aiceofspades

[aiceofspades]

I love using "by the way" as a segue into topics that are completely unrelated to the matters at hand. it isn't remotely by the way, quite a ways out of the way in fact. a little adventure

[aiceofspades]

Chat should I finally listen to Scaled and Icy?

[aiceofspades]

Peter: I just don't want to hurt their feelings.

Wade: Hurt their feel—you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings?

Peter: Yeah. Don't you?

Wade: No! How do you get anything done?

Peter: It's hard!

[aiceofspades]

nighttime was invented so you could unlock special emotions that make you feel better and worse at the same time

[aiceofspades]

josh dun bring back the alien mask i’m begging

[aiceofspades]

"What radicalized you?"

Nothing.

I've just always held that fascism is bad and that all people deserve basic respect and human rights, along with food, healthcare, housing, and civil liberties.

And somewhere along the line, that became a radical opinion.

[aiceofspades]

I have a joke about math but im 2² to say it

[aiceofspades]

Oldies station getting removed from the setlist is blasphemy and I blame ALL YOU BITCHES WHO HATED ON IT !!!!

[aiceofspades]

u used to be able to put a dvd in your computer. and then u could watch it

[aiceofspades]

(𝒊 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉 𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒅)

here's my chance

(𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊'𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒐𝒘)

time to take it (𝒊'𝒎 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒏)

can't be sure that i'll make it

(𝒊'𝒎 𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒐)

even though i'm past the point of no return

[aiceofspades]

thinking about rereading the forest fic just for the shits and giggles it’s been 7 years since i’ve read it i think it’s time

[aiceofspades]

"we're twenty one pilots and so are you" i whisper to myself again and again, rocking back and forth in the corner

[aiceofspades]

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

[aiceofspades]

hey no offence but sometimes we will die and sometimes we will fly away either way you're by my side until my dying days and if i'm not there and i'm far away i said don't be afraid we're going home

[aiceofspades]

cute mf just cheesin with his whole face ugh

[aiceofspades]

ao3 is crazy because you'll read the most gut-wrenching 200k word slowburn that leaves you sobbing into your sweater at four in the morning and the author will be applejacksmonstercock

[aiceofspades]

don't smile | ex!anakin x f!reader

headers: @strangergraphics-archive

pairings: ex!anakin x f!reader

warnings: really angst, fluff??

word count: 2010

authors note: yo yo yo yall this was lowkey a stream of consciousness i wrote this on the bus and i was so scared someone was looking over my shoulder and this is definitely inspired by don't smile by sabrina carpenter anyways enjoy <{•_•}>

masterlist here!!

anakin was supposed to think about you everytime he held padmé, but did he? you would never know. he never talked to you anymore, just simple thank yous here and there if you held the door open for him.

of course, you always liked to think that he expected you to be angry, but were you? you didn’t even know yourself, but since you never worked up the courage to talk to him, and he never realised you had unfinished business with each other, he would never realise you weren’t angry either. you also weren't popular and you didn't force your daily opinions on other people, like padmé did, so no one was bound to notice if you were angry or not. god, you hated padmé. but you also loved her, in the way that you wanted to be everything she was, but only platonically, if that makes sense.

there was something about her demeanour that took your breath away. now, you were publicly bisexual, so people didn't bat an eye when you stared at her before you and anakin got together, as they assumed you had a crush on her. but if you so much as glanced her way now, people would assume you wanted anakin back and you were jealous of them.

don't smile because it happened, baby

smile because it's over

you frowned as you heard the song lyrics come through your wired earphones in the middle of the Coruscant U library. it was so relatable, and it almost made you cry when you applied it to yourself. you always thought it was cheesy when people said that their lover was their whole world, but it just so happened that you thought that about anakin.

you shook your head slightly, picking your pencil up to sketch a quick drawing of a simple harmonic system from your previous physics class, where you had to endure two full hours next to anakin.

all you smelt was that stupid aftershave that you once bought for him as a christmas present, and all you saw was his gorgeous figure from out of your peripheral. it was like living a hell.

you sighed and again tried to focus on your sketch, but the lyrics of the song came flooding into your ears again.

i want one of them to take my phone

take my phone and lose your

number, i don't wanna be tempted

well, the next hour in the library was going to be difficult.

an hour later, the same song drifted through your earphones. not again.

this time, you couldn't help but to bite your bottom lip in the hope that the tears forming at your eyes would disappear. it didn't work, and one drop slowly rolled down your cheek.

you didn't want to cry in the library, but it's not like anyone cared. they didn't pay enough attention to you. you weren't popular.

you grabbed a tissue from your pocket that you conveniently had since you had a cold, and you used it to dab at your eyes. your breath became shorter and shorter until you were basically hyperventilating in your library chair.

your tissue became useless due to the amount of tears that were pouring out of your eyes. thank god you were in a small corner where no one could see you.

but someone saw you.

unbeknownst to you, anakin was also supposed to be doing his physics homework, but he got distracted when he noticed you with your headphones in doing your work. then he saw you get the tissue out and he noticed when your shoulders began to shake. he oh so badly wanted to go and take you back to his apartment and cuddle you until you fell asleep. but he was with padmé now, and may he state that it was the biggest mistake of his life to break up with you and use her as a rebound.

to be honest, he didn't think of padmé as anything more than a rebound, which was bad of him to think, but it was true. he wanted to go back to his old ways, but he couldn't. he was sure that you hated him now, and partly, it was true.

you hated how he was your whole world.

but, he watched you struggle to keep the tears in 10 metres away from where he was sat in silence. he should have stood up and given you another tissue, but he didn't. you wouldn't have accepted it. instead, you would have slapped him or said something profane.

he watched as you shoved your books and your singular pencil into your satchel before grabbing your useless tissue and walking out of the library with your head down. not that anyone was looking.

he should have followed you, but thankfully, your apartment buildings were next to each other, and your bedrooms looked into each others. this, however, reminded anakin of the time he’d brought padmé back to his bedroom to have sex since his roommate was out studying. he momentarily forgot that you would see everything, but as he was kissing padmé, he caught your reflection through the window in a mirror he had on the wall. you looked heartbroken, to say the least.

he never had sex with padmé ever again, just to be sure, but as you glanced out of the window at them that day, you found yourself remembering all the times when anakin kissed you like that. it was heartbreaking, to say the least.

anakin wanted to follow you home and say everything he needed to say, but he know that you would go home and just cry. if you did that, then he could torture himself all night long by watching you sob the night away in your dingy little room that hasn’t seen the light of day or another human being since anakin called it off. it was his fault you were crying, after all.

he knew he needed the torture. he couldn’t live with himself if he knew you were crying all alone and didn’t hurt himself with the sight. he had to, he needed to. it was his indirect way of apologising.

but anyway, he watched you walk out of the library before waiting 5 minutes and following you.

he didn’t see you though, as you were sat on a bench outside of the library. you had a feeling he would follow you when you caught a glimpse of him as you rushed out. you were right.

you watched him stride across the campus, trying to look for you. internally, you were angry at him. he should just leave me alone, you thought, the tears now slowing down and your shoulders stilling. but as you thought that, you immediately felt bad. he still cared for you as he came to look for you after he'd noticed you crying in the library.

he still cared, that was all that mattered.

he was still in eyesight, so you jumped up, threw you satchel over your body, and ran to where he was nearly by the apartment buildings. the clouds above were closing in and the sun was setting. i shouldn't be out any later, you thought as the new darkness in the sky reminded you of some stories you had heard from friends in other classes about girls who stayed out too late. this also reminded you of when anakin used to swear on his family's life that he would protect you.

"that's a brave swear on your family's life," you used to say in response.

he used to reply, "well, i know that no harm will come to you if i'm nearby, and so no harm will come to them either. but you're also my family now."

you wondered if he told the same thing to padmé.

you came within distance behind him to hear his heavy footfalls as he glanced right and left for any sign of him, but you faltered. what would you say? anakin, hey, it's been a while? no. anakin, i hate you for what you did? no. anakin, it's me? yeah, that would have to do.

"anakin, it's me."

he whipped around. those were the first words you'd spoken to him in four months. it had taken him a month to find padmé.

in his wisdom, he stood with his mouth hanging open. "you're there," he said. and those were his first words.

"uh, yeah. i don't want to assume or anything, but i was sat on the bench outside. i saw you storm past."

"you aren't assuming, i was coming to find you. i don't know why but i just... didn't want to see you crying anymore. that's all you've been doing for the past two months since i found- since i found padmé."

your face must have fallen when he mentioned her name as he immediately reconciled.

"uh, this isn't about her. i just want you to stop crying. it's torturing me, and i know that i'm the reason why."

usually, you would have hit back with a snarky but jokey line, like, "bold of you to assume," but you couldn't. you just couldn't.

instead tears began forming yet again as the sight of him in front of you finally set in, and you pushed past anakin to the apartment building. you pushed past ashoka when you got to the apartment, and something on her face told you she understood why.

after slamming your door shut behind you, you dropped your bag on the floor and curled up on your rug.

you didn't even have the strength to get on the bed.

after 5 minutes of crying your heart out, your door creaked open. big hand grabbed at your waist but you squeezed your eyes shut, blinking the tears away. someone sat you upright, but you refused to look, you didn't want it to be true.

"baby, i need you to open your eyes for me, okay?" anakin, oh god.

you refused again, but he pulled you forward so you were laying on his chest.

"it's okay," he whispered. "take your time."

"i don't know- why i hate you so much," you sobbed out, staining his shirt.

"it's okay, i feel the same way."

"you do?" you craned your head up at this, finally opening his eyes.

"yes," he said, rubbing your back, the way you told him your mother used to do it when you were crying. he knew you too well and it made you angry. "i hate you so much that i'm in love with you all over again. i don't know why either. s'okay, baby."

"stop calling me baby, i hate it," you said, resting your head against his chest again.

"no, you don't," he simply said. you didn't, not really, you just hated how vulnerable you were just like you were four months ago.

"will you swear to protect me?" you asked.

"on my family, yes. always, Y/N, always. it's always gonna be you. it was never padmé, it will never be her. i'm sorry for having sex with her whilst you were in your room, but the truth is, all i could think about during it was how we used to do it. as i came, i thought about you and only you. i couldn't face padmé without being embarrassed and she couldn't understand why."

"all this time..." you said.

"all this time," he said, grabbing your face. "it's been you. i don't know why i ended it, i was being stupid. but i want another go at us, please."

you nodded, wiping at your cheeks. he brought you in close and pecked your lips, smiling. "how about we get you off this rug and onto your bed?"

he picked you up with his strong arms and big hands and laid you in the bed, under your covers.

"join," you said, patting the space next to you. he joined you immediately, wrapping his arms around you from behind and nuzzling into you like a routine - like you'd never been apart.

"what about her? padmé?" you asked.

"i think she knows she's not the one. i think she's always known."

and then he snuggled into you, like it was any other night.