#and EVEN IF IM WRONG 1. not their place to decide and 2. it's literally not a disability if it's not causing me struggles

[pondscummy]

so me and roommate L talked on Sunday and I finally like aired some of my grievances and was like hey you really hurt me w how you treated me during my recovery and I realized I actually really don't feel like I can safely communicate with you and I haven't felt like I could for a very long time. and they did apologize and we decided to just be polite roommates and not friends at all and that's a big relief honestly bc now I'm not carrying around this tension the way I was before bc I know there's not expectation from either side but like. it's also freed me up mentally where I'm not thinking about all the immediate stuff anymore and instead I'm like remembering various random things that pissed me off but weren't big enough to focus on before lmao

the one I'm stuck on rn is how insistent they are that I'm on the spectrum. idk they do a lot of explaining myself to me that makes me like. bro shut Up you don't know what my lived experience is like lol you have no concept of anything. which. for context I have a dx and I thought I was on the spectrum for years and years but weirdly enough going to therapy and working through my ptsd made a lot of those symptoms just.... start vanishing. and one of my friends had been undiagnosed for the same reason so it got me thinking about it and talking to my therapist at the time and like. ptsd can present rly similarly. like I was neglected and abused as a child and I literally did not learn social skills, and I was very fearful of other people. as I like worked through the stuff that had instilled that in me and found my stride w stepping out of my comfort zone and getting comfortable being uncomfortable I really don't find it particularly hard to talk to people. I retook the RAADS and I got that I have tendencies but am not anywhere near diagnostic level. I'm literally moving states bc I find the idea of being in a new place and starting from scratch socially rly exciting and I want to like go out to events on my own and meet people both through apps and more organically and I want to get to be in the office with my coworkers like. obv there's more to a dx than just social anxiety but the things that my dx was primarily based in (social anxiety, need for stability/routine, aversion to connection, even sensory issues) are so easily linked back to trauma for me and like. being on the spectrum doesn't go away w therapy?? also I've found it harder and harder to befriend other people on the spectrum; I find I have less in common as time goes on and that my communication style is more focused on like small talk and less directness etc. and I don't tend to get special interests at all anymore like I find it a little difficult to discuss interests w people for long periods of time.

anyway idk my experiences just make me think that it was an incorrect dx but a rly understandable one. I'll probably always have tendencies and get along pretty well w others who do or who are on the spectrum but like I just don't think that I am. and whenever I tried to talk about this with them they'd shut it down and be like um I'm pretty sure you are lmao. and when we talked Sunday I made a comment about making some assumptions about their facial expressions at one point and they were like well we're both on the spectrum so. and I was like my guy I can read facial expressions just fine. if you're saying I can't read yours accurately bc You're on the spectrum then fine. sure. I actually think it's bc you're always so fucking stoned that every muscle in your face is dangling from the frame, personally, but like. i don't have this probably of misreading anyone else dude. like ffs stop armchair diagnosing me and acting like bc you said it then it's law. UGHHHHHHHHHGGGHHHH. it would be one thing if I thought they were saying this stuff bc they think I'm distancing myself out of internalized ableism or something. but it really seems more like they bring it up only to tell me how bad I am at things. which like I'm sorry lmao but. if I'm not giving this vibe to anyone else and I'm not displaying symptoms predominantly in my day to day life and if they're rly seeming to be correlated to my ptsd, maybe you're literally just triggering for me to be around. asshat

[yutarot]

IN PERFECT SYNC [j.jh smau]

betrayal [noun]  /bɪˈtreɪ.əl/

1 : the act of dissapointing a persons trust, hopes or expectations.

2 : revelation of something hidden or secret.

3 : failure to keep or honour a promise, principle or cherished memory, etc.

twelve — betrayal. wc: 1k

café neoro. 4:14pm

if you were to say you weren’t confused by the sudden cafe invitation, you’d be lying.

as you enter the front door, triggering the cafe’s bell to ring, you spot giselle sat in the far corner, biting her nails; a habit she does only when she’s dreading something.

that’s weird.

she spots you, dropping her hands to the table and nodding you over to come and sit with her.

“you’re here!” she squeals, “you’re here..”

the atmosphere is strange, you must admit and there’s something odd lining the air between you. so you begin to drone on about your class in efforts to ease off the weirdness.

“urg, im so sick of my professor just constantly leaving the hall. im literally paying to be here and he can’t even be bothered to stay!” you whine as you set your bag down beside you, sitting opposite giselle on the cafes patchwork coach.

it’s a cute little place, you and the girls come here often to catch up when you don’t see eachother for periods of time in exam season.

but for giselle to ask you here alone? when neither of you have exams for months?

there was something going on.

“honestly, i wish my professor would leave sometimes.” she replies. “she’s so boring!”

you laugh, spending the next 20 minutes complaining about your courses and gossiping about overheard conversations.

that’s until you decide to bring up giselle’s absence from the party the other night.

“where did you even go?!” you ask, too excited for your own good. but you know giselle.

and you know she’s forcing her smile.

“oh, just some room upstairs, no idea who’s. could have been chenles for all i know.” she laughed.

you take a sip of your coffee as you laugh in reply, winking at her jokingly. “so, who was the guy? was he good at yk… that stuff..”

she giggles as she nods. but her smile withers.

“look, yn.”

the sudden change of atmosphere brings you right back to the feeling of the beginning of your meet-up, the cold, stark vibe of something being wrong, of something eating away at whatever is between you.

“i told myself that i should be honest with you, so i will.” she continues.

“what is it, giselle? you’re scaring me.”

she’s silent for a moment.

the silence kills.

but you soon find out that it isn’t the silence that is killing you, its the thought that in these mere seconds, giselle is counting down the moments until she tells you who it is.

until she knowingly breaks your heart.

“it was jaehyun. the guy i slept with was jaehyun.”

your mind feels heavy, unattached even.

how could she do this? after everything you went through. she was the one who was there the entire time, she was the one who comforted you, telling you how he was in the wrong and how he deserved the worst kind of punishment for what he did.

and yet, in the end, she must have never truly believed it. because now she has betrayed your trust.

and she has betrayed you.

“what?” you can feel your vision going foggy, tears welling up in your eyes.

“i know, i know. i shouldn’t have, but can you really blame me?”

“yes!” you raise your voice, and your thankful that the cafe is near empty. “giselle…”

there’s a pause of silence as she lets you figure out what you want to say.

but you continue. “you know what he did to me. you hugged me as i cried when i found out. i had no friends because of him, none! all the girls in highschool hated me giselle, do you know how that feels?”

you’re crying at this point, but she listens, watches as you burst into tears.

“do you know how it feels to find out your bestfriend had been shit-talking you to all the girls just so he could get in their pants?! he had used me as a pickup line giselle, he had embarrassed me, telling girls he thought i was ugly, annoying, that he only tolerated me to make himself look better, all so that they wouldn’t get jealous! do you know how that feels?”

“…no.”

“so why would you do that?” you quieten down, almost to a whisper as you struggle to get your words out. “you know how much he hurt me, about how i can never be friends with half the girls in this college because to this day they still laugh and point. and yet, you don’t care about any of that.”

“it was one night, yn.”

“and yet you still felt that that one night was important than my feelings. how do u think im going to look when people find out my best friend has slept with him? i already look stupid enough!”

“yn, noone will know, i promise.” she replies.

“i know. that’s enough.” you stand up, leaving giselle sat there as you make your way to the door as you let the tears fall.

you feel 18 again, you feel the eyes, the giggles as you would when u walked down the hallway with jaehyun, unaware of what he had been doing behind your back.

jaehyun was probably so smug right now, knowing he had not only used you in highschool, but in college too, and with your own bestfriend on top of all that.

so now, you hate him even more that you ever did before.

you’ll never understand him, you’ll never know why he did what he did.

but there’s one thing you’ll know you will always do:

you will always hate him.

mlist — next

notes; so!.. i guess the truth is out now….. hope u guys don’t hate me too much! 😄😄 (btw there won’t be a chapter tmr bc im busy all day and don’t have the next chapter written, the next update will be sunday! sorry😞)

taglist — open; @https-yeonjun @chenlesfavorite @therealbobbyshloby @f6llsun @jkslvsnella @nanaxwi @cloudmrk @neocrashed @vernonburger @vividwritess @taeeflwrr @mmjhh1998 @cyjzzl @stareaa @minkyuncutie @mrkleelvr @dudekiss3r @nattan127 @slayhaechan @jaeveil @tynlvr @mslora @nosungluv @grassbutneo @dokyriu @girlz4jaem @axo-l0tl @yyangj3lly @solvrse @m1ng1swife @gentlepeach @xiuriii @soobinbunnie5 @tocupid @apolloxxivmin @ctrlstar @gyuguys @tokitosun @i-kai @flamingi @mrkleelvr @en-dream @queenrachelpink @ssweetreveries @swanyvess @flaminghotyourmom @hyuck-me @cryingforjae @hizhu @starfilledgaze

[phantomantz]

some changes i would have made to the characters storylines in tua s4

disclaimer: i am no writer, it's just fun to think about the possibilities. btw anyone feel free to use any of these ideas for fics idc

lila doesn't cheat for starters. instead she and diego have both been secretly doing vigilante missions and keeping it from the other because they think they'll be mad. on one of these missions the two run into each other and rekindle their spark. basically the five and lila story but with diego and lila instead thanks. maybe one or both of them almost die or their kids are put in danger, and they decide to find a much less dangerous hobby, because while its thrilling in the moment they realize they wouldn't sacrifice their family for it

luther is shown to be much more depressed about sloanes absence (if there really is no way for her to come back) but he's trying to hold it together to be there for his family. would be nice if he bonded with characters like klaus, viktor or allison who have also lost their lovers. diego and lila shenanigans means they need luther to babysit a lot and luther finds happiness caring for his nieces and nephew. maybe he also finds a fulfilling job where he can meet a lot of people and help others.

five still finds the time subway but without lila. we get more time exploring the alternate timelines and seeing different ways the apocalypse has happened including ways the other sibs have ended the world. his PTSD and reliving his trauma is also explored. he eventually ends up in the five diner where he's told that they end the world every time but instead of excepting defeat and making everyone sacrifice themselves he finds another way (what exactly that is im not so sure) and becomes the first and only five to successfully prevent the apocalypse forever

allisons relationship with claire and ray are explored more heavily as well as everything she did in s3. i like the idea that she takes care of klaus because 1: hes the only sibling that will still talk to her and 2: because of the guilt she feels after getting him killed. i just wish her arc focused on something OTHER than saving klaus because thats basically all she did this season. would be nice if she spent more time with viktor and luther the two people she wronged most heavily in s3.

i would keep viktors confrontation with reggie but alternatively i would make this reginald umbrella reginald so it has much more weight to it. either that or have viktor express that even though he said his piece toward this reggie he will never actually get closure with their real father and nothing will remove the pain from his childhood. the rest i would keep pretty similar. reginald wants to kill ben and viktor wants to stop him at any cost. viktor knows what its like to be "the bomb" and doesn't want the same thing that happened to him to happen to ben. instead of working together to find ben however they're more in a race against eachother. maybe allison joins him and they make up on the way. i would have liked for ben and viktor to have had a heart to heart in the beginning of the season, maybe about how ben felt like a monster sometimes because of his powers, and viktor relating. idk how this would work with sparrow ben because he doesn't seem to hate his powers the same way brelly ben did but it would have been nice to show another reason why viktor is going through so much trouble to save him. and the ending where he trys to talk him down would be more impactful i think.

for klaus i would keep everything pretty much the same up until he runs into that quinn guy. instead i would have him travel to the subway with five in lilas place. five and klaus' powers are the most mind boggling out of the bunch not to mention time and death are inherently intertwined and this needed to be explored. also, you're telling me klaus literally has the power to talk to GOD and this never has any plot relevance???? klaus should have been involved in finding the solution to the apocalypse imo. also we needed klaus and ben interactions. idk how or when but it NEEDED to happen

ben and jennifer being the catalyst for the apocalypse is making it very hard for me to figure what to do with him tbh. i just wish he had more time with the other sibs and didn't turn into a horrific blob monster at the end 😭he felt less like a character this season and more like a plot device and he deserved to have some scenes that actually fleshed him out. it would have been cool if the reason he causes the apocalypse was actually because of his powers and not just because he happened to be the one to make skin contact with jennifer. i really thought that the twist was gonna be that the squid that jennifer was stuck in was the one that ben summons and that was why they were connected. not the fact that they both just had reactive magic particles in them that anyone could have set off. like what if jennifer being cut out of the squid was what killed ben?

OH! what if jennifer was an eldritch horror from the same dimension that bens tentacles are from and for some reason she wants to kill the brellys/end the world and because bens powers are linked to her she can control his mind ???? c'mon i feel like i've got something here

a have a couple of other ideas but don't know where they would fit in rn so yeah.

[tarasmithshifts]

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐑 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄: 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓 part 1

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐑. 3 years 𝐀𝐆𝐄. 17-20 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏: sirius, remus, james, lily, peter, dorcas, marlene, mainly people from gryffindor and ravenclaw

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒. taken

「 ✦ 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓼 ✦ 」

im crying rn. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK IN THIS DR SOME CRAZY STUFF HAPPENED SOOOOO LETS GET INTO IT. THREE YEARS. gosh this is so crazy

— ୨୧₊˚ click here to read part 1 of my last update

— ୨୧₊˚ click here to read part 2 of my last update

i will write this storytime in 3 parts probably, i am noooooooot ready. NOT AT ALL.

be ready for 2 next parts because in this one nothing really happened, there was nothing crazy or something. let's say it's an interlude to the next 2 parts 🌷🌷🌷

「 ✦ 7th year ✦ 」

𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮 - 7𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻

summer - sirius got his own place to live

summer- i bought a house in yorkshire

september - june -> final school year

july - odd proposition

okay so as we know we are in year 1977!! my last year at hogwarts with marauders :'( literally one of my best shifting experiences was hogwarts with my boys and girlssss

okay let's go because this is gonna be crazyyyyyyyyyy

ＳＵＭ ＭＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ last shift update ended in may and here i just wanted to say that i of course graduated!!! i just don't like wasting space for that info bc it's so obvious lmaoo

okay soooo i bought my house, as well as sirius!!! we got money from Alphard, who passed away and we split the money in half. i afforded a cottage in yorkshire, where i moved on in july, i was contacting with remus through letters, also because war intesified. then one day in the beginning of august he appeared at my front door and i kneeeeeeeeew something was wrong. and i was like "what is going on???" he asked if he can come inside, i said he doesn't have to ask and that he can ofc come inside, we sat in my living room and HOLY SHIT

lyall lupin is dead y'all.

my jaw was on the floor. and he didn't show any emotion while he was saying me that. and i was there. DEVASTETED. apparently death eaters killed him when he helped some aurors with their job outside of london, and he said that he just got the news from ministry.

and we sat there.

in my living room.

in silence.

gosh you should've seen him. i was not prepared to this at ALL. AT ALL.

so uhhh we decided that he will stay at my place for few days (he stayed with me all summer hahaha) the next day we went over to sirius to tell him, as he knew lyall as well. during next week remus planned, but it was right before full moon so i said to him that i will take care of it. i didn't want him to stuggle even more. full moon happened on 16 of july, remus was in worse state that i expected but we got through it :') the funeral happened few days later, it was a small ceremony, without anybody around us. in documents it was stated that lyall had a heart attack so there wasn't any problems with people thinking about how he actually died. he was buried next to hope lupin :(

we spent whole summer at my house, sometimes visiting his to clean up or move some stuff, and sometimes we visited boys and i went over to lily 💗 i don't have much to talk about here so i'm not going to describe anything lmao

and one of the things that we do at my house is listening to remus mum records from the opera 🥲🥲🥲🥲 it’s so cute and i can confirm, his mum was AMAZING

also i forgot to say that during summer sirius and james encountered two Muggle police officers on FLYING MOTORBIKE. are you kidding me LMAO 😭😭😭

S C H O O L Y E A R

in this school year most of the time we spent learning for our finals :')

i needed to pass 5 N.E.W.T.s so i had a lot of work to do, as i wanted to become auror in the ministry.

also many people we knew from ministry was dying because of war, all of them were mentioned in daily propet, we read it DAILY. we didn't care for it earlier, but from that moment we read it religiously.

i think that we were also scared that there will appear a name of someone that we knew personally.

hogwarts was not the same that year.

also james and lily were made head boy and girl of gryffindor! james was super proud of himself and at the beginning he was telling EVERYONE around how cool he is. and lily is super happy with him which i'm so THANKFULLLLLL they are so cute you need to believe me lmao 💗💗

me and remus were helping each other A LOT during this school year, because of n.e.w.t.s i saw that he was super stressed about them :/

alsooo we had inter-house quidditch cup!!! we had some changes in positions, me and sirius took beaters positions (which is pretty funny because years later fred and george weasley had this position too, and they are also twins lmao) arthur browne took the keeper postition, james, geoffrey fawley and marlene were chasers, and phoebe dawson was a seeker.

also regulus became captain of slytherin team, and gryffindor lost match with them, so we were super angry but it is what it is lmao 😭

also boys did not spend that much time with each other, all of them became more serious about their future (okay, maybe except sirius lol) so they were not doing that much pranks etc. i spent more time with lily, she helped me a lot with potions too, also we sat together on potions because slughorn LOVED HER. literally she was his pearl in the eye,he invited her to his partys etc, gave her books she could learn from even more, which helped me not her LMAO 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ALSO from funny things that happened, one night after mine and sirius' birthday, we were sitting down in boys dormitory, me, ofc marauders, marlene, lily and dorcas, there was silent moment and sudenly dorcas went "is it only me or dumbledore is gay" AND WE WERE LIKE "WHAT" and we had full debate if he is gay or not LMAO and yup the verdict was that he is gayest of all gays ever LMAOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭

about n.e.w.t.s - I PASSED 6 SUCCESSFULLY IM SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHHHHH

DADA - i totally slayed this one HA

POTIONS - it went better than i thought, so i'm safe with this one

CHARMS - it went even better after dada exams because i was sure it will be easier than dada one, and i was right

TRANSFIGURATION - thanks to mcgonagall, without her i would be screwed with one lmao

HISTORY OF MAGIC - okay this one went worse than i expected but i still got E

CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES - this one was HELL. literal HELL TO ME because i did not like this subject and learning it for n.e.w.t.s was a torture, but i passed it with E

me and remus decided to move into my house together :')) so did lily and james, they bought a cute house at godric's hollow 💗💗💗

J U L Y

me and remus lived in yorkshire, we used teleportation to see sirius, peter, james and lily from time to time. in the middle of july sirius appeared at our door. we were at home, so we let him in. and he started yapping about some kind of order, he was talking so fast we literally had no idea what he was saying. when we sat him down, he started from the beginnig, and he told us about the order of pheonix. that dumbledore is looking for people that are talented and brave enough to fight against voldemort. and that he wants to prepare us before dumbledore will appear at our door. he said that he already joined the order, as well as peter. he started telling us who already is there, and that he wants to give us more time to think because albus wants immidiate decision.

so after sirius left me and remus were talking for HOURS about what should we say to dumbledore after he will appear. and we both agreeded that joining order will be the best decision for us. we could finally help in war, and not only help other wizards but also save muggles.

in the evening somebody appeared at our door. we heard the teleportation sound outside. out there it was very dark, like every light on the street disapeared. remus told me to stay inside and opened the door by himself with his wand raised, but he only saw dumbledore, and immediately lowered wand. dumbledore looked at him and just said "if it wasn't me, you would be dead already remus."

i stood in the kitchen but observed the whole thing, and finally stood outside so albus would see me too. "you should ask me a question" said dumbledore, still not coming inside. i just stood there and waited for remus to say something, and remus finally spoke "who told severus snape about the secret" obviously he was telling about the prank, dumbledore only smiled and said "oh of course mr. black" and came inside. he looked around and i showed him the way to living room. me and remus sat on the couch, while dumbledore sat on huge armchair that we bought recently. "you need to be more creative next time" he said "they can get such and information" and after that he started to TALK and when i say talk, he talked for like about 30 minutes NON STOP. about the order, about his trust in us, about the need of our magic, about the importance of defeating voldemort. and after he stopped talking, he just looked at us, and we both immediately said "yes".

and from that moment, nothing ever will be the same.

「 ✦ end notes ✦ 」

gosh i finally published this

HELLO IM SO BACKKKKK and i can't wait to tell you more, because this was super short and it was just the beginning of spiral chaos that will happen, so BE READY.

anyways, IM SO HAPPYYYYY and i can't wait to tell you moreeeeeeeeeeee 🌷💫💗

[zirobitches]

One Piece: Soulmate AU

Always in this twilight - Crocodile x GN!Reader

Summary: Soulmates are incapable of hurting each other. As a pirate, this leads to some tragic moments midst battles. You thought you were prepared for when it might happen to you, but damn you were wrong.

Gn! Reader, Angst no comfort, no beta we die like Roger, Reader is Croc's First Mate and a former Roger pirate (Shanks/Buggy's age) but it doesnt really matter, also former slave background, congrats you are now in the place of my self insert OC, no promises on not being cringe this is literally a /reader fic, also had to make a fake crew bc we dont know enough crocs backstory HAND IT OVER ODA

Word count: 4500+

Also first fic on tumblr, idk what im doing here, lmk ur opinions. It is now 2:03am and i have class at 10:30. Might have to skip lmao

EDITS: grammar check lol. also cross posted it on ao3 - same name as my blog

-----------

Soulmates weren't as common as you'd might assume when you first hear about it. There's an easy way to prove someone is your soulmate, but when that method is to harm them, well, it doesn't make it easy to find that person. And society gets a bit weird when you know your soulmate is out there.

you've known that some people carry around little needles to poke into strangers hoping to find the one. But that was in decent society; among pirates you more often heard tales of bullets suddenly dropping to the ground after they hit their target, or swords stopping on someone's skin as though it just hit steel. A battlefield is a hell of a place to meet the person fate had decided for you, but for pirates it had become a norm.

Not that long ago, some genius named Vegapunk did a study on how many people meet their soulmate - 1 in a 100. And that's just how many people find them. It never accounts for how many actually happily end up together. You had chosen to live your life as a pirate, so a happy ending with your supposed soulmate wasn't something you foresaw in your future.

You were always grateful most of your current crew felt the same. There was a small group among pirates that were always on the lookout to find their soulmate and then immediately retire. Your crew however like to joke that if they found them in battle, they would move out of the way so someone else could finish them off. It was a grim reality, but it was your reality.

However, on nights like these where you drank the night away, some romantic always had to bring it up.

"C'mon, did old Roger really make you so cold hearted that you don't believe in true love?"

"Pfft, you're fucking joking right?" You scoffed back. You always argued with Tink about this, but you understood your young navigator still had hope. Too bad you were the pessimist of the crew.

"It's not that I don't believe in true love," you continued. "Soulmates are real, I don't really see another explanation for not being able to harm only one other person in the world. But why limit yourself to waiting for a person you might never meet? So many are denying themselves to fall in love with someone else and then end up dying alone because they never found their soulmate."

Tink pouted in front of you. This was a tired conversation, one that was repeated every few weeks much to the chagrin of your other crewmates. But a controversial topic was always a great topic for a group such as yourselves.

"I'm not denying myself the chance to fall in love! I'm denying ever feeling heartbroken over someone who doesn't matter!" Tink tried to argue back, but you just groaned in response.

"And if you never meet the one? You'll just live and die without ever letting yourself even get a taste of what it is you're chasing." Tink glared, knowing it was futile to keep going, but the pink of her cheeks told you that the grog in her system was trying to get her to keep fighting.

It was then that a familiar tall figure caught your eye. There was your beloved captain Crocodile, trying to sneak behind everyone's back to grab another bottle for himself.

Crocodile was never much one for festivities, at least not one 'undeserved' as he might put it. While there was no battle won to celebrate, the night sky was clear and the waters calm; in the Grand Line, shouldn't that be enough to be happy about?

However tonight you weren't going to let him sneak booze and hide from the crew.

"Cap'n!" Apparently the grog was getting to you as well. "Come over here and help me crush Tink's dream of a soulmate!" You laughed as Tink gasped at your audacity. The rest of your company seemed more or less happy with how the night was going, but your captain was still less than enthused to join.

"If this is the same soulmate debate you've been going on about for the past 3 years, I will pass again. You already know my feelings on the matter." Crocodile's deep voice reverberated across the deck of the ship. Even if he wasn't giving orders, he still commanded the attention of everyone within earshot.

He gave a long drag of the bottle in his hand, and then turned to walk away. However you felt it was your duty as first mate to pester your captain into spending casual time with his crew.

"I may know your opinion, but would you be so kind and gracious to remind the rest of the crew? Perhaps?" You called out to the dark coat trying to run from the party, and saw him pause, then turn to walk back.

You could see some of the newer additions to the crew cower. You didn't blame them, Crocodile was an imposing figure, and was developing a infamous reputation as a pirate on the Grand Line. But he was your captain, and he would never hurt his crew, this you knew.

"If I ever met my soulmate," Crocodile began, "I assume it would be when I attempt to kill them." He took another sip from his bottle. This was one of the rare moments he was not puffing a cigar you suddenly realize. It made his face look younger, as though he was actually a man in his 20s as he claimed he was.

As though he knew you were thinking of him, Crocodile made eye contact with you. "When I realize I can't kill them, I'll call out for you." You felt your heart skip a beat. "Then you can finish them for me."

It was purely the grog's fault for making your face warm. The lack of a sea breeze was also suddenly apparent. But you couldn't be flustered, not when you were the one who asked for this answer.

You smiled, doing your best to brush off the tension. You were still maintaining eye contact with him after all. "Well there you have it. Not exactly the opinion I remember, but I hope I can live up to your expectations, Cap'n."

Crocodile nodded, then told you all to start to sober up or get to bed. "I don't need a crew of drunks on the Grand Line, or else we will never make it to the New World."

Your crew began to disperse and you went below deck to your cabin. You really hadn't had much to drink that night, yet your chest felt tight.

You thought you had learned your lesson, but no. Even after promising yourself you wouldn't, you became attached to your crew. Even after your last one fell apart. Even after you watched your first captain, your savior, be executed, you fucked up and dove straight into a different crew expecting it to be different.

You laid down in your bed, staring at the ceiling, the world slightly spinning. Suddenly all you can think about is when you met Croc.

-

It was little more than 3 years ago now, wasn't it? A whole 3 years since Roger died. The weight is still heavy in your chest, but not nearly as devastating as it was in Logue Town that day. You were a wreck, physically and emotionally.

After watching the execution, you were too heartbroken to join the others in pursuit of the One Piece. Your world has just officially ended, the crew was technically already disbanded, but now there was no hope of getting it back.

You ended up in some local bar. No one recognized you, and in the haze of all the excitement following Roger's death, why would they? You had just been some nobody apprentice who happened to stick on his ship after Roger saved your life.

But your sorrow did catch someone's eye.

You sat at the counter of this dive bar in Logue Town, mindlessly stirring whatever number drink sat in front of you now. You had run out of tears, and sat stuck in some frozen state of grief.

However, this sad portrait of yourself did not seem to deter someone from sitting next to you.

You paid them no mind, just staring into empty space, not enough energy to even remember you were still alive.

"You were a member of the Pirate King's crew weren't you?"

A deep voice rattled from the stranger, but it was his words that really caught your attention.

"How'd you figure?" You had paused your stirring at first, but now focused on your drink to avoid eye contact. You were a mess, you could feel your puffy eyes, and were still sniffling every so often.

"There's no reason anyone in this town should be sad that someone like him died. So, you must have known him, right?" The deep voice continued, and you could feel their eyes staring, but didn't have the strength to meet them.

"Well, you caught me. Going to take me in and see if you can get a reward? I'm afraid you won't find any posters of me though. I tended to get lost in the crowd, you could say." After that statement you finally grasped the glass in front of you and decided to knock back what was left. If this was the end of your little pirating career, so be it. It can die with Roger.

"Will you join my crew?"

Your head snapped up at that, and you finally looked up at the stranger.

Long black hair was slicked back to show all the sharp features of the man's face. A strong square jaw, a prominent, perfect nose, and pale, piercing eyes, hooded by thin black eyebrows. Undoubtedly, even in your drunken haze, you were sure sober you would agree the man was handsome.

After a moment to take in this stranger all you could manage was a "Excuse me?"

He smiled - no, smirked - and pulled a cigar out from his coat. "I could use someone with your experience on my crew." He carried on, as if you were discussing the weather outside. He lit the cigar with a lighter you hadn't noticed him pull out. Perhaps it was the booze, but looking at this guy, he almost seemed… fuzzy, around the edges.

"Having someone who once worked for the Pirate King should help me become the next Pirate King."

The stranger took a long drag from his cigar, then exhaled over the counter. You didn't know where the barkeep was now, but at the moment, it felt like you and him were the only people in the building.

You should be mad. Enraged at the audacity of someone to come up to you on the worst day of your life, and to ask you to work for them. But you felt nothing.

No. That wasn't right. You did feel something.

You chuckled. Giggled even. A small laugh that built up till you were laughing, nearly hysterically. You hadn't felt like this sort of light headed elation in a long time, and it was nice.

After taking a moment to catch your breath you finally looked back at the stranger. He didn't look upset at your reaction. He just kept smoking his cigar, waiting for an answer.

"I'm afraid I didn't catch your name."

"I am Sir Crocodile, captain of the Neverland Pirates."

"Hmmm. Well, Sir Crocodile, I can tell you now that you have no chance of being Pirate King." You smirked back at him, propping your head up on your hand as you leaned against the counter.

This response still didn't bother the man. If anything, you swore he almost seemed… satisfied by your answer. Perhaps he knows what's coming next.

"I can help you out on the Grand Line and maybe help you get to the New World, but I promise," you leaned in towards this captain, staring him down. "You will never be the man Roger was. No one will."

Yet Crocodile was unperturbed.

"So you'll join my crew?"

You leaned back and reassessed your empty glass. You cast a quick glance at the bar and then back at the other pirate.

"Sure. I don't have anything better to do anyways."

-

You thought back in Logue Town you could never feel the same way about Crocodile's crew that you felt with Roger's, but you were always the fool. Now you are attached.

Now you need a reason to leave.

You couldn't waste your time or your heart with them. You had already died once with Roger, and if you stayed any longer you know you could never leave alive. You got up from bed - still plenty tipsy you swayed over - to your dresser.

Middle drawer, back left, underneath some no longer worn t-shirts was a small box. You opened it.

There were several small scraps of paper. Vivre cards.

As a child on Roger's boat, you were ecstatic to learn about vivre cards. A simple way to know the people you loved were alive and safe, and be able to find their exact location? It was too good to be true.

When you remember the feeling of Roger's paper burning in your hands at his execution, you knew the reality of vivre cards.

Your fingertips gently sorted through the papers you had made for some of Roger's crew. Each had a tiny name written in a corner. Shanks, Buggy, Ray, Gaban, Oden, and a few others of people who had been most important to you.

Maybe you could leave this crew and seek out the others. Rayleigh had always said he would retire at Sabaody, and your crew was bound to get there soon, hopefully in a couple months. The ache in your chest; you missed your old family. This could be the excuse you needed.

With a heavy sigh you closed the box and hid it away again. Sleeping on it would be good. Sleeping away the booze would also be nice.

Maybe then the tears would stop silently slipping down your face.

-

It turns out the excuse of seeing your old crew was unneeded. The news coo was kind enough to drop a reason to leave directly in your lap.

You stared at the newspaper for a long moment. The sinking feeling in your gut still did not go away.

You walked up to the bow where Crocodile was standing. He stared at the horizon as you approached the next island, Water 7.

"Captain."

Crocodile turned to look at you, face neutral, signature cigar in his mouth.

"Morning. The news any good?"

"They want to make you a Warlord."

Your own feelings were swept under the rug as your crewmates overheard. Instantly the deck was buzzing, the news spreading and making the once sleepy, slightly hungover crew come back to life.

"This is perfect!" The helmsman Diat yelled, a grin wide on his face. "Not only do we get the Marines off our back, it's recognition that we are some of the strongest pirates on the Grand Line!"

You would have laughed at him if not for the ice in your chest. Similar celebratory remarks were made all around you, but you didn't have the strength to pretend this was good news to you.

All you could feel was an icy feeling on your back, right where you had a large scar that tore up a long faded tattoo. But time could not get rid of the mark you could never forget about, no matter how much you wanted to.

Amid the spontaneous party you finally turned back to Crocodile. Amidst it all, he was still only looking at you.

Your words were quiet compared to the raucous around you, but your captain heard you just fine.

"If you become a Warlord I'm leaving the crew."

A couple of nearby crew gasped, heads whipped in your direction and murmurs quickly took place of all the yells.

Instantly protests, people yelling your name, yelling their arguments, but it all fell on deaf ears as you stared down your captain.

Tink of all people knew it was futile to argue with you, and turned to the man of the hour. "Captain! You can't just let your first mate leave!"

Before she could continue, Crocodile interjected. "You never planned on making me King of the Pirates, right? So you never planned on staying on this ship anyways."

This evoked even more protests from the crowd. Many of them weren't sure what you two were talking about, and some had begun to yell again.

The sounds were starting to be overwhelming, and this was not a conversation that required the whole crew anyways.

"That's enough from everyone!" You yelled over the cacophony. The crew went quiet. "This is a conversation for me and the captain, the rest of you need to beat it! Do something useful, we will make a port soon."

The crowd was not placated in the least, but it was true the ship would be docked soon, and there were things that needed to be prepared beforehand.

"You heard them. Get back to work." Crocodile finished your command, and the crowd dispersed. You knew they would still be listening, but it didn't stop you.

"I refuse to be part of a crew that works alongside the Marines. If you become a Warlord you automatically become their dog - then you may as well be a dog of the celestial dragons." Your tongue burned even at the mention of the world nobles.

Crocodile took a long drag of his cigar. He looked away from you and sighed an exhale of smoke, then dragged his line of sight back to you.

"I haven't decided yet."

You bristled at this. "Are you suggesting they already offered this to you? And I had to find out through a newspaper?"

Crocodile took yet another drag, and you lost your patience with his nicotine addiction. "Answer me Crocodile."

Your captain sighed through his nose this time, some of the smoke reaching you, a familiar smell after all these years. It once may have been a nice fragrance, knowing your captain was near, but now it blinded you and stoked your anger.

"We are almost to Water 7. Let's save it for there."

-

Tensions were high, especially between you and Crocodile, when your mood worsened when he disappeared while you oversaw the docking. But you docked. You got the crew into a hotel. During this time the crew began splitting into sides, which was not something you had anticipated. But you ignored it all until finally, Crocodile returned and you cornered him into in a room alone with you.

He had no cigar, and you had no drink in hand. It was a painfully sober room.

Crocodile sighed and slumped into an armchair. He dragged his eyes across the room till they met yours. You refused to look away this time, jaw set with determination to stand your ground.

"I don't want to be the Marine's dog," Croc began. "But they offered me a deal."

"The deal that our crimes are excused? Big whoop, as long as we don't get caught it's almost the same."

"No," he sighed, a large ring covered hand dragging down his face in exasperation. "A deal to help take down Whitebeard."

That got you silent. For a moment, as you recalled every time you saw Roger and Whitebeard exchange blows and fight for days on end.

"You? Take down Whitebeard?" You laughed, but it was a dry and bitter thing. "Your bounty is $81 million berries. Your devil fruit is great and all, but it is by no means fight and beat Whitebeard good. Even if Newgate was without his crew, our entire crew would be wiped off the map. You've lost it if you truly believe that this is achieveable."

Crocodile glared from across the room. Not his usual, perpetual glare, but a genuine, freeze you in your tracks ice cold glare.

He stood up, all 8 feet imposing over you as he stalked across the room. "I have let you say plenty of cruel things to me, but this may cross the line."

But you were his first mate and you couldn't fear him if you were supposed to talk sense into him. "Cross the line? I'm not the one who is making deals with the Navy so I can sail us to our deaths at the hands of Whitebeard!" You were yelling now, no, roaring at your foolish headstrong captain.

"If you take that ship and that crew as it is now to the New World to fight Whitebeard and his sons, no one will come back alive!" Your heart was on fire with rage and frozen in fear. Rage at your captain, who is very much overestimating his abilities. Fear for your crewmates who have no idea what sort of danger their captain was going to put them in.

Crocodile was now truly enraged on the same level as you. He sneered down at you as he suddenly grabbed you by the neck - much to your shock. "I wanted you there to see me become the next Pirate King. But if you can't support me for this, one of the biggest moments in my life since I've been a pirate, then I have no need for you anymore."

With his free hand he opened the door that was behind you. A group of Marines walked in with cuffs ready. "To sweeten the deal, what better than to give a former Roger pirate to the Navy?"

You felt all the blood drain from your face, as fear for your own well being finally pierced your heart. You looked up at Crocodile, and you could feel tears begin to creep at the corner of your eyes. "You never fail to surprise me, Captain."

"Well done Sir Crocodile." One of the Marines spoke, and you could tell from their uniform it was a Vice Admiral, though you didn't recognize them.

"A public execution of a Roger's pirate should be a grand way to ring in your instatement as Warlord."

You felt the world slow down around you and felt Crocodile's grip on your neck slip at the Marine's sentencing.

Crocodile began to speak, "That was not what we agreed on," But your ears had begun to ring.

Growing up on the Oro Jackson, you had picked up some neat tricks. You found out you were hopeless with the color of observation haki, but had a special knack for color of arms. Perfect against those darn logia fruit users.

In a blink of an eye you ripped Crocodile's arm away from your neck and you made a mad dash past him. And jumped straight through a window, glass and all.

You could vaguely hear a commotion behind you as Marines ran after you, but it was lost with the ringing in your ears.

You could hear and feel your heartbeat, pounding throughout your body as you ran through the endless alleys and canals of Water 7. You could feel tears pierce through the wind rushing past your face as you ran, desperately with no objective.

All you could think about was the way the heat of Crocodile's hand felt on your neck, the cold metal of the rings that had pressed against your pulse.

Have you ever really touched Crocodile before?

…

You missed him. You didn't understand why. He had just betrayed you - fucking hell, he was just handing you over to the Navy as part of his deal to become a warlord, but god. You wanted to be with him anyways. You're not sure how long you've been in love with him; his sharp eyes, the smell of his cigars, the rings on his hands, but gods above.

You had fallen in love with Crocodile.

In your realization you slowed down. Your legs and lungs burned, you were gasping for air and not just because you had been running.

Has it always been this dark? When did the day leave you behind?

You now stood in some nondescript alley, dimly lit a golden hue by windows that lined it. It was a long alley, each end blocked by canals. How you arrived there you weren't certain. But you weren't alone.

At one end sand had appeared. And from it stepped your dear, awful captain Crocodile. You both stared at each other, both of you panting for breath.

"I didn't want it to be like this." Crocodile's voice cuts through the air to you. You knew you should run. But for some reason you couldn't find the strength.

"I didn't know they would execute you. I imagined they would send you to Impel Down." Crocodile continued to speak. You just stood there and listened as he walked towards you.

As you watched him, there was a strange look on his face. You've seen it before but still didn't know what it meant.

He stopped walking ten feet in front of you. The light was still too dim to see him clearly, but it was fine. You knew his face well enough.

"I won't let the Navy kill you. Not after what the nobles did to you, it feels wrong." You had never told Crocodile what the scar on your back was. It didn't feel like it mattered anymore.

"I think I'll feel better about this if I'm the one who kills you."

You knew this was coming. The second you saw him at the end of the alley. But you agreed with him. If you had to die at someone's hands, you would pick Crocodile over anyone else. Even if it meant he didn't feel the same about you, it didn't matter anymore. You were so tired.

It would be nice to see Roger again.

But then Rayleigh's face flashed in your mind. You still had to pay him a visit. You still had to visit Wano to see Oden. You wanted to see Shanks and Buggy find the One Piece.

You couldn't see Roger just yet.

So, in a sudden scramble, you turned around and ran.

The ground where you had been standing suddenly crumbled. You felt a gasp finally escape your lungs as you realized you almost gave up. But not yet. You had to save your crew too.

Then you finally ran out of luck. The dim light hid a hole in the cobblestones and you fell to the alley ground. You quickly twisted your body just in time to see Crocodile's scythe of sand arc straight towards you.

It hits you right in the chest, and crumbles to dust.

Confused, you run your hands through the sand that has landed on your lap. You're not cut in half - instead you just have sand all over you.

Crocodile change his mind? He was letting you go? Thoughts and heart still racing, you looked up at him.

Oh.

Oh no.

The horror on his face was plain to see - that was supposed to be a killing blow.

But he didn't hurt you.

Your hand jumped to your neck from when he grabbed you earlier. But in retrospect, you had just been shocked by the action, he hadn't harmed you.

Crocodile didn't hurt you.

No.

Crocodile couldn't hurt you.

Because he was your soulmate.

It was the look on his face that hurt you the most. The disgust, anger, horror - this man did not want a soulmate. He did not want you. So why bother sticking around?

You scrambled back to your feet. Even if he couldn't hurt you, the Marines still could.

So, with blurry eyes and a heavy heart, you ran away.

Faintly, you heard a painfully familiar voice call your name, but then all that was left was the wind as you ran.

pt. 2 (if you want, but this might be better as a one shot)

[mrrpkie]

i don't know how to introduce this AU, but, it's been infesting my brain ever since i made it and I'm going to go INSANE if i don't share this. say hi to

AXOLOTL'S MESSENGER AU

more info under cut;;

this idea came to me in a dream. quite literally. the brain is a wonderful organ (is it bad that i created a whole au because of a dream. Is that something i should be concerned about)

anyways,

meet PISCIS ROSEUS .

which, PLEASE correct me if im wrong, translates to pink fish in latin! as the name of the au suggests, Roseus is basically The Axolotl's messenger. kind of?

the au takes place after weirdmageddon, and instead of Bill being in the theraprism, The Axolotl decides that he should be revived and put back into Gravity Falls. just... under supervision, that is. Roseus is The Axolotl's creation (is NOT the Axolotl themself), and is essentially Bill's guardian. The Axolotl can view through Roseus' third eye and communicate with them through it, seen here

Bill, on the other hand, is very much irritated that he constantly has to be baby-sat by a pink, frilly salamander— let alone their creation that, for some reason, looks like him. The Axolotl thought it was a good idea to make Roseus have a similar appearance to Bill so they could connect with each other more easily. (Bill absolutely DESPISES it)

The Axolotl gives them insight on what to do, maybe some advice or guidance.

what makes it even worse for Bill is that his powers have been revoked, and can only float around... with some limitations.

additional information can be seen here: [1] — [2] — [3]

[farahtissaiamyloves]

Hii, This is my first time asking for a request! If your not taking requests please ignore this. I love your writing by the way! <3 lady lesso x reader, I was wondering if you could do a part 2 Of im not a child anymore. Maybe they would have to hide there relationship. And lesso being head over heels for the reader. TY<3

I'm not a child anymore - part 2

Hi !!! Thanks for doing this request. I hope to receive more of your wonderful ideas in the future:)

Part 1

It was not entirely forbidden.

Both of you were evil and professors. However, in order for your relationship to be considered appropriate, you needed time.

Time that both of you were tired of giving.

It was one of the only times you considered your special ability as a true gift.

You could wait for her to walk through a deserted corridor and sneak up to her from behind.

You didn't know how, but Leonora always seemed to know wherever you were to tackle her and was fast enough to grab you and press you against the wall.

The redhead through the years of her education had taken lots of height, resulting in her looming over you.

" Naughty girls need to be punished. " She would whisper sensually before kissing you senseless and then lead you to the closest of your chambers.

You were the oldest, but it was clear as day who was wearing the pants in your relationship.

Leonora was over the moon.

She had been dreaming about it for ages, you sitting on her lap, you playing with her hair, you kissing her cheek, you still asleep (preferably naked) in her arms.

She wanted everything.

EVERYTHING from you.

The innocent and the dirty things.

She wanted to be able to wrap her hand around your waist, showing off to everyone.

She wanted to be able to gaze at you lovingly whenever you disciplined a student with a little more violence than necessary.

How much did Leonora love watching you asserting your dominance (on other people's expense) or you using violence.

You were the angel of darkness (literally, that's what everybody called you), yet Leonora wouldn't hesitate a single second to name you the goddess of beauty, as she found you prettier than the night sky itself.

You were both in love. So in love.

And you were both forced to hide it. Hide your mutual attraction, and your flirtatious little comments needed to be greatly diminished, especially with either the dean of good or Leonora's 'friend', aka Clarissa Dovey.

One day, both you and Leonora decided to take a walk around the castle grounds, under the protection of the night and the magnificent moonlight, creating such a unique and romantic atmosphere.

You were leaning against her right arm, half asleep because the previous night you slept for approximately one hour (the dean of good forced you to stay awake, claiming that she suspected one of your students was stealing from one of hers - she was so disappointed when she was proven wrong).

Leonora had placed her hand in a way to allow you to lean on her while also propelling you forward.

You yawned, closing your eyes and allowing your secret girlfriend to walk you around.

Leonora kissed the top of your head, continuing walking but changing direction.

" Where are we going ? " You asked too lazy - and bored - to open your eyes.

" We are going to put you back to bed. " Leonora half laughed, not able to understand how you were unable to even think.

You hummed, wrapping your hands around her waist and resting your head on her shoulder. " I see... "

There was long silence while Leonora was making sure that neither of you was going to fall off.

" Will you sleep with me ? Please ? " You whined, kissing her shoulder-blade.

Leonora patted your back and left a kick kiss on your forehead. " You know that you don't even have to ask. "

You made a celebrating sound before stopping abruptly. Leonora immediately followed suit.

You pointed at her right. " I think your friend Dovey is hiding there. "

The never professor raised an eyebrow. " It can't be, she's not very fond of walking around the school at night. "

" LEONORA FUCKING LESSO. YOU ARE VERY WELL AWARE THAT ALL OF US ARE FORBIDDEN TO BRING OUR LOVERS IN SCHOOL GROUNDS, MUCH MORE DURING THE SCHOOL YEAR. YOU INSOLE- " Dovey stopped midsentence realizing who was in Leonora's hands.

You turned to face her - still glued on your lover's body. " You done ? "

Clarissa swallowed hard. She was - for a first time in a really long while - speechless.

" Well, if that's the case, then I better go to bed. You, evers, wasted enough of my time with your stupid ideas and even more useless and boring opinions. " You waved her off, turning your back at her.

Leonora smirked, interlocking your hands together as she waved mockingly goodbye to Clarissa.

" Oh, before I forgot. Mention anything of this to your annoying Dean, and you will suddenly lose your ability to breathe. " You added like it was no big deal.

Little Dovey was slowly tearing up. Both you and Leonora had graduated which meant...

The girl turned around and practically run back to the school for good.

Little did she know that both of you and your lover were laughing your asses at the sight of her disheveled state.

[suffarustuffaru]

ok now that i caught up on a few asks (ill be back later!!) i got an awful awful omegaverse detail to share. i really like the omegaverse au rezero takes on here, yall have such interesting ideas. but okay i got one—

otto should be an alpha.

OKAY now hear me out for a second. i 1000% agree that otto being a beta makes absolute perfect sense. even though his personality is kinda loud sometimes, hes usually just kinda There. you know? hes always in the support role and he usually doesnt draw attention to himself. always stuck in the background and in the shadows 👍 he also wants a nice comfortable life. hes wanted to fit in throughout childhood. he takes care not to make others hate him (unless hes being impulsive/reckless). etc etc.

he knows that he fits the beta role to a T. thats why if he was anything BUT a beta, he’d be pretending to BE a beta.

this is because otto being an alpha exacerbates all the issues he develops by the time you get to arc 8. because otto is THE worst person to be an alpha. he doesnt fit the stereotype and the usual alpha at all. hes not very powerful. hes easy to make fun of and humiliate. hes not very dominant either. he tries to say all sorts of stuff in arc 8 and assert his place there and more than half the time he gets shrugged off because hes being dumb and no ones gonna do some of the shit he says. hes got a gazillion different complexes now about being useless and about being Secondary and he gets desperate so hes like “well i can walk in darkness though. im useful!! i swear!! this is what i can do!! everyone else is wrong!!”

so of course otto would pretend hes not an alpha because he is The complete opposite of what the “perfect” alpha should be. as hes growing up he would be like judged for that sort of thing, you know? and then he’d decide its more convenient to go on blockers or whatever and pretend to be a beta because betas are Normal. betas dont get noticed that much. not much is expected of you besides being the Support, right? depending on how you wanna interpret omegaverse politics wkdnd. and ottos like oh yeah. i wanna be seen as normal. and if i cant be a good alpha, if i cant be what an alpha should be, im gonna be a good alpha via playing the support role!! and theyll all know im dependable and useful and theyll need me and i can revel in the fact that they dont know im an alpha!! but im outplaying them!! i got them to need me!! my tactics have made ME the secret alpha controlling everything!! this is perfect!! im a good alpha!! i came out on top still!!! this is great!!

and then arc 8 comes along and it ruins everything and otto is back to being the absolute worst alpha of all time that everyone thinks is a beta anyway because hes 1. made this a self-fulfilling prophecy and 2. literally no one is gonna look at him and think “oh hes alpha material” after all this time. and after all his arc 8 shittery.

yeah so anyway then otto explodes with rage because his stupid alpha ass is like oughhhh ohhhhh ouhhhh my god im not in control anymore im not dependable anymore im not a good support anymore!!!!! no one takes me seriously!!!!! ill show them!!! ill show them all!!

also he probably thought of subaru as. as his omega. and subaru wouldnt even know because after all my good buddy pal otto is a beta 👍

[solei-eclipse]

wait . would solauri have a better chance as working out more romantically in the modern au . ?

( i would say maybe since the age gap isn’t so big and auri isn’t a total sociopathic freak . . if you think so too, id love to hear any silly little headcanons lol . )

( no im not doing this because im stressed about round 1 and really don’t want cirrus or azure to die what are you talking about haha ahaha . . ( sobs quietly in nonexistent corner with face in hands ) )

SOCIOPATHIC FREAK 😭 go easy on her now

I think it would definitely work out better than in the ALNSTverse for the reasons you mentioned but also because solei wouldn't be as stressed and people don't have to fight for their goddamn lives anymore!!!

Some thoughts!!!

Solei's first ever interaction with Auri in the park would be about pokemon. I'm so sorry. They're a loser who loves animals and biology and life so naturally. Pokemon nerd. When little Auri was in the park little Solei came up to them and showed her their pokemon cards. When they walked her home they gave Auri one of their cards: a Seel! (Also I take back what I said about them being 2 or 3 during their first meeting. I realize I was barely able to form any cohesive thought at that age so. I imagine they'd be 4 or 5 instead like what you originally suggested!)

Solei would knock on Auri's door everyday and ask Cas or Nyx if she could come out and play. Since Solei knows where she lives from when they walked together that day.

I'd imagine there weren't many people in the neighbourhood yet by the time Solei moved in (since you suggested the idea that Solei was one of the first). Since there weren't any other kids their age to play with, they stuck to each other pretty fast.

From the point on it was like glue!! Once Solei was old enough to ride a bike they'd visit Auri's every morning to head to school together (sorry I keep mixing the ALNST highschool AU together with the modern au but like. They would go to school right? Correct me if I'm wrong)

I hc they have a lot of matching clothes (matching sweaters, socks, shirts, etc)

Auri was a good star student but Solei was just around average, maybe even dropping below that at certain points. Maybe Auri would tutor them sometimes? (Ivan moment lol)

Auri likes to mess with Solei's hair and put it in ties and clips and stuff (based on one of your very first solauri doodles)! She's pretty good at it, but sometimes she'll do Lei's hair up really weird and stupid if she's feeling cheeky. Solei always keeps that hairstyle for the rest of the day no matter how stupid it looks.

Solei likes to woodcarve things for Auri all the time. It's kind of shitty and blocky and unrecognizable at first though so I don't know if Auri would keep it lol

Physical touch!! Auri likes physical touch, Lei is warm and loves warmth so they're happy with it! If they lie on the floor and Auri drapes herself on them horizontally (they'd be making a plus sign shape basically) then Solei would use their hands to play drums on her back. You know like. patpatpatpatpatpatpat. complete with cymbal sound effect. Because they're a loser.

Auri dresses in nice clothes most of the time (I think, usually in rock's sketches she's wearing pretty dresses) and in contrast to that Solei's fashion sense is just. Pajamas. Not joking they'd literally show up to places in their pajamas. Easygoing but at what cost.

When they do decide to change into something more appropriate, it still carries the vibe of pajamas. They like loose and comfortable clothing, stuff like big sweaters with wide open collars and soft baggy pants. Even their school uniform carries this carefree vibe since they forego the blazer and just wear the white button-up (that isn't even completely buttoned. Imagine till's school uniform with the orange undershirt, that's basically Solei). I'd imagine Aurien would be more clean and put together? Though maybe Solei would encourage her to loosen up and do whatever makes her comfortable.

Solei is (suprisingly) popular? They have a lot of friends at school. Definitely the type to say "okay I'm going now bye guys!" and then spend another 10 minutes yapping with others. Very "mom can we go home now" vibes from Aurien during this time.

If Aurien was feeling upset about something, Solei would take her someplace quiet and encourage her to tell them about it. They'd always make sure to carry something nice in their pocket to suprise her afterward, like candy or another wood carving or a flower they found.

Auri does her homework on her room desk and when she turns around to look at her bed solei has materialized out of nowhere to sleep on it. you know. instead of doing homework

When they're older, Solei would work at a zoo/animal shelter and would text Auri pictures of animals that reminded them of her

They would probably also have each other as profile pictures

I do apologize for this fact, I know it's an excruciating and annoying character trope, but solei is in fact a dense bastard. I'm so sorry. they'd have no idea. stay strong auri

[undergroundbillions]

I SEEN YOUR POST,,, AND I CAME!! i have a couple of questions abt some history with merchandise and whatever (unless you guys made a post abt the hallmark raggedies alread) ! :)

1. So do you guys have any history or insight of the Hallmark raggedies? If so id like to hear, im a big fan of the hallmark branch of the raggedies!!!

2. Do you guys have any fun hcs? If so what are they!

My example of one is: i hc Ann making dresses and skirts for her friends!! Or even Henny hating bugs but he collects them for his bug collection lol

3. Why do you guys even care about Rag Dolly in the first place? What made you guys want to find it AND want to revive it? Was it a personal project or better yet a fan project put up together by fans (aka the mods aka aka you guys, i think unless im wrong lol)

You guys are cool and im excited to hear any other updates on the revival of Rag Dolly, yall are so cool and talented,, can't wait to see what you guys do in the future!!! Keep it up guyss!

Ok! Here we go!

We don't know much specifically about Hallmark. At that point, Bobbs-Merrill was in charge of the licensing of Raggedy Ann images and books, while the family was still in charge of the dolls. Hallmark licensing began in 1969 and continued throughout the 70's. They published the cardbooks, which came with tiny dolls (which for licensing purposes don't actually count as dolls, but rather as other toys). And the pop-up-book records, stationary, and lots of random little things. Big company buys lucrative licensing and puts it on everything for a few years, that's the story!

Oh man when I ask for hc questions I mostly mean ones *about* headcanons, I'm bad at open ended questions like that lol. But here's a few I've been thinking about recently: I think Marcella has regular fainting spells when she gets exhausted. This doesn't really transfer to the dream but it happens in real life. Ann and Andy's seams and faces are all wobbly because Poppa's too often drunk to sew straight lines. This isn't a hc because technically it's canon to Gibson's writing but Poppa made Marcella a little toy boat from wood scraps and that's where the inspiration for the boat in her dreams comes from.

What got most of us interested in the musical was the video by CollinLooksBack going over what little was known about the show at that time (2019). At that point, we knew about the movie already. If you want to know more about the little details of the time before RARE specifically was founded, I've written up a timeline on our website! (And I plan on expanding it) Idk what the difference is between a personal project and a fan project in this case? We thought the show was interesting, and liked the music, so we decided to start looking for it! The organizers are all theater people, the majority of us went to school for theater and plan on working in it. We knew we had the background and resources to make an actual revival happen. Specifically the founder, Gwyn, who has certain legal and industry connections that are making things go a lot smoother. But really, we never thought we'd get this far, we weren't thinking this deeply about it. It was 2021, we all needed something to do and people to talk to. None of the organizers knew each other, though a few early members were mutuals from the 1977 movie and other fandoms. It just slowly got more serious and we continue to take it more and more seriously the farther we get. Most importantly, all of the main founders have deep personal connections to the story. We have all suffered illness and loss of loved ones. I mean I literally discovered the show like two months after my mom died I don't think you can get much more fated than that. We like the show, it means something to us, and we think it deserves a second chance in it's actual intended form and not as a huge broadway spectacle. It's literally still popular in Russia, why shouldn't it be popular here?

-𝕸𝖔𝖉 𝕲𝖊𝖓𝖊𝖗𝖆𝖑 𝕯.

[i-am-autistic]

I feel like if you have any media literacy at all you should know Jancy is very likely endgame.

You can read my posts and see I'm not even a hardcore Jancy or anything I lean more Jargyle. It's just like........

1. The writers like their original pairings from s1 a lot. Mike-El/Will(Im pro Byler, yes Will isn't present in s1 but Mike spends like 90% of the season moaning and talking about him- for the sake of this post El/Will are interchangeable), Jonathan-Nancy, Joyce-Hopper and then they also like Max-Lucas. All 4 of these couples have been presented as romantic since the pitch bible and from their first interactions.

2. S4 was all about division and how the characters lose when divided. They really focused on the absence of Jancy in s4. Hence they are building to an s5 with a lot of Jancy. We also got s4 featuring the other 2 main couples: Jopper and Lumax so it's probably going to switch to the other 2 couples to finish it off and wrap up the relationship and character arcs. The duffers really really love the whole story beat of "break the characters up and then show them coming back together". You can tell because this is exactly what they did with Jopper and Lumax in s4. Jopper obviously had a physical distance that broke them up but Lumax had an emotional distance. The same things Jancy and Mileven/Byler are bringing into s5. Arguably you could even say Byler went through this in s4.

3. Cmon bro the final scene where Nancy RUNS to Jonathan and Robin pats Steve's back is the most obvious thing of all time. People bring up the script and that it wasn't a big moment in the script but those scripts are redacted as hell to avoid giving out more information.

4. Jonathan and Steve had a pretty clear parallel this season when talking about having kids in the future. Jonathan and Steve essentially come to the same vision for their futures but both decide differently. Jonathan hates it and Steve loves it. We also know from s1 and every piece of info we've got about Nancy since s1 that Nancy also hates it and doesn't want to raise a bunch of kids. Yes I know it's possible to pursue a career and have kids. But kids in this situation and the vision Steve have don't only represent kids but also represent her parents and their relationship. Which is what the show has always told us Steve represents to her and in everything we saw in s4 he hasn't developed into this new person, he still represents that. Even if the character himself has still improved he still represents that.

5. As soon as Stancy is introduced in s4 we also get introduced to the fact that Nancy isn't over Barb and Barb will still be a part of her arc. Which she pretty inextricably links to Steve.

6. This is the one people don't realize often but s4 is literally maybe 5(?) months after the end of s3. Taking place in March 86 with S3 ending Oct 85 and about 8 months after the end of s3. Steve has seemingly had literally 0 contact with Nancy in that time and doesn't fall for her again in s4. He's already fantasizing about her as he says so it's presented as a continuation of the feelings he's always had for her and he seemingly isn't as over her in s3 as was implied. If the writers are going to write that relationship, they are essentially saying they were wrong, the characters were wrong and the audience was wrong about the relationship.

7. This is kind of a half point expansion of the above but like.....seriously it's important that none of the feelings in s4 are new feelings, it's all old feelings for a relationship the writers have told us 1 million times doesn't work. I keep seeing people say "they are different people" but they aren't that different from when they broke up. Steve's actual in show character arc has always been a lot more revolving around Nancy than it is about his relationship with Robin or the kids. Like as much as the fandom is about Steve and the kids and it's cute(And I like this too! I don't dislike this) in the show when he becomes friends with Dustin it's all tied back to Nancy with that final Dustin-Nancy scene and the relationship literally being developed with Steve ranting about his relationship. S3 his relationship with Robin in the original version is written as a romantic one as he gets over Nancy. Even in the show for 90% of s3 it seems Steve looks at Robin as a romantic partner and then switches to friends when she's not available. I think people forget he's not actually babysitting the kids in his off time in the show-the fandom is cute and such- but I don't think he spends significant time with anyone except Dustin and Robin in the show. This is moreso a point about how the writers of the show are kinda poor at evolving the characters. But seemingly the way it was presented in s4 Nancy and Steve are essentially in an incredibly similar position to when they broke up in s2.

8. Joyce in the recent play. Ok I need this to be said but like Emmerson vs NYU is a thing people make out as a bigger deal than it is. Emmerson is like an excellent university too??? Like IK people want Jonathan to be validated but he is getting validated by going to a big university. The university you pick when you're a kid doesn't really matter that much and seemingly even Jonathan hasn't brought it up. Like as a kid I wanted to go to my local uni a lot but I didn't go in the end. Emerson isn't like bumming it out it's a pretty great uni. But morseo I mean Joyce's whole arc in the First Shadow is about not going to university as an art student. They are surely not going to make her son do the exact same thing. This one is really simple I don't need to explain it.

9. I think Jopper literally solves like all of Jonathan's family issues because he won't feel as burdened and that he HAS to stay.

10. Oh as a final point I'm fairly certain Argyle with Eden in Suzie's house in s4 was supposed to be a backdoor pilot for a spinoff. And I think Jonathan's only other ending they've given so far is California. I think maybe they could include Jonathan in a spinoff but I don't think they'd want to. Like they've said they don't want to continue any mains story after s5 and Argyle is periphery enough he could leave and have a spinoff and it could work with an occasional Dustin cameo or whatver but with Jonathan I feel like he is a bit too tied to the Byers for him to be in a spinoff. Like you'd have to include the Byers too and I don't think they would want one that features central characters too much.

11. This is just my opinion.

[agaypanic]

Can I request alysssa from teotfw and it’s literally just the reader as James instead!! But the reader is ever so slightly more normal - literally go crazy I just thought that would be a cool idea!!

Two Girls and a Car (Alyssa Foley X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You and Alyssa, two rebellious loners, find each other at school and decide to date. Her being sick of her new family and you tired of your boring life, you decide to steal your dad’s car and skip town.

A/N: teotfw but make it sapphic>>> couple things, 1: this is based off the first episode (im using a script teehee) where reader is james with less murderous tendencies. 2: idk how good this is gonna be bc i usually write in second person, but bc of the show being told in first person perspectives, this is written in first person but only from reader’s pov. 3: if you couldn’t tell from my derry girl fics (or any other non-american media i write), im american so i dont really know english lingo or anything that well. 4: this could be a two parter?? Or maybe a series??? Lmk what yall think

***

I’m Y/n.

I’m seventeen.

And I’m pretty sure there’s something wrong with me. Like, really wrong.

When I was eight, I realized I didn’t have a sense of humor. At first, I thought that my dad was just the worst at jokes. And he is, probably. But nothing’s really amusing to me, and I don’t know why.

I’ve always wanted to punch my dad in the face. That seems like a problem, considering he’s my dad and all. But if you met him, you’d probably agree. Even if he looks all cheery and nice, he’s a bit of a prick.

When I was nine, my dad bought a deep-fat fryer he had seen on an American shopping channel. One day, I put my hand in it. I wanted to make myself feel something.

It worked, but only for a moment. Now I have a fucked up hand, all for a moment of feeling something.

I was in the cafeteria when I first met her. Alyssa. She was the new girl, and after shouting at her friends and smashing something on the ground, she made her way over to me. She stood right in front of me, staring me down.

“Hey.” I hear after taking off my headphones.

“Hey.”

“I’ve seen you skating.” I didn’t know how to respond. We stared at each other for a moment before she spoke again. “You’re pretty shit.”

“Fuck off.”

Alyssa was interesting, to say the least. After school, she found me again, sitting on a bench outside.

“Are you waiting for me?” She asked. I wasn’t; I just didn’t want to go home yet. But instead, I nodded, and she sat on the bench beside me.

The next thing I knew, we were making out. I didn’t really mind it. Alyssa was a bit of an aggressive kisser, but I had never really kissed anyone before, so I didn’t feel like complaining. 

I wonder if I could fall in love with Alyssa. Maybe not. But I could pretend.

She grabbed my hand and placed it on her boob, but then she pulled away.

“What happened to your hand?” Alyssa asked, gesturing to my fucked up hand that was on her tit. 

“Shut up.” I didn’t want to talk about it, and luckily, she didn’t feel like pressing. So I just switched hands, letting the messed up one grip at her sweater as we continued snogging. It was an okay way to pass the time, better than sitting at home. 

Eventually, we had to leave. So we just started walking. I don’t think either of us knew where we were going, so we just wandered down the middle of a vacant street. I would’ve ridden my skateboard, but apparently I was shit at it.

“I haven’t got a phone,” Alyssa said suddenly. 

“Okay.”

“I smashed it.” So that must’ve been what she’d thrown in the cafeteria today.

“Okay.” I could feel her look at me.

“Like, on purpose.” Did she want me to think she was crazy? Maybe she was, but I don’t think I had any room to judge her.

“Okay.” 

“So you can’t call me.” This time, she turned to me slightly as she spoke, like she was trying to invoke a reaction in me.

“That’s fine.” She seemed surprised that I had finally given a different response. “I don’t have a phone either.”

“Really?” Alyssa asked, turning to me again.

“Yeah. I hate them.” I didn’t see the point of them. Just like I didn’t see the point in this conversation. What did people in love talk about? “Wanna go on a date?”

***

She said yes. So I took her to a diner, one that was cheap but still looked nice and had decent food. But it didn’t last long. Alyssa had ordered a few things, and the waitress made a comment about how hungry she was. They both giggled, but Alyssa’s was more insincere.

“And an extra fucking spoon.” Alyssa finished off, setting the menu down. The waitress looked horrified.

“Excuse me?”

“For her,” Alyssa said, gesturing to me. I guess it was nice of her to think about me, but I didn’t feel like eating a banana split.

The waitress scoffed, closing her notepad.

“Sorry. You can’t use language like that. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to ask you and your friend to leave.”

“She’s my girlfriend.” Alyssa corrected.

“Fine, I’ll have to ask you and your girlfriend to leave.”

“Okay.” Her tone was mocking, and the waitress gave her a look. Alyssa sighed, seeming more sincere. “Okay, I’m sorry. Sorry.” The waitress seemed pleased, but that’s when it really went to shit. “I will have… a great big banana shit with extra fucking cherries all on top of it.”

“Right, yeah, that’s it. Marvin!” The waitress called back to the kitchen, where the only other person in this diner was. 

“Oh yeah!” Alyssa raised her voice, staring the woman down. “Go get Marvin! See if Marvin can make a banana split for me, you fucking cunt!” Then she grabbed her things and stormed out of the diner, slamming the door behind her. 

It was clear that Alyssa had a short fuse.

“Sorry about her,” I said. The waitress and I stared at each other for a minute before I grabbed my board and left. Alyssa was stomping down the street, so I used my skateboard to catch up. She had her usual deadpan expression when I got to her. “...You okay?”

“Shut up.” I didn’t feel like arguing. “God, I think we live in the most boring town on the planet.”

“Probably.”

“Everyone’s so fucking square.” She said with a huff. Then she looked at me. “Are you boring too?”

Probably.

“No.” 

We walked for a bit before Alyssa spoke again.

“Can we go to your house?”

***

I said yes. When we got to my place, Alyssa said my house was weird and had too many windows. I didn’t really notice until she brought it up. 

Alyssa likes to touch and grab things. I guess looking at it wasn’t enough for her, but it was starting to get on my nerves a bit.

“Is this your mum?” She asked, holding up a picture.

“Yeah.” I didn’t have to look at the photo to know it was her. I didn’t like looking at pictures of my mum anymore. “She lives in Japan.” She doesn’t.

“Cool.” Alyssa stared at the picture for a moment. “You look like her.”

I felt stiff after that. Alyssa didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she didn’t care enough to mention it.

Then the front door opened, and I felt even stiffer.

“Fuck.” I muttered. This day was shit. Before Alyssa could ask what was wrong, my dad’s voice bellowed from the hallway.

“The hunter has returned!”

When he saw Alyssa, he insisted on us sitting down for a cup of tea so we could all chat. I couldn’t remember the last time I sat down and had a chat with my dad, but I definitely didn’t want to start now. Dad sat at the head of the table while Alyssa and I sat across from each other.

“Well, this is nice!” My dad said. I could feel the idiotic smile radiating off of him.

“What is?” Alyssa asked. 

“This. You two.” Dad gestured to the two of us. I drank my tea so I wouldn’t have to say anything. He let out a laugh. “What a relief! You know, I always thought there was something wrong with her.” This was a good reminder of why I didn’t talk to my dad. “I thought probably she’d never like anyone, or would even… Well, you know. Which is fine, obviously. But, here you are.”

“Maybe she doesn’t,” Alyssa suggested. She was a very blunt and confrontational person. Maybe it was a good thing we met. “Maybe she’s asexual. Maybe I’m just bi-curious.” Alyssa leaned back in her chair and took a sip of her tea. “We’re dealing with a really broad spectrum these days.”

We fell into an awkward silence after that. The only sounds made were drinking and the occasional sniffle. Eventually, my cup was empty, but I wasn’t about to stick around for another.

“Let’s go to my room,” I said abruptly, standing up. Alyssa was hot on my heels, clearly also wanting to get away. Dad said goodbye to us, but neither of us answered.

When we got to my room down the hall, I shut the door and opened the window. I climbed through it to sit on the roof, and Alyssa sat beside me. We stared out of the neighborhood and the setting sun for a while.

“Your dad’s a prick.”

“I know.” I sighed, laying down and crossing my arms and ankles. I felt like I could be honest with her, like she wouldn’t judge me for whatever I said. “Sometimes, I feel like punching him in the face.”

“You should definitely do that.” She responded, lying down with me.

If you looked past the slight brashness, Alyssa was sort of… Sweet.

“Have you ever eaten a pussy before?”

Sort of.

“A couple.” It was a lie, but she didn’t have to know that.

“I want you to eat mine.”

“Now?” I lifted my head and looked around the roof that we were lying on. “Here?”

“Tomorrow.” She rolled her eyes, but there seemed to be a hint of amusement on her face. “And not on your roof. I’ll be here at eleven.”

Alyssa got up and crawled back through the window. I would’ve walked her out, but I didn’t want to get up. Or see my dad again. 

But when I sat up again, she was down below on the pavement, walking away.

“Alyssa!” I called out. She turned around, squinting up to look at me. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Y/n.”

***

I was ready at ten. I needed time to prepare. I figured the best place to give Alyssa head would be my bedroom, but I had to be ready for anything. For all I knew, she’d lay herself down on the table where we had tea yesterday. She seemed like she’d do that, to get back at my dad or something.

When it turned eleven, I sat on the couch and waited. I quickly grew restless, and I didn’t know why. I took out my pocket knife, fiddling with it to pass the time. My dad had gotten it for me when I was about twelve. Said it was a good tool to have on you, that you’d never know when you’d need it. I didn’t exactly use it for intended purposes. Mainly carving up shit in the house when I was bored or pissed. Either my dad didn’t notice or just didn’t want to say anything about it.

When twelve came around, I started to think Alyssa might not be coming. That I did all that waiting for nothing.

But then, at half past one, someone started pounding on the door.

“Y/n!” It was Alyssa.

As I walked to the door, I put the knife back in my pocket. I wondered what had taken Alyssa so long. But when I opened the door, I didn’t even get a chance to ask. She walked past me into the house, tossing her jacket on the floor.

As she stomped off to the living room, she started to take off her shirt. I quickly shut the door and followed after her. I found Alyssa sitting on the couch, head leaning all the way back and eyes closed. She must’ve been deep in thought.

“Come here.” She said, sitting up properly. I did as told, looking at her from the corner of my eye as I sat next to her.

“Did you still wanna…” I trailed off, clearing my throat as I gestured between us. “You know.”

“I dunno.” Alyssa sighed. That made me a bit relieved because I don’t know if I was in the mood to eat pussy now. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“I’m serious.” I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Alyssa not be serious. “Let’s leave this shithole town. Now. You hate it, I hate it. Our parents are dickheads. You’ve got a car.”

“It’s my dad’s.” But all the other reasons were very convincing. 

“Who’s a dickhead.” That was fair. “Look, I’m going whether you come with me or not. Are you in?”

I didn’t have to think about my answer. I hated everything about this place. I hated my dad, hated school. I was even starting to hate how many windows our house had. 

And I think I liked Alyssa, or at the very least tolerated her.

“Sure.”

Alyssa put her top and jacket back on, and I grabbed my shoes. Dad would be coming back any minute with groceries, so all we had to do was wait for him to pull into the driveway.

I heard the car pull in, and Alyssa followed me out the door. My dad was walking towards us, a huge stupid grin on his face as he saw us. 

Before I could even give it a second thought, I swung my fist at him. I punched him in the cheek, and he was quickly on the floor. I snatched the keys that flew out of his hand off of the ground, and soon, Alyssa and I were speeding out of my driveway.

“Are you scared?” She asked, a big smile on her face. It didn’t look as stupid on her as it usually did on anyone else. 

“I dunno. Maybe a little. ” I answer. “But my hand hurts a little.” My knuckles were throbbing. I had never punched someone before. “Are you? Scared?”

“No.”

I didn’t know where we were going, or if we’d ever come back. But I punched my dad in the face and stole his car. That felt like a good place to start.

[no-shxme]

since ive had people asking about it, here's

an overview of my writing process:

its very long (but split into 4 sections) so i will be posting it below the read-more. i fr threw up all over the post and it covers my writing process specifically. because i write unreliable narration >> canonic characters, etc this will prolly not be as useful for like, idk, crack fic writers or whatever else. basically this is what works for me. it might not work for you, but feel free to peruse, im sure no 2 writer's processes are exactly the same. (AND THATS COOL)

Step 1: The Idea & Start

usually my fic starts with a single scene/mood/line, and the whole fic is started around that. (for ex: my fic Teeth started bc of 1 set of lines that we haven't even gotten to yet. [sob]) this also helps me be more motivated, as i become pretty desperate to get that scene/mood/etc written. (as i write i often find new goalposts to write to, which helps keep me motivated, yeah)

occasionally i will write out an initial drabble (like 1 or 2 paragraphs) set in the story idea i have, just to see if i like whatever's going on before i commit.

before i start i decide my setting or at least whatever parts of the setting are relevant. (i wont go into it here bc that's not exactly process.) then i'm game to start.

i've heard a lot of writers struggle with starting a fic and ending it. starting a fic isn't usually a problem for me but if i don't like how the beginning is looking it's usually because i've started it too far away from relevant plot. i don't want to write too much beginning set up, so my solution is always to delete what i have and restart the scene closer to when something happens.

(for ex: when writing everything that went wrong over the summer, the story started earlier and was going to have kayn discover rhaast at the end of the first chapter. but halfway through i decided it was bad. i didnt want to reveal too much and it was kinda boring, became a slog of wordlbuilding. i hated it so i deleted it and instead we meet rhaast in literally the second paragraph.)

imo if you are having trouble with starting stories, literally just throw yourself into the action, its the best way to jog a stuck start. move up the timeline, make things move faster. ask yourself if you really need all the space before the action happens. this method also be used on other scenes, not just beginnings.

it's generally a good idea to figure out what the minimum amount of time you need to complete your story. (this plot that takes place over three weeks, can it be done in three days instead?) but i dont always do that for fanfiction, more my personal writing. fanfiction can be loose and slimy, thats okay. i'm not gonna stress myself over it like i do with my book lol. for me fanfiction is like a vacation. since the characters are already established i can be free to experiment stylistically and try new things.

Step 2: The Writing (The Slog)

(The longest section of this post)

I actually have SO many notes for my writing process so this will be all over the place.

Whenever I write ANYTHING my goals are the following:

keep things concise, without crazy exposition or information overloads.

to me writing is kinda like a puzzle, or a combination lock. i have a line or thought and i just continuously swap words around in my head or on a doc until something clicks. my goal is not just something that fits, it's something that fits BEST. (i am not always successful at this.) so yeah sometimes a line sounds good, but how do i make it sound BETTER. i am always thinking about lines. all the time. i am always turning a scene in my head trying to find the best angle. im literally doing it right now.

this is a stylistic choice that might not apply to everyone, but i love writing unreliable narrators and therefore always write them. in fanfiction i like trying to keep the characters close to their canon personalities, so a lot of the following advice is through that lens.

WHEN IT COMES TO PLOT:

by the time i write my first scene i usually have an idea of the ending. i'm not too terribly focused on it but i definitely prefer to know it. its just something i have to reach eventually. usually little plot ideas will start sprouting up like checkpoints between the start and the end, and then it's just the matter of figuring out how to bridge the gaps between them. one of my favorite tricks i like to use for longer or difficult plots is work backwards. (i call it Keyframing)

(for ex: let's say i'm writing a story about a knight who marries a dragon, but i can't figure out how the hell that's gonna happen. an easy way to come up with ideas is think: what's 1 thing that has to happen between the start goal (there's a knight) and the ending (married to a dragon)? it could be something simple. the knight has to get to the dragon's lair before he can get married. okay, great, there's another plot checkpoint. now what's 1 thing that has to happen between the start and getting to the lair? and also what's 1 thing that has to happen between getting to the lair and getting married?

as you keep adding 1 thing to the plot between points, it basically writes itself, or gives you a very good list of things that HAVE to happen in order to progress the story. then you can add embellishments and tweak it, but its a good method i use for avoiding over-complicated plot. periodically i also ask myself: can this be simplified further?

in cases where i don't have an ending in mind (about 35% of the time) i let my characters drive the plot. this is very easy because i write unreliable, character focused narration. all i think is: ok what're they gonna do. how would they do xyz. hows this affect them. i'll also think about my end goal for the character as it slowly develops and ask myself if it's realistic for them. i don't write crack so if it's something a character won't do then i just won't write it. i'll figure out some other goal or method to achieve the same effect, even if the scrapped idea is cute. :C the end result is usually a more convincing character. (once again this is literally just how i write ff. you DONT have to write like this) in many cases the goal is fine but the method isn't, so i have to rethink how the character realistically reaches that goal. (this was very much the case in my fic, One Promise)

WHEN IT COMES TO WRITER'S BLOCK:

here's my methods for getting over writer's block in no particular order:

taking a break. (or a nap)

reading poetry (this helps bc i try to write poetic) or just read, if im in a pickle.

changing location. (if you write on your phone/laptop. just go somewhere else)

delete the scene and restart from a diff angle. (not advised tbh. i dont think this is a good method, even if it works for me. im only listing it bc its something i do.)

to a lesser degree: changing the font, listening to music i would never listen to normally. or not listening to music at all.

walking around in circles talking to myself about whatever line im chewing on. :/

Okay now im just gonna list a mixed bag of shit that pertains to my literal writing process:

i use google docs because i like to write on my phone and my tablet. i will write in bed before sleeping or in the car. ill write wherever. occasionally i will also use scrivener on my pc for writing assistance. or ms paint. (dont make me go into it)

i almost always try to write what the CHARACTER sees or experiences, versus what a narrator would see. (for example, in my fic Teeth, sett's ears are mentioned a lot. it's because talon keeps noticing them.) this is super important in my writing as it also serves meaning and makes things more concise. oh a character is an artist? so they might notice the technique in a painting. versus the same painting viewed by a carpenter, who might focus more on describing the picture frame. i have specific thoughts on (confident) character voice/unreliable narration, but this post is long lol. if anyone wants to hear it lemme know.

for the most part i only try to describe what's necessary. im not trying to introduce too many characters BY NAME or too many places or too much detailed description-dumping, unless im trying to hide something. ESPECIALLY IN FAN FICTION. one thing i keep in mind is that the reader will fill in the gap. like i could write 'a kitchen with green walls and one window' and boom you already have an idea of what the kitchen could look like. i could write a character using a stove and different readers might imagine that stove in two different places, as pertaining to their imaginary kitchen. that's fine. as long as the location of the stove is unimportant then i dont need to describe it. basically if it's not Vital to my vision then i often don't bother writing it. (this also allows me to push themes and sneak things, but this post is too long)

often while i write im thinking ahead, so ill start noting future lines/plot ideas to use at the bottom of the document so i dont forget them. if it's a long fic my lines-to-be-used will be like, pages long lol.

JUST WRITE. I JUST WRITE. sometimes its slop, that okay. i try to write every single day.

whenever i return to a wip i reread it to get in the Groove.

as i write i sometimes make comments (in google docs) on some words that i know are placeholders. like i'll write a sentence and think: i need to change that word, but im too in the flow to do that now, so i just make a quick note so i dont miss it when editing. i have shorthand for it too, like for example, WC stands for 'word choice' and REP stands for 'too much repetition.' sometimes im lazy and dont do this ._.

speaking of repetition, one of my lil tricks is to start a list of repetitive words as i write. i will often throw in the names of characters, and some common pitfall words for me (words that i have a tendency to use too often). this is helpful for....

Step 3: The Editing

okay first i take a break. the length often depends on how long the fic is. if its a shortie then i just play a game or 2 of league or smth. i must banish the story from my brain.

when i come back i give it a read over and edit whatever issues i see, reword, blah blah. i also use Ctrl + F with my list of repetitive words! this way i can clearly see problem areas where i've used the same word too close together. i will also Ctrl + F grammar missteps, namely double spaces, double periods, and double commas.

for word choice ideas i use wordhippo :3c sometimes i recognize that a line needs to cook so ill come back to it.

i also do character checks where needed. (Would they REALLY do that?) at this point i can identify a problem area pretty easily so i dont do it that much anymore.

then as my final editing step i read the whole thing aloud. this step is so important that i never skip it, even on long ass docs. reading it aloud to myself is vital. when i read it aloud i can actually test the dialogue and see cadence issues and random mistakes that i never catch anywhere else. for longer stories this is done chapter by chapter as finished, which is,,, thank god lol.

if im unsure about a story then i'll let it ferment for a while (days, weeks) before i come back and edit, just to make sure im not crazy or smth.

Step 4: The Posting

i post in ao3's rich text format, so it keeps some of the formatting. then i hit PREVIEW and then i hit EDIT again. bc ao3 is finicky about italics and will add weird ugly spaces bc of that. so to get rid of them i use my CTRL + F method again to check for space + periods (literally a space then a period), space + commas, double spaces (again), etc. i also center those *** things that people use as scene breaks bc they're never centered. takes like 5 minutes.

then i post and try not to feel immediately awful lol.

anyway that's my writing process. this ended up super fucking long holy shit. sorry i like, rambled and blabbed. i try to be thorough. there's a lot more that i can talk about not pertaining to the process itself but like, yeahhhh. thanks if you read all this, hopefully its not terribly boring.

[domjaehyun]

omg i was notttt prepared for smut in the first quarter and yet we're spiTTINGGG????? haechan u freak (me too i guess)

tbim making me feel so many things likeee it's all such a mess (which i love does that make me a masochist idk) and i feel so bad for every fucking character like yn is confused and haechan is a dick (in every sense) and winter is pretty self explanatory and then there's jeno who got dragged into it poor boy. and all of their friends myyyy god if i was one of them i would be torrrnn any decision they decide make regarding yn and hyuck it's like basically picking sides and i would feel so fucking bad if i had to

and i just want to add a tier of my fav your work of yours and idc if udc

1.pussy fiend (been here since it came out literally never leaving)

2.tangerine love (weirdly a very comforting fic likeeee what's wrong with meeee)

3.the boy is mine (new entry might even rank up based on the ending have so much hope for this one)

and i wanted the patreon contents sooooo bad but i live on the other side of the world and when the currency is converted its craaaazyyy im so sorry ill just have to imagine shit myself and support u morally ig if i am any help

OMG HEHEHE HI HI

yeah we’re spitting IN MY DEFENSE THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ONE LONG FIC I DIDNT MEAN TO COME OUT THE GATE SWINGING WITH SPITTING IN THE FIRST SCENE OF PART 5 😭 yeah me too that’s hot hehe

I’M SO HAPPY YOU SAID THAT that means im doing something right :D I DONT THINK IT MAKES YOU A MASOCHIST it makes you human. it makes you curious. feeling emotions is what makes life worth living (and hopefully the good emotions are powerful enough to make you stick through the bad ones) so wanting to read complex situations with a myriad of emotions makes total sense! it’s more realistic than, like, i am…… bc ideally i would never have angst ever ever ever only happy thoughts at all times :D and yeah they’re all going through it EVEN HAECHAN GIVE HIM A BIT OF GRACE!!!!

OF COURSE I CARE I LOVE KNOWING WHAT PEOPLE LOVED MOST OUT OF MY WORKS !!!!! now im going down 1 by 1:

1. pussy fiend — this is fair i love pussy fiend it’s perfect perverted lovesick haechan like what is wrong with that boy and can he date me

2. TANGERINE LOVE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME I ADORE IT HE’S SO . FJKGLDSJKGFJKLDKJ I CANT EVEN FORMULATE WORDS something abt that specific haechan is so dreamy. its one of the first times i considered like . him just knowing she likes him from the get go like in pussy fiend he figures it out at the end but in tangerine love he can tell like from the beginning and theres no playing around with her emotions, he’s just very earnest while still being hot and flirtatious and playful and i love that so much

3. HEHEHE well i hope it ranks up but i would understand if it stayed in the same place bc i am not sure how you want the ending to go,,,,, but i hope it goes the way you wanted!!!!!!!!! :D

AND i was thinking about this earlier but if you wanted to like . paypal/venmo/cashapp me the $6, i could share the tbim patreon content with you!!! like if you can’t do a monthly subscription i totally get it bc we’ve all got stuff going on !!!! i’ve already done it for one person and i wouldn’t mind doing it again!! if you’re interested u could come off anon and i could work something out w you? up to you though no pressure 💖 THANK YOU SO MUCH DARLING THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY have a great day ily 🫂

[darishima]

What is disgaea even about 😭

A GREAT QUESTION. IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED

clears my throat

so. the question of what disgaea is "about" depends on the game you're looking at because they all follow different plots and characters. the overall setting takes place in realm called the "netherworld," and there are many different netherworlds (basically different dimensions). there two other important locations: the human realm, and celestia (which is inhabited by angels). each game follows a different main plot-- essentially, you can play one game, with little to no knowledge of the others. however, there are many crossover and recurring characters. the main characters of the first game are playable in all following games, one of them is plot-relevant in the second half of disgaea 2, and in every game there's appearances of different recurring side characters. disgaea even includes characters from different franchises, like the games soul nomad, phantom brave, makai kingdom, and more, which are all made by the same company (nippon ichi software) and canonically take place in the same universe, but in different realms (hence the "multiple netherworlds" part).

as for plot itself. disgaea 2 is my favorite so yes i will be explaining it first i dont care that its out of order

disgaea 2: cursed memories is about a human named adell, who lives in a netherworld ruled by this demon named overlord zenon. zenon cast a curse on the netherworld that turned all the inhabitants into demons, and for some reason adell is the only one not affected. his family are all demons, and are slowly losing their human conscience, so he decides to find and kill overlord zenon to lift the curse on them. his mother is a talented mage, so she attempts to summon zenon, so he can fight him-- but the spell goes wrong and she summons a girl instead, who turns out to be zenon's daughter, rozalin. however, due to the rules of the summoning, rozalin and adell are bound together until each completes their respective quests-- rozalin, to return home and find her dad, and adell, to find and kill her dad.

rozalin, not believing adell would ever beat zenon, agrees to lead him to her dad so that the rules binding them will be lifted. however, it becomes rapidly clear that she has no idea where she's going or how to get home, and (this is semi-spoilers but i dont care its my favorite part) eventually reveals that she has never actually met zenon.

that's right. daddy issues. and tragedy. ohhh yeah baby!!! i could write an entire separate post about why rozalin is my favorite disgaea character ever. and also why her and yukimaru are tragic lovers who should kiss. its a ship i literally invented not a single other person in the world ships them or even cares about yukimaru that much but BY GOD, I CARE!!!

that's probably as much of d2's plot as i can give without significant spoilers. manyy more characters show up to join your party and aid the characters-- tink, rozalin's childhood best friend who's been turned into a frog; yukimaru, a kunoichi from a clan that was completely wiped out and slaughtered by zenon (she and rozalin are yuri as fuck); hanako and taro, adell's little brother and sister, and plenty of others. i refuse to spoil it though. anon go play disgaea 2 trust me. i am living proof of how good it is look at these fucking steam stats

i'm Not Normal about disgaea 2. it's gonna be 200 hours by the end of the month. sooo heyy next time there's a steam sale.. would highly recommend checking it out....

but anyway. onto disgaea 1.

disgaea 1: hour of darkness is about a demon named laharl, who after napping for 2 years (he just like me fr), learns that his father king krichevskoy, the overlord of the netherworld he lives in, has died. he sets out to reclaim the throne, which is rightfully his. etna, one of his vassals, is a powerful demon who agrees to help him, but seems to secretly be plotting something (etna is the aforementioned main character who is plot-relevant in d2). he soon meets flonne, an angel from celestia, who has been sent to assassinate king krichevskoy (not knowing that the overlord is already dead), and she ends up joining his party too.

d1 is unique because its the only disgaea game that actually has a direct sequel, and no its not disgaea 2. the sequel takes place 10 years after d1 and is called disgaea d2: a brighter darkness. i have regrettably not played this one yet and i dont know anything about it (im avoiding spoilers for d1) so i cant say anything about it.

the next game i *would* talk about is disgaea 3: absence of justice, but it's the only one of the main 7 disgaea games that isn't available on steam so i havent played it yet. when i do, im going to have to work out a ROM and a playstation emulator on my computer or something idk

so then there's disgaea 4: a promise unforgotten. this is about a vampire, valvatorez, who used to be a powerful tyrant but now trains lesser demons called prinnies, and his vassal/servant/friend/yaoi lover fenrich, a werewolf. valvatorez has sworn to never drink human blood (the "promise" mentioned in the title) and instead has developed an obsession with sardines. fenrich constantly tries to urge valvatorez to try to seize his former title as tyrant again and regain his lost glory, but valvatorez is content to stay as a prinny trainer. that is, until the government (called the "corrupternment") orders a mass extermination of all prinnies, and valvatorez sets out to spark a rebellion. the yaoi in this fucking game is THROUGH THE ROOF, there's a reason valfen is the most popular ship overall in the disgaea fandom

of the 7 main disgaea games, i own 1, 2, 4, and 5, and the only one of those i havent started playing is 5 (planning to wait until im done with 1&2) so i cant say much about 5, 6, or 7, though of course i plan to buy 6 and 7 soon. d3 still eludes me (fuck you NIS for not releasing it on steam...) so i dont have that one either, not until i finish the others and decide to work out a ps3 emulator to play it.

like i said, there's 7 "main" disgaea games. those are: disgaea: hour of darkness disgaea 2: cursed memories disgaea 3: absence of justice disgaea 4: a promise unforgotten disgaea 5: alliance of vengeance disgaea 6: defiance of destiny disgaea 7: vows of the virtueless and then theres an 8th, disgaea d2: a brighter darkness, 1's sequel.

the amount of games there are can get confusing to people unfamiliar with the series, though. i mean look at the wikipedia release timeline

that looks like a whole lot more than 7. but here's why-- disgaea games were released originally on playstation. when they were rereleased for PSP they were titled differently-- "afternoon of darkness" is just the PSP version of "hour of darkness." so each game ends up looking like this--

disgaea: hour of darkness (original, ps2) disgaea: afternoon of darkness (rerelease, psp) disgaea ds (for the ds, a port of the psp version) disgaea PC (the steam version, the one i play) disgaea 1 complete (the switch version) they're all the same game, with only minor differences and alterations. makes it really confusing to some people. disgaea 2 has a similar treatment-- "disgaea 2: cursed memories" is the original, for ps3; "disgaea 2: dark hero days" is the psp version; and "disgaea 2 PC" is the steam version.

umm. i have been yapping and typing for so fucking long i didnt realize how long this post got. um. im sorry anon. i think i answered your question though. tldr: what disgaea is "about" depends on the game. mostly its about demons doing things and killing people.

except for 2 which is a beautiful epic romantic tale of tragedy and yuri . and 4 which is just a vampire and dogboy fucking nasty

[nahalism]

did you ever need to take sth like antidepressants for anxiety or panick attacks? I recall you speakin about having dealth with them in the past & been wonderin if you ever tried medicating urself for it / would consider it if your nerves were getting too much 4 u at some point down the line or did you develop ur own way around those little&big pits of hell

xX

heyyyyy <3 (this will b long but this question deserves a thorough answer so hope thats ok)

ive been strongly encouraged to take various medications over the years, particularly for anxiety/mood stabilisation, and twoish weeks ago i ended up in hospital cause literally i lost my mind, and i felt so out of it that thats the first time i ever considered not just wanting, but needing medication in order to function. however, i didnt, cause i dont like making decisions in the moment (desperation leads to desperate decisions) and because before that experience and even during it, ive never felt convinced that medication was the solution to the problems i was facing. 1) due to the physical, mental and emotional side effects. & 2) because im not convinced the people prescribing the meds even know what is 'wrong' with me.— a lot of that has to do with the nhs being a mess, (its quicker to get meds than wait thru the referral time to get diagnosed & into therapy) but also, theres a lot of comorbidity in the diagnosis ive been given, so there are multiple things to treat & in their eye's medication gives a faster result than unpacking all of that individually. the recommendation was to put me on a cocktail of drugs that can fuck up my liver kidneys and endocrine system to 'see if it will work' .. :/.

the only thing that has ever worked for me is sitting with myself and my emotions, acknowledging them, doing things at my pace in my time, and structuring my life in a way that is tailored for me and my success rather than being successful in the world or in a socially accepted way. that means having a morning routine that caters to my mental emotional and physical health, (mindful practices, yoga, gardening, sound work etcetc), and finding ways to continue that throughout the day (working creatively and limiting my exposure to people or situations that are not for me/overstimulate me).

that being said, this routine (which is still being refined and altered) works pretty well for me, but comes with sacrifices and isnt fool proof. symptoms of my mental illness still persist & without being medicated people are less lenient when helping someone they feel isnt 'helping themselves', im also still working on how to be as sociable as id like to be, and often my spirals are triggered by the very system i have in place to help me. i often face feeling like a let down, like im lazy, like im a weirdo/recluse, like im incapable of being a normal person etc etc. for example, a lot of the friends i graduated with have experienced crazy growth in their careers and have a sense of social and financial security that i dont have because they can function year round, whereas i have months at a time where i dont feel myself and have to disappear in order to keep sanity and peace in my being, lol. that, and the fact that it takes me a lot of base maintenance and effort to function as a normal person makes me feel like shit if i let it, so i constantly have to remind myself on top of the work i do daily, that whilst there are things others have/experience, that i dont, the inverse is also true, and theres beauty to me being me in my way. and .. yeah 🤷🏽‍♀️. that part is hard. but its also worth it to me and has taught me a lot

all that being said, do your own research and decide what feels right and what is best for YOU. speak to your doctors, therapists, and friends who may be medicated, or look on forums online for perspectives from both sides. [*if anyone reading this has a helpful opinion 2 offer pls comment]. the feeling of helplessness when your in the throws of whatever mental illness you suffer from can be debilitating and if taking a pill everyday or when you need it can fix that, no ones opinion should sway you from doing what you need to do to function. some of my friends who are medicated swear by medication!! (particularly when it comes to adhd meds) cause not being able to process thoughts and function is horrible and ruins lives needlessly.

so yh.. i hope this helps. as long as you do whats best for you, i have no doubt you will find your way through this and that it will be worth it. above all, know that the power of your will, your mind, and your person, is what makes you special, and so even if it takes more for you to show up than it does others, that's absolutely fine. take your time with it, and know what nothing is wasted, because you have no idea the good that can come from working out the details. most of the advice i have to offer comes from making it thru an existential crisis or bout of depression. <3

blessings 2 u love