#also why does he sound so much like betelgeuse here??

[thr4shit]

"Did he really stand there... Like this: for an hour? Like the Statue of Liberty playing football?"

– HABIT, EverymanHYBRID in "A Summoning," ~4:39-4:47

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

But What If, Instead

Decided to give a go to posting my horribly named but hopefully very fun Beetlejuice fic to tumblr as well. This is an au where BJ is adopted by the Deetz family at a young age.

He’s twelve when he’s left on his own in the upperworld.

He doesn’t know he’s twelve, because he’s never celebrated a birthday, but that timeline seems to fit, later, when he thinks back on it. So he’s twelve. His mother has promised him a special treat that day, and though he’s skeptical to trust her, he follows her quietly through the door she’s drawn, the bone white stick of chalk a blaring contrast to the dark hallways of the netherworld reception office. She’d knocked, and the drawing was more than a drawing, suddenly, with white light and noise spilling through into his little corner of hell as it opened, and when he steps through, Betelgeuse sees blue skies and green grass for the first time in his unlife. He’d turned back to look at Juno, confused, curious, his big orange snake eyes watching her, waiting for the catch, for her to yank him back and punish him for being naive, and trusting her, but all the demoness had done was billow smoke from her slit throat, and nod encouragingly to him. He takes another step, and another and another, and suddenly he’s running and laughing and jumping and the air up here is different, but good, and he takes breaths he doesn't need because it feels nice, and he turns to her again to try and entice her to play with him- And the door is gone. He stands there, staring at the nothingness where she and it had been, and realization hits him hard, because he’s twelve, and he’s been left on his own.

He doesn't cry, both because he can’t, and because he knows it won’t change anything. It doesn’t take him long to find them. Pre ghosts. Breathers. Humans. The place is lousy with them, and the smell of them irritates his sensitive nose. He’s a dumb kid, sure, but he’s got some survival instincts, so he hides from them as they go about their lives, strolling around this place, completely oblivious to the little demon now crashing their dimension. Breathers look so weird, all flushed with blood and bright eyed and hearts beating, no signs of death or rot or decay on them. It’s a lot to ask a kid to get used to. The ghosts back home, the ones workin in Ma’s office, tell him stories about the world up here, sometimes, usually in exchange for him going away, and leaving them the hell alone. (Their words) If there was one thing he learned from them, it was that humans, living or dead, didn’t like things that were strange or unusual. He wanders the wilds of wherever he is for an hour before he finds a body of water, and stooping to peer into it, takes a look at himself.

His skin is pale, but not pink. The undercolor is purple, maybe, which he would have thought would be close enough, but compared to the living, breathing people walking around this place, he knows is too different. There’s not much he can do about that. His hair is a bushy mess, sticking up all over the place, but at least the color is currently green. It’s the eyes, teeth, and ears that really stand out. Yellow snake-like slits stare back at him, long pointed ears flick in the direction of distant sounds, and when he tries to smile down at his reflection, those too many too sharp teeth are all he can see. He’s not the best at magic, yet, mostly using it to play pranks around the office (and hey, maybe that’s why Ma left him here in the first place?) but he does what he can. He throws a glamour over himself, and it’s far from perfect, but the three big problems are taken care of. He looks more human than he did a minute ago, at least, and that’s something.

He’s less afraid to take the main paths, after that, and with that worry out of the way, he finds himself enjoying the afternoon again. So, ma left him here. So what? She’s done him a favor, probably the first she’s ever done anybody, because now he doesn't have to be around her just as much as she doesn’t have to be around him. It’s a win-win, Betelgeuse thinks stubbornly, trotting along the winding pathways lined with benches and garbage cans and other silly human things. He’s starting to get a bit tired of all the green when he reaches, quite unexpectedly, the end of it. There’s a big arched sign, and he can’t understand the language written over head, even though he’s squinting and tilting his head. Someone at some point had sat him down and tried to teach him letters, and he’d gotten far enough to read through the first page of the Handbook, but then that person had been reassigned, and was gone, and no one had cared to keep teaching him.

He’s holding his hands up at his sides, rubbing his red tipped claws against the palms of his hands, top teeth biting over his bottom lip, head tilted to one side in an extreme, when he hears a snort and then a soft giggle.

There’s a woman standing in front of him. Her hair is a sunny yellow color, but her clothing is dark and dramatic, and there are roosting bats dangling from her ears. She’s laughing at him. They stare at each other for a long moment, her hand raised in front of her mouth, her eyes crinkled pleasantly at the corners, and he finally breaks the silence by pointing at the sign, and speaking. “Wazzat say?” She blinks in surprise at his grating little voice, and then glances back at the sign. “Krap Lartnec,” she tells him. “Which is flipped around and backwards for “Central Park.” He’s been staring at the sign the wrong way. Of course. He feels his cheeks heat up with embarrassment. “Oh. Got it. Park. Right, yeah.” She lets out another laugh, and it’s so different from the sounds his mother makes when she’s guffawing at him, shaming him, that it almost doesn’t register as a laugh at first. There’s no cruelty to it, just amusement, and maybe curiosity. “Are you here alone?” she asks him, and he shrugs easily. “I guess.” She moves closer to him, cautiously, like he’s going to bite her, or bolt, but he doesn’t really feel the need to be worried over one breather. He knows he could rip out her throat if he needs to. The glamour only hides his demonic features, not takes them away. He’s still plenty capable of taking care of himself. “Where are your parents?” She's crouched down next to him now, one knee on the pavement, big brown eyes all sweet and worried, and he shrugs again. “Don’t have a dad. Mom’s downstairs.” She squints at that, and he gestures down with a pointed red claw tip. “Ya know. Downstairs.” The way he emphasizes it is meaningful, and when her eyes show understanding, he assumes she gets it. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be. I’m havin’ a good time.”

That doesn’t seem to be what she expects, but she just nods thoughtfully. “Are you staying someplace?” He can’t, for the undeath of him, figure out why she’s asking, and why she cares. He shrugs again, because things feel better in threes, and says vaguely, “I guess I’m stayin’ here.” That also doesn’t seem to be a good answer. “You can’t stay in the park overnight. There’s creeps around here.” He bites back the urge to explain that he’s the creepiest thing here, because suddenly she’s taking his hand, and she feels cool to the touch. “Good god, kiddo, you’re burning up!” she puts her other hand on his forehead, all the play gone from her voice, clearly concerned. “You might have a fever. Listen…” she worries her bottom lip with her teeth, smudging the dark color there, before she makes a decision. “Why don’t you come home with me? I’ll give you something to eat, make sure you’re alright, and we’ll figure out what to do from there, okay?” He isn’t sick, and he’s pretty sure he can’t get sick. It’s the hellfire in his veins that makes him hot, because he’s not like her, not even close, but the idea of following her seems like a fine one to him, so he just nods. “Kay. You got bugs where you live?” She snorts again, and stands, brushing off her dark, rose patterned tights. “Sure, what New York apartment doesn’t have a few roaches lurking around. You like bugs?” “Yeah, I like em. They’re crunchy an’ they skitter around an’ stuff.” “Yeah,” she agrees, nodding thoughtfully. “Bugs kick ass.” It’s his turn to snort, and then laugh, because she’d sounded so serious that it strikes him as funny. His hand is still in her’s, and she gives it a squeeze. “What’s your name, little buddy?” “Betelguese.” He expects a pause, or a comment, because no newly dead has ever heard his name without wrinkling their nose and looking vaguely sick, but her smile just grows wider. “Far out. I’m Emily.” And hand in hand, they leave the park.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Beetlejuice decides quickly Emily might be the nicest breather who ever breathed. It’s a decision he makes only moments after they’ve left the park. Normally he’d be talking, and talking a lot, and his ma might throw something at him, a curse or a bottle, to try and shut him up. So he’s giving silence a try, here, even though it feels like it hangs like a weight around his neck. But Emily is the one instead filling the silence with sound, and he’s never had such unfiltered attention from an adult before. She’s talking about the park, then his hair, then his name, and everything she says is just… sunshine. She likes his hair. She likes his name. She even likes the loose fitting and filthy black and white striped shirt he’s got on, she says it’s deadlyvoo, whatever the hell that means, but it must be good, because Emily said it.

They’re walking down the street, his little hand still in her’s, when a smell hits his sensitive nose. It’s unlike anything he’s ever smelled before and if he wasn't tethered to her, he would have floated after it. As it is, he does feel his feet lift off the ground briefly, and he has to remind his body to obey gravity, before someone notices. Luckily, Emily only sees part of his reaction, namely the way he’s sniffing the air like a dog and drooling. “Hotdogs!” she grins, and she leads him over towards the smell before he can even ask what that word means.

There’s a little cart set up, and a short, fat woman is fussing over a fire. He quickly finds the source of the smell, those little weird shapes of meat she’s turning over, and he goes to reach for one, only stopped by Emily’s other hand over his. “Not so fast, little bug. To unlock lunch, you need the power of capitalism.” She nods gravely. He nods back, clueless, but after a moment he has the source of the smell in his hands, and he wastes no time in scarfing it down. It’s good. He wants more, instantly, and tugs at her sleeve. Emily has hardly put her wallet away before it’s back out again, and she’s bought two more hotdogs. He eats them just as quickly, but before he can ask for more he realizes she’s led him away from the woman and her meats and her fire. Clever breather.

The walk to her home isn’t so bad, and it gives him time to take in his surroundings. The park had been jarring enough- what little plants grow in the netherworld are perpetually gray and withered, sad little scraggly weeds that struggle and choke each other out for the privilege of what miniscule sunshine permeates through the perpetual overcast. But there’s enough sunlight and water and everything to go around here, and it all grows green and vibrant. The city feels the same way, sort of. Like there’s plenty of space to stretch out and grow, and so they did. In the netherworld, everything is short and cramped, but bigger on the inside, with long, winding hallways meant to confuse and trap the dead. The buildings here are so tall looking up at them makes him dizzy, but he hardly has time to admire them before Emily is guiding him this way and that, and finally, to another door. She presses a button and they’re let inside, and he experiences another first as they ride the elevator up a few floors.

They ride the first few floors up in relative silence, until - “Get ready to jump!” Emily says suddenly, crouching, and he follows her lead, and jumps when she does. There’s a brief moment of weightlessness before gravity catches up with them, and their feet hit the elevator floor again, in time for the doors to open. “Good job, Beetlejuice!” she praises, pushing that long sun colored hair out of her face, and he beams up at her. “Feels like flyin, kinda!” “Right?” she enthuses loudly, and he’s about to ask her how a breather knows what flying feels like, but a door down the hall opens, and the biggest man Betelguese has ever seen steps out. “Thought I heard you rattling the elevator,” he’s chiding Emily, who only gives her snort and smile in return. “Lydia isn’t even with you, do you really play that game when you’re-” his eyes fall on Betelgeuse. “Alone?”

“Charles, I made a new friend!” Emily tells him simply, leading the little demon into their apartment. The interior is dim, but he can see fine. He knows his amber eyes are glowing a little in the gloom, and he closes them, just for a moment, as Emily leads him down the hall and into a sunny, well lit kitchen. The big man, Charles, is tailing behind, looking mystified. “Where on earth did you find him?” a hint of nerves creeps into the breather’s voice. “You didn’t… steal him.. Right?” “Charles!” Emily laughs, like it’s an absurd question. Betelgeuse can’t tell if it is or not. Emily doesn’t seem like a child snatching witch, but he doesn’t know enough about such things to be sure. “I didn’t steal him,” she clarifies, busying herself with getting the boy a cup of ice water, and stopping by for a moment to touch the back of her hand to his forehead again. “I found him wandering around Central Park. He said he doesn’t have any folks, and he was all alone, and he feels feverish. I’m being responsible! I’m a responsible adult!” “A responsible adult who still plays the elevator game, despite being told by maintenance you might throw the whole elevator out of whack?” Charles askes, but he doesn’t look angry, more amused.

“I was teaching Beetlejuice how to play.” The pause he was expecting with Emily finds its home with Charles. Charles glances at the boy. Betelguese stares back with big amber eyes, sipping quietly at his ice water. Charles looks to Emily, who seems to be waiting expectantly. The silence stretches for another beat before Charles asks, baffled, “Is that… his name?”

Emily throws her hands up like he’s asked if the sky is really blue. “Of course it’s his name! Or at least, that’s the name he gave me. I’m respecting it. Respectful and responsible, that’s me.” She turns and winks at Betelgeuse. He returns the strange breather gesture because he likes Emily more than he’s ever liked anyone before.

The water cup is empty, and he simply lets it go, no longer interested in holding it. It bounces and rolls across the floor, and Charles wrinkles his brow at the boy. “Wh-” Before he can say much more, Betelgeuse is sniffing at the air, and he crouches on all fours, nose to the ground, like a dog in a cartoon. He’s caught the scent of some kind of upperworld bug, and despite all the hotted dogs, he’s still hungry. He’s on the prowl around the kitchen, weaving under the little dining table and three chairs, and then back down the hall, into the living room. Charles and Emily poke their heads out of the kitchen to watch him.

“I think you brought a feral child into the house, Em.”

She makes a psshaw sound and rolls her eyes, smacking gently at his lapels. “He’s a kid. Kids are weird. I was doing weird kid stuff when I was his age, too.” “And you never stopped,” comes the dry response. “Charles, I know you worry, but he’s a little kid, lost in New York. I mean, my god, it’s like a movie! I couldn’t just leave him, and I wasn’t just going to give him to some cop, he’s probably an undocumented runaway or something-” and the rest of her rambling is drown out by Charles gasping and grabbing her, and her own muffled gasps of shock, because Betelgeuse has caught the bug. And also, he’s on the ceiling. He may have been trying to blend in, but the second he caught the scent of that delicious crunchy upperworld bug meat, everything else was out of mind. He’d spotted it on the ceiling, and had followed it up there, ignoring gravity to get what he wanted, and right as he pounced on it, nearly catlike, Charles and Emily had gasped. Their breather noises distract him long enough for the bug to skitter away, and he loses his concentration, and drops to the living room floor with a sickening crunch. Emily shrieks, and Charles panics, sprinting for the boy, certain he’ll find a dead child with a broken neck. Instead Betelguise sits up, his glamour disturbed from the fall, and the breathers get an eyeful of what he really looks like. There’s a beat. They’re all staring at each other for a long moment. “I… I might have brought a feral child into the house,” Emily admits sheepishly. You can read the entire thing, right now, over here

[wanderlust-songbird]

Dark clouds permeated the dusk sky, which seemed to mask the vibrant colours with an inky blue the more they spread out. From below, Vega's pair of lovely aqua blue eyes observed the gradual change in color. Her slender hands grasped a long, double blade battle axe that appeared to be on the heavier side, only to twirl it in her hands as if it were nothing for several moments.

Her ears would soon pick up on some soft sounds coming from one direction of the giant field, only to hear something heavy hit the ground. Her gaze soon shifted towards a yanyuedao, whose 18 inch long blade pierced the ground with ease.

Lifting her gaze just slightly, she took notice of an older looking man sitting on a tree branch above her. Her hands ceased twirling her weapon before letting one of them go through her long blue hair. A long sigh came out of her mouth before she began to walk towards the individual.

"Now, how long have you been there for?" She inquired, raising her axe towards the man above her once she arrived near the tree, “I do not exactly appreciate someone eavesdropping on me. That does include you.”

The man only chucked at first.

"Would you believe me if I said that I just got here?" His navy blue eyes locked onto the fellow goddess, who just nodded at him. This only prompted him to let out a more robust laugh this time. "Well, it is good to know that you would not have bought that. Anyway, I do not know why you train this much so often. I have seen the way you have battled Betelgeuse the other day. You are already impeccable in combat as is."

The goddess simply gave another sigh at the god, only to let a small smile show afterwards. Of course he wouldn’t know. He wasn’t exactly the one to train in combat, like her & the rest of them. But he always managed to keep up with them nonetheless.

“Do not say that now, Rigel. I still have a lot to go through. Also, I am not one to be lazy. I should honestly spar with you one of these days. I am sure that I could learn something from you.” Vega couldn’t help but laugh as she said that. With Rigel, she always was able to feel at ease, like she was home. His warm presence was mainly why the people loved him so much.

Rigel would simply get up, only to then jump down from the branch & onto the ground in front of Vega. His smile didn’t fade for a single moment, even when he picked up his yanyuedao. A few moments of silence would go by before he said a word.

“...While I wish I could now, I am afraid that I have other business to attend to at the moment. I simply wanted to see how you were doing. Maybe I can set aside some time tomorrow, alright?”

With that, the god waved to Vega before setting off into the forest, not letting her respond to him. He went on walking for several minutes, yanyuedao over his shoulder.

But as soon as he was far enough, he stopped walking again. His warm smile soon went away all of a sudden, revealing a more cold expression in its place.

“I am at least grateful that she isn’t able to read my thoughts at all.” he muttered, “Otherwise, I would not have been able to get away. Now, I just need to...” He trailed off after that, proceeding to pick up the pace once more.

[spitefulinamillionways]

i had an idea that was beej finds out Lydia is being bullied at school and is a very over protective older brother about it and wants to murder them

yes yes yes!! i love that trope of beej just being way too overprotective when it comes to bullies

(also sorry for answering this so late!)

(oh yeah, tw, there are some lesbian and gay slurs here, oops)

god this one gets a bit edgy

-

“They did what?” Beej shot his head at Lydia, his eyes widening.

“No, it’s not that bad, plus it’s happened before. So like, I’m used to it.” Lydia mumbled, grimacing when he slammed his fist on the table.

“Those bitches!” He shouted, before pointing up a finger and shaking it, whispering, “I’m gonna ffffFUCKING kill them. Just you fucking watch me.”

“Beej, no! You can’t do that! What if you get in big trou-”

“Lydia, I’m gonna be honest with you I’ve killed so many people since you’ve summoned me and not one body has been found. That I know of, at least,” He counted on his fingers until 23, mumbling a name under his breath every number, “Oh, no, that one Smith guy was found..I think...and, uh...the other guy too, I forgot his name..”

Lydia sat there in pure disbelief as he literally counted how many people he’d killed. I mean, he’d obviously killed some people before but now? When he was with them? That was just...who was she kidding, it was inevitable something like this would happen, but she didn’t expect so many. How much did he count, 23? 24? He’s basically a serial killer at that point.

“Beej- You know that,” She blinked a couple times and stared at him, “You know that makes a serial killer, right?”

“Oh, shit, does it?” He looked surprised and stopped counting.

“Yeah...”

“Because that’s cool as FUCK!” He grinned, “Anyway, about those girls, want me to kill them for you?”

Lydia sighed and took her backpack, putting it on and opening the door.

“Look, do you want to come to my school or not?” Lydia groaned, looking back at him.

“Yeah!” He rushed out the door, grabbing Lydia’s wrist and dragging her with him, “Wait, which way?”

“That wa-”

“That way!” He shouted, running left, the way Lydia pointed. She giggled at how fast he was, and how weird this would probably look to other people. Just two people, one just slightly taller than the other speeding down the street. You’d think they were about the same age until you heard Betelgeuse’s smoker voice.

All of a sudden, they were at the bus stop.

“This is it, right?” Betelgeuse looked around, and spotted a bus heading their way, “Oh, look, just in time!”

Lydia felt dizzy all of a sudden. She couldn’t process what was happening due to how fast he was being.

“Uh...yeah..” She stumbled onto the bus and finally gained composure. She showed her bus pass to the driver and sat down, Beej soon following but being stopped by the driver.

“Hey! Kid, where’s your pass?” He asked in a stern tone.

Betelgeuse stopped and stared at him, before slowly walking to a seat next to Lydia, not breaking eye contact. He realised the bus wasn’t going to move, so he simply possessed the bus driver and began driving. He didn’t know how to drive. He almost crashed many times. Lydia found it fun as fuck though.

“Please become our bus driver.” Lydia begged while walking the ‘secret way’ inside the school. (It was just the back school entrance.) The two walked through the school, Betelgeuse disguised as a normal-looking, brown haired student. He looked as if he was in the grade above Lydia, and he did get a bunch of weird looks for that, but he didn’t really care. Her school was way more boring than he thought it’d be.

“Kids don’t get hit by their teachers anymore?!” He shouted in the middle of the hallway, Lydia eagerly trying to shush him.

“No, that’s illegal.” She whispered, “Let’s go somewhere else, okay?”

She walked him over to the back of the school, and began lecturing him.

“I told you your name is gonna be Dewey!”

“Dewey is a dumbass name! What kind of person is called Dewey?!” He shouted, raising his arms and shoulders.

“WHAT KIND OF FUCKING NAME IS CALCULATOR?! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A CALCULATOR IS?!” She screamed, shaking him.

He started at her and shrugged his shoulders before quickly turning around at a girls voice calling his ‘name’. Lydia stared at her, pissed off.

“Hey! Calculator, was it?!” The girl snickered with her friends, “Who’s your mum, some druggie alcoholic?”

Oh, little did she know.

“It’s actually - ohmygod - It’s actually, uh, Dewey..” He rolled his eyes and looked at Lydia, before whispering to her, “Who is this bitch?”

“Look, Mackenzie, I’m not dealing with your bullshit right now. I’m talking to my friend.” Lydia groaned and flipped her off.

Mackenzie and her friends giggled, then all of them looking back at the two almost in complete sync.

“Whatever, Lyds-”

“Don’t fucking call me that.” She stepped forward, angrily. She was tired of this girl and just wanted her to go away.

“Awh, I’m so scared! Is the little baby gonna have a tantrum?” Mackenzie teased, looking back at Betelgeuse, “So, ..Dewey.” She couldn’t help but laugh at the name, “That’s a new one.”

“Hey! Dewey is cool as shit! Mackenzie sounds like a god-damn fuckin’ car brand!” He yelled, crossing his arms.

“Whatever. You’re probably just as much of a f*g as she is a d*ke.” She rolled her eyes and walked off.

Jesus, that escalated quickly.

Lydia opened her mouth to say something, but closed it and bit her lip. She looked to the side and crossed her arms, it was obvious this wasn’t the first time she was being bullied or made fun of for her sexuality, or just the way she acted in general.

Betelgeuse stared at the girls laughing and walking away in pure awe. He looked at Lydia, then back at the girls, then Lydia, then the girls. He thought about what he was going to do (for once) for a second. How everyone would react. Was he gonna kill a child?

Lydia was holding back tears, thinking about all the things she had been told in the past, she seemed to be breaking.

He was gonna kill a child.

He stomped towards the group and picked Mackenzie up by the collar, strands of his hair already turning red.

“Listen here, you absolute fucking son of a bitch. I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, but if you think you’re gonna get away with saying shit like that about my best friend,” He laughed and looked at her friends, “You better fucking think twice.” He brought Mackenzie up to throw her down, but was interrupted by Lydia’s voice.

“Stop! Beej, please! I told you not to do this!” Lydia’s voice broke.

He groaned, glaring at the girl before looking at a non existent watch on his wrist, then looking back at her, smiling.

“Well, would you look at the fucking time!”

Betelgeuse looked at her again for a second before dropping her to the ground and grabbing Lydia’s wrist, walking off. He stopped and went back to the girls for a moment and flipped them off with both hands. Lydia just wanted to go home. She hated this. Of all things, why did this have to happen?

Betelgeuse went out of his disguise and teleported her back home, three hours before school was supposed to end. He let go of her wrist and hugged her.

“I’m sorry, kid..you don’t deserve that. Mom would call me stuff like that and, uh, I reacted basically the same way you did, believe it or not.” He tried to sound soft but the gruff voice remained. Lydia wipes her eyes and sighed, hugging him back.

“It’s okay.”

-

JEsus this was a rollercoaster. uh it got a bit over the top and edgy near the end, but i like writing things like that so i hope you don’t mind it too much

thanks for sending me this ask! that’s two angsty one shots in a row, which i honestly didn’t expect

i don’t mind writing either fluff or angst, i’m just not the best at angst and there are probably so many people who are way better at writing that me (i’m still surprised because are actually sending me asks in the first place! i thought people would just ignore my posts about it, y’know?)

beetlebabes please fuck off xx

🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤!!

[rainbow-filmnerd]

Another Top 5 Favorite Sanders Sides Videos (1/5)

In honor of the one-year anniversary of me watching Sanders Sides for the first time and becoming a Fander, I’ve decided to count down ANOTHER Top 5 Favorite Sanders Sides videos! If you didn’t see a video you think I should have discussed, be sure to check out the first list!

#5 is... “Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS”

GENERAL THOUGHTS

This was the first new video I watched since I became a Fander. I still remember seeing this video on my subscription feed while at my college orientation, but I had to watch it after I got home. And boy, at the time, was it worth it! I wasn’t aware that another Sanders Sides video was in the making, so that really added to the experience.

I’ll be honest when I say that at first, I did NOT care for Remus at all. I eventually got used to him (I think it was after a Fander said that Remus reminded them of Betelgeuse), but he’s still my least favorite of the Sides it doesn’t imply that I hate him!, primarily because the others outshine him imo. So, he had a really good introduction into this series.

The video as a whole was really well done. I loved the role Logan had to play and it made me grow to like him more. I also really liked what was discussed in this video, especially at the near end before Remus sank out and before popping up again after Roman gets back up.

FAVORITE PARTS/LINES OF DIALOGUE (in no particular order)

Although not my favorite song, “Forbidden Fruit” has one of my favorite edited sequences of the whole Sanders Sides series! It’s just so well done, and I was blown away the first time I saw it!

I noticed this as I was rewatching the sequence, but Remus stole something out of Thomas’s back pocket. I think that was his wallet!

“Secrets, secrets are no fun. Tell me now, or else we’re done.”

Tired Thomas flicking, and pretty much him in the first minutes of the actual video.

And then seeing Thomas go to the couch and take a quick rest. Ah! I love it!

Remus trying and failing to distract everyone with that demon-like screech.

“Your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise.” “FALSEHOOD!” *snaps fingers* “I stand corrected.”

Remus spewing a few disturbing thoughts REALLY made me feel uncomfortable (most notably, the nails on a chalkboard bit).

“I said... FIRGUREATIVELY. And that is why I say it. THAT! IS! WHY! I! SAY! IT!”

Virgil’s Dark Side revelation gets me feeling emotional the more I watch the video. Honestly, I thought it was already confirmed before this video, but mentioned by Thomas and his team. Overall, the scene still breaks my heart for my favorite stormcloud.

“Mystery loves company!” “N-. It’s ‘misery loves company’.”

Remus continuously shouting “Poopy!” like a fussy, attention-desperate child.

Virgil’s ‘accidental’ “sushi” pun.

Patton scolding Remus to put his ears back on.

“Since we call Roman ‘Princey’, does that mean we should call you... ‘Dukey’?”

And then that shot of Virgil containing his laughter. XD

Remus’s first entrance still freaks me out. Also, loved the soft piano cues of “Forbidden Fruit” whenever we got a shot of him on screen before knocking Roman out.

“Whoa, you guys are acting fishier than the Kraken’s crack.”

Patton clearly getting distraught about “animal torture”. Precious boi.

Virgil signaling Patton to stop talking just releases chaotic energy.

“We’re going to talk about something else now, okay? Patton, what are we talking about?” “Uh... 2005′s Just Like Heaven starring Mark Ruffalo and Reese Witherspoon?” “... Sure.”

Patton mentioning “b-hole”. Again, precious boi.

“Why wouldn’t it have been easy to say...? It was an 8-word sentence that’s... not laborious.”

The shot with Remus and Logan face-to-face with each other. SO GOOD!!!!

Logan and Patton trying out the White Bear experiment.

“Patton! Did a real good job!”

Knowing what happens in the end of “Putting Others First”, was Roman’s ‘realization’ foreshadowing of those events?

“What is my deal? Uh, b*tch, what is YOUR deal?”

Virgil calling Remus a “common cold”. Just that quick development from being scared to realizing how much of a lesser threat Remus gave me chills/good vibes.

“Alright, alright, alright! Am I right?” “That was not alright.” “That word’s been used so much now that it sounds all... wrong.”

Logan being unfazed by Remus throughout this entire video.

Low-key didn’t wanna know what “dork” could also mean, but I still got a good chuckle from it.

“Block out all the juicy stuff~.” “Don’t say ‘juicy’ in that context!” “Uh... juicy butthole?” “LESS okay!”

Patton looking at Virgil and gasping at him after calling him a “b*st**d”.

“No, Mommy, I don’t want the mashed potatoes.”

Logan being really cool throughout this video. I know I’ve said it, but there’s too many moments for me to explain here. XD

“So... we’re back to repression then? Logan said that that doesn’t work!” “That’s what repression is?!” Bless you, Patton.

Roman saying and doing a few of the exact same dorky things as Remus (most notably “Oh, shut up, nerdy Wolverine!” and their exits “BYEEE!!!!”)

“I’d say you just reek... FIGURATIVELY.” “Also, literally, though.”

That endcard scene.

“Of course you’re not a chick; you’re a metaphysical human being. A chick is a newly-hatched bird.”

[subukunojess]

On The Edge of Living (Ch 1)

Archive of Our Own / DeviantArt / FanFiction

Fandom: Beetlejuice the Musical

Word Count: 5,511

Content Warnings/Awareness: Death, Blood, Possible Gore, Mentions of Abuse, Smoking, Suicidal Themes, Giant, Tiny, G/T, People, objects, and animals are getting eaten, Vore (don’t know whether to tag it as such), Fluff, Angst, Adventure, Found Family, Friendship, just everything is wild.

Pairings: Charles/Delia, Past Charles/Emily, hints of Beetlelands, hints of Lydia/OC

Summary: AU. Lydia Deetz knew her life would turn upside down when she moved to a supposed haunted house with her father and life coach. What she didn’t expect were two actual ghosts living in her attic or being cursed to be bound to a demon sealed in some ancient spell book.With a growing emotional demon by her side and the afterlife betting on their future, Lydia will travel from Hell and back to break the curse and find out where she belongs… if her new town doesn’t end up being rampaged first.

Here’s my entry for the Beetlejuice Big Bang!

This was a surprise project I decided to take on when I saw it on my dash and I wanted to challenge myself writing with word count in mind. I knew I wanted to write a Beetlejuice AU with a tiny Lydia and a giant Beetlejuice, so I worked from there. I also wanted to challenge myself by planning and organizing my story ahead rather than take it chapter by chapter. Although it’s been difficult, I managed to pass the required 10 K mark and plan out the gist of my story. As of now, I have the chapters figure out and I have at least 20 K, but at the moment I have three completed chapters. I hope to work on the fic during my free time. 

Thank you, @beetlejuicebigbang for giving me the opportunity to do this! Without further delay, here’s the first chapter of my fic:

Chapter 1: The Curse Begins

In life, people say that only death is certain. For the afterlife? Eternity, any suffering of some kind, and the places the dead end up. Depending on the soul and the circumstances of someone's death, a person could be sent to a variety of realms. There were different versions of Heaven, Hell, Limbo, and in some cases, a holiday world. This tale in particular resides in the living realm, Hell, and the Netherworld.

There were two major details that the living didn't know about the afterlife. The first one was that the Netherworld was like a creepy airport for the recently deceased, only that it was really a dark abyss that led to who knows where with no way of telling where anyone would end up.

The second thing? Demons are really huge compared to humans, dead or alive. In the living realm, they blended with humans physically to make situations easier. But in Hell? A demon's true height could range between seven feet to hundreds of feet tall. And Hell wasn't just a cavern of fire and brimstone either. It was the dark, grimy underworld of a city where slum lords lurked in the alleys and the air was polluted with a fiery, red haze. It was nine circles of everlasting torture ruled by cardinal sins and vices. And for a certain demon who spent most of her afterlife in the Netherworld, it was an empty and bleak waiting room in a large office building with the walls decaying and the air smelling of burnt socks.

Juno Shoggoth scowled as her heels clacked against the tiles of the hallway, walking to the waiting room while trying not to hunch over as usual. Once she had signed in with the receptionist, she took her seat and briefly pulled the cigarette out from her lips, letting the smoke ooze out from the slit on her neck.

"Why did he have to call a meeting now of all times?" Juno hissed, crossing her legs. "Doesn't he know my work schedule in general?"

As director of Netherworld Customs and Processing, it was her job to make sure that the transition from life to the afterlife went smoothly for the dead. Sure, the work was tedious and the woman would rather smoke for eternity than deal with tiny annoyances, but she was assigned to the position not by choice. She literally and figuratively grew from a civil servant spirit to a powerful demon overnight; one of her proudest achievements she had to admit.

Her biggest mistake was Lawrence.

Lawrence Betelgeuse Shoggoth. Just thinking about his name made her blow another smoke ring and want a shot of alcohol. Like most other demons who were born dead rather than turned into one, Betelgeuse appeared after Juno had affairs with a demon and the demon left. She didn't like children to begin with, let alone raising something that acted like one. Regardless, she didn't have a choice either when a dead-born was involved. Dead-borns were powerful shifters with abilities no one dared imagine and capable of changing their size more smoothly than regular demons, hence the curses placed on them and the mandatory supervision. If every realm in existence turned upside down and the blame traced back to Juno, she would never hear the end of it.

"Lucifer is ready for you now, Miss Juno!" The receptionist's shrill, but deep shriek interrupted her train of thought.

"It's about damn time." Juno muttered under her breath as she threw her cigarette away and stood up. A red line of energy was drawn in front of the demon out of nowhere before splitting in two and opening as a doorway to Lucifer's office. She walked through the portal, the line disappearing as soon as she entered the room. Although she got used to the afterlife, Juno would admit that she didn't know whether it was a relief or unnerving that the room was a typical office one would expect a boss to reside in with a chair and desk, save for the hazy landscape of hell on the other side of the window in front of her. At this point, she didn't even bother wondering.

"Have a seat, Juno." A deep, gruff voice commanded from a leather swivel chair in a calm tone, causing a slight echo in the room. Juno sat on the wooden chair without fanfare, glaring at the window.

The ruler of Hell was arguably the most massive demon ever known, probably rivaled by Leviathan if they got into a mood. Big horns? Monstrous? Usually dwelled at the very bottom of Hell? Most of the rumors were true along with the fact that everybody knew not to mess with him unless they had a wish worse than death. Despite such knowledge, Lucifer appeared from the swivel chair on the other side of the desk, much smaller than normal and dressed for business. A simple black suit and dark red tie with golden cuff links. Dark grey medium length hair with large twisted horns of ivory adorned on top of it. Yellow eyes with pupils akin to a goat's narrowed as he fixed his collar and cleared his throat.

"I have a feeling you know the reason why I called you here." Lucifer stated, raising an eyebrow. Juno returned the action.

"You usually don't call me unless A) you’re redesigning the Netherworld in some way or B) Beetlejuice is involved. Something tells me it's the latter."

"Come on, Juno. Don't sound like I keep calling you because of that! You're a good worker. No nonsense. Telling it like it is while sorting out the souls. You're one of the few demons I could tolerate." When Juno didn't respond, the ruler of Hell continued.

"I just wanted to discuss what our plans are for Lawrence in the future, that's all." Lucifer shrugged. "Just to prevent repeated offenses from happening. Despite his... flaws, your son still has potential. Deceit. Torture. Power that some dead-borns don't have. I wanted him to become an official exorcist demon, but you insisted on having him as a Netherworld guide instead, even though he hasn't done it properly in centuries!" He brought a fist down onto the desk, the whole room seeming to tremble at the action.

"With all due respect, sir, we cannot give any more power and ego than the fool believes he has." Juno hissed as she pinched the bridge of her nose briefly. "If we do, both the Netherworld and Hell would be in shambles. And I believe you just want him to annoy one of your own headaches."

At that, both demons glared at each other and crossed their arms as they leaned forward. They stared at each other down for a while until Lucifer pulled back up with a sigh.

"... You're smarter than I thought." Ignoring the woman's tiny smirk of victory, Lucifer turned his back to her as he stared at the hazy city before him.

"You're not wrong. You got Lawrence and the Recently Deceased, I got the souls of the damned and the other cardinal leaders bothering me. Beelzebub especially. Always gloating that he's more powerful and mainstream than the rest. I figured that if he's with someone just as annoying as him, he'll settle down and we both get them out of our businesses for at least a decade or two. Maybe a century if we're lucky."

Juno scoffed. "That's going to be a problem since I banished mine to the world of the living."

"And how's that going for you?" Lucifer glanced back at the director, almost knowingly. "Knowing him, he'll find a way back to the dead. He always does."

“I can assure you that Lawrence is stuck at the surface with the living and suffering for it.”

Meanwhile in one of the several downtown areas of Hell, something was going down on one of the top floors of a ten-floor apartment.

In front of the building was a black Mercedes Benz with a fly painted on the hood, idle as the driver waited for someone. Inside the car, black sharp nails drummed against the wheel at a scattered and quick pace while the owner of said nails exhaled a buzzing breath.

“Why is he taking so long? There won't be much time left!” The driver growled in a high baritone voice that sounded as if it were melting like butter. His unruly, spiky orange hair seemed to hover over his pointed ears as his bright orange eyes narrowed at nothing specific on the street. He was tall, had dark tan skin, and a bit chubby around the edges with a pot belly held back by a sleeveless maroon shirt and ripped black jeans. The large fly wings on his back hummed against the seat, almost impatient. It was supposed to be a quick stop of supplies and nothing else. What was going on in there?

Just then, there were some muffled shouts until someone burst out through the front door lugging an overfilled burlap sack over their shoulder. The demon was a bit more than five and a half feet tall with golden eyes, pale skin, and wild green hair along with some yellow strands popping out. They wore a dusty dark grey coat over their black and white striped suit and green tie.

They then exclaimed in a masculine, gravelly voice as they scrambled into the front passenger seat, "Step on it, Bee!"

"It's about time!" The orange-haired demon groaned in relief as he slammed the accelerator and the car sped off, causing the other to almost fly out to the backseat, but he held on.

“What took you so long, Beetlejuice?! I’ve been waiting here for decades! Did ya get everything?” Bee inquired with a smile.

Beetlejuice chuckled and nudged an elbow to Bee, “It hasn’t been that long and you know it, Beelzebub. I should know; I’ve been waiting for centuries. And it isn’t my fault this time! A couple o' demons were late, some of the items were wrong, and I kinda-sorta pissed some of the demons off with a femur. Don't ask."

“Damn… my bad. We wouldn’t have taken this detour if dear old Satan and the rest of my ‘family’ didn’t seal some of my powers away! You take over a few séances and possess a large group of people for three weeks and suddenly, you’re the bad guy!” Bee snarled and shook his head before making a sharp left turn at an alley once he saw some shadows at his rear-view mirror.

“I know, right?” Beetlejuice scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Sounds just like my mom. ‘Beebleboose, stop bothering the recently deceased and get a job!’”

Beelzebub laughed as he elbowed the dead-born demon, the yellow colors fading back to green. “See? We get each other, BJ! The only other demon who gets me would be my twin, but he’s more about locking his stash away and never using it. Not us. We gluttons know how to have a good time! Why don’t you move down here for the rest of eternity? We could be neighbors, roommates even!”

"As much as eternal suffering sounds awesome, it kinda loses its touch after a while, ya know?" Beetlejuice leaned back in his seat. "Doesn't it get boring torturing and killing souls over and over and they always come back? It's gettin' to a point where everyone expects it. I just wanna get out and have my kind of fun for a change! I wanna be with the living! I don’t want anyone or anything tying me down ever again."

"I hear ya, Ant-Wine. There's just something about the living that's so damn addicting. And I ain't just talking about tastes either! Why do you think I keep risking my existence for the biggest gluttons out there? And what's your job on the surface again? It sounds hilarious!"

"A bio-exorcist. Y'know how the living try to take out demons? I, a demon, take out the living for the dead." Beetlejuice jerked a thumb to his own chest with pride, then shrugged after thinking about it. “Granted, I can’t affect the living and I’m getting ghosts to make the living say my name, but it’s a good gig.”

“Well, ya don’t need to worry about that anymore once we get to the spot!” Bee assured him as he checked to see if anything else were following them, then sighing when they were in the clear. “I got some of my followers on the surface getting themselves into position. When we get there, I possess the leader, say your name three times, and we both get summoned into the land of the living. We scare and eat as much as we want, grow as we please, and we split the world and possibly the universe fifty-fifty!”

“Eighty-twenty.” Beetlejuice challenged.

“Seventy-thirty.”

“Sixty-forty, plus I get a Broadway musical and say-so on the merch!” The green-haired demon pointed finger guns at the other while winking.  

“Deal!” Both demons shook on it.

“Ay dios mio, is that what you were planning all this time?!” A tiny, muffled voice squeaked all of a sudden that almost made the two demons jump. Hearing the source near him, Beetlejuice blinked and glanced down at one of his shirt pockets. He reached to open it when a small head poked out of the pocket. A blueish-green head with long red hair that Beetlejuice recognized from anywhere.

"Teresa?! What are you doing here?" He exclaimed as he almost fell backwards in his seat. The woman in question stood up from her spot in the pocket and lifted her arm to point up at him.

"I could ask you the same thing, mi canalla! Here I am, riding and sliding in your pocket instead of taking my well-earned, once-in-a-death time break! Do you know how much paperwork I needed to file to get it approved?!" Teresa scolded while almost ripping strands of her own hair out, then sighed as she pinched her forehead and muttered in Spanish briefly. "I saw you leaving the Netherworld and I got worried, so I followed you and hid in here while you shifted."

At that, the dead-born demon scowled and crossed his arms. "There's nothin' ta worry about. I'm fine on my own!"

Beelzebub glanced from the wheel to see the tiny spirit and gave a slight smirk, reaching to poke her with his pointer finger. "Huh... So your guardian ghost is Miss Argentina?" At that, Teresa snapped her fingers and pushed the large appendage away.

"That's Miss Teresa Maria Argentina to you, buster! No touching!"  She craned her head up to the giant that carried her. “Who does this guy think he is, anyway?”

“This guy is the demon prince of Gluttony.”

Teresa scoffed, then did a double take and stared at Bee again. "Huh. Not what I expected for the king of all pigs."

"La adulación la llevará a todas partes, Señorita. And there's more to gluttony than just eating." The demon crooned, focusing back onto the street. “We’re in the age of excess, honey, and you’re a part of it whether you like it or not.”

“Oh no, I’m not going to be in your little scheme of yours! Which, by the way, will backfire!” Miss Argentina pointed out before crossing her arms in disapproval.

“You can come to the land of the living with us?” Beetlejuice offered with a grin. Before Teresa could reply, both she and the dead-born jolted forward when Beelzebub suddenly on the brakes. The three looked out the window to see an entire row of demons barricading the street. Some demons had motorcycles and their own cars while others stood with their hulking bodies alone. All of them came in different shapes and sizes. A particular demon who looked more like a chubby dragon in form stepped forward from the crow of angry demons.

“Beetlejuice, we got ya surrounded! Come outta the glutton's car. We just need ta talk!” The dragon demon bellowed with a brash voice.

Beetlejuice let out a laugh, his hair turning a bit yellow at the tips as he opened his window and waved. "Heeeeeey, Rosco! How's the femur?" A growl and glare was his only reply.

"Go on ahead! I'll see if I could blow these guys off and contact Mintaka to back us up! I'll catch up with you two when I can." Beelzebub ordered. Without waiting for an answer, he revved up his engine and made a sharp 180 turn. Magma spewed from between the wheels and created a large wave of molten rock, causing the line of demons to scramble away from it.

“Now!” Beelzebub shouted as Beetlejuice's door opened by itself. The ghost didn't need to be told twice. He flew out of the car and landed on his feet before he ran into a nearby alleyway. A few demons and imps who had avoided the magma followed him.

Teresa clung to the edge of the shirt pocket for dear afterlife as her giant mode of transportation moved quickly. Yes, she was dead, but that didn't mean she was immune to pain. It was also a force of habit.

Beetlejuice cursed at himself. It would've been much easier if he were at the surface and he could just teleport himself away. He didn't have that luxury in Hell. Seeing a wired fence up ahead, he had a plan. He pulled at his hair three times as if grabbing something, then he seemed to throw something invisible to his pursuers. All of a sudden, three clones of himself appeared in front of the demons, blocking them from their path as he leapt onto the fence and clambered up to the other side.

"Damn that rat!" One imp exclaimed in frustration. Beetlejuice smirked and continued moving. After a while, he came across an open clearing and an entrance to a burning park covered in glowing stalagmites. They were close to the summoning spot. The ghost with the most cheered, jumping into the air and pumping his fist. Nothing could ruin his moment! He took a few steps forward...

... only to get tackled by a large dust cloud consisting of Rosco and Beelzebub clawing and gnawing at each other. Beetlejuice snarled as his nails and fangs sharpened, trying to push both demons off of him while biting and scratching anyone who came too close. Teresa ducked down to the safety of the shirt pocket, questioning her afterlife choices. The ball of fighting seemed to stop when both Beetlejuice and Beelzebub grabbed Rosco by the shoulders and slammed him to the side of a building.

"Ha!" The two demons exclaimed in victory. The impact was so great, it caused the building to break in half and topple over, hitting the building next door. And the one after that. And the one after that. Soon, there was a giant building version of dominoes falling one by one until it stopped at a particular office building where two demons were having a meeting.

"BETELGEUSE/BEELZEBUB!" Two voices roared suddenly, echoing all over Hell and possibly the Netherworld as well. Both demons in question stood up straight, let go of the dragon demon, and winced in unison.

"Oh crap."

Before either of them knew it, the two demons and the spirit found themselves in Lucifer's domain, tensed and unaware of what would transpire. As Bee got dragged away in chains, Beetlejuice stood in the middle of the hallway and averted his eyes from Juno's sight, his hair and outfit turning a gloomy violet as his wrists shifted from the handcuffs behind him. Teresa stood on the director's shoulder, not saying a word.

"Why doesn't this surprise me one bit?" Juno stated calmly, only to shriek when Beetlejuice opened his mouth to speak. "You damn fool! You couldn't give me just one year of peace without screwing it up!"

"But mom-!"

"BUT NOTHING! I'll deal with you later." Juno raised the palm of her hand, causing Beeltejuice to stumble backwards and freeze. Without delay, she then took out a piece of chalk from her hair and drew a tiny door on the nearby wall. She knocked on the door three times with her pinky and the door opened up to reveal green mist. She then aligned herself so the ghost on her shoulder was in front of the entrance.

"I take it you enjoyed your relaxing break?” Juno asked in a saccharine tone. Not waiting for an answer, she exclaimed. “Now get back to work! We just got a bus load of casino gamblers who are probably going to fight with the football players and do who knows what. And no word of what you saw here to the others, understand?”

"Yes, ma'am." Teresa nodded as she held herself while trying to look as professional as possible. She strutted to the door, but stopped just as she was about to enter. She turned her head to look back at Beetlejuice who tried not to make eye contact with her. With a sympathetic frown, she gave a slight wave and made her exit, the door shutting behind her. Beetlejuice looked to the door and sighed, only to yelp when his handcuffs tugged him forward.

“Come on, Lawrence. Satan’s waiting for you.” Juno ordered, walking ahead past her son. She beckoned her finger and the handcuffs tugged again, forcing Beetlejuice to follow her. They went down the hallway and entered the last room which was filled to the brim with demons and imps like a courtroom. Most of them were either involved with recent events or were nearby. There were conversations between their groups until the Shoggoths entered the room, causing the room to become silent.

Juno took Beetlejuice to the front of the stand where the Cardinal Council sat in tall podiums waiting for him. The Cardinal Council consisted of powerful demons who embodied the seven main cardinal sins known to humans. Belphegor of Sloth was dozing off in his seat. Leviathan of Envy was writing a few notes to themselves. Asmodeus of Lust brushed his pink long locks with a comb and some help with a breeze he summoned. Mammon of Greed fidgeted with his coins like always. Beelzebub of Gluttony managed a subtle wave to the dead-born. Last but not least, Lucifer stood at the tallest podium. Despite popular belief, he had the honor of having both Pride and Wrath in his repertoire. Nothing changed about him except that he had more fur and goat features at the moment. Beetlejuice took his place in front of the council, but felt the force from his mother staying with him. Once everyone was accounted for, Lucifer cleared his throat and drummed his claws on the podium.

“Out of all the dead-borns we have in Hell and all over, you have got to be the most stubborn pain in the ass I ever met.” He started, glaring down at the dead-born.

"Lucy, hey! How ya doin'? Your horns look extra-curly today." Beetlejuice casually greeted with a wink.

"Flattery will get you nowhere with me, Lawrence." The goat demon deadpanned. Beetlejuice felt his handcuffs tugging him back and he glanced to see his mother's disapproving frown. Swallowing the negativity for now, he returned his attention to the one in charge.

"C'mon, Lucifer. Let's talk demon to demon, huh? Sure, I snuck down here to hang out with one of the most powerful demons in Hell and destroyed a few things, but what demon hasn't?" The ghost with the most laughed and shrugged. "Besides, it's not like the first few times I messed up here."

“Oh, where do I begin with that?” Lucifer asked in a sardonic tone before he pulled out a large scroll from behind his back and unraveled it. The paper dropped on the ground and continued to roll onto the ground, stretching out of the room and seeming to continue rolling. Yellow strands of hair started to appear on Beetlejuice’s head.

“Surely, you must be exaggerating!” An imp who stood below the podium exclaimed in disbelief, leaning over to read the long scroll.

“This is Beetlejuice we’re talking about. Am I? Let’s read a few random ones, shall we?” The ruler of Hell took out a pair of eyeglasses and placed them on before skimming to a random spot on the list. “There was the time that he and another dead-born managed to freeze all of Hell for a while because, and I quote, ‘We need to have a snow day’.”

"We really needed one!" Beetlejuice shot back in defense. "I've seen breathers enjoy those all the time and Mint owed me one!"

Lucifer chose not to answer as he continued, "You let all the hellhounds loose and insisted that Cerberus should go on a 'play-date'."

"Hey, what Spot and I have is something special! They and Sandy would get along great eating souls and all."

"They are MY pet!"

"Eh... you say 'pet', I say 'furry and fun three-headed acquaintance'."

"And let's not forget the 'food' incident when you somehow managed to make the Netherworld smell like coconut, Hell smell like guacamole, and nearly consumed a hundred souls assigned to a specific place in Hell!" Nearly every demonic being in the room shuddered at the memory.

At the last offense, Beetlejuice shuddered as he nodded in agreement. "Okay, now that was a mistake I will never do again. The last time I would ever make anything in the Lust district. We'll leave it at that! No offense, Azzy."

"None taken." Asmodeus muttered from his seat, not knowing whether to bleach the memory from his brain or keep it.

"The point is you've been causing trouble both here and the Netherworld for centuries despite your curse and I'm at my limit for the last time!" Lucifer sneered, rolling the scroll of crimes back up and making it disappear.

The demons, imps, and four members of the Cardinal Council talked amongst themselves. No doubt they were talking about Beetlejuice and how annoying he was. Beelzebub raised his hand.

"Hey, Satan. It was my idea in the first place. B-Juice was just going along with it. Can't we just lock him outta Hell for a while and curse me instead?" The demon of Gluttony offered. The demon of Pride and Wrath glared at him.

"Oh look at you, trying to act all noble!" Lucifer's voice went up a pitch as he clasped his hands in mockery before he dropped the act and adjusted his glasses with a frown, earning a glare from Bee. "Don't play cute with me. He'll just somehow come here and you two will cause mayhem again!"

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Juno commented drily. The mutters and clamor resumed until Lucifer smacked the side of the podium with his tail hard, causing the room to be silent.  

"What we need is a more... proper punishment. A curse that'll make sure you get the message through that thick skull of yours." With a wave of his wrist, a hefty folder of papers stamped with Beetlejuice's name on it appeared on the podium. Lucifer then started skimming through the file. This continued for a minute or two until his eyes widened at a particular page. He glanced at the dead-born.

"You're obsessed with humans, right? I believe you call them breathers in the Netherworld. You and Bee have that much in common."

No one said a word. Beelzebub averted his gaze from everyone, sinking into his seat as he wanted to be anywhere but there. Juno blew a smoke ring, keeping her thoughts to herself. Beetlejuice continued to glare at the ruler of Hell from his position. Lucifer placed down the stack of papers and took off his eyeglasses to stare at the other. He was silent for a moment until he gave a slight smirk.

"Since you like breathers so much, I should give you what you want. It is what you deserve, after all." He rubbed his claws against his chest before he pointed one at the dead-born. "Lawrence Betelgeuse Shoggoth, you are still banished to the world of the living and cannot say your true name, but I'm adding a few details so you'll stay put. The first one? I'm sealing you to the one item that'll be your downfall."

Lucifer snapped his fingers and a flame burst up from the ground, forming a specific shape. When Beetlejuice noticed what the shape was, he paled.

"No... Not that. Anything but that!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, yes that. Congratulations, you're going to be... LITERATURE!" The flames died down and a large book with a black cover floated in the air. Upon seeing it, Beetlejuice dropped to his knees and screamed dramatically.

"But I can't spell! You maniac!"

"And that's not all! You will be sealed inside this book for all eternity unless you can bond with a living person. It could be any type of bond as long as it's genuine and strong. I'll add some more rules for you to read at your leisure. Until then, only a breather who can read your book could set you free and we all know the chances of that happening!" Lucifer laughed, causing everyone to join him. He then turned to Juno, raising an eyebrow. "This curse alright with you, Juno?"

"Beetlejuice becoming the very thing he destroys? Now that's something I would like to see." The director of Netherworld Customs almost grinned at that. Her son stared at the ground, the purple on his body and hair getting deeper. Seeing that Juno had no complaints, Lucifer then addressed everyone else.

"All those in favor of turning Betelgeuse into a book and throwing him out, say 'Eye'."

"Eye!" Everyone in the room except Beetlejuice and Beelzebub raised their hands, some of the demons even held up their own eyeballs. Lucifer took a quick scan and grinned.

"It's settled. Majority rules. Time to go. Bye, Bug-Beverage!" With a sadistic glint in his eye, the demon ruler snapped his fingers. The large book floated in the air and opened itself, its pages flipping and glowing until it stopped at the center of the book. Once it stopped, a swirling vortex appeared on both pages, acting as a powerful wind current as chains shot out from the book and connected with the ghost's handcuffs to pull him in. Beetlejuice panicked.

"No, wait! I'll behave, I promise! Not this, anything but this! Satan, the things I do ta get a different beginning from the original source material!" Beetlejuice cursed as he gripped at the ground to hold himself from the wind current and chains pulling at him.. It only increased the suction, causing some demons and imps to brace themselves.

His claws dug deep onto the floor as he was dragged by his chains towards the book. Gritting his fangs, Beetlejuice reached out to Beelzebub and cried out, "Tell my story!" Before the gluttony demon could respond, the ghost with the most was sucked into the book and it slammed itself shut.

Everyone in the room applauded and let out a sigh of relief. With a deadpan expression on his face, Beelzebub got up from his seat.

"Well... that was fun." Bee yawned and rolled his eyes, pointing to the other side of the room. "I'm out!"

"Ah-ah-ah. Not so fast!" Satan crooned and grabbed the orange-haired demon by the shirt collar to stop his escape. "I haven't forgotten about you nor my original plan. Just need to put the finishing touches..."

Without any explanation, Lucifer pulled Beelzebub's arm towards his face and bit at the other's thumb, causing the latter to scream. He then slammed Beelzebub's left hand onto the book. Black blood seeped from the thumb and spread onto the entire book, glowing orange upon contact. When he felt that there was enough, Lucifer took off Bee's hand and waved over the book, causing the glow to fade. With that, the seals were complete.

Having watched everything, Juno stared at the book her son was in, her face expressionless. She then took a drag of her cigarette and glanced away, almost relieved. "Let the living deal with him now."

"Where should we drop 'im, boss?" An imp asked as it hopped next to Lucifer, ready to complete the deed once and for all.

"The one place rarely anyone would find it so easy." The ruler of Hell replied after a bit of thought. "A place no one would ever expect such a powerful book to be!"

Late at night on the surface where the living dwelled, a red portal opened up above the sleepy town of Winter River, Connecticut. The black book fell out from the portal, its blank pages fluttering with the air as the portal immediately closed back up. The book continued to fall until it reached above an old tall house on a hill, going through the roof and landing right inside the attic of the house where it waited for someone, anyone worthy, to open and read it.

[darkestwolfx]

Tumblr Ask #2

Here we go! This is the completed ask that I have been meaning to post for ages.

So, I am currently absolutely shattered (and still running on coffee with all my posts uploading on scheduled times without me), but it’s proving to be completely worth while. Due to the lack of pollutants and people at the moment, we’ve already seen a slight improvement in conditions for Arctic Wolves - hooray! But guess who gets to be stuck here typing it all up? Yeah, right now I wish I was the one in Greenland, even though Monday I definitely remember saying the opposite. So yeah, At the moment, I’m spending a lot of time writing like an academic, so, please, please, please feel free to throw as many fun tasks into my ask/message box as you like!

Anyhow, anonymous asked for stars, and didn’t specify a single one, so I’m assuming you wanted the whole block? That is what I’ve done anyhow. Enjoy learning more about me!

Stars: Experiences;

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol? I’ve had champagne. A friend bought me the bottle for my 21st which also coincided with the completion of my dissertation. Other than that, I don’t drink alcohol. I’ve never really taken to it. I was always the person driving as well, or looking out for everyone else which didn’t bother me so… yeah. I’m not a drinker really.

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class? Yes. I am not claiming to be perfect! I failed art at year 9 level (I still say that was because it is subjective not objective) so in the UK that technically doesn’t go on any records. On paper I have failed chemistry (just) and German. I still maintain that I had a really poor teacher (they used google translate in lessons), because I learnt Portuguese, Spanish, Arabic and Greek without any issues. I’m still working on French – I know enough, I’m just not really fluent with it.

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? Yes, and they terrify the life out of me! Believe it or not, I’m not keen on planes, for all I’ve traveled and rollercoasters reminded me of the same feeling. Theme parks all in all just aren’t really me. My best friend loves them, and she loves taking me to them because I become the ‘hold my stuff and sit on that bench to wait for me’ person. It’s a good deal for me, because she pays for the outing. Chips and treats all day for one day, it’s good, better than the rollercoasters.

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?  Yes, yes, and yes. How long do you have? I’ve probably been out of the UK enough times already for my lifetime! At the moment I’m not planning any more journeys, but some of my past ones haven’t been expressly planned. Best to do these things whilst you’re young though right? My Grandma never traveled much and always gave me that as a piece of advice and I have definitely listened. Also, because some of them were work based trips, I got to claim expenses! Although, actually that isn’t as fun as it sounds… Anyhow, I have been to Brazil, technically Peru and Colombia though most of that was within the Amazon Rainforest, and Venezuela. I’ve also technically stepped foot in Chile and Argentina, but not long enough (in my opinion) to really say I’ve been there, just on a stopover journey. I’ve been to New York, once. That is my limit of America – really need to get there a bit more. I’ve never been to Asia. I’ve been to quite a lot of Europe; Spain, France, Italy, Czech Republic, Prague (seriously beautiful place, go there people), Norway, to the south of the North Pole (a little village, I can’t remember the name of, but they call it the home of Santa, and it’s the closest you can get to the North Pole before you lose civilisation), and Greenland – totally recommend, lovely, lovely place – not to mention the Arctic Wolves! Seriously though, if the get the chance, travel whilst you can.

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness? Goodness yes. I’ve cried sometimes without even really knowing why I’m crying! I’ve come to the conclusion that we’re best to let things happen if they need to. Our bodies know more than we do at times I believe.

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about?  There’s a bit of a list here really as I’ve had the chance to see some absolutely amazing things. I would say the Northern Lights are definitely up there. Another would be toucans out in the Amazon. The people there have taken to raising a bunch of them to help them keep adapting. They’ll sit on your shoulder and eat berries out of your hand, it’s so amazing. I’ve got a photo as well, so it’s impossible to forget about it really.

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about? Probably the obvious one by now, but the planet and its wildlife, after all, it’s my long-term career. Other than that, my eyesight – so that I can continue to see the wonders of the world, document and research them.

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone? Yes. I broke my ankle when I was eighteen, and I broke my hand whilst I was in the Rainforest. Long story, very long story and the locals found it absolutely hilarious. All I’m going to say is that the children were teaching me a new game… that is all I am saying! That full story is staying in the Amazon, thank you very much!

Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret? No actually. Not forced to. I’ve been pulled into the little games of ‘keep this secret from so and so’, but never actually anything serious.

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend? Yes, sadly. Jamie. Great guy. He committed suicide (which might now make more sense as to why I’m always picking out mental health references, especially towards men) whilst I was in the Rainforest last year. My friends kindly took me to the funeral via Skype – not the most formal of ways to attend a funeral, but I have a feeling Jamie would have really liked that. Still, and I know I couldn’t have changed anything, but it was the one part of my trip that made me wish I was home. Although, it was another part of my trip which made me love the community I was staying with even more. They were great and really lovely people. Before I left for the Rainforest, a lot of people were warning me about all the reports of worst case scenario events which they’d heard about, but actually being there, I found little founded truth in some of them. The majority of people I met were genuinely lovely (and they threw me a really nice birthday party as well).

Anyhow, that answer went a little off topic, so let’s move onto the last one.

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? Oohh… tricky one. Um… I mean I’m sure there is something, it’s just taking me a lot of time to think of something, and so I am resorting to typing whilst I think to see if something comes to me… um… No. I’ve got nothing coming to me. You know what, if anything does, I will update this post.

[baldysims]

Strange Legacy 3.2

“Hey bro, how was college? Still have all your skills maxed?”

“Oh, Di, it was amazing! You wouldn’t believ--”

“Hang on, I just realized it’s the middle of the day and I somehow failed to get in my coffin and am about to die from sunlight exposure yet again. Hold that thought.”

“But--!”

“We’ll talk about skilling laterrrrrrr! Hissssssss!”

Third generation heir Fornax has returned to the legacy lot and been reunited with his parents and older-but-perpetually-teenaged sister, Diadem. The main household got played a bit while the rest of the kids were at college so I could troubleshoot the whole teen vampire thing with fewer distractions.

It turns out teen vamps are hard, but not that bad when you build them a garage full of snapdragons and give them a fancy sports car to shield them from the sun’s harsh rays on their way to and from school... at least when certain other people aren’t hogging the coffin. *coughCASSIEcough*

Yep, Cassie’s back home too. Why? Well, I wanted a platinum grilled cheese grave for the lot, but I also really didn’t feel like making another Sim eat 200 sandwiches. Sue me.

It’ll be nice to have an extra set of hands around to raise generation 4, though, especially since I’m sure I’ll be pretty distracted a lot of the time with keeping Di alive... in a manner of speaking.

Generation 4 will be here very soon, since Fornax took less than a day to fulfill his lifelong (or at least last-two-years-of-college-long) dream of becoming a rock star. Not bad for a former nerd who never even made out with a girl until after he’d already graduated.

Fornax’s wedding to Danni, the sexy heroic firefighter of his dreams, was thoughtfully held at night so that all members of the Strange family could attend, both living and dead.

Unfortunately this included some family members who probably shouldn’t have been invited, like Uncle Alpheratz.

Ever a man of class, he couldn’t even wait until the reception was over to start trash talking the groom. It’s extra gross when you realize that the woman he’s talking to is his daughter Cursa, who you might remember along with her sister Bellatrix as the tearful, brokenhearted children from the last family wedding Alpheratz ruined.

What have Bells and Cursa been up to since we saw them last, anyway?

Well, Bellatrix married the love of her life, Tybalt Capulet, and became a business tycoon in the family company. She’s angling to get her son, Lucius, named the heir to the Capulet fortune, but I doubt that’ll happen given how matriarchal the Capulets are. Still, she tries. I guess you can take the girl out of the patriarchy, but you can’t take the patriarchy out of the girl.

Cursa moved into Capulet Manor alongside her sister, and immediately began a scandalous May-December romance with Tybalt’s grandfather, Consort. No one in the family has told Betelgeuse about their affair, and for good reason. Bete was raised to believe every Sim in the family must abide by the Strict Family Values and True Love handicaps, regardless of whether they were raised in the main household or not. The knowledge would only hurt him, and clearly, he’s happy in his blissful ignorance.

Bete also doesn’t know that his youngest daughter, Electra, is also keeping certain aspects of her life as a spare a secret from him.

Sure, she locked down a True Love in her college years and married him as soon as humanly possible, just like her parents always dreamed, but given that she and Freddy are a couple of video game-obsessed slackers who can barely put down the handhelds to feed themselves, much less raise a child, I decided to let them embrace the wonders of modern birth control.

And so it seems that Betelgeuse and Angeline’s only grandchildren will be through Fornax and Danni. Speaking of whom, let’s get back to their wedding; I think we’ve gone on more than enough spare-related tangents for one chapter.

Danni Strange, former last name unknown, is a knowledge Sim and former firefighter who is truly, madly, deeply in love with her dork of a husband. She saved his life back in college and the sparks, so to speak, were instant.

Danni’s very well liked by the rest of the Stranges. Cassie used to be the sole holdout, but now that Danni is officially part of the family, she seems to have come around.

It’s shaping up to be a very wholesome generation.

Danni got pregnant right away, and spent the majority of her pregnancy working on maximizing all her skills. She’ll need them, because I want to get the collection point for having all the career rewards this generation.

Danni was game, and dedicated herself so thoroughly to this task that she even gave birth with her skilling hat on.

Little Gomeisa here turned out to be a girl, which gave Betelgeuse a little anxiety. He himself took four tries to have a boy with his wife Angeline, and they ended up cutting it pretty close age-wise. He doesn’t want that stress for his own son, so he urges his son to try for more grandchildren as soon as possible.

Fortunately, that’s not a problem for Fornax and Danni. Their chemistry is through the roof and they basically go at it like rabbits constantly, so it wasn’t long before Danni gave birth to another girl, Hamal.

This did not relieve Betelgeuse’s concerns.

“Son, you realize that only boys can inherit the legacy heirship, right? You have to have at least one, and really, two is best.”

“You think I don’t know that, dad?”

“Of course not, Fornax, but I want to talk you through some of the implications. The only way it’s mathematically possible for you to have an heir and a spare is to have at least two more children.”

“So? That’s fine. I mean, sure, I’m not a Family Sim like you or grandpa, but I’m permaplat and Danni’s definitely up for it.“

“The problem, son, is that there are already seven people in this house. Di can’t move out until your mother and I die, which we’re nowhere close to, and Cassie can’t leave or we lose the grilled cheese grave. Essentially, you’ve only got one more chance to get a boy... and I hope you’ll agree that we should maximize it.”

That’s right, it’s cheesecake time! Betelgeuse himself was a cheesecake twin, so of course he’s aware of this classic legacy strategy.

I actually hate having twins, especially during the toddler years, but Betelgeuse is right -- it only makes sense to double the chance of getting an heir before it’s too late.

And so Danni went through a third, much more difficult pregnancy, while the rest of the household worked as hard as they could on various miscellaneous legacy milestones.

Cassie spent a lot of time tediously job-hopping for various career rewards, and also painted the next generation of Strange family portraits. She herself won’t have an official portrait as a spare, but I thought it would be nice to let her memorialize herself for posterity with a grilled cheese masterpiece.

Betelgeuse finished his memoirs, as demanded by the Storyteller handicap.

He also spent some genie wishes bulking up the family fortune. The Stranges don’t really need money for money’s sake, since they’re already swimming in filthy lucre, but in order to get maximum points they'll need $3,000,000 by generation nine, so every simoleon counts.

Diadem earned all of her point-based scholarships as well as an impossible want point by maximizing her skills. Now that she’s free most nights, she spends a lot of time acting as her nieces’ night nanny.

“Glowing skill milk for Gomeisa! Hissssssssss!“

Unfortunately, I realized too late that I made a big mistake by maximizing Di’s skills as quickly as I did. She’s knowledge, so now that she doesn’t have anything left to learn, the only real big-ticket wants she can satisfy are being scared by ghosts... and ours aren’t exactly cooperative.

“Grandma, scare me! Bleh!”

Grandma Sharon would never, Di. She’s too nice. Sorry. You’ll have to wait for Grandpa Zaniah... and for some reason the only time he ever came out to haunt was to scare your mother during her last pregnancy. Jerk.

Di also tends to get lured by the siren call of the career reward collection, which I foolishly stored out of sight in the backyard. Pretty much every morning I lose track of her until I realize from her red icon that she’s been roasting in the sun.

“You can’t blame me for wanting to live on the edge! It’s what teenagers do! And I’ve been a teenager for decades now.”

Yeah, fair enough.

Finally, the twins come along... and it’s two more statistically improbable girls, Ilkil and Jishui. I was so upset by this revelation that I completely failed to take a decent birth photo. I mean... ugh. The house is as full as full gets, but no one can really go anywhere until either the girls grow up and go to college, or I decide to kill Betelgeuse or Angeline. I really don’t want to have to deal with annoying non-Old Age ghosts this early in the legacy... so that means I’m stuck raising four girls while Fornax and Danni’s adult lifespans get shorter and shorter, unable to be lengthened even by Elixir of Life due to yet more legacy handicaps.

That’s right, little spare, grow up! Grow up in your pajamas with no party and no cake. With all 4+ of you little monsters running around, it’s not like birthdays are going to be anything special around here.

It goes without saying that the whole house is basically living off of cheesecake right now. Betelgeuse made a lot. Just in case.

The sole exception to cheesecake for dinner is when the headmaster comes over for lobster, but even then, Angeline objects.

“Fornax, you don’t need to go to such lengths. Just let me fix BJ a few drinks! We go way back, you know.”

I was pretty sure that was the booze talking, but then this happened:

Well, I’ll be damned! I guess booze really does beat out a home cooked meal. I’ll keep that in mind for my next dinner party.

“Aunt Di, why do me and Hamal have to go to private school and study so hard just to start college early? That sounds boring.”

“Gogo, I’m going to lay some truth on you. Private school is the best thing in life. I mean that, literally. The only joy I get in life anymore is from the occasional report card that barely keeps me out of aspiration failure. Hissssssss!”

Yeah, I think Diadem might be depressed.

To cheer her up, I sent her on a date -- the good, expensive kind, not the Aunt Electra “Just take my $25 so I can get a memory token” kind. The matchmaker conjured up Adam, a store clerk who’s been selling the Stranges clothing and groceries since the dawn of the legacy.

Diadem couldn’t get enough of him. He seemed genuinely fascinated by her stories of being abducted by aliens back before getting vamped, and for once in her life since maximizing her skills, Di felt... passion.

Of course, love in a knowledge Sim vampire tends to express itself in a rather, um, aggressive way, and, well... I just couldn’t resist the aspiration bonus.

Sorry, Adam. I'll try not to burn you to a crisp when the Stranges visit community lots during the day from now on.

After claiming him as a creature of the night, Di claimed her first kiss, just as the sun came up. Away with you into your coffins! Bleh!

Oh, Angeline. Booze for dinner with the headmaster, and now booze first thing in the morning? I get that you picked up certain habits from your mother in law, but did you have to pull Fornax in on the day drinking? He’s been so functional up til now!

“I resent that. I day drink purely out of my own free will, just like you would if you knew you’d be changing diapers until retirement age.”

Sigh... fair enough.

In other news, Cassie continues to pursue various careers in search of all 20+ career rewards. Most of the time I just nab them from the newspaper so she automatically grabs them, but sometimes I let her go all the way to the top.

Something about the sweet mad scientist robot hand just seems right for her, you know?

Anyway, we’re about halfway there as far as the career rewards go. I decided I was sick of them cluttering up my view of the lawn (the Stranges are trashy for sure, but like, rich trashy, not furniture-on-the-lawn trashy), not to mention almost killing Di every morning, so I resolved to spruce the place up with a mausoleum/career reward storage facility. And a greenhouse, because hey, why not go for that extra Seasons point?

We already have most of the fish thanks to Angeline, which is the hard part, so really all that’s left is the wishing well and a few juices. Might as well, right?

“Grandma, why can’t you play red hands with me?”

“Well, Hamal, you’ve got to be a good girl and study for when you become a teenager. And I’ve got to spend all day fishing so that I can get red and pass out on the lawn over and over!”

And so she did! Here, have an ugly photo of the upstairs hall proving that Angeline nabbed us every kind of fish.

And not a moment too soon, because as soon as the first leaves began to show on the crops in the greenhouse, Angeline received a ghostly final visitor.

R.I.P. Angeline Strange, former cute teen downtownie, wife and mother of four, Sim City General Chief of Staff and lifelong alcoholic. You were many things, but most of all fun to play, and I’ll miss you.

Poor Bete. Family Sims take the death of a spouse extra hard, so I was expecting this, but it’s still sad. Especially when his morbid vampire daughter discusses it so bluntly over a game of pool that very night.

I don’t mean to imply that Di didn’t care about her mother’s death. She did, of course! She was probably even closer to Angeline than Betelgeuse was. But Knowledge Sims show it in a different way.

And so Angeline was laid to rest in the upper floor of the mausoleum, where Sharon was already haunting in welcome. Hopefully she’ll have some company soon.

Life went on for the rest of the family, with Betelgeuse still hellbent on getting a grandson out of Danni and Fornax.

Yeah, yeah, she already promised to have more kids once you’re dead, Bete! Give it a (final) rest already!

“Aunt Cassie, do I have to die to get a brother too?”

“No, Gogo, of course not. You’ll just go to college, that’s all. We’re not killing anyone on purpose in this legacy until at least generation 7.”

I’m sure Gomeisa was very comforted to hear that.

In protest, she rolled Romance on her teen birthday, but just like Cassie last generation, I don’t think it suits her.

She is ridiculously uninterested in all the men she meets.

She’d much rather hang out with her younger sisters, especially Hamal, who’s about to join her in teenhood.

Now, I’m not a total monster, of course I let Gomeisa have a first kiss before I sent her off to college. The last thing I want is to force Fornax’s children to relive his grisly fate as an inexperienced child in college. Plus the wishing well we got from joining the garden club makes it so easy, how could I not?

Hmm, Loren Teens, not bad, not bad. Technically he’s part of yet another matriarchal Maxis family, the Tricous, but the Tricou matriarchs are all dead and Loren is ultimately just a descendant of one of the men who married in, so I don’t think Betelgeuse would necessarily object.

Especially since it’s finally his deathday.

R.I.P. Betelgeuse Strange. You did everything you could to continue your father’s legacy, even when you probably shouldn’t have, but I respect the effort. I hope you have fun whaling on Alpheratz in the afterlife.

With Betelgeuse finally dead and gone, Fornax and Danni were free to try for babies #5 and #6. Yes, I’m doubling up again, and if I get two more girls, I’m going to scream. I’m not even sure Danni will be young enough to carry another pregnancy if that happens. But hey, at least this picture of them cuddling under the stars is cute. I like to think they’re planning their babies’ names when they do this, since everyone in the family is named after either a star or a constellation.

Just like big sis Gomeisa, Hamal rolled Romance on her birthday and summoned a Tricou kid, this time Loren’s brother Tiave, from the wishing well for her first kiss. The girls in this family really seem to enjoy flirting with matriarchy.

Right after Hamal hit him and quit him, Zaniah popped out to scare her. I don’t think the old hypocrite approves of his great-granddaughters rolling Romance or dating Tricous.

With Gomeisa and Hamal’s first kisses obtained and generation two finally laid to rest, Diadem was able to nab her last scholarship and get shipped off to college with her nieces. I’m sure they’ll have a blast there while I head back to the home lot and pray to Wright for an heir who STILL hasn’t been born and (hopefully) play him all the way to teendom and young adulthood. Sigh.

Legacy Scoring:

Legacy: 3 Money: 2 Family friends: 38x.25 = 9.25 Impossible wants: 9 (Alph 20L, Sharon 30F, Zaniah 7Sk, Angeline 7Sk, Fornax 7Sk,  Cassiopeia 200S, Electra 50FD, Diadem 7Sk) Platinum graves: 4 (Family, Popularity, Fortune) Ghosts: 1 (Old Age) Business: 4 Seasons: 2 Free Time: 4.5 (Games: Zaniah, Betelgeuse, Alpheratz, Electra, Fornax, Cassiopeia, Angeline) Collections: 1 (25 Elixirs) Master: 2 (Social Bunnies Need Love Too, Child Prodigy - Fornax, ) Handicaps: 0 Overflow: Penalties: -1 (bills) Total: 38.85

[shardclan]

In the plaza of House Betelgeuse, what had once been a mere sprig of the Great Staroak had grown into a mighty new tree. Like Clover's bees, it had been hybridized with local species. It had a stunning mix of branches that sprouted leaves of gold or silver, each color shining correspondingly to whether it was day or night. It had long since outgrown the small arcane biome constructed to help it survive the early process, and lived on a healthy swath of wild grass that the fountain had been expanded to accommodate.

Rebis sat under the boughs alone, her nose deep in a book to avoid meeting any of the pitiful, apologetic looks she had been getting since case with Hihi'o had been resolved. She had insisted Prophecy had nothing to do with it, had waited patiently for her teacher to return so she could share the great news of her blessing from the Lightweaver. And that loyalty had all been for nothing. It was mortifying, but worse still it was terribly lonely. So when Apokathisto crossed the ornate stepping stones in the fountain to join her, she didn't immediately turn him away. 

"It's the last day of the jubilee," he said quietly. "Shouldn't you be celebrating?"

She shot him an irritable glare. "I can't believe you of all people are coming to me with small talk. Am I that pitiful?"

"It isn't about pity. It's about norms." he sat next to her, gently turning his thumbs one over the other. "Brightshine is the exact kind of celebration I'd expect you to be enjoying with all the people who love you."

"Well they're all gone!" she exploded. "Azricai and Equinox and all of Kea's family are dealing with the aftermath of that case! Penitence and Copernicus are in Feldspar! Dantalion and Camellia haven't been in the mood for company since Heaven ran off, Stellaria is busy organizing that surprise thing for Telos and when she isn't she hangs out at Bramble Step now! And Telos isn't even here! The list goes on!"

Apokathisto quietly let her have her moment. She sniffed, and shut her book. "Nobody has any room for me right now," she said tersely. "Happy?"

"No." He threw a comforting arm around her, momentarily making them both uncomfortable. He aspired to be more honest with his feelings, but casual physical affection wasn't normal for them. he settled for holding her hand instead, which had always been their way.

While it was weird, Rebis immediately missed the comfort of the hug as soon as he took it back. She sagged into him, her eyes stinging with angry tears. "She didn't even think about me, did she? Before she decided to just run off with Hihi'o."

"I don't know," he admitted. "I don't fully understand the feeling of having a charge. I haven't found mine."

"Good." She turned her face into his side, and from under his robes he felt both her hitching breaths and the wetness of her tears. "You're better off that way."

Apokathisto pressed him lips together and let her cry. He sympathized with Telos a little--how was he supposed to tell her? Especially when she was already in such a bad place? He wished he had more time, but when Telos returned she would almost certainly make her announcement. He wished Rebis were a little older, but she had always hated being small and spent much more of her time in glamour than he had. Though they were the same age, she hadn't matured as far as he had. And there was no time to wait for her to be older. He had looked out for her since they were young. She trusted him. And he couldn't betray that by not telling her.

"I'm sorry," he began. "I know it hurts. And I hope you know it isn't your fault. Is there anything I can do to help you enjoy the last of this celebration?"

"Why do you care?" she sniveled. "What's so important about this festival. There'll be more. There'll be Thundercrack."

"...Things might be different by then."

She pulled back and searched his eyes fearfully. "Different how?"

He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand. There was no point in dodging the truth when she was asking him so directly. He had come there to tell her after all. He just wished things were different. He wished he wasn't explaining while she was already hurt. "Telos is going to leave, Rebis. She's going to pass the crown. To us. She was always going to."

For several tense moments, he watched her try to digest this information. He remembered how it had felt when he learned it. But he had asked--demanded-- to learn it. Rebis was having it dropped on her when she hadn't asked for it and probably wouldn't have wanted to know if he had given her the choice.

The strain proved too much. Throwing her book aside, she ran. Apokathisto scurried to give chase, following her into the deeper parts of the ground level. "Rebis!" He shed his glamour and got ahead of her. "Rebis stop!"

She shed her glamour just as readily, abusing her tiny size and a flash of light magic to pass him by and disappear into the shadow under the Obsidian Disc. Blinking the spots from his eyes, he followed after her, his massive size working against him as he tried to figure out where Rebis was. He circled the Chalcedony Seat in a panic, his hackles raised by either the possibility that she might be there or by the thick, barely restrained energy that made him feel he was being watched by something from within the Celestial Vault.

A pop of light from the Starwood Portal got his attention and he sped toward it, only to find Rebis working some sort of spell before the writhing wood. The remains of a barrier were dissipating at her back, and without it there was no one there to stop her. "Rebis, please calm down," he tried. "We can say no. We don't have to take the responsibility. I've already told her I won't and you can too!"

"I'm sure that's what she said," Rebis said with surprising sobriety. "But I'm also sure that all it will take for you to change your mind is for to find out your charge is related to this."

The words hurt, even though he knew she was merely lashing out. Before he could think of a rebuttal, she had completed her magic. The wood that bound the portal was sparse--the dryad had taken a substantial chunk of it. There were plenty of holes big enough to fit a fae, so all Rebis had to do was mask her own magic, rendering her effectively invisible, and fly through.

Apokathisto's fear shot through into panic. He rushed after her, but the irritable wood of the Archmage's former staff was not blind to him. His massive form was easily too much for it to fully snare, but the magic it lashed him with seared his scales, near paralyzing him with pain. Desperately, he abandoned his form for the smaller target of his glamour. He slipped through the grip of the wood, and tumbled through to the other side.

Almost instantly, the pain vanished. He breathed in deep and felt the steam of his breath on condensing on his skin. The chill was as refreshing as it was biting, and the ambient arcane energy was nearly overpowering. Overhead, bright pink bursts of magic popped in a sky the color of pink chalcedony, while below stray formations of natural celestine glittered in the earth as brightly as starts in the night sky, punctuated by the odd short pillar towering above his head. Far, far above, the Eye of many Lenses was a bronze crescent of reflected light.

"The Isles..." he whispered reverently.

The awe was short lived as the memory of just where the portal naturally led came back to him. The density of scattered celestine chunks were an indicator he hadn't quite caught. They were in the former site of the Seat. The Chalcedony Circle remained, 36 stones perfectly aligned to the stars and to the distant Observatory. A sense of deep unease came over him as he looked at them.

"Rebis?!" he called desperately. "Where are you?!"

He found her taking refuge in the shadow of a celestine pillar. The density of Arcane magic had clearly taken a toll on her, as it would have for any acolight. He grabbed her, but she forcefully swatted him away.

"What are you doing?" he cried. "Why did you come here?"

Truthfully, she didn't know. She didn't know if she cared about the crown one way or the other. Being granted responsibility for Telos' legacy was daunting, but it certainly felt like the greatest acknowledgement she could get from the queen she was so attached to. But she knew Telos. She knew if Telos stepped down, she would leave. She would go to where everyone she loved was, and leave this realm behind. And she felt a stab of childish guilt that she had somehow caused it during those fleeting moments she would wish Telos gone so Arcanus and Gethsemene and herself could be free. There was too much to unpack. Too much to make sense of. So she didn't.

"Before all this happened, I met with the Lightweaver, and she blessed me with a Truth related to my thesis." She assumed the position of the Arcanist’s Meditations. It felt simple in her draconic form. It felt natural. "I'm going to try and prove it."

"Rebis," Apokathisto said carefully, still glancing nervously at the Circle. "What does that have to do with the crown?"

"I don't know," she answered blithely. "I don't know what to do. So maybe I'll just leave it up to fate. If I prove my thesis and earn the right to be an Archmage, I'll take the crown. If I don't, I'll refuse."  Tears dripped freely from her eyes as she tried to laugh casually. "An Archmage queen sounds cool, right?"

Apokathisto was at a loss. He had expected many things, but this was beyond even his wildest imagining. He had pushed her over some threshold he didn't know she had, and when he opened his mouth, he found he didn't have words for her. She wasn't going to be swayed, so all he could do was watch her sink herself into a meditative state. But when her repeated monotone whisper reached his ears, it sent chills of fear through him.

“The sun is a star. The stars are the light. Light is reality. Arcane and Light are one.”

Rebis quickly forgot he was even there. The more she chanted and channeled the ambient energy carefully through her own body, the less she had room to think about anything else. Just as she had hoped. Her fae heritage seemed to be doing her a significant favor. The energies were rough on induction, but there was no immediate rejection. The energies danced within her, intertwining harmoniously even though bearing such a merge left Rebis drenched in sweat. She turned her mind to the Observatory, pleading for the acknowledgement of the stars--challenging them to tell her she was wrong before she crafted the spell that would cement her magical prowess and assure her the title of Archmage.

She hadn't expected such a clear answer.

DO YOU WISH FOR MORE THAN MY SISTER���S HALF-TRUTHS?

She had scarcely realized who was answering before He snatched her mind from her body and showed it the true scale of the Truth--and her place in it. Light was not reality. Light was time--a mere dimension and one eternally soiled by the perceptions of living creatures. And it was a byproduct among so many others of the chaos that saw stars born and galaxies merged. The Lightweaver may have been born first, but the Light was merely a finite aspect of Arcane infinity. An aspect that shed its truth only on the denizens of the present plane and could never seek truths beyond itself. When it tried to...

Rebis returned to herself with a sharp image of the Hewn City, and a cold and terrifying but unspeakable understanding of the things that lived under the eternal moonlight there. Her magic went haywire at that moment. The magic she had been working inverted, her Light magic losing itself and scattering across other points in light; in time. Her consciousness spread thin across the ages, delicate as a thread of spidersilk threatening to snap at the slightest disturbance. Faintly, she sensed beings outside of light, outside of time, watching her dissipation with cool interest, as if seeing a strange bug passing through their midst. Her light, sublimating across the enter timeline of Sornieth, didn't interest them.

...rebis...! ....re......biiiis!

That voice, she knew, was somewhere she was supposed to be. It was the when she was supposed to be. She clung to it with what little sense of herself she had, and called back.

Back inside the circle, Apokathisto was pacing, his chest hammering with panic. From his perspective, he had seen her fins raise, as if hearing something he couldn't, and the next thing he knew, she blurred out of existence right in front of his eyes with a look of pain. The Circle around him had begun to hum and flow with faint throbs of light. He had screamed for her out to her several times, and each time her voice seemed to call back to him from somewhere else. She was still right in front of him, in a way he didn't fully understand, and the stones were reacting to her.

He reached back out to where she was, and shouted for her to take his hands. There was a faint tingle in his fingertips, but nothing else happened.

He turned to the Observatory, and begged the Arcanist to bring her back. Nothing happened.

Finally, feeling his heart hammering in his chest, he gazed frantically down to the stones. Without thinking he ran to the nearest one. He was no mage, but he understood his way around Arcane element. He called the magic from within the stone into himself, and it leaped with predatory eagerness into him. The surge was enough to distort his horns and blacken his wings, charring patterns into them as he screamed. He tried to take his hands away, but found he couldn't. The energy poured into him, and he wasn't released until it was done.

He looked at his magic-burned fingers. They were massive. Clawed. His jaw was elongated. His body felt strange. The energy had partially peeled his glamour away. Numbly, he noted he could not feel his magic. But there was no time. He went back to where Rebis had been, hobbling and clumsy in this form that he had never been taught to use. He reached out with the magic of the Circle, and he could feel that Arcane energy that had bound itself to her. When he called out to her this time, he felt her small fingers touch his. She came back with an shuddering rumble of thunder.

And she wasn't alone. Something came back with her, and he felt a flush of adrenaline as he watched their indescribable shapes disperse. But he remained with Rebis, clutching her protectively. She hadn't come back quite right either. Her whole body was studded with pale stars and twinkling galaxies that could not possibly have been there. And her eyes were...

She gasped in his arms, and reached weakly and wretchedly for the celestine pillar. He held her close to it, and only when she touched it did she seem to relax, passing peacefully into an exhausted sleep.

"Rebis..."

There was a sharp pain at the back of his neck, and he too passed into darkness.

Lutia's temper was foul as she stood before her portal. First the dryad, then that over-curious fool Crucis dabbling with things he shouldn't have. Whoever had passed through her portal had certainly spared him, but they were going to take the full consequences of her anger two-fold on his behalf.

So she immediately cursed when it was Arcanus that she blasted after passing through the portal. He had been quick enough for a barrier, but her magic had gone through it like it was mere paper. He was only a magic knight, while she was an Archmage who was having a very bad day. 

"Gods, Arcanus what are you doing?!" she shouted, coming fretfully to his side. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?!”

He groaned, and carefully sat up, revealing Apokathisto and Rebis clutched gently and carefully to his chest. "No time to worry about me. I found them here. They need immediate medical attention--the kind where you or Ashes need to be with them the whole way."

She bristled. That meant a serious magical problem. Something that wasn't as simple as inundation, but potentially just as deadly. Still she sputtered when he pushed them into her and turned to go. "Wait, help me!"

"I can't. I am not meant to be here." He looked sincerely into her eyes. "As my old friend, please care for them. I trust you with this."

Lutia was left alone with the two children who stank fiercely of Arcane element, and a peculiar dread. As she realized it was because she could not feel the familiar thrum of the Circle's energy, she glanced at the children, and quickly returned through the portal to rush them Noon Point Medical.

[chasemisprintedlies]

Planets and Galaxies, but if you really want to, all of them. I wanna know.

All of them? Well here we go!

•Planets: Life•

Mercury: What’s your full name?Janet Raeshell CopherVenus: What’s your first language?English, but I know bits and pieces of a few others. Earth: Where’s your home?The middle of nowhere in Kentucky 😂Mars: What’s your sexuality?I’m straight. Jupiter: Do you have any siblings?Three. Two older brothers and an older sister. Saturn: Any pets?Two dogs. Monquita and Maurice. Uranus: What’s your hobby?Making phone cases, or anything artsy. Neptune: When’s your birthday?September 23.Pluto: What time is it right now where you are?12:28pmMoon: What are you currently studying/hope to study? I’m currently studying psychology and criminology.

•Stars: Experiences•

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol?Yes.Sirius: Have you ever failed a class?Also yes, unfortunately. Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? At least once a year. Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country?Yep! Went to Finland a couple of years ago ☺Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness?Occasionally, out of frustration. Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about? The time Morgan and I flipped a tricycle and I had to go to the hospital fora concussion… fun times. 😂Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about? My family, friends, and pets. Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?A few. Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret? Forced? No. Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend?A few. Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? Do relationships count? Because there’s a few of those. 😂

•Constellations: Favourites•

Centaurus: Favourite holiday? Halloween!Orion: Favourite month? September or October. Cassiopeia: Favourite book? Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Delphinus: Favourite study? Evolutionary psychology. Hercules: Favourite instrument? I don’t think I have one. Gemini: Favourite song? Nutshell by Alice in Chains. Pegasus: Favourite place to be? In bed with a book, or haunted houses.Libra: Favourite colour? Black. Phoenix: Favourite thing to wear?Jean or leather jackets with band tees. Aries: Favourite movie? What’s Eating Gilbert Grape… or Scream. Cygnus: Favourite weather? Rainy. Hydra: Favourite sound? I’m not sure.

•Galaxies: Love/Friends•

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend? As in, the one that’s stuck around the longest? Morgan. We’ve been best friends since third grade. Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social? Not really. I hate being around people more than I have to be. Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss? Seventh grade, I think? I was like 12 Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills?Terrible, but I guess they work well enough. Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much? Yeah. I’d been friends with the guy for years and thought I knew him as well as I could, but apparently not. He changed depending on who he was around. Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to?Considering it was some random guy writing me on facebook, probably not. Lol. Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now? I guess so.Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer?I think so. Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity?No, that just sounds mean. Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship? If I have to deny it, why do it?Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup? A couple of times.

•Other stuff: Wishes•

Comet: What’s your big dream? To work in a high security prison, studying the minds of the most messed up criminals possible. Asteroid: What does your dream life look like? A cabin somewhere in Colorado, with a view of the mountains and a pond out front. I’d have my 1976 Corvette Stingray, finally, and all of the pets my heart desired. I’d also have a personal library in said cabin to hold all of my books. 😂Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t? Nothing. Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be? I guess nothing. It’s all gotten me to where I am. Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing, what would it be?Sarah Ruth. She was too young. Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years?Achieve my dream of working in that prison 😂 Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die? Go to Ireland. Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be? That’s a hard question. I’d have to think about it.Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? That I’d magically meet Dacre Montgomery and he’d become absolutely smitten with me. 😂Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see? I have no clue. The last thing I want to see, like, ever? Like before I die? That’s a hard question. Lol.

[victorluvsalice]

Happy Birthday, Poesdaughter

@poesdaughter, I know that greeting doesn’t really make sense this year -- my condolences. I hope this does bring you at least a little happiness. It’s a crossover between your favorite Tim Burton property and mine -- or, at least, the beginning of one, since I’ve never seen Beetlejuice in full. ^^; We start off in one of those timelines where Victoria got to the church just that bit too late. . .

"Victor?"

Victor looked up. Emily was standing over him, twisting a bit of her dress between her hands. "Any luck?" he asked, although her sad expression was really answer enough.

She shook her head anyway. "The Elder doesn't think there's anything we can do," she said, slumping next to him on the coffin. "The dead are forbidden to interfere too much with the living. Even if we do go Upstairs again, we almost certainly couldn't get Victoria away from Barkis." She put her hand on his wrist. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Victor said, sandwiching it with his own blue-toned fingers. "None of it. I'm the one who thought she threw me over. I should have asked more questions, been more t-trusting--"

"You met yesterday afternoon," Emily interrupted, voice gentle. "You told me so. Even I wouldn't have agreed to run away with 'Eddie--'" She spat the name out "--after three hours. And you certainly couldn't known who 'Lord' Barkis really was. I'm the one who dragged you down here -- made it so her parents started looking for another groom."

"And I'm the one who didn't tell you right away I was already engaged," Victor responded. "Perhaps we should just agree to take the blame equally." He stared at the earthen sky above. "I thought -- I figured this would be a happy ending," he murmured. "That's why I wanted to have such a grand procession Upstairs. So you could get the wedding you always wanted. That we could start our afterlife together off right."

Emily's hand slid out of his. "We don't have to stay together," she whispered. "I understand if you -- our vows never really were completed, what with -- everything. I won't force you."

"Oh, no!" Victor jerked his head back down, taking her hand again. "Emily, that's -- that's not w-what I meant. I want to spend my afterlife with you. I wouldn't have a-agreed to the poison if I didn't. It's just. . .it was s-supposed to be with Victoria also happily married up Above. I could rest easy if I knew both of you were content."

Emily nodded. "I didn't want her married to my killer either. When I saw her in the church, so pale and worn. . .and then Barkis coming in on her heels, saying she was his wife and he wouldn't leave empty-handed. . ." She sighed, the breath hissing out through the hole in her ribs. "If she'd come a little earlier, if I'd seen her before you'd. . .I could have stopped this just in time. . ."

"There's nothing we can do about that now," Victor said, shaking his head. "I made my choice. I can live with it -- er, m-metaphorically." Emily let out a sad giggle. "I like Downstairs. I like you. I just -- I need to know she's safe. I need her to live -- not be another you."

"Me too," Emily replied, tears in her eyes. "But I don't know what we can do."

"There might be something I can recommend."

Victor blinked, then looked up to see Emily's black widow friend descending from the ceiling, Maggot sitting on her back. "The Elder doesn't like to talk about him -- but I think he's just what you need," Maggot continued, grinning.

"Who?" Emily asked, plucking the little green worm off the spider and putting him on the side of the coffin.

"A bio-exorcist," Maggot told them, as Black Widow settled beside him.

"A what?" Victor said, baffled.

"You know how an exorcist removes ghosts?" Black Widow explained, gesturing with a front leg. "A bio-exorcist is the reverse -- he removes people. Usually from a specific house, but I don't think he'll object to simply separating Barkis and Victoria."

"Oh yes," Maggot agreed, bobbing his head eagerly. "Just the sort of job he'd enjoy, I think. A beautiful lady in need of rescue? A fiend requiring a good scare? Right up his alley."

"He can be -- crude," Black Widow said delicately. "And his hygiene leaves something to be desired even for the dead. But he's very effective. I don't think Barkis would last long at all with him around."

Victor and Emily exchanged a desperate, hopeful look. Victor still wasn't sure what to make of it, or why Gutknecht hadn't offered this up as a possibility himself. But if Maggot and Black Widow were so confident that this "bio-exorcist" could save Victoria. . . "How do we contact him?" he asked, twisting his hands in his lap.

"All you've got to do is say his name three times," Black Widow said.

"That's all?" Emily clapped her hands. "What's his name, then?"

Maggott beamed. "Betelgeuse."

Emily blinked. "Beetle-juice?"

"Betelgeuse?" Victor echoed. "Like -- the star?"

"Well, I do consider myself one."

Victor nearly leapt out of his skin. He whirled around, only to come nose to nose with a pale man in a striped suit. Curiously enough, he wasn't blue, despite clearly being dead (the moss growing in his hair and around his mouth attested to that) -- instead, he was as pale as Victor had been in life, with flyaway hair and deep black circles around his eyes. He smirked at Victor, revealing rotten teeth. "What's the matter?" he asked. "Look like you've seen a ghost!"

"Ah -- Be--" Victor started.

The man shoved a finger in front of his lips. "Ah ah -- three to summon, three to send away, and seeing as I just got here. . ." He knocked on Victor's head, the sound echoing around the alleyway. "Then again, don't sound like you got much in the way of brains anyway." A cockroach skittered out of his sleeve and up his arm -- he caught it in his hand and popped it into his mouth as he stepped back. "So, what do you guys need me for? I ain't got all day." He crunched the insect thoughtfully. "And even if I did, I wouldn't want to spend it all on you losers." He ran an appreciate eye up and down Emily. "Or maybe I do. That is some gorgeous rot there." He nudged her, grinning like a penny dreadful villain. "Too bad I wasn't available earlier, huh? Ain't usually one to think of settlin' down, but baby, you got a bod to die for."

Victor and Emily shared another look -- this one much less hopeful. "Crude" had apparently been putting it mildly. I really hope we're doing the right thing. Although Black Widow probably has a point -- I can't see Barkis lasting long around him either. He sat up a little straighter. "It's about another wedding that just happened Upstairs. . . ."

[13flowersandfoxes]

1-169 because I saw your tag and I'm a reasonable man

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?Idk I like being tall until there are no tall guys who want to date me 
2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)Does that include realistically? Cause I'd love to have a fox or a snow leopard but foxes are expensive and there's no domestic snow leopards I've heard of. 
3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?I just wear what strikes me. I'm kinda all over the place style wise but I'm very true to myself. 
4: What was your favorite video game growing up?Soul Calibur II
5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:My best friend, my cat, food?
6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?Crazy bitch approach with caution
7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?
8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]I don't remember these well enough to say
9: Are you ticklish?... 
10: Are you allergic to anything?Morphine 
11: What’s your sexuality?Bi
12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?Not coffee
13: Are you a cat or dog person?Both
14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?Elf. Especially a Tolkien elf. 
15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?Not really
16: How tall are you?5'11
17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?Billie
18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]250
19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?In a way yes
20: Do you like space or the ocean more?Ocean. But both scare me in a way 
21: Are you religious?Yes
22: Pet peeves?People chewing loud or leaving cabinets open
23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?Nocturnal 
24: Favorite constellation?Orion
25: Favorite star?Betelgeuse 
26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?No
27: Any phobias or fears?Being alone
28: Do you think global warming is real?Believe pollution is an issue. But not sure I trust politicians and scientists with an agenda when other scientists are saying they are wrong. And they're trying to say they're stupid or crazy or should be killed for disagreeing. I just have a hard time trusting that people who do that are actually right. 
29: Do you believe in reincarnation?No
30: Favorite movie??
31: Do you get scared easily?No
32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?3
33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]7
34: What is a color that calms you?Green 
35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?Germany 
36: Where were you born?California 
37: What is your eye color?Green
38: Introvert or extrovert?Introvert
39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?No but I think they're harmless fun. I don't get why some people freak out like they're so bad to talk about hypothetically. I just think it's fun. 
40: Hugs or kisses?Both. Both is good
41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?My cat and my best friend(s). And that's gonna be happening soon as I'm on the plane right now. 
42: Who is someone you love deeply?My cat :P
43: Any piercings you want?Not really. Maybe my lobes. 
44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?Not excessively. But I love beautiful pieces of art and can really appreciate the art that goes into both. 
45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?No
46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!Ugh he's a writer loves cats one of my best friends, a little eccentric, and he's genuinely understanding. We've both gone through some hard shit and we trust each other in that
47: What is a sound you really hate?Coughing. People talking obnoxiously loud in public places that are generally quiet. I can't think of anything more specific okay I'm on a plane right now. 
48: A sound you really love?My cat. Also my aunts cat cause he can't meow right he sounds like a dying squeaky toy and I can't stop laughing
49: Can you do a backflip?No
50: Can you do the splits?Almost
51: Favorite actor and/or actress?Dunno. Like Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie to name a couple random ones. 
52: Favorite movie?Too manyyyy
53: How are you feeling right now?Tired and a little dizzy. I have a headache right now :(
54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?I'm happy with it being red. I'd like it to look slightly more orange though
55: When did you feel happiest?I'm not sure. Happy things seem tainted now. 
56: Something that calms you down?Animals 
57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]Bpd, possibly along with bipolar type 2 as suspected by my psychiatrist. 
58: What does your URL mean?I feel like I was something that had potential to be beautiful and good but it's just broken and painful now. 
59: What three words describe you the most?Crazy. Weird. Catlike. 
60: Do you believe in evolution?Yes. 
61: What makes you unfollow a blog?Being constantly douchey, or just annoying the shit out of me. I'm pretty nice though generally, I follow all sorts of people and I tend to like having variety in who I follow so I don't feel like I'm hearing the same shit over and over. It's a bit dull
62: What makes you follow a blog?Interesting content. Seems nice. Especially if they follow me first 
63: Favorite kind of person:Idk someone nice and funny that I can talk to easily. 
64: Favorite animal(s):I've said this so many times lol
65: Name three of your favorite blogs.Kellyann Saint Louis???
66: Favorite emoticon:💜💜💜💜 or 😊😊
67: Favorite meme:I miss the bad audition songs one. But I do have a special place in my heart for screencaps+tumblr posts/onion articles 
68: What is your MBTI personality type?Infj
69: What is your star sign?Sagittarius 
70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?Nope. She can sit and that's about it. She's not very bright. 
71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?Jeans and floral/sheer top
72: Post a selfie or two?Make separate post
73: Do you have platform shoes?Yeah
74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?I have webbed toes
75: Can you do a front flip?No
76: Do you like birds?To look at, but I probably wouldn't ever have one as a pet
77: Do you like to swim?Yes
78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?Swimming cause I'm very new to ice skating I've done it twice and once was on crappy skates that really hurt my feet. The other time I was doing circles okay following the wall
79: Something you wish didn’t exist:The dark shit I've seen on here
80: Some thing you wish did exist:A special hell for people who do that shit
81: Piercings you have?My daiths
82: Something you really enjoy doing:Cooking sometimes
83: Favorite person to talk to:My best friend 
84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?Well I remember in middle school when it was brand new everyone was getting one and I tried it and I was just like How the Fuck do I do anything then the next time I had heard Things and knew somewhat what to expect 
85: How many followers do you have?280 ish
86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Lol no
87: Do your socks always match?I'm wearing one sock with cats and one black sock. Does that answer that well enough for you? Lol
88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?I think so I don't remember 
89: What are your birthstones?Topaz
90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?My friend used to say I'm part cat. Maybe fox cause they're basically half cat half dog. 
91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?Orchid
92: A store you hate?Torrid cause I spend way too much shopping there I can't walk in without buying something 
93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?0
94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?Fly
95: Do you like to wear camo?No
96: Winter or summer?Winter
97: How long can you hold your breath for??
98: Least favorite person?This nightmarish girl who was homeschooled and was like a fundie Christian Mormon afraid of doctors and lesbians and gum and Twinkies (im literally not exaggerating) and was just loud and obnoxious and annoying in high school. 
99: Someone you look up to:Not sure. 
100: A store you love?Torrid
101: Favorite type of shoesOxfords
102: Where do you live?Utah
103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?No
104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?Amethyst. Also there's this green stone I have somewhere in my house I got from a roadside shop in Zion it's so pretty it's like quartz looking. I can't remember what it was. But it's pretty 
105: Do you drink milk?Not really
106: Do you like bugs?Not particularly 
107: Do you like spiders?^^^^
108: Something you get paranoid about?People hating me/being bothered by me
109: Can you draw:No
110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?Got an anon once I deleted asking my favorite things to do when I'm having sex. That was probably it that wasn't called for. 
111: A question you hate being asked?"Are you working or in school right now?"
112: Ever been bitten by a spider?Maybe. Woken up with lots of bug bites in my day, most all of them mosquitoes but some not
113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?Yeah
114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?Cloudy
115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:Idk
116: Favorite cloud type:? I just like clouds
117: What color do you wish the sky was?Idk I'm fine with it being blue but I like purple sunsets
118: Do you have freckles?No :(
119: Favorite thing about a person:Eyes or the sort of things they find funny
120: Fruits or vegetables?Fruits
121: Something you want to do right now:See my damn cat
122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?Yes
123: Sweet or sour foods?Spicy
124: Bright or dim lights?Depends 
125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?No
126: Something you hate about Tumblr:People
127: Something you love about Tumblr:People
128: What do you think about the least?? If I thought about it then it wouldn't be thought of least
129: What would you want written on your tombstone?Not sure. I'm tempted to go with something morbid like memento mori just to be a little shit forever
130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?Idk
131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?My boobs
132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?I try not to. But I end up looking angry
133: Computer or TV?Both
134: Do you like roller coasters?Yeah
135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?Yes
136: Are your ears lobed or attached?Lobed
137: Do you believe in karma?No
138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?5
139: What nicknames do you have/have had?I have one friend who used to call me Hanukkah, then brosef calls me hanners 
140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?No
141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?Lol yes
142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?Idk I try to be a good influence but some people's parents have said I'm bad .... so idk
143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?Both!
144: What makes you angryIdk just bullshit lol
145: How many languages do you speak fluently?1
146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?Boys
147: Are you androgynous?Nope
148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:Eyes or lips
149: Favorite thing about your personality:Idk I'm friendly
150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.My best friend, my girl best friend, and ?? My sister maybe
151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?I can't choooooose
152: Do you like BuzzFeed?For dumb little shit like dog stuff or "boys try this" yeah I think it's fun but if you think it's actually journalism you're sorely mistaken
153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]
154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?No. cheeks yes. 
155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?Yes
156: What embarrasses you?Lots of things. 
157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:Talking to people. 
158: Biggest lie you have ever told:Idk
159: How many people are you following?700 ish
160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?Idk
161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)??
162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?Idk
163: Last time you cried and why:Idk
164: Do you have long or short hair?It's medium but I wants it to be long again I miss it being long even if it's a lot of work
165: Longest your hair has ever been:past my chest
166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?I say if something helps people and doesn't harm others in their lives let them. 
167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?Not that much TBH
168: Do you like to wear makeup?Yes
169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?Never tried but probably not

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

bangs pots and pans together loudly FIC UPDATE COME GET YALL SOME JUICE

Apparently the vital, missing component to enjoying school was having a friend there. Go figure.

He and Kevin only have that first period class together, but they make the most of it, passing notes back and forth between the two of them, the teacher too tired that early in the morning to notice, or care. Lunch isn’t depressing anymore. They sit together under the shade tree, and Kevin does seem to also appreciate the view. “Can you even imagine working up a sweat, on purpose?” Betelgeuse pats his gut. “You know I can’t.”

“I can’t believe how little the track shorts are. That’s obscene. You think I’d look good in them?” “You join track and I’ll come to every meet, an’ it won’t be for th’ love of th’ sport.” He doesn’t think normal friends talk to each other like this, but he doesn’t actually know. Does everyone flirt with their friends? Are friends just cool people you wanna fuck but haven’t yet? Is it demon hormone bullshit, making him read into everything? Unclear.

It’s all going so good, until it isn’t, suddenly.

One lunch, two months into being there, Kevin pulls a huge and impressive old book from his backpack. “Look what I goooot,” he sing songs, waving it in Betelgeuse’s face, and he sneezes in response. “Smells old.” Emily and Lydia would love it. “It is. It’s very old,” Kevin confirms, and he moves so he’s sitting next to Betelgeuse, shoulder to shoulder, both their backs to the shade tree. “It’s about demons.”

Betelgeuse loses interest immediately, and focuses on not going pink at their shoulders touching, instead. “Z’at so?” he grunts. Kevin doesn’t seem to pick up on his moodiness, though. “It talks about all these ancient beings,” he explains, flipping pages. “Their summoning circles, their aspects,” he gives Betelgeuse a nudge at that, “all the things they can do for you, and the boons they grant.” He feels uncomfortable. “What’s with this? You obsessed with me, or somethin’?” He tries to play it as a joke, but that glint in Kevin’s eyes is back, and he doesn’t like it. “Of course, who wouldn’t be obsessed if they learned all this shit is actually true? It’s like there’s a whole secret world behind a locked door, and I’ve got the key.” Kevin looks back up at him.

He gets the feeling he’s the key. It’s not a good feeling.

“Where’d you even get this fuckin’ thing?” he lifts a finger, and the book slams closed in Kevin’s lap. His friend huffs. “Internet, of course.” “No, I mean… why were you lookin’ for somethin’ like this?” “I want to learn more. Don’t you?” Kev presses, and reopens the book. “I mean, what if there’s something amazing you can do, and you just don’t know, cause you’re not bothering to try?”

“So I’ll never know, so what?” Betelgeuse feels like this is a losing argument, but he tries anyways. “What’s so great about bein’ weird? You’re lucky you’re human.” “Dude, don’t even start with that. You can fly.” “So can humans,” he points out. “Wh- A plane and fucking levitating for fun are not the same, and you know it, BeetleJerk.” Kevin honestly can’t understand why he’s not excited over this. “I just mean… I’d rather be human, than this.” He blinks at his own words, because he’s never expressed that out loud before, ever. But it doesn’t feel untrue. “You’re out of your mind, more so than usual. Every human alive wants to feel special, and do the stuff you can do. Why are you acting like it’s so miserable all of a sudden? You use your powers all the time, I’ve seen you literally teleport five feet because you’re too lazy to walk.”

“You don’t get it.” He’s feeling sullen now, and he wiggles a little away from Kevin, and crosses his arms. “BJ, come on-” Betelgeuse teleports away to under the bleachers, and he eats his lunch there, until the bell rings.

He’s waiting for Emily after school, not feeling particularly friendly, when Kevin approaches. They stand there awkwardly. It feels tense, and weird, and he waits to see what the breather does. “Don’t be mad,” Kevin says, finally. “M’not mad.” “You sound mad.” “You know what mad on me looks like,” he finally turns to look at his friend, amber eyes burning with irritation. “First hand.”

Kevin looks down, and kicks at a rock that might not actually be there. “I thought you’d be excited. BJ, come on, I don’t wanna.. Not be friends over this.”

Betelgeuse signs, and scratches at the scruff on his chin. “It’s not like that,” he relents after a moment. “I just, I don’t care about that stuff. An’ I don’t wanna sit around, focusin’ on it. I don’t exactly like feelin’ different. Yeah, I do tricks an’ use my magic an’ stuff, but it’s hard to control. I lose my temper once an’ I could seriously destroy somethin’, or hurt my family. It doesn’t exactly feel good, knowin’ that. No one else my age can stand me, cause they can tell I’m weird. Before you, it was fuckin’ lonely, Kev.”

He feels a familiar pressure, because Kevin has taken his hand, and the human gives it a squeeze. He accepts it, melting a little against the other boy. “Still friends?” Kevin asks, and Betelgeuse purrs in response, resting his head on Kevin’s shoulder.

It’s not till later, at home, that he realizes Kevin never actually apologized.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

It’s like that, for a while. He knows Kevin still has the book. He knows he’s reading it, and sometimes Kevin will bring up demon stuff, but Betelgeuse has almost exactly a minute and a half of patience for answering questions or hearing about it. Still, Kev doesn’t stop. He might feel angrier if the breather wasn’t so god damn cute.

The air is starting to go cold, and leaves are beginning to fall. October is settling in, getting comfortable, and mom’s starting to break out the Halloween décor. It’s the middle of a kind of gloomy, Autumn day, when things get weird.

Kevin has the book open, much to Betelgeuse’s annoyance, and he’s blabbing away about a demon that supposedly grants wealth- “Do you think you could do that?” -when Betelgeuse looks down at the book, and sees Juno looking back at him. It’s not really her, it’s an illustration, but he’d recognize the bitch anywhere. She’s ink, glaring up from the page, those same age lines etched into her face, confirming his private theory that she’d been an old hag even when she was young. The slit neck is prominent, and as he stares, he sees smoke billow out of it. Oh, fuck no.

He grabs the book and slams it shut, startling Kevin, and then he teleports it directly under them, a mile down in the rock of the earth. Kev blinks for a moment, confused, before looking at his friend. “Wh.. Dude, WHAT?”

“Possessed book,” he croaks out, feeling tense, because he can smell cigarette smoke. “And you’re afraid of it? Why? You are also a literal fucking demon!” “That’s why I’m not messin’ with it!” Betelgeuse stands up, uneasy. The ground around the tree feels weird, now. He doesn’t like it here anymore. “Cause I actually understand why it’s a bad fuckin’ idea! God, you should have instincts that tell you not to mess with this stuff! You’re deficient, Kev, seriously.”

“Me deficient? Seriously?” Kev snaps, which hurts in a new, unexpected way. “Whatever, asshole. Give me my book back.” Kevin stands up, too, but he’s not uneasy, he’s angry.

“It’s better off where it is.”

“Which is where?”

Betelgeuse glances down. The grass around the tree is starting to wither. Kevin follows his gaze, but doesn’t seem to notice the dying vegetation. “You buried it? Come on!”

“Leave it, Kev.”

“This isn’t just your cool secret, anymore, it’s mine too!” Kevin glares at him. “You can’t keep me out of it, BJ. That’s not fair. God, at this point, I know more than you! You should be listening to me!”

He feels his volatile temper flare.

“Ex-fuckin’-scuze me?”

He waits for Kevin to take it back. Instead, his friend doubles down. “Demons have to listen to humans,” Kevin crosses his arms. “If they’re summoned. It’s in the book.” “Nobody summoned me,” Betelgeuse snarls, letting his real snake eyes show, an intimidation tactic that works for about half a second. Kevin’s too used to him, at this point. “I’m up here on a deal.” “Bet I could do it. I bet I could summon you. Then you’d have to listen to me.” “Yeah? Well, good luck without your stupid book!” He storms off, leaving Kevin standing there.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

The rest of the day sucks. He’s moody all day, annoyed in the car, grumpy in his room. He cranks metal and wishes he’d learned to play a guitar instead of his rinky, happy sounding ukulele. The instrument isn’t going to produce the noise he wants to express himself, right now. He throws it across the room, into a wall, where it smashes, and reforms a minute later, because… it’s still his favorite, after all. Even if it’s no good for expressing his teenage angst.

He can hear shuffling, and talking, outside his room, though he can’t make out what’s being said over the music. After a moment, though, there’s a knock at his door. “Hey, Bug?” Emily calls. “Can you come give me a hand with something?” He wants to tell her to piss off, go away, to leave him the hell alone, but.. It’s Emily. The CD player lets out a strangled choke and suddenly stops, and the door swings open, all without him moving from his flopped position on the bed. “Sup, ma?” he grunts. Emily peaks her head into the room, and smiles when she sees him, the expression radiating warmth and adoration and.. Oh, God/Satan, bless his sunbeam of a mother. “Just wondering if you’re free to do a little decorating?” She reaches behind her and grabs a fake severed bloody limb from the box he assumes she’s dragged into the hallway from the attic. “Don’t you worry it takes away from the “wow factor” to do Halloween twice a year?” He asks, standing and stretching, before apparating in the hallway behind her, and giving the decor box a nudge with his boot. “What? No way, there’s never enough Halloween!” Emily grins. “Get that, please.” The box floats along behind him as they head downstairs. They pause in the entryway, as Emily thinks out loud. “So, maybe the kitchen should be-” “Functional as a kitchen, please,” Charles calls from the living room. Emily rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine! Spoilsport! We’ll focus on the entryway for now,” she decides. “You wanna put up cobwebs in the rafters?” She gets on tiptoes to reach into the floating box, and he lowers it a bit for her, as she grabs the fake webbing. “I could just instantly decorate the whole room,” He takes to floating next to the box. “Could make sure it’s all normal human stuff, too,” He adds, before she can respond. “I know you can… But I like decorating,” Emily says brightly. “It’s not about getting it done quickly. It’s about, you know, doing it together.” “So why are dad and Lydia slacking?” Her smile doesn’t falter, but becomes softer. “It kinda felt like you needed some mom time, today,” She says simply. God, she can read him easier than Kev can read his stupid book. “We got in a fight,” he admits. She hums at that, because he only has one friend. It’s not hard to guess who he could possibly mean. “I’m sorry, Bug. What over?” He hesitates. So far he’s not let any of his family in on this book business. He’s been sort of hoping it could just go away on it’s own, and not be a thing. Kevin’s made it into a thing, though, and not telling even his mom feels… bad.

“He’s really into demons. Like, really, really into em,” He rasps, floating up and beginning to put up the spiderwebs, as his mother takes down the usual, sort of spooky wall hangings and trades them for her very intentionally spooky Halloween ones. “He’s got this book, an’ it’s all about demons an’ like, how to summon them, an’ their powers, an’ stuff… Sometimes th’ way he talks, it’s like.. Are we friends cause we’re friends, or friends cause you think I’m gonna be... useful?”

Maybe that doesn't make any sense, but that’s how it’s been feeling, like there’s an invisible shoe hanging midair, and it’s about to drop. His mother waits until he’s finished before looking up at him. “And you fought over that?” She prods. “Not exactly.” How the fuck can she even tell that, though? Damn her mom powers. He really, really didn’t want to talk about this, not to her, but… “I saw Juno. In th’ book,'' He lowers back down to the floor, and digs through the box, pulling out fake body parts. Back up he goes, to stick these in the fake webbing. “It was just a drawing of her, but it started like.. Billowing smoke-”

“From the neck,” His mother remembers, suppressing a shudder.

“Yeah. I could smell the smoke. So I got rid of the book, buried it in th’ school yard, but Kev got all pissy about it. He thinks he’s an expert on this shit, an’ he’s gonna mess with somethin’ big if he keeps this up.” “I’m sure you’ve told him that.” “He doesn’t listen. He gets this look in his eye, like it’s a game, or like… I dunno. Feels sometimes like he thinks he’s…” He searches for the words. “Like he thinks he oughta be the boss a’me, or somethin’.”

He rubs absentmindedly at the moss on his nose. It clings, stubborn as ever, same with the patches by his hairline, and he’s found it’s easier to just add another little layer to his glamour than try to do anything about it.

Maybe that’s indicative of a bigger problem. It’s easier to do a bit of magic and make everything look better than to actually fix the underlying problem. Ugh, introspection, how absolutely miserable. He wants to keep thoughts like that locked away tight, but they have a habit of slipping past his mental defenses and making him feel worse. Absolutely no one can make him feel shittier than he himself can. He sinks to the ground, going purple, and he’s instantly wrapped in his mother’s arms. “It’s okay, Beetlejuice,” Emily has both her hands on the back of his head, and he pushes his face into the crook of her neck. “I just.. I’ve only got the one friend,” he groans. “I don’t wanna stop bein’ his friend, but.. Fuck, ma.”

“I know.” Her voice is a soothing balm. She works her hands through the mess of purple hair at the back of his head. “I know, sweetheart. I know it’s lonely at school, but school isn’t forever,” she tries to assure him. “If your friend is treating you this way, well.. He’s not a very good friend. Do you want to be around someone who makes you feel this bad? Does it feel worth it, to you?”

He knows the correct answer is, “No,” but he’s not sure if his self esteem is high enough for that.

“I like him a lot,” He grumbles, and she hums again. “He’s handsome,” She says, and then pulls back far enough to pinch his nose. “But not as handsome as my son, of course,” and it’s silly enough to help knock away his mood, so that’s something, at least. “What should I do?” He doesn’t pull away from her, just soaks up the mom energy for as long as he can. “I think you need to have a talk,” Emily tells him. “Lay out how you’re feeling. Try to get his side of things, and make sure he hears your side, too. Then, at least you both tried, you know?”

It’s such a mom type answer. He groans again.

“I was worried you’d say some shit like that.” She fuzzes his hair, and he feels the tingle in his scalp that means it’s changed colors. Back to green, he assumes. “You know your moss changes color along with your hair? And your creepo-stache?” “Leave the stache alone, it’s tryin’ it’s best,” He pretends to be defensive.

“It makes you look like the founder of a forum for people who marry their cars,” Lydia offers, from the bottom step of the staircase, where she has apparently been just chilling and listening.

“Wh-! Mom, it’s not that bad, right?” Emily tilts her head to the side and gives what can only be described as a condescending smile. “Oh, you’re both in for it now.” He brings the various decor items to life to terrorize them, and then Charles joins his side, sympathizing with his son vis-à-vis bad teenage facial hair, and by the time the whole squabble is over, hardly any decorating has gotten done… But he does feel better. His family’s good like that.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Monday rolls around, same as it always does, but there’s a weird feeling in the air. Halloween is a week away, barely missing getting a weekend date, but there’s some big Halloween bash the school is apparently throwing. There’s fliers for it everywhere, plastered all over lockers and bulletin boards. He’s not much of a participator, though, and his reaction to his locker being plastered over with invites to a party he doesn't care about is to snap his fingers. All the fliers on all the lockers up and down the hall, all instantly fall loose at once, littering the floor. A few students jump back, but no one looks his way, because why would they?

He’s grabbing his history textbook when he feels a tap on the shoulder, and when he turns, it’s a girl he recognizes, but her name is absolutely lost on him.

“You’re BJ, right?” Miffy askes, and he nods. “Yeah, s’right,” and Margo seems to wince at how gruff his voice is, before continuing. “Um, you and that guy Kevin, you’re like…” Milicent trails off, waiting for him to finish her thought, but sorry, baby, he can barely finish his own. “Like…?” He says, with his gravel voice copying her tone and inflection, and she huffs. “Together?” Marge asks, “Like, all of the time?”

He cocks his head, and squints at her, hands t-rexing at his sides, as Lydia likes to say.\

“Usually,” He concedes, and he gets the feeling he’s dragging this out much, much more than Mango clearly wants, because he spies a group of girls a little ways off, waiting for her. One of them is staring intently, more focused on him, but he pushes that thought aside.

“Look, okay, he’s gonna be out for a few days, and I’m just trying to see if you can take him his homework,” McGrubber has grown tired of having to stand here, talking to the chubby goth loser, apparently. “I’m a student aid in the office and they’re trying to make me do it, but I have track practice!” Thaaaat’s where he knows her from. She looks different, not bouncing and sweating and also not half a football field away. “Sure, fine, I’ll make sure Kev gets his work. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on running in a fuckin’ circle, Maria.” Her face sours. “It’s Blair.” So close. “Who fuckin’ cares,” He replies, and turns back to his locker. He can hear her rejoin her friend group, all of them fawning over her harrowing experience of having to speak to him in public. The last thing he hears from Blair is, “He’s just so goddamn weird,” and then the group rounds the corner.

He closes his locker harder than he maybe needs to.

Kevin isn’t in class that day, or the next, or even the one after. The shade tree has withered and died completely, it’s color sapped and gone, and even walking near it makes him feel uneasy. His new lonely lunch spot is under the bleachers, which feels even more voyeuristic of a spot to watch the track team, but even that activity feels tainted, somehow. He’s back to being lonely.

He can’t stand being lonely.

It gets so bad he contemplates sitting, wait for it, on the bleachers, and maybe even trying to strike up a conversation, but he’s too chicken shit. He’s been going to school with these kids for the past three years, and no one’s wanted to talk to him or chat with him in all that time. He can’t imagine that’s about to change.

Still, on Thursday, miserable and lonely, he gives it a try.

Sitting up here sucks. It’s just a hard metal seat on a gloomy day, and when he’d ventured up and sat down, other people had slowly moved away from him, until he was sitting by himself, all the breathers huddled in a different area, away from him. He'd tried talking, but hardly had a "Hey, how ya doin'?" grated out before the migration began.

Figures.

He finishes eating and lies on his back, resting his hands on his chest, eyes closed, and after a while he feels someone standing over him, and something laid over his hands. He opens his eyes. There’s the most beautiful girl staring down at him. She’s got long, bleach blonde hair, darker at the roots, which is hanging down in a halo around her face, and the biggest, clearest blue eyes he’s ever seen. He glances down, to see she’s placed a daisy over his hand. He looks back up at her, amber eyes questioning.

“You looked so still,” She smiles. Her voice is like music. He thinks he can hear harps. “With your hands folded like that. Kind of like an open casket.” He’d been forgetting to breathe, apparently, which happens sometimes. She thought he looked like a corpse, and she placed a flower over him.

“Sorry, if that’s weird. You’re.. BJ?” She asks, and he picks up the daisy, sits up, and nods. “Yeah, you’re…” “Barbara,” she fills him in. “You’re not so good with names.” “Mmm. Buffy tell you that?” He recognizes her now, from that group of girls. Barbara sits next to him, which makes zero sense. “It’s Blair,” she corrects him gently, but not without a giggle in her voice. “Oh, right.” Her name could be fuckin’ Moonpie and it’d make the same amount of difference to him, but he’d agree with anything Barbara said, if it meant she kept sitting there, talking to him. “Are you going to the Halloween party?” She asks. “Supposed to be pretty killer. It kind of seems like your scene.” “I’m not exactly a social butterfly,” which is the understatement of the god damn century, honestly, but she laughs and nudges her shoulder with his. “Well, I think you should come. I bet you’d have the coolest costume. Maybe think about it?”

“I guess, maybe..” He says lamely, because his brain is short circuiting from that small touch.

“Barb, come on!” someone calls to her from a ways away, on the track. Lunch is nearly over. She stands, and smooths down the long skirt she’s wearing, which is modest but flattering. “Later, BJ,” she smiles, and just like that, she’s gone, like an angel going back up to heaven in a beam of light, off to rejoin her friends. He can hear what she says to them, though. “You guys are mean, he’s not so bad. Just shy.”

He keeps the daisy in a little glass of water on his dresser, and strums love songs on his ukulele.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Thinking about Barbara and her smile and the way she nudged him is a fun distraction, at least for a little while, but when it’s Saturday, and he still hasn’t heard from Kevin, he decides it’s time to demon up and see what the fuck is happening with him. He’s been just teleporting Kev’s homework inside his room, and he’s sure it’s falling into a pile on the floor each time and startling him, but no one ever said how he had to deliver it. Today though, emboldened by the pretty girl on the bleachers, he appears at Kevin’s front door instead, holding Friday’s work, and he knocks. It takes a moment, but Mr. Loh answers.

Betelgeuse hasn’t had much chance to interact with Kev’s dad. He looks like a normal, tired dad, wholly unimpressive, and kinda short. Chuck could wrestle this guy to the mat, no problem.

“Oh, BJ,” Mr. Loh says, and then glances at what’s in his hands. “Kevin’s homework? Thank you. He’s holed up in his room… won’t come out.. Maybe,” and he suddenly looks hopeful. “You two are friends. Maybe you can try talking to him?”

Well, that’s what he was there to do anyways, so sure. “I gotcha, Mr. L,” he nods, stepping inside, and heading up the stairs and down the hall to Kevin’s room. The closer he gets to the door, though, the weirder he feels. Something stinks, figuratively and literally. It smells like… It smells like the waiting room. It’s that same, veil is thin type air that he can smell on Halloween night, but how the fuck is he smelling it here? He bangs on Kevin’s door. “Hey, Kev, it’s the B-Man,” he calls, trying to keep his tone playful, but he feels like he’s doing a poor job. What the hell is going on? “Come on, man, open up!” He tries again, when he receives no response. He thinks he can hear a shuffle behind the door. “Dude, I will bust this fuckin’ door down,” He growls, all the play gone from his tone. “You know I will. Better yet-”

He appears inside the bedroom, just in time for Kevin to slam shut the closet door. Kevin turns to look at him, back pressed to the wood. There’s a beat, both teens staring at each other, wide eyed, Betelgeuse in that weird way he does, and Kevin looking frazzled. “What,” the demon grates out, “the fuck, are you getting up to in here? It smells like the netherworld, Kev.” Unfortunately, that makes Kevin’s face light up. “It does? Oh my god, that’s perfect! It must be starting to work!” He crosses the bedroom, going to his desk, where an old book is sitting open. It’s not the same one he took from his friend, it can’t be, that book is still a mile down in presumably solid rock. “Another musty ass tome, great,” he growls, but Kevin ignores him, flipping through the book.

He hates feeling ignored.

A black and white striped arm sprouts from Kevin’s desk, and slams the book shut, which makes the breather turn and glare at him. “Get out of my room, BJ,” is all Kevin says, and Betelgeuse ignores that, instead crossing the floor to get a look at that book. “Where th’ hell do you keep finding these fuckin’ things?”

“This one I bought from a one armed man living out of a 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale,” Kevin recites. Betelgeuse squints at him, top teeth over bottom lip. “You’re too gay to know what that means,” he says, plainly, and Kevin shrugs. “He wouldn’t stop talking about his stupid car. I now know more about that antique than I know about geography.” It feels fun, for a second, like this drama isn’t happening, and they’re just having a conversation. It doesn’t last, though. He can’t let Kev off the hook.

“So you bought a second cursed book, this time from some amputee homeless guy, and you’re just, doing the rituals inside of it? And this seems like a super good idea to you?”

“I’m practicing,” Kevin replies.

“So what’s in the closet, Kevin?”

“Get out of my room, Betelgeuse.”

The way Kevin says his name is weird. It doesn’t feel like how it normally feels when a breather says the full thing. He shakes it off, and gives his friend a defiant look, before waving a hand and throwing open the closet door. There’s a cleared spot, in the middle of the closet floor, and a fucking summoning circle in what smells like, “Pig’s blood? Couldn’t get human?” He turns to look at Kevin, who is glaring at him intently. He matches the look.

“Betelgeuse Shoggoth, get out of my room.”

That gets his attention. It feels like an invisible hand is pushing him, and he stumbles back out of the room, confused. “W-what?” Kevin is just standing there, staring at him, and Betelgeuse stares back, eyes wild. “You motherfucker,” he hisses, eyes in snake slits, teeth sharp, claws extended. “You wanna do that “real name” bullshit with me? That the choice you’re makin’ here, Kev?”

Kevin doesn’t even look phased. “I’m working on gaining a bit more control, but looks like that works, for now.”

“You’re cracked!” Betelgeuse growls, absolutely furious. “You’re really tryin’ to summon me? Are you out of your head!?”

“You’re wasting your powers,” Kevin storms forward. “You’re a supernatural being, and you go to school and play your stupid ukulele, and don’t even try to do anything bigger. You could be stepping on everyone under you,” his former friend is going red in the face. “You could be leading, you could be ruling, but you just jerk off in your room and play pretend at being human. But someone might as well profit, here. Why not me?”

“I thought.. I thought we were friends,” is all the demon can say, lamely, and Kevin’s smile is the meanest thing he’s ever seen on a breather. “Once you’re fully listening to me, we can be friends again. Betelgeuse Shoggoth, get out of my house.”

He feels that same invisible pull, and he thinks maybe if he was stronger he could resist it, but a demon’s true name is like a lead on a dog, meant to control them, and unfortunately, Kevin has a tight hand on his leash. He makes it to the front door, and stumbles out, covering his face until he can calm himself enough to reapply his glamour.

Shit, he thinks, straightening up, and staring up at Kevin’s bedroom window. He is so fucked. ``````````````````````````````````````````````` Posted this chapter and another over at Ao3. You can read it right here

[lucpix]

well! I’ve published this short story in the fan site column where I also work as a Graphics Manager! (I think they will not mind if I post here too!)

Betelgeuse-Bound

Playing the omnipotent creature was one of Lisa’s pastimes. Finding herself in an absolute period of inner hassles and boredom (her father was on the outside, adjusting the central satellite that will probably establish the final radio signals from the Betelgeuse supernova, saying something, like “We are coming, Gorillas!!!“), she still does not understand very well why has the separation of her parents made her intrinsically inclined to live with her father, instead of living with her mom, at Earth, Gibblon, 7243 Carpenter Street, playing with a bile-coloured hose and – most important of all – classmates whose intelligence were higher than 100 IQ, made of flesh and bones. Up to the present time, the holographic friends that her father had thoroughly designed for her (and obviously to fuel his own satisfaction of constructing things that know how to speak HELLO, HUMAN after pressing a green button located behind the nape of their necks) were not interesting enough. What kind of 11-year-old human from Earth would spend so many hours openly arguing about hybrid genres (with occasional advertisements while they stop to breathe)?

– I…simply… pff… I do not understand… the scientific explanation … pff… that implies the existence of… pffbinary genres …

– Why do not we play Uno while this meteor shower goes on?

– (ACTIVAR MODO ESPAÑOL” BEEP!) Uno sería considerado… pff… el género masculino mientras que… pff… Zero sería, obviamente, representado por la mujer y…

– Let’s start over, Ashley. My name is Lisa and I have administrator rights to set you up so that you are one of my closest friends. What do you usually play?

– SPECIAL OFFERS FOR THE FIRST 15 PEOPLE CONNECTING TO FLOWER-PLAY, THE BEST DISTRIBUTOR OF HANDMADE WOOD VASES FROM THE SECOND HALF OF MILKY WAY. YELLOW, RED OR BLUE. IT IS NECESSARY TO ADDRESS BOLT SIGNALS TO 2@5 CL…

-Switch off “Ashley-How-Do-You-Know-Me-So-Well? Hologram”, please…

Another failed attempt at communication. When available to her, Lisa’s father often says that there is a combination of keywords that would make a human-hologram conversation much more natural and interesting, but finding such words would only be possible if he opened the circuit boards and read the manual that he accidentally forgot in there… and he is too busy saving the galaxy – one more time!

Now, even if for a single moment, it’s just the two of them – Lisa and that tiny blue sparkle – far beyond the strong window made out of neotempered glass. She fairly thinks it’s Earth, but it’s hard to tell as the universe is so… reddish, for some reason! Is it an illusion?

Situations like these make our Lisa think a lot, in a way she has never done before, as if a tragic clown had appeared in her pink room inside the N00DLE-ship and put on her nose a bag of helium gas (and only God knows what else) and made her get those sudden but pleasant daydreams… Perhaps it is just those space pills that ridiculously try to copy the turkey seasonings that her grandmother used to prepare, which her intestine refuses to accept fully…

Looking at the Earth from such a distance makes me reflect on many things I had never thought of before, on the extreme lines of our complete insignificance (but, thinking well, Daddy said that no living being is insignificant …) and how human intelligence has so far compensated for our relatively small size and made it possible for us to rearrange the full extent of that green and blue ball in a way that we could do a multitude of things, such as time traveling, matter generating and… spaceships, as the one I’m in, which makes me see Earth at such a long distance … so that its entire extension gains the inviting and funny shape of a single house… no, an anthill… so fragile that for a moment it is as if it could be completely malleable by my own hands, right now – heh!

Opening her eyes, Lisa was startled to realise that in some way she did not know, she was cutting through the immensity of outer space, floating alone in the purest pitch, unless you considered the spot of terrestrial light now located much closer than before. Ignoring the logic and the fact that she was breathing oxygen despite only wearing her lemon-coloured dress, she floated forward, as if she could reach the surface of the blue planet only a few seconds ahead… and that was what happened!

Perhaps because of lack of time or a moment of neglect, her father had NEVER mentioned to her about the fact that, thanks to the theory of relativity, humans grow in size to a degree of kilometers as they progress toward interstellar treks, and… now… thanks to a simple stumbling on the satellite that was exhibiting cartoons entertaining thousands of Japanese children (the Sun is shining on the far east side), the whole of Tokyo has been destroyed by her knees

Desperate, Lisa quickly unscrews her leg from a place where people would probably be drawing thousands of manga, traveling by train with those announcers saying “Mamonaku”, and cycling on those so-clear streets. She feels a heat in the bones that makes her laugh a little. Is it because of the volcanoes?

She watches a few fragments of matter flying through space and finds that the flock of objects (like ants) are the Japanese themselves, and then has the idea of closing in to examine the victims one by one in order to apologise them for destroy their homes. She calculates that Tokyo had about 5 million people, so she programs her cell phone (even though she does not remember having taken it from her backpack) to reproduce a female voice sounding “I did not mean it!” nine million times at full speed.

-I did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not meI did not me […]

The heat of the sun, now so close to her “little head”, made crazy ideas grow inside her. As if to justify the act, Lisa closes her eyes as she puts her fingers in the oceanic regions of the Earth, where there were certainly far fewer humans than on land, and begins to shake the planet, slowly, as not to hurt anyone in it of that nitrogen layer. Her attempt to be gentle failed miserably, and suddenly a scary mass of humans began to be tossed out of orbit. This makes her increase the number of loopings to her voice audio file to: three billion times!!

– I DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID NI DID N […]

Knowing that now the Earth is completely uninhabited and the turmoil made its whole surface washed with the drops of its own ocean, Lisa feels a little hungry, mainly because both her body and her stomach began to grow a little more, so that the planet was the exact size of a lemon bonbon. Without thinking twice or feeling the slightest remorse, she puts all the contents of the spherical matter in her mouth, and for a moment she thinks she is eating some sort of food that had all the flavours of the world on it. And, in a way, that was exactly it. Paradoxically, the warm occasionally becomes cold, the good turns into bad and the bitter sweetened after two bites. Indeed, it resembled a little the roast chicken she ate last week.

After swallowing, she thinks about all the seeds, plants, and microorganisms of various species that were still to exist in the world and she thought she owed something to them. After an improvised calculation, she increases the number of repeats in the playback of her audio file to three hundred billion and buys the premium version of the application for a higher playback speed.

-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII […]

Bored, Lisa decides to reach Venus, which is not far from where she is. But her body did not move anymore. It is kind of stuck in something; upon examining her back, she sees that the Moon still is connected to Earth (now, next to Lisa’s liver) and its gravitational power prevents the girl from advancing into the “air”. It is the most terrifying thing in the world, indeed, it feels like a nightmare. She imitates in vain swimming movements on the pitch black without oxygen to see if she is able to move a few miles, but has no success. She also feels something growing inside her, a very funny inner heat but also quite painful, like the result of a failed Tumo meditation training (as matter of fact, the only thing she remembered before she died of apnea was the wonderful flashes of volcanic lava coming from her ears and a pink spaceship flinging laser beams that tickled her belly but did not make them laugh!)…

“Wake up, baby, it’s time to start your training!”

And it was really a nightmare. Even motionless… Lisa can feel that her dress was drenched with sweat (which now floats in the gravitational field) and her breathing seems very agitated. It is not the first time that such a situation happens, but it is precisely in these moments that she feels entirely comfortable hearing the monotonous noise of the internal engines. The universe looks now even more reddish, seen from the spaceship windows, but it probably is just an illusion caused by the light bulbs. She is ready for another day of survival training and turns to say good morning to her father, who at last seems to have given up his projects to devote his rare attention to his crazy daughter. But to her disbelief, instead, she sees a smiling gorilla with a “Welcome To Betelgeuse” sign. It would be one more of THOSE days…

[doom-ocean]

One of them blog surveys

Haven't done one of these in a while. Instead of having people ask me from a list of questions, I'm gonna do it old school and just answer all the questions listed. 1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I am fine with being 6 foot even 2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Do infinite wish granting genies count? 3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? plain ol jeans n tshirt 4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Star Ocean 2. 88 different fuckin endings! 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: not being sober, hating life, aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I dunno, food. 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? WARNING: MONSTROUS ASSHOLE 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? n/a 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]: Unsurprisingly, melancholic. 9: Are you ticklish? Yes. 10: Are you allergic to anything? Stupidity! lololololololol. But actually, kind of allergic to the tree fluff in the spring, and possibly sunlight. I get lil hives in the summer time. 11: What’s your sexuality? Het'roseksuel 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Neither 13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cats over dogs. 14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Vampire, I guess. 15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? No. 16: How tall are you? 6ft 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Farty McCrablice 18: How much do you weigh? been hovering in the 170s for a little while. Heaviest I've ever been. It's a big achievement for someone who has been disgustingly skinny his whol life. 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Tricky question. I'm like 90% sure I lived in a haunted house for a year, but haven't experienced much since then. 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Both are equally terrifying, but space is cooler than the ocean, for sure. 21: Are you religious? Not at all. 22: Pet peeves? lol just about everything. So fuckin sick of it all. 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal: Yes. 24: Favorite constellation? All are fine. Stars are neat to look at regardless of their formation from our perspective. 25: Favorite star? Betelgeuse. Only because every time I go outside at night I look up to see if it has exploded yet. 26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? uhhh... what? 27: Any phobias or fears? Drowning, falling, flying stinging insects. butterflies and moths. 28: Do you think global warming is real? It is, though I don't think it is as bad as hippies are trying to get us to believe. I grew up in a time where smoking indoors [including malls] was normal, so I know that a lot of smoke that can't leave combined with heat = more heat. On that note, China and India need to get their shit together. Carbon taxes are fucking stupid. 29: Do you believe in reincarnation? No, but it'd be cool to get another chance at life since I fucked this one up. 30: Favorite movie? None at the moment. Used to be Goonies. 31: Do you get scared easily? Not really. 32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime? 3 kitties. 33: Blog rate? n/a 34: What is a color that calms you? smoked cannabis green. 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Meh, the way the world is going, nowhere is worth visiting. 36: Where were you born? Canada. 37: What is your eye color? Blue. 38: Introvert or extrovert? intro. 39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Lol no. The position of the stars millions/billions of lightyears away ha no affect on a persons personality. 40: Hugs or kisses? I've gone many a year without either, and have grown accustomed to the lack of physical contact. The idea of either of those weirds me out, now. 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? My best friend. 42: Who is someone you love deeply? n/a 43: Any piercings you want? had both my ears and my dingdong pierced at one point. Not any more. 44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? 10 years ago. 45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? I smoked cigarettes for 13 years, switched to a vaporizer a year ago. 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! n/a 47: What is a sound you really hate? metal scraping on metal/stone/ceramic. Harley Davidson motorcycles. 48: A sound you really love? Fart sounds. I will never not laugh at them. 49: Can you do a backflip? No. 50: Can you do the splits? Lol no. 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? n/a 52: Favorite movie? already asked. 53: How are you feeling right now? Sober and gassy. 54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? The way it is. 55: When did you feel happiest? Happiness is incidental and temporary. 56: Something that calms you down? the tweeds. 57: Have any mental disorders? some form of depression. Not going to find out as therapists are by and large feminist and I'd rather not be told I'm depressed because of my masculinity. Could you imagine if a therapist told a gay dude he'd be happier if he stopped acting so gay? Yeah. 58: What does your URL mean? I like doom metal, and the ocean is a common theme within the genre. 59: What three words describe you the most? Unpleasant. 60: Do you believe in evolution? It's not a belief. 61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Generally overt dogmatic beliefs of both religious and non religious varieties. 62: What makes you follow a blog? Something that makes me laugh, or in the case of this site, someone who seems to be level headed. 63: Favorite kind of person: someone that is smart enough to stay away from me. 64: Favorite animal(s): Cats of all kinds except the hairless ones. 65: Name three of your favorite blogs. matt ruins your shit, SYABM, (insert your name here). 66: Favorite emoticon: n/a (although you can tell how old this is as it is called an emoticon and not an emoji) 67: Favorite meme: hate me all you want, but 'poo in loo' made me laugh like a hyena when I first encountered it. Also the " I Do not associate with..." one because the kid's accent made it funny. 68: What is your MBTI personality type? no idea, not gonna bother with it 69: What is your star sign? the ram 70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? n/a 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? I only rock jeans and a t shirt 72: Post a selfie or two? Easiest way to see what I look like is to go to your preferred search engine, go to the 'images' section and then type in "disgusting pile of shit" 73: Do you have platform shoes? I'm not short, nor am I a girl in the 70s or mid to late 90s. 74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I am left handed. 75: Can you do a front flip? no. 76: Do you like birds? I. fucking. hate. birds. 77: Do you like to swim? No. Whenever I would go swimming, I'd always come close to drowning. I don't swim anymore. 78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Skating probably, though I haven't done it since I was 12. 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Winter. 80: Some thing you wish did exist: Matter transporters or replicators. Star Trek style. 81: Piercings you have? lready asked. 82: Something you really enjoy doing: Not much these days. The last Aalbum I wrote was titled Anhedonia.... kinda says it all. 83: Favorite person to talk to: My one and only friend. 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? "Amateur porn that isn't terribly staged? Yes please! And then of course like a week after I join they got rid of all of it. Pff. Ams dildos. 85: How many followers do you have? one, I think. 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I don't run for anyone. 87: Do your socks always match? Yes. It bothers me immensely otherwise. 88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? I've never been able to do that. Need my hammies massaged and stretched. 89: What are your birthstones? Diamond I think. 90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? One that doesn't exist. 91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Either a crapweed or stenchblossom. 92: A store you hate? WalMart. I used to work there. 93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? I don't drink coffee. Smells nice, but tastes awful. 94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Read minds. 95: Do you like to wear camo? I am not a hick that listens to Five Finger Death Punch, so no. 96: Winter or summer? Summer always. Fuck winter. 97: How long can you hold your breath for? no idea. 98: Least favorite person? Most people, really. 99: Someone you look up to: people that are taller than me. Badumtsss. 100: A store you love? Guitar stores. 101: Favorite type of shoes: shoes that't don't wear out after 6 months. 102: Where do you live? Canada. 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? No. 104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Dunno.... emerald? 105: Do you drink milk? Occasionally. 106: Do you like bugs? Spiders and dragonflies are cool because they eat the shittier bugs, but generally, no. 107: Do you like spiders? See above. 108: Something you get paranoid about? People talking shit about me. Getting fired. Any time a boss type calls to me I get scared thinking I'm gonna get fired for being a piece of shit. 109: Can you draw: Sometimes I draw something awesome, but mostly I draw very poorly. 110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? "Are you single?" 111: A question you hate being asked? "Why don't you want a girlfriend?" 112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I know of. 113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Dunno. I've been at a lake with a sandy beach, but lakes don't really have waves like oceans do. I've never been to the ocean before. 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Either or. As long as it's not snowing. 115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I'd like to give Christina Aguilera the ol in out, still. 116: Favorite cloud type: The big'ns. Cumulonimbus or whatever it is. 117: What color do you wish the sky was? Clear. Seeing the stars 24 hours a day would be sweet. 118: Do you have freckles? no. 119: Favorite thing about a person: rather non specific quesiton. I like a feminine figure. 120: Fruits or vegetables? Either or. 121: Something you want to do right now: Get hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? probably the sky. 123: Sweet or sour foods? sweet. Sour gives me heartburn these days :( 124: Bright or dim lights? in between 125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? No. 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: The same thing everyone else hates lol. Feminists and SJWs 127: Something you love about Tumblr: USED TO BE THE PORN. Pff 128: What do you think about the least? most things. 129: What would you want written on your tombstone? I don't intend to be buried. 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Many people.Bullies I had in school, former friends, etc. 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? Being left handed. You have no fucking idea how much it sucks to play guitar as a lefty. Eithe guitars are cheap pieces of shit, or mad pricey 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No. I hate being picturelated 133: Computer or TV? Comp. 134: Do you like roller coasters? No. 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Never been on the sea. 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? My ears have lobes and are attached to my head. 137: Do you believe in karma? No. 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? Cleaned up and on a good day from the right angle I could probably pass for a soft 5. 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Fag was one of them. 140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? No. 141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? No. 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? I'm not sure, but with the way things have gone for me probably bad. 143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Meh. 144: What makes you angry. Most things. I am easily annoyed. 145: How many languages do you speak fluently? English. 146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? there are only males and females. 147: Are you androgynous? No. 148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: Occasionally i'm like "Snap I got a big one" but then reality kicks in. 149: Favorite thing about your personality: it keeps people away from me. 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. I only know one person that isn't family. 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? I'd go back to being 18 and do it all over again, hopefully with fewer mistakes. 152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Lol no. 153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] n/a 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? No. I'm not keen on physical contact. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? No. Gross. 156: What embarrasses you? Being alive. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Being alive. 158: Biggest lie you have ever told: "I'm good" when asked "how are you?" 159: How many people are you following? like 6. 160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? more than one. 161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? none. 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? none? 163: Last time you cried and why: My first cat had to be put down because of intestinal cancer. 164: Do you have long or short hair? Short. 165: Longest your hair has ever been: Past my shoulders. 166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religeon? While you could say that the big bang, and the idea of an all powerful being being equally ridiculous, the fact that one involves magic is what makes me stay away from it. So roughly 2000 years ago magic existed and people lived up to and well over 200 years old? Nah. 167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. It'd be a cool thing to know, but aside from that I don't think it has much to do with anything going on in our lives, or any future person's life. 168: Do you like to wear makeup? I do not. I didn't even like kissing girlfriends when they had lipstick on. I didn't like the feeling of shumutz on my lips. Also the waxy taste was weird. 169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Back when I was a wee one I could do both.... while leaned up against a wall. 170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes. OR DID I?

[siliquasquama]

Legend of the Red barracuda, Verse 5: The Road to Washerville

The wind blows hot on Gilese Five EightyahhhhhI mean Barracuda.

So of course we're driving with the windows down, on our way to the massive scrap-pile of a city in the distance, on a road that winds up the side of a wide canyon. The canyon is full of junk and scrap, the wind is full of sand and dirt, and there's a woman in the back seat who's practically vibrating.

"So," I say without turning around, "Why were you the only one waiting for us back there? Wouldn't they have sent out a military escort or something?"

The woman puts away her walkie-talkie. "Before I informed my friends of your coming, I was the only one who knew you were here. I'm the only one who watches the skies for the return of the Barracudas. Nobody else believed they would come back. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be talking in here. This is a holy relic of my people."

"What did you say your name was again?"

"Klunk 134."

"And this thing is a holy relic? It's only 70 years old."

"I don't know," says Ramon, "If you make it and then it runs away from your planet and becomes enshrouded in legend and myth, you can make something holy in a few years. That's what happened to Le Baron, right? Hell, maybe it will happen to us."

"We're more likely to become historical demons," I say. "The student loan company controls the news media."

"But they don't control rumor!" says Ramon.

"Rumor can go either way."

"The Barracudas are holy relics of my people," says Klunk, "because we poured our hearts and souls into their reconstruction. We gave them life. We gave them power. They belong to us."

"Hey, now hold on a second," says Ramon, "the car belongs to me. I bought it. With money."

"Yeah," I said, "a whole two dollars."

"Two dollars?" says Aristede. "This thing is worth five billion Galactos! How did you manage to pay for it with an outdated earthling currency?"

Ramon smiles. "I had enough luck to get the car. I've had enough luck to survive this long. Oh, and Robin helped a bit."

"A bit? I saved you from a falling pile of rocks, bailed you out when the Barracuda needed repairs, got in your way when you wanted to fight that guy with the red sunglasses at Kepler's Burger Bar, navigated for you..."

"All in a car that doesn't belong to you," says Klunk.

Ramon turns to the backseat. "I paid for it! What, do I have to engage in some kind of robot fight to the death to prove that this car is mine? Am I going to find myself sitting in the center of some arena while a bunch of mechanics give me the thumbs down? How do I convince you that this car belongs to me?"

"You could start by keeping your eyes on the road," says Klunk.

Ramon turned back to the road just in time to avoid hitting a Willys Jeep that had been heading towards us. The Jeep passed in a roar, but as I could see in the side mirror, it spun around and began to follow -- not to overtake, but it kept pace behind us.

"That thing is from earth's Second World War," said Ramon, "right? I thought they didn't exist anymore."

"Neither does this car," I said. "But look where we're sitting."

"My people specialize in finding and restoring the famous cars of old," said Klunk. "Look there." She pointed out the left side window, where a Dodge Charger was coming up beside us. "There aren't many of those left. And look there." She pointed out the right side window, towards a Volkwagen Beetle. "Mexico was the last place to get one of those, save for here."

"It occurs to me that we are being boxed in," says Ramon.

"Escorted," says Klunk. "Safely. They wouldn't want to damage the car, after all. This is an honor guard."

"I feel so honored," says Ramon.

"For the car. The driver, well, I guess you're important. But I'm more important because I know how to fix this thing."

"But I'm important because I know how to drive this thing," says Ramon. "And you know what? Maybe I don't feel like proving myself to a bunch of jerks who don't recognize a valid financial transaction. Buckle your seatbelt."

I keep my seatbelt buckled when I'm driving with Ramon because there's always the possibility he's going to need to make a quick getaway. Klunk has her seatbelt buckled because, as she told me, that's treating a car with respect. Ramon has his seatbelt buckled because he told me he saw a guy get a steering column driven through his chest once. Aristede does NOT have his seatbelt buckled because, oh I don't know, maybe spoiled rich people don't care about their lives? In any case, when Ramon hits the gas he hasn't given Aristede any time to buckle his seatbelt, and that becomes a problem as the ride gets bumpy. It isn't exactly a smooth road. It doesn't help when Ramon has to swerve to avoid the VW bug that's now trying to cut us off. Nor does it help matters when serving to the left means that we fall off the side of the narrow road back into the canyon.

Ramon flips the big lever above his head and the afterburners kick into gear, so we glide down the side of the canyon instead of tumbling into pieces. But burning in atmo, to any degree, is not good for the engine and I wonder if we're going to burn out before getting back up to the road and tumble into the side of a junk pile anyway. Then again, I've known Ramon for long enough, and instead of trying to struggle his way back up he turns the car left and down, coasting us to the bottom of the canyon. When we hit the bottom he flips another lever and the rear engine opens up, shooting us forward. He slaloms us between junk piles as Aristede, only now managing to crawl back into his seat, is tossed this way and that. It's as much of a problem for Klunk as for him, because Klunk is smaller and shorter than he is. I grab Aristede by the collar and drag him to the front so he can sit on my lap.

We meet the other side of the canyon and Ramon drives us straight up it, all the way up the side, and past the edge, and we're rocketing into the sky. We rise high and higher as Ramon tilts us back and back, until we're flying upside down, and then suddenly we're heading straight down towards the same road we left. I fully expect to crash nose-first, but Ramon lands us gently in the midst of the stopped escort.

The car settles back onto its wheels.

The hood pops up and the car makes an unhappy noise. I can smell burned plastic.

The drivers of the escort exit their vehicles and not a single one of them looks happy.

Ramon rolls up the windows and locks the doors. I roll up my sleeves. I don't enjoy having to play Hired Muscle for Ramon, but I'll do it if it gets us out alive.

"The good news," says Klunk,  "Is that you clearly know how to drive this car. The bad news is that you did a full burn in atmo and you're being escorted by people who ALSO consider this vehicle a holy relic."

Ramon looks sheepish. "Can you put the good word in for me then?"

Klunk unbuckles her seatbelt. "Why would I want to? I still don't think you're necessary to drive this vehicle. You did a fancy trick, but at great cost. Any one of the people who are currently standing outside the car with angry looks on their faces would be a more careful driver."

Aristede climbs into the backseat and removes the cushion. "Maybe careful isn't what we need," he says. "I mean, your people souped this baby up, right? You sound like you know more about it than I do. What's the point of having this thing if we're not going to use it to its full potential?"

"Don't touch those buttons," says Klunk.

"I'm familiar with their function," said Aristede. He hit a blue button close to Klunk. I hear a *splut* and the engine makes a happy noise. The hood falls back down. "Alright, maybe I'm familiar with most of them."

"I said don't touch!" says Klunk. "The car is too precious to be used roughly! It's too precious to be used at all! I don't understand how you clowns got it but -- "

"I didn't ask myself," says Aristede. "But I'll tell you how I found mine. I was in a junkyard, and I was looking at the two-dollar pile -- "

"What do you mean, yours?" says Klunk.

"Is this a junkyard on Rigel 5 near the Gold Cliff Mountain?" I say. "That's where this one is from."

"No, it's the one on Betelgeuse Beta at the mouth of the mercury river. As i was saying, I'm looking at the two-dollar pile and I pull something and everything falls away to reveal the car. So I buy it for two bucks. Best deal I ever made."

Ramon and I exchange glances.

Klunk rolls down the window. "Back to the cars," she says to the crowd of angry men. "I want to question these guys in a safer location at Washerville."

The angry men return to their vehicles. Ramon starts the car and we turn again towards the massive pile of junk in the distance.