#although people could still find it
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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god fucking damnit I am so tired of lis reddit fandom👐 every time some new info comes out about MAX'S new game there's always the "b-but where's my fav character???? but what about this thing??? but how are they gonna show that????" and I just wanna ask them like... do you even like max as her own person? do you even like her in the first place?
#ngl i find it irritating that they don't talk about chloe as well#to the point of saying 'we made bts a game with a known character '#like ffs just SAY HER NAME#but????? the amount of people who shit on de before it's out????#and all the people who say nothing positive about the game that potentially could help max move on a start the cure of her trauma?#i mean i do think that chloe is important to maxs live#but didn't we already have a game where there was a character from a previous one#who's had another L.I. in the previous game but could romance a 'new' one in this one#but who's 'future' l.i./best friend jept haunting the narrative in diaries/messages/dialogues???#huh i wonder who did this game#oh wait#(although i doubt we're getting bts level of mention for chlor#chloe*)#but still#anyways#life is strange#max caulfield#life is strange double exposure
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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i do think there's probably something suspicious about the way everyone loves Ca$h and Quinni and their depth while essentially reducing Darren to their shared supporting character and/or the sassy black woman(/person in this case) stereotype, but I feel somewhat hypocritical bringing it up
#shimmer's thoughts#heartbreak high#darren rivers#cash piggott#ca$h piggott#quinni gallagher jones#tbf i'm mainly a meta writer and i feel like they mentioned darren's issues so clearly in s1 that there's not much for me to say#but most people aren't meta writers. and/or people who know the show better might be able to find things to talk about#it could also be more of a problem with the show itself bc from what i can remember they don't get much else to do#like. it feels like the white characters they support just have more depth and more going on than them#and ik people have talked about the show being weird about missy and malakai#although if we're going to talk about how missy and malakai are mistreated by the show#why is no attention given to the fact that darren's like 90% a stereotype#and 9% is them being desperate enough to change integral parts of themself for a white boy#and 1% is them explaining the stereotype with parent issues where the white dad is focused on and the black mom just disappears#that's still suspicious#also i feel like everyone jumps to hate on them every time they get the chance#without looking at why they do things. but then again the show doesn't really explain their reasoning ever does it#either way i feel like i either see people stereotyping them or shitting on them and no one in between acting regular about things#like i just went into the tags to make sure i'm not losing it and there's like 3 posts cutting them slack for the s1 ca$h storyline#and that's it. everything else focuses on ca$h or quinni or hates on them or stereotypes them. i just think that's a bit odd#idk. i can't put my finger on it but something's not right. i don't trust it#i mean i kinda did put my finger on it. i kinda slapped it repeatedly with my finger. but i still don't see a coherent enough thread here#to be personally satisfied. if i can't write a summary of my thoughts my thoughts aren't clear enough
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sorry but why is everyone being so fucking weird about the watcher thing 😭 don’t subscribe if you don’t want to but whyyyy do I keep seeing people act as if this is some sort of personal attack
#THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS THEY DID NOT BETRAY YOU#for anyone unaware watched announced they’re launching a subscription service for all their content going forward#instead of posting on YouTube#and although I of course understand being disappointed about that#the way people have been talking about it is literally crazy.#I’m also seeing people for real be like ‘how dare you pay $6 for a subscription service when you could be using that money to buy esims for#Gaza’#literally WHAT 😭😭😭#man finds time to make birdhouse while jonbenet ramsey’s murder is still unsolved ass take
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#jung eun chae#moon ok gyeong#Jeong Nyeon#정년이#Jeong Nyeon: The Star is Born#Wangja-nim❣️😳❤️🔥#but am actually quite annoyed and angry with MOG now despite being a fangirl still#because of the situation with SHR#SHR might be the antagonist in the drama#but I DON’T find MOG blameless in what happened to them#although obviously HR needs to own up to her issues and behaviour/actions#MOG is so aloof and uncommunicative#and going off to her ‘friends’ whenever she feels like it without any thought for SHR?#that is just a form of neglect#visuals and aesthetics-wise MOG is absolutely drool-and-swoonworthy#but her behaviour just does not sit right with me#I find her problematic despite her not being portrayed too overtly as such#but the vibes is very strong for me#it is extremely vexing for a fangirl like me#TBF MOG reminds me too much of entitled men and I don’t like that one little bit#that is just a horrible way to treat someone you supposedly love#only shitty people do that IMO#that ‘I don’t love you or our life together anymore but won’t actively leave or tell you either’#even one you no longer do (much)#or just another person (period)#and now I find myself in the weird position of being a (semi) Hye Rang ‘apologist’#despite finding her actions/behaviour ‘wrong’#and not liking her character all that much#but my heart just could not stop hurting for her#for her misguided and extremely unwise/idiotically harmful decisions and actions
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🎤 🎤 🎤
a song that i associate with my muse meme!
AHH, hey, ramone!! thank you for sending in this prompt :D since you sent in three of the mic's, i shall now be treating you to three songs that make me think of blamore when i hear them / that i associate with it. an explanation of why i chose them will be in the tags <3
hozier - who we are.
youtube
icehouse - crazy.
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depeche mode - personal jesus.
youtube
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#asks - answered.#ooc post.#okay but ESPECIALLY heavy on the last one because it literally all about the idea of someone that people can turn to in hard times-#like a god or a prophet who will listen to your plights and help you + who you should believe in. and i say this because one major theme-#to blamore's character is the concept of being a false prophet and someone who essentially unfortunately takes advantage of people's-#longing for things to get better in gotham. bc i feel like a lot of people there have either been failed by the system by other's or-#possibly both and this is so that blamore can get people to voluntarily want to consume the 'seeds' it distributes in order to uhh...#well purge gotham of its undesirables basically as terrible as that sounds. but yeah that depeche mode song? it's such a good one for-#him and definitely has helped me before to write things related to him since blamore does sometimes believe in its own hubris.#but as for the second one by icehouse that one i associate with it because although it doesn't exactly consider itself to fully identify-#with the label of being a 'man' i feel as if blamore will still talk about itself that way sometimes. its relationship with its gender-#is honestly a little bit complicated NGL because him using it/its pronouns as well is something blamore adopted recently even-#though he'd always sort of felt like disconnected and/or like it didn't really align with how he saw himself completely. BUT yeahhh#i honestly could start a whole discussion about that but i shall do that another time perhaps ahah. anyhow though besides that-#elephant in the room ever since it has transformed into this half-human half-plant monster being... although it does love any partners-#it has very much (trust me) i feel like it does wonder why they chose to be with him more often than he'd like to admit.#so that's where the whole 'crazy' part comes in and as for the hozier song that song is about how you kind of have to carve through-#this 'darkness' to rediscover ourselves and who we want to be as a result of going through a rough time or just something tough in-#general and that is SO freaking fitting in my opinion for blamore because it definitely had to completely reframe the way it thought-#about itself when it transformed. and he also had to figure out what he believed in / what his values were now which can be suchhh-#a messy process TBH but this isn't the first time that blamore's had to rediscover itself as life is honestly kind of this ongoing-#process of losing yourself and trying to find yourself again you know? but yeah. i hope you enjoyed my explanation here tehe <3#and also that you enjoy the tunes!!
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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Sometimes I look outside my scope of mutuals and I'm like.....I'm glad I'm not them (whole essay in the tags)
#im going to ramble about a very touchy subject here but it pertains to 🐉♠️ which i am very open about shipping#apparently its Problematic or whatever 😭😭???? according to Some People#you know ive been thinking abt this for a while now but people really like spouting rhetoric abt how this or that is problematic without-#-really considering the specifics of why things are bad. things being bad are not the same as things possibly being uncomfortable#like people have an aversion to adult/minor ships or incest ships because these are real and tangible things that happen and are disgusting#i do feel like people have freedom over what they want to consume/create in fiction although those topics are an ick to me and i avoid it#but also you have to understand people dont like it primarily because of the realistic aspect of it and how it connects to reality#not a one to one but because reality already has these preexisting issues we naturally have an aversion to it#you cannot apply the same logic to like a dragon man x human ship because a dragon man is not going to scoop you from the sky#the ramifications of shipping an immortal and human are nonexistant and do not pertain to reality and cannot be judged on the same scale💀#well beside from the logic 🐉 is old in body but his mind develops in the way a fae would. and he is described to be young in fae#so up until now i assumed the normal assumption was to say that he is around ~18 in fae yrs by how he interacts with others in his yr#🐉 is like old in the way where hes lived for a long time and understands the passage of time#but hes processed it through the lens of a young person hence why he can come off as immature despite how old he physically is💀#like are we playing the same game?? if he was a well adjusted fully developed adult with a complete understanding of the world and stuff#like idk trein. none of the events in ch 7 would be happening. its kind of like a huge part of his character that despite his physical age#he IS still learning as he IS still young#i could go into a analysis of his character but thats for another time </33#anyways i see people . primarily young people. telling their mutuals you can or cant ship this and that#and im like its okay to not like ships if you personally find it uncomfortable but to police ur friends...for ships that arent even 'bad'#its insane to me...how do u live like this?#people really need to start thinking about the nuances and why things are the way they are in regards to fiction#instead of buying into that weird pr*ship/ant*ship thing 😭 ive always hated it its so dumb. my university professors wouldve hated it#theres no nuance like...none. personally i also think its why people have low reading comprehension these days too tbh#life is about looking at various viewpoints and coming up with your own opinion#not 'picking a side'💀 learn to form your own opinions. talk to people around you about it. do not constrict your opinions to black/white#its an extremely dangerous mindset to have even outside of literature and it makes you very susceptible to dangerous ideas/propaganda#anyways what im getting at is learn to have educated discussions with others and come up with your own opinions instead of picking a side#btw there is no right/wrong side in literary discussions. there is no good/bad side either. whatever you come up w someone will disagree#thats why its important to just believe what YOU believe in (and not parrot others💀). and also be open to change
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listen as the local jacoblover i do have to address the charlie thing at some point. especially now that i've seen it uninterrupted and at its worst. like, i am relieved he really was never planning on hitting him, OBVIOUSLY. but he still pushed him. and calling a child a mistake is one of the most fucked up things you can possibly do in this life let alone to charlie's face. i have not forgiven jacob summers for his crimes believe me. like you are a full adult man jesus christ. doghouse for one thousand years
#digi discusses#grounds for divorce i am not joking bitch. you are spending the night on the floor with athena#that being said#it is SUCH an interesting thing to include in the game. jacob really still thinks he is a kid. even if he wouldn't admit it#or isn't fully conscious of it. really important side to show of things in a late in life coming of age story.#he is a sweet guy mostly but the scenes with charlie force you to look at the fact that the lag in learning to live has HINDERED him badly.#violently even. lol#its relatable unfortunately. so many of my emotions are underdeveloped for my age and it has hurt people in my lowest moments.#i just find it fascinating that in a game where the timeline is so damaged people are seeing into the FUTURE#when that was not possible in the previous iteration. that jacob is only ever seen flashing back in time. he never once sees the future.#he is always going back to his childhood. middle school most commonly it seems. the maggie adler times.#although the thing where he says he is being buried alive by bugs could be. him seeing is own death or something. so who knows#as always: maybe i am forgetting stuff or over-analyzing#oxenfree II spoilers
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Never thought I'd see a cop show be so fucking liberal and thoughtful as to acknowledge that a person who is diagnosed with psychopathy is not, by default, a serial killer. They have "persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits" (Wikipedia) but none of that means that they are going to (or have) become a serial killer. (The show uses the word "psychopathy" so that's what I'll be using.)
The basic premise of the show, which is the Korean drama Bad Guys, is that a detective uses 3 prisoners to help him fight crime, usually people who have killed repeatedly. There's the mobster, the hitman, and the aforementioned psychopath, Jung-moon.
It later turns out that Jung-moon has been framed for the serial killings that he went to jail for. He was framed, in fact, by the detective he is now working for because, well, he was a psychopath so that meant that it had to be him, even if there was no real evidence.
But it is wrong and the show specifically states that. It was wrong, the show says, that this was done to someone no matter what they were diagnosed with. It was wrong, the show says, that the detective assumed the worst of Jung-moon because of his diagnosis. It was wrong, the show says, that Jung-moon was sent to prison for years. It was cruel and awful and wrong.
And the show never refutes that Jung-moon has psychopathy! Never! No one ever calls it into question, tries to say that he didn't do the killings because he's not obviously not a psychopath. He has psychopathy but he still didn't deserve to go to jail or be treated the way he was treated. The psychopathy is never used as a reason to make it better or understandable that he was sent away.
They even have the detective apologize to Jung-moon! "I branded you as a psychopath, blaming everything on you," says the detective. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." There's no attempt to make excuses, to pretend that there was another reason he thought it was Jung-moon. He straight up just admits that that was the only reason he targeted Jung-moon. And he acknowledges that this was wrong and cruel of him.
The detective then gives Jung-moon his gun and tells him that he deserves to be shot by the other man. And Jung-moon puts the gun to the detective's head and says, "I can't feel the emotions you fee. Because I can't feel those feelings, I wanted to learn them. Whether it's blame, sadness, happiness, I learned from you for the past couple months." And then Jung-moon doesn't pull the trigger. He's a psychopath. He has low empathy and low self-control and he still doesn't kill the detective.
I just wasn't expecting such a nuanced, respectful, and kind look at a character diagnosed with psychopathy from a silly little cop drama which is basically just a mystery with cops being overly dramatic and a fuck ton of fight scenes. It was just incredibly refreshing to see.
#geeky talks#geeky talks bad guys (2014)#now jung-moon did indeed kill people#but by the laws of cop dramas they were totally acceptable killings#(he walked in to find his parents' dead bodies#and killed the murderers that were still there)#also i don't think i once called him by his real name while watching the show#he looks like a kpop star so i called him kpop the whole time#but it felt wrong to try to make a serious post and call the character kpop#so i went and looked up his name so i could actually use it#any way the tv series is on tubi (which is free)#i've linked it above if anyone is interested#although for some reason on tubi it says it came out in 2024 when it came out in 2014#i dunno what that's about but just a heads up#i tried so hard to make this shorter but that's just not the sort of person i am so here it is
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@beatingheart-bride
"We'd be delighted to," June smiled warmly, brightening at the offer: She and Wilhelm had enjoyed a very nice, leisurely dinner that evening, but were rather disappointed to see that most of what the theater had to offer was either sold out or didn't much appeal to the two of them, hence their decision to head on home after their walk. Thus, a night in, spent watching a movie with their boy and his new sweetheart, was a pleasant change of pace to them.
"I don't suppose you've ever taken part in an actual Saint Patrick's Day celebration, lass," Wilhelm was saying, as he and June settled down in their respective seats, while Randall took a seat on the sofa, beginning to flip through the guide in search of what was coming up. "Contrary to what most folks around here will tell you, it's not all leprechauns and green rivers-the way my folks and I used to celebrate it back home in Ireland is very different to how it's done here, and if you'd be up for it, I'd be honored to share it with you."
At this, Randall smiled to Emily, a surge of excitement seizing him: It was clear as day that the Pace's were taking very kindly to her presence, and so Wilhelm's offer to involve her in their annual Saint Patrick's Day celebrations spoke volumes to that fondness. He hoped she'd take him up on the offer-it'd certainly make for an interesting way to spend her birthday!
#((exactly! although they're dead; they're still together in the end; and now nothing can stop them))#((from being together-the film could end with them marrying and finding their way to gracey manor))#((where they're happily embraced by the other ghosts haunting the mansion!))#((it's defidently a much happier ending; considering how so many films of his ended))#((with him putting the happiness of the woman he loves above his own; even at the cost of his own life!))#((and seriously; it's so sweet that emily is going to be part of a family after centuries of being alone!))#((she's been *so* alone for *so* long; and so for her to be suddenly embraced by this family))#((by two people she never met in the past; who don't have to repressed memories the way randall does))#((because they died before they even got a chance to meet her; and have them love and welcome her with open arms))#((it's got to mean so much for emily; it's gotta leave her wondering how she got so lucky))#((with such a huge change in fate for her; reuniting with randall and being embraced by his folks!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Dark Shadows
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NOTE: the results of this poll will not make bruce join tumblr. he is almost definitely not joining tumblr (he barely knows what tumblr is even after i explained it to him twice today). however. since i'm close with bruce he will almost definitely hear about the results of this poll. so vote for which option you think it will be funnier for me to report to bruce like "hey btw kith tumblr thinks you should..." during our next zoom
#also if you feel like it: which kith member do you think would be the best at tumblr#kith mutual soup and i had this conversation on discord while i was literally still talking to bruce about tumblr#and like. personally i think kevin would be best at tumblr?#here's our theory#dave is the most blorbo. see: that post i made about why he is blorbo. however#blorbos aren't automatically good tumblr users. their appeal is in their distance from the people talking about them#(although tbh with the ufo stuff on his instagram maybe that would be tumblr material)#scott could be good at tumblr but i feel like he'd get frustrated by all the discourse and it wouldn't be a good time#bruce honestly. the way he texts/emails would do numbers on tumblr as just an iconic shitpost. however idk if he'd even be interested in it#kevin would likely find his niche and just stick with it. like only follow 2 people and have a super curated sillyguy blog#which honestly? ideal tumblr experience#and mark would be a blog with a default icon that just likes posts and doesn't reblog or make original posts#anyway that's my theory as someone who knows exactly 2 of these guys#however. i think paul might actually enjoy and be good at tumblr. so if any kith person is getting tumblr it's probably him#that is if i swallow my pride and tell him to get tumblr despite me posting absolutely insane kith shit all the fucking time
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#I’m just gonna use this blog as a diary because. y’know. I already do. anyway#I don’t know what’s gotten into me recently but I just feel like. like I’m supposed to be ‘further along’ in my life than I am now?#and like. I know it’s bullshit because. the milestones I was told I would hit as I grew older have definitely not been predictable#they tell you you’ll get a job and a car and a significant other and you’ll get married and buy a house and have kids and grow old and die#and it’s like. that’s all we’re given to measure our lives by; these big milestones.. people are supposed to feel accomplished when they hit#but those things are just titles to chapters like. nobody tells us that there’s all this other plot happening between those pages#and so yeah I mean. it feels like I’m not on the right chapter and I really want to skip ahead but like#the truth is. I’m not even to the climax yet. I’m still in the lore-dump stage of ny story#and that’s been so hard for me to accept recently. I’m yearning to be in the chapter where I fall in love and get married#but that’s just it like. that chapter comes earlier in other people’s stories than it seems to be in mine#although I’ve fallen in love many times. I’m not at the ‘get married’ chapter. because it’s not the right part of the story yet#and sometimes I wish I could just find the author of my story and tell them HEY GET ON WITH IT ALREADY because things seem to be moving so#so slowly. and yet they’re moving so fast I simultaneously feel like I’m running out of time#like. why do some people deserve to have co-stars in their stories from almost the very beginning who stick by those protagonists and grow#together? What did I do in my last story to deserve such a lonely one this time around?#Why am I so unlucky that I have good close friends that stick by me and all I know how to do is hold them at arms length because I don’t#think our relationships are quite as deep as I feel that I need out of a relationship?#why is my story about desparately trying to find a place where I feel comfortable enough to belong and share myself with others#and hey. why am I not at that part of my story either?#and maybe it’s that I don’t do enough. as a protagonist my toxic trait is that I’m pathologically suspicious of others#if someone shows interest in me I’m suspicious of why. what are they trying to get from me. because in the past people have taken from me#without giving much back. and if someone wants to date me I’m immediately suspicious of their intentions.#because I’ve realised that there’s much more to being in a relationship than ‘you’re hot let’s fuck’. and I know that’s not what I want#I want to be at the part of my story where I can share myself with someone without worrying that they’re going to take more than I can give.#I want to be at the part of my story where I can trust someone with myself when I’m fragile and they can trust me with themselves as well#I want to be at the part of my story where my life slots together well with someone else’s; so well it just feels normal and right.#I want to be at the part of my story where…I know I could live without this person because we can both take care of ourselves but.#it’s just preferable to spend time and solve problems and exist *together*#and you’ll have to forgive me for saying so but I’ll need physical affection from that person whoever they may be#I feel like certain things are falling into place. I like where I am. now I want to set down roots. and I can’t. I’m not at that page yet.
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i think the research side will actually be very fun for this. it will be like. my politics degree if i was interested + committed to it + present at my lectures and seminars + had the opportunity to mention teeth and/or the discography of post-punk band xtc in my essays
#thinking about the one essay i got to do on british punk politics back in october. love you forever sweetheart the apple of my eye...#got lots of research to do. but how fun it will be!! and though this is a long shot if anyone has any material / recommended reading on#british trade unions/the miners strike in the 1980s or (british--or general) queer activism in the 1980s that they could suggest that#would be. more than appreciated i would take you on a date even or send you a fruit basket and a thank you note with a lipstick kiss on it#will obvs be finding my own but. well i figure if ever theres a social media site where theres a chance people will have that sort of stuff#it will be this one innit. the more i talk about it the more i think i want to have a crack at it although. it will still be insane to me#if i actually manage to produce a multichapter work. ME. well there is no rush xx for now i think. i will have a little break xx#god i have posted TOO MUCH today. sorry GOING NOW!!!!!!!
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Okay, I got back to writing WBTL yesterday and now I think this story could’ve been a lot better if I didn’t write it from Valerio’s POV.
#Personal#Was Born To Lead#I’m not saying I should have erased his character#I just think it would have been better if the readers knew him as a wholesome teacher for a longer time?#He can’t rest until people know his secret so there’s going to be a reveal~#and I think it would have been a lot more impactful if the readers knew about him as much as Gabe does#Yeah in that case I probably would have kept Emilio and his suspicions towards Valerio to make a foreshadowing or something#I just really think that I messed up Valerio with all my ‘he’s actually good but his trauma makes him do terrible things’ attidute#Becuase at least at the beginning of this story I wanted him to be sympathetic akhdnfk#And I wrote like two paragraphs in the new chapter about how much Gabe loves and admires Valerio#And really it would’ve been a lot more emotional if Valerio was indeed a kind and harmless teacher#Otherwise it just seems funny and fake#I even know why I expanded this story from Valerio’s perspective so much he was the character I thought a lot off-screen#and I suppose I just wanted to unleash all those ideas as soon as possible#Becuase really the scene when Emilio finds out Valerio’s secret and the scene afterwards when Valerio hears the voices in his head#was literally the first scene I wrote for that chapter before I divided it into two parts#I wanted to write it so much and I did and published it#Ah and in that case most of the chapter would’ve been like two times shorter lmao#Although in that case Emilio probably wouldn’t have been as developed as now so idk#I just still feel insecure about this story at times especially when I think about the things I could do different but well#I’ll try to overcome it I guess#As I said in the new chapter#As a strategist you have to think several moves ahead#if you mess up it’s bad of course but it means you have a new start to properly think everything through again#This is Ximena about chess lol#But I messed up Valerio and this is the fact
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