#am i like roman cause i have no self-esteem—

[cynthiav06]

Percy is a dude from the category of screaming "what the hell did you do!" and solve all the problems in 5 minutes. Everyone would have been dead a long time ago if it wasn't for him.

I have mixed opinions on this. On one hand, Percy is the type of person to wait about for the problem to disappear by itself just so he doesn't have to deal with it. Cause even before he found out he was a demigod, he was 100% done with everyone's shit.

But I do agree that he would be able to solve all problems because through so many books we have seen that no matter how much prior planning Annabeth or the Seven or anyone else does, Percy always does his own thing at the end. And it works out mostly for the better than whatever initial situation anyone else had in mind because Percy thinks almost too well on his feet. Every time.

But Percy has such low self esteem that he sees the fact that he has to make so many improvisations more so as his plans never working as less so as an exceptional ability to adapt. Especially when at times he can easily sense that some titan/giant is too powerful so he maneuvers around a direct fight and ends up defeating them by pure strategy and still ends up thinking of himself as "Oh shit I seriously had no plans. I am so reckless and stupid".

His whole character arc could have been evolving into a more confident and self assured but still the usual sarcastic laid back version of himself who no longer doubts his own abilities and becomes the great leader he showed many signs of being. But no, Rick had to ruin it all because, for some reason, 10+ books later and almost all the characters are still the same, just decorated with even more trauma. Rick being Rick, and instead of showing characters working out their traumas and insecurities, he just slaps a relationship on them, and lo and behold, all is better again somehow.

I am kind of disappointed that we never got to see Percy or any other members of the Seven do any solo missions(aside from Annabeth in MoA) . She almost had the very quintessential realization about she needs others and how her hubris will ruin everything if she doesn't keep it in check only for whatever she was doing in the later parts House of Hades and all of Chalice of the Gods to take away even that little bit of character development.

And cause solo missions working out perfectly well for Percy while most other demigods struggle a bit to make it work might finally make him realize that his plans don't suck and he is actually a really really good strategist and somehow an even better manipulator. (Though more on that and his observational skills later).

Or make characters like Frank and Leo whose unique abilities and perspectives on combat could have been shown off more, making them all become more self-reliant.

And even so we could finally get proper idea of limits of certain characters like Piper (cause charmspeak isn't going to get her everywhere) or Hazel (we so need more scenes of her surprising demigods and monsters with not only her unique jewel abilities and her magic.) Plus Nico's combat limits, Jason's stamina limits (no I am not considering that part of canon, you can't tell me it's true, I refuse to stand by it), Thalia's character development as well as her honing her powers and combat abilities more.

So yeah, we really should have gotten a few solo missions instead of so many short stories and all. And a bit more cross-over highlighting the power levels between the Norse, Greek, Roman, and Egyptian demigods/magicians/Valhalla residents/Valkyrie and so on.

To sum it up, tons of missed opportunities by Riordan and even more tragic and terrible progression of previously great characters who just needed a well-made character arc or even some favoritism. (I am looking at Grover and Rachel, who both could have done so so much if Rick had only realized the awesome potential they had).

I have said it many times that it's #percy jackson supremacy. So hell yes everyone would be dead without him, and he is arguably the best protagonist out of any other fantasy action book series. All hail Percy Jackson, the master of sass, and the most beloved but somehow still the most misinterpreted character in the fandom. Really liked this ask, would love more of these regarding Percy or any other characters.

[f1crecs]

Fic Rec List - Royalty AUs

if your fic is on this list and you don’t want it to be, please let me know and we will remove it immediately, no questions asked. we have contacted most of the authors on this list, but sometimes people fall through the gaps - just pop us a message🤍

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Charles/Pierre

it's you and me, that's my whole world by @singsweetmelodies | T | 10.4k

Charles is the Prince of Monaco, and Pierre is hopelessly devoted best friend. This fic has everything that I love about Charles and Pierre, and everything that I love about royalty au's! Despite his outward confidence, there is a lack of self-esteem that runs through Pierre. This reads very true to how I see Pierre, and it is a joy to read him struggle and come to terms with this. Charles is so lovable and humble, and I loved him so much! This author is so good at building tension, and creating conflicts and misunderstandings that feel very natural and fun to read. A great read!

'Charles is a prince, the heir apparent to the Monégasque principality, no less, while Pierre is just another engineering student. Who is he to think he can make Charles happier than the wealth of beautiful, classy and important people available to him? // His best friend, whispers that same voice in his heart, as treacherous as it is fierce. I am his best friend, and I know him better than any of them ever will. I have been by his side for his whole life, and I don't plan to leave anytime soon.

nsfw: i'm not one to need saving but I guess I'll give it a try by @river-ocean and @wolfiemcwolferson | E | 40k

Soulmate AU. Pierre is prince of a France that still has a monarchy. He is to marry by the time he turns 27, but hasn't yet found his soulmate. He meets Charles, an event planner, and they develop an easy friendship. This fic hits so many of my favourite royalty and soulmate tropes all in one. There is pining, there is a Prince who chafes against the bonds of royal duty, there is a commoner who isn't at all fazed by the fact his friend is a royal, and there is a soulmate bond that manages to cause more problems than it solves. Neither Pierre nor Charles want to impose their feelings upon one another, of course, to the exasperation of their friends. There is also a lovely recurring sun motif around Pierre, which just delights me.

Charles is not his - the blue handprint on his side, Pierre’s impending marriage and ridiculous soulmate-less status…Charles will never be his, but Pierre grabs his waist - ashamed at himself for it when Charles so very clearly did not like it - and he wishes he were. God, he wishes Charles could be his.

Alex/Charles

i can feel the sun on you by @liamlawsonlesbian | T | 12k

In this Roman Holiday inspired story, Alex, a freelance journalist, comes across a beautiful young man in the street. The man appears to be under the influence of drugs, and Alex takes him home overnight for his own safety. The man is the prince of Monaco, and when he realises he's been missing for a night now, decides to take a day off from being a royal and enjoy the city. This story is absolutely charming, and Alex quickly finds himself realising he cannot use this encounter for a story like he had planned to. Charles is absolutely giddy in his enjoyment of his day of anonymity, and it's no wonder Alex falls hard.

Alex has an armful of beautiful Frenchman, but what sounds like a dream is closer to a nightmare because a stranger seems close to asleep on his chest. The man’s shirt is very soft, and feels expensive, and he is either very drunk or there is some other substance involved, because he’s burrowing his face into Alex’s faded band tee, even though they’ve never seen each other before in their lives. Alex knows the smart thing to do would be to lean the guy back up against the wall of the cemetery and go home. But the stranger looks young, and soft, and there’s clearly something wrong. Alex tries to shake him awake. “Mate, where are you staying? Let’s get you home.” The man mutters a few words, which sound like “Youth leadership is the future.” Alex wonders, semi-hysterically, if the stranger is some kind of motivational speaker. It would explain how pretty he is. Alex takes a big, shuddering breath. Okay, so, his bloody stupid conscience is not going to let him leave the stranger here. The stranger is too out of it to remember where he’s staying. That only leaves one option – the stranger has to come home with Alex. Alex crouches and puts the stranger’s arm around his shoulders, and begins to trudge the ten blocks to his flat.

Charles/Carlos

are you wild like me? by @f1-stuff | 54k | M

This is a boarding school AU with a bit of a Young Royals feel. Charles, prince of Monaco, is enrolled for the final schooling year and makes friends with Carlos. Charles strives for a sense of normalcy but is never quite allowed to forget he is a royal. His friends, especially Carlos, do the best they can for him. Carlos has a tendency to be overprotective which backfires a bit, and he needs to learn to let go just a little.

Carlos feels a little giddy. In the span of a few hours, he’s gone from not having spoken to or seen Charles in almost a month, worried Charles was never coming back to Watford, to holding him, kissing him, coming for him... “I thought about you a lot,” Charles says, reminding Carlos that he’d asked a question. “...while I was at home. I was sad-” His voice cracks, and Carlos smooths a hand along Charles’ waist, offering some small comfort. “I was sad about my father. And I’d been sad about you for a while.” “Me?” “Yes,” Charles says. His fingertips rest gently against Carlos’ jaw. “I’ve felt...so lonely - for a long time. I love my family, and they love me, but my brothers don’t understand what it’s like for me - not really. And my parents...” He pauses, and Carlos knows he’s thinking of his father. “They have always wanted me to be happy. But I don’t think they ever imagined that being happy for me would mean...this.”

Carlos/Lando

nsfw: see you again by madlyiephase2 (madlyie_14) | E | 99k

Lando is fourth in line to the throne. Carlos is still an F1 driver. They meet when Lando presents a trophy at Silverstone, and begin an affair. Lando is chafing badly against his existence as a royal even before he meets Carlos. The self-discovery journey he goes on, in regards to his sexuality and also what he wants more broadly out of his life, is a big part of this story. The supporting cast is vibrant and breathe levity and grounding humour into Lando's life, especially George as his head of security, who is such a great character he is almost in danger of running away with the entire fic.

“My boyfriend. He's - his name is Lando." Ana snorted. "What, like the prince?" and Carlos looked around for help from somewhere because he really, really didn't know what to say to that. 'Yeah, exactly,' seemed a little stupid. Even though it was utterly, absurdly true. To Carlos' surprise, it was his father who looked at him, really looked at him and then, then he just started laughing, a full, deep laugh. Everyone turned to him like he had lost his mind but he simply shook his head. "Nothing halfway, Carletes. Nothing halfway."

Logan/Oscar

hopelessly devoted by indyd | T | 7.6k

Oscar is upset when he learns that his old bodyguard has been replaced. He gradually finds himself developing a different sort of attachment to Logan, his new guard. Logan's quiet devotion and the pair's mutual respect for one another in this story is just lovely. The relationship develops very gradually. I would love to read more of this story if the author is ever so inclined.

“I’m sorry,” Oscar interrupted his train of thought. He sounded miserable and, when Logan looked again at him, he looked miserable too. “Why?” Logan asked, feeling guilt overtake him. He’d been thinking horrific, inappropriate things while Oscar sat there, sad. He’d never seen Oscar look quite so sad, “It’s nothing to apologize for. You can’t help what you like.” Oscar blinked, then a bittersweet smile scrawled its way across his lips. Logan would take that smile, even such a weak one as this. “Stop being so nice,” Oscar sighed, “‘s too easy to misunderstand.”

George/Alex

all i do is try, try, try by @hrhgeorgerussell | T | 13.3k

Alex is the Prince of Wales, George is still an F1 driver. They have a relationship, but Alex withdraws when he realises that his royal duties will make it impossible. George is heartbroken and internalises the issue, thinking if he can just be more successful at his sport, Alex will want him. The stifling nature of Alex's existence as a royal, the longing from George's side, and the seeming impossibility of their relationship are all great royal AU themes. George's blaming himself for not being "good enough" feels very authentic.

George does not speak at first, and Alex is suddenly scared. He braces himself, prepared for the worst, about to tell him how proud he is and how well he drove despite everything. Nothing could have prepared him. “It's like there's glass in my lungs, Alex. It feel like there's glass inside me. Something's broken."

Charles/Seb

nsfw: the house by the sea by @hungriestheidi | M | 46.7k | wip

Charles is the Prince of Monaco, and Seb is his bodyguard. This story is incredible. Charles is such a compelling main character: despite being surrounded by people, there's a loneliness and a distance to those around him that is so beautifully explored. The unfurling of their attraction to each other is a joy to read. I love this fic!

'Sebastian is invisible most times. People don’t seem to notice he’s there until he believes a threat can take place. Charles spends hours wandering the streets of Monaco without feeling overwhelmed, it’s almost like he’s walking alone until someone stops him for a chat and the steady presence of his bodyguard makes itself known, a hand carefully pushing away the stranger’s arm.'

this list was compiled by @lydia-petze and @boxboxbrioche

[punk-rockrz]

Love the art you posted today of Hook tending to Scavenger. The dynamicism of the posing between them both. It's very clear how much pain Scavenger is in, conveyed through his shaking servo and his building tears (I adore the detail of him getting rust too), and I can imagine his bucket tail shuddering as Hook scrapes the rust away from him. The frustration in Hook exudes off your art, and I love how you have written how he speaks. He feels like Hook completely. In his frustration, but his care for Scavenger. (Love his roman nose too...) Also, love the teeth detail. Love Cybertronians with sharp denta, so much, especially within the Con ranks.

Just loved the piece and have been in a massive Hook brainrot since October, so seeing this piece today made my absolute day. I am eager to see more of the dynamic between the Constructicons, especially with Hook as the medic for the Cons/his brothers.

Wowerz thank you! <::) i appreciate this a whole lot for serious

Just for you (and well. Er. An excuse to talk about my thoughts) I'll give you a little look into my awesome epic mind about them...

I think for starts a lotta the stuff I've been making has slowly detached from any one continuity, just because theres so little of the combiners in each one. I mostly just kinda mash together g1 personalities and general idw lore in my brain (you could say honestly that its more of a "idw but pretending the combiners were written like actual characters" more than anything.)

I view the constructicons as having a very weird relationship. Like a secret third thing between friendship and romance (with that im also gonna mention that i completely see them all as separate beings, as in i dont see any combiner team as being related like i learned. Some people apparently do. N id just like to be very clear on that cuz i personally think incest is deeply gross and uncomfortable and the idea of my work being taken as such disturbs me 👍) theyre all simultaneously grossly lovey with each other one moment and then Bonecrusher is trying to throw long haul because he decided he was hogging the remote or something. But as far as decepticons combiners go theyre the most functional as a group. They're in it for life despite the annoyances.

Some other thoughts.ermmm...apolocheese these will be disjointed. Im not very good at being comprehensible. i think gravedigger should exist for Bonecrushers lore. Hes dead as hell. Sorry. Functionism killed his ass and Bonecrusher is radicalized from it.

There is lore to my personal designs too, mainly in the faces. None of them initially had mouths, just the mask then the grinder below it, but hook kinda convinced them all to let him upgrade them (my idea is that mouths are generally seen as better by most, but for him he just wanted to show off on them) they all had their own reasons for taking the opportunity, such as Bonecrusher thinking himself being upgraded was a "fuck you" to others and scavenger thinking hed be liked more easily by others if he had the "better" option. Scrapper was the only one to deny getting the upgrade because he genuinely doesnt see the point. Hook keeps trying to convince him but hes trying less and less as time goes on.

And scavengers rusting yaaaay :D i think he gets those often because he's not the best at remembering his own upkeep and is one who spends a particular amount of time in environments that cause it to spread exponentially quicker. Ends up meaning that hook has to spend hours scrubbing it out of his plating if not replacing entire chunks of him frequently, something that progressively annoys and slightly concerns him and it definitely does nothing good for scavengers self esteem.

Some rapid fire of hook headcanons then I'll wrap up actually, uerrhh if anyone wants to hear my thoughts more though im not opposed to questions abt my thoughts on them and combiners over all. Theyre all chilling out in my brain for the moment it seems like.

- hes skilled in most if not all creative subjects, he almost seems to view creative subjects as his territory to defend, he HAS to be the best at all of it in his mind

- he'd rather die than ever admit to it, but he adores earth fashion and drag shows. He finds them fascinating. Sometimes he's just hiding away to look at videos of drag performances or he's sneaking glances at people he thinks are dressed particularly nicely. He almost wants to take up adding everything related to making clothing to his skillset.

- he wasn't initially a medic, he only picked up the knowledge he initially had for perform progressively more complicated cosmetic procedures. Eventually he got so engrossed in it when the constructicons found themselves partaking in a full blown war, he found himself saddled with the title of medic. Luckily for him its not as unwanted as he expected, finding the work of putting someone together again as satisfying as his actual passions.

- hes also unexpectedly excellent as a medic, any poor con who ends up with him at their repairs almost expects him to rip them apart out of frustration or just sadism, but hes surprisingly one of the gentler ones the decepticons have. Its not necessarily out of care, its just that he'd rather die than mess up anything. The only bad thing anyone can say is that he doesnt see patients as anything more than an object, its easier for him to dedicate himself that way, but it makes for an odd experience for the patient.

- hes the one who least enjoys being a combiner out of all of them. Well, really its more like hes the one with the most conflicted feelings about it. He enjoys the way it gives him more notoriety and power within decepticons, but the idea of people attaching who devastator is to their perception of him makes him shudder. He finds devastator particularly stupid and overly brutish, to be fair an opinion he holds of most, but especially the combined form of him and the others.

- will not be affectionate a single bit with his gestalt unless its extremely private. He doesn't want people having that image of him

- he has issues about control, honestly, particularly related to others perception of him. He hates the idea of anybody seeing him as anything but the image he painstakingly tries to uphold of him

Ummermurm.. thats kinda all i hauve rn. If u read all of that wowie thank you ::) i hope it made sense at all. N thank you once again i real appreciate how much you liked it 🦇🤘

[nikolasongsa]

psychopathic rant I did whilst I read something from whoever it was

the post dissappeared apparently because I took my fine ass time

Like thaulf said, women "are just like that", but psychiatry is not the practice of listing mere 'personality traits' as personality traits, but disorders. The way illness is described is also different

the point of psychiatry is often to use it against those undeserving of it; cut resistance, to make people mad, and sell drugs and in general just muddle things that are actually real and have empirical evidence

+ using words like "bpd" is faggot language

Read any DSM and continue to be amazed. The audacity of them to list things like genetics, IQ and retardation and use it like retards themselves

gay notes for myself mainly

"Romans 7:17 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway’."

"Here are other words of this doctor who lived a century before Orwell wrote 1984. According to Heinroth, the psychiatrist

appears to the patient as helper and saviour, as a father and benefactor, as a sympathetic friend, as a friendly teacher, but also as a judge who weighs the evidence, passes judgement, and executes the sentence; at the same time seems to be the visible God to the patient…

“The biggest issue we faced during the time our daughter began to manifest problems (when she was five years old) was to convince the ‘professionals’ that she did indeed have a disease that was biologically based and not caused by alleged child abuse [or] bad parenting”

"I’m a 16 year old girl who has just gotten out of a ‘psychiatric treatment center’. I was there for over 4 months because I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder and Manic Depression. Borderline Personality Disorder is the biggest f— joke I have heard of. All it is a description of an immature teenager. Haha. I am also not Manic Depressive. The psych people there somehow managed to convince everyone that I was, including my parents. (‘She has severe highs and lows. And she’s impulsive too!’) They put me on lots of medication.

Perfectly normal people are kept in treatment centers. Perfectly normal teenagers. Nobody was crazy there. Not even one person. They were just teenagers with divorced parents. Or teenagers who did a few drugs. Or teenagers who got suspended from school. Suddenly we were all Borderlines, Schizophrenics, and Manic Depressives who ‘needed’ long term hospitalization. We also ‘needed’ medication. They put us on heavy doses of anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, antidepressants, anti-whatevers. I was the only patient who didn’t take the medication. I will never take psychiatric medication. I’ve tried it before. It does nothing except for turn me into a zombie. It dulls me out. Makes it so I can’t think straight. Everyone else took it though." 1996

"In the dawn of the 21st century the diagnoses that were used against her and her mates (‘borderlines’, ‘schizophrenics’, ‘manic depressives’) are as fraudulent as the diagnoses that the psychiatrists used in the 19th century (‘moral insanity’, ‘folie lucide’, ‘nymphomania’)."

"Psychiatrists are fond of stressing how much suffering schizophrenia causes. However, I can truthfully say being labeled a schizophrenic has caused me a hundred times as much suffering as the so-called ‘illness’ itself. Since recovering my sanity in 1961, I have spent decades struggling to gain some measure of self-understanding and self-esteem. In this regard, I never fully recovered from what psychiatry and my parents did to me until I finally realized I had never been ill in the first place."

(The same person who coined the term 'schizophrenia' coined the term 'autism')

"How, for example, can a psychiatrist validate his identity as a medical doctor without labeling others as mentally sick’, asks Modrow, ‘that is to say, without dehumanizing others and thoroughly destroying their identities?’

"Economics controls politics, so the pivotal issue is an economic one. To see what is happening, look at the textbook or manual called DSM-III, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, third edition. Translated into economic and political terms, mental disorder means undesired mental states and attitudes and behaviour […]

The criteria in the manual are very useful for controlling the population because you can bring them to bear on practically anyone if the occasion seems to demand it. Look at this: ‘Oppositional disorder’ is a very good one."

"In 1999 Professor Leonard Duhl of the University of California defined mental illness and poverty in the most perfect sense of the ideologists of the Great Confinement of the 17th century: ‘the inability to command events that affect one’s life’."

"If the philosophy of the biologicistic psychiatrists is right, all our passions, traumas and conflicts, loves and fears, are not the result of our desires in conflict with the external world, but of the swings of small polypeptides in our bodies that are transformed into despair."

"The primitive witch-doctor, who tried to understand Nature in human terms, treated objects as agents: a position known as animism. The modern witch-doctor, who tries to understand the subjectivity of man in terms of Nature, treats agents as objects: a position known as bioreductionism. Primitive man has been demystified in our scientific era. Who will demystify psychiatry doctors?"

"a mandate to strip anyone of their civil liberties […] to homogenize people who are out of line. Presented as a medical exercise, it is an undercover operation. "

"Personality disorders are diagnosed in 40–60% of psychiatric patients, rendering them the most common of all psychiatric diagnoses"

"First, concerning point (a) above, DSM-IV-TR already lists Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and countless more poorly defined and controversial diagnostic labels, all in large part oriented at defining as mentally ill the kinds of behavior that Dr. Diamond wants to pathologize further. But no psychiatrist intent on listing yet more disorders in the DSM should be blind to the risks of overdiagnosis, given the embarrassing amount of overlap that already exists among these disorders. "

[curtklingermanposts]

Resolving Conflict

Do You Have to be Right?

Have you ever been around people who just have to be right, especially if there’s a dispute or debate? It about wrecks them to discover they were wrong. Of course, admitting it would be a personal sin. That need to be perfect is not a friend of humility. Naturally, when busted, many revert to self-justification. More than likely, these same people have difficulty resolving conflict with others.

If there is that unfortunate situation in which you have to resolve some sort of conflict with another, it may behoove you to ask Holy Spirit to help you see any possible blind spots. Obviously, ask for wisdom and guidance. Perhaps ask yourself, “Could I be wrong, or mistaken?” Don’t look to be wrong; just be honest with yourself, so you can be honest with others. If you are wrong, can you own it?

It’s God Who Justifies

Job 9:20 If I justify myself, mine own mouth shall condemn me: if I say, I am perfect, it shall also prove me perverse.

When someone employs self-justification, others may see him or her as insincere. Especially, when it’s connected to an apology. Nobody likes to look bad; however, you look even worse when you offer excuses for your shortcomings. It actually hinders repentance should the need arise. When you are more concerned about what others think, you tend to forget about how God sees things. Perhaps, that should be our greater concern.

Luke 16:15 And He said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.

It is important to leave justification in the Lord’s hands. That requires humility, which often requires His grace. More so perhaps, if you feel confronted, or falsely accused.

Romans 8:33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.

In such cases, we simply need to trust God. Nonetheless, explanations can clear up misunderstandings, which have caused many an argument. The approach you take in your explanation may determine how it is received. Meaning, if you’re in self-preservation mode, it may be taken as an excuse.

Resolution Requires Love

Love is the key ingredient in resolving conflict. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). It speaks the truth; but at the same time, it does not insist on having its own way. Love is gentle, kind, and is not easily provoked. It doesn’t take into account a wrong suffered. Love is longsuffering, patient, and endures all things (read 1 Corinthians 13:1-13). Love is not arrogant, nor is it harsh.

Remember, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger (Proverbs 15:1).

Remember that misunderstanding thing? We know full well that it comes upon us when we’re too quick to speak. Because love cares enough about others, it slows things down enough to listen fully to what they have to say. People desire to be heard. It’s one way they know they matter to others, or at least have their respect. Do we love enough to listen?

James 1:19-20 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

To be clear, this is not to say one should be the proverbial doormat, because in such cases it tends to do more harm than good. However, there are moments when we need to lay our lives down so everyone can win.

John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

www.perfectfaith.org

[moxy--sanders101]

Roman or Patton

I- omg

[eliemo]

Solitary

Summary: Logan wakes up. He wasn't supposed to this time.

TWs: aftermath of a suicide attempt, implied/referenced self harm, self hatred and self esteem issues, hopeful ending

Notes: Mind the tags pls, I wrote this with no plan at like 1am. Platonic LAMP

When Logan woke up, the first thing he registered was a splitting headache, white hot pain spreading down his head to his spine like his skull was being snapped in two.

The next was the pulsing agony in both of his arms, shooting up to his shoulders with a sudden intensity that made him gasp before he could stop himself, only to be met with another stabbing pain in his throat.

“Hey hey hey, easy.” A vaguely familiar voice filtered in from somewhere nearby, but Logan was pretty sure the pain would only worsen if he opened his eyes to look. “Easy, Lo. You’re safe, you’re ok.”

All Logan was able to manage was an awful sounding croak. He felt someone running their hand gently through his hair, another holding the side of his face.

“Breathe, kiddo. You’re ok.”

Patton. A bit of the rising alarm faded when he recognized the moral side’s voice, but something still pulled at his chest when he realized how scared Pat sounded. What was going on?

“Can you open your eyes?” Patton asked, soft and concerned right beside his ear. “We really miss you, Logan.”

Patton’s voice broke a bit at the end, miserable and pleading, and that was enough for Logan to risk pain that came with the sudden light, making another weak noise in the back of his throat as he pried his eyes open, surprised and a little frustrated over how much effort it took.

Like he’d warily expected, the barrage of light did feel like someone was repeatedly taking a knife to his eyes, but it wasn't nearly as intense as he’d anticipated.

It took a second for everything to come into focus, but when it did Logan could make out that he was on the couch in the living room, a dark blue blanket draped over him, the curtains closed over the windows to keep the sunlight out of the dim room.

Patton was crouched beside him, fingers still running through Logan’s hair, slow and gentle. Virgil was perched on the other end of the couch, eyeshadow smeared and staining his face with dried black tears.

Roman was standing beside the armchair just a few paces away, looking like he’d just been startled out of his seat, face pale, eyes wide and shiny.

They all looked...awful. They looked about as bad as Logan felt right now.

“Wh-what?” It hurt to talk, voice raspy and shaking, but the confusion was only making his head hurt more. “What’s happening, I—”

“I’ll, uh- I’ll get him some water,” Roman said hastily, failing to hide the worried glance he sent Patton’s way. “Hang in there, Teach.”

Roman was gone before Logan could say anything, and his gaze wandered instead to Virgil who was still planted by his feet, shifting anxiously where he sat, glancing between Logan and Patton like he was waiting for someone to speak.

Luckily Roman wasn’t gone for long, hurrying back into the room within seconds and practically thrusting a glass of water in Logan’s face.

He moved to sit up and take it, only to hiss at the pain shooting up his arms at the tiniest of movements, falling limply back onto the cushions.

“Don’t use your hands, honey,” Patton said, a second too late. “Here, let me help you, ok?”

Any other time Logan would have protested. He was perfectly capable of drinking a cup of water by himself. But right now all he had the energy to do was give a tiny nod and let Patton help him to sit up.

He didn’t have the energy to fight, keeping his aching arms under the blanket and letting Patton bring the cup to his lips. The cold water eased the pain in his throat somewhat, even if it took a frustratingly long time for Logan to swallow a few sips.

“There you go,” Patton said when he saw done, and Logan hated how overly gentle the other side was being with him. “How’re you feeling?”

“Fine,” Logan said, despite how badly everything hurt. “What...happened?”

He saw the three of them exchange worried glances among themselves, trying and failing once again to hide it from Logan. His head was still too heavy to remember what had put him in this position in the first place, but their concern was only worsening his rising anxiety. Or maybe he was just picking up on some of Virgil’s distress.

The anxious side shifted again, brows drawn together as he looked Logan over. “Do you not...remember what happened?”

Logan took a moment, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing against the lump in his throat, taking a moment to catalogue his aching body, his headache, and the searing pain shooting up his arms.

“Was I...injured?”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Patton immediately burst into tears. To his dismay, Roman and Virgil’s eyes started welling up at the same time.

Oh, god. Logan was even less prepared to deal with their emotions than he usually was.

“Is that…” he trailed off, swallowed, and tried again. “Is that a yes?”

Patton only began crying harder, and before Logan could try to apologize the moral side was throwing himself forward, arms wrapped around Logan as best he could, sobbing loudly into his chest.

“Patton, I—”

“I’m so sorry!” Patton wailed, only further growing Logan’s confusion. “I’m so sorry Lo, I’m so sorry! We didn’t- we didn’t know! I swear we had no idea!”

“Let him take a moment to wake up, Padre,” Roman said, still hovering anxiously. He and Virgil were being much quieter about their distress, but both of their faces were soaked with tears. “But we...we really are sorry. Gosh, Logan we’re so so sorry.”

Logan screwed his eyes shut again, still coming up blank when he tried to connect the dots. “What...what on earth are you apologizing for?”

“For not realizing you felt that way, Lo.” Virgil moved to put a hand on Logan’s leg, refusing to look the logical side in the eyes. “Jeez- you’re family and we never...we never noticed.”

Patton was still bawling into his shirt, Virgil tightened his own hold, Roman began pacing as he tended to do when he was stressed, and Logan still had absolutely no clue what was going on. Why wouldn’t someone just tell him what had happened?

“Patton...” Logan stopped, first from the pain that came with raising his hand to touch Patton’s shoulder, then from the shock of seeing his arms. “I—”

“Don’t look, baby,” Patton said, gently guiding his hands back under the blanket like Logan hadn’t gotten a clear view of blood stained bandages wrapped around his arms from his wrists to his elbows. “You’re ok.”

His arms were...had he...?

Roman cleared his throat, and Logan looked over at the sound. The Prince held a wrinkled piece of paper in his hand, crumpled and a little stained, and the writing Logan could just barely make out was suddenly alarmingly familiar.

“We, uhm. We found your note.”

And just like that it all came rushing back- the overwhelming pain, the emotions, everything spiraling out of his usually so strict control as he finally let everything out onto a flimsy piece of notebook paper.

He’d lost control, no longer able to see a better way out. All he’d been focused on was the horrible pain in his arms soaked with blood that signified an ending he hadn’t even been sure he really wanted.

It came back in a fragmented blur, and Logan abruptly remembered that he wasn’t supposed to have woken up.

Oh. Oh no.

“I am...so sorry,” Logan said, at a loss for what else to do. “It was never my intention for you all to—”

“Your intention was pretty fucking clear,” Virgil snapped, and Logan was taken aback by the hostility in Anxiety’s voice. “Jesus Christ, Lo! What were you thinking?”

“Virgil,” Patton snapped, but the wavering in his voice overshadowed any vehemence. “That’s...let’s calm down, kiddo. Ok?”

Virgil wiped his eyes with his sleeves, shoulders hunched as he crossed his arms and stared at the ground. Logan’s chest squeezed, guilt and panic overwhelming.

“How long was I...asleep?”

Patton gave a shaky sigh, going back to running his hands through Logan’s hair. “Since last night. It’s...I think three in the afternoon now.”

Logan’s stomach dropped, and the pain in his arms flared up again as he struggled to sit up, only to fall limp against the back of the couch. He’d been out all day, forcing the other sides to stop what they were doing and look after him.

He couldn’t imagine how much damage and stress he’d caused. The one thing he’d been trying to avoid doing any more of.

“I’m very sorry,” Logan said, forcing his voice to remain steady. “My intentions were not to be an inconvenience or cause any unnecessary stress. I will attempt to get back on schedule as soon as possible and—”

“Get back on schedule?”

Logan couldn’t remember hearing Virgil yell like this, shrinking back into Patton’s arms before he could stop himself, the anxious side having stood up from the couch, eyes wide and brimming with new tears.

Logan cleared his throat, struggling to speak with his heart hammering in his chest. “I...apologize for—”

“You think we’re upset over the schedule?” Virgil snapped, flinching when Roman moved closer to put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve been sitting here for hours waiting for you to wake up after you tried to kill yourself and you think we’re upset because we’re behind schedule? Are you fucking serious, Logan?”

The screaming eventually dissolved into ragged sobs, and Logan watched as Roman gathered Virgil up his arms and pulled him close, the anxious side burying his face into the Prince’s chest.

Roman hadn’t stopped silently crying, silent tears sliding down his cheeks as he pressed his nose to Virgil’s hair, trembling with the strength it took to hold back his sobs. And Patton hadn’t let go of him, half of Logan’s shirt soaked with the moral side’s tears.

He hadn’t...expected this. Any of it.

Honestly, Logan hadn’t expected anyone to even notice his absence at first. He supposed they might not have known he’d...passed at all if he hadn’t been found before he’d finished.

He'd expected them to be mildly agitated when they found out he was gone, a little annoyed that he’d taken such drastic measures instead of continuing to ignore it and move on for Thomas’s sake. They'd have to make their schedules themselves now, and his death would likely push a few things back.

Things might be a bit less efficient without him but...they’d realize it was for the best eventually. They would be happier without him around. The air would be lighter.

It would be quieter. They wouldn’t have to constantly hide their annoyance every time he opened his mouth.

They wouldn’t have to deal with him at all anymore.

He hadn’t...expected anyone to be upset over the thought of losing him. He hadn’t even succeeded, he was perfectly fine, and every single one of them was in very clear distress.

“I am...very sorry,” he tried again, wondering if all he’d managed to do was ruin things irreparably. “I never wanted to upset any of you.”

“It isn’t about us,” Patton said, reaching over to quickly squeeze Virgil’s hand. “It’s not about our feelings. It’s about yours.”

“No, Virgil is right. It was selfish of me to—”

“It wasn’t selfish,” Virgil said quickly. He pulled away from Roman, just enough to look at Logan. “It’s not...it wasn’t selfish, Lo. It wasn’t your fault.”

Logan frowned, because that...was an exceptionally strange thing to say. Especially when he had every right to scream until his voice was hoarse. “Of course it was. I did it to myself. I was fully aware of what I was doing.”

That made Patton tighten his hold and Virgil’s gaze drop to the floor, but Logan didn’t falter. It was the truth. He wasn’t going to make excuses or pretend to be ashamed. He’d been convinced it was the right thing to do.

Roman suddenly sighed, trembling and quiet, the only one able to meet Logan’s eyes. “Sometimes our brains tell us things, Lo. They aren’t true and they’re awful but it’s...hard not to listen. You just need some help quieting the thoughts.”

“My thoughts are...perfectly rational,” Logan said, despite the situation. “I was simply mistaken. I thought I was doing what was best.”

“You thought we hated you!” Patton was crying again, sobbing with nothing holding him back, and Logan suddenly couldn’t bring himself to look at the note left on the coffee table. “You thought...Lo, the things you said—”

“I was wrong,” Logan said curtly, even as a prickle of dread settled in his stomach. “I was...I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

He was a bit taken aback by how quickly the three of them burst into affirmations, all of them suddenly crowded around him, holding him close as gently as possible. Keeping him safe.

“We love you,” Virgil was saying, and the anxious side had somehow managed to half commandeer his lap, his arms wrapped around his Logan’s middle. “I love you, Logan, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not...your fault,” Logan said, wishing his arms didn't hurt quite so bad. He couldn’t even attempt to hug anyone back. “I shouldn’t—”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Roman spoke up, placing a gentle but grounding hand on Logan’s back. “I know it feels like you did, Teach. I know. But you didn’t.”

“I tried to...I- I thought—”

“You’re in a bad place and we didn’t notice,” Virgil said, barely audible from where his face was pressed into Logan’s shirt. “That’s our fault. We- I should have been there to help, I didn’t know you—”

“I was attempting to hide it.” Hiding it had become normal. He’d hoped it would all simply go away, or fade away to the background at the very least if he just pretended.

But it had only grown worse, leaving him feeling empty and numb and hurt each time he was ignored and talked over, each time an argument went a little too far, each time he felt like a burden for simply speaking his mind. For having a thought in the first place.

He’d thought they hated him. He thought they hated the sound of his voice, his presence in their lives, his existence. A bitter part of him had wondered if they’d celebrate his death before erasing him from their memories entirely.

He hadn’t been able to say it aloud. But he’d finally been able to sit down and put it all on paper, finalizing it into one last goodbye.

Logan has been stupid. Logic had failed, and he’d done something irrational.

If he couldn’t even do his job well enough to keep himself alive, what even was the point in keeping him around? Thomas might be better off without him after all—

“Logan.” Patton was right in front of him now, warm hands on Logan’s cheeks, effectively cutting off his spiraling thoughts. “We’re here now. We’re here and we know.”

Logan curled his shoulders and nodded, the thought equally comforting and terrifying. He’d never planned on having to face the consequences of this decision. Of his awful, irrational feelings.

“We’re gonna help you kiddo,” Patton continued. “You’re not alone, Logan. You never ever have been. I’m so sorry you thought you were.”

Logan swallowed, alarmed at how tight his throat was becoming, vision quickly becoming blurred. “I...I don’t want to cause any pointless stress. We’re all busy.”

“We’re worried about you,” Patton said softly, never letting go of Logan. “You worry about the people you love. You worry about family.”

“I...” he paused, closing his eyes as the tears finally spilled over. “I wasn’t...sure that I was.”

Virgil lifted his head and frowned, but Logan refused to look down at him, staring blankly at the wall instead. “You weren’t...what? Family?”

Logan didn’t respond, didn’t jump to correct the assumption because he...couldn’t. He’d questioned his place for so long, somewhere along the way he’d begun assuming nobody cared. That it wasn’t a question for anyone else.

The heartbroken noises from the other three sides made him flinch, and he melted into their touch as they rushed to assure him once again, hard as it was to focus on anything they were saying.

He’d been so stupid. How could he have mistaken this for anything but love?

“You’re family, Logan,” Roman said, holding him from behind with his head now rested on Logan’s shoulder. “You will always be family. I’m so sorry it got this bad.”

Logan wasn’t sure when he’d started letting himself cry in earnest, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

There were three pairs of arms around him, holding him close while he trembled and sobbed and tried to force out apologies that kept getting caught in his throat.

He’d been selfish, and he’d upset them all so much but…

But he’d been so hurt. He’d felt so hurt for months and none of them had noticed. Nobody had asked. He wasn’t angry, he knew they would never have left him like that if they could have known. But it didn’t change the fact that it had happened.

But it was...going to be better now. Logan wanted so badly to believe it was going to get better.

“We’re going to fix this,” Patton said, and Logan’s eyes slipped shut when the moral side once again began playing with his hair. “We’re gonna be right here, Lo. We’ve got you. It won’t ever get this bad again.”

Logan felt himself drifting back to sleep, the pain fading to a dull ache in the background, and he didn’t try to fight against it. His chest was still heavy, mind clouded with distorted thoughts and doubts, and he knew none of that would disappear the next time he woke up. He wasn’t naive enough to hope it would.

But he had a way to fix it now. A way that wasn’t quite so final as his original plan.

And his family would be there when he woke up. He didn’t have to do this by himself anymore. He didn’t have to be the only one trying to fix this.

Logan believed them. He wouldn’t have to do it alone. Never again.

[thegeneralguy]

The Champion of Olympus - Zeus´s Zeal

“To your right you can see the ruins of the fabled temple of Zeus, the once deity patron of the city. A statue in his honor was considered a world wonder in the ancient world. Now if you follow me…”

The enthusiastic tour guide waved her little red flag to gather the group of students listening to her. It was a particularly windy summer day when Markie Laur and some of his college classmates were taken on a tour through Greek archeological sites. This excursion was one of the only excuses’ students found in order to participate in this lecture. Markie himself had little to do in a Greek and Roman mythology course, being an engineering major. His two best friends convinced him to join the course so they could do a tour around Europe together. Besides, the free credits were always welcome.

The excursion moved sluggishly through the different ruins in the archeological site. Some students were very interested in the information and keen in on learning more. They engaged in discussion and conversation with the tour guide and their professor. Markie and his friends were none of them. They hung out in the back of the tour. Robert was showing Jordan different bars in Amsterdam on his phone, both plotting enthusiastically how many drugs they would be able to take and how many European girls were they going to take back to their hotel room once they were there. Markie just hung out on the back watching the sites in peace. Although the three 21 year old college students shared the same nerdy nature, Markie was the shyest of the three. He didn´t share the other two´s deliriums of grandeur, nor sexual preference for the matter. His insecure nature made him unsure to come out to the supposedly closest friends he had in college. He was friends with Robert and Jordan out of survival instinct more than true friendship.

Markie and Robert landed in the same dorm room on their freshman year. Jordan was Robert´s hometown neighbor that had the luck of landing in the same college as his best friend. Both were boastful economy majors who tried and failed constantly in on inserting themselves amongst the more popular social circles. Markie was more down to earth than the other two, completely conscious that the combination of his cherub face, short unathletic body and shy personality automatically put him on the bottom layer of the Darwinist ladder that was college life. Robert saw the physical similarities of his roommate as a reason to adopt him into their duo, and so the three of them started hanging out together, playing videogames, making complex plans to get into some fraternity parties and talking about their crushes. Markie just went along with it. Drug use, even though mild was where he drew the line, completely paranoid that he was going to get expelled if caught.

Now the three of them were finishing their sophomore year with cero conquests under their belts, so their trip to Europe was the only hope of Robert and Jordan to get some of the validation they had been craving.

The sun started setting down as the tour started heading towards the information center to compare notes and conclude the visit. The day had gotten increasingly stormy, with dark clouds gathering on the sky and blocking the sunset light. Markie was still on the far back of the group, his gaze scanning the surrounding ruins. He started wondering why the site was so empty, with none other than the little group ahead of him on sight.

“Maybe there´s bad weather coming.”

He thought as a chill crossed his spine. He stopped to take his sweater out of his backpack, completely missing that everyone, including his friends continued advancing down the road until he was left completely alone. Markie put on his oversized college sweatshirt, his body practically drowning in the garment. He looked around searching for his friends, but there was no one on sight. An ominous wind started blowing, moving the grass with an eerie rhythm. The trees rustled next to him, and the faint sound of thunder resonated in the distance.

“Guys? Rob?”

His anxiety started acting out, as he nervously wandered on the dirt road looking for his friends. The path started to disappear slowly, leaving tall luscious grass behind. An unseen force was guiding Markie through the glade. His mind was racing, already making up hundreds of scenarios where he got lost and was never able to return home. He just felt he needed to move forward, and so he did. The breeze around him kept getting stronger, with little droplets of rain being blown straight into his face.

Suddenly Markie found himself right in the middle of the ruins of the temple of Zeus. He recognized them from the tour, being the only part that really caught his attention for some reason. The sound of thunder kept getting stronger, as the air current suddenly started to form a whirlwind around him. The rain had gotten stronger, pouring down furiously and completely drenching him.

Markie started having a panic attack, his breathing getting to the point of hyperventilation. He suddenly felt an incredible pressure on top of him. He looked up to one of the columns and saw a gigantic golden eagle perched on top of it. A bright lightning bolt completely blinded his eyesight for an instant, and when he looked up once again, he was confronted with a vision of the most perfect man he had ever seen.

His gargantuan chest was framed by two sets of enormous shoulders, which were connected to two arms so muscular they must have been around the same girth as Markie´s waist. Powerful legs supported the massive body of the gorgeous man, whose height made him seem double the body size of the little 5´6 college student. The luscious curls of his golden beard fell right in the middle of his chest, as his gorgeous mane of equally beautiful hair framed a face that looked near aesthetic perfection. Features that exuded masculinity, but still kept a supernatural beauty that was only present in the sculptures of antiquity. The man was wearing a white robe tied only on top of one of his shoulders, with big golden bracelets on each of his wrists. The man emitted a light glow from his body, like his whole silhouette was encased in a halo.

“Who—o a—are you? Did I die?”

Asked Markie nervously. His gaze couldn’t find anything else other than the godly fantasy in front of him.

“Silence boy. I´m going to grant you a gift. A gift all mortals would kill for.”

“A gift? Please don´t hurt me. I´m really sorry if I trespassed, I can´t find….”

“I said quiet!”

The man roared with fury. Markie managed to get out a panicked yelp as thunder stroke the ground all around him.

“You really remind me of him. Come and find me when you´re ready. All your questions will be answered. Enjoy it boy, for it will come with a price.”

The man pointed his finger at him. Suddenly Markie felt a jolt of electricity course all across his body. He was afraid he was going to be fried by the stud in front of him. Lighting fell again very close to the man, completely blinding Markie again. When he looked up the storm was gone, and so was the man. He briefly thought he imagined everything, until he felt his soaking wet clothes. He could also still feel the light static effect he felt when the stranger raised his finder towards him. He wondered if his friends had pranked him by sneaking in some hallucinogen into his water bottle when the annoyed voice of his professor grounded him back on reality.

“Mr. Laur, may I remind you that profanation of ancient heritage sites is strictly punished by the law? Come back here this instant. The bus is waiting for us.”

Markie rushed out of the ruins to join his classmates on the bus back into town. He briefly looked back at Zeus´s temple one last time, and thought he saw a big bird fly fast into the sky.

 “Whoa man did you jump into the fountain or something?”

Asked Robert when he saw his roommate entering the bus soaking wet.

“Very funny Rob. It was the rain.”

Answered Markie unenthusiastically as he took the seat behind Robert and Jordan.

“What rain dude, its as dry as Angela´s pussy over there.”

Whispered Jordan giggling whilst nodding in the direction of one of their most conservative classmates. Markie didn´t even reply to his friend´s crude comment, as the bus slowly departed the site towards the hotel. Olympia wasn´t a big city, but his classmates had already made plans in meeting in the small bar next to the hotel to talk about the trip so far and have some drinks. Robert and Jordan kept snorting and laughing from time to time watching some random insta-girl´s page.

“What a pair of losers.”

Thought Markie to himself as he pondered on his friends’ blatant misogyny. He kept staring out the window into the dark void in front of him. His smooth boyish face greeted him back on the black window. He took a moment to really look at himself. Other than the childish rounded cheeks and soft features, he wasn´t so ugly. His dark brown eyes gave him a friendly look, and his teeth were straight and white. He could look much cuter if he put some effort into it. Stop shaving his dark brown hair with an electric razor, paid an actual hairstylist to get him on of those popular haircuts every guy on the internet had and get some actual sunlight in order to improve the corpse looking hue on his skin would get him far. He could finally stop hanging out with those guys.

The sudden confidence rush went away as fast as it came, leaving Markie languishing in self doubt once again.

“Who am I kidding? I´ll never have the confidence to be on my own.”

Crippling social anxiety and low self esteem were the true shackles tying him to a lonely existence, not the way he looked. Confidence could completely change someone´s image of themselves, making him attractive to himself and by inertia to others as well.

The sudden epiphany caused a golden spark to light in on Markie´s eyes, just an instant so he could see it, but not slow enough so he could know if it was real or a product of his imagination. The static feeling was slowly turning into a constant tingling spreading all across his body. A droplet of sweat travelled down his temple as he felt his body heat slowly rising. He took away his sweatshirt only to find his equally wet t-shirt clinging to his thin body, but showing a tiny strip of skin belonging to his lower belly. If it were dry Markie would´ve also noticed a certain tightness on the kid sized garment, his torso gaining an almost imperceptible amount of mass. He still felt as if he was being asphyxiated by his own clothes. His temperature was rising so high that he could almost feel a humidity cloud form all around him coming from his wet clothes.

“Markie! Man you´re really off today.”

Markie was so busy fighting his need to rip his t-shirt off so hard he barely noticed the curious eyes of both of his friends staring at him.

“We need to get you some new clothes. You have to look your best if we´re gonna go hunting man!”

Said Robert enthusiastically as he high fived Jordan. Markie just answered with a nervous laugh as he kept trying not to cause a scene in a moving vehicle.

After what felt like an eternity the bus arrived at the hotel. Markie practically jumped out of his seat and rushed towards the exit. He could also feel his jeans ending a bit above his ankles, and his shoes constricting his feet. The first thing he thought was that the water had shrunken his clothes, but after feeling the sensation spread along the static tingling, he suspected this could be related to that fever dream he had in the ruins.

The professor gathered everyone right outside the bus to plan the rest of the evening. Markie stood there impatiently among his fellow classmates feeling increasing discomfort. The tingling turned to numbness, making him lose sensation on his hands and feet. The only thing he wanted was to get back to his room so he could wash himself and get into fresh clothes. His usual nervous expression started turning into an angry sneer, as his impatience grew along with his discomfort. As soon as the professor dismissed them, Markie rushed straight through the small hotel doors directly to the room he shared with his two friends. He got into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

He was sweating profusely and his body heat started rising so high an actual steam cloud started forming around him. The numbness in his limbs had turn into an excruciating pain, as cramps travelled all across his body tensing the little muscle mas he had. He felt like he was being electrocuted. He looked into the mirror and was greeted by a bizarre image of himself wearing a little kid´s clothes. The t-shirt looked more like a crop top now, the little sleeves were being strained by two longer arms. His pants were riding halfway up his calves. He managed to kick out the shoes that were also clearly a few sizes too small for his grown feet. Markie did his best not to scream in pain due to the sensations assaulting his body.

The small lightbulb illuminating the bathroom started flickering and a small air current started forming around Markie. A sharp pain in his stomach made him turn to the toilet and throw up the little food he had ingested during the day. Shivers crossed his body as the cramps got stronger. He could see the ligaments in his hands contracting and moving on their own because of the strong muscle spasms. He turned his face back into the bowl and retched loudly clasping his stomach, tears of effort running down his cheeks.

“Markie? Are you alright in there?”

Asked Robert knocking on the bathroom door. He was so distracted by the sensations assaulting his body that he completely missed his friends enter the hotel room. He responded with a quiet “yeah” and made a conscious effort in making it sound as calm as possible. The last thing he wanted was those guys seeing him in his current state.

“I´ll be out in a minute.”

Said Markie as he managed to pull himself back on his feet. The wind in the bathroom had gotten stronger, and Markie could swear he could hear the faint sound of thunder inside the room. He grabbed the edge of the sink and looked into the mirror. His face was completely red, and his hair was dripping sweat as if a cloud was pouring rain on top of him. He looked at himself straight in the eyes, and then it happened. A golden color started to seep out of his pupils, changing the brown hue of his iris. It looked like molten gold was being directly injected into his eyes. Once the new color took completely over, the lightbulb started shining so bright it completely burst after a few seconds. Markie heard the glass shards fall on the ground, and the room was left in complete darkness. The only source of light were his iridescent golden eyes.

He tried to move to the side, but he accidentally stepped on a few glass pieces and slipped on the wet floor. He howled in pain and steadied himself with the bathroom sink. He also didn’t realize his hand moved way too close to the electrical outlets next to the mirror. A faint crackling sound could be heard, and white sparks started jumping out of the outlet.  Suddenly, a lightning bolt shot straight out of the outlet directly into Markie´s hand. He tried to scream, but not a single noise came out of his mouth. The wind started flowing stronger, forming a vortex with the college student straight in the center. Another lightning bolt coming from an electrical outlet on top of the floor flew straight heading for his other hand. Both currents formed two chain lightning shackles that tied the boy in the center of the room.

Markie felt vertigo, as his growth spurt continued on an accelerated pace, putting him over a foot from his original height. His feet grew proportionally to help him stabilize his now towering stature, the skin on his soles hardening and expelling the glass shards he slipped on earlier. The electric shackles started spreading lighting bolts up his arms and into his torso, completely burning the remains of the already ripped small t-shirt. He felt an excruciating pain while his bone structure changed. His clavicle extended, pushing both of his shoulders further to the sides. His ribcage also expanded together with his waist. The remains of his pants started digging painfully into the skin of his hips. Once the bones finished their transformation, the pain started to subside.

Markie stood in the middle of the room completely disoriented. His new height made everything take on different dimensions and the irregular sparks and lightning bolts were illuminating the bathroom in all kinds of bizarre ways. Not to mention the wind throwing all kinds of hygiene supplies all around. His gaze found his reflection in the mirror. He looked like an underfed giant of a man. It was like the little muscle mass he had was distributed evenly across his new size, leaving him practically just bones and skin. He watched the flashy shackles fascinated, as sparks jumped and squirmed in the air before fading into blackness.

Suddenly, he felt the strong static feeling on his wrists, as lightning bolts dug under his skin and spread through his body. He could feel the electrical current inside of him, the pain of the intense cramps returning in major scale. Electricity was contracting every muscle fiber, breaking and healing them very rapidly. New muscle nuclei started forming as well in order to endure the work the chain lightning was putting them through. Markie´s hands were the first to grow. Delicate long fingers filled with strong muscle, as his palms expanded and hardened. Callouses formed to protect them from the heavy labor they were now designed to do. They looked comically large, comparable to big baseball mitts on a small child. The transformation immediately shot right up his forearms, expanding them to incredible size that would put Popeye out of work without question. Strong sinews connected his powerful hands to his elbows, giving them a vice like strength too atop of their intimidating look. His upper arms picked up on the growth too, biceps inflating to the size of a cantaloupe and triceps completely defying gravity jutting so far out the back of his arms it looked like someone had welded big horseshoes on his already enormous arms. The shoulders expanded next, gaining epic proportions comparable to a pumpkin on top of each arm. Markie gritted his teeth in pain as he caught a glimpse of what has happening to him. He looked like a doll that had gotten the arms of a He-Man toy accidentally glued on his lanky torso.

A strong spasm in his chest caused him to fall forwards, the shackles on his arms preventing him from touching the ground. He was scared for a second, he was having a heart attack, as each pectoral muscle twitched and pulsed manipulated by the electric current. His chest started inflating rapidly in all directions, rising high on the top reaching for his chin, and squaring off in the bottom, leaving a big shelf hanging from the distressed student´s upper body. The electric bolts reached for his nipples, hardening them and expanding them until the former tack sized miniatures grew to a more manly dollar coin size.

Markie could feel the electricity running all across his spine, engorging his back so support such a top-heavy body. His traps developed in the upper part, reaching for his ears, and his lats expanded to the sides pushing the gargantuan arms to the sides on a permanent forty-degree angle. His lower back developed strongly to support the heavy muscle on the top. Then he felt as if someone was punching him straight on his stomach, as each individual abdominal muscle popped from his midsection, carving a deep valley in the center of his body, and leaving him with a truly enviable small waist that made the proportions on the upper body look more freakish.

The cramps then travelled down his waist, focusing on his practically non-existent glutes, contracting and twisting them. His ass started to slowly inflate into two pairs of gravity defying boulders, completely ripping the rest of his pants and leaving Markie with his tight white briefs, which looked more like a thong being swallowed by the two monstrous muscles. His manhood was left completely ignored by the electrical current, leaving him practically flat on the front. Each quadricep spasmed and developed deep cut muscle, growing to gigantic proportions in order to move this behemoth of a body around. Calves inflated next leaving him with two powerful football looking muscles ready to propel Markie in whichever direction he wanted. His feet were the last part of his body to change, filling with powerful strength to support the now card-carrying bodybuilder.

As soon as the last part of his body concluded growing, the electrical shackles were absorbed into Markie´s body. He started to emit a faint glow, dimly illuminating the bathroom. His pale skin took on a golden hue. He looked into the mirror once again and he saw his face with two glowing eyes on top of a body that wasn’t his. The miniature storm inside the room also subsided, leaving him quietly staring into the mirror.

“Is that really me?”

Asked Markie to himself whilst touching his powerful chest. He accidentally brushed one of his nipples with his hand, and it caused a small electrical current to travel across his chest. Only this time it wasn´t pain what he felt, but pleasure. Markie had a very prude attitude, barely exploring sex by himself, let alone with somebody else. But this sensation sparked something else in him. An instinct buried so deeply within insecurities, that it had remained imperceptible to him. But something inside his was pushing him to do it again, to finally unleash the real him.

“I can´t believe it. This can´t be real.”

Markie raised an arm and flexed. Powerful muscle twitched and pumped inside of him, his bicep raising higher and higher. He chuckled slightly. A quiet laugh that increased in intensity, as Markie explored and felt every new part of his anatomy. He then took his other nipple between his fingers and pinched it slightly. An even stronger pleasure jolt shot across his body.

The college boy was becoming less and less of a boy the more he touched himself. Confidence was flooding every inch of his being. Someone who looked like a God should behave as a God as well thought Markie, while his slow caresses of his body turned to an intense erotic massage. His hand touched the deep crevices of his abdomen, and slowly found its way to the boy´s less than impressive endowment.

“This simply won´t do.”

Said Markie in a quasi-trance like state. He slowly reached to the electrical outlet again, and focused all of his energy in summoning that spark again. His call was quickly answered, as an intense lightning bolt shot straight towards his hand again.

“Yes. Give me more. More strength. More power.”

Said Markie, his boyish voice taking on a powerful commanding voice. He then took the hand connected with the electricity to his crotch, and grabbed his bulge once again. The electricity then travelled directly into his manhood, shotting bolts of pleasure all over Markie´s body. His mind was filled with images of intimacy, of epic scenes of desire and encyclopedic sexual knowledge.

“Fuck yeah. More.”

He cursed for the first time in his life, while the overwhelming sensation clouded the last of his senses and erased the old Markie from existence, leaving a blank canvas for his new godly persona to take place. His manhood started growing to divine proportions, completely straining the briefs to the point of breaking. White tatters fell to the floor, as his equine endowment raised straight and up, reaching almost a foot in length. Like the rest of his body, the girth proportions adjusted too, leaving him with practically an extra limb on his lower body, as thick as a baby arm. His testicles inflated like water balloons until each was the size of a lemon. The powerful divine seed inside them started seeping it´s essence to the rest of his body, as Markie reached the final step of his transformation.

His neck thickened, and his moans of pleasure started dropping in pitch until his boy-like cadence reached an intimidating deep baritone. He grunted as his mandible contorted and expanded into comic book hero proportions. A cleft formed on his powerful chin, and his teeth grew to fit the new size of his mandible. His lips thinned out giving him a serious look. The baby fat on his cheeks evaporated, leaving sharp angular features behind. His nose remained straight, but grew to accommodate the aesthetic of the new man´s face. His brow expanded and hooded over his eyes, giving him a stern serious look.

His shaved brown hair then started growing on the top, parting sideways and acquiring a thick silky texture, along with a golden tone. The new blonde´s body hair flourished right afterwards. Clear body hair sprouted on his forearms and on top of his hands, but the rest of him remained smooth. The hair in his pits and on his pubic region also changed to a blonde hue, before falling down leaving the new man completely shaved. Changes in the hair follicles were made, as this was a very hairy man that manscaped regularly. Thick stubble then grew on his face, leaving a permanent five o´clock shadow. Finally, a thick mustache and a soul patch formed around his mouth, completing the transformation.

Where once stood a puny college student, now stood a complete god of a man. The former 21 year old looked almost a decade older, not that it would worry him too much because his mind also started changing to accommodate the new bodybuilder. His fears and worries completely evaporated, leaving behind a man that lived in the moment. He ate when he wanted to, he went where he wanted to and he fucked whenever he wanted to. His repulsion for his nickname grew, and he decided to adopt his full name from ow on.  Where there was once a Markie now stood Marcus, the champion of the thunder god Zeus.

He flexed and roared in triumph as one last lightning bolt shot through the outlet reaching him. Veins started popping on his arms and legs, like lightning coursing through a stormy sky. He turned around and opened the bathroom door, stepping into the world for the first time.

“What do you think of this one?”

Said Jordan whilst showing his friend one of the many fedora hats he brought to the trip.

“Who cares? Fedoras aren’t cool anymore man. It´s all over the internet, look it up.”

Answered Robert exasperated of having to go through another wardrobe dilemma. He couldn´t stop thinking about Markie and his weirder than usual attitude these last couple of hours. His roommate had been in the bathroom for a while now, but there was no sound coming from the bathroom ever since Markie answered him, he was fine.

“Do you think Markie is okay in there?”

He asked Jordan, who barely looked up from his suitcase.

“I don´t know. But who cares man? Less dead weight for us when we go for the chicks later.”

“He´s not a dead weight Jordan. I know Markie is shy and kind of weird, but he´s a great guy. Trust me, I know. I live with him.”

“We both know why he´s like that. Not that I have anything against it, but its impressive how he thinks no one realizes the way he looks at those douches from the frat sometimes.”

“He will tell us whenever he´s ready. And even if he´s not it´s okay. He will still be my friend. And I hope yours too Jordan.”

“Come on man. I like gay dudes. Less competition for us. I just don´t want him to ruin our hunt with his angst when we go out to the bar.”

“It´s about time to get going though. I´m gonna ask Markie if we should meet him directly in the bar, if It hasn´t confused him with a child and kidnaped him through the sink.”

Both friends laughed at the reference just as Robert approached the bathroom door once again.

“Markie my man, we´re gonna get going. You can meet us there if you want, but don´t feel rushed take your time. Hope that you´re okay though.”

He said knocking lightly on the door. A faint grumble could be heard on the other side, but Markie didn´t answer. Robert took that as a response, and he turned around to prepare his stuff and go.

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened with such a force it ripped it out of it´s hinges. A blinding light was coming from the bathroom, together with enough steam to turn the small hotel room into a sauna. Robert and Jordan watched completely in shock as the new Marcus stepped out of the bathroom, his whole body enveloped in a golden halo. Both college students looked tiny in comparison to the enormous wall of muscle standing in front of them.

“Who—o a—are you? Whe—ere´s Ma—arkie?”

Managed to squeak Robert nervously while his eyes scanned every mountain and every valley that composed the behemoth´s body.

“It is Marcus now, my friends. Come and bathe in all my glory.”

Said Marcus while raising both of his arms and flexing his latissimus muscles, completely eclipsing the now small in comparison bathroom door. A potent smell started wafting through the air, impregnating the steam with masculine pheromones coming directly from the giant´s underarms. Both Robert and Jordan were put in a trance like state, and approached the shining man.

“Yes. Come to me. I will show you the true meaning of pleasure.”

Deep primal instincts were awoken in both boys. Lust, submission and adoration completely eclipsed the nervous feeling both had. As soon as their hands touched Marcus´s chest, an intense shock of pleasure shot through both of their bodies, travelling directly to their brains completely burning their old personas out of their heads. Both boys had their irises completely drained of color, leaving white mindless eyes behind. Marcus took each one of them by their waists and pulled them close. Their hands started exploring the giant´s body, leaving a trail of sparks jumping off the radiant skin.

He then leaned down to kiss Robert, while Jordan worked his way down licking the sweat off his chest and descending slowly through the cobblestone road on his midsection. His giant manhood was already hard as an iron bar, eager for attention. As soon as Jordan´s mouth made contact with the pulsing member, a strong stream of electricity started inundating his body. The small muscles spasmed and expanded to ridiculous proportions. The small belly he had grown out of eating too many pizza slices and drinking mountain dew evaporated into this air, leaving a hard six pack behind. His chest raised, forming two pillows sticking far out of his chest. His limbs contracted and expanded into heroic proportions, leaving the new man at least a hundred pounds heavier with pure lean mass. He stayed at the same 5´6 height, making the new man a fireplug of a bodybuilder.

He had already kneeled down and was worshipping the godly pole in front of him, savoring the nectar coming from the tip as if he was drinking ambrosia directly from the source. His face cracked and rearranged leaving brutish heavy features, but still holding onto some beauty. Age seeped into his skin and his muscles, seasoning them with the hardness of a more adult male. All his hair fell down, except his eyebrows, leaving the man completely smooth. His skin took on a stronger golden hue than Marcus, without the glow.

Meanwhile Marcus was inserting his large tongue into his former friend´s mouth, completely invading him. Robert´s jaw cracked and rearranged into a sharp square. His cheekbones raised and the fat melted off his face, leaving a shockingly handsome face behind. Unlike his friend, Robert stayed young, his visage devoid of any single imperfection. He slowly grew up a couple of inches, but still remaining far off the height of the god sodomizing his mouth. His body then expanded, muscles piling on top of each other, but also craving themselves deep into his body. His former chubby physique completely shed off any excess fat, leaving him at a single digit body fat percentage. His chest didn´t hang as far as Jordan´s, but it squared off in the bottom as if being carved out of a marble statue by a classical sculptor. His eight pack was accentuated by the sharp Adonis belt pointing downwards. His legs and arms grew muscular, each individual sinew visible thanks to the thin skin on top of them. He had a bit less mass than his kneeling friend, but was way more defined. His body hair also fell down entirely, leaving the new handsome hunk as smooth as his former best friend.

Both new men´s manhood stayed the same size though, which made them seem much smaller on their larger bodies. Marcus then looked at his two new servants. He was completely conscious he was their master and demanded their adoration, but also felt a deep bond to them. He was free to fornicate with whomever he wanted to, but these two were going to be forever bound to him, desperate for his love and addicted to his divine masculinity. As for the two men worshipping their new master, their sole purpose of existing was serving and pleasing this new god among men.

He then ordered the former Jordan to lay on the bed, and pushed the former Robert right next to him. Although it was his sexual debut, Marcus felt as if he had done this for all of eternity. He was ready to claim what was his and become the supreme being he was destined to be.

The students evacuated the hotel in panic, together with their professor and fellow guests. An unusually strong lightning bolt had stricken the small building, completely blowing up an entire corner. Three students were missing. Cries and sirens resonated through the night sky. The professor tried desperately to communicate with the local authorities, completely ignorant that the three students had disappeared forever.

 A car approached the ruins of the temple of Zeus. A giant figure then got out of the vehicle, accompanied by two large silhouettes that stayed behind. Marcus approached the center of the ruins. He was wearing a tight pair of black underpants, unable to find any other fitting clothes. Not that he needed to, his enormous body produced large amounts of heat, and still emitted a low shine highlighting him in the darkness. He had no need to hide. He was a gift to humanity, their savior. Anyone should feel blessed and humbled on his presence.

A lightning bolt fell directly in front of him, but the man stayed completely unfazed. Zeus appeared in front of him, still towering over the new Marcus, but seeming less than a giant next to the behemoth in front of him.

“You turned out very well. I was not mistaken in choosing you Marcus Laur.”

Said Zeus examining his perfect handiwork. He would say he was surprised by how well the job was made, but it was he who had done it, so it was only natural it was perfect. Marcus bowed in front of his creator and said with a respectful, but firm tone.

“Your words are my command my lord. What is it that I should do?”

Zeus´s stern face showed a glimpse of joy.

“I need you to be my envoy on this world, imprinting it with my will, which shall be your own. Humans are sheep, you shall be their shepherd. Come to the base of Mount Olympus. I shall put you through fearsome trials. Fear not though, with my power as your own you shall overcome them without problem.”

He then looked at the two muscular men standing right next to the car.

“I see you already got a taste of your powers. Good. You have two weeks to discover and reach your full potential. Do not fail.”

“Thank you, my lord. I shall not disappoint you.”

Marcus watched as lightning fell again, and Zeus disappeared. The golden eagle was already flying out of sight in the night sky. Zeus was very pleased with himself. He had many things in mind for his new toy. Not ever since meeting Ganymede had he felt an infatuation like this for a mortal, only this time he used his will to turn him into his ideal for true human beauty, and he imbued him with some of his divine power. His desire was going to burn the other competitors out of the way, thought the god of thunder. Marcus would become the Champion of Olympus.

[lawrenceop]

HOMILY for 15th Sun after Pentecost (Dominican rite)

Gal 5:25-26, 6:1-10; Luke 7:11-16

Here in the Rosary Shrine, I celebrate Mass both in the reformed Roman Rite, and also in the Dominican rite. Consequently, on most Sundays I would have a different set of Scripture readings to pray and think about, and so I would sometimes write two different sermons. Over the course of the year, as I’ve now read through the whole of the Lectionary in the older form of the Mass, I am frequently struck by the epistles that are appointed to be read during this time after Pentecost. The vast majority of the passages are from the pastoral epistles, which deal with relations among Christians. Hence the epistles read in the Mass are directed ad intra, instruction for the Christian assembled for divine worship, and they tell us how we are to treat one another, how we should behave within Christ’s holy Church, and thus the kind of virtues we should foster as disciples of Jesus Christ.

Consider, for example, this sentence from St Paul’s letter to the Galatians today: “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Look to yourself, lest you too be tempted.” Just before this passage, St Paul has listed the fruits of the Spirit, among which is gentleness. So, here again, he exhorts us to be gentle with one another, particularly when someone has fallen into sin, presumably even serious sin. In the Greek text, the fruit of the spirit, translated as gentleness is prautes, which means mildness of disposition, meekness, just as Christ says in Matthew 11:29 that he is “meek [or gentle] and lowly in heart”; the same Greek word, prautes is used here. The Latin translation by St Jerome, interestingly, uses two different Latin words for prautes. In Galatians 5:23, when St Paul lists the gifts of the Holy Spirit, prautes is translated as mansuetudo, which means tameness, mildness, clemency. And then, when the same Greek word recurs in today’s epistle passage, in Galatians 6:1, the translation of prautes is lenitas, which means softness, tenderness, and leniency. So, how are we to treat a fellow Christian who has fallen into sin? St Paul says that one who has the gifts of the Holy Spirit would behave gently, with mildness just as Christ is mild and un-condemning with us, and with leniency.

Why is this? Because we have clay feet, we are fallible sinful people too, because we too might be tempted and fall into sin. Hence, he says: “look to yourself”, watch out, mind your own business! Hence Our Lord also warns us in St John’s Gospel: “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.” (Jn 8:7). Or in St Matthew’s Gospel: “Judge not lest you be judged” (Mt 7:1), which is not a call for us to relinquish any discernment of right from wrong, but rather a warning not to presume to condemn another Christian. For, as St James says in his pastoral epistle: “He that… judges a brother… judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the Law but a judge. There is [but] one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you that you judge your neighbour?” (Jm 4:11-12)

The Holy Spirit, therefore, gives us his gifts of wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord, so that we might bear fruit, including the fruit of meekness, gentleness, lowliness of heart. For it is with a spirit of gentleness that we shall be kept from falling into the grave sin of spiritual pride, of judging and condemning a brother or sister in Christ. St Jerome’s use of the word mansuetudo, tameness, suggests that the Holy Spirit is seen to be at work in our lives when he tames us, and so we are held back from harsh judgment of a fellow Christian, and so we exhibit that other fruit of the Holy Spirit, namely, self-control.

Among the gifts of the Holy Spirit are those that affect our knowledge–firstly, knowledge concerning God and the revelations of God and the means to salvation. But also true knowledge about ourselves. So St Paul enunciates a fundamental truth for us in today’s epistle passage: “If any one thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” Those who are wise, who fear God and who have understanding will be able to say, without self-recrimination or self-effacement or without destroying one’s proper sense of self-esteem, that, in truth, “I am nothing”. The great Dominican mystic, St Catherine of Siena, told her confessor, Bl. Raymond of Capua that Jesus appeared to St Catherine in a vision and told her: “You are she who is not.” With these words, this wisdom and knowledge imparted by a supernatural grace to her soul, St Catherine was thus given a remedy for pride.

For as Blessed Raymond of Capua went on to say: “Here is a healing remedy, for what wound of pride can enter into a soul that knows itself to be nothing? Who can glory in anything he does? And thus, all vices are driven out by the words, “You are not”. Then, Bl. Raymond adds: “Here too are many anxieties diminished. For, [as Blessed Raymond says] “whenever I or any of the other friars was afraid of any danger, Catherine would say, “What have you to do with yourselves? Leave it to Divine Providence. However much afraid you are, Providence still has his eyes on you and is always aiming at your salvation.”

This, my friends, is saintly wisdom, given from on high by the Holy Spirit. For many in our age are rapt in pride, and they do not even know it. Many people, for example, appear anxious to save the world, or to save the planet and its environment, or to save the Church, and their anxieties arise not because these causes are not worthy of our attention and care, but because they vaingloriously think that the salvation of the Church, of the world, of other people depends on them and their particular action, and so they become activists and campaigners, and they anxiously can think that the outcome depends on them. But St Catherine and Holy Scripture suggests that this is precisely the dangerous hidden deception of pride: to think that I myself am a saviour. But I am he who is not. So, “look to yourself” says St Paul. “Leave it to Divine Providence” says St Catherine. Hence today’s epistle says: “Let us do good to all men, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” Our spirit of meekness and gentleness towards our fellow Christians, therefore, overflows into benevolence for all people but especially for those who are also baptised into the true Faith, into the life of grace in Jesus Christ.

Sadly, many interactions among us Christians and particularly between Catholics on social media cannot be said by onlookers to be benevolent or gentle or meek in spirit, and this is true even when the comments are directed towards the Holy Father, the Vicar of Christ! Earlier in his letter to the Galatians, before he lists the fruits of the Holy Spirit, St Paul lists the “works of the flesh”. Among them are “anger… dissension, party spirit” (cf Gal 5:20) – a better translation for the latter might be something like tribalism – and I think one has to honestly and prayerfully reflect on how we behave online, how we speak to one another and about one another, and then ask ourselves: do I exhibit the works of the flesh or the fruits of the Holy Spirit. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”, says St Paul (Gal 5:22-23).

Now, don’t get me wrong: sometimes we do need to fight for what is right, and to make a stand for the vulnerable as we did at the March for Life yesterday. Where sin abounds, we should do what we can in justice and in charity to stop it. However, we must do so in all humility, with gentleness and meekness, without judging and condemning the other, because we know that but for the grace of God, we too would and could and often do fall. For as Our Lord says: “Without me you can do nothing.” (Jn 15:5). Indeed, without God, we are nothing, and can do no good.

Therefore, St Paul declared to the Corinthians: “God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom, our righteousness and sanctification and redemption; therefore, as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts, boast of the Lord.’” (1 Cor 1:28-31) So, let us always first look to ourselves in order that in all things we keep looking to the Lord!

[the-sympathetic-villain]

Choking in the Dark

AO3 | Next | Masterpost

Description: The prompt for this one-shot is this animatic, "Wires" by Anna Midnight, which I highly recommend you watch before reading.

Characters: Logan, Remus Word Count: 2769 Chapter Warnings: Heavy Angst, Choking, Self-Esteem Issues/Self-Deprecation, Injuries, Dark but Not Necessarily Unsympathetic sides, Abandonment, Self-Harm, Angst with an okay(?) ending (Let me know if I need to add anything!)

General Taglist:

@somehow-i-got-an-account @justanotherhumanstuff @im-an-anxious-wreck

-

   I can’t breathe.

   Hours.

   How many hours?

   I've been here for so long.

   Logan's lungs ached. On his knees, he hung his head. The weight of his head pulling against the thick rubber cable around his neck, making it even harder to breath. He stayed there for a moment, swaying as he ignored the voice in the back of his mind screamed for air.The voice became increasingly persistent until he was forced to raise his head as the edges of his vision blurred.

   It doesn't matter.

   Thick wires cut deep into his wrists, a solemn comfort that he was even alive. The fading had started hours ago, starteing in the tips of his fingers and slowly claiming his body.  He held up his hand. The translucent appearance of his digits a metaphorical punch to the gut as he jerked his head, the wire around his neck tightening like a noose.

   I'll do you all a favor and spare you my company.

   If he'd known the words would be some of his last, he would have chosen a subject more interesting to lecture on than Peter Singer's take one Effective Altruism. He could have talked about anything. Astronomy, chemistry—The others barely acknowledged his contributions as it stood. The topics may not have been relevant, but at least he would have been able to choose the lesson.

   His last lesson.

   Logan whimpered as the thick wire tightened around his neck, cutting into the already raw skin. He wheezed a stiff breath against the heavy piece of rubber threatening to crush his windpipe.

   Not that it would have had an impact on any of them.

   The piles of dust scattered across the floor around him remained a stark reminder that his words fell flat on the ears of those he most needed to hear them. Thomas—His friends—

   If that's even what they consider me at this point.

   After all, he was here. No one had noted his absence in the hours he'd been gone.

   Why would they?

   Clearly, his words were so unnecessary they should simply be skipped. He growled breathlessly in frustration as the binds around his wrists pulled taut. His arms were stretched out, pulled upward like some sort of sick marionette hanging limply on his knees. He glared into the empty space around him. His ‘room' as the others loved to refer to their personal corners of Thomas' mind.  His room. The awe-inspiring place had once been full of chemistry books and stars and all the little things that made Thomas curious. Logan had been collecting them since Thomas was a child, but it was gone, turned to piles of dust around his room as Thomas' search for knowledge fall further and further out of his mind.

   Unimportant.

   Just like him.

   He couldn’t help the sick smirk on his face as the wires tightened once more around his throat, jerking his head upright. He swallowed a shallow breath, barely drawing oxygen as his airway strained to remain open.

   Unwanted.

   Logan snarled bitterly as memories surfaced forcefully in his mind.

   Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed—

   I'll do you all a favor and spare you my company—

   His own words from this video echoed in his mind as he choked on his own breath. Only Patton had objected, but his protests were weak and quickly forgotten. If one thing was clear, it was that his contributions were neither wanted, nor needed anymore.

   They'll finally get what they've wanted all along—

   Logan groaned as the wires pulled on his wrists and his shoulders ached, barely holding place in the sockets against the strain of the heavy cords threatening to pull him to pieces.

   His life was a small price for them to pay for him to finally be silenced.

   Roman wouldn't have to shut him up when he started rambling anymore. Virgil wouldn't have the added stress of convincing him that Thomas' fears were valid. Patton wouldn't have to feign the moral obligation of treating him like an equal, like he actually had a seat at the table. Thomas—Logan choked back a sob—Thomas wouldn't have to feel guilty about pursuing what actually made him happy.

   This is for the best.

   After all, I already see how worthless my life had become—

   Logan’s head jerked up at the sound of a sinister snicker. “Well, well, well—Look who's wandered a little too far from the light. I didn't take you for the bondage type, teach.”

   He watched as Remus stepped out of the shadows, a menacing grin on his face as he approached. Logan scowled as Remus kicked through the piles of dust, scatter the last remnants of the things he once loved. “What are you doing here, Remus?”

   “What am I doing here?” Remus cackled maniacally. “Oh, no, no, no. The better question is what are you doing on the dark side?”

   “The dark—” A cry past Logan’s lips as the wires around his wrist jerked once more, dislocating his right shoulder. He groaned, daggers in his eyes as he glared at Remus. “You know what?”

   Remus tilted his head at Logan, a show of mock concern as he brushed through yet another pile of dust.

   “Fuck your questions.” Logan spat. “Leave me alone. The least the rest of you owe me is to let me fade away in peace.”

   “You ought to watch that mouth of yours or you're going to disappoint the cardigan-clad killjoy. Besides, what are you going to do about it?” Remus giggled as Logan glared, stepping forward and waving his hand through Logan’s phantom limb. “Ghost me?”

   Fire burned in Logan’s eyes as he stared at Remus, knowing he was helpless. Trapped, as Remus walked free to do as he pleased.

   “So, nerdy wolverine,” Logan looked up as Remus leaned close to his face. “What happened to my invite to the pity party?”

   “This isn't my doing,” Logan hissed, losing steam. “Thomas’ subconscious is pulling me back. I—I've outlived my purpose.”

   “Pulling you back seems like an understatement. It looks to me like you’re about to be pulled to shreds—” Remus smirked, leaning against the wall behind him nonchalantly. “—and don’t get me wrong. I’m all about watching Thomas' mind tear you into little pieces, but you’re supposed to be pretty important for the big guy, right? Seems to me like Thomas is supposed to need you more than those other dorks on the light side.”

   Logan gritted his teeth. “Clearly, you’re mistaken. They are managing perfectly well without me.”

   “Oh, now I do sense a little bitterness.” Remus purred. “Maybe he's not so resigned as he looks.”

   “Your point is null, Remus. My existence is of little consequence to anyone and the subconscious has made its decision.” Logan wheezed numbly, tears in his eyes as he tried to move his fingers, desperately hoping they were still there. “This is happening, whether I want it to or not.”

   "Oh, I don't know." Remus mused absently. "I don't think all of that is true."

   “What?” Logan strained painfully against the thick cord around his neck to turn his head to catch a glance at Remus.

   “I wouldn’t say no one wants you around.”

   Logan swallowed painfully, dropping his gaze in shame as tears brimmed in his eyes. “The others—”

   “Screw the others.” Remus smirked as Logan stared a him. “I meant me.”

   Logan froze, temporarily stunned as his limbs went limp in their binds. “You—you want me around?”

   “Now, don't get all sappy on me, teach, but the others aren't as much fun to play with. They roll over to easy.” Remus wiggled his eyebrows at him and giggled as Logan stared blankly at him. “Not you though. You gave me a run for my money last time, and—and we made a good team. Didn't we?”

   “What?” Logan winced as Remus raised a hand to his neck, staring at the wires digging into his skin. His fingertips brushed the edge of the wire's tight grip and the red, raw skin burned painfully at his touch, but the contact—the contact felt nice.Tears streaked down his face as emotions welled in his chest. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been touched so gently.

   “We may have opposed each other, but really that was the only way to get through to Thomas and it worked.” Remus sighed, and Logan could see the sadness in his eyes as he pulled his hand back, looking into Logan's eyes. “I couldn't have done that without you. The rest of them would never have seen past the darkness in me.”

   Logan stared blankly down at Remus for a long moment, before his purpose kicked in. “The others are unnecessary blinded by their narrow view of moral. The  concepts of light and dark are arguably meaningless. Assigning actions as good or evil only serves our biases and our internal need for affirmation of our own moral value—” Logan nearly bit down on his tongue as Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “—I'm sorry. I'm rambling.”

   “I didn’t stop you, teach." Remus smirked. "I would gladly listen to you ramble about light and dark for hours.”

   Logan blinked in surprise. For the first time in a long time, he actually believed someone was genuinely interested in his thoughts. He stared blankly at Remus until another tight squeeze of the wires caused his vision to blur. His head swayed, the lack of oxygen contributing to his fading consciousness.

   “Unfortunately, I don't think we have the time right now.” Remus glanced at him nervously. “The subconscious has nearly claimed you."

   “It's too late.” Logan wheezed, tears streaming down his face as he prepared for the mysterious edge of Thomas' mind to pull him apart.

   “The subconscious could have just taken you.”

   “What?”Logan cracked his eyes open at Remus' solemn whisper, nearly hyper ventilating from the strain to pull in enough oxygen to keep him conscious.

   “You could have disappeared on the light side, but it brought you here.” Remus looked up at the wires trailing infinitely into the  mind palace above them.

   Logan wearily stared up at him, black oblivion tugging at his vision as his head swayed. “So?”

   “So, do you want to live, Logan?” Logan barely felt as Remus grabbed his collar.

   Logan wheezed, exhaustion hanging onto his body as the pain intensified.

   “I need an answer, Logan.”

   Logan closed his eyes, oblivion pulling at him as he whispered breathlessly. “Yes.”

   “Alright,” Logan felt Remus drop his collar as he took a step back. “Forgive me for this.”

   “Wha—” Logan’s statement was cut off as Remus' knuckles connected with his temple. His head was jerked to the side and the welts on his neck burned like fire from the sudden movement.

   "Time to taste what you’re made of, Lo!”

   Logan’s head jerked up as he lurched forward furiously. White hot rage surged through his veins as he bit bit his lip hard enough to draw blood.

   What kind of sick bastard punches someone as they're dying.

   His hands hung loosely at his sides as he screamed at Remus. “You piece of—What are you trying to do to—”

   Wait. Loosely?

   The realization lasted only a moment before a second fist connected with his cheekbone. All rational thought left his mind as fury filled his being and he lunged forward at Remus. He cried out as his dislocated shoulder connected with Remus' chest, toppling him over. He gasped as he hit the ground and pain lit up across his body as his bruises and welts all connected with the ground with a loud thud.

   “Shit, Lo. You knocked the breath right out of me.” Logan could hear the sounds of Remus shuffling next to him. “Hold on. I've got you.”

   Logan felt Remus roll him over and he moaned in pain at the forced movement as his back settled on the cold ground.

   “I know, Lo, but I've got to set your arm before you do some permanent damage.” Remus whispered gently. “Are you ready? On 3. 1—2—”

   Logan's vision went white as pain shot through his body and his consciousness faded briefly. No times seemed to pass, but as he opened his eyes a moment, he found himself curled in Remus' arms. A quick glance down revealed that creative side had used his signature green sash to fashion a makeshift sling for his arm. He stared down at the gentle attention Remus had shown him and he couldn’t help but smile.

   Brilliant—

   Logan cut off his thought with a sudden gasp. His uninjured hand shot to his neck, feeling—nothing. Tears streamed down his face as he looked up to Remus. “ The wires. Th-they’re gone.”

   I'm free.

   “Sorry about the black eye I gave you to get you out of there.” Remus smirked as Logan looked up from his shaking hands, running his free hand through his hair as he looked away evasively as Logan stared at him. “I normally try to get permission before I get rough, but—”

   “You did that for me.” Logan's mouth hung open as he traced the deep indents in his arms where the wires had constricted his wrists.

   Remus shrugged. “It wasn't noth—"

   Logan sucked in a breath, going limp with the realization that someone cared enough to intervene. “It most certainly is something, Remus. Those wires—they've bound me for years. I don't think I even remember a time when they weren't—” Logan clenched his teeth, feeling the wet streaks mix with the blood from his lip running down his face. The realization of what just happened hit him all at once and he choked back a sob. “You saved my life.”

   “Nah,” Remus brushed him off. “You did all the real work. Everyone’s got a little light and dark in ‘em, right? I just antagonized that little spark of anger in you until you went full Mr. Hyde to your usual Dr. Jekyll. A little push and the dark side accepted you.”

   Logan blinked in shock as realization struck him. He dropped his gaze to the ground as he considered the days' events. "I'm a dark side now. Aren't I?"

   "What happened to the idea that light and dark are arguably meaningless, nutty professor?" Remus giggled before turning serious. “Don't worry. You're not stuck with me. The subconscious’ grip on you is gone if you want to go back—”

   “Don't make me go back, Re.”

   Remus stared at Logan pleaded up at him. “Lo, you can stay, if you want, but Virgil’s gone. I'm pretty sure Janus checked out after the last vid. It's just me down here and I snore—”

   “Remus, in the last ten minutes, you've shown me more humanity than any of the others have in years,” Anger flashed in Logan's eyes as he slowly straightened to his feet, glancing around the room. The piles of dust were gone, revealing a polished concrete floor, a blank canvas. “It all makes sense now.”

   “What does” Remus paused and watched as Logan stood. With a devilish smirk, he brushed off the the dust of his shirt. The last remnants of the his empathy fading into oblivion.

   Emotions. I always knew they were simply a nuisance.

   “I couldn’t help Thomas from the light side. The rules, the niceties…They were preventing me from fulfilling my purpose. I need to be more forceful. More persistent. More angry” Logan looked up to see the night sky above them, an illusion of the mind palace and the beginning of a new chapter. A bitter smile spread across Logan's face as the dark clouds swirled above them, allowing only a sprinkling of stars to show through. “Don't you see, Remus? I need to make them listen. I need to make Thomas listen.”

   Remus raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously. “You’re actually staying?”

   A mischievous smile spread across Logan’s face as he watched items creep slowly up out of the floor, his room now feeling much like he'd had before. A desk, a globe. The room filled to the brim with bookshelves. Everything returned to his room just like before was except—a little darker, a little colder and about as welcoming as the sinister smile spreading across his face. “Yes, I think I'm going to get comfortable here, Remus.”

   Remus matches his smile, giggling manically. “Ah yes, Lo. Let's burn this place to the ground!”

   Free. He was free at last.

   Logan chuckled, smiling at the wonderful man beside him. “Yes, Re, let's do just that.”

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[abusedsanderssides]

I Will Always Protect You, Dark Angel

Trigger/content warnings: Many mentions to rape and noncon (not actual described), abusive/unsympathetic Patton, hurt/comfort, sympathetic Roman, slight self-harm thoughts, self-esteem issues, mean internal monologue.

Ship(s): Abusive Moxiety, platonic/romantic Prinxiety (you decide).

Characters: Virgil, Roman, Patton

2316 words

Prompt: Could you write roman comforting Virgil after Virgil was noncon'd by someone (idk if that makes sense, I love your writing)

Requested by Anonymous link

A/N: Anon, I didn't know if you wanted Virgil and the other character (in this case Patton) to already be in a relationship so I just made it that way, I hope that's what you wanted! If anyone wants me to write out the actual scene that happened before this took place I'm totally down to do it! I might do it anyway, but if you want to request something(s) that will happen in that one shot let me know! :)

-  8/11/21

Virgil stared at the ceiling, brain foggy and tears running down his face. His body was still, laying in the position it was left in, naked. The door to his room clicked as it was closed, causing Virgil to flinch. Every noise he heard was too much and too loud. He was alone in his room, happy that Patton left but devastated that he was left alone to deal with the issue himself.

Curling into a ball on his side he cried into his pillow, his sobs silent from practice. Virgil felt gross and icky. Like there was something on him but he couldn't get it off. His skin was crawling and he wanted to hurt himself. He deserved it. He was disgusted with himself. He was tainted. Ruined. And it was all his fault.

"God, you're so weak, you couldn't even stand up for yourself,"  The cruel voice in his head taunted, Virgil's shoulders hitching as his cries increased. "You let him use you like the toy you are. Hell, he might even do it again with how obedient you were."

'Shut up!' Virgil screamed internally at the voice in his head.

"Oh, wow. Such a great comeback. You liked it and you knew it. With all the moaning and shit. Do you want him to do it again? Just beg like you were when you wanted him to stop so bad, then maybe he'll listen. Instead this time he'll shut you up with his dick instead of a gag."

Virgil couldn't help but let out a sob into his pillow, curling his arms around himself tighter. Did he actually like it? Is he just faking this? Why would he moan if he wasn't enjoying it? 'I didn't want it,' he reminded himself but still not quite believing it.

'I wish I had a stuffed animal or something to hold. I wish someone would hold me. I wish Patton would hold me.' Virgil just cried louder at the loss of trust he had in Patton.'Why did he have to do that to me?! Why did that have to happen?! Why didn't he stop?! What did I do wrong?! WHY DIDN'T I WANT IT?!'

He hugged his pillow tighter, curling his body around it and burying his face. That only reminded him of how naked he was, too disgusted to even look at himself. Virgil's body was too weak to move.

"Go bother someone else, maybe they'll fuck you too."

'Maybe I will.'

"NO! Don't do that! You'll only seem needy and helpless."

'No, I won't. He cares about me and will understand when I explain what happened.'

"But what if he doesn't?!"

Virgil's brain continued to argue with itself, losing himself to the thoughts. His crying died down, eyebrows furrowed in thought.

He gave himself a few minutes to compose himself before getting up off his bed. Virgil was careful, still sore and weak.

Picking up his clothes on the floor on the way over he limped to his bathroom, only taking ten minutes to do so. He closed the bathroom door shut, triple checking that it was locked and that he was truly alone.

Virgil couldn't avoid the large mirror that hung on the wall above his vanity. Tears welled up in his eyes as he stared at the disgustingly naked body that was his own, his eyes refusing to look away.

Only after his vision became blurry with tears could he tear his eyes away, breaking down once more.

Turning his body he carefully sunk to the floor, propping his elbows on his knees and letting his head fall into his hands.

Virgil felt another anxiety attack building up and let it consume him. His breathing became erratic and his body shook, unable to control the sobs that tore from his lungs.

Once Virgil's shaking and crying slowed to a stop he began to breathe. He ignored the argument occurring in his head, running his hands through his hair and wining his snotty nose on a towel lying on the floor.

Carefully, Virgil pulled himself from the floor and stumbled to his clothes. Virgil cautiously stepped into his boxers, sitting down on the closed toilet seat afterward for support. He then pulled on sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt, covering his body.

He ignored the mirror on his way out, not caring about how red his eyes were or the smudged eyeshadow streaming down his cheeks.

Virgil trudged to his door and turned the handle as quietly as he could. He closed the door behind him and padded down the carpeted hall to Roman's room, standing in front of his door.

Anxiety started to build up in his chest again, panic shooting through his brain as he had second thoughts about his plan.

"What if he doesn't care? What if he laughs? What if he tells you to go away? What if he tells everyone? What if he just wants to do the same thing to you?!"

Virgil shook his head, a few stray tears going with it. He ran a hand through his hair again, going through a breathing exercise.

'In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Repeat.' After Virgil had repeated that process a few times he took a deep breath in, let it out, and opened his eyes again.

He brought a hand up to the door and knocked twice as quietly as he could without waking the others up but still announcing his presence to Roman. His heart pounded in his chest as he anxiously waited for any response from Roman.

"Virgil?"

Virgil's eyes shot up to meet Roman's, tears spilling out.

"Shh, come here," Roman went to wrap an arm around Virgil but abruptly stopped when he flinched backward. "What happened?"

Virgil's only response was to fling himself at Roman, hugging the stronger man like it was his last time ever seeing him.

"It might be after he finds out."

'Shut. Up.'

Roman immediately hugged the anxious boy back, pulling him into the room and closing the door. "Would you like to sit on my bed? We can cuddle if you want."

Virgil nodded his head, not trusting himself to be able to talk with all of his crying. Roman then guided both of them towards his bed, helping Virgil sit.

Once Roman sat down, Virgil flung himself at him, crying harder into his shoulder.

"Whatever dare hurt you my dark shadowling, will get the wonderful gift of my sword run through them by yours truly!" Roman exclaimed dramatically.

Virgil chuckled, a small smile forming on his face from Roman's drama. Roman's eyes lit up a little at that, glad he could help Virgil even if he only smiled a little.

"Now tell me, dear," Roman lent forward, hugging Virgil tighter, "who made my chemically imbalanced romance cry and will soon be faced with my sword?"

Virgil pulled back so Roman could see his face. Thoughts ran through his head.

Should I tell him? If I do, what do I even say? What will he think? What will happen? What if Roman tells Patton? How will he react if he finds out?

With Virgil's mind still racing he opened his mouth slightly but closed it soon after, his brows furrowing. He opened it slightly again, trying to force words out of his throat, but they got caught once more.

His brain felt like a hamster running in a ball, never-ending. His head was too loud, he couldn't focus on one thought without being interrupted by another.

Roman seemed to notice this, slowly and carefully placing a delicate hand on Virgil's shoulder. Virgil flinched, but being startled seemed to drag him out of the mosh pit that was his mind.

"It's okay," Roman softly spoke, "You can tell me whatever is on your mind. It is my duty as Prince Roman to help you in any way possible. I will not judge, as a noble prince does not."

Virgil seemed to think while Roman paused, repeating Roman's words over and over again in his head. Everything was cloudy and after a few minutes, he finally seemed to process the words.

Roman waited, only continuing once Virgil looked back into his eyes, silently telling him to keep talking. "Of course, you do not have to tell me anything if you do not please to do so; I am not pressuring you into anything. I simply want to help my dark prince because I mourn every time I see a tear roll down your beautiful face."

If Roman's lights weren't dim, Virgil was sure he could see the blush spread across his cheeks, his face bright pink and hot. The way Roman spoke to him made him feel safe and secure, just like when Roman would hold him.

Virgil looked back into Roman's eyes, silently asking to be held, comforted, touched, or anything. His crying had calmed down, only a few lonely tears resting on his cheeks that would dry soon.

With Roman knowing Virgil for so long and becoming so close to him, he could read Virgil like a book. He slowly brought his arms up, letting Virgil take the lead. Virgil saw what Roman was doing and wrapped his arms around the middle of his torso, Roman embracing him in a hug.

"Patt," was all Virgil said, barely above a whisper and muffled by the fabric of Roman's red shirt. Roman took a moment to understand, confused about what Virgil said.

Roman rested his cheek in Virgil's soft brown hair and asked, "Patton? What about him?"

Virgil was silent for a few minutes. What do I say? How do I tell him?

A few more minutes passed before Virgil mustered up the courage to talk. "He... did something."

Roman was silent, giving Virgil the time he needed. Lifting his head a little, he started to play with Virgil's hair and scratched his skull the way he loved.

"To me."

Silence.

There was tension in the air. Roman froze his actions. Virgil's heart pounded harder than it had been, and he was sure it was going to beat out of his chest.

Roman couldn't believe what he'd heard. "Virgil... what do you mean he did something to you?"

Virgil could barely hear the words Roman was saying over the blood rushing in his ears and his own quickened breath. He could feel himself start to hyperventilate, eyes becoming blurry with tears.

With two of his senses gone he started to panic more. Suddenly, he felt hands on him and flinched his whole body away, his mind traveling back to only an hour before.

Roman immediately removed his hands, becoming more and more suspicious of Virgil's reactions. He had his own guesses, but threw them out the window in his mind, hoping that they weren't true.

Virgil's own mind was racing and screaming and shouting and NOT SHUTTING UP. He tried to bring his hands up to his head to knock the voices away, but it just brought back another flashback. His sobbing increased, hands desperately and blindly grabbing for something.

His hands landed on Roman's shirt, fingers curling into fists in the fabric. It was grounding and once Roman realized he started to slow his own breathing, making it as obnoxious as possible. Virgil could hear it and vacantly remembered what it meant, not quite grasping the meaning but following along with his instincts. Virgil started to slow his own breathing to match the other that he could hear.

After a few minutes, Virgil mastered the practice and was breathing at the same pace Roman was. Virgil's brain had cleared and he had been able to see the strong man in front of him, so he leaned forward and nuzzled his face into Roman's chest.

"May I hold you?" It was barely above a whisper, Roman not wanting to startle the weakened man. After a nod he wrapped his warm arms around the other, embracing him in a hug.

Time passed, which Roman was much too busy comforting Virgil to keep track of, before either one spoke a word.

"I will always protect you, my dark angel." Virgil sniffled, raising his head to meet Roman's gaze. His eyes were red and puffy, cheeks shiny in the dim lighting, hair messy. Roman thought he looked beautiful.

And then Virgil smiled, his gorgeous smile, and Roman thought the sight was even more beautiful. "You're a dork." Virgil rasped out, edgy as ever.

Roman chuckled, smiling down at Virgil, causing Virgil to duck his head because he too was smiling. "You always seem to lighten the mood no matter the situation, my dear."

Virgil lifted his head again, mouth slightly agape and eyebrows furrowed. "Th-thats... I wasn't trying to-" Virgil muttered, the rest of his sentence unheard due to him ducking his head once more.

Roman held in another chuckle, only squeezing Virgil tighter and placing a light kiss on the top of his hair.

They stayed like that for god knows how long, bathing in each other's presence. Roman would stay there forever if requested to, happiest when comforting and spending time with Virgil.

"I'm tired," Virgil mumbled, only stating his point more when he yawned not only seconds later. Virgil's eyes were heavy, brain foggy, body tired and sore, but content in Roman's hold.

"Alright, shadowling, let's get to bed. Would you like to sleep in here?" Virgil sleepily nodded his head, pressing into Roman's chest more, not wanting to move anytime soon.

Roman smiled as he lifted the emo into his arms and tucked him into bed, climbing in after him. Virgil was attached to him in seconds, like they were both magnets, and was asleep minutes later.

Roman decided that he would find out more when Virgil was ready, but until then he would support Virgil and protect him even if his own life depended on it.

Hey, look who isn't dead! Schools starting soon so updates are gonna be very slow.

[wisdomrays]

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Was Muhammad's Mission Limited and Temporary?

All of the available information and resources, including his life, shows that his mission was universal and eternal.

Such men as Alexander the "Great," the Roman Caesars, Napoleon, Hitler, and the imperialists of Europe, Russia, and America all sought extensive dominion for the sake of worldly power and authority. But when Prophet Muhammad ordered his followers to spread Islam all over the world, his aim was to remove the obstacles preventing human happiness in this world and the next, to prevent them from going to Hell, and to enable them to regain their lost values and inherent purity. As the final Messenger, always under His Guidance and Command, his life was a struggle to spread the light of Islam as far as possible so that others might hear the Divine Message. Certainly he succeeded.

Let's go over some points that demonstrate his mission's universality:

• While still in Makka, he sent some Muslims to Abyssinia. Through the efforts of those believers, many Abyssinians had the chance to know and embrace Islam. While this migration was undertaken to escape intense persecution at home, it also caused the king Negus and other Abyssinian nobles to convert to Islam. This was one of the first proofs of universality.

• Among the early Muslims were Bilal (from Abyssinia), Suhayb (from Rum [Byzantium]), Salman (from Persia), and others. Although they were from different nations and races, they were in the first rank of Muslims. Furthermore, the fact that such people and many more non-Arabs were given higher ranks and esteem than many Arabs shows that Islam, from the beginning, had a universal perspective.

• Long before the conquest of Iraq and Persia, the Prophet told Suraqa that one day he would wear the bracelets of Chosroes, son of Ormuz, Emperor of Persia. This indicates that the Prophet knew that Islam would be carried to Iraq and Persia, and implies that it had to be carried there. It happened just as the Prophet predicted.

• While resting in the house of Umm Haram bint Milhan (his paternal aunt and wife of 'Ubada ibn Samit), the Prophet slept for a short while. When he awoke, he said smilingly: My community has been shown to me. I saw it waging war on the seas like kings sitting on thrones." Forty years later, Umm Haram accompanied 'Ubada on the conquest of Cyprus. She died and was buried there, where her grave can still be seen. As before, it was an indication from the Prophet that his Companions would, and must, carry the Divine Message overseas.

• Once the Prophet told his Companions: "Egypt will be conquered after my death. Be kind and benevolent to its people. Deal with them gently, for there is kinship and duty between you and them." So he informed them that Islam would reach Egypt during their lifetimes, and asked them to preserve the kinship established by his marriage to Mary, the Egyptian Copt.

• Before the Battle of Khandaq, while he was digging the ditch, the Prophet foretold the conquest of Hira, the fall of the columns of Chosroes' palace (the Persian Empire), and the capture of Damascus. It happened as he foretold.

Many Prophetic traditions and Qur'anic verses also state clearly that his Prophethood was for all nations and all times. Among them are the following:

• In one hadith, the Prophet says: "Each Messenger was sent to his own nation. I was sent to humanity." In another tradition, it is narrated as "to blacks and whites." Confirming this, al-Tabari narrates a different hadith: "I was sent to all both as a mercy and a Prophet. Complete my mission. May God's mercy be on you."

• When Chosroes' envoy visited him, the Prophet said to him: "In the near future, my religion and its sovereignty will reach Chosroes' throne."

• Centuries before the conquest of Anatolia and Constantinople (now Istanbul), he foretold that Muslim armies would reach Europe and that Constantinople would be conquered. Many attempts were made to realize this and be blessed, for, in the words of the Prophet: "Constantinople will be conquered. Blessed is the commander who will conquer it, and blessed are his troops." Since that city was a symbol of a large dominion, the Prophet was directing his community to carry Islam worldwide.

The Qur'anic verses related to the Prophet's mission are all self-explanatory. They say unmistakably that the Divine Revelation, through the Prophet, was meant for all humanity. Muhammad was commissioned to warn both humanity and jinn. For instance:

This is no less than a message to (all) the worlds (38:87).

This is but a warning; an eloquent Qur'an to admonish the living and to pass judgment on the unbelievers (36:70).

We have sent you to all humanity, giving them glad tidings and warning them, but most people understand not (34:28).

Say: "O People! I am sent unto you all, as the Messenger, to whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the Earth. (7:158)

The Qur'an expressly tells us that former Prophets were sent to their particular community or nation, and draws our attention to the difference between them and Prophet Muhammad. For instance:

We sent Noah to his people. He said: "O my people! Worship God! You have no other God but Him." (7:59

To the 'Ad, We sent Hud, one of their own brethren. He said: "O my people! Worship God! You have no other god but Him." (7:65)

To the Thamud, We sent Salih, one of their own brethren. He said: "O my people! Worship God! You have no other god but Him." (7:73)

We also sent Lut; He said to his people. (7:80)

To the people of Madyan We sent Shu'ayb, one of their own brethren. (7:85)

Moreover, with almost every mention of these Prophets, the Qur'an states that they were raised from among their own brethren and sent to their own nation. Thus, there is no ambiguity over who was a Prophet for his own nation and who was the one for humanity.

Since the first revelation, the Prophet has been heard and respected almost everywhere. His teachings, which have established a way of life for peoples as far apart as China and Morocco, have touched the hearts of countless people in every part of the world. They have been—and remain—the most enduring model for a balanced, civilized life, and have led to human development in every field.

Despite the most vicious and sustained oppression of Muslims, the vandalizing of their culture, the misrepresentation of their values and history, Islam's principles and ideals remain fresh and vivid in the hearts of the great majority of Muslims. Indeed, true Muslims are respected, and even many non-Muslims agree that our problems can be resolved only by applying those principles. Islam's sheer endurance, through the conquest and defeat of its followers as well as among so many different peoples and languages, cultures, and climates, proves that Prophet Muhammad's mission is for all people and eternal.

[mtherhino]

One side, Two lives

Chapter nine

Nothing but a bad memory

First Previous Next

Warnings: swearing and eating disorder

Roman had woken up feeling awful and tired. He looked over at his clock and saw that it was three am. He had went to sleep at midnight.

Get up already you piece of shit. Roman sighed heavily. The voice practically never left him alone at this point.

           Roman was a pretty tolerant person. He put up with a lot even though he didn’t think he it. So the fact that he was actually annoyed and angry at this voice spoke volumes.

You know you’re a real fucking jackass sometime. Roman said as he got out of bed and headed towards his closet.

Well theres no way I could be worse than you, though that isn’t a very high bar is it? Roman paused as he was grabbing his jacket, not being able to say anything in response.

No witty retort for that huh? That’s because you know its true.

“Shut up” Roman growled to the darkness. This had become an unpleasant routine for the light side. Wake up, be insulted, pretend to eat, work on projects, workout till he felt like he might break, and then work on his projects again until he passes out. Then repeat the next day.

           Roman took a deep breath to calm himself down, he knew listening to voice wasn’t helpful for others so he tried his best not to listen. Though it did get hard when he agreed with it.

Enough talking, since I’m up early I might as well get things done. Roman though as he finished getting ready for the day and went over to his desk. He already had the next three videos planed out and scripted so he didn’t have much assigned work to do. Never the less he still pulled out his laptop and started typing out ideas that could work.  

           * time skip

Roman sighed and leaned back in his chair. He just finished writing out the next video, all he had to do now is finish putting the script together. He got up to stretch and checked the time. He was a bit surprise to see it was already nine am.

“Shit, I didn’t think it would take me that long.” The prince cursed to himself.

This is why you have to wake up early. Sleeping is a waste of time since you clearly don’t have the skill it takes to get your work done like a normal person. The voice said inside his head.

“Ya I guess you have a point.” Roman said as he brushed some of the stray hairs out of his face. His stomach growled which kinda surprised him. Geez how long has it been since I last ate? Roman tried to think and realize he hadn’t eaten in three days. Well shit, guess I have to eat today.

Technically you don’t have too. The voice said in a cruel tone. Roman rolled his eyes. I don’t want to but if I don’t I’ll pass out and I need to finish this script. The voice grumbled and that was as close as it ever came to agreeing with Roman.  

           The creative side walked out of his room and down the stairs. He didn’t hear anyone else up so he didn’t bother to shape shift yet. He walked into the still dark kitchen and went to grab an apple from a boll on the counter. Kinda odd that Patton isn’t up yet. Maybe he’s taking a second chill day or something. Roman thought to himself.

           He looked down at the apple in his hand and his face twisted in disgust. The idea of eating, it was just, not fun. It’s hard to explain. He felt like he was going to eat poison instead of normal food. Like eating would cause him some sort of disease. It’s just an apple, come on Roman. The creative side took a bite of the apple and chewed. Dammit why must this be so hard.

The prince somehow finished the apple and threw away the pit. He went back to his room and went over to his mirror. He had been rather cautious with going into the imagination ever since the voice had come back. It always got so much louder there that Roman had a hard time remembering that the voice was in his mind and not a person talking right next to him. Roman shook his head and walked through the door. Today the imagination was a bit cloudier but the prince simply smiled at the dark clouds. Unlike most he never saw rain as a bad thing like most people did. To him the rain was calm and beautiful, something that kept the plants and animals alive.

The prince started off towards a shoreline he and his brother had made when they where younger. Right next to the water sat a large cliff and today Roman’s goal was to climb it. It made for a good workout and the danger of it all was just fun to the princely character. Once he finishes his short jog the shore he looked up at the might mountain cliff. It was hard to quite see the top from his point of view and it made the creative side smile at the challenge.

           The adventurer started his climb, summoning some gloves and sneakers to make it ever so slightly easier. He was already in a more adventuresome outfit, jeans and an old shirt and jacket, but he had a certain pair of sneakers that where specifically for this. He started his way up (not using a rope but meh, who needs them) and was making decent time, especially considering his lack of sleep and food recently.

When he was half way up he looked out at the view before him. The early morning sun was shining through the clouds and onto the water making it sparkle, the wind carrying the smell of the sea. Roman smiled, he used to come here a lot when he and his brother where younger, it was one of the first places they had made.

 The memories where nice until they reach a certain point. Roman grimaced slightly, he didn’t like to think back to what happened, but the voice had brought those thoughts back to the fore front of his mind. He’s just a voice now, calm down. Roman told himself and tried to refocus on his task at hand.

Keep telling yourself that. The voice said, nearly making the prince loose his grip. He had been so lost in thought that he forgot the voice could hear everything he was thinking.

           Shut up. You’re nothing but a bad memory at this point, you have no power over me. Roman practically growled in his mind as he started to climb faster.

Do you really think that? Roman didn’t respond but kept climbing. Because he wasn’t sure. Ever since the voice had re appeared the red side had felt a feeling of dread. He didn’t like to think about the feeling too much, summing it up the feeling to unpleasant memories coming back. He shook his head and looked up, he was getting close to the top of the cliff at this point which put a small bit of ease into the prince’s mind.

           Roman was pretty tired when he finally pulled himself up to the top of the cliff. Not eating enough was starting to catch up to him and the thought made said side scowl. He sat up a little and looked around. The top of the cliff was covered in green grass that swayed in the wind and the tree line was only a few meters away. In total in was a rather lovely and calm place to be.

Maybe one of these days I’ll take Virgil here, I bet he would love the fireflies that come out at night.Roman smiled a bit at that thought, and looked up at the slightly stormy clouds. It looked like it would rain any minute and the creative side was glad he had finished his climb before that happened.

            He laid down on his back and tried to catch his breath, he was more tired than he thoughts he would be. As he looked behind him he saw a mountain in the distance and looked away. He absolutely hated that place even though he was the one who made it. That was the last place he had seen- just before he could finish the that thought a drop of rain fell on his nose.

A light rain started so the prince decided it was time to head back. He walked back to his door that was part of an ancient looking tree that was on the edge of the meadow. The entire way there the voice chastised the red side about being tired and not being strong enough. By the time Roman was back in his room his self esteem was extremely low. He changed into a pair of jeans and a comfy T-shirt and threw his now soaked outfit into a corner.

He wanted to throw himself onto his bed however sadly he knew he had work to do; but first he had to change his bandages.

His ribs were pretty much healed at this point so Roman hadn’t seen a problem with doing a bit of adventuring. He saw that it was 12 at this point and it felt like his day was dragging on forever. The prince sighed and went over to look at the work on his desk. The video he was working on was pretty simple, just Thomas having fun with his friends doing a few different challenges that have to do with musicals. He figured that he could give himself a little break and went to go get water for him and Alexander. He was certain that the others would be up at this point so he shapeshifter just a bit and made his clothes look a little bit nicer.

Man I’m using up a lot of energy today with summoning. Roman thought as he sighed and fixed his hair just a bit. He straitened his posture and strolled into the room unsurprised to see Logan writing something down at the table.

“Hey specks, what do you think of todays fine morning?” The princely character said with a faked smile. He grabbed two glasses of water and went to sit at the table. The logical side responded without even looking up from his work.

“Not bad, I was able to finish up my work pretty early so I decided to start on some of my own projects.”  A small smile was on the logical side’s face which made the prince curios. So he stood up and looked at the notebook in hand and saw a familiar creature drawn onto the page.

“How do you know about zip lions?” The creative side asked, clear confusion written on his face. Logan finally looked up.

“A zip lion?”  Roman nodded

“That’s what your drawing isn’t it? That’s clearly a drawing of Suzan, only her main looks like that.” Roman said tapping the part of the drawing that had a very fluffy main.

“So that’s what they’re  called.” Logan said looking back at his drawing. “Suzan was very nice by the way.” Roman went to go sit back in his chair.

“Yah but how do you even know her?” The logical side shrugged.

“Remus took me to the imagination yesterday.” Romans eyes went wide and he could never let up the opportunity to tease people.

“Wow didn’t know you and Remus went on a date.” Roman said with a smirk. Logan’s face turned bright red as he looked up from his notebook. He struggled to find anything to say. It was pretty funny to watch, the same Logan who almost always had something to say was speechless and that was quite the accomplishment in Roman’s book.

“Calm down I was just messing with you.” Roman said. He liked messing with his friends but he didn’t want to ruin Remus’s chances with the nerd. Logan re adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.

“Well it most certainly wasn’t a date but it was nice. Your brother is quite the interesting person Roman.” Logan said with a soft smile. Roman smiled. He definitely has a crush on Remus. Of course instead of saying that the prince faked gaged.

“Hearing complements about my brother is killing me.” Logan rolled his eyes. The prince got up and stretched, though it did hurt his side a bit.

“Well, I have script to finish. Bye specks.” Logan nodded to him and Roman went back to his room. He gave the water to Alexander and the fly trap gave a sound similar to purring. The creative side smiled and petted the plant’s head a few times before going over to his desk. He finished up his work relatively quickly and putt his materials away. He didn’t have much else to do so he decided that he would just watch some Disney shows.

           After selecting Gravity Falls the creative side jumped into his bed and wrapped himself in a blanket. Since the day had been rather stressful he decided that he would try to relax before Patton called them all to get dinner. As the prince fell asleep the voice started to think. He absolutely hated Roman but he needed him for the mean time to make his plan work. Just you wait Roman, one day, you’ll be the one that’s nothing but a bad memory.

That took a while to write. Anyways I hope you’re all thoroughly worried for the future. It’s a lot of fun to make scenes creepy and stuff. Well, that all for now humans, have a good day, bye!

Tag list:

@lovelivingmydreams

[noblest-roman-of-all]

silence

day 7! if theres any major errors, sorry i might have a minor concussion cause im a dumbass. heres some cute analogical for you!

parirings: virgil/logan

tw: anxiety attacks, poor self esteem and negative self talk

Virgil has a tendency to blow things out of proportion. He knows he does, his therapist has talked to him about cognitive distortions and all the ways that it can mess with his perception of the world and the things happening to him. 

With that in mind, Virgil is still pretty sure this is the worst day of his life. 

The worst part of it all is that there wasn’t any particular thing that happened, no great catastrophe. Just a series of small, kinda shitty things that snowballed into him curled up on the floor in a dusty corner of the library, shaking and gasping and entirely unable to move. He’d had panic attacks before, but they were almost never this bad, especially since he’d started going to Dr. Picani, and the thought that he’d somehow failed, that Picani would be disappointed, sends him spiralling even deeper. 

He hears footsteps approaching, and his breath hitches again. Shit, he thought he was the only one in the section of the library, now there was somebody who might find him, who might see him like this. He hears whoever it was take a few steps forward, and then- 

“Hello?” And of course, because this is the worst day of Virgil’s shitty life, it was Logan Baker, the unfairly brilliant, stupidly attractive sophomore who was in Virgil’s English 112 class, and who almost definitely hated him. Who was now standing in front of Virgil, having a complete breakdown, looking like an utter idiot, and if he didn’t dislike Virgil before he absolutely would now, seeing him in a state like this in public, why was he such a fucking mess that he couldn’t manage to get somewhere private so no one would have to see him like this-

Virgil’s spiralling thoughts come to a screeching halt when he notices that Logan has not turned and quickly walked in the other direction, or pulled out his phone to make fun of Virgil to his friends, but has instead sat down, leaning against the opposite bookshelf so he is facing Virgil, but still a few feet away. He looks Virgil over with a keen eye, but not critical. It doesn’t help Virgil, necessarily, but it… doesn’t add to his panic. Which is good. 

“I assume asking if you are ‘okay’ is a bit redundant,” Logan says. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” 

Virgil… really wasn’t expecting that. He opens his mouth to respond, but all he can manage is a quiet croak. He hides his head back in his knees, wanting the floor to just swallow him whole at this point. Logan doesn’t laugh though, just lets out a thoughtful hum. 

“Can you speak? It’s alright if you can’t,” he says plainly. Virgil shakes his head slightly, glad he’s not being pushed to speak when apparently, his body is refusing to do so. Logan lets out that same hum again. Then, after a moment of quiet, he speaks up again. 

“Would it help you if I spoke?” The question is quiet, almost timid in a way Virgil had never heard him sound. “I’ve been made aware I have a… soothing voice, although I wouldn’t think to call it that myself,” he says in a tone that if it came from anyone else, Virgil would call it sheepish. Virgil nods quickly. 

“I assume that nod means it’s okay for me to speak,” Logan says, a huff of laughter in his tone. Virgil smiles into his arms and nods again. 

“I’m aware that for some people, being left alone is preferable, but many people find comfort in hearing another person’s voice. It allows the mind something to focus on, I suppose, to prevent from spiralling.” There’s a pause, and then Logan continues, a bit quieter. “I know it helps me.”

Virgil looks up at that, making a small, curious sound. Logan smiles, soft and unsurprised. 

“I know people don’t expect it of me, but I’m not neurotypical. I have ADHD, and oftentimes I get overwhelmed. I’ve found it’s helpful to hear someone else’s voice, to have something to latch on to,” Logan explains calmly. Virgil sits on the thought for a moment, and then nods. It makes sense to him. When Logan doesn’t say anything else, he makes a gesture with his hand, trying to indicate ‘keep going’. It seems to work, because Logan picks right up again easily. 

“I’m not great with these-these emotional things.” The way he spits out the word emotional makes that clear enough. Virgil lets out a sound that isn’t quite a laugh, but is closer to happy than any other sound he’d made recently. Logan’s lip quirks up in a semblance of a smile. 

“My roommate, Patton, he’s better at all of this than I am. I understand it from an intellectual perspective, but I admit that I struggle actually applying it.” Logan stays there, sitting on the hard ground of the library, talking to Virgil, for about an hour. He talks about his roommate Patton, who’s an early education major, and his friend Roman, a theater and performance major. He talks about the classes he’s taking for his major, astronomy. He talks about professors he loves, ones he hates. He talks about the little burger place near campus Patton drags him to every Friday so they can do karaoke, and how as much as he pretends to hate it, he secretly loves it. He talks, and for the first time Virgil gets to see someone other than Logan Baker, mildly intimidating straight A student. He gets to see Logan, who’s admittedly a bit of a dork and cares about his friends more than he would ever admit.

Eventually, Virgil manages to unfurl himself, his breathing relatively even and his mind no longer filled with swirling, hurtful words. Logan stutters to a stop when he realizes Virgil is now sitting up straight, actively listening now. 

“I, um, see you’re feeling better. I apologize for revealing so much personal information, it’s just-” Logan stops when Virgil chuckles. 

“It’s alright, dude. I, uh, actually enjoyed it,” Virgil admits with a flush. Logan looks equally flustered, and moves to stand up. 

“Well, seeing that you’re in a better state now, I’ll be on my way. Have a good afternoon, Virgil.” With that, he makes to hurry off. Virgil lurches up and grabs his wrist before he can go. 

“I… never told you my name. How did you…” Virgil trails off. Logan actually manages to look more flustered. 

“I, well, we share an English course, and I… appreciate your input. It’s interesting, and it makes me think,” Logan mutters. Virgil breaks into a smile at that, and pushes himself up as quickly as he dares. 

“Well, I’ve been down there for about 2 hours now. I really need to stretch my legs, and probably get something to eat,” Virgil says. Logan nods and starts to turn away. 

“Of course, I don’t mean to interrupt your plans.” Virgil grabs Logan again, his shoulder this time, and Logan turns on his heel. 

“Well, I was thinking. You said that burger place isn’t too far from campus, right?” Virgil asks. Logan gives him an odd look, and Virgil sighs. “I’m trying to ask you to get lunch with me, dork.” Logan lets out a shocked laugh. 

“As much as I appreciated the silence from earlier, I think I much prefer you like this,” Logan admits. He gestures for Virgil to walk alongside him as they walk off. 

Alright. Maybe this isn’t the worst day of Virgil’s life. Maybe, it’s actually the best. 

[beauty-and-passion]

Heya!

So I remember reading your post about Eurovision a while ago, and since I'm now hooked on a certain collection of songs, I was thinking...

Would you think 'Zitti E Buoni' by Måneskin could be a Remus song, and 'Voilà' by Barbara Pravi a Roman song? Or do you have some ideas on any other Eurovision songs that would fit the Sides?

Just wondering whether you'd like to share some thoughts on this, but no pressure of course! As always, I absolutely love your theories and posts, it always brightens up my day to read :D

This will be a very self indulgent post.

First of all: “no pressure”?! I am HYPED to share my thoughts on this! And this is why it took me so long to reply to this ask: I’ve spent the whole time thinking about which song could fit which Side, going through the last editions, reading the lyrics, searching among my favourites...

So yes, this post will be a bit long. But hey, there is also good music and maybe, by listening to it, you will find something you haven’t heard before! :D

(Of course, in order to make this post understandable, I will translate all lyrics, but the songs aren’t all in English. In any case, every song has a link, so you can hear it on Youtube.)

And yes, I know there are billions of other Eurovision songs, but for the sake of “not making this post endless” (as if it won’t be already), I will stop at Eurovision 2014. If you all have other songs to propose for a Side, please feel free to add them and explain why! :D

And now...

Which Eurovision songs would fit the Sides

_____________________________

EUROVISION 2021

Måneskin - Zitti e buoni

(Here the Eurovision performance because it’s just this good)

This song is PERFECT for Remus and I was a fool for not realizing it sooner. It's all about showing how different you are, embracing your uniqueness despite what others may think. Everything about this song screams “REMUS” so thank you, my dear, for opening my eyes and making me realize it.

They don't know what I'm talking about You are dirty, bruh, of mud Cig's yellow in between the fingers I'm walking with a cig Pardon me, but I really do believe That I can make this jump And even if the street is uphill I'm training for this now

The first line is already 200% Remus: they (aka the other Sides) don’t know what Remus is talking about. Remus is impossible to understand. Remus is weird, strange, dangerous - according to moral standards.

However, despite the other people’s thoughts, Remus still shows a high self-esteem - just like in his playlist. The others may not have faith in him, there could be obstacles on his way, but he still believes he will achieve his goals.

And good evening, ladies and gentlemen Bring out the actors You better hold on to your balls You better keep quiet and be good Here people are weird, like drug dealers Too many nights I've spent locked outside Now I'm kicking these doorways Staring up like climbers So sorry mum if I'm always out, but

“You better hold on to your balls” is a translation of the original italian line “Vi conviene toccarvi i coglioni”. This sentence is a more vulgar form of the English expression “knocking on wood”, something you preventively do to un-jinx stuff.

However, “knocking on wood” isn’t as strong as the italian expression, so I chose this translation that is more literal, but also more vulgar. It kept the original vibe more, it fits Remus more and it gives a stronger meaning to the whole thing. The singer isn’t just saying “beware of what you’re doing”, but he’s saying “get ready, shit if about to hit the fan”. It’s more powerful - and well, Remus would love this. It’s his time now, so the audience (the other Sides/Thomas) should "keep quiet and be good”.

I also really like the “Here people are weird, like drug dealers”, because it can refer to the dark sides in general. This is Remus’ show, so the Core Sides and Thomas should shut up. They are now in the Dark Sides’ territory, full of weird, sketchy people, morally gray villains. All things he loves, enjoys and that he definitely considers as compliments. 

“Too many nights I've spent locked outside / Now I'm kicking these doorways” is another great line, because “being locked outside” is the perfect metaphor for Remus’ situation. He IS locked outside, he has been kept far away from Thomas, stifled by him, unable to fully express himself. And so he releases his frustration by kicking the doors that are shutting him down. That’s just so Remus I. LOVE. IT.

I am out of my mind, but I'm not like the others And you are out of your mind, but you're not like the others We are out of our minds, but we're not like the others We are out of our minds, but we're not like the others

This chorus is PERFECT! First of all: “I am out of my mind” is basically just like this line from DWIT:

[Patton]: Imaginative sure is a- a kind word for him. [Duke]: I agree! How about... DEMENTED?

But also: Remus doesn’t give a damn. He’s not like the others and he’s SO DAMN PROUD of it. Just like he is in canon and in his playlist.

He goes even further, by saying that “you” are also out of your mind. And who this “you” might be, if not the big man himself?

[Duke]: If I am awful... then so is Thomas.

Just like in DWIT, Remus welcomes Thomas’ weirdness with open arms. If he and Thomas are both insane and different, why hiding it and not embracing this difference? They are unique.

I've written pages and pages I've seen salt, then tears These men in cars Don't climb the rapids I've written on a tombstone "In my house there's no God" But if you find time's meaning You'll climb back up from your oblivion And there's no wind stopping The natural power From the right point of view You feel the intoxication of the wind With wax wings on your back I'll go look for that high If you wanna stop me try again Try cutting my head off Because

Woah, this part has a lot. There is:

Remus' creativity as a flow ("I've written pages and pages")

Remus seeing how different he is compared to others ("These men in cars / Don't climb the rapids" while he was ready to “make this jump” despite the obstacles on his way)

Religion because of course - and especially Remus rejecting it ("I've written on a tombstone / "In my house there's no God".")

And, most importantly, there is a nice reference to Icarus' myth. According to myth, Icarus escaped from the Labyrinth of the Minotaur, by flying on wax wings. But he flew too close to the sun, his wings melted and he fell to his death.

This has multiple meanings. First of all, it shows how stubborn Remus is: he could use simpler, more stable ways to reach his goals. But he's Remus, he's creative and he's different, he would rather use wax wings (aka more complex, unordinary means) to reach his goal. Also, it's a proof of his resolution: just like Icarus, his wax wings could melt and he could fail. And yet, he's so set in his decision, he's ready to do anything to succeed.

This last point is particularly evident in the following lines: "If you wanna stop me try again / Try cutting my head off". It's impossible to stop him, just like it was impossible to send him away or stop him from talking in canon.

Everything in this song is just HIM.

Unfortunately people talk They talk, they don't know what they talk about Bring me where I float Cause I lack air here

Once again, the people are the Core Sides: they talk about how he's evil and dangerous and useless. But they don't know what they're talking about. They're (metaphorically) suffocating him with their prejudices, that's why he asks "bring me where I float": he wants to express himself freely, to escape these biases.

Also: water. And with the whole octopus as his animal, it’s just even more fitting.

Moral of the story: this song is perfect for him, Remus should know Italian just to sing it - and he would love the glam rock style of Maneskin as well.

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Barbara Pravi - Voilà

I don’t know how you did it, dear, but these two songs are PERFECT. Zitti e buoni is perfectly Remus, Voilà is perfectly Roman. I feel blessed.

Listen to me, me, the half singer Talk about me, to your loved ones, to your friends Tell them about this little girl with black eyes and crazy dreams What I want is to write stories that you will hear about That's all

Roman, is that you? Because this is you. This is ALL you.

Roman is a "half singer": he cannot sing like he want, he cannot express himself in full. He has rules, laws, morals that forces him to quiet down and bent his creativity.

And, just like a tragic hero, Roman asks that his story will not be forgotten, that others will know about him, his unfortunate life, his "crazy dreams" and especially his passion: writing stories "that you will hear about".

This line in particular reminds me of this part from Recipe for Me:

And still, I continue to write because I have more dreams to fulfill Tales I hoped to tell when I was younger Ideas that I haven't made yet, but I will I'll find my way with my will

The concept is the same in Voilà. Roman is a "controlled" Creativity, surrounded by rules and morals that shut him, but he wants to be heard, he wants to tell stories.

And that’s just it. This is what creativity is all about: talking, puring out its ideas, as loud and freely as possible.

Voilà, voilà, voilà, here is who I am Here I am, even if I'm scared as I'm naked, yes Here I am in the noise and in silence

I love how this song is a way for Roman to express himself, to show himself despite everything. He's like this, he's a "half Creativity", he's scared, he's not perfect. But here he is, "in the noise and in silence". Because your creativity is always here with you, no matter where you are or what you are doing: it will never leave you and it will never stop asking to be heard.

Look at me, or at least what's left of it Look at me, before I hate myself What can I say that another hasn't already said? I don't have much, but I place here what I do have Voilà

Aaaah, yes, I like to wake up with the strong smell of Roman's angst in the morning.

Roman seeing himself as something broken? Perfect. We want more of the angsty boi. Even the fans of King Creativity may read this line as Roman seeing himself as “half of a whole”!

And, again I love how despite feeling broken and hating it, he’s still ready to give everything he has. This is the true essence of the concept of creativity.

Also, why not adding a little more angst?

I want to be loved, because I don't know myself how to like the shape of me

This is perfect, because it reconnects to the first episode, when Roman said his goal would be to love himself first. He never reached this goal after almost 30 episodes - and this line might offer an answer on why: because Roman doesn’t know how. He hates himself so much, he doesn’t know how to love himself.

And that’s probably why he needs another person to love: because it’s easier to love someone else, rather than himself.

Voilà, voilà, voilà, here is who I am Here I am, even if it's the end as I'm naked Here I am in the noise and in rage too Finally, look at me and my eyes and my hands All I have is here, it's my face, it's my scream Here I am, here I am, here I am

This last chorus is awesome: the quintessential of Roman’s desperation, of showing himself, of screaming hoping to be heard by anyone. Unlike Remus who is unstoppable and doesn't care about others, Roman cares. He needs a public, he needs to be heard, otherwise he would lose himself.

And I seriously love how these two songs both have the same idea (embrace yourself and your uniqueness), but talk aboout this theme in such different ways - and yet so fitting for the twins... they are just GREAT.

(On a side note: this song is so dramatically French Roman would love it and sing it with the same passion Barbara used and I would love to see that.)

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EUROVISION 2019

Bilal Hassani - Roi

Come on... Roi. Roi. Considering that "roi" means "king" in French, who could possibly be the Side I would associate this song with? Maybe the Side who already has a King in his playlist?

Nope, this song is for Remus.

Why Remus? The reason is very simple and you can just notice by reading the first verses:

I am me And I know I will always be I am free Sure I am inventing my life Don't ask me who I am

I am The same since I was very little And in spite of looks, opinions I cry, I go out and I laugh

You put me in a box Want me to be like you I don't follow the codes People are disturbed a lot At the end of the day You canno change me, boo! So, let me fly

This song overflows with confidence, the lines talk about someone who is free to be whoever he wants, who has always been the same since he was a child, who is rejected by others and doesn't give a damn, who doesn't "follow the codes" and refuses to be changed by them.

This isn't Roman, but this is the quintessential of Remus. This song is everything about him, from his confidence to his desire to be free.

And the chorus is even clearer:

I'm not rich but i'm shining bright I can't see my kingdom now When I dream, I am a king And I know o-o-ow Even now o-o-ow You try to take me down You cannot break me nah nah

That's him, that's Remus.

On a side note, if Remus also has his "King song", that would strengthen the connection with Roman, since they both would have a song about "being/feeling like a king".

And this song is Roi, king in French. Since I think Remus would definitely know French, this makes Roi an even more fitting choice, doesn’t it?

Who are we ? When we hide, when we fight for free Only god can judge you and me We did not choose what we are

Not only there is a nice religious reference, but these lines are a also a reference to the LGBT community: they hide, they fight, they didn't choose to be like that (no matter what idiots might think) and only God can judge them, not other, very flawled (and, honestly, very pathetic too) humans.

So, if we consider it, there is also a hidden "fuck society" and a "I am gay and proud to be" and those are both very Remus things.

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EUROVISION 2018

Saara Aalto - Monster

I would associate this song with Thomas. And, specifically, to Thomas at the end of the series. Why?

Here's why:

So tonight I'm making friends with all the creatures That are hiding there under my bed

I ain't gonna hold on to these monsters anymore Now I'm gonna let in all the light Tear down the walls At my worst, I found my army strong All the demons are gone You can try and scare me now But I ain't scared no more I ain't scared no more

At the end of the series, Thomas would have befriended all the Sides, especially the "monsters hiding under his bed", the dark bois.

The "final Thomas" will tear down every wall between him and his Sides and will stop hiding/rejecting them. This will make him stronger, because the Sides will be his helpers, parts of him, his friends. He won't be scared anymore by Remus, suspicious towards Janus, afraid of Virgil or terrified by Orange.

"All the demons are gone": the dark sides won't be villains anymore, but friends. And they would help him be stronger.

It's my life I'm ready to lead it I'm gonna roll the dice You better believe it

This part is great as well, because it proves another interesting detail: that Thomas is growing up. He's taking life into his own hands, he's leading it. No more "Oh no, I don't know what to choose between callback and wedding!". He's more confident, he's stronger, he's more mature.

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Hovig - Gravity

Honestly, I think this song can be something all Sides might sing to Thomas. It's basically a testament of how much they care about him:

Let me be your heart and your company I'll let you be the one who can lean on me I'll catch you when you fall When you're falling free Let me be, be your gravity

But the imagery just screams "ROMAN" so much, I can't help but think that yes, this is a great Roman song and it's all from Roman to Thomas.

I mean...

I can be your hero I can be your fantasy Oh, I can be the cure Yeah, let me be Your remedy

He IS Thomas' hero, so how can I ignore this? And he's also the embodiment of Thomas' fantasies, he's the wings that make Thomas fly.

Let me be your wings When you're flying high I'm gonna raise you up 'til you touch the sky I'll catch you when you fall When you're falling free Let me be, be your gravity

It's just pure love for Thomas and it begs me to being a Roman song, so... here it is. A Roman song dedicated to Thomas.

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Eleni Foureira - Fuego

Listen, not only Roman would rock this song, but also dance like a maniac while singing it just like Eleni and no, you can't change my mind.

Just look at how this woman sings and dnaces without never losing a beat until the end. And please consider that on the Eurovision stage there is no autotune: this was her voice and he delivered a great performance without cracks.

So yes, I want Roman singing this.

But the lines are great for him as well! I mean...

Take a dive Into my eyes Yeah the eyes of lioness Feel the power They ain’t lying.

and

Coz I’m way up and I ain’t comin’ down, keep taking me higher Ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah yeah ah yeah ah yeah Coz I’m burning up and I ain’t coolin’ down, yeah I got the the fire Ah yeah ah yeah ah yeah yeah ah yeah ah yeah

Fuego

Someone fiery and passionate, powerful eyes, pride... yep, this is definitely something Roman would sing. Especially because of the fire. Roman is a fiery guy, so fire is very him.

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Yianna Terzi - Oniro Mou

I actually already talked about this song in an old post and I still haven't changed my mind: this song is all about Janus telling Thomas how much he cares about him.

If you look into the depth of me You revive my dream And if you look into my heart I will take you into my arms   How would you like me to say this I would die for you I would give my life for you End and beginning, you are everything

Not only the "take you into my arms" reminds me of Change (" I’ll be able to be honest, capable / Of holding you in my arms without letting you fall"), but the last three lines are so incredibly loving and honest I can't think of anyone else but Janus while reading them. Thomas is his end and beginning, Janus would literally die for Thomas and give his life for him.

So, well, it's just very fitting. And I love how dramatic this song is. It doesn't have the jazzy vibe Janus loves, but the drama is all here.

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Francesco Gabbani - Occidentali’s Karma

Do you remember how hard it was to analyze Algorhythm from Logan's playlist? Every line has a meaning and explaining every single one of them took me an eternity.

Well, this song is basically like Algorhythm, but with more philosophy and billions to references. You see the performance on the stage and ahahah, there's a funny dancing gorilla, what a cute song. Then you read the lyrics and BOOM.

I will not analyze this song here, because every line would require at least two paragraphs to explain it. And this post is already long enough as it is, but please, search the meaning of this song: there are references to Shakespeare, Heraclitus, buddhism, Andy Warhol, Desmond Morris and his book "The Naked Ape", Marx, Nietzsche and so on. Basically every line is a reference, a play on words or both at the same time.

What about the main theme? The main theme is the human and especially the contemporary human. In fact, "Occidentali" (Westerners) does not refer to the geographical place, aka Europeans/Americans, but to the western cultural model.

So the title “Occidentali’s Karma” (Westerners Karma) is an insight on contemporary society, on our values and on how, despite how many things changed, we are not so different from our ancestors after all.

This song might seem a perfect choice for Janus. There's a critique of society, there are philosophers and plays on words.

But I’m not too convinced, because even if Janus likes all those things, the number of references is just SO HUGE only a real nerd can find, recognize and appreciate them all.

So yes, this is a Logan song. A song he would probably listen and analyze, enjoying the whole process of knowing more things, finding out all the hidden meanings, the plays on words (we all know you like puns, ya big nerd) and the critical insight. After all, Algorhythm WAS a critique of society, so Logan should appreciate it.

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EUROVISION 2014

Twin Twin - Moustache

Not only the band is called Twin Twin but, as if this wasn't screaming "Creativitwins" enough, the title of the song is "Moustache".

Come on, you know who is the Side perfect for this song.

Psyche! It's both Roman and Remus.

Something is missing, but what? I want this, I want that When I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming in dollars, every day I'm wearing a different suit.

This is very Roman: Roman wants everything (let's not forget Primadonna from his playlist), Roman’s dreams are big. And Roman is Creativity, so he "wears a different suit" every day - aka he directs his creative flow in different stories/songs.

I want this, I want that there's never enough for me it's like this, it's like that there's always something I don't have

This part strongly reminds me of Primadonna. Roman wants everything, every day. He's never satisfied.

And then, Remus busts in and...

I wanted a moustache, a moustache

So my headcanon is that this starts as a Roman's song, all about wanting everything because "there's always something I don't have", until Remus pops out during the chorus and says all he wants is his gorgeous moustache.

*chef’s kiss* Perfection.

But I know what you want, dear audience. You want some angst, don't you?

Fine, so what if the "I want a moustache" line is Roman's subtle way to say that he wants the same freedom his brother has? After all, Roman has "everything one could ever dream of", "I have friends too / even some who like me". All he needs is more creative freedom and  the moustache is a subtle way to say that.

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Aarzemnieki - Cake to Bake

This is the ultimate song for all Patton's fans, because it combines Patton's love for baking to Patton being an absolute disaster at it.

Also, it's an incredibly cute song.

I melted the ice of the polar caps Found the raiders of the lost ark Solved a case for the genius from Baker Street Helped to clean the Central Park I created the plan for the Chinese wall Went to desert, made it rain Swam through a shark tank bloodily Found Atlantis, by the way But today

The first verse is already awesome: Patton did a lot of great stuff, even impossible stuff ("solved a case for the genius from Baker Street" is a very nice reference to the Losing My Motivation episode).

But today, he has to face the most difficult task of them all:

I’ve got a cake to bake, and got no clue at all I’ve got a cake to bake, and haven’t done that before Don’t be proud, mate, please, don’t bother Go, come on and ask your mother How to bake, how to bake, bake that cake

Not only this makes me smile every time, but I can perfectly imagine Patton in a kitchen, with all the ingredients in front of him, everything ready and set... and he’s just absolutely lost. Should he use a spoon to stir the flour? And how can he open the vanilla beans? He doesn’t even know how to turn the stove on.

And so, he decides it’s time to ask someone else to help him. Bonus points if the mother is Janus. Also because he is a mom AND a witch, so

Also, this line:

Mix some dough, add some love, let it bake, wait for it

It's SO Patton, because the main ingredient of his recipes IS love! And cumin. And sometimes spit, depending on what he's making: pasta for Roman or some toasts for his angsty teen son.

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Carl Espen - Silent Storm

At first, I thought this was a Logan song: someone who feels empty and alone, who has a storm inside but it's a silent storm, because Logan would never express his feelings in any way.

But there are these lines:

And there’s a silent storm inside me Looking for a home I hope that someone’s gonna find me And say that I belong I’ll wait forever and a lifetime To find I’m not alone There’s a silent storm inside me And someday I’ll be calm Someday I’ll be calm

And maybe it's just me, but this reminds me so much of Virgil. He has a storm inside, his own symbol is a storm. He's searching for a home, after leaving the dark sides. And he hopes someone will say he belongs - Thomas will say he belongs, that Virgil is part of him and of the famILY.

And he's willing to wait all the time, just to get that tiny bit of recognition and acceptance. And, who knows, maybe when he'll get it, the storm inside him will calm down and he will finally be at peace.

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Tinkara Kovač - Round and Round

I don't know if I'm insane (or just extremely self indulgent), but this song is basically Janus during the wedding/callback saga.

Uncertain between worlds Circle after circle, we're trapped in time When you're already familiar with every storm You're playful, and yet you're alone

The first verse sets the time and situation. Thomas is living an uncertain life (just like every actor), trapped in the same cycle, with nothing new coming: same job, same opportunities, no big chances, nothing stable. He's "familiar with every storm", aka Virgil has been accepted. Thomas is happy, but he's alone. No one is actually on his side, not even the Sides themselves. He's not taking care of himself enough, he's too ready to drop everything for his friends, he's spreading himself too thin.

And now I'm gonna show you how to breathe I'm gonna show you how to live I'm gonna hold your heart in hand I'm gonna make you understand

This can be a declaration from Janus: he's tired of working in the shadows, he wants to step up and help Thomas in person. And these lines make me think of him, because of how "firm" (and kinda villain-y) they sound.

He wants to show Thomas how to live, aka what are the best decisions to make). He's going to "hold your heart in hand", aka to have Thomas wrapped around his fingers, to take control and steer him with a strong, confident grip, away from the decisions he considers bad, into making him a lot stronger than before.

And, finally, he wants to make him understand. So if the lines before sounded more like a villain’s plan, this last line adds something more. Janus wants to explain to Thomas why he's doing this, why his decisions are better, why Thomas should trust him.

If we think about it, this is everything Janus tried to do since CLBG: he wrapped Thomas (and the other Sides) around his fingers and made them play the courtroom scenario he built, he tried to steer Thomas away from the selfless decision of going to the wedding. And he tried to make him understand why, with the pinata metaphor.

You don't know you don't know Is it love is it hate What are we changing (What are we doing) You don't know you don't but Can you feel it inside Feel the roses Feel the pride (Can you believe it)

Thomas doesn't know a lot of things. Does he really know what love is? Or hate? Or what he's actually doing, by listening to his Morality? What is Janus doing?

[Deceit]: What am I doing here right now, Thomas? Am I the snake come to trick you into sinning, or have you had your mind made up since the moment you received the news about the callback? (SvS)

Thomas doesn't know a lot of things. But deep down, he knows what he wants to do. He should "feel the roses / feel the pride", both things associated with Roman. He is the one Thomas should listen to. And Janus is hinting it.

Is a moment just a circle Just a song you play on repeat? If we can't change how we're living Isn't life just a lie that we feed

Janus is expressing his frustration here: is Thomas' life doomed to always be the same, a cycle, a "song you play on repeat"? Can't he really change his life because of his selflessness? Will he really miss all the opportunities life offers him, in order to always be a good person?

What's the point of living, then? This wouldn't be life, but "a lie that we feed": instead of living his own life, Thomas would submit it to what others want/need, in order to always be present for them.

This is basically a huge warning from Janus: don't fall into this cycle, break free, I can make you free, listen to me and I will make you understand what is wrong about it.