#an hour a month a year... 49 years... you know

[brotherconstant]

it was a relief and a horror to be known so perfectly.

[greenorangevioletgrass]

give me a minute (1/2) | chef luca

pairing: chef luca x ex-wife!reader word count: 4.7k warnings: established former relationship, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, discussions of separation and divorce, luca and reader has a son, unresolved sexual tension 👀 notes: this fic has been the bane of my existence for the last couple of months or so. it all started as a simple thought of "ooh it would be fun to have a steamy smut with ex!luca" and then it turns into a whole thing with like proper angst and stuff lol. this will be split into two parts, and i think i need encouragement to finish the second part. so please enjoy this first part and tell me what you think! ���follow @ficsbygreenorangevioletgrass and turn on the notifications to get alerted of my latest fics! ✨

03:49 PM

Everything is fine, you keep telling yourself.

Your soon-to-be ex-husband is flying in from Denmark to finalize the divorce—and even after two years of exhaustive paperwork and mediations and court proceedings, you still don’t know how to feel about this. His visit to New York is meant to be a consolation prize for your six-year-old son Alfie, whose only facetime with his dad lately is through… well, FaceTime. But, given how extraordinarily difficult he’s being—fussing over his breakfast, stalling shower time by a record of 48 minutes, refusing to wear anything you picked out for him… you have an inkling that he might be a little nervous to see his father.

And to make matters worse, it’s raining cats and dogs outside, which delays Luca by two hours now and actively threatens the zoo outing he has planned out for him and Alfie.

So… despite the shitstorm that is happening in your apartment and out, you keep telling yourself that everything is fine.

Because it is. Your home is tidy enough, with all the toys and the mess tucked away in their little cubbies. Your son is dressed up enough; he’s finally put on his pants and shirt, although you missed a button and he won’t let you fix it. The storm is outside, and you’re safely sheltered in. And your relationship with your ex is civil enough, so you feel…

Fine enough.

But the doorman buzzes in, and you can definitely tell the awkwardness in his voice. “Afternoon, Ma’am. I have your husband— I mean, Chef Luca— I mean Mr. Bailey—”

You sigh, not having the energy to let this go on. “Yeah, yeah. Send him up.”

Alfie looks up from his coloring book and practically jumps out of the couch. “My tummy hurts, I’m gonna make a doodie!”

“No running!” You remind him just a second too late, watching him dash over to the bathroom and slamming the door closed. He has a nervous stomach just like you, and as you feel the icky twist in your gut… you can’t help but empathize with his antics today. You would be fucking shit up too, if you only could.

There’s a knock at the door, and you brace yourself as if you’re about to let the storm itself in (although, quite frankly, you probably are). Your hand feels clammy, and you have to wipe it off on your dress before you unlock the door and turn the knob.

“Hey.”

If the storm was a person, you wouldn’t have associated it with the man standing before you. So tall and broad and sturdy. With boyish features and dark blond locks like gentle daylight. It feels like a reach to imagine the seven years of your relationship with him was, indeed, an epic fucking hurricane.

Still. 

You can’t help that you miss him.

“Come on in.” You step aside, not really meeting his gaze.

He murmurs a small thanks and apology, a staple combination in Luca’s British vernacular, as he squeezes in through the door with his duffel bag and suitcase.

“I thought you’d dropped these off at your hotel before you came here.”

“I know. I was going to, but…” he puts down his bags close to the jacket closet, like he always does, “But I got held up for ages and traffic was awful and I didn’t want Alfie to wait even longer, so…”

“Right.” You nod absently. “Well. He’s in the bathroom, should be out in a second, so… have a seat. Do you want anything to drink?”

“Um, water’s fine.” He takes his seat on the dining table.

You’re not sure which one is more jarring; the sheer familiarity of this, or the fact that it isn’t anymore. The two of you just hovering in the home you used to share, courteous but distant.

Luca looks around the place, and notices all the differences right away. You kept the glass dining table and two of the chairs, but changed the corner seating into a plush dining bench against the kitchen island. He recognizes Alfie’s favorite stuffed bunny on the couch, although the throw pillows were new. But he takes one look at the wall… and his heart drops.

Gone are any traces of him in the snapshots of your life. The pictures are all of you and Alfie—eating ice cream in the park, grinning and showing his first lost tooth, dressed up on Halloween… He really shouldn’t be surprised or disappointed to find the wedding portrait gone, or the vacation selfie in Italy four years ago. But it hurts quite a bit to find a generic flower portrait replacing the picture of him kissing you on the forehead while Alfie, laying on your chest, merely hours after his birth.

“Yeah, I…” you clear your throat as you hand him the glass of water, “…did some redecorating.”

“It looks good.” He manages a stiff nod, taking a hesitant swig of water.

“You look…” good, you want to say. Because he is. He’s got that tan and the haircut that reminds you of when you first met him years ago. But you can’t say that. So you settle with, “You look well.”

He meets your eyes, really meets your eyes for the first time, and you try to convince yourself the little flutter you feel inside is just your nervous stomach. But he smiles, soft and earnest. “So do you.”

You turn back and open the fridge, welcoming the cold air and how it cools down the burning warmth on your cheeks. Trying not to freak out and decide what you’re getting, so you don’t look like an idiot. Your hand grabs a can of ginger ale, and you sigh in relief.

“How’s Alfie doing in school?”

“He’s doing alright. He’s enjoying his art classes. Math is still a struggle, but Ms. Rashad says his reading is quite advanced for his age.” You relax a little bit into the conversation. The topic of your son resets you a little bit into a somewhat common ground as co-parents. Plain and simple.

“Definitely takes after you. My dyslexic ass could never.”

You smile at that. Small jokes are still there, always a good sign.

“And the, uh…” he lowers his voice, “the anxiety?”

“Comes and goes. He’s been complaining about a stomach ache all day.” You glance towards the bathroom.

He frowns in concern. “Should we go check on him?”

“Sure…” You walk together with Luca following suit, tentatively knocking at the door. “Alfie? Hey bub, how’s your doodie?” It sounds silly, but you find it helps to ask open questions instead of showing your worries outright.

A flush from inside. “There’s no doodie,” he hollers. His voice is murmured from the barrier, and then the running tap water.

You catch the unease in Luca’s features, and you feel a little bad for him. It wouldn’t feel great that your own son is nervous to see you after many months apart. “You wanna come out, then? Your dad’s here.” You try to sound cheerful and upbeat, hoping it’ll hype them both up.

The two-second gap never felt so long. But the door opens, and there he is, standing meekly against the frame. Staring up at you and then at Luca.

Luca’s heart nearly stops as those big doe eyes stare up at him, a spitting image of you. The same softness. The same spark of stubbornness.

The same vulnerable look.

“Hey, bub.”

“Hi.”

“Can I get a hug?”

There’s a brief pause, before he steps forward and throws his arms around his father’s middle. Luca grunts softly, a little surprised by the sheer force Alfie is hugging him, his heart swelling three times over.

“Oh my God, look at you!” He ruffles the boy’s dark hair and kneels down to level with him. His cherubic face is small cupped in his large hand, but not as small as Luca remembered it. “You’re so tall now!”

“Of course. I’m 3 feet and 8 inches tall now. Right, Mommy?” He proudly announces, getting the exact height completely memorized.

“That’s right,” you confirm with a grin. 

Luca gasps, a smile blooming on his face. “What?”

Alfie nods. “I’m gonna be as tall as you.”

“No! Don’t grow up so fast!” He playfully cries out.

“Why?”

“Because I won’t get to do this anymore!” Luca seizes his boy into his arms and sweeps him off of his bunny-socked feet, sending Alfie into a fit of hysterical giggles.

The sight makes you chuckle, but the feeling could bring Luca to happy tears. He’s been gone for so long, he’s afraid he’d forget how it feels to hold his son in his arms again. Or worse, that his son would find his presence alien.

But he’s here now. With you and the son you share. Attacking Alfie in tickles and noisy kisses, and letting the boy climb him like monkey bars. And it calms his anxious heart a bit as he reminds himself, everything’s fine. 

And as things fall back into place, thunder crashes outside, as if sobering all of you back into reality. Alfie shirks into himself, climbing off of his father’s back. You want to reach out for him so badly, but at the same time, not wanting to interrupt his bonding time with his dad.

“It’s okay, bub. It’s just thunderclap,” Luca soothes emphatically over the sudden silence, bringing Alfie back down to his feet. He smooths his son’s hair gently, comfortingly. “I got you, I got you…”

“Do animals even come out in the rain?” Alfie is back to his withdrawn self, mumbling his words and avoiding Luca’s gaze.

“Some animals actually love playing in the rain,” you chime in helpfully.

Luca keeps his tone cheerful and bright. “Yeah, and you can wear your raincoat and your wellies and I’ll even let you jump in puddles—”

“I don’t wanna do that! I wanna stay home!” He whines, voice raising a little.

“It’s your dad’s time—”

“No!”

“Alfie.” Your tone is firmer now, as he struggles out of his father’s arms and runs to his favorite corner of the couch in the living room, holding his stuffed bunny tight. 

But Alfie’s got a point. This is not the kind of rain where you can take a leisurely stroll in. No, this is the kind where you stay huddled inside and hope it doesn’t flood the streets. Luca takes a thoughtful look at Alfie who is sulking and shrinking from the sound of thunder, at the window completely obscured from rain, and then at you… offering an apologetic smile.

So much for quality time with his son. 

Luca’s heart sinks a little. He sighs in defeat. “Maybe we should just wait it out…”

“Are you sure? I mean, you flew 9 hours to see him—“

“And I don’t want him to be pissed at me the whole time we’re hanging out,” he reasons. “Besides, I don’t think any Uber would take our order at this time.”

It makes sense, you think. As much as you want this awkward little broken family dance to end, you know that staying in and waiting it out is the best option. Alfie would feel much more comfortable at home than in whatever hotel Luca is staying in. And maybe it’s your protective side talking, but if he ever gets fussy, you’d prefer to be around to deal with it.

“Alright, fine.”

“Yeah? Is that okay with you?”

You shrug. The truth is a little more complicated, but ultimately you settle with a simple, “yes.”

Alfie takes a quick glance at you and Luca emerging from the hallway (you have your mother’s side eye, Luca always said), before returning to fiddling his stuffed bunny’s ears (your father’s neutral look of disapproval, you would say). Like clockwork, Luca takes the seat next to Alfie, while you take the puffy stool in front of him.

“That wasn’t very nice of you to raise your voice at me and your dad like that. I get that you’re nervous about the weather—a bit startled, too— but still. We don’t raise our voices in this household.”

Alfie looks at you and Luca. “I’m sorry.”

Luca nods in acknowledgement. “I’m sorry for being late, buddy.” He gingerly reaches out to touch the boy’s hand. “You’re right, though. It might be best to stay in for a bit.” He motions at the rain hammering down on the window outside.

“I told you. I wanna stay at home.”

“I know. And we are for now. We can…” Luca scans around for something to do. His eyes fall on the coloring book and the open box of color pencils next to it. Bingo! “We can… color some drawings in that book?”

He pouts, not entirely sold on the idea but not outright refusing it either. 

“Or, hey, I got some new drawings on me. You can color them, too.” Luca takes off his hoodie and shows off the tattoos on his arms.

God, you forgot about the plethora of trashy tattoos adorning his skin. Even worse, you forgot how it highlights the defined curves of his biceps. Focus, for fuck’s sake! You avert your gaze towards the flower portrait on the wall. 

Alfie perks up a little. “This is my old drawing.” His tiny finger pokes at his forearm, on a tattoo of a stick figure climbing up the stairs. “You still have it?”

“Of course. It’s there forever. I’ll always have it.” Luca finds himself choking up at that simple admission. A little token of childhood of his ever-growing love. “Go on, get your crayons.”

Alfie looks at you as if seeking permission, and it makes you want to laugh that he shares the same animated eyebrows as his father. 

“Go ahead, bub,” you usher him off lightly, and as soon as he’s out of sight, nods at your ex. “Good save.”

Luca half-smiles. “Thanks. You should chill out. Read a book, take a nap or something. I got him.”

“What, are you trying to kick me out?”

“No, I just—”

Your smile breaks out. “I’m kidding! Go hang out with Alf. I got a Zoom meeting in a few minutes anyway.”

He sighs in relief, chuckling lightly. “You almost got me there…”

You briefly pat his shoulder and for an even briefer moment, his hand is atop yours. The big ‘A’ tattoo on the back of his hand—your son’s initial in a bold Gothic letter— serves as a reminder of what’s past; a whirlwind romance, the wild days of being a family of a merry band of misfits…

Misfits. That’s the biggest takeaway here, you suppose. Your pieces don’t quite fit right. Not without little Alfie gluing you together. 

With a final squeeze on Luca’s shoulder, you make your way to your bedroom, making space for Luca’s puzzle pieces to fit with Alfie’s because they don’t fit yours anymore.

***

05:04 PM

By the time your Zoom meeting ends, the pelting rain outside is louder and the chatter inside is nearly inaudible. It feels nice for about ten seconds… until you remember that you have a six-year-old at home and long bouts of silence can be quite… well, suspicious. You pad out into the hallway to check on him.

“Let’s see. You wanna do the sunflower next? What do you think, my love?”

Oh right. For a moment, you forgot that the thirty-year-old other parent is here with him.

Luca has his t-shirt sleeves hiked all the way up, biceps in full display as Alfie colors in a tattoo on the back part of his upper arm. The boy’s tongue sticks out and his eyebrows furrow in focus. It seems like a delicate operation between them, so you linger out of sight for just a while longer.

“Why do you like sunflowers, Dad?”

The two of you have always supported his inquisitive mind, and he missed these kinds of questions most of all. Even if the answers can be a little complicated. “Because of your mum, actually.”

“You like it because Mommy likes it?” Alfie’s little nose crinkles.

Luca chuckles in amusement, sensing the judgment in his son’s tone. Damn you guys for teaching Alfie not to get carried away by trends. “Well… when your mum and I first met, it was winter in Chicago and it’s pretty bleak and gloomy and freezing. But, your mum had a little sunflower by the window—just like that one.” He glances at the little potted sunflower on the windowsill. “She said it’s a reminder to let the sun shine in. I thought it was adorable. We started doing that everywhere we lived and… I don’t know, it reminds me of home.”

“Do you have a sunflower by your window, Dad?”

His heart catches as he realizes the answer. “No, I don’t…”

“Why? You don’t miss home?”

There’s a sharp pang of hurt in hearing that innocent query. The apartment in Copenhagen, as nice as it is, has never been much of a home for Luca. He would get up before the sun is up and return from work late at night—lather, rinse and repeat. On his days off, he would either go on a morning run and spend much of his time outside, or sleep til noon and live on instant ramen and takeout. There’s no time for a sunflower by the window. No room. He made sure of that.

He doesn’t deserve one after leaving his wife and son for fucking Noma. 

Luca swallows back the lump in his throat, although the slight waver in his voice gives him away. “I got my sunflower right here, bub. My little piece of home.” He taps on his arm softly as his son finishes up. 

Alfie hums, pleased with how the tattoo looks, now filled in with yellow and black and brown crayons. “I think this is my favorite one.”

“Yeah? Not the tabasco?” Luca grins, looking down at his forearm—specifically at the mostly accurate red and green of the hot sauce bottle.

“No…” Alfie taps his chin with his finger thoughtfully. “This one is prettier.”

Luca maneuvers around to look at the sunflower tattoo a little better. “You’re right, it is much prettier. Maybe I should get the colors in permanently, huh?”

The boy’s face lights up. “Can you?”

“Yeah. I think I will. Nice job, my little tattoo artist.” Luca pulls him into a bear hug and kisses the top of Alfie’s head. 

You can’t help but chuckle, glad to see them bonding again, lost in your thoughts for a moment.

“Mommy! Dad says I can be a tattoo artist!” Alfie snaps you out of your reverie.

“Is that right?” Your eyebrows shoot up, struggling to maintain a neutral expression while staring at Luca like with all due respect, what the fuck?

He raises his hands in surrender. “I just said he’s my little tattoo artist, that’s all.”

“I colored in all of Dad’s tattoos! Look!” Alfie tugs at his dad’s arm, beaming as he shows off his work.

You step forward, studying the results of the tattoo makeover. Every single tattoo is colored in; some accurately, like the sunflower and tabasco, while others (like the purple fish and chips and blue scotch bonnet)… not so much. You don’t know which one’s more amusing; your son’s artistic style, or your ex’s bashful look as he models the art works on his arms. 

“Looks great, bub. Well done!” You ruffle Alfie’s hair, enjoying his improved mood.

“Can I watch Bluey now?”

You purse your lips comically. “I don’t know, bub. Why don’t you look at your checklist on the fridge and see if you can?”

Alfie bounds past you, towards the fridge, and reads the checklist out loud to himself. “Have you… brushed your teeth? Yes. Brushed your hair? Yes…” He flattens his wavy locks with the palm of his hand, continues reading with a lower murmur. “Mommy, I did everything except tidy up my room and play outside for 30 minutes!”

“Okay. Obviously we can’t play outside, so… why don’t you just go clean your room and I’ll let you watch Bluey for a bit?”

Alfie gamely nods and goes into his bedroom, his bunny socks muting his footsteps against the hardwood floor.

Meanwhile, it takes you an extra beat to realize how close you’re standing with Luca without your child between you. He rolls down the sleeves of his black t-shirt sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Your meeting went okay?”

“It’s alright.” You look at literally anything but the man in front of you, ultimately stopping at your potted sunflower by the windowsill. “That storm out there, on the other hand…”

“Yeah…”

You take an inconspicuous look at the hallway, making sure your son is out of earshot. “Weather reports say it might last a few more hours.”

Luca huffs, trying not to stress out about the possibility of street floods. Of all the things he missed, New York thunderstorms are not one of them. Still, this shitty weather has granted him some time with his son, at his former home… with his former spouse. And God, does he miss this more than he dreads the weather…

“Want me to make you guys dinner?” He offers earnestly.

You pull back, returning to your normal volume. “Oh. No, you don’t have to—”

“I don’t mind. Really. Might as well, right?”

You hear heavy footsteps from the bedroom and Alfie hollers from the hallway. “I’m all done!”

“Don’t forget your crayons!”

Alfie promptly makes a beeline towards his leftover mess. “Heard, Mommy.” He hurriedly puts his crayons back in the box and rushes into his room to put it away. Returning mere moments later with a newfound spring in his steps. “I’m done for real! Now can I please watch Bluey now?”

“I can cook while he gets his screen time.”

The two boys look at you with their best puppy eyes, and it’s the most disarming thing you’ve seen in a while—and the resemblance between them only makes things worse. You playfully roll your eyes in relent. “Alright, alright. Go ahead. Watch your TV and make your dinner.”

There’s a quiet little yesss from Alfie as Luca low-fives him before they scatter, one to the living room and the other to the kitchen. For a moment, you feel like you were transported back in time. For the first time in over two years, you’re caught between cartoon sounds from the TV and the kitchen alive again. All was well in the household. 

“Is he still a picky eater?” Luca mouths the last two words inaudibly.

You raise your eyebrows in confirmation. “All he wants to eat is chicken nuggies.”

“I can do chicken nuggies,” he shrugs easily, rummaging through the freezer and takes out a pack of chicken breasts. “Or some version of that.”

Upon overhearing the key word, Alfie’s head all but whips toward Luca. “We’re having chicken nuggies for dinner?”

“Er, kind of.”

“Can I help?” He perks up from the back of the couch, excitement bubbling over.

Luca smiles apologetically. “Maybe later, my love. Daddy’s gonna be using a big knife…” he says as he checks the blade closely, swiping it with his thumb. “…which is dull, by the way. When was the last time you sharpened this?”

“I… have no idea.” You frown. You don’t even remember sharpening any knives… ever. Meanwhile, Luca simply rummages through the kitchen drawer, which makes you ask, “What are you doing?”

“I’m sharpening it,” he states matter-of-factly, already setting up a makeshift sharpening station which… what?

“Didn’t even know we had that,” you murmur plainly as you watch him work. Taking out a block of whetstone from the drawer (where did that even come from?) and running it under the sink. Laying out a kitchen rag and the stone on top of it.

He chuckles a little, scraping the blade against the stone at an angle, firmly but carefully. “Can’t leave you good Santoku knives without the proper sharpening tools, right?”

“You never taught me how to do it, though.”

“Yes, I have.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“What are you talking about? Back in Chicago, I—”

You burst out laughing. “Oh my God, that was one time forever ago! And you never let me sharpen the knives. You literally always do it.”

He pauses, grinning bashfully. “Fair…”

For the umpteenth time that day, Luca’s heart catches—this time from hearing you laugh. Your warm voice rings so pleasantly in his ears, and the way your face lights up… he almost forgets there’s a storm outside, because he’s got a lovely summer day right here in front of him.

And honestly, what is beautiful sunny Copenhagen compared to this warmth of the two people he loves the most?

“Alright, alright. You want a refresher? Come here.”

You gingerly take the place next to him, arms crossed so as to not invade his space. Neither of you say anything when your shoulders brush against each other. It’s brief, painstakingly so, but eerily familiar. You wouldn’t admit that you want to stay pressed against him a little longer, but… you do.

“Okay, so. You see this bit right here?” His finger runs up the line where the blade flattens into the edge. “Rest the knife on the stone on this angle, start from the heel—near the handle— and just… bring it in,” he demonstrates the inward sliding motion—short and precise and repetitive, “and work your way up to the tip.”

You silently watch him work for a moment, handling the knife. Firm and steady, but not harsh. On the contrary, it’s almost… delicate. You’ve seen many chefs work in your lifetime, but no one is as composed or stoic (or handsome, but that is beside the point) as Luca. It’s quite fascinating. 

“And you do this on both sides, right?” You vaguely recall.

“Good memory.” He nods appreciatively. “Some people like to do each side one at a time, back and forth, but I like to do one side, get that burr forming…”

“What’s a burr, sir?”

Luca chuckles at your little Hamilton reference. “So when you work on this side, you’ll feel a nice little rough bit forming on the other side like this.” He slides his thumb from the knife’s spine to the edge and carefully guides your hand through the motion. “Feel that?“

Yes. That should be an easy enough answer, because yes, you do feel the rough edge of the excess metal on the blade. But it’s a bit hard to focus on that when you’re more fixated on the rough calluses of his fingertips instead…

In theory, playing a knife with your almost ex-husband is as bad as a bad idea can get. In practice, though… Having your hand in his again, feeling him so close to you, smelling his perfume…

“That’s the burr. Once you get it on one side, you can switch over to the other side and balance it out.” His voice is lower now. Softer. “And you just… do it over and over again until you’ve worked off the burr and have a smooth and sharp blade.”

Luca switches the knife to your other hand and stands behind you, hoping to God you can’t feel his pounding heart as his chest presses against your back. Gently guiding you through the sharpening motion—the firm, steady, angled scraping of the blade towards you. You swear to God, every pull brings him just a tad closer.

“So you basically have to break the knife a little to fix it?” 

“That’s basically it, yeah.”

The storm feels miles away. His hands are still curled against yours. His chest flush against your back. His body heat emanates from within him and shrouds you like your favorite cardigan.

“Listen, I—”

“Thanks… for the refresher.” And with that, you put the knife down on the kitchen rag and pull away.

It takes him an extra second to snap out of it and step back to make way for you as you retreat back into your bedroom. “Yeah, yeah. No problem.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck your fucking life to hell.

***

if you've reached the end of this page, thank you so much for reading! do tell me what you think, reblog, send me asks, thoughts, ANYTHING. i would LOVE to hear your opinion!!!

[nightmaretour]

(Image descriptions are in alt text due to taking up most of the post and making people less likely to read and reblog, a fully screen reader friendly version can be found here: https://www.tumblr.com/nightmaretour/761524737363099648/this-is-the-fully-screen-reader-friendly-version)

With everything going on, it's easy to miss that September is sepsis awareness month. As a sepsis survivor myself, I feel a great responsibility to spread awareness of this greatly underestimated killer, in hopes that this information might help some of you to save a life in the future.

Sepsis is a disease that affects around 49 million people worldwide every year, and responsible for around 20% of all global deaths, claiming approximately 11 million lives per year. It's estimated that one person dies of sepsis every 2.8 seconds. Around half of those who survive sepsis are left with physical or cognitive disabilities for the rest of their lives. On top of that, it's the most vulnerable of us that are most likely to develop sepsis.

Despite being one of the global leading causes of death, very few people know much about sepsis or how to spot it, which is what makes it all the more deadly. Sepsis kills approximately 1 in 6 people who contract it, but spotted early, patients with sepsis are around half as likely to die as those who have been allowed to develop into the later stages.

Sepsis is always the result of an existing bacterial, viral, fungal or even parasitic infection, usually due to a serious infection such as pneumonia or meningitis, but it can also be caused by something as small as an infected papercut or bug bite. Almost half of all cases occur in children.

But most importantly, it's all about time. If you or someone you know is experiencing any symptoms that you suspect might be sepsis, get to a hospital. It's far better to be wrong and live than it is to be wrong and die. I sincerely hope that you will never have to use this information, but if you do, I hope that it will help you to save a life.

Sepsis is incredibly time sensitive, even a few hours could be the difference between life and death. If you spot any of the signs in yourself or someone else, do not delay. Seek emergency treatment immediately.

For more information, visit:

Worldsepsisday.org

Globalsepsisalliance.org

Sepsisresearch.org.uk

Sepsis.org

[lovebvni]

shifting isn’t a relay race. it’s a fun run

reality shifting is the act of moving your mind (soul, spirit, whatever you call it) into a different realm or plane of existence.

similar — astral projection. but it is astral projection to a different city, state or country. places we have in this world. reality shifting is not just projecting from canada to france. reality shifting can take place during astral projection.

similar — lucid dreaming. being conscious of your dreams when the body is asleep. you are still in your body, but your mind is also awake. you (usually) cannot travel to a new world with new laws and stay there even after your body wakes up. this only takes place during the REM cycle of sleep. reality can take place during lucid dreaming.

and, nowhere in the definition of reality shifting does it say you have to shift before someone else, you have to be at point c before this person gets to point b, etc. it just has to do with you.

shifting isn’t a competition. it’s a fun game that you get to choose. level up on your own time. do your own thing to get to where you want to be.

shifting isn’t a sprint relay that you see in the olympic games. shifting is a fun run. it doesn’t matter what place you’re in, or how much time you take, all that matters is you do it.

nobody is going to be mad at you or make you train harder because some kid in england beat you by .89 seconds.

you get to do this at your own pace on your own time. it’s your fun run. you complete it when you can. you can take years, months, weeks, days or hours. it all depends on your prior knowledge and training.

and if you don’t have that prior knowledge or training, WHO GIVES A FUCK? not everyone starts knowing everything you know. those could be lessons they grew up learning. someone could’ve forced that into their brain from a young age.

and if you’re just learning what witchcraft really is at 49, good for you. you’re still learning and growing. but that doesn’t mean you’re bad for not knowing last year or yesterday.

it doesn’t matter when training starts, or how much prior knowledge one has, it just matters that you’re willing to do it.

i hope this helps someone. i have no idea where this came from lmfao. blessings from me and the universe <3

love, abyss

[leonardcohenofficial]

vinyl + turntable basic info / general tips

while i am by no means a real audiophile or vinyl expert here are some tips that have worked for me over my almost two decades of collecting!

turntables + speakers

do not buy suitcase players. i cannot overstate this enough. do not buy suitcase players. the all-in-one players are generally cheaper, but there isn't enough support from the platter because they are smaller than 12 inch LPs. this can lead to shitty sound quality, the needle can fall out of the groove, and you can actually break your records. save up and pay a little more and get a proper turntable

there is a lot of debate about belt vs. direct drive turntables (belt drive turntables use a belt to spin the turntable while direct drive turntables have the motor directly under the platter) and which is better. very generally speaking if you want better sound quality, belt drive is the way to go; if you want a player that's a little easier to use that's also a little more durable, direct drive is a better option (most DJ turntables are also direct drive, as a side note)

i currently have three turntables and they are all audio-technica, which is a well respected brand (especially for beginners)—i have an AT-LP60X ($149) which is a belt driven player, as well as two AT-LP120XUSB ($349 each) which i use for practicing DJing/selecting. i also have a stanton M.203 mixer (insane to me that it's listed for $350 on amazon, i paid eighty bucks for mine on ebay), audio-technica ATH-M20x headphones (they were a gift but are listed for $49 on amazon) and a set of edifier R1280DB bluetooth speakers ($149). the speakers are hooked up directly into my mixer, but because both the speakers and the AT-LP60X are bluetooth, i can also play records on that turntable too

change your needle! general rule of thumb is to replace your needle every thousand hours of listening; for the average person if you change it once a year you should be good, i'm on the cautious side and change them every six months

i really like my setup; it's on the cheaper side when it comes to "grownup" gear but true audiophiles would probably scoff at my basics. regardless of what you end up getting, a decent turntable that doesn't have the speakers built in that fits within your budget and a good set of speaker or headphones is all you need

buying records

any time that you can, i recommend buying vinyl directly from the artist! whether it's through bandcamp their website or at a show i think it's better to buy direct when you can (and often times it's cheaper than buying through a third party)

when you can, buy local. not only is it good to support independently owned shops, developing a relationship with local music people is great and if they're good they'll start to know you/your tastes. it also allows you to get good at crate digging, because you never know what you're going to find in a dollar section

utilize listening stations if the store has them! people can be pretty fast and loose with grading used records, so it's better to listen to it and see if the audio quality corresponds with the price (i don't always buy mint/nearly mint records and can tolerate a fair amount of noise but not if i'm being ripped off lmfao)

look things up on discogs to see if you're getting ripped off. not only is discogs great for keeping track of your collection (also you can friend me here!), the online marketplace is great for checking average sale prices for a given release. also handy for seeing how rare a release is!

buying records on discogs can be a crapshoot, ebay even more so. read seller's reviews; if there's feedback that they generally grade conservatively, that's a good thing

i have such a large collection that maintaining a record of what i have is really necessary; discogs is really fantastic for this. you can even scan barcodes on specific releases to find them through the discogs app! it's super handy for me as sometimes i forget that i have certain albums already and end up buying multiple copies and having to get rid of them (i need to get better at cataloguing immediately after i get new stuff, i currently have about forty five records i still need to add lmfao)

storing + maintaining records

keep your records clean! get a good cleaning kit and have microfiber cloths on hand to keep your vinyl as dust free as possible. also use those storage sleeves, it makes a different in keeping your records cleaner longer

a general rule of vinyl storage that i learned from the owner of the shop that i've been going to since i was nine years old is to store them in less than 70 degrees F environments with less than 70% humidity (funnily enough this is apparently the same rule for cigars)

i recommend those ikea square storage bookcases, as they're generally study, aren't too expensive, are pretty easy to put together, and hold a lot of records (do not store your records in milk crates long term)

actually listen to your records! there are very few releases i keep sealed for the sake of keeping them in mint condition. vinyl can be a very expensive habit (800+ records later i am living proof lol) but it's no fun to keep them sitting around. have fun collecting and play your music!

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 48

part 1 | part 47 | ao3

cw: mentions of smoking/sexual activity

Chapter 11

February

For two and a half months, Steve’s life goes perfectly. He didn’t realize how far into a pit he’d fallen until Eddie showed up to help Robin and the kids lift him out, but the difference is jarring. Golden hour sunlight after catching a matinée.

Steve spends two months blinking.

He sloughs off his sadness like a snake shedding skin; spends the winter getting back to being Steve, restocks his favorite hair products and restarts his fitness routines — morning runs through the woods, afternoon pick-up games with Lucas and some of his teammates when the weather doesn’t suck. Weightlifting in the evenings because Eddie says he likes how Steve’s arms look when they get a little big, says it’s more fun to pin him down when he knows it’s just for show.

And he tries new things, too, just because Eddie likes them or because the kids think they're cool. He reads a Vonnegut novel. He eats Indian curry. He even learns a song on guitar.

...Sort of.

Eventually.

(Actually, that whole thing goes pretty horribly and takes for-fucking-ever. Eddie spends an afternoon patiently encouraging him and doing his best not to tease while Steve clumsily moves through a beginner chord progression, and then breaks down wheezing when, after the sixth attempt with no improvement, Steve puts the guitar down in a huff and threatens to demote his pinky finger from his hand if it doesn't start cooperating. Eddie laughs so hard he tips face-first into Steve's crotch, and it takes them a sticky-spitty-sweaty half hour to get back to the lesson.)

Anyway, he likes the way their lives entangle. As easy as weaving his hands through Eddie’s hair.

He gets invited to band practice; he sits in on D&D. Sometimes he watches sports with Wayne when he's got a day off, then he heads out with Eddie for long joyrides through the countryside.

Eddie blasts his metal music when they get out to the backroads, and he talks too loudly over the bass and laughs even louder and rants about nothing and smokes cigarettes while he headbangs to his favorite guitar solos — almost lights his hair on fire on more than one occasion, fucking dumbass — and he does this silly, lewd shit that makes Steve's chest just ache. Makes it clench around the word that's been burning a hole in his tongue since New Year's Eve. Eddie wags his brows and palms himself through his jeans and asks if Steve wants to take another joyride when they get home, and Steve thinks:

God, I love you.

I love you.

How could I not love you?

And really, how could he not? And how much longer can he keep not telling him so? When it feels like the word is going to burst out of his chest Alien-style any second.

When it feels like Eddie's the reason he even has a home to get to.

Slowly — so slowly, hours spent thrifting and bartering and keeping an eye out for free stuff left out on the curb, even more hours sanding and painting and caulking and sweating to death between trips to the hardware store — they redo Steve's whole trailer. Floor to ceiling, wall to wall, they exorcise the haunted tin can. They make it his; they make it theirs.

Eddie injects life into every inch of the space, fills it with weird art and funky lamps and a big, comfy leather couch that he likes to bend Steve over. Comes inside him in every room when they get done working on it as a reward; gasps in Steve's ear about how he always wants to be inside him: in his home, in his body, nestled deep inside his heart. "Keep me right here, baby," he breathes as he fucks Steve against a wall, his left hand gripping Steve's chest while he fills him from behind.

It’s perfect.

It's perfect.

Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts unless Steve asks.

And then, because this godforsaken town and everyone in it are fucking cursed, one day it isn’t anymore.

—

part 49

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[evansbby]

Okay since we’re sharing our DILF experiences let me join the girlie circle. Please don’t judge me on the first sentence of my experience because it’s not as bad as it first sounds 😭

I

I … I slept with my ex boyfriend’s dad … THIS WAS FOUR YEARS AFTER MY AND I BROKE UP AND HIS DAD AND MOTHER DIVORCED WHEN HE WAS A CHILD AND HIS DAD AND I WERE BOTH SINGLE AT THE TIME PLEASE I’M NOT A TERRIBLE PERSON 😭 Plus I was 24 at the time and he was 49, this was in February

When I first met the DILF back when I was with my ex I had thought he was handsome in an innocent little ‘oh so that’s where my (then) boyfriend gets his looks from ☺️’

I broke up with my ex a couple months during the first covid lockdown and four years later I was at a bar and the DILF was there too and we remembered each other and shit he’s really handsome and we ended up sitting sides pressed against each other his face so close to mine it was a mutual leaning into kiss each other, I couldn’t stop myself 😩 I know it was so wrong like that’s my ex boyfriend’s dad but in that moment I was doing it for the plot okayyyy like hey he’s a handsome single man and I was a single woman so yeah I continued to make out with him

Then I let him take me to his place and I went 48 hours without wearing any clothes literally he took me to his place Friday night and I spent the entire weekend up until Sunday night in his bed / sofa / kitchen counter and only put my bra and dress back on the Sunday night I headed back home (he ripped up my panties so I never saw them again, really hot but kinda sad because they were really pretty panties 🥺). Best 48 hours of my life omfg I don’t regret it 😩 I know it’s sounds awful like my ex’s dad but we were both single and he had me seeing stars and CRYING from how motherfucking goooood he did me, I yeah …..

I have never ever everrrrr told anyone this because I know how terrible it sounds, I haven’t even shared it with my best friend, this is the secret I’m taking to my grave (we all have that one thing we’ll never tell another soul) but it feels nice to share it in some form as a kinda get it off my chest thing

Okay girlies this is fun sharing our spicy personal stories hehe it’s like we’re at a sleepover 🩷

girl why are you feeling guilty?! it was four years after your ex and you broke up, this is completely fine LOOOL

but also not you living your ultimate y/n lifee OMFG I am so jealous fr😭😭

Not you arriving on Friday night and not leaving till Sunday night 😱😭 NOT PUTTING YOUR CLOTHES ON TILL SUNDAY NIGHT AJHHHHDJDJSJSJSDJ girl this man made you see stars omfg YASSSS

And I totally get doing things for the plot and this is like the juiciest plot everrrrrr omfg I love this for you!!!

[propertyofwicked]

people watching | spencer reid

spencer reid x bau!reader

inspo - people watching by conan gray

2.3k words

warnings: none really - canon character death, angst to comfort :)

they're counting months they've been together, almost 49

“y/n - how long have you worked with the BAU?” morgan asked, shooting you a smirk as you threw your head backwards with a load groan. 

“i don’t know? like, 4 years?”

“4 years, and 34 days, 2 hours and based on when we got called out for your first case, 34 minutes,” reid interjects the conversation without looking up from his file. 

“for someone who has worked here for 4 years, wouldn’t one assume that you would know we never get a whole week without a case?” morgan continued, ignoring reid’s comment, chuckling slightly at the face you pulled. you knew he was right, but something about garcia announcing there’s a new case made you grumpy. as a result you simply whined in response and pushed yourself up to walk to the round table room. morgan and jj walked ahead, but spencer stayed back to walk by your side. 

“hey, that made me realise we’ve been friends for 4 years - we should celebrate!” he said, not looking at you but carrying a smile on his face. 

“depending on the case, maybe we could do movie night when we get back?” you responded, but unlike him, you turned your head to respond to him. 

“that sounds good, did you know research has shown that spending time with loved ones, even doing something as mundane as watching a film, can increase your mental wellbeing?” this time he looked at you to respond, the smile still present on his face.

“so spending time with me is mundane?” you quipped, chuckling at the end of your sentence, so he’d know you were only messing. 

“reid, y/n, thanks for finally joining us,” hotch’s voice sounded across the room.

“sorry dad,” spencer joked, taking his seat next to alex.

they met in class for metaphysical philosophy

he tells his friends, "i like her 'cause she's so much smarter than me" 

they're having talks about their futures until 4:00 a.m

“hey spence?” you asked, filling the silence. the film you had been watching ending a while ago, but the two of you stayed sat on his sofa. at some point you had turned to face him, stretching across the chair with your legs over his. he didn’t mind - he compared it to the calming effects of a weighted blanket, rattling off the statistical benefits on anxiety. 

“yeah?” he looked up from his book, with a soft gaze in his eyes. 

“if you weren’t in the bau, what would you be doing right now?”

he paused for a moment, as if to think about his answer.

“i honestly don’t know. i don’t think i knew before i joined the bau either. had i not joined the fbi when i did, i think i’d still be in college just collecting degrees until i’d done them all,” he laughed to himself, “maybe a professor, i have taught a few classes.”

“i know - that’s how we met. you told that god awful joke about a horse who became hyper aware of his own reality.”

“hey! it wasn’t that bad.”

“spence - no one laughed.”

“you did.”

“and i regret that decision almost daily,” you respond, earning a light smack to the shin that was still thrown other his lap. 

“what about you? what would you be doing?”

“i used to think id be married by now but we both know how that ended,” you mention, referencing the ex boyfriend you and spencer both hated, “honestly though, i think id still be in the FBI but with counter intelligence like i had originally planned.”

“im glad you’re not,” he said with a smile. did he mean married or in a different department? you felt safer assuming the latter - it was safer to than getting your hopes up that some feelings might be reciprocated. so for now, you simply hummed in response and allowed the room to fall back into a comfortable silence. 

im only looking just to live through you vicariously ive never really been in love, not seriously

it was clear you had been mistaken, and in the most cruel and soul destroying way - through no fault but your own. he was happy, you could see. the way he no longer had bags living permanently under his eyes - he was sleeping. he’d sneak away to the payphone, assuming no one noticed. it started off serious, like he was only asking the other person direct questions. it didn’t stay that way. soon enough you found yourself sitting in the SUV, staring at him as he laughed into the phone, basically twirling the wire around his finger like a giddy teenage girl. spencer wasn’t yours anymore. you know he never was yours really, but still you held out hope that the lasting glances, the jokes, the comfort and the spontaneous movies nights meant something more to him. it was clear you had been mistaken. 

“you know if you keep staring at him like that your eyes might dry up,” JJ spoke from besides you one day. it made you jump - you hadn’t realised she was stood next to you and you certainly didn’t know how long she’d witnessed you staring at the side of spencer’s faces as he laughed and smiled over the phone. 

“i wasn’t staring,” you defended, but she gave you a look that said she knew you were lying, so you moved on, “who’s he talking to anyway?”

“we don’t know, but morgan and i think spencies got a girlfriend,” she taunted. you didn’t react, this wasn’t news to you - it didn’t take a profiler to work that out. jj didn’t say anything else, she just adjusted the strap of her bag and walked off to find hotch. eventually spencer put the phone down and walked over to you.

“hey you guys find anything?” he asked, it was a general question but it was clearly aimed at you. 

“nothing yet from me, garcia’s still digging stuff up on the victim though. it’s clear the unsub is organised, he’s been disposing these bodies for years, concealing their identities and he’s never been caught.” concealing their identities, you should know all about that reid, you thought to yourself but didn’t allow your face to waver.

“did you know that despite the rich history in the town, only 2,000 visit the area per year on average?”

“i didn’t, no.” it was a blunt response but you hoped he wouldn’t notice. but of course he did, mr 187 who couldn’t gauge most social cues but could tell when you were off with him. it wasn’t fair. how he could act like he loved you still, even though he clearly had someone worth keeping secret in his life. 

his hand reached up to rest on your shoulder, his tall frame towering over you, giving you an intense stare as he did.

“what’s up?” damn you and your profiling skills. you contemplated saying nothing, but that would only lead to more intense questioning, so you deflected, saying you were thinking about the profile. he seemed satisfied and left you to find hotch, just as jj had. 

cut people out like tags on my clothing i end up all alone but i still keep hoping

maeve was gone. that was her name, that was the woman that had made spencer happy in a way you couldn’t. she was gone, and emotionally, so was spencer. for weeks he moped, refusing to leave his apartment. but he was still your best friend. everyday, you sent him a message asking if he was ok, or needed anything, and everyday, it was left on read. whilst he needed his space, it wasn’t in your good conscience to leave him without support. 

walking up to his door was terrifying. why? you had been here thousands of times, spent hundreds of hours watching films on his sofa and yet your heart was beating so fast you felt as though it would tear through your ribcage and fall out on the floor in front of you. if spencer was here, he’d tell you that wasn’t physically possible and you’d more likely have a heart attack. he’d then reassure you by noting the statistical unlikeliness of having you having a heart attack. but he wasn’t, emotionally anyways. you knocked twice.

“go away garcia, i really appreciate everything you’ve done but please leave,” you heard him shout through the door. it was his voice alright, but deep and strained as if he had been crying for weeks - on second thought, he probably had.

“it’s me spence, not penelope. can you let me in?” you called back.

“no. please, i need some space.” ok, if that’s how he wanted to play it, tough love it was. 

“spencer reid if you do not open this door within the next ten seconds i will have morgan kick it down.” it seemed to work, you could hear a muffled sound of him standing up, shuffling across the floor and undoing the latch. you were not expecting the sight you saw when the door opened - it made your heart shred into tiny little pieces that you wanted to sew together and give to him. his hair was greasy, his facial hair had grown more than you’d ever seen it but worst of all, his skin was pale and his face seemed almost a hollow shell of the spencer you knew and loved.

“what do you want y/n?” he grumbled.

“i wanted to check in on you?” suddenly any tough love had gone out the window, and you doubted every word you said to him.

“ok, well im alive. you can go now.”

“spence ple-”

“i said i’m fine. y/n, i know you want me to sort myself out but im not ready to. please leave.”

“i don’t want you to ‘sort yourself out’ spence,” you paused to breathe, “you need to grieve, i understand that but i need you to look after yourself. however, you clearly don’t need me, you’re clearly coping so well on your own.” sarcasm was a defence mechanism - seeing him like that hurt you down to your very core, but they way he was treating you wasn’t fair. you turned on your heal, intending to leave with your dignity mostly intact, but as you go to take your first step a hand grabs you wrist, stopping you from moving.

“y/n, im sorry, please come in.” you offered him a restricted smile and stepped into this apartment, he followed close behind. you were expecting the worst, but this took it to another level. the curtains were drawn closed, takeout containers littered the counter, the floor and the coffee table - at least he was eating. spencer moved to the sofa, shoving books to the floor and offering you a seat. 

“talk to me spence, tell me everything going on in that big brain of yours.” and he did, you must’ve sat there for 2 hours as he told you about maeve, how he first contacted her, how she understood him, the way she laughed. he spoke about guilt, he believed it was his fault and that he’d never be able to forgive himself. only towards the end did he begin to cry, so you wrapped you arms around his torso and pulled him down to rest on your shoulder. to your surprise, his arms snaked around your waist and held you tight. the room fell into silence, as it had hundreds of time, but this one was not one of comfort as it usually was. 

after some time he sat up, “you know, IQ has no effect on the size of your brain. it may be cause a change in external appearance but the size itself will not change.” you couldn’t help but laugh - it wasn’t condescending, just the mere fact that he had spent two hours talking but still remembered to correct your original statement.

i wanna feel all that love and emotion be that attached to the person i'm holding

years passed since that day at spencer’s apartment. it took him a few more weeks, but he returned to work and returned to his normal self. he no longer thought of maeve, he thought of the future, he moved on in life whilst still holding a spot in his heart for her. soon, he became your best friend again - movie nights and take out were reinstated. sometimes he had to beg you to come round after a case to watch a movie. he remembered what life was like. 

that night was a night like many others. the credits rolled and the room became dark with no light blaring from the screen. silence. a comfortable one. tonight, you found yourself with your head laying on his lap, facing the tv, his arm rested on your hip and his fingers played with a hair tie absentmindedly. you said it was comfortable, he didn’t argue - spencer liked your presence. he appreciated you being in his life and never giving up on him. he admired your work ethic, and your friendship. you provided him an outlet, an escape from the stress and constant work.

“hey y/n,” he whispered, and you hummed in response, “i love you.”

“i love you too spencer.” your heart skipped a beat, but you knew he meant as friends, that’s all you were and all you’d ever be - you had grown to accept that. 

“no, y/n, i love you.” this made your head turn and you rolled onto your back to look up at him. “i mean it. i think i always knew deep down, but i couldn’t establish that that was what i was thinking. did you know studies show that some people have to feel love in order to love?”

“i love you too spencer.” you smiled up at him, squinting through your tired eyes, and his hand came down to stroke your cheek softly. 

[tswaney17]

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 49

It's here!!! The final part of this massive fic. 😭 I can't believe we're finally at the end. I'm still in shock that I get to close the door on this fic that has taken up the last three years of my life. I have so many emotions running through me right now. 🥺

The epilogue will be posted during @elriel-month in addition to a little surprise I'm so excited to share with you. Stay tuned!! 💜💙💚

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics​​​

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW

This part also features descriptions of birth and complications from it.

Word Count: 7,225

Elain had spent a good portion of the late morning getting ready for the baby shower scheduled for noon. At just over eight months pregnant, they were cutting close to the wire of the twins’ arrival.

She was beyond exhausted. Growing the babies was work enough, but she ached everywhere at this point. Her boobs, her hips, her ankles. Her back…that hurt the worst. She looked like she swallowed two extra large watermelons. Elain hadn’t seen her feet in two and half months and she was praying that her toenails looked well enough for sandals today.

On top of her aching body, she also slept like shit the night before, having woken up in the wee hours with Braxton Hicks contractions that seemed to never want to go away. They were getting obnoxious at this point.

Oh! And her boobs had already started leaking. Aside from the contractions, Elain also woke up to a soaked sleep shirt and an attitude that poor Azriel was desperately trying to keep calm. She felt bad that her irritation got directed at him, but he took her mood swings in stride, giving her the space when she needed it, and focusing on taking care of Kaden and getting him ready for the party.

Her husband knocked lightly before entering their bedroom, shutting the door behind him and locking it when he saw her standing there in an ugly pair of panties and a strapless bra—which she had no idea how it was going to hold up her tits, but here they were. “Hello, my love. How are you doing?” he asked, striding further into their room. He was already dressed in black slacks and a white button-down rolled up to his elbows. It was one of her favorite looks on him. Casual but classy and sexy as hell.

“I’m all right. Better than this morning,” which was true. In the time she took to get ready, she felt her irritation slowly dissipate. “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

He gifted her a soft smile he reserved only for her and their children. “El, you’re carrying two babies. You’re allowed to let out your frustrations. I’m here to spar if you need it, you know that.”

She knew he meant spar as in letting her yell and shout and hiss words until she felt better while he just took it. Gods, he really was the perfect husband. Elain held out her coco butter lotion towards him. “Do you mind rubbing this on me and helping me dress?”

Azriel took the bottle from her outstretched hands, dropping a sweet kiss on her plump lips before squirting some into his scarred palms and gently rubbing it all over her swollen stomach. He knelt before her, dutifully getting every inch of her covered. “You are so beautiful, Elain,” he murmured, kissing her at the fullest part of her belly.

She snorted. “I am a beached whale who ate too much.”

“You are a gorgeous woman carrying life inside of her womb. That will always be beautiful, sweetheart.”

How he always knew what to say was beyond her, but she tugged him up off the ground to kiss him thoroughly. It should’ve annoyed her with how just a few sweeps of Azriel’s tongue had every concern and irritation simply melt away. He knew when to play that card and fuck did he play it well.

But even his tongue couldn’t stop the hiss of pain as another contraction wracked her body.

He immediately pulled back at the sound, eyes scanning her face. “Are you all right?” he asked, concern etched into the tone.

She breathed through the wave that tightened in her abdomen. “Braxton Hicks contractions,” she said as an explanation.

 His brows shot into his hairline. “Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Elain reached up to cup his cheek in her palm, her thumb swiping over the stubble there. “No, it’s a normal thing this late in the pregnancy. I’ve had a few this morning starting before dawn. It’s why I was grouchy.”

Understanding lit his face and he carefully ran his hand down her stomach again. “Why didn’t you wake me this morning?”

She huffed a laugh. “Because I knew you’d go into full-birthing-dad-mode and neither one of us would’ve slept any longer.”

Azriel shot her an unamused glare. “You will be thanking me for that birthing-dad mode when you’re in labor and I have everything packed up within minutes.”

This time Elain laughed loud and joyfully. “Yes, you’re probably right.” She nodded to the dress on the bed. “Help me slip that on?”

He grabbed the fabric, bunching it in his large fists, and pulled it over her head. It was an off-the-shoulder, loose, pale pink cotton dress, decorated with roses. It looked vintage, gathering just under her bust, with oversized puffy sleeves that sat off her shoulders, over her biceps. Ruffles accentuated the bottom hem, emphasizing the vintage style. It was the perfect spring dress. When Elain first saw it at the store, she knew she had to buy it for the shower.

Azriel tugged her loose curls from the back of the dress, letting them brush against her spine. He placed a kiss on her bare shoulder before grabbing the rose-pendant necklace he bought to go with the dress and draping it around her delicate neck. “Perfect,” he murmured onto her skin, his smile pressing against her neck.

Elain sighed softly, reaching up to thread her fingers through his dark hair. “How am I still horny for you?”

He nipped at her throat, a rumble shaking his chest. “Because you know I can deliver what you need without even blinking.”

This time she laughed, letting his hands run across her body in possessive little touches.

Azriel brazenly cupped her sex through the dress, growling as she let out a mewling sound and began to writhe against those skilled fingers, searching for the friction she desperately craved. “Would you like to fuck my hand, love?” he murmured, mouth grazing her jaw.

Elain fell slack against him, letting his strength hold her up. “Az,” she breathed, eyes fluttering shut as he began to rub her in earnest. “Please.”

He nipped the curve of her ear, tugging the lobe between his teeth. “You beg so prettily, El.” Bunching up the dress in a fist, Azriel slid her panties aside, swiping his fingers over her soaked pussy. “Fuck, baby. You’re so wet for me. Always desperate for my touch.”

She gripped him, nails digging into his exposed forearms. “I need—I need,” she panted out, wiggling in his hold. “Please, Az.”

Giving her exactly what she wanted—needed—Azriel sunk his middle finger into her aching cunt, pumping once before adding a second digit. “Such a good girl,” he whispered, thrusting in and out of her. The heel of his palm grazed her clit sending bolts of pleasure up her spine.

Elain bit her lip, stifling the moan that threatened to burst from her. His fingers scraped along that special spot inside of her, building her up and up and up until she teetered on the edge of bliss.

Barely conscious of her surroundings, Elain caught the sound of the door handle jiggling, followed by a “Momma!”

Azriel clapped a hand over her mouth as he continued his machinations. “Momma’s getting dressed, Kaden. We’ll be out in a minute,” he called out, pressing his palm firmly on her clit and sending her spiraling into her orgasm.

Too far gone to care, she tumbled into sweet oblivion, coming hard on his fingers. Elain moaned, only quieted by the muffling against her husband’s scarred hand.

He worked her through her release, slowing his movements when she started to come down from her high. Az peppered her skin with sweet kisses, removing his fingers from her pussy and readjusting her panties back into place before letting the dress fall back down. “Better, my love?”

“I’m gonna have to change my underwear, but yes.” She twisted in his arms, catching him sucking his fingers clean. Elain brought his mouth down to hers, tongue licking the drop of her release dotting his bottom lip. “Thank you, husband.”

He smiled into their kiss, deepening it once more. “I’ll go check on Kaden while you finish up. We’ll head out when you’re done.”

Twenty minutes later, they were in the car on their way to Rhys and Feyre’s place. It was a gorgeous day full of sunshine, the air warm with the oncoming of summer. It was as if even the Mother wanted to grace her presence on that day with her radiance. They really couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day for a baby shower.

“Momma?” Kaden called from the back seat. “Where are we going?”

His speech had improved so much since they first brought him home that the therapist they hired had told them after the end of the school year, that he likely wouldn’t need to continue seeing a specialist to catch him up. He was reading and writing the way a five-year-old should be and was on track to pass kindergarten with flying colors.

She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Remember how we talked about going to Aunt Feyre and Uncle Rhys’s for the baby shower today.”

He seemed to think about that. “What’s a baby shower?”

Her lips quirked up at his curious mind. Thankfully, he hadn’t asked about where babies came from again. “It’s a party to celebrate the upcoming arrival of your brother and sister.” Her hand came to rest on her belly instinctively.

His face scrunched up. “Will I have to take a bath again?”

Azriel let out a snort, glancing at her. “It’s a fair question.”

She laughed. “No, sweetheart. Not that kind of shower. To shower with love. The party is just to celebrate the babies before they arrive.”

“Will there be cake?” he asked, excitement lighting up his face at the prospect of sweets.

“For my sister’s sake, there better be.” Elain’s late-stage pregnancy craving was anything sweet. Cookies, cakes, pastries, whatever she could get her hands on, she was eating it. Azriel was barely able to keep the pantry stocked with desserts for her to snack on.

Her husband chuckled. “If she doesn’t, we’ll stop by a bakery on our way home and get each of you a cake. How’s that sound?” he asked, grasping her hand and bringing it to his mouth to kiss her knuckles.

She grinned. “You spoil me.”

He looked at her then. “You deserve to be spoiled.”

They were fashionably late to their baby shower, and Elain completely blamed her husband’s morning sexual charade for the delay in their arrival. Not that she minded at all. She had another Braxton Hick contraction in the car, Azriel eying her with worry and once again asking if they should make a pitstop at the hospital just in case.

But that would’ve made them even more late and Elain knew it was unnecessary.

All of their friends and family were waiting for their arrival. And she hated being late.

“What am I going to do with you gone for six months, Elain?” Thesan teased, taking a sip of his beer.

She shot a devilish grin at the head nurse sitting on the couch across from her. “I’m sure Viv would love to pick up all the slack.”

Viviane squawked in outrage and pointed a menacing finger in her direction. “Don’t put your work on me while you’re enjoying your babymoon, Elain Archeron-Knight.”

The group laughed as she pushed herself up off the couch. Another contraction hit her and she winced, catching the attention of the sharp-eyed nurse. But before she could ask, Kaden came bounding up to her, tugging on the skirt of her dress.

“Momma, can I have a cake pop?” He looked up at her with those damn puppy eyes he knew she couldn’t resist.

Elain ran a hand through his hair. “Sure, sweetie. Only one. You don’t want to spoil your appetite for Uncle Cassian’s good barbeque.”

Said uncle was out in the backyard tending to the grill with her husband, Rhys, and the Moonbeam brothers because, apparently, that’s where men gathered. Aelin and Rowan had joined them, the former getting an eyebrow raise from Azriel at her company’s appearance.

She made her way to the kitchen, hoping to perhaps score one of those cake pops herself—she was the guest of honor, surely she could snag one too. Feyre, Nuala, and Cerridwen had been busy putting together the final touches for lunch and were just waiting for Cassian’s proteins to serve food.

But just as she reached the breakfast bar, a wave of excruciating pain washed over her. Catching herself on the counter, Elain gripped the side of her stomach, groaning loud enough that the other room went silent. And then she felt it. Liquid surged between her legs, puddling the floor beneath her.

No. No, it was too soon. They couldn’t be coming already.

Viviane rounded the corner from the living room as Feyre and the twins approached her.

Somebody breathed her name, but she couldn’t decipher who it was over the blood rushing in her ears.

More footsteps sounded as her friends and family came from the living room to see what was going on.

“Elain.” It was Feyre’s voice that broke through the fog of fear that had clouded her, but she was too numb to respond. Too nervous. “Somebody get Azriel!”

Her panic grew and her breathing turned shallow. It was too soon. She wasn’t ready, wasn’t prepared enough. The anxiety of giving birth hit her like a freight train.

She couldn’t do this.

She couldn’t.

~~~~~

Azriel took a swig of his beer, rolling his eyes at the cad comment Rhys made. His tanned skin warmed in the sunlight even with the sleeves of his button-down rolled up to his elbows. With a glance at the large window, he caught Elain rising from her spot on the couch, Kaden gripping her dress to speak with her.

Gods, that fucking dress. Elain looked like a maternal goddess in it, emphasizing her swollen belly, brimming with the life of his children. Az never realized he had a breeding kink until he and Elain got back together. His desire to fill her with his seed, to watch her grow with life had him hardening in his pants.

Now at eight months, she had reached the stage where little things irked the hell out of her. Honestly, her temper was cute as hell, but he tried to be considerate of her exhaustion and short-fuse, offering himself up to take the heat of her ire. It was only fair—he’s the one that got her pregnant.

It may have made him a primitive, alpha-douchebag, but fuck did he love to see her waddling around, pregnant and barefoot in their home. She was already such a wonderful mother to their boy, Kaden. Cassian had been right. He was so incredibly grateful for Elain’s maternal instinct.

“Something caught your eye, brother?” Cassian taunted, grinning. His brother knew exactly what he was looking at. Or whom.

He shot him a dry look that had Cash chuckling.

“If she wasn’t already pregnant, I’d say that look alone could’ve knocked her up,” he teased. “Who knew you had such a kink, Az.”

Azriel opened his mouth to retort, but the sliding glass door opening caught his attention.

Nuala peeked her head out, a worried look on her face that had his stomach tightening in knots. “Azriel! Get in here now!”

But he was already moving, dropping his drink on the table and running after her into the house, his brothers and friends hot on his heels. He froze in the entryway of the kitchen, taking in the scene for a split second before his eyes settled on Elain bent over the counter, a puddle of clear liquid beneath her.

His feet ate up the space between them in three long strides, her name falling from his lips as he cupped her face and forced her gaze on his. Azriel prided himself in knowing exactly what Elain was feeling, what she was thinking by just the look on her face. He read her better than he did himself. So, seeing the blatant apprehension and worry written as clearly as a tattoo on her forehead had his heart racing in his chest.

Her eyes were wet with the tears he could tell she was trying to hold back.

“Love,” he said quietly, unsure how to proceed at the moment.

She blinked like hearing him cleared a bit of the fog that had washed over her. “Azriel.” Her voice cracked.

He folded her into his arms, trying to soothe whatever worries were troubling her. “You’re okay, my love.”

Elain seemed to melt in his embrace, her tension slowly ebbing away the longer he held her. He gave her whatever time she needed, ignoring the audience they had around them, but it was long enough for another contraction to hit. She cried out, gripping his hand in hers and squeezing tight.

Viviane snapped into action at that. “Azriel, her contractions are about nine minutes apart now. She’s going to have at least two more by the time you reach the hospital.”

“No hospitals,” Elain growled.

That had him pulling back to look down at her. “El, the babies are coming—”

“No. Hospitals.” He could see the wavering in her face. “I—,” she paused, hesitating. “They’re not ready. It’s too early. Too soon. They can’t come out yet…” Her head fell until she was looking at the wetness still sitting on the floor. “I’m not ready,” Elain whispered so quietly, that he almost missed it.

Azriel knew that was nerves speaking. While Kaden made them parents, the idea of giving birth to the twins was the primary source of her fear. The books he read said that many expectant mothers experienced this type of anxiety right around the time they went into labor. If they were going to have any success in her having a smooth birth, Azriel needed to get her to calm down. He glanced at Cassian. “Can you get her a chair?”

His brother grabbed one from the dining room, setting it out for Az to carefully guide Elain into. He knelt in front of her, keeping her hands clasped firmly in his. “Elain, sweetheart,” her dark eyes latched onto his, needing to hear his reassurance. He kept his voice low, wishing they didn’t have to have this conversation in front of their friends and family.

Rhys seemed to sense that and began ushering people out of the room. “Let’s give the couple a few minutes.”

He shot his brother a grateful look before returning his attention to Elain. “Sweetheart, I know you’re scared. I know it’s earlier than we were expecting. But if there is one thing that I am certain of is that you can do this.” He squeezed her hands in comfort. “You are the strongest person I know. You’ve been through so much that once all is said and done, you’re going to look at me and tell me that this was the easy part. I promise you that if anyone can do this, it’s you. And I will be right by your side for every step, holding your hand, giving you ice chips, and bearing whatever you need me to bear to bring our children into the world.”

She sniffed, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re sure?”

“Without a doubt, Elain. You can do this.” He brought their joined hands up to his mouth, kissing her fingers and letting her absorb whatever confidence she needed. “So, what do you say? Are you ready to have our babies, love?”

Elain huffed a laugh, his words settling the nerves she had. “Yes, let’s go have our babies,” she breathed, her grin taking over her entire face, lasting all of thirty seconds before a look of panic took root once more. “Az, the birthing bag is still at the house.”

He let out an undignified snort. “Do you think after having that contraction in front of me this morning, I’d leave the house without having absolutely everything packed and ready to go? Come on, baby, you know me better than that. It’s all in the back of the car.”

She blinked in surprise. “The birthing bag and my pillow?”

“In the car,” he confirmed.

“Kaden’s overnight bag?”

“In the car.”

“The car seats for the twins?”

He scoffed. “You know I installed those weeks ago, try again.”

Her lips quired up at the corner. “What about the slippers I was wearing this morning?” she asked, thinking she had him.

Az rolled his eyes in playful exasperation. “I grabbed them when I snagged the birthing bag.” He kissed her hands again. “I’ve got you, love.”

And then she was leaning forward, kissing him with so much love and devotion, he felt it down to the soul she brought back to life. The sound of their family’s cheers forced them apart, a pretty blush dusting the tops of Elain’s cheeks, but she didn’t dare look away from him.

Without looking away from her, Azriel reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys, and tossed them to Rhys. “Can you grab Kaden’s bag from the trunk? The one with dinosaurs. And then Elain’s purple one as well.”

Elain’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Why is he grabbing mine?”

His lips pulled up into a knowing grin, brushing the shell of her ear as he leaned forward to whisper, “I thought you might like to change your underwear and put on a maternity pad for the ride to the hospital.”

Her cheeks heated in embarrassment, but she nodded in agreement.  

A little body shuffled closer. “Momma?” Kaden murmured, looking so very worried over the state of his mother.

She held her arms out, motioning him forward. “C’mere sweetheart.” Elain tucked him into her chest, kissing the top of his head. “You’re going to stay here with Aunt Feyre and Uncle Rhys while Daddy and I go to the hospital to have your brother and sister.”

He looked up at her with those puppy-dog eyes and damn, the kid knew how to work them. “But I want to go with you!” His lower lip quivered and Azriel could tell he was on the verge of tears.

But his wife took it in stride, cupping his little face in her palms and swiping her thumbs across his cheeks. “I know, sweetheart. I know you do. But you’ll have a much better time here with your aunt and uncle. Momma’s not going to be fun to be around until your siblings are here.” She kissed his plump cheek. “But I promise that you will be the first to see us once they arrive. Okay?”

Feyre stepped forward, reaching out a hand for their son. “Come on, Kaden. We’ll have lots of fun eating all the desserts left over.” She shot them a wink when he finally relented, taking her fingers.

After cleaning her up as best as he could and getting her a maternity pad from her bag, he and Elain were in the car on the way to the hospital. As Viviane predicted, she had two more contractions on the way, grabbing his offered hand and the “oh shit” bar as she groaned her way through it. And then promptly went into a third one right as they arrived.

Az timed them out, still sitting about nine minutes apart. “Breathe, baby. Good, love. Just like that.” His thumb grazed the back of her hand. Her grip was tight, on the verge of painful, but he didn’t dare let his face flinch or show an ounce of discomfort. She needed his strength and that’s exactly what he was going to give her.

They were immediately escorted to their private room and Elain’s vitals were checked over. She was sitting at only two centimeters dilated, which meant they were looking at being there for a bit.

Between her contractions, he swapped out his clothes for a fitted black t-shirt and grey sweatpants to get more comfortable and then sent a text to their siblings to notify them that they were in and settled, but it would be a while before they would have any progress.

“Can you check in with Kaden?” Elain asked, taking a scoop of ice chips from her cup.

The corner of his lips curled up at the question. “I already did. Feyre said he wouldn’t leave the front window for a while and had to persuade him with his baby cousin and a lot of sweet treats.”

She snorted, shaking her head. “He’s going to have a mouth full of cavities before we get home.” Elain twisted to look at him. “Do you think we made the right decision by not letting him come with us? It sounds like he’s waiting for us to return. I know that some families let their little ones be present for the birth of their siblings and we discussed it—”

He interrupted her train of thought. “I think we made the right call, love. We’re going to be here for a while and we both know that things can upset him. I don’t know how well he’d handle watching you go through that.”

She nodded but didn’t look very convinced.

Azriel reached for her hand, covering it with his own and squeezing her fingers. “He’s safe and well-cared for. Remember that while we focus on bringing his little brother and sister into the world.” He brushed his lips over her knuckles in a sweet kiss.

Elain smiled softly at him. “Okay.”

And so, they waited.

Per his wife’s birthing plan, she wanted to attempt to go natural. Azriel admired her strength and resilience in doing so. But after over sixteen hours of hard labor, he could see her resolve fading.

He stroked her cheek, fingers brushing hair behind her ear. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

Dark circles already lined the underneath part of her eyes. She looked so weary. “I’m so tired, Az.” Her voice came out nearly broken and fuck if that didn’t just rip his beating heart from his chest.

Kissing her forehead, he murmured, “Do you want to get the epidural? It’ll help you get some much-needed rest before the delivery.” As of now, she was only at seven centimeters and the doctor had said it could still be a while longer until she reached a full ten.

Her chin dipped in confirmation. “Please.”

Azriel didn’t waste time calling for the nurse. Within ten minutes, he watched as a grossly large needle was inserted into her back, sending that relief washing over her. He peppered her face with kisses during the procedure, murmuring words of praise and comfort in her ear as she gritted her teeth through it.

Elain spent the next eight hours in a fitful sleep, dosing off and waking up not long after each time. Azriel didn’t bother to try and sleep, not when she wasn’t really getting much at all.

But finally, after just past nine, she was fully dilated and ready to push.

His wife pushed and pushed and pushed for a half hour with nothing to show for it. She was in tears, frustrated, and so exhausted he was practically supporting all her weight having slid an arm around her shoulders to keep her upright.

“I can’t, I can’t,” she sobbed, half burying her face into his chest.

“You can, love. You’re so strong. Just a little bit more,” he tried to reassure her. It fucking killed him to see her like this.

“Can’t you do it for me?” she pleaded, looking up at him with wild, desperate eyes.

He gripped her cheek in his palm, kissing her temple. “You know I would, El. I would give anything to switch places with you right now. But I know you can do this. Just a few more pushes and then they’ll be here.”

Whatever she read within his words seemed to do the trick, her brows furrowing with a determination he hadn’t seen since they left the house. Elain pushed herself up, trying to get into a kneeling position, and he was right there, sliding behind her and supporting her weight.

The nurses squawked, muttering something about hospital policy, but frankly, he did not give a fuck, snarling, “Her body is telling her to push like this. Listen to your fucking patient.”

Changing the position was exactly what she needed because their son was born within the next two contractions, entering the world with a healthy set of lungs.

They sagged back against the pillows, his face wet with tears as they placed their new baby directly on Elain’s bared chest. He couldn’t stop himself from tipping her head back to kiss her softly on the lips, pausing the savor the moment.

Az traced the pads of his fingers over the curve of their boy’s cheek, just needing to touch him to prove he was here with them. Even covered in fluids, he was so beautiful. The perfect blend of the two of them.

The nurses gave them just a few minutes with the first baby before Doctor Chen said that she needed to start pushing again. She took their boy from Elain’s arms, promising to bring him back for Azriel after he was cleaned up and their daughter was born.

Delivery of their little girl went easier than with their son. But whereas their boy came out crying, their daughter came out silent.

Azriel knew something was wrong just by the silence, but it only grew the anxiety in his stomach when the doctor turned her back on them, taking their little one with her to work on.

“She’s not crying,” Elain breathed, worry clouding her voice.

He could only squeeze her shoulders in comfort, watching as they shoved things into her nose and mouth.

“Suction,” Chen ordered.

“Azriel, why isn’t she crying?”

“She’s going to be okay, love. They’re helping her. She’s okay.” The words passed his lips even as his heart dropped into his stomach when they started doing compressions on her tiny body.

No.

This couldn’t be happening. They couldn’t lose her. It would kill him to lose his little girl, but Elain, fuck, he couldn’t even begin to fathom the devastation she would face at this loss. There was nothing he could do. He couldn’t pay to fix this or threaten someone to save their baby girl.

So, he did what any father would do.

He prayed.

He prayed to every god, every deity, everything, and anything he could think of to keep his little girl safe and bring her back to them. To take her place if they demanded it. A life for a life. He’d pay it for his child, his family. “Come on,” he murmured. “Come on, baby. Come on.”

Elain curved her face into the side of his chest, howling in a way he’d never heard from her before.

His arms went around her, that dreaded feeling turning his blood cold. The terror he felt of their little one dead before she lived was unlike anything he’d ever experienced. But still, he did not stop praying, clutching Elain’s shaking body to his. “Come on, little one. Come on!” he chanted. “Please.”

And then, a rattled cough tore from her tiny body, followed by the sweet, beautiful sound of her cry.

Elain’s wail turned into relieved sobs, as the doctor walked over their bundled little girl and placed her into his wife’s awaiting arms.

“Somebody was just so excited to meet you, she took a breath a little too early, but we cleared out her passages and lungs and she looks good now.”

His wife tucked their daughter into her chest, kissing the top of her head. “Hi sweet girl, Momma’s here,” she whispered, tears still falling down her cheeks. Tears that matched the ones running down his face.

She was here. His baby girl. Fuck, she looked just like him, with dark hair and tanned skin. He hadn’t gotten a look at her eyes yet, but already she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“Here you go, Mr. Archeron-Knight,” one of the other nurses said, pulling his attention from his wife and daughter as she handed him his son, cleaned up and wrapped in a soft blanket.

The small bundle was gently laid in the crook of his elbow. Azriel didn’t think he’d ever feel the amount of love he did on Kaden’s adoption day, but sitting here with his gorgeous wife, holding their newborn twins, he felt his heart soar in his chest.

Sweaty and fatigued, Elain glanced up at his face, the sweetest, exhausted smile pulling on her lips. “I love you,” she murmured.

He let out a sound that was a cross between a chuckle and a sob. “I love you more.” And then he kissed her, sealing that moment in time with his undying love for her.

~~~~~

Elain woke to the sound of a whimpering cry, swiftly followed by Azriel’s low voice.

“Hey, sweet girl. What’s wrong, huh?” She heard some shuffling as her husband lifted their daughter from the nursery bed. “Momma needs her sleep so we need to be quiet.” He kept his voice low enough to not disturb her—fuck she loved him so much—but she was already awake, rolling over in the hospital bed to face him.

Azriel holding his children was, hands down, the sexiest thing she’d ever seen. How she could even feel the need for him after pushing two babies out of her currently aching and severely injured body was beyond her, but just watching him bounce their fussing daughter made all those desires come roaring to the surface.

Almost as if he could sense her presence, hazel eyes slid to hers. “I’ve got her, love. Go back to sleep.” His voice remained soft as night as if anything louder would disturb her.

She curled up on her side, watching him. “I think we should get used to no sleep now.”

He huffed a laugh, patting Rosalie on her back as she further settled into the crook of his elbow.

Their daughter was almost two pounds smaller than her brother, coming in right at five whereas Ryder was a healthy six pounds, fourteen ounces. The doctor was a little concerned over Rosalie’s lower birth weight, but Elain had managed to get both babies to latch and feed earlier and she ate well, so they were mainly playing it by ear.

Because of her smaller size, Azriel already placed an order for some preemie clothes and sent a photo of her with the twins to their siblings. They asked to give them a day to recuperate before coming to the hospital in the morning. After the scare with Rosalie, both she and Azriel wanted to take some time to spend with the babies. Plus, the medical team was in and out of their room, taking Rosalie for some additional tests just to be sure everything looked good.

It was just after seven that night, and they were settling in for the evening. Tired of hospital food, Azriel ordered hamburgers from DoorDash for them to eat. Elain was starving and it sounded so good that she drooled when she suggested it to him. Both babies had been fed only an hour earlier and she anticipated not having another feeding till late evening or early morning.

Elain grabbed whatever sleep she could, knowing she’d need it when they were released in a couple of days, but she was sure Azriel hadn’t slept a wink since she’d gone into labor.

She pushed herself up, reclining on her pillows. The nurses cleaned her after the delivery and stitched her up from tearing, but Elain couldn’t wait to get home and take a proper shower. “Does she need to be changed?” she asked, nodding to the now-sleeping baby in her husband’s arms.

Azriel shook his head. “No, I think she was just fussing.” His dark hair was still mussed up from when he stripped out of his shirt earlier, taking time for skin-to-skin contact with each of the twins.

Elain had to rein in her laugh at how the nurse blushed as he revealed miles of gloriously tanned, tattooed skin and corded muscle. Her husband was a fine specimen, but he never flaunted it, so seeing another woman react to it was humorous especially since he didn’t even seem to notice her blushing, stammering state.

“You should sleep too, Az,” she said instead.

He looked at her, his lips curving up. It had been doing that a lot since the birth of the twins. The sweetest, smallest smile that crept up the corners of his mouth. Almost as if he didn’t even realize he was doing it. It was utterly adorable and made him look younger. “I’ll rest later. You need it more than me.”

Her shoulders shook in amusement. “You know, we can sleep when they do.”

“I just don’t want to miss a second of them.” His attention returned to his little girl who already had him wrapped around her finger. To be fair, all of their children did. “Fuck, I can’t believe they’re here already. It seems like it was only a month ago you found out you were pregnant.”

“I can’t believe our first anniversary is coming up in just a handful of weeks.”

At that, he laughed. “I guess a trip for our anniversary is out of the question?”

She grinned. “Not unless all our little ones are coming with us.” Because like hell was she going to be able to leave them so soon. Plus with her nursing, it just wouldn’t be ideal.

He seemed to consider her. “We could take the jet to the Summer District. Kaden will be out of school then and we’ll both still be out on leave. Just a thought.”

Gods, he was fucking perfect. “That might be nice.”

A knock on the door interrupted whatever he was going to say. He frowned in confusion, looking at her.

Elain shrugged, sitting up further on her bed. “Come in,” she called out.

She thought it might be a nurse or a doctor, coming to check on her or the twins. What she didn’t expect was for Rhys to peek his head into the room. Surprise lit her features and she glanced at Azriel, who looked equally as bewildered at the sudden visit from their brother.

“Hey,” Rhys said. “I apologize for dropping by unannounced, but somebody really couldn’t wait till tomorrow to see you.” He opened the door slightly, revealing Kaden clutching a teddy bear, eyes puffy and red from crying.

Her heart ached at the distress their son must’ve been in for Rhys to come all the way here. “Hello sweetheart,” she said, keeping her voice soft. “Come here, my love.”

He took a small step further into the room, Rhys’s hand guiding him at the backside of his head. Kaden took slow steps as he approached the side of her bed. “Momma, are you sick?”

She reached out to cup his cheek in her palm. “No, baby. I’m not sick. Your brother and sister decided it was time to come out of my tummy.” Her eyes found Azriel’s as he rose from his seat on the couch, moving toward them. “Would you like to meet them?” she asked, returning her gaze to Kaden’s.

His head dipped in confirmation.

Elain pushed herself back even more. “Rhys, can you help him up and then grab me that flat pillow over there.”

He set the boy on the bed between her spread legs, Kaden shuffling backward and bumping into her sensitive lower area.

She hissed out in pain before she could stop herself. A wave of agony washed over her with enough intensity that her stomach curdled with nausea.

Azriel reacted immediately. “Easy, buddy. Momma’s going to be sore for a while and we need to be extra careful with her.”

“I’m okay,” she spoke quickly, not wanting to upset Kaden any more than he already was, and kissed his plump cheek as she breathed through the pain. “Okay, Rhys. Place the pillow over our laps.”

Adjusting his arms in preparation, Azriel gently lowered their daughter until she comfortably rested on the nursing pillow.

“Kaden, this is your sister, Rosalie,” he announced, letting his finger stroke her rounded cheek.

Elain couldn’t see his face directly, but she did catch his eyes widening as he stared down at her, his fingers carefully tracing over her delicate features just as his father did.

“Rosawee,” he said, not quite catching the ending syllable. It would be something they would have to work on. When she kicked a leg within her swaddle, he pulled his hand back, startled.

She laughed, feeling the bed dip as Azriel sat down next to them, bringing over their son. “And this is your brother, Ryder.”

He reached out to trace the outline of his brows, the touch gentle and exploratory. “I’m a brother?” he asked, turning his head to look up at her.

“That’s right sweetheart. You’re their big brother, and they’re going to love you so much,” she told him, kissing the top of his head.

Elain took in her family, her incredible husband, and three beautiful children. It sounded so wild to even think about. She was a wife and a mother. Thinking back, she remembered the day that had changed the trajectory of her life forever. The bank robbery a few years back. It was crazy to think how such a terrifying moment altered her life in the best of ways. It brought her back to the love of her life.

It put her on this very path.

She’d face every one of the moments since then tenfold as long as it brought her to this point in time, sitting here with her gorgeous little family.

“Perfect.”

She looked up at Rhys, catching him with his phone out.

“Your first family photo.”

Her lips turned up and silver lined her eyes. “Thank you, Rhys.”

He waved her off. “Do you want me to take Kaden back with me?”

“No,” Azriel said, ruffling his eldest son’s hair. “He can stay here with us tonight. Can you put his booster seat in our car? The keys are in my bag.”

“You got it.” He grabbed the keys but paused on the threshold. “And congratulations you guys. Rosalie and Ryder are beautiful.”

Azriel leaned further into her side, kissing her temple. “Thank you, brother.” Once alone, he turned her head toward his, bringing her mouth to his for a slow, sweet kiss. “I love you so damn much, Elain.”

His smile was infectious, making her lips turn up at the corners. “Thank you, Azriel, for giving me this life—these babies. You have made me the happiest I could ever imagine. I love you.”

“Momma! She’s got my finger,” Kaden’s giggle interrupted their moment.

They laughed, looking at their three beautiful children.

Elain knew that this perfect moment was just the very beginning of the rest of their lives.

~~~~~

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[argentinpantsuit]

Teen Titans Masterpost And Reading Guide -

This is mostly a passion project of mine about my favourite team in DC Comics The Titans ! The general consensus I have seen on this website is that their history is confusing and people don’t know where to start so …. This guide includes ALL ( worthwhile ) pieces of Titans Media .

Ok so this is heavily inspired by @bitimdrake ‘s guide so check that one too !

Just to preface this is all my opinion and you can really start wherever you feel like it if you want to ! Sound Good 👍🏻 Good

TEEN TITANS

Ok so before you begin the og TT series you should read

- Brave and The Bold ( 1955) #54 and #60 if you want to read right from the start chronologically!

The Original Team of the TEEN TITANS was a series that ran through the 60s beginning in 1966 - 1973 and having a comeback in 1976 .

The OG series consisted mostly Robin Wonder Girl Kid Flash and Aqualad with many a cameo from other teens.

You can either read the OG Series but its completely optional it’s pretty outdated and silly but it’s a fun ride even then . In my opinion its best to leave for after you have been endeared to the characters .

If you really enjoy the Silver Age Teen Titans there’s also Showcase #59 before Roy joins and a story in the 80 page Flash Giant ! And after reading issue #20 you can also read #83 of Brave and The Bold.

After #31 theres TBANB #94 and after #34 theres World Finest Comics #205 ( read at your own discretion - totally optional)

Aswell as BANTB #102 and #149

And the utterly delightful Teen Titans lost annual & A story ( worlds oldest teenagers ) in the 80 page Flash giant.

All optional ( they get really weird)

Alternatively just read TEEN TITANS : YEAR ONE .

Some Issues I recommend from the OG Series

- #1 #2 #12 #53 ( last issue )

\ The series continues on from 1966-1976 \

NEW TEEN TITANS

NTT is arguably the seminal run and its best an absolute mustread . ( at it’s worst ….)

- DC PRESENTS #26 ( totally optional)

- THE NEW TEEN TITANS Vol.1

#1-40

- BEST OF DC #18 ( optional again.)

- Tales of The New Teen Titans ( miniseries #1-4 included in the NTT Omnis)

- read the 1st annual after issue #25

- By Issue 40 the series rebrands To TALES Of TEEN TITANS

This continues on from issues #41 to #58 it runs alongside NTT VOL.2 but is set 6 months before .

Read annual 3 as Part of Judas Contract !

- NEW TEEN TITANS VOL.2

#1-49

- TT Spotlight Miniseries !! ( SO GOOD SERIOUSLY)

- There’s also a drug awareness special at some point ( it’s its …. Certainly something)

NEW TITANS

By this point they remembered that “hey these guys aren’t teens anymore ” and thus renamed it to NEW TITANS . This series started off well enough and quickly devolved into arguably one of the worst runs EVER.

New Titans #81 is part of War Of The Gods and Annual 7 is part of Armageddon 2001 ( don’t bother ) annual 8 is part OF YET ANOTHER EVENT . Again don’t bother .

It’s pretty much highly recommend giving it up at #70 regardless .

-THE NEW TITANS

#50 - 100

ECTERA -

- running alongside NEW TITANS by 1992 was TEAM TITANS a series so awful I cannot recommend to you in clear conscience but if your a completetionist ( trust me I get it ) It’s there and Donna shows up alot !

- TITANS SELLOUT SPECIAL (1992)

NEW TITANS : MELTDOWN

The last decaying remains of NT walks on like a zombie on acid but by #100 all of the NTT crew is gone ( well most Mirage Donna as a Darkstar ect ) and leave to be replaced by an all new government sponsored Titans team lead by Roy .

- NEW TITANS

#0 / ZERO HOUR don’t worry about it/- 130

( IF YOU WANT CONTINUITY FOR KORI Showcase ‘94 #11 )

NT end’s with a whole 11 annuals

Ok so I am aware that they aren’t strictly Titans series BUT PLEASE TAKE a minute to read

The Arsenal Special!! Its a short single issue and BRILLIANT !! It informs a-lot of his character later on as well as of course the actual Arsenal Miniseries.

ALSO THE TEMPEST (1996) a absolute must read also informs basically everything about Garth and arguably his best story ever … just take a minute and read these if you want !! Before the Titans (1999)

TEEN TITANS (1996)

Ok so in the 90’s DC decided to start the TT from scratch ( huh see how long this’ll last )

This all new team was comprised of 4 half alien teens and a freshly deaged Atom. It didn’t last very long and while I am fond of it AGAIN you don’t HAVE TO read it

TEEN TITANS (1996)

#1-24

Also a few specials ! And 1 annual

Titans Beat #1

Impulse/Atom DoubleShot #1

Robin/Argent DoubleShot #1

Superboy/Risk DoubleShot #1

Supergirl/Prysm DoubleShot #1

New Year’s Evil : Dark Nemesis #1

JLA/TITANS : THE TECHNIS IMPERATIVE #1-3

Absolute MUST-READ . Literally one of my favourite comics of all time . Also essential because it kickstarts a certain run..

TITANS (1999)

One of If not the best run on Titans ( don’t @ me ) It slowly loses momentum after #26 but I still generally LOVED it . Stellar A++ Titans content !!

( you can also read the Beast Boy #1-4 miniseries prequel . But uh unless you really love Bette it’s not worth it )

TITANS (1999)

#1-50

Also TITANS Secret Files and Origins !!! ( ♥️♥️♥️ )

After #14 you can read Titans/Legion Of SuperHeroes : Universe Ablaze (2000) crossover as well as #1-4 - Silver Age Teen Titans (2000) #1

YOUNG JUSTICE

OK OK NOW IK THIS ISNT A TITANS OR TT RUN but this gen WILL eventually become TT 2003 ( 😒 ) and honestly ……

READ YJ 1998

It’s GREAT.

YJ/TITANS : GRADUATION DAY

Oh brother. Ok so I am pretty salty about this whole comic but it’s essential and has some good moments soo yeah read Graduation Day .

OUTSIDERS/TT SECRET FILES AND ORIGINS ♥️☝️ please read this after Graduation Day It’s heartbreaking and I love it !

TEEN TITANS 2003 - ( until OYL )

After the unfortunate events of graduation day the aforementioned YJ Gen ( - Anita and Greta 😞) and the OG NTT Crew ( Vic Kory Deaged Raven ) join to become …..

TEEN TITANS ( 2003)

( I have mixed opinions on this run some think it a masterpiece some think it awful I generally think it’s…. Fine ? Well “sigh” not fine but give it a go I guess ) I recommend #2-26

- #1-33

After #33 OYL hits

OUTSIDERS 2003 - ( until OYL )

Ok so this run isn’t really…. A titans run but it has fantastic Roy and Dick characterisation and KORY JOINS LATER AND SO TECHNICALLY-

#1-33

Read Annual 1 before #46

Don’t bother after #

POST - OYL TT 2003

Ok so I basically consider post OYL TT ‘03 to be a totally different team because… well it is . All of the NTT crew leave and are replaced by a handful of cameos and eventually like Rose Wilson and Kid Devil and because at this point half of the YJ gen is well…dead . It was pretty awful at this point though I find the character interactions endearing. This series remains like that until N52 .

They have crossovers with Red Robin aswell as Wonder Girl Vol.2

#33-100

OUTSIDERS/TT 2003 ECTERA

- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES READ TERROR TITANS . Unless you really love Rose..( like me..)

- RETURN OF DONNA TROY ♥️♥️♥️ !!!! Excellent MUST READ !!!!

- TEEN TITANS : COLD CASE - seriously don’t read this if you don’t have too .

- TEEN TITANS : Spotlight on Wondergirl - awful . Seeing a pattern ?

THEN - TITANS EAST SPECIAL !!

DC SPECIAL CYBORG #1-6 ( optional)

TITANS (2008)

After all the bullshit THEY ARE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN YAY !!!! To bad there’s so much shit going on OUTSIDE of the Titans that ends up fucking over the characters. E.G Bruce dying so Dick has to go be Batman and …. Hell . Fucking Rise Of Arsenal. If you know what happens in that book well yk that Roy ends up relapsing and going down a much darker mindset .

Series swings between being really good and being a mischaracterising MESS.

TITANS ( 2008 )

#1-23

By Titans #12 the Deathtrap crossover starts it goes like this

TITANS #12

Vigilante #5

Teen Titans #70

TITANS #13

Vigilante #6

But Amanda why did you put it’s end at 23 when Ik for a fact that goes on for #38 issues ????

Oh boy .

Titans : Villains For Hire Special #1 before #24

TITANS ( 2008 ) : VILLAINS FOR HIRE

So at issue 23 DC had the genius idea of taking the Titans and …. Turning them into a mercenary and hitman group lead by Deathstroke himself ( why ? I wish I fucking knew.) Filled out with hitman and villains and …. Roy who was now really dark and #edgy . Whatever It was bad and a wannabe secret six .

#23-38

However they’re was almost light at the end of the tunnel …. Jericho ( Joey Wilson yes he IS ALIVE ) seemed to have plans to assemble a new TITANS team and reunite their family and Roy well it seemed he was on a path to redemption he was almost there close to moving to recovery and healing and he could do it with—

N52 . POST FLASHPOINT TITANS.

The N52 was bad isnt a particularly outrageous statement but IT WAS EXTREMELY fucking bad in relation to the Titans . Bluntly put None of it ever happened and the only titans ( TEEN TITANS ACTUALLY) that had ever existed were the TT2003 guys . Just them. Fab Five never existed. NTT never existed.And all of the other og TT guys were …… WALLY never existed. Donna was a one note villain Garth never existed Dick was …. There I guess.. ROY was a dumbed down alcoholic with no purpose other than to gawk at how cool and oh and ahh at Jason Todd . ( KORY …… truly just awful what happened to her )

You can read the TEEN TITANS N52 . I guess .

They have 2 series . Read at your own peril they’re better if you pretend that the characters aren’t supposed to be … like the characters that they are . ( scott lobbell shouldn’t of been allowed to touch a pen )

REBIRTH

- TITANS HUNT ! - WALLY IS BACK

-TITANS VOL.3 is exactly what I wanted in the first half and then falls on it’s ass and burns like a trash fire . recommend stopping at #20

TITANS VOL. 3

#1-40

Justice League : No Justice- happens around this time and it was trying to create a new status quo ( uh-huh DC AGAIN ..) soo

Teen Titans Special #1 before

TEEN TITANS VOL.3

( also as your reading this read #54-55 for context in TT #27 )

“Yeah sure put the 11 year old in charge ”

Do not read this comic . And if you do ? THAT IS NOT DAMIAN . The series starts with Damian leading alot of the OG NTT guys like Kory and Vic + Ace and then it later just becomes Damian + Emiko + Ace and a couple other guys like Crush .

Drowned Earth happens ( not important) but it happens at #28 . And they have a crossover with Deathstroke in

TEEN TITANS / DEATHSTROKE : Terminus Agenda ( it’s vol ) optional though

But

- TITANS : Burning Rage

Slots in at this point so !!

A more obscure pick but no half bad

- #1-7

- Titans Academy

Haven’t actually read this one . Art looks gorgeous though

AND …

It leads too

- TITANS United

And

- TITANS : BLOODPACT

I love both of these Bloodpact in particular and it gives me Dickkory back aswell !! Good story and stellar art !!

NIGHTWING #100 - 104 to explain what is going on in …

- TITANS BY TOM TAYLOR ( Ongoing )

Also BEAST WORLD I guess 🤷‍♀️

Mid at BEST . #1-4

- Tales Of The Titans

A miniseries but so far the best Titans content we have gotten IN A WHILE . ♥️ ( sorta )

#1-4

ECTERA -

- NTT GAMES !

Fantastic and stellar art an standalone (?) dubiously canon graphic novel by Marv Wolfman and George Perez !

- TITANS AND NTT CONVERGENCE

- worthwhile and exactly what’s on the tin ! Love these gave a happy ending to the Post Crisis universe !

- Teen Titans WORLDS FINEST

- wonderful art by Dan Mora . Story is fine

- DC PRESENTS THE UNCANNY X-MEN AND NTT CROSSOVER.

SOOOOO GOOODD

- TITANS : Paper Scissors Stone

Okok elseworlds Titans book but I remember liked it !

OTHER MEDIA -

- TEEN TITANS ( 2003 THE TV SHOW )

A solid adaptation of … most of the characters please don’t go into this show and come out expecting the same from the comics . Did a lot of good for Terra’s character and influences ALOT of public perception. Just … don’t be annoying about the comics after watching this .

- TEEN TITANS GO

YES IK IK BUT ITS AN ADAPTATION AS WELL DONT JUMP ME

- TITANS ( TV SHOW)

….I wouldn’t recommend this show too anyone EXCEPT Titans fans who want more content of the team it’s it’s an experience. ( FUCK YOU FOR DOING THAT TO DONNA )

SO YEAH . Feel free to question me if I have forgotten any I don’t have spectacular memory lol

Happy reading ! !

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 49

Things change in Jackson but the most important things stay the same. The final chapter of Lavender, found in its entirety on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut! No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ only

Length: 7.3k

Sunday, October, 4, 2026

“Hey Joel!” Suzanne, a woman who worked at the clinic with you, ran up to him as he made his way home after an overnight patrol. “Do you know where Doc is?” 

“Think all my girls are at home,” he frowned a little. “Not sure, haven’t been there yet since gettin’ back but I’m heading there now… Everything OK?” 

“Think we’ve got an appendicitis,” she winced as she said it. “If she’s home, can you send her our way? Save me the trouble of going to look at your place.” 

“Yeah, ‘course,” Joel said. “I’ll see if I can track her down if she’s not there but it’s Sylvie’s nap time so can’t imagine she’d go far…” 

Suzanne smiled gratefully and ran back into the clinic, her ponytail swinging. 

Joel was eager to get home to you under any circumstance but even more so after doing an overnight patrol. He’d been away from you too long. He never slept well on patrol, never slept well if he was somewhere he couldn’t touch you, feel you breathing next to him. Whenever he got back, he usually spent five minutes just holding onto you, centering himself on you and the feeling of you in his arms again. But now you’d be running out the door right away. Even though he knew appendectomies were relatively easy and that you’d only be gone a few hours at the most, it was hard to not be a little frustrated by it. 

“Hey Love,” you smiled when he came in, stretched out on the couch with a ribbon tied like a headband in your hair and his daughter asleep on your chest. “Didn’t want to risk moving her, both of your kids have been in rare form today…” 

Sylvie, now 18 months old, shifted ever so slightly on her mother’s chest, her little features drawn in for a second - as if to prove a point - before relaxing. Her hair was getting long, her thick, dark curls a clone of her father. Her eyes were, too, when they were open. Joel knew them well. It seemed like he’d done nothing but stare at her for months after she was born, the combination of you and him something too beautiful to look away from. 

It sometimes felt to Joel that there was some part of the universe that always wanted your child to exist. You got pregnant so fast. He couldn’t be sure but the timing of the day at the lake made sense, like the only thing stopping the creation of you and him together was the power of modern medicine. The moment there was nothing preventing it she sprang into being, all but inevitable. 

Joel was surprised at just how much he loved seeing you pregnant. It hadn’t been something that he’d ever considered before now, not something he’d ever been drawn to before now. But looking at you, knowing you were growing his child, knowing your body was changing because of him somehow made you even more beautiful. 

Lucky for him, your hormones made you practically insatiable - not that you’d ever had a low sex drive. But it went from sex most nights to sex every night, often twice, and once again in the morning if you woke up with enough time before needing to get yourselves or Ellie out the door. He loved finding new places on you to touch and hold, loved kissing your stomach over where you were growing his daughter, loved holding your swollen breasts as he sank into your tight heat from behind, always cumming deep inside you because it’s not like he could make you any more pregnant. 

It took everything he had in him to not try to get you pregnant again. You’d told him, flat out, no. The pregnancy hadn’t been rough but it hadn’t been easy, either. You were tired but had a hard time sleeping, sensitive to all kinds of sights and smells, throwing up more days than you didn’t. It was easier, you said, than your first pregnancy, the one that was lost. But you were 20 years older now, everything was harder on your body now than it was then and the last thing he wanted to do was cause you any pain. 

But seeing you be a mother to his children had a tight hold on him. Every time he was inside you he had to fight the urge to plant himself deep, resist the drive to give you another child of his to grow and raise with him. Logic didn’t matter when he was inside of you, all that mattered was you and the primal need to give you as much of him as you would take. 

“Both of ‘em, huh?” He asked, coming over and pressing a deep kiss to your forehead and stroking your hair before sitting on the edge of the coffee table. 

“Yup,” you smiled a little. “Sylvie has not been on board with eating anything but she’s been crying half the day because she’s hungry. Ellie got home about an hour ago and didn’t say a word before stomping upstairs. So yes, your daughters have been in a mood today.” 

“Why are they my daughters when they’re actin’ up?” He asked, gently resting a hand on Sylvie’s back, feeling her little chest rise and fall with her sleepy breaths. 

“Because that’s when they take after you most,” you smirked a little. “When they’re angels who have never done a damn thing wrong, they’re mine.” 

He laughed once and went to scoop Sylvie off your chest and getting to his feet. You frowned. 

“I’ve got this little troublemaker since she’s apparently mine today,” he said, his youngest daughter stirring and scrunching her face as she yawned, her plump lips immediately falling into a pout. She buried her face into Joel’s neck with a little whine. “And I’ll go up and check on the other one. They need you at the clinic, appendicitis.”

“In that case, I leave you to be the outnumbered one,” you said, getting up and stretching out your back as you did. Joel took a second to admire you, the added thickness to your hips and legs and softness to your stomach and fullness to your breasts after carrying his daughter somehow making you even more lovely. Before, he didn’t think you could get anymore beautiful. Of course you’d find a way to prove him wrong. You reached up to kiss him, smiling against his lips before brushing Sylvie’s hair back. “Think you can behave yourself for your father since I’m sure he’s tired and hungry after a long day out patrolling?” 

She groaned and pushed her little face into his shoulder. He laughed. 

“Not like I haven’t dealt with moody girls before,” he said. His heart, he found, hurt less when he thought of Sarah now. The fact that she wasn’t there was still something that was missing. An emptiness and an ache of loss where he knew there should only be fullness and light. But he saw so much of her in Ellie and Sylvie and you. It made it so he could think about her, remember her, without it consuming him. He could miss her and remember her without suffering her loss. “I’ve got this Baby, go save a life.” 

You kissed his daughter’s chubby little hand and gave his arm a squeeze before leaving. He looked at Sylvie, her face still in his shoulder. 

“Alright Baby Girl,” he said. “We’re gonna try puttin’ you down for 10 minutes so I can talk to your sister, let’s see how that goes…” 

He carried her upstairs and set her gently in her crib. She stretched and yawned and pouted, her eyes closed - lashes so long they were splayed across her plump cheek - until Joel tucked a rag doll Ellie’d made her into her little grasp. She tugged it against herself and settled a bit and Joel all but tiptoed out of her room and down the hall to Ellie’s. He knocked gently on the door. 

“What.” Her voice was sharp. 

“It’s me,” he said. “Wonderin’ if you wanted to talk about somethin’.” 

“No.” 

He waited a second. 

“Can I come in?” He asked. 

“Your house.” 

He sighed. Why were teenagers so hard? He opened the door slowly and found her curled up on the bed, her eyes red and her arms crossed, her back to the mural. 

“What’s goin’ on, Baby Girl?” He asked gently, coming and sitting beside her on the bed. 

“I said I didn’t want to talk,” she snapped. “And I really don’t want to talk with you.” 

“Well, I’m who ya got,” he shrugged. “So I’d like it if you did. Want to help you if I can.” 

“You can’t help,” she glared at him. “You’ve done plenty.” 

“Wish you’d tell me what you mean,” he frowned. “I’m at a loss here, Baby Girl.” 

She sat up, crossing her legs and looking him in the eye. 

“There’d be a cure right now if it wasn’t for you, wouldn’t there.” She didn’t ask it, she said it. A statement of fact. Joel’s stomach dropped. 

“Where’d you get that idea?” He asked. 

“That’s not an answer, Joel. Would there be a cure if it wasn’t for you?” 

He sighed. 

“Let’s talk about this when your mother…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, she’s not my mom and you’re not my dad. You’re just some assholes who took away the one chance I had to make a fucking difference!” 

That hurt, more than he’d have thought it would. It’s not like Ellie called you Mom and him Dad but it felt like she thought of him the way he thought of her. You’d both tried to help her see how important she was, how much she mattered, what a difference she made to the people around her every day. It hadn’t seemed to stick.

“This about Lucas?” He asked softly. She glared at him but he took that for a yes. 

Her friend, Lucas, had been killed out on patrol a month earlier. Ripped apart by infected. It was tragic, the first loss on patrol in years. Lucas had been competent and likely kept the carnage from being worse, holding off a hoard long enough to get his patrol partners out alive.  Ellie had been distant and sullen a lot since then. 

You’d talked to Joel about it and the both of you figured she was mourning the loss of her friend. Neither of you thought it would be something like this. 

“Baby Girl,” he said gently. “Why don’t we talk about this when Doc gets home? You can ask us whatever you want, we’ll answer you. OK?” 

“Why, want to wait to get your stories straight?” She snapped. 

“Not gonna lie to you,” he said. “We’ll tell you whatever you want. But she needs to be here for it, too. Not right for it to just be you’n me, OK?” 

“Fine,” she snapped, curling up again. Sylvie started fussing in her room. He sighed and she just looked at him. “Go, I’m not allowed to talk to you until Doc’s here, anyway.” 

He fought the urge to fight her on it and went and picked up his youngest daughter, instead.

You’d been right about Sylvie. She wasn’t in the mood for eating anything but kept giving her hungry cry, wailing too much to actually form words, instead toddling around inconsolably. Eventually, he broke into a jar of canned peaches and handed her a sticky slice, the syrupy juice from the jar dripping down her hands. She chewed it, hiccuping, her tear-streaked little face calming. 

“You just wanted sugar,” he shook his head, smiling a little. “Should’ve known.” 

He found himself glancing at the clock every few minutes, waiting for time to pass, waiting for you to get home. For the first time, he was almost dreading it. Because the conversation with Ellie had the potential to ruin everything. He wouldn’t know how to fix it if she hated him for it. Wouldn’t know what to do if she decided to leave because of it. You’d tried to tell him that you had to explain it when it happened but he’d convinced you to do what he thought was the right thing to do. He’d convinced you to all but lie. 

If Ellie left because of it, would you leave, too? To stay with her? She would know it was Joel who wanted to hide it, she was anything but stupid. If she levied an ultimatum, would you leave him and take Sylvie with you? Would he deserve it if you did? 

All things considered, you weren’t gone long, home well before you’d either start cooking or head over to the mess hall for dinner. He met you at the door, Sylvie on his hip. 

“Hey,” you smiled, making your eyes go extra wide to get a little giggle out of your daughter. “She looks happier, I’m guessing you got her to eat something?” 

“Broke into some of the canned peaches,” he said as you put your arms around him and Sylvie, stretching up for a kiss. 

“Well if it works,” you said before you frowned. “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong…” 

“Ellie wants to talk,” he said, holding you a little closer. “About Salt Lake City.” 

You winced. 

“Shit,” you dropped your forehead to his chest and took a deep breath. “Well, we knew it was coming eventually. Think Tommy can take Sylvie for the night so we can hash this all out and make sure we’re focused on Ellie?” 

“Good plan,” he kissed the crown of your head and gave you a squeeze, some of his anxieties eased. You were here. Somehow, it was going to be OK. 

Tommy, thankfully, was fine to take Sylvie and didn’t ask many questions after he saw the look on Joel’s face. Instead, he took his niece inside to play with Jake, his son, and Joel came home to find you and Ellie on the couch. You’d made tea and Ellie was rapping her fingers against the side of her chipped mug. She narrowed her eyes at Joel when he came in, her small body tucked into the corner of the couch, her legs crossed in front of her. Joel sat in the arm chair near your end of the couch. He couldn’t settle back into it. Instead, he sat on the edge of it, his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped in front of him. 

“OK Baby Girl,” he sighed, looking at her. “What do you want to know.” 

“What happened?” She asked, staring him down. “With the Fireflies. What actually happened. You’ve never told me the truth about it but I need to know now. I can’t keep living with you fucking lying to me about it!” 

“OK,” you said gently. “It’s OK…” 

“No, it’s not OK,” she snapped. “And I’m tired of pretending like it is!” 

“They were gonna kill you, Baby Girl,” Joel said, struggling to speak past the lump in his throat, the tightness in his chest. 

“What?” Her eyes were a little wide. “No, Marlene said…” 

“Marlene lied,” you said, your voice sharper than Joel was used to hearing. “Their doctor was purposely vague with me because he knew I wouldn’t go along with his plan…” 

“What was the plan?” Ellie asked. “What did they need that would kill me?” 

“Your brain,” Joel said. It hurt him to even think about it, to think back to those horrific minutes where he wasn’t sure if he’d get to her in time, where he thought he might have lost her forever. “They needed the Cordyceps that have been in you since you were born and they grow inside your brain…” 

“You should have let them!” She cut him off, her eyes wide and teary. “Why would you stop them?” 

“Ellie…” he began but she smacked her mug down on the coffee table with a loud thud. 

“This was my one chance!” She looked between the two of you. “I could have actually done something! Been something, made a difference! My life would have mattered!” 

“Your life matters just the way it is,” you said, tears in your eyes. “Ellie, you and Sylvie are the most important things in the world to us, nothing could matter more than you…” 

“What about every other person in the fucking world?” She demanded. “What about…”

“The science was flawed,” you cut her off. “You were the only sample, to even test it would have killed you. Do you know how rarely something works right the first time in science? Basically never. Do you know how many combinations of things I had to try before my treatment worked in testing? Thousands, Ellie. They were going to kill you on the off chance he had it right and then when it didn’t work, what would be the point? That you got to die a noble death? That we lost you for nothing? 

“I had notes from the treatment I developed and he wanted to wait to try anything with it until after he took the cordyceps from you,” you pressed on. “He could have said stop. He could have decided to exhaust every other option first and he didn’t. He was convinced he was right and that’s not a good way to conduct science, I couldn’t trust him to do this right. The other option wasn’t for you to save the world Ellie, not really. Yes, maybe it would have gotten there eventually but it was so far from a certain thing.” 

“But…” she protested. 

“You’re not a parent,” Joel said gently. “But would you have let them kill me or her for that? Or Sylvie? Would you have let them kill your little sister for somethin’ like that?” 

Ellie just stared at her lap. 

“So what happened?” She asked, her voice thick. “You said the place was attacked but it wasn’t, was it?” 

Joel looked at you and you reached out your hand for him. He took it, holding onto you for dear life. 

“They weren’t goin’ to listen, Baby Girl,” he said. “I did what I had to do to keep you safe.” 

She nodded slowly. 

“And that’s how Doc got shot,” she stated it again. “They were trying to protect themselves from you.” 

“Yeah,” he said, your hand still tight in his own.

“How many people?” She asked quietly, looking up at the two of you. “How many people died there?” 

He clenched his jaw for a moment before he was able to meet her eyes. 

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I… I was so focused on gettin’ you out, I just did whatever I had to do.” 

“So you killed all those people,” she said. “Brought me here… and Doc, you just gave up? You never tried to do anything with all that shit you did? You just let people keep turning?” 

“Ellie…” you went to reach for her but she flinched back. 

“I can’t…” she shook her head. “I need to think… I’m going to stay with Dina for a bit.” 

She got up and Joel did, too. 

“Baby Girl,” he said but she shook her head. 

“Lucas might still be alive if she’d just done something,” Ellie shook her head. “But she didn’t. Neither one of you did. And it’s all fucking because of me.” 

She left and you were staring at the spot on the couch where she’d been. 

“Baby,” he said cautiously. He didn’t like the look on your face. “I’ll go after her…” 

“No,” you shook your head and wiped your eyes. “No, let her go. She deserves some space from me.” 

You got up and went for the stairs. 

“Baby…” 

“I’m going to shower,” you said. 

He watched you go, wishing he could find some way to fix it. 

*** 

Tuesday, May 11, 2027 

“Don’t like this,” Joel stood next to you, holding Sylvie, frowning. “It’s too dangerous…” 

“I’ll be fine,” you put your palm in the middle of his chest and kissed him. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.” 

He pulled you tight against him, his lips in your hair. 

“Mama,” Sylvie grabbed your braid. “Can I go on the horsie?” 

You smiled and brushed your daughter’s hair back. She looked so much like her father it made your heart ache. 

“Not this time, Baby Girl,” you smiled. “But soon. Promise.” 

“You ready?” Tommy rode up along side your horse. 

“As I’ll ever be,” you gave him a tight smile before kissing Sylvie one more time and giving Joel a longing look. “I’ll be back soon. I will.” 

“You’re not back by Labor Day I’ll come get you back,” he said, voice dark. “Make sure they fuckin’ know it.” 

He kissed your forehead and you mounted your horse, heading with Tommy outside Jackson. 

The day after Ellie left was your birthday and it was the worst it had been in years. You stayed in bed most of the day, Joel just holding you. 

“She’s right,” you said as the sun went down, your husband’s fingers tracing up and down your arm. “I should have done something with it, I’ve just been letting people die by not doing something with it…” 

Joel tried to talk you out of it but you were determined then. You pulled Tommy aside and talked him into tracking down old Firefly contacts he had, seeing if he could find Dr. Anderson. After making some carefully placed radio calls over a span of months - much to Maria’s chagrin - he found him, at a hospital in Boise. 

“You’re not goin’,” Joel paced your kitchen, his arms crossed. “I don’t give a shit if you can save everyone on the goddamn planet, you’re not goin’.” 

“Yes, I am,” you said, sitting at the table, voice calm. “I respect your opinion but you don’t get to make this decision for me.” 

“What if somethin’ happens to you?” He asked, stopping in front of you. “You’re talkin’ about meetin’ up with a bunch of fuckin’ terrorists who already damn near killed you…” 

“They need what’s in my head,” you said. “They won’t kill me.” 

He knelt in front of you, almost the exact place he’d been when he’d proposed years earlier, and took your face in his hands, holding you gently. 

“I can’t do this without you, Baby,” he said, his deep brown eyes soft and scared. “Don’t ask me to try’n live without you, I don’t want it…” 

“I can’t live with myself if I don’t try,” you whispered, pressing your forehead to his. “Please, Joel. I have to do this. I have to.” 

He made it obvious that he wasn’t a fan of the idea but he agreed to it, staying behind to take care of Sylvie and keep an eye on Ellie, who had started coming around again, more to see Joel than anything else. You hadn’t told her you were leaving or why. You didn’t want to get her hopes up in case something fell through or have her feel responsible for you choosing to go if something happened to you out there. But you left a note to her, Sylvie and Joel, just in case you didn’t make it home. Just to be safe. 

“Been a while since just you’n me got into trouble,” Tommy said as the gates closed behind you. “Should be fun.” 

“Whatever you say, Tommy the Commie,” you smirked. 

“Jesus,” he sighed. “Been how long and you’re still on that? Gotta get a new schtick, Kid.” 

You laughed. At least you got to go on this damned trip with one of your best friends.

The ride to Boise was uneventful and you made it in just five days. The Fireflies were about as happy to see you as you were to see them, holding the two of you at gunpoint as you rode up to the city. Tommy looked about as happy about it as Joel would be. 

“Dr. Miller,” Dr. Anderson said when you came to the hospital, giving you a stiff nod. “Can’t say I ever thought I’d see you again.” 

“Feeling’s mutual,” you said, standing up as straight as you could, jaw squared. “You tried to kill my daughter.” 

“And you kept me from saving the world for mine,” he said. “So I think we’re even.” 

The two of you struck up an uneasy working relationship, Tommy hovering like a body guard for the first week you were there but apparently trusting the Fireflies enough to not kill you for at least a few hours at a time. 

You’d brought some vials of Ellie’s blood with you, taken by one of the nurses at the clinic under the guise of running a few standard tests when she was sick with the flu weeks before. It took some time, but you were able to narrow down what you thought at least stopped the progression of cordyceps in her, even if it wouldn’t go as far as making someone immune. By late July, you’d developed an emergency injectable you thought would work to halt the progress of the cordyceps. Dr. Anderson distributed it to the Fireflies who were most likely to encounter infected. Then, it was a waiting game. 

It took three weeks to discover that it worked. A patrol was overwhelmed by infected and one man was bitten. They used the injectable at the bite and the spread stopped. He was rushed back to you and Dr. Anderson, where the two of you carefully extracted the cordyceps from his arm. 

“It’s not a cure,” you said after the man had been monitored for four days with no sign of infection. “But we can stop new infections.” 

“That’s a whole hell of a lot,” he nodded. “We can synthesize it, spread it. It’ll take a while but it’s a start. A start to getting our world back.” 

You were excited, of course. Thrilled that your idea had worked, that you’d been able to help begin to stop the suffering caused by infected. But mostly, you wanted to get home. You missed Joel, you missed Sylvie, you missed Ellie. You missed your life with them. You and Tommy left for Jackson the next day. 

The ride back to Jackson felt longer than the ride to Boise. Maybe it was because you were so ready to get home and because your husband and daughters felt so close but so far. By the time you got back, you all but jumped off your horse at the stables and ran home. 

“Joel?” You called as you pulled open the front door. You heard something clatter to the sink in the kitchen and he appeared in the doorway. 

“Baby,” he ran and grabbed you, clutching you close to him, almost knocking the air out of you. “Fuck, I’ve been so worried, I’ve missed you so much…” 

He sounded like he was on the verge of tears as he held you to him, kissing every part of you he could reach. 

“I missed you,” you held onto him, your fingers in his hair. “But we did it, Joel. We made something that can stop infection…” 

“I’m so proud of you,” he pulled back from you enough that he could kiss you. “But I care much more about you bein’ back than anything about infected…” 

You laughed at that. He went and got Sylvie from her seat in the kitchen, where she’d been coloring. 

“Mama!” She started squirming when she saw you, stretching and reaching. 

“Hi Baby Girl!” You took her from her father and tried to keep from crying. She was bigger now than you remembered, her hair longer. You held her to you and breathed her in, Joel pulling you both against him. 

“They didn’t have…” Ellie said, coming in the front door. You twisted to see her and you heard something clatter to the floor. “Mom!” 

She hurled herself at you, holding onto you tightly. 

“I’m so sorry,” she was crying. “I didn’t…” 

“No, Baby Girl,” you wrapped the arm not holding Sylvie around her and kissed her temple. “You were right, I should have done something with this so much sooner…” 

“I’m just so glad you’re back,” she said, burying her face in your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have said that shit, I’m so sorry…” 

“Just keep calling me Mom and you can say just about anything else you want,” you said, voice wet. She laughed. “I love you, Ellie. So much.”

“Love you, too.” 

October 5, 2029

The first time you heard a plane overhead, you instinctively ducked. The last time you’d heard that sound was the day of the outbreak, almost 25 years earlier, and a plane had almost come down on your head. 

You were walking home from the clinic and you ran the rest of the way to your house. 

“Joel!” You yelled the second you were in the door, but you didn’t have to go far to find him. He was sitting on the floor of your living room, playing with Sylvie. 

“Baby?” He frowned, a doll in his large hands as Sylvie held the bottle and sat on his lap. “What’s goin’ on, everything OK?” 

“There was a plane,” you said, breathless, eyes wide. “Overhead, outside. There’s a plane.” 

“A plane?” He raised his eyebrows. “You’re sure?” 

“Damn sure,” you said and then you laughed a little. “People are flying again. There was a fucking plane.” 

That was when you got your idea. It was probably a damned stupid idea but it was an idea. 

Maria and the rest of the council had been getting regular updates from the outside world since the drug had started being distributed. Things were changing, quickly. 

Now that traveling was safer, people started moving a bit more freely. Caravans started first, then train lines opened. It didn’t take long for FEDRA to fall and be replaced with a government more closely resembling the former United States. 

Now that there were planes running again, you imagined that meant things were stabilizing. And if things were stable - if people could travel across the country - maybe you could do the one thing you’d wanted to do since coming to Jackson: See if Andrew and Jess would join you. 

You missed them and Elizabeth and Jonah fiercely. They were still young enough that they could have a childhood here, that they could learn and grow and lead something close to a normal life here. 

Talking Maria and the council into it had been surprisingly simple. Jess’ psychology training would be a boon, adding more children to the community was welcome. And you got the impression that, after five years of treating the people here at the clinic, they wanted to do something for you. There was a train line that ran to Salt Lake City from Boston, and you radioed Andrew for the first time in almost five years. 

“Holy shit!” He said when Abe got him and put him on the line. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again, I have so much to tell you…” 

“I have a lot to tell you, too,” you said, trying not to cry at the sound of his voice. “But I wanted to ask… How attached are you and Jess to Boston? Feel like hopping on a train west and starting over? I promise, where I live? It’s worth it.” 

They came out a few months later and you were there, back in Salt Lake City with Joel and extra horses, meeting them. It was the second time you’d been reunited with someone you loved on your birthday. 

You recognized Elizabeth immediately as she jumped out of the carriage first, even though she was far taller now than she had been the last time you saw her. You had to stop yourself from crying. Jonah was next, then Jess, then Andrew. 

“Hey!” You started running for them. Andrew saw you then, dropping his pack and running for you, the two of you slamming into each other so hard you were sure Joel heard the thud. 

“I never thought I’d see you again,” he said as you clung to him. “Holy shit I missed you…” 

“I missed you, too,” you said, choked up. “So much has happened and I kept wanting to tell you fucking everything and I couldn’t and it sucked!” 

“Me too,” he laughed. “Me too.” 

It took you five days to make it back to Jackson, giving you plenty of time to catch up. Things got worse in Boston after you left. FEDRA’s grip tightened, life becoming more and more locked down. Andrew and Jess did everything they could for their children, trying to give them a normal life but there was only so much they could really do for them. They’d been looking for a place to go when you’d radioed. 

Andrew wasn’t shocked that you and Joel had ended up together. He was a little more surprised that you’d had a baby, though. 

“I’m so happy for you,” he said, looking a little teary. “You deserve it. You have for so long but I’m so glad you finally got what you wanted.” 

The house behind yours in Jackson was open and they moved in there. After giving them a few days to settle in, you invited them over for dinner and game night with the kids. There were so many people, your kitchen table had never seemed quite so small. You loved it. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” you said, hugging Andrew goodbye as his family left for the short walk back home. 

“Me too,” he said. “The codependency squad is back in the same place and all is right with the world.” 

You laughed and the two of you watched as Lizzy twirled with Sylvie on your back deck, Ellie playing guitar perched on the steps, Jonah watching her, enraptured. Joel put his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head against him as Jess slipped her hand into her husband’s. 

“See you around?” He asked. 

“Don’t think you’ve got another choice,” you smiled. 

Sylvie went down easy that night, worn out from playing with her newfound cousins. You could still hear the quiet chords as Ellie practiced guitar in her room.

“Night Ellie,” you called as you went to close your bedroom door. “Don’t stay up too late, guitar down soon.” 

“I’ll take it easy,” she called back. “Night Mom, night Dad.” 

“Can’t say I ever thought I’d be hosting a game night for anyone,” Joel said as you both climbed in bed and turned out the light. 

You laughed. 

“Me either,” you said. “Crazy what five years can do.” 

You snuggled up against him and he put his arm around you, kissing your cheek, working his way down to your jaw and then to your mouth. 

“What do you think you’re doing there, Mr. Miller?” You teased, your arm going around his waist. He was softer and thicker there now, but you liked it. A sign of the fact that he wasn’t struggling anymore, proof that he was still here to grow old with you, raise your daughters with you. 

“Gettin’ my hopes up, Mrs. Miller,” he said, voice low as his hand slipped below your tank top and found your breast, holding you gently, his thumb brushing your nipple. 

“Well, I wouldn’t want to let you down,” you smiled against his mouth and he pressed you closer. 

You hooked a leg over his hip and ground your aching core against his already hard length. It didn’t seem to matter that you were 50 years old now, that you’d first slept with him almost 30 years before, that he was there in your bed every night, you always seemed to want him and he always seemed to want you. 

He slipped the straps of your tank top down and off, tugging the fabric to the top of your shorts before kissing down your throat to your bare chest. He kissed along the curve of you there, his lips and tongue and teeth brushing along the tender flesh until he sucked your nipple into his mouth and moaned around you, teasing you with his tongue. You groaned and instinctively rocked your hips against nothing, already desperate and needy for him. He moved to your other breast, giving in the same treatment as he held the first one in his large hand, gently rolling your peaked nipple between his thumb and finger.  

“Joel,” you breathed, arching your back into him. 

“Someone sounds needy,” he breathed, pressing his lips to your sternum and kissing down your stomach - still soft from when you’d carried Sylvie years before. Joel had never seemed to mind. 

“I am,” you groaned as he tugged down your shorts and panties, taking the tank top with them, leaving you naked before him. “Fuck, I need you…” 

“Can’t let you go unsatisfied now, can we?” He asked, spreading your legs and settling between them. He put your thighs over his shoulders and he teased his tongue along your seam, curling it around your already swollen clit. He hummed in approval. 

“Taste fuckin’ delicious,” he said, licking you again. “Can’t believe this pussy is all mine…” 

“All yours, Joel,” you groaned as he pressed his tongue into your aching entrance, making you gasp. 

He ate you gently at first, his lips and tongue working with his fingers as they softly toyed with your clit. But your husband knew your body well, maybe better than you, and the second he could feel you starting to tighten around him, he was harsher, more eager. His beard scratched against your sensitive skin as he pressed his tongue deep, his nose against your clit as he swallowed up your wetness, two of his fingers hooking inside of you so that they plunged deep as his tongue pulled back, one always replacing the other so you got the delicious friction and push and pull without ever feeling empty. 

“Joel,” you panted, your fingers winding in his hair, your hips rocking against his face. You felt the edges of his mouth pull up but he didn’t slow his pace, not even as you exploded around him, your grip on his hair tightening. He ate at you until your orgasm eased and you were left, pliant and gasping for breath, below him. 

“That’s my girl,” he said, crawling up your body and wiping your slick on the back of his hand before he settled himself between your thighs. His thick, heavy length brushed against your dripping sex and he kissed you, tasting like toothpaste and your own cum. You looped your arms around his neck as he pressed just the head of himself into you, the stretch at your entrance delicious enough to make your back arch into him. 

“I want you,” you breathed when he pulled back from your lips enough for you to speak. “Please…” 

“Past wanting you,” he said, sliding himself into you inch by devastating inch. “Past needing you, too. Don’t think there’s a word for how much I want and need you, Baby…” 

You whimpered below him as he sank into your body until he was fully within you, your channel feeling so full and stretched but so damn satisfied. 

“Belong inside of you,” he leaned down to kiss your throat. “Made to be inside you…” 

You wanted to say something back but could only moan as he started to move inside you, his thick cock dragging along your inner walls, his head catching on every ridge of you as he worked his length within you. 

He started out faster and harder, your nails digging into his back, the air getting knocked out of you in little gasps with every snap of his hips. Your second orgasm was building fast and, when you began to tighten around him, he pressed as deep as he could reach, slowing is pace so you could feel every exquisite movement. 

“You’re gettin’ close,” he panted, hips moving slow and steady, pressing yours down into the bed so firmly you wondered if you were going to have a bruise in the morning. You didn’t care. “Can feel it, you always get so goddamn tight right before, Baby, love feelin’ you like this…” 

“Can’t help it,” you were keening below him, doing everything you could to take him deep. “You feel too good, Joel I can’t…” 

“Cum for me,” his whole body was covering yours, every inch of him against or within you. “Need to feel you, Baby, need to feel this pussy - my pussy - cum on me…” 

“Fuck!” You gasped as your walls fluttered around you and he let out a strangled moan as he fucked you through your orgasm. 

“That’s it, Baby,” he sounded almost choked up, straining to hold off his own orgasm for another minute. “Doing so good for me, takin’ me so well, feelin’ so goddamn good…” 

Your orgasm faded and he all put ripped himself from your body before pressing his cock head against your clit and spilling his seed over you there, his warm cum making your oversensitive, wrung-out nub throb. 

“Fuck Baby,” he collapsed next to you for a moment before he reached into his bedside table and grabbed a clean washcloth, reaching between your legs to wipe away the combination of his spend and your slick. “How are you always that fuckin’ incredible?” 

“If you were made for me then I was made for you,” you said, still catching your breath as you rolled to wrap around him. He pulled your naked body tightly to his own and dropped the washcloth on his nightstand, next to the candle you’d made the year before. It was lavender scented, made with oils taken from the plants you’d grown in your back yard. They came from the buds you’d taken from Bill and Frank’s when you first headed west. You’d made several of the candles, liking the fact that the smell helped reduce stress and anxiety. You, Joel and Ellie had seen enough of that in your lives.

Your mind drifted as you lay in your husband’s arms. You drifted through the past 30 years of your lives, the pain of deep loss, the profound connection to the people you’d come to love, the life you’d built with Joel in Jackson. You thought of your daughters that were here with you and the daughters you lost - Sarah and your unborn child. You’d started picturing her as a girl, always a girl. Joel, you were certain, was built for raising incredible girls. He’d done it with Sarah and now he was doing it with Ellie and Sylvie, too. He’d have done that with the baby you lost, too. You could feel it. That feeling hurt less now with Joel beside you.

You thought of Joel playing guitar in your living room, next to the pictures of Sarah and Tess and a sketch you’d made of Ellie and Sylvie. You thought of the way he called you and Ellie and Sylvie “his girls” as though you were everything that mattered to him. You thought of the way that, even as he’d fought to push you away for so long, you kept finding each other again and again because there was something inside of you both that was always reaching for the other. You were made for him and he was made for you. Of that, you were certain. 

His lips found the top of your head, his hands splayed wide over your back as he held onto you. 

“Love you, Baby,” he whispered in the dark. “More than anything. Always have, always will.” 

“Always love you, Joel,” you whispered back. “Until the day I die.” 

You drifted off to sleep in his arms, in your home with the family you’d built with the man you were always meant to find. He was yours, you were his and you were happy.

A/N: I can't believe it's over! I sincerely hope you are happy with where Joel, Doc and Ellie wound up in Jackson. They're finally all at a point where they can do more than survive, they can thrive together, just like they were always meant to.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you times a million for reading this story. Your kindness, love and support have meant so much as I've written this piece. I don't think it's possible to thank you enough for that, so I'll just say it again: Thank you.

If you've ever liked a chapter, commented, reblogged, anything at all, please know that I appreciate you. Every notification I got on this fic made me smile. You helped make this journey an absolute joy.

I did start a new fic, called Yearling. It's another TLOU Joel fic and you can find it here.

I'm not great at goodbyes so I'll just say this: See you around. I hope you'll join me on another adventure one day. Until then, take care of yourselves, spread some kindness and share love when you can. I love you all!

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[4ranghaes]

lee riwoo x reader [fluff, fem!mum!reader, dad!riwoo]

a/n - i have headcanons for kids for all of boynextdoor so this is me actually just working through them lmaooo

00:49 - riwoo blinked his eyes open, rubbing sleep out of them quickly as he sat up, grabbing the moses basket that was propped next to your shared bed and rocking it gently.

“did i do it in time?” he whispered, hearing your body turn towards him, looking round to see your big eyes staring up at him.

you hummed with a shrug, waiting for the familiar sound of your eldest daughter’s tiny feet padding towards your bedroom. but it didn’t come. “maybe!”

riwoo sighed peacefully, too pre-occupied with not having woken up his first daughter that he forgot he was dealing with the second. wooseul’s crying started again, this time in wails instead of whimpers, her little body wriggling around the bassinet in a fuss.

both you and riwoo winced, your husband quickly pulling wooseul up into his arms and rocking her gently, your tiniest daughter almost immediately finding peace in knowing she wasn’t alone.

“baby i’m coming!” your eldest daughter’s voice rang through the house.

you chuckled, sighing as you got out of bed, “yuri, it’s okay, baby. wooseul’s going back to sleep now.”

“she was crying!” the five-year-old exclaimed, pushing through your legs, where you stood in the doorway, finally reaching her dad as he held her little sister.

yuri had the biggest heart you’d ever seen in a five-year-old. she was patient and kind with everyone she met, always wanting to greet strangers on the street or lend a helping hand when she could. it was a blessing, until her little sister came along. now, you could only wish she’d be a little more indifferent.

“yuri-ah, it’s okay,” riwoo soothed, stroking his daughter’s long, messy bed hair out of her face, “look, come here.”

he patted the space on the bed next to him, yuri waisting no time with climbing on and leaning against him to take a look.

“look at her face,” he said, pulling wooseul’s tiny body out of the protective hold of his own, displaying the 2-month-old to her older sister. “she’s already asleep, right? she’s okay! she just wanted to be held.”

yuri nodded, looking curiously at the baby in her dad’s arms, “okay, daddy.”

“so you don’t need to be running in here every time she cries, okay?” riwoo said, gently laying wooseul back into her bassinet, and instead pulling yuri into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

yuri yawned, relaxing into her dad’s hold, “okay daddy.”

riwoo smiled, lifting yuri up and carrying her back into her own bedroom, laying her down in her big-girl bed.

“i love you, peach,” he whispered, kissing her forehead as she closed her eyes, too tired to fight for more stories or songs, “thank you for helping.”

you watched riwoo come back down the hallway with a shake of your head, “don’t thank her, or she’ll keep coming!” you whisper-yelled.

riwoo laughed, swatting you away, “you stop spying on me.” you bit back a laugh, getting back into bed and watching your husband do the same, pulling you into his arms with a sigh, “sleep now. she’ll be waking up in approximately 5 hours, anyway.”

you groaned, crashing your head into his chest. riwoo laughed, “i know, i know.”

[aashi-heartfilia]

Everything you need to know about MHA's INTERNATIONAL POPULARITY POLL

(with link to vote)

So, as we all know, MHA has ended after 10 years of its serialisation and to celebrate it, an international popularity poll is being held in which everyone can vote!! No matter who you are, or where you live. Anyone in the whole world can vote for their favourite HERO/VILLAIN.

YES, YOU CAN VOTE TOO!!

This poll will take place in two stages: MAIN STAGE and PLUS ULTRA STAGE.

Main Stage:

The MAIN STAGE will go for about two months, starting from August 5, 2024 to September 30, 2024. Meaning each person, no matter who you are, gets around 56-57 votes in total that started voting from day 1, but that's okay even if you came to know about it right now.

It is 13th August today, so you should still have around 49 votes remaining to vote for your favourite HERO/VILLAIN (Depending upon your Time Zone)

RESULT ANNOUNCEMENT:

Mid-term result announcement: September 1, 2024

Final Results announcement: 2nd December, 2024

RULES:

The rules are pretty simple:

You can vote once per day.

The right to vote resets after each day at midnight according to JST(Japanese Standard Time).

REWARDS:

Summary: The 1st place will get an entire movie to celebrate its win (which will probably be Bakugo, until and unless a miracle happens). The characters in 1st, 2nd and 3rd position will move to PLUS ULTRA STAGE, which is a 24 hour poll (more on that later). And last but not least, a new illustration by our dear Horikoshi sensei to celebrate the 1st to 10th places, like how he does for every popularity poll.

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Link to participate:

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PLUS ULTRA STAGE:

Summary: It is a 24 hours limited edition championship 🏆 to decide the best HERO/VILLAIN. The TOP 3 characters from the MAIN STAGE will compete here. Here, your VOTE gets renewed PER HOUR. The winner of the Plus Ultra Stage will also get an amazing ILLUSTRATION by Horikoshi sensei and it will be used to create a BRONZE STATUE for the winner. RULES are as follows:

Voting Period: 2nd Dec, 2024 (8 pm) to 3rd Dec, 2024 (7:59pm) JST

Result Announcement:

Same day, 9:30 pm (i.e. Tuesday, 3rd Dec, 2024)

So, with all that being said, I hope this helps! Let's vote for our favourites and make them win! Also spread this news among as many anime fans as you can and enjoy!

~Thanks for reading~

Sunshine

[boilingheart]

Hi there! My name's Mimi, I'm 25, and I'm struggling financially at the moment due to inconsistent and cut hours at work. I'm having a hard time making ends meet, especially now that I'm attempting to pursue an English degree at school, and need some help paying for food, my darling cat's medical expenses, and repairs for my beloved 2008 Honda Civic.

I need a total of $1180 to break even while I try to sort myself out and get a different job to make ends meet. Here's how the money will be used:

IMMEDIATE

$250 Food expenses

$40 N95s to go to school comfortably

The first ~$300 will be used to feed my family, since we're currently food insecure.

Once that's secure, I'll be able to focus on our one year old kitty Miko, a rescue calico who showed up at our doorstep one day sick and weak, and has become part of our home. Though we were able to treat her scabies and other issues at first, we ran out of money to get her all of her shots, and I haven't been able to pay for it yet. I want to get her vaccinated as soon as possible, as I've put it off way too long.

CAT FEES

$49 Check up

$30 FVRCP shot

$24 Rabies shot

$50 test Feline Leuk/AIDS

$27 Leuk/AIDS Vaccine

My darling 2008 Honda Civic is pretty great, but I don't have the money for the oil change, and my tires are old and can't hold any air pressure in them, so I need to get them replaced. I live in the desert, which sees temps over 100F/38C consistently in the Summer, and I don't have a working A/C. I don't know what exactly is wrong with it, so I don't have a real estimate on the costs just yet, but I know I want it to get repaired as soon as possible.

CAR FEES

$70 oil change

$240 new tires

$400 A/C repair (guesstimate)

$??? Air Intake Resonator repair

A piece of my car fell out after a fender bender called the Air Intake Resonator. I... don't know how it fell out, and I don't know how much it'll cost to get it put back in or replaced. I think it will be very expensive. Because I don't have a quote, I haven't added it to the total I'm raising for here, but it's in the back of my mind. It's safe to drive without it for now, but it might do damage over time. If anyone has any advice about the air intake resonator, please let me know!

-

Any and all help is appreciated right now. Thank you all so much for supporting me <3 I'll also be opening up commissions at some point soon to try and help make up some expenses, so keep an eye out for that!

UPDATE

$1,165/$1,180 raised!!!

Though it's not technically complete, that's basically everything! Thank you all SOOOOO MUCH for the help! I got my A/C fixed, Miko got all her stuff set up, just waiting on a final appointment in September, and I was able to get groceries for this month! Thank you! I just need to go out and get my new tires, and we're SET!!! THANK YOU GUYS!!

[delillilah]

Fictober Day 1 🤎

Candles -Quinn Hughes

September 29th, 2024

5:49 pm

Ever since the first leaf fell off the tree in Vancouver Canada, y/n has been in fall mode. The temperature still averages 20°C but that’s not stopping her from dragging Quinn to target for fall decor.

“Babe, you know fall last until October.. right?” Quinn asks when he gets in the drivers seat.

“I know but-”

“The good candles will all be gone- you’ve mentioned, but we still have like 50 from last year” he answers, but still continues to drive the girl to target.

“exactly.. from last season. Most are half burned or I don’t like them anymore” he chuckles and reaches over to grab her hand, then places her knuckles on his lips.

2 hours later

“How bout this one” she holds up another candle to his face to which he didn’t even take breath before he says “meh”. With a sigh, she puts the candle down knowing Quinn hid getting tired, but she just wanted his input on what the apartment smelt like for the next 2 months. “This one?” She picks up the candle again and puts it to his nose but this time he nods his head “yea I like that one”

“It’s the same candle dumbass” she huffs and puts it in the cart then pushes it out of the aisle.

“Baby, falls not running away from you, we have to do all this I don’t think we needed to after my 4 hour practice” he says softly and walks beside her with an arm around her back.

“I’m sorry, I just get excited”

“I know you do”

“But in my defence we live in Vancouver.. it could snow next week” she says and they begin to pay.

“You’re not wrong” the captain chuckles and pays For the decorations and they exit the store only for it to feel like 25°.

“Fuck me” she mutters.

“What was that?” Quinn asks with a smirk, she pushes him away and speeds off to the car while he laughs and follows close behind.

“Are you happy with your candles?” He asks and starts the vehicle.

“Maybe, i wann go buy more tho. I know you don’t like spending your money on useless things”

“Baby id buy you 1,000 candles if it meant your happy. Now let’s go home so you can burn them all”

She smiles and holds his hand the whole way home, hoping he never finds the bin that’s in the top of her closet, full of at least 40 something candles.

A Week Later!

The apartment is fully decorated which means that y/n has deep cleaned the whole place and moved things around, including Quinn’s sunglasses which he really needs for driving.

“Maybe check the closet? I’m sorry I really need to go babe. I love you” she kissed him goodbye and ran out the door for work, while he was on his hunt for the sunglasses.

Minutes after his search started, it shortly ended and when he found them on top of a bright blue box, which he had never seen before.

“How have I missed this?” He asks himself and pulls down the box, which was decently heavy.

“What the… candle” he whispers as he sees tons of them in one box.

Swiftly pulling out his phone and calling his fiancée.

babe 💗💐

I’m cutting you off from candles

Why?

oh, you found the box…

Happy Fic-tober day 1!

[goldenchocobo]

Kingdom Hearts Tamagotchi Adventures

So, I got the Kingdom Hearts Tamagotchi for my birthday this year. and it was only in September that I decided to activate it (I was hesitant because I know Tamagotchi can be needy and can't be turned off). So here's my so-far roughly one month journey!

Here he is- Base Sora on day 1. I took care of him, played games, and generally fiddled about with what I could do. This was my first ever Tamagotchi, so it was a new experience to me. You fight Shadow Heartless, Dusk Nobodies and Flood Unversed occasionally with the tap of the 'A' button. They didn't happen super frequently so I was fine fending them off.

Unfortunately things didn't go well. I became ill with stomach flu the night after. The manual says it takes roughly 49 hours for Sora to change/evolve. and well...

When I was able to move again... I woke up to... uh... Heartless Sora. Everything remained the same, except the food and treat (Paopu and Icecream) turned into Heart and !. Heart being that you well- fed him hearts, and ! meaning he attacked you (I think... he vanished then appeared closer and waved his arms about). I felt really bad that my first Tamagotchi basically 'died' because of things I couldn't control. But I enjoyed my time with Heartless Sora; and after a few days, Kairi found him and saved him! Very cute 2 bit scene. Back to Normal Sora. I found an issue. You see... I'm more nocturnal; and this Tamagotchi... wasn't. He woke up at 9AM and slept at 10PM; meaning he didn't get the right care from me.. but I figured I could change the time to suit me- and did. Now he wakes up at 12PM and sleeps at 2AM- same as me. Next evo was a surprise! Sora introduced me to (and trusted me to care?) Riku!

This was when I found out each character/evo has different sleeping schedules. Riku would sleep late and wake late (I'm thankful it wasn't early due to the whole Dawn motif because I didn't want to change the clock too much again). They also have their own unique cutscenes, with Riku primarily featuring Mickey. Not much happened, and I showed Riku to Riku(My Riku... the cockatiel- named after... Riku). But He left and Sora returned. At this point I wanted to aim for Roxas- or Ventus (I'm sad there's no Vanitas). So I miiight have looked up a quick wiki to see how to get the characters. "Wow that's cheating" you might say.. and yeah- probably... the issue is that I didn't get Roxas.

Instead, Sora 'grew up' into KHII Sora. I was interested to see what kind of outfit or character I could get to show up, so I continued with normal care.

On the 28th of September... Sora.. ever the festive fellow...

Donned his Santa outfit.

I found it kinda funny, but kept him up with Normal care. I was starting to forget him (I got a little drawer handle I put him on during the evening on my right hand ride next to my monitor, and during the day he's on the couch arm- I don't take him out because I'm scared I'll lose the Tamagotchi somewhere). So He was getting upset/hungry; but if he beeped I knew he needed something. He Unlocked/locked the Keyhole to Halloween/Christmas Town, then flew off in the Gummiship, returning as Normal Sora. After 49 hours, he once again reintroduced me to Riku. having forbidden knowledge, I knew I could turn Riku into Dark Riku. and tried.

I. Felt. Awful.

I know they're just 2bit pixelart on the screen... but Riku has a special place in my heart (I named my grumpy, gay cockatiel after him!) so me... just basically neglecting Riku? it hurt :(

After this. He did not turn into Dark Riku. He left. just straight-up.

Sora flew back in on the Gummiship and my quest to get Roxas/Ventus continued.

But I was surprised when I came back after an outing to find... Sora turned into a fish

Wiki says he's from 'Bad care', but I don't remember giving him subpar treatment, and catering to what he wanted- so I'm baffled. He did come with an Aerial/Sebastian scene, though- so that was cute. He didn't stay for long and locked Atlantica's Keyhole, returning as Basic Sora.

Again- I tried to get Roxas, but instead got KHII Sora again; so I thought I could maybe get Axel or Xion; since they're included in the KHII evo list.

Nope. Christmas Sora again. Oh well- He does love Christmas.

I'll update this if I get anything interesting. I know you can get Xehanort- I recognised his Silhouette on the manual, so maybe I'll get him one day.

I'm still waiting on Roxas..