#always being in young love somehow?
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Finally got to watching Interview With The Vampire... And oh boy... Claudia...
#interview with the vampire#episode 4#claudia... obsessed...#the idea of permanently being stuck in your early-mid teens?#always being in young love somehow?#idk i dont think ive ever seen this angle of vampirism properly explored#its fascinating
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there is something so entirely fucked about Louis’ psyche… look at it all! the physical beatings to an obscene degree, the damaging affairs, the psychological warfare, the public humiliation, the participation in the murder of their only beloved daughter. Lestat does this all to him, or a significant amount even if memory is playing its wicked games. Lestat is a vicious horrible thing with his teeth marks on every part of Louis and yet even with decades of freedom, a new partner, the ability to recognise and condemn cruelty and abusive actions, Louis still wants him back. Knowing what he is, what he can do, Louis wants him back. It never mattered if vampires can dream, for Lestat haunts his waking days, a torturous vision of the only living one Louis really loves.
#LOUIS GIRL YOU’RE INSANE??????????#lestat is so fucked and unhealthy but like Louis wants him??? I feel like people brush past that a lot#this isn’t a tortured young woman in a basement refusing to leave because she can’t handle freedom#this is knowing freedom and ‘better’ (armand is a liar and batshit too! but I doubt he’s throwing louis off towers rn)#feeling freedom for DECADES being told you can get out and do better#after basically being tortured by a guy who you loudly proclaim to hate#but you want him. you love him. he haunts you. you’d give the world for him back. even after everything he did#lestat is the type of man to burn up the entire world. louis is the type of man to see all the bodies and take him back anyway#louis has two deaths that mark his conscience but otherwise. otherwise…#louis will never forgive what happened to claudia. but he will take lestat back. and love him.#the real pain was that she was right! it was lestat for louis. always. and he never ever ever ever wanted his daughter dead#he loved her adored her. he did. it was never enough love. he loved her truly though#but somehow at the same time. it was always going to be lestat. fuck!!!!!!!#louis my complicated angel!! they will try flatten you but I see all your horrid glory#amc iwtv#iwtv#iwtv spoilers#jacob anderson#sir you need all of the emmys. this is the performance of a lifetime. im gonna go listen to bloodsport brb
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Here it is :)
WOAH!!!! THE ELEANOR EVER!!!
SHE LOOKS SO UNHINGED AND COOL I LOVE IT :000000
THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE HER!! YOUR ART IS AMAZING /gen
also completely expected it to be a fragment so am really happy to be so surprised!!! she looks terrifying in your style!! /pos
#artsy's post#artsy's ocs#artsy's moot sillies#artsy's asks#artsy's fabrication#artsy's eleanor#artsy's fabrication: asks#artsy's woah#i have too many tags#BUT SHE'S AWESOME??? HOW DO YOU DO THESE THINGS#those eyes. those eyes are so desperate and crazed and it's brilliant :DDD#the makeup is a super nice touch too! the purple and the eyelashes especially; they're sharp and make her seem even more crazed somehow#and the heart-like tongue is super unnerving bc she seems so nice and friendly!! wanna hug her!! she'll also kill me!!#plus her pose is so telling too!! relaxed and elegant but also certain and murdery#also the parasol being used as a murder weapon is SUCH a cool idea!!! didn't even think of that but she SO would use it like that :D#am glad for both our sakes i decided to make the ring of black roses at the bottom of her dress like a cloud rather than detailed lol#drawing each individual rose could kill us both before SHE does so hooray for black puffy scribbles instead of detailed stuff!#also again your way of drawing shoes is brilliant! idk why but the shapes tickle my brain in a good way :)#PFFT- zoomed in on the art and her hands are in a similar position to holding a gun and now i'm imagining her parasol secretly being a one#lock and load the parasol. fire the umbrellas#i made up eleanor while watching some ppl play hitman and listening to 'the dismemberment song' and she looks EXACTLY like how i pictured!!#also this is a massive help visualising her outside her reference tysm :0#she's like a baby. literally only started existing a few weeks back. despite being an adult in a world mainly made of kids she is young AF#so haven't got around to drawing her in my usual style yet; this is a brilliant drawing AND it helps me visualise her better!! tysm!!!#tldr i love everything about this!!! thank you so much for creating it for me#you're the best :DDD#as always have a great timezone and tysm again!!! you've made my night /gen :)
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#me: *absolutely loathes pictures of me*#*definitely prefers big dogs like mastiffs and cane corsos and rottweilers and shepherd*#*is not a fan of babies and that even extends to puppies and kittens a lot of the time*#(just bc i hate being responsible for someone and i am afraid to disappoint and i always have this unreasonable fear my every breath even#will somehow hurt anyone smaller than me and that i'm a bad influence okay)#also me:#*gets attached to a little chihuahua puppy who was smuggled in from abroad at 6 weeks and ended up at our clinic for a 10 week stay*#the first time that is#after he was dumped by his so called family probably those that smuggled him#he was so sick he could barely stand and see and he still was searching just for physifal contact#but bc he was smuggled into the ciuntry and so young and we didnt know what he had he was in isolation#and he was just a tiny little thing with a ginormous head 😭#still on baby milk#and every two hours we were in there feeding him but he was coughing up a storm#and the vets were like “who knows if he'll survive”#and then he was back again last week and dude he has grown!!!#and lowkey i love him#and i know i know you can't get attached too much in this job but you do YOU FUCKING DO OKAY#and he was back with his foster fam in like 3 days this time thankfully#but he's the cutest fucking thing omg#still so small we could barely get an iv in jfc#he got the iv thats reserved for bunny ears!!! in his tiny hindleg#it was a fucking struggle#and he was coughing again and had bloody diarrhea but he ate like a champ to keep his bloodsugar up#and he greeted us with a waving paw every time 😭😭#literally i love him okay#and a colleague took a picture of us and at first i like ghosted her bc i ran away from he chat wheb she sent the picture#but i am lowkey treasuring it rn#ignore me#i wanna adopt paul
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Tony: Victor we talked about this! You can't curse in front of the kids!
Doom: You are lucky I like you or I would be punishing you for speaking with me with such disrespect
Tony: *sugestivly* Oh you can totally punish me later. *more seriously* Now...
*Doom removes the curse he put on the waiter and all his family for being rude with Kamala*
Sam: *whispering* did he really say punish me later.
Miles: *also whispering* hush, i'm trying to repress the memory
Khamala: *whispering as well* also we just saw a guy almost go up in flames cause a curse priorities guys.
Miles: *whispering* no Nova is right the sex thing is still more traumatic.
Viv: *whispering* i don't understand is Doom hurting Mr. Stark? If so why aren't you doing something?
Sam: *whispering* oh you poor inocent child.
Viv: *whispering* inocent? Can you explain to me...
Amadeus: *whispering* well when two old guys love each other very much...
Riri: *sending him the look* *whispering* don't you dare! *to Viv* I'll explain it to you later, babe.
Tony: Oy, what are you guys whispering? *dramatically* No! Don't tell me it must be some tennager thing. Oh to be young again.
Doom: You aren't that old.
Tony: Thank you, Vicbabe, but I am. Yesterday I had to text Reed's kids because I couldn't get a meme! *pityfully* I used to be the one explaining memes to Steve and now I'm just as lost as Winghead.
#i don't what this is#i just love tony and doom ridiculous team up almost as much as I love the champions#the adult heros causually try to hang out with the young heros to check on them#the x-man mostly just do that with their own kids#but besides them it's just a normal thing#they young avengers preffer cap days#the champions preffer peter days#but tony days have luxury wich is always good#reed banned his kids of going out with tony without supervision#they are very close friends and that is how reed knows is a bad idea#soon after tony started dating doom and reed was so glad he did it#unfortunally tony and jhonny work as the adult supervision of each other#that somehow ended with Doom being valeria second favorite adult (ben is the first)#sue blames reed#marvel champions#victor von doom#tony stark#kamala khan#miles morales#sam alexander#riri williams#viv vision#amadeus cho#shitpost#this is possibly not up to date with marvel current cannon but idc
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"in your darkest hour, in the blackest night…think of me…and I will be with you. always. for where else could I go? who else could I love but you?" i'm never gna shut up abt this line from ffxiv
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#the self-love in lvl 70 quests >>>>#honestly my interpretation of it is#yeah. no one could love you any better than your own self#n what this quote means to me rlly helped me a lot in the past few years#when i'm remember n hold unto myself#of how i've come this far bcs i'm me yk?#this 2023 i really won't be so afraid anymore#i'll hesitate less i won't hide as much#the only things that rlly. weigh me down i think are#the. inevitable loneliness n#the weight of the past that i love so much.. bcs i really do value life so much. it's too much for me bcs i feel too much n think too much#n i want to do so much but#yk as long as i'm. me. i think i'll manage somehow#i'll make my way through as i always have#it's just a bit lonely when i think about it but yk i do have my family i do have my friends n i'll always have apollo#music literature stories video games art or wtvr just really mean so much to me bcs i can express myself freely n truthfully#but it's so bittersweetly human to not be able to do as much as i want n i don't think i've completely accepted it despite#knowing n being so aware of it. but i'm still.. young after all.#random thought but i rlly like my hair today i hope it'll still be like this on the fair 🫣#ARGHHH I WANT TO WRITE SO MUCH BUT I'M A BIT TIRED RN BCS OF WALKING OUTSIDE W APOLLO#ONE DAY ONE DAY we will adopt some of the strays here 🥺 starting next week we're gna help the volunteers here feed them#yk what i'm gna get things done now n i'll stop writing >< i'll. fix my tumblr one day. yes. but for now i'll focus on myself.
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now wait a minute, i read recently that there are rumours of a possible oasis tour this year. if this becomes a reality, i’m gonna lose it. this is making me think back to the days when i was constantly pining for that damn Liam Gallagher. for goodness sake, he was like my Eric Stewart before i even knew about 10cc.
#this is about oasis#more specifically this is about Liam Gallagher#before i became head over heels for 10cc i remember when i couldn’t shut up about oasis#before i went insane for Eric Stewart i remember being on my hands and knees for Liam Gallagher#this is funny bc 10CC is wayy older than oasis yet i somehow never had a clue they existed until just last year#if they have a reunion tour it’ll be like seeing an ex-lover#it’d be like going out for tea with him and going ‘so how are things with you?’ ‘we were so young and stupid in love back then weren’t we?’#always something special about manchester bands#and they’re very near and dear to my heart#i think more people should support manchester bands
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i am finally discovering a genre of character i actually really relate to! like, i personally relate to them rather than just love them a lot, i can hardly remember when that last happened to me, if ever, so that's cool. unfortunately, that genre of character is "protagonist of a tragedy severely doomed by the narrative and in no small way responsible for their own fate"
#a biscuit's rambles#i meann tbf i dont think its the severe depression they share that gets me#but like. as someone who tends to feel things very deeply and lean into emotions and also teenage hormone bullshit#but who is also severely uninterested in coming of age stuff or ugh romance#these are actually the first characters i remember encountering who were just.#overemotional. unstable. at least a bit depressed. dramatic. occasionally at the edge of losing it. impulsive. chaotic.#and sometimes they hurt people. and their being that emotional isnt usually good! its not like 'oh its okay actually learn to love yourself#the narrative is saying You Need To Get A Grip and thats just.#damn. THAT is relatable#sometimes i get too emotional and thats not always good! i lvoe feeling deeply but sometimes i do just need to get a grip!#and also im a young and unstable person being thrown around in life with no idea what to do next#maybe i have one goal but the rest is like. Happening i guess#and somehow i only see that in my stupid tragedy protags who are dooming themselves (affectionate)#idk. theyre not role models. theyre messy and often stupid and too quick and. theyre incredibly human#also you get a wide range of emotion besides love bc even tho love is very important its far from the only thing happening#looking at you coming of age stuff#(besides the fact that the characters in coming of age stuff usually arent just fucking Weird either so thats already no relatable)#idk i think the last time i looked at a character and went 'oh hey thats me' was when i was seven or eight and i didnt even realise#like only when i reread that book recently#so. idk. its kinda a big thing for me. and also i think its funny as fuck#*reading hamlet * whoa hes like me fr#(okay hamlet not as much as the other guy but still)
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━ ❝ OH, IT'S MINIKUNA ! ❞
✮₊‧⁺...content: heian era!sukuna x wife!reader, fluff, mentions of childbirth, sukuna is an overly proud father, sukuna is whipped for his wife
✮₊‧⁺...lunar's note: based of this little blurbie and this one too !! needed some fluff with kuna bc he would love having a baby girl idc what anyone says !!! also i did my best describing the birthing process in a time accurate period but it's definitely a bit inaccurate because...i have never had a baby LOL
no one has ever seen sukuna ryomen, king of curses, wince before.
not until today, at the wrath of his pregnant wife who somehow got a hold of his fingers instead of his hand.
one of the nurses did warn him to not give you his finger and to ensure you always hold his hand. but by the gods, he swears you almost ripped his finger off.
it's cute to him, however, when you attempt to curse him out.
'gods, sukuna, i despise your entire being!'
'i know, my wife.'
'i should've never let you get me pregnant, you animal!'
'you begged for it, my wife.'
'i am never letting you bed me again, use your hand for the rest of your existence!'
'you can't keep your hands off me, my wife, no need to lie.'
but the sigh of relief, the way you instantly look down and coo once the sound of wailing filled the air...it makes him melt just a little bit.
he can't deny, seeing you in pain made him heated. it took everything in him not to kill every midwife, nurse, and lady-in-waiting in your birth room for not being able to make this process completely painless.
except chiyo. he would have to reward your personal physician for preparing you so well for this...
what did the old hag like again? wines, meats, gifts for her grandchildren back at home?
hm, yes, that would be great for her. of course, he'll say it was from you. the king of curses shows gratitude for no one.
he's pulled out of his thoughts at the hushed whispers once the other women exam the baby before following your unspoken request to hold your child.
"d-do you think lord sukuna will harm our lady for this...?"
"i hope not, surely he can make an exception, t-they both are still young and can always try for more!"
"but he's the king of curses, t-there no way he won't have a reaction!"
before he can demand what they find so important to discuss in front of you, chiyo hushes the girls with a wave of her hand, ushering the girls to help wipe off your sweat, tears, and clean off the baby—gentle like it's the finest glass, she instructs—before turning to sukuna with a knowing smile.
"well, your greatness...congratulations on having a healthy and gorgeous little girl," she hums, wiping her hands with a clean cloth before going to rinse her hands to help stitch any rips and clean you up.
the room falls silent aside from your soft little coos and the wails of your daughter as you brush the wet, fluffy hair on her little head.
all the women in the room continue to work, but it's clear they are silently waiting for his outburst.
everyone knows that a proper heir to any throne is a boy...but now, sukuna's first born child is a girl.
but rather angry, yelling, and threats to your and your child's life, the room is filled with Suku's booming laughter, which practically shakes the entire room.
instead of an enraged expression, pure delight, and excitement are painted on his face as he sits next to you on the soft cushiony bedding on the floor, his hand caressing the rounded cheek of your newborn.
"so, you've given me a girl," he hums in delight, all four of his eyes narrowing. "this will be the one who takes over my throne once i decide to step down?"
this thing, this tiny, itty bitty baby...came from you both? it's almost laughable how small this baby is compared to his hand, that something so little could be related to him.
she's...nothing short of perfect. "absolutely divine...she will not just be beautiful like her mother, but as powerful as both of us."
he's so proud of you and your child. he would shower your daughter with riches, love, and anything she could ever want and ask for.
but, he couldn't lie.
she's a damned fat baby, big head and all.
"sukuna, watch your mouth!"
he can't help but laugh, not realizing his thoughts came out of his mouth. "what, it's a good thing! means she's healthy," he boasts with a grin, leaning down closer to see her better.
"she looks strong already. as soon as she is able, i will personally teach her how to be a truly malevolent little princess, how to properly slit the necks of her enemies, how to—!”
oh, he is so excited, it's adorable.
“sukuna, shush, i just gave birth to a child with a massive head like yours, give me a moment," you say with a light laugh, your smile still reaching your clearly tired eyes.
“…apologies, my wife.”
chiyo can't help but laugh with you she finishes applying the healing ointment on your lower body, using a bit of her cursed energy to speed up the healing process to help you skip any serious pain.
after all, nothing but the best physician for you in sukuna's palace.
"always such an excitable boy, my lord, ever since you were a young man," she hums, helping one of the midwives properly wrap your baby in the soft, clean cloth.
"be gentle with her," you instruct him, gently moving your arms toward him so he could take the little bundle. he's...nervous, but he hides it well.
you place your daughter in his arms and he looks down at her, suddenly conscious of how loud he's breathing. she's got his hair, still a bit wet but soft and fluffy. it's pink, just like his.
a pleased rumble vibrates his chest, and he doesn't even realize he's doing it.
but then...her eyes open.
both sets.
he almost didn't notice it at first, they're just so small, but they're there. the same color as yours, pretty and big, filled with so much life.
his eyes burn, vision getting blurry. no words come to his head, he can't think of anything to say. he's so caught up in his thought he doesn't even notice chiyo ushering the other girls in the room out and shutting the door before quietly tending to you with water or food.
she knows that look, you do as well. she's been around longer than uraume to know her master, knowing the king of curses since his young years as the unwanted child of the village, abandoned by his mother for his 'horrid' appearance.
she was lucky to have found him before the villagers got to him, torches, axes, pitchforks and daggers in hand to take care of the child who they believed to have brought misfortune to their home.
getting him to safety was one of the best decisions she'd ever made, king of curses or not. no child deserved to be abandoned like that. and now, he's seeing himself in that tiny little being in his arms right now...chiyo can only imagine what he's feeling.
so, out of respect, she keeps her gaze averted, pretending she does not see the misty gaze he gives your daughter. this is a moment for you and him, and she does her best to make all her movements as quiet as possible.
all sukuna can think about in this moment is how he used to be just as tiny as this. he was just as vulnerable in his mothers arms. he couldn't talk, couldn't speak, couldn't fend for himself.
yet, his parents looked down at him just like this and decided he was an abomination and didn't give him a chance.
but now?
sukuna knows he would never, ever let anything happen to this little bundle in his arms. he would rather destroy the entire planet before letting anything happen to his baby girl. no one would make his little one suffer and live to see another day.
he flinches just a little, feeling your soft hand rubbing his bicep. "it's okay, my love," you softly coo at him, reaching up to wipe a tear from his eye before it had a chance to drip down his cheek. "she's going to grow up feeling loved and cherished because she's got a great father."
"hmm..."
a smile crosses his features as he looks back down, looking at the squirming baby so makes a little noise before calming down when he strokes her little, chubby cheek again to keep her from crying again.
"and she's got a great mother. she'll be the most wonderful princess in all of history," he says with a toothy grin, chest rumbling with a laugh.
"aww, my love, that's so sweet..."
"seriously, though, how in hells did you squeeze this thing out of ya? thing's got the head of a watermelon."
"sukuna, give me back my baby, and chiyo? get this man some food to stuff in his mouth before he says something to warrent the rage of a new mother."
all rights reserved © lxnarphase | do not repost, copy, translate, or alter my work
#jjk x reader#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna ryomen x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#˗ˏˋ ★ lxnarworks .ᐟ#sukuna ryomen x you
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Simon "Ghost" Riley is the kind of man who:
In your shared home, always sits with his legs spread. Manspreading king. Adores it when you cross your arms and give him a disapproving look, saying there's no room for you. "Course there is, luv. Jus' sit between my thighs."
Refuses to let you do simple tasks around the house, like making tea, folding his underwear, or putting away the dishes. One might think it's a sweet, husbandly gesture - but he's just super picky. You made tea in the microwave once, and now you're banned from ever touching his tea stash. Likes his underwear folded in a specific way, and you don't understand the importance of it. He got tired of you stuffing his underwear in his drawer, so now he folds it himself. And the dishes? Couldn't stand how you put them away. "There's no rhyme or reason to 'em." "I didn't think there had to be, Si-" "Just gimme the damn bowl." Fewer chores? You aren't complaining.
Looks like he's always on edge - and he is, kinda. When he's out with you, he can't help but be alert and watchful, and extremely protective of you. You've tried to get him to loosen up - it's the supermarket, what could happen? - but have just come to accept it as his nature. Plus, you get that giddy feeling when you see other men look straight down at the floor, avoiding Simon's stare as the two of you pass.
Is the grumpiest, poutiest, and most indignant man ever when he gets sick. Doesn't want you doting on him in case you catch whatever he has. But, wait - where are you going? "Get your ass back in this bed - 'm cold." Grumbles like a child when you force him to let you get up to grab him soup, tea, or medicine. And no, he doesn't care how sick he is, he's not wearing that stupid, floppy ice pack hat.
Brings Johnny over unannounced, and you've grown used to it. The moment you hear that Scottish yapping out the front door as the key unlocks, you grab a third plate for dinner - he insists you don't need to feed him, but you always make extra for Simon's lunch the next day regardless, and the last time he'd said that, he ended up grabbing an extra fork and picking from Simon's plate. Which, of course, had Simon up at 1 am making instant ramen because he was still hungry, but didn't have the heart to ask you to make him a decent meal. So, yes, Johnny would be fed.
Loves spoiling you on your birthday. What is a man if not someone who spoils his partner rotten? Orders in food from your favorite bakery, sets all your presents neat and nice on the table (the excellent wrapping job done by yours truly, Gaz), flower petals sprinkled on the ground and the table top (also Gaz's idea), and a seat on his lap so for you while you open your presents. Loves watching your face light up, and each little "you remembered?!" fall from your lips as you open each gift. Scoffs and shifts in his seat. "I's not that much of a fuss, luv..." as you squeal excitedly, but you know he's biting back a proud smile. The blush, he can't even attempt to hide.
Is somehow a magnet for your young nephews. Every time he comes along to your sister's place, he's either making conversation with her husband in the living room, or he's interrogated and cornered by her two sons. And, lord help him, he doesn't understand it either. He'd always expected kids to look at him like a monster, but, especially with these two, that was never the case. They'd ask him for stories about "being in war" - half of the time, he'd make up some not-too-gory adventure, sparing them the details of real war. The rest of the time, he'd talk about "Soap, my mate who blows everything up." And they'd listen with wide eyes and jaws on the floor.
Has scared you unintentionally, more than too many times. He'd come home at three in the morning from a mission, and all he wanted was to quietly peel his dirty uniform off and slip into bed with you. His main intention was to avoid waking you up, because you'd force him to shower before joining you in bed - and he was too tired for that. However, you'd been rounding the corner, up for your 3 am glass of water - you screamed as you saw the hulking, dark figure by the front door, launching your phone at him. He'd caught it effortlessly and shoved it into his back pocket. "What've I told ya 'bout using the bat?" "I was just getting water!" "I coulda been anyone." "Well you're not." "Missed ya, luvie." "Missed you too- but you're grimy. Go take a-" "No." He grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, ignoring your protests as he hauled you back to bed.
#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley headcanons#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon riley headcanons#ghost x reader#ghost x you#ghost headcanons#call of duty#ghost call of duty#ghost cod#cod x reader#cod#cod blurbs
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Been playing Sims 2 a lot and now I know what it feels like to be a rookie god whose creations are doing fuck all while I'm here stressing how to repair the relationship between Alec and Ray all cuz Ray got jealous seeing his bestie sleep in the same bed with Marcie, who, by the way, has been living with them SINCE I STARTED THIS GAME.
#aria rants#i aint even letting em work. IM DOING THE WORK. i provide the money with my godpowers (motherlode cheatcode)#all i want is my ocs to live happily but SOMEHOW im watching a love triangle drama happen right before my eyes#rays been having flaming thought bubbles. spending time alone. he nearly lived in the hottub i got for him#he wouldnt get out without divine intervention. meanwhile alec cant get the hint despite my many efforts of always#getting him to apologize to ray just to get rid of his fury. but then he turns around and flirts with marcie and the BUTLER#stop with your floating hearts thought bubbles and CALM YOUR FRIEND DOWN#maybe if i gave em jobs it wouldve fixed this but alas... the consequences of a doting mother and sims 2 ai#altho this did give me an idea for my actual ocs outside of the game in that if alec and ray hadnt known each other#since they were young. i can see ray being insecure bout himself cuz of his ''plain-looking appearance'' and would think#that alec is better off making other friends than him as if ray isnt alrdy the bestest friend alec can have and vice versa
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#second part of a rant about rejection and heartbreak#i know love scares him#despite wanting it so badly#so i wonder if my big emotions scared him off#which has always been one of my worst fears...#or maybe he got scared of his own big emotions#idk maybe this is still me being hopeful#but i wonder if he doesnt know how he really feels#unlikely when he said he lost his romantic feelings for me#that still really hurts#i wouldnt be nearly as devastated if he said he never liked me romantically#but he doesnt know what he wants in life yet#and he is still relatively young in the grand scheme of things#so its not impossible that hell come around again#but then i feel guilty for holding onto that last strand of hope when hes already turned me down#i feel like im betraying him somehow#i just dont know how someone WOULDNT want a relationship with their crush who loves them unconditionally#i just feel so stupid#i felt something there initially#but got scared since he was younger and i thought he was straight and im generally an anxious person with fears of scaring people away#when i care more about people than they care about me#and hey ho look where we are#why does this have to keep happening?#why cant i get i get a happily ever after?#i give and i give and i give but life never gives me anything back#i dont give conditionally#but i hate feeling like an emptied out carcass always doomed to love others but not be loved in return#ive never felt this way about anyone before#hes my whole world and im full of this unsharable love thats eating me#him
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[ID: drawings of a golem animated by a palestinian flag painted on its forehead. it is seen: holding out its arms protectively in front of a crowd of children, the children also hold each other supportively; catching an air strike missile from the air and throwing it away or crushing it in its fist; turning its back so that a child can warm her hands by the earth oven built into its back, food in a pot is cooking on the fire and a boy holds a cup of steaming tea to his face and enjoys the aroma; clearing away rubble so a man can help up his wife who was buried underneath, she is clutching a baby to her chest; stooping down to look at a kitten a young boy is holding up to show it; and dissolving small flakes of clay from its finger into a glass of water, purifying it. end ID]
@fairuzfan asked people to create and share art for the strike. i wrote an artist statement and then set about trying to draw what i envisioned. artist statement below.
This golem is a protector that I wish I could gift to the children and adults in Gaza. The flag on its forehead is to show that love for the Palestinian people is an animating force for people fighting for a free Palestine all over the world, especially for those in Palestine who are trying to free themselves and their people. Love is the motivation for the call for a free Palestine, not hatred like people try to claim. It is very strong and fast and can catch air strikes out of midair and crush them to dust or throw them back in the direction they came from. It can lift all the rubble of a collapsed building very quickly so nobody can get trapped underneath. It has an earth oven in its back with an ever-burning flame that people can use to warm themselves and cook food and heat water to use to bathe themselves or make tea. Pieces of its clay can be crumbled up and mixed into water to make even the most brackish and unclean water pure and safe to drink.
The golem is always a bit of a tragic figure so I don't imagine it staying around forever once Palestine is free and it is no longer needed. I think it would use its great strength to help rebuild the destroyed houses, churches, schools, universities, hospitals, and mosques and then dive into the Jordan river and dissolve. It would clean the river of all pollution and make the water splash up over all the newly replanted fruit trees, causing them to grow big and strong. Its love for Palestine and its people can be tasted in the fruit they grow for generations.
I choose a specifically Jewish icon of protection because of how it feels to witness such horrors done in the supposed name of Judaism and the Jewish people. For many anti-zionist Jews, we feel like we are acting directly within the teachings of our stories and communities by opposing this genocide. It is difficult to understand how the very people and institutions who taught us these values now fight against them so fiercely. While obviously I would still oppose Israel were I not Jewish, the way I oppose Israel is directly informed by my Jewishness. I hope that someday, somehow, Judaism can bring as much joy and support to the Palestinian people as it has brought grief and destruction. That Jewish symbols used in the name of love and justice will bear more significance than the ones used in shows of hatred. Knowing the depth of the harm caused, I do not know if this is possible. But this artwork and everything I have dedicated myself to these past few months and continue to dedicate myself to in the future is born from this hope. I love you. Thank you for being on this planet with me. From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free! And it will be beautiful.
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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"SHUT UP, MAMA." 𓆝 ⋆。𖦹°‧
ִ ࣪𖤐 featuring. gojo satoru, toji fushiguro, nanami kento
ִ ࣪𖤐 warnings. fem! reader, husband! au, i made names for your children but feel free to disregard it
note. i remembered this tiktok trend, just figured i should write about how the jjk men would react to their child doing this.
𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔
gojo had a day off. it's rare for a jujutsu sorcerer like him — being the strongest, he's an asset to the jujutsu world. so him being in a day off is like a miracle to both you and your seven year old son, who might i say, is an exact carbon copy of your husband.
"honey, you need to put your toys away. it's almost dinner time," you said from the kitchen, gojo by your side, ready to help you with anything.
"let me take that," he sings out, grabbing two plates from your grasp — you chuckled, letting him take the white colored ceramic disk, "looks good, baby."
as you and gojo walked out of the kitchen, placing the plates on top of the dining table. gojo pulled out your seat for you. habits die hard, the male has always pulled your seat out for you since the very first date.
your son. marise gojo. a boisterous little boy, absolutely loves to play with his rocket toys, and somehow believes he's a little astronaut. there he sat in front of the TV, playing with his toys, an astronaut helmet covering his small head.
"buddy," gojo calls out to the boy, "it's dinner time, clean up your toys. mama made some good food."
when gojo's call didn't work, you tried doing it next, "marise, your food's going to get cold, honey."
the young boy didn't make any visible movements, but you heard him yell out with his high pitched voice, "shut up, mama!"
gojo looks at you briefly. i mean — as a father, he couldn't believe his own son said that. to his mother. gojo wasn't one to get mad, in fact, marise is a total daddy's boy. but he felt angry, frustrated, annoyed, all at once.
he wasted no time leaping up from his seat, approaching the young boy. his smile no longer visible; gojo was unhappy. the male used one of his hands to take off marise's astronaut helmet, tossing it aside before grabbing the young boy by his small waist.
marise didn't complain, and he still has no idea of what his father is about to do. so he just sat still in gojo's embrace — until gojo puts him down beside you, "say sorry."
marise's bright blue eyes stared up at gojo in confusion, "say sorry to mama, marise."
it wasn't "baby" or "buddy" like gojo used to address him by, and marise wasn't stupid. he knew he did something wrong, but he just didn't get what or why his father is telling him to apologize to you.
"sorry mama . . ." marise's soft voice resounds.
"do you know what you did wrong?" gojo questions sternly.
marise shook his head, his eyes watering at gojo's tone of voice, "no papa . . ."
gojo sighs, he squats down and gazes into his son's eyes, "you should never say 'shut up' to mama or papa, okay? not to anyone, 'ts not polite. don't ever do that again, now say sorry to mama for saying that."
marise nods his head and turns to look at you, his eyes watering — it's not everyday that you get to see papa gojo get angry, "'m sorry mama, i will never do that again," the young boy finally cried, letting his tears fall out of his doe eyes.
you can't help but to smile at the young boy, pulling him onto your lap to cradle him, "don't do that again, baby. 'ts not polite," your fingers grazed his chubby cheeks, wiping his tears away, "and if mama or papa tells you to stop playing and eat, what do you do?"
marise sniffled, "stop playing and eat."
"good boy," you kissed his little forehead, "go give papa a kiss."
and that marise did, gojo immediately picking the boy into his arms with a big smile, "give papa two kisses, buddy."
sure, gojo is a fun parent. but he knows how to teach his children boundaries — what to do and what not to do. he's scary when he's angry.
𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎
megumi is the child that made you and toji think you both should have another child — fukuo is the child that made you and toji stop wanting more children. not saying that fukuo is a bad kid, but the boy is relentless.
with a pretty large age difference between megumi and fukuo with six years, sometimes megumi had to teach fukuo some manners, telling the younger boy what's right and wrong. when fukuo misbehaves, it's megumi and you to the rescue — while toji would usually chuckle it off since, well, he's a little minus on the manners part as well. but you're working on that.
toji said so himself, he wouldn't mind fukuo misbehaving on some things. but the male did set some boundaries up for both of his boys and how they should act well towards you (and him).
today, megumi is twelve and fukuo is six. both of your boys look alike, "mama, 'm gonna be staying late at school because we have a play coming, 'm gonna help my classmate decorate the stage," megumi tells you as he puts on his shoes.
"alright, baby. have a good day at school, i love you," you pressed a kiss on megumi's head, waving him goodbye.
as megumi disappears behind the front door, you walk back inside the house, "toji, wake fukuo up, please. 'm getting his breakfast ready," toji who had his eyes on the television curtly nodded, sluggishly walking towards the boy's room.
"hey, champ." toji approaches the boy, who was sleeping soundly, "your mother's made some good food f' you. if you're not gonna eat it, i'll steal your portion."
fukuo squirmed a bit, but his eyes were still shut tightly, "fukuo," toji gently shook the boy, poking his cheek.
like anyone, fukuo didn't like his sleep disturbed, "papa, stop . . ." he mumbled out, shifting his small body so his little back was facing toji, "five more minutes."
toji sighs, "five more minutes."
he then went out of the room, "he asked for five more minutes," he informs you — sitting back down on the couch.
"five more minutes," was not an unfamiliar statement to you, especially coming from fukuo who had always managed to, of course, butcher the concept of time right after. it was either an hour, or more.
so you waited five minutes, and when the young boy didn't emerge from his bedroom, you found yourself walking towards it, "fukuo? baby, come on, mama made you breakfast . . ." you turn on the light, which made fukuo subconsciously twitch.
"fukuo, come on, papa will eat your breakfast . . ." you shook the boy gently.
"shut up, mama."
you blinked in surprise, but only managed out an exasperated sigh at the boy's sudden outburst, until all of a sudden toji appears beside you — his hand wet, and he slides his palm across the boy's face with a serious look on his face.
"wake up, fukuo. i won't tell you this again," toji mutters out, "three."
oh, god. the countdown was every kid's nightmare, "two," including fukuo's — shown by how the young boy immediately sat up on his bed, "apologize to your mother."
fukuo furrowed his brows, "why?"
"you don't tell her to shut up. apologize." you were just there silently, a little shocked at how toji had become so serious when he's usually so laid-back with the boys, "say sorry and eat your breakfast."
fukuo swallows his saliva nervously and scoots over to you, "'m sorry for telling you to shut up mama, i promise i won't do that again . . ." he whispers, throwing his short arms around your neck — burying his face into the crook of your neck.
you pulled him close, carrying the young boy in your arms, "'ts okay baby, no more telling people to shut up, okay? 's not nice, it'll hurt people's feelings."
"okay mama . . . 'm sorry for hurting your feelings," fukuo pulls back slightly, pressing a chaste kiss on your cheek before facing toji, "'m sorry for hurting mama's feelings, papa."
toji placed his palm over the boy's face, covering it entirely, a sheepish smirk plastered on his lips, "go brush y'r teeth and eat your breakfast, mama made some pancakes."
𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎
nanami is such a girl dad. ever since he found out that both of you were going to have a baby girl, he's delighted. just knowing that he'd have a mini version of the both of you made his stomach churn in happiness.
hoshi. nanami hoshi is her name. it was a very peaceful six years of raising her — but they said there will be a devil baby phase, and here she was. whining, throwing tantrums over things she didn't get. it was honestly tiring, but you knew this was a risk of raising a child.
"hoshi, baby, please stand up." you cooed down at the girl who was lying down on the ground. in the middle of a mall, "mama and papa will buy that toy for you next time, i promise."
nanami was by your side, holding onto the baby stroller. his eyes were unreadable, you don't know what he had in mind, but the look he peered at your daughter was plainly and eerily terrifying.
yes, there are moments where he spoils hoshi with what she wants. toys, food, drinks, you name it. but there are times where he declines because he didn't want her to grow up too spoiled, "i wan' that toy, mama!"
you inhaled sharply, trying to slide your hand underneath her armpits to pick her up, but hoshi refused by kicking your hands away. her little kicks barely scratched you — but the people looking at your small family as they passed by definitely got a little kick to you.
"baby, people are looking at you . . ." you whispered.
"i don't care, shut up, mama!"
that was the last straw for nanami who had been silent. he grabbed your arm and tugged you up gently, nodding at you as if telling you to leave this one to him.
you backed away slightly, taking a hold of the stroller nanami had let go a few seconds prior as he squats down. forcefully but gently slipping his hands underneath hoshi's armpits, carrying her into his arms.
"mama said we will buy that toy for you next time, okay?" he sternly said, eyeing his little girl who was now silent as she gazed into his eyes, "and you never. never tell mama to shut up, do you understand?"
hoshi nods her head slowly, lips quivering at her father's sudden lecture, nanami's eyes visibly softened and he rocked her in his arms, "papa's not angry at you, hoshi. but papa wants you to know that telling mama to shut up is not polite, okay?"
again hoshi nods her head.
"go and say that you're sorry to mama," he pecked her chubby cheeks before letting her down onto the ground.
hoshi's little legs ran towards you, hugging your leg, "'m so sorry mama," she muffles into your leg, "i don't want the toy anymore, mama. 'm sorry for being a bad girl."
you squat down, nuzzling your nose to her, "you're not a bad girl, baby . . . mama and papa will buy you that next time, okay? we promise."
"okay, mama. i love you."
© CHURIPU 2024 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#fluff#gojo satoru#gojo fluff#jjk#gojo satoru x reader#nanami kento#nanami kento fluff#nanami fluff#nanami kentor x reader#fushiguro toji#toji fluff#toji fushiguro x reader#toji#nanami#gojo
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lilith through the houses
hii, it has been a while since i have made a post on here; hope everyone is doing well. i wanted to dive into a post about lilith, i see a lot of people who are curious about lilith and how it manifests in their charts. lilith represents many things; rebellion, dark feminine, jealousy, envy, and sense of freedom/power.
lilith in 1st - blessing & a curse. you have a sultry-esque to you, can appear a bit intimidating and off-putting from some sort of intensity; unintentionally. you have habits to always appeal to other people, you have a need to feel approved by others and rejection has always been a hard concept for you. you might have been bullied from women who were jealous of you when you were younger, or often left out on purpose because you seemed "untrusting," people often would read you wrong because they were too afraid to approach you. luckily for you though, you can pick up on these things right away. you have gifts for discernment and are good at blending into your environments nowadays. you are much harder to crack while you age, and that is because you have worked on your confidence & beauty through time- nobody can get under your skin as much as you do.
lilith in 2nd - loves to feel different. you love doing things that go against the standards. while everyone else was stressing over financial issues, housing, and overall structure, you had other plans. you preferred to feel free-spirited with your spending, and always found a way to attract money whether you worked for it or not. others despised you, thought you had it easy, or thought you let yourself go. you have a tendency to let others go, not in a bad way, but in a way that if there's anything stopping you from obtaining something, you will cut ties. you hold onto things that can be used to prove others wrong, probably still clings to photos, messages, etc. hates giving up easily. points out hypocricy on others a lot. you typically hate any form of control over you, not a fan of commands or orders, dislikes an overly organized environment. you like feeling accompanied in your habits. you always play your cards well.
lilith in 3rd - says it how it is always. you notice people usually love you or hate you there's no in between. sometimes attracts people who are two-faced, or always downplaying their achievements. you will really see the ugly side from people because of the way you can easily trigger them. felt held back from a young age to express certain thoughts, always likes to interject, say the things that others do not want to. has a serious tone, usually sounding mature and easily believable. you love pushing the boundaries with society and taking the lead. you are one of one, and you might notice some people have humored you a lot because they don't take you serious enough. people usually never let your past go, or they want to have a say in your reputation. to you though, any attention is good attention.
lilith in 4th - family matters. usually mother or prominent female figure forcing you to follow a path you don't want to. lots of household turmoil's, probably the ones to break a generational trauma, feeling suffocated by family and close ones. you have a hard time with making long-lasting friends and relationships out of fear of being abused emotionally somehow. easy for you to feel drained by others, feels and moves better alone. might have family members who are jealous of you or leave you behind because they cannot stand to see you succeed. maybe you felt that you hadn't been caught up as much as other kids growing up, late learner & way too self-dependent. you are strong in the sense that you take care of yourself better than others have. your pain has taught you how to provide a safe space for other people.
lilith in 5th - felt like you had a lot of energy vampires around you, anytime you wanted to feel fun-spirited you always had some people trying to void that. you are actually very easygoing, attract attention very easily, and people really admire your fierceness. however you fall short depending on the people you surround yourself with. you need uplifting beings around you, those who match your energy very well. you can always decipher who fits for you and who doesn't. you have a tendency to push away your intuition and gut feelings, you like giving chances and the ability for people to restart with you, however you realize it is a waste of time. lot of people will cling to you to try and analyze you, study you. relationships or friendships have used you to try to get the upperhand. people steal your ideas. tired of feeling bad for being yourself. you hope to remain light hearted and unravel new interests that give you a chance to understand yourself a bit more.
lilith in 6th - usually gets bullied because they are healthier than others. i know that sounds kiddish, but im serious. you know how to work twice as hard to get to where you want to be, whether that is career wise or health wise. you experience a lot of significant changes with your appearance, and you will have people trying to tear you down and invalidate your efforts. can deal with people speaking badly about your body, wishing to have your body, or lusting over your body. can have jealous co workers, outside peers, or in general you will notice that as soon as you want to change, many people do not like this. people have this preset notion of you and hate to acknowledge that you are in a better position than you used to be. you like doing things on your own schedule, you are known to being very picky, but as long as it is convenient for you, you do not mind. you're not a heavy complainer, instead you observe a lot and make do with whatever you got.
lilith in 7th - dealt with narcissists a lot of your life, has a fainted image of love and relationships. you guys love to reject other people lol, rightfully so though, most of the time you guys will have people trying to spin back to you. you are unforgettable to the ones you have had close bonds with, specifically with the other gender. can lead to men/women hating you so they can try to get over you. you love being able to try new things in relationships, switching it up is super important to you, and you love a 50/50, good give and take. if someone is too simple with you or doesn't seem as risk take-y as you, you kind of repel that. you crave to be unconditionally loved by someone that loves you in the right conditions. loves speaking out on things you find abnormal. you don't have many standards, which is why you have a lot of experience with the dating realm; however you only feel safe to settle once you see the imperfections in your partner. you hate anything superficial. you feel you can only trust those who are as damaged as you are.
lilith in 8th - feelings of powerlessness, inability to change, or endless karmaic cycles. you have been through harsh times with your inner self, and it has depleted a lot of your confidence. you are naturally more "darker or deeper" than others, you like reading between the lines and that is your superpower. you pick up on the things that most people slip. you have a strong aura of sensual energy whenever you do come together with a partner. seductive and manipulative at times, if you feel that you do not get what you want, you have a way to really make shit break out. lot of internal chaos with trying to figure yourself out. you have a strong admiration for the occult, and it is very known off of you. people often feel jealous that you know more than them, or that you are with-holding information, or that your energy is the most magnetic thing about you. you want to be able to explore everything that nobody wants to. it brings you peace to look from within more than on the out.
lilith in 9th - felt that higher purpose was always a challenge to try to figure out, religiously could have dealt with a traumatizing incident, or felt disconnected. turned against morals at one point and never looked back really. hates feeling narrow-minded, opened to new possibilities, hates certainty because things are so variable. people jealous that you can etach easily, and that you can expand onto bigger and better things. could been troubled in school for minor or major things, free will is a thing you love to test a lot. could have a lot of enemies from different backgrounds and countries, feel easily attacked for thinking differently than others. you notice how your mentality is far more different than others; you tend to be more receptive and optimistic, while other people could be more sensitive and reserved to their own thoughts. you dislike people with the inability to be free thinking as you are. you have a hard time connecting with others because of this, you feel only you can truly understand yourself. you can get frustrated easily and silenced due to it.
lilith in 10th - could feel scrutinized by authority figures in their lives, you might have a father who is controlling or somebody who is a male figure that will try to steer you from your goals. you have tried to make a lot of jobs work, however none feel too important to you. sometimes you feel that work industry can even be useless, simply because it doesn't bring you the satisfaction you want. you can even feel afraid to tap into your power in front of others, maybe seen as too shy or timid to go after what you really want. you sought more attention to what others would think rather than what you think of yourself. attracts jealousy through their jobs and careers anyway, some people find you "too this, too that" to the things you want to accomplish. you put up many facades and fake smiles to people because you feel that a lot of what you do is on display or talked about anyway. people honestly really love to throw some confusion your way, or doubt. you might really like a career that is extremely perplexing or doesn't require much at all.
lilith in 11th - felt weird from everyone else. you learned a lot of harsh lessons when you were younger, matured fast and enjoyed life much later. socially, well liked and easily applauded by others, which means that you also do have folks who have been envious of your abilities to drive the masses. you are unique and set trends. people follow you around or follow you online just to keep up with your aesthetic, it is like you are a hidden gem that prefers to be hidden. you've probably dealt with people trying to get close to you to steal from you or get with your other friends or even partners. you are naturally independent and sometimes too isolating. the feeling of needing nobody can stem from the fact that not many people surrounded themselves with you when you were younger. you socially blend in very well and use it to your advantage, as a lot of people will behave like "kiss-asses" to you. might have also dealt with fallouts with friends that have blamed you regardless of if you were guilty or not. they switch-up just as easy as they befriend you. it is undoubtedly hard to connect with some others.
lilith in 12th - spiritually been at war with yourself for a while, felt like there wasn't a place for you to confide without being shunned. hard time making sense of feelings that actually are justified to feel. others expected you to be strong and to bottle up a lot of your feelings, there was a lack of fulfillment also in teenage years due to the isolation you have went through. felt like you weren't good enough to go through with your ideas, fantasies, and goals. some part of you feels resentment towards yourself, as you learned that you were so hard on yourself when all you needed was to just experience life for what it was. always searching for something deeper. prone to nightmares or visions that have made you cautious, traumatizing experiences that nobody knows about or that has happened that was hidden from you or forgotten. sometimes you feel you don't even know what you are fighting for. you have a unique ability to contact your spiritual guides, manifesting comes easy for you once you work on this burden. you can bring out such strong changes in yourself and are capable of ending your "hellish" loops. people can feel envious of you for your trauma, and i know that sounds off, but you have been through a lot and others will try to act like they understand or can relate when they in fact do not. beware of people who pretend to be in the same boat as you. some will secretly just not like you, plain and simple.
thank you for reading this all through, if i was accurate or off, let me know i would love to see some of your input. there's so much more i can say about each and if you want me to elaborate i will! i know i have put more for some of these and less for others, regardless, i am open to your inputs, thank u <3
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