More weirdo older bf Simon 🙏
this is from the alternate universe!simon where he’s still older bf!simon but a weird old perv 🫶🏼 (implied ghoap at the end)
it’s cold, cold enough that older bf!simon can see his breath.
he can also hear johnny’s teeth rattling, mostly cold but there’s a hint of-
“fuckin’ boring- shite end of the stick”
boredom.
hold up in fuck knows where in the freezing cold with a rifle laid across his thighs listening to johnny whinge his fucking ear off.
“course gaz didnae have t’do this- pretty boy never has t’freeze his bollocks off”
simon gets how shit this is, believe him.
it’s shit that he and johnny have to sit frozen (figuratively and literally) and just wait for the target to appear.
it’s been three days, the fucker isn’t showing.
but what’s worse (because simon argues he has the worse end of that shitty stick) is that he had to up and leave you.
got the call while you were in the shower, he’d barged through the door you could’ve sworn you’d locked and once he got you to stop screaming he’d had to break the news.
“m’off”
“oh, ok- for how long?”
“not sure, a bit”
only hint of a silver lining was the “good luck, be safe” reach around you gave him when he peeled his kit off and joined you in the water.
he really felt like he was beginning to make progress with you.
yes, you still were a little uneasy with his staring problem and yes, he still needed to learn to ask “please” and not just put your hand in his pants.
but you hadn’t left yet.
and to simon? shit, that’s as good as a hand in marriage.
he didn’t even have the pleasure of sitting in silence and missing you- not with that little bastard in his ear.
“can’ye check again, L.t?”
fuck sakes.
reluctantly, simon takes his phone out one of the pockets on his vest because, as much as johnny was doing his nut it-
he just had to know.
he chooses the app that brings up the livestream of cameras around your shared home. does his obligatory check of the outside perimeter, makes sure nobody is taking liberties.
then he begins the hunt.
you’ll be around here somewhere.
room by room, he looks for the shape of you.
“here pretty, pretty”
johnny’s eyes flicker from the horizon to the device in simon’s hands, almost buzzing in excitement.
“come out, come out”
might’ve been the trip down memory lane but it’s more than likely the anticipation, simon was chubbing up in his trousers.
“found you”
johnny all but leapt from his post until he was at simon’s side, eyes drawn to the way you moved around the living room.
as you moved into the view of the other camera, simon’s heart nearly stopped.
you were in his shirt.
“the sight a’that, L.t.”
you were a sight, that’s for sure. perching yourself in the corner of the couch, the two men watched as you scrolled your phone absentmindedly.
one leg outstretched, the other pulled up at the knee.
a rustle of leaves had both men snapping their attention back to their surroundings, keeping a keen ear and eye out before they hurried back to you.
pretty old you.
doing nothing more than reading an article or watching a tiktok or doing- anything.
but you might as well have been stroking yourself right there.
they could’ve claimed it was your bare legs, the way they could imagine you might’ve had no underwear, the curve of your chest under simon’s shirt-
it was no use.
they both knew exactly what it was.
they liked to stare.
liked watching you while you were none the wiser, that at any moment you could start touching yourself and have no idea you had an audience.
the thrill of the chase or whatever they called it.
“cannae believe you’ve got tha’ waiting at home”
“neither can i, mate”
simon watched you sink lower into the couch, silently praying you were reading one of those dirty little stories you liked.
probably weren’t, obedient thing probably saving it all up till he got home to wring it out of you.
he’d have to make do with imagination.
“here, ‘old this”
johnny grumbled but took the phone nonetheless. his eyes stayed fixed on you as he heard the sounds of simon’s belt, rustle of trousers, spitting on hands.
“if i have t’hold this ye’ave to help me oot”
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The One Where Eddie Gets Another Job
Steve and Robin walk into the coffee house after work. Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle already sitting in their spot. Robin sits next to Nancy on the couch while Steve flops into the armchair.
“How was the first day of school,” Nancy asks Steve.
Steve groans. “I have three Gabriels in my class and all of them want to be called Gabe. And two of them have a last name that starts with H. Then the fire alarm went off because Beverly decided that popcorn was the perfect lunchtime snack. Three moms tried to hit on me when I was doing car line, and I think one of the kids was sick. So that’s about to be spread around my classroom.”
“That’s,” she starts, trying to find something positive to say. “I have nothing, that sounds like shit.”
“I could never be a teacher,” Robin sighs into the couch. “I didn’t like kids that much to begin with. And after the things you tell me, never.”
“I don’t know,” Argyle pipes in. “It could be fun. And very rewarding.”
“I could totally see you being a kindergarten teacher,” Steve suggests.
The group does a vague nod in agreement.
“For anyone wondering how my day was,” Robin perks up. “I had a very nice conversation with this Italian man. He’s opening up a small bakery with his wife and wanted someone to go over the contracts with him. He’s bringing me some pastries as a thank you when they get up and running.”
The conversation about work continues for a bit, each of them sharing how their day was and destressing.
“Where’s Eddie,” Steve eventually asks. He’s normally here by this point.
Nancy starts laughing. “Oh just wait.”
“What,” Jonathan looks up from his laptop. “Did we miss something?”
“Like I said,” Nancy continues to laugh over her coffee. “Just you wait.”
Like speaking of him suddenly made him appear, Eddie walks out of the backroom of the coffee house. With an apron tied around his waist and a pencil behind his ear. He heads over to an empty table with a wet rag, wiping it down.
“Oh my god,” Robin whispers with surprise.
“Is that Eddie, working?” Argyle questions. “Here?”
Nancy nods, her laughter getting louder. “Yes.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Eddie working,” Robin comments. “It’s like watching an animal out in the wild.”
“I can hear you, you know,” Eddie groans. Shoving the rag in his apron pocket and walking over.
Robin smiles. “I meant you to.”
“How long have you been working here?” Steve asks.
Eddie shrugs. “A few days now.”
“I thought you were working on being a tattoo artist,” Jonathan says. Taking a break from editing photos on his laptop to invest in this conversation.
“That I am. But I needed to shut down my Etsy page for art commissions, because people were being a bunch of dicks, so now I’m down one job. So I got another. Because rent is fucking expensive.”
Nancy makes a gesture with her hand. “And that’s with it rent controlled.”
Eddie makes a gesture toward her. “Also, I blew all of my savings moving out here, so I am trying to build those back up.”
“Aw, look at you being financially responsible,” Robin teases. Poking Eddie’s arm.
“You’re growing up,” Nancy eggs on. Feigning wiping away tears.
Eddie rolls his eyes. “You guys are the worst. I knew it was a bad idea getting a job here.”
“I don’t think I ever envisioned you being a barista,” Argyle notes. “Bartender, yes. Barista, no.”
“Well, I work the late shift too. So I am both of those things.”
“Oo,” Robin turns around on the couch. Standing on her knees to see him better. “Do you get a discount? Can we abuse it?”
Eddie shakes off her hand. “Yes, I get a discount, no you cannot abuse it. I sort of need this job, so I’d rather not get fired. It says strictly in the rules that I cannot use it for friends.”
Robin falls back down, defeated. “Boo, you’re no fun.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
Eddie walks away behind the counter. Cleaning off the counter and starting to make someone’s order.
“I’m going to go get something to drink,” Steve says, standing up. “You want anything, Rob?”
“Just a green tea. Not feeling coffee right now.”
Steve nods while going over to the counter. Sitting down at one of the stools. “So, you work here now.”
“I thought that was already established.” Eddie hands off the drink he was making to the girl further down. Coming to stand in front of Steve.
“Is that why you couldn’t come over last night? You could have said that.”
Eddie shrugs. “I didn’t want you to know, quite yet. Thought you wouldn’t really like how much I bounce around jobs.”
“You’re not though. You have a job, you just needed a second one. No shame in that.” Steve leans further across the bar. “It also helps that I find bartenders to be really hot.”
“Steven,” Eddie gasps. “I am at work.”
Steve smirks. “I know.”
Eddie shakes his head. “Did you want anything, or are you just here to flirt with me?”
“Only if flirting with you gets me a discount. Otherwise, I’ll just take my business elsewhere.”
“Is that really all I am to you?” Eddie starts making Steve’s usual drink order. Waiting for the espresso to brew.
“And Rob wanted a green tea.”
Eddie nods, pouring some hot water into a glass and adding a tea bag. “How was work?”
Steve rolls his eyes. “Don’t even get me started. The first day is always hard.”
“Oh, I bet.” Eddie steams the milk, adding it to the top of the espresso and drizzling it with caramel.
“And I just can’t wait until I get to hear all of the single, and not so single, PTA moms throwing their cheap pick-up lines at me.” Steve says that with a leading tone. Hoping that Eddie takes that in the direction he wants it to.
Eddie slides the drinks across the bar. “That something they do,” he says, with a lilt of jealousy.
“Every year. Without fail.”
“Any way I can help with that?”
“Come over later and find out.” Steve gives him a flirtatious smile. “What do I owe you?”
Eddie waves his hand. “It’s on the house.”
“I was joking before. Seriously, what so I owe you.”
“And now I’m being serious. I get a free drink a day that I can give out to a friend, so consider that covering Rob’s, and then I am personally paying for yours.”
“What was it about needing to save up money?”
“That doesn’t apply to you, sweetheart.” Eddie leans over the bar a little bit, palms pressed into the edge of the counter.
“Steve,” Robin yells from the couch. “I thought you were getting us drinks.”
Steve rolls his eyes. “I’m paying next time, no arguments.”
“Whatever you say so.”
He walks back over to the group and hands Robin her tea.
Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or taken off) @slowandsteddie, @annieofhearts, @cacdyke, @ubpd, @captain--low,
@thespaceantwhowrites, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @anne-bennett-cosplayer, @lunaticparisianlady,
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@my2amgaythoughts, @ellietheasexylibrarian, @emmabubbles, @eriquin, @grtwdsmwhr
@croatoan-like-its-hot, @dreamercec, @dreamy-jeans137
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