#am i being Mentally Eel about it ??? yeah probably

[publicabsent]

sits down . thinking about moving blogs Again . idk bro i am just . sits like a ragdoll

[identity-theft-101]

I put all my skill points into being able to listen to 5 hours of info dumping while also being able to think at the speed of sound with no self preservation ♡

If these two (hot,gorgeous) men was in a "Beauty pageant" who would win?

[orginllazyblog]

Credit to:

@maliciousmace

They cover up the Queen of Hearts and Scar. So I'll cover up with Ursula, Jafar, Evil Queen, and Hades. Maybe once book 7 is FINALLY complete, I'll do Maleficent or perhaps maliciousmace themselves.

Sorry if it took long as I waited for maliciousmace permission and how long it took me to finish

🐙Ursula🐙:

Oh boy. Yuu woke up by one of the tentacles as they were JUST about to go to sleep

"Tell me, little guppy, where am I?"

"*sigh* You are in Twisted Wonderland where people can do magic and stuff, and you are in my room." *process to go back to sleep*

She did not expect that someone was willing to tell the whole truth as she was about to come up with a deal for Yuu

Honestly, for Yuu, they're gonna just stay up late if the next one shows up late at night as they got up to show the sea witch around Ramshackle as they can't go back to sleep

Introduce to QoH, Scar, and Grim to Ursula to get it over it

"Queen Elizabeth, Scar, and Grim. Meet the sea witch, Ursula. Ursula, her majesty, Queen of Hearts, Queen Elizabeth. Scar, royal family member of the lion pride, King of the Beast. And lastly, Grim, my emotional support cat."

"Hey! 😾"

Oh yeah, Grim can now see the great sev- three spirits (for now)

QoH was happy to have another female companion to talk to as Scar just sleeps like 24/7

"Anyway, going back to bed."

Next morning, now that Yuu got full rest, they told Ursula the whole story. Of how she appear after Azul's overblot and that the world look up to her as one of the great sevens as the sea witch

She was satisfied with the answers, how she was portrayed as one of the powerful historic figure. Guess she didn't need to bribe Yuu to a shady deal

Today is the day where the octo trio, Adeuce, and Jack are going to the museum at the coral sea.

Slight family trip, that your classmates don't know that you're company with three out of the seven spirits

The museum reminded Ursula the Atlantica castle, only Yuu to realize they may have forgot to tell Ursula

"Oh yeah, you may see something you're familiar with. Just please... for keep sake?"

"I know how to keep my anger. You don't have to worry, guppy."

Everyone went to explore around the museum leaving Yuu and Azul alone. Well, technically, Ursula QoH and Scar are stuck following Yuu wherever they go

Azul and Yuu had a deep conversation, with Ursula knowing what made him and her have something in common of being unwelcome in merfolk society

Yuu would go to Montsro Lounge to show Ursula of Azul's business work

Ursula does miss her eels whenever she sees Jade and Floyd

She gave Azul a hug, only this time someone other than Grim was able to feel the cold air

"What's wrong, Azul? Do you have goosebumbs?"

"I just felt a cold air for a second."

"Huh? Okay then."

'OH MA GOD! HE CAN ALSO FEEL-'

Now Yuu is panicking on how can Azul feel the ghost's touch over the past week. If he figures out, Yuu would be caught another shady deal or more like a secret to not tell anyone.

About Crowley, Ursula would see why Yuu is mentally exhausted from all the overblot bullshit

Would join with the other two of pranking Crowley

If Yuu's theory is correct: when the next overblot fight is over, the next ghost would probably become not a ghost...

__________________________________________________________________________

🐍Jafar🪔

And would you look at that? Only this time, Yuu was up finishing their homework drinking coffee as they waited for the sourceror of sands to arrive in their room instead of heading to bed

"Why, hello there. I'll get to the point: you are in Twisted Wonderland where people can do magic. As well as there are merfolk, beastman, and fairies and such."

"...Looks like you been to this situation a lot."

"Yeah... you were not the first one here, man. Anyway, I'll introduce you to the other's."

Another introduction for the others well

"Okay, let me test this out."

"Kid, what are you doing?"

Yuu grabbed a tea cup and poured some tea

"I'm not sure if any one of you can eat or drink at this point. It worked well with the Queen of Hearts trying to pet Grim and Ursula by giving a hug to the mer student. So, with absorbing nutrition might work or not."

It did not work, to say the least.

Another morning, only this time, Yuu and Grim were spending the time themselves as winter break is coming to an end. Usually, they would of shown Jafar the Scarabia dorm, but then again, it's better to do it now than later.

Jafar was amazed by how the building almost felt like the old palace he once worked as a noble advisor

Another field trip for the seven-four spirits at the Scarabia Dorm

The first three were fascinated; QoH was amazed of the dorm's architecture, Scar and Ursula love the water fountain.

Everything was going great...that is until:

"Is it me or did I just see the great sand sourceror?"

"You're right! I thought I just saw the King of the Beast."

'Well... I'm fuck.'

Not only that there was one student who was able to feel one of the great seven's, now there are more students and soon the teachers who will see one of the great seven's

It's not like the four can stay at Ramshackle, they have to follow Yuu wherever they go. They can look around, but they have to stick to Yuu's side

School is coming soon, and Yuu needed a plan. There are students who might figure it out soon, so they need a person who is trustworthy

Definitely not Ace or Deuce, Jack? Maybe. It would have been easy if Sam was here with them, but sadly he's not here. 

“Why not tell the other ghost staff?”

“Oh! You scare me there. Sorry I haven't been myself, but are you three going to be okay with this? I don't want to drag you guys to this mess.”

“Don't worry youngsters. We have a plan that might pull the trick.”

“Okay, what is it?”

“Here's how it'll go…”

The plan somehow worked out well! The Ramshackle ghosts brought over the other ghosts to meet one of the great seven's and were able to pull off a disguise of the four seven's. So if anyone thought Yuu is surrounded by one of the great seven's, someone would point out they saw one of them in a different location. 

What sucks now is Yuu can't hang out with their friends for a long time as they might see a glimpse of one of the great seven's

“Hey, Yuu! Wanna hang out-”

“Sorry. I have homework to do. Bye!” 

You know what? It wasn’t so bad as they had Jafar who decided to help out Yuu for keeping their presence quiet by teaching them about ancient incantations and astrology. Which is how Yuu was able to do well in their class.

So far, so good…that is when Yuu was announced to be sent to the Headmage's office. Great..

“Who's this particular Crowley?”

“Well…he's a bit…um.”

“A bitch.”

“Scar!”

“He's not wrong there, guppy.”

Walking to the office, Jafar already hates Crowley as he reminds him of the foolish sultan

“It seems to be true…You are chosen to be the great seven's vessel.”

“...”

“...”

If Yuu didn't have a huge grudge before, the four seven spirits wanted to strangle this guy. Yuu tried to hold on, but what's the use if the four are still ghosts

This kept going on for a couple of hours

When everyone settle down, Crowley explain that he figure it out when he caught one of the disguise ghost and promise (for once) to keep their presence quiet by having Yuu stay in their dorm throughout the day and have late night classes with him

It doesn't seem to bad, but the four speak out:

“Now that doesn't seem fair, headmage.”

“If Yuu deserve more, then the best mentors would have to be us, one of the great seven's.”

“You? Teaching the little guppy? Now that is not a good deal, headmage.”

“The four of us will teach them as we are indeed the great seven's.”

In the end, Yuu didn't have to go to class in the next few days if they wanted to. They have the great sevens as their teachers! Well, soon, all of the seven's if they are willing to

Each of them taught Yuu of their own culture and history from their homeland

Yuu's excuse for not attending their regular class was that they have the flu. Only the teachers and staff know the reason

Well, it can’t get any worse…right?

____________________________

👑Evil/Beautiful Queen Grimhilde🍎

Before: 

Yuu's close friends have been wondering why they haven't seen Yuu after winter break. They were only told they were awfully sick and can't go out

That is when the VDC was around the corner. Ace and Deuce wanted to join the competition, but it wasn't fun when there other but they participated in the 1 million thuamarks

Grim heard the news and asked Yuu if he could participate:

“Pretty please. With a lot of thuamarks, we can buy so much food!”

“Hm…besides food, we do need to upgrade a bit of Ramshackle. Like a laundry washing machineand dryer, more clothes, and much more.”

It took a while, but Grim must keep their presence quiet

A few days later, the VDC group was tasked to stay in Ramshackle Dorm. At this point, Yuu won't trust Crowley's words

But if they are going to stay for a while, why not just tell them to get it over with it

And that's how they meet Rook. 

Rook promise to keep it a secret, though Yuu plan to tell the OB boys as they are the reason why the four seven's appear. But the question they still question is why them? Wouldn't it make sense if they are the ones instead of Yuu? 

Even the four seven's were questioning that as well

Though they have been focusing on who's going to be the next overblot student, that is someone in Pomefiore

This time, Yuu remembers their dream linking to the great seven's and maybe some clues of the next overblot

Someone who's like the Beautiful Queen…

If Yuu would like to guess, it's the housewarden of Pomefiore, Vil Shoenheit

Turns out…they were right. Luckily, they managed not to let Vil give the poison apple drink to Neige and had their friends to face off Vil's overblot

You can say that the VDC group were shock that Yuu is a company with one of the great seven's themselves

“Yuu, why did you-”

“There's no time! I'll explain later, but this would also be another explanation. Let's bring back Vil by knocking some sense into him!”

“Heck yeah!”

One hour later, the painful battle was over, but the damage of the stadium is the problem other than Yuu keeping the secret that they are the great seven's “vessel”.

Even Malleus was surprise as well, though he was supposed to be surprise

“So…Yuu? Care to explain why you were gone?”

“Yeah, but if you guys win, then I'll consider telling you.”

They didn't win, but Yuu is still going to tell them anyway, and the other OB boys too.

After:

As the VDC event was over, Yuu still had other things they needed to worry about, that is, the beautiful queen herself

To Yuu and the four's surprise, the beautiful queen appearance was crystal clear that she was almost close to being fully human physical, but there was still a ghost fade

“Greetings, your majesty.”

“...You may raise your head, peasant. Can you tell me where I am?”

Another long explanation of Twisted Wonderland and how she appeared by a student who just overblot a few hours ago

And another introduction with the other's

“I think it's time we tell the students who are the reason why you all appear in this world. But from what happened today, tomorrow morning, I'll introduce you to the VDC group and the other students.”

“Wait a minute, we're missing someone. Where's the little kitty cat, Grim?”

Searching for Grim, this time, the five souls didn't need to stick to Yuu's side. Though to be safe as Yuu is magicless, Scar went with them to ensure Yuu's safety as it was nighttime

They did find Grim, but he wasn't himself as he ate another overblot stone and scratched Yuu. Even though Scar thought he could shield Yuu but he’s still a ghost.

He knew he had to take Yuu back to the dorm, but he could only drag their body by the uniform. That is how the Adeuce duo found Yuu on that night

“Y-you are?!”

“Listen here, brats. You need to carry this human child to their dorm while I get this headmage of yours. Understood?”

“Y-yes King of the Beasts!”

Once Yuu was awakened, Ace told them they had run into one of the seven's and were told by Scar to take Yuu back to Ramshackle to be safe from Grim. They even meet the others as they put Yuu back to their room

Yuu told them that the main reason if anyone figured this out, the more dangerous for them to be possible to be target at but they needed to tell the other's who witnessed it as well as the others

But with Grim acting feral, Yuu needs to find him to be sure he's alright

With Crowley hearing the news, Yuu's wounds were treated as he was nervously fangirling his favorite seven's

An explanation to everyone that Grim may soon become dangerous for Yuu and the school as long as “they” don't show up

But that doesn't keep Yuu quiet as they went out with the Aduece duo to go find Yuu only to be told he was already found by a humanoid name Ortho

The three went back to their dorms, even telling Yuu good luck on keeping the seven's well, which brought back to Yuu that they have to deal with one of the scariest one they will be dealing with

If only they knew they would soon get kidnapped…

________________________________

💀King of the Underworld, Hades🔥

Before:

“Hi, my name is Yuu. You might be wondering how I got myself into this situation.”

When the Styx robots came to nrc, they thought they were going to get captured, like how the other OB boys, instead they were treated like a VIP

Of course, the five seven's had to company with Yuu, another reason why Styx needs Yuu for some reason

Yuu got that special treatment while the OB boys were stuck together in the basement (?)

Before they got captured, Yuu was about to tell the VDC group how the five of the seven's came to Twisted Wonderland only to be interrupted by the windows getting shattered

As they came to their destination, later known to be the Isle of Lamentation

“Looks dull here.”

“You're majesty…”

“It's true, dear. This place looks so quiet here, and there's barely any entertainment here, little rosie.”

“Hmm…”

“Got anything, Jafar?”

“I feel like I know this place, but I can't seem to recall what exactly.”

So they went through the test for Yuu. The scientists wanted to know if Yuu can possibly use magic now that they are seven’s “vessel” but no signs…yet

Though, Yuu wondered if their friends are okay back at nrc

And would you look at that? Rook and Epel found the location 

Yuu could have met Epel before, but they weren't able to back then, and now they get to meet each other

“Have you found Grim, Yuu?”

“So far, no. Even if I ask how he's doing, they wouldn't tell me.”

“Wow… I thought they'll tell you because you're the great seven's vessel.”

“Eh, I couldn't care less of that title. It doesn't suit me. Also, why are you and Rook here?”

Rook and Epel plan to get Vil back while Yuu wanted to at least talk to Grim

Once the boys were done with their test, Idia still hadn't got a clue as to how the five seven spirits appeared in Ramshackle

The only thing he could possibly think is the similarities; coming to Twisted Wonderland from another world

All is going well till Ortho started hacking the Styx systems, and soon Idia overblot

Another long, painful battle as they surprise the OB boys with the five out of sevens on their side.

“Yeah I was meaning to tell you guys this earlier, but fate said they have other plans.”

“Good to know.”

The 6th time Yuu has done another introduction and soon to be 7th once the King of the Underworld appears after, but then again, they weren't sure if he would appear back at Ramshackle or here at the Isle of Lamentation

As for the team, they stick with the Pomefiore trio as they go down down down

“Dimond.”

“Yes, Sand sorcerer?”

“I seem to remember something I said earlier. This place may be where I meet him.”

“You and the King of the Underworld met before?”

“Heh, you could say that.”

“You might want to skip the conversation”, a phantom appear as the team try to knock them out with the lightning spear

Yuu wouldn't imagine how heavy it was 

But wait a minute! How can they also carry the heavy weapon if it meant to be used by magic users?

Hours and hours, everyone managed to meet up and focus on taking down of the Shroud brothers

By the time, Idia and Ortho were defeated but almost fell completely to the hole that supposedly led to Tartarus. Only this time, Yuu was the one that jumped to save not only the Grim but the Shroud brothers as well

The five freak out of Yuu's silly action

The only thing they remember before they pass out was seeing a tall man figure

“...God?”

After:

Waking up, they somehow are back at Night Raven College only to be in one of the beds at the nurse office

‘Hold up, wait a minute! How am I here? Wasn't I at the Isle of Lamentation along with the others?’

“Oh good! You're awake. Hey there, kiddo, Hades here. God of the Underworld, how are you?”

“...Oh.”

Hades, God of the Underworld, now enter the group chat

While Yuu was knocked out, Idia took care of repairing Ramshackle, but the money for food and clothes would be different

Hades gift Yuu gems which brought them into tears

Grim came and cried to Yuu of how he’s sorry for scratching them

Crewel also came in to ensure Yuu is good to go, but where would they and Grim stay while Ramshackle is getting repair

“Oh yeah that’s right. What's your name again, kid?”

“My name is Yuu, your majesty.”

“No need with “your majesty” that kind of bullshit. Just call me Hades, okay?”

“Yes…Hades.”

“There you go! That's the spirit!”

This might be Yuu first laugh as they haven't had a good laugh since they arrive into this world, and it was Hades himself

It come to realization that the other seven spirits are not with them

“Hades, can I ask you a question?”

“Ask away.”

“Where are the others? Before you appear, the five didn't fully have a physical form and stayed as a ghost, as well as stay around me.”

“Oh yeeaaah. About that.”

Earlier, it was Hades who managed to save Yuu, Idia, and Grim from falling to Tartarus. As for Ortho, Grim swallowed the USB and spit it out with the help of Rook

With Hades awaken, the five were able to have a full physical form

The rest went back to Sage Island as for the six seven's and Yuu stay for more questioning

The five were worried that Yuu slept for almost a day, Hades reminded them that they were okay and that they just needed some rest

Oh yeah, Hades definitely remembers meeting Jafar. Let's just say Jafar doesn't want to remember as Hades began annoying him

“Hey, Jaffy! It's been a while, huh?”

“And I'm slowly wanting to forget about you.”

“Hey uncle.”

“Hey! Ursula! You're here too?”

This time, Ursula explained to Hades everything of what happened and that they were brought here to question Yuu 

Back to the present, Yuu shows around Ignihyde Dorm to show Hades around, and to his surprise, it's way more advanced with the technology he's not familiar with

Speaking of which, the rest were at the main building and NOT arguing to a certain crow man

They were relieved that Yuu now awake from their long slumber

“Oh yeah, that reminds me. Yuu, we need to talk about something that happened while you were resting.”

“Did I miss something?”

“Yuu, we know that you're magicless when we start getting used to being around here. We were concerned for your safety as we couldn't do anything to protect but watch. That is until the Shroud director told us the wonderful news.”

“You'll be able to wield magic pretty soon.”

“...But how is that possible?”

Yeah, how is that possible for Yuu? Was it awakening the seven's? No, they would have wielded magic before but but no signs of it. Then was Hades appearing that gave Yuu to use magic?

“Yeah... They still don't know, but hey, you get to learn how to wield fire just like me.”

“Hades, no! They need to learn the basics first.”

“Aaaww, you're no fun, Jaffy.”

“Can you not!”

“They act like an old married couple.”

“Yeah, I could see that.”

Now…If only this sweet moment could last. That is until she’ll be awakened later

[delirious-comfort]

I promise you I wouldn't go 0 to 100 with you with those kinds of questions. Weirder than that? I'm starting to grow concerned for you if you draw in such.. colorful personalities like that.

You sound like a terrible influence, and I fully support that (because, same).

Oh gosh. I'm sorry you were bullied. Kids/teenagers can be brutal. I always thank my lucky stars that I went to schools with nicer kids. I was later told no one would ever mess with me because I looked like I knew how to fight - which I attribute to my rbf. I obviously don't know you all that well personally, but you seem perfectly delightful to me so it's hard to picture you being a handful.

Howard the Duck! I think I hated it as a kid. My dad really wasn't careful with the movies he rented for me. My sister didn't tell me it was awful, so I never added The Meg to my list.

Hmm, can't relate. I'm not that into muscles, so The Rock isn't my cup of tea, and I do fancy the gents as well (though not as much as the ladies, despite what my dating history would suggest). Watch a movie that prominently features a pretty lady (that kicks ass), and the identity crisis may be averted for a while. Sorry to hear that. Is there a way to put some happiness back in you?

Music. Oh jeez. I could rattle off what I like all day, but I'll refrain. Some of my favorites: St. Vincent, Sevdaliza, Allie X, Lisa Hannigan, Beirut, James Blake, Chet Faker, Leon Bridges. And so on.. What about you?

A little. I'm very over 2020. I shan't miss it, but I'm not an optimist by nature, so I'm not all that thrilled about 2021. Are you?

I would need more details. 1. Would I have books/music? 2. Do I get to leave the cottage? 3. Do I have to bring someone with me? And if so, how small is this cottage? If the answer is yes and tiny, I'm leaning towards no. 150k isn't enough to put myself through that. I need a lot of alone time - though exceptions do apply from time to time. I don't currently like anyone enough to share a space with them for a whole year. Same question goes to you, though. Would you do that for $150,000?

Ooh, we’ve entered scrolling era on the computer! I now need to scroll to see what you wrote! Exciting things. *claps*. Back when I wrote Shadow Haven I used to get a lot of anons because they thought I was super into answering questions like, “How often do you masturbate / Do you masturbate to fic / What is your favorite thing to masturbate to / You made me come twice with this chapter!” Okay, that last one isn’t a question, but definitely have been told that a few times. Although my all time favorite comment I’ve ever gotten was from this young girl who said she almost reached an orgasm for the first time but the fic wasn’t long enough xD Hm, bullying is a thread throughout my life. But yeah some kids can be absolutely brutal. Adults too. But that’s a sob story for another time lol. RBF is one of my favorite things. I’m glad you didn’t experience that in school, though. I don’t know if I’m all that delightful. I think I’m nice? That’s something lol. I’ve never seen Howard the Duck to be honest. The only Duck I know is Donald. Oh want to hear a funny story about a duck? One day when I was young, back in the olden days, in the 90′s... My brother came home with a duck once. He said it was injured and he put it in the shed. I do think it really was injured but I have no idea what was wrong with it. We had this iron tub in the shed that we put water in and within a couple of days he had shat all over the shed. But we kept him for quite some time I think, although I was young so it was probably like two weeks that felt like two years. Anyway, the duck got better. We named him Donald and then we put him back out in the pond near our house where he came from. You’d think that’s where the story ends. But tis not. So one day not too long after we released him back into the pond... They started to drain the pond because, well actually I don’t know why. My brother said it was because there was one of those electric eels that they needed to get out of the pond, which made us all scared to swim in and I’m just now realizing he probably lied about that. Dick. Anyway, big digging machine came, and I went to walk the dog and on top of the claw of the digging machine was a dead duck. Our dead duck. Which I could see from far away. Uhm. Okay so maybe it wasn’t our duck. But as a child I was fucking convinced it was. I sobbed and told my mom he had been killed. And she was just like, “Well, he had a good time with us, didn’t he!’ I was and perhaps am at times a bit... how shall I put this gently... over dramatic. Sensitive. A drama queen. I freely admit it. I don’t actually know a lot of those artists but I’m listening to Sevdaliza’s Human and uhm. I bet it’s a on a lot of x-rated playlists. Yeah I’m with you on the 2020/2021 feeling. I don’t even want to say it can only get better from here on out because was I ever wrong before!  This song is a bop. I like it. Goes straight on my current obsessions playlist. Okay, cottage details. I asked because it’s always one of those Facebook posts I see, but here’s some details.  Fuck. Details. Okay. I got this. Yes, you can bring books. And movies. And there’s a TV and a radio and a computer. Just no internet. I don’t know why. But there’s not. FB rules. Not mine. I’d need internet.  I’m suddenly getting a one-shot through into my thick skull. As if I am gonna write it. Ha.  You can leave the cottage whenever you want. You’re free to roam. Not a prisoner. Hm, it’s not so small that you can’t live comfortable in it, lets say at least two bedrooms, although my inner muse wants to scream, “And there was only one bed,” so hard. So original.  I suppose you don’t have to bring someone.  I think I could do it but I don’t know how beneficial it would be to my mental health. I already live alone, I have a tiny studio, and I hardly ever leave due to my health issues I’ve had this year. Although, on Fridays I get to go outside with my physical therapist and I am very much looking forward to that. Internet is very much my whole world right now. So I think if it would be taken away I would either thrive, or nose dive.  If I had to share the space with someone, I don’t know if I could do it. Depends on who it is, I suppose. Like, I love my mom to death, but her and I would kill each other within a week probably.  God this is a lot of blabbing. Oop.  Also I just saw the terrible influence thing. Yes, yes I am. I used to make my niece do tiktok’s to prank my brother but one day he got super mad. But too be fair I did have her pretend she stapled her fingers together with a staple gun. So you know. I had it coming.  You’d think all this typing would warm up my fingers, but my fingers are ice cold. Okay, here’s a question. What is your dream holiday destination? 

[jaybug-jabbers]

Top 3 Favorite Betas from Pokemon Gold/Silver Spaceworld Demo

Hey, everyone. Back with more favorites lists. Considering the jaw-droppingly huge list of beta pokemon that were recently discovered for Pokemon Gold/Silver, though, we’re going to cheat a little. We’ll be doing top 3 lists within some broad categories, so we can ramble a bit longer then normal about some of these beauties.

Beta Babies

So, as we’ve seen, Gold/Silver’s beta was absolutely crammed full of baby pokemon, the vast majority of which were scrapped. It raises some interesting questions about the original direction of the game and the concept of baby pokemon in general. What exactly was the purpose of baby pokemon? Were they originally intended to have such low stats and to be so difficult to evolve (via happiness)? Were they really just for the ‘aw’ factor?

If so, it might be easy to see why Gold/Silver cut so many of them; while the game would have certainly been a very cute place, it would have been difficult in terms of actual battle. Still, it’s a genuine shame to see some of these squishy blobs go. Three of my favorites:

Para– because Paras/Parasect is my favorite pokemon line, and I was absolutely thrilled and amazed to see a baby originally planned. The design is damn adorable, although it admittedly makes little sense. The parasitic fungus that slowly takes over the insect portion is what grows inside and consumes paras/parasect, so why should a baby para burst forth from a mushroom?

Chiks– because it is literally a fluffy ball of shouty heads and I love birds. (although, again, the design raises a question; where did that third head go when chiks evolves into duduo?)

Meowsy– I mean c’mon who isn’t going to love this

New Evolutions

Another shocking thing in the list of beta pokes is finding new evolutions to old friends.

Madame– an evolution for Dux. This thing looks fantastic as heck. I’ve always loved Dux and quite honestly it deserves an evolution. I can’t imagine why it would be cut, especially considering how fabulous it is. I’m curious what the ‘cane’ Madame is holding is, and whether it’s still something made of vegetation. Seriously, though, this duck-evolves-to-swan idea is far superior to the later Ducklett/Swanna that came about.

Animon– the evolution we never knew we needed. In all seriousness, it seems utterly pointless for Ditto to evolve (it still only knows the move Transform and nothing else) from a smiley blob to a screamy blob with a spike on its head, but that’s part of what makes it hilarious and charming. It doesn’t make sense for Ditto to even evolve (which is maybe why they scrapped it). It also doesn’t make sense that it evolves with Metal Coat. (were they considering adding a steel typing?) Nothing about Animon makes any sense. But damn, it’s still fantastic.

Twins– At first glance, one could easily assume this is a ghost type, maybe even a nifty beta concept for Ghastly. But this is a Dark/Normal type and a pre-evo for Girafarig. Maybe more then any beta, I feel like this has a backstory behind it I wish we understood. It seems the concept behind Girafarig was much deeper, originally; spirits that were conjoined twins, one dark and evil, one not? It’s quite a twist.

Betas With Major Changes

A lot of pokes in the Spaceworld demo were recognizable but their beta forms often had some pretty significant design differences that were later tweaked. In some cases those tweaks were clear improvements or just adding some polish, but in other cases I honestly prefer the original direction the beta designs were headed.

Girafarig– we’ve known about the beta design of Girafarig for a while now, about its palindrome motif and probably being based on a pushmi-pullyu. It’s only with this beta that we get a really good look at the wonderfully sinister face with Girafarig’s backsprite, though. Ever since I saw Girafarig, I thought its typing ought to be Normal/Dark, and it’s deeply gratifying to see that typing reflected in the beta version. It makes so much more sense and shows the split, dual nature of Girafarig. The entire original design makes so much more sense and it’s strange and confusing that they would ruin that.

Rayleep (beta Mantine)– holy crud you guys, beta Mantine was actually COOL. Playing again on the dual-nature theme, it seems to have an angel-devil motif with the bottomside looking feathery and angelic and sweet and the topside (and backsprite) sporting dark markings and a sinister face. It’s adorable, it’s cool, it’s a fun and neat design, and it’s a thousand times better then the Mantine we ultimately ended up with … which is an incredibly bland, dull ray indeed. What’s more, Mantine’s Flying typing feels far more justified in its beta design, with its cool feathery wings and tail.

Tael (beta Aipom)– I hate Aipom. I always have. Really ugly pokemon and really annoying movepool. Makes me feel itchy and gross just to look at. Tael, on the other hand(s), is a cat with far too many humanlike hands. It’s cute at first and then kinda creepy the more you stare at it, to be honest. But hey, it looks better then that irritating monkey did. That’s all. I don’t have a deeper reason then that, haha. Some people have remarked Gold/Silver’s beta was clearly the Cat generation; cats everywhere, as far as the eye can see. I am OK with this.

Other beta differences I really dig include Murkrow’s more obviously witchy hat, the Hoppip line’s cat theme, and Tangrowth’s very different and snazzy look.

Completely New Betas

Then there are these guys, ones without any ties to any pre-existing pokemon whatsoever.

Wolfman/Warwolf– Excuse me? These fuzzy little things are amazing. It seems to be a small, stout, dark-colored critter wearing yeti pelts, their glowing, beady eyes peering out from the mouth of the pelt. They have a very unique and fascinating desgin and a lot of intrigue to them. I absolutely love them. They’re pure Ice types and seem to have been replaced in Gold/Silver with the Swinub line, which is an even bigger shame, because I don’t like that line’s design one bit. You can keep your pig mammoths, I’ll take the clan of mysterious snow gremlins, please, thanks.

Kurstraw/Pangshi– these two would have been incredible ghost-type additions to the game. A panda voodoo doll and then a panda based off a Jiangshi? Heck yeah. Their sprites both look great and they’re well-designed and obviously a lot of thought went into it. The concept is perfect. So why cut them? Who knows. Some folks have speculated that back then, they may have worried these pokemon were too morbid for a kid’s game, so I suppose that’s possible. They may have also worried about controversey from parents or whatnot. In any case, it’s a huge shame to see them cut from the roster.

Something that’s particularly interesting is that Kurstraw evolves at level 1. It also seems very likely that Curse would have been its signature move.

Rinring/Bellboyant– these two pokes have a clear and appealing design theme behind them. And they’re Dark type. And they’re cats.

How could they throw these two away?!

Other amazing pokemon include a line of Water/Steel types that are based on a shark with an anchor and a gulper eel, a seal that’s a Water/Fire type (!!), Slowbro/Slowking’s shell as a stand-alone pokemon, and a water starter line that looks way cooler then the totodile line.

Anyway, it’s some pretty exciting stuff. This group of beta designs that were dumped on us was so huge that I think we’re all still struggling to mentally process the information. In a way it gives that old pokemon feeling … the thrill of discovering some new neat critter everywhere you look.

This is a repost on a new blog. The original post was on Jun 7, 2018.

[goatkingwc]

CONSUMED THE FIRE - Episode 001 of GKWC

GOAT KING WRITERS CLUB, The loosest storytelling Podcast in all the land, were we don’t let Grammar get in the way of a good yarn.

CONSUMED by Nathan Hull

I had been typing frantically for hours, maybe even days. The never ending task of reporting the news consumed me.

Word after word, it was nothing but a blur of letters on the screen. I don't think i glanced away for a second. I was deep into my work, hands trembling from near exhaustion. The second bottle of house brand scotch two thirds empty, seven packs of cigarettes down. Light trickled in through the slit in my curtains signaling the start of another day. It didn't matter to me time had lost all meaning.

I sent the article through to my editer and demanded another job, ignoring his pleas  for me to slow down "Just send through the fucking assignment" I yelled down the phone, knocking the bottle of scotch from my desk. The frustration almost over flowing into frenzy I stormed out of my small home office into the filthy kitchen adjacent.

Upon entering a pain I'd never felt before shot through me, i ignored it and swung the fridge door open, grasping at the six pack of beer sitting alone on the shelf. I stumbled back dizzy before falling into oblivion. It felt like the floor had disappeared I heard the bottles smash but felt nothing at all, just a calming warm sensation pulling me gently into slumber, a peaceful darkness replaced the manic flashing of ideas that had been fueling me for far to long.

 I awoke to silence and the bright florence lights of a hospital ward beaming obnoxiously into my eyes. I had snapped, trying to finish a never ending task is a sure fire short cut to madness and apparently I had reached that level. The Dr explained that I had collapsed due to sever exhaustion and that a dangerously large mixture of alcohol and prescription grade amphetamines had been reported in my system. He gave me a stern lecture and ordered I rest up for some time to come.

I begrudgingly took his advice and relaxed with the days News Paper skipping through the first few pages like a book I had read many times before. At page eleven however I stopped a small laugh burst through my lips, there it was the most ironic thing I had ever seen. A small article titled "Local journalists dangerous decent into chaos" a two hundred word piece about yours truly.i smiled, how beautiful it was, i had been so consumed by the news that eventually, i had become the news.

THE FIRE by Sean Conway

The fire is burning through the bush quicker than I was expecting, the heat is not the most fearful part but the thunderous noise of the wood burning, sounds like a thousand cat of nine tails cracking all around us.

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT, WHY DID YOU ASH ON THE GROUND” Devon, the lippy British back packer bellowed “it’s just a little bit of fire mate, relax” I replied reassuring him through my tears unconvincingly. “WE’RE GOING TO DIE, WE’RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE” Devon kept screaming in an urgent cry. Jesus Christ this back packer has not stopped complaining since I met him at the hostel, I wanted to tell him to fuck off but I had more important things to worry about, like getting out of this mess and suing the tobacco companies and the government’s cigarette pack warnings for not once making me aware of the potential for bush fires by their product. They literally have warnings for everything else except the one thing that can kill you immediately.

Ah man when I sue these political fat cats I’m totally going to buy a sweet double storey house with my winnings, I imagine suing for Bush fire warnings would be a landmark legal case, I’d probably make the front page of the Newspaper. I might even have enough money left over to buy a chrome Lamborghini, fuck yeah that would be sweet!

“WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?” cried out Devon waking me from my daydream and bringing me back to this deadly reality.

This whole waiting around to die must be playing with my head because I have never thought this before and it seems weird thinking this now, but fire is hot, like ridiculously hot. I looked over to Devon as he continued frantically searching for a way out of the path of the fire “Hey Devon, how hots this fire ah” I said as it fell on Devon’s deaf ears, he blatantly ignored my observation. Sure these are dyer times but that doesn’t mean you have to be rude.

I guess Devon is done searching for a way out because he is collapsed into a ball on the ground “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die OH MY GOD I DON’T WANT TO DIE” Devon screamed over dramatically to the skies like a soap opera star, fuck his voice is annoying.

The situation is becoming increasingly stressful and the anxiety is starting to get to me, I really need a cigarette but knowing Devon he’s probably going to have a bitch and moan about it, but fuck him I paid $50 for these Winnie Reds and I’ve only smoked one. I am not going to die letting a perfectly good packet of cigarettes go to waste.

Reaching into my pocket trying to retrieve my lighter without Devon noticing, Jesus where the fuck is it? Are you serious? in all the commotion I must have lost it. It’s moments like this that make me appreciate how crazy and random the world is sometimes, we’re literally surrounded by fire and if we weren’t on the verge of being burnt alive in this hell hole I would consider myself lucky.

The first breath of that sweet sweet Winnie red is always my favourite, it’s almost magical how that first intoxicating breath can make even the most terrifying situation bearable “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS CUNT? YOU’RE SMOKING! YOU’RE SMOKING!” Devon screamed as he rose from the ground with murderous rage “Do you Poms do anything other than fucking complain” I belched back through a cloud of Winnie Red Smoke. I’m really sick of his whinging, I would have given him a piece of my mind but I was too busy trying to do the maths in my head on how long it would take for me to smoke all these cigarettes before the fire consumed us, but before I could figure out the answer Devon’s hands stained from fake tan are wrapped around my throat. “What are you doing?” I gargled, the heat of the fire made his hands super sweaty, It feels like an eel and smells like coco butter, two things I despise especially when they are crushing my wind pipe. “Get off me Devon, your hands are sweaty and gross” I said chokingly and wishing I said something tougher “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU, I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU” Devon spat in a salvia filled scream. Man I wished I had said something cool like that rather than your hands are sweaty and gross. I should really fight back but what’s the point, this will probably be a better way to go out, better than cooking alive in the middle of nowhere. I also think I should punch Devon in his Geordie Shore face because in these stressful times he has been a bit of a cunt, that’s how a hero would go out.

I mustered my remaining strength and clenched my fist as hard as I could and wham right in his kisser, to my surprise this worked because Devon jumped off me screaming in pain, he sounds like a dying lama “Ahahalaladahdahdal”. I must of really brought the pain for him to make such a cowardly cry.

The noise Devon is making sounds more and more pathetic, being the asshole that he is I thought he’d be use to people punching him in the head “YOU BURNT MY FACE YOU CUNT” his venomous mouth spit. I must have punched him with my cigarette still lit in my hand. Looking at the ground and seeing the remains of my crumbled cigarette infuriated me, it didn’t matter that I still have a full pack in my pocket, Fuck Devon! If I can’t beat him physically then I will have to beat him mentally, by saying the most badass line imaginable before we both disintegrate to dust “GET USED TO IT ASSHOLE! BECAUSE IN ABOUT 2 MINUTES YOU’RE GOING TO BE NOTHING BUT FUCKING ASH” I screamed aggressively but chuffed with myself for thinking of such a badass line so quickly “so will you, you fucking twat” Devon responded throwing me off my guard with his even quicker rebuttal “Yeah well, fuck you” I responded immediately knowing I had ruined the badass line prior and losing this battle of mental warfare.

Devon is celebrating his verbal stoush win by charging at me like an angry Bull in Pamplona. The thought of having Devon’s gross manky swamp hands wrapped around my throat again was what was helping me fight him off, but it was too late his uncooked sausage paws latched onto me sending shivers down my spine. The only thing going through my mind is how disgusting his sloppy hands are as I slowly fade in and out of consciousness.

The fire must be really close now because I can feel beads of sweat pour off his head from the heat, I felt Devon release his hands from my throat, I’m not sure if I’m dead but I’ll pretend I am so Devon doesn’t put his icky squid fingers around my throat to finish the job.

Playing possum was working until I was awaken by a liquid spraying on my face “AH WHAT THE FUCK DEVON ARE YOU PISSING ON ME?” how much more disgusting can this cunt get? “I’m not pissing on you look” Devon said pointing to the Heaven’s as the water started flowing down our faces like a baptism from God. “What’s happening?” I mumbled, this must be the DMT releasing into our brains because we’re dying, I listen to a lot of Joe Rogan so I’m familiar with this situation, “I don’t know I don’t know” Devon responded in his cunty British accent. The fire around us was being extinguished as the water continued raining down on us, I quickly got my Winnie reds and put them in the front of my pants so they wouldn’t get ruined by the water.

Out in the distance, through the Smokey haze I can see the flashing of blue and red lights, that could only be from fire trucks. “WE’RE SAVED, WE’RE FUCKING SAVED” Devon shouted with tears of joy and excitement. I was less excited because staring at the flashing lights of the fire trucks I came to the sudden realisation I probably didn’t have a case against the tobacco companies and the government fat cats and I was probably facing a lengthy jail sentence for negligence for starting a bush fire.

“OVER HERE OVER HERE” Devon began screaming to the fire fighters “over here over here” I screamed with a lot less enthusiasm. I’m not sure if it was the fire or the choking or the overwhelming confusion of being saved and facing a long prison sentence but something is making me woozy, like that fine line of feeling drunkenly happy to spewy drunk.

Waking up in an ambulance is not a new experience for me, but being surrounded by fire fighters and ambos looking at me like a freak show attraction is definitely an odd feeling. “So what happened, you guys have no idea how lucky you are to be alive” the Fire Department Chief said to us in a stern but congratulative voice. Lucky wouldn’t be the word I would use to describe the situation, I’m facing serious jail time, I haven’t been to prison before and wasn’t looking forward to finding out if all those prison rape stories are true. The idea of it made me more and more anxious.The only thing I could think to do was reach into the front of my undies and pull out my full pack Winnie Reds cigarettes, must look like a creep to the fire fighters and Ambos, but I’m too anxious to care “Do you have a light?” I said to the group surrounding me. The spark that was lit in front of my face didn’t do much for my anxiety but I thought it was fitting that what was potentially my last cigarette as a free man is being lit by The Fire Department Chief.

Breathing in that sweet sweet Winnie Red takes the sting out of any uncomfortable situation “So what happened out there?” The Fire Department Chief said with a controlled curiosity. I was sensing their excitement so I took a long deep breath of that Winnie Red for dramatic effect, blowing out the smoke I could feel I was giving off a real James Dean or John Wayne kind of vibe.

“Well fella’s, here’s the story”

The End

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[meelsonwheelsies]

KOTLC: A Robin Hood AU ~Chapter 2

A/N: I started this like a year ago, and my writing has progressed greatly since then. The first couple of chapters are rather poor, but since I am too busy to rewrite them at the moment I will just have to post them as is!

So, without further ado, here is chapter two!

Previously:

"A contest. Apparently, Prince Fintan is coming to Nottingham. Rumor has it that the Prince," Will said his name with disgust, "is concerned about the Sheriff. He's worried that the Sheriff isn't doing his job, so he's going to hold a contest to elect a new Sheriff."

"Who can participate in the contest?" Keefe asked.

"Any man of noble birth or rank," Will replied.

"Fitz, you could become Sheriff!" Linh exclaimed.

"No, I can't," Fitz said. "The Sheriff will recognize me. My status is broken. I can't exactly sign up as Robin Hood, either."

"I could do it," Keefe quietly said. "My parents were-"

"I'm not sure," I said in my deep fake voice. I've become quite good at mimicking.

"Why not?" asked Tam.

"The contest is extremely difficult. There will be a series of challenges, including brutal fight, swordplay, and finally, an archery competition," I listed. "If you won, you would be thrust under the spotlight of the Prince, who is working to eliminate Fitz."

"What if Fitz was disguised as a noble?" Linh thought aloud.

I shook my head. "It won't-"

"What if Fitz was disguised as a noble, but the noble would be someone we trust? If Fitz won the competition, then the noble could do the rest," Tam said.

We stared at him. "That's brilliant," said Keefe.

"I try," said Tam, smirking.

"But who would the noble be?" I asked, still skeptical. Though the plan had merit, I wasn't sure if we could actually pull it off.

Linh thought for a moment. "What about Lord Tiergan?"

"Yes," said Fitz. "I also knew him when I was younger. He wasn't fond of my father, but I could make it work."

"I can pass along the message," I offered.

"All right," said Fitz. "Just make sure that he's on our side. But we should have a backup, just in case. Who else?"

"There's always the esteemed Lord Erroll Forkle," Linh said. Tam snorted.

"That might actually work," I said. "He's known to be good friends with...a colleague of mine."

I mentally smacked myself. How did I almost blow my cover? Fitz was just so easy to talk to...snap out of it! He doesn't even know I'm a girl! I wish that-

"Lord Forkle it is, then," Fitz decided. Man, his eyes...

"Anything else we should know?" asked Keefe.

I hesitated and racked my brain. There was one thing they should probably know. I wasn't happy with the fact, either.

"Did I forget to mention that the winner also obtains Lady Sophie Foster's hand in marriage?" I said, unable to believe that I had just admitted the embarrassing fact.

Linh frowned. "Won't that mean that Lord Tiergan would have to marry her, then?"

I nearly gagged. What? How did I seal my fate with Lord Tiergan? Or worse, Lord Erroll? It was times like these when I was thankful that they couldn't see my burning face.

"No!" exclaimed Fitz, making me jump. "I mean, are you sure? Maybe they meant Lady Stina, or-"

"I'm positive," I sighed in despair.

"Why Fitz?" pressed Keefe. "I mean, I wouldn't want to force the marriage with Lord Tiergan on anyone, but what's it to you? Secret feelings for our lovely Lady? You know-"

"No, Keefe, I'm just worried that this would drive him away from agreeing," Fitz said softly while my heart sank. "We need this plan to work so badly."

Keefe took his hand and smirked. "Say what you want, lover boy, but emotions speak the truth every time."

"As much as I'd like to listen to your squabbles, I really do need to go," I said, cheeks aflame. "Do we have a verdict?"

"Yes," said Tam. "We can always steal the lovely Lady Sophie before she has to marry. Or, a marriage annulment could be instated. And besides, this is our best chance to restore peace to Nottingham."

"If I find anything else, I can't come here again," I said. People would get suspicious. Three times in one week was too risky.

"Can you transmit?" asked Linh.

"Well...yes," I said. "Who should I transmit to? It doesn't have to be a telepath."

"You could transmit to Fitz," said Linh with a sly grin on her face.

"That's fine with me," he said.

I nodded, trying not to look ecstatic. "If one of you ever needs something, transmit. Then meet me at the top of Lady Sophie's tower."

"Lady Sophie's tower?" Keefe asked, confused.

"Yes," I said. "We are close friends. She is trustworthy and knows everything. Lady Sophie can also be of service if you need access or lodging."

"Thank you, Will Scarlet," Fitz said. Was that jealousy in his eyes? It flashed for a second but went away quickly. I started to walk away. "One of these days we will find out your true identity!"

I turned around, smirking. "You can try, Fitz, you can try!" I took off running to my horse, Silveny.

I wonder if they ever will find out. Half of me hopes they will while the other doesn't. As Silveny and I ride, the wind rips through my hair. Ever since I was little, I've loved the sensation of riding. Tonight, however, there were other matters on my mind.

As they teased Fitz, I kept thinking about my silly crush on him. It was pretty stupid of me, considering my situation. Being married to Lord Tiergan...I shuddered. How did this happen to me? Everything was perfectly fine before King Grady left. Then his awful nephew took over as regent and...yeah.

A swirling storm of emotions overcame me as I neared my tower. I quietly secured Silveny in the stables, then climbed up my tower. There were guards posted at the bottom of the stairs, so I had no choice but to climb. The castle's entrance was no good either.

I entered my bedroom and walked over to my door. Because I greased the hinges, the door swung open soundlessly. A strawberry blond guard was sleeping outside. I tapped his shoulder.

"Dex, I'm back!" I whisper shouted.

His head snapped up. "Did you have fun?"

Thank you for reading!!

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[thelifetimechannel]

The Dave and Dirk log, for obvious reasons, was something I wanted to try very hard to get right. That meant although we drafted it together via msparp, as was our custom, I ended up overhauling it way more than any of our other combo walkaround logs. A few chunks did survive the transfer, though.

In other news, we’ve made a solemn pact to finish TLC over winter break, which is good because I’m running out of bonus content. Hopefully we’ll have some assets to show off soon. I’ve already seen a few; they’re very nice.  

DIRK: Hey, dude. You did pretty well out there. DIRK: Didn't even die once. DAVE: twice in a day is my max im satisfied with keeping that record DAVE: even if getting machinegunned is rapidly becoming my "thing" DIRK: Seems we each have our respective "signature deaths". DIRK: Or at least it ain't a party until I get decapitated. That sure was something we needed to do again. DIRK: Just once, for old time's sake. DAVE: well that puts the nail in the meme coffin DAVE: any time you panic someones gonna tell you to keep your head on DAVE: like keeping your hair on except you know that shit aint going anywhere its probably shellaced DIRK: That shit is bolted to the floor. Did you know I walked around with a girly-ass pink tiara on my head this whole day and had no idea? DIRK: I had no idea. Couldn't feel a thing. DIRK: And people let me do that. DIRK: Can't fuckin' believe it. DAVE: oh DAVE: i figured you knew DIRK: I am less than pleased with my Skaia-ordained divine color scheme. DIRK: But I guess I have to live with it. It's part of the team aesthetic. DAVE: you could always change DIRK: Nah, with the tiara and tights ditched I have at least mitigated the enforced flamboyance. It's bearable. DIRK: I can't be the one dude out of uniform. Couldn't bear the shame. DAVE: my outfit is pretty sick ngl DAVE: sburb knows everyones secret desire is to have a cape DIRK: Unfortunately, mine isn't long enough to also make for a good tactical maneuver. DIRK: Not gonna lie, that was pretty funny. DAVE: if nothing else my attempts at combat can provide a source of humor in our lives DAVE: but honestly id be fine if my fighting days were over DAVE: i was never into it DAVE: rose on the other hand was obviously itching to beat people up DAVE: one of those 12 year olds who wants to get jumped in an alley to work out her suppressed anger DIRK: Maybe Skaia did make a few miscalculations in dumping your asses with your respective guardians. I think you'd get along well with Roxy and her cats, make her budget her time away from the alcohol. DIRK: ...in theory. DIRK: Rose can go a few rounds with me if she wants, we still need to sort out who has the rights to document our legendary journies. DAVE: ill plan your funeral DAVE: what kind of flowers do you want DIRK: ...there's different kinds? DAVE: damn thats right you grew up in waterworld DAVE: these choices matter DAVE: allegedly theres a thing called "flower language" DAVE: whether you can actually send someone a boquet telling them to meet you in the pit i dont know DIRK: Like, I get that, in theory, different kinds of flowers exist. But I fully anticipate any attempt on my part to conjugate in the language of said plants would end in my coffin declaring my hovercraft was indeed full of eels. DIRK: Maybe it'll have thorns on it. Or it'll be like the sixteen millions tons of green bullshit covering my land and making my nose itch. DAVE: probably DIRK: Worst case scenario, I'll pick out something orange and present to a prospective love interest and it'll mean something like "my brotherly passion for you knows no boundaries, and also no homo". DAVE: my bro wouldnt go for flower arranging DAVE: or pink tiaras DAVE: he was pretty uptight about the whole rah rah macho act DAVE: probably subscribed to alpha males weekly DAVE: which is weird considering DAVE: well DAVE: youre gay right DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Well. DIRK: My symbolic quest land is not covered in green bullshit, but I. DIRK: Happen to like watching birds, if you know what I mean. DIRK: Fuck, you probably don't know what that means. Jake and his goddamn thousand euphemisms. DAVE: cant say i do no DIRK: Nobody knows what it means but Jake. It's an old time epithet for being into dudes. DIRK: He knows all the old epithets, including some I suspect he made up. DAVE: so DAVE: thats a yes DAVE: in a roundabout way that includes birds DIRK: I've never denied it. DIRK: I'm just. DIRK: Not a huge fan of the word. Why, in this world post-society, do we need to confine ourselves to labels like "gay"? Such constraints were washed away from my world with the rest of the human race. DAVE: holy shit that was such a pretentious dodge DAVE: dont let rose hear you say that DIRK: Rose can hear all she likes. DAVE: but anyway DAVE: i wasnt asking to get up all in your business like SOME PEOPLE DAVE: who are so into getting into other peoples businesses theyre basically the fucking mafia or the irs DAVE: but DAVE: it explains some stuff DAVE: but on the other hand it doesnt DAVE: the way you raised me was kinda aggressively mainstream masculine enough that it wasnt something that ever seemed to come up as an option DAVE: [describe that type of culture and mindset better later, I KNOW what i mean but im tired rn lmao] DAVE: and anything outside of that id just brush off because it couldnt apply to me DAVE: and that went for pretty much everything that went against what you wanted for me DAVE: including that DIRK: And yet, here the man was, subconsciously shrieking his desire for floppy felt dong through, DIRK: What I guess you could call his art, for want of any other applicable word at all. God, the mental images are crawling up the insides of my skull like the Exorcist child, do I want to know? DAVE: probably not DAVE: guess trying to act peak male has its drawbacks DAVE: weirdly enough troll culture is obsessively hyperviolent but doesnt give a shit about sexuality DAVE: they dont see the difference most of the time i guess DAVE: and so like DAVE: maybe it rubs off on you because in some ways that kind of makes sense DAVE: but after so long its hard to know what i feel and what it means because i spent so long ignoring it DAVE: so i guess i was wondering DAVE: if you had anything that might help with that DAVE: or if youre also trapped in this whirling screaming maelstrom of bullshit DAVE: while kinsey sits in the eye of the storm laughing DIRK: Wait, wait, wait. DIRK: You're coming to me. DIRK: For advice. DIRK: Do you know what a laughable hurricane of disaster my interpersonal life has been? DIRK: Like, in a weird way, I'm kind of honored, especially since about five hours ago you were scared shitless to be around me, but. DIRK: I'm standing here and waving my credentials in the air just to display how I don't fucking have any. My degree is a sham and my hands are empty except for a crudely scribbled on piece of construction paper. DAVE: are you suggesting theres a gay university DAVE: where you study bird watching DIRK: Do I look like a man who's been to college? DAVE: fair DAVE: but like DAVE: your friends know DAVE: how did you broach the subject there DIRK: I might as well have been dating a Yoko Ono for the devastation it wreaked on our friend group, so yeah, it was a little hard to ignore. DIRK: Compounded by the fact some smartass from Gay University was using my social circle for romance geometry homework. DIRK: It wasn't even a love triangle so much as a love roundabout. DAVE: ok but thats just because you were a dipshit not a gay dipshit DAVE: they were chill about the first part right DIRK: Thanks. DIRK: I mean... Roxy always seemed disappointed. DAVE: luckily i dont think anyones waiting in line for me DAVE: i guess im blowing it out of proportion DAVE: i dont think anyone will MIND DAVE: no one did about rose and kanaya DAVE: didnt even question the vampire bit which goes to show what our lives are like these days DAVE: like ok our outfit has vampires now DAVE: thats a thing that we have DAVE: if i say oh hey i might be bisexual theyll just say sure pull up a chair at the acronym table DAVE: the only one who might be weird about it is john DAVE: but hed be just as weird if i told him id changed my favorite color hes just like that DAVE: the only person its really a big deal for is me DIRK: Jane was a little bit like that. I'm pretty sure the only reason she had to object was because she found out the day I made a move on her crush. DIRK: It might just be growing up in a household where you're not regularly fighting for your life, and thus what genders are kissing whom has the space to be higher on your priority list. DAVE: that aint anyones priority these days DAVE: im prepared to acknowledge the concept that hey maybe everyone elses lives dont revolve around me and my personal drama or self revelations might have some merit at least as a hypothesis DAVE: when i met kid english he kept going on about how i was the most important person and everyone else was side characters DAVE: and maybe ive acted like that sometimes DIRK: Yeah, like you alone are the one responsible for everyone around you. DAVE: and maybe ive acted like i think that way too sometimes DAVE: ive been wrong about people DAVE: people i care about people i shouldve known better DAVE: i was wrong because i wanted to believe things that matched how i wanted the world to be DAVE: things that made it easier for the story i was telling myself DAVE: i dont think kid english meant to call me on it but damn DIRK: Reality is, after all, something we construct for ourselves. DIRK: I think maybe I knew that all along when I surfaced for air inbetween shoving my head as far up my ass as it would go. DIRK: Or maybe that's just what I try to tell myself in hindsight. DAVE: well if it takes a hyperactive 12 year old version of the final bosss creepy hero worship of me to make a point i guess thats not the least subtle way the universe has sent me a message lately DIRK: You want unsubtle? Let me tell you about my damn planet quest. DAVE: haha DAVE: i didnt have to do much of my quest because im invisible DAVE: thanks mom DIRK: My denizen practically sat me down like it was my life coach and growled in my ear about improving my communication skills with a guy I told to go fuck himself not eighteen hours prior. DIRK: So while I'm glad SBURB has a vested interest in me repairing my friendships, playing electroshock death DDR with him was a little on the nose. DAVE: maybe getting shot again wasnt that bad DAVE: so weve all learned our life lessons good job team DIRK: Exactly. Can we wrap this up now? Can we please go rest? DIRK: I'm so exhausted I haven't even noticed I'm still hungover. DAVE: sure thing DAVE: but if i need tips on leaping out of a closet to intimidate passerby i might text you DIRK: I mean, I can try. As long as you don't ask me for dating tips. That, I definitely shouldn't be helping you with. DIRK: Go talk to your sister for that. DIRK: ...wouldn't she, by the transitive property of siblings, also be my sister? DAVE: yeah i guess DAVE: but theres no way in hell im asking rose for dating advice DAVE: on her first date which she refused to admit was romantically oriented she got wasted in anticipation forgot to show up and then fell down the stairs DIRK: Oh my god. DAVE: she tries to look like shes got her shit together but its a lie DAVE: if you find my corpse floating on lolar in the next few hours dont let the truth die with me DIRK: Why are we like this? DIRK: Is there actually something hardwired into our DNA that predisposes us to being disasters? DIRK: But, that aside. DIRK: I won't object if it's me you come to talk to. DAVE: ill hold you to it DAVE: and if you ever want to publicly you admit you DAVE: "enjoy birdwatching" DAVE: in less vague and evasive terms DAVE: ill have your back DIRK: Thanks.

[spacebrick3]

Experiment S-80 Part 5

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

Year 2, Day 27: 9.20.2383

TESTING ROOM 0201: Recording Of Remaining Functional Test Subjects S-80, S-84, S-85, S-87

“What the hell are we doing here?” Maryn asked, jogging over to him.

Evan glanced over at the glass, where the scientists were undoubtedly watching, then back to her. He shrugged. “They said something about…controlled interaction? I think? Making sure that we haven’t all turned into robots or something?”

“But why should they care?” she asked. “I mean, wouldn’t they want us to be their perfect little soldiers?”

He shrugged again. “Don’t know.”

“Actually, why aren’t we doing that?” Fostre asked, spinning around in his seat. “Wouldn’t it make this whole thing easier?”

“For once, would you just - Read - The - Goddamn - Files - before asking your stupid questions?” Jensky snapped back.

“Humor me.”

“Fine. We aren’t…hijacking their brains or anything because a) we don’t know how to, and b) that’s not the purpose of this experiment. We’re trying to make better soldiers. And better soldiers are better because they can make their own decisions on the fly, not because they’re blindly obedient.”

“I assume they’re listening to everything we say, right?”

Maryn nodded. “Yeah. Probably not a great time to discuss our personal lives, then. Or mine, at least. Since you don’t remember yours, that might be…difficult.”

Also probably not a good idea to discuss our escape plans, he added mentally. That raised the question of when would work, considering they were kept in separate rooms, but they could figure it out later. Right now they’d just have to act the part of the good little test subjects. “So what should we, uh, interact about, then?” he asked awkwardly.

She shifted her jaw. “I guess we could talk to, you know, other people. Hey - uh, 85 - person! Come talk to us!” she shouted, waving over the other subject. They were maybe average height, with chopped-off brown hair and nervous, darting eyes, who moved with a slight limp. 

“Um - hi, I guess,” they said after a moment. Evan noted that, for whatever reason, the wiring in their eye had been done with copper rather than silver. Interesting. “I don’t know. What do you want me to talk about?” ‘Oh yes, I hear the weather which I haven’t seen for over a year is nice, but I hear there might be rain on Friday. Is today Friday? I don’t know!”

“Wait - it’s fine - everything’s fine,” Maryn said, placing a hand on their shoulder. “Really. Now if you can just-“

“Fine?!” they shouted, jerking away. “What about this is fine?!”

She held her hands out in a pleading gesture. “Okay. Yes. You’re right. It’s not fine. But panicking isn’t going to help. So why don’t you tell us your name, maybe who you are if you can remember, and we can - work from there.”

Their eyes darted around once again, but finally they sighed. “Sure. Sure. Fine. Whatever. My name is, uh…” They hesitated. “Blue. I’m they. Now what?”

“You see this?” Sam said. “Are we sure we should be letting them talk like this? What if they start to - I don’t know, conspiricize?”

“Conspiricize? Is that a word you just said?” Hughes asked. “And yes, we have to let them.”

“Mmhmm.” He took another drink from the bottle next to the screen. Hughes hoped it was water and not alcohol. 

She sighed. “I know you have no social skills whatever, but surely you must see it. If we want to implant these in healthy, developed brains, we have to know that there’s no ill effects before or after. And surprise surprise, being able to interact with other people is important to that. Maybe you can get by without them, but a platoon of soldiers can’t.”

“But we don’t have to let them be together,” he objected. “We can just talk to them ourselves.”

“You’re right - if they talked to you, there’d be no risks of forming any type of sympathy. But that’s not the point. Most of this exercise isn’t for those three. They’re adults.” She jerked a thumb at the corner of the room, where the fourth subject was still crouched. “It’s for her.”

“What now?” Evan said. “Well, ‘Blue’ - I’m assuming that isn’t your real name - what do you want to do?”

“Me? I don’t - I don’t know.” 

“Well, I do,” Maryn said, crossing her arms. “There’s four of us here that are still going for testing. So we should go over and talk to the fourth. She’s what - S-80? I think?”

“Wait - I thought there were just three of us! There’s four?” Blue said, looking alarmed.

Maryn pinched the bridge of her nose, although the gesture didn’t work quite as well as it could have because she had to move some of the implants out of the way first. “Yes. If any of you were more observant than eels, then you should have seen 80 over…there.” She pointed to the corner.

Both of them turned to look at once, but she stopped them. “No!” she hissed. “I don’t think - you’re going to scare her!”

“Scare her?” Blue whispered back. “Isn’t this scary enough?”

“So you’re saying make it scarier? Do you really - do you really think that’s the best idea? Really?”

They backed down. “Fine, okay, fine. So what do you want to do then? Huh? I’m pretty sure if we want to talk to her, at least one of us is going to have to be damn well looking at her.”

“And it’s not going to be you,” she snapped back. “I’ll do it. You guys just - hang back or whatever. And don’t make it worse.”

While the two of them were arguing, Evan shot a surreptitious glance at the corner she had indicated. It took him a second to see her - the lighting was spotty at best, and having only one eye didn’t help. But she was there. Only the implants gave it away, really - the faint glimmer of light on metal. But now that he knew she was there, he could pick out the faint outlines of a grey jumpsuit, of dark skin and chopped-off curly black hair. And he inwardly cursed, too, because she couldn’t have been more than five.

She noticed him. True to what Maryn had said, her eye widened in fear and she tried to push herself farther back into the corner. Maryn noticed too. “Hell, Evan, I told you not to-“ She sighed in exasperation. “Fine. I am going over. Since you are apparently incapable of anything. Don’t-“ She pointed first at Blue, then at him. “-screw this up.”

They both nodded. She turned and made her way slowly over to the corner, holding her hands out to indicate she wasn’t holding anything. “Hello,” she said softly to the girl still huddled in the corner. “I’m Maryn. It’s - it’s nice to meet you. Do you have a name?”

There was silence. The girl was still pushed as far as she could get into the corner, and her one eye flickering around the room. He wondered if she even knew what they were saying. After a second, though, she shook her head. 

“Oh. That’s alright,” Maryn said, kneeling down to talk to her. “We’ll just have to figure one out for you. Would you like that?”

Another pause, then the girl nodded. She still hadn’t made a sound.

“Okay. Yeah. We can do that,” she said kindly. “Um…you’re S-80. S-80. S80. What about…Sadie? How do you feel about Sadie?”

She - Sadie, now - nodded. She hadn’t moved from her spot, but Evan thought that she might look a little bit less scared now. “Where are you from, Sadie?” Maryn asked. “Do you remember?”

Another shake of the head. “That’s alright,” she said. “Listen. I know you’re scared. I know you don’t quite know what’s going on. But it’s going to be alright. It’s going to be fine.”

“You - you…promise?” she asked. It was a small voice, unsteady and fearful, but it was there.

Maryn took her hand. “I promise,” she said.

Tagging @cogwrites, @lady-redshield-writes, @no-url-ideas-tho, @ratracechronicler, @ken-kenwrites, @ravenpuffwriter, @cirianne, @lonelylibrary, @endlesshourglass, @micastarsandmirrors - if you want to be added or removed, just let me know!

[tgwtgrumours-blog]

oh boy.....

I don’t know, you don’t post for 6 years and the whole fandom explodes.....

 So, I saw my name dropped on kiwi farms (I’ve been a Cwc lurker since Bluespike, yes, I’m old,) I decided that I probably should post with everything going on. 

I had resigned some time ago that I had put my days of internet detectivering (A word I made up) behind me, but I guess I gotta dust off my keyboard.

Who am I:

Ok, I was a fan of the tgwtg crew, a huge fan and I’ve always been strong with google-FYI so I thought I’d use my powers for good.  At the time tgwtg was pretty big and there were a lot of rumours going about, and being the kind of person who is #foreverlurking on sites like SA, the chans, ED, tvtropes, etc,  I was seeing a lot of shit talk about contributors who I liked.  I also saw that Rants who used to run (not sure if they still do) the tgwtg secrets tumblr was getting a lot of stuff at the time about various rumours going around, and Rants didn’t have the information to respond to them.

I thought I would provide my services as a sort of neutral  party who would purely answer this stuff factually and maybe try to stop lies being spread throughout the internet. I think my most significant post was about JesuOtaku, then Hope, now Jacob.

There had been rumours for a long time about homophobia on JO’s part, and I did some extensive research for that one.  On a hard drive I still have the hundreds of screenshots I made of literally every forum post in which JO had said something shitty.  I delved very deeply and spoke to people who knew JO IRL, they said that they felt JO was a nice person who had never been mean or nasty to them.  I concluded that while JO was younger he had made some shitty posts but had since become a better person.  Hence the rumour was technically true, but JO had reformed his opinion. Of course that was before all the stuff with Nash, so..... yeah.

Why did I stop posting:

There were a number of reasons.  I’ve always suffered with mental health issues, namely depression, ocd and ptsd, and that makes me erratic at times about commitments, which was a small part of it.

The other reason was largely to do with a video called “things tgwtg fans say” -this was made by mostly chez apocalypse people and there were two things which began to sit very badly with me in that video. 

The first one was, I believe Elisa, saying “I’m worried about spoony” - this was PRE Spoony meltdown, and I myself was one of the fans concerned about his mental health issues and his erratic behaviour.  We all know how that ended, don’t we?

I didn’t like the idea of this video taking the piss out of fans was not just poking fun, there was genuine reason to be concerned about Spoony’s behaviour, as was proved shortly afterwards. I don’t know who made the decision to include that line, but it made me feel very uncomfortable. 

The second was Kyle aka Oan Citizen saying “I hate Rants!”  Everyone thought that it meant Rants as in ranting, but after Rants of the tgwtg secrets tumblr had said they liked the video, Kyle went out of his way to let Rants know that line was directed at them personally. Kyle didn’t think this was inappropriate at all until Hagan told him off and he apologised and the video was edited to cut that line.

‘Shortly after Kyle’s apology was added to his ‘crowning moment of heartwarming’ section on tvtropes. I couldn’t help but think, “these guys make videos on the internet and get money for watches and they’re openly insulting the people who watch their videos to their faces.”

That made me feel sick to my stomach. 

It STILL makes me eel sick to my stomach 6 years later.  

Kyle had also tweeted (then deleted before I got a chance to screenshot) a tweet saying “I just want some people to know I hate them. Deeply.” This was aimed at Rants.

Rants ran a blog where people made posts about people saying they fancied this producer or thought that producer was cute - so yeah, I didn’t like this.

Then.... ugh...  I’m sorry, I started getting messages about Jew Wario.

I have various screenshots I will share, but can’t share some for various reasons, mostly I’m not at home right now, I’m on holiday abroad, and I’m posting on my iPad. I’m having a holiday because my Dad died last month from a long battle with brain cancer so I need to chill, y’all.

The stuff I was getting was really disturbing so I’m just going to post the one screen cap of me asking Rants if they’d been getting anything, though I erroneously refer to his victim as his girlfriend for some reason, I think I’d thought they were dating. When I get home I’ll go through all my archive and see what else I have saved.

 It put me off the fandom in a big way, I decided to take a break, which turned into a complete hiatus. I was scared of the information. I was just a girl, sitting in her room, watching videos about bad movies, then suddenly I was being told about crimes and fans were being attacked. 

I didn’t want to be a part of it and I ran away. 

I was a coward. 

I was much younger, more naive, and didn’t possess the social skills to be able to deal with it or process it properly. 

I’m sorry. 

I’m so sorry. 

I feel that I have a proportional piece of blame, but after Justin’s suicide I felt the issue was over, in a Jimmy Saville way and tried to move on. Even though I no longer visited tgwtg/channel awesome any longer, I felt intense guilt for years and that is part of the reason I stopped posting. 

Again, I’m sorry. 

During my tenure as internet detective I had the opportunity to speak with several producers, Lupa, Brad, Linkara, Holly and others, everyone who I spoke to personally was friendly and helpful and generally really lovely people. 

I didn’t start the blog to upset anyone, I just wanted to be a small part of something that I enjoyed immensely as a fan and the only talent I had was the ability to read through 149 forum pages in one night and make sense of it all.

I should have spoken up, and I can’t take that back now, but I hope I can find a way to make it up to the people my silence hurt.

Elf xoxo

[bluboothalassophile]

A Weekend We’ll Never Remember!

Complicatedly Simple...

One Day Later…

Dick sat on a plane with Jason, and Jason was reading a book, B was flying and the silence was stifling as the girls weren’t with them.

“Any idea where Kori and Raven went?” Dick asked.

“Nope,” Jason replied, popping his ‘p’ in that irritating way which grated Dick’s teeth.

Dick must have made some sort of sound because Jason looked over the edge of his book then with narrowed blue eyes (not a tint of green in them for the first time in so long). “Listen Dickhead, Kori said she wanted time to think, soberly, without you, so I said sure and gave her the money. Besides that, I owe Raven a vacation and gave her the money to go wherever the hell she wanted to go.”

“You and Kori seem close.”

“Yup,” Jason agreed; again, popping his ‘p’ in that grating way.

“Jason…” Dick started.

“Shut up,” Jason snapped, then looked at the cockpit before setting his book down and jabbing his finger at Dick with that authority look Bruce had when Bruce was mad with them. “Listen closely Dickhead because I’m only going to say this once, because I swear to fucking God if you tell anyone I said this I’ll cut out your tongue and feed it to eels or something before denying it for all of eternity.

“If you want Kori, you’re going to go home, you’re going to straighten out this fucking mess with Shawn; I don’t want details, but you can’t have both Dickhead so it’s either Kori or Shawn. And for once I hope you’re smart because if you break Kori’s heart I will hunt you down and kill you in the most painful way I know how to. You will straighten out this thing with Shawn, and once that’s done, you’ll call Kori. Don’t think I’m giving you the number now, but sort out Shawn and I will.

“Then you’re going to move, new place, not your bachelor pad, then you’ll court Kori, for real. Don’t even think about the sex shit until she says she wants it because she’ll smack you, no, she’ll blast you. And if you survive all that, you’ll marry her proper and not fuck it up.”

“Any suggestions for the first date?” Dick asked his little brother blandly.

“She likes dancing, try taking her out for salsa or tango or something,” Jason shrugged picking his book up again and Dick just blinked at Jason’s answer.

“Dancing?”

“Are you deaf Dickhead?” Jason retorted.

“And you’re helping me why?”

“Because Kori loves you, Dick, and not the teen puppy love you had for her as teens. Kori is head over heels, will die for you, will destroy worlds for you in love with you, and you fucked it up. I want my friend happy,” Jason shrugged.

“Uh-huh,” Dick managed. He was a bit shocked by Jason’s answer. “Is that Raven’s book.”

“Yup,” Jason went back to popping his ‘p’s then.

Dick was a bit annoyed and relieved with what Jason had said. And made a mental note to harass Jason for more information on his thoughts on Raven.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Dick walked into his apartment after Jason and Bruce had parted ways with him; Jason griping about being dragged off for a proper scolding from Alfred; apparently blowing up Vegas was not acceptable. Which had Dick mentally reminding himself that he needed to check this weekend’s news about the antics Jason and Raven had gotten into. Tim had texted him, but Dick just hadn’t looked at his phone yet. He had other things on his mind as he walked into his apartment to find Shawn sitting on his couch as he dropped his keys in the dish he had for keys. A slob he may be, but he wasn’t losing his keys of all things.

“Shawn, we need to talk,” he started as he slowly let his bag slide from his shoulder to the ground. Shawn tilted her teal head back and he saw dark brown eyes glaring at him.

“Oh, we do, do we?”

“Yes we do,” he said as calmly as he could.

“Like… your marriage!” she gasped dramatically surging to her feet. “Yeah, Dick I know all about the new Missus Richard ‘Dick’ John Grayson! You fucking called me to tell me about her!”

“I only got drunk enough to marry her because you were cheating on me!” he roared back.

“I!” she started.

“Don’t Lie To Me Shawn! I Got The Damn Photos!” he growled as he glared down at her.

“I…”

“You lied to me, you used me and lied to me! Was the kid even mine!? No, don’t answer that, I’m done Shawn, I’m done with all this, I’m done fighting you, and fighting for something that isn’t even real. I’m done.”

“You got married!” She screamed.

“Yes!” he shouted back. “To a woman I love! I’ve loved Kori since I was seventeen years old! And I will continue to love her until the day I die Shawn! It’s always been Kori, it always will be Kori, I’m sorry if that’s unfair with you but I wouldn’t cheat on you. No matter how miserable, or how bad this could get between us. I never cheated on you.”

“You married someone else!” she shrieked.

“And You Slept With Someone Else!” he roared. He wasn’t going to say either of them were right, they probably weren’t, but couldn’t she see that the moment she slept with another man they were done. Done. Dick didn’t cheat, and he didn’t date cheaters. He didn’t care, because the moment you stepped out on one another it was done.

“I didn’t!” she started.

He pulled out his phone and shoved it at her.

“Don’t even try it,” he spat out as he showed her the photos. “Now you can get your stuff and leave, or I can throw you out and pitch your stuff Shawn, because I’m done.”

She stared at him with a red face and furious brown eyes.

~~~*~*~*~~~

Dick sighed as he walked towards the apartment door of Wally West���s apartment and knocked. Things between Shawn and him had spilled over into the street with him and her in a shouting match, and after he finally got her and her shit out of his apartment he had walked back in feeling disgusted to stay there.

Calling work, he took leave, and then he had gotten a plane ticket for Keystone City. And was just now making his way up to Wally’s shared apartment with his longtime girlfriend, Artemis Crock. Lifting a heavy hand Dick knocked tiredly, and it opened.

“Hey man,” Dick sighed tiredly.

“Dick!?” Wally blinked.

“Who is it Wally?”

“It’s Dick!” he shouted.

“Look, I wouldn’t be here if,” Dick started.

“Well don’t just let him stand there, come on in,” Artemis shoved her way through them and dragged him in. Dick stumbled, dropped his bag, which Wally caught as he shoved the door shut.

“Hey man, you always got a bed here,” Wally grinned.

“Thanks,” he breathed.

“Saw everything that happened on the news this weekend; did Jason and Raven really tear up Las Vegas and the Zucco family?”

“I have no idea, I don’t even remember this weekend. But I’m married now, to Koriand’r,” Dick replied.

“No shit,” Wally laughed. “You called me drunk about that.”

“Then maybe you can fill me in about my wedding; because I don’t remember it!” Dick snapped.

“Come on man, I got pizza, I’ll fill you in on what I know.”

~~~*~*~*~~~

Roy was sleeping in the bungalow, Jason was detained in Gotham by his father, and Raven was stretched out in the shade reading a book when Kori walked down towards the beach. She sighed as she looked up at the blue sky.

“What is it?” Raven asked looking up.

“I am uncertain about the union between myself and Dick,” she admitted tiredly.

Raven sighed as she sat up, shutting her book. “Kori, do you love him?”

“Very much, but,” she started.

“Does he love you?” Raven cut off.

“He claims to, but,” she started again.

“Kori, let go of the past, you can’t change it, and I can’t help you change it. Yes, you two fell apart before but you were both young and stupid, and you were both leaping without thinking. No doubt if you had actually gotten married then you’d have fallen apart. So while yes, you both got broken hearts the first time around, you’ve both grown and changed since then, and now you need to decide if you’re going to let the past continue to influence you or not.”

“Raven, it is not that simple.”

“No, it isn’t. And it is,” Raven snapped. Kori’s head snapped over to her friend then. “It’s complicatedly simple and you have the power to change it this time around Kori. So either grow up and work at this or stay stuck in the past.”

“You are very authoritative,” Kori mused blandly.

“I’ve been in charge of the Titans too long.” Raven retorted walking off.

And Kori sighed as she looked down at the sand then. It was that complicatedly simple, and that was the scary part.

[youcancallmecirce]

Elemental Chapter 6: Guardian

Chapter 1     Chapter 2     Chapter 3     Chapter 4     Chapter 5   

Read it on AO3

Adrien gaped.  “She…the Guardian‽”

She nodded, treading water.  Tikki materialized over her shoulder and floated down to rest there.  “I called her last night, to tell her about Mme Piers’ idea—both because it’s intriguing, and because I was uncomfortable with her sharing information about me.”

“She and Papa felt the same about it as I do, so Maman called Master Fu right away—”

“Master Fu?”

“The Guardian,” Tikki explained.

“Mm-hmm. He’s actually an old friend of the family, and I’ve known him since I was tiny, but I had no idea who he really was until last night.  Anyway, he’s going to be at my parents’ house tonight, and they want to Skype with you.”

“With me?”

Plagg, who’d solidified himself into a big-headed kitten as soon as Tikki had appeared, floated up to lounge negligently on Adrien’s shoulder.  “Can’t you say anything other than to repeat what she says back at her?”

Marinette glanced at Plagg with a frown, but otherwise ignored him.  “With both of us, actually, but since you’re the one with the ring to be enchanted, he wants to talk to you.”

Adrien felt excitement begin to bubble in his chest.  “So he thinks it might be possible?”

She shrugged apologetically.  “Maman didn’t say.”

“Fair enough,” he nodded.

“I find it amusing that you’re going to the trouble of finding out whether it can be done without finding out whether I’ll even cooperate.”

Tikki put her paws on her hips and leveled a look at Plagg.  “Don’t be ridiculous, Plagg.  Of course you will.”

“You’re not the boss of me, Bug.”

Tikki ignored him, and turned to nuzzle Marinette’s cheek. “Did you still want to practice today?”

“I don’t know.”  She looked at Adrien with raised brows.  “Do you mind?”

“Not at all.  Air Mages are rare among the Mer, I’ve been looking forward to seeing you work.”

Marinette blushed at the idea of being observed, but turned her eyes to Tikki with a smile nonetheless.  “Spots on please.”  Adrien saw the same whirlwind surround her that he’d seen before, and when it faded, Marinette regarded him awkwardly.  “So, um, I guess I’ll go down now.”

“Go…down?”  Adrien snickered at the unintentional entendre, and her eyes blew wide.

“No! I mean, I’ll dive down, under the water!  Not…um…you know…”  She trailed off with a groan, and covered her face with her hands.  “Excuse me, I have to go die of embarrassment now.”

She dove below immediately after that, giving Adrien a fantastic view of her assets before she disappeared beneath the water (Adrien snickered again at his mental pun), and he followed her beneath the surface.

“So, what does an Air Mage do under wa—”

She’d turned back towards him at his words, only freeze at the sight of him in all his Mer glory.  “Oh holy crumb he has a tail!”

He looked pointedly down at his fin, and then met her round-eyed stare with a blush.  “Did you forget?”

She clapped her hands over her mouth, though the gesture was worthless; the words had not been spoken aloud and it was too late to recall them anyway.  “You heard me! How did you hear me?”

He frowned.  “You intended me to, didn’t you?”

“No, I—”

“I think you did it automatically, Marinette,” interjected Tikki. “You heard him speaking to you this way, and you’re so used to doing it with me when we’re like this that you responded in kind without conscious thought.”

“Oh.  That makes sense.”   She swam closer to Adrien, who eyed her apprehensively.

“So, um.  What—what do you think?”

“I think—I think—” She broke off, shaking her head wordlessly as she raked her eyes down over his body.  His broad shoulders tapered to a narrow waist, where the skin of his upper body slowly gave way to the jade green scales of his tail, like the fin on his arm.  At his hips, he had long pale fins that probably helped him maneuver in the water, but for now, they floated passively alongside his tail.   She felt them brush against her legs when he’d carried her the day before, and had wondered if he’d been wearing something over his tail; now she knew.   Another fin, this one similar to the ones on his arms, ran down the front of his tail from where his knees would be to the long, wide fin at the end.   “Adrien, you’re—”

“It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“What?” She jerked her eyes up to his face, and realized from his stiff, crestfallen expression that he’d completely misconstrued her silence.  “No!  Adrien, no, your tail is incredible.  It’s different, in an exotic sort of way but not weird.”  She took his hand in hers and squeezed it.  “You’re—you’re beautiful.”

His face lit.  “Truly?  I know that I’m considered attractive among my own people, but—gods, that sounds so conceited, but I didn’t mean—”

“Do you think that my legs are weird?” she asked suddenly, interrupting him.

He smiled wryly, seeing immediately where she was going.  “No, your legs are gorgeous.”

She blushed hotly, but didn’t break eye contact.  “They why is it so hard to believe that I would feel the same way about your tail?”

His smile broadened, and he flicked his tail lazily, bringing them closer together.  Marinette’s eyes widened a bit, dipping down to his mouth with the realization that he was going to kiss her.  She let them slide closed and lifted her face towards his.

“Eh, the kid’s got a praise kink.  He just wanted to hear you say it again.”

Her eyes flew open and whipped to the side, where Plagg-the-eel was floating close by.

“Impeccable timing, Plagg,” Adrien deadpanned, pinching the bridge of his nose.   “Can you not?  Please?”

Marinette giggled.  “He’s kind of an ass, isn’t he?”

“You have no idea.”

“I am an ancient being of immeasurable power!  Why does no one seem to care that I could kill them with little more than a thought?”

“Because they know you won’t,” Tikki pointed out, sounding smug.  “Besides, you could try but you wouldn’t get too far with me here.  I’ve always been the stronger of the two of us.”

“Says you,” he grumbled.

Adrien grinned, delighted to see Plagg getting some of his own medicine.  “Tikki, I think I love you.”

“Two words for you, kid.  Fan.  Club.  A few words whispered in the right ear, and you can kiss your peaceful morning swims goodbye.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, grimacing.  “So you keep threatening.”

Marinette’s brows rose.  “Fan club?”

“Uh, nothing?”  He pasted on a bright expression and held his hands expectantly out to the sides, palms up.   “So, how about practicing some Air magic?” 

That evening, Adrien roamed through his already immaculate house, looking for things to tidy.  Normally, he was grateful for the cleaning service his father had engaged for the house, but…  He sighed.  Marinette would be there any minute, and for the life of him, he could not sit still.

They agreed that morning that it would be better to meet at his house for their Skype call with her parents and Master Fu.  He had no roommates, so there would be no need to watch what they said.  They’d be able to speak freely, for as long as they needed to, which was a very good thing.

Mostly, though, Adrien just wanted an excuse to have her at his house.  He wasn’t sure why it felt so important to him.  Maybe because he’d never been able to have anyone visit him at home when he was growing up?  Or perhaps because he really just wanted to see her here, in his space?  Either way, he was entirely pleased with the arrangement.

He just needed her to get there so he could stop being anxious about it.

He looked at his watch, saw that he still had five minutes before the appointed time, and threw himself onto his couch with another sigh.

“I still don’t get why you’re so worked up.  So she’s coming over here, big deal.”

Adrien glared at the elemental as he floated down to lounge on the over-sized ottoman.  “What are you doing out of your trash can?”

“Do you know what is a big deal?  Camembert.  If I were you, I’d be freaking out less over her being here, and more worked up over the fact that you don’t have any gourmet cheese to impress her with.”

“Oh fuck, I didn’t even think about having food!”

Plagg looked smug.  “Welp, too late now!”

“What do you mean—“

The doorbell rang, both interrupting him and answering his question.   “Merde.”  He crossed to the door, yanked it open, and blurted “I’m so sorry I didn’t get food!”

Marinette blinked.  “What?”

“It’s dinner time, but I didn’t think to have something prepared.  Not even snacks!”

“Oh.  No worries.  You didn’t say anything about dinner, so I ate at home.”

“Oh.  Okay,” said slowly, allowing himself to relax.  “That’s—that’s good.”

She smiled expectantly and rocked back on her heels, blushing faintly.  “May I come in?”

“OH,” he yelped, jumping back to make room for her to get by.  “Yes!  Yes, please.  Come on in.”

Plagg cackled.  “Real smooth, kid.”

Adrien groaned, and Marinette tapped Plagg’s head with her finger.  “Hush, you.”

“Thanks,” Adrien said, smiling gratefully as he led the way to the couch.  “He has to hide when Nino is here, and I think he’s happy not to be banished.”

“That’s no reason to be a snot.  Even if he is kind of adorable like this.”  She sat on the couch and placed her bag on the floor near her feet.

“Ha!  She thinks I’m adorable.”

“That would be the element you focused on,” Tikki giggled, materializing near Marinette.

“Oh gods, don’t encourage him.”  Adrien sat next to her and pulled his laptop from the ottoman to rest on his lap so that he could unlock it and sign out of Skype.  “So, is there anything I need to know before they call, so I don’t accidentally screw something up?”

“No, not really.”  He passed the laptop to her so that she could sign in to Skype on her account.  “Are you worried they won’t like you?”

He winced.  “Maybe a little?”

“Maybe a lot.”

Adrien scowled.  “Shut, up Plagg.”

“You notice he didn’t deny it,” Plagg smirked.

Marinette captured Plagg in her palm and scratched his head gently, then laughed when he all but melted beneath her fingers.  “Tikki suggested that a bit of affection might mellow him out,” she explained when Adrien gaped openly at her manhandling of the elemental. “I think she was right.”

In her hand, Plagg tilted his head back to allow her to scratch beneath his chin, and slitted one eye open.  “If you ever do this to me, fish boy, I will maim you.”

Adrien looked appalled.  “I don’t think either of us will ever have to worry about it.”

Satisfied, Plagg closed his eye and nuzzled into Marinette’s hand and she giggled in spite of herself.  “You are such a cat.”  Then she nudged Adrien, who was still staring at Plagg in disgust.  “You don’t need to worry about my parents not liking you.   Master Fu either.  Just be yourself, and they will adore you.”  Like I do, she added silently.  She must have “pushed” it at him, though, because his eyes widened and his cheeks pinkened in a way that indicated that he’d heard.

“I have got to stop doing that,” she groaned.

“It’s alright,” he said, grinning.  “It’s working out rather well for me.”

She was saved from answering by the tone of an incoming Skype call, and Adrien felt another wave of anxiety.

“Hi Maman!  Hi Papa!” she greeted her parents with a grin, and Adrien took the opportunity to study them.

They were a surprising study in contrasts.  Her mother was a petite Asian woman with lustrous black hair and intelligent grey eyes, while her father was a green-eyed behemoth of a man with western European roots.   He gulped, feeling very glad that they were having this meeting over Skype rather than in person.  Her father’s bicep was likely as big around as Adrien’s waist.

“Is Master Fu there yet?” Marinette asked, drawing Adrien’s attention.

“He’s here.” Tom reached toward the camera, covering it for a moment, and when they could see again it was clear that he’d pushed the camera back, widening the angle.  An older man of obvious Asian origin was scooting closer to Marinette’s mother, and Adrien realized with surprise that he recognized him.

He leaned over to Marinette, to murmur in her ear.  “That’s him!  He’s the one who enchanted my ring.”

“Marinette, dear, why don’t you introduce us to your friends?” her mother prodded gently, and he and Marinette both flushed.

“Oh!” Marinette scooted closer to him and shifted the laptop to rest half on his lap, so that they could see him, and he felt himself flush at the feel of her thigh pressed along his.  “Um, this is Adrien Agreste, and this is Plagg.  Guys, these are my parents, Tom and Sabine, and our friend, Master Fu.”

“Hello,” Adrien waved awkwardly.

Plagg yawned.

“It is so nice to finally meet you!”  Sabine said, smiling.  “We’ve heard a lot about you, over the last few years.”

He glanced at Marinette, who had gone scarlet.  “Oh, really?”

“Maman,” she grated out, flaring her eyes for emphasis.

Sabine shrugged innocently, while Tom hid a smile behind his hand.  “What?  It’s true.”

“Marinette, why don’t you tell us about your instructor,” Tom interjected, obviously seeking to head off trouble.  “I know you’ve already told your mother, but Fu and I would like to hear it firsthand.”

“Mme. Piers,” Marinette began, “is an Air Master, and my mentor.  You remember her from orientation a few years ago, right Papa?”  He nodded and she continued.  “She’s a great teacher, and we get along well.   Between her and Tikki, I’ve made a lot of progress.  I’ve never had any problems with her.”

“But?”

Marinette nodded.  “She told Adrien about my earrings, and my bond with Tikki.”

Tom’s expression had darkened, and Fu hissed in displeasure.  “You are certain?”

Marinette looked at Adrien, who nodded.   “She brought it up.  I’d mentioned struggling with calling water up through the ground, and she offered it as a possible solution, to help me learn.”

Tom looked at Marinette.  “She didn’t ask your permission first?”

“No.  She didn’t say anything to me after the fact, either.”

Sabine scowled.  “I told her that she needs to report Mme Piers to the Dean of Arcane Studies, but she says it isn’t necessary.”

“I don’t like it, but there’s no harm done!  I don’t want her to get in trouble.”

“It doesn’t matter, Marinette.”  Tom glanced at his wife, who nodded her agreement. “She violated University policy, and she violated your trust.  You need to report the incident.”  He shifted his gaze to Adrien, who squirmed under its weight.  “Would you be willing to file a report as well?”

“I can, yes.”

“You seem reluctant,” Master Fu observed.

“I think I must be missing something. It was unprofessional, sure, but it seems like you’re all disproportionally upset.”

“Beyond the fact that she violated a clear policy on student privacy?  We are particularly careful when it comes to Marinette and her power.”  Tom gestured to Master Fu, who nodded.  “Fu warned us a long time ago that we would need to be, because she’s got the kind of power that is coveted by unscrupulous mages.  It’s why he and Tikki wanted to help us, and it’s why we’ve always downplayed her potential with everyone outside our immediate circle.”

“I had no idea.”  He frowned.  “And Mme Piers knows all this?”

Sabine pressed her lips into a thin line and nodded.  “She does.”

Adrien frowned.  “That was…that was not well done of her.”

“No, it was not.”  Sabine looked imploringly at her daughter.  “Promise us that you will report her?”

“Fine,” Marinette gave in with a scowl.  “But I still think that it’s unnecessary.”

“So, Adrien,” Master Fu began, forestalling a rebuttal from Sabine, who snapped her mouth closed with a wry smile. “Sabine tells me that you wish a further enchantment for your ring?”

“Ah! Erm, yes.”  He held his hand up to the camera, displaying his ring.   “It already allows me to transform from Mer to human and back again, and Plagg is able to hide in it, but I was hoping that it could be enchanted to allow us to bond, the way that Tikki bonds with Marinette through her earrings.”

Master Fu shook his head, frowning.  “Your ring already has that ability.  Did your father not explain it to you?”

Adrien looked at his ring, and then back at Master Fu, poleaxed.  “It already—what?  No, it doesn’t.  It can’t.”

His brow smoothed out, and he folded his hands serenely on the head of his cane.  “Young man, I enchanted that ring myself.  It most assuredly does.”

“But…Plagg has gone into the ring, but he’s never, well, bonded with me.”

Fu shot an annoyed look at Plagg, who made it a point not to meet his gaze.  “Plagg, I’m sure, kept the information to himself for the sake of mischief, but I can’t imagine why your father would have withheld it from you.  In order to bind Plagg to the ring and allow you to bond, you must use the words that trigger the spell.”

“Oh,” Adrien breathed, staring at his ring as if he’d never seen it before.  “What are the words?”

“Have patience.  You first need to understand that if you activate the spell when Plagg is unwilling, then he will possess you, and you will become a spectator in your own mind until he chooses to release himself from the ring.  It is a safety precaution, to protect the elementals from abuse.”

“Great,” Adrien scoffed.  “I mean, I get why it’s necessary, but Plagg loves nothing more than to be difficult.  It might as well not have the ability, for all the good it will do me.”

Fu looked pointedly at Plagg.  “I think that you will be surprised by what Plagg will be willing to do.”  Plagg continued to ignore him, and Fu shook his head.  “The cat form suits him,” he muttered.  “Now, tell me young man, why would your father have hidden that aspect of the ring’s power from you?”

“I have no idea,” he replied, bewildered.  “He’s always bemoaned my weak magic, but—”

“Excuse me?” Fu asked sharply, leaning forward and looking thunderous. “He what?”

“He’s always complained that I’m not a stronger Mage,” he said, dropping his eyes in shame.  He hated making that admission at all, and he hated even more that he had to do it in front of Marinette and her parents.  “I’ve done my best, but…there’s only so much I can do with weak magic.”

“Adrien, look at me.”  The words were said gently, but with an edge of steel that had Adrien looking up in surprise.  “You have the potential to be an unparalleled Water Master.  Your father lied.”

“No.” Adrien felt the blood drain from his face, and he sagged against the couch.  The bit about the ring was unexpected, and discomfiting. But this?  It was utterly staggering.  “I’m weak.  A disappointment.”

“Adrien.”  Marinette’s voice.  Gentle, and earnest.

Numbly, he turned to look at her, barely registering her expression of mingled anger and concern.

“Magic attracts magic, remember?”  She clasped his hand, and stroked her thumb over the back.  “How could a low-level Mage have attracted an elemental of Plagg’s caliber?”

Adrien dropped his head back to stare bleakly at the ceiling, accepting the truth of her statement as water pooled in his eyes.  “I couldn’t have.”

His eyes slid closed, and he felt that water spill over his cheeks.

Crying.

He was crying.

Two years as a human, and he was still experiencing new human things.

The realization made him laugh, in spite of the impropriety of the response.  He laughed until Marinette had to take the laptop to keep him from knocking it to the floor.  He laughed until the hysterical guffaws gave way to hysterical sobs.

[wolfie-dragon-rider]

Blind Spots Chapter 13: Invisible Friends

A/N: *Hesitantly raises head out of hole I digged for myself* Hey guys. Can we, uh, pretend that when I said the next chapter would come in two weeks, I meant three months? I am really sorry. I had a really bad bout of writer's block, and I kept changing the order of the chapters. Mostly because I didn't want to write this one, it was a hard one to write. Now that it's done I'm glad, though. I hope you like it too! And I hope to keep to a more regular update schedule from now on, though I won't promise anything concrete. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!

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Kirsten tried to suppress her laugh. She really did. The situation was way too serious for laughter.

But the sight before her was just too rare and too adorable to waste. Her normally so disciplined and strict daughter, giggling like mad in between coughs. Astrid was holding her Terrible Terror, Sneaky, with an iron grip while cooing nonsense at it.

Eel pox. It changes people's personality in crazy ways.

"Astrid, you're suffocating Sneaky! Let him breathe!" Kirsten said, pushing lightly at her daughter's hands. Astrid violently shook her head.

"No! My dragon! He's cute, and I want to hug him and kiss him and snuggle him!" she stated, before doing just that. The Terror looked terrified, not used to this much affection. Stormfly chirped worriedly, nudging Astrid with her beak.

"Oh, but I'm not forgetting about you, Stormy! Who's a good dragon? You're a good dragon! You're the best-est, prettiest, awesome-est dragon in the entire world!" Astrid said loudly, raising one arm to put around Stormfly's neck and pulling her down to the bed. The Nadder cooed at the compliments, but still looked worried.

Kirsten knew that eel pox was dangerous, and that Astrid should get a dose of medicine soon. But Astrid being this affectionate was rare, and she was going to savor every moment of it.

Her daughter sneezed loudly, snot flying through the room since both her arms were busy holding dragons. Kirsten jumped back a little, before touching Astrid's forehead. Disturbingly hot.

"Still sick?" Tolfdir said, walking into the room. His nose was bright red, and he kept sniffing. Kirsten had tried to tell him that he was falling victim to the pox as well, but he didn't listen. Damn stubborn Hoffersons. At least his personality hadn't changed yet, as far as she could tell.

"Dad! I'm not gonna train with you tomorrow! I'm gonna hug every dragon on Berk instead!" Astrid shouted when her unfocused eyes found her father.

"Okay, she definitely needs a big dose of medicine. I'm gonna tell Gothi," Tolfdir said, looking shocked at the thought of his child skipping combat training.

"You better get a dose for yourself as well!" Kirsten called after him, hearing the front door close a moment later.

"Hey, mom! I love you! You're amazing! And you tell the best stories. Except for that one with Loki and the horse. That one was gross. And your lessons for a happy marriage, those freak me out. But other than those I love your stories, and I love you!" Astrid managed to say, releasing Sneaky to grab her mother's hand instead. The Terror jumped away with a loud screech, flying out the window as fast as he could.

"Oh, uh, thank you! I'm glad you like them. And I love you too," she said, unsure of what to say. Astrid was never this open with her, let alone confessing her love. Of course Kirsten knew that Astrid loved her, but to hear it out loud made her smile uncontrollably.

"I love you as much as I love Hiccup. I want to hug Hiccup. And kiss him. And I kind of want to take his clothes off. But I know I'm not allowed to until we're married. Do you think he wants to take my clothes off?" Astrid asked, pressing a big kiss to Stormfly's beak. Kirsten wasn't sure whether she felt disgusted or amused.

"I'm sure he does," Kirsten said, rubbing her daughter's hand, hoping to soothe her.

"Really?" Astrid's eyes opened wide, and Kirsten couldn't stop her laugh at the happy expression.

"Yes, he loves you very much. That's why he's flying out today, getting the ingredients for the cure," she said, and Astrid's face lit up with pure love.

"He's the best! But sometimes he's stupid!" she exclaimed. Kirsten wished she could record this somehow, and show her later. And maybe Hiccup as well. It would embarrass them to no end.

But maybe the memory would do. Yes, eel pox may be bad, but there could be an opportunity here as well...

"So, what do you like about Hiccup?" she asked, smiling when Astrid told her everything she needed to embarrass her daughter for years to come.

For once, Hiccup was the first to arrive at the Academy. He couldn't remember that ever happening.

The main reason he'd often be late was that is was quite difficult to get out of bed on time when you've worked on projects for half the night. Stoick would often complain about the noise keeping him awake, and Hiccup was sorry for that. But time flies when he is working on a new invention, and without seeing the sun disappear below the waves and the shadows lengthen in his room it was quite hard to notice that it was bedtime.

Maybe he could build some kind of hourglass that he could see or measure himself. Hmm, it could contain little levers or weights that would tip over if enough sand had trickled down. Tricky to calibrate, but Astrid could help with that. Hiccup's hand moved towards his copper notebook before he even realized it. A snort from Toothless reminded him to focus on what was really important. The eel pox epidemic.

Hiccup would need some help dealing with it, though. Normally he didn't mind arriving late, hoping the twins and Snotlout had already expended most of their energy at each other, making them more likely to work with him.

Figuring he might as well be productive, Hiccup moved to the large cages and storage areas in the back, feeling around for some supplies for the long day ahead. As he grabbed a big saddlebag he heard a soft hissing sound.

Toothless growled, but before Hiccup could investigate laughter echoed from the arena.

"That was a good one! Now faster!" Tuffnut shouted, moments before a loud bang rang out. Hiccup ran out with the saddlebag, stumbling when something small hit him.

"What are you doing?" he asked, grateful for Toothless catching him and pushing him back to his feet.

"Since no one else is here yet, we figured we'd train our Terrors a bit more. Butt and Head are getting better and better at flying into each other!" Tuffnut said.

"Yeah, and into other people," Ruffnut sniggered, and Hiccup realized what had just hit him.

Things like this were why he preferred to show up late.

"Whatever, my Terror is still cooler. It took me an hour to pry him off my leg this morning!" Snotlout shouted, flying in on Hookfang, and Hiccup mentally sighed. He was not in the mood for this, especially without Astrid to help him keep order. Rather than comment on the argument, he opted to keep their focus on each other, and instead put the oddly heavy saddlebag on Toothless.

Just as the twins and Snotlout started arguing, buzzing wings entered the arena. Moments later there was a heavy thud, followed by loud footsteps.

"Hey guys. I've got the list of ingredients we need to collect for Gothi," Fishlegs said, and Hiccup sensed him holding out something. The blind boy reached out, grabbing a piece of paper. There was an awkward silence while Hiccup examined the paper.

"Uh, Fishlegs, you know I can't read this, right?" Hiccup asked, feeling like the temperature dropped several degrees when he drew attention to his blindness. It wasn't an easy thing to discuss, even after so long.

"Oh, right. I'll just… read it aloud, then," Fishlegs said, awkwardly reaching out to grab the paper again.

"Let's see…. Buckthorn root, a dozen rock blossoms, a handful of goat weed, one daga plant, some redblood grass, Night Fury saliva, Fireworm gel, various types of seaweed, fifty bogbeans, two dozen juniper berries, and oyster plant. Oh, and a bloodbane eel, but Gothi had one already," Fishlegs listed, and Hiccup tried to figure out where those ingredients could be found.

"Okay, that's a lot of stuff. It's probably best if we split up for that. On that note, does anyone know where Astrid is?" Hiccup asked as Fishlegs grabbed something from Meatlug's saddlebag. Probably a book on herbs.

"Her mom came to see us this morning. Said we had to tell you that Astrid is sick with eel pox, and can't come. Oh, and that she loves you very very very very much. Astrid that is, not her mom. Apparently that was a direct quote from Astrid. Though maybe her mom loves you as well. I'm not sure," Tuffnut said, before getting punched by his sister.

"Idiot. Of course she doesn't. She was laughing way too hard for that. Though she did say we should hurry, so let's get going," Ruffnut said, sounding surprisingly worried. Hiccup nodded.

"I checked the book of plants, and it looks like the herbs we need are roughly in two directions. The buckthorn root, redblood grass, daga plant, and juniper berries can all be found in the western isles. The rest are mostly water plants, those grow to the south around Breakneck Bog," Fishlegs said.

"Okay then, let's split up in two groups. Fishlegs, you and Ruff and Tuff go to Breakneck Bog and collect those water plants. Barf and Belch should lead you through the fog there. Snotlout and me will go to the western isles to collect the rest," Hiccup said, grabbing his notebook and knife to write down what ingredients he had to collect.

"Wait, what? Why do I have to go with you?! I'd rather go with the twins," Snotlout said. Hiccup took a deep breath, wishing Astrid was here.

"Because the western isles are furthest away, and Toothless and Hookfang are the fastest dragons. Now, can you get some supplies? It's gonna be a long trip, so we should bring lunch. We need a map to navigate the isles as well," he said calmly, hoping Snotlout wouldn't complain this time. Thankfully he just walked towards the back, muttering, while Hiccup scratched the herbs' names into an empty sheet of copper.

"Alright, let's not waste any more time. Get the ingredients as quickly as you can, and then meet back at Gothi's," Hiccup said as he finished writing '24 juniper', before putting his notebook in the saddlebag. For a moment he thought he felt the bag move as he swung his metal foot over to mount Toothless, but he dismissed that thought. It was probably another phantom sensation.

"I'll be back first!" Ruffnut said as Hiccup hooked his foot into the pedal. He heard Snotlout's footsteps returning, before mounting Hookfang.

"No, I'll be back first! I'm way faster than my stupid sister!" Tuffnut shouted. A moment later a slapping sound echoed around the arena.

"We're riding the same dragon, idiot. We'll be back at the same time," Ruffnut said, and Hiccup felt very thankful he didn't have to spend the entire day with the twins.

"Well that's no fun. Still, we'll be back before Fishlegs," Tuffnut said, mounting Belch and flying off.

"Wait, you're not gonna leave me behind, are you? Oh, why do I always have to go to Breakneck Bog…" Fishlegs muttered unhappily, before following the twins.

With the other riders gone, an awkward silence settled over the arena.

"Well, let's go," Hiccup said after a few seconds, setting the pedal to the up position and signalling to Toothless to fly.

They flew in silence for a while, Hookfang's large wings clearly audible next to Toothless.

"So… How's your dad?" Hiccup eventually asked, mostly to break the heavy silence.

"He has eel pox. Otherwise same as always," Snotlout said, sounding annoyed.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Hiccup said. Snotlout didn't answer, and the only sound was the flapping wings again.

Hiccup considered asking more questions, but if Snotlout didn't want to be friendly, then he didn't really feel like being friendly either. So he stayed silent, instead thinking about how to build an hourglass he could feel.

They flew for an hour or so, and eventually Hiccup was nudged out of his mental calculations by Snotlout saying he saw land.

"Those must be the western isles. Let's figure out which is which, we don't want to land on the wrong one. These plants should grow on every island, so we might as well pick the safest," Hiccup said.

"Pff, what's the worst thing we could find? The Snotman will defend you," Snotlout said in a patronizing voice, and Hiccup resisted the urge to sigh.

"Well, how about an army of Outcasts? Outcast Island is down there. As are some other dangerous ones. Fireworm Island, Changewing Island, Eel Island…" Hiccup replied.

"Wait, Outcast Island is here?!" Snotlout shouted. Hiccup groaned softly.

"Yes. Yes it is. Northern end of the western isles. If you look at the map you can see it. But we're not gonna land there. I'm thinking we should land on Healer's Island, there are no dangerous dragons there. Can you look up what its shape is?" Hiccup asked. A long silence followed.

"Snotlout… you did bring the map, right?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"You never said I had to bring it! I thought you had one!" Snotlout said, and Hiccup groaned loudly, not caring if Snotlout heard it.

"Snotlout. I can not read a paper map. Why would you think I'd bring one?" he slowly asked.

"I don't know! Normally you and Astrid deal with that kind of stuff!" Snotlout shouted, and Hiccup sighed deeply, resisting the urge to start shouting himself.

He wished Astrid was here. But she wasn't, she was sick and it was their job to find the cure. So he took a deep breath before leaning back to reach into the saddlebag.

"Okay, I'll check my notebook to see if it contains a map. If it doesn't, we'll just have to pick an island random-" Hiccup shrieked when something warm brushed past his hand. There was a small hiss, like the one he heard at the Academy. This time Hiccup recognized the sound.

"Sneaky?" he asked as the little dragon climbed up his arm before flying off. Suddenly Hookfang ROARED. A moment later Toothless growled in pain. Instinctively, Hiccup set the pedal to 'down', thinking they should land as soon as possible.

"Hookfang, calm down! It's just a stupid Terror! Listen, you stupid beast!" Hiccup vaguely heard Snotlout shout behind him, but his senses were overwhelmed by Toothless roaring 'Urp'.

He wasn't sure what was going on beyond the fact that Sneaky had apparently hidden in his saddlebag, but he didn't doubt Toothless' judgement. He tried to set the pedal back to 'up', but it was stuck.

"Toothless! It's… I can't… Something's wrong!" he yelled. They were losing altitude fast, and with the pedal stuck there was no way they could get lift.

They were going down.

"You stupid Nightmare! Can't you obey me for once in your damn- AAAAH" Snotlout yelled, but Hiccup didn't pay attention. Toothless roared at him, and Hiccup knew what the dragon wanted him to do.

"Okay Toothless. One, two, three!" he said, undoing the safety ropes, before jumping out of the saddle.

As he jumped, Toothless flipped, grabbing Hiccup in his paws before folding his wings around him. They fell for another terrifying second before landing in cold water with a loud bang.

Toothless shielded Hiccup from the worst of the impact, but he still felt a pain everywhere when they hit the water. Toothless released him before grabbing him in his jaw, lifting him above the water, and swimming away.

Hiccup groaned when Toothless gently put him down on some kind of beach. He heard sputtering somewhere near him, but he felt too dizzy to focus on it. He wondered if he broke a rib.

"Hiccup! You okay?" Snotlout shouted, spitting out water between words. Hiccup groaned, but thankfully the pain seemed to be lessening. So nothing broken, just bruised.

"I'll live," he managed to say, reaching out his hands to scratch Toothless. "You okay, bud?"

The dragon responded by licking him happily, and Hiccup smiled despite the pain when Toothless touched his chest.

"What the hell happened? What was Sneaky doing here?!" Snotlout shouted.

"I don't know, he hid in the saddlebag," Hiccup groaned, sitting up and feeling his prosthetic. Thankfully that didn't seem to be broken either.

"Why the hell didn't you notice him!" Snotlout said, as Hiccup adjusted his blindfold a little so it covered his scars fully. He kind of wanted to wring the water out, but not in front of Snotlout.

"Oh, maybe because Astrid specifically trained him to be sneaky? It's kind of in the name, you know," he said. "What happened up there? After Sneaky got out?"

"Hookfang freaked out, shot some fire that hit Toothless. Then when I shouted at him, he set himself on fire, so I jumped off into the water. I… I don't see him around here..." Snotlout sounded worried, but Hiccup had very little sympathy as he felt Toothless' tail to survey the damage. It seemed to have caught fire, the cloth half-burned off.

"I guess he flew back to Berk. Maybe he didn't want to deal with your shouting," Hiccup said, snarkier than he intended.

"Hey, it's not my fault! You shouldn't have released Sneaky! Hookfang felt like he had to fight!" Snotlout shouted, and Hiccup snapped.

"And hit me and Toothless?! At least Sneaky did what he was trained to do! Your dragon just made us crash-land, and then left us on this island! I don't even know where we are!" he shouted, before focusing on the tail fin. He realized with a shock that Hookfang's fire seemed to have partially melted the iron spines, and two of them were now stuck together. That explained the jammed pedal.

"If you had just checked the bag to see if anything was in there before we left this wouldn't have happened," Snotlout muttered. Hiccup took a few deep breaths.

"But it did happen. Now just… let me think for a moment. I have to see if I can fix this," he said, and thankfully Snotlout kept silent. Hiccup heard him sit down on the sand, taking off his boots to pour the water out. Hiccup grabbed the notebook from the saddlebag, glad it was still there. Though if he didn't dry it soon, it would rust. What a mess.

"Okay, so this is bad. I don't have a map, so I have no idea what island we're on. And Toothless' fin is broken, so we can't fly back to Berk," Hiccup said, closing the notebook after not finding anything useful in there.

"Can't you just repair it?" Snotlout asked, and Hiccup sighed.

"Not without a forge or something. Two bars on the fin have melted together, and I need something hotter than a campfire to separate them," he explained, feeling the fin again. "If I could separate them I could use part of my vest for a new sail."

"Well, then Toothless is freaking useless! What's the point of a dragon who can't fly after crashing!" Snotlout said, and Hiccup wished he had anyone other than Snotlout with him here. He'd even take the twins. Toothless growled softly when his name was mentioned.

"Well, at least Toothless is here. Your dragon flew off and left you behind, remember?" he said, before standing up. The pain had decreased to a dull throbbing, so he figured he could walk. He grabbed his cane from Toothless' saddle and walked in the direction he figured was inland, Toothless following close behind.

"Where are you going?" Snotlout asked.

"To get those ingredients. If we're stuck here we might as well collect them before the rescue party shows up," he said, glad when he heard Snotlout standing up.

"And when is that going to happen?" Snotlout asked, coming closer.

"Well, I hope that when Hookfang or Sneaky come back to Berk alone, they'll realize we're stuck and send the other riders out to find us. But that could take a while, since the twins and Fishlegs have to come back first," he said.

Snotlout stayed silent, thankfully.

"Now let's find those plants and hope that we don't run into any Outcasts or dangerous dragons. Redblood grass is obviously red, juniper berries are purple and kind of scaly. Buckthorn root is black and gnarly, looks like a claw. And daga plants are bright pink, with big flowers. I'll need your help to identify them, because of… you know," Hiccup explained.

He swore he could have heard Snotlout mutter, "Of course you need help," but chose not to comment on it.

Soon enough they entered a thick forest, and Hiccup hoped this meant it wasn't Outcast Island. He had never been there, but legends said it was a desolate place.

"Is this buckthorn root?" Snotlout kept asking him, shoving random pieces of treebark in his hands. Hiccup couldn't help but think Snotlout was just pestering him now, but he couldn't afford to antagonize his only human companion. If only Toothless could recognize plants…

"No, this isn't it. I told you, buckthorn is black and gnarly, this is smooth," he said, tossing the bark away.

"Well, sorry I don't know anything about plants. I don't know what it looks like," Snotlout muttered, and only Toothless gently nudging him stopped Hiccup from snapping.

"Just look for black trees with claw-like roots," he said while feeling a nearby bush for juniper berries.

"I don't see any! Are we even on the right island?" Snotlout asked. Hiccup flinched when his hand touched a thorny vine. Definitely not juniper.

"We're definitely on a Western Isle, and these plants should grow on all of them. So it's here somewhere. Maybe look for Daga instead, the pink flowers. Or red grass," he said. Snotlout puffed.

"Red grass? We've been walking on red grass for the past five minutes!"

Hiccup froze, clenching and unclenching his fist for a few seconds until he was sure he had his anger under control.

"And… you didn't think this was something you should mention? I did say we were looking for red grass earlier," he slowly said as he knelt down, feeling the grass. It felt moist, like redblood grass was supposed to.

"I… I couldn't remember! You said a lot of things!" Snotlout shouted as Hiccup plucked a few handfuls of the grass, sighing deeply.

"Four things. I listed just four things. Things I need your help for. You understand that, right? I can't find those plants on my own," he said overly slowly, like he was talking to a five-year old.

"Of course I know that! Everybody knows you need help!" Snotlout said, and Hiccup couldn't stop himself.

"What's that supposed to mean? What is your problem, Snotlout?" he asked, icily.

"My problem? My problem is that I'm stuck here with someone who is completely useless at finding plants, which is what we're here for, right?!" the other boy shouted loudly.

"Well, you're obviously pretty bad at it as well! Look, neither of us are happy to be here, but we are, and we're gonna have to work together here. I'm not here to be friends with you, Snotlout. I'm here to find those ingredients and cure Astrid and the others," Hiccup said, surprised by the venom in his voice. Toothless growled, backing him up.

A short silence followed. "Fine. Let's just find it and get the hell out of here," Snotlout snarled.

For the next half hour they searched in relative silence, eventually finding a bush of juniper berries and a field of daga plants. Hiccup didn't say it out loud, but Toothless had been a lot more useful than Snotlout in locating the daga plants, somehow understanding that they were looking for pink flowers. Now all they needed was the buckthorn root.

"Maybe we need to be further inland to find buckthorn. Let's go in that direction," Hiccup suggested. Snotlout snorted.

"How would you even know that that direction is inland?" the boy laughed.

"Because the sound of waves is coming from the opposite direction. Now let's go," Hiccup said. However, he hadn't bothered to feel with the cane before he turned around, and his face hit a tree branch.

"Dammit," he swore, burning scratches on his face adding to the throbbing pain in his chest.

"Hehe, watch out where you're going," Snotlout sniggered, walking past him.

"Very funny. Never heard that one before. Really original. Helpful too," Hiccup said as Toothless licked his face, crooning sadly.

"What, are you expecting me to hold your hand? Give you a piggyback ride?" Snotlout said with a childish voice, and Hiccup clenched his hand to a fist.

"I'm not a child. I can walk by myself," he said, moving his cane to sense the ground and follow Snotlout.

"Doesn't seem like it," the boy chuckled when Hiccup reached him, and he sighed. Toothless moved between them, shielding them from each other.

"Do you think it's funny or something?" he asked. Somehow he sensed Snotlout tensing.

"No, I think it's weird. You're so freaking helpless. You can't do anything by yourself. You can't defend yourself, can't find your way home. Your dragon can't even fly by himself. And yet you get everything you want. The girl, the chiefdom, the academy. I don't get it," Snotlout said slowly, and Hiccup wasn't sure what to say.

"I can do a lot of things you can't. And you would be helpless too if you were stuck here alone," he eventually said, not wanting to reveal too much about his combat training. Only Astrid and his father knew about that.

"I wouldn't even be stuck here if you had been able to look inside that bag!" Snotlout shouted. Hiccup was about to shout a retort when a roar echoed through the forest. The argument was instantly forgotten.

"What was that?" Snotlout whispered, barely audible over Toothless' growling.

"It sounds like a scared dragon," Hiccup said. Suddenly another sound reached them.

"Was that a wolf howling? Are there wolves on this island?!" Snotlout shouted before being hushed by Hiccup.

"Be quiet. We should check it out," he said, walking in the direction of the growls and howls as quietly as he could.

"What?! Are you insane? Why aren't we running?!" Snotlout whispered loudly, before changing his tone. "Not that the, uh, the Snotman would ever run from anything!"

"Because I'd like to know what we're running from first. We don't even know if it's wolves. And maybe that dragon can help us," he said, holding onto Toothless with one hand, ready to mount. They might not be able to fly, but if they had to fight he'd rather be on his friend's back.

"You're gonna get us killed! This is why I hate working with you!" Snotlout said, not listening to Hiccup's attempts to shush him.

"In case you forgot, you literally tried to kill me the last time we were alone together, so forgive me if I'm not exactly comfortable with you either," Hiccup shouted as his anger finally overflowed. Snotlout took a step back.

"That… That was… I… That was different! That was before…" he stuttered, and Hiccup couldn't help feeling smug hearing the other boy lost for words.

"Before I got everything I want?" he asked snidely, sighing when Snotlout started stuttering again.

"Listen, Snot, I'm not interested in your excuses. I just want to get to that dragon. If we can train it, and it's strong enough to carry Toothless, we can get back to Berk and go our separate ways," he said, another pained roar reinforcing his point.

"Fine. But I'm only following you to make sure you don't get eaten. Astrid would kill me if that happened," Snotlout said.

For the next minute they sneaked through the forest, making sure they remained downwind from the sounds of dragon roars and wolf cries.

"Do you see any fire?" Hiccup asked. For once, Snotlout didn't complain that Hiccup couldn't see it.

"No, nothing. It's getting dark, so if it breathed fire I should be able to see it."

"Weird. Maybe it ran out. Still, we must be very close," Hiccup whispered, sensing Snotlout nodding beside him. Toothless felt tense under his hand.

"There are wolves there. In a clearing. But I don't see dragons," Snotlout whispered as Toothless shifted to a fighting stance. Another roar echoed. "What? Where did that come from?! There's nothing there. Those wolves are circling around nothing!"

"Quiet. I think it's a Changewing," Hiccup whispered.

"A Changewing? How are we supposed to train a Changewing? They're feral! Plus they're freaking invisible! I'm not riding an invisible dragon!" Snotlout whispered loudly, and Hiccup took a deep breath. He was not in the mood for an argument.

"I don't care one bit if it's visible or not. If we help it drive off these wolves, maybe it'll help us. You and Toothless fight them off. I doubt I'll be able to help with that. I'll approach the Changewing," Hiccup said, not waiting for a response from Snotlout before nudging Toothless forward. Thankfully the dragon was not afraid of a few wolves.

"You're insane! I'm staying here!" Snotlout whispered, barely audible when Toothless roared loudly, drawing the attention of the wolves. He wasn't sure, but Hiccup thought he counted about 4 different growls. Toothless charged forward, luring them away from the panting Changewing. Hiccup crouched forward, wishing he had a fish and hoping desperately that the wolves would not consider him a threat.

"Hey there. We're here to help. You're hurt, aren't you?" he whispered, following the subtle rustling of grass as the dragon moved back. The iron-like smell of blood was thick in the air, and Hiccup's hands touched bloody grass.

Behind him he heard Toothless launch a plasma blast, making one of the wolves cry out in pain.

"That's my dragon friend. You can be my friend as well. I'll take care of your wound," Hiccup said, trying not to let the fear show. A cornered dragon might accept help it normally wouldn't, but it could also lash out. Slowly, without sudden movements, he stood up and extended his hand to the Changewing. It was probably still invisible, but Hiccup could sense the tiny sounds as it stepped on grass, the subtle scent of blood and fish, the movement of air as it breathed out. For a brief moment he was lost when Toothless fired another shot, the bang and resulting cry far louder than the Changewing.

"Are your friends and family gone? We're trapped here as well. How about we help each other?" he said, lowering his head and raising his hand higher. Just when he sensed the dragon sniffing his hand he heard animal footsteps closing in on him from behind. His breathing quickened as he turned around, pressing the button that would reveal the sharp tip on his cane and turn it into a small spear.

He raised his weapon, hoping to hit the wolf as it jumped him. Behind him he sensed the Changewing moving back further. Hiccup felt a bit of hope amid his terror when he realized the dragon had the chance to run away, but didn't for some reason.

"Get away from my cousin!" Snotlout's voice pierced the air without warning, and it was followed by a loud slap. The footsteps stopped as the wolf moaned. "You messed with the wrong guy!" Snotlout shouted as the wolf turned its attention to the one who hit him. Hiccup didn't hesitate, charging forward and stabbing where he smelt wet dog. A loud cry of pain echoed through the clearing as the spear pierced the wolf's side. Hiccup felt it hit a rib.

"You bastard!" Snotlout screamed, hitting the wounded animal with what sounded like a rock. Everything became a blur as Hiccup pulled the spear out and push it in again, slightly to the left. Blood spurted out as it slid between the ribs, piercing organs with a sickening sound. Somewhere Toothless blasted again, and he heard animals running away.

Finally the wolf stilled, and Hiccup quickly pulled the spear out and moved into a battle ready stance, adrenaline still pumping through his veins.

"I.. I think they're gone. Holy shit. We did it," Snotlout said between quick breaths, clearly as tense as Hiccup. Toothless growled, before licking Hiccup's face. The wet sensation broke him out of the red haze, and he breathed deeply, dropping his weapon.

He nearly screamed when he sensed something behind him, quickly realizing it was the Changewing. Trembling, he turned and raised the hand not covered in wolf blood.

"What are you doing?" he heard Snotlout say, but he ignored it, focusing instead on the invisible dragon.

"I told you we'd protect you," he whispered, and a moment later he felt warm scales touch his hand.

"I didn't know you had that hidden weapon in your cane."

It was the first thing Snotlout had said in a long time, and Hiccup stopped bandaging the Changewing's paw for a moment. After the fight they had decided to build a campfire, both to keep other wolves away and to cook some fish. Snotlout had just returned from gathering wood, and Toothless spat out a pile of fish, the stench of which made Hiccup gag. Still not as bad as the dead wolf, though. Hiccup felt sick when he thought about it too much.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," he simply said, focusing on tying the large leafs around the wound. He wished he had better medical tools, but leafs and grass would have to do. The Changewing he decided to call Blendin seemed okay with it, nuzzling him affectionately.

"I suppose. I didn't think you could fight like that. Or find that Changewing. I… I couldn't have done that. It was invisible," Snotlout slowly said as he dumped an armful of wood next to Hiccup.

"I have a lot of experience finding things I can't see. Just because I can't see… color, or distant things, doesn't mean I can't 'see' anything," he replied, reaching his spare hand behind him to pet Toothless before grabbing a fish to give to Blendin. He sensed Snotlout moving around the burning campfire, grabbing some fish and something from the wood pile. Probably sticks to fry fish on.

"I suppose. I, uh, I shouldn't have said you were useless. I don't think I could have stood against that wolf if you hadn't stabbed it," Snotlout said as he sat down. Fat dripped down on the fire, making it sizzle.

"And it'd probably have killed me if you hadn't distracted it. We did it together." Hiccup slowly said. Toothless curled up next to him, looking over his shoulder at the Changewing."Thanks for that. You probably saved my life."

"I didn't do it for you. Astrid would have killed me if I didn't bring you back alive," Snotlout said in a more tough voice, though Hiccup doubted he was telling the truth.

"Sure, sure. On that note, we still need to get back. Blendin here can't carry Toothless, and I'm not leaving without him. I guess we'll have to wait for the others," he said, finishing the makeshift bandage. Blendin the Changewing leaned over to nudge his chest. Hiccup smiled, before yelping when he felt his neck burn. Blendin quickly drew back, and Hiccup realized a drop of acid had fallen from the dragon's mouth.

"Wait a minute… Toothless, give me your tail. Snotlout, I need your help for this," He said, grabbing Toothless' broken fin, quickly finding the jammed bars with his fingers.

"What are you doing?" Snotlout asked warily.

"We don't need a forge to separate the bars! We can use Blendin's acid! We just need to get a few drops on the joint right here," he explained, pointing at the correct spot and hoping Snotlout could see it. Toothless warbled softly, tensing slightly at the mention of acid, but not moving his tail away.

"Okay… can you get Blendin to… drool?" Snotlout eventually said. Hiccup was surprised he didn't complain, but he would take it.

"I think so," he answered.

It took a while, during which the forgotten fish were hopelessly burned, but they managed to get a few drops on the iron, with only one resulting burn on Snotlout's hand. The boy yelped loudly, clutching his hand.

"It's only fun if you get a scar out of it, right?" Hiccup said, scratching at his facial scars in an exaggerated manner, and Snotlout chuckled.

"I guess I deserved that. For all I did to you. I felt really bad, you know. After the battle. When you were so hurt and I was okay. I felt like it should have been the other way around," Snotlout said as he sat down and started roasting more fish.

"Then why didn't you say that? Astrid said you apologized while I was asleep, but why couldn't you do it when I woke up?" Hiccup asked as he took his flight vest off, before measuring how big Toothless' fin was.

"I don't know. It was scary. And then… then you got everything, you know? And it was all so confusing, and it was hard to feel bad for you when everyone coddled over you," Snotlout slowly said. Hiccup sighed, grabbing his knife to cut a tail fin from his leather vest.

"I hate that, you know? The coddling. People asking me if I need help for every little thing. Changing rules to make it easier for me in games. Everyone seems to always imply that I'm… less than them. Less capable, less smart, less mobile, less everything. Something to be pitied. How am I supposed to prove I'm as good a Viking as everyone else when they keep lowering the bar for me?" Hiccup said, surprised by how good it felt to say these things out loud.

Snotlout was quiet for a very long time, the only sounds coming from the crackling campfire and the breathing of the dragons. Hiccup carefully cut a new fin from his flying gear, trying to figure out how to tell his dad he'd need more leather.

"So we should be tougher on you at the Academy?" Snotlout suddenly asked, handing him a roasted fish. Hiccup laughed.

"Just don't exclude me when you do things. Don't go 'We want to do this, but Hiccup can't do it, so we won't'. Ask me first. I'm the expert on what I can or can't do," he said. A gust of wind blew through the camp, and Hiccup shivered without his vest. He reached out to the wood pile to throw another log on the fire, but froze when his hands touched it.

"Snotlout? Is this wood… black?" he asked, trying not to sound too incredulous.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because it's gnarly. This is buckthorn root, Snotlout! The thing we've been looking for for the past two hours. And you're burning it!" Hiccup couldn't stop his laugh at the end. Thankfully, Snotlout laughed with him.

"Hehe, I guess that's why you came along. We needed someone who read nerdy books about stupid plants. That's everything we need, right?" Snotlout said, chewing on his fish.

"Yup, that's everything. And I think I fixed the fin," Hiccup said as he pulled on Toothless' pedal, feeling the fin move back and forth. "I guess we can fly home on Toothless together. We just have to say goodbye to Blendin."

The Changewing didn't seem to want to part, though. It whined loudly, nuzzling against Hiccup's hand.

"Hey, what's wrong? You can go back to your family now. They must be worried!" Hiccup asked, scratching the smooth scales. Blendin shook his head, pushing harder against him.

"Maybe he doesn't have a family," Snotlout said. Hiccup frowned.

"That would make sense. Changewings normally travel in packs, but this one was alone. I also think he's smaller than what the book of dragons said. Maybe he's a runt who got kicked out," he said sadly, petting Blendin with both hands.

"We can take him with us," Snotlout suddenly said. "You trained him, so he should be able to stay on Berk, right? And, uh, just because he's a runt, doesn't mean he's useless." Hiccup wondered if this was Snotlout's way of apologizing for his abuse.

"I guess we can. Fishlegs would love to study him! Let's get on Toothless, and see if he follows us. Let's not ride him yet," he said, turning to Blendin. "What do you say? Wanna come with us?"

Not much was said after that. They quickly ate the last of the fish before mounting Toothless. Blendin stayed close to Hiccup, and when they took off he could hear his wings right behind them.

"You know cousin, I think working with you isn't as bad as working with the twins," Snotlout said as they flew away, Toothless seemingly knowing which direction Berk was.

"You're not so bad either." Hiccup suppressed his laugh. He figured that was the closest thing to a compliment he was gonna get from Snotlout. But maybe that was okay.

They didn't say much more as they flew back, but Hiccup could loudly hear Blendin flap his wings, excited for a chance to start over, with newfound friends.

And maybe he wasn't the only one.

---------------------------------------------------

[Link to masterpost]

[knightofbalance-13]

https://thefairywzard.tumblr.com/post/163494894168/rwde-circus-drama-with-kob-part-1-the-first-shade

Now I could go through this whole thing and explain in detail why this is wrong but this is an example of the Gish Gallup fallacy so let me run through this quick and show you why it’s so stupid:

People of the rwde tag! You might have noticed a post recently, written by yours truly, about the lack of body diversity in our all-time favourite show RWBY: The Life and Times of Jaune Arc.

Playing to RWDE tag bias.

Predictably, our esteemed rwde troll and official laughing stock of the entire tag, KoB, decided to reply to my post and I think we’ve all had enough experience dealing with him by now to know where this led. I read over KoB’s… words and after bleaching my eyes with silt, I sat down to think about what I should do in response, if anything at all.

Ad Homenin

The Responsible™ and Adult™ thing would be to simply ignore his incomprehensible drivel and move on, possibly block him and maybe set up some salt circles for good measure. After all, usually the best thing to do when dealing with trolls is to keep them at arm’s length and try to not provoke them too much. That is the smart and sensible thing to do. That is how you avoid conflict with assholes online.

Refering to me as a demon

Ah, another day another troll on my posts. You know kob, I knew that eventually you’d pull something like this. I knew that after I was done eating my strips of rotten boar meat while sipping a 1945 La Pinot Noir that I would log on to tumblr dot com and see your small, sad little avatar in my notifications tab. And I would sigh and roll my tired eyes in contempt of pretty much your entire internet presence as far as rwby is concerned, before moving on to reading your long-winded, contradictory and dumb dumb arguments, all lined up in this neat little pile of poo that the FNDM calls “kob’s post history”. And then I would sigh again, questioning the meaning of life while enjoying a bowl of branflake cereal with chocolate chips and cinnamon.

Pseudo intellectualism

Believe it or not kob, it took some time to decide whether or not I should reply to the inane, animalistic screeches that you call counterarguments, but ultimately I decided this was too good an opportunity to miss on dragging yo ass. Obviously a confrontation is exactly what a slimy troll like you wants and technically I am enabling you and your ~predispositions~ by writing this, though I think the feeling of self-satisfaction I’ll get by talking shit to your face will be more than worth it. I should think most of the rwde tag has an extended knowledge of you and your interactions with the FNDM and most of us probably agree that you’re a trolling asshole, a ding dong and potentially Literally Satan™.

Ad Homien on par with early Catholic Church.

I will admit that volume 4 did shave off some muscle from our beloved lotus boy of suppressed emotions, but they have by no means added those to Ms Valkyrie.

Outright defeating own point and contradiction (Jaune and Nora have similarly sized arms. Look for yourself.)

Now I’m not gonna get into the teachers yet, because I’m genuinely curious as to what you meant when you commented on yang’s beefiness. I should like to think that these images make it pretty clear, even to someone as stubborn and as opinionated as you kob. Yang has no muscle. Never did. That sound you just heard was everyone in the rwde tag simultaneously whispering the words “oh snap”.

More outright contradictions and Ad Homenin. (yang’s official art shows the same arm type as Nora and jaune as oppose to Ren or Weiss)

Next up is the FNDMs favourite faunus of the hour, Blake Belladona. You will, once again, note the absence of muscles in her extremities. Gee it’s almost as if these characters all have the same body types, what a surprise. But by all means, keep insisting that Weiss is the slender one.

Not understanding what Atheletic means (Looks at Olympic swimmers: Ain’t no muscles there.)

What you don’t seem to understand kob is that not everyone sees the world under your fucked up, weird, distorted lens. Honestly what to begin with here? The unrelated comparisons? The blatant way you contradict yourself with the opening sentence? “Oh look at me I’m the infamous kob and I spend my days hating on people for making valid, critical points on shows I watch. RWBY doesn’t have a body problem because I say so, these characters are totally muscly and RT doesn’t want muscly women in their shows anyway so that’s why there are none after all, this doesn’t matter and no one cares”. Really now kob, if you’re going to try and delegitimize the issues I cite, you could at least do a better job at it.

In any case, I don’t especially remember CRWBY making public statements explaining in lengthy details why body diversity is their personal kryptonite and that’s why there’s none of it in the show. But then again I’m not as dedicated a fan as you have proven yourself to be, so maybe I missed that enlightening interview with the crew. I also don’t understand what made you bring Kill La Kill into this -as I would charitably call it- discussion, when that show is a clear deconstruction of rampant objectification in anime. It’s satire kob. It’s making fun of the dumb sexist tropes people see in shows so very often.

To be perfectly fucking candid kob, your determination to undermine my arguments by claiming that representation is “not a serious concern at all” is actually rather cute. Like a bigoted puppy furiously chewing on a couch. Indeed this vehement passion of yours is so strong that I’m beginning to suspect you get an intense hateboner whenever the rwde tag updates and this is your only method of release. 

Not addressing the point. Also: unrelated comparisons. Monty Oum stated that Gurren Lagann was an inspiration on RWBY and watched Kill La Kill. So in fact, I am comparing anime that have influenced RWBY.

As well: Not saying WHY body diversity would be an improvement.

Third; Misrepresntinga show (Kill La Kill outright says you shouldn’t care about what other people think. Remmeber Satsuki’s speech in Episode 3? Yeah, apparently you forgot to watch the other 23 episodes of the show.)

Fourth: Misrepresenting my argument (they don’t want to do it because they haven’t already done it, not through an interview.)

Fifith: projection.

Gosh what an interesting peephole we have here of kob’s mental inner workings. I never would have associated plus-sized people with Santa Claus, but I suppose that’s what happens if the content you consume is constantly deprived of diversity. Don’t worry kob, it’s not your fault that most media is monochromatic in more ways than one (but feverishly defending those that are kind of is). If you want to know why it’s important to have representation of all sorts in shows and other media, then I suggest you google that and find out for yourself.

Inserting words into my mouth.

Oh yes, beware the SJWs. They creep in your homes and hide in your cupboards. They’ll wait until you’re not paying attention and then pounce on you with anger and fury and a slight hint of sexual arousal. And as they suck your warm, viscous blood, they’ll start babbling about wanting fair representation in the media for marginalized groups of people and how the way to achieve that is to hold popular shows to a higher standard of diversity. I haven��t even gotten to the bit where they talk about queerness in media, THAT’S when shit get’s blood-curdlingly scary.

More projection.

See, this final “damming” ending statement brings me some discomfort; because I have to, for once, agree with kob. Having more diversity of body types (or any types for that matter) be present in a successful show will encourage other shows to follow suit. It’s like this thing, oh what’s it called, oh yeah progress. So you’re right on that at least. Now if you think diversity will add “nothing to the show” I would suggest that you a) educate yourself on the benefits of diversity and representation in media because that’s clearly an area you are sorely lacking in and b) go fuck yourself.

More Aad Hominin and misrepresenting what I said (I was referring to the fact that you would shoehorn in fat characters for the sake of brownie points instead of, you know, having well written fat people) and projection (thinking I’m skinny.)

I honestly don’t know how to explain to you that not everyone is like you and not everyone can binge the TV channels and see someone exactly like them represented in a randomly-selected show.

Assumptions (i didn’t know there was fat, balding, autistic 19 year olds with no dads. yeah, I’m fat too so most of your argument in that part is invalid, blading people are treated as a joke and the number of intentional written Autistic characters can be counted with only hands. And the number of WELL WRITTEN Autistic characters can be count on my hand if I chopped off seven fingers.)

Someone who isn’t constantly treated as a joke, or insulted within the show, or is nothing but a stereotype, or is pushed aside so that other characters can take the stage. If you can’t fit that concept into that head of yours because the slimy, fanged eel of hate inside is taking too much space, then the only thing for me left to do is to sincerely, wholeheartedly tell you to go fuck yourself with as much virility as you can muster.

you mean like how fat people are portrayed as lazy, balding men are treated as aging ad desperate and ugly, how writers cannot diffiate between “Autism” and “brain damage”, how men are always seen in the wrong in arguments and seen as being dumb, animalistic, lazy and wimpy whereas the women are treated as can do no wrong, wise, perfect people? because I do: But that;s the artist’s descision and they deserve to do what they want with their works: there is nothing wrong with that.

And now you can see why I didn’t go through and go in depth as to why this person is wrong: It’s blatant and obvious. But don’t take my word for it: see the train wreck for yourself.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #81

“maybe i’m a misfit, maybe i’m different, it will never be an average existence.”

how does alcohol affect you?   i flush, i get talkative, and very silly. have you ever inhaled helium?   no. what is your favorite kind of pasta?   spaghetti with lots of sauce and meatballs. ;3; what are you hungry for right now, if anything?   food? do you ever get eczema?   rarely. are you a fidgety sort of person?   yep have you ever mowed a lawn?   no. do you enjoy corn on the cob?   yum! in your opinion, what’s the ideal age to start having children?   mid 20s.  your body is prepared and at a pretty fertile point, and usually, you're at a mature enough mentality by this age. are you a seafood person?   noooo. have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours?   no. have you ever worked two jobs at once?   hell no.  i'd never manage. who does most of the housework around your house?   my mom, bless her. how many glasses of water do you drink a day?   none. what brand is your desktop or laptop?   sager have you ever lived on a university campus?   nope. have you ever shaved your face?   no. do you get motion sickness?   i do not. are there any mountains nearby where you live?   no. does sitting in waiting rooms drive you insane?   YEP.  YEAH.  YES.  INDEED.  I'M IMPATIENT /AS FUCK/ do you ever put sticky notes around the place to remind yourself of things?   no. do you like jalapenos?   MMMMMMMMMM OBBY your name?   brittany would you like to visit venice?   ABSOLUTELY! did you ever eat leaves when you were a kid?   no? o-o are there any ‘keep off the grass’ signs where you live?   nope. have you ever walked on the grass with such a sign?   no, i have respect. do you like kiwis?   yaaaaas!! have you ever experienced an earthquake?   nope. has anyone ever tried stealing your boyfriend/girlfriend away?   yep.  little bitch failed. (: do you like your phone?   not particularly. would you rather drink orange juice or milk?   milk have you ever slept in the same bed of the opposite sex?   yes. do you like condoms?   never used one ever been to a bar?   no. how old were you when you lost your virginity?   i'm 21 and still haven't what is something you DON’T like about the person you like?   he doesn't support/believe in me. do you look good in red lipstick?   i think so. are you good at editing pictures?   i think so.  kinda have to be when you're a photographer. where did you last go swimming?   colleen's, i think. are you one of those people that post EVERYTHING you are doing on facebook?   no.  i barely post ANYTHING unique to me on facebook.  i usually just share things i find really funny or very important/influential. are you any good at public speaking?   NO NO NO 1,000 TIMES NO who did you last see in concert?   alice cooper how many days a week would you say you take a nap?   idk nowadays since we're in the middle of moving.  things are hectic. what is the first thing you do when you get on the computer?   i open up facebook. what do you mainly watch on youtube?   good mythical morning or let's plays, usually by markiplier. do you sing in the shower?   veeery rarely.  i don't sing much. what do people most pick on you about?   i'm rather dependent on the internet and i don't socialize a lot. if you were a professional sports player, what sport would it be?   dance would you rather go to the mountains or the beach?   mountains! if you could live anywhere, where would it be?   utah, probably. is napoleon dynamite actually a good movie?   i honestly like it.  it's awkwardly funny. how many pair of flip flops do you own?   two, i think. ever been to rehab/jail?   no sir. highest level of school completed?   some college where do you keep your birth certificate?   in a locked safe. could you handle being in the military?   NOOOOOOOOOOOPE have you ever had a bad concert experience?   nope! when was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? do people often tell you this?   tyler yesterday, and no. can you handle blood?   yeah, blood's fine. what is your opinion on canada?   pretty place. what movie can you watch over and over and never get bored?   oh my goooosh, "white chicks" when eating something are you more concerned with taste or nutrition?   taste. do you tend to act paranoid around people you don’t know?   YEP have a good singing voice, or would you rather not sing?   naaah, my voice isn't that steady. do you want to go to pregnancy classes?   you mean, whenever i am pregnant?  no.  one, i don't particularly want to deal with an estrogen ocean, and two, my mother knows like.  everything about this stuff.  might as well just ask her. do you ever cringe at the thought of living in a disgusting house?   YEAH.  I AM HONESTLY HORRIFIED OF EVER GETTING TO THE POINT OF NOT CARING FOR MY HOUSE OH MY GOD. what do you doodle on your papers?   usually meerkats. have you ever cut someone else’s hair?   no do you have a wild imagination?   i honestly think so. do you own a wok?   no. do you like going to weddings?   no.  i get triggered. what type of ice cream is your favorite?   vanilla how many long term relationships have you been in?   one. what job do you think deserves to be paid higher?   TEACHERS what do you think about abortion?   it's fucking modern day child sacrifice.  you're killing children to satisfy the desires of another person.  that.  is.  murder. have you read shiloh?   yesss, i loved those books and the movies!!! do you go to church every sunday?   no. have you ever fell for a player, even though you KNEW he was a player?   nope. do you know any guys with their nipples pierced?   no. favorite beatles song?   not a big fan, but "hey, jude" have you ever seen a tornado?   no, thank god. what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about?   HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- do you like peanut butter?   yeah!! own a lava lamp?   no, i wish. ever faked an orgasm?   nope. what scars on your body do you have?   two on my chin from passing out onto it, and one long one on my left shin from scratching the shit out of it. ever did something sexual in public?   only a very simple kiss, never even making out. do you like the taste of squid or eel?   never tried it, NEVER will. ever date anybody in middle school?   psh, for like a month, i barely woulda even called it "dating." did you like to get dirty when you were little?   to a degree. own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns?   dragons, yeah. believe in mermaids/mermen?   no.  watched an interesting documentary about them once, though.  thought it was quite interesting.  supposedly, even if they did exist, they'd have to live in the deep ocean and be morbidly obese to survive. how many times have you snuck out of the house?   never. ever wanted to be a vet?   once upon a time. ever centered your life around a person?   yeah, and it ruined me. are you doing anything else on the computer while you do this?   i'm listening to good mythical morning.  oh my gosh guys, i'm a month behind from the hospital visit, living with colleen, etc... i've missed my boys so much. :') ever written your number in a public bathroom or a school text book? if so, did anyone actually call you?   nope. how many of your friends are from california?   i don't think i have any, even online. do you go tanning?   nope. ever been horseback riding?   no. :c ever done oral? with how many people?   yeah, with one person. did you know you can get stds from doing that?   as an adult i know that, but honestly, never knew that back in the family life/sex ed days.  cooper's sex ed was HORRIBLE.  we barely learned anything other than vast information about hiv/aids. if you’re a girl, do you wear sports bras or padded bras?   neither sports or padded.  they're just... normal? how many brothers does your father have?   none what’s the nicest meal you’ve ever eaten?   oh my god, this steak at miss randi's wedding.  it was HEAVENLY. have you ever slept on the floor with someone you like?   on a palette, yes. which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal?   french toast do you prefer light or dark haired?   dark do you want to cut your hair?   it needs a trimming is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single?   no.  if you're not even dating, you don't need to be that serious. do you only wish the best for your ex?   ... in certain ways. do you think that once people get married, they eventually fall “out of love”?   no, that's fucking stupid. if you found out you were pregnant who would you tell first?   my mom, probably. what are your chances of getting with your crush?   he's more than a crush, but literally none. name a band you’d like to see live?   oh my GOSH, metallica. who’s your best friend/s?   don't think i really have one anymore. how many times have you been on a plane?   twice.  one occasion i don't remember; i was too young. what’s your opinion of root beer?   yucky. ;~; is there anyone you would take a bullet for?   jason and my mom. which of the seven deadly sins do you commit the most?   sloth who’s your celebrity crush?   link neal oh god right now, what’s your dream career?   professional wildlife photographer did you have a furby when you were younger?   i did what part of your body are you self-conscious about?   my stomach would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?   carve pumpkins favorite kind of candy?   hm.  sour punch straws, maybe. have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders?   yes: chronic depression, chronic anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and bipolarity ii.  HOWEVER, i think i have more than just bipolarity; i am 100% convinced i have borderline personality disorder. which branch of science do you find the most interesting?   biology, probably.  genetics. if you were given the chance to be immortal, would you take it?   nope. were you a planned baby?   i think so. were your parents married when you were born?   yes. which parent do you get along with best?   mom, i guess. do you have step-parents?   my dad's remarried, but i don't call her "mom" or anything. are you scared of growing up old alone?   it's my #1 fear.  i am horrified of it. do you like walking in the rain?   NO.  i HATE being wet with clothes on. what is your favorite dessert?   donuts or vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup has anyone ever been in love with you?   i... like to think jason was. are you afraid of falling in love?   i'm afraid of doing it again, yes.  the first time just about killed me, so w/e. do you judge other people by the bands they like?   no, that's ridiculous. have you been to an emergency room in the past three months?   yes. would you rather be blind or deaf?   blind do you want an ex back?   yes. when people sneeze do you say ‘bless you’?   yeah. have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?   it was pierced for years, but then the fucking hole closed when i had to take it out due to hospitalization. e_e can you trust most people?   nope. has anyone hurt or betrayed you recently?   yup. do you expect to be married in the next two years?   definitely not. is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance?   if i knew it would go unpunished, honestly, yeah. name the person that has honestly hurt you the most in life?  jason. how many times have you checked up on your ex?   more times than i care to admit.  i can't anymore, though.  he has me blocked on facebook and i don't have his phone number or anything. your bf/gf wants to buy you a present… what should they buy?   if i actually had a boyfriend, something with meerkats. ever known anyone who could “see right through” you?   jason was the only one.  he was so special. would it scare you to know someone could read your mind?   YUP have you ever broken a couple up?   i honestly feel like i was partially responsible.  i've told ya'll about the situation with this kid joel when i was like 12, and he broke up with my best friend of the time because he wanted me. ever kissed someone who was in a relationship?   no. what do you think of friends with benefits?   it's foolish do you like mushrooms?   no no no no are you allergic to cats?   debatable.  idk. do you put clothes on your animals?   no. do you like cheese?   only american what’s your favorite television show?   "fullmetal alchemist" have you ever babysat?   once is it possible to be “just friends” with someone you had feelings for?   if your feelings were/are genuine, hell no. what’s your second favorite color?   pink have you ever been involved in an affair?   no. do you refuse to use public toilets?   99% of the time, yes. where is your favorite place to get fries?   bojangle's!!! what is your favorite gaming console?   ps2 have you ever been to a baby shower?   more than once. are you currently in a relationship? if so, do you think it will last?   as of yesterday actually, yes.  do i think it'll last, i don't know. how many romantic relationships have you been in so far?   only one.  who knows if the one i'm in now will get there. have you ever been camping in the wilderness?   no, just in my front yard lol. do you have gluten intolerance or anyone who does?   my former best friend supposedly does. have you ever cried while watching a movie?   yeah. have you ever had a migraine?   yep. do you have a gym membership?   no. have you ever fainted?   yes. would you consider yourself very flexible?   not very anymore, nah. do you embarrass easily?   VERY VERY VERY OH MY GOD SO MUCH have you ever been banned from anywhere?   i don't think so. are any of your siblings married?   only my older, immediate sister.  my half-sister tiffany that i have nothing to do with, idk if she is. who was the last person to spend the night with you at your house?   chelsea do you have a hard time making decisions?   i am the literal Worst. who was your date to senior prom?   jason. does your dad smoke?   yes. is your mom over 50?   yes. do you want to get married?   yeah. have kids?   i... don't know if i want any anymore. do you have any plans to get a new tattoo or piercing?   i do. does anyone call you babe?   tyler does.  i'm not comfortable enough with him yet to say i don't like it, though. do you have a debit card?   no. why did you stop working at the last place you were employed?   my anxiety was too bad.  to the point i was vomiting every day when there. do you believe in saving sex for marriage?   i guess so.  i'm doing it now in my new relationship.  if jason had to wait and never got it, then so does he. do you think the drinking age in the usa should be lowered to 18?   no. do you believe most people are good people deep down?   most, yes. who do you look more like, your dad or your mom?   i've heard both. what is the nearest big city to you?   raleigh do your parents have facebook accounts?   mom does. does/did either of your parents serve in the military?   no do you like sour candy?   more like love.

[tornrose24]

Only a Voice part 3 (A Moana fan fic AU loosely inspired by the Little Mermaid)

In which Maui has to sacrifice a lot of things if he wants to go back to being a mortal, Tamatoa almost gets to sing when he traps Maui in a deal, and Moana has no clue what she’s about to get herself into.

Then the writer must pay for committing a terrible crime.

This fan fic can also be read under my alternate name HolyMaiden24 at fan fiction.net

First part: http://tornrose24.tumblr.com/post/155221003377/only-a-voice-a-moana-au-fan-fic-loosely-inspired

Second Part: http://tornrose24.tumblr.com/post/155315044717/only-a-voice-part-2-a-moana-au-fan-fic-inspired

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: Oh boy.... trust me when I say ‘loosely inspired by the Little Mermaid’ but when I realized what I had to do to Maui in order for this AU to work, I had to look into something important. I like the uniqueness of Maui’s character design, and I admit that I didn’t want to do this to him. I tried my best to look into the history of tattoos in Polynesian culture to see if deliberately removing tattoos or burning them is considered highly offensive, a sign of bad luck, or sacreligious in any way. I still have not found out anything in regards to this, other than it is not acceptable to make your own tattoo identical to another’s. As I may have said before, I want to try to respect the cultures that were represented in the original film because I am aware of how important it is to accurately depict another culture or religion without making a big mistake. Most of Maui’s tattoos are a pretty big give away to his identity and while you can predict what is going to happen with this note in mind, I only want to do this with the knowledge that I am not commiting a serious offense. Please let me know and I can try to find a way to work around this if what happens is not acceptable in the Polynesian culture.

Chapter 3: A devil in all his splendor

“Well for starters I’d like to know why you decided to stalk me like an unwanted fan.” Maui demanded as he tightened his grip on his fish hook. This earned him the rather enjoyable sight of Tamatoa flinching back in shocked offense. The crab quickly recovered as he rolled his his eyes and moved forward. “Oh please, like I’d want to do that when I got other things to look into that are more important.” “If you’re just here to torment me, I’ll let you know that its working on a scale of how annoying it is.” Maui slowly raised up the fish hook and began tapping it against the palm of his free hand. “So why don’t you go back to Lalotai and leave before I’m tempted to do something we’ll both regret.” “Well if the hero of mortals isn’t the same as he used to be and he’s acting like he’s about to turn his back on the people he adores, then of course I’d be curious!” The giant crab scoffed. “The way you were going, it’s like you want to renounce your status as a demi-god and–” Tamatoa stoped at this as a thought struck him. “Wait... wait a minute...” A smile was slowly creeping up on his face. “You want to stop helping the humans–” He was trying his hardest to supress a laugh– “and go back to being one?! Is that it?!” When Maui did not deny this in any way and took too long to do so (a big mistake in itself), the crab let out a “Pffft- HA!” and proceeded to let out a series of roaring laughs. “AH, HA, HA, HA, HA!” He was struggling to breathe and lowered himself as he tried to hold onto something but failed and ended up pounding one of his claws against the sand. Each pound sent a tremor through the ground as well as send sand flying up and Maui could barely keep his footing on the ground. Each pound felt like he was about to topple over at any moment if he couldn’t keep still. “AH, HA, HA, HA, HA! OH G- HA, HA, HA, HA! THAT HAS TO BE THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD! OH GODS, I CAN’T BREATHE!” Tamatoa was already during a dark shade of red and purple as he struggled to get his breath. “HA, HA- ah ha, ah haaaaaaaahhhh!” The last laugh was drawn out as a cross between a laugh and a wheeze. An uncomfortable Maui waited patiently for the crab to recover and once that happened, Tamatoa was still trying to get some air and he looked like he was about to cry because he had laughed that hard. “No seriously, you actually want to go back to being like the ones you tossed you into the ocean like a rock?! The very same things that you’ve tried so hard to win the love of that you can’t get enough of?!” He snorted. “Maybe you did hit your head on a rock.”
Maui wanted to deny it and yet he couldn’t after being put on the spot like this. Worse yet, Tamatoa could see what his answer was through the long silence alone and he had a way with tearing into one’s insecuriities that Maui was not fond of. “You know it’s words like those that caused me to lash out and take that leg off.” Maui growled. “I miss the old days, but you had to keep getting into people’s heads and making them feel like they were nothing!” This caused all humor to vanish from Tamatoa’s features as his eyes narrowed at Maui. “At least I’m not the one who could risk going to extremes just to win everyone’s approval!” The crab growled in a low voice as his head moved towards Maui and his crooked teeth were bared out. “Whose to say that the next thing you try to do for them will either end in you dying or the whole world collapsing in on itself?!” The two stared each other down and there was no telling who would make the first strike. Finally Tamatoa moved back as his voice raised back to its natural pitch. “Funny thing is that I do know a way to turn someone into a mortal.” He casually smirked like he wasn’t angry at Maui just mere seconds ago. “Of course it’ll cost you, but hey, why keep up this hero act if it causes you so much emotional damage? And who knows what you’ll do to try to earn proper adoration from someone who won’t die in under one hundred years?” He made to turn away and head back into the sea before adding something as an after thought. “I mean it’d probably be much easier to find what you seek as a mortal. Besides, isn’t watching all those precious mortal children who adore you die off from old age getting to be a bit too much for your mental health?” Tamatoa then turned back to the sea. “You know where to find me when you made up your mind, Maui.” He almost sang as he crawled into the waters and sank into its dark depths. Maui stared at the spot where Tamatoa had been before he sighed and sat back down. He felt Mini Maui try to catch his attention and when he looked down he could see the tattoo was shaking his head with a worried frown on his face. “You don’t think I should take up his offer?” He asked. The tattoo pointed to the people that were also on his skin as well as the monsters. He was trying to remind his host of his responsibilities but it wasn’t working. “Yeah, I know, but someone will have to eventually replace me, right?” He asked as he let out another sigh and held his face in his hands. “I hate to admit this, but he’s right; I can’t keep doing this forever. And I don’t want to put the ocean in jeporady if I try to make every mortal immortal. I’d totally do it, you know.” He warned. “That would be the ultimate gift I could ever give to humanity.” He weighed his options carefully; whatever he would chose would have some sort of consequence in the future. He didn’t trust Tamatoa, but the selfish part of him that he tried to supress for the sake of everyone else was giving into temptation. It took him a few hours to think things over for a bit until finally he came to a decision. Without so much as looking back, he headed to the ocean where he transformed into a shark and headed to Lalotai.

“So you actually came.” Tamatoa smirked as he turned around. “I’m almost suprised at you Maui, but hey i’s your choice and lifestyle, not mine.” He looked down at the demi-god who had entered his large (and beautiful) home in Lalotai and who only momentarily eyed the treasures within. Tamatoa’s possessive nature over his treasures almost took over when he saw this and was about to give out a warning before Maui glanced back at the crab. “Let’s just get this over with before I realize what I’m doing.” Maui began as he walked towards the crab with his hook over his shoulder. Tamatoa was secretly delighted; he knew that this plan would work in his favor either way, but if there was a way to get back at Maui or even humiliate him in the process, then it was even better. “I admit that in the past that I’ve been a nasty,” Tamatoa’s voice changed as it sounded like he was about to sing. “What with insulting you and giving you some heck, but as a favor to a friend, and a hand-er-claw to lend, I can-” “Please no singing.” Maui grimaced. The last thing he needed was to turn this ordeal into some ridiculous musical number, which, no thank you, by the way. No really, he did not want any singing involved. Tamatoa frowned in annoyance. “And suppose there is someone out there who wants to hear me-” “NO SINGING!” Maui yelled in frusteration as he pointed his hook at the crab. “I swear I’m going to head right back if you do!” “WELL FINE!” Tamatoa snapped right back as he sighed, went to get what he was going to use, and began to grumble. “Stupid... ugh... doesn’t like my singing...” He found the huge oyster shell and set it on the ground near Maui. The shell itself was tall enough to almost reach the demi-god’s knees. “His loss.” Tamatoa scowled as he grabbed a few strange things like seaweed, some sort of bone, bright blue fragments of a rare type of coral, and a few other things that Maui did not want to recognize, before tossing them in the shell. Maui almost flinched when the giant crab started crushing them up with the end of his giant claw before reaching over to grab a rare species of eel that was alive and thrashing for its life in his grip. When Tamatoa held it over the shell, Maui closed his eyes before he could actually see the crab snapping the thing in two and did who knew what else to it before tossing that all in too. “Ok, now here’s how this will work.” Tamatoa said in an almost too eager tone. Maui opened his eyes to see the crab giving him another toothy grin as he rested against the ground behind the large shell and he himself cautiously approached it as he rested his hook over his shoulder again. “So as you are already aware, you will lose your immortality and your enhanced strength when you get turned into a mortal.” Tamatoa started. “Now this dosage will be just enough to turn you into a mortal but its only going to last for about three weeks at most.” “But–” He smirked and stopped Maui before he could ask any questions “–in order for you to become fully human and make the change permanent, you have to prove that you would be welcomed as one and have a place in the world of mortals. You have to find and make a good connection with a mortal who appreciates you for who you are rather than what you are. Basically being like a hero or a Chief would mean ziltch, so status alone isn’t going to make the cut. Yeah, good luck with that one.” The crab quietly scoffed that last one to himself before continuing. “Anyway this one mortal must not only have to want you as part of their life, but they have to actually say something along those lines or show a gesture that proves just as much before the sun sets on the last day. And they actually have to mean it with all their heart.” He added. “It can’t be some sort of on the fly thing or out of infatuation. And again, they have to appreciate you for who you are and not what you are, so that’s going to be important too.” “That’s not going to be difficult.” Maui couldn’t help but smirk. “What, it couldn’t be to get someone to kiss me or find someone to get married to? It’s not that hard to get someone to like me, you know.” Maui immediately regretted saying this when he saw the look on Tamatoa’s face. It was the look of someone who knew something that he didn’t and it was not going to be pleasant for the listener. “Well, maybe it would, but I didn’t say it was going to be easy, mon ami.” Tamatoa gave him another grin as he waved a claw in the air. “And this is where I’m interested in getting involved in this matter.” “What, you want something like this?” Maui smugly pulled the necklace off one of the binds that was attatched to the leaves that he wore and he held it up. The crab eyed the necklace hungrily but he shook his head with that grin still on his face. “Oh no, payment in treasure isn’t the problem but I’ll gladly accept it as the entrance fee.” Maui took that as the cue to just throw the necklace to the side since he no longer had any use for it. “No, you have to give up three more things during this trial period because they also make up a part of what you are to the mortals. First,” Tamatoa tapped a claw against the ground “You can’t use your magical fish hook to transform, nor would you be able to use it if you tried. Second,” He tapped the ground again “You have to give up almost all those tattoos that the gods gave to you.” “WHAT?!” Maui dropped his hook as his eyes widdened in shock at this requirement. He felt almost every inch of his body crawling and sqwirming as all the tattoos protested against this. He couldn’t even dare bring himself to look down and see how offended or betrayed they would be at this news. “Those precious tattoos make up a part of your current identity, Maui.” Tamatoa merely shrugged. “Someone would immediately figure you out if those stayed on you. This will help you out with that, but I can’t guarantee its going to be as comfortable as when you got them in the first place.”
Maui was very concerned about that part. “You don’t think the gods would take offense to that, do you?” He asked nervously. “I wouldn’t just be throwing their gifts away like an unsatisified kid who didn’t get what he wanted.” “Well you didn’t have much control over which ones you got, did you Maui?” Tamatoa countered. “Including the one on your back that you always try to hide? The one of ‘dear ol’ mum’ tossing you into the ocean?” That struck a nerve in Maui; that was the one tattoo he would be willing to get rid of, but  was he willing to go even further with this? What could be worse than losing the tattoos? “Ok, fair enough.” Maui admitted with a nonchalant shrug as he tried to hide his discomfort. “Now what’s the final thing I got to give up?” And please don’t say something like my hair. He mentally added. “Oh, nothing much, just one simple thing.” Tamatoa waved his claw in the air as if this wasn’t a big deal. “You have to give up your voice.” That made Maui hesitate. Did he hear Tamatoa correctly? “Wait a minute, what was that again?” “You, give me, your voice.” “Ok, first off,” Maui held his hands up in protest “That’s going to make things way too difficult for me! How the heck can I make a connection with a mortal if I can’t talk to them?! Second- why do you need my voice?! What, are you finally getting tired of listening to your own?!”
Tamatoa’s eyes started twitching as he fought the urge to just kill Maui. “My voice is far superior to many other voices in the world, thank you very much!” He hissed. “And I’ll give it back if by some miracle you manage to succeed since I don’t have a use for it!” “Besides, it’s not as beautiful as mine, of course.” He added in a vain tone as he relaxed somewhat. “Plus I’m sure you won’t need it too much. You got other ways to impress someone, right? Or have you been so dependant on all those things to make them your entire identity? Are you really Maui if you don’t have your hook on you?”
Now caught up by the challenge and because he himself was not one to turn down said challenge, Maui pointed at the crab and snapped “I bet I could, crab cakes! I’ll brefriend someone, get my voice back from you, prove you wrong, and I’ll laugh about it for days when its all over!” Tamatoa chuckled. “You’re really that confident about this, Maui?” He turned around to look at his treasures before finding something and picked it up with his claw. “Ok, then I’ll add something to counter your funny little bet. If you win, you get your voice back and maybe more depending on how things go. If I win,” Tamatoa held up what looked like a necklace made with abolone shell fragments, pearls, and a dark purple sea shell at the very end that had flecks of gold embedded onto its surface “I get to take something of yours that you hold dear.” He warned in that sinister tone of voice that he took on when the mood suited him and for one moment it sounded as if he sang those exact words. “And I will be thinking about it the whole time you are up there doing who knows what.” As Maui stood there in silence, Tamatoa noticed that the concotion in the shell was starting to smoke. “Oh, look at that!” His voice took on an abrupt cheerful tone as if he didn’t sound like he was threatening Maui to begin with. “Looks like you’d better drink it before it goes sour!” Maui shut his eyes as he felt his tattoos try one last time to plead to him to not do this. It was now or never and there would probably never be another chance to try this out again. Except he would need to win the challenge if Tamatoa was going to steal any part of him that could be a danger if used incorrectly. Could he be able to do this if he was robbed of most of his identity? His voice? “Go ahead, make your choice.” Oh gods, was Tamatoa singing? He didn’t care anymore. Don’t do this! He could almost hear the tattoos plead. Who will protect the humans if you can’t?” “I’m a pretty busy person and I haven’t got all day!” His mind flashed back to that little girl who had been afraid of going blind but was still able to function with a smile despite the terror she had to go through. She was able to deal with the kakamora without her sight for a brief time and met him without knowing it before she got her sight back, so perhaps he could be the same as her. “If you want to cross a bridge my friend, you got to pay the toll!” Only without a voice. He proceeded to go up to the shell (against the protests of the tattoos), knelt beside it, and quickly scooped up his hands into the liquid within. Even though it was burning his hands, Maui didn’t stop as he quickly brought the liquid to his mouth and took a big drink of the foul tasting stuff. He continued to try to drink as much of the concoction as he could against the protests within and outside of his body until finally it was like something was thrashing inside his stomach. Then it felt like something was trying to force it’s way out of his innards by stabing him repeatedly from within. He let out a strangled sound and he grabbed his mouth with one hand as he crawled away from the shell. Something was steadily rising up inside him and then began to attack his throat; he almost wanted to cry as he felt himself choking on whatever was inside his throat but he dared not until he finally let out a scream that died out before it could even come when he heaved and vomited up a small, pale green orb that shone like a pearl. As Maui panted to try to catch his breath and try to clear his head while his stomach still felt like it was being attacked, the orb was carefully scooped up into the opened shell of the necklace in a delighted Tamatoa’s grasp. “Huh, I guess that made you the oyster then.” Tamatoa couldn’t help but comment. “Got to love the symbolism going on here.” “Oh, and the transaction is almost complete.” Tamatoa hissed and his grin widdened as he carefully closed up the shell with one claw while the other carefully held onto the necklace so that nothing would break. After carefully putting the necklace on his shell, he grabbed the shell on the ground and procceded to splash the rest of it’s contents over Maui before setting it back down. Maui’s panting became louder as he looked up at Tamatoa with pained eyes as parts of his flesh began to feel itchy from the neck down. He opened his mouth in an attempt to give the creature a few choice words before he felt as if he was begining to burn up as the heat inside him went up. Then the sensation got so intense that it felt as if he had been tossed into the heart of the fire that he once stole for the sake of men and it changed from his skin itching to outright burning in agony. It was so unbearable that he collapsed to the ground and couldn’t help but writhe on the ground as he let out screams that never came out. He felt himself already regretting the choice he had made. He had no clue what was happening to him right now, but he couldn’t think straight. He even began to tear his own fingernails through his flesh in protest against the fire that wasn’t there and yet felt as if it was there to begin with. Certain parts of his body were being spared from this unbearable illusion but even that wasn’t a relief as he felt a weariness take over and drain him of his strength as well as his will power. There were very few times where he wished he could just die and this was one of those times. He was almost convinced that he got his wish as his eyes gazed at the top of the lair and the hole where the water was right above them all and his world darkened to sweet oblivion. His last thought was a prayer to be tossed into the water and for this invisible fire to stop hurting him.

That... that was not a sight he wanted to see ever again. Yes, he could have a sadistic side now and then, but what he just saw happened to his former friend was not as enjoyable as he initially thought it would be. Maui–the legendary hero in all of the southern seas– was laying face up in the sands of his home and was now trapped in the body of a mortal man. A body that was missing almost all the original tattoos except for some that had been altered to the point of being unrecognizeable. Some were on part of the left side of his chest and most of his left shoulder and upper arm. There were some noticeable tattoos on his legs that also appeared to have been changed as well, but not to the extent as the ones that were left on his upper body. The rest of the body, however, had quite a few nasty looking scars or patches of red, irratated flesh, as if he had been burnt on the places where some of the tattoos used to be. No, it was more like most of those tattoos had been burned away. It even looked like that was what had happened when Tamatoa was watching the change and it was not a pleasant sight to behold. Perhaps that was the punishment that Maui worried about. In removing the tattoos given to him by the gods, they were replaced with scars that served as proof of what he had done. It was probably going to be another hinderance in his attempt to stay mortal since it didn’t make him look that attractive to the eye. Oh well, his loss. “You poor unfortunate soul.” Tamatoa picked up Maui and he could feel just how mortal he really was. One strong squeeze would be all that he would need to just kill him, but there was no fun in that. “You’re going to regret what you did, old friend.” Tamatoa smirked at the still asleep demi-god who was now currently a mortal. “You are lucky I don’t want to kill you right now.” Before he knew it, he felt something come splashing down upon his face. He flinched back with a startled cry and let go of Maui before backing away as far as he could and shook his head. “What the–?!” He looked up in time to see a pillar of water come out of the hole in his home. It came down upon Maui and sucked him up right into it before taking him out of the cave and up into the ocean above. Tamatoa was transfixed by the sight until the water rose back up and completely vanished from the cave. “What was–?” He tried to comprehend what just happened until he realized something he didn’t consider. “Oh.” He gulped as a feeling of dread came over him; the ocean was said to be alive, which meant that if it was not aware what had just transpired, then someone else had to have known about it. If one of the gods knew what happened, he was probably going to get in as much hot water as Maui would, if not worse. “Then again, they can’t really do anything about it since its already too late.” He shook the concern off as he turned to the abandoned fish hook. “I’m not trying to do anything that’ll cause harm to the world and besides,” He picked up the fish hook in one claw and  he grabbed the purple shelled necklace that contained Maui’s voice off his back in his other claw “I’d like to see if Maui thinks he can get away with pretending to be a mortal before something happens to him.” His grin was so horrific that it would give one nightmares. “There’s no telling what could happen.” He added as he examined both objects. And anyway, even if Maui didn’t have to worry about the consequences of his actions or the enemies he had made as a demi-god, then who in all of the southern seas could even come close to tolerating him as he was now?

“You seem distracted.” “Huh?” Moana looked up from weaving the basket to look at her mother who was giving her a patient smile as she also worked on a basket alongside a few women and girls. “The pattern doesn’t look that well bounded together.” She pointed to the basket Moana was working on. Moana looked down and saw that at some point her weaving became quite uneven and there were a few holes that were too big to make the appearance of the basket look visually appealing or even passable as a proper basket. “Oh,” Moana sighed in disapointment as she stopped and examined the basket. “I suppose I did.” “Perhaps you need to clear your mind for a bit.” Sina suggested. “Its possible to get too lost in thought during a task.” “Maybe I shouldn’t.” Moana frowned as she examined her mother’s own basket. Sina started the basket at the beggining of the day and already everyone else was about to finish their own, while her’s was about half way done. Sina also looked a little worn out for some strange reason, as if she did not get enough sleep the night before. “I don’t want to abandon you when I’m not even done yet.” “It’s fine, Moana.” Sina shook her head. “You’ll be very busy soon, so take a moment to enjoy some time off.” “You won’t be able to finish before the sun reaches the highest point in the sky. Are you sure you don’t–?” “I appreciate your concern, but please go and have some time to yourself.” Sina politely declined before looking up at the sky. “And please behave yourself!” She reminded the glowing orb up in the sky as she pointed a finger at it. “Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time?!” Moana laughed as she set her basket aside and walked away. Pua noticed that she was leaving and, believing that she was done, he followed her. Moana hummed a song as she walked away from the village and checked her surroundings while Pua trotted beside her. She picked up a stick and pretended that the kakamora (she learned what sort of creatures they were from Grandma Tala) were about ready to tackle her but she swated them away as swiftly as she could. True, she still needed to work on her accuracy, but she was convinced that she was getting better. When she had gotten so far away from the village that no one would have seen her, Mona realized something when she looked at her surroundings. “I’m alone!” She grinned. No one had known exactly where she had gone off to and now she could head towards the ocean. She quickly picked up Pua and hurried off towards one of the many shorelines, where she dared not make a sound until she knew that she was completely alone. With a delighted laugh, she set Pua on the ground and began to sing as she ran ankle deep through the water to her heart’s content when she got close enough. Fulfilling the urge to enjoy this forbidden delight felt more satisfying than anything she could imagine. She bent over to place her hands in the water and felt it surge between her fingers as she also ran through it. She was proud to be next in line as the Cheif of her people, and she adored her village and its people, but if Moana would be able to have the ocean in her life, then she was sure that her life could be completely content. When she saw an abandoned fishing canoe that was not so far away, she let out a delighted gasp and hurried towards it. “Oh my gosh!” She knelt beside it and ran her hands across it’s surface and enjoyed the slightly worn down texture of the wood against her fingertips. She pressed her nose against it and she could smell the salty sea infused within the wood. “I am going to ride something like you one of these days!” Moana told the boat. It wasn’t as marvelous as the other boat she had once found some time ago, but this one was still a good looking boat. “Or maybe I’ll take you out today?” Moana grinned mischievously.
As she thought about this, Pua noticed that Heihei had somehow gotten this far away from the village as well. In fact, the rooster was pecking at something on top of a small cliff in the distance before walking forward and falling right off it with a loud cry. He let out a snort; the bird creeped him out sometimes, but his stupidness balanced it out in a weird way. Still he had to make sure that Heihei didn’t finally snap his neck in half so he headed on over as fast as he could while his human friend admired the boat. Pua slowed his pace when he made it to the cliffside and walked around to find a spot of sand and stones and Heihei, who had miraculously survived. In fact he was already pecking at a head with dark hair that was so wild looking that would put many other heads to shame. Wait a minute. A head of dark hair? Pua looked again and realized that Heihei was pecking at the head of a man who was laying on his stomache in the sand. A large bodied man (bigger than any human Pua had ever seen) who looked unconcious but was clearly breathing. He quickly shot off and let out a loud series of squeals to alert Moana. Moana herself had managed to get the boat into the water, get on it, and just as she was about to grab the oar, she heard Pua squealing. She turned around to see him call to her and she could sense that something was wrong by the way he was frantically running around in circles. Alarmed by this, Moana jumped off the boat and was almost knee deep in water, but she ignored how wet her skirt got from this as she ran towards Pua, who lead her towards the small cliffside. “Pua?! Pua what’s wrong?!” She called. Unknown to her, the ocean itself was carefully watching what she was doing. It had watched many people before the young child, including her own grandmother who loved to dance in it. It had been watching this girl for as long as she first swam in it and due to certain circumstances it had been watching her ever since. Watching her try so desperately to go back to it, talk to it, and forced to sacrifice her chances to go to it, whether it be for a family reason or out of compassion for others. The ocean was able to do one thing for the girl this time, even though it would come at a serious risk for her and her people. No matter how much either of them changed over the years (quite drastically in one case), it was time for Moana to finally see the face of the one who had saved her life those many years ago.

I’m a jerk and so is Tamatoa. It’s fun to be a sadistic jerk through characters like Tamatoa, isn’t it? :D No seriously, its fun to write someone who can be really mean once in awhile. That’s one of the things that makes writing enjoyable. I thought he could be just antagonistic instead of outright evil, but we will see how things go and if that can even be possible. I was nervous about the removal of the tattoos, since- well, you proably saw my note at the beginning, didn’t you? Granted, I don’t think all of them would come off or leave scars behind. What was left behind was drastically altered on purpose because I heard that you can’t copy another’s tattoo in the Polynesian culture for your own (and I admit I was a little inspired by Dwayne Johnson’s tattoos, but its not going to be exactly like his for that same reason). I also did it because... well, if you look at the Art of Moana book and see how many tattoos are actually on Maui’s legs, you also see how far they extend upward... Uh, yeah let’s just leave it at that. I think I did Maui a big favor by not getting rid of those tattoos. “But will this be permanent?” you ask in concern? Uh.... I can’t spoil anything right now. I gave Maui three weeks to be fair instead of three days. (Three days just to get someone to kiss you through true love, Disney? Yeah, THAT’S the kind of message you want to send to kids *sarcasm*.) And as you can tell, I made it so that it is possible to make it so that a platonic relationship can be used to make the spell permanent (IF it happens, of course) instead of ‘Oh just kiss her/get him to marry you.’ Oh.... uh, about the Poor Unfortunate Soul bit not working out... I couldn’t think up any decent lyrics beyond what I gave you and it was hard to come up with good rhymes for it. That’s why I had to cut it short and-

“YOU WHAT?!” The writer looked up from her laptop to see one large and very angry (and very sparkly) crusteacean in front of her. “Wh-?” The writer’s jaw dropped. “What–?! WHAT?!” She threw her hands out at the crab. “HOW?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!” “I DEMAND YOU GO BACK AND FIX THAT!” Tamatoa yelled almost right in her face. “DO I LOOK LIKE I’M HOWARD ASHMAN OR LIN MANUEL MIRANDA TO YOU?!” The writer yelled back. “AND HOW IN THE HECK DID YOU BREAK THE FOURTH WALL?! I THOUGHT I LEFT THAT GAG BEHIND IN MY ZELDA FAN FICS!” “Watch it, sweetheart.” Tamatoa growled. “I’ve heard that some pretty nasty things had happened to you whenever you made cameos in your own stories. You really want to tempt that?” The writer went silent for a moment. “Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me!” She pressed a button on her laptop. One of the pirate ships from the Peter Pan ride at Disney Land appeared and she quickly got on it (with laptop in hand). “LATERS!” She yelled as the ship sped off. “GET BACK HERE!” “NOT WHEN YOU’RE THREATENING TO KILL ME, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!”