#also with fear of being misunderstood
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A lot of people don't quite seem to understand queerplatonic relationships at first glance, because at their core, they are designed to be undefinable. Their existence is inherently critical of the pre-established idea of what relationships and attraction means, which is why people seem to think they don't stand up to scrutiny.
Several people intuitively insist on trying to fit queerplatonic neatly in between "friendship" and "romance" in the relationship hierarchy. As if they're inherently something "more" than a friend but "less" than a romantic relationship. However, from my understanding, this is the exact thing the label of queerplatonic is actively trying to fight against.
I'm not saying that this isn't what some queerplatonic relationships are, in a sense, but it's certainly not all of them. Queerplatonic relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and do so by design. There is nothing you can't do in a queerplatonic relationship and nothing you can't feel. Once you start venturing into the community you will find queerplatonic relationships where people have sex, queerplatonic relationships where there is romantic attraction involved on some level, queerplatonic relationships that are prioritized less than friendships, people who have romantic relationships, but are more actively committed to their queerplatonic partner, and plenty of other variations.
Queerplatonic partners are not inherently a "leveled up" version of friendship. They are not inherently a romantic relationship but without the romance. "Queerplatonic" is a word that exists in defiance of the way mainstream society views relationships and their hierarchies altogether. The point of it is not to lie on a sliding scale between friendship and romance, but rather to acknowledge that the widespread understanding of relationships doesn't include us. We have made the active decision to carve out our own space for this reason. Where we set the expectations, feel the ways we feel, and do the things we do, without anyone telling us it's not correct or enough.
That's why they're important. That's why it is a useful label, especially to aspec people, who have often felt alienated from relationship definitions and specificity in feelings. And I think it's important to acknowledge that.
#this probably comes across as kind of pretentious#I'm not saying this like a scholar but as someone who has been in a qpr for several years by now#I find some of the surface level discussions I see about it a bit tiring sometimes is all#also with fear of being misunderstood#I just want to say that this is not me trying to police how you view your personal qpr(s)#it is the opposite of that in fact sjfdkl#I'm sure people have said what I just said better than me but these are my two cents#queerplatonic#qpr
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Why is having a squish/friend crush so nerve wracking and difficult but also kind of a breeze bc it's not romantic
#ranting in the tags#it's harmless! it's not a romantic crush at all!#literally had the thought of “hey what if i asked this person to like. hang out outside class”#and then my brain went “GIRL THAT'S GONNA GET MISINTERPRETED SO FAST”#(realized that i'd essentially be. asking them out and uh. my intent but also not)#i wanna get to know them as a person#not get in their pants#just guh. the fear of being misunderstood and accidentally pushing them away! yay!!!#the thing is. i'm down to tell them! but like. i have not had them in a 1 on 1 situation to do so like. ever.#what do you expect me to do. blurt it out in class? fuck no.#*head in hands*
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@kiisuuumii (where's april 1st?) [after (my heart is a house, and i'm trying to give you a tour)]
#poetblr#poets community#poem#poetry#original poem#realized how ambiguous the way i ended 'my heart...' and got bothered by it enough#how fun it is to be a poet while also having a fear of being misunderstood#;v;#kiisuuumii#☆
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There's just like a lot of things about me that make me feel like I'm profoundly unlovable
#GDKSGJSHSKHSKSHHELP I'M. I FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY I DROPPED IT BACK THEN#LIKE. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS. ESP WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE#bruh my brain came up w the phrase 'bootleg incel' anf i nearly choked on my drink about it GSKGSAHSGKS#BUT IT'S LIKE. 100% . I HAVE A LOT OF DEEPLY ROOTED INSECURITIES THAT JUST. FUCK ME OVER#and make me see shrimp colors like oh this is a very lovely story where one character is#deeply misunderstood and ostracized and feared and dehumanized and they've spent their entire life alone#and also she's a hot space girl. OBVIOUSLY THE GUY IS GONNA FALL IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT#LIKE. LIKE. and it is sooooooo love at first sight and it's super sweet but like THE SHRIMP COLORS. HURTING ME#and i KNOW. i'm the one who's being stupid about it. like objectively it's a fun story and it's cute and exciting#but man. i am just one evil concoction of a guy. there are a lot of things about me that make me feel unlovable.#not only am i undesirable i also just do it wrong. i fit into zero social conventions and i pay the price for it#SWAGEVER...............#anyways i do recommend sazan and comet girl if only for the artwork but also. it's cute#there's just something wrong with me. deeply.#still reading it btw i just needed to get all this junk out of my system LMFAO#THE. INADEQUACIES..............#from my art to just all of me. as a person.#normal guy.
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Home posting again
#it’s been less than 48 hours that I’ve been here and I’m-#discussion of self harm warning#- already having urges to relapse. vague ones with no intent to follow through but Jesus#I don’t get why they even fucking want me here when I’m always so combative within a day of being here#I don’t really know how to stop it either our communication just breaks down so badly#I don’t want to fight and I don’t want to feel like this. I guess that’s just what Christmas brings#and being home makes me feel so so so so lonely#I still get texts back and I talk to people I guess but also I become so aware of every text I don’t get back and get so in my head#bc I don’t wanna be so so so annoying and overbearing but that’s my nature. that’s what I do. this bed and this room hold so many memories#I don’t even feel like I’m representing myself right with these words. I wanna go on a walk and listen to 21p but I’ve got an essay to do#I keep wanting to send things that I think will strain relationships. I will overstep I’ll show a little too much and I’ll be misunderstood#or understood. in a way that makes people less interested in spending time with me#full of anger and fear and tears#mom also made a nasty dinner. so I’m hungry and only ate part of a bad meal but that’s my best option for food rn#I want to be needy and emotional but I can’t go where I want to with it. I know there are ppl that would be there but it’s not who I want#WHATEVER. I have a paper to write.
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ok made some edits on the post and on my pinned (because i did mean to put a tag on the poll and i fucked up and didn't i'm sorry but it is there now!!!) but i hope it is abundantly clear to everyone that i did not make a poll about dan and phil daddy kink because i actually care about whether they have a daddy kink, or because i want any actual information about their real sex life. i get misunderstanding this because we all do what we think internally is right and i get that this might be a big point of divergence but i feel like we can tell that i'm kidding here. and that i do not care about dan and phil's sex life. and that i cannot fathom that me making a post about them having a daddy kink is going to have a substantial negative impact on their life. and that if i thought it was intrusive for me to make a post online about them having a daddy kink in a way that is framed jokingly (re: the winning answer is that they say it simultaneously which is not a thing that happens in the real world 👍) then i would not have made the post because i care about human beings. are we cool on this. are we cool on this
#i'm realizing i might have a trait of needing to overexplain my thoughts out of fear of being misunderstood#because this is a deeply unnecessary post but i feel like i should. say this#because i am a little jarred by the insinuation that i did that to be intrusive#also yes i clearly made this post for a reason but do not be a dick to the person who is the reason why i made this#because then i will literally fucking kill you with hammers
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Red lights spin, the alarms are going off
-An intruder.
Run around, pick what you gotta fast, they know I'm here
-This is gonna be fun.
Shit. They got me
-Too easy.
...
-...
Here my life lies, my future spilling from my head, I can barely feel my body
And they laugh, they laugh so bastardly, I wish I could have the strength to cry it out
It's helpless. I'm helpless
...
And then, the first hit
And the second
And the third
All cooled out
Do I have to wonder where I got this from? I can't afford that, the pipe leads my way
-Oh, it's you again.
Rush through, knock them, it's about survival now
-Now this is where the fun begins.
Gunshots
-My specialty.
And I bleed
-And you bleed.
The adrenaline gets to me
-Precious wounds from you for me.
Your boys are down
-We're alone
You're alone
-And so scared. My heart rushes. You...it's you!
-You're War! You're what I have been looking for!
-Please...! Your end! My end! All here and now!
I'm just so tired, and I don't feel like working overtime
-What...?
My shift's over. I'm done here.
-No...! NO!
#perceptive little crow#omg hiiiii hi hello. i made some connections and I'm going insane <3#'have you completely misunderstood another character?' yes i did <3#i just believe it would be super cool if he was like. completely idealizing the idea of teo as like. a symbol of violence and war#man so obsessed with that bitch he'd go insane over one (1) woman almost killing his stupid ass#bc he didn't feel that kind of rush and struggle and fear and ecstasy for so long. he wants more#and he dreams of the day they can finally get each other's hands on each other. and fight tooth and nail til one falls#and only bc this is about him specifically but I'd also love to talk about teo's potential weight on her shoulders that would be being#the first of like. an entirely new professional career? and a potentially dangerous one at that? like how she'd be the one to set just *so*#many standards about how to deal with myths...oh. how lovely that sounds#ok enough rambling for tonight#I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION#bc he doesn't get to fight his 'goddess' he lashes out to anyone on her same field. bc he seems them as mere troops which do nothing but#stay in the way of 'their righteous fight'#but also as a way to get even a drop of the same adrenaline he felt that day#ok that's all
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just read a tweet that said louis is armand's surrogate fledgling and i feel unwell
#like this is absolutely right; armand craves the specific companionship of maker and fledgling#but fears the alienation that the lack of psychic connection would bring as (at least in the books i've read so far) he favors telepathy#and louis also craves the intimacy of maker and fledgling but this time he doesn't fear being misunderstood/misinterpreted#and both of them can pretend that this relationship is more equal than it is bc they aren't Actually maker/fledgling;they're 'peers'#(they aren't. armand is FAR more powerful than lestat and could hurt louis Very badly if he wanted to. the difference is he doesn't want to#tl;dr: louis wants to be baby and armand wants to take care of him#vampterview
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My house is in front of a straight stretch of road in the middle of nowhere so I get loud cars blasting by from time to time, and every time I hear one go by I leap onto my chair to look at it go and smile and wish that I could see it closer. Whenever I am in a public place that is within sight of a road I try to make sure I sit somewhere with a visual on it so that if I hear a loud car I don't get the regret that I wasn't able to see it. Every time I happen to be around a loud car as it drives by I laugh and smile and get a good mood. This has been the case since I was a child, and now I have a car. It's not very loud (and I don't operate it obnoxiously nor play loud music - I'm not sure if the post is about people revving needlessly or blasting music or just cars that are loud in normal driving or all three), but its old age means that it would not surprise me whatsoever if very few people were impressed by it, and I've had people literally tell me to my face that cars like mine should be pressed into a cube. But for one, I like it, so I don't care. And for two, there is a handful of people out there whose day will be made by me driving by, and I know because I am one, and a single one of them is worth a thousand haters.
Do loud cars wake you up? Whine about that! If I had a loud car and you told me I woke you up by blasting by I would be mortified and seek to avoid that happening in the future. Are loud cars an issue for your job? Whine about that! If you told me "My job is in recording and your car blasting by ruined my take" I would apologize and seek to avoid that in the future. Are you talking about cars loud enough to cause hearing damage? You can literally report them to the police because that means they are not legal (unlike fucking motorcycles, which I guess are free to go ahead and blast their exhausts a foot from my face while their riders enjoy the hearing protection they would probably gladly do without because deafening yourself is cool but I digress). Do any or all of those apply? Then boy is it ever not a great idea to set them aside and instead tell loud car owners "We are not impressed by your car", the single thing they are least likely to care about. I mean, think about it. If they are someone who wants you to like them, what'll hit harder, "You annoy me and I extend my opinion to the world" or "You are actually causing people concrete grievances they are going to hold against you and your like"?
And frankly, what - do you think they even should care what you think? If someone made a post that said "no one is impressed by your neon shirt. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead" would you throw your neon shirt away?
If there is any chance these people care about you at all, it will be about your health, or at least your comfort. Not your approval. As should be.
i mean this from the bottom of my heart: no one is impressed by your loud ass car. actually we talked about it and we all want you dead.
#i appreciate that i am inevitably going to sound mad to many of you#especially any stranger who'll think “hah - who could ever write a Tumblr post this long without being engulfed in rage?”#(oh dear stranger IF ONLY)#still#do you remember that time i went over the eBay auction timer. do you remember how mad i sounded then. yeah. this is not mad me.#i just want people who aren't mad for good reason to recognize that and those who are to express that because that helps both the groups.#however -this being the clarified version already- if someone STILL reblogs or replies or sends an anon ask the likes of#“well *I* don't like it ALSO tho so what do you have to say about that you public disturbance apologist”#you are going to see *sassy* me as i will publicly and deservedly drag them for failing the reading comprehension test#enough with fostering functional illiteracy by letting a crippling fear of being misunderstood push us to consider it something to cater to#i will still obviously regret posting this but oh well#what's this account made for if not to have a bit of fun and to expose people who are not into cars to a different perspective
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written by me :)
how can I expect anyone to see me, understand me, when they refuse to see the issues that affect me?
background photo found on Pinterest. artist- ???
#overstimulated#assaulted by the truth#willful ignorance#based on#current world events#that so many people prefer to ignore#also about#fear of being perceived#writing#poetry#poets on tumblr#original poem#autistic writer#autism#selective mutism#inspired by life#misunderstood autistic traits
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finally got around to watching tazza (2006) and it sparked an evilive related inquiry in my mind...
you know in ep3 how ohjae holds his mic in a lil funny upright style?
well peep this gamblingrelated gangster's eerily similar pose in tazza (2006)
so my question is: is ohjae's stance a reference to this? is it a coincidence? is it referencing something even older that i haven't gotten to yet? are these two going up against each other in a 1v1 rap battle?
#ilml#relatedly there was a character in this with the same nickname i had already given one of the OCs in my current wip...#which is actually pretty cool#i wish dongsoo actually gambled in evilive#well no i don't but i just want to see him lose everything in each and every possible way#he's better as a mastermind but god do i want to put him on the casino cruise ship for extended periods of time#unrelatedly. one of the guys that i work with (IRL AT MY IRL JOB) went on a cruise recently and he was telling me about it..#it was his first ever cruise and he had a blast and he's already planning to go again because he enjoyed it so much#what exactly did he enjoy? the casino on the ship... yup... yupppp......... thats right..... casino cruise ship reality..........#but seriously re: these micboys... no way its a coincidence... right?#and also also re: my current wip... wading through ~17k of unedited/incomplete slop of it right now#it WILL take me a LONG time to finish. but i have basically every beat planned out (LIE) so it won't be too HARD it'll just take forever...#i have MOST of it planned but with the way i write new things pop up as i go... so... yeah... who knows...#itll be so fucking long lol its gonna be a pain in the ass.#i wish so badly i could share with you my funny plans and awesome snippets but alas... you must wait...#and i must also wait...#its so hard writing alone T_T#everything i have written for the past 5 years i have had a sort of writing partner to help survive the painstaking passion of storytelling#but in the case of evilive i am ALL ALONE and i drive myself fucking CRAZY in my docs alllll alone oh goodness all alone...#its my fault tho i should chat more on here but MY FEAR OF BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.. it is strong.. overwhelming.. very difficult to overcome#ok that is all. do you think ohjae's pose is a tazza reference OR do you think i am WRONG?#bye bye i love you! see you later!
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as this has taken off considerably, which i did not anticipate, i would like to clarify that the understanding of the form i speak of here is distinct from “love of the work”. to postulate that good satire must emerge from a place of personal love for what it is satirical of, for example, is a perspective that blatantly ignores the history and intent of satire. i don't think catch-22 works as a novel because joseph heller loved military bureaucracy, it works because (among other things) the continuous use of paradox as a stylistic tool reflects heller's own experiences encountering the absurdity of military logic.
in the context of fairy tales, lack of emotional attachment is not the problem. i believe the problem is a generally condescending and distinctly literary attitude around a form that often rejects literary structure, frequently coming out of a history of oral storytelling specifically among poor communities, which is altered through telling, and later through collecting, and later still through rewriting in an attempt at pedagogy (to say nothing of the précieuses). many attempts to reimagine, satirize, or pastiche fairy tales seem to me to fail because they are not approaching the medium of “fairy tale” as a legitimate medium on its own. people who love fairy tales do this, too, and i do not think presuming emotion is a solid base for any kind of artistic criticism. it does not matter if you like fairy tales. you just have to be able to pick them apart and understand how they work.
tl;dr satire does not require love to be good, and i made this post because i fucking love the musical into the woods and you can watch the complete obc proshot (with generally accurate closed captioning) here
it’s very easy to tell the good satires and pastiches from the bad ones because the bad ones are too afraid to live within the form. like if you are doing work with fairy tales and you are refusing to look closer at the underlying logic and unspoken rules of what can seem at first to be a senseless form, you are not going to create meaningful work. to borrow a turn of phrase originally used by maria tatar, if you refuse to enter “the house of fairy tale” as anything more than a gawking tourist, you will miss the particular order to the way the table is set, the rooms that are locked vs the rooms that are simply difficult to enter, the set of the floorboards and the position of the furniture. whatever you build will then be a gilded imitation of how you believe the house of fairy tale ought to look, the table set according to your educated specifications and every door open. there can be no interrogation of themes from a writer who views the form as beneath them!
#it speaks!#not actually mad or anything i hope it doesnt come off that way! i really was not expecting this post which i made after rewatching ->#<- one of my favorite musicals for the first time as an adult to take off like this & i wanted to plug it#being misunderstood is a fear of mine. i am glad people are getting something out of this though even if it wasnt my intent!#also anyone who wants to talk about fairy tales with me .. do let me know!#OH. also i think the link is time stamped and im not sure how to fix it. im abt to go to sleep. but do not be deterred my friends
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having the biggest surprised pikachu face moment right now, finding out about cool people in the town I've lived in for most of my life and believed to be boring, kinda hostile towards me and unspectacular as all hell.
Well yes, obviously I'll experience cool things and see/meet cool people and learn how everything's kinda connected in one way or another if I actively participate in the daily workings of this town instead of being permanently choked by mental illness, trapped in my own head and living in permanent fear of getting harmed by everyone around me, especially the people in charge of my life!!!!
#the years of being confined to my room either as punishment for uncomfortable symptoms of unchecked mental illnesses#or later on my distrust and fear of other people and being misunderstood and mistreated#all of it has done so much damage to my entire everything. i feel like a child discovering the world for the very first time#and i mourn the fact i couldn't experience it the past 20 years due to life circumstances#but i'm also glad to be right here right now. awkward and inexperienced as i am. but so glad to experience it all now
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Why I Love Caitlyn, and Why You Hate Her
⚠️ READER DISCRETION: I am not condoning Caitlyn’s actions and behavior, I am simply exploring the depth of her character and explaining what motivated her pursuit of revenge.
There’s no denying the gravity of Caitlyn’s actions as they are unquestionably wrong. However, her character cannot be reduced to these actions alone. This sudden, devastating behavior of hers is shaped by a thread of complex motivations and circumstances, but many choose not to acknowledge this simply because of her elite background.
Like many others, I initially overlooked the point of the gassing in Zaun, which I think is a crucial thing everyone must first understand before diving into the discourse over Caitlyn's character.
The Grey, often misunderstood as being used indiscriminately, was strategically deployed against the Chem-Barons to limit collateral damage. Caitlyn chose precision over chaos, targeting those directly responsible for Zaun’s turmoil. Furthermore, Caitlyn didn’t kill the Chem-Barons; she captured them, with net-deploying bullets. While her methods are controversial, they reflect a calculated approach; mischaracterizing her raid as a reckless attack ignores these details.
This isn’t to deny or excuse the fact that Caitlyn did, indeed, gas Zaun. Who’s to say that gas didn’t seep into the streets where innocent Zaunites roamed, harming them in the process? It’s entirely possible that innocents were affected and devastated. However, my brief explanation is only added to gain better perspective over the objectives of the gassing itself.
Now moving on, despite her privileged upbringing, Caitlyn shows a genuine effort to understand and connect with Zaunites. She places her trust in Vi, a Zaunite she’s never met before, to guide her in her search for Silco. Her journey through the undercity opens her eyes to the struggles of its people, challenging her perspective.
In S1E4, when investigating the airship attack, she encounters an undercity resident and reassures him, “I can protect you.” Later in the season, when Vi gets stabbed, Caitlyn encounters someone formerly connected to Vi. He’s grown a distaste over himself due to his appearance, and yet Caitlyn embraces him with compassion and tenderness, as a silent sign of gratitude. Then, she surrenders her cherished firearm—her only means of protection—in return for a healing potion to save Vi. In S1E7, Caitlyn’s heartfelt monologue in her conversation with Ekko perfectly captures her hope and determination: “This city needs healing. More than I ever realized. Please, let me help you.”
When Caitlyn and Vi stand in front of the Council, Caitlyn declares: “Councilors, this is Vi. She was born in the undercity. Even though we failed her in countless ways, she risked everything to show me what life is really like down there. People are starving, sick, ravaged by Shimmer. They live in constant fear of the coordinated efforts of violent crime lords.” This monologue alone shows how Caitlyn embodies optimism, believing in the inherent goodness of people, even Zaunites. It also shows that she is very willing to fight for them; she sees helping Zaunites as an act of bringing justice and equality into this world.
Many overlook the depth of Cassandra and Caitlyn’s relationship, reducing it to a simple narrative of a daughter mourning her mother. However, Caitlyn’s mourning is more layered than that. Throughout her life, she has been rebellious, driven by a desire to uncover the reality her mother tried to shield her from. In S1E4, Caitlyn reflects on this by saying, “She’d do anything to keep me from seeing the real world.” Caitlyn’s defiance wasn’t just rebellion for its own sake—it was a stand for her ideals. She sought enlightenment and understanding, even if it meant stepping outside the privileged bubble her mother built for her. By venturing into the undercity and aligning herself with Vi, Caitlyn rejected her mother's own ideals.
Here's another scene in S1E8 that emphasizes this:
Cassandra: You're a Councilor's daughter. Your actions reflect on the entire body. Caitlyn: My actions? You know what else reflects on the Council? Its citizens living on the streets. Being poisoned. Having to chose between a kingpin who wants to exploit them and a government who doesn't give a shit!
In a way, her actions mirror Vi’s: just as Vi betrayed her people by working with the enforcers, Caitlyn betrayed her own mother by involving herself with Zaunites. Remember: The last time we see Caitlyn and Cassandra interact on-screen is during Caitlyn’s plea before the Council. And in that moment, Caitlyn was fighting to protect the very kind that would soon kill her own mother.
You say that Caitlyn’s drastic shift is unjustified, as she’s only experienced a fraction of the suffering Zaunites have been enduring. But that’s precisely the point! Her transformation shows how personal loss can drive the change of one’s entire character; she’s never experienced loss before which is why it feels so heavy for her. And unlike Zaunites, Caitlyn actually has the power to act on her grief. Zaunites have only known misery their whole lives. When their loved one dies, they know there is nothing more they can do but grieve. They don’t have an inch of the privilege and military support Caitlyn has. If you had given them the same resources as Caitlyn, they wouldn’t hesitate to bring ruin to Piltover. Simply put, they don’t fight Piltovans because they don’t want to, but because they can’t.
When Jinx takes her mother away, her compassionate ideals completely shatter. Having always sought justice and understanding for Zaun, Caitlyn feels deeply betrayed, as her faith in the good within every Zaunite is overturned. Her mother’s death becomes a turning point—driving her to abandon her ideals and adopt Piltover’s disdain for the undercity, finally understanding the resentment many Piltovans harbor.
We also tend to forget that, aside from losing her mother, Caitlyn has directly suffered under the hands of Jinx. Caitlyn was held captive by Jinx in Season 1—and God knows what was done to her during that period. In the tea party scene, we see Caitlyn break down in tears, visibly flinching when Jinx moves toward her. It’s clear that Jinx has traumatized Caitlyn not just once, but twice. These experiences deeply shape Caitlyn’s actions moving forward. The pain and fear she’s endured push her to a place where she’s willing to sacrifice almost anything, even if it means putting a child’s life at risk (Isha's) or severing ties with Vi.
While they share their differences, Caitlyn and Jinx are the perfect example of foil characters. Here’s an instance which proves this: Both allow themselves to be influenced by manipulative, powerful figures all while being in a vulnerable state of mind.
Jinx is haunted by guilt; her attempt to save her family only ended up killing them, leaving her with the crushing weight of self-blame. She clings to Silco, not because he was the father she needed, but because he was the father she wanted. Silco indulged her destructive tendencies, keeping her at an all-time high on the edges of chaos. Fragile and broken, Powder crossed paths with Silco at the right moment; he saw the perfect chance to mold her into someone bewildered, unrestrained, and astray.
Caitlyn has her own Silco: Ambessa, the ruthless Noxian leader with a brutal philosophy of war. Ambessa enters Caitlyn’s life at a pivotal moment, stepping in just as Caitlyn is grappling with the devastating loss of her mother. In a spiral of self-identity, Caitlyn struggles with the weight of Piltover’s expectations and her unresolved guilt over her strained relationship with her mother (as explained in previous paragraphs). Just as young Powder mourns her family, Caitlyn blames herself for the death of her mother. Caitlyn got herself involved with the Zaunites even when she was warned not to, and at the expense of her defiance came the death of her mother. Driven by guilt and a thirst for vengeance, Caitlyn steps fully into her role, declaring in S2E1: “I am a decorated officer. Leader of House Kiramman.”
Jinx and Caitlyn share a tragic parallel: they both lose everyone they hold dear. Jinx loses Vi, Vander, Claggor, and Mylo. Caitlyn is left without Cassandra, Vi, Jayce, Mel, and Tobias. Stripped of their support systems, they are left isolated, with no one to confide in or rely on. They become vulnerable, used as pawns in the larger schemes of Silco and Ambessa’s strategic games.
Caitlyn's inner turmoil is exactly why Ambessa’s manipulation is so effective. Caitlyn is compelled to take revenge, but she doesn’t know how to. And without anyone else to guide her, she places her complete trust in Ambessa's expertise. Ambessa doesn’t just give Caitlyn the authority and power to avenge her mother; she teaches her how to use them to their full potential. She toys with Caitlyn's vulnerability, making her adopt the Noxian values of wrath, bloodshed, and ruthlessness.
It’s easy to downplay Caitlyn’s grief since she comes from an elite upbringing. While Cassandra Kiramman is laid to rest in a golden casket with a proper burial, countless innocents in Zaun become victims of merciless violence, being left to die on the streets. After the timeskip however, Caitlyn is shown to recognize the moral cost of her actions. Though the series portrays this realization subtly, it becomes evident that Caitlyn is grappling with the inhumanity and immorality of her pursuit of revenge. In S2E4, this internal conflict comes to light during her conversation with Ambessa. When Ambessa attempts to stoke her fury again, Caitlyn disarms her with a piercing question: “Why is peace always the justification for violence?”
Here's another scene that subtly depicts her realization and remorse:
Caitlyn: You're a monster. Why? Why do all this? Singed: Why does anyone commit acts others deem unspeakable? ... For love.
When Caitlyn steps further and sees Orianna, she realizes that Singed's revenge is a reflection of her own: a person grieving the death of their family member. Here, there's a saddened glint in her eyes. She finally understands now, that love and grief made her do things that once seemed so foreign to her. In this case, going against her own principles just to succeed in her revenge.
Caitlyn is now forever haunted by the outcome of her mistakes, but she knows her past cannot be erased. During her confrontation with Jinx in the prison, she admits, “No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes.” While this statement is directed at Jinx, it feels like Caitlyn also holds this against herself for her own wrongdoings.
Caitlyn’s acts of atonement are done quietly. She’s not good with words; she’s bad at articulating how she feels. Ironically, Vi is much better than Caitlyn when it comes to confronting and vocalizing internal conflict. So instead, Caitlyn’s actions speak for herself. By removing the guards at the prison, she tacitly allows Vi the opportunity to rescue Jinx. She knows Vi will come to save her sister, and yet she lets her. She finally lets go of Jinx and the grudge she held against her, as a silent act of her love for Vi.
And in S2E9, Sevika is shown to be sitting among the Councilors. But thanks to a fan's keen eyes, we find out that she is sat particularly on Cassandra Kiramman's chair (which not many notice). By allowing a Zaunite to occupy her mother's seat, Caitlyn gives them a chance to be rightfully represented, a chance for their voices and suffering to finally be heard. It’s a quiet display of Caitlyn’s evolution and willingness to bridge the divide between Piltover and Zaun.
That said, Arcane’s ending left much to be desired regarding Caitlyn’s arc. The heavy focus on Hextech overshadowed the sociopolitical dynamics of Piltover and Zaun. This is the main reason a lot of hate is thrown toward Caitlyn—there is an act of accountability, but there a lack of consequence. While Caitlyn acknowledges her mistakes, her privileged status keeps her from real repercussions, unlike the tragedy other characters had to face. This is frustrating, even to me, as someone whose favorite character is Caitlyn. Yet, in a way, it realistically portrays the inequalities in our own world—where the elite are often shielded from justice, and repentance is the closest they ever come to redemption.
#arcane#caitlyn kiramman#character analysis#league of legends#caitlyn#essay#in this essay i will#food for thought#i guess we really are a league of legends#caitvi#violyn#arcane vi#season 2 spoilers
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★ WHICH COMIC BOOK COUPLE ARE YOU AND YOUR PERSON MOST LIKE?
NOTE — love and light my babies ⭐️🧿 take what resonates, leave what doesn’t. for entertainment purposes only. your feedback is always so greatly appreciated, enjoy!
— PILE 1.
channeled couple(s) → batman x catwoman + jean grey x cyclops.
your person is a very hands-on, actively involved and dynamic individual who thrives in fast-paced environments. they’re very resourceful and can turn a negative into a positive in the blink of an eye – a true problem solver if you will. they learn things/adapt quicker than most and i feel like a lot of people regard them as an amazing friend. your person is very inquisitive and always wants to know more. once they complete a task, they’re on to the next; it can be hard to pin them down for long periods of time. they might move around a lot physically (could have OCD) but i’m more so picking up that they’ve lived here, there and everywhere.
they’re always on the go! i’m also picking up that your person is a little bit of a control freak but gosh they can't help it; they truly love to lead and be of service. you’re gonna find this so hot lowkey lol which is funny because i think you typically go for someone that let’s you control things and have the upper hand but with this person it’s not like that. their sense of control is different though — it’s not possessive, like “you’re mine!” or “no, you can’t go out wearing that!” instead, it’s more about seeing you struggle with something and insisting on helping you with it. you might say, “no, i’ve got it,” but they’ll respond, “here, just let me…” you get frustrated because you just said you could handle it, but there they go, taking it from your hands and easing the stress and pain you were carrying. wow, that was such a descriptive scenerio but it just randomly came to me lol. it’s giving 6H energy!
11:11 on the clock i’m blushing hehe your person is super sweet and chivalrous it’s very charming, pile 1. don’t even get me started on their physique WHEW you’re gonna love their arms/biceps…your person might even have a lot of tattoos (i’m seeing sleeve tats) and i can just see you fighting the urge to playfully bite them lol. they could be very athletic and go to the gym a lot. now switching gears, the comic book couples that similarly mirrors your connection is jean grey x cyclops + batman and catwoman. some of y’all might be rolling your eyes at the mention of jean and scott (my wolverine girlies i’m talking to you) but HERE ME OUT and let me cook!
i feel like you’re more of a wanderer and don’t care to be as involved as your person is, if that makes sense? gypsy by fleetwood mac just started playing in my mind. trials and tribulations throughout your life might have caused you to turn inwards, and you feel unsure about what it is your supposed to be doing/where life is exactly taking you. your presence is more calm and still and your person is again, more hands on and out there. like jean grey, you are very clever and passionate but there’s a temperamental side to you. you might have strong air sign placements in your chart because i feel that you’re very rational about your emotions – sometimes to a fault. i think you hold back a lot of the times (especially when it comes to love) in fear of hurting other people’s feelings or just being misunderstood. some of you could have people-pleasing tendencies. your person gives that scott summers vibe because their actions are typically driven by a sense of duty rather than a desire to please others.
whether you know it or not, you wield a lot of power and sometimes i think people take your kindness for weakness. what your person is really going to admire about you is how intentional you are especially when it comes to giving/receiving love. you are so gentle and kind with your person – soooo doting and attentive. you two deadass have a telepathic connection cause when one person is feeling off, the other one can sense it. your person is also tryna be funny and say that you’re used to dealing with logans (wolverine) but they’re coming to change that. LMAOOOO your person is funny as fuck if you couldn’t already tell.
you both compliment each other so well, spiritually and physically. that’s why i also channeled batman x catwoman because y’alls vibe just gives that. y’all know those crazy ass tiktok/IG comments when people are like i need to see the tape PLS yeah…y’all evoke that reaction from people. you both find each other incredibly sexy like the sexual tension between you both is gonna be insaneeeee. i’m also sensing a bit of a bratty energy coming from your end in terms of the attention your person gets lol they might be very sought after. it’s reminding of the ending scene of ‘the batman’ when selena is urging batman to come with her and part of him is superrrr tempted but duty calls. i promise you that your person only wants you, though. like i’m being so deadass when i say that they’re literally gonna be devoted to you.
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES —
“i work alone”, you might be used to the wolverine types but what you really need is a scott summers, back to black by amy winehouse, spotless mind by jhené aiko, maneater by nelly furtado, dylan, slayyyter, dua lipa, ESFJ, ISTJ, resemblance to callum turner, 333, sagittarius, 6H cancer, capricorn rising, 555.
— PILE 2.
channeled couple(s) → daredevil x elektra + rogue x gambit.
oooo right off the bat i’m hearing stand still by sabrina claudia. you’re so unaware that we're feeling, the same thing, the same damn thing…time is standing still and why are we still here? interesting, pile 2. very interesting! you and your person are more alike than you would think. from the outside you both appear very different, but energetically you both are sooo compatible. i’m hearing “from different worlds” and being drawn to the movie aladdin lol maybe that’s one of your favorite disney movies or your person’s? i think that’s why i was picking up on elektra x daredevil because it’s like…you and your person’s upbringing differed in a way but there’s a common ground in terms of how it’s shaped you both. one of you is more forward and hasty while the other is more reluctant and calculated.
you feel very confined and limited…like your environment is just so repetitive and boring. you’ve been hoping for something new to manifest – and you feel like you’re on the brink of it, it’s like you can almost reach out and touch it. for most of you, this is in regards to your connection with this person but for other’s it’s a job/traveling opportunity of some sort. you could possibly live in a very small town or somewhere that doesn’t have a lot to offer/keep you occupied. you’re about to see some progress sooner than you think, pile 2. give it about 1-3 months and watch how the magic happens! sagittarius season could be very significant for you.
your person is going to come into your life HOT and HEAVY, omg. you’re gonna be like wait wtf when did you get here?! nobody’s supposed to be here by deborah cox is playing in my head now – i’ve tried that love thing for the last time…my heart says no, no! nobody's supposed to be here…but you came along and changed my mind. LMAOOOO well pile 2 get ready cause your person is gonna sweep you off your damn feet. now it makes sense why i channeled rogue x gambit for you two because it’s like you’re taking of risk of some sort…the risk being your heart. trusting someone romantically is like risky business for you.
you’re so used to being able to predict outcomes and know what’s going to happen next, but with this person uhn uhn things are not so black and white. actually, there’s a lot of grey areas and that’s what’s going to scare you yet intrigue you about this person. you’re so rogue coded, awww. rogue has the ability to absorb the powers and memories of others through touch, so that makes her very guarded and reluctant to form close relationships. gambit is intrigued by her, but she is wary of him. i see this being similar to you and your person’s interactions…there might be an initial hesitation on your end but there’s an undeniable chemistry between the two of you!
your person is similar to gambit who is a smooth-talking, charming, and rough around the edges type of character. he’s very drawn to rogue’s beauty and strength (and similar to you) her self-imposed isolation and emotional baggage makes her hesitant to open up to him. i’m definitely picking up on the slow-burn trope for y’all, pile 2. although you really want this connection you might feel held back by self-doubt and fear intimacy/vulnerability. you’ve gotta work through this slowly but surely, my loves. it’s not easy but it’s necessary because this person absolutely loves you, pile 2. they’d put everything on the line for you if they had to.
just like gambit, this person will always be deeply in love with you no matter how much you try to shut them out or act like your feelings aren’t as deep as they really are. i also just want to mention that your person has such a way with words like UGH the way they say things/articulate themselves is gonna have you going feral lol they’re so knowledgeable and persuasive. it doesn’t help that they’re fine as fuck too lol you’re gonna be mentally shadow-boxing your anxiety whenever you’re around them because they’re just soooo damn charming fr!
i’m also being drawn to one of the biggest themes of rogue and gambit’s relationship which is rogue not being able to physically touch him without absorbing his memories and abilities – which is something that frightens her, not only because it could harm him but also because it’s something that strips away everything from the person she’s touching. now y’alls situation is obviously not that dramatic, but i am picking up that some of you that picked this pile could be virgins or celibate. i feel like the wait will make you both become even closer.
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES —
you make wanna by usher, “i never thought this was possible”, bit of a wild card (no pun intended), fiery personality, leo/aquarius placements, you’re their best friend, love on the brain by rihanna.
— PILE 3.
channeled couple → wanda maximoff x vision.
you and your person are too stinkin’ cute, pile 3. lmaooo i know that sounds so corny and cheesy but your person puts you in this kind of mood. the sun is shining sooo bright as i’m writing this. it’s like you light up their life and vice versa. you remind them of a warm summer day at the beach where you’re free to just roam around, have ice cream and relax. you’re like a breath of fresh air for this person. your person can be extremely sappy (in the best way possible) like i see them randomly just grabbing you and spinning you around or twirling you lol they’re like…always in a good mood. they might like to sing or dance mhm i get the vibe that they have a CD collection like they really love music sooo much! they will love to cook for you as well awww they’re so considerate, pile 3. you guys are definitely giving that old school cutesy romantic 60s couple vibe for sure, i could cry!
i channeled wanda maximoff x vision for a reason i see. i feel like when you first meet your person you’re going to be going through alot in your own life and i’m not necessarily getting that it’s anything bad but it seems like you’re either working through something or towards something. this could be you confronting some childhood trauma and/or previous relationship baggage. it might also be that you're not quite where you imagined you'd be in life right now, or maybe you're feeling a bit unsure about your current path. whatever the reason, your person will likely sense that you're feeling a little lost, and they'll pick up on that shift in your energy. you might meet your person while you’re traveling or outside of wherever you live (i’m hearing out the country for some) and i see you two forming a very close friendship first. infrunami by steve lacy is coming to mind – girl, you're the one i want, you’re the one i need…i’m beggin' you, please. can you come back to me? 'cause i was blind to see that you were right in front of me. hm for some of you this person could be a mutual or you somehow know them through your friends? if not, there just seems to be a sense of familiarity between the two of you.
i’m hearing “wow what a small world!” so tbh you could meet this person through one of your friends lol now i’m hearing best friend’s brother by victoria justice PLEASE that’s so random but on brand. also i’m picking up that your person could wear glasses? they are very inquisitive and can read you like a book, pile 3.
like vision, your person can pick up on your emotions, sensing when something is off even if you don’t express it. though vision is a synthezoid, his close connection to wanda and his time with the avengers allowed him to empathize deeply with human emotions. over time, his understanding of these feelings went beyond his programming, and his love for wanda amplified his ability to sense when she’s in distress. he offers comfort to her when she's struggling with her powers or grief. i feel like this relationship will be therapeutic for the both of you! you scratch their back, they’ll scratch yours.
you are similar to wanda in the sense that you can alter/create your reality – YOU have the power, but you have to believe it first. you doubt yourself a lot and create a lot of chaos within your mind because you can’t decide whether or not you should do something or if you’re even making the right decision. i think this has a lot to do with your childhood/upbringing, you stay in the shadows instead of being in the spotlight. that’s the problem, pile 3. i think you’re afraid of taking up space in fear of what others might say or think. there’s this sense of imposter syndrome. in order to bring this relationship into fruition you’ve gotta trust and believe in yourself, my loves. you’re an absolute badass – pop out and act like it! 10:10 on the clock. stop getting so caught up in the idea of what you think should be perfect. nothing and no one is perfect and ironically that’s the beauty of life lol shit ain’t always sweet and that’s okay. the world keeps spinning. it might not seem like it now but you will be more than okay, trust me! your person can’t wait to be in your orbit eeek i’m giddy at the thought of you two connecting. you don’t even realize it but your spirit guides are working overtime to make this connection happen hehe it starts with you though, babe. buckle up cause your person is ready. are you down to ride?
OTHER CHANNELED MESSAGES —
michael, breakfast at tiffany’s, NYC, month of may, one of the girls by the weeknd ft. lily rose depp & jennie, looks like MBJ, leo, 7H, 6H/virgo venus.
#pick a card#pac#pac reading#pick a pile#pick a card reading#tarot reading#p1utofairy#intuitive reading#text divider#by ioveartfilm
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Ma Meilleure Ennemie (pt 2/?)
Do you know what the main problem with addiction is? It's that it always demands more. And unfortunately for you, Silco was an addicted man.
Silco x fem!Reader
Rating: Explicit (18+, MDNI)
Word Count: 5,2K
Warnings: smut, resolved sexual tension, oral sex (f!receiving), dirty talk, orgasm edging, overstimulation, you work in the brothel, Silco POV (when to start smut), Silco being the little control freak that he is. Set before the events of Act 2 of the first season of Arcane.
Part 1
Okay, I didn't expect the previous chapter to be so successful, so thank you to everyone who read it. Just a few warnings: Silco's actions can be quite controversial (you'll understand at the end), he's an antagonistic character and we have to recognize that he's not a saint. If you came here expecting something like "love at first sight", I'm sorry to tell you that there's going to be a long road to that. Remember, there's a fine line between love and obsession.
The month had flown by too quickly, and you barely noticed Silco's absence from the brothel. Since that night, he seemed to have vanished, and the days resumed their usual rhythm. With the generous bonus he had left, you managed to cut back on your workload, bringing a sliver of relief to your otherwise exhausting routine. Today was one of those calmer days. Your last session hadn't been physical; your regular client, Kate, a young woman with stunning green eyes, just wanted to talk.
You spent the time discussing her recent achievements. She had been clean from shimmer for three months and, with visible excitement, shared her plans to become a designer. She had even landed an internship at a boutique in Piltover. Despite being a paying client, your relationship with her felt closer to a friendship. You genuinely cared about her progress and rooted for her, even though you knew the harsh world of Piltover could extinguish the dreams of Zaunites as easily as a gust of wind snuffing out a candle.
The brothel had this misunderstood duality. It wasn't just a place of pleasure and debauchery, as many thought, but also a refuge for the lonely, even if those moments were as rare as fresh air in Zaun.
After the session, you sat at the vanity in the dressing room, touching up your makeup. It was a moment of pause, preparing to finally leave for the night. That's when hurried, hesitant footsteps reached your ears. Through the mirror, you saw Babette enter, her yordle face pale as if she'd seen a ghost.
"What's wrong, Babette?" you asked, frowning.
"He's back," she said in a hurried whisper, and you froze. There was no need to specify who. His name hung like a curse that no one dared to utter. "And he asked for you... in the same room."
A sigh escaped your lips as you nodded, trying to mask the storm brewing inside you. Your body moved automatically, brushing past a Babette who looked almost regretful on your behalf.
The conflicting sensations within you were hard to define—a mix of nerves and something akin to excitement. Part of you was eager to see him again, while another feared what this meeting might bring. It was a wave that swung between the warmth of reunion and the chill of apprehension. It was impossible to predict Silco's intentions with you.
Yet, despite the uncertainty, a part of you relished the idea of facing him again.
The curtains parted just as they had during your first meeting, and you stepped into the room with hesitant steps—but firm enough to mask the storm raging within you. There he was, Silco, seated on the sofa like he owned the world—or at least your little corner of chaos. This time, a cigar rested between his fingers, its smoke spiraling lazily toward the ceiling. A bottle of amber liquor and two glasses were set before him on the table.
You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms as you regarded him, trying to keep your expression impassive. "Miss me?" The provocation slipped out in an almost sweet tone, but the mockery woven into the edges of your words was there for anyone sharp enough to catch. And, of course, he did.
His eyes lifted to meet yours, and the smile that formed on his lips was... unsettling. A slow, predatory smile that made your entire body tense, unsure whether to prepare for a fight or flight. But running from Silco was never really an option, was it?
"Miss you?" he repeated, his voice low, almost a dangerous purr, as he brought the cigar to his lips and took a long drag. The smoke escaped in a deliberate exhale as he leaned back even further into the sofa. "I've been rather busy, dove. Running a city isn't exactly a part-time job."
His voice carried an intensity that seemed to cut through your skin and lodge itself directly in your nerves. His eyes were a weapon all their own, assessing you with clinical precision as though he could decode every emotion you tried to hide. Frustration? Undoubtedly. Curiosity? Perhaps. And something else... something you refused to name but which made your stomach churn and your breath quicken.
"Ah, of course... I forgot you rule Zaun. I thought it was just a hobby of yours." The words left your mouth dripping with sarcasm, a smirk tugging at your lips. You knew exactly how to provoke him, even if it meant walking a tightrope with Silco.
But he laughed. Not a short or biting laugh, but a rich, full chuckle that echoed through the cramped walls of the room. His reaction was almost disconcerting, as if he were genuinely amused by your defiance.
"I prefer to think of it as a calling. Someone has to keep these streets in line, after all," Silco retorted, bringing the cigar back to his lips and taking a deep drag. "Drink with me." He gestured casually toward the empty glass beside his with a flick of his hand, as if this were the most normal thing in the world—as if he hadn't disappeared for an entire month and was now acting as though nothing had happened.
You blinked once, twice, frowning at his offer. Surprised was an understatement. Even so, your feet carried you to the sofa, where you sat down beside Silco. Your gaze drifted to the glass placed in front of you, but you made no move to pick it up.
"Drink something from you? I thought I'd made it clear I'm not naive." Your voice was sharp, cutting, and you made no effort to hide what you thought. The accusation lingered in the air, but Silco seemed unfazed. On the contrary, the smile on his lips deepened, as though your suspicion was yet another point in his favor.
"Relax, dove." He set the cigar in the ashtray and leaned forward slightly, his eyes fixed on yours. "I may be many things, but I'm not the type to drug my... companions. I prefer them fully aware of what's happening."
Before you could respond, you felt his hand rest on your thigh, his fingers drawing lazy circles over the fabric of your skirt. The touch was too light to be casual but confident enough to show he knew exactly what he was doing.
"Besides," he continued, leaning in a little closer, "I don't need tricks. You came to me willingly last time, remember? And I'm certain you'll do the same again."
You held your breath for a moment—not out of fear but from the tension building in the air. It had been mere minutes, and already you were spiraling into this dangerous, sexual dance. When he reached for the bottle and poured two glasses, the sound of the amber liquid filling the glass seemed to fill the charged space between you. He slid one of the glasses in your direction, his fingers brushing against yours briefly, and that fleeting touch was like a surge of heat, reigniting memories you'd rather not dwell on now.
The cold glass against your fingers was solid, tangible, but the same couldn't be said for Silco's intentions. Swirling the liquid in the glass, you watched its viscosity under the light, searching for any sign of hidden betrayal. You brought the glass to your nose, inhaling deeply. Nothing unusual. No suspicious scent. Just the strong, familiar aroma of an expensive drink.
"Now, don't be rude. It's a rare vintage, and I insist," he said, his voice dropping a few tones, more of a command than an invitation. "Or are you afraid you can't handle me after a drink?"
He raised his own glass to his lips, his eyes never leaving yours, taking a long sip and savoring the warmth the liquor seemed to bring. He was testing you, and you knew it.
"Oh... I can handle more than you think." You let the double meaning linger in the air, noting how quickly Silco caught on from the faint curl at the corner of his mouth. Then, your gaze shifted back to the drink in your hands.
A sigh escaped internally. Damn it. Against all your instincts, you decided to trust him—at least this once. Bringing the glass to your lips, you took a small sip.
The flavor was unexpected, complex. First, a gentle warmth spread across your tongue and slid down your throat, followed by a hint of sweetness that balanced the burn. You licked your lips, savoring the woody notes mingling with a subtle touch of caramel. It was... different. Something you'd never tasted before.
You almost let out a surprised sigh but managed to hold it back. However, you knew your expression had betrayed you. Worse still, you were certain Silco had noticed. His sharp gaze seemed to miss nothing, and he'd been watching you the entire time. Quickly recovering, you masked your face with indifference, though the effort felt pointless. Pretending nothing affected you had always been one of your sharpest weapons for surviving life in Zaun, but it seemed to fail irritatingly often when it came to him.
"So, tell me..." Silco resumed the conversation, his tone adopting a casual air, as if you were merely chatting. "What have you been up to while I've been away? I hope you haven't been entertaining any other clients in my absence."
"Well," you began, leaning back on the sofa, mimicking his casual tone while swirling the glass in your fingers, watching the liquid sway with the motion. "As far as I know, we're not exclusive."
You let your words hang in the air for a moment before taking another sip of your drink. This time, you kept your eyes fixed on the glass, pretending Silco's presence was just a shadow at the edge of your awareness. "So yes, I've been with other clients."
When you finally lifted your gaze, you met his eyes. They glimmered with something between amusement and danger, and the smile you offered Silco was anything but innocent. You knew you were playing with fire by provoking him so openly without any idea how he might react, but as the damned gambler you were, you could never resist a risky game—even if it meant losing your winning hand.
"Why?" you asked, your voice dripping with audacity as you calmly placed your now-empty glass on the table. "Are you jealous?"
"Jealous? No, I wouldn't say that." He paused, taking a slow, deliberate sip from his drink. "More like... protective. You see, dove, once I set my sights on something, I have a hard time sharing."
He set his glass down on the table with a faint but deliberate thud of glass against wood. You had pressed his buttons, that much was clear, but he didn't seem annoyed by your bratty attitude.
Silco settled back into the sofa, mirroring your posture, but with an air of authority that seemed to dominate the room. He leaned back slightly, his legs spreading just enough to make a point, the motion causing his coat to fall open. The glimpse of what looked like a holster at his hip seemed accidental—perhaps he didn't even remember carrying it. It was as natural to him as breathing.
He turned to you, his hand moving to your chin, tilting your face so your eyes would meet his. "But I'm a reasonable man," he continued, his tone soft, almost comforting, yet carrying an intensity that made your skin prickle. "I understand the nature of our... arrangement. You're a courtesan, and I'm merely a client. Nothing more, nothing less."
His thumb brushed against your lower lip, the touch as light as a feather, teasing. "Which is why I think it's time we renegotiate the terms, don't you?" His voice dropped a few tones lower. "I'm willing to pay for your exclusive services."
You couldn't deny the tension rippling through your body as Silco leaned in further, narrowing the space between you until his presence felt like the only thing that existed in your world. His touch on your chin was firm but not rough, a silent reminder of the absolute control he maintained over himself—and, in some ways, over you.
You allowed him to guide your face upward, a silent concession that you were willing to play along—at least within the rules that suited you.
His eyes were both an invitation and a threat, a contrast that should have been intimidating. But, to your surprise, you felt something else entirely.
It wasn't fear.
It was pride.
There was an unexpected, almost visceral pride within you, knowing that he wanted you—and made no effort to hide it. It was both unsettling and... perversely satisfying.
When Silco moved again toward you, the motion caused his coat to fall open further, fully revealing the holster strapped to his hip. The metallic gleam of the pistol's barrel caught the dim light, and your eyes lingered on it for a moment. The sight evoked a disconcerting mix of emotions: fear and excitement, battling for dominance within you.
You knew the gun wasn't there merely for protection. It was a silent statement, a symbol of power—and also of control. Silco didn't make empty threats, and the presence of that weapon made it abundantly clear. So classic, so predictable, you thought, though you couldn't deny there was something undeniably alluring about the image: danger so blatant yet so meticulously restrained.
That contrast was almost suffocating. The implicit threat of the weapon combined with the soft, almost intimate tone of his voice stirred something deep within you. It was a brutal reminder of the risks of being this close to him, but also irrefutable proof of the kind of power he wielded—not just physical but psychological.
This is not good, you told yourself, suppressing a shiver that could have been apprehension—or excitement. You knew how dangerous it would be to let Silco see you as his. The words you had spoken the last time you met applied to him perfectly, and to your misfortune, Silco was possessive by nature, his ambition only amplifying that trait.
But it was too late to turn back. You had already captured his attention once, and here he was again, returning to your arms like an addict seeking his next fix. And it was clear he wouldn't stop until he had you entirely.
"This negotiation..." you began, your voice lower, tinged with something that could have been scorn or desire, even you couldn't tell. "Isn't open."
The silence that followed was heavy, every word hanging in the air like a scale about to tip. There was refusal in your voice, but despite your efforts, there was also a trace of something else... something that could easily be mistaken for lust. And his gaze caught every nuance of it.
Slowly, your eyes drifted from his to his lips, but not before letting him see the small detour they took back to the pistol. As though you were weighing your options, calculating the risks, even though you knew all of them ended with him.
It was like walking a tightrope over an abyss, and both ends led directly to Silco. Two different fates, equally perilous.
"But," you continued, and your voice was almost a whisper now, deliberately laden with heat. Your mind screamed at you to stop, but the words had already taken shape. "You can try to convince me." It was a dangerous strategy, and Silco was toxic in every sense. But just like an addict depended on their drug, perhaps you could turn that dependence into an advantage for yourself.
Silco's eyes darkened, a fierce hunger burning within them as your defiant words left your lips. A low growl reverberated in his chest, heavy with intensity. He noticed the way your gaze roamed over him, like a flame consuming everything in its path. He also noticed—with dangerous satisfaction—the subtle quickening of your pulse, visible in the delicate line of your neck.
You were playing with fire, and Silco was more than willing to let you burn.
Before you could react, he moved with the swiftness of a serpent, pinning you against the couch. In one fluid motion, he seized control, trapping you beneath the weight of his body. His hands captured your wrists with firm precision, raising them above your head as he positioned himself between your thighs.
His hips pressed against yours, a slow and deliberate motion laden with intent. Your body acted before your mind could comprehend, arching to meet the contact.
"Oh, dove..." he murmured, his voice low and rough, each word caressing your skin like silk. His lips hovered near your throat, and you felt the warmth of his breath against the exposed skin. "I intend to convince you, and I think you'll find I'm quite... persuasive."
His lips found the curve of your neck, skimming over your skin with a dangerous blend of gentleness and possessiveness. When his teeth grazed your flesh, they didn't break the surface, but the implicit promise in every touch made your heart race. You knew he could, and you also knew you wouldn't fight him.
The control he exerted over you was intoxicating, but it wasn't just physical. There was something about the way he read you, how every sigh, every tremor of your body seemed to fuel him.
When his fingers released your wrists, you didn't move your hands from where he had placed them, as if the freedom he had given you was an illusion. Instead, you closed your eyes, feeling his hands glide down your body, his fingers tracing an almost lazy path that ignited every nerve in your skin.
His fingers reached the curve of your waist, pausing just long enough to apply a slight squeeze—a possessive touch that sent a shiver down your spine. He followed the contour of your hips, his movements as subtle as they were provocative. Then, with a deliberate motion, he tugged the hem of your skirt upward, revealing your skin inch by inch, as if each bit was a gift to be uncovered. The air grew heavier, each second stretching into eternity.
"You have no idea what you make me feel," he murmured, his voice a mix of confession and temptation, perhaps more to himself than to you. "The things I want to do to you..."
His breathing grew uneven, heavier, and before you realized it, your thighs tightened around his hips, as if to hold him there, in that exact place where the world seemed to have stopped.
"Then do them," you murmured, your voice hoarse, barely a whisper. This moment was his. And somehow, it didn't feel wrong, even though part of you knew you might regret it later.
But right now, in this instant, regret was the furthest thing from your mind.
Silco's Pov ━━━━━━━༺༻━━━━━━━━
"Careful what you wish for, dove..."
Silco's eyes darkened with lust as he watched her writhe beneath him, her body arching into his touch as if she were starving for it. He could feel the heat of her core pressing against his cock, even through the layers of clothing that separated them, and it took every ounce of his self-control not to rip them off and bury himself inside her right then and there. To feel that warm feeling that had been trapped in his mind for that damn month of being away from her. But he held himself back, it wasn't about him this time, as he would have other opportunities. He wanted to savor every moment of her surrender, to engrave the memory of it in his mind for years to come.
Slowly, teasingly, he trailed his lips down the column of her neck, his tongue darting out to taste her skin before sucking on her pulse point, leaving a mark. Relishing the way she gasped and writhed beneath him, her hands finally moved to tangle in his hair.
He leaned back, standing erect with his gaze fixed on that which he now coveted. He hooked his fingers beneath the waistband of her panties and pulled them down her legs, exposing her to his hungry gaze. This was something he had wanted to do since their first meeting.
Silco settled between her thighs, his breath ghosting over her slick folds. He looked up at her through his lashes, his eyes glittering with dark promise. "Look at you, dove. So wet for me already... Such a needy little thing." he murmured before dipping his head and pressing a kiss to her clit.
He started slowly, his tongue lapping at her slit, savoring the taste of her arousal. He traced the seam of her lips, teasing her entrance before flicking his tongue over her clit, again and again, until she was writhing beneath him, her hands fisting in his hair.
He slid a finger inside her, then two, pumping them in and out of her tight heat, at first slowly. He curled them just so, searching for that special spot that would make her see stars. Silco felt her inner walls contract and vibrate around his fingers. He could tell she was getting close to her peak. Leaning down, he sealed his lips around her throbbing clit and sucked hard, flicking the sensitive nub quickly with the tip of his tongue.
At the same time, he pumped his fingers faster, rubbing mercilessly against that specific spot. Her thighs trembled and tensed on either side of his head as he took her right to the edge... then pulled back a little, wanting to prolong her torment a little longer before finally pushing her over the edge of blissful oblivion. He heard her whimper his name, her voice sounding tearful and frustrated. Then her little fingers tried to pull his face back into place between her thighs: "Easy, dove." He let his fingertip slide over her clit, circular motions that drove her to the edge, but weren't enough to give her what she wanted. "Silco..." her voice escaped in a hoarse moan, filled with a mixture of need and desperation. Sounding like a melody for Silco. "Say 'please' and I might let you cum." Silco's voice left no room for reply and this only made her even more frustrated. Her back arched and she tried again to pull Silco towards her. Her attempts failed. Silco then sped up the movement of her finger, noticing how easy it was to bring her to the edge again... and just as easy to slow down.
The second denied orgasm drew a reaction from her. "Please! Fuck.. I beg you... please!
He smirked as she begged so sweetly, the word "please" falling from her lips like a prayer. Oh, how he adored when she got like this - pride and poise cast aside in favor of raw, aching need. Silco was more than happy to oblige her, diving back in with renewed fervor. He savored the taste, groaning low in his throat as he feasted on her like a starving man, his fingers pumped steadily, curling just to brush that spot inside her. He felt her thighs clamp down around his head, heard her screaming his name as she came undone, her release flooding his mouth.
But Silco didn't stop. He kept going, riding her through her orgasm and straight into another, his tongue lashing at her sensitive flesh, his fingers pumping in and out of her clenching heat. He could feel her fighting it, her body tensing, trying to pull away from the too-much sensation, but he held her in place, determined to wring every last drop of pleasure from her.
He felt her come again, harder this time, her body convulsing beneath him, her hands fisting in his hair so tightly it bordered on pain. He swallowed every drop of her release, groaning at the taste of her, the feel of her coming apart for him.
Only when she went limp beneath him, her body spent and trembling, did Silco finally relent. He pulled back, licking his lips as he admired his handiwork - His sweet dove sprawled on the couch, her chest heaving, her skin flushed and glistening with sweat. She looked utterly debauched, and fuck if it wasn't the hottest thing he'd ever seen. A sight that had to be for his eyes only.
"Perfect." He whispered to the void as you seemed to be passed out. Nothing could take away his sense of pride in having reduced you to a limp body lying on the couch, although a part—the one deep inside him—was irritated by the mere idea that someone else could do the same to you. "We can't let that happen, don't you think?"
A rhetorical question to which he already had an answer.
━━━━━━━༺༻━━━━━━━━
You blacked out for a second. You'd like to say you lasted longer after the first, but that would be a blatant lie. With Silco consuming you completely—in presence, touch, scent, and the rough sound of his voice—it was impossible to resist. He pushed you to the edge once more, and when you finally fell, the orgasm that crashed over you was even more devastating than the first.
You collapsed onto your side, utterly boneless, as though every bone in your body had dissolved. The exhaustion was so overwhelming that the line between consciousness and unconsciousness blurred with each passing moment. Every muscle in your body screamed in surrender, yet you still found enough energy to let out a soft whimper as you adjusted your legs, trying to ease the discomfort.
Your body was in a state of hyperawareness. You could feel every little detail: the slow but persistent throbbing between your legs, the sensitive, swollen ache of your clit, both painful and pleasurable as the pressure of your thighs shifted.
The heavy silence of the room was broken only by the sound of your ragged, uneven breathing. Each breath felt like an effort, but you began to relax, letting your muscles go slack against the couch. And then you felt it.
His gaze.
Even with your eyes closed, you knew Silco was watching. It was impossible to ignore. Those eyes had the power to strip you bare, as though he could see beyond flesh, directly into what you tried to hide—vulnerability, desire, surrender.
Opening your eyes slowly, you blinked a few times, dislodging the tears that clung stubbornly to your lashes. Your lips curled into a trembling, tired but genuine smile as your gaze found his face. Silco didn't look away. His expression was unreadable, but there was something in his eyes—dangerous and tender all at once—that made you shift uncomfortably, even in your exhaustion.
"That was the first time..." you began, your voice breathless, your chest still rising and falling rapidly as you tried to catch your breath. "By Janna... twice in a row... How is that even possible?"
The words came out in an almost incredulous tone, with a hint of exhausted laughter. You didn't know how he did it, but it seemed Silco knew exactly what to do with your body. Where to touch, what to say, which buttons to press... absolutely everything.
"Give me a minute," you continued, your voice strained with fatigue. "I don't think I can do anything else right now. My body has officially shut down, and it's your fault."
Despite the exhaustion, there was a note of humor in your voice, something you knew he'd pick up on. But it was the truth. Every fiber of your being felt like it had been pushed to its limit, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you had no urge to fight it.
Silco leaned over you, brushing a damp strand of hair away from your face with a surprisingly gentle, almost reverent gesture. The touch was a stark contrast to the roughness of his calloused fingers. "Don't worry about me, dove," he murmured, his voice low and smooth, like a whispered melody in the darkness. "I'm more than satisfied with how the night turned out."
He then pressed a light kiss to the corner of your mouth. The fleeting touch was almost contradictory, an unspoken promise hidden behind the faint, teasing smile that played on his lips. "Now, catch your breath. Compose yourself."
He moved away with his usual natural elegance. As he adjusted his clothes, straightening his suit with meticulous care, smoothing out his trousers; taking more careful care of this part for obvious reasons, and running his fingers through his slightly disheveled hair, you watched him silently. He seemed lost in his own world as he tidied himself.
Silco then turned his attention back to you, extending a steady hand to help you sit properly on the couch. With surprising care, he adjusted your skirt, a gesture that felt almost chivalrous coming from the same man who had undone it in the first place. But what truly caught your attention was the way he picked up the garment he had removed from you earlier—your underwear—and slipped it into his trouser pocket without even attempting to hide the act.
You opened your mouth, perhaps to protest, but before you could utter a word, he had already shrugged off his jacket and draped it over your shoulders. The weight of the expensive fabric pressed against your skin, warm from his body heat, carrying his unmistakable scent: lingering tobacco, worn leather, and a metallic note that reminded you of burnt gunpowder or rust. It wasn't necessary—you knew that—but he seemed to relish the idea of covering you, marking the moment with a gesture that was as possessive as it was protective.
"In any case," he said, his voice taking on a teasing tone as his hand rested firmly on your shoulder, the touch deliberate, "You can return the favor next time."
"So that's your excuse to come back to this brothel?" you replied, your tone laced with sarcasm as one eyebrow arched slightly. A sly smile curved your lips as you looked at him. "How predictable, Silco..."
"Oh, I assure you, dove," he murmured, his voice laden with a dangerous softness that made every word sound like a promise. "It's not the only reason I'll return. But, I must admit... it's a rather tempting incentive."
Yet, as he spoke those words, something shifted inside him. A dark and familiar shadow rose, staking its claim on his mind. Suddenly, Silco pulled back. His face, previously brimming with desire and mischief, turned into a mask of indifference.
"I need to go," he said abruptly, the tone of someone ending a conversation with no room for argument. "There's something I need to take care of."
And with that, without another word, he was gone.
Leaving you behind, confused, and his jacket.
[...]
The days following Silco's visit were a series of unsettling events. The changes came slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, but you had a knack for picking up on nuances. You were a survivor, and survival meant knowing when something was wrong before it became a bigger problem.
First, there were the furtive glances. Your colleagues at the brothel seemed to watch you with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. There were hushed whispers and abruptly interrupted conversations whenever you walked by. That wasn't new—gossip was as common as the smell of cheap perfume in that place. But this felt different now. Heavier. As if they knew something you didn't.
Then came the anonymous donation. A substantial amount of money, accompanied by a short and direct note, unsigned. Just three words: "For your comfort."
You found yourself staring at the note longer than you should have, the paper trembling slightly in your hands. The tone of the words seemed polite, even kind, but in context... there was no comfort in them. Only confirmation that someone was meddling in your life.
Finally—and perhaps most disturbingly—was the sudden drop in the number of clients. At first, you thought it was a coincidence, something seasonal. The brothel's clientele had its ups and downs, after all. But as the days went by, the reality became unmistakably clear.
The few men who still requested your company exhibited strange behaviors. Gone were the hungry gazes, the invasive touches. They were stiff, as if walking on eggshells, and most seemed incapable of relaxing in your presence. They didn't want closeness, avoided more intimate advances. Instead, they merely asked for your company, remained in an awkward silence while sitting far from you, and left far more money than necessary.
It was disconcerting. The break from routine, the absence of the predictable... it was almost worse than dealing with the unwanted touches you'd learned to ignore.
And then came the confirmation you didn't want. It arrived through a conversation you weren't invited to but overheard from the other side of a door: the men who had been appearing and specifically requesting you, were none other than subordinates of a certain chemical baron.
Silco. Part 3
#silco x reader#silco x you#reader insert#minors dni#arcane fanfic#arcane silco#smut#no beta we die like silco#arcane
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