#am i a transtrender now?

[genderqueerdykes]

took me a while to accept i was transmasc because i was so afraid of being "wrong".. that i would be one of those "fake ones" because i didn't necessarily hate being a woman. hate on "transtrenders" really stunted my growth for a while, even though i was not hesistant to identify as queer despite living in a country where it was borderline illegal (now its just illegal Straight Up but thats besides the point)

being a guy brings me so much joy and i wish fellow queer people didnt shit on us for identifying as such.

thanks for taking the time to send this, anon, i really appreciate it.

i am so sorry you have gone through this, your voice deserves to be heard. people think that all of this is "petty internet drama" but the people targeted by the term "transtrender" are real people. it doesn't matter how old they are, or how they identify, that's still a real person. the messed up thing is i still see people calling transmascs and trans men transtrenders. it happens to people of all genders but this term is specifically used to target and harass trans men and mascs.

i am really sorry to hear that identifying outwardly as queer is straight up illegal where you live. i hear this so often from people who reach out to this blog and it pains me to hear every single time. you don't deserve that. you don't deserve to live a life in silence. you don't deserve to have to deal with aggression from within your own community. you are not being trans "wrong". no matter who tells you that

stay safe, take care, and i really appreciate you for taking the time to send this. we have to be kinder to one another. it's the only way forward

[genderkoolaid]

Regarding your last rb- Cis people can use they/them too tho, right? Or am I misunderstanding the issue?

They can, but using "cissexual" to me specifically is a red flag.

"Cissexual" is the opposite of "transsexual," a word with a history of transmedicalist use. To be clear, I myself identify as transsexual in regards to having medically transitioned. But doing so is partially a fuck you to the people who distinguish between True Transsexuals and us lowly transgenders/transtrenders (who are assumed to not medically transition).

In the context of that tweet (being about nonbinary people and specifically ones that don't read as nonbinary immediately), the vibe I got was that a "cissexual she/they" was referring to a presumed assigned-female person who passes as a cis woman. Now, a person fitting that receipt may identify as cis, or even cissexual, which is fine! But describing an NB person as "cissexual" without any context of if that person prefers that term makes one sound like a transmed.

[goodluckclove]

So apparently when I drink enough to start posing real questions (such as "what spec fiction author would be the most fun to party with"), my body reacts poorly and I end up with insomnia. I've been lying in bed for about four and a half hours just pondering before I realized I'm an adult and I can just change locations.

I'm in the living room now. Bob seems happy for the attention. And I'd like to share my central ponder of the night, centered around how much of a bummer it is that like most of the online queer centered spaces I've seen consist of rampant in-fighting.

Stay with me here. Seriously this is a long one I'm very tired.

I'm not coming from some nonsense centrist place of no conflict ever. I just feel like so much queer conversation I see is either vague blanket support, or a massive thread that somehow starts in the middle of an argument. And as someone who is not necessarily old, but definitely not active online, this is super isolating.

I think it's a really interesting anthropological concept that as queer culture develops it becomes more niche and simultaneously more vague. That's cool. The downside is that I am now the human embodiment of that Griffin Mcelroy meme about not knowing what something is and being too afraid to ask. And every time I see someone who is clearly super passionate about some queer take, I really want to ask why they think what they do or how they came to that conclusion, but holy shit that feels dangerous.

Like it's not an immediate invalidation to ask why. More modern queer identities are so varied there's a very good chance two people experiencing the same circumstances might have two radically different reasons and ways to get there. I am at the point where I no longer think anyone can speak for our collective queer experience unless they use the broadest of terms. I'm genuinely just grieving that we're immediately giving each other shit over variations instead of getting together and comparing notes.

Oh but Google is free - fuck off. Like straight up. That shit flies for the surface level information and it's crazy to me that more people don't acknowledge that. Google is free for people who think there's only one intersex variation. Google is free for people who really want to know if scissoring is real. At this point in society there are multiple generations of queer people (or people in general) with multiple senses of online validity. Someone who grew up in the 90s might trust a more traditional source for information rather than a google doc or Tumblr post or reddit thread or tiktok, and by that logic they aren't really going to be convinced by any Googling they do for a lot of new cultural shifts.

Like I was a teen with shit opinions. I was snarky about "transtrenders" who used neopronouns. Not online or to anyone - I wasn't a complete dipshit - but I definitely thought it. If I posted about it online I'd say all the regular arguments and the opposing side would say all their regular arguments and we'd block each other and accomplish nothing.

Which would be a massive shame because one of my shining qualities is my ability to admit when I'm wrong. There's a much better alternate reality in which I did post about how people who think you don't need dysphoria to be trans are cringe, and some kind trans person asked why I thought that. Because then I'd say something like because everyone wants to be trans that doesn't mean you're just allowed to say you are.

And then they'd probably be like yeah maybe you should talk to more people about this and consider where you're coming from, saving me like ten years of gatekeeping myself from my own identity.

Like I tried the Googling thing for something niche that I'm curious about. I learned about aplatonicism recently and was like huh. New info. But every post I see in the aplatonic tag is already angry about being aplatonic so I'm not about to take space with my own curiosity.

But after scrolling a Reddit thread I am more confused than ever. I don't know what a squish is, friends. I mean, I know the definition - but my brain doesn't think of human relationships like that. People were talking about having friends that they love but they don't have squish love or friend love, also aplatonic describes some autistic people, also also aplatonic is a word specifically used for aromantic people who don't want QPRs. I don't think any of this is wrong. I do think that it is so much information that it cancels out in my brain, and now I kind of just think aplatonic is a word that means things sometimes. And that's not what I want.

I'm being self indulgent because I don't think anyone is reading this far and I'm feeling relaxed because I took an Adderall earlier today and I feel like I can actually think for the first time in months. I want to ask some aplatonic people what they think "friend love" is supposed to be compared to what they feel for their friends, if they have them. If they don't have a need for friends, I am very curious to know what they think about the friend list function on virtually every social media website and game. Like this is not a bit. I've been awake in bed for almost five hours and it occurred to me that might be a bummer. Maybe some people use them out of convenience, but I think it would be interesting to meet a person who's so staunch in their philosophy that they just don't. I feel like there's probably a lot of aplatonic people who are like just straight up not online and don't even know that's their vibe.

I want to ask some loveless aros what they consider to be positive emotions or motivations in their lives. Like I'm so full of love for virtually anything that the concept of not having that emotion across the board makes me wonder if something else fills the space. Like do loveless aros love ideas? Do they love their hobbies? I don't think aromantics are sociopaths at all, I've just seen people who both say that loveless is reclaiming a slur and also defining a lack of love and I'd like to know more about both.

I saw a post on my feed about how anyone should be allowed to get gender affirming surgery even if they aren't trans. I don't disagree. That argument has honestly never occured to me and I really wish I could've asked why someone would want that. Because "a cis man might want a vagina" is valid, but doesn't fly in terms of actual logistics. You have to make so many appointments and wait for so long and answer so many questions. I'm aware my opinion on this is heavily biased by being Agender and actively ridding my body of as many secondary sexual characteristics as quickly as possible. I am not immune to the propaganda of my own identity. I would just like to have an in-depth conversation with a cis man that wants a vagina and ask why and also if they think it's worth the maintenance. Because, like, there IS maintenance.

I'm not doing it to judge. If this hypothetical man is like "yeah I know I'd have to keep up with the upkeep and maybe wear hormone patches from now on, but structurally it makes sense for my view of my own manhood", I'd be like "that's really interesting, I considered adding a penis to my architecture but then decided that it would probably be a sensory nightmare for me. I'm surprised so many cis men can ride a bike."

And then maybe he'd say "where do you think cis men put their pensises when they ride a bike?" To which I would say "I don't know the mechanics of a penis and at this point the thought of learning in which direction I'd have to stick my hypothetical one makes me anxious."

And then he'd kind of scoff bemusedly, and we'd go out together for banh mis.

I think at this point in my rant I'm realizing that my major issue here is that the world as a whole is not friendly to genuine curiosity. I also get triggered by hate bait, and it bothers me that I can't pull the subject of the cringe fuel aside and be like what are you doing? Like, not judgementally. I want you to explain to me what you are doing and why it's important to you.

I don't think it'll convince me every time, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like "ah, okay. Makes sense." And then move on with a greater understanding of the growth of humanity.

And also we can get banh mis.

I really want a bahn mi but I can't bike to get one or else my guts will fall out. Gender affirming surgery is a mistake for the sole reason that it prevents me from yummy Vietnamese sandwiches.

Kidding. I'm kidding, not having a uterus anymore has been pretty cool.

The sun came up.

Fuck.

[theeggoman]

I am genuinely scared that once AI starts officially and somehow legally stealing art from artists on Twitter to feed into Elon Musk's AI company that there will be no more spaces for LGBT people to exist online. I'm talking about NSFW art, NSFW writing, discussions about kink and BDSM and leather, advice about transitioning and surgery and STD testing, resources for homeless LGBT youth, comics and animations and stories about queer love. The internet loves to hate gay sex. They demonize us, humiliate us, infantilize our bodily autonomy and choice and the moment you bring up anything relating to your own sexual experiences you're now a target for ridicule and shame. We are not profitable. We are not family friendly. We are "inappropriate" for normal people, and across every single social media platform we are banned. Our discussions about the basic human experience of sex expressed in ANY WAY are eventually banned. Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, Youtube, Tik Tok, Deviant art, the restrictions and requirements and borderline threats from Patreon. As much as we've all hated it, Twitter has been a final stand. It's a place for furry art and gay porn and weird kinky fanfiction and BDSM. There's a community of people who exist together online and nowhere else. And people don't care that we're losing it, yet again, because they want people to like us. They want people to approve of us, to accept us. They want to be palatable for a straight audience, for a heterosexual society that has only barely begun to tolerate us out of necessity and the turn of deemed popular opinion. It's the internet mob mentality that crucified trans youth as "transtrenders" out of fear that they themselves would be targeted next. It's the accusations against drag queens being inappropriate for children. It's the LGB without the T because they fear they will be next. If they could just package us into something respectable, maybe the rest of the world wouldn't hate them so much, right? Get rid of the "bad" gays and suddenly our parents will love us again. Show them they're wrong, we're not pedophiles and rapists and groomers like they've been accusing us of being for centuries, we're NORMAL and GOOD and PURE, we like Heartstopper, not Yaoi! We don't fetishize gay men, we don't sexualize our trauma! We don't even LIKE sex! See, we think sex is immoral and shameful and wrong just like you. Will you love us now?

The truth is they will never love us. They will never want us. They will never accept us. The more we fight for our rights, they more they will try to take them way. The more we fight amongst ourselves, the more they will try to divide us.

I probably sound insane talking about niche queer Fandom spaces like some kind of gay revolution, but the ability to be unapologetically gay and trans and gross and weird and find a community of people you can be with who are all like you, who are working through that trauma together, who you meet online and fly out to visit in real life, who you love: It matters. It matters so much that they keep trying to take it away from us. I don't really know what the future holds here, I'm just rambling my anger onto the only platform that actuslly gives a shit about the artists on it. I just want the young people in the community to understand that this IS a community. And it matters.

[velvetvexations]

As an "afab enby", I have never felt like part of the trans community. Since I am "non-transitioning" outside of changing pronouns, to a large portion of the "community" im just a tucute transtrender theyfab cis woman whose doing this to just Be Special. Its super great knowing that by merit of Just Existing I am? Somehow? Taking "resources" (what resources?) Away from those who Really Need Them.

I am jaded, honestly, because as a teen back in 2014 I saw all the anti-nonbinary discourse and it sure is great to know that it never left and to a non-zero amount of people Im faking it and Obviously dont have any internal reasons for wanting to do this. I must not have ANY insight as to why I feel the way I do! Obviously I just want to be oppressed So Bad.

Nevermind the fact I know irl I can never come out to anyone about this because like, who would believe me? I look like a woman so even if I say I use they/them Obviously Im just going this for Attention and its a Phase ill grow out of despite id'ing as Agender for A While Now.

Idk, sorry. I have a lot of angry feelings towards a lot of tumblr discourse. Thanks for letting me throw this here.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Surround yourself with the right people the best you can. They are out there.

[our-transgender-experiences]

Hello everybody! (CW: LGBTQ-phobia is mentioned)

I only wanted to know whether I'm real transgender or transTRENDER... Let me explain now. Sorry for being so long, but it's my most honest confession.

I was a stupid boy ("girl") till I was 8 and never realized I was not cishet 'cause my parents "censored" everything connected to LGBTQ+ and "unobtrusively" convinced me that I was a straight girl (tbh, politics and sex were also forbidden topics in our house; interestingly enough, my family ain't religious, all of them are atheists). I didn't even have a thought that a boy could like boys and "a woman may want to be called a man." I gave no thought that I might not be what my parents want me to be: a straight girl who loves her husband and has children.

I only learned the word "lesbian" when my aunt accidently said it (I was 8 y. o.), and after I asked my dad the meaning of this word. He got absolutely furious and only said, quoting, "These are mentally ill girls who need to be rap... ahem, who need to have s*x with men." So, like, you know now how it was in my family.

I "had" a "crush" on my best friend when I was 9-10. It was totally made up by me because EVERYONE (our parents, friends, classmates, and even teachers) would ship us, not even listening to our "no." My dad was absolutely happy that I "have found a future husband, like every normal girl," and I just felt disconnected from this. Not only with the "found a future husband" part but also with "every normal girl" part, too. Nonetheless, I suppressed every thought like this.

I only got internet access when I was 10-11 y.o. I was getting into puberty and hated my chest: I couldn't find a reason to explain this to my parents, who knew about me disliking my growing breasts. Subconsciously, I wanted to be like my the most favorite guitarist (he's a man) from the band of my childhood. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and why I couldn't be like him. But I quickly thought it was because of my chest and was actually right.

The first time I saw the word "transgender" was when I turned 12. I learned about the pronouns and felt a strong connection to she/they and he/they set. I tried using "he/they," but I stopped in a day due to the simple fact that it felt unusual. I immediately banned myself from thinking of this, putting a limit: I can only be an ally. The problem was that I never had any strong position because my parents were constantly brainwashing me. So, I have seen some posts about radical feminism... and sooner became a TERF.

Honestly, radical feminism helped to accept my aroaceness, but it's the only good thing it has done to me. I started hating men simply because they were men, and I also started wishing death on all trans people for "supporting gender stereotypes." I had no reason for this: I was just brainwashed by TERFs when I was 13. I didn't support the whole feminism: I only hated trans people because... why? (P. S. I still hate myself for this period of life) TERFs forced me to think I am proud to be a girl, even though I MYSELF (!) never believed in it. Also, it is worth saying that being radfem was actually quite popular (if I can say it) in my country in 2020-2021 / 2022 (maybe it's still popular now, idk), so many girls were (or are) into that.

Deep down, when I looked through the photos of my favorite guitarist and thought he was handsome... and I felt jealous since I'm not like him, but I quickly restricted myself from thinking of this. I didn't know it was gender envy.

When I was turning 14, my ex-friend helped me to realize I had masculine features. And then I realized I was a guy with he/they pronouns (I go by he/him now). And I felt... relieved? It’s as if my life has acquired colors that weren’t there before this moment. I had no idea what my name was... My deadname always seemed to me so usual, but not mine, and my inner boy was almost killed with TERF's f*cking ideology. I googled some boy names and... I found an amazing one, which was the best for me (even if it wasn't typical for my country).

I went to the psychologist (who turned out to be an impostor and did not have a diploma). She said I was the girliest girl she had ever seen, and I'm faking it.

I have changed SO many labels, trying to find the most suitable one, but now I just label myself transgender man and don't give a damn. I have two names now: the one I have chosen when I was 14 and the most recent one when I realized nobody's gonna call me by my first chosen name. Both feel nice for me, and I'm even thinking of getting the other two (I'm fascinated by Janick, Dariusz, and Friedrich, honestly, but I believe 5 names will be too much for me). The guitarist I adore is still my gender envy. 🤣

I WANT to look like a man and transition... but I always think I'm not trans enough. I nearly killed my real self, letting my parents and TERFs decide who I am. What if I'm not trans and just faking it? What if the internet has brainwashed me, and I'm not real trans? I don't wanna be a "typical masculine man" or a "typical feminine woman," I wanna be myself. And my real me is dead. What if I'm just a gendervoid and can turn into everything: girl, boy, nonbinary, bigender, etc? What if I have lost in my dreams and I'm a girl? What if I'm just a transtrender?

Sorry for being so long. Thanks for reading. Sorry for taking your time.

you are 'trans enough', and even if you decide your not later, thats fine. you can be whoever you want, forever. i'm happy that you figured it out, despite terfs and parents.

also, you dont need to apologise for sending something, its what this blog is for!

[d-parade]

Is “transgenderism” just another youth subculture?

As much as the words “transtrender” and “brainwashing” sound extremely harsh and hateful, the fact is that there is some truth to them.

(Personally, I wouldn’t like to use these words as they might come off as too biased even though they do represent my views somewhat.)

It is no lie that children and teenagers are constantly in the process of finding and discovering themselves. They are the peak of progressiveness. This can be seen all throughout history with rising rebellion trends that goes against the norm.

Take for example (because I’m kinda obsessed with it), the bosozoku and yankii youth subculture in the 80s and 90s in Japan. Teenage gangsters exploded in popularity. Gang fights, underage smoking, biking all spiked during this era. Why? Because it heavily went against the traditional Japanese culture of being an upright student with good grades. Teenagers were sick of it and hence decided to rebel.

This is a trend.

Another example would be the emo scene during the 2000s, though I won’t be going into that.

If you notice, many youth subcultures tend to go against societal expectations and norms because it is stemmed out of frustration of being in a suffocating rigid society.

Now… what does this sound like? Hell yea, the transgender movement. The young people involved, the sudden spike, it’s intertwine with one’s entire identity and self expression, and the general push it has towards progression.

This is what youth rebellion looks like in the 2020s. It is exactly the same as all the other subcultures that preceded it.

But it’s going overboard, way too overboard.

Youth subcultures and the rest of the world always had a sort of divide between them, but living in mutual disagreement. There were always backlash and discrimination from the older generation, and sometimes from others in their own generation.

Transgenderism doesn’t escape this. But the slippery slope of liberalisation and conservatism pushed these issues to opposite far ends, resulting in extremism which churns out more hate. As you can see, this creates an endless cycle that would not stop anytime soon.

Furthermore, the rise of transgenderism ropes in transsexualism, due to misunderstanding that they are one and the same. You can understand how this is harmful as transsexualism is a medical issue, transgenderism much less so.

I would also like to point out how many participants of old youth subculture have grown out of it. If you were to talk to them in the past, they would tell you that they believe that they will forever live like this and that it was part of them, not because it was a trend. But if you were to talk to them now, they understand it was merely a trend that they unconsciously followed. Of course, there’s some who still partake in the culture, but the vast majority wouldn’t.

This is a hint that transgenderism is a youth subculture. We’re also seeing it now, as the prevalence of eccentric neopronouns and such have been decreasing ever since it’s spike in 2020-2022.

Enough rambling.

In conclusion, I do believe that there’s always been frustration based on gender expectations which might lead to the desire of being the opposite sex, or leaving the idea of binary gender altogether. Similar to how some black people might’ve wished to be born white so that they wouldn’t have to undergo slavery. But the transgenderism we see today is definitely just another rebellious youth subculture that has gone too far.

Are participants valid as humans? Of course.

Am I saying your feelings and experiences are not real? Not at all, they’re very real to you right now and I wholeheartedly understand.

But am I going to feed into the idea that being trans is your true, never changing self? No, because I believe you will slowly grow out of it, and that the transgender movement will eventually die down when two sides reach an equilibrium. Although, this might take another 10 years or so.

I’ll use pronouns if it makes sense, respect you as a human. But am I going to encourage things that I believe will harm you in the future? No.

Most of all, it’s crucial to know that leaving behind something you thought was your entire identity is fine. It’s all part of being a teenager/ young adult and growing up.

[fanby-fckry]

Random vent: (If this is rebloggable, it’s a glitch/me forgetting to turn reblogs off; please don’t reblog)

Content Warning: Transphobia, exorsexism, queer infighting

Transmascs who don’t believe in transandrophobia confuse me. Like, have you never experienced it? How have you never experienced it?

I guess some of them are just too white? I know it’s definitely worse for trans men/mascs of color, especially Black trans men/mascs, because antiblackness already hits Black men super hard, and adding transphobia on top of that just intensifies it.

But like, I’m white and I’ve had experiences with transandrophobia? I would say that maybe this is a ‘coming out in 2014 USA, just 1 year after we decided it was time to try and catch up to the rest of the world on trans healthcare’ thing, but this whole theyfab bullshit is pretty transandrophobic.

(Don’t come for me on that. I survived Tumblr’s 2010’s tucute vs transmed discourse. Like 90% of ‘transtrender’ stereotypes were about AFAB nonbinary people being feminine/having boobs/not binding, along with the non-dysphoric/semi-dysphoric thing, and “weird” genders/pronouns. There was a very strange, sometimes vaguely sexual focus on our boobs. I did not run a tucute blog just for people to rebrand this bullshit and act like it’s not transphobic/transandrophobic/exorsexist.)

Also, speaking of exorsexism, intersex people get left in the dust in transmasc vs transfemme infighting, and they deserve better. Perisex trans people stfu and acknowledge that the sex binary is just as much a social construct as the gender binary, listen to intersex people, and accept nuance challenge.

Anyways, just in case people genuinely cannot recognize transandrophobia, here are some of my experiences:

I cannot research my own medical condition without being misgendered, because it involves having a uterus

I cannot find an OBGYN to help me treat said medical condition that doesn’t misgender me; most have “women” in the practice name, and I spend time educating my fucking doctor about trans & nonbinary identities, just to still get misgendered. Because I’d rather not have my uterus make me literally psychotic roughly once a month, I grin and bear it.

The aforementioned transtrender/theyfab stuff

People assuming that being transmasc is just a symptom of “internalized misogyny” or “being fed up with how patriarchal society treats women” (I mean, I am fed up with the patriarchy, but I’m still fucking trans)

Not being taken seriously because I take birth control and not T (Again: medical condition! PMDD is already understudied because of medical misogyny, and I haven’t seen anything but a single instance of anecdotal evidence regarding the effectiveness of T as treatment. There’s no guarantee that T will stop my periods, and even if it does, some people still PMS or get cramps on T after losing periods, and PMDD is PMS on crack, with cramps so bad they set off my abdominal migraines!)

There is a very specific brand of transmasc infantilization that I’ve been subject to (I know transfemmes are infantilized too, but people often come at us both from different angles, and it’s ok to acknowledge that; transmisogyny and transandrophobia can exist at the same time and even overlap somewhat without us invalidating each other’s experiences)

My cis ex-bf often weaponized transandrophobia and exorsexism, along with against me, claiming it was “difficult” to be with someone who was nonbinary, that he was being oh-so patient and kind to me by not dumping me after I came out, and implying that nobody else would want me because I wasn’t a girl anymore (joke’s on him: I’m t4t now, motherfucker)

My trans fiancé and I are called lesbians on the regular. Even if we explain it, some people will argue, as if we don’t have the agency to define our own genders and relationship. And if they don’t, usually the best I can hope for irl is to get his gender recognized because he passes better, and have people think we’re a straight couple.

And that’s just me, personally. I don’t have the intersecting marginalizations that trans men/mascs of color and intersex trans men/mascs do. I haven’t been straight up denied medical care like some trans men/mascs. I haven’t been arrested for possession of legally acquired T like some trans men/mascs. I’ve never been harassed or assaulted for being transmasc like some people have. (I’ve been harassed for being trans, but that was actually general transphobia and exorsexism; it wasn’t targeting my transmasculinity, but the fact that I was trans/nonbinary at all.)

Like, if you’re transmasc and you’ve never experienced any of that, good for you, I guess? But that doesn’t mean the rest of us aren’t out here in the trenches.

[strawberryamanita]

Alright, it was a bad idea to go into the neurosparkly tag. People are chill in the neurospicy tag, but it's just hatepost after hatepost after hatepost in the neurosparkly tag.

I was gonna keep my mouth shut, but now I'm pissed. Y'all really know how to make a person's skin crawl.

Rant below.

Listen, this reeks of one person pulling "neurosparkly" and "neurospicy" out of a very obscure conversation and going "hmm, this gives me the willies, so it looks like an acceptable target to me!", and I'm already sick of it. This gives me the exact same vibes as that one famous post about transmeds vs transtrenders -- this idea of pinning one form of self-expression against another, in the name of dunking on fellow marginalized people that are giving your demographic "a bad name". To that end, I'd like to remind y'all that the original artist of that post admitted they weren't acting right about trans people that aren't like them, and so I'm hoping we get over this and get over it soon.

Because we cannot keep doing this.

Every. Summer. Every fucking Summer, this website has to put a spotlight on a new group to punch down on. First it was just about every LGBTQIA+ group outside of cis gay men you could imagine -- lesbians, bis/pans, trans people, ace people, non-binary people, people who identify as queer (we're literally all queer, but that's another convo all together), you name it. It literally never stops, you people have to be taught over and over again that, no, this one group isn't okay to target either, that's your family too, you're not better than them for being a different flavor of weird.

Now we're doing this to neurodivergent people? Neurodivergent people. The overwhelming majority of this website. You're gonna try and clown on other neurodivergent people for, what is it, being cringe? After we just agreed that embracing cringe is a huge step towards self-acceptance and self-love? tumblr is THE cringe website. We don't do optics here, we don't clean our metaphorical rooms when guests are over.

Like what, we have to take every moment of our neurodivergent lives seriously? It's ridiculous enough that we have a "normal" model for how a brain should be, compared to all the different ways a person can develop. Are we such tragic figures that we can't take the smallest delight in calling ourself a fun little nickname? It's not self-censoring, it's not like "handicapable vs disabled", let's not treat this thing like a gust of wind on the house of cards that is our (quite necessary) camaraderie.

Are we gonna start zeroing in on specific neurodivergent conditions next? How long are we gonna play this stupid game of Who Is It Okay To Bully on this website? If you wanna look like a mature and poised and respectable lot, you can't be doing something so petty, whether it's for fun or "for the cause".

Y'know what? I support neurosparkly. I support neurospicy. My neurotype is glow-in-the-dark. It's glittery, it's color-changing, it's metallic and covered in rhinestones and smells like artificial fruits. My neurotype is crayon drawings and old kids' meal toys and bubble machines and getting bleary-eyed over Muppet songs. My brain is covered in holographic stickers and playing 8bit videogame music on loop. I am Cringemeister General. You could only wish to be as cringe as me.

Now cringe. Cringe and cope and seethe and mald. Dig up everything you can about me to attempt to punish me for disagreeing with you, and let your confirmation bias run wild. Post me on r/cringe, make a YouTube or TikTok video about me, pick me apart on a livestream, make me the poster-boy of your disgust, print out a screenshot of my blog and throw darts at it. Dance the dance of self-hatred, and then wait in the wings until you get to dance it again.

Eugh.

I'm gonna close this rant using every argument that I've seen effectively shut down these yearly attempts at putting eachother in the pillories, because I don't know if I can take another Summer of this:

If you start picking on people for using "neurosparkly" or "neurospicy", I'm assuming you're a fed. Infighting only helps the oppressors, and if we spend our energy trying to police eachother we're not going to get anything done. Kill the cringe cop in your head. There's as many ways for a person to live as are, have been, and will be people on this planet; there's a good chance you're gonna hear about some people who give you the ick, but you're gonna have to swallow that ick and respect them anyhow.

Every ounce of energy you spend rolling your eyes at people you consider beneath you can be spent chipping away at a person in power. Every minute you choose to spend tsking or turning up your nose at "weird" kids can be spent advocating for that weirdness and normalizing being fucking nice to people. You punch down or punch across because it gives you quicker, more visible results; if we're all punching up, they'll have no other option than to listen to us.

There is enough room for everybody. Even the neurospicies, even the neurosparklies.

PS: Any attempts to make fun of me or the people I talked about in this post are just straight-up gonna be ignored. I don't see why you'd want to convince me to think less of others, so trying to sway me is gonna be difficult on your part. I'm not debating anyone's rights, and I'm not gonna conserve spoons to argue with a stranger. I have Anons turned off already, so if you wanna get up in my virtual face you won't have a disguise to protect you.

Thank you for your time.

[frostbite-the-bat]

doodled some feelings on a bleed thru sketchbook page (text in alt text)

Congrats to Kalvin Garrah to successfully traumatizing a whole generation of both nonbinary and transmasculine people (is both) cringe culture sucks fuck transmeds

Anyways ramble below

I had a few other times I got misgendered as "he" through my sona art, because they were more masculine and ambiguous on purpose before I accepted I'm trans

I use the word accept because I fought it for a long time, and I was scared of suddenly changing my pronouns and stuff even while most of my friends at the time were literally furry trans girls - one day I bit the bullet and went by she/they and realized how unhappy feminine pronouns made me and so I just said OK Fuck You They Only. Then it evolved as we all know (Speaking of "it" I may throw that in my pronouns pile as well)

And honestly I'm proud now but it's a bit disheartening to look back at how much I suffered, due to the misinfo and queer/trans content I consumed. My feelings were basically undeniable but I kept lying to myself because I didn't want to be a "TRANNY TRENDER" because the YTbers who were cringe culture transmedicalists said so. Kid me and other people around me did NOT have to go through that and man I'm sorry to everyone who went through that if you questioned your gender identity around like 2016-2018

I kinda always knew I was queer and a flavor of aroace so I engaged with queer content online but as we all know that was the time any queer person was bullied and other queer people kept telling each other what the RIGHT WAY TO BE QUEER was oh are you fat are you afab did you dye your hair YOU TRANSTRENDER TUMBLRINA!! ugh it was so stupid but it harmed so many. Shit sucked back then

I remember I'd be crying during P.E. classes (majorly gendered, girls and boys were seperate) in the bathrooms because I just felt so wrong but I knew I can't be trans because to me at the time the only way to be trans was to be MAN TO WOMAN and WOMAN TO MAN only and I did have some dysphoria especially chest dysphoria hell I still experience that but I didn't have bottom dysphoria or voice dysphoria which people kept saying was NECESSARY and like. In the middle or nonbinary or other wasn't an option because THAT'S WHAT THE LIARS ARE!!

And just. Struggling to understand my feelings because I was so unhappy and I believed I myself was somehow convinced by THOSE TRENDERS to feel this way and that no I can't be this and AAHH. like. I know better now I grew up I'm literally a gendered little freak entity but. I don't know it's just so sad that me or anybody had to feel that way yknow??

So it's sweet to think about the times I did enjoy some Transgenderism without beating myself up over it much. Well, I would go at myself like "HEY WHY DID I LIKE BEING CALLED THAT" but I wouldn't be gripping my head crying over it yelling "WHAT THE FUCK AM I" over it yknow?

Another time was when I was going home from school and some boy behind me called out to me as he possibly mistook me for someone else - in a masculine way in Czech. Despite my long ass hair which is FOR GIRLS ONLAY (seriously anywhere I go I have the longest hair it goes up to my ass I'm very sensitive about cutting it. I both want to but also UGH LONG HAIR SWAG.)

And I turn around like huh? And the boy goes OHH SORRY you're a girl. And I go oh it's okay heehee

And I walk off like HEE HEE HEE HEHEHEE :33 :DDD ✨✨✨✨✨✨waigth why did I like being misgendered as a guy hold up

And just looking back at the wholesome silly moments rather than the ouchies wowchies IS VERY NICE AND FUN and I get to pope fun at young me like YEA sure kid MX. IM NOT TRANSGENDER

[polyamorouspunk]

Hey! To follow up on my last ask (advice): so I’m non-binary, and in the past I’ve IDed as a trans man (on T for 3 years, then stopped). I don’t at all regret my HRT, but my presentation has also shifted from pretty masc to being pretty femme. I know that I’m not actually a “trans imposter” or “transtrender” but there’s this part of my brain that keeps telling me I am (b/c I stopped HRT, present femme now, and have a Weird Gender). I guess what I’m asking is, do you know of any ways to help combat these thoughts? They’re honestly really distressing to have so any advice you could offer would be amazing. I hope you’re having a great day! :)

I don’t know if I have any real concrete tips but like for just trying to change mentality the idea of like “there’s nothing more punk than fucking with people’s perceptions and fucking with gender stereotypes” but like yeah. Honestly I look femme dress femme use she/her pronouns and go about my day as someone who just seems to be a cis wlw unless I have those days where I’m like nope it’s time to be trans today (but not really because I’m still comfortable with my agab) so like it’s 100% A Thing™️ for sure, I never really “felt trans” and quite honestly I don’t know if I ever really “feel trans” except let me tell you today I had to do the 1 thing that makes me dysphoric and let me tell you (again) that I could be having the most femme day ever and as SOON as I have to do that I’m like *blarg* I hate myself I hate my body chop my boobs off we’re running away to live a genderless and secondary sex characteristicless life. Other like really generic not-concrete advice is also just like “labels don’t matter lol you don’t have to ID as trans or if you want to just go for it even if you don’t fit the stereotypical trans image wow you’ve never heard this before I know it’s is revolutionary and you’re never going to have a gender crisis again tada” but like yeah. And like hey maybe some people are into really femme trans guys. Honestly I have one mutual on here who is a trans guy and he literally loves wearing skirts and bows and pink and being super femme and like honestly he is living his best life and I love it for him. I’m also mutuals with a drag queen on here which is like hell yeah live your best girl life you funky little genderfluid dude. I don’t think that part of your brain is just going to rewire itself to not have those insecurities unless you put real effort into it. We all have a little voice in our head and it has to tell us SOMETHING and if yours is telling you that you aren’t trans enough then that’s just what it picked and guess what if tomorrow you wake up and suddenly you feel trans enough it’s just going to pick something else to tell you. You just can’t let it get to you, and I’m saying that as someone who hates being told that because they let EVERYTHING get to them.

[raincitygirl76]

I was born in 1976, finished high school in 1994. I was deeply closeted in high school. Only way to survive. Granted, I am cisgender, but it wasn’t easy to be any flavour of queer back then.

It was even worse for gender nonconforming teens and those who were obviously not heterosexual, because being deeply closeted wasn’t a viable option for them. They usually weren’t officially out, but they got targeted by bullies unmercifully regardless. I look back at a couple of people I knew from drama class and musical theatre, who I lost touch with after high school but am pretty damn sure were trans or non-binary.

But in the early 90s nobody transitioned in my high school. They would’ve gotten hell for it. Us queers and our allies huddled together in drama class and musical theatre because outside of those refuges, we were unacceptable unless we were hiding. And those who couldn’t “pass” for cishet and therefore didn’t have the safety of the closet were extra specially unacceptable.

The fact that more young people are openly transitioning now isn’t because they’re being “transtrender”. It’s because we’ve finally come to a point in society where there’s some level of acceptance that not everyone is cisgender and heterosexual. Not a consistent level, plenty of kids and teens are still going through hell. But there are pockets of acceptance that simply didn’t exist in 1989-1994, my high school years.

We finally have the vocabulary and the widespread knowledge that not everyone is cishet. So of course queer people are coming out younger.

I graduated high school in 99.

There was a student at our school named Wayne.

Wayne was gay. It was obvious. He was unable to stay in the closet even if he wanted to. To make matters worse, he was also Black. From a bullying standpoint, that was not a great combo. Both Black and white students made fun of him relentlessly. He was ostracized from the only community that may have given him protection. Only us theater kids stuck up for him, but not to significant effect.

Wayne was bullied so much that at one point he finally snapped and attacked his bullies with a lunch tray. I was actually seated in perfect line of sight and just sat there chewing my soggy fries in stunned silence. It didn't even seem real as I was witnessing it. The image of him wailing on his main bully as the food on his tray flew off is permanently logged into my long term memory.

The bully he attacked had blood all over his face and went straight to the nurse. Other than superficial cuts, he was not injured.

Before the attack, Wayne went to teachers for help. He went to guidance counselors for help. He went to the principals for help.

He did all of the things you were supposed to do. No one helped him. They wagged a finger at the bullies and warned them to stop.

Wayne's lunch tray melee was the only thing that worked. His bullies stayed far away from him. But a week later Wayne was expelled and the bullies were given no punishment.

So... no.

No one in my school talked about being trans.

Because the only way to survive being openly queer was to bash people with a lunch tray.

[xenineshroom]

I will say now that I want nothing to do with folks who are unwilling to meet me where I'm at- and I don't understand what they want with me when they cannot do that. If I discuss intra-community bullying and don't mention another oppressed group, then it doesn't mean anything about that other group. If I haven't said something, then I have no need to respond to arguments with that thing I didn't say.

Whether it be truscum, r/@df/ems, ace/transmasc/bisexual/nonbinary/multigender exclusionaries or any other reactionary group, I do not need to like someone or agree with them to disagree with their mistreatment. Many feel their liberation must come at the cost of others, and I will keep myself separate from those people. For those people, you don't deserve poor treatment, none of you are my real enemies, and I'm not here to wage war with you. Hence why I often refuse to interact. Hence why it is a rare day that I respond to anyone who contributes to erasure, transphobia or exclusion. I leave it to those people to find one's own way.

I blocked someone recently, because I think my interaction would hurt instead of help. If I could say something about the interaction though, it's that when I speak about the pain that the anti-transtrender movement caused for me, the abuse it lead to, the repeating of patterns in our community today, I am not invalidating transphobia faced by other trans folks. I am not saying it only happened to transmascs or nonbinary folks. I wish for healing, for abusers to face consequences, for our community to connect, no matter our disagreements.

I see now more than ever that discourse is not my first priority. I live in a red state, and in a world that feels it is closing in around me, I care more about people than argument. I will not argue with those who could not take a rebuttal as anything other than an attack on one's personal experience, even when it has nothing to do with them. I don't need to share my way of thought one on one if it will only feel like an attack and cause pain.

Please take care of yourselves. If that means blocking me, then please save yourself the stress.

[penwrythepersonal]

CW // Personal Vent over internalized homophobia and enbyphobia within the LGBTQ+ community

I got heavily triggered last night over absolute bullshit, so strap yourself in because ahhhhhhhhHHHHHHHH-

Have you ever seen harmful discourse over labels and the invisible massive harm that everyone is doing to themselves and towards others because of the said discourse (and resulting callouts and creepy people doing account monitoring on those they deem problematic because of discourse)?

I thought we learned by now that recycling hate was never a good look in this community. But nope, it's okay for some fucking reason!

I refuse to participate in this hate. I'm nonbinary. About half a decade ago, a lot of people hated us because they didn't understand us. People got harassed to hell and back over that, even though there was literally no harm in being nonbinary. I remember that. Does anyone remember that???

It's back but in a different form! New hate! Do you love it? I fucking don't!

Sorry for the vaguing, but I don't want to get involved in the discourse. I am so tired and scared of what's happening in my country. Please don't hurt me.

Community-wide homophobia is awful. I have filtered tags and keywords for the label discourse on all my accounts, but I still see it every day. Do you have any idea what the phrase "[label redacted] people don't exist" sounds like to me?????

"Nonbinary people don't exist" was normal five/ten years ago. That's hate. That's hate to me. I heard that in my own community. Remember that people got harassed over a harmless gender label. There is no harm in being nonbinary. Want to see what it was like? I suggest watching this video: Kalvin Garrah | Dangers of Transtrender bullying

Content warning for the video: suicide attempt mention, harassment, transphobia, homophobia

That wasn't too long ago! And I still see it now. Why are we repeating this hate today over sexuality labels???

Don't dare to bring the discourse here. I want no part of it. Do not fucking hurt me. Do not. Please don't hurt me.

Some of you are twenty-something years old, young adults justifying harassment over minors, and other adults over labels you don't understand. Do you have any idea what you are doing? What you are repeating?

It's terrifying. Imagine one day someone decided that your name can't be used ever again because of problematic discourse long after you passed. But you used that name when you were alive, why it's bad now? Why?

*Explains why it's bad now*

Okay, I get that, but why it's was okay for you to use back then?! It's bad now, don't you know?

A week or two ago, I made a post that we need more LGBTQ elder representation. There's a reason why I made it. Not just that elders represent our future and past, but also that we existed far beyond this current era.

For the people who keep saying "trans/nonbinary is new" we fucking existed long before this current era.

For the people who keep saying "[label redacted] is new" take a long hardass look at that D//kes To Look Out For Comic script by Alison Bechdel that's been going around posts as of late.

Just for the record, I'm not a fan of the [label redacted]. I find it odd and contradictory, I much prefer sapphic or biflux instead. But I'm not going to recycle hate against people who use that label or support it. I refuse to do that. I don't want to be another Kalvin Garrah.

How long did it take to for us nonbinary folk to be accepted after the discourse around us ran dry? Five years? Ten?

How long until the current discourse around [label redacted] runs itself dry? Oh, the water looks a little low now, given how much I keep seeing the muted label on my timeline. Won't be long until my hesitance to accept it will look a little odd to some people. Then to a lot of people. Then to an entire community. Then to an entire generation.

I'll give it five years. Ten at the longest.

I'll be 37, and 42 for the latter. Oh, can't wait for people to look at me like I'm some outdated self-hating gay. People thought [label redacted] was bad back then, really? What were they thinking?

Yeah, what are we thinking now? What are you thinking now?? Will you be the same five/ten years from now?

Ten years ago, I thought I was straight cis woman. I was 22 and I remember praying for the lost souls of gay people because I thought they needed saving. Then I realized I was bisexual after giving a good thought about my sexual attraction (girls and guys are hot, who knew). It took me longer to realize I was also nonbinary, too. Unfortunately, I was one of those people who thought nonbinary people "doesn't exist". But now, I'm here. I am nonbinary (fuck gender)

Did you know there's an anti-bisexual community on this site? There's also an anti-pansexual community here, too. Don't forget the anti-neopronoun people still kicking around!

Odd fuckers they are. What were they thinking?

Why do we keep recycling hate?

[fire-fist-stims-archived2020]

1 day on T/6 months on T

And now I’m officially 1 year on T!! Fucking hell I can’t believe I’ve made it this far

Tommy (he/him)

[notebeans-galaxy]

the thing that rubbed me the wrong way about the original post was that they assumed, based on a social media profile, that they could tell whether or not someone was visibly gnc and then assumed they had no legitimate concerns about their safety. when even just having a short haircut is seen as gender nonconforming in some circles and completely non-gendered in others, i don't think a random person gets to decide what the entire world is going to deem GNC. different areas have different expectations of how people should perform gender; what you see as feminine may not be read as feminine where that person lives.

idk i think we as a society should stop making assumptions about what kind of oppression people face based on their appearance. the original poster very likely would read me as a "white feminine afab nonbinary person who presents as a cis woman", and assume i face no systemic barriers or social stratification because of this but this is very much not true. i am a white afab nonbinary person, but despite strangers in the area i live in reading me as a woman, i do not present as a cis woman and i am not feminine (people assume i'm a trans woman, apparently). and moreover, testosterone is necessity for both trans and chronic illness related reasons for me which means i deal with all the legal nonsense related to that. now idc if some random asshole thinks i'm not actually oppressed for being trans because people assume i'm a woman, i don't need validation from a stranger, but the framing they used sounded eerily similar to the transmedicalist "transtrender" rhetoric. sounded very "you look feminine therefore you definitely aren't interested in medical or legal transition and face no serious consequences because of it"

That reply completely glossed over op's point that if you're GNC and you want to go to a business meant to aid you in your presentation (an explicitly GNC presentation!) you're more than correct in feeling unsafe. The kind of nb people they're referring to are explicitly non-GNC in their presentation. Every time I go to the barber I feel anxious and worried at what their reaction to me, extremely non-passing trans man, will be. The same goes for a non-passing trans woman (augmented, even)

The most the average nb person who isn't going out of their way to present differently from their agab (which is VALID, btw. Like the op said they don't *owe* anyone androgyny) would have to deal with is misgendering, but for the most part I don't think a nail salon is going to ask for your pronouns when you come in and refuse service if you give the "wrong" ones

yeah i think people were getting very fixated on that example and not really understanding what the point of it was. part of it i think is because the op didn't explain it very well, but also this is tumblr dot com where we piss on the poor daily. the point wasn’t “asking for a trans friendly business if you’re not visibly trans is stupid and bad”, it’s “are you afraid someone isn't going to understand that you're nonbinary and will assume you're cis unless you say something? or are you afraid someone will refuse you service or treat you poorly?"

when i was pre t and looking for places to get my haircut, when i kept it longer and more "feminine", i didn't have a problem finding places to go. i just showed up, said i wanted a trim, and that was it. when i decided i wanted to cut it shorter and get a "men's cut", i had a lot of trouble finding someone who would even do it. over and over i would get hairdressers (all women) who would give me pixie cuts instead of men's cuts. i once spent two hours at the salon repeatedly telling the hairdresser "go shorter" because she literally would not just buzz it and insisted we go little by little in case we went "too short." but they still provided me service. it wasn't until i found my current hairdresser, who is a gay man, that i started getting the cuts i actually wanted. and now that t is making my voice drop and most importantly in this context changing my hairline in a noticeable way, it is imperative that i have a barber who is trans friendly. because people can absolutely react badly to discussions about pronouns, but when there is a physical marker of Gender Difference, that's when i noticed people started getting more aggressive. that's when i started to notice "oh this isn't just really uncomfortable and shitty anymore, this person doesn't want to mock me, this person wants to hurt me." both sucked, but one was significantly more terrifying to experience.

an example that is probably more relevant to the topic and what's currently happening in my life is a conversation i had with a friend of mine who is nonbinary, was assigned female at birth, presents feminine, and has no interest in any aspect of medical transition. love that for them! but trying to talk to them about losing my access to hrt is nearly impossible because they simply do not understand the severity of it. they have compared me losing a job because my coworkers found out i was trans, and being unable to do anything about it because my state is an at-will state, to their coworker misgendering them their first day at work when they were not wearing their usual pronoun pin.

does getting misgendered at work suck? yeah. does it suck to have to wear a pin with pronouns on it just to get people to use the correct ones? yeah. is this indicative of a larger societal problem with cis normativity and the gender binary? absolutely. but the sting of being misgendered in the moment and having to correct someone (who from then on used the correct pronouns) is absolutely not the same as losing your health insurance and only source of income and housing all within the span of two months.

the problem isn't that You Must Be This Oppressed To Talk, the problem is that interrupting a conversation about the government legislating your right to exist to center a moment of personal discomfort is an asshole thing to do.