#fanby’s ramblings

[fanby-fckry]

This week on:

Why The Fuck Did I Do This to Myself?

Why did I decide to make Angel and Alastor cook dinner together? I am notoriously bad at writing actions, and the closest thing to cooking I do irl is following whatever directions my fiancé gives me while he does the hard stuff, or making fucking kraft mac and cheese-type boxed meals.

Dialogue is great. Jokes about Hell not having the right ingredients are pretty good. Actually trying to fit the actions in between the dialogue in a way that makes sense and trying to figure out how long is realistic to spend on each step if it’s not specifically detailed in the recipe? I am floundering.

[fagdyke-fckry]

Apparently my entire immediate family was born on either Sundays or Tuesdays. This is a very useless fact, and I’m not sure why I looked it up or why I’m telling you, but here we are.

[yandere-romanticaa]

Speaking of persona, Takuto Maruki is my personal snacc lol. I wonder what you think of his design x3

Going in blindly by Google images he looks like someone I'd see on my college campus. I'd probably have coffee with him and we would have the occasional chat but we remain acquaintances.

[fanby-fckry]

You know what, I gotta say something about the Alastor ship wars.

I’m a multishipper, and I generally think ship wars are silly, but the increase in RadioDust hate combined with RadioApple being posited as the “acceptable” and “wholesome” Alastor ship bugs the fuck out of me.

Because if we look a little closer, I’m pretty sure we can figure out why a relationship between Angel and Alastor is considered “problematic” “unhealthy” or “impossible,” while a relationship between Lucifer and Alastor gets a pass. And the answer is sex.

People cannot be normal about asexuals or sex workers long enough to see them as anything more than their sex lives/lack-thereof, and therefor an asexual and a sex worker are completely incompatible to them.

If you can’t see Angel as anything other than a sex object, then congrats, you’ve missed the entire point of his character. Rewatch Masquerade and Welcome to Heaven, then get back to me.

If you think Alastor isn’t perfectly capable of setting boundaries regarding sex, you’re infantilizing him based on his asexuality. He is not an uwu blushing virgin who needs you to defend his innocence and keep the evil whore from deflowering him. He fucking kills people. Stop white-knighting the fictional serial killer. Asexuals have bodily autonomy just like the rest of you, and this particular ace in the hole is especially capable of maintaining that bodily autonomy.

Alastor’s aromanticism doesn’t factor in here at all, because there are QPR and romantic flavors of both ships, and across the board, RadioDust is treated worse.

It’s ok to not like RadioDust, but when you feel the need to outright attack people over it, then I think it’s time to maybe do a little introspection into why it invokes such a strong reaction. Or at least just block the tag and leave it at that.

Signed,

An aroace RadioApple and RadioDust multishipper who is tired of this nonsense.

[fanby-fckry]

Love that when ao3 is down, tumblr reports it faster than the official ao3 socials can make a statement.

Is it actually down or is my internet just shit? I’d better go check in with the freaks on tumblr dot com.

[fanby-fckry]

Well, now I’m thinking about how my sense of self is just… vastly, thoroughly strange compared to what I’ve been taught a “self” is.

“Just be yourself”

Which one?

Every mask is a face. It’s me, it’s all me, all the way down. And yet at the same time, “me” is a vague, shifting construct that can be toppled with a slight breeze. I am an amalgamation of my trauma and my joy and every healing wound combined into something that almost resembles a person. I am a monument to my sins. I’m not the same person I was when I woke up this morning. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I will be a million different versions of myself before I die, but I’ll never settle on just one.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[fanby-fckry]

Trying to make my own “hear me out” spin the wheel game and I suddenly forget every “hear me out” I’ve ever had.

I know there are more of them than this. There are more. Where are they?

[fanby-fckry]

I like having my avatar as myself with my flag because when people come to spread The Discourse™️, maybe they’ll stop and notice. Hey. That’s the angled aroace flag. OP is aroace-spec.

And if they don’t I can be like…

But then I made these:

And they’re just… They’re so beautiful. I need one to be my icon somewhere.

[fanby-fckry]

Why did nobody tell me that adding “random” spots/stains is very difficult?

I’m changing Raze’s entire wing description so that I can draw the damned things without having them look weird or sacrificing consistency by using a brush and never being able to get it in exactly the same distribution ever again.

[fanby-fckry]

Noooooooo

[fanby-fckry]

I’m done playing. I’m straight up blocking people who post positively about ai art/ai voice acting.

[fanby-fckry]

*infomercial voice*

Do you have an obscure subject you want to reference in a single line of fanfiction, but know nothing about? Are you fed up with trying to research it? Tired of spending hours studying something you have absolutely no interest in beyond this one throwaway line?

Well I might just have the solution for you!

Try using an Unreliable Narrator™️! They don’t know shit about that thing either! They’re just as wrong about it as you are!

In fact, if you’ve done enough research to know that you find the thing incredibly boring and/or confusing, they might even know less about it than you do!

Write now and you can get your own unreliable narrator for just 8 words! That’s right! Just eight words!

But wait! There’s more!

If you open your WIP document right now, we’ll throw in a second Unreliable Narrator™️ for free!

But that’s not all!

If you’re one of the first 10 writers to open your WIP, we’ll also include your choice of the Unreliable Narrator™️ Denial Edition or the Unreliable Narrator™️ Liar Edition!

That’s 3 Unreliable Narrators™️ for the price of 1!

So what are you waiting for? Write now!

[fanby-fckry]

I’m at my fucking limit, but it’s not a rage thing I’m just exhausted.

[fanby-fckry]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my relationship (and lack thereof) to femininity and womanhood. Because it’s complicated.

I was a girl, but I was never really a woman. I’m seen as a woman by nearly everyone I meet. I’m a woman when it’s funny. I’m a woman and a man at the same time, but I’m never a woman as a standalone identity. I’m never a woman without qualifiers.

I wear womanhood, often uncomfortably, when I am too tired to correct people, or when it’s unsafe to do so. And its constant presence is exhausting in a way that manhood isn’t—which is, I believe, the ultimate factor in why I feel more comfortable calling myself a man. My masculinity isn’t worn out the same way my femininity is. It isn’t full of holes and ripped stitches from wearing it every day for 16 years and then having it forced on me for the next 10.

In my spare time, I’m taking my perceived womanhood apart. I’m making an androgynous patchwork with my masculine and feminine and genderless and genderful self. Because it will never be comfortable as whole womanhood. And it will never be comfortable with a complete absence of femininity.

[fanby-fckry]

Every time I try to tag an Alastor ship starting with “radio” tumblr suggests radfem shit as tags and it’s the most annoying thing ever.

I have literally never tagged anything with the word radfem. I used to tag “terf cw” but I eventually decided to switch to transphobia cw. The only time I type the word radfem is when I’m complaining about them.

Why? Why why why why why?

Anyway.

Trans women are women.

Men (both cis and trans) are not inherently evil.

Fuck bio essentialism, fuck gender essentialism. Consider this my rent lowering gunshots post.

[fanby-fckry]

Side note regarding the previous post: Reading the symptoms section of the wikipedia page for dysgraphia felt like falling down several flights of steps.

Poor legibility

Duh.

Excessive erasures Misuse of lines and margins Poor spatial planning on paper

Yeah, that checks out.

Relies heavily on vision to write

Now hang on a minute. What the fuck are the rest of you doing?