#always a complicated topic

[newttxt]

Are you okay with your art being reposted with credit?

someday ill type this up in an faq i swear.

short answer: no. please dont.

long answer: i really don’t like reposts on tumblr and twitter because i have accounts there, so id rather ppl just interact with my art rather than a repost (bluesky too, though ill admit i fell behind on posting there oops).

on instagram, i guess its okay since i don’t have an account there, as long as its with credit leading to my stuff on other platforms.

all of this comes with the huge disclaimer that many artists do not like their stuff reposted, even with credit. so thank you for asking, and pls never repost other ppls work without permission

[violetsandshrikes]

how do you help so many different kinds of people? i have noticed you know about lots of different things and meet lots of different people. i want to do that but i cant figure out how? /gen

A little bit of background is probably needed:

I have had people ask me this before, and honestly I had a little bit of a cheat code. While my life has been filled with a lot of trauma and bad shit, I was raised by a mother from an incredibly leftie family who walked the talk when it came to values and doing the work.

She had a lot of ideas imparted on us from a young age: social and community responsibility, ideas of collectivism, eduction. Even as a poor, trapped young mother, she was believed that many people behaved badly based on ignorance outside their very limited bubble, and that when life became difficult economically or socially, people would immediately point fingers at groups they knew little about or saw as distinctively different in order to have a blameable target.

From about 4-5, outside typical schoolwork, my mother also taught us about the world. This included different conflicts and genocides (which may sound horrific to some people, but basic information and explanation was given, and then it got more in depth with age), different countries and cultures (often she would randomly select a country from a world map, and we would spend a set amount of time learning everything we could about the place, culture, people, etc), different religions (I attended many different types of religious institutes at least once, and my mother often found people willing to talk about their belief system with us), volunteering, etc.

I have definitely had a head start and a lot more guidance than many people, which I am incredibly grateful for. It can also make it difficult to advise though.

Realistically:

Honestly, the two best things you can do if you don’t know where to start are: listen and learn. Find any local group, start participating and volunteering. Listen to the stories of people there. Ask questions. Expose yourself to all sorts of different ideas and opinions.

In the last year, I’ve started doing a little throwback to my childhood. I have a schoolbook, and I choose random topics, and spend a few hours every week learning basic things about it. Choose a country, choose a place, a time in history, a religion, a culture, a people. You don’t have to be a scholar. You just have to expand your horizons.

As you get involved with more things, you will begin to narrow down your core values. This is good: you can’t do everything at once. I would say roughly 2-3 core issues or topics you care about is good (this doesn’t mean that you don’t care about things happening outside it - it just means you don’t spread yourself thin). There’s different things people make their focus: LGBTQ+ issues, BIPOC issues, environmental issues, homelessness, disability, refugee issues, etc. Your core focus will be the ones you feel most passionate about, which is good, because it means you will put in genuine work and care, and you will lower the risk of burning out fast and being of help to no one, including yourself.

You also have to get comfortable with the fact you will never be perfect. You will never be up to date with every idea and practice. There is always something you will need to learn or unlearn. Becoming rigid about being correct all the time will make you more of a menace than a help to any reputable movement or group. You might feel uncomfortable when you realise the gap or misunderstanding you had - that’s normal. Be open to learning and expanding your understanding of things vs burying your head in the stand stubbornly. I say things and then months later I realise that actually, I don’t agree with that anymore, or my understanding has deepened, or changed, or pivoted. This tends to make people feel very bad or uncomfortable, but you have to get to the stage where again, you acknowledge that that’s normal.

[bonefall]

Living for the Grandma Mistystar designation because she's grandma in such a specific way. Like she's been around forever and goes on and on and we know and love her and she lived through The War™ and had a hard life, etc, but sometimes things come out of her mouth that make it VERY OBVIOUS that she attributes the horrors she lived through to a bad person, a bad group, as opposed to the culture in which she lives, and therefore doesn't really have the right takeaways. So there's grandma telling you stories and then she says some shit and it's like "Grandma Mistystar didn't you literally survive an attempted half-clan genocide. The fuck are you on about." But also she's old as hell and you know she loves you and you love her so you just sort of sit uncomfortably in her living room and drink your tea. Literally an old-ass woman who lived through hell and still votes Conservative. I'm obsessed with her.

The old grandma characters in BB have my entire soul. They've all been through AWFUL shit, they came so close to the right conclusions, you love them SO much but then they drop some shit that makes your skin crawl. What can you do with that?

You can see a bit of progress with cats like Mousefur, but even then, it's never in the exact way you were hoping for. It goes from, "foreigner Bad" to "Some foreigners Not bad." But progress is progress, right...?

It's a sort of hopeless feeling, but not strong enough to tip into despair. The world is changing and they're remnants of the old one. You have to fight them when they try to drag it back, but totally changing their person is an unwinnable battle.

[uncanny-tranny]

Comparing oppression can sometimes give you insight as to what other groups of people go through. It teaches you what you have in common with people seemingly different than you are, and teaches you how you are different and how you can ally yourself better with other peoples.

However, if your goal is to prove you suffer the most between you and another person, you'll likely find that there is no conversation, just an endless barrage of back-and-forth to prove which of you deserves to be listened to.

The reality is that you don't have to be in the most pain in order to be listened to. So often, we are inundated with this idea that the person suffering the most is the only one who ought to be listened to, and it sends the message of "holy shit, I guess I don't matter. I guess I deserve to suffer if others are going through worse," and that's just unreasonable and unfair. Who has it worse is entirely contextual and changing, and sometimes it is subjective - as in, something that is earth-breaking for you is an average tuesday evening for the guy next to you.

Kill the cop in your head that says your voice will only matter if you prove yourself. Listen to other marginalized people and know it isn't a competition to see who can prove themselves most worthy of tine and energy. Our resources can (and should) be multifaceted and able to help a variety of peoples.

[justthewayuare]

The treatment of sluts

I’m not the first person to write about this topic and I don’t want to dive in here deep into societal problems with slutshaming. But I think about it a lot - there is an interesting approach within the show to this.

I talk about how both characters in the show and the audience treat so-called sluts of the show. Yes, it’s about Boston and Top. But also about Sand and Ray. Because it’s quite clear that all four of them have - or had before by the point we’re now - an active sex life. With Boston, Top and Sand it was spoken out loud, with Ray wasn’t but come on. Like he is horny as fuck.

And the way he just casually raised the car roof here without stopping a make out session - I don’t believe for a second he never did it before.

But Ray also spends a huge amount of his life being blackout drunk so maybe his sex life is not that intense at this point. The other three? 100%

But the approach towards Sand (and Ray) is very different than towards Boston and Top. And it’s partially because of car scene, of course, but not only about that. Top and Boston both constantly judged for their sex life in the show and out of it. And I think characters view on those who actively engaged in casual hookups speaks volumes. It happens in all of the main dynamics but differently.

Friend group. So the whole Boston-Mew drama about feeling superior to the other cause of having/not having sex is amazing. Those two are very dramatic about it. Boston going crazy about Mew’s virginity while Mew being arrogant ass towards Boston’s sex life is just everything. I love it.

Like really, Mew, honey, there is nothing wrong with sleeping around. It’s not something that needs correction. He’s fine.

Cheum said nobody would be happy in a relationship with Boston. And why?

That’s her reason. While so many real reasons exist for her it’s just Boston being a slut. And it’s just interesting to me for two reasons:

1. Boston didn’t say anything about relationship. Not everyone wants a relationship.

2. Monogamy is not the only option, you know? Some couples are great without being inclusive and it’s fine.

We never see anyone talks on Ray about it and, well, Ray is a depressive addict and that’s what should worry people around him more, rightfully so. Ray is also the only one in that friend group who never speaks about others sex life.

Top and Mew. Mew is really getting paranoid by the episode 5. Every time he sees a man looking at Top he gets nervous.

And yes, Top slept with Boston, but Mew seems (at least for me) unaware of that. He’s fine when Top and Boston are near each other, but any random guy passing by Top? Even when Top doesn’t interact with them or even looks back at them.

And Mew really tries his best to be cool about Top’s past.

But he just can’t. It’s always present in their relationship. He can’t get over it to the point he decides to have sex with Top.

And maybe it’s not all about that and he also in love with him and blablabla but the reasoning is “I’m afraid he’ll get bored” and this is all about Top and sex and the role sex played in his life.

And while Mew doesn’t want to judge Top he usually judges people like Top, and of course he can’t separate it. He is not okay with the past Top has. He doesn’t trust him because of that past. So the audience doesn’t too (and also because we know Top fucked Boston obviously).

Boston and Nick. Nick is in a way the same as Mew. While he doesn’t seem to judge people for having sex life, he does it with Boston. He is obsessed with him being with someone else (read as: Top).

Just a reminder, he bugged Boston’s car just because he saw photos with Top. Just in case. While they agreed on being fwb and Boston never lied about having other partners.

And when Boston told him about someone else blackmailing him over sex tape, how Nick responded?

Yep. And while it was meant as a tease, it wasn’t. Nothing is ever a reason to record someone without consent (as that guy did. And Nick did. And Boston did). But Nick says it as this is justified because he really doesn’t like that Boston is a slut. And, well, the audience doesn’t like it too (besides all the other reasons of course).

Sand and Ray. I give it to them, in that particular case they are doing great. Not in a one point of the story not Sand or Ray had issues with other’s past sex life. They don’t even seem to care about it.

The one time Ray asked if Sand is fine with casual hookups he did it for a reason to, well, know if Sand will be into having sex with him. So when Sand said yes Ray was actually pleased with this answer.

And while their situationship progresses into something and Sand sees Ray with a girl, he’s not nervous or jealous. He teases Ray a little and a bit possessive but he is totally chill about it.

I had so much hope we’ll get a threesome with those two at some point of the story, but yeah. Second time they let a gorgeous girl walk away without even noticing. They are simping for each other so badly it’s pathetic. And adorable. I love them. No threesome for them I guess.

And when the fight at the end of episode happens Boston brings up twice that he thinks Ray and Mew had sex. As that has to make Sand feel even worse. But the thing is, Sand is heartbroken not because Ray potentially had sex with someone, even his close friend. I really don’t think Sand would care about it. Sand is heartbroken because Ray loves someone else.

So those two are only ones who don’t judge anyone, including each other, for having an active sex life (being sluts). And this is quite healthy approach (look at me, using word healthy to describe that one thing about OF, I don’t believe myself) to life and relationships. Any sort of relationship, including friendships, romance or people you don’t know but so ready to judge. And while them not judging each other, why the audience would?

I don’t know if the show does it on purpose or not. I do think it does with Boston and Top. But with Sand and Ray? I doubt it. It more looks like those to have enough other shit to worry about both within their relationship and outside of it. I know it’ll develop but by episode 5 characters biggest problems looks something like this:

1. Mew’s biggest problem is his relationship with Top and sex. And Boston.

2. Top’s biggest problem is maybe insomnia but also his relationship with Mew and sex. And Boston.

3. Boston’s biggest problem is Top and Mew and their relationship.

4. Nick’s biggest problem is his relationship with Boston and sex and Boston.

5. Ray’s biggest problem is depression and addiction and inability to love or being loved.

6. Sand’s biggest problem is his financial situation, debts collectors and working his ass off 24/7.

So maybe yes, those two just don’t have enough screen time to worry about sex too. And while I do think we will learn more about other characters, by that point we’ve seen almost half of the show. And the initial idea of who they are already formed. It can develop, but it won’t change.

And the approach to Boston and Top being sluts won’t change either. Whatever they do the “slut” part will be seen as their flaw, something they have to overcome (it is not). While Sand and Ray get a free pass on that.

The thing is, both Top and Boston do have flaws and things to overcome. But their sex life is not a part of it. Them having a lot of sex partners doesn’t mean they can’t be in relationship, or even monogamous, if that what they (or at least Top) want to. And if they doesn’t - nothing is wrong with it. It’s like trying to change something that’s not even broken on the first place, you know?

[queernobi]

I haven't talked about her in years, but I've seen a few snippets of her work lately, and I was reminded just how much Natalie Wynn doesn't really know what she's talking about when it comes to a lot of stuff she chooses to discuss.

I mean, she's good at SOUNDING like she does, especially if you know very little about the topic at hand, but when you DO actually know a considerable amount about the topic, you realize that she either completely misunderstood her sources or really didn't bother to read anything that spoke about it in a substantial way.

(A big example of this was when she tried to say she was trying to come up with a materialist working of trans/nb identity, but used Judith Butler's work as an inspiration. Judith Butler. The person who famously disavows the very IDEA of coming up with a materialist understanding of queer identity. I also think of how she apparently never read about comphet among lesbian women for years, despite her repeated claims before then to have read a substantial amount about queer identity as a whole. Comphet is like...101 level shit.)

[socksandbuttons]

So, leaving a spider Lillie on someone’s desk means kys, I’m imagining lunar leaving a eclipses (og eclipse) desk and eclipse would be confused about it

personally i don't think Lunar would. What he would do. Is leave bloodmoon on the desk. Get an whoopin' instead.

[starlooove]

Ok I’m glad I’m not crazy someone else said it first - yeah it feels like you can’t ntroduce an oppressive class and then actually deal with them so you had to go everywhere else

[slippery-minghus]

honestly. it's so fucking frustrating and disheartening. that the only thing making me hesitant to cleanly cut contact with my mom, the thing that still looms after cutting away from my dad........ is that when they both finally bite it, that's two houses to sell. that's money that may mean *i* get to have my own house someday.

the key to the security my parents failed to give me from the moment i was born lies in their deaths. the least they can do. the very fucking *least* is to leave me the means to build that security on my own. they owe me so much more than that, but realistically? that small act of restitution is all i can and will ask for.

until then? i want nothing to do with them.

[feuilletoniste]

Seeing stuff like this always makes me sad. I know I’m in the minority in that I actually know enough about biology (complex biology, not the ‘‘basic’’ biology transphobes claim will say that humans have only two sexes) to understand that, even though there are at least six scientifically recognized human sexes on a spectrum from how we define ‘‘male’’ and ‘‘female,’’ those societally deemed ‘‘male’’ will always benefit from the consistent oppression of those societally deemed ‘‘female.’’ I don’t think this is at odds with radical feminism in its most basic form! Sex-based oppression is real, and problematic,* and should be addressed! But sex ≠ gender, and the Venn diagram of sex-based oppression and gender-based oppression can be understood as two distinct facets with a (very large) overlap. All men benefit from the oppression of all women; this does NOT mean that ‘‘male’’ or ‘‘female’’ is an immutable category. Often people who are otherwise in agreement with the idea (that all men benefit from the oppression of all women) will balk at the idea that binary transgender people will experience that oppression differently than before they transitioned. A trans woman who passes as a cis woman will be treated by most men the exact same way they would’ve treated a cis woman. Similarly, trans men will almost always benefit from that same systemic oppression of women, even though they themselves might not be able to ‘‘access’’ all of the benefits of patriarchy.

I don’t think all of these ideas need to be in conflict with each other. I think radical feminism à la Dworkin and Butler has a lot of relevant and useful ideas and frameworks for navigating our present society, and obviously I don’t think we should dismiss an entire generation of feminists just because some of them have regressive views about transgender people. Furthermore, I don’t think radical feminists should dismiss transgender people either. We’re all of us sisters in this fight together, regardless of your specific beliefs on how that fight should look. But the idea that there are only two human sexes is not only bigoted, it’s just flat-out incorrect.

*Original definition.

Unrelated to the original topic at hands, but I also thought this bit (from the same blog) was very revealing:

Whenever someone says something like this, I just wonder if they’ve ever heard of the concept of lesbians. Genuinely! Because many lesbians also enjoy kink and BDSM, and I don’t think that has anything to do with ‘‘center[ing] the pleasure and well being [sic] of men,’’ to be honest. I think it has everything to do with the pleasure and well-being of the lesbians.

[anthromimicry]

okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )

plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.

though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.

so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.

but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.

and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.

[mwagneto]

i know it's my fault for interacting with western politics in the first place but it's such a massive and extremely annoying mistake on the west's part to keep assuming that eastern european misogyny works the same/is worse than western misogyny like. the culture of america and the west as a whole is way more extremist christian and their version of misogyny is very heavily built on the 50s housewife/"women are incapable of doing anything but raise babies" worldview and they just assume anyone perceived as "less developed" than them must then have an even worse case of misogyny automatically even though the culture of gender in the eastern bloc comes from the world wars & soviet union culture with the former bringing the necessity of working women (due to lack of male work force) and the latter just. inherently not being a misogynist culture like people straight up don't know that the soviet union was actively pro equality like being the first to legalise abortion in 1920 and always pushing for women in all fields including STEM and politics. like obviously there was still misogyny, it wasn't some sort of utopia/a haven of women's rights but the eastern bloc's misogyny is founded on THAT and not the same christian capitalist "man go work big job woman have 100000 babies" thing that the west and especially the US is built on, like this is from personal experience now but I've literally never heard a single negative comment about women in politics and our president is literally a woman without anyone melting down about it like americans did when a woman decided to run for president. so like. TLDR stop assuming bigotry has developed in the same way all over the world and that every country you think of as poorer than yours must then be inherently worse and more bigoted in every way

[oncominggstorm]

Y’all ever wish you could just take a vacation from thinking for a while?

[heliianth]

taking a break to atla post i really do believe the way azulas arc / story ended was appropriate. maybe not on the script level (aaron wrote some pretty misogynistic stuff) but azula in the final episodes was a perfect thematic conclusion of both her and zukos stories. anytime anyone says she was Supposed to be redeemed or the writers pussied out of it or whatever i kind of think they dont rlly know what the Point of her character was .

[daisyishedwig]

You ever think you're super chronically online and then you see a hyperspecific dni and can't understand 60% of what's listed and realize that maybe you're actually online a normal amount and you're totally fine.

[dreamsaflame]

always a very strange feeling when someone you've followed for years and years, whose comment/tag/art style is so familiar to you that you would recognise them even without the username and even with constantly changing profile pictures

suddenly posts or reblogs something that completely shits on your identity.

"i had a bad experience with people pretending to be this identity, so all of you in this community are now suspect."

"this personally isn't a fit for me, so all of you who do fit must have something wrong with you."

of course, the post in question doesn't use that language. but parsed, it sure sounds like bigotry and discrimination, doesn't it?

always a very strange feeling to realise someone i thought i'd known, would be disgusted to know me in turn, because i don't fit into their box. "why don't you come out? why do you hide away even in anonymous online spaces?" well, i wonder why.