#also yay glad so many people are on board with this idea!

[quatregats]

I am picturing hornblower timeloop as some sort of clockwork device with a crank handle, and him inside, and I am eagerly turning the handle to make it go, that’s how in favor of hornblower timeloop I am

Yes! Throwing him in the manual-crank washing machine until he finally comes clean! Someone take that man for a spin!

[bpro-cardstories]

Goshi Kaneshiro SSR

2018 ーDripping Water [滴るしずく]

“To be honest….. There are rumours that ghosts appear in that thicket…..”

『Event: Simmering Winter Onsen Trip (16th - 29th January 2018)』

Part 1

ーTHRIVE’s apartment.ー

Tsubasa: ‘Kaneshiro-san and Yuta-kun will be at the hot spring location starting tomorrow, did you two finish your preparations?’

Yuta: ‘Yep! When I put the cards and the board game in my bag later, it will be all perfect~.’ 

Goshi: ‘Oi, there’s no need for those things.’ 

Yuta: ‘That’s not true. Let’s play games with everyone after we ate dinner and went into the hot spring?’

Goshi: ‘As if I’d do that. Geez, we aren’t going there to have fun.’ 

Kento (sighs): ‘And to add, you’re going to be with Tsubasa at the hot spring, how envious.’

Yuta (laughs): ‘That’s a shame, but Kenken has a gravure photoshoot for a magazine, right?’

Kento: ‘Yeah. Although I don’t have a choice…..’   

Kento (laughs): ‘Oh, right. How about going with just the two of us next time?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Ahaha….. I appreciate your feelings, but…..’ 

Kento: ‘So, in what kind of place is the location?’

Tsubasa: ‘It is a long-established traditional inn located in Morizu, but it is popular for being surrounded by a thicket and because it is quiet and relaxing there.’ 

Kento: ‘Hee, that sounds nice. So you can enjoy the hot spring, while bathing in the forest.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes. However, uhm….. There are rumours around that place…..’ 

Goshi: ‘Rumours…..?’

Tsubasa: ‘To be honest….. It seems like there are ….. Appearing in the thicket close to the inn.’ 

Yuta: ‘What’s appearing? Ah! Perhaps beetles!?’

Kento: ‘There’s no way they’re appearing at this time of the year. We’re talking about the thicket…..’

Tsubasa: ‘….. Ghosts.’ 

Yuta: ‘Ghosts!?’

Goshi (shocked): ‘….. Ngh.’

Kento (laughs): ‘Tsubasa, that can’t be.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I think so too, but it seems that there are many witnesses…..’ 

Yuta: ‘Eeh!! Then aren’t they real!? Gochin, what should we do, if they appear at the inn~~!’

Goshi (shocked): ‘…..…..’

Yuta: ‘Oh, Gochin, what’s wrong?’

Goshi: ‘W-What. There’s nothing.’

Yuta: ‘Because you were so quiet since a while ago.’ 

Yuta: ‘Ah! Did you become scared maybe~?’

Goshi: ‘What!? I am not scared!’

Kento: ‘Hmm…..’

Goshi: ‘Tch….. Enough, I’m gonna sleep now since it’s going to be early tomorrow.’

Yuta: ‘Ah, he’s gone…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I wonder if we exaggerated a bit? It is good, if the project will not be exposed, but…..’ 

Kento: ‘It’s fine though? That bit is perfect for Goshi.’ 

Yuta: ‘True, true! I’m so excited to see Gochin’s scared face~!’

(We did receive permission from Shuji-san, but I wonder if it’s really okay to set something up like a test of courage prank…..)

Part 2

ーAt the inn.ー

Yuta: ‘Haa~, the hot spring felt so good~!’

Yuduki: ‘You’re right. It felt so good, I almost fell asleep.’ 

Miroku: ‘That said, you actually were half-asleep, weren’t you. It’s dangerous, so be careful.’ 

Yuduki (smiles): ‘Yes, understood.’ 

Miroku (smiles): ‘Compared to Yuduki, Onzai-san left the bathtub surprisingly early.’ 

Momotaro: ‘Yeah, it’s because my blood rushed to my head instantly.’

Mikado: ‘Wait, Tono-sama! You weren’t expecting to see a blushing Momotasu in the hot spring, were you!?’ 

Miroku: ‘Excuse me?’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Stop with that, Sekimura.’ 

Yuta: ‘Hey, hey, everyone! It’s too early to go to sleep yet, so let’s go see the hot spring district!’

Goshi: ‘What? At this hour?’

Mikado: ‘Because the opening times are short in the hot spring district, the shops must be closed now though?’ 

Yuta: ‘Is that so!? Eeh~, what a bummer…..’

Momotaro: ‘In this case, how about we go see the night skyline instead?’

Yuduki: ‘The night skyline?’

Momotaro: ‘I heard that you can see the beautiful night skyline, if you pass through the thicket near the inn.’ 

Miroku: ‘Something like that sounds good once in a while. But isn’t it dangerous entering the thicket at this hour?’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Even if we say thicket, it’s close to the inn. With this large number of people, it’s alright. What do you think, Sumisora?’

Tsubasa: ‘If it is not too late, it is fine.’ 

Yuta: ‘Yay!’

Goshi: ‘….. I’m gonna pass. I’m not interested in that night skyline.’

Yuta: ‘Eeh~!! Gochin, come - with - us~!’

Goshi: ‘So noisy! I said I won’t go, didn’t I!’

Mikado (smirks): ‘When you are that against it, there has to be some special reason.’ 

Yuta: ‘Gochin, could you perhaps be bothered by what Tsubasa-chan said?’

Goshi: ‘Geh….. That’s not it!’

Momotaro: ‘What was it?

Tsubasa: ‘To be honest….. There are rumours that ghosts appear in that thicket…..’

Mikado: ‘I understand, that was the reason. Then I have a plan to make this situation more enjoyable!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘What plan?’

Mikado (winks): ‘How about we do a test of courage with everyone?’

Goshi: ‘Come again!?’

Yuta: ‘Waah~! Yes, yes!’

Yuduki (smiles): ‘It’s a bit scary, but it sounds fun.’ 

Miroku (smiles): ‘Well, it’s fine I think.’

Mikado: ‘Look, everyone looks like they agree. For Kane-san to be the only one to not participateーー’

Goshi: ‘Tch. Fine. I’ll go with you.’

Yuta: ‘Yay~~~! I can’t wait! Gochin ♪.’

Goshi: ‘…..…..’

Tsubasa: ‘Because I have a meeting with the staff from the TV program, please be careful, everyone.’ 

(I’m glad that Kaneshiro-san will also participate in the test of courage.) 

(Good, I will secretly follow them…..)

Part 3

Mikado: ‘Well then, we have arrived at the thicket…..’ 

Yuta: ‘Waah~, it’s quite dark here.’

Miroku: ‘Indeed, it feels like something might come out.’ 

Momotaro: ‘…..….. It looks like it’s fine now.’

Goshi: ‘Oi, Momotaro, if you say that then it’s no joke. Stop with that.’ 

Mikado: ‘I have a suggestion. It will be boring, if we all go together as this is a test of courage, so how about going one by one?’ 

Goshi: ‘Wh…..!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘You have a point. Seems like it’s a straight path, Yuta shouldn’t get lost then.’ 

Yuta: ‘Count on me~!’

Goshi (sighs): ‘That’s ridiculous, I’m going back.’

Mikado: ‘Oh, oh~? Are you sure it is fine to say that~?’

Goshi: ‘W-What.’

Yuta: ‘Right! If you go back, I will tell Kenken without fail! About how Gochin got scared and couldn’t participate!’

Goshi: ‘What the!?’

Mikado: ‘That is true, I also might expand on the humorous story and turn it into material for work.’ 

Momotaro: ‘What will you do? It doesn’t look good.’

Yuduki: ‘Kaneshiro-san…..’

Goshi: ‘Fine! Bring it on!’

Mikado: ‘Tunk! Just what you’d expect of Kaneshiro-san! Then, let us decide with whom to start.’

Yuduki: ‘I have a notebook with me. How about we decide the order by a raffle made from the notebook?’ 

Mikado: ‘That sounds good. With this, let us start!’ ________

Goshi: ‘Tch, why do I need to do this…..’

Goshi: Damn, it’s too quiet.’

A noise comes from the bushes.

Goshi: ‘…..!?’

Goshi: ‘What the heck…..’

Goshi: ‘….. Let’s go ahead and catch up with Sekimura for now.’

???: ‘Gyaah…..!!!’

Goshi: ‘!? That scream just now, was it Sekimura!?’

Goshi: ‘…..…..’

Goshi: ‘Oi, oi, that’s no joke.’

Part 4

ーMeanwhile somewhere else.ー

Yuta: ‘Tsubasa-chan, how is Gochin doing~?’

Tsubasa: ‘Yes, it looks like it is going well. Can you see the monitor?’

Yuta: ‘Yep.’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Oi, Yuta, not so loud. Kaneshiro will find out otherwise.’

Yuta: ‘Ah, sorry, sorry.’

Momotaro: ‘Kaneshiro is doing his best, huh.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes…..’

(His face isn’t so visible on the monitor, so I wonder if he’s really doing okay…..) 

Staff: ‘Sumisora-san, he is coming closer, so please put your ghost mask on and stand by.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I understand…..!’

Yuta: ‘Then, we’ll also get ready~.’

Tsubasa: ‘I am counting on you.’

(Nevertheless, when it’s one of the members I might be on guard and won’t come closer. It sure feels heavy to be the one to frighten someone…..) 

(I’m sorry, Kaneshiro-san!) ________

Goshi: ‘Geez, how much longer do I need to walk? Why do I have to go along with such a stupid thing.’ 

Goshi (sighs): ‘In the first place, what was that scream from Sekimura earlier even…..’ 

Goshi: ‘Hm…..? Someone collapsed in the middle of the path…..’

Goshi: ‘Sumisora!?’

He runs to her.

Goshi: ‘Hey, are you okay!?’

Tsubasa: ‘Uuh…..’

Goshi: ‘Get it together! Hey!’

Goshi: ‘….., uwaaah!?’

Goshi: ‘A, A ghost…..!? For real…..!?’

Yuta: ‘Tadaa~♪. The prank was a - big - suc-cess~!’

Goshi (perplexed): ‘….. What?’

Part 5

ーBack at the inn.ー

(We returned to the inn after the prank ended, but…..)

Goshi (upset): ‘…..…..’

(It’s no surprise since he was tricked, though Kaneshiro-san is in an exceptionally bad mood…..)

Mikado: ‘Oh my~, I did not think it would go so well. It sure enough is all thanks to my realistic acting!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘You think? You exaggerated a bit.’ 

Miroku: ‘That’s true. It felt like a sketch comedy I think.’ 

Mikado (surprised): ‘Hm hm, you two do not understand. Since Kane-san was startled by it, so when talking about the outcome, there’s no doubt that my acting was effective.’ 

Goshi (upset): ‘You lot…..’

Tsubasa: ‘Kaneshiro-san, I am very sorry! It was an idea by the program staff and they said a test of courage is standard for a hot spring location…..’

Goshi: ‘So why me, huh!’

Mikado: ‘Eh, that is what you are asking?’

Goshi: ‘What!?’

Yuta: ‘Gee~, until when are you going to stay mad, aren’t you overreacting, Gochin? It was the president who gave the permission, so blaming Tsubasa-chan is wrong, don’t you think?’

Tsubasa: ‘No, it was undoubtedly me who did the frightening….. I am really sorry!’

Yuta: ‘Gochin?’

Goshi: ‘….. Tch, I know.’

Mikado (laughs): ‘Even so, it was the first time I saw Kane-san in this state.’

Yuta: ‘Hehehe, Gochin fell on his butt, didn’t he!’

Goshi: ‘You lot…..!’

Yuduki: ‘Uhm….. Kaneshiro-san.’

Goshi: ‘Hm?’

Yuduki: ‘It’s fine. I also love Kaneshiro-san, who is not good with ghosts.’ 

Goshi: ‘Eh…..?’

Momotaro: ‘Yudu, that’s where you’re not supposed to follow up.’ 

Yuduki: ‘Eh?’

Goshi: ‘Haa….. . Good grief, you lost me. I’m going to take a bath.’ 

Yuta: ‘Wait, wait! Take me with you then~!’

(Did Kaneshiro-san’s anger kind of calm down…..?)

(I never thought that I’m the one to frighten him, but it might have been a little bit fun. But let’s keep this a secret from Kaneshiro-san…..) 

END

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 3

Maybe Wednesday is just destined to be my watch night? At any rate, here are some more comically late hot takes for you all.

I really do not like that Clarice’s Bureau-mandated therapist is recurring character, nor do I like the way these scenes are framed.

And the name of this episode is “Are You Alright?” which...oop.

“He was a marshal.” Good to know that the sheriff BS she gave Mr. Cult Leader was made up after all.

This is a little thing, but enough with the boring monochromatic button-ups on Clarice! Where’s my girl who hides copies of Vogue under her mattress??

I don’t love this constant-flashback thing one bit.

To be 100% clear, if I haven’t been already, it’s not that I want Clarice’s mental health to be ignored. I just don’t think this is the best or most in-character way to address it.

Also: Clarice Starling is not defined by her trauma.

“Buffalo Bill...a wound I believe will never heal unless you open up about it.” Honestly?

Thanks, I hate it!

I hate to even bring up the NBC show.....but this scene is reminding me, intensely and unpleasantly, of that.

That show made Will Graham way too unstable and mentally ill as it is...and Clarice’s character is a hell of a lot stronger than book!Will, never mind NBC!Will. So having Clarice hallucinate and lash out in similar ways feels really OOC.

“Maybe your perceptions aren’t as solid as you think.” Yay, gaslighting. As if Clarice doesn’t face enough obstacles in the books.

I’ve always interpreted Ardelia as a bit of a neat freak, so that was a nice scene with the boxes!

Were most politicians wearing American flag pins in the early 90s? That feels way too modern. (iirc it became the “norm” only after 9/11.)

“Imagine someone field-dressing one of [your daughters] like a deer.” I’m getting strong and very unwelcome NBC vibes again. Stop it, show!

More gaslighting, but this time from the suspect.

“Well, I’m Army, so I’m actually a good shot.” For some reason this feels like shade at ex-Marine John Brigham even though he doesn’t exist in this show, and I’m offended on his behalf.

Speaking of, when is Clarice’s sharpshooting talent going to come up??

Krendler’s supporting Clarice? Saying she has a good idea???? WHO IS THIS GUY?!

The implication here is that...the president will fire AG Martin over bad press...? Or what?

What I’m getting from this: this Krendler is just some guy who hapens to have the same name, not the infamous King Scumbag we know and love to hate. (And those clothes...1993, where are you?!?)

Ardelia called her “Starling”! Though it was tongue-in-cheek.

“I’m aware I have the palate of an eight-year-old.” Somewhere, Hannibal is dying inside. (Hmm...wasn’t she about eight when her father was killed?)

This line/delivery was super cute!

But being unable to cook doesn’t necessarily mean you have unsophisticated tastes...

Is Catherine going to have any kind of personality? Beyond “is traumatized”?

And where is Catherine’s cat???

“It’s from the 50s.” “I’m from the 50s! ...I still work.” Cuuute.

Her sheepish little smile when the Baltimore cop tells her they’re “big fans” of hers...I would die for this girl, folks.

Hey, remember phone books?! And a nice nod to Ardelia being the bookish one of the pair.

Another homage to Silence’s cinematography (but this time she’s the reflection).

Krendler’s back in Asshole Boss mode again. Make up your minds.

Thanks, I still hate it!

Okay, yes Clarice has a temper! And she does act “impulsively” re: Krendler in Hannibal...at the END of her by-then failed career. But a fledgling female agent who’s already viewed as a kind of “loose cannon” could NOT afford to chuck a mug full of coffee at her boss (with whom she’s already butting heads/struggling to coexist) when she’s upset! Very unprofessional and unlike Clarice.

“You think I’m the one who wants to play politics?” In Hannibal, Krendler wants to run for Congress, so...yeah, I do.

Krendler wouldn’t be wrong to send Clarice home after that, tbh.

“He thinks I’m the weak link.” “You might be.” *angry noises*

Busting through doors while armed: Just Clarice Things

Krendler telling Clarice she was right...his characterization’s giving me whiplash.

Catherine’s not an actual character so far, and it’s sad.

Glad they’re acknowledging that AG Martin’s “field-dressing” comments were incredibly bad.

“I think I have some memories I need to look at...but not with you.” Oh! Oh! I know who she’s going to look at them with! ;)

“You’re trying to gaslight me, sir.” Not sure they would’ve used that term as commonly in the early 90s, though Clarice has a therapy license, so maybe?

But also: yes! CALL! HIM! OUT!

“I wish you luck finding someone who’s better at it than I am.” *shrieks* That is a Hannibal reference, and I’ll fight anyone who says it isn’t.

I’ve liked all these episodes more than my nit-picking might suggest, I swear. I enjoyed the middle half hour or so of this one a lot! It’s got a few charming little funny moments that I particularly appreciated. 

That said... This was, as a whole, probably Rebecca Breeds’ weakest showing to date (through no fault of her own). And I’m getting a little antsy about (lack of) character development. I’m on board with exploring Ardelia and Catherine Martin in greater depth...but Ruth Martin, too--even Krendler? And seemingly at the expense of Clarice’s own character?

What do the non-book readers in the audience really know about Clarice so far beyond what’s shown in Silence? (Some early interviews emphasized that the film didn’t have time to delve into Clarice’s character intimately. What has the show done to remedy that so far...?) She likes junk food, she has a brother...I can’t think of much else off the top of my head. Not to be a broken record, but there’s more to Clarice than childhood trauma. More than her career. If this show is genuinely about her--well, by episode 3 and 4, it’s high time for them to start exploring who she is beyond those things.

Clarice is a sharpshooter who competes and wins. She’s a runner. She loves horses and muscle cars. She has a therapy license. She graduated at the top of her large undergraduate class. She’s interested in fashion (though she probably doesn’t let on about that to many people). I haven’t seen any of that so far, and it’s beginning to make me sad. 

They also need to end the “Clarice is mentally/emotionally unstable and sometimes even hallucinates” subplot right now!

I’m dropping all my expectations for this Paul Krendler. They won’t commit to making him as intolerable and awful as he was in the books. Instead, we have an OC with a canonical name. Fine. But that choice is going to be awkward if the show goes forward and they, by some miracle, get rights to Hannibal’s character...

If Catherine Martin’s sticking around, I hope to God they give her a personality. Of course she’s suffering, and no, I don’t want them to belittle that--but right now, she’s coming across as a one-dimensional caricature of a victim rather than as a sympathetic real person.

And finally...where is my 90s aesthetic?! It’s one of the elements that I was most excited about, yet it’s barely present. Some of the tech and the cars look right. A lot of the clothes and hairstyles, though, leave much to be desired. (Clarice’s wardrobe is especially boring/disappointing so far. I was looking forward to an improvement on Jodie’s movie costumes! Clarice doesn’t have to dress just like Dana Scully--but at least Scully always looked straight out of 199x.) And there are little anachronistic things that take me right out of the early 90s.

I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it. It wasn’t as exciting or as full of novel/film allusions as the first two (I guess they can’t all be). It also felt unfocused when it came to the characters, ultimately developing almost none of them, including the heroine. This is the episode I think I’m least likely to rewatch of the first three. 

I’m hoping for better from #4!

[courtingstars]

Notes for The Vanishing Prince: Chapter Nine

Yay, Chapter Nine is finally posted! As I mentioned over on Ao3, I’ve been looking forward to sharing this one for a loooong time. I don’t have much to share in the way of cultural notes, but I still had some pretty big things I wanted to talk about… Like info about the mental health topics from the therapy scene, plus a ton of rambling about things I’ve been researching and/or planning for a while. So if that’s something you’re interested in, well… enjoy? //laughs

As always, I updated the Pinterest inspiration board with images inspired by the new chapter. (I actually did that last month, which was when I originally intended to post the chapter before my schedule fell apart… So anyone who was checking the board during that time got an accidental sneak peak of what was coming next. Oops? ^^;) You can check the board out here.

And with that, on to the notes!

Cut for a writer babbling on and on about mental health research, references to earlier events in the series, and also violins (!!) …

Akashi’s Childhood Friendships

So the first scene of Chapter Nine features a headcanon of mine that has been popping up throughout the series… Which is that when Akashi started going to school, he attended a private elementary school that mainly catered to elite, wealthy families and their children. He was generally encouraged to spend time with his classmates, rather than seeking friends elsewhere, and he never made any close friends from a different social “class” until he started going to Teikou. (Which he joined specifically because he asked his mother if he could go somewhere that was different from his elementary school.)

As this chapter reveals, he never told his father about the friends he ended up making through basketball, because of the values he was modeled earlier in life. This was actually brought up alllll the way back in The Fast Train to Kyoto. (Though it was pretty vague!) In fact, Akashi referenced it in the very first scene:

Maybe it was the echoes of his father’s voice inside his head, just another series of frosty words he ached to forget:

“It is not for an Akashi to associate with just anyone. Your time is valuable, Seijuurou, and so is your reputation. See that you don’t waste it, on trivial pursuits, or persons unworthy of your stature.”

Akashi cringed. ‘Persons unworthy of his stature? What a ridiculous idea. Everyone he had ever known who had made his life worthwhile, had no particular wealth or rank to speak of. (With the crucial exception of his mother.) He had long ago discarded this principle of his father’s as nonsense.

I also explained the backstory with his elementary school and his struggle to make friends in a lot more detail in Chapter Three of Fast Train. (As well as why he decided to go to Teikou, and how he started making friends there, particularly Midorima.)

That aspect of his childhood turned out to be pretty important in the series, so I thought it was worth mentioning that Akashi did talk about it before… Especially since those early values still affect how he sees his friendships, plus it’s one of the reasons why he’s been trying to keep those friends as separate from his home life as possible. (Until Furihata came along and wanted to sleep over at his house, and he just couldn’t say no to his BFF, apparently? //laughs)

Attachment Theory, Disorganized Attachment, and Dissociation

So, uh… I’m not qualified to talk about any of this, like, at all. //laughs That being said, I’ll start with a big disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, or an expert about this subject in any way whatsoever. So if anything I say doesn’t make sense or I get any of the details wrong, I sincerely apologize in advance! This is just based on the research I’ve done and some first-person accounts I’ve read over the years. As a non-expert, I find a lot of psychology theory to be difficult to research in general… Since a lot of the science is still being studied and verified, and things are becoming outdated all the time.

Okay, so with all that being said… In this chapter, Akashi’s psychiatrist brings up a theory in psychology called attachment theory. If you’d like to learn the basics of how it started, the Wikipedia article has a decent overview of the initial studies. Basically, the theory has to do with the idea that children bond with their primary caregiver (stereotypically the mother, but it doesn’t have to be) either successfully or unsuccessfully, based on how the caregiver responds to the child’s needs. A child who bonds with their caregiver in a healthy, successful way is said to be “securely” attached, while an unhealthy bond is an “insecure attachment.”

From there, it gets more complicated… There are a few different types/forms of insecure attachment, and these types can be classified in different ways, depending on the study. (There’s also something called “attachment style,” which from what I can tell is an idea inspired by attachment theory, that adults will have a general style of bonding that originates from their main caregiver bond in childhood. This idea is often used to help adults work through issues in their adult relationships.) For example, there’s generally an “anxious” form of attachment where the child is overly scared and tends to cling to their caregiver if they try to leave, out of fear that they won’t get the care they need. Then there’s an “avoidant” type where the child tends to push the caregiver away or ignore them, and can seem very apathetic and independent. (Even though they’re actually just as scared on the inside of not being cared for as an “anxious” child.)

As you can imagine, there are a lot of theories about why this happens, and what exactly in the caregiving process could contribute to it. What’s more, some children display both anxiety and avoidance… A form of this is called “disorganized attachment.” As Akashi’s psychiatrist explains, this describes a behavioral pattern where the child clings to their caregiver AND pushes them away, sometimes very close together. This style seems to often develop when the child has been through some kind of early trauma, often severe abuse or neglect. It also seems to be prevalent among people with dissociation disorders, which isn’t surprising, given the common thread of childhood trauma between the two. You can read more about that in this article here.

Actually, I first learned about disorganized attachment—and attachment in general—when I was reading a blog many years ago that was written by someone chronicling their experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder. As I researched the subject in more detail, I came across a few explanations about how children with this attachment style tend to act very confused and distressed around their caregivers, and I found the descriptions really sad… It helped me begin to better understand some of the difficulties that these children go through, and how it affects their minds when they’re still developing. It’s not hard to imagine how a child who longs to be taken care of but also has painful experiences of being denied that care (for whatever reason) can really struggle with trying to make sense of their reality and survive it on an emotional level. And that struggle causes lasting damage.

It’s important to note, though, that some psychologists will caution against assuming that a child’s attachment to their primary caregiver always dictates how they will attach to other people in their life, or in their future relationships. Also, there’s some evidence that children may struggle with attachment issues not just because of the actions of their caregiver, but also due to their own personality/ genetic predispositions. You can read more about both of these topics here.

Way back when I started planning this series, and deciding how to portray Akashi’s backstory, I found myself returning over and over to the concept of disorganized attachment… I wasn’t sure if it would make it into the fic directly, and it’s certainly not the only thing that influenced my portrayal of Akashi’s mental health. But it was definitely something I had in mind from the start, and helped shape the series, so I’m glad that I did end up referencing it in some detail.

The Akashi Family Servants

Since I just introduced the housekeeper, now seems as good a time as any to mention this… Originally, I didn’t plan for the servants who work for the Akashi family to have roles in the series at all? XD Takeda is the only one who’s mentioned in The Fast Train to Kyoto, and he doesn’t have a name. (I refer to him as either Akashi’s “driver” or “valet” depending on what he’s doing… This was actually before I’d decided that Takeda is the one who drives Akashi around when he’s in Kyoto. OTL) Then I mentioned several of the servants during Furihata’s visit in Storming the Castle… But almost no one gets a real introduction? Except for the butler, Ginhara. //laughs

One reason why I took so long to give them names/describe them is that I try to mostly stick to writing about canon characters in fics, instead of creating a ton of OCs. (I consider the families of the KnB characters to be canon, since they’re in the fanbooks. XD) But I enjoy coming up with minor characters, if it feels like a good fit for the story! Still, you can really tell that I didn’t know I would end up using these characters as much as I did, because their names are alllll over the place… Especially Takeda, which is roughly the Japanese equivalent of naming a character Mr. Smith or something? (LOL.) For a while I really regretted that I didn’t come up with a more interesting name for him, since he ended up being in this series CONSTANTLY. Also, I recently received this incredible comment on Chapter 5 of The Fast Train to Kyoto and it’s one of my all-time FAVORITES:

“Yo the drivers probs just sitting in the front like

Mmm this tea is piping hot”

(And they signed their name Yeet too, omgggg XDD)

… So yeah, I have decided this is totally Takeda’s reaction, to Akashi and Furihata’s whole “friend breakup” in the rain in the first story. //laughs

That said, I kind of love that Takeda has such a generic name now? Especially after he showed up at Seirin in sunglasses in this chapter. (Like maybe Takeda isn’t even his real name, because he actually had an exciting former life as a secret agent or something like that, and now he’s working for this super rich kid from a powerful family and maybe he’s actually hiding some epic skills so he can double as Akashi’s bodyguard if he needs to…? I DON’T KNOW, I HAVE WEIRD HEADCANONS.)

In any case, I enjoyed coming up with the characters for the Akashi family staff, even though it took a while! And I’m glad a few of them were able to play an interesting part in sneaking Akashi out of the house, so his dad wouldn’t find out about Furihata. (Though we don’t know what any of them think about that, or not yet, at least. XD) There will be at least one more member of the staff who gets an introduction, which should be coming soon. But for now, we’ve got:

Takeda, Akashi’s personal valet (and driver, sometimes)

Ginhara, the Akashi family butler and head of staff

Umagami Ichiro, Yukimaru’s groom

Inuyama, Akashi’s father’s personal valet

Hanamitsu Atsuko, housekeeper for the Akashi mansion in Tokyo

The Akashi family chef (name???)

(Plus some maids, who I also did not name)

… And as you can see, most of them still don’t have given names, even the ones with family names. That’s how disorganized I’ve been about this. //laughs

Also, I have a feeling no one was actually wondering (lol), but if you happen to remember this scene from Episode 63 in the Teikou arc in the anime:

In my headcanons, this guy is the head chauffeur for the Akashi family household, and he used to drive the whole family around. (Which would mean that he was also mentioned in The Fast Train to Kyoto, in a brief flashback about Akashi and his parents! Where he’s just “the driver.” XD) Now he mostly drives Akashi’s father to work, and sometimes chauffeurs Akashi as well, when he’s in Tokyo. (Whereas Takeda drives him around in Kyoto.) I briefly referred to him as Onoda in Chapter One of The Vanishing Prince, so… I guess that’s the name I came up with for him? //laughs

TL;DR… I’ve really enjoyed writing about the various characters who work for the Akashi family, and I had way more fun including them in the story than I expected. <3 (Maybe I should give in and post character sketches for all the OCs in this series sometime… That would be a project. XD)

Beliefs About Ghosts

I might go into this more in a future chapter, but I did want to briefly discuss how Reo talks to Furihata about ghosts, and how/why they haunt certain places… There are a LOT of different beliefs all over the world about whether ghosts are real, and why they appear. There are also lots of theories about whether they need the help of living humans to pass on or not.

For this fic, I tried to include some of the most common beliefs in Reo’s response, including the “revenge” ghost stories that are super common in Japanese folklore. But it’s not a comprehensive explanation by any means, and there are a lot of people who believe in ghosts and spirits but wouldn’t agree with the ideas Reo mentioned. (Basically, I had to pick among a bunch of different supernatural ideas about ghosts for the fic, and these are some of the ones I chose to include? But that’s not to say that they’re representative of my own beliefs, or of every Japanese person who believes in ghosts, either!)

The Akashi Family Curse (…?)

So I know some readers have been discussing this and making predictions about it in the comments for a while now… And while I don’t want to spoil anything about where the story is going, I’m really excited that I finally got to reveal another piece of the legend/rumors about the Akashi family curse:

Furihata’s mouth dropped open. It never occurred to him that some people might still think that the Akashis were cursed, centuries later. Or that these rumors were somehow connected to their catlike eyes. Was that maybe even how the peasants in the legend came up with the curse in the first place? Were they just creeped out, by this super-rare genetic thing that ran in the family?

Or… could it be true? Could the Akashi family really be cursed?

I can’t remember if anyone specifically connected the dots about the legend being connected to the “catlike” eyes or not… But if you saw this coming, YES YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT AND I AM IMPRESSED. <333

As for what the legend/rumors say about how the curse works, and whether or not it’s actually real… I guess I shouldn’t go into that just yet, for the sake of spoilers. XD But hopefully you can have fun guessing for now! And I’m glad I can finally point to the connection between the idea of a family curse and the “catlike eyes” to explain why I kept including so many passages like this one:

He and Akashi were walking through another long passageway. This one was lined with life-sized portraits—and oddly enough, Furihata recognized some of the faces. He had seen them in paintings in the Tokyo house.

“Are these your relatives?” he asked. They didn’t resemble Akashi very much. But a few did have the same unusual, catlike pupils.

Akashi nodded, as he glanced up at the huge frames. “They led the family, several generations ago. This one was my great-great-great-great-great grandfather.”

He gestured to the largest painting. The steel-haired man in the portrait wore a piercing frown. Even his posture was severe, somehow.

… Yeah, there are a BUNCH of descriptions in A Spark of Light of portraits of Akashi’s relatives, and how some of them have the same eyes as him. Also, as I’m sure a lot of people noticed, I mention Akashi’s eyes A LOT throughout the series. And this is one of the reasons why I wanted to emphasize it so much. XD

(Well, okay and also like a lot of fic writers, I enjoy pretty descriptions about eyes. XD BUT I WOULD’VE TRIED TO CUT MORE OF THEM IF IT WASN’T SUCH AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT… Or so I’ll claim, anyway. //laughs)

And Finally… THE VIOLIN

Ahhh I’m so happy I finally got to post this scene! I’ve been saving the moment of Akashi playing his violin for Furihata for a loooong time… I foreshadowed it briefly back in Storming the Castle, when Furihata notices Akashi’s violin case sitting in his study. But I got the idea for this scene even earlier… All the way back when I drafted that part in The Fast Train to Kyoto, where Akashi plays his violin after he writes to Furihata to tell him they can’t be friends. (YES. IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG.)

So, yeah… I had no idea know how long it would take to get there, but I definitely knew that Akashi would have to play his violin for Furihata at some point. And I wanted it to be a Really Big Moment in their romantic arc. So I did the best I could with it. (Because, I mean… How could I NOT include a scene where Akashi plays the violin for Furihata? That just had to happen, come on. //laughs)

As I mentioned over on Ao3, I do have my own idea about which piece Akashi plays for Furi… I might even mention it directly in the next chapter, but I’m not sure yet? (Either way, if you have a piece that you’d like to imagine him playing instead, you have my blessing. xD I tried to write it in such a way that he could be playing a lot of different songs!) So here was my thought process on that…

I figured Akashi would probably decide to play something on the simple side for Furihata, rather than anything too technical/demanding on the ear. I also realized that he was probably thinking that Furihata would like a sweet, romantic sort of song, because of this scene from Storming the Castle:

“Oh, r-right.” Furihata let go of the flower. He managed a laugh. “Sorry. I’m being weird, huh?”

“I just never realized you had such an interest in roses,” Akashi said, with a hint of humor. “But it shouldn’t surprise me, really.”

Furihata didn’t follow. “Why’s that?”

The edge of Akashi’s mouth dimpled. “Well, you are a romantic, after all.”

And that was when I realized… ROSES. Like, what if the piece had to do with roses, because Akashi was remembering that conversation about Furihata’s romantic side that they had in his rose garden…? So in my head, Akashi plays a version of The Last Rose of Summer, which is this really sweet, old Irish song that was later set to a poem of that name, written by Thomas Moore. It’s an easier piece to play, so it’s a little difficult to find a nice version of it by a professional violinist. But I did find this arrangement that is SUPER old-fashioned and adorable:

And my personal favorite version with strings that I found (and linked first on Ao3) is probably this one. Though I believe the violin doesn’t start until around a minute and a half into the recording?

(My sister and I thought the first soloist *might* be a viola… Apologies if we’re wrong though!! We took band a thousand years ago in high school but didn’t play in an orchestra, so we’re basically clueless about anything with strings. XD)

Anyway, I just thought that the song would be fitting because of the whole “bonding over roses” connection to Storming the Castle, and the fact that they’re still on summer vacation in this story… Plus the words of the poem are kind of the most Oreshi thing I’ve ever heard??? It’s REALLY sad, but also all about friendship. You can hear how it’s sung and see the complete lyrics in this version by Charlotte Church if you’d like (again, the song starts at around 1:30), but I’ll also include the beginning and end of the poem here:

Tis the last rose of summer,

Left blooming alone,

All her lovely companions

Are faded and gone.

…

So soon may I follow

When friendships decay;

And from love's shining circle

The gems drop away

When true hearts lie wither'd

And fond ones are flow'n

Oh! Who would inhabit

This bleak world alone?

… TELL ME THAT’S NOT AN ORESHI KIND OF POEM. It’s all about friendship and being afraid of being alone, and I just… gahhhh. T_____T

Also, you might have noticed that the versions I linked don’t have any parts where the soloist plucks the violin strings, which I described Akashi doing at one point… That’s because I like to think that in between playing a simpler version, Akashi also slips into a few sections of Variations on the Last Rose of Summer by Ernst, which you can see the violinist Midori playing here. (Unlike the other versions I linked, this is one of the hardest pieces ever written for violin, period… Apparently it’s so difficult that many top-tier professionals won’t even play it in front of a crowd! So for those of you who want to picture him playing something more badass, I’ve got you covered. XD)

(And while we’re still on the subject of different versions… My all-time favorite when it comes to different instruments playing The Last Rose of Summer has got to be this one. BECAUSE IT’S A KOTO, LIKE OMGGGG YES. Honestly, if my series had a sound, I’d like to think that it would be this…? Because roses and traditional Japanese instruments, that’s why. //laughs)

Also, I’m not sure whether anyone was curious about this part of the scene:

Akashi chuckled as he unlatched the case. Resting on a bed of crimson silk was a delicately carved violin. Furihata didn’t know how to tell if an instrument was well made, but he was pretty sure that this one had to be.

So I do indeed headcanon that Akashi would have a really nice violin… For those who might not know, violins can be EXTREMELY expensive, most notably at the professional and soloist quality levels. As in, the famous Stradivarius violins are valued at $10 million or MORE, for example. XD Though I personally tend to think that Akashi probably wouldn’t play a Strad himself… He’d have too much reverence for the instrument for that. //laughs (Although I wouldn’t be surprised if his family owns a Stradivarius and lends it out to some world-famous soloist… Which is apparently how it works in real life, by the way!) But I still imagine that his violin would be a super fancy one, maybe somewhere in the $100k range or something? (And now I’m just imagining Furihata finding that out and freaking out, lol.)

And last but not least, since I’m already rambling a lot, I would like to credit a new favorite YouTube channel of mine that I discovered while writing the violin scene… I really wanted to make sure that I described the violin playing correctly, because like I mentioned, I understand nothing about stringed instruments whatsoever. (I was a very mediocre flute player, once upon a time. //laughs)

So while I was hunting for references, I stumbled across TwoSet Violin, and OMG THEY ARE THE COOLEST CHANNEL EVER. I’d recommend them to literally everyone, even if you don’t play the violin or have any interest in classical music! They’re two professional violinists from Australia who make tons of super-entertaining content, like analyzing the way actors pretend to play instruments in movies and Chinese dramas, or trying to play the cheapest violin they can buy on Amazon. And it’s FANTASTIC. XD They’re super skilled and funny, and they even inspired me to listen to classical music again, so yeah, I can’t recommend them enough. <3

Well, this post turned out a lot longer than I expected…? //laughs In any case, I hope it was interesting, and thank you for reading! And as I said over on Ao3, thank you again to all of my lovely readers for your patience, especially while I dealt with my grandmother’s passing. I have the next chapter of the fic drafted, just like last time, but it does have some issues so I’m not sure how long it will take to edit. (Hopefully less time than this one did. OTL) I’ll definitely do my best to post it as soon as I can. In the meantime, I really hope everyone is staying safe, and see you then!

[finleyjayne]

Break A Leg

 {Chapter 1: Auditions}

Summary: After your accident, everything in your life changed. Your shared dream of being on Broadway with your best friend, Amanda, was over. But just because YOU don’t think you want the same things in life doesn’t mean that your friend won’t see through you. Taking matters into her own hands, you end up at an audition you’re sure that you’ll fail since SHIELD Theater Company is known the world over for typecasting. And you don’t fit any of your typical actress types. Little do you know that the company’s new writer - nihilistic, pessimistic, and resident drunk; Bucky Barnes- is looking for someone out of their normal choices.

Characters: Female Reader, OFC Best Friend, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes, and all your other favorite Marvel Characters, hopefully in the long run it will end with a Bucky Barnes/Reader ship.

Series Warnings: Guys, this is based on my own experiences within the Acting community after gaining weight and height after an accident. There will be fat-shaming, mentions of eating disorders, unhealthy expectations, unhealthy coping mechanisms, also like bias based on looks.

A/N:this originally was inspired by @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ s follower celebration challenge. I was given the opportunity to use the text prompt “No fucks given, Next please.” Thank you Star! Thank you Thank you. Also a big thanks to the lovely @cavillanche​ for giving me a gentle nudge to write for myself and for being an amazing sounding board.

"Come oooooon, Y/N. I don't care if you don't want to go out. I haven't seen you in what feels like literal months. That's saying something since you know we LIVE together. I won't take no as an answer." Your best friend, Amanda, said as she flopped on top of you. 

Amanda burst into your bedroom this morning at way-to-fucking-early o'clock in the morning, on a warpath to get you to come out with her. It didn't matter to her that you were finally getting some sleep after working all-nighters for the last week. There was no way to ignore her either, her sunny personality and eager persistence would cause you to roll over in your grave if she wanted you to.

With a groan, you smothered your complaints behind a gasping wheeze. "Kay, Manda, where are we going?"

 She rolled off of you with a high-pitched squeal and used the momentum to pull you out of bed. "Yay! I have so much planned. I was talking to my manager about how well we used to work as a pair on stage. I may have mentioned how much I would kill to be the Penny to your Tracy. Or the Meg to your Christine. The Judy to your Betty. The Glinda to your Elphaba." Her words started to fade into background noise as she milled on about the parts you had once wanted to play together.

  The dream used to be that you both would move here, to New York, and play in all of the big theaters on Broadway together. Sadly, your broadway dreams were not as much of a reality as Amanda's were. And you were okay with that. You were thrilled for Amanda. Living vicariously through your best friend, helping her prepare for her shows while working as a Math tutor and Accountant for a local firm. 

   It didn't help that you weren't necessarily what people consider the typical standard of beauty. Standing just under six feet tall, a little plushy about the middle, and some nasty scar tissue leaving one of your legs in a constant state of ghostly paleness. Not that people notice since you tend to find yourself just as pale as the damaged tissue. After so many failed auditions, you figured your best life was lived outside of the theater. You were happy, and honestly, you are kinda glad that you are where you are.  

 "....So hurry up, I'll pick your outfit, we have an appointment with Rijah in half an hour." Amanda finished pushing you into the little cubical shower. When did she turn it on? Where are we going? Needless to say, you did what she asked and stuffed down your confusion, focusing on waking up more before you accompanied her to yet another one of her 'private' lessons with your pianist friend.

Thirty minutes later, you were dressed, primped, polished, and not all that much more awake. Amanda stuffed a binder of music into your hand as Elijah spread his copy over the lip of his pristinely kept upright. "You know this song, I think it will be perfect. A little overplayed, but with a fresh interpretation, they'll overlook it. All you have to do is sing. They are bound to cast you. I've worked with them before, and Director Rogers values skill over appearances. So we'll show them your ability, and he'll love you."

Looking at your rambling best friend, Your confusion amplifies. Your jaw cracks as you don't even try to stifle another yawn. You rub your eyes, not questioning her pushiness. "Uuuuhhhhh, okay?" You scan through the score, making note of the cut before looking to the triangular-shaped man sitting on the piano bench. Since you had already been taken through the typical vocal warm-ups by Amanda while she played dress up this morning. You smile at your expectant friend/accompanist. "Will you give me a playthrough with the melody line in it as a refresher, please, Rijah, Repeat, and I'll join you?" 

"Of course," He said sweetly with a nod, turning to the keys and playing. Quietly you hummed along, mentally noting which registers each phrase should be sung in. Where the notes would be stretched, what you would use to your advantage. The accompaniment was simple, repeated strummed chords like most modern musical use. It gives freedom rhythmically when it comes to melodies. You could have fun with the piece. Smiling to yourself, you open your mouth and join the simplified accompaniment on the repeat. 

When the second run-through finishes with a very extravagant arpeggiation. There is a moment of complete stillness as the resonance leaves the space. You are high on the feelings of intense emotion and absolute peace, yet somehow buzzing with unlocked energy. You miss this feeling, of connection with everything and nothing, The feeling of knowing that you did something right, it's heady, and it drives you to ask yourself why you ever stopped performing for a brief second. Amanda was always saying that she would drag you to an audition one of these days if you didn't get over yourself.

 You are knocked out of your musical high by Amanda's enthusiastic clapping. Elijah looks at you with a smirk, opens his mouth, and is swiftly cut off by your friend. "God, Y/N. They won't be able to stop themselves as soon as you open your mouth!" You smile at her very biased opinions. Before she can get any crazy ideas like dragging me along to more than just her sessions with Elijah, you place the binder the music into her hands, "Why don't we go over Take me or leave me? After all, this is your rehearsal time, I'm just here to help you."

Amanda gives you a devious smirk as she nods. "Sure. You heard the woman, 'Rijah." She sends him a sly wink that you are too tired to really read much into. He just nods with a conspiratory smile and spreads the music for the RENT song over the previous. 

"Whenever you are ready, ladies," He says when he's ready. Sighing internally, you place yourself back into your 'supportive friend' role, playing out the simplified blocking of Amanda's latest show. 

Before you even fully realize it, your hour with 'Rijah was over, and Amanda was pulling you into a nearby taxi to your next destination. "If you don't let me at least have a coffee, I will not be held accountable for my actions, Woman." You warn your best friend as you eye her. You were starting to worry that you would need to be more awake for whatever plans she had for the rest of the day, You were now to the point where you could see her scheming something, but were still too out of it to figure out what it was. 

She looked at you, trying to hide behind her mask of sickeningly-sweet innocence. I knew this look and all that it implied, and it worked to shake me into a slight panic of what she was walking me into. "I don't know what you mean, Y/N. I told you where we were going this morning, I promise this is the last stop before we can go home and you can sleep the rest of the night away. But if things go as I hope, we may have a repeat of this occasion sooner rather than later." The taxi pulls up at a building with a line heading out the door and around the corner. 

That's when it hits you; That promise that Amanda had made to you all those months ago about dragging you to an audition wasn't just one of those 'get moving your ass, or I'll move it for you' speeches to get you out of bed, she was going to do it. No, she wasn't going to do anything. Amanda had already done it. She had gotten you into an audition. 

You were suddenly wide awake. The knowledge that you were at an NYC Broadway audition, with your best friend hitting you like Celie's babies being alive in The Color Purple. It is unexpected but brought with it such excitement and fear all at once. You grasped onto Amanda's arm. "Amanda Jenivive Brendon, if this is some kind of joke, I don't know if I can forgive you. Please say this is not some kind of joke." The words are a desperate snarl. The hope pressing against your chest mixed with the fear that you jumped to incorrect conclusions was absolutely unbearable.

Amanda lets out a loving laugh before playfully scowling at you. "You really haven't been listening to a single thing I've said to you all day, have you?" The accusation was slightly bitter, but you knew she was laughing on the inside.

You squeeze her arm as your panic escalates. What am I going to do? How am I going to do this? What if they don't accept me just because of how I look? Shit, what am I going to do about a resume? Your vision blurs as you watch your best friend take your hand, leading you into the building past the line of girls and down a hallway to a dance studio styled room. 

She leads you to a table set before the long wall of mirrors where a cute little redhead sits. Taking out a binder and handing her two sets of papers, "Hey Wanda, It's good to see you. Is it standard issue today?" 

With a bright smile, Wanda accepts the papers. "Sure is Amanda, Do you need a copy of the company notes, or do you still know them by heart?" 

 Amanda chuckles before shaking her head, "I don't need a set, but you probably should give one to Y/N here, She could use the distraction of going through all the legal jargon while we wait."

Wanda's eyes grew wide as she turned to face you. "Y/N? As in 'shower singer Y/N'? Oh my Atlanta, Buck is going to lose his shit!" She jumps up and claps her hands. "I gotta go tell them!"  

Amanda's hand snaps out to stop the woman from leaving. "Hey, none of that. I want to see their surprise when they hear her, especially after Tony's last casting rant."  

Wanda immediately calms, her face splitting into a devious smirk. "OOOOooo, you are evil. I love it. Want me to film it for you?"

 "It's like you read my mind," Amanda says, turning to see your expression of confusion. "Y/N, hey, Y/N/N? You in there?" She snaps her fingers lightly in your face. "Come on, girl. Wanda here is the Stage Manager for the SHIELD Theater Company."  

"Wait, what?" Your voice cracks as your heart hammers even harder into your ribs. SHIELD Theater Company was one of the prominent troupes in New York. They were world-famous, they were the equivalent to The Royal Shakespeare Company in America. Were you at an audition for them? I thought you had to be part of a Union to even be considered for an audition with them!  

"Really, Y/N? Still not paying attention? Come on, let's take a seat, stretch a bit. before they put us through our paces." Her eyes are bright with amusement as she sticks your number on the left side of your dress.

"I'm sorry? In my defense, I have had a total of 8 hours of sleep in the last week. So not the point, though!" You follow her to a set of chairs in the room. At her reproachful glare, when your voice breaches into a louder panicked screech, you take a few breaths before continuing in a harried whisper. " I mean, how am I even here? I am not Unionized, I haven't paid my dues for months! I don't have-" Your internal concerns continue to pour out of your mouth as Amanda slams her palm over your mouth. 

 "Hey, take a deep breath for me, Y/N. I need you to stay conscious... maybe I should have gotten you a coffee before we came, but you always complain that it makes your vocals all gummy." You rip her hand off of your mouth, eyes flashing with annoyance.

"Hey, you're the one who woke me from my first decent sleep this week, you can't really blame me for being a little lack-of-sleep drunk. And Coffee does make me phlegmy, but, again, that is not the point. The point is now that I know what you've set up, how can it be possible?" You whisper scream at the aggravatingly calm Amanda.

 She rolled her eyes, "Well, I told you I was going to make our dreams come true, and I have had enough of your lame excuses about how you don't want to get back on the horse. But I saw you today. You WANT to be here. I've seen your secret tears when you go over our old cast photos. I hear you belting in the shower, so I've taken it upon myself to continue paying your dues to the AEA, and cashed in a favor with my agent to sign both of us up for this particular call."

 Before you could make a rebuttal, seven people walked into the room that had slowly filled with fifty or so women while you were distracted. A short brunette plants himself in the center of the mirrored wall as the others take seats next to Wanda behind the white foldable table.

 "Welcome, ladies, It is inspiring to see all of your beautiful faces. Before we start, I wanted to say a few words. First, thank you for taking the time to come and audition with us today.

"As you know, we only hold one set of auditions for the full season and look at that, all of you have made the initial cut for this season. Now it's time for the fine-tuning. Just know that even if you don't make it into our troupe this year, it's nothing personal. We have a specific set of personalities and abilities that we are looking for. If you don't make it this year with us, don't be afraid to come back next season. 

"Now, to kick off this lovely party, let's have you line up, no particular order." The man smirks, and you gasp as you realize who the cocky man is: Tony Stark. You were being lined up for your first NYC cattle call by the eccentric, theatrical genius Tony Stark. You didn't know whether to be honored or terrified. He had a notorious reputation as a type-caster, and the only type he favored was the short, petite woman. FUCK. 

Amanda dragged you into the line as she plastered a knowing smile on her face, "Just remember, sing. if you open your mouth, let that beautiful song sing from your heart." 

"Sure, whatever you say," you reply to her whispered reassurances, holding your head up high as the legendary man started down the line."No, No, Yes, Yes, Yes, Sorry, Sure, Yes. Not this time, sweets. No, Sorry, Yes, Yes, Yes... " And so on until he reached Amanda. "Miss Brandon, nice to see you again. I look forward to hearing your choices today." 

"Same to you, Mr. Stark, and I look forward to showing you my progress from last year."

"Good, good" His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her for another few seconds before skipping over you entirely, "yes, yes, yes, No…"

Well, it looks like you made it through the first cut, Amanda drags you back to where you left your purse and Amanda's backpack. She shares a conspiratory glance with Wanda, who just rolls her eyes. "Take a deep breath, then they'll start pulling us up in small groups to rotate through our song choices."

 "Amanda, I'm pretty sure you voodooed Stark into overlooking me." Amanda just laughs.

"Sure, whatever you wanna tell yourself. I think it was just you being here, it's fate." Now it's your turn to roll your eyes at your friend's everlasting optimism.

Once Stark finishes going down the line, he takes his place back front and center. "Okay, ladies, now it's time for the fun bit. I'm sure you were all smart cookies and gave Wanda your music cuts along with your resumes, so now it's time to put those voices to work. We'll call you up in trios. Wanda will read out your name and call number, Thor will wait for you to count out a tempo before playing for you. Wanda?" Stark calls out the woman before taking his seat behind the table. 

Wanda smiles brightly, calling out the first three people as the Hulking blond man stands from the table and makes his way to the piano. Wow, I hope I don't mess this up. It's not just my ass on the line anymore. You are brought back out of your thoughts by a gentle tug on your arm. 

"Stop overthinking things, you'll do fine, Your resume is prime, your song choice is brilliant, and like they couldn't choose someone more theatre conscious if they had hired Idina Menzel." 

You shudder at the actress's name, "I would hope so, she's terrible."

"Yet she had been a mainstay in theater for years." 

"So what, just goes to show people don't necessarily want talent. They want beautiful mutants who can screech out songs without killing their vocal cords."

"Y/N, Shut the fuck up. You can do the same things, you may not sing in a scream like she can, but you know how to sing, you can dance- don't give me that look I caught you practicing your fouettes last week- and more importantly, you can connect. You connect in everything, you have so much to offer, and I know that once these people hear you, they will hire you. I know it."

You sigh, you weren't sure that everything she was saying was true, but you knew that she believed the words with all of her heart and didn't want to be the reason her hope died. So you just sighed in resignation before turning to the group that was in the midst of their auditions. They were outstanding, and the longer you went on, the more self-conscious of your own lack of preparation. Subconsciously you reached out to grab Amanda's hand and ended up clutching onto her dress front.  

"Amanda, Amanda, I don't deserve to be here." Your hushed whisper, dragging harsh against your throat. Your chest tightening, your panic acting as a hangman's noose. "Amanda, I don't know what I'm singing. Amanda, what is it from? What is the song's name? How will I slate if I don't even know the name of the song? Wait, what is MY name? " Your breath started to tear through your lungs, your sinuses stung with oncoming tears. 

"Y/N, take a breath, let go before you give everyone an unexpected flash." Amanda's whispered reply was almost biting in its directness. Even if you consciously didn't hear the words, her tone cut the noose from your neck. Your lungs immediately expanded with much-needed air, your fingers loosening their grip to let her replace the fabric with her own firm grip. "Good girl, now, Y/N, what is your name?"

"Uhhhhhh…" Even if you were calming down, your brain was still coming back to grips.

"The next three are as follows: Y/N Y/L/N, Amanda Brendon, and Savannah Moffat." Wanda's lyric call cut through the silence that had filled the studio while you were trying to remember your name. 

You stood automatically, all your years of auditioning kicked you into performance autopilot. Your shoulders take their place slightly back, head high, chest on display, the skirt of your dress flowing around your thighs as if they were the mist rolling over the valley at dawn. Your face hid the horror that was filling your mind, it didn't matter that you didn't remember the name of your song, you were Y/N Y/L/N. You could fake it till you make it to perfection. Amanda was right, all you have to do is sing, and they will see you. It doesn't matter if you don't look like you used to, you are still capable, and even if you don't make it, you can't say that you didn't try. Just remember what Doctor Ellis said, 'every audition is a performance, even if they don't choose you, you were able to perform.' You can do this. After all, you sang it this morning, you could see the sheet music just behind your eyelids when you close your eyes. Just keep breathing.

Amanda gave your hand a final squeeze as she recognized the look of horrified determination in your eyes. Smiling to herself as she saw the bored looks on the panelists' faces. She met eyes with Wanda, who gave her a smirk nudging the blond man sandwiched between her and Tony. Turning his attention to your regal appearance before Tony also decided to look up from whatever was so important on his phone. 

You opened your mouth to introduce yourself, and Tony's voice filled the space clearly, saying the words that had shattered your own will to find your auditions.

"I'm sorry I must have missed you before. There is no need for you to sing today, collect your things."

Your face fell into an imitation of a polite smile as your brain processed the rejection. Guess Amanda really did save me from being culled. Before you can say or do anything, though, the blond man sitting next to Tony spoke.

"Tony, you had your chance. Now it's my turn to decide whether or not she is cast. Now sit down." 

"No, it isn't too late, Steve. I bankroll this group I get to have a say. And I won't have someone who looks like her representing my Acting Company."

"You already had your say. Now sit down and let the girl sing."

"No," Stark turns from the blond man and back to you. "No fucks given, Next, please."

 CHAPTER TWO

[boleyn-falcon]

The Queens of the Castle Chapter 2

The queens board the plane to Orlando to truly begin their trip!

Chapter two       Cathy grabbed her navy blue backpack as the other queens grabbed all of their bags, ready to board their flight. The queens decided to use Virgin Atlantic since it had good prices and had many positive reviews. They also had the privilege of boarding before a lot of other groups because of Katherine and Anne’s severe anxiety, Cathrine’s bipolar, and her own OCD. They started to walk up the ramp Cathy’s stomach began to fill with dread. She had already tried to push away the anxiety but it came back and hit her like a truck. Cathy was thankful that she was in between Cathrine and Anne,her godmother and her best friend.The downside is that they might be bickering at least half of the 8 hour trip.           The group all sat down and got comfortable. Anne and Anna sat in window seats, Kathrine was in front of Cathy, and Jane was in front of Catherine. Cathy’s anxiety only got worse as the large plane started to fill with people. “ Are you sure you're okay Cath? Your startin’ to look kinda pale” Anne asked with a worried tone as she started to get comfortable. Cathy could only nod in response as she sunk down in her small seat. Anne, not giving up and still wanting to help her friend keeps trying, “ well if you're worried about what i think you are, I’m scared of this whole flying thing too, its kinda unsettling so i get how you feel.” The blue clad queen could only stare in response to her friend’s comfort and acknowledgement,she just slightly nodded in response.     Meanwhile in the seats in front of them, Jane was buzzing with excitement while in the seat next to her Kat was starting to get slightly anxious, holding onto Bucky tightly. Anna, noticing her friend’s anxiety, reached into Kitty’s bag to pull out Wolfie, Kitty’s stuffed white dog. “ Here ya go Katze, I bet both of your little friends would love to watch the take off with you” she said with a warm smile.        Kathrine took Wolfie in her arms and began to slightly calm down with both stuffed animals in her arms.  The plane’s doors began to close as everyone in the plane had finally gotten settled and the stewardess in the front began to try and quiet people down. As she is doing this the small screens in front of them all began to light up. The screens started to display a small cartoon that started to play as the plane finally got silent. The cartoon shown was detailing plane safety and what to do in emergencies on the plane. When the video started talking about oxygen masks all the queens began to get slightly nervous, but not as nervous as Cathy. But the line was drawn when the video started talking about what to do in the situation of the plane going into the water, this is where surprisingly Anne started to panic. None of the other queens knew but, Anne had no idea how to swim and was terrified of the deep ocean water. Anne tried to keep her composure as the video continued.         Finally the video and demonstration was over, the pilot announced that they would soon be taking off and to fasten your seatbelts and to not get on till the plane was smoothly flying over the Atlantic. Soon the flight attendants came around with menus and started asking if people wanted any kind of beverages. “Can I have a Soda?” Kitty asked excitedly as she was handed her preferred drink. As soon as the woman turned to Anna, the german queen said loudly, “ ay can i have some Wine?” the attendant hesitantly grabbed a miniature bottle of red wine and handed it over. “ I don't know if you should drink much Anna, it may not be the best decision..” Jane said softly, Anna shook her head, “ Don’t worry Janey, they will only give me one, that's why i'm gonna have Anne get one to give to me!”, she said half jokingly.          Back to the trio behind them Cathy sat quietly, at least till the Stewardess came by to ask for drink orders. Before the woman could even ask any of them what they wanted, Anne coughed to get her attention. “Could you be a dear and get me a Coke, thank you”, Anne asked with a light flutter of her eyelashes, “Anne i swear these lovely women are not your ladies in waiting so don't even start!” The stewardess handed Anne her Coke and Cathrine a bottle of water as the younger queen gave a mock offended look to the spanish queen. Cathy couldn't shake her fears no matter how hard she tried so she just tried to distract herself with her new book the best she could. That is until the plane started to move and turn that is.             Cathy’s breathing started to quicken slightly as she looked out the small window to the right of Anne to see the plane moving back from the terminal. She was a little startled to feel a hand on her shoulder to see Cathrine giving her a caring look across her face. “Don't worry mi hija, you will be okay just sit back and relax okay?”, Cathy gave a small nod and a smile as she sat back and went back to her book. The plane had finally made its way to the runway and began to speed up. As the plane gained speed and got closer to leaving the ground completely, the more Anne’s anxiety began to build. The french queen loved the speed of the take off and the flying part, but it was the idea of flying over the water in at most a few minutes. She takes out her new nintendo switch to get her mind off of the water like Cathy and her book.            In front of the two anxious queens was three perfectly fine queens enjoying themselves greatly. Jane was reading a magazine she picked up in the airport, Kitty was starting to watch “Detective Pikachu” on her little TV screen, and Anna was just enjoying her wine. Well Anna was enjoying her wine until the seat in front of her was pushed backwards towards her a bit too far for her comfort. Obviously annoyed, she lets out a very audible groan to try and signal the person in front of her but does nothing. “Excuse me?” she says rather loudly to the person in front of her, a muffled grunt that Anna assumed was supposed to be a ‘sorry’ is all she got in response. Even more annoyed than before, she gets up to ‘use the bathroom’, only to look back and see that the person causing her annoyance was a boy she guessed was about twelve. After she got back to her seat she just decided to ignore it for the kid’s sake and try and sleep through the flight since it was overnight.           The hours pass and all the queens have slept a good part of the journey, except one, Anne Boleyn. She maybe slept for 2 hours at most before the plane started to land. As everyone gathered their stuff and getting ready for the landing, she turned to her left to still see Cathrine Parr, the biggest night owl she has ever met, fast asleep. Anne was just glad that Cath got some sleep because lord knows when the least time she slept for more than 3 hours. “ Hey Cath, wake up we are landing soon mon hibou” Anne said softly as she shook her friend awake. Cathy stirred slightly as she woke up to feel slight turbulence.This was enough to fully wake the anxious girl up, “C’mon love, we need to get our stuff together we are landin’ in a few”, in response, Cathy began to put her book away right as the plane began to descend.      The plane finally lands in Orlando international Airport and they start to finally let passengers off. “C’mon queens! We have a long day ahead of us!” Jane says to the group as they began to exit into what feels like a whole new world.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

yay chapter 2 is out!! @prisky0731 @oneofakindnocategory

[keyofjetwolf]

Just when you thought it was safe to be a piece of shit

I jumped into Season 5 of BoJack this morning, fresh from my rewatch of the entire series, start to finish. I’d already seen all the previous seasons, but it was a couple years ago; S4 was just wrapping up, and I hadn’t touched it since. Not for lack of interest! Quite the contrary, I thought season 4 particularly was some incredibly strong storytelling all around, and I was completely blown away by its penultimate episode “Time’s Arrow”. But there was Life And Things, and I didn’t make the time for S5, so I also didn’t watch S6 when it aired, and by the time I thought about picking it back up, I knew I’d want to rewatch the whole thing to put it all in context, which meant MORE time, and anyway, you can see where @docholligay​ was finally “Fuck it, I’m sponsoring this.”

All the impetus I needed, clearly. That rewatch I did, and I’m glad for it, as I’d forgotten so many details, AND how fucking good this show is. It’s funny and dark and incredibly uncomfortable in ways that aren’t always flattering, and I love it. I didn’t RE-rewatch “Time’s Arrow” before starting today, but I had to wrestle myself out of it, that’s how much I wanted to.

So it was with some surprise that I found myself not really enjoying Season 5 as much as was expecting.

I SHOULDN’T have expected to. That was my first mistake. We left BoJack in a really good place, with a smile and a hope and the opportunity to maybe maybe maybe finally crawl out of the pit he’s constantly trying to bury himself in. He didn’t have the responsibility of fatherhood, but the promise of brotherhood. Hollyhock is a pretty alright kid, fundamentally fucked up juuuust enough to remind him of himself, and with the kind of love and support he’s always craved. If she can be okay, then maybe he can be okay, too.

Or, from another angle, if she can be okay, then he’ll have the proof he’s always wanted that every bad thing he’s ever done wasn’t REALLY his fault.

OH BOJACK YOU ABSOLUTELY SHIT WILL YOU NEVER LEARN

Maybe at the end of the series you finally will, I don’t know. But certainly not right now. You can’t learn. You never learning is the point.

One of the strengths of the show, though, is how BoJack gets opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to NOT be a piece of shit. To be a better person, to not be so selfish and self-centered and lazy and spiteful and BAD. We know it’s in there! We get these incredible little flashes of the sort of person he could be, if he’d just try a little harder, if he’d just put in the effort to be better today than he was yesterday.

That was my mistake, coming in: BoJack ended Season 4 with the high, and like any good roller coaster, it’s the slow tip at the top that makes the plummet to the bottom so heady.

That’s these beginning episodes of Season 5. Setting the stage(s), arranging the pieces back on the board, getting everything in motion for the drop to come.

WHICH I THINK WE JUST HIT HARD

First, yay Ana Spanakopita! Second: OOO

I love SO hard how this is NOT GOING AWAY. Both in how the show has never played any of this as remotely okay, but also in how it haunts BoJack. It’s his lowest moment, and he’s using it as a finely crafted weapon to bludgeon himself. But WHILE ALSO taking a perverse sort of ... pride isn’t the right word, but desire to have MATTERED in some way, even if it was a truly awful way. His insistence that he’s ruined Penny’s life, despite all apparent evidence to the contrary (see also the incredible “That’s Too Much, Man!”, ps what is with this show and penultimate season enders??), carries a perverse need to have impacted her life, even if that impact was traumatizing for her. The idea that BoJack could have mattered so little is MORE abhorrent to him than the actions themselves.

THAT IS INDEED TOO MUCH MAN I SEE YOU SHOW

So now we have what I think is the last tip before we go into free fall. BoJack is trying (kinda) to drink less and be sober more. He’s trying (kinda) to be a good friend to Princess Carolyn and Diane. HE ACTUALLY CONNECTED SOME DOTS ALL ON HIS OWN ABOUT FEMINISM. That I put that in caps, by the way, further makes the show’s point about how low our bar is for men on this, and well fucking done, by the way, kudos.

Will all that ACTUALLY mean BoJack is going to do better? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? He’s about to be tested again, another opportunity is approaching. What he’ll do with that is the entire show premise. But whichever path he takes this time would mean so much less without these slower episodes establishing for us where he, and everyone else, are standing. It’s a thing I dearly love about Bojack Horseman: it takes the time it needs to give you insight into where the characters are and what’s around them.

It gives the characters enough rope to hang themselves.

SPEAKING OF HOW’S THAT GOING FOR YOU DIANE

Diane is such an interesting character, in a show pretty much overflowing with interesting characters. She makes such a good compare/contrast with BoJack, in that it’s easy to look at Diane and say “What a good person!” She’s smart and funny, if awkward and plain (by Hollywoo standards). She’s socially and politically aware and cares about important issues. She wants to make the world better!

Only, does she? Much like BoJack, Diane is given opportunity after opportunity to Do Good, both personally and professionally. And she tries! (Most times, sort of.) It often blows up in her face, or isn’t what she expected, or it gets really hard, but she tries! Until she doesn’t. Until she runs back home, and can’t face her husband and the reality of her giving up, so she hides at BoJack’s house and stays drunk for months. Until she gets what she wants, and keeps getting what she wants, and then ruining it all because she never actually wanted it. and doesn’t know what to do once she has it anyway.

Like I said, she and BoJack can be frighteningly alike.

If I had to pick an overall favourite character, though, it’d probably be Princess Carolyn. 

Oh she’s fucked up too, but in a much more together sort of way. She’s as much the voice of reason as is anyone in this show, and I want her to get her little family SO MUCH. (Jesus wept, I forgot all about “Ruthie” until my rewatch and it PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING GUT.) These first few episodes though didn’t really do a hell of a lot for PC though, save for basically having her ONE AGAIN wound up in BoJack’s terrible, terrible orbit.

If that sounds like a complaint, it isn’t. I love the way the show explores the push and the pull, how it’s one thing to want to leave someone, to know you SHOULD leave someone, and yet how hard that can be. How even when you make that break, the potential to fall back into bad habits never really leaves you. EVERYTHING about this show is difficult, for everybody, all the time, and nothing good happens without effort.

Unless, of course, you’re Mr. Peanutbutter.

If you thought I’d love Mr. Peanutbutter, well, YOU’RE RIGHT I DO. And I’m DEEPLY interested in where ultimately his character is going to go. Of all the main characters, I feel he’s the one with the least depth to him, but then I think that’s the point, too. Every protagonist needs a foil, and for BoJack, that would be Mr. Peanutbutter, the guy who life has basically handed everything, including being generally too stupid to feel bad about anything, especially himself.

But that’s not entirely true. For all that he’s BoJack’s bright, sunny, charisma-filled opposite, no matter what he tried to do for Diane, it wasn’t enough. And as his third wife, it’s probably safe to say he tried hard with his previous wives too, with equal success. The show plays up the dog element of Mr. Peanutbutter a bit harder than it does many of the other animal people on the show, and included in that is how “his person” is the true center of Mr. PB’s world. But he can’t hold them, he can’t keep them wanting to be around him, and while it’s quickly undercut with a laugh, he more than once expressed genuine fear that Diane would leave him. Now she has, and while we’ve not yet seen any fallout from that (focusing instead on how he’s immediately found a new girlfriend), I strongly suspect we will.

I’m not sure if this “tough guy role” situation is going to go further than the episode in which it featured, but I DO think it has long-term potential as the latest in a string of things Mr. PB has wanted, but couldn’t make happen for himself, and how unusual that is for him. He’s the cheerful optimistic one, sure, but what does that mean when he’’s also never really felt any of life’s pressures to be otherwise?

Then there was Todd.

Todd, I pretty much never know what the fuck they’re going to do with you, and after these four episodes, I see we’re not going to change that now. I did some thinking on Todd though, on his place in what I feel are the show’s overarching themes, and I THINK Todd is by and large an example of what we should strive for. He’s kind and generous, he loves to help and is always there when people need him, and perhaps embodying what I think is the show’s greatest message, even when Todd fucks up, he keeps trying.

Of all the main characters, I think Todd has grown the most, to the point where he pretty much doesn’t even INTERACT with BoJack any more. (NOR SHOULD HE.) Todd is getting really good about setting (and enforcing!) his boundaries, to the point where he’s developing his own circle of characters outside of the show. They even make a fucking JOKE about it.

Every season, Todd is feeling like he fits in less with this show, but I don’t think that’s the show not knowing what to do with him, I think it’s by design. Todd is outgrowing this story, he’s moving on, and it’s hard not to be happy for him for that.

We’ll see, of course. We’re only four episodes in, and if we stick with my roller coaster analogy, there’s a whole lot of track left ahead of us. Wherever we’re set to go, the one thing I feel pretty confident in is that it won’t be a smooth ride for anyone.

[lovemesomerafael]

El Amor Todo Lo Puede         Chapter 53:  After The Storm

For @thomas1340, who has been waiting a LONG time

Chapters 1-50  Chapter 51  Chapter 52

Laura had very quietly asked Sonny Carisi to take her to the airport, and asked him not to tell anyone. She had said her goodbyes to everyone else.  She really couldn’t do it again.  And she had a particular question she needed to ask Sonny.

One lone tear streaked her face as, for the last time, she locked the door of the apartment she’d shared with Rafael.  She’d almost made it without crying.  She would have been OK, except for the hollow sound the door made in the apartment as it closed.  That hurt. It sounded like her heart felt.  

Sonny took her suitcase from her and they walked together to the elevator.  

The pain on Sonny’s face reflected her own.  She wanted to comfort him, even as he tried to comfort her.  “I wish I knew what to say.  I don’t know how to help.  I want to, so much.  But I don’t…”  

“I know, Carisi.  And you are helping.  It’s just… gonna take a long time.”

They were silent all the way to Sonny’s squad car, parked directly in front of the building with the emergency flashers going.  Today was hard enough without getting into it with some flunky about fucking parking.

When they had buckled in, Carisi turned to Laura.  “You said there was a question you wanted to ask me.”

“Yeah, there is.”  She took a deep breath.  “I need to know, Sonny.  Would you tell me…  when you pray…  is God still there?”

The question, and the lost, frightened look in her eyes, broke his heart.

“Yes.  Laura, yes.  And He loves you.  And He loves Rafael.  And He’s got you.  I don’t know much, but I know that.”

“I’m so mad at Him, Sonny!  I’m so mad at Him for letting me waste so much time when I could have been with Rafael, and then taking him away as soon as we found each other.”

“I know.  Me, too.  And that’s OK.  God can handle us being mad at him.  If you’re mad, be mad.  He knows, anyway.”  Sonny blew his nose loudly enough to make Laura grin through her tears.  

“And one more thing-” he began.

“Don’t tell me it’s His plan.  I hate His fucking plan!  His plan sucks!”  Laura’s anger, always near the surface these days, flared. Sonny wasn’t bothered by it.  He shared it.

“You’ll see Rafael again.  You’ll be together again.  He’s not gone.  He’s just gone from here.”

“OK.”  She couldn’t say more than that at this point.  She didn’t know what she believed.  But she heard Sonny say it.  And she listened.

“So the reason I asked you to come get me so many hours ahead of my flight is, I wondered if you would, um… go to Mass with me?  I thought maybe I could hold onto you and you could believe for both of us.” 

“I’d be honored.”

“St. Augustine’s has a Mass in half an hour.”

Sonny nodded and pulled the car out into the street.

*********

Date:  September 15    1430pm From:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com To:  Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov Subject:  Hi from Stockholm

Hi, Peter,

Hope you will recognize my name after so long.  If you delete this, I deserve it.  I got your cards and emails, and I don’t know the words to tell you how much I appreciated them.  You’re so much better of a friend than me.  Sorry I didn’t write before.  I’d rather talk to you than pretty much anyone else, I just haven’t really been talking to anyone for a while.�� Except my Mom, of course.  That shit doesn’t fly with her.  And Lucia, of course, because… well.

I hope I told you how much it meant to me that you came to New York.  I don’t really remember much that week.  So if I didn’t tell you, I knew you were there and it mattered.

Don’t know whether you heard this, but I’m in Stockholm, of all places.  Liv helped me find this assignment and here I am, trying to learn how to pronounce letters we don’t even have in English and words that, between you and me, are really longer than is entirely appropriate. 

I’m OK.  I like it here.  My job is all computer geekery all the time.  It’s interesting.  Do you believe I’m a fed?!  We’ve been working on this one case for seven months, and they finally made the arrests this week.  The only downside is they don’t let me beat anyone up.  

A friend from work, Maiken, is showing me Stockholm.  So between work and exploring with her, I have enough to think about other than my sorry self.  Thank God, most people here start learning English in grade school, so my hellacious rudimentary Swedish isn’t so much of a handicap.  Maiken taught me how to swear (no surprise I learned that first) which comes in handy sometimes on the Tunnelbana (subway to us). 

I know I’m not worthy, but be merciful and write me back.  I want to know how you are.  I ask my idiot brothers but they suck.  They only remember the scores of the games you go to.  I hope you wear a disguise when you see them so no one associates you with them.

Love you.

 Date:  September 15    1450pm From:  Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov To:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com Subject:  Re:  Hi from Stockholm

Sunshine,

So great to hear from you.  I can’t stop smiling.  And here I am writing you back immediately.  What a sucker.  So glad you’re doing OK but you’re too far away.  I was mad when you left the country, but I know short of leg irons there’s no stopping you.  

I’m good.  Got a promotion.  Yay, me.  Mark asks me why I bother having an apartment, then answers himself it’s where my clothes live.  Weekly, he says this and expects me to laugh.  My life.  

I miss you, Sunshine.  Please tell me when you’re coming home.  Or tell me when I can come see you.

I love you, Peter

 Date:  September 15    1510pm From:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com To:  Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov Subject:  Re: Hi from Stockholm

Hi, Peter,

I’m writing you back right away, too.  Who’s the sucker now?  Congratulations on your promotion!  Mark’s joke sounds so much like him.  I miss him. I miss you.  

Would you really want to come see me here?  I told Maiken about you and she wants to meet you.  Beware: she has the messiest love live I’ve ever encountered.  It’s like Game of Thrones, except with - no, it’s pretty much Game of Thrones.  You have been warned.  But she’s cool.  She shows you amazing places to eat and teaches you how to swear in Swedish.  

I can never figure out the time difference, but I think we can text if you want to.  There’s some shit you have do on your phone (technical phrase) but I can look into it if you want.  

Love, Laura d/b/a Sunshine

 Date:  September 15    1520pm From: Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov To:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com Subject:  Re: Re: Hi from Stockholm

Sunshine,

No I don’t want to fucking text, I want to hear your voice!  Give me your number or call me.  

Peter

 Date:  September 15    1620pm From:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com To:  Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov Subject:  Re: Re: Hi from Stockholm

Peter,

Rawr tiger.  I called you but you didn’t answer.  You should have my number in your phone now, though.  I also texted it to you.  Call me but only if you’re going to be nice because I’ve thought about you a lot and in my thoughts you’re nice.  I have no idea how it works, if we can just call and it’s like in the US or if we’ll get a massive bill but I don’t care.  I heard your voice on your message and now I can’t wait to talk to you.  Even if you’re not nice.

Love, Laura

Date:  November 18    0953am From:  Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov To:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com Subject:  Flight Info

Sunshine,

My itinerary is attached.  Looking so forward to seeing you.  Your family is pissed that you’re going to be with me for the holidays instead of them.  I pretend to feel bad.  

I want to bring you a present. What should I get you?  

Love, Peter

 Date:  December 8    2120pm From:  Laura.Parker@freemail.com To:  Peter.Stone@statesattorney.IL.gov Subject:  St. Thomas!!!  

Hi, Peter,

Here is a picture of me and Maiken. I’m the one on the left.  So you’ll recognize me.  Holy shit, I’m going to see you in two weeks!  

You mentioned my family is pissed I’m spending the holidays with you.  You have ignored my question (twice) about how Katie feels about it.  She must be some kind of fucking saint if she’s not tearing you limb from limb.  For the millionth time, she can totally come!  I don’t want to cause trouble for your love life and I’m dying to meet her.

Love, Laura

P.S.  For my Christmas present, you have to be in all the selfies I want.  I know how much you hate them but you are wrong.  Terribly, dreadfully, completely, utterly wrong.  

 Peter: Just landed.  See you when you get here.

Peter: Checked in.  Place is nice.    

Laura: In line in customs.  WTF.  I brought like 2 bikinis and a dress.  Do I really need to be behind the family with 9 kids who are apparently emigrating here and brought everything they own?  There may be livestock.  I’m about to lose it.  For real.

Peter: DO NOT lose it.  If you cause an international incident and make me miss out on those bikinis I will not be happy.

Laura: Can’t help it.  I’ve been on a different continent from you for over a year and now we’re on the same tiny island and I’m trapped in bureaucratic hell.  I’m not the most patient person.

Peter: Indeed.  Really?

Laura: FU  😊

 It was after ten p.m. when Laura finally arrived at the hotel.  She intended to check in, get to her room, take a quick shower, and then let Peter know she was there.  She didn’t want to be hagged out after over a day travelling when he saw her for the first time in over a year.  She should have known.  As she dragged her suitcase wearily across the rough tile floor of the lobby to the hotel’s check-in desk, she caught sight of Peter as he stood up from a wicker settee across the room.  

For a moment, she just stood staring at him as he strode across the lobby toward her, smiling so hard it looked like it hurt.  Or maybe she just thought that because her own smile was painfully wide.  Sweet merciful heaven, he was so fucking beautiful! Everything about him was gorgeous, including his too-short hair and the truly heinous flowered board shorts he wore. She dropped the handle of her suitcase and let her carry-on fall to the floor as she ran toward him and leapt into his arms.  He instantly swept her off her feet and she wrapped her legs around him, squeezing him with all her limbs as hard as she could.  Both laughed and cried.  

The desk attendant was becoming a little uncomfortable the longer they embraced, laughing and wiping tears, saying all the stupid things people said when they met after a prolonged absence. Americans, she thought.  Give me some nice, polite Japanese people anyday.  And these two looked a little old to be behaving like this, anyway.  Her eyes widened when, many minutes later, the woman came to the desk and checked into her own room, separate from the man’s, and not even adjoining.  Affair? But no, no one was joining them; they each had booked a room for only one guest.  Whatever, the desk clerk thought.  The day I understand the weird shit tourists do…

While Laura showered, Peter relaxed on her balcony, sipping a beer he’d brought from his own room.  It wasn’t long before she appeared, toweling off her wet hair and wearing an ankle-length cotton halter dress in a very colorful print.

“You should have warned me about that dress,” Peter said, holding a hand over his eyes.  “I woulda worn my sunglasses.”

“I got two words for you, hotshot. Those shorts.”  

“Where’d you get a dress like that in Sweden?”

“Amazon.  Like the entire rest of the known world.”

Their conversation went on like that, light and happy and easy, while Laura combed her hair and they sat watching the waves.  Even at night, there was enough light to see the rocky shoreline in front of their balconies.  Laura was exhausted after travelling for over a day, but didn’t want to miss one second with Peter.  Eventually, she simply couldn’t sit anymore and said that she needed to stretch out.

“C’mon,” she said, “We can talk in here.”  

In a very short time after they laid down on her bed, she under a sheet with her head on the pillows, he on top of the sheet with his head at the foot of the bed, they fell into a deep sleep. Peter woke during the night, and thought about crawling in with Laura, but decided it was best just to grab a pillow and stay where he was.  There was no chance he would go back to his room, alone, when he could be here with her.

 The next day, they hurried through breakfast so that they could catch a dive boat leaving for a sheltered bay perfect for amateurs.  They snorkeled all day, exploring the bay and pointing at colorful fish, taking underwater selfies (which Peter said were the only thing stupider than selfies on land but tolerated all day long), and enjoying the sun and warm water.  They had been smart enough to bring sun guard shirts, since both were coming from cold climates and had no tans at all.  By the time the boat landed back at the pier near their hotel, they were both too tired to think about trying to shower and get dressed to go out for dinner.  They settled for stew chicken from a street vendor they passed on the walk back to the hotel.

An hour after they returned to the hotel, Peter heard Laura’s knock on his door.  She had showered and just knotted her wet hair at the back of her head, and was wearing a cool, cotton wrap dress that actually belonged to her friend Maiken.  When Peter opened the door, he was wearing those damn board shorts again, and nothing else.  As always, Laura immediately noticed his trim, muscular torso and his lovely, brawny arms.  Tonight, though, she hoped he was planning to put on a shirt.  

They sat on Peter’s balcony in the cool evening breeze, looking at the pictures they’d taken that day. There were some beautiful shots of the schools of yellow and purple fish, some of sea turtles swimming near them, and several very cute photos of the two of them.  They’d also taken pictures of each other, some of which were very good, and some of which they teased each other about.  

When they had tired of the pictures, they sat, side by side, sipping drinks and watching the moon come up over the water.  

“I could live here,” Laura noted.

“You don’t like Stockholm?”

“I like Stockholm a lot, but it’s cold most of the time.  I love this warmth.”

Peter sighed contentedly.  “It really doesn’t seem like Christmas.”

“It doesn’t.”

He looked over at her.  “Which, I’m guessing, is the point?”

Laura didn’t look at him. She took a long drink of the passionfruit juice she was nursing.  “I don’t want the holidays.  Can we leave it at that?”

“Sure.  I want to hear more about Stockholm.”

Laura didn’t know whether Peter gave two shits about Stockholm, but she loved him for changing the subject.  He was actually quite interested in her new life, but he also knew that this was only her second Christmas without Rafael, and that the two of them had gotten engaged on New Years’ Eve.  Peter understood why Laura would need to ignore the holidays for a while.  

They talked about a lot of things as they sat there, sometimes sharing stories about their work, sometimes talking about the Parkers, sometimes showing eachother photos and goofy internet memes on their phones.  At one point, Peter scrolled past a picture of himself and a woman, sitting at a restaurant table clinking cocktail glasses and smiling.  He had his arm around her.  

“Wait, wait!  Go back.  Is that Katie?”  She asked.

Reluctantly, Peter scrolled back and handed Laura his phone.  “Yeah, that’s Katie and me on my birthday.”

“Wow.  She’s a knockout.”

“Yeah.”  

Laura handed Peter back his phone. “What?”

“Nothing.  She’s beautiful.  Yes.”

“Hmmmm.  Not detecting a lot of enthusiasm there.  ‘Nothing.  She’s beautiful.’” She mimicked.

“I don’t really want to talk about Katie.  Can we leave it at that?”  

They looked at eachother and Laura shrugged more casually than she felt.  “Of course.”  

A silence descended, during which Peter absently flipped through pictures on his phone and Laura looked out at the waves and the moon.  After a few minutes, Peter held his phone out to her and showed her a picture of the two of them huddled under a blanket at a Chicago Bears game, snow falling thickly on their hats and on the rowdy crowd around them.  They chuckled.

“That was so damn cold,” Peter said.

“My toes hurt so bad when they thawed out.  I thought I had frostbite.”

“Good game, though.”

“Great game.  Worth losing a couple toes.  How many years ago was that?”

“Don’t ask me that.  I turned forty last year.  I don’t like to think about how long ago stuff was.”

Another silence.  

“Peter?”

“Hmmmmm?”

“I would like to have one minute of serious conversation, and then no more for the rest of our time here. You game?”

He looked out to sea.  “One minute.”  He made it sound like one minute of having bamboo under his fingernails.

“Are you OK?”  

He looked over at her, surprise on his face.  “You’re the one who…  Yeah, I’m OK. I’m supposed to be asking you that.”

“Don’t lie to me, Peter Stone. I’ve known you too long.  I’ll tell you how I am if you’ll tell me how you are.”

“Sunshine, I’m fine.  I just don’t feel right about talking to you about some other woman.  And, to be honest, turning forty kind of kicked my ass.  I’ll be OK.  If that’s the worst problem I have, I’m doing pretty good.  OK?”  

She looked hard at him for a moment.  “OK. But you can talk to me if you want. And, for the record, you’re a seriously hot old guy.  I’d hit that.”

Peter couldn’t help but laugh. Only she would say something like that to him.  Only she could.  “Well, thanks for that.  Now you. How are you?  Really?”

“I’m… OK.  I feel like I’ve been frozen and I’m kind of thawing out around the edges, you know?  I don’t really want to, but that’s what seems to be happening.”

“You’re too young not to.”

“Fuck,” she said, with some bite in it, then sighed heavily.  

“You’re going to be OK, Sunshine.”

“Yeah, I guess. Someday.  But not today.  And not tomorrow.”

Peter reached out a hand and she put her hand in his.  Their fingers entwined.  

“You’re my best friend, you know,” he said, looking out over the moon-dappled sea.

“You’re my best friend, too.”

“Can the minute of seriousness be over now?”

“Hell, yes.”

Again that night, they eventually moved to stretch out on the bed to talk, and fell asleep next to one another. This time, Laura was the one who awoke in the night.  She was cold from being uncovered in her thin, short dress, and crawled under the covers, resisting the temptation to cuddle up to Peter.

*************

The rest of their time in St. Thomas was spent lounging in the sun, sightseeing, kayaking, swimming and snorkeling. They were surprised to find that the most fun they had wasn’t in the ocean, but ziplining through the rainforest canopy. Peter’s favorite picture of the trip was one that an attendant had taken of them, wearing helmets and harnesses and laughing their heads off.  

True to their agreement on that second night, they had spoken about most aspects of their current lives, but hadn’t tried to tackle any subject more difficult than annoying coworkers.  The front desk clerk who had checked Laura into her room would have been very confused by the fact that they never spent one night sleeping apart, but never got more intimate than the hug they’d shared that first night in the lobby.

[ruffiorocks]

How dare that episode break my hollow shell!😭😭

I can't believe I'm up at 4.30am because I couldn't bear to have Supergirl ruined for me!

So!

That was one of the best episodes they have made. You can absolutely tell that it had a different director. Bravo David sir!

I didn't think for one second that Kara would reveal herself in that episode. So no disappointment there. I honestly don't think she'll tell Lena at all. I think if/when she finds out it will be an accident.

I'm still not at all on board with James having powers and I want them gone by next season. BUT his trauma storyline was very well done. But he did remind me of Beast in Beauty in the Beast when he told Lockwood to get out of Cat Co!

Dreamer is adorable! But way to many puns! Also I know bad guys are bad but smashing their faces into car windows that shatter isn't good! Let's blind them and cut up their faces! Good idea! Not! Brainy have a word!

Also there was a lot of public damage in this episode. All that unnecessary destruction at Cat Co? Dreamer literally kicked a computer off the table just because? She also didn't have to smash people again through windows! Good thing Lena is rich!

When Brainy said they couldn't fight them if they couldn't see them I honestly expected some kind of illusion or image inducor tech but he just turned the lights off 😂 so anti climatic but so funny.

When Kara turned up at L Corp and instanty asked about Lex rather than being a friend to Lena and asking how she was I was about ready to dive into the screen and throttle her myself! I'm so glad Lena called her out on it! I'm also glad the writers acknowledged what we have been saying that Kara and Lena NEVER see each other anymore. Also I'm so glad Lena said that Alex was there! All this just backed up what I posted about yesterday that Kara tends to only go to Lena when she wants something from her. Lena stiffened the moment Kara said Lex's name. She didn't think for a second that that could possibly be a trigger for her.

I'm so happy at the interview that Dreamer did! And that everyone was crying! I'm glad she mentioned that she was Trans to. But one downside to that is that it would be super easy for people who know her (at least those back home) to figure out who she is! But apparently secret identities in this show are irrelevant.

When America Woman started playing I was living!

Forget Kara! Brainy is the best friend that Lena has! He's the one guy who doesn't understand human emotions but actually understands them better than humans themselves do!

Kara staring longingly at a pic of her and Lena is EVERYTHING!

Now Im usually hollow and dead inside but seeing Lena cry, like REALLY cry nearly broke me! She told Kara the truth and right when I thought Kara would throw some justice crap in her face she grabbed her and they cried together and she called her beautiful!!

Now for the downside of that. Lena has finally allowed herself to really let someone in. She trusts Kara enough now to forgive her not being there and entirely blaming herself instead. But here's the issue, when she finally learns Kara is Supergirl all that trust will most likely shatter. To be fair i wouldnt blame Lena if she never spoke to Kara again. She let herself be completely vulnerable with Kara telling her her darkest secrets and Kara didn't take the opportunity to return the favor. Now I know Kara doesn't owe her secret to anyone but things with Lena have gone to far for her not to tell her the truth now. Lena will learn she's the only one that didn't know and she is so fragile. That right there was the best window of opportunity Kara had while Lena was bearing all!!

Also take that haters! Lena told Kara she was working with Lex and Kara understands because Lex is still Lena's fam!

Kelly and Alex are adorable! I know I said I didn't mind James in this episode and that's true but only a few scenes of Kelly and I'm more invested in her than 4 seasons of James!

I'm also glad that James' trauma wasnt Lex based. Mostly because I honestly thought we would have to watch him go through (8 ?) Memories of past kiddnapping attempts in his mind palace and that would take the whole episode.

Yay! Baby Lockwood has come to his senses!

Now I don't like that that alien has killed (possibly) Mrs Lockwood. It cancels out what Dreamer and the other aliens have been saying. Now it just looks like aliens are violent. But it makes it worse because the aliens have now caused the first fatality. That doesn't look good at all!

Brainy and Dreamer kicking ass is amazing!

Kara using her powers but trying to be inconspicuous is hilarity and I could watch a full episode of it.

Lena and Kara working the investigation while Kara eats french fries and sups a milkshake was amazing.

'That Nostalgic B**tard!" Of course Lena figured it out!

Also not going to lie but I expected to see some sort of looks and loving exchanges between Lena and James and I'm SO happy there wasn't! The only thing Lena cared about was curing him. I'd have been so disappointed if Guradiancorp had reared its head again.

All in all too many tears!!! It broke through my hollow shell! Katie's tears were the best! I would honestly believe that was all real.

[ghosty-schnibibit]

slightly late liveblog because i took the time to relisten to the last ep first :P

new taz just in time for the head cold that's been thoroughly kicking my ass for the last week to finally subside, nice. i have no idea wtf is going to happen in this ep and i am both excited and afraid, here we go!

slightly worried based on the ep description but not too much

jfc i'm glad i relistened to the last ep or the muffy and winthrop would have thrown me off so much otherwise

awww, buds :')

an army of forestry friends :D

i know i've been avoiding making gravity falls comparisons but damn if this isn't giving me so many weirdmageddon vibes

ilu travis

yes please check on billy, i miss him

aww ned :'(

oh no, what's wrong with billy???

tamagotchi npcs

how is the goat man playing ffvii what the fuck

duck what the shit my dude

oh right i forgot he was in ryan gosling form

"or at least the first form that you met of his" ... and i just remembered that he's a white glowey dude on the inside and am now immediately scared for duck :|

GRIFFIN WHAT THE FUUUUCK

THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD JESUS CHRIST

... he's from a planet somewhere in between? is there a place between the planets linking the... this is the gateway we saw when the shapeshifter tried to portal away!!! that's what he's talking about!!!!!

THERE'S A GATEWAY, IT'S A GATEWAY, THEY NEED TO SHUT OFF THE GATEWAY PLANET TO SHUT OFF THE CONNECTION BETWEEN SYLVAIN AND EARTH

griffin you've made me cry over a goatman disguised as ryan goseling who can only say “duck” and “pizza”, how the fuck have you done this

oh my god this music

DUCK HOLY FUCK I'M FUCKING CRYING

rip billy ; _ ;

GIVE ME THE OTP TRAVIS

i can understand why she’d react that way to be fair

janelle ships it lmao

lovable ragamuffin

jesus trav you didn't have to go straight into deathmode

... can they though??? my one criticism of this arc is that griffin has been super unclear as to what the people who've been exiled from sylvain did to get exiled in the first place, and not knowing sort of dampens the stakes because i don't know how to feel about it. now it sounds like the quell is partially why, but i don't understand how dani or any of the other sylphs could have done anything related to the quell bad enough to warrant banishment. okay, mini rant over, back to the liveblog

thank you for bringing us back to shipping and away from meta aubrey

"okay well now i have to live!" mood

YAAAAAAY :DDD

there is literally an ikea catalogue next to me on my bed r/n lol

aubrey ilu my baby but the rambling, my sweet heart please shush

justin ilu so much holy shit

this is so good clint, hell yes

arlo thacker is a man after my own heart

god this is such good character building holy shit

did thacker drag an extension cord out into the woods with his macbook

nice, full success! go thacker :D

... this is fucking horrifying, jesus

god this music is so good but i am so scared

this is where aubrey and janelle were!!!

this has been so emotional so far, damn

yay! i bought the gn on it's first day out hoping it would get number one again ^u^

is it just me or does griffin sound really tired???

... taz what now? is that the board game?

only about 20 minutes left, lets see how this resolves

i think the woods would probably be a good idea... it depends on what role they're best prepared to go for, stealth or manipulation

i like that justin always avoids metagaming at all costs and gives us more dialogue in the process

griffin will find a way to make things go wrong aubrey

thank you for that griffin lmao

well that's not great :|

YEP, NOT GREAT

thank you thacker holy shit

don't chance it aubrey, you have no luck left, please do not chance it

"we can all do things minerva" ilu aubrey

YES THEY ARE YOU USED ONE ON THACKER WHEN HE GOT LOOSE DURING THE TREE ARC

OH NO THAT SOUNDS BAD

NOPE, THEY ARE COMPLETELY FUCKED

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

"this has gone so bad so quickly" NO SHIT GRIFFIN

i've never used a flare gun before i have no idea if that's good or bad

i love you duck newton holy shit

"camera time's over" ilu barclay

... why do i get the feeling that hard move is gonna come real quick from the tone of griffin's voice

griffin what are you about to do

aww barclay :'(

it's stern isn't it

DUCK PLEASE DO NOT DIE HOLY SHIT

OKAY BUT ALSO MAYBE DON'T CLEFT THIS MAN IN TWAIN

oh no this is so bad, this has gone so bad

t a r p o

YEAAAAH HORNETS :D

god that’s fuckin badass

this was a really emotional ep holy shit!!! still plenty of good goofs and dramatic cool moments to balance out the sad parts but damn. i'm a bit more excited now that they've got a plan laid out to get to the gate, but still worried as hell that they’re all gonna beef it lmao.

anyways, see you guys next week!

[swiftpng]

❥ — taylor swift’s fall netflix list // gettin’ deep & personal task.

Taylor’s a sucker for binge-watching a television show and ignoring the fact that she should be replying to emails about work, so what’s a better way to procrastinate than answering a bunch of fall related questions while watching a baking show? (click on the picture for hq!)

what’s your favorite part of fall? Everything. I know, I know… I might’ve said summer was my favorite season, but honestly? I love this time of the year so much. The leaves here are beginning to change colors. Soon they’ll fall to the ground in an array of golden-tones, stripping the trees bare in the process. We’ll all soon follow, wiping ourselves clean of the year’s hard times in anticipation of the better that’s sure to come. Pumpkin flavors can now be requested in coffee shops all over, and in just a couple weeks time, children will line the streets in costumes. There’s something in the breeze that heals. I can’t explain it, but I can feel it. Goosebumps litter my skin and at times I have to question whether I’m cold or whether my body is coming alive for the first time in ten months. Fall has arrived and so has my spirit. 

what about your least favorite? Hm, hard call. Maybe the colder weather? I don’t mind it, but I don’t really enjoy the feeling of my limbs feeling numb from the coldness.

what’s a song that always makes you think of Halloween? Thriller by Michael Jackson! If you don’t do the dance when you hear this song, we can’t be friends.

describe your quintessential fall outfit? Fall fashion is some of my favorite and, in my opinion, often the most creative! Usually, I’m always wearing fall colors with jeans, boots, and a sweater. Scarves, hats, and gloves can be found in my wardrobe during this time of year, too.

have you ever played with a ouija board? No, I wouldn’t do that. I’ve seen one too many horror films to know that it never ends well when you mess with those things.

do you feel that fall makes you happy or sad? Happy, most of the time! Although, it does make me feel slightly nostalgic, so that can always bring up unwanted feelings to the surface.

what’s your favorite Halloween-related movie? I always go for more light-hearted movies rather than all out scary movies, so I would have to say Hocus Pocus. But, I like Practical Magic, too.

now that the weather’s getting colder, what’s a go-to comfort meal for fall? Mac and cheese is my comfort food. It’s homey, warm, and so delicious. 

do you believe in ghosts & spirits? A little bit. I’m the kind of person to hear a mysterious noise and think “ghosts!” because that’s just who I am. I believe there are things we can’t see that exist, but I don’t really believe in the traditional ideas of what “ghosts” are. Maybe I’ll Buzzfeed Unsolved it one of these days and see if they’re truly real for myself.

favorite fall-related scent? Freshly made pumpkin pie from the oven is such a good smell, but I also love the smell of nature after it rains.

are you a generally superstitious person? I’m not overall superstitious, but I believe that there are things we can’t see or fathom. I believe there’s things we can’t explain, yet or ever. I believe that the number thirteen is my lucky number, and whenever it pops up randomly, I always believe it’s good luck for me.

do you rake up the leaves in your yard, or leave them fall where they may? I just leave them on the ground until I know it’s supposed to snow, and then I rake them up for them to burn. Fallen leaves make for a good bonfire.

if you were home alone and heard footsteps in your house, what would you do? I would probably check my security camera footage, and if I felt really spooked out, I’d call a friend to come over and stay the night!

hot apple cider or pumpkin spice coffee? Oooh, don’t do this to me. I love both, but a mug of hot apple cider is amazing when you’re at the window and reading a book.

pick a team of three people to go with you to a haunted house if you wanted to survive? Let me see… I think I’d choose Bill Skarsgård because he’s taller than me and I trust that he could protect the rest of the team; James McAvoy because he’s hilarious and I’m sure he could calm my nerves and lighten the mood; and Delta Goodrem since she’s my soul sister and I would need her for moral support. Bill, James, and Delta – those three would be my team if I had to go into a haunted house to survive.

do you use the pumpkin seeds once you’ve scooped ‘em from the jack-o-lantern? I usually save them! I roast them in the oven and eat them as a snack.

favorite Halloween costume that you’ve ever worn? Getting the chance to wear Ryan’s Deadpool costume was pretty cool. Didn’t think it would fit at first, but I’m glad it did!

what’s your favorite fall time activity? Going out at night and walking against the brisk air, warm coffee in my hand, feeling free and abandoned with my loved ones; sitting outside in the afternoons with a cozy sweater and writing/drawing; watching the darkening of the days, giving way to even brighter sunsets and sunrises.

graveyards at night: yay or nay? Uh, no. I don’t even like going to them in the daytime, so going to one during the night would not be for me.

do you enjoy baking during the fall season? Of course! Imagine if I didn’t bake almost everyday during the fall season? If you can name it, I can bake it. Cookies, pies, cakes, bread – those will fill my kitchen at all times.

are you more into Halloween parties or trick-or-treating? Since I’m older, I would say Halloween parties. Though, now that I’m living in Bayview, I’m hoping to get a chance to pass out candy to kids. Seeing little ones dressed up in their costumes is so cute.

what role do you play in a horror movie: the final girl, first to die, comic relief, the brain, or the murderer? Honestly? Depends on my mood. Kidding. Well, maybe. I feel like most people would assume that I would be the first to die in a horror movie and they might be right, but I feel like I could be the brain to come up with a plan to save us all. I’d be the comic relief if I’m nervous or feeling stressed during it all, the final girl if my plan goes like it should, and the murderer if I saw someone I disliked.

have you ever changed your appearance with the season? like dyeing your hair or doing different makeup? A lot of people dye their hair darker as the seasons change, but I don’t think I can pull off brown hair, so I just stick to blonde. I usually change my makeup to more darker tones.

after a scary movie… lights on or off? On, always. And I have to watch something more light-hearted afterwards otherwise I can’t go to sleep.

what’s your favorite candy that you look forward to getting around Halloween? Definitely Reese’s Pieces or M&M’s. You’ll never see me with candy corn, though. Whoever likes those are wrong. Very, very wrong. They have no taste, they’re boring, and they’re just not a good Halloween candy. Or even candy in general. Honestly, just don’t even talk to me if you like candy corn. Please. Also, if you have any in your presence, you should do yourself a favor and throw them away.

you’re a witch or warlock… what’s your familiar animal? Would it be too predictable to say a cat? It would be cool if they could talk like Salem, too.

it’s an apple, and it’s coated with what: chocolate, candy or caramel? A chocolate M&M covered apple would be my pick. I never eat it from the stick, so I usually cut it with an apple slicer and then have my way with it.

do you believe in any urban legends like moth man or chupacabras? Can’t say I do, only because I’m not really familiar with either of those. I will say that I believe in Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster.

are you more into the fall aesthetic, or just in it for Halloween? Both? I love fall because of the crispness of the air against the gentle warmth of sunlight, the reemergence of cozy dark clothing and boots, a fresh brew of coffee as the sun rises and the chill starts to nip at your nose and cheeks, the faint scent of cinnamon, shorter days in exchange for softer evenings and brighter sunrises, greenery turning over to bold reds, oranges, and yellows, a tangible feeling that you can do anything… I could go on forever, I just really, really love autumn, my soul feels so at home when it’s this time of year. But, I do love Halloween and I refuse to believe it begins within the plane of manmade time, and is not an atmospheric state that graces us mere mortals every year without fail, bringing with it an odd chilly peace and natural pleasantries and a sort of magic, all of which is willed by the Gods of Spook. Yes, I know, I’m weird.  

supernatural time: do you wanna be a vampire, werewolf, or zombie? I’ve been a zombie once, and let me tell you, sitting for six hours in a makeup chair is not fun. But in all seriousness, if I had to choose based off of what I’ve seen in TV shows and such, I think I’d go with being a werewolf. I mean, having to turn on a full moon and have every bone in my body break doesn’t sound like too much fun, but it does sound better than having to live off of blood and never actually dying (unless you get stabbed in the heart with a wooden stake). With how much the world is changing, I don’t think I would to live long enough to see how it all ends.

[outhereontheprairie]

Golden Valley, North Dakota : My Ancestors’ Home Town

Golden Valley is a tiny town that is close to my heart. For all of my childhood and most of my teen years, my mom’s side of the family has had their family reunions here. Why here? Because the original family homestead was just north of Golden Valley. And Golden Valley has a great little municipal building that offered plenty of room for us all to meet and a kitchen for us to serve our group meal in. Both sides of my family had family reunions, and although dad’s side happened far less often (every 7+ years) and was my favorite, I also mostly loved mom’s family reunions as well. They happened every other year - far more often. And the turnout was usually robust. Much of the family still lives in the Golden Valley/Beulah area. 

So what do I think of when I think of Golden Valley? My mom making her grandmother’s apple filled cookies to serve to everyone. Piles of delicious casseroles and appetizers. The cool, crisp AC of the interior of the plain municipal building. The bright, hot summer days outside. Everyone hugging and talking. When I was older, wandering the empty streets of Golden Valley with other young family members. Boredom - but in a good way. History. Memories. And eventually leaving and visiting other family member’s homesteads in the area during the evening. 

Keep on going for many photos of Golden Valley and more memories!

So this is the municipal building where we always met. I don’t think we were supposed to go into the area with the fire engines but somehow I do remember getting in there once or twice. But we always parked outside and went into that entryway there. That’s when the cold air of the dark interior always hit and your eyes adjusted.

But on this day, let’s start at a place I don’t remember seeing as a kid (because we were always at the other side of town): the school. 

When the school closed, I don't know. But it’s definitely closed. 

And it may be used for storage now. 

Beside the old school, a former church. 

Clearly not a church anymore. 

Let’s walk main! My husband and I parked by the old family reunion building and walked both sides of main, exploring and taking photos. We will start on this side, at the former market. 

When this was last open, I don’t know. Probably quite awhile. At least 10 years.

I love that these old buildings are still standing, and seemingly not totally falling down. 

A closeup of one of the doors. 

One of the windows - lined with old vases. 

I guess you used to be able to buy gas here. 

So this building really caught my eye when we came to town! I’m guessing the paint job was recent. It’s certainly eye catching! 

I adore the tin siding and big windows and - all the stuff inside! 

This apparently used to be an antique shop of some sort. 

Just a great old building! And still cared for - someone put plants out front. I love to see these buildings still cared for. 

What this place was is beyond me. It’s definitely seen better days especially compared to its neighbor. 

Quite a pair! 

And at the end of the row, another mystery building. 

So that’s that side of main!

And here’s the other side of main! More buildings that don’t look too far gone yet - which is awesome! 

Let’s get closer. 

Whatever this place was, I don’t know. But it seems to be a museum of some sort now. If only just in the windows. 

Look at this cool stuff!!!

Sorry about the reflections. I wish I had gotten better shots. 

Next door - the post office! 

Beside this is the local bar which is still very much used. A woman was sitting out front enjoying the day. And - a cat! We loved on him for quite awhile and he was clearly very happy and very spoiled which was great to see. The woman said he was the bar cat, and that he chose them and they kind of just let it happen. All the best pets happen that way :) Yay for bar cats! And any business that has a cat!

This, I can only assume, held a fire truck or ambulance at one point or still does. 

Quite the structure on top!

Here’s a shot from the side - and what’s that hill in the back? 

I’ve wondered this ever since we had family reunions here. Because this hill is just across from that building we met in - and from what I remember it’s either a former bomb shelter or tornado shelter. But my memory is certainly not always correct. So I’m not sure. 

Looking back at our old meeting place. Let’s walk another way! Past the meeting place and down a back street where we used to stroll as teenagers. 

I remember this house from way back when. Ever since I was tiny I wondered who lived here. 

And someone did live here when I was little, if I recall correctly. 

But now it looks more like no one lives here. 

Another view of the old place. 

At the end of the road that runs by the family reunion building - the town elevators which are really looking like they’ve seen better days. 

So I took a bunch of shots of them, in case they don’t last long. 

The paint is wearing off. The boards are coming off.

The siding is coming off. 

The lettering is fading fast. But they still stand like sentinels. I’ve always loved grain elevators - skyscrapers of the prairie.

Rounding the corner, there’s this building which I remember admiring as a teenager. 

I remember saying “Wow, that’s so old! Can you imagine?” 

And walking by it in present day, I found myself wondering the same. 

Can you imagine all this old place has seen? And I don’t even know what it was. A garage or carriage house I suppose. 

Further down the road. 

Another abandoned building. 

And now, a place I remember walking by and admiring and even possibly taking a photo of way back when I was a teenager. (Way back...relatively. I guess I’m not that old.)

I’ve read that someone who clearly has a ton of money keeps this as a private motorcycle museum. 

The outside sure is cool! Restoring these gas pumps (the tops alone!) had to cost a pretty penny.

Love this old gas station stuff!

A very cool spot. Why in Golden Valley? I have no idea. But that’s why I love these prairie towns. They contain such gems.

You just never know what you’ll find in these towns! 

So that’s Golden Valley. And my stroll around town, returning as an adult to this place where I spent many a day every other summer as a child. Golden Valley is special to me. I hope it is able to remain the same - to hold on to the little it has left. I hope it doesn’t start tearing down the buildings or burning them because they sit unused. I hope some life comes back to town. 

If only I knew what it was like when my great grandparents started their homestead north of here! Can you imagine? How different a time! I’m so glad I got to know Golden Valley at all. Some people never get to see where their family comes from. But I do :) 

Update: a local filled me in on a few things! First, the last building is a private motorcycle museum. “Lindemann Harley Collection”. Next, the school building is privately owned aside from the bellower and basketball which the city still owns. Also the last graduating class was 2006. The church with cars outside of it is someone’s house now. And about that bomb/tornado shelter. It’s not! It’s a water cistern from when the city had their own well for city water. It hasn’t been used in years, but the firemen still use it to full the fire trucks so they don’t waste the current city water. Also, the building in front (with that siren thing on top) - the white addition on the back contains some piping and a pump for the old well. The building itself is the old fire hall, but it does have an old jail cell in back! Thank you to instagrammer “C_Hell” for the info! 

[nikatyler]

Oh hey, long time no replies. And these are the first ones of this year. I have a hard time replying now. It’s not like I don’t have time - I’m doing okay, actually. I mean, I wouldn’t complain if there was less homework, but still. Free time exists. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to replying to either comments or messages...I replied to asks quite quickly though, which is something unusual for me. Usually that’s where I’m slowest. I don’t know, is this another weird anxiety thing? Like I know I can reply, but I just...don’t?

Anyway...let’s get that done now I guess. There’s a lot of these, apologies if something got lost. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s not, all I know is that sometimes my activity feed doesn’t show me everything.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Vlad the fashion icon strikes again.”

he's rocking that goth TM look lmao

I mean yeah.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “This brings back memories. Maybe he’s not evil, he just wants some...”

he's vv nice to his friends..... the problem is becoming his friend ��

I was going to reply with “if this ain’t me” but...actually once I get comfortable around people, irl especially, I’m awful to them D: (I can quite easily turn into the sarcastic asshole friend and no one believes me until I unleash it lmao) But anyway yeah I kinda can see Vlad to be that way, now that you mention it

#JusticeForVlad2k19

justkeeponsimming replied to your photo “End of the Year Tag 2 This time I was tagged by @justkeeponsimming....”

Ronnieeee!!! Your sims are SO gorgeous! Love love love this!

Aaaaah thank you so much! ♥

dandylion240 replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

When Ross and Caleb finally got together. I'm still hoping Caleb changes his mind and turns Ross.

If I had replied to this a week earlier, I could’ve used my favourite eye emoji. Oh well. Yeah, it’s good he changed his mind, isn’t it? :D I couldn’t stand the idea of separating them.

jackssims replied to your photo “I tweeted this last night but I want to share it here as well because...”

The birth of Miracle! Caleb, Ross, and Sunset! The high school story and when Miracle and Adam got together as well!

ghkjahfljhk lately (I mean for the past few months) I’ve been really disliking Miracle and Adam’s storyline but for some reason when people mention it, they always say they liked it, so I guess I didn’t do that bad of a job? 

Same with the good old Zoey storyline. Everyone who has ever talked to me about it said they liked it and thought it was interesting, but I’m over here like “gjkfjgfjhg don’t mention that mess to me ever again”.

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset spent the New Year’s Eve by playing sims. This is very...”

I'M LITERALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW

I feel personally attacked

It’s fine, we’ve all been there :D

I think I played sims too this year. Well, first we played some board games with my parents, then there was midnight, I cried, went to see the fireworks (while finishing a bottle of wine but I swear I wasn’t drunk)...oooh and then I watched a stream and edited my sims screenshots! Okay so I didn’t actually play but I edited the pics and like...these are still fun new year’s eve plans, am I right?

melien replied to your photoset “Dawn came over and the two spent hours talking about space.”

I love their outfits! Totally would wear something like this

I like Sunset’s style especially. Well, sometimes she wears clothes I wouldn’t, but for most of the time, it’s just comfy fun stuff I wish I had. Especially considering my dark phase is over and colours are slowly coming back to my closet :D

melien replied to your post “I have some random sims I could share. Anyone interested?”

Ohhhh... on one hand I'd always want sims from you but on the other hand I fear I won't do them justice because idk where to use them rn. Dilemma

pls ask

I’m always down for creating sims for mutuals and friends (I just never talk about it), so just let me know when you want one. Also, I’m sure you would do them justice. I’m really not afraid you would fail there. You know I love everything you do, so... :D

melien replied to your photoset “This guy ♥”

Ending 2018 on a high note

The best note possible

simtress replied to your photoset “Caleb: Isn’t it sad that there are so many ways a vampire can live a...”

i love the name caleb...♥

Me too! I’ve liked it since the first time I had seen it in an English textbook years ago.

dandylion240  replied to your photoset “Oh god please tell me I didn’t accidentally have risky woohoo on or...”

It'd be fun to see what their kid would look like.

I agree and I’m surprised I’ve never played with their genetics. smh ron

cafeheart replied to your photo

okay he's hot but this also makes me uncomfy for some reason asfdlkjaj put him back

jackssims replied to your photo

I agree he’s got a hot vibe going, but this just feels wrong tbajfnakcn

It is kinda weird, I’ll admit that (but “reimagining” him was fun). It’s like...taking away Caleb Vatore’s weird emo hair. I admit I’ve done that once but it was just to mock myself anyway. I wouldn’t do it “for real”. Emo hair must stay. Yes it’s dumb, but also, it’s iconic. we stan dumb hair

I’d say this is something similar. I don’t want to say anything about Ross is iconic, but...you get my point, right?

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Okay, I don’t like this. I have a theory.” Caleb: “I know what...”

👀

The funny thing here is, when I was writing this dialogue, I had no idea what was going to happen later.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I don’t…I don’t ever want this to end.” Ross: “You’re the only...”

Way to dodge that, Caleb

Oh yeah. He’s good at that

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Sunset: I know I said I’d work out today but I really don’t want to…oh...”

mood

An everyday one

alfalfalegacy replied to your photo “Sim Download: Cara Meadows she/her, bisexual Another one. I imagine...”

ahh she's cute! might have to nab her for my private save ;)

Yay, I’m so happy to hear that! :D

jackssims replied to your photoset “Everything about this picture is a big mood. You may tag yourself now.”

Tbh I’m both Caleb and Sunset

Relatable

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Valentine: “Relationships and love aren’t really for me, but attending...”

Ironically her name is ValentineXD

Yup. Exactly. I bet it must be annoying for a person who couldn’t care less about getting into a relationship.

myopiccc replied to your photoset “Sunset wasn’t born to follow the crowd.”

Seriously!?!? I would never know THEY can use an umbrellas clever way! LOL

Lol they sometimes open it inside. Doesn’t seem clever to me :D But yeah, I didn’t expect them to sit down like this.

solarmoodlet replied to your photo “Sim Download: Enric Noel he/him, gay Sometimes a miracle happens and I...”

hes so cute. added him to my save. Tyvm!

Ahhh thank youuu!

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I join you with the last point�� I kinda defeated social anxiety irl but the online anxiety stays. And they say shy people can communicate better online!

melien replied to your post “Simblr 2019 Goals”

I third the online anxiety, glad to know I'm not alone

I wish I could say I defeated it irl as well...things got better (mainly because I just had to get used to it and grow a thicker skin) but I’m still an anxious trainwreck 99 % of the time :D It’s the same online. 

Also, instead of actually starting a conversation with people, I’m always like “oh you know, if you feel like talking to me, just send me a message, I don’t bite” but the problem is I know there’s a lot of us like that here and I’m not the only one with this fear of communication so maybe I should be the one to find the courage once

Wow that didn’t make sense but I think that only proves my point that I’m an anxious trainwreck :D

penelope-and-wonders replied to your photoset “You can put the umbrellas away, guys.”

What fun would that be? ��

Oh right, I can’t have a normal wedding :D It’s a universal rule that I should finally accept. Something would be wrong if everything went right for once.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Leigh Smith she/her, pansexual A long long time ago I...”

Omg, I looove her! ❤️❤️

Thank youuu ♥

green-productivitea replied to your photoset “Sunset: “What can I say? Freaking finally. Took you long enough to...”

The fact that she call him dad :O

Yep, she did. I love the relationship these two have.

yamekamerainbows27 replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Damn Sunset! You tell her girl ��

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “You’re the woman that said she didn’t want a child, and you...”

Go Sunset!

That’s what she deserves

sparkiemonkey replied to your photoset “I mean, Sunset was right. Dawn is adorable.”

she is totally adorable

Up until now I was always saying that this legacy has some Good Genes, now with Dawn it will be more like Cute Genes.

unstablesims replied to your photoset “Marcella: “What are you two doing?” Sunset: “Watching the clouds!...”

let them be dorks in peace!! lmao

Exactly!! No reasons to judge

cafeheart replied to your photoset “I would lie if I said I saw this coming.”

yknow if someone didnt have context for your legacy this kinda looks like caleb is murdering ross asdkfbbd

omg you’re right and I hate that you are right

vampcatsims replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

noooo he's going to leave him at the altar god this is going to hurt so much

omg wow this is where scrolling down and reading new ones before old ones causes reaction mistakes cuz omg this is for realsies isn't it?

kyveria replied to your photoset “Ross: “We’ve taken many risks already and now I’m taking another one,...”

@vampcatsims don’t worry, ross has already had someone leave him at the altar so Caleb is going to stay ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Haha yeah, they’re going to be fine. I think. Can’t promise anything.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “I…how can I say no to this? Yes, Ross. Yes, I will.” Ross:...”

Good! I was scared he was going to say no for a second ����

Imagine if he left him and I’d introduce a new spouse now. Or bring back Jordan. Or Marika.

Omg imagine I’d bring her back and she’d get her “happy little family” she claims she wishes for now.

myopiccc replied to your post “ - fave types of movies?”

Such a tense era! I'm a historic nerd too:)

Yeah, I love it! I mean, I don’t actually love it, there were some bad things happening, no freedom of speech and such, but for me, it’s an interesting era to learn about. I also think it’s important to know about these times because in a way, they’re still so similar to where we are now, we really should look back at them and try to not make the same mistakes...sadly, when I look at the situation in my country...sometimes it feels like people forget. Not just people like me who didn’t experience it and have only learned about it in History classes...feels like even people who have been there forget and it’s sad and frustrating and I wish I could do something about it. Okay rant over.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “Tell me honestly. Did you expect me to change my mind with...”

Nice! But I swear if this somehow backfires and Ross ends up dying...

👀

dandylion240 replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

Ross you better not have died!!

jackssims replied to your photoset “This doesn’t even need a caption.”

/ROSS/

ajkfaglafkghlahgfk I didn’t realize this would seem like he’s dying I’m sorry for causing panic fjaklflk

I just thought it was funny he set himself on fire and Caleb is over there like “nooo I agreed to marry this freak I have made a grave mistake”

princessdejamars replied to your photoset “Ummmm”

oh no not again

Yes. Yes again. And yeah, I could’ve left without saving. I didn’t. I was shocked when it happened and once I realized he’s pregnant again...you should’ve heard my hysterical laughter. Something is wrong with me and I don’t like it.

cafeheart replied to your photoset “Dawn: “Not a chance.”

sunset looks scared shitless asdkfjdbdb

"fhlakhfalklahkjjkij she’s kissing me I wasn’t prepared for this what do I do jgljfkjhlaafkgl”

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: Nothing happened…I’m fine…I’m just gonna give this dog a bath...”

That's totally not going to lead to more problems later, Caleb, if anything *did* happen (/sarcasm)

Yup. It’s totally okay to do that.

jackssims replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Oh fuck

alfalfalegacy replied to your photoset “oh shit”

wow

this is wild haha

Basically my reaction

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Dad, you’re home alone?” Caleb: “I think so.” Stella: “Aw,...”

jlkfdzsjlkfadg She's pregnant, he's pregnant, truly amazing

ikr

That’s a twist I truly didn’t expect at the end of this generation. Not that I’m complaining

jackssims replied to your photoset “Stella: “Anything else?” Caleb: “What? Is there supposed to be...”

/Caleb/

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “And that’s not all…” Ross: “Huh?” Caleb: “Nothing. Forget it.”

//Caleb//

See Ross and Caleb were made for each other because they both have a hard time learning from their mistakes lol

dandylion240 replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

There's a way to bend the rules. Since Ross will become a vampire. He and Caleb have forever to have a child together. So once Sunset takes over as heir I say anything goes for Ross after that �� but that's just me lol

Ooh, technically that could work! I didn’t even think about that. Good point. I don’t think they’ll have children together but I really do like this idea.

jackssims replied to your photoset “Ross: “Is there anything you would like to tell me?” Caleb: “I was...”

Good! Caleb got the courage to tell Ross

I mean he didn’t really have another option at this point

jackssims replied to your photoset “Caleb: “You’re not going to leave me now, are you?” Ross: “I’m...”

Wholesome Ross (he’s really come full circle tbh)

I kept saying he would get better and no one believed me. There you have it guys, he’s a changed person. Character development! :D

simtress replied to your photo “™¥ ♥”

*eeps! she's too cute1

ikr, I miss her ;-;

melien replied to your photoset “Stella: I can’t believe it’s actually raining on my wedding day. We...”

It's a free riiiiide when you've already paid

Is this a reference I am supposed to get

Because I’m dumb and don’t get it lmao

melien replied to your photoset “Sunset: “Say cheese hair!”

So don't ask how I remember it because I'm probably too invested lol but your theme with red hair/blonde(yellow) hair in gen 3 of every legacy? It continues

Omg I didn’t even realize! Sebastian and Lynn started it obviously, then in my Raven Legacy it was a little “easter egg” but this time, it’s a coincidence (a nice coincidence). I guess I just can’t have too many redheads!

melien replied to your photoset “oh shit”

The ultimate plot twist

The plot twist I normally would’ve welcomed but this time, I actually felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve it the first time (aka the time I was petty and did it on purpose) and he didn’t deserve it this time either. But still. Aliens. I can’t just quit the game without saving when it has to do something with them, can I?

melien replied to your post “I WAS HOPING HE WAS PREGNANT WITH HIS FIANCE'S BABY NOT GETTING...”

Maybe babies for them perhaps?

Y’all really want them to have kids huh

melien replied to your photoset “Nooooo Rocket :( He’s old now!”

Can Caleb also turn Rocket? Vampire doggo would be fun

Man I’d love if that was possible (even though...I just imagined him biting the poor dog and that’s kinda weird). Buuuut...there’s something else that I did and it’s almost as good.

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “Sim Download: Minako Ito she/her, lesbian Traits: Good, Loner,...”

All of the Sims you put for download are so pretty! I'm grabbing them all!

Thank you so much ;-;

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photo “i was enchanted to meet you”

Aaahh nostalgia!

I knoooow ;-; I love them and I miss them and I want to play with them again

I mean I could, first I’d just have to finish the high school story and that’s...highly unlikely lol

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “oh shit”

Aliens are in love with him that's true

New otp: Caleb/Aliens. Oh that's weird

They have a weird thing for Calebs

If you guys know a Caleb irl protect them

If you are a Caleb, well...I’m sorry

tiny-tany-thaanos replied to your photoset “Rocket: Hey I’m old, just thought you should know…oh nevermind what...”

This is somehow sad=((

Yeah. I love this little dog so much :(

[jaredsnapshots]

Life Thru a Lens||Jaricio

Tagging: @beniciomotta​ Where: Hotel Lobby -> Cafe When: March 16, 2019 What: Jared and Benicio literally bump into each other and decide to get to know each other

Jared kept his head down as he walked through the lobby of the hotel, his hair windswept from skating around town. San Francisco had surprised him with a ton of different places to explore, and he was excited to see them all. However, if someone was looking closely enough, they would see a small bashful smile, the same one he'd been wearing since he'd seen Benicio's answer his fan question. It wasn't often he was complemented, let alone like that. He was so distracted that he didn't realize that other people were walking around him. He bumped hard into someone, breaking him out of his daze. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I wasn't pay attention-" 

Benicio was heading out to lunch. He didn’t know where his friends were so figured he’d just go out and grab something quickly. He was dressed casually, his usual crop top and thick 80s style blue jeans, having showered after a dance rehearsal that morning. He was staring down at his phone though as he walked through the lobby, not paying attention until he ran right into someone. He gasped, hands moving to grab the boy’s shoulders out of instinct, blinking as he stepped back and grinned softly, “Hey, Hey no worries, gorgeous boy. I wasn’t either. So sorry, too!”

Jared had reached out and caught the other's elbows on reflex. His eyes widened slightly as he realized who it was, his face turning bright red. He laughed nervously, his smile shy as he shook his head. "It's no problem at all. You all good?"

Benicio grinned softly, his eyes warm as he looked at the boy. “Yeah, you?” He asked, rubbing his shoulder in a friendly action. “You’re Jared. The Spider-Man photographer”

Jared smiled back, nodding before ducking his head with a laugh. "Yeah-yeah I'm fine. And yes that's me. Never a nickname I thought would stick, but here we are. And you're Benicio, yeah? I pronounced it correctly, right?"

Benicio chuckled, before nodding with a happy grin, “You certainly did, sweetheart. It’s great to officially meet you.” He held out a hand then, eyes sparkling.

"Oh good, I'm horrible with names sometimes, I'm glad I got it right," he rambled, glancing down at the other's hand, grabbing it and shaking it. "It's great to officially meet you too," he said with a crooked smile. "Um, also, thanks for-for what you said, in response to that question. It's not every day someone goes outside their three for a special mention, nor every day anyone thinks I'm cute," he joked, stumbling over his words slightly, still not having let go of Benicio's hand.

Benicio’s grin softened, eyes warm as he listened to him speak, tilting his head at first in confusion before catching on and laughing happily. “Oh! You’re entirely welcome, gorgeous boy.  And surely that can’t be true? Don’t you have a doting girlfriend?”

Jared's smile fell for a moment as he saw the confusion but he sighed in relief quickly afterwards. He laughed, shaking his head. "Ah, no- no girlfriend. Between the traveling and the general lack of interest, I'm very single," he chuckled, before noticing he still had a grasp on the other's hand. He let go gently, grinning sheepishly. "Sorry," he laughed softly.

Benicio chuckled and nodded, “I feel that,” he replied, before glancing down at their hands still clasped, grinning a little as the boy finally let go. “But I can hardly imagine there’s a lack of interest, darling?”

Jared shrugged softly. "No idea. I was...typically something of a loner in high school," he admitted. "I had a small group of friends, but never really managed to get outside of that. Then, right out of high school, I couldn't stay in one place," he rambled quietly. "Who knows, maybe it's just not for me," he said, smiling tightly.

Benicio smiled just softly as he spoke, before straightening up and tilting his head, “Hey- I was literally just heading out for lunch? Are you hungry? Maybe we could continue talking over food?”

Jared smiled slightly, nodding his head. "You sure? I don't want to impose, if you were meeting anyone...?" he trailed off, his own awkward and inefficient way of asking if Benicio was seeing anyone.

“No! I was literally gonna go sit on my own because I couldn’t find anyone. I’d love the company,” he grinned softly again, hoping the boy would take him up on his offer. He was cute, and he knew making friends with photographers was always a good move if you wanted a portfolio. Not that that was the only reason he wanted to have lunch with Jared. The guy was sweet.

Jared's grin widened as he nodded again. "Then by all means, yeah, I'd love to," he said, pulling his board up and sliding it behind him through the arms of his backpack. He wasn't quite sure what it was about the other boy, but he was excited to spend time with him. Maybe it was because he was one of the more unique people of the tour, but Jared was intrigued. He was eager to find out more about him. "So, you made the post about the Castro district, right? Have you gotten a chance to check it out?"

Benicio clapped his hands together and grinned, “Yay! Fabulous. Let’s go. I was heading to this cafe place I found online, is that okay?” He started walking then, glancing back at him, “I am. And not properly yet. I think a few of us are going out tonight!”

"Yeah, that's fine," he murmured, smiling warmly as he watched the excitement pour from the other boy. He followed after him, quickening his pace briefly to fall in step with him. "Nice, it sounds like a good time. I was thinking about heading over there this afternoon. There's too many colors over there for me to not go take pictures."

“Oh, of course!” Benicio replied,  glancing at him as they walked together. “I bet you could get some amazing shots there.” It didn’t take them long to arrive at the cafe and sit down at a table, Beni ordering himself a water to drink before he started glancing over the menu. “So, how’d you end up with Cordella?”

Jared nodded in agreement, opening the door to the cafe for both of them and following Benicio inside. He ordered the same as he looked at the other boy. "Sheer luck, honestly. I'd been doing some freelance for a magazine, and they had an in at Cordella; heard they were looking for photographers. The whole, reality tv part threw me off for a minute, but it's an incredible opportunity. I'd have been an idiot to turn it down," he said, thanking the waiter for the water and ordering a sandwich. "How about you? What brought you here?"

Benicio nodded with a soft grin still, taking a sip of his water, “That sounds awesome. And me? I was dancing professionally beforehand, but mainly doing work as a choreographer for shows back home in Vegas. Then I heard Lia Lopez was looking for backup dancers for the tour and that the entire thing would involve a reality show, I was sold. Went in for the auditions and managed to get it. So, here I am.”

Jared's brow shot up as he grinned. "Here you are. Damn, that's incredible. What's it like, living in Vegas?"

Benicio chuckled, “It’s wonderful. Tacky as hell, neon lights, a party every night. I already miss it.” 

Jared smiled and nodded. "That sounds about right. I visited briefly as I made my way out here. It was amazing, definitely a place I'd like to go back to."

Benicio grinned and nodded too, “If you’re ever around after the tour just hit me up. I can get you free cirque de soleil tickets. I know people.”

Jared’s eyes widened as his face split into a grin. “I will definitely take you up on that, that’s the dream. And likewise, if you’re ever in New York, I can hook you up with Broadway tickets...for some shows anyway.”

Benicio raised his eyebrows at that, grinning, “No way, really? That’d be awesome. I love most Broadway so definitely!”

Jared smiled and nodded. “Yeah, it’d be no problem. I’ve done a lot of promo shots for a few of the theaters, it has its perks.” He took a sip of his water and sat back against. “So, what’s your story? Before Cordella, I mean.”

Benicio grinned softer, “That’s awesome,” he said, pausing a moment as they both ordered their food, before turning his attention back to the other. “In what sense? I mean- I grew up in Vegas, I always wanted to dance. My papà didn’t love it, but he wasn’t awful honestly. We were just never close.”

Jared chuckled softly, nodding. “It is something of a vague question,” he said quietly. “Did he have other plans or just...not a fan?”

“Just not a fan, really. But he was alright because he adored my sister. She was a regular daddy’s girl, so took up most of his attention,” he explained, “which granted me time to take dance classes and acrobatics and gymnastics.”

Jared kept his eyes trained on him, his gaze soft as he listened. “I feel that,” he murmured quietly, before smiling. “So what got you into dance and gymnastics, and everything?”

“Seeing the performers in Vegas, on Fremont street. There was this group of female performers. Dancers but also skilled in acrobatics. I used to go to every show and watch wide eyed. They were incredible.”

Jared’s smile grew as he listened, nodding along. “It sounds it, I can definitely see why you’d be inspired.”

Benicio smiled warmly and nodded, “What about you? What got you into photography?”

Jared smiled back, finding himself a little more drawn to the other’s smile than he ever thought he’d be. “Pure happenstance, I think. When I was five, my parents got me a little like instant camera. It wasn’t a lot, I think the film roll only had like 24 pictures worth on it, but I loved it instantly. Obviously, being five, I wasn’t an artistic genius or anything, though I knew how to take a damn good picture of the corner of a coffee table,” he grinned, chuckling softly. “But it just grew with me, and I explored more, got daring with it, and here we are.”

Benicio grinned wider at that, leaning his elbows on the table and resting his chin in his hands as he watched the other talk. There was nothing he loved more than seeing someone talk about their passion. “That’s really cute. And really great how it grew into your passion and your career. You’re obviously very talented. I was meaning to ask if you’d got any pictures of me, or if not, to let me know if you do.”

Jared ducked his head bashfully as he grinned to himself. He perked up though as he heard the last part, nodding his head. I’ve got a few, actually, yeah. I have them, actually, if you want to see them,” he said pointing to his backpack.

Benicio perked up ever more at that, eyebrows raising, “You do? Oh my gosh, I’d love to see them!”

Jared smiled earnestly. “Yeah? Yeah, okay, um, give me a second.” He turned to open his bag, pulling out his laptop and opening it up. “There’s a few that are unedited, but...” he trailed off, clicking through his files to bring up Beni’s folder, before grinning proudly. “Hopefully there’s something in there you like and can use,” he finished, turning the computer around to the other boy. It was mostly performance shots from the shows, but the end of the roll held quite a few candid shots from backstage and their shared tour bus.

Benicio quickly pulled his chair closer to the others, biting his bottom lip as he waited patiently before peering closer at the laptop. His lips parted then as he gasped softly, smiling almost shyly, “Oh my god, these are incredible, Jared-“

Jared watched him with a sheepish smile. It was his favorite part of his job, showing the people the photos he had taken of them. This was new though, a certain nervous energy washed through him. Whether it be because he was getting his first feedback on his work from the tour, or the subject in front of him. His eyes drifted back to the computer, watching as he moved through the photos. “Well, you’re incredible, so it translates well,” he murmured before he could realize what he was saying.

Benicio glanced up at him at that, a happy grin tugging st his lips at he raised his eyebrows again. “You think I’m incredible?”

Jared blinked at the question, the realization washing over him instantly. He chuckled nervously, a hand running over his face as he nodded. “I mean, I’m only just now getting to know you, but...I mean yeah. You’re an incredible dancer, you move with a passion that’s kind of insane; electric. And then, I don’t know, the way you interact with other people, and just are. Like, that smile there,” he pointed out, his face beet red as he couldn’t stop himself from rambling. “There’s a certain life there, it’s...incredible,” he finished, hiding his head in his hand.

Benicio blinked at that, not having expected any of that to come out his mouth, his cheeks flushing just slightly. He ducked his head before glancing back up at him, a shy grin tugging at his lips but clearly flattered. “I don’t think anyone’s ever said something so nice about me,” he said with a soft chuckle, reaching out to pull the boy’s hand away from his face.

Jared groaned but smiled softly, letting the other move his hand as he shook his head. "I'm sure that's not true," he murmured. "Sorry, I do try to keep the 'you're incredibly talk' to at least 24 hours after I meet a person," he joked quietly, glancing back at the computer.

Benicio squeezed his hand before dropping it gently, eyes warm, "It is. And I'm not complaining, you're really sweet, Jared."

"Then no one's been paying attention, and for that I'm sorry," he murmured, smiling at him and reaching over to continue moving through the pictures. "And I have my moments, thankfully."

Benicio grinned, his eyes sparkling as he kept his eyes on the boy a little longer than necessary, before glancing back at the photos. "Can I post any of these on my instagram?" he asked then, "With credit of course."

Jared nodded, stopping on a picture and sliding it back to Benicio. "Yeah, any ones you want, they're yours," he grinned happily, leaning on his elbow on the table.

“You’re amazing,” Benicio said, leaning forward to look at the photos. “You manage to capture so much. I don’t get it.”

Jared chuckled softly, eyes trailing back to the other to watch him. He shifted quietly, reaching to pull a smaller camera out of his bag, one that was good and compact enough to go on small little adventures with. He held it up to his face, taking a moment to frame the shot just right and leaning back when needed. He quietly took the picture, a small snap sounding before he lowered it again. “There’s so much to see,” he finally responded, setting the camera down on the table. “I’ve always seen the world a certain way. I just strive to let others see things and others as I do.”

Benicio didn't notice whatsoever, completely immersed in the different photos on the laptop screen. He glanced back eventually, grinning softly as he nodded, "That's pretty incredible."

Jared smiled back at him, shrugging softly. "It's the not worst job I could have," he teased softly, leaning back in his seat and rubbing his finger gently across the table as he continued to watch him. Yeah, not a bad job at all.

[howlscifer]

i’m the anon from pabllovitr id love to get your input on starting commissions as i know nothing lol

Hello there! Yeah, I'd be glad to share from personal experience, and as always, to preface, this is just how I've approached commissions and figuring out what's best for me! If you have further questions, feel free to contact me off anon :)

01. First steps. If you don’t already have some templates / graphics / gifs or whatever you’re attempting to get commissioned for work with, I’d work on starting that! This is the best way to promote what you can do as well as showing your own personal style and preferences! That and the more you do it, the more confident you will be with understanding how to do different things within the program. 

02. If you’ve done the above, awesome, now I’d go towards figuring out your commission set up! This is beyond just pricing but consider what you can offer and what you can provide for people. ( You can view my gif or graphics commission page to get a general example ) For the gifs I try to price around the same as other content creators ( I do think it’s best to reference other creators given that you don’t want to sell yourself short but you also want to be at an equal market price / lol some basic economics anyways ) . As for graphics ( through the time and experience and flexibility I have, I do price up for the quality & detail & effort I put into psds ), my process towards it is fairly extensive & my turn around time is what I’d consider pretty quick should it be needed.  Whenever I do get commissioned for graphics, these are some things I keep in mind for my creative process ( these don’t get accounted for in terms of how I price but it’s what I request for / do to help me create the best of what I can )

pinterest board researching / set up ( I put in extra time to sift through images that’ll match the roleplay that’s being made as well as checking in with the commissioner that it matches their vision, this also helps with maintaining the images are HD enough to be used without comrpomising the quality ) 

typography / font style preferences ( some people can be pickier about their vision while others less so )

references ( I’ve gotten requests to use certain photos, mimic certain styles, use frames, dont use borders, etc etc. )

editional 2 to 3 edits per graphic before upcharging ( case by case basis but this does help you in terms of time and how much you need to redo and re-edit a graphic ) 

03. Someone’s interested in commissioning you, yay! So when people do approach me with an interest to commission, I do try to get an idea of the following. 

What is the rp about

What is the rp design and style they’re looking for

How many graphics / templates ( maybe add ons via codes or videos do they need? ) 

What is the complexity level of their request ( do they have a specific vision in mind & references of what they like? ) 

Will I be able to create from start to finish to fit all their needs 

How long will this take me to complete & how soon do they need these finished by

A price that would be fair to the hours I put into creating each template that would go above and beyond in satisfying the commissioner. 

*I’m really flexible in designing in however style is needed but if you’re new to designing, it can be harder to challenge yourself out of your comfort zone. You definitely want to be able to please the people who are paying for what you can create so I wouldn’t accept a commission if it’s not within my capabilities. 

04. Awesome, you’ve done the steps above, this is when I’d consider pricing & how to go about charging where it’s fair to you and the commissioner. And as always, unspoken but to denote that you’re credited somewhere on the rp for what you’ve created. For all of my graphics, I always charge 50% upfront and 50% at the end. Every time I present any of the pieces of I’ve create to show what I’ve been doing, I watermark the image. When the commission is completed and the commissioner pays the remainder of the balance, that’s when the final zips are sent over with PSDs & the example watermarks. 

Payments can be done through either paypal or kofi but just as a note: both sites deduct via transfer fees so you will lose out on about $1 or $2. 

I’ve had commissions be done halfway and the remainder of the graphics nulled due to personal situations or time. In that case, you’ve gotten paid 50% upfront already so you can shoot over whatever’s existing and should they come back at a later time, you can always either pick up where you started or re-negotiate depending on whatever’s needed now! If you’re over halfway complete with the commission, instead of 50% of the remaining price, it’d be a 25% charge instead. 

05. Lastly this is just a me thing but I do like to follow up with those who’ve commissioned me by giving them a little shout out / reblog on my graphics blog at notoriousgraphics ( if they allow it ) as a means to highlight the work and to showcase a new rp in the tags! Should there be any issues with the templates or graphics from this point on, I don’t mind helping & fixing if my schedule permits it.  

I tried to be as though rough as possible but these are just some of the general guidelines on how to approach commissions (mainly for graphics) I really hope it helps and if you ever have questions, again, my inbox & ims are open to chat and I can be reached via my discord graphics server as well! ( linked here ) 

[weddingdressesdubai-blog1]

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Wedding Dresses Dubai

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Top Quality Wedding Dresses

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For more wedding dresses Dubai see the resources below.

Resources

Wedding Dresses in Dubai Elizabeth Di Naya Bridals

Wedding Dresses Dubai - Yola.com

10 Tips for Choosing Your Wedding Dress | Martha Stewart Weddings