#always the complicated path
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Aegon, Aemond, Helaena, and Daeron looking at Alicent after she washes her hands of a war, that she (and Otto) dragged them into, and the throne, that she (and Otto) forced them to grasp/fight over even though they obviously didn't want it, and goes off to live her best life while they are all still stuck in a cycle forced on to them without their input (obviously this is about the s2 final):
#anti hotd#like....what were they doing with alicent in s2? like-#in s1 they had great foundation for pushing her character and her belief as to why her children would be under threat from just existing#(even if u like rhae- understandable- it's not hard to take a step back & understand some of ali's pov#especially when daemon comes into the picture)#there's buildup for why she's forcing this on to her kids (murky but still) & still shows that she loves them in a complex way#heck there was even room to show her after all this also wanting to be close to the throne trailing into s2 whatever#but then s2 shits on that by making everything that happened in s1 hold no weight & ali (& otto) basically ruin their kids lives#like i like alicent but s2 makes no sense characterwise & makes her just...a bad character overall#like ive always felt bad for her kids bc ali was wrong a lot of times but u understand it bc toxic/complex family relationships where the#love is still there but it's complicated#but now post s2? i feel sorry bc their mother pushed them down a path and then left them to live her life?#HUH!?#fanfic writers save me!#aegon ii targaryen#aemond targaryen#heleana targaryen#daeron targaryen#alicent hightower#kind of...anti alicent hightower too?#hotd showrunners really ruined this family & it frustrates me so bad#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#like “sorry sweeties mommy wants to makes amends with her childhood crush so rip!”#(& this is from someone who ships rhaenicent)
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Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)
Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)
Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?
#new age au#really enjoying the idea of Reaper + Geno having an heir at some point (and them sending that heir over to Night's kingdom for#exposure to other places as well as to hang with his third cool knight dad who's hard at work 🙏)#Kane has little to no development besides being a perfect angel (foil to Reset's eventual turn to poor choices) so I'd love to do#to him what I do to every oc of mine. (Namely: Throw them into the Kingdom and see what they do.)#oh! and I could see Blue and Dream (beloved boys) listening to the warnings of possible complications if they try to have a lil babybones#and Dream deciding he'd take the risk and carry the growing soul#(<- though tbf this is MANY years into the future and they'd be well established knights of the realm)#i'm not evil so they *would* manage to avoid the twins curse and have a singular beautiful babybones#they'd get raised partially on the move but stay behind with Night and Error if the two had a more dangerous mission#and grow up to be an obnoxiously powerful warrior following after their dads#(but they'd probably be hesitant to follow into the footsteps of being a knight and might go on a quest with friends before choosing a#final path for themselves)#<- Most spoiled rotten kid ever. courtesy of Nightmare and Error and all their extended family <3#oh last note. Ancha has me cracking up w/ ideas for Cross potentially meeting someone and I was beamed w/ an old ship request post I saw and#I think it'd be funny to include Lust in here somehow... (probably call him smth else as a nickname but y'know-)#like. He works in the city around the castle as some sort of... idk tailor? and he's been making things for Nightmare for years without#knowing because Ccino always was discreet about the orders and providing measurements + always tipped well so it was none of his business#but one day it's like. before a big announcement ceremony or smth and Ccino drags Cross in by the scruff because no one can get him to get#clothes that actually fit aside from armor (hc he steals the others clothes a lot and wears 1 shirt until it's threadbare)#so Ccino makes him go to Lust and Lust is able to get him fitted for sone new outfits because. well. Lust doesn't do much but he's very very#handsome and Cross is super easily flustered and shy around new people and he's awkward and aughhh.#and then he thinks about the interaction for the next month before deciding he's going to ask Ccino to go back there again.#and Lust likes dressing Cross up in new outfits (everyone thinks it's great Cross is loosening up and meeting new friends cuz Lust introduce#s him to people in town) and it takes forever for Cross to get over his worries and ask Lust out to a ride on his horse (romantic. of course#) and Lust agrees because he's charmed.#and the best part would be Cross *actually* manages to keep it a secret. like. no one finds out until one morning Killer bursts into Cross'#room to wake him for surprise training and it's Cross. the weird Dog. and- holy shit did Cross have someone over???#Cross pulls the cool ones frfr 🙏#it's just a casual thing between them with little plot relevance or drama I think. just a chill lil relationship 🙏
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Soooooo I wrote this incredibly self-indulgent thing about Miles. I have many feelings about how he keeps himself so tightly in control. It's gotta go somewhere.
Disclaimer it's quite dark, so mind the trigger warning and keep yourself safe <3
TW: self-harm, not what I would consider graphic descriptions, but it is the central theme and way more than a mention
The lock clicks. He slips his suit jacket off. Loosens then removes his tie. Untucked, buttons undone. It’s all laid out on the bed. Step by step. Shoes set to the side and trousers swapped for silken pajama pants.
The bathroom door closes behind him. The second lock between him and the world. The shower comes on. Towel laid out on the counter.
His drawer, second down on the left. He pulls out the small black bag. Gold zipper. Supple leather. Inside, his collection. Three packs of new razor blades. An open pack of blades; used ones tucked into the back. A single hypodermic needle. A crafting knife. Two unopened band aids.
The rest of the drawer’s contents is ignored, antiseptic and suture kits, butterfly closures and rolls of gauze, in favor of practiced hands sliding the tin of blades from the bag and the blade from the tin.
He sits on the toilet, lid down. Elbow straight. Fist clenched. The first slice with a small inhale. Bright and sharp and stinging. Familiar and comforting. Line after line as red blooms from the wounds. The ecstasy second only to the Kiss. Rivulets follow gravity down. Strategically placed tissues catch the mess.
Stained crimson, they fall into the waste basket. He flexes his wrist, testing the pull of the broken skin, blots the last of the blood away. Blade inspected and stowed; everything returned to it’s place. Pajamas folded on top of the toilet, he steps into the shower.
#path of night podcast#my fic#*clenches fist* i WILL get better about sharing my writing#but yes many many thoughts about how he regulates himself emotionally and the toll that keeping himself in check takes#i dont have actual like coherent thoughts otherwise i would have written more lmao#but i always gotta have some character to slap the self-harm headcanon onto and unfortunately for miles he is The Chosen One this go around#i would imagine hes very methodical and ritualistic about it and finds it very centering and grounding and cathartic but also#tips right into that edge where he NEEDS it and its becoming a coping mechanism he doesn't really have a replacement for when push comes to#shove and how does he cope when this thing that supposedly gives him control leads him to being more out of control v juicy thoughts for me#if i actually bothered to write anything substantial i would probably post it to ao3 but for 250 words im not sure its worth it lmao#i feel like my tenses are all over the place too but im just going to live with it!!!!!!!!!#i also have many many thoughts about how marcos is involved and complicit spoiler hes the one who put all those medical supplies#in the bathroom just in case miles ever needed them#and the blood bond only complicates things
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as the masculine woman who wasn't allowed to use the girl's bathroom in school and to this day have straight women prefer to stand than sit next to me at the bus or question if it's "appropriate" to have me in school staff teaching teenagers. the only "gaslighting" in this is the pretense that it is either a new phenomena or increasing because of The Trans Question being divisive in current gringo politics. when it's classic lesbophobia that always existed and honestly if you ask me things have been improving. but then I do feel like transphobia itself is a restriction of homo/lesbophobia against the mostly visibly gender non conforming of us.
#straight women hate lesbians and bisexual women#sometimes straight women who are a bit of tomboys are also targeted by it#poor women are typically more likely to be masculinized in these manners because we are already seen as dangerous and capable of doing hard#work or taking abuse. sometimes this class aspect gets conflated with specific racial and ethnic groups#to the point where honestly I call most of the mistrust other women have against me 'lesbophobia' but it is likely some comes from me still#having a clearly class marked accent and fashion sense. and the fact I call myself a white mestiza but everyone can tell I have black blood#and that's a problem in itself#like this is all such basic lessons on the world and oppression I learnt this shit at 6 when I first got beat up for being too masculine#why are we pretending it's 'complicated'?#your privilege makes you biased against minority women. I don't know if based on class race or sexuality but fix your shit#women bring scared of me never made me a man#but this is also why I do have a lot of sympathy for trans men and can understand and accept if that's the path they choose#for me it was always straight women who were traitors...#.txt
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mentally i'm here
#la serreta de alcoi you'll always be famous <3#i feel so close to this archeological site (iberian settlement and sanctuary) cause i did two projects on it for uni#and it's the archaeological site closest to my dad's hometown so we went to the museum and i saw the artifacts with my own eyes#and we wanted to go to the site but it's practically impossible to get there#as you can see in the picture it's on the top of a mountain and the space is very abrupt and complicated#you have to cross a forest while climbing the mountain and there's no place to stop the car or anything. there's like this tiny path that#deviates from the road. no sign or anything. you just need to know la serreta is there#i once looked for how long it would take to climb the mountain to get to the site and it was like 2 hours#and of course like most archaeological sites in this country it's barely taken care of#it's practically abandoned
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so tired of being a shitty bandaid for my parents' loneliness. like have u ever considered you passed your curse to me and some days i feel so lonely it's like i can't breathe around the emptiness in my chest????
#my dad is like#you can't just be in your room all the time then what's the point of you living here if ill be sitting here all alone then#and im like bhai what#mom also says this to me she always wanted to sit and rant and she used to say you never talk to me#both of these people don't even fucking get it that they're not even interested in me listening to me#mom just wants a sounding board for her venting and dad just wants someone to pretend everything is okay and happy all the time and#the only important things in life is the immediate present and food and making money and stuff#i swear this is why i feel so ????? about myself my identity like no i can't describe myself#because there is no myself there is just a white sheet of paper where people can write whatever they want#im so tired man#why can't they just go and live with each other and leave us kids out of it 😭🙏#like i genuinely am getting teary eyed about such a small thing but god. i want to have my own life so bad. im sick of feeling all these#complicated emotions guilt and anger and pity and obligation and duty like just god pls fuck off#people my age are so fucking mature and put together than me so confident so clear about their path#have friends partners breakups parties just so many new memories#and im just stuck.#and im fine with it now because i get it studying is really important and this is quite basic requirement to be perfect at#atleast my syllabus to survive in this industry#but then. let me do that only. please don't make me pretend to like you like spending time with you and everything#ive hated you for like. idk 14 whole years. since the first time you hit mom in front of me#i remember it so well like my childhood broke that day you slammed her into a wall for some stupid fight and her hair was all messy and#untied and you shouted so loud i thought surely everyone can hear. and then you left to roam around the city at night with your friends#i remember this because my mom and my sister sent me to check up on you with the excuse of a painting of a parrot that i had made#i didn't understand anything back then#but yeah fuck you fuck you fuck you for being so fucking delusional thinking i love you or something#ive prayed to god that you die and i still do#it would directly mean 4 people being happy#anyway#dni#this was meant to be fun and short lol fuck
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the more i think about it the more i actually like daichi
#when he was introduced i didn't think he'd be so important but he is and i really like his development#again it fits with that post about redemption not being equal to forgiveness and such#i just have a lot of feelings about him and i just think him caring for the jamato is very cute#also think exploring his dynamic with keiwa further could be interesting as they did have interesting interactions throughout#but i'm still very much thinking about their talk before they went against kekera like do i think keiwa will forgive him i don't know#but probably not at least not fully there's always going to be an anger there and some semblance of guilt but it's a process#keiwa doesn't have to forgive him and neither does sara they don't even have to acknowledge him existing at all#but i think that daichi and keiwa are forever bonded to each other in a way and idk it's just something to explore#also just generally think keiwa would help with the jamato bc he's kind and volunteering to help them is something he'd do if they're good#and we've established that sunflower jamato are sweet and i think keiwa would help them out#daichi is doing a lot of work with the jamato still as well so perhaps they'd cross paths through them idk it's complicated and messy#but i just really want daichi to keep bettering himself even if he'll never be forgiven#also i just really like his progress in the jamato movie like he's really improving#kr geats lb#kr lb#umbrella.thoughts#umbrella.posts
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Me: Talks about the significance and intimacy (not automatically romantic, folks, but also there's an inherent romanticism) of hands, and touch and who you let into that space of comfort. Pinterest: Did you say hands? Here, we've adjusted your home feed you so that you. cannot. possibly. escape. them. you're. welcome. Me: I just wanted— what did I want, again?
... Did I end up rambling about anything but hands in my tags? Yes. Welcome to me, this is what you sign up for. Not my portrayal, not my writing, my tag rambles.
#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.#[ i literally don't remember what i went on here for. ]#[ i thought it was an icon but it was not. ]#[ instead i'm now thinking of the importance of her gloves. ]#[ and how they're a barrier between her and humanity. or everything inherently human; more so. ]#[ they're an aesthetic. yes. of course-- but it's more than that. in characters made by hoyo? everything always has 5 more layers. ]#[ at the very least. ]#[ ugh. i wish i could organize my thoughts and talk about the 'versions' of rather-- layers of kafka herself. ]#[ without it being 24 paragraphs long. ]#[ it's just gotten so complicated because you see her presenting herself in such way for so long. ]#[ voice. attitude. indifference. playfulness. and all of those remain except they falter more when she's around two individuals. ]#[ i can't even include sw and elio in this yet. because while kafka seemed to lean a little towards her more normal voice... ]#[ in the pier point dialogue with sw; it was only sometimes. it was so inconsistent. ]#[ same with sam. granted there's only one exchange between them so far. ]#[ but i digress-- then i get her story quest and in it she softens not even a little. but decently enough. ]#[ is /that/ the pretense? no you don't fake that. you don't fake how she says '...you're not leaving?' that delivery is vocal perfection. ]#[ but /that/ plays so well into all these other very human elements that she has. ]#[ i swear-- part of me truly believes she's already /on/ the path of 'learning' to feel a semblance of what fear is. or better yet... ]#[ what it /stems/ from. ]#[ because we say 'she has no concept of fear' but what does that MEAN. does that mean across the board? ]#[ concern stems from fear. you need /care/ and investment to feel fear. she /shows/ concern actively. she risks a lot to-- ]#[ be concerned about blade. and yes; she lacks the fear of them getting caught. but she's concerned for him. ]#[ and she's also practical and analytical; she knows if they get caught-- blade worsens. ]#[ and while it also endangers the 'future' a bit; she harps on blade. she also confides in the MC about her concern. ]#[ i just. ]#[ this is so much more complicated than i thought it'd be. ]#[ and also this whole concept of what humans fall into when they lack fear. how they become metaphorical 'demons'... ]#[ that pursue pleasure and thrill. but she became a /hunter/ of them. and yet she shows a lesser shade of it herself. ]#[ i just. think she's so inherently and stupidly interesting. HI GUYS. HANDS. i totally went on a tangent. ]#[ ... not about hands. ]
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HiJack Week Summer 2023 Playlist
July 22nd- Universe Swap
(tada! it's a double feature, two songs to represent each charcater/movie)
Hiccup as a Spirit
"Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else Before you made the choice for me My feet knew the path We walked in the dark, in the dark I never gave a single thought to where it might lead”
Jack as a Berkian:
"You will survive, will never stop wonders You and sunrise will never fall under We should always know that dreams can do everything!
Go do!"
Find the entire completed playlist here!
#OKAY i really want to ramble about this for a second#Hiccups arcs in HTTYD is more or less learning to forge his own path and learning to trust himself and his skills. building confidence etc#SO we come to Manny literally forcing this fate on him for eternity. I thought the song fit a mix of finding who u are and#longing to follow ur own path#anyway then we come to Jack which is far less complicated . I needed a good Jonsi song that gave my jack's vibes and this is always my go t#hijack week#hijack week 2023#hijack#hijack playlist#hijack week playlist#royal rambles#frostcup#Spotify
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Think "necessity" of evil in the ultimate doing of good ("For God judged it better to bring good out of evil than not to permit any evil to exist"); sin/failure for the sake of elevation, personal and otherwise, and how each of the characters "falls" so that good may come of it somehow, be it in general knowledge, assistance in pursuing good or personal enlightenment.
I'm far too lacking in dogmatic understanding to pursue this specific angle of investigation the way I'd like to and it's driving me crazy.
#vincent the traitor who releases adriel and later repents yes - but this ultimately brings us to reya#who would've stayed in shadow otherwise and hidden the danger she represents. oh the blood that was shed#but the progression of history has required it always and a few cardinals slain in a hotel are a small price to pay#suzanne the prideful who must be bent into accepting and trusting the women around her eventually#who followed by shannon the wronged (innocent?) precipitates the rise of ava#ava whom suzanne also aids and could not have done so had she not fallen#beatrice the forsaken who carves a path towards herself by using her pain#and without whom the designated saviour would never be able to save anyone of course#mary the abandoned who pays for the sins of her mother and thus buys herself the family she needs#jillian the relentless whose curiosity is fed in morsels at the exchange of human life#but who does gain glimpses at Something and who does become more human herself through loss#lilith the heir whose arrogance costs her more than one family but who might well lead the way to new life#michael the lamb who dies so ava may find her own way towards achieving her goal#i know this isn't exactly dogmatic but still; i'm caught up with nathaniel hawthorne see#read the marble faun and you will understand where this is coming from#i remember being struck by how in starz' spartacus every single character action brought on new disaster#but here in warrior nun - as much as disaster is part of it - there seems to be a light at the end of each tunnel in a way#complications arise one after the other but there are gains along the way#i shall ponder a good while more#if for no other reason than babbling in the tags like this is unacceptable#i was raised a civilised woman and i will write cohesive ordered texts like one! (eventually!)#analysis and similar#exercises in observation
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And why is it always the mother/daughter relationship that fucks me up the most????
#misc#i knew that last book was gonna make irreparable damage to my brain with this alone#to see how their path go into completely different way in the second book#and how their vision of each other were so opposite#i was waiting for this moment#and gosh it delivered#but yes#mother/daughter complicated relationships in fiction always makes me go insane#im sure there is something to be studied here
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LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - ONE
pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x sofia. chapter warnings: none (angst) chapter two┆ chapter three ┆ chapter four
The bass from the speakers rattled the glass in your hand as you leaned against the porch railing, eyes scanning the backyard for him—Rafe.
It had been a long month.
Longer than you thought it would be. Usually, when you and Rafe had your little “breaks,” they lasted about a week, maybe two at most. It was always something stupid, a screaming match that ended with slammed doors and his truck peeling out of your driveway. But it never lasted. It couldn’t. You’d known each other too long, been through too much, and deep down, there was this unspoken truth—he’d always come back. Or, you would.
But this time was different.
This time, he wasn’t calling or showing up at your window in the middle of the night, eyes tired and sorry, pulling you into his arms. The space between you had been growing wider since his dad died. And sure, maybe it was your fault for what you said after Ward’s death—But it was the truth.
Still, you hadn’t expected him to shut you out completely. Two months. Two months of silence. And the only thing you’d heard about him since was through Ruthie, Topper’s new girlfriend, of all people. A random comment at Mase’s place—something about how Rafe had been hanging around some pogue girl named Sofia.
You’d rolled your eyes at that. Rafe? With some Pogue? Yeah, right. You’d pretended not to care when she tossed it out like it was nothing
You weren’t stupid.
You’d always known Rafe wasn’t the easiest guy to love. He was complicated, angry, reckless—but so were you. And in some messed-up way, that’s why you two worked. Or at least, why you thought you did. You were just as stubborn, just as damaged. But now, as you sipped your drink and looked around, something felt off. Your gut was tight, and that nagging feeling that’d been growing restless under your skin since the breakup only grew stronger the longer you stood there.
You pushed yourself off the railing, discarding your drink on a table before moving through the crowd, past people you knew but didn’t bother with. Your mind was set on one thing—Rafe. You were done with the break. You had your space. It’s time to get back together. It was never even really a question. It was just the way things worked with you two.
But then there was Ruthie—blocking your path, her wide smile dripping with the kind of smugness that set your teeth on edge. She looked like she was reveling in your misery and that little giggle she let out only made it worse.
"So glad you could make it!" she sang out, her voice too sweet, too bright. Her eyes flickered over you like she was sizing you up, taking stock of every inch of your perfectly put-together outfit.
You forced a smile, “Yeah, well, wouldn’t miss a party like this,” you said, keeping your tone casual.
You weren’t in the mood for whatever game she was playing.
“Oh, I just bet,” she replied, her smile growing wider. She stepped closer, her breath reeking of cheap wine, and you had to resist the urge to roll your eyes. Ruthie always drank too much at these things.
What the hell was her problem? She always acted like she knew something you didn’t, like she held the keys to all the dirty little secrets in Kildare, and she loved dangling them in front of people just to watch them squirm.
“Ruthie, I swear to God—” you began, but she cut you off, her grin widening.
“Oh, honey,” she cooed, her voice dripping with fake sympathy, “don’t get mad at me. I’m just the messenger. You should really be talking to Rafe about this.” She took a step back, still smiling, and glanced over her shoulder. “He’s around, you know. You can go find him yourself. See how cozy he’s gotten with her.”
You bit your tongue, jaw, forcing yourself to stay calm. She was trying to get under your skin, like the snake she’d always been. You couldn’t believe Top was lonely and horny enough to finally fall into her claws.
“Thanks for the tip,” you gave her a tight lipped grimace, brushing past her, didn’t try and wait for her reply.
You only caught glimpses of empty rooms along the way. You hadn’t seen him since the break, and part of you didn’t want to admit how much that messed you up. How much he messed you up. Your steps slowed as you neared the hall that led to the back of the house, the sound of voices filtering through the air. You recognized some, laughed at the drunken ramblings, until one voice cut through the noise. Rafe’s.
And then you heard hers. No fucking way.
You didn’t stop. You couldn’t. You told yourself you just needed to see him, just talk to him, tell him this break had gone on long enough, that you were done with the games. That’s when you heard it again—her laugh. It was light, flirtatious, the kind of laugh that made your stomach turn into a million different directions because you knew exactly what it meant.
She was there, with him.
You moved forward, the hallway barely lit as you reached the half-closed bathroom door. Your breath hitched, hands trembling as you peeked through the small crack, unable to stop yourself from looking.
There they were.
She was smiling, laughing softly at something he’d said, her fingers brushing through her hair as if she didn’t have a care in the world. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched his hands move, tying the knot in her bikini with such gentle precision like he’d done it a thousand times. The kind of softness he used to have with you. And then he said it, his voice teasing, amused like this was some kind of inside joke between them.
"God, this is just landing right in my lap, isn’t it?"
You froze.
He laughed quietly, his lips brushing against Sofia’s shoulder as he tied the last knot, and the way he touched her—like she was something to be savored—sent a rush of pure, burning humiliation straight through your chest.
You stumbled back, your heart pounding in your ears as Rafe’s words repeated over and over in your head. Landing right in my lap. What the fuck was this?
Your heart clenched, vision blurring as what you were seeing slammed right into you. You backed away, your hand flying to your mouth to stop the sob from escaping. But it didn’t help. Not even à little. The tears burned, and you turned quickly, practically running back through the house and out the door before anyone could see the humiliating mess you were becoming.
It was real. He moved on. In two fucking months.
That’s all it had taken for him to replace you. To be done with you. He was over you. Just like that.
After everything you’d been through together, after all the times you had to pull him out of his own darkness, after the nights spent in his arms when you thought you couldn’t breathe because your whole family was gone—after years of being his and him being yours—how the fuck could he move on when you’d been rotting away in self loathing for pushing him away?
Your head spun as you stumbled down the steps, out to the street where your car was parked. You couldn’t breathe. Your breaths were coming out too fast, too shallow, and your hands were shaking so hard you had to press them against your knees to hold yourself up.
What the hell was wrong with you? You hadn’t even had anything to drink.
But your stomach was rolling, twisting in knots so tight you could barely stand straight. You leaned against the side of your car, the cool metal grounding you to reality for a second before a wave of nausea hit, forcing you to double over and retch onto the pavement. Tears stung your eyes as you coughed, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.
You felt dizzy, disgusted even, everything you thought you knew, everything you thought was yours, had been ripped out from under you.
Without a single warning. Not a text, not a stupid call, just pure indifference. No respect or regard for you. None of them. Everything you’d just seen replayed in your mind—Rafe, her, the way he touched her like she meant something to him.
“Look who’s still standing!” Topper’s voice. He was laughing as he strolled over, hands shoved in his pockets, that same carefree grin on his face that he always had at parties. “Jesus, what did you have to drink? You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”
Normally, you might have had something to say back, maybe a fiery insult or a roll of your eyes. But right now, everything felt like too much. You couldn’t say a word. You could barely breathe.
Your cousin stopped beside you, his grin dropping as he finally looked at you. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He leaned down, trying to catch your eyes. “You good? You look kinda—"
You cut him off, the question was heavy, like a lump lodged in your throat. “Did you know?”
He blinked, the confusion spreading across his face. “Know what?”
You swallowed, your heart hammering in your chest as you forced the words out, your voice shaking. “About Rafe and Sofia.”
You hated saying her name.
Hated that you’d been forced to know it by heart. Topper’s smile dropped, his expression changing.
He didn’t answer. He didn’t have to, you knew him well enough to read his micro expressions. You clenched your fists, it felt like you were the only one in the island who’d been let out of the secret.
Surely, your friends, your only family would’ve told you something right? It’s not like you were on a remote island away from them. You’d spent the last month in New York, not in the fucking jungle. You visited occasionally. You were a call away.
“Did everyone fucking know?”
Topper exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, we didn’t think it was serious. You know how it is with you two—you’ve done this before. Played with other people…”
Played with other people. Like you and Rafe were just some game, a revolving door of heartbreak and hookups. It didn’t make sense. You’d always known how it worked, understood how these things went—sure, you’d had your minor flings, and he’d had his, but it was never real.
You stumbled back, feeling like you might collapse. “Oh my God, I’m going to be sick again.”
He reached out, obviously concerned since he hadn’t seen you in this desperate state in years, “Hey, hey, calm down. Look, it’s not like it means anything. Rafe’s just—he’s going through a lot with his dad dying, and he… he’s just messing around. You know how he gets.”
But the words did nothing to soothe you. They only made it worse—how everyone knew. How they’d all watched Rafe move on, while you were stuck, still reeling from the breakup, thinking he’d come back like he always did. And he was just out there, with her.
With someone else. You pressed a hand to your stomach, your head hurting. The idea of Sofia, of Rafe being with someone else in ways that only you knew—ways that had always been yours—made you feel like you were being torn apart.
Topper was still talking, still trying to rationalize it, but his words were like static now, blending into the noise of the party behind you. “It doesn’t mean anything,” he was saying. “You know how it goes. You always end up back together. He’s just doing whatever to distract himself.”
That word. Distract himself. Like your entire relationship could be boiled down to that—a series of distractions until you decided to come back to each other, to pick up the pieces and pretend everything was okay.
You could still remember the night your life changed—the phone call, the horrible, gut-wrenching moment when you learned that your family’s private plane had gone down. Your parents. Your sister. Gone. Just like that. And Rafe had been the one to pull you through it. He was the one who had held you as you cried so hard you thought you were going to die, who sat with you in silence when you couldn’t bring yourself to speak, who stayed with you every single night because you were terrified to be alone in a haunted mansion that now felt like a mausoleum.
You had been seventeen, and losing them all at once had killed something inside of you. But he was there. He wasn’t perfect—far from it—but he knew what it was like to grieve.
He knew loss. He understood. Because you’d been there for him two years earlier, when his mom lost her battle to cancer. You could still see the look in his eyes that day—fourteen years old and already drowning in so much anger and sadness, like the world had ripped something essential out of him.
The way he cried at her funeral when he thought no one was watching, and you’d found him, sat beside him in the cold, letting him cry without saying a word. You hadn’t started dating yet, hadn’t crossed that line, but something had changed between you two in those moments.
A connection, a bond forged in shared pain, in the kind of trauma that no one else really got. Maybe that was why you were so obsessed with each other. Maybe it was fucked up, but you couldn’t imagine anyone else understanding you the way Rafe did.
How could it all come down to this? To you standing here, feeling like the world was ending while he moved on, laughing and touching someone else like nothing you had ever been through mattered?
Was that it? Did that one moment, that one argument about Ward, erase everything you’d done for him?
All the times you’d been there, the way you had comforted him when he felt like his life was spiraling? You remembered exactly what you’d said a month after the funeral, when your boyfriend blamed everyone but Ward for his own death. "He wasn’t a good person, baby. I know he was your dad, but you can’t pretend like he didn’t fuck you up."
You hadn’t even said it to hurt him, not really. It was just the truth. Ward had been a terrible father, controlling and manipulative, and you’d spent years watching Rafe try to live up to some impossible standard, chasing his father’s approval like it would ever be enough. But that didn’t make it easier for him to hear. You should have known better. You should have known how raw he was after losing his dad, how complicated his feelings were.
But instead, you’d been brutal. Honest, but brutal.
And now, two months later, here you were—staring at the empty street, wondering if you’d pushed him too far. If that one moment of honesty was enough to make him forget everything else. Now you were just the ex, the crazy one who didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.
“Fuck, why did I say that?” you whispered to yourself, voice shaking. Why couldn’t you have just let it go?
But then another clarity of anger took over you, pushing away the guilt that had been building inside. So you’d been too harsh about Ward. So you’d said what everyone else had been too scared to say. It wasn’t like you’d been wrong. Ward had messed Rafe up.
Everyone knew it. He knew it, deep down.
You gritted your teeth, staring out at the dark street, the low hum of the party still buzzing faintly behind you. You were never going to get that picture out of your head. Like they hadn’t just met, like you hadn’t spent years learning how to calm Rafe when he spiraled, how to hold him together when he couldn’t hold himself.
Your chest tightened again, a bitter taste rising in your throat.
You could still feel the weight of his head on your shoulder that night, years ago, when his mom passed. The silent sobs that shook his body, the way he’d held onto you. That was the real Rafe—the one he hid from everyone else. The one who was lost and broken underneath all the anger. And you’d seen him, really seen him in ways no one else ever could. Not Sofia. Not anyone.
"Look, you're emotional, okay? I get it. Maybe it's that time of the month or something. You know how you always get when your hormones go crazy."
The words got to you, but not in the way he probably thought they would. At first, it pissed you off, like it always did when people tried to downplay your emotions. Everyone always said you felt too much. That you were out of control.
But then…
You stopped moving, blinking rapidly as his words spiraled around in your brain. ‘Time of the month’, he'd said.
Your heart started doing summersaults, your stomach dropping as the idea settled in. You grabbed your phone, hands trembling like leaves as you opened the calendar app. You scrolled, trying to think, trying to remember when you’d last…fuck.
You hadn’t had your period in… so long.
Almost two months. No. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening. It had to be some kind of fucked up joke.
You felt light-headed as you reached for your car again, your body shaking so badly you could barely stand against the door. "Shit."
How could you not have noticed?
Topper noticed the change in you instantly, his brow furrowing. "What’s wrong with you?" he asked, his tone softening a little. "You okay?"
You couldn’t even form a sentence. Your brain was too full of what-ifs. Two months late.
You hadn't even thought about it until now—everything had taken so much space in your head that you hadn't noticed the most obvious sign. This wasn’t possible. Your hand flew to your stomach, almost instinctively. You had no idea what to do with the panic creeping up your throat.
“Shit,” You hissed, this time louder, trying to push the growing dread down. But it wouldn't go away.
He was still staring at you, “What? What’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”
But you were already backing away, shaking your head, “I—I need to go,” You mumbled, barely hearing yourself.
Your cousin moved quickly to block your path as you tried to make your way toward the door. That kind of protective streak only made you want to shove past him even more.
"You’re not driving in this state." he warned you, voice firm, his hands up like he was trying to physically stop you.
You just glared at him, “Fucking watch me.”
He didn’t budge. "You get in that car and I'm calling Rafe," he said, sounding dead serious.
You couldn’t believe it. Your head was already spinning, and he was trying to guilt-trip you like this was some kind of helpful thing to do? You threw your hands up in frustration, voice rising, cracking. "He’s too busy fucking Sofia. Knock yourself out."
The words felt like venom in your mouth, the bitterness rolling off your tongue. You didn’t care how harsh they sounded. You didn’t care about anything anymore except getting away from this suffocating stupid place. Before he could say anything else, you made your move. You pushed past him with all your strength, chest hurting with the urge to feel something other than this suffocating mess of emotions and confusion.
Your hands shook as you fumbled for your keys. You managed to unlock the door, sliding into the driver’s seat, the cool leather biting into your skin.
You needed to think. But all you could think about was that one, terrifying realization: you might be pregnant.
Your breath hitched, terror swirling around your chest. The calendar app was still open on your phone, the dates staring back at you like a flashing red warning sign, daring you to confront the truth you’d been ignoring. Two months. Two months without a period. And you hadn’t even noticed. You pressed a hand to your stomach again, heart pounding as if it was trying to escape your chest. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not like this.
You weren’t thinking clearly—shit, you weren’t thinking at all, but you couldn’t stay here. Not with Topper trying to baby you, not with him out there, living his best life like you didn’t even exist.
You turned the key, the engine roaring to life, and just as you gripped the wheel, ready to peel out of the driveway, Topper bolted in front of the car, planting himself right there like some kind of human roadblock. Fucking idiot. His arms were stretched out wide, like he could somehow stop you by sheer willpower.
“You’re not doing this, I swear to God, you’re not!” he yelled, his voice frantic, echoing off the dark street. He looked panicked, pleading even, like he was convinced you’d actually go through with it.
You gritted your teeth, eyes narrowing on him through the windshield. “Top, I swear, you have three seconds before I run you over.”
“Are you serious right now?” he yelled, his voice cracking with disbelief. But he didn’t move. “You think I’m letting you drive like this? You’re out of your fuckin’ mind!”
Your fingers gripping the wheel so hard it hurt. You weren’t bluffing. You were too wound up, too out of control. The only thing keeping you from flooring him was the fact that, deep down, you knew your cousin didn’t deserve it.
You just needed to get out of here.
“Move!” you screamed, “I’m not joking’, Topper. Get the fuck out of my way!”
His face twisted with frustration as he looked over his shoulder, something catching his attention. He started waving, yelling at someone, his voice cutting through the night, “Rafe! Dude, get over here!”
Your brain stopped. It was like everything had been sucked out of you. Your hands froze on the wheel, your entire body locking up as you looked to your right and saw him—Rafe. Right there in the yard.
And she was with him. He had his arm draped around her casually, like she belonged there.
Like he belonged there, just standing in the open, so stupidly comfortable in his new life. His head turned when he heard Topper call out, and your eyes locked for a less than a second. A moment too long. A moment that broke something inside you.
While Topper was distracted, his attention on Rafe, you made your move. You slammed your foot on the gas, tires screeching as the car lurched forward, swerving just enough to dodge Topper’s stunned figure. You heard him yell after you, but his voice faded into the background noise as you sped away.
You didn’t look back. Not at Top, not at Rafe.
The only thing you could hear was the sound of your own heartbeat pounding in your ears, drowning out everything else. You hated this. Hated that you were crying. Hated that you’d let yourself get to this point.
“God, what is wrong with me?” you muttered, your voice quavering as the words tumbled out. “Why the fuck am I crying over him? I shouldn’t be crying over him.” You slammed your palm against the steering wheel, angry, disgusted with yourself.
You’d told yourself you were stronger than this—that after everything you’d been through, you didn’t need him or anyone else. But here you were, falling apart like some pathetic excuse of a mess because of him. Because he had always been there, hadn’t he? After the crash, after you lost everything, he was the one constant, the one person who kept you from completely losing it. You’d relied on him so much. Too much.
“Fuck,” you hissed, tears streaming down your face. Your throat burned as the memories came flooding back, memories of all the nights you’d spent together, of him holding you while you cried yourself to sleep, of the way he’d pulled you out of the gloom when you thought you’d never get back up again. You thought he’d always be that person for you, the one who understood your broken pieces because he had his own. You’d always fit together perfectly.
You pulled into the parking lot of the nearest drugstore, your hands still shaking as you put the car in park. The tears had dried up on the drive over, replaced by a cold determination. You didn’t want to be here. Didn’t want to even think about what you were about to do.
The moment you stepped out of your car and into the harsh fluorescent lighting of the drugstore, you felt completely out of place—like a stranger in your own skin. You hadn’t even thought about how ridiculous you must’ve looked until you caught your reflection in one of the store’s glass windows. Your hair, still perfect from earlier, framed your face in soft waves, and your makeup was flawless, despite the crying. The designer dress you were wearing—sleek, red, and worth more than half the shit in this store—with its sticky floors and white lights, it made you feel like an alien. Like you didn’t belong.
You caught the eyes of a couple of people loitering outside the entrance as you walked in, their stares lingering a little too long, murmuring to each other behind smirks. You knew they were talking about you. They always did, kook queen, overdressed, out of touch, bitch, whatever they wanted to call you.
The sliding doors let out a grating beep as you entered, and the air inside was stale and heavy, reeking of floor cleaner and cheap perfume. You adjusted your grip on your purse, strutting past the aisles with your head high even though everything inside you felt like it was falling apart.
You always did this—dressed to kill, head up, like armor. But there was no real glamour in buying pregnancy tests from some random pharmacy in the middle of the night. No way to mask the deep, growing hysteria in your bones.
The girl behind the register clocked you the second you stepped up to the counter, her eyes dragging over your like she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing. You could almost hear her thoughts: What the hell is someone like you doing here?
You didn’t even look at her. You just wanted to pay and leave without a scene. But of course, people always found a way to make things worse. She hesitated before scanning the tests, looking like she might say something. For her own good, you prayed she didn’t.
You threw the money on the counter before she could open her mouth, two crisp hundreds on top of the total. The cash hit the counter with a sharp thwap and you gave her the bitchiest look you could muster. “Take it. Keep your fucking mouth shut.”
She swallowed hard, her hand trembling as she slid the bills into the register. You didn’t care that she was young or nervous. You weren’t here to make friends. You weren’t here for anyone’s sympathy. The extra money would make sure she didn’t talk, that was all that mattered.
You walked out, your heels clicking against the linoleum, head high, even though every nerve in your body screamed for you to disappear. You slid into your truck, slamming the door shut, the silence finally hitting you. For all the designer clothes, the makeup, the money—none of it meant shit right now. You felt so small. So scared. Terribly lonely.
You sat there for what felt like forever, staring at the stupid bag in the passenger seat like it had the power to ruin your whole life—which, to be fair, it kind of did. You didn’t know what the fuck you were going to do. Not about any of it.
Your foot tapped nervously against the floor mat, the sound too loud in the quiet car. The bag crinkled as you glanced at it again, your stomach twisting all over again. A bunch of pregnancy tests. How had it come to this?
Rafe. You squeezed your eyes shut, willing yourself not to think about him, not to picture his face when he found out. If he found out. Shit, what the hell was he going to do? He was with Sofia now, right? So was this going to ruin his life too? Did he even deserve to know?
It was probably nothing, you told yourself. Maybe the separation anxiety had gotten to you. Maybe your body was just fucked up from all the stress. Maybe your period was just late because you’d been so all over the place lately. There could be a million reasons. You didn’t even want to think about what would happen if it wasn’t nothing.
You didn’t want to cry anymore. Not after all of this. Not over Rafe. Not over your life turning into some fucking soap opera you didn’t even want to be a part of.
The second you were inside your house, the walls closed in around you. Your perfectly decorated place—the one you’d spent so much time making into a refuge, an escape—it didn’t feel like that anymore. Every designer pillow, every carefully chosen piece of art, mocking you.
Your phone buzzed in your bag, you reached for it. Of course, it was Rafe.
“I don’t know what the fuck that was but save the fucking dramatics, okay?”
The nerve. The fucking nerve of him to act like he was the center of your universe, acting like you were some inconvenience. Months of silence and this was the first thing he decided to text you? Knowing how much you despised when people called you a drama queen? Fucking piece of shit.
Your fingers hovered over the screen, a thousand different responses running through your mind. You wanted to tell him to shove something up his ass. But you did the only thing that felt right in that moment.
You blocked him. You stared at your phone, half expecting it to buzz again, half dreading that it wouldn’t. It was done. You cut him off, at least in that tiny, virtual way. You sat there for a minute, gripping the phone, trying to remember how to breathe.
This was supposed to feel empowering, right? You told yourself it would. That cutting him out would help you get back some control. But your mind wouldn’t settle. Those damn pregnancy tests were sitting in the bag next to you.
You were tired.
Exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with how late it was or how emotionally spent you were. You kicked off your heels, letting them clatter against the hardwood floor as you sank into the plush couch. Your house felt cold and unwelcoming tonight. Like a showroom. No comfort to be found. Not here, not in the muted tones of beige and white. Not in the sleek lines of furniture that were supposed to exude elegance and sophistication.
Maybe tomorrow you’d feel differently.
Maybe you’d wake up with a clear head, ready to take the stupid tests. Maybe you’d be strong again like you’d been so many times before.
Tonight, you were just tired. You leaned back against the cushions, closing your eyes for a moment, willing the noise in your head to quiet down. Sleep. That’s what you needed. Just a few hours to clear your mind, and in the morning, you’d deal with everything.
All of this would go away.
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Can you write something about Jacaerys velaryon x targaryen wife reader
Where she gives birth to a baby that looks like jace and it bothered alicent but they don't care? :3
Saving Face (Jacaerys Velaryon x Targtower!Reader)
(a/n): i’m sorry this request took over a year but my, what a great idea! i hope you like it
word count: 3.0k
summary: with what was supposed to be a happy moment in the new chapter of your family with jacaerys, only wounds linger when your mother is unhappy with your child's appearance.
warnings: slight angst, family tensions, complicated family relationships, implied incest (the targaryen way), not alicent hightower friendly
request status: OPEN
The joy of his newborn child is nearly eclipsed by the fear that his beloved would be called to face the same humiliation his mother endured upon his birth.
Even in distress, his beautiful wife still looked otherworldly silver hair spun in gold, and with her pale lavender eyes, he would not have that ginger sucker of joy to rob him from this life changing celebration. His relief that his beloved survived the precarious birth, worried about her lithe frame and the prostration it weighed on her during the pregnancy.
His little boy, his beloved son, a fragment of the other half of soul and his own. He is perfect, with his ten little toes and fingers, and he is all his.
Jacaerys is thankful his mother was in the birthing room with him and his wife, breaking protocol (as always) to be with the mother as she went into labour. Without her, he thinks he would’ve been hysterical and lost his mind without her guiding hand and comforting presence in seeing Y/N in distress.
“Where is my mother?” Y/N cradles the babe to her breast, as he suckled in his mother’s warmth and he feels his heart drop to his stomach as her face contorted in disappointment.
The child yearned for nourishment, and the midwives guided the young mother so she could feed the child with her milk.
The Dowager Queen remained unyielding even as her step-daughter arose as Queen, and she was still given some privileges even with her dispute with his mother. The marriage of Jacaerys and Y/N, her youngest daughter, was made as a desperate attempt to patch the two sides together and make peace as his mother sat on the Iron Throne.
Her mother attended the wedding, wearing a dark muted forest green that still appeared obsidian in certain angles, but the flame patterns could not be missed on her gown.
A mockery indeed as if she did not accept his mother’s ascendance to the throne and wanted her small rebellions in forms of cloth, he would not grant her the satisfaction of his reaction, for the sake of the realm and his wife, her daughter. It would be too scandalous to do so.
When his beloved was called abed, all pretense of dignity and calm collapsed underneath him. Whatever confident front he had broke apart as fear consumed him, sweat dripping from his forehead, hands shaking, heart beating wildly as he realized his wife was to cross the barrier between life and death to birth their child.
Seeing Y/N’s clean white robes stained the bed in scarlet as she quickens and the pain increases as the babe nears reminds him of the chills whenever he walks the path from the princess’ chambers to the queen’s, the same path forged in blood when his mother then Princess Rhaenyra, the crown princess and heir to the Throne, had to face the humiliation called upon by her stepmother, now Queen Dowager Alicent.
His blood boils when he sees the auburn former queen walk that path meekly nowadays on her way to see her daughter, as if it was all an act when she had pulled rank and caused so much suffering to his beloved mother. Jacaerys fears his wife, now the Princess of Dragonstone will have to walk those same halls, perform the same walk of shame and mummery with all the courtiers of the Keep to bear witness.
There is no possibility he will allow her to endure the same, he would bring fire and blood to all of Westeros shall she have to face that, yet it brings him relief when he reminds himself that woman is no longer Queen but his mother is, Queen of her own right and first of her name, and yet all the same, that woman is also his mother-in-law, mother to his darling. And grandmother to the child that shares his blood.
Jacaerys never left the side of his wife even when her birth continued onto the hour of the wolf, his hands intertwined with her own, assuring kisses on her temple and cheek and encouraging her when she would cry she wanted to relent. Across from him stood his mother, whose locks resembled her half sister and his wife, an experienced mother who has felt such joy and such sorrow too, with a maternal comfort gained with experience.
He would not allow a woman filled with hate to the brim in her heart to rob him of the joys of fatherhood and the relief of his wife safe and sound after such birth to their babe. Jace felt relief like no other when he began to see the dark haired head of the child crowning, and the guttural, final scream she exerted as the child exited her womb.
Jacaerys comforted and whispered assurances of gratitude and encouragement to his lady wife, that she be reminded how grateful he was of her efforts to grow their family, of her devotion and love for him, and fulfilling her duty with nothing but grace, peppering kisses all over her flushed face.
As he caressed the fine hair of his child much like own while he fed from his mother’s breast, his elated expression dropped as if in a chilling reminder when she asked for her mother. As despicable as that woman was, he could not deny her wishes if it brought her reprieve. Jace smiled and promised her that she would be coming and has been informed of the birth of her new grandchild.
When Y/N was beyond earshot, he approached the young midwife with a hardened gait, grinding through his teeth. “If the Dowager Queen wishes to see the prince, she will make her way here herself. She can walk, can she not?!"
While his wife was preoccupied and in isolation during the last few months of the pregnancy, Jace had made efforts to convince his mother to move the Lady Alicent to the second floor below the palace where the current royal family lived. “To remind her of what she’s done to us and may feel the pain we have endured.” He told Queen Rhaenyra, who was hesitant but accepted afterwards.
Jacaerys marched his way outside the ornate doors where his wife and their babe rested, raising his chin and standing with his chest puffed out, a cold indifferent expression, back straightened and fists clenched white as his wife’s mother made her way up the stairs with difficulty.
In the years since her queenship, the then young queen had begun to develop striking pain all over her body, especially down her spine and legs no matter what the maesters or foreign healers would advise. Jacaerys thought it was fitting for when he would make his mother walk up with him and his newborn siblings, bleeding across the hallways and staircases due to the green queen’s attempt to humiliate them.
Perhaps he is his mother’s son, as diplomatic, gracious, intelligent and cunning as he may be, grudges linger.
He could hear a pin drop as the auburn haired woman nearly stumbled down the final stairs and tripped over her gown, with a few septas rushing over to assist her but he showed no commiseration.
The doors swung open as Alicent limped towards her daughter’s bedside, slightly softening in consolation her daughter was safe in childbirth and the child was kicking like a goat.
“Praise the Mother, my girl.” She brushed her blood-smeared fingers over her silver hair shakily, whispering. He did not miss the glimpse of disappointment when she noticed the dark brown hair of the child, even when the boy had her pale lavender eyes.
Alicent cleared her throat, avoiding the gaze of those around her. “I see that the prince strongly resembles his father.”
Jacaerys’ eyes narrowed in suspicion, instinctively reaching towards the pommel of his Valyrian steel sword. “Is that supposed to be a problem, Dowager?” He stomped forward, hovering above his wife and child.
“Not at all, my prince. He is a handsome boy-”
Queen Rhaenyra noticed the tension beginning to develop and interrupted with a smile. “She means no ill, Jacaerys. Merely an observation.”
“An observation?! She wished to have us named as bastards to replace you as heir with one of her spawns and humiliate you.” He raised his voice, accusatory at his mother’s former adversary, and he could feel Lucerys next to him, pulling him away to calm him.
His wife Y/N, exhausted and delirious from the birth, began to grow pale and overwhelmed from the commotion around her, just as her babe broke out in tears and wailed. The Queen ordered everyone but Jacaerys to exit the room and give the family their space. The door shut with a thunderous thud.
…
Hours later, the midwives finished cleaning up the afterbirth, bathed and cleaned the lady and the child before they both fell asleep in new linen sheets and fed.
Jacaerys never left his young family’s side, despondent he had lost his cool, distressing his family during a vulnerable moment, turning what should have been a celebration into an altercation.
He cringed as he could only imagine what the murmurs and whispers about his behaviour and the events that followed with his wife’s mother would share about him. He had brought this upon himself and his family.
AS Y/N began waking from her first rest since the labours, he turned to her as soon as he could hear her rise from her sheets, reaching for her hands in his.
“I have failed you, wife. I should have protected you but I have only raised in anger over old wounds and created altercations when I should have.” Jacaerys felt his tears brim, cheeks red with ignominy and shame.
Her eyes fluttered awake, still weary from the long delivery but visibly more rested already. She shook her head in understanding with an enervated sigh.
“I understand your relationship with my mother has been tense, for what she had done to Her Grace and your family. But I can assure her she has changed, if she is not with me, she is on the knees at the Sept begging for forgiveness and giving alms-”
“She looked at our son the same way she used to look at me and my brothers as children, when she would use her tongue to call us bastards! I fear she will do the same to you and the boy. What good will alms do if she still wishes to see me and our son six feet under ground for the colour of our hair!?” Jacaerys exclaimed, lips quivering in fear as he felt tears brim in his eyes.
Y/N brought their son closer to her arms, only comforted by the sight of her child and her beloved.
“I will handle her, trust me. She thinks I do not pay attention to these things, but I do.” She reaches her free hand to his, unmoving to not wake the babe and squeezes his larger palms into her own.
Jacaerys sniffles, wiping his tears with his sleeve. “I do not wish to drive you apart from your mother, my love. I only worry about you and our family’s safety, and the throne. That you and our son may not suffer on my behalf.”
Their son had just begun to fall asleep in her arms, and she began bouncing him instinctively, quickly gaining the ropes of what it took to be a good mother. Jacaerys knew she would be nothing like her own mother, eagerly learning from his mother Queen Rhaenyra, speaking with other royal and noble mothers and even listening to wet nurses and nannies on how to rear children best.
“Are you sure you can handle this conversation? Would you like me outside or in the room with you?” He asks with uncertainty, not entirely confident with his wife even with her own mother.
The wife of the heir to the Iron Throne and Princess of Dragonstone nods fiercely. “You forget I am a dragon too. We do not bow to these snakes that suck from their prey.”
…
In the overmorrow on the first day of spring, Y/N had just put her son in his cradle, handcrafted in limestone and marble with seahorses and dragons, lined with sheets of silk with pearls and aquamarines, befitting the future King, and the scion of Houses Targaryen and Velaryon.
She hummed as she watched him sleep, having gone through feeding him herself to the surprise of the wet nurses she had followed through, unlike most royalty. She swore she would leave nursing and care to others if she had no other choice.
Underneath sat the hearth of the magenta and mauve swirled dragon egg surrounded by pieces of coal, emitting whirls of smoke that signified the life alive in those eggs. The egg was special as it was the first from her young ride, a nervous flighty thing who only managed to hatch when she found out she was expecting herself, rarely only having one dragon when most on Dragonstone laid many.
As she hums old Valyrian nursery hymns from the crypts of ancient Valyrian text retrieved from the tombs of the Keep’s libraries, she recognizes the steps of her mother without a glimpse.
In her jade hued robes, Lady Alicent was quaint yet undaunted to remind the court of her former standing as once the queen who ruled these halls. A black veil hid part of her auburn hair that turned to flames in certain lighting.
Her mother grimaces with a smile that does not reach her eyes, but relief is painted all over her being. “You are well, daughter? I presume so is the babe.”
Y/N curtly interrupts her. “The babe is your grandson, my child when I am your flesh and blood, mother. Most importantly, he is the future heir to the throne, second in line to my husband.”
Alicent frantically fidgets with her fingers, tugging at her old emerald rings in consternation.
“Of course, yes. His name, Aemon, is fitting for a future monarch.” She could hear the strain in her mother’s words, laced with lies. All her life she had learned those sealed with malice and deceit.
“You forget yourself, mother. My husband and my children are of the blood of the dragon, as do I. You do not understand the ways of the dragon, in your jealousy of wanting to unseat my sister and put Aegon on the throne. Your attempts to disgrace and dispossess my future husband and his brothers has brought the Stranger hanging over mine and my own son’s head!” Y/N chides in betrayal, voice tinged with disbelief her mother would do such a thing.
“Y/N-”
“I could not believe you, mother, that you still harbour such ill will after many years. My marriage with Jacaerys should have buried whatever disagreements you may have had with Queen Rhaenyra, but you value imbuing hate and division on this house more than choosing the peace and stability of this kingdom!”
“Your husband and your son are unbecoming of what Targaryen princes are supposed to look like-” The Dowager attempted to reason, but was impeded as her daughter held an imposing hand towards her.
“Unbecoming? Have you not glimpsed into a mirror? You are nothing of what a Targaryen queen should be, a mere second son’s daughter who brought nothing of value to the throne, and only sought discord to advance her family. Who replaced the Targaryen tapestries with ones of the Seven in hopes of bringing your radicalism to the rest of the kingdom!”
Guards barge in the doors of the babe’s nursery, their armour and swords clattering loudly in the quiet hall.
“What is the meaning of this?”
Y/N coldly turns away from her mother, even as she frowned the same way she would. “By order of the Princess of Dragonstone with the seal of approval of the Prince of Dragonstone and the Queen of the Seven Kingdoms,
I order your arrest for treason, and insubordination not only for your past grievances but your efforts to call my son a bastard. You will be stripped of your privileges of Queen Dowager, and turned into a septa who will serve the Seven for all her days.”
The former queen is astonished, struggling among the grips of the soldiers who surround her. “Daughter, you are mistaken, please do not do this to me. For all I have sacrificed for this realm and for your father, you must understand why I am the way I am.” She pleaded on her knees, hands clasped as she cried for mercy.
“No, you have served your ambitions and my late grandsire’s treacherous longing for power and the throne, that you would put the Hightower banners and replace Targaryen customs with the Seven and southern ways, that you would tear the kingdom apart for it. I have given you too many chances, forgiving you and turning the cheek in hopes you have accepted it and at least been happy for me, but I am a fool. I am not as forgiving as my father was to your digressions!”
Y/N paced slowly around her mother, sorrow on her face, but no regret or forgiveness.
“You are lucky I will not be putting you in a cell, because for better or for worse, you are still the mother who birthed me. But you would understand, there is nothing a mother would do to grant protection to her children.”
The princess dazed into the window, grasping onto the rails as she heard her mother being dragged out the halls and stripped of her royal ordinances. She could feel herself biting into her nails nervously after years of no longer doing so.
Jacaerys sauntered carefully, approaching his wife with comfort, rubbing her shoulders and bringing her into his arms, looking down at their son as he slept.
“Was I not too cruel, Jace?” She whimpered, weeping into his arms as she was devastated at whether treating her own kin in such a way was a fatal mistake.
He rests his chin on the top of her head before pressing kisses on her temple. “I understand why this troubles you, wife. As abominable and misguided she was, you still are her blood, her daughter.”
She glimpsed at her son, cooing at him as he quietly sleeps. “As a mother, I want to be nothing like her. My son will never be safe while she is around.”
#jacaerys velaryon imagines#jacaerys x reader#jace velaryon#jacaerys velaryon x reader#jace velaryon x reader#jacaerys velaryon#hotd jacaerys#jacaerys targaryen#prince jacaerys#jace targaryen#house of the dragon scenarios#house of the dragon imagines#house of the dragon headcanons#house of the dragon fanfic#house of the dragon#hotd x reader#hotd imagine#my writing#my work#fyp#house of the dragon x reader
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Scars / Logan Howlett
pairing: dofp!logan howlett x mutant!reader summary: every person has a soulmate. after settling in the future that he saved, logan starts to consider his next mission when a suspicious mark appears on him. word count: 3.2k a/n: good ol'fashioned soulmate AU. this is the first actual fic i've written in a long time so please have some grace. reblogs and replies are super appreciated! warnings: general mentions of logan's past, scars, self-doubt, alcoholism, reader smokes a cigar, mentions of razors, scars, wounds, two uses of y/n
logan masterlist | inbox | full masterlist
It had been a week since Logan woke up in his healed timeline.
For most people, the change would have been dramatic. But Logan was far unlike most people. The initial dreamlike state he was in when he first walked through the mansion- seeing the ghosts he had once known returned to the flesh, unscathed- quickly subsided. Logan had always been a man thrown onto a new path- how he lived life constantly changing to best fit his interests. Now, with his newfound peace he found the most complicated mission of all: what to do with the life he was now free to live?
Even before the sentinels, the battles, the wars- he had always been a man on the run. He was solo, strategic, concise. For a man who was gifted with infinite regeneration, he had solely concerned himself with staying alive. He ate for sustenance, sought shelter for safety, and nursed a bottle to find enough peace of mind to sleep at night.
The professor had once told him that for a person to reach self-actualization they first had to have all of their needs met. Logan had scoffed at the time, assuring the professor that he knew himself just fine. But now, with his problems so solved that they had ceased to ever exist, he wondered if maybe the professor was right.
Who was he? Where did he go from here?
The answer was found in the form of a scar on his hand.
"Well, everything seems to be just fine."
Logan scoffed at the blue man in front of him
"Well it's not." Logan said. "Check again."
Two days after he had come back, a large, circular scar had appeared on the palms of each of his hands. When they hadn't disappeared after two minutes, he rushed to the bathroom and nicked himself with his razor, watching as the wound healed with only blood dripping down his scruff as a remanent of it. Thirty minutes after that he found himself in the lab with Hank, Jean, and the Professor hypothesizing his miraculous marks.
"Logan, the tests came back clear." Jean assured him, leaning against the wall. "Maybe it's time to consider that it's something else."
Logan quirked his head towards her.
"I haven't had a scar in over two hundred years," he reminded her, his voice laced with irony. "I get not one, but two and you... what? Think it's a coincidence?"
Before Jean had a chance at rebuttal, the professor moved to face Logan.
"That's not what Jean's inferring, Logan." Charles reminded him. "We're simply asking that you consider other options. Less... dire options. It could, after all, be a good thing."
"Yeah?" Logan scoffed. "Like what?"
A silence hung in the air.
When Logan had first come to them with news of his scar, the thought had been on all three of their minds. Still, there were a plethora of things that could have caused that. Though, when the tests came back clear and his skin continued to heal from all sorts of abrasions, it felt as if there was only one answer for his seemingly magical scars.
However, none of them were keen on sharing this diagnosis with Logan. One wondered whether he'd handle the idea of his body failing him over fated love.
Hank was the first to speak up.
"Like a soulmate."
Oh that was rich, Logan thought.
Logan wasn't unfamiliar with the idea of soulmates.
Around the time that two fated lovers were destined to meet, there would be a sign for each of them. In some cases they were eyes changing colors, feeling the other's pain, finding their names everywhere they looked. In other cases they were new birthmarks, tattoos, scars.
In some way, the two were inextricably connected.
In his long life he had seen others experience it dozens if not hundreds of times. When the first thirty years of his life rolled around with no one, Logan accepted that he was one of the outliers. He considered it for the best and by now, with everything that he had gone through, the concept of soulmates almost seemed like an old wives' tale.
Logan glanced at their faces. When he realized they were serious, a deep laugh escaped from his gut. There was a lack of light in his eyes that admitted his insincerity.
"So I disappear for a few decades and you all start believing in fairytales?" Logan pulled the needles from his arm, the heart rate monitor going flat as he did. "What a bunch of bullshit."
Jean laid her hand against his chest, urging him back into the seat.
"Logan." She soothed him. "This is a good thing. Scott and I-"
Oh this was real rich.
"Scott and you are... what, huh?" Logan urged. "Soulmates?"
Logan scoffed, swiping Jean's hand from his chest.
"Bet you're so happy with your 'soulmate' and that's why you lead me on, huh? That it? You're happy?" He taunted, a dark laugh escaping him once more. "Spare me-"
"Logan, that's enough!"
The professor's voice echoed against the linoleum walls of the lab, reverberating off of the medical equipment throughout.
"If you want to wallow in your own self-deprivation, be my guest, but spare the rest of us your grief." Charles continued. "I think it would be best if you go back to your quarters and consider the future the universe has offered you."
The energy in the air was thick.
Jean and Hank avoided Logan’s eye contact while the professor’s nearly burned a whole through him.
Accepting defeat, Logan threw his hands up in the air and pushed himself out of his metal chair.
“Fine.”
Soulmates. Logan thought. Who would believe in a thing like that?
-
"It's a pleasure to see you again."
The atmosphere in the mansion was a stark contrast to the lab Charles had been in days before.
Now the school day had commenced: children skipping from class to class, students chatting with their friends in the hallway, teachers grabbing coffee between lessons. Amidst the organized chaos, Charles had arranged to meet you in the foyer: the replacement history teacher for Logan's class.
"You too, professor." You smiled, reaching out your hand. "I was so glad to hear from you."
Your hand hung in the air briefly, awaiting his return. Charles examined it for a moment- a twinkle in his eye- before taking it. His thumbs brushed against the newfound scars between your knuckles as he did.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't always have these scars, did you, Y/n?" Charles asked.
You had not.
You had woken with them a few days before. Despite your powers rooted in chaos magic, it wasn't uncommon for blemishes or wounds to etch themselves into your skin. However, you often knew why. These marks, scars, were not faint, but instead quite profound. Three thick, healed over wounds patched together like a stitch on the back of each of your hands.
"No professor."
He closed his eyes, a soft smile gracing his lips. Though you knew he wished to ask more questions, the moment was broken by Logan.
"Ah, the man himself." Charles beamed. "Logan, I'd like you to meet Y/n. She'll be covering your class."
You had seen your fair share of news stories about the Wolverine. Who hadn't? Though the television had never prepared you for just how tall, or broad he was.
"It's nice to meet you, Logan."
"You too." He nodded, taking your hand.
His hand lingered in yours for a moment. Charles cleared his throat.
"We were just discussing the most peculiar scar on Y/n's hand." Charles said. "Appeared just a few days ago out of nowhere."
Charles nodded his head in the direction of your hand, leading Logan to squint. As if a light bulb had gone off over his head, Logan glanced between Charles and yourself and with your hand still in his, he turned it examine the back.
Three scars between your knuckles. Right where his own claws would be.
Though he liked to imagine himself as the patron of remaining suave, Logan's eyebrows shot up at the recognition. He traced his view from your hands, up your torso, to your face where you eyed him questioningly.
He thought back to the way that he woke up in the seventies, wrapped in the arms of another woman. If times had been different and Logan hadn't undergone all the so-called character development in the last forty years, he was sure that a face like yours would have gotten him in a lot of trouble. You were beautiful, and your demeanor highlighted your strength.
Your face radiated kindness, warmth and most of all, sincerity- a trait that was difficult to come by in a trade such as his.
But then Logan recalled that this wasn't the seventies and you weren't at some bar leading him on the entire night: your hand was in his and, according to everyone else, he was yours.
The idea almost couldn't register in Logan's brain.
"Interesting, isn't it, Logan?" Charles asked, breaking the silence. "Almost identical to where your claws are, hmm?"
Oh the professor thought he was quite funny.
Logan pulled his hand back from your grasp and shook his head.
"Not that easy, Charles." Logan commented before turning to you, a spiteful tone in his voice. "See you around, bub."
Before you had the chance to open your mouth, you watched as Logan stomped down the nearest hallway, his boots squeaking against the floorboards as he did. His fists clenched and released at his sides as he disappeared from view.
His reaction had come so far from left field that if it hadn't given you whiplash, it would have hurt your ego. Instead you turned back to the professor.
"Was it something I said?" You asked.
The professor shook his head, patting your hand gently.
"Logan's quite a complicated man." He assured you. "I'm sure you'll come to know that more than the rest of us. Now, to your classroom..."
Glancing over your shoulder to the void-like hallway that Logan went down, you considered the professor's words.
-
A storm had taken over the mansion by nightfall.
As you padded down the wood panelled hallways, the lightbulbs shook in their glass with each thunder clap- wind swatting at the window panes every few seconds. The pitter patter of the raindrops, although harsh, was comforting. It was almost as if the mansion had been engulfed by the storm, trapping everyone inside, while consequently making the outside world feel a thousand miles away.
When you found Logan's door, tucked in at the end of the hallway, you knocked.
"Yep."
The weight of the door fell against the palm of your hands as you pushed it open.
Logan's room was dark. The only light in the space had been from the embers of the cigar that hung in his mouth, cradled between his thumb and forefinger. Despite the darkness, you could make out his figure sitting at his desk chair by the window, feet kicked up on the sill.
Logan only gave you a quick glance over his shoulder before turning back to the view.
"What d'you want?"
His voice was thick and rough around the edges.
"I came for your textbooks." You replied, tiptoeing against his floorboards. "The professor said you'd have them."
The hand of his that held the cigar waved around. Minuscule ashes fell to the floor as your eyes remained trained on the light and the faint glow of the moon that illuminated the side of his face.
"Be my guest," he said. "Don’t have a clue where they are."
The professor had given you the lowdown when he saw your scars.
Charles told you that despite everything that you had learned- the history that you had known- the Wolverine you'd meet was not the same person. He was a man from a different time with far different, darker memories and enough baggage to weigh down dozens.
Amidst the silence, you cleared your throat.
"Must be hard to wake up in someone else's life."
By now you had reached his desk, your fingertips tracing the lines in the dark, lacquered wood.
You could smell him and the cigar from this distance- aftershave mixed with smoke.
"The professor tell you that?"
"Mhm."
The chair creaked as Logan flicked his hand towards the window, ushering you to come closer.
Watching your step in the dark, you maneuvered around the furniture and sat beside Logan on his desk- pushing loose papers to the side.
"He give you his whole spiel on soulmates too?" He asked, eyes trained on the rain outside.
Soulmates.
Now that was the last thing you expected to come from the Wolverine's mouth.
You'd heard of them more times than you could count. You once wondered whether every repetitive coincidence was a sign that your person was coming. But, when that never happened, you lost hope.
Who got to tell you who you belonged to anyway?
Leaning over, you gingerly took the cigar from his grasp and replaced it with your own fingers. Sitting back into the desk as lightening struck a tree in the distance, you took a puff.
"So that's what the scars on my hands were all about," You thought aloud.
The window fogged as you let the smoke leave from your mouth in a breathy sigh.
Logan tapped his fingers on his thighs, counting the seconds between a lightening strike and its consecutive rumble of thunder.
"Listen, I'm no prince charming if that's what you came here looking for."
Logan's chair creaked again as he leaned back in his seat. His arm draped against the desk as he met your gaze.
You chuckled and held out his cigar, offering it back to him.
"I came here looking for textbooks." You laughed. "You're the one who keeps talking about soulmates. I think you're more of a romantic than you let on.”
His fingers brushed against yours as he took the cigar back into his own hand. Another lightning strike met the ground in the distance, a clap of thunder following moments afterwards.
"You don't buy it?" Logan quirked his eyebrow. It was a teasing question, one he was curious to hear your answer to.
You shrugged.
"I don't think the universe gets to tell me who to love," you said. "If I fall in love with you it's because I love you, Logan. Not because some mark told me to. I just think of it as... a little shove in the right direction.”
The corner of his mouth quirked into a smile for the first time.
"A shove?"
"Like a... blind date." You finished. "Ever been on one of those?"
A congested laugh escaped him.
"Sweetheart, do I look like the type of guy to go on a blind date?"
You bit the inside of your cheek at the name.
Rolling your eyes, you swatted at his arm. You wouldn't admit how much it hurt your knuckles to do so. You'd have to make a mental note to remember his adamantium skeleton.
"Gosh, you're cocky!"
Logan shrugged, "You're the one who likes it apparently."
You felt yourself grow hot at his accusation.
Even though he had a mark signalling his future affection for you, you couldn't help but feel embarrassed by Logan's knowledge of yours. You felt like a child who's crush had just been exposed to the whole class. Was he noting ever glance that you gave him? The way you didn't move when his arm brushed against yours?
A brief pause hung in the air until another thunder clap reverberated against the walls.
"So what's your mark?" You asked.
Logan shoved the cigar into the corner of his mouth. The biting motion forced him to flex his jaw in a way that you would refuse to admit made you start to realize that maybe the universe was right.
And that maybe his cockiness was justified.
He laid out his hands for you. The room was still dark, making the ability to discern the details of his scar impossible. Taking Logan's hands in yours, you summoned your magic into your hands, watching as they glowed gold.
Logan had two large, circular scars imprinted into his palms. It was a clear indicator of your own magical power that surged from your hands.
It left a feeling you couldn't describe in your chest to know that someone else was marked for you. They were destined for you. To be with you. You had a future written together before the two of you had met. Even if he rejected you, there was a sign etched into his skin that bound the two of you together in some fateful way.
Gently, you traced your fingertips against the mark, feeling the warmth that radiated from his palms.
When your eyes flicked upwards, you noticed how close the two of you were now sitting. You could feel his warm breath against your lips as the lingering smell of the cigar drifted up your nose.
Although he wouldn’t admit it, Logan was enchanted by the energy radiating from you. Whether people hated or loved him, his ability got a lot of talk. In his mind though, he would never be a hero. He was just some guy who got lucky.
You, though? He didn’t need you to tell him that you were an Omega level mutant. Logan had heard about you from the professor: you could cast spells, read minds, reconfigure reality- to name a few. You didn't need a reason to fight for what's right, you just did. Again, and again, and again. Even here, now, you were picking up Logan's history class when he knew very well you could be on the other side of the world sipping pina coladas if you wanted.
What the hell was the universe thinking putting you with him?
Logan admired the reflection of the magic on your cheeks and the way your eyes stayed trained on his palms. Your touch was so gentle he could have sworn he was in a distant dream until your eyes met his.
The two of you stared at each other for a moment, gaze locked.
Then another clap of thunder shook the mansion.
You quickly leaned back, pulling your hands from Logan's touch.
"I should... I should go." You said, pushing yourself off of Logan's desk. "It's getting late and I have my first class in the morning."
Logan leaned back in his seat. He said nothing but eyes remained fixed on your form as you made your way towards the door.
Looking back at him with your hand on the knob you made a mental note to remember the image of him with his feet kicked back on the window as he smoked his cigar.
A soft smile remained.
"Good night, Logan."
When you didn't leave immediately, he nodded.
"Night, sweetheart."
Mustering up the courage to shoot him one last smile, you pulled open the door and stepped outside.
Now, Logan didn't know how much he believed in soulmates, but he could be inclined to consider that it was one good wingman.
Leaning back in his seat, Logan sighed and closed his eyes, letting himself drown out his worries with the sound of the rain.
a/n: my inbox is open for more requests! thank you for the request @welcometochilis585
#wolverine#logan howlett#logan#logan howlett x reader#logan x reader#wolverine x reader#wolverine fluff#wolverine fanfiction#xmen#xmen fanfiction#deadpool and wolverine
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𝙃𝙞𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝘿𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨 | 𝙋.𝙎.
pairing ⇀ brothers best friend! park sunghoon x sister! reader
synposis ⇀ you knew sunghoon ever since you were little with him being your big brothers best friend. what jay didn’t know though, was that you always had a secret crush on sunghoon. despite your feelings, you believe sunghoon doesn’t like you back and sees you as nothing more than his friends annoying little sister. right?
genre ⇀ smut, angst
warnings ⇀ MINORS DNI!!!, the sexual scene doesn’t come for a while, lower case intended, cursing, arguments, crying, partying, drinking, insecurities, sunghoon is toxic, reader thinks about sunghoon a lot, mean dom! sunghoon x sub! reader, eating out, overstimulation (f), blowjob, semi public sex, jealousy, possessiveness, dirty talk, manhandling, minor choking, lying, fingering, name calling (slut and etc.), no protection (wrap up ur hotdog), not cumming inside, lmk if i missed any!
w.c ⇀ 8.0k+
a/n ⇀ was trying to do a drabble but instead made it into a somewhat whole fic cause i got carried away but oh well. this took me a while too make cause i wanted to make it good but i think it ended well ifykyk ;). also, if you would like to be added to my permanent taglist please click here and leave a comment! reblog, comment, like, etc.! not proofread!
masterlist here
you remember the first time you met sunghoon at a neighborhood park. you were five while sunghoon was six. the sun was setting, casting a golden hue over the playground. jay, your big brother, had excitedly dragged you along to meet his new buddy.
you were curious but also a bit nervous. as you and jay approached the swings, you saw a boy standing there with an air of cool detachment. his hands were shoved deep into his pockets, and his eyes seemed to be lost in thought.
"hey, sunghoon! this is my little sister, y/n," jay introduced her with a wide grin, his enthusiasm infectious.
sunghoon barely glanced at you, muttering a quick "hi" before turning his attention back to the ground. his voice was soft but carried a certain indifference that made you feel small.
you felt a pang of disappointment but brushed it off, determined to get to know him better. after all, jay had spoken highly of him, and you trusted your big brothers judgment.
as the years went by, you found yourself attending the same school, even participating in the same extracurricular activities. your crush on Sunghoon grew stronger with each passing year.
you noticed the little things about him—the way his eyes softened when he was lost in thought, the rare smiles he reserved for jay and his other friends, and the quiet kindness he showed when he thought no one was looking. he was always polite to you, but there was a distance, a wall that you couldn't seem to breach.
high school brought more opportunities for interaction, but also more complications. sunghoon became more popular, his cool demeanor attracting a lot of attention. you, on the other hand, remained in the background, content with your small circle of friends and your studies. despite your different social circles, their paths crossed often, thanks to jay.
now that it’s been years of knowing sunghoon, you know how he acts, how he talks, how he reacts, everything about him that other girls wish they knew. but one thing that you’ll never know is his type. you seem to be nothing but jays little sister to him, right?
it was a typical friday evening, and your house was buzzing with the usual energy that came with having your brother, jay, and his other best friend, sim jaeyun, over. they were playing video games in your living room while you silently read a book in the kitchen.
you heard jake screeching about something while jay was shouting nonsense. you weren’t gonna lie and say it didn’t give you fat headache. as you continued reading you suddenly heard a knock at the door. annoyed, you went to go answer it.
you walked past jay and jake and headed towards the door boredly.
as you opened the door, you were met with the sight of park sunghoon, jay's friend, aka your crush. he stood there, looking as cold and distant as ever, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket.
"hey," you greeted him, trying to keep your voice steady despite the way your heart was pounding.
sunghoon barely acknowledged you with a nod before stepping inside without a word.
he didn't even spare you a glance as he made his way to the living room where jay and jake were deeply engrossed in their video game. you closed the door behind him, feeling a mix of relief and disappointment.
you followed him into the living room, where the boys were too focused on their game to notice your presence. sunghoon joined them, his expression remaining stoic as he watched the screen. you took a seat on the couch, pretending to be absorbed in the book you had picked up earlier. but your eyes kept drifting back to sunghoon, watching his every move.
you decided to try to catch a conversation, “hey, sunghoon, do you want something to drink?" you offered, hoping to engage him in some small talk.
he barely looked up from where he was watching jay and jake, "no, thanks," he replied curtly, his attention still focused on your brother.
you sighed inwardly, feeling a pang of disappointment. it was always like this. no matter what you did, sunghoon never seemed to notice you. it was as if you were invisible to him, just another part of the background.
the boys continued their game, their laughter and banter filling the room. sunghoon remained quiet, only occasionally offering a terse comment or a slight sigh. you wished you could be a part of their world, to share in their camaraderie, but you felt like an outsider looking in.
despite your best efforts to focus on your book, you couldn't help but steal glances at sunghoon. Every now and then, his eyes would flicker in your direction, and you would quickly look away, hoping he hadn't noticed. but deep down, you hoped he had.
jake groaned when he finally lost to jay, letting out a frustrated growl, “my finger pressed the wrong button!”
jay cackled and clapped his hands together. sunghoon just stared at them. you noticed how much jay and jake talk compare to sunghoon. but to them, he was like a missing puzzle piece to their friendship.
jay got up from the couch and stretched, “i’m gonna make something to eat. anyone want pizza rolls?” he questioned. jake raised his hand like a kid while sunghoon shook his head. you stared up at jay and nodded.
he went to the kitchen while jake wrapped an arm around sunghoon shoulder, “did you talk to that girl yet?”
you heart dropped hearing that. what was jake talking about? you peeked from your book and watched sunghoons expression. it still remained serious, but you could see a bit of an annoyance.
“i already told you, i blocked her number.” he stated. jake gasped and unwrapped his arm around sunghoon, shoving him.
“what? dude she was your only chance to getting some!” jake said. he threw his hands on his head as if sunghoon broke a promise that was supposed to be kept forever. sunghoon shrugged his shoulders,
“i don’t want a girl that gets passed around.” he firmly said. jake stopped complaining and put a finger under his chin. you on the other hand, was wondering what girl it could be.
jay eventually came back with a plate full of pizza rolls and set them in the table. jake hurriedly grabbed one and took a bite only to whine how hot it was. you giggled and took a bite yourself.
“ready to do another round?” jay spoke. jake nodded and grabbed the controller, loading it to jay. they both sat down again and started a new round.
you noticed sunghoon was staring off in a distance, “everything okay?” you asked. sunghoon flicked his gaze towards you before simply nodding and standing up.
“i’m gonna head to the restroom.” he spoke towards jay. jay nodded his head. sunghoon walked towards the hall that led to the bathroom, shutting the door with a click. you let a little sigh before grabbing your book again and reading. it was worth a shot.
eventually, the boys finished their game, and jay and jake started packing up their things. sunghoon stood up, his expression still unreadable.
he glanced at you briefly, and for a moment, you thought you saw a flicker of something in his eyes. but before you could decipher it, he turned away and headed for the door.
"see you around," he said, his voice cold and detached.
you nodded, unable to find your voice. as he walked out the door, you felt a pang of longing. jay stood next to you eating a pizza roll, “why are you staring at sunghoon like that?”
you snapped out of your daze and glared at him, “i wasn’t staring at him!” you snapped. you turned your heel heading back to your room.
jay watched you go to your room, “were too!” the only thing he heard from you was a loud groan with the door slamming shut.
the morning sun peeked through the curtains, casting a warm glow over your room. you groaned softly, reaching out to silence the alarm clock blaring on your nightstand. it was another school day, and you knew you had to get up. with a sigh, you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stretched.
"hey, sleepyhead! get up, or we're gonna be late!" jay called from the hallway.
jay was always the early riser, and he made sure you were up and ready on time. you quickly got dressed and headed to the bathroom to brush your teeth and fix your hair. jay was already in the kitchen, making breakfast.
"morning," you greeted him, grabbing a piece of toast.
"morning," he replied with a grin, "ready for another day at school?"
you rolled your eyes playfully, “as ready as I'll ever be."
jay chuckled and ruffled your hair. "come on, let's get going."
the two of you drove to school together, chatting about random stuff. as you guys got out of the car, you approached the school. you noticed the usual crowd of girls gathered around sunghoon and jake, who walked through the hallway with their signature known demeanor.
as you reached your locker, jay went off to join his friends, leaving you alone. you stood at your locker, watching the scene unfold from a distance. it was hard not to notice sunghoon, especially when jay and jake were so openly flirtatious with the girls.
jay's charming smile and jake's playful banter had the girls swooning, but sunghoon remained detached, barely acknowledging their presence. as jay and jake still talked with the girls, sunghoon began to walk away from the crowd.
you decided to follow him, curiosity getting the better of you. you kept a safe distance, not wanting to draw attention to yourself. sunghoon's long strides took him to a quieter part of the school, away from the hustle and bustle of the main hallways.
just as you thought you were being discreet, sunghoon suddenly stopped and turned around. your heart skipped a beat as his piercing gaze locked onto yours. before you could react, he closed the distance between you, trapping you against the wall with his arms on either side of your head.
"why are you following me?" he asked, his voice low and teasing.
you felt a blush creep up your cheeks, but you couldn't find the words to answer. sunghoon's proximity was overwhelming, and his intense gaze made it hard to think straight. he leaned in closer, his breath warm against your ear.
"do you enjoy watching me?" he whispered, a smirk playing on his lips.
you swallowed hard, trying to maintain your composure. "i-i was just... curious," you stammered.
sunghoon chuckled softly, his eyes never leaving yours, "curious, huh? be careful, curiosity can be dangerous."
with that, he pushed away from the wall and walked off, leaving you flustered and breathless. You watched him go, your heart still racing from the encounter. what the fuck just happened?
after that encounter you went straight to your classroom, not even bothering to say hi to your friends. you sat at your desk and let out a deep sigh.
did sunghoon meant to do that? you felt your heart beating out of your ears. maybe you were just hallucinating it. the bell finally rang when students started coming in. you on the other hand, decided to just lay your head down for the whole lecture.
lunch came by pretty fast and before you knew it you were on your way to your friend group table. you took a seat while your friends were gossiping about someone.
"did you see sunghoon talking to that girl in the hall earlier?" one of them asked, eyes wide with curiosity.
your friends exchanged glances, sensing your discomfort but pressing on, "they seemed pretty close, like they were having a deep conversation or something. do you know anything about it?"
shakes of heads were viewed until they all looked at you.
you shook your head, forcing a smile, "no, i don't know anything about it."
you felt curious on who the girl could’ve been. knowing sunghoon since forever you knew he’s not the type to start a conversation with a girl first. was it the girl jake was talking about?
you huffed and took a bite out of your food. whatever it was, it wasn’t your problem. but you still had that pang of discomfort in your chest.
the final bell of the day echoed through the halls, signaling the end of another school day. you gathered your books and headed towards the exit, where your friends were already waiting. as you approached, jay pulled up in his car, offering you a ride home as usual.
"hey, you need a ride home?" jay called out. you hesitated for a moment before shaking your head.
“no thanks. i think i'll walk with my friends today." you chimed.
jay raised an eyebrow but didn't press further, "alright, see you later then."
as you walked with your friends, the conversation flowed easily, but your mind kept drifting back to Sunghoon. You hadn't seen him much today, and the lingering thoughts from the previous conversation gossip still gnawed at you. your friends noticed your distraction but didn't comment, knowing you well enough to give you space.
when you finally reached your house, you waved goodbye to your friends and walked up the driveway. the sound of laughter from the backyard caught your attention. curiosity piqued, you made your way around the side of the house.
there, by the pool, were jay, jake, and sunghoon, all three in bathing suits, clearly ready for a swim.
jake noticed you first and waved, "hey, you made it! we decided to take a dip. wanna join?"
your eyes flickered to sunghoon, who was lounging on a chair, looking effortlessly cool and completely at ease. it’s almost as if this morning wasn’t even real. the sight of him in his swim trunks made your heart race, and you felt a blush creeping up your cheeks.
"uh, i left my swimsuit at my friends house," you stammered, trying to keep your composure.
sunghoon glanced up, his expression unreadable, "you can always borrow one," he said nonchalantly, as if your presence didn't faze him at all.
you felt a mix of shyness and frustration. it was clear that Sunghoon didn't share the same nervousness you felt around him, "maybe next time," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.
your brother, ever the peacemaker, jumped in, "no worries. we can just hang out. come sit with us."
reluctantly, you walked over and took a seat on the edge of a lounge chair, trying to act casual. the conversation flowed around you, but your focus kept drifting back to sunghoon.
every time he laughed or spoke, you felt a pang of longing, wishing he would notice you the way you noticed him.
the water sparkled invitingly, and the sound of laughter filled the air as sunghoon, jay, and jake splashed around. you noticed sunghoon moved through the water with such grace, each stroke powerful and smooth.
jay and jake were goofing off, trying to dunk each other, but sunghoon was focused, swimming laps effortlessly. the way his muscles flexed and glistened under the sun made your heart race. you tried to look away, but it was no use. your gaze kept returning to him.
after what felt like an eternity, sunghoon finally climbed out of the pool, water cascading down his toned body. he ran a hand through his wet hair, sending droplets flying. you felt your cheeks heat up and quickly looked down, hoping he didn't notice your flustered state.
but when you dared to glance up, you caught his eye and he gave you a small, knowing smirk. your blush deepened, and you couldn't help but look down, your heart pounding in your chest.
as the afternoon wore on, you found yourself relaxing a bit, the initial awkwardness fading. jay and jake’s easy banter was infectious, and you couldn't help but join in. despite sunghoon's apparent indifference, you cherished these moments.
when the sun began to set, jay suggested ordering pizza, and the four of you moved inside. the atmosphere was warm and inviting, and for a while, you forgot about your worries, simply enjoying the company of jay and his friends.
jay was on the phone, ordering pizza for everyone. the anticipation of the delicious food was palpable, but your mind was elsewhere. sitting so close to sunghoon made your heart race, and you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.
jake, noticing your unease, leaned in with a friendly smile, "hey, are you okay? you seem a bit tense," he asked, his voice gentle.
you glanced at him, trying to calm your racing heart, "yeah, i'm fine. just a bit... hungry," you lied, hoping he wouldn't see through it.
sunghoon, who had been quiet, shifted slightly closer to you. his presence was overwhelming, and you could feel the heat radiating from his body.
he glanced at jake, his eyes narrowing slightly, "she’s fine, jake. Just a little tired, right?" sunghoon's voice was smooth but there was an edge to it.
jake raised an eyebrow, clearly sensing the tension, "sure, man. but you know, talking can help distract from hunger and tiredness," he said, turning his attention back to you, "so, what have you been up to lately? feels like i don’t really see you often." he joked.
you appreciated Jake's attempt to make you feel comfortable, but sunghoon's proximity was making it hard to focus, "oh, just the usual stuff. school, work, you know how it is," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady.
sunghoon's arm brushed against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. he leaned in slightly, his voice low. "you know, you don't have to answer him if you don't want to. we're just waiting for the pizza, after all."
your heart skipped a beat at his words. there was something possessive in his tone that both thrilled and confused you. you glanced at him, trying to read his expression, but his face was a mask of calm.
jake, ever the peacemaker, tried to lighten the mood, "well, i think it's great that we're all hanging out together. it's been a while since we had a chill night like this," he said, giving you a reassuring smile.
jay finally hung up the phone and rejoined the group. "pizza's on its way! should be here in about thirty minutes," he announced, plopping down on the other side of jake.
the conversation flowed more easily with jay back, but you couldn't shake the feeling of sunghoon's eyes on you. every time you laughed at one of jake's jokes or responded to his questions, you felt sunghoon's gaze intensify.
finally, the doorbell rang, signaling the arrival of the pizza. jay and jake jumped up to get it, leaving you alone with sunghoon for a moment.
he took the opportunity to lean in closer, his breath warm against your ear, "you know, i wouldn’t talk to jake so much, he always does that when he wants to get into girls underwear’s." he murmured, his voice low and possessive.
your breath caught in your throat, and you turned to face him, your eyes wide, "sunghoon, we're not... i mean, we're just friends," you stammered, unsure of what to say.
he smirked, his eyes darkening, "maybe, but that doesn't mean he won’t do anything to you. just remember that," he said, his hand lingering on your arm for a moment before he pulled away.
jay and jake returned with the pizza, breaking the tension. as you all dug in, the atmosphere lightened, but you couldn't shake the feeling of sunghoon's emotions. it was confusing and thrilling all at once.
jake was already scrolling through the movie options, "How about this one?" he suggested, landing on a popular action film.
“sounds good," everyone agreed. they settled in, grabbing slices of pizza and filling their cups. the room was filled with the sounds of chewing and occasional laughter as they watched the movie.
as the movie progressed, you felt a gentle touch on your hand. you glanced to your side and saw sunghoon's hand lightly brushing against yours. your heart skipped a beat, and you quickly looked away, trying to focus on the movie. but the warmth of his touch lingered, making it hard to concentrate on anything else.
when the movie finally finished and every slice was gone, jake and sunghoon decided it was time to head home. jake and sunghoon were getting ready to leave.
jay was in the kitchen, cleaning up the remnants of their pizza night, while you stood by the door, ready to bid them farewell. jake was the first to step forward. his smile was warm and genuine as he reached out for a hug.
"thanks for having us over. It was a great night," he said, wrapping his arms around you in a friendly embrace. you hugged him back, feeling the comfort of his presence.
as you pulled away, you noticed sunghoon standing a few steps behind jake, his expression unreadable. his eyes were fixed on the floor, and he made no move to step forward. there was an air of detachment about him that seemed out of place.
“goodnight, sunghoon," you said, hoping to catch his eye. but he didn't look up. he simply nodded once, almost imperceptibly, and turned to walk out the door without another word. the door closed behind him, leaving you standing there, confused and a little hurt.
jake noticed your puzzled expression and gave you a small, reassuring smile, "don't worry about him. he's probably just tired," he said softly, patting your shoulder before following sunghoon out the door.
you watched them walk down the driveway, jake's easygoing stride contrasting sharply with sunghoon's tense posture.
the night air was cool, and you shivered slightly, not entirely from the cold. you couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. sunghoon's silence and his refusal to say goodbye gnawed at you, leaving a lingering sense of unease.
jay came up behind you, drying his hands on a dish towel, "everything okay?" he asked, noticing your troubled expression.
“i’m not sure," you replied, still staring at the spot where sunghoon had been standing, "sunghoon didn't say goodbye. he seemed... different."
jay frowned, looking thoughtful, “maybe he's just got something on his mind. you know how he can be sometimes."
“yeah, maybe," you said, though you weren't entirely convinced. theimage of Sunghoon's emotionless face stayed with you as you closed the door and locked it for the night.
as you headed to bed, you couldn't help but wonder why sunghoon decided to act like he cared about you and then act like he didn’t care anymore. you hummed and slowly closed your eyes before falling asleep.
The morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across your room. you stretched and yawned, feeling the remnants of sleep leave your body. it was time to start your usual morning routine.
you got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. after a quick shower, you brushed your teeth and combed your hair, feeling more awake with each passing minute.
dressed and ready for the day, you made your way to the kitchen to grab a quick breakfast. as you poured yourself a bowl of cereal, you heard footsteps approaching. turning around, you saw jay entering the kitchen, looking as relaxed as ever.
“morning jay," you greeted him with a smile.
“morning," he replied, grabbing an apple from the counter, "hey, just so you know, i'm gonna be hanging out with jake today. he was complaining about how he needs new shoes.”
you nodded, taking a bite of your cereal, "cool, sounds fun. what about sunghoon? isn't he coming with you guys?"
jay shook his head, a puzzled look crossing his face. "no, he said he didn't want to go. weird, right? he always hangs out with us."
you frowned, feeling a twinge of confusion. sunghoon was usually the first to join in on any plans with the group. "that’s strange. did he say why?"
jay shrugged, taking a bite of his apple, "nope, he just seemed off on call. maybe he's got something else going on."
you couldn't shake the feeling that something was up with sunghoon. determined to get to the bottom of it, you decided to check in on him later. for now, you finished your breakfast and went about your day, the mystery of sunghoon's behavior lingering in the back of your mind.
after breakfast, you tidied up the kitchen and headed out for a morning jog. the crisp air and the rhythmic sound of your footsteps on the pavement helped clear your mind.
returning home, you took a quick shower and changed into comfortable clothes. you decided to text sunghoon, hoping to get some answers.
Y/n: Hey Sunghoon. Everything okay? Jay mentioned you weren't joining them today.
minutes passed without a response, and you grew more anxious. you tried to distract yourself by diving into a book, but your thoughts kept drifting back to sunghoon. finally, your phone buzzed with a message. it was Sunghoon.
Sunghoon: I’m fine.
his reply was short, almost dismissive. you knew sunghoon well enough to sense that something was off. you couldn’t decide to think anything better than pay him a visit.
you grabbed your keys and headed to sunghoon's place. the walk wasn’t that far with him living in the same neighborhood. as you finally got to his house you felt a sudden nervousness.
as you approached his door, you hesitated for a moment before knocking. a couple seconds the door opened, sunghoon opened the door, his expression one of confusion and mild annoyance.
"what are you doing here?" he asked, his tone colder than you expected.
“i was worried about you," you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "you didn't hang out with jay and jake, and you seemed distant when you texted me. what's going on?"
sunghoon's eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest, “why do you care? it's none of your business."
you felt a pang of hurt at his words, “of course, it's my business! we're friends, and friends look out for each other. you've been acting strange lately, and i’m worried."
“well, maybe you should mind your own business," sunghoon snapped, his voice growing harsher. "i don't need you or anyone else telling me what to do."
your confusion turned to frustration, “why are you being like this? i'm just trying to help you!"
sunghoon's expression didn't soften, "i don't need your help. just leave me alone."
anger flared up inside you, and you couldn't hold back any longer, "fine! if you want to be a jerk, then be a jerk! but don't expect me to keep worrying about you if you're going to treat me like this."
sunghoon's eyes flickered with something you couldn't quite place, but he didn't say anything more. he simply turned and walked back into his house, leaving the door open just long enough for you to see that he truly didn't care.
feeling a mix of anger and sadness, you turned and walked away from sunghoon's house. when you finally arrived back home, you saw jay standing outside, waiting for you. he looked concerned as he approached.
"are you okay? where were you? you could at least text me where you’re going." jay asked, his voice gentle.
you didn't even look at him as you brushed past, "i'm fine," you muttered, not wanting to talk about what had just happened.
jay reached out to stop you, but you pulled away, needing some space to process everything. you went inside, leaving jay standing there, knowing he was worried but unable to face another confrontation.
the sun slowly settled down, and you were curled up on the couch, flipping through channels but not really paying attention to anything. your mind kept drifting back to the tense encounter with sunghoon earlier.
just then, jay burst into the living room, excitement radiating off him, "there's this party tonight. you should come with me. you could meet my girlfriend finally.
you looked up, not really feeling the party vibe. "i don't know, jay. i’m not really in the mood for a party tonight. maybe i can meet her after?
he gave you a knowing look, "come on, it'll be fun! plus, i heard sunghoon's going to be there. maybe we can ask him why he was acting weird."
you heart skipped a beat at the mention of sunghoon. despite the argument, you couldn't deny the feelings you had for him more than your anger.
maybe this party could be a chance to make things right, "sunghoon's going to be there?" you asked, trying to sound casual.
jay nodded, a smile playing on his lips, "yep. so, what do you say? are you in?"
you hesitated for a moment before nodding, "alright, i'll go. but I need to get ready."
jay grinned, "great! we've got a couple of hours, so take your time."
you rushed to your room, heart racing with a mix of excitement and nerves. you wanted to look your best, hoping to catch Sunghoon's eye and maybe even talk things out.
you rummaged through your closet, finally settling on your favorite outfit—a sleek dress that made you feel confident and beautiful.
you applied your makeup, you couldn't help but think about what you would say to Sunghoon. you wanted to apologize for the argument and explain how much you cared about him. with a final touch of lipstick, you looked in the mirror, feeling ready to face the night.
jay was waiting for you downstairs, and his eyes widened in surprise when he saw you, "wow, never seen you this ready.”
you smiled, feeling a bit more confident, “let's go."
the drive to the party was filled with jay's chatter about who would be there and what to expect. you appreciated the distraction, but your mind kept drifting back to sunghoon. when you arrived, the party was already in full swing, with music blasting and people mingling everywhere.
jay led you inside, and you scanned the room, searching for sunghoon. you spotted him near the back, talking to a group of friends. he was leaning against a wall with a drink in his hand, looking a bit tipsy but still maintaining his usual cool demeanor.
Your heart pounded as you made your way over, trying to muster the courage to approach him.
“sunghoon, can we talk?” you asked softly, stepping closer.
he looked up, his expression unreadable, “what is it?” he replied, his voice a mix of curiosity and annoyance.
you bit your lip, “is it okay if we go to a more private space?” you asked. sunghoon looked over at his friends and said something to them. he then averted his stare to you.
he walked past you without saying a word. you followed him past the loud people and music before going upstairs to a bedroom. he went in first and then with you shutting the door. you faced him and decided to just do it.
“i’m really sorry about earlier,” you began, your voice trembling slightly, “i didn’t mean to upset you. i was just frustrated, and I took it out on you. It wasn’t fair.”
sunghoon sighed, rubbing his temples, “yeah, well, it wasn’t exactly a great conversation.”
you nodded, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. “i know, and I feel terrible about it. I just want us to be okay.”
he stared at you for a moment, and then a small smile tugged at his lips, “you always talk too much when you’re nervous,” he said, stepping closer. before you could respond, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, silencing your apologies.
the kiss was gentle but firm, and you could taste the alcohol on his lips. it was a mix of emotions – his frustration, your regret, and a shared longing to make things right.
when he finally pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours, “i’m not mad anymore,” he whispered, “but i do know what can help you to be forgiven.”
you nodded, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders, “i’ll do anything to make you forgive me,” you said.
instead of saying something, he smashed his lips against yours. you wrapped your arms around his neck. you couldn’t believe you were finally kissing him.
you let out a tiny moan when he gripped your waist harder. he signaled you to jump making you do so. he lead you both to the bed while still having his lips latched onto yours. he set you softly on the bed and kissed your neck softly.
you gripped his locks softly and sighed feeling him go along your neck to your chest. you helped him take off your dress by unzipping on the back. when the dress finally fell slack you felt shyness course through your body.
you tried to cover yourself, but sunghoon gripped both of your wrists above your head. “sunghoon wait-“
he ignored you and rubbed his thigh against your core. you arched your back and let out a loud moan. a smirk tugged on his lips, “sensitive are we?” he teased.
you hid your face in your arm, feeling embarrassed. he traced his fingers alongside your bra before grabbing the strap and sliding it down along your shoulders. you gasped feeling his cold hands fondling your breast.
you whimpered when he flicked it and gripped it harshly, “sunghoon please.” you breathed out. sunghoon clicked his tongue.
“be patient slut.” he snapped. you but back your words and hummed. he lowered his head to your breast, and finally you felt his hot tongue on them. he sucked them hungrily like he’s been waiting to do this for a long time. loud moans and kissing noises were heard.
you squirmed and cried out when he let go of them with a ‘pop’. he took off his jacket and shirt revealing his toned body. you pouted when you couldn’t feel his abs since his hands were still holding you down.
he grinned when he saw you trying to release from his grip, “i told you to be patient didn’t i?” he rasped. you nodded your head, wanting to be good. he chuckled darkly.
you suddenly felt a hand on your core and that’s when sunghoon started rubbing alongside your folds. you let out a squeal when he dipped his hand in your underwear and rubbed your clit.
“sunghoon ahh~” you cried out. he prodded around your hole before slowly dipping a finger in. you felt a shooting pain and tried closing your legs.
“if you can’t take a finger, how can you take my dick?” he asked so casual. you felt your cheeks go red. you slowly tried relaxing, feeling the stretch burn.
slowly, you felt him go in and out causing you to let out a quiet moan. when sunghoon noticed you were feeling good, he added another finger in making you squirm.
soon enough, three fingers were already inside you moving back and forth. your loud moans sounding desperate. you felt your orgasm coming and tried signaling sunghoon. he didn’t stop when you felt your legs shake as your orgasm went right through you.
you let out a desperate breath when he let his fingers slip out. you watched him lick his fingers clean with your cum. you blinked twice and squeezed your legs together. he let go of your wrists and began to unbuckle his belt and slid his pants and boxers down.
you let out a gasp seeing how big he was. there was no way he could fit. he hissed when he touched his dick and let out long strokes. you gulped seeing his pre cum seep out. letting your mind take over you for up and crawled towards him.
he eyes you confused before he felt your smaller hand grip his dick. he let out a groan and threw his head back. you stroked it slowly up and down before licking his pre cum. you hummed at his salty taste.
you didn’t know where your confidence was coming from, just seeing him so open to you had you thinking strange. you opened your mouth and engulfed his dick. sunghoon jerked forward a bit at the sudden warmth and gripped your hair.
“agh fuck, just like that slut.” he groaned. you moaned around his dick and sucked it harshly. his mains turning you on more. as you were about to finger yourself, sunghoon gripped your hair.
“don’t you fucking dare.” he growled. you whined, but didn’t move a muscle. you felt him tensing up indicating he was gonna cum soon and stroked his balls. a few seconds later you felt hot sperm in your mouth.
he let out a drawn moan and slowly let go of you. you took his dick out your mouth and swallowed his cum. he watched you intensely and wiped his cum off your lips. he lifted his fingers towards your mouth. you sucked on them until there was no more left.
he didn’t give you time to speak before you felt yourself being pushed back with your pussy in view for him. you let out a scream when you felt his dick enter you without warning.
he started thrusting into your pussy without giving you time to adjust. your eyes rolled back feeling him deep inside you, “s-sunghoon! oh fuck!” you screamed out. sunghoon just hummed and kissed your cheek.
you suddenly felt another orgasm coming already and wrapped your arms around his neck, “i-i think i’m gonna c-cum.” you stuttered. sunghoon cursed and wrapped his hand around your neck, squeezing it as a warning.
“you cum, i’ll overstimulate you.” he sternly said. you let whined moan. how can you not cum when he’s fucking you so deep? his pace didn’t falter one bit. you felt like it was going to be eternity until he cums.
sunghoon groaned feeling you squeezed around him trying to hold your orgasm. you felt his dick pulsating and before you could let out another word, sunghoon beat you to it.
“cum for me bitch.” he whispered in your ear. you felt your orgasm hit you hard. you mouth fell slack when he took out his dick and stroked it on your stomach until his cum spurred out.
you both let out heavy breathing until sunghoon put on his shirt and jacket. he went to the bathroom and wiped you off before putting on his boxer and pants. he helped you out with your clothing too until you were dressed.
as you both stood there in silence, you suddenly heard someone knocking causing you to jump, “everything good here?” someone asked, it was jake. your eyes widened and you looked over at sunghoon who expression was unreadable.
before you could say something sunghoon went towards the door opening it. jake backed up and looked surprised.
“oh shit, my bad sunghoon. i didn’t know you were in here-“ jake sentence cut off when he saw you behind him, “oh? hey y/n?”
you awkwardly waved. sunghoon looked back at you and turned towards jake. he walked past jake not giving another word out, leaving you there alone and shocked. what the hell?
jake stared at you confused, but you didn’t say anything and went out the room too. you made your way downstairs, but didn’t see sunghoon in sight. as you looked around you saw jay holding hands with a girl walking towards you, “hey y/n! this is-“ “where’s sunghoon?”
jay’s eyebrows furrowed, “oh, uh, i think i saw him leave-“ you didn’t let him finish his sentence and rushed out of the house. you looked around, but didn’t see sunghoon anywhere.
you felt disappointment on your chest and looked to the ground. was he just using you? you took out your phone and looked for sunghoon contact, shooting him a text about his disappearance.
you went back inside the house and told jay you wanted to go home. jay bid his goodbye to his girlfriend and escorted you out to his car.
the whole car ride was silent. none of you guys speaking a word. even when you came back home you left jay in the car and went inside, wanting to sleep.
as you lay in your bed, you sighed and finally let your tears roam free.
you woke up to the soft morning light filtering through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. the events of the previous night were still fresh in your mind, and you felt a pang of anxiety as you recalled what happened yesterday sunghoon. you sighed and stretched, trying to shake off the lingering tension.
as you made your way to the kitchen, you found jay sitting at the table, sipping on a cup of coffee. he looked up and gave you a small smile, “morning," he greeted, his tone gentle.
“morning," you replied, trying to muster a smile in return.
jay studied you for a moment before speaking again, “jake told me you and sunghoon seemed upset about something. is everything okay between you guys?"
you felt a lump form in your throat and shook your head, "i don't really want to talk about it right now," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
jay nodded understandingly, “that's okay. you don't have to talk about it if you're not ready." he paused, taking another sip of his coffee, "actually, i was planning to go to the mall today with my girlfriend and jake. we thought it might be fun to hang out and take our minds off things. would you like to join us? it could be like a double date."
you hesitated for a moment, considering his offer. the idea of spending time with friends and getting out of the house sounded appealing, “yeah, i think i'd like that," you agreed, feeling a small sense of relief.
jay's face lit up with a smile. "great! we'll leave in about an hour. take your time getting ready."
you nodded and headed back to your room to change. as you dressed, you couldn't help but think about sunghoon. you hoped that some time apart would give both of you the space to cool down and reflect on what had happened.
an hour later, you found yourself in jay's car, with his girlfriend in the front seat and jake sitting beside you in the back. the drive to the mall was filled with light-hearted chatter and laughter, and you felt your spirits lift as you listened to their banter.
when you arrived at the mall, the four of you wandered through the stores, stopping to browse and try on clothes. jay's girlfriend, hana, was sweet and friendly, and she quickly made you feel at ease. she linked arms with you as you walked, chatting animatedly about the latest fashion trends she took an interest too.
jake kept the mood light with his playful teasing and witty remarks. you found yourself laughing more than you had in days, and the tension from the previous night began to melt away.
at one point, you all stopped at a café for a break. as you sipped on your iced coffee, jay leaned in and gave you a reassuring smile, "i'm glad you came with us today," he said softly, “sometimes, a little distraction is all we need to feel better."
you nodded, feeling grateful for his understanding and support. just as you were gonna say something, your eyes wandered across the room and landed on a familiar figure.
sunghoon was there, sitting at a table with a girl. they were deep in conversation, laughing and smiling, completely absorbed in each other. your heart sank, a cold wave of realization crashing over you. it felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, and the once comforting warmth of the café turned into a stifling heat.
as if sensing the reader's gaze, sunghoon looked up and their eyes met. for a moment, time seemed to stand still. you could see the surprise in his eyes, quickly followed by something else—guilt, perhaps? the girl with him noticed the change in his demeanor and turned to see what had caught his attention.
you quickly looked away, your heart pounding in your chest. the moment of peace was shattered, replaced by a whirlwind of emotions. you stood up abruptly, leaving your half-finished latte behind, and hurried out of the café, the sound of sunghoon's laughter still echoing in their ears. he’s never laughed like that towards you.
the sight of the girls behind, you knew she had to be pretty with the way her hair looked smooth and straight. her clothes fitting her body perfectly. you felt tears in your eyes after finally knowing that sunghoon was just using you.
you walked briskly down the street, your mind racing. you didn't know where you were going; you just needed to get away. the sound of footsteps behind you made you quicken your pace, but a familiar voice called out your name, stopping you in your tracks.
“wait! please, just wait!" sunghoon's voice was breathless, and when you turned around, you saw the desperation in his eyes.
“what do you want, sunghoon?" you asked, trying to keep your voice steady despite the turmoil inside.
“i can explain," he said, stepping closer. "it's not what you think. she's just a friend, i swear."
“do you think I'm stupid?" you shot back, anger and hurt lacing your words. "i saw how you were with her."
before sunghoon could respond, you heard another set of voices approaching. jay, hana, and jake appeared, looking concerned.
“what's going on here?" Jay demanded, his eyes narrowing as he looked between you and sunghoon, "why have you guys been acting like this?"
“it’s not what it looks like," Sunghoon started, but jay cut him off.
“then what is it?" jay's voice was rising, and you could see the frustration building. "you two have been acting weird for weeks, and now this? i thought we were friends sunghoon!”
jake stepped forward, trying to defuse the situation, "let's all just calm down and talk about this."
but jay wasn't having it, "no, i want to know the truth. are you two...?" he trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.
you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the moment, "there's nothing going on between us, jay. sunghoon and i are just friends. but seeing him with that girl... it hurt."
jay looked at you, his pissed off expression slowly fading slightly, "why didn't you tell me you had feelings for him?"
“b-because i knew you would be mad. and because sunghoon doesn’t like me in that way." you admitted, feeling a tear slip down your cheek. you felt embarrassed and guilty.
sunghoon stepped closer, his eyes filled with regret, "i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you. i should have been honest."
you look up at sunghoon teary eyed. before sunghoon could step closer towards you, jay cut him off, “get the fuck away from her.”
everyone stared at jay in shock. he’s never cussed at any of his best friends, “i trusted you sunghoon and jake to not go after my sister for so many reasons and that’s the first thing you do? until she explains everything to me from a to z, you’re not coming to my house. you’re not gonna speak to me or her until you get your shit together.” he demanded.
he left without a word while hana followed him. jake stared at both of you pitying before following along. you slowly got up and walked past sunghoon. before you could walk away, sunghoon softly grabbed your wrist.
you met his soft gaze, “i’m sorry for everything.” he whispered. you didn’t say anything and left him alone. it was your turn to walk out on him.
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Idk... I see the point and I've said it myself many times. But the fact is, most people who tell themselves "I'll make money first and then follow my passion" never wind up following their passion. Making money has a way of taking up all the space in your life, and it's easy to reach 75 and *still* feel like you don't have enough to feel comfortable. That happens all the time. And then it's too late for a do over.
Listen to the BGR podcast right here.
#my comment#obviously it's tough to make art if you're literally starving#but finding your own individual path is always going to be complicated
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