#although I do think it's funny that Barbie was immediately made

[illeaadante]

devastated to announce that Barbie has done a version of “The Prince and the Pauper” 3 times and it got worse each time.

Like, Princess Adventure is *fine* but it doesn’t have nearly the drama,style, or musical chops of either Princess and the Pauper or Princess and the Pop-star. Truly the Made for TV version.

[bmpmp3]

I FINALLY watched that barbie movie that came out, i watched it last night! it was cute and pretty solid i thought. and then immediately after finishing that i watched the 1989 found footage tv movie ufo abduction/the mcpherson tape?

barbie was mostly very funny (that smallpox joke is inexcusable tho) it seems aimed for maybe a tween-teen kind of audience? i havent heard of many big huge movies aimed at that demographic recently so thats really nice

you know i was worried id be insufferable to both barbie movie fans and barbie movie haters because i have 1) a doll hobby 2) too much interest in doll history and 3) a complete lack of trust and respect for mattel as a company in the past decade and i figured you wouldnt be able to talk to me about it without me um-actually-ing every two seconds BUT it wasnt as egregious as i expected in regards to doll history myths

im especially glad they didnt call stuff like happy family midge and earring magic ken like "recalled" or "banned" or whatever 'cause thats just one of those myths LOL BUT discontinued is a weird term... yeah they were discontinued but like. all dolls are some day. from what i can tell both those dolls werent even like prematurely (heh) discontinued or anything most reports seem that happy family midge sold okay (although there seems to have been controversies at least with the wedding ring and cardboard cutout husband situations) and earring magic ken probably didnt sell well. because hes ken. the earring magic barbies in the line probably sold better LOL i guess a better term could have been like. controversial barbies? infamous barbies? sugar's daddy ken is true and hilarious tho, although if i remember correctly it was like a collectors doll meant for adults that just never got released in the first place

I DID love tanner's inclusion. i love that stupid shitting dog so much i wanted it so bad as a kid but i didnt care about the barbie so it would have been a waste of a playset

speaking of not caring about the barbie so like. i didnt really like barbies as a kid. i didnt really like dolls. i was a furry i only liked animal shaped toys LOL i did have one barbie i picked out myself, fairytopia kindlee who i loved and adored and lost and i dream about her forever. but yeah nothing less interesting to me both as a child and as an adult than a default face sculpt blue eyed blonde barbie toy, which is, as most adults interesting in the modern day toy industry can attest, the reason for our disdain for mattel HFJDKHFDJS actually its more than that - weirdly inflated prices for cheaply made clothes and low quality printing, strangely dated fashion, the weird all or nothing either bare minimum 5 points of articulation or full out double jointed mtm bodies (where is single jointed elbows...i miss her....), THE DECADE LONG REIGN OF TERROR OF THE GLUE HEAD (although we're finally past that), why are those collectors dolls so expensive they look the same quality, why did they make that collectors mermaid ken white from the brown guy in the concept art, in canada the pricing and availability is wacky so i imagine its even worse everywhere else outside the US, this is a personal thing but why does every mattel doll ive ever owned like combust at its joints randomly. am i cursed? do i have a mattel curse? ive been thinking about this for years why does the plastic just disintigrate the second it enters my home what god did i anger. what plastic god did i anger. help me my bloodline has been cursed by some sort of polyvinyl based deity beyond my comprehension

anyway as i was saying it was a little sobering watching a movie with a good fashion and prop and set budget do a take on the memories of what barbie dolls used to be and then thinking about that absolutely dire state we're in rn. bro i kept looking at outfits like modern mattel would never. theyre too busy making half printed t shirt dresses with a random ruffle attached on the side <3 but vintage mattel would also not be as diverse. although neither mattel has an actually fat doll so. um. thats the saddest um-actually im gonna do :(

ive been joking to myself for years that barbie is the name of the species, ken might be some kind of subspecies, so it is funny to see the brand in both real life stores and also this movie lean into that. barbie really is a species. they do move in herds. wait im getting distracted anyway years ago barbie had a big refresh where they leaned into the idea that anyone can be barbie - everyone is barbie: they brought out new body types (standard, tall, short, and slightly curvy) which was a big step, a bigger range of skintones and all kinds of new face molds and screenings, also theres like bald barbies and barbies with prosthetics and wheelchair barbies are made way more often. and all this is fantastic. but unfortunately the blonde blue eyed millie sculpts still haunt most non-fashionista releases.... stereotypical barbie u dont know what u are.... its a shame they didnt reference the millie sculpt in the movie i woulda died LOL

but i always thought it was pretty wack that they made all these cool dolls and then relegated them to wear t shirt dresses for eternity. i like that the budget line is so diverse and i dont even mind the lack of articulation that much (although i do miss basic 9 point articulation where are my elbows and knees) but GOD those outfits. can be ROUGH. and WHY do they never put like half of the diverse dolls in other playsets WHY cant basketball barbie be bald WHEN will i get that prosthetic leg barbie as a fairy like youve put all this effort into all this diversity and then ur doing NOTHING with it mattel im begging u. im begging u. make a fantasy wheelchair barbie i know you can do it. i know you can do it

im not even talking about the movie anymore sorry im just complaining about barbie dolls even tho im not a huge barbie collector JFKDHJRKF i was just picky about toys as a child and i want kids nowadays to get cool dolls too. i think a kid deserves a nice thing to play with that looks like them or like their family or other people around them that also allows to imaginative play you know

okay. okay in the context of the movie its fine and makes sense but lemme tell u. being so deep in the current state of mattel hearing america ferrera's character suggest "ordinary barbie" made me fucking jump out of my seat and point at my laptop screen i almost said outloud "YOUUU" jgekfjfd it was her.... she did this.... jk jk its a sweet message in the movie but just so u know in mattel's mind "ordinary barbie" translates to overpriced cheaply made sack dress barbie. orz

wait back on topic back on topic its a nice movie, im glad it resonates with a lot of people. the plot was a little strange but i dont mind, the sets and outfits and everything was so good anyway, i loved that big huge chunky necklace as a touch, its some fashion brand symbol i dont remember sowwy but i like how huge it is LOL also the music was pretty great, i liked the needle drops and the music composed for the movie was fun too, what was i made for is fantastic but i knew that already its been a hit for a while now and i heard a vocal synth cover of it that sounded nice so i was already on board HJKDHJKFDS sometimes the. racial aspect of the movie was. jarring? they really only mention race like thrice (one of those times being the aforementioned awful smallpox joke) which. you know sometimes i get a little annoyed with a lot of contemporary movies and shows bringing up race just for little quips and jokes here and there while completely ignoring anything substantial about the topic, i know this is a tween movie with a two hour run time and they wanted to focus but i dunno man. it always feels like they're making a joke about elephants while the ignoring the elephant in the room staring u down. but whatever. i'll just lock someone into an unskippable cutscene conversation about history in regards to race and dolls irl later LOL cute movie tho. i like when movies have cool sets and outfits

NOW to the second half of that very odd double feature i gave myself last night UFO ABDUCTION its basically considered the first found footage horror movie, as a tv movie from 1989, and lemme tell u IT IS hard to watch LOL not because its like scary but like. because its a little bit bad <3 but its okay i dont mind, the main character behind the camera got pretty insufferable near the end (would not shut up and made it hard to hear the other actors orz) but it was only an hour and had like no budget - plus i love seeing where so much of the genre came from. im glad to know people screaming at the main character to shut that damn camera off has been here since the very beginning. i also loved the stupid alien costumes its such a shame theyre only in there for like 3 scenes they were the best part: genuinely kind of creepy at the first sight at the ufo landing because theyre so far away and low quality, and also really silly and goofy when they walk right up to the camera <3 <3 <3

i truly madly deeply genuinely without a shred of irony adore found footage so im always happy to see more! even when its bad :) i like it when cameras shake and people scream OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT

[seasonsofeverlark]

Pumpkin Pie and Cheese Buns

Author: @evestedic​

Prompt: Hard working coming home for thanksgiving. Stops at the store on the way to pick up the dessert she didn’t bother to make no one will notice anyway and runs into their ex lover. Tries to leave fast but has to take the walk of shame back to grab the cranberries too. Arrives home not just with the cranberries and pie…  [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: T

____________

“God damn it!” Katniss was not happy. 

It was Thanksgiving, which meant she was being forced to spend time with people she didn’t even know.

Why?

Because they’re family, Katniss.

She could hear her Aunt Martha’s voice. 

Why should she care that her cousin was getting married?

Or that her nephew had gotten into college? 

Or that her godfather was slipping her a 20 buck bill while winking an eye at her? 

She wasn’t a total bitch, so she bore with it, but this was people she saw one fucking time per year! 

If it wasn’t for Thanksgiving, she was sure she wouldn’t see them again as they never even called. Nor did she.

But, be that as it may, Prim loved big gatherings and the attention; she was, after all, quite cheerful. Her father also bore with it, although better than her. 

However, who knew? This year her mother was coming with her new boyfriend. 

Ugh, puke… 

And that was why she was there, November the 26th, coming back from work and on her way to Aunt’s Martha’s house. 

Katniss was not happy. 

She had already left the store not five minutes ago, but something kept nagging at the back of her head while she accommodated the bags in the back of her car. 

Of course, being who she was, she had forgotten dessert. The pumpkin pie with maple whipped cream. Sighing and fuming, she went back to the absolute chaos of the aisles. If she arrived at her aunt’s without dessert…well, she would rather face a biblical plague. 

After perusing the dessert stand and seeing everything was completely wiped out‒not even crumbs were left‒she gave up and thought about getting some canned peaches and cherries.  That’s when she heard it…   

“Is that you, Katniss?” 

That voice. 

She had loved it at one point. Now, it was just nails on a chalkboard. 

Turning around, she set her eyes on a huge blonde guy; he had a perfect gym advertisement body, a smirk on his face, and his arm around a blonde girl with the same perfect gym advertisement body. 

“Cato.” 

“Buying for Thanksgiving?”

“No, just came because I was craving some peaches.” 

“Oh.”

Seriously? It was the most direct sarcastic answer ever, and he had actually believed her? 

Katniss rolled her eyes and was about to turn around when the Barbie clone spoke. 

“Is this the one, babe?”

“Yes, baby, that’s her.”

“Oh, I thought she’d be…I don’t know, prettier?”

“She never wanted to put in the effort, baby.”

“She is standing right here. And if working out turns you dumb, I’m glad I didn’t do it.” 

Katniss had gone out with Cato for two years when they were nineteen. Back then, he had been a kind guy, funny and perhaps a bit silly, but very nice, normal. He had asked her out after a college party, and she accepted; the rest was history. 

However, after one year of being together, he began frequenting the campus gym and suddenly started to change. All he could talk about were diets, exercise, and protein. Katniss was all in for a healthier life; hell, she knew if she kept on eating Greasy Sae’s food every other night, she was going to clog her arteries by the time she was 35, but Cato was relentless. He got rid of all of her comfort food and she had been forbidden to eat chicken and meat ever again. Only turkey and fish were allowed, vegetables, no dairy or eggs, no sugar! She was going crazy; Katniss had reached the obscene point of hiding in the bathroom to eat a Snickers bar, only to quickly brush her teeth and rinse with Listerine at least thrice so that her boyfriend wouldn’t taste any trace of chocolate when he kissed her. It was that night when she knew she couldn’t do it anymore. She no longer recognized the guy she had agreed to date or herself, for that matter. So, Katniss decided to end it right then and there. She skipped her next class and went to their dorm only to find him banging the very same Barbie girl who was in front of her in the canned aisle right now. 

Quickest breakup ever. 

He had said it was her fault for not ‘putting in the effort,’ and she hated him for it. 

“Jealousy doesn’t fit you, Katniss. Well,” Cato gave her a once-over, “I doubt anything does. Have you gained weight?” 

“If I have, that wouldn’t be any of your fucking business. What are you doing here? Came to buy something for dinner? I think there’s a celery and mineral water pack on sale.” 

“Still salty because I chose someone better?” Cato shamelessly licked the girl’s ear, making her giggle in an obnoxious way that made Katniss want to gag. 

She didn’t have to stand here and watch this; she-

Was that a hand on her waist?

“Hey, sorry I took so long. I literally had to wrestle this from an old lady.” 

That voice. 

Peeta Mellark was holding onto her waist and smiling that charming smile that could probably tame a wild animal, while proudly presenting a ham to her.

“Um…” Eloquent as always. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were with friends.” 

“Yeah, no…Not my friends.” 

“Aren’t you the baker guy? You’re slumming it with the bakery employee?” Cato laughed while Barbie‒Katniss really couldn’t care less about her actual name‒looked at Peeta appreciatively. 

“I haven’t introduced myself,” Peeta said, extending his right hand but not letting Katniss’ waist go. Cato immediately took it, flexing his bicep as he did so, but his expression faltered when he shook Peeta’s hand. “Peeta Mellark, owner of ‘The Cake Lair’. Have you guys ever been?” 

Katniss was confused. 

It wasn’t as if she and Peeta were actually friends. They had talked, yes. She simply loved the pastries he sold, and because of how she had raved about his cheese buns, well…the double entendre put her in an uncomfortable position, but he had only laughed and thanked her for the compliment, as he had, in fact, baked those himself. 

Peeta always made sure to set aside at least two cheese buns for her prior to the end of the day. 

And okay, yeah, they had exchanged numbers and texted from time to time, but nothing deep. It was always things about the weather, the cheese buns, or how Prim was. Did that qualify as being friends? 

Katniss was awful at being a good friend, hence why she only had two: Gale and Madge. Her sister and father didn’t count; they were family. 

Shaking her head, she returned to the present to find that arm still around her and Cato’s face getting red. 

“Just let go, dude.  You’re about to pop a vein.” Peeta chuckled. 

Katniss directed her gaze at their hands; she could see they were both squeezing the hell out of each other. Cato probably thought he could scare Peeta off with his muscles, but he clearly hadn’t seen Peeta shirtless on a hot day, hauling 100-pound flour sacks onto his back as if they were light cargo. Peeta was strong, like ‘I could iron clothes on your stomach’ fit; he just didn’t flaunt it, and Katniss appreciated that.

Cato huffed and let go, and Peeta smiled once more and winked at Barbie, who was giggling like an idiot. 

“So, we should be going soon if we want to make it, Katniss. You know how Aunt Martha gets if we don’t get the groceries in time for her.” 

So yeah, she had told him about her hellish weekend to come last week, but Katniss didn’t think he would remember. 

With his hand still on her waist and her still not shrugging it off, they made to pass Cato and his doll, but, of course, the bodybuilder felt the need to use the sole neuron in his brain. 

“You know you’re just a replacement, right? I mean, she went and looked for the next guy that kinda looked like me because she clearly can’t forget me.” 

Tuck your thumb over your middle finger to make a proper fist. If you wrap your fingers around your thumb, you’re likely going to break it. 

Her father’s words and the boxing lessons came back in a flash, and before Peeta could hold her back, Katniss pivoted on her left foot, momentum aiding her, and connected her first with Cato’s jaw. She wasn’t an expert boxer or anything of the sort; she just liked the exercise, and she was strong. But Katniss must have been lucky enough to hit the sweet spot because Cato dropped to the aisle floor, unconscious. 

“Babe!” Barbie girl screeched, and suddenly, two more gorilla-looking guys were coming to her aid. 

Friends of his, no doubt. 

“Tell your boy toy, next time he wants to bully me to think twice, lest he finds himself beaten up again by a woman,” Katniss spat at the blonde girl. 

“You did this?” A broad and tall black guy asked. He was actually pretty scary, but Katniss held her ground and managed to nod. To her surprise, he chuckled and sort of bowed to her. “He’s an ass. I bet he had it coming. We’ll take care of him.” 

“Thresh! He’s your friend…” Barbie girl actually had tears in her eyes. 

“He’s not. We’re just in the same weightlifting class. And don’t cry; he’ll come to soon. Finnick, help me bring this idiot back.” 

“You must have a mean right hook, hon,” the guy with reddish hair and perfect teeth told Katniss. 

“I do.” She jutted out her chin proudly; her dad had taught her well. 

“Nice to know you have it all sorted out. Katniss, should we go?” Peeta was pulling her a bit, and she let him, both soon finding themselves out in the parking lot, having decided to leave behind the cans and the ham. 

Once they were in front of her car, Katniss did something she rarely did. 

“I’m sorry I cost you your ham.” 

Peeta seemed surprised, but he simply smiled. “That’s okay. There are a lot of hams left, actually; I just needed an excuse to walk up to you.” 

“Why did you do that?” 

“That guy was an ass, and I know you could’ve handled it on your own, but…,” he leaned in a bit and whispered, “doesn’t it feel good to let him know you’re with someone much better now?” 

Katniss couldn’t help it, she laughed. “You’re full of yourself, Mellark!” 

“Hey! I’m a catch, I tell you. Owner of his own bakery, hard-working; I know how to cook and bake, and I’m easy on the eyes, too.” 

“Not to mention, tons and tons of humility.” 

“That, too.” He smiled, and Katniss rolled her eyes, but she really didn’t feel angry with him. She hadn’t needed his help, but he had offered it freely without expecting anything in return. “So, I guess this is where we part ways.” 

“What are your plans for tonight, Peeta?” Katniss suddenly asked, and he was surprised as well. 

“Uhhhh, not much. Bake something? Eat it while watching TV, nothing exciting.” 

“You can come to my Aunt Martha’s, if you want. Prim would love to see you, and this way I can repay your ‘act of kindness’.” 

“Really? You sure it wouldn’t bother you?” 

“If it did, I wouldn’t have asked.” 

“Sure, I’d love to.” 

“Okay, but before that, there’s something I need you to do for me.” 

“What is it?” 

“Can you drive? My right hand is killing me.” 

                                                °•. �� .•°

“Why couldn’t you just buy it?” Katniss whined.

“Because I actually enjoy baking. You should know this already.” Peeta chuckled as he handled the mixer. After a few more turns, it seemed everything was ready. “I just need to flour the containers now.” Peeta patted his hands on his apron and went back to the pantry. 

Katniss took her chance. 

She slowly inched her hand forward, her eyes not leaving Peeta’s back, just in case. 

Two more inches and-

“I swear, Katniss, if you’re reaching for that dough I won’t make any cheese buns for a week.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” she exclaimed, shocked. That wasn’t fair! Peeta hadn’t even turned around, but he knew what she had been about to do. 

“Try me, love.” He then approached the table again, watching a grumbling Katniss cross her arms. “You know you can’t have raw dough while pregnant.”

“That’s a stupid rule. I bet it’s invented. How did women manage centuries ago, then?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. They sometimes died intoxicated, so no biggie.” Peeta was serious now. 

“I wouldn’t die over a bit of dough…” She said it under her breath, but he heard.

Peeta sighed, and Katniss felt a pang of regret. Damn him. “Katniss, do we really have to discuss this again? It’s Thanksgiving, and I’d bet my bank account Aunt Martha would come down here and force you to go to the party if you weren’t so-” 

“Go on, finish what you were going to say.” Katniss knew she was so big she might be in need of her own postal code. 

“-tired. You’re carrying twins, and that’s not an easy feat. The only thing she asked for was the pumpkin pie with maple whipped cream.”

“Every fucking year.” 

“She indulges during the holiday.”

“Why not just get one from the bakery?”

“She wants it fresh.” 

“Why doesn’t she come down here and get it herself?”

“You really want your Aunt Martha here? Right now? Today?”

“…No.” Why did Peeta have to be so logical? 

“I know you’re crabby and your feet are probably swelling. Let me put this in the oven, and then I’ll massage them with some of that lavender cream your mother gave you.” 

“And a bath.”

“A massage and a bath, you got it.” 

Peeta, of course, fulfilled his promise and left Katniss so relaxed she fell asleep and didn’t even notice her husband had gone and come back from the Everdeen’s annual Thanksgiving gathering. 

By the time she opened her eyes, he was sitting next to her, reading a book. 

“Hey…did you all get a proper rest?” Peeta put a hand on her belly, smiling. 

“I think so, yeah; they just started moving.” 

“I can feel. Here, let me help you up.” Peeta’s strength was no joke. He could single-handedly lift her up, yes, even when she felt like a whale, and prop her on the bed so she could sit comfortably. “That okay?” 

“Yes, perfect.” 

“Happy anniversary, love.” He presented her with a huge cheese bun, making her laugh.

“Peeta, just because we fucked for the first time four years ago today, doesn’t mean it’s an anniversary.”

“For me it is! Come on, I bet you didn’t think we’d end up doing it in the bathroom that night.” 

“I seriously didn’t.”

“But here we are, and that’s all that matters.” 

Her husband really was the cheesiest person alive, but she secretly adored that part of him. 

“Shut up and let me enjoy my cheese bun.”

“Your wish is my command.” 

[dreaminpeaches]

New Paracosm AU: Big Hero Beau

@decaykid yes, kind of...

Okay, like I said in my last post this idea came to me after listening to Fist Pump and Viva Namida on loop with pacing.

So you know like how the original Humble Pie paracosm is very western horror kind of drama, yeah? well, this paracosm is just full on ANIME BBY!!! I'm talking Space Dandy, I'm talkin' Gurren Lagann, I'm talkin maybe a little bit of Trigun, and also takes alot from action rpgs like Bayonetta, Devil May Cry, Persona, Viewitful Joe, and Wonderful 101 (but its like only two people), and takes alot from Sonic the hedgehog (mostly Sonic Underground, Sonic Adventure 2, and Sonic Forces), and little bit from Fancy Pants ( that's not an anime or a "real" video game, its just an old flash game I used to hyperfixate on).

This paracosm is completely different which is why I gave it, it's own name instead of just adjective then "!"

This version of Beau takes a lot of inspiration from Dandy ( Space Dandy), Vash The Stampede (Trigun), Sonic The Hedgehog (Sonic The Hedgehog), and Kamina (Gurren Langann)

In this paracosm, both of Beau's parents perished in a tragic accident, Beau takes his siblings to an abandoned shack and they hide out and live out there. the tragedy this motivative Beau to become stronger and a hero, not only to keep his siblings safe but others too. The last thing his mom told him was that his smile could save a thousand lives, so because of that he always keeps an upbeat, go get 'em attitude, and he doesn't want to bum his younger siblings out. His mom also gave Beau her heart shape locket before she passed on, so Beau has worn it ever since that day.

The locket is very precious to him, he doesn't let anyone touch it (other than his siblings), and if he loses it he'll go into a panic attack and can't do anything else until he finds it again.

Dev, Beau's little brother, also wants to be strong and a hero, he tries to train like his brother but he can't keep up. Beau tells Dev that he has to be strong in his own way, so Dev decides to put his tech skills to good use and make his older brother cool weapons for him to use. I forgot to mention in this paracosm some people are born with superpowers and such, and Beau's superpowers are super strength and speed, while Dev's superpower is super intelligence.

Dev can't keep up with his brother on foot, so he made himself a jetpack to keep up, and makes science weapons for himself to use.

In this paracosm, there are evil robots, pirates, bandits, ninjas, demons, fallen angels, giant spiders, bad guys who kidnap pretty people, any enemy you would find in a video game or anime yeah it's probably here. So, there's always something for Beau and Dev to fight or someone to save from something.

Beau and Dev don't have secret identities since superpowered people are common but they get to have a pretty rad transformation scene activate when they fist bump each other.

Beau fighting style is similar to that of a hack and slack fighting game, Beau mostly use his fists to fight and his speed, he'll also use guns too, but he'll only use swords if he thinks he can pull off a cool move, since not really experience using them that much. Dev made Beau special gloves and boots that make the attack range of his hit larger so its easier to take out hoards of stuff like robots (which happens lot) and big enemies like giant monsters.

His boots are also guns so its like....

Oh, and Beau also makes sure that he always looks cool when fighting just in case someone takes a pic (which happens alot). Unlike Bayonetta, Beau is more playful with his posing rather than sexy.

Dev's wits come in handy when the two come across puzzles, riddles, or finding a way out of traps on their adventures since Beau didn't complete school once his parents passed and mostly focus on raising his siblings and hero training.

Much like Sonic, Beau is very snarky and witty while fighting his enemies (or at least tries to be), he always tries to make a snarky comment or a really cool zinger before finishing off his enemy. Due to his kind of being not the sharpest tool in the shed, it can take a while for him to come up with a good zinger, so it kind of stalls fights, and sometimes it gets to the point where the enemy is just like "Oh my GOD! just KILL ME!", this also annoys and embarrasses Dev too at times.

Beau makes money from bounties and doing odd jobs around, he makes enough for his siblings to live comfortably, but there are times where he'll go hungry because he only has enough for Dev and Carrie to eat. Beau is still a kind of a lower-level hero compare to the other well know ones around.

Dev has also made a rocket ship so they can fight intergalactically on other planets

Carrie in this paracosm is still 4 years old, she has yet to show any signs of having powers, which is pretty normal for her age since people in this world don't show powers until they hit their pre-teen years.

Beau will take Carrie on their adventures if it's safe enough, but if the mission is too dangerous Beau will take her to the nearest daycare or the nearest trustworthy femme person. Beau will try to make the mission or fight end quickly as possible if he left Carrie with a stranger, there's a sigh of relief once he finds her safe, if not (which doesn't happen a lot thankfully), well somebody gonna die and Beau tries to make it up to her by spending the next few days with her, just him and Carrie.

Beau tries to put being a good guardian/older brother before being a hero and tries his best to spend as much time with Carrie and Dev as possible on chiller/lower stakes days.

Beau had never had time to really process the feeling of losing his parents, there are days where he feels down but he never lets it show around his siblings or have it affect his hero work. There are nights where those memories keep him up, sometimes he'll cry but still try to smile thru the tears.

Beau likes to give peps talks to himself in the mirror, and pep talks to Dev, when he's feeling discouraged, although most of the time those pep talks don't really make any sense Dev still appreciate his brother's kind words.

Since Beau saves people, he interacts a lot with damsels in distress, he flirts with them, but usually gets rejected for coming across as too cheesy or cocky. He doesn't really mind it tho, he actually finds it funny, but when a lady actually flirts back he gets really flustered and has to leave immediately. Despite this Beau still tries to give Dev advice on talking to girls.

Beau still smokes and drinks because the stress of having to raise young siblings, dealing with trauma, and being a hero can be alot, but he still makes sure his siblings don't see him and he doesn't get too wasted.

Other than hero stuff, Hero! Beau enjoys reading comics, parkour, skateboarding, break dancing (which he incorporates in his fighting for some really cool finishers), practicing cool poses and phrases, playing video games with his little brother, and watching barbie movies with his little sisters (since Barbie reminds him of his mom).

Oof, I think that's all I got for now....

TL;DL Basically if this version of Beau is Sonic the original Beau is more like Shadow if that makes any sense.

[tvmblrdothailey]

Bnha x trans woman reader

A/N: I decided to write an x reader where the reader is a trans woman. To any trans woman reading this I just want you to know thAT I FŪCKING LOVE YOU💙💖🤍💖💙🥰😘🥰😘🥰😘 YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL LITERALLY FIGHT ANYONE WHO HURTS YOU.

Warning: Cursing, Transphobia, mentions of Sex Reassignment Surgery, Gender Dysphoria. Karen

(Y/N): Your name

(D/N): Your dead name

Summary: It took a while for your parents to accept you for who you are, you just hoped your classmates and teachers would accept you as well.

- Before the first day, you had recieved your school uniform, but it turned out to be a mens uniform. To which you had to “politely” ask them to send you the correct uniform.

- Once you made it to class you were immediently introduced to a green haired male who you’d later find out was named Izuku. Then you met Uraraka, Iida, Asui, etc.

- Eveything was going well until your teacher showed up and immediently had you all sent to change into P.E uniforms.

- It wasn’t the uniform that was the problem, it was the fact that none of them knew you were trans and had to share a changing room with other woman. And even though they seemed friendly at first, you still were unsure how’d they react.

- In the past you had to learn the hard way that a smile can really hide someones true colors and that not all people are willing to accept you for who you are and not what you are.

- It’s worth noting that you havent had Sex Reassignment Surgery yet, because you couldnt afford it. (You did take medication though)

- And even though you were generally confident about your Gender, you still had your moments where you started to doubt yourself abd even questioned if you were a real woman (WHICH YOU FRICKING ARE OKAY!!! 😤💙🤍💖)

- Once you were in the womans lockerroom, you tried your best to find a place where you could change without any of them seeing you. So far it was going good until Uraraka came looking for you. She blushed and in a panic you told her you were a trans woman.

- You froze for a few seconds before hearing Uraraka’s voice “Oh...okay, well just so you know, I think you’re a very beautiful woman!” My god you had to hold back from giving Uraraka a hug right then and there.

- Later down the line you had come out to the rest of the girls as a Trans woman, to which they all responded with hugs and affection.

- “We don’t care if you’re trans, you’re still the same (Y/N) we know and love.” -Hagakure

- “It doesnt matter whats in your pants, if you identify as a woman, then you’re a woman.” - Jirou

- “I am literally pink, and you think I’d judge you because of your gender? Hell nah, get over here and let me love you!” - Mina

- “If anyone tells you otherwise you come to me and I will have a “friendly” chat with them.” -Momo

- “Ribbit, You’ll always be our friend (Y/N), no matter what.” -Tsu

- They would die for you

- With the help of the other girls, you eventually came out to Aizawa, and he promised that you would be treated the same just as any other student. And if anyone gives you any problems you bring it to him for him to deal with. (Protective dad tm)

- Eventually the entire class knew and you felt the biggest weight fall of your shoulders.

- “It does’nt matter, you’re still (L/N) (Y/N). And we all care about you. 💚” -Izuku

- “I don’t give a damn about your gender! So stop it with that self-concious shit.” -Bakugo. Although his words may seem harsh, he really cares about you and is willing to blow up any wall, building or mountain to chase away any Dysphoria you may have.

- You had to exaplain it a couple of times for Todoroki since he was never educated about that kind of stuff, but once he got it he immediently replied “I didn’t know people could do that. Thank you for telling me, and I’ll do everything I can to support you.” 🤍❤️

- Of cource there were going to be some students who felt the need to belittle you...

- One time in the Caffiteria, Monoma had walked up to your table and desided that today would be the day he would be the biggest dick in the world

- “It’s shocking how people say Class 1A is one of the hardest courses to get into, yet they let someone like you in.” He said

- You looked at him “Excuse me?”

- “I’m just saying when you think about it scientifically, you’re still a man no m- “ Monoma didn’t get to finish his sentence before Kendo slapped him, knocking him out cold.

- “Hey, sorry about him (Y/N). I knew he was low but I didn’t think he was that low.” She then smiled at you “Don’t listen to him, he’s just desperate to finding ways to make his class seem better because of some imaginary rivalry that’s only exist in his head. Anyway, I need to take him to Recovery girl to get his brains checked, but I’ll see you later!”

- Kendo was the best, and she made sure that Monoma got a stern lecture from Vlad later that day.

- Then there was the Mall incident, when the class was going on a trip to the mall to buy supplies for Summer training camp, but then you ran into an Ex friend.

- Emphasis on the word EX

- “(D/N)?” They said. To which you froze, you recgonized that voice anywhere and you could already tell that this conversation wasn’t going to be friendly.

- You slowly turned around “Hey Karen...” She didnt look that diffrent, fake nails, fake jewlery, fake personality...what?

- “Why are you dressed like a woman?” She said.

- You groaned before responding “Because I am a woman, Karen.” You tried to walk away from her in order to avoid confrontation, the last thing you needed were hundreds of eyes on you. You made a note to yourself to come back tommorow when you would’nt have to deal with her. But you’re taken out of your thoughts as you feel someone grab your shoulder and spin you around.

- “Do you think it’s funny? To make fun of mental illness?” She said.

- There was a point in time when Karens words didnt offend you anymore, they just frustrated you because of how dumb and ignorant she sounded.

- “Karen, I have told you multiple times that I am a woman, I am not mentally ill, I am human. I get that it might be confusing for you but it’s not for me. I am happy the way I am okay?”

- “You’re the one that’s confused. You think you’re a girl but you’re a boy no matter what? That’s just how the human body works.” She shot back. At this point multiple eyes were already on you two. Some looked uncomftorable, others look confused and then there were a few that looked disgusted. Just a few people had the power to send Dysphoria crawling back into your mind.

- You started to hear fast footsteps before hearing “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY YOU BOOTLEG BARBIE BITCH?!”

- Oh hey bakugo (we’re gonna pretend him, Kiri and Shoto came along aight)

- “Bakugo, It is unacceptable to call a woman by such a deragatory term! Even though she was being rude to (Y/N) there are better ways to-“ Iida was cut off by Bakugo

- “SHUT THE HELL UP FOUR EYES!” Kiri then had to hold bakugo back while Todoroki and Uraraka steped in between you and Karen.

- “Don’t ever talk to our friend like that, she is more of a woman than you’ll ever be. I’d suggest that you walk away right now, our friend can only hold back Bakugo for so long.” Todoroki said

- Uraraka helped calm your nerves and whispered to you “Don’t listen to her, she’s just jealous because you can wear a dress better than her.”

- AIGHT, now the training camp.

- During the training camp, Tiger had not only helped you get stronger, but also helped scare away any Gender Dysphoria that remained inside your head.

- “Don’t ever let peoples harsh words get to you! You are doing this for yourself and that’s what matters!” He said

- When it was time to take a bath, you didn’t hesitate to get into the hot springs. The encouraging words Tiger gave you along with the constant support of your friends had made you feel safe and happy. You could’nt ask for better friends.

Bonus:

* IF YOU DO NOT PLAN ON HAVING SEX REASSIGNMENT SURGERY THEN YOU CAN IGNORE THIS PART

- One moment that stuck out was when momo dropped the question “Hey (Y/N), you dont have to awnser this but I was wondering, why have’nt you gone through Sex Reassignment Surgery? Are you not comftorble with it or...?”

- “Oh, I just dont have the money for it.” You responded

-Way way later on.

- your birthday was finally around the corner

- On the big day you woke up to your friends Uraraka and Midoriya at your door and they dragged you to the main room where the rest of the class along with Mr. Aizawa were.

- You noticed a large envelope on the coffe table and they looked at you before Hagakure urged you to open it.

- When you did you found two gifts, one was a shirt

- And the other was a smaller envelope with the words Class 1A written on the back. You opened the envelope and pulled out a card and opened it to which a small keychain fell out that said “trans woman are real woman” and if that wasn’t wholesome enough...

- You looked inside the card but before you could begin reading Aizawa interupted and asked you to read it outloud.

- “Dear (Y/N), words can not describe how wonderful you are, how brave, how strong, or how amazing of a person and classmate you are. We all love you! When you came out to us as a transwoman, we all immediently wanted to make sure you knew you were valid and loved. It’s come to our attention that you haven’t had sex reassignment surgery because you are unable to afford it. So we banded together and decided we would help pay for your surgery-“ you couldn’t finish as you were allready in tears and you looked at Aizawa and the rest of the class to confirm that they were not messing with you.

- “I’ve already talked with your parents all you have to do is set up an appointment and all that fun stuff.” Aizawa said.

- Your tears turned into water falls and your classmates all went to give you hugs and affection. You thanked each of them through your tears of joy and hiccups.

- Definitely a Birthday that would be remembered.

TUMBLR DESITED TO DELETE 65% OF THIS POST THAT I POURED MY HEART AND SOUL INTO 😭

[dc41896]

Goodbyes

So a little tidbit about me, I frequently have weird dreams and this imagine is the product of one involving a guy using a funny yet random pickup line on me mixed in with inspo from the adorable video of Mr. Evans reading the children’s book. Hope you guys like it! 😂

Pairing: Chris EvansxBlack Reader

⚠️: None💕!

“And so, Princess Jasmine and Prince Aladdin got married in the palace, with everyone in the city in attendance and lived happily ever after. The end,” Chris smiles closing the book.

“Another story please!,” your six year old daughter, Lori, asks lightly tugging her father’s arm beside her.

“I don’t know peanut, it’s already pass your bedtime and I don’t want you to get in trouble or miss your sleep.”

“Pleaseee??? Pretty please with cherries???”

Just like her mom, Chris was wrapped around his daughter’s finger so tight he’d probably try to buy the moon if she said she wanted it. And the moment she looked up at him with those big brown eyes, similar to yours, he felt his world stop and felt as if he was on cloud nine.

“Oh man, how could I say no to pretty please with cherries?,” he answers tickling her side and causing an eruption of giggles. “Ok one last story but then you have to go to bed.”

“Deal,” she said nodding her head before snuggling up closer to him while holding her tiger stuffed animal.

“Any requests? We haven’t read about Barbie in a while or Dr. Seuss?”

“Daddy how did you meet mommy?”

“Ohh that’s a good story! Let’s see it all started at a party uncle Mackie was having,” he started just as Lori’s room door opened to reveal you holding some of her freshly washed and folded clothes.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt story time. I’ll put these up and then be out of the way,” you smile, slightly holding up your hand to excuse yourself as you make your way to her wooden dresser.

“You can stay mommy! Daddy’s telling another story about how you met!,” she excitedly reveals sitting up in her bed before realizing exactly what she said. “Oops...”

“It’s ok sweetie, I’ll allow a two story night tonight since daddy’s back home,” you softly laugh watching her snuggle back into his side. “So what did I miss?”

“Nothing much, I just started,” Chris answers as you sit on the other side.

“So uncle Mackie was throwing a party and all our friends were there eating and playing games. We were standing in the kitchen talking when all of a sudden he looks towards the door and he gets so excited that his eyes go wide.”

Copying his expression, Lori giggles at the funny look on Chris’ face followed by one of her signature adorable snorts. “What was it daddy?!”

“I wondered the same thing! Then uncle Mackie jogged to the door and returned with the most beautiful, gorgeous, stunning woman I had ever seen, your mom,” he answers, smiling at you with those clear blue eyes that could always make your heart race.

“He told me how they were close friends from high school and I had to meet her and see for myself how amazing she was. So he brought her and auntie Sky into the kitchen since she came with her.”

“Auntie Sky was there too?!”

“Yep pretty much all your uncles and aunts were there! Mackie said that he wanted to throw the biggest party of all time,” you softly laugh remembering how excited he was the day he told you about it.

“Oh how did mommy look daddy?! Was she like a princess?”

“She was prettier than a princess! She had long braids with some over her shoulder and her outfit?! I wish you could’ve seen her peanut.”

“Did she have on a long dress?! With glitter and sparkles?!”

“No she didn’t have on a dress, but she had on a light blue flowy button up that was slightly tucked in with her jeans and white sneakers.”

“Yea love, my outfit was very casual and nothing like what a princess would wear. Daddy’s just being a tad dramatic.”

“Don’t listen to her Lori, mommy had all eyes on her as soon as she walked in. A few other guys there wanted to talk to her too.”

“I can imagine mommy, and you look really pretty!,” she smiles switching from her father’s side to yours.

“Aww thank you sweetie!”

“But you know what stood out the most to me about your mom? Her eyes. It’s like they lit up the room more than any lightbulb could from how bright they were, and hypnotized you so that you never wanted to look away from them.”

“Like in Aladdin?”

“Similar, but a good type of hypnotize that left me feeling warm and happy,” he smiles.

“So your uncle finally introduces us and I’ll admit I was nervous, but I tried to keep calm to not lose my chance. We talked and laughed the whole night until it was time to go. I asked for her number and gave her mine and then the rest is history,” he finishes, booping Lori on the nose and making her smile.

“Um Chris, you forgot about an important part,” you smirk, arms crossed in front of you. You knew why he didn’t want to share the part, but it was a vital piece of the story that needed to be said.

“Oh that small part isn’t important,” he nervously laughs moving to stand up before Lori pulled him back down to the bed.

“Mm I’d say it is,” you lightly laugh as your daughter turns her attention to you, anxiously waiting to hear what this other part is.

“So mommy and daddy talked for a while before uncle Mackie wanted to introduce me to other people there. He asked if it was ok to take my away for awhile and daddy said yes so we said goodbye.”

“As I was talking to another person, your dad decides to come up and he hugs me saying how he’s leaving so again, we say goodbye and I go back to my conversation. Of course there’s nothing weird about this, but he did it 4 more times whenever I was talking to other people!”

“Daddy that sounds weird!,” she giggles, Chris’s ears and neck becoming red from his impending embarrassment.

“I was trying to do something to stand out so mommy wouldn’t forget me.”

“And I can say it definitely worked,” you laugh. “Before I left I see him still hanging around so I go up to him and ask him why he told me bye so many times. His answer was that he wanted me to get so annoyed with him saying goodbye that I’d never want to to hear him say it to me again, thus he’d never be able to leave me.”

“I’ll admit it sounded better in my head than when I actually said it out loud,” he chuckles rubbing his hand over his buzzcut hair.

“Well although it might’ve been a weird idea, it worked because it made me laugh and we talked even more until we had to go. And that is the story of how your dad and I met,” you finish, looking down to see your daughter asleep and holding onto her tiger as she softly breathed in and out.

“At least she was awake for the main points,” Chris quietly chuckles, leaning down to kiss her cheek followed by you doing the same.

Walking out her room and making sure to softly close the door to not wake her, you laugh to yourself as Chris follows behind to your bedroom.

“What’s so funny? Still thinking of my dumb line?,” he smiles as he sits at the foot of the bed.

“Yea I’m laughing at the line, but mostly at what Mackie said before he introduced us.”

“He warned you I was gonna do something dumb didn’t he?,” he asks making you laugh even harder as you move to stand between his legs in front of him and wrap your arms around his neck.

“No, he actually told me to not be surprised if I met my husband that night and sure enough I did.”

Smiling with rosy cheeks, he stands up placing one of his strong arms around your waist before deeply kissing your lips.

“Also I was thinking of how everytime you say bye I immediately think of that night,” you laugh making Chris playfully roll his eyes as he brings you down on the bed with him.

Taglist: @crushed-pink-petals @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @lovelymari4 @melinda-january @themyscxiras @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @itshinothey @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover

If anybody wants to be added to the taglist, has asked to be added but don’t see your name, only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for, or no longer wish to be tagged let me know🤓!

[yikesharringrove]

I'm loving Mango! I actually had a idea of someone they know (maybe Carol? Or Jon? or any of the kids, etc go wild tbh) is under a lot of pressure, maybe blatant sexism "just because they care" for them to have a pup? And its causing a lot of strain and they come to Steve and billy for help and they're just immediately supportive! Like having a kid is HARD even one like Mango, they're still valid if they dont want kids, it's their life. Esp cuz both boys know what it's like to be a unwanted kid

Masterlist

Part 19

-

Mina was at the door, trying to reach for the doorknob and let in their guests.

“Watch out Mango.” She moved to allow Steve to open the door.

Tommy and Carol were in San Diego for the week, came to visit some of Tommy’s family, and check in on Steve, Billy, and Mina for a few days.

They settled down in the living area, Mina playing on the floor. She had given Tommy a stuffed bear and Carol a blue blanket, had taken to giving all of their guests their own little item.

“I haven’t seen her in so long. She’s like a whole person now.” She was playing with a few Barbie dolls, loved playing with their long hair. Steve kept his at his shoulders these days, it helped her with tantrums when she could run chubby fingers through them.

Her hair grew so fast, was halfway down her back. Steve would do it immaculately every morning before she went to preschool for a few hours.

“God I know. It feels like I’ve blinked and now she’s fully grown. She’s going to preschool for three hours in the morning, just to get her used to school and other kids and stuff.” That had been a big decision. Steve usually spent time with her on the weekdays, didn’t want to have her school taking up their time together. But then Billy brought up socialization, that going to school would be good for her, and Steve could not say no.

“What are you two getting up to these days? You old and boring yet?” Tommy smirked at them.

“Oh, yeah we are. Steve got his GED and his working the desk part time at an animal shelter. I found a garage here and am going to school and stuff. What’s good back in Chicago?”

They had moved just after Mina was born, both going to school in the city.

“Just school and shit. Well, and this.” Carol held out her hand, had a simple diamond ring on her left forefinger. “We bonded in September, and we’re getting married in April! We’re gonna have a big wedding in Hawkins!” Steve made an excited noise, standing up to hug Carol tightly.

“I think we have champagne in the fridge...” Billy was digging through, found a bottle that was probably as old Mina. He popped it, made her shriek at the noise, climb up into Steve’s lap.

They sat together for the evening, talking and laughing. Billy excused himself to put Mina to bed, had to spend about ten minutes chasing her around, fully naked while he sighed a lot, trying to shove her into pajamas. Steve just laughed from the couch.

“So, listen. With getting married and bonding and everything, we’re getting, I don’t know, like a lot of pressure to have pup.” Billy joined them on the couch, Mina asleep in her bed. “And we’ve talked, and, neither of us really want to have one.” Tommy looked sheepish as he spoke. “You’re the only people our age we know with a pup, and just wanted to, pick your brains I guess.”

“Look, I love Mango, and wouldn’t change our life for the fucking world at this point, but kids are hard. I mean, she’s overall pretty good, but she has her moments.”

“Oh, those first few months when she would just cry, and I thought maybe she was in pain or something, and would just have meltdowns alongside her.”

“I must’ve come home to find Steve crying on the floor, saying that he’s a bad father at least three times a week for the first two months. I love the garbage out of her, put it’s a lot of work.”

“Well, and although she was definitely an accident, we both knew we wanted to have kids at some point. We made it work because we wanted to. If you don’t want to, don’t do it. We were both unwanted kids, and it fucking sucked.”

“You’re good people, if you had one, you’d learn to love it, by why bother. If you’re happy just the two of you, be happy. Tell everyone else to fuck off.”

“Mina is my favorite thing on this planet, but she stresses me the fuck out sometimes. It’s all worth it, because I’ve wanted pups since I was one, but it may not all be worth it to you, and that’s fine. Maybe later you both decided you do  want pups, maybe you don’t. Either way, it’s up to you.”

“Sorry, do you love Mina more than you love me?” Steve turned to Billy, raising an eyebrow.

“She lived inside of me for nine months. Of course I love her more than you.” Billy threw his head back and laughed.

“Honestly, Tommy was worried you two would try and talk us into having a pup.”

“Well, it’s like Stevie said, we both know what it’s like to grow up with parents that didn’t want you. It really fucked us up. I’m not saying you two would become abusive, if you did have an accident pup, but trying to have a pup because it’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t the right way to do it.”

“That makes a lot of sense.” Tommy sat back. “It’s really nice to hear that from people that have one.”

“Plus, kids make you boring as fuck. We go to bed at like, nine thirty.” Steve laughed, slapping Billy’s chest.

-

Carol and Tommy went back to their hotel just after midnight, had helped Steve and Billy clean up the hors d'oeuvres they had put out.

“I’m glad they’re being thoughtful about this, not just throwing caution to the wind and having a pup.” Steve was standing in the doorway to their bathroom, was putting moisturizer on his face.

“It was kinda funny when they said they didn’t want pups. Could you actually imagine those two as parents? Not saying we’re perfect, or anything, but just like, imagine.” Steve crawled into bed, shoving his way into Billy’s space.

“Remember when we talked about having another one, eventually?” Billy’s heart began to thud in his chest.

“Yeah...” Steve was quiet for a moment.

“I’m pregnant again.”

[loveforpreserumsteve]

Those Who Fall: “APTF” Story (Modern Domestic Stucky AU)

Two:

"Sophia has swim practice at five," Steve reminded Bucky, stirring lukewarm rice cereal for Holly.  "And I can't be there because I have parent-teacher conferences, so I really need you to be there."

"Swim practice at five," Bucky repeated, pouring brownie flavored coffee into Steve's thermos for him, "Got it. I'll be there."

Steve nodded and started feeding the ten month old. Around a mouthful of scrambled eggs and lightly burnt toast, their oldest, Luke said, "Remember, marching band doesn't get over until seven tonight because we're getting ready for Homecoming."

"Shoot! That's right," Steve momentarily set down the small bowl of baby food and grabbed the stack of ghost shaped post-it notes by the fridge and wrote a reminder for himself. Making sure that he wouldn't forget, he stuck it to his phone, and then got back to feeding the sassiest of the bunch.

Inadvertently making a funny face as he fed the baby, by opening his own mouth in hopes that she'd open hers. Most times, she did. When a mess happened, he used the spoon to collect the mush off her light pink-white face and told Luke, "I'll swing by to pick you up after I'm done with conferences."

"That's okay," the teen exclaimed just a little too quickly to not be suspicious. Wiping his mouth on the back of his dark olive-brown hand, he clunkily recovered, "I have a ride."

"You do?" Bucky asked, brows quirked high on his forehead. Steve turned around to exchange a look with Bucky while Luke nodded his confirmation and Bucky questioned, "Who?"

"Oh, uh," a red tint started to color his still childish-chubby cheeks and he looked everywhere but at either of his dads, "Just some friends. Other band kids."

"Stacy," Sophia sing-songed while she pushed her choppy black bangs away from her almond shaped eyes.

"That's not even her name," Luke glared at the eight year old and sneered under his breath, "Shut up!"

Sophia's mouth dropped open and she instantly tattled, "Daddy, Luke told me to shut up!"

"Shut up!" Luke said, louder, with wide eyes.

"Daddy, Luke told me --"

"Shut up!" Ethan, their six year old foster son, copied his idol, the older boy.

"Daddy, Ethan --"

"Luke, don't tell your sister to, 'shut up.'" Bucky reprimanded around a mouthful of eggs, "Ethan, don't copy your older brother. Especially when he's saying a No-No Phrase."

Luke rolled his eyes at that, but didn't say anything. Instead he stood from the island and brought his plate around to the sink. Rinsing it first, he set it in the dishwasher before making his way back upstairs to his room. Steve glanced at the clock to check the time.

Once Holly started getting fussy and made a mess because she wasn't hungry anymore, Steve decided that it was time for him to get the rest of the kids ready. Setting the half-full bowl in the sink, Steve wiped her round face, and noted the way her bottom lip was quivering.

As Steve lifted her from the high chair, Bucky noticed it too and playfully pretended as though he was going to eat her tiny hand. Instantly, Holly giggled and Steve pressed a sweet kiss to Bucky's cheek. Of course, that caused the eight year old and six year old still at the island to mock gags while they complained about the PDA.

Playfully rolling his eyes, Steve shook his head and carried the baby upstairs. Passing the kids' bathroom, Steve noticed Luke digging through the drawers as he looked for something. Switching Holly to his other hip, Steve paused at the open door.

"Need help?" Steve asked.

Sighing, the fifteen year old stood upright and threw his head back as he explained, "I can't find my sponge."

"Well," Steve thought for a moment. But Steve didn't get a lot of sleep and he had a fussy baby on his hip, "Maybe it's in your room."

"It's not going to --"

"Just look, please?" Steve interrupted. Switching hips again, Steve assured, "As soon as I get Holly dressed, I'll help look for it. Okay?"

Although he wasn't happy about it, he still agreed. Nodding, he exited the bathroom and into his bedroom. Not wanting to take too long dilly dallying, Steve entered Holly's room and immediately changed her out of her footie pajamas. Since it was October, Steve decided on an appropriate outfit. Black leggings dotted with metallic gold pumpkins and a matching white sweater with a large metallic gold pumpkin on the front.

"Let's go help bub!" Steve exaggerated as he placed the ten month old on his hip once more and carried her into the bathroom.

Rummaging through the vanity drawers, Steve looked underneath hairbrushes and combs and wondered why the hell they had so many when only four children were currently living with them. Looked underneath the bows and scrunchies, and extra toothbrushes. Nothing. Nada. The sponge wasn't there.

"Did you find it?"

Turning around to find the hopeful teen, Steve's shoulders slumped and he shook his head. "Sorry, bud." Trying to think of where it could be, he asked, "Have you checked in the downstairs bathroom?"

"No," Luke sighed and turned to walk downstairs. Under his breath, he muttered, "Why would it be in the downstairs bathroom?"

Sighing himself, Steve kissed Holly's temple and finger combed her wild red curls. Heading back downstairs, Sophia passed him on the staircase. On a whim, Steve stopped her and asked, "Have you seen Luke's sponge?"

A glimpse of guilt flashed across her expression as she shrugged and went to run upstairs. Steve narrowed his eyes suspiciously and backtracked up the steps. Following his daughter to her room and simply standing there in the open doorway as he repeated, "Have you see Luke's sponge?"

The way that Sophia purposely didn't look at him was answer enough. With a sigh, he said, "I need you to give it back."

"But then Barbie won't have a bed!" Sophia argued, her thin lower lip pouting while she stomped her foot.

"Barbie already has a bed, it's attached to the cottage's wall," Steve answered walking into the bedroom. Bypassing the two spare beds to reach the blue Barbie Dream Cottage. Only, he didn't find it.

Straightening up, Steve quirked a brow at her, and she pointed over to the aisle between two of the beds. Sheepishly, she clarified, "Barbie went camping."

Despite himself, he couldn't help the grin stretch at his lips as he set Holly on the floor and got down to his hands and knees. Under the bed, a miniature pink and purple tent was set up. Lifting it, he found the black Barbie doll, "sleeping," on the large sponge. Specifically on the egg carton foam-like side, which Steve found amusing.

"No," Sophia said.

Standing up, Steve watched as Sophia tried to keep Holly from leaving the bedroom. Although she had nothing to worry about with the baby gate at the top of the stairs, it warmed Steve's heart to see that she did care. Especially with the way she was when she came to live with them two and a half years ago. It filled Steve up with love seeing that growth.

"Pops! Did you find --" Cutting himself off, Luke's eyes were trained on the sponge and then they glared at his sister, "I told you to keep your hands off my stuff!"

"But Barbie needed a bed!" Sophia argued as though it made perfect sense.

"You can't just take things that aren't yours!"

"Papa!" Sophia whined.

Lifting Holly into his arms once more, Steve shook his head and confirmed, "It's not nice to take things that aren't yours without asking. How would you feel if Ethan took your Barbie?"

Sighing Sophia got it, and she said, "Sorry, Luke."

As Steve handed the sponge to Luke, he lifted brows expectantly and gave the eight year old a pointed look. Rolling his eyes, Luke sighed, "It's okay."

Steve simply shook his head. Luke was already rubbing the sponge along his hair in circular motions. Creating twists and defined curls as he entered the bathroom. Sophia followed after him and he helpfully handed her, her glittery purple Little Mermaid brush. Although they fought more often than not, Steve wouldn't trade it for anything. The little moments when they got along was everything to Steve.

[ladyofmercy]

Once I was 7 Years Old || Samcedes

Who: 7 year old Mercedes Jones and Sam Evans

What: Mercedes moves into her new home and meets her new neighbor Sam.

Where: Mercedes Jones home in Baltimore, MD

Notes: None

@thelegendevans

Mercedes Jones stared at her new room. When her parents told her that they would be moving and she would be starting a new school, she was excited but also nervous. She didn’t know anyone and First Grade was scary enough without having to be the only new kid in class. Moving towards her huge bay window, she glanced out, looking across into the house next door and seeing someone staring back at her. Shutting the curtain’s quickly she panicked, only to open then again seeing a little blonde boy staring at her. 

Sam was playing with his Power Rangers set, happy that it didn't get damaged during the move. Even though they moved here a few weeks ago, there were boxes everywhere. His mom was pregnant with his little brother and sister so she couldn't move around much or get to the boxes. His dad started his new job right away so he didn't have time to unpack either. The Power Rangers were easy to get because they were in his little book bag. And although he loved them, he wished his other toys were unpacked. As he was playing he noticed movement in the house next to his. He saw a little kid that looked like his age. His eyes lit up as he went to ask his mom if he could play outside. At her nod, he ran outside and went to the window where the girl was and knocked. He hoped she like Power Rangers.

Mercedes shut the curtain when he ran out of the room and shook her head. He was hyper. She went to her bed. Her lavender room was complemented with her white lace canopy bed. She grabbed her barbie, still waiting for her dad to bring up her barbie dream house when she heard a knock on her window. Walking to it she smiled seeing the boy. "Hi." She said, chubby cheeks cheesing and showing her missing front teeth.

Sam’s smile widened when the girl came to the window. “Hi!, I’m Sam. Sam, I am, and I don’t like green eggs and ham!” Sam hoped she found him funny. He worked on that opening all week with his mother. She assured him that it would help him make friends faster. “Do you want to be my friend? We can play with my Power Rangers set. I have all of them. The green ranger is my favorite.” Sam smiled and tried to remember to let her talk, but he was too excited.

Mercedes eyed him as he talked. He talked fast. But his joke made her laugh. "Dr. Sueuss. I love to read." She held up her black barbie. "This is my favorite toy her name is Michelle and she is a doctor. Maybe she can heal the green power ranger if he is sick."

Sam frowned. “The green ranger doesn’t get sick. He’s super strong.” He emphasized by pointing to the green power ranger’s muscle. “Anyway, do you want to play with me?”

Mercedes rolled her eyes. “Everyone gets sick!” She said smartly. “Poppa said so and he knows everything.” She opened her window wider. “You wanna swing? My uncle just helped put up the swing in the back.”

Sam didn’t care what her father said, Power Rangers didn’t get sick. “Yea, we can swing, I’ll push you first, and then you push me. Do you have a tire swing? That’s my favorite.” Sam waited for her to climb out the window before following her to the swing set. He couldn’t wait for his parents to set up his swing set.

Mercedes ran to her door. “I’m going out back!!” She yelled as she ran back to the window and outside. Going to the swing set she beamed brightly. “We have the seesaw swing and other swings and we have a slide. I can’t wait for them to put my treehouse cause its gonna be my secret club.” She sat on the swing so Sam could push her first.

Sam’s eyes lit up when he saw her swing set. His swing set wasn’t like hers, at least he didn’t think so. He ran behind her swing and began to push her. “Hold on tight. My mom said I’m getting super strong, but I’ll try not to push you too high.”

Mercedes laughed as he began to push her. “Higher!!! I wanna fly.” She squealed as Sam continued to push her. She really loved the swing it made her feel so high.

Sam used all his strength in his push to get her as high as she can. “It would be awesome if you could fly,” Sam said with a big grin. “If I could have a superpower, it would be flying. Then I can go anywhere I want. He pushes the swing again before asking, “What would your superpower be?”

Mercedes laughed. “Flying too!!! Really really high so I can spit on my brothers for being mean to me.” She laughed. After a few more moments she was ready to get down and give Sam his turn. “Okay, your turn!” She said moving her feet out so she could slow down.

Sam laughed at her when she said she wanted to spit on her brothers. If he had older brothers that were mean to him, he would do the same thing. But soon he would be the older, brother, and he hoped his new brother and sister wouldn’t think he was mean. Not hearing Mercedes, he went on to push her again, hard, while still talking, oblivious to what was going on. “I hope my brother and sister don’t think I’m mean when they get older.”

Mercedes moved to hop off the swing when Sam pushed her hard. She flew off the swing landing in the dirt on her arm and she screamed out in pain.

Sam’s eyes widen when he heard Mercedes scream. He didn’t mean to push her that hard. But before he could go to her, adults were rushing out of the house. Sam couldn’t stop the tears stinging his eyes.

Amelia Jones heard that scream and knew nothing good was happening. She ran outside, to see Mercedes on the ground in tears and a little boy standing over her with a worried look on his face. “Oh Mercy, honey what happened?” Mercedes sniffled as her mom helped her up. “He pushed me hard and.. and I fell off the swing.” she cried. “My arm hurts.”

Mary Evans heard a scream and rushed out with one hand protectively on her swollen 8-month belly. She was worried that Sam had gotten hurt. Buy the time she reached the back yard, she saw Sam looking so worried with tears in his eyes, and a little girl crying in her mother’s arms. Mary wobbled to the scene and immediately wrapped her arms around her son, before addressing the little girl and her mother. “Is she okay?” Sam interrupts his mother. “Mom, I didn’t mean to make her fall. I’m sorry.” Mary kisses Sam on the head, before turning to the girl and her mother. “Is there anything we can do?”

Amelia smiled looking over to Sam and his mother. “It was an accident, pretty sure she just sprained her wrist, it’s okay.” She said directing the last part to Sam. She stood smiling at Mary. “What a way to meet huh? I am Amelia Jones, and this is my daughter, Mercedes. We just moved here with my husband and two older boys.” She said dusting Mercedes off and wiping her tears.

“Well, nice to meet you, I’m Mary Evans, and this is my son Sam Evans.” She said smiling down at her now tear-free son. “We moved here three weeks ago. And it’s good to see that Sam has made a new friend so fast.” Mary looks at Mercedes and smiles at her. “And you seem like a brave big girl Mercedes.” She turns to Sam. “And what do you say to Mercedes Sam?” Sam lowers his head and speaks low. “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention.”

Mercedes continued to sniffle as Sam spoke. “It’s okay.” She said softly moving closer to her mom as she held her wrist. Amelia looked at Mary’s stomach. “Well, it looks like you guys will be welcoming another baby soon. Are you excited, Sam?”

Sam nods but doesn’t say anything else. “Yea, we’re expecting two more babies. A boy and a girl.” Mary looks back at Sam and decides to take him for lunch. “Well, we will let you go to take care of Mercedes. It’s lunchtime for Sam. But if you ever need anything, you can just ring the bell. May take me a while to get to the door though.” Mary joked.

Amelia laughed. “Yes go right ahead we are going to get our arm checked, right Mercy.” Mercedes nodded tearfully. Her arm really hurt. Amelia smiled back up. “You guys have a nice night, we really should do dinner though.” Amelia pulled Mercedes closer and waved as they walked into the house. Looking back at Sam, Mercedes sniffled following her mom.

____________________________________________________________________________

Mercedes was awoken by her mom, she was given the children Tylenol for her sprained wrist and it had been wrapped and in a brace since the accident a few days ago. She hadn’t felt much like playing so she just stayed in her room. Though her dad felt bad for her and put a TV there. She sat up as her mom left, promising that if Mercedes left her room, she could have a cookie with her lunch. It was a last-ditch effort to try and lift Mercedes spirits but nothing did she was just sad.

Mary was in the kitchen making breakfast for her and Sam since Dwight had to head in early. She called Sam down and smiled sadly at him. “Why the long face? Are you still upset about Mercedes?” It’s been a few days, and Sam hasn’t smiled since the incident. “I just feel so bad that I hurt my new friend.” Sam sat at the bar stool in the kitchen head in his hands. “Sam, it was an accident.” Mary knew that her words weren’t getting through to her son. “How about if you do something special for Mercedes. For the first time, since the accident, Sam smiled and his eyes lit up. “Mom, do we have construction paper and my art supplies? I want to make Mercedes a card.” Mary helped Sam find his art supplies and watched as he began drawing. Mary decided to make a cake to go with the card as well as a welcome to the neighborhood gesture. After an hour, Sam was ready to head over to the Jones house. “Mom!! Hurry up!” Mary put the cake in her cake dish, and she and Sam headed to the Jones house. She rung the bell, while Sam was hopping up and down in excitement.

Amelia sighed as Mercedes sat on the sofa quietly, she didn’t know what else she could do to cheer her daughter up. Nothing seemed to work. Not even Beauty and the Beast and that always cheered her up. She had finally gotten Mercedes out her room with the promise of once she felt better they would go to the water park, but Mercedes still wasn’t in a good mood. Thankfully her brothers were away at camp for the week or she knew things would be worse. Hearing the doorbell she kissed Mercedes’s forehead and walked too it. Seeing Sam and Mary she opened the door and smiled brightly. “Well hey guys, what brings you over here?”

Mary smiled when Amelia opened the door. "Well Sam feels terrible that he hurt Mercedes, so he made her a get well soon card." Mary smiled encouraging her son. He shows Amelia the card. "Can you give this to Mercedes Mrs. Jones? And tell her it's from Sam? We also made a cake." Mary lifted the cover off the container. It’s Chocolate fudge cake. I hope she isn't allergic or anything."

Amelia smiled. “I think Mercedes would really love that card. How about you take it to her, and I help your mom to the kitchen and get her off her feet.” She moved so they could come in. “Mercedes is in the living room go right in Sam. And you momma come with me, I have some tea with your name on it.” She said taking the cake from Mary.

Sam smiled at Amelia and left his mother to go give Mercedes the card he made for her. He hoped that she liked it. Sam entered the living room nervously. When he saw Mercedes, he took a deep breath before speaking. "Um--- hi Mercedes. I made you a card. In sorry for hurting you and I hope you feel better soon, so we can play again."

Mercedes sat there staring at the teapot singing when she heard Sam. Looking over to him sat up taking the card with her uninjured hand. “You draw really good Sam.” She said after a while. “Thank you.” She held up her arm. “It doesn’t hurt as much. But I can’t play yet.” She said sadly. 

Sam nodded seeing the brace on her arm. "Don't be sad, we can do other things besides playing." He saw Beauty and the Beast on the TV. "Maybe I can watch TV with you? And my mom made a chocolate cake. We can have a slice with some milk. I can get everything if you want." He was determined to show her that they can still have fun.

Mercedes nodded. “You can watch with me! It was just getting to the best part.” She said moving for him to sit with her. “I like chocolate cake almost as much as I like yellow cake!” She said smiling for the first time.” 

Sam smile big, glad that she was smiling back at him. "Okay let me get everything!" Sam ran to the kitchen and up to his mother and Mrs. Jones. Mercedes and I are going to watch a movie, but we want cake and milk. Do you have a tray that I can put everything on and carry into the living room?" Mary smiled at how excited Sam was. “I'm sorry Amelia. When Sam has his mindset on something, he gets overly excited."

Amelia smiled down at Sam. “I do have a tray that I think will be perfect.” She said standing and grabbing two plates. Handing them to Mary to cut the kids slices, she grabbed two cups of Milk and placed them on a tray with two carrying handles. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

Sam nodded enthusiastically. "I'm really strong. I won't drop it. I promise." Mary chuckled while cutting two nice size slices of cake and put them on the plates with two plastic forks. "Sam please be careful." Sam rolled his eyes. "I will mom. I promise." Mary placed the tray in Sam's hands, steadying them before letting go. Sam made sure to walk extra slow so nothing spilled. Once in the living room, he placed the tray on the coffee table. "Ready to eat?" He asked Mercedes excitedly. 

Amelia smiled brightly watching Sam walk away. “How cute would it be if those two got married one day?” 

Mary smiled at the thought. Sam never took to anyone the way he took to Mercedes. "Only time will tell."

Mercedes looked up and smiled. “I paused for you. Do you want me to start it over?” She pulled her blanket closer. “This is my Mulan Blanket, I really like that movie too.” She said softly.

Sam nodded and sat next to Mercedes under her Mulan blanket. "My favorite movie is Aladdin. I love the genie. But Beauty and the Beast is my second favorite  movie, also Lion King. I hope the cake makes you feel better."

“I like Aladdin too! I have that and Mulan, Little Mermaid and Sleeping Beauty. OOoooo and Lion King. But my brother destroyed Snow White. I'm glad they’re gone right now.” She took a bite of the cake. “This is so good your mom is a good baker.” She scooted over to Sam and smiled as she started Beauty and the Beast again finally feeling better about everything.

[forgetmenotsandroses]

The 4 Times Baz Tried to Say I Love You and the One Time He Actually Did

This was inspired by the Carry On Countdown day 24  prompt ‘ways to say i love you’, but life got in the way and it’s a little late :(

Big big thanks to @slightlystalesushirolls for dealing with me as I wrote this!!

1.

Baz looks into the face of the boy the Crucible has brought to him, his supposed mortal enemy. But instead of the Mage’s pet, instead of a hateful creature, instead of whatever vile things Fiona’s said about the kid, Baz sees himself. To clarify, he sees another boy, terrified, and thrown into the deep end, but ready to fight. So he takes the hand extended in front of him. And stares into the most beautiful, ordinary pair of blue eyes, framed by thick, dark lashes. Eyes that he’s failed to notice, lost in thought as he is. And curls the colour of bronze. And a sprinkle of freckles, like fairy dust on golden skin. The chosen one is… handsome? Attractive? Incredibly lovely? This is completely unexpected. No one warned him about this. For once in his short but meticulously and carefully planned out life, Baz is flustered. Stunned. Gobsmacked. He tries to form words. Nothing comes out. He tries again. This time, a faint syllable emerges.

“I…”

This is more difficult than expected. What is he even going to say? Baz is hit with a realization, one that takes awhile to process. He has somehow become absolutely smitten with this boy he barely knows. But if he can just get the words out, the boy before him will know just how he feels. Maybe he believes in love at first sight too (not that Baz would ever admit to believing in love at first sight, he’s far too old for that fairytale nonsense). For a split second, Baz feels brave.

“I think…”

But the weight of his family and their legacy press down on him. How could he do this to them? After everything they’ve worked for, after his mother gave her life for his. The weight is heavy, far to heavy for the small shoulders of a young boy.

“I hate you!”

2.

Baz is fifteen years old, and busy daydreaming up a world where he doesn’t have to pretend he hates the chosen one, where he is happy and light and free, where Simon Snow loves him back. His peaceful dreams of a flat lit by the soft beams of the afternoon sun and making out by the window (he is a teenage boy) are immediately interrupted by said chosen one himself storming into their room.

“Aww Snow, is something wrong?”

Simon scowls. “Fuck off, Baz. I’m not in the mood for your sinister nonsense.”

Internally, Baz sighs. He would like nothing more than to comfort the idiot before him, soothe his worries, make sure everything will be okay. But even if he did, Simon would definitely think he was joking. There’s no point. As Simon crashes around the room, Baz continues his daydream. Risky business, he knows, but what Simondoesn’t know won’t hurt him, and there’s nothing wrong with a little self indulgence, so long as no one ever finds out. Not like there’s mind readers in here anyways. 

He’s so caught up in his domestic daydreams that he almost misses it when Simon leaves. In fact, he’s so caught up in his daydream that he forgets, for just a second, that they’re mortal enemies. He forgets that Simon doesn’t, wouldn’t, could not love him under any circumstances. Baz’s brain goes blank, and for a blissful moment Simon is just leaving their flat to do some errands, maybe get some groceries. When he comes back, Baz will kiss him and they’ll be happy together. For now, though, Baz bids his boyfriend adieu.

“Love you!”

A very frustrated Simon turns so forcefully that there are probably skid marks left on the floor, and Baz is snapped back into reality.

“What did you say?”

Baz backtracks furiously. Fuck. “I said that I loathe you! Whatever’s going on in that thick skull of yours doesn’t mean you get to treat our shared space like trash! Have some manners!”

During the fistfight that follows those comments, Baz feels a combined sense of relief and regret.

3.

“You like her too, don’t you. But that’s too bad, because I’ve already asked her out!”

Baz looks up into Simon’s gleeful face.

“What are you talking about?”

Simon’s grin stretches wider, if that’s possible. “Agatha, obviously! I see you look at us whenever we’re together. I can tell how jealous you are!”

Baz swallows. He is jealous, but not of Simon.

“So, when I asked her out, and she said yes, I made sure to come up here and rub it in your stupid, plotting face!”

Simon continues talking, but Baz’s mind is elsewhere. His heart sinks. Hard. It was inevitable, obviously. The school’s golden boy and golden girl getting together. He’s pretty sure that there’s a pool going on whether Agatha is going to ask Simon first or Simon will ask Agatha (although that’s been resolved now), and everyone knows how perfect they would be together. Agatha Wellbelove, the sweetest, loveliest girl in all of Watford known for not just her beauty but her kindness, and Simon Snow, the handsome, dashing hero, the mage’s favourite, the chosen one. They fit together like puzzle pieces, her softness smoothing out his rough and both of them bathed in golden light. Like Barbie and Ken, made for each other. Yet, in a small, secret corner of his heart, Baz has unconsciously held onto the tiny hope that maybe, just maybe, this could work out. That after the war was over and the dust settled, Simon would turn to him. That Simon would choose Baz the same way Baz would choose Simon. In a heartbeat. After all, haven’t they been through everything together?

Doesn’t Baz know Simon the best out of anyone, and vice versa? Baz is certain he cares about Simon more than anyone else in the world, more than the idiot mage or Agatha Wellbelove or even Penny Bunce, who clearly loves Simon dearly. There is no one else on the planet that Baz loves with such passion, but when he opens his mouth, his heart beats too fast and the words get tangled up and he says nothing at all.

4.

It’s mid-October, and Simon Snow walks into their room looking like a used punching bag. He’s shaking slightly, his face is bruised and cut up, he has a limp, and bandages cover his left arm. He looks worn and weary, far older than his seventeen years. Baz wants to gather him up, find out what happened. Baz wants to take whoever’s responsible (probably the incompetent mage) and beat them within a centimetre of their life. Baz stares for a moment too long at the beautiful boy in front of him and wonders for the millionth why the world let someone so perfect become so broken.

Simon snarls, voice cracking. “What are you looking at?”

‘You’re beautiful.’ Baz thinks. ‘I love you’, he wants to say desperately. ‘I love you and I’ve loved you since the day we met, when the Crucible brought us together and even if you killed me I’d love you still. I want to kiss the tears from your face and hold you in my arms and tell you that darling, everything will look better in the morning because you, Simon Snow, are a fucking miracle, and the world rights itself around you. My world rights itself around you.’ Baz inhales, exhales deeply.

“I was looking at your stupid expression, Snow. Your mouth was hanging open so wide I thought your jaw might fall off.”

5.

Everything is on fire. At least, that’s what it feels like to Baz. Watford is under attack, children’s screams echo into the night, and the world around him burns. Tonight, everyone else seems to be just as flammable as him.

As he runs through the gates to face the oncoming horde of monsters, several of Baz’s classmates fight alongside him. It’s funny that the Mage, supposed protector of the school, isn’t there to help. He’s probably fled in his cowardice. Despite this, the staff are fighting from the towers, casting protection spells and shooting down the occasional beast as they evacuate students. Of course, on the front lines, there’s Dev and Niall, his trusted friends and loyal compatriots. Unexpectedly, there’s also Bunce, Rhys, Elspeth, Gareth, Trixie, and Keris. It’s strange, to be on their side for once. He thought it might end the other way around, but here they are, coming together as one to defend Watford, their home. And come together, they do. Waves of magic hit goblins, chimeras, numpties, and other assorted creatures, while spells fly through the air like lightning. In fact, actual lightning flies through the air as well. It’s starting to storm, with rain lashing over the faces of the fighters and lightning crackling and thunder sounding in the distance. As it pours, Bunce, ever resourceful, casts a ‘keep clear’ onto her glasses. The rest of them copy her, using various spells to defend themselves from the weather as well as the beasts they’re fighting. As the battle intensifies, he feels his fangs emerge, but he doesn’t care, and no one else does either. Why would they care about something so trivial, when they’re winning?

As their opponents retreat, Agatha Wellbelove runs out of the Wandering Wood with Simon on her tail, yelling. The battle shifts. The forest is on fire. Suddenly, Keris screams as Trixie collapses into her arms, and Baz can’t tell whether or not she’s alive or dead. He can hardly make out anything through the rain, smoke, and bodies. As other move to cover them, magic and sparks dance together, intermixed with ashes blowing from the slowly smoldering forest. Every hair stands on end. Baz is covered in blood, so much blood, and he can’t even tell if it’s his. The pace speeds up, because if they’re going to win, they need to win now. Alistair fucking Crowley, this is cutting it close.

There is a seemingly endless stream of monsters, despite their efforts. It feels more and more like their reserves are dwindling while the numbers of the enemy stay the same. As merwolves emerge from the moat and they’re besieged on both sides, Baz casts spell after spell trying to find one that works. He finds the right words in an old Christmas carol. As silver bells rain from the skies above, the merwolves hiss and retreat.

In the midst of the battle, Baz sees Simon. He doesn’t care anymore if else anyone sees them. This could be the end, so fuck it. As he navigates himself through the sea of combatants, he sees Simon doing the same. Soon, sooner than expected, Simon is within reaching distance. They fight back to back.

“Snow, Simon, I—” what if, after tonight, he never sees Simon again? The thought is terrifyingly real. Visions of the chosen one dance in his mind’s eye, a bloodied body broken for good, bronze curls buried in mud, soft blue eyes unseeing. There is so much to process, so much to say, and far too little time. So it slips out in a bare whisper.

“I love you.”

He tries again, louder, more forceful. Trying to cut through the screaming and muck and grime. “Simon Snow! I love you!”

Simon stops for a moment, shocked. Time stops, and it’s just the two of them.

“I’ve loved you since I was eleven, and I think I’ll love you forever! If this fight doesn’t go our way, I want you to know that I died loving you, because you’ve been my light all these years and if you go, I’ll go too because there’s no bloody way I’m going to live in a world that you’re not in!”

Simon looks at him again, tears in his eyes. He turns and takes a step towards Baz.

“Baz,” he says, “Baz I feel the same—“

And that is where Simon, sweet, impulsive, stupid Simon, makes a mistake. You never turn your back on the enemy in battle. The goblin he was fighting stabs, fast and dirty, at Simon’s back. As he collapses, Baz lets loose a cry and lets go of every primal, feral urge he’s been holding back. Fury and adrenaline aid his movements and he slices through with spells and brute strength. He carves out a rough patch for him and Simon, enough to breathe and check if he’s alive because there’s no way in hell this is how it ends. Simon looks so small.

“Baz,” he whispers. “Baz, listen.” Simon goes into a coughing fit, and his hands are splattered with red when he stops.

“Shh. It’s alright. You don’t have to talk.” Baz is all tenderness now, even as the horde creeps in around them. Nothing in the world matters more than this.

“I need you to hold my hand, right now. I’m going to give you some of my magic.” Simon is curled up now, blood flowing fast from his back. That much magic use will surely damage his shattered body more than it already is.

“Simon—“ He looks again around him; the gate is breaking. Monsters surround the walls. Watford is almost done for.

“Baz, now!”

Baz hesitates for a split second before grabbing Simon’s hand, and promises to himself that he will not let go. No matter what happens.

The spell comes to Baz, almost laughable in its simplicity. He holds hands with the boy he’s loved forever, and feels magic greater than he’s ever know well up inside of him. His blood sings, filled to the brim with potential and fire.

“Freedom lives hence, and banishment is here.”

A flash of white light and the battlefield stills. Slowly, slowly, the monsters disappear, like photographs developing in reverse. As the swarms fade from view until they’re nothing more than dust motes in bright light, something stirs behind Baz. He turns. Against all odds, against everything, Simon Snow is alive.

“He’s here.” He whispers, and Baz is at his side in an instant.

“Who’s here, darling?”

Simon raises a shaking hand, and points. The air around them changes, and he sees his celebrating, mourning classmates and teachers stiffen. Magic is draining rapidly from the land, leaving Baz feeling parched and dry. There’s a little boy on the field now, maybe eleven or twelve years old, bouncing a red ball. Baz starts, but as the child walks towards them, it’s clear that he only has eyes for Simon.

As he approaches, the stares of everyone rest upon them. No one moves a muscle, save the child and Simon, who is starting to push himself up, though he’s pale with loss of blood. Baz tries to help him, or stop him, but he’s paralyzed. The kid is eerily familiar, and it’s only when he speaks do the pieces click in Baz’s mind. A younger, dirtier Simon Snow is before them.

“Hello.” He says. “I think you’ve been expecting me.”

Simon looks at him, stares for a second, like his eyes need time to focus. Baz wants to scream, but time seems like syrup and the air is so still.

“I know how to stop you. I wasn’t sure before, but I’m sure now.”

The boy sneers at that.

“What are you going to do? Stab me with your little sword? Use a big, powerful spell? I’m the Insidious Humdrum. Fighting me is pointless.”

“No,” rasps Simon. “I’m not going to fight you. I’m giving back what I took from you.”

The Humdrum has reached them now. He’s not angry, not disdainful anymore. He seems inquisitive, and when Simon extends his trembling hands, he takes them. Simon closes his eyes, and Baz sees the strain in his face. It takes him a second, but everyone on the grounds seems to start realizing what’s happening. Simon is pushing his magic into the Humdrum, who’s accepting it willingly. All Baz can do is stare as Simon weakens, wringing out every last drop of magic from his tired body for what seems like hours but could be minutes, even seconds. Time passes strangely when everyone is frozen in place, unable to tear their eyes away. Suddenly, he collapses against Baz. It’s over.

Miraculously, the dead zone lifts. Magic returns to them, flooding in as if some gate has opened, and Baz starts to cast every single healing spell he knows. Simon is non-verbal, looking up with blind eyes and all Baz can think is I’m losing him.

“Hold on love, I’ve got you. Keep your eyes open and it will be okay. Just keep your eyes open…”

Bunce comes up first, followed by Wellbelove and Dev and Miss Possibeif and a torrent of other students and teachers. They form a healing circle, frantically trying to stem the flow of blood. Nothing seems to be working, either because their magic reserves have been depleted, or Simon is too far gone. Baz can’t tell. In the chaos, the Humdrum has slipped away into nothingness.

This is Baz’s nightmare, his personal hell. He’s dreamed of fire and blood and the sting of bitter tears, but it’s always been Simon standing above him, while Baz dies looking into those perfect, ordinary eyes. It’s not supposed to be like this; the chosen one in his arms, the little life he has left draining rapidly from his bruised body.

“Please,” he whispers. “Please.” The word echoes in his skull, and Baz is reminded of the old lullaby. He owes it to Simon, he figures. To sing him to sleep, to comfort him this last time. He prays that this will make up for each time he couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t say anything when he knew Simon was hurting. He knows it isn’t enough.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey…”

Baz is crying now, fat teardrops running down his face. He hasn’t cried this hard since he was a child. He lets out great, gasping sobs, hardly able to get the words out, but he owes this to Simon. Everyone around him has gone silent.

“You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you…”

They’re too young for this. Far too young  to die in a war that isn’t theirs. Simon Snow deserves to be more than a faded flower, a name in the history books. He deserves to be alive and vibrant and so bright it hurts to look at. With this thought in mind, Baz sings the last bit of the song. He puts everything he has into it, desperately hoping it will be enough. A last-ditch effort to save the one he loves.

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

But the chosen one is silent and grey from blood loss, his face smudged with ash and dirt. Carefully, gently, Baz wipes the grime from his face, smooths out the unruly curls like he’s always dreamed of doing, though not like this. Never like this. He silently places a kiss on Simon’s cold lips. How long has he imagined this moment? How many times has he wished and hoped just to brush his lips against Simon’s? But he always thought that his lips would be warm. Right now, it’s like kissing ice. He looks at the face of brilliant, golden boy he’s been in love with since the beginning, with no tears left to cry. Then Simon opens his eyes, and kisses Baz right back.

For a moment, it’s just them. Just tongue and lips and teeth and Simon and Baz just like it should be, just like it’s always been. The battlefield and everyone in it melts away and Baz wants to stay like this forever. 

Bunce’s screams puncture the space first. As he opens his eyes, he can’t even be mad, because Simon looks so happy to see her. They’re crying big, dripping tears, and she embraces both of them, hugs them so hard that Baz wheezes and Simon cries out and everyone around them starts, remembering that Simon is still injured. With renewed energy, healing spells are cast, potions conjured, and bandages are wrapped. Despite this, Simon can’t feel his legs. Baz carries him as everyone walks back to Watford, together and triumphant. Simon muses that maybe it’s permanent, but losing the use of his legs seems a small price to pay for his life. He grins, and Baz smiles fondly.

“What do we do now?”

“We carry on, love. Just like we always have, just like we always will.”

Simon smiles wider, if that’s possible, and leans in for another kiss.

[runenc03]

Just pretend (a seaycee oneshot)

Writing date: October 2018

Genre: fluff, a little bit of angst (I guess?)

Warnings: bullying (but nothing physical)

**********************************************

There Kaycee sat, in her room, in front of her window. She was contemplating whether her mum would be angry with her for chickening out last minute or not. Never had she been this nervous for an audition.

'No-one is going to enjoy your performance. Why would they choose a choreo about a broken heart, a solo, when you can portray love so much better as a duo? You'll make a fool of yourself...'

That were the kind of thoughts that occupied her mind for the last week. She tried to ignore that little irritating voice in her head, but somehow, whatever she was doing, she always ended up worrying about this audition.

She shouldn't do this. Eventually, it would end in dissapointment, and she didn't think she was strong enough to handle that. Not with this one.

Kaycee made up her mind. She'd just go to Nika's class instead of the audition.

Just as she was about to go downstairs and undoubtedly face her mum's wrath for changing her plans last minute, Laura swung the door of her bedroom open and exclaimed:

"Come on, we're going to be late if we don't leave now. I'll pick you up after the audition to go to Julia's. I promised her I'd bring you with me, she hasn't seen you in such a long time! Are you ready?"

Her mum had made plans afterwards. That meant she couldn't back out anymore.

Shit.

Kaycee had no choice but to put up a brave smile, take her dance bag and follow her mum to the car.

                          ***

"Welcome to the audition's for Sia's new dancers!"

Brian Friedman's voice boomed through the large room. It was some sort of waiting room, where Kaycee, along with all the other contestants, was listening to one fourth of the judges.

"I know you're all dying to go in the audition room and show your insane dancing skills, but before we start with that, I want to explain the audition a bit more for you guys."

He looked around the room, almost as if he could gauge their talent by making eyecontact with the contestants. It gave Kaycee shivers.

"First of all, I'd like to say that there is no such thing as a wrong choreography. The song 'love' is, evidently, about all sorts of love. So don't be afraid to do something completely different than the others. Be yourself, be unique. If you do just that, the sky is the limit.

Secondly, I want to go over some real practical arrangements: because you're such a big group of contestants, we decided to put you in this waiting room. We're going to call you in to do your audition one by one. Every time, we'll pick a random name on our list. That means you don't know when you'll have to do your audition. It's only fair for you to all have equal chances.

The room broke out into murmurs. This was something completely different than what they were used to. Not knowing when they had to audition? It surely didn't help calming their nerves.

"That's about it. Good luck everyone!"

Brian Friedman turned around an disappeared behind a big mahony door. The people in the room began practising their choreo, talking in groups, some even meditating.

'I should probably stretch', Kaycee thought.

And that's exactly what she did.

                         ***

"Are you trying to impress someone with stretching like that? 'Cause just so you know it, no-one's looking at you, honey. Everyone's busy with more important things, like their own audition. No need to do those ridiculous back bends."

Kaycee looked up from her current position, to see 3 girls looking down at her. They were all a few years older than her, or at least it looked like that, with all the make up they had smeared on their faces. All in identical outfits (a crop top with more holes than fabric, and shorts that were about the same length as an average pair of knickers) it was clear that they were a team. A team on a mission:

Destroying Kaycee's self confidence.

The girls snickered at the comment of what seemed to be their leader.

"Let her be. Maybe she'll break something and then the judges don't have to waste their time on her."

Kaycee's eyes widened. She didn't really know how she felt. Was she angry or hurt? How should she react to them? Or was it better to just ignore them?

"I must say, if you're going to try to portray a girl who's heartbroken because no boy wants her, there's no doubt you'll do a great job!"

Now Kaycee didn't feel confused about her feelings anymore.

She was hurt.

She was about to ask them to let her be, when an unknown voice surprisingly beat her to it:

"And what are you going to do, if I may ask? A choreo about egocentrism? Because that's a sort of love too, isn't it? Loving yourself like you girls do. Loving yourself so much that you feel the need to disrespect my girlfriend. I pity you, really."

If Kaycee's eyes weren't wide before, they surely were now. Shocked, her head rapidly turned to her side, to see who'd taken it upon them to defend her. Beside her stood a boy, with asian roots, about a head taller than her. He was wearing black sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt with the word 'lewser' on it.

He was cute.

She locked eyes with him. Although she hadn't ever seen him, it felt like something clicked, like she understood his intentions, like she understood him.

'Just pretend', his eyes seemed to say, and that's exactly what she did.

Those girls were in for a show.

"Thanks, honey", she said to the unknown boy, while giving him a swift kiss on his cheek

Might as well make this plausible.

She could see the shock in his eyes,  for just a split second, but that expression soon changed into a grin when he looked back at the girls. Curious as to why they made his expression change so suddenly, she took a glance at them too.

They were a sight to see.

Wide eyes, securely stifted lips hung open, clearly speechless.

Kaycee couldn't help but giggle at their expression.

"If you'd let us alone now, that'd be very much appreciated. We'd like to go over our choreo about the kind of love soulmates have. Together."

There downed a silence upon them, neither the girls, nor Kaycee and her defender moving. The girls just seemed too shocked at what just had happened. They hadn't expected this lonely girl to be saved by her boyfriend.

Her kind of really handsome boyfriend.

When nothing happened, the Asian boy took matters into his own hands:

"Okay, if none of you is going to move, we will. Come on babe, let's go", he said, while securing his arm around her waist and gently leading her towards another part of the gigantic room.

As soon as they were out of the girls' earshot, she turned to him and said:

"First of all, thank you so so much. I really appreciate what you did there. But, what are we gonna do now? If they notice one of us enter the audition room without the other one, they'll see right through us.."

But to her surprise, the boy only smiled at her, and quickly replied:

"Not to sound arrogant or something, but I know Brian Friedman, you know, one of the judges."

Kaycee slightly rolled her eyes at the boy's attempt to teach her something. Like she didn't know who Brian Friedman was. But she had to admit, it was kind of cute how he wanted her to understand him, so she let it slide.

She was pulled out of her thought when he continued:

"I recently made a choreo about love. I did it alone, in my garage, like I often do, but in my head, it's actually always been a partner dance. This is the perfect opportunity! I can arrange for Brian to call us in to audition as the last ones, so I have time to teach you the choreo!"

Contrary to the Asian's enthousiasm, Kaycee stayed silent. It just didn't feel right. Her expression must've given away her discomfort, 'cause the boy began profusely apologising:

"I-I mean, I understand you don't want to, I just thought this was a great solu- but of course, this is stupid, you have made your own choreo for this audition, it's ridiculous to think that you'd want to do mine. I'm really sorry for the position I put you in. I am so-"

But Kaycee cut him off, utterly surprised. He completely misunderstood her uneasiness.

"Oh dear God no, don't apologize, please. You did me a huge favor back there, and if it wasn't for the audition, I would love to get to know you and dance with you. It's just that...I feel like it's unfair to arrange something with Brian Friedman. It feels like...cheating..."

"Oh, so it is fair that those bitches make you so insecure? That's a strategy, love. They want you to fail your audition because you're insecure, so they have more chance at getting the job. Not that they have any chance, those brainless barbies."

Kaycee looked up at him in wonder. How did this wonderful human being just appeare out of nowhere into her life and notice her?

"Why me?"

The boy looked at her in confusion, one eyebrow raised.

"What?"

"Why did you help me, when you don't even know my name?" Kaycee elaborated.

The cute boy replied, while looking into her eyes, giving her red cheeks and a surprisingly warm feeling on the inside.

"It was just a feeling. I saw you, and, I don't know, I just had to do something. I couldn't just watch you get hurt. Now, don't freak out, but I just felt this...connection when I laid my eyes on you. I couldn't let the chance at getting to know you slip through my fingers. I just couldn't. Beside, you were being harrassed. I just immediately felt this- this need to protect you..."

They both fell silent. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. They were both just processing what had happened. Kaycee trying to understand what the boy had just said and -unknown to her- her 'saviour' silently reprimanding himself for the things that escaped his mouth without his permission. They were both lost in their own world, thinking about eachother, until...

"It's Kaycee."

Again, the boy could do nothing but try to understand the girl.

"What?"

Funny, he thought, how their conversation already followed a certain pattern. It was like it was meant to be.

"My name is Kaycee.", she explained.

Now Sean understood.

'What a beautiful name. It fits her', he thought.

Smiling, he reached out a hand towards her.

"I'm Sean. It's nice to meet you, Kaycee."

Kaycee shot him a smile in return, secretely kind of distracted by the fact that his dimples showed when he smiled at her like that. She shook his hand.

"Idem dito."

Little did they know that that was only their beginning.

[shiningamongdarkness]

Chapter 07. My best try

Shining among Darkness

By WingzemonX 

Chapter 07. My best try 

Matilda had been in Oregon for a week when the sky dawned clear for the first time. That day she got up relatively early. The sun was just rising, and the view of the blue sky was slowly lighting up; it was gorgeous. While driving to the hospital, an idea came up for that day's session.

After Dr. Scott's usual initial denials, which were not only normal but their absence would surprise her, he allowed her to take Samara out to the hospital courtyard. There would be no other people in those moments out there so they could be alone; Dr. Scott took the obligation of emphasizing that this included any other doctor or nurse who could come to her rescue if something went wrong, but she still decided to take the risk.

At half-past seven, Matilda and Samara went out to the patio together. It seemed as if the sun had not touched Samara's little face in weeks, and not just because of the pale tone of her face had taken. The little girl looked in all directions, very cautiously as they advanced from the door on the concrete path surrounded by benches and trees. Her actions showed interest, but her eyes kept stoic.

Between her fingers, Samara was carrying Nancy, the doll she had asked to bring from her home. It was an old-fashioned Barbie or at least some brand that tried to resemble her, with long straight black hair. The doll wore a short green dress with bare shoulders. As she had agreed with the good Doctor in charge, Matilda gave it to her every time they met and took it with her every time she left. The funny thing was that Samara never played with it or anything like that. Usually, she just held her against her or tightly between her hands. Matilda felt that the mere proximity of that toy, surely made her feel a little better in some way; closer to home, perhaps?

"What are we doing out here?" The girl asked, somewhat confused, but evidently not disappointed by the change of scenario.

Matilda smiled.

"The sun finally came out, so I thought you'd like a different air." Samara did not answer, but she sensed that it was a silent affirmation. "Also, I want us to try something new."

Matilda led Samara to one of the benches on the side of the road, but they did not sit on it. Instead, the psychiatrist extended her hand to the front, toward the mountains in the distance.

"Normally, you draw thoughts that you only see in your head. But, have you tried to capture something that you see in the real world? For example, look at that view."

Samara looked in the direction in which she pointed. The sun was rising from behind the mountains, and they could see its circumference without a problem because it still did not come with all its light.

"Why don't you try to look at it a few seconds, memorize it, and capture that image on paper?"

Samara looked at her doubtfully, but she went on.

"Look at those colors, those shapes. Are not they beautiful?"

"Yes, they are," she murmured slowly.

"So, what do you say? Would you like to try it?"

Samara simply shrugged, and again it seemed to be her silent way of saying yes.

They were a couple of seconds watching that natural spectacle. In all that time, neither said anything or did anything beyond looking at the horizon. Samara's expression was just as peaceful as ever, so it was impossible for Matilda to know if she enjoyed it or not.

"Well, now let's turn around."

Matilda turned around, and now she sat on the bench so that she had her back to the mountains. She touched the wooden surface beside her with one hand, indicating with that little act that she should sit down. Samara did so, although everything on her face showed that she was still not very sure of the situation. What should that doubt be?

Matilda took out of her bag the drawing block they had been using during the sessions; in it were already embodied several images, all created by Samara. She opened the block on a blank page and placed it carefully on the girl's legs.

"Try to imagine in your mind that landscape you saw, and sign it here. Do you think you can do it?"

Samara stared at the blank paper in her hands. She ran his fingers slowly over it, barely brushing the surface with the tips of his fingers. After a few seconds, she placed the whole palm on the bottom of the paper, and almost immediately a picture slowly formed, with black and dark branches extending from her fingers, to grow and cover the white space. Like the previous times, it seemed as if those lines were burned on paper, instead of drawing.

The image was captured relatively quickly, and the result was precisely the landscape behind them. However, it was not wholly the same. As soon as Matilda saw it, a somewhat oppressive sensation invaded her chest. While the actual landscape looked warm, friendly and colorful, the image on the paper was dark and cold. The darkness seemed to cover the sky, dimming the sunlight.

"Very well, you did it very well," Matilda exclaimed, placing a hand on her shoulder in approval. She not to receive any negative reaction from the child to that little contact, and it pleased her. "But, doesn't it send a different feeling that the real one? Don't you think it looks a little...?"

"Sad?" Samara interrupted suddenly, still contemplating the image on the paper. "Scary? As dead?" She stopped for a second. "Everything always ends up being that way, even if I don't want to."

It was not clear if her words were conveyed of frustration or anguish, but definitely, the result had affected her. Was that what bothered her at first? Did she know it would end like this?"

"Don't worry about that? Why do not you try again?"

Samara stood up and took another look at the landscape for a long time. The sun was already more lived and could not hold much look, but still tried. She sat down again when she considered it prudent, and repeated the same act from a few moments ago: she changed pages to a blank one, ran her fingers through the paper, placed her hand on the bottom, and tried to capture the image of the landscape.

The result, however, ended up being quite similar to the previous one.

Matilda took the notebook and reviewed it in more detail. What she had said a few moments ago was right: all the images she created, both on radiographs and on paper, transmit a very uncomfortable feeling, even frightening sometimes. Maybe it was not bad at all; perhaps it was what her ability was capable of doing, and people like her perceived it with a dark feeling inspired merely by their own emotions. But even if it were like that, it was difficult to look at those images and not to provoke a deep sense of uneasiness and sadness.

A fleeting thought crossed her mind. If that was how she felt just by seeing an image on paper... What was it that Mrs. Morgan felt? What was it that Samara had made her see? And... What had she made her biological mother see so that she wanted to drown her?

"Are you angry with me?" She heard that Samara suddenly asked, taking her by surprise.

"No, of course not," she said quickly with a broad smile. "You did very well, Samara. Maybe we can try another..."

"Then, who are you upset with?" She interrupted abruptly, almost cutting.

Matilda hesitated, surprised by this sudden outburst.

"Why do you think I'm upset?"

"Because I can feel it. I feel something bothering you."

Samara looked at her with intensity in her eyes. She almost always had an intense look, but on that occasion it was different; it seemed almost inquisitive as if she was accusing her of something.

"You see it? In my mind?" Samara did not answer, although she turned her gaze away quickly as if she was feeling ashamed. "Did you read something in my mind, Samara?"

"Not completely," she whispered slowly, head bowed; her hair fell over her face, covering it almost completely. "They are always more like ... forebodings."

"I get it. And do you have those forebodings often?"

"Not that much…"

The extent of her telepathic ability, if indeed that was it, had not been adequately studied by Dr. Scott and the rest of his team, and Matilda had not wanted to go deep into it; not yet, at least.

These "forebodings" as she described them, were the smallest scale they had detected in people who shine. Usually, they were just sensations that told the person whether or not to do something, whether or not to trust someone, etc. But in Samara's case, Matilda was sure it was more profound than that. These feelings and sensations could be more precise than they thought.

"Did you see anything about me?" Matilda asked directly, but Samara again did not answer. "Is there something you want to ask me? You know you can tell me anything."

Matilda hoped she was not stepping on dangerous ground. After all, she had relevant information in her mind that she had not shared with her current patient; about being adopted, and the actual whereabouts of her biological mother, as well as the rugged story of how it ended up in adoption. If Samara had sensed something of it, she might be getting into a situation where she did not want to be. However, on the other hand, if she knew or had at least sensed it, either in her or in her own parents, it would not do anything good for their relationship to hide or deny it.

Matilda was determined to speak the truth if that was what she wanted to ask. However, what Samara wanted, in fact, had nothing to do with that suspicion. In fact, But, Matilda was not at all ready for that question anyway...

"Who is Carrie?" Blew out the little one, making Matilda startle so much, that she narrowly jumped from her seat.

The psychiatrist was paralyzed, unable to react immediately; even his breathing had been cut off, but she was not aware of it until she realized that was short of breath in her lungs.

When she did not receive an answer, Samara turned slowly towards her, and again looked at her with the same intensity as before.

"Excuse?" The doctor said, unable to reflect security. She had listened very well to her question, but she clung to an almost ridiculous longing that it had been something else.

And indeed, it was not like that.

"You've thought that name very hard a couple of times since we met," Samara explained. "It's like a loud scream in my ears. Who is she?"

Matilda inhaled and exhaled hard through her nose.

Was she really asking about... that? Why? Why about that subject? Why right at that moment? Of all things, secrets, undesirable and horrible moments that haunted her mind... why that?

"It's not something I think we should talk about right now. Is better…"

"Why don't you want to tell me about it?" Samara said with something more aggressive.

"It's not that I don't want to, Samara. It is just that…"

Matilda's words locked. She was so unprepared to answer that, and she really did not have a convincing excuse beyond the obvious one: that in fact, she did not want to do it... which was not very far from reality.

Samara seemed bothered by her hesitation.

"Tell me who she is," the kid exclaimed demandingly. "Or I will not want to talk to you anymore."

Matilda was startled; she easily sensed all the threat latent in those words. She was not sure how serious it was, but she could not let an incident like that break all the good relationship she had achieved with her up to that point.

But... talk about that? What utility or benefit could it bring? Most certainly, none. Talking about that could not bring anything good, neither to her nor to the girl.

Should she impose her authority? She was not sure how Samara would react to such a confrontation. Even at that moment, she already looked quite defensive. Her expression had taken on that almost terrifying face she had the first night they met. Matilda had a hard time admitting it, but she really began to feel intimidated by her... almost scared. Was that what Dr. Scott and his assistants saw? Was that what her parents saw?

For the first time, she felt real the warning, almost threatening, that John told her that there would not be any nurse or doctor to help her if she took care of herself.

Matilda returned to breathe deeply, closed the sketchbook and placed it on her legs.

"Ok…"

She looked forward. The sun had almost entirely come out behind them, but in front, there were still some blue and purple tones of the night. She crossed her legs, and sat up straight; Samara stared at her expectantly.

"Carrie... she was also a special girl," Matilda murmured very cautiously in her voice. "She also shone, like us. But her abilities manifested in her only until she was somewhat older than you. It is not usual, but it happens. Usually, the Shining shows in children at a young age, and from there it develops little by little. But in her case, it suddenly appeared at seventeen, without any warning, and with enough force. And when it occurs like that, it can bring several problems."

"Why?"

"Well, as you will soon know, adolescence is a tough stage for everyone. It is full of confusions and fears, even without having to live with the Shining."

She paused and held her breath a little as if talking about it caused her some kind of pain.

"But Carrie's case was a lot more serious, because of her family situation and with her classmates. She didn't have an easy life, nor close to that. And it affected her too much. That's why I wanted to help her, just like I want to help you right now."

"And you did it?" Samara asked with a sharp tone. "Could you help her?"

In Samara's expression was a longing to know. She seemed genuinely eager to hear her response, and that really was the truth. She really seemed to want to know if Matilda had been able to do it; if she had been able to do the same thing she wanted to do with her.

But say that... would have been a lie.

"I did my best try," was all Matilda managed to say, and she regretted almost immediately after.

Samara watched her intently in silence. All that longing had vanished abruptly, and now there was only... nothing, absolutely nothing.

"But you failed," Samara concluded with an almost indifferent tone. "You failed, right? You couldn't help her." Her tone was so cold that it stuck hard into Matilda's chest. "Are you going to fail with me? Will you leave me too?"

Matilda was frozen by those words.

"No... Of course, I won't!" she answered, again, unable to reflect the security she wanted, and Samara noticed it.

The girl lowered her eyes again contemplating her doll in her lap. After a few seconds, she took the toy and placed it on the bench between Matilda and herself.

"I don't think I'm in the mood to talk to you today," she said with an average voice, and then she stood up without looking at her. "I want to go to my room right now."

Matilda hesitated a moment but quickly chose to do what she said. The truth is that she felt the same way; she did not want to continue talking to her at that time either. She couldn´t do something to clarify that situation at that moment.

"Yes... sure," Matilda answered. "I'll come back later if you want us to talk."

Samara did not answer her, and did not she say anything all the way into the hospital.

— — — —

After leaving Samara with the nurses, Matilda went straight to her car, before she met Dr. Scott and he dared to question her. Although it was only to delay the inevitable; sooner or later he was going to have to find out it, anyway.

She walked with such haste through the parking lot that on a couple of occasions her heels went badly, and she almost fell. When she was already on the side of the vehicle, she looked desperately for the keys in the contents of her bag. When she took them out, however, the keys fell off, remaining between their feet. And to top it all off, when she bent down to pick them up, her open bag fell too, and much of its contents spread out under the car.

Matilda let out a small muffled curse, and as she collected all her things, she released several more.

In the end, she finally managed to get into the car, but not before flogging the door with strength; just a moment later she remembered that the vehicle was rented. She sat in the driver's seat but did not start the engine; not yet. Instead, she stood still, with her hands clinging to the steering wheel, and her eyes on the front, watching... nothing, really.

You have to be very clear this girl is not Carrie White, Eleven had told her that night. It had been her fault, she had put that idea in her head, and that was why Samara had perceived it and touched on that subject. Although, Samara said she had felt it since they met. Did she think about it? Did she even think that they both look a lot like without her noticing?

Are you going to fail with me? Will you leave me too?

Matilda pressed her forehead against the steering wheel, and there she stayed. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and tried to calm down. It was not the first difficult situation she faced in that job, and could not keep letting the Carrie White affair affect her that way. She had to regain her composure and think about the best way to act now.

You must not regret this, Eleven had said to her that afternoon, sitting next to each other. There was nothing you could do in such a short time to prevent it.

But was it really like that? Was there really nothing she could have done...?

Suddenly, her phone started ringing, abruptly pulling her out of her deep thoughts, and causing her to startle scared. Matilda quickly began to rummage through his purse again, a little desperate. She took out almost everything she had there before finally finding the phone and answering it immediately, without even taking the time to see the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Matilda? Matilda Honey?" A male voice spoke on the other side of the line.

"Yes, it's me," she answered, sharper and moody than she would have liked, but she did not care. "Who is?"

"Hello, I'm Doug Ames, from the Doctorate."

"Excuse me, who?" She exclaimed confused. A small giggle was heard from the other side.

"I'm not surprised you don't remember me. After all, you were the young girl of just over twenty, surrounded by pure olds of almost thirty or more..."

"No, no, I am sorry," she quickly hurried to intervene.

She took a second, took a deep breath and tried to lighten her mind a little. She retreated until her doctorate years at Yale and attempted to give a face to the name he just gave her.

Doug Ames...

Doug Ames...

Doug Ames...

No, no matter how hard she tried, she could not identify who it was. She had several candidates in mind that could fit, but none stood out more than another. What that faceless voice had said, was entirely accurate. That couple of years at Yale, she had spent practically in herself and in her work, and little or no attention had been given to those around her.

Even so, she knew that if she tried hard enough, she could clearly remember who that person was, but not for the moment. Her mind was too wrapped up in what had just happened that in fact, that she had no desire to try harder than necessary.

"Doug, yes, I remember you," she exclaimed with good spirit and trying to sound sincere. "I'm sorry, I'm... somewhat distracted."

And then she smiled, as a mere reflection although she knew very well that Doug Ames could not see her. She leaned her elbow against the steering wheel, and with her free hand rubbed her face a bit with. She hoped he was not calling to ask for a date or something like that; it was what the least she needed at that time.

"Do not worry," exclaimed the supposed Doug, rather calmly. "Professor Armstrong gave me your number, I hope it doesn't bother you."

Professor Armstrong, which was a name she remembered. Child Psychiatrist and Yale Professor. An older man, but very bright, intelligent, and a fantastic person. And if that was not enough, he also shone. Only a little; he was one of those people with that bit of trace of Shining that allowed him to feel and perceive things, connect with people, and have excellent instincts.

They had become very friendly during the Doctorate, although he had not spoken to her in a couple of years... similar to how she had done with Cody. It surprised her for a second to realize how such good friendships she had had a long time ago, unconsciously she had put them aside over the years. Out of some exchange of reactions on Facebook, she had not had contact with any of her old friends from Arcadia. Even if she thought about it more closely, she had been doing a little aside even to her own adoptive mother, until only frequenting her once or twice a year.

Things like these happen throughout life, she supposed.

"No, of course, it's okay. How have you been?"

"Very well, I suppose. I currently work in Portland, as a Child Psychologist for the Department of Family Affairs."

Portland? It briefly crossed her mind; impossible that it was a coincidence.

"That sounds excellent."

"Yes, most of the time it's nice to help children with problems at home..." He made a long and strange pause, which gave Matilda a lousy feeling. She felt a great but on the way, and so it was. "But at this moment, I have a somewhat complicated case. This is about a girl, whom her parents tried to burn alive in her oven."

"Oh my God," the brunette said, truly frightened, more by the directness of the comment than by the comment itself.

"Maybe you heard about the case in newspapers or social networks. There was much echo because of the horrible act."

No, she had not really read anything about it, although she was not very likely to read that kind of news either. They usually arrived without her wanting it, as at that precise moment.

"Is the girl okay now?"

"If I'm honest..." Another strange pause. "I'm not sure."

There was something strange about Doug's tone that Matilda only realized until then. It transmitted certain nervousness that tried to hide behind amiability and good humor that in the end, ended up feeling a little false. If Matilda had to guess, she would say that the subject he was talking about caused him so much of discomfort, but also a particular discomfort type; of those that only something that reaches you to the core could provoke... like talking about Carrie White, in her case.

Doug went on, going straight to what he wanted to say.

"Listen, I've been treating children who are abused, mistreated, broken inside for a few years. But there's something in this girl, something that, and I'm not ashamed to admit it, scares me a little."

"Something like that?" Asked intrigued.

"It's just a theory, but I think it could be a case of APD."

Matilda jumped in her seat. APD, in other words, Antisocial Personality Disorder. Or in a more familiar term used by people... sociopathy.

"That is a severe diagnosis that can't be taken lightly."

"I know, and the truth is at this moment I don't have enough bases to assure it. It is more a sensation, quite uncomfortable. I had a conversation with her last night, and there was something in her gaze and her words ... I had never seen such coldness, but at the same time aggressiveness, in a person, much less in a child. But I admit that I don't have much experience in that field to make a reliable diagnosis. That's why I contacted Professor Armstrong to give me his opinion. After telling him all this, he said to me that you were in Oregon right now, and he strongly recommended I talk to you and ask for your help."

Matilda thought for a few seconds. Dr. Armstrong was one of the best child psychiatrists on the West Coast, and one of his specialties was precisely sociopathy in children. She also was actively working on that topic for her theses, with Armstrong's guidance, but she was still far from being an expert like him.

Why had Dr. Armstrong suggested that he should talk to her about it? Did he really feel that it was something she could take care of? Maybe he wanted her to look at the child and then pass him her observations, and then decide if it was worth or not to travel from New Haven to there. He was already an old man, after all; he could not, and should not, get on a plane at the first opportunity without there being a good reason.

However, how did he know she was in Oregon exactly? His Shining was enough to know where she was but not to know if this case was worth or not worth the trip? As it was, in other circumstances she would have been happy to do that favor to her former teacher, but she would have preferred that he ask for it himself, and not that she had to be contacted by someone who still could not give him a face. Besides that, he did it at the worst possible time.

Matilda sighed a little tired. She really did not have the head to continue that conversation, so she tried to cut it in the best way.

"Actually, I'm staying in Salem right now, and I'd love to help you, Doug. But I am here because I am attending to my own complicated case, and I am afraid that it has become more complicated just today. Why don't you send me the information you can about this girl and I will check it as soon as I have a chance?"

"I..." Matilda felt a considerable uncertainty in his voice. "Yeah, sure.

But I really would like, if possible, that you see her yourself and could give me your observations, since the information I can provide you I don't think it will transmit the whole situation."

And right here was then Matilda had one of those occasional flashes that illuminated her head, with much more strength and clarity to be a simple feeling. As soon as Doug spoke those words, a sudden thought ran through her: there was something else there.

What if Dr. Armstrong had recommended talking to her, not because of her theses about the child sociopathy... but because of her true specialty? He knew, at least in part, what Matilda was capable of, and the work she did for the Foundation. Perhaps before knowing her, he had never heard about the Shining or was fully aware that he possessed a little of it, it did not take him long to understand it as soon as it was time. What if Dr. Armstrong had sensed that this case had something more focused on that other branch? Perhaps he had had a feeling quite similar to what she was having at that moment.

"Is there anything else I should know?" The psychiatrist asked in a direct tone. "Something else, out of the ordinary do you want to tell me about this case?"

She heard Doug babble a little on the other side of the line, and hesitate about speaking or not. That single reaction told her immediately that, indeed, there was something he had not mentioned yet.

"This is something unofficial," he said after a while, whispering low as if he afraid that someone else would hear him. "I shouldn't talk about this, and maybe it's nothing. But an incident happened only a few days ago. Another boy, from the same group in which I treated this girl, during the night, and for no apparent reason, murdered his parents." Again, the words so sudden took Matilda off guard. "And the level of violence that he applied, hitting them with a stick until... That was not present in him before, I would have seen it in some way. And I'm not saying that girl was involved, but the social worker who is in charge of her is a good friend, and I think she also senses something strange after that happened."

"Something strange besides a possible APD?"

"I don't know. But Dr. Armstrong was sure that your previous experience with similar cases could give me some light. Although he didn't tell me what exactly you are doing right now. Are you treating children with severe behavioral disorders like this?"

Not exactly, it flashed through her head.

The description he had just given her was not enough to determine if there was anything related to the Shining involved in all this. However, it was enough to suppose that perhaps it was a case more for the Eleven Foundation than for the Portland Department of Family Affairs.

But it came at an awful time. Samara's case really consumed her too much energy, and she had not even been able to talk to Mrs. Morgan, or seriously considered the possibility of contacting the biological mother if she was still alive. And to finish, that incident that had just happened.

Are you going to fail with me? Will you leave me too?

Those words were still echoing in her head; the last vivid picture she had of Carrie White was also doing it.

She could not do much, not in those moments. She could ask Cody to review it, but if in addition to being a shining girl, it was a girl with APD, it was likely that he did not have enough tools to deal with it. Maybe the best thing was to contact Eleven and inform her about what happened, and so she could send someone else; perhaps that other person with more experience than she spoke to. But, she could only do it if she had more information, and, after it, she could decide which the right path was.

"Send me the information, and I promise to check it as soon as I can, okay?" She repeated, trying to be less blunt, but felt she had not quite achieved it.

"Yes, it's okay," Doug murmured, and Matilda could feel the disappointment in his voice without a problem. "Thank you, and I hope you do well with your complicated case."

"I hope so too. See you soon if everything goes well."

She passed him her email address, and they cut just after that. Matilda would wait to receive the mail so she could calmly review what it was about. However, such mail would never arrive, because it would not reach to be sent.

END OF CHAPTER 07

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

—Carrie White, who was mentioned in this chapter and in some of the previous ones, is a character belonging to Stephen King's novel Carrie, and protagonist of three films with the same name, from 1976, 2002 and 2013. Her participation in the story and the details of her position in time will be given in later chapters.

—Doug Ames, who phones Matilda, is a main character in the movie Case 39 of 2009. Likewise, how this film will influence this story and its position in time, will be detailed later.

[mechaspirit]

Endless Summer Angst/Fluff Drabbles

Author’s note: This came from the Angst/Fluff Prompt list. @mysterium-choices requested it, but for some reason, I can’t find her blog to let her know about this. But anyway, here it is.

Tagging: @princesstopgun , @itsagoodluckkiss ,@sophie-summer , @xo-endlessmayhem-xo , @endlessly-searching-for-you , @sceptilemasterr , and @daniela2510 !

46. Dance with me

It’s not so hard for someone, like Jake, to sense a carefree spirit inside her. Under the starry night, Yurika moves her body and tapping to every steps and rhythm on the sand nearby the shore is mesmerizing. The way she dances gracefully to the beat coming from a group of Vaanti playing the drums causes him to look at her in adoration. It’s rare for him to look at her like that. Although he’s been with few other women and a few men before, and have a few flings here and there, he’s never felt so much connection with anyone other than her.

Rika was in a middle of a dance with Diego and Quinn until she made eye contact with the pilot. As if a mischievous idea hit her, she quickly went towards him with her hand out.

“C’mon, Jake. Dance with me.”

His eyebrow rose until he let out a laugh, “C’mon Princess, you should already know by now that it’s not my thing.”

“And you should know by now that I’m not going to stop trying,” she retorted almost playfully, “Please? Just one dance.”

There’s no way he could say no to her, especially with the way she was looking at him right now. All full of hope, love, and desire. Jake finally took her hand and let the latter led him to where their other friends are dancing right now. It only took a few minutes for both of them to get in sync and danced to the music. And Yurika can tell that Jake was having a good time.

“See, it wasn’t so bad, was it?” she asked him. The pilot laughed as gave the young college woman a twirl.

“I guess not. It’s not every day I would do this,” he responded, causing Yurika to smile a bit.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoy this because it’s not every day I would get to see this side of you.”

79. I don't care what anyone else thinks

All twelve Catalysts, plus Kele, decided to rest at the tree tower of the Quarr'tel. However, Yurika decided to step away from the group, wanting to be alone for a bit.

They already knew that she and the Endless are technically the same person, with one of them being significantly old enough to be anyone’s grandmother due to the effects of time traveling. Although they don’t show it, she can’t help but feel like they can’t trust her due to the Endless’s actions to keep them alive. Uqzhaal doesn’t for sure. Yurika could tell that he wouldn’t after that revelation but didn’t think that he would go as far as to poison her. Sure, she wanted to keep them alive and escape the island, but she didn’t want to lose their trust either. Hell, she doesn’t want any of them to hate her.

“They won’t,” Jake told her after he managed to get Yurika to tell him the problem she was dealing with, “They love too much to do that to you.”

“Jake, you saw what Uqzhaal did to me. It wouldn’t surprise me if he got the other Anachronists to side with him and do the same,” Yurika pointed out, still cringing from that unfortunate event “In fact, all he sees in me is the Endless. And he’s not going to let her get away for deceiving him.”

“Then, screw it. I don’t care what he thinks. Hell, I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” he held onto her, trying to soothe her by rubbing her back and kissing her on the forehead, “You’re you, Yurika. Not the Endless, and you already know that. Our Scooby Doo gang knows that...I know that.”

Realization and comfort slowly dawned on her as she slowly returned the embrace. Maybe Jake’s right. It may be true that the Endless is Yurika, but she is not her. She can prove that. Actually, she may have already did because she already has what she needed right now.

87. You're so adorable

The moment she saw Yvonne making a move on Jake by the time they entered the mansion, a twinge of jealousy snapped inside her. Yurika kept her cool, of course, not wanting to become a possessive bitch like most girls would do when they saw someone else getting way too close with their boyfriends. But it didn’t take away the fact that she is still clenching her jaw and curling her fist tightly to the point where it didn’t go unnoticed by her friend, Diego.

He did ask her what was wrong, but one look at his best friend’s face glaring right back at him told him to keep his mouth shut and not to bother her. Later on during their investigation, it turns out that Diego wasn’t the only one who noticed this behavior from Yurika.

“Mind telling me what’s going on, Princess?”

“Nothing’s going on? Why do you ask?” The young woman replied with a slight venom focusing more on random tropical plants she picked out and the golden bullet she gotten from the pirate queen.

“You’ve been acting like this since we’ve entered Jack Sparrow hideaway and barely escaped the death traps. And if I have to be honest, I’m startin’ to get concern here so you better fess up,” Jake stated, not buying her lie.

“I’m fine, okay?!” Yurika replied rather more forcefully than she has intended to. Then, she blurted out, “Why not hang out with that French pirate lady since it’s so obvious that she prefers your company?”

And then she immediately regrets say those words after she had realized what she had done. There was an awkward silence until that usual cocky grin appeared on Jake’s face and then he burst out laughing. Yurika’s cheeks flushed in embarrassment and glared at him.

“W-What’s so funny?!”

“Ha. Sorry. Never thought I would say this, but you’re so adorable when you’re jealous.”

Yurika’s cheeks became even more red, almost like a rose. She tried to protest at his remarks but failed the moment she struggled to form words in her mouth. She tried again but failed miserably. Then, she buried her face in her hands, desperately trying to hard to hide her embarrassment. The pilot chuckled at her reaction and gently cupped her face with his hand to make her look at him.

“Princess, you have nothing to worry about. Buccaneer Barbie means nothing to me,” Jake told her, “Besides, I already have my eyes on someone else.”

He kissed her passionately, to which she returned almost immediately.

[rydenbolt]

@thisbrutalbelle

Honorable mentions @scarlettxruby @strangerein @monsterbyamile @ianncardero @ephrampettaline

(Finally, edited and posted, way late! Tagged for everything under the sun because when these two talk about their fucked up lives, they need all the tags. Hope I didn’t miss anything, if I did, let me know! Also, we are missing the first few posts, they got lost in action lol Under read more because long, with disturbing convos.)

If the young wolf was bothered any by Bella’s lack of face paint, he didn’t show it. And as a matter of fact, he totally wasn’t. He hardly noticed the difference. But that was just Ryden not knowing anything about makeup in general. Neither his mom nor Sarah used much. So he ended up uneducated in these things. He still wondered what lash curler was used for. When Bellamy explained things further about what Ruby had done, Ryden couldn’t help cringe at that. That was… bad. Bad, bad move. People were probably shocked. “Yeesh… Well, I guess shit happens when you get drunk.” He shrugged. “I was there when she got bit. We weren’t sure if she would turn. I mean, there’s still a tiny chance she won’t, right?”

Bella pulled her lips to one side. She had known Ruby a while even if they hadn’t interacted often. Bella always hoped Ruby would mature a little, pull herself together, but it always seemed just out of reach for the human. Still, she didn’t know of Ryden’s exact relationship with her so didn’t intend to say anything when there was no specific need. However, as he continued she immediately ground her teeth. Of-fucking-course Ruby was turned directly in front of someone, of course she had dragged them into something like that and they were now stuck with that, with seeing that and feeling that worry for her she had incited in Bellamy, and in her ex-husbands, and Bellamy just folded her arms. “Honestly? Tiny, super fucking tiny, depending on when she was bit maybe bigger but…fuck, were you okay?” she asked him, unfolding her arms to reach up, the tips of her fingers moving his head this way and that before trailing his arms and feeling for any bite marks.

“I’m cool, babe. If there was anythin’, it’s long gone.” Ryden hummed, letting her turn his head this way and that to inspect him. It was nice, having someone to worry about him in a town full of basically strangers. “Don’t worry sweetness. I’m a tough cookie~ Wanna grab a drink with me by the way? I am thirsty yo… This heat, I can’t…” Ryden fanned himself with his hand a little - he wasn’t good with heat in general, being a furnace himself, but a place full packed of people, all this energy being burned into the air had Ryden practically drenched in sweat. For once, he just craved water. Gallons and gallons of it. In a pool he could submerge himself in, if possible.

Not noticing anything worrying on his form she let her hands fall. For all the two flirted with one another Bellamy knew it was mostly an outside amusement to the two of them. Perhaps one that bordered on inappropriate but they’d talked about things, and Bellamy trusted Ryden and that trust wasn’t based on nothing. He’d shared with her, he mattered to her. Perhaps most people were strangers but Bella felt like they were friends. “You definitely deserve a drink,” she smiled, starting over to the bar, lifting her hand and assisting in fanning him though it likely made no difference. “What is your place like, by the way? Because I can’t imagine your bath or shower is going to be very relaxing,” she teased him as she raised her hand and a bartender immediately came over. They brought Bellamy one of her usual drinks but waited for Ryden to order before grabbing it.

“Oh, well, I bunk with a nymph at the train tracks in this house he lives in. It’s cool, kind of reminds me of one of my childhood homes. Like… the fourth out of at least ten, heh.” Ryden joked but honestly, he haven’t had a proper bath - like, fill the tub up and soak in for hours - in months. Maybe longer. He took showers regularly though, while on the road, managing. If Ryden was anything, he was resourceful, easily swimming in whatever waters life decided to throw him in. He ordered water and a bunch of ice, and please make it a bucket-full, yes.

That sounded so weird, train tracks, she didn’t know there were that many places around there but she hadn’t yet been to Ryden’s home. Why go to his when her own was large, full of food, and had an amazing sauna bath? “That’s a lot of homes,” she noted. “Did you live with your parents?” It was hard to imagine people without them, purely because Bella had both until she was a teenager and her father bailed on them, but logically she knew that wasn’t always the case. “Well if you ever need an escape you can always use my place, I’m only there half the time anyway.”

“With my momma. We moved a lot cause we got evicted a lot. Cause we were piss poor.” Ryden explained, not looking phased about it. “Aww, babe. Not fun if ya ain’t there.” He gave her a gentle pinch to her side. His water was served and he practically chugged it down in one go, spilling some down his chin and chest. Then he dipped his entire hand into the bowl of ice, taking a handful and rubbed it against the back of his neck with a groan.

Bella nodded her head. She’d had friends like that but it had never been her life and she knew she could never totally grasp what that was like for an eight year old child. When she was eight she cried that the church wouldn’t put her in the Christmas pageant because she sounded like a screaming cat when she sang. “I lived in a white picket fence cul de sac Barbie dream house,” Bellamy told him. “But I still would have run away and lived with you because I made dumb decisions,” she smirked, looking at her own drink for a moment. She had run away sort of, thrown out actually but she could have gone back if she’d got sober. “Aww, maybe another night. I told Miles I’d crash at his place tonight,” she stated and the two of them needed to talk about him springing on her at the fry place whether or not she wanted to meet his kids. “But when I have a free night you can come over and we’ll wear swimmers in the sauna and watch movies and I’ll put you in a fancy robe.”

Ryden just had to bark out a laugh at that. “Baby, that sure would’ve been a very, very bad decision. Teen me was piss poor, on the streets most o'the time, kicked out of school and on a good path to become a criminal and a coke addict. No girls should be havin’ any o'that.” He admitted because it was true. By his eighteenth year, Ryden had no prospects, no future and no brain. And until Sarah came along, things weren’t any better. “No problem babe.” He nodded, totally not bothered by Bellamy choosing Miles over hanging out with him. It was perfectly normal and he had no problems with that. “Shit… You actually do have a sauna at your place, huh? You’re not shittin’ me??”

Bella scratched the back of her neck. “Basically was what I had,” she scrunched up her face. “I drank a lot back then, I mean, I drink now but my vampire body can take it. I drank to black out then and didn’t really…live up to my potential or whatever. All my friends were either drop kick addicts like me or dealers,” she ran her hand over her thigh, putting her drink down. “That’s sort of why I…choked you that first night we met. All your…tattoos freaked me out.” Bella swallowed saliva in her mouth, staring at her fingers still, watching as they balled into tiny fists hard against her thighs. “Reminded me of someone I knew with you that close to me, all I could see was your inked skin.” Obviously she didn’t feel that way now, she knew this was Ryden and that she was safe with him. Fortunately his words lifted her a little. “I do, and a steaming hot rain shower,” she smiled at him, lifting her head as he had her feelings. “And more bathbombs than I could ever need.”

No wonder they hit it off so quickly - Bella and Ryden were more similar than they realized. The young wolf nodded in understanding, the way a former addict would understand another one of their kind, without any further elaborate explanations on the topic. He knew exactly how it was. “Yeah I guess… us bein’ bitten and turned was kinna both a blessin’ and a curse, yeah? Cause when Sarah…” He swallowed a lump stuck in his throat. It was odd to be able to talk to someone about it so freely - to someone who knew enough of the story to understand. “When Sarah was killed, I woulda prolly gone back to it. Shit, the next day, when I came back from the police station and took care of everythin’ I… I took a hit so hard I fuckin’ lost meself so deep down the rabbit hole I reached China. Stayed coked up till the funeral. God knows what I did in that house those few days. Prolly contemplatin’ killin’ myself with a rusty spoon, heh.” He could laugh about it now, sure, but it actually mortified him. It mortified him that he broke the promise he gave to the woman he loved. He promised her he’d not get into trouble again, stay out of jail and get clean. The minute she was gone, he broke all of it. And that made him a trash of a person. Looking back at Bella, he was surprised to get an explanation on something he’d already forgotten all about. “That someone hurt you, baby?” He asked, although of course, Bella wasn’t obligated to explain. At the mention of a rain shower, Ryden groaned. “Oh my god, I always wanted to try those… Shit, baby doll, I might just take ya up on that offer and come over for some quality bath time.”

Bella usually would have laughed at his play on words but the fact was it wasn’t funny that something like that had happened, that Ryden had fallen down into that dark place when he lost someone. It was a twofold kind of hurt that Bellamy herself couldn’t completely grasp because she had never lost someone that exceptionally dear to her. Really she didn’t think his wife would have held his actions against him, surely she’d have been able to understand from where ever she was. Besides, Ryden was clearly clean now, a few days of hurt couldn’t possibly make or break who he was. “Was it the funeral that made you stop?” she asked him, hands still on her thighs. Hurt sounded like an exaggeration because at the time she was already so fucked up, what was this one act? What was the importance of it done a few times in the grand scheme of things? And really if she said yes other times… Bella shook her head, knowing her thoughts weren’t right but still feeling them anyway. “Yeah, I guess, sort of. You know how it is when you’re like that, it’s like you don’t really know what shit was really happening and what…what you did to be a part of it.” At his agreement of coming over to try the rain shower though she smiled happily. “A puppy and a doll having a bath, it sounds like we’re toys in some kids playroom,” she giggled.

Ryden huffed, chuckling bitterly. “No. Made me wanna do it again. The bite made me stop. For obvious reasons. It was just… bigger than that.” Ryden watched her as she practically admitted nothing but actually said far more than she meant. Ryden instantly figured it out. He dropped what was left of the ice back into the bowl to melt. “I lived in a bad hood. Like… real bad hood. There was this guy there, one of our neighbors, when I was twelve. He was sixteen an’ he was… well, he knew shit. He smoked, he had a few tats. He spoke like he put up with no shit. He could drive a car. Yanno. Cool stuff stupid boys like us found so fuckin’ impressive. So we flocked to Benny. Benny was our god. So one day, my momma sent me to the store, and I see Benny hangin’ out in the hallway, no shirt on, smoking a cig. He calls me up. I drop off the stuff, come up and am like, what’s up B? And he gets me into his apartment and asks me if I want some.” “Now, where I lived, ‘want some’ meant only two things. Not a snack. Not refreshments your momma brings to yer room for your friends. It meant, ya wan’t some crack or ya want some pussy. I froze. And said yeah. So he opens his bedroom and there was… this girl. We all knew her. I can’t… remember her name for the life of me but we knew who she was. She did things for a fix. Yanno. And she was lying there on the bed, naked as she can get, drugged up outta her mind. Benny closed the door. And there I was, standin’ like I crapped my drawers, twelve years old, scared shitless. Scared to hurt her, scared to get out and get beat for bein’ a pussy. Or worse, a fag. My hood suffered no homos.” “So I just stood there for long enough for Benny to think I did somethin’. And when I got out I put my zipper down, just to make it seem real. And outside in the livin’ room, Benny had called up other kids from the block in the meantime. And the next kid got in right after me…” Ryden ran his tongue over his teeth, looking away for a second. “I didn’t dare to get out of my room for days. Couldn’t get it out of my head.” He looked back down at Bella. As random as this story seemed, he shared it for a reason. He shared it because maybe Bellamy would share hers too. Because he could guess really well what happened to drunk, drugged up girls when they went out. And it was horrible. Absolutely horrible. But then a smile twitched his lips apart and he threw an arm around her, pulling her close. “Sounds so fuckin’ cute I think I’ll die, yo~”

Bella felt awful things down her spine as Ryden spoke, immediately feeling out of place in the crowded restaurant that had become a club for the night. Her hands made their way from her thighs to her arms and wrapped around herself, fingers buried in the fur of her jacket. She knew exactly the kind of guy that he was talking about because that was Jason to a T. The tats, the drugs, the car, all that stuff that made him seem like hot shit even though he was one of the only other white people in their neighborhood. The more Ryden spoke the worse Bellamy felt, a churning in her stomach as he spoke about seeing this girl, lying on a bed completely fucked up. Bella knew what that was like beyond a shadow of a doubt. Admittedly she was scared of what Ryden would say next, after all he was twelve, it wasn’t just happening to this woman, it was happening to him too. This shady fucking guy telling him to do this awful and fucked up thing. But he didn’t, he pretended but he didn’t and that made her feel a little relief. To imagine Ryden would have been hurt that way, to have the memory of doing that would have broken her tiny vampiric heart. Still, it was traumatizing but at least he could look back and know he hadn’t done it.  “I think you were pretty strong not to cave. All these people telling you that to be something you had to do this fucked up thing and you didn’t,” she said, still clinging to herself, already wishing she had more drinks than what was before her. Yet the cocktail was still there and she reached for it, finishing the whole thing. It was habit now more than addiction. The only thing she could be addicted to now was blood but it was the idea that she could get blacked out and fucking forget like she’d done throughout her youth that made her still instinctively reach for her drink. “I don’t know if where I lived was bad, but…I hung out with bad sorts of people because - because my life wasn’t real, least I didn’t believe it was. There was this guy, Jason, and he would give me rides places and when I didn’t want to be at school I’d drive around with him while he dealt and we’d fuck and steal from convenience stores, and then, you know, eventually we’d be somewhere everyone was drinking and smoking and doing shit and sooner or later I’d be blacked out. I honestly don’t remember like half of being a teenager but…,” she paused, placing her glass down in case she grasped it so hard she broke it. Bellamy hadn’t told anyone specifically what had happened, the first person she tried to tell had told her it was her own fault, and so telling others became too scary. What if they felt the same? Iann and Ephram assumed but never asked, seeing how much Bella blamed herself. “I remember some stuff, hazes of things. I remember him climbing on top of me and my hands not working, like I tried lifting and pushing but nothing happened but laughter. And there were others, his friends, whenever I was like that and whenever I was just…fucked. I don’t know how often it happened but…when I was fine I mean, I still slept with him, I still slept with lots of people, probably even the people that…whatever. So, why wouldn’t they think it was okay, you know? If I was sober I probably would have said yes.” Immediately she was trying to justify it, trying to say how it was okay what had happened, that her feeling like she had been hurt was stupid because she had done things before or after that allowed it. She was so young, and so lost, and now it was hard not to blame that stupid girl, even if it still made her sick to think of what had happened. “I don’t think it was anyone as young as you were though.” Think being a key word that frightened her even more.

“How could I cave in? Everythin’ in me screamed against it. It’s not strong. It’s… shit, it was wrong and I just couldn’t do it…” Ryden shook his head. Looking at him, everyone probably thought he had been picking up girls early on with that pretty face and smooth talking, leather jacket and the bike. He didn’t. He’d barely managed to get himself a girlfriend in high school after this and they haven’t done much till he was eighteen. Things like these happening throughout his life made the teenage Ryden into one very withdrawn, angry boy, scared of ending up like his no good dad, who got a seventeen-year-old pregnant and left. Scared of becoming a bully while at the same time being scared of what would happen to him if he didn’t fit in. Would some little fuck come up to him and pull out a knife, stab him in the gut cause someone spread the word around that he was a homosexual cause they heard he didn’t play around? Would someone wait for him in a dark alley, beat his face into the concrete within an inch of death because he went chickenshit on something everyone else seemed so proud of? Growing up with these uncertainties was not happy camping. Not in the least. And sometimes even Ryden himself wasn’t sure how he got past his twenties. Listening to Bellamy speak, it was hard not to give this guy Ryden’s face. Ryden understood perfectly well why Bellamy reacted the way she did that night at the Horned God. When she was talking about Jason, Ryden clearly saw himself. That was his life too - dealing, living on the streets, robbing stores, vending machines, ATMs, stealing cars and selling the parts or just going for joyrides before leaving the vehicle wrecked up in some ditch. Drinking, doing coke, doing some pot, meth even. Crack. Whatnot. Ryden had been everything but strong as a kid. He’d been a fucking coward. As cowardly as this Jason dude. Given, at least he’d never forced himself on anyone. If he beat someone up it was because they would strike first. If a girl said no, he backed away. If he was too drunk or high, if he blacked out, he blacked out where no one would see, where he wouldn’t do something stupid. Mostly next to a dumpster, in his own puke. Or in some ditch. Or on a bench. It was sad, pathetic, stupid. Not much different from that prick Bella hung out with. “Babe… Between a yes and the silence there’s a whole world of difference. A guy needs to be one seriously sick asshole to touch a girl who’s not feelin’ well. To touch a girl who… blacked out. Who can’t speak, can’t move… It’s sick and those dudes make me wanna barf. What they did was… it was rape, baby. It was not fine, it was not okay just cause ya slept with 'um b'fore. It was sick and it was rape. End of story. No excuses. The only thing ya did wrong, baby doll, is that you didn’t love yourself enough to walk away from it. To walk away from an asshole who would leave his girl helpless, defenseless for every ugly, vile motherfucker to hurt and use.”

To have such conviction at such a young age was strong though. Bellamy didn’t imagine many of those kids walked into that room able to not do anything because obviously Ryden had been scared about it being found out he hadn’t done anything. This older kid, in a place where no one was really looking out for you, people would do what they had to. Didn’t make it right, didn’t make it okay, but also didn’t make it fucking easy to not become something awful. “But to be twelve and to think it was wrong, to know it was wrong and to not do it even though you had some fucked up guy telling you that you had to… I mean, that’s fucked up what was happening and you did the right thing, puppy,” she said, reaching out and taking his hand in her own, squeezing it gently. He didn’t much feel like a puppy anymore but he was still that to her, incredibly sweet and loyal and clearly not willing to hurt people without cause. As Ryden said what she had seen in shows, heard in ads and read on the internet she knew logically he was right. These were things she had told herself but it was hard to believe it. It was hard to think someone you considered a friend would really want to hurt you, that they did it knowing it was wrong, and beyond that it was hard when she had been told before that it was her fault, that she put herself in that place. Believing that was so much easier than believing that she really had been…raped. A word she barely liked to think, and certainly felt uncomfortable saying. “Takes a while to love yourself,” she mused, still holding onto Ryden’s hand. “Moment I found out my parents had me to perpetuate the lie that their relationship was I just…I don’t know, didn’t figure I really mattered very much. And so it was easier to get drunk and forget I existed. You had a reason you turned to everything you did, right?”

“Yeah.. well…” Ryden shrugged his broad shoulders, suddenly looking small and shrunk despite his bulk. “I wish I stayed that kid… That kid might’ve not done some other stuff I did.” He brought her hand up, kissing over her knuckles real quick before he lowered it down again, returning the gentle squeeze. “Yeah, it does… Live and learn I guess.” Reaching for another sip of the ice cold water, Ryden shrugged again. “I suppose, but I went about it in the stupidest way possible. I was just sick of bein’ poor. Sick of seein’ momma cry over bills she couldn’t pay. Sick of her not havin’ pretty things like make up, clothes, purses, what not. Sick of seein’ her work eighteen hours a day for minimum wage, tryin’ to raise a kid on her own. So, instead of helpin’ her out the right way, I went lookin’ for shortcuts. Given, the place I lived at didn’t teach me no better but my momma did try. And I didn’t listen. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess. My old man was the same way. Guess it’s in my blood.” Looking back at Bellamy, expression softening to one not usually found on Ryden’s features. “I’m so sorry, sweet thing… So sorry for the things that happened to ya. No girl deserves that. Wish I could take it away, wipe that slate clean for ya.”

Bella wished the same. That she could have done something for him, made it easier. Nothing he said sounded shocking considering the people she had surrounded herself with as a human. It’s why she paid ridiculously well at Erzebet’s, why she was pretty fucking lenient about people taking time off. How could she not pay someone with kids enough to support them? How could she ask they miss their birthday for something as stupid as bringing people their food? There was always someone else who had a free day. With his lips on her hand she smiled gently. Such an odd time and place for all of this but the loudness of the dancing people helped make it a little easier. “You still have your Mum?” she asked him, wondering if she even knew where Ryden was now. “And when you’re a kid it’s easy to just…want to make things easy because shits already so fucking hard. You really think you’re like your Dad now?” she questioned. “Wish I could for you too,” she told him, moving closer and wrapping her arms around his middle, soft cheeks against his firm chest, getting neon paint on her cheeks but not minding in the slightest. “I never told anybody that though, so…,” she rolled off, hoping Ryden got the implication. She wouldn’t say anything about his stuff to anyone, and she was sure he would do the same.

“Yup, still got my sweet momma.” Even though Ryden only had her, he loved his family nevertheless, despite all the stupid stuff he did. Genna was the only person in Ryden’s life who never gave up on him, never left him and was always there. She was the reason he was here now - to keep trouble away from her. To at least keep her safe. Wrapping his arms around Bella as she hugged him, he shrugged his shoulders. No one could hear them in this noise and to any who had nothing better to do than pay attention to them, they couldn’t ever guess what they’ve been talking about. “I don’t know… Sometimes? I try not to be.” He really didn’t know. Because he knew that partially, he was being irrational about it. This like father like son enchanted circle was still something Ryden was trying to run away from. And he wasn’t sure how far away from it he’d gotten. “Yeah…” He muttered softly, kissing the top of her blonde head. “I’ll take it to the grave, babe. Scouts honor.” He promised as he let her go.

“You should bring her by,” Bellamy told him, a smile coming onto her face as she realized Ryden wasn’t alone. Her own mother was in her life but she’d never been close to Bellamy, Louise had always created a purposeful distance between herself and her daughter. Besides, if his mother truly had done so much for him then she deserved to have some things done for her. “Treat her to some spa treatments at Antoinette’s, dinner here when it’s not like this,” she insisted. Maybe he didn’t want to see his mother here, or maybe he wanted more control over what he was before he brought her by. “Well, I think you’re wonderful, and if your dad sucks then you’re not like him to me,” Bellamy assured, squeezing him gently as she held him in her arms, it was hard to let go after all of that. It was a strange relief to let it out to someone, to really share. Bella knew that for Ryden he’d probably shared with Sarah, and perhaps others from before he came here, but she was happy she could possibly bring him some relief in the town as he was giving her. “As if you were a Scout,” Bellamy teased, pulling away and looking up at him with that big grin on her face.

“No.” Ryden refused, instantly, shaking his head. “No, she can’t come here. I can’t let her… I can’t let her know these things. Nope.” God how he’d love to bring her here. Take care of her. Pay her back for all the things she’d done for him and have her not work another day till the rest of her life. God, he’d love that. But she can’t know about the supernatural world. About what he’d become. The thought of her being scared of her own son, of a child she gave birth to but had been turned to something else now… He couldn’t stand seeing her realize this. Seeing her afraid of him. And more terrifyingly, he could not endanger her by bringing her here with him. He was away from her for a reason. It made him tense up instantly to even think about these things. Chasing those thoughts away with a roll of his shoulders, he managed a small smirk. “Thanks, babe. Appreciated…” But her teasing did earn her a pout. “Oi! I’d make a mighty good one if they took me in, let it be known!”

Bella watched him shake his head, frowning a little as she tried to understand. She’d seen how others wanted to keep their families separate and assumed she just would never be able to understand. Her mother and father hadn’t loved her the way most children were loved and kids knew that so Bellamy had never felt very capable of loving them back. Iann she loved like family but…he had always known. “Perhaps you could pay her a visit then, borrow some of my cars, take her to a nice dinner, go see a show or something,” she suggested with a smile. Whatever the case if he had his mother Bellamy didn’t want him to lose her because of what he was now. “I mean, you might have looked cute in the little uniform with all of your tattoos, and admittedly I love the idea you know how to tie a knot or two but, come on, boy scout?” she asked with a raised brow.

“Yeah… maybe one day.” Ryden concluded this particular topic with that, because going deeper into it would require explaining who the Man in Black was and what exactly Ryden was doing here, so far away from home. And that might endanger not only Bellamy but maybe even others he’d met in this town. If they didn’t know, they wouldn’t have the need to protect him and in turn, the Man in Black will not lash out and hurt anyone for it or worse. If he tries to pass through this town. “Hey, at least it could be a good porn movie theme.” He shrugged, giving Bellamy a wicked grin, especially if she proclaimed that that was gross and totally inappropriate.

Ryden seemed quite resistant to discussing his mother which was strange considering all he had shared. There was no intention on her part to push though, signaling the bartender to bring her another drink as her own way of acknowledging the conclusion of the topic. She was sure that there was a reason, there had to be but Ryden had already shared so much of himself Bellamy knew that she didn’t need to be greedy, eventually she would know. When he felt comfortable enough with the topic itself, or with himself, or whatever it was that was blocking him. “Well if you ever decide to do it then we know what your first movie will be,” she smirked. “Personally I don’t think I have the personality for it but you? I could see it.”

“Nawww, contrary to all beliefs actually. I would seriously be bad at it. I mean, yeah, sure, I’d look good on camera or whatever but the moment I’d have to do it, I’d be like… yeah, nope, camera shy, sorry, he’s hiding now, byeeee, heh.” Although Ryden liked to joke about it and had the kind of vulgar humor that would make any prude’s skin crawl, it was the truth. Aside from how he looked, he wasn’t really made to be a porn star or alike, and neither did he plan to do it. Still, he did admire the people who could. “I guess we’ll both just have to settle for sendin’ amateurish nudes to whoever’s interested, heh.”

Bella snorted as he said he’d be camera shy, amused by the picture of a confident Ryden becoming quite small the moment a camera was turned in his direction. “Mine are not amateur, any picture of me is practically art,” she insisted, though her phone filled with selfies said quite the contrary. If she needed that many shots of one outfit or make-up look from one angle then it lost its credibility as art and just became insta-hoeing. “I’m sure yours are amateur though, awkwardly angled ab shots with your sweatpants vaguely visible. And with all your tattoos photoshopping yourself would be much harder,” she happily teased, linking her arm with his own. It was nice they had relaxed, especially since eventually he’d have to get back up on stage.

“Oooh, excuse us mere mortals standin’ in the presence of such greatness~” Ryden chirped with a wide grin, giving the petite vamp a little nudge with his elbow before they linked their arms together. “Yeah, I’m terrible at it but hey! I always looked better in person. That sure counts for far more likes than on Facebook.” He shrugged, ordering another glass of ice-chilled water. Because he was still kind of dying.

“Facebook? How old are you again?” Bella continued to tease, watching as he ordered more water. She’d never know what that sort of need felt like again. The need of someone living to quench a thirst not because they were an unholy creature but because they’d been sweating like mad for hours in a very crowded location. She missed it and thoughtlessly her fingers trailed along the warmth of his arm, hoping she might feel it by proxy. She didn’t. “How many of those are you going to need to get back up there, puppy?” she asked, raising her hand for another cocktail. It would do nothing but…it would feel like she wasn’t just standing there like a strange dead thing.

“Olllddd~ Still stuck in the age of VHS and push button desk phones.” Glancing down at her, Ryden gave her a look. “You know what? You’re a slave driver. Fine, fine! I’m goin’!” He moved to leave, but it was obvious he was joking about it.

Bella rolled her eyes. She was twenty-four so she could still remember VHS tapes and push button desk phones but they were definitely hazy childhood memories. It was actually weird to think of, remembering using a cordless house phone to call her friends in elementary school. Then in high school everyone with their colorless nokia phones. When he pulled to leave though she just gripped him tighter, pulling him back to her. “No, I need you for as long as you can spare for me.”

Of course Ryden didn’t intend to leave yet, so it was easy to pull him back to sit. The party was perfectly capable to go on without him for at least another fifteen minutes. He grinned at her. “Oh, she needs me now. Go figure.” He took another long sip of ice water. “So, ya been to get some fries and didn’t bring me some? I’m miffed.”

“I actually felt a little bad leaving without you,” Bella admitted. Ryden had worked so hard on the party and to leave for something like fries felt cruel but she hadn’t wanted to abandon Miles in favor of Ryden, especially when he was busy. “You didn’t miss much but a little drama though.”

“S’okay, babe. Drama’s not my thing anyway.” Ryden reassured her, definitely not annoyed because he’d been left to manage by himself. As a matter of fact, he’d hardly noticed anyone was gone. They had a full house tonight and he was kept busy. And talking about busy, he would have to go up there soon for real. Maybe after another drink with his baby doll though.

[crazy-noonoohead]

So no one told you life was gonna be this way. *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP!*

I’ve spent the past two months re-watching all of Friends from beginning to end (that’s right, all ten seasons in two months), and I just finished the series a couple of days ago. This was a project I had wanted to take on for a while now (and yes, binge-watching a TV show totally counts as a project, especially one that ran as long as Friends), and thanks to Netflix, I was finally able to do it. Friends is the first TV show that I remember ending. I spent most of my childhood under the assumption that TV shows just kept going until they got abruptly cancelled or the entire cast died of old age, but then the words “series finale” entered my life. Watching it now is a very different experience than watching it when it was on TV, and I have some thoughts.

Things that don’t hold up (I forgive these things because we were a lot less conscious of them in the 90s/early 2000s than we are now, but it’s still important to acknowledge the parts that would be considered offensive if the show had been written in this decade):

*Awful lot of straight, white, cisgender, thin people in New York City. In ten seasons, I think there have been three interracial relationships, and two involved the same person outside of the friend group (Ross and Julie, Joey and Charlie, Ross and Charlie). If I missed any, someone please let me know.

*Toxic masculinity. A lot of the jokes in this show give me an “LOL STRAIGHT MEN DOING SOMETHING FEMININE” vibe now (nap buddies, Chandler calling Joey a woman when he gets into potpourri, Chandler and Joey worrying if they hug too often). If those same jokes were in a script today, I would want them to make fun of the internalized toxic masculinity instead of making fun of the actions themselves. Although, in the episode where Ross freaks out about Ben having a Barbie doll, his side is clearly written as the wrong one, so they get points for that.

*Body shaming jokes. This one gets more of a pass, because even Monica joked about how she used to be overweight (“I WAS the pile of coats!”), but a lot of the comments about her past appearance would be criticized a lot more heavily today. Unfortunately, this is still an issue in media, but I think viewers are more likely to call TV shows out on it now than we were then.

*Ross’ jealous, controlling tendencies were written as funny quirks. Now I know to stay away from people who have those qualities as strongly as Ross does. That’s not endearing. That leads to unhealthy relationships.

*Trigger warning: Sexual assault.    They completely made light of the fact that Joey’s tailor sexually assaulted him for most of his life. While I admit I still laughed at the “That’s not how they do pants!” line, I don’t think a network would even dream of having that happen to any of the women on the show. Also, Paolo didn’t “make a move on” Phoebe. What he did was harassment.

*Semi-related to the last one, there was the occasional comment about characters liking certain celebrities who were later revealed to have sexually harassed and/or assaulted people. I 100% don’t fault the writers for this because they couldn’t have known, but watching now, with that knowledge, I definitely had some “...Oh” moments. Of course now I can’t think of any examples, but I know I’ve gotten that feeling a few times.

*With the exception of Rachel, everyone starts the show with stable jobs and enough financial security to live independently in nice apartments in their mid/late 20s. REALLY? Maybe that was easier in the 90s, but it wasn’t THAT easy. I’m now older than these characters were at the beginning of the series, and very few of my friends have moved out of their parents’ houses. Our 20s aren’t as grown up as we used to think.

Things that totally still hold up:

*Everyone’s comedic timing! They may not be the greatest, most versatile actors ever (I still see their Friends characters in other roles they’ve played), but they’re still very funny and they delivered their lines and reactions in just the right ways.

*The bittersweet, mostly-feel-good, classic sitcom ending. Its series finale had every quality most people would expect and want, and while most of my favorite series finales don’t wrap everything up neatly, this one did so in a good, effective way. I do have that “one coupling in a TV friend group is enough” mindset, and I even thought that when I first watched the finale at 13, but I still wasn’t bothered by Rachel getting off the plane. Although, I cared more that it would be easier for Ross to see Emma than I did about his relationship with Rachel.

*Their willingness not to shy away from some of the more serious life events, obviously aside from the one I mentioned earlier in this note. The best example is when Monica and Chandler found out they probably couldn’t have children. This was one of the only times Chandler didn’t try to lighten the mood with a joke, because it was a big deal and had to be treated as such. Showing the difficulty of the adoption process added to this, because while I may not have personal experience in the matter (yet), I know it’s not easy.

*Alternatively, finding the humor in serious situations. Phoebe had a very disturbing past, but the way she talked about it so casually is still funny. No one’s laughing at her mom’s death (hopefully), but the show allows us to laugh at her willingness to joke about it...and use it to guilt-trip people into giving her what she wants.

*How quickly Chandler accepted his dad after going to his show. I don’t think his issues were ever with his dad being gay, but more that he left, and the person he left for also happened to be a man. Yes, there were jokes about his dad wearing dresses in public, but of course that bothered him as a child, because kids in elementary and middle school are mean and used that to make fun of him. Allowing himself to move past that and reconnect with his dad after years of not speaking was a great moment in the series, and again, wasn’t played as a joke. Something funny probably happened immediately after that, but the moment itself was taken seriously.

*So many things are still relatable. The struggles of finding a job, eventually finding a new job you really love, finding meaningful romantic relationships (for those of you who are interested in those), etc. will always be relevant. Watching Rachel’s journey from someone who still relied on her parents’ money to someone with enough financial independence has a lot more meaning to me now than it did when the show first aired.

*Going back to Ross being jealous and controlling, I like that Rachel got mad and called him out instead of immediately forgiving him because it meant that he cares about her. His actions may have made the audience laugh, but he still didn’t get away with it.

*Despite the lack of non-white characters, the few interracial relationships just were. Julie happened to be Asian and Charlie happened to be black, and no one made a thing out of it.

*All six characters have both flattering and not so flattering qualities, and you never doubt that they genuinely care about each other. I don’t think I need to elaborate any more.

Other random thoughts:

*I’m definitely the most like Phoebe, but I have Chandler’s sarcastic humor, as well as some aspects of Monica in the way I like some things organized.

*I want a CD of all of Phoebe’s songs. “Smelly Cat” is still better than the entire score to [show title redacted].

*A lot of cool celebrity cameos/guest stars, most of which are people I wouldn’t start recognizing until years later! (Hank Azaria, Jane Lynch, Billy Crystal, Robin Williams, Ellen Pompeo, Ron Glass, Mae Whitman, and Danny DeVito, to name a few.)*I never watched Mad About You, but now that I know Ursula is a character on that show, I appreciate the cross-over.

*There’s a fan theory that Ross has Asperger’s, and I’m into it.

*Rachel ordering the lobster on her date with Joey was definitely a shout-out to “He’s her lobster” back in the second season, her getting sick from what she thought was the lobster was an indication that they didn’t belong together, and her getting sick right before she has an affair with him in the alternate universe episode proves that even more (shout-out to my friend Tracy for bringing that last part to my attention), and nothing will convince me otherwise.

*To help myself ease out of the withdrawal, I started watching Joey. It’s not as bad as I remember people saying it was, but...it’s not that good. With the exception of Joey, the characters are pretty one-dimensional, and a lot of the jokes feel forced. The fact that I only remembered two things from the show (memorizing a monologue but performing it at the wrong play, and presenting an award to the wrong person YEARS BEFORE STEVE HARVEY DID IT) says a lot about its quality. As much as I love Joey, I think the wrong friend got the spin-off. The one I’d really like to see is about Phoebe’s life before she met the rest of the group. Just like she always does, she’d be able to find the humor even in the toughest of times, and I think it would be a very interesting story.

*I still hear, “we’d come up to poop in your ear” instead of, “your week, your month, or even your year,” despite knowing better.

*They were most definitely, without a single doubt, on a break.

So parts of Friends didn’t age well, but 10-20 years from now, we’ll be saying the same thing about beloved TV shows from this decade. And in my personal opinion, the parts that did age well outweigh the parts that didn’t, which is why I love it just as much now as I did back then. I’m thrilled that after all these years, it’s still there for me, like it’s been there before.

[misspandalily]

update - PIVOT!

Thanks for the support everyone!

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Dating, simply put, is the action of going out with a particular, possibly special someone, for a night of fun - dinner and a movie, maybe a hike through the forest, or an hour in an escape room. Tenten is laid back when it comes to dates, mainly because she hasn't been one in so long and as a result is willing to try anything. She doubts she'll ever meet the coveted 'One' on a first date with a handsome stranger, and even then that 'One' needs to pass the millions of tests she has in store for them before they she's fully comfortable with entertaining the notion of marriage, or love (whichever comes first). Namely, culinary prowess, knowledge of knives, humour, intelligence, and the pinnacle of them all: compatibility with her friends.

They're not awful by any means - the fou-five people she calls her best friends, that is - they all happen to be very lovely, very funny individuals with great personalities. It's just that they're all unhealthily attached to each other, and any newcomers who intrude on their group dynamic via dating have their own examinations to pass before they're accepted into their folds. Sure, Hinata didn't have to go through that but she's Neji's cousin and any family members are automatically considered welcome.

It's horribly elitist of them. They will literally be sitting with each other in a ramen-house after work every day for the rest of their lives - they hope.

In any case, her date went so well. Jugo was recently divorced - had broken the anniversary watch she'd left at their old home - and surprisingly kind, for someone who slices through meat with his cleaver like it's balsa wood, and gentlemanly. He'd held open the door, pulled the chair out for her to sit, was genuinely interested in the conversational pieces they'd had about cooking, and to top it all off - was incredibly good-looking.

It was like she'd won the lottery. Tenten'd given herself a mental pat on the back for choosing so well after four years of self-imposed abstinence.

When they were both nearly done with their meals, Jugo placed his fork on the table. "Tenten," he said apologetically, "About what we're going to do, you know - after this."

Ah. She recalled being explicitly told that sex wasn't in the cards for either of them tonight.

"Well, you're a great person, and I feel like I should tell you about - this kind of fifth-date revelation."

"Is there going to be a fifth date?" Tenten smiled at him cheekily. He flushed.

"If you want."

Tenten nodded, because why not, and he continued.

"Ever since my ex-wife walked out on me, I haven't been able to...perform sexually for two years. It's a little embarrassing," Jugo looked down at his plate and Tenten felt a surge of pity for him.

She placed her hand over his and smiled. "I'm glad you broke her watch."

Jugo returned her smile with a star-struck gaze. "So do you - do you still want that fifth date after hearing all that?"

"Yeah, I do."

And then she comes to work the next morning, grinning from ear to ear, swearing that the sun's smiling at her because holy kami, she had sex last night and nothing can ruin her mood today. Not even the sauce that goes wrong too early in the morning, which she fixes because she's a boss at fixing sauces, and not even the arrival of a prissy Shion who regularly makes predictions about which customer will storm out of the restaurant and on which night more often than she makes desserts.

It is Shion, of all people, who picks up on her good mood. "You had sex last night," she states matter-of-factly.

Tenten stops mixing the flour and glances at her, surprised. "How do you know?"

Shion shrugs. "So who was it?"

Tenten decides that as much as she dislikes Shion, she hasn't told anyone about her night yet (not even Sakura, who was asleep and moping over her wedding) so she might as well get it over and done with. "Jugo."

"Oh," Shion gives Tenten that mysterious smile she always does when she knows something someone else doesn't, "Jugo the Meat Guy. I know him."

She finds that fact strange. While Tenten regularly crosses paths with the meat section to grab ingredients, dessert and meat don't mix all too often - if at all- so she isn't sure how Shion knows Jugo. "You mean, you know him like I know him?"

"Yes," the woman affirms without a blink, "I'm happy for you two. When I was dating him, he told me that he hadn't had sex in two years!"

Tenten drops her wooden spoon and stares at the half-mixed flour in muted shock, then drops the watch he'd left over at her apartment yesterday and resolutely crushes it with the heel of her boot.

Sasuke works in a curatorial position at the Museum of Pre-historic History under the anthropology department. He walks into his office every morning with a cup of coffee - black, like his soul - and gently sets it on the designated spot on his desk, then slaps his computer awake and undergoes the tedious process of picking up his paperwork and compiling resources for his thesis. The files are in surplus at this time of the year, so he doesn't get to do his daily rounds in the exhibits as long as he normally does. But when he does get around to it, he examines and picks at the wax models of australopithecus africanus so thoroughly that his assistants are exasperated and on the verge of hitting him over the head after an hour.

He loves his job, alright.

It's the only part of his life that's been constant lately, with Temari's demand (and success) for a divorce, her moving out of their home and into an apartment with Shikamaru - who even names their daughter Shikamaru? - and Sakura's arrival from the pages of a Vogue Wedding edition.

When he's around fake pre-historic people, with their clubs and their simplistic lifestyles, he feels like at the very least, he's a member of the homo sapiens species and look how far they've come? Modern humans don't need to bang people over the head with their clubs, and Sasuke Uchiha is a modern human with an IQ of 150 and is thus very capable of rational thought.

Although, hypothetically, and if Shikamaru were male, that notion may be under question.

"Mr Uchiha," one of his assistants speak up from behind a rock and points his thumb at the glass pane, "I think your ex-wife is here to see you."

He feels his back straighten out and stiffen. "No, she's not."

The assistant starts to look and sound confused, and Sasuke attempts to send him mental death-waves from where he's standing, which is facing away from the pane and definitely not willing to see the former love of his life again. If the employee knows what's best for him, he'll pretend that Temari isn't there.

"But she is." Sasuke resolves to fire him as soon as she's gone. "Temari! Hi!"

He exhales through his nostrils and swivels around to see his assistant walking out and Temari stepping through a bush to greet him. "Temari."

"Sasuke," she replies warmly. "You look good."

He nods. "As do you." She truly does, as much as he hates that she looks considerably happier without him. The air is as awkward as it's been for the past half-year, so he decides to clear it in the only way he knows how with people who divorce him because they're not into men. "Why are you here."

"I'm pregnant."

Strictly speaking, the first time Sasuke had been present at a sonogram screening was when he was in Mikoto Uchiha's womb. He'd been told that his father was driving Itachi to school and Tenten was sitting in a nearby chair with her Barbie chef doll and minding her own business while the doctor put a stick to his mother's stomach and moved it around.

It's his first time witnessing that happen now, and he isn't sure how he feels about it.

The presence of his ex-wife's girlfriend didn't help either.

"Shikamaru Nara," the woman greets him with a handshake and a lazy, appraising expression. Her hair is spiky, her eyes droopy, her entire demeanour screaming laid back and suave - everything he isn't. Apparently, and according to his sister, he's too wound up (bullshit).

"Sasuke Uchiha."

The doctor walks in with a tray of instruments, greets them warmly and settles Temari into the hospital cot. "I'll be back in a few moments."

When she leaves, Sasuke looks at the two of them looking at each other lovingly. "Does the doctor know...about our situation?"

"Yes," says Temari, "And she's very understanding." Shikamaru grabs a water bottle from her bag and passes it to Temari, who receives it with a brief, nervous smile. "This is my first time seeing the baby."

Sasuke softens his gaze and nods. "What are we going to name it?"

"Shikadai if it's a boy, Yoshino if it's a girl," Shikamaru interjects immediately. "Yoshino is my mother's name." Sasuke feels the beginnings of a tantrum coming on and clenches his jaw.

"Are you telling me that my child will be named after your family? How selfish could you possible be."

"Shika and I made this decision together, Sasuke," Temari sends him a very familiar, very reproachful glare.

"I'm the other biological parent, not your-"

"Lesbian lover," Shikamaru practically smirks.

He fumes. "I should have a say in what my child's name will be."

"Then shoot," Shikamaru glares back at him, "Now's your chance."

"Naori. Naori Uchiha." They freeze and stare at each other awkwardly. Shikamaru mutters 'troublesome' under her breath. "What?"

"We're not naming the baby Naori Uchiha."

"Then how about Naka?"

Temari breathes in and out. "We're not naming the baby 'Uchiha'."

He feels the sting of rejection again, only this time it hurts a lot more. He hasn't been the most attentive husband to her, by reasons only half his fault, but at the very least a baby should have united them in some way. To hear Temari cut him out of his own flesh and blood like that makes him feel like punching a wall repeatedly - and Sasuke is known for having an excellent sense of self-control whenever he's in the right mindset.

"We're naming it Nara-Sabaku."

"What?" Sasuke feels the tips of his ears heat up. "I don't recall Little Miss Gothic here producing any sperm."

"Yeah," Shikamaru bites back, "And we all know what a problem that is."

"Stop it, you two," Temari shouts just as the doctor comes in, blissfully unaware of their delicate situation, and swiftly sets up the machinery. Temari's reddened cheeks tone down in colour the more the doctor speaks to her with reassuring words, and holds the hand that Shikamaru proffers apologetically.

Sasuke watches them, still irate, and walks towards the door. "If you don't want me to raise my own child, then so be it. I'm done."

Then he hears it. The gentle whirring of the machine sending its sound waves into Temari's womb. Sasuke turns his head marginally and sees a figure appearing in the screen, small and stark white against the black backdrop. Without meaning to, Sasuke finds himself edging closer and closer towards the ultrasound image and leaning down to have a closer look at the screen.

That's his baby.

A tear leaks out of Temari's eye, prompting her to squeeze Shikamaru's hand like Christmas just arrived early.

That's their baby.