#and I already read a few chapter hahaha

[themindcastlesystem]

Another crackpot "Project: Eden's Garden" theory

(Sunny, they/she) hi again it's your girl I'm going insane again so I'm back with another theory

NOTE: Unlike my chapter 2 theory, which is more cohesive and at least has some Biblical parallels and narrative themes to back it up, this theory is COMPLETE speculation based off of only a few observations - so keep that in mind while reading.

THE THEORY

So uh. Cassidy sus. *points at her* amogus! amogus!

For real, though. Does anyone else get the feeling that she's a bit... out of touch, emotionally? Or that she's the most fourth-wall-breaky of the group, like she keeps feeding her jokes and references to some sort of viewer (whether the player or the literal broadcast viewers in-universe)?

This could most definitely be just a comic relief thing. Or maybe a "streamer" thing, since that's what she's known for - and streamers are notorious for not being totally authentic, especially when they're in front of an audience. It's not like half of their audience really cares about how they feel, or if they're having a bad day - they want entertainment. I could see a character arc where Cassidy becomes a bit more expressive and authentic with her emotions across the rest of the game, learning to let her actual feelings show instead of masking her fear/sadness with smiles and jokes. I would love an arc like this in a DR fangame.

But, personally, I have other suspicions. There's a few pieces of "evidence" that make me suspect her of being the mastermind (quote marks because it's not conclusive and could be interpreted in other ways). I know there might not be a traditional "mastermind" in P:EG, especially since the creators said not to expect canon DR tropes, but just take "mastermind" to mean someone in the main cast that's working with Tozu/Mara/any other killing game organizers, whether willingly or under duress.

THE "EVIDENCE"

She's a streamer. As I said, this could explain why she seems so inauthentic and that's that - but that is ignoring the tangible benefit that her platform would have for the masterminds if they decided to use it. She easily has the biggest live following of the group - while there are other individuals with mass followings, like Wenona (who runs a huge business) and Kai (who has a ton of social media followers), Cassidy's thing is livestreaming. This killing game is being livestreamed. And if the killing game organizers are broadcasting it, it would make total sense for them to take advantage of the Ultimate Pro Gamer's live audience - and this would be easier to do if she was in on it, rather than if they had to hack her account to get a stream going or something.

Her actions during chapter 1. The two most important things she does are: a) kick down everyone's doors so they're forced to leave their dorms, and b) organize the game tournament during which a murder happens. The reason she says she did this was to get people to be more active and do something fun with each other, to boost their spirits. But it is possible that she wanted to force people to be out and about so that there would be more chances for people to kill each other - and/or to keep things more entertaining for the viewers (similar to how she feeds jokes/references to the camera). There is also potentially an argument that she might want to get people to trust each other in a less overt way than someone like Wolfgang or Diana - by getting them to let their guards down. With people's guards down, it becomes easier for a wolf in sheep's clothing to strike. (Hahaha get it because-- *gets shot*) You could even say that everyone's caught in her spider's web and they don't even realize it. (Hahaha get it because-- *double gunshot*)

This fucking picture. (Everything before this was already speculation, but this is EVEN MORE SPECULATIVE!) I have no idea what it means, and I know it was Diana that Wolfgang hallucinated as being his mother when he was in the boiler room, but Cassidy looks even more like her. Like, other than her eye color, she has the facial proportions of Wolfgang's dad and the eyes/hair of his mom. (Haha your mom.) Maybe they're siblings/half-siblings, I don't know. But it does strike me that Wolfgang's last words were "I won't stop until the world knows me as--!" before he died. Which... could mean he knows who the mastermind is, or has some involvement with the killing game, or maybe his parents did and he knows about it ("like father, like son..."). I have no clue, this is just me guessing based off of a facial similarity and two lines of dialogue lmfao.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I don't know. Try again later.

Uh, but if I had to come up with some sort of potential motive for her to be involved - assuming she's a willing participant and has some sort of ideological or personal motive - then... here goes.

The first thing that comes to mind is something Damon says multiple times in the prologue: "Ultimates are charged with the betterment of society." And, well, he thinks everyone's doing a shit job - except for maybe Wenona, because she's a billionaire and runs a big business that feeds people. Basically everyone else, he thinks is totally useless.

Well... I can see a way that Cassidy might feel similarly, but in sort of a reverse way. She's a streamer and a pro gamer with a huge audience - and so far, she actually seems like the least harmful popular figure in the group. Compare her to Kai Monteago - who's a total dunce and who seems to really only care about his own fame when it comes to his talent. Or Wenona - who's a billionaire, a wealth hoarder whose profile literally says she owns over 90% of the agriculture industry and she dislikes unions.

We don't really know anything about Cassidy's platform (that I can immediately remember) other than "she's a gamer" and "they're called Cassidy's Comrades" - but even in just that, there's already communist theming with the "comrade" joke. Though that could just be a "haha Soviet Russia" joke and nothing deeper, I will also point out that one thing streamers are known for doing is charity streams - oftentimes long ones that become widely talked about because someone decided to stay on stream for 24 hours straight to raise money for a charitable cause. Also, because of the live nature of streamers' relationships with their fandoms, it's much more common than other industries for streamers to be publicly put on blast for things like microaggressions or giving money to bad people - something that could easily influence someone like Cassidy. What is a killing game broadcast, but a livestream where all these Ultimates are put on blast - with their first murder motive being cryptic blackmail about some of the worst things they've done?

In my "Cassidy = mastermind" hypothetical, where Damon's hatred of the Ultimate title and the people who have it comes largely from his ego and distrust of others in general, Cassidy could hate the Ultimate title and the people who have it because she thinks they're not doing enough to help others. Ultimates have been charged with the betterment of society, and they're failing. In this hypothetical, Cassidy also puts herself above others and distrusts others - but expresses it very differently from Damon. Surprisingly, much more pessimistically, given the whole murder game and all.

Well - that's if I'm right. I'm probably not. But it's a fun thought, right?

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC’s Lucien - Strategy Game Date - English Translation (1/2)

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT!! ⚠️

This post contains a detailed spoiler for a date that has not been released in EN yet! Feel free to notify me if there are any mistakes in the translation~

"Wow, if you remember someone, they must be really impressive!"

"Not at all. In fact, on most of the days we've played, he couldn't even win a pack of biscuits."

"So, about the same level as me then~"

"But MC is special to me. Whether it's ‘biscuits', 'candy', or even 'unreasonable requests', you always manage to win them over in another way."

Translation under the cut!

[T/N: Before reading the date, I highly recommend you all to read this R&S: Regarding What Book Doesn't Say (and while at it read The Victim Who Disappeared too~). This date contains important references to that R&S, and I would like to analyze this date later in comparison with it at the end of this date🥺 There's also some reference to S1 chapter 23 but I'm gonna assume that y'all already read it u.u.]

If you want to follow along with the voice, you can follow it here.

-

[Call- On The Way Home from Work]

Lucien: I just saw your missed call, what's wrong?

MC: [worriedly] I was just wondering why Professor Lucien, who clearly got off work an hour ago, still hasn't come home yet.

Lucien: [chuckles softly]  Sorry, I was held up a bit by something.

Lucien: If you're not too busy, could you bring a trolley and come pick me up at the small park outside the complex?

MC: I certainly can, but what happened?

Lucien: I was stopped by that old gentleman who often plays chess in the park, and he invited me to play a game with him.

MC:  Hmm? Why did that grandpa suddenly "abandon" his friends and come to you?

Lucien: Today, his chess friend stood him up, so he was searching the whole park for a "destined" person who could play chess.

Lucien: And on my backpack, I happened to have a chess pendant that you gave me.

MC: Oh~ But the Xianqi (Chinese chess) Grandpa plays and international chess aren't the same type, right?

Lucien: There are indeed quite big differences between the two, but luckily, I'm not too unfamiliar with the rules of Xiangqi.

MC: Judging by Professor Lucien’s tone, it seems like he has won~

Lucien: It was a narrow victory.

Lucien: However... I'm having some regrets now.

MC: Why?

Lucien: Things seem to have gotten a little out of hand after I won the game. He enthusiastically invited me to solve an endgame puzzle—

[Trivia: In chess, endgame refers to a chess problem where only a few pieces remain on the board, and the challenge is to find the best moves to win or achieve a draw.]

Lucien: And after I solved it, I found out that this puzzle has apparently been around for a few years.

MC: Wow! That's amazing...! So, doesn't that mean the brilliant Professor Lucien is going to become a big celebrity in the park?

Lucien: [sighs] ...But they're a bit too enthusiastic.

Lucien: [he sounds so helpless and dumbfounded it's cute LOL] To celebrate, that grandpa and the elderly watching the game gave me all the eggs, rice, and cooking oil they got from the supermarket.

Lucien: I couldn't refuse at the moment, so now I'm stuck here, overwhelmed by this weighty goodwill.

MC:  Pfft, hahaha~ So that's why you asked me to bring a trolley and rescue you!

MC: I think I see you! Hmm? Are you buying something?

Lucien: [chuckles] Mm, I just found a flower vending machine here.

Lucien: After all, I did ask my girlfriend to come rescue me, so I figured I should at least buy a bouquet of flowers as a thank you.

[Prologue-Surprise Journey]

MC: You're going to compete against the world champion of 3D chess next week?!

When I arrive home from work and step into the entryway, the news hits me like a brick, leaving me frozen in place.

[Trivia: 3D Chess is a variant of traditional chess that adds a third dimension with multiple horizontal layers. It's different and more complex compared with classic 2D chess because besides being able to move horizontally, it can also move vertically between layers, and naturally, it has different rules compared to the classic (I tried to search the rules of one type of 3D chess and ended up being confused at it HAHA). Most ppl def can't easily learn it in one try unless you're Xu Mo]

Lucien calmly takes my bag and nods slightly.

Lucien: Mm, the tournament organizers invited Carl to play a simultaneous exhibition.

[Trivia: In chess simultaneous exhibition means one player plays against multiple opponents at the same time]

Lucien: Besides me, there will also be many 3D chess players and enthusiasts participating.

MC: ...Wait a minute, Lucien, you haven't been scammed, have you?

MC: There are a lot of scams going around these days that seem to trick people with things like registration fees.

[gurl why would you think that the great and mighty™️ Professor Lucien would get scammed🤣]

Lucien: That possibility certainly can't be ruled out, but I've already confirmed it.

Lucien can't help but chuckle a bit and opens the official website of the International Chess Federation.

Following the movement of his fingertips, I quickly found Lucien's name on the shortlist.

MC: So awesome…

MC: You've obviously only been playing 3D chess for a month, yet you're already able to participate in such a competition.

Lucien: This type of game is actually not that difficult once you grasp the rules.

MC: ...That's precisely something a genius would say.

He winks a little smugly, smiles, and pulls me into his arms.

Lucien: So, would MC like to go together?

Lucien: I recall you don't seem to be very busy next week.

MC: Of course, I would like to!

MC: This is your first time participating in a chess tournament, so I wouldn't want to miss it.

Lucien: That's good to hear. Otherwise, I might have to repack my suitcase.

Following his gaze, I notice he's already packed some of my clothes in the suitcase and I can't help but laugh.

MC: You already knew I'd say yes.

Lucien: Mm, after all, it seems like MC can never bring herself to turn down my requests.

[Date]

=[Part 1]=

MC: The guesthouse you chose is so beautiful!

I lean out from the villa window and look outside; the warm breeze passes through the tropical orange trees, stirring sweet orange-scented ripples on the clear pool water.

MC: This garden is exactly like a scene from an American movie, I feel like a pool party is about to start any second now.

Lucien: [chuckles] After I finish my competition, we might as well have a pool party here too.

MC: Sounds good! Then I…

I spin around excitedly, but then my gaze is suddenly caught by a vibrant blaze of crimson, making me fall silent.

Lucien is dressed in a cherry-red suit paired with an olive-green tie, giving off a bold retro vibe.

Complementing this look, a sleek leather belt with a ring buckle and a tilted round hat adds a touch of simplicity and style.

Lucien: [teasingly] If you keep looking at me like that, I might actually get a little shy.

Despite saying so, he doesn't shy away and instead approaches me with a smile.

MC: It's just so stunning... Did this Great Chess Player pick this outfit specifically for the competition?

Lucien: There will be a lot of people at the competition, so maybe this will help me better attract the attention of a certain little lady.

[T/N: Great Chess Player (大棋手 - dà qíshǒu) is how MC teasingly and admiringly refers to him while little lady (小姑娘 - xiǎo gūniang) is Lucien's special term of endearment to MC. So yes, he's the one picking the outfit to attract her attention, just like male peacocks displaying their feather🤣 Please don't be harsh on his color choice because he literally can't see them🥲]

MC: [pouts] Humph, I want to protest~

MC: Even without any help, I can still instantly spot you in a crowd!

Lucien: [chuckles] Of course, I believe that. But I also have a selfish motive.

He gently pinches my puffed-out cheeks and meets my gaze with a smile.

Lucien: [gently and sincerely] Just thinking about you watching me throughout the competition... it'll likely fill me with strength.

✂———————–

In the vast venue, a hundred chess players are seated at their tables, eagerly awaiting the arrival of Carl, the world champion.

The audience seats are already packed with hundreds of spectators, and the broadcasting equipment, along with the commentators, is set up and ready to go.

Feeling the solemn atmosphere, I shrink back a little and quickly walk over to the family seating area within the venue to sit down.

Host: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the International 3D Chess Championship!

Host: Here today, we have chess elites gathered from all around the globe.

Host: They have emerged from fierce preliminary rounds and will face Carl, the champion of the International 3D Chess Championship, in a head-to-head battle.

Just then, on the large screen suspended above the venue, a refined-looking man is waving and greeting the crowd below.

Host: Following the classic tournament rules, each player will have 120 minutes to make their first 40 moves, after which they will have another 60 minutes to complete the rest of the game.

Host: To ensure fairness and smooth progression, a team of referees will supervise the entire match.

Host: Please remain quiet during the match so that the players can concentrate.

Host: We hope you all enjoy this feast of intellect and strategy!

As the match bell rings, the first game appears on the big screen.

Carl opens with a knight's jump, using the black pieces. Time flows in silence for a long while before his opponent finally makes their move.

Just as the unfamiliar and complex cross-layer moves are starting to make my head spin, the game reaches Lucien's table.

Facing Carl's aggressive opening, Lucien doesn't panic. Calm and collected, he establishes his defensive formation.

I quietly note the position of his piece, trying to summon the knowledge I learned from playing classic chess with him in an effort to keep up with the game.

However, as the game progresses, I quickly become lost amidst the complexity of the situation.

Thankfully, that splash of cherry-red color always manages to blur out the world, allowing me to clearly see him every time I look up.

While waiting for his turn, Lucien leans back and intently watches the live screen, unlike the others who are engrossed in studying their own games.

[This passage implies that, unlike other players who are focused solely on their own games, Lucien is observing the matches on the live screen to study the world champion's strategies and gameplay. Also, this passage is an interesting parallel with how Lucien sees the world - to him, her color blurred the world around her, allowing him to see her clearly🥺]

Yet whenever it's his turn to make a move, he does it extremely quickly.

After a few rounds, players on the field are gradually eliminated and leave, but Lucien remains seated, his remaining time nearly equal to Carl's.

Most of the time, his expression remains calm, only occasionally does his brow and eyes curve slightly as if he's noticed some clever moves.

Even though he's far away, I feel like I can see that fascinating and captivating world through his eyes.

I gaze for a long time, so long that I only snap back to reality when Carl sits down opposite Lucien.

The stage is empty, and before I realize it, only that red figure remains.

The black and white sides are locked in a tense struggle, like a small battlefield. Pieces fell constantly, yet new attacks were relentlessly launched.

A hushed silence gradually spreads over the audience. Finally, the timer goes off, and the referee, who has been observing from the sidelines, rises to his feet.

He takes a step forward, waiting for Lucien to put down the piece in his hand, pick up a pen and write something, then seal the paper in an envelope.

As if on cue, the people around me rustle and leave. I instinctively get up as well, feeling puzzled, and head towards Lucien, who is also departing.

MC: Is the match over?

Lucien: Not yet, it's just that the official match time is up. Now the moves are sealed, and the match will resume in an hour.

MC: I see. So, what do you think?

Lucien: Although the situation is a bit tense right now, I've more or less deduced the strategy he'll likely use.

He narrows his eyes, looking like a smug little fox.

MC: Wow, I knew you were good, but I'm blown away that you've been able to hold your own against the world champion for so long…

Lucien: Would you mind holding onto that compliment until the 26th move and telling me again later, MC?

MC: Um?

I suddenly figured something out, and in that instant, I found the answer in those confident eyes.

Lucien: By then, I'll have won.

=[Part 2]=

Lucien wins.

At the 21st move in overtime, Carl topples his cornered king piece and concedes defeat.

It's not that I never thought he would win, but seeing Lucien standing on the podium, the clear reality of his victory washes over me along with the tide of applause.

I clap with extra force, wanting to convey all my heartfelt congratulations to him.

MC: Congratulations, grand champion!

As the award ceremony ends, after waiting by the side of the stage, I step forward and greet the person before me with a big hug.

An icy chill clings to him, yet the voice that falls upon my ear is incredibly gentle.

Lucien: [chuckles] I received all of MC's congratulations.

Lucien: Even though you were a bit far away, the way you clapped so enthusiastically was especially adorable, just like a little seal.

MC: Of course! As your girlfriend, I can't let myself be outdone by anyone else…

??: Mr. Lucien, congratulations.

A stranger's voice suddenly interrupts the conversation as Carl, dressed in a suit, walks over in surprise.

Carl: I'll always remember this match, I hope to see you again on the competition stage someday.

Lucien: Thank you, there will be a chance.

Lucien nods politely, and only after watching the other person disappear into the crowd does he speak, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

Lucien: Was that Carl?

MC: Hmm? Even a superbrain like you can have face blindness?

Lucien: Perhaps I was too focused on the chessboard, so I didn't pay attention to his appearance.

Lucien: Besides, his clothes seem completely different from what he wore this afternoon.

Seeing him explain earnestly, I can't help but laugh.

MC: [laughs] If I were Carl, I think I would be more hurt that my opponent, whom I faced for half a day, doesn’t remember me than about losing the match.

MC: Speaking of which, you don't forget everyone you've played chess with, do you?

Lucien: [stunned as if hit by a memory of someone from his distant past] …

It’s as if something leaps into the depths of those dark eyes along with my words, and they suddenly blink quickly.

Lucien: Not quite everyone.

MC: Wow, if you remember someone, they must be really impressive!

Lucien: Not at all.

Lucien: In fact, on most of the days we've played, he couldn't even win a pack of biscuits.*

MC: So, about the same level as me then~

I can't help but curve my lips into a smile, and it seems as though my rising smile also slowly melts that touch of indifference.

Lucien: [chuckles] You're right, it's about the same level. But MC is special to me.

Lucien: Whether it's ‘biscuits', 'candy', or even 'unreasonable requests', you always manage to win them over in another way.

MC: [laughs happily] Hahaha, that friend of yours would probably think you're way too biased if he heard you say that!

Lucien smiles faintly as if my words allow him to vaguely picture that person before his eyes—

Fuzzy... distant... yet somehow a little vivid.

Lucien: Perhaps, but all of those are just assumptions.

MC: Even if they are assumptions, aren't they still based on deductions from the past?

I hook my finger around his, gently swaying our hands together.

MC: Even if the past may be gone, isn't there still “something” from it that continues to run through your life in different forms;

MC: Accompanying you as you pass by and meet many amazing, yet lovely and warm people?~

Lucien: Of course, I have never denied that.

It was as though an imperceptible wound within those profound eyes had been quietly mended, allowing a trace of a smile to escape.**

Wanting to keep that smile lingering for a while longer, I wrinkle my nose.

MC: But... I've clearly played chess with you too, and several different kinds! Yet the first person Professor Lucien thought of wasn't me!

Lucien: …

Seeing his eyes widen slightly, I smile with satisfaction.

MC: Hmph, looks like I need to work harder! In that case, I'll start by learning 3D chess!

I take the prize chessboard from Lucien's hands, giving it a gentle shake.

MC: Please teach me, Teacher Lucien.

✂———————–

[T/N]

*: the biscuits!!! I'm sobbing ;-;, turns out Lucien still remembers Fan Zihang/Zack so clearly... I hope we'll get another mention of Fan Zihang/Zack on his birthday too huhu.

**: I'm taking liberties in translating this one 😂. The original line is “那双幽深的眼瞳里似有道小小裂隙被悄悄填上,终于泄 出一点笑意。” which if literally translated it will be “In that pair of deep and dark eyes, it was as if a small crack had been quietly filled up, finally revealing a hint of a smile.”. The 'crack' can symbolize an unhealed wound from the past. As it gradually fills, this wound is slowly mending, allowing him to release some of his past burdens and letting a hint of joy show through his eyes. Or, you can also think of it as a frozen lake that slowly melts and reveals a small crack, allowing the sunlight to fill in and showing what's in the water all this time (there's happiness from those past memories too).

Next: Part 3 & 4-> [Here]

[writingstoraes]

begin again 🌷 (split pt. 3)

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: instagram imagine, social media au

notes: the long awaited part 3! this took so long only cause i had no idea how i want it to go lol anyway i hope u guys love this one :D lmk what u think!

about: almost a year after your split with charles, fans take a trip down memory lane and wondering why the two of you seemed to have watered things down after soft launching other people months ago. a bunch of rumors also set twt crazy along with speculations at your paddock appearance where you apparently support ferrari.

read: part 1, part 2 (can read on its own, but the parts provide context hehe)

yourusername

liked by isahernaez, lilymhe, landonorris, and 231,298 others

yourusername back at the happiest place on earth ❤️

lilymhe Have fun, love xo

yourbff Looking that good just to watch a race????

tyretactics QUEEN I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOU EVERY RACE

charliez1655 miss mam twt is on fire we all miss you 😪

leclercsluv wdym shes almost always at every race ricciardoshooey no they meant w charles lol

yourusername recently added to her instagram story!

Now playing: Charles Leclerc, 2023 Austrian GP, Post-Sprint Shootout Interviews

yourusername

liked by yourbff, lilymhe, carlossainz55, and 210,593 others

yourusername on a wednesday, in a cafe, i watched it begin again

lecslover looking GOOD AS HELL QUEEN

sainzplaylist god shes back to the man shes been soft launching i think i am going to be: sick

1655lecs that might be charles, we don't know 🙏 sainzplaylist yeah i think its time we let that go lol

wagsqueens mam im sorry wym by begin again???

charles_leclerc

liked by pierregasly, finemidnights, carlossainz55, and 982,221 others

charles_leclerc It's nice to have a friend 🌅

tyreexpert u cant tell me thats not y/n 😪 she's his friend after all...

joris__trouche Looking sharp!

lecssainz16 war is over you guys theyre back at it i am in my acceptance stage now

Some months later...

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pierregasly, lilymhe, and 756,293 others

yourusername i am and willl always be your number one fan. words cannot encapsulate how proud i am of you; truly, you deserve all of this and so much more. congratulations, my love ❤️

it's nice to see you running towards me again :)

ps. yes we've been soft-launching each other the past months hahaha

leclercfan AM I DREAMING SOMEONE PINCH ME

livwatchraces i screamed when i saw you guys on the screen!!!

carlossainz55 Aaand they're back 🎉

charles_leclerc Thanks, number one shipper

charles_leclerc

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen, arthurleclerc, and 1,982,384 others

charles_leclerc Sunshine in human form.

A few months ago, I started hanging on to the fact that in good faith and in good time, things will eventually work its way out. Almost a year ago, it seems as if we have closed a chapter but today, we are living proof people who are made for each other can begin again.

Ce sera toujours toi 🤍 It will always be you.

scuderiaferrari We missed you tons, Y/N! ❤️

wagsf1 the queen of all queens is back we love to see it

lecslover it's years later and he still talks about her the same way he always have 🥹

sainzchamp The way theyve been soft launching each other all this time and that one rumor of Charles being with another girl was still Y/N 😭

yourusername sold our apartment already? too bad 😆

charles_leclerc I never actually sold it, if I did, I'd probably buy it back

---------

tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy, @mehrmonga, @mess-in-side, @leclerc16s, @thelovehypothesis, @dakotali, @aldene-styles

notes: eeee and its finally done! cant believe it took so much time before i finished all three parts lol anyway thank you so much for those who waited for the part three (i see all the asks on my inbox and the comments ehehe) i really just didn't know how i wanted it to go so! i hope you guys love this and lmk what you think <3

[snowfieldstories]

In Life and Death [Chapter 3]

Kim Dokja x Reader/Original female character

In Life and Death Masterlist

Warnings: strong violence and trauma, language

A/N: This beginning part was tough to nail down. I'll probably go back and revise because I'm not totally satisfied with it.

Summary:

In which a reader finds herself tossed into the pages of her favorite web novel after her untimely death. A novel of a novel within reality. It's a reader's dream, right? Well, this reader vows to bring the right epilogue to her beloved character, Kim Dokja. She will give him the happiest of endings. Or she will die trying.

⚠️MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORV WEB NOVEL AND MANHWA!!!!⚠️

(Hahaha sorry about the gif but I have to laugh about it or I'll cry)

Episode III. Chapter 3 — A Ruined World: Round Two

Yoo Joonghyuk traveled at an awfully fast pace. We encountered a few frenzied ground rats, which we dealt with at once, and even more ground rat corpses further along.

My sword of light cast a dim glow in the tunnel. Joonghyuk, it seemed, felt no urgency to speak with me and forged ahead, leaving me with a delightful (read the sarcasm) view of his back.

The tracks continued on but our supposed conversation did not.

With this extra time to myself, I considered revealing that I was a fellow regressor. The possible benefits were surely worth it; we could collaborate over future plans more easily and prevent possible disaster. I led Dokja to believe that I wouldn't—but I wanted to let Joonghyuk know that he wasn't alone in this never-ending series of regressions. That somebody, anybody, had a small understanding of what he endured.

I remembered him. I knew this Yoo Joonghyuk, even if he didn't fully know himself.

We walked for a time with nothing to fill the silence except for the occasional scurrying of distant ground rats.

I swung the blade of light a few times and eyed Joonghyuk's back. I thought I could take him on if it came down to it. Sure, he would overpower me in the end, but I was much quicker and more agile than him with my 'Fleet Foot' skill. I could get away if he attacked. Maybe.

Sorry, Dokja. "I'm a regressor too."

After growing used to the rhythmic footsteps ahead of me, the sudden falter caused me to jerk back.

"I know."

What? My tense muscles loosened in shock. I had been expecting a sword through the chest, an anger, questions, or really anything but that.

"I used 'Sage's Eye' on you already."

Still... "But there's a censor on my stats."

I opened my attributes window for the first time since arriving in this turn. My stomach dropped.

"Shit, are you SERIOUS?!"

In fact, all of my information was on clear display, with the exception of one part marked by a series of "???". I cursed myself for stupidly not checking it sooner.

Then I shivered. Joonghyuk could have easily slaughtered me while I was unconscious after discovering a fellow regressor. No—he could have killed me immediately after seeing me on the bridge. He should have. This is Yoo Joonghyuk of the third round; a suspiciously powerful anomaly like me was grounds for instant elimination. The "2nd turn" label must have been my saving grace. Or maybe...maybe he sensed the past...?

"Just the one. What is it?" he asked.

"I have no idea." I felt a tick of annoyance as Joonghyuk's 'Lie Detection' activated and rang true.

There was a second stigma besides 'Regression' but I honestly couldn't recall what it might be.

We stopped for a water break at Yaksu station. Joonghyuk cleared the area of ground rats and a few people that tried to ambush us near the toilets. I used that time to thoroughly inspect my attributes window.

[ < Personal Information > ]

Name: Choi Yeona Age: 27 Constellation Support: Mother of Divine Desire Personal Attributes: Avid Reader (Common), Maladaptive Daydreamer (Rare), The Architect (Legendary), Regressor <2nd Round> (Legendary) Exclusive skills: [Sacred Light Lv. 5], [Rationality Lv. 9], [Fleet Foot Lv. 6], [Lie Detection Lv. 2], [Memory Enhancement Lv. 4], [Buff Lv. 4], [Bank of Lady Fortune Lv. 2], [Wire Transfer Lv. 1]... Stigma: [??? Lv. ???], [Pinpoint Regression Lv. 1] Overall Stats: [Stamina Lv. 15], [Strength Lv. 20], [Agility Lv. 22], [Mana Lv. 16]

Damn. It's no wonder I couldn't hold the bridge of light after the first scenario. I immediately boosted my stamina and mana levels with some coins, a bit embarrassed at how much lower they were to the others. Level 18 each should be good enough for now. But my other abilities were decently powerful.

Though I was disappointed to see that a lot of the skills I'd collected last round were weaker or missing, things had also been added. The 'Wire Transfer' skill, for one, and a couple new personal attributes. I skimmed past the first two—Maladaptive Daydreamer made me cringe as I recalled my escapist tendencies in my first, pre-transmigration life—and settled on the third. The Architect. I expected to have earned an author attribute after drafting my story of the last turn, but this was more curious. What sort of application did this attribute have?

I eyed the stigma section next. 'Pinpoint Regression' was at level one, as expected for my first turn, but just what was the stigma before it?

I thought of my last turn. There was a memory, a wiggling sensation, that I could almost grasp. A voice.

「 A re you dy ing for re al ?! 」

I screamed and clutched my head. There was an excruciating pain, like two hot pokers had been jammed through my eyeballs into the flesh of my brain. Once the feeling dulled and my vision returned, I scrambled for the aspirin and gulped down a few capsules. My attributes window still glowed in front of me.

[Memory Enhancement Lv. 3]

I frowned at the change, but before I could question it further, Joonghyuk stood. "Let's move."

...Did that asshole really just sit there while I was in such obvious pain? I glared at his retreating back. Yes, yes he did.

We moved in tandem, clearing the way with unspoken precision. Joonghyuk hadn't yet commented on 'Pinpoint Regression.'

"You're...weirdly casual about this."

Joonghyuk glanced at me. "Should I not be?"

"I thought you killed other regressors."

"I do."

It went uncomfortably silent. Well, I guess only uncomfortable for me, because then Joonghyuk huffed.

"Regressors usually know too much. But it's only your second turn."

I was rather miffed. Was he calling me ignorant? "Who says I don't have my own plans?"

There was no response to that. I was ready to pepper him with my own questions, but he turned sharply to stop me in my tracks. My grip tightened around my blade.

"How were we acquainted in your last turn?"

"Um." I searched for a good half-truth. "We were companions, of a sort."

[A few constellations are frustrated at the filter on this conversation.]

[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' observes you cautiously.]

I was not a fan of two Yoo Joonghyuks steeling their gaze into me.

"I've never seen you before."

It was a weighty accusation. How could I possibly explain away my lack of existence in previous rounds?

"You saw how my stigma is 'pinpoint'? I can jump into other regression worlds, so you couldn't have seen me in any but my first." Joonghyuk's brows furrowed. "Our regression world-lines must not have overlapped for you until now."

I hoped playing off the unheard specialty of my stigma would get him off my back. Whether he accepted my explanation or not, it silenced any further discussion on the matter.

We soon reached the edge of the tunnel just before the entrance to Chungmuro.

[ Sub-scenario — Phantom Prison has begun! ]

The last thing I saw was a silvery fog sweeping into the tunnel before a haze overtook me. I could no longer see Joonghyuk ahead of me. Colors and shapes slipped just out of my grasp, and I was unsteady on my feet.

There was a loud grunt, then, thump! "Joonghyuk!"

I pitched forwards, trying to reach him, but I tripped and rolled until I heavy foot stopped me. The heel dug sharply into my ribcage.

「You're no hero.」

A woman leaned down, her long hair moving to reveal a deep, gnarled scar knotting from her forehead down through her right eye. Her mouth grinned, the torn and gaping flesh in the corners revealing too many teeth.

I tried conjuring a blade, arrows, anything, but sacred light was silent. "Please," I whimpered.

The voice that followed was something hateful.

「'Angel,' they call you. It is not one of salvation, but of death.」

「Death follows you.」

The weight on my chest grew heavier as the broken body of a young boy replaced the foot.

"Ha-joon," I cried, my bloodied hands shaking as I clutched his cold skin. "Ha-joon, please forgive me."

「It should have been you.」

His unseeing gaze seemed to agree with her.

I shifted, cradling the boy my arms and rocking back and forth. Tears slipped down my face and I looked down, only to find that the body was no longer Ha-joon, but a head-blown man in a suit. His blue tie was dark with blood.

"Dokja." The name was hoarse as it escaped my lips. Dokja, Dokja, Dokja.

He felt so real beneath my fingers. I was lightheaded and nauseous all at once, and I knew these were all memories long past but this past was paralyzing.

Rough hands wrenched me back by the shoulders.

「You think you're better than us?!」

The passengers of train carriage 3607 surrounded me, suffocating me with hands and words.

「In the corner, crushing your little bugs. How dare you!」

「Arrogant bitch!」

「She wants us to die!」

「Thought you were sneaky, did you?」

Centered in the mob, a gaunt, lanky man pointed his finger at me with a cruel twist to his features. 'Nosey Parker' himself. He was the one to pick me out with that dreadful skill of his.

[The skill 'Sacred Light Lv. 5' has been activated.]

He was also the first one I ripped into with my blade. I then swung blindly at everyone, though whether in rage or desperation, I wasn't sure. There was little resistance despite their bluster.

An angel of death.

Their bodies lay in pools of flesh and blood. My hands trembled, the golden knife casting a sickly glow on my skin. I cancelled the skill.

It was a moment too soon.

I grasped at the force that now choked me. The pressure grew stronger and I wheezed.

「Hands up!」

I squinted at the light blinding my eyes and cast them aside, my eyes landing on the familiar orange, mid-century sofa and walnut floorboards. The click of a gun snapped my attention back forwards.

「Let her go. No one has to get hurt.」

I gasped at the cold metal pressing hard into my throat above the hand. And a muttering in my ear.

「She's mine. Mine. You can't take her, you don't deserve her! She's perfect—you'll ruin her! She's MINE.」

The blade gouged into my skin, the hand cutting off the air from my lungs. I tugged in vain at the unyielding arm at my throat, and another force pinned my squirming body down. My vision began to blacken and a shot rang out.

「Yeona—!」

"...Yeona."

I was lying on my back in the tunnel. The pressure at my throat lessened, and I could breathe. In and out, in and out. A tear slowly tracked down my temple and into my hairline. The smell of damp earth was grounding.

At my now-stationary body, the person above me eased off my torso and limbs. Yoo Joonghyuk sat back on his heels, eyeing me warily. I surged up and loomed over him.

"Why the fuck would you think it's a good idea to grab me by the neck?" I spat in his face.

"You needed to snap out of it."

"Maybe you have a choking fetish." He shot me a withering glare. I gripped his shoulder with maximum strength, looking him square in the eye. "Don't ever touch my fucking neck again. If you do I'll kill you."

Even though I certainly wouldn't, my tone was dead-serious. Joonghyuk's attention was sharp on me until I released him and backed away. I set about dusting off my clothes and checking my gear.

"Phantom Prison."

I grunted.

"It forces you to relive your most painful memories and traps you there to unleash madness." I didn't have the heart nor energy to tell him I already knew. "Did you not encounter it your previous round?"

"You're awfully chatty."

In fact, I had gone through this sub-scenario before. But back then, there were only two memories worth torturing me with: Dokja's death, and my own. And seeing as my memories post-transmigration were choppy at best, I hadn't experienced much difficulty escaping the prison. It was Joonghyuk and Han Sooyoung who needed saving instead.

A blue message distracted me.

[The constellation 'God's Lone Soul Courier' has noticed you.]

I had seen this modifier once before, midway through my last round. It was the same message as that time. Though I strongly suspected their true identity, I wasn't sure if it was smart to acknowledge him.

I decided to let it be.

Joonghyuk had moved to the tunnel's exit and—surprisingly—waited as I finished collecting myself. We passed through.

Chungmuro station was empty. At least, there was no one to greet us in the immediate area of the platform. There was a harsh noise above us.

We hurried up the stairs to find a horde of people surrounding a high school girl. Several men held her arms back while others attempted to grab onto her kicking legs. "I'll kill you! Ugly, nasty ahjussis!"

Whether these men were of Gong Pildu's Landlord Alliance or not didn't matter—Lee Jihye was in trouble.

[Incarnation 'Choi Yeona' has activated 'Fleet Foot Lv. 6.']

[The exclusive skill 'Sacred Light' had been activated!]

I whipped a thick cord of light and caught one man's arm, yanking back so that he sprawled on the ground. The others cried out. "There!"

Joonghyuk swiped once with his sword and cut down three men. I sidestepped one that lunged at me, stabbing him in the back with sacred light.

The men were enraged. "That girl attacked us first!"

Jihye regained use of her arm and sucker punched her nearest assailant in the face. It left a satisfying crack.

She turned to grab her sword from the one holding it, and another jumped at her back. I flicked my wrist and twisted the whip-turned lasso around his body, binding him. Jihye wrestled with her sword. Joonghyuk, having eliminated the surrounding threats, slashed the man struggling with her.

Jihye turned around just as I was stabbing a knife through the soft underside of the final man's chin.

Her eyes were wide. "You two..."

"Hey." I pushed the stray hairs out of my face, grimacing at the blood. "I'm Choi Yeona. What's your—"

Jihye spun back around to gape at Joonghyuk. "Teach me!"

He cleaned his sword with an apparent disinterest. "Why?"

"Please! I will do anything and everything you say," she said, offering out her own sword with a slight bow. "I want to learn sword fighting from you and become stronger."

Crafty emo bastard. Teenagers always want more what they are seemingly denied, that which is just out of reach or deemed "inaccessible." It also helped that he possessed an unfairly symmetrical face.

Joonghyuk finally looked up, appraising, and nodded once. Jihye gushed out her gratitude with stars in her eyes. "I'm Lee Jihye, by the way."

"Yoo Joonghyuk."

"Master," she said in a way that was both breathless and earnest.

[A few constellations look upon this new Master-Student relationship with great interest!]

"I'm here too," I muttered.

I was ignored by all.

There weren't many constellations I was close with in the last round. I sometimes exchanged messages with Mother, but she was not someone I could contact for the time being. I hardly knew any others in this regression. (Even Uriel had abandoned me, probably keenly looking after Jung Heewon as she bloomed into a fierce sword of judgement right about now.)

Joonghyuk gave quiet instructions to Jihye to which she nodded fervently. After all was said, she skipped away to do who knows what tasks for the strict and fussy regressor.

I pulled a granola bar from my backpack in the meantime, missing having someone companionable to talk with.

Dokja, Sangah, everyone...please arrive quickly.

As if he had read my thoughts with an omniscient skill, Joonghyuk sheathed his sword and approached me. "Kim Dokja. Is he really a prophet?"

I gave him a careful glance, swallowing the last bite. "Yes, but not in the traditional sense."

Joonghyuk hummed. He surprisingly wasn't using lie detection, or at least, I wasn't receiving notifications about it. But one could never be too careful.

"Once this next scenario is over, I will go with Dokja to capture the flags; I want to send him on the 'King's Road' as quick as possible."

"No. He will follow me."

I felt a spark of indignation. "You don't have a claim over him. He has his own goals, and I will be by his side, helping him."

"The prophet is more useful at my side."

"Like hell," I said angrily. "He may very well be your companion now, but he is my Dokja first!"

He stared at me hard and then groaned, disbelieving. "You fool. Love has no place in this world."

My face heated. "I never said—"

"You didn't have to."

"Listen—"

"Shut up and you listen. You may love freely in this turn and in the next, and so on, but you will learn very quickly what it means to hold on to that love. To lose it over and over again. To never see its conclusion. Love is not meant for us; a regressor's life is meant to be lived alone."

"He is not Lee Seolhwa."

I regretted my words immediately at the sad, embittered look on Joonghyuk's face. But I stood my ground.

"Dokja is not her. And anyways, this is my final turn, so I don't have to worry about such things."

Joonghyuk didn't respond. His anger had waned some, but now he held a sort of resignation, a pity, towards me. In his eyes, I was a mere child on my second turn at life—what was one try to a thousand failed attempts? Even though Joonghyuk only possessed memories up to his third turn, the instincts honed from 1,863 regressions had shaped this man's mindset. If only he knew that this would truly be his last.

"You should allow yourself to love this time, too, Joonghyuk."

He looked at me for a long while, then he blinked and scanned my face, taking in my closeness. In a toneless voice, he said, "Thanks, but I'm not interested."

I jerked back. This conceited egomaniac! "No—! Obviously, I meant Lee Seolhwa! Where did you get such a big head?"

Only because I had known 1863rd Yoo Joonghyuk for years was I able to spot the barest hint of amusement in the corners of his neutral expression. It was good to know that a sense of humor still existed somewhere in that scrambled brain of his.

Even if it was at my expense.

I grumbled curses at Joonghyuk and turned away. There was nothing pressing to do at the moment, so I left him in search of the largest green zone in Chungmuro station.

It was time to recruit—or dominate—Gong Pildu and his Landlord Alliance.

Ground rats were easy enough to hunt and gather, but no one cared to mention the smell and the way their coarse, thick hairs clung to your clothing and left a rank, oily film all over.

I deposited the last few carcasses next to my earlier haul. In the three days I had been here, we burned through the meat supply terribly quick. I knew wiping my hands on my pants would do nothing to reduce the gross feeling and stench, so I headed up to the toilets. There was a buzz of commotion.

A crowd had gathered around Gong Pildu's great plot of land. I spotted Sangah's light brown hair from behind, and rushed to push my way through the bystanders.

"No, you and that kid are 1,000 coins."

I burst forwards in time to see Dokja's face grow tight with anger.

[You have invaded private property!]

The turrets all aimed at my body now.

"Gong Pildu, that is too much." I glared at the potbellied man who straightened up when he saw me. "A 100 coins each. And I'll be the one paying it for them."

His turrets moved away at once. "Yeona, you know these boys?"

Dokja and Gilyoung jolted out of their excitement at the obvious familiarity with which Pildu spoke to me. I crossed my arms at Pildu and he drummed his fingers on his stomach nervously. "They invaded my property," he tried again.

"I've said I'll pay the fee," I said calmly. "Let them pass to the toilets. Now, please."

A conflicted expression crossed Pildu's face. Then he sighed and deactivated the turrets, waving a hand at the two beside me. "Fine then. You got off easy this time...lucky free riders."

Dokja looked very much like he wanted to snap back a retort, but I gave him a light shove towards the bathroom door. I gestured for our other companions to follow, and Sangah shot me a grateful smile as she passed by. I reached out my index finger to Gong Pildu.

He shook his head. "Nah, I don't want you paying me, girl. Family doesn't pay."

Yes...apparently my luck extended far beyond Kim Dokja and even my expectations. And I didn't have to use my luck bank either. By some ridiculous coincidence, Gong Pildu's daughter was named "Yeona" as well. I had discovered this in the last round, but it never served me any advantage back then. Now, with his family's death still fresh on his mind, Pildu immediately brought me into the fold when I had introduced myself. He was a bit dejected when I refused to join his Landlord Alliance, but the fact remained that I was given a free plot of land in the soft spot of his heart.

"Yeona!"

Pildu protested as I touched his hand to transfer 300 coins. I smiled at him. "An extra hundred for my own intrusion."

I went to the toilets and nearly ran into Dokja, who had been lingering by the doorway.

His eyes were sharp on me. "Did I hear that right? Family?"

"Uh." I scratched at the side of my face. "Well, you see, his daughter's name was 'Yeona,' too."

"But you're..."

"I know, I'm way older than his daughter probably was. But I guess getting to call someone by her name is enough." I pondered for a moment. "It must be awfully lonely to grieve alone."

We rounded the corner to the sinks, and there was a cough behind us. I turned, surprised to see Lee Jihye leaning against the wall. I hadn't noticed her standing with my group before. She sidled up to us with her sword perched on one shoulder.

"Jihye, why didn't you tell me they had arrived?"

The girl cast a sly grin at Dokja, and then at me. "His face when I said you were gone was too funny. I thought he would hit me. Or cry."

I narrowed my eyes at Jihye until she huffed and kicked at the ground. "Okay sorry. I'll tell your side piece the truth next time."

"He is not—!"

"Master will be very unhappy when he finds out you're two-timing him," she inspected her fingernails.

"LEE JIHYE."

The moment sacred light furiously twisted around my arms and into a blunt weapon of gold knuckles, Jihye became docile; one step towards her and she quickly skipped out of the bathroom.

"Like I would ever want to date that emo bastard," I muttered as I deactivated sacred light.

I spun around to find Dokja looking like the floor had dropped out from under him. There was a hard lump in my throat as I swallowed, a nervous laughter escaping. "Ignore her. She tends to talk out of her ass...I'm sure you already knew that, though."

"Yes," said Dokja stiffly. Something was on his mind but after a few moments, he must have decided not to share it because he set about washing the grime off his hands. In the time I had washed my own, Dokja still hadn't finished nor looked my way once.

The sound of running water filled the silence until Sangah emerged from a stall. She gave me a pursed-lip smile and rinsed hands next to Dokja, who was still washing his hands.

Sangah wiped the excess water on her suit pants and drew near me, placing a hand on my shoulder. She glanced back at Dokja and chuckled when I eyed her curiously.

"Later," she murmured. Then she was gone.

I sat up on the counter and waited. Dokja finally finished washing up (or feeling the sensation of water running over his skin for ten minutes?!) and he leaned back against the sink. Heewon emerged, glanced at us, and hurried out after Sangah. I kicked my feet, searching for something to say that might lessen the tension.

"Thank you for helping us back there," Dokja said at last.

"Of course. Gong Pildu was surprisingly easy to win over, as you saw. Lee Jihye on the other hand…" My face twisted into a scowl. "She’s loyal and overly-obsessed with her 'Master.' The only reason she even tolerates me is because I arrived with him."

"...Right." Dokja's sour mood returned in full force.

I fidgeted with the smooth, cold tile under my palms.

Before I could try again, Dokja asked, "What did you do the past few days?"

I ticked them off on my fingers. "Saved Lee Jihye from some murderers, trained up my stats and skills because they're downright abysmal right now, searched for the hidden theater dungeon—" I rerouted when Dokja startled at that "—but I didn't go in yet! I wanted to go there with you so I waited. Oh, and I've been mostly hunting ground rats for food."

A small smile now graced Dokja's face, and I felt at ease. "What happened with you while I was gone?"

He told me of the challenges at Geumho station and Cheon Inho's group, and of the struggle with the Dark Keeper in the tunnel cave. I listened intently, and though I knew the details already, I didn't have to pretend to care because it was not me reading these events, but listening to Kim Dokja recounting them. Telling his own story.

And he was truly a wonderful storyteller.

His hands flew in grand gestures as he told me of the battle in the cave, his eyes gleamed as he spoke of Han Myungoh's curse and the breaking of Samyeongdang's statue. His voice drew me in and I couldn't help but fall into his story, hanging on his every word. When he finished, it must have shown how starstruck I was, because he considered me, puzzled, but amused.

I cleared my throat. "You've had a great adventure already, it seems."

"I have."

I nodded to the sword at his side. "I'm glad you were able to get Unbroken Faith this time."

An odd expression crossed Dokja's face, but before he could voice a single thought, another person spoke.

"Why are you in the women's bathroom?"

Yoo Joonghyuk emerged, Jihye hovering behind him.

I wrinkled my nose. "Why are you?"

Joonghyuk gave me a bland look, as if I were stupid for even asking.

A heat of resentment burnt through me. "We're in the middle of a torrid and passionate lovemaking affair, so why don't you just see yourself out?"

Jihye cackled. Perhaps I had gained some favor with her over my words, but it was at the expense of my own neck—a neck Joonghyuk seemed very keen to slice in half at the moment despite my previous warning not to touch it. I didn't dare turn my head to view Dokja's reaction.

Joonghyuk decided to ignore me for the time being, and addressed Dokja again. "It looks like you've kept your companions."

"Looks like I have." Dokja straightened and stepped forwards to match Joonghyuk's gaze. "I see you've left Gong Pildu alone. Why is that?"

"Aren't you a prophet?" scoffed Joonghyuk.

"Prophets don't know everything." At Joonghyuk's crossing arms, Dokja amended, "You need him alive for a future scenario. But only Gong Pildu—so why the others?"

"You wouldn't understand."

The silence that followed was tense. Jihye squeezed the handle of her sword uncomfortably.

"She also left them alive. Why don't you ask her?" I went rigid as Joonghyuk cast his piercing gaze back onto me.

Dokja's expression was hard. "It isn't her problem to deal with."

It's the protagonist's job to deal with villains, is what he meant.

"Interesting."

I didn't like the way Joonghyuk was analyzing us. I remembered our talk from the other day and winced. He saw my love as a weakness, never mind if it was reciprocated or not, and I was afraid this would only hurt his willingness to be Dokja's companion. As much of a priority as my "Save Kim Dokja!" goal was, I didn't want to disrupt the bond that was barely beginning to form between these two.

"Does that apply to everyone, or just Yeona?"

Everyone—including me—startled at my given name falling from Yoo Joonghyuk's lips without any formalities attached. Dokja's jaw clenched hard. "Can I punch you just this once?"

[Incarnation 'Yoo Joonghyuk' has activated 'Tiger God Aura Lv. 5.']

Amusement ticked up in the corner of Joonghyuk's mouth. "If you have the confidence to."

Then he sauntered out of the room, black cape swishing behind him and Lee Jihye not long after. Dokja's fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly.

...I might have to have to work extra hard to ensure things went smoothly between those two blockheads.

I tugged along a still-infuriated Dokja, and we left the toilets to rejoin the rest of our group farther down the station. Dokja mumbled under his breath and shuffled away.

"Yeona-noona!"

Gilyoung launched himself at my torso and hugged me. I ruffled his hair with a smile. "I missed you, Gilyoung."

He squeezed me tightly. "Please don't leave anymore."

It wasn't something I could promise the young boy, so I cast my eyes around, only to find Namwoon awkwardly shuffling back and forth on each foot. I called his name and he jolted up. I held out my other arm. "Get in here, too, you crazy demon."

With a happy cry, he attached himself to my other side. "Angel-noona, don't leave me with these losers ever again."

"Hey!"

Gilyoung pinched Namwoon's arm, and the latter returned the favor. They devolved into a fierce pinching battle, so I untangled from them. "Stop it. I'd like you two to get along, if you can."

Gilyoung stuck out his tongue at Namwoon, who scowled.

I sighed. Perhaps it was too much to ask.

After untangling myself from them, I went over to the others. Hyunsung and Sangah greeted me warmly, expressing their happiness over our reunion and my safety.

When I got to Jung Heewon, I stuck out a tentative hand and she took it. "Nice to meet you. I'm Choi Yeona—oh!"

Heewon swept me up in a tight hug, wrapping me in her old general's robe like seaweed around a roll of gimbap. "I know. They talk about you a lot."

"Hopefully all good things," I said, a little flustered.

She pulled back and smiled. "Actually, I want to thank you properly." At my confusion she continued. "One of those guys returned with...an interesting removal procedure."

My face cleared. "Removal? Did it fall off then? That wasn't my intention."

"Mm I guess. Anyways, I owe you for that. And for leaving them to me."

"They weren't mine to kill," I said in a hard voice. "You owe me nothing; I'm just relieved you're alright in the end."

Heewon nodded. We exchanged a few more words, and then I approached Dokja sitting on a concrete bench. He was deeply focused on something.

"There's only an hour and a half left."

He was broken from his stupor and looked up at me. I sat beside him.

Dokja fidgeted with the smartphone in his hand. "I'm not sure what is best to do about Gong Pildu."

"We can beat them if we join forces!" said Heewon from nearby, and she tried activating 'Hour of Judgement,' but the constellations of the absolute good system remained quiet over her request.

"It's no use," I said. "The Landlord Alliance is not considered evil."

"But aren't they?" There was a confused, almost lost, expression on Heewon's face.

"From our perspective," Dokja stood. "But constellations adhere to a different standard of morality. Evil must be agreed upon."

Heewon was clearly enraged to discover this truth.

"But there might be a way."

All of us paused to look at Dokja. He smiled. There was a smug, confident lift to it that was so attractive, I had to press my thighs into my seat to stem the inviting heat curling inside of me.

"There's a way we can defeat them, but let's leave that for later. Right now, we must survive the night. We should split up to find a green zone room that will fit all of us—Heewon and Gilyoung together, and Hyunsung, Sangah, and Namwoon. Yeona and I will search this area. Meet here twenty minutes before the scenario starts."

Namwoon looked back at me, as if to complain. I narrowed my eyes and he huffed; they all nodded in determination and scattered. Dokja sat back down next to me and began scrolling through his phone. Of course we both knew that searching was hopeless.

It was then that Bihyung must have privately reprimanded him for looking at a "blank" screen, because he turned to me, leaning in close. "Yeona. Can you read anything on my phone?"

I was already staring at it in shock. "...I can."

I could read Ways of Survival. Was it my status as a transmigrator? I wasn't a "character," but in that case, Sangah or Gilyoung should be able to read his phone as well. It unsettled me. There was something odd, something more to this, but I was missing the proper pieces to figure it out.

"I—we should talk about this later," I said quietly, flicking my eyes up to the ceiling. Dokja agreed.

"You two seem really laid back."

Jihye walked towards us with a grin, sword unsheathed and on the usual perch on her shoulder. "Hey, ahjussi. I liked the way you stood up to Master...so I don't want you to die. Both of you."

Dokja grinned back as we stood to greet her. "We won't."

Joonghyuk appeared then with a frown. "You plan to fight the monsters? You'll die, and so will your companions."

"We'll see about that." Dokja challenged him with a cocky raise of an eyebrow. Joonghyuk's eye twitched.

Before the pair left, I took Jihye aside to enlist her help. Joonghyuk observed us curiously, but didn't reject my request on behalf of his student. Jihye agreed and they disappeared.

Lee Jihye would ensure her, Namwoon, and Gilyoung had spots secured upstairs. It made me a bit nervous to trust her with them, particularly Gilyoung, but it was safer up there than down here next to the spawning location (and I not-so-subtly implied that I would gut her like a fish if she let anything happen to them). Though she didn't seem to be overly fond of me still, I sensed that she respected me enough for this task. I wasn't sure how much of that was related to Joonghyuk or her own judgement.

The others returned just then, arguing over which demand they were given was more ridiculously priced for a green zone that night.

Dokja gathered them round and began to explain his plan.

The red barrier ahead of us cast a sinister glow. Sangah, Heewon and Hyunsung were grouped in front of Dokja and I.

[The third main scenario is activated.]

"Go now!"

Snarling monsters emerged from the red. The group sprinted forwards and dashed to the left. They each made it to the green panel on the wall.

[Green Zone 3/3]

Dokja and I ran, monster claws and teeth nipping at our heels, and my skin stung as it was caught and shredded. A horde of beasts charged at us from the front, and we leapt over them.

We were nearly to the other hidden green zone panel when Dokja stopped. Yoo Joonghyuk was right where I knew he would be, leaning against the glowing green wall. I tugged an angry Dokja forwards anyways. My brows furrowed as I neared the barrier. "Joonghyuk, get o—"

"You bastard!"

Dokja was furious now, fending off monsters as his glare bored into the regressor that had just grabbed and yanked me into the green zone behind him.

"Joonghyuk," I said.

He must have sensed something peculiar in my tone because he craned his head back to look at me. I gave him a sickly sweet smile before shoving him forth with a huge buff of strength. He flew into the swarm of monsters. "You're so predictable!"

I stepped out of the green zone just far enough to grab Dokja's arm and shirt collar and pull him towards me. Joonghyuk leapt up, but it was too late.

[Green Zone 2/2]

[A number of constellations are in shock over your actions!]

The tidal waves of fury emanating from Joonghyuk were quickly curbed as he was distracted by the monsters piling on top of him. He set to work at once, slashing off limbs and piercing ribcages in a mess of blood and matted fur and flesh. Individual constellation messages filled the corner of my vision, but I ignored them. It wasn't a good situation. It wasn't funny, either. It wasn't—

But a gleeful little giggle escaped me anyways.

I tilted my head to look at Dokja, who was staring at me in amazement. I beamed at him. His arms were firm around my back.

"Yeona, you really..."

I shrugged. "You were thinking it too; he's more than capable of surviving the night alone. And I think we deserve the break."

My hands tightened on Dokja's collar as I peeked over his shoulder. Joonghyuk was fighting a fresh wave of beasts a ways down the tunnel now, his back to us barely visible through the horde. He would have to fight until dawn or kill another person to occupy their zone. But this was the regressor and protagonist, Yoo Joonghyuk. I wasn't worried for him one bit.

Plus, now Dokja could save those specter's stones for a more dire situation in the future. They would come in handy.

My bent elbows grew uncomfortable at that angle, so I slid my arms behind Dokja's neck and chanced a glance at his face.

He was still staring. I looked back at him, blinking slowly.

I felt his hands press into my body a little harder. There wasn't a ton of distance between us, but we weren't all that close together either. I didn't dare move, nor speak, for fear of shattering the unnamed moment that had formed amidst the turmoil surrounding us.

Dokja moved one arm to brace the wall behind me and lean forwards, resting his head against it. His body trapped me in a bubble of heat from our earlier exertion outrunning the monsters. Each heavy breath he took made his chest brush against mine.

"Thank you," he murmured.

I nodded my head, a little disappointed, then let my weight slump against the wall, too.

[The constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' grumbles with displeasure.]

It was going to be a long night. I didn't fancy staying awake the whole time—sleep deprivation was not a problem we could afford with the never-ending scenario dangers—but there really was no other option.

So I cast my mind to the future, sifting through possibilities and backup plans for my backup plans. If my mind had to be alert all night, then I should at least make use of it.

And if both Dokja and I chose to continue holding on to one another for the remaining eight hours, then that was nobody's business but ours. (But a few constellations were rather interested in that little development anyways.)

Our occupied green zone was terribly small, so we had to do it, right?

...Right?

Next part ->

A/N: RIGHT!

[The author 'snowfieldstories' hopes this fluff will make up for the trauma-angst earlier.]

[quillneriine]

Hello! I read your ‘merformers megatron au’ and I love the way you portrayed the characters and how this world works, but I got 2 questions

1. Why are the primes sleeping in the first place?

2. What do you think megs mer form looks like and how do megs long lost parents treat their returned son?

I honestly can’t wait for more but until then, have a great day!

Hi! I'm glad you liked it! And yes I love questions hahaha

So for why the Primes are sleeping, technically this was already answered in the second chapter that I published yesterday. Though essentially they are sleeping of their own accord, because they're not the rulers/guardians of Iacon here. They're essentially monstrous abominations. However, while they may be monstrous, they're not immediately evil. So, because they know that Primus regrets making them and that normal Cybertronians would freak out at the sight of them, they willingly went into stasis since there's really no reason for them to just kinda be awake. Might as well sleep and rest.

As for this one, I'd like to imagine that Megatron's mer form takes inspiration from sharks. I know that D-16 from TF:One is more round, but since we are going a bit animalistic/eldritch here in this AU then he mostly is shark-like in his merformer form. Admittedly, he looks very normal-ish. It's not mentioned in the fic but like the Primes looked more fucked up depending on when they were created. So like, Prima is more fucked up looking because he's the first Prime created. Megatronus, on the other hand, looks like a normal Cybertronian except with a mermaid tail and being huge. So yeah, he's normal-looking except for the tail.

As for how they treat their son. So obviously in the second chapter, Dee managed to get back to Iacon but if he wasn't able to escape, they'd be very protective over him. Like Megatronus was already upset to figure out that Megatron essentially disappeared from their side for a few cycles. That's why he'd keep Megatron close to him instead of putting him in the mini-lake in Prima's mountain. Like just going to make sure he doesn't wander off again. Prima, on the other hand, can only really visit Megatron via his dreams since he wouldn't have been awakened if Megatron didn't escape like he did in the second chapter. He would be equally protective of him.

But yeah, thank you for the questions and I hope you have a great day too!

[in-amor-veritas]

Us against the world chp 6 (fic I stopped writing)

I love that fic so so much 🥹❤️

Gahhh thank you 😭

Honestly I stopped writing it bc it was kind of just my place to theorize about what would happen in s3 and I lost the plot hahaha and then s3 came out and I didn’t need it anymore and I wanted to focus on other fics but I had like 5k of the next chapter written 🫠🫠😩

As a refresher its post s2 its so funny to read shit I was just making up about what could happen post s2

In this scene Simon and Wille go to mariebergs valborg event

—————-

They arrive when the party is in full swing, it’s already dark and the flames from the bonfire on the lakeshore roar and crackle and spark, illuminating the surrounding and the crowd of teenagers in flickering glowing light. Simon is glad they came later because no one really notices them when they approach.

“Are you okay?” Wille asks at his side, touching his arm.

Simon wants to take his hand, but he feels self conscious and he hates that he feels that way. Hates that he wouldn’t feel that way with someone else and hates how it feels as though he’s taking a step back into a closet that he had never actually been in before. It’s so unfair and stupid that he feels this way with a person who he loves more than anything when he’d been carefree about showing affection with people he had dated in the past.

Hell. He’d been open in public with fucking Marcus.

Swallowing and gritting his teeth he ignores the voice in his head, says fuck you to that voice and reaches down to take Wille’s hand, squeezing tightly, “I’m okay.” He says trying to give him a reassuring smile.

Wilhelm squeezes back, “It’s okay. I’m here.”

He breathes out through his nose and smiles a bit, to himself really, feeling relieved that Wilhelm seems to understand without him having to say it.

Ayub waves when he sees them and Simon sucks up the last of his nerves and leads Wilhelm over. He’s standing with Rosh who has her hand around a dark haired girls waist. Simon also recognizes several of his friends from Marieberg days with them.

Malin is lingering in the background, scanning over the heads but she stays back and no one really seems to notice her.

When they approach the group Ayub raises his hand in greeting, meanwhile Rosh just stares at Wilhelm, taking a sip from her beer.

“Hey Simme.” Ayub says leaning forward to give him a one armed hug. He pulls back and looks over to Wille, nodding.

“Hey man.”

Wilhelm takes a step closer to Simon and gives a small, awkward smile as the rest of the groups attention turns to them. “Hi.”

“Been a while.” Rosh remark, taking another sip.

Simon doesn’t miss the way. Wille’s eyes move over to her, lingering momentarily on the intimate way she and the other girl are pressed together. Yasmina watches him with a bored expression, before looking down at her acrylics and pushing her long, thick hair over her shoulder.

“Yeah it..has been a long time.” His boyfriend replies and Simon narrows his eyes at his friend trying to telepathically tell her to be nice.

“Hi Yasmina…um how are you?” He’s only met the other girl a few times and they’ve never really clicked, but if he wants Rosh to be nice to his ex then he has to compromise a little doesn’t he.

She shrugs, pursing her lips, “The same but it’s cool to see you. A lot has changed since you left Marieberg didn’t it.”

It’s at this moment he hears a snort and when he looks over a tall blond is grinning at them. Immediately Simon’s face lights up as the boy opens his arms for a hug. “Henke!”

“Simme!” He grins, “how is it going? It’s been forever.”

Simon knows Henke from his brief time in the choir at Marieberg, Henke, or Henrik, was always nice and easy to get along with and he had joined their group a few times once they had realized his girlfriend, Daniella, was on the same football team with Rosh.

At his side Wilhelm coughs and he pulls back, “Oh right, so yeah..uh this Wilhelm. Wilhelm this is Henrik, but we call him Henke.”

“Hey man.” Henke smiles, waving and Wilhelm looks between them before he nods.

If Simon didn’t know better he would think that Wilhelm seemed a little threatened, which is ridiculous, but also kind of endearing and Simon laughs softly begin his hand and nods to the girl at Henke’s side, “And this is Henke’s girlfriend, Daniella, by the way it’s nice to see you again.” He turns toward her and smiles a bit.

At his words Wille seems to relax a bit, “Oh…hi.”

“Hey you.” She smiles and leans forward to hug him too and then nods to his boyfriend, “Wilhelm.”

Wilhelm seems much more relaxed now that the others seem to not have bat an eye at his presence.

“So. I would ask what’s been up with you since you left Marieberg but—“ Henke grins at him and Simon snorts.

“Oh all you need to do is read Hänt Extra and you can learn everything about me.”

“Thought so. So it’s true that you guys eloped in secret and that Simon is going to be the new Prince Consort then?”

Next to him Wilhelm snorts.

“Yea totally because I think getting married at 16 is a completely rational thing to do.” Simon says with a nod.

“Yeah it totally is so let me know where to send your wedding gift.” Henrik says seriously, “Congratulations to both of you.”

“Yeah thanks. Simon’s been hoping for a new toaster.” His boyfriend says and everyone in the group chuckles including Yasmina who usually is wearing a sour face.

Henke looks over at Wilhelm and then to Simon, “You guys want something to drink?”

Wilhelm looks to him and he shrugs, “Not for me, but if you want something go ahead.”

Henke goes to grab Wilhelm a beer and a soda for Simon from the cooler and while he’s gone they strike up a conversation with Daniella about the hot gossip at Marieberg, Rosh joining in when they get to the topic of some of the football girls.

Ayub hangs back and nudges him, “So it’s not that bad huh?” Simon sighs in relief as he watches Wilhelm talking with the others, his movements more animated now that he’s grown more comfortable.

Henrik comes back with the drinks and another familiar face and Simon has to fight the urge to groan when Rahim smirks at him.

“Hi Simon.” The boy grins, a hand on his hip and waving at him, “Nice to see you again.”

He doesn’t hate Rahim. They had never really hung out, but Rahim was always one of the popular kids, one of the “fun gays” as a particularly annoying classmate of theirs had said once.

He was trendy, good looking, outgoing, funny and outspoken, friends with all the “it” girls in their year, whereas Simon was just considered “weird”. Far be it from Simon to judge how anyone expresses themselves or their sexuality but he personally had been so tired of being compared to him, as two of the only “out” boys in their class. He had been tired of people telling him they were surprised he was gay because he “didn’t act like it.”

He doesn’t really know why Rahim is suddenly coming up to him like they’ve always been old friends, but as he watches the boy's eyes flicker towards his boyfriend he gets the feeling he knows why.

“And you must be Wilhelm.” His smile is saccharine as he steps closer to them putting a hand on his chest, “I have to tell you. I was so touched by your speech. It was really brave.”

Wilhelm immediately seems to grow a bit uncomfortable, tensing slightly at his side. Simon catches how Rosh’s and Daniella’s eyes snap to himself and he looks back at them with a raised eyebrow. Ayub and Henrik of course seem completely oblivious as they sip their drinks and watch the bonfire.

“Oh um…thank you?” Wilhelm says awkwardly.

“Personally I think it’s a blessing to have someone like you in a leadership positio—“ Simon can see the way Rosh mimes gagging and would usually laugh if he wasn’t so focused on how close Rahim is leaning towards his boyfriend.

“Someone like me?” Wille says sounding confused and Rahim nods emphatically.

“Yeah of course you know— someone gay.”

“Oh.” Wilhelm frowns, “I'm not—well I don’t really know if I would say I’m gay.”

They had never really talked about this, Simon knows that Wilhelm is comfortable with his sexuality and he knows that he never doubted his feelings for him. But Wilhelm has never really labeled himself and it doesn’t matter to Simon anyway so it had never really been a point of conversation between the two of them. Wilhelm had told him he wasn’t the first boy he had been attracted to, but he was the first Wilhelm ever acted on those feelings for and that was that.

Rahim however raises an eyebrow, “Oh? Bi then?”

Wilhelm seems to think about it and then frowns, “I don’t really…I don’t know. I don’t really want to label myself right now, I mean I know how I feel and that’s…” he shrugs.“That’s just how it is.”

“Well that’s fine too.” Rahim grins, “But in any case it’s cool that our Crown Prince is queer.” Simon feels his stomach twist when the other boy puts a hand on Wilhelm's arm.

His boyfriend takes a step back, posture stiff, “Well. Thank you…for your support.”

Stepping in, Simon slides his arm into Wille’s and smiles sharply at Rahim. “Yes, thanks for supporting us.”

Rahim looks him over and Simon feels his eyes slide over him critically, his clothes and shoes and hair, the other boy smirks a bit before taking a step back.

“So.” Rahim then turns back to Simon with a keen eye, “I heard you were dating Marcus for a bit.”

Wille freezes and he himself tenses up, eyes widening as he tries to collect his thoughts, “Uh no? We were never really dating. Like we hung out a few times—-“

“But you hooked up right?”

Simon feels his stomach turn, looking over at Wilhelm who has gone still and silent.

“No?” He frowns, “Where did you even hear that?”

Rahim blinks, opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then goes quiet. “Oh nowhere.”

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 4 Summary:

A few weeks have passed since the heated encounter with Joel and he has gone silent. Embarrassed, you have tried to apologize to him for days but he is constantly dodging you. Joel has found a never ending list of tasks, seemingly only able to stay in your presence momentarily before dashing off again. When an awkward dinner has him running into the woods, Joel stumbles across something he was not expecting to find.

Warnings: Angst/Comfort, Violence, SA attempts (Not by Joel, omg he would never), Hurt/Comfort, Sweet Ending, Mentions of a Panic Attack, Both you and Joel need a hug after this one :'(

A/N: Hello babes! Sorry for the wait, I spoke at my first academic conference this weekend so I've been having a week long panic attack hahaha. It went well though!We are back with Joel and you. Major warning for this chapter, with mentions of violence and an attempt of SA (not by our bb Joel, he would NEVER), but a resolution at the end so hold tight. If any of this bothers you, hold tight for the next chapter and we will drowning in the fluff. Take care of yourselves!

Chapter 4/20

Chapter 4: An Unexpected Arrival

The next three weeks with Joel passed by slowly. The man seemed to avoid you like the plague. By the time you woke up in the morning he was already out checking the traps, with only a wrapped plate of food with a note on the counter to serve as a clue that he had been there. He would come back in the early afternoon, increasingly red in the face as the temperature dropped, and give you a polite nod or a soft, “Howdy,” before going to work in the kitchen. Even when you tried to convince Joel to let you help him, he would just smile and brush you off. Despite your incessant offers, he shooed you out of the kitchen and into the living room while he worked on lunch. 

Idleness was not something you were used to and it began to gnaw at your sanity. You tried to find comfort in reading the books that lined the walls, but it was not enough. The world you were used to was chalk full of tasks, living with someone who did everything for you was as unsettling as it was comfortable. You micro cleaned as much as you could but Joel Miller was frustratingly tidy. 

Everyday,  Joel would eat lunch with you at the table. He would listen and politely respond to whatever you said to him, usually grunting out a short response or humming as he continued to chew, but the man that you had told your tale of teenage delinquency to was long gone. After hastily scarfing down his lunch, he would murmur something about going back to work and then practically sprint out the door. 

In the days after you threw yourself at him, Joel had embarked on a seemingly endless list of tasks. First, it was covering the windows with plexiglass to insulate the space. Next, it was clearing out the gutters that you noticed were mostly empty. After, it was splitting an unreasonable amount of wood. This particular task had you sat at the window to watch him work, Joel having gruffly sent you inside with a murmur of, “S’too cold darling, can’t have ya freezing on me.” 

Watching Joel had something stirring deep in your core, sweat beginning to bead at your forehead as your heart fluttered behind your ribs. Joel truly was a piece of art, with his toned arms and soft yet strong abdomen. As sweat began to run down Joel’s face, he shed his bulky coat and you had the pleasure of watching his muscles ripple underneath the white t-shirt that stretched over his biceps. The curls that you dreamed of running your hands through were messy and Joel had to stop every few minutes to push them back off of his forehead as he caught his breath. 

Exasperated with his locks, Joel paused momentarily and shoved them back once more before lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe at his brow, revealing his scarred belly. A bolt of longing burst from your core and made you clench your thighs together as you imagined running your fingers across the puckered skin. Joel’s eyes rose to meet yours and your breath halted in your chest. A moment passed, and then two, while Joel studied your form in the window seat. The throbbing at the apex of your thighs doubled as his eyes went black while raking over your figure. You shifted your hips slightly, trying to be subtle as you eased some of the growing pressure on the edge of the seat. Even with your bottom half hidden from him, Joel’s eyes caught the slight rocking. He ran his tongue over the plushness of his bottom lip, before he cursed and shook his head, returning to splitting the logs. 

In the days after your heated encounter you tried not to dissolve into a puddle of shame, kicking yourself every time you remembered how you had rubbed yourself against him. The moment you had stepped in the shower after leaving him aching on the bed, you were groaning into your hands. Remembering how Joel had practically begged you to get off of him, you had lost all of the lust instilled confidence that you had. You had tried to be coy and flirty like all of the omegas in the novellas that Jake had snuck to you once upon a time. It always worked in those books. The protagonist would push the buttons of their lover and they would be practically on their knees before them in an instant. It seemed to work on every alpha, but not Joel apparently. 

Of course Joel didn’t actually want you, he was an alpha that had been caught up in the crazed omega that had ground down on his knot like a bitch in heat. He couldn’t help the physical response that you elicited from him, and now you had made him feel awkward in his own home. You felt awful. You wanted to apologize to him, to beg him to forget it so that the next few months weren’t completely unbearable, but Joel was making it impossible to do so with his continuous absence. 

Frustrated, and bored of doing nothing but reading, you were becoming more and more irritable. If Joel had picked up on this, he did not say. He continued on his endless task list, stopping only to sleep, bathe, or coddle you with ridiculously large portions of food. Not that you were complaining about the food or the coddling, your figure had started to fill out again, your eyes had become less sunken in your face, and you had finally managed to tear through the last of the clumps that had bound your hair in a permanent rat’s nest. You liked being cared for, it was new and warm, but the solitude and inactivity was going to drive you up a wall. 

The restraint you had after you had found the pictures was fraying at the ends. The door at the end of the hall mocked you with every passing moment. You were so curious that you almost asked him about it nearly every time he sat down to eat, but you bit your tongue remembering the outcome of the last time you had gone snooping. Still, with every passing moment your restraint wore down as the thought of him flying off the handle began to appeal to your companionless state. At least if Joel was yelling at you, he would finally pay attention to you. Maybe then you could finally apologize. 

 Instead, you spent your days reading, napping, pacing, trying to find anything to clean in a practically sterile cabin, and trying not to scream when you thought of the feeling of Joel’s warm body against your own. Each night you would toss and turn for hours, trying not to leave the bedroom and seek him out on the couch. Managing to restrain yourself, you would eventually fall asleep cocooned in his musk. You wondered constantly how Joel’s scent in the room was as strong as the day you arrived, considering he only entered it briefly before sleeping to collect his clothes for the next day. 

One night, this led to you watching him eat with clenched fists as you ground your back molars against each other. Sweat dampened your back as your eyes roamed over the man across from you. Joel’s throat constricted with a swallow, making you practically keen at the thought of nipping at the thin skin below his jaw. His scent, once comforting, was now making you feel slightly feverish. You didn’t even hear him when he called you the first time. 

“Hmmmm… what? What did you say Joel?,” you asked dreamily while watching his coffee colored eyes examine you. 

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little… flustered darling,” Joel said, a slight tremor in his usually smooth voice. 

Were you alright? Were you fucking alright? Was he serious? After three weeks of barely acknowledging you, he now sat there and asked you how you were?! Rage bubbled up to the surface and you tried to quell the storm brewing in your gut as you glared at him. 

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you gave a fuck,” you snapped, immediately regretting the childish words as Joel’s eyes widened. 

Panicking, you mumbled an apology, something about being too tired as you tried to keep yourself together. The smell of sandalwood and bergamot was ripping tingles from your core and you became increasingly aware of the dampness of your panties, praying silently to yourself that there wouldn’t be a wet spot on the cushion when you stood. Joel didn’t say anything to you and sat there silently as you floundered, although you noticed his knuckles turn white as he clenched the utensils in his grasp. Finally finished with your nonsensical apology and incoherent excuse, you leaped out of the chair and sprinted down the hallway. 

Pressing your back against the hard wood of the bedroom door, you slid down onto the floor and knocked your head back against it. You didn’t understand what was happening to you, being around Joel was unlocking a part of you that you didn’t even know existed. You wanted to tear the clothes off of his broad body, you wanted to hug him, you wanted to feel him inside of you, you wanted to know his favorite color, you wanted him to pull your hair as he slammed into you, you wanted to hear him play his guitar. It was like your body couldn’t decide whether it wanted Joel to tear you apart, or if it wanted you to build him up. Perhaps it wanted both. Either way, the constant battle between the two was maddening. 

As you sat there, trying to regulate your breathing and shifting your hips aimlessly as you thought about Joel’s downturned lips, you heard the scuff of the kitchen chair followed by a shuffling of coats. The frame of the house shook as the front door slammed closed. Groaning, you banged your head softly against the wood again as you tried to erase the fantasies that were plaguing your desperate thoughts. 

After a few moments of Joel being gone the tingles had dulled and you dizzily made your way over to the sink to splash some cold water on your face. As you looked up to see your wet face, you wondered how the handsome southerner would look with drops of water running down his body. You imagined beads of water dripping from his curls onto his strapping shoulders, rolling down the expanse of his tan midsection before reaching the patch of hair below his navel…

You groaned louder, abandoning the sink for the icy embrace of a cold shower. 

 - Joel - 

The past three weeks with you had been hell. Joel had tried everything he could think of to stay away, even lying about cleaning the gutters just to get away from watching the softness of your thighs jiggle as you walked around in your sleep shorts. He ended up just standing on the ladder like a fucking idiot for an hour as he pretended to shuffle around the empty eavestrough. He didn’t know what to do, it was clear that he needed to stay away, as only a few moments with you had him ravenous. Joel was a gentleman, being raised in the south he had been taught how to be respectful towards omegas. However, your constant chattering over meals was threatening to break him. 

Joel listened to your every word, soaking in every bit of information that you gave him as he tried to piece together moments from your past. He even had favorite characters at this point, Jake and Miriam stories being his favorite while stories about Josiah or your mother had him chewing on the inside of his cheek. Joel tried to piece together your life in his head but so far the events were too scattered and confusing to make any sense of what had happened. As you talked, he noticed that you spoke with your hands and placed your index finger on the tip of your nose when you were trying to remember something. Cute, he had thought to himself the first time he had noticed it before he snapped his gaze back to his plate. This didn’t stop the same thought from running through his mind every time he caught you doing it. 

Joel tried to maintain a certain level of distance between the two of you, but he couldn’t stop himself from caring for you. He allowed himself the indulgence of providing for you, his heart swelling in chest as he watched you become healthier. You had been starved when you had arrived, but watching you fill out had him both happy and horribly frustrated. Nourishing you made him preen, but as your curves returned it was getting harder to keep himself from slinging you over his shoulder like a caveman and carrying you off to bed. 

He had remained the picture of chivalry for weeks. Nonetheless, even a gentleman has his limits, and his came at dinner one night. Joel had noticed you being off for the last few days, snapping at him when he gave you a big spoon instead of a small one, scenting everywhere around the house, watching him chop wood like he was a piece of meat, and Joel had a sneaking suspicion that you were responsible for his missing clothes. He should have known, should have remembered with his many years of experience, but he didn’t. 

You had been staring at him, looking at him with such intensity that he wondered if you were mad at him. Joel racked his brain for any slight he might’ve committed as he took in your features. The apples of your cheeks were red, a light sheen of sweat illuminated your face and neck, and your lips were raw from biting. Forgetting himself, Joel had called out to you and asked if you were okay. With no response, a twinge of anxiety pinched his heart. Oh fuck, were you sick? 

“Are you feeling alright? You look a little… flustered darling,” Joel said, a slight tremor in his voice as every possible catastrophe ran through his mind. 

“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you gave a fuck,” you snapped, the bitterness to your usually sweet tone slapping him in the face. 

Surprised, Joel’s eyes widened for a moment before he studied you, watching as you stumbled through an apology. If Joel didn’t know any better, he would have asked you if you were on drugs, but he knew that he had left his stash in Boston. There weren’t any drugs in the cabin either, he had torn through it a couple times in his low moments to check. He watched as your words slurred together as you spoke, sweat covering every inch of you, but it wasn’t until Joel noticed the slight shift to your hips under the table that it dawned on him. You were going into heat.  

Fuck. He hadn’t even thought about that. How could he not fucking think about that? The last omega he had been with was Sarah’s mom. Tess was a beta so heats were not really an issue with her. He hadn’t had a rut since Boston, he didn’t even think he could get hard until a few weeks ago when you stumbled into his life. Joel had chalked it up to age, he was 56 after all. Men went limp way earlier than that all the time. Unfortunately for him, the bastard was apparently just on vacation because now his cock twitched to life every time you so much as looked his way. Now, with the smell of the sweetness leaking out of you, Joel had to bear down on every muscle in his body to ensure that he didn’t vault over the table and clamp his teeth down on your neck. 

Your apology was long, or at least he thought so as he bent the silverware in his hands. He watched as your frantic hands tried to keep up with your garbled speech. Each movement from you sent a ripple of air to his nostrils, and everytime he inhaled he could feel something dark and primal stirring below his belt. Finally, you had excused yourself and scampered off to the bedroom, leaving nothing behind but a wet seat. Joel stared at the spot, having to vehemently berate himself in order to stop the urge to walk over and bury his face in it. Shit, he needed some air. 

Pushing his seat back from the table, Joel moved as quickly as he could. He shoved his arms through the first jacket he could find, even though he felt like he was burning up, before he ripped the door open and ran down the steps of the cabin.  The cool air leached into Joel’s sweaty body as he stumbled through into the brush, fighting against his instincts as they screamed at him to turn around. He was frustrated, his cock half hard and pushing into his zipper as he moved clumsily into the night. 

It wasn’t until he had been walking for about five minutes that Joel realized that he wasn’t wearing any shoes. His body was so overheated, he had barely felt the frozen earth against his socked feet. Joel swore, scrubbing his face with his hands before turning back towards the cabin. He didn’t want to go back, what he wanted to do was walk straight past the trees in front of him and into the rushing waters. He wanted to sink into the icy river and let it take him away, to be released from the constant torment that you were unknowingly inflicting upon him. But he couldn’t do that, you needed him. 

“Fuck’s sake,” Joel groaned, begining his trek back home. 

Only making it a couple of steps, Joel stumbled over something before catching himself on the gnarled tree stump to his left. He regained his balance before peering down at the ground in search of a culprit. Expecting to see a log or twisted tree root, Joel’s blood goes cold. What he was not expecting to find was an emptied soup can in his path. Joel gulped as he reached out his now shaking hands to examine it. It was fresh, with a few scoops of red broth coating the bottom and suddenly Joel’s chest was tight. His ears pricked up as he whipped his head around, trying to discern which route the intruder had taken. 

In all his years stranded in the forest, he had never had anyone get within five miles of his cabin, and now in the span of less than a month he had two people come across him? Fuck, he needed to get back. Backtracking towards the cabin, Joel tried to compose himself as he began to jog. He needed to remain calm, he didn’t want to scare you. 

Just as Joel picked up the pace, a shriek pierced through the still air and made him freeze before he found himself crashing through the trees. 

 - You -

The cold water pelted down on your figure as you shook violently. You couldn’t think of Joel if you were focusing on trying to breathe, right? After a few minutes of tormenting yourself under the frosty spray, you finally stepped from the shower, feeling only slightly less flustered. Just then, you heard the front door click and two heavy boots make their way across the threshold. You sighed, Joel was back, which meant you would have to face him after embarrassing yourself again. Fuck. 

“Better to get it over with,” you whispered to yourself, toweling off before slipping into some loose shorts and one of Joel’s shirts that you had added to your growing collection. 

Bracing yourself, you stepped into the hallway and padded softly into the hall. Joel didn’t answer as you called him and you cringed. Was he THAT pissed at your stupid little outburst? You sighed, steeling yourself and moving into the living room, only to be met with an acrid smell that stung your throat. Eyes watering, you moved into the room and tried to pinpoint the smell before a set of hands grabbed your hips from behind. 

You shrieked. 

 - Joel - 

Joel felt like the sky was falling as he ran through the thicket. He tried to focus as his legs moved as quickly as they could, but memories flashed through his mind anyways. Sarah. Tess. Ellie. Now you? No, he couldn’t think of that right now. He needed to get to you. 

Finally reaching his home, Joel bound up the stairs that he had built, taking them two at a time, and tore into the living room. His eyes darted across the room, taking in the broken vase before landing on the clump of hair that had clearly been ripped out of someone’s scalp. Joel refocused as he heard you cry out, feet crunching under the broken glass as he barreled into the bedroom. 

The scene before Joel made his blood boil. A greasy looking alpha was trying to claw the shorts off of your legs. A bloody patch gleamed at him from a filthy scalp, blood beading from where you had torn out a clump of straggly hair. You were beating at his chest, crying and objecting as you tried to buck him off of you. Your legs kept kicking at him as he tried to undress you, which clearly angered the man. The alpha raised his hand to slap you into submission. 

Joel snapped. 

He ripped the man off of you and slammed him to the floor, looming over him momentarily as the blood rushed in his ears. The man tried to lunge at him, growling and spitting, but Joel caught him by the neck and slammed him back onto the hardwood. The filthy man wheezed and scraped at the vice around his neck as Joel choked him, his eyes bulging from the lack of oxygen. 

“Go into the other room,” Joel said. 

When you made no move, he turned his head slightly and looked into your teary eyes. 

“Go. Now.” 

This wasn’t a suggestion, it was a command, and you obeyed before your mind could get in the way. Joel turned back to the man as you scurried out of the room, the door swaying shut behind you. He eased his grip and watched as the now purple faced man sucked air into his foul smelling mouth. He wanted to punch the yellow teeth out his reddened gums, to make him choke on them, but he needed answers first. 

“You’re gonna tell me where you came from, how many people you’re with, and what the fuck you’re doing here,” Joel said. 

“Fuck y- AGH!,” the man groaned as Joel slammed his fist into his nose.

Blood trickled down the man’s sallow face, staining the planks of wood below his head. Joel tsked as the man’s eyelids fluttered, slapping his jaw to keep the bastard focused. 

“I’m gonna ask you again, real nice. Choose your next words carefully, or things are about to get a lot worse for ya.” 

Panting and eyes watering as blood ran into his mouth, the man focused on Joel before he spat out, “Just because her daddy is gone, doesn’t mean she gets off free. We’ve been after her for the past year, nearly gave up too, but I caught her trail. Reckon Paul or Cooper will too soon enough, and she’ll be back where she belongs. She might’ve made it out of the pit, but that don’t mean the debt is paid. Might take a few months like it did me, but they’ll find her.” 

Grabbing his face, Joel peered into the man’s eyes, searching for any hint of deceit before he slammed his skull into the boards again. The man groaned and cussed, the back of his head now dented and bleeding. 

“Who the fuck are Paul and Cooper? What debt?,” Joel seethed. 

The man choked on his own blood as he cackled, coughing and sputtering below Joel. 

“You have no idea the shit you have just stepped in man. She doesn’t belong to you, Josiah had already chosen for her. Her little vacation to the pit was a punishment, not a get out jail free card. Paul will still be after what’s his.”

Suddenly exasperated, Joel wrapped his hands around his neck. The man’s eyes widened once more, the light slowly receding from them after Joel felt the snap of his neck beneath his fingers. He stood over the corpse, feeling nothing but rage. Blood pounding in his ears, he wanted to tear into someone, wanted to burn whoever thought to harm you into the ground, he wanted to rip their throat out with his own teeth, he wanted - 

Hearing a sniffle from behind him, Joel spun on his heels and found a shaking figure. 

“Babygirl,” Joel sighed, his legs carrying him to you in an instant. 

Despite his attempts for the past few weeks to distance himself from you, Joel didn’t even think twice before he picked you up. Wrapping your legs around his waist and practically strangling him, you clung to him like a koala bear as the two of you left the corpse behind. Tears soaked his collar and he tried not to gag at the acrid smell of another alpha covering you. Your nose was pressed into his neck, huffing at his skin as he moved into the living room. 

“S’okay darling, I’m here. It’s over, I gotcha. He ain’t gonna do nothing to ya, nobody is. I swear,” Joel whispered in your ear, his words easing the tremors that racked your frame. 

A sob tore out of your chest and it made Joel wish he had the power of resurrection, just so he could kill that man all over again. He refocused, knowing that he couldn’t let himself get angry with you in this state. Continuing to whisper sweet words into your ear, Joel grasped the back on your neck, pulling you back slightly as you blubbered from the loss. He hushed you, weighing his options for a moment before shoving his own face into your neck. Working gently, Joel rubbed his face into your neck and covered the sour stench with his own as he kissed and nipped at the delicate skin. You cried out, and he almost stopped before the tension slowly left your shoulders. 

The real cries came, and your fingers locked into his hair and pushed Joel’s face into your neck harder as he scented you. He hummed as you sobbed nonsensical things, continuing to rub your back and hold the back of your neck. 

“I-I-I didn’t, he was gonna, and I didn’t want t-t-o,” you wailed and his heart practically shattered. 

Joel whined at the admission and he pulled back once more, taking the hand off of your neck and using it to wipe the tears and snot from your face. 

“I know sweetheart, I know. But he didn’t, okay? He didn’t, and he’s never gonna. I gotchu, okay? You’re gonna be okay,” he murmured quietly, almost like he was promising himself. 

“D-did you k-kill him?,” you stammered. 

An uneasiness settled over him as he replied, “Well now, I don’t want you to be thinking ‘bout all that. I did what I had t-”

“I’m not mad Joel, I’m grateful. He could’ve… Well, I guess it's like you said, he didn’t, but he could’ve and I don’t know what…,” you sniffed, the sobs easing up but tears still dripping down your face as you whispered, “Thank you Joel.”

Joel shook his head sharply, “Ain’t nothing to thank me for. I’d never let someone hurt you like that, I’d never let anyone hurt you at all. You’re mine. Hell, I’d kill him again if I could. He had no right to even think -” 

He had to stop before his blood began to boil once more, an urge to bare his teeth and growl sliding up from the more primal part of him as Joel briefly considered what would have happened if he hadn't made it. He looked away for a moment, trying to compose himself as he stared at the wall. No, he thought to himself, not now. She needs you. 

Soft hands came up and grabbed his cheeks, squishing them as his head was turned forward once more. The last tears rolled down your face, slight tremors jostling you. The panic in your eyes was slowly fading as both of you breathed in each other's presence. You were okay, you were both okay, Joel tried to tell his racing mind. 

“Breathe Joel,” you instructed, your soft gaze hypnotizing him as you held him in your grasp. 

At that moment Joel realized that the tremors that jostled your frame were coming from him. His body was buzzing, the feeling of a looming threat still slamming his heart against the walls of his chest. It felt like he was having a heart attack, which made him panic more because he needed to protect you. He tried to breathe but he didn’t know how to make his lungs work properly, dizziness began clouding his panic attack.  

“Breathe,” you said more forcefully, commanding him to take easy breaths as you rubbed one of your hands over his chest. 

Joel closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on matching his breaths to yours as he tried not to wheeze. The hand on his chest eased some of the tightness that wrapped around him and constricted his heart. The other hand was dug into his graying curls, scratching at his scalp and pushing his face back into your neck. A rumbling noise came up from his chest as the last vestiges of danger ebbed away in his mind, still lurking in the shadows but no longer beating at the inside of his being. Sweet nothings whispered in his ear, Joel groaned softly and rubbed his nose against your gland. Mindlessly sucking on the mouth watering skin, Joel tried to remember the last time anyone had cared for him like this. 

He wondered if it was Tess for a moment, before having to stop himself from laughing. Joel had loved Tess as his best friend, but she was anything but sweet. They had indulged each other mainly out of convenience. Once they were done fucking or trying to beat off the loneliness by simply sharing a bed, it was back to business. Joel didn’t feel the same way the one time the subject of more was broached and besides, Tess loved pussy too much to be stuck with someone with a dick. 

“Better?,” you asked him softly and he hummed in reply, snuffling at your neck for a moment before pulling back. 

Joel grabbed your face, pulling your foreheads together and closing his eyes again. He could feel your breath tickling his mustache as he kept his head against yours, reminding him that you were alive. Moving back, Joel kissed you gently on the tip of your nose and wiped your face off again. Satisfied, he moved to lift you off of him. You cried out, scrambling to wrap yourself around him as he sunk back down on the couch. 

“I… Baby, I can’t just leave him in there. Let me go in and I’ll clean it up for y-,” a whine cut Joel off and he sat back, unsure of what to do and unwilling to make you cry again. 

“Please alpha,” you whined, “Please stay with me.”

With the urgency of the request Joel didn’t even have to think, allowing himself to gather you in his arms once more before he said, “Course baby, I’m right here. Never gonna leave you. How could I? S’alright, just rest.” 

As he sat on the couch with you straddling him, your nose pressed into his collar and arms wrapped around his neck, Joel tried not to think of the bloody corpse in the next room. He tried to push the questions he had for you out of his brain as your body got heavier and heavier with each passing moment. He tried not to think about the fact that your body was feverish, scent heightened as a heat slowly made its way out of your core and beckoned him with more intensity with each passing moment. 

Instead Joel let his face push into your hair. He soaked his senses in your aroma, letting it coat the back of his throat as he nuzzled you again. Joel closed his eyes once more, allowing his heart rate to slow with your body safe in his embrace, and let his exhaustion take over. 

[gaiamossiah]

Finally watched the new eps of season 7 because I saw a clip of Isamu already as well as the matoba right eye scene. And ever since reading the chapter about it, I've been wondering (probably a lot of fans, too), whether:

1. The Matoba ancestor with the "sight" already, met the yokai and it helped them solve something and the reward would be the Matoba right eye. Or;

2. The right eye belonged to the yokai to begin with. I dont want to slander their clan but it just crossed my mind. What if the ancestor does not initially have the "sight" but they require it to solve something? So this yokai helped them by letting them "borrow" their eye and once the ordeal is done and solved, they should return it. But they didn't. And with the yokai having their sense of time as it is, didn't come for it until much later. Then the Matoba clan already flourished in the exorcist business and returning the eye would endanger them losing their "sight" altogether. And losing the sight will make them lose their source of income i guess. (Idk if they have other businesses out there aside from exorcism stuff but yeah)

It was just kinda strange how there's already a spot for the eye... Like someone just yoinked it out. Unlike the bug yokai with Natsume's relative, the one asking for a mouth? It does not have a mouth yet but hunts people who can "see" to give him one.

But hey it could also be someone else (not a matoba) yoinked the eye out first. Then it met the Matoba ancestor and made a promise they could not or have no plans of fulfilling. Idk for how long the Matoba clan has been having this eye issue but it would be crazy if Reiko is the one who yoinked the eye before it met the Matoba guy (just considering this theory, ok?). Or maybe someone from the Natsume clan way waaaaay back ( I just assume the Natsumes were a big clan before or idk some legendary ssr grade family that has strong sight power once every few gens).

Idk if there's other media of natsuyuu (like light novels, special chapters only available to certain people, etc.) out there other than the manga so I have no idea if the truth about this matter has been revealed already and I've only read the manga until chapter 119. So be kind if i said anything wrong and pls correct me kindly :)))) i would love to know actually what happened hahaha im one of the rare ones that love spoilers haha

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Victor’s Nostalgic Memories Date (Eng Translation)

“You’re my first.”

“You’re my first, too.”

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 旧忆之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

─  

【Subbed Video】    

[Heads-up]: Read the transcript for reading, but  PLEASE DO WATCH THE VIDEO!! THE BGMS, THE VOICE ACTING, EVERYTHING!! (also, yes, I’ve made my real-time reactions 🤪)

───────

【Transcript Version】

【Chapter 1】

Not long ago, Victor received a commemorative book.

The sender is his alma mater, Loveland Central Elementary School, which is about to celebrate its 100th anniversary.

The book is filled with old photos of his school. With unending excitement, I relentlessly search for that familiar figure among them.

Little Victor holding up his award certificates with a composed demeanor, hoisting the national flag with aplomb, or standing on the winner’s podium during the sports meet… all these are images of him I haven’t seen before.

MC: Model student, flag-raiser, long-distance running gold medalist… how many more surprises does this man have in store that I still don’t know about?

?? (Victor): What are you muttering to yourself this time?

I look up and find that Victor has entered the bedroom without me noticing.

MC: I can’t help but feel sentimental~ After all, you were that “kid from someone else’s family” when we were little.

–

[Tidbits]: The term MC uses here is “别人家的小孩,” I guess you’ll understand this better if you are an Asian/ of Asian descendance/ have Asian parents LOL; it’s often used to describe how parents spur their own kids into working harder by often mentioning “the other kid” as a role model who usually excels in many aspects~ :> And MC playfully follows this with– he belongs to her/ they’re a family now. So, she can take pride that “the prized boy” is all hers 🤣💕 (aside from the obvious knife about MC being regretful of missing out on each other’s lives, which comes later~ 🥲)

–

Victor: Someone else’s family?

Watching his cool and collected expression as he arches an eyebrow, I cheekily walk up to him.

MC: Hehe, but now you’re mine~

As I notice him smiling slightly, I can’t help but be insatiable and pull him along to join me in flipping through the photo album.

We have just flipped through a few photos of the “Campus Singing Competition” when the person beside me seems to have seen something, causing his pupils to quiver ever so slightly.

Following his gaze, I catch a glimpse of a young kid with dramatic stage makeup, sporting a red dot on the space between his brows.

Before I can take a closer look, the commemorative book in front of me is abruptly snapped shut.

MC: Wait!

Hastily, I clutch his hand down and carefully inspect the photo. There is actually a small caption below it that reads–– “Little Victor, photographed by Dad”

Astounded, I snatch the book and examine it closely–– the child’s solemn expression, with furrowed brows, is unmistakably identical to that of a certain someone I know so well.

I stare at Victor in utter disbelief, while he seems to have already resigned himself and closed his eyes.

MC: Hahahaha–– you’re so cute, hahaha!

Victor: …stop laughing, give me back the book.

MC: Alright, but you have to agree to one condition of mine.

Victor: ...you sure know how to make demands.

MC: Don’t want to agree? Well, then I might just turn you into an emoji pack, huh?

Victor takes a deep breath as if he has reached the limit of his patience. He then takes out his phone, quickly taps on the screen, and holds it to his ear.

Victor: I had planned to bring a certain someone along to visit the school when I’d sign the contract to donate to the school building.

Victor: But since the photos seem enough to satisfy you, I think I’m gonna talk to the school about reducing your title to a colleague.

Hearing his words, I immediately grab his arm, displaying a sincere expression.

MC: Why didn’t you tell me about the building donation before? I’m not laughing anymore, I promise!

He arches an eyebrow and moves his phone a few inches away, as if waiting for me to offer a bigger bargaining chip.

I narrow my eyes and steel myself.

MC: I’ll give you three of my embarrassing childhood photos!

Victor: Deal.

Hearing a muffled chuckle in my ears, I suddenly realize what’s going on. I seize his phone and, sure enough, find that the screen is still locked.

MC: …you’re so childish, Victor!

Despite my reproach, he remains composed and raps my head.

Victor: He who touches ink becomes black, you know?

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】

Victor: …wish strips?

An old metal box is gently placed on the table, inside of which is stacked with many pieces of weathered papers, tinged with a yellow hue.

After the completion of the donation contract signing, only three people remain in the empty conference room— the two of us and the principal.

Principal: When I learned that you were coming back, I inquired with your homeroom teacher about anything that might have been left behind from back then, and she really found it.

Even as I try hard to focus my attention on their conversation, an inevitably innate urge drives me to reach out and flip through the wish strips with my fingers, looking for a certain one.

Soon, a weathered piece of paper catches my eyes, with meticulously and neatly penned six letters that form the name “Victor.”

However, before I can reach my hand for it, a large hand with slender fingers lands on top of the paper––

Forced by the seriousness of the atmosphere we are in now, I can do nothing but watch helplessly as Victor nonchalantly slips the note into his pocket.

Victor: If there’s anything else you need help with in the future, please feel free to contact me again.

Principal: Thank you, Little Vic. Despite your remarkable achievements in the outside world, you still haven’t forgotten your alma mater.

–

[Tidbits]: I’m freaking crying, haha–– look at his Principal still calling this grown-ass man “小李 (Xiao Li)” aksdknld– the sheer adoration you can’t let go of despite the admiration a person has achieved from you– 🥺 

–

Victor: You’re too kind. On a different note, I wish to take my girlfriend on a tour of the school later. I wonder if it would be convenient?

Principal: Absolutely! You two are welcome to wander around and have a good time.

–

It’s summer vacation, and the campus is absolutely empty.

The continuous symphony of cicadas seems to transport me through countless summers, carrying me to the past that belongs to him.

Hand in hand, we walk beneath the shade of the sycamore tree, retracing the journey captured in old photos, from the faintly plastic-scented crimson athletic track to the library, and eventually arriving at his former classroom.

–

MC: Where would you sit back then?

Seeing him pointing to a seat in the back row, I press against the window frame and peer inside, yearning to glimpse that small figure across the boundaries of time and space.

MC: Do you have any special memory from your elementary school days?

Victor: What do you mean by special?

MC: Copying homework? Not paying attention in class? Or maybe… puppy love?

It seems like he’s heard something that displeased him; a slight frown creeps onto his face, and he gives me a subtle, scrutinizing look.

Victor: [strikes immediately LMFAO]  Your elementary school life was this eventful and colorful? It seems like I underestimated you a little.

MC: Of course not; I didn’t do anything of the sort! I’m just simply curious about your school life~

Victor: It was like any regular elementary school student’s life–– attending classes, doing homework after school, and occasionally playing soccer. Nothing out of the ordinary–– 

Suddenly, the sound of a series of brisk footsteps interrupts his words. Before long, two kids carrying backpacks appear at the far end of our sight.

Little Boy: Did you check? If you forget to bring your homework again, I won’t come with you next time.

Little Girl: I’ve really brought it this time! Where should we go to do our homework today?

Little Boy: The library.

Little Girl: But we need to stay quiet in the library, and I won’t be able to talk with you there.

Little Boy: …let’s go to the burger joint then.

Watching their departing figures from behind, I tug at the corner of Victor’s clothes.

MC: Have you ever done homework together with other kids?

Victor: Might have done some group assignments at some point.

MC: With you sitting next to them, their study efficiency must have gotten a massive boost. I’m really envious of those classmates who had the chance to do homework with you…

Hearing me say this, Victor’s face takes on a curious and contemplative expression.

Victor: Don’t be envious. I’ve got an idea.

MC: What do you have in mind?

Victor: It just so happens that I have to work tonight. You can bring in your unfinished proposal, and we can “do homework” together.

MC: …I’ll pass. Even a dummy can tell the difference between a friendly invitation and being supervised by a capitalist.

As we are talking, I see the kids from earlier run out of the convenience store in front of the school gate.

With delight on their faces, they share a pack of crisp instant noodles. The savory and crispy aroma from afar feels as if it reaches the tip of my teeth as well.

Just like me, Victor turns his head toward the source of the noise. Upon seeing his reaction, I immediately reach out and take his hand.

MC: Wanna go to the convenience store? It’s my treat!

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】

The store is not big, but it boasts a diverse selection of snacks arranged on the shelves.

However, my eyes are drawn to a seemingly ordinary pack of candy tucked away in the corner. Memories of my elementary school days rush back, when this candy was all the rage for playing pranks, and I also couldn’t resist tasting it once myself––

Even at this very moment, the fast secretion of saliva in my mouth is a vivid reminder of its “special” flavor.

Filled with curiosity, I pick up the candy and shake it at Victor.

MC: This candy used to be so popular back in the day. Have you ever tried it?

Victor: Nope, I haven’t.

MC: Your childhood is missing just a little something, then.

Victor: If being a glutton is your yardstick, you probably had the most complete childhood in the whole world.

Listening to his playful banter, I silently make up my mind to tease him a little. I grab the candy and settle the bill.

Just imagining the look on his face when he tastes the sourness makes me involuntarily curl my lips into a smile. However, realizing that his gaze is fixed on my face, I hasten to temper my smile.

MC: Victor, may I fill in the missing pieces of your childhood?

Victor: No need.

Ignoring his attempt to decline with a shake of his head, I affectionately bring a candy close to his lips.

MC: Come on, give me some face! I never asked any boy students out for snacks back when I was in school. You’re my first.

Upon hearing my words, his motions pause momentarily, and he stares at me fixedly with downcast eyes.

Just when I think he’s going to reject me again, he softly lets his lips part, lowers his head, and eats the candy from my hand.

I instantly widen my eyes, not wanting to miss any nuance of his expression. But all I see him is chewing the candy nonchalantly without any changes in his demeanor.

This isn’t right… could they have changed the recipe? Puzzled, I pop a candy into my mouth, but as soon as it touches my tongue, I grimace from the sourness.

MC: Sss! So sour!

Victor seems to can’t hold back and bursts into laughter.

Victor: Mmm, it’s indeed sour.

MC: You did that on purpose!

As my indignant glare meets his eyes, he arches an eyebrow in response.

Victor: You sure have a talent for turning the tables. But speaking of doing it on purpose—

Victor: Back when I was in school, I never teased or played with any girl students, either. You’re my first, too.

The candy in my mouth still gives rise to an unending stream of sourness, yet I can distinctly taste a sweet flavor.

Victor: So happy that you’re in a silly daze?

Upon hearing his teasing, I  realize I’ve been rooted to the spot and giggling like a silly person this whole time. I quickly pretend to be composed and divert the topic.

MC: I was thinking that we visited all the locations where each of the old photos was taken, except for one that slipped through the cracks!

MC: Where was that adorable picture of you with the red dot between your brows taken?

Victor: Why do you always apply your surplus obsession in places where it’s not necessary?

MC: Humph, it took me so much effort to get you to bring me here. Even if I have to dig the school three feet deep today, I’ll definitely find it!

Seeing me steadfastly staring at him, he lets out a sigh and helplessly takes my hand.

Victor: My alma mater had to spend so much effort to reach the lifespan of a hundred years. I’m not letting it be dug up by you.

—

We’re obviously supposed to be searching for the location of the photo. However, Victor brings me back to his old family home, which is currently empty.

Before I can even ask anything, my gaze is captivated by a rather extravagant box of jewelry on the foyer table.

As I let out a small gasp of surprise, Victor also glances over, and his expression turns somewhat speechless.

Victor: Aunt Grace purchased these during her trip abroad. She said you might get tired of seeing me in formal attire, so I should occasionally change things up…

MC: Pfftt! Why didn’t she just send them to you directly?

Victor: Because I declined. She probably planned to take a roundabout approach and ask my dad for help.

MC: Well, that works out perfectly. There’s no need to bother Uncle.

I “obligingly” pat my chest as an expression of “taking responsibility” and put the ornaments in my bag.

MC: But you didn’t especially bring me here just to pick this up, right?

Victor shoots me a wordless glance and then points toward the flower house ahead.

–

Victor: Not just the head is slow, the eyes are slow too.

MC: Hey, you meanie…

After a few seconds, I’m suddenly taken aback, my eyes widening. I pull out the photo from the commemorative book and compare it to the flower house before my eyes. To my surprise, it turns out to be exactly the same.

MC: This photo was actually taken at home?

Victor: After I came back from the performance, the teacher notified us that we needed to take a photo.

MC: But I thought you would remove your makeup right after the performance!

Victor: You’re right. I did wipe it off as soon as I got off the stage. But my dad deliberately used a red seal ink paste to reapply that dot.

Seeing the awkward look on his face, I can’t resist the urge to tease him and fish out the lipstick from my bag.

MC: How is it fair if you just make do with a red seal ink paste? Since the other kids have it on, you should too.

Victor: …I should not have told you.

He firmly grasps my unruly hand, but I use my left hand to snatch the lipstick and persistently keep inching closer to him. At this point, I’m practically draped onto his body.

Just as the lipstick is about to touch his forehead, he suddenly looks behind me.

Victor: Dad, you’re back.

I jump off him in a panic, and with my eyes closed, I immediately bow towards the entrance.

MC: Hello, Uncle!

After waiting for quite a considerable amount of time without any response, I’m beginning to feel slightly puzzled when I hear a soft chuckle from above me.

Victor: Turns out that there are still ways to restrain a certain someone’s out-of-control unruliness.

I raise my head and see that there is no one at the entrance.

Seeing the smirk of triumph in his eyes, I let out a “humph” and decide to turn the tables against him. At this moment, I coincidentally spot the wish strip peeking out from his pocket because of our earlier playful fooling around.

But he’s guessed my intentions, and almost simultaneously, he presses his fingertips on the slip of paper along with me. This results in a brief standoff as neither of us releases our hold.

The silent confrontation lasts for a few seconds until I pout, and that’s when I hear him let out a resigned sigh of compromise. I finally have my wish fulfilled and get my hands on his wish strip.

The paper has already yellowed and become brittle, but the carefully and neatly written words haven’t faded even a bit during the overlong passage of time––

“I want to grow up fast so that I can find her.”

Caught off guard by intruding into the “secret” of his past, I somehow feel a mixture of indescribable emotions flooding my heart.

How come he never mentioned to me that he had such a wish before? I can’t help but lift my eyes to look into his.

And he stares at me for a long, long time, as if he too wants to glean something from my expression. His lips twitch, but he doesn’t utter a single word even after a long time passes by.

Seeing him hesitate like this, I decide to be the one to break the silence first.

MC: Haha, I didn’t expect your wish to be so sincere and honest.

MC: But don’t worry, who didn’t have some little secrets in their childhood? I’ll just pretend I didn’t see it!

Victor: Little secret?

He doesn’t seem to have expected me to say this, causing him to evidently be stunned for a moment. But soon, a glint of playfulness sparks in his eyes.

Victor: Well, that’s a shame. I was originally going to share it with you, but since a certain dummy isn’t curious––

Victor: I guess I’ll just have to leave it be.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】

He has really done what he said, not uttering a single word of explanation.

He even seems to be in high spirits as he grabs a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet, as if he does not feel my indignant glare fixed on him at all.

Victor: Let’s celebrate together.

MC: Celebrate what?

Victor: I’m really lucky; my wish has come true.

With a hint of tenderness crested between his eyebrows and in his eyes, he uncorks the wine bottle. “Pop”–– the celebration begins, but I feel as if it’s my heart that has begun to deflate.

I push down the bitter feelings in my heart and take a sip of my drink.

MC: Congratulations to you, then.

Victor: Why does this “congratulations” sound a bit like you’re saying it against your will?

Being relentlessly pressed by his step-by-step advances while he is greatly amused, I suddenly feel a mix of embarrassment and anger soaring into my chest.

MC: How should I congratulate you then? Do you want me to take a photo of you for comparison to prove that you’ve grown up properly, just as you wished?

Victor: Sure, how do you plan to take the photo for me?

Originally, it was just an impulsive remark I made out of anger. But his reply suddenly causes me to choke, rendering me momentarily speechless. I can’t help but feel a little itch in my teeth.

However, upon glancing at the extravagant jewelry box in my bag, I narrow my eyes.

The next second, I push him onto the couch and start “hanging” all the jewelry on him without even asking him.

Victor: …are you decorating a Christmas tree?

MC: Since we are taking new photos in the once familiar place, you naturally have to dress up enough like an adult to give them the true value of commemoration.

However, I gradually realize that the ornaments on him don’t look over the top at all; instead, they make him look even more exquisite.

Seeing this, I wickedly pull open a section of his collar, exposing a large expanse of sculpted muscles that charges into my eyes. I can’t help but gulp at the sight.

Victor: Is this how a certain dummy defines an adult?

MC: Why? Can’t I do this?

Hearing his soft chuckle, I huff in anger as I mutter under my breath.

The next second, my wrist is clasped in place, and I find myself falling into his arms. That familiar scent of his hems me tightly.

Victor: Of course you can. But I think there’s still a bit of room for enhancement.

His warm breath grazes my ear now and then, making my heartbeat accelerate involuntarily.

Realizing that my chance to counterattack is slipping through the cracks, I inwardly compose myself and tilt my head slightly, forcefully suppressing my racing heartbeat.

Aiming my gaze at the lipstick on the table, I immediately come up with a plan.

MC: You’re absolutely right; there’s still room for enhancement. It was my bad. I still need to mark you like an adult––

I grab the lipstick and apply several thick coats on my lips, then seal it with a big kiss on his cheek.

The corners of his lips twitch slightly, seemingly evident that he didn’t anticipate my move at all. After a brief moment, he just casually leans back against the couch.

Victor: Have you finished all your preparations for taking the photo?

Looking at his face painted with the mark of my kiss, I nod in satisfaction.

He raises an eyebrow at my reaction, then pulls me closer to him once again.

Victor: Now it’s my turn.

Victor: Photos that hold the true value of commemoration should be taken alongside the witness testimony who made my wish come true.

MC: Witness testimony? Me?

Victor: Is there a third person here?

Victor rubs his temples helplessly, but the smile hanging at the edge of his lips seems to validate the daring conjecture harbored in the depths of my heart.

MC: The “her” you wrote about in your wish strip… it’s me?

Victor: You dummy, who else could it possibly be except you?

Without a moment’s hesitation, he admits it candidly.

In this instant, my heart feels as if it has been drenched.

The mottled wish strip in front of me is akin to the tip of an iceberg I have somehow peered into. It reminds me that in places I’ve never seen, millions of emotions lie buried that I still don’t know about and have yet to fathom.

And those deep eyes of his, which have been fixed on me all along, are so honest and sincere without the slightest concealment, make me surer than ever that––

The impact of our childhood encounter, the bond that forged our destinies together, perhaps runs much deeper than I had ever imagined it to be possible.

It turns out that I have already had my place in his past long ago.

By the time I speak again, my tone has already become joyful.

MC: Ah–– it turns out I had already become your heart’s desire so, so early on. I must have had quite the charm back when I was little, huh~

Victor: …I really underestimated how thick-skinned you can be.

He laughs involuntarily and watches me quietly for a while. The light in his gaze becomes even deeper and more earnest.

Victor: But MC, when I say “I’m lucky,” it’s not because I found the little girl from my past.

Victor: It’s because of the fortunate circumstance–– that little girl turned out to be you.

I instinctively find myself rooted to the spot, feeling a tingling itch sprouting in my heart, as if a wobbly little flower has blossomed within me.

It’s not until he takes hold of my hand that I finally snap out of it. Accompanied by the silky smooth touch of his fingertips, an English word takes form on the glass wall of the flower room –– Morii.

MC: What does it mean?

He lowers his gaze to look at me, his eyes seemingly concealing a subtle smile.

Victor: Originally, for me, those past days were nothing but ordinary moments, days that I would never want to look back on.

Victor: But the moment you stepped inside and looked around, those old times suddenly came to life again.

Victor: Perhaps it’s the gift of a certain dummy; you’ve always made me want to keep holding onto these moments that exist because of you.

His gentle voice is reminiscent of a feather landing in my heart, creating concentric ripples of waves.

I find myself unable to contain my giggle and lean in closer to him.

MC: Then let’s keep holding onto it.

He is slightly stumped for a moment but soon understands the meaning of my words and turns on the camera, aiming it at us. From beginning to end, those eyes of his gazing at me have held a perpetual interplay of tender and fervent glimmers.

Lifting myself up on my toes, I approach the figure that is also drawing closer to me.

Two throbbing hearts appear to have traversed the confines of endless dusty time, seeking solace in each other’s arms time and time again.

Right at this moment, the flash of the camera lights up.

────────

[Tidbits]: Didn’t wanna break the immersion, so kept it for the last here. The word Victor led MC to write together, i.e., “Morii” means the “desire to capture a fleeting moment that cannot be retained.” It’s basically the ephemeral nature of life, the reminder of everything inevitable. It’s like a time in which you expect the least, a time in which that moment spontaneously confronts you, but there is nothing you can do to preserve it— and the desire to do all you can to keep that moment to yourself is “Morii.” And if you know Victor and Victor x MC’s story, I’m sure you understand why it’s so important that they wrote it together, or rather MC instinctively followed his strokes without asking why— (இ﹏இ`｡)❤️

—

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

[Anika’s Long Analysis & Ramblings]

───

[seeminglydark]

1. since john tries to stay away from tech as much as possible, i think it would be funny to see what would happen if he got his hands on like a secondhand e-reader or laptop and what it would look like if he tried to use it. it would also be cool to see if or what kind of stickers he would use to decorate it.

2. i know it’s kind of a difficult topic. but since i’ve been reading your comic, I think the “Creaky” storyline is one of my favorites. Being able to escape a difficult upbringing and being able to find solace and comfort in found family. I’ve imagined that with the help of his newfound friends, John would go back to his father’s house and take back some of his most prized possessions because I think John would be the type of person that would value things and attach those objects to memories of people. I think it would be fun to see how John adapted to a new environment and being able to live freely (full-time) and thrift for clothes and other things. I think it would be interesting to see his thoughts of when he entered his first apartment and see how he decorated it and see how it has evolved into the glimpses that we’ve seen.

hahaha while i understand what you're asking here, he would of course one hundred percent fumble it, the last thing he had was a flip phone from the early 2000's when he was in highschool, so of course he wouldnt be good with laptops or anything. as far as an e-reader goes, john is severely dyslexic (undiagnosed, so untreated) and reading is already a huge struggle, which is why he uses the walkman and listens to audio books. the truth is, were he to get his hands on these things, he simply wouldnt use them. but its fun to imagine him like my 80 year old dad doing the ol' point and shoot typing style with two fingers! Caro and Maddie show him things on their phone and on the internet all the time anyway, so hes not missing the good memes ha! Creaky is also my fave storyline, I'm so glad you're enjoying it! To answer your first question, no, he wouldn't actually go to his dads at any point, and even if he did, none of his stuff would still exist sadly. on a brighter note, he DOES get to retrieve some of his old things, either after hooking back up with Caro (who has his battle jacket, fuck belt and a few other things) and because his Highschool pals Georgie and Dee would totally have a ton of his stuff in the back of Dee's van, so he'd get his walkman, some clothes, his cross earrings that belonged to his mom, and a few other precious things, and you are right, he does connect objects to people. His biggest problem is not remembering much about what some of those connections were. Another factor here is the fact that there is a protection order between he and his ad put in place by Maddie's stepdad Dr Parker, John's dad isnt allowed within a certain amount of distance to John so, going to his house wouldnt be allowed. Even with his friends (in Seemingly Dark, the Fenris chapter) facing down with his father is almost impossible because of his fear and trauma. There will be more about that in the future! on the second note, im actually in process of turning Creaky into a stand-alone book! Which is why I haven't drawn anything here in reply to Johns reactions to new places, new friends and new environments, its all things I want to explore more in depth in the new version of my fave story line. <3 Heres links to some of the progress on the New Creaky! and here!

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 2

♡ Summary: Carmy & Syd go horseback riding!!! Carmy's therapy friends push him to go for what he wants, his 'light at the end of the tunnel'

♡ W/C: 6,534

♡ Posted Date: 04/07/2024

♡ A/N: Hayoooo!!! I am too inspired... this has become a multi-chap fic hahaha I am havin' so much fun here!! Thank you @gingergofastboatsmojito for inspiring me to keep going!!! ILY! As per usual please know - this fic was inspired by THIS FIC here - Tucson by the GLORIOUS GINGER!!!! Go read that before you even THINK about reading this fic ok?! I love how I hate storer for the same reasons but im a sucker for writing a slowburn - I find myself screaming at MYSELF internally "make them kiss already!!!!" but they will KISSSS SHORTLY SO SHORTLY MY DEARSSSS !!! It will be a JUICY TAYLOR SWIFT DAYLIGHT ASS KISS OK!!!! THEY WILL ONLY SEE EACHOTHER FROM THEN ON!!!! Its gonna be a 'and I can still see it all in my mind all of you all of me intertwined I USED TO THINK LOVE WOULD BE BLACK AND WHITE BUT ITS GOLDENNNNNNN. We need Carmy to realize a few more things but then - he will be hozier level devoted to this woman even more then he already is, I hope you enjoy!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Not really any? Like? LOL - Swearing?! Smoking cigarettes?! They just went horseback riding & carmy went to therapy- oh Ig talks of carmy getting hard LMAO but thats as crazy as we get this chapter. ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

Stardust nudges his shoulder so hard he almost falls over, and he turns to look at her. His heart jumped into his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. She was there, she was really there. 

“Uh-” he blinked a few times, to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear. “Syd? Hey..uh-” he felt his entire body buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his features. She looked… gorgeous. Carmen wasn’t sure there actually was a word in any human language ever to exist that could describe just how wonderful she looked. 

Her hair was in its natural state, she was wearing an adorable corduroy jacket, black jeans, and white sneakers. “You came to a farm…in those?” he motions to her shoes. 

She laughs a bit “Wow- it’s great to see you too, Carm. Didn’t realize you were…actually like living on a farm” she approached him carefully. 

“Shit- yes- fuck- It’s its so good to see you, Syd, C’mere” he pulls her into a tight, long hug. The smell of her lavender vanilla perfume nearly made him melt. 

“You’re like…tan- and…muscley now” She laughs a bit, squeezing his arm lightly. 

“Uh..” he pulled away, cheeks bright red. “Yeah uh.. It's like- fuckin hard t’ride a horse. And the um…” he rubbed his neck nervously “The uh cows.. They eat hay? Most the time, and so we need to move the bales during the morning for em, they’re like…. 75? 80 pounds? So moving like 10 back and forth every day helps. And I dont really.. Go inside? Here? Its like… uh.. Thats the therapy mostly, the animals- at least f’me” he said sheepishly. 

She nodded, looking around the stable. “That one behind you is yours? Shes been side-eying me creepily since I started talking” she pointed to Stardust. 

“Oh! Fuck sorry yea, well- no…not- not mine- I got ‘er t’trust me. But uh, yeah this is Stardust. She’s a super sweet girl” He explained. Stardust leaned in, sniffing Syds hair carefully. 

“Cute- All you’re missing is a hat” She teased.

He chuckled a bit,  “Ok, c’mon - why are you here, Syd” He said with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged, looking at the ground and kicking a rock out of the way with her shoe. “Cause…I was worried- I dunno…” She definitely wasn't going to get bold and tell him that she’d missed him, terribly.

“Ok…well now that y’here, and y’see i’m okay…wanna have some fun?” He asked, a small smile on his lips.

Syd looked back up at him, as if he had 3 heads. “Okay- Where is Carmen Berzatto- Not his… Weird alien clone- Camren Brazota” she said, laughing a bit “what do you mean fun?” She asked, and Carmy laughed, real, and genuine. 

“Well- If I didn’t change my view a little I’d never leave. So, yes, Syd, ‘a little fun never hurt noone’ - per my therapist. Shes fuckin annoying. I much prefer the horses.” He pet Star’s mane and she leaned into his touch.

“Holy shit” Syd laughed a bit. “Wow- alright. I feel like you’re a whole new man already, what kind of fun?” she mused. 

“Ever ridden a horse?” he walked over to the saddle rack, pulling off a double seated one and hanging it over the back of the stall door. 

“No- Actually, Don’t I need um…like - stuff for it?” she asked. 

“Oh don’t think I wont give you the full experience” he opened the riding closet, “Whats your shoe size?” he asked, crouching down and looking through the pairs of extras. 

“8? Er- 9 probably 9” she said. He dug through them until he found a matching pair.

“These should do, y’stuff is cool here we can just leave it in her stall” he told her, holding out his arm for her to hold while she switched her shoes.

“You seem like…” she said as she slipped off her sneaker and put on the boot. “I dunno…chill- well- i wont go that far- but chill-er then before.” Carm snorted a laugh, holding on to her arm to steady her. 

“Thanks? I guess..that’s good right?” He asked. 

“Yeah! Yeah of course…I mean, it’s nice. To see you not so…anxious.” She said, slipping the other boot on. 

“Yeah I um…” he cleared his throat, opening the stall door. “I uh..I’m takin meds- Now? Uh..all this shit. Y’know they have me like tranquilized more then these guys” he said and she laughs, Carmen smiled proudly at the fact, relishing in the wonderful sound. 

“But yeah like Like 3 er..er 4. they say I had all this uh..mental shit. Goin’ on w’me and that’s why I was all…wound up I guess” he explained, calling Star out and getting her harness situated. 

Syd caught herself staring at his arms as he worked, how the toned muscle moved beneath the fabric of the shirt. 

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, noticing he wasn’t wearing a jacket like she was. 

“Used to it now, well- I mean the moving around. It gets hot this shit is heavy. Wanna try to hold the saddle?” He asked, unhooking the saddle from the stall door where he’d left it momentarily. 

“It can’t be that bad” she countered. 

“I think this thing weighs probably as much as you do.” He said “hold out your arms” he smiled a bit. 

She lifted her arms out in front of her and he plops the saddle down, she had to plant one of her feet forward so she didn’t fall face first due to the sudden weight and he laughed, catching the saddle quickly and baring most the weight. 

“Told you” he teased. 

She rolled her eyes “yeah whatever. Saddle up the horse, cowboy” she dropped the saddle back in his arms. He hurled the saddle over Stars back with a grunt. 

“Fuckin hell” he huffed, realizing since the saddle was nearly double the weight as his usual, and being on the shorter end- he couldn’t just get it on her when she was standing straight. “Bow” he told the horse and she just stared at Sydney. 

“Don’t embarrass me, Star. Bow” he told her and she looked the other way. 

“So uhhh…this one’s trained, huh?” Sydney teased. 

Carmen looked back at her “mmhmm maybe she doesn’t like strangers” he said, walking over to the other side. 

“Since she’s bein difficult y’gonna have T’help. C’mere” he waved her over and she followed. “So when I push it up, just grab the saddle pad and make sure it doesn’t move, yea?” He asked. 

“The fuck is a saddle pad, dude- I know my way around a kitchen not a fuckin horse stable.” She looked at the many different layers the horse was already wearing. 

“Alright. So this,” he lifted the cloth, “is her blanket. Keeps her core warm. And beneath it” he pats the pad “this is her saddle pad, it makes it more comfortable. So our bones aren’t like..diggin in her back and shit. Also shock, when she jumps the foam of it helps our weight disperse. The saddle is so big and heavy I can’t keep the pad still at the same time, so just hold it f’me,” he took her hand, guiding it to where he wanted her to hold. 

She felt her heartbeat quicken, his hands were so large and calloused on top of her own. She nodded wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on where she was meant to be holding and focusing on keeping it steady as he went back around and carefully lifted up the heavy saddle with a grunt, laying it over the horses back. 

“Jesus- how much can this thing carry” Syd asked. 

“Well she is a mare, she weighs about…mmm- 1900? She can comfortably hold about 400 pounds for a decent distance but she can’t do that for hours and hours at a time. We together can’t be more then 300, and her gear is less then 100 pounds. Were just goin f’r a quick ride, I gotta get to therapy at 3” he explained as he buckled on her saddle. 

“Ah. So you’ve been memorizing horse information instead of creating recipes? I figured when I got here you’d have gone nuts by now without being in a kitchen so long” she gently touched the horses mane as she spoke. 

“Maybe. Well…I am kinda goin crazy? But I can’t…let it out?” He chuckled a bit “does that make sense? Nights are a little hard before my sleep meds kick in but that just says I haven’t done enough that day” he got up. “So y’gettin up first since I’m sittin in back” he explained. 

“Oh…uh- ok how do I?” She asked looking up at the at least 7 foot tall animal. 

“Y’not gonna be able to do it alone. C’mere” he told her. She comes over and looks at him. 

“How the fuck do you do this?” She looked up at the saddle that was at the top of her head before looking back at him. 

“So-“ he snorts a laugh at her wide confused expression. “She’s not gonna like you trying to roll up on her back, and I don’t want you t’get thrown off, she can be moody with new people. I almost broke my shoulder my first time trying to ride her” he said and she crossed her arms slightly. 

“So how. How do I get up there?” She asked. He pulled out a step stool, setting it next to the horse and getting up on the third step. 

“I’m giving you a lift. Arms up” he said with a playful smirk. 

“No- no way- Carmen that’s too high. You’ll drop me!!” She took a step back, feeling slightly nervous. 

“I won’t because I’ll bribe her Syd. C’mere” he pulled a pack of peep marshmallows out of his pocket and the horse nearly starts dancing. 

“Carm- what the fuck is happening?” She asked and Carmy chuckled. 

“Bow. Cmon Syd wants t’ride. Bow and you’ll get y’treat star.” He told the horse. 

It obediently bowed down and before Syd could process what was happening, Carm was scooping her up beneath her arms Syd squealed in surprise. “Oh my GOD WHY ARE YOU PICKING ME UP!” She shrieked, wiggling in his arms. 

“open y’legs! Cmon! she’s gonna get up!!!” Carmen laughed holding her up higher. Syd finally obeyed and he gently plopped her on the first saddle. “Good girl” he told the horse, feeding her the marshmallow and putting the packet in his pocket again before swiftly getting on behind Syd. 

“Alright. Hard part done.” He reached around her waist, and she lifted her arms slightly. 

“What- can you tell me what’s going on? I’m a horse virgin!” She said, and they both went quiet for a moment, before cracking up laughing. Syd leaned to her left slightly as she tried catching her breath, grabbing the rein for stability and tugging. 

Star took off sprinting, Syd screamed in surprise, her body going tight with fear. Carmen quickly wrapped his arms around Syds waist protectively, tugging on the reigns “WOOOOAH!” He called to Star and she quickly came to a stop. 

“Stand.” He told the horse firmly. 

“What the fuck Carm I thought she was trained!” Syd exclaimed, gripping onto his forearms for dear life. 

“I gotchu, you think I’d let her kick you off?” He tightened his arms around her. Carmen swore his heart was thumping so hard that she felt it on her shoulder blade. 

“Also when she moves it’s hard to keep still.” She said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, I gotchu, Syd. Lean into me, if our weight is centered then it’ll be easier for all 3 of us” he gently pushed at her stomach. 

She leaned back into his broad chest, “see” he said softly. He was lucky the angle didn’t allow for her to see him, because his face was bright red, And having her body pressed against his…was making him flush somewhere else too. 

He clicked his tongue and Stardust started walking again, at an easy comfortable trot. “This…is ok.” She said, much more comfortable now. 

“I’m gonna take you t’one of my favorite spots.” He said, pulling on the reins to the left lightly so she would follow the left trail. 

“Wow, already sharing secret spots huh? I think this therapist may just be Doctor of the year I don’t even think I’ve seen your favorite Chicago spots” she teased. 

Carm laughed a bit, he felt so much lighter with Syd around. And life had been lighter ever since he got here. 

“How is…uh- how is it back home?” He cleared his throat lightly. It was something that had being weighing on him. Yes, he was here, he was doing the thing. He was making Sugar happy. He was making Syd happy…but he would go back, at some point. 

And his biggest fear was things will just go right back. He won’t have this outlet, he won’t have sunset rides with Stardust to ease his mind. He won’t have the cows happily running up to him and greeting him when he was the first one to bring out a bale of hay. He felt like if he was here, he may have the confidence to tell Syd how he feels. But back home? It was another life. 

“Fine..things are..y’know. The usual shit. But nothing bad, no one’s getting locked in any freezers if that’s what you mean” she said playfully. 

Carm rolled his eyes with a light smile. “Mmhmm. So the restaurant is-“ 

“Is fine.” She said. “I’d have told you. You know that.” She said and he nodded a bit. 

“I know she scared you back there…but it’s pretty fun to go fast. You wanna try?” He asked. 

She shifted a bit uncomfortably, her hands tightening around his arms that were holding the reins around her waist. “Uhh…maybe? Are you sure we won’t fall off?” She questioned. 

“I’m sure. Here you can be the one to control it. Start light ok? With your legs.” He gently ran his hands down her thighs to right below her knees “here” he said softly, squeezing the flesh gently so she wouldn’t have to lean and look. “With that part of your legs, give her a little squeeze. But really light, or we’ll take out of here like a bat out of hell” he held around her waist again, securely holding the reins. 

“Mmhmm” she said, she was beginning to feel hot- and not because she’d done any hard work in regards to getting the horse ready. 

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, you’re the boss” he said the last part softly in her ear. If it wasn’t for her jacket, he would see the goosebumps that had risen on her arms. She nodded quickly, staring straight ahead and trying to maintain her composure. 

“So I just?” She squeezed gently and the horse picks up her speed slightly. “Oh…ok” she said. 

“Told y’she was trained” Carmy teased and she rolls her eyes. 

“Mmm you’ve done a very good job, bribing this horse with peeps. The staff know you do this?” She asked. Carmy snorted a laugh

“No. But she’s healthy. Made sure. She only gets one or 2 if she doesn’t listen.” He admitted. 

She shook her head with a smile. “And how’d you find this out, Carm?” She leaned into him once more. 

“I…” he laughed a bit, his chest vibrating with the movement and it made her heart warm. 

“I uh…spent a few days in the library here. Reading up. After she threw me off. It’s all about trust with em. So I never lied to ‘er and I’ve never done something she didn’t expect because I always try to warn her.” He said, pulling her reigns a bit tighter. 

“This is like a joyride Syd cmon, I said fast not an evening stroll.” He teased. 

“Fine. Mister horse master- show me what Miss Stardust can do.” She said. 

With 2 kisses and a quick tap of his heel, they were off like a rocket. He held Syd steady, being sure she wouldn’t have to do most the work of holding herself center as he gripped each reign with the opposite hand, holding them taught so Star knew to keep going. 

Syd laughed, the wind flicking her dark curls all around. He wished she could see her amused expression. “Holy shit this is the best!” She shouted over the loud thuds of Stars hoofbeats. 

“I know right! Can you believe she can go faster?” He said, holding his knees taut around her hips to keep her from sliding. 

“Okay we are not! This is fine!” She said and sat up a bit “are we going into the-” She asks as Star begins to barrel through a creek, the freezing water spraying up and around them getting them slightly wet, the freezing water splashing from their calves up to their cheeks.. “CARMY!” She screams through laughter. 

He could barely catch his breath as he laughed so hard his stomach and ribs ached. “I’m sorry!! Syd! Oh god-“ he chuckled “woah girl- woah” he called to the course and she slowed down once again to a stop. 

“Fuck-“ Carmen chuckled “you okay?” He asked, picking a wet leaf from her jacket and throwing it to the forest floor. 

“Yeah- I’m.. I’m fine. That was really fun actually. C’mon I wanna see the spot” she said and took it upon herself to tug the reins so Star would take off again

“Shi-it!” He quickly finds his balance, “warn me!! Oh god I almost flew off!!” He told her. 

“You think I’d let her throw you off?” She mimics him from earlier and he takes the chance to playfully pinch her waist 

“Yes because who’s in back and who’s in front?” He wrapped his arms around her again, taking the reins from her grasp. “Your reign privileges have been revoked for this riding lesson, Ms.Adamu”  

She laughed a bit “I’ll earn them back. Don’t worry” she mused. 

“Mmm we need to talk about more shit before I just literally hand the reins over. Coulda spooked her and we’d be fuckin dead.” he angled the outside reigns so she’d slow down as they came to the clearing. 

“Here we are” he hopped off, raising his arms to help her down. 

She carefully reached out for him and he lifted her off, gently setting her down. “Holy fuck Carmy” she turned around, watching the waterfall cascade down over the rocks. 

“Right! Told you. It’s a fire spot” he went over to one of the rocks he usually sat at, plopping down and taking out a cigarette. “Oh- shit- can’t have y’running off” he told Stardust and chuckled, leaving the cigarette between his lips as he walked over to her, guiding her over to the tree, and hooking her right rein around a branch before sitting back down. 

“Yeah…I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere so…” she trailed off, looking at all the trees and running water. 

“Green?” Carmy lit his cigarette, taking a drag. “Not packed with smog? Somewhere that doesn’t smell like shit.” He said as he exhaled. 

“…yeah” she said and laughed a bit. “Yeah. Guess that’s it.” She came and sat next to him. “What did you mean about her getting scared?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh- a scared horse will fucking kill you. Not on purpose, but they’re big and pure muscle, and will do anything to get away from danger. I scared the shit out of her one time, that was it. Dislocated my shoulder 8th day here. Doing that hurts like a bitch by the way.” He rolled his shoulder gently. 

“How’d you manage that? God I knew you were shit at chatting up girls but she dislocated your shoulder?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes with a playful smile, taking another drag. “Yes, I was fuckin around on the trail, dunno why- but there was this branch sticking out so I grabbed it, it snapped, she fuckin reeeared dude. I flew back so hard. My back might still be bruised I’m not sure. Still hurts a little to laugh” he said. 

“You better have seen a doctor” she said. 

“Ohhh silly Syd.” He sighed, a puff of smoke filling the air in front of him. “We aren’t allowed to refuse treatment here. If you get hurt, and you refuse to get help, it’s considered self harm, which leads to them believing you have suicidal ideation, which leads to you being locked in the actual nuthouse. So yes. I willingly went to the doctor daily for a week. And now, I’m being checked on once a week. So yeah. Oh and therapy daily. And every day I’m given my meds and someone checks over ‘pre-existing injuries’ which that is now considered. So yeah. I’m good. I’m fuckin fine as fine can be.” He said. 

“Awww poor little chef, being taken care of so well that’s so hard isn’t it?” She teased and he gives her a playful glare, but couldn’t help but crack a smile when he realized she was smiling too. 

“I was being taken care of fine at home by myself but you and my sister just had to ship me off after one tiny accident” he leaned back on his hand, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“It stops becoming an accident when you didn’t care, Carm. You didn’t care. It didn’t phase you. You weren’t even…you weren’t even scared. Just because you didn’t do it on purpose doesn’t mean you did the sane thing which would have been doing everything you could to not let something like that happen.” She said, her tone suddenly serious. 

He looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. He suddenly felt all of the armor he’d spent the last 31 days chipping at, slowly start to meld back together and shell him back in at the shame the whole situation was making him feel. 

“I have nightmares…you know. About it. What happened” she said quietly, and he could physically feel his heart ripping open. 

The only sound between them was the bubbling stream, and the sounds of their even breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, gaze fixed on his lap knowing he would burst into tears at the admission she’d been so deeply plagued by something he’d done, if he had looked at her.

“I know” was all she said, gently resting her hand on top of his. He felt the same fireworks exploding in his chest that he only ever felt when she was around. 

“Do you um…” he clears his throat and shook his head, embarrassed by the question plaguing his mind. “Never mind it’s..it’s stupid.” He removed his hand, putting his cigarette in it and resting the hand opposite of her on the rock. 

“That usually means it’s not stupid. What?” She coaxed, bumping his knee with hers gently. 

“It’s stupid” he said again, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It can’t be stupider then asking me what UPS means” She said playfully. He rolled his eyes, smiling and looking over at her. 

“And what if it is?” He questioned. 

“I would be..worried they’re giving you a bad concoction of meds that’s turning your glorious chef brain in to Swiss cheese” she teased 

He snorts a laugh. “I was gonna ask..if you wanted to cook..t’night. My cabin…it uh- has a kitchen? I haven’t cooked in a month. They give us food so I haven’t really bothered but…seeing you makes me miss it more, I guess” he blushed, looking back down at his lap. 

“Well obviously. Not gonna let you eat whatever bullshit they’ve been giving you while I’m around.” She said and he shook his head, meeting her gaze once more with a playful smirk. 

“Maybe you should check in. My therapist says it’s bad apparently to feel ‘responsible for others’ - says it’s a ‘subconscious self harming behavior’ “ he teased. 

She smiled a bit. “Okay- say I do. How about, I check in now, we shoot the shit for what- eleven more days- then, you go back home- and see how stressful it is in that restaurant when one of your hands is basically missing” she plucked the cigarette bud he’d forgotten about from between his fingers before it burnt him, flicking it into the creek. 

“You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smoke- other then…me like checking on you when you were about to explode at work. But you’ve never…pulled one out and smoked it I guess” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her cheek on her forearm as she looked at him. 

“Oh…” he said, pulling one of his legs up and resting his arm on it. “Didn’t realize you noticed” he said, brushing some dirt off his jeans. 

“I notice a lot of stupid shit about you, it’s kinda annoying honestly.” She said without thinking, her eyes widening when she realized and she looked the other way, resting her other cheek on her knee and squeezing her eyes shut. 

Why would you ever say that?! She asked herself internally. 

“Oh?” He said again, smiling a bit. “You do?” He questions, but that was as far as he’d push. 

“Mhm” was all she responded. Carmys phone started buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out in case it was one of the ‘base keepers’ they called them. Carmy rather call them babysitters. He knew what they were for, being sure if they were out of sight too long they were making sure they could still get ahold of them. 

He sighed in relief when he saw it was just his 2:40 alarm. “Gotta go” he stood up, offering his hand to Syd. “Like- now. Or my ass is getting chewed out.” 

The ride back to the cabins was mostly silent. He had no stool this time, so he had to pick up Syd essentially by the ass and gently place her on Stars back so she didn’t get spooked. 

He was embarassed as fuck that the tiny action had the crotch region of his jeans tightening more then was casually explainable. Thank god no one was around to see him awkwardly hop in the way of his semi hard third leg down his left pant leg, grunting but covering it with a dry cough when she settled her ass back into him to ‘center their gravity’ 

Syd absolutely felt the firmness pressing into her ass. She thought it was a bit funny, but also brushed it off to the strange friction that came with riding a horse. She couldn’t allow herself to fully believe his teenage like excitement was due to her, or she’d go insane. 

Carmy dropped Syd off at his cabin, giving her the key and telling her he’d put up Stardust and be back by 5, she would be blushing if it weren’t for her mahogany complexion at the domesticity of it all - er what she could imagine domesticity with Carmy would feel like. 

Her panties were also soaked through from the feeling of his enormous length pressed into the curve of her ass - the entire way back - but she just chalked that up to not getting laid for a few months, and misreading his natural arousal for him being horny- she quickly pushed the thought down and just chalked it up to the horse. Because guys get hard when they ride horses…right? Right?!

Carmen arrived to therapy extremely frustrated, and extremely ready to talk. He sat down in his regular spot in the back, tapping his knee nervously and covering his crotch with his hands. Luckily, thinking about his mother was enough to make him soft nearly instantly so he had that to thank her for at least. 

“Alright guys!” Julienne, the usual Friday therapist came in, sitting in her spot in the circle. “Who is up today! We are-“ she looks at her iPad “oh! Yes this is another OP class, so- no pressure but, I wanna hear what’s goin on!” She crossed her legs. 

Julie was far from his favorite therapist, at Blue Lotus. But he wasn’t his least favorite. So he would still talk. He cleared his throat, raising his hand slightly. 

“Carmy?! What a treat! Okay what’s up” she grabbed her little stylus pencil. He bit the inside of his lip nervously. He despised how casual she tried to make this all feel. 

“Uh…so- my um…business partner, she came to see me. I guess I haven’t been…keeping touch? Enough? She just said she was worried…” he cleared his throat again, gaze fixed on his lap. “And uh…I’m startin’ t’-t’realize stuff?” He sniffled nervously, rubbing his mouth with slightly clammy, nervous hands. 

“She uh..” he chuckled a bit. “She…she just…showed up. Didn’t hear shit from ‘er. She probably knew that I’d uh…I’d tell ‘er no?” He finally meets the gaze of Julie. 

“Okay. You know guests are allowed right? Like- during the visiting hours, 6am to 11pm, no fraternizing between patients but-“ Carmen cuts her off

“We aren’t - no. Not fraternizing” He shook his head. “But uh…today? We were- we were sitting. This spot, near uh, Jupiter point? On the north side. And I had this- this urge T-to tell her…everything.” He shook his head, looking at the floor again. 

“So…you wanted to tell her you love her?” Jesse, one of the guys he’d had lunch with a few times piped up. 

“T’be honest, I don’t know.” Carmen said honestly, looking at him. 

“Well what does it feel like?” Jesse asked, sitting up a bit. 

“What? Like- what does what feel like?” Carmen asked curiously. 

“Her. Being with her. Talking to her? Inside. Like. Your chest. Your skin?” He questioned. 

“Uh…” Carmen sat back, swallowing thickly and crossing his arms over his chest. He thought for a moment. 

“Hot. I get hot. All over. My chest feels tight but - but good? Like- a hug almost. And then…when she…” he blushed, looking down with a shy smile. “When she touches me” he shook his head slightly. “When she touches me it’s like um.. fireworks? Like fireworks beneath my skin.” He chuckled a bit at how cheesy it sounded. 

“And you haven’t fucking nailed her?” Jessie asked plainly. 

Carmen furrowed his brows, glaring at him. “No” he clenched his jaw “I haven’t.” He snips. 

“Dude- you are- pussy whipped with no pussy?! You- you love her, Carmen. You love this chick. I feel like I’m looking in a weird straight mirror - the first time-“ he laughed a bit “the first time I kissed a guy- god. He was so hot. But I had no idea! I had no idea. I really thought that I was just-“ he shook his head “that I was just wanting to befriend him? Or something? But like- I wanted to fuck him. And when I did kiss him? Something unlocked in my brain dude. It was like…like a whole new world. I felt like I knew - I knew what love could feel like? Just ‘cause of that one kiss “ he shrugged. 

Carmen looked at him, arms crossed, trying to absorb everything he was saying even though every fiber of his former self was screaming to take it with nothing more than a grain of salt. 

“Kiss her dude. Kiss her.” Jesse said and sat back in his chair. 

“Well. Although, consensual sexual instances are against the code of conduct to discuss - I am very proud to see you two coming out of your shells. Has anyone else felt… confused in their romantic endeavors and would like to share?” Julie asked. 

Carmen crossed his arms tighter, looking down at his lap. This was quite unusual for him, he was one of the patients to only add what he had to to be credited during inpatient, and during outpatient - only spoke when he really and honestly had to. 

“Uh-“ the super tall girl, Shayna sits up. Carmen was never really sure why she was here. She looked…perfect by all means. Perfect skin, perfect nails, pretty face, long blonde hair, a perfect body by girl standards. Or at least what Carmen had understood of them.

 “Not really the same.. but before I came out? I like…I would uh buy…girl clothes. That I liked. For my girlfriends at the time…” she blushed “and um.. I realized after a while that I liked them. And I wasn’t just..wanting to see my girlfriend in them. And like- it’s not the exact same, but when he said… about how Jesse realized he wanted the guy. That’s how I felt when I finally tried the clothes on” she shrugged. 

Carmen was…aghast. He just simply stared at her. He’d never met- or thought-  he’d ever met a trans person before today. But…Shayna? 

Well- he was wrong because he had met her, they actually knew each other fairly well as far as patients go, she joined the program when he did. When they first met, she’d made a joke about how they were the tallest girl and shortest guy in the class, so that meant they were bound to be friends, since opposites attract - and that earned a chuckle out of him before his meds had even fully evened out. 

“I love the cis-and-confused look- it’s cute” she said and laughed a bit. Carmen blushed, smiling a bit. 

“Not confused- well, maybe. Maybe a little. Y’Just so…dainty? I dunno..” he shrugged. 

“In case you haven’t noticed- mr.little man syndrome- you’re only one out with the cows doing the hay on time in the morning. Ninty percent of the group is your version of dainty ” Jesse teased. 

“Jesse” Julie gives him the look. “I’d assume that means- the rest of you that aren’t out helping with the bales- are scraping out the cow pens? Since Carmen is doing all the hard work according to you.” 

“I’m not girl- fuck no! The second I got out of inpatient house arrest? I walked my happy ass down to Walmart and bought me some blackout curtains. I recommend those to all of you! Oh my god and some ear plugs!! The stupid fucking roosters! Worst 15 days of my lifeee! I’m never coming back here peace and love to you all though. Truly. Can’t stand this cow shit stank ass place.”  Shayna said dramatically, causing Carmen to chuckle a bit.

 He had loved her boldness since they’d met. If Shayna didn’t want to do something- she wasn’t doing it. He learned that the day the staff tried to force her on anti-depressants. One of the main therapists got a Wellbutrin straight to the eye, they never attempted that battle the same way again. 

“We know Shayna you aren’t shoveling scat, princesses don’t do that” Jesse mocked her valley girl tone. 

“Okay! Okay. Alriiiight! Back on track- done with the bickering!” Julie said. “Now that open call is over let’s move on to breakthroughs. This issss-“ she looks at her iPad “ah- yes! D group. So. That makes it-“ he checks her watch “ah- right. 11 days! How are your light tunnel projects going?” She questioned. 

Carmen’s chest tightened, but not in the Syd is smiling or he made Syd laugh way- in the - I haven't done something I was meant to do way. 

The Light Tunnel project wasn’t hard. It was simply one thing you have done that you had wanted to do when you came into the program. And Carmy knew what his answer was, 

Admit how he felt to Sydney. 

Or, as his Therapist- Mandy told him ‘become more truthful with yourself and those you know about how you feel’ because “counting on someone to like him back would put him at square one” he had pretended to understand, but knew that he had to tell her and soon - or he was going to really go insane. 

“ my light tunnel was to talk to my asshole father- but lucky for me I just caught wind the motherfucker finally died thank god. So by default I win and don’t have to be here anymore cause his abandonment was what fucked me up anyhow“ Shayna said jokingly, causing Carm to snort a laugh. He knew she was only joking about the leaving early part, not the father part. Her father was an even bigger piece of shit then Carmen’s was, he had come to learn.

“Mmm that isn’t how it works we know that Shayna. We’ll talk more about this in one to one “ Julie told her and Shayna crossed her long legs, looking out the window. 

The last 20 minutes of the session Carmen sat silently, looking out the opposite window to Shayna, watching the horses running around in the field before they got called in for dinner and just spacing out, thinking about what he may say to Syd. 

“Yo - Carm space cadet” Shayna said before kicking his boot he jumped a bit, looking up at them both and had realized the room since had cleared and Julie was preparing for her next session. 

“Shit.” He said “how long have I been like…like that?” He asked, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“It’s the OCD meds. They get you stuck in a happy thought loop sometimes. Are you just gonna sit here? You wanna do another hour of this with sniveling group a? They got here three days ago.” Jesse said. Carm shook his head, getting up. 

“No- no sorry” he said starting with them outside. Shayna laughed a bit 

“You were thinking of screwing that business partner aren’t you. “ she said, causing Carmys cheeks to go pinker. 

“Shayna shut up!” Jesse scolded, pushing her shoulder lightly. 

“Awwww carmyyy are your feelings hurt little buddy? Do you need a hug? Jesus men are such pussys” she pushed open the doors of the therapy cabin for them. 

“Let me see pictures of this hot chick. If you don’t fuck her I will and I bet I’d do a better job” Shayna teased as they started heading back towards the cabins. 

Carmen couldn’t even process what she said as he felt his breath get caught in his chest, he saw her. She was sitting on the porch of his cabin, criss-cross in one of the rocking chairs as she writes in her notebook. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at the way the setting sun hit her bronze skin, her curls casting intricate patterned shadows on the wood. He felt his heart pick up, his chest squeezing in that way, the way that only happened when he saw her. 

Shayna and Jesse stopped after a few moments when they realized Carm had gotten stuck behind. They both follow his gaze carefully to see what he was so fixed on, like a trance. 

“Holy fuuuck!!! Holy fuck how did I get this lucky!! She’s here? She’s here still?!” Shana asked excitedly, “oh my god- you’re getting laid- tonight” she excitedly skips up to the cabin and Syd looks up, locking eyes with her before seeing Carmen just a few paces behind.  “I’m Shayna! Do you and Carm wanna hang out with us tonight?”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[borathae]

OMG IM SO SORRY i should have been more careful 😭😭😭 i was just thirsting over vamp jimin, i didn't mean it to sound like that lmao

i was just reading the MV chapters with him and ugh i need him bad sibi you don't understand like i need him #BAD with bold capital letters

i saw somebody's post here a few days ago talking about a scenario where he's comforted during intimacy time and i was about to crash out sibi i almost started climbing up my walls...thank god i live alone

the POSSIBILITIES of that... like is he whiney? will he try to hide behind his hands? and then when his hands are off his face, will we see a beautiful shade of blush? AND THEN WILL HE GIGGLE??????AND THANK YOU FOR IT WITH LOVING TEARY EYES???? HELP I NEED TO BE SEDATED

like i know he's so gentle and soft and loving #EMERGENCYYYYYYYY #INEEDHELP

and if that anon is seeing this you just made me the happiest woman ever with that post...

thank you for listening to my ted talk

Noo don't apologise lovely hahaha it was funny cause I was already sleepy and my brain went "hahah gotcha" jdsfjadjf

Also, I love that you want him so bad like we really stan Jimin love in this household heheheh <3

i saw somebody's post here a few days ago talking about a scenario where he's comforted during intimacy time and i was about to crash out sibi i almost started climbing up my walls...thank god i live alone

JFDSJFJ real

the POSSIBILITIES of that... like is he whiney?

if you play with him long enough ;)

will he try to hide behind his hands?

oh, you can be sure of that ;)

and then when his hands are off his face, will we see a beautiful shade of blush?

100% yes AND some pretty tears <3

AND THEN WILL HE GIGGLE??????

mhhhhm probably if he feels safe <3

AND THANK YOU FOR IT WITH LOVING TEARY EYES???? HELP I NEED TO BE SEDATED

okay yes 100% that is canon :(

like i know he's so gentle and soft and loving #EMERGENCYYYYYYYY #INEEDHELP

also headcanon?? he is the type of sub that praises the Domme constantly like "you're doing so good mistress/mommy/goddess", "I love it so much what you're doing mistress/mommy/godess", "you make me feel so good..." LIKE boy has a praise kink and he WILL use it on his Domme <3

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Girl.... I have spent basically my whole day reading your chapters and I am not even SORRY!!!! Its so good! I haven't been on this site in years, but I used to write (for another fandom) and read a lot of other stories, and I had forgotten just how much I love a well written fanfic!

You are very very talented! And I may now be fully obsessed with this story, I've had to turn on notifications hahaha.

Can't wait for the next one! ❤

Thank you so so much!!!!! Got me blushing and giggling, that's so sweet and it really does mean the world. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, I'm having a grand old time writing it and there is MUCH more to come (what if I said I already had to split a few chapters up)❤❤

[chocor0se]

hypothetically, if i were to make an original character who is both a halfblood and a wizard/witch while setting both HP and PJO in the same time period(HP starting like right after TLT in this case) and write a fic about that, would you read it?

hypothetically i say, because i totally don’t have a few chapters written out already hahaha

edit: since apparently people like the idea i’ll give you a couple spoilers:

The main character is an OC named Anna Lark

She’s a child of Hermes

She’s American

Her mom had died right before summer started, not that anyone at camp knew

She’s two years younger than Percy, 11 in the fic

And I’ve decided that it’ll probably be called:

“a demigod and a witch? seriously?”

I might change the name but look out for it on ao3 in the future!

[krokusplays]

AAAAA i’m SO glad i managed to catch onto what you were doing!!! nothing gets to me as much as just seeing how much love an author puts into their stories. truly, i could feel how much love was put into this fic 🥹

i’m also super happy that i was right about my thoughts on the table, too! i didn’t wanna voice it since i thought i’d rambled on too much already HAHAHA! but on that! i like how the table was done slightly different— blade asks reader for help (as kindly as he can, even if he voices it more like a demand than a question). the cabinet door really was the start of his healing process 🥹! he fixed that himself with reader simply observing him.

but when he finally voices the need for assistance, it was like, okay, i do need help. and yours isn’t so bad, after all.

you can really see the way trust starts to build between them both. it’s so so heartwarming 😭

you can only do so much for someone, but it’s ultimately up to them to decide what to do with the care and help you extend to them. like i keep saying— you captured that fact so so beautifully!

i also can’t help but think how it’s so fitting for him lore wise; how he used to be a weaponsmith/craftsman :’))) so it makes a lot of sense for him to have a history with craftsmanship !

and on the topic of fitting! you translated the mara really well! i think the self-destructiveness of drugs and alcohol is as realistic as you can get in a modern-au. especially because once you really get in the shitter, it’s hard to get out of it. addiction is a serious problem.

you conveyed blade’s softness so so well, it really made me go, yes, this is why i love blade so much 🥹! you truly get it!! get him!! he’s for sure very rough around the edges, but he can truly be so sweet 😭!! even if he’s much more subtle about it.

and ahhh the kiss. the most precious little kiss 😭! i found it super appropriate too! it’s definitely more genuine than anything a kiss on the lips would have conveyed given their context. it’s such an innocent action, to be kissed on the forehead. it felt borderline apologetic. yes, it was a thank you, but it also felt like he was saying sorry 🥹! he truly can be so soft and considerate when he wants to be!! and reader finally getting to experience that side of him was so heartwarming

he’s still very much guarded. you don’t just get over someone like that, that’s a given. you don’t just get over alcoholism and drug addiction overnight.

but it’s a start, and that’s enough. he’ll get better. he just needed that little nudge in the right direction. a little reassurance of someone being there.

the final few parts of that chapter felt so rewarding reading it. AAAAAAAAAAA!!1!11!1!!1 IM SOBBING. this might just take the cake for my favourite modern fic i’m not even shitting you rn 😭

I'm also so glad someone caught onto that and even more so that you let me know about it 🥹

I enjoyed writing these parts so much. Writing about Blade doing something he's good at and something he enjoys doing felt so nice during writing 🥹

Idk how to explain it there was something so nice about writing Blade taking initiative like this after being so meh to the Reader. Especially just how much he took the initiative. He didn't take one look at it and gave up because there's no fixing that furniture, no, he took all these steps of going to the basement, collecting things he needed, eventually asking(or demanding lol) Reader for help, and he did it all one step at a time.

Idk it felt so much more rewarding writing this scene like this than having him go "here's everything I need, done, bye" 🙈

Yes, yes! Given his canon past I knew I wanted him to be crafty in this fic and since I knew I wanted to go with the cleaning idea from the beginning, the idea to use furniture to represent hist craftsmanship + mental state was almost an instant given then 🤭

I'm glad you think the substance abuse as a substitute for Mara in this AU was believable 🥹

Blade is in canon often misunderstood. When that car scene with him and Firefly got released, a lot of people were surprised how nice Blade was in it. Even though he's always been like that, it's just that he mostly showed up on screen when the Mara struck and he wasn't himself T_T

I really tried my best to build trust between Blade and the Reader slowly. I also knew from the beginning that I didn't want this to end with a super happy ending but more with a promise. That they took a step in the right direction, Blade did his first step, Reader is there to support him(and he knows that now), and with a lot of time there will be a happy ending eventually 🥹

I had so much fun with this fic 🥹 I must also say that it's rare that I had this much motivation and drive to sit down and write a fic. I wrote and edited those 14k words so fast 😂🙈

Man, I'm so happy to hear that 😭

Also a thank you to you for giving me a chance to ramble so much about this fic 🥹

[venrain]

hey, i‘m just re-reading staring at the sky (and just saw you just finished another long-form fic! ahh!) and i‘m just curious how you write these intricate, organised stories. reading your writing, it all feels like it comes together so well and elegantly. do you use outlines and take a while to piece all the elements and ideas together or do you write down whatever feels right and go with that?

Aww, thank you, I'm glad my longfics comes across as organised hahaha. I do a few things to help, but I actually am quite free form with planning. I don't like outlining - it's all broad brushstrokes until I get deeper into the story. However, some of the major techniques I keep in mind are: 1) character arcs are planned from day 1. before I even start writing the fic, I have in mind what changes the character will undergo. this includes what flaws they start with, how they adapt (whether for better or for worse), and what deeply motivates them and their choices. I find this technique drives plot extremely well. If I have the character fleshed out from the beginning, everything they do makes sense as the stakes rise. at the end, they must complete their arc. 2) I use google docs to write, and I use section links to jump from section to section (terrible, I know, imagine 500 pages of straight text). I leave comments throughout the doc reminding myself of critical tiny details/foreshadowing. my comments evolve as the story changes as well - I have a big picture plot in mind, but the subtle side plots emerge naturally. I also pace myself by leaving a sentence or two about goals in upcoming chapters 3) sometimes, I go backwards and look for details that I've already written, and then I weave those into the plot as I write. I breadcrumb myself by weaving in lots of dual-usage details that could potentially be used in the plot, but the reader would not be able to tell until later (and its not an issue if I don't use the detail)! this is one of my favorite things to do. however, I am still careful to avoid unnecessary details; even if these details are NOT used later, they still must serve some other critical purpose in the passage. 4) similar to character arcs, I have big themes in mind while I write. as a result, the plot is shaped by these themes. things that happen in the story should a) reflect character development and b) the themes I am trying to communicate and explore with the reader 5) I spend a lot of time thinking/problem-solving for my fic...haha. I will write things that I know will be a problem for myself later, but that's for future me to deal with. I will get stuck on some chapters because I've written myself into a corner. lots of creativity and finagling is required for that late stage stuff. for example, I couldn't pin down the antagonist's primary motivations in the keys you keep until the end, so I had to reread my previous chapters over and over until I found a solution that made sense. -

thanks for asking such a fun question! I've always wanted to document a bit about my process, so ty for giving me the opportunity to do so!

tl;dr - I focus on characters > plot. themes > plot. I then problem-solve my way through the plot, just like the characters in my stories do :)