#also we're going to take a 20 minute break to let the lot of us sort things (and my headache) out

[starberry-cupcake]

oooohhhh boyyyyyyyy Stuff Happened you folks, this might be obnoxious because there was a lot of exposition, let's hope I can keep it decent. As always, sending you all positive vibes in these trying times ♥

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

CHAPTER 50

30 minutes for emperor destruction, prepare the champagne

gideon is being taken by yandere twin to meet doctor reverend emperor john

she isn't very into that idea, but doesn't have much of a choice

doctor reverend emperor john is having a very important conversation with someone in the room, so gideon and yandere twin hide to listen in

and the conversation is with non other than not!dulcinea

not!dulcinea is being possessed

by commander wake

I ASKED FOR THIS IN THE PREVIOUS ONE

why did you need harrow, then, you dramatic asshat?

so, basically, commander wake's name is actually a couple quotes and lyrics to eminem's song from 8 mile

her name isn't amanda, it's just awake, etc.

I'd take amanda over eminem but ok

they said they are words that date back thousands of years, so we're in the future

I considered this, but not due to book reasons, just because one time I was talking to @lady-harrowhark about one time a barbie of mine was stolen when I was a kid and it somehow related to tlt, this was A Long Time Ago but I thought "what, are the books in the future?"

I have no idea if my hollywood hair barbie had anything to do with the books directly or if it was just some fandom thing @lady-harrowhark knows and I don't, but that planted the idea in my head

if it's a spoiler, don't tell me

but I didn't pick up any clues from the book until eminem

emperor's last name is gaius, which I knew from an untagged non context dashboard post

doctor reverend emperor john gaius wants to know what commander wake was doing in the ninth, because she landed there on purpose

and also is impressed that she's been a revenant for nearly 20 years and doesn't know how she got there

I think it's the sword

so, in come augustine and mercygirl

because now we're having a party

dr reverend emperor john says "Am I in trouble?" because he's the most punchable asshole in the known universe

and introduces commander wake with an evanescence quote rather than an eminem quote

yes, ok, I much prefer that, thank you

thank you, Fallen by Evanescence (2003) you changed my life

so, turns out that commander wake was in cahoots with these two lyctors

but things turned south and gideon the first was sent to kill her

she went to the ninth to break into the tomb

it always comes down to the tomb

ice cube barbie is very popular

so, I was right when I said that gideon wasn't conceived Traditionally

the eggs were my clue on that bit, the eggs on the notes

they were supposed to 1) use dr reverend emperor john's genes to 2) create a baby with his blood to 3) break the blood ward to 4) open the tomb

CONVOLUTED LYCTOR PLANS

but the eggs didn't work, so commander wake decided to birth gideon herself

when I said gideon was a demigod and used hercules memes and when I compared her to superman or whatever

I was more correct than I thought

commander wake called gideon "bomb"

this song could go into the gideon playlist @lady-harrowhark and I were talking about

because we didn't have enough lyctors at this party, in comes gideon the first

from battling the beast, which is what everyone was supposed to be doing, btw, just putting that out there

gideon the first will receive a lot of very clever, funny and amazing nicknames by gideon that I can't even remotely compete with

I vow to you and your prowess for nicknames, queen

gideon the first comes in, removes gideon's glasses from harrow's body, and slides them on his face

commander wake me up before you go go looks at him with heart eyes

and he shoots her

gideon, things were so much easier when you didn't have a family, girl

this is too stressful

everyone is surprised that gideon the first fought the beast, the beast ran and gideon the first is alive

I am NOT SURPRISED because HE WAS FIGHTING ALONGSIDE MATI NONIUS

and ortus, and protozoa, and martita

BUT, MOST IMPORTANTLY, MATI NONIUS

well done team harrow!!!

so, basically, gideon the first didn't say anything about the whole commander wake situation because he thought gideon was his

which accounts for my doubts the other recap on how I thought gideon wasn't Conceived Traditionally but there were doubts from gideon the first's side

gideon prime, gideon zero, gideon senior (all gideon jokes, not mine) says he was with her for about two years

so augustine starts explaining how they got dr reverend emperor john's genetic material through god apate major

WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED

IT'S ALWAYS THE ORGIES, ISN'T IT?

man, I'd rather not know the details, thank you

gideon the first also doesn't want to know the details

the emperor's bolthole wasn't as inexorable as it was advertised to be, turns out

it's basically a revolving door

ANYWAY

the emperor goes "so you killed her and the baby, right?"

IN COMES GIDEON, INTRODUCING HERSELF

"I'm not fucking dead"

and the emperor goes "hi, not fucking dead, I'm dad"

CHAPTER 51

gideon starts remembering childhood things like suffering and fighting with harrow and telling harrow that maybe she is the daughter of someone important and they don't know it

"You remember how the fuck-off great aunts always used to say, suffer and learn? If they were right, Nonagesimus, how much more can we take until you and me achieve omniscience?"

man, this is rough

so, the thing about the eyes

gideon apparently has AL's eyes

whose name isn't only Annabel Lee

it's also Alecto

the alecto everyone keeps mentioning in the fandom

so, this explains why seeing gideon's eyes was like seeing a ghost to these lyctors

also why ice cube barbie had gideon's eyes

THERE ARE A LOT OF THREADS GOING ON IN THIS BOARD

GIDEON IS CONNECTED TO A LOT OF PEOPLE

NONE OF THEM GOOD

the lyctors bring back what teacher said in canaan au, about them asking dr reverend emperor john to kill AL aka Annabel Lee aka Alecto aka ice cube barbie

apparently all of them (except for gideon the first) hated her and were low key scared of her and high key scared of what might happen with her around

they think the beasts are coming partly because of her

and whatever dr reverend emperor john did to resurrect her

the emperor says he didn't kill her, he "switched her off"

not successfully, because she's been sort of roaming around

mercygirl and augustine say that everything about this is very sus because what if he didn't kill AL??? and what is going on with the origin of his power???

dr reverend emperor john goes "you both do tend to go overboard on the foreplay"

mercygirl and augustine figured out that harrow's true cavalier had AL's eyes

but it was impossible for a baby to be born with AL's genes

however, it was very probable that a baby had been born in the ninth with the emperor's genes

because they had been planning on that to happen

albeit in a different way, without the human intervention

so, if gideon has AL's eyes but the emperor's genes

it means AL's eyes aren't hers and the emperor's aren't his

the emperor's weird eyes are AL's and gideon's eyes are the emperor's

because.......

he achieved lyctorhood without having to slurp his cavalier aka AL

I'm very interested in this potential situation if we get gideon alive again

but everyone else is pissed off because they had to slurp their cavaliers unnecessarily

yandere twin also decides to join the chat after this

and, apparently, anastasia had figured it out too

the ninth necro who everyone said was the one who couldn't become a lyctor

the one with a room unused

until harrow

the emperor's version of events is that things went off the rails in the process and he had to kill them both

augustine tells dr reverend emperor john to just stop already with his plan of destroying everything

and the emperor says that the man before his resurrection would have hated him to say that

mercygirl then goes "I'll forgive you if you tell me you didn't mean to kill my cav"

and the emperor goes "yes, I'll do whatever"

so he hugs mercygirl

and mercygirl

FUCKING DECIMATES HIM

SHE WRECKS HIM

SHE MELTS HIM INTO NOTHINGNESS

gideon says she's an orphan again while I'm giving everyone a party hat and a piece of celebratory cake

I'M SORRY THIS WAS LONG but we're reaching the end of this book!!! See you next time!!!

[obsessivestar]

'What If It's All A RomCom?' - a Ted Nivison x Reader.

{{-Story Description: You're a youtuber with a fairly decent following deciding to help your good friend Tanner with a minor film project, with you set as the leading lady. When the actor for the male lead is a no show, Ted takes up the role himself. One problem: This short film's a Rom Com, and you just met the guy.-}}

//18+, Def gonna be some smut. Reader is implied to be afab, under 5'5 and has specifically named friends, all who have no real connection to Ted.

This story will be in multiple chapters. Also gonna post this on Wattpad and Ao3 (when I figure them out LMAO) under the same username: ObsessiveStarla. Hope you enjoy :^)

Also idk how to do all the fancy Tumblr border stuff so sorry if it's all messy :^(((//

Word count: 2.3k

Chapter 1: No Show, No Movie.

I'm keeping my eye on the road, occasionally glancing at the GPS to make sure I can guide my buddy Tanner as he drives. We had quite an early morning to get to L.A., having been on the road for the last 2 hours to get to this airbnb we'll be staying at. Tanner's nearing the end of film school, so he's getting all his classmates and anyone else that's available and interested to help him with his big final project: A legit short film, filmed, written and directed by him. Having some experience with being on camera myself, he elected to make me part of the main cast. I don't mind at all, if it'll help him out. Even if it's a romantic comedy. I'll kiss some dude, get him that 100%. I'm excited for this.

"Has Conner messaged me at all?" Tanner asks, breaking the last 20 minutes of silence. I quit out of my daydream to check Tanner's messages. Other members of the crew have updated them on their location, including a name I don't recognize, but Conner hasn't responded at all.

"Nope. Mostly everyone else is nearly there though." I responded, lightly shrugging my shoulders. A humorous but knowing smirk creeps along the edges of my lips. "Think he slept in?" "I fucking hope not." Tanner huffs, his tone suggesting he's half-joking. "He is literally /the/ male lead. He's like one of the people I need there the most today."

I put the GPS back up on the screen and lay back against the passenger seat, slightly raising a brow to myself. What would happen if he's late, or doesn't show up at all? Could we even get a replacement in time? We only booked this place for the next couple weeks.

As we get off the highway and get even closer to our destination, I see a notification pop up on Tanner's phone, it's the name I don't recognize. Ted. He's not in our friend group and I don't recall Tanner mentioning him from class.

"Is Ted a new guy?" I ask, turning my head to Tanner. "Oh, no, he's like...a friend of a friend." Tanner pauses before reiterating "He's going to be the editor. He's a youtuber, like you; he went to film school as well."

"Oh. He's like the only name I didn't recognize."

"Yeah, he's a cool guy, no worries, he'll probably be there with me to help with the, yknow, directing too."

There's room for a response, but I don't continue the conversation. We don't have a lot of money to put into this, so that airBnb is also where we'll be filming everything. Most of the film crew and extra actors got their own accommodations elsewhere, but some of us will be staying /at that/ location itself. Wonder if that includes the editor? It'd be weird to share a house with a dude I didn't know, but if Tanner trusts him, I will as well. "I know where to go from here, let everyone know we'll be there soon."

I take Tanner's phone and let everyone know we're close by, including Ted, before setting the phone aside. Tanner pulls into what I thought was a street at first, only to notice its the driveway of the airbnb. Wild how we can't afford multiple sets and hotels, but can afford this villa-like estate for nearly a month. Hey, whatever works, right?

Tanner parks by the many other vehicles and grabs his phone before we both hop out. I can't help but look up at how tall the building is. It looks like one of those frat houses an influencer would own, like if you told me this was owned by fuckin' 'disney channel flow' Team 10, I would 100% believe you.

Tanner and I are greeted by most of the cast and crew as we approach the front door of the house, giving the appropriate hugs and handshakes as we head inside. That's when I spotted a tall man in a dark green sweater fixing up some professional looking cameras, dark hair slicked up to add to his already impressive height, with circular glasses to match the relaxed vibe I'm getting from him. To be fair, he only stands out so much to me because I don't recognize him. This must be Ted.

He looks up from his camera when he spots Tanner and I greeting the other crew members. I casually glance away to one of the pictures on the wall to avoid giving the impression I was staring. I have a habit of fixing my eyes onto people without realizing it.

"Traffic?" Is the first word I hear out of Ted's mouth, directed at Tanner. I don't really know what I was expecting to hear come out of this man, but it certainly wasn't a voice like that. It's strong, deep, almost fake sounding, like he's already playing a character, but no, that's just him.

"Dude, we passed by, like, 3 accidents" Tanner shakes his head slightly, putting his hands on his hips. "And Conner hasn't even gotten back to me, It's been an interesting morning."

As they have their conversation, my thoughts turn to a more curious nature as I contemplate what this guy actually does as a youtuber. If he went to film school as well, does he make long video essays? Commentary, like me?

"This is (Y/N), mine and Joe's friend." My thoughts are cut by the sound of my name, realizing Tanner was introducing me to Ted. Makes sense. We don't know each other. "She's gonna be the female lead."

"Ahhh okay, nice to finally meet you. I'm Ted." Ted personally greets me with a gentle handshake and a winning complexion. I return the handshake with a shy smile. "'Finally'?" I repeat to him, raising a slight brow.

"Yeah! Joe's told me about you, 'said you'd be shorter"

A sudden chuckle escapes me. Joe's my best friend and is part of the wardrobe team, of course he'd say something like that. "He's a dick.." I kid, shaking my head to myself. "You, on the other hand, are a fuckin' giant."

"Oh I know. I have to fuckin' duck down to get into any room upstairs. Tallhood ain't what its cut out to be" We both get a laugh out before Ted returns to setting up the cameras. I notice Tanner checking his phone again, visibly both anxious and frustrated.

"Man." Tanner speaks, seemingly thinking aloud. "Still nothing." "Isn't he the other lead?" Ted speaks as he moves to adjust the stand of one of the lights, glancing up through his round glasses. "I figured he'd be here first."

"He should've been here first." Tanner huffs, masking his clear frustration with a chuckle. "I-I don't know what I'm gonna do if he just doesn't show." "What would we have to do?" I tilt my head at Tanner, feeling a little anxious myself.

"I have no idea, honestly" Tanner responds, shaking his head. "At best, we'd have to find someone to take his place within the next, like, couple days. At worst, I'd have to cancel this whole thing."

I frown, trying to think of some helpful alternative in my head, but nothing comes up. I'd hate for everyone to have to go home, and getting the money back for the airbnb would be a hassle. We all pitched in for this place. As much as I've joked about it, it's pretty nice. 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, half the place is a giant living room and there's even more outside. I'd hate to leave without getting to sleep in one of those giant beds. All I can do is hope for the best, I guess.

About an hour passes. At this point, everyone except Conner has shown up on set and most of us that will be on camera are fitted and ready. We had already read through the entire script together over Discord prior to getting here, so all we need to do is just start filming.

I'm refreshing my memory with the script when I hear a notification ping from Tanner's phone. It takes him less than a second to pick it up and look at the message, pausing to read it. I see his expression go from relief to uneasy, his thumbs tapping on his phone's keyboard louder than usual as he responds before setting his phone down and taking a deep breath.

"Conner can't make it."

Silence fills the room for a moment as everyone looks up from their tasks. I approach Tanner, script still on hand.

"What? What does he mean he can't make it?" I asked, honestly shocked with what I was hearing. "So, yknow how he's just...not been responding since we left?" Tanner asks, looking understandably annoyed.

"Yeah?"

"Apparently he ate some bad food last night and has been throwing up since 4am. We left at 5."

The only thing I can do is run my fingers through my hair in frustration. Dude probably ordered bad chicken or something. Of course. "So our main dude, THE male leading role or whatever, has food poisoning." I say that as a statement, but I'm honestly just so confused, I don't want to believe it. "What do we do now? Could we hire someone else in time?" "Even if we could, we wouldn't have time to get the chemistry built up between you two." Tanner shrugs. "There'd be no way of knowing if it'll work out."

"I'll do it."

Tanner and I turn our heads to Ted, who's joined in on the conversation shortly after assembling the last light. My first instinct is to let out a sigh of relief, but I steel myself, trying to really process what he's offering.

"You? You wanna be the male lead?" Tanner points at Ted, rather surprised he'd offer. Ted seemed to laugh at the expression on Tanner's face "What's that fuckin' look for? You think I can't be romantic, Tanner?" "No--" Tanner cackles, putting his palms up defensively as he laughed. "That's not it! I just-- you haven't read the script, and, yknow..." Tanner pauses, shrugging his shoulders and tilting his head in my direction. "You two just met, you'll have to, yknow--"

"'Yknow? Yknow?' I KNOW, Tanner. I. know." Ted begins to mock Tanner in a friendly manner while pointing at himself, his strong voice easily overpowering Tanner's timid tone. "I've been doin' this since you were in little baby diapers, alright? I can read the script, I can kiss the pretty lady, I got this!"

I suddenly feel a whole lot warmer, resisting the urge to put a hand to my cheek. I mean, I have blush on already, but now I'm definitely blushing. I'll have to kiss this guy?

I mean.

That ain't a bad thing.

That's a nice lookin' dude. I'd be blind not to see it.

But I did just meet him.

"I mean...." Tanner seems to be at a loss for words, glancing in my direction once more. I realize I've been one of the main talking pieces of this conversation, yet I haven't spoken a word. "Ah--I.." I stammer out what was meant to be a coherent response, realizing I'm a bit more sheepish about this than I thought I'd be. He called me pretty. I...don't know what to do with that. I can handle a compliment, sure, but this was...

"Hey, sorry, I don't wanna step over any lines..." Ted's smile faded after my lack of a response, resting his hands behind his back. "Oh no! I-I wouldn't mind it at all." I finally managed to speak up. I swear, I felt like a bashful damsel in those old transatlantic-accent films. "I mean, like, better this than sending everyone packing early, right?"

"Real flattering." Ted responded with a renewed smile and a chuckle, getting another sheepish blush from me. "Whatever works for everyone, I'm down for it."

Based on Tanner's knowing expression, I can tell he gathered something of use from whatever that exchange was. "I mean..." Tanner repeats again, as if to remind us he's also there with filler words before taking in a sharp breath of realization, or maybe it was one of acceptance, I couldn't tell. Either way, he had an idea. "OK, how about this: most of the crew didn't get breakfast on the way up here and we're all gettin' pretty hungry, we could use some caffeine. How about you two head back out and get everyone something from Dunkin' or wherever? Get talkin', see if it works."

"You setting us up on a breakfast run, or a date?" I collect myself fast enough to make a joke, actually getting a decent chuckle out of Ted. Part of me couldn't believe I had even made that joke aloud, I was also kind of genuinely asking. "I am testing the chemistry." Tanner clarified slowly with a half smile. "And I...don't want to do it myself."

Ted and I look at each other, giving me a brief moment to realize Ted's eyes are brown. Don't know why I've chosen to collect that information now. Just another observation I've made for the day.

...Man, I'm hungry.

"Alright, but I'm not driving your car." I agree with a shrug. "No need, I got my Tacoma." Ted responds, making a clicking noise with his mouth and gesturing me to follow him outside.

"You...have your city in Washington?" I ask genuinely, getting another laugh out of him, not intentionally this time. "Toyota Tacoma. My truck." He corrects me, guiding me to an old dark green pick-up truck. "I've had this baby since high school. Graduated with it."

"Ahh, your high school sweetheart. Lovely. Happy to meet her."

"Fuck off" Ted jokingly scoffs, hopping into the drivers seat. I have this big grin on my face as I get into the passenger side. He's giving me this...oddly comforting vibe. I can talk and joke with this guy so naturally, like I've known him for longer than an hour.

Somehow, I get the feeling we'll get along just fine, even if I'll end up having to kiss him once or twice this month....

....That's got me thinking, how many times am I kissing this guy again?

__________________________________

|| Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 (smut) || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 (smut) || Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 (smut) || Chapter 15 ||

[carcinos-arg]

...ouch :(

I feel sick. What the hell?

[amakumos]

CUPID’S CONFLICT — eight ; i see what’s happening

as the man behind cupid's corner, jungwon is responsible for getting majority of the couples at decelis together (namely, riki and his girlfriend.) but there's one person that always gets in the way of half of the couples that jungwon sets up together — you. you are the polar opposite of yang jungwon, affectionately called "evil cupid" by your friends, as you have the unfortunate ability to break any couple up within a couple of weeks just by taking a picture with them. it's not intentional, you tell jungwon. what's also not intentional, is when jungwon finds himself crushing on you.

“Have fun on your date,” Rei says to you, watching as you shove your books into a tote bag. “I’m going to work on a project.”

“Project, date, same thing. Take lots of cute pictures of Maeumi for me. ” Wonyoung says, and you roll your eyes. “We're actually going to be working. It's not a date.”

“Don’t get distracted, by his… face?” Wonyoung replies, and you give her a weird look. “What? You guys would be cute together.”

Yes, he’s good looking, and basically your exact type, but you don’t really know Jungwon well. Plus, you’re pretty sure he isn’t really fond of you.

You take the train to Jungwon's, and it's not too far away from Decelis. You don't know why he doesn't choose to stay at home instead of the dorms since he doesn't live too far. When you stand in front of the lift, waiting for those elevator doors to open, you suddenly find yourself feeling a little nervous.

You press the button to the 9th floor, watching as the doors close. It's just a project. You're not nervous. The doors open, and you step out of the lift. Jungwon says he lives in apartment 9B, and as you approach the door, you hear the sound of a dog barking.

You assume that's Maeumi.

Jungwon opens the door, wearing a plain white t-shirt and sweatpants. "Hey," he says, opening the door wider to let you in. You take your shoes off, leaving them near the entrance. "Maeumi gets really excited when he meets new people." Jungwon adds as he watches Maeumi jumping up on your leg to greet you.

"Ah," you say, smiling. "That's very cute."

"Come in," he says, and you walk into his apartment, Maeumi trailing behind you. It's very clean, and Jungwon's placed his laptops and books on his dining table. "You can just put your bag on that chair," he says, sitting down at the table.

You slide into the seat next to him, taking your own laptop out. "So... where are your parents?"

"They're working. They're a bit busy this week, so I've kinda got a lot of time for myself."

"Oh, I see." you say. It's a little awkward, with it just being you and Jungwon. In his apartment.

"So... should we start working on this?" he asks, and you nod. He opens his laptop, creating a new slideshow and sharing it with you. "We've just got to create a presentation about this poem... and analyse it. Then share it with the class. Super simple,"

"I think we can finish it in 20 minutes. I mean, we did do a lot of preparation in class - we kinda just have to type everything out now."

You find that you work well with Jungwon. He's easy to share your ideas with, and even when you find that you can't exactly find the right words to use to get your points across, he understands what you mean. The nervousness you felt before fades away, and you start to think that you were just overthinking everything, especially when it came to you thinking that Jungwon hated you.

The project's finished in less than 20 minutes, much to your surprise. "Do you wanna grab lunch?" Jungwon asks you, and you shrug. "Sure. Are we going to go outside?"

Jungwon walks towards the window, pushing the curtain aside. "Ah, it's raining. I'll just order takeout. Are you okay with fried chicken?"

You nod. "I'm not a picky eater. Order whatever you like."

You get up from your chair, making your way over to Maeumi. You sit down on the floor, away from the carpet (because you've seen Jungwon's tweets about Maeumi shitting on the carpet), and the dog comes up to you, and you give him a head pat.

You play with Maeumi for a bit, picking him up and settling him in your lap while Jungwon orders the food. "He likes you," Jungwon says, placing his phone on the table.

"Does he?" you ask, ruffling Maeumi's fur.

"Yeah, he does. Give me a second, I'm just going to get Maeumi some treats." he says, before disappearing into the kitchen. He returns with a container of dog treats, and he sits down beside you.

Jungwon takes one of the treats out, feeding it to Maeumi. "He's so cute." you say, and Jungwon smiles.

Jungwon's opinion of you has changed very quickly over the past few days. He supposes that it was a shitty thing to do, to hate you over the fact that you had broken up a lot of couples at the school unintentionally. He guesses that he takes his role as Cupid a little too seriously.

You're very nice. So nice to the point that Jungwon feels terrible for being mean to you on his private Twitter account.

Suddenly, Jungwon hears the door unlock. He furrows his eyebrows - his parents aren't supposed to be at home until 9pm. It's only 3pm, and he doesn't think he's expecting anyone to swing by.

The voice of Kim Sunoo rings out, and the boy stops in his tracks when he sees that you're in Jungwon's house. "Jungwon, Riki wanted to know if you're free- oh! I see what's happening."

"Hi, (Name)." Sunoo says, a smirk on his lips. "Hi, Sunoo. Nice to see you," you reply, still giving Maeumi head pats.

"What are you doing here?" Jungwon asks. "Riki sent me to see if you were free, since I know the password to unlock your door. But, I'll just tell him that you're not available." Sunoo says, wiggling his eyebrows at Jungwon.

Sunoo's going to tell everyone in their friend group. And now everyone will think that you two are a thing.

"Have fun on your date," Sunoo whispers to Jungwon, who elbows him. "It's not a date." Jungwon whispers back.

"Sure it isn't. Bye (Name)! See you tomorrow!" Sunoo says, waving at you. You bid farewell to him too, and before he leaves, Sunoo whispers one thing to Jungwon.

"Don't fall in love."

"I won't," Jungwon replies.

Jungwon doesn't know it yet, but he is very, very wrong.

eight －i see what's happening! previous ☆ next ♡ masterlist

author's note. first written chap of the series !! my entire body hurts cuz of badminton #lovemysport

CUPID'S CONFLICT! a jungwon smau. genre: smau, crack, fluff pairing: non-idol! jungwon x non-idol! reader warnings: swearing, ignore timestamps taglist is CLOSED!

[parachutingkitten]

Okay, this has been bothering me, and I'm gonna go into it, cuz I feel like being mad that the fandom didn't get better is friggin valid, so imma get negative here at some serious missed potential, if that's not your jam, 100% get it, please scroll past.

We have a season with 20 episodes, each of which are 20 minutes long. That is an unprecedented amount of time for a ninjago season- I would argue maybe too much time, but that's not what we're getting into here. Even just the first half is the length of your standard ninjago season back in the day. There is no excuse for not taking your time with ideas that deserve time. You've got time. You've got too much time.

If you're gonna do a mystical mind prison that traps you in your worst fears, you gotta do it! You can't do this wimpy half commit thing you're doing here. What is this cop out that's like three minutes long? This is a top tier trope! Loads of stories do this- for a good reason, it's a great way to get lots of new insight into your characters, not to mention have fun with environments, hypotheticals, bend logic, and do some creative filmmaking. And here you are, inventing a whole weird fictional animal to facilitate your nightmare state, and it legitimately takes up so little screen time that it hurts! What? Did you not have enough to say about your characters to fill out a full subplot? You thinking that surface level about things? Or was the basketball tournament fake out with the dragons so important to the story that you couldn't cut it out for some character introspection?

It's so short and pointless, it doesn't functionally do anything except tell us very directly "Here's what this character fears, and will have to get past this season!" No looking into why or making some progress/losing progress on the issue in the dream state. We don't even get to see everyone's visions, let alone see any interconnectivity between them. It's just such a waste of a classically exciting set up. And why on earth would you place this concept at the beginning of the season? Put it at the turning point man! That's what this scenario is made for! Literalizing characters overcoming mental challenges so that it's interesting to watch! Using the nightmare dream sphere for exposition in the most boring possible version of the trope is just dumbfounding.

I mean seriously? The black void? That's all you've got? You gonna go the Cars 2 route and set our supposedly deep nightmare sequence in a black void? No symbolism to the void even? No distorting of visuals within the void? Nothing? Can you get any more basic? Did you really put that little creativity into this? Like, the whole point of the nightmare dreamscape is to get creative! So much symbolism and messaging that you can easily tie into things! the possibilities are literally endless! But yeah, I guess Arin running in place is pretty meaningful too, I'm sure it took you a while to come up with something so profound.

There's a reason this story beat usually makes up at least half the plot of any given episode it's in! There's so much room to explore. The potential for crosscutting between nightmares is so high, drawing parallels between characters. Maybe they're all interconnected, and the mentally strongest of the team breaks free to help the others in their nightmares. Maybe it's a revelation point for the rest of the team as they see a dark past of another character they didn't know about. Or maybe it's just the audience who gets new insight into a sheltered corner of a character's mind, or a way to reveal to them a dark secret someone is hiding. You can also have fun subverting expectations, maybe one of the nightmares is just objectively pretty funny. And, the best thing about any dream environment you're creating, you can have the characters get involved in insanely creative fights and action scenes where they literally beat up their mental roadblocks with cool looking and symbolically important powers or tools.

Like, I know the fandom is losing their mind over this scene because 'omg Nya's gonna be so sad cuz of the memory loss(that hasn't even been revealed in narrative yet, so the irony doesn't even really work)' but I just need you to understand that the full fledged angst, character growth, and introspection y'all are speculating could have theoretically happened in Kai's plot is what we could have had for everyone. For a full episode. Like it deserved to be. And it would have been really cool, and really satisfying, and beautifully and symbolically stunning, because countless other people have done it, it's honestly not too difficult. Stop freaking out like they did a good job with this- they didn't do a good job with this. They couldn't even bother to give everyone a vision, they just gave up on the concept halfway through.

Not to mention how accessible and valuable this type of storytelling is to kids! Literalizing some of the big abstract issues these characters are supposedly battling this season would be a great way to get kids to grasp these ideas, but instead it's literally like two and a half minutes of slightly ominous stuff to bate us before we move on.

Stop teasing us with interesting stuff and then not actually following through! This is not how you do storytelling!

[creativeafterdark]

Chapter 9 and 10

Heyo folks taking a @journeythroughjourneytothewest

Had to take a break from book club last week, burn out was very bad. But I've had a week to relax, celebrated my birthday and slept most of the day lol. Let's get back into Journey to the West

First: Chapter 9.

We finally meet our Monk and learn the story of his family!

We don't spend a lot of time learning about them (minus his Dad, gets a thumbs up from me. Kind to all and easy going enough to be like "I got hit by a ball-- oh I'm married now? Okay cool". Like talk about a shotgun wedding), but we do see little bits that remind me of our Monk. He does share his kindness with his Dad, and I genuinely think his anxiety is from his mom. I'll talk about her in a minute because she is a whole other thing.

My one question is... wouldn't other officials notice that Liu Hong, essentially becoming Chen E, had no idea what he was doing??? He went on business trips, did no one recognize he wasn't who he said he was????? I mean you would think anyone who took the exams with him who got positions would be like "uh... that's not him tf??". Or they just did not care. Who knows at this point. Apparently he had Six Eared Macaque level disguise skill, rolled a nat 20 in bullshitery.

Now. Lady Yin. The poor lady went through hell for over 18 years. She had to watch her husband get murdered, had to abandon her baby, and had to play wife to a murderer. Even when her husband came back... I'm not surprised she still ended up passing. That's a lot of guilt (and I'm sure Liu Hong was not kind to her) on her mind for a LONG period of time, nearly two decades. I wish there was a happy ending for the family but I get why it ended how it did, knowing what depression and anxiety can do to people.

Now our baby Monk. Our Xuanzang. I am so proud of him for being as brave as he was. This recently turned 18 year old did everything he could to help his family. Licking his grandma's eyeballs was...a choice. But it was for a good cause so good on him. I can see why he was a good choice as the Scroll Pilgrim.

And as promised, a sketch of Xuanzang

And as a bonus baby Monk with a doggo

But now we move to Chapter 10.

...I legit got annoyed going thru the debate between the fisherman and woodman. Like it went on far longer than it should have. I'm sure there was a profound moment that we're supposed to glean from it but I just wasn't receptive to it. Maybe I'll read it again.

Anyway.

I have been doing some looking into of Chinese historical heroes (I desperately want to read Romance of the three kingdoms, and I need more reading material about folk heroes and heroines) so seeing some references to the stuff I learned made me happy. There was mention of Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang and the painting of The Emporer's Generals on the doors (supposedly the Tang dynasty is where this practice was first used. A few three kingdom folks also get this treatment as door gods, or menshen, along with other important heroes and deities. Makes me wonder if the Emperor essentially deified his Generals and Wei Zheng. How does Heaven handle that?)

Fun fact! In my jttw x mythology story Wukong will work with Asena, mythical wolf mother of the Ashina Clan of Gokturks. Guess which dynasty of China had to deal with them a lot? :)

Anyway.

I've also come to the conclusion that Dragons just like to fuck around and find out. Like, the Dragon King just goes against heaven's orders to spite a very accurate fortune teller, does not even THINK of the consequences, and is surprised Pikachu face when he gets in trouble. Also not sure why he thought appealing to an earthly emporer would save him from THE SUPREME DAOIST DEITY'S JUDGMENT. Like, y'all, I'm beginning to think dragons just don't give a crap or just don't think. Got what he deserved for being dumb. Did the emporer make promises he shouldn't have? No doubt, you don't promise supernatural beings anything because it will make you want to die if they catch wind of you breaking promises, regardless of nationality. Did he deserve what he got? .... I mean historically probably but in the sense of this story, no.

I find the Tang dynasty interesting (because it gave us a certain Empress and had some fun female warriors, like Taizong's sister, who helped her father found the dynasty) and I can definitely thank jttw for getting my attention about it.

I think that's all I have as far as thoughts. And I apologize if my rambles just jumped around too much lol.

Over and out ✌️

[callmearcturus]

oh god where did i leave off. oh fuck i left off with THAT? oh geez sorry

in my defense, the music in the next area is great so i didn't want to leave and i'm almost to the boss i think? Reverie, Yukiko, and Kanji make a DEADLY team, and while I am Big Mad at Yosuke:

he starts every battle first and has tentafoo/Cause Panic. so. he's just maddeningly useful, idk what to say.

Huh I somehow thought the other character was next but it's Rise time!

Man. I like Rise a lot. Out of all the romance options she's the only one I'm considering at all because she's neat. Rise is an idol who is taking a break from the business to return home to Inaba and recuperate. And right from go, she is just on another level from everyone else.

She knows about the Midnight Channel (though doesn't understand it's a supernatural hit list yet) and is aware of the dangers around her. The Idol business in all its forms across the world fucking Sucks and it's clear to see it's had an effect on her, like emotional stretch marks from having to mature really fucking fast. She's been in her late 20s since she was 13 and it shows.

Oh and she's working in her family's tofu shop for the time being.

/googles ganmodoki

oh i would try this in a fucking heartbeat. Also, Yosuke, bro, what do you mean you don't eat tofu. Like... no tofu ever? I'm American and I eat tofu. It's good.

(I do genuinely want to eat more tofu but I cook for a whole household and they are less willing to let me experiment with tofu. Please pity me. 8C I heard if you squeeze out all the liquid or even freeze them first, they become really easy to fry? Anyway. Sorry, I cook a lot.)

Anyway aw shit Rise inadvertently reveals to Dojima that we're working this case. Worse, Dojima is not immediately angry or confrontational about it. OH NO, he purposefully avoids being confrontational about it.

Instead he puts Adachi on our tail.

Look at that man's face. Does this motherfucker have a single candle on behind those eyes.

Which leads to discovering a stalker who Adachi arrests as the murderer.

GODDAMMIT ADACHI. Whatever, it gets him out of our fucking hair.

buuuuut in that time, Rise got got. goddddddfuckingdammit.

An idol who's shadow self is on some level genuinely an exhibitionist. Whoo boy that's... a lot. Also, out of all the shadows, I find Rise's the most creepy, weirdly? Maybe because Idol Culture scares the shit out of me and I don't even remotely understand the appeal. It's like this terrifying black box of concepts I can't divine anything out of.

In TV World, I feel SUPER BAD for Teddie. I keep flying through these dungeons in one or two days and not really coming back to the TV World to see him. Which is a shame because I genuinely love Teddie! I think he's top three characters for me right now.

I was trained in the unhallowed halls of Tartarus, I know how to curbstomp a dungeon, okay? I wish I was around more for Teddie. 8C

YOSUKE HANAMURA WE ARE GONNA STEP OUTSIDE IF YOU MAKE TEDDIE SAD, DO YOU HEAR ME?

i just went from Big Mad to cackle in like a minute. CHIE OH MY GOD. "Aw buddy, you're sad? Yeah, you can hit on me, I'm cool with that!" i'm dying. it kind of says a lot about Chie's opinion of Teddie vs everyone else since she's the one who shoved the boys into the river at camp.

She has standards, is what I'm saying, and I respect them immensely.

say what

omg yes yes yes yes yes yes lemme see it what is it

STAR SOCIAL LINK: GET. THE STAR IS SO FUCKING GOOD FOR TEDDIE TOO! The Star comes after darkness has fallen and you are lost in the night with no sense of direction. It is the pinprick of light in the distance, the hope that gets your feet moving again after the despair has settled in. It is not a promise of warm or answers or completion, but it is sign that the story is not over, that you aren't over, and encourages you to follow to the next page.

TEDDIE IS GREAT FOR THE STAR, AAAAAAH!!!!!

[electricbluebutterflies]

Prompt: “ it's nothing. hurts like hell but -- i've dealt with worse. “

Post-s2-grayspace Kabby. We're playing a little loose with medical plausibility but I did twist my ankle as a tiny human (roughly 20 years ago) so I'm just going with that memory and hoping it's close enough. PG-ish and also on ao3.

If nothing else on this planet manages to kill him, she just might.

This is not a new emotion or desire for Abby – if anything, its frequency has lessened. But other details have changed too, the dramatic personality shift she’s trying to make her peace with and worries was somehow her fault, and-

Most of said personality shift makes her life easier. The fact that Marcus is now impulsive and a bit passive-aggressively suicidal undoes all that goodwill real fast when it flares.

She is not trying to take up his former mantle of paranoia, but it seems that every time he leaves the safety of their compound for more than about two hours, regardless of whether he’s alone or with others, something goes wrong and it becomes her problem. Injuries happen, she gets it, there’s a whole new world everyone is trying to get used to, but most people don’t…

She of all people understands the unwillingness to accept new physical limitations, but it’s like he’s not even trying, like he can ignore that damage and be okay, and then that doesn’t work and she gets stuck dealing with the damage. Just like always.

This time, he thinks he can hide it – he’s learning, perhaps, that these little adventures are becoming the only times she lets herself get mad at him. This time, he comes back moving just slightly wrong, just wrong enough that only someone who pays too much attention to his habits would notice a change, and-

“With me,” she says, and she will at least give him the mercy of not going at him with an audience, as much as that would probably be the most interesting part of five different people’s days. “Now.”

Perfect compliance – this too is becoming normal, this new and frightful willingness to actually listen to her that was absolutely not present six months ago and they’d all be a lot less fucked if it had been and this is no time for what-ifs and-

“I can’t imagine I missed anything that vital in less than half a day,” he says once they’re behind a closed door, not quite making eye contact and clearly trying to distract her. She forgets sometimes that he knows her habits just as well, and hers haven’t dramatically changed recently so that’s even easier, and-

“You are at least aware where you are right now,” she mutters, almost a question. “Turn your head for five minutes and someone tries to cause the apocalypse by accident, again.”

“I know you have more important things to do than-“

“Sit down and shut up for long enough for me to-“

“It’s nothing,” he says in that avoidant voice that used to mean something entirely different between them. “Hurts like hell, but… I’ve dealt with worse.”

Goddamn right he has, Abby thinks and won’t say. At least there’s nothing visibly wrong, at least-

“Make this easier for yourself and tell me what happened before I start removing your clothes until I find it.”

Apparently that’s the necessary level of directness today. Marcus leans down and undoes one of his boots, and… yep, ankle just slightly swollen, sizeable bruise, that’d explain the movement issues, that’d also explain-

“And what exactly did you do?”

“Ground looked level. It wasn’t.”

She kneels down and gets her fingers on the injury, feeling the damage. At least he didn’t manage to break anything, probably just a twist, still unpleasant but not-

“I’m going to wrap that,” she murmurs. “You need to rest it for a few days. I don’t care if-“

“I’m fine. I can’t-“

Abby leans up and glares at him with every bit of fury she can put into her facial expression. “Do you see yourself right now? Do you see these colors that human skin isn’t supposed to-“

“Fine,” he repeats.

“You are supposed to be my other half here. And that means it ruins my life if you go out and hurt yourself any further because of stupid masculine bravado or your barely concealed death wish or-“

“I don’t rest well. You of all people know that.”

Yes, she thinks, the number of times she had to physically tackle him despite being in more pain herself because their combined recovery situation was designed more for supervision than actual enforced healing sure was a time, she’s amazed that even worked, and-

“But I’m the only person left you’ll listen to,” she counters. “And I’m not saying bedrest – I’d like to, but I know you. I’m saying for the next three days your world consists of your normal indoor haunts and ideally not a lot of movement between them, understand?”

It’s not the compromise she wants to make, but she knows how far she can push. And if he spends most of his waking hours on the couch in their shared office, that means she can supervise him and make sure…

Oh, nevermind. Trying to save that man from himself is always a losing battle. She’s known that since she was fifteen. Decades later, she still tries anyways.

“Stay where you can see me,” he correctly interprets. “Understood.”

She moves away for long enough to find an adequate bandage and wraps it around his ankle as tight as she can, just enough structure to control further damage. He’s lucky he didn’t manage to do worse to himself, but it’s probably only a matter of time before-

She’s never actually considered the possibility of her life without him. She doesn’t like that thought.

“There. Is that…”

“I’ll deal.”

It’s not the answer she necessarily wants, but it’ll do. This is no time to actually voice her worry, and-

“I need you,” she repeats anyways.

“Understood.”

[idrilka]

watchlist tag game!

tagged by @phneltwrites!

here's what i am currently watching/have just watched/am planning to watch (spoilers: it's all kdramas):

just finished:

hospital playlist: 10/10, ultimate comfort watch, i love everyone in this bar. it took us a while to finish the second season but it was so, so worth it. i laughed, i cried, i'm going to miss them so much.

weak hero class 1 (immediate rewatch): 11/10, never expected to get clotheslined by another stellar drama in the span of less than six months bad enough that it made me immediately want to go write fic, but here we are. i'm going to write a separate rec post for this one, but for all the school 2013/heungsoon enjoyers out there, this is required watching. it has everything: amazing acting, stellar storytelling, so, so much incredibly well-executed tension, unhinged, violent high schoolers, revenge, useless adults, failing institutions and social commentary on the cycles of abuse. also some of the best chemistry between the leads i've seen in a long while. (what i mean is: since my country: the new age.)

currently watching:

duty after school: since we're apparently on a school setting kick, we went straight from weak hero to this one, and it's been also really good so far. the premise sounds delightfully weird at first (aliens come to earth in the shape of strange spheres hanging in the sky, and in anticipation of the possible attack, third-year high school students get enrolled into an afterschool military training program in exchange for additional points on their university entrance exam, since early admissions have been cancelled), but things go to hell pretty quickly.

hometown cha-cha-cha: aka the drama we started last summer, but we are continuing our tradition of watching an episode or two, then taking a break for two months before watching another episode or two, so everything is going according to plan here. good for when you want a low-stakes, chill drama with some pretty views.

save me: we watched the first episode and we'll definitely continue. so far it's intriguing and creepy, and it has woo dohwan in it, so i'm guaranteed some aesthetic crying if nothing else.

racket boys: for when you're missing haikyuu. we also watched the first episode and we'll definitely continue at some point, because sometimes all you want is to watch a bunch of kids enthusiastic about a sport overcome the odds through hard work and the power of friendship.

joseon attorney: lmao, let me tell you, this was not love at first sight. i hated the first ~40 minutes of the first episode and barely managed to finish. fortunately, it improved a bit in the last 20 minutes or so, and i'm intrigued enough to give it another try, but oh boy, that was a struggle.

kingdom: watched the first two episodes, it looks amazing, and we will definitely continue.

to-watch list:

the eighth sense: i want to watch this so bad, but all the reactions of those of my friends who are watching it only confirm that i should wait so i can binge it.

school 2013 (rewatch): i've been meaning to rewatch this for ages, especially since i want to write another fic this year, and weak hero just made me want to rewatch it right this second, so.

dr romantic 3: the third season is so close and i need it in my eyeballs like yesterday. i miss all of them so much!

misc: aka everything mentioned above (apart from hometown cha-cha-cha, which we'll continue to watch well into the fall at this pace)

my to-watch list is a lot, lot longer (and includes more of woo dohwan and yang sejong's dramas, as well as other stuff like the uncanny counter or d.p., or things that won't air for a while, like bloodhounds or doona), but listing all of them would take ages, so this is just the stuff i'm intending to watch in the immediate future.

oh, and i'm tagging @dulosis and @grimdarkfandango!

[purrincess-chat]

I must admit that the idea of prpr is so deeply ingrained in the fandom culture that it's hard to give up on it. I saw lots of old fanarts of Adrienette, and they all are supposed to be post-reveal. I remember reading a reddit post saying that Adrienette basically cannot happen pre-reveal. Even when S5 has started airing, fans speculated that if they dated pre-reveal, there wouldn't be more than one date, and then they would inevitably break up. I think those who are upset about pre-reveal Adrienette, are mostly upset about the fact that they couldn't foresee that.

I've talked about this a little before, but fandom is a double edged sword. It's perfectly fine to speculate about what you think is going to happen or to come up with headcanons or AUs or silly ideas that are fun, but that's all they are. Speculation and fun. You have to draw a line between canon and fanon and also recognize that all of these analysis posts (even mine) while they may sound smart and true, we are all operating off of limited information, and therefore none of our takes are 100% accurate. People get stuff wrong all the time because new episodes come out that completely change the game. The analysis I wrote yesterday could be completely uprooted by a single episode if canon so decided. That's why I tell people to take everything you read in fandom with a grain of salt. Because even the "smartest" and most well thought out takes can be wrong because we don't have all of the episodes. I'm not an authority on this show by any means, nor is any other fan. Even the fans that got hired by Zag aren't privy to every single detail about the show. They know what they're told, and even then, stuff can change last minute. It's fine to speculate about what we think is going to happen, but if we're wrong, that's not canon's fault.

And look, prpr is a fun idea in fanon, but I never foresaw it being canon. Look at the what if episodes, those two jumped immediately to being a couple, so I never had a reason to think the actual reveal would be any different. The thing about building up these fanon ideas in your head is it sets an unrealistic expectation for canon, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You have to separate the two. Keep fanon in fandom, and let canon tell the story it intends to. Because the thing is, we aren't the ones in the writing room. We don't know all of their plans or what things need to happen in order for the plot to work. We can speculate all day long based on the little clues we have, but canon can still throw a curve ball. I mean, after the s4 finale, did we expect to get reverse love square and canon Adrinette midway through s5? Clearly not 😂 But here we are. Canon is going to do what canon is going to do whether we like it or not. It's fine to not particularly like some decisions canon makes, everyone has preferences, but to say canon is ruined or bad or should have done some popular fan idea instead is not only entitled behavior it's also childish lol. Canon is ruined for you. And that's fine. But it doesn't mean canon is inherently bad just because you didn't care for the direction it's going in. A lot of people would do well to remember they are one person, and no one is making them watch. If they don't like canon anymore, don't watch it anymore. 🤷‍♀️ As some have pointed out, there are tons of shows that do high school romance better, so go watch one of those.

Idk, I think people are crossing too many lines and blurring fanon with canon. Fan ideas are meant to be fun for fans, not to influence and predict canon. If something makes it into the show or we guess something correctly, great, but that's not guaranteed or owed to us. There also isn't a rule that says if canon contradicts your fan idea that you have to stop doing it in fandom? Fans can still write, draw, and make headcanons for prpr or romantic LadyNoir if they want, but like it or not, Adrinette is still canon, yall. Even all the way up to episode 20, and I doubt it's going to change in the last few episodes. Get used to it. Or go watch something else idc 🤷‍♀️

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

Ramblin' about life beneath the cut.

I've been wanting to write one of these for a while, but... It's been hard??? Like- It just seems like such a task, somehow xD Maybe it's difficult to translate into a lil post?

I've been at my new job for nearly 5 months. It's hard to explain the difference between this place and the last. At my last company, the mental/emotional strain was high for everyone. The layoffs, people leaving without new hires, and trying to shove equipment from the locations my company let go of into the one remaining building... It was a lot of challenges and job insecurity, which translated into coworkers being constantly on edge. Not a good environment.

However, I loved my boss, I knew what I was doing, and I was perceived as experienced and capable. I never went in wondering if I'd be able to do what was asked of me. I also worked 9:30 to 4:30 most of the time, although I often didn't break for lunch (usually it was 10-20 minutes at my desk, shoving a packed lunch in my face while doing computer work).

At my new place, everyone is so... So goddamned smart. And so nice! There's not a single buttface at work! My company is successful and growing, people are curious and motivated and brilliant. The company offers career progression (something I've never had before), we're fairly paid, we do innovative work and push the boundaries of science, buzzword buzzword buzzword.

But good god, we work hard.

I've learned more in these nearly five months than I think I ever have in my life. Hell, this is more than I probably learned in six years at my last place, and definitely in the six years before that. The amount of information I absorb every day is just bonkers. I spend far more time not knowing what I'm doing than knowing.

I feel like an absolute rube. The truth is that I've been assigned nothing but difficult work, lol! I fall asleep and wake up thinking about how to make my experiments work, my anxiety constantly tells me I'm an idiot and everyone else thinks so, too. I currently have an entire work day of overtime mentally logged- I've been trying to leave early to offset extra hours here and there, but instead, the total of extra time keeps growing. I'm considering taking a sick day to counter balance it.

I don't spend as much time online anymore. I know I've been missing posts and not keeping up, but it can't be helped. I haven't been able to create as much, either. I'm worried about burnout and being able to keep this up. I try to tell myself that growing as a scientist is exciting and worthwhile, but instead, I end up questioning if I have what it takes.

I'm not sleeping well, I haven't exercised in weeks, I'm not creating much or refreshing myself during my time off. I'm considering setting up a few therapy sessions for advice. As I said to my husband, "All I want is a job where I don't need therapy to figure out how to cope with the stress from the job."

And the wildest part is... This is a good job at a good company. We just work too hard with too high expectations. I'm back in that position where eating, drinking, and using the restroom are difficult to fit in- meanwhile, my boss wants me to do all of this extra reading "when I have time," and he asks why I didn't attend social events, etc.

I know from therapy that my job is to deal with what's in front of me in the healthiest way, and if that involves reframing how I think about it, then fine. I haven't figured out how to do that.

And I suppose I don't have much else to say! My focus is constantly taken up by work, so uh... What else would I say? I hope you're all doing well and maintaining that balance that I can't seem to find right now. Take care and be well <3

[fizzingwizard]

(Complaining)

Today I got to work. The first hour was teaching my extracurricular class. Then I went directly to my homeroom class, taught their lesson, then sat with my wigglers for the next teacher's lesson because otherwise they run around in the back of the room screaming. (IMHO our school expects two year olds to sit for lessons for way too long. It's 45-50 min total. But I've suggested at least breaking up the lessons before and am always told no by the leaders. I do let the wigglers check out and go read a book or do a puzzle when they really can't sit, because I just think it's ridiculous that two year olds should have so little freedom... but Japan... anyway)

After that I had to frantically get ready for our craft and activity time. Usually I do that during my co-teacher's lesson, but this year there are too many wiggly kids, and my third co-teacher tries to help but because we have so many kid she also has too much she needs to do during that time... After that, we get ready for lunch. Got a lot of kids this year who refuse to eat anything but rice. More than usual. So lunch is pretty much us standing to observe and sneaking quick bites of our own lunches when we can between helping kids eat and encouraging them to eat a teeny tiny bite of literally anything besides rice.

Then they play. We have to take them to the bathroom, clean the tables and chairs, clean the floor, pack away the lunches, change the diapers, log information about lunch and daily activities in their individual notebooks, help the kids pack their bags, and refill their water bottles, while watching them play. Then we do a gross motor activity, then we read a storybook, and then the kids go to nap time.

It's four hours of constantly moving, talking, standing, squatting. Never sitting, lol. Now we do our best to convince the kids sleep is a good idea. I stay through part of my "break" finishing those notebooks. Then I go do my cleaning duty. Then I go to the computer and fill out the required report on our day. Then I have to do 20 assessments, go through all the photos we've taken so far to make scrapbooks of 24 photos for all 20 kids, organize all their crafts and worksheets into the scrapbook, review and upload our class time videos for the parents, plan events, go shopping for materials, make the materials for the next craft, write the newsletter for the parents, and create my lesson plan for next month. I have an hour to do this. I am not being paid for this hour. (Also it's often not even a full hour, but 30 min here, 15 min there.) It is so fucking impossible lol. And the assessment and stuff, it's worse because it's redundant as well as ridiculous. We JUST assessed the same sort of stuff in the kids' progress reports less than a month ago, and now we have to do it all over again with very slight variation for every single kid, AND this assessment will be used to evaluate the kids' readiness for next level, which is just silly because the majority of those who haven't reached certain benchmarks yet will have reached them by the end of the year... utterly silly.

So during this hour I do as much of that as I can, which today meant I did the reports, did some lesson planning, and managed to finish ONE assessment. I have sooo much left to do. When when when. Where is the time for it. I'm not paid a salary. I'm hourly. They literally expect me to do it on my unpaid breaks and whatnot. And it's not even stuff that can be accomplished in an hour - especially when everyone else also needs to accomplish the same things, we're all off duty at the same time, and first come first serve at the computers haha.

Now that hours up, so I go to wake the kids, all 1-3 yos, from their nap. One of the kids throws a tantrum, so my co-teacher takes him outside. They're gone for fifteen minutes, which is precious time right now because there is, again, so much to do. Wake all the kids, get them in their shoes, sitting at the table, drinking their water. Clean up their futons. Take their temperatures. Document stuff in their notebooks agaaaain. Hand out allergy snacks. Hand out home snacks. Hand out school snacks. Check everything off on a plethora of checklists. As they finish, wipe their hands and faces, make them drink more water, help them clean up, check their diapers, change their diapers, watch them play, send them home with their parents or to extracurriculars, clean up the crumbs, clean up the tables and chairs, clean the floor, vacuum, clean up the garbage, watch the kids play.

Because the co-teacher is gone for 15 minutes, I'm the only one, the ONLY one, taking care of all the kids who are eating. I have a kid who will stuff his mouth so full of food that he'll start to choke, so I have to diligently give him one bite at a time until he's finished, in between cleaning. There are two other teachers in charge of diapers and the notebooks (who for some reason just didn't do the notebooks today?? I'm not really sure what happened there). It's supposed to be two and two, so there's no one to help me. I have to do all the cleaning, wiping, diaper-checking, and breaking down by myself. By the time my co-teacher comes back, she's off duty. So I have to deal with tantrum kid too, whose current mood is "say no to everything." He screams while I desperately try to put away all the tables so there's room for kids to walk, and sweep the floor so they don't have to walk on squashed grapes and cake. Between doing all the overseeing and cleaning myself, I was on my feet doing physical stuff for 55 minutes. Usually we're cleaned up in 40 minutes. Ah, there's that 15 minutes. (Not my co-teacher's fault though - the kid needed to be taken care of. It's just that we're expected to do SO MUCH in a single hour.) Also it's really freaking hot, and yeah we use AC, but there's a lot of bodies in the room and when I checked the thermostat, some alien person had set it to 25. I was like nope nope 23, 23 it is. Suddenly the room was a lot more bearable (9_9)

So now I can FINALLY sit down with the kids who are playing. It is literally four minutes till clock out time. I find a kid who threw a fit about changing his diaper, who I'd managed, while cleaning up, to cajole into doing it by himself. He had put his diaper on backwards. I tried to fix it, he tried to run away, he fell and started to cry. This is that kid with the hypersensitive parents I've mentioned before. Guess when his mom decides to arrive? Yup, just that moment.

She acts fine, I fix his diaper, he stops crying and goes off happily. When I go to clock out, I see mom changing his entire outfit. The parents have told us that if their kid sweats, we need to change his clothes. We already change kids' clothes if they get wet or are sweaty. Today we didn't go outside because it's too hot. Their kid didn't get particularly sweaty staying inside. His shirt wasn't wet at all. But the mom changed all his clothes. I am bracing myself to hear about it tomorrow.

But I keep thinking. When the hell was I going to think to change this not sweaty kid's clothes?? At what point during the day did I have a moment to do anything except frantically run around doing as much as I possibly can? I have not sat down all day except to work through my break. I've eaten nothing but a little bit of rice myself because lunch time was so busy. I'm exhausted, hungry, and hot. Someone give me a break to change my sweaty clothes, lol!

I want to do everything possible to keep the kids happy and healthy but I absolutely have no idea when I or my coteachers had a moment to think about anything not 100% essential. I'm just fried.

I felt a little... not vindicated, but seen, I guess, the other week after some leaders came for yearly observations, and their feedback was that our class is doing great, but I'm doing too much. They really encouraged my coteachers to help me more. And while I am most DEFINITELY doing waaaay too much, it's also too much to expect more of co-teachers, because the veteran teacher is also doing a lot more than she should be, and the rookie has only been here a month. She's trying but she hasn't developed the skill for behavior management yet, and she doesn't know how to anticipate what I'm doing. Plus I know she is EXHAUSTED everyday. Last Friday she was so anemic that she had to go lie down and I stayed late to cover her shift. I don't blame her one bit. This is too busy and fast-paced a school for a first-timer learning the ropes. I'm glad it wasn't my first school. She is working really hard and doing so well, and my other co-teacher is amazing. It's none of our fault we just have TOO MUCH WORK, not enough time, and not enough staff.

I'm just counting the days until Obon break, ugh.

[the-firebird69]

Couple more things are going on and pretty huge

-this place is about to tear open every few minutes and he's morons keep saying they're using our power because they can't do it it's a lie it's because Tommy f is above and if they do they're going to be under his reign and it won't ever change so we are figure out the problem is what these idiots are finally doing. They see the ship and they hear him obstructing and lo and behold it makes sense so now we are hearing the warlock get ready to try and move the ship and then suck at it real bad hello attracts attention in the Sudo empire might try to do it. But at least they know what it is and that was really really annoying and these people will never be tolerated again.

-additionally they are preparing to fight over our son as to where to move him and in town and they are trying to get weapons really they want to kidnap him onto a ship and subjugate him. So we're coming into town and we are arresting them and taking their things and doing both really and tons of it all last night what's going on it is huge and this thing with the ferry has saved a lot of effort because the pseudo empire starts to mess them up and vice versa that which brings us to the next topic

-the bunkers of the pseudo empire were breached and huge huge groups of morlocks started to attack. Right now in the eastern hemisphere the southern portion within Africa the Sahara and the Congo are at 15% lost the doors in portion of the Russian tundra and Europe and is it about 20% lost the Western hemisphere had a rough night Brazil and that area are at 20% lost and Northern New England 30% lost the upper Midwest 10% lost and the Canadian Air around PC level 15% lost and Washington and Oregon are 10% loss but these are significant losses on the others were ancillary bunkers these are their main facilities and we didn't say that but we were told to and now they are up the Eastern hemisphere there moving out with very large Army's of warlock. Huge huge armies from getting up there about a percent total and it's huge and they are going to devastate these bunkers and probably themselves with bugs it's going to be gross again that's the number we'll reduce once again right now we are at 34.5%, no it's about 35% and that's what it is.

-additional to the above there's other battles in worse than a heating up last night there's a huge numbers at The burning Man and Canary Islands they're gigantic and today it's going to be bigger and tonight as well we anticipate those kaiju bring up within a couple days. It's going on now is increasing and ferocity

-included in what's going on with the warlock attacks are attacks by the empire on people but usually it's their own and we monitor their toys after the warlock physically too and they're going after them very hard and let's see that the Macklemore locker shrinking in almost gone and it's time for them to attack it's significant their forces are numerous and they're going an organized fashion and wiping them out and it said it too and we've had it with you you're idiots get off the stupid radio and they won't shut up for any price

-there's a huge number of them that are not giggling or laughing now they're laughing but there's also another thing happening and by the way the numbers that these groups of Max are getting going to be significant today very significant on the pseudo empire has a blockade it's going to start a war between the two groups that's going to be everywhere and real and heard all the time until they're both gone they're trying to break through over in Australia and not doing very well and New Zealand or just sent out to attack people like Michael too and he heard it and he said screw these people and start attacking and pulling them out it's going to continue until the islands are not blockaded and we feel and it says a blockade the other Islands so they're getting attacked by them too it's not very smart cuz they already have the fleetful cuz these guys

-there are several people here who need out and people would say it and they're going to get eviction notices today and they're going to sick they can't stand these people at all and they're fighting a war with them and they want them to hell out of here and they want them out of town permanently

-brings us to the evacuation which is going well we're at 12%, they are bringing in two cruise ships like I said and finishing up outfitting the fairies to take them to the ships. And they will start that fairly soon they have buses and they're going to evacuate people there's about 10 million of them here and they're going to be relocating them and they're moving out pretty quick today we expect probably another 4% and we have information that says at least 3%. But individuals are coming here and find out they can't stay but they are still coming here but not as much the pseudo empire stopped there rating and such it's just that they don't want to stay but we expect a huge evacuation today

-couple of things for in the news factories are restarting at a decent rate finally it has been misery with these idiots around and we noticed when our son and daughter were saying to make some sort of thing they can go to and get rid of themselves and we're thinking of what to do and we are advising something but right away we thought of what to do with regular plants and we are going to acquire a lot today we're up to about 690% factories reactivated and today is going to push it up over the top it's not going to be as huge but it's sitting the stage there's about 20% of what it will be and it will be about 10% of the number so it will go up like 50% but that's pretty big for a day I was taking a big huge leeps recently. There's more

-in addition to the above factories a lot of special projects are beginning and it's because of what the max are up to that people need to do it and they see they're running around and they need speed and they need agility and offer ability and fly cars in there moving out on tons of stuff we have orders in to purchase tons of chassis of and by a foreign concerns and we are selling a bunch of them from all over the world and they're going to make certain vehicles one of them that came up a lot in discussion was the Corvette. They said you change the tires and rims and it goes 500 miles an hour and these people are poor and stupid so they're buying up tons of them there's just huge lots full of them and they found other supercars and they're buying those and they put them on the road and they're doing the job everywhere. So making new cars out of the chassis and they're trying to make existing models it's not really working that great who tried to match up the bodies of used cars with the new ones and that's not working out it takes too much work so they're going to make it cars and they're going to make a lot of special Maserati four-door Porsche and all sorts of things like that and it said that's great and they need it and we've got to orders like 10% of what we have and that's very big and it's going to grow this week

-and additionally we have people here who seem to think that they know how to suck on that and stuff like that and then you go get killed thankfully

-please do those is there up to go good and need to leave and that's going to start happening today not right here but all over the place in Charlotte county

Well shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

You don't want anything published then again we don't want to do anything and we just suck real bad and we're getting cordoned off by our own and it's poor negotiation skills and that's what it is

Bja plus the fact that Trump took everything

The Sasha's and Cassius last night in the western hemisphere we're rated to about 65% remaining that's a lot and people are up again and they need it and the minorities are doing it and they need it and they're ripping the s*** out of them this would be huge numbers of morlocks gone today giant numbers and it's happening in the USA too but more so down south the Eastern hemisphere is down to roughly 50% or 55% today we expect them to lose some huge chunk of it and folders are going at them foreigners and they are letting them to waste and driving over them in the tunnels and they need more stuff and the targeting heavy so I can do that and they're going to continuously do it now and we think that they'll pull out 15% and they're going to go after trucks very heavy and they're going to evacuate because they'll have to add more shortly

Thor Freya

[theghostpinesmusic]

I've been traveling for a bit, so I haven't been watching any new shows, but I have a little catching up to do, so today I'm going to write at you about the 7/29/23 "Fuego"! From Arkansas!

As in "I'm in Arkansas right now," not "This Phish concert was in Arkansas," because it was in New York City, where all Phish concerts are now contractually held.

This was the second show of the summer MSG run, and it was just as good as the first. If I was being a neurotic Fandom fan, I'd say that the first show was a wee bit better because it had better paced-setlist, but I don't rate Phish shows anymore. I'm in recovery!

Anyway, the first set of this show has a freaking excellent, bliss-jammed version of "Down With Disease" as well as a well-placed "Bug," cleanly-played versions of Trey bugbears "Sugar Shack" and "Foam," and closes with a barn-burning version of "Moonage Daydream."

The second set is anchored by the "Fuego," for sure (it's thirty minutes long, as we'll get to), but also has a great post-jam landing pad in "Oblivion," a great ballad tune in "Wingsuit," and a weird and wonderful take on "2001" that melts into some Fishman shenanigans toward the end of the set.

In short and as usual, it's all good, but Phish saw fit to post the "Fuego" online, and I like writing about music a lot but not enough to talk about the whole show in detail, so we're gonna focus on that.

"Fuego," for any uninitiated, is from the same-titled 2014 album, which, like most latter-day Phish albums is weirdly paced but also full of good songs that get shit on because they weren't written in the 90s. "Fuego" in particular is a great example of a post-breakup Phish tune that contains lots of the proggy twists and turns fans say they want to hear in the new tunes, but it often gets poo-poo'd anyway because it isn't literally "You Enjoy Myself" or "Divided Sky."

I like it a lot. It's a fun composition that throws a lot of different ideas out there and, like the best Phish tunes, stitches them together seamlessly. Everyone gets moments to shine, but to me "Fuego" is primarily a Jon Fishman showcase.

Since there are a lot of instrumental passages built into this one, it can be hard for the non-fan to figure out what's composed and what's improvised, so, for your reference, the song proper runs up through 5:15.

From there, we start with what I'd call a typical outro, following the song's chords and Trey playing variations on the song's main melody in a grungy blues tone. While this isn't immediately that exciting, the lights sure are. I seriously can't get over this rig, even just watching from home.

Things start to get a little weirder right before 7:00, when Trey changes his tone to something spacier and chunkier (I think of this as one of his quintessential post-COVID tour tones). It's not until 7:45, though, that we really start to break away from the song entirely. Here, Page adds some synth droning, and Fish starts playing a more complicated beat. Trey reprises the "Fuego" melody a few more times, not entirely letting it go yet, but you feel the band starting to launch.

At 8:35, Trey starts chording instead of solo, and we're off to the races. The lights seems to respond in kind.

Even though we're in a much jauntier, abstract space by 9:15, thanks mostly to Trey and Page's playing, I appreciate that Trey still takes a minute to reprise the "Fuego" melody again, reminding us where we came from.

There's a really gorgeous section of Trey and Page interplay starting at 9:45. Fish and Mike do a great job of filling in the edges here but not getting in the way as the other two play off of each other. This leads into a really upbeat, unique jam section. Mike's bass eventually takes on a sort of droning quality that encircles the jam and holds it in place for a bit.

At 11:20, Fish changes up the beat, and the band moves toward something with a little more form to it. By 11:45, it's Trey and Mike that are playing off of each other, while Page has moved over the clav. For a minute here, it's hard for me to tell which is the guitar and which is the bass, Trey's guitar is so wonderfully distorted.

They come out of the distortion in a bit more of a traditionally Phish-y space, and though Trey seems to struggle playing what he wants to be playing here briefly, it's a nice section of the jam anyway. Fishman's drums remind me a bit of "Manteca," and I found myself singing the lyrics while I was watching this live. The rest of the band seems to lock on to the "Manteca" feel, and we get a jam that highlights Page's piano and Trey's...robot guitar (?) in equal measures.

I didn't pick up Mike's playing on this too much when I watched the whole show because of the mix on the webcast, but I can hear him a lot better now through my headphones and he's a much bigger part of the sound of this jam that I realized before. As usual. Go Mike!

Around 17:15, Trey switches from his murky tone to the quintessential sharp, clear Phish tone and proceeds to absolutely rip a solo. He and Page have another great moment of chemistry here, and though Fishman's initially introduce some tension with the feel-good soloing, eventually he and Mike help power Trey and Page to some major-key fun.

At 19:05, the band engages in some stop-start jamming, which is always good for a few "Woo!"s from the crowd. At 19:35, though, Trey jumps right back into playing smoothly, and leads the rest of the band into what sounds to me for all the world like a "Golden Age" jam. I wondered the first time and again now if they were originally planning to go into "Golden Age" here (I'm not-entirely-but-mostly-sure it's in the same key and everything). Regardless, Mike is an absolute beast out in front of this part of the jam while everyone else is adding some fantastic accents.

To clarify, I am not sad that this jam does not turn into "Golden Age": this section is amazing, and reminds me of some of my favorite dark, funky jamming from the early 2000s, post-hiatus.

It feels to me (again, not a music theory guy) that Trey throws out a key change at 23:28, which changes the feel of the jam again, moving us toward a more uplifting space. Page switches to the piano, Fishman simplifies the beat to something a bit more rock-and-roll, and Mike...well, Mike just keeps doing his Mike thing. Which is fine. It feels though like the band is rounding the bend on the space exploration that has been this jam here, though, and heading back to the barn. If I'm not mistaken, this new section of the jam is in the original key of "Fuego," so we're musically as well as existentially back at home base. Pretty sure Page teases the "Fuego" melody a few times here.

Of course not content to just roll to the finish line, the band takes one last foray into space around 26:30, with Trey moving to the octave shifter and the music becoming...circular? I'm not sure what you'd actually call it, but it's great and the lights are insane. I feel like I'm at EPCOT Center in the 80s. It's these sudden, brief-but-intense forays into different soundscapes that makes me love post-COVID Phish so much (among other things). A show (or a run of shows) with so many of these little moments would have easily been in the conversation for show of the year between 2009 and 2019, but now it's just sort of seen as "normal." I hope it never stops making me as happy as it does now.

Brilliantly, Trey signals the return to "Fuego" at 28:08, at which point, watching live, I remember standing up from the couch and literally pumping my fist at the TV in joy. For the next minute or so, the band expertly weaves the previous jam and the "Fuego" melody in and out of each other as the music ever so slowly winds down. Ultimately, the jam/song lands perfectly in "Oblivion," though, unfortunately, the stand-alone YouTube video cuts off before you get to hear it.

It's wild to listen to this again and immediately think that if this had been a jam at, say, a 2014 or 2018 show, it would likely have automatically been seen as the jam of the year. Here, in 2023, it's just one of many such performances I've already seen in the first four shows of this seven show run, and is probably outclassed by at least a few jams from the band's December MSG run (as well as the recent 2024 Mexico run that I haven't listened through yet). It's a crazy time to be getting back into Phish, and it's moments like these that have me thinking about making the drive out to Denver this summer for the first time since 2017 to see them play for four nights.

Anyway, more from summer 2023 soon!

FUEGOOOOOOOOOOO

[sonic-spirit]

AAAAAHHHHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA...! WEEELLLLLLL...! If I'd known I'd be working a camp day today I would've made some very different choices last night! Namely, I probably wouldn't have drunk almost an entire bottle of wine by myself...!

So...! Yeah! Yesterday was nice, I made shepherd's pie (technically cottage pie cuz nope, not paying extra for lamb...!) for Thanksgiving, had a lovely day with my mates, and it was super nice! Also I drank an entire bottle of red wine, minus the cup that went into the shepherd's pie, by myself. We hung out, watched Voyager, and just had a nice, chill day together. Went to bed late, because though I was scheduled to work today, there was nothing in the schedule, so I figured I'd roll up this afternoon and do barn chores.

Fast forward to 7am this morning, when I'm woken by a call from my boss. "Whoops! Did I forget to tell you that we have a Thanksgiving Break camp today? Yeah, you need to go get there and get the horses ready and check in the campers by 9!" Feck! Yeah, no, no one told me. So I shove my shit to work, catch the horses, get them tacked up as quick as possible, and contemplate whether I'll be upchucking the entire contents of my insides soon. Fortunately, trailering the horses from the pastures we keep them in to the park we do lessons and stuff out of gave me long enough sitting and not moving too much to get over the worst of that.

Fortunately, there were only 3 kids. 9am to 2pm is still a pretty long time to babysit alone, but at least I had horses to entertain them with. My boss had given me the go-ahead to let them ride twice, so I was able to let them know we'd do lessons before and after lunch, and we were able to fill the rest of the time with visiting the pond and meeting some probably abandoned pet ducks, graining, watering, and cleaning up after the horses, and them grooming the horses, on top of snack and lunch. So it all worked out.

They liked me, and I certainly don't think that they were the "little monsters" A described them as, though the two older ones did have an adversarial best friend dynamic I didn't love, and one was pretty demanding and liked to play the why game, even though she's a bit old for it. Look, kid, don't ask me about why we stand when the horses pee while we're riding them if you don't want to know the answer! But overall they were fine and did well. A hadn't let them trot Wednesday, and we didn't have a camp session yesterday, cuz national holiday, and I didn't quite realize how far behind where I'd expected them to be, so we did a lot of back-tracking in the first lesson to get them up to speed after the first round of "What the fuck is happening right now," trotting.

We started the second lesson with a short trail ride, where I climbed on Lucky to lead them on the 20 minute trail. Buuut I'd also brought Milly, because I like her and will take any excuse to do something with her (I'd already hopped on and used her as a demo horse in the morning lesson), but I didn't trust her on the trail. So we head out, hear her crying, I feel bad for having her stuck alone, and then the whinny is louder than it should be. Nearer. We look behind us, and there Milly is, bringing up the rear of our little trail ride and looking very pleased with having untied herself. So, I swung off and ponied her from Lucky's back the rest of the way out and back. She did fine! And I liked having her on there, honestly. ^_^ Gives me a good way to trust her more on a trail. I'd really like to take her on trails, myself. Fuck, I'm in so much trouble with that horse.

[ambersky0319]

My PE teacher is actually just. Frickin amazing

And maybe it's cause it's PE online but like

He gives us so many days where he's just like "letting you guys have the day off don't even showing up for attendance you're all good to just skip class" and just

He has us follow along to a workout video on youtube

He actually follows along as well

The video is beginner-intermediate level so that's also great

And just

I think I lucked out with this teacher 😅