#also… I’m allowed to dislike someone without having a “real reason

[formulanni]

is there any like actual solid reason as to why you think carlos is cringe and why you hate lando?

Idk I think it's a bit harsh

(Not the same anon as the one who asked about carlos btw)

I just… think he’s cringe? I don’t hate him 😭😭 he was one of my favorite drivers for a really long time just idk he icks me out

Also… I don’t have to have a reason? As to why I think something is cringe? Or why something icks me out? It’s not harsh it’s just my opinion and how I feel 😭 I’m not saying I want the guy dead I’m just saying I haven’t been a fan recently.

Um! With Lando! I just don’t like him! For a lot of reasons, mainly the fan base. I’m not gonna go into it bc I don’t want to isolate anyone I’m just not a fan 😳 I think if I didn’t have to hear about him as much I’d like him a lot more

[l5byrinth]

dress

“even in my worst times, you could see the best of me”

pairing: cam cameron x fem!reader

summary: in which you and cam have hated each other for as long as you can remember. but what if that hatred wasn’t actually what you thought it was.

warnings: fluff, angst (a little idk), enemies to lovers, lmk if i should add more, not edited

a/n: FINALLY i’m back yall!! i’ll probably disappear for like another few months again but i really had to post this one bc there aren’t enough fics for my bae cam 🫶🏼 and my requests are open!! i don’t want my work copied, translated and/or posted on another platform without it being discussed with me.

my masterlist

Inhale. Exhale.

The nerves were flooding in as you waited for your turn to be ‘presented to society’. Being a debutant and actually participating in the stuff you found nonsense at first was the last thing you expected you’d be doing this summer. What you didn’t expect in a million years either, was falling for the one you sworn you hated with every single part of you.

You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it began, but it hit you hard when you heard that Belly broke up with Cam. Thoughts of the two of you being together flooded your mind, and though you tried to push them away, they lingered.

Instead of pursuing these thoughts, you distanced yourself from Cam, which turned out to be more difficult than expected since he seemed to be everywhere you were.

Cam was taken aback by your sudden distance. Although you both disliked each other, you never missed the opportunity to bicker. Now, whenever he tried to engage, you either ignored him or replied formally without any insults.

And if Cam had to be honest, it made him feel this pain in his chest. Especially when you started to hangout him with this guy you had met at the bonfire. The same guy you befriended to try to forget Cam. And also the same guy who was your escort to the debutant ball.

Cam tried to come up with reasons for your distance, and one day, he found himself standing in front of your house. Cam wasn’t sure what he was going to say or do, but he was determined to see you. His heart skipped a beat when he made it to the porch and he halted in front of the door, taking a deep breath in.

He was about to knock, when a thought jumped into his head.

You were scrolling on your phone, trying everything to get Cam out of your head. But everything you saw reminded him of you. You even came past a video of whales and wanted to scream out loud. Why was your phone working against you?

A knock on your window interrupted your furious thoughts and confusion washed over you. You don’t remember meeting up with anyone, or telling someone to come by your window. Scared that it might be a burglar, you grabbed the first object you saw to use as a weapon. However, when you opened your window, the last person you expected was in front of you, heavily panting. “Cameron?” You questioned, lowering your weapon since there wasn’t an actual real threat.

“Hi.” He simply greeted with a grin, before climbing into your room. He stood way too close to you, making your breath hitch as he dusted himself off. But you weren’t going to let him notice what kind of effect he had on you, so the best you could do is just bicker like you used to to mask it.

“What are you doing here? Trying to rob me or something?” You asked as you took a few steps back, “‘Cause I’m not afraid to use this!” You showed the bedside table lamp in your hands.

“Calm down, Y/l/n,” He chuckled as he put his hand on your arm to lower it, and you just allowed him to do so. You felt yourself relax at the warmth and touch of his hand and mentally cursed yourself for this. He liked at you with a small smile, a smile that made your heart flutter in your chest.

Cam’s hand lingered on your arm, before he cleared his throat and quickly removed it. Around everyone, he was always shy and reserved, but with you it was different. You brought out some confidence in him he never knew he had. And Cam never understood why, but with you, he felt at ease and weirdly enough, safe. Whenever he even looked in your direction, his worries would vanish as if they never existed.

Cam walked past you slowly and looked around your room. He tried to memorise every object on your desk, every little detail in your room. “Why are you ignoring me?” He asked, throwing his head over his shoulder to look at you. You were standing there at loss for words, trying to come up with a good excuse. He nodded to himself when you didn’t answer before continuing his walk around your room.

“I should be asking you the questions! Why are you in my room, Sextus?” You crossed your arms over chest and watched him let out a laugh at the name you called him. The sound made you burst of out happiness, but you weren’t planning on showing.

“Please, Ceres, be honest with me…” He started walking back towards you slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. The way he remembered the name you used at the latin convention made your heart skip a beat. “Why would I?” You said with a loud huff and you turned your head to the side with your eyes closed.

When you opened your eyes, Cam’s face was only an inch from yours, and you felt your guard fall down. It would’ve been so much easier if Cam didn’t have this effect on you. Your face fell. “Stop.” You mumbled, inaudible for him to hear.

“What was that?” He inquired genuinely, getting even closer if that was even possible. “Stop!” You spoke out louder, making him jump out of his skin, but soft enough for it to be a whisper. “Stop what?” Cam asked curiously. You stared into his eyes, trying to find something, think of something to make you hate him again. But as you looked into his deep eyes, all you could think about what you could be, as something else than enemies.

You looked at the ground in defeat, before continuing, “I’m trying so hard, Cameron, so hard.”

Cam was quiet as he looked at you with a confused look on his face, and he wanted you to tell him everything that was on your mind. When you looked up at him, Cam noticed that there was something else in your eyes. Something else than what he usually saw, and he couldn’t quite place what it was. “Cameron, I’m trying so hard not to hate you.” You whispered.

Cam’s heart was pounding out of his chest, while he was looking at you with his mouth agape ever so slightly. He hoped your words meant what he thought they meant, and his hand reached for yours.

A yell of your name woke both you and Cam out of your trance, eyes widening in panic. “Is everything okay up there?” Your mom yelled from downstairs, and you heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. Cam rushed towards your window, and you helped him get out quickly. Before he got down, he said something that you spent thinking about the weeks that followed, “I’m really trying hard to hate you too, but I can’t. No matter how hard I try.”

Ever since he dropped by, you had avoided him more than you initially did. And that made Cam wonder what he did or said wrong that day. You were all what he could think about, and if he wasn’t thinking about you, he was dreaming about you or speaking about you.

Whenever you saw him, you would walk the other way, you would pretend you didn’t see him standing. You basically ignored his existence. And for Cam it felt like a stab through the heart, a deep and painful one.

This continued until the debutant ball.

Cam was standing on the flight of stairs behind two other escorts and in front of many others, waiting for the girl’s name he was escorting to be announced. He didn’t know how he ended up here, escorting a girl, who he didn’t even really knew that well, to the debutant ball, But he would do anything to keep his mother happy, so here he was.

He was nervously fidgeting with his fingers, his mind on you like it always has been since the first time he saw you. A part of him wished it was you he was escorting. He wished that he was the one who first saw you in your dress before your presentation.

He fantasised how he actually wanted this day to go. You standing there in a beautiful dress, looking drop-dead gorgeous like you always did. Him being the one to look at you with an encouraging smile and mouthing to you how enchanting you looked. It was all you deserved and more. It killed him he wasn’t the one to be doing it.

When it was Cam’s to turn to go up stage and escort the girl, he imagined it was you by his side. He flashed her a polite smile as she did the same and watched as her eyes drifted off to behind him. Cam followed her eyes and saw that she was looking at none other than the guy who was escorting you.

Cam and the girl got off the stage and walked over to the other debutants, waiting for the next debutant to be presented. And when your name was called, Cam felt a heavy flutter in his chest he most certainly couldn’t ignore.

The girl beside him watched his demeanour change at the sound of your name and smiled to herself. She always had the feeling Cam had a thing for you.

When you appeared on stage, Cam’s eyes were drawn to you. The way you looked in your dress was indescribable and the way you glowed made his heart race a million miles per hour. You scanned the crowd, trying to find a familiar face to ease your nerves. And when your eyes locked Cam’s warm ones it felt as if the world stopped turning. Every single person around you disappeared, it was just you and him.

And your nerves disappeared as quickly as they appeared.

You never pulled your eyes away from his gaze as you walked down the stage with your escort. The escort who had picked up on your crush on Cam a long while back.

Cam tried his best to keep his composure, he was refraining himself from running over to you and holding you like there was no tomorrow, he tried his best not to think about all the ways he would compliment you and make you feel good.

You and your escort halted in front of the table your parents were sitting at and you finally broke eye contact with Cam. Your heart was pounding out of your chest and you were thinking about Cam all the damn time as you waited for the presentations to finish.

When they did, every debutant with their escort bowed down to the table with their family. Afterwards, everyone sat down and waited for some surprise performance the escorts were giving. Your escort waited for you to take a seat next to one of your parents, before he parted as well after flashing you a small smile.

“You looked amazing, honey.” Your mom praised, putting a hand on your shoulder. You thanked her and looked around the ball room, trying to find the one person who lived in your mind rent free. Cam was just walking past to get to the other escorts, when his eyes met yours once again. But this time you looked away after a few seconds, trying to nonchalantly brush off the fact you had a major crush on the guy you had thought was your number one enemy.

After the sudden dance performance, your escort had disappeared somewhere, along with the girl Cam was escorting. But neither of you seemed to care, as all you did was gaze at each other longingly, waiting for the people to announce when the first dance was about to take place.

Your parents, who were seated beside you, had noticed your stares and stolen glances towards the boy and smiled at each other knowingly. You tried to hide it, but they knew you. They knew when their daughter was actually in love.

The sound of glass clinking was heard, before a woman announced that it was time. And at that moment you woke up from your trance, realising your escort was still nowhere to be seen. Every debutant, alongside with her escort was gathering on the dance floor, except for you and, well, Cam.

“Mom, where is he?” You questioned worriedly. “It doesn’t matter,” She answered, making your eyebrows furrow in confusion, “I think there’s someone else you’d much rather want to share this dance with.”

She tilted her head towards a certain direction, and you knew immediately who she was referring to. But your eyes followed the direction she meant anyway, with a racing heart.

Cam was standing there, looking at you like a man in love. That’s because he is. He is in love. And before you knew it, your feet made their way towards him. You halted in front of him with a smile. You were panting like you had just run a marathon, but you didn’t care, because you were right in front of who you wanted to be.

“Seems like we both don’t have a dance partner, huh?” Cam chuckled, scratching the back of his neck nervously. All you could do was nod in respond, the words you actually wanted to speak out seeming to be stuck in your throat.

Your hands reached for his and when your fingers intertwined, you could’ve sworn you heard Cam let out a deep breath. The music started playing, and the two of you were drowning in one another’s eyes as you danced to the music just like you had practiced. The tension between the two of you was unbearable throughout the entire dance.

And once the dance ended, when you were in the end position, his face was awfully close to yours and you had to do anything in your power to not plant your lips on his. He pulled you back up, with way more force than he intended, which resulted into you being flush against his chest. Your faces only a few inches away, which made it even harder to refrain yourself.

You pulled away slowly, even when you wish you could stay like that forever. The words you desired to speak were stuck in your throat, and your eyes fell down, feeling flustered by everything that has happened this night. He wanted to say so much as he looked at you with a lovesick smile, but he didn’t know how. His right hand fine yours as he put his left hand under your chin.

He stroked your cheek gently with his thumb, his eyes fixated you and only you. You were the only thing that mattered to him any day, anywhere, anytime.

Every couple around you started to leave the dance floor, but you and Cam stayed there without a care in the world. “Let’s get out of here.” He whispered, in which you grinned to in response.

He gave your hand a gentle squeeze as you walked towards the exit of the ball room, giggles and chuckles leaving your lips. Your parents watched from afar, knowing you were finally with the one you liked all along.

[crystallinestars]

r u homophobic and thats y u dont like BL ?

No. I can see why you would assume that, but I have nothing against gay or queer people. There are a number of openly gay content creators whose content I enjoy watching, and I have a few male friends who are bi and chat with me about their male crushes. It matters not to me who a person likes in real life, regardless of their gender.

The reason I dislike BL is less to do with the genre itself, and more to do with the people who consume it, in particular straight women. I used to be indifferent towards BL, but after becoming a part of the Genshin and HSR fandoms, I have seen an overwhelming amount of harassment and toxicity from that part of the community directed at anyone who didn’t see characters as gay or shipped a male character with a female one.

Imagine minding your own business, peacefully shipping Clorinde and Wriothesley together, when someone sends you a message saying you can’t ship Wriothesley with a girl because he’s gay, how dare you do that you homophobe? Or you think Kaveh and Nilou are cute together, but someone sends you a hateful DM about how you can’t ship them because Kaveh belongs to Alhaitham? I’ve seen that happen all too often. Being harassed for not sharing an opinion over fictional ships is not ok.

I wasn’t even directly bullied, but witnessing how innocent people got dogpiled with hate and homophobic accusations for saying they don’t see X character as gay or liking a straight ship with a popular male character is just disgusting. Any time someone said they see two male characters as brothers, they got shut down with aggressively rude comments to the point many of the posters had to either delete or private their accounts to get away from it. Mind you, they expressed an innocent opinion without saying anything negative about gay ships, but still got hate for having a different opinion.

Even when I did try to explain to someone that Genshin characters don’t have a canon sexuality because Mihoyo purposely allowed fans to enjoy the character in whatever way they like, I was still met with comments about how X character is gay coded and I’m wrong for thinking otherwise.

Basically, after seeing that kind of behavior every day on every site I visited, I had come to despise those bullies. The negative emotions I feel towards them has also extended towards the BL genre by association. There are other aspects of BL I dislike, like heavy fetishizing of gay relationships by straight women, but the toxicity and harassment is the major factor for my dislike.

[cosmicjoke]

i’m the red flag question anon! i have no intention to start a fight so just tell me if you’ve had enough… (also this has nothing to do with gabi or levi hate, i love them both) i don’t understand your point about art. yes it does engender empathy and understanding, but it doesn’t morally bind us the same way real life does, because it’s fiction. if you play monopoly with friends, do you feel bad about making them go bankrupt? no, it’s fun. characters are the same in my opinion. it’s a game of imagination. you’re allowed to not feel the need to protect a child because no child is actually harmed, and it doesn’t say anything about your empathy or lack of empathy. you’re allowed to dislike a character just because you don’t like their haircut, you don’t even need a better reason than that, it’s fiction, it doesn’t hurt anyone. you can feel empathy and understanding for a character who does bad things because they’re interesting, and it doesn’t mean you want to do the same as they do. you can dislike a character even if they’re kind without disliking kindness. i understand that if people actively hate on gabi or levi and come pour their hate on a blog that doesn’t, it’s rude. but disliking levi isn’t enough to make someone cynical. nobody has an obligation to like him just because he is defined by compassion and kindness. it’s not a moral flaw to dislike a morally good character. i agree that the way we respond to characters says a lot about who we are as people, but i don’t think it’s in a linear way. you don’t respond to characters exactly the same way you would respond to a person. it shows what interests and questions you rather than how you act and what your qualities are as a person

I disagree. Certainly, you can dislike a character for any number of shallow and ultimately meritless reasons. But then the question is, why. Why would someone actively dislike or hate a character for something as shallow as what they look like? I'm not talking about general disinterest or ambivalence, I'm talking about conscious dislike and hate that manifests in negative discourse about that character online. It says something about the person, what the reasons are for their dislike and hate. And when that dislike turns to active aggression against fans, when it leads to the active harassment of people, then it becomes evident to me that it's driven by something deeper than some simple, surface level dislike based on shallow prejudice. If someone is deliberately seeking out fan blogs of a character they supposedly dislike or hate and sending that person hate messages about said character, that goes beyond being "rude" and turns into bullying, which I shouldn't need to explain, if you're bullying someone online and on social media, it's a safe bet to assume you would do the same to people in real life. It speaks volumes about a person's character, that they would harass and actively attempt to antagonize someone for liking a specific character. I've never seen anyone offer a legitimate reason for hating Levi that went beyond the most petty and shallow of reasons, i.e. Levi is now a "cripple", Levi lost in some popularity poll to Eren, what a loser, Levi is short and ugly, etc, etc... These are absurd reasons for hating anyone, and if they're to be taken at face value, speak to a kind of character totally lacking in empathy and compassion. They're attacks based on arbitrary characteristics, and the consistent and constant utilization of them is routinely and obviously employed by certain individuals in an attempt to make fans of Levi miserable and to destroy any chance of actual enjoyment they might find in engaging with the fandom. Most attacks on Levi are disingenuous and only rooted in the desire to make people in real life unhappy. However, if someone is genuinely willing to be so judgmental toward anyone for something so meaningless, fictional or otherwise, if they truly believe what they say, that they find Levi to somehow now be "lesser" because he ended up in a wheelchair, for example, or because he's short, or because he isn't charismatic, etc, etc... if they truly believe that, then I wonder what exactly would recommend them in real life as a good friend or person to want to associate with? So either you have people attacking Levi for things they don't actually hold against him, but like to use as ammunition against his fans with the sole aim of ruining their day and fandom experience, or you have people who genuinely believe it's legitimate to dislike or hate someone based on something as meaningless and arbitrary as their physical appearance or lack of outgoing personality, in which case, you have someone who's clearly deeply prejudiced and shallow in mind, and again, there's nothing to recommend them as a person anyone would want to know or associate with in reality.

And then you have a third option, which is people who, if they genuinely dislike or hate Levi for who he actually is as a character, meaning a character defined by and driven by empathy, then you're dealing with something more malicious still. Someone who is genuinely turned off by and hostile toward a character for being a good person. Someone who dislikes or despises what Levi represents within the narrative of the story itself. And anyone who feels that way about Levi should probably engage in some self-reflection and ask themselves why they're so turned off by and even threatened by a character who only wants to help people. I don't agree with you at all that our responses to fictional characters don't in any way indicate or reflect who we are in real life or how we might treat others in real life. People expose their biases all the time while discussing fictional characters and works of fiction. They expose their inner feelings and subconscious inclinations. If someone thinks it's okay to badmouth Levi for being disabled, chances are, that person is also likely to mistreat a disabled person in real life, consciously or not. If someone thinks it's okay to badmouth or victim blame a character for being abused, then chances are that person will do the same to a real life victim of abuse, again, consciously or not. Oftentimes, these people, while speaking so ill of fictional characters, are completely unaware of how it sounds and what it exposes about themselves, and it's indicative of a general lack of awareness on their part, which is very much a real life character flaw which doubtless spills over into their everyday, actual comportment. Someone so totally lacking in introspection is, generally, a very toxic person to be around. And those sorts of inclinations and prejudices and views, whether you want to admit it or not, can have very real world consequences. How you treat people online can have very real world consequences.

I don't think many Levi haters actually fall under this last category. I think most Levi haters are just assholes who are insecure and take that insecurity out on other people. But it still says plenty about them, that they do. They're okay with harassing other people and trying to ruin their day, simply for liking a certain character that they've deemed unworthy, for whatever inane reason they come up with. It shows them to be absurdly insecure, shallow and petty people. And if their reasoning is actually rooted in truth, and not simply an expression of some shallow prejudice, but an actual, substantial criticism of Levi's character, in particular, if they really believe Levi to be a fundamentally unlikable or repulsive character, based on his core characteristics, then, yes, they prove themselves to be deeply cynical and hateful human beings. Because why the hell would anyone hate Levi for being a good person, if they themselves aren't a bad person?

So either you "hate" Levi, or engage in hateful rhetoric about him because you simply feel insecure about yourself and are threatened by his popularity, because you enjoy making other people unhappy, or because you really are just that stupid and shallow, that you think hating someone for their looks is legit. Or because everything Levi stands for, compassion, kindness, empathy, nonjudgmentalism, grates against your own core characteristics and causes you to rebel against him. In either instance, like I said before, you would have to be an actual asshole to qualify for any of these scenarios.

[deviantartdramahub]

As someone who has been talked about on both trollsites that do not deserve names.. I can agree. Especially when they screencap shit from me that is years old. Yeah I answered a quoro question and said that I don't find someone pretending to be Serbian funny (look I never got the 'remove kebab' meme or why some people take it seriously, maybe i'm an old fool who isn't hip with the 'dank memes' these days), but was that even worth noting? OvercookedBacon made a list about things I had done including claiming that I block people and writing mocking stories about them capturing them as villains and saying it's 'against the law'. Not true, I only block people who troll me or I have problems with, it's usually never my fault that someone blocks me. And also yes I made a big fuss over a parody fic someone did of my work, so what? I never have claimed to be 'bisexual' as a means of saying 'ha take that critics, my character is gay/bi so you cannot mock them anymore', I actually AM bisexual. Also what incest angle? There was no incest in the story I wrote at all. So Pukeyboy assumes that I am a hypocrite for not liking weight gain transformations that are just a non-fat character gaining weight yet also liking pig transformations? Did he even get what I meant at all? I meant I dislike those kind of weight gain tf scenarios since nothing changes, they're just a fat version of themselves that eats like Jabba the Hutt. If it's a character or species known for being large i'll allow it. Also what's wrong with pig transformations? The only reason why he likely brought that up was because of how most if not all of the pig transformation art in my DA favorites (i'm Drmusic2-1/Drmusic2/Monstermaster13) features women being transformed, like how is it my fault? How is my fault that the subjects are female? That is the commissioner's fault and not mine, I didn' commission them, they were done by other artists and not me. Oh I get it, he thinks it's body-shaming if it's a woman being transformed while it is perfectly fine for men to get transformed because hurr hurr men are pigs..get it? Also what's wrong with racial changes? It's not yellow-face or blackface or white-washing, it's not offensive, most of what i've seen is moderately tame. Also dear Crichax when you say you're going to leave me alone, ACTUALLY DO IT and don't bring me up ever again, don't leave me alone only to come back and whine about me like a triggered little Crichax. Is it any wonder why the Homestuck fanbase gets a bad reputation? We get it, you love Jade Harley, but she's not real, do you hear me? Your sexual fantasies about being her are weird/fucked up. I really could have done without the  drama with that other person thank you, I tried to forget that person  existed until Crichax brought them up.

I am the victim of this abusive scenario, yes I am, i'm not playing the role of victim to be sympathetic. I was talked about constantly by both sites and I find it to be creepy, like don't they have anything better to do than trash me like that? Also did I mention lolcow-farm misgendered me and called me a 'she' when I prefer to be referred to with male pronouns? And also the Metokur thing only happened because I was surprised Mr Metokur even rememered me to begin with. In my opinion, isn't a-logging just stalking only you are not physically doing it? It's really no better than blackmail if you ask me.

[na-na-namine]

The act of calling those "biphobic" or "transphobic" for not liking certain ships has been an insidious tactic employed within fandom spaces for generations. Either the people taking part don't think twice about the implications of their actions, or they do so hoping others will view such claims uncritically and without skepticism, because saying anything is "_____phobic" without explaining why is an easy way to grab someone's attention and radicalize them to a certain viewpoint.

I shouldn't have to explain why that way of thinking is unhealthy (and reeks of exclusionist attitudes), but here we are. Media consumption and fandom engagement shouldn't be an entire part of a person's identity. Criticism is a valid way of engaging with media - people are allowed to dislike things and express their dislikes, just as much as anyone else is free to like said thing, as long as they're not d*cks about it. Yet, so many shipping groups (Huntl0w for sure, but this applies for any/all shipping groups out there) are routinely d*cks about it. Because they view any sort of criticism towards said ship as an insult towards their very personhood.

But ships aren't real. These characters aren't real and neither is the particular form of media you're consuming. It's all fictional, and the wonderful part of fictional media is that we should be allowed to form and share our own opinions about it without them hurting anyone. However, when you label people as "_____phobic" for not liking the same thing as you (be it shipping or otherwise), you are hurting people. You are actively causing harm to the community because you're unable to separate your enjoyment of media with who you are as an individual.

To those reading this that stans any sort of media and/or engages in this sort of behaviour, you are more than the media you consume. Learn to accept that criticism of a show or a ship is not an attack on you as a person. They are our opinions to have and ours to cherish, and if you don't agree with them then you are under no obligation to listen to them (seriously, this site allows you to ban tags for a reason). Think critically before deciding to label others as bigots for not liking the same things as you.

Also, I’m tired of being called “biphobic” or “transphobic” for not liking a ship (Huntl0w *cough cough*) when I am a BI AND TRANS PERSON MYSELF.

TL;DR, Media criticism is healthy, attacking someone for it isn't. You are more than the ship you like and fandom you engage with.

[docholligay]

I think one of the hardest things to learn, and one of the things that has been most beneficial for me to learn, and so I share it with you now, is:

It is okay if people do not like me, and do not want to be my friend, and find me annoying, even if those reasons are, in whole or in part, due to some neurodiversity or diagnosis. 

I am VERY impulsive, and forgetful (I literally have a package I have been meaning to send for a MONTH sitting on my table), and twitchy, and I talk a lot, and I am easily distracted, and have strong feelings and emotions. Some or all of these could be related to my ~*neurodiversity*~ though I feel some ways about my personality being a diagnosis. I like to think I am organically irritating, but I digress. 

It’s fine if any or all of those are too much for people to deal with as my friend. It’s fine if my positive qualities--and I do have them, I’m not dogging on myself--don’t outweigh the frustrations of loving me. You can tell people til you’re blue in the face that you forgot you were meeting them because you forgot it was fucking Tuesday, because you (I) have ADHD and your schedule changed one iota, leading to a hilarious house of cards cascade, but, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT, they have the right to say, ‘I understand. But this affects and hurts me, so I don’t want to be a part of this.’ 

I mean it’s even okay if someone is like, “you just talk too fucking much’ I mean, yes, my feelings do get hurt, I am human, but I can’t on one hand say that I believe people should have some right to self-determination, and on the other be like, ‘oh but that right to self-determination in no way includes the option to not like some of my traits, because they have an explanation’

I don’t want to be friends with people who have to daily remind themselves they HAVE to be nice to me because I have a bunch of letters going on. I WANT them to be able to reject me. I want to be able to reject them! Let’s be real, fucking everyone has a dx of SOMETHING now, and so we have to just CIRCLE ALL THE WAY BACK to, “it’s okay not to hang out with people you find fucking annoying” 

I mean, and for me this goes for anything. If someone is frustrated with me because I struggle to sit still and so I’m not a great person to chill on the couch with, that’s okay. If someone I don’t know, LOVES BARBECUE, and the fact that I can’t eat pork is fucking annoying because they always want to go out for barbecue, that is ALSO okay. If someone is annoyed because I talk too much about being Jewish and they don’t want to hear about it, THAT is okay. 

I think so much of finding your people is allowing yourself to be rejected. And that is SCARY, and that is PAINFUL, and it is so tempting and easy to go, “Oh, I do that because of X, and if you reject me for X, you’re officially a bad person because I can’t change X.” But that won’t give you your people. It won’t. It’ll give you a bunch of people who are patient with you, and maybe even kind, but to find REAL love, you have to allow for real dislike, too. 

My friends, I mean, I’m sure they sometimes find me fucking annoying, because sometimes *I* find me fucking annoying. But on the balance, they have decided that the beautiful things about me outweigh the frustrations. Not because there is a name behind some of what I do, but because I, Doc, am a fun person who is down for anything, and smiles a lot, and is deeply loyal and creative and those things mean more to them than the fact that I am, at this writing, going to send a package a month late. Or that I am physically incapable of shutting the fuck up. 

We have to give people the space to let us go, in order to be truly let in. Explanations of your behavior are more for YOU than they are for other people, because they do not materially change how they experience you. You are you, named or not. To fully allow ourselves, to be ourselves, we have to be that without training wheels, you know? I was fucking tormented as a child, because I am a very strange little creature, but I’m not a kid anymore.  No one needs to be made to invite me to a birthday party. 

I want to go to parties where I’m wanted, which means I have to let people not invite me. 

[rhazimpulsivelyposts]

It’s wild to see the “everything happens for a reason” dominos fall into place, almost in slow motion.

So I went for a different position at my job, not because I dislike the position, just that the other position suited the lifestyle I wanted for myself better.

Right before I was going to find out if I got that position or not, I was invited on a surprise late notice week long holiday from my ♌️, and of course I want to go! When is it? About a month or so from then.

I get my passport photo taken, and I joke with my supervisor that he should let me know if I got the spot because I also want to go on holiday. They call me later that day to let me know I didn’t get the spot this time, but I’m a shoe-in for next time.

I wasn’t even sad or bummed out, it was weird. I went into asking for the spot with realistic expectations that I was second pick. That isn’t a dig on me, it’s knowing that someone who has been with the company longer and who’s position is basically backfillable tomorrow, it makes sense it would go to him, and I am happy for him because I know he wanted it too. We both don’t have kids or partners or any real reason to have to be home during the week. (So I thought). I was excited for him and excited for me knowing I could now go to this holiday without it conflicting with any new training or obligations of the new role.

Well going through the steps of preparing for this week long trip out of the country, I had to consult with my doctors about my ADHD medication. Medication that I have been on for over 2 years now, almost 3, that I take every single day. My refil date would of fell within the week I’d be out of the country. I asked them for 3 more pills to hold me over, take it out of my next batch? Nope. Can’t do that sorry. With the type of medication that is, it isn’t allowed. Then when I tried to pick up my medication they wanted to give me 10 extra pills , and make me pay out of pocket for the full 40. … 40?! I asked for 3 extra not 10 what the hell?!

So to make sure I have some for the trip, and don’t run out 3 days before I’m to be home, I’ve started skipping Sundays. I work Monday through Friday no problem right? Does anyone remember the Adderall shortage in 2021? It was over prescribed, patients couldn’t get it, so their doctors started branching out and prescribing them any other ADHD drug they could find, causing all of them to short, not just Adderall. During this time , trying to conserve my medication and listening to my doctor at the time who said “it’s totally fine to skip your medication, all you are going to feel is a little more tired” , i decided to skip Saturdays and Sundays so i would have some medication for work “when I really needed it” . This was such a huge mistake, it caused a massive chemical imbalance in my brain and caused me to be massively suicidal. Why did i think this would be different? Did I forget what happened? Did i think “ah one day isn’t two days in a row every week that can’t be too bad?” Wrong. this is the 3rd Sunday in a row I’ve skipped, and it’s fcking up my whole week every week. I’m spacey, easily irritable, impulsive, overly emotional, losing my ability to feel grateful for things. It’s so bad! From 3 weeks of skipping 1 day?! Why ?! My coworker thinks I’m going through withdrawl every week just trying to get to baseline by the time I dip again.

So I have decided, it’s probably good I didn’t get that new position honestly . Swear! It was much better for my cards to fall and my strings to be knotted in such a way that I find out how bad it could be if I skip weekends just to conserve medication until I can be back in the state again to pick it up. Imagine if I took up that position, my current position is backfilled, and then like 4 months down the line I want to voluntary game over myself because my chemicals are so fcked trying to make sure I have medication Monday through Friday and just fck the weekends when I’m home and not flying in or out of the state.

Thank you Universe for both giving me an amazing holiday out of the country and also showing me that the path I wanted is not the path for me right now. This medication has changed my entire life, for the better. I actually love my life while on my medication. I don’t want to go back to never being happy or grateful or satisfied. If the one negative is being chained to my state because we don’t have universal healthcare that would allow me to pick up my medication on what ever state I was in at the time, compared to all the positives of actually feeling happiness and being able to have emotionally mature relationships and conversations, I’m staying in my state and I’m staying in my medication.

So I decide to stay yes? Well what if this is also my path because my coworker is fed up and wants to leave? If I were to get that other position and my coworker ended up then getting fed up and wanting to leave, our spot would be completely empty. Chaos. I mean it’s chaos now, it would be worse on the company. Nightmare .

I love what I do for work, and despite me constantly telling myself I’m not doing enough, it appears I’m good at what i do for work.

Today was really one of those “everything happens for a reason” kinda days where i just stared at the events in order and was like “damn what a timeline” “what weird canon interconnected events”

I mean i did do some sorta synthetic like magic mushrooms over the weekend, so maybe it’s that 🤣😅 it could just be that. 

Thank you for all the skills I learned in my last IT Jobs that led me to this one, and thank you to this job for paying me enough to afford to live on my own in a house and giving me a car to use. I hope that I prove I am worth it.

[taylorappalachia]

How else can a mind be accessed but through meaningful relationship? Relationship that’s knowing, that’s confronting? If I remember correctly, many postmodern philosophers tote the idea that one cannot be known. How lonely. What is it to be known? I think it is to let another, maybe even others--even better!--watch what happens to you when you feel them seeing you, everyday, at first sight, on the way to work, after you bathe, at dinner, after you take a shit, when you're mad at them, when you feel embarrassed, when you confess your real feelings. When you feel them seeing you behave how you behave. When you ugly laugh as ugly as you ugly cry. And then you them, doing all of this with them, for them, them for you. This is real vulnerability. Can everyday be so vulnerable? And lovingly, even if it might not always be pleasantly so? What is it for you to know me and what is it for me to know you as you know me as I know you? Being with someone as they feel you, allow you, to notice, watch, experience, tolerate, feel, talk to, talk with, and then respond while they also notice, watch, experience, tolerate, feel, talk to, talk with, you. I think (I don’t know if, for now, I know anything anymore) the best thing we can give to another is the reality of our living. It’s generous. It's hopeful that they do this for you too. It really is a service someone is giving when they unveil themselves. One reason being the time it takes, either all the time it took before you to bring themselves to such a willing state or the time it will take to trust you, risk by risk. Knowing another is as essential as the entertainment of the morning and evening star's waxing and waning lights on the walls as they rise and fall in the outdoor sky. As essential as the quiet, underrated sight of suspended grease held in calm air by strands of sun rays as a meal is cooked in late summer. It looks like a hologram. As essential as white on rice, stink on shit, music in the car driving by. As lovely a paradigm shift of black and white tv to full color. Someone giving themselves to us is the sweetest thing. The most heinous thing. Difficult for them, for us, for anyone. It is a revelation of revelations: that life, thank god, is dimensional, effortlessly interesting, dynamic, worthy of attention, worthy of joining. No one-shaded, monotone hell. That you are less important and more alive than you ever knew before knowing them, them knowing you, really knowing. Their incessant failings and weird, adorable mannerisms, and talents show not only them but also forgotten, perhaps unknown parts of one's own person. One's own desires, interests, dislikes. Did you know you could take comfort in the sound of how someone blows their nose? Did you know you could talk to someone both with such persistence in finding the right words, so as not to receive any correction, and with such ease? Did you know you could be so angry? Feel your feelings all the way down? So vividly? Have you ever let them physically touch you? Did you know you were in so much pain to begin with? That you were so bored? That before you didn’t feel any of it at all? Did you know you could listen without interrupting? Did you know you weren't who you thought you were? Did you know you aren't what you do, or say, or think, or feel? Did you know you could change? And that maybe, in some ways, you should? I think a romantic vision is inspiring but reality is tougher than the defenses we put up to avoid it, which is why we use such defenses to begin with. I think too, the romantic is often misunderstood for completely uninterrupted ecstasy. Can you tell how much I loved once? I’m so grateful it wasn’t romantic. I’m so grateful I loved outside of the way we are told love is at its deepest. At the start of that community I drew a colored pencil portrait of two hands untangling a ball of yarn. It was my prayer of the year. And I think I’ve got another ball to untangle. Is it now my heart?

[nymph1e]

hey I have a question. Sorry if it seems like I’m being rude with it or something I’m just genuinely curious on your take.

If you’re anti censorship, are you also anti social media moderation? I feel that sometimes giving people temporary or permanent bans is needed if they harass people or spread misinformation.

I think sometimes band can be unfair, like the real example I’ve seen on YouTube of striking someone for calling out a popular channels animal abuse but not striking the popular channel .

just curious on your take!

Not rude at all! Genuine questions coming from a good place - or even genuine arguments against me coming from a good place aren't rude. It's when people come into my asks telling me i need to touch grass, calling me rude names, or accusing me of pedophilia for not agreeing with censorship that it's rude.

CW for this post, I will be offhandedly mentioning potentially triggering topics that I've seen people call for the total ban of, just remembered from off the top of my head. I don't necessarily like anything mentioned, they are just examples.

To answer your question yes and no. Moderation isn't censorship, when done correctly. I'm actually firmly pro moderation and tagging both. I don't believe that people should have to see shit they don't want to see, and moderation and tagging of online spaces will help stop people from, say randomly clicking open a tweet of furry porn.

I think the key here is direction. There's a difference between posting revenge porn of your ex and posting your own kink. There's a big difference between calling for the death of all furries and posting a montage of goriest scenes from horror movies. A difference between attacking others and posting for your own enjoyment.

And, look, it's absolutely a grey area. In general I say err on the side of allowing as much as possible, including things that most people will find unsavory, simply because what is "unsavory" changes from person to person. I might find rape-play porn uncomfortable, but my neighbor Sally thinks that trans women are all rapists and fetishists, savvy? The next person along the line loves rape play, thinks trans women are swell, and wouldn't harm a fly.

As long as no real people are being harmed (without consent), and as long as the content is properly tagged so people can avoid, I think it should stay up. I think moderation comes in when things aren't correctly tagged, or when people attack others.

So much of the fandom policing/censorship movement is extremely hypocritical, to the level where I firmly believe these people never actually follow their arguments through to their conclusions. They tend to attack people who follow ships they dislike, or kinks they dislike, then paint it in a coat of social justice so they can have warm fuzzy feelings about being bullies.

I don't think they realize that by calling for censorship of fandom spaces on a large scale, they paint a major target on the back of any historically oppressed group. Women, queer people, POC, non Christians, the kink communities, etc. all have been the targets of large-scale censorship in the past, and if any is implemented in the future I guarantee they will again.

Also, the reason I believe they are so hypocritical is you don't see these people campaigning (with the conservative christians) to remove books containing this content from libraries, tv shows and movies containing these things from being created. They don't care about these things because they don't actually believe in what they're saying. They want to stop individuals in online spaces from doing something that makes them uncomfortable, and don't have the wherewithal to recognise this, so they convince themselves they're morally superior instead.

[fozmeadows]

race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.  

[losthomunculus]

Online Safety Relevant to the Current State of the Internet

On twitter I made a tweet about how online safety lessons in school can be very out of touch but that the advice of people who are familiar with the current internet shouldn't be disregarded. So here's my informal collection of online safety tips

Sources: unrestricted internet access since elementary school (not recommended), being a formerly involuntarily home bound person for several years that amassed way too much online experience

This could possibly hold upsetting reminders to people who had bad experiences online including mentions of grooming and emotional manipulation so please proceed with caution!

Information Sharing

Make an online pseudonym for public profiles and websites.

Don’t feel like you have to list everything about you for the world to see.

Sometimes it’s not a question of “can this information be used to locate and identify me irl?”, but simply “do I want this information publicly available and linked to my online persona?”

Unlike offline, being online leaves a constant trail of who you were accessible at all times. People are constantly growing and changing. Try to limit the information you share so you can ditch that trail and start over if need be.

Sharing information with people you make friends with and trust is a judgement call on your part, but always be on the safe side and be protective of your information.

Start as cautious as possible with online safety. Any risks or judgement calls can come later when you are 1. aware of the risks, 2. ready to address them if they occur, and 3. have gathered plenty of information instead of doing something blindly and hoping for the best.

Do not share your triggers publicly, they can very easily be used against you. Instead use websites with a large amount of filtering options to curate your online experience. If you are going to share them, only do it privately with people you trust.

Importance of Boundaries

It doesn’t matter how mature you are, don’t enter age limited spaces you don’t qualify for. It’s disrespectful to the boundaries of the people who made that space. Boundaries like this exist for the comfort of both sides involved.

Just because you can “handle it” doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Desensitization is not something to brag about.

Venting or making r18 posts as a minor on a public account is VERY dangerous. Intense emotional vulnerability is something manipulators will look for as a way to get to you. The same with sexual jokes to develop your comfort talking about those topics casually and eventually escalating the situation. If you are going to talk about such things please keep that in private conversations with people you trust in your age group.

Note the difference between public and private online space. Tweeting something on a public account is not the same as having a conversation in the cafeteria with your friends.

If an adult tries talking to you about r18, run the other way. Doesn’t matter how cool you are, it says something weird about THEM if they’re willing to talk to a minor about that stuff.

If someone( like 3+ years, honestly depends on how old you are) older than you wouldn't be comfortable saying what they're saying to you in front of other people (like a teacher or guardian), that's suspicious as hell. Run in the other direction.

The younger you are, the more age gaps matter. There's a bigger difference in development between a 13 year old and a 17 year old than there is between a 20 year old and a 24 year old. It helps to try to contextualize it with real people instead of numbers. Instead of thinking "oh just 4 years? that's not that weird" consider "oh. that would be like a freshman (13/14) dating a senior (17/18). yikes."

Be just as wary of people your own age talking about things that make you uncomfortable. Just like irl, sometimes you’ll meet people your age that are hurtful.

Friends complain to each other and talk about their issues, that alone is fine. But when people are doing it without permission, draw a line. When people are making it feel like you’re responsible for maintaining their mental health, you need to draw a line. When it starts to effect your mental health, PLEASE DRAW A LINE! I know it feels like your responsibility sometimes, but it’s not. You cannot be there for others if you’re not taking care of yourself first and foremost.

Don’t be afraid to block people. Even for petty reasons. It’s good to block people. Don’t force yourself to see stuff you don’t want to see.

Being Constantly Online

The 24 hour news cycle is not a good thing to follow 24/7. Taking social responsibility is a good thing, but your brain is NOT built to worry about every issue in the world at once. One strategy I use for staying sane is I try to only check the news once a day, and if something needs more attention to set aside an amount of time I’m going to focus on it before I need to take time to step back.

Touch grass. Not literally, unless you can in which case I highly suggest it, sometimes it’s just good to lay in a field. What I mean is you need to dedicate a good portion of your time to being offline (sleep does not count). What your offline time looks like is going to differ depending on your level of ability, but even if you are house bound it’s important to build some hobbies that don’t rely on the internet. Talking to people offline is also a good goal if possible, even just to your housemates.

Social etiquette greatly differs online and offline and sometimes the reminder that were all just Some People gets lost behind the numbers and the fabricated personas. Keep in mind the difference in how information is shared without forgetting that the fact we are all people remains the same.

Be generous with your etiquette. You will avoid a lot of stress if you conduct yourself with the same politeness you would have in an offline interaction. Master the art of "minding your own business" for your own sake.

Arguments and Competition

As soon as you can, you need to internalize the fact that leaving an argument is not losing.

It is inevitable you will be exposed to many people who disagree with you. Some people only want to argue to rile you up. Sometimes that’s not their intention, but it’s what they’re doing. You do not have to remain in conversation with people, especially if they’re not interested in actually coming to an understanding. Even if they are interested, sometimes they just suck!! Leave!! You can leave!!

On that note, sometimes you are going to get valid criticism and it’s going to hurt. That is part of learning. If someone says you messed up and did something hurtful, take a second to step back from your defensiveness and consider: intent ≠ effect. Apologize, repair what you can, and move forward with the ability to do better in the future. You’re going to mess up every once in awhile, it’s inevitable.

To summarize the past two points: don't waste your time on unnecessary hostility but don't close yourself into an echo chamber either. Debates should be about learning.

Sometimes people are not going to like you. This happens offline too but people tend to be a lot more blunt online. Sometimes people dislike you for no reason or for really petty reasons. That’s not your problem, move on.

Don’t actively seek out people you don’t like or who don’t like you to argue with. Whether or not your side is the “right side” doesn’t matter, it’s going to cause you so much unnecessary stress. Feel free to keep posting your opinions on your own profile but don’t seek out unnecessary conflict.

This is a different type of competition than previously mentioned, but be aware of the danger of comparing yourself to other people. Especially if you’re a creative or student, DO NOT GET SWEPT UP IN THE GRIND CULTURE. It’s more subtle in some places than others, but anytime you see the notion that you should be working yourself to the bone be VERY critical. Also be critical of any online cultures (such as gaming and art communities) that brag about unhealthy habits or act like it’s ~part of the culture~ (ex: all nighters, not taking breaks, getting hurt. Any activity that neglects health to work toward a goal).

Not just grind culture, any community of subculture that shares anti recovery sentiments is a huge red flag. Even if they're joking, it's not worth the risk of internalizing those statements.

Everyone’s social media presence is to some degree doctored because it’s a purposefully selected collection of what they allow you to see. It’s fine to like the persona you see being displayed, but never forget that it is not reflective of the entire person. Everyone online is JUST SOME PERSON. Do not forget that and start holding yourself to a standard you can’t even see every side of.

By posting online you are opening yourself to criticism. Whether or not it’s justified can vary, but either way it’s going to happen. Mute stuff, go private, disable comments, etc if you need to.

Misc Tidbits

these are technically just general info that is also good for offline but I have seen things that make me think people online need the extra reminder.

Learn what cults are, how they recruit, and what they do to their members. I'm not kidding. This is particularly relevant at the moment because of current societal unrest and widespread loneliness. No one is immune to cult propaganda, and not every cult is based on pre established religion or family. Many exist ONLINE and are able to manipulate people without ever meeting face to face. (learn more: Loneliness as a Pandemic: The Dangers of Online Cult

Familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience. Please familiarize yourself with the concept of pseudoscience and then learn how to identify pseudoscience. (learn more: Karl Popper, Science, & Pseudoscience: Crash Course Philosophy #8)

Q. How do I know if a source is reliable?

Final Thoughts

It's important people of ALL ages learn these lessons, because the internet is constantly changing and we are all vulnerable when in the presence of other people.

Be cautious and stay safe

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being Sokka and Katara’s cousin and having a complicated romantic relationship with Zuko.

Your cousin Sokka had initially set you up with Zuko because he figured the firelord needed some fun and you were exactly that. You weren’t interested in titles or riches you were just an infectious whirlwind of carefree energy. He figured Zuko could learn something from you and so arranged the date.

He could tell by how light Zuko walked into the room the next day that his plan had worked and he liked seeing the positive effect you were having on Zuko. The pressures of the throne had really been weighing down on him and you helped him to get some much-needed freedom and connect with his non-Firelord side....however it always had a way of coming back.

Zuko loved dating you but he’d gotten pressure from every single fire nation noblemen on the council to break up with you. They disliked you because you were from the water tribe so many viewed you as an outsider trying to influence the fire nation. Zuko’s reign was still so new and with rebellions breaking out more frequently Zuko agreed. He had to put his country first even if that meant losing you. One thing Zuko hadn’t realised however was you had a very different view of your relationship...for one thing you didn’t even realise you were in one with the Firelord.

Your POV

Zuko was always pretty tense but you noticed tonight he was even more stressed and quiet. You tried to make conversation but he was sombre throughout dinner and when you’d finished he put his cutlery down and looked across at you. “Y/n I need to speak to you”. You nodded folding your arm “sure, what’s wrong?”. Zuko sighed "Y/n i’ve really enjoyed our time together but i...have to break up with you, I can’t see you anymore". You blinked surprised, one at Zuko’s honesty and two at the news you had apparently been dating the Firelord. You and Zuko weren’t dating or even close to dating, in your mind you’d just been having fun and sure you were definitely not just friends but you also didn’t think you were boyfriend/girlfriend. Regardless of what the label was you quickly realised what Zuko was telling you and it made a heavy weight settle in your stomach. Whatever this between you was...it made you sad to think it would be ending.  "You do?" you asked remaining composed and Zuko nodded. "It’s nothing to do with you it’s me, being firelord i don’t have the time for dating or fun, i don’t think it’s fair to keep this going when I can’t guarantee i’ll always be able to give you my attention". You nodded your head "that sounds fair, thank you for thinking of that". "No problem" Zuko said smiling sadly and you nodded awkwardly. “I’ll be going then” and you went to walk away when he spoke again "but i really enjoyed our time together y/n, i really did". You smiled "me too, you’re pretty fun for a royal" and bowed "see you around firelord” and you walked away.

Zuko’s POV

You walked out of the room and Zuko sighed. He felt a mix between relief and sadness. That had gone a lot easier than he thought it would and that should be a good thing but it didn’t feel that way. A part of Zuko had wanted you to argue with him or to dig to find the real reason he was breaking it off. He knew if you’d have challenged him in even the slightest way he’d have told you the truth and taken back what he’d said but you had just agreed and let it go without a fight. Zuko couldn’t help feeling disappointed and a little hurt. You remained on his mind the rest of the day and Zuko couldn’t stop wondering about your reaction. He was sat with your cousin Sokka when he decided to bring you up. "Just so you know I’ve ended things with y/n" Zuko explained and Sokka blinked "i’m sorry what?". "I know i should’ve warned you seeing as she’s your cousin...i’m sorry". Sokka shook his head "no i’m confused how do you think you were dating her". Zuko blinked "what do you mean? You literally set us up". "I introduced you because i thought y/n could make you loosen up a bit but Zuko y/n doesn’t date". Zuko blinked "but we hung our several times and...kissed and stuff". Sokka sighed "oh god as gross as this is to have to explain about my cousin...Zuko that doesn’t mean you were dating". "It doesn’t?”. Sokka sighed "okay here’s what you need to know about my cousin, she grew up in a town that was heavily sexist and married girls off at young ages, so as times started to change she leapt at the new opportunities. She refused to ever date anyone, it’s too much commitment and so instead she has fun with people, typically for short periods of time and then she flutters away, usually leaving a broken heart or two". Zuko blinked "but we were dating!". "Did you ever agree to make it exclusive?" Sokka asked. Zuko shook his head "well not in words". "Did you ever ask her to be your girlfriend?". "No but i thought it was implied". "Did you ever call her your girlfriend then?". "No i...it was new i didn’t want to come on too strong" Zuko sighed. Sokka patted his back "and there’s the broken heart". "I’m not heartbroken just confused! Why did she let me break up with her if we weren’t even dating?". "Well breakups are awkward, imagine having to explain to someone in the middle of one, that you're not even dating, i bet she did it just to spare your feelings". As soon as those words left his mouth Sokka regretted it. "No i didn’t mean that...i meant". Zuko stood up angrily "it appears i need to find your cousin".

Zuko was furious. He felt like he’d been living two different lives this whole time and that had caused so much stress. One half of him was the teenager who wanted fun, the freedom to go on dates and just be careless. Then the other half of him was the Firelord who knew he had to be responsible. He knew all the elder nobles thought he was too irresponsible and all his friends thought him too boring and conventional. He liked you because you opened him up to new things and made him feel normal. Not too young or too formal, just right, you made him feel valid.

But he’d sacrificed all that for the “greater good” and now not only was he regretting his decision he was also furious because apparently he wasn’t anything to you anyway. The thing he’d struggled so much with, you weren’t even aware of.

Zuko walked into the large living room the gang had taken to lounging in and saw you sat with Haru. He felt his temper rise as Sokka’s words filled his mind. How you broke hearts and moved on instantly. You laughed at something Haru said and Zuko’s eyes narrowed. He really meant nothing to you. Zuko stalked across the room and came to stand in front of you both. Haru jumped "Firelord Zuko" but you took your time glancing at him. You eventually raised your eyes to his and nodded "Firelord Zuko". Zuko tensed "y/n we need to talk". "Is it urgent because....". "It is, now...please" Zuko said and he walked away.

Your POV

You blinked as Zuko stormed away and apologised to Haru before following him. You had no idea why Zuko wanted to speak to you, surely everything was wrapped up now you were done but he seemed so angry. You’d heard about this famous fire nation temper but you’d never seen it on Zuko and part of you was a little impressed. You liked fire benders for that reason precisely, their inner fire and passion but Zuko had been completely composed and calm the whole time you’d know him. Not now though.

You followed Zuko into a room and he shut the door. "Zuko what’s wrong?" you asked and he spun to face you rapidly. "What’s wrong?" he cried "why did you let me break up with you and say all that rubbish if I meant nothing to you?". You paused "who says you mean nothing to me?". "Sokka!" Zuko cried "he explained how you flit from person to person, never dating them just having fun and how you move onto your next person when you get bored. We were never dating, why didn’t you correct me?". You shrugged "i... I didn't want to be rude, but Zuko I wasn’t just waiting to flit from you to someone else". "Ow yeah, Haru’s just a coincidence?". "You broke up with me! Why are you angry even if something was going on with Haru?". "Because i didn’t want to break up with you y/n" Zuko explained "i did it because i had to and it was a really tough decision for me to make. It felt like a big sacrifice to me and then to find out you didn’t even think twice about me" Zuko said rapidly before staring at the floor almost deflated. "Zuko i do think about you" you said softly "whatever Sokka said isn’t completely true. Yes i don’t like putting labels on things but that doesn’t mean i don’t care or feel the same things anyone does at the start of something. I think the reason i move on or flit around so quickly as you said is because i move on as soon as I start feeling things, i don’t like being vulnerable so me not thinking of you as my boyfriend wasn’t because I didn’t care about you, it was more to protect me from the opposite". "So you do like me?" Zuko asked and you took a breath. "I do...a lot". Zuko rushed forwards hastily and kissed you. You kissed him back wrapping your arms around his neck before you paused "but wait...i thought you said you literally weren’t allowed to do this". Zuko nodded but didn’t remove his hands from your waist "i did, as Firelord i’m expected to behave dignified and composed all the time, i’m not supposed to get emotional or act irresponsibly for example by dating an unconventional water tribe girl" Zuko smiled "but i don’t care! I don’t care if they disapprove! I don’t care if we’re boyfriend and girlfriend or it’s just casual, all i know is i really like you and really really want to kiss you". You smiled and rehooked your arm around his neck "then kiss me".

Zuko was obedient and kissed you passionately before moving onto your neck. You were both surprised and pleasantly fascinated at Zuko’s confidence. Usually he was shy and kissed you quickly before moving away but now....now he was confident and purposeful with each touch. It was very attractive and you suddenly saw why the fire nation had such a strong reputation. Zuko caught the look in your eye and smiled "if you want we can....go to my room?". You smiled "lead the way”. Zuko stepped towards the door so quickly he knocked a table over but he just tugged you past it "leave it, it can stay that way for all i care right now" he muttered and you laughed at how spontaneous he was being. It was nice to see him let his hair down and you grinned as he pulled you through the fire nation halls hastily. He yanked his door open before pulling you inside and slamming the door. Trapping you on the other side. "Hmm i don’t think running through the hall is dignified Firelord Zuko". Zuko shrugged "neither is this" and began to kiss you again.

***

You laid side by side and Zuko seemed very relaxed but you were wondering about something. "Should I be going...am i even allowed to stay here in your room overnight? Doesn’t it break some century old fire nation tradition?" you asked. You’d never been in Zuko’s room before and only now did it really hit you he was the Firelord with a whole country on his shoulders and hundreds of advisors all monitoring his every move. If they’d gotten so angry at you for spending time together surely the nobles would be furious at you spending the night in his quarters? Zuko however did not care. "Of course you can” he said immediately “no servants will bother us and my guards will know to leave so we can be alone...of course that’s if you want to? If you don’t want to stay the night...". “Are you kidding me? And miss sleeping in these silk masterpieces?" you asked wriggling against the royal bedding. Zuko laughed watching you before he looked more serious. "I meant what i said" Zuko said softly "you don’t have to be my anything...i like you, i don’t need any labels or anything". "But do you want them?" you asked. You’d been more honest with Zuko than you’d ever been with anyone and now a part of you....wasn’t terrified by the idea of making him something more. But Zuko had also listened to you too and didn’t want to scare you off. "All i want is you" he smiled coming closer "if you don’t want labels then they won’t come anywhere near us". You smiled at the effort Zuko was making and leant into him. Zuko wrapped his arms around you and you buried your head in his chest. Ignoring the feeling in your stomach that you should have been more honest.

1 week later

Zuko definitely took what you’d said into account. He was a lot more confident with you both in private and publically. Apparently almost losing you made him more determined to make the most of his time with you. He invited you to royal events and was attentive to you throughout them. When nobles questioned him about you he would tell them it was none of their concern and refuse to answer any further prying. You liked seeing Zuko stand up for himself using his dominant abrupt side but also kind of missed his soft sweet side. Sure having a temper and attitude were hot in the moment but after a while they lost their depth and you got the feeling it was an act Zuko was putting on for you. As if  Zuko thought by acting tough and in control with his court you’d be more attracted to him when in reality you loved how caring and considerate he was.

Zuko was also struggling. As well as maintaining the imposing Firelord who didn’t care what others thought of him, Zuko was also pretending he was okay with being casual. Zuko was not a casual person in any meaning of the word. He was a dramatic over-thinker, he had never been carefree and although in the moment with you he did enjoy it, afterwards his mind fretted over everything he’d done. He also worried about your open relationship. He knew freedom was important for you but he couldn’t help but wonder if when you looked at another person you’d start seeing them as well. Zuko liked you a lot and was sure he never wanted to see you with another person. He wondered if it was selfish but he wanted you all to himself and wanted an exclusive relationship....but he’d promised you he would be fine with this and that meant more to him.

So you and Zuko continued the charade to please the other, no idea that the other person actually felt the exact same way.

Your POV

You and Zuko had just had a pleasant evening with his friends and were retiring to his room for the night. On the way you passed a guard who looked at the two of you and then frowned. Zuko immediately tensed and went into Firelord mode. “Something you want to say?” Zuko called and the guard lowered his eyes “no Firelord Zuko”. “I thought not” Zuko agreed and took your hand. Zuko led you into his room and shut the door with a loud snap. You watched Zuko and all the things you’d been feeling this week came up. You needed to say something and now was just as good a time as any.  

You prepared for the night and sat down on the edge of the bed watching Zuko warily, wondering how he’d take what you were about to say.

"Zuko i’ve been thinking about something and I think we need to talk” you said suddenly and Zuko jumped standing up taller. "Are you okay?" he asked immediately coming to sit next to you. "I am and i want to thank you for all the effort you’ve gone to but i think we need to reassess the situation”. Zuko immediately panicked, you’d realised he wasn’t a cool collected leader and that he was faking it....you weren’t attracted to him anymore. "Y/n i think i know what you’re going to say" he frowned when you carried on "i miss how it was before". Zuko blinked "what?". "I know you’re trying to be more dominant in your rule and to be more protective of us but that doesn’t mean you have to act all unfeeling and unbothered for my benefit. You’re a kind sweet person Zuko and I like when you show that, so i guess i’m asking have you been trying to change for me?". Zuko looked down "i have....you just reacted so intensely to me being more confident and so i thought you’d want that more". "I do love it when your confident" you smiled "but you don’t have to keep that in every aspect of our lives, maybe just when we’re alone?". Zuko felt a blush rise to his cheeks but he nodded "okay". You smiled "and sorry one more thing....i know i said i don’t like labels but i think i’d maybe like to try them?". Overcome with the realisation you felt everything he did Zuko just kissed you passionately. You kissed him back before laughing as you separated "what was that for?”. "For weeks i’ve been playing this character and restraining myself from asking you to be exclusive with me and i thought if i felt this way how can we be compatible but all along you felt it too". You blushed and nodded "yes i....i’ve felt that too”. Zuko grinned and kissed you again before pulling away "wait let me make sure i understand this correctly, you’d like us to start dating? Properly and officially?". "And exclusively" you smiled and Zuko grinned "i’m going to do this officially then, y/n will you be my girlfriend". "I thought you’d never ask!" you cried and kissed him again.

[nobodyfamousposts]

Piggybacking off the disabled Adrien post: how would this effect certain plot points? I’m mainly going off of Stoneheart when thinking of changes.

Thinking of the series as a whole:

For one, it'd give a reason as to why Gabriel would be simultaneously overly controlling and also neglectful. It'd do more for the "sympathetic" angle the show keeps trying to take with him since his reasoning in keeping Adrien isolated would be more clearly and understandably to protect him instead of just denying Adrien any joy in life for no good reason, while his neglect of Adrien could be a result of his own obsession in trying to "fix" things and make them "right" (aka, bring back his wife and make Adrien healthy) that he loses sight of what he has as he keeps convincing himself that he can spend all the time he wants with his son "later", AFTER he's corrected what he sees as the problems and is able to have a "normal" family again. It'd show him being so focused on getting the power to achieve those goals that he's lost sight of why he's doing it in the first place and not realizing just how much is happening that he's missing out on in the process. It would be a major lesson for Gabriel.

Not saying it would mean he's a good father, mind you, but it would at least do more in humanizing him and allowing for him to be redeemable than this whole "over the top Large Ham can't keep his motivations straight" thing the writers have going. This way, we would have more consistency with Gabriel as a character and show him to have the motivation and intelligence to try to see his goals through while also showing he's human. Ultimately, Gabriel means well, but it's not helpful to Adrien or what he truly needs. It would also touch on the ableist perspective that someone with a disability needs to be "fixed" for them to be happy. Gabriel would ultimately need to come to terms with the losses and move on.

Secondly, it would allow an actual character arc for Adrien that isn't just about his love for Ladybug, him being the center of his own harem, or him being SAD all the time. Having him dealing with a disability would mean that the Ring would bring him ACTUAL freedom in a more real and sympathetic sense. Part of the reason sections of the fandom dislike Adrien and struggle to sympathize with him and his life is that for all intents and purposes, he's a rich, white, able-bodied, hot model boy that EVERYBODY, even the narrative, is clearly besotted with. While he seems to have a schedule, his room alone is so full to the brim with excess that it makes it clear he isn't hurting for entertainment or items. Basketball court, climbing wall, a computer with multiple screens. The fact that he was able to buy so much Camembert for Plagg starting within an hour of meeting him with no one so much as raising an eyebrow is telling as to his ability to make purchases without much question. Same with his attempts and apparent ability to bribe Plagg with rare and no-doubt expensive cheeses. And let's bear in mind that Camembert, while not necessarily expensive, does have a particular smell that some would find unpleasant. This is something Adrien has commented on in canon and given that he apparently carries a non-wrapped piece in his shirt for Plagg, it should reasonably be a problem, especially as Adrien is a model and public figure who has had to appear at various events...only for no one to at any point comment or try to limit how much he buys. This indicates Adrien has some measure of freedom where he's able to make decisions with little to no oversight.

While the show did have more instances where he's kept locked up at home in later seasons, the idea of Adrien being trapped in a bad home and using the Ring for "freedom" had been a fandom concept since season one. But the series proper hadn't done much to show any issues with him being trapped at home until later seasons and even then, hadn't done much WITH it other than use it as a way to make him look "sad" and play on the audience's sympathy. Ignoring, of course, that in the same episodes he's shown being "trapped", he also shows he's fully able to escape at any point he wants with no real issues or repercussions, showing that the real barrier is his own choice for inaction. It's the same problem with his general response to Chloe and Lila. And the justification that "he was abused and was raised to be non confrontational" only goes so far when canon doesn't show us that and even moreso in that we're able to see him fully be able to act and be capable of standing up to other parties (particularly Marinette/Ladybug). He has had multiple instances in canon of sneaking out, ditching his bodyguard, lazing around on a rooftop, or just manipulating to get away when he wants to, usually with no consequences. The only difference and the key seems to be that it's when he wants to. This picking and choosing of when he's going to be active vs passive is inconsistent, problematic, and gives the impression of Adrien being a self-serving hypocrite.

In this case with a disability, it would offer the reason canon Adrien seems to lack for his inconsistent passivity. It would make more sense for Adrien to not fight his father since his father's view of his disability would impact his own view of himself and his capabilities. Being a hero would allow Adrien a sense of empowerment and efficacy in his life that he had not had previously. It would give him more room for agency and growth since his passivity would be shown to be unhealthy and problematic. It would be a real FLAW for him, something he would have to actually work OVERCOME.

Third, this would change up the dynamic with Chloe. As such, it would allow better use of Chloe and do more with her friendship with Adrien. Much like Gabriel, Chloe could see Adrien's disability as a matter of him being weak and helpless, and that he NEEDS someone like her—or just specifically her to "protect" him. Given how much she hung on him in canon and how she tried to "take charge" at points (particularly notable once she became Queen Bee per Queen Wasp and that speech she made during Startrain), it would be in Chloe's character to try to keep him to herself with the excuse that she's watching out for him. She would be a lot like Gabriel that way. She would be convinced that she knows best and that as such, she's the only one who can help Adrien and make him happy. That it's for HIS benefit that she stay with him and keep everyone else away from him so it's just the two of them against the world.

As a result, part of the reason Adrien defends her so much would be due to this friendship and a feeling of obligation that he has to defend her because of how much she's done for him. It could be a level of co-dependency that they both need to break off from. Adrien would be better able to do so once he becomes more empowered and is more able to stand up for himself. Chloe, however, may trade one dependency for another as once Adrien starts slipping away from her, she could end up getting the Bee Miraculous and trying to use that and the power it gives her as a means of gaining/replacing the validation she feels she lost when she "lost" Adrien. She wanted to be Adrien's "savior" and now she's trying to be the city's "savior." It would explain the resentment she starts to gain towards Marinette (who she feels may be trying to steal her "spot" and take Adrien away from her) and later Ladybug, who in her way of trying to help would try to protect Chloe at a point when Chloe doesn't want to be protected and wants to be the one to do the protecting instead...which ends up kind of being a switch up of how she'd been treating Adrien and could be the epiphany she needs for a possible redemption. That her way of "helping" isn't necessarily always helpful to the person she is wanting to help and her way of treating everyone else is harmful.

This would be a valid plot point to help build up to Chloe's redemption. It would also potentially do so much more for their friendship instead of this back and forth amnesia both of them seem to have when it comes to whether they have no friends at all or if they each have just the other as their "only one".

Ultimately, this could help lead to a way of humanizing Chloe and allowing her to be redeemed. Without justifying her actions or giving her an excuse for her behavior. Without disregarding her hurtful antics.

Fourth, Lila. How much more frustrating do you think it would it be for someone with a disability that someone is faking a disability for selfish reasons? Adrien, of course, would need to sit at the front due to his physical issues, and would need to sit out at certain sports games. And how convenient it would be for Lila to suddenly have to sit out as well so she can stay with him and "keep him company". Adrien would likely become increasingly less amused. Perhaps less inclined to sit back and let her continue.

Another point of issue would be whether Adrien would still be a model in this AU. If so, Gabriel could be tailoring his brand and making Adrien the face of it still. But if not, there will be less reason for Lila to be modeling if he's not going to model with her.

There are more things that could result from this AU as well, but so far this is what comes to my mind.

[decennia]

I don't know who needs to fucking hear this, but I'm about to say it with my full chest:

SEVERUS SNAPE DESERVES NO RIGHTS, I SAID WHAT I SAID.

Why? I'll tell you why:

Let's start with Neville Longbottom. Often the butt of the joke, Neville was often played up for comedic effect, so I can understand why we never took the implications of his boggart seriously.

But the fact of the matter is: Neville Longbottom was more terrified of his potion's teacher than he was of Bellatrix Lestrange, a woman who was a proud Death Eater who tortured his parents into insanity, a fate several people throughout the series state as "worse than death."

I've heard the argument from Snape Apologists that Boggarts are "superficial" creatures, so they don't go much deeper for a fear of yours, and, having gleaned a recent and prevalent one, will shift into that. Hence why it would be Snape, who recently tormented Neville, rather than Bellatrix, who Neville has never met.

It still stands, however, that Bellatrix is a known Death Eater, and Snape was just his potion's teacher.

We also see from Harry's own experience with the boggart, that the boggart hesitated before turning into the dementor. It "chose" which of Harry's fears to become, Voldemort, or fear itself?

Now, because I always listen to both sides of a story, try and see it from both perspectives before I draw a conclusion, I asked myself "why?"

There never is a good reason for abuse, but I still tried to look at it from Snape's eyes. And the conclusion drawn was literally the same as almost every single motivation for every one of Snape's decisions: because of Lily.

Neville was born several hours before Harry, and was a contender for being "the Chosen One" (the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies) but Voldemort chose Harry.

By Snape's logic, it meant that if Voldemort had chosen Neville, Lily would've still been alive for him to woefully pine for from a distance.

And so he takes it out on a fucking c h i l d.

He abuses him, torments him, and even forces Neville to poison his pet toad, Trevor, who has been shown to be of incredible significance to Neville.

And when the potion doesn't poison Trevor? And actually proved to be a competent potion? Snape made his displeasure known by deducting five points from Gryffindor.

I know that's not a Big Deal™ in the grand scheme of things, but we have to remember that Neville was a CHILD.

Moving on from Neville, let's get to: Lily.

Remember what I said before, about Lily being his end-all and be-all for everything? I meant it.

I'm not saying she was the sole reason Snape became a Death Eater, but she was the "last straw."

Snape's dislike for muggles stemmed not from Lily (of course not, he loved her), but from his father. Yes, I remembered his father, Tobias Snape. The muggle, the abuser. Apples and trees, I guess. From what I recall, Tobias was never physically abusive towards Eileen, Snape's mother, but he was emotionally and mentally abusive towards her. This would be cause for resentment for any young child growing up in that environment.

But, for a moment, may I direct your attention to Harry James Potter?

Who grew up that exact same way with the Dursleys?

Who was also neglected (Severus was said to have ill-fitting, mismatched clothes, sound familiar?) but who also did not have Eileen there to protect him?

And did Harry ever become a member of a muggle hate group? (No. The answer is no, in case you all didn't remember that Very Important Detail of the series).

So, yes, Snape was abused, and no, I am not condoning it, I do sympathize with him on that front: no child should ever go through that. Ever. No matter the fucking child, there is no good reason for it. But do I condone his actions later on in life? Absolutely not.

Because he called Lily a "filthy mudblood."

Not just "mudblood", but a filthy one, too. And why did he do that? Because she defended him against his bullies. Yes, Sirius and James were bullies, I guess everyone's faves are a little problematic in this bitch.

And not only did he call her that, but he also was besties with people who fancied themselves the next generation of Death Eaters.

And when Lily asked him if he STILL intended on becoming one, he never gave her an answer, prompting her to sectumsempra all ties with him. Meaning, she probably gave him multiple chances to not be a raging bigot, none of which he took. Love of his life my fucking toe, gtfo—

Also, Snape obviously knew what his "friends" were doing at the time. Particularly, and especially, Mulciber's attack on Mary Macdonald.

Now, we can't talk about Lily without talking about James and the Marauders.

I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THAT THE MARAUDERS BULLIED SNAPE, OKAY? But listen up: still not a good enough reason to join the wizarding world's KKK. Actually there is no good reason, period, end of message, send tweet.

He loathed them so much, he literally gave zero fucks about their wellbeing.

Even though! Sirius' biggest crime against Severus is jokingly telling him to follow Remus Lupin under the Whomping Willow during that time of the month.

And Severus would swear that James' biggest crime against him (after "stealing" Lily, of course) would be stopping him from encountering the werewolf and saving his fucking life.

Where the fuck was that reciprocated energy when Snape KNEW that James was also marked for death?

Also, are you going to tell me, that with his ear so pressed to the ground about news on Lily, that he didn't know who the real rat was? That he didn't know that it was Peter Pettigrew? This is speculatory, but... Snape had to have known that Sirius was not the betrayer, he must've at least known it was Pettigrew, meaning he let an innocent man waste away in Azkaban and for what? Something that happened when they were kids? I wonder why Sirius is a "stray dog" idk probably because someone let him rot in Azkaban for thirteen years?

Don't even get me started on how he literally stepped over James' body to get to Lily's while Harry sat there crying. Please. Or the fact that he only wanted Lily spared? He literally said "yes, only her, please, Dark Lord, fuck that newborn"?

OKAY AND MY FINAL POINT BECAUSE THIS GOT TOO LONG AND HONESTLY I'M LITERALLY WAY TOO FUCKING ANGRY AT THIS POINT... I PRESENT TO THE COURT: THE CARROWS.

Severus had been made headmaster of Hogwarts, and what does he do? Allow the Carrows to torture muggleborns and first years. Eleven year olds. Disgusting. Please. What the fuck.

I don't think Severus Snape died a fucking hero, or in "penance." NOT when twelve hours prior, he'd been turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to eleven year olds screaming as the Cruciatus Curse was used on them.

Also, James never sexually harassed Lily? Wanna discuss sexual harassment? How does "waiting outside the Gryffindor common room until someone lets you in even though it has been made very clear that the person you want to speak to doesn't want to speak to you" sound?

I am not denying that Severus Snape is a tragic character; he's a very complex and somewhat interesting one, even. All I am saying is that I don't think saying "always" on the brink of death excuses any of your past actions. He's a martyr at best — having his sins "forgiven" by sacrificing himself for a just cause.

Yes, this is a hill I'm willing to die on. But, as always, I am open to a respectful conversation (not argument, conversation). If you disagree, I'd love to hear why. Try and change my mind; as long as you do so respectfully, I will hear you out.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)

I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.

I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).

But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. 

And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.

There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.

And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars). 

To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with:  “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”

You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.

Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.

Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.

And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.

So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.

And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable. 

In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.

But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.

But there are some more complicated situations.

In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.

So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?

1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”

Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.

And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.

The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.

3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.

Stranger: so what’s with the...

Blind Character: what’s with what?

S: the... you know

BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific

S: Your eyes?

BC: They’re... eyes

S: but you’re...

BC: Blind?

S: uh...

BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*

Or this conversation:

S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?

(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)

BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.

*awkward silence*

BC: instantly.

Friend: It’s truly tragic

BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young

Or this conversation:

S: Why are you wearing that?

BC: It’s called fashion Karen!

Or this conversation:

S: are you like... blind?

BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see 

God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...

4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay). 

5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.

So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.

Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”

So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,

If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience. 

It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.

Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.