#am i in my flop era or not lets see

[holysheithyall]

a wip that’s technically not a wip bc it will never be progressed further because i gave up🩷

[skitskatdacat63]

I drew all of my historical AU Sebs!!!!

In order they are(with relevant links to lore info if you are curious!!): Napoleonic Hussar Seb(x), Renaissance Muse Seb(x) and Boy King/Emperor Seb(x)

Let me know which you like best!!!

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— Yeehaw' it's cowgirl era!

pairings: leah williamson x reader

summary: readers' in her cowgirl era as she goes to nashville with leah and her family, she tries to contain her excitement, but its' too much to handle at the end of the night.

↪ this is my fav one shot to write, because I love country music!

and as always thank you to @alotofpockets for the help/inspiration to keep going with this fic!

"I'm so tired, why's the airport so noisy?" You grumble in complaint, all you want to do is sleep but with the news around the airport, its' difficult to do that.

You're tired, so tired. You weren't going to miss the chance to speak to your best friend in Australia though.

Stupid time zones really do suck.

"Well, that's what you get when you don't sleep, monkey," Leah chuckles, glancing at you while you are curled up on the floor.

"Its' not my fault though-- Kyra phoned me!" You whine in protest.

Leah chuckles and shakes her head, "Surely you can't be comfy down there?" She wonders, trying to understanding your reasoning to lie on the floor.

"Its' fine," You murmur, keeping your eyes shut and trying to ignore everyone around so you can sleep.

"Why don't you come and sit up here, love?" Berny, Leahs' grandma suggests, "You can't be comfortable down there."

"M' fine here," You repeat, trying to be as polite as possible.

"Shes' fine, Grandma. I'm happy for monkey to sleep wherever as long as I don't have to chase after her," Leah tells the older women, speaking nothing but the truth about the matter.

"What?" Jordan, Leahs' older cousin chuckles.

Leah exhales a sigh and locks her phone from where she's previously scrolling through Instagram, "Monkey likes to do this thing where she bolts, at literally any single chance that she gets. So as long as she's not making me run after her then I'm fine with that," She explains to them both.

Jordan blinks her eyes in confusion, "Uh, er, what?"

"Don' make me move, I'm comfy!" You whine from your position on the floor still.

"See?" Leah gestures to you with an amused smile, "Be grateful shes' not trying to pet the dogs over there." She adds.

"That was one time!" You exclaim in protest.

You try pet a few dogs' in the airport and suddenly everyone starts to make a big deal out of it, pft.

All you wanted to do was say hi to them.

You like animals, so what?

"I have so many questions right now," Jordan remarks.

Leah chuckles amusedly, "Well, we might be here a while then."

"The floors' not comfy anymore," You complain, huffing in annoyance.

"I thought you said it was?" Leah teases you at your own expense.

"Well now I'm not and everyones' been too loud," You whine in frustration, scrambling to get up from the floor, "Everyone needs to shuuuut up!"

"Uh, Le, is she okay?" Jordan turns to look at Leah in concern.

"Oh, yeah, this is just monkey being well, this is just monkey being her normal self-- Ooft, I didn't think you'd literally flop yourself down on me there," Leah groans as she feels your whole body weight completely slump down on her.

You let out a yawn and rest your head on her shoulder, "You make a comfy pillow, so deal with it." You state.

"But, you know..." Leahs' words are cut short by you.

"Shush, you're bein' too loud, Le," You grumble, not happy with her continuing to yap in your ear when you just want to sleep.

"Oh you poor baby," Leah mocks you.

"Mean Malfoy," You murmur under your breath, but it's still loud enough for the blonde to hear.

"What-- Whos' Malfoy?" The blonde's completely thrown off by the namedrop of a certain character.

"You are," You don't hesistate to admit.

"What? I am... I am not--" Leahs' still in disbelief to even realise that you'd managed to drop off to sleep while using her shoulder as a pillow, "Oh, she's asleep. Would you look at that?" She mutters.

"Must've been tired," Berny chuckles, amusedly.

"I still-- I... I don't look like him," Leah is still continuing to have a full blown crisis over the newfound nickname, "Do you guys think I look like Malfoy?" She questions, confused.

"Hey, monkey. You're quiet," Leah pokes her head around the door to check in on you, after not hearing much from you since you had all arrived at the hotel, "Whatcha up to?" She questions.

"Watchin' Black Widow," You pause the current film your watching and  peer your head up from your iPad, "Wouldn't it be so cool to have Widow Bites?" You wonder.

That would definitely be so cool.

Apparently Leah thinks different by her facial expression.

"I think I'd fear for everyones' safety around you with them things," Leah remarks, shaking her head in disagreement, "What would you even use them for anyways?" She asks.

Shrugging your shoulders, you fumble with the strings of your hoodie, "Hurt my enemies and stuff, ye know'?" 

"Enemies?" Leah questions in amusement.

"I got 'em, Le. Loads of 'em!" You tell the blonde.

Leah continues to look at you bewildered, "Right, oookay then. Well, we're gonna get ready to head to the festival soon, so are you ready to go?" She wonders.

"Uh huh, just watchin' this to kill the time-- Ooh! I still need one of them fancy hats!" You exclaim in realisation, jumping up from the bed.

"Slow down there cowgirl," Leah chuckles, making the reference to the jumper that you're wearing, "I've got you covered." She gestures to the cowboy hat which she just so happens to have in her hand before she plonks it on top of your head.

"Yeehaw! Howdy there partner!" You beam a wide grin as you try and put on the perfect accent.

The blonde continues to laugh in amusement, "You are something else sometimes, monkey," Shaking her head, she slings her arm around your shoulder, "C'mon, lets' go and find my family." She adds.

"Whatcha mean by that?" You turn your head to look at her in confusion.

"Well, you've heard the phrase 'one sandwich short of a picnic', right?" Leah explains to you as the two of you start to head out of the hotel room.

"Uh huh," You nod your head slowly in understanding.

"You're that sandwich, monkey," Leah states as she smiles.

Now its' your turn to look at the blonde bewildered, "What? I--"

"Anyways, let's go before we're late!" Leah interjects, tugging you in the direction to go and meet her two family members down in the lobby of the hotel.

"Whoa!" Your eyes are lit in excitement as you take in the sight around you of the festival, "We're in Nashville!"

"We are indeed, monkey," Leah chuckles in amusement, using her usual nickname for you since your well, a cheeky monkey.

The blonde also has another nickname though, menace, but that's usually referred to when you're being well, a typical little shit in her eyes.

So, most of the time... You guess.

You still to look around at the atmosphere in awe, "Whoa! This is so cool!" You whisper in awe, not actually believing you were here right now, "Like, I can't believe we're here-- It's so awesome, isn't it?" You turn to the blonde for her answer.

"I can see somebody's excited, huh?" Leahs' grandma, Berny chimes in as she watches you take it all in.

"Hey!" You gasp excitedly, spotting a girl nearby who just so happens to be wearing the same boots as you are, "That girls' got the same boots that I've got! We're totally matching!" You can't help but squeal.

"That's bound to happen here monkey," Leah remarks as she rests her hand on your shoulder and you sense that she's got something to say, "Listen, I know you're excited to be here, but I don't want you to be running off at all, alright?" She questions, knowing just what you're like.

"C'mon Le, I know that. I'm no idiot!" You dramatically whine.

"I didn't say that, but you know, sometimes you get distracted--" Leahs' words are cut short when you do in fact get distracted.

It's only a matter of seconds before it would happen.

"Look, they've got Churros!" You gesture over to a nearby van that's selling them and try to walk off in that direction.

"Ah, ah, no you don't," Leah's quick to yank hold of you by the back of your jumper, "See? This is exactly what I mean!" She states, firmly.

"But there's Churros, Le-- Churro's are life!" You all but insist, you couldn't get enough of the sugary treats.

"Don't even think about running off, menace!" The blonde is quick to warn you seeing that it looks like you're keen to bolt in that very minute, "I can see that look in your eye!" She adds.

However, the blondes' made the rookie error of letting go of you as they start to walk over to enter the arena where the music would be, at least the blonde still thinks you're following behind her.

Only for her to turn round and her eyes' widen when she realises you had not followed her at all, but went wandering off because of course, when there's Churros around... It's an easy decision to make.

So you bolted, running right in the direction for them without even second guessing it.

"Where the hell has she gone?!" Leahs' throwing her hands up in the air and looking fed up already, not even making it near the arena yet and you're already up to your old tricks, "I swear to god, I need to put a tracker on that girl!" She grumbles under her breath.

Both Berny and Jordan can't help but laugh, "You've got your hands full there, huh?" Her cousin jokes.

"Yeah, you're telling me," The blonde pinches the bridge of her nose, "I need to go find her, I'll be back." She huffs, very much not in the mood to deal with your antics.

And here Leah thought you will be tame tonight...

Ha, no.

"Good luck, love," Her grandma tells her, amusedly.

Leahs' shaking her head in annoyance, wandering through the various food vans' to get to where you where, currently being served the battered sweet treats, "There you are, menace! C'mere!" She states, annoyed.

You whip your head round and give the blonde a cheeky grin, "Le, look. Check out all the Churros I got! Do yer' want one?" You offer one out to the blonde, completely unaware of how peeved she is.

"What, no, I do not want one. What I want is for you to stop wander off," Leah looks at you in disbelief as she is quick to yank hold of the back of your jumper, "C'mon, now!" She states, firmly.

"Sooo, you don't want a Churro then?" You repeat the question, clearly not getting the idea of how annoyed Leah was, "Oh well, more for me then..." You shrug your shoulders and continue to shove it in your mouth.

Keeping a hold of you in one hand to not make the same mistake for you to run off again, Leah uses her other hand to rip the Churro out of your hand and toss it in a nearby bin, "You know you shouldn't be eatin' that many. You're going to get sick!" She tells you.

"But they're so good though!" You whine in protest.

Leah shakes her head, "No, no, that's enough of them. I'm not dealin' with you being sick. You know what you're like with that much sugar!" She states, firmly.

"COUNTRY GIRL, SHAKE IT FOR ME, GIRL," You sing along to the lyrics of the song that's currently being performed at the top of your lungs, having the best time of your life, "SHAKE IT FOR ME!"

If there was a table to stand on top of right now, your damn sure that you would be standing on it and pumping your fist in the air.

"Enjoyin' yourself there, monkey?" Leah glances at you and smiles, although slightly concerned for the impending sugar crash that's going to follow anytime soon.

"Hell yeah! I'm in my cowgirl era right now!" You scream in response, swaying to the music and continuing to live in the moment, "I never ever wanna leave this place!" You exclaim.

Leah laughs slightly and shakes her head, "Stay here, alright? I'm goin' to get some drinks-- Don't even think about moving!" She warns, following what happened earlier on when you went on an adventure for Churros.

"Ooo, drink. I want one!" You insist, whipping your head in the blondes' direction, "I'll take a vodka coke, please!" You declare.

"Sure, nice try. How about we hold the coke, eh?" Leah remarks, amusedly, "Legal age is 21 here, sorry, monkey." She pats you on your shoulder.

"Boo!" You huff in protest at the news, "C'mon, the rules don't have to apply to me!" You tell her.

Rules are there to be broken, right?

Definitely.

"Yes they do," Jordan chimes in.

"Pft, says who?" You scoff and roll your eyes at the older women. Your definitely not a rule follower most of the time, "Rules don't mean nothing to me."

"Me, because the rules really do apply in this case, monkey. I'm not being the one bailing you out of jail," Leah tells you, laughing in amusement.

You can't help but huff once more, "Meanie, complete meanie, Malfoy."

"I do not look like Malfoy!" The blonde exclaims.

"Yer you do, carbon copy of him," You remark cheekily, sticking your tongue out at her.

"You little-- I'll be back. Stay put here, don't even think about moving or I'll follow through with the threat of that tracker!" Leah warns, wagging her finger in front of your face, "Stay." She repeats.

"Woof," You reply to the blonde by barking, being completely, well, being completely you.

"Le? Pst, Le!" You not to gently nudge the blonde in the ribs as you start to get bored in the middle of a performance and want her attention, "Le... Leeeaaah!" You continue be that lovely irritating twerp that everyone seems to put up with.

"What?" Leah turns to face you confused, "What's up, monkey?" She questions.

"Hi," You can't help but snicker in amusement, just winding her up for the sake of it.

Mission success when you see the facial expression is unamused.

"Your such a pest sometimes," The blonde grumbles, shaking her head before she takes a swig of her drink.

You smirk and take the opportunity to be even more of a pest per say, "Malfoy's cranky." You murmur, just loud enough to still be heard.

Leah's head whips around in your direction, "I heard that, you little shit!"

"Language!" You gasp dramatically and widen your eyes, "You said a bad word!"

You feel a swat around the back of your head, "You're a menace sometimes."

"Le, love, don't hit the child," The blondes' grandma chides.

"She's not a child, she's a literal devil," Leah remarks, scoffing as she scowls at you as if to be cautious of your next move.

"Regardless, don't hit Y/N," The older women states.

You can't help but stick your tongue out at the blonde, "I win!" You exclaim, doing a little victory dance in your spot where your sat.

"I can ground you again, so be careful with your next move!" Leah warns, giving you a pointed luck.

Where's the fun in that?

You faux hurt and rest your hand on your chest, "Who, me? I didn't do out. You can't prove anything," You play innocent in front of Leah's family members.

"I was right, you really are a devil sometimes!" Leah murmurs, shaking her head in disbelief, "A complete menace to society."

"Yeah, but you still keep me around, right?" You can't help but grin cockily, letting out a sudden squeal when you feel an arm wrap around your neck and pull you down slightly, "Agh! Lemme go, lemme go!" You whine in protest.

Soon enough the wave of the sugar rush soon turns into a sugar crash.

Eating a bunch Churros was really, really not a good idea.

Although they were too good to not eat, so definitely worth it at the time in your opinion.

However, now, it is a completely different story now your energy is starting to wear off.

The state being where you somehow manage to slump off your chair down to the floor and curl yourself into a ball on the ground in front of Leah and her family.

You just want to get comfy, and the ground seems acceptable.

No judgement here, alright?

Leah's a bit drunk from the alcohol but seeing you in the way that you are and shes' sobering up pretty quick, "Monkey, what an earth are you doin'?"

"I'm tired," You murmur in half asleep state, finding it hard to keep your eyes open.

Leah exhales a sigh and shakes her head, "Why don't you come back up here and sleep on the chair, like a normal person?" She suggests.

You barely are shaking your head in response due to the tiredness, "No thanks, I'm comfy here."

"That can't possibly be comfy though?" The blonde continues to look at you in disbelief.

Jordan can't help but look over at the chaos and chuckle slightly, "Are you okay, kid?" She asks.

"M' tired and the grounds comfortable," Your voice is just loud enough to be heard, as your eyes flutter shut as your just content enough to listen to the music, "Night night."

"Monkey, come on. The grounds dirty and cold, get up please," Leah looks at you in bewilderment, trying to get you up of the floor where's there no doubt several amount of things you definitely shouldn't be lying in, "Monkey, come on. Up here." She repeats.

There's not much response from you, because somehow bizarrely, you have managed to get curl yourself up in a ball and fall fast asleep.

The soft snores are a dead giveaway that you are indeed out cold.

"Is she... Is she really asleep?" Jordan looks completely baffled.

Berny peers over at you and chuckles, "It appears she is."

"Monkey can sleep anywhere. I've never seen her fall asleep in the middle of a festival though," Leah snorts in amusement, before she takes pity on you and moves off her seat to crouch down and gently scoop you up into her arms, settling back onto her seat with you nestled against her.

It takes a few minutes before you shift in your sleep, burying your face in the blondes' neck and letting out soft snores, which make all 3 women smile in amazement.

"Shes' out for the count so it seems," Leah murmurs, swaying to the beat of the music and softly patting your back to allow you to still stay asleep for the rest of the concert, "Hopefully she can make it all the way through the acts tomorrow before she sleeps." She jokes.

Another day in Nashville, a whole lot more for you to see.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[withleeknow]

for the requests — i'll send two songs that i've liked for quite a while and you can choose the member that you see who fits the vibe?

sand by dove cameron

and

make you mine by madison beer

conversations with strangers.

pairing: seungmin x gn!reader genre/warnings: exes to ??, non-idol au (i wrote this with seungmin in mind as a celebrity/singer or musician of some sort so it's pretty vague and it's not explicitly mentioned what he actually does, so if you wanna imagine him as an idol it still fits the narrative. i can't tell you what to do lol), Angst™️! (i think. i liked this at first but then i was looking at it so much that i became desensitized to it and idk if it's that sad anymore lol); the ending is a little ambiguous maybe?, mentions of drinking, mentions of sex, could've been more edited word count: 2.9k note: this might be one of my favorite things that i've written lately but i am also in my fish freshly dropped on land era so i am fully prepared for this to flop like ass lol bye

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

navigation / request masterlist / ko-fi

I saw the end when we began You couldn't love the way I can I tried to bargain with the stars For more than half of your heart But you have more pieces of me than the desert has sand And I have less pieces of you than I can hold in my hand

Sand - Dove Cameron

"Why did you call me?"

"Why did you come?"

There isn't a good answer to his question, so you choose to ignore it in favor of keeping your eyes on the road, your fingers holding tightly onto the steering wheel. You don't know what to tell him. You yourself aren't even sure why you came to that bar, why Seungmin is sitting in your passenger seat right now just because he was drunk and he wouldn't let anyone take him home but you.

"I asked you first," you say. It takes an effort to keep your voice even, an effort not to look over at him.

"Don't know," he sounds like he couldn't care less, but that's always been Seungmin for you. "Old habits die hard, I guess. You were the only one I used to call."

You round a corner without even having to look at the GPS. The route to his place is still ingrained in your brain even after all this time. On some nights when you feel too stuffy indoors, you would go on a walk by yourself. Directionless for an hour or two, you just want to feel the wind wrap around your body and solid ground beneath your feet.

On these same nights, you would find yourself at Seungmin's door.

It's always unintentional, the way your feet would carry you to his home without your permission.

"Used to," you reiterate. "Past tense. You don't get to call me anymore. I'm not your chauffeur."

You feel his eyes on the side of your face. Then his voice, ever so calm and collected, "You came anyway, didn't you?"

His words irritate you for some reason, even though he means nothing bad. No malice in his voice; he's just simply stating a fact. You did come when he called, and perhaps the person that you're really annoyed with is only yourself, because why did you come?

He should be a stranger to you by now, and yet, you're here.

Maybe you know the answer. Maybe it's not a hard question at all.

You let the both of you wallow in silence for the rest of the drive. When you pull up to Seungmin's building about ten minutes later, you finally turn to cast your gaze upon him with your eyebrow slightly raised, a polite Get out if there ever was one.

Instead of taking the hint like a normal person and going on his merry way, he just stares at you with his big eyes and his hair still styled to perfection even after a night of celebrating and drinking. Seungmin loves to be difficult, this you can't ever forget.

"Well?" you press. "You're home."

He blinks, then swallows thickly. He looks around your car for a few seconds, unsure of himself. If he wasn't intoxicated, you would think he's trying to stall.

"I... I can't go up by myself," he says.

"Are you serious?"

He just nods, something expectant in his gaze.

"You're a grown man."

"Help me up." He doesn't sound all too drunk, but maybe he's just got a way of masking it because Seungmin would never outright ask for help. He's stubborn, and he thinks it makes him look weak. Incapable.

In the end, you give in to his request. You let him lean on you in the elevator on the way up to his floor, the scent of his cologne still overpowering the bourbon he had all night and it makes you just a little nostalgic.

At his door, you hold onto his waist and look away when he punches in the passcode. The door unlocks and this should be it for the two of you, your unexpected reunion should be ending the moment Seungmin crosses over to the other side of the threshold, but he just turns around and looks at you, his body against the frame of the door this time.

"There, you're home safely," you say. "I've done my part. Goodnight."

"Come in."

"Why?"

"I'm tired. Come in." And with that, Seungmin retreats into the apartment, leaving the door open for you to follow without any further explanation at all. For a moment, you stand there by yourself, not really sure of what to do. You hear him shuffling inside, before the sound of his body plopping onto the couch carries over to your ears.

What business do you have here? What business did you have with Seungmin in the first place today?

And yet, you find yourself trailing inside, closing the door behind you until the lock clicks into place. Maybe you're curious to see what the place looks like since the last time that you were here. The two of you never lived together - you weren't foolish enough to agree even though he did ask - but you were over often enough to consider this your second home.

Not much has changed. It's still the same minimalist four walls that you were used to. Same light gray paint, same black couch. Same framed signature of his favorite baseball player and same tiny crack in the decorative bowl on the coffee table. There's a photo on the credenza lying face down seemingly on purpose, but you don't say anything about it.

"What am I doing here?" you ask.

"Why did you come?" he shoots you the question for the second time tonight.

You blink at him. He only stares back.

"Why did you call me?" you repeat. "Why did you really call me?"

Questions thrown out but no answers received, like you're both running in circles, with neither of you knowing why you're even running in the first place.

Seungmin purses his lips before he stands up, the suddenness of the movement leaves him unsteady on his feet, makes him hold onto the couch's armrest for support. "Do you want some water?"

You bite the inside of your cheek. "Okay."

"Give me a second. Have a seat."

You watch as he pads into the kitchen a little wobbly, then returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water. He sits back down on the couch next to you, some distance dividing the two of you. He takes a sip, you do the same.

"Called you because I missed you," he says, casually admitting it like he was merely discussing the weather. The place hasn't changed, but maybe he has.

The last time you spoke to Seungmin was about six months ago, when he dropped off your things two weeks after you broke up. You haven't had any contact since, and that's exactly the way it should be for you and him now. You went your separate ways and that was it. A mutual agreement that hurts, but it was mutual nonetheless. For the past half a year, all he's been to you is a stranger. You know why it had to happen. You agreed to it.

But, just because you haven't talked, doesn't mean that you haven't thought of him. You wish he only crossed your mind in passing, wish your brain only conjured up the image of him whenever you saw something that he would like, or whenever you caught a glimpse of him on the TV or radio. In reality, it's been much more pathetic. You think of him almost every day, despite your best efforts to cleanse yourself of everything that's remotely related to the name Kim Seungmin. His absence carries itself with you all the time, a hollowness that seeps into every crevice of your life.

You know he means it. Seungmin doesn't lie, least of all to you. His honesty twists inside of you like a knife. Salt, meet wound.

You have no words to offer him, no response you can think of that would make sense to say out loud so you don't say anything. The only sound that falls from your lips is his name, like a warning, a plea, a consolation all at once.

But he doesn't seem to mind. Not his sudden vulnerability, not your reluctance to entertain that split second of honesty.

"I answered your question. Now you have to answer mine," he says. "Why did you come?"

"What do you want me to tell you?"

He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he takes a moment like he's mulling it over in his head. "Thought maybe you missed me too," he says eventually, ending the sentence with a bitter chuckle. "Just a little bit."

You tongue your cheek, stall with another sip of water before you place the glass on the table. On a coaster of course, Seungmin hates cup rings on his fancy table.

You lean back to rest on the couch, staring up at his boring ceiling. There are memories of you on this very couch, ones of you lying with your head on his lap as he plays with your hair, the two of you winding down after a long day. Or ones that are far too inappropriate to bring up ever again, of nights where you were both too desperate and impatient to take it to the bedroom. Those gentle reminders are still here somewhere, tucked between the cushions perhaps.

"Sure." You hum, nodding along. "Let's go with that."

Another chuckle, humorless. Though, you think he's pleased enough with that non-answer but you're not sure. He mirrors your position, falling into the couch with a sigh. From your peripheral vision, you think he's scooched closer to you, just by a few centimeters, in the process of settling into the sofa.

"My turn," you say. "Why do you want me here?"

"What is this, 21 questions?"

You shrug simply. "You asked me to come in. I'm just curious."

When Seungmin stays silent for a beat too long, you turn your head to watch him, thinking maybe he's knocked out because of the alcohol in his system. But you find him wide awake, his eyes staring ahead, looking like he's already sober.

His face is unreadable when he says, "Wanted to see something."

"See what?"

"See if something is still there."

It's your turn to remain quiet as you process his words, and it's Seungmin who has to turn to gauge your reaction.

"And? Is anything still there?" you ask.

"I don't know, you tell me. You're the one that stayed."

"Does it matter? If I say there is?"

"Of course it does."

"What would you do about it?"

He goes still once more. You know he doesn't have an answer to your question. What would he do? What could he even do? Patch things up only for them to fall apart again in a couple months? Once upon a time, you were naive enough to think that you could find a way to make it work. You had enough blind faith to think that it would all work out in the end; that if you wanted it enough, maybe the universe would let you have this one thing.

You return your gaze to the ceiling. He's shown you his cards, maybe it's only fair that you show him some of yours too.

An uncertain inhale, then the realization that this is the only time you would be able to have an honest conversation with him about this.

"Wanna hear something funny?" you ask.

"I have a feeling you're gonna tell me anyway."

It's anything but funny, and Seungmin is certain that you're not building up to a punchline. Sure, it's a little tragic that nothing matters, but there's some freedom, some comfort in that too. You can tell him everything that's plagued your mind for the past couple hundred days or so without having to worry about the repercussions. Even though not all is said, everything is already done.

"You know, you were mine before you were anyone else's," you say. You feel his eyes on the side of your face. The silence persists, and you aren't sure if you can take it as a sign to continue, but you do so anyway because at least he's not pumping the brakes on it, right? "I used to be jealous of your life. Toward the end, I mean."

"Jealous of what?"

"I don't know. Just your life, your dream. All of it."

Seungmin blinks. "You were jealous that I got to live my dream?"

"I said I was jealous of your life, not you," you correct him. "Because you always seemed to want everything else more than you wanted me."

"You make it sound like I was the bad guy." He turns a little defensive all of a sudden, an edge in his voice when he says, "That's not true."

You still remember him well enough to know that it is.

And it's not such a terrible thing; it's simply the truth. You can't fault him for having a dream and for having enough courage to see it through, even if it means unintentionally leaving you behind in the process. You could foresee the end even from the beginning. If you wanted to blame someone, you would have to blame yourself too.

You swerve around his metaphorical walls, his make-believe suit of armor. If you'd been nervous around Seungmin tonight, then that anxiety is now chipping away brick by brick the more you internalize the fact that nothing matters anymore.

"Remember your last show before we broke up? You were so happy, I was so proud of you. You belong on stage and I never wanted to take that away from you. But then I noticed the crowd, the thousands of people out there cheering your name and I realized that I would never compare to them. Their praise meant more to you than mine, and it was only a matter of time before you outgrew me to look for bigger and better spotlights.

"I'm not saying you were wrong for any of it. I don't blame you. You were always going to outgrow me. It's sad, but it's okay. I always knew that you'd have to leave me behind at some point. It's on me too; I just fell too hard too fast for someone who could never stay. It's your dream, you can't help it. But that night... that was the nail in the coffin for me, knowing that one day, to you, I would be just one of the faces in a crowd that you can't even tell apart."

It doesn't hurt as much as you thought it would. In fact, it's even a little cathartic to pour out the words that have been sitting heavy on your chest. Although it's not until a single tear spills over that you realize your eyes have welled up somewhere along the way. You quickly wipe it away with your thumb, then you feel his hand reach for yours after a few beats.

Seungmin calls your name, and you can hear the regret in his voice. When you look at him, his eyes have softened, no longer on the defense now that you've beat him to the offense. "I'm not drunk enough to forget about this in the morning, you know," he says.

"Does it matter? What are you going to do about it in the morning?" you ask. "We're already broken up. It's not like we can go anywhere from here. But at least now you know what it was like for me."

It seems to be a common theme tonight - stretches of silence in between admissions of truth so that one of you can gauge the other's reaction, trying to assess what path would be worth it to take at this crossroad you find yourselves unable to move on from.

Then he's tugging on your hand, pulling you to him until you're in each other's orbit again. Close enough for him to wrap his arm around you. Close enough that you're weak, not that you were ever that strong to begin with. It doesn't really come as a surprise that you let him.

"I..." Seungmin starts, full of uncertainty as he tries to string together a sentence. "We could go back."

This isn't a surprise either, that you're considering his words.

"What happens when it ends again?"

You can practically taste the residual bourbon on his breath when he leans into you, his lips brushing your cheek just slightly. "Then it ends again," he says, a little pained, all too selfish. "But it'll be worth it. It's worth it to me."

"What if it's not what I want? What if it's not worth it to me?"

He pulls back, putting some distance between your faces so he could see you better, the deep brown of his eyes searching for something that you're both aware of.

"You came tonight," he murmurs, as if that in and of itself is a sufficient enough explanation. "You stayed."

Not all is said, but everything is already done.

You had chance after chance after chance to leave, to shut this down - whatever this is - but you didn't, not even once. You're still a willing participant even though you've lived through this ending before. You know he loved you, know he loves you even if the way he goes about it is selfish.

Because you do know the answer to his questions. It's clear as day; anyone can see it from a mile away.

When your world eventually comes crashing down again some time from now, you won't blame Seungmin. You won't blame yourself either, despite having option to walk away from all of this right now.

Because maybe some pains are worth enduring twice, aren't they?

Why did you come? Why did you stay?

Is anything still there?

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 08.06.2024]

[newtonsheffield]

Someone's about to get lifted onto a desk 👀👀👀

I do not doubt that for a single second tbh.

Also: this is Kate’s study! It’s too femininely decorated for it to be Anthony’s, even in his new wife guy era. And I love that for her.

I love that she has space for herself, and space to write her letters and run the household. I can also imagine her lips parting in surprise the very first time she saw the ledgers and she saw exactly how much money the Bridgertons have.

“Everything alright, Love?”

Kate let her eyes flick to Anthony, lounging in the chair across on the other side of the viscountess’s, of her desk. “Fine.”

“You look shocked.” Anthony sighed, “Let me guess you’re about to admonish me for letting my books fall into such disrepair but I would remind you why I haven’t had much time for bookmaking recently.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “It’s not… that. I suppose I just… knew you were wealthy but seeing it in person is another thing.”

“We are wealthy.” Anthony corrected lightly, “I hardly expect you to ask me for every little thing you want. That’s an awful way some men make their wives live.”

Kate rolled her eyes, “And here I thought I heard a rumour about you quizzing young ladies on a penchant for over spending.”

“People exaggerate. Or perhaps I don’t mind making you happy,”

It had seemed odd to Kate at first, the frequency with which Anthony seemed present in her study, especially as one of the other ladies had laughed when she’d mention that she and Anthony had been in there together.

“God, Herbert wouldn’t even know where to find it.”

But it seems normal now, having Anthony poke his head in. So much so that she doesn’t even need to look up to know who’s just slipped in and closed the door behind him.

“Viscountess, you work far too hard.”

Kate but back her smile at his use of her title. “Oh no, no, no. You’re supposed to be working. And I know what you calling me that means.”

Anthony looked at her innocently while he flopped down into the chair opposite her, “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. I only thought Gee, I hope my beautiful wife’s not getting bored all alone like I am.”

Kate leaned back in her chair, “So you’ve come to save me have you?”

He gestured to himself, grinning cheekily. “I’m your knight in shining armor, yes.”

“And here I thought you intended to rarely see your wife, I can’t seem to get rid of you.” Kate teased, leaning back in her chair. “Though I suppose that has its merits.”

“It does,” Anthony said eagerly, “I’d be more than happy, Viscountess, to show you just how willing I am to make your afternoon just a little bit more pleasurable.”

Kate’s breath caught, “Lock the door then.”

Anthony practically scrambled back over the chair. “Yes Ma’am.”

[jealousmartini]

It's 21:09, or 9:09 pm on the 12 hr clock shifters. You know the drill. Let's shift.

∘₊ ✧───────────────────✧₊∘

Some stuff I have included in my kpop drs (Specifically O.M.G and MKB) that make them really special to me😫🥹❤️

000 :: Friendships and crushes

Around 2011 to 2018, companies like BIGHIT, Starship, and JYP were very lenient toward friendships with other K-pop idols opposite their gender. This is so special to me because I have THE LOUDEST MOUTH EVER when it comes to who I've got a crush on (looking directly at you wonyoung, jungkook, nayeon, jhope, chuu, taehyung, jimin, keeho, yeonjun, yoongi, sana, jin and namjoon) and who I am best friends with. (looking directly at you wonyoung, jungkook, nayeon, jhope, chuu, taehyung, jimin, keeho, yeonjun, yoongi, sana, jin and namjoon again.) Yeah i am best friends with idols i have crushes on If you couldn't tell. This basically gave me the freedom to talk my ass off about "Ooo wait whys San from ateez kindaa" or "NAH cus what do yall know about my goat min yoonfreak yo." And "No cus I've got the biggest girl crush on Jennie from blackpink right now"

All companies would only become stricter with this after 2019 due to fans complaining about dating rumours and feeling like the relationships are too close (girl I know like I've heard these complaints before) because they like the idea of their idols being single. This makes the 3rd generation of kpop even more precious due to how open idols were with who they were friends with.

Just to make this clear tho, no one in BTS has confirmed or explicitly admitted they have a crush on anyone in O.M.G (or MKB for that matter) they have only mentioned how "so and so" is really cool or subtle compliments like "blah blah is actually really pretty" but I will admit Taehyung mouth is almost as big as mine when it comes to who he likes lmao and sometimes he makes it a little obvious with the "subtle hints" he gives☠️☠️

001 :: Fun facts about O.M.G and MKB!

OMG and MKB are practically the same. One of the only things that differentiate them from each other is the way OMG and MKB was introduced to the KPOP industry.

O.M.G started off as an independent kpop group made by 6 girls for fun but then ended up being adopted by JYP in 2015 because of how much they had blown up in Korea and JYP saw a lot of potential in O.M.G, but even before then, they were widely known and loved amongst Koreans and most of the Western world. It started off as an animated girl group, all music, choreography, aesthetics, designs and art were made by me lol but the girls were basically of me and my 5 friends. They would debut the same year JYP adopted them and it would be in 2016 when O.M.G was officially recognised and accepted as a kpop group.

O.M.G would also be labelled as the experimental group because O.M.G wasn't made to be serious but for fun and because of how successful every era of O.M.G is. I mean literally not a single genre they have done has flopped they are just that good.

Now MKB is literally the same as them. 6 girls who body every and all Genres and concepts and aesthetics like it's nothing. Icons. But MKB wasn't a pre-existing group. JYP had put these 6 girls together and allowed them Creative freedom. This was an experiment made by him that would only come around ONCE and ONE TIME ONLY. He wanted to see what 6 girls could random make together and see if they would be a hit (he wanted to copy BTS lmao) thus why MKB is labelled as the female BTS because of how similar their aura and character was. No one can explain it but everyone gets it.

Both O.M.G and MKB's fanbases are called "Charmings," and their fans independently refer to the members as "Darlings"

How did the fanbases of O.M.G AND MKB even come to be? Literally 70% of Charmings are originally ARMYs. Because of this I frequently refer to my fanbase as CHARMYs

O.M.G and MKB when they aren't abbreviated? O.M.G stands for Oh My Gosh and MKB stands for MaKe-Believe.

002 :: Small appearances in other idols mvs and helping produce music

Randomly popping up as a background character in a kpop group's mv who I am close to isn't rare. Sometimes it's not very obvious, sometimes I am literally hiding in plain sight. I tend to try not to do it too much tho. I can't be THAT ACCESSIBLE..

I already make all of my music from scratch. So I thought it would be pretty cool if I git nosy and helped TWICE or ITZY with ad-libs and instrumentals. No this isn't an excuse to hangout with them more why tf would you accuse me of that.

[toreii]

Mortal Kombat 1: Khaos Reigns Review

Let me just preface this post by saying I’m still on the fence about sharing my thoughts. Like many, I am highly disappointed with the direction this DLC went. I would have never imagined this was in store for me last year during the summer when I first watched the Lin Kuei trailer. Khaos Reigns provoked two days of awful headaches followed by days of disillusion. Yes, NRS played me for a fool (thank god I did not purchase this). I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and it came to bite me in the ass. If I had a physical copy of the game, I’d chuck it in the trash. I’m finding it difficult to proceed forward which is hard because I like to see things through even if it sucks. All I can do is protect my vision of Bi-Han and staying true to the old lore as I try and move on.

That being said, to address my take on this expansion:

To begin, the elephant in the freaking room--Sektor and Cyrax.

I am a Lin Kuei fan overall. Not a big fan of him in general, but there has been appreciation for him and Cyrax throughout the years. When I learned that both were going to be genderbent, I had a little bit of misgivings suddenly changing things drastically. But, again, I gave NRS the benefit of the doubt. Since this is a new era, I was on board with it until the rumors started circulating about both being love interests for the brothers. I was like "That makes no sense whatsoever." To me, the Lin Kuei has always been like a brotherhood. In no given time, has there ever been any indication of personal relationships outside of camaraderie. For example, Cyrax and Smoke being vehemently upset over Bi-Han's death in MK9, and not just Kuai Liang.

The argument can be constantly made that this is a new timeline, and it's Liu Kang's creation over and over. But, when you have that man (Dominic) constantly saying the timelines are canon, but not really. But, still are. It's incredibly hard to take anything seriously right now especially with the constant flip flopping that man does for the sake of the current script. Which is another point, but back to the bastardization of our two Lin Kuei girls.

I wanted to believe in a strong, female Sektor, who has her own ideals which we can all clearly see. Like her past iterations, she lives, breathes, and bleeds Lin Kuei. I wanted to see a Sektor who slowly, but surely descended into her own madness of corruption as she pursued her goals for the Cyber Initiative. Sektor has always been known for his technological genius, and she would be no different. To see her potential constantly get staunched for her adulation and obsession for Bi-Han was hard to witness. I can understand that this may be a flaw for her, but it is a very shitty flaw. Because this one trait absolutely negates everything she stands for. I can see that both she and Bi-Han use each other to a certain extent where it seems fit. I know her horrible romance is the center of focus right now, but if you listen to her intros with Bi-Han, it seems to be all business between them. There is barely any indication that their relationship goes beyond the realm of the clan and into a personal tryst. Sektor calls it love, but it's not quite there. I mean, there's love for the grandmaster, but the love that seems to be implied between the two is not quite there. At least, in my view.

I don't know about Sektor yet, but I already deduced that Bi-Han isn't someone who's desperate to correct anyone on the spot. He doesn't have to. He doesn't owe anyone an explanation, so of course he runs with whatever people say about him. He's unbothered by anyone's opinions of him. When Kuai Liang told Cyrax the truth about Bi-Han letting their father die, Bi-Han could have stepped in at any given moment and contradicted Kuai Liang. Instead, he chose to own every word Kuai said. I've had this feeling since the end of the base campaign that Kuai Liang simply took pieces of what Bi-Han said, and spun them to fit his own narrative. (Killing your father and letting him die because of an accident are two completely different things.)

Anyways, going back to Sektor, that scene where Bi-Han's mind was being restored seems to be the only shoehorned indication that there is more to them than meets the eye. But, again, it was badly placed, badly presented as well. First of all, Sektor really should not have been there in that room at all. From a storytelling perspective, I'm supposed to believe that both Sektor and Bi-Han have this obsessive romance and codependency between each other in a few seconds of frames, than the brotherhood between Bi-Han, Kuai Liang, and Tomas??? And this was my worst fear for Bi-Han too. I did not want him to be "saved" by romance. I wanted his salvation to come from within himself as he reflected on his poor decisions and the tragedy of his downfall which sadly we were robbed and negated from. If the scene only involved Liu Kang, Bi-Han, and Kuai Liang, it would have been more poignant. There has always been that story between the two brothers. I understand, this is not the same Kuai of two timelines ago. But, why is MK: Onslaught's ScorpKuai a lot more wholesome than our MK1 iteration??? He was absolutely horrified meeting MK11 Noob. He couldn't understand why Bi-Han became Noob (and how). But, Kuai's first instinct in the DLC is to be absolutely pissed and disgusted? "Your new attire suits you. It is as black as your heart." Darling, no. I would have been more pleased seeing Kuai approach the table and have this conflicting expression. The hatred can still be there, but the concern and sorrow for whom was once family to him, and his eldest brother needed to be portrayed. I mean, we sort of got it with the whole coffin scene at the end. But, in that scene, in that moment, that more than Bi-Han reaching for Sektor and touching foreheads with her is a lot more powerful in terms of storytelling. I don't know why NRS is so against these two hashing it out and resolving their issues.

Now to Cyrax...oh my god...

According to Kuai Liang in the main story, Cyrax and Sektor were supposed to be absolutely loyal to Bi-Han and would abet his corruption than follow him. We obviously see that in Sektor, but what the hell happened to Cyrax? It leads me to believe that Dominic and others suddenly decided to change the script. Mind you, I firmly believe that they did so. Sektor and Cyrax being women in this game must've been a decision that came after everything was said and done for the base campaign. I'm a bit skeptical on Bi-Han suddenly turning on Cyrax because I do recall some time ago listening to some leaked audio in which Bi-Han says "Kuai Liang was supposed to give Cyrax back." It made me think "Oh shit. Does Cyrax get held hostage or something?" Like, what the hell happened? And, I'm realizing, are we missing dialogue now? There is so much that does not make sense!!! Why would they turn on her all of a sudden?!

She's supposed to be close to Bi-Han just as much as Sektor. And suddenly, Cyrax is presented as a free thinking individual who abides by her own ideals and tradition. The moment that is threatened, she feels like she can no longer follow Bi-Han and his ambitions. To make it worse, she feels so much remorse with Kuai Liang that she's ready to give up her life in penance to make up for it. It just makes no sense. And to make it worse, she spends the rest of the DLC following Kuai Liang like a little puppy ready to serve her new grandmaster. Why was she even presented as a strong individual when all she wants is Kuai Liang's adoration as well? Not to mention, it was a really gross line to include in the intros where Noob threatens to spill her relationship with Kuai Liang to Harumi. We're seriously cheapening these two women to typical high school romance tropes? Like others have expressed, this is fanfiction levels of madness.

Kuai Liang is all levels of messed up too. I am so sick and tired of him prancing around like he does no wrong, and everyone believes every word he says. Suddenly, he's the self appointed grand hero of the story when you have Liu Kang's champions sitting around and twiddling their thumbs? Why not place faith in them and send them with Kuai to resolve the current threat. I understand Kuai's Shirai Ryu is now the new protectors, but you also have these other people and beings who are preparing themselves as well for these upcoming threats. I hate that they just suddenly bled into the background, and disappeared completely. Somebody needs to not only knock Bi-Han but Kuai Liang as well a few pegs down. He too is not without his own flaws and they need to be addressed. And Liu Kang's line "Trust your wife. Avail yourself of her wisdom." The same thing with Sektor and Bi-Han. Here too. This fucking trope cannot be it. Love cannot only be the thing that saves the day. His anger, his vengeance, is no where near the levels of Hanzo. Hanzo legit had a reason to be like that. Kuai is literally throwing a bitch fit at Bi-Han, and pointing fingers anywhere but himself. Seriously, his anger and disgust against Cyrax was so unwarranted. And every time she was flustered and tried to explain, he barely gave her time to say a word. Always cutting her off, and rejecting her apologies until the end because it is implied Harumi stepped in. And he seems to just completely simmer down a bit in the presence of Noob. Where was the you who tried to take him on earlier in Chaosrealm? Suddenly, you don't feel like butting heads with your brother? Kuai Liang is such a hypocrite, and I'm tired of seeing it.

Liu Kang was also another that just got dragged through the mud. A lot of his words and actions did not make sense. He's content with disposing of Titan Shang Sung and Titan Quan Chi, but he won't let Bi-Han finish off Titan Havik because he isn't sure how he's tied to his timeline, and doesn't want to kill innocent lives? What about the timelines tied to the other two? Liu Kang had no problem ending those. Why is Titan Havik's timeline any different? Bi-Han is right. Why does that timeline matter when the most important one is theirs, Liu Kang's timeline? He tells Raiden and Kung Lao to do their best and pray they make it out alive, when Liu Kang could have better prepared them. Gets his ass handed to him, can't even go save Geras himself. Sends Kuai, Cyrax, and Sektor to Chaosrealm in blindly. And, snaps at Bi-Han for the most part towards the end instead of having a meaningful talk with him. Not just simply telling him "This is what you are meant to do. Defend Earthrealm." Well, geez, why not elaborate on that, Liu Kang? Can't you give Bi-Han a few minutes of your time to air out grievances and come to a consensus?

And what the hell happened to Titan Havik? Is he dead? Does he still live? Trapped in the void? The Kamidogu were briefly mentioned, and then dropped. They were hyped to be of importance in this DLC. I'm certain they'll make their return eventually if NRS continues the story involving Onaga when the time comes. But, Havik had plans for them as well. And we only see him fusing with the Kamidogu. That final fight with him felt pretty lackluster. Just a regular match like any other.

We are definitely missing script, and scenes. We were supposed to have gotten a whole lot more. Ed Boon said this was their project for the next few years. I suppose they felt compelled not just to omit certain things, but cut out others for future DLCs. This was setup to be more than what we got. The bar absolutely fell short of what the end product was. To charge full price is absolutely heinous. I'm sorry, but I do not have $50 on hand for each DLC that they plan to release. They charged full price for the main game, and now they plan to do so for every little story line that comes after? I can't in good conscious support this kind of marketing. I'm devastated with the story. Like, I could work and make sense and justify every decision made with the main story to a degree. I can't do the same with Khaos Reigns.

I know I was making gifs of Bi-Han last week, but after KR...my heart right now really isn't in MK1. Every time I come across posts and remotely start thinking about it, I get headaches. They are not as bad as they initially were, but this is how horribly this DLC affects me. It keeps giving me headaches. I know I probably regurgitated the same sentiments and ideas as many others have already. But, a friend told me it would be cathartic to do this. So, instead of my journal, I am here expunging these thoughts and emotions. I don't know what my future with the brand will entail, but godspeed NRS. I wish you well on your future endeavors, and that's really saying a lot on my end. I can't even hope anymore. They massacred my heart and left me to die just like papa Lin Kuei (I wish we had a name for him).

[jenniferswhor3]

i meant it - jj maybank

summary; drunk jj confessed his feeling

warnings; mentions of throw up, jj being drunk, fluff

authors note; back in my obx era

masterlist | obx masterlist

——————

whenever jj got drunk, his emotions would be all over the place.

sometimes he’s get really hyped up and want to do some crazy shit. other times he’s get emotional about the smallest thing.

the one emotion nobody knew about was his lovey dovey side. well, nobody expected you.

it happened one night when you were sitting in your bed reading. it was around 2 am and you were ready to turn out your bedside light and fall asleep.

startled out of your half asleep state, jj had appeared at your window opening it. you sat there, half confused and half still startled, watching jj attempt to climb through your window. he looked like a baby deer being born.

jj ends up tripping by getting his foot caught on the ledge of the window and face planted on your, thankfully, carpeted floor.

with a groan from jj, ass up in the air and face still planted on the floor, you finally get up out of your bed. “what the hell are you doing, jj?!”

he rolled over flat on his back. “i jus’ wan’ed to come overrrr.” he slurred with a dopey smile. he was obviously drunk.

“are you drunk?!” dumb question. “nevermind don’t answer that.”

you extend you arm out to help and jj responds by holding both arms out like a big baby. you attempted to pull jj up but he ended up helping himself up.

after he was upright, he ended up leaning right back on you. “mmm, i missed you.” his arms wrapped around you waist. yours hesitantly wrapped around his neck.

“okay jj. you are obviously drunk and you need to sleep.” jj groaned in response.

his dopey smile had returned as he pushed himself off you and started undressing himself. you could t help but stare and unconsciously bite your lip. jj’s eyes were half closed so he couldn’t see you.

it was just a small crush on your best friend. nothing dramatic. definitely no longing stares while he looked away. none of those girly giggles whenever he said anything. and definitely no daydreaming about the two of you on a boat ride… half naked… and kissing.

“okay,” you draw out as he started to take off his cargo shorts. “let’s keep the shorts on. you cuddle up in my bed and i’ll go get you a glass of water.”

his response was a short moan and he flopped right onto your bed. his bare back lay perfectly on display and his muscles were perfectly sculpted as always. as tempted as you were to sit and stare at his back all night, you were set on getting your best friend some water.

turning on the kitchen light, you head to the cup cabinet and fill it up in the sink.

while waiting for the cup to fill up, you feel a pair of muscular arms wrap around you waist and a head bury itself in your neck. “come back upstairs.” jj’s voice whines into your neck, tickling your neck.

jj has always been touchy with you. kie says it’s because he likes you but you never believe her. he always pulled your legs in his lap and rubbed you legs. or he’d have his head on you shoulder and played with your fingers. but you never thought it meant anything.

after filling up the cup, you grabbed a bottle of aspirin from the junk drawer and headed back to your room with jj hot on your tail.

“drink this.” you handed jj the cup of water as he sat on your bed. he reluctantly took the glass from your hand and drank only a sip.

“not thirsty.” he mumbled setting the glass down. he swiftly grabbed your waist and pulled you down on top of him. the position was awkward. “jj let me properly get in bed.” you crawled up onto your bed and get yourself under your covers; so did jj.

his head curled up in your chest while his limbs tangled themselves around you. “you’re so warm. how are you so warm, like, all the time?”

you let out a small giggle, “i don’t know, j.”

eventually, jj fell asleep to the quiet sounds of the office playing on your tv and your nails scratching in a rhythmic pattern.

fast forward to now, jj was spinning in your desk chair, drunk, of course. he was previously dissecting each part of his motorbike and explaining why it’s useful. that was until he got distracted after explain the tires and started spinning in your desk chair.

“jj, if you don’t stop you’re gonna make yourself throw up.” as if you saw the future, jj made a bee line to your bathroom.

you cringed while he groaned and flushed the toilet. he walked out and apologized. “it’s okay, jj. it happens.” you walked into the bathroom and pulled out a unused toothbrush. you had kept a couple incase this ever happened to one of your friends.

after he finished brushing his teeth, he crawled into bed with you where you flicked on the office. it had become a favorite of jj’s.

his head lay on your chest, his new favorite spot. he felt most at comfort whenever you’d twirl his hair or scratch his back.

jj’s mind was still hazy; he was only tipsy now. not all of what he was saying was well thought out or even a structured sentence. but he always said what he meant.

you were both half asleep by the time jj spoke his last words for the night. “i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too, j.” you had thought he meant it in a friendly manor, like what you guys say to all of your other friends.

“no. i mean it, i really do.” his eyes stayed shut and he was half mumbling his words into your neck. “ever since 5th grade.”

you sighed. there’s no way he was telling the truth. “tell me that again in the morning j. when you’re sober.” he let out a small groan signifying and ‘okay’.

the sun shines through your white curtains, only waking you up. jj could sleep through a whole fire.

you were stood in your bathroom, getting ready for the day, when you could see jj stir awake out of the corner of your eye.

he groaned, his head pounding. his eyes still closed and head still buried in the pillow, “i meant it.” it was low enough that you could hear it from your bathroom.

a smile spread across you face, “really?”

“really.” he replied.

for the rest of that day, you and jj curled up in your bed together watching the office. his head on your chest and your fingers tangled in his hair. it was perfect.

you sighed. there’s no way he’s telling the truth. “tell me in the morning, j.

with a generous look in his eyes, jj went to hug you but you put a hand in his chest to stop him. “not until you brush your teeth.” a with a small whine, jj did just that.

sooner or later, jj fell asleep to the quiet sound of your tv and the way your nails scratched his back.

he turned over and nuzzled himself

[secret-subject]

How does it feel like to be hypnotized?

I find this question to be a hard one to answer. Loaded with subjection and people get very hung up on the details sometimes. It's funny because everyone experiences it differently, we know this. Everyone is different and responds to different things and ways to play with hypnosis. But what I also find interesting is how trance can feel different:

With different people

On different days

At different times

Let me explain.

So lately I've gotten back into listening to files, (recs later if you ask nicely) because after getting on medication for depression back in 2019 it felt weird to be hypnotized myself and I didn't really need it as much as I had previously. Now I've been off those meds for a long time and am now on stuff for my adhd instead so I thought I would give it another try and, it feels very different. Pre-2019 trance for me felt like a mixture of "blacking out" and "being really drunk", everything got really hazy and I would just sort of fade into the void. I've had experiences which felt more like an out of body situation. I dissociated so hard I just wasn't in there anymore for a little while, I had others that were just light and I could easily come up at anytime and chose not to. Because of my general training I was very easy, super suggestible and with the right people a lot of fun apparently. It has never been super consistent and it took years of dedicated practice to be like this. I think a lot of the time when people would see me hypnotized before people would assume that's just how I am, but I've been doing this stuff for years to get any result. Especially in skills like amnesia, body catelepsy, and even getting thoughts out of my brain and basic in and out of trance, getting "deeper" each time. But coming back with a proper diagnosis on my neurodivergence and the right meds changed the feelings I used to have ans has evolved them.

So right now, I've noticed a few things. The trance is less consistent and this is good? It's good because it tells me that well the conditioning is now less "overall brain is getting more sticky" like it would before and now "brain is very much more sticky but only for the ones who put work in or who I listen to a lot". I have a bit of a voice thing and I'm very picky so this works out when now adays I tend to also listen to my hypnosis creators friends work, it's easier and it could also be a rapport thing. I know them so I know that I can trust them to be safe and also I know I can back out when I need to. I've also worked a TON on subject agency since when I was younger I was very much a pushover when it came to hypnosis. Being a dominant full time now for the last three years after my switch era helped with this. I've gotten very good at saying no and highly recommend this is a skill we all learn, even though it can be a hard one to get started with. So yes, I know I can wake up any time (with most people) but I just don't want to. So when I'm listening to files I now notice the different people feel different. Some I find more relaxing, others I find more of that focus depending on what they say and how targeted the audio seems to be at me and my brains working mechanisms. If you tell me to "focus" and "listen" it's like a switch goes off in my brain and I'm there, versus a more permissive, relaxing vibe which tends to take more time to really get to me. This also changes on a day to day basis, but I think it's like compounding conditioning that clearly is building over time with practicing and training to certain voices.

The feeling started as what is very similar to my hyperfocus mode I go into on the daily with my adhd. It's intensely focused to the point where nothing else matters, and sometimes my eyes don't close on their own and almost wait to be told to "drop" or to close them on instinct. I'm very bad at relaxing into trance. I now notice my body flopping (being so relaxed I just flop over somewhere) a bit like it used to but not all the time. Sometimes this feeling is more like I'm frozen in place. I've even dropped into trance holding my phone lately and when I woke up i was still holding it in perfect place or practiced sitting up in trance, it's like a freeze trigger no one had to impliment. I've learned I can be just as "deep" of not "deeper" with my eyes open and in a sort of mid/waking trance state. I also noticed sometimes my eyes do still roll, so that's kind of cute.

Yesterday, I had a really intense trance experience, probably the most intense I've ever had in 12 years of doing this. It was literally seconds of it, the words happened and they hit me, my eyes were open the whole time but super blurred and I couldn't see anything clearly. I just sat there but it literally felt like a giant wave of pressure hit me and I was just in it. This insanely incredible force washed through me and I just went down so fast I didn't have time to think about it and it was just a couple words. It was like being just frozen in time with the pressure encapsulating you and it wouldn't let go. Normally I would have forgotten this (because my memory play is very well trained and I have a brain like a sieve because adhd) but I could remember it clearly, the feeling I mean, the stuff outside of how I felt is very blurry. I don't know or am able to remember what was said to do it, it just was and that was very interesting to know that in my years of doing hypnosis from both sides, that these feelings are still evolving for me.

Anyway, what does trance feel like for you? Does it change for you? And what kind of practice are you doing to get those feelings? I'd love to hear from people!

[maoxyi]

To let go (part 8)

“…I wanted to stop him for the future…”

Luffys eyes squeeze shut as he lays his head on Aces shoulder.

“…there’s so many who can help you…”

He doesn’t want to hear them anymore.

“…let’s go home…”

Neither of them.

“Luffy.” He blinks his eyes open slowly but makes no move to sit up. “C’mon Lu, isnt it time to get up?” Ace says to him as Sabo kneels down to look into his sleepy eyes. Luffy thinks about it for a moment. For just a few seconds before pouting. Just being around his brothers makes him feel so small. He feels a childish spark zap through him and it’s almost as though they’re kids again. He pouts and squeezes his eyes closed.

“No.” He replied simply, feeling a bubble of pride in him.

“Now Luffy, you gotta get up.”

“No.”

“Luffy…” Sabo sighs exasperatedly and Ace laughs. He sees his crew on the ship when he opens one eye. He sees Usopp fishing with Chopper as Brook leans over to watch. Sanji hands the girls some beverages and turns to fight Zoro who did absolutely nothing. Franky was chatting with Jinbe and they let out a laugh that’s carried over to him by the breeze. Before he can take a look towards Law, Sabos pouting face comes into view.

“Luffy… my arm is nuuuuuuumb!” Ace complains. Luffy reaches around his brother and pulls him onto the sand earning a loud ‘oof!’ from Ace. Sabo cackles at them but doesn’t count for the fact that Luffy reaches over and drags him to the ground with them. Sabo let’s out a high pitched wail as he flops over his laughing brothers and Luffy has never felt like this. He doesn’t think he’s felt this whole for a long time. This full of pure, clear love for his big family. Pirate king becomes a secondary dream in his mind when he feels his brothers and crew surround him. He wishes this is how it ended. He wishes this was his world. This was the reality he would eventually return to.

“Luffy you’re such an idiot.” Ace chuckles. Luffy snorts at him.

“You’re the bigger idiot.”

“No you.”

“No. You.”

“You both are absolute dumbasses.” Sabo pipes up, as he stares at them. They stick their tongue out to him. Luffy sees Usopp and Chopper look over to them and smile. They wave. He waves back at them. They lay there for a while, bathing in the sun on the Amazon Lily beach. Ace huffs.

“Sabo, you’re heavy.”

“That I am Ace. I am a muscular man after all.”

“Not as much as me though.”

“No, no definitely more than you. I don’t need to be shirtless to show it.”

“…That isn’t the point asshole, get off I am literally suffocating.”

“Good. Die.”

“I just escaped death and here you are trying to kill me again.”

“Yes. Die.” Sabo smiles politely and Luffy howls with laughter as his brothers try to wrestle each other though it was more of Ace flailing to hit Sabo who simply refused to move. He looks up at the sky.

“So… what are you going to do now?” He asks. They both pause and look at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… what are Ace and Sabo going to do now? That it’s over basically?”

“Well…” Ace starts and looks at the Sunny. “Pops has decided… to disband the Whitebeard pirates…” Luffy sits up immediately. This… this isn’t good. What should be bizarre is that Whitebeard even survived… but the fact that he himself disbanded them… huh.

“What?”

“It’s true. Of course I asked Marco if they refused. Of course they did. Why wouldn’t they? He told them though. He can’t…” Ace took a deep breath and Sabo sits up off of them. “…He can’t keep going anymore. He can’t keep leading us. He told us that after the close call of Marineford, it- it really showed him, he says, that the old era is over. The new era has risen and he’d rather be alive to witness it.”

“Ace…” Sabo puts his hand on his shoulder. Luffy stares. He’s unsure. Of course this never happened but…

“It’s ok Ace! Your old man is still alive right? That’s all that matters!” He knows there’s no need because he has to leave. He has to go home. He’s forgetting his crew is waiting for him. He’s forgetting. He’s forgetting…

“Yeah I guess… but it’s ok because Marco says that he’s going with him to a place where he knows they’ll be safe. Everyone else told me that…” Ace clears his throat. “That they’ll be ok. That we’ll see each other again soon. They’re going their separate ways.”

“I’m sorry… you didn’t go with them because of me didn’t you…” Luffy looks down. He feels horrible because he doesn’t feel bad about it.

“Nah of course I would stay with you! My little brother needs me! Of course you have your crew but I’m a big brother. It’s what I do.”

“Hey I’m here too!” Sabo pouts before turning to Luffy and smirks. “He was crying by the way. Him and the Whitebeard pirates were crying. So hard.”

“SHUT UP!”

“They were practically wailing and it took three hours for them to hang up.”

“ITS NOT TRUE SHUT UP!”

“It’s true and Whitebeard was laughing so hard. He even told Ace to shut up and hang up already.”

“Oh my goooooooddddddddddd-“

“Sounds about right.”

“LUFFY.”

“Anyways,” Luffy turns to Sabo, completely ignoring Aces glare. “What about you?”

“Well…” Sabo begins and looks into the forest. This felt like deja vu. “I told Dragon I would be spending some time away. There’s something I want to do. He was a little hesitant at first but he heard me out and agreed with me.”

“Oh…” Luffy looks down, regret for not regretting.

“No no, Lu. I decided this.” He looks at Ace who nods. “Actually, there’s something we wanted to talk to you about.”

And Luffy doesn’t know why he’s so scared. He doesn’t know why he shakes slightly. He has to grab his own hand. He’s never been so worried. Never. He isn’t ready for what this fake reality will tell him. He isn’t but… at the end of the day he’s still scared.

“Luffy.” Ace smiles at him with Sabo grinning excitedly. “We wanted to ask you-“

“Can we join you’re crew?”

And Luffy doesn’t think he’d ever be as surprised as he is right now for the rest of his life.

[gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan]

My Father Told Me

Author’s note: Zariel in Husbandry

Summary: He assesses Keed for the Bizzare time Loss his brother had. Then brings him to one of the Librarius Alpha legionaries he knows for mental assessment.

Warnings: Let me know if I need to add anything else

Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams

Tagged: @sleepyfan-blog, @ms--lobotomy , @thevoidscreams, @i-am-a-dragon34, @gra93fruit-blog

Zariel was in his Ultramarine Apothecary disguise with Keed came into the clinic. He not-watched as his brother signed in and got the check in paperwork completed.

He just so happened to be free to take Keed back with him to the room as he assessed his brothers condition. His physical condition was decent- but he was healing from something that had happened to him recently.

"You're well on your way from healing from a light concussion," Zariel tells Keed.

"... I don't remember getting into a scrap, or falling hard enough to get one." Keed says baffled, honest, and nervous at the same time.

Zariel keeps a professional demeanor on, but his brother is also an Alpha legionary and can read into even the slightest of tells and grows more worried.

"I've sent a message to Tarsol," Zariel says, "You have a check in with him in an hour."

"I see," Keed says with a slight wince. "Where?"

"The park near Main and cherry tree." Zariel says with a hum as he writes a few more things down.

"I'll head out once we are done here, sir." Keed replies.

Getting checked over by an Alpha legionary psyker is usually unpleasant. Getting very little mental privacy as they root around your brain is terribly unpleasant, but necessary, unfortunately, due to ... the loss of time he's experienced.

Zariel gives him a mostly clean bill of health, he's not supposed to go on patrol or missions until he's been cleared by a Chaplain and a Libarius. The Chaplain is going to take a while to get here. Ugh.

Alpha legionary Chaplains are very rare on Ancient Terra, then aren't all that common in any Future Era too. Very necessary for the running of the legion, like a specialists.

Keed gets to the specified park and flops down in the shade of the trees. The day is pleasant, sun with some clouds, enough wind to keep the heat from being unpleasant.

"Ah- hello there," A voice calls out and he cracks open an eye to look at the Salamander-looking fellow.

"Hi," Keed says, "I'm Kesto, what's your name?"

"I'm So'val," the Salamander responds, before using a seemingly normal sentence, but is a code phrase among Alpha legionaries.

Keed responds to the phrase correctly, and the pair of them have a pleasant getting to know each other conversation as the Librarian not-probes his brain to see what he can find in his head.

Once the happenstance meeting ends, So'val says, "It was nice meeting you, I hope we get to see each other again soon."

"That would be nice," Keed responds, "I like meeting new people and friends."

The Salamander nods before heading off. Keed waits for the other to be out of hearing range before swearing. He'd noticed that Tarsol had looked concerned. Fuck.

He gets a message from Zariel a few minutes, and winces, he's going to have to head to the nearest Alpha legion base to be checked and monitored.

He'd been fucked with psyhic-wise and that could mean that some of his Alpha training could activate, or twist, or he could have been embedded with a fucking bomb and they wouldn't know until they monitored him for a while and watched to see if anything was triggered.

He's not going to be able to be near Lana for months at this rate. He'd rather not be a potential threat to her, even if it sucks. He heads to the base and helps out with paperwork and training the younger brothers.

Keed wonders if there are any Primaris Marine Alpha legionaries or not. He knows that they are all hybrids, so it's likely that there are some with Alpharius and Omegon's geneseed within them.

[two-white-butterflies]

two white butterflies | d. targaryen

Description: He begins dating a singer, and you kinda hate the spotlight. Pairing: accomplished!daemon targaryen/singer!reader.

"How do you even open this?" you gruff while attempting to open the bottle of wine sitting aimlessly on your countertop. Daemon, your boyfriend of eight years, lets out a chuckle - watching with amusement while you struggle with opening the merlot. "If you need my help, tell me." he takes a casual sip of his black coffee.

His independent girl.

"I can do it," you encourage yourself while gathering all the strength you can muster in taking the cork off. It was supposed to be easy because of the tool - but it only made it feel harder. After a few more seconds of struggling, you finally give in.

You take a step towards him - poking his sides slightly and his attention is torn from the newspaper. "Can you help me?" you flash him those puppy eyes and he hums, taking the bottle and the unscrewer from your hands - opening the bottle with ease.

"Why are you drinking so early in the morning, princess?" he asked, returning his attention back to the newspaper. A small sigh escapes your mouth, remembering the current problem on your hands. "I feel like - I'm entering my flop era," you complain, pouring yourself a glass of wine. His eyebrows merged into each other.

"Meaning?" he inquired - not fully versed with the slang.

"I've finally reached the point in my career where no one gives a fuck about me." you breathed, remembering the speech that your manager gave about streaming numbers - and how you didn't have enough. "I give a fuck about you," he whispered, forgetting about the newspaper for a moment and wrapping his arms around you.

"I give a fuck about you too," you lean into his touch - and he begins to bury his face on the crook of your neck.

There was a niche part of the music industry that belonged solely to you - but with the revolutions in music, the fans have forgotten about you. They've forgotten about their aesthetic roots of americana.

"- I feel pressured right now, the label is counting on me to come up with songs." you rant, knowing that failure was about to follow you. This was about to be your fourth studio album - and everyone knows about the 'fourth' curse. "We'll come up with songs together," he promised, pressing a soft kiss on your collarbone.

He'd do everything to make you happy.

(your full name): 'White Dress' out at 12 AM EST. makeup by @archiemakeup photo by @professordaemontargaryen

1,239 comments 129,374 likes

tyronebelmonte: NO WAY BECAUSE THE GUY WHO TOOK THE PHOTO IS MY PROFESSOR 🤩

y/nworld: w'ere so excited 🧡

Another sigh escapes your mouth seeing the numbers on your instagram. Only a hundred thousand likes - nothing compared to the millions you had when you were starting out.

Daemon takes the phone out of your hands.

"Stop checking it," he commanded, closing your phone and settling it down the night table. He hates the way that your eyes held nothing but sadness in it nowadays. "- numbers don't matter, your voice and your songs sound amazing." he added - complimenting you and pressing soft kisses on your lips.

Part of the reason he fell for you - was because of your voice.

It was akin to a siren.

"I'm too old for this," you pout, burying your face in his chest.

It was nice when you were eighteen - but now that you were twenty-eight. You were 'nearing' expiration simply because they couldn't fetishize your age anymore.

"Darling, you're 28 and I'm 35 - you're too young for this. Believe me." he hummed, placing a strand of your hair away from your face.

spongebobmultifandom: Missing this era of Y/N L/N, now she's just 💀...ion wanna talk.

12,890 comments 234,912 likes

kingdomfall_7: she kinda looks too old now 😭

bitchesandbananas9123: I thought I was the only one lol

(your full name): if you don't have anything good to say, please keep your mouth shut. 😊

"A fucking hatepost has more likes than my actual post," you rant - throwing your phone loudly on the mattress. Tears began flowing out of your eyes while your lover does his best to comfort you. "Hey," he wrapped his arms around you - thinking that it would be enough to bring you to reality.

"If you want to run away from this - I have no complaints." he suggested, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

Running away was going to be the bravest thing you've ever done.

y/nworld_whitedressera: "This is going to be the last song I sing for all of you. I had a fun time changing everything and writing songs that I shared, but this is the end of the line." - Y/N L/N while singing "Nothing New" in Taylor Swift's Eras Tour.

189 comments 177,003 likes

(your full name): Releasing the deluxe version of Blue Bannisters, with bonus song "Violets for Roses".

17,293 comments 1,369,203 likes

madelinediaz: I'm about to throw hands, who hurt mom?

y/nlover: NOT YA'LL MAKING MY AESTHETIC COCAINE PRINCESS QUIT HER JOB 😭 I DON'T WANNA GO BACK TO LISTENING TO RAP MUSIC

ShakiraFAN: The song is so sad, we're gonna miss you 🥺

Y/N L/N, WHERE IS SHE NOW?

The songstress had a blossoming career and a cult-like following, however she suddenly fell of the grid after her grammy winning song 'White Dress.'

According to insiders, the singer couldn't handle the hate that comes with fame - and the music industry's double standards.

She is currently married to Dr. Daemon Targaryen M.D. P.hD and is living in Spain. "I'm happier than ever and I'm still writing songs, but now - he's the only one allowed to listen." the former-singer reports.

y/nworld: ppl in her label say that there was supposed to be another album after "Blue Bannisters" named "Chemtrails Over the Country Club" AND WE DIDN'T HAVE THE CHANCE TO HEAR IT.

maybe_y/n: listened to her leaked album (toaster quality recording) and now the only thing i want is for it to be published (it never will)

part two is how to disappear

@watercolorskyy

[possession1981-moving]

Can you believe I recently (well, over a month ago now definitely, but I'm lazy so let's ignore that) hit 5000 followers on this blog because I sure cannot. Either way, I did and I am soooo sososososoooo grateful for ever single person who follows me and who appreciates my dumb jokes (such as this perfectly on-brand, tacky, campy, ridiculous but beautifully made gif of Shinee) and who reblogs my gifs and edits, especially when you put very very sweet comments in the tags it's a joy to be able to have a space to share my little creations that may not really mean much to the outside world but they do to ME.

Anyways! As a token of my appreciation I have decided to do a little gif request event which will be open until I say it's not anymore tbh... No set time limit we'll just see how my stamina is I suppose. The request rules will be at the bottom of this post. However, first I want to give a quick shoutout to SOME of my most beloved mutuals who make scrolling on this stupid website so much better. (As you know, there's a cap on how many tags we can add to posts, so to those mutuals who may not be mentioned here know that I love you SOOOOOOO much still, and I kith u!)

@aintgonnadance 🖤 @awek-s 🖤 @baeseongyeob 🖤 @berryjaellie 🖤 @byunbaekhyunie 🖤 @catchmewjsn 🖤 @cheolmatez 🖤 @dokyeomini 🖤 @dongkwan 🖤 @duovxq 🖤 @exidtual 🖤 @filmopen 🖤 @flops 🖤 @gaykey 🖤 @glowinseong 🖤 @got7 🖤 @hoshifromkpop 🖤 @hozierbyrne 🖤 @hwangcha 🖤 @hwiyoungies 🖤 @hyunpic 🖤 @hyunseungs 🖤 @jeonwonwoo 🖤 @jikyu 🖤 @juyeonis 🖤 @kangyeosaang 🖤 @kyubins 🖤 @librapropaganda 🖤 @moonsua 🖤 @notyuta 🖤 @park-doha 🖤 @ryudaeng 🖤 @seonghwasblr 🖤 @shnryjn 🖤@smartrabbit 🖤 @smingi 🖤 @sodacreams 🖤 @stepmom 🖤 @sunmisbf 🖤 @sunwoonie 🖤 @taeminie 🖤 @taeminnomuyeppeo 🖤 @wantbytaemin 🖤 @yejiswife 🖤 @yirenz 🖤 @yoohyeontual 🖤 @yukuz 🖤 @yunkyoung 🖤 @yunwooz 🖤 @yutaslaugh

REQUEST EVENT RULES AND REGULATIONS I will be taking three kinds of requests for this event! Two are music video requests, and the third is a fun option if you want a surprise.

Full music video - this is exactly what it sounds like. You may request that I gif any kpop music video, however I reserve the right to choose not to gif it if it's an artist or group I don't want to gif (I won't list them, but it's a pretty standard group), or I can't find a file that lets me gif to the standard I want to keep.

Member music video - very similar to the former, you may request gifs of any single member of a group from a specific music video and I shall be at your command, although the same reservations as above apply. Since these are much faster to do than full mv sets, they are preferred over the latter.

My favourite x - this is the option if you want to venture outside of music videos, and it's here because my beloved Eri suggested it. You may request gifs of my favourite of whatever you want. Favourite hairstyle on x idol? Favourite era of x group? Favourite styling for x group? etc. etc. The same reservations as above apply, however. Don't ask me for my favourite beet member.

Okay, that's all I think! Please send asks via my ask box only, and please have some patience because well, I'm mentally ill. Requests are open for anyone who wants to send one, and I take them on anon as well. Once again, thank you soooooooo much for the 5k I love you all.

[apostaterevolutionary]

The genuine stress I am experiencing waiting for final verdicts on veilguard is actually embarassing lmfao like pls why am I having very real anxiety over whether a video game will live up to my dreams about it or not. Why couldn't I have the math autism, what the fuck is this madness sdklsd

(This is a long personal rant about my own personal anxieties from a person who has not played the game yet and is waiting until people start finishing it cause I need to go in with the correct expectations or else I risk ruining the entire franchise for myself forever and I cannot do that)

Like okay I'm not doubting that it's commercially successful and a lot of people like it. That's great. I'm happy about that. But also. There's a lot of very successful games I personally don't like? I really disliked Hades for example. It's boring and repetitive and the combat is all just button mashing and I don't get the appeal at all. But it's a very successful game - obviously I am the outlier and that's fine. I have no problem with that. But any game that's ever compared in any way to Hades is one I won't buy cause I really, really didn't like it

I don't like soulsbournes either - unless they have difficulty settings and a strong narrative (respawn's star wars games are about the only ones I like tbh, and even then I do find the combat gets too repetitive at a certain point after completing the main story. Not too much that it's bad, but just by that point I'm avoiding enemies a lot cause I just want to get that last collectible gdi, stop spawning fucking stormtroopers all over the place lmao). But that's another genre of game that I just don't personally like even thought other people do. Elden Ring was massive and it's not that the people who like it are wrong, it's just that tastes vary and I don't enjoy that kind of experience

So when people compare veilguard to god of war (never played) or mass effect (games I like, but are a very different play experience than dragon age and I've always preferred DA by a lot for a reason) I'm like. Well okay you keep saying it's a good game, but is it a good dragon age game? Does it feel like dragon age? Am I going to open it up and go ah, yes, I'm home, or is it going to be like coming to a place I always used to go and finding everything's different and it's just a barely recognizable shadow of what I remember? Will it feel the way I want it to feel? Will it feel like the thing that defined several years of my life and fundamentally changed me as a person or will it feel like a stranger?

(Yes, I know it's "just a video game", but we don't always get to choose what matters to us and annihilation comes for us all, so let little shit matter to people okay)

And then I see people saying how bioware hasn't been an rpg studio since inquisition and anyone expecting an rpg was an idiot and like. Wait, wtf do you mean you all weren't expecting the newest released in a very well-known rpg series to be a fucking rpg??? Like yeah. Mass effect isn't but it never has been - it's always been a shooter with some rpg elements. Anthem wasn't either but anthem was a weird one off that flopped really bad. So yeah. I expected veilguard to be an rpg. If anything, my fear was they'd lean into inquisition's style a bit too much, as it was a very successful game at the time (won game of the year!) and even if a lot of us bitch about its flaws now, no one can deny it was successful. So yeah. I guess I was one of the "idiots" who can't let go of bioware's era of making amazing rpgs because that's what I started playing their games for. To wait 10 years for what sounds like is a massive genre pivot (and yes, I know it was originally an online game but I figured they'd pivot back to what they know they do well rather than entirely new territory) is... idk man, it feels bad

And like. I guess it's fine if veilguard cannot be called a dragon age game in terms of mood and feel. It's allowed to be that. But 1) ngl that is a disappointment to me and 2) like, that changes the way I approach playing it. If some of the rumours/vague hints/possible spoilers I've read are true, then I won't be able to play it like a dragon age game, I'll have to play it as a mass effect game. And like. Again, I like mass effect, but there's a reason I've played the trilogy only a few times and the DA games like over a dozen for origins and DA2. ME is just an inherently more stressful experience and that's all fine and good, but again, if it was an ME game, that would make more sense, the expectations are different for the two series'. Is it really so wrong to want a DA game to feel like DA? Or to be upset if it doesn't? Like yes, if I buy an apple I want an apple, and even if I like oranges, I don't think it's wrong to be upset if I bite into my apple and boom, it's just an orange inside, you know. It's not that oranges are bad, it's that I wanted an apple and expected an apple considering the sign said "apples"

And of course all of this might be alleviated by playing it but 1) again, these games matter to me and if I'm too disappointed, it can ruin everything for me and I don't want that - I've literally been thinking about a DA2 tattoo for the last couple years and this game suddenly coming out is the only reason I didn't get it this fall (and like, if I go in knowing it's not gonna be xyz, then I can deal with it, but I need to know first), and 2) it costs $80 of canada's own dollars lmao like. Yeah, you can get a refund on steam games if you don't like them, but you gotta play less than 2 hours and I don't think that's going to be enough to say for sure

Anyway, idk, this is a thought dump cause idk how to feel and I am just desperately waiting for some unbiased (or, rather, biased in the particular way I am biased lmao) final game opinions and in conclusion:

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[m-jelly]

Chapter 6

Thank you @ladycheesington for the perfect banner

Vampire Levi x fem!reader

Victorian era like world, vampires, secrets, romance, falling in love, vampire lore, sexual tension, possessive Levi, protective Levi

This chapter: Levi sets you a task of spending a certain amount of money by the end of the day, or you'll be punished. You go on a shopping spree and meet Queen Rosaline and butt heads. You come home to a cuddly Levi and get a nice reward. You meet Levi's parents and Levi meets yours in a fun and sweet reunion.

Part 7

Levi leaned on his desk as he stared at you. He smiled a little as you whined and shifted on the spot. “I know you can do it, my darling. You have the skills to do so.”

You pouted a little. “I don’t think I can.”

“I believe in you. You’re a good girl.”

You crouched in front of his desk and gripped the edge of it. “Levi.”

He chuckled as he looked over his desk at you. “Come on, darling. You can manage. I believe in you.”

You stared at him. “What are the consequences if I don’t?”

“You’ll be placed on a ban.”

“What kind of ban?”

He smirked. “I won’t kiss you, touch you or hold you for three days.”

You tapped your forehead against the desk. “That’s mean. No sex, right?”

“Right.”

You flopped onto your side on the floor. “So mean.”

He got up and walked around to you. “It’s not that much.”

“It’s a lot of money.”

He hummed a laugh as he played with your hair. “All you need to do is spend a couple of hundred gold on yourself by the end of the day. I’ll reward you if you do.”

You rolled onto your back and sighed. “Levi.”

He crawled over you and looked down at you. “Darling, my love, my soon-to-be wife. You can do it. I believe in you. I know it’s hard to spoil yourself, but you can do it.”

“Mm.”

He kissed you and smiled. “Listen, my love. Do you hate the Queen?”

You pouted. “Yes!”

He chuckled. “Good. Well, think of it this way. Do you want to piss her off? You want to say fuck you to her?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

“Then buy the best dresses ever that show off your sexy body.”

You blushed a little. “You’re right, but it is a lot of money.”

He pulled back from you and sat up. He yanked you against him and held you tightly. “You’ve got this.”

You stood up and sighed. “I will go.” You walked to the door and paused a moment. “Wait a moment…” You turned and looked over at him. “You’re really hoping I pass. It’ll be hard for you if I don’t.”

Levi growled. “Yes.”

You hummed a laugh. “I’ll go shopping with all this gold.”

He walked over to you and handed you a bag of coins. “Good luck, my love.”

You played with the bag and hummed in thought. “Can I buy something for you?”

He cupped your face and kissed your forehead. “No. You must spend all of it on things that make you happy.”

You gazed into his eyes. “But spending money on you would make me happy.”

“That’s cute, but no spending on me.”

You released a long sigh. “Okay, okay.” You slipped out of his study and moved down the hall to see your maid was waiting for you. You let her put on your cape and walked outside into the cold winter air. “This is going to be hard.”

Your maid assisted you into the carriage. “You can do this, my lady.”

You played with your cape. “Has Levi explained to you the rules?”

“Indeed. My lord told me everything.”

You stared at her as a few ideas popped into your head. “How about I give you some money?”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, my lady. I care about you and love looking after you, but my lord has given me orders. This is for your own well-being.”

You gripped the coin bag. “This is a conspiracy.”

“You are so cute, my lady.” She hummed a laugh. “I will help you out as much as possible today.”

“Thank you.”

She offered her hand to you. “Shall I take the coins? I think it is easier to spend when you don’t know how much you have. You will be less aware.”

You handed the bag over. “You’re right. Thank you for helping.”

“You deserve happiness.”

You welled up a little at her words. “Thank you.” You cleared your throat. “I am feeling energised.”

“Wonderful, my lady!”

You smiled a little before pulling back the little curtain and looking out the carriage. You blushed as people stared at your carriage, which was black with Levi’s coat of arms on. The carriage always caught people’s attention because everyone wanted to know about Levi and who he was so madly in love with.

You climbed out of the carriage and headed towards the shop. You ignored people chatting and talking around you. You focused on going to the dress shop. The inside was rather simple, cosy, welcoming and nice. The dresses being modelled were rather sweet and nice. You liked some, but something was missing for you.

You released a long sigh. “I don’t know about this.”

Your maid hurried over to the owner. “Excuse me? This is Lord Ackerman’s fiancée. I booked a slot for her to be here.”

The owner gasped. “Lord Ackerman’s fiancée? This is amazing!” She hurried over to you. “Welcome, welcome! Please, come into our special section of the shop, where our best dresses are.”

You walked with her to the back. “Thank you. So, my Levi really likes me in a lot of colours. Red, green, light yellow too.” You blushed hard and looked at the dresses. “A deep red would be pretty and a dark green.”

She clasped her hands together. “Perfect! It’ll look so good on your body. Let’s get you dressed up.”

It was rather nerve-wracking at first to have your clothes pulled off you and to stand in your undergarments, but it became fun. There was plenty of tea and snacks for you and soon you were laughing along with the staff and your maid. They made you feel like you were the most beautiful woman ever, just like Levi would.

You admired yourself in a dark red dress making your body look plump. “This is incredible. Thank you. I will take this one for sure! I want the green ones too. There are so many wonderful dresses and your corsets are so soft.”

She blushed. “I’m glad you like all my clothes.”

“Levi said you were the best.”

“He’s too kind.”

“Aww.” Everyone turned to see the Queen enter with a fan before her mouth to hide her smirk. “How sweet. The human pet is playing dress up.” He moved closer. “It’s amusing how you think you can be pretty like me. There is no comparison, my dear.”

You held your head high. “You’re right, there is no comparison.” You fixed your hair as you looked in the mirror. “Why would I ever want to look like you? Levi loathes you and loves me.” You turned and locked eyes with her as he got angry. “So, I’m better than you in every way.”

She flicked her fan closed. “Watch your mouth, human.”

“Why? You’re not my Queen. You’re just a rude woman who has interrupted my private shopping time.”

She moved closer. “I will gut you.”

You sighed. “So stupid. If you do that, then Levi will never forgive you. He already hates you, I wonder how much deeper that hate can become if you were to take my life.”

She snarled at you. “You are an ugly fat bitch!”

You lifted your left hand. “And yet I’m the one engaged to Levi.” You smiled at her. “I’m not afraid of you and no matter how much you shout or threaten me, I will not back down. You are no Queen to me or Levi. The sooner you leave him alone, the better. You only hurt yourself more by wanting a man who doesn’t want you.”

“YOU!”

Damian stood between you and his Rosaline. “Dear sister, please calm down. We have come at the wrong time. We should come back another time.”

Rosaline snarled. “Why should I leave?”

You peered around Damian. “Because Levi booked this time for me. We booked this place. This is a private shopping trip. I don’t see you as a friend, therefore I don’t want you here. So, please leave.”

Her cheeks went pink as people stared. Rosaline was overcome with embarrassment because of how a human had spoken to her. She gripped her fan tightly in both hands. “She insulted me.”

Damian whispered. “You promised her to me. Leave her be and let me deal with her.”

She huffed a bit before looking at you. “I do not know what Levi sees in you.”

You smiled. “I know, it’s why he doesn’t like you. You are everything he hates.”

Damian pushed his sister along. “Come on.” He looked over at you. “That dress looks lovely on you.”

“Thank you.” You turned to the mirror and looked at yourself. “Could I wear this out?”

The shop owner nodded. “Yes.”

You looked to your maid. “Could you pay her for my dresses?”

Your maid bowed to you. “Yes, my lady.”

You walked to the carriage and waited for your maid to join you. “I can’t believe how many dresses and shoes I bought.”

She giggled. “You did well.”

“Do I have much left?”

“I’m afraid so.”

You huffed a little and thought about what you could do. “Maybe, I could buy some jewellery?”

She giggled. “I think that would be a great choice!”

You nibbled your lip in thought. “This is more difficult than Levi made it out to be. I’m not used to spending money.”

“View it as you are supporting local businesses.”

You gasped in delight. “You’re right! Oh, if that’s true then I will go to the bookstore and then a local bakery and then a local sweet and chocolate place!”

“Sounds exciting!”

You smiled in delight. “Oh, did he say there was a rule against spending it on things for the staff? I want to buy you all something delicious.”

The maid softly smiled. “He did. It has to be spent on you.”

“What if I buy something, eat some of it and then offer it to the staff to try?”

She hummed in thought. “I think that would qualify as spending on you.”

You clapped your hands in delight. “Perfect I have found a loophole.”

It was fun for you to go around to more shops to buy everything else. The gold was reduced in the bag until there were two coins left, but you thought you had spent everything. So, you were rather happy and in a positive mood when you travelled back home to see the man you loved more than anything. Your heart was filled with pride because you wanted to show off to Levi that you did everything he asked of you.

You hurried into the home and came to a stop before your fiancé. “Levi! I bought so many things!” You twirled for him. “Do you like this dress?”

He moved closer to you. “Darling, you look divine.” He held your hand and made you twirl again. “Look at you. Such a vision.” He pulled you against him and kissed you deeply. “So sexy.”

You giggled at his compliment. “Thank you.”

He showered your face in kisses as the staff brought in your purchases. “Mm, now I need to check if you spent it all.”

You grinned. “I know I did.”

“Oh really?” He released you and walked over to your maid. “Let’s see.” He took the coin bag and checked. “Tch, tch, dear me. Two gold coins left.”

You gasped and ran over to him. You grabbed the coins and studied them. “I was sure I spent everything!”

Levi folded his arms. “Looks like you didn’t.”

You stared at the coins as you thought about how to spend them as soon as possible. “Ah! Idea!” You walked up to Levi and placed them in his hand. “I would like to pay for one massage and ten kisses. Is this enough?”

Levi chuckled as he played with the coins. “Smart. Very smart.”

You looked at him with pleading eyes. “Please?”

He sighed. “Well, you might have some change left.”

You gripped his shirt and bounced up and down. “Will the rest pay for an hour-long cuddle?”

He tilted his head. “Mm…yes.” The light in your eyes was something he couldn’t crush. He wanted you to stay happy.

You jumped into Levi’s arms. “Yay!”

He laughed and spun around with you. “Well done.” He placed you on your feet. “When would you like your massage, kisses and cuddle?”

You tapped your forehead against him. “Mm, maybe tonight?”

He leaned down and whispered against your ear. “I would be very happy to do that.” He scooped you up into his arms. “Come, my beautiful darling, I have to spoil you.”

You kicked your legs a little. “Levi? I need to tell you something.”

He walked up the stairs. “Yes?”

“Rosaline was at the dress shop.”

He paused on the stairs. “What?”

“I got rid of her and Damian protected me, but she called me ugly and fat.”

He snarled. “How dare she.”

You patted Levi’s cheek. “It’s okay.”

He looked down at you. “It’s not okay.”

You kissed his cheek a few times. “I stood my ground.”

“You did?”

You explained to Levi what happened when he carried you the rest of the way upstairs. You smiled a little after you’d finished talking. “I’m rather proud of myself. I wasn’t scared. I stood up for you and I.”

He sat you on his bed. “What a brave wonderful fiancée you are.”

You grinned at him. “What do I get as a reward?”

He pressed the end of your nose. “I’ll think about it.” He studied you. “Now, I hate to do this, but we have to remove your gorgeous dress.”

“I can just wear it tomorrow.”

“Fuck, you are so beautiful.”

You giggled. “Thank you. So, am I getting a nice massage?”

He stood you up and started removing your dress. “Yes. Massage first, then the ten kisses and finally the hugging.”

You stretched your body once you were in your undergarments. “Sounds wonderful. Do you have a bit of oil to massage?”

“I do.” He cradled your face in his hands and kissed you. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He clapped. “Right! Lie on your front and let me take care of you.”

You lay on your stomach and released a long sigh. “I’m ready.”

He clicked his fingers and began untying your corset. He pushed the corset open and watched you shift a little so he could pull it off. “There we go.” He kissed your back and noticed the marks. “Your corset…”

“It leaves marks every time, it’s normal.”

“I don’t like it.”

You hummed. “Well, it’s the only way to keep my boobs under control.”

He smiled against your back. “Interesting. I’m sure I can help you with that. My hands are very supportive.”

You giggled as you watched Levi go to the bathroom. “I believe you.”

Levi returned to you with the bottle of oil. “Thank you.” He straddled you and sat on your bum. “Mm, best cushion ever.”

You wiggled under him. “Thank you.”

He dropped a small amount of oil that smelt like lavender. He pushed his hands up your back and purred. “You feel so soft and warm under my touch.”

You moaned in delight. “Damn, that feels so good.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled a little. “You excited to get married soon?”

“I am! I’m looking forward to being yours.” You wiggled your toes a little. “Levi?”

He dragged his hands down to your waist. “Yes?”

“Will I be meeting your mother and father soon?”

He paused a moment. “Yes. I hope that’s okay. I delayed it because I wanted you all to myself for as long as possible. I know my parents and they’ll go crazy for you.”

You hugged your pillow as you smiled. “Well, that’s good.”

He paused a moment. “What about your parents?”

You pressed your face into your pillow and whimpered. “I love them, but I’m worried.”

“Worried?”

You lifted your head and sniffed. “I’ll be made a vampire and they’ll get old and die. I’m going to miss them so much.”

Levi cleaned his hands before shifting off you and rolling you over. “Darling, they’ll be made into vampires too.”

You sat up with a frown. “What? Really?”

He nodded. “It’s vampire tradition.” He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t tell you, did I?”

You shook your head. “You didn’t.”

He shuffled closer. “Sorry. I should have, but I didn’t. It’s so common practice…I keep forgetting things. Being a pure-bred vampire…that’s a shit excuse.”

You dove at Levi and knocked him onto his back with you on top. “I’m so happy!” You showered his face in kisses. “Don’t be sorry either, okay? You’ve lived a life surrounded by pure-bred vampires. All you’ve known is them and their traditions and now you have a human on your hands. I love you, Levi. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” He rubbed your back. “I’m so sorry if you feel something hard, but your breasts are pressed against me right now and you know how much I love them.”

You giggled. “I do and I love feeling you getting hard.”

“Well, then we’re both very happy right now.”

“Yes, but I need ten kisses and that hour-long hug.” You sat up on Levi and grinned. “So, ten kisses!”

He stared at your breasts. “Uh…sorry I um…what did you say?”

You placed your arm across your boobs. “Focus, my love. Ten kisses.”

He massaged your thighs. “Where do you want them?”

“I know what you’re thinking about.”

He sat up and smirked at you. “You know me well.”

You purred a little. “I think every inch of my body.”

Levi slammed you against the bed on your back. “Oh, I can do that.”

You giggled. “Wonderful.”

You started fixing your dress in front of the mirror as Levi hugged you from behind and kissed your exposed neck and shoulder. “Do I look okay?”

“You look sexy.”

You whined a bit. “I don’t want to be sexy. I want to be classy, pretty and welcoming.”

He ran his hands around to your breasts. “Then how about you remove your dress again and get back into bed with me?”

You hummed a laugh. “Levi, we’re not going again. You’ve had me twice this morning.”

“Only twice? That’s hardly anything for us.”

You turned in his arms. “Yes, but your parents and mine are coming over. I want to look good for them.”

Levi stood back and nodded. “Mm, you look divine, my love.”

“Thank you.” You turned and looked in the mirror again. “Maybe I should put on some makeup.”

“Darling.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you closer. “You don’t need any of that. You look incredible.”

You smiled a little. “Thank you.”

He pulled you closer and held you against him. “You’re so pretty.”

You blushed a little. “Thank you.” You slipped from his touch making him whine. “It’s time to greet our parents.”

Levi pouted as he followed you. “I’m looking forward to seeing them, but I want you all to myself.”

You held his hand and dragged him along. “Come on.”

He stumbled along with you. “Do I get a reward for this?”

“Yes.”

He smiled. “I’ll pick what I get.”

You giggled. “Yes, my love. Just think of this meeting as the next step to our wedding. I want our parents to meet and if it goes well, then we can marry.”

Levi’s eyes widened in delight. He scooped you up into his arms and ran with you. “We have to have a successful meeting!”

You squealed as Levi ran with you down the hall before jumping off the balcony and landing in the entrance hall. You blushed hard when you saw your parents with Levi’s looking a little shocked. “H-Hello.”

Levi placed you on your feet as soon as he saw the dark and angry look on your father’s face. “Good evening.”

You hurried over to your parents and jumped into their arms. “I missed you both!”

Your father squeezed you. “We missed you too.” He released you and looked over at Levi. “Does he take care of you?”

“He does.”

He looked down at you. “He doesn’t drink from you too much or exhaust you?”

You shook your head. “No. He’s been a gentleman to me.”

He smiled a little. “Good.” He frowned a moment. “Why does he look scared?”

Your mother patted your father’s cheek. “Because you always look angry, my dear.”

“I don’t mean it.” He walked right over to Levi. “Lord Levi Ackerman, correct?”

Levi gulped hard. “Y-Yes.” He offered his hand. “Nice to me-meet you.”

He shook Levi’s hand. “I’m not angry, lad, it’s just my face.” He smiled a little. “All I ask is that you love and care for my daughter and make her happy.”

“I swear on my life.”

“I believe you.” Your dad smiled. “So, you must be Mr and Mrs Ackerman.”

Kuchel gasped. “Your daughter is so beautiful! I can’t believe she’s going to be our daughter-in-law!” She welled up. “I’m so happy!”

You cleared your throat. “Shall we move to the dining hall? I worked with the chef to prepare a meal for us all.”

Levi’s dad Sebastian walked over to you. Sebastian was incredibly handsome like Levi, he was muscular and had wonderful wavy hair. Sebastian was your typical incredible rugged-looking hunk of a man. Looking at him, it made sense where Levi got some of his looks from. He gave you such a kind and sweet smile. He reached over and took your hand in his. He placed a delicate kiss against your hand.

You blushed a little. “Nice to meet you.”

Sebastian smiled at you. “You too, my sweet. Seeing you like this and catching your sent. You are just perfect for each other. So, tell me all about how cute my son is.”

You giggled and walked with Sebastian. “Well, he loves cuddles.”

“I’m not surprised, he used to be very attached to a bear when he was a kid.”

You gasped. “Really? That’s so cute!”

He chuckled. “He’s always loved soft and cuddly things.”

“He does cuddle me a lot.”

“I’m not surprised.” He grinned and led you to a chair and sat you in it. “He used to run around with a wooden sword and claimed he would protect his future princess.” He sat down and smirked. “I’m guessing that’s you.”

Your mother joined you and Sebastian. “You wanted a prince or knight, so I guess it is fate.”

Sebastian hummed a laugh. “It is fate, huh?”

“It is! We should have their wedding soon.”

“We should!”

You cleared your throat. “Mum? Are you okay with becoming a vampire?”

She gazed at you. “Yes. I love your father and I love you. Spending eternity with you and your father is perfect. Plus, no more pains in my body and I’d have great skin. I can’t wait.”

You released a long sigh. “I’m glad. I was worried.”

“Bless you.”

You smiled brightly as the conversation flowed. Levi was getting on perfectly with your father and mother. You were getting to know Sebastian and Kuchel as well. Kuchel was obsessed with you. She played with your hair and dress and asked you countless questions. Levi was getting a bit jealous that his mother had all your attention. You knew you had to make it up to him later.

After dinner was eaten and people were happy, you moved to the living room. Levi grabbed you and pulled you into his arms and made sure you stuck to him. No one was bothered when Levi made you sit on his lap. There was a group understanding that Levi needed contact with you to soothe him. It helped a lot that you were playing with his hair.

You turned your head and gazed at Levi as the parents talked. “Your father told me you have a teddy you’d carry around with you everywhere.”

He whined a little. “Yeah. Sir snuggles.” He nuzzled you. “But you’re better than him.”

“Am I the princess you wanted to have and protect?”

He sighed. “My dad talked too much.”

You kissed the top of his head a few times. “I think it’s adorable.”

He locked eyes with you. “Really?”

You nodded and kissed him. “My cute man.”

He smiled a little. “I am cute.”

“I’m so happy today went well.”

He kissed you. “Me too.” He hummed. “My parents adore you.”

You blushed a little at knowing you’d been successful. “Good. My parents love you.”

“I think we should get married as soon as possible.”

You giggled. “I think so too.”

Levi’s eyes lit up. “Really? That’s perfect. I will start booking everything now. I had everything waiting.”

“You’re incredible, Levi.”

“Thank you.” He squeezed your thigh and whispered. “So, about tonight.”

You kissed his ear and whispered against it. “I want you to ruin me. Make me lose my voice from moaning your name.”

Levi smirked. “That can be arranged.”

[whatstruthgottodowithit]

Complexly Chaotic

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader, Remus Lupin x Reader

Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, You, Reader

Word Count: 968

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Sirius Black isn’t made to be a boyfriend. He’s made for a good time. He’s made to scratch an itch. He’s made for whatever this is, complex and chaotic as it may be. And above all he’s made to be a damn good friend.

Tags/ Warnings: Minors DNI, Sex, Kissing, Cheating? Kinda, Consensual Cheating, Shame, Guilt, Angst, Smut, Lycanthropy, Remus is scared of making her a werewolf/hurting her, Unrequited Love, Marauders Era, Sirius/Reader are in their last year

Notes: I am neck deep in the other Evans girl & all my other works are on hold but what am I to do when inspo strikes at midnight for my two best boys ❤️

TAG LIST // MASTERLISTS & INFO

‘Oh god,’ you pant, snapping Sirius from his thoughts and bringing him back to reality. Not that he knew how he could lose focus in a moment like this, how not even warm wet cunt was enough to engage his mind long enough to stop it drifting. But, like every single time before it happened again because as incredible as these moments were they were always over too soon and that’s why his mind strayed, wondering when the next time would be, wondering how long you’d torture him before you let him back in.

He didn’t know how it had happened. How at some point he’d essentially become his best friend’s surrogate penis. All he knew was that he was no more able to say no to you than he was to Remus. That when his friend had explained h­is lack of interest wasn’t a lack of interest at all but fear, shame and sheer fatigue, his condition marring another aspect of his life, Sirius’ had felt for him.

And then, as Remus explained he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, let his condition affect you Sirius had gawped as he’d floated the insane idea between them. A way for you and him to exist without you having to sacrifice as he did. And as Remus had pointed out to an agog Sirius, who better to do it than a friend. A friend who would see you right. A physical thing nothing more.

Yet what Remus hadn’t realised was just how much more than physical it was for Sirius. How he’d thought about you just as you were now, bent over with him buried to hilt inside of you, your breathy little moans not masked by the sound of the running water, spattering against the weathered tiles of the changing room shower. How he’d thought about doing this a million times before he’d ever gotten the chance to. How he’d trade this to have just an ounce of something real with you. How he wanted to kiss you, hold you, love you.

Except after this you wouldn’t do any of that. After this you’d simply offer him the same shy look you gave him after every time, as if he hadn’t come apart at the seams by your very being. After this you’d trudge back to the castle, the pair of you going your separate ways until he inevitably found you and Remus together, cuddled up on a sofa in the common room or in his bed, low murmurs and faint kisses the only thing for him to hear as he pushes his head into the pillow, praying the thin canopy would shield him the way a wall would.

As the image of Remus flashes in his mind he forces it out. He couldn’t think of him, not now. Even if it had been his idea, a simple favour that the two of them need never speak about, thinking about him still filled him with guilt.

Because how could a friend do this?

‘Sirius,’ you moaned, back bending as you flopped against the wall for support, the sound of wet skin against cold tile ridiculously lewd in his ears.

‘Hold on,’ he commands as if the fact you’re thinking of him isn’t enough to make him bust right there. As if he doesn’t revel in the fact that even if this is an insignificant physical thing it’s still him you’re focused on, it’s still him you want if only for ten minutes after quidditch practice.

‘Can’t,’ you whimper and as you lose footing, your tiptoes finally unable to support you in ecstasy, he realises it’s helping him go deeper, spearing you in half as you cry out his name, clenching around him until he’s calling out yours, spilling into you the way he tells himself he never should.

The water’s cold when he comes around, forehead buried in between your shoulder blades where he’d hid himself to anything that wasn’t you and him, but you don’t seem to care. As you disentangle yourself from him you don’t seem to notice how your skin is now covered in goosebumps but he does. He notices everything about you, like he always has.

It was him who noticed you first. It was him who spoke to you first, who made you laugh first and him who introduced you to Remus. It was him who’d thought he’d get bored of you and stepped aside so that his friend could have a shot. It was him who’d fell in love with you before Remus even had the chance to.

Remus.

It’s like his presence is with you after, lingering between you as you clean up and get changed. Nothing’s changed of course, as he trudges back to the castle it’s just you and him except he can feel the distance now. As if you leave an extra gap for the boy who should be there. The boy he probably could’ve, would’ve, convinced this arrangement was ludicrous if it didn’t benefit him so much.

As you reach the courtyard he can hear the thrum of people on the other side of the doors and he knows that once you go through them that’ll be it, well, until you have another itch that needs scratching. Which is why he’s surprised when you lean in and kiss him, closing the gap and pushing Remus out of the picture a little while longer. It’s wildly inappropriate given how many people could potentially spot you and yet he can’t find it in him to care because even as he watches you flee inside, cheeks red in the low lamplight, he can’t help but feel that you’re seeing him, seeing what he sees in the two of you.

And even with the guilt, the complexity and chaos of it all, he kind of hopes for that.

Sirius Tags

@caitlin1996