#an hour early to be exact
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i was dismissed way too early from work today and now i'm just like š§š»āāļø
#an hour early to be exact#my mentor was like do you guys have any deadline briefs? no? okay bye see u tomorrow#and dudeeeee i was running around all day bc was sure we'd have to stay until later today and i have to take a train at 6:30pm#and now i'm like. i was so stressed out FOR WHAT i have so much time in my hands now#(so much time in my hands = one hour)
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Fluent Freshman - Part 44
PREV
The flight up to New York is a pleasant one.
The time in the airport itself had been less pleasant. Matt, as it turns out, is a firm believer in arriving with just enough time to check a bag, get through security, and get to the gate. He had claimed up, down, left, and right that he had it down to a science.
No matter how many times Smith had wondered about the scientific rigor of this 'science' he still kept it to himself. There was no need for Smith to voice his uncertainty with this plan because Kevin well and truly had it covered.
"You're giving us only an hour to check bags, get through security, and get to our gate?!" Kevin demands.
"Kevin, if you wanted to be there earlier then you could have asked Andrew to give yo a ride." Matt says. "We'll be fine."
"You know what Neil and Andrew get like when they have a long roadtrip ahead of them." Kevin argues.
"All lovey-dovey?" Nicky asks as Aaron makes a gagging sound.
"No, well yes, but no they always stop and buy all of the worst food too." Kevin reminds. "I'm just concerned about us missing our flight! We have barely enough time!" Kevin huffs crossing his arms.
"You're wrong anyways." Aaron says idly as he continues to text with Katelyn.
"How am I wrong?!" Kevin demands.
"We also have to park within that hour that Matt has left us with." Aaron says looking up from his phone.
"Matt!" Kevin squawks.
"It'll be fine." Matt reassures for the 2nd time.
"We all have checked bags!" Kevin exclaims, "What if we miss our flight?!" he wails.
"It'll be fine!" Matt repeats.
"No it won't!" Kevin exclaims.
---
It was fine.
The only real delays they met were at security.
Smith prided himself on being efficient in the security line. He has his watch off, his phone and ID secured in a zipped jacket pocket, his backpack and electronics in separate trays, and his shoes ready to be slipped off.
So he was shamed to have been the cause of the first delay when the TSA agent wouldn't wave Smith through the metal detector since she didn't realize he was there. That had been a whole anxiety attack and a half as the line had formed up behind him all wondering what the hold-up was.
Finally she seemed to startle as she realized that Smith had been standing there waiting and waved him through.
The other delay was that Kevin got patted down after he had forgotten to empty his 'emergency' water bottle.
It was probably for the best that they didn't have to be in the airport for that long. Every announcement that it was very important to not leave your bag unattended made him worry that with every blink somehow someone had slipped a bomb into his backpack.
While it was on his back.
As he was running with the rest of his friends to their gate.
"It just had to be the gate on the other end of the terminal." Aaron huffs.
"It would have been 100% perfect if someone hadn't left their water bottle in their bag despite the, let me check, 3,820 signs that said remove all liquids from your carry-ons!" Matt says as they continues to run.
"I said I forgot!" Kevin yells back from his spot at the front of the pack. Smith was under the distinct impression that Kevin was keeping pace with them since he had seen the Striker move much faster on the court and during warm-ups.
"We could have forgiven that!" Nicky pants, "Why did you have to slam the whole thing to prove that it was 'just water'?" he asks.
"Because I wanted to prove I wasn't a national security threat!" Kevin says. "I'll be going to the Olympics in a couple years and I can't have that on my record." he continues as he rounds a corner.
"What record?!" Smith asks suddenly worried that there was a record.
"Smithy, there's no record Kevin's just an idiot. An idiot who got patted down, tested for explosives, and had his carry-on searched." Nicky huffs.
"You don't know that there's not a record! The record everything nowadays!" Kevin huffs and their gate is in sight.
"Kevin, just shut up!" Aaron exclaims as they reach the line for their flight.
"Wait why aren't any of you getting shitty with Smiths?!" Kevin asks.
"His delay was like a minute and more importantly NOT HIS FAULT!" Nicky defends.
"He should have just walked through!" Kevin argues.
"Oh it's fine if he gets a record but not you?!" Aaron asks.
"So there is a record?!" Smith asks again.
They reach the line and the largely empty area around their gate is more than enough evidence that this was the final boarding. Smith breathed a sigh of relief as he took his place in line behind Nicky.
"The lines pretty slow, I'm going to go get a water." Kevin says and before any of them can say anything he is off towards a busy looking Newsweek store.
"I cannot believe him." Aaron huffs.
"All that water he just drank and is about to drink? He has lost window seat privileges." Matt pants wiping sweat from his brow.
"Agreed." Nicky says.
Smith laughed between panting breaths. His stomach hurt a bit from the stress of running but it was fine.
They get on the plane without Kevin and head to their seats. Most of the overhead storage is taken up at this point but Smith slides his bag under the middle seat in front of him after Matt
In the end, Kevin barely made it onto the plane in time since he got caught up in deciding on water. "You're in my seat." Kevin says as the only man not yet seated.
"I am not about to spend this flight getting up every 2 minutes because you have to pee." Matt says, "Abby didn't used to need to take all those pitstops when we're on the bus." Matt adds.
"I hate the aisle, the cart could hit my legs." Kevin argues.
"Then you can sit in the middle if Smith's willing to move." Matt says.
"You can have the middle Kevin." Smith offers actually preferring the aisle seat since then he doesn't have to ask anyone to move for him.
"I hate the middle seat, there is no room." Kevin crosses his arms.
"Smith is like only 3 inches shorter than you and he's not complaining." Matt continues.
"It's an important 3 inches."
"I bet it is."
"Nicky, are you serious?"
"What?!"
"There is an uninvolved member of the public, right there."
"He's wearing headphones it's fine!"
---
It's fine.
Eventually Kevin takes the middle seat if for no other reason than Matt stubbornly pretends to go to sleep but absolutely does not want the aisle seat either.
Smith gives it up and ends up with his own preferred seat while Kevin pointedly takes both of the arm rests, as is his right. The plane ride progresses smoothly from there. Smith has always liked flying. There is always a sense that the second that he gets onto the plane and the door closes he has absolutely zero control over what happens afterwards.
That is a nice comfort.
He pays attention to the safety briefing, finds his nearest exit, and that he should secure the bag over his own face before securing it on Kevin's.
He puts his headphones on and tries not to think about the anxiety of meeting the 'girls'.
He has heard much about the 'girls'.
Allison Reynolds. Allison was someone who's legacy existed even outside of the team. Smith didn't know much about fashion but a Reynolds bet remained a solid practice within Palmetto. She was, undeniably, absolutely gorgeous and if Kevin was to be believed 'kind of a bitch'. Nicky had swatted his arm but had said that it was not entirely inaccurate but like 'in the best way'.
Dan Wilds. He met Dan. Dan was nice. Also, if Matt was to be believed, the best human to ever walk the planet earth. The reason the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The gravitational pull that held the universe together. If Andrew is to be believed, she's fine.
Renee Walker. Renee was the one who taught Andrew how to use knives. His friend has talked warmly of her, in the way that Andrew talks warmly about anyone which is mentioning them at all. She was the one that Smith was the most anxious about meeting.
Kevin turns his nose up at the ginger ale that Smith gets but he's allowed these now per his actual doctors orders.
1 hour left until arriving at JFK.
He hopes this ginger ale is enough to calm his stomach since he's still not allowed Pepto.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
#Fluent Freshman AU#Oh boy it feels nice to write this again#If I were to name this chapter something else it would be 'Smiths on a Plane'#MAN IT'S BEEN A MONTH#Moved#got my place painted#got new appliances because my old ones were older than me#Developed a life long hatred for whoever designed the barstools I bought from WayFair#It was not just what I needed#Anyway we're back#Smith's on a plane#About to meet the GIRLS#Kevin almost had to call Andreil to have them come back#There may have been some autographs given to the staff to be able to re-open the door for him.#He wanted mineral water and wanted to be selective on the minerals#I don't mean to write him like this but every time I write him he is like this#Matt is based on my sister in this regard with 'exact science' meanwhile I show up 4 hours early to a flight#Like no checked bag I'm TSA pre-checked#I have never missed a flight and I fear what i'd do if I did#Matt may be a bit of a Gomez for Dan but who can blame him#Next up Smith actually meets the girls#Fluent Freshman - 44#AFTG#AFTG OC#AFTG AU#Palmetto State Foxes#AFTG Fic
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#when i was first coloring him in he was gonna be golden chinchilla colored but then i was like ehhh jonah magnus should be red/orange but#elias should be gray ...so i just desaturated what i already did instead of recoloring lol but#he is now supposed to be shaded silver lol#but thats why his coat pattern is on the darker side compared to what it *should* be#og elias bouchard coming from an important/roch family and while whole thing with thinking he just *deserves* stuff bc of his upbringing.#etc. -> he is purebred and matches the breed standards etc for a scottish fold of his color#obviously the eye color doesn't matter because. ahaha#i thought elias fit the Scottish fold vibes because: Scottish folds are known for looking sort of like owls and having intense eyes#and the cat body/face type (also present in british shorthairs) to me gives off sort of... unnasumming vibes?#like ahaha yes i am a boring boss who loves paperwork look at how unnasumming i am season 1-2 elias y'know#trying to think of what cat breed jonah would be. and also jon gerry etc you know all the other characters i like#would it be boring to have multiple british shorthairs#i mean..#Michael shelley/distortion is a laperm that's all I know#i didn't particularly care with the personality attributes associated with eliascat because it didn't need to fit his personality on account#of not being his original body. but i do try to keep in mind the best personality/look/etc. cat attributes as a whole for a character#also sometimes get obsessed with jt making historical and geographical sense but then it just limits me greatly to a point im not into it#so i don't care about specific breeds in that respect lol#tma#my art#elias bouchard#the magnus archives#some notes looking back(made it 2 hours ago but still looking back ok..) on it now are that i feel like elias would never choose this breed#for his next bodyhop because of the inherent health issues in scottish folds. I saw the breed was created in like the early 1960s and#assumed that maybe the health issues wouldn't have been common knowledge until later enough for jonah to be unaware of them but actually no#there's legislation about it like 6 years later LOL so jonah would..maybe not make this choice#i guess in the future when drawing i will just make him a British shorthair#my catTMA is simultaneously 'they are just regular cats or like all show cats or something' and 'exact tma plot but as intelligent cats'#LOL its just vague in my mind idk..also maybe jon can be an Abyssinian#ALSO WHAT WAS I THINKING 'jonah may not have been aware about x thing' like did i...did i forget. me 2 hours ago was dumb as rocks
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O'Knutzy Week Day 5
Yooo, we've made it to the end!! (Of creating at least, still two more days left but I didn't have time to make anything. Also still written in advance to the actual week.)
Anyway, I figured for the last day I would share the songs on my O'Knutzy playlist I listened to while writing my stories (+ the characters they remind me of and why they did)
Credit of this beautiful thing we call Logan Tremblay, Finn O'Hara, and Leo Knut to @lumosinlove , and thanks to @oknutzy-week-2024 for also just being amazing.
Anyway songs under cut :)
shhh its a shit ton of Hozier
Line Without a Hook, Rick Montgomery - Ok look at me and tell me this isn't Harvard Era Finnlo. "You can hold my hand if no ones there" LOGAN! "All my emotions feel like explosions when you're around" FINN! Nuff' said.
Wish You Were Sober, Conan Gray - I only need one word to explain this one. Harvard. Next!
Sun, Two Door Cinema Club - Mainly reminds me of Finn, especially when he's in Gryfindor and Logan's still at Harvard. But also like listen to it, literally the entire song is just them.
Young In America, Barnes Courtney - Just gives me that Harvard vibe yk, Finn and Logan being best friends and then being drawn apart, it just fits them Imo. ALSO THAT LAST FUCKING VERSE IS SO UGH FINNLO (Also happens to be my favorite song rn so that may be part of it but like it's still them)
Running In Circles, Dead Poet Society - LOGAN. Specifically Logan his last year of college without Finn and him being in pain. Him having to hide it as well, and pretending he's not completely fucking devastated without Finn. Just the angst.
Atlantis, Seafret - Makes me think of Logan being scared and constantly telling Finn they can't and pretty much everything after the night Finn leaves Harvard. The feeling of helpless and inevitable heartbreak is very in line with that period of time.
Mind Over Matter, Young The Giant - Very Logan coded. Kinda how I imagined him with Leo and Finn before they got together. Also, "Cause' I'm a young man built to fall" is just something I think Logan would have told himself on why he couldn't tell Finn or Leo.
To Someone From A Warm Climate, Hozier - Also very Logan coded, I imagine him just quietly singing this into Leo's ear in the dark of a winter night, which are cold in Gryfindor which Leo is NOT used to.
Francesca, Hozier - Ahem, "the entire fucking song". Finn. This song = Finn. More exactly reflecting back on all of the hurt he and Logan went through together and knowing he would do it again. And again. And again. Especially when he's a Lion and O'Knutzy isn't a thing yet.
Home, Good Neighbours - Leo's homesickness, Logan missing Gryfindor in NY, Finn wanting to go back to Logan at Harvard. All of it. Though it did mainly make me think of Leo going home for a little bit after the Rangers knocked the Lions out of the playoffs in Vaincre.
TIMEZONE, Maneskin - Let me take you back to a lovely place called Logan fully ditching all-stars to see Leo and Finn in Vaincre. If this isn't the most Logan song I've ever heard, I don't even know. Also could be Logan in NY, or even Finn in Gryf while Logan's at Harvard.
Heaven Must Have Sent You, The Elgins - Leo. Just the way Leo tends to think about Finn and Logan, and he's definitely played this while dinner was cooking and the three of them danced in the kitchen.
Can't Take My Eye's Off You, Frankie Valli - Leo sings this at karaoke night constantly and you cannot tell me otherwise. Anyway, self explanatory, moving on.
Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene, Hozier - Finn and the way he thinks of Leo and Logan. I think that's enough.
From Eden, Hozier - Yk, I don't actually have a clear explination for this one, it just gives me those O'Knutzy vibes.
Somewhere Only We Know, Keane - Reminds me of Harvard and the Roof, but also just a very O'Knutzy and FinLo song that makes me want to reread Coast to Coast.
Ditmas, Mumford and Sons - FinLo falling apart after Finn graduates. The angst is very appropriate and obviously it doesn't last but this is how I imagine it was back then.
i wanna be your girlfriend, girl in red - Very self explanatory, we don't need to dwell on it.
Figure You Out, VOILA - Hey remember when Logan freaked out when he though Finn got a girlfriend? This, it's this. Every time one little romantic interest and Logan just turns into the embodiment of this song.
Mercy, Shawn Mendes - Ok yes Ik it's basic but this is totally how Finn felt when him and Logan were doing their little dance around each other and it was absolutely Killing Finn.
Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran - OK I GET IT ALSO BASIC but it does genuinely make me think of an older O'Knutzy, one that will love each other for a very long time and will love each other no matter what happens and how they change.
High, Stephen Sanchez - Sorry this song is so Finn being fucking horny over Logan in college and thinking about all the things he would do to him given the chance.
Beautiful Things, Benson Boone - SHUT UP I KNOW BASIC, but anyway this is Logan thinking over the last few years and how things have gotten so much better but also being so so so scared he could lose it all in a moment. His beautiful things are Finn and Leo.
Supernatural, Barnes Courtney - Finn constantly at Harvard. Logan and him are dancing around each other and Logan keeps fucking touching him and being so close and it drives him insane. And just a very Harvard Era song.
Like Real People Do, Hozier - Not Finn saying "can we for once not kiss while we're both crying" and that's literally just this song in different words, ok?
If She's Anything Like Me, MALINDA - Logan with every single girl Finn talks about or even looks at. Finn is genuinely the most perfect and lovable person in his eyes, so why wouldn't everyone else love him, too? And just because he doesn't have the guts to say it, that doesn't mean they won't.
Heat Waves, Glass Animals - Ok ok ok ok ok hear me out..... Actually I don't have much to defend this so Ig it's just all of them staying up late at night just thinking about each other.
Home, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - A very FinLo coded song, especially with the "Jade...Alexander....I was falling deep deep deeply in love with you," part because tell me that didn't happen. Also Leo works in here too because home is with his boys and their home will always be with him, too.
When He Sees Me, Kimiko Glenn & co - Definitely what Leo came into his Rookie season thinking. Especially once he met Finn and Logan knowing he'd be head over heels if he wasn't careful. Just very Leo as well because ofc he's fucking defensive of his heart right after Jack bitchass Archer.
She, Foxy Venus - Guess, take a wild guess. Did you guess Harvard Era Finlo because yeah, that's it. More specifically I think Finn and trying to get Logan out of his mind and move on and that not working whatsoever.
Can't Help Falling in Love, Elvis Presley - This took me an embarrassingly long time to add but yeah Very much Leo with his boys and then Logan and Finn with Leo.
Can't Pretend, Tom Odell - Also took me an embarrassingly long time to add considering it HAS THE SAME TITLE AS ONE OF MY FUCKING WORKS but we don't need to dwell on it. Anyway, FinLo again, especially canonically when they have their little talks about loving each other and not admitting it.
This playlist will probably grow but y'all ain't getting my Spotify so it's just a list rn, might add onto it, idk. Anyway, hope this was suitable for a final O'Knutzy week post and figured it be fun to show you what I was listening to while writing all this. Genuinely I had To Someone From A Warm Climate on repeat while writing the first half of With a Straight Face because if y'all we're confused about the vibe, it's that (especially the beginning). Also Supernatural was on repeat for the first part of When We Can't Pretend (Oh and High was on repeat during the Kiss in the second half, lol).
Ok peace I genuinely can't wait to see everything when I get back in August!
#finn o'hara#logan tremblay#leo knut#o'knutzy#sweater weather lumosinlove#breakaway lumosinlove#vaincre lumosinlove#coast to coast lumosinlove#I'm so tired I can't tag rn#If yall made it this far congrats sorry for my weird music tase#I would have had more barns courtney if more fit with o'knutzy but unfortunately it does not#I should have gone to sleep two hours ago but alas#here I am#I'll probably just put to someone from a warm climate on repeat until I fall asleep#I'm actually so mad that I remembered can't pretend by Tom Odell only after i'd finished my fic with the exact same title#like that could have been perfect#anyway this was actually made the day before the actual week so I'm not as early in scheduling this one#hope it was a good week#Ill be back in August to see the beautiful trainwreck#o'knutzy week 2024#was#oh shit#forgot to tag#lumosinlove#told you Im tired#I'm going to bed now
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#ā ļø#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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approximately 2 hours until the internet becomes completely unusable for anyone who didn't buy the digital deluxe edition
#well idk the exact time i think it was 2 hours but idk#i am once again reminding you all that the 22nd isnt the full release date it is the early access release date#be mindful of that OR ELSE !!!!
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Do you know this (canon) ADHD character?
Proof: It's a significant plot point in the Percy Jackson books that all the demigods have ADHD and dyslexia.
#poll#adhd#actuallyadhd#actually adhd#pjo#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#canon adhd character#you guys knew this was coming. ive already gotten 3 submissions of him. had to post him early so people knew Yeah#He's Been Submitted#will post the first noncanon one in a couple hours!#multiple people submitted this exact image. it's a good image
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.
#vent#vent post#cw negative#Sevenās Public Diary#wish i wasnāt so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#iām so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i donāt like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but itās like my body was fucking built for that or something#i donāt like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didnāt need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didnāt get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap wouldāve been fine and i wouldāve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and iāll either give in and attempt to take a ānapā and itāll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or iāll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and iāll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i donāt know how much longer theyāre gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think thatād like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. iām addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc itās all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnessesā symptoms#like a soft reset.#and itās the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) thatās enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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its been two years by the way. fuck
#wl26#well the exact anniversary is in a couple of hours#middle of the night. early morning. explosions everywhere#its been 2 years and its still not over#im safe. but so many arent#im safe but for how long#when will this ever stop
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āhello, itās maintenanceā NOOOOO
#GET OUT OF MY FUCKING FLAT ITS NOT EVEN 10AM#ātwo flats have been randomly selected and itās yours and-ā FR?? IN THE WHOLE FUCKING BUILDING??? DIE THERES LIKE A HUNDRED FLATS HERE#I need to start trading them for something#yes u can come into my flat unprompted at early hours of the morning#but in exchange u need to tell me the exact shade of paint used on the walls so I donāt get fined for the marks Iāve left fucking EVERYWHERE#thatās fair imo. cough up#god I had awful cramps last night like almost as bad as what I used to get with my period#but i also feel like I hallucinated it like I was half asleep so who even knows#I woke up sweating bc my electric blanket was on full blast which I remember doing to help the cramps so ig it was real?#but also why tf was I having periodesque cramps to begin with#weāre past that girl someone tell my uterus sheās doing too much#hella goes to uni
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Everyday ive had to get up real early then im like busy all day and ive just commited to this life for the rest of the year
#i have my orientation in the morning and i have to wake up early and go into the fucking zoom meeting portal#cause idk if i have a general orientation then a 1 on 1 or if its just 1o1#then i prolly have to go to the actual financial aid office and get the numbers i need and get my id#and im assuming that the one on one meeting is where ill make my schedual which is fine but i wish this was all in person#id be so much easier also like if u want me to get excited abt going to school a zoom meeting is gonna do the exact opposite#tbh im anxious#itll be nice to get hours once work picks up but i hate to think that like in 2 months its gonna be school work school work work work work#and like 1 random day off in the week till november when its no days off#im still gonna have my fun im still gonna hang out with my friends and go to events and see movies my days will just be very long lmao#everything always works out
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a very small thing i hate is when people say "i will be there between this hour and this hour" because they are always inevitably going to turn up at the later time but i have to be ready for the earlier time just in case
so i end up.... sitting here.... waiting....
#;forever yelling into the abyss (ooc)#( and me being me i am always ready at least half an hour early too )#( like pls can you just say āaround exact timeā bc at least then i have a smaller frame to aim for )#( i don't expect someone to turn up exactly on that time but it's infinitely easier than the space of an entire hour or more )#( it's even worse when someone gives me an estimated time thay covers the span of *multiple* hours like pls. pls that is too much )#( that* i'm not typing that tag out again to fix the typo. fckn mobile tumblr- )
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when you thought you knew how you learn best but turns out you really don't or was either too lazy or too frazzled by how much there was to cover to put it into practice.
#istg i should've been drawing diagrams since the beginning of the semester#would've reduced sooooo much cognitive overload#i didn't know why i always felt so awful when reviewing my notes for exams until today#it's cognitive overload theory#also explains why i learn sm slower when reading#(cuz i'm looking at and comprehending the words while mentally visualizing the thing i'm reading abt)#vs when watching a video where they're talking about the exact same thing except with a diagram#studyblr#rant#learning how to learn#psychology#pharmacology#words thrown at the wall#i'm tired but there's still quite a bit to review...#i should sleep early to wake up early bc those quiet hours are more productive (fresh brain) than the quiet hours in the evening
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got discharged from the er home and showered i was there umm like nine hours. my final message: fibroid warriors assemble! not for long tho (hysterectomy this yr, maybe i can get it pushed up now lmao)
#i got a lot of scans and labs everything looked good except i said hey do i have endometriosis or something and the docs said maybe lets#look. came back after a couple ultrasounds and were like well we cant diagnose u bcuz it needs a camera but looks like u hve fibroids#well i was KIND of right okay!#anyway i dont rly have specific and exact answers they just told me a lot of things it ISNT and said i wasnt in like#a life threatening dangerous situation rn everything seems like ok im just in pain. so gonna go to my doc app on thursday#they might order a ct scan. the hospital was backed up it was so fucking busy they fucked up and discharged me early and didnt tell me and#had to resign me back in hours later after id been waiting there i had to get in the queue again t was a whole thing.#anyway my point w that was the ct scan thingy was a 6 hour wait they said#and i was like. nah. ill wait. the doc on thurs can order one and get me in like a walk-in why would i not sleep tonight#and spend more time in the er aka the scariest place in the world
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my mom died a year ago
#grief#technically Iām about 4 hours early from the exact tod but yeah#i was probably up til 3:30 or so that night#I could double check bc i wrote a journal entry that night when i couldnāt fall asleep#itās been 365 really busy days but shit right now it feels like no time has passed at all#but shoutout to palliative care nurses everywhere#and mad props to the oncologists doing bonkers scifi treatments and trials#keep up the good work#momās final cancer was a hell of an eldrich beast but medicine keeps developing#and bringing on night nurses for those last three nights of hospice was such a help and a comfort I donāt think I have words for#someone asked me earlier in the afternoon if i was through it having been a year and all#and i straight up said No I Am Still In The Thick Of It#my cousin (who lost her dad/my uncle 8ish years prior) said at the funeral reception āit doesnāt get betterā#and she was right#it doesnāt get any better at all#you just get used to it#the lack of that person becomes familiar#even though your connection to them still feels active#like a phantom limb#it still feels horribly horrendously wrong that sheās gone#the world is certainly poorer in her absence#if I could offer any advice for anyone it would be to talk to your loved one(s) about this all ahead of time#donāt wait til they get sick donāt wait til they get old or whatever#start talking through it now#(certainly legally but also logistically)#unfortunately itās a certainty that you will lose the person most important to you#or they will lose you#so donāt hide from it or put it off. itās part of any relationship. itās there and no one can escape it.#but yeah#right now this hurts
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A customer at work recognised me from when i worked halloween and im honestly not sure how to think about that perception
#and the amount of customers that dont have specific enough orders for me to remember them as regulars?#omg there's so many ppl who i look at and think 'i served you earlier in the week'#i love working early shifts tho i love the same group of like 10-15 customers i see in the early hours#the guy in the decorated car and 2000s music going home after a night shift? i miss you#the guy and his apparent ex girlfriend? he used to come round in his dressing gown for two flatbreads and two cappuccinos#(he comes more often now in his AA van and it humours me that is see him both before and during his shift)#and and and!!!! my favourite guy at the moment!! regular latte and three sugars! always pays exact and we have a lil chat#he came by twice in one day because he was bored so we hung out a bit
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