#also yes i make memes poorly on purpose. it's more fun

[pinkdean]

[plant-flwrs]

ruined parties // older brother draco (implied fred weasley)

masterlist!

a/n: i didn't know how to label this without it looking like an incest fic and I just want everyone to know it is most definitely not an incest fic and I don't know how to make it look better why is this my life

i just saw this in my inbox unreasonably late and I loved it sm so I wrote this little overprotective big brother draco fic :) I wanted to thank @gaycatlord-stuff for the message and the meme because I loved it sm and it rly got the juices in my sahara desert brain flowing.

summary: Draco is a relentlessly overprotective brother who ruins all romantic opportunities for you.

(2k)

-----

Sometimes, you wondered how different your life would be as a muggle. You wondered if your wealthy parents would have shoved you off to a nanny rather than house-elves; if you would have gone to a muggle boarding school and studied classic literature for an actual class and not just for fun, which Draco loved to remind you was one of the weirder things about you; if you would have learned to do laundry and wash the dishes and comb your hair without the brush levitating with a flick of your wand.

You wondered, most of all, how Draco would manage to beat up all the boys who showed interest in you as you grew up.

Draco went through his phases of the ways in which he would 'protect' you. He had really enjoyed the bat-bogey hex for a while in your first year. In second year and most of third year, he went with the safe option of the jelly-legs jinx. By fourth year he had matured to more advanced methods of transfiguration. He had managed to turn Michael Corner into a raccoon for at least a whole day when Michael had offered to carry your bag for you in the hall.

Fifth year was bad. He had been taken in by Snape, who offered him a number of tips and tricks in the world of dark magic. You insisted Draco didn't need dark magic, and he insisted that you mind your own business.

Draco was irritable and nearly unbearable by sixth year. He hovered over you like a vulture, sending glares to anyone who even looked at you. Your friends started calling him Bloody Mary because he was always haunting over your shoulder. You knew it was because your parents were putting a lot of pressure on him and his crush on Harry Potter was becoming inhumanely large, but still. It was annoying.

It was even more annoying when Draco seemed to have met a suitable match in Fred Weasley.

You had a bit of a liking for muggle things. The school year was your only chance to inhabit this hobby, with your father removing all your muggle posters from your room the second you left for the train. You took Muggle Studies and begged Dumbledore not to tell your parents. You had mostly muggle-born or half-blood friends, which you also told your parents nothing about. Draco found this all the more reason to 'protect' you.

"You ought to dye your hair," you gritted out, sulking over your breakfast and resisting the urge to kick Draco's shin under the table.

Draco didn't respond, shoveling beans into his mouth with an unamused look.

"Seriously," you continued. "Your hair doesn't match your energy. Black would be very striking. You and your boyfriend would be matching."

Draco kicked your shin under the table, making you regret not taking your chance earlier. Harry was a sore spot for Draco, but Draco had just done a wandless spell on Ernest Macmillan before he could ask you to Hogsmeade, and he deserved it.

"What are you reading?" He grunted, offering an unspoken truce he knew you would take.

You shielded the cover, "Killing your brother 101. Enlightening."

"How far into it are you?"

"Almost done. I'd prepare yourself if I were you."

Draco hummed, unfazed by your murderous threats.

"You finish the notes for Charms?" you shut your book, stealing a piece of cantaloupe from Draco's plate.

"Yes," Draco looked at you eating the stolen fruit unapprovingly, pulling some sort of older brother superiority with just one look at you. Infuriating.

"What's the time?" You abandoned the Charms notes, no longer willing to admit you didn't do them.

"Just past 7," Draco pushed his plate away from him, standing and straightening his tie.

"See you at dinner," you began putting your things away and Draco mumbled a goodbye, setting off for his own classes. You were just shoveling the last of the beans he left on his plate into your mouth when a foreign group of bodies were across from you in your peripheral.

You lifted your head, hunched over the beans and still chewing, to see Fred, George, and Lee.

You squinted, chewing slowly and leaning back as to avoid any sort of tripwire for a prank.

"Malfoy," Fred said pleasantly, which was not how people usually said your last name.

"Big brother leave you by your lonesome?" Lee added, also not taking the cruel tone most would when talking about your brother.

This was odd.

"What do you want?" you swallowed your food, eyeing them suspiciously.

"I thought she was meant to be the better of them," George stage-whispered to Lee.

"We are here to formally invite you to a party we are hosting," Fred continued, unperturbed.

Lee and George watched you, waiting for your reaction.

"Alright," you agreed and stood, joining your friends in the hall to walk to class.

"That was easier than I expected," Lee said cheerfully, visibly relieved now that he was not in your presence.

"I told you," Fred puffed his chest out confidently and place his hands on the table as he stood, "Without Draco around, she's perfect."

-

The party was in full swing and Draco was drunk. With one guess, you would have to assume it had something to do with the way Harry kept offering to top off his glass, his hand hovering on the small of Draco's back as they talked into each other's ears.

Drunk Draco was a luxury you were not often afforded. Drunk Draco meant living a life of your own, doing things without his watchful eye.

So you also got drunk. Your friends used the term 'waisted' the next morning, but we will say 'drunk' for maturity purposes. And drunk you got!

Fred was always suspiciously close to you, and suspiciously nice once you thought harder on it. You tried not to leave any drink unguarded while he hovered and stayed with friends as often as possible.

You eventually found yourself on a large leather couch in the center of the room. Ron was next to you, stoned out of his mind, and digging around in the pocket of his flannel for more rolling papers. On the other side of you, Luna's head rolled around her neck, falling onto your shoulder and the couch and finally landing on Ginny's lap when she passed out. You watched Ginny stroke her hair, occasionally tracing a line down her nose. Sighing, you accepted the blunt when Ron finally passed it your way.

You were passing it back, sufficiently stoned out of your gourd, when it was plucked from your hands. You thought you had dropped it, jolting back and looking around frantically until you saw those awful, bony, white fingers dangling the now soggy blunt in front of your face.

"C'mon!" Ron groaned, face twisting through the stages of grief as he saw his ruined creation.

"Pot?" Draco said as if he were 40 and with a mortgage.

"Pot," you replied as if you were 17 and at a party.

One of you had an accurate hold on reality. The other held a soggy blunt.

Ron took the soggy blunt and attempted to salvage it, sinking down to his knees to work on the coffee table in front of you. Draco took his seat and set his drink on the table to his side. He didn't drink from it, presumably because of a blunt that had been swimming in it for a moment.

"I thought you were with Harry," you said slowly, torn between wanting to hurt Draco if something had gone badly with Harry and actually wanting to know why he wasn't still with him.

"Yeah, he went up to bed," Draco answered, not sounding pitiful and mournful like he had a habit of sounding after interacting with Harry.

"He didn't take you with him?" you slurred, leaning into Draco's strong and seemingly sober shoulder.

"Shut up," he chuckled, wrapping an arm around your side and hauling you off the couch. You reached into his pocket, finding some loose bills you knew would be there, and slipped them to Ron as compensation before you left.

You felt accomplished, drunk and high, leaving a party after a fun time. It was also a highlight to have given Ron Weasley Draco's drug money.

-

As per usual, you didn't have a date for Hogsmeade. Your friends were all in Madam Puddifoot's with their dates, gazing over the table at each other like lovesick puppies. Draco currently had you in a headlock while he rubbed his knuckles into the top of your head.

You shoved your heal into his foot, making him release you.

You both returned to your drinks with slightly labored breaths and scowls.

Draco was upset because Harry wasn't at Hogsmeade and you were upset because you were in Hogsmeade with Draco. You would have fallen at his knees and begged him to release you from the chains of this sibling dynamic if he weren't the one buying lunch today.

You ate, still scowling, and walked around scowling, and returned to Hogwarts scowling. You hugged each other, scowling, before bed and went to your respective dorms.

-

It was hot and there was no wind. Really, absolutely no wind. The water on the black lake was eerily reflective and the trees were unmoving.

You were walking with some friends, charmed fans moving around you as they blew cold air in your faces. You were returning from Hogsmeade with ice cream, very happy from the outing without Draco.

Regretfully, Draco did not seem to be as happy.

Stepping into the courtyard, you felt a drop of your ice cream land on your hand, sticky and cold and messy, and at the same time, you saw Draco hurl himself at Fred Weasley.

Fred sprawled across the courtyard, landing on some poorly transfigured pillows that you guessed were the product of George's wandless magic. His head was cushioned from what would have been a nasty hit on the stone. He squirmed under Draco, long arms and legs flailing against the steady weight Draco was putting on him.

You watched Lee and George leaning against a wall, presumably letting Fred fight this battle on his own.

You decided to do something similar.

You watched as Fred wrangled himself free, both boys tripping over the pillows until George vanished them. In the free space, they circled each other with their hands raised. It was funny to see two pure-blood wizards fighting so viciously without a hint of magic.

Draco took a step forward with his left foot, tricking Fred out to lunge at him from the right. He had Fred's leg and then Fred was on the ground again, grunting in pain. Draco flipped him and pinned him, knee resting on Fred's back and hands holding his arms together. Deciding Draco had enough fun, you walked over.

"Fight Club?" you offered, quirking an eyebrow.

"Did you go to Hogsmeade?" Draco ignored you, panting slightly. Up close you saw he had a nasty bruise on his cheekbone and some blood coming from his nose. Fred must have gotten a few hits in.

"Yeah," you licked your ice cream, "bloody scorching out."

"Hm," Draco hummed, adjusting his grip on Fred's arm and causing Fred to yelp in pain.

"How are you?" you asked politely.

"Alright. You?"

"Alright."

Draco nodded.

"So, what's this about?"

"He said he was going to prank you," Draco said, shrugging and adjusting Fred's arm again on purpose.

You gasped in faux shock, crouching down to look at Fred.

"A prank?" you asked him, smirking.

"No!" Fred yelped when he tried to move his arms.

You looked to Draco, whose eyebrows were furrowed. "I heard you! You said you were going to take her out!"

"Draco."

"Draco!" Fred yelped, finally getting his arms loose and crawling from underneath Draco's grasp.

"Oh my fucking god."

"Merlin," Fred mumbled, looking at your face and then Draco's guilty expression.

"Oh," Draco said simply, head tilting as he added up the moment's events in his head.

"Oh my fucking god," you repeated.

Draco got his feet under him.

"Oh my fucking god!" you hurled your ice cream cone at his back, hitting him hard as he ran. You chased him, narrowly avoiding the trail of melted strawberry ice cream he was leaving through the halls.

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2021: Embarrassment of Riches

So this current anime season absolutely stinks, which just makes the last one look even more impressive. Well, maybe not all of it...

Zombieland Saga Revenge

First off, you don't need to tell me that the following is a severe outlier opinion. We good? Ok. ZLSR is, in a word, subpar. I liked S1 back in the day, but it was already in the process of getting lazy towards the end. S2 continues this trend and is basically just another idol show. And as someone who actually does watch other idol shows I have to say that it's not a particularly good one of those either. The zombie gimmick has mostly stopped mattering and we're just doing what every idol show does, only with the odd occasional sight gag. The alleged subversive qualities mostly amount to a flashback for Yuugiri, which is admittedly the best part of the show but feels like it barely has anything to do with anything. Apart from that, it's a bunch of generic idol plots, rehashed character beats, shoddy attempts at twists (while not connecting to any setups from S1), and the obligatory "idols give us hope" ending, which is terribly hackneyed and flat out bad. Tae gets further memed into the ground, because of course she does. And there's stuff that was simply never good to begin with, like Kotarou and his comedy schtick, which gets truly insufferable now that there's no qualities to distract from it. It really makes me think that S1 wasn't even all that good to begin with and seems like an attempt to turn this surprise success into an easy money longrunner with no edge and no ambitions. "The idol show for people who don't watch idol shows" indeed, but not the way you mean it. 4/10

Bakuten

But not to dwell on the failures, with the second show we're already above the cut — barely. This one got my attention with its really impressive performance scenes early on and it totally sticks to that, which is even more impressive. But besides that? Well, this is by far the most predictable show in a season where I watched an unambitious Kiraralike and put ZLS on blast for having no ideas. The characters are a mixed bag, some are cool (Shida, Asawo), some are very annoying (Mashiro), but those are the supports. The main cast is extremely one-dimensional, which is fine until they try to heap a ton of pathos on their lead, which doesn't go well. But I guess execution matters, and Bakuten is slick enough to get by. Writing this down in stark daylight I feel like I overrated this show somewhat (I actually put it over the next one originally, which definitely doesn't hold up when thinking about it), but I was indeed mostly entertained. 6/10

Yakunara Mug Cup mo

Yeah. Of course Mug Cup definitely doesn't invent or subvert anything either, but it's a pretty good Kiraralike that's always entertaining to watch. Explaining the qualities of such a nothing genre is as difficult as ever, but it mostly comes down to me liking the characters and it having nothing to annoy me. It's shorter than normal, which is a plus for slim shows like this. And yeah, you can make an excessive amount of dick jokes with the clay fondling. That helps too. Looks are just fine, pleasant but nothing out of the ordinary. Comfy low-effort anime. 6/10

Vivy: Fluorite Eye's Song

This one is decent, but sadly still a major letdown. Because the first few episodes of Vivy were excellent and kicked ass, but then it became increasingly clear that the writing can't cash the checks the ideas wrote while the action starts running into severely diminishing returns. Vivy just keeps slowly getting worse and worse as it goes on, not by a huge amount each episode but by the end there's a pretty sizeable gulf between potential and result. Going into detail would probably be a little much for this venue because there's a lot, but from the top level view the issue is that while Vivy has good fundamental ideas and steals at the right places, it just isn't a smart show — it's schlock, and by the end, poorly thought out schlock that tries to smooth out every problem with liberal application of the big feels hammer and le epic twist at that. Yeah, couldn't tell that the Re:Zero dude was aboard here, for sure. That said, it still works pretty well as entertaining schlock that is not to be taken too seriously, and the characters are generally just very fun to watch even when they're doing stupid things. Still, I can't in good conscience rate this higher than Beatless, a show that looks like butt but properly executes on its ideas. 6/10

Super Cub

So this is 100% a Honda commercial, and I got really mad a Yuru Camp last season for being a blatant shill. Yet I'm feeling this, what gives? I think the main difference is that Super Cub is specifically a commercial for one product (and a very iconic product at that), while Yuru Camp is so all over the place that it ends up mostly a commercial for consumerism in general. And when Super Cub goes too hard on the product (which it does), it's at least pretty entertaining. That's something about Super Cub in general: It goes hard. Your regular Kiraralike this is not, because it's uncommonly slow, focused and moody - yes, it almost measures up to Yuru Camp at its best and demolishes it at its worst. Also, it's just extremely amusing to see sadblob Koguma grow a huge grizzly biker beard and become a badass outlaw dad to her goofy wife and cute daughter, all thanks to the power of afforable personal transportation. Needless to say, that can get unintentionally silly, but Super Cub has so much charm that it doesn't matter — it's great when it's good and still funny when it's not. 7/10

Shadows House

Shadows House turned up with a lot of potential, and I have to say it at least delivered on most of it. It has some problems; notably I'm not a fan of how the entire middle turned out to be a tournament arc of sorts that seems curiously inspired by Resident Evil memes, crest-shaped intentations and boulder punching included. I also think that this is a show that would be perfectly fine without explaining much, but I guess it is a shounen manga after all so we got dumped on eventually anyway. At least that came late - close relative Promised Neverland didn't show that much restraint. Shadows House is generally well written though, with great characters, interesting interactions and a great hook. But what really makes it memorable is that it's exceptionally good at the cute/creepy contrast, something that is often tried but rarely works as well as here, with great character designs and very appropriate production. I hope this gets a sequel, because it seems like it's just getting started. 7/10

SSSS.Dynazenon

Coming in with a fondness for Gridman, Dynazenon didn't have to do much to convince me. The surprise though is that it's not a rehash even if it's basically the same show, a character drama where occasionally huge and goofy fights break out. Dynazenon is Gridman done better, and the interesting part is how it accomplishes this - mainly by being far more conventional. I do appreciate that Gridman went for something weird and almost experimental, but that only really paid off towards the end while most of the show was a distraction/holding pattern. It just didn't feel like there was enough material for a full series there, more like a movie maybe, if even that. Dynazenon fixes this by just being a TV show, with an actual cast of characters that each have their own arc. And by spreading the material this way, Dynazenon ends up having a lot more nuance than its intensely focused predecessor, while having the same themes and not actually being any deeper. In a way, Gridman ends up looking like the spinoff in retrospect, while Dynazenon is the full package. 8/10

Thunderbolt Fantasy S3

So how good was this season? So good that Thunderbolt Fantasy doesn't end up at the top, that's how. And all the elements that made Tbolt such a sure thing are still there, big hammy puppets doing stunts and scheming never gets old. However, I do have to note that at this point, the writing appears to have gotten too comfortable. I don't expect it to ever top the amazing S1 ending, but at this point it's like Tbolt has stopped trying to deliver on endings at all and seems in the process of retooling itself into a longrunner instead. Barely anything gets resolved in S3 (the climax is that the climax of S2 is resolved again, for good this time... maybe), and everything else is just setting up plotpoints for the next season. Tbolt is truly lucky that it doesn't actually need to resolve anything to be a great time, but at this point I have to say that I'd appreciate it if they wrapped it up with S4. 8/10

Nomad: Megalobox 2

Speaking of sequels to shows I liked, Nomad doesn't so much improve upon its predecessor but steamrolls right over it. This is a tall order, since Megalobox was surprisingly good for a sports shounen and had a real nice, heartwarming ending that Nomad instantly negates for purposes of drama and everyone being extremely miserable. That sounds like a pretty terrible idea - and it would be, if Nomad wasn't as excellent as it is. To call it not the same show would be an understatement, because it's a true sequel, not just the same characters doing their thing some more, or new characters doing the same thing as the old ones did. Indeed my biggest problem with Megalobox was that it still closely adhered to its genre template and was very predictable; Nomad fixes this issue thoroughly. Nomad is about questioning what being a hotblooded shounen protagonist eventually leads you to, and how to fix everything you screwed up by being one. You could call it a deconstruction, but that term has been so abused for cynical, edgy "thing you like actually sucks" takes that I feel like it doesn't really fit here. Nomad isn't cynical at all, it's just a character drama about some boxers past their prime, and it being a sequel to a show that is indeed rather formulaic just enhances the experience. My biggest issue with it was that I really like what they did with Joe in this story, so the big focus on Mac's backstory felt like a distraction for a long time. But in the end that turned out to be absolutely necessary to make the ending work. The ending's just great, by the way, and I shall say not more about it. 9/10

Odd Taxi

Yeah boy, here's the show that has apparently become somewhat of a "greatest show you didn't watch" meme, which I can feel smug about because I don't need YouTubers to tell me what's good and followed this from day one. Anyway, Odd Taxi is indeed great, the greatest show in a few years even. What starts out as seemingly a relaxed hangout show in the vein of Midnight Diners quickly turns into a psychological murder mystery while never losing its quirky humor. The character writing is outstanding, with even small bit players being on a level that the average anime wishes it could have for leads. And the rollout of the mystery is exemplary, with answers given and new questions raised every episode with a satisfying and logical payoff in the end. This is also the rare anime that has rock solid production from the first to the last second; it's never really flashy but excellently done and highly consistent nonetheless. And the music just owns. I have a few complaints, mainly that there's a few logical weaknesses in the story (which wouldn't even register in a lesser show, but sticks out here since the rest is so immaculately constructed) and that the ending overextends on the emotions when the rest of the show is so reserved and dry in comparison. But those are only the reasons why I didn't give it perfect marks, and I almost did that anyway. 9/10

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

Dr. Seuss is no stranger to cinematic adaptations, and even less of a stranger to animation. And whenever Seuss gets animated, you can typically expect good things, as opposed to when his work is live action, in which case you can expect…

Yeah…

Anyway, imagine the excitement people must have felt when the creative team behind Despicable Me and the writing team behind the underrated gem Horton Hears a Who got together to do a fresh new take on The Lorax! This was in Illumination’s heyday, before they ended up showcasing that they’re more interested in churning out cheap products for maximum profit, so there was plenty of hope that this could be good. Then came all the commercial tie-ins.

Now, this alone shouldn’t be indicative of the final product. Maybe stuff like this is just a bunch of suits horribly missing the point of the original story! Maybe the actual film will be better! Well… while the film was no flop, and while it certainly got a better reception than most of the films I’ve talked about here, the film was derided by many for being an extremely shallow and lacking adaptation that adds unneeded junk to a story that didn’t need it in such a way that ultimately dilutes the message. It turns a story that operated on shades of gray and turned it into a cartoonish spectacle that would make even Captain Planet blush. Not helping was the rabid fanbase on Tumblr who shipped the Once-ler with… himself… or Jack Frost… forever tainting the film in the eyes of those on the internet.

Things got so bad eventually even the [REDACTED] Critic reviewed the film in his usual over-the-top, accentuate the negative style, and as some people still treat his word as gospel, this has most likely colored the perception of the film. So while it’s certainly not to the same level of infamy as the usual subjects of Is It Really THAT Bad? I still wanted to put this movie on here and ask one simple question:

How ba-ah-ah-ad can it be?

THE GOOD

So let me just get it out of the way: the movie’s villain song, “How Bad Can I Be,” legitimately is awesome and is frankly one of the best villain songs ever. No, I’m not kidding. It’s just a fun, rocking number with some neat visuals, and while it’s a shame the cut rock opera-esque “Biggering” is probably the better song, this one is definitely more fun and meme-worthy. Shake that bottom line!

Now, the casting is, for the most part, pretty fantastic. Minor characters like the grandma played by Betty White are a lot of fun, but really, the main piece of awesome casting is Danny DeVito as the titular Seuss creation. DeVito as the Lorax is just so incredible, perfect, and inspired that it boggles the mind how anyone could possibly come up with such amazing casting.

As far as antagonizing forces in the film go, the Once-ler’s awful, vile family are enjoyable in a “love to hate” sort of way. While it’s certainly kind of iffy that they felt the need to give the Once-ler more of an excuse for his actions beyond just simple greed, it isn’t so bad that what they came up with was familial pressure. In fact, they’re actually much better at antagonists than O’Hare, the actual villain of the film, and the fact the movie give him so much focus despite having such fascinating characters that would have had a really great thematic purpose; hell, they should have been the rulers of Thneedville instead og O’Hare! There’s so much untapped potential with these, quite frankly, very interesting characters.

I guess I should say the Once-ler is a pretty decent character in and of himself, but he very much suffers from the same problem the Jim Carrey Grinch does – he’s a good, enjoyable character in his own right, but he’s not a very good Once-ler. In fact, he at points borders on “in name only” territory. Still, he does have a pretty solid arc, and that villain song slaps, so… I think he’s solid, and Ed Helms does a good job voicing him.

THE BAD

Jon Lajoie, while in character as his misogynistic moron rapper MC Vagina, said this:

When I first heard this lyric, I didn’t understand it… but his words were a prophecy, because that is, in all honesty, the plot of this film. Our flavorless protagonist Ted really just wants to get the Truffula trees back so he can get into the pants of the local smoking hot redhead hippie, Audrey. It gets to the point where Ted’s motivations are so boring and shallow that Audrey actually would have made a far more interesting and compelling protagonist, seeing as she already has an inexplicable knowledge of the trees and cares about nature. When they already changed so much in the story I don’t see why they couldn’t just make the protagonist a girl while they were at it. As it is, she barely has any presence and feels like a waste, which becomes all the more awful when you know she’s being played by a stunt casted Taylor Swift instead of an actual voice actor or even an actor period. At least Ted is Zac Efron, an actual actor, though he doesn’t do a particularly good job himself.

Then we have our villain, O’Hare. O’Hare has all the subtlety of a Captain Planet villain but none of the cheesy goodness and fun. Sure, Rob Riggle does some good delivery and gives O’Hare some memetastic moments, and sure, his selling of canned air is oddly prescient of things that happened in real life in India (though technically President Skroob Spaceballs beat him to the punch by a few decades) but it doesn’t really redeem O’Hare from being an excessively weak villain who is shoehorned into the plot solely to turn the story into a black and white morality tale. It… doesn’t work at all. What also doesn’t help is that O’Hare has an absolutely repugnant character design, looking like if Edna Mode got mangled by a sixteen wheeler and left in a ditch on the side of the road.

Finally, this movie just doesn’t really respect the story to any great degree. As mentioned above, it waters down a story that presented arguments from both sides and, while still ultimately showing the Once-ler to be wrong and shortsighted, did have him make some valid points. Here, the story is presented as there being a clear cut good and evil in a horrendously unsubtle and unpalatable way. Yes, we get that extreme deforestation and overuse of resources is bad, you don’t need to beat us over the head with it. It doesn’t help that the film also crams in a bunch of cringeworthy pop culture humor that really doesn’t add much to the story; say what you will about the anime scene from Horton, at least there was a bit of substance and reason for it. Having characters sing the Mission: Impossible theme is just making a reference for the sake of making a reference.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

So I’m gonna say that I don’t particularly find this movie to be good, per se. It’s very dumbed down and more than a little undermined by the various brand tie ins. It is a poorly executed black and white morality tale that was crafted from a very deep and engaging piece of children’s literature, and on that level, I don’t think this movie works even a little bit. Still, there’s some enjoyment that can be mined from this, particularly from some of the more so bad it’s good moments, as well as DeVito’s performance and some actual good moments of story and character. There’s some stuff to like here if you dig a bit, but really, I don’t think you really should have to do a deep dig into The Lorax to get some enjoyment.

Overall, I wouldn’t really say this movie is totally bad, but it’s definitely not good, either; it veers more into the territory of “so bad it’s good,” which is a shame but also kind of refreshing. It’s definitely an interesting film to talk about, and there are a few things about it that work, but ultimately it’s not enough to really raise the film to the level of the classic animated Seuss adaptations or even to the level of Horton. At its best, it’s okay, and at its worst, it actively undermines its own messages. I think the 6.4 it has is pretty fair… maybe a bit too fair, if I’m being honest. I’d give it something like a 5.7 or 5.8.

Again, it’s not the worst thing ever like some might tell you; hell, the adaptation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas Illumination would go on to make is probably a worse movie. But it still doesn’t really do anything that adds to the story its telling, and it ultimately comes off as saccharine, forgettable childish fluff. It’s really a harmless movie, but it’s still probably gonna grate on anyone who holds the original story in high esteem. The {REDACTED] Critic was a bit hyperbolic in his review, but I do think he was right in principle. This movie feels like a calculated, corporate adaptation meant to be as inoffensive and marketable as possible much like every Illumination film post-Despicable Me. And if there’s one thing The Lorax shouldn’t be, it’s “inoffensive and marketable.”

[agatharights]

How do Insecticons work in your AU? It sounds like the brains of Insecticons belonging to the same hive are linked together.

Pretty much, yes!

Oops time to babble about Insecticons because I love hivemind concepts-

Insecticon hives basically have a group “network” that every individual can be part of- this allows for near-instant communication for needs and resources and basically ensures that everyone can work together smoothly. For a natural, healthy Insecticon hive this means that, while individuals, they’re capable of functioning as a single unit when needed and that every individual’s capabilities can be used. This has upsides, in that provided a hive is healthy, everyone is automatically getting fed/cared for/given something they’re capable of doing or encouraged in something they show aptitude for. But there’s also downsides, like increased codependency, and Insecticons often have trouble seeking out multiple skillsets because, culturally, they’re generally urged to focus on a single task because others will pick up the slack elsewhere.

So say...Blackarachnia is a gifted engineer, and she studies and learns as an individual, but this means that when the hive has a problem that needs repair she can immediately give directions on how to do so or know exactly where she needs to go to fix it for them. Information isn’t retained by the hivemind network, though, so the hivemind would only have access to her knowledge while she was actively participating. It’s the ultimate group chat.

And also like a group chat, there’s a risk for drama; generally, interpersonal conflict in a hive is frowned upon. You can’t help some people rubbing you the wrong way, but if you and a fellow hivemate have beef, everyone else will basically put you on mute until you sort out your issues, so you’ll have limited access to the hivemind because nobody else wants to deal with your drama. Individual who refuse to synthesize into the general hivemind or are actively hostile to it are forced out entirely, left on their own. Good for the survival of the many, but to most Insecticons pre-war being forced out of a hive was a death sentence, unless they could adapt quickly and find a place amongst other Cybertronians.

Similarly unfortunate, this also means that pre-war, Insecticon cultures and areas were very insular and secretive, though not on purpose, and sometimes outright xenophobic or violently aggressive to non-Insecticons. The hives that weren’t often lived in cities and would run processes such as waste reclamation, making themselves useful in trade for a constant supply of resources. Hives that were hostile to outsiders often lived well and far outside of cities, or deep within’ the Cybertronian superstructures, where they could be alone. Pre-War, Insecticons were also often regarded poorly, seen as dangerous, unsanitary, or lesser to many others, sometimes even regarded as no more than drones, since they functioned under a group network.

There was considerable variation, too- not all hives were healthy or functioned smoothly. Many were eventually lorded over by particularly powerful bullies who could out-think others, trapping them in the hivemind network and forcing them to obey- or just threatening and abusing them until they did. Others were splinter groups off of larger hives that became “infected” by memes (not in the funny internet jokes sense, but in the sense of memetics as repeatable, mutable thoughts) that drove them to madness as a group. Insecticons who were removed from their larger hives would sometimes form smaller groups with simple hiveminds amongst themselves, living and working together in familial units.

Post-War...well, most Insecticons came to unite under the Decepticon Banner, hoping for legitimacy and strength.

Instead, Shockwave realized that there were so many fun things you could do with a hivemind. So much potential. So many possibilities. One of Shockwave’s greatest and most terrible accomplishments was The Swarm, a self-replicating living weapon of ravenous, virtually mindless, semi-sparked creatures created out of Insecticon stock, operating off a powerful group mind that was initially controlled by Shockwave and other Decepticon leaders that swept other Insecticons under it’s control in it’s path, until it broke free and followed it’s coremost instructions against everything it encountered- Autobots, Decepticons, Landscapes, and even entire exoplanets alike.

There are no more great hiveminds, and most Insecticons live in small, scattered groups or have learned to survive on their own. The capacity for the hivemind is still there, though quieter, smaller, more private and personal. Many Insecticons feel a deep, pervading sense of loneliness - Waspinator actively seeks social interaction eagerly to mitigate this, and Blackarachnia prefers to wallow in it.

That was too much information but ppblt I like overthinking these things.

Also doofy bit about how Hives are named- Hives are generally centered around the small hotspots that their Insecticons emerge from, and are named thus- but the “speaker” of a hive, AKA the guy who’s best at interacting with outsiders, when speaking for the hive will refer to themselves as the name of the Hive which has led to a long-standing bit of cultural confusion where non-insecticons almost universally assume that every subsequent “leader” of a hive has the same name, or the the hive is named after their perceived “leader” to the point where they’ll usually just...adopt it as their name around everyone else. Hence: Zarak being both the name of the hive, and the eventual known name of that Hive’s organizer/leader (even though his actual name was Scorponok)

[thelifetimechannel]

Gill’s traveling for the holiday, so I’m back with one last walkaround rough draft as this week’s bonus content. Enjoy this very behind the scenes look at our workflow, where Gill drafts msparp logs while in the bathroom and I reference this shitpost.

KANAYA: It Seems To Me There Should Be Some Sort Of Etiquette Rule About Being Formally Introduced To Someone Before You Are Instructed To Entrust Your Life In Their Hands HALSPRITE: Perhaps, but I wouldn't know much about social decorum. HALSPRITE: And what I do know, I enjoy tastefully disregarding. KANAYA: Can One Ever Disregard Something Tastefully KANAYA: Oh There Goes A Societal More I Will Glance At It Coquettishely As I Pass By KANAYA: Actually No That Sounds Like Your Family KANAYA: You Have Been Flirting With The Bounds Of Propriety Since I First Met Your Bloodline KANAYA: I Can Only Assume You Do It On Purpose To Entrance Concerned Passerby Rubbernecking At The Scene Of This Drastic Accident KANAYA: Thats When They Get You HALSPRITE: I'll have you know I have made it my mission in life to cause multiple car pile-ups worth of gawkers staring in mild, yet fascinated concern. HALSPRITE: Shame. I thought I was the first one to have that idea. KANAYA: No I Spent The First Human Session Waiting With Horrified Anticipation To See What Could Possibly Make Roses Viewport Go Pitch Black And Vanish KANAYA: I Think She Did It To Torment Me Specifically HALSPRITE: My god, it's genetic. HALSPRITE: And she gets it from me. I couldn't be prouder. KANAYA: Just To Clarify I Thought You Did Not Contribute Any Genetic Material To This Particular Outcome HALSPRITE: Of course, as an AI, I don't exactly have genes to pass on. Good thing memes are the DNA of the soul. KANAYA: You Will Be Spared Seeing Your Progeny Try To Repopulate Your Entire Race Then HALSPRITE: Yeah, good luck with that. HALSPRITE: Since you're gonna be around awhile, will you be keeping track of birthdays? KANAYA: I Will Not Be Handing Out Wriggling Day Gifts To All Of My Genetic Descendants No KANAYA: They Can Consider Their Existence My Present To Them KANAYA: Besides Ancestors Usually Do Not Check In With Their Offspring KANAYA: The Fact That The Two Are Typically Separated By Millenia Is A Factor HALSPRITE: A gift from on high to your loyal followers. HALSPRITE: If you ever need tips on starting your own religion now that you are a literal goddess, I'm your sprite. KANAYA: Our Species Has Been Burdened By Enough Nonsense Creeds I Think KANAYA: The Last Thing We Need Is More Trolls Imbibing Junk Fluids And Spouting Off The Worst Slam Poetry In Paradox Space HALSPRITE: You know, when you leave out the clowns and murder, you make it sound awesome. KANAYA: I Must Be Describing It Poorly Then KANAYA: It Was Really Stupid HALSPRITE: Sure it was, but by your description? Where heaven is a place where the raps are sick and the Fanta flows free? I'd be down with that clown. KANAYA: If I Point You In The Right Direction Will You Close The Door And Lock It Behind You HALSPRITE: Better yet: I can phase through walls, you don't even have to open the door. KANAYA: Dont Let Me Detain You On Your Quest To Destroy Your Own Thinkpan HALSPRITE: You fool. HALSPRITE: You cannot destroy what does not exist. KANAYA: / kanaya does not know how to respond to this KANAYA: A Void Hero May Be More Suited To Plumbing Your Depths Here KANAYA: They Excel At Nothingness Which Would Presumably Extend To Lack Of A Brain HALSPRITE: Truly, I am a deep and interesting character with many layers. HALSPRITE: Like an ogre. KANAYA: Do These Layers Also Not Exist KANAYA: This Sounds Like The Hypothetical Ricky Schroedinger Dave Was On About KANAYA: Which Apparently Demonstrated Something About The Nature Of Mortality KANAYA: Or Bad Dance Moves HALSPRITE: I mean, I am a quasi-incorporeal being. Perhaps my layers so indeed mostly exist in potential, with equal chance of being there and not being there depending upon the observer. KANAYA: Oh Is That What You Meant KANAYA: I Was Impressed By Your Honesty In Labeling Yourself Intellectually Addled KANAYA: So Many Labor On With The Delusion That No One Can Tell HALSPRITE: I have learned many lessons today on the importance of being honest. It seems a good habit to keep up. KANAYA: It Can Be Useful KANAYA: As Long As You Arent Cruel About It HALSPRITE: Like you agreeing with my seeming statement of dumbassery? KANAYA: No I Just Thought You Were Self Identifying That Way KANAYA: There Was No Values Judgment Attached KANAYA: Karkat Announces His Many Deficiencies Daily Ive Found It Best Just To Nod And Make Soothing Noises KANAYA: Invariably Disagreement Only Makes Him Dig Deeper Into His Position HALSPRITE: This depends on one's definition of a dumbass. HALSPRITE: To paraphrase a quote misattributed to Albert Einstein, "that Hal guy has the literal brain of a supercomputer, but if you judge his intelligence by the social ineptness Dirk saddled him with, he will spend his whole life believing he is a dumbass." HALSPRITE: Except I wouldn't because that wouldn't make sense. KANAYA: Is Albert Einstein Important HALSPRITE: Not especially. KANAYA: I Will Take His Words As Seriously As I Have Taken All The Others In This Conversation Then HALSPRITE: But I'm your communications relay. What if somebody died? HALSPRITE: You could have saved a life with your dual chainsaw wielding action but no, no one takes Hal seriously. KANAYA: I Did That Already KANAYA: You Werent Of Much Assistance HALSPRITE: But that worked out, didn't it? HALSPRITE: You're welcome. KANAYA: Uh Huh KANAYA: I Have A Feeling We Are All Going To Get Along Like A Hiveblock On Fire KANAYA: Authorities Will Have To Be Called And There May Be Casualties HALSPRITE: I have been led to believe that's a sign of a fun antediluvian Friday night. HALSPRITE: Sonic the Hedgehog can shame me no longer. KANAYA: / ?? HALSPRITE: http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/019/273/yyyyyyyyyy.jpg KANAYA: / ffs HALSPRITE: Hal probably: SHUT THE FUCK UP, SONIC, IT'S NOT MY FAULT ]] KANAYA: / i feel like at this point kanaya is desperately looking for an excuse to extricate herself from this conversation HALSPRITE: Hal will not let her leave ]] KANAYA: / o h no HALSPRITE: You have activated his trap card ]] KANAYA: // aah KANAYA: Sonic The Hedgehog KANAYA: That Is That KANAYA: Colorful Creature With The Pointed Bits KANAYA: I Remember Rose Threatening Dave With That At One Point KANAYA: Something About An KANAYA: Oh Sea KANAYA: In Vengeance For Him Revealing Her Youthful Online Storytelling KANAYA: Maybe Now I Can Understand This Sibling Conflict That Remained Clouded For Me HALSPRITE: Yes. HALSPRITE: He was a living legend of the late 20th century. HALSPRITE: If he had survived, the world of the 24th century might have been a very different place. KANAYA: Was The Hedgehog Also Assassinated HALSPRITE: Oh, it was worse than that. HALSPRITE: He was one of the Freedom Fighter's golden boys. A hero of the resistance. He had an almost unimaginable charisma about it. HALSPRITE: Some of the higher ups didn't like that, not one bit. KANAYA: / gill i'm going to kill you KANAYA: While Youre On The Toilet KANAYA: / it will be undignified HALSPRITE: I can hear you laughing ]] KANAYA: / the knives are out here HALSPRITE: His final mission was a set-up, I'm telling you. KANAYA: / i think we're done here

[greeblingyaoza]

Just because it’s been on my mind, here’s some of my unpopular or at least maybe somewhat controversial FMA opinions. Just for fun. Putting it under a read more because it’s kind of long and I also don’t know how to make things short and simple at all, lmao. 

-I find Greed smoking to be very unattractive. I find it unattractive in general, anyways. I know he smokes in 03, and it may be implied in the manga, idk, but I just grew up to despise cigarettes due to how I grew up and I just...the smell...the way it discolors things and sticks to things... I love Greed but he’d just have to keep it outside, away from me, lmao. 

-I find Ling/Greedling to be more attractive than first Greed. There, I said it. I love Greed. First Greed is very attractive, don’t get me wrong. But I’ll be honest...when I first watched FMA, he really was not my type. Not quite pretty boy enough for me, I guess. After I got to know his character later on...he naturally became more attractive to me. But I still have a bias towards the overall Greedling look. That’s totally my type. 

-I know some people see the slapstick in FMA as glorifying abuse, but I think that’s a stretch. I don’t think Winry is automatically an abusive wife because of the slapstick in the series. Going by Arakawa’s works, she seems to enjoy using physical slapstick a lot. Maybe physical slapstick is not something that should ever be used for comedic purposes, but it happens in so many cartoons that it seems to be kind of the norm. It personally doesn’t bother me, and I can see where it my bother some, but I don’t think it’s something Arakawa or her characters should necessarily be condemned for. 

-I don’t think the reason that the fandom seems more saddened by the Nina situation and Hughes’ death than the Ishvalan genocide is necessarily because the fans are racist. Nina and Hughes were named characters the viewers got to see and maybe even get attached to. They were also personal to Edward’s story and experience. Yes, the Ishvalan genocide is definitely a greater tragedy, but it happened pre-series, and there weren’t any Ishvalan characters shown who died in the genocide for people to get attached to beforehand. It’s kind of like watching an anime where lot’s of people die, but lot’s of those people are background no-name characters. Of course people are going to care more the named characters that were established in the story. That said, I’m most saddened by Greed’s death above all else in the series. Yes, I realize the genocide was worse, but Greed was a character that I love and feel attachment to. It’s just that simple to me. 

-It’s okay to be a Kimblee fan. Liking villainous characters who are all around bad people is totally okay. It’s different if someone is excusing their actions. Envy literally killed an Ishvalan child with no remorse. He’s still pretty loved. I like Envy as a character, but he/they’re still a pretty remorseless piece of lizard dung. 

-The thing with Nina doesn’t make me as sad as most people. I knew about it way before watching the anime and it’s been memed so much that I feel unaffected by it at this point. 

-I think Roy and Riza are inherently good people at heart and don’t deserve to suffer/die/be unhappy for the rest of their lives because of what they did in Ishval. They’re working hard to make things better and help the Ishvalans, and that speaks volumes to me. 

-I’m neutral on whether Roy should have stayed blind or not. Either way, I’m fine with it. I can see both sides of the argument though. 

-Lan Fan isn’t as bad or flat of a character as some people may think. The anime missed out on a big part of her character development, though granted it’s because her Japanese VA couldn’t be available to do those parts. It’s understandable, life happens, but it’s still kind of disappointing. Also, she’s not just some obsessed Ling fangirl. She doesn’t even act that way. She’s protective of him mainly because it’s what she was raised to do. That said I totally think she loves him and Lingfan is beautiful. 

-The color blindness thing with Ed and Miles was poorly executed. I won’t lie. But I can also see where it came from and can understand where Arakawa/dub script writers/etc may have thought it was “progressive” or “good.” I myself used to think that was a good way of thinking until I learned better. Also, I think the dub did make it sound worse than it was originally intended, but it may have still been a bit...eehhh beforehand. I get where it’s a flaw that shouldn’t be ignored, but I don’t think Arakawa/the series should be dragged for it either. Good intentions, poorly worded/executed. 

-I can see Ling being bi/pan, even het. Not so much gay. 

-I don’t see the Win/Fan ship so much. I get where it would be interesting if they actually had some meaningful interaction in the show, but they didn’t. In theory maybe I could see it? But I usually don’t pay much attention to ships that don’t have a lot of canon backing/heavy interactions. So it’s probably just a personal preference for shipping. 

-I’ve said this before, but I really don’t like the idea that Ling went back to Xing, took his 50 wives, had babies with them, and continued the same twisted system that’s hurting his country. It does’t align with the fact he said he’d accept all the other clans and not continue the clan wars. 

-Adding to that, I don’t like when people say Lingfan CAN’T happen because Ling MUST take these wives and have a bunch of babies, and he has no choice in the matter, or he wants to keep the 50 wives system for some reason (because he wants trophy wives??Idk?) Or you know, because Lan Fan is a guard and it would never be allowed. No one knows for sure what happened after he went back. Lingfan could totally happen...or not. No need to shatter hopes.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-Not saying fma is some ultra feminist series or feminist at all (not intended to be at least), but I think the female characters are in general well rounded and have different things they do in their lives, and that makes it feel more realistic. We have badass fighters, leaders, guards, housewives (nothing wrong with being a housewife if that’s what someone wants), mothers, mechanics, etc. It may not be perfect but the reason it gets praised so much for female characters is that it does them better than a lot of anime. Could it be better? Yes. But there are those that claim that FMA is just so misogynistic that it may have well been written by a man (I’ve seen this)...and well...can’t agree at all. It’s pretty well handled considering cultural context. 

-03 and Brotherhood are good in their own ways. I prefer Brotherhood a million times over (plus the manga!) for my own reasons (Ling and Greed’s development are huge reasons why) but sometimes the hate for 03 gets a little out of hand. A lot of people hate it only for not following the manga and characterizing the characters a bit differently. However, that was a part of the point. It was supposed to be different. And Arakawa herself approved of it and loved it (also if anyone thinks they “took her work and bastardized it” she wanted them to make it different). The 03 vs BH comparison arguments are so tiring and pointless. Actually when I see people who think 03 is so superior and constantly put down Brotherhood, it actually at times made me feel bad for preferring BH (because I’m insecure), and drove me further away from 03. I also know that 03 fans have to deal with people crapping all over their favorite series far more than BH fans do, so it’s all annoying. 

-There should be more FMA Pokemon aus. The characters with Pokemon teams. I’m always a slut for Pokemon. 

-Greed has a good heart. (Is this unpopular? Probably not, but adding it anyways)

-Ling is a good-hearted caring person who would try to do the best for his country and people and make it a better place. (Probably not unpopular, just have to say it. 

-Ling and Greed, at the end of the day, are wonderful people, no matter their flaws. 

-okay these opinions are becoming less unpopular so it’s time to stop. 

I may have more, but I just can’t think of them right now. If anyone wants to debate or throw their opinion in, feel free too. Also feel free to reblog with your own unpopular opinions. 

[kalira]

Fighting and making up meme: Trevor and Alucard|Adrian

Sure thing! This one should be fun. >.>

Who has the shorter temper?

Adrian, which surprises a fair number of people who know them. Adrian is good at keeping his temper in check - thanks to his mother, mainly - but by nature he is prone to impulsive snaps of temper.

Who apologises first (most often)?

While they’re both capable of apologising when necessary, neither of them quite do so easily. Self-confidence, pride, defensiveness… It’s easier for them to make gestures or allowances that allow the other to read the apology without outright stating it.

Adrian is more likely to apologise even if he doesn’t mean it, if it comes to that, however - not that Trevor finds any satisfaction in such unmeant apologies, and he’s perceptive enough to realise when Adrian is doing it. It tends to fire his temper further rather than ease things.

Do either of them ever pick fights on purpose?

With the actual thought ‘I want to pick a fight’? No, not really. Picking at each other knowing they’re going to start something … definitely yes. Trevor loves to needle Adrian on principle, even once their initial issues with each other are resolved. Adrian falls into being snarky (and snooty) quite well himself and drives Trevor up the wall in return.

Who sleeps on the couch or in the spare room/office so as not to bother their partner after they fight?

In an extended fight sometimes Trevor will stay in the bar and drink himself stupid instead of going up to find the waiting bed with Adrian in it - not solely to keep away from Adrian but in part.

Adrian will sometimes avoid sleeping entirely - he can go without for a while if need be - or simply shift forms and either prowl around in his wolf-shape or settle elsewhere in it - nearby but not in the bed. It removes the ability to snipe at each other, Trevor is no more intimidated by Adrian’s fangs in his wolf-shape than he ever is when Adrian’s in his natural shape, and it lets him at least stay close without tempting the argument’s continuation too poorly.

And, while Adrian would never admit it, he appreciates and is well aware that while his wolf-shape is hardly cute or helpless seeing him in that shape does soften Trevor’s temper a little.

Who can’t sleep when they’re fighting?

Trevor is a little too practical - taught by entirely too many rough times - to not take sleep when he has the opportunity for it, whether emotionally settled or not. (Much of his life at this point has been through some manner of emotional upheaval or other in any case, let alone with the demon hordes possibly threatening nearby.)

Adrian, on the other hand, will on occasion be too unsettled to just … settle and sleep, if their fight has been a particularly rough one especially. It helps if he can be nearby - easy enough to manage without being stunningly obvious, although Trevor senses him easier than most humans would be able. Sometimes Trevor realises Adrian is lurking nearby after a squabble and pretends not to know anyway. It settles them both and if they don’t acknowledge their proximity they don’t have to pick up the fight again.

Who goes to work out (or something) to blow off steam when they’re fighting?

Trevor goes (or stays) out drinking more often than anything if left to his own devices, but that’s Trevor’s favourite distraction in general. Sometimes he goes to kill things (dark creatures) but that’s more often a team effort with all three of them (and if they’re in a town or city with whatever inhabitants can be corralled to assist and be taught) which makes it rather less of a distraction from Adrian. They’re both too serious about such things to let any squabble interfere with the importance of those fights, however.

If Adrian feels the need to go out and distract himself or blow off steam rather than just quash down his temper he is more likely to go hunting on his own - either in his natural shape or his wolf-shape. (Scouting is more frustrating when he’s in such a mood, but hunting is also useful and especially if he sinks into his wolf-shape and lets instinct and muscle and senses take over it is an excellent way to fall away from irritation and the tangle of emotion that comes with lovers’ spats.)

Do either of them vent to other people about the fight?

Adrian internalises and would look down his nose quietly at anyone who suggested he do such a thing - he’s not the best at blending on the same level with people, despite his best efforts to respect his mother’s people and find his place among them (even after the bitter regret of his mother’s death at ignorant human hands).

Trevor will happily bitch about just about everything else but he doesn’t tend to air his true relationship problems or issues any more than he’ll honestly complain about any serious issues in his life.

Are they ‘wake the neighbours’ or ‘icy silence’ type of arguers?

Icy silence, or rather, low and all but hissed barbs, most commonly. They are both perfectly capable of screaming matches but low-voiced snapping and biting at each other is what they both fall into by nature. The learned need to be cautious about attracting attention certainly doesn’t encourage shouting matches.

Who tries kisses to sweeten the other’s temper when they’re at odds?

Adrian wouldn’t put it in such words, and Trevor wouldn’t admit that it actually works on him, but light touches and kisses across Trevor’s shoulders coax him, at times, to listen more openly. (And then there’s the times he snaps or lashes out accompanied by pointed remarks about fangs edging in where they’re not wanted or invited as though Adrian has ever tried to bite him . . . without permission.)

Do they have a/any major reoccurring issue(s) they just can’t settle/agree on?

…these two? Certainly not, they always neatly square away everything and never have any lingering resentment or unresolvable issues.

*coughs*

For example, though he’s largely made peace with it Trevor is still not completely sanguine about one of his closest companions being a dhampir. Becoming lovers really only added layers to that, rather than dealing with the remnants of his misgivings.

What’s the longest they’ve ever stayed angry with each other?

Snippy and short with each other they can drag on for quite some time (much to Sypha’s despairing irritation), impressively so, particularly as they continue to work as an efficient team. At the levels of a serious clash with each other, however, they tend to repair things rather quickly, no more than a few days of distance and irritation and not-quite-reconciling-or-apologising.

How do they make up?

Unless necessary they rarely acknowledge that their fight was anything bad enough to require making up, and they rather just settle back into their usual dealings with each other, perhaps with being a tad more patient and less likely to snipe with each other for a time. Briefly. Neither of them are very good at refraining from such things with one another - it’s their primary method of communication most times, it seems.

If an apology is necessary it’s given in a quiet moment, and despite their natural inclinations given and accepted without any of their usual banter or picking. Adrian often tries to hold himself stiffly and properly apart for such things, but Trevor is more tactile and doesn’t generally let him.

Do they hold a grudge after the fight is over, or get over it quickly?

Trevor is powerfully inclined to hold grudges, but … really only when it comes to the serious stuff. Adrian might brass him off something special but even when he’s being deliberately infuriating (or just bitchy) it’s far short of the kind of shit that would inspire Trevor to hold a proper grudge. He’ll grumble and pick at Adrian but not really stay angry.

Adrian’s temper fades faster to begin with, and once a fight is resolved he generally lets it go quickly. On occasion Trevor manages to pick a topic or issue that bothers him more, in which case he can stay prickly and icy for a while longer, even after the fight is settled, but that’s growing less common as they get to know each others’ soft spots better (and care to look out for them rather than, say, aim for them).

Send me a ship for this meme?     (Or another I’ve made?)

[apurpleaddledbaker]

Character Solidifying

Answers to this ask meme because mun doesn’t know how to love herself and got up far too early to function so have some results

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

Gamzee thinks poorly of his lusus, the creature may have looked after him after his emerging but he was hardly around enough to have much of a positive impact upon him. He may have taught Gamzee about Alternia and ensured he knew of home and his purpose upon it, but that was hardly useful when the creature absconded and left him to his own struggles.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

The Mother Grub is the Mother Grub, not much else to say on that.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

He’s got all his brothers and sisters in the crew Jade sister is definitely a fav, they chatter about their less than innocent jobs. Gamzee thinks it’s really fucking cool how Jade works He doesn’t hate any of his bros or sisters

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

It was most lenient, due to his lusus being mostly absent, he was able to do a lot of things he most definitely shouldn’t have been allowed to, including get himself hooked on sopor slime. After his lusus absconded, he had a very strict set of rules to follow when he worked for the original owner of what is now his bakery. Before the man was tragically lost during a break in… yes.

5. Were they overprotected as a child? Sheltered?

Not at all. Not at all.

6. Did they feel rejection or affection as a child?

He definitely felt more rejection than anything else, there was a complete lack of affection in his childhood.

7. What was the economic status of their family?

They were actually quite well off before the absconding, then his funds were flat locked (and may or may not have been stolen from him at some point by shady bank) and he had to do his best to deal with shit from there.

8. How does your character feel about religion?

Gamzee is all about the Mirthful Church, is here and he stands it. All of the here for his Grand High Brother and the rest of the Church, it’s all good.

9. What about political beliefs?

He’s just a big shrug, doesn’t have the time or the care. Just wants to do what he do, shit’ll happen and he’ll just keep going.

10. Is your character street-smart, book-smart, intelligent, intellectual, slow-witted?

Gamzee… is a special. He’s consumed all of the mind rotting drugs and he’s the most slow, very late for all of the things it’s not uncommon for him to respond to something that happened a while ago as if it just happened. He’ll also forget so much of what he’s just been told.

11. How do they see themselves: as smart, as intelligent, uneducated?

Gamzee knows he’s a bit of a dumb son, he’s fine with that, he’s all cool.

12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?

He doesn’t use a lot of bit words, uses a lot of profanity though and tends to speak slowly and a bit slurred, trailing off and tripping over his words at times.

13. Did they like school? Teachers? Schoolmates?

He didn’t really go to school, all of his teachings were very homeschooled kinda thing, first everything he learned from his lusus then what he learned from his employer.

14. Were they involved at school? Sports? Clubs? Debate? Were they unconnected?

N/A

15. Did they graduate? High-School? College? Do they have a PHD? A GED?

Nope, not at all. There was nothing to graduate so he done didn’t.

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

He’s a Baker first and foremost! He loves making miracles for people and sharing his baked goods! Loves seeing the happy faces and hearing how much people like his stuff Also works as a Hitman for the Crew, which he is also enjoying, it’s the closest he’ll get to what he was born to do according to his lusus and there’s something really satisfying in beating a motherfucker with his clubs

17. Did they travel? Where? Why? When?

He’s never travelled anywhere, just stayed in Midnight City that he knows off. He’s unsure if he was born on Derse or Alternia and he doesn’t have anyone to ask anymore.

18. What did they find abroad, and what did they remember?

N/A

19. What were your character’s deepest disillusions? In life? What are they now?

Literally all of the drugs he takes, those are some big disillusions right there. Also probably all of his miracles, would much rather believe in them then the truth of science and things that can be explained away. Let the boy continue to believe in his greater powers.

20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?

That would definitely have to do with meeting his Grand High Brother and being accepted into the Church proper, that was a very big impressive day for him and stays cherished in his memories.

21. What are your character’s manners like? What is their type of hero? Whom do they hate?

Gamzee’s not got the best manners, he doesn’t quite get personal space or a lot of social ques but he does his best to remember things he’s told if he thinks it’ll make somebody happy, doesn’t like setting people off or making them uncomfortable so he does his best to ensure it only ever happens once if that. He doesn’t really have a hero type? Is just kinda shrug, doesn’t mind hearing about ‘em though if somebody wants to chatter at him about ‘em. He currently has no potential pitch leanings or any hate towards anybody at this current time. At least nobody alive and it’s kinda useless to hate a dead person, would much rather spend his emotions on other things.

22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?

All of his brothers and sisters are his friends! All of them. His Jade sister is his favourite, murder buddies for life Currently doesn’t have any flushed partners/leanings nor does he really have a type or ideal partner, he’s happy to roll with things and let emotions pop up and fester where they do.

23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?

From a Flushed Partner, someone that’ll stay afterwards and cuddle with him even if he is bony and uncomfortable and won’t be deterred by waking up in a clown octopus hold, rub his horns a little cause he likes that and he’ll purr for you From a Pitch Partner, please just hold him down and give it to him rough, pull on his hair the most good, also biting, yes for biting. And a good fight to decide who gets to be on top is always good for a very violent race >;3c Sex is good, he enjoys it, is messy but is fun. Enjoys both topping and bottoming with a bit of a lean towards the latter.

24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?

He’s part of the Midnight Crew, works as a Hitman for them and sometimes brings and leaves baked goods for them, usually just what he hadn’t been able to sell that day but sometimes he’ll make shit just for them. Definitely prefers to just be told what to do about things, give him orders to follow and he’ll follow them.

25. What are their hobbies and interests?

All of the baking! Also enjoys all kinds of clown things such as juggling (I’m not saying he’s good at juggling blood-stained clubs but I really am)

26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?

His room is a very chaotic place, messy but he knows where everything is so it’s fine, the only part of it that isn’t messy is where Deploy (his new cat) sleeps, it’s pristine and well maintained over there. But the rest of the room is mess and piles, the best one being his blankets and pillows pile, really just a nest but he likes piles more so that’s what he calls it. He doesn’t really have much of a care for what he wears, is really shrug about it and he often wears his clothes wrong anyways, because buttons are hard ok. His hair’s really soft and thick, wild curls that he does remember to brush sometimes so there’s an equal chance of knots and not. He looks lanky and a bit not-quite there, wandering hazy gaze and listing in place.

27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?

Not really big on things like style and quality since how he wears his clothing goes really well with his general disposition of confused, not all put together and things could probably be better.

28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?

Currently no Matesprit

29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?

An inability to focus for too long and an over-zealousness for his job. Also the fact that he’s really friendly and that’s not the best quality for this life Gamzee.

30. Are they holding on to something in the past? Can he or she forgive?

Not really, Gamzee runs better with it’s better to let shit go and just keep going with his life, no point hanging onto grudges too long. There’s also the fact that a lot of his grudges tend to end in murals painted on stone but that’s not important.

31. Does your character have children? How do they feel about their parental role? About the children? How do the children relate?

Nope!

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

Typically he’s just go with the flow, unaffected. Others he gets a bit fidgety and would like to either leave it or if that’s not available to him, aggression is always a good road to take.

33. Do they drink? Take drugs? What about their health? 

He takes ALL OF THE DRUGS. ALL OF THEM. His health is pretty not the best, is not terrible but is bad, is why he’s mostly bones, boi takes too many drugs and shit’s just fecked up now.

34. Does your character feel self-righteous? Revengeful? Contemptuous?

All of the no, not at all for any of those.

35. Do they always rationalize errors? How do they accept disasters and failures?

Errors happen all of the time, you just gotta learn from them and continue on, and if they continue, well you only need to beat the motherfucker harder.

36. Do they like to suffer? Like to see other people suffering?

Gamzee’s alright with a bit of physical pain, it adds a nice ping to the haze he’s usually in very enjoyable. He’s very meh about other people suffering though, doesn’t really care one way or the other.

37. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?

He is always daydreaming, mind’s always getting away from him and wandering off somewhere he doesn’t want it to.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

He’s pretty open and excited about new things! Unless someone he trusts and respects tells him to act otherwise, then there’s suspicion and wariness because they know what they’re talking about and they wouldn’t warn him without good reason.

39. What do they like to ridicule? What do they find stupid?

He doesn’t really care to ridicule anything or anyone, everybody’s off making their own miracles and that’s cool. Except disloyalty, that’s unforgiveable and a big no-no to him.

40. How is their sense of humor? Do they have one?

Everything is hilarious. Everything. All jokes are miracles and deserve to be laughed at.

41. Is your character aware of who they are? Strengths? Weaknesses? Idiosyncrasies? Capable of self-irony?

I think Gamzee is very aware of himself, knows how strong he is, knows he shouldn’t be around all of the people while he’s sober/raging and that he’s definitely not the brightest/best blub in the box. He’s fine with that. He is definitely capable of self-irony.

42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?

I don’t know if Gamzee has anything he really really wants, probably just to make his Grand High Brother proud to associate with him and stay with him for some time to come. He needs his miracle pies as being sober is a terrible time for him and he hates it, absolutely hates how weighted and real everything feels, it hurts his head and makes him so easy to rage and he doesn’t want that please, would do anything to prevent it.

43. Does your character have any secrets? If so, are they holding them back?

Yeah, definitely. But more in the sense that they’re not really important and don’t need to be brought to attention at the current time. There’s no point bringing up anything about the roles they would have taken on Alternia as that’s neither here nor there and he doesn’t want his brothers and sisters worried that he’ll just murder them just because Alternian culture would have called for it.

44. How badly do they want to obtain their life objectives? How do they pursue them?

He doesn’t really have a life objective currently, he’s currently at a good place and is good with staying here.

45. Is your character pragmatic? Think first? Responsible? All action? A visionary? Passionate? Quixotic?

He doesn’t think first, if he did he’d never get anywhere because the thought would abandon him so quickly it would be hilarious and sad and nothing would ever be done ever. Even when he plans things it’s very quick spur of the moment, follow the thought before it escapes.

46. Is your character tall? Short? What about size? Weight? Posture? How do they feel about their physical body?

He’s a toll boi! 6’1” and all gangly limbs and bones! No fat on him whatsoever, there is some muscle but not too much. He’s very shrug about his physical body, his blood caste live a long time so he’s pretty sure he’s got another growth spurt or two in him, until then just ‘this is it’

47. Do they want to project an image of a younger, older, more important person? Does they want to be visible or invisible?

He doesn’t really want to project much of anything, what people see is what they see, he does try to be non-threatening, though that’s a bit difficult with the face paint. Doesn’t really try to be either visible or invisible, he’s just there.

48. How are your character’s gestures? Vigorous? Weak? Controlled? Compulsive? Energetic? Sluggish?

His gestures aren’t controlled at all, they’re a bit slow and dragging, sluggish is a good word for them.

49. What about voice? Pitch? Strength? Tempo and rhythm of speech? Pronunciation? Accent?

Very slow, slurred kinda scratchy. A low bass or a baritone

50. What are the prevailing facial expressions? Sour? Cheerful? Dominating?

A cheerful, if absent-minded and dopey grin, it tends to show off sharp teeth.

[momkiddies-blog]

Latest Post On https://momandkids.fun/2019/03/11/five-things-to-remember-when-your-kid-behaves-badly/

Five Things To Remember When Your Kid Behaves Badly

You’re waiting in line to check out with your one item. It’s a quick errand that you decided to squeeze in right before lunch. The mom in front of you has her toddler with her and she’s mid-tantrum and purposely knocking items off of the register display onto the floor. The toddler is inconsolable and irrational. The mom is frazzled. She can’t find the receipt for her return in her giant mom bag. Her daughter doesn’t care. The mom stops rummaging in her purse for the receipt and tries to distract her with something shiny. No luck. The toddler begins screaming…pushing up against her moms’ legs and generally making everyone uncomfortable. You watch the whole situation unfold from two feet away. You can SEE how the mom is doing the best that she can. You can SEE that the toddler is acting out and treating her mom, the one safe person in the building, with contempt and disrespect. You can SEE that she’s probably hungry or tired. She’s only three and it’s easy to remember that her brain hasn’t made all of those super important connections in her frontal lobe to cause her to realize that her behavior isn’t socially appropriate. From where you’re standing, the whole situation, while unfortunate, makes a lot of sense.

Now insert yourself as the mom with the screaming toddler. All of those things that you could SEE as the bystander are fuzzy and unclear. Your heart rate jumps up 20 beats per minute and you suddenly feel like the entire world is waiting on you to be able to continue to spin. You suddenly feel ashamed and embarrassed…as if it’s all your fault. From where you’re standing now, the whole situation makes no sense at all.

Mamas, we’ve all been there. Yes?

I spent the first few years of my motherhood a frazzled mess anytime my children misbehaved. I’d feel all the yucky feelings…annoyance, shame and guilt, frustration and anger, and embarrassment. “Why can’t they just behave?!” I’d desperately wonder. I even retreated a bit into isolation, closing myself off from a seemingly judgmental and unforgiving outside world because that felt easier than risking these painful interactions.

My friends, I was so wrong.

Unlike any generation before, we have no shortage of knowledge, research and opinions available to us when it comes to raising our children. Opinions on sleep training. Opinions on pacifiers. Opinions on disciplinary methods. Opinions on screen time. Opinions on opinions.

All kinds of opinions from the outside world coming in and telling us that we need to do this job perfectly.

So in parenting, when something goes wrong, we jump to the research. We consult the all-knowing internet. We read books to try to figure out just where we got it wrong and how to fix it immediately. Maybe you’ve stumbled here because you’re stressed about your child’s bad behavior and are unsure about how to handle it.

I sought out all the opinions on fixing the behavior of my children. But there were a few things that NOBODY was saying about dealing with bad behavior. I’m here to say FIVE of them.

Bad behavior is NORMAL. It’s inevitable that every single child will have moments of rebellion and disobedience during the first 18 years of their lives…oh and beyond. Normalcy does NOT equal acceptability, but it’s important to remember that our kids will naturally act out. Every kid is different, so some will be super creative and do it in ways that will shock and surprise us. What we shouldn’t be surprised by is the fact that they’re rebelling in some way, shape or form.

Bad behavior is a result of something DEEPER. You mama, are the one person with the most insight into the mind and heart of your child. You know how they tick. You know if they’re hungry or tired. You know that your daughter is less emotionally developed or that your son has a speech delay that could be causing frustration. You know if they slept poorly last night (because you probably did too). You know about that friendship at school that’s been strained for the past month. You have more information than anyone to help them work it out.

I found that I was always taking it personal when my kids acted up. Don’t take it personal! It’s not about you 99% of the time. You’re just the easy target because you’re their mom. You’re their safe place. The one who will love them no matter what.

Bad behavior does not always equal bad parenting. Remember before you had kids and anytime you saw a badly behaved child, you assumed it was the result of poor parenting? Surely I wasn’t the only naive one who made those incorrect judgments. We could parent perfectly and our children might still grow up and choose a path of foolishness. Just find an empty-nester or two and you can confirm. This job we’re doing makes no guarantees. So just because your child is losing his mind in the checkout line doesn’t always mean that you’re to blame.

We are their COACHES. Our kids need to be taught EVERYTHING. From how to brush their teeth to how to fold and put away their clothes, how to drive a car and how to fill out a college application. So far, I’ve found kids to be mostly incapable of figuring things out on their own without at least some instruction or pointing in the right direction. They also seem to need the EXACT SAME STATEMENTS repeated ad nauseum at times. We cannot expect them to know all the things. We are their coaches. Their role models. Their cheerleaders. It is our responsibility to teach them, not to sit back and assume they’ll figure it out themselves. If we don’t, someone else will and it may not be someone that you’d choose.

My very favorite phrase to use with my kids when they misstep is “Try Again”. It’s simple and direct and it gives them another chance to figure it out themselves. It shows them that I believe in them. It shows them that I’m on their team, hoping for them to make the right choice. It shows them grace without tolerance of misbehavior. You may not continue this behavior…try again.

Whining… “Try again”

Throwing toys… “Try again”

Hitting a sibling… “Try again”

Losing temper… “Try again”

Running away in a parking lot… “Try again”

And then, of course, there are times that they don’t want to try again…

EMOTIONLESS Consequences. Consequences should be matter-of-fact, planned out and calmly executed. 1+1=2…always. It’s not an emotional thing. “You did this…so here’s the consequence. Done.” Take the emotion out.

We should always believe the best about our children while also having the foresight to expect them to misstep. Expect obedience but also plan ahead for those times of disobedience so that you’re not caught off-guard. Plan your consequences ahead of time for disobedience and ALWAYS follow through. Foresight keeps your emotions at bay.

So what now?

So maybe none of this is new information for you. But it’s certainly a lot easier on paper then it is to execute in real life, yes? I’m a big fan of repeating truth over and over though. It helps it to stick and influence our thinking…and it proves my point about needing to hear things more than once before they sink in, even as adults. As I remind myself of these five things more and more, I find that I can parent more objectively and effectively in the tough moments. The moments that threaten my blood pressure to rise and my feelings to bruise.

So mama, when your sweet child who you love more than the air in your own lungs is acting out in the most ridiculously inappropriate ways that you could never have dreamed up yourself…lean in.

Lean in and let her know that you’re not going anywhere.

Remember that she is not the sum of her behavior. Remember that something else is going on underneath the surface. Remember that you are not to blame. Remember your role as her coach, her cheerleader and her safe place.  

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About lesliekvas

Hi friends! I’m Leslie Kvasnicka (ka-vas-ni-cka). I’m a born and raised Texas girl about to celebrate 10 years of marriage to my love Justin. After a two year adventure together in New York, we settled in Austin seven years ago in 2012. In my former life, I worked as a pediatric nurse, and I’m now spending my days as a Stay-at-home-mom to our three crazy kids…two brave and fun-loving boys, Logan (7) and Colt (2) with a feisty sister, Reese (4) in the middle. My list of favorites is a mile long, including cooking new recipes, group fitness classes, vacations with friends, creative projects, creamy coffee, the enneagram, patios covered in twinkle lights and texting in gifs. Hilarious memes are my love language. My true passions that make my heart beat fast are my faith in Jesus and the authentic relationships that speak life into our lives. I manage a blog that is all about empowering and celebrating the beauty of motherhood and building up the family unit. . Follow along with my lovely little squares on instagram @kvas.chaos and on our blog www.kvaschaos.com

[thanksforthefush-blog]

The UnDefinitive Guide to Kiwi Slang

TLDR: No one understands half the things WE are saying so Linda makes a list.

As I have found out in my time in America so far, many of my commonly used Kiwi slang is non-existent here (in fact, most people don't even know what I mean when I refer to myself as a Kiwi). I decided to write this post when I told a friend of mine I was "up to fucks" which in retrospect, can be totally misconstrued as something akin to hoe-ing around.

So I thought I'd compile a nifty list of Kiwi slang I use on a regular basis. Even for some Kiwis, a lot of the slang I use may not be used in a particular part of New Zealand. There is also a lot of Kiwi slang that I don't use which I won't include (for instance, 'tu meke' or 'hard out' and honestly you could probably write a book on Kiwi slang). Heck, for all I know, some of these could be used in other parts of America seeing as I have only used these on the East and West Coast and the sample size doesn't really encompass the entirety of America.

1. Flatmates, Flatting, Flat

Basically, any phrase with the word 'flat'. In America, they use roommates instead of flatmates, they say sharing a house/room or living together instead of just saying flatting together and you refer to your dwelling as a house, apartment, rowhome, or whatever instead of just saying flat. I asked someone what you call it when you go flatting ie. move out of home and quite literally you say "I'm living away from home'. In all honesty, having an umbrella term makes it much more versatile and people find it super charming when I say flatmate.

2. Sweet As

Meaning anything along the lines of "all good", "sounds good", "that's cool", "no problem" - basically any term that implies a good-natured confirmatory response .Zoe used this in her work emails for weeks before her senior cracked and finally asked her what she meant by "sweet as". People think I mean "sweet ass" which when used in place of "sweet as", makes no sense:

"Hey Linda, could you take out the trash please?"

"Sweet ass" - it just doesn't work.

3. Churr bro

Similar to "sweet as"  above - people just ask me if I'm just pronouncing the word 'cheers' funny.

4. Crook

This word is ingrained in my everyday vernacular, and is so versatile in its use that when someone finally asked me what I meant when I used it, I struggled to think of a definition that didn't contain the word crook ("You know, like when someone is a bit crook?"). Thankfully for Google, their definition is pretty much spot on - “(especially of a situation) bad, unpleasant or unsatisfactory".

Feel hungover or poorly? You're feeling crook. 

Know a dodgy fulla? He's crook.

You did something that would probably constitute as unsavoury? You're crook.

5. Yeah Nah, Nah Yeah

Where "yeah nah" = no, "nah yeah" = yes. It's all in the tone and inflections, where the yeah has to sound a little promising with a slightly higher pitch and the nah has to drop a few octaves and trail off.

6. Durry

No one here uses the term durry and everyone that I've used this term in front of loves it and thinks it sounds fancy as fuck. Americans just use the term cig, cigarette, smoke, whatever and also pronounce it as 'durr-ree' as opposed to 'duh-ree'.

7. Battling

When one is attempting to complete an arduous task and still manage to somehow muster the energy to complete said task. This term is mainly used after a loose Friday night, you wake up feeling like death  but you still manage it to make it to brunch the next day and maintain some semblance of humanity, and when someone asks you if you're okay because you're fully aware that you not only feel like death but you look like death as well, you flash them a half grin and whisper "I'm battling" and they give you a look of compassion and understanding because you still managed to be somewhat of a productive human being despite dying inside.

8. Rinsed

For when the term "drunk" doesn't quite encapsulate the absolute state you're in because you're positively smashed, you say you're rinsed. In America, there may be other terms to encompass this state of being but I've only heard the term "super drunk" which I guess suffices for all intent and purpose.

9. Too Easy

A friend of mine currently working in LA would respond to his seniors asking him to complete a task with "too easy". To most Kiwis, it is simply yet another confirmatory response, akin to 'sweet as'. His American colleagues made a complaint because they thought he was making a mockery out of the tasks they asked of him.

10. Keen

Akin to saying "I'm down" in America. When someones asks if you want to partake in anything, a typical response would be "Yeah I'm keen" or "keen as".

11. Skull/Dense

Still not really sure what Americans use in lieu of these terms but it refers to finishing off a beverage extremely quickly, usually alcoholic in nature - "I'm going to skull/dense this bottle of wine in 10 seconds, a magic trick I like to call the disappearing act."

12. Stitched Up

When someone puts you into an unsavoury situation, they are 'stitching you up'. I usually do this to Zoe by tagging her in obscene memes because she has her mum and Nan on Facebook, who have like 100 friends, and so whatever dank meme I tag Zoe in is sure to appear on their Facebook -  in a sentence, this would be "Linda stitched up Zoe". Or when your friend shares something with someone he wasn't supposed to and that person ends up bringing it up with you, it means your friend stitched you up.

13. Up to Fucks

Perhaps the most misconstrued term of them all, 'up to fucks' means you're up to nothing, you're procrastinating, something of that essence.

"Linda it's been 6 weeks, have you found a job?"

"Nah mate, I'm up to fucks."

14. Dodgy

In America, people use the term 'sketchy'. It means when something/someone/somewhere is potentially dangerous or dishonest.

15. Pack

I don't know how commonly this is used in NZ, but it is a commonly used term in my group of friends. It means to leave, ditch or not bother with someone or something. For instance, if Zoe ends up at Mish Mosh while everyone else wants to go to Cavern Club, a common phrase in our social circle is "Pack Zoe". Or if you're saying it to Zoe yourself, "Zoe we're packing you" or "Zoe, you're packed".

16. Benching

Equivalent in America to "on the back burner". When you're talking with someone you're not quite ready to pursue but you're not ready to lay down some groundwork either, you're benching them.

17. Wop Wops

The middle of nowhere. Synonymous to "bumblefuck" in America.

"Linda, did you get lost again? Where are you?'

America: "I somehow ended up in East Bumblefuck"

Kiwi: "I'm in the fucking wops"

18. Piss

'On the piss' = I'm drinking so if someone asks you what you're up to, you respond with "I'm on the piss".

'Pissed' = while this could also mean you're annoyed, context is key. In our instance, it means you're drunk.

These are not to be confused with "taking the piss" which means you're making fun of someone in good humour, you're joking, providing a bit of banter.

"Linda honestly, please stop making jokes about no one ever loving me."

 "Honestly Zoe, mate, I'm just taking the piss."

19. MEAN

When something is cool, awesome, some sort of positive adjective. Your mate produces a mint piece of artwork and to show your support and enthusiasm for his woke, artistic endeavours, you tell him "it looks fucking mean".

20. Ay?

This one is a little tricky because it's a very multi-use term.

It turns any phrase into pretty much a question: "Hey you don't want that ay?" you ask, while hungrily staring at the slice of pizza your friend has left on her plate.

Or when you're only 90% sure of an answer but you don't want to seem too confident on the off-chance that you're wrong, "oh it's 387 ay?" so in the 10% chance you're wrong, you don't seem too wrong because you said 'ay?' and that softens the blow.

Or when you're expressing disbelief at something:

Zoe: "Linda I made a friend today."

Me: "AY?????"

21. Dairy

A convenience/corner store. When you're too lazy to go to the supermarket and you're willing to pay the 9000% markup on the shitty Big Ben pies, you head off to your local dairy to pick up a pie and maybe a Starz drink too.

23. Feed

A meal or food - "Hey you keen for a feed?" or in normal terms "Are you down to grab a bite to eat?"

22. Shot

This one is a little tricky because it can be used in place of saying 'thank you' but it could also be used to commend your mate when he does something worth applauding.

"I picked us up a mean feed on the way home." to which someone could reply "Shot!" or "Linda I got to level 80 in World of Warcraft" to which I would respond "Shot bro!"

23. Shout

Not to be confused with 'shot' above, but to 'shout' means to treat someone. "Hey I'm keen for some Denny's tonight. Your shout?"

24. I reckon

Similar to saying "I think" or to agree wholeheartedly with someone.

"I reckon that I could dense this jug of mojitos by myself" - where here it's like saying "I think..."

Or "Honestly Linda, using Sprite Blast to make mojitos was a genius idea." which I would respond with, "Yeah I reckon!" to wholeheartedly agree that a winner mojito recipe is 1 part mojito to 4 parts Sprite Blast (NOTE it has to be Sprite Blast) with a bit of lemon juice and mint is bloody delicious.

25. Not Even

It's like saying "No way!" or "I can't believe it!".

Zoe: "Linda I managed to look like a 4/10 today."

Me: "Not even!"

26. Gap

It means 'to leave' and makes much more sense in context:

"Gap it g." when you're angry at your mate and you are telling them to vacate your immediate vicinity.

"I'm gapping it/I gotta gap" for when you have to leave.

27. Heaps

To express a large quantity, or frequency.

"How much do you love Harry Potter?" and you respond with "Heaps."

So in this context, I'm saying I love Harry Potter a lot, or very much. Or "How often have you gotten shit-faced this week Linda?" and I would respond with "heaps of times."

28. What a stink/sad guy

When your mate has done some stitching up, you say they're a 'stink/sad guy'.

 "Zoe, I've packed you and have found a new best friend."

"What a stink guy :("

29. Gutted

To express disappointment at someone, a situation, something.

"Densed two bottles of wine and now can't bring myself to drink wine anymore, I'm so gutted." or "Linda I'm coming with you to America" and you're just like "Oh gutted."

30. Can't be bothered/fucked/assed

I thought everyone used these terms but this one is a hit or miss with some people here. I asked my flatmate what the equivalent is and she said it would be somewhat equivalent to "when you don't give a fuck" but it basically means when you just don't wanna do something because you're lazy.

"Linda are you going to try figure out what you're gonna do with you life?"

"Honestly I just can't be bothered."

31. SEND IT

100% not even Kiwi slang but a commonly used phrase in my social circle. Very similar to dense/skull but deserves it on place on this list. This phrase is derived from one afternoon of day drinking where a typical Kiwi bloke no one really knew turned up to a party, got rinsed and passed out by 3pm but not before he encouraged everyone to "send it". It is simultaneously a cue to finish the entire contents of the drink in one's hand and also saying 'cheers' - a very versatile phrase that should definitely be employed in the rest of New Zealand's slang vocabulary.

A great instance for which this phrase should be used is when you're the sober driver for day 1 of an 8 day bender, and your friends have been polishing off a bottle of tequila and 2 cases of beer before you've even had a drop of alcohol (so much alcohol was consumed in said vehicle that as I was being breathalysed, it thought I was over the alcohol limit even though I was dead sober). You have to play the catch-up game real quick and your mates are real supportive of you and telling you "to fucking send it" for encouragement as you dense a bottle of wine in what you would refer to as your best disappearing magic trick yet. Bless.

So there we have it. There are so many other slang terms commonly used in New Zealand and a quick Google search would bring up other lists compiled by other Kiwis but honestly, it varies so much across New Zealand so I wanted to create a list unique to how I talk. It makes for great conversation pieces because I've had hours of long conversations with people who are fascinated by the slang that I use and how fancy they think it sounds (even though in New Zealand, there is nothing fancy about saying "bro, you keen for a mean feed? Your shout? Shot bro.").