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post-itpenny · 5 years ago

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Breaking Down

Here we go onto the next part and our old familiar friend Angst. After this there will be a short break form the story, if anything but to stall having to write the end.

Tagging @grotesquegabby and @clownsgobeepbeep

Magpie came home.

She walked in through the front door of her home with Maggie who she then insisted returned to Billy’s manor.

“Your priorities have to change now poppy,” Magpie said with a small smile. “Go home to your fiancé and get some rest. You’ll need it soon enough.”

So Magpie was left alone, Honey and Brie having gone out somewhere with Trouble. Magpie was happy they were taking such good care of him, though it would have been nice to come home to everyone.

So she fixed herself a cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen table. Alone.

The shadows grew long in the evening light. Magpie fidgeted in her seat, she was so hungry. How was that possible after spending a week with all she could eat Joy?

But then again had she eaten?

Magpie stood up with a clatter as the chair fell backwards. Not bothering to correct it as she rushed out the door and into the twilight.

It felt odd putting on a performance, no assistant this time as she didn’t want Maggie exerting herself too much.

Magpie spent the first half of her performance feeling every bit of a sham. She had wanted to recreate some of the spectacular sights she had seen on Blackwood’s planet and the audience did seem to enjoy themselves, but it just wasn’t the same.

For the first time ever, Magpie called for an intermission.

It was a gamble, people could wander out of the tent during that time and she would lose her meal. But backstage Magpie sat on the floor crying. Why wasn’t it the same?

Perhaps because her talents weren’t the same.

Magpie sat up in her revelation, Blackwood could create literally anything, but Magpie could not. She was limited according to adding the essence of life. The more sentient the more difficult, however after performing some of the acts and stunts she had seen on Blackwood’s planet Magpie realized something.

She definitely beat the elder when it came to imagination.

Magpie was a picky eater, always had been. Her true dietary need was serendipity, an emotion she had found over the years was tricky to cultivate. To draw it out you needed a certain “pop” to what you gave the crowd. She didn’t need to make them happy, she needed to have them in awe.

Magpie wipes her eyes and rushed back out onto the stage ending the intermission without warning. She gave her best smile and snapped her fingers.

The Neon Circus was a favorite of hers. A lighted spectacle of a ghostly circus performing around her chosen audience in bright colors. The finale being a three tier carousel that appeared to be made of live animals that glowed in the darkness. Braver audience members would climb onto the ride. Magpie always liked this part, seeing people discovering their favorite animal and for just a moment being able to interact with a live version in a magical and unearthly way.

The animals weren’t real of course, but they were beautiful and easily deceived the crowd.

In the end, the emotions of sudden good fortune and unexpected delight that the audience felt was so strong Magpie found she got her fill without even having to pick a single victim to take home to her dinner table.

It was good.

Magpie strolled home under the dim streetlights. She felt better, perhaps a good meal was what she had been needing.

“Weeell hello my Starshine.”

Magpie froze up before spinning around on her heels. Jack stood behind her, casually leaning against a wall. “Wonderful performance tonight. Gotta say though Pumpkin the first half didn’t seem like your usual flair.”

Magpie bristled, “You were there?”

Jack smiled and pushed himself from the wall. “Of course Sweetheart, you had been gone for a couple days and Ol’ Jack was worried.”

“Yo-you’ve been spying on me?”

Jack chuckled, “no just watching out for you. The bug and bird won’t ever let me come say hi you know?”

“So stalking?”

“I just like keeping tabs on my favorite girl.” Jack smiled as he approached her.

Magpie backed up, she wasn’t afraid of Jack, seeing him actually made her mad as hell. She was afraid of herself.

“Angel I’ve missed you,” Jack cooed, “You can’t say you don’t miss me-“

“I don’t.”

“You were never good at lying Angel,” Jack chuckled as he reached for her. “I know every inch of you, and I know how your pretty little heart works.”

Jack pulled Magpie to him and kissed her.

For a moment-

For only a moment.

Magpie let herself enjoy it.

She had not forgotten how good it was, how good a kisser he actually was.

For just a moment Magpie let herself enjoy it.

And then she slammed her heel down onto his toes as hard as she could.

Jack shouted in pain before shoving Magpie back. She fell to the ground hard, her anger and hurt boiling over.

“I hate you! I hate you!”

The streetlights flaired bright before shattering. The surge of electricity spreading into the city in seconds, knocking out the power. The ground around Magpie cracked and buckled, nearby trees caught fire.

Through it all, Jack held his ground with a wicked smile, “no you don’t Starshine. You don’t hate me and you know that’s the truth.”

“Looks like she does dude.”

Jack looked up, behind Magpie stood a clown dressed like something out of the 90s. He grinned, showing a set of sharp teeth.

Jack stuck his hands in his pockets and chuckled, “nice set of chompers there Rex.” Jack sneered. “If you don’t mind this is between my mate and I.”

Magpie swiped at him with a long set of claws. Her body distorting into a thousand shapes at once. She came back together in a loud “snap!” As a wave of energy shot out from her like a ripple in a pond.

The wave spread across the city. Flat tires, stubbed toes, muggings and getting arrested, cooking fires, bone breaks, food poisoning, and one small child dropped their ice cream.

Alex casually watched his shoelaces untied themselves and with a small “pop!” One of the lenses from his sunglasses fell out of their frame.

Jack now looked nervous. As if he knew something Alexander did not. Magpie was curled up on the ground as if in pain.

Alex stepped around her and up to Jack, one of his strange eyes visible thanks to the missing lens.

“Homeslice, if that wasn’t a sign she doesn’t want you around then I don’t know what is.”

Jack smirked and stepped closer, his chest almost touching Alex’s.

“Friend I’m not much in the mood for a challenge, but if a fight is what you want-“

“Chill my dude,” Alex chuckled, “I̷͉̖͝ͅ��̠̺̳̳’̸̙̰̹̳̀̓͂͘͘̚m̸̲̰͖͈̗̼̐̂̀̃͌̋͋ ̷̡̧͉̲̦̩̟̫͋̀͂̀͆̕j̴̨͙͚̻̩̟̘̳̎ú̴̙̲̟̍s̶̯̗̎̄͐t̷͔̖͈͓͉͉̿̒̅̀̑ͅ ̸̝̞͌̈́̐t̶̲̘͙͓͌̌͜r̵̨͕̹̞͕̉̽̔ÿ̵̧̋̏͠ī̴͇͉̭͝n̴̤͍̫̆͋͒g̴̺͉̠̹̰̑̋̾̏͝ ̷͙̯̣̞͉̌̈̏̆t̵̢̛͕̘̩̰̳͚̹̓̐͛̇̕o̵̝͔͓̯͇̬̰̍̊̓̊͑ ̶͚̟͈̱̍̀h̸̝̏̀͌ã̷͓̥̭͐v̸̢̤͇̺̻́e̵͚̚̕͠ ̸̱̐͠ȁ̴̡̙̹͉̮̣̘̏̌̓̈́͝ͅ ̶̡̟̣͓̙̞͖̗̈̽͆̿g̴͕͓͇̥̟͕͍̈ơ̷̠̱̅͒͋ô̴̰̈́̾̆͂͒͠d̸̹̞͚̝̘̫̣̓̑̉̐͂ͅ ̵̺̟̬̞̯̻̋t̵̼͚̘̎͊̓̈́̂̅i̷̧̤̫͉̹͗͊̀͊̋̿͘m̵̞͖̦̭̣̈͜e̵̜̱̔̎͋̃̆͐̈́͝.̶͚͈͓̞̳͚̥̎͛̑”̷̫͖̤͊́̀̉̇

Jack stepped back with a slight look of alarm. The ground shook as another wave of bad luck flowed from Magpie and into the surrounding area. Cars crashed, glass shattered, fights broke out,lightning struck buildings-

A bird pooped on Jacks’ shoulder.

Alex started laughing, Jack looking at his shoulder in disgust.

“Step off bro. Stop acting like your anything special.”

Alex turned to Magpie, ignoring an angry Jack.

“Sup chica, funny story but there I was at the club. Party getting real good and the power goes out. Not good for business you know what I mean?”

Magpie was a crying mess, Alex sighed and leaned against the wall to wait it out, Jack was long gone.

“Yo that was pretty neat though, good luck and good luck huh?”

Magpie sniffled and looked up at him, “I’m sorry what?”

Alexander quirked and eyebrow, so she didn’t know then?

“Never mind, anyways you good now? Done going postal?”

“... what?”

Alexander grinned, “you chill?”

“What?”

Alexander laughed, “I’m just messing with you, but I do need you to turn back on the power, also you owe me a new pair.” He insisted as he held out his broken glasses.

Magpie half heatedly snapped her fingers and Alexander’s glasses repaired themselves. She then timidly pulled off her glove to inspect a tear in the fabric from when she fell.

“You pulled off a clown’s mask,” Alexander observed, “not the brightest idea.”

Magpie hid her hand behind her back. Alex chuckled, “you good chica.” Alex said as he pulled off his own glove to show a blackened hand.

Magpie smiled bitterly, “does anything bother you? Also my name is not Chica Alexander.”

Alex chuckled and pulled Magpie to her feet, “It’s just Alex. No need to be so formal with me Pie.”

“But Alexander is a perfectly nice name and….. I’m sorry Pie?”

Magpie broke into a fit of giggles, Alexander looking down to watch his shoes magically retie themselves.

“I’m not to sure of that one,” Magpie giggled as she snapped her fingers, restoring power to the city at last.”

Alexander grinned, turning to leave when a hand grabbed his jacket sleeve.

Magpie swayed slightly, as if exhausted. Her cheeks colored just slightly, “Alex I’m sorry to bother you more but could you please see me home?”

Alexander offered her his arm to lean on. “Sure thing, let’s bounce.”

“... What?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day it poured rain.

Magpie sat out in the garden at a small table, seeming unbothered by the fact she was soaked. She had tried to contact James that morning. Saddened to hear how shaken he had been by coming to get Magpie from her elder’s planet. The D’Vitts were not happy, the fear that she had caused so much trouble… again… it sat in her gut like heavy stones.

She had not slept much, the confrontation with Jack… she felt like her insides had been on fire. What was that?

“This is more of duck weather than magpie weather don’t you think?”

Magpie looked over her shoulder to find Cecilio walking out towards her. Magpie snapped her fingers as a plethora of umbrellas appeared hovering above them, blocking out the rain.

Cecilio sat down next to her and said nothing for a short time, looking down to notice Magpie had her hand out to him.

“Could I have one please?”

Cecilio frowned, “one what?”

Magpie gave him a rather pointed look, the request suddenly clicking as he pulled out a cigar and lit it before passing it along to Magpie and lighting one for himself.

Magpie took a long drag before allowing the smoke to escape her mouth slowly. “Thank you.”

Cecilio nodded, “didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t.”

Magpie tapped some ash off the end of the cigar and took another long drag. Cecilio shrugged and decided not to push the subject further. He was here for another reason anyways.

“So how goes it?”

Magpie did not answer, focusing on her cigar.

Cecilio tried again, “so that planet was crazy right?”

It rained even harder.

Cecilio sighed, releasing a puff of smoke as he did.

“Maybe I should go back.”

He turned to Magpie in surprise, “is that what you want to do?”

Magpie looked away but did not answer.

Cecilio pushed further, “it seems to me that a lot of people were worried about you. Why go back?”

Magpie put her head in one hand, “because I’m just trouble here. At least back there I didn’t bother anyone.”

“Who said you were bothering people?” Cecilio questioned. “If anything I think it would bother your friends a lot if you went back. Magpie that place was one giant venus fly trap and you know it. Do you really want to be like those people?”

“No.”

“You can’t just be happy and all sunshine all the time.”

“You can, you’re ex is dead.”

“Yeah and I about had a heart attack in the process of it, she didn’t go out easy.” Cecilio admitted. “I’m still in the Bad Ex Club with you.”

Magpie gave a tiny smile as she crushed the remains of her cigar under her boot. The rain letting up just a little.

Soon the two walked inside and Magpie was surprised to find Belinda sitting with Magpie and a plate of brownies.

Apparently Pepper had been upset from Blackwood’s planet as well much to Magpie’s unease.

But Belinda had wanted to check on Magpie and brought fudge brownies which helped a little.

Magpie was willing to admit the company was nice. She explained to the three of them how she had been feeling lately, had been feeling for a long time actually. Admitting that the appeal of a planet free from worry and sadness had gotten the best of her. She apologized several times and each time told to let it pass. Belinda was actually a very good listener, it was such a small act but it did help.

Cecilio looked outside to notice it had stopped raining.

Also, there was one more cigar left in his pocket then he had otherwise thought, her looked to Magpie but she seemed preoccupied in teasing Maggie for eating three apples in a row. Cecilio looked back at the cigar and chuckled.

Huh, neat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening Honey and Brie came home with Trouble.

The little dachshund was in fits. Crying and licking Magpie’s face so intensely Magpie had to sit down. His little body wiggling as he wagged his tail as hard as he could.

Brie was very happy to have Magpie home, Honey was clearly unhappy.

“You promised to come back in three days, you were gone a week.”

Magpie flinched, “I know and I am sorry about that. I honestly lost track of time.”

Honey rolled her eyes and went to go sit on the couch, Brie joining her.

Magpie took a deep breath and sat down in the chair across from them.

“Please, let me explain myself.”

Honey shrugged but said nothing.

Magpie placed her hands in her lap, fingers nervously intertwined. “I have been… I… I have made a lot of mistakes that I spent a great deal of time paying for. I caused a great deal of grief for my family and had to pay a heavy price. I made the mistake of letting the wrong person have my heart and turn me into someone rather awful.”

Brie watched Magpie with a worried expression, Honey however seemed unchanged.

Magpie continued, “I’m telling you this because even though I’m trying to move past all of that I still am not perfectly ok. My former mate still gives me a great deal of trouble and my family do not trust me… and some still want nothing to do with me. So when I was offered a chance to get away from my own problems for a short time I took it. However, I made the mistake of not considering the problems you two are dealing with.”

Honey quirked an eyebrow but still did not say anything.

Magpie took another breath. “I know you two are still hurt and I should never have left you even for a few days. That was not fair and when I realized my mistake I came home right away. I have come to care about you both greatly and I chose to make watching out for you two my responsibility, and I’m sorry. I can’t make any guarantees about what will happen in the future but I do want you to know that I do care about you both and you have a home here for as long as you wish.”

Brie was up and hugging Magpie, picking her up from the floor in the process. Honey stood up and smoothed out the wrinkles from her dress. “Okay, how about some tea and cake then?”

Magpie smiled, “yes that sounds lovely.”

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itsjesperfahey · 6 years ago

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The wedding planer AU for Inej and Kaz or camper counseler AU for wesper would be fantastic

i sided for the wesper camp counselour au (ps i might do the kanej wedding planner later, im still coming up with some stuff for it. if i ever post it i’ll tag u!). hope u enjoy! @cornerforward13

(send me an au + a soc ship)

when wylan volunteered his summers to waking up at the ass-crack of dawn to take care of children at a summer camp, he wasn’t expecting to see him

him being jesper fahey, the loudest, most un-caring student at their local high school. dubbed the ‘class clown’ in their first year of high school, jesper was known for his quick mouth and even quicker detention acquisition. while the two had never officially spoken with each other, they had been in plenty of classes together

wylan simply wanted to learn, and jesper simply wanted to rile up the teacher in any way he could. while the class laughed along, wylan would roll his eyes and suppress any hint of amusement.

in fact, he even rolled his eyes when he first spotted jesper at the first camp counselor meeting

his heart rolled too, but no one needed to know

they bumped into each other, quite literally, as they were helping set up the camp’s main building

“shoot, i’m sorry- wylan van eck? what on earth were you doing here?”

“you know my name?” was the only thing wylan managed to squeak out as he bent down to pick up the toy cash register he had been carrying moments before

jesper let out a bark of laughter, and wylan felt his heart leap again. “of course I know your name. what kind of silly question is that? aren’t you supposed to be a genius?”

“aren’t you supposed to be, i don’t know, not working here?”

a signature smirk broke out onto jesper’s face. “in previous summers, perhaps i’d be at home sleeping at this time. but, my advisor suggested i work here this summer to get some volunteer hours. it’d make my future college application ‘stand out’ or whatever. why are you here?”

“i work here every summer. this one’s no different.”

“right. well, we’d better get back to work before we get yelled at. wouldn’t want to get fired on the first day. see you in a bit-”, jesper eyed the cash register in wylan’s hands, “- merchling.” and with that, jesper gave wylan a pat on the shoulder, and left to finish sweep the floors.

the burning of wylan’s cheeks indicated this would be a long long summer

and it was

because every weekday, from 8 to 5pm, wylan would have to see that stupid face and hear that stupid nickname. and oh, jesper just loved to tease. and wylan loved to pretend like the things jesper did had absolutely no effect on him. nope. none whatsoever.

for example, when it was swimming lessons day at the lake, wylan definitely didn’t come close to collapsing when jesper took his shirt off and tossed it wylan’s way, the everpresent smirk on his face gleaming a bit wider that morning

or when they were roasting marshmallows, and wylan was too busy making sure the kids weren’t near the fire to make his own s’more, he surely didn’t almost burst into tears when jesper walked up and handed wylan one he had made for him

also when there was kickball tournament, and it was counselor vs kids, wylan didn’t even come close to exploding when he kicked the winning home run and jesper hoisted him up and spun him around like a damn princess. absolutely not.

or maybe when they took a field trip to the science museum, and jesper picked out a crystal from the gift shop and pretended to get down on one knee and propose, wylan didn’t feel his heart stutter as much as his mouth did. the kids, innocent as ever, cheered and believed they’d actually get married. wylan had to break a few hearts that day, including jesper’s.

and lets not remember the time when it was show and tell, and while the campers brought their favorite seashells they found or their pet frogs, wylan showed off his flute skills and artwork. he didn’t melt to jelly when jesper pulled him aside afterward and whispered “hey, you’re really talented” (he also added “maybe you should draw me sometime, i’m a wonderful model, as you can see”, but wylan ignored that part)

the other counselors noticed, and would try and talk to wylan about it. he’d just shoo kaz, inej, nina and matthias away, denying everything. they’d just smile, shake their heads, and chase after the next kid who was running much too fast with a pair of scissors

the kids noticed eventually, too. “mr.wylan,” they’d say, “why are your cheeks always red?”

“because it’s too hot out here” he’d reply

and jesper would add the usual “oh, i’m sorry! it’s cause i’m here. i’ll go inside”

wylan would shake his head and grumble to himself, and the kids would run off to finish coloring.

one time, a little girl came up to jesper, a drawing in her hand. when jesper took it, it was a drawing of him and wylan, holding hands, a heart in between them.

“now, why’d you draw this?” jesper asked, heart warm.

“well, momma and papa like each other and they do this lots! ms.nina said you and mr.wylan like each other too! do you like him, mr.jes?” the child, hanna, replied

jesper let out a sigh. “perhaps i might. don’t figure he feels the same though, little one. hardly speaks to me, always has that cute nose of his in some music or math sheets. think i might have annoyed him one too many times.”

the child huffed, crossing her arms. “everyone likes you, mr.jes. you just gotta show mr.wylan that he can like you, too”

an idea dawned upon jesper, just then. “you’re a smart little girl, aren’t you? aye, go round up your friends. I’ve got a task for you all.”

the next morning, when the summer was drawing to a close, wylan was the last to arrive to work that day. when he flicked the lights on, he wasn’t expecting all the campers holding up poorly cut-out red paper hearts, all yelling “surprise!”

he wasn’t expecting jesper in the middle of it all, holding a bouquet of roses, while the other counselors filmed with their phones

when little hanna walked up to wylan and handed him her drawing, with jesper’s god-awful handwriting at the top spelling out ‘sorry for being an arse all the time, can i make it up with dinner tonight?’, wylan wasn't expecting to say “yes”. it just sort of slipped out, really. so did the “i never hated you, jesper. maybe some of your jokes and teases, but never you”

and when him and jesper hugged as the campers squealed in delight, he wasn’t expecting jesper to kiss him then and there

but he didn’t mind it. nope. not at all. absolutely not.

#god this was LONG #it WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE I SWEAR #i got way too carried away #i almost stopped and made this a full on oneshot #but i didn't #might come back to this AU and rework it though #no angst bc i wanted this to be fluffy and happy #soc #six of crows #the dregs #wylan #jesper #wesper #leigh bardugo #mine #mine.doc #cornerforward13 #answered

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jinjojess · 6 years ago

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Oh, All-knowing Jess, hear my call and drive away my doubts: how was received in Japan the datamining of the beta of Pokémon Gold? What do you think about it? Are some Pokémon you like or want in actual games? (Personally, my favourite is that creepy Pinsir, for some reasons it reminds me of the Kaonashi from Spirited Away!)

You know, that’s a good question. I’ve seen some fanart and reactions on Twitter, but I didn’t really follow it much, sorry!

To make it up to you, I will now review all of the betas:

Chikorita!

Yay! I think I’ve made it very clear that I am a big fan of this little plant nugget, so I don’t have much to add really.

10/10

AAAGGGGHHH?!

What the fuck is this thing? How does this relate to Chikorita or Meganium, who are both largely unchanged from their beta designs? Where are the eyes? Like I’m diggin’ the tiny smug face-looking thing at the top of the bulb, but what’s the deal with the huge single eye down below? Where did the legs go? Why does the body shape change so drastically in the in-between stage when both the first and third stages are quadrupeds?!

0/10 would not trade Bayleef for it

Meganium

Whew, okay. Back on familiar ground here. Meganium is likely my least favorite of the Johto starters’ final forms, but I still like my big, dumb boy.

8/10

Tepkon

Awww~!

So unpopular opinion, but for a long time I really disliked cyndaquil’s design. I’ve come around to it these days, but back when GS came out, it really put me off. This thing is absolutely adorable, and though the design isn’t super inspired, I still fucking love it.

7/10 wouldn’t trade cyndaquil for it, but would love to see the design reworked for future games

Chubby quilava

This is like quilava’s cousin who grows up to discover that he’s actually more of a bear than a twink. Really like it–seems very cuddly.

7/10 like quilava better but I support this thicc boi

Kirara

Seriously, this is basically just Kirara from Inuyasha. Not as crazy about this design as its pre-evos, especially since it seems like it’s trying to edge in on arcanine’s floof territory. An okay pokemon, but not a fave.

6/10 would not trade typhlosion for it

Baby Nessie

Totodile was one of those pokemon that I had been low-key hoping for, but I gotta admit that this is one adorable little fucker. Look at its stubby limbs! Its cute snoot! Its pudgy tail!

6/10 would not trade totodile but would love to see in another game

Let me clear my thoat (I hope ya don’t mind)

I am…less enthused about the middle evo. The eyes are cute and the little shy smile is to die for, but the…ballast? on its throat kind of looks like a giant boil and I’m not really here for that.

4/10 no thanks I’ll keep croconaw

Dragonair but with legs

The final evo I like a bit more–it looks like a dragonair that struck up a deal with Ursula the sea witch so that it could pursue its land-dwelling love. Now that the gem isn’t jammed right up under the chin it’s less off-putting, and the kind of fang-looking necklace is a Good Look.

6/10 still prefer feraligatr but GameFreak please dust off this design

Hoot-Hoot’s just really into henna right now

I’ve never been a huge fan of hoot-hoot, and I kind of like the extra markings. I assume they were taken off to make the design less busy as well as giving it a fanned tail, but I think I’d actually prefer this one.

5/10 would replace regular hoot-hoot with this one

It is the night

Okay, here we go! Now this is a cool-looking pokemon that would make training up a damn hoot-hoot worth it. Noctowl is a decent pokemon in the game since it means you get access to psychic moves early in the game, but I’ve always thought the design looked too goofy. I like irl owls a lot and this design really speaks to me.

8/10 go back in time and give teenage me this bird instead

Mareep

There’s not a ton to say here other than they lightened up mareep’s fleshy bits in the final release, and I like mareep quite a bit so there we go. Instead, I want to draw attention to this disaster of a backsprite. What am I even looking at? A giant ball of cotton candy that rolled through a bunch of broken candy canes?

9/10 I mean I like mareep, but I gotta take off a point for that awful backsprite

Flaaffy

Flaaffs seems largely unchanged. I’m pretty partial to this boi as well, especially since I had one following me for a bit in my Japanese Soul Silver game.

8/10 I like flaaffy, but fuck that name spelling

Ampharos

One of my fave Gen 2 pokemon! Doesn’t seem to have much different about it, though I did always question where the delightful floof went. I mean we get it back in the mega evolution but still. What was that about, GameFreak?

9/10 docked a point for lack of floof

Mikon

So this is clearly a pre-evo idea for vulpix, and it’s pretty damn cute. I love that with the addition of this member to the family, it’s confirmed that the line increases its number of tails by 3 every time it evolves. I like this, but I’m not entirely sold on it. The face lacks some detail and I feel like the design isn’t different enough from vulpix to really feel necessary.

7/10 it’s cute but I don’t think vulpix needs a pre-evo

Mahou Shoujo Green

This tangela pre-evo is pretty cute, though the body underneath kind of reminds me a bit too much of oddish. I mean maybe it’d be cool to look at the oddish line and the tangela line and see how two related species had off-shoots, but I am not really the biggest fan of baby pokemon as an institution so these will all be a hard sell for me, sorry.

6/10 again, cute but unecessary

Tangrowth as imagined by CalArts

I loved tangela a lot back in the day, and tangrowth is a really interesting pokemon as well…however this one has a little bow and ringlet hair so like, no contest, really.

9/10 this should be an alternate evo option for tangela (perhaps for females?)

i could be your angle or yuor devil

So this one is kinda cool in concept. It’s clearly drawing influence from Japanese kites, and the scary face might be an evolutionary feature designed to scare off predators…that or it’s a flying/ghost or flying/dark type and the angel imagery is the ruse. Either way I fucking love this thing.

10/10 I want this concept revisited

Qwilfish

I like qwilfish a lot! It’s got cool typing, it can perform decently on a rain team, and it’s based on a pufferfish. It’s definitely an underdog in the wider world, but not in my heart.

10/10

The Fish Who Lived

I have…reservations about this evolution though. As cool as it would be to have a qwilfish evolution, this just isn’t doing it for me. It’s kinda cool that it’s shaped like a naval mine, and the Harry Potter scar is pretty cute, but I can get over the dead-eyed stare.

4/10 yeah no I think I’m happy to wait for better evo ideas to come along

Pichu

Pichu’s cute enough I guess but I’ve never liked it as much as pikachu and sure as hell not as much as my boy raichu. However if the baby version was this roly poly cutie, I think I’d be more into it. This style of pre-evo harkens back to the good ol’ days of fat pikachu, and therefore I must doff my cap to it.

8/10 with a bit of polishing I would take this over pichu for sure

Cleffa

Okay, so of the baby pokemon, of which I am generally not fond, cleffa is by far my favorite because of how cute it is. This is also extremely cute. I like picturing the trainer being able to just grab the thing by the little knob on its head if it’s heading toward danger. Plus that tail nub is so cute! I don’t know that I could choose between this version and the actual cleffa.

9/10 would be a 10 but Nate once said “what if cleffa’s hands were its nipples?” and now I can’t unsee it

Igglybuff

Iggly has always reminded me of the Powerpuff Girls, but this beta version is so…delightfully round. God, it’s like hypnotizing how round it is. You wouldn’t have to show this from above to trick someone in a silhouette quiz. The tiny, wide-set eyes are also both piercing and kind of unassuming, which I can’t decide is cute or terrifying.

8/10 think I’d swap this guy in for the existing igglybuff

Quagsire!

I freaking LOVE quagsire. It’s so derpy, I love water/ground types, and just everything about it is cute and makes me want to hug it. The only problem with it in this beta is that there’s no wooper.

10/10 bring wooper with you bro

Natu

I’ve always thought natu was cute and really neat in concept, but I’ve never actually sat down and trained one. This sprite isn’t too different from its final one, but it is missing the color scheme, which is one of the reasons I like it.

6/10 stop being so washed out!

Xatu

Also largely unchanged from its final design, though I do prefer the Silver sprite where its wings are spread. (And I’m sorry about this, but some of the pictures will have bits of other sprites in them, since it was hard cutting these all down in Paint with a trackpad.)

7/10 very unique

Prince(ss) of the sea

Is this a pre-evo of goldeen and seaking, and I can see why it was cut. Who thought either of those would be popular enough to warrant a baby form?

2/10 fuck yeah was a meme guys, it wasn’t sincere

Marill

Marill’s okay. I think it’s fairly cute, and the design they went with using smaller ears and non-clown feet is better imo. Plus this is really minor but it’s bothering me that despite the codename “pikablu” this sprite is pink.

6/10 solid cute pokemon, but the final design is better

Finding Flounder

So I’m a big fan of lanturn because of its digimon-esque eyes and its cool typing. Chinchou I’m…eh on. This cutie though, I could get used to this.

8/10 cute eyes are better than terrifying cross eyes I’m sorry

Clanker’s Cavern

As I just said, I like lanturn a lot. However, this is a shark with an anchor attached. That’s like if you left dhelmise and sharpedo at the day care on the same day an enemy team spilled plutonium all over the yard. It’s so stupid! I love this thing so damn much.

8/10 it’s way too similar to other existing pokemon, but I still kind of want it anyway

Homsar

This thing kind of scares me. The gaping mouth, the wide eyes, and the fact that it clearly would inhabit deep parts of the ocean all make me want to nope out. That said though, I respect it.

6/10 glad they came back to this idea with elektross

Crobat

If you’ve ever battled me in one of our local or online tournaments, you will know that I have a soft spot for crobat. I think golbat’s design is kind of terrible, zubat is simplistic yet kinda cute, and crobat gets to be both cute/cool and also not suck completely in battle (see what I did there?). This design seems mostly unchanged.

8/10 a very good bro

Most likely to drive an airbrushed van

This paras pre-evo looks like it’s inspired by a lovely whimsical creature from Wonderland or Fantasia. I kind of like having a pre-evo to show that at the start the sinister mushrooms allow the baby para to call the shots, biding its time until takes over the entire nervous system as a parasect. Really not feeling the face, though.

5/10 cute, interesting idea, but I don’t know if I want to add more baby pokemon to the mix

Spinarak

I have some mild arachnophobia, but I actually rather like spinarak since it’s so adorable. This version is a little more true to life and not as adorable. Also wtf GameFreak stop giving your arachnids six legs!

5/10 very much prefer the final design but kinda reminds me of the little jumpy bois I catch and release from inside my apartment sometimes

Ariados

Again with the six legs thing. Ugh. Anyway, this beta version of ariados is actually much cuter than the one we ended up getting in the final game. I’m pretty lukewarm on ariados in general (my spider boi of choice is the far superior galvantula), but look at this thing’s face! Look at the face on its body! It’s cute even when it’s trying to be scary!

6/10 why did we not get this adorable boi?!

Skarmory

It’s skarmory. That’s it. A pokemon that I like in theory but have never been super into his design.

5/10 respectably cool but not my cup of tea

Alphonse Elric’s head in chibi form, screaming as his body melts

Here it is. My favorite of all of the beta sprites. This thing is so fucking wonderful in part because I have literally no idea what the hell it’s supposed to be. What is this?! What type is it supposed to be? What is it based on? Is it a pre-evo of an existing mon? Why is its mouth parted in an eternal screech? These questions do not necessarily have answers, and I am a sucker for mystery.

10/10 GameFreak please bring this idea to life just so that I can get closure

Mine! Mine!

So I see what they were going for. It’s a baby form of doduo, with three baby bird heads and a big puff of feathers to make it look like a brood peeking out of a nest. I respect the idea, I do. Too bad it also conjures up images in my head of rat kings and other fused abominations.

5/10 a good idea that didn’t pan out so well

[Obligatory Undertale Reference]

Sunflora would actually probably be more intimidating if it had an evolution rather than a pre-evo, though. I’m no big fan of sunflora, but I gotta say that this sprite is way better than the one we ended up getting.

6/10 replace existing sunflora with this bullet seed-spewing former skiddo

The Littlest Babaar

I’ve never really been into elephants as a species. Like they’re cool, but they’re pretty middle of the pack for me in terms of my animal preferences. As a result, I always found donphan kind of disappointing. However, I do like phanpy quite a bit, if only for the fact that it’s goddamn adorable. This sprite is a bit plain, but does bring the cuteness.

6/10 prefer the final design but this one ain’t bad at all

Donphan

The Don hasn’t changed much at all as far as I can tell. I’ve never trained one in Gen 2, so is its backsprite really just its trunk? If so, hilarious.

5/10 congrats! you exist!

That’s the statement of the grave mint, Doublemint

I can’t decide if this was intended to be a pre-evo for ghastly or if it’s supposed to be a new ghost type (perhaps later replaced by misdreavus?). Either way it’s an interesting concept, and I can imagine the pokedex entry now: “Born from the souls of fetuses who were eaten in-utero by their siblings. Since they feel they were destined to be twins, they find each other shortly after death and fuse together so that they’ll never be alone again.”

7/10 not the most original design but damn we had a shortage of ghost types back in the day

Girafarig

Girafarig is one of those pokemon that I always wanted to be more competitively viable because I think it has a unique design and could fill a cool niche. I like that the final design has the tail as an evolutionary measure and that there’s a smaller brain in it, just like some real life creatures. That said, we really missed out on getting a face full of evil uniraffe in the backsprite. Man, this is a real tough choice.

7/10 let’s keep girafarig as is and try out this concept on a different mon

Smeargle

This version of him seems a bit more…simian than his final, kinda canine design. Not sure if I dig it. Also, have you noticed that Gen 2 felt obligated to have a ditto/mew type mon that could mimic all the other mons? I feel like this concept gets revisited every so often and GameFreak thinks we’re none the wiser.

5/10 flesh beret just isn’t okay

Coin Kitty

So I know I said I’m against baby pokemon on principle, but the fact that this thing never saw the light of day upsets me so much. It’s so. fucking. CUTE.

10/10 go back in time and replace skitty with this

Betty Boop’s best friend

I get the feeling that this dark type cat got recycled into the purrloin line, but this one is way cooler imo. It references the old adage of “belling the cat” and I think that this pokemon line could have had some really cool sound-based signature moves (sorta similar to the whismur or jangmo-o lines).

9/10 not feeling the bipedal thing, but still a really neat concept I’d like to see

Luna

Again, I love the idea of a pokemon based on a fable. I can see why this particular design didn’t get used, given how simple it is and how closely it resembles umbreon if you just glance at it, but I’d love to see this revisited.

7/10 spruce up the design a bit and get back to me

Politoed’s wild ride

So when I first met politoed I felt he was a bit too…cutesy? Like the rosy cheeks were a bit much. This guy feels a bit more like he belongs in the poliwag line, though he doesn’t look like he’d be as bouncy.

6/10 might replace existing politoed design, might not

Slowking

Though I prefer slowbro as my yadon evo of choice, slowking is pretty awesome in his own right. Not a big fan of the clown ruffle, but honestly it’s kind of a minor setback all things considered.

7/10 remember how he could randomly talk in the 2nd pokemon movie? That was fucked up.

Unknown

All of these cool, unsued beta designs, and this one gets to stay in?

1/10 don’t talk to me right now, GameFreak

Ledyba

It’s ledyba. One of the bug types I’m actually not really all that into. Pretty sure this is the sprite actually used in Gold.

4/10 fine just not for me

I see you

Ledian’s deal as a superhero is kinda cool, even if I don’t particularly care for the actual design. And I gotta say, it’s preferable to the ever-watching eyes of this thing. Those stars aren’t natural; they’re tattoos for each trainer its killed.

3/10 I feel like I need to go lie down

My Little Shetland Pony

Clearly this is intended to be a ponyta baby form, and while I commend the idea of a foal version (or maybe a Shetland or something?), you may notice that there is very, very little to set this pre-evo apart from ponyta. Like it and and rapidash aren’t exactly the most daring design-wise, so stripping it to the essentials doesn’t really work.

5/10 this is cute as all hell but it has no reason to exist

Espeon

Though I get shit all the time for liking espeon the least out of all the eeveelutions, I do still think the design is neat, and the fact that it draws from the nekomata myth is fascinating. Backsprite is a bit janky in the hips department–yet another unrealistic beauty standard, amirite ladies?

7/10 I personally don’t think there are any bad eeveelutions

Umbreon!

My absolute favorite Gen 2 pokemon! Not many changes between this and the final design, though I will say that this one looks a lot more terrifying–the hole eyes are worse than the red ones somehow. Still, love.

10/10 listen this is my personal rating

Alolan Shellder

This one is so fascinating to me. It’s obviously the chompy boi from slowbro and slowking, which in the pokedex is referred to as a shellder, but perhaps this is a unique evolution that only happens when it disconnects from the slowpoke? I am really upset this wasn’t actually used in the game, because getting to have this thing on the same team as slowpoke, slowbro, and slowking would have been like when Banjo-Tooie introduced the mechanic that let Banjo and Kazooie split up.

10/10 give me, dammit!

Garbage Pail Kid

Again with the baby form for a line that already is known for extremely simple designs. Grimer and muk are literally just piles of slime of differing sizes. (Shut up, Alolan forms weren’t a thing til later.) So basically this baby form is fucking adorable, and I’m loving the thing that could be a nose but I’m choosing to interpret as a mouth with a single tooth. It’s just that…who needs this?

7/10 cute, but not necessary by any stretch of imagination

Are ya feelin’ lucky, punk?

Okay, so this beta is a) way cooler than remoraid ended up being, and b) makes the evolution line make SO MUCH more sense. I can definitely see why it was changed, especially since censor-happy America was a legit market by that point. And I guess the revolver barrel part of the design still persisted in Gen 2, but still.

5/10 booo censorship!

TANK!

Octillary’s name also makes way more sense with the original tank design. I mean I can kinda see why this changed, but like…Digimon was over there with a creature in the anime just literally called Tankmon who shoots shells at elementary schoolers so I don’t fucking know.

7/10 I like octillary as is, but this is a much more interesting design

WWE fan

Okay so real talk, I am not the biggest fan of tyrogue’s design, but what was even going on here? What’s with the frog hat? Is it a safety helmet? The general hitmonlee body shape combined with the baby boxing gloves for hitmonchan was pretty cool, but this is not something I’d look at and think “Yes, this will grow up to be a humonoid fighting type.”

5/10 it’s…cute? I guess I just don’t see what’s going on here really

shaga;lsdkfhahdgajspd[f

NO. JUST NO. THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING HERE, TOO MANY LIMBS, TOO MANY EYES, JUST NO. HITMONTOP ENDED UP BEING SILLY BUT AT LEAST IT WASN’T THIS MANGLED BODY HORROR NONSENSE.

0/10 for reminding me of claydol and my own mortality

Pupper

This is going to come as a surprise, but I’m glad they didn’t introduce a baby form of growlithe. The growlithe and arcanine line includes 2 of my top 3 pokemon ever and as cute as this is I don’t think it would fit aesthetically. It looks like a spaniel that doesn’t match the shisa vibe of the growlithe line. That said, I would love to see it as a first form for a different line of perhaps…ground type doggos?

9/10 please give us some floppy ear dog designs, GameFreak! new doggos!

Like, nya

I do think the hoppip line (except for the last evo) is pretty cute, and this one reminds me a bit of an in-training digimon so I’m liking it. That said, I think the designs we got were better.

6/10 cute but like existing hoppip

Gardnyar

Again, prefer Skiploom.

5/10 not a fan of the flower for some reason

Nyancat theme plays in the distance

So I like this better than jumpluff personally, even if the other is probably a more unique design.

5/10 jumpluff’s limbs bother me, but lbr I was never going to train one anyway

New this Easter

Mr. Mime, I think we can all agree, is an unsettling design. That’s its whole appeal, really. Mime Jr. is cute enough I guess, but this is a tiny clown egg that looks like it’s learning to ice skate for the first time!

6/10 get your derpy clown nose out of here, Mime Jr.

Agatha’s apprentice

Smoochum is…well, she is. She’s kinda cute, and I think I prefer the finished design to this one since it looks way too similar to grown up jynx. Plus it raises some uncomfortable questions about it being born with ganguro make-up and hair (in a style that looks like E4 Agatha’s for some reason). This smoochum looks like it’d be taken out to sit alone at the bar in the club while wearing booty shorts that read “Mama’s Lil’ Bitch” across the back.

4/10 this makes me uncomfortable, and the hair is too close to Agatha’s

Which way to the Chao Garden?

Elekid is one of few baby pokemon I like, but hot damn this thing is adorable. It looks like a tiny, wingless bee with a halo.

7/10 can this be recycled as something else?

Bart Simpson

Really what keeps me from fully embracing the magmar line is largely the fact that they all have butts on their heads. These spikes are way more appealing to me, and so I would have loved having this one in the game.

8/10 is it still too late to redesign magby?

Bellossom

Not too many changes from the beta. I am digging the shoujo sparkles going on around her, haha.

6/10 not a big bellossom fan but a well-design pokemon nonetheless

Audrey III

Nope, I don’t like this, no sir. Where would this even go in the evo line? Is it supposed to be an alternative to victreebel? Cause this isn’t much better, guys.

1/10 I will give it one point since it looks like it could cut a rug on the dance floor

Miltank

A good, solid pokemon I’m pretty fond of (once I got over my salt from the Whitney battle). I like her as a female counterpart to tauros. Nothing too astounding but still fun and cute.

8/10

Fire Seal

I feel like there’s folklore here, but my tired brain isn’t coming up with anything at the moment, sadly. Not a really detailed design but those tend to be more my favorites anyway. Trying to figure out what this was replaced by in the final game but I’m having a tough time figuring it out.

7/10 we have a lot of seals, but this is the only FIRE seal

Delibird

I see we chose the path with more subtlety in the end.

4/10 not really a big fan of delibird

Hanshin Hopeful

Okay, I know I said earlier that the screaming pile of goo was my favorite, but this line is also my favorite out of these beta designs. This one upsets me because this would have been such a great cultural addition! Osaka (represented by Goldinrod City in the games) has a baseball team called the Hanshin Tigers, which everyone in the area is a fervent fan of. Not only is this unbearably cute, it could have been hanging out in like a little baseball stadium area or something in or around Goldinrod.

10/10 how could you leave this out?!

Nandeyanen!!

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Why did I not get this?! The Akihabara of Osaka is even called “DenDen Town” (Electric Town)!

10/10 we’ve missed our chance and now amends cannot be made

Talk to the wing

Is this supposed to be a farfetch’d evolution?! It doesn’t make a ton of sense aside from the waterfowl connection, but like…how pissed would you be if you were farfetch’d? This is kinda cool. I’m not super into swans or anything, but the masquerade/crime fighter mask is a neat detail.

5/10 I could see this being used interestingly, even if I’d probably not use it

Hitori Kakurenbou

I love this concept. Look at this! I know it was basically recycled for shuppet’s line, but this is so much more hardcore. Now this is a pokemon that can use curse appropriately.

10/10 personally like this one better than shuppet, if I’m being honest

Hsien-ko

This is the most Chinese pokemon since arcanine, oh my god. It’s a panda jiangshi. A panda jiangshi! Imagine it hopping after you adorably, ready to leech life you to death.

9/10 it’s not as cute as the pre-evolution, but still–panda jiangshi!!!

Murkrow

Not a lot of changes going on here either, aside from the more obvious witch’s hat design. Unsure if I like this one better or regular murkrow.

7/10 good flappy friend

*uncomfortable cough*

Blissey’s design is a bit too busy and frilly for my tastes, but it’s certainly a lot more acceptable than this. I get what they were going for: a heart on top of its head to represent healing and whatnot, but it just came out so…so yonic in nature that I have to wonder about the person responsible for this design.

1/10 not entirely awful but good lord

Scisor

Here’s the boi, only this time with eyes on his little crab claws! It’s cute but later got used for hydregion instead, and I dunno, I kind of prefer scisor as is. Still think scyther looks cooler, but a good strudy boi.

6/10 for the puppet shows it could give to entertain all the baby forms on this sprite sheet

Pinsir Noh Pinching

Here’s your fave, anon! You’re right that it seems to have a blank Noh-like mask on its face, as if a huge pinching bug wasn’t terrifying enough for you. That said, I kind of like the really creepy vibe, and poor pinsir got left in the dirt by his rival scyther once Gen 2 hit and gave scyther an evolution but nothing for his clampy comrade.

6/10 we could still get a pinsir evolution, guys

Houndour!

As you might expect of me, the houndour line is a close second to umbreon for Jess’s Favorite Gen 2 Pokemon. It combines two types I love, fire and dark, into this edgy but adorable package–what could I not love about it? This design is actually even better than the final one, because look at that sick-ass spine highlighting the ribs that got left in!

10/10 you cannot half ass edge; that misses the point

Houndoom!

Houndoom, meanwhile, looks pretty much as I remember him in Gold. And there’s nothing wrong with that–his design is fucking amazing. Man, kids, back in the metagame in Gen 2, houndoom was firmly in the top tier. Ah, I remember those days…

10/10 like a shark, houndoom has passed through decades without major tinkering to its evolutionary design

Baby yeti

Long before froslass burst onto the scene, this little bundle of deceptively charming horror could have been the first ice/ghost type. Yes, yes, it’s very adorable upon initial inspection, but once you look a bit deeper, you notice that the pokemon itself is actually black as night, with two piercing Jawa eyes, and the happy fur coat is another creature that’s been skinned and put on like a hoodie. Amazing.

10/10 I’ll take four

Wampa

I started on Star Wars references in the last entry and I gotta keep it going. Anyway, the evolution of tiny, arctic Buffalo Bill up there is even more fearsome, with claws and pupils! It’s even somehow found a way to make its fur covering evolve with it, having it sprout huge fangs (yeah I know, adults probably hunt larger creatures for clothing, but let me have this).

10/10 this so should have been a thing

Pon de Lion

I wonder if perhaps this design was meant to be an alternate form or evolution of porygon, or if this was an entirely different species based on toys (presumably to pad out the number of steel types). It’s an interesting idea, certainly, but I 100% get why this design got scrapped–it was a lawsuit from Mr. Donut waiting to happen.

Ugh

Did you know that horses produce 10 gallons of saliva a day? I now do thanks to Nate quizzing us over vacation last weekend to see if we could tell the difference between real animals and pokemon based on factoids. Now, lickilicky was not a new evolution I embraced with open arms, but man, it could have been so much worse.

2/10 I can’t say there’s no appeal (that mustache is great) but it just looks slimy and no thanks

Steelix

It’s steelix, unchanged from this beta to the final game.

7/10 I just think it’s neat

Sunken Master

I would like kingdra so, so much more if this is what it looked like.

9/10 this is goddamn cool and no one can convince me otherwise

Shadow the Edgedog

I’m not gonna lie, I fucking love this stupid design. It’s an electric dog with super sayain hair.

10/10 fuck you, I do what I want

Oscar Myer

Do I find this design cute? Yes. Do I personally like it more than entei’s? Yes. Do I think it’s a better design than entei? No. It’s a bit too plain to really give off that legendary feel, but for me? I’d totally take this in a game. Also at least the last two have actually looked like dogs. The Legendary “Dogs” we got were a tiger, a lion/bear hybrid, and whatever the hell suicune is supposed to be.

8/10 I am a simple woman with simple needs

Jen Kira

I see people likening this design to Nina Tucker, but I actually don’t see that. It looks more to me like a special edition My Little Pony toy from the 80s released to promote The Dark Crystal. I dig it, even if it’s my least favorite of the three OG doggos.

8/10 if only some of the pizzazz of this design was afforded to fiery boi up there and we’d be onto something

Rook

This weasel/otter type thing is really cute, and perhaps was a concept idea for what later became sentret? I’d say I would want to see it again, but I kind of get the feeling we already did get the concept revived in the mienfoo line.

6/10 glad we got to see this one again

Ho-oh

Doesn’t seem too different from the sprite in the final game, and still a good design. That said though, I’m noticing that there’s no lugia in these beta sprites. What the fuck is that?!

7/10 got bros over this ho(-oh)

Togepi

This little bugger was introduced so early in the anime that I’m not surprised that its design was firmed up by the time the demo came out. Togepi’s okay I guess, but again I don’t really tend to like baby pokemon and I got kind of over-exposed to it in the anime.

6/10 cute but not a fave

Snubble

SNUB PARTY!! Snubs has the dubious honor of being the only dog pokemon I actively dislike. I like granbull so I can put up with it temporarily to get it to evolve, but this does a lot of things on my Dislike Checklist: aggressively pink, check; clown ruffle, check; appears to be wearing a dress, check.

4/10 not a fan

Boscoe

This early version of aipom looks like Marsupilami if it had been created by the Fleischer brothers. Something about this design just isn’t Right, but I can’t put my finger on it. I think it’s the 1930s American animation style face combined with walking on all fours? Either way it creeps me out.

3/10 though aipom is a very middle-of-the-road pokemon for me, it’s a helluva lot better than this abomination

Leafeon Prime

If you had asked us kid pokemon fans back in the days of Gen I what pokemon we’d most like to see in the future, I imagine “grass type eeveelution” was near the top for many of them. It just made sense–you had the leaf stone just sitting around, not reacting to your eevee, and it was so blatantly conspicuous. I had my own grass type eeveelution design I’d made called “Thorneon”, the design of which I might share at some point, and I was far from the only one.

So yeah, I’d have appreciated this a LOT in Gen 2. I was disappointed it wasn’t introduced in Gen 2. However, promises of a grass type eeveelution in Gen 4 got me to finally pull the trigger on getting a DS to play Diamond and Pearl, and that turned out to be an execellent decision. So maybe it was better that they kept this idea incubating for a bit longer.

10/10 I like leafeon and I also like this design–particularly like the vine bits that look like scars

And so there you have it! All 100 beta sprites reveiwed by yours truly.

Hope it was worth the wait, anon!

#ask #anon #pokemon #gs beta #long post #opinions

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 8 years ago

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Michael After Midnight: Roger Moore’s Bond Films

Yeah, I know my next review was supposed to be John Carpenter’s The Thing; I will get to that eventually. But life happens. Things get in the way. And today, something truly tragic happened: Roger Moore died. Roger Moore, for those not in the know, portrayed James Bond from 1973 to 1985, the longest run an actor ever played 007. He introduced the campy, silly, more lightehearted and comedic style the series became known for for years, and… well, he did meet a lot of derision for some of his movies.

But I’m not here to deride, or even really do standard reviews. I’m going to look at his tenure as Bond as a whole, briefly touching on each of his movies and saying what does and doesn’t work about them. Let me make it clear, though; I like most of his Bond films. They are campy, silly, and sometimes outright stupid, but Roger Moore’s charm and skill really carry even the most ludicrous of plots.

Speaking of ludicrous plots… first up we have his debut as everyone except Alan Moore’s favorite secret agent. This film is Live and Let Die, a film most well known for having easily one of the best, most kickass Bond themes ever made, courtesy of Sir Paul McCartney. The ludicrous bit is that this is a film with voodoo, and it is implied to be real, complete with what may very well be the real Baron Samedi showing up (Samedi does easily steal the show, though, and is one of the best characters in the movie). This one is a bit silly and over-the-top, and perhaps not the best foot forward, but it is not uninteresting, and has a very solid plot under the blaxploitation and cheesy gadgets. It helps that the film has some great henchman, such as the aforementioned Samedi and the hook-handed Tee Hee. Of course, this film also marks the appearance of J. W. Pepper, one of the worst characters ever created. He’s an obnoxious redneck cop who adds absolutely nothing to the story but stupidity. Still, this is a decent enough film, though perhaps not the best foot forward for Moore. It’s an enjoyable, campy Bond blaxploitation film, but not exactly a great way to kick off a tenure as Bond.

Next up is The Man With the Golden Gun, widely regarded as one of the campiest films in the series. And it is! There’s a fucking slidewhistle during a chase scene for fuck’s sake! And god is there a lot of campy moments, such as Christopher Lee’s fabulous flying machine and the horribly corny theme song. But underneath all the cheese, the movie is actually very well-paced despite a few instances of padding, features a strong performance from Moore, and an even stronger performance from Lee (Scaramanga is easily one of the best villains in the series, and even comes with a cool midget sidekick), as well as a rather well-done themes about duality. It’s definitely stronger than most people gave it credit for… but really, there’s absolutely no denying the sheer levels of campiness this film exudes. It’s a good film, but you really need to appreciate cheese to fully enjoy it.

Then came the big one: The Spy Who Loved Me. This film is easily one of the greatest Bond films ever made, no joke. No one expected this film to do well after the last two; no one could have foreseen what was to come. But this film pulled all the stops and delivered one of the coolest Bond experiences you’ll ever have. From the opening high-altitude ski jump off a cliff to the Lotus Esprit driving off a pier and becoming a submarine, this film has all the cool Bond moments and cars you’d expect. The theme song, Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better,” is easily THE best Bond film, or at least tied with “You Know My Name” from Casino Royale. And then we have the biggest draw of them all, literally: Jaws. Standing at 7’4” and armed with a mouth full of iron, razor sharp teeth, Jaws set the standard for badass henchmen, and stands alongside Oddjob as one of the greatest in the series. The guy is basically the Terminator; he’s a truly implacable man who, now matter how Bond hits him, will always come back. He even survives at the end, much to the joy of the audience! This film is awesome, and stands alongside Casino Royale, Goldfinger, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Skyfall, GoldenEye, and The Living Daylights as one of Bond’s greatest outings. It’s truly a masterpiece of spy fiction, and Moore would not exactly ever top this film, though do not take that as his later films being bad. It’s just really hard to live up to something this amazing.

Next up is the one, the only, the inimitable… Moonraker. This movie was absolutely blatant at trying to cash in on the Star Wars sci-fi craze of the late 70s, and brings back Jaws as the only returning henchman in the series… though his role is basically turned into a slapstick Wile E. Coyote-esque character instead of the dangerous killer he was in the last film. At least he gets a girlfriend in this one. This movie is one you’ll either love or hate, unsurprising due to the ridiculously campy nature. On the plus side, we have Hugo Drax, an incredibly cunning bastard who wants to cleanse the Earth so only his chosen few can survive and reap the benefits. On the minus side, you have ridiculously campy bullshit like the final laser fight in space and Jaws’ comedic role. Again, this one boils down to how much cheesiness you can handle; as I can handle a lot, this film doesn’t rank as one of my favorites, but it’s definitely entertaining, amusing, and has a great villain. It’s an enjoyable film despite its many, many faults, if you’re in the right mindset.

Next up we have For Your Eyes Only, which, I’m gonna be honest, I found to be unbearably dull. This film is Moore’s darkest outing, and this is because this movie was originally meant to be Timothy Dalton’s first go, and Dalton’s Bond films were DARK. Sadly, this does nothing in the film’s favor; Roger Moore was best at juggling seriousness and camp, but this is just so serious as to be tedious. It’s easily the least memorable Bond film (though definitely not the worst; Quantum of Solace, Die Another Day, and Diamonds Are Forever still exist), but it does have one truly awful moment right at the very start. It’s something of a continuation to the hanging plot thread of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which Diamonds Are Forever did little to continue, and has Bond getting revenge on who can only be assumed to be Blofeld… the problem is, this Blofeld is nothing but a pathetic, cowardly, miserable cackling oaf who is killed in the opening and gives no satisfying resolution. It’s absolutely disgraceful to one of Bond’s most notable foes, and to one of his best films. So yeah, even from the opening I disliked this one. It started off on the wrong foot and it never really righted itself. This one is a misstep in Moore’s Bond library in my eyes, a rare true disappointment with little value.

Then we have Octopussy, which lives on in infamy as the one where Bond dresses up as a clown to defuse a bomb at a circus. And for the life of me… why do people latch onto that scene as some horrible moment? It’s actually really good and intense, with Bond desperately pleading for help to defuse a nuke and no one taking him seriously. It’s a really great scene, and I think the scene is used to unfairly judge the movie more often than not. So the rest of it must be good, right? Ehhh… it’s okay. This is a rather typical outing for Bond, and aside from the clown moment, there’s nothing really super memorable about it. You’d think that with a title like Octopussy and the film’s ability to sell Bond dressed as a clown as intense would help it, but no, the film is largely forgettable. It’s definitely not as bad as some would say, but there are few things to recommend about it aside from the clown scene and some truly great acting from Moore; to be totally fair, he easily carries this movie and keeps you watching, but it’s just kind of meh when it boils down to it.

Finally, we have A View to a Kill, and dear fucking lord is this one a treat! You know you’re in for a ride when the movie features a cheesy, totally 80s neon-colored opening sequence set to a kickass Duran Duran song, and it only gets better from there. Easily the best thing about this film is Christopher Walken as the villainous madman Zorin, and his awesomeness is followed closely by the tough, muscular, and sexy badass henchwoman May Day, played by Grace Jones. These two absolutely steal the show from Moore and the rest of the cast, being monumentally entertaining and awesome; May Day even gets to appear on the posters instead of the actual Bond girl! Of course, their coolness is really the biggest thing standing against the sheer stupid of the movie. You have Moore making out with both Grace Jones and Tanya Roberts, the latter of which he discovered he was older than the mother of (he hung up the tux for good because of how uncomfortable he was with these things), you have an utterly ridiculous and stupid plot, you have an annoying, shrieking woman, and… Jesus, this movie is a mess. But lord is it a fun mess! This is one of the best so bad it’s good Bond films, and an absolute delight to watch for the sheer evil hamminess of Christopher Walken. Interesting note; David Bowie turned down the role of Zorin. He thought the script was pretty bad, and so decided to do another movie, an obscure little film called Labyrinth. I think he made the right call with that one.

And so there you have it, Roger Moore’s tenure as Bond. What do I think of it? Overall, it’s just an absolute blast. Even when the films are ‘bad’ they’re at least enjoyable, and nearly all of them have strong villains and awesome theme songs. The Spy Who Loved Me easily stands out as one of the single greatest Bond films, and “Nobody Does It Better,” “A View to a Kill,” and “Live and Let Die” are all fantastic theme tunes. I will now and forever find Moore’s tenure as Bond criminally underrated and deserving of reassessment by fans. A lot of them are already on their way, but I think Moore deserves a little more respect for making Bond fun. He certainly doesn’t deserve the mockery and hatred he ilicits from some circles.

Roger Moore… There was nobody quite like him. He was charming, goofy, and just plain fun, and helped to give a unique and silly spin on spy films. Sure, not all of his Bond movies are amazing, and some of them are pretty dumb, but overall, he was truly enjoyable. Maybe somebody did it better, but nobody did it quite the way he did… rest in peace, 007. You did your job well, and you brought me a hell of a lot of joy. Thank you Roger Moore.

#Michael After Midnight #Review #Movie review #tribute #Roger Moore #James Bond #RIP

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