#also what do u MEAN it's been 7 years. what the fuck.

[professorsparklepants]

i know its been 7 years but im honestly so invested in the zuko aang swap au, how was avatar zuko before entering the ice? who was the avatar before him? is he disgraced brother to firelord azulon? how does azula feel about trying to kill her own great uncle?

okay here's what i have for avatar zuko's backstory...!

i'm mucking around in timelines because the avatar Zuko fics i saw before had several avatars die in quick succession to go from Roku -> Zuko which never made a lot of sense to me. instead we're just going straight from Kyoshi to Zuko. she can live a couple extra decades, she's already like 200.

it also doesn't make sense to me to have Zuko be royalty, because that seems like a MAJOR conflict of interest for someone who's literally born to balance global politics, which whatever mystical force decides the next avatar would want to avoid! (that's not even getting into the possibility of an avatar becoming head of state. yikes.) so instead i'm giving him Roku's backstory to make him a close friend of a fire nation royal, in this case prince Azulon since i want him to be a little older than Aang when he's frozen in ice.

Roku in this universe is actually Zuko's father. he's a close friend and ally of Sozin, which is why Zuko is a playmate of his from a young age. i think i have him as a naval officer for plot reasons.

Zuko's mother on the other hand is a complete oc! her name is Hoa Sen, and she's a complete badass. she's not a bender, but she is a legendary swordsmaster who in her youth once sparred with Avatar Kyoshi and forced her to use all four elements before Kyoshi finally defeated her. this is the reason Zuko knows swords and bending; no son of Hoa Sen is going to grow up without a sword in his hand 😤

Hoa Sen is actually kind of estranged from her husband due to a major disagreement about his current political career. she lives in a house on ember island.

he also has a little sister. since roku's wife here is an oc i'm gonna steal his og wife's name, so she's Ta Minh. she's not a bender. she and Zuko were close as children, but grew apart since she lives with their mom. we'll get back to her later.

Zuko's animal guide is a dragon named Druk, as per Zuko's canon dragon. he is not particularly bright and likes to cause problems on purpose. every plot line from the original show that happens because Aang is lost or wants to ride giant animals is replaced with Druk deciding this is the perfect time to Cause Problems On Purpose.

Azulon is Zuko's oldest friend. i think Azulon has other friends and while Zuko is in their group he's not particularly close to them thanks to his whole [gestures at canon Zuko]. you know. the autism. so they're still very close.

i think also the REASON Zuko was chosen as a childhood playmate for Azulon is because Sozin found out Zuko was the new avatar and was trying to indoctrinate him into being loyal to the fire nation over all else.

(which is also the reason he has a dragon and azulon doesn't.)

this does NOT work btw. Sozin reveals to Zuko that he's the avatar early and demands his fealty, which Zuko refuses because he's a good kid. and then he gets his face burned off. Sozin doesn't kill him because it would just make his life harder, but tells Zuko that it's out of respect for his father. so he's just banished instead.

before Zuko leaves Azulon visits, says he'll be welcome back when Azulon is fire lord, and gives Zuko the crown prince's headpiece, which zuko wears even in the present!

Hoa Sen has old friends of her take him first to the Western air temple where he can heal, and then to the Southern Air Temple to start his training.

i think the monks actually refuse to teach him for a long time because Zuko has some serious issued to work through and they think he needs time to heal mentally and emotionally before he's ready to start taking on his duties as avatar. eventually the ominous prophecy rears its head so he does learn some stuff.

Zuko gets frozen in the iceberg because he knows something bad is going to happen and is frustrated with his training being stalled, so he decides to just skip air and go straight to water.

Here are some fun facts that Zuko does NOT know at the start of this au but do become tragically relevant to him.

Hoa Sen founded the order of the white lotus after seeing what Sozin did to her son, originally as a way to protect him during his training and then to mitigate the damage the fire nation was doing without an avatar to stop them. not sure if her family knew about it, but they did know she objected to Sozin's war.

Azulon married Ta Minh, I think to protect her and her family out of memory to his friend, but also because it's good optics to be tied to the missing fire nation avatar. it's not a particularly happy marriage, but it is functional.

(Zuko does not fucking take this well btw.)

Ta Minh became well known as a swordmaster and actually took Piandao as an apprentice. Iroh and Ozai had no interest in swordplay, so she never bothered teaching them. Lu Ten did express a bit of interest, and ended up learning a respectable amount before she died.

Azula inherited her grandmother's face. Zuko is (understandably) very upset about this on a cosmic level.

Iroh knows all of this and does not tell Zuko until he is forced to in season 2 after azula becomes very relevant.

Azula is also being mentored by Iroh's ex-wife, because #whereareyourwomenbryke and also i think he deserves this.

[itsalwaysdark]

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

[dullahandyke]

i look at some of u guys talking abt a new show u watched or a new thing u read and im like. holy shit thats a thing u can do. im in awe of u. i spend my time slowly ping-ponging between several interests whose base componants i can never experience because i get scard

[springcatalyst]

Song shuffle game

tagged by @hamburgerslippers thank u bestieeee I've been listening to SO much music lately because of work

Rules: shuffle your ‘on repeat’ playlist and post the first ten tracks, then tag ten people.

i'm sorry but you know i dont know 10 people. I would if I could

AHEM

1. Break by Three Days Grace <- FUCKING slaps

2. Monster by Starset

3. King by The Amazing Devil

4. Careful What You Wish For by Bad Omens

5. Icarus by Bastille

6. I Will Fail You by Demon Hunter

7. Wrong Side Of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch

8. Riverbound by Comaduster

9. Ghosts by Nathan Wagner <- I think you'd like this guy hes very dramatic and I think his voice is neat

10. Me and Mine by The Brothers Bright

as always if anyone wants to do this literally just say I tagged u. do it. give me new music to listen to

[strangersynth]

bc you have things to say doesn't always mean you needa say them let alone it also doesn't always mean it's your place to say them kwim

[1onelypoet]

sweet tooth (for you) || lando norris smau

a/n: we're backkkkkk!!! making this took way more time than I expected but hopefully it's better quality?? also I have an actual plan for how the story will unfold so (ik, shocking) 😍

pairing: lando norris x singer! ex-leclerc! reader

fc: reneé rapp

warnings: cursing

disclaimer: this is completely fictional. no hate meant towards anyone mentioned.

part two, part three, part four

popculture August 7

liked by f1gossip, user1, user2 and others

tagged yourusername, charles_leclerc

popculture Singer Y/n L/n's boyfriend of 3 years, Charles Leclerc, has been spotted with another woman.

The Ferrari driver was seen spending his summer break in Corsica on a boat with the unamed woman yesterday. He was pictured talking to her and kissing her, leading us to wonder: where is Y/n? The singer was last spotted in Monaco, where she and Charles share an apartment.

Neither party has said anything about the situation as of now.

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user3 WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOS ODNT REAL I CANNOT DO THIS JOW COULD HE MP

user3 CHALRES LECELREC WHEN I SEE UOU

user4 poor y/n :(

user5 ikr, hope she's doing okay :( ↳ user4 also if we assume that she found out via ig :(

user6 if THE y/n l/n gets cheated on there's no hope for us

user7 love isn't real.

user8 the new album is going to slap

yourusername added to their story August 7

seen by carlossainz55, yukitsunoda0511, gracieabrams and others

replies have been disabled

yourusername August 9

liked by charlottesiine, lilymhe, sabrinacarpenter and others

yourusername maybe i should try religion cus jesus ur hard 2 rely on

view all comments

yourbff my love <3

yourusername <3

carmenmmundt sending love 🫶🏼

user9 HE DOESNT DESERVE U BAE

addisonraee main character.

user10 NEW MUSIC HELLO???

user11 ITS GONNA BE FUCKING FIRE OMG ↳ user10 THE WAY ITS BEEN 2 DAYS AND SHES ALREADY IN THE STUDIO IS SO ICONIC MOTHER IS MOTHERING

lilymhe love u babe ❤️

yourusername love u too lils❤️

user12 are those song lyrics i see in the caption 🤨

f1gossip August 9

liked by manonsworld, user14, user15 and others

tagged charles_leclerc

f1gossip More unseen photos of Charles and his unamed beau

view all comments

user16 this is actually really sad

user17 Charles, I just want to have a chat! 🤗

user17 🔪🔪

user18 bro imagine being y/n and just seeing ur bf publicly cheat on u

user19 someone HAS to know who she is, like 🤨

user20 i bet the twitter stans are already on it

yourbff added to their story August 11

seen by yourusername, anasainzvdec, landonorris and others

f1gossipgirl August 12

liked by f1gossip, user21, user22 and others

tagged charles_leclerc, manonsworld

f1gossipgirl Paparazzi photos taken of Charles Leclerc and Manon Bernardi enjoying their holiday

view all comments

user23 oh thats not...

user24 I mean she's really pretty but um

user25 Cute couple!

user26 bffr ↳ user27 HELP

user28 how r u guys getting these pics what???

yourusername August 15

liked by luisinhaoliveira99, landonorris, spotify and others

tagged charlottesiine, isahernaez, itselenaberri, katerinaberezhna, luisinhaoliveira99

yourusername girls night out 🥂

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luisinhaoliveira99 ❤️❤️❤️

charlottesiine had so much fun 💓

user29 the ex wags supporting eachother is so precious 🥹

user30 they're such cuties 🥹🥹

itselenaberri 👯🏼‍♀️👯🏼‍♀️

user31 THIS IS ICONIC OMG

isahernaez my fav girls 🫶🏼

katerinaberezhna ❤️‍🔥💋

yourusername August 19

liked by landonorris, lizzymcalpine, yourbff and others

tagged yukitsunoda0511, yourbff

yourusername surprise coming soon yay

view all comments

yukitsunoda0511 who dat boi 😎​

yourusername pls never say that again u sound like a frat boy ↳ yukitsunoda0511 maybe i am a frat boy ↳ yourusername ...no ❤️

yourbff loveeee the crying pics!

yourusername ty pookie

user32 THE HIS LOSS CAKE QUEEN BEHAVIOR

user33 AND THE SHIRT?? IM DECEASED

user34 it's an album announcement it's an album announcement it's an album announcement it's an album announcement it's an album announcement it's an album announcement it's an album announcement it's

yourusername added to their story August 21

seen by yourbff, landonorris, f1gossip and others

yourusername August 22

liked by gracieabrams, conangray, lilymhe and others

yourusername i was originally planning on making an ep, most likely called talk too much, with somewhat final drafts of pretty girls, 23, i wish, willow, talk too much, and gemini moon for the tracklist. but, as some of you guys know, my life took a drastic turn in august. in the past month i have tried to distract myself as much as possible, constantly on the move, whether it was actually moving out of my apartment or hanging out with my friends. but when i worked on my music i let myself really feel. feel the pain and the betrayal. and so, after way too many late night runs to mcdonalds, mental breakdowns, calls with my therapist, and movie marathons, i had six more songs.

and so snow angel was born.

even though i know this isn't going to get rid of the pain, which will probably linger in the depths of my insecurities for years to come, snow angel is the step i needed to take to reach acceptance.

thank you to everyone who made this album possible: my fans, friends, producers, family -- i truly could not have done this without you.

i love you all.

view all comments

lilymhe MOTHER IS MOTHERING

landonorris Great album!

yourusername tysm lando 🤗

user35 UM??

oliviarodrigo not okay rn

yukitsunoda0511 slayyyy 🔥💅🌈

user36 yuki, babe, what is this... ↳ yourusername we'd all like to know 😔

yourbff I LOVE YOU POOKIE BEAR 😻😻

yourusername I LOVE YOU TOO CUDDLEMUFFIN 😘

carla.brocker Talented, Brilliant, Incredible, Amazing, Showstopping, Spectacular, Never The Same, Totally Unique, Completely Not Ever Been Done Before, Unafraid To Reference Or Not Reference

leclerc_pascale ❤️❤️❤️

yourusername 💗💗

danielricciardo pop offff (did I use that right?)

yourusername thanks! (yes but it sounded cringe) ↳ landonorris hm (y/n's being nice, it was atrocious)

spotify on repeat.

rachelzegler omg

[seung-mong]

got it - han jisung

includes: fwb! idol han jisung x reader, semi-public bathroom sex, fwb to lovers, possessive han, lots of praise, han is rough but also so so weak for you, poor, sweet mark

dedicated to @yzsqu :))

wc: 4k

horndog - DO NOT REPLY 

~baby

~u up?

of course i'm up han jisung- it's fucking 7 in the evening. you're beyond tempted to reply, but you dont. you know what you replying means to him. instead, you let your phone drop to your mattress, turning over and hugging your pillows up to your chest. 

han jisung has been your... well... 'friend' for the better half of the year now, constantly asking you to "hang out" at his place. and he's been a good friend, truly! as good a friend can be when they've got their dick shoved down your throat. 

it's not like that's how the friendship started, obviously not. you met when you guys were still children, attending the same school as everyone else in his idol group. you were sincerely good friends, you often opened up to him about your worries and problems, and he would always be there to comfort you and take you out for a night of food, drinks, and throwing up behind the dumpsters of random clubs while he held your hair up. 

but one night, you had too many drinks. you were too vulnerable, and his hands just felt too fucking good running up and down your sides. and yes, you're guilty for initiating it. he was simply comforting you while you vented about work. next thing he knew, you were climbing onto his lap and leaving hickeys down his neck. how could he say no to you? 

and you thought it could lead to something more- but han just wasn't ready for a relationship with his busy schedule as an idol, too afraid of how the public would react to him coming out with a relationship. and you were not comfortable with being a casual fuck. for a while. 

who can blame you? his dick just fills you up so good every single time, has your toes curling and back arching as you scream his name into his pillows. you'd swear up and down that each time would be the last, but he would hit you up with a lame "r u free tonight?" and you'd be on your way to his apartment in a fucking flash. 

but the feelings never went away. you started to fall in love with him, and curse you and your heart for falling for him. but how could you not? how could you resist when he'd flash you his stupid smile after fucking your brains out, panting and chest heaving as he lay on the space beside you. and it's not like after a session he'd make you leave, no. he'd open his arms and whine until you gave into him, cuddling into his sweaty side. who could expect you not to fall in love with his eye smiles and quick kisses on your cheek? 

"you're kidding me." felix whines from behind you, shoulder resting on your doorframe. you sit up with a groan, turning your head to meet his gaze with a frown plastered on his face. 

"hi lix." you mumble, patting the space on the bed beside you, but he shakes his head. 

"y/n. it's seven in the evening. on a saturday! you should come out with us, c'mon." he pleads, walking over to your side of the bed and pulling on your arm. you realize he's dressed up, black formal pants and a white button up. 

"where you going?" you yawn, letting him pull you out of bed. 

"the launch of minho's restaurant? remember? come with us, it'll be fun." he begs, pulling you until you're fully standing, your silk shorts and tank top sticking to your skin as sleep lines decorated your  bare arms. he walks over to your closet, throwing the cabinet doors open and surveying your clothes. 

"but it's gonna be full of idols and i'll feel so left out and-"

"for minho?" felix pouts, making you roll your eyes.

"what's the theme of your outfit today?" you ask, playfully shoving him to the side. 

felix scoffs from beside you, elbowing you. "everyone's gonna be wearing formal." 

"formal?" you whine, looking through your brightly covered club dresses and pushing them to the side. "what's the color palette?" 

felix hums, glad that you're on board. "pretty neutral tones."

you groan, taking out the different dresses you had which fit the category. 

"come on, minho's super proud and he wants everyone to look their best. besides, the restaurant's pretty classy anyways." felix eyes the nude bodycon dress that you hold up in front of you, raising an eyebrow. 

"and a blazer, it's cold out." felix advises, sitting down on your bed. 

"fine. but only because there's free food and wine. and i love minho." you roll your eyes taking the dress with you to the bathroom to get ready. 

"what other reason would there be?" felix mutters under his breath as you close the door behind you. 

you're immediately glad you came. minho is positively beaming, answering all the questions journalists throw at him with a cheeky smile and a playful wink. you stuck beside felix and chan's side the whole night, overwhelmed by all the famous idols that popped in and out of the establishment. you're grateful you took felix' advices to dress up, majority of the idols dressed in flashy dresses and fashionable outfits. you're one of the few non-idol friends, and at some point you feel left out when they're all talking about their hectic schedules. 

you don't let it get to you, though. you didn't want to spoil minho's night! you stand at the back of the room with a glass of wine in your hand, taking too many sips in a short amount of time and making you slightly buzzy. 

"you a friend of minho's?" a voice calls out from beside you and you nearly choke on your wine when you turn to see who's started a conversation with you. fuck. of course it had to be that annoyingly attractive idol from nct. 

"yea," you weakly choke, turning to face him. 

mark lifts an eyebrow when you sputter, but he chuckles good-naturedly to avoid this encounter from becoming awkward. 

"not an idol?" he asks, leaning against the post next to him and now you're starting to wonder why the hell he's starting a conversation with you when twice is literally standing a few feet away from you, chattering loudly with chan. 

"nope, just a childhood friend. and roomate." you laugh, wishing you hadn't taken your blazer off when you stepped into the restaurant because you're standing right under a vent and you're shivering but you don't want to put your blazer on because it's such a huge movement and you want to stay as still as possible. 

"oh? never thought about taking that career path?" he raises an eyebrow teasingly, raising the glass of wine in his hand to his lips. 

"does it look like i can dance?" you joke, and to your relief mark laughs. 

"oh come on, i'm sure you dance great." mark shakes his head, brown eyes so intensely set on yours. 

"nah, i have two left feet." you lean your shoulder on the wall behind you, closing the distance between you and the slightly tipsy idol. 

"oh? maybe i should see it for myself." his voice trails off into something much more suggestive, and you raise an eyebrow. 

"are you asking me out to dance... or are you asking me to audition for sm in front of you right now?" 

mark throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh, making you blush when a few people turn their heads in your direction. you bow sheepishly, a little giggle escaping your lips. 

"and if it's the latter?" he raises his glass to his lips, eyes still on you. 

you shrug. "sorry, more of a jyp gal myself." 

he laughs, and you think it's a sound you could get used to.

"damn, you're really-" mark starts, wiping the tears from his eyes away with the back of his hand. 

"y/n?" a harsh voice interrupts him, both of your heads turning towards the owner of the voice. 

fuck. and felix said he couldn't make it. 

"well change of plans, hyung. im on my way!" han yells through his phone, trailing behind his manager as they push past the strangers crowding around minho's restaurant. 

"you said you had to do 'a thing.'" minho accuses him, setting his glass of wine down on the table in front of him. 

"yea, yea." han huffs, finally getting past security and shrugging his coat off with a huff. how's it his fault he's late when you're the one who wouldn't reply to his messages asking you to be his date? he hangs up, mumbling a small 'thank you' to the person who offers him a glass of wine. he smiles when he sees the rest of his group in the same table at the very center of the restaurant, politely bowing when he crosses paths with his seniors and juniors who decided to show support to the owner. 

"hyung, congrats!" han hugs minho excitedly, patting his back. 

"you said you couldn't make it!" minho beams, pulling a chair up for the younger. 

"yea, was supposed to bring a date. but uh, she couldn't make it." han shakes his head, surveying the restaurant. "damn, there's a lot of people, huh?" 

"yup! go! go mingle with the others for the night." minho winks at him as he walks away, being pulled into conversations. 

han smiles as he watches minho mingle with the crowd, genuinely proud of all that he's achieved. 

"y/n's here." felix informs him, patting his back and pointing him in your direction. 

"oh?" he stands up, eager to see you. and met with the sight of you and mark getting a little too close for his liking. 

he walks up to you, anger bubbling in his chest. he messaged you, and you didn't reply. he was gonna ask you to be his date tonight and you didn't respond. but here you were, flirting with mark. 

"han." you choke, standing up straight and averting his gaze as if he'd caught you red handed doing something illegal. 

"oh hey, han jisung! you're the group's rapper right? damn bro i got to say i'm such a huge-" mark walks forward, holding his hand up and reaching for a handshake. 

"y/n. let's go." he steps forward to you and grabs your hand in his, squeezing tightly. 

"excuse me? i'm not going anywhere with you." you scoff, removing your hand from his hold. 

you look at mark apologetically, who is genuinely confused by the scene unraveling in front of him. 

"oh, i- im sorry is there something like- between you two.." mark takes a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. 

"no." 

"yes." 

you look at han incredulously, scoffing at his answer. "yes? really? since when."

"don't- put on a show baby. say bye bye to your friend." 

you blink back at him, thrown off by the firmness in his voice. you open your mouth to retort, but he silences you with the raise of an eyebrow. 

"bye, mark." you huff, bowing apologetically. 

mark is obviously confused, stuttering out a goodbye and walking back to his group of friends with wide eyes. fuck. you just know mark will have so much fun telling his little buddies from nct about the absolutely pleasant encounter he had with han jisung. 

han drags you around the room, settling his glass of wine on an empty table and pulling you behind him. you're beyond embarrassed, apologizing profusely when you bump into several idols, all of whom you liked. you could feel the heat spread across your cheeks and down your neck when they looked at you curiously. you downed the remaining contents of wine in your glass in one go before placing it on a tray held by a passing waiter. 

"han." you hissed, trying to pull your hand away. but he doesn't budge, pushing you into the empty bathroom, checking to see if anyone is watching before locking the door behind him. 

your breathing is deep and ragged, your blood rising to your cheeks and bubbling in anger. 

"what the hell was that?" you hissed. 

"i should be the one asking you that." han's voice is low, accusing you. 

you scoff, in disbelief. "what's that supposed to mean?" 

"you blew me off this afternoon and when i finally get to see you, you're flirting with mark lee." he hisses, face going red with anger. 

"and so what?" your voice is getting louder now and you take a step closer to him. "and don't say i blew you off as if we made plans, you and i both know you were just messaging me so you could get your dick wet." 

"that's- that's not true." he falters, and for a second he sounds pained. "and- and what do you mean 'so what?' are you just going around flirting with idols now? is that how it is? talking and sleeping around?" 

you laugh manically, the anger coming out of you and radiating in waves. "that's just so fucking cheap, han. you're talking as if i had my fucking hand down his pants! and what's it to you who i'm sleeping with anyway? i could choose to fuck all 23 of them and it still shouldn't matter to you." 

"yea? well it does!" and for the first time he's yelling at you, brows furrowed and tie swinging wildly as he steps up to you, hands balled into fists.

"the hell are you fucking talking-" you move forward to shove him backwards, only for his hands to catch your wrists, pulling you closer so you stumble forward, and his lips catch yours in a heated kiss. but you're still angry, and you bite down on his lower lip. you pull away, pushing him away by his shoulders. "what the hell?" you breathe, wiping away the spit on your bottom lip with the back of your hand. 

"it- it matters to me, okay?" he sighs, exasperated. 

"what are you talking about?" you laugh hollowly, shaking your head at him. 

"i- you- you know i'm not good at this!" he groans, opting you to pull you closer to him by your wrist all over again, hand resting on your jaw and hastily placing his lips on yours to shut you up. 

you soften a little, because you do know. you know han's never been one to open up too much, too insecure about his own emotions to ever determine how he's actually feeling. but that's the exact reason he keeps wanting to fuck you, every roll of his hips a hint to just how much he likes you (how romantic). 

but you're a sucker for han jisung. 

you let him push you nearer to the sink, rough hands grabbing at your ass and trying desperately to roll your dress up. you quickly remove his suit jacket, pushing it off his shoulders and onto the floor. he doesn't seem to care, too busy bunching your dress up by your waist and groaning against your mouth. his kisses are sloppy and messy, tongue probing in and out of your mouth but god you're drunk on him, taking everything he has to give with grace. 

when he finally has your dress hiked up, he takes a moment to break away from the kiss and look down, fingers dipping into the waistline of your underwear. 

"fuck, you're soaked aren't you?" he groans, pulling the waistband back and letting it snap against your skin. you yelp, cheeks turning red from the lewd words he whispers against your ear. 

he moves to undo his tie and and you shake your head frantically, hands reaching up to stop him. "keep it on," you mumble, lifting yourself up on the sink and puling him closer by the fabric. 

"fuck you'll be the death of me." he slots himself in between your legs, which wrap around his hips and pull him closer. his bulge rubs just against your clit, and you whine in his ear. 

"hurry and fuck me, please." you whine, rolling your hips upwards and trying to get as much friction as you can from his slacks. he tuts at you, pulling you nearer to the edge by your hips and leaning down to plant a messy kiss on your neck. 

"i'll mark you up, then everyone gets to see you're mine." he groans against your neck, grinding you harder against his bulge. "then no one gets to fucking touch you after, right baby?" 

you nod, delirious and high on lust and alcohol. "gimme it." you mumble incoherently, undoing han's pants and blindly fishing for his cock. 

han chuckles condescendingly at your enthusiasm, hands gripping your hips and squeezing once his cock swings free from his pants.

"put it in." han orders, growing harder by the minute when he sees your hands wrapped around his shaft. you don't hesitate to comply, shimmying your underwear down until it falls down to hang on your ankles. han quickly grabs the fabric and stuffs it into his back pocket. you guide the tip of his cock to your entrance, shimmying closer to him until your chest is pressed against his.

"fuck. good girl." han rasps, lifting your hips slightly as he buries himself deep into your cunt.

you whimper at the praise, fingers digging into his shoulders as he pulls back, only for him to slam harder into you. you let out a moan at the impact, throwing your head back until it hits the mirror behind you. han leads forward, his pace unrelenting as his hands squeeze the side of your thighs. he rests his head in the crook of your neck, a sheen of sweat on his forehead as he groans against your chest. 

you cant help the sounds that escape your mouth, trying desperately to keep your sounds to a minimum, because what would all the people outside think? 

"oh come on baby, i wanna hear you. know i love it when you moan my name." han chuckles against your neck, before biting down and sucking a dark mark onto the skin. 

"h-han." you whine, hands curling into fists against the fabric of his blouse. his fingers dig harder against your hips, so much it almost sings. you bite your lower lip to keep the embarrassing sounds from flooding out, much to han's disappointment. 

"no, no, baby. this just won't do." he sighs dramatically, one hand reaching behind you and hooking onto the sink as leverage to pound into you harder. you gasp at the feeling of the tip of his cock driving deliciously into you, hands clutching onto his shoulders for dear life. 

he's fucking you too good, his hips snapping into you too harshly, you can't possibly keep your mouth shut. every whine and whimper that leaves your mouth sends a shiver down han's spine, and he uses it as motivation to fuck you harder. 

"tell me you're mine." han commands, fingers pinching painfully into your thigh. 

"m-m'yours hannie." you whine sweetly, eyes closing at the pleasure his hips bring you. 

"apologize for being a slut and flirting with that joke from nct." he seethes, so close to cumming when you squeeze around him. 

"fuck!" you hiccup, almost falling back if not for han's stable hold around your waist. "i- in sorry for flirting with mark." 

"good girl. you gonna cum baby?" han teases, bringing a hand up to your cheek and lightly slapping you to catch your attention. 

"yes, please?" you beg, desperate for your release. but your body is conditioned to han's favor, body only cumming when you hear the words come out of his mouth. 

"do you deserve it after today?" han smirks mischievously, a drop of sweat dripping down his neck and onto the collar of his shirt. honestly, han's been dying to cum since he first entered you, only holding out for your pleasure. 

"yes, please, han! i said m'sorry i'm sorry, please? i'll be good, promise." you babble incoherently, too fucked dumb to have an ounce of pride. 

"you're only mine, got it? cum for me, baby" han whispers, smirking at the immediate response he gets from your body. your hold on his shirt tightening as your cunt flutters around him, your eyes closing and a silent scream escaping your open mouth. 

the sight alone is too much for han, who thrusts once, twice and cums deep in you, a strangled groan leaving his lips that is muffled against your shoulder. you feel his cum slowly drip down the side of your inner thigh, but you're too tired to care. you pant heavily against each other, trying to catch your breaths. you feel han pull out of you, more of his liquid oozing out of you. you hiss at the loss of contact, wincing at the thought of being sore tomorrow. 

"don't move." han mumbles, grabbing a handful of tissues from the dispenser and reaching behind you to dampen it with a bit of water. slowly, he nudges apart your thighs, wiping away the mess in between your legs. 

"thank you." you mumble awkwardly, shimmying down the counter and pulling your underwear up. 

you're used to this by now, knowing without even looking at han that he wants you to go out first, like always. you push past him as you reach for the door but han stops you, pinning you back to the counter with his hips. 

"again?" you groan, but han shakes his head. 

"stay for a bit." he sighs, hands finding purchase at your waist as his thumbs rub circles against your sides. 

"but everyone's probably looking for you." you argue, pressing your hands against his chest. 

"i don't care." his tone catches you off guard, and you stay rooted to your spot. 

"hannie-"

"y/n, please don't flirt with him." his voice is barely above a whisper, but you catch his words nonetheless. 

"with mark?" is he still pissed about that?

"with anyone." he clarifies, pressing his forehead against yours. "anyone that isn't me." 

you sigh, tired of being held back by rules that would normally stand in a relationship, without eve being in one. "han, i can't keep being your little fuck buddy, it's tiring." and painful. 

"i know." han sighs, eyes closing as he inhales your sickeningly sweet scent. "i'm just - i dont want to date you and be bad at it." he suddenly confesses, a pout on his lips as his lower lip juts out. 

your heart twists at that, and you place a hand on his cheek in reassurance. he leans into your touch, afraid of opening his eyes. 

"baby, you'll never know if you don't try. we'll take it step by step. slow and steady." you know its a weak attempt, but it seems to put han at ease when he straightens up and wraps his arms around your waist. 

"does that mean you won't flirt with mark anymore?" he whispers, and you can't help but giggle. 

"i won't." 

he's silent for a while, a naughty smirk painted across his lips. 

"you're mine now, got it?" 

you giggle, planting a kiss on his cheek. "got it."

taglist: @pochamin22 @bee123sthings @ohnocent @hyunchannie017 @r1n4 @heluvschibi @kpop-obsessed-all-the-time @elizalabs3 @uknowme-not @bee123sthings @n034sy

[smoshyourheadin]

Maybe u could do a Spencer besties to lovers? Like they've known each other a long time yk

Thankssss no pressure if ur busy ofc <3

It’s Always Been You

cw: reader has a boyf who she breaks up w bc he’s an alchaholic!! don’t read if you aren’t comfortable, i’ll catch you another time ml 💛

a/n: EEK IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT ANON 🫶🫶💛💛 also im taking this as smosh spence not cm spence so feel free to re-request if you’d like <33 ps, ive written that he listens to pink floyd here so thats who syd barrett is if you don’t know :))

requests r open!!

///

pairing: spencer agnew x fem!reader

florida, 2002

you and spencer were scurrying around in the freshly mown grass of his backyard, playing tag.

“you didn’t get me, you cheated!” you exclaim, ducking as he reaches out to get you again, tumbling to the floor.

“did too!” spencer retorts, his grazed knees dropping to the floor so he can lean over you. he meets your eyes, pulls a tongue, and hoists himself back up to run to his tyre swing.

all 11 years you’d known, you’d known them with spencer. your moms had been great friends since way before you were born, being in the same book club. or was it an art night? you didn’t exactly know, but you did know that because your moms were best friends, so were you and spencer.

as you sprung back up to your feet, your moms watched your antics through the kitchen window.

“whoever can swing the other the highest gets to have the last red popsicle!” he yelled as you ran over

“oh you’re so on!”

your hands gripped the tyre and you pushed like your life depended on it.

“y’know,” your mom said “one day, they’re going to end up together.”

his mom looked over at yours and smiled,

“i’d be surprised if they didnt honestly.”

los angeles, 2024

you walk through the door of your apartment, and you kick the door closed behind you. your bag slides off your shoulder, and you throw your keys onto the dresser next to the door. you only manage a long groan before flopping onto the couch.

“heya, charlie!” you scrunch your face up as you feel your dog’s cold, wet nose press against your cheek, as he gently wags his tail

“i missed you too boy, work was so tiring today.” you work at smosh with spencer, and have done for the past seven years after you left your job at another channel to join him. it was basically the best decision you’d ever made, every day filled with laughs; practically just a 24/7 hangout. you work with spencer on smosh games, but rarely ever go on camera, even if spencer’s there. you enjoy it anyway though.

you sit up and scratch behind his ears. he wiggles his body contently at your fondness. and then your stomach growls. it made sense, it was currently 6:43pm, and you last ate at noon, so you get up and drag yourself to make some mac n cheese.

as the pasta boils your phone starts ringing.

it’s james.

rubbing your hands over your face, you answer the dreaded call from your boyfriend james.

“heyyy~ sweetheart, y’doin okay? you were hic bein’ a bit of a bitch today, didnt answer my calls, what, you hate me or sumn?” he rambles, most of his words just slurring off.

“james, are you drinking again?” your voice is agitated, hearing the chattering and the low bass of a bar in the background.

you know he has a problem, and you’ve tried to get him to stop so many times. but you just can’t. he just won’t take your help.

“wha- i mean- well- no- but um- well y’r just gonna be mad at me like y’allways are” he stammers, not wanting to tell you the truth.

“no, i’m done with this. you say all this to me when you’re drunk, and then act like everything is fine! i’m sick of it! you spend so much time at the bar, and its the only place we ever go on dates, and i just end up babysitting you! so yeah i am mad! but for the last time! fuck you james.”

you hang up.

you start to tear up, the knot in your chest tight as your emotions come rushing to you, face heating up as tears begin to fall. the hissing of something behind you snaps you out of it.

“shit!” you rush over to to your stove, where the water from your pasta spills over the sides, the flames licking at the bottom of the pan.you take it off the heat and turn it off. it looks done anyway. you add some butter, and, of course, cheese. stirring gently, you sob.

james was so nice to you, always showering you with gifts and praise and love. but it was all for nothing. he just didn’t love you like he loved drinking in the end.

pouring the mac n cheese into a bowl, you call spencer.

“hey lemon! how’s my favourite person this fine evening?” you smile at the nickname.

florida, 2007

“spencer, you’re a boy. why are you so complicated? i mean, its just annoying!” you walk into his bedroom after his mom let you in, clearly pissed off. being 16 isn’t fun, especially when boys you like are rude to you.

“what did he do?” spencer doesn’t look up from his computer, just slightly turn his head.

“he said that i must eat lemons because of how bitter i am. i mean come on!” you lie on his bed and watch him play runescape.

“lemon… hmph” he just smiles and continues whatever he was doing on his game.

“what? nothing to say? ugh! you suuuuuck!”

los angeles, 2024

“yeah, i mean, no. i broke up with james.” you sniffle, and eat a forkfull of your food, elbows resting on the cold marble of the kitchen island.

“i mean- um- yeah thats horrible…” he says

“you’re allowed to celebrate, i know you hated him. and so did everyone. but still. im fragile right now!” you giggle through your gentle tears

“well, i mean, honestly? glad he’s gone. he sucked dude. not sure why you didn’t do it sooner. well, one positive to come of this, your pillows won’t stink of beer next time i nap at yours!” he replies, clearly happy for you.

“yeah,” you chuckle at the memory of spencer falling asleep on your bed, then completing his hair smelt like budweiser “that is true.”

“all seriousness though, are you okay?” his voice is genuine this time, filled with concern.

“no, not really. it’s just… different i guess. but, not much has changed y’know? like, it already felt like he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore…” you begin to ramble for at least 20 minutes, only to be met with the occasional ‘mhmn’ and ‘yeah’ from spencer. mid sentence, there’s a knock at your door.

“oh one sec, someone’s here.” you get up from your table and swing the door open to see a very sympathetic looking spencer, two target bags in his hands.

your jaw is on the floor. you were just crying to him over the phone, and he’d stayed whilst going out to get what you can only assume is things like sour patch kids and vanilla ice cream, which you could see at the top of the bag. your favourites.

“girls night?” he smirked and raised the bags at his sides.

all you can do is smile ear to ear, and wrap him in a tight hug. he leaned into you, basking in your sweet citrusy perfume.

“you’re my favourite, spencie.” you say into his shoulder.

as you both walk inside, charlie comes bounding over to spencer, his favourite person.

“who’s a good boy! charlie is!” spencer was now crouchedby your kitchen island, fussing over your dog as you walked to put on something more comfortable. you slid on some track pants and an old atari hoodie. walking back into your kitchen, spencer has unpacked the bags, and is creating his favourite conconction, The Agnew Sundae. basically the most sickeningly sweet ice cream ever. his dad made it for you both in the summer, and it consisted of:

vanilla ice cream

chocolate syrup

caramel sauce

whipped cream

sprinkles

mini marshmallows

chocolate chips

m&ms

and some crushed oreos to finish.

god, you know you’re going to regret this later, but boy was it a good way to cheer you up.

also strewn on the counter was his switch and copy of animal crossing, a few of his dvd’s for you to watch, and his mom’s chocolate chip cookies.

“spencer, how on earth did you get these? your mom lives across the country!” you hold up the baggie, and raise an eyebrow.

he looks up from his ice cream assembly station, and smirks.

“a magician never- ow!”

you cut him off by lightly jabbing his arm

“okay okay, she visited not to long ago - when she took you to the mall? and she gave me these to freeze and keep for an important event. i think she’d agree this is important.” you cant help but smile at his remark. you missed you moms.

“i’ll have to ring her later to thank her.” you say.

the night goes on, and you and spencer sit on the couch under a blanket watching barbie princess charm school. because what else are you going to watch?

as the movie goes on, and the effects of the agnew sundae kick in; you were dozing off on his shoulder. towards the end of the movie, so does he. he drifts off, comforted by your soft hair occasionally brushing against his face.

you stir awake, the sun beaming into your eyes through your semi-open blinds, and you’re hit by a wave of memory. everything that happened last night comes flooding back.

james’ call.

spencer’s call.

spencer showing up for you.

at the latter, you smile slightly. you prop yourself up on the sofa, and notice the absence of spencer’s warmth by you. frowning slightly, you walk into the kitchen.

“morning sleepyhead” his sweet voice rings through the room

“hey. i thought you’d’ve gone home”

“no, im not that mean! who do you take me for?” he retorts, his attention turning back to the pancakes on the stove.

“pancakes? what time is it?” you come up behind him, putting your chin on his shoulder.

“yeah, and it’s about 10:30.” he leant his head on yours, flipping one. you had to admit, they look pretty good.

“10:30!?” you lift you head in surprise, looking at your phone “shouldn’t we be in work?”

“nope, i called us in sick. said my mom was having surgery. which she is, but i made it sound dramatic so we could stay off.” he looks at you, and smiles slightly.

“well, send her my love! i think i’ll go get dressed now.” he hummed, and you left the room.

opening your closet, you pick out a yellow baggy t-shirt and some grey sweatpants. you pull on some fluffy socks, and slip on a zip up hoodie. walking back out into the living room, spencer walks in with two plates piled high with pancakes, drenched in syrup and strawberries

“so,” you say, a fork full of pancakes in your mouth. “whats the plan for today?”

he looks over at you, and shrugs slightly. “not sure, we could go to the book store you like?”

“ah, you know the way to a girl’s heart“ you put a hand over your chest and giggle a bit.

a few hours later, you walk into the store, door creaking just a bit as a small brass bell chimes overhead. the air is filled with a comforting mix of old paper, leather bindings, and a hint of freshly brewed coffee from the corner cafe that you and spencer like to get tea from. you breathe it in deeply, a sense of calm washing over you. as you walk over the creaky wooden floorboards beneath you, soft warm light filters down from antique lamps, and cast a gentle glow over the rows of books. you ghost your fingertips over the cloth spines while the quiet murmur of whispered conversations and the occasional rustling of pages create a soothing background noise, almost like a lullaby. through spencer’s airpods, syd barrett serenades you both, and his voice blends seamlessly with the ambiance of the store.

“anything good today lemon?” spencer says as he shimmies up next to you in the aisle of towering book shelves, his voice like honey rolling off his tongue. his hair was unruly as always, but he looked so pretty in this light. his face was littered with freckles that you wish you could kiss. he’s smiling at you, and it snaps you back to reality, and reminds you of the fact you’re staring at him

“uh, yeah, i think i’ll get this one” you smile back, holding up a copy of memoirs of a geisha by arthur golden

“cool, shayne likes that one i think. but he likes every book so…” he smiles at his own remark “um, you want me to grab our normal seats in the cafe while you pay for that?”

“yes, please!” you reply eagerly, smiling as he walked off.

you walk up to the cashier, an older lady who always gives you a bookmark.

“thank you m’darlin’, have a lovely day!”

“you too mrs bryson!” you reply, heading over to spencer who’s sat in some plush leather armchairs. as you sit in comfortable silence with him, time seems to slow down, and for a moment, it's just you, spencer, the books, and the comforting atmosphere of this charming bookstore.

“i got you your sweet tea.” he says, handing you a plastic cup filled with your favourite tea.

he remembered.

fuck.

you were in love with spencer agnew, and it took you him handing you your favourite tea to realise it.

“thanks spence.” you say, still grasping the feelings in your chest.

while you read you book and drink your tea, you feel your attention drifting to him. you can't help but glance up from the pages every now and then, watching him as he sits across from you, his focus on his own book. his fingers absently tracing the rim of his coffee mug, his brow furrowing as he reads. the way the sunlight filters through the small window, casting a warm glow across his hair, highlighting the subtle streaks of lighter brown among his dark curls. you find yourself smiling at the sight of him, wondering when these small, mundane moments began to mean so much to you. the bookstore is quiet, aside for the murmur of others reading or talking in hushed tones. yet, with spencer sitting just a few feet away, the world feels like it's faded to the background. it's just you and him, sharing this space, this moment. you watch the way his lips move slightly as he reads, how he occasionally tilts his head in concentration, and the way his eyes light up when he finds something particularly interesting. as he looks up and catches you watching him, you feel a rush of warmth spreading through your chest. he smiles at you, a slow, easy smile that makes your heart skip a beat. he raises an eyebrow, and you quickly look back down at your book, feeling your cheeks flush. but you can't help it; your gaze finds its way back to him, like he's the most interesting story in the room. he seems to notice the shift in the air between you. he closes his book and leans forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees.

“everything okay?” he asks, his voice gentle, his eyes filled with genuine curiosity.

“yeah,” you reply, trying to sound casual, though your heart is racing. “just... glad to be here with you.”

he nods, his smile growing a bit wider. “me too.”

as he settles back into his chair, you realize that this simple exchange has changed something. the air feels lighter, the connection between you stronger. you may have come here to read and relax, but now, sitting across from spencer, you know you've found something else entirely - something you never want to let go of.

as you leave the store, you’re panicking slightly as you realise you don’t know what to do. so instead you make up an excuse.

“i forgot my keys ," you blurt out, looking back at the bookstore. it's a thin excuse, but spencer doesn't seem to notice. he simply nods, a hint of concern in his eyes.

"do you want me to wait for you?" he asks, already reaching for his phone to check the time.

"no, it's fine," you reply quickly. "you can go ahead. i’ll just be a minute."

spencer seems reluctant to leave, but he nods, offering a warm smile before stepping out onto the street. you watch him walk away, his figure blending into the crowd as he heads toward the main crossing. your heart sinks a little as he disappears from view, and you take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing pulse.

the bookstore feels different now. the warm glow and soft murmurs are still there, but without spencer, it's like the color has faded a bit. you stand by the door, uncertain of what to do next. you could go back outside, catch up with him, and just say it. tell him how you feel. but the words seem stuck in your throat, and the thought of laying your feelings bare feels like too much, too soon.

you step back inside, pretending to look for something you might have left behind. the stacks of books seem to stretch endlessly in front of you, a maze of comforting distractions. you wander through the aisles, hoping to calm your racing thoughts, but all you can think about is spencer - his smile, the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, the warmth of his voice.

eventually, you find a quiet corner and sit down, closing your eyes for a moment. you know you have to do something. you can't just let him walk away without knowing how much he means to you. but the fear of rejection, of changing everything, feels overwhelming.

you realize you need time to sort through your feelings, to figure out the best way to approach this. with a heavy heart, you decide to make your way home, hoping the familiar surroundings will bring clarity. as you step out onto the street, the cool breeze brushes against your skin, and you take a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions raging inside you.

on the journey home, you replay the moments with spencer in your mind, each one a bittersweet reminder of how much he means to you. you know you can't keep hiding your feelings, but you also know you need to approach this with caution. as you unlock the door to your apartment, you make a silent promise to yourself—to take the time you need, to listen to your heart, and to find the courage to follow where it leads, even if it means risking everything for him.

when you get home, spencer tries calling you as he paces around his bedroom, his phone pressed against his ear. the ringing continues, but there's no answer. he frowns, feeling an uneasy twist in his stomach. maybe you're still in the bookstore. maybe your phone is on silent, or maybe you're just busy. he tells himself there's a reasonable explanation, but the doubt lingers.

as he walks to his kitchen, he dials again. this time, the call goes straight to voicemail. his instincts tell him something isn't right. the keys excuse felt odd, and your hurried departure only amplifies his worry. he takes a moment to think, then leaves his apartment, jumps in his car, starts the engine, and drives toward your apartment.

the streets pass in a blur as he navigates through the evening traffic, his mind racing with possibilities. he finds a parking spot near your building and heads to your door. the hallway is quiet, save for the distant sound of a tv from a neighbouring apartment. he takes a deep breath and knocks.

nothing.

he knocks again, this time a little louder. the knot in his stomach tightens. what if something's wrong? what if he's too late? he knocks a third time, and this time, he hears a faint rustling from inside. the door opens slowly, and there you are, standing in the doorway with a look of surprise and confusion.

"spence?" you say, blinking at him as if he's the last person you expected to see.

"i - i was worried," he stammers, rubbing the back of his neck. "you didn't answer your phone, and i - i didn't know if you were okay."

you tilt your head, trying to process why he's here. his eyes search yours, and you can tell he's anxious, almost desperate to explain himself. "i'm fine," you say, "just had some stuff to think about."

he nods, but you can see he's not entirely convinced. there's something else, something deeper. he takes a step back, as if he's about to leave, but then he hesitates. "i - i have to tell you something," he blurts out, his words coming out in a rush. "i like you. like a lot. like i think i love you? and i know it might be weird, and i don't want to mess things up, but I just had to say it - because i couldn't keep it to myself anymore.”

he looks at you, his eyes full of emotions you can't quite decipher yet. you nod, urging him to continue, even though your own heart is racing. there's something in his gaze that makes you realize this isn't just any confession - this is something that's been building for a long time.

"i've liked you since we were kids," he says, almost breathlessly. "i mean, you were always the coolest person I knew. you didn't care what anyone else thought. you were smart and funny and just... so genuinely kind. i remember when we used to ride our bikes around the neighbourhood, and you'd always be the first one to try something new. like, remember when you climbed that huge tree in mr lawson's yard just because you wanted to see the view from the top? i thought you were so brave."

he chuckles softly, his gaze softening as he reminisces. "and then, when we got older, you were always there for me. when my parents split up, and i felt like everything was falling apart, you were the one who came over with a pizza and just listened. you didn't try to fix it; you just let me talk. that's something i've always loved about you. you're a great listener, and you care about people. like, really care."

he shifts his weight from one foot to the other, his eyes locking with yours. "it's not just that, though. It's the little things, too. the way you laugh at the dumbest of angela’s jokes, the way you get excited about your favorite books, and how you always know the right thing to say when I'm feeling down. you make everything feel... lighter, you know? like, even when things are tough, you find a way to make it better."

spencer pauses, his voice growing more earnest. "so yeah, i've um, been holding onto this for a while, and i just, couldn't keep pretending that i didn't feel this way. i like you - a lot. and i don't know if you feel the same way, but i just couldn't not tell you anymore."

he takes a step back, the tension in his shoulders indicating that he's prepared to leave if needed. "i don't want to make things weird between us. if you don't feel the same, that's okay. i just had to say it, because you're the best thing in my life, and i can't keep acting like you aren't."

his confession takes you by surprise, but as he speaks, you feel a surge of warmth in your chest. the words you were struggling to say are suddenly so clear, so obvious. you watch as he starts to turn away, his shoulders slumping in resignation. before he can take another step, you grab his arm and pull him back, your lips pressing against his in a gentle, yet desperate kiss.

he freezes for a moment, stunned by your sudden action, then his arms wrap around you, pulling you close. when you finally break the kiss, you look into his eyes, and there's no doubt, no hesitation.

"it's always been you," you whisper, your voice soft but sure. "you're my person, spencer."

he hugs you tightly, his grip firm and comforting, as if he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go. you rest your head on his shoulder, feeling the steady beat of his heart against your cheek. it's a perfect moment, one that feels like the beginning of something new, something beautiful.

and as you stand there in each other's embrace, you know that everything's going to be okay, because you have each other. and that's all that matters.

[drdemonprince]

doctor demon prince im in my 5th year of undergrad suffering from functional freeze and Cant Write Papers disease (subtype where i eventually write it 7 months later and its really good for how rushed it is). ive also been doing unmasking work and trying to make progress w my nervous system and my relationships, i still have a long way to go . im going to graduate eventually (who fucking knows when) but with a pretty shit gpa.

Anyway my question is why the fuck do i keep wanting to get a masters degree when i know this setting sucks real bad for me. i love 2 learn but either dont have a handle on my adhd/autistic workflow yet or simply dont have the combination of traits it takes to succeed in academia. and i have student loans. i probably wont be accepted to any masters programs anyway but i dont know what else to do !!!!!!!!!!! 🙃 seeing as this is the transgender autistic grad student website maybe u or some of ur followers have advice for me..... 🫶 ok thank u byeee

I'm sorry to have to say this, but why do you want to go to graduate school? It will drive you deeply into debt, cause you a huge amount of stress, subject you to a wildly inaccessible environment where student neurodivergences are often unfairly cast as signs of laziness and lack of academic potential, and, in a majority of fields, it doesn't lead to improved career prospects (typically, the equivalent amount of time spent working in your chosen profession will get you just as far, if not farther, than a graduate degree).

I don't recommend graduate school to almost anyone. Graduate school was a stigmatizing, exhausting, abusive, exploitative, traumatizing experience for me that left me profoundly socially isolated and physically sick, and trained me in an increasingly irrelevant and scientifically unsound field that basically does nothing but regurgitate neoliberal truisms back to the elites that already believe in them.

Some of the faults I've just listed don't apply to *every* academic field in the world -- but it does apply to most of them!

I think it's important for people to know that Master's degree programs are, by and large, created as a revenue source for universities. Undergraduate enrollment has hit a wall -- there's only so many more people who can go to college, in a world where college has become increasingly obligatory, college pays off professionally far less than it used to, and in times of low unemployment there's very little reason to go to school -- and so the possibility of growing undergraduate enrollment has become more and more thin. This means universities have been unable to turn growing profits for years. And that's what matters to them -- profits.

Left without the revenue source of more college students' tuitions, universities have turned toward courting repeat customers -- duping college graduates who are unhappy with their post-graduate career prospects by investing in even more school. In most Master's degree programs, there are very high fees, very limited financial aid, and very very limited mentorship (compared to, say PhD programs, where shepherding you through the program is at least an advisor's duty).

I've worked in higher ed administration for years now and I've seen how disposable Master's degree students are taken to be -- they're paying for a pricey credential and they get very little out of it, in the end -- in most programs, and most contexts. When we need to fill a budget gap, we create a new Master's program -- without regard for whether it is necessary, and without ever being able to prove it will aid our graduates in getting jobs, or even that the degree will fill a necessary niche.

You can feel free to write back to me if yours is a field where a master's degree is necessary or yields positive career outcomes for a great many people (social work and athletic training come to mind). But even still, I don't think you should subject yourself to a completely inaccessible environment that you are already struggling in and taking on more debt to do so. You deserve better than that. And 99% of graduate programs will not do right by you.

If you'd like to read more about just how exploitative graduate programs generally are, and why, I recommend Karen Kelsky's book The Professor is In, or her blog of the same name:

[two-white-butterflies]

invisible string | m33 | part two

Description: You face a career-ending injury, that forces you to give up your childhood dream. 7 years later, you return to the paddocks as a guest - and as the Team Principal of Prema Racing. What happens when feelings are too difficult to hide?

Pairing: max verstappen/racer!reader

part one | part three

(2022, PARTY AT THE HORNER YACHT.)

"L/N is such an overrated driver, she had one of the most successful engines - anyone could've piloted that thing." Christian chuckled while pouring his guests another round of wine. Max absentmindedly laughed at the joke - he didn't really hear the joke but he figured that it must've been hilarious for all the people around the table to laugh.

Kimi Raikkonen's eyes narrowed - searching the boat for drivers who didn't agree with Horner's statement. "It takes a hundred female pilots to be one man." Horner shrugged and the table erupted into another chorus of laughed. This time, Max wasn't laughing.

itsmee_yn: If suddenly you forget me, do not look for me - for I shall have already forgotten about you. (Pablo Neruda)

912 comments 321,238 likes

oleole: this is totally about max's new interview 😭 - whispersme9: WHERE? - oleole: the one w/ daniel in the redbull yt

ynworld: Some people deserve to be in the past, mother. - itsmee_yn: totally !

selenagomez: ❤️

nicorosberg: Let's talk about it over coffee? - itsmee_yn: you only talk to me when there's tea :(( - - nicorosberg: You know me so well haha

maxverstappen1: What's going on?

192 comments 126,283 likes

ynandmaxuniverse: the hoes are fighting 😭

danielricciardo: I DID NOT START THIS. 🤲🏼 itsmee_yn liked this comment.

formulaonegirlie: ya'll imma need a full article on what the fuck is happening 😢 ALSO QUOTING TAYLOR SWIFT? WHEN SHE'S Y/N'S FAVORITE ARTIST AND FRIEND.

itsmee_yn: Had so much fun with this family ❤️ I'm legally changing my last name to Raikkonen.

912 comments 238,212 likes

kimimatiasraikkonen: 👍🏻 - itsmee_yn: that means so much to me king 👑

nicorosberg: and you didn't invite me? - itsmee_yn: WHO R U? - - nicorosberg: You're new best-friend since the last one got evicted. 🤯 - - - itsmee_yn: NAH

sebastianvettel: Let's catch up soon! - itsmee_yn: u r automatically invited to my house sir

nicorosberg's story

caption: sometimes i wonder if she really hates the man, or if she really hates how she loves him. 🤦🏼‍♂️

replies

itsmee_yn: UR A 37 YEAR OLD BULLY 💀 itsmee_yn: U SHOULD LITERALLY GET OFF SOCIAL MEDIA nicorosberg: Why is your message blank? itsmee_yn: I'M TELLING KIMI THAT YOU'RE PUBLICALLY BULLYING HIS 1ST BORN DAUGHTER nicorosberg: publicly* itsmee_yn: GRAMMAR POLICE

itsmee_yn: 3 days before the Hungarian GP ✨

394 comments 458,238 likes

danielricciardo: You coming? - itsmee_yn: I have free tickets 😍

landonorris: OMG QUEEN WE HAVE TO MEET UP - itsmee_yn: ❤️

maxandynlover: Is the war over? CUZ... 😁

maxverstappen1: looking forward to it 😱

sabrinacarpenter: I was rooting for you sis 🙁 - ynprivateaccount: He has me weak on my knees 😭 - - sabrinaprivateaccount: old habits die hard 😢

(2022, HUNGARIAN GRAND PRIX)

"So, are you going to explain?" you placed both of your hands on your hips, staring at him with a glare that told him he wasn't going home scot free. "I talked to Kimi," he mumbled sheepishly. "I know that this isn't an explaination, but I want you to understand that I never meant to disrespect you in that way." he explained.

"Kimi told me what Christian said about you, and it wasn't funny. I shouldn't have laughed, I'm sorry." he apologized, taking another step closer to wrap you in an embrace - but you step away. All your life, you've been told that a woman didn't have room in Formula One - and to hear your best friend laugh at those jokes? It was worse than losing your career.

"Am I supposed to believe you?" you frowned, unable to comprehend that he was telling the truth. "You don't have to - but I'm sorry." he breathed with sincerity in his tone. You wanted to believe him, but you needed more convincing.

danielricciardo's story

caption: who u talking to? @itsmee_yn

replies itsmee_yn: secret no clue danielricciardo: 🤣

taglist: @laura-naruto-fan1998 @eternalharry @milaeth @msliz @lifesuckslife @ellamae021 @1-800-simpingcowbaby @trashcanrat @ccallistata @shouq @fdl305 @iloveyou3000morgan @georgeparisole @allenajade-ite @eternalharry @messwithtess21 @benbarneslut @withyoutilltheendofthismess @omgsuperstarg @stillbreathin @mishaandthebrits @lemonsinpanic @styles-sunflower @cassiesworldsworld @1655-1485 @hachrinnen @luanasrta @fdl305 @reidsworld @sarahedwards16 @peargasleeeee @imsorare @sinofwriting

COMMENT TO GET TAGGED

[starstruckbyacomet]

A Feedback to ABC

🎄All I W❄️nt for Christm⭐️s Is L❤️U☃️

Below is a copy of my feedback to ABC. I wrote the feedback on a Microsoft Word document, because it was too long to be written on the description column of ABC's feedback page.

I'm not suggesting people to read the whole thing (it is a long-ass letter). However, there are some points in it which I think worthy to be mentioned, if anyone still want to write feedback to ABC:

1)) Criticism on the writing of Season 7 and Season 8. I made a list of '13 reasons why' 🙄 I thought the writing of Season 8 was crappy, and actually called it 'crappy' on my feedback. The list included everything which has bothered me, except 2 things: Ortiz and Eddie storylines. There is a possibility that Ortiz would come back as a stronger villain in the future, and Eddie's issue with Shannon might be resolved in Season 8B. Thus, I withheld my judgment. It's important to tell ABC how bad the writing was, because you wouldn't guess it from all the positive publications and adulation about the show out there. The higher ups on ABC might also not be aware about it.

2)) Mentioning that fans have noticed the three-baitings: the thrill-baiting, the Buddie-baiting, and the Tevan-baiting. Even if the show or ABC didn't mean to bait anyone (which honestly I doubt 🙄), at least ABC would be aware of the distrust and negative perceptions on the show, and hopefully would take actions to counter them.

3)) Reasons why we don't want to see Buck with any love interests other than Tommy.

4)) Suggestions of possible storylines for Tommy. Initially I was hesitant to write this part. I thought, these professional writers surely didn't need suggestions from someone like me. But then I remembered how they'd botched Season 8A (*shudder*), and I was afraid that they wouldn't bring Tommy back, because they didn't know what to do with him. So, fuck it! Someone, anyone, got to tell them. And if that someone had to be me, so be it.

5)) There was no mention of the online harrassment. In my criticism about Buddie-baiting, I called the Buddie fans "obsessed", instead of "toxic" or "hostile". I want my feedback to be read pass the social media team. Mentioning the online harrassment might make the social media team tossed my letter to the garbage bin, because they didn't want to be blamed on their passivity.

I'm sorry that I couldn't participate in financial donation this year. I've been out of job for quite a while, because I was bullied on my previous workplace. This is also the reason why I've been so adamant against online bullying. I hope however small what I do for this movement, it still helps somehow.

🎄..☃️..✨️..❄️..🎄..⛄️..✨️..❄️..🎄..☃️..✨️..❄️..🎄

Dear ABC,

I've been watching 9-1-1 show for years, and have been involved in its fandom for quite a while. There are growing concerns among the fandom about the show, which is the reason why I'm writing this letter:

A. THE WRITING

The writing of Season 7 was not good. Shannon's doppelganger storyline was hard to believe, and Amir storyline was rushed. Buck was the only character who got a decent story with his new relationship with Tommy. However, most of us were willing to look past those shortcomings because it was a shortened season, with only 10 episodes instead of the usual 18 episodes.

We'd expected Season 8 will be better, alas, it's been worse:

Gerard was retconned to be a bumbling old relic. It's hard to believe that he was the same menace who had ruled the 118 firehouse with iron fists in the Begins episodes of Season 2.

In episode 8x05 "Masks", Hen and Karen had a disagreement about Hen's working schedule. Why did this issue come up now, after their 7+ years of marriage? Hen never changed her job during their marriage. Karen has even been very supportive when Hen was enrolled in a medical school, while also working as a firefighter from Season 4 to Season 6. At that time, she was notably busier than she is in this season.

In episode 101 "Pilot" Abby mentioned that Tommy was her ex-boyfriend. Why did in episode 806 "Confessions" Tommy say he was Abby's ex-fiancé?

In episode 8x06 "Confessions" Maddie told Chimney, her husband, that she was pregnant. After her unexpected pregnancy back in Season 3, we expected the couple would be more careful with birth controls. Apparently they didn't. It is a running joke within fandom that birth controls don't exist in 9-1-1 universe. Also, why didn't Maddie have a discussion with her husband before she got pregnant? A pregnancy should be a couple's decision, not forced by half of the pair to the other half.

In episode 806 "Confessions", Tommy gave Buck two Lakers tickets as anniversary gift. It is implied that Tommy didn't know that Buck did not like basketball. We're not sure what the show wanted to tell with this scene. If it meant to imply that Tommy was not a good boyfriend because he didn't know that fact, it achieved the opposite effect. Buck was the one who had given the impression to Tommy that he liked basketball on episode 804 "Buck, Bothered, and Bewildered". Thus, if Tommy still didn't know that Buck disliked the sport after 6 months into their relationship, it was Buck's fault for not coming clean to Tommy.

Buck was flustered when talking with a woman on his anniversary date with Tommy in episode 806 "Confessions". Buck is 33 years old, not twelve. He's been dating a lot of people before. Buck should have known better than showing his attraction to other people while being on a date.

Still in episode 806 "Confessions", Buck asked whether Tommy was attracted to women. At the time, they've been dating for 6 months. Previously, in episode 705 "You Don't Know Me", Buck told Eddie that Tommy was gay. If Buck had known that his boyfriend was gay, why did he ask Tommy whether Tommy was attracted to women? Buck might be not the brightest bulb in the box, but we didn't think he was so stupid or ignorant that he couldn't differentiate between being gay and being bisexual.

Again, in episode 806 "Confessions" Tommy broke up with Buck because he was afraid to go further in their relationship. Tommy that we knew was mindful to other people's feelings. In episode 704 "Buck, Bothered, and Bewildered" Tommy visited Buck to clear the air after he'd sensed that he might have inadvertently created a wedge between Buck and Eddie. This mindful Tommy wouldn't date Buck in the first place, if he knew that he couldn't go to the next phase.

After Tommy broke up with Buck, Buck didn't seem to fight for their relationship. In episode 405 "Buck Begins" Athena said that being Buck meant never give up. In the past, we have seen Buck fought for things which mattered to him. He sued LAFD to get his job back. He broke the law to save Maddie when she was in danger. However, after Tommy broke up with him, Buck didn't even try to communicate with Tommy like an adult. Instead, he was... baking? This is not the Buck we have known.

In episode 807 "Hotshots" and episode 808 "Wannabes" Buck didn't even look sad when he was not baking. He did look anxious when Tommy was mentioned, but other than that, he acted normal. Tim Minear mentioned in interviews that Tommy was important for Buck, but we didn't see it on screen. Fans have been mourning the relationship harder than on-screen Buck.

After the break up, why didn't any of Buck's closest people encourage him to clear things up with Tommy? In episode 709 "Ashes, Ashes" Bobby told Buck that Tommy was good for him, and Chimney has asked Tommy to fly into a hurricane, practically made Tommy risked his own life for the 118 team. However, after Tommy broke up with Buck, none of them told either Buck or Tommy to talk with each other and clear things up.

In episode 807 "Hotshots", Chimney encouraged Buck to "jump back in the pond", and Buck answered with "I don't know which pond to jump back into." The conversation seemed like a subtext that bisexual Buck now could sleep with both men and women. As a bisexual person, I am very offended by this scene. Like other people, bisexual people cannot control to whom we fall in love to, regardless of the gender. The implication of the scene is that bi people are 'easy' or 'loose' and used to pick partners to sleep without giving much thoughts on it. It is a common prejudice which we've been fighting against for a very long time. Watching it implied on the scene is insulting, to say the least.

The prolonged screen time of Brad Torrence. Initially fans didn't hate Brad. However, we couldn't help but notice that a big portion of Season 8A was spent on Brad, while other main characters we actually cared about were put aside. Now, Brad Torrence becomes a bitter joke among fans. Most of us couldn't stand him any longer. On top of that, the scene of Brad saved a suicidal Hotshots fan in episode 806 "Wannabes" felt like an undeserved pat-on-the-back to the show, considering the crappy stories the show has been giving us since Season 7.

B. THE BAITING

B.1. THE THRILL-BAITING

Fans have noticed that 9-1-1 has been seemingly baiting new viewers to watch the show, but didn't give them what they were looking for. One example is the big disaster emergency stories at the beginnings of Season 6 and Season 7. There was no other big emergencies during the rest of the seasons and audience knew that. Long term fans like me were delighted by those stories, and ratings indicated that the big emergencies have attracted additional viewers. However, surely you've noticed that ratings were back to normal right after the big emergency stories had ended. The drops were not even gradual. It's because new viewers knew that the thrill ended after the 3rd episode of the season. And with such crappy storylines which I have explained in Part A, new viewers hardly wanted to stay.

B.2. THE BUDDIE-BAITING

Another baiting that we've noticed is the Buddie-baiting. There are fans who want to see Buck and Eddie (a.k.a. "Buddie") in a romantic relationship on screen. These fans are not subtle about what they want. Tim Minear, Kristen Reidel, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Oliver Stark, and Ryan Guzman have acknowledged the existence of the fans in various occasions. The Buddie fans have been voicing their demand since Season 2. Unlike normal fans they are very obsessed about the pairing they root for. Other 9-1-1 fans like me, who don't root for Buddie, have concerns regarding how the show has been portraying Buck and Eddie's interactions on screen. In our opinion, if the show didn't want to pair Buck with Eddie romantically, then it should stop giving nods or hints about them as if they were a couple or a couple to-be. Those nods or hints only give false expectations to the Buddie fans. For examples:

1)) In episode 7x06 "There Goes the Groom", there was a Buck & Eddie drunk karaoke scene. The scene should include Henren and Ravi, or at least Ravi in the scene, to avoid misinterpretation by Buddie fans.

2)) In episode 8x06 "Confessions", Eddie talked about beards, right after he mentioned that he was straight. Buddie fans has interpreted this scene as a clue that Eddie was hiding his sexuality. Here's the actual conversation on screen:

Father Brian: "And you, you have that... very handsome mustache." Eddie (chuckling): "Do you wanna know why I grew this?" Father Brian: "Tell me." Eddie: "Because the LAFD doesn't allow beards. Too flammable. Otherwise, I'd have gone full mountain man." Father Brian: "So, it's a disguise?" Eddie (averting his gaze): "Something like that." Father Brian: "What're you afraid of seeing when you're looking in the mirror?"

The conversation could be done without mentioning beards at all. For example:

Father Brian: "And you, you have that... very handsome mustache." Eddie (chuckling): "I'm glad someone likes it." Father Brian: "Nobody else likes it?" Eddie: "Well, sometimes my friends tease me about it. But I think they're just not used to see me with a mustache." Father Brian: "So, it's new? Is it a trend that I didn't know about?" Eddie (chuckling): "No, not a trend. I just want to see something different when I look in the mirror." Father Brian: "So, it's a disguise?" Eddie (averting his gaze): "Something like that." Father Brian: "What're you afraid of seeing when you're looking in the mirror?"

If a non-writer like me could come up with an alternative conversation with the same ending without talking about beards, so could the writers. Even if the conversation became longer, the show could cut some time off of Eddie's dancing scene at the end of the episode. Inserting beards in the conversation feels like baiting Buddie fans without actually giving them what they want.

3)) In episode 8x06 "Confessions", a pantless Eddie opened his door to Buck after Buck was dumped by Tommy, and proceeded to let Buck sat next to him. Eddie was pantless because he had been doing the Risky Business Dance. There are other iconic dances which Eddie could do without losing his pants, like Michael Jackson's Moonwalk, the Footloose Dance, John Travolta's Staying Alive Dance, etc. This sexual innuendo only gives a false message to Buddie fans.

There is a growing concern that the show has been baiting Buddie fans to keep watching without actually making Buck and Eddie a couple. This feels deceitful, exploitative, and manipulative. Fans don't need 'nods' or 'hints' or 'subtexts'. A few decades ago, when homosexuality was a taboo, giving nods and subtexts about the subject on TV shows seemed brave. It doesn't work that way in this modern era, when marriage equality has been a law for quite a while. On the contrary, it feels deceitful and cowardly. As if the show was afraid to upset its queer-averse audience, but also wanted its queer-leaning audience to keep watching.

B.3. THE TEVAN-BAITING

After 9-1-1 re-introduced Tommy back in Season 7, a lot of fans were captivated by this character and his love story with Buck. We dubbed the couple as 'Bucktommy' or 'Tevan'. In the fandom, a lot people have shared how they could relate to Tommy. I'm one of them. Like Tommy, I came out later in life, although only to selected people in my life. Like Tommy, I also have done less than honorable things to cover my sexuality, which I still regret even now. A lot of fans, including me, also relate to Tommy's longing for a family who could fully accept him. That's why we were rooting for his relationship with Buck.

We were shocked and heartbroken when the couple broke up in episode 806 "Confessions". To add salt in our wound, everyone involved acted out-of-characters like I mentioned in Part A. It makes the break up felt like a rushed afterthought, instead of a well-prepared storyline. It's very contrast with how the story of Brad Torrence and Hotshots were told. Furthermore, Tommy had been portrayed as a loving boyfriend to Buck in the previous episode (ep. 805 "Masks"). We felt that the show has played with our feelings, and for what? To make us cried our hearts out on the internet and gave the show hypes and online engagements for free? Once again, it feels like the show has deceitfully baited us. Looking back at how it has seemingly baited thrill-seekers viewers with emergency scenes only at the season openings, and how it gave 'nods' to Buddie pairing without ever make it happened, the thought doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility.

A lot of fans have noticed a trend of ship-baiting in TV shows. Unlike queer-baiting, these TV shows have included openly queer characters from the start, so people don't accuse them of queer-baiting. However, there's usually only one queer couple who has a long-term relationship which lasts until the end of the show. Other queer characters either end up single or appear single (e.g. Guilermo de la Cruz of What We Do in the Shadows), have elusive romantic partners who appear very rarely on screen (e.g. Paul Strickland of 9-1-1: Lone Star), or have a string of failed romantic relationships until the shows ended (e.g. Travis Montgomery of Station 19). The story of Travis Montgomery of Station 19 is very telling. He was the only main character who didn't get a 'soulmate' at the end of the show. He was dragged from one failed relationship to another during the whole 7 seasons. This was a notably different treatment compared to other main characters in the show. It has made fans wondered whether the fact that Travis was gay had something to do with it. There had been one queer couple, Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca (a.k.a. "Marina") who was prominently on display and got a happy ending in Station 19. Why didn't Travis get a lasting relationship like other main characters, instead of being paired with a brand new partner in the end? As if there was a diversity quota, where only one queer couple per TV show was allowed to be prominently on display and got a happy ending.

C. WHAT NEXT FOR BUCK

Reflecting from what happened with Travis Montgomery of Station 19, some fans have predicted that 9-1-1 planned to drag Buck to a string of failed relationships before pairing him with a woman at the end of the show. There's also a speculation that Buck would be paired with Tommy or even Eddie right before the show ended, because by then the show would not have to portray his queer relationship on screen further. Until then, the audience might have to watch Buck jumps from relationship to relationship again.

There are several issues with this scenario:

1)) Buck has gone through FIVE failed relationships since the beginning of the show (with Abby, Ali, Taylor, Natalia, and Tommy). It would be NINE if we include hook-ups and kisses (the unnamed firetruck hookup, the snake-keeping lady, his ex-therapist, and Lucy Donato). Giving Buck another failed relationship is beyond repetitive. It screams "we run out of ideas what to do with this character." A lot of us simply don't want to watch that repetition.

2)) It would be hard for any other partners to measure up to Tommy. Tommy shared a unique connection with Buck: Buck was Tommy's replacement in 118 firehouse and they shared a same ex, Abby. Tommy also had a good relationship with Bobby, Chimney, Hen, and Eddie, and has been portrayed as a good boyfriend for Buck. If an ideal partner like Tommy was thrown out of the window, why should we care about Buck's next love interest(s)?

3)) Tommy's unique connection with Buck and how Tommy has been portrayed on the show have given a lot of potential stories for Buck and Tommy together. For examples:

Tommy has done terrible things in the past, probably while he was in the military. This would give Buck a dilemma: would he leave Tommy, or would he love and trust someone with a checkered past although that person has repented.

Tommy could have a trauma or PTSD from his time in the military, probably related to DADT. This would give Buck a new role as a caregiver to who tried to help his partner struggles with a serious issue. It would be more serious than accompanying Taylor Kelly to meet her estranged father.

Tommy might apologize to Abby. Not only Buck and Abby deserve a closure, Tommy and Abby do too. Buck might even facilitate this.

Those examples have never been shown before. Any of them would feel fresh and better than having Buck goes through several romantic relationships again.

4)) As I mentioned before, a lot of us feel that the show has been baiting us, the queer-leaning viewers, to watch the show without giving us the queer relationship that we want. Our experiences with TV shows like Supernatural, Station 19, and the latest one, What We Do in the Shadows, have taught us to recognize the baiting signs. A lot of us refuse to be exploited again. Several fans have quit watching the show after episode 806 "Confessions", others were waiting until the half season hiatus to see whether Tommy was coming back or not, before quit watching it for good. We plan to watch the show again only if Tommy and Buck get back together.

This is not the first time I was disappointed by a TV show. Several years ago, I quit watching Grey's Anatomy because it messed up Jackson and April (a.k.a. "Japril")'s relationship with a love triangle story for too long. Although disappointed, at the time I didn't care enough to express my concern to ABC. I simply quit watching the show, because it didn't give me joy anymore. However, I care more about Tommy and his relationship with Buck, hence this letter. I hope the show will bring Tommy back and restore his relationship with Buck once more in Season 8B. I know a lot of fans have a similar hope.

#All I Want for Christmas Is Lou

Best regards,

[My name]

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 7

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, dealer!ellie, LOSER!ELLIE, cursing, ANGST, use of marijuana and alcohol, brief mention of death, descriptions of a weapon (it's just ellie's switchblade), sexual speech and content, brief mention of violence, brief description of homophobia, ellie's POV, minors do not interact

word count: 3.5k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

“Ellie, seriously, calm down. Also, can you hand me the fucking joint already?” 

Dina watches as Ellie paces back and forth across the living room of the apartment Ellie shared with Jesse. She’d come back early from her Electrical Engineering Design class after silently storming out a mere 15 minutes into the lecture. She had her Particle Physics class in less than an hour, but she had very little intention of attending. 

She’d even bailed on making a quick stop at Ruston Coffee in order to reclaim the jacket she’d lent to Daniela. She had four unread texts from her, but she ignored them. 

“Dude, I just—” Ellie starts. 

“I know,” Dina replies. “But can you blame her?” 

Ellie doesn’t reply, instead angrily groaning as she plops down next to Dina on the couch. She hands Dina the joint, which was already half-burnt. 

“God, at least ash it first,” Dina complains, taking it from her and flicking the dusty remains into an ashtray on the coffee table. “Anyway, what the fuck is she supposed to do? Not move on from you?” 

“No, but—” 

“You’re only this mad because Abby Anderson’s the one she was seeing before you,” Dina says before taking a hit of the joint. “I mean, you’d still be irritated if it was someone else. But now, your ego is a little bruised.” 

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Ellie scoffs. “And she and I weren’t seeing each other, we—” 

“It’s been two fucking years. You need to stop saying that shit.” Dina interrupts, getting exasperated. 

“We literally weren’t—” 

“Who the fuck cares, Ellie?”

“D—” Ellie attempts, but Dina continues. 

“She was in love with you, and you were so fucking in love with her. And don’t try to pull that shit with me, saying that you weren’t in love with her.” Dina adds, seeing that Ellie was about to interrupt once more. “Everyone saw it, and everyone knew it. Fuck, even Joel saw it, and it’s Joel.” 

Ellie says nothing, choosing to stare intensely at her fists. They were turning white from how hard she was clenching them in agitation. 

It had been so long since she’d seen your smile, the honest and genuine kind that you used to flash at her countless times. She hadn’t seen it since before your cousin Rafael passed away. The way it’d adorned your face so naturally just now, it broke something in her today the moment she glanced your way. Something that she’d hastily patched up after you cut her off completely. And for Abby Anderson to be the reason for that smile… 

Dina purposely blowing smoke in Ellie’s face wakes her up from her reverie. 

“The fuck, D…” Ellie complains, coughing and fanning a hand in her face to clear the smoke. 

“Jesse and I love you very much,” Dina continues, ignoring her curses. “But to be honest, we’ve kind of been pissed with you for a while now.” 

Ellie’s eyes shoot up to frown at her. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Dina sighs. 

“We love her a lot too, you know. And we miss her. The past year, she’s pulled away from us because of you. And we would have pushed, but she asked us not to. She asked us not to choose and to just keep being friends with you like normal.” 

“I—“ Ellie stutters. “I didn’t know that.” 

“Because she told us not to tell you.” Dina sighs. “Even after you hurt her, she still thought about you. She knew how much we mean to each other, and she didn’t want to get in the way of that. And that’s why she hasn’t told either me or Jesse what happened between you two when you took her home at the end of that summer.” 

Ellie puts her head in her hands, recalling that drive. That day rattled in her mind constantly over the past year or so. She’d tried consistently to repress it at first, but it was all cemented in her mind: your nervous twitching and fidgeting, the way your lips trembled when you spoke, the redness of your eyes as you fought not to cry. Eventually, she gave up trying to forget it all; deep down, she knew she deserved to live with the guilt. 

“Fuck.” Ellie sighs. 

“Yeah.” 

They sit in silence for a few moments as Dina finished the rest of the joint, eventually putting it out on the ashtray. 

“So,” Dina finally speaks. “You gonna tell me what made her break up with you?” 

Ellie sighs. 

“I don’t think you really wanna know, D.” She mutters. 

“You know,” Dina says. “It’s not really fair that you’ve had me and Jesse update you nonstop the past year on what’s been going on with her, but then you won’t tell either of us what went down.” 

“It’s just…” Ellie continues, thinking. “I know you both think I was real shitty for what I did to her. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t think that. But I don’t want you both to think that I’m a complete and total asshole.” 

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You are a complete and total asshole.” Dina shrugs. 

“Oh, you dick.” Ellie says, smacking Dina’s arm a little too hard. 

“Ow!” Dina complains, rubbing the spot where Ellie hit her. “We don’t all go to the gym religiously, you know. Some of us are delicate!” 

“Pussy.” Ellie chuckles. 

Dina rolls her eyes before getting up from the couch. 

“Anyway, get your shit together, Williams. I gotta go.” She says. “Got class in about 20 minutes.” 

“Skip it.” 

“No. Go to your next class, Els.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Ellie says dismissively, brushing her off. 

Dina said her goodbyes and waved before leaving the apartment, locking the door behind her. 

Ellie sat with her thoughts for a moment before getting up to walk to the kitchen. She grabs a mug from the cabinets, one decorated with a red-winged blackbird on one side and a sandhill crane on the other. After she nearly fills it to the brim with whiskey, she begins drinking it impatiently as she makes her way into her bedroom. 

She places her now half-empty mug on her bedside table before plopping down onto her bed. Not bothering to remove her dirty Converse, she stares up at the prickly, white ceiling. 

Abby Anderson? Why her? 

Her tattooed arm was positioned above her forehead while the other laid on her side, her old, trusty switchblade suddenly in her hand. She starts playing with it mindlessly as thoughts of you swim inside her head. 

When the fuck did she start seeing her again? She didn’t even like Anderson that much… 

Ellie’s mind was a battlefield. She begins recalling memories of you when you’d talk about Abby Anderson, trying to discern the level of attraction you had for her from the bashful looks on your face and the dreaminess in your voice. At the same time, she was trying to push away her own emotion from those memories: the forced smile she’d give you when you brought Anderson up, the way she bit her tongue from unleashing nasty, sarcastic retorts about her, the seething rage she felt as she stormed away from you the first night she dropped you off at Anderson’s dorm. 

She didn’t even… She only slept with her once…  

Ellie thinks about that evening, when she watched you getting ready. She tried desperately to shut out the images of your tender eyes begging for her approval, your messy hair cascading down as you’d taken it out of its bun, every curve of your body that she was allowed a glimpse of when she’d helped you dress, your lips…

Anderson was just some fucking hook-up, I know she was… 

Ellie remembers miserably how she waited until you’d completely turned away to watch how mesmerizing you looked as you ascended the steps to Anderson’s dorm. Ellie remembers the disappointed look you had on your face, crest-fallen that she’d kept you at arms-length the rest of the evening. She remembers wanting desperately to call out your name, stop you from walking through the door, and claim you for herself. She remembers nearly doing so, but her courage had not moved swiftly enough. 

I fucked her hundreds more times… There’s no way Anderson is pleasing her like I did… I’m the one who knows how to… 

Ellie begins speculating on what you’ve been doing hanging around Anderson again. There’s no way that you were just friends. She sees the way Anderson swaggers when they occupy the gym together, her flirty smirk as she greets people as she walks down hallways. Ellie recognizes another lesbian player when she sees one, and she knew for a fact how popular Anderson was with other girls. And more than anything, Ellie knows how beautiful you are. She knows that anyone within five feet of you would be delusional not to want a chance. 

Anderson’s not her type… Anderson is not her fucking type… What the hell is she doing? She can do a whole lot fucking better… 

Ellie’s thoughts unravel as she wonders about what Anderson was saying that was making you laugh so much. She obsesses over the way you were touching her arm, how your fingers brushed over her muscled bicep. She torments herself about what you were letting her do to you at this very moment. 

I just… I just fucking saw her a couple of days ago… She’s single, she looked fucking single… 

Were you spending the night at her place this evening? Were you all dolled up today just to see her? Is Anderson taking you out on a date tonight or is she bringing you straight to her bedroom? Has she touched you already today? Has she kissed those cherry-flavoured lips of yours once more yet? Is she lifting your dress over your head or are you doing it for her? Is she kissing your neck as her fingers make their way down into your underwear to— 

Ellie sits up all of a sudden, yelling in frustration and hurling her switchblade across the room. She breathes heavily as she stares at her knife now fastened securely into the drywall, halfway stuck resulting from a throw a little too vigorous. 

“Fuck me.” Ellie huffs, disgruntled, not by the damaged wall, but by the jealousy smoldering within her. 

Why? 

Ellie picks up her half-empty mug of booze and chugs it. As droplets of whiskey dribble down her chin, she glances at the painted birds on her now-empty mug. 

Joel had bought it during a trip to a thrift store when she was 14 after she’d begged him to get it for her. Every time before the school year started, she’d always be sure to pack it to take with her, a piece of home. It was her favourite mug and it reminded her of her father. 

She missed him. She wished she was back home in Jackson with him right now, away from these problems. Life felt so much more simple when it was just her and Joel, just the two of them against the rest of the world. But she was no longer 14 and no longer an innocent. 

Ellie sighs. She deliberates for a moment or two. Maybe she could call Joel, tell him what was going on. He knew her best, besides Dina and Jesse. He usually steered her in the right direction, whether it was in a way she initially agreed with or not. 

In the end, Ellie decides against it. Explaining lesbianism to a well-meaning but clueless 60-something-year-old man was hard enough. Having to illustrate the current state of her love life? Ellie didn’t have the time or patience to describe to her father how lesbian situationships worked, much less what a “situationship” was. She’d give him a brain aneurysm within thirty seconds of her explanation. 

She also thinks back to the last conversation she had with Joel about you. He’d given her yet another caring but stern lecture before she headed back to campus for this school year. She knows deep down exactly how her father felt about you. Is that what she wanted to hear right now? 

Ellie lets herself fall back onto the bed, pulling her phone out of her pocket once her head hit her pillow. She swipes away yet another text from Daniela without bothering to skim it and opens up Instagram. Almost instinctively, she switches over from her main account to a separate one.  

For the first three months after you and Ellie fell out, you had her number and all her socials blocked. She hadn’t exactly tried to reach out to you during that time, but she hadn’t been able to resist the temptation to lurk. She’d treated it like she was defusing a bomb: she’d delicately open up social media, hastily type in your name, only to be abruptly greeted with blank screens. She wasn’t surprised. But whether out of pure curiosity or masochism, she’d continued this routine of searching your username on different platforms just to stare at nothing for a couple of minutes. 

Ellie wasn’t sure what had suddenly prompted you to one day unblock her from everything. For a while, she waited to see if this meant anything, if you were going to reach out to her in some kind of way. But after a few days of nothing, she accepted the continued, albeit unblocked, silence. She wasn’t naive; she never expected you to come back to her. At least she could still snoop in peace. 

Though not exactly adept with social media, Ellie wasn’t stupid. When she wanted to look at your Instagram page, she did so through a fake, secret account that she’d made solely for that purpose. It felt pitiful to do so, at least at first. But she’d known you had no intention of speaking to her again, and therefore no longer needed to impress you; so she swallowed the feelings of shame and self-disgust every time. 

Switching over to a blank account with the user name “br!ck_master2013” that has 2 followers (both of which were bot profiles) and was following 0 accounts, Ellie types in your username by heart in the search bar. She scans your Instagram page for any changes. You don’t update it often; your last post is from early the previous summer and is just pictures of your family cat Clementine who had passed away. 

A purple and orange circle dances around your icon, indicating you’ve posted something on your story within the last 24 hours. She let out an agitated breath before pressing her thumb onto the mirror selfie you’d set as your profile picture. 

There are four stories: the first is from 22 hours ago and was a fan art post of a video game she knew you liked, the second is from 18 hours ago and was a picture of the mocha frappe Dina had gotten you the day prior with a caption thanking and tagging Dina, the third is from 15 hours ago of a post that read, “Don’t Want To See Trans People? Gouge Out Your Eyes” (prompting her to chuckle to herself), and the fourth is from this morning. Ellie’s breathing hitches. 

It was a selfie you’d taken in your bathroom before you left for class. You’d captioned it with “fuck mondays but at least i’m cute,” an understatement in Ellie’s eyes. She was only permitted a minute to gaze at you in person earlier today, and it was from several feet away. A picture doesn’t amount to the real thing, but at least she can fully drink you in with her ocean green eyes this time, completely at her leisure. 

You were wearing that same pretty, floral sundress, the sweater you were wearing earlier missing from your ensemble in the photograph. She doesn't recognize the dress, so she figures it must be new. Ellie thinks it looked like it was made for you, the way it fits you so perfectly. 

She then dares to stare at your face. Even after all these years, she revels in how flawlessly you were always able to have your makeup complement your appearance. It was a gift, really, how you used colours to, not create your beauty, but accentuate it. And you seemed to have gotten even better at it now. 

Ellie keeps taking in your image for what feels like a hundred years until your Instagram story closes out on her. She blinks and then sighs. 

There’s no way Anderson hasn’t made a move on her already. 

Ellie reaches underneath her bed and grabs her laptop. She knows what she was about to do pushed her even further into loser lesbian territory, but she had passed the point of caring long, long ago. She opens up her laptop and clicks on the Spotify application on her desktop. 

The window pops up to display a few recommended albums and playlists. Scrolling past her most recently listened to song (“Novacane” by Frank Ocean), she clicks on the little icon on the top right that says “Friend Activity.” A sidebar opens up to reveal icons of a handful of Ellie’s friends. And of you. 

When you’d blocked Ellie from everything, she guessed correctly that you wouldn’t think of blocking her on something as trivial as a music app. Most people in your generation didn’t really pay much attention to these stupid little details. But Ellie did. And she was thankful you didn’t. 

Ignoring what songs the rest of her friends were listening to at the moment, she looked for your icon to see what you were playing. According to the tiny grey letters next to your picture, you were listening to “decode” by some artist named Sabrina Carpenter. 

Ellie chuckles quietly. You had a rather wide variety in music taste, always having been musically inclined. But you weren’t immune to enjoying and fixating on what she would call “generic, top 40 pop straight girl music.” She’d tease you about this relentlessly, to which you would respond by turning the song up even louder and belting your heart out to it. Even though it was in the act of defying her, Ellie always noted internally what a pretty voice you had when you sang. 

She figures that this artist was your current new fixation. She grabs her spare earphones from the drawer of her bedside table, plugging them into her laptop. She clicks on the song you're still listening to and lets it play. As the song progresses, Ellie feels her heart sink. 

♫ You're good at the fallin', not the stayin' there / You're good at the givin' too much, then gettin' scared

You're good at impersonating someone who cares / And you had me for a minute there ♫

Ellie shifts her laptop to one side and rolls to the other, allowing the music to continue in her ears. 

♫ But now I wonder why / I let your confusion keep me up at night 

I'm so tired / Reread every single undertone ♫ 

Ellie sighs, hooking an arm underneath her pillow, clutching it tightly as she clenches her jaw. 

♫ There's a weight off my shoulders now that I don't chase you / Bein' myself, did that emasculate you? 

Learnin' from you that I can walk away too / And you had me for a minute too ♫

Ellie frowns, closing her eyes, allowing the song to envelop her in shame. 

♫ Now I wonder why / I let your confusion keep me up at night 

I'm so tired / Reread every single undertone and I—♫ 

“Yo, Williams—” A voice interrupts with a knock on her bedroom door. 

Ellie shoots up from her bed, earphones tearing out from her ears. 

“What?” Ellie answers, irritated. 

Jesse’s head pokes itself through the doorway. His expression turned into amusement once he saw hers of annoyance.  

“Oh, sorry, dude. Did I wake you?” 

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” Ellie lies, relaxing a little and tapping the spacebar to pause the song. “What’s up?” 

Jesse scans her features further. He took a step in, leaning against the doorframe. 

“You alright?” 

“All good, dude,” She says, closing her laptop and hopping off her bed. “Was just having a bad dream.” 

Jesse considers this when his eyes wander to Ellie’s knife sticking out of the wall. 

“Bro.” He says, pointing to it. 

“It was a really bad dream, alright?” She shrugs. 

“Els,” He groans. “If we don’t get our security deposit back—“ 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll fix it.” She says, crossing her arms. “What did you want?” 

“You got a second? Got someone here who wants to buy.” 

Ellie sighs. 

“Yeah, okay. They good?” 

“Should be.” Jesse confirms. 

“Fine.” Ellie replies, standing up straighter and rolling up the sleeves to her flannel. 

“Cool. You might have actually met him the other night.” Jesse jabs his thumb towards the living room, beckoning her to follow him. 

“The other night?” Ellie questions, trailing after. 

“Yeah, he was with us at the diner after the party.” 

“Wait, what?” 

Before Jesse can answer, Ellie’s eyes fall on who Jesse had brought into their apartment. Wearing a backwards cap, a plain navy blue t-shirt & khakis, their visitor looks like every other standard, forgettable college frat boy. 

But Ellie didn’t forget. In fact, Ellie remembers exactly who he was quite well. 

“You remember Adam?” Jesse asks.

“Man, really? Didn’t clock you as a queer.” 

“Yeah,” Ellie answers, eyes seeing red and hands balling up in fists. “Yeah, I remember you.”

author’s notes:

okay so part of why this took me so long to write and why it also took a lot of convincing on my own part to post is cause i was writing it from ellie's perspective and that was a lot harder than i thought!! didn't plan it to be this way tbh but that's what flowed and well, here it is!

i hope all the college descriptions i’ve been writing have been realistic enough! i had a messy collegiate experience myself and i ended up dropping out after a few years, so i’m just trying to write from experiences from so many years ago (i legit researched what kind of classes aspiring astronauts need to take cause we know our girl wants to go up in space).

the birds on ellie's mug are just references to a couple of my gf's favourite birds (she's an avid bird watcher and she loves birds hehe)!

also idk why i know ellie's a whiskey drinker, but god i just know she is. what butch lesbian is not a whiskey drinker (just from personal experience, don't kill me).

you get a gold star if you got that "brick master" reference ♡︎

i also don't know why i know ellie would listen to frank ocean, but god her loser ass would be LISTENINGGGG to frank ocean. thank you also to everyone for bearing with me and my current sabrina carpenter phase rn ♡︎

does anyone else still look at their friends activity on spotify or is that just me. i love seeing what my friends are up to! i use the airbuds app too, i feel so involved. yeah, that is a pic of me from many years ago as reader's tiny little icon the spotify pic, that's the most y'all get as a pic of me rn sdklfjsd

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriessxinthespring, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, @elliesnoviecita, @digit4lslut, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky, @qtefolleunpez, @libr4sonsa, @17luv, @robinismywifee, @villainousbear, @ashlynnnnnnnn15, @scarlettadore, @vianna99, @g0n3girls, @totheblood, @embermdk, @awyunh, @kenz-ee, @marvelwomen-simp

[melrodrigo]

Tardy, part 8

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11

Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Summary: An unexpected family member reveal sends you spiraling, will anyone trust you now?

Warnings: Angst that turns into fluff, mention of violence, mention of sex

Word Count 2.6k

A/N: I was dying writing this chapter (both physically and mentally) but I think the writers block is gone! Thank you for 600 followers!! As always, love u guys, and tell me what you think <33

“Mom, who’s my dad?” You asked absentmindedly, legs swinging from your living room couch.

“All the other kids at school know who their dad is, who’s mine?” You continued, blissfully unaware of the tension you had just created.

Your mom turned sharply, cigarette between her lips as she spoke.

“Oh, sweetie. Your dad’s gone. It’s just you and me now.” She said as she brought the lighter up and ignited the cigarette.

“What do you mean he’s gone?” You’d asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Your mom lets out a frustrated huff before she answers again.

“I don’t know, he’s just gone. Okay? He left town. Would you leave this topic alone now?” She sounded annoyed, and you don’t want to upset her any further, so you nodded quickly and turned your attention back to the TV screen.

“Okay, Ma.”

-

You flash back into another memory, this time you’re older; freshly graduated from high school, ready to move across the country to start university.

You’ve bid your farewells to friends and relatives, promising you’ll come visit every year.

Your mom’s pulling you aside looking at you weirdly. She’s getting old, you can tell by the increasing wrinkles on her face every day.

She smiles softly, and you think she looks like the sweetest grandma ever.

“Honey, I want you to know something. About your dad.”

You raise an eyebrow, mouth dropping slightly.

Your dad has always been a touchy subject for your mom, she’s never really allowed herself to tell you the full story.

Sure, as you’ve gotten older, you’ve learned bits and pieces. He was a dirtbag, leaving your mom right after she gave birth. You’d also learned that you were born in a small town called Woodsboro but had been whisked away almost immediately.

Your mom sighs now, and everything suddenly feels very heavy.

“I just tried so hard to be both parents for you, I know it wasn’t fair to keep this from you for so long. But if you’re ready to learn who your dad is, I’m ready to tell.” She says, voice cracking only the tiniest bit. You can see how strong she’s trying to be.

You suddenly see your whole childhood flash before your eyes. Your mom sending you off and picking you up every day after school. Making meals for the two of you every night, working overtime to support the family.

“No Ma. It’s okay. I already have a dad, and his name is you.” You say, pointing to her heart.

She opens her mouth but you cut in before she can say anything.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need a dad when I have you.” You say, and you mean it wholeheartedly.

Your mother swells with happiness and takes you in a big hug. Wraps her arms around your shoulders.

“Be safe, honey.” She whispers into your ear.

-

You splutter, staring at the page in front of you with a jumble of letters that don’t look like coherent words anymore.

No…it couldn’t be?

There’s no way your dad was Stu Fucking Macher.

It doesn’t feel like you expected it would, finding out who your real father is. Years and years of endless crying; wondering why and why and why.

Every moment has led up to this.

This light, breakable paper in your palms. It’s telling you all you’ve ever wanted to hear, and yet somehow it’s also the thing you need to hear the least.

There’s quick flashes of déjà vu as you stare at the name.

Blood; lots of it. Splattered on the ceiling, all over your body. Screams, loud and clear as day, piercing through your eardrums and starting a ringing sound.

You snap back into reality as Sam steps up to you.

You brace yourself for the worse, you wouldn’t be mad if Sam kicked you out bare into the street right then and there, hell, she could hurt you and you wouldn’t even be mad.

She raises her hand but the impact never comes. Instead, she kneels down to you and holds your shoulders tight.

“It’s okay. I know it’s hard.” She says, soft. Her lips are pulled into a frown but her eyes are sorrowful.

“It’s- it’s okay?” Tara splutters, staring between you and her sister. Flabbergasted would be a minuet way to describe her expression.

“Yes. It’s okay. Can everyone leave the room for a minute? I want to talk to YN.” Sam says, and everyone heeds her orders; shuffling down through the living room hallway.

You stare at Sam, eyebrows knit tight together. She’s hated you since you the day you met, and now she’s the one protecting you?

“Why?” You ask, curiosity seeping through your voice.

“Everyone here has been through something.” She says, biting her lip. “And believe me, if anyone knows about being framed as the bad guy, it’s me.”

She hesitates a little before she opens her mouth again.

“Let’s not pretend that everyone here doesn’t have immensely traumatic things happen to them. Me and Tara…well we know about that. But Mindy and Anika and Chad? You wouldn’t believe the stories I’ve heard from them.” She says, twiddling with her thumbs.

“What if I’m actually the killer?” You press, gauging Sam’s reaction.

She tuts and answers sharply.

“I don’t believe for a second that you are.”

It takes you aback, her being so sure about it. You stay quiet, try to think of anything to say.

You can’t, it’s all too much information to get.

“How can you know that?” You say finally, tilting your head up to make eye contact with Sam.

She pats your back lightly. “You’re a good person YN. We can all tell.”

“We’re a family. One fucked up family, but family all the same. Including you.” She says, voice sure.

You hold eye contact for a while, a silent conversation being spoken. Setting aside all your differences, Sam was actually a really cool person. And you can tell she feels the same way.

Before you know it she’s out down the same hallway the group left in.

You’re sat on the couch, mouth open and eyes glazed.

Huh.

“YN? Mind if I come in?” Tara’s voice sounds from in front of you. You can’t decipher what the tone is.

“Yeah…yeah of course.” You answer, watching as Tara enters and stands before you.

You can’t handle her intense stare, and you drop your head immediately. Anxiety floods you, heart picking up speed.

You don’t notice her until she’s right in front of you, taking your cheeks in her hands. Stroking, softly.

10 minutes ago she was mad, and now she’s comforting you? This girl and her mixed signals.

“I believe you.” She murmurs, leaning down to press her lips on your cheek. She’s so short that even when you’re sitting down you’re almost the same height.

You don’t want to think about any of this now, you don’t want to think about it ever. You want to tell Tara this, but you can’t bring yourself to speak.

Your throat feels dry, eyes slightly teary.

“So what do we do now?” You whisper.

She continues stroking your face fondly, cradles you in her arms.

“We continue with the plan.” She says, and there’s a sense of finality in it that makes you shiver.

-

They’ve pushed back the date on their plan to capture Ghostface a little bit. Tara won’t admit it, but you know she’s the one who suggested it. She must think you need time to process the sudden father reveal, no doubt.

It’s sweet, but she’s wrong. In fact, right now all you need is a distraction. Something to take your mind off all the racing thoughts through your head, the sense of betrayal you feel.

Maybe I should call my mom.

“Hey. Whatcha thinking bout?” A voice sounds from behind you. It’s Anika, and you send her a soft smile; feeling weirdly glad to be in her company.

“Oh nothing much. Just about how my dad was one of the original Ghostfaces and that we’re literally running straight into danger in a few days.” You say, trying to make your voice sound light and teasing.

Anika seems to pick up on the underlying message, and you hear her sigh a little before speaking.

She rounds the couch to come sit down beside you, a pack of medical supplies in her arms. She splays it across the table and turns back to face you.

“If it makes you feel any better, I know what it’s like to have a rough family. My parents were…dipshits to say the least.” She says, casually.

Oh.

You try and think of something appropriate to say in response, but your brain seizes up and it goes blank.

“But you don’t have to feel bad for me. I have a new family now.” She continues, smiling at you; genuine crinkles at the tips of her eyes. She pats your back lightly.

“Just so you know, I don’t think you’re the killer. Who cares if your dad is Ghostface? It’s not like this is the first time it’s happened in our friend group. I trust you, really.”

It’s enough to make you teary-eyed again. You look away, hoping she can’t see them.

“Thank you.” You mumble. “That means a lot to me.”

She chuckles warmly before taking you in a hug. You guys don’t say anything the rest of the time she fixes up your wound.

-

“Are you blushing?” Tara asks immediately when Anika leaves the room, footsteps light.

“What? No, I’m not.” You say, running a hand through your hair.

“Did she make you blush?” She’s asking, a teasing smile on her lips.

You frown.

“She just said some very nice things to me, okay?” You huff, cross your arms like a child.

“Aw, baby. You look adorable.” She murmurs, giving you a peck on the lips.

“Are you not jealous?” You ask, cocking an eyebrow at her.

She brings a finger to her lips and feigns thoughtfulness. Then she smiles wide and takes your lips in a searing kiss.

“No.” She mumbles against them. “Because I know you’re mine. And I can definitely make you do a lot more than blush.”

It’s enough to make you flush completely red. You let out a little whine at her words.

“See?” She’s asking as she leans back, a smirk on her lips. You try and wipe it off by wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her in for another kiss.

She’s not wrong. But you’re not going to admit that. It’s a fatal flaw, really. How easily you relent when it comes to Tara. You’d die for her, you’d kill for her, and she knows it.

“Come on,” She’s whispering. “Let’s go to my room.”

You pull back, amused.

“I don’t think I can even stand and you’re asking me to do what?” You ask pointedly.

She tugs on your shirt, obviously not in the mood to play one of your games right now.

“Then maybe I’ll just take you right here.” She whispers into your ear, laughing as you shiver beneath her.

You gulp, stare at her with big eyes. She crawls forward, leaning her elbows into your sides on instinct.

You can’t help but wince.

It seems to break Tara out of her lustful haze, because now she’s looking at you with worried eyes.

She’s getting up kind of panicky, fiddling with her hands.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I should let you sleep.” She says, sort of fast, words tumbling out of her.

You smile at her, grip her hands tight.

“It’s okay, Tara. Although, I do want to hit the hay for a while. Care to join me?” You invite, tugging her closer slightly to make sure she doesn’t leave.

She grins shyly and nods.

“Okay.” She says, biting the inside of her cheek. She’s the cutest with the excitement that radiates off her.

-

When you wake, Tara’s not in your arms anymore. You stir, rubbing your eyes aggressively.

“Tara?” You groan, trying to look around the weirdly dim room for any sign of your girlfriend.

You notice the candles immediately, more than a dozen of them lining the table and making a little pathway to the fireplace.

Your girlfriend appears in front of you now, wearing a little white sundress; one you’d specifically bought for her weeks ago.

She looks so good, you almost start drooling. Like an angel, the way she’s standing and staring at you, playful, excited gaze.

“I was wondering when you were going to wake up.” She grins, bending down to press a kiss to your cheek.

“What is all this?” You question, looking around the room in further inspection.

There are two plates set up quite nicely on the dining table, along with a bottle of champagne and a single flower in the middle.

It’s all so, romantic.

Tara twirls, and gives you a little show of her dress. Then she takes your hand and gently helps you up, leading you to the dining room with her.

“I never got to take you on a date. I think it’s time I return the favor.” She says, nodding along to her sentence; like a reassurance.

“You’re adorable.“ You say, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. She blushes a little.

“Thank you.” She mumbles.

The smell as you enter the dining room is mouth-watering. You recognize it immediately. It’s your favorite pasta, ravioli with white wine and tomatoes.

Tara’s an amazing cook, you know this already. But the flavors that explode in your mouth when you take a bite out of it are otherworldly.

“This is the best thing you’ve ever cooked.” You speak through stuffed cheeks, eyes wide and happy.

Tara picks up a piece of her own and eats it.

“I didn’t know what to make you, so I called your mom. She said this was your favorite, so I went on youtube and tried to replicate the recipe.” She says, somewhat shyly.

You beam.

“You called my mom?” You ask, teasingly. Boop her on the nose. You celebrate internally when you see her flush red.

“Yeah, it was no biggie. Just a phone call.” She disregards, biting her bottom lip to try and stop the color that’s overtaking her whole face.

She reaches forward to grab another piece of ravioli before she stops short and gasps.

“Oh! I almost forgot to give you these.” Tara says, reaching behind her chair for something. She pulls out a huge bouquet of flowers, filled with your favorites.

You don’t try and hide the surprise in your face, mouth open and gaping.

She slaps your arm lightly at your reaction.

“Hey! I can be romantic too you know.”

You nod sarcastically.

“Oh yeah no doubt no doubt.” You say, taking the bouquet from her hands in favor of bending over the table and kissing her.

“Thank you, baby.” You say against her lips. She smiles wide, scrunching her nose as she pulls back.

“You taste like pasta!” She’s giggling, pushing you back into your chair.

You finish the dinner in record time, and that’s due entirely to how good the meal was. You and Tara sit and talk for a little while before moving to the floor to watch a movie.

Tara’s annoyingly secretive about it, not letting you see whatever she’s setting up. You huff and go grab snacks from the fridge instead.

When you get back it’s to the TV covered, and there’s a small projector at the side shining light on a random bed sheet she’s hung vertically.

“Impressive speed.” You praise.

Tara’s sitting smugly, arms open and inviting you to come sit.

It’s playing 10 Things I Hate About You, one of your all-time favorite movies. You settle down into the spot next to her and sneak a glance over, but she’s already staring at you; hard.

You let out a breath of happiness and pull her closer by the waist. Kiss her on the forehead, murmur against her skin.

“Thank you for this. I needed it.”

She nods into you and pulls you impossibly closer.

“Of course.” She says.

You decide Ghostface can wait, your dad can wait. All that matters right now is Tara. Her and this movie and you.

The only three things that exist in the world.

[foundfam2754]

S17e6 live reactions!

Spoilers...obviously

i'm kinda nervous to watch this because i saw someone's post on e6 before this on garvez and they weren't happy... let's see because we're def getting pen and luke interaction this ep bc of the whole tyler ex gf thing

i'm like 95% confident that this is a dream...

okay def a dream because luke is hurt

reminds me of that dream spence had close to the end of s15

what a strange song to have emily sing

okay even dream dead emily is sad :( bring her back from the dead pls (again)

yep... dream

poor papa pasta :(

emily singing will haunt me forever

i like how CM can be scary when it wants to be

aw even after 20 years, emily, jj and pen will be my favorite trio

OH MY GOD rossi's really feeling the trauma

wait this is so sad :(

you're not fine, dave. none of you are fine. PG had the right idea leaving the BAUwh

jj what are you getting at????? luke? i kinda wish it was about luke, but i knew it was about emily

beige, wasting time, and bad kissing?? why is that so penelope garcia coded?

god jj just takes care of everyone but herself, mamabear!jj is my fav

Penelope, pls don't be jealous, he's not worth it

how are garvez so normal after last week? at least their friendship is never in question

why is it awkward luke? because you're in love with pen?

okay i don't mind me some greencia banter, but they did NOT date

jfc dave needs a therapist

aww tara's the best man

kinda love the team knows each other so well, they can talk and listen without words. it's kinda beautiful

OH MY GOD i kinda predicted what tara said about "sitting quietly"

you're safe dave, we promise. we all love u

jj don't make it darker i can barely see the show as it is

i love high!emily, man

i will be using emily's chopsticks trick going forward

"delicious but insufferable" is my new catchphrase

"emily elizabeth prentiss"

super hot latino/a is penelope's type too ;)

damn pen's is roasting him and i kinda love it

i like the parallel of garvez interrogating teresa and tyler about the relationship - i know they have different purposes for doing so, but in my opinion still keeps them connected in a way - so i'll take what i can get

tara's right

luke looks so impressed and kinda turned on by pen's hacking primer - i love it; i know it's just adam, not scripted, but i appreciate that kirsten and adam keep us happy and delulu

"new friend"

i just realized this is the ultimate love square (pen, luke, teresa, tyler)

WHY are you talking about the "sticky chemistry"

penelope's a lot mature than she's acting about this, i mean they are all in their 30-40's and should be able to be honest about their FEEELINGS

god I love how much luke hates tyler

chaotic emily is kinda terrifying

"just run through the field and catch all that rye" HAHAH FUCKING LOVE YOU EMILY

emily you know she loves cheetos why would you leave them out

lmao high!jj

oh this is the elevator scene from the trailer where the walls collapse in

this show can be very scary when it wants to be (hasn't been for me in a while because i rewatch and know what's gonna happen)- and I like that they're leaning into it

lol are they hinting that they were both attracted to tyler because they have grief-related trauma and he's a good, desperate short-term solution

oh my god they were not dating

OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT LUKE AND TYLER HATE EACH OTHER

sir, agent alvez sir, need i remind you that only 7 years ago you were also the lone wolf type?

"rattle off a list of your victims you know, besides penelope and teresa" GO OFF LUKE ALVEZ OMG

this is weirdly hot

"ever take matters into your own hands, luke?" is that a thinly-veiled comment about the fact that everyone knows about his feelings but he is yet to do anything about it yet? or am i too much of a garvez shipper and i'm reading garvez into every pen or luke interaction on this show

aw ex bf and boyf bonding!

"who have you pissed off recently?" lol besides you lukey?

why is voit doing sit-ups? man, he is weird

why don't they call him "Lee?" i feel like it would affect him more

62!?

god voit's a good profiler

elias has strong daddy issues and i think he needs dave's approval

what is he repressing? krystall?

oh my god voit's such a good villain

yeah man, don't date tyler if you don't want your trust violated or safety threateneed

oh my god are jj and em gonna fight?

no don't tease a relationship between teresa and luke please i can't

OMG, we finally got a GARVEZ confession!!!

"she knows i love her" luke you're breaking my heart, he sounded so sad :(

but also --- does she know? y'all never said it... and she needs the words said to her. she's not great with subtext, luke

i love that teresa's not letting him excuse his feelings or his inaction

GOD NO DO NOT DATE EACH OTHER I CAN'T TAKE LUKE DATING SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT NOW PLS

no elias, you ARE a fan boy

"honestly" "trust me" those words don't mean anything coming from you elias

god guys you're so much smarter than him, please stop trusting him PLEASE

"this was fun, dave!" god elias just likes fucking with them

yay!! tyler character development

i simultaneously love and hate this tyler / luke bromance

"we are stronger than anyone gives us credit for" YES SO TRUE I LOVE THESE TWO WITH ALL MY HEART

"it gives me you" aw, jemily fans are gonna lose their mind aren't they, but also they're my fav bff duo

"let's fucking go" LOVE YOU EMILY SO HARD

wtf teresa; oh my god this love square is going to kill me

"north star is us, the BAU" DAMN that's powerful

[unpopularwriter25]

Heyoo~ I'm not sure if you're going to accept making Yoriichi Tsugikuni x reincarnated! Reader or nah, but I'mma gunna send u my idea anyways!!

Same concept as my first Tanjiro x reincarnated! Reader. Except this time, Reader is Gen-Z, take no bullshit, vines, memes, and running on energy drink 24/7 (or night owl in this case). Imagine her knowing about the Tsugikuni Twins problems and tries to make those two bond together. Also please note: Yoriichi & Reader is childhood friends/fiance (arranged marriage stuff)

Gen-Z! Reincarnated! Reader is the best support girl and 10/10 WILL throw down anyone who insults Yoriichi. And honestly I just wanna know what's Yoriichi's expression will be like with a girl like Reader 😂. That, and I wanna a lot of whole some of Yoriichi and Reader.

Also if you can't make Yoriichi, that's fine, you can change the character to Giyuu if you find it hard to write Yoriichi. Thank youuuu <33

Also I'm now 100000% ur fan. 💌

Sorry for the delay!! You're feeding me the best demon slayer request and I'm completely here for it!! lol. I hope this is what you wanted and I hope you enjoy!! Thanks again for the requests!!

Memes, Energy Drinks, and Samurai: The Tale of a Gen-Z Girl Reincarnated

Summary: When a modern-day Gen-Z girl, Y/N, is suddenly reincarnated into the era of the Tsugikuni twins, she brings her take-no-bullshit attitude, love for memes, and boundless energy along with her. As she navigates this ancient world with the memories of her past life intact, she becomes childhood friends and fiancée to the stoic Yoriichi Tsugikuni. Determined to mend the fractured bond between Yoriichi and his estranged brother Michikatsu, Y/N uses her modern wit and fierce loyalty to bridge the gap between them.

Warnings: Language??

Word Count: 1,504

Y/N was an ordinary Gen-Z girl from the modern world. She was known for her vibrant personality, her love for memes, vines, and a perpetually optimistic outlook on life. She was a night owl, often staying up late, fueled by energy drinks, and scrolling through social media or binging on the latest trends.

Y/N was fiercely protective of her friends and family, always ready to stand up for what she believed in. Her "take-no-bullshit" attitude made her a reliable and formidable friend. Despite her seemingly carefree demeanor, she had a deep sense of responsibility and loyalty.

She's not exactly sure how she died, it's all a blur to her. She didn't even realize she had been reincarnated into a world vastly different from her own until she hit 20 years old. Before that point, she was completely at a lost.

From a young age in this new world, Y/N exhibited the same fierce personality and boundless energy she had in her past life. She quickly became known for her eccentric behavior and her strange, yet endearing, mannerisms. It wasn't long before she caught the eye of the Tsugikuni family, especially young Yoriichi.

It wasn't long before the two became very close. Y/N was constantly standing up for Yoriichi, she didn't stand for people being mean to him. Both of their families aknowldege their closeness and decided that once they were both of age they were to be married.

A few years have passed since this time, Y/N was now 20 years old and she was engaged to Yoriichi. She continued to feel out of place but that didn't stop her, she was still known around the village for her strange behavior, but the majority of them adored her. She constantly referenced things that made no sense to those around her, she didn't even realize where they came from.

Y/N would call him dude or bro. Yoriichi would look at her and be like "I'm your fiancée. Please do not call me bro?? Whatever that means." Y/N would nod "Sorry bro, shit, sorry dude, FUCK."

One day while she was training with Yoriichi, she developed a throbbing headache followed by her eyes getting all blurry, she felt like everything was spinning. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get it to stop. She collapsed, overwhelmed by everything. Yoriichi rushed to her side, and when she came to, she remembered everything, everything about her past life. The realization was both shocking and comforting. She understood now why she felt so out of place, yet so familiar with certain things and people.

From that point on Y/N's behavior became more like her past life's behavior. She also just started dabbing at the most random times. Yoriichi would witness this and be like "What was that? " Y/N would shrug "It's called a dab and it felt needed in this situation." She even figured out how to make a DIY energy drink. Did it taste good? No. It was effective though. Yoriichi got a whiff of it one time and said it smelled like death. "Yeah it tastes like it too, but it makes me feel fuckin fantastic." she'd respond while chugging another one, slamming it down. "Woooh! Let's go kill some demons!" Yoriichi has to suppress his smile, he has to be the mature one in this relationship.

Since Y/N didn't have her phone anymore, she would just draw the most random memes on paper by memory. Yoriichi would find these random drawings throughout the house. "Why is this cat playing a piano? That's not possible." Y/N would facepalm "It's a meme." "Y/N cats don't have fingers, they can't play the piano."

Since Y/N was a no-bullshit kind of person she wasn't afraid to call someone out for being a dick, especially if it was directed to Yoriichi. For real, she'll throat punch someone for him...and she 100% has. Yoriichi asked her how she did that and to teach him that maneuver. Most people know not to fuck with her, but sometimes she'll come across someone that wants to test her...Yoriichi will stand back and watch her break them down with her words...or with her first, you know... in case the words don't work. He absolutely adores his crazy fiancée.

Y/N can also be a very caring person, specifically to the people she cares about the most. One night while Yoriichi and Y/N were outside their house. Sitting down, watching the stars, and enjoying the cool breeze. Y/N decided to speak up about something that has been on her mind. She glanced over at her husband. "Can I talk to you about something?" He looks at her, with a small smile. "Of course my love. What's on your mind?"

"I mean this in the best way possible and I say it out of love, but you need to stop being a bitch and talk to Michikatsu." Yoriichi pauses.."Did you...did you just call me a bitch?" he asked in disbelief. Y/N covers her face "Bruh, you're missing my point. Michikatsu is your brother and you two need to talk about your little feelings or some shit with each other."

Yoriichi is trying to process her language, and he shakes his head. "How do you suppose I do that? I'm assuming you have something in mind?" Y/N glances up at him smiling. "Uh-huh. C'mon, I know where he's training." She stands up, pulling him with her.

Y/N dragged Yoriichi to a secluded spot where she knew Michikatsu often trained. Sure enough, there he was, practicing his swordsmanship under the moonlight.

"Oi, Michikatsu!" Y/N called out, hands cupped around her mouth. "Get your broody ass over here!"

Michikatsu stopped mid-swing, turning to glare at Y/N. "What do you want, Y/N?"

"I want you two to talk. Like, actually talk, about your feelings and shit" she said, pushing Yoriichi forward. "You both are driving me fuckin nuts with this silent treatment crap. Y'all need to bond, and I'm here to make sure it happens.

Michikatsu gives Y/N a look and then looks at Yoriichi. "Your fiancée is as charming as ever."

Yoriichi glares at him, "Do not disrespect her brother."

Michikatsu sighed, sheathing his sword. "There's nothing to talk about."

Y/N marched up to him, jabbing a finger into his chest. "Bullshit. There's always something to talk about. Now sit your ass down and start talking."

To Yoriichi's surprise, Michikatsu actually complied, albeit grudgingly. The three of them sat in a circle, and for a moment, there was silence.

Y/N broke it with a vine reference. "So, I hear you’re the ‘Sad Boi’ of the family, Michikatsu. Care to elaborate?"

Both brothers looked at her, confusion evident on their faces. She sighed dramatically. "Okay, fine. In simpler terms, why the long face?"

Michikatsu looked at Yoriichi, then back at Y/N. "It's complicated."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "Everything's complicated. But you don't see me sulking about it. Just... talk to each other. You guys are twins for crying out loud. You're supposed to have that twin telepathy thing."

Yoriichi finally spoke up, his voice soft. "Michikatsu... I miss the bond we used to have."

Y/N nodded "That's real good" She turned to Michikatsu "Now how does that make you feel?"

Michikatsu rolled his eyes "Is she going to be doing this the entire time?" Before Yoriichi could answer. Y/N started "Yeah I am. So stop your bitching and answered the fucking question."

Michikatsu's expression softened, and he looked down. "I... I miss it too. But things have changed."

Y/N smirked, cracking open another one of her homemade energy drinks. "Then change them back. It's not rocket science." She chugs the energy drink. "Wooh! Brotherly love! I'm gonna go get another one. You two keep sharing your feelings and all that good shit." She gets up and heads back to their house.

Michikatsu stared after her "You're marrying an absolute maniac." Yoriichi eyes lingered on her as she walked away. "Yeah, I'm well aware of that."

Throughout this entire ordeal, Yoriichi's expression was one of quiet amusement and deep appreciation. He was used to Y/N's antics and her fierce loyalty. Her presence was a constant reminder that he wasn’t alone, even in the most challenging times. Her determination to see him happy and her readiness to throw down anyone who insulted him made his heart swell with gratitude.

Seeing Y/N standing up to Michikatsu, unafraid and full of vigor, brought a rare, genuine smile to Yoriichi’s face. Her modern quirks and relentless energy were a stark contrast to his calm demeanor, but it was exactly what he needed.

After hours of talking, laughter, and even some tears, the twins began to mend their broken bond. Y/N watched them with a satisfied grin, knowing she had done her job. As they stood to leave, Yoriichi gently took her hand, his eyes reflecting the moonlight.

"Thank you, Y/N. For everything."

She squeezed his hand, her smile bright. "Anytime, Yoriichi. After all, what am I here for if not to kick some sense into stubborn brothers?"

[cellias]

ok yes the “she met a pinecone’s fate” felt so mean and out of place with the empathetic Percy we see in the book’s narrative BUT !!

when rewatching the scene my attention was brought back to what annabeth says before that— “she fought valiantly and met a hero’s fate.” i remember thinking about how brainwashed (for lack of a better word) annabeth is. she respects the gods immensely at this point in her life, all she wants is for her mother to notice her, because that’s all she knows. her father let the emotional neglect go so far that she ran away at seven years old, and her mother only communicates with her a few times.

her idea of a hero is the willingness to self-sacrifice, and the bearing of tragedy in life, but this idea disregards the fact that had the gods been more attentive and present, thalia wouldn’t have had to do sacrifice her life. her concept of a hero’s fate ignores the unjust fact that thalia was only recognized by her father in death and is hyper-focused on the honor that it is to be given a god’s time of day. we also see annabeth holding the gods to a high esteem later in the episode when she argues with medusa in favor of the story that she’s heard rather than what the person who lived through it has to say. as well as when she tries to stop percy from sending medusa’s head to olympus.

this ties into percy’s “impertinent” behavior toward the gods. we know percy thinks the gods are fucked up, he shows it in the book and the series early on when he learns about them. he’s mad at poseidon and acknowledges that it’s his fault sally is gone, unprotected and seemingly unnoticed, and that percy is kinda left to fend for himself in a new world. in the series he prays to his mom instead of his father despite seeing the tribute the other kids give to their godly parents. he rejects that side of his parentage because he feels his mom is the only one who deserves the credit for his life. he says that the gods had been unfair to thalia in the book when he learns about her. he defends himself against the Zeus’s accusation by saying “‘i’m just a kid!’” i think that line is important, and especially what annabeth says about it later on, because it shows how different their mindsets are.

percy has been protected and loved by his mom his entire life up to this point. she’s tried to give him a good life, and that’s the root of his character. he realizes the incredulity of this entire situation because he has not been fighting to survive without the love and support of a parent since he was young. annabeth left her home at a young age, was left in dangerous conditions, and fought for her life when she was only 7, and she’s been training for war ever since. she’s surrounded by kids who went through the same thing, specifically luke and formerly thalia. in the series, annabeth takes the “I’m just a kid” claim and reveals she finds it naive and ignorant, because he’s a part of something bigger than him and that he needs to accept his fate. (again, she’s been preparing for this her whole life, he’s been thrust into it after losing his mom)

when percy hears this story from grover about three demigods on the run, two of them near his age when they went through it, he is hearing a story about three kids being ignored and left to fend for themselves by their parents. he’s already angry about the gods’ lack of interference and how normal it seems to be at camp. when he hears annabeth regard thalia and her ultimate fate as heroic and respectable, he doesn’t see it as the same. he finds thalia heroic and brave, but her fate not so much. annabeth’s admiration contrasts his questioning toward the gods. percy most likely found Zeus’s decision to finally notice his daughter by turning her into a tree as anything but heroic, more pathetic.

at least that’s how i interpret the “she met a pinecone’s fate” line. I think it adds to his reputation and growing disdain for the gods and their attitude. idk what do u guys think 😫