#also your last line 😭😭😭 literally we just go through this every year for a few months it’s like a fire safety drill lmfao

[pinkaditty]

Could we have some after-sex headcannons with Rook and MC? I feel like he's the type of guy to bathe in the afterglow

okok anon i know it's been like ten thousand years since i received this ask but please know i never forgot abt you and i love you for submitting an ask <3

cw: mention of sex, implied sexual encounters, implied and mentioned threesome, penetrative mention, and i think that's all!

a/n: woooooo answering asks!!! i will answer others in the coming weeks i PROMISE i see your asks and i will deliver! <3 my reqs are open so please feel free to ask me anything!!! :)

MINORS DNI AS USUAL! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY! PLEASE!

first off anon you're TOTALLY RIGHT Rook 1000% bathes in the afterglow and just lays there for a moment after his orgasm bc he always makes sure he's last, prioritizing your orgasm.

sometimes he doesn't even need to get off, fully satisfied after he's made you finish however many times you requested or he felt like doing

definitely is an aftercare person, but he's not immediate with it. he takes his time, slow and steady with it.

he'll kiss you a few times on your forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin, thanking you for the enjoyable time and experience

he'll hold you close too, regardless of how naked the two of you are. he's going to squeeze you flush against him.and y'all will just lay there for like. half an hour or something. he won't deprive you of aftercare too long.

then he'll get up for a while, and though you miss his warmth, he's running a warm bath for you so it won't be long.

once it's filled to the brim of warm water and all the right skin products to create the perfect bubble bath, he either walks you or carries you to the bath and gently places you in there.

no, he's not joining you, at least not immediately. he's bathing you. literally stroking his hands across every nook and cranny of your skin and I mean everywhere. Literally.

once he's bathed you, he might join you, happy to cuddle you in the warm water and wash your hair or have you bathe him in return.

maybe another round lol

after the bath, he picks you up out of there, dries you off, helps you with your hair before taking you back to his room and sitting you on a comfortable stool while he washes the sheets ofc and then makes his bed and puts you right back in the comfort of his sheets

bottom line he DOES NOT let you lift a finger lol like he's not gonna! not at all! even if he got his back blown out via pegging or fucking or what have you… he will not let you lift a finger. he's servicing you and that's that.

ok i want to entertain the possibility of Vil being present lol sooooo…

if you all had a threesome Vil is also helping pamper you except he absolutely joins you in the bath and the two of you wash each other as Rook helps wash your hair

Vil also is probably the fastest recovering and definitely will initiate a second round in the bath should he have both yours and Rook’s consent

he'll also go and run the bath if Rook is still cuddling you

he's just slightly more busybody not really his fault he'll still love to cuddle you

also after the bath he'll make sure to take you step by step through his skincare routine

maybe he'll practice makeup with you and Rook if you have the energy

if not he'll just cuddle with the two of you and either rest and enjoy each other's company or watch one of his father's movies or something like that

very pleasant experience either way

a/n: lol i might do this for other characters too bc this was kinda fun?? also im sorry if this like isn't up to par 😭😭 i am thinking about redoing it to be honestttt but just lmk if you'd like a redo im happy to oblige!

ofc as usual shameless bit that I love love loooooove reblogs, comments, and asks!! please let me know what you thought! I love to cater to you!

[zinphandel]

Danny Brown- Atrocity Exhibition

hello phannie PHUCKING nation! everyone’s favourite series is BACK BABY!

its time for another kate rates dans favourite albums! Today we are listening to Atrocity Exhibition by Danny Brown

Initial thoughts?

This is a funnnnn and exciting one! Danny Brown has been someone I've been wanting to get into more, I'm not totally clued up on danny brown but he feels like someone I will really enjoy bc this seems soooo up my street. Ive defo heard some songs before but this is not my area of expertise!

Is this a first time full album listen through?

NO ITS FUCKING NOT. I listened and reviewed this album last year when i was originally doing this series. I wrote a full (really good) review, scheduled it to post and tumblr just fucking DELETED IT 😭😭😭😭!!! SO. we are going a re listen :) anyway. lets get listening bitches

Listen through:

•downward spiral is a perfect introduction to the album. the soundscape is haunting and literally makes you feel like you are falling into that downward spiral. song-omatepia? (also nine inch nails reference!)

• it’s weird to me that i haven’t actually listened to much of danny brown, it feels like it would be sooo up my alley

• obsessed with the instrumentals in the second track tell me what i don’t know danny brown is a master at conveying emotions through the mixture of sounds

• danny browns voice reminds me SO much of andre 3000 (specifically like stankonia era outkast andre)

•sexy basslines make me horny and there is an abundance throughout this album

• really doe is defo the highlight of the album so far. kendrick feature always make every song 10x better and EARLLLLL!!

• this is a veryyyyy sexy album :3

• ain’t it funny is fucking FANTASTIC!!!! what a bouncy brilliant track. the beat is absolutely next level

• omg how have i literally JUST realised that ‘atrocity exhibition’ is a joy division reference!

• this album STILL feels fresh, even though it came out nearly 10 years ago. so funky!

• REALLy like really enjoying the instrumentals on these tracks. such an interesting mixture of jazzy, punky and hip hop influences. i’m such a slut for rap that doesn’t just use the same shite reused trap beat and has an interesting and unique perspective sound wise. danny brown is a fucking master at this.

• white lines sounds like ur brain on cocaine lol - the album feels and sounds like that descent into drug fueled madness, chasing that high and running from a comedown

•the ominous piano and erratic electronica of pneumonia make listening an EXPERIENCE, it’s wild but fun as fuck (feels slightly death gripsy to me!!) “lick the clit and she did the macarena” is a fucking insane bar im crying

• love the complete switch up to dance in the water!! this album keeps you on your toes and requires an immersive listening experience

• from the ground with kelela feels soupy and sludgey and sexy and sensual! what a voice she has!!

•this is absolutely my favourite type of hip hop. fun, experimental and insane

•mate the production on this album is just fantastic - it feels SO post punk inspired 🤩🤩🤩

•need to hear when it rain mixed into a sexy techno set literally as soon as possible

Favourite song(s)?

really doe, ain’t it funny, pneumonia

Least favourite song?

probably ‘today’ it’s not bad AT all. just everything else is so banging

Would i listen again?

fuck YES! i don’t remember enjoying it this much on the first listen i did a few months ago. such a fun, engaging album that truly takes you on a journey, the PRODUCTION is fabulous!!!!!

Do i recommend?

✅✅✅✅ yes! can’t wait to listen to more

What would I rank it out of 10?

9/10

guysssss ive missed doing these! i hope you've missed them too because they are coming back FULL FORCE! see u tomorrow for another one!

read my 2015 reviews here

read the rest of the my 2016 reviews here

listen to the playlist of highlights from dans favourite albums here

[puffyducks]

DCRC Week #11

We're reading PKNA #8: Silicon and I do not remember this story. That's about all I have to say beforehand oop.

How are you gonna IMMEDIATELY start the Donald Duck comic book with half naked women omfg what if my mom sees me reading this

I do find it funny that they're trying to get rid of Fangus when he was LITERALLY in New Zealand just last issue. Like sure he was there for work but he was still gone for some period of time, it's like he came home and they were like "ok now LEAVE" which like. yeah fair. it's Angus Fangus.

Never ask a Scottish person to say "purple burglar alarm"

He's so babygirl here in his pink shirt btw. or like purple idk purpleish pink shirt

As opposed to what Uno, artificial humor??? Bro I've seen AI write jokes and that shit is ASS don't even try

wait why the hell does Fangus have duck feet? kiwi feet don't look like that????

man not THIS asshole again. go home broke ass uno. you will never be him.

I'm not calling you a "good boy" PK that patrol wa- sorry.

I'mma be fr I'm more unnerved by these naked evronians than I thought I'd be. Also what's with the line dividing their torsos? It makes them look like they have a shirt and pants on which like.... DO they?????

I love when they fuck with Angus Fangus can we just keep gaslighting him forever please

I think there's something interesting to be said about the fact that Due is basically identical to Uno in every way, having only turned evil from being forced to lie dormant for years and unable to use his insane amount of intelligence and computing power. Like, if we locked Uno in an empty room for a decade would he have the same response? Is there a great capacity for evil lurking within that beautiful green orb of his??? Idk I'm not here to do a huge analysis, RIP bozo packwatch. I'm sure Due is gone for real this time.

shoutout to that one name that comes SO close to being matpat. also who the fuck is uncle sis

oh fuck. shit. fuck. not again. DAMMIT. HE LIVED. MAN. BOOOOOO

I don't have much to say in terms of reflection so I guess that wraps up this- oh my god wait a second, what's this??? There's still a few pages left? That's right folks, Looks like it's time for our first ever

🎊✨~ BONUS COMIC!!!! ~✨🎊

That's right bitch, PKNA has a bunch of little mini stories after the issues. Unfortunately the first series is focused on Angus Fangus </3 but HEY Trip is after this and I love Trip so we just have to stay strong and pull through ok. Trust.

New baby Angus Fangus just dropped. Punting this fucker into the sun.

Oh she's bad asf ok

GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER

HELLO??? THAT'S SUCH A FUCKING DRASTIC TURN 😭

Actually you know what good on Vicious for backstabbing Fangus and stealing his award. That's what we call girlbossing your way to the top 💅 also like it's Angus Fangus who really cares

Ok see you next week :3c I miss Xadhoom

[aprillikesthings]

okay okay okay I have time for one episode tonight

s5 ep6 taking control

The ship is malfunctioning, Entrapta is working on it with Wrong Hordak's help

poor Adora

(also I did reread Nate's fic last night and like, I know teeechnically it's not canon because it's not in the show and I don't think he ever officially admitted it was his fic? but also it is canon. And boy does it make this sorta light-hearted scene more serious.)

OH GOD I'M DYING

Bow: "How did you turn into She-Ra without the sword?"

GIRLY like yes obviously it's wild that you can do it without the sword, but ALSO you can admit to them that it was because you were that upset about Catra.

Like the people who are suddenly able to lift a car because their loved one is trapped under it.

...."come out"

heh

oh see that's easy you just have to make Adora think Catra is almost dead

Glimmer: "The important thing is she was there when your friends needed her!"

He's not...wrong...

Also Horde Prime knows where they are, dun dun dunnnnn, roll intro (which hasn't changed yet but I'm watching it)

poor bb

yeah that's horrifying

oh right this part is literally in Nate's fic

Adora keeps coming back to check on her, and Catra feigns sleep every time. She doesn’t touch the water bottle even though her dry throat aches, because then Adora would know that she had been awake. But eventually, she slips into shallow dreams again — the green fluid, Prime’s smirk, the pain, his voice — and that’s when Adora happens to check in on her again. At the sound of the door Catra sits bolt upright, her heart pounding out of her chest and a terrified scream bursting from her mouth before she can choke it down. And just like that, her cover’s blown. And Adora’s looking at her with that same stupid, hopeful look, like Catra hasn’t spent years trying to burn her and everything she loved. And she can’t stand it.

So Catra does what she always does. She retreats behind her walls, lashes out, needles Adora where she knows it stings the most. It’s what she is. She’s an animal, nothing more than base instincts and rotten heart, just as everyone has always said she was. She’s poison, she’s fire, she’s broken glass, and all she knows how to do is hurt and be hurt in turn.

okay this reminds me of this post tho

okay back to serious

the line delivery here is so good but also 😭

Catra's split-second look of disbelief before it turns back to hard anger, aaugh

ppl do not (usually) change over night

WAHHHH

Adora leaves, angry, and something in Catra, some small childish piece that somehow hasn’t been completely stamped out, wants to call after her, wants to run after her into the bright hallway. She doesn’t. She stays in the dark. She doesn’t know how to leave it.

*cries*

Anyway back on Etheria, they're playing games to keep Frosta entertained and also AN ON SCREEN LESBIAN KISS

Apparently it was the combination of the previous episode and this one that made the first people to watch this season realize "oh we're going to get an actual catradora kiss. on screen. aren't we."

(I remember the day before Netflix dropped the episodes, with everyone I knew on social media basically doing a "will they or won't they." I'm Fandom Old and just kept reminding myself that if they didn't get a kiss or a love confession it was either for good story reasons (Catra was still doing bad shit at the end of s4!) or because the showrunners were forbidden from doing it. But man I was online intentionally spoiling myself as soon as I could. I HAD TO KNOW, but Daci and I watched it like a day later)

Okay so this is part of why I struggle to get how multiple years passed as the show goes on--why is Frosta still like. Eleven.

Glimmer is holding up a box that looks like the ancient sugar Madame Razz used to make pie. Which was also on this ship now that I think about it? That's. Thousand-year-old sugar.

But also

Adora: "After everything we've been through she's still a stubborn brat!!" Glimmer: "This is Catra we're talking about. Did you think she was just instantly going to become a totally different person?"

yeah Adora thought Catra would be grateful and like....lol no

that apron says "kiss the cook" unless someone convinces me otherwise

Also the Horde is following them

awwww another little she-ra doll :( anyway everyone's being weird and creepy

flying through an asteroid field is Entrapta's idea of a great time

BUT HORDE'S SHIPS FOUND THEM and getting banged around made Catra have flashes D:

They've been tracing Catra's neck chip

okay but that's not actually Catra's fault

Yeah I remember this part of the plot 😬

YUP

But yeah Adora drags Entrapta into Catra's room and she does NOT react well, which uhhhh makes sense given her and Entrapta's last interaction

but yeah the phrase "cornered animal" comes to mind

a cat at the vet's office with a "sedate first" sticker on her file

Entrapta's confusion is so genuine. She also sounds a little hurt tbh

i mean yeah that about covers it

well now I'm thinking of a fic I've read

AND I'VE HIT THE IMAGE LIMIT what timing lol okay hold on

[semperreformanda]

life update

last june my boss let me go for “not being a good fit”

it didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that the big reason was because of my pregnancy. and the biggest support to this theory was he talked negatively about a coworker (who was in the company for 6+ years) who got pregnant, saying stuff like “I don’t want her back … I already know how it goes when employees get pregnant, they’ll start calling out … I don’t want to deal with that” he would say all that stuff to me and others behind her back so I knew I was only gonna stick around to save some $$$ and use the insurance as much as I could

(oh and she was forced to resign bc they literally did not want her there anymore 🙃)

but when it finally happened it drove me in anxiety and anger because I had relied on the insurance especially bc I AM PREGNANT

yes it is illegal yes I should have reported it but I had no energy to do anything

but God reminded me through it all that He provides and He does! and so silly of me to think He could provide for my greatest need (my salvation through Christ) but not provide for our little earthly needs

another reason I was annoyed was I was already planning to quit but they beat me to it 😂 but that was honestly the worst company I’ve ever worked for. I could not deal with the constant disrespect and the yelling and the cussing and their questionable ethics

they stole an engineer’s professional seal and stamp it on their projects WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL meaning all projects are “approved” 🥴 this was the last straw for me bc imagine all the hazards

anyways… that was almost 3 months ago and I honestly feel so relieved to not be working there anymore. I spent too many times feeling so incredibly stressed out and then even more stressed out that I may be hurting the baby from it

speaking of… I am already 27 weeks pregnant today 😭 I remember when I first saw that faint line and thought I was hallucinating things. we tried for months only with a stark white test every month, so seeing a shadow of a line sent chills down my spine. and 27 weeks later my little bubba has gotten so big and active 😭 I love him so much

like it’s so crazy how he’s so close to me but also so far it’s like a long distance relationship 🥴💀

also learned a lot about gestational diabetes bc my hypochondriac brain was convinced I HAD IT

apparently it’s not due to your diet and you can’t even cause it. shocking how this is not widespread knowledge, because so many moms feel guilty for failing their baby when they’re diagnosed but in reality it is mostly your placenta being a jerk 😭

so for the past few days when I got the call that I failed my 1 hour I acted like I had gestational diabetes 😭 became very picky with what I ate, which is hard bc my culture loves rice 😭 and I took 10 min walks after meals

all I could think about was my blood sugars spiking and how I needed to bring it down 💀

also I had to fast for at least 8 hours before I could do my 3 hour glucose test which was honestly so hard bc if you’ve been pregnant you know the pregnancy hunger pangs!!! I cried after my test because I was anxious about having GD and also I felt so bad for my baby 😭😭 like I starved him 😂 even though I know he’s fine in there because placenta n all dat

anyways I just wanted to let you guys in on that bc why not and also I’m bored and drinking chai while my husband works besides me 🙂🤠

[diggingupgrave]

Magnificently Cursed... the blog post ✨

🕰🍂🕯🌿📔🧣🌙

My writing log says it’s been exactly a year since I started writing Magnificently Cursed, my Dark Academia Inuokko Magic School AU! I find summer to be insufferable (my apologies to the sun) so I took an escape hatch to an early fall last year and immediately fell down this massive rabbit hole. Not only did I write the whole fic and make overly-intricate graphics for each chapter… I also made a ton of other content that I simply didn’t have enough time to post! (Fall is but one season… unless you’re me, and it’s two, because fuck summer) So as a little anniversary gift to me, I’m going back through the archives and finally putting everything in one place. 

Let’s start with the character mood boards, shall we? 

Toge Inumaki: 

I wanted Toge to have an earthy/natural, vintage-y feel, while Yuuta was all sleek and new. I’m still completely obsessed with this library-lizard aesthetic for Toge.

I low-key wound up buying a brown sweater after searching online for literal hours just like the one in the upper left so we could twin. That duffle coat still has my whole heart. Lavender mug inspired by Neara 🥺

Yuuta Okkotsu:

The lil ghostie patch 😭 I still think Yuuta would look hot as hell in all these clothes- especially the speckle-y fisherman sweater. Coat game is strong here as well. 

... so is it obvious that I spend too much time on Canva yet? 😅

The Timeline: 

My outline wasn’t outlining and I resorted to making an in-world calendar to make sure the dates were realistic. Each chapter is a different color, and the lines represent what days the chapters covered in-world. The corresponding stars represented each chapter’s posting dates… except the real life dates didn’t line up with the fictional dates (rude), so those thursdays were actually saturdays? I think? I'm actually not 100% sure what past me was up to here, to be totally honest 😅

(also, politely ignore that bit that says “epilogue - december” 💀i’ll get to it when i get to it. I don’t really like the idea of it being *over* so maybe i'll just gatekeep that bit forever)

⬆️ Example of aforementioned “outlining,” which, yes, is unfortunately littered with as many potential tweets as actual organization 💀

Not pictured: the outline for the first three chapters… when i thought this fic… would only *be* three chapters. 🪦

Writing Log:

I wrote all 92k between July 13th and September 13th (including 60k in August, nanowrimo style)!

Honestly would love to know what her regimen was because i immediately went back to being slow and undisciplined. I don’t foresee this coming august looking anything like this, lol.

Also, sidenote, hilarious that I took a break to work on it would make a whole in the middle of this? Because I literally just finished that piece this week and posted it today 😅

The Playlist:

Spotify proving that July 13th commitment! If you start a wip without procrastinating and making a playlist for two hours first... did you really start a new wip?

The playlist was three and a half hours and i would listen to it nearly every day, sometimes multiple times in a day 💀. Listen during a rainstorm for peak vibes.

(other favs not pictured: The Butterflly Effect’s cover of “Lay All Your Love on Me,” Sabrina Carpenter’s “Decode,” Liz Longley’s “Rescue My Heart,” and "Nothing's Gonna Happen" by The Staves) 

Bonus:

(fall baking... toge's fav pumpkin muffins of course)

(my toge sweater knockoff)

(editing buddy... clearly working very hard)

(cider donut cider... for the ✨vibes✨)

(obsessively drinking massive pots of harney and son’s victorian london fog tea as i tried to interpret my own bullshit)

(me celebrating actual halloween like i didn't start in july)

.... ANYWAY (if you made it this far 😅) many thanks to anyone who read/kudos/commented/supported this fic, because (if you can't tell already) i had so much fun writing it.

Currently, working on another longfic rn that's also promising to destroy my life... but you never forget your first 😘

[softpine]

i agree :( each of them have their own reasons for not wanting to go, but the important thing to me is that elaine made it known that it’s important to her, and still no one is going with her. we know jada was thinking about going to the dance, but she ultimately chickened out of asking alisa and now she’s way too pissed off to go. asa just wants to be depressed in peace 😭 so i understand them, but that doesn’t mean they’re being particularly good friends right now

 @morrigan-sims​ when i said the thing about this post not being a hit, it looked like it was flopping fjksjds but then a bunch of people replied to it and reblogged it so now i look silly 🤡 (i'm just kidding, i obviously appreciate the love so much)

that’s a really good question and it’s one you’ll probablyyy get the answer to at some point :P

hehe :) i’m still trying to find the line between dropping hints vs. being too annoying with the constant references to something, but i’m hoping that every mention of homecoming feels a little bit like hearing the jaws soundtrack in the distance lmao

omg i’m too scared to reread it myself, i feel like i would find a million inconsistencies and drive myself crazy fjskdjs it’s just the nature of posting something as i go rather than waiting until it’s finished. but if you do reread it, i hope you enjoy it!! thank you so much for sticking with it and sharing your thoughts, it means sooo much to me 🥺💖 and those pictures of asa are my favorite ahhh he was such a cute lil baby ;-;

i love when girls treat having a crush like going to war ♥ if anyone watched the last of us HBO show and the behind the scenes footage at the end, i really loved how craig described the conversation between maria and ellie as a choreographed fight scene. that was my inspiration for the dialogue in this scene! i wanted each sentence to feel like a punch or a dodge. they really are beating each other up with their minds fjskjds

be careful what you wish for......... but also i would need a damn good reason to cut my best friends out of my life after so many years; it wouldn’t be over something like this. they can still work through this for sure

ooh okay here’s a vague spoiler!!

aww cute!! but wolfgang and sofia feels like it’d be a lavender marriage to me fjskdjs

@bitchyybabyy400​ ahhhh thank you so much!! 🥺 that makes me so happy; inspiring other people creatively is my favorite thing. nothing stunts creativity quite like school does, but i hope you’re doing well and have time to work on the things that make you happy too!! i appreciate the kind words so much 💖💖

i honestly still edit motion the same way (i actually made a tutorial for it here) but i’m a lot more sparing with it, because most of the time it’s unnecessary to show motion when you can show movement instead. even if the scene is just two characters sitting down and talking, i try to find a way to force them to move, stand up, do something with their hands, etc. in those cases, i don’t need motion blur, i just need to be careful with my camera angles! and omg my editing has changed soooo much, i wouldn’t even know where to start listing the changes. when i first started on simblr, i would literally take a yellow brush and dab it on the corners of each picture and gaussian blur it to create “light leaks” fjskdjs they looked like shit 😭 i’ve hit all the phases: way too yellow and overexposed, way too dark and desaturated. i used to have sooo much clipping and i had no idea how to fix it the way i do now. but it’s all a learning curve! i can make fun of my old editing decisions, but i don’t regret anything because those decisions are the only reason i know the things i know now :’)

[nikasholistic]

You said somewhere in your ask about relationship advice that “very often the perfect relationship comes when you're not actively looking for it.” I have always believed that but I just want to ask your view about something that happened to my love life that’s like both in harmony to that saying and is like a contradictory at the same time. So a little back story, last year I used to go to this guy’s live on TikTok, he’s tiktok famous, his videos are all about his thoughts about love, relationships, his past heartbreaks and everything about romantic relationship. At first I never had any initial serious intentions, I wasnt even that much attracted to him, but he is a pretty guy, fine as fuck, enough reason for me to flirt with him every time he would go live, I was always on the comment throwing compliments and corny pick up lines 😂 but I wasn’t deep into anything, I was just doing it for fun and maybe out of boredom. during those times never in my mind that I assumed that he’d see me as a separate girl that would standout or be noticeable from the other girls that would shoot their shot/flirt with him on his live… because he is really that attractive, that he is so used to girls always flirting with him. Looking back, I just realized I was consistently actively supporting him for like 3 months… until I stopped going to his live, maybe I got bored and tired of it, I didn’t go to his live for maybe another 3 months. Then one time he crossed my mind, I checked his tiktok account and he deactivated it, I was wondering what happened, I went through his IG, and he posted on his story a quote “trust actions not words”. Then days after he reactivated his account, I caught his live and hopped on it, I typed something, he went silent when he noticed my name popped up, then he said “you didn’t come to my live for 3 years” (can hear the pain in his voice) I was so surprised 😮 (((in my mind, the 3 months I was gone felt like 3 years for him?!?!?!😭😭😭))) and then he said more things to me that made me realize he was waiting and looking for me the whole time that I was gone, and as soon as I came to a realization that I was on his mind for 3 months, it felt like I was in heaven for a moment 😂😭💕 I also found out the reason he deactivated his TikTok account was because I stopped going to his live.. so basically, HE CAUGHT FEELINGS 😂😭 flirting for fun literally turned into feelings 😂😂😂 this is the part where I want to understand what you said about finding love when u don’t actively look for it, Because it’s like I was doing all that flirting but I was detached to any outcome, it was like I was applying pressure but I had no attachment to any expectations, I was just giving love freely but I wasn’t trying to pursue him, it appeared like I was “chasing” but I really had no goal to make him fall inlove. I was just putting love out there, and I didn’t expect all the love I gave would comeback to me stronger than what I put out. It all started and happened last year and he is still attached to me. I went from watching his videos talking about love, to now being the subject of his videos 😂😭😂😭 can u please explain how the law of attraction/law of detachment applied on this situation cause 😂

Wow, that's so cool. I think what happened is you focused all your energy on him and also was sending out the energy of love, so you got in your reality the circumstances that matched this energy. You just had this state of being of giving love without attachment. We always get what we are, because reality is our mirror. And I think you also were focusing on this guy a lot during his lives, so it's almost like you set this unconscious intention to make him notice you, and it worked. 😀✨

[keegan-askblog]

AG!! IF U WANT (pls do) RANT ABOUT ZACH BYRAN AND ALL YOUR COUNTRY ARTISTS!! I will wholeheartedly read every single word. (I absolutely love your song choices btw)

-🪷

SHDFGDHSCNDK ILYSM <3 MY NEW BEST FRIEND YALL. I’LL PUT EVERYTHING UNDER THE CUT CAUSE I NEVER GET TO TALK ABOUT MY MUSIC CHOICES SO IT’S GOING TO BE A LOT AND NOT EVERYONE WANTS TO READ THIS :) -AG

sorry but you dont know what youve got yourself in to 😭 like im a D1 yapper yall. its the fact that i can write all this but cant write a required essay for classes </3 idk would this be like a music trauma dump?? not really?? idk but i love country music smm.

omggg so like i know a lot of ppl are like he’s trying to copy the sound of another artists voice but like i don’t see it??? anywayssss i’ve been seeing be like clips of his new songs and man oh man 😩 so good.

ALSO I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE 28 ALBUM AND Zach Bryan ALBUMS. LIKE I’LL LISTEN TO BOTH ON REPEAT NO CONPLAINTS. I MEAN I LOVE ALL OF THEM BUT THOSE JUST HIT DIFFERENT

omgg the poems i love smmm like they just feel so raw yk?? especially if you listen to the song version then the poem. like i can just feel the emotion in them‼️‼️ i could listen to those themselves on repeat.

28-

Ok so like i looove 28 (song) obviously?? like just the line “how lucky are we” means sososososo much to me. like we truly doing realize how lucky we are to have things as simple as we think. like this world is such a blessing and i think everyone takes that for granted sometimes. omg and the longing in some lyrics like “Took 28 years of blood pumping through me …” ugh there’s a reason this song was popular for a bit.

omgg in Towers i love the backup vocals in this one. like ugh yes. The Great American Bar Scene is lowkey so western coded to me and i love it. its so upbeat and just silly. Better Days is kinda like a cute comfort song but its nice and light feeling yk? Funny Man just idk hits different. i love that song too (be fr i love them all smh).

ok but the one that has me crying is Pink Skies but specifically the one featuring Watchhouse. like idk the image it shows me where they're growing up and a simple thing like marking your growth on the door frame which is something me and my family did/do (cause everyone keeps saying omg no im totally taller when they aren't) and then its writing about funerals so obviously like thats sad. and the reminiscing about memories and pretending to be fine and like the small things in it? ugh but its the last part that really gets me. when they talk about pocketknife and the girl getting it lowkey tears every time. cause we all have our ways of grieving and for that girl that knife kept her kinda tied to that person who passed in a way yk? ugh you can tell i love this one lolll.

(last one for this album <3) Bass Boat. like where can i start?? the grief, pain, and longing?? personally "i was raised by a woman who was hardly impressed" just hits HARD. like im not even going to go into that (but the thing is i have the best relationship with my mom and dad ever?? and i dont feel it but i do). like every lyric has a meaning and everything about this song just slapsssss like the piano, the lyrics, both of their voices and the emotion in them </3

Zach Bryan-

starting off strong with Tourniquet (which i still cant spell). like it was the first song i was obsessed with. like literally my therapy song? like its what i look for in a man and comfort?? like a man that'll be there when you're down on your knees crying and want to quit?? like about to quote half of them cause it needs to be said tf?

"If you need a tourniquet or if you wanna turn and quit Know that I'll be by your side" - like yes. to have someone be there when you're scared and want to do done with it

"You've been stabbed in the back and the rest of your body Won't you tell me where you're bleedin' from?" - he sees the pain they're in and wants to be there for them and to help? yes.

"I'll bandage up your body and your bones and your bad days too Take care of the blood that your love runs through" - like idk this one is just ugh so pretty to me

like the absolute love in this song. being there for them when they're at their lowest and when they need it best and when they're scared to open up and to disappoint.

ASHSAJDSH Smaller Acts IS THE CUTEST SONG EVER AND MAKES ME GRIN AND GIGGLE AND JUST SWOON. LIKE ITS SO CUTE. LIKE NOTICING THINGS AS SIMPLE AS THOSE UGH I'LL GET DOWN ON ONE KNEE FOR YOU </3

i love the story in El Dorado and the beat is sooo good too. East Side of Sorrow is just gorgeous and means a lot to me and Holy Roller is just super cute too <3

ughh Jake's Piano - Long Island kills meee. its so raw in everything. like "The best parts of you are here, but you're still gone" hello?? like we always have a piece of those we lost but sometimes we just cant get them back

omg wait i almost forgot but there's obviously I Remember Everything which just like how do i even begin? like actually i don't know where to start <3 love the song. i honestly couldn't pick a favorite lyric. like Kacey Musgraves absolutely devoured.

Moving onto other songs i have to start with the first song i ever heard and which is also my mom's favorite: Something in the Orange like wow. i'm happy this was my first song i heard by him. the love i have for this one is like actually up there (and i mean it. not just me saying i love it)

Burn, Burn, Burn is such a wonderful song. like i kinda relate to it in a way for wanting that simplicity yk? also i love the guitar in it. Sarah's Place is such a fun upbeat song thats always a good song to play if you're with friends. Boys of Faith (ft. Bon Iver) is really good too. Oklahoma Smokeshow also eats so much 10/10 very good listen <3

like omg if i ever got tickets to a Zach Bryan concert i think i'd like explode. like its on my bucket list and every time he finishes a tour he says its his last so i'm actually so scared that i'll never get to go

[lv-iceprince]

https://www.tumblr.com/lv-iceprince/763842297608749056/httpswwwtumblrcomlv-iceprince763835954024873

Lol but you still get to go! Skz being so popular now, atp I would be happy to even be in the back to see them live. I don’t even know how I got to see Ateez soo close as VIP back in August. The absolute hell my sis, friend, and mom had to go through because there was more than 5,000 in line in the morning to get their lanyard was insane. I made like 3 lines and each was a 2-3 hour wait and by the time soundcheck and the concert started, we were already out. My sis literally just waited till “Its You” to play and then she left the concert only to get lost in the streets on her way back to the hotel🤣🤣So much chaos that day lol

I’m here and I’m glad you’re here!😭

Nahh I wouldn’t care, I’ll watch the anime I want to watch thank you very much lol good on you! Ooo I may just check Free out then

Really??😭😭For me, it helps me learn about myself in astrology and the level of detail you put into writing them is just chefs kiss🤌I know it’s so time consuming but it really is worth it and just knowing potential dynamics with your bias really makes it hard not to want to request it😭

You are sooo sweet I don’t deserve you😭I love your energy too♥️🫶🏼I would definitely wait as long as it takes. I’m literally about to kiss the ground rn thank you so much😭🙇🏻‍♀️♥️

~🎶

I HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO BUT I DOWNGRADED FOR MY MUM I COULD HAVE BEEN RIGHT NEAR THE STAGE

But my love for her outweighs skz, idk lmao.

It was so hard to get tickets but I managed to get some of the better ones with a version of VIP where I get the merch and they're doing this whole sleep set thing for Australia. I was also super close last year when they came to Australia so I got enough Felix and Hyunjin validation that night so I don't mind whatever seat tbh.

But that's so true I was prepared to not even get tickets since Stray Kids are getting so popular now

But that sounds so insane, I don't even think I'd enjoy that with the way it was for Ateez that is literally so chaotic I don't know how you dealt with that without losing it! But wait ago for you getting VIP to see Ateez that is the greatest achievement ever!

Now with Free, I love the dub more it just feels like it has more character, kind of like the voice acting for Final Fantasy. And despite it being so popular back in the day no one mentions it but it's probably top tier.

It's not exactly like Yuri on Ice or anything but it has a similar vibe and the animation is so so so so pretty! The way they animate water differently in every episode is so beautiful and it makes me cry. Just the most artistic show ever.

And yeah I see what you mean, I lost it, idk where it is but I did request a synastry ship with Felix once. I felt like royalty because our Mars was Marsing and the energy was like dream level.

And yep yep yep yep yep I will do it 100% I'm actually sorting out birth charts now for the other 2 people who have requested so no problem and nice choice with Yeosang. I have never done any ateez synastry ships but you requesting him and someone choosing Hongjoong I AM SO PUMPED

I'm not rushing I was already doing some work on a synastry ship now so I really don't mind ^.^ ^.^

[1d1195]

midnight memories has some different type of magic injected in it i swear because that album is perfect. you have great taste i absolutely adore both those albums <333

YOURE NOT STUPID !!!! like seriously don’t even worry abt it i don’t expect to remember everything we talk abt i just thought i might’ve mentioned a song that reminded me of him but i might have completely made that up in my head so who knows lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also seriously you’re way too hard on yourself about these things because what you give us is ABSOLUTELY perfect. like. i don’t even know how to describe it but every time i see you’ve posted something i truly get sooooo happy. so be as original as you want or go over the same tropes and lines a million times, we’ll all love it and support you no matter what !!💞🫶 (also i think all of us here truly don’t mind if you do the same tropes/scenes with different characters i think all fanfic readers go over the same stuff again n again and we eat it up every time😂😂)

OMG YES THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME !!! ofc i finished it haha i was literally stalking your page waiting for the last part😭 i canNOT tell you how much i loved it. i’ve literally reread it so many times THEYRE JUST SO CUTE. and i think i see myself a lot in that specific character because i was homeschooled like halfway through my schooling and all the people i used to know moved to a different state and so i just became like this awkward girl who didn’t understand parties, sucked at socializing, and would rather hangout in her room and read all night so i totally understand the feeling of not fitting in with people your age😭😭 NOT TO SOUND SAD AHAH I CAN PULL OUT THE EXTROVERT IN ME WHEN I NEED TOO BUT I JUST REALLY GET HER AND I LOVE HER SM SM SMMM I WANNA GIVE HER A HUG

her being a little nervous about their first time and worrying she’s gonna be bad in bed was SO real AND THE CAR RIDE THERE WHEN HE SAID SHE CANT TALK BECAUSE HE REALLY WANTS TO LISTEN BUT HE CANT LISTEN BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE HE GETS HER THERE SAFELY UGHHH MY HEART MELTEDDD☹️🥺

another part i found funny was the “omg this is the perfect place for you to murder me 👀” and the way she laid out the whole plan JSDGHAAKKA just them💞💞💞💞💞💞 the fluff at the end was sooooo amazing and the way he was so reassuring about everything she was anxious about before. and them being a lil domestic and going grocery shopping together😭😭😭😭 loved seeing that little glimpse of how they work together alone. i can totally see them getting their own little apartment after graduation like if they decide to go to grad school or get internships or jobs or something idk but they’d be so cute living together officially

I AM SO SOOO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I ALWAYS ENJOY TALKING TO YOU AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY MWAH

~🎶

I find 1D’s discography is best listened to in certain seasons. So TMH is a summer album. Four is for Fall. Midnight Memories I have a hard time pinning sometimes but I’m a big fan of blasting Strong this time of year when the temp is warming up where I live. MITAM is a winter album to me but obviously I’m listening to them all year round 😂

I’m 😭 thank you for being so supportive it means the world to me. I feel so UNoriginal sometimes but I just love the idea of love and unfortunately there’s only so many ways I can make my couples say I love you hehehe

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! That’s so cool you were homeschooled! I’ll have about 10009 more questions for you but I need a moment to think about them and ask but I was NOT homeschooled and I feel the very same way about you. I’m a wicked introvert in an extroverted world so it’s ROUGH and WAS rough all throughout college. I still feel stupid most of the time in social situations.

Not to sound egotistical, but loved the little part in the car about getting her there safely 🥰🥰 and the serial killer part was just something to keep it a little funny 😂 so glad you enjoyed!!!

Thank you SO much for envisioning a life after college because now I have some ideas for follow ups!! 👀👀👀

NEVER apologize for long messages. It’s my entire life! I love it! Hope you’re having a good day too!

Xoxo

[netegf]

i am so excited to read this beautiful masterpiece and to delve into nete!!! his feelings are so strong and i am literally so giddy to see his perspective, esp considering where we left off omg!! <3 😱💖💖💖

Maybe he used to, back when he was young and naive. Back then, he cried a lot, each morning a dreaded reminder of the pain and ache that awaited him each day, all for a purpose he couldn’t quite understand yet, that made no sense in a child’s mind, that had no way of truly understanding the concept of a future littered with war and loss, a future where he would carry the burden of being the next leader of his clan, the eldest son of the mighty, revered Toruk Makto and Palulukan Makto, the grandson of brave, respected leaders, the next in line of a ruling dynasty filled with great people he had to follow and to live up to. 

ok so this is my second read-through because i was literally so excited to get started lmfao!!! but this part here hit me square in the chest when i first read it... poor bb nete :'(( the anxiety, the pressure, the fear of failure here is so palpable and REAL. i relate to him so hard and feel all of that weight on his shoulders. and in retrospect, it also makes the words nete overhears later that much more hurtful 😭😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷 such thoughtful andra writing omllllll <33333 all the emotions!!!!

He couldn’t do this without you. He needed you to be his first flight. Like you told him last year, and like it’s been solidified in his soul every day since, you and him were meant to rise and fall together. You were meant to fly together, to soar together. And that couldn’t happen if a tiny accident delayed your progress. 

this literally made my heart clench.. his gnawing concern and panic for her.. he's so scared of being alone with his fears it's literally going to make me tear up i cannot 🥺🥺🥺 there's something really vulnerable and scary about actively recognizing in the present how important someone is in your life and that you might completely collapse without them.. i feel his anticipatory grief like crazy and i feel him so hard <333 i also love that reader can read his feelings so well 💖💖💖💖

“I know what I promised. And I intend to keep my promise. You don’t have to worry, Teyam. You and I have always been two sides of the same coin. And as long as you want me by your side, nothing could ever pry me away.”  "Just hang on, please. Shit. Please don't die. Please don't die."

this juxtaposition is LITERALLY cinematic!!!!!!! 🤭🤭🤭🤭

Neteyam didn’t get scared often. A whole lifetime of being raised like a soldier made his skin as thick as an 'angtsìk’s, and little ever managed to get under it. You did. You had unmatched prowess to make him feel so many things, too many things, all too intense, all too powerful, all too overbearing. When he was young, all of them were good and pure, all exciting and hopeful - love. It was love. Now, he feels anger and resentment, vengeful spite and deep arousal, all of which poison his mind and make him a version of himself he hates. Hate. That’s it. It’s all hate, isn’t it? So if it is… why are his limbs trembling and eyes watering, why is his mind jumbled with all these memories, why has the blood coursing through his veins been irreparably polluted with so much deep, earth-shattering terror and grief at the thought of losing you? Why was there a crater in his chest where his heart usually resided when he imagined his life without you in it?

me reading this part:

ANDRAAAAAAA </33333333333 😭😭😭😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

HE IS ABSOLUTELY FALLING APART AND VERY EMOTIONALLY CONFUSED! i loooooooove reading these kinds of descriptions omg

That day was Neteyam's happiest day. That memory is still something that he cherishes deeply, that he'll never be able to shake, that haunts him at night, that shakes his resolve whenever he's thinking of a new way to make you pay. That memory is still untarnished in his mind, and it will always remain so, especially today, as he's fastening Oare's lifeless form onto Seze, petting her one last time, allowing the tears he's been stubbornly pushing back this entire day to finally fall from his cheeks onto her face, almost like she was the one crying, one last time. "I'm sorry, girl. I'm so sorry."

this moment was so fucking beautiful :'((((( i appreciate that despite how much the two of them have been through together, and all the inner turmoil and history, he knew how important it was to honour Oare and reader in this way 🥹🥹🥹🩵🩵🩵🩵

then bring Oare back to the village for a proper funeral :(((((( my. heart is exploding at this point

"... that it should be her. She should be the next Olo'eykte. That she is the most deserving of it, has been since she was young. It took a long time to see it for myself, but... I don't know. Maybe he.." + "I mentioned it to her. She said she... doesn't want to mate with Neteyam. That she couldn't ever love him the way a mate would. She was... very adamant about it."

I FEEL SO !!!!! </333333333 i feel like this was literally his two biggest fears omg :'((( one, that the people around him (especially his FATHER AHHHHH!) think he's unfit to lead the clan / incompetent, and two, that reader would never love him in that way... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 i am utterly!!! in distress!!!! i feel like this context perfectly sets up the rest of the series... it makes so much sense that something this harsh and earth-shattering to nete would force him to switch up to a 'hate' that intense - he probably felt like he needed to rewire his brain after that 😭😭😭😭😭

queen andra, as always, ur work is so remarkable and i'm so invested in this beautiful story 💖💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰 thank u thank u thank u for ur incredible work!!!!

𝕄𝕠𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕀𝕟 𝕄𝕖 | ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕍: 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕊𝕥𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕋𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 ℂ𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖

Pairing: Neteyam x (f)Omaticaya!Reader

synopsis: Memories flood Neteyam's mind as he deals with your accident, making him relieve your history and all the reasons he can't shake you from his life, no matter how hard he tries.

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, aged-up! Neteyam/Reader, enemies-to-lovers, angst (mentions of violence, battle, blood, death)

wc: 5.1k words

a/n: I'm actually really nervous about this chapter, because while I love it, it's different than any other Monster in Me chapter so far. This is also the only chapter I've ever written entirely from the MMC's POV, and I hope you enjoy finally finding out why Neteyam's been acting the way he has, and why he's so adamant in his quest for vengeance. As always, thank you for asking to be tagged, I'd love to hear your feedback, your replies and asks and reblogs make my life, so thank you! Thank you to @cinetrix for her amazing Neteyam art, ilysm bestie x and thank you to @draiochtwrites for listening to me talk about my stupid ideas for hours every day, i love you x

na'vi compendium: txepvi  - spark, ite - daughter, srane - yes, Olo'eykte - female Olo'eyktan, tam-tam - calm, oare - moon, tewng - loincloth, torukspxam - octoshroom, ngaytxoa - I'm sorry, 'itan - son, angtsìk - Hammerhead Titanothere, yarik - herbivore, ftang - stop, tsantu - good guy, tsìltsan 'eve - good girl, kali'weya - arachnoid used in Uniltaron

: ̗̀➛ previous chapter (x) : ̗̀➛ series masterlist (x) : ̗̀➛ series playlist (x)

And maybe in another life We fight all day, kiss all night But I don't wanna break your heart You keep yours, I'll keep mine

Neteyam, for the first time in his life, couldn’t have cared less if he tried that there was a battle underway, that there were humans screaming and charging at the Na’vi around him, that the explosions happening every time a helicopter went down in flames deafened his ears - none of it mattered anymore, not as he heard the screech of an ikran he knew all too well, that he loved, that was now lifelessly falling towards the ground, taking the woman of his worst nightmares and biggest fantasies along, not when, with every second passing where he ignored the rest of his surroundings and dove as fast as his own ikran could possibly fly in order to make it to you in time, another memory flashed across his mind, so many memories he thought he left behind, so many memories that would haunt his every waking moment if he wouldn’t catch you, if he was too late. 

“Teyam, do you trust me?” 

“What kind of question is that? You’re my best friend. Of course I trust you.” 

Your mischievous smile, although more devious than Neteyam liked, always had power to put his heart to ease… after all, it was you. You, his best friend, the girl who knew everything about him, that helped him withstand every challenge life threw at him, just a couple 11 year olds who had gone through more than most adults do, who have been forced to grow up a lot faster than any kid their own age should ever do. But Neteyam didn’t mind. Maybe he used to, back when he was young and naive. Back then, he cried a lot, each morning a dreaded reminder of the pain and ache that awaited him each day, all for a purpose he couldn’t quite understand yet, that made no sense in a child’s mind, that had no way of truly understanding the concept of a future littered with war and loss, a future where he would carry the burden of being the next leader of his clan, the eldest son of the mighty, revered Toruk Makto and Palulukan Makto, the grandson of brave, respected leaders, the next in line of a ruling dynasty filled with great people he had to follow and to live up to. 

Now, he no longer cried, because no matter how hard life got, he was never alone. Because, even though you didn’t have quite the same pressure on your shoulders, you carried your own burdens and a sadness deeper than Neteyam could ever imagine or could ever want to. In his mind, the sting from a few bloodied gashes and the headaches that tried him each night were a small inconvenience compared to the pain that you struggled with and braved every moment since your parents died. When his father told him that you would be joining him for training in the weeks after the accident, Neteyam didn’t know what to expect. But day after day, you managed to blow not only his expectations, but his entire family’s out of the water, each day just another opportunity for you to prove to everyone that your future would be as bright as all the stars in the night combined, that you were special and unique, that you were a talent that only comes once in a few lifetimes.

Now, years later, Neteyam still found it hard to believe how strong you were, how capable and skilled and fearless. Whereas he’s always been more withdrawn and temperate, your fire burned strong and untamed, and you always managed to get both of you in trouble - if he were to be honest with himself, though, he would never mind, not with you. 

“Good. Then let’s go.” 

You didn’t bother looking behind you as you started sprinting, your flowy top and tewng, always one-of-a-kind, undulating in the wind, making Neteyam’s heart flutter in his chest. You were so beautiful. The most beautiful. A purple flush rising in his cheeks was all that was needed for Neteyam to be grateful for the way you always ran ahead of him, too impatient to wait for a boy that liked to take his time and enjoy the moments few and in between in which life didn’t have to go too fast for his comfort. 

"Where are we going, Vi?"

"Shhh, more walking, less talking, 'Teyam. You need to learn to embrace the unknown." you chuckled as you stopped and waited for him to catch up, before taking him by the hand and pulling him until he stumbled softly onto you and you both fell, him on top of you, with a gasp that turned into loud giggles from your side and unflinching groans from his.

"Vi..."

"The mighty warriors have fallen, what will the clan do without us?"

He couldn't help his own exasperated chuckle and the roll of his eyes as he spoke.

"I don't think we're quite there yet."

You shrugged, sure of yourself as always, a trait Neteyam admired and tried to emulate, to little avail most days.

"Soon. Your dad's already talking about the Iknimaya. We're almost ready, Teyam. And if we do it soon, we'll be the youngest Na'vi to ever do it. You and me."

Before he could say anything, you reached for him until your lips made contact with his cheeks, and it didn't help his blush, that was now deep periwinkle and burning his skin from the inside out, like a fire that wanted to escape his body, too powerful to be contained inside it.

"And just like today, if you ever fall, I'll always be there to catch you. You and I, we're meant to fall and rise together."

Those words rang painfully in Neteyam's ears as his ikran dove at full speed towards the ground, as his open, stretched out hand was just outside of your reach, as he watched your body disappear through the trees, where it would inevitably crash, where it might be lost forever.

His heart, that was going as fast as his ikran was, watching your unconscious form collect deep, bleeding scars like Kiri collected pebbles in the woods with every hard branch your body made contact with, stopped racing in his chest as, by the grace of Eywa, your fall was broken by the plush, attenuating force of a torukspxam right before you hit the ground. Despite the fear, so deeply embedded in him, it was impossible to know if he would ever be able to fully detach himself from it again, a seed of hope bloomed in him that maybe he wasn't too late. That maybe, despite not being able to catch you, not now nor for the past 7 years in which he's left built up resentment prevent him from wanting to, maybe he wasn't too late.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

He didn't wait for Seze to land before he jumped and approached you, pushing with all his might against the drag of his own heavy body that felt like it was experiencing the world in slow motion, until one of his hands found the back of your neck, propping you up gently and his other hand placed two fingers on your pulse point, trying to feel for a heartbeat that would either calm his own or stop it altogether.

"Please, Txepvi. Please..."

When the small, barely-felt flutters registered in him, he let out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding and wasted no time in picking you up bridal-style and running back to his beautiful ikran. He had no time to dwell on the cracks deepening in his heart as he watched Seze bumping her snout on the side of Oare's lifeless face, sorrowful trills filling his ears, no time to dwell on the red liquid spilling out from multiple points in your body, dripping down his body and onto the ground, no time to stop yet another memory fighting to come to the forefront of his mind.

Fickle as you are That's exactly why I keep on running back 'Cause I'm brittle at the parts Where I wish I was strong

“I can walk, Teyam.” 

Neteyam decided to ignore you as he grabbed you by the back of your knees and carried you back to the village, the gash in your leg large enough to have hit a couple veins and stain your thigh red, but not deep enough to make it life-threatening - still, Neteyam wouldn’t take any chances. Taking chances… that was the reason for keeping you so close to him, your face buried in the crook of his neck… that was the only reason. 

“Can you, Vi? Isn’t that how this happened in the first place?” He chuckled, yelping a little when your fist made contact with his chest. 

“It was an accident, you know that.”

“Yeah, well, you have a lot of accidents. And so close to the Iknimaya, too…” the shake of his head was mostly a teasing one, and although he tried to push away the nagging fear eating away at him, the one that told him you might not be able to take it with him, the one that screamed he’d be all alone once more, like he was before you, the one that urged bad memories and ugly scenarios into his mind, the one whose ugly head appeared as though from around the corner, staring intently to see if he’ll allow it to approach or banish it from existence. He couldn't decide yet.

He couldn’t do this without you. He needed you to be his first flight. Like you told him last year, and like it’s been solidified in his soul every day since, you and him were meant to rise and fall together. You were meant to fly together, to soar together. And that couldn’t happen if a tiny accident delayed your progress. 

“Aw, it’s sweet you’re worried, although I think it’s mostly selfish and you’re just too scared to do the Iknimaya by yourself.”

The tinge in his cheeks is enough validation for you to start laughing at him, your head thrown so far back, he had to readjust his grip on you, so that you wouldn’t fall out of his arms. 

“I knew it! You scaredy-cat. Why would you be scared, Teyam? Out of everyone here, everyone who’s gonna do this next, out of all of us, you are the best. You’ve always been the best.” 

“No. You’re the best." As much wasn't up for discussion to him, and never will be. "And you promised.” 

Your smile softened taking him in, the little pout he tried his best to conceal, the little scrunch of his nose, the way his ears twitched in slight annoyance and slight embarrassment… he couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought you found it… endearing? 

“I know what I promised. And I intend to keep my promise. You don’t have to worry, Teyam. You and I have always been two sides of the same coin. And as long as you want me by your side, nothing could ever pry me away.” 

"Just hang on, please. Shit. Please don't die. Please don't die."

And maybe when you need my help I like myself when it's over But later in the light, you go Dark and rogue, and I need closure

“Ma ‘ite, you have to be more careful.” The quiet, teasing admonishments of his grandmother do little do deter you, although you keep your eyes on the ground, slight embarrassment visible in the swish of your tail and the flatness of your ears.

“Srane, ma Tsa’hik. Ngaytxoa.”

The thick cream paste made its way from Mo’at’s fingers to your thigh, where it was spread in a hefty layer until the cut was no longer visible. You winced as it made contact with your skin, but said nothing as you accepted the help, and Neteyam saw his grandmother nod in approval at your bravery and inclination to suffer in silence, to not let anyone know you’re in pain at any point. Strong heart. Him, on the other hand, wished you were a bit more forthcoming, wished you didn’t feel the need to go through suffering alone. With a pat on your head and a soft smile, the Tsa’hik raised from her spot on the floor and turned her back on you both.

“You’re all done. It’s just a scratch, this time. I feel like I always have to have extra healing salve at the ready just for you. Now go, and be careful. Your Iknimaya is soon and my grandson would never forgive you if you missed it.” 

“Neteyam, quick, put her on the mat. I need all the help I can get, now! Go get all the healers in training, we don’t have a lot of time.” The barking of orders did little to ease Neteyam’s fear, as he very rarely has ever seen his grandmother this agitated. After sending away the trainees, she turned to her grandson and took a deep breath, to calm herself. As serious her voice was, as rushed and violent the atmosphere around them, she still found the second to put her hand on her grandson’s chest, feeling the erratic, loud, trepidous heartbeat that refused to settle in him. 

“Ma ‘itan, she’s very weak. I know you haven’t been close in a long time, but she is your intended mate. I need you to prepare yourself for the worst. Now go back to the battle.” 

“No. I’m staying here.”

Neteyam didn’t get scared often. A whole lifetime of being raised like a soldier made his skin as thick as an 'angtsìk’s, and little ever managed to get under it. You did. You had unmatched prowess to make him feel so many things, too many things, all too intense, all too powerful, all too overbearing. When he was young, all of them were good and pure, all exciting and hopeful - love. It was love. Now, he feels anger and resentment, vengeful spite and deep arousal, all of which poison his mind and make him a version of himself he hates. Hate. That’s it. It’s all hate, isn’t it? So if it is… why are his limbs trembling and eyes watering, why is his mind jumbled with all these memories, why has the blood coursing through his veins been irreparably polluted with so much deep, earth-shattering terror and grief at the thought of losing you? Why was there a crater in his chest where his heart usually resided when he imagined his life without you in it?

Maybe it's because, for better or for worse, you were a constant in his life. From the second your presence made its way to him, you never left. There hasn't been a day that he hasn't seen you, that he hasn't been in your vicinity, not a day in which you haven't trained together, side by side, friends before, enemies after, but always together. Your words, that he drowned for years, came back like an undying echo ringing in his ears.

"You and I, we're meant to fall and rise together..."

I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That we don't lose, yeah, what's the use?

More and more, it felt like you had been right all along. He didn't think about it for so long, so desperate in his attempts to hurt you like you had hurt him, to sour your life like how you soiled his most precious memories, all of you and him, all of a childhood long left behind, all of fantasies he's harboured at the time that long dissipated from the version of future he used to dream about. Nothing about his life now was how he once envisioned, and that was because of you. He would never forgive you, but he couldn't let you go, either. No matter how the visions differed from his current reality, he couldn't shake you, couldn't let you go. Because despite it all, he couldn't part with the girl that used to be his partner in crime, his training buddy, his best friend, his first flight.

"Are you ready?"

Neteyam watched in awe as you confidently nodded at his father, smiling as if the hardest challenge an Omaticaya Na'vi would ever undertake, one that most people did when they were much, much older, was nothing to you, like it was just another yarik hunt that you've done a thousand times before. You turned to him and the smile you gave him dazzled him, left him breathless, not a good thing for the trek he was about to undertake, but still, not something he would could ever find it in himself to be upset about. You turned your attention momentarily to the bowl of paint in your hands before you brought a finger to his face, completing the pattern that was the same as the one you were adorning, one that he painted on you.

You both took turns saying goodbye to everyone, paying special attention to the little bundle in Neytiri's arms. Neteyam couldn't believe this was his little sister, and couldn't believe how attentive you were with her, how careful and loving. Some of his personality must be rubbing off on you, because to the Sully family's surprise, you didn't drop Tuk once in the year she's been born. In fact, you haven’t dropped anything in the last couple of months, including yourself from high places, which used to be one of your favourite past times, and Neteyam couldn't help blush at the thought that he was the reason you were being a little more careful.

As expected, the climb was the hardest thing Neteyam ever put his body through, and he felt suddenly grateful for all the years of torturous training that now felt like a peaceful breeze of the wind in an otherwise unyielding hurricane. Still, seeing you in front of him, not once complaining, not in front of the multiple 15 to 19 year olds that were also taking their rite of passage today, not in front of your Olo'eyktan, made him push through, too. If you could do it, so could he. Because you would do it, so would he.

The rookery was hidden behind a waterfall, and Neteyam watched as one by one, the few Na'vi joining you both either failed or succeeded, and with each attempt, his fear grew stronger, his mind more restless. Eventually, it was his turn, and with a deep breath, he started walking towards the slippery ledge that would lead him to his fate. A hand on his chest not only stopped him in his tracks, but also stopped his heart momentarily, just momentarily, because before he knew it, it started booming again with enough intensity to dizzy him.

"Ma tsantu... you got this. Remember, you and I, we're meant t-"

"-to fall and rise together, I know." you smile, your fingers smoothing the deep frown that gave Neteyam a headache without even realising and he sighed, trying to calm his mind and soul, focusing on you and only you.

"Exactly. So you can't fall, because if you do, I'll have to follow you... and I don't intend to fall yet, Teyam. Not yet."

"How did this happen?"

"Oare... got shot. She's dead. She... fell. I couldn't catch her." I couldn't catch her...

Neteyam couldn't bear to look at the way his grandmother was ripping you apart, although he knew it was all with the purpose of putting you back together again. Her trainees, all girls he knew, some girls he knew more intimately than others, all flocked around you, with wet cloths and trays of balms and powders, of plants and tinctures, and it all hurt, the guilt of knowing to some extent, to a large extent, this was all his fault. This ongoing war between you, never-ending and harrowing, reached a nadir that resulted in the death of your ikran, in your accident, and indirectly, because of your removal and his from the battlefield, might result in the deaths of good na'vi men and women, all of whom had families and a life, and a future they would be robbed of.

Neteyam couldn't leave you and go back. If he did, he knew that much like you, he wouldn't be able to focus enough to matter, and the thought of his mother, of his father, losing one more loved one was too much to bear. Neteyam couldn't leave you, but he couldn't stay here either. It hurt, being here, watching flashes of the girl he hates intertwined with the girl he loved more than anything else in the world, it hurt, having to deal with feelings he buried deep down and memories that came to him like summer rain, uninterrupted and warm, but powerful enough to flood and leave damage their wake.

With one last look at your unconscious form, Neteyam left the village on the back of his Ikran, knowing there was one thing he needed to do, he had to do. His mind was overcome with agonising sorrow as Seze's mourning was felt through his entire being, and the full weight of what transpired came crashing down on him like a tidal wave he could do little to stop, but had to power through, hoping that by the end there was something left of his heart to go on. Oare, much like Seze, has been in his life every day for the last 7 years, and he loved her. She was playful and sweet, and she always played with him when he snuck out at night to give her pets and treats, refusing to let your declining relationship affect their bond. Oare was Seze's best friend, her companion and life partner, and Neteyam knew her death would affect his ikran for a long time, perhaps forever.

With a squeal that matched the banshee, Neteyam watched from the air, on the back of his new mount, his new friend, his new spirit sister, as you made Tsaheylu, and his heart, that has been barely beating in anxious fear, felt finally awake again.

"Ftang! Tam tam, tsìltsan 'eve." your smile was wide and relieved as your eyes searched the sky until they found his, and he swore he never knew it was possible to love someone so much, to feel so connected to a soul, so much so it felt like he could hear you, your heartbeat and your mind, like tsaheylu would have been redundant because he knew. He just knew.

"I did it, Teyam!"

"Yes, you did, Vi! Come, first flight seals the bond."

That day was Neteyam's happiest day. That memory is still something that he cherishes deeply, that he'll never be able to shake, that haunts him at night, that shakes his resolve whenever he's thinking of a new way to make you pay. That memory is still untarnished in his mind, and it will always remain so, especially today, as he's fastening Oare's lifeless form onto Seze, petting her one last time, allowing the tears he's been stubbornly pushing back this entire day to finally fall from his cheeks onto her face, almost like she was the one crying, one last time.

"I'm sorry, girl. I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry that I beat you... again. You're gonna have to do much better than this to beat me, Teyam."

The floating rock you landed on, hours after you finished your Iknimaya, was alit with biofluorescence, the colours reflecting in your eyes and on your shiny skin, covered in a light layer of sweat from the flight.

"Give me a break, Vi. It's my first time doing this."

"Yeah, cause I've been doing it for ages." you say, chuckling and rolling your eyes. You prop your body on your elbows and point to the two banshees playing in the air with each other, a mass of ravelling green and purple, so beautiful, and so, so free.

"I can't take all the credit. She did most of the work. I love her already, Teyam. Do you have a name in mind for yours?"

Neteyam didn't have to think about it too much. Ever since he's first found out about the Iknimaya, a story told to him by his mother consolidated a name in his memory that he's never been able to forget.

"Seze. Like my mother's ikran that bravely gave her life in the war against the Sky People."

"That's pretty. And fitting. She's a beautiful flower."

"What about you?"

"Oare."

"Why?"

"I used to look at the moons every night and think I'm so far away from this, from my destiny, from who I've always known I was meant to be, the Iknimaya might as well have been the moon - unreachable, untouchable, a world away. And now, I'm here, with you, way past curfew, and we're gonna get in so much trouble and I couldn't care less because I did it, I reached the moon. And I did it with the only person I ever wanted to. So.. Oare."

"Thank you, Teyam. I learnt a lot from you in these years. Ever since I met you, I knew you were special. And I think, even without realising, I wanted to be more like you. I've looked up to you for so long, I don't even remember my life before the Sullys took me in. If I'm here today, it's because of you. You helped me become more temperate and understand the weight of my talent and my power, and that I have a responsibility to the clan, that this is bigger than me, and my life."

Neteyam was taken aback at your words. You were never this forthcoming with your feelings normally, but he couldn't say he wasn't happy about it. He was so happy.

"I love you, Vi. I may have made you more responsible, but you made me better. Braver. More creative, more inventive. I almost couldn't finish the Iknimaya today, and then one of your crazy ideas popped in my head, and it worked. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't have done this without you, without your influence in my life. Thank you."

You smiled softly, and put your head on his chest, just watching the dance of the banshees, and he prayed that this moment would never end.

"I guess we really are meant to be together then, huh?"

"Yeah. I guess we are."

Neteyam placed Oare in the village, where the elders and Tsa'hik would be able to perform Eywa's funeral rituals, before making his way back to the tent. He couldn't help the gasp that escaped him as he was met with your drowsy, blood-shot eyes, so much sadness in them, it broke him. They were so different then the ones that have haunted Neteyam's mind today, so devoid of the innocence and love he remembered, so filled with anger and spite and hurt, so much like his own, such a bitter reminder that the past was only that, the past, and there was nothing left of you, or of him, of the love you shared and the future he envisioned. With one last memory, Neteyam felt the walls surrounding his heart, thick and unflinching, growing harder with every year since the Iknimaya, fortify yet again, as one last memory emerged uninvited and reminded him of why, despite your history, Neteyam would never look at you the same way again.

And I know whatever this is ain't love So I'm goin' I'm gonna let you go, let you go

"I'm going to go back to my tent. I had too much of a good day to spoil it by Jake yelling at me for 2 hours straight. I'd rather save the pleasure for tomorrow."

"That's so unfair, why do I have to suffer by myself?"

A shrug was all the answer you felt was necessary to give him, and he felt his heart drop at the notion of going to his family's tent so late, so far past curfew, without your much more argumentative presence, that his father could never resist. He walked cautiously, silently, praying that his family would be asleep so he could just sneak in and postpone the yelling until tomorrow. To his surprise, he heard whispered voices coming from right outside the tent, whispers he quickly recognised as his father and grandmother's.

"... that it should be her. She should be the next Olo'eykte. That she is the most deserving of it, has been since she was young. It took a long time to see it for myself, but... I don't know. Maybe he.."

...Olo'eykte? You? Neteyam couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't believe how quickly his father was willing to replace him, how quickly he considered you better and more worthy of the title than his own son, than the rightful heir. You were both 12, for Eywa's sake. How could a decision be made so early? Neteyam felt tears gather in his eyes, the betrayal's sting more painful than a kali'weya's, and yet, still, a part of him knew this already. A part of him couldn't find it in him to be upset, because you were better. And you deserved to lead, you deserved to fulfil your destiny, that was made for greatness, made for the songs and the ballads, made for history.

"It's Neteyam's birthright, Jakesulli. It wouldn't be right, no matter how worthy the girl is. What about a mateship? They have been inseparable for years anyhow."

"Ah, she would never want to be Tsa'hik. And she wouldn't be good at it anyway. Besides..." the silence felt like it dragged on forever, and he clung on to it, afraid of what was waiting for him at the end of it.

"I mentioned it to her. She said she... doesn't want to mate with Neteyam. That she couldn't ever love him the way a mate would. She was... very adamant about it."

As Neteyam looked into your eyes, those words forever embedded in his psyche, playing in his ears like a cacophony of sounds that rattled him every time he saw you, even so many years later, solidified in him by all the times you continued to hurt him, continued flaunting your relationships and skills to him, your connection and closeness to his own family, that sometimes he felt like he didn't belong in anymore, like he was the adoptive one... he was reminded that every time, it hurt, every day, it broke him further, and those eyes that were once his guidepost and the reason he got up in the morning, were now empty and bleak, and enough to make anger bubble in his soul once more, until it drowned everything else, until it was all that was left.

I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That we don't lose, yeah what's the use? I don't need a reason to keep on dreamin' That I can win this stupid thing called love

taglist: @fanboyluvr @theycallmesia @afro-hispwriter @soleilmoon @crazy4books1 @bakugouswaif@randxmthxughts @xreadersstuff @sirezaya @kimberlyshailany-blog @gyuventure @jujudsmyst @kikookii @nxptury @nonniesworld @koing-slvt @bakugouswaif @isnt-itstrange @tpwkforevermore @alahamums @tallulah477 @gknj9495@aquamarine001 @itssomeonereading @yumimak@sweetbread-m@eqgroil @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @juneonhoth @yagirlheree @jackiehollanderr @legendarynoodlebowl @iameatingmyhair @justasimps-blog@hannabanana-09 @xylianasblog @misscaller06 @yeosxxx @myh3artttt @teyamsbitch @musicownsme @i-live-in-a-fantasy-daydream @zoetrope1997 @itsmy-alteregohere @ntymavtr @curlszx88 @maki-z @riatesullironalite @baahsaama @luna-salem @teyamtesuli @koing-slvt

[vizthedatum]

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to. I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’ And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes 😅

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

Hi!! I wanted to take my time with my response to be able to respond appropriately and to show myself care as well (I've had a rough week). I will respond in line to your message.

I don't mind long messages! I send long messages too haha <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others

I think we often get bogged down with "how we should be" instead of checking in with ourselves with how we actually are.

Similarly, I have felt like I couldn't cope with a lot… and would kinda just struggle through it or force myself through it (burning myself out in the process). It wasn't until I got more support in adulthood from my therapist (and I've cycled through a couple!), psychiatrist (I am thankful I found a good one - I've been seeing her for the past 3 years or so), medical team (I have chronic health issues but assembling a good group of docs has been a challenge), my community (asking and receiving help is really important, I'm finding out), my NEURODIVERGENT community (it's been immensely helpful/validating to be vulnerable and to LISTEN to other people who have a wide range of neurotypes to observe how they do things or what they enjoy), spirituality practice (which is something I've been in and out of my whole life (was very atheist for a long time) but now I'm reclaiming this on my own terms), etc.

I'm glad that you have things you're really good at and also things you enjoy!!!

I think many schedules or even constructs of how to be human… can be really restricting because they're often not customized to your needs and abilities.

However, figuring out what your needs and abilities are (especially since they're dynamic) is NOT TRIVIAL.

and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to.

I'm happy you found a group and a set of beliefs that help you lead your life. Interpersonal relations within a community can be hard, especially if they do not understand or empathize with your needs.

I have often felt pressured by previous friends and family members into doing stuff… and then guilted/shamed about it if I couldn't do it or didn't want to. I think it is important to stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself in ANY SETTING… even if it disappoints others. Even if you're in the wrong. At least you're speaking up. (But I get that that's really draining, too... and sometimes not possible. I have often been non-verbal or didn't even know how to express what I was feeling)

I used to not stand up for myself because I assumed (or had a very unfair assumption) that people should just know! But people didn't know how to interact with me. And I think this is maybe autism because I felt like I was supposed to "know" unsaid rules of society for other people. I spent so much emotional energy trying to "intuit" what other people wanted… and didn't even realize how drained I was getting, how much I was masking who I was, or even who I was.

If things you can't or won't do disappoint a person or a group of people, then that could be a starting point for y'all (or even that person) to figure out why that's bothering them. A discussion needs to be had and reflections need to be made. If there is consistent harm or abuse that's being done (which I'm not saying there is, in this case, necessarily), then you may need to set some boundaries.

I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what that's like. Long-term illness or chronic illness can be so isolating. And some people don't even know what to do to support.

Have you told your friends or community ways you'd like them to reach out to you when you're sick/sad/alone? It may help to say "Could you message/call me if you haven't heard from me this week?"

and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’

Yeah that's highly inappropriate and ableist TO BE QUITE HONEST.

I feel like that's why we have to advocate and push back a little. Not a lot of people know enough about neurodivergence or disability needs. Or even human needs. I hate that the onus of that education and advocacy falls on us (the ones who need the help or support!)… :(

And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes

I want to validate your shock and disappointment and hurt. That is a valid response to what you've been through.

You can rant and vent!! I do it on my blog and to my friends/partners a lot - but I'm trying to also be mindful of how much bandwidth they have for it too (my friends/partners are not my therapist or anything - and that's such an important line). Emotional expression is a really good way to help us regulate, in my opinion.

And your autism and neurodivergence is valid too. The way they can cope with "Thing X" is JUST AS VALID as you not being able to cope with "Thing X." I understand that a lot of people don't get that.

Final thoughts: Feel free to vent either to me or trusted friends/supports. I may not always be able to respond in a timely manner, but I'll try to let you know.

You shouldn't have to repeatedly assert your boundaries and needs in environments where you're supposed to have human connection and bond. That's not fair to you.

[mosviqu]

lmao yeahhh at least the self awareness is there it's something iguess😭

i just hope i will grow to like them one day cuz i dont want to let go of the 03liners💔 their choreography and fits were great but i just hope they will get better songs next time or sumn (sorry if there are any boynextdoor fans who are reading this) DUDE SAME I WAS SO HAPPY ABOUT HIM!!!! (jiung is amazingggg) AHHH IM SO EXCITED AS WELL this is probably going to be my fav ep from them judging by the previews or whatever they are called🤭 IM GLAD SUNOO IS APART OF OUR CREW😌JUST A GREAT ADDITION REALLY!! (ooo at least the number of 03liners that i know about is growing xd)

THEY SHOULD JUST HIRE U THEN ACTUALLY LMAO U WOULD BE THE BEST PROTECTOR!!! and now i know that i definitely do not want u to get mad at me🥸

so true but i think writing might be like that as well because before i sent u that ask i literally just didn't really write in english at all😟 IM GLAD U UNDERSTAND ME🥳 ohh god i'm sorry but that's kind of a funny story ur poor roommate😭 I HOPE U GUYS STILL HAVE THEM JUST TO WATCH THEM BACK AND LAUGH (or cringe)

the tiktok algorithm just knows how to get people hooked onto something:o AND YESSS HE IS SO ADORABLE!! i only know them as well in addition with yujin(youngest) and gyuvin(my beloved) but the poor three left just feels like i will never get them😭😭 2hours is just too long of a time istg

IM GLAD U LIKED SOME BUT I THINK I DID VERY BAD WITH THE RECOMMENDATIONS LMAO

(ajhdhdjfj dude when i read ur authors note i also almost cried i started reading it on my bus ride home so i think people thought i was crazy or sumn lmao) and also i can't remember wether i have replied to ur last reply on ur main or did i only reply to it in my head so if u would let me know i would appreciate it.-. (liebestraum anon💕💕)

no bc its so unfortunate i truly hope the next comeback is better 😭😭😭 im sorry boynextdoor fans it just wasnt for me sadly 😔 if the music is good we are more than happy to recruit new 03 line besties to the squad tho!!

THE CB LOOKS SO GOOD i keep hearing the song on tiktok and each time i think its out already and i go check it out and its not. this could be very well prevented if i just checked the cb date but im honestly too lazy so ill just wait for it to appear in my spotify notifs or something 😭😭

I AM THE BEST PROTECTOR its the aries rage and loyality ❤ also being the only daughter of the family helps SSHSJ. also dont worry i usually dont get violently mad at my friends i usually just turn petty on them so. no fights here dw dw AHAHA

no bc if i didnt have tumblr i just wouldnt use english much either LMAO also i feel like that every time i write a fic after a long time i feel like i turn rusty and i just cant get anything out of me 😭😭 takes me a few mins to adapt truly. also i would say poor my roommate but honestly she didnt know what major to pick so she copied me so thats on her 🤷‍♀️ (jk im glad we stuck together ive known her for 4 years now and if it wasnt for her i would be handling uni much worse than i am). ALSO WE DO HAVE MOST OF THEM but some got deleted 😔💔

LITERALLY the tiktok algorithm is my bestie but also my biggest enemy (have i mentioned that i got into wilbur through tiktok. :,)) but yes hanbin is the new love of my life thankyou. i am so excited for their debut TT lets hope i learn their names quickly AHAHA

YOU DIDNT DO BADLY W THE RECOMMENDATIONS I JUST NEED TO BE IN A SPECIFIC MOOD FOR NEW SONGS I GUESS 😭😭 i'll update u on all my next progress w the tbz listening party <3

:(((( crying is strictly prohibited with matters thay include me. /j ((also if u mean on rrxnjun,, i replied to your ask after u sent this one ?? Im not really sure ??? but as of now i have no more asks from u!)

[tomdutch]

I’m in a 4 year relationship and I just wanna say it’s normal to all of those people who feel a lil sad rn. When you like a celebrity and follow their life OF COURSE it may hurt when you see them romantically linked to someone - especially someone who they’ve had dating tumours with and have denied for a long time. It’s okay to recognise your sadness.

For me, I have OCD. My mum died on Monday from cancer but since her diagnosis I’ve had my own little happy world where Tom’s with me that I escape to to cope. I take it really hard when something like this shatters my happy little world in my head, especially because that’s where I go to escape reality.

To me, it does all seem a little odd. Yes, they could finally be giving themselves a go and couldn’t be bothered to hide it but the faces they pulled in that one pic? Or the video where they kiss and then pull away and then it just feels a bit…weird? Staged? Idk, it could just be me trying to make myself feel better but if it is a stunt then I feel so bad for them. If it’s real then I’m trying to be happy for them obviously…Tom is linked romantically with one girl a year lately so I’m trying to make this easier for myself.

first of all, i am so, so, so terribly sorry abt your mother passing away. i cannot imagine how that must feel and i’m so sorry you have to go through that.

second of all, i also have ocd and it’s really tough for me to not obsess abt things that upset me. it’s taken a lot of my energy to step away and not let myself spiral. escapism is healthy to a degree, and in this post-capitalist hellscape we live in, people with mental illness issues indulge to get some happiness. it’s a way to cope and i would never judge anyone for this, so long as they are not endangering themselves and real life people. i’m sorry this has happened while you’ve been dealing with a tremendous loss and now you feel like you can’t properly find comfort.

regardless of how you might be feeling abt yourself, i want you to know that i’m proud of you and that i am wishing you the absolute best. you can always message me off anon for whatever you need. ocd is such a stigmatized illness and i know from experience the judgement people hold against us. i wish you all the best and i truly hope things get easier for you soon. again, feel free to send me an ask whenever abt anything you want <3

[gemsiiie]

cool clouds driving back from vidcon :D

gonna rant about my experience with my first day at vidcon and my first con ever under the cut now!!!

SO! it was actually so much fun!

- i was actually shaking while meeting phil, it was insane, i actually had the courage to ask to hug him and in the photo you can just see my pure JOY (i didnt post it lmao, just imagine it 💀)

- i also actually got to tell phil that his content got me through quarantine and how much i love it, so that’s a WIN FOR THE GEMSIIIE COMMUNITY!!

- and i got kristin’s signature!!! literally amazing ahhhhh

- also philza is so nice like i only talked to him for about 3 seconds but he’s amazing

- btw in line i tried to compliment every person i could who was in cosplay but i was SO NERVOUS 😭😭😭 so if you saw the awkward looking guy with a yellow flower button up looking at you in cosplay just know that i was trying to telepathically tell you how much i loved your outfit

- OK moving on from the meet n greet, the dsmp panel was so epic, it was genuinely amazing to see all those people who were just like me and enjoyed these silly minecraft peoples content

- it honestly made me emotional at some points, these are the people who got me through the last 2 years, and now i get to be around all of them

- ALSO NO TROLL QUESTIONS!!! BIG WIN!!! i was so nervous that someone was just gonna say something stupid and the ccs were gonna get upset

- but no!! it was all good! and very informative actually. besides the slight death threats from tommy to someone mentioning jump in the cadillac and wilbur absolutely DECIMATING the ghostbur fans.

- also like SORTA unfair that the majority of people being picked were cosplayers 😐 /j

- just a side note: why was everyone there so hot. am i just pansexual or was every mcyt fan actually so attractive. ESPECIALLY COOL COSPLAYERS YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL AND HOT AND I LOVE YOU ❤️❤️❤️

- i also had to drag my friend along and i feel so bad she was just playing word search on her phone the whole time 😭😭 but we went to a panel she liked after so it’s fine

- ok everything else now

- tubnet merch tubnet merch tubnet merch

- so happy i got tubnet merch god bless

- also tubbos dad was running one of the stand there????? that was weird but awesome- go dad ig

- OMG YEAH I MET PURPLED AND TOOK A PHOTO WITH HIM??? that was insane- i felt so bad too like he was about to go into an elevator and i was just like “EXCUSEMECOULDIQUICKLYGETAPHOTOIMSOSORRY-” and he did and i’m so happy

- also like idk how but youtubers/streamers always have like the perfect photo face, yknow? like it was such a quick photo but he was so photogenic??? like???? cool quirk that comes with streaming ig-

- i got a hat, two lanyards (i have two pass things), stickers, and a pin!! gonna put some on my laptop i think

- i also visited the discord stand thing (i forgot what they’re called shut up-) and got a shit ton of stickers and two pins :)

the whole experience was so fun though, i loved everything, thank you to everyone there for making it an awesome time, you are THE best <3