#(so much time in my hands = one hour)
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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challenging myself by engaging in the ancient art known as "dynamic poses", but making it harder on myself by ignoring the noble practice of "using references"
featuring belvedere and florawell
#my art#oc#florawell#belvedere#goblin#dragon#i prefer the wips i posted to my sketch blog tbh they look better than the finished thing. but nevertheless.#i also accidentally gave belvedere furry hands this time instead of his usual bald goblin hands#i think it makes him look sleeker but i prefer his ratty hands. we live and learn#fun fact i have around 20 ongoing projects which i have been workin on simultaneously which has resulted in me not getting much done#but now they're all nearing completion at once so you'll see a bunch of art from me soon maybe#when i open comms (VERY SOON.....big things coming....) i'm considering tacking on an extra option for sketches like these#cause i can do them for relatively cheap without spending hours working for peanuts#anyway. i'm seeing a horror movie yet again tonight. immaculate was surprisingly good so let's see if this one is good
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Since the new update is out and we were able to see Howdy's family, which family member is your favorite so far?? :D
#TAKE A GUESS BABEYYYYYY#i dont know why i love him so much. ive gotten so attached so quickly#well i always need at least One side character to latch on to & be weird about#AND THAT SIDE GUY IS LATTER PILLAR!!!!#i just think he's neat :]c#his lil beret and droopy antennae and artist's soul <3#tenderly holding him in my cupped hands like a decompressed blobfish#rambles from the bog#i doodled him for three hours last night#when was the last time i doodled so much in a row#he <3
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crying and sobbing i was supposed to draw doodles of my ocs but instead all there is is Siffrin
they're so shaped i have to draw them
also
100% :)
#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#my art#doodles#the brothers doodle was two sifs staring into the void and i just put them together#i realized afterwards it could be sif and loop after the shiny mf materializes again as another siffrin#they do not know how that happened or what that means#fun time for everyone involved#this screenshot is already two weeks old#i started a new playthrough because of course#and it is quite funny#on my first playthrough at 23 hours i had 23 loops in act 3#on my second one i had 145 loops at 19 hours in act 4#NOW at the end of act 4 i am going through the house one last time for fun i have 198 loops at 26 hours#the little mf knows that banana peel and dagger better than the back of his hand#my og playthrough ended at 89 loops#and even after i came back to act 4 to get everything i could at that point i got only to 130 loops#what i'm saying is that#my second playthrough siffrin the moment he learnt they're in a timeloop#decided to split his skull open on a rock over 100 times before they even reached act 3#god he needs help#someone take my siffrin away i am torturing them so much#anyway the reason i looped so much was mainly to talk to loop and get all the chats#also farm exp#getting to lvl 99 actually wasn't that bad#went quite quickly after 85#also why does mira need so much exp#just so we can suffer#anyway act 5 siffrin at 200 loops let's go
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Finished a pocket sketchbook today that I was using for hand and line confidence practice.
#jackdraw-spwrite#jackdraw-sprite#traditional art#hands#tw flashing#it's flipping the pages of a sketchbook but to be safe#I figured out that it takes me about as much time to draw a hand as it does for my tea to brew#so for the past week and change I've been drawing one while I wait#keeps me from forgetting it for an hour#we're not going to examine the days that have eight drawings I start work very early 😭
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The thing about the final lore tab is that, besides the fact that I'm devastated in ways I can't put into words, the way Saint was affected by this whole thing is unique.
This is obviously primarily Osiris' trauma that we can't really properly comprehend, but Osiris wasn't fully conscious for most of it. It fell to Saint to wait, and hope, that Osiris would be brought back and that he would wake up. There was no certainty for him there. And even before that, he watched "Osiris" being strange and distant and acting weird but obviously nobody could even begin to speculate that the person he interacted with wasn't Osiris at all, so the trauma went from there, from learning that he lost Sagira, then to the shock of Osiris being kidnapped and then the quest to bring him back and then him being brought back in a coma and then the 9 long months of waiting until he woke up.
The state of constant anxiety he experienced for almost 2 years total is nervewracking and gutwrenching. I don't think we can fully understand the impact of that on someone. And the best, or worst, thing is that Saint is infinitely patient. He is infinitely emotional and merciful and opts to be the better person and to wait and wait and wait. And hope that it can be fixed.
Except it can't. It can't be fixed. And not only can it not be fixed, but there will never be justice for it. It's impossible. There isn't a way to truly punish Savathun for what she's done. There is no relief or catharsis for Saint. While Osiris can mostly move on, Osiris did not really have to go through what Saint had to go through. Their traumas are different and Saint's is the type that no one can really understand and there is nothing he can do about it.
A younger Saint would've killed Immaru and then Savathun, 100%. But now he can't, because he isn't that person anymore. And yet, the grief and trauma remain and he has no outlet for them and nothing that can be done to enact any sort of justice. So he settles for pure rage, letting himself essentially vent that anger out, but still leave everyone alive. And there's really no true release here. He got a brief satisfaction of killing Savathun over and over, but at the end of the day, she will walk away and nothing will change and there will be no fix.
Which is why he comes back and just cries. As he said, this wasn't for Osiris, it was for him. It was his outlet for anger and nothing else. After that, there's nothing else left to do but cry. No one can really help him carry the burden of what he's gone through and besides: he's a Titan. He's the one carrying other people's burdens. Which just added to the trauma because for so long he's only cared for others, mostly for Osiris, and never really let himself fully grieve or talk about it. Saint never really processed the horrifying ordeal of constant concern for his loved one, then the realisation that his loved one isn't even with him, then the desperate search and then waiting for months and months for the hope that his loved one might wake up. Then Osiris is awake and we're forced to play allies with the person who traumatised both of them in an incomprehensibly terrifying way. Saint had no other way of attempting to make his peace with the situation.
Year of processing grief. I'm in shambles.
#destiny 2#destiny 2 spoilers#season of the witch#season of the witch spoilers#saint-14#osiris#o14#i haven't stopped thinking about this and i never will#i genuinely cried like a little baby reading this#the whole time of this ordeal it's been told through saint's patience and devastation about the situation#so we know just how much he stretched his limits here#again. a younger saint would've gone apeshit months ago#but now he has a limit and he's more patient than ever and literally no one can help him#i'm in tears over this man he doesn't deserve any of this bullshit#i could go on for approximately 17 more hours about this#if i see savathun again she will die by my hand
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Happy Pride month everyone B*) Allow me to reveal a little behind the scenes detail behind my Banner and Icon. Love was always winning <3
#I don't know what to tag this one to be honest#probably a#delete later#I have made a solemn promise that any icon and banner for this blog must be done in a pair. They Cannot Be Separated.#They have had too much of that already#But yes; they have always been together on the same canvas#they originally were just barley not holding hands so I fixed it <3 love wins#I'm hoping to change them out every new season I start so these guys are probably in their last month of life B'*)#can you believe wwx used to have different bangs? blasphemy#Once again throwing out meta content so I can make up for the fact I am running on fumes#starting out pride month by engaging in another sin (sloth (I slept for more than my usual 4-5 hours (this blog functions on insomnia)))#comic tomorrow cause the next batch is 90% done I literally just ran out of time.#I'm in a toxic relationship with The Grind but in a homoromantic/erotic way.#We (the grind and I) would have long metas written about how we are bad lgbtq rep and spark heated debate within the community.
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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
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OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.
#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter.#he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point.#and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!!#hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do!#the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into-#one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT.#but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb.#I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time.#and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances.#and doesn’t want to hear any excuse.#but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment.#NOW. CHAPTER 17.#UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN#Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC.#IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!!#BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’#WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM.#(NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.)#and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through.#despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up.#like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him.#that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying.#just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner.#IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD.#and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore.#he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had.#and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT.#<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but.#eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind.#I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags
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The secret trio ready for some action!
#rc9gn#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja#randy cunningham#danny fenton#danny phantom#jake long#american dragon jake long#adjl#this took like maybe 3 hours to finish#i did my best trying to fix Randy's hand lol#i also wish i could shade randy more properly but i probably will spend much longer because then i have to redo his line art again probably#but i don't wanna spend too much time on that alone so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i couldn't help myself finishing another one so#here it is XD#secret trio#OMFG I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOR 💀
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Doodles based on "Yet Another Nightmare" by Catroic on Ao3 (highly recommend reading, its very good)
#kris#ralsei#deltarune#i didn't really draw much kralsei but the fic has the pairing so...#kralsei#i read this cuddled up in bed and half asleep (as per how i normally read these things)#so when i got to (no spoilers) that one sequence it felt really surreal#i wanted to try and depict half of the feeling i got from it#whether i have done so is debatable buut this was still fun to draw#i didn't make ralsei angry enough in retrospect... am a coward...#sorry these are so messy lol#on one hand if i cleaned it up too much it would stop feeling like a dream#and on the other... just don't have time for a more clean work right now haha#i think that “on one hand/on other” figure of speech is used for comparing options and i just used it wrong#but >:) i do what it want; my figure of speech now#derailed a lot - highly reccomend reading this#and catroic's other works too actually#hy is a amazing writer and has lots of good works to check out if you have the time :D#tumblr compression is a bitch lol this looks soo much better on desktop than mobile for some reason#rare morning post from dawn woah#updated almost 24 hours later because i spelled “recommended” wrong and forgot to sign the image lol
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Projects my religious trauma onto the twink from a game with pretty bad writing
#Almost tagged as dmmd LMFOAKDUAO#If you noticed I don't post abt nucani much it's bc the fans scare me all of you mischaracterize these characters especially twitter#Don't get me started on how garu/karu and Blade gets treated#Actually just everyone how everyone gets treated#Anyways onto nucani tags#nu: carnival#nu carnival#nu: carnival olivine#nu carnival olivine#olivine#my art#digital art#digital illustration#Funfact one of the angels I did paint by hand and realized oh my god this is so time consuming as if I haven't invested 9 hours in this#Not including breaks#You guys I love talking in the tags it's so fun#Anyways gonna dissappear for like months until I think I'm ready to treat my followers with art/j#Love nucarnival but also lowkey hate it if that makes sense
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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i love transgenderism im so glad girls are real
#its always the transgender blonde + brown roots/undercut w me isnt it. oh well#duck scribbles#doodles#gwen stacy#ghost spider#across the spiderverse#across the spider-verse#spiderverse#watched across the spiderverse last week it was soo. augh#also doodled miles and the rest but i dont like how they looked as much i need to practice more 😔#wanted to draw more but then a ladybug flew onto my tablet pen at the studio earlier today and hung out on it for a solid two or so hours#and then my hand started hurting once it flew away 💀#the theatre i watched the movie at kinda sucked but the most important part was that i managed to watch it at all#<- they were not invited to Any of their acquaintances' plans to go watch together at an actual good cinema like a loser#but its fine. its fine its probably my fault anyways#anyways um. girls :heart_hands:#please dont follow me for spiderverse stuff this is. a one time thing
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i sprained my wrist but duty calls
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#masumi arakawa#ichiban kasuga#snap sketches#OW#i WAS inspod by my y7 gameplay last night but while i was watching this cutscene and going He's So Sugoi#i realized he DOES have a mole on his neck :) so i WASNT going crazy yay me !!!!!!#i tried drawing with one hand.. it was annoying this is awful#its not impossible it just takes so LONG plus im less willing to stress over details which. arguably good but I Dont Like It#THIS LIL THING TOOK A SOLID HOUR BYE LMAO#w/e it was worth exploring the option. its not impossible so i can just continue to practice off screen#pray my other wrist gets better so i dont take nine years to draw tho#'snap are your shortcuts really THAT important' YES#even if ive redone some shortcuts o be cnnected to my pen and tablet i dont have all my shortcuts#even then moving to click the buttons on my tablet takes about as much time as it would to click them on my keyboard#ok this is pain bye#hopefully i feel better soon i keep having thoughts i wanna share and i like to do so Without taking days on One post
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