#am I afraid to criticise it? of course not!

[utilitycaster]

Finally seeing Bells Hells/c3 biggest fans and supporters after 3 years saying, "Some of you are so afraid to criticise CR that you end making other people feel like shit for voicing their valid criticism. We are allowed to complain about media that we’ve invested so much time on and paying for 😐". Its ironic because JUST last week everything was perfect. Or c3 is perfect but all the other parties, breaks etc. Im like that IS c3. The Villian is fr MN and the party is tied to VM. C3 is all party

going to give the mean and sarcastic answer (not to you, to the people you're talking about) and then the thoughtful one because I think both are important to voice here

mean sarcastic answer is "actually Matt was homeless once so I can't believe you're resorting to leftist infighting and criticizing him like that? You can't criticize anything involving Bells Hells because all of the characters are queer and also Beau is a brown lesbian so it's really racist of you to be upset that she showed up in the charity one-shot and most of the Mighty Nein and Vox Machina have trauma so it's actually really problematic of you to be mad that they're showing up in the wrap-up? smh C3 fans are just mad this isn't The Bells Hells Search For Their Neighbor's Missing Cat In The Alps show."

The serious answer really is that like, yeah, this campaign has been The Moon Plot And Past Parties campaign the entire time. I'm not going to link my entire blog here but my archive is extensive and if you were to cross-reference my opinions over the course of the campaign you could see that I (and my many other allegedly evil Campaign 2 stan pals with which this fandom is crawling, as if we are apparently the invasive species here and not the bears in whose neighborhoods you built a cul de sac and tried to shoo out) started out with high hopes for a third campaign on the heels of two excellent prior ones. Our disappointment is that at every turn we had to lower our bar; forgive me if, after a campaign in which every time anyone else said "wow, fucked up that they yanked away the football, that's disappointing" you harassed and mocked us, no one has any sympathy when the campaign ends at, frankly, a not unsurprising place for it to end. It's openly been called the Avengers Assemble campaign by the cast. Like, actually, almost everyone else had the opinion of "I wish this campaign focused primarily on Bells Hells"/"I wish this campaign were more rooted in Marquet" from, frankly, the second that Vox Machina appeared if not earlier, and that's when a lot of the people currently melting down started watching. I have been here so long that the people sending me anon hate have had full turnover. And yeah, just last week everything was all going to turn out okay, and it's like while it's fair to have had more hope for the campaign around episode 50, if you're in the endgame and nothing's clicking, I think it's okay to say "well, I'll see this through to the end but here are the many failures of this campaign over all".

I think it's extremely valid if, when the people lobbied every insult and accusation they could think of at you when you criticized the campaign or any of its characters before 9:00 AM Pacific Time on Thursday, January 30th, 2025, suddenly find themselves realizing that yeah, this campaign has a track record of jumping around to other parties when Bells Hells should probably have been in focus, and that the character arcs were mostly cut short in favor of the singular moon plot and it's virtually impossible to end in a way that is entirely satisfying, though the world state will probably be intriguing and the characters will probably get some blandly happy endings in between cuts to Vox Machina and the Mighty Nein; one's reaction isn't "oh, you poor thing" but rather "We told you so." The party may have fucked around and never really found out. I will have to take my satisfaction that (as multiple mutuals who have seen this all unfold pointed out) the people who have used their fandom of this campaign to throw rocks at anyone they didn't like and feel morally righteous in doing so are reaping what they sowed. I have no control over the outcome of the end of this campaign but I can certainly control whether I have any sympathy for those who are reeling from a revelation most of us figured out months ago, and they've been so consistently awful to everyone else at every turn that I cannot say I do.

I think it's valid to criticize Critical Role. I've been doing so all campaign. I was against toxic positivity in the fandom during Campaign 2, and while I'm not entirely proud of everything I've done and said this campaign, at least I feel secure in never demanding anything from others I did not practice myself. If the fandom is better during a hypothetical Campaign 4 I think it will be in part because hopefully a C4 party won't be as much of an attraction for that kind of dish-it-out-and-never-take-it loser Bells Hells appealed to; and because hopefully those same losers will have either left, or learned a bitter lesson for whom they have only themselves to blame.

[hamilando]

ੈ✩‧₊ One Step ੈ✩‧₊

Pairing : Seunghan x Gn! Reader

Genre : Idol au, Angst

Song : Happier than ever ( rock version) by Billie Eilish

TW: Depression, cyber bullying, idol life , suide

A/N : This is a very sensitive fic, I wrote this because all that's happening with Seunghan is absolutely not fair, not only him but other idols also suffer. We need to realise they are also human and it's their first time living too.

･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･

The car horns were blaring, the wind forcing the boy to keep his eyes open. Standing on top of the roof edge, his eyes blurred, with tears or with regret, he could not tell. He may have made mistakes in the past, but he wondered how much he could take before he could give up.

His ideal dream of debuting in an idol group, discovering the wonders of the world while touring and singing his lungs out had been reduced to an hope which was being extinguished by some jealous friends of his on the Internet. Seunghan debuted as a member of RIIZE, a group under the biggest entertainment in South Korea, fame finding them before they could even step out of the basement.

It scared him, how he was not afraid to die, rather afraid of being wrong in front of some users on the internet.

The life he sacrificed everything for, snatched away because he had a few moments of joy, but now he was fighting for the courage to live than kill himself. He felt broken, like that last piece in a puzzle that was not fitting. He was only human, 'it was your fault' ringing inside his head. He brought disgrace to his group, he brought disgrace to his family, all would be gone if he took a step. One step to his freedom, one step to his new life, one step to happiness.

"Does it ever stop hurting?"

Seunghan turned around and saw a person's shadow, but the tears flowing made it difficult to make out who it was.

"Of course it does, once the blood seeps out." His voice quavered.

"Go ahead and leave then, everyone does."

"They hated me in life, maybe they could love in death."

"It's worth giving a try to relive."

"Reliving where I don't have to starve myself to sing, carve my name in trophies to redeem myself."

"You failed in living, what makes you think you will succeed in dying."

"I kept running behind success, let this fall make it run after me."

Seunghan could feel a smile creep on his face, the feel of ending it all making the adrenaline rush in his body, the same adrenaline feeling he got before his first ever debut stage. Oh, but look at irony, a smile starting the movie, an even bigger smile to finish the movie. A movie well criticised by those who could never feel the making of it.

"If all you had to do was run, you should have joined a marathon team."

"At least there I would run towards my goal and not away from it."

The person took a few steps forward, hands in pocket due to the cold wind blowing, Seunghan just staring at the person in front of him.

"Is this you speaking or the adrenaline in you speaking because you are standing on the edge?"

Seunghan scoffed at the question, he was considering taking his life right here and this person was taking it as a joke,

"Of course it's me, I won't be standing here because of a dare."

"Well, then I dare you, come down the edge and say you want to jump off, look me in the eyes and say you want to jump off."

"I can say all that from right here."

"I know you can, but just come down once."

"Once you reach the top, it's difficult to come down"

"Then don't look down, look at me, I am here for you."

"I am glad, but it's a little late to be here for me."

Talking made it all the tougher for Seunghan to clear his mind. With a last glance at the person in front of him, he turned facing the city lights and said with confidence,

"Why would I come down when right now I feel the happiest man on top of the world?"

With that he took the step, deaf to the screams of the person behind him, deaf to the car horns blaring, deaf to the screams of his fans on debut, deaf to affections of his parents, deaf to the laughter of his members,

deaf to the little voice in his brain saying "one more chance was all that was needed."

[sirianasims]

It was Saturday night. We had ordered room service, watched an old cult classic in bed. Paul hadn’t felt like going out. A reporter had cornered him in the airport yesterday and questioned him about his frequent visits to San Myshuno, asked if he was seeing someone.

He’d denied it.

Despite the fame, Paul was an intensely private person, always guarding his personal space against a world that kept demanding more. I respected that, even though I was more used to the opposite. My personal life was part of my online brand, but I’d followed his lead and kept our relationship secret.

Paul’s arms were wrapped around me, his chest firm and reassuring against my back. The rhythmic cadence of his breathing was like a soft lullaby, but I was nowhere close to falling asleep.

“Julia? Is something wrong? Are you still thinking about the reporter?”

“It’s just… all this secrecy.”

“You don’t think I denied seeing anyone because I’m ashamed of you, do you?”

I took a deep breath.

“Seventeen years, Paul. It’s not just the number, it’s the experience. I’m proud of what I do, I really am, but compared to you, drawing and sewing in front of a tiny camera by myself seems… trivial. You have this glamorous life, you know all these famous people, you’ve traveled the world. I haven’t done anything. Sometimes I’m afraid that I might not be, well, sophisticated or interesting enough for you. That I might never be someone you’d want to show off in public.”

“Listen to me, Julia. You are more than enough for anyone. Definitely for me. But if people find out about us, I’m not worried about myself. An older actor dating a younger woman? That’s not a scandal, that’s a cliché. But you… I really don’t want you facing the kind of judgment this would get you.”

“Wait, you’re saying you’re concerned about my reputation?”

“In a way. I don’t care what people say about me any more. I’ve been in this industry long enough to develop a thick skin. But you deserve so much better. And while it isn’t fair, the world is much more likely to judge you, and that’s the last thing I want.”

I cupped his face in my hands.

“Paul, I don’t care. What could they possibly say?”

He looked away, a hint of bitterness in his voice.

“Oh, you have no idea. They’ll say that you callously seduced me to further your own career or that you’re too dumb to be anything more than arm candy. Probably somehow both. They’ll accuse you of being a gold-digger. Men will hate you because they can’t have you, women will hate you because they can’t be you. People will be cruel and unforgiving and pick apart everything you are. They will criticise your work, your looks, the way you walk and talk. And it never ends. The peak of my fame was almost a decade ago, but they’re still following me into airports and asking about my love life.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. Paul looked at me earnestly.

“Julia, I believe in you. Your work is great, especially your own designs, and I’ve seen a lot of costumes. I want you to be famous for being incredibly talented, not just for being Paul Romeo’s girlfriend.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, so I am your girlfriend, then?”

He laughed.

“That’s your takeaway from this conversation? Of course you are, what do you think we’ve been doing for the last few months?”

“Well, what do I know, I’m just the dumb arm candy of Paul Romeo. I should probably be pestering you to buy me a sports car made of diamonds or a platinum ladder so I can social-climb in style.”

Paul chuckled.

“That sounds impractical. And you’re definitely not dumb, but you’re pretty terrible at being a gold-digger. All joking aside, I don’t like keeping you a secret either, but I know the dark side of fame, how toxic it can be. It can really poison a relationship. I’ve seen it happen to friends and colleagues over and over again, and I just want to protect you from that. Protect us.”

I respected Paul for his noble intentions, for looking out for me. Still, a part of me, that stubborn – and probably naive – part, wanted to stand tall and shout it from the rooftops, consequences be damned.

But I also knew that he was right.

Those consequences would hurt me way more than they would hurt him.

beginning / previous / next

[poopscooplala]

(psa this is mostly referring to the movies)

ive seen a few posts that have bothered me. i searched "remadora bad" on google to see what people were saying and it came up eith tumblrs and reddits etc and they were all really weird.

i recently got into the marauders fandom after reading atyd and being a fan of harry potter since i was a child, this fandom made me really happy because of the escapism it provided. many of us have loved hp and then realised its problematic aspects and seen jkr being the worst and no longer can escape with hp.. and marauders fandom is a much more inclusive and feels safe space. i do ship wolfstar and i want to get this straight because one post mentioned wolfstar shippers and it was definitely a weird take.

the post was about how women who ship two men together hate women because if theres a woman in the picture its always a crime against her i guess? they also touched on fetishisation of gay men in a way that seemed to be encapsulating all of these people into that message.

1. not everyone who ships two men hates women. i mean this is absurd 😭 it seemed much more like this poster was more anti fanon, which is odd. anyone who defends jkr instantly puts me off, i understand if someone is confused by not following canon when talking abt media.. but it shouldnt go so far as to licking jkrs ass saying "shes the author she knows best🤓🤓" we know shes the author, thats half the problem. anyway, i understand this point but it didnt work in the context they were using it for (remadora/wolfstar). the marauders fandom has been criticised for misogyny, but the generalisation of shippers all having that belief is just untrue.

2. fetishisation of gay men is most definitely prevelant in shipping spaces but it goes eithout saying that an entire community of people wont all have the same views and opinions. from personal experience, i have always been wary of fetishising gay men and recently realised that my special interests being shipping different gay relationships has been involved in my gender identity. im not really sure of anything yet but i am exploring being actually a man or gener fluid or non binary.. as i said i dont know yet but i have realised that i have always put myself in these ships, wanting to be one of the men in them (of course this hasnt been the sole reason im questioning my gender). generally, i think shipping is very fun and just a great way of exploring romance in your favourite medias that represent you - which is what many people in the marauders fandom express. i do understand this concern though - fetishisation is a real thing and these ships shouldnt be objectified to be apart of that. i just dont think we should automstically assume every shipper is fetishising gay ppl.

nothing ive talked abt has rlly been abt marauders so far but i just wanted to set up some context and rant abt that post tbh.

as ive grown, ive realised how forced remadora was in the movies. i always felt like it came out of nowhere but i was a kid and i didnt care enough to think abt it like i just wanted to see harry running through the grass and shit. anyway, ive watched a few viedos abt the marauders fandom and about jk rowlings problematic writing and i have a few points to make about remadora and tonks' and remus' characters respectively.

in ootp, tonks is introduced as a fun, independent, and rebellious person. they arent afraid to speak out abt their name to someone more experienced in the field (mad-eye) and they have bright purple hair so obviously they r cool and awesome. they are a metamorphagus(?) meaning they can change some parts of how they look. i, and many others, see this as a symbol of trans teens. correcting the feminine "nymphadora" to a more unisex "tonks", the fact they can literally change how they look (perhaps showing their desire to change themselves ehich many trans people relate to), and their overrall childlike attitude. i think rowling makes tonks young and fun to show immaturity, therefore the transcoded character is sort of displayed as an immature teen that doesnt know any better (insert jkrs transphobic tweets here).

THEN in hbp the newly called "dora" is married. not only is tonks feminised by heteronormativity (a big aspect of stereotypical femininity is marriage) but their general appearance and attitude has changed. her hair is now like a light brown, and this natural colour i feel may allude to the natural order of womanhood is to maybe go through a rebellious gender non conformity teenhood, but eventually we all "mature" into our "natural" womanhood.. may be a reach buut?? anyway, their dialogue in this movie is very small - i assume its different in the book, but i feel like either way their dialogue would be similarly all focusing on remus (way to fail the bechdel test) which ironically is more represantative of jkr hating woman soo the ship they r saying is the anti "gay shippers who hate women" is one of the many symbols of misogyny in jkrs books.. i mean idk if i need to say this but a woman isnt defined by being married/with a man and i feel like jkr is trying to present it that way.

jkr seems to have unintentionally presented her transphobic views in the character of tonks. many people related to tonks because of their gender fluidity and hbp disappointed many with this character development.

now, the age gap between remus and tonks is 13 years which is gross. especially when you think about the more childish representation of tonks in ootp, like theyve been matured in hbp for the purpose of making the relationship less weird? idk but this is a point that really irks me because many ppl ignore this and always conclude that ppl who dont like remadora are just wolfstar shippers and also hate tonks because they r a woman. even if i hated wolfstar id still hate remadora because of this gross age gap😭😭

another post was from like 10 yrs ago so, perhaps the opinions are just outdated considering jkrs problematic behaviour has become more of general knowledge in recent years but they basically were the common "he not gay jkr mad ehim be with woman he cant be gay 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓" .. jkr has made lots of promises she couldnt keep.. like the whole can of worms that is the time turners (no cedric diggory would not become a death eater please go back to bed omg) so it really isnt unheard of that she could make a gay character and then just.. ruin it?

she definitely didnt intentionally make anyone gay, because she ahtes gay ppl, but remus and sirius are very commonly interpreted to be queer coded. loads of ppl mention this, but even david thewlis (remus lupin actor) read the characters as lovers. many people saw them as lovers so thought remus was gay, then saw him marry tonks and felt confused. of course he could just be bi but jkr wasnt writing that i dont think lolz EVEN if that was the case, remus is meant to be a good character so why is he getting with tonks who is so much younger than him, to me it makes no sense. which is why many people think remadora doesnt make sense, why many marauders fans, including myself, dont see remadora as what would happen. like im not saying that sirius would be a live and blah blah because im referring to a still canon compliant story, it just would not include remadora and its weird energy.

also, jkr said once that lycanthropy was a symbol for rhe aids crisis (thats not a gay allusion at all 🤗). and hootsyoutube makes a great point about how this is problematic. remus lupin is not the only werewolf in the series, greyback is another one that is apart of the wizard nazis and was the one who bit little 5 yr old baby remus lupin. so.. this is very predatory behaviour, i mean he sliterally biting people (like a lion eating a gazelle or sumn idk r u getting what im putting down 😭😭). now, what is a harmful and highly perpetuated stereotype against gay people.. you got it - predatory behaviour. jkr connects the aids crisis to werewolves who are (except remus) presented as predators who prey on little children 😝😝 amazing!!! SO jkr does allude to gay/bi remus buuut its also in a very evil very malevolent light because shes a witch cackling in the night

i hate canon dick riders because not only is the canon problemstic and jkr is evil BUT its literally a made up story... why do you care abt whats canon and ehats not? some may not get it but i love the feeling of being in the marauders fandom, where everything is just made up by us like its so whimsy so fun.

another post that rlly grinded my gears was saying "yall will complain abt remadora age gap but then ship snarry and snermione" which if ur referring to only ppl who ship this then yes you ate down very demure very mindful.. but it wasnt. why ar eppl generalising so hard like i know for a fact I do not ship that... thats pedofilia guys!! and i know most in marauders fandom dont either because most marauders fans i see rnt disgusting monster people? but they also used this to undermine the age gap in remadora, like no they r both bad both weird and the fact that one is by the author of hp is very telling

okay thats the end of my rant uhhh 🥸

[beardedmrbean]

Chancellor Olaf Scholz says he's "ashamed and outraged" at recent antisemitic attacks in Germany.

He was speaking at an event to mark the anniversary of the November pogroms of 1938, sometimes known as "Kristallnacht."

Berlin's staunch diplomatic support for Israel is often described as a matter of historic responsibility.

But, as fighting continues between Israel and Hamas, social discord is emerging in Germany.

I meet a woman called Noa at a Berlin synagogue where she tells me how she has family who survived the Holocaust by hiding in Poland.

Some Jewish people in today's Germany, she says, are now hiding their identity.

"It's scary. Why should I live and be afraid of who I am?"

Aaron doesn't feel comfortable showing items traditionally worn by Jewish men in public, either his kippah or his tzitzit, the tassels of his prayer shawl.

Having fled the war in Ukraine, he believes Berlin is unsafe because "a lot of people support terrorist organisations".

Fears about a rise in antisemitism, since the outbreak of hostilities between Hamas and Israel, are widespread across Europe.

For Germany, incidents such as two petrol bombs being thrown towards a Berlin synagogue in October spark acute anxiety due to the nation's Nazi past.

Cases of antisemitism were, according to preliminary police figures, already on the rise this year before the Hamas attacks - the majority committed by the far right.

Since 7 October, senior politicians have urged people, particularly from parts of the political left and Muslim backgrounds, to distance themselves from the actions of Hamas.

Israel's security is a fundamental cornerstone of German foreign policy with the former chancellor, Angela Merkel, declaring it to be a Staatsräson - reason of state - in 2008.

On a recent visit to Israel, Olaf Scholz said: "In such difficult times there is only one place we can be: at Israel's side."

But Germany's state doctrine is being visibly challenged on the streets of cities like Berlin.

"Your staatsräson sucks!" read one placard at a recent pro-Palestinian demonstration.

This march was permitted to take place whereas many have been banned.

Nadim Jarrar, who attended the 9,000-strong demo, tells me he's frustrated by the "one-sided" narrative.

Half-German, half-Palestinian - he thinks Germany must be more prepared to talk about the actions of Israel.

"It's a healthy process for every nation to get criticised and to have a discussion about what's going on."

Any German discomfort with that debate, he believes, cannot lead to shutting it down.

Sami, who has family in the West Bank and lives in Stuttgart, says people must be able "to show we are in pain about what's happening in Gaza".

"What's been done to the Palestinians since 1948... We've all seen the videos of what they're doing to our children."

In a widely viewed video message, Germany's vice-chancellor, Robert Habeck, said that criticism of Israel is "of course allowed" but its right to exist must not be "relativised".

"Israel's security is our obligation," he said.

Some demonstrations have led to violent clashes between police and protesters.

The authorities are investigating reports that black and white banners, which are used by jihadist groups and feature the Islamic statement of faith, were flown at a march in the city of Essen.

There was outrage when one group, subsequently disbanded by government, appeared to be celebrating the Hamas atrocities of 7 October on the streets of Berlin.

Felix Klein, the government's Commissioner for Jewish life in Germany, says it has become apparent that there is a big problem in Germany's integration policy.

"It is problematic when it turns into antisemitic and anti-Israel hate where people shout 'From the river to the sea, Palestine shall be free' - which would deny Israel's right to exist."

However, there has been criticism that the messages coming from the government have veered towards stoking anti-Muslim sentiment.

Debate about the German government's foreign and domestic positioning is likely to persist for as long as the conflict between Israel and Hamas lasts.

"Every time there's a war in Israel," says Noa, "it just hits us again and again that we are not a full part of the society".

"We will always be different. We will always be the ones that are not fully German."

There is real anguish in Germany, rooted in its past, that Jewish people don't feel safe. But there is also an anger, bubbling in some communities, about a perceived reluctance by the political classes to break a German taboo and criticise Israel.

[aeoki]

SS Finals - Epilogue 5

Location: SS Stage (Eden) Characters: Hiyori, Jun, Nagisa & Ibara

Hiyori: Hehe. Besides, you couldn’t forgive yourself after going astray and tried to shoulder all of the responsibility yourself, right, Nagisa-kun?

You chose to fight outside of the law and made it so that you’d face a “divine punishment” that’s fitting for your sins.

Jun: What do you mean?

Hiyori: Everyone probably thought it was quite strange, but remember what was written in the “oracles”.

Those existed to ultimately point all the fingers at Nagisa-kun.

The “White Team” would be defeated after losing round after round. Who’s responsible for that? Why, that would be us, who handed the “oracles” out and forced the others to comply in accordance with them.

Nagisa: …Not us. Just me. I had intended on taking responsibility for it all from the beginning.

…That’s why I issued the “oracles” in my own name and not in “Eden’s”.

…I lost my mind and did that all on my own. And it placed everyone in a tough spot because of that.

…That was my plan.

…I am the one responsible for the “White Team’s” defeat and everyone will blame me for it. They’ll criticise, curse and throw rocks at me.

…It’s a fitting punishment for someone like me who went astray. I’m certain my incompetence would have been exposed to the world, so I wouldn’t be able to continue being an idol anymore.

Hiyori: If that’s what you think, then why did you hand the “oracles” to me that one time?

Jun: Yeah. The “oracles” ultimately ended up being something that was created in both of your names.

Ohii-san added a lot of stuff to those “oracles” and even signed it off himself.

Hiyori: Of course I would! We’ve lived this long together, so naturally, we’ll die together as well!

Nagisa: …If I said it was a momentary lapse of judgement, would you be angry with me?

…I, too, was afraid of being alone. I didn’t want to return to oblivion once more.

…I was foolish and weak and dragged you into it. I fell further and further, suffering the consequences of my own actions, while clinging onto you, who is so kind-hearted.

…But I snapped back to my senses afterwards and realised that I was simply relying on you.

…That’s why I asked Sakuma-kun to distribute the “oracles”.

…He’s very perceptive, so I had a feeling that he would understand even if I didn’t ask him to.

…The “oracles” is something I issued on my own accord and it has nothing to do with Hiyori-kun.

…That’s what I asked him to stress when I gave them to him.

…Everyone will believe it if it’s Sakuma-kun’s words.

…He is held in high regard, unlike me.

Ibara: I think you just don’t actually know your own worth. Besides, you’d also be looking down on His Highness, who is prepared to go to hell with you.

His decision is certainly not worth praising, but it would be extremely inhuman of you to trample over that.

Jun: Yeah. Ohii-san may be old-fashioned to think that you two are in the same boat, but it’s cruel to pretend his determination “never even existed”.

Nagisa: …Yeah. That would probably be the biggest sin I committed this time.

…I’m always relying on Hiyori-kun – It’s pathetic.

…The “oracles” became even more perfect after Hiyori-kun revised them.

…It made it so that I was the one responsible, so each person could act comfortably. The hidden message and the contents turned into something coherent and comprehensible.

Hiyori: Those intentions weren’t clear in the draft you wrote after all, Nagisa-kun.

They’d probably be confused and suspicious… Which might have the opposite effect and cause everyone to suspect everything and no one would follow the “oracles”.

That’s why I decided to revise them.

It seems Sakuma-kun agreed to Nagisa-kun’s request and told everyone to ignore the parts I had added, though.

I chose not to erase his parts. So everyone who read my perfect writing would be able to understand our intentions perfectly.

Nagisa: …Right. Thank you. My plan worked and I was able to defeat my detested “enemy”, thanks to your help.

Hiyori: It’s wrong to think you could have won all by yourself in the first place, you know! Why do you think units and teams exist?

They exist in order to help overcome walls you can’t climb over by yourself, right?

I never liked Eichi-kun’s method of doing things, but it doesn’t mean the results he produces are worthless!

The power that allows us idols to move forward definitely exists there.

Nagisa: …Yeah. This is everyone’s victory. We were able to secure our future at the end of the tightrope.

…In reality, I had come up with several plans, but thanks to everyone, I think we were able to reach the most appropriate ending.

…”Priest’s” goal was to obtain the splendour of days past. Everything he did was for his own interests and to acquire glory.

…At the same time, taking the place of Subaru-kun’s father, who he detested, envied and admired more than anyone else, was essential.

…That was what I was able to surmise. But I cannot lure him out with such superficial bait.

…He is a mysterious man akin to an apparition that was never exterminated. No one would have so much trouble if he could be defeated so easily.

…So I laid out the table and made sure I was thorough in my preparations.

…I was able to predict several patterns where he would appear. First, he would use the position of the “Support Idol” to replace Touri-kun who had collapsed.

…But I wanted to avoid this if possible. “Priest” is “Lucifer”, the “Support Idol” for us – the “White Team”. It seems he used his own power to obtain that position.

…But Touri-kun is part of the “Red Team”. “Lucifer” doesn’t have the right to appear in Touri-kun’s place.

…So in that case, it was possible that in the worst-case scenario, he would kill Seiya Hidaka-sensei, the “Support Idol” for the “Red Team”, in order to replace him.

…”Priest” can transform into anyone. He tried to stand at the top of the industry to obtain glory, so transforming into Seiya Hidaka-sensei would have been appropriate.

…Of course, transforming into Subaru-kun’s father would be the best option, though.

…Seiya Hidaka-sensei is the last super idol that’s active and his position is more than attractive.

…Kill him, take his place and gain fame.

…He could have also chosen to make a public appearance as Subaru-kun’s father – the thing Sensei was always trying to safeguard – whenever he liked.

Jun: Ohh~... Come to think of it, Hidaka-sensei did mention that he might be assassinated or something like that. I thought he was just joking.

Nagisa: …Sensei is very good with his calculations, so maybe that’s how he reached that conclusion. He is unfathomable.

…One could even say he almost has the ability to predict the future. I’ve heard he can read the future by analysing the components of this world and calculating those movements.

…That’s a miracle impossible for humans. But Sensei can do something very similar to that.

…He is the last active super idol. Just as I had thought, he is the one closest to God in this current era.

Jun: Haha. In the opposite sense, it seems Hokuto Hidaka-san also has quite a troublesome father.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[watasemasaru]

I just need to clarify, because I realised rereading it how that sounded, I wasn't threatening you with the angry weevils.

I was stating that I, personally, am afraid to criticise the pitt/er (despite wanting to) lest I be torn apart by the angry weevils.

They are coming for me. I hear them (the angry weevils) marching towards my door at night.

no i gotcha, ur fine...except the weevils of course, they're still after us ヾ⁠(⁠*⁠’⁠Ｏ⁠’⁠*⁠)⁠/

[klysanderelias]

So I finally got around to playing slay the princess, hater alert:

It's kind of what I was afraid it would be? Which is to say, as a piece of media with Jonny Sims in it, I kind of had a certain amount of Expectations going in, which more or less were correct, and I knew it was going to be along similar lines to The Stanley Parable, which...

Not to be a dick, but I feel like there's a certain genre or style of game, like The Stanley Parable, which wants really badly to be a metacommentary, or to Say Something, in a way that really feels uncomfortable to me.

And part of that is that it's usually bound up in like, this presentation like they're the first ones to really Think About This and how they're not just making a game, but they're Making A Statement About Video Games. And maybe that's just how I feel, and not reflective at all about their intention or execution, but I always come away with this real resentment because it's so... on the face. It's so in your face. It's something that is trying SO HARD and it stops being a fun experience because it wants to be an Experience, like an indie movie that's trying to be a critical darling that's talked about in film classes for the next few decades, but in doing so is making a movie that actually kind of sucks to watch.

And in this case it's the problem of like, the game is trying so hard with the cosmic horror, and the questions of agency and destination and all that shit, that it's not fun to play through each chapter. And part of that is that it's not the sort of game I wanted - I was really hoping for something more along the lines of like, a traditional VN! Making a game like this (similarly to the Stanley Parable) where there are a lot of different routes and a ton of reactivity, basically ensures that there can't be a lot of actual content per route. You can do a route in StP in like, five minutes. I did three in 30 minutes. It's just...

I don't want to sound like I'm criticising the developers (although I am) because I understand that a) making games is hard and b) making games is expensive and the initial vision always has to give way to budget concerns, and of course c) their vision for the game might not and should not align with mine, and I can't really in good faith go 'this game sucks because it's made to someone else's tastes'-

but there is a certain point of like... slay the princess feels like the sort of game that doesn't leave the player anything to really chew over. The ideas and themes of the game are straight up dropped the table for you to turn over, and very quickly it wore out its welcome.

I dunno, my take away is 'it's not for me' but I can't help but feel like the game is trying too hard. I found myself very quickly put off by the way the game was presenting things, by the way the choices resolved, by the options I was given. It felt like they weren't confident that you'd actually keep playing, so they wanted to make sure that you KNEW it was playing with agency and whatnot from the gecko, that you KNEW it was being meta, and it just felt grating. That was my same criticism of The Stanley Parable - that it felt like I was being condescended to, that the people who wrote the game were more interested in getting their flowers for how smart they were.

And specifically it's the feeling of like, oh great, this isn't a game, it's an Experience, in the same way that going to an avant-garde high-class restaurant isn't dinner, it's a bunch of foam in mouth-shaped cups or whatever.

The thing for me is like, I have spent the last fifteen something years occasionally thinking about Song of Saya. I will probably still be thinking about Song of Saya occasionally when I'm like 50. I don't think I'm going to think about anything presented in StP a year from now. I don't think there's much TO think about.

And again, maybe I'm just a hater, I'm in a Place right now so I kind of knew it wouldn't be the best time for me to play this, but it's been in my steam library for I don't know, like a year? And I think no matter what, I was always going to be disappointed by this, because I've read a bunch of these stories before. This isn't my first rodeo with this stuff, and quite frankly I'm getting sick of rodeos. I can appreciate the technical skill, and I'm sure it's a great place to start if you've never been to a rodeo, but it's just not that interesting to me.

And also quite frankly, I've gotten into this grumpy old mindset of like, stop putting all your development time and budget into making tons of choices. I get it, it's a commentary on agency, whatever, but when you have to program and record all those lines, and of course your writing has to account for all the different options, you end up with a huge expenditure on something that really doesn't add that much to the game. You're making a VN, not a podcast, and having every single fucking line be voiced means that you can't have the traditional VN length without a AAA budget.

At the end of the day, again, it's just 'not the game I wanted', and I can't really muster a lot of criticism past that, except that I feel like the creators thought I was too stupid to understand what they were going for, so they decided to make it so clear and unambiguous that the story stops being interesting.

[cruorcrave]

25 December 2024

(TL;DR at the end.)

It's Christmas Day! And oh boy it was... pretty okay.

In the morning, no one else was awake and so I had to look after my little cousin. He's great, but I had just woken up and because of my misophonia and his messy eating, I didn't have any breakfast except a cup of tea which I couldn't force myself to finish. I was exhausted after about 30 minutes and ended up looking after him solo for nearly 2 hours. Eventually, though, my mother swooped in and said she'd tell him I was busy eating my breakfast and not to disturb me. Thankful she did that. I didn't end up having breakfast either way unfortunately.

Eventually we got to presents and food and that was pretty fun even if it was loud and messy. When I came to collect my lunch, my mother saw my headphones and said to me, "You can eat in your room, that's okay. No one will think you're being rude, you're alright." which made me feel so understood. She's made fun of me before for my misophonia and eating problems so I was really happy to hear her say that.

For very good news: I got some really cool presents, including posters of Slipknot and MCR which I immediately put up of course, a physical bamboo sudoku set, Dr Pepper cans, cool clothes, sweets, cooking books, money, etc. AND I GOT A NEW CD PLAYER (old one broke) AND HYBRID THEORY ON CD. OMG. IT WAS SICK.

Unfortunately though the rest of the day was just okay. Some of my aunts got into a bit of an... not really an argument but a very heated debate about religion, that started because I was talking about my faith. (They weren't dissing me or my Irish/Celtic Pagan practices, most of the family just despises all forms of Christianity with very little leniency. I once talked to a Jehovah's Witness and school and my mother told me to "stay away from her, don't mess with that lot". I was 12... so.) It was really uncomfortable and the topic wasn't on me anymore so I just left to my room. One of my aunts came in after a while and asked me to finish my story about paganism, and I did, which was nice of her. She probably noticed me awkwardly sneak away. Sometimes I feel kind of afraid to express my faith around my family because of their hatred of religion. I understand them, of course - there is a lot to criticise about organised religion and some churches are just straightup evil/cults - but my family rarely actually have two-sided conversations about it. They always just argue their point louder and louder, saying it's all terrible, completely discounting what it can do for people. I could honestly go as far as to say that my faith in Dagda, Danu, Brigid and other deities like Macha, Morrigan and Lugh, has saved my life. At multiple points where I have been having daily panic attacks, hyperventilating on my floor and bloodied and bruised, I've clung to my triquetra (celtic knot) and told myself that I am meant to be here because I am part of this ecosystem. I'm not some magical creature or a perfect chosen one or a being created in the image of the ethereal, I am just a human. I am an animal that is lucky enough to be sentient and have hands that create and a mind that thinks, because of evolution and the continued balance of our beautiful world. I love the earth, and I am a part of it, and I deserve to be here. I feel like I can go to my gods about anything, and I'm comforted by my belief in them. I don't feel guilty, or ashamed, or like I have to live up to some grand purpose to "earn happiness" or "eternal freedom". I feel okay with just... being alive. I feel glad to be alive, and I want to thank my gods for that, and so I give offerings and I pray and I get advice from them. It helps me a lot but it's hard to really discuss it with my family much - even though they're not openly rude or against it.

Anyway, religious rant aside, I'm doing okay. Not good, but... okay. I'm 5 days clean now and it's getting really hard to keep it that way but I'm trying. I'm meant to be here. Maybe not for some greater reason and definitely not because I'm a perfect being, but instead because I am part of an intricate web of creatures. If I weren't here, the world would be different: even if just in my family, or my town, or my state. That's enough for me. Even if I want to be more than I am, I know I don't have to be, and if I never am, I can still do more in the next life and I won't be punished for not achieving something overly spectacular.

Today I'm happy that I got to see so much family and have so much great food, and I'm thankful for all the amazing and thoughtful presents I recieved.

Song of the Day: Never Too Late - Three Days Grace

TL;DR

Today was okay! Some good some bad. Took care of my little cousin which was fun but overstimulating and I had to miss breakfast. Mother accommodated my eating issues/misophonia which was really sweet. Got some cool ass presents. Religious debate got me down in the dumps - my faith really helps me and it bums me out that I don't think my family, at least not a lot of it, would really understand that. I'M 5 DAYS CLEAN!! I'm trying really hard not to relapse; it's easier because I can't easily do anything with so much family around but also harder because I think the fall might be bad after this. I don't know what I want to happen to be entirely honest.

Clean since 20 December 2024

[yihrae]

I had a conversation with my friends last night. There were approximately 8 of us seated in a circle and we were playing a sort of conversation game. The rules of the game were that we would spin a wheel to select who would answer the question, and anyone from the group could propose a question. Once two questions were proposed, the individual chosen to answer would choose one of the two questions and answer it.

When it was my turn to answer, Professor Giovanni (who was also in the circle) proposed a question, asking me "What is your proudest achievement to date?" Victoria asked the second question "What would you do if you got $1 million dollars. Like, be completely honest... I mean unless you would really donate $1 million to charity"

I went on a long ramble! As follows:

"Well Vic! If I had a million dollars I'd probably invest it... but anyway I wanna answer prof's question because it's quite interesting. I have two things I'm the most proud of, one is tangible and one is not so much. One of them is the fact that I taught myself how to play the piano. Sometimes when I look at my own fingers moving it feels so surreal because it's difficult to believe they can do what they can do. But the less tangible one, and the one I'd really say is my proudest achievement, is who I am today. I'm very proud of who I am because I believe I've worked very hard to get to who I am today. While I don't think I am the best person, I'm definitely not a terrible person... probably a decent one! Like... I don't have anger issues, I'm quite accepting and I try my best to be friendly."

Then someone asked me "So you said you had to work hard to become who you are today? So how did you like... work hard?"

I answered:

"It's a constant cycle of feedback. Usually, when someone dislikes me I want to find out why, and if I believe the reason to be valid then I will change the person I am. So it's a long, long process of lots of altering-my-own-behaviour, and just telling myself "dontdothisdontdothisdontdothis" when I find myself engaging in certain behaviours. I repeat this to myself until it sort of concretises with my mind and becomes a habit of sorts"

Another question thrown was "But why? Why do you care? Why try so hard?"

I answered:

"I just want to be the best version of myself! And to me, being the best version is really defined by what other people think is a good version. Because it's possible that someone could think the best version of themselves is a murderer, but then obviously that wouldn't be very accepted or liked. And I think in the end what's important to me is that I wanted to be liked by people."

The last question asked, "But how can you be proud of who you are if other people are constantly criticising you?"

I said:

"I think that I've reached a point where I can reach a decent percentage of people that like me to the point where I don't receive too much criticism (at least I hope so). So I'm happy with that percentage. Of course it's a constant struggle to get that percentage to 99.9999 but I'm happy with it now!"

That was a short summary of what I said. I was thinking about this behaviour of mine and this chronic people-pleasing. I'm not sure if it was a nature or a nurture thing honestly. Who really knows! But my professor messaged me the morning after saying:

"I detected an undercurrent of skepticism from the others but you defended yourself convincingly. My one contribution (which I didn't make because I'm afraid of abusing my position) is to propose that when others point out contradictions in yourself, it can be self-validating (and disarming) to embrace such contradictions as a fundamental feature of the human condition, particularly when your self is oriented mainly towards others as is the case for you."

To which I responded:

"

Honestly, I have wondered for a while why I suffer from chronic people-pleasing! I discussed it with my mom once. I said "Maybe it's YOUR fault for giving me these genes" but I don't think it's entirely true because she and I don't operate entirely alike. She has an element of people-pleasing too but she's quite firm on the "do things for yourself" belief as well.

I think it was interesting to hear what everyone else had to say! Throughout the X number of times I've shared this view of my own there has probably also been around X times where people asked me what about my sense of self and my identity. I'm usually ready with an answer though! It was indeed self-validating in a form to just embrace this peculiar nature. I don't think it's bad to be the way I am. Is it optimal? No clue! But I know it isn't bad. I have my own lines and boundaries I draw for myself when it comes to people-pleasing and I would say I have the capacity to live how I do so it's fine for me"

Interesting night! I honestly have a lot more to say on this topic but then this post will never end...

[captainclickycat]

@taxontaxoff Hope you don’t mind me taking this out of the replies, but since I am a little worried now that the original text post came off that way and I really hope people don’t think that was my intention, it seemed like a better idea to address it as a text post.

Of course it wouldn’t be a bad thing for a character to actually have or want a lot of sex with however many people they liked. And if she actually was like that it would still be tragic that she gets her health and autonomy and eventually her life forcibly ripped away from her.

The interpretations I do consider bad, though, are the ones who try to force her character into the tired horror trope of “woman enjoys sex too much and gets punished/killed off because of it”, or interpret her as wanting to fuck Dracula (when she’s actually only ever preyed on and assaulted by him and only ever depicted as miserable and afraid of him) or imply that Dracula targeted her specifically because she was horny and invited the attention (that she was “asking for it”, in other words.)

Or adaptations that just… don’t give her any real personality beyond being the Hot Best Friend/Wannabe Monsterfucker who again ends up getting punished for supposed sexual transgressions. And it’s just especially weird and frustrating when these readings don’t seem to have any real basis in her character. A character who really was gleefully promiscous and really was struggling against Victorian social mores that denied her the sexual freedom she wanted, but who was beloved by everyone and well-rounded and portrayed sympathetically throughout, would be great to see depicted and explored, but I don’t think Lucy really qualifies for that at all.

It just often seems to segue into either victim-blaming or accusing the narrative of victim-blaming, which to be clear there are plenty of things that Dracula can be criticised for, including its depiction of women, but I’d argue that “punishing the slutty character” isn’t really one of them. I’d say the fact that Dracula is a predator who simply targets anyone he takes a fancy to, who wants to evoke fear and disgust as a power play, is a much stronger reading.

I was definitely intending for this post to be read as part of a wider criticism of the way adaptations have misinterpreted her character in gross ways, but out of context I can see how it might have come off as “promiscuous bad” or “being a people-pleaser is better than being horny” which I hope it’s clear wasn’t what I was trying to get across.

Addendum: Another part of the problem with “Lucy = horny and sexually liberated” reading is how often it goes hand-in-hand with “Mina = stuffy and boring and sexually repressed”, which is also very annoying in its own right (particularly as since others have pointed out Mina is offered more agency in the narrative than Lucy and is somewhat less of a people-pleaser), but that’s by the by.

I feel like a lot of the cultural reading of Lucy being this primarily horny promiscuous character comes from her line about “why can’t I just marry all three of my suitors”, which people (read: Coppola and the like) interpreted as “tee-hee I want to fuck them all” and decided this was the basis for her entire character. But honestly in context what she’s saying comes across as more “I can’t bear to hurt any of their feelings” and fits in much more with her overall personality as someone who can’t stand to be a bother or disappoint or upset anyone.

And listen just as an addendum: I love the “they’re all in a polycule” interpretations of Dracula as much as anyone and possibly more. If someone made a film adaptation that leaned into the polycule interpretation and treated it with sensitivity and nuance, I’d be on top of it. But the whole “Lucy said she wanted to marry multiple men and that means she’s a promiscuous minx who wants to bang everyone!!” thing feels mighty disingenuous at best.

[goldenheartstudios]

I watched the season Seabound from Ninjago and I have some thoughts about it

Disclaimer 1: Any strong emotion shown in this post is exaggerated for fun purposes and not meant to take it seriously. The genuine critiques are meant to be respectful or lighthearted

Disclaimer 2: I like making disclaimers (also heads up, there will be spoilers in this post!)

With that aside, this season was fun! Nya is one of my favorite characters, so I was eager to see a season focused on her, even if it was kind of short (I will elaborate on this point later)

First, I want to say that I haven't seen all the recent seasons yet (more specifically 9, 10, 12, 13 and The Island). I know what happens in them, but I couldn’t bring myself to sit and watch them yet, and being Romanian makes it a little harder to find proper sites to say the least. Thankfully, it wasn’t needed to watch them for this season, since I understood all that happened

This brings me to the first compliment I want to give for the season: the story was on point and not difficult to follow. They didn’t complicate it too much than necessary, which is nice! It left room for exploring relationships and emotions

Speaking of which, I always liked the way Ninjago handles emotions. They’re honest and quiet, in a way to show respect and understanding. You know that what happens matters to the characters, and I’m so glad they’re good at that because when Nya’s funeral came up, they put all the effort to show how much she meant for everyone

Nya’s relationship with her mother Maya was also so fun to see! I’m glad that they showed more of the Smith parents and the relationship between them and their children, it made me grow more attached to them and think they’re beyond just “parents”. The Smith family is on the top of my favorites, which I think it’s a good and bad thing at the same time

The dialogue in this season was also fun. There were many times when I felt what they said was genuine and smart, and the cookie line at the end was a simple parallelism, but an effective one. The fact that it was simple is what made it stuck to me and appreciate it (and if the fact that Kai and Jay, the ones who are the closest to Nya, almost drowned in this season for the intentional purpose of making the connection to water, then I will give the writers points for smartness)

And even if the main villain was not for me, I can see and understand why would people like him

Overall, this season was fun and emotional, and I’m definitely looking forward to how it will go next season!

.

.

.

Now let’s get on the negatives

Alright, to start it off, the season lacked in build-up for being short. I felt around the middle that it was moving from point A to point B without leaving time to process it. I know they have limited time, but I feel like season 11 did a better job at handling it, at least in the first half, and I use that as comparison

I definitely felt the rush in action the moment Benthomaar told the others about his past in “The Tale of Benthomaar”. Because even if they just met him, after he told them his tragic backstory, they were like “You’re our friend now and we trust you until the very end”, which it would have been better handled if it was at least one more episode where they get to interact more before this one

But I do understand the lack of time and having few episodes that limited how much they can show. With this time, each episode has to be meaningful, and they have to give much thought into what they can and can’t do

.

Well at least, I would have understood better if “Riddle of the Sphinx” dIDN’T EXIST-

Ok listen, I do get what they tried to do. They wanted to show that the others do something and are part of the plot, while going to a more lighthearted route. But did they really, really, have to go with one of the oldest riddles in history? And make that Wu, of all people, didn’t know the correct answer to it?? When Kai gave the right answer, I was relieved, not surprised, and got me thinking that Wu and Cole need to read the first chapter of a riddle book in the future

Seriously, that time could have been used for something else, or they could have at least given a twist to the riddle

The part when Nya has to learn to communicate to the whales doesn’t make it better, because I know they can use the dragons

We know they can use the dragons

I miss the dragons

For real tho, why do they want to acknowledge the existence of dragons in season 11, but never even consider using them? I don’t want them to constantly use them, since it can be dangerous, but I want them to use them when it’s really needed

I know the writers wanted to make Nya use her powers, but I don’t see the need for it. It’s not like she used this power to do something completely important other than getting away from the island

… When they could have used the dragons-

Going to a different point, there was a lack of comedy in this season, which is one of the things I’m sad about. The thing that I love about Ninjago (and lego related things in general), is its comedy, because even if the story can be wonky or very simple, at least it makes me laugh and I have a good time. “The Virtues of Spinjitzu” is a good example for this, because even if some things from the plot are on the nose, it was hilarious as hell, especially the beginning, which is what makes it memorable and makes me desire to rewatch it someday

Seabound… didn’t have that. The jokes were not that funny for me, which I find unfortunate. It was the first season where I felt that, and I hope it will be the only one

The last point I want to make is that it’s visible some of the characters took the short end of the stick in being relevant this season. I know, this is not the first time it happened, and the creators most likely wanted to concentrate on other characters to balance their lack of focus in previous seasons, but you can write a season focused on one character and make the ones around it feel relevant as well. I genuinely prefer not to be any focus character in the season rather than sacrificing characters for one’s main story

One thing that bothered me the most was the lack of focus on Kai specifically, because this season was about his sister, and in this season, Nya struggles with her family relationship and herself. I’m sad that she and Kai didn’t have a moment when they both talked about their different perspective about their parents, and I’m sad that Kai wasn’t much shown in this season when he loses his sister

The thing that I love the most in this series is their sibling bond, with how they can bicker but care for each other deeply, and it was unfortunate to see a lack of it in this season, especially since it may take a while to see them together again

I do understand that the writers wanted to go with Kai being in a state of shock/processing about Nya’s “death” at the end, but I want to see him grieve in the next season. I want that the moment he’s showing his thoughts and feelings about Nya, his sister he cares deeply, the focus will be on him, like it was with Jay this season

So, the conclusion is that even if I enjoyed this season, I do have my issues with it. And even if I’m looking forward for the next season, I’ll keep my hopes low until I see it for myself, no matter how much it gets hyped

I’m a big fan of Ninjago, and I genuinely want to see it getting better with the pacing, comedy, and characterization

And please Ninjago, no more riddles/hj

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Ok but like what about a scientist who is very feverish and sleep deprived and has taken many all nighters visit villain (cause of work stuff, ya know? Working together to fight the hero?) and then villain notices they're tired so they tell them to take a rest and then the scientist is like "thanks" and falls to the floor and villain has to take care of them?

(This is my first time asking for something like this, sorry if its hard to understand or sumn, im not expecting for u to do this)

Despite the scientist’s impressive collection of knowledge stored in their brain, sometimes their lack of self-care prevailed their rational thinking. They weren’t necessarily ambitious. Working for the villain wasn’t promising more money than every other job they could have gotten in the science community. And their inventions weren’t that groundbreaking, either.

But they were a people pleaser. They couldn’t stand to disappoint the villain. To hear a single discomfited sigh would be a nightmare for them.

So, they often found themselves in the midst of their lab, working more than their doctor told them was normal. Sure, it cost them a healthy dose of sleep, but they couldn’t even fall asleep if they knew the villain wasn’t satisfied with the results.

Today, they were on their way back from the cafeteria with their fifth coffee and more or less ready to work through the night. However, they stopped right there on the stairs when their boss appeared in front of them, coming up.

“Evening,” the scientist mumbled, pulling the cup of hot coffee carefully closer. In their swaying state, they were afraid they would spill anything on the villain’s shoes.

The villain gave them an arched brow and a once-over.

“Everyone’s gone home. You should go, too,” the villain said.

“Yeah, I’m almost done with my work. I still have to check the compressors for the machines and the bacteria colonies have to be fed, too. I also wanted to start a new experiment. I’ve been told one of the heroes is actually allergic to strawberries and I would like to test that. I just don’t know how, yet.” The scientist worried their lip. There was still a lot more to do but the villain didn’t seem to be too keen on listening to that right now.

Judging by the criticising look they were giving the villain at least.

“You can do that tomorrow. It’s past your bedtime.” The scientist laughed at the joke without much energy but the villain did not even smile. “I am serious. I would like you to go to bed.”

The coffee was heavier in their hand than before. Of course they would do it if the villain wanted them to, but there were…experiments and…work. So much fucking work.

“Are you sure? I can stay and—” The villain raised a lazy hand.

“I am sure. I can’t have my best scientist working themselves to death.” Not sure what to do now, the scientist kept standing on the stairs, looking down at the villain which was something so unwonted it made their heart leap.

“I mean it. You look pale.” Suddenly, the villain took the scientist’s coffee out of their hand. “Your diet can’t consist of coffee and a vitamin lacking breakfast, either.”

The scientist wondered if the villain knew this much about their other workers. And if they insisted on their health this violently, too.

They couldn’t help but feel like all of this was some sort of criticism.

“Oh. Yeah, totally. I promise to work on that,” the scientist said. They couldn’t disappoint the villain.

They gave the villain a small smile like they always did and tried to get past them. The stairs already blurred together and created one big inclination that seemed to invite the scientist to fall.

Before they even knew it, the villain grabbed their elbow — they couldn’t even tell if it was in a friendly manner or not — and pulled them close. Closer than decency allowed. But not close enough for the scientist.

“Your coworkers have complained about your long shifts. They think you get more money, they think I favour you which is true. But a week ago, you passed out on your desk for the umpteenth time. It’s not unusual for you to never leave the lab at all. You don’t eat properly, you don’t drink properly. You can barely walk on your own.”

The scientist blinked a few times, looking directly at the brilliant eyes of the villain. Maybe it was their slow brain playing a prank on them but their boss was gentler than usual. “I can’t watch you doing this to yourself. You have to stop.”

The scientist frowned. They didn’t understand the words. Was this criticism? Weren’t they good enough?

Wasn’t this also a contradiction? The villain should have been supportive of their long stays…

“Come here. I’ll bring you home today.” The scientist let themselves be pulled even closer and almost tripped on the stairs. The villain caught them easily before they could hit the ground.

Already half asleep, the scientist fell into the villain’s arms, searching for something they couldn’t put their finger on. It was something ancient, something they needed at all costs.

“I’ll force you to take some days off,” the villain whispered in their ear but the scientist couldn’t even protest anymore.

And in the crook of the villain’s neck, they found their last comfort as they drifted off to sleep.

[somanyfuckedupiftruebooks]

Mag 29

This serves as a correction to one of my previous comments from the statement about the Dark roomate who kept unscrewing lightbulbs: apparently the written statements are sometimes dictated and transcribed in the moment. I stand corrected! That seems like a wild way to take statements to me, but who am I to criticise the workings of the Magnus Institute?

Okay let's start with some basic thoughts in the End. It's cool that as the original Fear, basically all of the other Entities began in the End. The fear of death is both the root of all other fears, and as far as we know, the only Entity capable of killing/consuming the others, which makes it unique amongst the Entities. It's the most passive of all the other Entities by far, because it can afford to be, and we're lucky this is the case. If the End was actively invested in killing everything, all life would basically be screwed (which I guess is the idea behind the Extinction).

I think we can see that in the episode here, where the battleground is a mix of many different possible fears (Slaughter, Desolation, Lonely, Corruption) but the only thing that makes the soldier run is dying. The core of every other fear is that he doesn't want to die; all roads lead to the End.

Yes, everyone does fear death. Even people who desire or have made peace with their own death must still have some level of apprehension over it. No one knows what happens after we die and we all have to face it eventually. Of course we're afraid; of course a thing capable of surviving off that fear would be basically the ultimate power in all of creation.

That said, I did find it strange that the way this is phrased in the episode immediately spoke to the opposite fear for me. The episode talks about death being fearful even to those with faith in an afterlife, because existing for eternity is horrifying. I kind of agree? But for me the idea of immortality is horrifying for this reason. I don't want to exist forever! Time is the cruelest thing in the universe; it strips all meaning from everything. Death would be preferable to living forever, which is why I really hope there isn't an afterlife.

I'm definitely not like the soldier, panicking over the idea of death and trying to avoid it at any cost. I want to die someday (just hopefully not any time soon) because otherwise what is the point of anything?

Anyway this rambling is getting way more incoherent than usual, I will try to keep the existentialism to a minimum from here on out.

I originally took the age of the bones to be an indication that this version of Death has been stuck in his role for an incredibly long time (maybe millennia), before realising that he probably wouldn't be a monk if that was the case. I googled 'when did monks start' and apparently they've been around since the third century, so the oldest he could be is 1500 years. Which is very old obviously, but hardly 'older than you could possibly dream', and also if his clothes are instantly recognisable as monk's robes to this uneducated soldier, than he is probably much more recent than that.

So I think the real clue is in the phrase 'Death was no more a skeleton than you are a woolen suit'. These aren't the monk's actual bones that we're seeing, it's more like an outfit that he is wearing. He's dressed up as the embodiment of Death.

Poor idiot. Don't you know the cardinal rule of making a deal with any kind of supernatural power is to make sure you get the wording exactly right? It's basic stuff. Demon deals, fey bargains and genie wishes all operate by the same premise as a game with Death. Don't just agree without negotiating your terms! Get it in writing and make sure you understand all the terms and conditions before you enter into a formal agreement. You probably shouldn't even be discussing this without your attorney present.

Love that he's like 'Well, obviously Death's games are all rigged, so instead I'll get him to play my rigged game.' And it works!

Adding the Eye to the list of Entities that the End can embody.

Cheat Death! Cheat Death! Cheat Death!

There's no possible way this could turn out badly!

So... Death let him win, right? It would be against whatever rules bind him to outright throw a game and lose on purpose, but if the other player attempts to win by cheating, I think he can just allow it to happen. He's probably been waiting for centuries for someone to pick a game they can cheat at in such a way that he can pretend not to notice.

[rachaeljurassic]

I am going to watch 3x06 later but first...

I decided to watch 1x01 yesterday (thanks to a link I was sent, thanks 😘, I have all the episodes now 😁) and it was just so 🥰 to see them all for the first time. Dot afraid of telephones, Hugh banging his knee on his desk. But one highlight was the moment Aunt P quite literally emobodied

😒

so perfectly that I had to stop watching to recover 🤣🤣🤣

But it also got me thinking about a few things.

Why do I love Jack? tbh he is the exact character I always go for. Somebody who has tried so hard to live by the rules but things went to shit anyway. A man with a scowly outside hiding a soft gooey centre. A man of morals and honour who doesn't seem to think he deserves nice things. Of course, he looks rather nice too 🥵

Phryne and Mac. I guess I missed/forgot that Mac calls Phryne her oldest friend. Does she mean she has known her since they were kids, or that she's the oldest friend she still knows, so it coud be they met later? Not sure we'll ever find out but it's interesting to me to think about BOTH those options. But basically I can see why, at whatever time, they gravitated towards each other because they are different sides of the same coin. They both do whatever they please and damn anybody who criticises them. They simply rebel against society norms in very different ways. Phryne sashays around in the most fabulous clothes money can buy, sleeping with every man she takes a fancy to. Mac wears her suits and cravats, quietly conducting her personal life out of the spotlight. But both of them present themselves in a way that say 'I am doing ME, if you don't like it, go fuck yourself!' OF COURSE they are friends, they entirely understand each other

Why Mac is my girl. OK, Phryne is amazing, she's 🥵, I love her, I really do, but she is SO unlike me that she was never going to be main fixation. Mac, on the other hand, is somebody I DO relate to. I can't decide if I want to BE her or to MARRY her. Both probably. I want to go to work in a suit, waistcoat and cravat (and one day maybe I will!). I want to be as comfortable as she seems in her skin. I want to care as little as she seems to do about the barbs she must have faced and the outright homophobia that is seen from time to time on the show. She must have had a very hard life but at some point she thought 'fuck it'. I wish I had her courage. She is my hero I guess.

I'm off to eat now, and then, on with the show 😁