#despite wanting it so badly
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#second part of a rant about rejection and heartbreak#i know love scares him#despite wanting it so badly#so i wonder if my big emotions scared him off#which has always been one of my worst fears...#or maybe he got scared of his own big emotions#idk maybe this is still me being hopeful#but i wonder if he doesnt know how he really feels#unlikely when he said he lost his romantic feelings for me#that still really hurts#i wouldnt be nearly as devastated if he said he never liked me romantically#but he doesnt know what he wants in life yet#and he is still relatively young in the grand scheme of things#so its not impossible that hell come around again#but then i feel guilty for holding onto that last strand of hope when hes already turned me down#i feel like im betraying him somehow#i just dont know how someone WOULDNT want a relationship with their crush who loves them unconditionally#i just feel so stupid#i felt something there initially#but got scared since he was younger and i thought he was straight and im generally an anxious person with fears of scaring people away#when i care more about people than they care about me#and hey ho look where we are#why does this have to keep happening?#why cant i get i get a happily ever after?#i give and i give and i give but life never gives me anything back#i dont give conditionally#but i hate feeling like an emptied out carcass always doomed to love others but not be loved in return#ive never felt this way about anyone before#hes my whole world and im full of this unsharable love thats eating me#him
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figure skating set right now please. thanks
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww#after work I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old#anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set#(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side#however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress#from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look#but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again#it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning#is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled#my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist#i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.
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sukuna who's about to go insane after a long day, needing to feel you.
sukuna who start's taking off your lounge wear. shirt first, before leaning in to kiss you as his hands go to the hem on your waist.
sukuna who starts pulling your shorts down before they get stuck over your hips, groaning in frustration.
sukuna who is fighting every urge to rip them off as he asks, "how'd you get these damned things on, brat?"
sukuna who is about at his wits end as they finally slide down, underwear in tow.
sukuna who all but moans in relief as they do, relishing in the sight before him. of course only after he victoriously flings his now most hated pair of shorts across the house. never wishing to see them again.
#★tiff.talks★#★tiff.wrote?!★#i'm too embarrassed to write him fucking and/or munching you but just know he ravages you entirely.#inspired by my own lounge shorts that fit so nicely on my waist but are so hard to get over my thighs/hips.#also- he doesn't rip them despite how badly he wanted to because last time he did... well lets just say you were naked but NOT afraid#(he didn't get to touch you for a week. hence learning his lesson to never destroy your clothes... without permission.)#jjk#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x you#jjk smut#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna smut
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They make such a nice couple. The king and queen are pretty nice too. Heheheh.
#homestuck#june egbert#rose lalonde#replyed seer descend and had a lot of thoughts about this moment#and i guess the entirety of how “predestined” the narrative wants grmdrks to be#both in the way the story sets up the 2+2 boy and girl situation#and how rose and junes dynamic early on especially gets explored#only to subvert those expectations by making these two just. Not interested in each other#despite how badly the story wants its game of house to go perfectly its autonomous toys dont want to cooperate#so its just constant moments that are like “haha someone said we should get married but i dont really care about all that if you dont”#whatever. whatever i love june and rose so very badly is all you need to know
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Same As The Day I Lost You
I...
This came to me as I'm making dinner so I'll be quick.
What if we mix deaged Danny and twin/older sibling (either one works) Damian, AND he gets tossed to his sibling in a last minute escape.
Like what if he was fighting Vlad who was doing his whole "denounce your father and join me as my son Daniel!" Thing while in the Zone and knocks Danny into something that's floating in the Zone with the ability to deage or was hit by a new Fenton or Plasmius invention while fighting in town that accidentally deages him.
Danny, who in this was adopted, gets put back to the age of six. The same age he had been found by Jazz in a 'haunted' forest Jack and Maddie were visiting/investigating while also using that time as a family vacation. (They were shocked to see a little boy with a stab wound bleeding out and rushed him to the nearby town, almost completely forgetting about the glowing green tiny puddle they found nearby and bagged most of it as evidence when they heard Jazz's scream of terror over finding the hurt little boy)
The sudden revert into that traumatized age, along with the child response to a fight or flight scenario, and add Danny's deepest need/wish to be protected his child fogged mind wishes to go to the one person who always made him feel safe.
His twin/older brother.
Just as quick as it was with Danny being turned into a child, his ghost powers ripped open a portal and sent Danny to the person he wants to be with...
Only he didn't know that right at that moment his seventeen year old twin/older brother is currently fighting the League with his family's help (his mother was trying to convince him to return to the League and be it's heir) in Nanda Parbat (the very place Damian lost the last/only person he knew loved him without any strings attached.)
So imagine everyone's face when a portal opened up, some muttering its a new pit being formed before them or something, and crawling out of it is a very scared and confused six year old Danny.
#danny phantom dc#danny fenton#danny phantom#dp x dc#crossover#dc x dp crossover#No one will be ready for child Danny#Does he have his older memories? idk maybe#maybe his six year old mind from the sudden deage is at front rn or something#Damian almost feral/angry screams at his mother for 'daring to try to replace Danyal with a cheap clone'#only to see the look on her face and knows this wasn't planned#his little brother who he secretly watched as his mother tried to go behind grandfather's back to heal only for the pit to greedily keep#was brought back by the pits not looking a day over the age he lost him#What happened was Danny disobeyed an order from Ra's and was punished for it#he almost died for it and Talia wanted very badly to keep him because he looked so much like her beloved and she couldn't bare losing that#Only the pits kept Danyal instead of bringing him back#or rather under the guide of a certain entity he was brought to the forest the Fenton's were visiting#Damian scoops Danyal up when he see's the look in his mother's eyes shift from shock to calculating greed/love#he refuses to leave his brother in the hands of the League or his mother#he loves her despite everything but knows Danyal would never truly survive their mother's version of 'love' especially in the League#Also Damian may have...refused/forgotten to tell the others about Danyal#so cue them being horrifically confused#The pure sick feeling and deep seeded panic Bruce feels when he see's the mini version of himself but with hints of Talia hits hard#blue rambles
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something about desperately wanting to trust
#ace attorney#apollo justice ace attorney#ace attorney dual destinies#klavier gavin#kristoph gavin#apollo justice#athena cykes#indys art#so you know that one post talking about klavier I reblogged a few days ago well it really stuck with me hjkhl#there was one quote ''he refuses to see what his mind has deduced because he wants to trust so badly" and my mind would not let that go JKH#and couldnt help but notice that apollo does something VERY similar with athena in DD#obviously very different between athena and kristoph but idk theres something about going against your better judgement because you care-#and want to trust people you care abt despite everything#very fun and cool
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trying to explain to other otasune fans that snake is NOT the one with internalized homophobia in their coupling
#y’all see a a slightly smaller man in the queer ship and make him your femboy out and proud twink yas queen#and he got raised by kaz#the fruit ever#he is caught up and knowledgeable about queer terminology#I don’t think he’s like open about it cause military but i think it’s the least of his issues#Otacon tho???#the guy with the dad who instilled fear of weakness inside him#and a mom who ended up marrying a man despite being in lovr with a woman and being really depressed#and then getting groomed by his step mom#and got a weird inferiority complex about all of that which related to the wah he finds piece in manga and anime#he can calls himself a loser and weak by his own interests and not by the more serious things he doesn’t want to examine#the way he talks about snake in the games and novels like he wants him so badly but refuses to every actually tell him#he wants them to be a family but the connotation to family to him is so fucked up#he tells himself that snake knows what he’s thinking because he knows what’s snake thinking but snake doesn’t#the scene where he sleeps with Naomi on the night snake is leaving for his suicide mission??#LIKE???#mgs#otasune#snotacon#snavid#otacon#mgs otacon#metal gear solid
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If it wasn't for your Tumblr, I never would've watched The 10th (Tenth?) Kingdom. I thank you. 😃
You're welcome.
Now you too can live with the knowledge that we'll never get the planned sequel and, as a result, never see the abomination that these two managed to spawn.
I am haunted by the fact Simon Moore (writer) confirmed that their offspring would be 100% wolf.
#'Don't freak out Virginia. Our love is so pure that it transcends all boundaries--including nature's laws!'#trashtalk#the tenth kingdom#anonymous#I think one of the reasons the Tenth Kingdom is so fascinating to me is because of how unintentionally (?) dark it is#A human woman giving birth to an animal. Wolf's heavily implied cannibalism ( and heavily implied . . . other stuff )#EVERYTHING going on with Virginia's mother. Oh yeah and Wolf's family being burnt alive :- )#on a lighter note Simon Moore also confirmed that their hellspawn was in fact intended to be female#despite Wolf's previous statement 'He's a little furry chap just like me!'#so either Wolf's senses aren't as sharp as he boasts or . . . -trans flag cross fade-#and on top of /becoming/ a father Wolf was apparently meant to reunite with his own along the way#Do you know how badly I want to see the man who reared a reprobate like Wolf#and then there's the 'Wolf becomes a girl's boarding school teacher' subplot...............................................................
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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I haven't drawn in a month, so forgive me for the terrible quality😭😭 But listen - I love the headcanon that D and Lawrence Valcua weren't the only ones who were the 'only success'. I'm sure there was someone else before, and I thought for so long that I wanted to draw this. It's just a concept that went too far, sorry
#vampire hunter d#vhd#lawrence valcua#sketch#this is not at all what i imagined when i thought about this art#twin d was also called success#i remember that#why didn't i draw him? i forgot#and despite all my love for him i didn’t want to draw him here tbh#i'm so ashamed that i implemented this idea so badly😭🙏
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Okay Arcane Season 2 Final reaction -Episode 7
I am freaking the FUCK out
In case anyone is wondering, Jinx is my favorite, I want happiness for her, don’t get me wrong I love all the others but if she’s not happy by the end of this you won’t ever see me again
Opening vinyl-I literally stopped breathing ID THAT EKKO AND JINX AGSJRBLDJ?!?!
My king Ekko, where have you been all this time. Please come home we miss you
EKKO?! And is that little drawing Jinx??
OH ALTERNATE UNIVERSE TIME BABEY so many fanfics are going to go off this I can tell
EKKO!! He looks so handsome and alive!!! (My hopes for these characters ARE VERY LOW AS YOU CAN TELL)
Jinx looks so cute!!!
BENZO!! Oh my fucking god is this going to be a Happy Universe that NONE OF THEM ARE GOING TO GET?! I’m going to throw myself off a cliff.
Oh my god no one ever address Ekko’s trauma with Benzo I’m so glad they’re doing it THAT WAS HIS DAD!!
This is cruel. This is just cruel how DARE they give us a happy au
No Netflix I will not skip the intro fuck off
AAAAW EKKO NOO SEEING EVERYTHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
God Jinx looks SO CUTE I need so much fanart of her
Ps I know this is technically Powder, I’m too lazy to constantly switch names so Jinx
Also does she have a pink streak in her hair? I don’t like the implications of that
Aaaaaw they’re partners :((((
MYLO AND CLAGGOR HOW FUCKING DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU OH FUCK OH GOD
Wait omg “Trouble in paradise” TIMEBOMB?!
I have gotten through THREE MINUTES OF THIS SHOW
Oh that cute Jinxer is here woo! Lmao Mylo is so real.
Aaaw Claggor he’s trying to help the city and he cares about his little sister AND HOW FUCKING DARE YOU ARCANE
AAAW JINX TRYING TO HELP MYLO FUCKING HELL ARCANE
“WHAT WOULD THEY DO WITHOUT YOU” JESUS CHRIST ARCANE
Okay this isn’t funny anymore where’s Vi
Okay but is it OUR professor?! (I can’t spell his name)
IT IS!!
Okay but WHY what’s happening with Jayce?!
VI VI VI VI VI
OH NO JAYCE WHY CANT HE BE HAPPY TOO?!
Ooooh his HAMMER is why he got sent to the apocalypse au huh
Is that evil Viktor. Is that the Machine Herald? IS IT TIME FOR GLORIOUS EVOLUTION?!
Wow I was just joking with the apocalypse au but it really was it huh?
Aw I like that Jinx kept her workshop
Is that a heart. Around a picture of them. IS TIMEBOMB ACTUALLY CANON IN THIS UNIVERSE?!
Wait, is this THEIR WORKSHOP?!
FUCK I KNEW VI WAS GOING TO BE DEAD GOD DAMN IT
Oh this isn’t happy at all :(
OH FUCK THIS ISNT HAPPY AT ALL
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT HOLY HELL?! OH MY GOD THERE WAS NO REASON FOR SHOWING ME THAT
Way to hammer it in Arcane for no fucking reason other than MAKING ME CRY YOU PIECE OF SHIT. LIKE I GOT IT. VI IS DEAD IN THAT UNIVERSE. DIDNT NEED TO SHOW ME HER SIBLINGS REACTING TO HER DEATH
GLORIOUS EVOLUTION HORROR
Oh god not doomed Timebomb IN THE FUCKING HAPPY AU
Poor Jayce just has to fucking go through it huh
Wow that is an understatement.
Okay but MelJayVik crumbs ILL TAKE IT
YEAH THE PERSEVERE JAYCE!!!!
NO STOP MAKING ME CRY WITH THE HAPPY AU
There’s not much I can say with Jayce other than holy fuck this poor man
God they could have been partners. They could have been the brightest minds in all of Zaun. They could have been HAPPY. I fucking hate this show why would you show me this. I’m never going to recover
HE BROKE TIME BABY!!! FOUR SECONDS BACKWARDS LETS GOOOO
God they are so in love. God this is going to kill me
Oh my god the fanartists and editors are going to MURDER me with the “Do you think we together in every universe” trend aren’t they?
SILCO?! ZAUNDADS CANON?!
Ekko hold on. EKKO HOLD ON.
Oh my god this reference to season 1 episode 4 how fucking dare you
HOW DARE YOU MAKE TIMEBOMB CANON LIKE THIS?! AURRRGGGHHHH
Ripping my hair out. Clawing my eyes out. Beating my chest until it caves in. This is everything I could ever want. HOW. DARE. YOU.
I love them. I love them so much. Why would you do this to me.
IM GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK
#uni talks about the universe#arcane#jinx arcane#ekko arcane#Benzo arcane#vi arcane#caitlyn arcane#ISHA IS ALIVE TRUST#I decided to write out the tags before I finish the rest of the episode#I might add more later#expect a tone shift#Jayce arcane#Viktor arcane#Vander arcane#time bomb????👀👀👀#yes I am a timebomb shipper#despite the doom of it all#arcane claggor#mylo arcane#I CANT BELIEVE I HAVE TO ADD THOSE TAGS#oh real quick#arcane season 2 spoilers#for blocking purposes#timebomb canon#but at what cost#timebomb#jinx x Ekko#I LITERALLY WANTED THIS SO BADLY#AND I HATE IT
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love that charles is the brawn/protector when edwin's the exact opposite of a glass cannon
#dead boy detectives#edwin will walk off iron burns as a non-issue because it's small potatoes after hell#but he's incapable of throwing a punch#and doesn't bother flinching away because charles will step up as the first line of defense#until proven otherwise (my god i hope they have fencing in season 2) edwin's main attack is his tongue#cattiest bitch around#meanwhile charles does NOT just shake off iron but he does still immediately step up wielding his cricket bat#i want to know so badly how it went from 'i'm aces with other people' to 'i'm edwin's valiant knight and THAT is what i bring to the table'#'he's wearing your bracelet but i'm wearing his favor. we are not the same'#also having feelings about whatever that was in the pilot where it was edwin swearing that he'd make sure they'd never be separated#charles may not have paid attention to the myth of orpheus and eurydice but he was saving all his attention span for the tales of chivalry#'your loyal knight with his trusty cricket bat'#edwin: [amused but charmed despite himself]
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Ough Sonourge/Shadeclipse parallels you mean so much to me
#sonic the hedgehog#archie sonic comics#sonourge#shadeclipse#shadclipse#novaeclipse#novaeclipseshipping#shadow the hedgehog#scourge the hedgehog#anti sonic#eclipse the darkling#i just be ramblin#archie sonic issue 191#archie sonic issue 196#sonic universe#sonic universe issue 60#shadow fall#sonic universe issue 68#archie sonic issue 192#girls when the literal embodiment of 'what if one of the mcs grew up differently and took a different path' extended a hand to the mc#they're based off of and wanted to become twin somethings with them and have them by their sides#and then they go into a special form and retaliate after being rejected by the mc who finds them twisted and evil#Scourge and Eclipse each wanted the other so badly it made them look stupid#the parallels man the parallels#not to mention that the 'join me' thing happens because Eclipse and Sonic/Scourge start thinking about the moral dilemma and decide that#despite the past their other can easily switch sides and join them#if they only wanted to
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[mild tw for marital rape/forced 'consent' its only referenced a little, but it feels necessary to mention it]
imagine Alicent only standing up for herself when Aegon is in the picture. Imagine her talking her son to her chambers cause he's fussy and won't go down for bed and was asking for his mum, and she has him tucked close, blissfully asleep, and Viserys calls for her.
she knows she can't refuse, but she tells the servant he had sent to make him aware of Aegon's state. he still demands that she be brought to his chambers and that the babe go back to his nursemaid. she looks down at her baby, who's now woken due to the disturbance, who is staring up at her with soft tired eyes, a little yawn escaping him.
she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to be forced to take her husband, to pleasure him at her own discomfort. she doesn't want to leave her son, to have him sent back to bed where he will remain restless and in the care of someone who is not his mother. she had never want to refuse more than she did in that moment.
she hesitates, her facade falters. Aegon is still looking up at her as tears well up in her eyes. he quirks his head at her, fingers reaching for her cheeks as if to comfort her. with a sudden conviction, she takes him in her arms, rising from the bed, requesting a robe and a blanket. when her servant looks at her in question, she clarifies that she will be taking Aegon with her and does not wish to rouse him in attempts to dress him. they look at her with shock, but don't voice the concern written on their faces.
they bring her Viserys's favorite robe. Alicent recognizes it from her time with Rhaenyra and Aemma. she's worn it before, Viserys has made sure the servants bring it to her every time he requests her. she hates the way it feels against her skin, knowing why he makes her wear it. she wraps aegon in his blanket, soft and royal blue, his hands beginning to play with its golden tassles as she tucks him inside her robe, pressed to her chest with care.
even as fear bites at her heels, anxiety churning her stomach, she walks to Viserys's chamber with her held high. she knows she is only asking for her husband's wrath; she knows she should just obey him, but she just can't. her son will not suffer a sleepless night and horrid following day all because her husband feels the need to use her body once more. he will not suffer at his father's hands tonight, even if she has to endure Viserys's anger for it.
she enters her husband's chambers, finding him in bed, in a white night gown, clearly ready to use her; he was never subtle when he asked for her, not even the first time.
she pauses in the doorway, pulling back the robe slightly, making him aware of Aegon's presence. she watches his face fall, barely muted anger. she holds onto Aegon tighter. part of her fears he may hurt her for this disturbance, but more of her fears he will hurt Aegon on her behalf.
"I told the damned servants to take him," his voice is warped and cruel, just an angry scowl of sorts.
"Aegon is not well, dear husband... I could not leave him," she admits before he can say anything else. she puts her foot forward as a mother, hoping to claim mercy from the man who made her one.
he mutters something in response, not quite loud enough for her to hear. she has a feeling she is grateful for that.
"what was it you needed, my dear?" she tries to sound sweet and kind, in attempts to abate his anger, "I'm sure I could still attend to it."
"you know what I wanted," he yelled. it had been the first time he'd truly raised his voice to her. she couldn't help but gasp, stepping back one step, than two, stopping when Aegon began to fuss, curling around him instead.
"Please Viserys, the baby." she ducks her head down to press her against his whispy white hair. her son his huffing, as if about to cry, and she's sure if she could see his face, his little cheeks would be red and his eyes would be crinkled and wet, his lip puckered. she begins to rock him slightly, still afraid to move.
"your'e dismissed," he grunts, but his tone gives it away. she knows he doesn't mean it, the if she leaves she will be in more trouble. she questions staying, calling a servant to take Aegon and giving him what he wants, but decides against it. he would not come before her son, not now, not ever.
"I'm sorry, my dear, another night, when I do not have Aegon to tend to," she forces some cheer into her tone, "he is still so young, so helpless. he needs his mother. I'm sure you understand?"
"he is not the only one in need of you." he had not lost his anger yet. not even for the sake of his son.
"yes, of course. forgive me. only he is not as understanding as you, my love." that wasn't the truth, Aegon was more kind and understanding at a year old, than viserys was in all of his years. "I will leave now. I am sorry for the disturbance."
she pauses for a moment, waiting for her husbands reaction. when he doesn't lash out at her, she breathes a quiet sigh of relief, feeling as though she has evaded a great beast. her heart calms in her chest, slowing from its fluttering and her stomachs stops its dizzing ache. she questions turning and running, fleeing from his presence before he can change his mind, but knows better.
she hurries to his side, eyeing him all the while, each step calculated, avoiding cracking any eggshells, until she is close enough to kiss his cheek. he allows it, and gives Aegon grace when he reaches out for him, letting him play with his finger a moment, before pulling it away, not even turning away fully before sneering. she takes that as her cue to leave, this one being much more genuine than the last.
"goodnight dear husband." he says nothing. she takes Aegon's little hand, waving it slightly, "say goodnight Aegon."
her son tries to imitate her, though unintelligible, as a toddler would. she continues to smile and coo at him even when his father ignores him, not letting him feel his father's scorn, quickly turning towards the door and back to her own chambers.
the second the door is close she feels herself sag, she would have fallen to the floor right then and there had there not been kingsgaurd watching. instead she holds her head high once more, walking calm and steady, like a queen should.
Aegon settles his forehead against her collar, giving a great yawn against her skin. she smiles at him fondly, kissing his brow, earning a tired little giggle from him. it hits her that he is unaware of the trouble he just saved her from. she feels equal parts relief as she does terror; she hopes he never knows, never understands, but is so so thankful for it none the less.
the second she steps into her chambers she pulls of the robe, setting it aside carefully despite the pain it brings her, respecting the memories it carried. she pulls back the covers before smothering her and her son amongst them. he's quick to curl against her, quite tuckered out after their harrowing adventure, even if he was unaware of its true weight. she herself still wanted to cry, but was similarly too tired to keep her eyes open for another moment. tomorrow, she tells herself, tomorrow will be difficult, but tonight you have your son, tonight you have a chance to rest.
so she does, she holds him close, tracing fingers over the gold threaded patterned of his blanket, feeling the shifting of his chest as he breathes and the tickle of his hair against her neck. all is well in that moment. she drifts to sleep at the thought.
#omage to Aemma's robe that we see alicent wearing in episode 3 (I believe. it was when she was helping bathe viserys)#cause I know he made her wear it cause he's a monster#this is set prior to Helaena's conception. aegon is tiny. and alicent is still naive to the true extents of viserys's abuse.#especially to the fact that despite all of the love she holds for her children and how badly she wishes to always pick them first#his abuse and the stockholm syndrom that follow it will turn her against her children. aegon in particular.#maybe not against. but acrid and foul. her pain overtaking her love. she still tries so hard to protect them though. if you get what I mean#its otto's fault too and they should both die#anyway#I'm just in my feels with these two#we didn't get enough scenes of them together especially when they were both young and I wanted to give alicent a moment were she fought bac#she refused to give him what he wanted. she chose her child over him. she stood up for herself and what she wanted.#she earned that moment#I know she was choking through those “my dears” and “my loves” but she had to for formalities sake#angst in the front fluff in the back#even if the fluff is laced with angst#letting alicent be soft and love her son#I needed it#aegon targaryen#aegon ii targaryen#alicent hightower#anti viserys i targaryen#pro team green#hotd#house of the dragon#I love them your honor
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Hi, it’s Force. I just need to tell you guys, thank you for watching the series and for letting me into your heart. Without you guys as my emotional support, I wouldn’t be here today. All the love you give me, I’ll keep it with me forever. I don’t know what the future holds, but you need to know that I love all of you.
Hello, it’s Book. It’s very nice to meet all of you, both those who have been here all this time, and those who have just met me. Thank you for all the love on both my good days and bad days, and thank you for supporting my dreams. So please don’t forget to follow your dreams too. Love yourself and smile a lot of days that the world isn’t too nice to you. I love you and know that I’m also here for you. See you.
#am i upset i didn’t get the abaab dvd boxset? absolutely#anyways. these messages are just. so them and so lovely#force wanting to tattoo his love for us into our brains#and book telling us to smile even on bad days when he and force have given us nothing but happiness and joy#despite the world treating them badly often#i always say that they take all the hate they get and turn them into love and kindness to give back to us and it’s not an overstatement#they always protect our smiles and i wish i could protect theirs too#i wish i could make all of their dreams come true :(#forcebook#a boss and a babe#mj talks
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dammit i miss qsmp
#qsmp#i'll see the tag flooded with this similar sentiment and yeah i really do#i haven't really had a hyperfixation since it ended (aside from watching phil streams ofc). it's still kinda there even if it's not active#like dang it i want q's goal of uniting communities around the world to continue so badly#and whenever it returns i hope everything turns out okay bts-wise#hell so many cc's express missing it as well. and it's interesting bc...#idk it's so different from d$mp where barely a handful expressed really missing it#whereas here i do think (despite what a lot of bitter ex-fans like to project) a lot of cc's could return as long as things are better#bc the experience of qsmp is hard to replicate or make in just any other server#qsmp was just something special. and sure another qsmp won't truly replicate the 'magic' of its first beginnings but whatever#i don't want it to try doing that. i hope it tries to be its own thing while still pursuing that goal of worldwide community building
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