#and 20-22 times a week in something each year has spoiled me!

[chrisodonline]

I have a new dryer coming in next week, or supposed to, and I have to do a TON of cleaning. and straightening. They couldn’t have announced it NEXT weekend?

I mean, yes, plenty of time to mourn and reflect. But, again, couldn’t have waited a week?

Also, my theory is that the minute G made the “I’m an orphan can’t help you” joke, the universe was like, “It is time.”

[strawberrykidneystone]

Fresh Out the Slammer I Know Who My First Call Will Be

stanley pines x fem! reader

summary: stanley needs to be bailed out. again. don't worry, he'll make it up to you! he swears!

a/n: i am not immune to the gravity falls renaissance,,, all 22 fingers iykyk

tags: smut, set the week before the twins come to gravity falls, reader is late 20s-early 30s, reader wears a skirt, pussy eating, cowgirl, spanking (like twice), creampie (wrap it before your tap it)

ao3 version

y/n stood at the counter of the police department once again, her arms crossed as she had to bail stan out.

again.

how many times has she have to do this? she didn't keep track anymore, yet she would still do it every time he called.

"hey sweets..." his sheepish voice would always ring out as he called to her from the small holding cell.

blubs grumbled something about this being a weekly occurrence as stan meekly came out of the cell, knowing he was going to be in the dog house tonight. stan quickly put his signature jewelry back on and rushed out in front of y/n and held the passenger side door of El Diablo open for her, putting on his best smile as she slid into her seat, her arms still crossed.

the ride home was quiet, the windows were rolled down and stanley glanced over every so often at y/n as the wind blew through her hair. god she was so beautiful, he didn't deserve her. she was always there for him, more than his own parents, more than his own brother, and he knew that every time he messed up like this she just got closer to leaving him like everyone else. he knows better, he knows he shouldn't think like this, and she gladly reassured him every time, but times like this in the deafening silence only being broken by the erratic purr of the engine, he couldn't help but get lost in his thoughts.

this time was somewhat of a last hurrah for stanley since he had the twins coming over. he stopped smoking his usual cigars and replaced all his beer with pitt, even giving y/n a small squirt gun to spray him every time he cursed, trying to get out of the habit before the impressionable 12-year-olds arrived for the summer.

when they arrived home, stan ran around el diablo once again and opened up y/n's door. she seemed less peeved than she was when she first arrived at the station, but she still kept quiet as she stepped out and walked into the mystery shack, stan trailing behind her like a lost puppy.

y/n sat at the edge of their shared bed and looked up at stan expectantly, an aura of annoyance surrounding her. she had one leg crossed over the other and arms crossed to match. "awe doll, don't look at me like that, this was the last time i swear!"

"the kids are coming next week stan! how do i know that this was really the last time?"

"let me prove it to you sweets, i promise on my mother that my act will be together for these kids,” he said holding one hand up and placing the other over his heart like an oath.

y/n frowned a little but gave the old man a curt nod, knowing how important their stay was to him and how much he's already been preparing already.

"lemme make it up to you doll," stan purred and got down on his knees with a little bit of exertion, crawling forward on his knees and gently prying her knees apart. he looked up at her with half-lidded eyes, pressing kisses to the inside of her knees with an exaggerated "mwah" each time along with his stubble scratching against her skin.

this made y/n crack a smile and reached a hand down to run her fingers through his hair, landing on the side of his face, "and how exactly are you going to do that stanley?"

he loved hearing his name from her mouth, he grinned up at her and tugged her closer by her thighs, causing her to sequel with her back landing on the bed, "oh i might have a few ideas doll."

stan pushed her skirt up around her hips and licked his lips, already seeing a wet spot on her panties, "all this just for me baby? you spoil me."

he leaned forward and licked a stripe up the soiled fabric, mouthing at her clothed pussy and reaching his hands around to grope her ass. he nuzzled his nose against her clit, inhaling her scent deeply and hearing a whine spill out from her, "stan stop teasing."

he muttered something incoherent about patience, but judging by the bulge in his pants, he didn't want to wait much longer either. stan hooked his thumbs through the sides of her underwear and with y/n lifting her hips up, slid them off with ease. he immediately dove in like a man starved, massaging his tongue against her sensitive nub and sucking every so often. moving his mouth down, his nose nudged against her clit, encouraging her to rub herself against it as he thrusted his tongue inside of her. she took the hint and grinded her hips against his nose, moaning at the new stimulation while being partially filled up, feeling his tongue rubbing against her walls.

stan groaned and pulled back panting, her slick all over the bottom half of his face, "can't take it anymore doll, need you to ride me."

she giggled and rolled her eyes, "alright, get on the bed old man."

she turned over on all fours to crawl further up on the bed, stan taking the opportunity to give her ass a playful smack, a small squeak falling from her lips. y/n sat back on her heels and took off her shirt, along with her bra. by the time she turned around, stan was comfortably lying with his back against the headboard, completely naked with his cock standing up high.

y/n shuffled on her knees over to him and straddled his thighs, stan looking up at her light she hung all the stars in the sky causing her to blush deeply. she took his cock into her hand and rubbed the tip in between her lower lips, stan salivating as he watched his precum mix with her own arousal with his hands quickly making their way to her hips. as she finally sank down on his length, both of them let out a sigh of pleasure as her warm walls engulfed him.

she took a moment to adjust to his length, allowing his hands to wander up her waist, squeezing her breasts in his big hands and brushing his thumbs over her nipples every so often. he leaned forward and sucked on her left nipple, teething softly but careful to not bite down too hard, switching to the other a short time later. while he was showing affection to her breasts, she ran her hands over his hairy shoulders and reached towards his upper back, running her nails just hard enough to leave a mark. she gave an experimental bounce, her breath hitching as he finally bottomed out inside of her. stan unlatched from her breasts and leaned back, his gripping her ass with a shit-eating grin, "you ready to ride toots?"

she let out a breathy laugh and put her hands on his beer gut, leaning forward slightly to steady herself, "i'd be more concerned about myself if i were you."

as he was about to respond with something snarky, she lifted herself almost completely off of him before sinking back down quickly. he moaned and leaned his head back, giving her a little support with her movements with his hands. stan smacked her ass as she found a steady rhythm, feeling her squeeze around him. "that's it, that's my good girl."

stan grabbed her hips and kept her in place, thrusting up into her with his feet pushing down into the mattress, watching her breasts bounce with each movement. y/n moaned and arched her back, reaching a hand down to rub her clit for more stimulation, "yes! right there, don't stop stan!"

stan kept with the pace he was at and could feel himself getting close, gritting his teeth, "where do you want it doll?"

"inside, please!"

he nodded and reached one of his calloused hands down to rub her clit, replacing her own hand as he continued to thrust inside of her as she moved with him. with the rough texture of his hand, y/n opened her mouth in a silent scream as she reached her peak with stan not far behind as he released his seed inside of her.

the two sat in a comfortable silence, only their heavy breathing filling the room. y/n looked down at him and smiled sleepily, affectionately tapping his chest, "good job keeping up oldie."

he snorted and put his hand behind his head, "'m sorry doll, it was one last hurrah. am i forgiven?"

y/n pretended to think and tapped her chin with her index finger, "hmm i don't know... yes of course, I'll always be there to bail you out stan, you know that."

a soft smile rested on his face as he took the hand on his chest, kissing each fingertip, "i know you will doll, and I'm damn lucky to have you."

she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, grinning like a cheshire cat suddenly, "i took your bail money from your buried cash box."

"you WHAT-"

a/n: ty for reading!!! also it's my fanfic and i'll write as many run on sentences as i want!!!

[random-mailbox]

Random-Mailbox's Favorite Sailor Moon Fics - Week 23 - Valentine’s Day ❤️

We have come to our next Holiday themed post - Valentines Day! These stories all incorporate Valentine's Day traditions (some more westernized than others) and are fairly short, at least compared to the usual mix in these posts. Enjoy the cuteness!

As always, my apologies in advance for spoiling some of these for you (Fic Titles are linked to either FFN or AO3 entries).

Box of Chocolates - Chapter 1: Day 2: Box of Chocolates - @kasienda

Mamoru comes home late from another long shift to a worried Usagi, except he has a very good excuse. This premise or tradition of sorts that @kasienda does with her own husband is something I do with mine too. 

Valentine's Day - @ninjettetwitch

Serena over-reacts when Darien tries to find out why she is feeling down, kicking off a chain of events that leads to Darien finally admitting his feelings. 

 Wishing You Were Mine - @moon-daisuki

Someone leaves behind an unsigned love letter on the counter of the Crown Arcade. So Motoki, having guessed who the author might be, decides to blow it out of proportion and make it into a mystery party with the help of a local radio station.

Idiots - @riverlethe

I love the way @riverlethe depicts these fools' failure to convey their emotions. We even get psychometry in this one! In this two-shot (I really hope we get more of these, because "Reveal" has to happen and will be glorious whenever it does), Usagi makes homemade chocolates for her class, Motoki and special ones just for Mamoru, who returns the favour on White Day. 

love makes ya crazy - @hellomomo

When Motoki find a love letter that he presumes is meant for Reika, Usagi volunteers herself and Mamoru to help him figure out who this mystery person might be. 

Before The Clock Strikes Midnight - missscatterbrain325

To avoid getting any more chocolate on Valentine’s Day, Darien declares that he is in love with one of the girls sitting at the booth in the back - Serena and her friends. Except that habits are hard to break and our duo has hell of a time figuring out how to communicate their feelings.

AND I am going to add a story that was technically part of the Groundhog Day post but it is literally called Valentines Day, so I figure - why not double dip

Valentines Day - Raine Delmont

Mamoru has to re-live the same day over again until he can figure out what his feeling actually and how to change Usagi's feeling towards him, all in 1 day.

---

Next week's post will be all about Do A Grouch A Favor Day (link to the page explaining more about it and giving some fun facts) - thanks @caelenath for introducing me to it! It will be a mix of stories that cheer ME up and stories where the characters do that to each other (even if we are a couple of days late once the post goes up - it is celebrated on February 16th)

Here are the links to the previous Tumblr posts in these series to explore more amazing works based on different themes - make sure to check them out if you haven't had a chance! (Click on title name to go to the post) - I will keep updating the list every week as new posts come up:

Week 1 - Groundhog Day

Week 2 - Established Relationships

Week 3 - Sex Positivity

Week 4 - Unfinished Stories

Week 5 - Darker Stories

Week 6 - Potions 🧪

Week 7 - Reveals

Week 8 - 👻Halloween🎃

Week 9 - Wrong Perceptions

Week 10 - Non-Senshi AU

Week 11 - In-Progress Fics

Week 12 - Mutual Pining

Week 13 - Enemies to Lovers

Week 14 - Slow Burn

Week 15 - Christmas Part 1 - Ugly Christmas Sweaters and Santa!

Week 16 - Christmas Part 2

Week 17 - New Years

Week 18 - High School AU

Week 19 - Slice of Life

Week 20 - Coffee shop AU

Week 21 - Huddle for Warmth

Week 22 - Friends to Lovers

[fffinnagain]

10 Years of Sherlock (TV)  AO3 stats!

Sherlock fans, new and old, click below to read a long list of graphs and comments about our communities fanworks over the last 10 years. I scraped AO3 again and demonstrate that:

More creators are writing longer works in 2020

Readers engaged more as the fandom changed after S4

Top ten new tags per year for the last 10 years

And a lot more. 

PS the code to gather this data and analyse it can be found way over here. 

Activity over 10 years

The last 10 years in the BBC Sherlock fandom have been tumultuous, but this community persists, with engagement from new fans and continued creative output. To commemorate over a decade of squee, I’ve done another scrape of the fandom’s imprint on the Archive of Our Own and will share some insights from the numbers in these plots. A very late update on my post S4 snapshot from 2018.

Note: This analysis is of completed public fanworks only, about 101000 of the 122000 Sherlock (TV) works available at present. This is to remove the late WIP effect, which adds a bulge to the last few months, and out of respect to creators who wish to have their material reserved for other registered AO3 users.

The works are still coming

Counting the number of works posted per day, we can see the peaks associated with each series airing (in UK and US). After that, the number of works continues fairly evenly, 20-30 per day, plus seasonal peaks. This rate is continuing on without a hint of new canon in sight. So who is posting all this work?

Creator-waves, monthly output

Years ago I started plotting creator waves, basically I group fanwork producers by the year they first posted to the fandom and then count how many of this group are active in later time intervals. This lets us get a sense of how long people are contributing and whether new fans are getting the urge to create. 

This plot of the Sherlock (TV) fanworks on AO3 shows the standard shape of plump participation in the first year of any given set of creators, followed by a slowly thinning tail as they because less active over time. Turnover is natural in fandoms, with most only posting a work or two within a fairly limited amount of time, while a precious few persist for years.  The surprise for me here is that the ratio of new creators is higher in 2020 than it was in 2019. Maybe the excuse of lockdown encouraged more folks to take a turn at creating content. 

Another way to look at the output of fan creators on AO3 is to see the total amount of words being shared across all fanworks. The total has been pretty close to 300-400k words per month since 2018! To get a sense of what that means per work, I also plotted the median number of words per fanwork in these monthly sets. The median in higher in the last year than it had been staying for a while. 

Reader behaviour: Hits & Kudos & Comments

Fan creators are only part of the story. Stats on engagement are a bit trick to interpret, I’ve got some plots here that tell us something about how works have been engaged with over time. 

The obvious first to consider is Hits. Above is the total number of Hits given to works published each month. This is the current totals, not a historical snapshot, so we have a very strong bias  towards early works, what we might call the Classics Effect. Works that have been around longer have had the chance to be seen by more people, and in particular those works that become must-read classics in a fandom, extending their exposure through prominence in top ranked works and recommendations. 

To cut down on the advantage of the classics, we can also consider median hits per work for each month. As most works get a lot attention when they are first posted and then fade out of sight, the median number of hits reflects instead the ratio of readers to creators, basically how many eyeballs are around to look at the latest work, regardless of status. The median plot shows how the hyper-visibility of the few work available before 2012, and then a more steady curve once the fandom had gotten established on the platform after Series 2. Amazingly, the hit rate for the median work was steady through the big bumps in activity with later series, a 1000 hits for median works between 2013 and 2018, followed by a slow decline. I’d expect the 2020 works to continue gaining for a few months yet, but the median is probably 50-60% of what is was when the show was in production.

Kudos counts and medians show a similar story to hits, but there is a dip down around 2013 for kudos reflects the frenzy of productivity that saw the fandom grow during the Series 2 hiatus. Readers were getting spoiled! From the airing of Series 3 (2014) until a year following Series 4 (2018), the median work received an even 60ish kudos and 1000 hits, a niche audience that decreased to 50/750 through 2018-2019. The numbers of 2020 suggest a smaller community of readers again, though these numbers may still rise a bit in the next few months before the median works are forgotten. 

The statistic that tells a different story is Comments. Looking at the total comments counts, there isn’t a drop after Series 3 (2014). Instead, the fandom compensated for changing numbers with more feedback and discussion attached to works. This is reflected in the median comment rate as well, which shows seasonal variation but doesn’t really drop off until 2020.

It’s remarkable that without fresh canon we continue to have new creators contributing to the fandom, and while that may be outpacing the readership somewhat, the standard of engagement has been very high. One could say the fandom is chugging along quite nicely!

What about Tags

So, with all that turnover and shifting population, is there a change in the kinds of works being posted? We can look at tags, all tags and freeform tags, to see if there were any meaningful trends. 

First up, I did a creator-wave like analysis of works just for tags, to see how tags continue to be used after being introduced. Unlike the creators, tags clearly persist for years. After 2015, it looks like the core tag set has been established, with very few tags persisting in usage per  subsequent year.

This graph reports numbers over time that are not proportional to the number of works or creators active. Instead, works on AO3 have been getting more and more tags over the years, with the average steadily growing from 5 in 2011 to 15 in 2020, with freeform tags (not characters or ships) from 2 to 8.

To get a sense of fic and tagging culture changes over time, I counted the most popular NEW tags of each year (wave). Note: this analysis is using exact matches, not the networked associations of tag meanings wrangled into AO3 today, so some things that pop up aren’t new concepts but instead newly popular TAGs for whatever they represent. 

2011: 2752 (First year, so all solid stuff, tags that continue to be popular forever)

Angst                 323

Fluff                 232

Humor                 216

Hurt/Comfort          188

Romance               168

Friendship            168

Crossover             138

Crack                 121

Alternate Universe    119

First Time            106

2012: 11637 (still early, first references to Series 2)

Fluff and Angst                           145

Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall       97

Kid Sherlock                               54

Puppies                                    50

Sad                                        48

Episode: s02e01 A Scandal in Belgravia     47

Mathematics                                42

Season 2 spoilers                          38

Omega Verse                                38

Feels                                      38

2013: 16176 (Omegaverse nomenclature is growing, Top/Bottom terminology, new challenges)

Alpha Sherlock                               65

Omega John                                   61

30 Day OTP Challenge                         59

Tumblr: letswritesherlock                    56

Top John                                     49

Sherlock Holmes Returns after Reichenbach    44

Bottom Sherlock                              40

Reichenbach Angst                            30

Don't copy work to another site              29

Age Regression/De-Aging                      27

2014: 19256 (Mostly Series 3 related

Episode: s03e03 His Last Vow         249

Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three    167

Post-His Last Vow                    149

His Last Vow Spoilers                142

Sherlock Series 3 Spoilers           128

2000 AU                              100

The Sign of Three Spoilers            74

Fatlock                               72

Post-The Sign of Three                66

Post-Season/Series 03                 57

2015: 14272 (New challenges, new prominent Sherlolly tags)

Chats                                      47

International Fanworks Day 2015            34

Watson's Woes July Writing Prompts 2015    27

S3 referenced                              25

Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper Kissing       22

English Accent                             22

Sound cloud                                19

Eventual Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper      19

Protective John Watson                     18

but not that kind of graphic               17

2016: 13517 (New stylistic tagging, TAB references, a lot of epilepsy?)

Slowwww burn                         92

John Watson Loves Sherlock Holmes    37

Sherlock Holmes Loves John Watson    33

post-tab                             30

JME                                  27

Post TAB                             25

Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy          23

Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2016     19

epileptic                            19

fraternal love                       17

2017: 15067 (Series 4 tags and challenges)

Episode: s04e02 The Lying Detective         133

Episode: s04e01 The Six Thatchers            93

Post TFP                                     73

Sherlock Series 4 Spoilers                   69

Episode: s04e03 The Final Problem            60

Post-Episode: s04e02 The Lying Detective     55

Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2017             50

Post S4                                      48

Sherstrade Month 2017                        44

31 Days of Porn Challenge 2017               41

2018: 10733 (Lost of new challenges, seasonal and weekly)

Towel Day 2018                       64

Mystrade Valentines Calendar 2018    25

Kinktober 2018                       23

Pregnant Molly Hooper                23

Soft Smut Sunday                     23

Tom Robbins                          23

Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2018     21

Inktober 2018                        20

established universe                 16

Always1895                           16

2019: 7785 (More prompts, and character attitudes)

Sherlolly Appreciation Week 2019    25

221B Autumn Challenge               21

A-Z Christmas Prompt                19

KatsJohnlockXmas2019                16

Whumptober                          11

Poor Greg Lestrade                  11

Kinktober 2019                      10

Dissonance                          10

John Watson is a Good Friend         9

Sleepy Sherlock Holmes               8

2020: 8074 (Not all COVID related, thank heavens)

Mystrade Monday                           59

COVID-19                                  48

Coronavirus                               46

Mystrade Monday Prompts                   40

Whumptober 2020                           36

warning for a covid-19 setting            33

Flufftober prompts 2020                   24

Do Not Translate                          24

they're all right they're just at home    23

Granada Sherlolly                         21

A little note from looking across all freeform tags, not just the new ones, we see a curious pattern with regards to two actions: First Kiss and Anal Sex. They appear amongst the most common tags as of 2014, neck in neck for two years, than Anal Sex drops off the top ten in 2016. From there out, First Kiss stays in the top 5 from that point on, while anal sex appears at rank 9 from 2017-2019 and is gone again in 2020. This probably says something about the fandom, somehow. 

Bravo for making it to the end and thank you for reading! 

Questions/comments welcome.

[ryqoshay]

OTP Ask Meme (Impatient Edition) NicoMaki

Yeah, I know the point of these things is to wait for followers to Ask questions from the list, but reading though this one got me thinking too much. And, as the title implies, I got impatient and wanted to answer them all. Right away.

Anyway, credit to @lonelypond​ for this version coming across my dash. Reblog that version if you want to do this thing correctly.

Also, just because I’ve already answered these here, I’ve expanded on some for various reasons and left others short if I believe the reasons are obvious. So if you still want to do the whole interactive thing, you can still ask for clarification or whatever.

And finally, there will be spoilers ahead for How to Handle a Nico, both scenes I’ve written and posted, as well as some that remain in my Notes and WIP Warehouse. I’ll try to remember to link to the chapters mentioned.

1. Who wakes up first?

Nico, so she can make breakfast for her Maki.

2. Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Maki. Usually because she studies or works later and/or longer hours. She is also not above pulling Nico back into bed when she comes to wake her.

3. Who takes longer getting ready?

Usually Nico.

4. When they can’t sleep, what do they do?

Maki’s libido can pretty much always be counted on to at least exhaust Nico, if not both of them.

5. Who falls asleep while watching a movie?

Depends on who had a rough day or week at work/school, though Maki may get bored and either watch Nico or fall asleep during overly sappy romance movies.

6. Who falls asleep last, watching the other with a small affectionate smile?

Either, depending on the stresses of the prior day.

7. Who comes up with the cheesy pick-up lines?

Nico intentionally. Maki unintentionally.

8. Who gets extremely competitive playing Mario Kart?

They both are, though in different ways. This is depicted in Consolation Prize.

9. Who accidentally pushes a door instead of pulling?

Maki, especially if she is in an unfamiliar place.

10. Who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back?

Both, though Maki only in retaliation for whatever teasing Nico may have done.

11. Who rearranges the bookshelf/DVD shelf in alphabetical order?

Nico likes a proper presentation of her idol merch. Maki is too busy with other stuff to care about special organization.

12. Who does the hands-over-the-eyes “Guess Who” thing?

Nico.

13. Who points out a dog when they see one?

Either.

14. Who’s prone to road rage?

Maki, especially when she is trying to get to the hospital when called in at some odd hour, or trying to get home after a stressful day.

15. Who’s prone to wearing socks indoor (or to sleep)?

Nico gets cold easier. Warm socks help.

16. Who reminds the other to put on sunscreen before going to the beach (or pool)?

Nico, partly out of habit from doing it with her siblings and partly as an excuse to offer to help Maki put it on. Depicted in Sunscreen.

17. Who carries all the important documents while traveling?

Nico.

18. Who gets the window seat?

Nico. Maki traveled enough with her parents and is happy to let her girlfriend see the sights instead.

19. Who puts their cold hands/feet on the other?

Nico intentionally. Maki unintentionally, usually.

20. What do they argue about the most?

I don’t believe anyone has been brave enough to track the data for this.

21. Who’s clumsier?

Maki, especially in the kitchen. Nico has her moments though.

22. Who texts more often?

Nico. With heavy emoji use. (I need to depict this more in HtHaN somehow)

23. Who is better with kids?

Nico. She was the primary caregiver for her siblings for many years after all.

24. Who’s the better cook?

Nico. See above.

25. Who mistakes salt for sugar?

Maki. Even after Nico labeled the containers.

26. Who puts the fork in the microwave?

Maki.

27. Who cooks at 2 in the morning?

Nico. Maki isn’t allowed to cook without Nico’s supervision. However, this would be a rare occasion as Nico typically will prepare something ahead of when Maki is arriving home this late and leave it for her to reheat.

28. Who lets the microwave play the loud beeping sound at 1 a.m.?

Maki, when she’s reheating whatever Nico made for her after arriving home late.

29. Who licks the spoon when they’re baking brownies?

Both.

30. Who likes doing the dishes?

Nico, though it would be more appropriate to say she doesn’t dislike it.

31. Who has bigger cravings? What are they?

Nico loves her sweets. Maki loves her Nico.

32. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Nico is highly attentive to Maki’s preferences in food. Knowing what Maki likes in restaurants lets her know what she can make at home. And food is definitely one of the best ways to Maki’s heart.

33. How do they eat ice cream? What’s their favorite flavors?

Nico likes sundaes with lots of sugary toppings. She also likes trying new flavors and will often get multiple scoops of different flavors. Maki is fine with a single scoop cone.

34. Do they go on dates? What are they like?

As often as their schedules allow. Maki likes quite dates like walks in a park or museum or sitting up on a hillside for stargazing. Nico likes shopping for outfits and idol merch, going to movies and bustling amusement parks. But both love watching the other enjoy their hobbies so they’re willing to go along with the other’s interests as well.

35. What do they smell when they smell Amortentia?

Nico smells her father’s aftershave, strawberries, and stewing tomatoes. Maki smells Nico’s special tomato curry, Nico’s shampoo, and the cinnamon sugar of the snickerdoodle cookies the Nishikino baker made for her to leave out for Santa.

Yes, two of Maki’s are directly related to Nico. What can I say? She’s addicted.

36. Which one is the secret snuggler?

Maki. The more tired or drunk she is, the clingier she gets.

37. Which one offers their jacket to the other when they complain they feel cold?

Maki. Nico gets cold easier, so Maki is usually the one to offer her jacket.

38. Who reaches for the other one’s hand while driving?

Yes.

39. Who leaves little notes in the other one’s lunch?

Nico, because she is the only one who makes lunch for them both; Maki isn’t the type to do such a thing even if she were allowed to cook more. (Bonus: What does it say?) Usually the messages are simple affirmations of love, but she is not above getting snarky if the two had an argument recently.

40. Who is the most affectionate?

Nico in public. Maki in private.

41. Who is the big spoon/little spoon?

Usually, Maki is the big spoon as she is quite fond of hugging her Nico like a teddy bear, though Nico will sometimes jetpack.

42. What is their favorite feature of their partner?

Maki loves Nico’s smile, particularly her genuine, unforced, non-idol persona smile. Nico loves Maki’s voice, specifically her singing voice.

43. What is the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Nico starts teasing Maki more, no longer to “put the spoiled rich girl in her place” but rather to see more of the adorable reactions. Maki actively tries to deny her feelings, even to, or perhaps especially to herself, falling back on established habits of insisting that she doesn’t have time to date, all the while quietly continuing to seek more time with Nico.

44. What are their nicknames for each other?

Both exclusively use -chan with the other.

45. Who worries the most? Over what?

Early on, both are worried about losing the other for different reasons. Nico is afraid that should a scandal occur that ruins her idol career, Maki may blame herself and leave. Maki fears that a busy schedule of studying in medical school followed by long hours at the hospital may turn away someone like Nico, whose attention seeking seems infinite. Later, as they settle into their relationship, their concerns turn to more stereotypical adult fears; traffic or transit accidents, sever illnesses, etc.

46. Who initiates kisses?

Nico in public. Maki in private.

47. Who says I love you first? How did it happen?

Nico, by accident, as depicted in Spoken.

48. Who tells their friends/family about their relationship first?

Technically Maki in both cases, though with their friends, Nico was active in the chatroom, and with their mothers, Maki only beat Nico by maybe half an hour or so. These instances are depicted in Reconstructed Reunion and Telling Mama.

49. What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Both have busy schedules, even as early as the years immediately following high school, so spending time away from each other is quite commonplace. This still did not stop Maki from going through a bout of depression during Nico’s first tour as a professional idol, as depicted in Homesick and Homecoming. From then on, Maki starts a tradition of visiting Nico during longer tours so as to break up their time away a bit.

50. Who gets overwhelmed by small acts of kindness?

Nico, as the more romantic of the two. This isn’t to say Maki doesn’t value sentiment, she just has other ways of expressing it than being overwhelmed.

[shinahbee]

February Favs 2021

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GREETINGS

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March 6. 2021

Hello!

Another month has passed by really quickly, maybe because February had only 28 days.

This month also was lunar new years or Chinese New Year, so happy new year to all of you who celebrate it! Our household celebrated safely with just my family, in previous years we would celebrate with extended families, but of course every one’s safety is important.

There was also Valentine’s Day, which I helped my sister make some cheese tarts for her boyfriend as a gift. I’ve been working on a few things, including art for more of my manhwa recommendations, but I’ll put that on hold for now and work on a few for some recent anime that I have been watching. I feel like I’m winding down when it comes to filtering the shounen ai manhwa, there really isn’t much that I have read currently that I want to really want to share.

There are some of the ones that are popular that I dropped, I named two of them in my last favorites, but there have been a lot more since then, if you’d like I could add another segment under the hell segment that talk about the ones I dropped and why I dropped them, I feel like if someone had similar thoughts to a certain manhwa and why they dislike the content , It would honestly help me filter out a lot of the ones I never really should have read, if that makes any sense.

Not instagram though...it keeps showing me the pictures of manhwa that I dropped ...I’m like omg instagram your algorithm is screwed...I don’t even like these.lol. Thus this is how it thought of the new segment idea. I feel like I’m adding a lot to this segment alone.lol.

So how is everything going for all of you? Anything exciting happening? I’ll keep you guys updated when something good happens, but there is nothing currently. Thank you for taking the time to read my nonsense blabbering.

Enjoy reading!

Sheena

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DRAMAS:

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No dramas this month to talk about.lol.

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MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS:

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Recap:

1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (Completed)

6) Here u are (Completed)

7) BJ Alex (Completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

9) Unintentional love story (ongoing)

10) Karasugoka don’t be shy! (Completed)

11) Semantic Error (ongoing)

12) Tied up in Twins (Completed)

13) My Suha (ongoing)

14) Crash into me (Completed)

15) Dine with a vampire (ongoing)

16) Inner beauty (Completed)

17) False memories (Completed)

18) Hand in Hand (Completed)

19) Stanning 101 (ongoing)

20) Private lessons (Completed)

21) Behind the scenes (Completed)

22) Turn off the camera (Ongoing)

Updates on ongoing titles:

So I thought I would start off with some updates on some of the titles in the recap section since it has been a while since I last talked about them.

No way vampires don’t exist:

This is almost done soon so I’m glad that the manhwa updates are consistent, what I didn’t know is that there were extra chapters of side stories for this manhwa, and I discovered them through a Chinese manga site, I really hope the licensed site will be able to translate these as well cause it goes into the later lives of all the housemates and of course an in depth development of juwon and dongha’s relationship which I am living for since they are so cute. Lol.

I really hope these get translated since my Chinese is lacking, I’ve just seen the raws and thought I may be able to read them but of course my 8 years of Chinese school has failed me once again.

Dine with a vampire:

This manhwa is giving me so much gripe when discussing the story so far, the recent update of course was a little better in showing the relationship between chi hwan and sooin, so i’m happy they got their feelings across to each other and sooin was able to really begin to trust people again. BUT....I was spoiled by the raws for this week’s update, and let me give a big F*CK you to that harry potter asshole...I still don’t know his name, i think my memory did me a favor and selectively removed it for my mind. I obviously can’t spoil all of  it for you but stuff happens and harry potter has found his way to sooin and basically kidnapped him while he was vulnerable and he’s trying to make him his partner...I’m like...great...In all honesty let’s look at this situation in modern society, think about a person who had made your life living hell, who then dies and you think that’s the end of it , but this asshole still haunts you even after death and still tormenting you...i’m not going to lie, I honestly think I would just kill myself at this point.

I feel like when I first read this manhwa , I thought it was disgusting but I still read it thinking that it will be better, it’s like watching season one of a show and being annoyed hoping that it will get better later and then finding out in season two is just...I need anger management.

I really hope what I think might happen will not but the author seems to be a sadist, so it might end up that way. Props to the creator for making one of the most detestable characters i’ve seen so far. I will watch out for people like this in my actual life.

Semantic Error:

This is updating a little slow and again I tried reading the raws, but of course that didn’t go too well, from what i’ve seen there is a bit of character development between the two main leads so far. Also I’ve seen on twitter that semantic error is going to get a mini anime adaptation, in Korean of course but that is so awesome either way! This is one of the manhwa’s I would like to see an anime of because it’s really good.

In terms of Japanese anime seiyuu who would play these roles I wonder? Sungwoo I feel like anyone can since he’s very ambiguous, but for jaeyoung, I think I’d like to hear sakurai takahiro ( cloud from ff7, miyuki kazuya from daiya no ace) play him, in all honesty it’s because of his role as miyuki in daiya no ace, jaeyoung is basically the same character but more intense.lol.

Turn off the Camera:

Oh this piece of work, i’m glad this is completely satire because if I were to take this story seriously I would have an aneurysm thinking about all the bad choices these people have been making. So recently, our boy jihoon who wanted to protect his virginity from the two co-stars has finally lost it to yoojin, one of the co-stars. I’ve heard a lot of people say they don’t know about him because his intentions are still very unknown, and I agree that I don’t know what his intentions are but from what I've seen, it’s not like he treats jihoon badly, he won’t do anything that jihoon would not like so i’m not opposed to it, but I really would like to see romantic development between jihoon and yohan because of how straight forward yohan is, he isn’t hiding his intentions and says whatever is on his mind, it’s reassuring knowing that there’s nothing he would hide.

Jihoon doesn’t really seem interested but it’s more like that push and pull relationship, where despite him not seeming interested he still had a wet dream about having sex with him...lol. Where as with yoojin, Jihoon does not oppose to having intimacy with him. So we’ll see how this dumpster fire plays out as it continues. I absolutely HATE love triangles cause this whole concept alone is so unrealistic, it’s hard enough to get ONE person interested in me, this dude has like 2 without really doing anything. Also it’s just really messy and annoying to read and I always want to route for the guy who never wins.lol.

This is merely a suggestion, but I feel like authors should make alternative endings with different characters, if you think about this in a realistic perspective, you can end up with different people depending on the decisions you make, which is why harems exist in this genre, because there is not just one person you can love, and how alternative timelines can exist. So if the author would consider this idea and make alternative endings for the main character, then I would feel more satisfied with the story overall, because i’m always wondering what if...he ends up with this person ? What would that be like? This only applies to love triangles where abuse doesn’t happen, because there’s no way I would be happy with an abuse victim ending up with their abuser...

Anyways, that is all the updates that I have for you, in this heaven segment I’m going to talk about some titles that I don’t really think is that popular but I decided to read them after reading the summary and they turned out better than I thought.

In the hell segment, I’m going to be discussing some manhwa titles that are a bit “ quirky” you know in my hero academia where these kids were each born with a super power, seem like some of these manhwa characters also have unique abilities, which I will refer to as “ quirks” in this segment. Let me tell you...there are some interesting ones out there.

So let’s begin.

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Welcome to heaven

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Murderous Lewellyn Candelit Dinner:

“Shevon is a writer who lives in a run-down apartment in the streets of the slums. One day, strange memos start showing up at his front door. Before he can uncover the mystery behind them, he encounters a beautiful young man that keeps peeling onions on the staircase next to his unit. After accepting a dinner invitation from the young man, Shevon discovers a dead body in his host’s bedroom...”

Okay so starting off with this one, it’s very different than the usual types that I would read. This story is more of a mystery drama with implied romance, but I have yet to see that happening in the story so far. It is fairly new so I suppose it will be a slow development. Like the summary for the manhwa says, it is a about a guy named Shevon, who I believe is a writer that is trying to get a job at a writing firm, but he ended up free lancing for a while with no luck of getting a paid job. He was being harassed by an ex boyfriend when he encounters his neighbor that is sitting on the stairs peeling onions. Since that day, Shevon would always run into his neighbor peeling onions while exchanging small talk with him, which makes him curious about why he does this at the same time each day, one day his neighbor wanted to invite him over for dinner and Shevon obliged due to being curious and other advances the neighbor has made to get his attention. As he went up to his neighbor's apartment he noticed that he had a bunch of candles lining every inch of his apartment and there was a very strong smell coming from here. Lewellyn (neighbor) just says that it was the onions that he had been peeling, he wanted to use them for tonight's dinner. Shevon didn’t want to just eat onions...I mean who does. So he told him that he will make him a proper meal instead. So he was in the kitchen making food when the door bell rang and Lewellyn went to check who it was. Shevon didn’t see him for a while and decided to just head back to the dining area, but before he could head there the smell from earlier was getting stronger and he noticed it coming from a certain room, he opened it and there lays a dead corpse surrounded by candles covered in blood. Being shocked accidentally took the candle he used to light up the room and left the room; just as Lewellyn entered he said he had to leave for the day.

After that incident there were suspicious activities involving Shevon’s apartment, such as the name plate on his door being moved, the feeling of being watched when he was alone in the room, and some creepy mail he had been receiving, which all points to the fact that he had a stalker.

Shevon starts to suspect Lewellyn as a murderer because of the obvious corpse found in his apartment, but there was no evidence he could find to report him, meanwhile the stalking had been getting worse he found himself getting more entangled with Lewellyn than he’d like to be.

So yeah, it was really creepy when you read those letters, so far we knew Lewellyn is involved in some sort of murder and although he has been helping Shevon find the suspect he himself is also one as well. It’s still too early to make judgments as to what actually is going on, there’s a lot of mystery behind Lewellyn that isn’t explained yet.

So if you like murder mysteries you might like this manhwa, I don’t see any romance involving them yet, but maybe curiosity will lead to something eventually.

Unripened Expression:

“Jaewon has known that he likes males since he confessed his feelings to a boy named Yoonsung in elementary school, but when Yoonsung tells him that liking other boys is weird, Jaewon tries to hide his "weird" feelings and push them away. Now in high school, he's developed a strong crush on his kind, handsome classmate Karam, and Jaewon decides it's time to finally confront the reality that he might be gay. He asks for advice over the internet and befriends another gay student named Junseo, who becomes Jaewon's emotional support in his quest to win Karam's heart.”

So for this one it was not listed as a harem but it actually is, all the guys you see on the cover is related to the main character so how. I usually don’t like harems in any genre, but this one wasn’t as bad as I thought. Actually every guy in here was a good contender and I was not upset with who he chose in the end even though it would be obvious in the first chapter who he would end up with...lol. and you know me, always picking the “ other guy” in these situations, I really do have bad second lead syndrome.

They guy I wanted him the end up with is named “ junseo ” he’s the gay friend that jaewon the main character met on an online forum while asking questions about his sexuality, they felt comfortable enough to exchange numbers but not give their identity away to each other. Jaewon realizes that from talking to Junseo that he went to the same school he did, coincidently, and found out his identity through his friend. Junseo didn’t want to associate with jaewon but he was really persistent. Junseo then gave up and decided to listen to jaewon whenever he wanted to talk.

Junseo had some trauma in the past involving a ex boyfriend and getting bullied at school when someone found him kissing his boyfriend in a room and started spreading rumors of them together, but instead of just denying it, his ex boyfriend accused junseo of leading him on and that’s why junseo ended up being bullied and shut himself off from people, even though he forced to leave school cause of all the bullying he endured he still understood why his ex boyfriend did that, everyone had to protect themselves first after all.

After opening up to jaewon and telling him his story, jaewon cried because he was sorry he had to go through that. Junseo was happy that someone would cry for him, who had just accepted everything until now. Their time together lead to some feelings developing between jaewon and him but although jaewon is aware he has feelings for junseo, it doesn’t compare to the feelings he had for karam..Which is the guy he ended up with.

Okay. Compared to karam who didn’t have much development, junseo had a much better chance to be perfectly honest. It’s not that I don’t like karam, he just didn’t have much back up story to convince me that his feelings for jaewon is real. Lol

But I guess that’s the trope in these types of manhwa right? The Main character always ends up with the guy that he meets first...OMG. Come on authors ...work with me here and try something different for once. Anyways, it’s all good it’s not like any of them were sexually harassing and/or abusing jaewon so I’m happy with whoever he chose.

If you are into harems with good characters, you might like this one.

Oh! My Assistant: (18 +)

“Naive comic artist Seonho, who draws R-19 series, hires beauty(?)-and-brains Muyoung with outstanding skills to be his assistant. However, working with Muyoung who is too task-oriented and has a prickly temperament, turns out to be a little difficult. Seonho asks Muyoung to pose for him one day to help with a sexy scene, but when he sees how erotic Muyoung's pose is, Seonho's "junior"... that hasn't stood in 2 years, got up. It's hard! It got hard! It finally got hard! This is an unpredictable, comical and chest-tickling BL story brought to you by Milla and Yalgae!”

The first thing that came to my mind was Oh! My goddess... LOL let me know if you guys have ever watched that anime, i’m really showing my age with that comment.

Anyways, so this is about an adult mahwa artist named Seonho and he was getting really popular and needed an assistant to help with his busy scheduled serialization. He held an interview with a couple of selected candidates after viewing their portfolio, and of course muyoung was chosen out of all for his pristine work. Of course there was several conditions that muyoung had listed in exchange to work here, most of which applies to a 9 to 5 job, but of course artists out there know that we make our own time...we don’t have a scheduled work hours, but of course seonho needed a person soon and he liked muyoung’s work so he hired him under those conditions.

Muyoung was actually the heir to a prosperous kimchi making firm and did not need money because he was already wealthy, but his grandmother wanted him to have some independence and so muyoung wanted to look for a normal job to get his grandma off his back. He quickly learns that not everything that you ask for will be complied there are times where you will need to work late for a dead line and such.

This made muyoung wonder if he should just quit, the only reason he doesn’t is because he liked seonho. He liked seonho since he first laid eyes on him as he is exactly his type.

Without realizing it seonho also thought muyoung is attractive and ended up in situations with him that are presumed romantic. In the end, the two of them ended up together, but of course there’s always an inconvenience that disrupts this romantic development, and this came in the form of his best friend, who is by the way married to a woman, but as you know in BL...that doesn’t matter...

His best friend was actually in love with him for a very long time and the marriage was just a family arrangement that he had no say in. He tried to separate muyoung and his seonho by trying to convince muyoung to quit several times and even got into an accident and used this as an opportunity to guilt trip muyoung to stay by his side.

He basically just said that he would die if muyoung left him alone...now, here is some advice from me, if anyone says that to you don’t believe them, you have no control over what a person does and you are not responsible for any of their actions, so call their bluff on it.

This incident caused some strife between muyoung and seonho’s relationship to the point where it was getting pointless for seonho to keep up something that not working, he wanted to break up with muyoung but after talking to muyoung’s grandmother he decided not to since what muyoung needs is his support at this moment. So they overcame it and muyoung made it clear to his best friend that he had no feelings towards him and that he only loves seonho, which made the friend only, had to accept it. So in the end muyoung and seonho moved in together and continued working as a mahwa company, and even hired a new assistant who strikingly had the same conditions as muyoung when he was first hired.

Lol. In the end this story worked out great, and it was really good read, the drama was minimal though that friend of his was an inconvenience. It was an overall a good story and the relationship development was really cute since muyoung was in love with seonho first, I’ve never seen that happened before actually, so if you like all of my recommendations so far you will like this one as well.

The Good Teacher: (18 +)

“Hojun’s recent breakup was pretty rough. His partner told him it wasn’t him, per say… Hojun just wasn’t good in bed. But it turns out Drunk Hojun is surprisingly resourceful; singlehandedly managing to find and set himself up with a sex tutor by the name of Mr. Ahn. Ahn Seunghyun was only half serious when he posted the sex tutor ad, but he quickly finds himself in too deep to call the lessons off. And the more he sees Hojun, the more he can’t help but notice how much attractive he is. Seunghyun is making it up as he goes along, so what will the final exam look like?”

This is basically “Sex for dummies” .LOL. I don’t know how your sex education went in school, but for me all I remember is that the teachers would leave he girls in classroom where they took the guys out and talked to them about masturbation. So needless to say I didn’t have much of a sex education until later in life. Or you can read this manhwa which basically taught me more that my sex ed teacher ever did.lol.

So basically Ahn seunghyun ( Mr. Ahn) was drinking with his friends and thought that they would pull a prank by posting an ad for a sex tutor, not thinking that anyone would fall for it. But Hojun found the ad and took his chances to reach out to seunghyun, so he decided to play along for the first meeting to see who he was dealing with, he made fake lesson plans and prepare a lot in order to make him sound convincing as a teacher. What started off as a joke became very educational for hojun whom had very little sexual experience and how his previous partners would claim him being very bad in bed. Seunghyun had a lot of patience and taught him from the ground up. I’m not going to lie, this was pretty educational and I think Mr. Ahn looking really fine does not help either.

So as the lessons progress they began to have feelings for each other, one thing that doesn’t add up is the fact the seunghyun is not a n actual teacher to begin with, although he did his research before every lesson he was not a an educator in trade, so he didn’t tell hojun the truth until the end and they had a fight, but made up quickly right after when they both realized their feelings for each other.

Now you’re probably wondering if there is a third wheel in this relationship, well there is a guy who is seunghyun’s ex boyfriend, he was a little bit of an inconvenience but not really causing too much trouble, just enough to make hojun a little jealous, the only thing he was out of line for saying was that three of them should have a threesome...LMAO not with you f*cker you look like Tarzan...lol. Hell no!

I say that but there is a special chapter at the end where hojun was having a nightmare where the three of them did have a three some and it was gross...i’m like wtf he’s so ugly...I can’t imagine anyone thinking this is hot.

Yeah take this as you will, if you lack sexual education I recommend this mahwa to educate yourself cause lord knows when that will be when you get proper education for that. If you liked reading BJ Alex, you may like this one because of the similar art style, if not then just read it for Mr. Ahn..cause he is so fine...lol.

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Welcome to hell

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*Warning *

These titles are suitable for 18+ audiences, because of the mature content in discussion, you have been warned.

So finally onto the hell segment for this month! This month we will be discussing some of the quirky titles, people born with unusual abilities, I have come across a few of them and from that I chose these three to talk about since their stories alone are interesting in many ways.

Whether these stories are satiric or serious, I enjoyed finding out by reading these more hellish stories. So here we go...starting off with...

My purrfect boss:

“Sunwoo is thrilled to be starting his new job! Full of energy and enthusiasm, he’s eager to please Manager Kang. The problem is, he keeps making dumb mistakes and getting in trouble. Things come to a head one night after work when he pours soju all over his boss. Typical! But hang on… Why is Manager Kang blushing like that? And what are those cat ears sprouting from his head?! After discovering his boss’ secret, it isn’t long before Sunwoo has him purring with pleasure.”

Let me start by saying that the funniest thing in this manhwa is that Mr. kang has both cat ears and human ears...lol. How is that possible?

So basically in this story manager kang is an anthromorph, which are humans with animal characteristics, they only make up of the minority of the population. He is basically a human with cat characteristics and has hidden his identity until sunwoo spooked him and his ears popped up from being surprised. This seems to be his “quirk” and of sunwoo being really innocent only wanted to find out what he was, then was caught by Mr. Kang having his heat cycle and sunwoo was dragged into the meeting room where he and the manager had jerked each other off.

Mr kang needs the cone of shame after the next day realizing what he and sunwoo had done. He started to avoid him until they were set up on a business trip together, in which they had to spend the night in the same hotel room. Manager kang looked apologetic for having sex with him just cause he was in heat but sunwoo said that he wasn’t repulsed by it and actually enjoyed it, therefore manager kang proposed they do it again...and so they did...lol. Many times after that too.

And sunwoo became a furry. The end. lol. I’m kidding, but sunwoo really liked manager kang and decided to make it official with him, they decided to see each other but not make it public since he was scared. Later there was another manager from another department who participated in a joint project and that other manager is also an anthromorph and knows manager kang as well. This manager cha was like an ex boyfriend but he calls himself his “owner”. He tried to force manager kang into this abusive play and now he’s scared of him. But even knowing that sunwoo didn’t really give up on manager kang but instead gave him courage to confront his fears and stand up for himself, and if anything it made him love him even more. Even if sunwoo didn’t know much about manager kang the way the other manager did, manager kang listed out all of his favorite things to him so that he does know now.

I really like this part of the story, just because a person’s past partners know more about the person you are dating doesn’t mean they know everything, people’s preferences can change over time and all you have to do is ask. So i’m glad they communicated with each other.

So in the end, sunwoo and manager kang was able to be together and he was thankful for having sunwoo in his life. There’s a lot that happens in between but you’ll have to figure that out on your own by reading it.lol. Can’t say that this story is relatable since I don’t have feline features but it was an interesting read in the end.

The Sales Departments Cupid:

“'Taejun', who has the ability to see auras from people who have been in contact with him since childhood, connects with people with similar auras, and at his company he is known as 'the Cupid of the Sales Department'. Then, Hongyeon, a new employee with a rainbow-colored aura, approaches Taejun...”

In this manhwa, Taejun’s quirk is that he has the ability to see people's auras in the form of colours and that way he matches people by the compatibility from complimentary colours between two people’s auras. This is why he is the match maker of the sales department, because anyone who he consults ends up married happily with their partner. The only thing taejun can’t see is his own aura which made him feel like he will be forever alone, Until the new employee Hongyeon showed up and started a conversation with taejun at a drinking party. There was a slight issue though...taejun also has this uncanny ability to kiss anyone who is in close proximity to him when he drinks, and hongyeon was told to sit next to him by his supervisor, basically they wanted to sacrifice him.lol.

But this development made hongyeon very happy and they kissed and did other things after wards. Taejun didn’t really notice it when he was drunk but took notice that hongyeon had a rainbow like aura emitting from him. Which he had never seen before.

I find it really cute to see people’s auras but not your own, which means nothing can be predicted in terms of who you end up with, but why was he able to see hongyeon with a rainbow aura?

Makes me think that is an indication that he is the “one” for him. This concept is really cute and the relationship between hongyeon and taejun started off really romantic for just having a first encounter, after things progressed they started to catch feelings for each other.

This manhwa is still ongoing so I’m not sure how and when it will end, but really liking it so far, even with the crazy amount of sex scenes, I can still feel the intimacy between to two characters and it’s not just showing sex for the sake of it. This is a really cute story so please read it if you are curious!

Pearl Boy:

“ Do shik is a host who ran away with a large sum of money and has a bunch of people chasing him down, he fled to the country side to lay low for a while and noticed that he was essentially running out of funds to survive. He tried to pick up a few men in hopes of getting some money for his services, but none have been taking the bait. He noticed a clam grilling restaurant and thought he would try his luck in getting a free meal, the boss of the restaurant over heard doshik’s plans and told his worker to pay attention to him in case he runs away. the restaurant’s worker jin juha was aware of his schemes and stopped him from eating and running at the very last minute, saying that he should make it up by paying with his “ body” doshik thought that meant sexual favors and began to touch juha inappropriately. Before juha says that wasn’t what he meant, there was a bunch of men coming towards the restaurant, which made juha panic and forced doshik to leave and forget about paying. After doshik left he was loitering around the restaurant and noticed the back alley had an entry way to the back of the restaurant, there he saw something that he should not have seen.....”

Shameless plug before we begin here, I did draw a fanart of juha from pearl boy if you would like to see it please do so, I explained in the summary that I would write my own synopsis since the one i found was really bad.lol.

I wrote a little summary of the plot up till now below:

so it goes Boss  sexual abuse juha by making him work as a sex toy for old ugly bastards -> juha has ability to produce pearls from cuming after sex lol. i’m sorry this seems so absurd, but it is how the story goes, which the boss monopolizes him -> juha can’t run away because he is scared and owes boss money  juha was about to be assaulted by the ugly bastards-> doshik shows up and saves him a couple times and ends up working at the shop as a co worker-> juha and doshik get to know each other after doshik saves him a couple times juha asks doshik to have sex with him ( in order to produce pearls for debt payment) -> doshik discovers juha’s ability but thought it was beads coming out of his body...LOL. he actually thought he had kidney stones and was genuinely concerned ->  doshik had a pearl that he found at the beach earlier on and used it to compare to the bead that came out of juha and found out it as an actual pearl after getting it appraised by the bank person ->juha met up with doshik and wanted to tell him he wanted him to come over again cause he liked doing it with him -> juha and boss confront each other and boss is angry he didn't show up meet his business partners that night that juha and doshik were together -> juha says that he’s only going to pay it off by himself with his one partner, he didn't tell boss it was doshik, but i think he found out later -> juha and doshik became roommates ->Boss goes to doshik’s old work place to find out more about him

And that is the summary until the official licensed chapters, so I have a lot to say about this manhwa, since this one has been on my mind for a while, but juha’s “quirk” is to make pearls by cuming after sex.lol. Firstly that must hurt, it really would feel like having kidney stones wouldn’t it? It sounds so absurd to say “my ability is to cum pearls” although it’s quite unique, not really sure if you’d save any one with that power.

So the reason why I couldn’t tell if this manhwa is satirical or serious because the whole plot started off with juha being used as a sex toy for crusty old men, these people were getting paid by the boss to basically have sex with juha in order for him to produce pearls, it’s sounds so far-fetched when you explain this to someone, it sounds like some hentai plot line with ugly ass b*stards...but it’s not just one, it’s like 10 of them...so imagine the ugliest being you’ve ever seen in anime/manga but x10...

That freaken boss, I get that some of you would see him and simp over him cause he looks hot but he���s a terrible person, looks can’t begin to compromise for his actions, he’s involved with sex trafficking and sexual abuse, that alone is enough for me to hate this person. So just keep that in mind if you decided to read this.

That aside, he complains and hurts juha because he does not produce quality pearls after having sex with all those men...and i’m like can you blame him? Satirical point of view speaking, you only gave him crusty old ugly ass men to work with, i’m surprised he produced any at all, if you want quality then get better looking men, look at how much he made with doshik...doesn’t that tell you anything?...ugh. the idiocy...

Speaking of doshik, I really like his ballsy character, when one of the crusty ass men was assaulting juha he literally grabbed the ugly ass’s balls and says he will take care of it for him, since he’s good at this stuff. Lol. He is an awesome character and he cares so much for juha, even in the beginning when they were not close and always ended up arguing, he would be genuinely worried for him. Fast forward when juha and doshik were getting close and juha wanted to have sex with doshik instead of the dudes he was supposed to meet that night, doshik really showed how much he liked him and handled him gently and sweetly, I honestly blush every time they have any sort of intimacy, I could feel their affection projecting off of my screen, it’s really sweet. If you can’t tell I simp so hard for this couple and will probably continue to do so. You’ll need to read the manhwa to know what I’m saying but their love scenes are really passionate and affectionate. This of course makes me believe that juha was a person who only knew what pain and suffering was due to his situation and that led to his cold and indifferent expressions early in the manhwa, but after meeting doshik his expressions begin to soften and you can tell as a reader that he starting to develop feelings for doshik. The author actually drew an illustration on her twitter that was quite symbolic to the recent chapters and where the story was going, and I decided to write an entire tumblr post, breaking down the symbolism and foreshadowing in her art. If you’d like to read that post I’ll link it down below.

This manhwa is fairly new and currently is still ongoing so there is very much a lot of stuff to unravel as it continues down the line. Please read this if you have not you won’t be disappointed, I thought this was going to be some satire bull shit and I was proven so wrong... lol.

Alright, that is it for the manga and webtoons section this week, we ended off with the theme of “quirks” in time for spring when My hero academia season 5 will be starting again in the spring.

I hope you all are enjoying reading this since I don’t have any feed back after doing this every month. I do enjoy sharing these since not many people talk about manga/webtoons and I feel like this topic should be more popular. Like I said in the beginning please let me know if you’d like to see the titles of manhwa that I dropped and why I dropped it, in case there are some you are not sure whether or not to read it and would like some feedback, I don’t beat around the bush when I don’t like something so you can be sure that my opinions are 100% genuine.

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ANIME

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Kemono Jihen:

“When a series of animal bodies that rot away after a single night begin appearing in a remote mountain village, Inugami, a detective from Tokyo who specializes in the occult, is called to investigate.

While working the case, he befriends a strange boy who works in the field every day instead of going to school. Shunned by his peers and nicknamed "Dorota-bou" after a yokai that lives in the mud, he helps Inugami uncover the truth behind the killings but supernatural forces are at work, and while Dorota-bou is just a nickname, it might not be the only thing about the boy that isn't human.”

- Summary from my anime list

I started watching this because it reminded me of old series like inuyasha, and I thought I would try it out. I think it’s interesting so far, half demons living among-st the humans and a group of them are solving cases together, this is only my understanding so far. I think that main character is in need of some development because I can’t really read his expressions very well so he doesn’t have much of a personality. I’m not really getting the whole plot as of yet, but maybe when this show is over I’ll have a better understanding.

I’m not going to lie, there is nothing that is intriguing me in terms of new anime series, I have watched the same ones I talked about last month, plus this one. I am waiting for attack on titan to finish before watching it all at once. I don’t think waiting every week for a new episode is something I can do for this series.

I am also waiting for shaman king to show in the spring, I loved shaman king when I was younger and I really want to revisit this series since it was one of my favorites. Also my hero academia season 5 is in the spring as well, so looking forward to seeing that.

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MUSIC/PODCASTS:

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Music for this month is mainly a playlist called dandelions playlist, this YouTube channel has a plethora of indie k-pop music and I love listening to this while painting and drawing, it really relaxes the mind.

I did say in the last months’ favorites that would maybe include some podcasts that I have been listening to and it’s also on YouTube as well

This one is not a podcast, but she may as well have one since she has really interesting takes on bad movies, her channel name is KennieJD, and she talks about bad movies in her series called “bad movies in a beat” I watched a lot of them and I really like the one she did on the “death note” live action movie, this is why I avoided watching that movie, being a huge fan of death note back in the day. All the things she said in her video are valid and I whole heartedly agree with all of it.

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So you have reached the end! Congrats!

I hope everything was informative and if you decided to read/watch any of the things mentioned in my favorites for this month, please let me know down below what you thought about it,

I also am doing a draw 6 characters challenge so if you’d like to participate please see that post on my tumblr page for details!

With that being said, please take care of your selves, we are still in the mist of this pandemic and I hope you are all well and taking care of your selves and your loved ones.

I’ll see you in the next monthly favorites.Thank you for reading,

Sheena

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SOCIAL MEDIA

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Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

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[cloveroctobers]

• JENIFER “JEN” MARLOWE •

IG Info/bio: @/justjenw1n | 220k followers | Fashion | just a LUVer who owns a lovely blog that you’re more than welcome to check out here... astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk 🪞🛍🪄

22 (24) (25 in 2021) years of age

From London, England

Her family has French origins

Tends to visit once a year mainly with her family

For her 18th bday, her parents also sent her to Paris with her bf that she’s been dating since she was 14

they broke up since he wanted to stay in Paris to pursue his dreams and she felt like she needed to be back home...which she felt Paris was not

Extremely close to her parents, some may say a little TOO close...

See, I feel like jen comes from a family that spoils her where her parents did everything and took care of everything for her. She had the privilege and didn’t have to work too hard to get things she wanted so that made her a little bit different than a few of her friends, hell—even her bf

Didn’t have to work until she reached her twenties

She also didn’t have too many friends because her parents felt like her cousins and/or her sibs were really only allowed to hold that title

However her parents had some sort of a soft spot for her when they allowed her to date her bf at 14 since he came from a nice background...

And to have at least 1-2 best friends...

I can’t decide if I see her having 3 other sibs with her being the second eldest, or her being the eldest with a younger sister? I can also see her being a only child too? Idk y’all can decide

Because her family is a tight knit one, she values everything they say and do...which is canon/evident

She got her thigh tattoo in Paris and even thought about asking her parents permission but her bf talked her out of it

she later showed them that night while he was in the shower. Her mother openly disapproved saying it was, “unladylike or unclean” while her father was more lenient towards it 

Her mother even scheduled her for laser appointments but this was one of the things jen was sure of, she loved her tattoo and she didn’t want to erase it from her body which led to her mother not speaking to her for about a month—even tho they live in the same household

I feel like she looks more like her dad with her mom’s hair and smile

Got into fashion due to her maternal grandmother who seemed to live a extravagant life as a old time actress, she always had and owned the finest of things

Jen loved having sleepovers there, it felt like she had her own personal Liz Taylor inside of her nan...but better!

Definitely found inspiration through Liz Taylor, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, and Naomi Campbell

she had no clue what she wanted to do in life (she never had to think too hard about it until now, it’s true what they say about your twenties) and she made the choice not to continue thru with uni & I’m not going to make her out to be the stereotypical “dumb blonde” I think she did well in school—so she kinda just chilled after it was all over

Her first job at 20 was probably working in retail where she learned all about the bs you put up with but she loved clothes! That never changed

So she decided 6 months into her job that she was going to make a fashion blog

she made one separate from her tumblr but kept it under construction since she needed to brain storm what exactly this blog would entail

It didn’t take too long to her to figure it out by how she wanted the blog to look then discussing pieces from celebs/models then slowly discussing her own wardrobe + advice

She didn’t immediately gain success for it —altho she did have a good 1k people follow her thru her tumblr where she also provided the link to her separate blog... but she worked/works hard at it, hoping one day it’ll get her somewhere and that maybe she can get paid for it too?

Retail fucking sucks and people are horrible twats so when she was approaching 21 she deff quit with her parents still hammering...more so her dad on what she needs to do with her life but she found happiness in her blog and no one was going to take that away from her —not even her parents

‘What’s the use of working if it doesn’t make you happy?’ She thinks but again! she has the privilege of living under her parents roof and not having to pay bills so she didn’t have to worry too much rn she knows they’d never kick her out right?

she has two bunnies named “bugsy” and “Lola”—u know the reference right?

I feel like she values the flinstones & jetsons because it was something her dad loved watching as a kid and still does , probably has the dvds showcased in her room that she watches when she feels sad

Seems like a smiley person but when she’s sad? It kinda sucks to see cause she turns into a whole different person and she always seems happy with a smile so wide that turns her eyes squinty

If she disagrees with something, she’s 100% giving her opinion whether you like it or not? Wrong is wrong. But when the shoe is on the other foot? She hates being wrong LOL or doesn’t view herself being wrong. Doesn’t take accountability well...at all!

She’s also showed her ass by being a gossiper and fake as hell with Allegra about mc with the whole, “let’s pretend like we’re there for her” if you’re not fucking with somebody just say that or SHOW it sis cause that snakey shit will come back to bite you in the ass (I forgot about this lol as I’m replaying)

she’s all “mega resting bitch face” until she breaks out into a large smile

Libra sun? + Virgo moon? + Gemini rising?

I feel like she only knows what she wants when it comes to relationships but not with the rest of life?

Lol she was very determined with levi in the beginning, explored shit with jake, (I can’t remember if that was after you/mc showed a interest in him or not in that route? I’m doing a talia/Rohan route rn But that’s kinda foul if she’s smiling in ur face and then boom goes and does what she wants but hey that’s the game right? Fck that tho) and then stood by Tim after only some time?

She wasn’t feeling him in the beginning either cause he thought she was too posh for him and snakey which he’s right to some degree but she’s also right if she finds him too immature for her liking

To you jim? Ten? Stans— Idk what their ship name is but it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run either because I don’t see both of them wanting to change themselves completely to satisfy the other. (Tim tried) Sure if you’re showing unhealthy behaviors and are open to diminishing that for yourself then trying to work on your relationship then that’s great! But they already started from the jump not liking each other’s personalities/characteristics....

And hey! Ofc I know people grow to like things they might have disliked about you in the beginning but you can also find yourself not fully accepting it in a relationship and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try

+ it’s been hinted at that they’re not endgame & if you love yourself some Tim not platonically then this works in ur favor. if not? Then you can keep them endgame by all means! For me? That endgame shit is a no! For those that don’t gaf about either of them that’s fine too lmao

YES I feel like they were both hurt over the breakup and it probably happened right around the holidays or either a couple of months after Christmas/New Years 2019

Jen is probably the type to keep checking up on her ex, not necessarily talking to them but finding out who they’re with now

and if it’s Tim with mc she’s definitely gossiping about the shit with erikah and Allegra or making shady tweets or posts on IG for sure

“5 outfits to wear when you run into your ex” type posts on her blog looool

She hopes if she runs into Tim, she’s looking her best and she would 80% go up to him & mc/his new girl if not mc and be all huggy with him and holding conversation before she even thinks to acknowledge mc/new girl and when she does it’s a shady convo with fake smiles

Absolutely loves watching housewives so she was prepared for that moment if it ever does come

Her parents openly didn’t like Tim which made him feel like shit since it seemed like jen never defended him in front of them but again, she values her parents opinion and always wants their stamp of approval that’s just the way the girl is/ was brought up

She owes them everything but deep down knows that in her relationship with Tim she could have been a little more understanding of his needs like he was with her love for her parents...but she’ll never admit that

Doesn’t get over breakups as easily as it may seem like her exes do in her opinion.

It sure didn’t take long with Tim to date mc/new girl months after they broke up! Which was like a slap in the face

The ex bf she spent time w in Paris who looks like Matthew Noszka is now engaged, lives in AMERICA—& of all places??? California to be exact, and just released his debut album!! She knows which songs are probably about her, it’s a nice album she screamed about it for hours into her pillow and cried for what felt like weeks

Lost her voice over that breakdown too

Her mother even went as far as sending a nasty letter to this ex bf’s new address...since ya know? jen’s dad is a private investigator & all!!! but dad had no knowledge of this being done

She’s still fond of Levi and jake but not like in love with them? Like she thought/felt she was with Tim but she still considers them her mates

Maybe in 2021 she’ll be open to dating again and hopes erikah and Allegra will be her wingwomen when the time comes BUT she’s focusing on her blog rn and it’s the best it’s ever been!

She had the show to thank for that now that she has a manager and is getting paid for running her blog now! That’s right this girl is officially employed!

“At least one good thing came from the show ;) 🧽🥐🥂” type of tweets

There’s never not a moment where she’s not connecting her posts whether thru ig or Twitter to her blog: astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk!!!

Both erikah and Allegra talk a little shit about that together...WHEN they DO talk, the pair only really socialize when jen initiates it but if one pisses the other off?? they’re going to gossip about it with the other forsure

She doesn’t look that tall to me? Taller than erikah? 5’2-5’5 the 5 is pushing it for me? Maybe? lol I’m still deciding between her and Allegra far as height and I’m too lazy to go back and see what I put for her

Hates straightening her hair, that pin straight look is not cute to her. She loves having waves and body to her hair

Get her eyebrows micro bladed since she doesn’t have much hair up there to begin with

Adores French cuisine, always has since she was a little girl. Bisque used to be her fav back then and all that she would eat

Loves spring season especially pastel colors when it comes to her wardrobe

The type to say one thing and do the complete opposite

I feel like she probably has a little bit of lisp and it’s not really noticeable until she says some words, she’s insecure about it and thought it had something to do with the structure of her teeth and begged her parents to get them fixed but it literally had nothing to do with them

Yet she still got colorful braces in middle school even tho her teeth were pretty straight. She didn’t have to wear them for a whole year, thank goodness

Went to speech therapy to help

Has stacks of fashion magazines even from the early 90s all over her room: her night stand, her vanity, her closet, underneath her bed etc...

Adores the Hadid sisters, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, & Georgia May Jagger

Makes the best white chocolate chip (that’s right, white not just regular chocolate) banana bread but cooking/baking? Isn’t really her thing

Early riser

Loves yellow: yellow phone case, yellow laptop, yellow room, yellow tulips, yellow shades, etc...

Getting Prada shades was probably one of the best things that happened to her, s/o to her nan for granting her this wish

Words of affirmation is her love lanaguage, this girl is a talker and a bit of a thinker too I mean duh? She runs a blog

Likes bright colors on her toes but nude and clear polish on her hands?

Loves a good mascara but she also loves magnetic lashes but is trying her best to grow her lashes out rn! Thanks to erikah for sending her some good ol’ coconut oil!

Smokey eyes? Set her up

Gets a belly ring, and two more tatts one in between her boobs and the last on her ankle & that one she shed a tear over!

Maybe she’ll start changing her physical attributes more so than the way she carries her life at first? (Or ever) She’ll cut her hair below her collarbone to the top of her chest, and maybe she’ll try a light light LIGHT brunette (she loves being a natural blonde) with blonde highlights? Who knows

loves espadrilles and wedge sandals

Loves going wine tasting and visiting vineyards, if she’s vacationing? You can bet ur ass she’s looking for a vineyard to visit

Deff a lightweight

Here’s her unpopular opinions on s2: Thought Felix was a wannabe Tim and hates the fact that he follows her, thought graham was unattractive and said so to Allegra who snickered, thought marisol’s clothing choices were rather boring,

didn’t feel 100% bad for Hannah but disagrees with the way Gary and noah spoke about her + the way Gary tried to slide back over to Hannah on her comeback episode

but doesn’t feel like Lottie is wrong for choosing Gary after Hannah left

isn’t a fan of priya but is glad she’s doing fashion since jen strongly believes in if something isn’t making u happy then u need to let it go

Thinks Hope should have won and cannot tolerate Bobby. Feels he’s WORSE than Felix,

would be open to dating Ibrahim or Carl from that szn

has spoken to Harry from s3 due to his drunkenness and actually made a friend out of him? But low key wants to get to know seb? Take that info as u will 👀

Her anthem: Michelle — SUNRISE

[hockeysweetheart]

@mega-aulover  I made you a quick fic   Happy Birthday again 

Name of it ( thinks of one) Baby steps...

This is about Peeta becoming a father and his journey though fatherhood. Now I know how you recently lost your own father so this is another  somewhat honor thing for him as well. I hope you like it...   Hope you don’t cry to much But it is okay if you do I personally had a hard time not tearing up a bit writing this. 

Now it is a little rough but I made it quickly  it could use a bit of clean up... But I wanted to get this out for you 

She shows me the Positive test . She is pregnant I am going to be a father..  This is our first child together...I go and talk to her belly and say hello I am going to be your daddy.. She thinks I am crazy but allows me.  But she is just laughing at me… She tells me “well 9 months from now you will get to meet this child”… I laugh and say “ I can wait”. We Do make an appointment to make she she is pregnant and the baby is doing well. I am giddy as I leave  for work that day. I tell my coworkers and every customer.. I tell them “ My wife Is pregnant”.. they all look at me like I am crazy.

I keep thinking of how I will be a father. The doctor appointments go well. Katniss gets bad morning sickness. But I am there all the steps of the way she has crazy cravings If she wants I try to get or make some combos are weird but I don’t judge.. I read some parenting books in my spare time. Katniss says it’s a waste of time maybe it is but I want to be ready…  Being first time parents for the both of us we are excited.  Katniss’s belly is growing everyday.

Around 21 weeks we find out the gender of the baby.  Well its not until 22 weeks because Katniss’s sister Prim is throwing us a gender reveal party. Nothing big but small…  for our close friends and Family The day comes and of course I bake all the goodies for the party… My coworker makes the cake But Lets me decorate it I have no clue what colour will be inside… Katniss and I cut into the cake and the colour is pink… We are both so excited… we would have been happy with either boy or girl…But I know one thing my little girl will be spoiled she will have her way to get her way with me… How do I know that now Because this little girl will be like her mother and  she knows how to.

We set up her nursery lots of pink for her. It just happened that way. Katniss’s parents buy a lot of clothes for us.   Some were Katniss’s   old baby clothes… I paint some flowers on the wall…

One day we are just watching a show and suddenly Katniss moves off me and tells me the baby is kicking and asks if I want to feel… That is when it hit me for real it was like I was in a dreamland before… I say stumbling “ wow.. Uh... sh.. she  is really in there”… Kantiss looks at me like I said something stupid… and says “ Really Peeta Mellark, you with smooth words are now stumbling” I laugh and say “ I guess this baby left me speechless” I lean in and Kiss her and she tells me “ for someone so speechless you are saying a lot of words”...Before I can speak it is her who kisses me to stop my words…  

Katniss has a few contractions we go to the hospital and they tell us to go home because the baby is not ready yet…

I walk in after work and Katniss is standing in the kitchen with a puddle around her… she says “ I thought I was having a bad contraction and next thing I know my water broke, It  happened a minute ago”… I tell her “ we need to get you to the hospital”…. I walk right out of the door Katniss still standing at the door “ Am I coming to she asks”.. Right I say in my head and go and get her  and guide her towards the car “ Okay honey  don’t walk to fast”… Katniss looks at me “ You are treating me like I am about to burst”. Well the baby could come anytime so she just might…On the walk to the car that is about 2 feet away we have to stop a lot so Katniss can have a contraction and when it’s over we move on… She was literally in the doorway when one hit of the house… When we reach the car I open her door and buckle her in… she says “ Peeta do you have the baby bag” Crap I knew I forgot something. On our last appointment the hospital did help us figure out the car seat so that’s already in.. I walk back into the house and grab the baby bag and walk back to the car. When I get there she is having another contraction I ask her “ Have you been timing those”… She looks me dead in the eye and says “ No I am just winging it over here or course I have that was 2 minutes apart from the last one”…  I drive fast enough that Katniss is not telling me faster… we Arrive to the hospital and Katniss is in a room before we know it… Seeing her in pain is hard for me… All I can do is let her hold on to me..  The doctor comes in and says “ ready to have a baby” if Katniss’s glare could kill she says “ No I am just  here because I really like hospitals”… The doctor gives me a look and I just smirk. I want to tell him “ That is nothing buddy you should see her at home” But I keep quiet..  They check on the baby say everything looks good…  Katniss is in active labor…. When she feels it’s time she is holding onto my hand so tight it hurts but I let her… I support her though it. The delivery nurse says I see the head Katniss you are doing so well one more Push.. She is screaming out of pain this whole time and gives one more push… Then I see my daughter who is crying… They put her on Katniss  she is beautiful and perfect to me. I cut the cord and they take her to clean her up and make sure everything is okay… Then I hold her for the first time… She has my blue eyes and Katniss’s hair colour. She has my nose and Kantiss’s lips… I cannot stop looking at her… I am whiping tears away from my eyes I ask Katniss  “what do you want to name her?” she Answers “Everleigh. Her name is Everleigh” She looks at me and asks “ Do you have a middle name?”… I tell her “ Raine”… Katniss says “ Everleigh Raine I like it”.. Me still holding Everleigh I ask her “ Like your name”… I am wiping tears from my eyes I tell her “ I am your daddy”.. and I give her a kiss on the cheek…  Katniss and I spend a few hours with Everleigh before family and friends come to see her…   I am handing her to family members as they come and visit. I am surprised when My brothers and father comes and see her…  

A few days later we leave the hospital Katniss is healing well. We bring Everleigh back for appointments…  We go home and start our new life as parents… Katniss carries her into the nursery and sets her down in the crib….I walk over at her… Everleigh sleeps though the nights. Sometimes we wonder what we got out ourselfs into but say we wouldn’t change it.

Soon she is crawling Walking and Talking hitting all the milestones… Her baby teeth are coming in. Some nights she keeps us up and some she sleeps though. I remember her first steps Katniss brought her to work and we sat on the floor trying to get her to walk between us and she took her first step… and for the record her first word was dada as much as Katniss says no it was wasn’t.  she is growing way to fast Katniss tells me not to blink and I will miss it..

Next thing I know she is 5 years old. She now has a younger brother… Katniss and I bring Everleigh to school for her first day.. Her hair is in 2 braids and she wears a red plaid dress like I recall Katniss wearing on her first day of school… Ev is a little shy but she warms up pretty quick..  I am fighting back tears my baby girl is growing up too fast for my liking.. It seems like last week she was only taking her first steps

She is now 16 Where did time go. I Have 4 kids now. Everleigh is still my little girl she will forever be…  And same with my other daughter Oakley… My two sons Kaleb and Carson are very protective of their sisters.. all are growing up so fast..  Everleigh sure got her mothers attitude not always a good thing. But she gets good grades so do my other children  Katniss is right you blink and you  miss it. One day Ev comes home and tells us she is interest in a guy. My first instant is to get Katniss’s weapon… But I say when will we meet him… A few days later she brings this tall guy who doesn’t look like 16 he is a year older then her Ev told us. He looks at least 20…  He looks scared when I invite him in good I have done my job… Everleigh comes up to him and says Mom. Dad this is  Nathan Hawthorne… Katniss nearly chokes on her tea at the last name… she tries to cover “ Well that is wonderful honey”. Everleigh asks “Mom what is wrong”  I try to cover “ So who are your Parents Nathan”… Nathan answers “ Gale and  Madge”.. Kartniss lets out a sound Ev says “ Mom do you know him” I grin and  say “ Oh yes she knows him all to well”.. Katniss tells Ev “ Gale and I were friends never in a relationship we tried but then I met your father”…Everleigh  tell us “ That’s great then you guys know each other”… Everleigh asks her voice she knows I have a hard time to say no too “ Daddy can I date Nathan”… I look at Katniss and Nathan and Everleigh and say “ Yes you have my blessing but Nathan you hurt my little girl you will have me to answer too”…

They have been dating for a few months now… Everleigh comes home in tears… Katniss comforts her… I ask her what happened.  She tells us  Nathan cheated on her… I march out of the door and Katniss comes after me and says “ Where do you think your going”… I tell her words I never thought I would say “ To the Hawthornes ”… She says “ Well  you are not gonna stop me from coming are you”… I am shocked and say “ Guess not”… Katniss gets into the car as we drive to Gales and Madge’s house.. I knock on the door and Gale answers the door he says “ Heard our kids are dating” I tell him “ Not anymore”.. He said “ Oh, why don’t you come in”.. I go into their house and Katniss follows she says “ Hi Gale” and walks right past him and gives Madge a hug… we all sit  in the dinning room I explain everything. Madge says “ We had no idea we are so sorry about that” Gale asks “ are you sure its our Nathan we are talking about”.. Katniss says “ Unless there is another  Nathan Hawthorne”… Just then Nathan and another girl walk in… he said  “ Oh  no” when four pairs of eyes look at him…  Gale says “ Nathan where is Everleigh?”… Nathan says “ umm she broke up with me, This is Ashley”… I stand up but Katniss grabs my shoulders.  I get out “ Then why did  my daughter say you cheated on her”.. Ashley chimes in  “ Wait you told me that you guys broke up weeks ago” Nathan starts to sweat “ umm ummm”..  Ashley says “ now your speechless well guess what your single now”.. Katniss beside me is trying hard not to loose it… Ashley literally walks out and says “ Mr and Mrs Mellark I have to go apologize to Everleigh” Katniss says “ you know where she lives she might still be on the couch crying her eyes out”. After Ashley Leaves Gale turns to Nathan and says “ Nate I thought we raised you better then that”…Katniss says under her breath “ Runs in the family” then we leave and head home… When we arrive we  see Everleigh and Ashley talking… Laughing… well at least one good thing has come out of this day… Everleigh has a few heartbreaks and I realize I have to do this again…

A few short years later I am getting ready in a suit.. To Give Everleigh away…  She is now 23. Since she got engaged we reflected back on her life. I still have one more daughter to give away if she chooses to.. Her Husband to be is one awesome guy. He reminds me of myself. He showed me he would put her first.   His Name is Cody Mason.  His mother is Johanna. His father is not in the Picture but Johanna must of done something right. We have known Johanna for a while now… years. Cody is only 4 years older then her… They started dated in  college as My baby girl left to go study at District 7  college… She brought Cody home for one break and I instant knew this man who be my future son in law… The other children are growing up to fast as well as Oakley looks so grown up in that brides maid dress and My oldest son Carson is  going to go to school in the fall Kaleb  and Oakley I still have at home but I will blink and I will prepping for 3 more weddings before I know it. I knock on the door to see if she is ready.. And she looks at me and says. “ Yes I am, The real question is are you ready” With tears threatening to make an apprentice I say  “ never ready to let you go but I know this the right man for you”… Ev gives me a kiss on the cheek and whips away a tear that escaped me..  and gives me a big hug…  We walk down to the chapel the wedding will be in and I get in place and the doors open and I walk her down the aisle.. when I am asked who gives her away I say her mother and I… they give us hugs and I go and sit down and watch her get married… she is now A Mason… I get flashbacks… Everleigh and I share a father daughter dance that is when It hit me..  Katniss and I give a speech …

Before I know it I am In the Hospital room holding my first grandchild…

[caitybug]

(Also sorry you are working on sads and feel blegh) maybe Rain is too "mundain" as far as prompts. 5? 7? 8? Any of those sound fun? 😂

5. Typed kisses.

7. Kisses after decades apart.

8. Kisses after dark.

Birdy, bc I love you, I’m going to try to do all of these haha.

(Shoutout to @adamarks​ for looking this over to make sure I wasn’t going insane.)

(1:35): Good morning! 

(1:35): Snow, it’s 1 in the morning. 

(1:36): Why are you messaging me?

(1:36): It’s 7:30 here.

(1:36): It’s still morning, though. So my original text stands. 

(1:37): Good morning, Snow. 

(1:37):😘 😘 

(1:38): XO. 

Day 2:

(10:03): Let me know how your appointment goes. 

(10:03): XO.

(10:04): My what?

(10:04): Your check-up.

(11:05): You forgot about it, didn’t you?

(11:10): I’m here, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Baz. 

(11:12): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(11:12): 😘 😘 love you.

(11:13): I love you too, XO. 

Day 3:

(15:03): Do you think the milk is still good?

(15:04): When did it go bad?

(15:05): It says it went bad a few days ago.

(15:06): But the date says best by…

(15:06): So it just means it isn’t at its BEST right?

(15:07): How does it smell?

(15:07): Not good.

(15:08): Then don’t drink it.

(15:09): What if I just don’t know how milk is supposed to smell? How often do I really smell milk?

(15:10): Snow, just get more milk. I think we can spare the money it costs.

(15:10): But I’ve already started cooking. 

(15:12): I’m just going to try anyway. 

(15:12): It’ll be cooked anyway, right?

(15:13): I want it known I believe this to be a bad idea. 

(15:14): You also said that subscribing to three different butter services was “unnecessary and excessive”

(15:15): I stand by that, Snow. 

(15:15): How can one person eat that much butter each month?

(15:16): I can’t believe you would doubt my abilities like this. 

(15:16): I thought we were in a loving and supportive relationship. 

(15:17): I love you and support your health.

(15:17): Which means cutting back on butter sometimes, darling.

(15:20): I’m going to use the milk. 

(15:22): I wish you the best.

(15:22): 😘 😘

(15:23): XO. 

Day 5:

(7:40): How is your stomach?

(7:45): Better.

(7:45): I told you to buy new milk. 

(7:47): I think there is a stomach bug going around.

(7:47): Probably that.

(7:49): Sure, Snow.

(7:49): That’s why you spent yesterday regurgitating the entire contents of your stomach.

(7:50): Yes, it is.

(7:52): Have a good day.

(7:52): I miss you.

(7:52): 😘 😘

(7:55): I miss you too.

(7:55): XO.

Day 8:

(20:46): The people above us are pounding it out again.

(20:47): Earplugs are in my bedside drawer.

(20:47): If you were here I’d just try to compete.

(20:48): You certainly would not.

(20:50): I bet we could beat them.

(20:52): Come on, Baz, I know you’ve got a competitive streak. Don’t let Richard and Shelly show us up.

(20:53): You’ve got two hands, Snow. I’m sure you could manage something.

(20:54): Oh? Good idea.

(20:54): Talk later.

(20:55): 😘 😘

(20:57): I regret so much about this conversation.

(20:57): XO.

Day 13:

(14:05): YOU COME BACK TOMORROW!

(14:07): Please stop yelling at me.

(14:07): But yes, I do. 

(14:08): 😊 😊 😊

(14:09): I love you.

(14:14): I love you too.

(14:15): Can we facetime?

(14:15): In a couple of hours, Snow.

(14:15): I’ve got one more meeting.

(14:16): 😔

(14:16): Alright.

(14:17): XO.

(14:18): 😘 😘

Day 14

I get through security. It’s always a painful even, especially in America. Have to practically strip just to stand in a machine that tells everyone what I’ve already known. 

No gun here the machine says with a green light and a beep.

As if I’d need one. 

It’s been delayed several hours for a reason I’ve yet to figure out. The weather looks clear, planes are moving in and out. People on other flights are still departing on time. 

The only reasonable explanation I’ve come up with is the airline is incompetent. 

“Snow,” I say, putting a finger in my right ear, trying to ignore the man screaming at the poor help desk person. “I may not be back until tomorrow.”

I look at the clock. Even if we left now I wouldn’t get home until midnight.

“What? Why?” He asks. His voice sounds frantic.

I hate worrying him.

“This airline work flew me through is set upon ruining my life,” I growl under my breath. 

The service representatives have been berated enough, they don’t need me coming after them as well. (Even if I want to.)

(Crowley do I want to.)

“Right now it doesn’t have us leaving for another two hours, so at earliest I won’t be home until 3 in the morning. With the trend of how this has been going, I won’t be surprised if it gets canceled altogether.”

He huffs.

“I miss you.”

It comes out as a whisper, any quieter, and I would have missed it.

It’s not that he’s ashamed of saying it. We’ve said it a lot over the past two weeks.

He’s sad. I am too. I was supposed to be home by dinner. We were going to order takeaway and watch a movie, kiss and makeup for lost time.

Ignore all responsibilities of the world around us for the evening. 

“I miss you too.” I face the large windows, looking at planes that aren’t mine leaving the runway. 

The blasted airport is under construction too. Everyone said to fly in and out of La Guardia because it is easier, but I’m wondering if I should have taken JFK. 

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“You better. Preferably before I drink more spoiled milk.”

“Stay away from all dairy products until I return,” I chuckle into the phone. 

An announcement comes over the intercom.

“They’re announcing another delay, I’m sure,” I groan. “I’ll send you a text.”

“I love you,” he says from the other side.

“I love you too,” I respond, ending the call and slipping it into my pocket. 

(14:36): I hope you get home soon.

(14:36): Threaten to suck their blood, or something.

(14:36): I’m sure that would work.

(14:36): 😘 😘.

(14:37): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(14:37): XO.

Day 15, 4:16

I turn my key in the door, trying to quietly walk into the flat. My suitcase softly rolls against the wood behind me as I pull it in, letting it sit next to the door.

Unpacking can happen after I get at least fourteen hours of sleep. 

I place a brown paper sack of scones on the kitchen table.

I couldn’t resist. The shop next to us had just opened, and I knew it would make him smile. 

I continue down the hallway, stopping only to take a piss.

In our room, still blanketed in darkness apart from the street lights coming from the road beside us, Simon softly snores. 

He still sleeps on his side of the bed while I’m away. It makes my heart feel softer than I’d like to admit. 

One hand rests next to his head, his wings spread out across the bed.

I change clothes, relieving myself of all the feelings of travel before softly lifting a wing to get under the blanket and allow him to cover me again.

I don’t have long to process the fact that I’m with him again before I feel something wrap around my calf. 

I pause for a moment before I remember.

The tail.

He is, for all I can tell, still asleep. Meaning it’s recognized I’m here and is saying hello in its own way.

I rub it softly with my other foot.

It dislikes not getting attention, you see.

Simon’s mouth is open as he breathes deeply. I think his pillow is a little wet.

I’d call it disgusting (it is, truly), but I missed him so much that I can’t help but smile.

I risk moving closer and kiss his cheek softly, trying not to wake him up.

I know he hasn’t slept well without me.

(I haven’t either, without him.)

Side effect of sleeping for so many years in that tower. We both got dreadfully used to hearing the other breathe, the way we each navigated and slept.

At this point, I think even his snoring lulls me to sleep.

(I still complain about it, however.)

An arm wraps behind my back and pulls me close.

He takes a deep breath, and when I pull back I see one eye open.

“Hey there,” he says, voice hoarse with sleep. 

“Your breath smells.” I lean in, kissing his forehead. 

“Well your hair is greasy,” he replies, pulling me into a kiss, his hand moving to my hair. 

“You don’t seem to mind it.”

He hums in response.

I pull him tighter. I need to feel this. Everything. 

His lips.

His hands.

His chest against mine.

“And you don’t seem to mind the morning breath,” he states, smiling at me as we break for a moment.

I open my mouth to retort but he puts a finger to my lips, shushing me.

“No talking, only kissing,” he whispers. “I’ve not kissed my fiancé in decades.”

He leans in but I pull back for a moment.

“It’s been two weeks, Snow.”

“Decades,” he states matter of factly. “Each day was like five years passed. It’s been 70 years. I’ve gone grey and wrinkly, waiting for you to return.”

I laugh, being shut up briefly by another round of kisses.

I should sleep.

But this is so much better than sleeping. 

I feel something wet hit my cheek.

Backing up, worried there is a leak from the ceiling, I realize why. 

It’s Simon.

“Love,” I say.

What’s wrong?

“It’s fine; it’s fine,” he says, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. “I’m just tired, and I missed you.”

Another tear drops from one of his eyes, and I brush it away with my thumb.

I open my mouth to say a response, to comfort, but I feel a stinging in my own eyes.

(My eyes have been open for too long, you see. Couldn’t sleep on the plane. I’ve been up far too long to be able to control any tears that fall.)

I lean in to kiss him again.

We kiss, and kiss, and keep kissing. Hands roam, trying to remind our brains of what it feels like to have each other again. 

It was dark when we started, but soon an orange haze comes over the room as the sun rises.

The tears start, stop, start again.

Laughter rings out a few times.

“You did WHAT to our oven??” I shout at one point. 

He lays now with his head on my chest. My eyes are closed, fingers scratching his head lightly.

His hand is softly rubbing my stomach.

“Wait,” Simon says, jumping up and looking at me.

I blink a few times, trying to fight off the sleep that was about to overcome me.

“Did you get?” He asks, question incomplete.

I search his eyes for a moment, frowning, trying to comprehend before I realize what he is saying.

“Yes, they are on the table,” I laugh softly.

He jumps up and starts to go to the door. 

He pauses, looking back at me, clearly wracking his brain with a question. 

“We can eat them in bed,” I say, knowing where his mind is trying to go. 

He smiles and continues his run to the kitchen.

I look out the window and see the sun hit the windows of nearby buildings.

It’s good to be home.

[7-wonders]

As Above, So Below Ch. 23

Summary: Your average, mundane life as a college student is flipped upside down when the man you thought you knew as your next-door neighbor turns out to be the God of the dead. When Michael lures you down to Hell, everything that you thought you knew about the world is proven wrong.

Word Count: 2512

A/N: Hi friends! I do believe that this is the last chapter for AASB. Believe me, I’m just as sad as you, but this feels like a natural conclusion. And don’t worry, there will be another “book,” but this is the end of this one. Thank you all so much for sticking with me on this journey, and for giving me so much love and support. 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23: It’s Not Living If It’s Not With You

Soft touches on your face serve as your alarm clock this morning, your mind and body waking up to the feeling of featherlight kisses all over your skin. Fluttering your eyes open, you smile when you meet a pair of adoring blue eyes twinkling back at you. Neither of you have left Michael’s chambers for the past two days, and you have to admit that being lavished with affection by the love of your life is something that you quickly got used to. You could honestly spend an eternity in bed with Michael, which is why it’s so easy for the days to slip away. This small vacation, unfortunately, must end.

“Good morning, darling mine,” Michael mutters against your lips, making you sigh contentedly as you lazily stroke his hair.

“This is certainly better than a traditional wake-up call.”

“Then I guess I shall have to wake you up like this every day.”

“Is that a promise?” You squeal with laughter when Michael’s hand brushes up your side, accidentally tickling you.

“Absolutely.” His hand continues to trail up the length of your body, eventually landing under a pillow as he searches for something. “I have a gift for you.”

“Michael, you’ve already given me so much,” you groan, still not used to the exorbitant gifts he’s fond of giving you.

“I’d give you all the stars in the sky, if I could. Just let me spoil you, alright?” You want to at least attempt to argue this point, but Michael makes it nearly impossible when every single touch conveys his undying love for you.

“Fine. What is it?”

Sitting up in bed, you let the blankets fall to your lap as you watch Michael fiind what he’s looking for and conceal it in his hand. His fingers fall open, allowing you to see the ring that’s sitting in his palm. It’s beautiful, with diamonds encrusted along the rose gold band. The top of the ring looks almost like a flower, and a large opal sits at the center. Light glints off of the stone, making it look as if it’s reflecting rainbows at you.

“Oh, Michael,” you trail, in awe of how stunning the ring is.

“I know that wedding rings are custom for mortal unions, and I wanted you to have a piece of your heritage.” He looks at you as he holds the ring between his fingers, waiting for you to nod before he slips it on your ring finger. “Hephaestus crafted the band from hellfire, and all of the gems are from Above.”

“Both of us are represented,” you grin at the realization, tearing your eyes away from the jewelry adorning your finger to beam at Michael. “I love it so much.”

“Do you really? Because we can always redesign it, if need be.”

You stop him from continuing that thought by kissing him. “It’s perfect, and everything I could have ever wanted in a ring.”

“Nothing could be as perfect as you, but I am glad that you think it comes close.”

“I love you,” you kiss him gratefully, “despite your horrendous one-liners.”

Michael slaps a hand over his chest to feign offense. “‘Horrendous?’ I happen to think that they’re clever.”

“If that’s what you want to call it,” you tease, trailing off when Michael picks up your hand and begins to kiss the back of it before running a finger delicately around your new ring. “So...what now?”

“Elaborate for me, love.”

“When you proposed to me,”

“Which was mere days ago,” Michael interjects with a grin.

“You had mentioned that it wouldn’t be a traditional marriage or anything like that. So who decides we’re married? I’m assuming there’s no immortal justice of the peace or an Olympus records office we have to go to to fill out a marriage certificate.”

“That’s where the problem lies. Most other gods and goddesses have been married for thousands of years, or they just aren’t married at all. We’re quite the anomaly.”

You groan. “Why do we always have to be the first? Couldn’t somebody else have defeated Satan and gotten married before us?”

“I suppose all that really makes it official is Violet’s approval of our union, since she’s the goddess of marriage. However, I can’t help but feel that’s very anticlimactic, and not the sort of beginning to a marriage that you deserve.”

Although your knowledge of weddings isn’t very vast, it does allow you to come up with an idea that Michael just might approve of. “Do you know what eloping is?”

//

No matter how many times you’ve elaborated on the informality aspect of an elopement, Michael is endearingly (or annoyingly; you haven’t decided yet) persistent on the idea of following the traditions of mortal weddings. Thus, the garden that Michael created for you has been deemed the site for the ceremony. Madison, Zoe, and Thanatos are the only “guests” invited, although you did tell Desa that she was more than welcome to join the festivities. Violet will act as, for lack of a better word, the officiant for this affair. Michael had even tried to insist that the dress follow the white color scheme, which is ironic because he should know better than anyone that you’re not “pure” like the color symbolizes. You do settle for a cream-colored dress with a lace overlay that falls down to your ankles and forms to every curve and dip of your body.

You want nothing more than to get this over with so that you can just be married to Michael, but everyone’s extremely excited about the first wedding to be held in a few millennia. Where you would have thought your friends would back you up on Michael’s quirkiness when it comes to the ceremony that’s supposed to be impromptu, they’re more than happy to help Michael with fulfilling any of his ideas for the wedding. This includes the groom not seeing the bride prior to the marriage, which is the most difficult aspect of this whirlwind of a wedding.

“(Y/N), are you ready?” Madison asks, knocking on the door. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you do a quick check to make sure that everything is exactly how you want it to look.

“Yes, but I think the question is if Michael is ready?” Madison opens the door, gasping when she sees you. “Seriously, I thought the bride was supposed to be the difficult one, not the groom.”

“Oh, you look so beautiful,” Madison coos, her hands falling on your shoulders as she gazes at you. “You almost make me want to wear white.”

“The highest of compliments,” you note, grinning at her through the mirror.

“I know that I’ve known Michael a lot longer, but I swear that if he hurts you in the slightest way I will kill him multiple times, in a variety of equally painful ways, until you deem that he’s suffered enough.” It doesn’t sound like a nice thing in the slightest, but this is the closest to sentimental that Madison can get.

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me!” You let out a delighted shriek when Madison throws her arms around you, hugging you tightly.

“I just--I really…”

“It’s okay,” you nod. “I know, and I love you too.”

“Thank you for not making me say it,” Madison mutters into your shoulder.

“You’ll get there eventually.” You pull away from Madison’s embrace, stifling a laugh as she tries to reassume her stone-cold bitch demeanor. “How’s Michael? He hasn’t run away yet or anything?”

“If anything, we’ve had to keep him from breaking his own rule and coming in to see you.”

“Well, I guess we shouldn’t keep him waiting too much longer, then.”

Madison takes your hand, making sure she didn’t mess up your outfit before walking with you towards the garden. “Wait ten seconds after I walk out, and then you can go.”

“Why ten?”

“So that all the attention is rightfully on you,” Madison smirks, opening the doors and walking through the garden like she’s walking a catwalk at Paris Fashion Week.

Counting in your head, you try to sneak a glance at Michael before the moment comes for you to officially see each other. While you can’t see him, you do notice the beautiful job that your guests did at decorating the garden. Twinkling lights are everywhere, and the sky has been charmed with a sunset that looks as if it’s been painted up there. The flowers are in full bloom, with some of the larger plants blooming in such abundance that they create an aisle. When ten seconds pass, you take a deep breath and step outside. 

You were never the type of girl to imagine your wedding growing up. In nursery school, when your classmates were playing wedding and house, you were more focused on building mini empires with Legos. As you got older and social media was factored into life, friends would have wedding Pinterest boards full of images of their idea of a “perfect” wedding. It was trivial, you believed, just girls conjuring a fantasyland. Besides, most of their weddings would be marred with ugly memories of fighting or divorce, and these ideas would just serve as a letdown.

Walking down the path to where Madison, Zoe, Thanatos, and Violet are gathered around your soon-to-be husband, you can see the appeal in the picture-perfect wedding. After all, this surely must be the affair that people have in mind when they think about their potential wedding. Seeing Michael standing mere feet away from you, exquisitely dressed in black and red with one of his expensive cloaks, is sheer perfection. He smiles when he lays his eyes on you, and you can see the breath leave his body as he gasps. You bite your lip, the intensity of his gaze spreading heat throughout your entire body.

“Hi,” you say shyly, taking his large hands as you face him.

“You’re the most divine being I’ve ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on,” he whispers reverently, like you’re the god instead of him.

“Hey lovebirds,” Madison chimes in, “you can undress each other with your eyes after this union has been blessed.”

“I’m sure we’ll be doing a lot more than that later, but thank you Madison,” Michael smirks as your eyes widen.

“Violet?” Your voice comes out as little more than a squeak, so you clear your throat and try again. “Are you ready to start?”

Violet’s glowing as she smiles at you, obviously thriving off of the marital excitement that hangs in the air. “Well, I’m extremely honored to be the one to oversee this marriage between two souls who are very dear to my heart. Before I get to blessing this union, I understand that Michael has some words he wants to say to his bride?”

You look at Michael in surprise; as far as you were aware, this was supposed to be a quick event.

“I apologize for not telling you that I was planning this, but then you would have come up with a speech of your own, and this is supposed to be about you.” You scrunch up your nose, not wanting to ruin his moment by interjecting. “For the entirety of my existence, I have been led to believe that I wasn’t capable of loving, or of being loved. I’m the God of the Dead, and I see the very worst of humanity. If I serve as the ‘Grim Reaper,’ why should I have people who love me? It was an assumption that I fought against for a long time, but you eventually begin to believe what people constantly tell you over long periods of time.

“All I had ever known was death, anger, and darkness. But then I met you, and you immediately brought color to my world. That color may have been your colorful language as you cursed out the grocery bags you were carrying, but it was color nonetheless. From the very beginning, you’ve captivated me every time I had the pleasure of laying my eyes on you. You’re intoxicating, a drug that I’m addicted to and have no intention of quitting. Getting to know you and love you has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life, which has been very long.”

You attempt to release one of your hands from Michael’s grasp so you can wipe away the tears that you can feel flowing down your face, but Michael beats you to it and uses his thumb to get rid of the tears. “These are happy tears, I promise,” you say with a laugh upon seeing a concerned look on his face.

“Good.” He kisses the back of your hand before picking up where he left off. “I could go on about all of the different ways that I love you, and though we now have all the time in the world for me to do so, I won’t bore those who would become an unwilling audience. For now, I will say that you are not my other half, for there wasn’t just a piece of me missing without you. You are the entirety of my soul. I’m not sure how I managed to function before you, and I know for certain that I would not be able to live if I were to be without you. I absolutely adore you, (Y/N). I love you more than I ever dreamed it was possible to love another thing, and I am so utterly thrilled that you have chosen me to be yours.”

“I love you,” you say earnestly, surging forward to kiss him. When you’re stopped by a hand on your shoulder, you groan. 

“Sorry, but you have to wait just a little bit longer before you can kiss your groom,” Violet says with a laugh. 

“You people live to make me miserable,” you mutter.

“Well then, we better hurry this up, huh?” Violet’s eyes twinkle with mirth. “As the goddess of marriage, I, Hera, hereby bless the union between (Y/N) and my brother, Hades. May your marriage be full of love, laughter, and prosperity until the end of time.”

“Go ahead and kiss!” Zoe calls out, nearly bouncing on her toes in excitement.

Michael looks at you with a devious smirk, grabbing you before you can even begin to question what he’s scheming. He dips your body until you’re almost parallel to the ground, surging down to meet you with a searing kiss. Whoops and hollers sound from around you, but all you can focus on is the feeling of your husband pressed up against you. 

“Wow,” you say breathlessly when he finally releases you, “that just might top every other kiss we’ve ever shared.”

Michael laughs heartily, the sound bringing pure joy to your heart, as he kisses you again, this time more chastely. “I love you.”

“I love you too, husband.”

Standing in the middle of your garden, newly married and basking in wedded bliss, the God of the Dead has never felt so alive.

//

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[altarflame]

On Aging While Female

I’ve always felt pretty strongly that it’s ok to get old, that old women are beautiful in a really valid and striking way, blah blah blah. I still feel this way, but I am also 39 now, and I have some, uh, insights that I did not have yet when I was spouting this shit in my 20s.

For the record I don’t feel old. At all. I don’t feel like I look old, either. I have a lot of enthusiasm and energy and my sex drive takes up a massive lot of my consciousness for having so much else going on. I still get mistaken for my daughters’ sister pretty regularly, still have my patients assume I’m 10 years younger than I am fairly often. I’ve got a wide sense of possibility and of having a lot of life ahead of me, and I’ve got some perspective on 39 not even BEING old anyway, even if I 100% looked and felt it. I know too many hot, dynamic, interesting women in their 40s. They make it look good. They’re inspiring. I hope to do the same. 

But ALSO. I didn’t use to get it, that like, YEAH OK being 80 and looking 80? Fine. Wondrous even. I am all the way here for the Iris Apfel, the Baddie Winkle, the Burning Lotus. Screw plastic surgery etc etc.  ....but what about the transition? What about the starting to shift? This is the weird part, the struggle I didn’t really contemplate, the in between phase of like, appearing middle aged??? It involves things like, just looking tired to people. Someone assuming you’ve been sick when you haven’t. People thinking you look grumpy in a picture because of new lines that don’t go away. Realizing particular things that used to go away after being awake for awhile (like eye puffiness), are all-the-time things now.  For instance, I’ve always thought long white/gray hair was gorgeous. Fuck, it’s a trend now for younger people to dye their hair that way. What I didn’t grasp was that one of my favorite things about how I look, historically, is the contrast between my very dark hair and my much lighter skin, and that with all the white clustering right at the very front, I lose a lot of that contrast. It kinda washes me out, at least comparatively. And the white hair is like, wiry wild, and goes all over the place of it’s own accord, which sounds great except that I’m trying to be a professional at least some of the time, now - one who doesn’t wear makeup or go to a salon and who still bites my nails and will only wear flats. So the fuzzy white hairs framing my forehead are not helping anything.

And so I started thinking, man, it would give me some polished cred, and it would bring that deep contrast back, to do something about this. Which is how I ended up slathering dark purple overtone on the front of my hair every few weeks - which works great by the way, all my white hairs turn dark purple and my still-dark hairs (which is the vast majority of my hairs) aren’t effected. It blends together invisibly indoors, but then the dyed hairs shine purple in sunlight. This has been going on for about a year now. It’s a good bridge between my personal aesthetics and my “part of a company” role, as a solution. The indian grandmother down the street from my last house? STUNNING with her brown skin and white hair. Truly. She had a Noxzema commercial kinda glamour that always struck me as she worked in her yard. It’s a different kind of contrast and one I can imagine rocking decades from now. Again, though, that is like.... finished? It’s not the in between place, of having 1/6 (or whatever) of dark hair be white, having them loose and randomized throughout and each bending away from the rest at odd angles. My (younger, did I mention) boyfriend is super into salt and pepper hair, he acted a little disappointed (in an encouraging, “it’s your hair” way) when I started the purple thing, and that’s something I appreciate but also I ACTUALLY RECOILED against the term “salt and pepper” and had never applied it to myself before it came out of his supportive mouth? God love him? That’s a Nana and Pa term, way back in my memory. Did I mention that my 33 year old boyfriend (not THAT much younger) works with a bunch of 19-22 year old women (....)? I’m secure enough that I’m objective, I talk about who’s hot with him, I feel like they seem young - to both of us - much more often than I feel like I seem old. 

But it still makes me think about all of this more often than I would otherwise, which even in a neutral way, can turn sigh-worthy. Like his coworkers don’t have anything to do with me, but if he worked with people our ages (or older coworkers, like I mostly do) I wouldn’t be pondering all this so often because it just wouldn’t come up. Most of my friends are either exactly my age or 5-10 years older than me. And then there’s the one who’s in her 70s   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like the other day one of his coworkers told him about a local 35 and under kink group, and luckily he automatically feels like he’d feel predatory being part of some fetish scene where he’s 33 and a bunch of the women are 18-25. But I was still double-taking inside myself for a moment, like excuse me, there are local kink groups I am too old to be a part of? Excuse the fuck out of me? 

Note: I do not want to participate in local kink groups anyway. 

It’s weirdly difficult to be comfortable with The Middle Part. Personally. That I can still look just like I did 7-10 years ago, IF I’ve been eating all the right things, getting plenty of sleep, it’s late in the day, and I’ve had sex recently; BUT that nobody at my job has ever seen that version of my face, because what I look like when I have to get up early and show up to print something is real goddamned different. And not what I want to be like, stuck with all the time, soon? But it is what it is. And it isn’t TERRIBLE, it’s just, thought provoking enough that I’m making this post. While glops of purple overtone sit on my head. FYI this stuff is great, it smells like mint and is deep conditioning, I really recommend it. It’s expensive if you have to wash your hair often, but I only wash my curls every few days anyway - and I’m really only using the overtone on the front - so it works out fine for me. 

It’s strange to try to OWN a transitional time, to try to identify as a stage that signifies certain losses, and tends to make most people feel like they’re trying to “hold on” to various things. I’m pretty good about taking one day at a time. Being where and how I am. But I’m also gonna be, like, real sad when my titties drop. It’s almost a source of stress that they’re still amazing, because, you know, one of these times that my weight fluctuates they’re not gonna bounce back the same way. I assume. I have known a lot of moms who accepted and even promoted the normality of saggy post-nursing boobs, and that’s cool, but mine never sagged, and I’m real spoiled about it.  It’s been a tepid surprise, that I think I look waaaaaay older in my business casual clothing, than I do in my personal clothing. It makes me not ever want to be seen out in work clothes unless I’m working. And that’s partially about struggling with “professional identity,” in general, but still.

Anyway - thus concludes my pondering, for today. Feel free to weigh in with messages or submissions if you feel so moved. 

[outlanderpromptexchange]

OUTLANDER PROMPT EXCHANGE: ONE-SHOTS

Welcome to the Outlander Prompt Exchange: One-Shot Challenge, a fandom event designed to be quick, simple and something new(ish) to help get us through another month of Droughtlander. The rules are simple: be kind and patient with both yourself and others... and get creative! ♥

1 - 7 SEPTEMBER 2020: PROMPT EXCHANGE

SUBMIT A CLAIM: From the 1st of September readers and writers alike are invited to submit a prompt via the blog’s inbox. This month’s theme, one-shots, is quite broad and it only follows that prompts can be too! This means any character, relationship, scenario, location, quote, etc. are eligible so long as they are (or can be) Outlander-related. Submit a prompt now! 

CLAIM A PROMPT: Prompts are available to be claimed from the Prompt Masterlist below at any time. Simply send a message via the blog’s inbox with the prompt # and it’s yours! Note: each prompt can only be claimed once and will be allocated on a ‘first in first served’ basis. Claim a prompt now!

8 - 30 SEPTEMBER 2020: PUBLICATION

PUBLISH A ONE-SHOT: From the 8th of September through to the end of the month writers can publish their work at any time and in any space. Please remember to use #OutlanderPromptExchange where possible, tag @outlanderpromptexchange​ and/or send through a link so that we may also share your work.  

Do you still have questions? FAQ available here!

PROMPT MASTERLIST

1.  Jamie and Claire are hippies who met at Woodstock.

2.  Student Exchange - High school student Claire comes to stay with the Fraser family for 6 weeks while Jenny goes to stay with the Beauchamp family in Oxford.

3. Fake Relationship AU: Jamie Fraser wants to formally adopt his foster son Fergus but his application isn’t likely to get approved... unless he’s married and/or in a committed relationship. Enter one Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp (Randall?).  claimed by @underthewingsofthblackeagle​

4. The first time Fergus and Marsali meet

5. I’m Concerned for her brother’s welfare Jenny pushes Jamie to leave Lallybroch\Scotland after Culloden. Where does Jamie (and Fergus?) go? What do they do?

6. Imagine Claire only promised to return to the 20th century and to see their baby safe. What if Claire refused to promise to go back to Frank? What if Claire successfully argued that she couldn’t promise to return to Frank because she has no way of knowing Frank’s circumstance after 3 years or if he will even take her back. Will Claire make different choices as a result?

7. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

8. To the victor the spoils.

9. Haste ye back claimed by @jamiemackenziefraser​

10. Cruel is the snow that sweeps Glencoe.

11. Adso to the rescue!

12. Jemmy copies his Granda.

13. Ghost 👻

14. Physician, heal thyself.

15. Tall tale.

16. Karma’s a bitch.

17. Imagine BJR does not travel to Paris. There is no duel. There is no pardon.

18. What if Simon MacKimmie had survived prison?

19. Brianna Ellen Beauchamp 

20. In A. Malcolm, Jamie was surprised to find out he had a daughter named Brianna... imagine if Claire had actually given birth to twins.

21. Upon returning to the 20th century and searching frantically for evidence that Jamie survived, what if Claire begged Mrs Graham to read her palm/tea leaves again. What does Mrs Graham see?

22. A pickpocket named Claudel. Imagine Fergus writes a book of his adventures.

23. In 1x01 Jamie’s ghost is looking up at Claire through the window. What was Jamie thinking as he stood there?

24. ‘We thought you were dead until we received your chest from castle Leoch’ -- Lallybroch, Season One. Imagine Jenny’s reaction to discovering her brother is still alive.

25. Kid Fic! Claire goes through the stones as a young child (or teenager).

26. More of Jamie POV pre, during and/or post wedding.

27. Coffee, tea or me?

28. Courage under fire.

29. Whilst in Paris Claire tells Jamie, Fergus and Murtagh the story of The Three Musketeers.

30. Murtagh hates the thought of Jocasta marrying anyone but him. A sudden proposal leads to Jamie and Claire witnessing a secret and romantic handfasting. 💕

31. Imagine an AU where Frank only tolerates Brianna. He’s not cruel just indifferent and emotionally unavailable. Will Claire stay? Go? Overcompensate?

32. Thunderbolt and lightning, very very frightening....

33. Penance

34. Sixth sense: Brianna has ‘the sight’ and knows much more than Claire and Frank realise. What if Brianna is asked to give Claire a message? What is the message and who sends it?

[shannendoherty-fans]

People, September 9th 1991

High School Confidential

By Tom Gliatto and Michael Alexander.

Photos by Mark Sennett.

Beverly Hills, 90210 Gets Its Heat from a Dangerously Cute Cast of TV's Hottest New Stars CONFIDENTIAL MEMO: FROM: The Vice Principal TO: The Faculty, High School U.S.A. I'm sure I don't need to remind you what happened when we didn't prepare for Bart Simpson last fall. The school was flooded with rude, antieducational T-shirts. Some cows were had. Well, as a new school year gets under way, I believe we face another daunting challenge: Brace yourselves for Beverly Hills, 90210. That's the Fox drama about unworldly twin teens Brandon and Brenda Walsh (played by Jason Priestley and Shannen Doherty), recent transferees from Minneapolis to the Hills of Beverly. There they struggle to assimilate into the fast-lane lifestyle of West Beverly Hills High School, where the kids come equipped with BMWs, call waiting and designer surfboards. In the process, the teens examine their emerging identities and the problems that adolescents everywhere face.

The show languished in the Nielsen ratings against Thursday powerhouse Cheers last year. But Fox had no replacement, so it stayed. While we were on summer vacation, new 90210 episodes began airing, and the show landed in the Top 20, becoming the most popular show among teenagers. To some extent, I take responsibility for having ignored 90210. I made the mistake of reading newspaper critics instead of my daughter's diary, and so I believed, as Howard Rosenberg sniffed in the Los Angeles Times, that the show was merely a "ZIP code for stereotypes and stock characters." Little did I know that this show would mesmerize teens by doing emotionally realistic shows that involved adolescent rebellion, alcoholic; parents, a breast-cancer scare and plenty of worrisome teen sex. "Most shows for adolescents," says 90210 creator Darren Star, "seem like they are written by 50-year-olds who think teenagers behave like 7-year-olds."

It also doesn't hurt that the show's male stars, Priestley and Luke Perry (who plays brooding loner Dylan McKay), are "to die for," as my daughter puts it. These two have each been receiving about 1,500 fan letters a week. So be vigilant: Surely some of these will be written by our students...during class! And I'm afraid that 90210 is only going to get bigger with our kids, if producer Aaron Spelling is to be believed. "I thought The Mod Squad and Charlie's Angels got a lot of publicity in their heyday," says Spelling, whose company produced those shows, "but it doesn't compare to this. It's crazy. We have merchandising coming out of our ears"—a complete line of T-shirts, beach towels, notebooks, etc. "And now these actors can't walk down the street!"

Or even streak through malls. You probably saw those alarming news reports about a frenzied mob of 10,000 fans that stampeded Perry when he appeared at a south Florida mall last month. "It's a little scary," says Perry. Scarier is the amount of time students will waste this fall discussing Luke. And Jason. And who is sexier. I provide some information on the two. Jason Priestley, 22, plays Brandon Walsh, a model of thoughtful level-headedness. In real life, however, the brown-haired, blue-eyed star, who started acting in commercials at age 4 and played an orphan on that very nice NBC sitcom Sister Kate, is no Oliver Twist. He likes dirt bikes, bungee jumping and is a chain-smoker (just about the whole cast puffs it up—but not on-camera). Vancouver-born Priestley likes to hang out in Las Vegas. As for his real romantic life, he was reportedly dating actress Robin (Doogie Howser, M.D.) Lively last spring, but it seems likely that now he is too busy for such dalliance;. He must be on the set 14 hours a day, five days a week. To avoid ever-present fans, Priestley says, "I look different from my character when I'm just walking around. I don't shave, I don't dress like Brandon."

On the show, 26-year-old Luke Perry (Brenda Walsh's boyfriend, Dylan) sports a leather jacket, dagger sideburns and a squint that spells t-r-o-u-b-l-e. Although he grew up and graduated from high school in Fredericktown, Ohio, he seems to have attended James Dean wise-guy classes. Perry, who played country-boy Ned Bates on the ABC soap Loving, entertains the 90210 cast by strutting around bare-chested making jokes. Does he have a girlfriend? "No. You know how I can get in touch with Linda Hamilton?" What kind of music does he listen to? "Tom Jones is awesome." Are he and Priestley ever mistaken for each other? "He's mistaken for me on his good days." And 90210, he says, is "the best show on television, except for Jeopardy!" We should act quickly, faculty, when we see any signs that Beverly Hills, 90210 is disrupting normal student activity.

How abnormal might things get? Consider: "It's almost like there are cults," says Brian Austin Green, 18, the North Hollywood High grad who plays the cutely dweeby David Silver. "Girls go to school the day after the show, and they actually become these characters. They say, 'Okay, today I want to be Dylan, you can be Brenda, you can be Brandon.' " Needless to say, students caught pretending to be TV characters should be brought directly to my office for detention. But you know, it might not be a bad thing if our students could show some of the good sense that the 90210ers display in coping with the pressures of fame and fortune. Jennie Garth, 19, who plays the very sexy, very blond, very snotty Kelly Taylor, is particularly admirable. The youngest of seven children, she grew up on a farm near Champaign, Ill., until her schoolteacher parents moved to Phoenix when she was 13. "Living in a small town and coming from a very tight and close family instilled a lot of standards that I need to live up to," says Garth, who just bought a home in Sherman Oaks. She also recently supplied her parents with the down payment for their new home, setting a splendid example for today's youth.

According to a tabloid that someone left in the faculty lounge, Memphis-raised Shannen Doherty, 20, a veteran of such wonderful shows as Little House: A New Beginning, is the only cast member to be accused of behaving like "a spoiled brat" on the set. But she maintains she is no such thing. "I think everybody gets in a bad mood," Shannen says. "You do not work 16-hour days and not start feeling it. But I have never thrown a tantrum. I've gotten upset on the set, but it's never been just to be a bitch. You have to stand up for yourself in this business. That was something I was told when I was 12 years old and working with Michael Landon."

As with about half the cast members, Doherty is in a relationship—in her case, a real-estate developer with whom she's exchanged commitment rings. "You really have to date a while before you decide if this is the person you want to marry," she says with Brenda-like candor. Almost sounds like the relationship could be a future 90210 plot. "The problems of young people have accelerated," says Aaron Spelling, "and so have their feelings and thoughts." The show, he says, has kept pace: Even with their Clearasil-perfect complexions and plump allowances, the students at Beverly Hills have encountered their share of problems. "We had the guts to make Luke Perry be a member of AA," says Spelling. "We had Jason, our star, drinking and driving. That's reality."

And, apparently, the adulatory fan mail often includes a sad dose of that reality. "I got a letter the other day from a girl who mentioned the show we did on parental drug abuse," says Perry in a rare moment of seriousness. "She wrote about catching her father freebasing in the basement. I get letters like that all the time, from people all over the country." Gabrielle Carteris (at age 30, she's 90210's oldest cast-kid), who plays Andrea Zuckerman, the bright student who comes from the wrong side of Rodeo Drive, remembers an encouraging close encounter in a grocery store. "One girl came up to me after we'd done the breast-cancer show," says Carteris. "She said, 'I went home with all my friends and we checked our breasts for lumps.' "

In conclusion: Maybe I didn't need to write this memo. Maybe things won't be that bad, even if every locker in every corridor has a picture of Jason, Luke, Shannen or Jennie in it. Perhaps our dear little school is more like West Beverly Hills High—at least the TV version—than I thought. That's what Ian Ziering, 27, thinks too. "The reality on the show pretty much mirrors the way life is all over, in terms of teenagers," says New Jersey—bred Ziering, who once did Fruit of the Loom underwear ads and now plays 90210's curly-headed jock, Steve Sanders. "There's a mystique about Beverly Hills. But that's not what keeps people tuning in. The show could have been Montana E-I-E-I-O." By the way, should any student pronounce his name "eee-an," correct him or her, please. It's "eye-an."

-- WHEN BEVERLY HILLS, 90210 PREMIERED last October, Highlights, the student newspaper at Beverly Hills High, ran articles mocking the school's TV counterpart, West Beverly Hills High. "They said that the show was a joke," says Jenny Brandt, 14, a sophomore at the 1,900-student school. But as the story lines improved and Jason Priestley and Luke Perry became stars, the jokes stopped, and Brandt found herself, like many of her pals, glued to the set on Thursday nights from 9 to 10 P.M. "No phone calls allowed," says Brandt. "Except during commercials." Hope Levy, a 17-year-old senior, has taken fandom a step further with her friends. "We have little handmade cards," she says, speaking from her mom's car phone. "They say you're a member of Club 90210." While some kids think the show treats them as snobby stereotypes, most agree with sophomore Jordan Rynes when he says, "It's like a soap opera for teens. The shows dealing with drinking and drugs are the most real—adults don't realize how accurate it is."

[ashtheauthor]

this morning, i mopped spoiled milk from my kitchen floor with dirty towels that haven’t been washed in weeks.

the fridge holds schrodinger’s meals from a month ago, maybe two. if the door never opens, i can imagine they sit there, all in a pretty line. if the fridge never opens, i can imagine the strawberries i bought in june still a vibrant red, still sweet and filled with juice that might run down my chin if i bite into it. if the fridge never opens, i never see the strawberries consumed by mold, eaten away into nothing but shriveled brown flesh.

there are a limited number of days that willful ignorance works, it turns out. wounds will fester like the milk that went bad in may, will bubble up with toxic gas, will burst through the confines of the plastic jug, will coat everything inside in its putridness until it leeches out onto the floor. everything it can touch will soak it up and be ruined. the smell will linger no matter how much bleach scented with fake lemon is thrown on top.

i was meant to be in the car by 8:15, but i forgot the medicine that makes me human yesterday morning, last night, and this morning, too. but forgetfulness is just the lie that’s easiest to swallow. i knew. i saw the bottles. i portioned each medication into my daily dose, and i placed it in a plastic sandwich bag so I could shamefully take those 7 pills alone at work after i’ve forced something — anything — into my stomach to cushion the blow.

i didn’t forget the medicine. i couldn’t take it without food. i didn’t forget to eat. the monster in the mirror with her dark circles, blemished skin, and rolls of fat said i wasn’t allowed.

i was allowed, of course, but the monster’s ravenous twin ruined the morning’s meal for me, gorging instead last night on two chocolate bars and a bag of potato chips, the only chips made in west virginia. every bite was taken to fill the void left by not being good enough, for being unable to hold back tears when my boss copied me on an email searching for my replacement.

i looked back at old photos yesterday and cried. i see myself at 13, and i think: this beautiful girl thinks she’s a monster, thinks she deserves what she’s suffered, thinks she won’t live past twenty-three. i ache for her. i hold myself back from clawing at the tapestry the fates have already weaved, from screaming at my phone screen in the dark that this girl is good enough. i see myself at 18, a girl who doesn’t know who she is without her mother telling her. a girl who is moving 5 hours away from home and can breathe for the first time when zero familiar faces pass her on campus. she can be anyone she wants, but still, i sit here and scream. “you’re killing yourself,” i want to say, “you’re killing yourself, and you need to stop because your mom — your best friend — is going to die soon and you can’t go, too.” i see myself at 19, 20, 21, 22. i see a body and mind ravaged. i see a girl going through the motions and trying to survive herself. her mind attacks her, as does her body, and everything she does to fight only hurts her more.

i see myself at 23, sobbing over a homemade cobbler alone. i see relief to make it to the age she never could see herself making it to. i see fear at not knowing what lies beyond the time that was meant to be the end.

i see myself now. “tremendously smart . . . wonderful to work with.” reaching desperately toward the future, fingers outstretched and ready to wrap around whatever opportunity might allow her that close. i see a capable woman. a strong woman. a resilient woman.

but then i see me. the same woman kneeling on an unswept linoleum floor, mopping up milk that exploded because i couldn’t bring myself to take out what has gone bad and throw it away. i take the milk-soiled towels to the washing machine, but i have to step over 4 separate piles of laundry to get there. i want to rid my hands of the smell, but i cannot use the sink. there is another towel and all my makeup in there, so i use the tub instead.

i want to sleep, to drift off in the company of my emotional support cat who misread his assignment and my dog who turned 11 today, who’s been there for me for 10 years, 3 months, and 10 days. but the sheets are in the floor and i’ve been sleeping on my couch for 2 months.

i don’t know when i talked out loud to a friend last. i don’t know when i’ve seen a friend. do i even have them left? did they wait for me while i tried my best to keep my mind together?

i am fine, but i am not okay.

i am lost, but i can’t afford to take the road back to retrace my steps.

this morning, i mopped spoiled milk from my kitchen floor.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1 - Who was the last person to give you a gift? What was the reason for it? My mom got me a Christmas rug the other day just because she saw it and knew I would like it.

2 - Are you a good cook? If so, who taught you? What’s your favourite thing to cook? Nope. I don’t cook except for ramen and easy, convenient things in the oven and microwave. 

3 - When was the last time something in your house broke? Did you manage to fix it or did you need to buy a replacement? The light switch in our kitchen is spotty. Not sure how we’ll go about fixing it.

4 - Is any part of your body hurting right now? What caused that pain? My back. I have chronic back pain issues from severe scoliosis and two horrible spinal fusion surgeries. The metal rods also need to come out, but the surgery would be extremely invasive and extensive because I’ve had them in me since I was like 11 years old. It’s not something I want to do

5 - Do you have anything exciting planned for the upcoming weekend? It’s the weekend now and it’ll consist of my usual everyday activities. 

6 - If you could spend two weeks in any city in the world, which city would you pick and why? Nowhere at the moment of course, but in a safer time there’s a few places that instantly come to mind. I can’t wait to be able to travel again and feel safe to be out and doing things. Who knows when that will be, though.

7 - When was the last time you tripped or fell in public? if there was nobody around to see you, did you still feel embarrassed? It’s been several years since I’ve fallen at all, thankfully. It’s happened a few times, some of which were at school and that was super embarrassing. As someone in a wheelchair, it’s not like I could just jump up real quick and try to play it cool or quickly run off, so yeah. Not fun. The last time I feel, though, it was actually going out my front door. I don’t know what happened, but before I realized what was happening or could try to do anything about it I found myself on the ground. Thankfully, my mom was home and able to help me. I was fine, physically. More than anything it leaves me feeling very shaken up and takes me a minute to collect myself. I have gotten some nasty scratches on my hands before, though.

8 - The last time you made a sandwich, what did you put in there? I think it was a turkey and salami sandwich with Colby Jack cheese and mayo.

9 - How many hours sleep did you get last night? Was that enough for you or could you have slept for longer? Like 5ish. It never feels like enough regardless.

10 - What’s your favourite time of day? What’s your favourite thing to do at that time? I like my first cup of coffee of the day and my nighttime routine time.

11 - Where did you go the last time you left your house? I had a doctor appointment. Afterwards, I rode along while my brother ran an errand and then we picked up some lunch on the way home.

12 - Are you tired right now? Will you be going to bed anytime soon? I’m always tired. I plan on trying to do a few more surveys before attempting sleep.

13 - How many times a week do you get takeaway coffee, if you get it at all? Well, ever since Starbucks released their holiday drinks this year I’ve been getting it seriously almost everyday. I’d say 4-5 times a week. I don’t ordinarily get it nearly that often, but for some reason I’ve been on a serious peppermint white chocolate mocha kick this year and want it everyday. My coffee at home hasn’t been doing it for me, which is not good lol I’ve been spoiled too long now. :X

14 - What radio station do you listen to the most? It’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio.

15 - If you eat steak, how do you like it cooked? What sauces or sides do you like to go with it? I do not like steak.

16 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury pancakes? What toppings do you have on them? Just regular ol’ pancakes with butter and maple syrup. It’s been awhile since I’ve had pancakes now that I think of it.

17 - Are you someone who cracks their joints a lot? Which one(s) do you tend to crack and click the most? I do it with my fingers and I stretch out my arms a lot because my arms are usually in a bent elbow position if that makes sense?

18 - Have you ever taken medication or tablets to help you sleep? is this something you do on a regular basis? I’ve tried like Melatonin before, but that’s it. It was just like a few times. I’ve drank chamomile tea many times, though, and I find it helps. If I want a sleep aid, I’d go for that instead.

19 - For you, what’s the worst thing about getting up in the morning? What about the worst thing about going to bed tonight? The getting up part? ha. I feel like such a zombie and need time to get up. In a perfect world I’d have someone who handed me a coffee everyday as soon as I got up haha. The worst part about going to bed is just getting to sleep.

20 - Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? I’d go for regular if I was going to drink soda.

21 - What do you tend to wear if you’re just hanging about the house for the day? My everyday attire is leggings and an oversized graphic tee. Basically all of my time is hanging around the house, especially this year, but even if I do go somewhere I’d wear the same thing.

22 - When was the last time you dyed your hair? Did you do it yourself or get it done at a hairdresser? I last got it done at the place I regularly go to back in February.

23 - Does having to wear a mask stop you doing things? Is this because you struggle wearing one or you just don’t like it? I honestly don’t mind wearing them. To be fair, though, I don’t have to wear them for long periods of time like many people do. 

24 - Have you ever witnessed a car accident? Or have you perhaps been involved in one yourself? Were you at fault? I’ve witnessed them, but I have not been involved in one.

25 - When was the last time you baked a cake? What cake was it? It’s been a few years, but it was likely a funfetti cake.

26 - Do you like wearing bows or accessories in your hair? I only wear scrunchies now, but I was into bows for awhile when I was younger. I had several to try and accessorize with my outfits.

27 - How many books do you read in a year? Do you enjoy reading or do you have to really force yourself to sit down and read? I love reading and do quite a lot of it. The amount I read varies each year, of course. I’m not sure how many I’ve read this year, but it’s a lot. I could figure it out since they’re all ebooks on my Kindle app, but.... I don’t feel like checking right now.

28 - If you have pets, where did they come from? A breeder, a rescue or maybe a friend who bred their pet? We adopted her. <3

29 - Do you make your bed every morning when you get up? It’s always made because I sleep on top of it and just use a throw blanket I keep to the side.

30 - When was the last time you got takeaway food? Was it good? Last night. It was good, but my appetite was messed up so I didn’t enjoy it as much as I normally would.

[whats-the-story-tc]

JULY TC CHALLENGE

To show you how very not dead I am, here are all my answers! Challenge made by @baeby-tc who is an amazing asset to the community and I'm so glad she's here

1. Describe your TC's physical appearance.

Well, she looks like me.

What do I look like? Her.

2. What was the first thing you've ever said to your TC?

Probably "yes" or "here" as I vaguely remember her taking attendance roll the first time I met her as a substitute.

3. Is your TC single or taken? Or are you unsure? And are you single or taken?

She's taken, I'm single with no real need to mingle rn.

4. Is your TC more of the athletic type, the nerdy type or the artsy type?

All three, somehow. She's incredibly athletic, a huge ass nerd, and a tiny bit artsy, though I don't think I've seen her draw, but I know she sometimes crafts things.

5. If you and your TC were in high school together, do you think you'd be friends?

Most likely. Though I think we'd be constantly pitted against each other, what with our similar strengths, and those are prone to ruin relationships, but... sure. I think so.

6. Name one song that reminds you of your TC and explain why that song reminds you of them.

Oof. What the Water Gave Me by Florence + The Machine. Back in like January-March, when I was probably most head-over-heels for her, I listened to it all the time.

7. Is your TC fashionable or are they more of the simple type? What is one outfit you'd love to see them wear?

Smart casual, I'd say, with a hint of geek. And I'd really love to see her in dresses more often. She kills it.

8. Would you be willing to become a teacher and teach your TC's subject if it meant you two could be together?

I'd do it without her, because if it wasn't for theatre, I'd probably go into literature, but... yeah. Sure. I'm all for confusing students which one of us is which.

9. Does your TC drink or smoke?

Oh, she drinks. I have a feeling the stories she shares with us are the mild ones.

10. Name one item that is always on your TC's desk.

Her bag. She comes in and throws her tote bag on the teachers' desk, first thing. But if we mean the one in the teachers' lounge, where all her stuff is... the stuffed fox on the cabinet next to the desk.

11. Has your TC ever done anything that has either thrown you off, annoyed you, angered you or bothered you in any way? If so, what did they do?

Oh, she has. Half of it you know. There's one I don't think I've told you about, though, from October of 2018, one month into us knowing each other. I got into an argument with Cynical Twat in class, and V jokingly asked "Are you two dating?" to which I very loudly responded "WITH HIM?". I was super embarrassed about it, and for about two weeks, I was really angry with V and looked for any chance to get back at her for it. Then I just... forgave her, over time, like nothing ever happened.

12. Does your TC have any past jobs that you know of, before becoming a teacher?

Nothing I know of that wasn't teaching.

13. Does your TC have kids or siblings? If so, how many?

I think she might have a sibling. She mentioned it to me once, but I'm not entirely sure.

14. Are you taking your TC's class next year?

If V remains my English teacher next year, which is more than probable, we'll be meeting even more often, four classes a week instead of three, plus one English extracurricular which I'm taking because of my pre-graduation exams, so that's... five classes weekly with V. If she stays, you guys will be spoiled.

15. Has your TC ever met your parents? If you were there, what was the meeting like?

She has seen both of them, and both have seen her, but I don't think either parties remember each other. With my mum was when we briefly met V in a shopping mall in December of 2018, and with my dad in June of 2019 at school. I remember telling both of them "that was my literature teacher", but I don't think they'd recognise her face.

16. Has your TC ever given you detention? If so, what was it like?

Ain't no detention where I'm from, oop----

17. Has your TC ever failed you? If so, how did you react? If not, how would you react?

As in, fail me from English? Bitch, I feel bad if I get a B in her class, if she failed me I'd probably move to Peru or some shit-----

18. What are your TC's hobbies/interests? Are they similar to yours?

Well, we're alike in liking books and watching shows, but she's also a gamer and likes cooking.

19. Have you ever spoken on the phone with your TC? What did you talk about?

Nope, haven't had the chance.

20. If you had your TC's class during quarantine, what were your Zoom calls like? If not, have you spoken to your TC since quarantine?

I did have her class, though they weren't on Zoom, and as you could probably see from my posts, they were a fucking rollercoaster.

21. If you had the chance to go anywhere in the world with your TC, where would you go? What would you do?

I have a favourite park in my city, one that's always really calm and has this insanely magical athmosphere. I'd probably take her there and just... talk. It wouldn't have to be a confession kinda conversation, not at all, just... just us, having time and talking because we can and we want to, about absolutely anything.

22. Does your TC have any nicknames for you?

No specifics for me, but she has called me something that best translates to babygirl/babydoll on two occasions, both of which you can read about below.

23. Have you ever cried in front of your TC? Why? How did they react?

January 24th is all I'm saying.

24. Have you ever walked/drove to/from school with your TC?

Nope :c

25. Do you know which teachers your TC is friends with at school? If so, do you like those teachers?

She doesn't really have friends, per say. She's friendly with her colleagues (my homeroom teacher, for example) and can be seen talking to them, but I don't think she's actually friends with any of them.

26. Why does your TC's voice sound like?

Why? Probably because she's speaking?

All jokes aside — soothing. My next story post is gonna prove that.

27. Do you like your TC as a teacher? Are they a good teacher?

She's bloody fantastic at her job. One of the best I've ever had, and this is not just my bias speaking. The woman scored herself an in-school award for teachers THE YEAR SHE CAME HERE. Believe me when I tell you: she's that good.

28. Does your TC prefer books, shows or movies?

Knowing her, probably books.

29. Is your TC stern or easy going in class?

A bit of both. What she needs to be in that given moment.

30. How would you describe you and your TC's relationship?

Close. Sometimes we get along like a house on fire, other times we don't at all seem to understand each other, but even so, I'd say we're close. And I don't mean to be assuming shit here, but I think we both mean a lot to each other, though on vastly different levels.

31. Do you address your TC by their first or last name?

- Miss, when I'm addressing her directly

- Miss [Last name], when I'm talking about her to other teachers or adults, like my parents or my psychologist

- Last name, when I'm talking about her to my classmates

- First name, when I'm talking about her to my friends

- V, here on the blog

- Either one of the many nicknames I have for her, in my diary

This was a lot of fun to do! If you guys find the time, go ahead and do it yourselves~

~ S ♡