#how and when and where to introduce characters and worldbuilding

[fictionadventurer]

August: Day 17

Adventures

Recruited into apple-picking. Gathered some good apples, and more bad apples.

Accomplishments

Read The Book of Joyous Children by James Whitcomb Riley

Figured out the sequence of events for the first several scenes of the Arateph Rapunzel. Jotted down a basic outline.

[lord-squiggletits]

Reread/skimmed my oldest Pharma apologism posts (mainly the ones about Pharma not being a functionist) and it just occurred to me that possibly another reason the fandom saddled Pharma with the "functionist bigot" label is because his introduction by First Aid says that everyone hates Decepticons, but Pharma really really hates Decepticons. Mix that with the portion of the fanbase that lionizes and whitewashes the Decepticons, and I can easily see it entering common fanon that "Pharma hates Decepticons -> the Decepticons are freedom fighters wrongly maligned by the Autobots/the franchise -> Pharma must be a bigoted functionist since he hates Decepticons who represent freedom."

The simpler explanation is just that Pharma is an antagonist and therefore gets the "everything about him must be evil and wrong" black-and-white analysis so common in fandoms in general, but given some of the bizarre Decepticon takes I've seen I can also easily see Pharma's Decepticon hatred being taken as a sign of him being bigoted and evil.

Though AGAIN in this case it would still be singling Pharma out as a bigot for crimes/flaws that multiple other Autobots are guilty of like.

Oh, Pharma hates Decepticons? Well a lot of other Autobots hate Decepticons too, First Aid's narration about Pharma even says "we all hate Decepticons"; for that matter, there are a lot of Decepticons who hate Autobots. It's a massive civil war that's lasted for a lifetime causing two groups of people to be stuck in a near-permanent blood feud, you can't assume that every Autobot who hates Decepticons (and vice versa) hates them because they're a bigot. Maybe there's been a war where both sides have been building an ever-increasing mountain of reasons to hate each other, so hating the opposite faction is a social problem caused by war and politics rather than a sign of individual moral failing.

Pharma worked at the New Institute so that means he must be evil/bigoted? Chromedome and Brainstorm also worked at the New Institute, but there's no widespread fandom shunning of them or headcanoning them as bigots.

Hell, even the very premise of assuming Pharma is a functionist bigot for hating Decepticons is ignoring the very premise of Pharma's motives, which are, uh... being blackmailed by the leader of the Decepticon Justice Division, who represents the ultimate form of Decepticon ideals to the point of literally wearing their symbol as his mask? So how were we jumping straight to "oh Pharma hates Decepticons bc he's a posh bigoted functionist" when there was a far more immediate interpretation/headcanon of "Pharma hates Decepticons because he's being tortured and blackmailed by one."

That's not to say that Pharma couldn't have hated Decepticons before Delphi, and I think you could make interesting headcanons/extrapolations based on either idea. But still. It kinda feels like people saw Pharma and just wanted to make him the Token Evil Autobot who's the opposite of our Good Heroic Autobots regardless of whether evidence from canon supported it or not.

Good riddance to bigoted functionist Pharma fanon, I'm so glad that the majority of Pharma fanon these days actually gives him a chance and puts him on equal footing as other Autobots.

[arolesbianism]

Sorry for failing to post more than once every 3 am anyways more stalien icons 👍

[wuntrum]

can you speak on your severance s2 opinions? i promise this isnt in bad faith or anything, im just anon bc im shy lol, im genuinely curious

i'm gonna put this under a read more because it's gonna be long but...yeah [scratches head] if YOU the person reading this looooved this season and see nothing you didn't like about it, thats awesome and i'm happy for you. i also liked things in this season, and also its normal to be able to critique things you like, love and light <3 its literally just television

generally, yeah, i found myself disappointed with it. i think the writing this season, both the dialogue and then the actual character/world writing, fell flat and/or seemed like it was completely incongruous with the characters and world that we had seen in season 1. i think something i really appreciated about season 1 is that yes, mark was our main character and the lens we got introduced to both the inside and outside world, but both felt so much BIGGER than just him.

season 2, the entire plot and world and characters bend and contort to make mark like, the center of the universe lol. it's kind of ridiculous, the extent to which the world revolves around him now. it makes the world feel SOOO small. parts of my favorite worldbuilding aspects are seeing how the outside world feels about severance--i think the part where we see how working as a severed employee makes it almost impossible to work anywhere else is great! and in concept i like seeing other towns that have been devastated by lumon's industrialization, though i don't love the execution that we got. so like...everything lumon does is about mark? ALL of it? i know we don't know exactly how long lumon has been operating but like...they've been working on this stuff for longer than two years, lol. like, how many files have dylan completed? irving? petey? that girlie who wrote the lexington letter? is all of their work literally meaningless? like i get that there were people before gemma who failed the tests and they died, sure, but what about when mark started working there? what about the files that irving started and didn't finish, why don't they care about those? ohhhh right, because that's not the one that mark's working on. i get that it'd be a big deal if they got it to work fully once, but surely they'd want to make it work AGAIN, right??? like a science experiment?? i just wish we got like, A nod to other people on the testing floor, because i think the implication is that all of them are working on files connected to…different people, but maybe they're all just different versions of gemma?

honestly all of the innie stuff this season just felt so…idk, aimless? it feels like parts of the building only exist when the writers want them to, and just generally are not interested in exploring anything outside of the romantic aspects for all of these characters. like sure, after the season 1 finale, their asses are not gonna wanna work (EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY DO? TO MOVE THE PLOT ALONG?), but where's the camaraderie? what about all those other people in O&D, they literally export things to the testing floor, maybe they know about gemma? fundamentally i think the thing that's the most frustrating about innie mark is that they keep telling us that he doesn't care about gemma. which, sure, outie gemma, he doesn't have that same connection with as helly, whatever. but also, he DOES care about her, he literally knows that that's ms casey and that lumon was just going to do what they always do when they fire people????? like s1 mark cared soooo much about his coworkers, ALL OF THEM, even the ones that weren't there anymore—seeing petey and then ms casey get removed was like, a HUGE deal and vital to his growth as a character!!!! and the way that they constructed this whole season basically to remove everyone that isn't mark and helly by the end. lol. i'm honestly shocked that they didn't make a new version of the desk that was just two chairs, like dylan was just excluded from the finale except for when they needed him to come in and hold the door against mr. milchick. again. lol

i don't inherently have a problem with exploring the romantic stuff, i think that could have been done well, but i just don't think it was. and that's primarily because, i think the writing this season for helly was ass! they took away her agency and subjugated her to be just the love interest for mark! especially with the finale, i just feel like the helly i know would've been like mark, what are you doing??? go?!? like she wants to take down lumon, THAT's what will take down lumon! like whatever, mark made the choice that he did, but helly playing along with it makes no fucking senseee. like they want us to think that it's the same ol helly we know and love, they give us crumbs of her anger, like when she's rallying the marching band people or whatever, but again, only when it's plot convenient. WHY WOULD SHE NOT ATTACK JAME? he's like 90???? and helly doesn't like this man???? she has nothing to lose???? fucking THROW something at him helly!!!! the helly that tried to chop her fingers off and hang herself and gave that speech in the s1 finale is not in the room with us. and i don't mean this in a way where i think it's helena again, it's not. they've just completely fumbled her character because they want mark and helly to be together at all costs. and honestly, i think it's so reductive to make this show just about ships, but textually it feels like that's what they want us to do, and i think that's sad. again, it makes the show feel so SMALL, when the world within it used to feel so BIG and like we would want to learn more about it. i care about mark and helly--before they kissed!! i think it was rewarding to see the ways they challenged each other and grew as people!! them as a romantic thing could work but they haven't put in the work to MAKE it work. and, it feels like of redundant even to say, but i do think it's fucking ridiculous to write a story where we get kissing and fucking for allllll the straight characters and then the one gay couple doesn't even get a kiss before separating them completely and writing irving out of the show, basically. like what are we in, hayes code era television?

but yeah, the information they chose to reveal vs what they didn't was also frustrating. i honestly wish they revealed less! there's so much TELLING this season. it feels like they think we're stupid (which, i can't speak for the entire population watching the show, maybe some people literally do need mark to look at the camera and explain everything, idk). like there's sooo much clever storytelling in the first season that just, completely gets snuffed out from overexplaining. i understand in the finale that oMark needs to tell iMark about why he did all of this but like, WE as the audience already know??? we don't need to see this?? and cobel confirming stuff i feel like we already knew about how the numbers work and like, i just don't knowwww. like you can just show me it, i was picking up on it. like we know about the four tempers, you show it to us all the time, cobel having to look dead in the camera and explain it just made me feel like there was a better way we could've done this. i do think some stuff benefits from a "hard" confirmation. like i'm glad they confirmed the helena thing, BECAUSE it backs up and supports all of the lovely and subtle things they had already shown to prove that it WAS helena! like i've known since the first episode LOL, so they do KNOW how to do subtle storytelling. and i think the gemma episode was great, i loved seeing her as a character and thought it gave her so much depth. but again, i think allll of the explaining they do this season not only snuffs out the fun of speculating on the viewing end, but from a writing perspective it just kind of writes them into a corner. i think they're focused too much on making these elaborate set pieces and events take place without thinking of how they fit together, not only on like a writing/episodic level but just the world of lumon at large.

i think a great way they showed story in the first season is through the paintings, and through irving and burt bonding over the paintings! like it not only establishes the lore of kier and then we get to learn more about them as characters through their reactions to the paintings. the paintings this season, honestly, were weak, they were so heavy handed. love and light to whoever painted them, but they were nottt doing the job for me.

(this is a small thing, but like…the intake questionnaire asks them to "name a US state or territory," so they KNOW that delaware is a state. so why would they think the equator is a building? again its just like. a cutesy moment for mark and helly to banter but they could've done it in a way that isn't contradictory to like, our understanding of what information crosses over the sever and what does not).

i keep thinking about the ORTBO, and it just seems fucking CRAZY to me that they aren't freaking out about SEEING THE SKY? BREATHING FRESH AIR? FEELING FIRE? SLEEPING?? WASN'T THE WHOLE THING THAT THEY COULDN'T FALL ASLEEP???? i guess my impression of how the chip works is that the technology doesn't know how to handle when they enter a subconscious/asleeep state, so the innie and outie memories begin to bleed together, hence why dozing would be a bad thing on the job. but again, they clearly had this idea of how they wanted irving to reveal that it's helena in the waterfall, and yes, i did enjoy the spectacle of the episode, but its another example of how they'll build these moments and only focus on what they want to see. like there's so much interesting stuff that they could explore and just choose not to, because (usually) it doesn't involve mark, or mark and helly.

also, i'm just gonna say it, i feel like the writing for the women this season all was kinda bad! it's, again, a byproduct of the world revolving around mark now. reghabi is brought into the story when mark needs her, and cast aside when he doesn't want her anymore. devon has been completely reduced to mark's lackey, like i guess ricken and the baby are fucking fine or whatever??? because she only exists when mark is around, and her only job is caring about mark (which obviously yes, they're siblings, of course they care—but s1 devon had a life outside of mark as well). cobel is only brought back into the story to explain to mark how cold harbor works. i said this before but honestly i like the concept of her little solo episode, though the execution wasn't great, because at least she was doing something on her own (except for when she needs that guy to help her. heaven forbid a woman does something of her own accord without a man to help). and again, helly is completely flanderized to be mark's love interest. i think there's a way to have mark and helly be together and them be their own people, but for the length of the season they did not have the proper time to unpack all the shit from the ORTBO episode so everyone just…conveniently gets over it very quickly, like in the span of a day. like i do think it's a jump to go from "i don't trust you, are you even you?" to missionary under plastic tarps that quickly, i'm sorry. and i think even gemma suffers from this fate as well. i think with hers it makes more sense, like she fucking loves her husband, but i wish she was given opportunities to like…want things for herself, too. like she hasn't been outside in two years! i bet she misses her job, her students, her family, devon, ricken, like anyone outside of mark? but she has to be the tragic love interest that can't be with mark but can't run away from mark, either. she's reduced to set dressing for mark and helly by the end.

they constructed this season i think, with the hopes and knowledge that they'll likely get a season 3. which yes, we know now that it's been confirmed and approved or whatever, but they didn't know that when making season 2, and it feels like no one got a full character arc. it's all start and no follow through. we've had the same "mr. milchick experiences racism in the workplace" moment like what, five, six times, and yet we haven't even started to see him DO something about it yet? like sure he told mr. drummond to eat shit, but then to play along with the minstrel show cold harbor shit, they just didn't care about giving that plot line any action so it'll just get brushed along to season 3. (and while there's intentional commentary about race in the show, it also feels like there's unintentional consequences to their writing choices that upholds the whiteness. like, natalie is just forgotten about, reghabi is dropped as soon as mark doesn't want to play with her anymore, ms. huang barely gets to do anything before being written off and sent away, and yes, i do think having gemma suffer as mark and helly skip away is part of it. it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, sorry!). i think dylan is maybe the closest we get to an interesting arc, and i enjoy the inclusion of his wife, but even he's reduced to JUST this story, only getting to talk to mark or helly when the writers need him to, i guess. and the stuff with burt and fields is so nothing, like it feels like it should be going somewhere but they're just leaving it open for season 3 (i guess??? even though it seems like irving isn't going to be in it at all, so why would we be following burt and fields??? and also don't even get me started on how the outie irving stuff is just NOT EXPLORED AT ALL. like whatever sure who the hell cares, sorry for wanting to see that go somewhere or whatever).

it's too early for full reintegration to happen so, we'll just finish that in season 3. (then why introduce it so early in season 2? ohhh right, we need cliffhangers to end every episode on). it almost feels like they don't have faith that people will keep watching without introducing these dramatic moments, but it's all just gasps of breath, there's no actual momentum. like, i've already watched the first season, you don't need to bait me with the prospect of seeing meaningful progression and then take it away from me when the next episode starts. the structure of how episodes speak to each other is that they…don't? like obviously i don't need every episode to pick up on the exact moment the last left off, but the timeline of this season is just soooo strange. the first two episodes are in the same span of time, and then there's gemma and cobel's episodes back to back…it genuinely just feels like they didn't consider the season as a whole which, considering how much money and time it took to make it happen, makes no sense.

and to continue on the timeline aspect, it feels so confusing as to how much time has really passed. it feels like the wanted the structure of the first season, but the pacing mechanic of the first season (working up to the end of the quarter to get to the waffle party) makes the pacing of the second feel even worse. like a.) mark's completed like 3 files a quarter (if we assume he's worked there for 8 quarters, i.e. two years), so making THIS file the super special final one truncates the possible time by at least a third.but then also, b.) he's been at like 95% complete since like, episode 5..? again, i just think it should've been considered more during the planning stages. and it kind of boggles my mind that the creative team views the marching band in this finale to be analogous to the waffle party in s1 when, it's way closer to the music dance experience? (they said this in the like behind the scenes for the finale ep). and in that regard, it really does kind of feel like a retread that doesn't work as well because, again, it's all about mark! especially after the shit with the kier statue, why would mr. milchick play along with the song and dance, like it just feels like they wanted to use tramell tillman's dance experience again, and they wanted to use the colored lights again. he could've just stood by the door to make sure mark and helly stayed there, which was obviously the goal of having all those people there. and yeah, i get the work is mysterious and important or whatever, but the implication that they have ALL OF THESE PEOPLE whos sole job is to be a marching band makes no fucking sense, i'm sorry. i find it hard to play along with the worldbuilding, again it makes lumon seem like its run by like dr. doofenshmirtz or something, it's so cartoony. like are they a global and successful company, or are they incompetent and leave gaping holes for their employees to undo everything? this is THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY IN LUMON HISTORY and they couldn't…shut the door to MDR like they had before? the goat sacrifice room is directly outside the exports hall door? the music dance experience works so well as a catharsis moment because everyone has their own shit going on, and we get to see the guy who hasn't really disobeyed yet (dylan) finally snap, and we see the others come and support him as a TEAM. it's just spectacle for us, the viewer. and especially the thing where they make the panels with mark's face on it—HE CAN'T SEE IT???? i don't need fan service winking moments like that, i dunno, that just annoyed me lol.

anyway, i feel like i have more to say probably but i gotta go do things so, i'm gonna leave it here. in conclusion, i'm missing my friends from s1 MDR sooo so bad, i feel like i haven't seen them this season at all. i did like parts of this season, but overall it was not what i was hoping it would be. (i don't even really KNOW what i wanted it to be, and of course it doesn't matter what i "want," but i feel like what i "want" lined up with what they wanted to do explore with season 1 so…maybe that's where the dissonance is coming from). and whereas at the end of s1, where i left it being like "where are they going to go from here?? (as in, theres so many possibilities", this season finale has left me asking "…where are we gonna go from here?" because i'm left like, inherently incurious about the people we have left and the choices they've made. and, i feel like THEY (as in the executive team making it) must feel this way too, because apparently they've completely scrapped the writers room from this season and added on two new showrunners. good luck to whoever that executive story editor is LOL

[deikshen]

Shen Yuan who lives his life being an absolute simp of some character from a random stallion novel—[character] is absolutely amazing! He has a harem of beauties! And also, a rich and wonderful story where he rises from the most vile and gains his power based on his efforts! If only the story had a little more worldbuilding and cool monsters, Shen Yuan would like it more. But. But there's [character] and definitely everything it's worth reading! He's smart, cunning, and strategic! And his adventures are GREAT! He faces incredible trials, and even though he collects wives as trophies, those wives are INTERESTING. The character development! The story! The harem drama!!!

So one day, Shen Yuan is just doing nothing, waiting for another update on his favorite read—it would be the last chapter!!! Finally a closure to the final dramatic arc!! And Shen Yuan hoped it would be a GOOD ENDING—, when a portal opens in his fucking apartment. After cursing, yelling, and scuttling away, a xianxia man clearly emerges. WHAT. THE. FUCK!?

The man is... what the hell? Shen Yuan thinks he knows him, in some weird way, like, maybe he's seen his face somewhere??? Any popular novel or thing that hasn't caught his attention but he KNOW is famous? What the fuck??

The xianxia man with an absolutely OP sword if he was able to open a FUCKING PORTAL THROUGH THE UNREALITY OF FICTION WHAT THE HELL looks at Shen Yuan with, first, doubt, and then, certainty.

"So, that's Shizun" says the xianxia man, grinning like a fucking nightmare cat, with many menacing teeth. "This Emperor is glad to see you again."

The only intelligent thing Shen Yuan can say is: "Who the hell are you?"

The xianxia man looks confused. He doesn't let that emotion dominate him. He advances in his room with firm steps, his dark robes billowing as he goes. He's clearly not fully human, from the red mark on his forehead, those pointy ears, those black claws...

Shen Yuan doesn't recognize a damn thing about the character. He knows he's famous, he knows it, but why can't he remember it...?

"This Emperor is Luo Binghe" he introduces himself simply, and Shen Yuan's jaw drops.

"No fucking way" is all Shen Yuan actually says, suddenly recognizing the name, and realizing why he'd never read anything more than skimmed about the character. And his sister had actively tried to get him to read it!! "You—... Luo Binghe like, the one from that danmei novel? What the fuck?"

Shen Yuan hadn't been interested at all. While Luo Binghe's character seemed minimally... intriguing... Danmei novel! He had nothing against gays, but why would he read a gay thing?? Besides, what were those relationships!! Transmigration with identity never revealed? Protagonist/Scum Villain?! Even worse, teacher/student?! Yes, Shen Yuan understood that things like age difference roleplay in fetish contexts were intriguing, he had read it in other novels, BUT STILL, it wasn't exactly a roleplay!!! One of them still believed his partner was immortal!!!

(... Shen Yuan may have read some summaries of the novel. Very superficially. Many years ago, when it was popular.)

"This Shizun recognizes me, then" Luo Binghe says, and Shen Yuan lets out an undignified horrified shriek.

"OH, NO, NO, I'M NOT YOUR SHIZUN" he moves away as quickly as he can. Luo Binghe, of course, chases after him. "I don't know what happened in your, err, world?, I don't know why you decided to appear here, but I'm not... Not..." And Shen Yuan has no idea how to explain himself. I'm not your, what? Your Shizun, your partner, your... husband?

Shen Yuan feels a chaotic chill run down his spine.

"Maybe not yet" Luo Binghe says, as if it were only natural. As if he hadn’t already opened a FUCKING PORTAL WITH HIS SWORD. Shen Yuan needs to calm down or he’ll hyperventilate. "If this Xiao Shizun meets this Emperor, perhaps this Emperor's story isn't over yet. It's when this one's story ends that Xiao Shizun will become Shizun. However, this Emperor has made sure to come first this time."

Shen Yuan... actually doesn't understand him at all.

"The story…" Shen Yuan hesitates, looking at Luo Binghe. The imposing man looks, well, obviously like a blackened ML icon, but, well. Weird. Powerful. "You... Do you know that you come from a story?"

That's disturbingly weird. Luo Binghe nods.

"This Lord has been informed" he explains simply. "Shizun, a kind Shizun, has informed this Emperor about everything. But Xiao Shizun doesn't have to worry. This Lord will be here, he will prevent Xiao Shizun's death tonight, and Xiao Shizun will come with this Emperor to his world."

Shen Yuan might be starting to get a bit of a migraine. What the... hell? What nonsense? Had interdimensional travel affected the ML's brain?

“I have no idea what you’re saying,” Shen Yuan says confusedly. "Isn’t that Shizun your husband? Why do you want to take me with you? Aren't you like, happily married?"

It's Luo Binghe's turn to be confused. Fucking confused, it seemed, judging by his expression.

"From which novel does Xiao Shizun know this Lord?" Luo Binghe asks in an even dangerous tone of voice.

Shen Yuan has no idea what the name is. What he does: he searches for Luo Binghe on the internet and hands the smartphone and the results to Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe holds the phone in absolute bewilderment, and as he reads, his expression twists into at least seven different forms of horror.

At least he doesn't break his screen with the black claws. Damn, that would have been horrible.

"This Lord understands," Luo Binghe says, his expression flat and absolutely blank. He gives the smartphone back to him and Shen Yuan quickly takes it back. "This Emperor has been wrong, again. Offering apologies."

Shen Yuan feels a little sorry for the interdimensional traveler who accidentally fell into his apartment. Okay, he hasn't read that danmei novel, but the protagonist's design is GREAT. The man also looks quite... dejected. As if the weight of the world had fallen off his shoulders.

"Oh, all right, it happens to the best too" he says, shrugging. The look Luo Binghe gives him is not reassuring. "Look, ah... I can't cook to save my life, but I ordered some stuffed baos for dinner in a nearby restaurant. They haven't left the kitchen yet, so I can order a couple more of them if you'd like to stay for dinner. It must be exhausting, you know, go through... worlds?"

Luo Binghe continues to look at him with a strange look. In fact, his gaze is getting more and more stranger.

"It would be a pleasure for this Lord" he says, raising both eyebrows. "Can this Lord get your name?"

"Shen Yuan," he says nonchalantly. He returns to his phone, grateful that his baos are still cooking and he can add more to the order. "I'll add more to the order. Err— Lord Luo prefer beef or pork?"

Luo Binghe doesn't reply. Shen Yuan adds one and one. And a few other things. Usually, he's content with a big stuffed bao, but perhaps his, uh, guest will eat more?

"Anything is fine," is Luo Binghe's reply, and Shen Yuan adds an extra order of soup and snacks as well. Ah. His order will take a while, but he hopes it will arrive in time for when the latest chapter of his favorite webnovel is uploaded.

... Although he doubts he'll be able to read it in peace if Luo-fucking-Binghe is still there. Well, he'll read it tonight, when he's already in bed.

"It may take a while" Shen Yuan says, bewildered, not knowing what to do. Ugh. He hates having visits. Does it count as visits if a fictional character basically invaded his property? Shen Yuan isn't going to go into much detail about that. "Eh, Lord Luo could... sit down? Make yourself comfortable? Make yourself at home meanwhile?"

Luo Binghe looks at him with a raised eyebrow. However, he does as Shen Yuan suggests and sits down. Shen Yuan turns his back on him, arranging the chair he knocked over and some of his mess made in the panic of seeing A FUCKING PORTAL OPENS OUT OF NOWHERE, wondering if he's finally gone completely crazy.

But it's there. Luo Binghe for some reason came to his house talking about Shizun and Xiao Shizun and knowing that he was in a story, and Shen Yuan is too confused to ask any questions. He has too many. He needs to sort out his thoughts.

"Shen Yuan looks nervous," Luo Binghe says, saying his name for the first time and almost making Shen Yuan react as if he had been stabbed. It's too much!! What the hell!? "Is this Lord intimidating to him?"

"So much for a, uh, love interest," he says, making an awkward face. "I haven't read the novel where are you from, sorry. I'm not completely familiar with... well, with how your personality can be. But... for arts and some things, I expected less, eh, intimidating, yeah."

He remembered many tears. And something about a lamb. NOT THIS.

Luo Binghe laughs. Incredibly, that's also intimidating.

"If Shen Yuan hasn't read this novel, what novels has he read?" Luo Binghe asks.

... Forty minutes later, as Shen Yuan rushes up to collect dinner from the door, he wonders how good an idea it is to completely infodump Luo Binghe about his current favourite stallion novel, And most of all, about [character], his absolute favorite protagonist. Nobody can't blame Shen Yuan!!! He... Never gets the chance to talk about his favorite things outside of the internet!! And he spoke: about the characters, their developments, he went into great depth about his complaints about the mediocre worldbuilding and the lack of interesting flora and fauna for such a vast cultivation world, but highlighted every good point in the plot. Given the ENORMOUS length of the novel, 40 minutes was just a summary!! Hardly anything!!

While they are having dinner, Luo Binghe insists on seeing [character]. He has a very intense expression when Shen Yuan runs straight to his room and comes back with one of his framed posters. What!? He's a fan, it's totally normal!! [Character] was an absolute power fantasy, a magnificent, admirable character!! Definitely!! It's normal that he has a lot of his posters! And fanmade figures! And commissioned art!! Totally normal!!!

Luo Binghe looks serious as Shen Yuan continues to talk about [character], deepening his tragic backstory, his difficult beginnings, how he had to rise through hatred and prejudice. How he discovered his heritage and power and how he achieved the glory he always deserved!!

And Luo Binghe asks many, many questions. He asks so many questions that, haha, Shen Yuan would think he was considering challenging [character] to a fight. But he- he definitely couldn't. He couldn't. He couldn't, right? Well, with an OP sword like that capable of leaving its own reality, who knows!!

Dinner drags on because Shen Yuan talks too much. When it's finally over, he's actually not sure he wants to leave the poor love interest from that danmei novel adrift. Yes, he can go... But Shen Yuan isn't sure he's safe! He still looks very tired! He probably needs a good night's sleep! Besides, he ate too much! Crossing worlds on a full stomach might be bad for him!

Shen Yuan then prepares the guest bed and offers it to him. Usually, his Da-ge or Er-ge usually stays, or his Meimei, so the room is clean and suitable, and only when Shen Yuan is left alone after the long night does he notice that there is an notification that he had been waiting for on his smartphone.

YES! THE UPDATE!! Shen Yuan doesn't even make it to bed. He throws himself onto the sofa and quickly opens the door to read.

... Thirty minutes later, he's choking on rage. WHAT THE HELL? WHAT HAPPY ENDING WAS THAT? THE STALLION PROTAGONIST SIMPLY DECIDING, AFTER A LONG CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC OF ANOTHER UNNECESSARY NPC, THAT NOTHING MADE HIM HAPPY? LOCKING HIMSELF IN HIS PALACE AND SINKING WITH IT? WHAT WAS THAT? AND WHY?

Dumbfu—

Shen Yuan catches a glimpse of blue light at the edge of his eye before something catches him, repositioning him so he can breathe deeply without choking on his breath. The thing holding him up is, of course, the only other living thing in his apartment—a danmei character who helps him take a deep breath even with tears in the corners of his eyes, swallowing a little water, making him realize how choked he really had been.

"Is Shen Yuan alright?" Luo Binghe asks.

And all Shen Yuan can say, barely able to breathe on his own, is: "WHAT KIND OF CRAPPY ENDING IS THAT?"

Luo Binghe's gaze does not look surprised.

"Shen Yuan must be very upset" he says, as if this is nothing new. "So angry. Enough to choke on rage."

Shen Yuan pouts a little embarrassed. Oh, well. What does it matter?

"It really is a bad ending" he complains, and tells him.

In the end, Luo Binghe agrees that it's a shitty ending. Luo Binghe proves genuinely interested in hearing Shen Yuan's opinions, but also in providing solutions and arguments. He's a fun person to talk to. They talk about better endings, how the protagonist's emptiness could have been fixed, and how sometimes a single bond could be enough instead of a harem, until Shen Yuan starts yawning.

When Shen Yuan falls asleep that night, for the first time, even surrounded by posters and pictures of his favorite character, he is not thinking of him, but of Luo Binghe.

(In the morning, Shen Yuan will be given a breakfast that Luo Binghe made—the most exquisite thing in the absolute fucking world—and will try to talking about all that other world stuff, about how he had made a mistake again, or Shizun and Xiao Shizun thing. Luo Binghe evades his questions very well and always makes an excuse to stay longer and longer as the days go by, his novel guest basically takes over his kitchen, takes the guest room hostage, and takes the control about the cleanliness and order of the apartment. Shen Yuan worries a little, after all, isn't Luo Binghe very peaceful here away from that husband of his? Didn't the internet say their relationship was very codependent? What is he missing out on there?

... And why does he notice more and more of his favorite character's merch missing every day? Binghe has been cleaning, yes, but why would he take his stuff away!?)

[waffliesinyoface]

a fun thing in the naruto universe is how names work

because like, in japan, the polite thing to do is call people by their LAST names, with given names being like. a friends/family thing?

except, in the naruto universe, they had the clan wars, which went on for GENERATIONS before the hidden villages were formed. And clan tensions were so tight that if you introduced yourself by your last name, someone might just try to kill you because your clan is allied with a clan thats allied with another clan who is an enemy of the person you're talking to.

obviously, this was a hassle.

so, there was like, an unspoken rule of only giving your first name, as seen with Hashirama and Madara. Because if you didn't know for a fact that someone was a senju or an uchiha, you could just treat them as another ninja and mutually decide not to kill each other. Things like the sharingan or any notable techniques would be a dead giveaway, but as long as you're not fighting, everyone can just. Politely not ask questions.

but also, because clans are important, they still want to have something which ties the clan together, if last names are omitted from conversation with outsiders.

This is less important in the modern era, but it's still present - everyone in naruto's academy class, even students who aren't friends, exclusively use their classmates first names. Even the teacher isn't immune, he's called Iruka-sensei, not Umino-sensei.

Which is why most clans have first names with common, repeated elements, especially where the main line comes in.

Ino/Shika/Chou is the obvious one, but you also have things like the Hyuuga having a history of the first-born having their name start with Hi (Hizashi, Hiashi, Hinata, Himawari, etc.) or the senju having -rama (Hashirama, Tobirama, Kawarama), the Inuzuka being named after animal body parts (Tsume - claw, Kiba - fang, Hana - nose), all sorts of stuff like that.

It works both in universe (clan loyalties and traditions) and out of universe (group similar characters together)!! its really neat!!!

kishimoto did a lot of dumb things with the Lore and consistently forgot details he'd written about earlier on, but when he DOES have a consistent worldbuilding thing it's super cool to think about.

[wileycap]

So, uh, Netflix Avatar, huh? Yeah. I guess I'll make a really long post about it because ATLA brainrot has is a cornerstone of my personality at this point.

So.

It's okay. B, maybe a C+.

That's it.

Now for the spoilers:

The biggest issue with the Netflix version is the pacing. Scenes come out of nowhere and many of the episodes are disjointed. Example: Aang escaping from Zuko's ship. We see him getting the key and going "aha!", and in the next scene he's in Zuko's room. And then he just runs out, no fun acrobatics or fights, and immediately they go to the Southern Air Temple where he sees Gyatso's corpse, goes into the Avatar state, and then sees Gyatso being really cheesy, comes out of it, and resolves that conflict. Nothing seems to lead into anything. The characters don't get to breathe.

The show's worst mistake (aside from Iroh fucking murdering Zhao) is its' first one: they start in the past. Instead of immediately introducing us to our main characters and dropping us into a world where we have a perfect dynamic where Aang doesn't know the current state of the world and Katara and Sokka don't know about the past, thus allowing for seamless and organic worldbuilding and exposition, they just... tell us. "Hey, this is what happened, ok, time for Aang!" There's no mystery, no intrigue, just a stream of information being shoved down the audience's throats and then onto the next set piece.

The visuals are for the most part great, but like with most Netflix productions, they just don't have great art direction. It feels like a video game cinematic, where everything is meant to be Maximum Cool - and none of the environments get to breathe. It's like they have tight indoor sets (with some great set design) and then they have a bunch of trailer shots. It's oozing with a kind of very superficial love.

Netflix still doesn't know how to do lighting, and with how disjointed the scenes are, the locations end up feeling like a parade of sets rather than actual cities or forests or temples. As for the costumes, Netflix still doesn't know how to do costumes that look like they're meant to be actually worn, so many of the characters seem weirdly uncomfortable, like they're afraid of creasing their pristine costumes.

The acting is decent to good, for the most part. I can't tell if the weaker moments come down to the actors or the direction and editing, but if I had to guess, I'd say the latter. Iroh and Katara are the weakest, Sokka is the most consistent, Zuko hits the mark most of the time, and Aang is okay. I liked Suki (though... she was weirdly horny? Like?) but Yue just fell kind of flat.

The tight fight choreography of the original is replaced with a bunch of spinny moves and Marvel fighting, though there are some moments of good choreography, like the Agni Kai between Ozai and Zuko (there's a million things I could say about how bad it was thematically, but this post is overly long already.) There's an actually hilarious moment in the first episode when Zuko is shooting down Aang, and he does jazz hands to charge up his attack.

Then there's the characters. Everybody feels very static - Zuko especially gets to have very little agency. A great example of that is the scene in which Iroh tells Lieutenant Jee the story of Zuko's scar.

In the original, it's a very intimate affair, and he doesn't lead the crew into any conclusions. Here, Iroh straight up tells the crew "you are the 41st, he saved your lives" and then the crew shows Zuko some love. A nice moment, but it feels unearned, when contrasted with the perfection of The Storm. In The Storm, Zuko's words and actions directly contradict each other, and Iroh's story gives the crew (and the audience) context as to why, which makes Zuko a compelling character. We get to piece it out along with them. Here - Iroh just flat out says it. He just says it, multiple times, to hammer in the point that hey, Zuko is Good Actually.

And then there's Iroh. You remember the kindly but powerful man who you can see gently nudging Zuko to his own conclusions? No, he's a pretty insecure dude who just tells Zuko that his daddy doesn't love him a lot and then he kills Zhao. Yeah. Iroh just plain kills Zhao dead. Why?

Iroh's characterization also makes Zuko come off as dumb - not just clueless and deluded, no, actually stupid. He constantly gets told that Iroh loves him and his dad doesn't, and he doesn't have any good answers for that, so he just... keeps on keeping on, I guess? This version of Zuko isn't conflicted and willfully ignorant like the OG, he's just... kind of stupid. He's not very compelling.

In the original, Zuko is well aware of Azula's status as the golden child. It motivates him - he twists it around to mean that he, through constant struggle, can become even stronger than her, than anyone. Here, Zhao tells him that "no, ur dad likes her better tee hee" and it's presented as some kind of a revelation. And then Iroh kills Zhao. I'm sorry I keep bringing that up, but it's just such an unforgiveable thematic fuckup that I have to. In the original, Zhao falls victim to his hubris, and Zuko gets to demonstrate his underlying compassion and nobility when he offers his hand to Zhao. Then we get some ambiguity in Zhao: does he refuse Zuko's hand because of his pride, or is it his final honorable action to not drag Zuko down with him? A mix of both? It's a great ending to his character. Here, he tries to backstab Zuko and then Iroh, who just sort of stood off to the side for five minutes, goes "oh well, it's murderin' time :)"

They mess with the worldbuilding in ways that didn't really need to be messed with. The Ice Moon "brings the spirit world and the mortal world closer together"? Give me a break. That's something you made up, as opposed to the millenia of cultural relevance that the Solstice has. That's bad, guys. You replaced something real with something you just hastily made up. There's a lot of that. We DID NOT need any backstory for Koh, for one. And Katara and Sokka certainly didn't need to be captured by Koh. I could go on and on, but again, this post is already way too long.

It's, um, very disappointing. A lot of telling and not very much showing, and I feel like all of the characters just... sort of end up in the same place they started out in. I feel like we don't see any of the characters grow: they're just told over and over again how they need to grow and what they need to do.

To sum it up: Netflix Avatar is a mile wide, but an inch deep.

[gffa]

Okay, so. The senator's speech. Here's why I'm okay with it: It fundamentally misunderstands the worldbuilding of Star Wars and the Force, in a way that's reasonable for a senator to misunderstand. To say the senator is right, you would have to say that the entire foundations of the Force are wrong, as well as it's pretty laughable to say that you shouldn't control your emotions. "Check yourself before you wreck yourself." is pretty good advice and that's literally just "control your emotions, before they control you". Because that's how the Force works, it's based on the emotions you pour into it--if you don't control your emotions, then you will run wild and out of control. To say that the Jedi seek to control their emotions, which is an impossible thing to do, fundamentally misunderstands that it's entirely possible. This is a speech coming from a member of the Senate, which has historically not always had the purest motivations, that Padme and Bail and Mon are written specifically as a contrast to the vast majority of senators who don't actually care beyond their own desires. We don't know anything about this senator specifically, but that's the weight that comes with having a character like this introduced--especially one who is trying to drag the Jedi into being more politically bogged down. Because that's the solution he's suggesting here, to weigh the Jedi down with outside oversight that doesn't actually understand who they are or what they do, who fundamentally misunderstand who they are (they're not a religion? come on, my guy, they are very clearly a religion, they have specific beliefs, practices, rites, and attitudes, to say they're not a religion is either dumb as shit or malicious bad faith lmao) and is very clearly not interested in the Jedi beyond them being a political enemy of his. He says, "But it's only a matter of time before one of you snaps." as if the Jedi haven't existed for literally 20,000 years at this point in galactic history and been aligned with the Republic since it's inception, something like 900 years ago at this point. His speech acts like a Jedi has never gone bad before or that the Jedi pretend they're above it--they very much don't. The Jedi are constantly making a point about how no one is above the dark side within them (TCW has a whole scene where the High Council say not even Yoda is beyond the dark side, and Yoda straight up agrees immediately), to say that one of them will snap and "who will be powerful enough to stop them?" is deliberately ignoring the worldbuilding. It ignores what the Jedi actually practice (it's a lifelong challenge not to give in to anger, so they're constantly on the path to turn away from it), it ignores that emotions very much are controllable, it ignores that the Jedi Order has been keeping a handle on their shit for thousands of years at this point, and it ignores that there's dark siders out there that were never trained by the Jedi, so if the Jedi aren't around to stop them, the Sith would have been wrecking the Republic's shit for the last 500 years. To be fair, they don't know that (but we the audience do, so we should know a bullshit argument when we hear one), but "who will be strong enough to stop him"? Idk, maybe the rest of the level 100 psychic space wizard monks? Pretty sure there's enough of them to stop someone who "snaps", if that happens. The senator's speech just flat out doesn't work with the established worldbuilding, in a way that really works for me, because that's kind of a huge established point throughout just about every piece of canon with the Jedi in it--people just do not understand them and hate the idea that anyone might actually be truly good because they can't imagine it for themselves. Because, as is a theme in Star Wars: "As much as people loved the Jedi, they also hated them, on some level. It is hard to look at people who have become their best selves. It reminds you that you have not."

The senator cannot fathom the idea that a group of people could become their best selves, he doesn't believe that it's possible, because he has not achieved it, and so seeing it in others unsettles him. And, yeah, that's a whole thing that happens with the Jedi in Star Wars, so this speech made a whole lot of sense to me, especially combined with, "So the answer is more bogging them down in political oversight that does not bother to or even want to understand them?" Like, yeah, I see where you're coming from, sir. And that's not even touching the idea of calling the Buddhist-inspired religion (which the Jedi explicitly are) a "cult", because anyone who unironically says that should not be trusted.

[aangular]

I kinda hate when people act like Aang is this naive kid who doesn’t know what’s going on or what he’s doing, especially at the beginning of the series.

For example, in “The Southern Air Temple, " he shows Sokka and Katara around, acting excited and playing around. Do you think that he doesn’t know what’s going on? Do you think that Aang, someone who grew up in that temple doesn’t know what is supposed to look like?

In his timeline, he had been gone for at most one week. Do you really believe that he would think it is normal that the place that was filled with people a few days ago is now completely empty Do you think that he would find it normal that the entire place is run down and poorly kept?

I’m just confused. Since episode one, the narrative has made it obvious that Aang has avoidant coping mechanisms, where he outright ignores what’s happening around him because he cannot deal with it. It’s an integral aspect of his character (since it’s the reason he ran away after finding out he was the avatar, which quite literally sets off the plot). I get it if people don’t necessarily like that aspect of his personality (wrong opinion, btw), but understanding that it’s there and how it affects how he interacts with the world is important to getting ATLA.

Yes, he did know what the being avatar meant to an extent, and he knew he had to learn the three elements, but the reason he didn’t go to the North Pole straight away was because he didn’t want to. He wanted to put it off for as long as possible, going on adventures and “eventually getting to the NP”.

There was literally a 2 part episode (The Winter Solstice) to tell us that Aang couldn’t just mess around that entire season because it introduced a time limit to defeat the Fire Lord. Ever since then, the gaang pretty much beelined for the NP, plus some detours, but that’s the magic of worldbuilding.

I would talk about his reluctance to learn waterbending from Pakku, but that’s a different post altogether.

Obviously, he didn’t understand what it was like growing up in the middle of a war (because he didn’t). Still, no one understood what losing their entire people and being the last of their kind was. And no one calls other characters naive or stupid for their constant insensitivity throughout the series…

The bottom line is that he knew; he always knew. It was just easier to pretend he didn’t.

[bearflinn]

Writing Advice: Worldbuilding as Tension

One of the most common pieces of advice/points of critique I see for writers of all skill levels, is avoiding exposition dumps, often accompanied by the age old 'show don't tell'.

When writing fiction in general, but especially sci-fi and fantasy, it's important that the reader understands how your world differs from our own. And worldbuilding is one of the few places where you're less likely to get hit by the proverbial SHOW hammer, since some things, like the rules of your magic system, are difficult to show. So telling becomes more permissible.

However, it can be incredibly tempting to just infodump at every opportunity. Especially for those of us who have a wiki with more words than the finished project will have. But as I'm sure you've heard before, doing this can break immersion and destroy the pacing of your narrative.

While there are multiple ways to make exposition engaging, I'm going to focus on the approach I use most commonly: The Drip Feed.

Filling an Ocean One Droplet at a Time

Before we get into the actual methodology, I want to take a moment to dissect how and why exposition dumps can be problematic.

The Problem: Context, Relevancy, and Retention

Context is both the thing we're trying to communicate, and the source of excessive exposition. It starts simple, like maybe the reader needs to know that the main character is poor. And I guess I should explain why they're poor. Next thing you know you've spent 4 pages describing the socioeconomics of your world.

That's what I call 'context chaining'. Since everything in fleshed out worlds is interconnected, it can be very easy to just keep on filling in the gaps. Preemptively answering any questions the reader might have. The problem?

Relevancy. When you introduce a ton of worldbuilding in one fell swoop, the vast majority of it won't be relevant to the current place in the narrative, even if it will eventually be relevant for the story overall. Which, you guessed it, hurts:

Retention. Without immediate relevant context for the worldbuilding you introduce. Readers won't have anything to anchor the information too. Calling back to the example I used earlier, readers will remember that the character is poor, and they will likely remember why. Anything beyond that is unlikely to be retained.

The solution?

Restraint and Trust

For many of us, the world we've built is a large draw of the narrative we're crafting. However, one of the best ways to draw people into your world is to talk about it as little as possible. But how will they know about x?? They won't, until it matters.

Now I'm not talking about soft worldbuilding. This will work for both hard and soft worldbuilding (honestly it's even better for hard worldbuilding).

Instead of straight up telling the reader about the world and all of its intricacies. Introduce the most complex aspects as questions that you answer bit by bit throughout the narrative. As an example, maybe our poor character is struggling to buy food because they went into debt casting spells.

Suddenly, the reader is wondering: Why do spells cost money? Who controls the supply of magic and/or components? Is spellcasting something everyone can do? What kinds of magic are more valuable than eating? and so many more.

But here's the key: don't answer them. At least, not until absolutely necessary or there's an organic place to do so. Wait until the perspective character is directly interacting with one of those questions. Maybe they walk past a trickling fountain, revealing that the mana wells are running dry. And later debt collectors come for the main character, revealing who controls the mana.

Unanswered questions are a huge source of tension, and worldbuilding can provide a subtle sustained undercurrent that you can leverage to propel the narrative in slow points and/or make your payoffs hit even harder. All you have to do is answer the right question at the right time.

The best part of this method is that by waiting until your perspective character is engaging with a part of your world. It allows you to convey exposition and character at the same time. But what about worldbuilding that the characters don't interact with directly? It doesn't matter.

Well it does, to you as the author. But in general, if something doesn't matter to at least one of your characters, it won't matter to your readers. If your character isn't a politician, they aren't going to care about the intricacies of your political system. So why would the reader?

In short, keep any worldbuilding closely tied to your characters' experience, and let the reader wonder. The end result is a smoother and more engaging learning curve that pulls the reader in. Giving them the satisfaction of putting the pieces together themselves.

If you have any questions or additional thoughts let me know!

[elbiotipo]

also, while we are at it

"my dragon flies because it's magic xdxddxdxd"

fine, acceptable, it's magic. Okay. Even as a biologist I'm willing to give it a pass. God knows that in my space opera project I've went "mumble mumble convergent evolution mumble" for some of my earth-like aliens. The shape is kinda believeable and original, you chose some cool features, it's fine, no need for the whole phylogenetic tree.

Now, why is it magic? what does it mean it is magic?

Were dragons created by a god? are they manifestations of nature? why are dragons, especifically, magic and not say, crocodiles?

Is it a species with physical presence and a life cycle, or are they magical beings? how many dragons are there, how important they are to your world? are they worshipped, feared, venerated, just some kind of weird megafauna but otherwise unremarkable? what do they eat, how much?

If it's a sentient dragon from a physical species, as most modern fiction seems to assume (you'd be surprised that in most medieval works they were mostly mindless beasts or demons, dragons as noble creatures are very much a modern invention in the West) how do they think? How do they act differently from smaller, less powerful, shorter lived species? Do they have their own gods, their own rituals, their own beliefs? Are they lonely beings or are they able, or interested, to form part of society, or even have their own societies?

What's the cultural role of a dragon in the world you're making? What do your characters think when they hear the word 'dragon'? What do they know about dragons, when your hero goes and finds one, what are their conceptions of it? Can they fight it? How? Why?

Notice that most of my questions aren't stupid UNREALISTIC! CINEMASINS DING!, but things that actually affect your characters, setting and plot. Don't like to write a ethnographical paper about dragons? do it anyways or I'll shoot you, don't, but if you're introducing an element to your story, even if you're using stock fantasy elements like dragons, you will benefit A LOT from thinking how they fit into your story.

And even in settings were "it's magic" is acceptable as an answer, or more *surreal* or comedic stories where things happen without too much logic, a dragon is still a symbol. What does your dragon mean in your story? "oh, a magical dragon". Fine. Why is there a dragon on your story? Don't have a whole herpetology paper, because this is just a romance? Okay, can you spare me a couple lines to tell me what does a dragon mean in your world? That too, is yuri worldbuilding.

[tossawary]

I was thinking about Xie Lian being able to snap the Xin Mo sword in half with his bare hands again, and then I thought to myself... "Wait, Xie Lian and Luo Binghe interaction could be really cute, though?"

Like, let's say that Xie Lian, during his time as a wandering trash god, accidentally falls into an interdimensional rift and ends up in the SVSSS world. His luck is bad like that. But while this is weird, sure, it's not that bad! The worlds are pretty similar and he can still make his living! So, Xie Lian wanders along as usual, curiously learning about this new world, picking through trash, occasionally punching demonic beasts to death to rescue awed civilians.

And at some point, Xie Lian runs into a young Luo Binghe while he's living on the streets. Let's say that Xie Lian rolls into town shortly before the death of Binghe's adoptive mother, has a few sweet encounters with this cute and kind child who doesn't have much to spare for a trash collector, and is there to comfort his new young friend when Binghe's adoptive mother passes away. Xie Lian is still there when Binghe gets thrown out onto the streets and he agrees to help the boy travel to Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

So, Binghe gets to spend a month or two as a trash-collecting god's apprentice! He doesn't know that Xie Lian is a god. He suspects that Xie Lian is just a very powerful rogue cultivator who is living very humbly for some reason. The time isn't entirely pleasant, because life is hard and Binghe is grieving, but Xie Lian understands pain very well and is an excellent companion. He sees Binghe safely to Cang Qiong.

At which point, clingy Binghe does not want to separate from this extremely nice person, but Xie Lian insists on it. He wants Binghe to have a better life. He's worried that his bad luck will somehow spread to this poor boy who reminds him of so many other people he's loved and lost. Xie Lian supervises the confusing entrance exam, while the adult Cang Qiong cultivators desperately try to figure out who this strange person is (Airplane Bro is going "???!!!"), and then leaves wistfully. Binghe will later look back on this particular period of his life very fondly.

Xie Lian can then go in and out of the SVSSS plot as a person pleases! I think it would be very funny if Liu Qingge ended up with an unwilling crush on Xie Lian as well, when they have a spar for some reason and Xie Lian handily SLAMS him into the ground. Xie Lian would probably end up running into Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang somehow, both of whom I think would end up being a little obsessed with him.

I think that the best place to bring Xie Lian and Binghe back together is maybe after Binghe escapes the Endless Abyss. So that Binghe can have a nice cry session on Xie Lian's shoulder. Xie Lian can possibly then introduce Binghe to Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang. Or else generally fumble his way through facilitating Bingqiu actually communicating and being less of a painful mess. Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan) is very confused by this character?! Where did he come from??? Who is he??? He's very nice, though, and Shen Qingqiu is feeling maybe a liiiiittle jealous over Binghe.

(I don't know how to handle the System in this AU, but I do like the idea of the System just... not being able to handle Xie Lian. Xie Lian is a god from a different worldbuild. He kind of just breaks everything.)

(If you want to get a little angsty and ghostly, you could have a plotline in which Xie Lian helps the ghost of Shen Jiu somehow. Qijiu resolution?)

Binghe would probably be open to the idea of getting together with Xie Lian as well as Shen Qingqiu. He has a type! He is full of love! But Xie Lian is definitely not interested and is very good at wiggling away from come-ons, so Binghe respectfully doesn't pursue that passing thought / childhood crush, no matter what Tianlang-Jun is saying about threesomes again.

Binghe ends up using the (tamed? broken?) Xin Mo sword to send Xie Lian (his "gege") back to Xie Lian's own world. (Or Mobei-Jun could maybe do it?) Xie Lian has been gone for years and wants to see how his world is doing. Binghe tearfully promises to visit him regularly and to come get him WHENEVER HE WANTS. Xie Lian pats his head and agrees to stay in touch.

So, then Xie Lian tumbles out back into his own world and into the start of the plot of TGCF. And at any point in the plot of TGCF, he's now able to summon a heavenly demon from another dimension (with a super powerful sword that can move mountains?) who would absolutely be willing to fight all of heaven for him.

Xie Lian generally isn't going to do this, because he doesn't want to involve Binghe in his problems, even though Binghe is CHEWING THE WALLS with the desire to help him in return. However, Xie Lian does really like to go out with Binghe and Shen Qingqiu (and sometimes people like Airplane Bro and Mobei-Jun and Liu Qingge as well) to nice restaurants every other week or so. "So, what's new?" "Oh, I've ascended to heaven again and it's a little troublesome, ha ha. How are you?"

Hua Cheng is... nonplussed. On one hand, he's a little jealous. On the other hand, FINALLY, people can recognize that Xie Lian is the best person in the world. Luo Binghe has GOOD TASTE and is just some well-meaning kid whom Xie Lian likes a lot and who rightly thinks heaven sucks. Hua Cheng is determinedly shaking Luo Binghe's hand and giving him advice from a Ghost King to a future Demon Emperor.

(Tianlang-Jun CANNOT be allowed into Ghost City. He will NOT leave. I think that Hua Cheng is strong enough to throw him out if necessary, but Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang would just keep slipping back in somehow. Permanently banned from the gambling tables no matter what he offers, but Tianlang-Jun is still allowed to hang out at the Ghost City playhouse because he quickly becomes the favorite audience member of all of the ghost actors. He has AWFUL taste. Yin Yu hates this guy.)

(Also, I do think that Xie Lian would not really like the Xin Mo sword at all. E'ming is a beautiful baby boy made from and by Hua Cheng, who is Xie Lian's favorite person in the world who has never done anything wrong ever. Xin Mo is some random blade that destroys Luo Binghe's mental health and turns him into the worst version of himself! Xie Lian could and possibly should snap that possession sword like a twig.)

[dailyadventureprompts]

See You Back at the Bonfire: Checkpoint Based Resurrection in D&D

Artsource

Between doing a writeup on soulsborne inspired campaign settings and another on the oldschool/newschool disparity between challenge and story, I got to thinking about death and its place in gamified narratives. Darksouls was the obvious influence, but I couldn't help but think of Dungeon Meshi, World of Warcraft, and supergiant's Hades.

Back in the day death was common in d&d, the challenges were unforgiving and the characters were expendable as they were simple. High level might as well have meant "high scoring", as the rewards for overcoming deathtraps and monsters with save-or-die abilities were directly translated into character progression. Death in this instance amounted to a combo breaker, being sent back to square 1 in a roguelike to do it all again. Over time though we started getting attached to our avatars, especially those of us who played primarily for story, leading characters to become too emotionally or mechanically complicated to feed into the blender.

This leaves the modern DM in a bit of a lurch: death by mooks or misadventure denies a satisfying (or heartwrenching) endpoint to the story you're collectively telling with your players. Look no further than Critical Role, where there are a small number of plot-meaningful deaths ( Vexhalia in the Tomb, Mollymauk to the Iron Shepards) and then a much larger tally of obligatory moments where someone fails one too many death saves and requires the use of a spell slot. The DM is forced to play with gloves on much of the time, holding back from creating real challenges because they don't want to kill any of their characters at the wrong time.

What I’d like to propose is that when it comes to challenge vs story we can have the best of both worlds if we’re a little more freehanded when it comes to resurrection. It'll take some tinkering and it won't fit for every story, but as a baseline assumption to the d&d formula, I think it could be quite useful.

How It'd Work: If someone dies before their appointed time , their body can be brought to a local temple to have the gift of life restored to them. Temples of their own deity are thought to work best, but lifegiving deities like Pelor or Illmater are known to be quite freehanded when it comes to raising the dead, and even small countryside shrines are known to work in a pinch. The resurrection may not work if the body is damaged, desecrated, or incomplete, though sometimes the spirit is simply incapable or unwilling to return.

For adventuresome types, this means that if you bite it while exploring the wilderness or some dank ruin you best hope your companions like you enough to drag your corpse back to the nearest altar. Likewise hope that you've kept on good terms with that god. If your entire party wipes, there's a chance for a good samaritan (or enterprising corpse picker) to help you out, though they'll usually help themselves to what's in your pockets in the meantime.

Some temples also sell rare tokens or burnable offerings that can transform any mundane campfire into a one-use resurrection altar, though the expendable nature of these charms mean they are in high demand.

Behind the scenes: what we've done here is turn character death from a plot derailer into a plot generator. Whenever someone in your party dies, it's your excuse to introduce new npcs, questhooks, and worldbuilding. Hades uses this trick to soften the blow of defeat with story progression, and DunMeshi uses it to build out the setting.

We can likewise take a point of inspiration from soulsborne games which use the player's desire to find a safety granting bonfire to spur exploration; What's the first thing the party are going to when hitting a new settlement after renting a room at the inn? Check out the neighbourhood temples to see which of the local gods is sympathetic to them. Same thing with seeking out the shrine nearest to the dungeon entrance before descending lower to face greater threats, which has them engaging with the location's story while discovering a minor questhook to endear themselves to the shrine god.

This is also to say nothing of all the fun adventure-fodder surrounding the mechanics including all the delightful "came back wrong" possibilities.

Finally let's talk about some gameplay assumptions: It's a tricky art building d&d encounters, especially since 5e play tends to default towards having fewer encounters per day, meaning a greater importance on these encounters being more challenging. This is a problem that I and many other DMs have wrestled with; finding the right degree of challenge for the encounter to be meanacing and meaningful, but without going so far as to risk an unexpected character death derailing my game. There's only so many permadeaths a player (and a story) can endure, to say nothing of the narrative killing tpk, which can scrap months of investment and storytelling potential.

Videogame designers figured out this balancing act of narrative and risk a long time ago, bumping characters back to a checkpoint when the player is overwhelmed by a challenge. The Soulsborne franchise built it's reputation on this "If at first you don't succeed, die, die again" mentality, which let them build the challenging ( read: engaging) gameplay the series is known for. Games like Hades go so far as to make this reset a centeral point of furthering the plot, allowing the narrative to expand with each stumble along the player's insurmountable climb.

By allowing characters to be easily revived, we end up with the best of both worlds when it comes to narrative vs. difficulty. The encounters we build can be more challenging in the moment if we know we won't accidently end a campaign if the dice get mean. This also makes players more likely to make big swings and try for optional content knowing the campaign less likely to end if they fuck up.

While some people might take umbrage with the idea of making resurrection commonplace, D&D already allows for characters to be revived though in-game mechanics at the cost of cleric spells and diamond dust. The devs figured out pretty early that even in a game centred around frequent violent clashes, it sucks to have a character you're invested in die unexpectedly, and it's better for the health of the game/narrative to be able to get those characters back at a cost. The problem is that these resurrection mechanics are siloed off to mid/high level characters, when it's the low level adventurers who are most fragile and thus most in need of an in-game safety net.

Secondly, look at the Soulsborne series as the inspiration for this post: part of the reason players are able to "Git Gud" is because the fast respawns allow for players to get right back into the action after making a fatal error, allowing for a "die, die again" playstyle focused on persistence and adaptation. This likewise allows developers to develop gameplay scenarios that are properly intimidating:

[starsreminisce]

Every couple so far has built upon the lore of the mating bond, with each pair answering one of the five Ws and one H while expanding on what came before.

What: Rowaelin Who: Feysand When: Nessian Where: Quinlar Why: Elucien How: Gwynriel

What: Rowaelin

Rowan and Aelin introduced the mating bond into the series and established its importance.

Who: Feysand

Feyre and Rhysand answered the question of who are mates. ACOMAF focused on the contrast between the two males Feyre had loved, with Feyre processing why Tamlin was not the right match for her and what Rhys had that Tamlin lacked.

When: Nessian

Nesta and Cassian’s story explored when the bond snaps. Both Nesta and Elain were Made, yet only Elain’s bond snapped immediately. Nessian’s bond did not snap until two years later after a pivotal confrontation between Nesta and Cassian during Solstice about her reasons for accepting Eris’s engagement. This brings the question of whether the bond snaps at a crossroads moment for the female, when she recognizes who she could be but also acknowledges that she is not yet ready.

Where: Quinlar

Bryce and Hunt’s story demonstrated that the mating bond transcends worlds. One of the major plotpoints of HOFAS was that Bryce was able to return to Midgard was because Hunt was her home. HOFAS also featured three mated couples (four if you count the damn weapons) who, despite being across different worlds, still found their way back to each other.

Why: Elucien

Elain and Lucien’s story will answer why the bond exists. SJM has already planted this question in the text: Feyre explicitly wondered why Lucien and Elain were mated, and Azriel echoed the question in the bonus chapter. Their personalities, interests, backgrounds, and reactions align, yet their bond remains unexplored and unresolved longer than any other. Both Elain and Lucien are at a crossroads, having exhausted what they can do alone, and their story will reveal what they can achieve together. It will also restore the balance of the mating bond, shifting it away from the power imbalance it currently has. Unlike the other male mates, Lucien has not pushed Elain for a decision, which may be key to redefining the bond’s role.

The mating bond is also a huge part of their story, considering both Elain and Lucien were as content as they could be before their bond snapped. Yet once it did, they each started pushing themselves to become more. Their journey has been about stepping beyond where they were and figuring out how they can better the world. It also helps that Lucien, being fully fae, has a deeper connection to and understanding of the mating bond compared to the other couples, who are either half fae or not fae at all. Elain, described as different from her sisters, is also unique in that she was the only female who knew about her mating bond much earlier and understood how her feelings for Lucien tied in with the mating bond and what came with it.

It is no secret that the mating bond is at the center of their conflict, which means their resolution will inevitably be tied to understanding why the mating bond exists in the first place.

How: Gwynriel

Gwyn and Azriel’s story will reveal how the bond snaps though this time through a male’s perspective. In every previous case, the bond has snapped from the female’s point of view. Even when Cassian’s bond with Nesta snapped, we saw it happen through Nesta’s eyes. Lucien, Rowan, Hunt, and Rhys all had their bonds snap outside of their POVs. Azriel, having waited 500 years for a mate, is the perfect character to show the experience from the male’s side.

A rejected bond does not fit into the grand scheme of SJM’s worldbuilding, especially given how the mating bond is tied to fate with severe consequences for those who do not follow it. Rejections leave a lasting impact: both mates feel the other’s death profoundly, and it follows them for the rest of their lives. This makes it unlikely that SJM will use bond rejection as a central theme, especially with how she has framed the consequences of ignoring fate.

All in all, Elucien and Gwynriel both have the best potential to strengthen her lore of the mating bond, adding more to what we have previously known from her other couples, especially since the main couples in her series are already mates.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Hey there!

I have something I haven't worked on in almost a year and I hadn't written the chapters in order. As a result, I'm left with plot holes.

Do you have any tips on getting back to work after a long time and how to deal with plot holes?

Love your work, by the way :)

Writing Notes: Plot Holes

Plot Holes - inconsistencies or gaps in the storyline or character development.

They are formed when a narrative stops following its own logic.

Viewers and readers only have the details you’ve provided to immerse themselves in a believable world.

If you present a narrative without thinking through the implications of each plot point, you may create an unsatisfying and incomplete story, which can lose your audience quickly.

Types of Plot Holes

Plot holes betray your audience’s trust and can lower the quality of literature, film, or television shows. Examples of plot holes include:

Factual errors: Factual errors—like incorrect dates or wrong information—can lose your audience (especially in historical fiction). For example, if you’re writing a romance set during the Civil War and your hero escapes in a jet, that would be a factual error that would create a logical plothole for the audience.

Impossible events: Any occurrence that defies laws of physics or science is an impossible event—like a character who becomes a professional dancer overnight to win a big competition, or a person who can hold their breath underwater for 20 minutes to escape a monster. Impossible events remind audiences of real life logic, which can distract and remove them from the story. Of course, as the author, you can build a world where impossible things do occur and seem logical.

Illogical plot developments: Events that upset the flow of logic can create huge plot holes. If you’ve built a world without magic, a character cannot suddenly be capable of magic to get themselves out of a jam. An all-powerful bad guy bent on world destruction won’t suddenly have a change of heart or point of view for no apparent reason. Audiences want the narrative you’re weaving to track with the details you’ve provided. They want to know that they are emotionally investing in a story that is going to make sense and pay off.

Contradictions: Introducing a rule and then breaking it for convenience later on is an example of a contradictory plot problem and produces inconsistencies within your writing. For example, if you establish in the beginning of a book that characters cannot come back from the dead, but then you suddenly have a deceased character return for story purposes, that creates a big plot hole. Contradicting your own rules destabilizes your narrative, depriving audiences of the grounded sense of information that they need to immerse themselves fully.

Unresolved storylines: Even your subplots should have their own story arcs—too many loose ends can make a story feel incomplete. Leaving loose ends can also lower the stakes of your story, since there are no real consequences to anything that happens outside the main plot. For example, a character who is introduced with a storyline that conveniently influences the plot or protagonist but is forgotten about later would be an unresolved storyline.

Tips for Fixing Plot Holes

When you reach the end of the film or book you’re writing and suddenly discover major plot holes, it can take a lot of hard work to write yourself out of a jam. One of the easiest ways to fix plot holes you come across is to identify potential ones early on in your writing process (like during the outline or first draft) and prevent them from occurring in the first place.

However, it can be nearly impossible to anticipate every avenue for your narrative, and sometimes your story needs tweaking. Your job as a writer is to do as much as you can in order to tell the most complete, understandable story for your audience.

Here are some tips for doing just that:

Think things through. Spend time worldbuilding in order to give your story structure and somewhere real to live. Establish the rules and boundaries of your imaginary world and how everything exists within it. Figure out the power dynamics, setting, backstory of your narrative. Think about how you want your story to develop, the cause and effect of each plot point, and where you want your main character arcs to go. Keep track of those details as you write to keep your world consistent.

Research your topic. If you’re writing a book about a hospital, you should be aware of all the common medical terms and how to use them. If you’re writing a movie about airplane pilots, you should know everything you can about being and becoming one. Common advice is to “write what you know,” but you can expand on what you know by doing the proper research. Research from reputable sources is the best way to avoid factual errors and can save you the headache of having to rewrite with new or different information later.

Provide setup. By establishing certain guidelines for your universe, you, in turn, establish them for yourself as a writer. When an easy solution to an impossible problem comes out of nowhere, it’s considered an example of “deus ex machina,” and is generally frowned upon by critics and audiences. Provide proper setup of your world by describing earlier events and characters—enough information to foreshadow an occurrence later (so that it doesn’t seem unwarranted) but not so much you drown your readers or viewers in exposition.

Pay off the information you set up. As the creator, you must find the balance between giving your audience too much information and giving them little enough so they’re intrigued for more. You’re also responsible for making your readers or viewers understand why certain elements of a story are important. This is one of the purposes of the Chekhov’s gun plot device: If you’ve written a scene where a particular element or object is introduced at the beginning, that element or object needs to be used by the end of the story. Otherwise, your readers may feel like they’ve wasted their time or like the writer forgot about their own details. Introduce things and provide enough information so that it pays off in a satisfying way by the end of your story.

Take a break. If you find yourself drowning in illogical plot points, walk away from your writing. Sometimes, an author can be too close to their writing project in order to see it objectively. Revisiting your writing later with fresh eyes may offer you a different perspective or new strategy that could possibly help solve any issues you’ve come across.

How to Get Back Into Writing

When you first return to writing after a long hiatus, you should have a plan for building up your writing practice and getting creative juices flowing the way they once did. Here are some tips to get you back to the craft you love:

Read a lot. Nothing can jumpstart a return to writing quite like some inspiration. It doesn’t matter what you choose to read, but you may find more relatable inspiration in contemporary authors like Stephen King and Dan Brown than in classics from a past era.

Make a schedule to establish writing habits. Any published author will tell you that the secret to becoming a better writer is getting into a routine. In order to establish a writing groove, most authors write at the same time every day. Some aim for a specific word count or page count, while others simply write for a fixed amount of time. If you have a day job to balance, you can schedule your own writing session at any time of day. The key is to keep writing at the same time over a prolonged period.

Assign yourself creative writing exercises. If you want to build up your writing muscle after a long time away, you simply need practice. Creative writing prompts can be a great way to kickstart a writing practice.

Start a journal or digital document for story ideas. Nothing derails a return to writing quite like writer’s block. But you can stave this off by keeping a running list of novel, short story, and even nonfiction book ideas. The process will depend on how you work best. Maybe you prefer to jot down broad ideas, or perhaps you’re the type to sketch out ideas in great detail before you start the actual writing process. Either is fine; the main goal is to not find yourself staring at a blank page and unable to think of an idea.

Get ideas from real life. Your actual life is full of sources for writing projects. Base your main character on a family member or your best friend and use their real-life changes to guide your story’s character development. Use details about your hometown to build the world of your fictional story. Or, if you don’t want to invoke any person or place that’s too connected to you personally, take it upon yourself to do some people watching. Sit in cafes or libraries and see who comes in. You never know who might provide you with that spark of inspiration.

Comb through old writing projects. Revisit the works of your younger self and see if there’s an old work-in-progress that might be worth revisiting. Perhaps fresh eyes will give you a thousand ideas as to how to develop what’s currently on the page, or perhaps you’ll remember why you abandoned the project in the first place and turn your attention to a new book project instead.

Get ideas in unorthodox ways. If you’re still short on ideas, try random idea generation to get yourself going. For instance, pick up a great book you admire and start the first draft of your novel with the same first word. Or start your draft with a totally random word and then write a first line that puts that word in context. Try freewriting without an outline—but perhaps only as an exercise since it’s really hard to freewrite an entire book without meandering. Don’t be too precious about the story you make up. If it’s your first time back in several years, no one is expecting you to write a Pulitzer Prize winner.

Brush up your creative work as a content writer. Content writing tends to fall into two categories: marketing (particularly branding-based writing for the Internet) and technical writing that explains how to do something. Compared to fiction writing, there are a lot more paid jobs for content writers. If you can get one of these jobs, you can brush up on the mechanics of your writing—from grammar to syntax to clear explanations—and later apply that to your creative work. You can also rebuild your writing skills by blogging or just keeping a private diary.

Write for writing’s sake. The sobering reality is that most story ideas will not be published, much less end up on a bestseller list. So rather than invest a lot of time triangulating your writing for commercial appeal, be true to yourself. Write about what excites you, give it a strong point of view, and invest in the art of writing fiction for no other reason than that you love it.

Sources: 1 2 ⚜ More: Notes & References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

Plot Holes & Other Structural Issues

Structural Edit ⚜ Book Editing Checklist

Thanks so much for your kind words! Glad to hear you're getting back into writing. Hope these notes and tips help :)

[thesiltverses]

Hey Jon! Looking for a bit of writing advice since you seem to be pretty good at this- How do you write metaphors without being too on the nose? It’s something I’m struggling with at the moment. Thanks!

I'm probably not the right person to ask this question because I have very strong and specific opinions.

When we talk about metaphors being too on-the-nose, I think we're really saying one of three things.

It's too obvious in the sense that it's been done before (e.g. an oppressed fantasy race being used as a catch-all metaphor for real-life marginalised peoples)

It's too obvious in the sense that it's offputtingly reductive and over-simple, either in terms of making the story and characters feel real, or as a tasteless misrepresentation of the issue it aims to address (e.g. an oppressed fantasy race being used as a catch-all metaphor for real-life marginalised peoples).

A century's worth of establishment critical analysis attempting to make sense of modernism and post-modernism has made us all hopeless idiots who believe an allegory is invariably no good unless it's buried deep in complex referentiality and can only be retrieved with months of study. (e.g. a very timely example - J.B. Priestley's An Inspector Calls, where the author uses the format of the detective mystery to address the role of the super-wealthy in social murder and make the case that it is every bit as real as lawless murder, is extremely on the nose! It's taught in schools because the message is very clearly spelled out! But that's exactly what it needs to be and it would not be better if it was subtler! Being on the nose means you've landed the punch!)

So for me there is no broad-brush answer, it depends very much on the position and role of your metaphor in the story (and so this answer is probably useless, again, without knowing the specifics). I'd begin by asking yourself the same question on two fronts: where does the metaphor take me next?

As the writer, does the metaphor give me more to play with, or is it entrapping me into an over-familiar structure or tropes? A much-discussed 'bad metaphor' right now is horror movies where the monster is Trauma...which then blocks the narrative into a predictable corner where the hero inevitably has to cathartically overcome the Trauma or it'll send the wrong message.

Correspondingly, as an audience member, once I grasp the metaphor, what am I going to feel other than 'oh, I get it?' Children of Men is too direct and on-the-nose to even be considered an allegory. Its extremely unsubtle and one-note depiction of a monstrous near-future Britain that's forcibly rounding up refugees fills me nonetheless with powerful emotion - with terror, with unease, with anger, with a faint hope in the kindness of strangers. But that's in the immense strength of its characters, its careful observation, and its tense action to make me care. By comparison, when a fantasy story has human bigots locking up impoverished nomadic elves or what-have-you, I usually feel absolutely nothing, not because it's too fantastical, but because the writer doesn't have any genuine insights or depth of empathy for the issue or the (in)humanity involved, and is instead just using the metaphor as a piece of worldbuilding shorthand to signal to the audience who is good and who is bad. (Some writers will then attempt to gussy up the metaphor by introducing moral complexity - oh, no, the elves have stabbed a random innocent human! - but this doesn't actually improve anything, it only makes the parallel ever more tasteless.)