#an unexpected pick me up
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Hey💜
Just know that you are beautiful and loved. Everything you do is perfect and appreciated. Everything you say is interesting and inspiring. Keep it up my beloved friend 💜 know that I love you so much and I'm thinking of you even though we don't know much about each other and talk to each other. And if we do, please know that I adore you so much, and you have a very special place in my heart, all of you 💜 just little me, reminding you how wonderful you are, in case you need it 💞
Ooh, Yelena!! 🥺💗💜💖 I really needed this today, honey. Thank you. You're a good one. One of the best, babe. Never forget it. 🤗💕
#yelena my beloved#you are too sweet#never change baby#answered asks#yelena asks#i deliver#an unexpected pick me up#i love my mutuals#my loves
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August: Day 17
Adventures
Recruited into apple-picking. Gathered some good apples, and more bad apples.
Accomplishments
Read The Book of Joyous Children by James Whitcomb Riley
Figured out the sequence of events for the first several scenes of the Arateph Rapunzel. Jotted down a basic outline.
#adventures in august#you might think the headings are reversed but they're not#the apple picking was an unexpected adventure that took up most of my free time#the poetry book took care of another item on my reading list#and the outline was an accomplishment#i've been puzzling over that opening#how and when and where to introduce characters and worldbuilding#and where i wanted the story to start#today the solution came to me#allowing me to start where i wanted to#and filling in the exposition in a more fun and natural and important part of the story#it's wonderful when you get an idea that works so perfectly that you have to clap for sheer delight
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today i succeeded at a quest called Enable Your Girlfriend To Eat Dinner Before 3AM and i feel reasonably good about it
#the quest had various perils#mainly 'they forgot the tupperware of leftovers in our kitchen and i had to bring it them at work'#which i scaled handily. and even managed to find a time window for them to pick it up when they were not in a BL3 sterile suit#and therefore unable to receive texts! total success#box opener#now we work two buildings apart and i had to go in to the lab anyway. so this was not one of the great trials of the age#but i still feel useful and filled with triumph#theres something very satisfying‚ when you are a person who constantly makes minor stupid disorganization errors‚#about being able to completely rescue someone else from any consequences of a minor disorganization-based error.#you can just unhappen it! it never occurred! no mild problems to be had!!#also 🌸 is deliriously beautiful and perfect and i got to SEE THEM at an UNEXPECTED TIME#which was thrilling for me. as it always is.
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Fernando and Fisi pictures that I like and enjoy a normal amount (pt. 1: 2005)
#please please please lmk in the tags which are your favs and why#ill go first: the one where theyre holding up the engine in a very babygirl way and the one where theyre being picked up#but also all the post aus gp ones(the ones where they're holding hands above their heads)#ALSO THE ONES OF THEM IN STRIPED SUITS IT IS SERVING CORRUPT MAFIA MEN#actually i need to stop before i list every pic...like the point of the post is that i love all these pics....#anyways i think theyre v endearing to me as a duo bcs theyre relatively the same height and those cute renault suits make them look shorter#so theyre like twins or smth to me LOL#(btw i was so surprised to learn that fisi is almost a decade older than nando! they rly dont look that much different in age)#also this is not an insult btw but fisi is endearing to me bcs his smile always looks like hes looking directly into the sun LOLOL#i think at some point i should rly make a fisi comp post bcs i ended up saving a lot of pics of him bcs he is my unexpected blorbo#these are all def 2005 but if not feel free to come admonish me for mixing up djkskd#ill make a 2006 pt 2(bcs ive yet to delve into those archives just yet)#i could probably make a 2005 pt2 honestly bcs i have like uhhhhh...2-3x the amnt of pics here of them!#so yeah lmk if you would like those too :) the grind never stops in terms of deep diving pics#this post kinda makes me wish i made photo highlight posts along w my post-race gifs#also if you want to enquire as to what race/event a specific pic is feel free to drop an ask or dm#fernando alonso#giancarlo fisichella#renault#2005 formula 1#formula 1#f1#formula one#renault nando#fa14#fisico#fisi#we do a little bit of f1
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#old meme#i'm sorry i'm so sorry (i'm not tho)#i looked up the name of the horse! and the font i had picked actually had an eth in it! UNEXPECTED. NAY MIRACULOUS.#anyone telling me that's the wrong kind of horse will be shot#episode 5: journey into HORSE MPREG MYTHTERY#('mythtery' isn't a typo it's a pun. this is a QUALITY shitpost it has LAYERS.)#(everyone take a moment to thank their god(s)s that i don't have the skillz for a Sleipnir-related Papa Don't Preach vid)#loki series
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to be clear, i'm not angry about pretty boy slade wilson at all, if clark is just starting out then bruce has probably only been at it for a couple years himself, and dick is definitely still flipping about at haly's with his totally alive not ever gonna die parents and a good few years from slade deciding that his archnemesis needs to be a teenager from the most insane family in all of north america, it makes sense that slade so far is a young man still fulfilling mercenary contracts and other things like that and still in the relative flush of youth
also again, the way they drew him was hot, if this is how slade's anime twink phase goes i'm not mad about it
#personal#my adventures with superman#like slade being around clark and bruce's age makes sense considering he has kids that are dick and jason's ages#so if they're young men (and we know clark is a young man because he's a first time intern and literally started superman yesterday)#(and stands to reason bruce is at a similar age even if he's not in this show)#then slade too would be a relatively young man#with his anime snow white hair and anime golden eyes this is the best show ever made i'm sorry i can't stop giggling#it's not the fact that they made him young that's making me laugh again that makes sense#unexpected to me cuz again i'm used to him being an older gentlement with his shitty relationships with his children#and his rivalries with teenagers (the fact that he shows up in utrh just to sic assassins on nineteen year old jason for NO reason is just)#(it's insane why is he picking fights with batman's children while they're still children calm down buddy)#it's the fact that they had a choice on how to draw him and they just went He Will Be The Most Beautiful Girl In The Show#i love it
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Today is my last day at this job!!
Hopefully I am not making a huge mistake!!
#p#i have 7 weeks until i leave#and i actually picked up a freelance gig to give me some more money which was wholly unexpected but welcome#its a little wild but i feel wayyyy less trapped than i did before i made this decision#less trapped less anxious less sense of impending doom less mood swings#less urge to [redacted]#my mental health has improved so much#this is your sign lol#if you are contemplating quitting your job and moving out of the country#do it!!
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Soul of a charmingly enthusiastic tenor facing Horrors who sings a heart wrenching song halfway through the second act, born as a soprano with resting bitch face
#I haven't acted on stage in years but#I was always getting side parts that required a combination of straight lacedness#With unexpected moments of comedy#Once I got cast as hermia which was wonderful and so so fun except I'd gone up for pick#I wanna play the sad tenor boys!!!#This unexpected musical theater post brought to you by#The fact that the only music my brain will accept at the moment is Wait for Me from hadestown
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cant stop thinking about george dancing at boiler room im going to die
#ITS JUST THE WAY HE LOOKS AROUND BEFORE JUMPING TO I LOVE IT actually shoot me#hes just so stressed looking i want to tuck him in bed and kiss his forehead#and also fuck him#im gonna explode and die#HES so cute please#blah blah!#george daniel#please he looks so silly hes like the blow up yellow things outside car wash places im kmskmskmskms#i wish he was like a cat so i could pick him up#i got picked up the other day man it was so weird#i wasn't uncomfortable or anything it was just unexpected like getting a hug and Oh No my feet arent on the floor#anyway he is the cutest ever and charli xcx can we do rock paper scissors over him
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etched map of then-syria and palestine, printed + published in 1807. don't know enough about west asian and levantine history to comment on its accuracy or changes, but it's a plate from the memoirs of jean de joinville's vie de saint louis ix, trans. thomas johnes, & was most likely commissioned or loaned from longman & co publishing. the memoirs were originally written around the mid-13th century, so it's unclear to me which century it was current to. <3
#i do not. talk about the current palestinian genocide here often because this is effectively my stupid little online diary where i post#gay shit to a tiny audience who is also certainly given the demographic as well informed & such as i am. .& i don't consider that type of#online activism to be often useful given yknow. my reach & audience etc. anyway this made me feel such intense emotion.... was just.#leafing through this text i picked up for nothing at a thrift store a while ago & ran into it. can't really articulate my thoughts well but#it is there!! look at it!!! older than the settler-colonial state!!! those cities have existed for so long and they always will & their#presence & dignity has lasted and will last & be preserved even in the most forgotten and unexpected of places.#which is something that i think should be kept in mind.#txt
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unmentionable a h e ms are aligned right behind this shelf btw
#so much bl manga………….. all with rather suggestive covers…………#ngl i would’ve looked at them if my mother weren’t there too. like y’all i picked up a sasa-miya dvd and she went ‘wHY NOT BUY IT’#imagine what she’d do if i browsed the bl………..#anywayssss it’s kinda funny how mona’s right there with all of those villainess isekai manga…..#i’ve been kinda hooked on that genre as of late tbh and i was wondering w h y y y yy and then i remembered asuna exists lol#thank you asuna for getting me into another genre of comics and stuff ilyyyyyyy#on another note. mannn. i didn’t expect o sh i n o k o to be literally everywhere…… like b kom a c hi are even on vending machines…………#the a ri m a. kan a vending machine water was tempting ngl…. but alas i had no coins#idol was also played like everywhere too it was….. unexpected tbh.#but on another another note… public transportation fares are pretty high here? to think that i used to complain about ~$2.10 commutes….#o h w el ls either way i need to find a way to open idol sengen to check minami’s manager’s name without my family noticing o r s o help m e#inedible blubbering
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just saw a blog with a profile picture that looked kinda similar to grace’s (or at least it looked like hers in passing) post a *ehm* dirty post on like the for you/recommended posts tab (or whatever it’s fucking called) on here and oh my fucking god i did a fucking massive double take… it was something along the lines of like “love when he chokes me while i suck his dick” or something to that effect and i was like… HOLY SHIT, GRACE?!???!?! GRACE?!?!?!? WHATS GOING ON???!??!??!?!!?!??
like i’m all for posting whatever the fuck you want, but that’s just so far from her normal posts/her aesthetic that i was literally so shocked for a second. she’s so laid back and genuine with how she posts on social media (which i love), but (from what i can tell) that’s so out of character for her. for a split second, when i believed she was the one who posted it, i was like “grace, maybe you should consult your PR person/people before you post on here.” 😂😂
#false alarm tho it wasn’t her#genuinely had a ‘mom pick me up i’m scared’ moment bc that was just so fucking jarring#not even simply bc i thought grace was the one who posted it#but mostly bc i don’t normally see posts like that dashboard so i was like very confused and taken aback for a sec#felt like my eyeballs got assaulted by unexpected lewdness#tho really… it’s tumblr so i probably should’ve expected it#jesus fucking christ i need to go to bed#i’m losing it
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#tw animal death#mom just called me to tell one of our dogs died#she was almost 12 years old and had health issues so it wasnt unexpected#but im still so upset and im gonna miss her so much :((#she would always sleep with me in my bed and ask for me to pick her up#she was my little baby#butterfly.exe#personal
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I'm starting to really feel like I might have to like. stop being online. in any form. but especially on social media.
I already don't read the news anymore because it made me too anxious. but social media is basically like the news except worse. at least with the news you know that you're mostly gonna get bad things. on tumblr/reddit/wherever it's a pleasant stream of fun/interesting/entertaining posts and then bam here's some really bad shit that's going to ruin the world as we know it and we're all fucked and there's nothing you can do about it! and right below it is the next cute cat picture or a cool drawing or a silly text post and you just keep scrolling
#I've been thinking about this for a while because there have been so many times lately where this has happened and I could just feel that#awful feeling of despair and hopelessness immediately after seeing something like that#it bothers me for ages#it ruins my day sometimes#how does me knowing all the bad things that are happening all over the world all the time help anything#it's not that I don't care or that I think this feeling is even remotely comparable to what people who are going through those awful things#experience#but we're not meant to know all this awful shit#we're just not. and with the way my brain works I just can't keep doing this if I want to keep going#it sounds so melodramatic but every single post/video like that just makes me want to die#so. I don't know. what's the point in saying this#tons of people have said this better than me but this is just me venting so that doesn't matter.#I don't want to keep doing this. I don't want to pick up my phone and mindlessly scroll for hours and I especially don't want to get hit by#those unexpected awful news again and again every day until it's too much#ugh im feeling so fucking bad tonight#what's even the point#I know it's all bad and it keeps getting worse and we're still not changing anything and people are suffering and it's relentless and#I want to think about this stuff but not like this#it just hurts and nothing else#I just want to sleep
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actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then
#i think its bc a) when i came out at like 15 everyone was super surprised so i assumed ppl still found it unexpected even now#+ b) im not super aware of social cues generally (autism) so dont tend to pick up on stuff like that unless its explicitly said#+ also c) ive never felt like i physically appear very conspicuous bc i dont have any piercings/tattoos/never dyed my hair etc#i only cut my hair short relatively recently too..... so idk i just assumed i blended into the background for everyone#but now im interacting with ppl outside of my tighter social circle more often ive become more aware-#of how ppl might perceive me. or rather ive become aware of just how UNaware i am of how ppl might perceive me#and its really funny how many odd interactions ive had in the past suddenly make sense if u assume the other person clocked me as gay#like strangers that have gotten flustered around me that might be bc i was giving off strong dyke vibes etc#the other day i was in a bookstore and the guy behind the counter was very stiff + quiet until i replied to smth he said and suddenly he-#became way more animated + started talking to me more casually + that was the first time i realised i probably sound gay as fuck#like i think i kinda have a stereotypical gay mannerism/lilt to the way i talk... no wonder i used to get called a fag so often lmfao#or like i remember trying to find a lab partner in 3rd yr of my degree + i had to do it on call only bc of covid + there were a bunch-#of us with similar lab interests but it got sorted SO fast bc this one other student seemed to gravitate immediately towards me#and i remember thinking afterward that it was odd how quickly we resolved that. esp bc we didnt even meet it was just voice call#anyway yeah i found out she was a dyke much later but i think maybe she clocked me straight away bc of how i sound....?#and that was why she warmed to me so quickly... but god i remember debating for ages with my ex abt whether she was gay or not#like my gaydar is truly terrible i suck balls at picking up on cues so its funny that to some people im reeking signals#also i met up with an ollldddd old friend last week + 30 secs in she was like oh fuck you must use different pronouns now#gesturing to Me. like oh..... im visibly gnc......? or maybe behaviourally???? idk. also shes v femme which made me realise that-#i rly do come across kinda masc/butch nowadays. even tho ive never really thought abt it that deeply before or made an effort to#i mean yeah i do identify along those lines but ive never directly considered how to flag that to other people etc im just doing me baby#ANYWAY this has been a rly long ramble idr what point i was getting at but just find it fascinating to think abt how im read in public#bc im just genuinely so unaware of it. its weirdly rly validating to find out that im automatically recognised as dykey + a little masc#boosted my confidence a lot as well tbh ive felt rly comfortable in myself lately. partly also cuz im getting a little muscular ;^)#ANYWAYYYYYY enough of all that i need to go sleep if youre reading this ily goodnighttt xoxo#.diaries
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One more and I’ll shut the fuck up. ✌️
#I know this is just a phase and I’ll be okay#just wanted to get that out there#because I don’t want anyone to be mad at me or annoyed with me or just uncomfortable with me#I’m a difficult person I don't handle my emotions well and I’m aware that I need to fix myself#I don’t know what the fuck life has for me#but I’m going to see it through#maybe I am meant to be alone and that should be okay#maybe I’ll find a companion and that’s okay too#all I know is that the good things that have happened to me—were unexpected#they’ll come at some point—when I’m least expecting#also I know I need to stop talking about shit like this#I will be better and if you guys need me to shut up please tell me because I won’t pick up cues otherwise
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