#again it fits with that post about redemption not being equal to forgiveness and such

[t-u-i-t-c]

the more i think about it the more i actually like daichi

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 1 - living up to its name since it looks to be a series of redemption arcs. Launched with a college confession and a broken friendship, then a flash back to them as seniors in high school. Pairings include friends to lovers, nerd/jock, and maybe cafe boss/employee. There’s a lot going on, but it’s still... quiet and sweet. The script is pretty pat but it’s still WAY more watchable than Cupid Coach or Brothers and most of the acting is solid. Ep 1 tropes included: he’s in engineering, wound tending, fast & bicurious. This could turn into what I wanted My Gear & Your Gown to be. Fingers crossed. 

Love Poison 2 Ep 1 & 2 turns out I did watch and report on season 1 (8 eps), season 2 seems equally unmemorable. Thai countryside setting, strong dialect, incomprehensible plot, camp side characters, and ghastly singing. 

Y-Destiny Ep 1 (eng subs?) - opened with the sports romance enemies to lovers (they aren’t going in the teaser order). When the couple got over fighting, the flirting was v cute, but the flipping SPONGE BATH trope had to rear its ugly head. Still, this series is shaping up to be less coy and more frank than most BL, better than expected. It feels, I don’t know, gay-er or something?  *** Sources were correct that each couple is getting (at least) 2 eps, and MDL has been updated to say this is a 15 episode series (not 7). 

Cupid Coach 12 fin - The new Nite was great and should have been a main all along. It felt like we got a tiny nugget of what could have been in about 10 minutes worth of this last ep. It was way too slow with terrible editing and a criminally bad script, but at least it ended happy. Mostly, like Friend Forever, I’m just disappointed that these two actors were done dirty by the series. Bad Cupid Coach, no screen caps for you. 

Lovely Writer Ep 6 - breaking news, there’s a het couple I like: toppy bi femme + soft boi = such a good pairing! I know, but this NEVER happens. Meanwhile, Sib’s secret is out, Gene is a bit of a drama queen, and the plot thickens. We half way through.  

Brothers Ep 9 - Kaow had a serious moment of advice giving that was truly lovely. Lots of family dama made this a superior episode to... well... any of the others in this series. Which isn’t saying much. 

1000 Stars Ep 10 fin - at the start this series didn’t grab me the way GMMTV’s last BL, Tonhon Chonlatee, did. But boy did it end 1000x better. Might have given us 2021′s best forehead kiss. I enjoyed the ultra romantic cliff-top reunion kiss, and I LOVED the stinger flirting scene. That was an absolute gift we had no right to expect. This drama is a poster child for finishing on a high note (always focus on that dessert course). Final thoughts? This was FAR more a classic romance than it was BL. There were some BL tropes used but not many and most of them originated in the romance genre not yaoi. A picture perfect ending bumped 1000 Stars much higher up my best-of list than expected. Not sure how often I’ll rewatch it as a whole, but this last episode? I’m probably rewatching it right now. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 3 fin - I guess that’s it? Okaaaaay  

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 3 (AKA Ep 5-6) - we got actual legit gay culture not just BL (always appreciated) from XingSi. I’m starting to find LiCheng’s “show them we fucking” hijinks hilarious rather than annoying (not sure why, maybe I just love a rubber chicken, or maybe it was the STUFFED CORN WITH THE TASSEL that did it). 

-- H4 Moment of RANT --

Tropes included beach trip, there’s only one bed, cook for him, baby is a floppy drunk, carry baby to bed, and.... drunk non-con. Whoopdedoo. Here we go again. Did TharnType teach us NOTHING? (Apparently it taught us if the chemistry is good enough, I have no morals at all.) At least H4 seems to be taking us out of cheese into serious when it comes to assault. Or is it? 

I take back what I said last week about XingSi & YongJie being codependency + salvation trope, that only works if YongJie is the uke. He’s NOT. So we got us an obsessive predatory villain with a possible redemption arc. That’s more common in crime dramas, mafia romance, and epic fantasy than BL. It’s real hard to redeem a sexual predator in a reality-grounded universe like contemporary romance (See Kla in LBC1&2). 

Next week is gonna be a test of the whole damn franchise. Imma remind both me a you that this was ep 3 of 10 so we got a ways to go yet... but ooof, what have we wrought, BL? (I ended up doing a whole post about the stepbrother trope because of this sub plot.) Taiwan is killing me.

-- RANT ended --

Word of Honor (China) Ep 19-21 - over half way point so we got ALL the back story (in a classic 4 act story structure midway reveal). Now we know who WKX really is and his lineage. We also got some cute hugs and hand holds. Moving along at a nice clip despite being 36 eps total. Still gayest thing to come out of we-not-gay China since Advance Bravely. 

Most Peaceful Place (Vietnam) Ep 2 - takes them a while to get eng subs together and ep 2 didn’t drop until late. So I’m putting this in a Thurs time slot going forward. Miscommunication already cleared up and a 2nd couple has been introduced. The pacing on these Vietnamese BLs is always a bit... off. But it’s still better than most of its ilk, enjoyable. I’m thinking it’s a 6 ep arc. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 5 - after the initial drama DRAMA of ep 2, the current external crisis at work is much quieter, giving this whole season a top heavy feel. Taken along side the first season, I think it’s fitting nicely into a 4 act structure, but that might be my bias. I hope I’m not wrong, we’ll find out next week. Shi De puttering about being domestic with Shu Yi on his back was the best execution of the piggyback trope EVER. Meanwhile, our little D/s side couple of codependency, salvation trope + mental illness is becoming weirdly appealing. I don’t know. H4 done mess with my head. 

Stand Alones 

Absolute BL AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko  (Japan) Ep 1-4 mini series. Found subs under A Man Who Defies The World of BL. IT’S HILARIOUS. It’s Japan making fun of us, but also itself for having started this whole BL nonsense - from yaoi roots to present day. It’s parody goddamn gold. Utterly cheeky unto the very last line. We are not worthy. 

Apparently the most powerful tropes of all time are: baby is a floppy drunk and the piggyback fo nobility. Oh and chocolate. {Full review here.} 

Honestly, this show may have been made with only @heretherebedork and I in mind. I don’t know if you’d even understand half of it if you don’t have a history with the manga source genre and an obsessive interest in underlying narrative devices. I haven’t seen much chatter in the blog’o’sphere on this one because, in the end, it’s not a romance at all, it’s social commentary. 

The ending line was a masterclass in lampooning a genre. I’m going to rewatch the whole thing just to catch all the digs I missed first time around. It is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. 

Thank you Japan. I forgive you all your hair-styling sins of the last decade. 

Breaking News 

Spring Line Up:

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) April 15th 

Close Friend the series (Thai trailer) April 22. 

2gether the movie (Thai trailer) April 22 to Thai theaters.

Nitiman (Thai) May 7 on One31.

I Told Sunset About You 2 (Thai) May 27 on LineTV

Ossan’s Love (Hong Kong) June to Viu 

Gossip 

Bad Buddies released its first promo op via Arm Share, which means GMMTV is at least *thinking* about filming it. 

Fun behind the scenes gossip sesh with eng subs for Tell the World I Love You (that Perth Bas movie we are maybe getting someday but will likely be sad). 

New Thai BL Bite Me (adapted from novel Grab a Bite) dropped a teaser. It stars Mark Siwat (Kla in LBC) as uke character Ake, a delivery boy with special foodie powers, and chef Eua (seme played by Zung Kidakorn) who discovers him. It’s from the same author as Manner of Death so we might even get some actual plot. Since it’s an established BL actor who I happen LOVE, a known author, and a plot about FOOD, I could not me more excited for this one. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons. Some are dropping multiples at a time but just started so I’m not sure on numbering. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 12

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Let's bring this thing home! It's time for the conclusion of the essay series!

Conclusion With a stupidly long essay series behind us, it's time to look at what we've learned! Let's go back to Part 1 and review what we needed from Van Zieks's character development for a fully rounded redemption arc, shall we?

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke’s biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

And looking at the main game (plus additional dialogue), we have...

1) Antagonistic force:

Etc. etc. I have many of these. We can all agree that as an antagonistic force, he does his job quite well. CEO of Racism and White Privilege in the flesh. It works, since we as the audience get very frustrated and want to see him defeated.

2) Humanization:

Giving him an old friend to be a defendant was a brilliant move, really. Albert's reflection on the friendship and the person Van Zieks used to be really helped flesh him out and make him appear more like a human being with, y'know, emotions and weaknesses. The little snippets of dialogue in his office really help too. Presenting evidence can also lead to fun tidbits. All in all, considering how gruff and distant Van Zieks is, they really did their very best to humanize him. The writers were given very little to work with but they exploited every opportunity to come their way.

OPTIONAL backstory:

Again, I don't think we needed a tragic backstory to have a well-rounded, redeemable character. Still, it ties in very expertly to the game's plot and the motivations of quite a few other characters. The story of Klint van Zieks and his death isn't necessarily Barok van Zieks's backstory, it's the center of an intricate web which also holds Kazuma, Stronghart, Gregson, Jigoku, (S)Holmes, Mikotoba, Sithe, Drebber- I could go on. A LOT. So because of how very integrated it is into the main narrative's recurring themes and characters, I'll give it props for being relevant and well thought out. The bigger question is: Does it justify his immorality? Not entirely. I think the game could have gotten more out of this if they'd involved the other two exchange students in this tale just a bit more. They could have given more attention to how Jigoku's aggressive behavior in the trial impacted Van Zieks, and explained whether he might've suspected Mikotoba of sabotaging (S)Holmes's investigation. If the narrative had done that, all three Japanese people to come to London would have been ‘the bad guy’ in Van Zieks's eyes and it would have given more credence to his racial generalization. They could have also given more attention to how the people around him reacted to Genshin being the Professor, because I'm sure Stronghart and Gregson stoked the fire in terms of xenophobia. As it stands, there isn't really enough there to justify hatred of an entire race as opposed to just one person.

3) Realization/Redemption

We see him already start to realize the error of his ways around the end of 1-5, which is technically only about halfway into the full narrative. Unfortunately, thanks to 2-2 being played afterwards (but chronologically set before 1-5), any progress made in 1-5 can become invalidated in the player's eyes. Growth works best when it's done linear. Don't get me wrong, flashbacking to earlier times when a character is still more morally tainted can work well, but it needs to be executed properly. Barok's behavior in 2-2 is downright insulting towards the audience itself and therefore, it causes emotional friction when relaying the narrative endgoal of redemption. It also makes it extra jarring when we hit 2-3, and suddenly Van Zieks is meant to be relying on the protagonist's desire to expose the truth. How on earth can we as the audience trust that Van Zieks believes in Ryu's abilities when we just came fresh out of a case where this man actively sabotages Ryu's efforts?

Still, the line of redemption continues from 2-3 into 2-4 well enough. He admits that he was wrong- that his hatred was illogical and that he needs to change. This is the very definition of redemption. I need to stress once more this is not to be confused with atonement, which comes next.

4) Atonement

Here it is. It's not enough to simply acknowledge mistakes; one needs to work hard to fix them. Since Van Zieks is the defendant for two whole episodes, equaling roughly 20% of the full narrative and 67% of the time following his first true realization (chronologically), there isn't much that he can actively do to atone. Because remember, not only do these actions need to fit the situation he's currently in, they need to fit his personality. These two limitations ensure the atonement mostly takes the form of dialogue. Of apologies.

One might want to point out that he never apologizes specifically for his racism, but there's a reason for that. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that there isn't a single character who ever uses a word like “racism”, “xenophobia” or even “racial prejudice” in this game. It's for the same reason you'll never see an Ace Attorney character utter words like “alcoholism”, “drug abuse” or “depression”. These things may be implied very strongly, to the point where you'll know for certain a character is suffering from it, but it's never given these exact labels. It has to do with the tone of the game. In Great Ace Attorney's dialogue, Barok van Zieks is only ever described as holding “a deep hatred for Japanese”, which is then the only thing he could apologize for. And he does, so long as you aren't looking for a literal phrasing of “I apologize for my deep hatred of your people”.

Regardless, he can't take more active, decisive action until he's freed from prison and two scenes with Van Zieks later, the game has ended. He still manages to take two actions, though! The first is to publicize the truth of the Professor, taking the blame of the mass murders off Genshin's shoulders (and losing his own privilege in the process). The second is to take Kazuma under his wing as his disciple. I'm not certain there's anything else the narrative could have had him do. What is decisively missing, however, is the following:

5) Acknowledgment

The above aren't good examples of cast acknowledgment that Van Zieks is taking part in a redemption arc, rather, they're the best I could find. Characters are acknowledging that he's changing- that he's being kinder to them and they can get along with him now, but they're not acknowledging that he caused hurt in the first place. This, in my opinion, is the Great Ace Attorney's biggest narrative flaw. I've talked before about how Ryu's reaction to Van Zieks's racism is 'indirect communication', a typically Japanese manner of dealing with negativity. I've also talked about how Ryu is not in a position to speak up, as he's a literal minority who is there to represent his country in an official capacity and can’t afford to make enemies. However, characters like Susato and Kazuma are far more outspoken in their opinions, as is Soseki. The only one who ever calls Van Zieks out on his racism is the British judge, and even that is done very meekly. When an old crusty white guy is the one who condemns white privilege in a cast full of minorities, you've got a problem. The Japanese cast's refusal to acknowledge that Van Zieks's words were harmful is like Team Avatar telling Zuko that sure, he can join since he's a good guy now, but never once acknowledging that he burned down villages or betrayed everyone's trust in Ba Sing Se. There's something very vital missing, see? If indeed the cast had called Van Zieks out more actively on his harmful ways and how necessary it was for him to change, he in turn could have taken more atonement steps in response.

So, for the conclusion: Does Barok van Zieks tick all the necessary boxes for a complete redemption arc? Yes. In a very technical sense, all the requirements are there. But does that mean it's a successful arc? Not necessarily. The game has a few slip-ups, a few things not executed as well as they could have been. For that reason, whether the audience is satisfied with the arc is entirely up to them. Taking into consideration that they had to cram a whole lot of story into just two games- the second game in particular, I can acknowledge they did their very best with the limitations that were there.

And there we have it! That’s all I could think to say on the matter. I hope everyone who read this till the very end enjoyed it, maybe even learned a thing or two. I’m always open to questions, input and constructive criticism!

[nissakii]

Significance of “Madness” in anime

We’ve already established in other posts about significant emotions and concepts in anime or specific media before. The Significance of losing or the one of visuals and metaphors in Haikyuu!! are some of those I would love to mention here, but today we shall delve into a broader topic that goes more along the lines of Makii’s thrilling post about Danganronpa and the Significance of Despair.

Today, our topic of interest is madness.

To ease your mind, in this post we will be talking about the representation of insanity and madness in some anime characters and how that reflects on the story and ourselves as an audience.To make one thing clear, a lot of the times we see overexaggerated versions of unstable characteristics in anime that aren’t realistic.

This is in no way a discussion about actual mental illnesses and not a professional approach to analysing them to our real life standards, but maybe a start to an interesting discussion about how we portray and handle what one may colloquially call “craziness”.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s start!

Artists, and no matter for example if they write or draw, use their platforms to deliver messages in cryptic ways. As humans, we have the innate ability to look at something and consume the facts through entertainment which makes us crave new media to follow and analyse.

We love to question things instead of just taking them as they are, and that is why most writers out there will play around with the perception of their audience.

You may be familiar with the common question that ghosts through your head as you enjoy the latest episode of your favorite anime.

Why did he do that? Is she a traitor? What makes them think that way?

Although one might always do it consciously, we most definitely analyse whatever media we consume and decide for ourselves if it is important enough to keep in mind for future reference.

What the writer or founder of the anime ultimately wants from the reader is a reaction.

No matter what they intend to do with it, if they enjoy the viewer getting excited or traumatised is not of importance, but a reaction is evidently one of the goals. 

And as strong emotions always evoke an even stronger reaction, anime characters are often very idealized and have ideologies that make them want to do one particular thing.

Be it save the world or destroy it, we focus and look at these characters and root for them if they give us a reason to do so. 

Both sides of good and bad can have deeply rooted admiration drawn out of us, and it sometimes doesn’t even matter because the more interesting part is the lovely grey area in between. 

We need a balance of good and bad to enjoy both.

Empathy makes us viewers want to relate to the characters, and if the author gives us the possibility to learn why someone does something, it gets harder and harder to dislike them. That’s why tragic backstories and flashbacks are such an overused tool in anime, because with the extreme behaviour some characters show they also need equal amounts of redemption.

We attach ourselves emotionally to characters depending on our personal tastes as well.

If someone likes and relates to a strong and independent protagonist who would drop anything for the sake of justice, you will find a lot of resembling characters in shounen for example.

On the other hand, if a darker or more obsessive character manages to take over a special place in a viewer’s heart, putting them on a pedestal gets more and more interesting, because you’re not supposed to.

Contrary to that, characters with insane or dark personality traits are often very popular, again tracing this back to human instinct of emphasising with wronged characters and curiously inspecting the fully deranged ones.

As this isn't something that should be put into vague concepts, we’re instead going to look at examples of characters and entities that are seen as ‘mad’ and how they’re interpreted.

It’s not just about villains being unreasonably immoral in this post, as we look into what madness entails and how it's shown, we also have some examples of corruption to look at.

So of course there are the typical evil-thinking evil-doing villains out there. 

Some of them have an actual backstory to make them more realistic and believable, some others are just pure evil. While they are often called mad for their actions to achieve their goal, the reason why they are put into that light is the stark contrast between the protagonist and the villain.

If the protagonist loves to save people and always has a smile on his face, of course he will differ from his counterpart when he finds out that his methods are a bit more vicious.

The protagonist perceives the villain as insane most of the time, but what does the viewer think?

We seek to look not only at characters that are enjoyable to watch, but also try to find similarities between us and them or draw lines in their behavior to understand them better. As mentioned before, empathy plays a huge role here as well, since whatever happens in anime doesn't have actual repercussions, we can forgive characters more easily. 

For example when they are taken by Insanity as a side effect rather than being insane due to trauma, we often get an 'ally turned traitor' trope through hypnosis or brainwashing, which is just as interesting to look at. 

If a person did something horrible under the influence of something they had no control over, are they still to blame? 

Does Insanity only involve a separate entity that comes from evil, or are we also looking at the gradual descent into darkness when life just isn't the same anymore? 

Insane and with no fear: Soul Eater

A great example of how insanity plays with characters be they good or bad is Soul Eater. 

With a premise that one needs a sound mind and body to inhibit a sound soul, we obviously know that people close to becoming Kishin-eggs will have a rotten soul drenched in bad deeds, but what about the good guys? 

In this instance we have a lot of different types of madness and insanity that touches multiple characters at different times, and by far the most drastic would be the black blood. 

The black blood being a synthesized weapon form of blood that can change form and harden into shape, is a weapon made by Medusa and introduced for the first time with Crona. He was melded together with Ragnarök as a weapon and used the black blood in his proficient fighting style. 

Soul Eater as well as Maka and other characters later come into contact with the black blood, and the consequence of the immense strength that comes with it is debilitating madness. 

As explained in the anime, the madness makes one deny the soul of oneself and others and takes away your fear. Now with no fear present, the person exhibits extremely erratic behavior and is not scared to hurt others or themselves.

This is an insanity that shows how essential a person's fear is, shown by Maka in one of the latest episodes when she fights Asura. The fact that she learned how to accept her own fear and realise that humans need it to survive is why insanity in Soul Eater is merely a concept to differentiate between what is human and what is Kishin. 

A Kishin kills and murders with no fear of anything. 

A human protects and masters one's own fear. 

The power hungry insanity: Hunter x Hunter

In Hunter x Hunter we have a lot of characters that don't exactly fit the norm of human action. 

With people like Chrollo, Illumi and even Chimera Ants there is enough crazy to go around. 

Still, the character we shall delve into to look at a different kind of instability is none other than Hisoka Morow.

Yes, in comparison to black blood madness Hisoka is an actual human being with no known influence outside of his own intellect. The contrary to another weapon or entity making someone insane is being shown in this anime.

Hisoka is just insane. 

We have no means to see if there is anything that might have caused Hisoka to be the way that he is, but what we do know is that his character is almost too nonchalant for his own good. 

His goal is to accumulate power and fight others that he seems worthy, as that is what attracts him. No person is spared if he believes he found a worthy opponent he will make that clear to them and pursue them passionately. 

We could rule that the clown is just eccentric, but with the given information from the anime he definitely had some sort of mental difference next to his peers. Harming himself holds no problem to him, and his behavior is deeply rooted only to suit himself. He has no self-preservation except for when he needs to accomplish something, and he even enters the spiders just to get close to Chrollo. 

Now we see a single person carry themselves throughout a story only to achieve one thing: a good fight. 

After having looked at these two examples of insanity in anime, let's look at how that insanity can be portrayed visually. 

A famous way to show someone's psychosis is the “Kubrick stare”. A directorial technique that got named after the director Stanley Kubrick who used a forward tilt of the head with eyes locked onto the camera to show the actors of his movies at their peak of madness. It became a very popular stylistic device and is used still very often in modern movies.

The character is supposed to look menacing, evil-plotting and absolutely unhinged.

Such devices, if used often enough, automatically invoke the message to the viewer.

If you’ve seen the Kubrick stare once in a psychotic character, you will definitely associate it with the same derangement again.

In anime we have a similar thing, and you might be aware of this already.

Familiar with the ‘eye angle just before a character goes insane’ meme?

It’s a running gag that shows multiple characters such as Asura from Soul Eater, Pain from Naruto, Light from Deathnote and Jason from Tokyo Ghoul in a frame where you can only see their eyes and it somehow looks extremely grotesque as if they were looking into different directions with their eyes.

As much as it is a joke, it is a perfect example of something extremely similar to the Kubrick stare used in anime culture. It goes so far that if any anime watcher would see a new character look like in a frame, one would assume they were about to go crazy.

Even Oikawa Tooru from Haikyuu!! was shown with a Kubrick stare in the last moments of the second Seijoh vs. Karasuno game, when his desire to win overtook him with incredible force.

Without loss there naturally can’t be any wins, and without sadness there will be no joy in laughter.

We need the different depictions of what one might call madness, to fill our stories with nuance that relies on our reality.

Be it an unknown entity, hunger for power, lack of fear or the good old fashioned thrive for world domination.

Madness is just another part of what we call life, and to be honest in healthy doses and for effect why not enjoy it in anime?

Now, do you guys know any other characters or concepts in anime that would be worth mentioning? I would love to see them in the comments! 

Until then, stay sane!

-Nissa

[aswellingstorm]

taylor swift x catradora playlist

in honor of evermore dropping tonight (midnight, EST) i humbly present the following by album break down of songs that miss swift wrote solely for catradora

taylor swift (2006)

tied together with a smile--the struggle adora faces being the hero/put on a pedestal from her horde days to becoming she ra

invisible--catra facing jealousy over adora’s new friendships

i’m only me when i’m with you--young catradora/growing up in the horde

fearless (2008)

forever & always-- broken promise. need i say more

white horse-- catra’s resentment for adora’s hero complex

breathe-- mutual catra & adora--struggling to cope with the other choosing the opposing side

you’re not sorry--adora coming to terms w post s3 catra & having to accept her former best friend has gone too far this time

change-- post s1 victory for adora

speak now (2010)

the story of us--princess prom catradora vibes

mean--unfortunately.........could see the best friend squad singing this therapeutically & adora thinking of catra

better than revenge-- ‘stealing other peoples toys on the playground won’t make you many friends//i’m just another thing for you to roll your eyes at honey’....jealous catra really comes thru here

innocent-- feel like this could be applied to adora but more specifically catra losing herself and her innocence in this war/getting caught in the cycle of abuse shadow weaver set her in at a young age

if this were a movie-- adora’s naïve hope that catra might make the right choice one day

haunted-- ‘all this time you and i have walked a fragile line, never thought i’d live to see it break’, easily fits into adora leaving the horde, but def has the angsty vibes for ‘save the cat’

back to december--regret. longing. wishing u could take something back but knowing you really cant

enchanted--ok hear me out. not necessarily a ‘meet cute’ for them, but could def see this song playing at a princess prom post s5 and being a cute look for them over all.

red (2012)

treacherous--post ‘save the cat’, catra learning redemption is....something she Wants

the last time--post-portal. def reminds me of the scene where catra saves glimmer and apologizes to adora

sad beautiful tragic-- break up sadness

the lucky one--more adora becoming she ra/learning the truth of mara

i almost do--catra & adora missing each other on opposite sides of the war

come back...be here--^^

state of grace--end of/post s5

1989 (2014)

out of the woods--i mean..........those ladies entered the whispering woods in s1 on a stolen skiff and did not leave until the end of the series

all you had to do was stay-- aside from the title... “let me remind you this was what you wanted // you ended it// you were all I wanted //but not like this”. def catra yearning

i wish you would--all of the lyrics. all of them

bad blood--warrants no explanation

this love-- “when you’re young, you just run// but you always come back to what you need”......................the defense rests

clean--s4 adora accepting and coming to terms w catra’s decision

wonderland-- really captures the betrayal/hurt of s1 catradora

you are in love-- adora POV// subtle moments leading up to realizing she loves catra

new romantics--”we need love, but all we want is danger//we team up then switch sides like a record changer”

catra’s personal memoir reputation (2017)

i did something bad--a title that could (unfortunately for everyone else) summarize a large majority of catra’s decisions. the song is very justified/righteous anger/revenge. basically a ‘fuck you, i know i’m bad’ & embracing that. reminds me of her kicking sw & hordaks ass (the rebellion could never) and her just...war criming it up in the crimson waste

Look What You Made Me Do-- void!catra void!catra void!catra void!catra void!catra void!catra--

getaway car--could see this from adora’s perspective to catra solely for the whole leaving/betrayal bit. but might be more fighting for double trouble & catra’s relationship

dancing with our hands tied-- i mean...lyrically. everything. but esp ‘I'd kiss you as the lights went out//swaying as the room burned down//I'd hold you as the water rushes in//If I could dance with you again”

dress-- “i dont want you like a best friend”. period. end of sentence. 

this is why we can’t have nice things--s1 promise feels. the lack of forgiveness, the shade. u know.

lover (2019)

cruel summer-- “i scream for whatever it’s worth, i love you--ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” the heart. the longing. the ‘i dont want to keep secrets just to keep you’

the archer-- ‘who could ever leave me, but who could stay?’ + the rest of the song is v fitting for both catra/adora

afterglow--making up, admitting wrongs--catra perspective

miss americana & the heartbreak prince--idk just the narrative of the song reminds me of them

it’s nice to have a friend--whooooh boy this post is not about glimbow but this song works equally as well for them

daylight--enjoy the healing

lover--enjoy the healing pt 2

death by a thousand cuts-- warrants 0 explanation

folklore (2020)

finally

the 1-- definitley adora POV, reminiscing on maybe what they could have been. maybe in a world where catra never redeemed herself or they never reunited and adora watched her friends pair up/get married/build lives w each other, she might realize there is a whole in her heart. a part that’s missing and cant be explained, but she feels it every time she looks at glimmer&bow. 

cardigan-- feels like catra writing a letter to adora. reflecting on the feelings of hurt and betrayal after time has passed and the anger fades

exile -- lowkey the premise of my fic but. ‘i’m not your problem anymore/ you were my crown/ now i’m in exile seeing you out’ catra was raised to feel like she was adora’s problem to fix. she feels cast aside by her for a majority of the series etc

my tears ricochet-- “i didn't have it in myself to go with grace//and you're the hero flying around saving face//and if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?//cursing my name, wishing I stayed//look at how my tears ricochet” tswift explained this in the doc about how no one can hurt you like your best friend turned enemy. so i think in that sense this song works from adora’s perspective--but there’s so much bitterness and anger that i feel like it fits more from catra’s POV

seven-- “love you to the moon and to saturn//passed down like folksongs//the love lasts so long” i feel like this is so young/child adora and her feelings of protectiveness over catra. their bond through trauma and abuse

august--lmaoooooo i know. ok i KNOW what the deal is. i KNOW that cardigan, august and betty are a narrative story and really there are 3 POVs--james, betty & august. but i will do with that what i please. i just see catra’s pov from this song just as much as i see it for cardigan. her losing adora/feeling like adora doesn’t want her back or will choose other ppl over her. 

this is me trying--can fit adora’s need to be everything for everyone/fear of failure--leading to burn out. also works for what i assume how catra’s redemption arc continued post s5. progress isn’t linear and this can show both of them struggling to recover from abuse

invisible string--if u strip out the imagery of taylor and her mans then sure

mad woman--i MEAN...is this not catra’s villain origin story? so often she was just poked/kicked/provoked into continuing down the dark path. not always by adora but regardless.

epiphany-- ‘with you i serve, with you i fall down’ reminding me of them both fighting/practicing/training together pre-s1 as well as them finally teaming up

betty--betty betty betty. the worst thing these two have ever done is what they did to each other. i see it more catra to adora, but it can go either way. gotta admire catra’s range for fitting into the role of betty, august + james... who else is doing it quite like her?

peace-- adora to catra. she can never not be she ra. is that enough for catra?

hoax--def more of a catra POV

evermore (2020?)

tbd......

[miss-choco-chips]

hey so I had a quick question about twisted soulmates! so tim knows who his soulmates are, jason knows tim is his soulmate, damian thinks tim is his nemesis, but does dick know? do they all know about each other? love the story!!!

 (2/2)  I also love how you call ra’s a cheap kazoo at the end it really fits him

---

Hey sweetie! I’m glad you liked it. Twisted Soulmates has a very special place in my heart, it’s the first long-ish fic I wrote for the fandom and it’s received so much love, it amazes me. And yesss Ra’s totally is. I read that in a post I saw in Pinterest about someone saying that to “play someone like a fiddle” isn’t a fitting insult cause fiddles are hard to play and should instead say a kazoo, and I thought Tim would think so too.

So to clear the soulmate mess a bit.

….This got really really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut. Also, beware of spoilers of the possible second part!

 Dick knows Tim is his soulmate, but it doesn’t get directly addressed in the fic by anyone else than Tim, and that was on purpose. Dick didn’t get his mark at the same time Tim did. Or rather he did, but he was in costume and didn’t see his own wrist, and then his parents died and the trauma kinda fucked things up and the name got erased. Like, he repressed the whole thing so hard he forcefully forgot about Tim and removed him from his own body. That is, until Tim went to ask him to be Robin again, and when Dick touched him he was bitchslapped by the feeling of the name appearing on him.

But the thing is, Dick is a young man, emphasis on the ‘man’. And this weird little kid is, soulmate or not, a *kid*. Dick is uncomfortable as fuck in this situation. He gets fond of Tim with time, they become friends and he mentors him to make sure what happened to Jason won’t happen to him, but he’s very carefully keeping him at arm’s length in anything soulmate related, because he won’t ever see a twelve year old as some romantic partner just because some cosmic force says he’s destined to be that. Maybe in the future, maybe not, but certainly not when there is this age difference that creeps him the hell out. He has his relationships with other people, which Tim respects because he doesn’t think he has any say on the matter, and they honestly love and care for each other (Tim is crushing hard but he’s a teen and Dick is his hero, that would be expected even without the soulmate thing), and everyone kinda turns a blind eye to the whole thing (except from some of the Young Justice gang, but that’s another thing entirely). Sure, Dick’s girlfriends (or at least the ones that are in the know) look a lil uncomfortable when Dick takes them home and they meet this tiny, starry eyed kid who does his best to be polite, but except for that it might as well be a taboo. The most Dick does is when any danger comes near Tim and he outright freaks out, like when he got Ra’s mark and he flew all the way from San Fran just to fret, but, again, the do love each other, so that might or might not be because of their bond.

Jason as explained gets the mark when he’s attacking Tim at Titan’s Tower. He already had the Joker on his other wrist, so there was no place for doubt. That’s why he left Tim alive, instead of finishing the job like he intended to. The second attempt on Tim’s life was made under Pit influence, because Tim rejected his offer to be his Robin, which Jason’s highly damaged mind translated to rejection to him as a soulmate, which in turn made him really mad, and… yeah. He *does* want to get to know Tim properly and apologize, he felt awful about it all once his mind got cleared up, but like… regret doesn’t just erase all the pain he brought his soulmate, a fact he’s perfectly aware of. So when shit hits the fan with Tim and Dick, Jason is away on a self-discovery trip with the outlaws where he works through his issues, hoping to get himself to a place from where he could start a new relationship with Tim (only if Tim is cool with giving him another shot; he’s hopeful but not going to press, the decision will be firmly in Tim’s hands). He doesn’t know about Dick and Damian, but he does know about Ra’s because he once heard Talia ranting about his father being too ‘soft to his nemesis’, which got him curious enough to investigate. It makes him feel even worse, because the poor kid’s nemesis AND soulmate actively tried to hurt him, which… is really fucked up. So Jason is a hot mess right now, but he’s on the path of redemption.

Damian’s thing was another mess altogether. Damian hasn’t met his nemesis yet (I’m still not 100% sure who is gonna be for him), so when he gets to Wayne Manor and gets his mark as he’s hitting Tim… well, the kid’s been groomed to think of his Father’s other kids as enemies already, its not too much of a leap to consider Tim, his direct predecessor and the one he has to live up to, as his ultimate foe. He also knows about his Grandfather having Drake’s name, so his proud little head gets a high at the idea of having the same nemesis as Ra’s, like some kind of validation to him, like he could someday be equal to Ra’s if he has his same nemesis. Tim tries to correct him, but he’s also busy dealing with the fact that a ten year old is another one of his soulmates, and a murderous one at that, so he’s probably not explaining himself as well as he could, and Damian walks out of that encounter totally sure that Tim is his nemesis (he didn’t see Tim’s wrist, so as far as he’s aware, he’s on the same wrist as Ra’s and thus Drake’s nemesis). He doesn’t know about Jason, but he learns about Dick later on, after he becomes his Robin. They are bonding one night and Dick tells him about his soulmate and nemesis (he’s probably trying to explain something about morals and whatnot to him using that as an example), and Damian can’t even suspect of Dick having it wrong, because the one he claims as his nemesis is one of his worst foes, and no matter how bad, Tim couldn’t be worse than him, so, by elimination, Tim IS Dick’s soulmate. This freaks him out, badly, and he does his best to avoid telling Dick about his mark, because he is still sure about Tim being his nemesis, and that means he is destined to hate the one dick is fated to love; Dick would never choose him above Tim if he was aware of this. He’d never love Damian more than Tim, and that makes the child in him even MORE mad at Drake because jealousy.

So by the time Tim says ‘fuck it’ and basically elopes with Ra’s, Dick is unaware of Jason and Damian; Jason is also unaware of the other two; and Damian only has half the information.

They will find out about the others though (and in Damian’s case, about Tim being his soulmate instead of nemesis), when they find out about Tim’s disappearance (he’s with Ra’s but he’s not exactly advertising it so not a lot of people know where the fuck he is) and join forces to look for him. But that will happen in the second part, if I gather enough brain cells to write it lol

Also, a bit about Tim, if you’re interested!

Tim knows they are they soulmates- even when things get twisted when Ra’s, who is his nemesis, treats him better than the people supposedly destined to love him. Its very confusing, and while a part of him is sure of it, the other is like… maybe Ra’s is his destined one, after all. In the end, Tim decides it doesn’t really matter. Ra’s can be his nemesis, soulmate, whatever- he’s taking him down, hence the last scene where he smiles at having deceived him. And Dick, Jason and Damian might or might not be his soulmates- he doesn’t give a fuck either, he’s not gonna forgive them just because Fate winks at him and pushes him towards them. Oh no, hell no. He’s basically giving up on love, soulmates and all that jazz. He’s gonna use his unique position to do his best to take Ra’s down, even if that means he goes down with him, because he’s a very depressed boy who only feels something when in immediate danger, and sadly the most danger he can be in is inside the lion’s mouth- travelling around the world with Ra’s.

This got really long, anon, sorry! Hope you’re having an amazing day!

[sophygurl]

Hi! I was just browsing through my activity and noticed that after I responded to your ask about ships a while back, you reblogged and shared your thoughts about Spuffy. I'm so glad you were able to read my opinions and understand them, even if you didn't agree with them. I just wanted to stop by and ask what your thoughts and feelings are on Spuffy? I'd love to hear your perspective :)

Oh wooooow, you have no idea how happy you just made me! I feel like I talk about spuffy quite a lot but without ever really saying much of anything because inside of me it’s just a lot of (!!!!!>?>>?!!?!>fjhghhf?!?!?!?!!?) YKWM? Like feels central exploding all over the place and it’s really difficult for me to put into coherent words. 

But I’ve also been wanting and meaning to write some serious spuffy meta and kinda dissect what it all means to me personally, as a survivor, for some time now. And like. Especially with all of this purity culture stuff coming to a head, it feels like a good time to take the time to try and do it because, yea, shit not only doesn’t have to be pure to be helpful - but sometimes the darker stuff IS the Most helpful. 

And I really did appreciate your perspective about the relationship because you talked about the ways in which it did and didn’t work for you without ever shaming anyone for the way it does work for them? And I wish we could all do that more. 

So thank you so much for sending me this ask, and asking for my perspective because sometimes all it takes for me to finally settle down and write something I wanna write anyways is to be asked by someone else to do it! 

This is absolutely gonna get long so have a read more cut.

For context, let me start by saying that I didn’t watch Buffy when it first aired - it was, mmm, I wanna say about 10-11 years ago when I decided to try it out. And while I was watching it, I was also in the midst of doing some heavy duty therapy work on my PTSD stemming from childhood sexual abuse and then some further traumas in my young adulthood that happened because of poor processing of said abuse. I’m not gonna get into details about my personal traumas except for some specific ways in which they relate to the lens in which I watched and processed the relationship between Buffy and Spike. BUT, due to that lens, there very well may be triggery content in this post. 

My experience watching Buffy, in general, started out with me being really unsure what the draw was in season 1 and then slowly getting more involved in the characters and relationships and mythos as the series developed into a more mature and nuanced show. I was really hooked by season five, and season six is my favorite, with seven a close second. 

I liked Buffy, the character, okay in the beginning but it wasn’t until she started really going through and processing her traumas that I started to personally connect to her. So season six was like, my jam. She was raw and stripped down to the nerve, and cycling between like outright rage to pure numbness and just lashing out trying desperately to feel and to make sense of her experiences and I was like - yea, Buffy, same, Same. And then in season seven she starts really contextualizing her trauma and using the pain of it to give herself more power and then sharing that power with others and it was just … fuck, I can’t even begin to tell you what that meant to me. In that last episode, I felt her handing me back my OWN power - like I FELT it - it really … anyway. We’ll get there.

And then there was Spike, who I loved right away. I love me some snarky villains. I love me the bad boy who has hidden depths inside of him. I love the villain who doesn’t … really fit the mold of the other villains in-verse. I love the villain who doesn’t mind working with the heroes if it fits his agenda. Basically, Spike was fictional catnip for me right out of the gate.

I adored Spike and Drusilla together for a lot of reasons, but for Spike to develop beyond just Big Bad, he had to fall out of her orbit, so I was okay with that ending.

On the other hand, I was never into Buffy and Angel. Watching the series as an adult, it just felt creepy to me how this old vampire basically stalked a very innocent-seeming to me teen Buffy. Their romance reminded me of girls I knew who fell for older guys when I was in high school where the older guy seemed sort of dangerous and mysterious and I get the draw from Her perspective - but not necessarily his? I don’t know, I just personally never really bought them being truly in love - they were sort of practice relationships for one another? Her as a young teenager, and him as someone just starting to re-learn humanity. I never Disliked them together… I just never shipped it. The idea of them being one another’s One True Love’s was just sorta meh to me. 

So when Spike started having his crush on Buffy? I was so ready for that. Because it was so silly at first, right? It was not serious. It was creepy and weird and wrong. But in a way that appealed to me. 

How do I explain? I guess, it had to do with all of the reasons that Spike was Not Like All The Other Villains/Vampires. Angel was always different but ONLY because he was cursed with a soul. It was a thing done TO him and when he reverted back to Angelus he was literally a whole different person and did not have any desire to turn back into Angel. When he was Angel, he was all brooding and guilt-ridden and terrified of his other self. 

But Spike was always different just because he was different. This didn’t mean he had a soul or a capacity for love or the ability to be a Good Guy. It just meant he worked a little differently than the other vampires. I truly think he loved and was devoted to Dru. I don’t think she was capable of returning that love in the same way. 

So, anyway, Spike is back and he’s split with Dru because Dru could just … tell … something was off and Spike was wanting to deny that but then suddenly - crush! Not love, not attraction, not lust, not desire - a freaking schoolboy crush.

But of course it was creepy because hello - soulless vampire who has never had a healthy relationship of any kind in his LIFE. But he starts doing these odd things, like wanting to comfort Buffy when he sees that she’s upset and being willing to take care of Dawn when no one else was available and HE doesn’t get it either, but somehow he’s becoming a slightly more decent person because of this weirdass crush? 

IDK, that’s appealing.

And let me clarify. It’s not appealing to me because I see myself in the Good Girl who can make a Bad Boy into a better person. That is never what’s appealed to be about these types of relationships. 

In large part because of my abuse, I see different layers of myself in each character. 

I went through a large portion of my life pretending very hard to be a Good Girl and then when I finally came out of denial about the abuse realized that was because inside I felt like a very Bad Girl and then as I pursued more recovery realized it’s all a lot more complex than that but really I’ve been more of a Decent Person who felt like a Bad Person trying really hard to be a Good Person. I hope that makes sense.

But the point is. I see myself in both the Good and the Bad characters in these sorts of push-pull love-hate dynamic relationships.

And what I love about spuffy, specifically, is that they’re both … both. Eventually. I’m getting ahead of myself. But yes, Spike suddenly wanting to be decent here and there because of his weird developing feelings for Buffy appealed to me - and especially to part of me that feels Bad. I’m Spike in this scenario, not Buffy. 

But I’m also Buffy, being really grossed by this Bad Person’s interest in me. When Buffy throws her money at Spike and says he’s not good enough for her - that’s me hating myself and saying I’m not good enough. But it’s also, strangely, me taking a stand and saying I’m worth better than the ways in which I was treated.

Gods, this whole abuse recovery dichotomy can be so confusing to explain because like. I never abused anyone. But the ugliness I feel inside of myself has to do with what happened to me, and also with what I know people in my family have done to others. So there’s this idea of Badness there. And the idea of there being forgiveness and redemption for that Badness is very very appealing.

And at the same time? There’s this beauty inside of myself that I always thought I was faking but that it turns out - is fucking real and precious and important. And standing up for that broken beautiful part of myself and saying no to being used and abused again is so powerful.

So in that scene? I’m the ugliness in Spike being hated by Buffy but I’m ALSO the powerful beauty in Buffy standing up for herself.

You can maybe see how this all gets even more tangled up the further we go, yea?

So Spike gets chipped and becomes a part of the team - all the while simultaneously reminding them that he’s still a Bad Guy AND slowly becoming a slightly better person because of his interactions with them and his feelings for Buffy. He’s not even close to redeemed, okay, he’s still a villain. He’s just a more and more intriguing villain, an anti-villain, even, eventually.

And then season six. And Buffy comes back. And she’s broken and raw and needing something that her friends cannot give her. She is needing to connect to the darkness inside of herself, and who is waiting there for her? 

And so yea, okay, hatesex is very appealing to me just inandofitself. It’s like double the passion and it’s animalistic and there’s something so sexy and gratifying about two people just using one another with equal force, yk? 

And Spike and Buffy are physically matched perfectly. She can take all her anger and pain and rage out on him without permanently damaging him. And she’s NEVER been able to let loose like that before. Her first time with Angel was a more tender and sweet moment and then - welp - turns out they can’t do the do. And otherwise she’s been with humans who she’s had to hold back with. There was zero holding back with Spike. 

So from Buffy’s perspective, there’s this amazing relief and release and yea, even, empowerment in being able to just freely let herself go in this way. 

From Spike’s point of view, it was about more. And here is where I feel for him because, at this point he’s still not really capable of love in the way we talk about it as being something from a soul. He’s chipped but not soul’d. He has strong feelings for Buffy that no vampire (besides cursed-soul Angel) should be able to have. But it’s not … quite … love. It’s passion and it’s care and it’s wanting and it’s even becoming something like friendship. But it’s not love, much as he thinks it is.

But he does Think it is. And he’s thinking it’s the same for her, but she just can’t admit it, yet. The hatesex to him … is just  … sex. And he fully believes he’s winning her over. And so her constant rejection of him as a fully human person with a soul and feelings guts him - even as he’s still trying to convince himself that he does love her and she does somehow secretly love him back. 

The fact that she keeps using him physically, and also keeps coming to him for emotional support, supports this belief and keeps him from understanding the reality of the situation.

Now, I think I mentioned than when I was watching this for the first time I was in heavy duty therapy mode yea? Well, there was another even heavier duty therapy mode a good tenish years prior when I had first admitted to the abuse I experienced and got really good and fucked up and made some bad personal decisions and here is where some of that comes to play because I saw myself in this scenario - again from both sides.

I am Buffy learning to enjoy the pleasures of my body and sexuality for the first time but also making really bad decisions about who to share that with because I am still so new to processing my trauma.

I am also Spike - longing for something more and better and being told (by myself) that I was not good enough, that I was bad, that I was not a full human person who deserved good things or good relationships.

(There, there, pastme - it does get better)

Back to first-time-Buffy-watching me. And I am enjoying the HECK out of the spuffy sex and I am feeling for poor pining Spike and feeling for Buffy who is hating herself for what she’s doing and also shipping them like WHOA because there is so much about their dynamic that is just sexy and fun and FEELS everywhere. 

But I knew Seeing Red was coming, because I did have a few things spoiled for me just by existing in the world for years without having watched the show yet myself. I really didn’t wanna watch it, or the rest of season six. So I got into a spiral of just watching the earlier parts of the season over and over - specifically the musical and through the 3 episodes of heavy spuffy sex. I did a LOT of processing during this time and then eventually girded myself to watch what I knew was coming. 

And Seeing Red is awful. Traumatic. Triggering. Terrible. But also, like, gods, did it make sense for where these two characters were at this point in time? I didn’t feel like it was contrived or somehow put in just for the heck of it. It made sense in the narrative. Spike legitimately just did not get it. He did not realize he was attempting rape until … finally … he did. 

And the horror of that, the horror of realizing that he almost did that to the ONE person in the world that he has ever cared that much about? Broke him. Sent him off on a magical quest to get his fucking soul back.

No one did that. Even Angel was Cursed with his soul, right? No vampire ever wanted to get their soul back - even had enough non-ensouled feelings to have the ability to want such a thing. Not to mention going through the trials of actually getting it back.

Season seven Spike is such a different beast. He’s messed up from the soul-thing, but I honestly believe Most of his messed-up-ness came from what The First was doing to/through him. Because … gods, okay.

When Spike goes through the flashbacks and recognizes what his trigger is? (Like the show legit uses PTSD terminology here - it was a Trigger) He processes his Own old traumas and he is able to tell Robin basically - fuck it, I know who I am. I know I did terrible things without my soul, but I can’t and won’t beat myself up for that (for example the way Angel does) because it wasn’t entirely my fault and all I can control now is who I am now and what I do now.

Now THAT spoke to me as a trauma survivor. Stop hanging on to all of this so-called badness inside, forgive yourself, and move on. WOW. Fucking powerful. 

And what he DOES choose to do is to be there for Buffy in any way she will allow him to.

Ensouled Spike is no longer creeping around her or making weird assumptions about her or trying to Get something From her. Ensouled Spike defends her when others attack. Ensouled Spike holds her all night when she needs it and gives her pep talks and asks what he can do to help and accepts when he can’t help and just stands there quietly willing to do battle With her. 

I just … phew… that makes me emotional. 

Because, again, I look back at some of those dysfunctional relationships I got into in my early 20′s and like. None of those fuckers would have done anything like that. 

And my attraction to the Fictional Bad Boy with a Hidden Heart of Gold was never about expecting any of them to. I was with them, unconsciously or even some cases consciously, on purpose to punish myself or to work out past traumas with or just to Feel Something. I never expected or even necessarily wanted deep love from them.

So, here’s the thing. None of those fuckers would have done anything like that for me. Nor I them. 

So Spike slowly gaining his redemption through his willingness to become a better person because of his love of Buffy? Fucking spoke to me.

And Buffy slowly accepting the darker parts of herself through her willingness to let Spike into her orbit because of her feelings for him? Fucking yes. 

And when she hands him the - shit it’s been a long time - that medallion meant for a champion? And he doesn’t think he’s worthy, but she says she knows he is. Fuck!!! That is ME accepting ME, okay? All of myself, the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the messed up and the slowly healing. All of it. 

And when he sacrifices himself in the end??? When that’s how she’s finally able to defeat The First? All that power sharing with all of the other women was *chefkiss* but it also took Spike. Spike who stormed on the scene in season two with snark and a twisted sense of love and no desire to ever be a hero? That Spike!? Sacrificing himself and STILL NOT BELIEVING BUFFY LOVES HIM. 

Because by then, let’s be clear, she did. Maybe not the same way he loved her, but she did love him. And he doesn’t believe it, can’t believe himself worthy of that love. But he sacrifices himself ANYway?

THAT Spike? Is no longer asking anything in return. He gives all of himself and won’t even accept her statement of love in return. “No, you don’t. But thanks for saying it anyway.” Just AUGJH?!? You know??? 

That was me … redeeming me … for me…. 

So anyway. 

I just want to add that AS I WAS WRITING THIS OUT, I got another ask in my inbox stating “People who like problematic or villainous characters are apologist for shitty people and should rethink their life because they’re shitty people.”

And this is the exact WRONG time to come for me like this because I just poured out my entire traumatized abuse surviving soul into the internet to explain why watching a problematic villain evolve and learn to do better helped ME to contextualize and process my fucking trauma. So fuck you. People who write anonymous hate without knowing the full story are being shitty and should rethink their actions because they’re shitting on actual REAL LIFE COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE. 

The end. 

[chocolatellamadragons]

In this essay, I will...

So I don't normally think that much about Steven Universe outside of watching the show but after looking at some theories I wanted to try my hand and making one of my own. This is a very long post guys.

*SPOILERS ARE LIKELY, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*

[[MORE]]

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With that out of the way, let's talk about my favourite rock, Jasper.

I adore Jasper for how amazingly complex she is. The writers did a good job making a villain that from appearance alone should have just been Peridot's big dumb sidekick, but she was intelligent, driven, a leader and warrior with a lot of personal issues. So when I didn't see her in the movie I was a little sad. However, in the wake of that sadness, I'd like to propose some theories as to where she was, both during the movie and 2 year time-skip, and what will happen during the sixth season.

Now we know from Nephrite that not everyone made it out before the corruption occured, so Rose's fountain contained gems from both sides who warmed up to each other quickly despite only really just learning everyone's cool, no more fighting. Now while Jasper has been 'aware' far longer than they have, all of them were around to see Pink 'shattered' (I think Nephrite talks to Blue and Yellow about 'avenging pink diamond'). So I don't really buy into her continuing to hate Steven because of Rose/Pink because she wouldn't adapt that fast, since it's clear everyone else is just sorta "oh rose was pink? We're not corrupted? Everyones friends and the diamonds have said we're all allowed to express ourselves? Great, cool, sounds totally fine." Everyone is just immediatly ok with the idea of not being enemies and the new way of life era 3 will bring.

During the next 2 years, gems began to disband the old ways, dismantle the empire in its current form and started work on little homeworld. Theres a high chance many of the earth's former enemies stayed too, becoming crystal gems. Jasper however would probably still feel weird about the whole 'let's all be friends now' thing gojng on and go back to homeworld for 2 main reasons. 1, the changes would happen far slower there and give her a better chance to adjust and 2, that's where her friends are at, so she can feel more comfortable changing around people who feel the same way about all this. Maybe she'll stay, maybe she'll go back to earth, who knows?

Except homeworld doesn't welcome her back with open arms. We know that she's a celebrity back home due to her efforts in the gem war. She was respected because she tried to shatter Rose and never gave up. Now that was great back before everyone knew Steven/Rose was Pink. So homeworld now knows Jasper not as a hero, but an evil gem that tried to shatter pink and her son! How awful! So she would be shunned by almost everyone. Also, despite everyone being much nicer to their fellow gems, the class system is still in place. Jaspers are still pretty low in the chain. Her actions in the war are what made her a high ranking officer, but with everyone shunning her for what she tried to do she'd just go back to being a regular old soldier. Worse yet, what previously made her so highly thought of by gems lower than her, her perfection, is now just meaningless, so they too will start to treat her like a common quartz at best.

Now given the era 3 ways, this would definately get better with time. In fact if she'd stayed, she'd likely have run into Steven and perhaps made some amends in return for him defending her previous actions as misguided. But I doubt she'd have stayed. Jasper hates the idea of being weak, shown by her treatment of Amethyst, the corrupted gems and even Lapis to some extent. She'll return to earth because there, people won't treat her like some monster or lowly soldier. Amethyst called her sis, she knows she'd have a place there. But everything's changed too quickly for her. There's no conflict. Nothing to fight, no-one to protect and she's too set in her ways to just move on like the others.

During the rest of the timeskip and the movie, Jasper pulls an Amethyst and runs back to her hole in the kindergarten. That's the one place she fits in anymore. And there she remains, reflecting on everything and mulling it all over. Sure it's not the best way to go about recovery, but it works for her. Plus since when has Jasper been good at making healthy decisions.

In future, Jaspers redemption arc will likely start off with a visit from Steven. The villain for season 6 had made their presence known and Steven needs help from the strongest gem he knows. However, Jasper holds grudges, and would see Steven's request as manipulative and tell him to get lost. However, she won't hurt him. And that's a big step that everyone will recognise. The one's most likely to get through to her would be Amethyst or Lapis, the former being the most willing. It'll leave off with her allegiance as ambiguous. Is she a crystal gem? Isnt she? Who knows.

Later there with be a scuffle nearby, and after calling for help, Jasper will come to the rescue, only to be poofed. Her sacrifice is recognised by the gems and they no longer see her as some unknown potential threat, but an unlikely ally. This is further enforced when Jasper reforms sporting a star and a more 'corruption accommodating' look. She doesn't openly admit it, but she's a gem now. She'll need some guidance as she'll be more brutal than the other gems, but she'll get there.

She'd probably see a kindred spirit in Bismuth, both being incredibly strong with a passion for fighting and may be trusted with a nifty weapon upgrade. Amethyst will help her with her emotions, which will probably look like the dove self esteem short they both did. She'd be curious about fusion still, and bombard Garnet with questions. I also see her becoming friends with Lapis and Peridot again. At first they'd likely stay away from eachother. In fact it would be interesting to have Jasper talk about her experiences being alienated on homeworld expecting sympathy, only to be greeted with laughter and insult from Lapis as an act of revenge. Lapis wants nothing to do with her, but deep down knows she's falling back to how it was with malachite, how she took out her anger on Jasper and eventually the two would find common ground and stop hating eachother. Eventually she moves on to befriending Peri, which happens more naturally (plus imagine Jasper getting into all of Peri's nerdy shows)

I think fusions will come into play with Jasper. The most likely candidate for this being Amethyst, but I can also see her attempting to fuse with Garnet (she's the expert, she'd be a valuable teacher) Bismuth (two very strong gems, which could be good or bad) Peridot (bare with me, Peri expressed some interest, but is super nervous about it, Jasper's only been in two very nasty fusions, it might even be garnets idea to try to get them to fuse as a lesson in equal partnership) or even Steven (a last resort probably, or an accident, but it might give Jasper a better understanding of what goes on in Steven's head).

Malachite! This is much more far fetched, but I think it'd be nice to have Jasper and Lapis able to forgive one another to the point where thry are comfortable with fusion. Though this is far mor unlikely, imagine how awesome it'd be to have Alexandrite and Malachite alongside eachother again, only this time on the same side? That's more just wishful thinking on my part though.

So yeah, that about wraps up my stupidly detailed essay on my predictions for the big buff cheeto puff's redemption arc. I love her, she's great, please don't just make her one note evil Rebecca, please.

Feel free to add on whatever or criticize this, I just need Jazzy to be happy with her fam finally. Also it'd be cool if she got her dumb cape back. Like 'this is what hero type people wear right?'

[hamliet]

(1) We know Rei told Shouto to be the hero that he wants to be, but we don’t know what her plans were before Endeavor forced her into a quirk marriage. What were her dreams? What did she want to be? I read a post that said girls in Japan can marry at age 16 with parental permission, and Shouto mentioned that Enji essentially “paid off” her family.

(2) Considering how young Rei looks despite having four children in their teens and twenties, I think that might have been what happened. If so, then she would have had to drop out of school and likely became a mother by the time she was 17 (I really hope an IVF was used to impregnate Rei instead of…the usual method). I think Fantine’s song “I Dreamed a Dream” fits Rei’s situation: “He took my childhood in his stride.”

(3) Even if the hospital were to release her, she wouldn’t be able to become independent. She would lack the necessary job training and high school diploma. She would need to depend on her children, which would probably make her think herself a burden and even more of a failure as a mother due to her children having to provide for her instead of the other way around.

(4) We don’t even know what she would do with her time. What are her hobbies? Does she even have one? When her children aren’t visiting her, she’s either seen staring out a window or reading Shouto’s letters. (I would like to see her therapy sessions). Would there actually be a difference between her living in a hospital and living out of it? It looks like she would occupy some kind of stasis either way.

(5) Is she ever allowed to leave her room? In the light novel, she offers Shouto flavored milk from the store (Maybe one inside the hospital? But where’d she get the money?). Can she take walks outside with a nurse? She’s so pale and worn-looking; it’s hard to imagine her standing under the sun or feeling the breeze. She might just smell the stale antiseptic in her room all day. She’s always sitting; it bothers me how immobile she is.

(6) Does she even want to leave the hospital? This may seem like an odd question, but I wonder if the relief of being away from her abuser outweighs her desire to be with her kids (who were, and may still be, her triggers). I read a fanfic in which Rei, after scalding Shouto’s face and becoming institutionalized, calls herself a coward for “taking the easy way out” and leaving her kids in the hell she had just escaped, which stuck to me.

(7) I’m curious about the immediate aftermath of her burning Shouto. Did she realize what she had done immediately, or did she fall into a daze or was she too hysterical to notice his screaming/crying? Did she try to tend to Shouto’s wound? Out of concern for him? Or was she more worried about Endeavor punishing her for damaging his precious “masterpiece”? What did Endeavor do/say to her once he arrived at the scene?

(8) How were her first days in the hospital like? When did she regain some semblance of lucidity and mental stability? When did she start missing her children? Did she ever realize that they are her children, not Enji’s? When did she settle into a routine? What is her daily routine? When did she become resigned to her likely permanent stay there?

(9) What does Rei see when she looks at Shouto now? Does she still only see her abuser in his left side? How does she feel when she sees his scar? How does she feel about herself when she looks at her own reflection? Does she think herself a villain? A monster? A child abuser worse than Endeavor? Does she think what she did to her son is worse than what her husband did to her? (Again, I mean Rei’s potential thoughts about herself).

(10) Did Rei look at Touya with fear—fear of the red hair, blue eyes, and flames he inherited from his father? Did Touya, fueled by self-loathing, burn his own skin in an attempt to erase any resemblance to his family’s tormentor? Or was it a training accident? Or did Touya try to fight Endeavor and overheated? Would Rei recognize Touya with his scars and his dyed hair? Would she still see Enji in his eyes?

(11) I want to learn about Rei’s relationship with her own parents. How does she feel about them selling her off like some broodmare? What were they doing while their daughter was being abused? Did they help Fuyumi care for her brothers after Rei became institutionalized? Do they ever visit Rei in the hospital? Are they even still alive?

(12) One fan hypothesizes that Rei’s family was traditional, and taught her to always be an obedient wife to her husband, hence her acceptance of the flower, because good wives forgive. Another thought Rei viewed the flower as Enji acknowledging her existence after 10 years of ignoring her. Both make sense, but I would like canon focus on Rei’s perspective.

(13) If Rei were to see her abuser, how would she react? Would all the progress she made in the hospital be undone? Would she see Enji in her children again and lash out at them? Or would she resolve to protect them this time? How successful would she be in her resolve?

(14) How does Midoriya and Bakugou feel about Rei after hearing from Shouto what she did and said to him? How would their peers react to her? How would the other parents feel about a mother who hurt her own child? Would they sympathize with her situation? Or would they shun her for representing the possibility of parental weakness that they don’t want their own children and themselves to think about?

(15) I’m sorry to inundate you with so many asks, but Horikoshi isn’t giving us anything!

Whooooa! Haha, don’t be sorry! You are asking lots of interesting questions!

The thing to keep in mind is that we have NO evidence Rei was underage. The thing about Japan is the until veeeery recently you had to get parental permission to marry anyone under the age of 20, so it’s entirely possible (and I’d even say likely) Rei was what we’d consider an adult, not a child, and I don’t want to ascribe another crime--especially one so very serious--to Endeavor without direct evidence. 

As for the rest... I’m not good with headcanons, but yeah, I am 100% with you when I say I want her canon perspective. This is kind of why I grumped about Endeavor’s redemption arc:  I want to focus on the victims and the pain done to them at least equally if not more so to the pain Endeavor was in. That’s a great observation about her being immobile, because I think that describes her role in the story pretty accurately, unfortunately. I want to know what she wants, what she feels, her background--exactly what you say! 

If you’re at all into fanfics and decide to write one, please link me. 

[violethowler]

My thoughts on Kingdom Hearts III

My initial reaction to the ending of Kingdom Hearts III was equal parts confusion, devastation, and just being overwhelmed by the sheer volume of how much time was spent on the final battle. I had a lot of conflicting opinions about how some things were handled, but unlike when that happened with the final season of Voltron, I feel a lot better about everything after a good night's sleep, because I was up late at night finishing the game. I'll get into the spoilers under the cut.

So, for starters, let me put my reactions on a scale of negative to positive:

Major disappointments that should absolutely be done better in the next saga:

After Kairi was hyped up for so long that she'd have a more important part to play in the story, her role in the final battle was a letdown. I can swallow her not being as amazing a fighter as the others because she's never been in combat before and she's been effectively thrown into the deep end on her first day, but I at least expected her to resist when Xemas grabbed her, instead of passively standing there like a helpless damsel in distress. The only in-universe explanation would be if after stress and panic of the previous fights, she froze up when Xemnas made a more for her. But after seven years of being built up as a Keyblade Wielder, and her relationship with Sora, she could have done so much more. I sincerely hope that Testuya Nomura learns from this and lets her shine in the next saga.

With trailers and interviews hyping up how big the worlds were this time around, having Twilight Town and 100 Acre wood be just one small area each was seriously disappointing. I was really looking forward to seeing more of the 100 Acre Wood. They could have fleshed out the whole "Sora disappearing from the cover mystery" for at least a little bit, maybe let us run around the other characters' houses instead of just Rabbit's. And for Twilight Town, I would have liked to have been able to see how the other districts looked.

Going straight to the endgame after San Fransokyo. I know that the creators decided to focus on quality over quantity when it came to the worlds in this game, but I was hoping for just one surprise Disney world that could give fans one last breather after rescuing Aqua and Ven. If not a Disney world, then I would have at least liked to have been able to explore more of Land of Departure or visit Radiant Garden outside of cut-scenes. I love RG's look from BBS and I would have loved to walk around and see the world restored to its former glory.

Vanitas was frustratingly underused in this game. For all the hype surrounding his return, I expected more from him. Especially because the Kingdom Hearts concerts kept including his theme music with the "heroes and heroines" meddley, tantalizing us with the possibility of him getting a redemption arc. And instead, he just dies all over again, only this time, he's calmly accepting his own demise instead of freaking out like after his final fight in BBS. As someone who loves the idea of him getting redeemed, that was a big disappointment. The only thing I'm hoping for is if he somehow comes back in the next saga, because it was kind of unclear whether he's really dead, if there's a way for him to come back, or if he's just faking it like Xigbar was.

Things I wish had been handled differently but I can ultimately live with and hope are handled better in the next saga:

The lack of focus on or explanation of the X era mysteries we've been pondering for years disappointed me on first playthrough, but now that I've had time to think about it, I realized that X/Unchained X/Back Cover/Union X/Whatever-They-Change-The-Name-To-Next isn't truly a part of the Xehanort Saga, but rather, the connective tissue that sets the stage for what comes after Xehanort. It was supposed to set just enough things up that we'd know who the Foretellers were and what Xigbar being Luxu meant. But because it was released before KH3, the fandom built up our expectations that the mysteries of what happened would ultimately be answered in III, so when they alluded to Marluxia and Larxene's past as Dandelions without following up on it, I was kind of disappointed. But now I realize that it was meant to open the door to them playing larger roles in the Lost Masters Saga.

Maleficent and Pete just lurking in the background despite trailers and previous games hyping up her interest in Luxu's box and the Book of Prophecy. This is something else that was clearly being set up for the sequel, but I wish Maleficent had at least had more to do. A boss fight with Pete followed by a conversation to establish that she's waiting for the dust to settle between the Guardians of Light and Seekers of Darkness before she makes her move would have been nice.

The sudden introduction of this mystery girl. At first, I thought when they kept mentioning this girl, they were talking about Kairi, and that we'd be starting to learn more about her past in Radiant Garden. I soon realized that the implications of Kairi's life pre-Destiny Islands were a red herring, but the more they kept bringing this girl up, the more I was expecting there to be some kind of explanation for who she was in the game itself. I can understand in retrospect why Isa and Ansem SoD would suddenly bring her back now, because both knew they were going to die (Isa at least had the promise of recompletion) and wanted closure on burning questions they hadn't thought about in years. Considering that the epilogue and secret reports imply she's amnesiac Ava, I think this is another case of planting seeds for future installments in a way that I wish had been done better.

After years of Aqua being celebrated as a badass Keyblade Master, her not really getting to do anything in this game is upsetting. Sure, things make sense from an in-universe perspective: she sent her Keyblade to Destiny Islands as a beacon for Sora, Riku, and/or Mickey to find her, which weakened her already worn down defenses when Xehanort’s heartless came for DiZ. With how much warping Terranort does, I figured he’d attacked Ven at speeds so close to superhuman that Aqua didn’t have time to react. And in Land of Departure, Nomura wanted to have Ven’s awakening be a dramatic moment where he swoops in to protect someone he cares about. But having Aqua kick Vanitas’ ass only for her to get taken down by a single Firaga spell feels like a poor way to achieve the desired result.

While having some Disney worlds follow the plots to their respective movies was expected, Sora, Donald, and Goofy's presence their felt a little insubstantial. I mean, I'm not saying they should have just copied the movie shot for shot with SDG there in the background, but it felt like they missed out on large chunks of the movies. It was forgivable in Kingdom of Corona because they were there for the important parts and Marluxia basically told them what they missed re: Rapunzel. With Arendelle it felt weird that they were really only involved with Elsa running away, the Marshmallow fight, and the ending. The rest was pretty much spent with Larxene coming up with elaborate ways to keep them away from the plot of the movie. With Pirates it was just ridiculous. They were really only there for the escape from Davy Jones locker and then just ran around with fake!Jack doing their own thing until it was time for the final fight of the movie. It's hard to not know the plots of Tangled and Frozen due to pop culture at this point, but if you're playing this game with no knowledge of the pirates of the Caribbean movies, you're going to be very confused on what's happening in the maelstrom fight.

Minor quibbles:

An explanation for what happened to Demyx would have been nice, but then, that could just be another mystery to be addressed later.

The whole "rewind time and replay everything before Sora's near-death until things change at the last moment" thing didn't really make a whole lot of sense, but it wasn't too big of a deal, and Xigbar's "we don't need you to make a second blunder" implies that he had something to do with it, which can hopefully be explained properly at a later date.

Little moments that weren’t necessarily big for the story, but I enjoyed anyway for personal reasons:

At first, I was crushed by Even’s return to the Organization because I loved the fanfic Why The Sun Sets Red where he becomes a surrogate parent figure to Xion, and wanted that relationship to be a reality in canon. Then when he saved Ansem, Hayner, Pence, and Olette from Fake Ansem, my head was saying “this is probably a trap”, but my heart screamed #ShittyScienceDadConfirmed. And I was so relieved when my heart turned out to be right. I will probably end up writing a post-III fanfic of Even bonding with his Science Daughter at some point.

I generally stay away from shipping in the KH fandom, but after years of having SoKai as my first OTP, I came to start shipping SoRiKai, and as upset as I am about Sora’s fate (I can’t really complain about that too badly since Nomura already promised that Sora would still be the main character in post-KH3 installments so having this kind of ending should have been expected, if not for 3 than for a future title), I at least take comfort in the fact that there’s enough wiggle room for SoRiKai headcanons set after Sora’s inevitable return.   

Everything else that I absolutely loved:

The visuals were absolutely freaking gorgeous. On every single world, they went out of their way to make the graphics as beautiful as possible.  The 2D fire effects on Olympus, the different shaders used each world to make Sora, Donald, and Goofy fit with the aesthetic...

The Skein of Severance. While I wish we'd gotten to explore more of the Keyblade Graveyard during the final battle, or that the maze was a little more elaborate, I loved having to fight multiple members of the new Organization simultaneously, and oh dear god the aftermath of every fight: Xion's return, Terra regaining control of his body, Saix's death.... I was sobbing after every boss fight.

Despite how complicated the lore has become, the story itself was actually pretty straightforward. It was pretty refreshing and reminded me of KH1 and BBS, where the heroes have a clear overarching goal and a reason for why they're traveling to other worlds.

As much as I wish that Unchained X had been held until after KH3, there's a stroke of genius to the epilogue: Because of Xehanort's whole "balance between dark and light" obsession and Riku's whole "dark is not necessarily evil" character arc, I've seen a consistent idea within the fandom that the main villain of the next saga after Xehanort should be one of those who fit into the "Light is not good" trope. And by implicitly setting up the "Lost Masters" for that role in the epilogue, they've both ensured a masterful conflict between the Keyblade Wielders of the past and the ones of the present, and ensured that the next saga will be as heartbreaking as possible by ensure that the fandom is already attached to these characters.

Honestly, despite the issues I've had with the game above, I absolutely enjoyed Kingdom Hearts 3. It was worth the wait in my opinion, and I can't wait to see what the future holds. My only hope, given the epilogue and secret ending, that we get an announcement of Kingdom Hearts IV within a year or so. Doesn't need to release next year, but it definitely needs to be announced for development.

[wingletblackbird]

I appreciate your nuanced and respectful anti-abortion post, and I want to raise a question that you didn't address. How do you regard medication abortions, which account for about 30% of abortions and can be performed extremely early? Your argument about fetal life wouldn't seem to apply as well at three or four weeks gestation. I'm not trying to pick a fight, just genuinely curious.

Don’t worry I don’t think you’re trying to pick a fight. I can dialogue with anyone on any subject really, so long as we’re both willing to listen and be respectful, even be willing to change our minds if we are exposed to something we hadn’t considered. I actually, generally, quite enjoy a good discussion. ;) I also am a firm believer that as long as you’re sincere, there is no such things as a bad question. I appreciate the ask, and I’m glad you felt my original post was respectful. I was worried about setting the wrong tone.

(On that note, before I get into this, I really want to make sure I make it clear I don’t think women who have abortions are any better or worse than anybody else. I don’t think most people who are pro-choice are bad people either–No more than the rest of us anyway. 1 in 4 people or so in the States, iirc, will have an abortion. It’s ludicrous to suppose they are all horrible people, or that their supporters are. I cannot know what women feel like going into those clinics, but I am given to understand that helpless, panicked, and desperate are common emotions, and if you are not given the proper support, or information, it is hard to make good decisions like that. Beyond even that, people make mistakes. I am not here to judge them, and if any woman is struggling post-abortion, I would say there is forgiveness, and redemption, and support out there for you.) 

You’re right; I barely touched on the issue of medication abortions. I felt the post was already longer than most people would care for anyway. Before I get into why I oppose those too, I should stress first that by the time most people know they’re pregnant there will already be a heartbeat, and likely discernible brain waves. Ergo, I think it would be rare that it wouldn’t be blindingly obvious you were dealing with a young child, even without the further evidence I am about to offer that life begins at feritilistaion. To offer a personal example, when my parents were trying to conceive my brother and I, my mom was very in tune with her natural cycles. She always knew when she was ovulating from the left side because she could feel a twinge in her lower  back, so she and my dad were able to conceive by brother and I on just the one attempt. Likewise, within a couple weeks after my conception, my mom knew she was pregnant even when it was too early for it to even be detectable by a pregnancy test, so she went to the hospital and asked for a blood test which confirmed she was pregnant. Then she and my dad went to get an ultrasound, and discovered my heart was already beating. That was when my dad went from pro-choice to pro-life, because he realised even at such an early stage, before it could easily be detected, I was alive!

But, of course, what if you have unprotected sex, or for whatever reason you have cause to believe that you could be pregnant really, really early? You’ve pretty much asked for an abortion from the first moment you could possible be considered pregnant. Even then I would say that this is wrong. The child is still a legitimate human being. There is overwhelming scientific consensus on this: Life begins at conception. 

First of all, we know that from the moment of conception the individual is alive. They have all the characteristics of a living entity. Cells are the smallest form of life. That is one of the basics of cell theory and biology. Moreover, once fertilization occurs they are the offspring of two humans, and they are humans genetically. Perhaps most importantly they are human organisms. They are not merely masses of tissue, or clumps of cells, because body cells do not have the capacity to grow, and change, and develop the way that an organism does. This is why sperm cells, egg cells, muscle tissue etc. do not have rights, while the human organism does. The zygote, blastocyst, embryo, fetus, infant, toddler, child, pre-teen, teenager, and adult are all humans in different stages of development, and each is as valid as the other. Furthermore, it is expected in our society to protect the most vulnerable of us such as children. To not do so is considered terrible, even monstrous, except when it comes to those who are developing in-utero. This makes no sense to me. Life begins at fertilisation, and if allowed to grow over the course of a couple decades, results into a fully mature adult of our species. This is the scientific evidence. To terminate that development is to kill the youngest of our kind, to deny them to right to continue to grow and learn and change. You would think every stage of human life from the zygote to the senior citizen would be equally as valuable. However, in the interests of profit and convenience, they are not. (Frankly, this applies to many seniors who are mistreated as well, and aren’t granted the respect and dignity they deserve.)

If you look at embryology textbooks you’ll see quotes like this:

Although human life is a continuous process, fertilisation is a critical landmark, because, under ordinary circumstances a new, genetically distinct human organism, is thereby formed. –Human Embryology and Teratology

Human life begins at fertilization.—The Developing Human 

Development begins with fertilisation—Langman’s Medical Embryology

Even amongst the pro-choice side we get:

There is no doubt that from the first moments of its existence, an embryo conceived from human sperm and eggs is a human being.—Peter Singer, Practical Ethics

Hence, the moment you terminate a pregnancy, whatever the stage, you deny a life the right to exist. You will never get it back. You will never know what that child could have been. 

Other issues that have to be considered with the understanding that life begins at conception is the issue of hormonal birth control, (since I’m on the subject and don’t really get into it in the first post...). I recently read an outraged News article talking about how some politician said that the Pill caused abortion. The man in question was called a religious nut, ignorant, and uninformed, but I rather thought the journalist was. Few people seem to realise that the Pill does not always stop ovulation, and hence, fertilization. While it makes it very difficult for fertilization to occur, it can still occur. If that happens, the Pill will usually result in a lost life, because the Pill also prevents implantation of the fertilised egg by altering the endometrium. This is why many claim that the Pill has the potential to be abortifacient. If you believe that life starts at conception, as I do, hormonal contraception is out. The morning after pill is really just a higher dosage of the regular pill anyway, so really this shouldn’t be surprising. 

Taking the next leap from the understanding that fertilization is the earliest stage of human development is the nature of IVF. To promote greater levels of success, multiple embryos are nurtured. They are screened for “undesirable” qualities whether it be for disabilities, or gender. (I’ve already talked about why that’s awful in my original post.) After successful implantation, the other embryos, the siblings of the lucky implanted ones, are terminated or frozen. Moreover, if the pregnancy results in multiples, because all embryos implant, there is often an abortion to reduce the pregnancy to something safer. Some mothers refuse to do this and you get “Octomom.” I respect them for not terminating their children, but it definitely made for some very high-risk pregnancies. The fact is if you are going to say that you believe something, you cannot pick and choose what it applies to. The evidence points to life begins at conception which means artificial methods of conception need to be looked at as well. I touched on this in my viability argument and I’ll just post that again here:

What about embryo adoption though? Did you know that that is possible? That that is even being done? It has already happened that parents who use IVF, and have no further need for the other embryos they have frozen allow other couples who cannot conceive naturally to adopt them. It has been called the earliest form of adoption. Well, how does this fit into the viability idea? If you can take an embryo and implant it into someone else’s womb? What if you can develop artificial wombs? What if you can remove a fetus in the first trimester and still keep it alive? The whole viability argument makes me feel a bit uncomfortable to be honest, because it is so inherently subjective.

As a side note, I wonder how those embryos who were adopted feel when they grow up. They know that they weren’t the lucky embryo chosen by their biological parents. They were the one frozen, unwanted, and then lucky enough to be granted a chance to truly live when they were given up for adoption. How do they feel knowing they have a biological sibling living with a different set of parents? That maybe they have more still frozen? When an infant is given up for adoption, it is usually a loving decision based upon the mother’s, and possibly even the father’s, recognition that they cannot care for the child. Frozen embryos though…they’re just children, or potential children if you don’t recognise them as being alive, stuck in a freezer. Their parents just have no need for them.

Since I’m on the subject I’ll just go all out and talk about that last point too: The family. 

I remember reading an article years and years ago about how in a family one child was given away, and one was allowed to stay. It was years ago, so I remember few of the details, but I do remember the parent was confused that the child who stayed kept acting out. Surely since she was the one who was kept, she would have felt more safe? In truth though, the child felt worse because she never felt “safe” in a family where people left. She learned that being loved seemed to be conditional. She wanted to know what the limits were for her. When would she be sent away? 

I was conceived right after my mother miscarried my elder brother. He was miscarried so late, he was almost born stillborn, but if he had been born, I would never have been conceived. It’s a crazy thought to me, because I was almost miscarried too. (My mom really struggled to carry a pregnancy to term.) I think sometimes about how it could have been James that was born, and me that was lost. As a consequence, I view my life as even more of a miracle then it already is. My brother died and I was able to live. It’s a humbling thought, and I can’t take it lightly. James is a part of my life, and while my family and I don’t speak of him often, when we do it is with love and grief and respect. My mother even cried once saying she could never have chosen between us, and she wishes she could have raised us both. I often find I want to live a good life, for his sake, as well as my own, and my family’s, and others. James is as important to me. I don’t want to waste the gift I was granted. I wonder though how it would feel if James had been aborted instead. There are, of course, few studies done on the siblings of aborted children, but what I have found indicates grief, anger, and survivor’s guilt–especially those who were once part of multiples that were “selectively reduced”. There have even been developed support groups for the siblings of aborted children who are struggling with it. Abortion rocks the entire family.

One woman who works at a Pregnancy Counselling Centre stated:

“Abortion teaches children that they have worth because they were conceived in the right conditions and at the right time; that they have value because their parents want them. Up to 50% of all American children have lost a brother or a sister to abortion, making it much more likely that they live with a performance view of love: I was born because I was wanted therefore I better perform so they will continue to love me.”

I imagine this is particularly understandable for those who were kept because they were a girl or a boy, and the parents wanted a girl or a boy rather than the opposite sex. Do you only love me because I’m the right gender? 

The above woman also said:

“I think one of the most difficult things for me to face is a woman who is attempting to justify an abortion for the sake of her other children. I always want to tell them…the best thing for her little ones is to have a brother or a sister. In fact, explaining to sons and daughters a few years in the future as to why they aborted their sibling will probably be the most difficult thing they will ever do[.]”

One sibling described how her mother felt unequal to raising a fourth child so aborted the baby. She was left wondering if she’d been that fourth child, would she have been aborted? It’s an uncomfortable question. Love is unconditional, and that should never be in question, and neither should someone’s right to live. These concepts go hand in hand. The value of a life does not rest on it’s convenience, gender, or health.  

This is the heart of the pro-life movement. It is about the inherent dignity of all human life from conception to natural death. It means to be so respectful of the dignity of the human person, you could not fathom supporting anything that would harm them. It means such a fundamental respect for human life that you do not terminate it, rather you do everything you can to support it. It means a respect for life so deep that you do not take the risks of having sex if you aren’t willing to carry a pregnancy, however unlikely it is to occur, to term. It means looking at children as blessing not burdens. It means loving the people you have in your life, young, old, or middle-aged whatever their physical or mental state. It means asking yourself the difficult question: Are people an inconvenience to you? It means pushing for better maternity leave, paternity leave, social services, health care, foster care, adoption services, palliative care, and so on and so forth. More than that, it means being willing to pitch-in and help out yourself. It’s not just about what happens in the abortion clinic. To truly believe in life and love means making a commitment. It will not always be easy, but it is worth it. Abortion may be the “easy” option, but it is not the best one. It shouldn’t even be option at all, and it is devastating in basically every way. 

[hirakdesherrani]

I was going through your blog, and you seem to criticize Shivaay a lot. But you don't seem to criticize Om as much who is no good either. I know Om started out good but after his character was butchered, there is no difference. At least Shivaay has shown a great character progression, and as of now he is the better man and husband. Not to attack you, 'cos I know everyone has their favs, but Omkara has flaws too.

Okay, so this ask has been licking dust in my inbox for weeks now. At the cost of seeming rude, I didn’t answer it ‘cos I just didn’t know what to reply, and tbh, didn’t feel like replying either.

Anyways, I’ll try now.

First things first anon, this is the first time someone has implied that Omkara is a fav of mine, which is farthest from the truth. Most of the times, I’m accused of hating on him ‘cos I’m blind Gauri stan, who’s white-knighting on her behalf (or so ppl believe). Secondly, LMAO anon, if only you had bothered to go back to posts I made last year, you would’ve seen how much I’ve criticized Om, much more than Shivaay, believe me.

Coming to your statements, lets see.

(Disclaimer: I’m in no way comparing abuse and saying who’s the worst among the two. Both are pathetic and don’t deserve the blessed presence of ‘any’ female in their lives, AniRi toh bahut dur ki baat hai.)

For the Shivaay v/s Omkara thing you mentioned:

As a husband, Shivaay >>>> Omkara. No explanations needed. (Post-their resolution of conflicts)

As a man, Omkara >>>> Shivaay, for the simple reason, that when Gauri told Omkara to GTFO, he accepted her decision and left. Unlike Shivaay, who took it upon himself to decide Gauri’s fate, because he thinks that he knows what’s better for Gauri than Gauri herself, which is damn patronizing. That Gauri chose to forgive Om is her prerogative, Shivaay orchestrating the kidnap was wrong. What if Gauri did not want to return to the Oberoi hellhole, then? Would he have kept her in the Oberoi mansion against her will, just to make his brother happy? I found the whole thing hard to digest, it was funny no doubt, but the underlying message was problematic.

As for character progression, well of course Shivaay has shown greater progression, because in the beginning of the show he’s a damn sociopath. Shivaay starts out as this Lucius Malfoy kinda character, who has rules about blood and lineage, who is proud about his ‘Naam, khoonn, khaandaan’ (just like pureblood nonsense) and calls Annika “road trash” (‘Mudbloods’?). Shivaay starts out from the very bottom, so obviously his growth will be greater. Omkara has his flaws, but as a character he was always better than Shivaay. Even in DBO when he was at the very worst of his graph, he still intervened to save a girl’s life, who he judged and hated, because that was the right thing to do. 

Both Shivaay and Omkara were put in the same situation re: Tia and Gauri. Both of them suspected that Tia and Gauri are lying about the pregnancy, and both had just cause to suspect. However, Shivaay never took any interest in Tia’s pregnancy, which made sense, because Tia was trapping him and he knew the child wasn’t his. It was Annika, in fact, who saved Tia from a miscarriage and actually cared for the baby indirectly, when she had all the reason to hate Tia and the child, because Annika is a kind soul.

Compare this to Omkara, who though acted as the judge, jury and executioner and decided that Gauri was not fit to mother that child (asshole!), but still actively cared for the unborn child who he suspected was not his own. We, as an audience, knew that Shivaay is right in his place, and Omkara is wrong in accusing Gauri. But as characters both Shivaay and Omkara were at the same situation, that is, they were unaware of what the other party had in mind.

Another reason why Shivaay’s character progression or redemption, has better sketched out, is because he is acutely aware of all the wrongs he perpetrated against Annika. Each and every instance, from suspecting Annika of selling the video to the media to the Daksh fiasco, every single misunderstanding has been cleared. But Omkara is not even aware of all the wrongs he committed against Gauri. Till date Omkara does not know the whole truth about Kali Thakur. He still only has a vague idea that he misjudged Gauri, that maybe she was forced into the wedding. The fact that Gauri was kept in chains, she was about to be married to three grooms, they were planning to make her their common sex slave for life, all this is still unknown to him. Even the buamaa truth, that Gauri was not lying when Kali captured Buamaa or even the fact that Gauri was not attempting to drown Buamaa in the swimming pool (for which he called the cops); all this is STILL unknown to him. How can he make reparations for everything he did in DBO, when he doesn’t even know the extent of all his sins in DBO?

And again, at the cost of repeating myself, even at his worst, Omkara did not derive any diabolic pleasure in ruining Gauri’s life. Unlike Shivaay, who put Annika in jail just because she refused to apologize for his arrogance. Annika would still be rotting in prison, if Dadi hadn’t bailed her out and Omkara hadn’t knocked some sense into Shivaay. Shivaay repeatedly fucked with Annika’s life and tried to make her miserable only for his ego. Annika was always at Shivaay’s mercy because Shivaay always used his power to abuse Annika.Contrast this to Omkara, Gauri was never at his mercy. Gauri was held hostage by the situation and had to return to the Oberoi mansion to save his dumb ass, but she was never at Omkara’s mercy. He did not make it a hobby to make her life difficult because that gives him sadistic pleasure. Omkara just wanted to get rid of Gauri and throw her out of his life. Which still makes him an asshole, but in all ways better than Shivaay. It’s just that Shivaay appears better than Omkara during DBO and after, because Shivaay was at the highest point in his character arc that time, while Omkara was at the lowest.

Coming to the last thing you mentioned about character flaws in Omkara. Sure, Omkara has a LOT of character flaws, you’re absolutely right there, anon. And those flaws are there even in IB 2016, its just that the audience puts him on a pedestal without analyzing his character properly, which is why the fall in DBO seems much more evident.

His biggest flaw is that he is STUPID. Like all the other problems and minor flaws emerge because of his sheer stupidity. Okay, that came out wrong. Omkara in the beginning of IB, is a Kalidas kind of character, who cuts the branch on which he is sitting. Unfortunately, stupidity is not seen as a character flaw, so most of the audience let it go. No wonder Om gets conned all the time, by Roop bua, Ishaana, Riddhima, Ranveer, etc. 

Because he is stupid, Omkara cannot understand the nuances of human beings. All his associated flaws, be it seeing things in black and white, or truth and lies, is because he cannot see the ‘grey’ or the ‘in-between’. To see and understand the grey, one needs brains and that Omkara does not possess.

Another thing is that most of the fandom thought that Om is more gender-equal than his brothers. But he has always been pretty misogynist from the beginning. 

Omkara put women in boxes. One was the good but victimized women (Box A): Jahnvi, Annika, even Pinky to an extent, who tolerated a lot of BS from their partners. And the other were women like Riddhima, Ishaana, Tia, who lied or used men for their own benefits (Box B). Of course, the worst was Svetty who was the ‘home breaker’ in his eyes. The first time he was confronted with this issue he chose to break up with Riddhima and Shivaay had to intervene and explain him that people are not good or bad, there is also the grey. The funny thing is that Om, who judged women harshly, never held Shivaay to the same standards. If he judged Shivaay in the same way, then he would have to put him in the category of bad people, which he refused to do. Hypocrisy much?

The second time when Omkara faces a similar choice, is when Mallika ran away from her wedding. Omkara categorically says that what Mallika did was wrong, even though he understands what compelled her. Again in that situation its Annika who makes Shivaay see sense, because Annika is an empathetic person. 

The thing is, whenever Om clashes with a ‘bad’ woman a/c to his judgments, he reacts badly. He was about to hit/get violent with both Ishana and Riddhima when he came to know of their betrayal. In both the cases, his brothers intervened and stopped him. Similarly he manhandles Svetty, after the whole engagement fiasco. 

The audience never held him accountable that time, because these women were wrong/used him. But the point is that even if these women were wrong, Omkara was also wrong in misbehaving with them. Manhandling or threatening assault to any woman is never right. 

This flaw comes in sharp focus only when Omkara meets Gauri, because unlike the other women before her Gauri is blameless. 

You mentioned the butchering anon. I know we all talk about how Omkara did a 360 degree in personality in DBO, even I say that. But in all honesty, he wasn’t butchered in DBO. His dark side which was suppressed in IB, came out in DBO. Like I explained before, Omkara was always violent with women who fell in category B. That coupled with his stupidity, which is why everyone cons him, spelled disaster for his equation with Gauri. 

If I have to be critical, Omkara was butchered badly only four times in the show (IB+DBO). When he throws money at Gauri’s face and crashes his car into her shop, when he leaves her to die at Kali Thakur’s hands after Chulbul reveal (which undid the very fact that he saved her from the villagers in similar situations the first time), when he shows complete lack of regret/guilt after Gauri leaves him post-inspiration argument and when he was drinking hot chocolate and going off to sleep after returning from Bareilly (instead of properly angstying and expressing regret in solitude) 

Coming back to the misogynist flaw, Omkara by the end of DBO did not know in which box to put Gauri in: due to all the lies and what he saw in Bareilly, he wanted to put her in Box B, but Gauri also put her life at stake multiple times to save his ass which confused him. On top of that, Gauri is not like Jahnvi or Annika who will stay with him despite all the shit he pulled. Gauri leaves immediately after the inspiration fuck up, which puzzled Omkara because Jahnvi never left despite the shit Tej did or Annika did not leave despite how Shivaay continued to insult her after their forced wedding. Annika in fact asked Omkara and Rudy to forgive Shivaay for the forced wedding BS that he did. [One reason why Omkara and Rudy misbehaved with Gauri, Soumya and Bhavya was because they internalized Shivaay’s behavior, ‘cos they saw that Annika forgave him despite everything, so they never expected these girls to dump their ass.]

I know a lot of people felt Omkara was OOC in many scenes in DBO. But actually on second thoughts he was like that in IB too, its just that in Ishana’s or Riddhima’s cases it was a one-off incident, but Gauri was forced to continue living in his presence to save him from Svetty and Buamaa, which made Om even more suspicious and thus, even more violent/verbally abusive. 

Baar haal, when you say character progression, sure Shivaay has progressed a lot from where he began. Omkara by comparison, had character flaws which he overcame post-break up with Gauri, when he realizes how wrong his stereotyping has been all this while, and how messed up his ideologies are. He learnt his lesson, and tried to implement that too, when he himself resorted to lies (as Dilpreet) to win back Gauri’s forgiveness. Character progression is more marked in Shivaay’s case because he started as a villain and went on to become a decent human being, whereas Omkara was in general a decent guy, with faulty judgments and anger management issues, which he sorta overcame. Of course, his stupidity cannot be cured. If one is stupid, then when is stupid, iska koi iilaaj nahi hai. Which is why he has a smart brother and wife to take care of him. 

I know you were not ‘attacking’ me for my choices, anon, but I thought to make it clear anyways. And hopefully, after this longass reply, nobody sends me an ask about the Obros, because writing about them just shoots my blood pressure.

[ariainstars]

OP here. Sigh.

I should have imagined my post would get misinterpreted. Please read it again.

Did I write anywhere that I’m actually glad Ben is dead? No. Quite the contrary. Did I write that I dislike the character and find him toxic? No. Did I write that I am anti-Reylo? No, I stated that I’m a Reylo myself. Did I write that Reylo fanfiction should be avoided since “their relationship is toxic”? No. I wrote that there is a large corner of Reylo fans who seem to enjoy toxic relationships. This explicitly is not aimed at everyone. I added that I have read quite a few Reylo fanfictions which I found really good. Did I write “redemption equals death”? Did I? No. I didn’t. I merely stated that I would have found it sappy had Ben been saved by True Love (whatever True Love is supposed to be like).

Please, just try to imagine what would have happened if the trilogy would indeed have ended with Ben getting saved / redeemed by Rey and the two of them getting their happy ever after.

Fanfiction was already bursting with Rich Bad Boy and Poor Tough Girl stories years ago. It didn’t get any better although a) the trilogy is concluded, and b) one would assume that at least the trope ought to get old.

If the sequels had ended the way many Reylo’s expected it, we would never have heard the end of it. We are not hearing the end of it until now. Some fans seem to be incapable to interpret “love” in any other way than as a mixture of violence and wealth.

I don’t hate Rey, I don’t hate Ben, I don’t hate the two of them together. But I find the Fifty Shades of Grey / Twilight interpretation highly dubious. Girl who feels unattractive and unwanted catches Trophy Husband who's both hot and rich and "forgives" the evil things he did (and still does) because it appeases her own vanity. Great. If I had daughters, I would be very worried about them learning about “love” in such a way and how it might influence their own love lives. I know from experience that the stories you grow up with form your expectations and can lead you astray.

I did not like Episode IX (except for a few scenes), I would love for Ben to get another chance, I would be happy if he and Rey could get a happy ending after all. I have not given up hope on whatever the Disney studios still have in store. Characters have died in Star Wars and come back over and over.

But please, not in a way that encourages the Rich Bad Boy and Poor Tough Girl any more. There must be healthier ways to interpret “love”.

When Rey first met Ben, she realized that he was afraid of “never being as strong as Darth Vader”. Well, he grew even stronger. He killed Snoke and took his place, and he managed to bring her back to life. The point is that his power didn’t make him happy. Only when he was stripped of everything and realized that she did care for him after all, we saw him smile for the first and last time.

Reylo is not meant to be toxic and it never was. Rey rejected Ben over and over and kissed him only when she realized that he had come back from the Dark Side, although he had not done so thanks to her. The message is not that Big Bad Boy is a nice conquest, on the contrary, it is that a man finds love only when he has given up all his power. Remember Anakin and Han: both their women declared their love to them when the men were at their weakest. Star Wars has never encouraged toxic relationships. The trouble is that many fans interpret love and sexuality this way and try to fit the Star Wars narrative into their expectations by hook or by crook.

I’m glad the sequels ended the way they did because the toxic corner of the Reylo fandom did not need any more ammunition. That is all.

Please stop misreading me. I am not anti Reylo or anti Ben / Kylo or a supporter of "redemption equals death". Thank you.

Ben Solo? Sorry. Maybe He’s Better Off Dead.

I have read it more times than I can count: Ben Solo shouldn’t have died, that’s what one side of the fandom says. The other side argues “Reylo’s have destroyed Star Wars.”

Both are right. And both are wrong in a way.

Yes, I was disappointed when Ben Solo died at the end of the sequel trilogy. He was by far my favorite character, the most intriguing of the movies and one of the most interesting of the entire saga.

My husband argued for years that they couldn’t let a patricide and multiple killer live, let alone give him a happy ending. And I myself was skeptical when it came to the popular Reylo interpretation that “their love” would save the day. Apart from the fact that it would have fitted a romance but not an action movie; important as personal developments and relationships always are in the saga, it would have been sappy.

However, since this is the Skywalker saga, I figured that they couldn’t kill the last of their blood; and since the Force wants Balance and this was heavily foreshadowed in The Last Jedi, I imagined Ben, alone or with Rey’s help, would somehow find the key to this balance and pass it on. Had that happened, at least his death would have had some meaning. The Rise of Skywalker was an unsatisfying ending because it brought the saga back to zero, with a Palpatine in charge and no hero in sight. I still don’t like it. But as for Ben Solo, I sometimes think that maybe this was the best ending for him after all.

One great mistake I made was to spend too much time on social media after having seen The Last Jedi, a movie that I was and still am enthusiastic about. I quickly learned to keep away from the toxic parts of the fandom and found myself mostly among Ben Solo and Adam Driver fans, romantic souls who obviously expected some Disney-style happy ending. It was nice to exchange thoughts and dive deeper into the saga’s theme together with these fans. The downside was that we all set our hopes high and fed off each other’s energies expecting with too much certainty that Ben would get his happy ending.

And that’s not the worst part.

The most annoying part of the fandom, for me, has become the realm of Reylo fanfiction.

While I have read some that are very good, by now I am fed up with the probably most common Reylo trope: “poor, tough girl and rich bad boy”. Yes, I know that we read and write fanfiction only for entertainment, but isn’t it going a little too far when in every second Reylo fanfiction you stumble on the Fifty Shades of Grey narrative?

The morals of such stories are more than dubious, you can call me narrow-minded and old fashioned all you want. Poor girl meets guy who is tall, dark and fascinating, finds that sex with him is lots of fun, and the fact that he’s a billionaire doesn’t hurt either. (A millionaire is no longer enough: nowadays to give a girl everything she wants, billions are necessary. I wonder what she could possibly need.) Of course the hero has some dark, distant past, like having killed and tortured people, but that only adds to his fascination. The fact that he wears Armani and drives a Maserati only adds to his charm. Poor girl, not having had a family growing up and no education, has a low inhibition threshold, so she enjoys kinky sex with the bad guy, can’t get away from him because “his tormented soul needs her”, and because the wicked things he did or still does add spice to their sexual relation; besides, he can offer her silk dresses, a brand-new luxury apartment and jewels the size of rocks. Either she’s so poor that she is dazed by all the magnificence, or she’s doing well enough but she will take what she can, even if he did not earn all his money but inherited it or got it the criminal way. Besides, rich boy and his girlfriend don’t have to worry about old socks lying around, empty pantries and overcooked meals, since he can afford plenty of servants for such boring, mundane tasks. Of course she will forgive him and love him - who would let such a magnificent fish slip through her fingers?

Strangely, these stories are seen as highly romantic and interpreted as “love can conquer everything”. In the end, rich boy turns good again, they will be together courtesy or her forgiveness, and they can spend the rest of their lives having much more money than any person could reasonably spend in an entire lifetime. Oh well, maybe a few of their friends will get underpaid jobs. The big chunk of the cake is carried away by poor but smart girl who knows how to wrap rich bad boy around her little finger.

These are not only a few bad apples. I have stumbled on this cliché (and stopped reading these fanfictions when I realized where they were going) dozens of times. It doesn’t get better although the sequel trilogy is concluded by now. I don’t even know where the idea came from in the first place, maybe due to Ben being a princess’ son; but we never saw any hint at Ben’s youth and whether he lived in abundance or not. And I’m fed up.

No, wealth should not make a guy attractive. No, the fact that he’s capable of killing and torturing also shouldn’t make him attractive. No, if a man you hardly know gives you expensive stuff it’s not a proof of “true love”. No, it ought not to be fun to have sex with a ruthless guy who just so happens to have a soft spot for you. No, love is not a magic power that makes everyone better, and most of all, richer.

Those of you who also read fanfiction: have you ever wondered why so many Reylo fanfiction are set in modern times? Right - because it makes it easier to turn Kylo Ren / Ben Solo into a thinly veiled Christian Grey. Or maybe Edward Cullen. In any case, for mysterious reasons average girl meets dream prince not where he’s hiding away in a castle but at Starbucks or McDonald’s, like a billionaire would ever go there, “love” takes over, and you can imagine the rest without having to read it.

And please don’t tell me that this is only fiction and that we can consume kinky stuff responsibly. The stories you read or watch, in particular growing up, have an influence on your mind, no matter how aware you are that they’re not reality. Pornography is no more realistic than a Disney movie. Poor tough girl finding love and happiness with rich bad guy is extremely unlikely to happen. But such stories are consumed over and over and countless girls and women sigh about them, fooling themselves that their minds are too superior to get contaminated. Believe me, they’re not. I have been married a while now and looking back I often shake my head at the stories I used to read and how far detached they were from reality. And yet they made me unhappy, because for many years I subconsciously believed that “love” is only real when it happens a certain way.

I’m sorry for Ben Solo, not only because he’s dead but mostly for what many Reylo’s have made of him. I’m beginning to think that maybe he’s better off dead than bestowing diamonds and designer shoes to girls who apparently have no quality except for the fact that they are not afraid of him.

I’m glad the Disney studios have retained enough morals not to have paved the road for more of this mentality. This is not Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast, where the peasant girl marries the prince and they live happily ever after. Ben Solo has a terrible past and that needs to be approached. That he’s dark and brooding and allegedly rich should not make everything he did forgivable. Even if he had no other way to go, he gave in to his frustration by killing and believing this would make him stronger. “Love” is not a sponge that wipes away the past. A man was still formed by the life he led before he met the girl, he’s not born again through their love because she has decided to project all of her expectations onto him. This is a toxic and highly unrealistic expectation on the female side, and I wouldn’t want to know how many girls and woman have been made unhappy because they believe it.

A main mistake Reylo’s who expected a happy ending made was not to consider that most fans only watch the movies, where we learn little to nothing about Ben Solo’s past. That Palpatine whispered in his head is only hinted at in the third movie; he says his father disappointed him but not why; we never see him talk to his mother; his uncle failed him but that was obviously only the last straw for him. Only reading the novels and comics and interpreting them from Ben’s point of view a fan realizes the tragedy of his situation. Technically, he’s the villain. Yes, it’s of course good that he redeems himself, but it’s not Rey who saves him through her love, there are many factors pushing him back to the Light. His redemption was heavily foreshadowed and he more than earned it. Did he deserve a happy ending with Rey? No. They were very different and they hardly knew one another. She was repeatedly unnecessarily aggressive towards him, and he was the main villain. She did not “deserve him” and he did not “deserve her.”

For very many Reylo’s, all of that seems to make little difference. They are both sexy, that’s enough. Of course bad boy from blue blood he must get married to good but poor girl and have plenty of hot sex with her. It doesn’t matter if they fit together, and how their past can fit the picture: they must get their happy ending because the cliché expects it. Rich sexy guy can’t die, even if he was a ruthless killer who slaughtered innocent and disarmed people for years. Poor tough girl can’t remain alone because she deserves a guy who will do anything for her, even change sides and his whole character, and the fact that he can shower her with jewels doesn’t hurt either.

I can only speak for myself. But I find these expectations both trite and immoral. There is nothing “romantic” about them and I’m glad nothing came of that in the saga. As long as I only met these tropes in fan stories from time to time I just shrugged them off, but they have become unbearable. What ideas do some fanfiction authors have of love? How sick and distorted is it to assume that money and sex are what keeps a couple together? Do two people really need nothing more in common? Can differences in upbringing, attitude and past experiences simply be swept away by passion and diamonds? In a so-called bodice-ripper perhaps. One of the reasons why I like Star Wars is that for all of its mysticism and symbolism, it’s psychologically very realistic.

I would be happy for Ben Solo to get a second chance, and after all, Anakin in a sense had two lives too. It only seems fair. Maybe he could meet Rey again some day and they could give it a new start.

But rich sexy bad guy and poor sexy tough girl riding into the sunset, where kinky sex and wealth are waiting for them?

This is not romantic in the least. This is capitalism at absurdum - not only having More Money Than You Could Ever Spend and Never Having to Lift a Finger Unless for Pleasure, but also Having Done Nothing to Earn It, except feeling entitled to it for obscure reasons.

No. I’m sorry, Reylo’s, but in my opinion both Ben and Rey deserve something more meaningful than that. Ben is better off dead than reduced to a sex fiend with an unlimited credit card; and Rey is better off alone than wearing designer clothes over lace underwear and handcuffs. These ideas are a slap in the face of their dignity and neither romantic nor erotic. They wouldn’t have fitted the Star Wars saga either, and they wouldn’t have been in line with Disney’s moral standards. Maybe the studios had other plans at first, but honestly: if these disgusting tropes don’t get any more fodder than the first two movies already gave them, it’s for the better. I believe young people, in particular young women who read fanfiction, need something different than sex, violence and riches to form their ideas of what love and partnership should look like.

The Jedi didn’t deserve to be wiped out; their mindset deserved it. Ben didn’t deserve to die; what he has become a stand-in for in the eyes of countless female fans can’t die too quickly.

Give Ben Solo another chance? Any time. But please, not like this. And please leave Adam Driver alone, his sexiness is no excuse to morph him into a f*** toy.

Please be respectful in your comments, these are only my personal points of view and no one asks you to agree. Thank you.

[girl4music]

My thoughts and feelings on these recent Hurricanes in America (minority opinion, long so read at own disgression)

Maybe a Hurricane is taking America because Mother Nature wants to fight back against Trump and his supporters. When the privileged already have everything they could possibly want... why is it they want to take it all from others? This is coming from a privileged white person by the way. But I consider myself to be an "illegal alien" too because I know I don't belong here. Even if I might be brought up privileged, I am with all those that aren't and would gladly give all I have over to them in a heartbeat. I have everything and I don't want anything more. It's never made me happy. What would make me happy is for everyone to be treated equally. I assure you that my mind, my heart and my soul do not belong on this planet although my physical self stays rooted to it. I am an alien to the Earth. I always have been. I have never belonged to it. I have never owned it. I have never felt a part of it. And I am with those that feel the same, no matter what country they're from, no matter what race they are, no matter what status they have. I am a white privileged girl and I don't deserve any of it. I do not share the racist and facist rhetoric other white privileged people do. If you're an alien, then I'm an alien. I am with you. Always! I am a firm believer in the phrase that money doesn't give you happiness. It gives you opportunities. But when you feel unloved, it won't mean a damn thing. So whatever that money could buy couldn't provide what compassion could. There is no price on kindness therefore no price could ever buy it. Humans should give it out willingly. This world is so twisted, so upside down, so wrong. Countries that have nothing are considered the enemies. It makes no sense to me. I don't see people as different coloured skittles. I don't see people as a chess board of black and white and where it’s a game to see who can win over the other. I know who already reigns as King. And it's wrong. It's all wrong. So I am sympathetic to those that have fled their country to feel safer. Even though they still aren't. Why should I feel sorry for those that are finally experiencing pain, loss and trauma? The same they've made others feel. Why should I offer a sympathetic hand to them? They don't deserve it. They need to learn a lesson. These natural disasters are happening to them because they need a taste of their own medicine. They need to feel the grief they make others feel. They need to learn for themselves how fucking awful it is to lose everything they have to something they have no control over. Harvey and Irma are their just desserts. Yes, I realize there is many that don't deserve it. But Mother Nature has to attack the central area of ignorant privileged motherfuckers. The captain has to eventually go down with his ship.

I am now speaking to those ignorant privileged motherfuckers that commit to hurt others rather than help them. If the shoe fits, this is to you. Oh, I'm being cruel am I? I'm laughing at people's expense, am I? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you crying these pathetic excuses when you were causing the same cruelty and humiliation to others. Big babies. You'll get out of it. You always do. But let's see which one's stronger anyway. You'll have to forgive my sarcasm. It's my first language. I'm afraid plain English doesn't suffice when talking to you. The people you consider "illegal aliens" face issues like this every day, only Mother Nature isn't the one dishing it out. You are! If you read the Torah, which I’m doubting you ever have, you will have read about how God through his messenger, Moses, brought down the 10 plagues on the privileged side of Egypt. I don’t care how “fucked up” it is to say this, but I'm on the hurricanes side. God didn't care when he brought the 10 plagues down on Egypt. So consider me Moses. You have to ask yourselves whether it all just happens at random and if it really is a coincidence. Where the most civil unrest is happening, these Hurricanes are also happening. They are not a coincedence. I swear by it.

Fear is a great motivator. You never fear something to the point where you want to kill it, unless deep inside you feel like you haven't got it and can’t admit to it. What it is and what you feel are two entirely different things. You can be at the top and feel like you're at the bottom. You can be at the bottom and feel like you’re at the top. Perspective matters. The poorest people on Earth are the happiest. It's because they view what little they have as absolutely everything they'll ever need. You're so poor, all you have is money which keeps you at the top. So here is what you must do if you want to feel like you are at the top. GIVE BACK! Pull somebody you've always pushed down up with you. Then you will deserve to feel it. You must do good to earn your redemption. Give out what you've always taken for granted to those that actually need it. Learn your lessons. Acknowledge your privilege. And provide consolidation and compassion to those that have never had it. You’ll feel better and God will have mercy on you. God doesn't want you to pray to him. He wants you to help others. He wants you to give compassion to those who desperately need it. He wants you to realize that you do not own any part of the world and that you can't prevent any human from taking residence in it. Violence against violence should never be needed, but Mother Nature doesn't care anymore. She wants you to learn the lessons you always ignore. So when that Hurricane comes roving it's way through your town, think about that. Because if you can't learn for yourselves the meaning of loss, Mother Nature will make sure you do. You deserve what's coming to you. I only feel sorry for the ones who don't deserve it. Who have to be caught up in your mess. You shouldn’t think these Hurricanes are just a coincedence, a simple happenstance or bad luck. You bring this on yourselves so this is your oppotunity to redeem yourselves. Start to protect and defend those you've hurt and damaged. I have no sympathy for you. You need this. You need to learn this kind of pain because it's only a problem when it personally affects you. Otherwise it's just a procedure. Well, this is karma and she ain't playing with procedures! You want to get out of her hurricane unscathed, then help somebody else. Take time to attend to the needs of another who has never had the same medical aid you are privileged with for just being the colour you are and living in the country you live in legally.

I can guarantee you if this was personally happening to me and the Hurricane was coming for me, my first move would be to make sure my loved ones got to safety over myself. Then I'd go back to help those who I may not personally know if it looked like they need help too. Because I have never deserved the life I live. I've caused people so much pain. I have treated people like shit. I am making amends for the horrible excuse for a human being I was. I don't care to keep myself safe from harm anymore. I care to help, protect and defend others. And I know I will never ultimately redeem myself. I know I will never make up for everything I've done. But I'm going to try anyway. At no price. At no offering of any kind. At no ulterior motive. Just to pay for my sins. I do not feel sympathy to those who are just like I used to be. I battle against them to stand for the Greater Good. Just like Xena: Warrior Princess has taught me. I was a bad person. I still am in some ways. I still have the attitude and horrid temper of a bully. Only I use it for good now. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't want anyone to pray for me. What I want them to do is help those who have it much worse. Because now at this point in my life, I will always do the same. It's the only priority I have today. To serve others. To be their protector, if they'll have me. So what I suggest to you, from one white privileged person to another, is to do the same. Give back because you don't deserve all that you have. Most of what you possess should belong to others who have way less. They rightfully deserve it because it was taken from them to begin with. You need to give it back willingly and sincerely and make this planet a balanced, peaceful and prosperous place again. For EVERYONE. That is your purpose. Now do it! Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Crying for help from the Hurricane and complaining about why it's happening to you. Do something! Help others. Protect others. Save others. Put them before yourself. Give out what you can to give them a better chance at survival over yourself.

To conclude this post... Mother Nature is fighting back and will make you taste your own payed for medicine. Your leader, Donald Trump, doesn't believe in climate change. Well, he is about to see it for himself. I wonder if he will have a change of heart or stay ignorant. It's all a learning process. Whether you come out of it alive is entirely up to you. Mother Nature takes no sides. God has no discrimination despite what you read about in the Christian bible. They only seek to keep the planet in balance. Those that deserve it will get out alive. Those that don’t, won’t. You might survive if you help others.

This is the only time I will ever repeat Donald Trump's words.

"Good Luck”

[therecoversite]

Where do 12 step or self help programs fit in the program ?

New Post has been published on https://therecoverdev.wpengine.com/where-do-12-step-or-self-help-programs-fit-in-the-program/

Where do 12 step or self help programs fit in the program ?

The 12 Steps were developed by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to develop standards for the best method to overcome an addiction to alcohol. The program acquired enough success in its early years than other addiction support systems to adjust the actions to their own requirements.

There are numerous 12-step programs for NA as well as different dependencies and compulsive habits, varying from Cocaine Anonymous to Debtors Anonymous, all using the very same 12 Step approaches.

The majority of drug addiction treatment programs encourage clients to take part in group therapy throughout and after formal treatment. These groups use an included layer of community-level social assistance to help individuals in recovery with abstinence and other healthy lifestyle goals.

Although the 12 Steps are heavy on spirituality, numerous nonreligious people have discovered the program profoundly useful. The language stresses the existence of God as each individual understands him, encouraging various analyses and religions.

What are the 12 steps?

Step 1

It challenges the concept that no matter what, an individual has at the very end of the day their free will choice. Humanities’ belief that mindful choice is at the structure of its presence and comprises among the stronger concepts in both belief based and non belief based societies.

The difficulty addicts deal with is the belief that they can favorably actualize their built complimentary choice, even when it’s clear to everybody else that their addiction has actually taken their free choice away. It is this extreme loss of their free choice that makes them helpless over their actions (whether they include drug abuse or another sort of addiction associated action), to the point where their lives have actually ended up being uncontrollable.

That fact that the inner human condition is one, which can misguide one’s self into thinking that crises are self workable and conquerable by one’s own will is the bypassing concept that has to be eliminated by the addict if there is any hope of taking their life back from addiction. Step 1 is essential to the whole procedure of the 12 Step recovery because without it, there can be no improvement.

Step 2

This starts the climb from the darkness of misery for the addict. The sources for this step are limitless and discover their roots in the bible itself. By offering the addict a connection with the infinite, Step 2 develops a structure rooted in hope. A procedure of self nullification or a minimum of the nullification of the addicting self accompanies Step 2, yet this step can just happen when the addict connects to a greater, unlimited power.

A turning point, step 2 has, is that some roots in the work of Carl Jung, who argued simply said that a spiritual change was needed to conquer an addiction, without which the addict dealt with madness or death. To puts it simply, step 2 needs a desire to make the change and determination to accept help from a source outside one’s self. The “power higher than ourselves” has actually been the topic of some debate in a big part since it is so unclear.

Step 3

Step 3 has actually gathered a great deal of criticism for many years, however the unfavorable reactions needs to do frequently with one’s own connection to a “G-d Concept” instead of the step itself. Possibly the producers of Step 3 ought to have used “unlimited sources” rather, however the message is equal. Step 3 ends up being the first totally free willed choice the addict undertakes after surrendering his/her free choice to addiction. Step 3 needs to be seen in this context. It remains in truth that this step releases the addict to recovery.

Step 4

This is a proactive type of self-questioning. The addict digs to his/her core being and as they dig, they release themselves from the waste that they gathered within, obscuring their judgment. The open area they clean out by making this “moral inventory” even more enables the greater source, discussed in Step 2 and Step 3 to settle. If anything this is the favorable effect of Step 4.

Step 5

Step 5 sounds a lot like “confession,” however in truth it ought to be viewed as releasing these “desires” and “preliminary options” discussed in Step 4. By speaking out this inner luggage the addict starts to let go of the important things which have actually pestered she or he for several years.

Step 6

It starts an inner filtration if you will. By the addict sublimating himself or herself to a greater source an inner cleaning occurs. Its this inner cleaning that enables the addict to feel restored and therefore start once again.

Step 6 starts the addict on a course to spiritual and inner maturity, causing them to feel distanced from  what was once the horror and misery of addiction and draw close to the joy of inner and external peace. Naturally this is a procedure and in the start, permitting these problems to end up being gotten rid of may really be terrible like severing one’s limb from it’s body, however in truth a lovely flower exists inside and through the shedding of these problems through the connection to a limitless source, the flower will have the ability to bloom.

Step 6 is not task-heavy; recovering addicts confess to being prepared to have the character flaws currently checked out in previous actions, such as bitterness, worries and regret, gotten rid of from them by their greater power.

Step 7

Step 7 is the established follow up to Step 6 because it is an aggressive step from the readiness to let the higher authority clear the addict. The asking itself is the step to cleaning. Obviously character work needs to be done by the individual addict, however it is the asking and pleading of the infinite for help that offers the addict the strength to prosper.

It is this change in mindset being available in the type of pleading and asking of the infinite for assistance that changes the addict’s life.

Step 8

Through being will repair the wrongs that one triggered through asking for forgiveness from the angered, the addict makes another step to correcting his character and returning, and exposing their real selves. By admitting in an individual to individual ways, where they have actually erred, they stand to be able to fix the errors themselves.

Step 9

This is the actualization of the previous step. When the addict in fact brings a physical method of some sort of reparation for previous behavior there is an inner imprint, which is made in the mind of the addict. This imprint is the start of the addict’s go back to who they actually are. Each time one cleans up a situation they triggered to happen, a sense of return and renewal is felt. Step 8 is the start of the actualization of Steps 5, 6, and 7.

Through a true return to who they constantly were deep down within, the addict starts planting the seeds for his/her own development.

Once again, the concepts of exoneration, purification, freedom and redemption return as in step 4 to liquidate the procedure of spiritual awakening. This is absolutely nothing short of repentance, and is certainly an extremely task-heavy step. The recovering addict uses his/her list from step 8 and goes about apologizing to individuals they damaged. This exception is inclusive due to the fact that apologizing can be considered as a self-centered procedure, and connecting to some individuals might do more damage than excellent. For this factor, not all amends are made. The addict’s sponsor will normally assist them and make those choices.

Step 10

Step 10 is continuous of Step 4. It presumes that development happens over a life time and that reasoning means that an addict remains in consistent requirement of returning and revitalizing his or herself. Step 10 like the next 2 actions are frequently called upkeep actions in that, they are reworking earlier actions in order to in grain in the mind of the addict, the everyday need of going through an individual stock.

Step 10 is interested in integrating everyday practices that help the recovering addict keep sobriety. Hazelden specifies the term stock as analyzing our psychological disruptions, specifically those that can return us to drinking or other substance abuse. Simply put, step 10 is a wrap-up of actions 4 through 9.

Step 11

Step 11 is not the personal effects of the 12 Steps, rather it is executing something that humankind has actually done, which is Prayer. This action, carried out in any language as long as it is with the correct inspiration and intent can yield fantastic outcomes. Prayer is humankind’s medium in interaction to the divine and eventually the addict who wishes to totally free himself or herself from the shackles of addiction has a much better tool than the power of prayer.

Simply as prayer uses connection to the infinite, it is this infinite greater source, which eventually raises the addict and honestly all else from the darkness of addiction and depression.

Step 11 continues that spiritual bent by including 2 essential tools, prayer and meditation. The recovering addict is to use them and “use the everyday instructions of our Higher Power, nevertheless we decide to specify that term. Through prayer and meditation we are merely asking and listening, requesting that Power’s help and listening for a response.”

Step 12

This takes the addict from a receiving mentality to a providing mentality. It is a world of providing, which the addict wants to be a part of. This holds true whether one is discussing giving up marriage, giving up raising kids, as well as giving to complete strangers. The addict understands that upon reaching Step 12, there’s a chance to develop into the supreme giver and inform others of a real and deep spiritual experience. This specifically applies to other addicts who have the requirement they need the most.

By turning into a spiritual provider the addict moves to a total inner correction. It is this act of offering, which finishes the addict’s return to his/her real inner self.

Does the program adjust treatment as the patient’s needs change?

Individual treatment and service strategies should be evaluated and customized to the person’s requirements.

An individual in treatment might need different kinds of services throughout its course, consisting of continuous evaluation. For example, the program ought to integrate in drug tracking so the treatment strategy can be changed if relapse happens. For the majority of people, a continuing care approach results in the best outcomes, with treatment levels adjusted to an individual’s changing requirements.

A patient’s needs for support services, such as daycare or transportation, must be fulfilled throughout treatment.

The principles of the 12 steps are the concepts of life. If you work at the 12 steps, they will help you determine the qualities that make you unhappy, release those characteristics, and find out something better in their area. The 12 steps are designed for self-change.

In conclusion, the model does work and you do not need to be addicted to take advantage of the 12 steps. The world would be a much better place if all of us followed them. However, when other people do not follow the concepts of the 12 steps, they wind up being unhappy. When addicts do not follow the concepts of the 12 steps, they wind up using to leave their distress. That’s why the 12 steps is so beneficial in many different aspects

[therecoversite]

Where do 12 step or self help programs fit in the program ?

New Post has been published on https://www.therecover.com/where-do-12-step-or-self-help-programs-fit-in-the-program/

Where do 12 step or self help programs fit in the program ?

The 12 Steps were developed by the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to develop standards for the best method to overcome an addiction to alcohol. The program acquired enough success in its early years than other addiction support systems to adjust the actions to their own requirements.

There are numerous 12-step programs for NA as well as different dependencies and compulsive habits, varying from Cocaine Anonymous to Debtors Anonymous, all using the very same 12 Step approaches.

The majority of drug addiction treatment programs encourage clients to take part in group therapy throughout and after formal treatment. These groups use an included layer of community-level social assistance to help individuals in recovery with abstinence and other healthy lifestyle goals.

Although the 12 Steps are heavy on spirituality, numerous nonreligious people have discovered the program profoundly useful. The language stresses the existence of God as each individual understands him, encouraging various analyses and religions.

What are the 12 steps?

Step 1

It challenges the concept that no matter what, an individual has at the very end of the day their free will choice. Humanities’ belief that mindful choice is at the structure of its presence and comprises among the stronger concepts in both belief based and non belief based societies.

The difficulty addicts deal with is the belief that they can favorably actualize their built complimentary choice, even when it’s clear to everybody else that their addiction has actually taken their free choice away. It is this extreme loss of their free choice that makes them helpless over their actions (whether they include drug abuse or another sort of addiction associated action), to the point where their lives have actually ended up being uncontrollable.

That fact that the inner human condition is one, which can misguide one’s self into thinking that crises are self workable and conquerable by one’s own will is the bypassing concept that has to be eliminated by the addict if there is any hope of taking their life back from addiction. Step 1 is essential to the whole procedure of the 12 Step recovery because without it, there can be no improvement.

Step 2

This starts the climb from the darkness of misery for the addict. The sources for this step are limitless and discover their roots in the bible itself. By offering the addict a connection with the infinite, Step 2 develops a structure rooted in hope. A procedure of self nullification or a minimum of the nullification of the addicting self accompanies Step 2, yet this step can just happen when the addict connects to a greater, unlimited power.

A turning point, step 2 has, is that some roots in the work of Carl Jung, who argued simply said that a spiritual change was needed to conquer an addiction, without which the addict dealt with madness or death. To puts it simply, step 2 needs a desire to make the change and determination to accept help from a source outside one’s self. The “power higher than ourselves” has actually been the topic of some debate in a big part since it is so unclear.

Step 3

Step 3 has actually gathered a great deal of criticism for many years, however the unfavorable reactions needs to do frequently with one’s own connection to a “G-d Concept” instead of the step itself. Possibly the producers of Step 3 ought to have used “unlimited sources” rather, however the message is equal. Step 3 ends up being the first totally free willed choice the addict undertakes after surrendering his/her free choice to addiction. Step 3 needs to be seen in this context. It remains in truth that this step releases the addict to recovery.

Step 4

This is a proactive type of self-questioning. The addict digs to his/her core being and as they dig, they release themselves from the waste that they gathered within, obscuring their judgment. The open area they clean out by making this “moral inventory” even more enables the greater source, discussed in Step 2 and Step 3 to settle. If anything this is the favorable effect of Step 4.

Step 5

Step 5 sounds a lot like “confession,” however in truth it ought to be viewed as releasing these “desires” and “preliminary options” discussed in Step 4. By speaking out this inner luggage the addict starts to let go of the important things which have actually pestered she or he for several years.

Step 6

It starts an inner filtration if you will. By the addict sublimating himself or herself to a greater source an inner cleaning occurs. Its this inner cleaning that enables the addict to feel restored and therefore start once again.

Step 6 starts the addict on a course to spiritual and inner maturity, causing them to feel distanced from  what was once the horror and misery of addiction and draw close to the joy of inner and external peace. Naturally this is a procedure and in the start, permitting these problems to end up being gotten rid of may really be terrible like severing one’s limb from it’s body, however in truth a lovely flower exists inside and through the shedding of these problems through the connection to a limitless source, the flower will have the ability to bloom.

Step 6 is not task-heavy; recovering addicts confess to being prepared to have the character flaws currently checked out in previous actions, such as bitterness, worries and regret, gotten rid of from them by their greater power.

Step 7

Step 7 is the established follow up to Step 6 because it is an aggressive step from the readiness to let the higher authority clear the addict. The asking itself is the step to cleaning. Obviously character work needs to be done by the individual addict, however it is the asking and pleading of the infinite for help that offers the addict the strength to prosper.

It is this change in mindset being available in the type of pleading and asking of the infinite for assistance that changes the addict’s life.

Step 8

Through being will repair the wrongs that one triggered through asking for forgiveness from the angered, the addict makes another step to correcting his character and returning, and exposing their real selves. By admitting in an individual to individual ways, where they have actually erred, they stand to be able to fix the errors themselves.

Step 9

This is the actualization of the previous step. When the addict in fact brings a physical method of some sort of reparation for previous behavior there is an inner imprint, which is made in the mind of the addict. This imprint is the start of the addict’s go back to who they actually are. Each time one cleans up a situation they triggered to happen, a sense of return and renewal is felt. Step 8 is the start of the actualization of Steps 5, 6, and 7.

Through a true return to who they constantly were deep down within, the addict starts planting the seeds for his/her own development.

Once again, the concepts of exoneration, purification, freedom and redemption return as in step 4 to liquidate the procedure of spiritual awakening. This is absolutely nothing short of repentance, and is certainly an extremely task-heavy step. The recovering addict uses his/her list from step 8 and goes about apologizing to individuals they damaged. This exception is inclusive due to the fact that apologizing can be considered as a self-centered procedure, and connecting to some individuals might do more damage than excellent. For this factor, not all amends are made. The addict’s sponsor will normally assist them and make those choices.

Step 10

Step 10 is continuous of Step 4. It presumes that development happens over a life time and that reasoning means that an addict remains in consistent requirement of returning and revitalizing his or herself. Step 10 like the next 2 actions are frequently called upkeep actions in that, they are reworking earlier actions in order to in grain in the mind of the addict, the everyday need of going through an individual stock.

Step 10 is interested in integrating everyday practices that help the recovering addict keep sobriety. Hazelden specifies the term stock as analyzing our psychological disruptions, specifically those that can return us to drinking or other substance abuse. Simply put, step 10 is a wrap-up of actions 4 through 9.

Step 11

Step 11 is not the personal effects of the 12 Steps, rather it is executing something that humankind has actually done, which is Prayer. This action, carried out in any language as long as it is with the correct inspiration and intent can yield fantastic outcomes. Prayer is humankind’s medium in interaction to the divine and eventually the addict who wishes to totally free himself or herself from the shackles of addiction has a much better tool than the power of prayer.

Simply as prayer uses connection to the infinite, it is this infinite greater source, which eventually raises the addict and honestly all else from the darkness of addiction and depression.

Step 11 continues that spiritual bent by including 2 essential tools, prayer and meditation. The recovering addict is to use them and “use the everyday instructions of our Higher Power, nevertheless we decide to specify that term. Through prayer and meditation we are merely asking and listening, requesting that Power’s help and listening for a response.”

Step 12

This takes the addict from a receiving mentality to a providing mentality. It is a world of providing, which the addict wants to be a part of. This holds true whether one is discussing giving up marriage, giving up raising kids, as well as giving to complete strangers. The addict understands that upon reaching Step 12, there’s a chance to develop into the supreme giver and inform others of a real and deep spiritual experience. This specifically applies to other addicts who have the requirement they need the most.

By turning into a spiritual provider the addict moves to a total inner correction. It is this act of offering, which finishes the addict’s return to his/her real inner self.

Does the program adjust treatment as the patient’s needs change?

Individual treatment and service strategies should be evaluated and customized to the person’s requirements.

An individual in treatment might need different kinds of services throughout its course, consisting of continuous evaluation. For example, the program ought to integrate in drug tracking so the treatment strategy can be changed if relapse happens. For the majority of people, a continuing care approach results in the best outcomes, with treatment levels adjusted to an individual’s changing requirements.

A patient’s needs for support services, such as daycare or transportation, must be fulfilled throughout treatment.

The principles of the 12 steps are the concepts of life. If you work at the 12 steps, they will help you determine the qualities that make you unhappy, release those characteristics, and find out something better in their area. The 12 steps are designed for self-change.

In conclusion, the model does work and you do not need to be addicted to take advantage of the 12 steps. The world would be a much better place if all of us followed them. However, when other people do not follow the concepts of the 12 steps, they wind up being unhappy. When addicts do not follow the concepts of the 12 steps, they wind up using to leave their distress. That’s why the 12 steps is so beneficial in many different aspects