#and I am losing horribly
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it’s been so long
#since I’ve last seen my son#lost to this monster#to the man behind the slaughter#jaiden animations#qsmp jaiden#jaiden fanart#qsmp jaiden art#qsmp#qsmp fanart#me and my missing assignments are beating each others ass rn#and I am losing horribly#anyways yall voted jaiden I have delivered#art#digital painting#digital art#procreate#I know green cheeked conures are supposed to be like. green#but I colour picked the most violet looking one I could find because ourple#art more like fart
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i. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, Sylvia Plath / ii. As Consciousness Is Harnessed to Flesh: Journals and Notebooks 1964-1980, Susan Sontag / iii. Suddenly, It's December, Margaux Paul / iv. Waiting for This Story to End Before I Begin Another, Jan Heller Levi / v. The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde / vi. The Letters of Gustave Flaubert: 1830-1857, Gustave Flaubert / vii. unknown / viii. @inanotherunivrse / ix. @violentcherries / x. Heaven, Mieko Kawakami (thank u @aworsening for attaching the sources)
#grief#the solace of missing you#losing you was horrible#losing myself was worse#i am chained up inside myself#web writing#web weaving#word weaving#spilled words#words words words#words#spilled thoughts#spilled poetry#actually bpd#bpd#dealing with grief#grief poetry
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i hope everyone in nintendo’s management department dies and goes to hell no matter what and i’m not kidding
#WERE LOSING YUZU AND CITRA. I DONT KNOW IF YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW INSANE THIS IS#game emulation enables piracy yes but it’s also an INCREDIBLY powerful archival tool.#there are plenty of games out there that only exist in their original formats due to emulation.#this lawsuit has HORRIBLE implications for video game history. it makes it incredibly easy for companies to scorched earth their products#if they’re not profitable enough. ART IS GOING TO BE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS. GAMES PEOPLE WORKED INCREDIBLY HARD ON#it won’t just happen to bad games. it won’t just happen to old games. they will use this to keep their remake/virtual console model going#forever and you will never be able to play your favorite games in their true original forms ever again.#i am fucking INSANELY mad rn. capitalism is the death of art fr#personal
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(looks at upcoming card releases)
I'm in danger :)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#smoking#my favorite horrible crime guys are back!!!!#(my hot take is that glomas had a better story but these goobers were just SO fun)#(they should be allowed to kidnap and murder(?) at least a few dozen people. as a treat.)#man i knew there was probably going to be a fellow card and yet i still did a bad job of saving my keys#and there's this year's halloween to think about too!#normally i try to avoid leaks and spoilers but i did accidentally see some stuff and if it's real then holy SHIT#on the other hand fellow attacks by basically throwing gidel at people and i desperately need this on my team#regardless of whether or not the card is actually any good#(if they change the animation to remove gidel i am going to RIOT it needs to be either exactly the same or EVEN SILLIER)#actually it would be hilarious if their stats were terrible. just the worst. and yet...#grown man and his kid with a hammer vs a bunch of teen wizards who can shoot fire#the results may shock you#(if they do the same duos-with-the-last-release as they have been with the staff cards then i will absolutely lose it)#(please twst. it would so useless to me but SO funny)#fellow: it's showtime rollo! :)#rollo: who are you
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Major Richard D. Winters. 506th Infantry Regiment, 101st Airborne Division
Sources: Gettysburg Museum of History, Major Dick Winters Collection; Biggest Brother The Life of Major Dick Winters by Larry Alexander; Hang Tough the WWII Letters and Artifacts of Major Winters
#dick winters#richard winters#band of brothers#no because i really am losing my mind hes so.#[redacted]#would not survive a wartime situationship with this man#it would destroy me unfortunately#horrible realizations much to think about#ms. deetta you are so strong#easy archives
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still thinking about the ken-roman LITERAL WOUND-OPENING hug that was. insane. insanity on my television
#the more i process that episode the happier i am with it#the siblings lose but win (they got out) the tomshiv baby is fucked the cycles continue. horrible nauseating delicious television#i need to lie down for 50000 hours#succession#greatest hits
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ratthew (+ the bathrobe)
#i don't even wanna TALK about what time of night it is#or how hunched over i am rn#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#hockey fanart#hockey#mtkachuk#nhl#my art#was only after i posted this that i saw how horribly the pens are losing to dallas rn. no… my team…
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Larry rickard in the ghosts bloopers will ALWAYS be one of my favourite things in the universe HOW CAN ANYONE HATE THAT MAN?????????????
#bbc ghosts#i am looking at him so very disrespectfully#i love you larry rickard i really do#laurence rickard#losing my marbles#robin bbc ghosts#horrible histories#yonderland#there is something wrong with me#someone restrain me
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are u telling me rn that i can't play veilguard until NOON on thursday
#I GET that global release is designed so we all play at once but also that means I'm losing 12 beautiful dragon age hours#horrible. awful. disgusting!!!!#(team to be clear this is a joke and all will be well. I am just desperate to get my grubby little hands on this game)#datv
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i wish i could get a break from my own emotions, i either feel nothing or everything constantly and so intensely, its so exhausting, i just want a pause, a break, a breather, a vacation from myself, something that lets me live and not be aggravating or aggravated for once
#ganondoodles talks#personal#at this point i almosst want to have a breakdown#if i knew id feel normal afterwards ..#its been over a month of this now- constantly on the edge of a breakdown- the worst i can be#aside from those awful short circuits where i explode for 10 minutes and then feel fine again and rly weird about what i just did#i want a break from this#wasting time doing nothing but feeling things that dont matter and make everything worse#just stop ...............................#im losing even the few connections i made online and cant get myself to start new ones#despite there being people that seem to try and reach out#i am horrible at reaching back#and keeping it alive#if i could at least get rid of the guilt#the guilt from every decision i make or not make#everything always ends into guilt#and it just keeps piling up#even posting these things! guilty feeeling bad over and over
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thinking about how the first time you use the tadpole, the narrator mentions that you lost something that you'll never get back...how the dream guardian encourages you to keep using your powers and absorb the power of even more tadpoles despite you losing something each time you expand your power.
and how that something is player agency regarding the astral tadpole if you've consumed any extra tadpoles. you make all these moves to become all powerful, only to end up forcibly transformed and basically the thrall of a rogue mindflayer.
#bat rambles#there's a line where astarion will call you a thrall running errands#and like that has sit with me and is why i am like#yeah you're a thrall forced through a horrible transformation against your will#and then you continue just having#to do what the emperor says or else you'll lose yourself entirely#at least you get to keep a small portion of yourself / humanity if you only remain partially transformed#bg3 meta#bg3 analysis
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'umm ackchually team green and team black is about which side you support politically not which characters you like more 🙄' oh my god shut the fuck up they're not real political parties none of this is real touch grass PLEASE
#.txt#hotd#at the end of the day for most people its gonna be which characters they like more#so ofc when you say shit like 'all people who are team green are sexist' theyre gonna be mad at you lol#you shouldnt support either side politically anyway what are you a monarchist???#anyway im team the dragons and boy am i losing 😍#why do they all have to die horribly T_T#ok not all but still T_T#also theyre not sparkly enought hbo you wil answer for your dimly lit muded color palette crimes
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Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.
I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!
I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as “in stock” after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!
#I know I’ve been kind of quiet in general lately too apologies for that#gonna be honest and life has been pretty rough lately#general TW I reference death below#two incidents happened a few months ago regarding almost losing brother and losing a cousin to horrible situations#and it’s really been very difficult to deal with and has brought on a lot of haze and mental dullness or inability to focus#and tbh even months later it’s still been very difficult#it’s why I’ve probably come across as closed off or absent these last few months#so just explaining that#I’m still overcoming it but I believe I’m doing better now#I have been unable to mentally pull myself together enough to successfully create any content like fics or art#though I’m trying very hard#it is getting easier too. I have written a lot more on vacation than I’ve mana fed to write in a long time#I still love and appreciate PLA and submas so so much that just hasn’t been able to manifest in content creation lately#but it has manifested in buying merch haha#when I get home I may just show my collection#I am still alive in this fandom#if you’ve read this far thank you#and thank you for sticking around while I’ve been quiet!!
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I think another aspect of conservative thought people need to understand is the idea that it's all about dominance.
The reason why sayings like "we don't want to trans your kids, we want trans kids to live" is because, in the conservative mind, you are replacing their dominance with your own. It can never be about what is best for others, it is always about expressing absolute power and control.
Natural selection, at its ideal, will weed out the people who "shouldn't live." If their existence is a threat to the already-established hierarchy, then it's obvious that they shouldn't exist in order to challenge hierarchy.
While this certainly isn't a "conservative-only" mindset, it's a trend I have noticed more in conservative spaces. This is why I don't always think it's helpful to go on about how, "Oh, we don't want to threaten your worldview. We just want people to live 😊". You will fundamentally be threatening their power in their minds. Therefore, nothing you say can truly take away from the anxiety, fear, and anger at losing control that may be instilled.
#politics#transphobia#transphobia tw#used the whole 'we want trans kids to live' because i personally think it's a good example..#...but isn't the sole example of such...#...take for instance the gay marriage debates from the early 2010s...#...'if we legalize gay marriage it's ONE STEP CLOSER to them taking OVER america and legalizing [horrible thing]!'...#...that is the anxiety of Losing Control and Losing The Divine Hierarchical Power Bestowed To You Personally By Gd Himself...#...i'm not saying all of this to dissuade people from educating people. but i want people to be aware of this dynamic...#...and to decide if they can (or should) personally go up to bat for others to educate people...#...i don't think you will go very far if you try to educate people without understanding on SOME level how their thought process will be...#...because it is likely that you are educating somebody who is going to see the world VERY differently...#...and they will often interpret what you are saying VERY differently than how you intended it to be interpreted...#...again while this isn't solely a conservative issue (believe me i KNOW) i notice it much more in those spaces...#...and since i am in spaces that WANT to educate people about this i think it is apt...#...it isn't a bad thing to want to educate. but again it's not helpful to just assume others are going to interpret you the way you want...#...it's definitely why i stopped making so many posts about educating others. i just don't think i can do it well...#...or at least in a way that doesn't Feel Threatening (even if it Isn't A Threat)
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#i just can't believe that dried pickle man is very likely going to outlive raleigh#when dpm is this huuuge statistical outlier in terms of survival with his ckd#and should by all rights have shuffled off his horrible little mortal coil by now#but NO!!!#he persists#and i am glad for that but wow does it not make any sense#i have been ready to lose dpm for over 5 years#i was not expecting to lose raleigh for another 5
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call me britney bitch because oops i did it again
#IM SO SORRY AUGHSHDHAJDKSKS#i am once again going through some mental stuff that unfortunately has made me retreat. again.#and i quit smoking weed PERMANENTLY four days ago and my last living grandma died yesterday but#we weren’t close at all but it’s brought up so many feelings about my dad and i can’t cope by smoking weed so im actually losing it yall#ive been regularly smoking since i was 20 so to take weed away permanently has me feeling a complete array of emotions#and i cycle between being so proud of myself and feeling sart of like an evil porson#but anyway. all this to say im sorry for being gone. it’s not my choice 😭#I LOVE YOU and i hope you’re doing okay in this horrible fucked up world. i am still here!
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