#amazing how 4 episodes can make a girl lose her MIND

[thebirdandhersong]

NO ONE TOUCH ME TRUE LOVE ISN'T RANDOM IT'S CHOOSING TO LOVE SOMEONE BEFORE YOURSELF IT'S SELF SACRIFICIAL LOVE IT'S LOVING SOMEONE MORE THAN YOU LOVE YOURSELF IT'S SAYING THIS HOLE IS NOT YOUR GRAVE I AM GOING TO GO DOWN INTO THE DARKNESS FOR YOU AND CARRY YOU OUT

[justwhisperingfantasies]

Girl At The Rockshow Part 3

Characters: Jensen Ackles (xreader). Aunt Patty (o.c)  Jared Padalecki. Genevieve Padalecki.

Warnings: Language, Fluff,  Talk about losing loved ones. LMK If I forgot any.

Summary: Getting dragged to that live show might have been the best thing that ever happened to you. Now you get to spend the day with Jensen as he shows you around Austin. 

Word count: 6,009 words

A/N: When you get to the question part. Some of his are true (found them via interviews and panels.) some are just for story purposes. I tried to do (insert answer) for reader answers, but it just kept taking me out of the story. Hope ya'll enjoy 💗

Part 1

Part 2

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{} Reader’s P.O.V {}

“I get to drive Baby?!” You said standing there. 

“Yes ma’am,” He said 

“Are you sure? What would Dean say?”  

He chuckled. “ I think he would make an exception for you.” He shook the keys at you. “ You better take them before I change my mind.” You smiled, took the keys, and hopped in. He walked around and got into the passenger seat. 

“So what if I wreck? What if I break her?” He opened his mouth to rebuttal but you cut him off. “ What if I hit a cow and total it?” 

He laughed. “If you see a cow the break is right.” He grabbed your leg and put your foot on the pedal. “There. I think you’re capable of not wrecking and she doesn’t break easy.” You turned the key and Baby hummed to life. “ There’s a bar under the seat to move it up.” He helped you scoot the seat into the right position. “Don’t worry darlin’ you got this.” He slapped your knee for encouragement then wrapped his hand around your thigh. You put the car in reverse and look behind you to make sure you can start backing up. “ Go out the way we came in and turn right on the main road. Who would you rather have as your navigator me or Siri?”

“You, but you have to sing the directions.” He chuckled.  

You made it to the stop sign at the main road turning right when you were clear. You hit the gas pedal a little too hard and the tires squealed for a second. Your cheeks got warm. “Sorry.”

He laughed. “Easy there turbo. I thought you were trying not to break her.” 

“I'm sure I’m not the first to squeal her tires.” 

“Fair enough.” He grinned. “You’re gonna go straight through 4 lights. At the 5th one turn left.”  You gave him a nervous look. “Don’t worry I’ll remind you before you get there.” He turned the radio up and started belting out the lyrics to Back in Black making you smile as you went through the first light. The second one was red as you came up on it. You were more careful with the gas pedal this time as you started to go. You made it to the 3rd light. Red again. 

“Do you intentionally pick the streets with the most red lights on them?”

He chuckled. “Trust me, I feel the same way you do.” Back in Black faded out and The Dance by Garth Brooks starts to play. You turn the volume up a smidge and start singing along. “ You know Garth Brooks?!?” He said shocked. 

“Yes. I like country music too Ackles.”  

He grabbed his chest like he was in pain. “My heart!!’” He smiled. 

You smiled back at him. His thumb started to stroke your leg as you both sang along. The light finally turned green and you started to go.”So Mr. Ackles.” He looked at you with raised eyebrows. “ Why acting?” you said in your best reporter voice. 

“Oh, didn’t know I had an interview today,” He smirked, “ Well, My father is an actor. He played in a few Dallas episodes, and 5 episodes of Walker Texas Ranger, and he did some supporting roles in movies. I used to watch him study the script and help him memorize his lines. I was amazed. How he could flip a switch and just be another person. I did some modeling and commercials when I was young. Got bullied for it so I took a break, and got really into sports. The plan was to go to Texas Tech University and become a physical therapist. Ya know help out my fellow jocks,” he chuckled. “ I loved sports. Still do, but it just wasn’t the same. My real passion was acting. So my sophomore year I decided I didn't care what everyone thought. I took a theater class.” You made it to the 5th light ”Left at this light sweetheart” you got in the turn lane and waited. “After this light straight through 2 lights, over the bridge, then go under the train tracks.”

“2 Lights over water under the train tracks. Got it.  

 He smiled and continued his story. “ After I graduated I moved to L.A to pursue it fully. Started auctioning and landed a couple of guest spots. Then my big break was on Days Of Our Lives.” You looked over at him with wide eyes. He put his hand up “Shush I learned a lot on that set. I did Dark Angel, Dawson’s Creek, and Smallville. Got to do a movie with my dad in 2005 right before Supernatural.” He turned back to you “Why Med school?”

The light turned green and you rolled forward as the traffic started to go. “Well, My father was a surgeon so it was determined before I was even born that I was to follow in his footsteps.” You glanced at him out of the corner of your eye. You had his undivided attention “I wasn’t all in until one night when I was 14 my dad and I were coming home from a baseball game. There was a bad crash and He didn’t hesitate he rushed in and started triaging people and helping them while I dialed 911. It was amazing. I even got to help out after the operator told me help was on the way. After watching him there wasn’t a doubt in my mind. I wanted to be just like him, a hero, saving people.”

 “ Your pop sounds like quite a guy” 

“ Oh, He was.” The smile left his face. “You should have seen him on the day I got my acceptance letter from Columbia. He was so proud. Same premed program he went through ya know.” You made it through both lights green, you started on the bridge. “ The 3rd week into premed he was killed by a drunk driver.”

“What year was that?” 

“August 23rd, 2005.”

“Yeah, 2 weeks before. So after that, I immersed myself in school. Nothing else mattered” You started under the train tracks

“And now I feel like a complete jackass.”

“Don’t feel that way, hun. You didn't know.” you put your hand on top of his. He turned his hand over and laced his fingers through yours. “ But directions might be nice.”

“Shit sorry, straight 2 lights. Right at the 3rd.” He looked at you 

You could feel his question in the air and the silence was getting overwhelming. “You can ask why I didn't go through with it..” He looked at you with furrowed brows. “ Yea like you weren't thinking it?”

“Maybe. So what happened?” 

You got to the 2nd light before you hit a red light. “ So, I got my bachelor’s degree, passed the MCATS, Got through medical school, and during my internship, I talked my mom into moving to New York. We got closer than ever.” you took a deep breath, “ My second year of residency she got sick and didn’t make it.” The light turned green and you started to go. She was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical cancer. I lost all motivation for medicine and everything that went along with it.”

“I can take over if you wanna pull over.”

“Thank you, but I’m ok,” you said, turning at the 3rd light. He looked over at you with questioning eyes. “Seriously I’m ok.” 

“Watch out for pedestrians up here. Straight through 4 stop signs. Left at the light. Then straight through one light. Right at the second.” He was quiet for a minute. “I'm sorry about your folks, sweetheart.”

“Thank you.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?”

“Um, no way. This might be the only time I get to drive this car.”

“Not if I can help it.” He winked at you, and you smiled. You made it past the pedestrian stop signs “ What was your mama like?” 

“She was my best friend. After she moved to New York I swear she decreased in age. More like my sister than my mom. She was crazy.” You said with a smile on your face.” you stopped at the first stop sign and went through it. “You’ll probably like this one. One of the biggest Cowboy fans you’d ever meet.”

“Oh yeah?” 

You nodded.  “She always told my dad she was gonna leave him for Troy Aikman.” He chuckled. “ Everyone tells me I look just like her. Their wedding photo is on my lock screen. You handed him your phone as you stopped at the second stop sign then continued. 

“Aw. You do look just like her.” You smiled. “ They are beautiful”

“Thank you.” You smiled at him as you stopped for the third stop sign. He was so cute. Not just in a physical way. He was genuine and such a nice guy. You thought to yourself, You just hoped this wasn’t too good to be true. 

“What?”

“Oh, Nothing.” You said as you went through the intersection. 

He shook his head and chuckled. “So you ever think about going back into medicine?”

Stopping at the 3 cars deep at the 4th stop sign you sighed. “ I don’t know. Mac mentioned it a couple of times. I’m not gonna lie, I have thought about it. It would be nice for my job to mean something to someone, but if I were going to I would become a Physician assistant maybe. To become a surgeon I’d have to finish the resident years, then go through a surgical internship then a lot of testing for board certifications and licensing. I’m too old for all that. If I did I would just want to jump in and do it.” You looked at him as you stopped at the crosswalk. He was smiling at you now. “What?”

“You’re cute when you ramble.”

“Not rambling, thinking out loud,” you said in a mocking tone. He laughed.  You went through the intersection, You made it through the 3 lights green as you both sang along with the music. 

“Don’t hate me. Straight through 7 red lights.” He said wrinkling his face. 

“SEVEN?!” 

“Yes.”

“Oh my freaking gosh. I’m going to die of starvation Jensen.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make a deal and bring you back.” You let out a loud dramatic sign. He chuckled. You made it through 4 lights green. “See that wasn’t so bad.”

“I'm sorry I couldn’t hear you over the growls of my empty ass stomach.” He laughed and slightly threw his head back. You made it to the last light before you got stopped again. 

“Almost there, I promise. Tell me. Who's your favorite country singer of all time?’

“Randy Travis” you didn't even have to think about it. 

“Really?”

“Absolutely. His voice is incredible!”  You said as the light turned green and traffic started to go.”You?”

“Garth Brooks.”

“I see that. I saw him live once with Mac.”

“Oh yeah? Me too, not with Mac thou.”

“I’m sure she’d be interested if you want me to set it up.” He squinted at you “I’m just sayin.” 

He rolled his eyes. “I think you and Padalecki would get along. You both got some dumb jokes.” you chuckled. “Right at the next road and it's the first building on the right. Uh, how are you at parallel parking?” You squinted at him now, turned right, and parked with ease. You turned to him and stuck your tongue with a wrinkled nose. He laughed. 

 “This is Paperboy.” He said with excitement in his voice. “One of my favorite breakfast/ brunch places in Austin.” You turned the car off and got out. He met you at his side of the front of the Impala. He held his arm out. You took his hand and wrapped his arms around your shoulders while wrapping your around his waist. He grinned. The building was cute, a white building with a funky brown lattice. A small patio by the front door and the second floor was an open patio as well. You stopped at the hostess stand and he asked for an upper patio table. “Of course Mr. Ackles.” The hostess grabbed 2 menus. “Will Mr Padalecki be joining you two today?”

“Nope. Just the two of us.”

“Alright, follow me.” Once you got to the stairs he unwrapped his arm and gestured for you to go first. You followed her up the stairs to the patio. She sat you at a shaded table in the back corner. You pick your chair and Jensen sits across from you.  “Patty Sue will be right with you. 

“Thank you,” you both said as you started to look over the menu. 

“So, what looks good?”  You looked up at him up and down raising an eyebrow. He chuckled as his cheeks got slightly pink. “On the menu darlin’.”

“Well, I'm just so hungry everything looks good.”

“Aww you poor little thing.”  He said in a playful tone making you laugh.

“Hello, my name is Patty Sue. Oh Jensen, How are you dear?”

“Hi, Aunt Patty. I’m good. How’s your day going?” 

“Ya know this place is busy as always.” 

“Aunt Patty this is (y/n). She’s new here in Austin and I got the honor of showing her around today.”

“Hey there sugar.” you shook her hand. “What have ya’ll been up to?

“We just got done canoeing at Barton.”

“Aw, how fun, Are you enjoying Austin so far?”

“It has some good attractions.” you winked at Jensen and he smiled his bedazzling smile again. 

“Well. Ya’ll probably worked up an appetite, Wanna start with some drinks?”

“Just sweet tea for me please,” you said 

“Make it two.”

“I’ll be right back guys.”

“Thank you, Aunt Patty,” he said as she turned to walk away. He sat his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hands.”So, what’s next (y/n)?” 

“I don’t know. You said you had a mini round trip planned.” 

He chuckled. “No, for you. Job, car, Boyfriend?” He raised his eyebrow at the last word. And your cheeks got warm. 

“Well remember how I said Mac has mentioned medicine a couple of times?” He nodded. “The first time we talked about it I told her what I told you. About being a P.A. The second time she brought it up she just so happened to run into Erica. Erica and I interned at the same hospital. And can you believe they have an opening in their office?”

“Let me guess for a Physician assistant.”

“Oh my gosh, it’s like your psychic.” He smirked. 

“Here’s your drinks my dears.” Patty said sitting down your teas.” What can I get ya to eat?” Jensen gestured for you to go first. 

“Can I get the steak and egg sandwich with a side of cheesy hashbrowns, please?”

“You sure can honey, Jay you want your usual?”

“Please” 

“Alright, I’ll get that in for ya.”

“Thank you,” you both said again. And you smiled. 

“So, you gonna call Erica about it?” he asked taking a drink.

“Like I said I’ve thought about it and it would be nice to feel like I’m doing something that matters.” you took a drink “Mmm this sweet tea is amazing.”

“Just wait till you have the food.” He smiled. Then he readjusted his hand.” So, I’m not pushing, but I think you should.”

“I know. I just don’t want my mama to feel like I betrayed her. Since ya know medicine failed her.”

“Sweetheart. I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting your mama, but I don’t think she would feel betrayed at all.”

“That’s what Mac said.”

“See 2 against 1,” he said and you smiled. “You could give it a try and if your heart is not there try something else.”

“You make some good points, Ackles.”

“I usually do,”  he said in a smartass tone, making you laugh.

“So, What lies ahead for the famous Jensen Ackles, Big movie? Starring in another TV show? Supernatural reboot?” you used your reporter voice again. You grinned and took another drink.

“Stop.” He said smiling. “ I would actually love to do a Supernatural reboot, but I can’t confirm nor deny if I’m ever going to get to. I’m gotta fly to Vancouver here in a couple of days and shoot this episode for Tracker. Should only take a couple of weeks max. Waiting on a call from Kripke about shooting the final season of The Boys. And Countdown should start later this year. We’ll see,”

“How exciting.” again in the reporter's voice. 

“Would you stop?” he grinned. 

“Ok, I’m done.”

“Here we are, guys.” Patty came back carrying your food. “Everything looks good?” You both nod. “Anything else I can get for ya?’

“No, This looks great. Thank you.” Jensen said as he started mixing the egg and steak tips on his plate. 

“No problem Dear. Yell if ya’ll need anything ok?”

“Will do” you said as she walked away. “Well that looks delicious,” you say looking at his plate. He chuckles stabbing a piece of steak with his fork and reaches it over to you. “Mmm,” 

“I am going tomorrow morning to pick up a car from the dealership,” you said after swallowing and picking up your sandwich. 

He swallowed his food. “So what was next?” He smiled his bedazzling smile. Your cheeks got hot and you could feel them turning red. You took a bite of your sandwich pointed to your full mouth and shrugged. He laughed “ Ya gotta swallow eventually.” You cough almost choking as your mind takes his comment in a dirty way. He smiled. “Perv.”  you raised your eyebrows and dropped them with smirking lips. The food was amazing though. You would definitely be coming back here. 

“ More sweet tea?” Patty asked walking over. 

You swallowed your bite. “Yes please.” Jensen nodded with his mouth full. 

“So her question you’ll answer,” he said after swallowing his bite. 

“I’m sorry i just have to get something in my stomach after stopping at all those red lights.” 

He laughed “So dramatic.” You smiled and continued eating. Patty was back in a flash with 2 more teas. As you finish your food you debate in your head about the P.A job and Jensen’s boyfriend question popped up a couple of times. Was he crazy? You haven’t even known each other for 24 hours yet? But it’s not like he was asking to be your boyfriend more like a Are you open to the thought. Were you open to the thought? “Penny for your thoughts darlin’,”

His voice snapped you out of your head. “I’m gonna call Erica about that job tomorrow.”

“Yeah?” He smiled. “ You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll take your advice if I don’t love it, I’ll try something else.”

“Good.”

 You both finished eating and Patty came to clear your plates. “Anything else for you guys?”

“Nope. I am stuffed.”

“No Aunt Patty just the check please,” Jensen said.

“Ackles?” He turned around as soon as he heard his name. 

“Oh my god! It’s Jared Padalecki!!” And let out a squeal. Jensen stood up to hug his friend. “ And Genevieve Padalecki?!” He squealed again. “(y/n) he played Sam Winchest.. oh wait never mind.”

You rolled your eyes. “And I’m the dramatic one?!” You stood up and stuck your hand out. “I’m (y/n)”

Jared laughed and took your hand. “I’m Jared. This is my wife Genevieve.” 

“You can call me Gen.” She said as you shook hands. 

“So… Whatcha ya’ll up to?” Jared asked Jensen with raised eyebrows and a huge grin. 

“ You’ll have to excuse my friend,” Jensen said to you and turned to Jared. “ (y/n) Just moved here. I met her last night at the radio company show. I’m showing her around Austin.

“So, like a date?” Jared asked. Jensen rolled his eyes. 

“Jared quit,” Gen elbowed his stomach. 

“We just finished, but do you guys wanna sit down?” you asked them.

“No, we don’t wanna impose,” Jared said.

“No imposition, Give me the dirt Padalecki.” You said and Jensen glared at you. You raised your eyebrows and shrugged. “What? You said we’d get along.”

“Really?! “ Jared turned to Jensen.

“Yeah, you both tell dumb jokes. I think that is what I said.” Jensen admitted. 

“Are you sure?” Gen asked. 

“Sit down, Genevieve,” Jensen said. You all sat down. Jensen looked at you and raised his eyebrows and licked his lips.” Jared, get this shit. (y/n) has never seen Supernatural.” Your lips went in a hard straight line as you looked at him with a blank stare. He poked the tip of his tongue out at you.

“Are you kidding?’ Jared turned to you. “How have you never seen Supernatural?”

“Oh I don’t know, just not my thing I guess” You took a drink. Jared opened his mouth to say mouth, but stopped when you put your finger up “However, Gilmore Girl though. So good. Dean Forester seems so much better than Dean Winchester.” You smirked at Jensen with a wrinkled nose. Gen and Jared laughed.

“I like her Ackles.” 

Patty brought your check back. “ Well look what the cat drug in.” Jared and Gen got up to hug Patty. “ How are you two? How are the babies?”

“We are all good Aunt Patty,” Jared said as he squeezed her. “Hey. We’re gonna let ya’ll get back to it. See you later Jensen.” Jensen got up and hugged Jared. You got up to shake his hand, but before you knew it you were in his embrace. You squeezed him back. “It was really good to meet you. I hope we see you again.”  

Gen stuck her hand out. “Again sorry about him. It was really nice to meet you though.” She said with a smile. 

“You guys too.” You said with a big grin. They turned and started walking to their table. You sat back down. 

Patty laid your check in the middle of the table “ I better get his food going. We all know how he eats.” Jensen chuckled. “ Ya’ll have fun and (y/n) don’t be a stranger.” you smiled at her. 

 “Your friend is a goober,” you said to Jensen after Patty walked away.

“I’m sorry have you met your friends?” You both laughed, 

You snatched the check folder. Jensen’s jaw dropped and his eyes went wide. “Uh I think the fuck not!” he put his hand out. You slowly shook your head with a wide grin. He took a deep breath closing his eyes and loudly sighed. He raised his hand then dropped it again palm up. “Now!”

“Or what?” you bit your bottom lip

His eyebrows raised. And he brought his first to his chin resting it on his thumb and closed his eyes. “(y/n)” He said in a deep growl.

“Jensen” You lowered your voice as much as you could. He smiled for a split second then his face was hard again.

He quickly slid to the chair beside you and put his hand on your knee. You manage to keep your composure. “Last chance.” Your heart starts racing as his hand slides up to your mid-thigh. “3.” He tightened his grip. You bit your lip fighting the urge to laugh. “2” he squeezed even harder. He opened his mouth to say 1 but you couldn't hold in the laugh anymore. He releases his grip and then squeezes again.  “Alright, you win,” you said while laughing. He started to squeeze again “Take it.”  He took the folder with his free hand and sat it on the table. He gave you a wide grin and started tickling your leg. You grab his hand and lean towards him, pushing it back into his lap. You swallowed hard when you looked up into his mossy eyes, his lips just inches away from yours. Your heart almost burst out of your chest when his soft, full, perfect lips met yours. The kiss was short and sweet. He ended the kiss and nuzzled your nose with his. You whined. “Public place, there babe.” you nodded and tried to catch your breath. He kissed the tip of your nose as you pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. He sat straight up picking up the folder. You lean back in your chair. Your cheeks warmed as you thought about how you’d be kissing him if you weren’t in a public place.

Putting his wallet away he asked, “You ready for that road trip?” His voice snaps you back to reality again.

“Restroom first.” 

“Downstairs by the front doors.” He said.” I gotta make a phone call and say bye to Jared. Meet me at the front door?” he said taking his phone out of his pocket. 

“Sounds good Ackles.” You grabbed your purse, and as you passed behind him you stopped, you felt his muscles tighten as you put your hands on his shoulders and leaned down to his ear.  “Don’t forget to tell him what an awesome driver I am,” you whispered. Walking away you hear him chuckle and then talk into his phone.

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{} Jensen’s P.O.V {}

He couldn’t stop himself from watching her walk away as he finished his call. Damn, what I would do, He shook his head trying to get the naughty images out of his mind. He stood up and slid his phone back into his pocket as he started for the stairs. 

“Oh my god, it’s Jensen Ackles,” Jared said and started fanning himself as Jensen walked up to his table. 

Jensen dropped his jaw. “Where?!” Jared and Gen laughed, 

“So?” Jared asked acting giddy. 

“So?” Jensen repeated. Jared raised his eyebrows. Jensen grinned.“ I’ll call you later.”

“You better.” They bumped fists. “Love you.”

“Love you more,” Jensen said walking away. 

As he walked down the stairs, he couldn't stop thinking about her. He tripped and almost fell. Come on, Jensen. He stopped once he got to the doors and waited for her. He opened the door open for an elderly couple. “Thank you, young man.” The older woman said to him.

“Not a problem ma’am,” he told her as she walked through. He looked over and there she was. Watching him with the sweetest smile he’d ever seen. After the couple passed through he gestured for her to come through. “My Lady.”

“Good sir,” She said as she walked through. She pulled the keys out of her pocket and held them out for him. He opened her car door and shut it after she got in. Walking around to the driver's side he smirked as he noticed her scoot more toward the middle. Her cheeks pinkened as she realized she was caught. So freaking cute he thought. 

He got in and started up the Impala. “Here, connect to this thing.” He disconnected the Bluetooth adapter from his phone. “I want to hear this epic playlist you were telling me about.”

She smirked, “I don’t know if I’d use the word epic, but it’s got some good tunes.” She said pulling her phone out. He watched her. Darlin’ everything about you is epic he thought to himself. 

“Yeah Yeah. Play me some music, cowgirl.” She laughed as Friends in Low Places started to play, He wrapped his arm around her. He watched from the corner of his eye as she snuggled up to him and started to sing. Oh sweetheart what are you doing to me? 

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{} Reader's P.O.V {}

He started singing along as he pulled out. “Jensen, I have a question. “

“Shoot.”

“Can you this one time please.” a puzzled expression came over his face “ Not take the route with the most red lights and stop signs?” 

“I’ll think about it.” He laughed as he turned onto I-35

You made it through about 30 minutes of halfway driving before you had to do something.. “Alright Ackles, you got courage for a round of 21 questions?” You asked raising your eyebrows. 

He chuckled. “ I think I’m up for it” 

 “Ok let's start easy. Favorite color?  

“Blue. Favorite season?” He asked

“Fall. Favorite Movie?”  

“Saving Private Ryan. What's your favorite color?” 

“Pretty Sure there's a rule against repeats.” 

With a smile, he says“Oh I didn’t realize we are in a championship match where the rules matter.”  

You rolled your eyes. “Smartass.”  

“You know it kettle.” he chuckled. 

 You smiled.  “It's Teal or blue. Favorite holiday?”

“Christmas. You get one superpower. What is it?” 

You thought for a second. “ can I pick 2?”

“You get 1.” He smiled. 

You sighed. “Fine. Probably the ability to fly. 

“What was the other one?”

“Invisibility.” He raised his eyebrows. “Oh come, how fun would that be. I would just fuck with people all day.”

He laughed “Of course you would.” 

 “Who was your favorite character to play.” He opened his mouth “Besides Dean.”  

“Hmm,” he thought. “Ben. Soldier boy from the boys. He was really fun. First celebrity crush?”

 “Tom Cruise. Favorite horror movie.”  

He thought for a second. “ The Shining. Dream vacation?

“Uh. Either Italy or Bora Bora.” He smiled. “First concert?”  

“Michael Jackson 1984. Do you believe in ghosts?”

“Sometimes yes, sometimes no.” You shrugged. “ Favorite Food?  

“Steak.” He thought for a second. “The best gift you've ever been given?” 

“My locket.” 

“Go on ” 

“ Mac gave it to me a couple of Christmases ago. It has a picture of my mom on one side and my dad on the other.” He looked at your neck. “ Favorite radio company song to sing?” 

“City grown Willow. What's your favorite radio company song?” 

You smirked. “City grown Willow or Let Me Be.”

He smiled. “ I gotta know why.”

 “City grown willow, the lyrics and melody with your voice is mwah.” You gestured a Chef kiss. He chuckled..” Let Me Be, because of the fun you had last night while singing it.” 

“So you were watching me?” He said in a hitch-pitched voice. 

“Kinda hard not to you.” He smiled and his cheeks turned pink. 

 “Favorite music genre?” 

“Country. Favorite TV show?

 “Friends. If you could look into a crystal ball and see everything about your future,  would you do it?

He thought for a second. “I don’t think I would.’

“Interesting.”

“Ok Freud” You giggled. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Nope. I'm an only child.”

He smiled. “That makes sense.”

“Excuse me?”

“Calm down.” He chuckled. “Only children tend to be more independent.”

“Oh. I thought we were going to the spoiled brat route.”

“Eh, not yet.” He joked. 

You laughed, “What's the first thing you notice about me?”

“ You're hair. It looked really soft and I wanted to touch it. You?”

 “Of course, I'm gonna say you're eyes. Have you seen them suckers?” He laughed. “ When did you have your first kiss?”

He sighed. “Preschool.” 

“Oh, so you started young huh?”

He laughed and then his face went serious.  “Are you looking for a relationship?” 

“Really Jensen?” 

“I'm just playing the game sweetheart.” He grinned slowing down on the exit onto I-35 Frontage Rd.

“Maybe.” You raised an eyebrow at him. 

“A maybe Isn't a no.”

 “Birthday?” you asked. 

“March 1st.  Favorite subject in school?”

“Science. Yours?”

“Look who's reusing questions now.” He chuckled. “Algebra. Favorite food?”

“Loaded nachos. Craziest place you've had sex?” 

He cleared his throat. “Spicing things up are we?” 

“I'm just playin' the game sweetheart”

He chuckled “Bar bathroom.” He slowed down for the red light ahead. When the light turned green he turned right onto Wonder World Dr. “ And no it wasn't a random hook-up.” 

“I wasn't judging.”

“Sure.” He smiled. “ you?” 

“Playground” He looked at you with raised eyebrows. “It was after dark, Nobody else was there.”

You turned to him. “ Have you ever cheated?”

He sighed. “Once. I was 19. I was young and stupid. It hasn’t happened since and It never will again.” At least he was honest and it did seem like he was remorseful. 

He looked at you. “Dealbreaker?” 

You thought for a second. “Not necessarily.” you cleared your throat “Everyone has done things they aren’t proud of. The thing that matters is you learn from them.” 

“Ok, Freud.” you smiled, “ Trust me I did.” 

You two stayed silent as Turn The Page faded and  Sounds Of Someday started to play “Oh my god, this band is so good.” Jensen chuckled. 

“I saw them live last night, They’re ok.” You said as you shrugged your shoulders. He threw his head back and laughed. 

“Is there ever gonna come a day where you don’t give me shit?” he asked.

“Eh, probably not,” you confessed. He laughed again. “What number are we on?”

“16 I think and I do believe it’s my turn.” you gestured with your hand for him to go. “It’s the zombie apocalypse is here. You get 3 people for your team. Who is it?”

You chuckled. “ Well, I have heard about these 2 brothers that are really good with that stuff.” He chuckled. “ Oh, Rambo. He’d fuck some shit up.”

“Is that your 3?” He asked slowing down for another red light. 

“Yeah, I think so. Worse case I have some eye candy before I die.” He rolled his eyes and smiled. 

“So, 17 would you rather be 15 minutes late or 1 hour early?”

“Definitely early. I hate being late.” He shook his head. “When was your first kiss?” 

“About an hour ago. ”You burst out laughing as he looked at you in shock with wide eyes. “I'm just kidding. 4th grade.”

“Not funny.” He declared as he started to go after the light finally turned green. He went straight onto route 12.

“I’d have to disagree”

“So. Mr. Ackles, He looked at you. “Are you looking for a relationship?” you raised your eyebrows. 

“I wasn’t, but ya never know.” He winked at you making you grin.  

“Biggest turn-off?” He asked. 

“Rudeness.. I can not stand rude people.” With an approving expression, he nodded You sighed loudly. as he slowed for another red light making him laugh.

“This is like the third red light, diva.” He joked.

“Of this drive, The 136th one of the day though.”  Your rebuttal made him laugh  “Have you ever sent nudes?” 

He chuckled nervously  “Yes. You?”

“Yes.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Interesting…”  you scrunched your lips as your cheeks turned pink. He smiled 

“Who would you haunt if you were a ghost?”

“Either Jared or Misha. Yeah, I see your point that would be fun.” he chuckled as he slowed down for the red light. Your cheeks got hot as he kissed your cheek. “Almost there darlin’.” he turned left onto County Line Rd 1492 ‘ What smell do you hate that doesn’t seem to bother other people?” 

“Patchouli.” you scrunched your nose. “I can’t stand that smell.” he chuckled. 

“Now, don’t take this the wrong way, Ackles.” 

“Um ok?”

“I’m not asking, never mind. I’ll ask something else.”.

He smiled. “Just ask the question.” He said turning left onto Winn Valley Dr. 

“Fine. Would you ever get married again?”  His face went blank. “See it’s weird we can move on.” 

“Honestly. It depends.” he said as he drove through the open-ended cul-de-sac.“I’m not opposed to it, but I couldn’t just going to jump into it. There would be a lot of thought put into it.” He looked at you. “Does that make any sense?” he nervously chuckled. 

“Yes.” You look over to see a sign. “Ranch Madrone?” You knitted your brows at him.

“You’ll see.” He continued down the road. “Last question. How are you with heights?” 

You looked at him with a puzzled look. “Really? That's your last question?” He pointed to a say that read Wimberley Zipline Adventures. Your heart started pounding “We are zip-lining now?!”

“You up for it cowgirl?” He said with a grin

“Oh hell yeah!!.”

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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[larz-barz]

New recruit

Warning(s)/info: My first bsd fic!! Sorry if this is inaccurate, i’ve only watched 4 episodes and I’m needing to take a break since if i watch stuff like that for too long it starts to affect my thoughts (idk if that makes sense but basically dazai invades my intrusive thoughts-) Miki is aged up to 17 in this au due to Atsushi being 18!! Usual bsd things, sui because of Dazai, violence, etc.

Tagging: @tokito-dulya20 @nagi-the-vanilla-extract @kimetsu-chan

A slightly anxious expression adorned Atsushi’s face as he walked alongside Junichiro, the two of them approaching an alleyway where suspicious activity had been reported.

“Junichiro?” The orange haired male turned to look at Atsushi.

“Hm? What is it, Atsushi?”

Atsushi sighs before responding as they stop walking. “I have a really bad feeling about this.. Something just feels.. off. I’m not quite sure what though.” Junichiro pats his shoulder.

“I’m sure it’s alri-!” He’s cut off by the sound of gunshots from down the alleyway, both their eyes widen and they rush into the alleyway.

They see an older man, a member of the Port Mafia, towering over a young girl who looks a bit younger than Atsushi.

The girl has light purple hair with blonde pieces in the front, tied in a half up half down style with a dark purple bow.

She’s wearing a light brown jacket with long, flowy sleeves, tucked into baggy, dark blue pants, along with a white, button up shirt, her pants are tucked into a pair of mid-calf length, brown boots.

The girls eyes are practically lifeless as she lies there, being towered over by a much larger and older man. “You’ll never amount to anything, you useless piece of garbage.” The man spat out at the girl as she begins to lose consciousness.

Junichiro’s gaze hardens as the man prepares to shoot the girl in the head.

“Special ability: light snow.” He uses his ability to make the bullets phase through the girl.

Atsushi rushes to her side. “H-hey, Miss?! Can you hear me?” He asks worriedly as he takes the dying girl into his arms.

Junichiro makes quick work of the man and he and Atsushi take the unconscious girl to the hospital.

Atsushi looks to his friend with concern in his eyes. “Sh-she’s so light…” His worried gaze moves from Junichiro to the small girl in his arms.

She doesn’t wake up until several hours later, eyes widening and she sits up quickly then begins looking around frantically.

The girl jolts slightly when she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder gently push her back against the pillow.

“Don’t push yourself too hard. You just woke up and you were very injured when we found you. I’m Atsushi Nakajima.” The girl seems to understandably be scared so Atsushi opts to speak in a soft, gentle voice, making no sudden movements as to avoid startling her.

She gives a soft nod as she locks eyes with him.

He gives her a gentle smile. “So what’s your name?”

The girl hesitates before speaking in a soft voice. “…M-… Mikitama Suzuki…” His smile grows a bit.

“You have a beautiful name.” He compliments her happily, blushing a bit when she shyly smiles and blushes.

“So, do you mind me asking what happened earlier..? It’s okay if you don’t really want to talk about it. But, I can help you. I’m a member of the Armed Detective Agency.”

She, once again, hesitates. “U-uhm…. That was my uncle… He’s a member of the Port Mafia and he’s been t-trying to get me to join for years…. Every time I say no he hurts me more and more… My ability isn’t even that impressive…”

Atsushi frowns softly as he listens to her explanation. “I’m sorry about that. But don’t worry, you’re safe now. You are now under the protection of the Armed Detective Agency.” He smiles reassuringly, determined to protect her.

He then realized she mentioned having an ability. “So what is your ability? I’m sure it’s amazing.”

“I-it’s called healing fur.. Basically I can turn into a cat and heal myself and whoever I touch.. I couldn’t use it earlier since I was so weak… I can control how much of my ability is showing too…” He smiles brightly.

“That’s such a cool and helpful ability! Can you show me?” He asks eagerly and she nods before being interrupted by Kunikida and Dazai walking in.

Atsushi immediately became rigid upon noticing them, confusing Mikitama slightly.

“Atsushi.” Kunikida calls out and Atsushi somehow becomes even more rigid as his expression becomes nervous and anxious.

“Y-yes, Mr. Kunikida and Mr. Dazai?”

“We have a new case to take care of and turns out our new little friend would be perfect to join us on it!” Dazai chirps and Atsushi frowns.

“She’s still injured and the Port Mafia is already after her. Wouldn’t it be better to keep her here and not further risk her safety?” He responds with a protective glint in his eyes.

Dazai moves to Mikitama and grabs her hands. “Would you be interested in a double sui-” Dazai gets cut off by Kunikida slapping the back of his head.

“Dazai, stop! She doesn’t want to join you for a double suicide!” He shouts angrily, making Miki flinch but nod in agreement with an anxious expression as a pair of fluffy ears sprout from her head.

Atsushi’s eyes widen in happiness. “Aww! You look so adorable!” He exclaims, blushing as he hesitantly reaches to gently stroke one of her soft ears.

His eyes sparkle as he hears soft purrs erupt in her chest.

“Anyways. It’s her choice whether or not she comes with us.” Kunikida responds as Dazai groans, lying on the floor.

“..I-I uhm…. I’ll come…” She responds nervously and he nods.

“A-are you sure, Mikitama?” Atsushi asks worriedly and she nods.

“Alright. It’s settled then. Since you’re not an official member, you can decide whether you would like to join as a fighter or something else.”

Mikitama nods and gets up, wobbling a bit since her legs are still a bit hurt.

Atsushi helps her steady herself as they walk to the location of the case.

He looks around with a focused expression. “Stay behind me okay? I’ll keep you safe, don’t worry.”

Mikitama nods as they go into the alleyway where a group of thugs had been spotted.

The two of them look around cautiously.

Atsushi hears something and quickly whips around to see Miki being held by Akutagawa, his hand covering her mouth and the other around her waist, holding her tightly. “You strayed a little too far from home, didn’t you kitty?”

Mikitama’s eyes are wide with fear as tears roll down her cheeks and she trembles, too scared to try to get away.

Atsushi’s breathing quickens. ‘Wh-what do I do?! He could really hurt her, or worse!! Ohh I should’ve stuck to my gut and had her stay at the Agency!’

The memory of when he was kicked out of the orphanage flashes in his mind before he’s taken from his thoughts by the sound of a muffled, pained cry.

Atsushi’s eyes become crazed as his ability activates.

“Come on, were-tiger. Show me what you’ve got~”

He throws Mikitama aside, he’ll save her for later…

Atsushi soon completes his transformation and angrily lunges for Akutagawa, ready to tear him apart, limb by limb.

Dazai rushes over as Akutagawa prepares to use his ability and touches both of their foreheads.

“Not so fast Akutagawa~!” He crouches next to Atsushi and tries to get him to wake up then he picks up Mikitama. “You really should be more careful with a lady.”

Akutagawa scoffs.

“You’re just saying that since she grew up around you.” He says as Dazai looks at him with a bitter smile before walking off with Atsushi and Mikitama.

~the end~

how did i do? ik this is prob so bad and inaccurate but i wanted to try-

[buffyandwillow]

i was thinking earlier about… how willow is (amazing, wonderful, an amazon) an incredibly tragic character, because essentially all of her self-worth comes from external sources, and once she no longer has that, she crashes and burns to such an epic extent.

this is a girl who was bullied and rejected by her peers since childhood, and whose parents never gave her the time of day. in episode 1, she is no longer willing or able to take up space. and then she meets buffy.

buffy chooses to spend time with her, and wants to talk to her, and doesn’t want her to go away! this gives willow enough of a boost to stand up against cordelia in episode 2. (“she’s not a pyscho loony. you don’t even know her.”) i think this a testament to how strong willow is - or rather, it suggests that she had strength and fight inside her all along, she just needed someone else to believe she could/should be heard. willow’s self-confidence seems to grow as she spends more time with buffy, with her strength beginning to mirror buffy’s own. at the end of season 2, buffy and willow are put through parallel tests of strength as buffy physically fights angelus, and willow works the spell to restore angel’s soul.

in season 3, as she learns more spells, she begins to feel more useful to the gang (and to buffy, specifically). the arrival of faith threatens her new confidence. when she perceives that buffy is repeatedly choosing to spend time with faith over her, and when buffy tells her that she can’t understand it (“it’s kind of a slayer thing”), willow feels understandably hurt - but it’s deeper than that. she questions her usefulness. she questions if buffy really needs her - and if buffy doesn’t need her, why would she stick around? (she's already left willow once.) after all, buffy had sought her out originally to help her with her studies. and then! willow had found she could apply her computer skills to help out with buffy’s slaying duties. up until this point in their relationship… they’re best friends, they talk about life stuff, they look out for one another - and willow helps buffy in every way she can. she needs to be needed, and when that’s taken away from her, she hurts, and she falters.

all in all, willow comes out of this season pretty strong. she has a cool boyfriend (in a band!), they lose faith to the dark side (no more competition for buffy's or xander's affection!), and willow chooses to stay in sunnydale to fight the good fight - and she explains, fairly convincingly, that it’s not for buffy, but for herself.

and then in season 4, willow meets tara. in this moment, willow becomes buffy: she becomes the one to share her strength and confidence with another person. throughout their relationship, we watch as willow - now brimming with power - helps to bring out the strength and fight in tara, too. what’s fascinating to me is that there are two opposite ways to look at their relationship. one is the way that tara sees it: that the light in her is all because of willow. the other is the way that willow sees it: that the light in her is all because of tara.

willow’s insecurities go deep. it’s suggested that willow hates herself, and/or feels like some sort of fraud. in 4x22 restless, buffy peels away willow’s “costume” to reveal her season 1 self. willow herself makes disparaging remarks about the nerd she used to be.

losing tara hurts because she loves tara immensely, but there's an undercurrent of something else here: willow loves tara so much more than she loves herself that tara's existence becomes her only reason to live. when willow loses tara to glory’s mind-suck, she goes on a suicide mission to fight the goddess. when she loses tara to her own magic addiction, she falls deeper and deeper in the hole, essentially erasing herself as she lets her own mind be consumed. and when she loses tara for good in seeing red, she loses everything. the will to live. the will for the world to exist. in a moment of lucidity, she says to buffy: “the only thing i had going for me… were the moments - just moments - when tara would look at me, and i was wonderful. and that will never happen again.”

it is tragic to me that willow feels this way, after all she’s been through. that after all the progress she made, she never learned to love herself - only the part of herself that was reflected in tara, and now that’s gone forever, along with the one she loved most in the world.

[ahwp]

This is the Sippy Saturday Podcast Brought to you by At Home With Piper and The Harrington Foundation.

Season 1 Episode 1: Life Be Lifin'

Piper smiles at the camera as she's given a countdown by her producer. As she’s given her cue, she parts her lips and begins her introduction from her seat on the blush pink couch.

Piper: Hey babes! Welcome to the inaugural episode of the Sippy Saturday Podcast, brought to you by At Home with Piper. Today’s episode is sponsored by The Harrington Foundation. I’m Piper, your host, and new bestie. As if you couldn’t tell by the sash and crown, it’s my fucking birthdayyyy!!! (She chuckles softly as she repositions the mic and opens a bottle of tequila, pouring a shot.) On tonight’s episode, it’s just me and you, talking about life and how it’s been whipping my ass for the past few years cause, baby, life has been lifing the fuck out of me. So grab a drink, if you’re smart, you’ve already made you a Sippy Saturday cocktail from my At Home With Piper website, grabbed your snacks, and are sitting comfy waiting on the tea. Let’s toast to a good night, the happiest of birthdays for myself and anyone else celebrating, and an amazing Episode.

(The scene cuts to a prerecorded clip of Piper making the drink of the night. )

Piper: Tonight’s Mocktail is one of my favs, the Spicy Paloma. The recipe will be linked below with some alcohol substitute for my drinkers out there. (She takes a sip and rocks side to side while tasting it. She taps the glass with her finger nails and smacks her lips) Mhm.. I’m telling you guys, you have to try it. It’s a must.

Piper: A few very important things to know about me, I’m a 28 year old entrepreneur and a mommy of 2. I’m in therapy weekly and it’s the only thing other than God, keeping me from ending a few mother fuckers. Praise God. My kids are my world. I love my babies with my whole being and wouldn’t trade them for the world. Now let’s circle back to therapy. Baby get you some! Okay? Okay! Cause listen, the shit I’ve experienced these past few years, was enough to make me lose my mind. I completely lost myself, I’m talking didn’t recognize myself in the mirror, lost. I was so sad and depressed and just pushed away everyone I loved. Looking back on my life, younger me never expected any of the things she has now. Not the money, the houses, the kids, the experiences, none of it. I didn’t expect a bad life, but I thought my life would be really simple. I’d still be back home, I’d own a modest house and I’d be a school teacher. I just wanted to be happy and content. Instead, I’m a single mom of two, and while I’m killing this shit, this shit is not for the faint of heart. Granted I do have more resources than some other moms and I’m not saying that it’s hard in that way, but let’s not act as though carrying, birthing, and then caring for life isn’t something hard that all moms struggle with despite finances. I had a solid plan for my life and while a lot of it has come to pass, this family dynamic is not what I expected.

I grew up going back and forth between Rhode Island and New York. I’m the oldest of 4 girls and I was the favorite. Sorry girls, but it’s true. Ask daddy. (She laughs.) Life wasn’t hard even when it was. My parents made sure we didn’t see or feel the hardships of a young married black couple living part time in uptown New York or the two bedroom flat in Rhode Island that they owned but could barely afford. It was during all the back and forth that I met my ex husband at 15. I plan to have him on here one day and we can tell that story then. But basically, we were together for 8 years before he moved to LA. I followed him months later. I was a kindergarten teacher and was in college getting my bachelor’s of nursing degree. I graduated and moved to LA and when I got here, all that sweet phone talk about what life would be if I moved out here turned into some “you need to find your self ” bullshit. (She lowers her voice to mimic her ex’s and laughs and takes another sip of her drink.) Granted, his arguments ended up being true. I had been with him since I was 15. I really didn’t know who I was as a woman without him. So we break up for a while and then get back to gather, have a kid and get married. This man was my first everything. The first man I ever loved no one could have told me, we wouldn’t have lasted. Not even a year into our marriage were we divorced. My life had become motherhood and trying to please him, while his life had become being our provider and protector and we lost one another. We both saw it and I thought we were working on it, and then I found out he had cheated. It was public. I was humiliated. I remember feeling like I had failed, my self, my son, my parents. I couldn’t understand how. I followed the rules. (She uses air quotes as she sets her glass on the table next to her) This was the first time i experienced depression. PPD and divorce was kicking my ass. I was hyper focused on my son to the point that I started to push away my friends, and I wouldn't even take care of myself. I would shower everyday and that was it. There were days that i didn't eat or sleep because I just couldn't bring myself to do anything that didn't involve taking care of Prince. When I finally snapped out of it and started to get a sense of myself again, I vowed to not date. Luckly, I had some friends talk some sense into me. This is when I met Greyson, my daughter's father. At the time, I was very new to dating. I hadn't been with anyone other than Caleb my entire life. I was naive and ignored key signs that this wasn't a good partnership simply because I felt wanted to feel loved and Greyson gave me that feeling. Let me take it a few steps back and reintroduce our story to you from the eyes of a whole woman. This is a part of my story and in no means do I mean to break Greyson down, but I will not lie. I was clearly in a manipulative relationship filled with gaslighting, and love bombing. In no way do I absolve myself of my poor choices in dating this man and then having a child with him, but I will not keep quiet or spare him simply to save face. I fucked up unintentionally, but his intentions were clearly malice from the start.

When I met him, I wasn’t trying or expecting to fall for anyone. I’d actually made up my mind that I’d be single and I just wanted to have some fun. Either way, we dated off and on for about 4 months before making it official. We took a trip together and we had sex for the first time. I ended up pregnant but I didn’t know that i was until until weeks later while I was dealing with the grief of losing my mom. I feel like this was the start of the major red flags in our relationship. This man would be extremely present and loving and then go missing for weeks at a time. Looking back on my pregnancy, I don’t have many fond memories. Was he there during my mom’s passing, yes, but beyond that it was very hit and miss. I didn’t get to enjoy it unless I was being celebrated by my friends. I had no shower, no gender reveal, and I only had a maternity shoot because I made myself do it. I really put on a happy face while going through hell. Not just because I’d lost my mom but because I was in an unplanned pregnancy with a man who would up and disappear on me with no warning and then come back and love bomb the fuck out of me and gaslight me to hell. I started to realize this in my pregnancy and for reasons known now, I thought I should hold on. I knew in my mind, that I could fix this. This was something minor. He wasn’t use to relationships and I was only use to the one that I’d been in for 10 years that had failed. So here I am, a year removed from a very long term relationship and in a very new relationship, unexpectedly pregnant, and my man was love bombing me. He was inconsistent and always in some shit. I put on a smile and took care of home. Things were not great but they weren’t bad. Thats what I kept telling myself. We had some work to do but nothing that couldn’t be repaired. That was my mindset, until I realized that I was in deed on some bullshit. My daughter barely knew her dad and I was okay with just dealing with that to save face. To hold out hope that he would fix things, that this relationship, wouldn’t be a failure. That I would get my happy ending. Well that shit ended in the fiery pits of hell. I was one foot out the door by the end of it and had left my own home and was staying with my sister Syx a few weeks before things ended. Do yall know this man had the audacity to ask me to change my name but wasn’t ready to marry me? Yeah. We had an entire argument about why I still have my ex’s last name and why he wouldn’t marry me because of it. Despite the fact that this was something discussed on one of our first dates. That moment was the defining moment for me. I knew things were done. How could you love me but have no regard for me or my son? A few weeks after we talked and were trying yet again, his disappeared and I havent seen or heard from him since. No calls to see his daughter, no desire to be a dad yet this child was something he wanted so bad. Needless to say, I was pissed. It was an anger I’d never felt before. It took me such a long time get myself out of that space but here we are. I was so angry that I wanted to physically hurt this man, not because of how he had done me but becauwe he abandoned his child. My daughter is the sweetest thing. She’s so loving and smart and I know we all say that about our kids but my babygirl is something so special and I’m so angry with myself for making the choice I made in her father because he’s just a sorry excuse of a man. I tried so hard to not talk down about him but how can you not tell the truth about a person? (She sighs and sits back) the honest truth is I feel like I’ve held myself back from moving forward by trying to protect him and his character. I’ve filmed this episode 5 or 6 times and each time has ended in me crying and cursing him out in the unholiest of ways. I’m talking certifiable unhinged behavior. My therapist got a big check after those sessions. What’s changed though is the fact that I know my kids are better off without him and his influence.

As I'm growing, I’m learning more and more about myself and just life in general. For years, basically my entire life, I felt like a child needed both parents, or that I had to follow the rules if I wanted to be happily married or raise amazing kids and that’s simply not true. My babies are well rounded, well traveled, respectful, honest, and loving. I’ve done an amazing job. I have an amazing family and support system that loves my children like their own. I couldn’t ask for a better village. I believed that I my marriage would be successful because I’m a good woman who cooks, cleans, makes her own money and has other great attributes and talents. (Piper winks at the camera as she sips from her glass.) It didn’t take me long to learned that you can be perfect for someone and that shit can still go wrong. You can do your part, be the most loyal, humblest person and people will still fuck you over and walk all over you. Shit happens. Is it okay? No, but what can you learn from it? What is God trying to teach you? I feel like this past year has been the most important year of my life. I don’t work as hard, I spend more time with my kids making memories, my sister and I moving together and we’re raising our kids as a family and it’s the most wholesome shit I’ve ever done. I feel so at peace knowing that this year brought me peace by any means necessary. God did not play about me. He taught me patience, made me more aware of my own weaknesses and strengths, granted me favor and peace of mind while navigating all the shit I mentioned prior to now and the things I didn’t. He taught me the importance of letting things go so that I can move on. I’m a very empathetic person and I carry so much weight on my shoulders to understand everyone and to be understood. In the past that has caused me more hurt than anything. Instead of walking away, I’d try to fix things that don’t serve me. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I can’t be her. I have two kids that literally don’t eat unless I feed them. They depend on me and I refuse to let them down. I say all do this to say, if you’re in a season where you feel like it’s blow after to blow, attack after attack, it gets better. If you’re in a place where you can’t look yourself in the mirror without crying or feeling like you e lost yourself, then wipe your tears and remind yourself who the fuck you are. That shit it momentary. It gets better. I don’t care what anyone says. It gets better because it has to. No weapon formed against you can prosper against you, because it’s not strong enough to. We’re not meant to stay down. We’re meant to learn something and then use it to bring ourselves as the other people like us out of that hole we feel buried in. Sometimes you need a little help. Therapy was quintessential in helping me through my toughest times. Because I want this podcast to be focused on purging the negativity and creating a positive environment for growth and development, I’ve created a foundation focused on supplying resources for those who just need a little help in life.

The Harrington Foundation is a non profit organization that is partnering with local therapists to bring free therapy to those in need in our local communities. This foundation is not only meant to bring forth grief counseling and mental health services to the community but other outreach programs like feeding the hungry and housing the homeless. Too often do we hear the stories of someone needing help with no one willing to give it. I will not be that person. If you would like to help the cause, feel free to donate at the link below or visit theharringtonfound.org. If you are in need of assistance in any way, be it therapy, paying a bill, help finding a home, contact us at 1-888-8888. We have funds readily available to help those in need. Thank you all for listening to me rant about my troubles and passion for growth. This has been the Sippy Saturday Podcast. Thank you for joining means I hope I see you next week. Love yall now bye! I got to go feed these kids. I didn’t even finish my drink Chile. (Piper laughs as the scene cuts to the ad for the Harrington Foundation and her other businesses.)

[oddishblossom]

Tagged by @mdzs-rabbithole + @kimievii 💖 thank you both for tagging me! i’ve been falling behind on tag games so apologies for responding so late 😚

Favorite Color: Red & Pink

Currently reading: My attention span is so bad i’m physically incapable of reading a new book right now hahaha. but i can still read fanfics. there’s this really good one i’ve been reading called All He’ll See is Me by skyl_tales…. you can blame the kenobi show for my fixation here

Last song: …Besame by Ricardo Montaner. i know i listen to the SAPPIEST love songs ever I KNOW.

Last movie: I watched like half of white chicks a few days ago? i really haven’t been seeing a lot of movies lately

Last series: The 1999 telenovela from Colombia: Yo Soy Betty, La Fea (I’m Betty, the Ugly Girl)!! i just finished all 149 episodes a few days ago and UGH it’s SUCH a wonderful story!! 💖 i think this is where my love for angsty, painful, slow burn love stories started (i watched this for the first time when i was a kid but it’s been a while). the writing is so well done! i’m constantly wowed by the transition of scenes, the parallels and symbolism, and how the characters are written is driving me to want to write meta. it is 23 years old so there is stuff in the show that hasn’t aged well 😅. it’s about the rise of a woman who suffers through so much pain and abuse, but jumps to the highest position at her work and learns how to love herself; and the fall of her boss/love interest, a man who has it all, loses it all, ruins his own life, and learns how to love for the first time ever (and the process of him falling in love is not pretty. it’s like watching a stubborn baby deer try to walk and fall on his own face time and time again) and like…. the transformation these two characters undergo from episode 1 to 149 is amazing. seeing such a kind shy woman go on a vengeful journey of hate and seeing such a womanizing asshole slowly, slowly lose his mind and then gain a heart was spectacular. Ferrnando Gaitan (rest in peace) wrote an incredible story and i can’t stop thinking about it… 🥺💖

Currently working on: Oh, many things! My brain’s a bit of a jumbled mess and isn’t content unless if i’m juggling several projects at once 💔. My bingqiu fic is still my #1 priority. But Ch 4 has been giving me pacing issues, so I’m working on the outline for Ch 14 instead. One day I’ll finish it. Also working on various gifsets (the next one i finish is gonna be for shen qingqiu) aaaand working on some edits because i want to get better at video editing :)

Tagging: Leaving this tag open! If you see this and want to make one too, please go for it and say i tagged you 💖

[thedeathdeelers]

things that i like about juke, an incomplete list & a continuation of my previous incomplete list (episodes 3 & 4):

“they were loving you”

“they loved us, that was a great song luke, thanks””

the huge smile in reply yes it’s very important, it’s such a big smile

the way he doesn’t stop looking at julie even as she walks away - how he moves his entire body around to keep his eyes on julie as she walked away in a very platonic way. super platonic. friendy friends.

YOU NEED TO reaLISE HOW INSANELY TALENTED YOU ARE

*staring at julie from the top of a piano very intensely* “if somebody hurts you, i’m gonna get hurt too.” (yes u hurt her in a couple episodes and that hurts you a lot don’t do it again luke)

julie leading flynn over to meet luke first :) :):):) am i reading into things? most likely. let me live my juke life

luke (probably) wanting to impress julie’s bff by? barking??? at her??? ya nailed it, son

luke “hey! i’m our lead singer >:(“ patterson all smiles when being told they’re joining her band. k. casual. super casual

SPENT AN ENTIRE WEEKEND COOPED UP IN THE STUDIO WRITING SONGS!!!! WHERE ARE THE RECEIPTS NETFLIX

WHERE ARE THE RECEIPTS im so tired let me see these scenes

julie letting this boy help her finish writing a song that is probably one of the most important ones to her

can you imagine the scene?? julie sat there staring at this unfinished song and luke asking her what’s up and them having this soft moment AND NETFLIX!!!!! anyway

letting this boy join her in the process of song writing - a process that before this was a very special one she only shared with her mOTHER!!!!! how!! important!!! !!!! bruh

julie being all bashful when flynn says she has a crush 😌 our girl knows

her only defence being “luke’s a ghost” is so funny. who u kidding (hilarious to think how quickly that excuse is thrown out the window, good for her)

WITH A PERFECT SMILE

CUTE. AIR.

yes flynn they do have a connection i’m losing my mind over here

“Luke & I, Luke & I, LUKE & I”

julie giggling at luke’s lil “it’s not exactly the strip :(“

and then luke staring at julie with his mouth slightly hanging open after she giggled at him and then continued to water the plants in her element with the sun as a backdrop

k

luke’s mind changing in a snap after julie makes One counter argument to his grumpy complaints because who is he to argue with The Julie Molina. thank u

Reggie’s “😏” face is killing me he’s like “ya mhm now you change your mind i woNdEr WhY LuKe”

OH WE’RE GETTING TO THAT PART

luke repeating julie’s words to alex when he complains about it being a dance. julie knowing exactly what luke is doing and smile at hiM

“ya get with the program alex” while her eyes are solely on luke. luke living for this moment THE SOFT SMILE

low key feel like julie momentarily forgets flynn is even there lmao just staring at her keyboard like “☺️” with a dash of “😍”

PLEASE luke’s reflex to look at julie first when carlos mentions soul burning

LUKE LITERALLY JUMPING TO SHOW JULIE HIS SONGS WHEN SHE SAYS “show me now”

HE JUMPS TO IT HES SO EXCITED BRUH

the “haha our children are so cute” look he throws her way - they have INSIDE JOKES. LOOK AT THEM

“i dog-eared thé ones i think you would slay” meaning he went through his songs with her in mind thinking about her voice while reading words he wrote and thinking “ya she’d sound amazing” casual :) yup :) it’s cool :) i’m fine :)

luke’s nervous tic of gripping into his guitar strap while julie flicks through his journal because her musical opinion (and opinion in general) is very important to him hello. plus i mean if one song is a piece of his soul, what’s his entire journal????? he’s just giving her more pieces of him to discover and he hopes she likes him 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

julie’s interest in who emily is 😌 she didn’t know he as a romantic 😌 she thought about it 😌 luke’s momentary “wait wh-”

cinematic masterpiece

julie straight up checking luke out as he sets up to play a song for her. THE LOOK SHE THROWS HIS WAY look at julie go, my girl

LUKE INTRODUCED YOU TO ROCK

LUKE INTRODUCED JULIE TO ROCK, PEOPLE. I WILL NEVER GET OVER THIS LINE HOW DID THEY JUST BRUSH RIGHT PAST IT AAAAAAH

“this whole time i thought you were connected to my mom” babe. honey. sis. bro. they’re connected to you. luke’s connected to you

SOULMATES

luke being super mad about trevor but toning his voice down to softly ask julie where bobby lives

SOFT VOICE

“but you have new songs. with me 🥺”

luke stepping up closer to julie like “yes we know we’re sorry we love u” (and yet u stILL FUCK UP THANKS LUKE)

anyway

soulmates

i may have lost the plot a few times but the list still stands

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

The Thrilling Saga of Connie paying real life money for the Worst Sonic TV Show

Let’s begin with the simple fact that me and my sister, @birdsareblooming​ “Cori”, have both been hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog since last March. During this hyperfixation, I was on Sonic Wiki to copy-paste song lyrics onto my stolen mp3s, and I called my sister in and pointed at the template at the bottom. 

“What is this Sonic Underground thing?” I asked. “It has one shit billion songs.” 

So we clicked on the page to read about it, and each sentence we read was a punch in the gut and this quickly became the funniest thing we’d ever read. Highlights include:

It looks like this:

“Sonic[...] is known to be a prince” 

Sonic has two siblings who actually have good characterization but their names are literally just Sonia and Manic. Like. Sonic split into two names. jesus christ 

Also Sonic and his siblings all share a voice actor. honestly Jaleel White does his best with it but 

“The three siblings possess enchanted medallions that transform not only into musical instruments, but also into weapons.”

“Some fans consider Sonia to be a clone of Amy Rose, minus the attraction Amy feels for Sonic.” YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

“Manic is the most often captured of the siblings” himbo king 

Knuckles shows up, and for the first, like, two sentences his description is very similar to the game, and then you get immediately pulverized by “He has a pet Dinosaur called Chomps.”

Literally so many sentences on Sonic Wiki are lowkey salty about this show. The page features lines such as “Sonic Underground bears little relation to the often complex Sonic universe (including previous animated series, as well as Sonic comics and games), and shares only three established characters” and “many of the characters in the Freedom Fighter group that were in Sonic the Hedgehog are completely left out (including Tails).”

“The show met with mostly negative reviews.”

*checks air dates* It only lasted two goddamn months

So after seeing this we thought it was the funniest thing and we showed our older sister, @patema-introverted​ “North.” To our surprise, our at the time “knew nothing about this sonic bullshit” sister recognized the show. Turns out she’d seen trailers for it as a child and that was her sole exposure to Sonic canon. 

We were in quarantine at the time, so we ended up finding it on YouTube and binge-watching it all together as a sibling bonding activity. It was just as hilarious as we thought it would be- some stuff was legitimately good, like the sibling dialogue for instance, but good lord were the character designs ugly, the plot all over the place, and pretty much every song, um, not great. Also there was one episode that we skipped because it got, um, I think “stereotypical” is the nicest word I can use here. 

But the point is, we had a jolly good time watching it, and afterwards we binged all the other Sonic shows and bonded as a family. 

After quarantine, North and I go back to college. My roommate gets groceries at Walmart, while I get them elsewhere, so while she and North collect food I wander the DVD aisle to look at the cool movies and also dumpster-dive in the bargain bin for Cats (2019). I am also short as fuck, so the top shelf of movies I cannot see, I can only read the labels. 

So one day I was browsing the DVDs, and glancing over at the labels for the top shelf. I read over the final one before the shelves end. 

And then I stop, do a double take, and have a heart attack, because there is a label that reads “SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74″

I immediately climb the shelf but there aren’t any DVDs atop the shelf. However, the label is still there. I excitedly tell my sister and roommates, freak out with them a bit, and then give myself a mission statement:

I will buy the $4 Sonic Underground DVD from Walmart

I did not want it as a gift, I did not want to find it online. I wanted to walk into a store, pick up the Worst Sonic Show on DVD, walk it straight to the checkout, and in front of the cashier and God, pay for it with my own money. I did not care if it was the whole series or two episodes; I needed to do this for my own serotonin.

We would go to Walmart about once a week. Every time, I would go to the DVD aisle, and go right to the end of the shelves. I would stare at the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74 and empty space above it and wonder who the fuck was buying this other than me. I would occasionally ask employees if they had any copies in storage. I would build a shrine to Manic in my room. Okay, no I didn’t, but only because my RA would have murdered me. 

Christmas break comes, and we have to go home. We have a nice Christmas, and Cori and I infodump at each other about how we would make Sonic Underground a good show (note: we’re both galaxy braining) and also play Bendy and the Ink Machine. Fun times. 

When we finally get back to College, it’s late January- long story short we have a very long winter break. My roommate who gets food at Walmart got food without us the first week cause she showed up first, so we take her out to Walmart the first time in the year of our lord 2021 on January 29. 

I wander the Valentine’s aisle, immediately grabbing a sequin puppy. I go to the DVDs and see Animaniacs Season One, also grab that. 

And then.

There it is.

The Holy Grail. 

Above the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74, is one DVD left. 

Already I am losing my mind. It’s roughly seven hours of episodes- I couldn’t find an episode list, but I think that’s half the show, for $4! And the cover is amazing. 

That’s a png of Sonic from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) with a medallion badly photoshopped over it. The medallion is too small. 

Manic is shoved into the corner. He doesn’t have his medallion at all. 

Sonia isn’t even pictured on the front cover, probably because they realized she was the worst designed of the bunch. I’m not ragging on her though, because she’s still one of the better designed characters of the show. Those background characters make me cry 

So you bet your ass I finally paid my hard-earned $4 for this shit. Upon getting home, I discovered that there was even wilder shit with this DVD than I thought. 

For starters: the bonus features listed are as follows:

Original Concept Art - did not expect that these character designs were the final draft

Storyboard-to-screen - did not expect they bothered to storyboard this 

Music Video Jukebox - that’s cute, they thought we liked the music 

Interviews with original screenwriter & executive producer - I fully expect the only questions to be “why.” 

On the left of this list are screenshots from the show, where people can finally see Sonia, who we Know™ is a girl because she is pink and has hair and also an actual body shape instead of just circles like her brothers. 

But wait... what’s that in the lefthand corner? 

That looks like some kind of robot. But it’s not a robot from Sonic Underground! That didn’t appear once. Why is it here? 

The mystery continues upon opening the DVD case: inside are advertisements for other collections, including other Sonic DVDs: two volumes of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) and the final episodes of Sonic the Hedgehog “SatAM” (1993)

First of all, the first volume of AOSTH has the exact same PNG of Sonic as the Underground Volume 1. Not even trying to hide it. But second... the second volume of AOSTH also has this robot on its cover. 

And THIS ROBOT IS ALSO DECORATING THE THIRD DISC IN THE SET?

So you may be asking, who is this robot? Is it from AOSTH or Underground?

IT’S FROM FUCKING SATAM. The one show that doesn’t have it decorating the DVD covers.

Also, not only is it from SatAM, it only appears in one fucking episode. Not a major character! AND IT HAS A DIFFERENT DESIGN ON THE PROMO ART, WITH HAIR AND FANGS.

Why is it showing up everywhere? What is going on? 

I have not yet had the opportunity to watch this glorious piece of animation, but I am so glad at the confusion I have felt upon receiving it. 

But before I go, I must share with you the best part of this DVD purchase. And it was flipping to the back, scanning the details, and discovering the exact runtime of the episode collection. 

Guys, gals, and enby pals, friends and enemies, Nintendo and Sega, the first Volume of Sonic Underground has a runtime of...

420 MINUTES.

Maybe I’m wrong and this IS the best Sonic show. 

[zutaraplatter]

Avatar: The Last Airbender Critique

There are already a million of posts like this one, and I might be saying things that’ve already been said a million times but I’ve recently become reheated about the ATLA ending and wanted to let it out -_- No one asked, this is true, and this may or may not be a way to stall from this final project I still have to complete, but here’s 10 things I didn't like and/or would change about the show that likely shouldn’t need changing because they should have been done in the first place.

1. Katara should have apologized to Sokka after TSR

It should have happened and it didn't. In my canon-avoiding mind, Katara and Sokka have a heartfelt conversation where she apologizes for the awful things she said, Sokka says he forgives her and he's sorry if he wasn't as there for her as much as he should have been, which he follows up with "but I'm happy you listened to Aang and took his advice," leading into my next point

2. Katara should have said that not killing Yon Rha was her choice

And thats why it was the right one. Not because Aang already said it was wrong. No no. It was the right choice because that's what she chose. I love my mom to death and can't imagine losing her in any way, let alone the way Katara did. And I can't say for sure that if I was in her shoes that I know what I would have done f that yes I do I would have killed that motherfucker. But I also know that if Katara decided not to kill him, then that was one of two correct choices because they were Katara's choices to make. Not Aang's or anyone else's and this should have been clarified. I know it's a kids show but I said what I said. Next point.

3. Katara should have said more after telling Aang she was unsure at the Ember Island Players

Katara hasn't had any trouble saying how she feels, especially when it comes to helping others and making them feel better, whether she was right or wrong. But she holds back or overly softens blows and seems to even shrivel up at times when it comes to Aang. And me no likey. I had a boyfriend who I adored and admired and just genuinely looked up to. I'm also a shy and anxious person who hates confrontation, but because I loved him, I never refrained from telling him when he was wrong. I might have been a little shaky about it but I did it tho because when you want to be with someone you walk through the grass and stomp through the mud. And I personally feel like either in that moment or later on in an added scene that Katara should have voiced to Aang how unheard and disrespected she felt about his words before TSR and his actions on the balcony. I hate being uncomfortable and my secondhand embarrassment is toxic but I would love to see a scene of this. I always imagined Katara saying stuff like "But I'm not you Aang, and I'm not an Air Nomad," or "Zuko could understand why I needed to go, and I'd hoped you would too," or...I'm out of ideas but you get the idea. And you know what, I know I'm a hard Zutara shipper, but them having this conversation would honestly make me respect their relationship a whole lot more should it be believably written to end on a good note (I don't see how it could be but hey I'm an open minded person and I did think they were cute together once upon a time). Basically, all I'm saying is that Katara is no small voice and she should have been written that way when with Aang. Boyfriends can make you shy but should never make you weak. Period. Next point.

4. No rock! ONLY GROWTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I still squint my eyes whenever I remember that rock that unblocked Aang's chakra. What even was that? The laziest writing possible in my opinion. That's what. And Aang deserved better. What should have happened should have been that Aang started to lose to Ozai. And then as Ozai's about to deliver the finishing blow, Aang has flashbacks of everyone he's trying to save and honor, ending with a very prominent flashback of Katara with the guru's disembodied voice reminding Aang to let go of his attachments to become all he needs to be...then BOOM! Baby boy is back on his feet, chakra unblocked, he kicks Ozai's ass, I'm crying hysterically on the floor, as are the rest of us, and he wins. Then at the end of the series, instead of a kiss, he gives Katara an apology. She accepts, everyone else comes to join them on the balcony, cinematic group hug, camera pan into the sun. I don't know lol. Basically what I'm saying is that Aang did not deserve some deus ex machina. He deserved to grow and become his best self like everyone else got to.

5. Aang should have heard differently in The Storm

Katara is a very fate-minded person and this is when I saw potential for her to become a toxic character in regards to Aang. When he admits that he ran away from home 100 years ago, Katara tells him that that was basically a good thing because he was meant to be here and now. Like...no? What Aang did, though understandable for someone so young, was still wrong. Yes he would have maybe been killed but I'm like 10000000% sure they had a plan to protect and evacuate the literal avatar. And what was technically "meant to be" was a new avatar. But hey, what's done is done and kicking Aang while he's down is a no-no in this household. But that doesn't change the fact that Aang needed and deserved honesty. Maybe the fisherman could have said this, I don't know, but I feel like Aang should have been told by someone that although running away was wrong, it's a blessing he and Appa were able to survive and be able to help save the world now with his amazing friends found-family. Maybe this is too harsh, and maybe even outright wrong, but I felt like Aang deserved a truer answer here to support and comfort him.

6. MAILEE!!!!

Do I even need to go into detail?

7. Spiritual sigh*

Don't make me go into detail -_- I will say though that although Aang and Katara are both amazing individuals capable of earth shattering things, they were not a healthy fit for one another. This is evident in the original series and especially in their children from LOK. They both deserved the best but better than one another.

8. ZUTARAAAAAAA

This is a Zutara blog you KNEW this was coming, as it should. There's just too much. There's too damn much. I would give a real paragraph to this too, but, I mean, there's already so much proving that this was the pair. Fics, metas, rants, this site. Scroll through my blog or any of the ATLA related blogs I follow and...dude. These two were meant to be together and I'll mourn the narrative brilliance WASTED for no good reason every day for the rest of my life. No reason these two shouldn't be married with three kids. sob. I will take this part to say thank you to the amazing fic writers that gave Katara, Zuko, Mai, and Aang what they deserved that the writers didn't have the guts to give them themselves. Next point tho.

9. AANG AND ONJI

Good God almighty. Why not this? WHY NOT THIS? I'm putting on my bullet proof vest and I'm going to say this; Aanji is cuter than Zutara. Now before you scorn me or whatever, let me explain. Zutara for me is like steak. No. Chicken parmesan. I like chicken parmesan better. The point though is that Zutara is savory. You know? I don't see them as cute, I see them as Obviously. Aanji on the other hand is like a bag of my favorite candy. They are like a brownie. A cookie. Girl Scout Samoas!...I don't know what words are anymore. This post got way out of hand. I guess what I'm saying is that for Zutara, I scream, but for Aanji, I squeal. I hope that makes sense. But here's the main point I want to make. Onji never knew who Aang really was. And Aang was always, at his core, himself. She very obviously had a crush on Aang for his personality and that was crazy cute and frankly preferable to Katara's "I...guess he is." (you know exactly what I'm talking about) Anyway, I kept wanting more of them together. I wish all the time that we'd gotten to see her again, with a more fleshed out character and all. And in the way that I imagine the show should have gone, she could have been the perfect love interest for Aang, during this episode or way later, even in the comics! Another WASTED opportunity for greatness and I will, again, never recover T-T

10. Iroh get your ass back here

Maybe this is a misguided critique but I hated that Iroh just left Zuko alone in the fire nation at the end of the series. Baby was in trouble in every sense of the word and Iroh was just like "See ya! You got this nephew." I'm expected to believe that? I'm expected to accept that? No no no. He should have at least stayed for a few years to help Zuko stay upright and, you know, alive. And by "upright" I don't mean "good." I just mean been there to support him because Lord knows he needed it, at least in the beginning of his reign. It was cute that Iroh was able to settle down with his own teashop after all those years of violence and mourning and running and this and that. I was more than happy for him for being able to have that peace finally. But I still think it could have waited a little while longer so he could support Zuko.

That's it I guess. I know not everything I've said makes the most sense in one way or another, but I enjoyed putting it together all the same. Thank you for reading and have a great day. I'll go finish my final now.

(Edited for a typo)

[summersun4youforever]

✨ Tag 9 people to learn more about their interests!

tagged by my fav @loulovehome thank you pu hope that this quells your curiosity! 

MUSIC

fav genre? not to be that person but i think i have a toe in most genres, i suppose my favorites have got to be anything taylor swift does, pop punk, r&b pop/new age r&b, and bluegrass

fav artist? again, not to be that person but i love so many artists! let’s do this based off of genre: taylor swift, 1D, 5sos, massive focus on ZAYN, the Avett brothers, and counting crows

fav song? fav song of all time (since i was young) is going to be come around by rhett miller but more currently i’d say you are in love by taylor swift and dRuNk by ZAYN

song currently stuck in your head? i have no idea how it got there but i have stressed out by 21 pilots stuck in my head??

5 fav lyrics? ok let’s do this kids. edit: this went in a “fav love song lyrics” way so sorry in advance.

1)  I hope that I don't sound to insane when I say / There is darkness all around us / I don't feel weak but I do need sometimes for her to protect me / And reconnect me to the beauty that I'm missin' (January Wedding - The Avett Brothers)

2)  Hands around my waist / You're counting up the hills across the sheets / And I'm a falling star / A glimmer lighting up these cotton streets / I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules / But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you (Disconnected - 5sos)

3)  This is the worthwhile fight / Love is a ruthless game / Unless you play it good and right / These are the hands of fate / You're my Achilles heel / This is the golden age of something good / And right and real (State of Grace - Taylor Swift) 

4)  What if I changed my mind / What if I said it's over / I been flying so long / Can't remember what it was like to be sober / What if I lost my lives? / What if I said "Game over"? / What if I forget my lies? / And I lose all my composure (Back to Life - ZAYN)

5)   I never said I was perfect / Or you don't deserve a good person to carry your baggage / I know a few girls that can handle it / I ain't that kind of chick, but I can call 'em for you if you want / I never said that you wasn't attractive / Your style and that beard, ooh, don't get me distracted / I'm tryna be patient, and patience takes practice / The fact is I'm leaving, so just let me have this (Jerome - Lizzo)

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on

BOOKS

fav book genre? murder mystery and young love!

fav writer? jane austen, lisa jewell, and rick riordan (nostalgia ok?!)

fav book? the way i used to be my amber smith, rebecca by daphane du maurier, and then she was gone OR watching you (both by Lisa Jewell)

fav book series? i guess the whole percy jackson situations? i have everything RR every wrote, and i liked it all but i havent touched the older ones in ages

comfort book? not one specifically but the nancy drew books

perfect book to read on a rainy day? bird summons by leila aboulela

5 quotes from your fav book that you know by heart? i hope i can name five...

1)  “The point is, life has to be endured, and lived. But how to live it is the problem.” “I am no traveller, you are my world.” (both are My Cousin Rachel by Daphne Du Maurier)

2)  “And I’m terrified he’ll see through the tough iceberg layer, and he’ll discover not a soft, sweet girl, but an ugly fucking disaster underneath.” (The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith)

3)  "I cannot make speeches, Emma," he soon resumed; and in a tone of such sincere, decided, intelligible tenderness as was tolerably convincing. "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it. Bear with the truths I would tell you now, dearest Emma, as well as you have borne with them. The manner, perhaps, may have as little to recommend them. God knows, I have been a very indifferent lover. But you understand me. Yes, you see, you understand my feelings and will return them if you can. At present, I ask only to hear, once to hear your voice.” (Emma by Jane Austen) (sorry for the length, the shortened versions were not cutting it for me)

4)  “Read, read, read. That's all I can say.” (The Secret of the Old Clock by Carolyn Keene)

5)  “...amazing how boring you can get away with being when you’re pretty. No one seems to notice. When you’re pretty everyone just assumes you must have a great life. People are so short-sighted, sometimes. People are so stupid. I have a dark past and I have dark thoughts. I do dark things and I scare myself sometimes.” (Invisible Girl by Lisa Jewell)

hardcover or paperback | buy or rent | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or during the day | reading at home or in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or multiple POVS | judging by the covers or by the summary (im a very judgmental reader) | rereading or reading just once

TV AND MOVIES

fav tv/movie genre? i like dramedies, mockumentaries, and procedurals 

fav movie? ive got a massive list on my phone but ill pick Doob (No Bed of Roses) and 3-Iron as my favs for today

comfort movie? 2000s romcoms, im talking clueless, 13 going on 30, how to loe a guy in ten days, ten things i hate abt you, legally blonde

movie you watch every year? mamma mia and all listed in prev question

fav tv show? too many, currently im rewatching arrested development

comfort tv show? new girl

most rewatched tv show? new girl

ultimate otp? shawn and jules from psych (ultimate bc ive been watching since diapers literally)

5 fav characters? winston bishop, stiles stilinski, bellamy blake, clarke griffin, lydia martin

tv shows or movies | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or off | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online

super fun even though it took me an hour lmao, I'm tagging @technosoot @hometothecanyonmoon @sassylilnoodle @sushiniall @rosegold-thorns no pressure and sorry if youve already been tagged!

edit: i somehow managed to forget what i consider to be one of the greatest opening verses ever???? so bonus lyrics:

Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog / Where no one notices the contrast of white on white / And in between the moon and you / The angels get a better view / Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right (Round Here - Counting Crows)

[the-paris-of-people]

Hi. This is really not a question but more of a rant. A really really long one. I apologize in advance. I honestly care waaaaayyyy too much about this show than I should. Clearly too bored🙈.

After reading people's comments on this show and the ships, there are so many things that irk me and I thought I'd share even if I might get crap for it. So here goes:

1. "Ben only wants Devi when she is with Paxton." I.e. it's about Paxton. Lol people are funny. As though Ben thinks he can compete with Paxton on a social level. He's not stupid, he knows full well he can't. It's about Devi and in part her obsession with Paxton. People don't like thinking about things from Ben's perspective because they just don't like him. He's the one that finds out Devi is cheating, she runs after Paxton at the party ( now granted before she runs out, she's intensely staring at Ben and then realises Paxton is leaving but Ben's not gonna remember that) and she was busy chumming it up with Paxton in episode 3 in front of Ben with absolute disregard for him. So his natural defence is to guard himself and have his walls go up. It is a valid response. He burries his pain (exactly what Samberg said). And does not let his guard down around her romantically until episode 10 when Paxton literally rejects her at school. At the school dance, sparks are flying between those 2. Is Paxton around at the time...Uhm no (I'll get into the whole Aneesa thing). In his mind Paxton is out of the picture and it's like he can almost trust her again. And then when Paxton shows up with Devi, he basically feels like a fool for ever thinking that he was ever something more than 2nd best or sometimes anything at all ( especially considering Devi still wants Paxton after Devi and Paxton's last public interaction that Ben witnessed- I mean he does not get to see the shit behind closed doors). But then when Eleanor spills the tea, that look on his face is disbelief, yes a little bit of jealousy but overwhelmingly heartbreak. He is essentially watching the chance he never knew he had go away. Now you could argue that he should have known that she wanted him back but she broke his trust and does not explicitly say, " I want you back". Ben's not trying to get burnt again based on some assumption/hunch. He has been wrong before.

2. "How dare Ben be upset that Devi is with Paxton when he is with Aneesa". Fair point. Just like how dare Devi be upset and lose her shit over Ben and Aneesa. But yet it still happend. Devi gets 5 episodes allowing her to be upset and Ben can't even have one moment when a firkken bomb gets dropped on him.

Aneesa and Ben should have never date. Everyone knows that. He was never over Devi. He just pushed those feelings down to make him believe he was over her. I obviously don't agree with this. Aneesa doesn't deserve that. Ben needs to go to therapy. He needs an outlet. He is similar to Devi in that he doesn't want to process what happened and would rather move on and react. However, his reactions are far less impulsive/severe as Devi's. Him dating Aneesa is unfortunately a reaction. He didn't give himself time to really process how he feels. People say he dated Aneesa solely to spite Devi which is not true. Is there an element of " you never wanted me but someone else does"... absolutely but Aneesa is also very kind to Ben, they get along really well and she puts him first. Technically what's not to like. I mean if it was just to spite Devi, could he have not tried to hustle his way back in with Shira?? Problem is that dumb dumb didn't work through his Devi feelings and let's just be honest, the same spark and chemistry he has with Devi, is missing with Aneesa. It often feels forced, especially in regards to the pace of the relationship. I so wished Aneesa remained friends with Ben. That's what he needed...not another relationship.

3. "Aneesa is so amazing, she doesn't deserve to get hurt." I agree. She absolutely doesn't deserve to get hurt just like Ben and Paxton didn't deserve that crap Devi pulled. I think Aneesa is a great addition and I like that Devi has someone within her community to connect to. I'm South Asian myself and I genuinely value this aspect of my own life. I mean she is pretty great, kind and the anorexia rumour Devi unintentionally started was pretty heartbreaking. That scene where she talks to Devi at the relay about it, is so sad (especially coz we as viewers know Devi messed up). Now that being said is Aneesa also low key shady? YES. And it's not because she dated her friend's ex. It's because she started dating him knowing that Devi started the rumour about her because she was jealous about Ben and her. How does she think Devi would go from being so jealous that she starts a rumour, to the next week becoming their biggest "Stan". Come on girl. But there was no way Devi could say no after the crap she pulled with Aneesa. Ben did ask her out so if there is blame, he absolutely gets it too but he didn't know why Devi started that rumour (based on his surprised AF face when Eleanor spills the tea). Which leads me to my next question. Why didn't Aneesa tell him? Aneesa said Ben was supporting her through the rumour. She probably told him Devi started the rumour but didn't tell him why? That is odd? Clearly if Ben had known, he may changed his perspective on Devi actually wanting him instead of ignoring his feelings.

Lastly Aneesa knows there are unresolved feelings between Devi and Ben. This is evident from that dance scene. She literally runs to cut in their pretty intense conversation. Like why you running girl? I didn't think much of it at first but coupled with another moment, it makes a lot of sense. When Ben agrees to dance with Aneesa, he looks back at Devi and lingers and Aneesa picks up on this and pulls him away. It's a blink and you will miss it moment but it is there.

Now all of this doesn't mean she needs to get hurt but they probably need to break up. Ben needs to be single for a while and work through how he feels about Devi, Aneesa and most importantly himself. Whilst I don't particularly enjoy their relationship, you never get to see it from either of their perspectives. Maybe that could change things but honestly I just prefer Ben and Devi.

Also can everyone stop acting like Ben is dating Devi's best friend. Being brown doesn't make you automatically best friends and Ben and Devi met Aneesa the same week. People are acting like he is dating Eleanor.

4. "Devi chose Paxton". Please! The only thought through decision that girl made in regards to these 2 boys is when she chose herself and decided not to be Paxton's little secret. I mean in episode 1 and 2 she can't decide so she dates both. In episode 3, she interacts with Paxton because of the whole tutoring thing. He says they don't makes sense. While she seems a bit sad she doesn't seem too upset like she is season 1 and she isn't looking for any opportunity to spend time with him (unlike season 1). Episode 4,5,6,7 and 8 she is losing her mind over Ben. Half way through 8 she knows she has no choice but to let him go. But even after that she doesn't pursue Paxton. He does that at the end of episode 9 when in all honesty she hasn't really thought about him in a while. Then of course Paxton does what he does and she finally choose herself, issuing an ultimatum essentially. Paxton does eventually show up...but it's a choice by default. She just yo-yo's between them. She also needs to be single, deal with her loss, love herself and think about what she wants.

5. "Devi loves Paxton". Sure bud. Does have Devi have feeling for Paxton? Duh! But is it love. Nope. People like to confuse infatuation for love. She has been infatuated with this boy this the 3rd (she knew squat about him). When her dad died, she turns that infatuation into an obsession. It like becomes a full time hobby in season 1. She ruins relationships over it. In season 2 you can argue there is more depth to it and Paxton does grow in Season 2. But somehow she is still fixated on the fact that it's Paxton Hall-Yoshida. I mean she smells him (totally normal), Mc Enroe's comment at the relay was, "did this hunk of beef just say he likes spending time with her", when she breaks up him she says , "you are very good at kissing" not possibly any of his other good qualities. And at the end she says , "I guess I'm Paxton Hall Yoshida's girlfriend now". This boy is so far up a pedestal that if he fell of it, he'd break something. Now granted if he fell of it in Season 1, he'd be dead. So progress I guess...

Maybe the relationship will change in Season 3 and she genuinely falls in love with him. I mean Id be sad but obviously a real possibility. But also that relationship needs to move on from being just the "Paxton project" which it was basically all of season 2. Maybe actually talk about her every once in a while.

Also people who find the ending so amazing because he shows up...bare minimum bro. I understand his perspective, how does it look to go back with someone who cheated on you. Fair point 💯. However she didn't start this shit up again. He did. He liked her so much that he had to make out with her In the middle of the night out of the blue but not enough to respect her publically. That's some BS right there. If he started it, he should have thought it through instead of guilt tripping her. But he is a teenager and ALL of them make incredibly stupid decisions (we all have). Devi messed up big time too and she apologized. The same compassion must extend to him but in no way is it a grand gesture, it's the bare minimum...like her apologies

6. "Paxton forgave Devi forgave Devi so quickly whilst Ben didn't and was so mean". He did forgive her pretty quickly. Good for him. However let's not act like circumstance didn't carve the way for that. They were pushed together because of the whole tutoring thing and he knows that they have to see each other all the time. So logically just makes sense to keep the peace. But still mature oh his part. Also he wasn't as emotionally invested as Ben. Did he have feelings? Yes. However, based on his inner monologue (Gigi Hadid) his ego took more of a hit because how could Devi, the "weirdest girl" he ever liked two time him with Ben Gross. Did his feelings deepen by the end? Yes. But at the start...it isn't that deep.

Also it's great and all that he "forgave" her so quickly but he sure did like bringing it up a lot. Like at the relay guilting her, upset at the end of 6 because he failed...I mean wtf girl you owe me- I don't really care what else is going on in your life, again in episode 8 in the car and finally we all know the mess that is episode 10.

In regards to Ben. His anger is justified for reasons stated in point 1. In fact his reaction seems more real because he is deeply hurt by Devi. Do I like some of his reaction (i.e. nose piercing-will discuss this further) ...nope but she only sincerely apologises to him in episode 8 vs 3 for Paxton. He accepts it. People acting like they would be so calm and chill about being cheated on. And yes he did cheat on Shira. He tries to kiss Devi at party twice but apologises that day and the following week. He doesn't try anything with Devi the whole of episode 10 until she kisses him. He acknowledges that it was wrong and immediately breaks up with Shira. Although cheating is not something we should condone can we actually acknowledge that Shira was the worst and doesn't even remember Ben's name. Compare that to Devi's premeditated cheating. Her Eleanor are literally laughing at how amazing they are for pulling it off and Devi didn't care about either of their feelings cause she was going to be India. Sorry but that is far worse. She also thinks she can bullshit her apology with Ben. He isn't here for that...which is fine! He kept trying his level best to avoid her but even that she wouldn't let him do.

7. "Ben is Horrible". Has Ben done some shitty things. Absolutely. People complain that he has never apologised for anything. Fair enough. He needs to apologize for the UN comment and the psychosomatic comment. It was incredibly hurtful. However, no one does call him out of it. Now you could argue he should just do it. Please... have you watched these particular set of teenagers? None of them apologise without being called out on it first(except maybe Fabiola). And you only get called out my your support system ... which Ben does not have. He practically looks like he raised himself. He doesn't have parents to put him back in line or a sister to call him out on his shit. Devi has her mom, cousin, grandmum , Elanor, Fabiola and her therapist. Does she ever listen to them the first time? Nope. And her first time apologies are such messes. She only gets it right the 2nd or 3rd time. All of them have some form of support but not really him. And it is heartbreaking. It's why I genuinely believe he needs to go to therapy. He needs an outlet to express everything he feels. He also needs to be held accountable for those comments and understand the root of it (ok let's be honest Devi even in their rivalry was probably the most constant person in his life, and fighting with her meant she stayed close by- it's a subconscious thing). He should apologize to her and also find better ways to communicate what he is feeling. The nose ring thing was manipulative. I agree. He should apologize. But I'm not gonna lie, it doesn't piss me off as much because I think it's pretty messed that it took that for her to realise how much she hurt him. Also tbh if you were willing to alter your body on a 2 minute thought out dare, you wanted to do it anyway. But again not a healthy way to emote on Ben's part. The David thing doesn't upset me because he knows how to pronounce her actual name. It's not like he doesn't know how and doesn't bother to try. It was part of their rivalry to irritate her. I honestly find it quite endearing as part of their friendship and think Devi does. I may be wrong and she may not like it and in that case he needs to stop and apologize.

I am not upset by him coming over to her house and calling her out about Aneesa. She deserved it. Also if she was that uncomfortable she could have taken him outside to talk like she did with Paxton. She is clearly comfortable enough to have him in the house. And her therapist agrees with Ben. If he hadn't, she wouldnt have known that Aneesa was leaving. Her mom took away her phone. And even then her first attempt at an apology was soooooo bad. And I don't think Ben did it solely to get Aneesa to stay so he could date her. This is Ben, he was willing to do long distance with Devi from India, I think he could have done the same with Aneesa from like the same town 🙄

I genuinely like Ben because he is a good kid. He makes mistakes like they all do. His personality is hilarious to watch but also his and Devi's relationship is so special. Me liking Ben and Devi has nothing to do with what Paxton has or has not done. I just like the dynamic between the two. They obviously care deeply for each other. Their conversations are hilarious. I love their banter. I love how comfortable they are with each and am sometimes surprised by the depth of their conversations. But also they have amazing chemistry. All the jealous looks and angst are between these two idiots pining for each other. I think she does have chemistry with Paxton but it's more because he is PHY, school Adonis. I mean let's be honest, he'd probably have chemistry with Fabiola solely cause he is PHY. The two nerds just match each other and it's so funny how often they are in sync. It's honestly adorable. They just get each other. That bathroom scene was the sweetest thing and also proves he's not this terrible person. She only comes out of the stall because of his support. He is genuinely hurt for her when technically it should have been a great moment for him.

I do believe the two have to be single for a bit before admitting their feelings for one another and moving forward. That's why my main thing for season 3 is that he absolutely cannot interfere in her relationship with Paxton. He needs to give her the space to figure that. Do I think there will be moments between them... absolutely but no cheating please. Everyone needs to move on from that. If they do it...I honestly think il be done with the show.

Anyways sorry for the really long ramble. If you made it to the end thanks for your patience 😌

Thank you for this beautiful masterpiece, I pretty much agree with everything and need to put it out there for the world to see

[just-like-playing-tag]

How did sexism play a role in affecting tpn?

※ I'm not tagging this as spoiler since I think it might be of interest for anime onlys as well, however some manga events and characters are mentioned here. It's not any major plot point, but pay special attention or avoid reading this if you don't want to stumble across any spoiler at all.

I don't think Anon follows my blog (otherwise the question would have most likely come a long time ago, since sexism in the second season of the anime is an issue I have mentioned several times already), so I think it's fine to link back to all the posts I could find that addressed the matter. Here's some posts that underline in what ways the anime has been sexist:

First of all you'll want to read this post: as I hope to have made clear, it is not only about what she's wearing, it's never about what a girl is wearing.

Secondly here is an early reaction to episode 5 that hopefully clears up what's wrong with Emma's character in the second season

Further readings that address to the matter, approximately in chronological order from when I first read them:

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ (in my tags to the post)

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ (I think this post summarizes pretty well what makes Emma so amazing and revolutionary both as a female protagonist and as a shonen jump protagonist and cutting all of this from her character is, in my opinion, automatically sexist)

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ (in my tags to the post)

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧ (this one is in Turkish but can be easily understood with the support of an online translator)

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

Probably more were made when episosode 6 came out, but I haven't been following the anime as much since episosode 5 so I can't know. Maybe if I'll find any new post on the matter I'll update this ask.

Anyway, to sum up the main points:

• Emma wears a skirt for no reason, enforcing female clothing categories

• Emma is the only girl showed hunting; additionally, her hunting skills are significantly decreased compared to her manga abilities

• Emma isn't the one to kill the wild demon, and the moment was given to her male counterpart to shine

• The fact that Emma was shown being interested in the shelter garden, while in the manga it was so beautiful to have gender roles subverted with her going out haunting and her male counterpart cooking

• The fact that as soon as Emma loses the support of her (occasionally implied love interest) other male counterpart she becomes weak and depressed and useless

• The fact that she thinks she was wrong and naïve not believing in her male friends' words and following her ideals instead (which is so dumb like... Yeah Emma it surely would have been better to leave them all to die)

• The fact that in the demon town she's the only one not carrying a bow to defend herself (?????)

• How she was clearly dumbed up (though this happened to pretty much all the GF children)

• How Emma has lost all her leader qualities she showed in the manga

• Look the simple fact that. I can't think of a significative thing she's done since the start of the second season. She didn't provide for everyone's food. She didn't make any plan to go save Phil. She's just been crying over herself as the next shonen female side character (can she even be considered the protagonist at this point??)

• One of the most striking things is how anime Emma compared to manga Emma has lost all of her independence and individuality. She has no plan, no idea on how to go on, and is quite literally waiting for some (guy) to come and save her. The way Norman was introduced in the anime as a savior was so upsetting.

• Honestly I consider having cut out so many arcs that showed how strong, resilient, brave, determined she is to be sexist on its own

• The only thing that's left of her character is being kind which is... Honestly extremely problematic. One thing is to show a complex and multilayered character who, among many other qualities and strong points, is also kind and emphatic; another thing is enduring the stereotype that kindness and empathy are the only characteristics girls can have.

• Emma is kind, but not stupid; she doesn't like to kill demons, but she won't hesitate to do so in case they create an immediate danger for her family. Her helping the demon at the temple doesn't make any sense.

And this is only about Emma. It's clearly sexist:

• Don's line in episode 4 that literally translates to “don't cry Rossi, boys don't cry” that is,,,, not only unspeakably gross, but also unbelievably ooc from Don who always supports his family and has cried like five times in the manga, always without an ounce of shame.

• Cutting the scene of Gilda being badass in chapters 59 and 96, that featured her repeatedly threatening a grown-up man

• Not including an arc with amazing female characters with breathtaking fights. In Goldy Pond all the girls are always displayed as being equal to guys in their fighting skills; the best (or at least very talented) snipers are considered to be girls, while the medics are two guys (I like to stress this point because it would have been very easy to introduce a sweet kind nurse girl in that role).

• Honestly cutting Gillian deserves to be mentioned on its own. Such a great complex female character. Her role in Goldy Pond was outstanding, and her scenes in chapters 110, 130, 145 and 172 give so much deepness to her character. Moreover, showing how she doesn't sympathize with demons makes her a nice counterpart to Emma, building a solid cast of diverse female characters with different inclinations and natures. Not to mention how we won't have Gillian chosing to support Emma no matter her opinions, which was such an heartwarming example of girls supporting each other. Honestly I can't not consider sexist to exclude such a well written female character.

• Cutting Anna being praised without shame or envy by her male friends to have become the best of them all in the medicine field (a field women have a particularly hard time being employed in), and her male friends aknoweledging how hard she worked to get her competence.

This is only on top of my mind but there's definitely more. Additionally, we still have to see whether they're intentioned to include Ayshe (a great woc who is mysterious, reserved and an impressive fighter, typical qualities assigned to males) and Legravalima (a badass villain who is greedy and at the top of the demon society, again a typically male role). The changes of Isabella's storyline most likely mean they're also going to change (or fully skip) chapter 170, which was such an empowering moment for the mamas and made such a nice metaphor of women overthrowing an oppressive system to find freedom.

Honestly, I could have ignored some of these things had they been lone cases, but all of this together? Again, I'm not saying that CloverWorks is entirely bad, but the second season of the tpn anime surely cannot be praised for its female representation.

[riathedreamer]

You asked for it: live thoughts from Ria and @creatrixanimi​ watching RvB Zero.

So, after having a movie night the day before (third movie night in a week, actually, we are very productive) watching Neil Breen movies and “Cool Cat”, it was now time to touch upon Zero. Sadly, Zero does not belong in the “so bad it’s good” category, but alas, Ria had to spoil Haley’s innocence.

This is not a proper edited review, but just snippets of our live reaction while watching the thing together. We are not drunk, but this continued way past midnight for Ria, so maybe her brain isn’t fully functioning. Also, Ria is a potty mouth because cursing is easy when it’s not your native language. Enjoy.

Episode 1:

Ria: I can’t figure out if they were trying to do a Grif and Simmons parallel with those two random guards talking outside, the ones with the Wash retconning.

Haley: Their armor doesn’t cover their noses. 

Ria: That’s gotta be cold. Frostbitten noses.

...

Haley: There is no exposition. Like, it feels like the writers had their idea and know what is going on, but we don’t so it just feels weird and random. It feels like a Marvel movie.

Ria: Is that a compliment? I haven’t watched Marvel.

Haley: Not a good one.

 ...

Ria: This episode isn’t that bad in itself. But it’s just there to establish that the OG characters can’t beat this new villain, but the new guys can, and, urgh.

 ...

Episode 2:

[The shot focuses on One’s behind.]

Ria’s dirty mind: Ass.

 ...

Ria: STOP CALLING HIM DAVID.

...

Ria: I like this character, but I don’t remember his name.

Haley: Raymond.

Ria: This is why we need a name system like with the Freelancers and states. Should’ve just been numbers all the way through. Except Eleven, you fucking whore.

 ...

Haley at the sight of Raymond’s phone: It’s so big.

Ria: It’s the future. I can believe it.

 ...

Ria: Here’s the thing driving me crazy. Axel is a normal name in Denmark. But like, only old people use it. I know two Axels and they are both older than eighty. So that’s when I think of when I see Axel.

 ...

[After the whole training montage where we are introduced to the characters, we are still confused.]

Ria: I can’t remember their names.

Haley: Well, they didn’t show all of them. They didn’t show One.

Ria: They did!

Haley: They did?

Ria: Wow. So we got all that tell and no show, and we are still confused.

 ...

Haley: When it comes to genre, it’s actually not that bad with the narrated tell and don’t show. If it wanted to be a cheesy/bad action movie, that’s a trope that’s used relatively frequently in the genre. It’s a bad action movie. But it’s not RvB. It’s kinda like a particularly bad Marvel movie.

Ria: You’re really not selling me on the Marvel movies tonight.

 ...

Ria: I know I’m just a sucker for Joe, but I keep thinking of s15. Like, here they just use the files as a cheap way to introduce the characters. But like, in s15, Dylan just read out loud Grif’s file, and it was not to introduce him, but like, to show the complexity of the characters and go against the files? I don’t know, it just seems way cooler now.

 ...

[After the whole “what’s East’s deal” scene, we were so confused. Literally paused for five minutes trying to figure who was whose dad and why and what. How many daughters did Axel have? And where are they? We were just lost. Future Haley: Him waxing poetic about his daughters while watching the two girls in his team train confused me like I thought he was talking about East and One and couldn’t count sdfghjk. Future Ria: I’d even watched the show before and I was still confused.]

Ria: I can’t figure out if they’re too fast or if we’re just stupid.

Haley: It’s like I’m trying to remember the details but it all slips through my fingers.

Ria: The whole Zero experience is to feel too old for this shit.

 ...

Ria: STOP FUCKING CALLING HIM DAVID

 ...

One: This is how it’s done, grandma.

Ria: Fuck you.

 ...

Episode 3:

Haley: People would like it if they love dumb action shows. It works as a mindless action show.

 ...

Haley: So this is a temple?

Ria: I hate the worldbuilding. Is this the same planet as before? Like, Chorus had temples, but it also had lore about it. Is this the same sort of temples?

Haley: So shouldn’t this temple have its own key? Why do they need to include Tucker? It makes no sense for the temple to require a totally different sword from a different planet.

Ria: So they could beat him up ‘cause OG characters are weak now.

 ...

Haley: I don’t like the training scenes. They are so long and boring.

Ria: This is like the third episode where they are training. Holy shit.

 ...

Haley: It’s not that bad. But if you like Red vs. Blue, it’s not something for you. They aren’t really comparable.

Ria: I just don’t understand what they wanted to continue for Red vs. Blue. Like, it’s not the worldbuilding or the plot or the characters. I just don’t get it.

 ...

Haley: Raymond is the best character.

Ria: I like Raymond.

Haley: He’s RvB. He should be the main character.

 ...

Ria: Did East just use the “I’m not like the other (girls)” line?

Haley: I don’t like her. She’s a brat. Why did Carolina have to apologize? They were just training, this is something she’s gonna have to deal with on a daily basis lmao.

Ria: Didn’t Carolina have a cast on her arm? It’s gone now. I can’t keep up with the timeline. So, she’s healed, but how long was Wash gone? They are so vague about everything. Worldbuilding, timeline, motivations.

 ...

Ria: …Did Carolina just say she’d suit up? While wearing a full armor suit?

 ...

[And this is where the cursed part takes place. To talk, we’d often pause the thing. Here, I randomly paused during the introduction for Starlight Laboratories. There’s a desk in the shot. With a fucking marker on it.]

Haley: That’s a Crayola marker. That’s a Crayola marker on the table.

Ria: Glad we can appreciate the details by pausing.

[Haley then missed the entire Axel flashback scene because she was too busy looking up pictures of Crayola markers. When this is revealed, Ria lost it for like, three minutes]

Haley: I had that marker as a kid. 

Ria: So 4/5 stars for the marker?

Haley: They were supposed to smell like blueberries or something but they just smelled like chemicals.

Ria: This is the most excited we’ve been about Zero so far.

[Future Haley: I was literally laugh-crying you dont understand. This was the best part of the show.]

...

Episode 4:

Ria: They all have super powers. It’s so weird.

Haley: I keep thinking they are gonna explain stuff. But they don’t. So I’m just confused.

 ...

[Haley has now brought forth all the markers in her room to find a Crayola one. She drops them all on the floor. Ria loses it again.] [Future Haley update: I found a yellow one it smells like lemons :)]

 ...

Ria: They are all glowing and have super powers. It’s weird. Like, I know we had super powered armor before but that was all connected to AIs. I don’t get how all of this works. They don’t have AIs.

 ...

[We both agree that we enjoy Raymond and Tiny. Bless them.]

 ...

Ria: It’s weird. The dialogue is so oblivious, it comments on its own mistakes. Like, Carolina just acknowledged Wash has had a computer in his head before. But they don’t acknowledge the whole canonical lore about his trauma regarding computers in his head and why he’d hate this. Same with the name David. They just noticed that it’s his first name and that’s how they’d show how close Carolina is with him, but they didn’t acknowledge the canon lore that Wash dislikes people using his first name.

 ...

Episode 5:

Haley: Why didn’t they use Locus’ sword instead. It’d make more sense. He’s the one travelling around planets and wanting to help people?? 

Ria: What’s the worldbuilding here? Is Tucker on the same planet? Is this Earth? Chorus?

 ...

Haley: Gotta love it when they make Tucker hit on teenagers.

Ria: Oh god why did they make East 18.

 ...

Haley: They should have done something with the Warthog song, even if that’s a Red Team thing.

Ria: I miss Red Team.

 ...

Ria: Wait, so if these three swords are connected, why can the two first ones move by themselves and they have like super powers connected to them? When Tucker’s sword is just boring? They didn’t even make a joke about how the two new swords are longer than Tucker’s.

 ...

Tucker: I’m fine, I have my sword.

Ria: That line is so tragic in hindsight.

 ...

One: It’s Tucker. He is dead.

Carolina: Oh my god.

Haley: *laughs her ass off*

 ...

Haley: I don’t understand why anyone is doing anything.

Ria: Your brain is still thinking about that fucking marker.

 ...

Episode 6:

Ria: The dialogue did it again! Wash just said “amazing medical tech”. Like, he points out a plot hole. Because that amazing tech can heal brain injuries and bring people back from death, but East had to be tortured for years to heal her vague illness? Like, why couldn’t their amazing tech fix that.

 ...

[While watching the design of the temple.]

Ria: It looks like those are just plates glued to the wall. Dinner is served.

 ...

Haley: There is no logical reason why they brought in Tucker. His sword isn’t even from this planet.

Ria: To lure in fans.

 ...

Haley in a very sad voice: The speech wasn’t good.

 ...

Episode 7:

Ria: Is all of this happening on the same planet? They keep driving. The worldbuilding is so weird. At least earlier RvB made a joke about how they could just drive everywhere. This is like a big desert, a training base, laboratory, city and temples and Tucker’s workplace, and I don’t know if it’s even on the same planet.

 ...

Ria: Diesel is just standing there waiting while they outfit Carolina.

Haley: It’s like a video game.

 ...

Ria: The temple’s walls are filled with runes.

Haley: It feels like a free/bought asset. It doesn’t even look like the temples on Chorus. It looks like something in WoW or something like that.

Ria: It’s driving me mad. I can read runes! Imagine a big boss fight and the freaking alphabet is plastered on the walls. That’s what I’m looking at.

 ...

Haley: Zero is such a boring villain. It’s not interesting when we don’t know what this “power” actually is or what he wants to do with it.

 ...

Ria: That’s the helmet Spencer wore.

Haley: Oh god I forgot about him.

Ria: So did the writers.

Haley: Spencer should have been the real villain.

 ...

Haley: *sees the random model of the temple guardian alien* I miss Santa.

 ...

Episode 8:

Ria: The aliens are just dancing in the background while Carolina is fighting Diesel.

Haley laughing: Oh my god, they are. They are just jumping up and down.

 ...

Ria: So, the villain just turned overpowered, and the solution is that Raymond just flicks a switch we haven’t heard about and now the heroes are overpowered too?

Haley: It just makes them shiny. And like... they don’t even use the “power”, they don’t fight him with their powers which only some of them have, they just shoot their ordinary guns at him while doing unnecessary flips.

Ria: I just remembered Church’s dick switch. That had more dramatic buildup.

 ...

Axel: You’re too cocky for that.

Ria’s dirty brain: Cock.

 ...

Post Zero thoughts:

[Ria returns from bathroom break and Haley is proudly showing off her marker over video cam.]

Haley: There was too much going on so I just focused on the marker.

Ria: So how many stars would you give it?

Haley: It’s really bad.

Ria: How many stars for marker representation?

Haley: Three out of five. It was only there for a second.

 ...

Haley: In the beginning, it wasn’t that bad. It was dumb, but also fun and sorta cool. But then it just went on for too long and they didn’t explain anything properly and it stopped being fun really fast. But I can see why some people might enjoy it. Like, you’d love it for its action but only that. Not for plot and/or the character writing.

Ria: I think my biggest problem is the worldbuilding. They kept everything so vague because they didn’t want to connect, not really. Like, where is this happening? When? Why are Carolina and Wash there? Like, the motivations for all the characters were so vague as well.

 ...

Haley: Raymond was great. He had personality and some good lines. And he felt like RvB. Like, he used his brain and actually got shit done, but he also wasn’t over-powered. He followed a similar character arc to what the Reds and Blues had. He sucks at fighting but he’s efficient and smart in a practical way with his rocket launcher. He does the most and he doesn’t stop being a goofball! Even Zero was focused on stopping him the most at the end. And he didn’t need to do any stupid flips.

 ...

Haley: The borrowed assets annoyed me. It ended up looking stupid, like, the temple felt more like fantasy than science fiction. And nothing like Chorus. And normally, RvB doesn’t have to worry about being cohesive because all of the designs are from Halo so it all makes sense and it’s connected. But this is just so random it feels distracting, I feel like this is a big reason people felt that Zero was so jarring… but on a subconscious level. It just felt off and there was no cohesive design. Also everything looked like it was made for video games and not modified at all for the show.

 ...

Haley: Honestly I was optimistic at first but then I got confused really fast and it kept getting worse because it was so fast. They didn’t explain stuff properly or at all. Like, they made it too big. Should have been smaller. I thought going with the “Starlight Labs is evil and needs to go down” plot would have been A LOT better and would have tied together multiple aspects of the story that the temple plot didn’t.

Ria: If I had the power which I don’t, I dunno, but I if the main point was to introduce new characters, I’d keep them tied to lore and worldbuilding we already know. So we don’t get so confused and it doesn’t feel so disconnected. Like, I’m still in love with the idea that it should have been Carolina on Chorus dealing with these soldiers who have been fighting all their lives and now don’t have to do that anymore. But maybe Chorus still needing an army, and that’s why she is training it. I don’t know, but like, familiar, build on what we know. And then they wouldn’t be superpowered, but like, just competent-ish but normal soldiers and we’d get to know them better, but I just think Zero just wanted them to be these super cool soldiers even better than Carolina so they could pull off all the fight scenes. ‘Cause it’s all Zero has going for it. The fight scenes. It’s its strength and weakness ‘cause they sacrificed everything else to look cool. And it does. But it’s boring and there is nothing else going on.

��...

Ria: I’m still so annoyed about the temples. Why are they there? Like, on Chorus it was a big thing, also plotwise, but it had lore connected to it and the worldbuilding explained it. So, where are these temples? A different planet, right? Is it the same aliens? Are people just cool with the temples? Why haven’t they been explored before. Chorus made sure to explain all of that.

 ...

Haley: The West and East scene-

Ria: Feast.

Haley: Confused me. ‘cause West didn’t really regret anything. He just said why he did it. And then all of the sudden East forgave him and rejoined the team. It was so weird. He doubled down on the thing she hated him for so much I was like “Wow he’s kinda an asshole” and then all of a sudden she was on his side? What?

 ...

Haley: Zero does its job if you want action and nothing else. And it’s not RvB. Don’t watch it if you like RvB. And I just want to acknowledge that we are nitpicking. Quite a bit. I’ll admit that. But, I wouldn’t nitpick the other RvB seasons the same way because the old RvB never took itself seriously the way Zero did.

Ria: I agree. We are nitpicking. But like, that’s why we have the movie nights.

Haley: But we are also allowed to criticize it. You can do that with any season. And with the other seasons, you could nitpick it and you can find stuff you don’t like, but there are always stuff you do like or that other people like. I just can’t find anything about Zero that I like. Besides Raymond.

Ria: Yeah. Like, I really love 15. And it had so many flaws people pointed out. And when it comes to criticism and Zero, I just don’t see many points about why people like it. They are allowed to do that though. But, like, we could have a movie night where we watch the Chorus seasons and we’d nitpick so much because we both have issues with it, but there is still so much stuff we’d still like.

Haley: I like Raymond though. He’s like Grimmons lovechild.

Ria: No. Fuck you. Don’t put that in my brain.

 ...

Haley: Raymond being in this… I want to say it feels like the Freelancers seasons but if Grif was part of the team or something. But that’s just “Hit and Run”. *laughs*

Ria: NO! That’s cursed. Shut up. Also, the Freelancers were way better written.

Haley: And those seasons made better sense.

Ria: And like, the Freelancer seasons did the thing with change of tone and have these new and super cool characters and fight scenes. But they kept half of the seasons to be around the Reds and Blues so we still had the humor and the dumbasses, and Zero just, it didn’t connect.

 ...

Haley: So, I have some thoughts on Zero.

Ria: I know, you fuck, I had to write them all down by hand.

Haley: I like bad movies, actually, but Zero didn’t stay fun, so no, I didn’t enjoy it.

 ...

Ria: Do you forgive me for making you watch Zero?

Haley: Yeah.

Ria: What should we watch next?

...

Also, Haley dressed up her dog for the event and you all deserve to see her:

[harveyscape]

IM BORED. my top three farscape eps from each season::::::: looking at these i think season two has the best EPISODE concepts (it was hard choosing faves from that season bc i love so many) but season 4 is my favorite for just,,,,,,, the hecking Yearning + domestication in each episode but i dont particularly favor the episodes themselves 

Season 1:

through the looking glass - i always saw this ep as being the first completely filler ep that really felt like farscape with the crew all working together and having a VERY CUTE little laugh about it at the end. i love the vagueness of it, it’s not annoying or cliche??? and i’m particularly fond of the yellow moya scenes like rygel’s like “shall i disrobe so it will be memorable” is one of my fave lines from him.

a human reaction - mY TRASH. MYYYY TRASH. just one of those farscape eps that are so Abstract in concept, they are just Default Faves for me like Always haha. so many good little j/a crumbs, the kiss in this ep is one of my BIG FAVES, i love everything about that scene and the ones leading up to it. LOVE THE RAIN SCENE. it’s probably the very first time john is like ‘maybe Earth bad’ and,,, ‘maybe space girl Good’ and i love that thruline of the show. this ep stands soooooo far apart from the majority of season 1 for me.

nerve: the hidden memory - “THE RADIANT AERYN SUN.” stark isn’t unbearable in his debut episodes woah! i like him as a sad boy who isnt a plot device! love gilina, love her death (rip), love seeing how far john and aeryn have come since they’d last seen her, love aeryn and crais’s interaction in this episode like YES GIRL SLAY, love whenever aeryn has to juggle with feeling WEAK and having to put her big girl pants on to save her himbo, love any interaction between d’argo and aeryn LOVE THAT.

Season 2:

crackers don't matter - the DIALOGUE in this episode is Insane and i LOVE IT i think there are so many line deliveries in this ep that are so memorable and Iconic they all just live in my mind rent FREE. i wish the commentary for this episode wasn’t about the more practical aspects of it because UUUHUUH i genuinely would love to just Absorb the mindset behind it. GOD TIER FILLER. 

out of their minds - i am such a whore for body swap tropes it’s humiliating. another ep with a lot of iconic line deliveries! i love cb playing as john! love that for her! bb as rygel too is amazing i love all their stupid accent switching SO MUCH. love the skeksis love that they joke about them looking like skeksis because it’s jim henson and they can DO THAT. 

won't get fooled again - any time i think about this ep im like man how Opened Third Eye was it to have john just immediately be like “haha ok this is fake lmao” like it’s so SUBVERSIVE in what it does pretty much right off the bat in introducing the moya crew as “normal” humans. eps like these are just ALWAYS my faves in tv series because of how crazy they can get and this one does and i love it so much for that.

Season 3: 

scratch n' sniff - any time i get the moya crew on a pleasure planet or at a rave im like HELLO. :) I LOVE RAXIL she’s such a funky little freak. describing this ep is so weird its like Oh Yeah The Boob Juice Sucking One. JUST JOHN AND D’ARGO BEING BACHELORS, WHAT BLISS. i wish i got more john + d’argo shenanigans in this show ‘cause they are like such a fave together dynamically mwah mwah mwah. <3 

into the lion's den: wolf in sheep's clothing - its a little crazy how much i Hate the first half of this two-parter which is super PANDERY AND BAD and then the last half is like so Insane and such a good close for the season. EVERYONE’S SO MISERABLE. the scorp shots with the imploding ship and the water UGHGUGHUGH <33333 love aeryn in this love her trying to save the Peacekeepers, love JOHN, love the little scientist nerd who works under Scorp i forget his name WHOOPS he has a nice design. THE CRAIS + TALYN DEATH IS SO GOOD;;;; LOVE THAT FOR THEM;;;;; <3333

 dog with two bones - i think the fact that literally no other tv show has pulled THIS MESS off really speaks to the uniqueness of farscape and its ABILITY TO TELL ROMANCE??? theres so much in this that is just like WOWOWOWOW THIS EP IS SO GOOD. the part where they kill the rogue leviathan and rygel is celebrating on the comms and it transitions to aeryn Going Insane in her prowler over everything that’s happening. FIRE. the dog with two bones analogy UGHGUGHGUGH <333333 I LOVE THE AERYN > EARTH THRULINE WITH JOHN SO MUCH ITS JUST AT ITS PEAK HERE WHICH MAKES IT GREAT BY DEFAULT. the coin scene is SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD THE ENDING SCENE OF THIS EPISODE IS SOOOO GOOOOOD.

Season 4: 

john quixote - MY FAVE EP OF THE SERIES LOL. love the COSTUMING love the POP CULTURE REFERENCES love that its SEASON 4 love that we GET A ZHAAN CRAIS JOOL AND STARK CAMEO. another conceptually abstract episode so of course i love it lol. love the scene in the end with john and zhaan where he’s kinda a sad boy!!!!! actually funny story about this ep the first time i watched this i was in elementary school still, i grew up on this show this is my Nostalgia Baby series, and did not know what the word “porn” was so like for a very concerning amount of time i always assumed “porn” was an Alien Word and not a real word. BECAUSE LIKE, in context you see chiana holding up a Gooey Boy and going “and this? porn!” and that was all i had to go by the end.

crichton kicks - I LOOOOVE SAD JOHN. I LOVE HIM. I love the character beats we get out of a john that CHOSE THE GIRL over his home and instead of GETTING HER he is punished for it, losing his chance at BOTH OUTCOMES like mentioned in “dog with two bones” despite him having chosen One of the options and not both. love the introduction to 1812 whenever john gets a named thing i am like Yes. :~) my boy, my little man. he’s a little crazy and a little sad.

terra firma - the YEARNING in this ep man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this ep waters my CROPS one of my Biggest Fave scenes is when Aeryn and Jack are in her prowler talking about john and he’s like Do You Wish You Were Human and she doesnt answer and im like LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! more of that John Not Vibing With Earth Anymore trope which I LOVE. literally all fics surrounding this episode i will SNORT LIKE CRACK. 

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[temporoom]

Okay, I am... only half through episode 4 of The Case Study of Vanitas and I have... so many questions on how they choose to budget cut some scenes and the direction of others. So I had to stop to write it down before I forget.

The explanation of Babel at the beginning was what I expected to happen. And it was well done, so it’s cool. But... like... the... the teacher sounds suspicious in ways he shouldn’t... I have goosebumps just thinking about it. (”My~ cute~ little~ kitten~ Mon chaton~” I’m calling FBI)

They completely took away the mention that Noé was an orphan, which is fine, they can say it later... But since the walk isn’t there, in the end, Domi never has to explain to Vanitas that (while that might be a fetish of her maybe) the collar is mostly made to not lose Noé. Which make the whole ordeal more acceptable for him.

I like that they showed Vanitas listening outside of the changing carriage/room (special mention to Murr who looks at him like “got thirdweeled buddy?”)... I did not expect... the moans... of the two over his face... It’s probably what happened, but my heart wasn’t ready. (Vanitas be there like “Do... Do I have to hear it or is it optional?”) (Also it really makes it seem like Domi is noisy on purpose so Vanitas would hear... Or maybe it’s just my Vannoé heart speaking)

Damn girl your hair FLOATS (I appreciate the well animated ass though, just personal preferences)

I like how they show how Noé got lost. I know the far-away shots annoy most people, but honestly, this one was good. Though I do wish we had a close up on Noé telling Vanitas he sees Domi as a friend. (also the whole area looks like a fancy theater and I love it)

NOW THIS IS WHY I’M MAKING THIS POST. When Vanitas enters Domi’s room, the door closes behind him, and we see her collection of torture items... But where are the women accompanying her in the room? Because later we see Vanitas on the wheel but... who attached him? Did... did he just complied to being attached? IS IT HIS KINK?! I NEED ANSWERS BONES.

They do my boy Luca so dirty each time he is on screen. Like... The thought of putting just a little of the budget in him never crossed their minds he is... so poorly animated. Don’t even have close-ups. I’m sorry Luca, you don’t deserve this. The only who respects you is your VA. (ALSO WTF WERE THOSE MASKS ON HIS GUARDS LIKE WHAT)

From then on, you can appreciate my reactions as the episode goes:

I understand the will to make something original artistically... But I do not accept the knife throwing while she has her back to him. Actually, no, I do not accept her turning her back to him, She doesn’t trust him, he is a danger, she should be facing him. (Also I know it’s actually more logical that they are both alone to talk about the vampire of the blue moon... BUT STILL WHO ATTACHED HIM)

That fall was soft for someone who just got off a rolling wheel or whatever this is called.

That... fall was off for someone who threw themselves with their back to the ground. You wouldn’t have as much control over where you land, and that chandelier was pretty far. I know it’s for the manga shot, but like showing him throw himself, then turning around would have been more logic I think. I don’t know anything about physics though. I am nitpicking.

That book animation... yes... I see... IT’S TO CUT BUDGET COST.

WHY DO THEY ALL LOOK GOOD EXCEPT LUCA PLEASE.

OH GOD LUCA GOT HIS FIRST GOOD SHOT THANK GOODNESS

Last episode : Let’s put all the budget in the first half. This episode : let’s put all the budget in the second half.

They finally fixed Luca’s bodyguards masks ! T-T ONLY FOR THEM TO BE KILLED

Veronica, using the same frames as her appearance, because having a mask is nice to reduce budget cost.

I really like the biting scene being intertwined with Noé’s fighting scene. It’s what it is: a fight against the desire to drink blood. It’s a nice touch. It... It do last 3 seconds too much, in my own opinion (but it’s only 3 seconds), but I won’t complain when I have new records for my erotic asmr. I had to stop writing just to appreciate it.

Each time I see a Vanitas/Jeanne scene I am reminded of how much the VA’s ship them and I smile. They must be soooooo happy to be able to do all of this and I’m happy for them. (Natsuki Hanae is a huge fan of Jeanne)

I need to say it again, the direction for the second half was perfect. The two scenes intertwined, insisting on the urgency feeling of it, the pink sky (I know some saw it purple, I see it pink) to represent... love or Jeanne one of the two, the amazing fight scenes between Noé and the Charlatans, Natsuki Hane’s moans, Luca finally getting some recognition... It was amazing. But it does make me question how the director prepares their script, because they clearly have a vision of certain scenes, but because of that, forces the other ones to be smashed together for that one particular scene to work. It’s kind of disappointing and annoying, for now it’s fine, but on the long run it’ll be tiring.

Conclusion of this episode : DID VANITAS ATTACHED HIMSELF ON THE WHEEL?! and now I have a bunch of new records for... personal reasons. 

Now I’m going to watch the french dub for the second episode, see ya !