#also typical actor reaction

[jamesrodayrodriguezpresents]

legacytheatrect James Roday Rodriguez is here at Legacy working on MASTERS OF PUPPETS, and wants YOU to donate to Legacy during the Great Give! The Great Give ends at 8pm this evening – don't forget to get your gift in!

[Technically the fundraiser is over but you can still donate here if you'd like to and can help out.]

[eisthenameofme]

was trying to look up acting advice ahead of going to a larp for the first time and all of this advice is So Incredibly Neurotypical

[johnbrand]

Prodigal Son

To read the first part, follow this link.

With @sjw-publishings

Alexander Carmen nervously followed the kind pastor through the back of the church. He did not feel unwelcome by any means, but certainly like he did not belong here. It was improper for someone like him to be able to see the inner workings of a church–as a gay man who enjoyed the worldly spoils, Alexander was practically stepping into enemy territory. But he dutifully kept speed with the Korean-American man just a few years his senior. 

The pastor had a run-of-the-mill, slightly older guy-next-door look that Alexander typically would have on the street passed by without giving a second thought. But his average qualities also had a certain flair, enough so that Alexander could see himself sporting a slight boner. And he had, their initial physical touch having sent a current from his shoulder straight down to his crotch. Luckily, his dick had since deflated from its excitement, the blood flow in his moving legs helping resolve the unfortunate issue.

“Please, brother,” Pastor Bang opened the door to a small office. “Take a seat in front of my desk and we can discuss your worries.”

Placing his firm grip on Alexander’s shoulder once more, the twink again felt the shiver of ecstasy course along his vein. He did his best to hide the boner awakening underneath his linen shorts.

Following the instruction politely, Alexander placed himself in the assigned chair. Typically, he acted out as quite the brat, one who liked to mess around and avoid orders as playfully as could be. He was one to tease, coyly flirt, and craft up anything necessary that could be complimented with a reaction. As a trouper, Alexander was a natural theatric, and in turn the world was his stage. Everyone had a part to play in relation to his flamboyant protagonist.

“I’m here searching for someone,” Alexander began, his plea whiny. “I just don’t know where he is and it’s freaking me out! I mean we were supposed to meet up thirty minutes ago, and I know that isn’t too long but then when I saw that he was here I got confused because I’d never heard of him being religious before. In fact, I’ve never even heard of this church before. I mean is the Covenant of the Brotherhood new? Anyway…”

Alexander continued to ramble on, taking in the room around him as he did so. The office was small, quaint, and only really held the necessary materials. A bookshelf containing theological literature, a single monitor at least ten years old, two degrees and a number of other certificates on the wall behind the pastor. The room was practically colorless, even the sole picture of Pastor Bang and (whom Alexander assumed to be) his girlfriend was printed in black and white. Eventually, Alexander realized he was still talking, and the pastor had not yet replied to him.

“Are you, are you going to say anything?” Alexander cut himself off, toying with his rainbow wristband. He was a bit dismayed that the other man had not yet made a response. 

Pastor Bang shrugged, indifferent. “Sounds like you are worried, brother.”

Alexander blinked. He tried to hold back the burst of red that threatened to color his olive cheeks. “Did you listen to a single thing I said?” Alexander thrived off of reactions, he practically centered his life around them. It influenced how he acted, influenced the manner in which he presented himself. It was why his voice held its signature nasally pitch, why he had dyed his hair platinum blond.

And yet, Pastor Bang offered him nothing. “Clarify for me, what are you so worried about?”

“I’m looking for John Brand,” Alexander spat loudly, as if he and the pastor spoke different languages.

“No need to waste your vocal chords unnecessarily.” The command was simple and direct, silencing Alexander. He was not used to being treated this way, engaging in such a manner. And yet, something about the simple anomaly roused Alexander. It also a-roused his dick, which throbbed lightly.

“I’m an actor,” Alexander seethed. “I know how to properly dictate.”

The pastor cocked his head innocently, “I believe you’re mistaken?”

This caught Alexander a bit, leaving his reply a bit staggered. “I have a theatre degree…?”

“It’s a diploma in Bible Studies, brother,” the pastor corrected. “And you haven’t graduated yet.”

“I um…” Alexander stuttered, suddenly bewildered. Was he not only a few years younger than the pastor? He was not still in school; he had graduated, had he not? But then again, why would Pastor Bang lead him astray? The man was eight years older than him, by that math eight years wiser.

“Oh yeah…my bad haha!” Alexander awkwardly chuckled, subtly palming himself under the table. For some reason, the strange moment had only further excited him. “But please, have you seen my boyfriend?”

“Your boyfriend?” Pastor Bang's response was steady, as if the concept was impossible to him. “Do you mean your brother in the Covenant?”

Alexander's cock twitched. “Mmmyes daddy…” He moaned under his breath before suddenly catching himself. “-I mean my boyfriend! We are gay, pastor, we are both gay!”

“Brother, I know you’re happy to see me,” Pastor Bang misunderstood. “But now is not the time to use such language and act like the Prodigal Son.”

Alexander did not know how to reply without repeating his sexuality. But the words could not leave his mouth, it was too hard. His dick was too hard. Alexander could feel it writhing within his jockstrap.

“I believe you are worried about other things,” the pastor continued. “You already have a lot on your plate outside of our church. Admittedly the typical of every other Asian-American boy your age: the straight A GPA, jogging sessions, intramural soccer. But presenting for the Youth Ministry should be your passion.”

The sudden intake of information overwhelmed Alexander. The foreign existential weight piled up, burdening him under its sheer power. These new facts barged in upon the young man without any warning, forcing an evacuation of sorts within Alexander's mind. It made him dizzy. Alexander suddenly felt the need to escape.

“Uhhh, Pastor Bang, thanks for your guidance!” Alexander sputtered out, his blood coursing south as if his heart had suddenly moved to his pouch. “I have to uhh…go to the restroom, duty calls!”

“That’s alright, brother,” Pastor Bang extended his hand. “I need to practice for my upcoming sermon anyway.”

Quickly, Alexander accepted the firm shake. An electric surge shot across his entire body, delivering bliss to every one of his nerves and dulling his wristband into a modern, ordinary watch. Alexander's manhood was calling for him, begging to be touched with the hand he had just offered to Pastor Bang. Without waiting a moment longer, he made a beeline to the restroom, not questioning how he knew the way. Within moments Alexander was locked into a stall, so hot and flustered that he considered removing his tee shirt.

“Can’t resist…so good,” Alexander grunted softly. Carefully, Alexander gripped himself, the immense pleasure nearly paralyzing him. “Pastor Bang is…mmmmf…”

As if having heard his name, the shepherding tone of the pastor began to broadcast into the restroom. Pastor Bang, having returned to the altar in the main hall, had begun practicing his sermon. And with the speaker system live, his words were able to echo clearly throughout the entire church.

Alexander groaned as the paternal voice rang out within the restroom. His manhood was sandwiched between his legs, begging for release and yet not being granted it. Something was holding Alexander back, but he could not understand what. It was as if the appendages were built for other purposes, their length and lean muscle holding other obligations. His legs were meant for a goalkeeper–on the field and in real life. And the two extra inches of height that pushed Alexander over the average signified that he was meant to set an example without standing apart from his fellow brother.

“I need to…need to pull up something,” Alexander said to himself, grabbing his phone. In seconds, he had clicked on a bookmark for one of his favorite porn videos. But instead of two men wrapped together, his phone presented him with two men standing apart, fully clothed. Speaking on the roles of masculinity as determined in the Bible.

“Didn’t I have some-” Alexander could no longer identify what he had been trying to find. “-fun videos or something?”

“Brothers are expected to help one another physically and emotionally, but not romantically,” Pastor Bang’s voice suddenly filled the room. Alexander grunted, his vocal tone dropping a touch and sneaking farther back into his throat. His fingers messily tapped away at his device, lengthening into more robust digits as they searched for other materials to work with. His documents tab was filled with highly-graded papers, his emails a mix of project assignments and group collaborations.

“Don’t I have photos I could use, man?” Alexander asked himself, his voice now holding a youthful maturity that mimicked the pastor’s. He desperately continued to scroll through his phone, his arms tensing and relaxing as their muscles expanded slightly. Not to an egregious amount, but just enough to fit in with his peers, just like his clean-cut, trusty phone did.

“Man, who are these people?” Alexander blinked, his gallery filled with many of the same individuals. He was not expecting most of the pictures to be of him out on the soccer field, around a college campus, and at Youth Ministry. Nor was he expecting them to be filled with the same Asian-American men, all practical copies of each other besides the slightest differences. It took Alexander a moment to even find himself in some of them. His own lemony skin had the same hue as the rest of the men, his smaller eyes identical to the crew's. Even their frames were alike, not a single chest broader or pack of abdominals more prominent. 

“Can’t believe I forgot about my guys, man!” Alexander chuckle was friendly. “No homo though!”

The last phrase blurted out on its own, but Alexander was too captivated in his screen to realize it. His manhood enjoyed the remark however, perking up to be just large enough to fulfill its new role. Or rather, its traditional role. Consequently, Alexander’s bubble butt deflated into two flattened mounds, their responsibilities stripped away.

Eventually, Alexander landed on an album filled with selfies of him and another person. A lady friend of his own age, who with her Asian-American beauty complimented him nicely.

“Man, who is she…?” Alexander rubbed the back of his head shyly, the raven, feathered curtain bangs tickling his fingers. “She’s…kinda cute mannn…”

With that realization, Alexander’s manhood trembled in great force. He instinctively knew what to do, but as his hand made its way down to the straight-fit joggers encasing his legs, Alexander found himself lost. He needed to do something, but Alexander could not recall what. He could remember his younger peers had mentioned something before that required his hands. Was it assisting in some kind of job? Or something about being “a jerk off”?

“I gotta grip my pen…pen…!” Alexander suffered to get the word out of his mouth. It was right on the tip of his tongue.

“And us men shall be abstinent until the day of marriage with our wives.” Pastor Bang announced as he concluded his sermon.

“...gotta grip my pen-dant!” Alexander exclaimed. With one hand on his quarter-zip, he shoved the other underneath the sweater and pulled out his cross pendant, holding it firmly. With his free hand, and in pure euphoria, Alexander moved his zipper back and forth along its tread. Up and down, up and down. He could feel himself getting close, approaching something incredible. His manhood was throbbing as he approached a breaking point.

Out of nowhere, a knock came onto the stall door. “Everything okay, brother?” Pastor Bang asked.

“Mmmmf yes...Father!” A rush of spiritual ecstasy cascaded over the young man, for no physical outburst was necessary to solidify his glorious transformation. Once the wave had dissipated, the young man stood up and opened the stall door. 

“Sorry Pastor Bang,” the handsome, yet rather standard young Chinese-American man began.

“All good, brother,” Pastor Bang smiled. “I was just checking in to see if you were still worried about the presentation?”

“I was just texting my girlfriend to see if she could make it." The young man approached the sinks, checking himself out momentarily in the mirror. Carefully, he pulled his zipper up to the top of its track. After all, he had to maintain the role of a cool big brother; he did not want to be scandalous in front of the students. "It will be my fiftieth presentation for the Youth Ministries!”

Proudly, the young man left the restroom and ventured forth to his classroom. Once inside, he was greeted by his many students–a group of rowdy Asian-American boys–and Anna, his beautiful girlfriend since high school, sitting behind the teacher's desk.

“Ay-Ay Ron!” one of the backsliders shouted, and soon the whole class joined in a boisterous chorus. The young man smiled and exchanged a look with his girlfriend, knowing his Anna was not fond of the silly nickname.

“About time you got here, Aaron,” Anna greeted him with a peck on the cheek. “Leaving me all alone for so long with these guys is quite the hassle.”

“Ooommf…haha sorry sweetheart.” Aaron cheekily rubbed the back of his neck, squeezing his inflated manhood between his thighs. “Cannot help myself from being a goofball every now and then–just like my students!”

Aaron’s manly, yet cute chuckle was the kind that made everyone want to be just like him. A typical college student, one with the crowd, blending in with his brothers and talking about the simple things that excited them. Without delaying any longer, Aaron booted up his monitor and the projector, his presentation soon lighting up on the wall behind him.

“As you all know, my name is Aaron Chang,” Aaron started. “And for my fiftieth presentation, I'll be discussing: ‘Aaron Chang-ing Lives; For the Better, For the Hetter’!”

[bohoteacher]

Navigating Betrayal: Reconciling Admiration with Disillusionment

Like many Neil Gaiman fans this month, I've been shocked and distressed by the news regarding the SA allegations. I won't go over the details, as they're readily available online. I'll start by saying that I believe the accusers, and even the most lenient interpretation of events is still troubling enough to discredit Gaiman. For a long time, I didn't know what to say. I was just shocked and, somewhat naively, felt betrayed. I don't typically idolize actors, authors, or other public figures—I'm here for the characters, they're who I love and believe in. So, how did I end up believing in this man and his rhetoric?

I only had a parasocial relationship with him, which is to say no real relationship at all. But I took his Masterclass on writing, spent hours taking notes, and learned from him. I feel betrayed by someone I saw as a beloved teacher. I know this is insignificant compared to what the women who came forward experienced, but it's a valid feeling, and I needed time to process it. My initial reaction was to throw out and discount everything he’s ever written or done—of course it was.

This isn't just about my love for Good Omens, although how can it not be? I learned so much from this man—about writing, about not being too hard on myself, about the creative process. I read his books to my middle school classes, and we all learned how to be better people from them. Today, I saw and bought Instructions, a children’s book by Neil Gaiman illustrated by Charles Vess, from the used bookstore where I volunteer. It was a used copy, so no royalties will go to him. It’s a beautifully illustrated book where the main character walks through a land that clearly symbolizes life, learning lessons like saying please and "if any creature cries to you that it hurts, if you can, ease its pain." How could someone write this and then do what he did? I asked myself. "What an evil hypocrite," was my first thought. But then I recalled a line from another author, Stephen King. In The Stand, a character is described as "awake at the lectern, but asleep at the switch," meaning they know the right thing to do and can talk about it, but in the moment of choice, they act without integrity.

I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I think it’s too easy to label Gaiman as simply evil, as if he intentionally manipulated us by saying the right things just to make us read or watch his creations. The reality is likely far more complicated. Within this man is the amazing, thought-provoking, life-affirming wisdom that many of us have tried to live by, but also the hard, thoughtless, selfish cruelty that led him to abuse young, vulnerable women. The wisdom does not justify the abuse, and the abuse does not nullify the wisdom.

I think it's too simplistic to say Gaiman is despicable and always has been, hiding it from us all along. This doesn't acknowledge the complexity of human nature—that there is potential for both good and bad within us all. As it’s said, possibly by Terry Pratchett or possibly by Neil Gaiman, “It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

Gaiman is a man who has done some fundamentally good things and some fundamentally bad things. I can’t forget either one.

This is just my opinion. I know some people want to cancel him, while others want to exonerate him. You do you. As for me, I will continue to love Aziraphale and Crowley. I will continue to read and create fan-fiction. I will continue to find comfort and wisdom in books that have meant so much to me over the years. But I will also remember that they were created by a very flawed man whom I can no longer trust.

I understand that opinions on this matter vary widely. I know some people might feel that not discarding everything associated with him is wrong, but this is where I stand. I’m not looking to debate this or be told how I should react. I just needed to process my thoughts in writing and move forward in the way that feels right for me.

[sunflowerdigs]

Because I'm really tired of people getting this wrong. Queer coding is when a character is implied to be queer through significant subtext rather than being explicitly identified as queer. In film and TV, it developed because the Hays Code did not allow queer characters to be portrayed positively on screen, so writers/actors/directors had to get creative if they wanted to portray them. It's a somewhat controversial practice now because it typically relies a great deal on stereotypes. Additionally, queer coding has been used more often for villains in mainstream productions than for heroes.

Anyway, classic queer coding typically does not involve explicitly queer characters. A recent example is Loki from the Marvel movies. He was only recently labeled bisexual and genderfluid but queer fans have read him that way since the first Thor film over a decade ago. It's partially because he's bi in the comics, but also because of costume choices, his relationship with his mother, his reliance on magic rather than brute strength and the ire that draws from his father and brother, and the way that he constantly stands in stark contrast to man's man Thor. Some of these qualities are stereotypes but stereotypes exist for a reason and more often than not, queer fans are drawn to queer coded characters rather than offended by them because they can see themselves reflected in them (see also: Disney villains).

So, yes, it makes sense for fans to view the male cheerleader as queer coded even if he wasn't specifically called out as queer, both because of the cheerleading and because of his father's homophobic reaction to it. 911 may have opted not to use an explicitly queer character in the plot for multiple reasons (Eddie's journey is just starting and he's not ready for it; 911 wants Eddie to easily accept a character who is queer coded now in order to call back to it when he's asked to accept himself; 911 wants to gently warm the audience up to Eddie's potential queerness by associating him with something queer coded). But that doesn't mean the coding isn't there (especially given all the blue and yellow in the scene).

[molagboop]

Ok I'll talk more about Raven Beak's suit.

You know how Samus' suit just up and explodes if you get her killed? At least in Mawkin powersuits, that's an intended feature for specific warrior classes.

If you were to kill Raven Beak in some way other than allowing a Metroid to juice him like a lemon, his suit would explode. That's a security feature: the Mawkin are very proud of their technology, and firmly believe that their secrets of warfare should never fall into the hands of Others: partly because they're so proud, but also for the good of the galaxy. They don't want their secrets being used by bad actors to wreak havoc.

Raven Beak is the Mawkin Warlord: as such, his suit is juiced up to the nth degree. If he were to fall in battle and his suit didn't explode, the Mawkin would be waist-high in the swamp. If, for example, the Space Pirates were to get ahold of his suit and reverse engineer it, the Mawkin would be held responsible for unleashing the means for the Pirates to create devastating weapons based on their designs.

Mawkin suits are highly optimized and possess combat capabilities and weapons that far exceed most other tribes. Raven Beak's suit has custom "firmware". His suit and the suits of a number of high echelon warriors and intelligence agents are designed to combust in a very particular way.

When the wearer's vitals fall below critical levels, the suit cannibalizes its own upgrades. The excess matter that accumulates as a result of this reaction is highly volatile, and the speed at which this all occurs helps to catalyze a fantastic explosion that ensures no technological footprint is left behind. No user data, no biometrics, no upgrades, no suit. Typically, the more upgrades you have, the grander the explosion is: that's more matter for the dying suit to push together like a play-doh ball made of dynamite.

Upon death, the Shrouded Talons' suits are designed to destroy not just the tech, but the body as well. If a unit is decommissioned, the intelligence wing of the tribe logically does not want the agent's identity to be discerned. Leave no trace and there's no trail to follow, as it were. There's a reason the Talons aren't common knowledge in intergalactic intelligence circles: they take cleaning up after themselves very seriously.

[multi-fandoms-posts]

A Magical Moment at Comic-Con

X Men Masterlist

The hall buzzes with excitement. At the Comic-Con, the day's highlight is happening: James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender, two of the biggest stars, are on stage talking about their roles in the "X-Men" films. The audience is hanging on their every word as the actors joke and interact with the fans. James grins while Michael responds in his typically calm and charming manner.

You stand backstage, observing them from a distance. The whole situation makes you smile. You feel like your heart is about to leap out of your chest, not only because of the upcoming surprise but also because of the news you’re about to share. Only the backstage crew knows that you’re about to step onto the stage. The fans are unaware, and, most importantly, James and Michael have no idea.

"All set?" asks one of the technicians backstage, glancing at you.

You nod nervously, take a deep breath, and wait for the right moment. James is telling a funny story from the filming that has the audience laughing. At just the right moment, you give the technician a signal, and he lets you through.

With a quick step, you sneak onto the stage, the noise of the crowd almost drowning out your footsteps. Some fans in the front rows notice you and start cheering. The sounds seem to catch James and Michael's attention, but they haven’t seen you yet.

Suddenly, a louder cheer erupts, and both men turn around simultaneously. Their faces are pure astonishment as they see you. James’s eyes widen, and Michael immediately smiles, his eyes sparkling with joy.

"What are you doing here?" James asks, surprised but with a hint of joy in his voice. He immediately comes over, hugs you, and pulls you closer. Michael stands there, laughing softly as he watches the two of you before joining in and hugging you too.

"This is a surprise," Michael says, his voice deep and warm. "I thought you were coming tomorrow."

You grin mischievously and look at the two of them. "Well, I thought I’d surprise you."

The crowd cheers even louder as James gives you a quick kiss on the forehead and Michael gently strokes your back. The fans seem absolutely thrilled to see you on stage, knowing about your relationship. Rumors had long circulated, but it was no surprise when you made it official.

James looks at you curiously, his brow furrowed. "There’s more to this, isn’t there?"

You swallow and laugh nervously. The moment you’ve been imagining for so long has arrived. You look at both men lovingly and take a deep breath. "Yes... actually, there’s something else I wanted to tell you."

Michael raises an eyebrow. "Oh? What could that be?"

The crowd falls silent as they sense something big is coming. You feel the tension in the air, the anticipatory thrill. You take their hands, one in each of yours, and smile broadly.

"I’m pregnant," you finally say, feeling your heartbeat quicken. "With twins."

The reaction is straight out of a movie. James’s eyes widen, and he stares at you for a moment, speechless. Then a broad grin spreads across his face, and he pulls you into a tight hug. "What? Twins?!" he exclaims loudly and joyfully. "That’s incredible!"

Michael remains calm for a moment before he starts laughing slowly, his laughter deep and full of happiness. He places a hand on your belly and looks into your eyes. "Twins... that’s wonderful, Y/N." He pulls you close and gives you a gentle kiss. "I can’t wait."

The crowd around you explodes into cheers and applause. Some fans even stand up and clap enthusiastically. James and Michael are still completely speechless with joy, and you stand between them, overwhelmed by their reactions and the emotions of the moment. You feel like you’re floating on air as both men happily embrace you.

"I still can’t believe it," James murmurs in your ear. "Twins!"

Michael nods in agreement and smiles at James. "So, we’re going to have two little McFassys soon."

The crowd laughs as the term is mentioned. You laugh too, shaking your head and feeling incredibly loved. It’s a moment you’ll never forget—a moment of joy, surprise, and boundless happiness.

[amybizarre]

🎄✨𝓐𝓭𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓢𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓝𝓻. 𝓕𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓽𝓮𝓮𝓷✨🎄

𝓟𝓻𝓸𝓶𝓹𝓽: Mistletoe (Their reactions to being under it with you.)

𝓐𝓵𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓷𝓪𝓽𝓮: All

𝓣𝔂𝓹𝓮: Headcanons

𝓞𝓹𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓸𝓭𝓪𝔂'𝓼 𝓭𝓸𝓸𝓻!

OG

Doesn't initially understand what the mistletoe stands for. You chuckle at his innocent question and explain it to him, before giving him a gentle smooch on the forehead.

Opposite

As soon as he notices the mistletoe above you and him, he glares daggers at you. Scared, you don't dare to challenge him. He's secretly disappointed and scoffs, crossing his arms. Later, when no one else is around, he approaches you again, scolding you on not following the mistletoe tradition with him. You begin to snicker, when realization settles in that that's his way of asking for a smooch. He also receives a forehead smooch, which he reacts to with a frown. But he lets it happen without a fight, which tells you he likes it.

Reboot

Starts to smirk and get all cocky. Claims he wants a kiss on the lips. But as you lean in, he chickens out at the last second.

RF

His first reaction is to tense up. He isn't fully sure about the situation. Sure, he understands that it's purely platonic, but he can't help the subconscious fear of commitment and getting hurt again, like in his last relationship. Thing is: He would like to play along. He's just... Scared. You notice his discomfort and assure him, he doesn't have to do anything if he doesn't want to, which he is grateful for. After a long and contemplative look at you, he takes heart and gifts you a small peck on the corner of your mouth.

Gray

He gets all shy and nervous, covering up his face in embarrassment. You kneel down next to him and pull him into a reassuring hug and give him a gentle kiss onto the top of his head.

Hunter & Teacup

Hunter chuckles and gently pulls you closer. Teacup, who's chilling on his shoulder starts freaking out and tries to keep you away to save his personal space. You and Hunter pause, so Teacup can save himself before Hunter quickly pecks your lips.

Lovesick

Immediately jumps you and smothers your face with countless smooches.

Actor

Starts blushing like a madman. It takes a bit of coaxing to let him allow you to kiss him. You settle for a kiss on his hand, which makes him blush even harder if possible.

Mob

Smiles his typical sly smile, waiting and expecting you to follow the tradition. Just to torture you though, he lets his intimidating aura radiate off of him full force. Only reluctantly you give him a small peck onto his knuckles.

Killer

Stares up at you, just quietly waiting for your reaction. A smooch on the forehead makes him slump against you for a hug.

Butcher

Gives you a big, toothy grin as soon as he stands under the mistletoe with you. You chicken out and take off full speed.

Priest

Is subtly surprised such a decoration is in your house in the first place. You ask him if Home orders him to be celibate. He happily informs you that isn't the case, but that there are rules for him in terms of physical intimacy. The two of you get so sidetracked with your (surprisingly educated) discussion about the pros and cons of priesthood, that you completely forget the mistletoe.

Vampire

Being the charming being of the night that he is, he asks for your permission first, before gifting you a smooch to the cheek. He kinda trails of tho and stares at your neck. You have to gently push him back and excuse yourself.

Jazzy

Giggles and insists this is entirely platonic, to which you agree. Both of you exchange quick kisses in both cheeks. European greeting style.

Swan

Once under the mistletoe with him, he's not so sure initially. You ask him if you can place a small smooch onto the wings on his head. Which confuses him, but he lets you either way.

Royal

Ohhh Royal, sweet, respectful Royal. He smiles at you charmingly and kneels down to tenderly take your hand and place a kiss on it. You're all smitten and cover your huge grin with your free hand. When he stands back up you ask for a proper one. How could the King of Hearts possibly refuse your charming request?

Watcher

The gentle giant has a bit of trouble getting down to your height, but when he manages, he presses a soft kiss onto the top of your head before giving it a few pats.

[storm-angel989]

Don��t try to force yourself to make content, okay? Self care is way more important than putting stuff out, even if it makes others happy! Us fans will gladly wait until you’re mentally and emotionally ready!😉 Also drink water and eat real food, not just snacks!!!

Hi Friend,

Thank you so, so much for your kind words- I read your message as soon as it popped into my inbox and I did exactly as you said <3 I took the weekend, had some real food, rode a few horses and all of the sudden, a story I've been working on clicked (and I wrote a few more!)

As with all things, I expect it to ebb and flow but I appreciate everyones love, care a support more than words can express! Please enjoy below story and thank you again so so much for your love and patience!

<3 Mandy

Angel recognized the sound, and apparently Valentino did too. 

The noise in itself was a concern. But it was Valentino’s reaction to it that interested Angel the most. In the middle of what was supposed to be an important shoot, Angel watched Valentino rush off down the darkened hallway only to reappear moments later with a look on his face Angel couldn’t quite distinguish. Softness, maybe? Whatever it was, it disappeared the moment Valentino sat back down.

“Angel, what the fuck are you doing?” Valentino snarled as he raked his glowing eyes over the set. “Lay down and read the fucking lines.” 

As with all things, Angel obeyed. 

Now, as Angel stood in the entryway to his dressing room, that same noise from the week prior floated down from the hallway. Soft, childlike giggles in an empty studio. A sense of unease washed over Angel.  As abusive as Valentino was, he still had boundaries- and allowing kids in his studio was a hard one. Surely, Angel had to be hearing things. Maybe an actor or actress with a childlike voice. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. If there was, in fact, a kid running around in here it would be easy to get lost. Hell, sometimes he even found himself turned around and he had spent years here. 

Hesitantly, Angel walked down the familiar labyrinth of halls and rooms. 

“Hello?” he called out softly. 

Silence answered him.

“I have gotta stop drinkin before shoots,” he muttered to himself as he turned away.

“Papi?” A girlish voice came from behind him. “Papi!” 

Angel jumped and whirled around as tiny arms grabbed at his waist. Blonde hair, blue eyes, human like- Angel couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He opened his mouth to ask her who she was, but she began before he could get a word in.

“You’re not Daddy. You’re a stranger,” the child shouted as she jerked away from him. “I want Daddy.” 

Angel bit back his surprise. “Does..does your Daddy have a name?”

“Daddy.” 

Of course. Typical kid answer. Angel wracked his brain as memories flooded through. Images of his own baby sister, from his human life, floated through. Painful reminders of a distant past he tried to keep pushed down. With a deep breath, he knelt down to her level. 

“Okay kid, what does your daddy look like?”

“Daddy is tall. And he wears heart shaped glasses. And a big cozy red coat. But only when he goes to work. And I think this is Daddy’s work.” She answered confidently.

Angel felt his stomach drop. Val had a kid? Fuck, Val had a daughter? Shit. What should he do now? If he brought her back to Valentino, would he get punished? Forced to work extra hours for daring to find out his secret? But as he looked at the little girl, the sinking feeling grew sharper. He couldn’t leave her here. It wasn’t safe. And if he tried to send her back to where she came from, she’d probably end up lost- or worse. Seeing no other option, Angel took a deep breath.

“Come with me then, kid I’ll take you to yer dad. You got a name?” He offered her his hand. 

To his surprise, the little girl took it and walked next to him. “Reader. What’s yours?”

“Angel,” he replied as he focused on the hallway ahead. The feeling of her small hand in his, the familiarity of a tiny voice, a little human by his side. Flashes of his own past, his human life. Painful fragments that shattered through his mind like glass shards. He tried to swallow them back with each step they took towards Valentino’s office. 

“Daddy!” 

The little girl’s yell jerked Angel back to attention. He let go of her hand as she raced across the empty studio and to his shock, she jumped into Valentino’s arms. Angel watched as the overlord of lust and depravity wrapped the little girl up and kissed her on the forehead. 

“Bebita princessa, where were you? You have your Uncle Vox all worried!” Valentino scolded in a voice Angel had never heard him use before. 

“You promised Daddy! You promised a piggy back ride and you left!” She shrieked in response as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “You promised!” 

Angel thought for sure Valentino would hit her. Or at the very least, scold her the same way he did his employees. Instead, he watched Valetnino’s expression soften. 

“I know mi amore, I’m sorry,” he told her, “but you have to go up to Uncle Vox now, Papi has to work. Later tonight, I promise.” 

Suddenly, as if he instantly became aware Angel was watching, he jerked his head up. Their eyes met and Angel couldn’t read the expression on Valentino’s face. Anger? Appreciation? 

“So, uh, you have a kid?” Angel asked as he crossed his arms. “I, uh, found her in the back. Down the hallway. She was lookin for ya.” 

Valentino’s expression changed to one Angel knew inherently well. Cold, merciless impassion. 

“If you tell anyone, I will fucking kill you,” he stated. “Don’t think I won’t.” 

That, Angel didn’t doubt. He opened his mouth to promise he wouldn’t, but before he could get a word in, Reader’s voice floated through the empty room. 

“Daddy? What’s fucking mean?” 

Angel watched as Valentino’s expression went from cold to…unsure? Uneasy? Angel couldn’t tell. 

“I, uh, don’t worry about it baby, it’s,” Valentino stammered.

“An adult word. Only adults can use it,” Angel answered quickly. 

To Angel’s surprise, Valentino looked relieved at his explanation. The ping of the elevator and Valentino turned away. 

“Angel. Don’t be here when I get back.” Valentino said sharply. “I’ll call you when I need you again.”

“Does that mean I get the night off?” Angel called to the retreating figure. 

No answer. Angel shrugged and back in his dressing room, he pulled on his jacket. Might as well spend the rest of the night at the hotel. After all, Fat Nuggets could use a little extra attention.

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part XIII): Fox Mulder, Partner and Father

Since his arrival at Scully's apartment the previous morning, Mulder has been demonstrating the ever-evolving state of his emotional growth. The events of the following twenty-four hours, however, bring these changes-- and his self-imposed distance-- to a head; and he realizes the only person holding him back is himself.

SETTING THE STAGE

Plot plot plot, a body is found in South Carolina, and Reyes calls Doggett and Mulder in to investigate.

Mulder has, supposedly, stayed away from Scully overnight (and all the next morning) for reasons I can only log as Carterian. This is one of those Season 8 decisions that cannot be explained within reason of Mulder’s character, given his history and past reactions; and must, therefore, be taken with a massive, begrudging mountain of salt. However, because his characterization remains intact despite ill-thought-out teleportation, I’m not too frustrated over this development (as I am his actions in Essence and Existence.) Furthermore, the plot's logical fallacies-- air travel, time, distance, location-- that the writers didn't consider make their decisions... logically shaky, at best. 

Personally? I would have written this episode’s case closer to home-- Washington D.C. close-- and had this scene unfold after Doggett slammed Mulder against the wall. It would flow narratively, too: Reyes calls Mulder, Doggett catches them, hears their lack of answers and storms off to Scully’s hospital room. All three are called to the crime scene, then Mulder holes up in his office and tries to shake Reyes off his tail (previous post here.) Afterwards, Mulder walks off the case and stays at the hospital until Scully’s release (as he does the rest of Empedocles.)

DOGGETT AND MULDER, AND MORAL REFELCTONS

Mulder is waiting at the crime scene when Doggett pulls up, answering his “What am I doing here?” with a posturing, cross-armed, “Been asking myself that same question, Agent Doggett." Something’s different: Mulder is suddenly acting as if he’s on Doggett’s side, light-hearted in tone and subtly comedic in mannerisms. 

“But it seems,” he unwinds, pointing up to where Monica is, “that the tenacious Agent Reyes does not want to let go of this one.” 

Doggett does something interesting here: he squeezes right into Mulder’s zone, right up against Mulder’s back. He’s not trying to intimidate or crowd Mulder, either-- and, while this could be a result of the on-set crew guiding both actors into a tighter frame (for whatever reason), I posit that his actions are a result of his partnership with Scully.

We often give Mulder more props for being up-close-and-personal one in the X-Files department, but Scully does have a history of always initiating physical contact between them (the hug in Pilot and Irresistible, holding him close in Paper Hearts, ruffling his hair and feeling him for injuries as often as possible, etc.) In fact, her rush for comfort in the Pilot began Mulder journey towards more expressive physical affection (post here.) I’m not positing she was as chummy-chummy with Doggett in her partner's absence, but it is interesting to note that being in Mulder’s personal space-- even seeking that space-- was not outside of Doggett’s rote routine. 

(Sidenote: Can confirm: while Doggett is a typical, regular dude who isn't as bothered about personal distance, Scully herself initiates close contact multiple times. Both operate under strictly platonic terms-- the actual kind-- but it's an interesting observation, nevertheless.)

Mulder’s not particularly open or receptive to this closeness; but he doesn’t rebuff it, allowing Doggett to keep pace or withdraw as his mood dictates. It's a mark of Mulder's responsive sensitivity to others' distress: a sympathy born from true suffering, and one which enables him to empathize with fellow sufferers.

On the other hand, their actions also demonstrate that Agent Doggett has sensed Mulder's positioning allyship and is responding to that energy by leaning towards (and clinging to) it.

An interesting thing happens here: when Doggett insists, “There is no connection,” Mulder’s face grows strained and weary. The toll of his abduction and the burden of the files are weighing heavier and heavier on his psyche; and his unhealthy mental state-- combined with Reyes’s need for backup and Doggett’s increasing push and pull-- is wearing him down to a nub. More accurately, he’s so worn and weary that his walls and disguises and facades are dropping, and becoming harder to smooth back into place.

When Doggett resists the pull of the crime scene, maintaining that he sees nothing and there is no connection (i.e. denying his own instincts), Mulder’s eyes are fixed on him: surprised that the other agent is sensing something, and guardedly concerned for his wellbeing. And when Monica calls after her friend (“I think you do”), peeved, Mulder stares her down, tense. 

An understated but incredibly important point: witnessing Doggett’s reopened wound is tearing down walls Mulder had protectively erected after his return (post here and here.) Empedocles pits the near death of Mulder's own (unacknowledged but wink wink, nudge nudge, he knows, post here) child with another man’s loss. Having observed Doggett's intense emotion in the FBI hallway-- his hope and disappointment and frustration at their lack of answers-- and having read the files on his son and the investigation into it, Mulder is already sympathetic to his pain. But here, he begins to view this case through the eyes of a man increasingly aware of how close he came to this same grief, twenty-four odd hours ago. Total loss-- compared to his near loss-- is refocusing Mulder's perspective, shifting his acceptance and curiosity of Scully's pregnancy to maturer consideration and "ownership" (i.e., literally "laying claim" later by resting his hand on Scully's bump.) Reyes's insistence on pushing and prodding raises his hackles, too, because she is forcing Mulder to confront his own strain of disbelief and cowardice by proxy.

Although this is the only scene that hints at and attempts to address these insecurities (other than Essence's opening monologue... though that was a similar but separate issue), David Duchovny provides just enough fluctuation in his voice and facial expressions to float this idea closer to an actualized, well-written point.

When Doggett turns back around, angered at Monica’s insistence, Mulder looks away from both (handing out a measure of privacy to a fellow father and an ounce of disapproval to his other fellow investigative agent.) 

“You’re just afraid to go there,” Reyes states. 

It’s not a lie; but it galls Mulder, too. Not only is he frustrated with how bluntly she’s handling Doggett’s pain, but he feels the reproof of her words, too. If Mulder had been solely concerned for Doggett, he’d let the man fight his own battles-- a pattern he upheld with Scully throughout their partnership. Here, he lashes out: meaning, Mulder’s conscience is pricking him over his own withdrawal and cowardice; and, mad at being reproved, he snarks (a classic defense mechanism exhibited in One Son, for example-- post here):  

“Oof. Man, you just keep shootin’ until you hit something, don’t ya?” He stares Monica down, signaling she should back off. 

Reyes, as the saying goes, persisted: “You’d rather blind yourself to the connections, but I can’t.” 

The episode draws clear parallels between Doggett’s fear of grasping the truth, and life, again (i.e. retreating from Scully’s bedside and denying his instincts) and Mulder’s commitment to trying once more (i.e. joining Scully at her bedside and staying.) It’s a rather ham-fisted moral for the formerly dead: Mulder can choose to embrace new beginnings and happiness (“eat, dance, make love”); or he can spend the rest of his days haunted by the past, missing opportunities for contentment in the present. Moreover, it would have been the perfect follow-up to Closure: Mulder found resolution to his old lesson there-- freedom-- but is now presented with a new challenge-- responsibility. No longer would he be victim to-- and have to learn to accept-- the past (i.e. Samantha's death), but Mulder would be able to transform the present and change the future. In other words, he could shape his own life by choice, leaving his mark by fully embracing the desire to love, raise, and protect his growing child. Which, he does... without the added bonus of those connections being drawn for the audience.

Mulder listens to her and Doggett’s back and forth-- Doggett giving her another shot to explain herself, Monica positing her own (unfortunately true) theory; and remains silent until the latter suggests the two cases are linked by “a thread of evil” connecting to the former. 

“They see evil in death like others see God in a rose,” she says; and he jumps in with a flippant, “I saw Elvis in a potato chip once,” purposefully reinforcing the distance he’s been creating since their previous scene together. He continues to stare her down, a false grin stupidly plastered on his mouth.

However, Reyes still isn’t letting him off the hook, calling out his pretended idiocy with a pointed, “You know what I’m talking about.” 

Caught, and a touch amused, he admits, “Yes, I do,” dropping his flippancy long enough to observe, “I do.” Turning to Doggett, he adds, “But if this man doesn’t see it, he doesn’t see it. Right?” 

Point made, he watches Agent Doggett refuse to concede and Agent Reyes work out that she needs John, not Mulder, to solve this case; and leaves, knowing his job here is done. 

THE FIRST VOLUNTARY TOUCH

It’s after 3 PM in D.C. when Mulder finally makes his entrance. 

He opens Scully’s hospital room door haltingly, trepidatiously hanging on her face. Seeing no sign of pain or distress, Mulder is momentarily soothed; and he blinks, hanging back a second longer to gauge if she’s awake (and to watch her sleep.) 

Meeting up with Doggett and Reyes in the field and smacking against the wall he'd constructed post Deadalive began a shift in Mulder’s priorities (that will culminate in his transition from the Bureau.) Still, those sensations hadn't "clicked" yet: he asks after his partner's health, first, not yet considering the baby's until its safety is brought into question. That is the moment everything clarifies and slots into place.

“You awake?” he whispers gently, mirth dancing in his eyes and softening his face. He’s sneaking in, undetected-- or so he feels-- and hopes his partner’s awake enough to play along. 

She is. Scully stirs, turns, and tilts her head, birdlike, when she registers her partner. “Yeah,” she answers, and smiles. 

Delighted, he immediately slides through the doorway, eyes locked as he tries to divine her mood: to see if she’s all right. 

Mulder is newly tender, lighthearted, and unburdened-- a first, not only post abduction but also in Empedocles. We saw his return to form with banter and unbridled two-stepping at the beginning of this episode; but his behavior here is the first glimpse of that lost sense of “wholeness” he’d gained after his revelation in Amor Fati, his next step in Millennium, and his final “truth” in Closure. Even though he’s come a long way since his distance in Three Words (i.e. gravitating to Scully while refusing to open up to her) and the missing scene pre-Empedocles (i.e. rifling through his mom's stuff to bring an offering for his child), this is the first time Mulder approaches the pregnancy "situation" as an equal partner and father. No longer is he trying to puzzle “where I fit in”, but is actively creating a place for himself. And Scully is equally eager to welcome him, in all his Mulderly glory, back to her side.

As he closes the door, Mulder seems to take in, all at once, the cannula in her nose and needles in her arm; and is sucked back into a soberer mood. It dawns on him, perhaps, that he still doesn’t know what her prognosis is-- that neither might be out of the woods, yet. 

Closing the door first, he swiftly advances and asks, seriously, “What did the doctor say?” Mulder gives her a gentle, anxious little blink, hovering over the bed with repressed concern. When Scully takes a second to reply-- collecting herself with a sigh-- he starts to panic.

“That I had a partial abruption.” 

His panic evolves into terror as Scully continues to soberly lay out the facts. Mulder looks down, trying to make sense of this information; and his eyes shift to her bump while his brain grasps for any slight, hopeful intonation in his partner’s voice. 

In fact, not only does he glance over, but Mulder’s head also involuntarily turns in the direction of the baby, lingering there a second or two before swinging back to Scully’s face. 

As she continues to lay out the facts, he looks down again, a sense of devastation blooming over the notion that this child might not be stable for long. In that second, Mulder's mentality flips: he immediately rejects that thought, and looks up, eyes burning fiercely. As he licks his lips, a new and powerful determination takes hold and roots: he will do anything to keep this baby alive: not just for Scully’s sake, but for his own. 

This is the moment when Mulder alters: it’s one thing to observe lessons and accept truths from a detached distance, and quite another to be struck full-force with a surge of powerful, unconquerable-- and personalized-- emotion. While Mulder sympathized with and reflected on Doggett, he hadn’t understood or embraced those sensations for himself. The baby was his, if the math was to be believed; and he was ready-- he thought-- and happy, despite a lingering, unsteady feeling of inadequacy. But it hadn’t dawned on Mulder how irrevocably that protective and all-encompassing surge of “mine” extended to the baby, until now.

“They’re gonna need to monitor me for a while,” Scully concludes, subdued; but Mulder begins to relax, regardless, not having heard anything more threatening than implied bed rest.

Looking down once more, he soaks her answer in; and clarifies, “But you’re gonna be fine?” 

“Yeah,” she confirms, smiling.

The baby begins to move; and when Scully looks down, right eyebrow twitching, Mulder acts on his relief (and a whoosh of courage.) Tense but decided, he reaches out in one stiff, jerky motion, readjusting his hand before slowly letting it sink completely onto Scully's belly. Exhaling, he shoots a strained smile for her benefit: awkward, but settling in. She, meanwhile, is not at all disturbed, knowing these are Mulder's first baby steps (heh) and trusting he will be knocked off his feet once it hits home.

Two things of note: this is the first time since "the return" that Mulder has voluntarily initiated physical contact. While he rushed to Scully's side and rubbed her back at the apartment, that was in response to extreme pain and distress, not a reopening of himself. Post Deadalive, he's been gradually working back to normal (with a few hitches here and there); and his reactions here demonstrate how uncomfortable he still was in the wake of his surfacing memories and PTSD. However, this is his child, and his partner gave him an encouraging directive; and Mulder is determined to do this-- "this, having a baby 'this'"-- the right way.

Scully knows he can feel the baby, and looks up, drinking in the first of many happy firsts for her partner. The camera focuses on her face, her reaction first, then switches hazily to Mulder's comfortably resting hand-- a visual hand-off (heh) from the experienced (Scully) to the inexperienced (Mulder.)

Mulder is in awe, so completely enraptured that he is lost to the world around him. His eyes are full of wonder; his face is impossibly young, and his smile is impossibly soft. He blinks rapidly, unutterably content to bask in the moment yet unwilling to lose a glimpse of this miracle.

Scully reads this on his face; and closes her eyes briefly, soaking in this precious, fleeting moment with Mulder.

CONCLUSION

Empedocles may not be over, but I think this is a good place to end, for now. Don't you?

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[mondstalgia]

Gonna talk about what's happening on weibo on Tumblr too because it's so...fucking stupid.

Fans have sighted a woman with Louis and Nat at the airport on their flight home after the fanmeet, whom they assume is Louis girlfriend (he had his arm around her shoulder). Now they are claiming he betrayed Nat and many delulu fans are saying they won't support him anymore (including fansites which shocked me).

Louis then wrote a long instagram post basically explaining that he loves acting but doesn't want to hide who he is because in the end he is also just human. Personally I found it very mature and beautifully written, the way he always expresses himself has always been amazing. Unfortunately angry fans are misinterpreting it as him being selfish and blaming fans, which is ridiculous. He doesn't even mention fans, he talks about himself and what he wishes for in his life.

Personally this feels like a setback to times where idols and actors were seen as something beyond humans and dating was seen as a scandal. Currently he is receiving so much hate which I find ridiculous and dangerous. He didn't betray anyone. Nat was also literally there with them.

In interviews they have always stated that they talk a lot and even share secrets, there is no betrayal. If anyone knows Louis then it's Nat, way better than any fan ever could. Their private lives are non of our business, including their actual partners. Claiming that them living their lives is some sort of betrayal is insane to me, I'm too old for that kind of delusional talk. Unless someone committed a crime this reaction is absolute insanity.

I'm worried about his mental state, he's always been a bit gloomy, I actually do hope he has someone he loves who can support him through this. Poor guy, he just wants to do what he loves. This is so typical of the BL fandom, it makes me sick.

If you have the time maybe leave some supportive words on his social media ♡

[intheshadowsbehindyou]

Okay, got a weird one for ya~ So I have ASD, meaning I can sometimes react oddly to social things, or actions. One of these is that whenever I see seggs scenes in movies, I start laughing. Like seggs in movies, even if it’s not meant to be funny, is just HILARIOUS to me. Sometimes I even explain between laughter why it’s so hilarious, like “Oh my gods WHAT IS THAT NOISE??? MY GUY, you a tractor or some sh!t??? HA!”. Would you be willing to take a request for mercs having movie night, only for their crush to start wheezing and laughing so hard they can barely speak at the seggs scene in the movie?

The TF2 Mercs with somebody who thinks actors acting sex in movies is understandably hilarious

WARNING: sex!!!! (Funny)

Scout:

- Confused at first. Jeremy’s the type of person to taunt the characters and make clever quips during the whole movie to make you laugh. Nothing comes close to your laughter at this sex scene though. Suddenly he picks up on it and begins laughing too. Your reaction is kind of understandable. It seems to be a very forced and over the top performance.

- “Holyyy shit, I wanted to be an actor as a kid, but i’m not one for those frickin theater kid losers. Kinda glad I didn’t go through with it, now.” Typical scout acting like a highschool bully. You can tell he was the type of sportsy jock to shove nerds into lockers. He takes great pleasure in roasting the people on screen with you.

- Overall a solid 9/10 experience. One point taken away because he’s a massive prick and goes way too over the top with his cruel jokes sometimes. You have to lightly slap the side of his arm at one point because he’s somehow coming up with new slurs for hollywood goers that don’t even exist in the english dictionary to begin with.

—————————————————————————-

Soldier:

- Ayo?

- Lifts his helmet up and looks at you for a second. “What’s so funny, private?” He asks, and but of course you’re laughing so hard you fall onto his chest and cling to him. Your laughter is very much appreciated nonetheless. Seeing somebody he loves so happy is causing butterflies in his stomach. Even if he doesn’t quite understand it. Laughter is a beautiful and positive thing.

- He’s a very aged man, and surviving WW2 gave him a lot of life experience. Essentially convinced that sex jokes are somehow crude. But let’s be honest, this is soldier we’re talking about here. He never keeps his word and although he tries to keep a straight face, his younger self comes through and he has to let out an unholy burst of laughter in response to hearing the girl’s performance upon getting her titties gripped. Congrats on cracking his US Army General persona.

—————————————————————————-

Demoman:

- Too drunk to even process why you’re laughing for a spilt second but then it suddenly dawns on him you might be reacting this way because your brain chemistry is different than his. Demoman is more of an explosives chemist guy, but he’s somewhat taught that people act differently due to neurological function. Chemicals, brain shit, and whatever the hell else. He’s too tired to remember. He begins wondering what would happen if brain chemicals were flammable. That would be quite unfortunate. Fortunate for him though.

- You fall onto his lap laughing and that’s what knocks him out of his incoherent descent down the stupid idiot rabbit hole. He puts his hand in your hair and smiles warmly. Dazed, and barely even awake. He even chuckles a little with you despite his exhaustion. Movie nights always seem to get him tired because it’s usually at the end of a hard work day.

- “I can show you a time more embarrassin, tho. In the morning.” He flirts. Knowing full well he’ll have such a bad hang over, he won’t even consider getting his ass up to kiss you. You glare at him, and you wonder just how the hell a sex scene in a movie out of all things can get him horny. The look in his eye doesn’t lie though. Wow, he sets some pretty low standards for porn. Also, you’re really scared what he means by more embarrassing.

————————————————————————-

Engineer:

- He looks away during the entire sex scene and that’s essentially what makes you laugh even harder. His southern upbringing is honestly borderline sad. The idea that he can be “impure” for witnessing such “sacred” acts. Even when somebody’s pretending for a movie. You make fun of him and he’s just sitting there grumpily shielding his eyes with his gloved hand. It’s not even an explicit scene.

- Suppressing something doesn’t help, and everybody knows that quite well. He looks between his fingers to see if the scene has ended yet. Maybe just a peak wouldn’t hurt? He’s an adult after all! ARGH! NO! He covers his eyes again… Okay maybe just another peak. He thinks your humor is just juvenile and there’s nothing wrong with that in his opinion. it’s always admirable when somebody decides to maintain their innocence. There is absolutely no judgment from him.

- Over time he gets more used to watching stuff like this with you, but he never laughs. He acts like a deer in headlights the entire time. Overall, if you act like the quote on quote “way you shouldn’t” then I assure you he’ll be understanding and keep an open mind.

————————————————————————

Heavy:

- Laughing at a sex scene? Eh. He doesn’t care what you laugh at or why. He finds plenty of stuff like that funny but ceases to laugh sometimes. He can laugh for certain, but for some reason there are moments where he doesn’t act accordingly and laugh at a joke. Perhaps you two are the same in that regard?

- Stares blankly at the screen the entire time despite finding hilarity in your response to the poor performance. He’s internally laughing on the inside but it just won’t come out of his mouth. As a result he’s kind of offended at his brain for failing him once again. You stop for a second and wonder if he’s annoyed, but then he turns and says “Sometimes Heavy laughs on the inside and he doesn’t know why.” His expression lacks emotion as always. “That’s fine.” You say, shrugging. This finally gets a response out of him and he looks to the ground and frowns.

- He feels frustrated and kind of guilty he can’t emote like he used to as a kid. This type of deadpan behavior moreso comes from his traumatic life. He’s unconsciously taught himself to stay stoic. Even when he’s supposed to be having fun with you. You lean on his arm to rest assure him you struggle with it differently. In verbose, he’s not mad at you. He becomes angry at himself.

————————————————————————

Pyro:

- You’re laughing so hard that they find your behavior adorable. They find you quite stunning in this moment and immediately hug you to fulfill that random need for physical contact. He can’t help it! You’re just so cute when you laugh! You’re like a small kitten to them. Fuck the stupid movie. Both their eyes are on you right now and they don’t want them to be anywhere else.

- They are baby talking you, and calling you petnames. This sudden shift in Pyro’s behavior makes you laugh more due to the absurdity of their cute aggression. Who the hell finds their crush laughing at a sex scene to be attractive? Apparently Pyro. Pyro’s not really one to pay attention during scenes like this anyway so they find it quite easy to do so. It’s always just pointless filler to appease the horny people. Not to mention sort of setting unrealistic expectations. (Yes, Pyro is smart enough to know this. They are smart enough to run a company, therefore smart enough to harshly critique the movie industry.)

- It is absolutely nothing but sunshine and rainbows to them when you’re happy. It’s lighting up the fiery flame in their heart to see you so satisfied. The scenes are absolutely embarrassing as shit and Pyro hates them, but they’d be glad to show you more bad movies and eat candy while basking in their favorite sound: your happiness. Everything is better with someone you love.

—————————————————————————-

Sniper:

- Um.. Is this guy even alive right now? Hellooooo? Sniper? He isn’t reacting to anything at all and you have no clue what’s happening behind those sunglasses of his. Why’s he wearing them inside, anyway? He claims it’s because the TV hurts his eyes but he’s so timid that, that has to be a lie. You’re laughing your ass off, meanwhile this guy’s brain is in outer space or some shit.

- In fact you get kind of concerned and stop laughing. “Mundy?” You ask. Your concern grows when he doesn’t move. Then his head sloooowly cocks to the side to look at you. There are some big exasperated/disappointed dad vibes coming from this man. “You can’t be serious, you actually find this funny?” He asks. He’s just messing with you of course and it’s obvious his behavior isn’t meant to be taken seriously.

- “Yeah!” You respond, laughing even more as he rubs his own temples and leans his face on his own hand. The way he’s responding like he’s in love with an idiot is kind of funny. Behind that rough exterior of his is somebody whose actually quite relieved you’re enjoying this in the first place. He often thinks his own company is quite boring.

————————————————————————

Medic:

- Actually immediately starts laughing too. He’s had sexual encounters before and knows how procreation works. (Not to mention the behavior of women.) Girls in movies like this are depicted as so two dimensional he knows full well the people who made this movie must’ve never spoken to an actual woman before. Reminder TF2 takes place in the late 60s so these are some very stupid ass corny romance films.

- He laughs so hard he actually starts coughing. Holy shit. How is this man not dying at this point? He’s screaming something you’re certain is insults in german at the TV. But even if you speak the language it’s not like you can understand between his fits of chaotic laughter. He’s so queer that romance movies make him short circuit.

- “Well actually you see; realistically she has a very high chance of getting pregnant now because he didn’t use a condom. Even know they said they don’t want a kid. Not to mention!; He didn’t use any lube which can be quite painful. Surprised there wasn’t a doctor’s visit after this.” He goes on and on about how stupid and corny this shit is and you can’t really blame him. Although now you have to sit there for hours and listen to him ramble.

————————————————————————

Spy:

- Visibly offended you’d laugh at such a beautiful display. Sex to him is like an art piece. Intertwining bodies and becoming one with your other half/halves. Puts his hand to his chest and glares at you with disgust. You don’t care of course, Spy is a drama queen and always has been. His judgmental expression wasn’t because of your strange behavior, in fact. In any other situation he just wouldn’t care if you acted differently than most people. But he draws the line when you laugh at GORGEOUS SEX. How dare you!!!?? For shame! FOR SHAME!

- “Rest assured, Intimacy can be more than this. I can make you feel pleasure that these two on screen could only dream about if you keep an open mind.” Of course Spy turns this into something horny. He looks rather serious about this and points his cigarette to the closet. Unbeknownst to anybody but you, Spy has a museum’s worth of sex toys in that thing. The offer immediately made you stop laughing. “Oh.” You say.

- Spy is satisfied with your red face and timid attitude towards the question. He watches you and takes a huge drag of his cigarette. “Hmm?” He raises both eyebrows and pouts, mockingly. Like a wolf who cornered a lamb.

[rottenpumpkin13]

(I just watched a musical 😂)

woe, Genesis has been tasked with getting together and directing a musical theatre production of his choice Loveless featuring the entire SOLDIER floor, for an official Shinra fundraiser gala. nightmare scenario or dream come true or both. the show must go on! also, you are incredibly funny and uplifting! :)

• Genesis has been tasked with organizing and directing the annual musical Shinra puts on for the charity gala, which has one of its departments as the actors. This year the roulette wheel landed on the worst combination—SOLDIER and Loveless.

• Rumors say Zack's anguished "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" as soon as it was announced was heard from 13 floors down.

• Genesis is being benign and letting everyone choose their parts.

Genesis: Who wants to play the goddess?

*Sephiroth raises his hand*

Genesis: Really? You want to play the goddess?

Sephiroth: It was an involuntary reaction. I don't know why I raised my hand.

Genesis: Too late, you're the goddess.

Sephiroth: But I don't want to play the goddess.

Genesis: If you don't play the goddess I'm going to shave your head in your sleep.

Sephiroth: !?

• Since NONE of the female SOLDIERs wanted to play Rosa, Genesis appointed one of the other guys to the role.

• Cloud walked in at an unfortunate time to deliver some documents from Heidegger.

Genesis: CLOUD. You're perfect for the role of Alphreid. Welcome to the show.

Cloud: Uhh, really? Okay. Who's playing Rosa?

Zack: I am!

Cloud: For fucks sake.

• Angeal was placed in the role of Varvados against his will, the same case for Kunsel, who was bribed with money to play Garm.

• The rest of SOLDIER is tasked with being the stage crew. They have a month to rehearse, something which would've been fine had GENESIS not been the director. He insists on getting a director's chair, and wearing the typical director's beret and scarf while shouting from a megaphone even though he's AT MOST 3 feet away from the stage.

Zack: I thought you said I was playing Rosa. Where's my dress and wig?

Genesis: No, no. Since you and Cloud are playing Rosa and Alphreid, I thought I'd make this the gay version of Loveless.

Zack: Ohhh, I get it now. That's why it's Loveless - G edition. The G stands for gay.

Genesis: No the G stands for Genesis.

Zack: What's the difference?

Genesis:

• Sephiroth wishes whoever sold Genesis the megaphone an eternity in the deepest pits of hell.

*Genesis is standing right beside Sephiroth. Too close, in fact*

Genesis: SEPHIROTH, LETS TAKE IT FROM SCENE 3 IN ACT 1 WHEN THE GODDESS HAS HER BIG MUSICAL NUMBER.

Sephiroth: Genesis I'm standing right here. There's no need to—

Genesis: DON'T QUESTION MY CREATIVE CHOICES.

*Sephiroth grabs the megaphone and smashes it over his head*

• If Genesis were not Angeal's best friend, he also would've choked him with his scarf by now.

Genesis, from his director chair: Angeal, great dancing, but go stage left.

*Angeal goes left*

Genesis: No, your other left.

*Angeal goes right*

Genesis: LEFT.

*Angeal goes further left*

Genesis: Your OTHER Left. Turn around and go right!

*Angeal goes right*

Genesis: LEFT. LEFT. GO LEFT.

*Angeal goes left and violently falls off the stage*

• Cloud wouldn't have agreed to play Alphreid if he had known Zack was playing Rosa. Not because he feels weird playing his love interest, but because Zack is a diva.

Genesis: Alright, Alphreid, this is the scene where you're seeing Rosa again. You're feeling passionate, you're feeling butterflies in your stomach, you're sensing—

Cloud: —Zack's onion breath from lunch.

Zack: Onion soup helps me get into character. Get it, because Rosa has so many layers?

Genesis: Zack, I love your dedication. Cloud, quit complaining. Now kiss, you two.

Cloud: I ain't kissing him with that breath.

Genesis: Kiss!

Cloud: He smells like something died.

Zack: I've never felt more insulted in my life.

Genesis: You're being overdramatic. KISS.

Cloud: Please god no.

Genesis: KISS HIM.

*Zack grabs Cloud by the collar and leans in. Cloud takes one whiff of Zack's breath and immediately passes out*

Zack: I can't work like this.

• Opening night rolls around.

*Angeal approaches Genesis*

Angeal: Zack ate an entire onion and his breath smells like depression.

Genesis: The show must go on.

Angeal: Cloud attempted to knock him out with a broom, but it was a prop, so it broke over his head and he attacked Cloud.

Genesis: The show must go on.

Angeal: Zack sat on him and is blowing his breath in his face as we speak.

Genesis: The show must go on.

Angeal: Cloud has literally passed away.

Genesis: The show must—

*Angeal chokes him*

• Somehow the show does go on. Everyone nails their musical numbers and scenes, all goes well. Until act 4, when Sephiroth forgets his lines.

*During a scene with all the characters*

Sephiroth: To engage in the battle for which I have selected you, I bequeath unto you a....a....uh....?

Genesis, whispering from the edge of the stage: Improvise!

Sephiroth: What? Demise? The goddess killing everyone wasn't in the script.

Genesis, still whispering: No! Improvise the lines!

Sephiroth: Demise to the guys? So I am supposed to kill everyone. Alright then.

Genesis: NO

*Sephiroth unsheathes a sword he wasn't supposed to have*

Cloud: Wait, WHAT?

Sephiroth: The goddess was never merciful.

*He takes a swipe at Cloud and now the two are engaged in an active duel*

Angeal: Guys, this wasn't in the script!

• Angeal dives forward and starts trying to haul Cloud away, who's kicking and struggling. Now Sephiroth veers his attention unto Zack and starts chasing him around with the sword. Zack has no weapon, and is screaming as he dodges Sephiroth's blows.

• Genesis, angered, climbs onto the stage with a ball of fire in hand, screaming and hurtling it at them ("ALL THAT HARD WORK GONE TO WASTE—NEVER BEEN MORE EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE—SEPHIROTH STOP USING YOUR HAIR AS A WEAPON")

*Kunsel, in a last-ditch attempt to save everyone's dignity, closes the curtain, ending the show*

[restinslices]

We going fluffy for a lil? YAY! Can I request EarthRealm guys being dads for the first time?

This is longer than what the Earthrealm guys typically get. Usually they all get around 200 words because writing for them takes longer because it’s 5, but this was so cute I got carried away and they all got around 400-500 words😀

Johnny Cage

A mini Cage? Are you serious? 

Can I be honest with y'all? I think this kid would be an accident 

Because of that he'd be nervous. Johnny has a huge ego but he also has huge debt and a dwindling career so he'd be worried about how he'd even take care of this child 

He'd work extremely hard to get more money. He'd even sell his house to get a smaller one that's more affordable (that's how you know he's serious)

He covers his nervousness with humor. This is a whole human he's gonna be raising now

The closer the delivery date gets, the more nervous he gets. His partner moves a little weird and he's “IT'S COMING!”

Calm down Johnny. Damn. 

The entire delivery he's jumpy as fuck. He didn't realize how long it'd take and his nerves are through the roof 

Does Johnny have a huge ego? Yes. Is he an asshole? Yes. Does he make everything a joke? Yes. But this is different. There's a human that's relying on him to survive 

Everytime he looks at the baby he's like “oh shit, I got a baby”

Baby accidents actually make him cringe. His baby vomits on him and he has to physically stop himself from throwing it 

Johnny as a girl dad? Omg. 

That's his little princess. Any money he makes goes to her. She has so many unnecessary toys and he dresses her like an actual princess 

The baby got its own room from jump 

He'll never be against a tea party or a makeover 

During those makeovers he's giving pointers. “Don't use that color, it'll clash with my hair” type of shit 

Be prepared. No matter how hard you try, this kid is becoming a mini Johnny 

He tries to be really active in her life when he's not acting 

Has debated on retiring but you need money so that's not happening 

You'd think he'd want his kid to become an actor but he knows that shit is not safe so absolutely not 

He makes little films with her though. Really cute shit he'll rewatch when she's older 

Time to him goes by so fast. He feels like he blinked and suddenly she was 18 

He's the dad that gets emotional at her graduation. Straight sobbing as she walks the stage

“I'm a cool dad” *puts on shades*

Ok Johnny 

His ability to not take shit serious doesn’t entirely disappear. He’s the parent the child wants the principal to call when in trouble

Little fashion shows? Absolutely

His kid is so spoiled, it's ridiculous. Even if he didn't want a child, he loves them with every part of him 

Kenshi Takahashi 

Another accident baby-

He's trying to fix this whole clan situation so a baby is not something he was thinking of

So when he's told he's gonna have a baby his heart stops for a quick second 

Being terrified is a normal reaction and trust me, he's terrified 

He doesn't know how to be a dad at all and videos aren't helping 

I know I mention this whole on the run from the Yakuza thing a lot but that's a big ass problem. How do you have a baby when mfs are gunning for you?

Why does he agree to keep it? I ain't think that far but anywho, it's too late now. Too far along-

He tries to prepare himself by looking up videos and reading books. He wants to be an amazing dad for his baby 

We don't know how his parents were but I'm assuming his childhood wasn't the best

He promised himself that he's gonna care for this baby and give it a fantastic childhood 

Idk how his vision works now tbh. I'm assuming he can always see so I'm guessing that's not a problem 

Once the baby is here he's all over it. You'd think he gave birth with how much he's playing with it 

I wanna make all of them girl dads tbh and I'm the one writing this soooooo that's what imma do-

Kenshi is making sure everyone is comfortable. His partner and the baby. He's gonna help anyway he can

Having a tiny human depend on him is definitely a wild concept to him

He wants to teach his daughter how to fight but he doesn't want to make her a monster if that makes sense 

He wants to make sure she never uses her skills to harm others for no reason and because of that, any school reports about violence is taken seriously 

Let that school call him and he's asking 20 questions tryna see who the aggressor was. If his daughter was being harassed and she defended herself  then as long as someone wasn't seriously hurt then it's ok. If his daughter was the aggressor? Oh nah

Kenshi is not afraid to lecture and discipline (I don't mean whooping. Whether or not you think any of them would is up to you. I'm not getting into that. Be free) his daughter 

His kid is never walking all over him. He don't let them slide with shit 

He's harsh but it's in a loving way. He's not on her ass for no reason. He wants her to conduct herself well and to be a good person and better than the people he's been surrounded by. He carries this out by being a bit more harsh and strict than he needs to be

That teenage rebellion phase is gonna kick his ass. Omg

He's strict but I don't think he'd be unsafe for his daughter to go to, yk? His daughter knows she can go to him if she needs anything 

If she felt like she couldn't tell him something, his poor little heart would break

I don't think he'd ever take his bandana off around them. Idk how the healing would work but I could imagine it'd still look brutal 

So protective of her. Let someone move towards her a little quick, he's on his feet before he even realizes it 

He doubts his parenting at time and how safe he can keep her but he's doing a really solid job 

Kung Lao

Idk whether or not his baby would be an accident or not 

Either way, Kung Lao has a huge ego and he'd assume it can't be that bad 

He definitely can figure all this out as he goes along. It'll be easy. Nothing to worry about 

He wishes he could go back in time and smack himself for being so stupid 

At first it's fine, then he remembers he has to consistently deal with a baby and he's like “I may have miscalculated”

Why do babies shit so much? They're so small. 

Terrible Twos have him stressed 

When the baby's teething he slowly starts to lose his grasp on reality. All the yelling drives him nuts but he's locked in now 

He tries to use his baby as a challenge to keep him motivated but honestly babe, you're never winning that challenge. Babies are unpredictable 

He has to learn that. Babies are a learning experience and you can't try to use them as some great challenge. Just relax and take things one at a time 

He also teaches his baby how to fight 

Makes them a mini hat but puts something non sharp on the edges, like crayons or something 

Some may think “oh a daughter! She has to be feminine and sweet and blahblahblah!”

Nah, that's now how it works with him

His daughter is learning some Leon Kennedy moves 

After what he's been through he's definitely teaching them how to fight because conflict will always happen. You're never catching his daughter slipping 

The dad that asks “did you win?” if his child gets in trouble for fighting at school 

Let's his child watch scary movies 

He's never doing that bullshit again. She was up all night and he's never regretted anything more 

The type to “randomly” decide to sharpen his hat when his daughter brings a boy over 

“What are you doing dad?” “I'm sharpening my sharp hat that's sharp enough to cut through humans… because it's so sharp”

Puts “The Great” in front of her name whenever describing her 

His daughter probably has a huge ego also. This dude does not teach her to be humble and compliments her when she does anything 

You think a mini Johnny is bad? Mini Kung Lao gives them a run for their money. 

Raiden

I feel like Raiden would have kids when he's older. Idk why but I think he'd be way more careful than everyone else 

So when he hears he's having a baby, he's both nervous and excited 

He's on it. Decorating the nursery, reading books, looking at websites, he's on it all. 

He wants to be prepared so he doesn't mess up 

Messing up is inevitable but don't tell him that 

Once the baby is here, he's super happy. The room is already decorated and he's so glad they can lay in there 

Super affectionate towards his baby. Constantly kissing her head and playing with her 

If any of the other Earthrealm men have a baby, he insists on playdates 

Even if they don't, he plays with his daughter enough 

The type to actually make his voice higher when playing with dolls

Gives his kid cute nicknames that they'll undoubtedly get embarrassed by when they're older 

Are we surprised he also teaches his daughter to fight? No. 

He was minding his business and was told he had to help protect Earthrealm. His kid gotta know how to scrap 

He keeps a good balance of combat and normal childhood so it's fine 

He does little lightning shows for his kid. Is it irresponsible? A little. Is Liu Kang gonna take it back though? No. 

Raises a daughter similar to him; soft spoken and sweet but is willing to throw down when necessary 

He's the parent that genuinely hears his kid out when they get in trouble 

Since this is his first kid he's new to all of this so making mistakes is something that'll happen. Good thing about Raiden tho is that he's willing to apologize when family conflict happens 

He takes so many pictures, it's ridiculous 

Takes pictures the entire first week of school and is spamming Kung Lao with them

He's really invested in child drama ngl. A kid threw a book at another kid? Tell him more so he can gossip with Kung Lao

Discipline is difficult for him because he honestly doesn't know what to do. He's worried he's being too harsh and doesn't wanna push his kid away. It's common knowledge that they'll grow up, move away and he won't see her as much so he doesn't want to push them away and lose them earlier than necessary 

Kids need some sort of discipline though so he gotta figure it out 

When his daughter no longer needs him to check the closet for monsters, his heart might shatter a little bit ngl 

He's taking it one step at a time and honestly? He's doing really good 

Liu Kang

Probably didn't even know he could have kids

He just assumed a keeper of time was outta the game so wdym a baby is on the way?

Liu Kang has watched humans evolve so he's watched plenty of parents raise their babies so he has a lot of references 

He's not as nervous as everyone else. Like I said before, he has plenty of references of what to and what not to do so he's pretty confident in his abilities 

He's only nervous about the threats they'll face once they're alive. Man is used to fighting for his life 

Decorates the nursery and child proofs the entire house 

Makes sure his partner is incredibly comfortable. He wants them completely relaxed 

He packs the bag for when the delivery happens, he doesn't leave the room unless necessary, he's really supportive. 

Once the baby is here he's lowkey hogging the baby 

Thinks his partner should be relaxing after so the baby is always in his arms 

This baby to him is the most precious thing he's ever seen. Having a family is something he really wants so he's on cloud 9

Watching over his kid to see if they get any powers like him, which is likely 

Liu Kang has a good balance between discipline and softness. He's not super strict but he doesn't just let them get away with anything 

Imma sound like a broken record but his daughter is scraping. This is Liu Kang we're talking about 

His daughter is gonna become Gamora-

Fighting skills will be impeccable. Say excuse me if you bump into her or she's going 2 back flips, lighting her body on fire and blowing the area up 

He wants to spend so much time with his daughter. He knows how fast time flies. He's seen humans not appreciate each other and that's not happening with him. His daughter will know she's loved 

He has references like I said earlier but that doesn't mean it's the easiest to do. He tries his hardest though and is probably the most patient

He's more excited for the firsts than they are. This is not your first day of school Liu Kang, why are you so geeked?

Tons of photos of his baby 

Other dads can be really stressed when it comes to their kid growing up but I think he's more accepting of it. Is it sad seeing his baby grow up? Yes. He's used to the idea of aging though. Also his kid is immortal like him so he's comforted by the idea of them never growing older than him 

Liu Kang is a parent that is 100% ok with admitting when he's wrong. There's no toxic shit with him. If he fucked up, he fucked up. 

Probably has the most or one of the most humble kids 

Very affectionate 

Probably wants more kids 

10/10 dad and imma stand on it

“Forgive me Kenshi. I misspoke.” Liar.

I always ramble at the end of these so here I go: y’all I am out of dry dog food and I’m broke so I can’t pay my sister to get food from her job so I’ve been feeding my dog wet food, right. It is 3am, so naturally we’re not on a walk rn. Why did she drop the most devastating shit? I actually wanna walk into traffic. I did not know it could be audible. She didn’t even eat anything before she did it. Donate to $JMentallyUnstable for my cause😔 (I’m joking but not about my suffering. She’s small. HOW is a felony coming outta you bro?) (If I find a tall building-)

[bizarrelittlemew]

okay. i just watched the movie Snakeskin (2001). i bought a physical dvd in the year of our lord 2024 because Taika has 6.5 minutes of screentime in it. and now i'm sitting here trying to process wtf i just watched asjdhfdjsk so here are the highlights (thank you Meow @blakbonnet for going through this experience with me)

first of all, enjoy these screenshots from the trailer (i'm still not sure if they're mandatory disclaimers?):

...but say yes to snake imagery, because there will be a lot of it

we are definitely in 2001. this is extremely apparent throughout the whole movie. but especially from this girl's hair

Taika's character (Nelson) and his girlfriend (Daisy, pictured above) drive around in a repurposed ice cream truck and sell drugs btw. it's called Mr. Trippy.

main character Alice (Melanie Lynskey) is a huge fan of ✨America✨. her best friend is in love with her but she only wants Bad Boys. also said friend's name is Johnny but it's actually Craig

ALSO Craig-slash-Johnny is played by Dean O'Gorman (Fili)??!?!?!?

their hobby is to drive around picking up hitchhikers but only those who look not boring

enter The American. this guy is the most American you have ever seen. americans wish they could be as American as this guy. no one else has ever Americaned harder.

as you can see, i'm not lying. he even says "howdy ma'am" so we're convinced he is a real American

three skinheads are after The American because he stole their drugs (i think). he also stole drugs from Nelson and Daisy, who now owe money and/or drugs to their boss, who also has beef with The American for reasons i'm still not totally sure of

The American not only steals drugs and money, he also has a real gun(!!!) and fucks pretty much everyone?

"darlin'. u gotta earn the raaaiht. ter wear snakeskins 😎"

oh my god the sunglasses emoji just reminded me of the fucking sunglasses oh no i'm not sure i can do this akjsdhjsk this will make sense later i promise

do not learn gun safety from this movie

at one point, there is a whole lotta sheep. we are, after all, in Aotearoa New Zealand. and ok this had the cutest moment of Taika yelling "SHEEPY" out of a car

there's a scene where uhm. uhhh no not gonna describe this i think but. yeah fair warning this movie has some period-typical homophobia let's just say 💀 this is the live reaction:

MOVING ON

if you enjoy the 2000s aesthetic of "look how edgy we are doing drugs" *colorful-haired people on couches in dark club* *echo-y laugh* *hallucinations* *it's mushrooms look it's mushrooms we're doing psychedelics* then this is the movie for you my friend

oh and Alice also did acid at some point while being very "i've totally done drugs before" about it (((doubt)))

GIRL GET UP FROM THAT DIRTY BATHROOM FLOOR

[New Zealand accent] "wow. six and acid." yes she is living all her american dreams as you can see

by nighttime, all three cars (main characters, mr. trippy, and the nazimobile) and the motorcycle (mr. drug boss) have made it pretty far up the mountain, it seems. cute moment between mr. drug boss and nelson. look how :D he is!

but you know a movie with Taika in it needs to have a father figure talk down to him so he gets very 🥺 right after this

lots of shit goes down (i won't spoil too much if by any chance you still want to watch this) and it turns out that the older skinhead guy is the best actor in the movie??

and NOW things get weird

Craig and The American have so much beef by now that they decide to solve it by russian roulette

Alice's reaction to this is something like "ugh, you guys are crazy, i can't watch this 🙄"

like she just walks away?? GIRL THEY'RE AIMING A REAL GUN AT EACH OTHER

she keeps COMPLETELY UNDERREACTING TO WHAT IS HAPPENING like (spoilers from now on) CRAIG IS SHOT AND KILLED and she doesn't even run over and she doesn't even say anything to The American?? WHO SHOT HIM???? he's just standing there??

and then. AND THEN.

ok this is where i fully lost it for several minutes and missed half the following scene. i was fucking HOWLING like actually crying with laughter, i couldn't see or breathe and my partner got worried ksjdhfdjsk ok so here's what happens

they're in the car. craig is obviously very dead. alice is kinda in denial i guess. The American tells her to shut his eyes and she's like why? BECAUSE HE DEAD GIRL!! but she doesn't, she doesn't shut his eyes, no, this is what she does instead

I COULD BARELY MAKE THIS GIF BECAUSE I KEPT LAUGHING TO THE POINT OF TEARS

NOT THE SUNGLASSES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THE UNTAPPED MEME POTENTIAL HERE IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS

ANYWAY shortly after this we hear one of the funniest lines in the movie (and it's not even about the shooting and killing of Craig):

"fuck, Seth! this isn't fucking America, you can't just go around shooting everybody!"

oh yeah The American does have a name and it's Seth

i'll just post a few chat screenshots for the next part because i can't really describe it, i promise we're almost at the end

after some incredible visual effects™️, we end with Return of the Sunglasses (and me scaring my cats away because i was sobbing again)

i haven't even really talked about Taika's scenes much (the reason i watched this in the first place) because the ending took me OUT and honestly he is maybe the most normal person in this whole movie. one review (from the trailer) wrote this:

and yeah that may honestly be the best way to describe it. 10/10 movie watching experience, highly recommend. thank you for coming to my snek talk

[ohnoitstbskyen]

one piece live action thoughts?

It looks very much like a live action adaptation of One Piece. For better, and very much also for worse.

I mean this in the sense that it's adapted to fit a form that helps it make sense 1) in live action and 2) to a general audience which isn't intimately familiar with manga or anime, and which a broadcaster or streaming service would want to reach.

Luffy especially, at least going by the relatively tiny snippet we have seen so far, seems to have had some of his more peculiar edges sanded off to fit more comfortably into the mold of a typical young adult protagonist, which includes the... I guess what people call "marvel speak" now? The little funny quips and asides and ironic saying-the-obvious-thing-out-loud beats, which are more Americanisms than Marvel specific but I digress.

In One Piece, Luffy is most often not the point of view character, especially early on. Luffy is usually observed from outside by other characters - Koby serves this role in the early chapters, and from then on usually we see Luffy through his crew, or through whatever secondary characters they're interacting with in that particular arc.

People have observed this before, but in the manga, we essentially NEVER get any internal monologue from Luffy, he always either SAYS what he's thinking, or he runs on head empty no thoughts just vibes instinct and gut reaction.

And that... probably doesn't really work with a typical young adult protagonist. If adapted faithfully to screen, I think a lot of audiences would read him as just a reckless, inconsiderate and kinda heartless asshole, because a framing and presentation of Luffy that makes sense in a manga or anime just doesn't read the same in live action filmmaking.

Like, One Piece opens with Luffy recklessly sailing off to sea despite having no idea how to sail, getting sucked into a whirlpool and surviving on sheer dumb luck, getting picked up by some pirates in a barrel. Then he meets an abused child named Koby who has been getting the shit kicked out of him daily for months and immediately calls him a clumsy, stupid, cowardly worthless loser to his face and laughs at him.

Like, if you adapted that faithfully, how would that come across to a general audience? Imagine this scene staged in live-action, with human actors having to portray this conversation rather than stylized cartoon people. It simply wouldn't come across the same way, Luffy would come across as an It's Always Sunny character at best. Why would a general audience sympathize with him? Why would they find him compelling or worth investing emotionally in?

And I'm not saying there aren't ways to adapt One Piece faithfully into live action, there absolutely are (much like the manga, I would make everyone ELSE the point-of-view characters looking AT Luffy rather than try and present him as a Likeable Protagonist, for example).

My point is just that in any translation into live action, there are going to be concessions to the medium, there are going to be concessions to film language, concessions to audience expectations, concessions to the market conditions, concessions to the studio funding the filming, and so on. That's just the nature of the endeavour.

When it's done well, you get an adaptation that preserves the spirit of the thing while fitting its medium. Lord of the Rings comes to mind, an adaptation which changed huge amounts from its source material, but preserved the spirit.

When it's done poorly you get... well, Cowboy Bebop on Netflix.

I don't know from the tiny trailer snippet we've seen whether this show will preserve the spirit of One Piece, it very well may not, and end up another victim on the pile of bad anime adaptations. But I don't think the fact that it changed the vibe of the characters or Main Character'd Luffy alone are reasons to dismiss it, at least not yet. Those might have been necessary concessions for the show to work in live action at all. We shall see.

I'm not super optimistic or excited (because, again, I remember Cowboy Bebop), but I'm not despairing of it yet either.