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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #474

“nothing flashed before my eyes / no pretty angels, no bright lights / all i saw was the devil’s soul, & it looked a hell a lot like my own”

Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He can be a challenge. He says whatever comes to his mind the moment he thinks it, and it's not always nice. What is the most exciting thing about your life right now? My relationship, honestly. It feels like the one thing that's going right, but I'm concerned if I don't take care of the things that aren't going so well, that they will creep into my relationship and start breaking it down, ex. not having a job. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? To just keep pushing and not give up on life, and that it is full of phases, be them good, bad, or bland. Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there? No. Do you have a “one who got away”? I don't feel like that anymore. If you were in a supoerhero movie, would you be the hero or the villain? Because I like to help people, I'd like to be the hero, BUT villains are waaaay cooler. If you found a mouse in your house, would you be frightened? Frightened, no. I LOVE mice. I'd of course be startled and concerned about it getting into food, but I'd just calmly find a way to get it outside. Have you ever tried to perform magic tricks? I used to LOVE getting those little magic kits when the Scholastic fair came around! I had I want to say three and was pretty good at a lot of tricks in them. Can you do more with a yo-yo than just "go up and down"? No. What is one form of technology that you wouldn't be able to live without? The Internet for sure. Did you get an allowance, growing up? Why or why not? No. An allowance for three daughters was something my parents couldn't afford. Would you rather go to a water park or an amusement park? Why? An amusement park. They're more exciting to me, and somehow water parks seem dirtier with all the little kids and just alksdjlfa;wjke What is one instrument you wouldn't mind learning how to play? The violin. What's the longest amount of time you've had to wait in line for something? Probably something at Disney World as a kid, idr. What is something that you would like to learn more about? I ALWAYS want to learn more and more about meerkats. What is something that one of your family member collects? Mom collects owl stuff. Have you ever moved to a new school before? If so, how did it feel? No, except obviously when transferring from certain age ranges, like elementary to middle school. Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework? Yes, at least once in middle school. I felt SO awful and had to go outside of the classroom to do it while they were reviewing the work. Do you enjoy autumn leaves or spring flowers more? Why? I really, really like both. Each are just very pretty in their own right. Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? Hurricanes or like the mere chance of a centimeter of snow. At least once, we've even had such a severe heat advisory that school was called off. If you could meet any fictional character from a book, who would it be? Can dragons be real? 'Cuz then I wanna meet Clay from Wings of Fire if we could talk, lol. He's so wise and I'm sure would have great knowledge to share about looking at my life from new perspectives. What are some common places that people tour when they come to your city? Um, people do NOT tour this city. It's trash. What's one food that you did not enjoy as a child, but do as an adult? I'm not sure. How would having no electricity affect your daily routine? Everything would change, given I'm always on the computer. Would you rather have a mermaid tail, a fairy's wings or a unicorn's horn? Fairy wings, for sure. What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed? I wish SO badly that opossums were domesticated animals, alsdkjfkaljwe. I say enough that I do want to rescue/foster one, though, but I would obviously need a license for that. I would absolutely never just snag one from the wild. What are some things that you do to make the world a better place? We recycle here, don't dare to litter, and I always try to be a decent person that spreads love and hope to other people. Has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you? Yes. What’s your favorite store at your mall? rue21, I suppose. We have a small mall. Have you ever done a workout DVD? Oh my actual god, this is a THROWBACK. When we were really little, my sister had a BARBIE workout DVD that we watched sometimes. Who usually takes out the trash in your family? Usually Mom, but sometimes me. What song are you currently obsessed with? Absolutely "Bath Salts" by Highly Suspect, ahhhhh- When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook? When I used to go fishing, my dad would always unhook the fish. Do you take any prescription meds? A lot. What happens if you don’t take them? I very rarely forget to take my medicine, but when I do, I experience anxiety and my tremors get worse. Who was the last person you dreamt about? I don't remember. Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened? I hate tea in any way. How often do you honk your horn? I don't really drive, so. I'd be very hesitant to though because I wouldn't wanna piss someone off. Do you have any children? If so, names and ages? That's a hard pass from me, bro. Have your parents ever witnessed you doing something inappropriate? What? No. Did you get babysat a lot as a kid? I don't remember how frequently, but we did have a babysitter. Both my parents had jobs. If you were the principal of a school, what would you do differently? Actually pay fucking attention to bullying and do shit about it. Are you doing anything fun tomorrow? "Fun?" Don't know her. What is something you'd like to receive as a housewarming gift? I dunno. How old were you when you first experienced the effects of puberty? I don't remember. What is your least favorite holiday, and why? St. Patrick's Day because I worry about getting pinched, lol. Pinching even very lightly is surprisingly painful for me. What were some outdoor games you played as a child? Hide-and-seek was my favorite, then my sisters and I made games for on the trampoline and in the pool, etc. Did you accompany your parents on "Take Your Child to Work" Day? I never remember doing that, no. Are cemeteries peaceful to you, or do they freak you out? They're humbling, more than anything. A reminder of how equal we are and that we all end up the same. It's a nudge to cherish life while you have it. Which ancient civilization would you be interested in learning more about? My favorite is Ancient Egyptian. Do you have better long-term memory or short-term memory? Long-term. My short-term memory is absolutely frighteningly horrid. What was the last situation that made you cry? Describe. I was very frustrated with just life in general and how horribly I'm failing at it. Which forest animal would you be most afraid to encounter? A bear, probably. Do you believe in anything supernatural? (ie: spirits, etc) Yeah, like said spirits. Has anyone close to you ever gone to war? No. Have you ever experienced altitude sickness? No. Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly? I don't know right now. Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? EW you couldn't pay me to. If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to? My boyfriend. What was the last new food/drink that you tried? I recently tried jalapeno-stuffed grilled chicken, and a couple days ago I tried this orange/strawberry V8 my mom bought. It was noooot good, which I figured it wouldn't be. That's not a good mix. Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? Today was fucking awful, and yesterday wasn't exactly peachy either. Have you ever played Sudoku? Yeah, I enjoy it well enough. Do you ever take surveys for money? No; I once signed up for a site like that though because my mom used to do that, but I literally qualified for no surveys with how inexperienced I was and still am with grown-up stuff. Do you like Barbie or Bratz better? I don't have an opinion, and I didn't really as a kid, either. Do you prefer purple or green grapes? I go back and forth, but either way, it has to be a crisp grape or it's just gross. Who was the last person that made you laugh? I was watching a John Wolfe video. Where does your best friend live? Illinois. Who did you last confide in? Girt. Does your car have an alarm? Mom's doesn't. Where was your mom born? New York. What can always make you feel better no matter what? If I'm being completely realistic, nothing. Not every single tactic is fail-proof, especially these days. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Crab legs came to mind first. They are SO mushy and just gross. What is currently happening that is scaring you? My life, bro. Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say? I mean maybe at some point accidentally? I don't remember a specific occurrence.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''bath salts'' by highly suspect

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marinetteplztakeabreak · 5 years

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An analysis of Kagami’s character in season 3

Warnings: discussion of anxiety and not good parenting

I hated Oni Chan when it first came out, because it seemed like it was really butchering Kagami’s character, but I just rewatched it and... all of her actions seem really justified. Looking at her thought process has lead me to a way deeper understanding of Kagami’s character

(under the cut because this got fairly long)

So obviously she acts way over the top while she’s akumatized, that’s how akumas work, but the parts where she’s acting of her own free will? Everything she did made perfect sense.

To review, just before being akumatized, Kagami is practicing fencing with her mother. She gets a message on her phone, and her mother makes her wait until after she’s done practicing to open it. Kagami looks really disappointed in herself for getting in trouble with her mom. This is speculation, but that is her mom’s only spoken line in the entire episode, so there’s a chance that the only comment Kagami’s mother made during her entire practice was being upset at Kagami for her phone, and that would force Kagami to fixate on the message throughout practice. She clearly wants her mother’s approval, and the message was getting in the way of it. Even if it wasn’t the only thing she said, it’s been shown that Kagami takes any criticism from her mother really hard.

Also, this episode comes before Ikari Gozen. Kagami’s still has basically no friends (except maybe Adrien) and desperately wants to be accepted. There was a reason that she picked up her phone immediately and tried to look at the message; Kagami isn’t the type to just forget her mom’s rule. So either getting messages on her phone is so rare that it’s something she never really had to deal with before, which would make the message something really special to her, or she just desperately wants friends enough that her eagerness to see the message won out over her strict discipline enough to make her forget the rules.

And then, after all the mental buildup, Kagami finished practicing and opens the message. So, keep in mind, on top of what I already said, that Kagami’s going to be physically exhausted because she just finished a workout, and probably also frustrated because her mother definitely didn’t give her the validation she wanted. She’s going to be sort of on a knife’s edge anyways. And, judging by her brief smile as she put her phone away while her mother told her off, the message was probably something that she was looking forward to as a way to ignore all the other pain.

Then comes the part that everyone criticizes. In the course of about 30 seconds, she 1) opens the message to see that it’s a selfie of Lila kissing Adrien on the cheek, 2) sort of growls as she throws her phone across the feild, 3) opens up a notebook, gently touches a photograph of her and Adrien at fencing practice that was carefully tucked between the pages, 4) pulls out the rose Adrien gave her which is now pressed, 5) we see a brief flashback Adrien handing her the rose in Frozer, and then 6) she picks up her sword, 7) we see a few tears run down her face, and then 8) she gets akumatized. That all seems super sudden and needlessly dramatic at first viewing, but let’s break it down.

No matter what, it’s going to hurt to see the picture of Adrien who’s apparently casually hanging out with some other girl in his room. Kagami “never hesitates” and I think it’s safe to assume that she’s already asked if she could visit him multiple times and been turned down because he’s “never allowed to have friends over” or something, so this is going to feel like a slap in the face. She doesn’t have enough time to think everything through, but just the brief suggestion that her only friend might have been lying to her to avoid her because he didn’t actually want to see her is an enormous blow to her fragile self-confidence. Just by merit of having Adrien as her only friend, she’s going to hear a whole lot of “sorry I can’t interact with you ever my dad doesn’t want me to have friends” and by merit of being Kagami she’s got some huge doubts and trust issues, so I can almost guarantee that the fear that he was actually lying to her and just disliked her had probably been bubbling for a while and wouldn’t take much to set it off. Especially in during a post-fencing practice adrenaline high, throwing her phone was a pretty understandable reaction.

Then, there’s the photograph and the rose. So Kagami obviously cares deeply about Adrien if she’s carrying those around with her, but it makes sense. He gave her the rose like it was something deeply special, he’d probaly be expecting her to keep it safe, and it makes sense that she’d want to preserve it forever. And keeping photographs with friends is a pretty normal thing.

Now, we don’t know the exact details of Kagami’s home life, but from experience interacting with my friend’s parents, her mom strikes me as the type of parent who’s obsessed with control and doesn’t believe that their children deserve privacy. and 90% of the time, that kind of parenting leads to children who try to hide everything they can from their parents and are really good at sneaking away (like, maybe, lying to their mother about participating in a harmless game? Knowing enough about their car’s security to hack it without a second thought? Sneaking away from a fancy event the first chance they get? Only having one number in their entire phone because their mom won’t let them talk to others? Impulsively lying to their mom about interests? I could go on forever but yeah Kagami’s a very familiar type of person that I see in a lot of my classmates and it hurts my heart.)

So back to the photograph and the rose being kept on Kagami’s person at all times: it makes total sense. She doesn’t have any privacy anywhere else. She’s going to be afraid to talk to her mother about any of her interests anyway for fear of being ridiculed, and even more terrified when that interest is friendship. Look at Ikari Gozen. Kagami brings up Adrien in front of her mom for the first time on screen, she says his first and last name like she’s trying to be really formal and distance herself emotionally from him. Then, her mother immediately insults Adrien and you can physically see Kagami regret what she had said and try to change the conversation by just agreeing with her mother. She knows she won’t ever change her mother’s mind and she does her own thing regardless of what her mother says, but that doesn’t make her mother’s disapproval not sting. Of course, in a world where she has to hide any interest she has if she doesn’t want it to be attacked, she’s going to keep the photograph and the rose away from anyone else’s prying eyes.

And then, I’ll admit, at first I made fun of her impulsive reaction: where she saw a selfie of Adrien with another girl and then immediately started petting a photo of herself with him, but this time I thought about all of this from Kagami’s point of view and I had a huge realization.

I headcanon Kagami as having both anxiety and autism, and it’s pretty well supported by the show anyways, which is a conversation for another time. But specifically, having both means that they can feed each other a lot. If you’re having an anxiety attack because you think your friends might hate you, it’s a lot harder to break out of it if you also know that you’re terrible at reading social cues, and it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the fear that people are just subtly telling you they hate you and you’re missing their cues. And that would relate to Kagami’s situation incredibly well: she doesn’t have anyone else to validate her, and Adrien’s nice and all but it’d be really easy, especially in the clutches of an anxiey spiral, to think that maybe his “excuses” are actually his way of tellling her that he doesn’t like her, and that her own lack of social nuance is keeping her from seeing it.

This is obviously not a good place to be mentally, but as someone who has been there and who has a therapist, the best advice I’ve ever gotten to deal with it has been to step back and look only at concrete things, because my brain will take anything open for interpretation and turn it into an attack on myself.

And this is exactly what Kagami does. I’d bet that this has happened several times before, because Kagami had been overwhelmed by so much emotion that she had growled and thrown her phone; I think she was acting on instinct when she pulled the notebook out. And it makes sense that this would be Kagami’s impulsive response: she was just flooded with an unmanageable wave of fear and doubt that Adrien had been lying to her, and then she turned to the concrete evidence she had that he did care about her. Remember, this isn’t just about romantic fantasies, this is about the only friend she’s ever made and her own fear that she can’t even trust herself to read interactions; it’s going to be really overwhelming. So she pulls out the photo of herself with Adrien. It’s real, it’s proof that Adrien was there with her and acknowledges that she exists and smiles at her like that. In the midst of a breakdown, that photograph would be a huge means of grounding herself in reality. And then she pulls out the rose, even more solid evidence that he cares about her. No matter what else, he did give her this rose, it’s real and it’s here.

So I can completely see why she that was her immediate reaction: the message triggered a specific panic attack that she’s had multiple times before, she freaked out, and then she turned to calm herself down the best she could. It may have all turned out fine and deescalated quickly. Except, the rose is connected to a very specific memory: a very sad Adrien told Kagami that he was in love with someone who didn’t like him back when he gave it to her.

Take a second to think about this all from Kagami’s point of view: she’s ridiculously emotionally unsteady at the moment, she’s thinking about a time when Adrien was left brokenhearted by some girl who he’s still waiting on, and then she gets a photo of a girl being all flirty with Adrien. She knows Lila Rossi specifically, I don’t know how much she knows about her lies, but she seems to know her enough to know that she’s a manipulative jerk. So any implication at all that this could be the girl who’s continuing to break Adrien’s heart, and who he’s still loyally waiting on? Of course Kagami’s going to go absolutely mental. She cares about Adrien enough to want to protect him from anyone who’d toy with his emotions for their own benefit.

I don’t know exactly why she picks up her sword, whether she was going to blow off some more steam practicing or what, but it was a time when Kagami had every right to act rashly. Same thing goes with the fact that she started crying in that moment. She’s so so overwhelmed. And then of course Hawkmoth akumatizes her.

I’m almost done, but seriously, if you haven’t seen this episode in a while, please take a look at Kagami and Adrien’s interactions at the very end. Kagami is so ridiculously happy when Adrien is nice to her, and in context of everything else, it’s almost sad. But she very clearly does care about Adrien and wants to be able to trust him to make his own decisions.

#oni chan #kagami tsurugi #ml kagami #miraculous ladybug #mlb

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ailuronymy · 4 years

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Book Club: Tallstar’s Revenge, chpt. 28-36 overview.

A definitive diagnosis, courtesy of two famed armchair psychiatrists:

“Basically, this cat needs CBT.” -- S.

“YEP.” -- K.

This week we’re discussing this chapter through these nine questions. Please feel welcome to do the same and @ailuronymy + use the tag #ailuronymy writing challenge. Don’t forget: next time is the last section, but it’s never too late to jump on board if you want to! Happy reading and I’m looking forward to seeing your feelings about this book.

1. First impressions?

K. Exhausting to read - like, genuinely, it was a slog. Jake is the only light in all of this badness, and even then. S. Bad! We've hit Bluestar's Prophecy level and I don't see things turning around. Regrettable.

2. How did you feel reading this section?

S. Hm. I would say one-part anger, to two-parts bored, with a dash of Love Jake. K. I'd say betrayed if I didn't fully expect this kind of pedantic shit from the Erins already. But like... yeah. I somehow didn't think it could get worse, and yet.

3. What chapter did you find most interesting/moving/effective, and why?

S. The one with Jake and Talltail inside the house as Jake tries to explain things to Talltail and convince him that to get what he wants he has to not be a jerk. K. Chapter Thirty-One was fun just to see Jake/Talltail hijinks in play. Everything else was mind-numbing.

4. What chapter did you find least interesting/effective/most frustrating, and why?

S. Uhhh, all of them but especially the huge chunks of description while he was travelling and running around doing whatever the hell. In every way but physically, I was asleep. K. Yeah, same. The first chapter of this section has everything I hate: swaths of dry, meaningless descriptions, Shadowclan being vaguely mean, and Sandgorse Coming Back To Menace Me Personally. All bad.

5. Is there a passage that stuck in your mind–for good, or not-so-good reasons? What is it, and why did it stand out? Try breaking it down and analysing what this passage does and how.

S. For me, it was a specific line: “I just say yes to everything, he likes that” -- I LOVE Jake. S. It was so cute, and it captured such a nice relationship between Jake and his person. It also reminded me a lot of talking with the old boy, because probably we're just saying, "that's really interesting" to each other back and forth.

K. I agree. The line just before that is: “He is like kin,” Jake snapped back. “I’ve known him my whole life. He makes sure I’m warm and fed. And I sit with him and keep him company when he’s alone. We talk to each other.” K. It's just? Sweet?? K. Like, there's SO MUCH hate on Twolegs in Warriors for some level of understandable reasoning, but it felt so good to see Jake actively defending his owner's role in his life.

S. Yeah, I was like, okay Erin Hunter, so sometimes you get it. And then they turn around and go straight back to self-wedgietown and I'm like, really. S. On that note: S. I guess for not-good reasons, it has to be the kitty litter scene. S. Erin Hunter wins the gold in the "what the fuck are you doing" event, yet again.

6. The story has taken a major shift in setting and location. Do you like this new space more, or do you miss the clan? Why do you think you feel this way?

K. Bad! I want to be back with the Clans, please! It was terrible there but at least it wasn't whatever the fuck is happening here! K. That said, I did enjoy the house scenes. Just as a treat.

S. I was very curious to see how they were going to explore the outer world, but it was a huge let down. They either drowned it in empty, boring description, or just kind of overlooked it. They didn't go for the nice medium of interesting vignettes the way I (foolishly) had hoped for. S. More for me, I guess.

7. Last week we talked about what lessons we could learn from the text. This week, think about what lesson you would most want to teach Talltail at this junction in his life. What advice does he most need to hear?

K. PLEASE STOP BEING THE WORST K. But for real: hm. I guess like. You need to learn to let go of shit, my man. Sometimes bad things happen and you have to put them aside or else those feelings take over your life.

S. Yeah, I'm thinking along the same lines. I think Talltail really needs to learn how to separate his thoughts from his self, because he's clearly very invested in the narrative he's telling himself. He's had a history of negative self-view (encouraged by his environment) and it's going to be really beneficial for him to practice genuine mindfulness and recognise that a feeling is a feeling, not a command to be followed. A thought isn't you, it's a thought. You're allowed to have both--in fact, can't stop yourself from having both--but you don't have to believe in them or be controlled by them. S. What's motivating him is guilt, which often comes from shame and feelings of powerlessness. He's trying to take control and he feels this narrative he's telling himself is the solution. S. So my advice would be basically that: you're not your thoughts or your feelings. Those just happen to you. Imagine them like weather, always changing, coming and going. S. And when you practice that enough, you'll become aware of how constructed it all is. You'll realise when you're acting through your emotions without being aware of them. For example, like this whole quest.

K. Oh, also as an add-on: obviously a lot of self-care and putting yourself on the path towards bettering yourself comes from choices only you can make, but listening to your support system and truly hearing what they have to say is also important! K. Talltail has had a lot of people around him trying to vouch for better options he could take to better himself, offering to listen and support him, and he's been too in his emotions or too angry to listen to them.

S. Basically, this cat needs CBT.

K. YEP.

S. I'd also like to offer advice to Jake. S. I want to tell him that he's right to stand up for himself. I want him to know that if someone he likes denigrates him or mocks him or views him as inferior, they are not being a good friend or partner and he deserves to have someone who builds him up, supports him, and respects him. S. That feels important to me, given how fast he seems to have fallen for someone behaving so poorly towards him. S. Like, not to be meta, but that's a Big issue in queer community in the real world.

K. It's true! K. People get so desparate for connection that it's easy to let a lot of red flags go unnoticed for the sake of keeping something going.

S. Queer folk believing that they're unlovable, so they settle for anyone who gives them attention or insinuates that maybe they're okay. Queer folk feels so desperately, deeply isolated and lonely, that they decide to get with someone inappropriate or even toxic because they're terrified that they'll never find anyone else, that it's their only chance at finding a romantic partner. S. Exactly. I want Jake to know that he's loveable and valuable, and that having high standards and expectations and healthy boundaries for a partner and romantic relationship is good and important for finding the right relationship and achieving the kind of happiness he's looking for.

8. Think back over the book so far (including this section). Out of all the characters, who do you relate to the most? Is this because the character is similar to you in personality, or because their experiences are familiar to you–or a bit of both?

K. In its own way, I think I can find aspects of Tallpaw relatable. Wanting to direct your anger at people over things you can't change or take back is something that's pretty human. K. But on the flipside: I would like to think that I could relate to someone like Dawnstripe, too? In being able to look back on those moments with an adult's perspective and be able to go "Hey, listen, I've got your back, but also: have some advice that you really need to hear."

S. Same hat! S. I was also going to say Dawnstripe. Out of all the characters, I relate most to her--probably because she's a teacher! I also got wildly mad at that stunt Sandgorse pulled with the tunnel, and Shrewpaw in that fight, so I feel like Dawnstripe is definitely a character that speaks to my experience of this book. S. We can make our first Book Club merch: we are all Dawnstripe.

K. YES. I’m okay with this. K. The back of the shirt says "heatherstar please call me back" in tiny font.

S. GOD. Iconic.

9. We’re on the second last section of this novel. Next week, we read the end! But before we get there, what do you think will happen? If you’ve already read this novel before, use this space to write what you remember feeling at the end last time–did you feel happy, sad, disappointed, angry? Do you think you’ll feel differently this time?

K. Sandgorse is going to personally come into my home and destroy me on the spot with bad characterization, and that's a threat from Erin Hunter herself.

S. Yeah, you were very right when you predicted that he'd be giving Tallstar one of his lives, I think.

K. Talltail hasn't even had an apprentice yet! We're just gonna fast-track his entire warrior-hood and go straight to leadership once he gets back to Windclan, I think.

S. Yep! Just like they did for Bluestar. S. Everyone knows being a deputy is a boring, worthless job and the only thing that matters is being leader.

K. Sigh.

S. Obviously, Talltail isn't going to kill Sparrow, and Jake and Talltail will have some kind of sad goodbye, and then Talltail will go back to Windclan like, "sorry I left, I had a crisis."

K. Yeah, and they'll all go "Oh hey dude, thanks for showing back up, we weren't too worried"

S. "We barely noticed you were gone." [zoom in to Talltail's dead eyes as he looks at the camera] S. Also, what's the bet that they're going to manifest some drama over Talltail with Reena and Jake?

K. Oh, I'd say the chances of that are relatively high. K. It'll happen for like 1.5 chapters. K. And then be ignored.

S. Like, what's the bet they're going to try to shove a heterosexual plot in there and have Reena be all over him and mad that Jake's even there?

K. Yep yep yep. K. And then Talltail will snap out of it to brood more.

S. Which is going to be wild given that the last time Reena saw Talltail, he was a huge prick. S. But she's a woman, he's a man, can Erin Hunter make it any more obvious?

Final notes:

K. Please. Unleash thy rage. S. From my notes: S. "Erin Hunter is fucking wild, we don’t NEED the level of realism “taking a dump in front of my soon-to-be boyfriend,” holy fuck, great first date, you fucking crazy people" K. IT'S BAD!!!!!!!! IT'S SO BAD!!!!!!!!!! S. I literally had to stop reading to laugh for a full minute. S. I was like, you've got to be kidding me, you've got to be kidding me. Just a desperate chant. S. But they were not kidding me! S. And what makes it so egregious is that it's in such fucking detail. S. If this was Watership Down, a scene would not be ruined by: "He passed hraka by some ragwort before hopping over to him. "All right," said Pine. "What do you need?"" Like, it's not disruptive and doesn't ping to change the tone or like, emotional calibre of the story. S. Jake giving Talltail step-by-step instructions on how to relieve himself while watching was absolutely way off.

K. I am taking a fucking screenshot because look at this. Look at how horrendous this looks. This is the visual, writing equivalent of staring at a desert wasteland full of nothing. K. [screenshot of several pages of description] K. Pictured above: NOTHING IS FUCKING HAPPENING S. I KNOW S. It was just barren expanses of running around that did nothing, achieved nothing, moved the story forward no amount. K. It is just. So monotonous. It's dry, and boring, and it feels so lifeless. K. It's the equivalent of fucking... fourth grade bullshit. "Talltail walked to the log. He jumped on it and used it to cross the river. He leaped off and continued on through the grass. Then he saw a moth." S. But yeah, it was unbearable. My eyes glazed over and I skimmed just about all of it. S. Other notes: S. “I’m just skimming all this description, I don’t care, I’ve got teacher-brain on and all I’m thinking is, this could have been summary [...] and there’s so much description again, it’s just not interesting! I don’t know why people think “action” is interesting. It’s barely interesting for more than two minutes in an action FILM, why do you think a book is going to be somehow more successful at being an impressive spectacle than a film, my god, learn your goddamn medium”

K. SANDGORSE STAY DEAD 2K20 S. Note: "I fucking hate this bullshit ghost of Sandgorse thing. I can’t believe they killed off the character I loathed just to bring him back for reasons of cryptic bullshit" K. The fact that his ghost keeps fucking showing up is killing ME K. ESPECIALLY because he's gonna come back like "Son...... this is not the way...... Im proud of you.........." K. And Talltail will go "oh shit oh fuck you're right" S. "Daddy loved me all along. It's my fault for not realising that.” S. Literally all I can think about when Sandgorse shows up in these chapters is that bit in Twilight where Edward Cullen's force ghost or whatever is like, lie.

S. Because of how Talltail's behaving, I actually really do not vibe Jake and Talltail's relationship at all. K. Oh?? Go off, my good bitch. S. It pings badly for me that Jake meets this guy, who's an arsehole, and then he helps this guy, who's still being a racist dick. Then he gets feelings about this guy in a really short period of time, despite minimal changes in his behaviour towards him. K. Oh boy, yeah, that's all true. S. Not to be like Twilight again about it but like: this is not a great start to a relationship. This is actually a red flag. Someone who doesn't respect you and is just a prick and is using you as a means to an end, is not someone you should be attracted to. The fact that Jake is says something about how he's doing emotionally, and it really conflicts for me that someone with such a certain sense of self and value would find Talltail even remotely attractive. I don't believe it.

K. Jake’s superpower is just Being Kind & Having Reasonable Thoughts. “Aren’t you tired of going ape shit, Talltail? Don’t you just wanna be nice?” S. God, you're so right. S. I am super looking forward to writing Jake and Talltail's Hot Girl Summer, though. K. Which like, if Talltail had better things to be frustrated about, I would love Jake to fill his role of like... the complimentary half to Talltail, in that regard. K. Talltail is just SO in his head about EVERYTHING and Jake is just living in the moment! S. He’s vibing! K. Lmao also from the notes: Jake shifted his paws. “I know I’m a kittypet. I’m happy with that.” He began to head down the slope that led into the valley. “It doesn’t mean I can’t walk a different path for a while.” — Talltail, recently shoved back into the closet, randomly befriending a comfortably out bisexual otter… who’d have thought S. Canon Talltail is a hot mess and that's Erin's fault, but these two are good. K. more highlights: The hunting scene… sharing together… “Only if it’s offered.” “I’m offering.” How the fuck did the Erins stumble into speaking in tongues and the translation coming out as Gay Rights S. "It's rotten work." "Not if I'M OFFERING." K. Talltail’s mew trailed away. He didn’t want Jake to go. He searched the kittypet’s green gaze. “You don’t have to come.” “I want to!” Jake shifted his paws, adding quietly, “If you don’t mind, that is.” Talltail glanced at the ground, feeling hot. “I don’t mind,” he murmured. “It’s good to have company.” — LIKE THEY REALLY ARE JUST LIKE THIS K. Oh man I have some other good notes: I can’t believe that Talltail is SO edgy and in his feelings that he can’t even stomach simulated affection to this random human. “Pretend it’s a tree” DUDE just let yourself GO, release your inhibitions K. God can you just imagine K. Talltail finding Jake who gets him to calm down by getting so fucking cat high S. Just like, "here dude fucking chew this plant and maybe you’ll calm down." K. Talltail: I want revenge :'( Jake: bro. shut up and eat this leaf

K. “Please can I go outside?” he mewed in his most plaintive voice.” — Talltail just sounds like a sad little Victorian orphan. I can’t believe all the Miette goofs are canon and real. You kick Talltail like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for Starclan! Jail for Starclan for one-thousand years! S. I know. I was losing it that we basically predicted the whole scene with Jake and his person. S. "I taught him how to say food but he's very bad at it." S. That was probably the most enjoyable moment in the entire section for me. S. Makes you really wonder why the fuck pet cats have human-given names, though. K. FUCK IT DIDN'T EVEN HIT ME THAT UHHH K. THAT'S WACK HUH ISNT IT S. It's so wack.

K. I want us to just break something down for a hot moment S. I love to break it down with you. K. Talltail's plan is... bad S. Oh, it's dumb as hell. K. Like I'm imagining all of this from Sparrow's perspective K. Like it's one of those podcast horror stories S. I have that note too: this dude has no idea. K. "So one summer I accidentally got into a bad accident, and the guy I was with didn't make it out. His kid is really broken up about it and is pretty pissed at me, and straight up ignores me or glares at me the rest of the summer. Fast forward a few months and suddenly he shows up again out of the blue, and now says he wants to stay with me and my family. Says he's changed and that he wants to spend more time with us. THEN HE PLANS MY MURDER" S. It's really funny to imagine Talltail staring into the distance like, "my nemesis, you killed my father, prepare to die." And then smash cut to a completely oblivious Sparrow like, taking a nap. Having a snack with his friends. Smelling a flower.

S. Note: "I’m so unbelievably bored of Talltail having the same three stupid thoughts over and over and over" S. “The heartless rogue was going to pay for destroying his life” GOD SKIP S. “Twolegs are rabbit-brains.” get some new material for fuck’s sake S. His internal monologue is now entirely on par with Bluefur's I feel like? K. it is!!!! it is!!!!!! K. It's the same quality! It's just so disappointing that a book that started off like. K. SOMEHOW better than BP. K. Just swiftly dunked us back in the can. S. They just beat you to death over and over with the same inane conversations, the same unconvincing internal monologue. You could have a better book by literally just cutting this one in half. Just edit out all the repetitive bullshit. S. But they need to reach word count, so they don't. They shove more in, because there has to be 45 chapters, because it's a super edition. K. It's disgusting. I know y'all have a business to run but also If It Weren't For The Laws Of This Land, S. It really reframes for me all the people who were like, "it's the best super edition!" doesn’t it? K. YEAH S. Like, yikes. K. Like it's better than a lot of super editions and by a lot I mean Surprise, They're All The Same Fucking Book, K. How do you write the same book like forty times and never get it right, like, once.

#ailuronymy book club #hope you're all having a good time reading along and/or reading our overviews!

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blazoff · 4 years

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Staying Awhile

Oh God, how do I start this?

I figured that given the current circumstances, I would extend and share some of my thoughts. These are trying times. No longer do we have the veil of life’s every day distractions to occupy our mind and many of us, including me, have unfortunately receded back into a place that we have hoped we would never have to return to again. I decided to write this upon hearing that more than a few of my friends have been having a difficult time adjusting to this new world, many of them dealing with even more on top of mandated isolation.

Before I get into the nitty-gritty, I would like to start by saying that there is one thing that we all must at the very least consider, and that is that no one is entirely responsible for all of their actions. We are imperfect beings, looking at the world through an imperfect lens. For a lack of a more elegant way of saying it, we all fuck up from time to time. I have noticed that, at least in my very own experience, we judge others by their actions and often judge ourselves by our intentions. It is in my belief that this is what turns us into animals.

When I was younger, I struggled deeply with my own identity. I did not know who I was or who I was suppose to be. I’m sure many of you can resonate with that. My friends would text me asking to hang out, only for me to accept until they were parked outside of my house. I had the insane delusion that I had to have my mind made up about who I was and what I stood for before I could step out into the world. I failed to recognize that very few people, even some towards the end of their lives, have come to know who they truly are. I never brought these feelings of uneasiness up to my friends and family, and it grew and festered inside of me almost until it was too late.

Sometime early during my junior year of high school, I finally decided that I wanted to be someone. Something. Now, this is not inherently a problem. It is natural to want to be a part of others’ lives and to feel accepted. Except that this decision was not calculated. It only worsened my situation. I drank. I smoked. I partied. I was trying to be someone I knew I wasn’t, but nonetheless I was sick of being called a pussy and sick of feeling so worthless. Eventually, I threw myself at a girl. I was so deeply disgusted with myself that I had never so much as kissed another person that, without even an ounce of consideration, I latched onto another person. Someone who was just as broken as me, and the two of us took advantage of each other whenever possible.

I became depressed and intensely infatuated with the thought of suicide.

For months I didn’t get out of bed unless it was for school. I was increasingly awful and inconsiderate to my parents and brother (God bless them). I painted the girl I was once with as the devil when she truly wasn’t. I just wanted someone to blame other than myself. I vividly remember laying in my bed, picking dates, and imagining all the ways I could end my own life. It was agony. Until, one day, for one reason or another, a lightbulb went off in my head. To this day I’m not even sure why it came to my mind. I like to think that it was because maybe someone mentioned me in a prayer. I had finally came to the realization that if I were to end my life, I was going to hurt a lot of people. Not just my mother, father, brother, extended family, or close friends. I thought of those people I would just occasionally just say, “Hi” to. Even if that was the extent of our interactions, what might happen to them if I suddenly wasn’t there without any real explanation? What if even just one of them looked up to me or saw me as a friend? The thought of inconveniencing someone for even just a moment started to feel more and more wrong to me. So I changed. I have those people to thank for saving my life, and I guarantee some of you are reading this right now.

I set out on a journey to return the favor and give to people as much as they gave to me. I finally had a sense of purpose, that is: I was put on this earth to help others. I still think this is true to this day, and even though I falter, I give it my best damn shot. With my new found appreciation of life I met my first real girlfriend. I tried to apply what I learned to our relationship and for a great while, I think it worked. She, very much like me, struggled with her mental health. Finally I was able to relate to someone, and although I hate to sometimes admit it, some of my favorite memories were from our time together. She (at the time) was great for me because I had someone to take care of. When she mentioned to me her various underlying symptoms, I took it upon myself to stay up countless nights and read about what they could possibly mean for her and for myself. I eventually came to the conclusion that she might have a specific mental disorder, so I mentioned it to her in hopes she would be able to seek professional help and be properly diagnosed. Almost two and half years later, I unfortunately turned out being right after she received an official diagnosis in therapy (in retrospect, I’m a bit of a jackass for doing this though. Even suggesting to someone that they might have a specific mental disorder should be left to trained professionals).

However, all things to come to an end. As I set out to Indiana University for my sophomore year of college, her and I split. I once again fell into a depressive state and became something I would soon hate. I was frustrated with the fact that she chose to leave me in a time when I was increasingly vulnerable. When I told her I was beginning to think about suicide again, it was too much for her to handle at the time. For months after we were done I selfishly tried to reach out to her to voice my anger and confusion. I failed to do what I originally set out to do. I was no longer helping her, even if I felt the entire situation was woefully unfair to me. After months of wrestling with this simple fact I accepted that the only person you owe something in this world is yourself. People must take care of themselves first before they can adequately take care of others.

So, once again, that’s what I did. I figured that was what she was doing. I started cooking. I started working out. I started writing. I distracted myself with different hobbies and interests. I even came to the conclusion that I was dealing with a specific mental disorder of my own, and to my surprise within a month I was diagnosed with ADHD and even started medication. Once again, I started to see the world under a different light. One not so different than the one previously mentioned, but different nonetheless.

Now I ask of you to do the same. Work on improving yourself. Help others when they are down. Set goals for yourself each day and accomplish them. Start small, be realistic, and be timely. Even if you fail to do what you set out to do, just know that you will be better for it. Progress will be made, even in times like these where it is tempting to get lost in our own thoughts. We only got one chance at this crazy thing called life, so you might as well go for it. I hope the sentiments I shared in this writing are heard, because you are just important as the person sitting next to you.

Stay Awhile. You might just be saving someone’s life and you might not even be aware of it. If you need someone to talk to during all of this, feel free to reach out to me. I might not be able to give you the best advice but at the very least I can listen. And for those of you who took the time out of your day to read this, I say to you, “Thank You.” It is my dream to write and create stories that move people, and today I feel as if I took a necessary step in order to do that. I am going to start writing here more so feel free to check back from time to time.

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illthdar · 5 years

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11/11/11 Tag

Tagged by @silver-wields-a-pen

1. Who is your favourite oc?

To be honest, I flip-flop a lot on that one. Generally, it is the OC that is being tormented or experiencing the most growth in whatever character arc in the Illthdar series.

2. What themes do you struggle writing?

I struggle with fight scenes and romance. Fight scenes because it calls for a snappier text style that my over-wordy self has a hard time balancing. Romance because I crave a specific brand of romance that isn’t often depicted in fiction - the slow kind that builds very carefully over months/years. The sexual tension, the overdone tropes, associated with romance just kind of make my toes curl or make me want to throw books across the room and scream “you aren’t in love yet!” Writing my own version while still adding those snippets that readers crave - the glances, the fumbling, the derp - is hard for me.

3. What’s been the best thing about writing your wip?

The world exploration and the slow unfolding of events and discovery of life on in the world as a whole. I took to writing Illthdar from the perspective of an immigrant - someone who sees the new place they are living with eyes wide open and with none of the rose-tint that natives would have, as well as that naivete and innocent trust that the people around them mean well. This perspective lends itself greatly to the steady exposure to the evil that can be found under the surface of any world, but is especially compounded in the world of Illthdar.

4. What themes has your favourite story included?

The Illthdar series covers several themes: prejudice, platonic/romantic love, good vs. evil, power and corruption, survival, courage/heroism, and war

5. What time of day do you prefer writing?

I typically write in the evenings, after the kiddo has gone to sleep - which is typically around 8PM - and I normally call a quits at 10PM.

6. What’s your favourite relationship trope to write?

The comrade or friends relationship is my favourite to explore. I feel like I don’t see enough of those outside of the friends-to-lovers trope in fiction and I like to explore as many versions of it as I can.

7. What detail about your ocs has surprised you?

(Warning, these are relating largely to later books in the series) The detail about Date Toshiiro’s fingers was not something I originally thought was so important but later turned into something much bigger. Tundra’s past and his life’s mission also took me by surprise somewhat. Seth’s arc is something I don’t think anyone could have anticipated. Magnilla also takes some interesting turns. Vyxen, for me, is especially heartbreaking. Scyanatha’s progress wasn’t something I really saw coming. The same could be said for Nyima. Abaddon’s arc is hints upon hints upon hints of so much stuff that I think will be really awesome to see when it’s all laid out in the end. Zercey/Lerki/Inari have so far been largely predictable in the writing process, though there have been legitimate times where I’ve wondered about where they’re headed.

That’s just the main cast! There’s a ton of things I found interesting about the secondary characters in the series, but it would take forever to write it.

8. Thoughts on including romance in other genres?

I’m going to be real: the suspension bridge trope that’s seen in horror bothers me. Romance in horror - where X character feels forms a very quick and strong bond with Y character is creepy on so many levels, I don’t even know where to start.

9. Favourite writing snack?

There isn’t any one specific snack I’ll reach for when I write. Normally, I’ll have something before I’ve sat down so I’m not usually nibbling as I go. When I do have something, it’s usually something like a fried egg sandwich with some token bits of salad greens.

10. Favourite villain trope?

The villain in waiting. This person has been there this whole time, they’ve been bugging you forever to the point that you’ve convinced yourself they’re just there for the comedy relief but, surprise! They’re gonna cut you up and they are absolutely not sorry. This is the person who, in hindsight, you should have seen it coming, but was so long in waiting to make their move, the only emotion you have left to give is the desire to have gotten to them first.

11. Best scene you’ve written?

Without getting into spoilers for future books, the best scene is a toss up in Guardians of Las between the scene with Vyxen and Scy emerging from the forest during the battle or Tundra and Nyima’s conversation on the balcony.

Tagged by @bigmoodword

1. using one sentence summaries, can you tell me about your wips?

Illthdar: When everything defies logic and reason, nothing and no one is safe.

2. what inspired them?

A lot of things inspired the Illthdar series: common fantasy book/game tropes, classic literary works (J. R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll, L. Frank Baum, H.P. Lovecraft, J. M. Barrie...), my life as an immigrant, society today on a whole.

3. which of your ocs do you most identify with?

While not specifically my OC (she was originally designed by @guardians-of-las-vyxen), I can relate very strongly to the emotions she experiences in the series. When I write, I try to put a little of my own humanity into all of my characters, in terms of qualities, people who know me personally and have read the first book see that that reflected strongest in Zercey.

4. if you’ve ever cried while reading, which book cued the waterworks?

Honestly, nothing will crush a heart more than Pamela Denise Smart’s “Who's Afraid of the Teddy Bear's Picnic?: A Story of Sexual Abuse and Recovery Through Psychotherapy” Massive trigger warnings for anyone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse, however. An added plus to it was that it’s also a coming-out book as the author happens to be a Lesbian.

5. how do you conduct research for your wips and what’s the most interesting thing you’ve discovered in said research?

I have a terrible habit of doing things to characters first, then researching the potential outcomes after the fact. Were some of the OCs real, they would not like me at all. I won’t give spoilers, however. That said, I think this is a better way to write a bit of reality into a story: the outcomes are not pre-scripted, just as anyone’s life journey is never linear. Forcing the OCs to “deal with” whatever consequence without the benefit of having an desired outcome in mind, puts character and reader on the edge of their seats, I feel, because the threat is real.

6. thus far, which scene has been the most difficult to write?

Again, without spoilers for the future books, for Guardians of Las the hardest scene would have been the mock-fight between High Elder Culvers and High Elder Trenfal.

7. which of your ocs do you like the least?

Currently, as it does depend on who is feeding my sadism, where I am at in writing the series it I can’t decide if I hate Maraxis or Lord Rhett, the most. Maraxis is every bit the villain that you have to live with in life - which makes him frustrating to an extreme degree. Lord Rhett, on the other hand, is the self-righteous, might-equals-right, stereotypical kind of evil - the cliche villain that we don’t have to look at very hard to recognise.

8. which pov and tense do you prefer to write in?

I like third person limited. It allows me to explore the minds of different characters on a deeply, keep the cards to the plot close to my chest out of open sight to the readers, and help the readers connect to the world without a million I-statements.

9. do you write poetry?

In my late teens, I tried, but ultimately saw the paper fit to use only as kindling.

10. who is your writing role model?

Gosh, I don’t even know. I don’t think I have one. I think the narrative voice of each author has its pros and cons, so it’s hard to point to just one and say “I want to be like that.”

11. if you could give your younger writer self some advice, what would it be?

Revision isn’t a dirty word, nor is the suggestion of it a blemish upon your name. It’s a compliment; the one giving the critique sees in you potential to grow and improve. And that is worth everything.

Tagging: @aslanwrites, @bigmoodword, @english-undergrad, @elizabethsyson, @garrettauthor, @haileyavril, @igotablankpage, @imaghostwriter, @jessawriter, @kobalt-ink, @mvcreates

My questions for you:

What was the very first story you ever wrote?

What does your ideal writing space look like?

How long do you give yourself to research for your WIP?

What do you think is your greatest weakness as a writer?

What do you think is your greatest strength?

Name one of your bad habits as a writer.

Where do you find inspiration for your OCs?

What OC would like you the most?

What OC would like you the least?

Name something you do that you think no other writer does.

Have you ever done NaNoWriMo?

#11/11/11 #11/11/11 tag #11/11/11 meme #writing community #Illthdar #guardians of las #tagged #confessions of a writer #illthdar confessions

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 6 years

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cw pet death but this is mostly behind a cut because I’m rambling again trying to process some things and figure out some other things, and it got long

the thing that's getting me the most about grieving Scully--and again, I know I'm not breaking any new ground here, and I know I’ve been very lucky compared to people who have already lost pets or even friends or family members, but it's new and unpleasant for me--is how damn inconsistent it is, sometimes on an hourly basis. like, I'll be kind of okay, mostly thinking about good memories, focusing on the good life I gave him, remembering the love more than the pain, thinking about getting another dog so I can spread that love to another fur baby who needs it. and then sometimes there's nothing okay about it at all, and I want to cry again, and all I can think about is that it wasn't fair, we were managing his kidney disease well and he could have stayed happy and healthy for a lot longer if this stupid random other thing hadn't come up (but at the same time, it's kind of good that it was something sudden and definitive, instead of a long, slow decline where we'd keep having to ask ourselves whether he still had a good quality of life or if we were just being selfish), and I miss him and I want him back so much and it's just wrong that this little guy who was such a big part of my life doesn't exist in the world anymore, and sometimes it feels like if I just do the right thing or make the right bargain the universe will give him back to me, and I don’t know how to reconcile myself to the reality that that isn’t possible.

and part of what's so frustrating about that, just aside from the fact that it hurts, is that it also makes it really hard to know how best to move forward. specifically: should I get another dog, and if so, when? I mean, I do want one, because dogs are so good, and I love them, and I want to give another dog a good home, and I've already been looking online at adoptable dogs and falling a little bit in love with some of them--but at the same time can I really deal with doing this again? it would be so much easier and less painful to just not give my heart to another dog child that I'll inevitably lose. do the positive effects on my mental health outweigh the negatives, especially at the end of a dog's life but during it as well? there's an aspect of relief to everything being over with Scully, because his health was slowly declining for at least the past couple years, more so in the last several months, and I was always worrying about him on some level--and even when he was healthy, there was always that awful awareness at the back of my mind when I'd hold him or look at him, going "you're going to lose this someday". but then, if I could go back and make a different choice about adopting Scully to save myself the pain of losing him, I'd never do it. I can't always say the pain was worth it, at least not yet, but I still wouldn't give up the years I had with him for anything. so don't I want that with another dog? it seems...masochistic and ridiculous, making a deliberate choice that I KNOW will eventually lead to a lot of pain. but that's...inevitable with everything, right? everything ends. that's pretty much the one constant. the only way you can protect yourself from the pain of losing things is to refuse to care about anything and then, well, what's the point of life in the first place?

on a more practical level, it is sort of nice that I don't have to structure my schedule around a doggo's need to be walked, for the first time in almost 10 years; mostly it means my weekends and evenings are a little freer, and also I don't have to go out and get wet and/or cold when the weather's not ideal. but I mean...I would happily give back that convenience if it meant having Scully alive and healthy again, so...it's really not a major consideration. although it might be an argument for waiting until winter's over. except that means like...AT LEAST six more dogless months.

which of course is another important question! if most parts of my brain are agreed that yes, getting another dog is worth it even for the parts that will hurt, what's the right timing? is there, in fact, a way to know in advance what the right timing is? like...maybe it would be better if I waited, because maybe then I would be able to get all of this straightened out for myself, and even my subconscious would accept that Scully’s really gone, and I could heal and focus on the good stuff and welcome a new doggo for all the right reasons, instead of only sometimes feeling like the joy is worth the pain. buuuuut if I put it off, will I just keep doing that because it's easier? how will I know, anyway, when or whether I've healed enough? there's a pretty strong argument to be made that finding a new dog would actually be the best way to heal, because then the new furry friend would be a positive presence demanding my attention, instead of the Scully-shaped absence almost constantly making itself felt currently. (I'm making it sound like I don't have a cat either and I feel a little bad about that because I do love him too, but...it's really not the same. he's a great cat! and for various reasons he's just not going to fill the Scully-shaped absence. he doesn't like being held, for one thing, and...y'all, I need a furry little friend to cuddle.) this is actually backed up by personal experience because when my previous cat died, it was nowhere near as bad as this but I was still pretty upset, and what helped most was a week or so later when the universe dropped another cat into our laps. we didn't even have plans of getting a new cat at that point--it just sort of happened.

BUT given that in this case I'm seeking out new dogs, it's an active choice rather than a reaction to a new kiddo wandering into my life (unless I took my sister's dog, which...wouldn't work out that well because he's bigger than Scully and even worse about being underfoot, and our place is already crowded), so is it the right choice to be making? am I more likely to make a wrong choice because I'm kind of in a hurry? (but also there's no guarantee that I'll find The Perfect Dog if I wait, it's hardly even possible to find The Perfect Car and this is pretty different. but still. I didn't even choose Scully in the first place--my sister did that--so I actually have no experience choosing a dog, and y'all know I have a real problem with decision paralysis at the best of times. when it's an important long-term commitment...well.) is it fair to the potential new dog, when I know it would be a rebound to one extent or another? I mean that's kind of a silly question because I would be making the same commitment no matter what, and a dog who doesn't have a home of their own will almost definitely care more about getting a home than about whether it takes a little while for them to transition from "rebound dog" to "second love of my life" or whatever. but--is it fair, still? especially if, I don't know, I find a new dog who needs a little extra love and patience and maybe I don't have that in me yet? would I just end up trying to find Scully 2.0, inevitably failing, and then unfavorably comparing New Dog to him, instead of being able to welcome New Dog as an individual little fur person in their own right? (there is also personal precedent for this, in the other direction! I loved my previous cat, I really did, but when we got our current cat, I mostly just found myself noticing how many things about him I liked better because he was so much friendlier!) is it disrespectful to Scully's memory to get a new dog soon? that's also kind of a silly question but...is it? or at least, will it feel that way to me and make me feel too guilty to bond properly with New Dog?

and then I was also thinking, would it be better in some respects to deliberately go for a senior dog because in some ways it would be less of a long-term commitment, and I'd be able to provide a good home for a dog who otherwise might have trouble getting adopted while maybe not getting quite so deeply attached because they wouldn't be with me as long (and if they were old enough, they'd probably spend most of their time sleeping anyway) and then maybe it wouldn't hurt as much at the end? or would that be even worse, because I'd probably fall in love anyway? for that matter, should I focus on giving a home to a dog who's been without one for a long time, which would probably mean one of several funny-looking Chihuahua mixes that I wouldn't necessarily find cute even if I'm sure I could find one whose personality I love? or is it okay to hold out for what I actually want on a superficial level, which generally just means "cute face, soft fur, not quite as small or short-haired as your typical Chihuahua mix"? similarly, should I focus on shelter dogs who currently have sadder lives and greater need for a home, or is it okay to look mostly at rescue groups that generally have dogs in foster homes and are more likely to have the kind of dog I'm looking for? (this might not even be relevant because I don't think the local shelter actually has any small dogs available for adoption right now, but. still.)

obviously the other relevant question is "am I overthinking everything" and the answer is "almost definitely yes, because that's how the Kyra do"...and unfortunately it's all stuff I have to work out for myself, one way or another, because nobody else can really figure it out for me. but I guess if anyone who’s been through this has advice on how to untangle the mess, that probably couldn’t hurt. >_<

#pet death cw

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kushtrimthaqi · 6 years

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Hunter S. Thompson to Hume Logan

April 22, 1958 57 Perry Street New York City Dear Hume, You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal—to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself. I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind. "To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles... " (Shakespeare) And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you've ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don't see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect—between the two things I've mentioned: the floating or the swimming. But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he's not after the "big rock candy mountain," the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance? The answer—and, in a sense, the tragedy of life—is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It's not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective. So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis? The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on "the meaning of man" and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term "god only knows" purely as an expression.) There's very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I'm the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs. I'm going to steer clear of the word "existentialism," but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre. These are merely suggestions. If you're genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you're doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES. But don't misunderstand me. I don't mean that we can't BE firemen, bankers, or doctors—but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires—including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter. As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal) he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires). In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life—the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual. Let's assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let's assume that you can't see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN—and here is the essence of all I've said—you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH. Naturally, it isn't as easy as it sounds. You've lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn't any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance. So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, "I don't know where to look; I don't know what to look for." And there's the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don't know—is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice. If I don't call this to a halt, I'm going to find myself writing a book. I hope it's not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it's pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo—this merely happens to be mine. If any part of it doesn't seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I'm not trying to send you out "on the road" in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that—no one HAS to do something he doesn't want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that's what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You'll have lots of company. And that's it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain, your friend ...Hunter

#hunter s thompson #letters

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difficultplaces · 3 years

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QUESTIONS FOR FAWKES

The Yowler Skulker and earth lover talks trash, togetherness, and remaining open to future injury

I’m ready to interview you. Marvelous.

Did you know you’re in a band? I didn’t. But it doesn’t surprise me, frankly.

It’s called SIDP. Oh my God! I love it, that’s so good.

What other bands are you in? I was in a band. I still am. Called “Jonathan” because my college roommate and I were like we should have a band and he said what’s a good name and I said Jonathan’s a good name so we named the band Jonathan.

What is your role in Sheep? I wouldn’t dignify what I do by calling it singing because I feel like thats an insult to singers everywhere. What I do is produce mouth sounds. A sort of yowl, like an indigent cat.

Who are your musical influences? Honestly, it’s whoever I’ve been listening to recently—I wanna write a song like that.

Do you have any advice for up and coming bands? If you’re producing something that is that intimate it needs to be authentic. It needs to come from the heart, it needs to be something that you very desperately want to share with the world. And after you’ve played a song several hundred times for other people maybe that changes how you feel about it but at the very least in the beginning you need to have that, you need to feel like its clawing its way out of you that if you don’t make this music then you’ll just explode.

Who do you influence? I like to think I have a really profound influence on my garbage collector because they see the various instruments in various states of repair and destruction and they have to think something really terrible is happening here but the reality is that I am bad at buying used instruments on the internet.

Where were you born? Somewhere further south of here.

If that place could speak, what would it say? “THERE’S TOO MANY PEOPLE. OH, GOD, WHY. NO. SOME OF YOU NEED TO LEAVE. THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. STOP PUTTING THINGS IN THE GROUND.”

What makes you angry? The universal idea of man’s inhumanity to man. The futility of so many political or ethical discussions that just end with me shouting “I can’t make you care about other people. Why do you not care about other people?” Another thing that makes me very upset—and this may be surprising because of my previous answer—is hopelessness. I think that there is always far more hope than is readily apparent or, rather, than people want to see because hope is an invitation for future injury. At least, that’s how a lot of people see it. I think that hope is also a responsibility because it spurs action and it is genuinely and deeply felt. Everyone does this to some extent, people would choose to not hope for a better world because if they did they would have to acknowledge that maybe they would not be able to continue doing things as they are doing them. So hopelessness is very frustrating to me.

What makes you happy? Walking through Oakland when it’s sunny. And people who are out doing yard work or talking in front of a convenience store or children are being loud and irritating. It’s funny, I—for a long time—whenever I heard kids running around screaming I would get agitated because yeah it’s grating but I’ve tried to like it through cognitive training and also adding in the response of thinking “Ah, the children are playing and that means things are okay right now.” I think I am happiest in the moments where I am able to be very present and look around and think about just how pleasant it is to be where I am doing what I’m doing and just be grateful and happy that I am in this moment in this place in the universe.

What’s yer day job? I spend a lot of time typing at a computer and even more time reading things at a computer and in the course of reading and typing things I try to make the world just a little safer. The specifics of it are wonky and unnecessary.

What do you do at night? Usually I waste time in front of a computer but tonight I am out walking through Rockridge and up into the hills. It’s something I started doing late last year—going for walks or running at night there’s something very soothing and peaceful about the city sleeping and the suburbs sleeping.

What would you say your responsibilities are? All of the things you experience that are not joy prepare you to take pleasure in what comes next. You need to take pleasure in what you do because even the things you experience that are not strictly pleasurable are preparing you to experience pleasure. They’re giving contrast for pleasure to have meaning. If you live at a certain altitude, that’s just where the ground is. You don’t have to think about the fact that other people live at different altitudes. It just doesn’t mean anything to you. But if you go up or down you notice it. It’s the same thing with emotions. We are programmed such that we only understand things through contrast. It’s only the differences that have any meaning. That’s how we read the world. Through what is and what isn’t.

What’s the last thing you fixed? I was cleaning the kitchen and we have a glass vase that holds cooking utensils and I was washing it in the sink and I dropped it and it cracked. It didn’t break. And I applied a bunch of tape around it. Around the inside and the outside so if it broke it wouldn’t go anywhere. So it’s not exactly a fix. It’s a kind of a fix. It’s safer to use now.

What’s the last thing you broke? We don’t fix all the things that we break do we? We never do. I don’t think we do. Let’s just go with the glass vase because it will take me too long to think of something else but if anything jumps out I’ll howl. [Can you bahh instead to be on theme?] Well, a howl could work too. It could be a wolf in sheep clothing. “How did I get to this difficult place? I’ll never tell. Come closer, farmhand. Rescue me from this place.”

Know any secrets about walking at night that you are willing to share? Yes. [silence]. That was my answer.

What have you learned about life while walking at night? It’s very easy to convince yourself to be afraid of things. But it’s very hard to convince yourself not to be afraid of things. I guess one of the things I enjoy about walking at night is that it presents many opportunities to test myself in that way. Forcing me to continue on even though I may be afraid. Because there’s a quote maybe from a Disney movie, “How can you be brave when you’re scared? Well, that’s the only time you can be brave.” It’s true, bravery is only something that occurs in opposition to fear. I also learned that one of the things that makes me happy and fills me with joy that warms me and makes me feel connected to humanity is walking by houses and seeing all of the lights on inside and seeing people sitting together watching tv or around tables eating or playing cards or talking. Little snapshot vignettes into people’s lives. There’s something very powerful about the notion of home and hearth. Of family. Of togetherness. Of making these structures to protect us from the elements and curling up together and just being happy little organisms that can love each other and experience the joy of kinship. It can be hard during the day—the day is the time for working. But night we think of as a time for resting. And it’s also nice to remember everyone has a scene like that. I see all of these people and they’re just little automatons to me because I don’t know them but we are all that to each other. I feel a sense of empathy: any of these people could walk by my house and see me doing the same things. There’s this shared humanity in that.

What have you forgotten? I usually know where I am. I tend to forget what time it is. I tend to do that everywhere but especially when I’m walking around at night.

If you wrote a children’s book, what would it be called? Probably something like “Everywhere Is The Environment” because I get so angry when people say “I don’t care about the environment.” I was on a date and someone said that—so where the fuck do you live? The vacuum of space? That is the place we are in. This is all environment.

If you could say one last thing to an enemy without fear of retribution, what would you say? All of my enemies are in a gym, a cafeteria thing, all the bleachers are pulled out. I’m standing on a platform we brought in which I am now regretting because it’s not a stage, it actually only enhances the fact that I’m well below them and their risers. So, I have a little microphone and, uh, soundcheck is difficult because it never goes the way you think it will and because it’s the 70s, no one thought I would be standing here. Infrastructure, what the fuck. I glare at Mitch McConnell, I wish evil things. “I’ll never tell where the antidote is—“ No, I’m kidding. The real answer, the main answer, is for all my delaying, I honestly don’t think I’d have anything to say to them because anything I could say would make me feel good in the moment and very small later. I couldn’t bring myself to say “I forgive you” or “We’re good.” I would probably look at at the sea of scowling faces and just kind of “Eh,” and wave my hand dismissively. I’ve got nothing here.

INTERVIEW CONDUCTED, CONDENSED, AND EDITED BY BLEATR

#sheep in difficult places #band interviews

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girlofthe21st-blog · 4 years

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Conquering The Most Villainous Opponent

It was a warm summer day on July 2010 when my dad and I arrived at LAX. I can’t quite describe the feeling. You may say I am ecstatic at the fact that I get to see the other side of the world, but I guess it is more than that. Going to a place like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you will never know if this kind of once in a lifetime privilege will cross my path or our path, rather, again. For me at that moment, there are no words that can express how much I yearn to see other places other than my home country, the Philippines, and of course, my second home for the past 10 years or so, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. It literally feels like I’m living inside a beautiful nightmare.

But, of course, being a tourist in this foreign place is the least of my purpose. The purpose of my travel is not merely about pleasure. Instead, I came there as an athlete. Yes, I saw myself as an athlete; young spirited athlete of my craft—singing. I got a one in a million chance of participating in the competition that goes by the name, World Championships of Performing Arts (WCOPA). I never imagined myself being able to join any international competition, considering that the competition that I got myself into is can be compared to the world renowned Olympic Games. However, I am convinced that this is God’s plan for me, and that there is a big chance that this one time event in this specific place and time in my timeline would forever leave a mark, not only in my heart, but also a significant puzzle piece in the makings of this wonderful masterpiece—that is me.

At the day of the competition, I was a little uptight. My palms got sweaty, tirelessly imagining my routine inside my head. Different emotions came crushing down on me and I just can’t contain them inside me. There were also times I was asking myself: Why am I even here?, Am I even qualified to be here?, etc. Good thing that my number one supporter was with me at that time, my dad, who happens to have his own fair share of experiences when it comes to joining singing contests. He constantly reminded me that I should remain calm and be confident. My dad really believes in me so much that for a moment I was almost convinced that I am going to win at least a medal or two. He reminded me to own the things that I did during my training. But of course, the most important advice that he gave me that somehow worked its magic in me was to just own the stage. Own it. Make that moment mine. However, with all these encouraging and heartwarming words being shoved down my nervous throat, his comforting words, at that time, was no match with the enormous pressure that I was feeling at that moment. Until, the only thing that I could do is just pray.

Finally, the moment of truth comes. There I was…patiently sitting and waiting for my turn. The anxiety that was just a speck earlier suddenly grew and grew. My palms got sweaty and then comes the racing horses inside my heart began to evade my system. I have never felt this feeling before. At long last, after long minutes of waiting, I heard my name being called by the man standing at the stage. All I could ever do at that time is to just close my eyes and pray silently. The steps that I took approaching the stage, were I guess, the longest steps I had ever taken in my whole life (at least at that moment). As soon as I stepped my foot on the stage, I knew, there was no turning back. And the only choice I have to do is to just do my own thing.

The fallowing day, my dad woke up early to check if my name made it on the list, while I opted to stay inside and prayed silently. Again, I waited. I suddenly realised that this whole journey was comprised of endless waiting. And then as if on cue, I heard someone opened the door. I remembered, I immediately sprang out of bed, and waited, again, for my dad to approach me while he was closing the door slowly. And I knew, just by his actions that I didn’t make it. But still I needed confirmation for my speculation. Then he turned around, smiled, and then he said “Let’s pray”. At first the news didn’t sink in quite easily but when my dad begins to pray my speculation became so real. No words. And then it dawned on me that this the first time that I lost in a competition.

Honestly, I don’t know what to feel. Before, I always admire the people who lost but were able to face it with head held high. I remember admiring them because I think they are so courageous to face defeat and be able to withstand it. For me those people are like heroes on a pedestal. Just seeing them being able to stand up after their defeat made me asked myself, “What does it feel like to lose?” And now here it is. God handed to me in an exquisite gift box adorned with gold ribbon on top, making it the perfect gift ever, and I was deeply humbled by this gift more than ever.

However, more than the defeat, I was surprised at myself. I was surprised because it’s as if I unlocked another level in my life. Yes, sadness and defeat, will give you a melancholic feel, but that was not the case for me. I was more elated at the fact that just like the heroes that I admired before I was able to keep my head held high and focused my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel. Did I cry? As a matter of fact, I didn’t cry at that exact moment. Instead I just smiled like my dad. I smiled my way thinking that instead of golden medals, I brought a more valuable treasure that can’t be replaced by any other material things. Of course, I also had my own episode wherein I did cry, with a help from a friend, since I am still a human being who is fragile. I remember that my friend and I went to the girl’s bathroom, entered a cubicle, and there I just poured out everything; the sadness, the frustration, everything. And at that moment, I knew that God spoke to me through her. She just said the most comforting words at that time. She said that God sometimes do this on purpose in order for us to be stronger. We may not understand now but it will serve a bigger purpose in the future. So at that moment I took the mantle and faced my defeat with a courageous heart, because I know that God wants me to take the next level in order to grow beautifully.

All in all, I wouldn’t trade that experience at all, and if I ever get the chance to do it over again, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Looking back now, I am deeply thankful that I did not won. Loosing at that point in time was a much better call because that is what I needed. It’s as if God made a special appointment with me. Maybe, He missed me so much. Losing made me enjoy God’s presence more. Being still is the key for I found solace in my valley. Losing helped me understood the things that I can’t fully much comprehend before. The outcome? Now, I am not afraid. That competition really helped in honing the woman that I am today. That moment made me a valiant warrior against the most villainous opponent—which is I. I got to conquer that vulnerable part of mine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#conquer #defeat #competition

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beccarobs · 7 years

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My Favorite Advice (From HST)

This is one of my favorite pieces of writing and has been from the moment I read it. Recognizing that our goals must grow with our constantly evolving sense of self and comprehension of the world, it is clear that passion is the only true motivation. I always had the intention to live my life through my passions, but was timid to both recognize and expose what I really loved. From the second I identified my passion for writing and comedy, I began exploring ways I can create a life around this idea of success that is happy, healthy and flexible.

Enjoy this incredible response letter from Hunter S. Thompson to his friend Logan Hume.

April 22, 1958

57 Perry Street

New York City

Dear Hume,

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.

I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you’ve ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don’t see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I’ve mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he’s not after the “big rock candy mountain,” the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?

The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It’s not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.

So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?

The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on “the meaning of man” and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term “god only knows” purely as an expression.) There’s very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I’m the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.

I’m going to steer clear of the word “existentialism,” but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called “Being and Nothingness” by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called “Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre.” These are merely suggestions. If you’re genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you’re doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.

But don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean that we can’t BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.

As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).

In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.

Let’s assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let’s assume that you can’t see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I’ve said — you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.

Naturally, it isn’t as easy as it sounds. You’ve lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn’t any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, “I don’t know where to look; I don’t know what to look for.”3

And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don’t know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.

If I don’t call this to a halt, I’m going to find myself writing a book. I hope it’s not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it’s pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.

If any part of it doesn’t seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I’m not trying to send you out “on the road” in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You’ll have lots of company.

And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

Your friend,

Hunter ”

*This letter can be found in the book "Letters of Note" compiled by Shaun Usher.*

#hunter s Thompson #goals #wisdom #letters #friends #life #think about it #always thinking about this #one of my favorites #letters of note #advice #adapt

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jasonwentcrazy · 7 years

Text

Advice from a Young Hunter

April 22, 1958 7 Perry Street New York City

Dear Hume,

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal -- to point with a trembling finger to the RIGHT direction -- is something only a fool will take upon himself.

I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice it will be to much like the blind leading the blind.

"To be or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles…" -Shakespeare

And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make -- consciously or unconsciously -- at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you've made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don't see how it could have been anything but a choice -- however indirect -- between the two things I've mentioned: the floating or the swimming.

But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainity. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he's not after "the big rock candy mountain," the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?

The answer -- and, in a sense, the tragedy of life -- is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel resonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. it's not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.

The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on "the meaning of man" and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term "god only knows" purely as an expression.) There's very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I'm the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.

I'm going to steer clear of the word "existentialism" but you might keep in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called Being and Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre, and another little thing called Existentialism: from Dostoyevsky to Sartre. These are merely suggestions. If you are genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you're doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.)

But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.

But don't misunderstand me. I don't mean that we can't BE firemen, bankers, or doctors -- but but we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires -- including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.

As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: A man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at a maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform his own abilities and desires).

In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life -- the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.

Let's assume that you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let's assume that you can't see any real-purpose in any of the eight. THEN -- and here is the essence of all I've said -- you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.

Naturally, it isn't as easy as it sounds. You've lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than horizontal existence. So it isn't any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinate in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.

But you say, "I don't know where to look; I don't know what to look for." And there’s the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don't know -- is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.

If I don't call this to a halt, I'm going to find myself writing a book. I hope it's not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it's pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo -- this merely happen to be mine.

If any part of it doesn't seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I'm not trying to send you out "on the road" in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that -- no one HAS to do something he doesn't want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that's what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You'll have lots of company.

And that's it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

your friend...

Hunter

#hunter s thompson #open letter

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violetsystems · 5 years

Text

#personal

If you haven’t really noticed already I’m a creature of habit and schedule. Which is probably why I’m back here writing this morning. Mostly because I feel like I have some constructive things to talk and open up about. Emotions aside they can be too easily manipulated sometimes. Everything I put out there gets manipulated in some way or another. It’s whether or not you feel you are respected or not. And lashing out at one thing can suffocate the atmosphere in other realms. That’s a long difficult talk that I’ve had over and over again on here for years. How I have to keep an open channel but it gets jammed frequently. It’s been a lot more quiet lately. There have been some changes in my life in the last couple of weeks on vacation. More money for one but less at the same time. I live inside of a monthly spreadsheet for personal finances so none of it really matters. I have goals. I spend a lot less but I budget everything out I need. I think with the stability I’ve carved out for myself I worry less about the future in that regard. I have a job. It sucks sometimes. This city can be a beast but it’s far less confrontational than New York. My dad often says that the same problems you find in a job you will find anywhere. He also kind of gave me the advice to stay the course and keep doing what I am doing. I’m already prepared for the bullshit here. I already know where I want to be. Neither of my parents know specifically what my plans or dreams are. They know I travel to New York now instead of overseas. But the specifics are frustratingly hazy. They never pry too deeply. Which is why i love them both. I took my mom out for lunch yesterday in Chinatown. She took the train and I met her at the stop. We ate roujiamo at the usual spot. I told her if I ever travelled alone again internationally it would be to China. She replied that I could also visit Hong Kong and say hello to my cousin. I told her I’d rather stay away from the drama even though it’s still China all the same. I would probably hit up Shanghai and Macau. The only two places I’ve been in China alone for any period of time. I spent a day in Macau once. I ate Indian food at this restaurant alone just before hopping the ferry back to Hong Kong. The owner sent the server over to invite me to join her and her son at the table. It’s a moment of kindness that sticks with me to this day. I was in a tank top covered with tattoos. Knowing where you are valued for just being you and knowing where you fit in is a sanctuary in and of itself. Lately I feel like I finally do have a reason to stay in Chicago. Even if it’s just to paint the walls of my apartment which hasn’t been touched for over a decade. Kind of like my personal life.

For the record I’ve spent my time alone getting my shit together. Chicago is cheaper in the long run. You wouldn’t know it from the taxes. I was in line at the dispensary and this guy behind me was remarking how shitty the experience was for him. I couldn’t tell if he was an op or an undercover. That’s why I always stay measured and positive in my responses to people i don’t know in public. I said Chicago as a city made 3.2 million in sales the first day. Colorado as a state in 2014 made 1 million in taxable revenue. There aren’t very many places to purchase right now. So if you believe in taxation with representation I think the future looks bright. The medical dispensary does not sell flower right now to reserve for its medical patients. I believe that’s fair. I also believe it’s not a good idea to abuse the medical system when recreational is getting its feet on the ground. I also know big Marijuana exists and lives in a mansion outside of the city. Illinois has been fairly good about being mindful of the social justice aspect of the transition. But things are still a bit messy and deceptively capitalist. I bought a small jar of candies to try. You could only buy one. It doesn’t really change much in my situation. It does give me options. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act responsibly. The ambiguity is still there. It’s in running distance. It’s in a weird industrial medical district about a mile from my house. I run past the FBI building to get there. I flicked the sign off yesterday without a second thought. They should already know where I live by now. I’ve been on the same schedule for years. And frankly I’m through taking shit from anyone from here on forward. I’m sure there’s no hard feelings. Just hard candy. Life in Chicago for me has been harder than normal. I stop complaining and started living it. I don’t go out and yet everyone knows who I am. I should rephrase it that I don’t go out to clubs. I don’t drink anymore. New Year’s was pretty quiet. Most of my friends spent them with their significant others. I spent New Year’s day throwing out trash. People keep saying my space feels larger than it did. I bought another larger litter box for my cat. She hops out of it now like a princess. If someone were to show up at my door without notice it wouldn’t be a big deal. If the love of my life simply teleported into my living room I’d be ready for them. But really finding stability in a chaotic world is hard for anyone. There’s people that find stability boring and they probably don’t read anything of what I write. I walk outside of this apartment and it’s a little like Pulp Fiction on overload sometimes. I’m a little less overwhelmed by all of it but it is exhausting. Which is why I spend more time on my home and making it more livable. It feels a lot more like New York these days. Which I’ll be back to near my birthday. I haven’t celebrated it really for years. I got a call from an alderman wishing me well in New York last year during fashion week. Truth be told I hardly ever leave our political ward. Just like I don’t spend my time where it’s not appreciated.

A ward is a local authority area, typically used for electoral purposes. You can probably apply the same thinking to brand loyalty. But being more mindful of how and where you spend your time and money can yield interesting results. I do think people worry less about me these days. The idea of being too risky can make a lot of people uneasy. It can also attracts some real shit shows. Just like our president tried to push brand America, there’s something to be said of brands New York and Chicago. I might even stretch it to include Los Angeles and Oakland. But the truth is Chicago has become far more diverse than I had ever expected it to become. For all the talk of murder and guns, our homicide rate is down for the third year in a row. I live in Pilsen which is a predominantly hispanic neighborhood. Chinatown is right next to us. So is the medical district. I walk all over the place on foot. I never really feels unsafe. Sometimes I feel bothered. On my block people mind their own business. But you have to be approachable. And you have to adapt. Then there’s the trick of knowing when to walk away. If it sounds maddening and frustrating it is. But I don’t really show it. People keep talking about finesse and how somehow I need more of it. And then people keep stealing my style and ideas and pretending I don’t exist. Everyone except a small pocket of resistance that likes to wear pink gear around me. It’s like I operate in my own little area of authority. I always call it an aura of accountability. I’ve made some sacrifices in my life to be a good person and get passed over. But these days I feel like people understand the logic of why. That being said people are still intimidated by me. I wonder sometimes if that’s my own fault. I do have a lot of bullshit to navigate. People never seem to leave me alone. Often I imagine I’m just some character in a movie when I leave the house. Not like the lead role. I blend into the background. I have my role and my lines. I don’t veer too much away from the NPC dialog tree. I stick to the main quest line and grind my reputation with hidden factions. I also play a lot of World of Warcraft on the side. I can’t say that life totally sucks although I really wish I could share it with someone. I kind of already do. Why would I still be writing if I didn’t? I don’t know what any of it means. I’m completely in the dark about everything. Everything except my finances and mental peace. Staying in between the lines and not crossing them is tricky. Especially when people step on your toes every chance you get. I spent a lot of time making a space for myself where the only toes getting stepped on are my own. Mostly by my cat. She adds a lot to the space. I feel less angsty and a little less bored. Today I felt inspired enough to write about it. Probably won’t check in for a couple of weeks. Just going to lock myself up in this ward and play it safe. There’s enough politics here to keep me busy without worrying about the rest of the world’s sovereignty and secret wars. <3 Tim

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at-kkoolook · 7 years

Text

April 22, 1958 57 Perry Street New York City

Dear Hume,

“To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … ” (Shakespeare)

And that’s it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,

Your friend, Hunter

#Hunter Stockton Thompson #hunter thompson #Inspirational Stories

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ebenpink · 5 years

Photo

Fitness and health pros: How Precision Nutrition coaches (and how you can coach this way too). http://bit.ly/2vhnozi

Here’s an inside look at how Precision Nutrition coaches clients, including our client-centric philosophy, habit-based methodology, and full client curriculum. I’ll even pull back the curtain on ProCoach, the program that’s allowing health and fitness pros around the world to coach the way we do.

++++

Today’s article is really exciting because I’m going to pull back the curtain and show you exactly (with, in some cases, screenshot-by-screenshot detail) how Precision Nutrition coaches clients.

I’ll also reveal how we mix world-class curriculum, elite-level coaching skills, and cutting-edge technology to get unprecedented client + business results.

Finally, I’ll share strategies that you can use immediately, in your own practice, to maximize client numbers and income while still maintaining control of your schedule and helping people get the best results.

Before digging in, however, I wanted to let you know that our industry-leading coaching platform — Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach — is opening soon.

Tested with over 100,000 clients, ProCoach makes it easy to deliver research-proven nutrition and lifestyle coaching to anyone who needs it… from paying clients, to family members, to co-workers, to loved ones.

It’ll help you grow your business while working less, getting better results, and living life on your own terms.

Want to coach in-person? Online? Or a combination of the two? Whatever fits your ideal lifestyle, it’s all possible with ProCoach.

To understand ProCoach you first need to understand why it was created, and the key problems it helps health and fitness professionals overcome.

JB shares his early coaching struggles and how PN went from 20 to over 100,000 clients with ProCoach.

Want to know exactly how ProCoach works? Then check this out.

See how other health and fitness pros are using ProCoach with their clients.

Want to learn even more? Join the Presale List Today

In summary, ProCoach delivers — to your clients, on your behalf — a total coaching solution, complete with daily lessons, habits, check-ins, and more.

Plus, as their coach, you’ll support them by answering questions, offering encouragement, and tracking progress through special ProCoach software.

The good news? On Wednesday, June 5th, we’ll be opening ProCoach to our Precision Nutrition Certification students and graduates around the world.

When you enroll, you’ll be able to use this ground-breaking software and curriculum in your business — with your clients — and easily, quickly, effectively deliver the habit-based coaching you learned in the PN Certification.

You see, everyone knows that habit-based coaching is more effective and has longer-lasting effects than typical diets or meal tracking. But not everyone knows how to do it effectively. We do, and today…

I’d like to show you how we coach. And how YOU can coach this way too.

In today’s article we’ll discuss how you can:

Dramatically increase how many clients you can coach.

Assess nutrition-coaching clients efficiently.

Build a habit-based curriculum for each client.

Deliver new habits, lessons, and assignments.

Monitor consistency and adherence.

Track physical, mental, and behavior changes.

Provide accountability, mentorship, and support.

Set clients up for long-term, sustainable success.

So let’s get started.

(By the way: This is a long post with a lot of detail. So please set aside some distraction-free time before digging in. Maybe even read it in two or three parts. You’ll be happy you did.)

Client-centered coaching: Shush your “inner expert”.

The history of fitness and health is littered with hard-ass authoritarian coaches.

Taking a page out of the military, these coaches deliver a series of no-pain, no-gain boot-camps where clients are given tough love and are taught to pay for their laziness and dietary transgressions with push-ups, cardio, and burpees.

This style of coaching features the coach as: Expert, Drill Sergeant, and Dictator. In this model it’s their job to tell clients what to do.

Sure, some coaches are at least polite about it. But, no matter how nicely they command, this approach remains coach-centered. It’s all about the coach and what they know. And it’s the opposite of client-centered.

Of course, as a great fitness / health coach, you probably are an expert. You have well-informed ideas and opinions on nutrition, movement, stress, and sleep. But…

There’s one thing you’re not an expert on: Your clients’ lives.

Each client is actually the expert on their own bodies and their own lives. They live in their bodies and experiences 24/7. You don’t.

That’s a critical distinction. Because…

Your clients have their own abilities and reasons for change.

They have their own limits, beliefs, preferences, backstories, and motivations. Some of these will be so far outside your personal experience that you couldn’t possibly have “standard” advice for them.

But that’s okay. As a change-based, client-centered coach, all you have to do is slow down and…

Quiet your own “expert” voice.

Ask questions. Listen deeply to your clients’ stories. And build your coaching approach around what you hear.

In doing so, you’ll actually uncover your clients’ unique abilities, reasons, and motivations (which will often be very different from yours). These will become your secret weapons.

Now you can help clients identify their own individual limiting factors. And then — more excitingly…

You’ll be able to help them propose their own solutions to their own problems.

We believe what we hear ourselves say.

So if you help clients produce and describe their own solutions, they’ll feel empowered, and embrace the solutions without you having to nag or boss them around.

This is a foolproof recipe for sustainable, long-term change.

Of course, this isn’t about coddling or being too nice or acquiescing to client demands.

Rather, client-centered coaching is about collaborating with clients and creating action plans based on what they feel they can do, not what you think they should be doing.

Let’s explore this methodology a little more.

Clients change by doing and experiencing.

These days, there’s a lot of emphasis on setting goals (e.g. lose 20 pounds) and then following a program (e.g. a diet plan or workout DVD set) to achieve those goals.

How’s that working?

On the goals side of the equation, we’re taught to think about what we want to accomplish. Then we’re supposed to make the goal specific, measurable, attainable, etc.

What happens once we’ve done all that? When we’ve set the ultimate goal?

For most people, not much.

That’s because goals aren’t achieved through the mere act of setting them. And goals aren’t achieved through sheer force of will.

On the program side of the equation, we’re taught to seek out a “Do this, don’t do that” program, summon up our motivation, and then turn our lives into “achieve that goal at all costs” projects.

We’re to become single-minded, unthinking, obedient little goal-chasing machines.

As you’ve probably seen…

This goal-focused approach fails most of the time.

Particularly when competing priorities come up and we haven’t built the necessary skills to be flexible and adaptable.

Then, since we haven’t “met our goal”, we feel bad. We think we’ve failed. We get frustrated and ashamed.

We might even give up. Or put that goal on the back burner till next January 1st, when we vow to take a crack at it again.

Based on my experience, success actually follows a different process.

First, you break down the things you want to do into specific skills.

Next, you develop those skills through intentional daily actions.

The formula pretty much looks like this:

Practice daily to build skills. Build skills to achieve goals.

Some people call this approach habit-based, others call it practice-based. They’re one and the same, and are based on current research around skill acquisition and change psychology.

Growth and development come through daily habits and supporting experiences.

Here’s an example of how this works:

Goal: Eat better consistently

Let’s say you want to lose weight. You know that to lose weight you’ll need to eat better consistently. So that’s your real goal: Eat better consistently.

But you don’t have all the skills to do it just yet. So you have to break it down into…

Skill: Hunger and appetite awareness

Which skills are required to eat better consistently? We’ve identified hunger / appetite awareness as the most important initial skill for making progress.

But that’s not quite a concrete thing you can do. So you have to break it down into…

Practices: Eat slowly, and stop eating when satisfied

We use two daily habits to build the skill of hunger and appetite awareness.

Habit 1: Eat slowly. Habit 2: Eat until satisfied, not stuffed.

This takes a month — two weeks for clients to learn, practice, and repeat each of the two habits. At the end of a month, clients have two very important habits that they can now use for the rest of their lives. They’ve learned it by doing it.

Not surprisingly, clients usually lose weight during this time. Because, of course, they’re learning to eat a bit less and adjust their intake according to body signals.

Even better, they’ve built two new habits that they can use for the rest of their lives, no matter what else happens.

Here’s how we present habits (and track their completion).

This approach is the perfect antidote to “program-thinking” in fitness and health.

Instead of a meal plan to follow, which is a very short-term (and limited) solution that never really addresses core problems, this approach is progressive and helps clients build transferable skills while stair-stepping their way to real change.

If you integrate this style of coaching with your clients:

They’ll accomplish goals more quickly (with less effort).

They’ll have an easier time maintaining results.

They’ll be able to do it within the context of a real human life (with its distractions, complexities, and surprises).

Here are some practical ways we implement this in our own coaching program.

The habits of Precision Nutrition Coaching.

Precision Nutrition Coaching is a one-year program that uses a client-centered, habit-based approach to help clients lose fat, gain strength, and improve their health.

Here’s an outline of the habits we recommend in our women’s nutrition coaching program. (Keep in mind, this is just one example; since we’re client-centered, we tailor habits to clients’ needs, gender, goals, etc.).

Weeks Habit 1-2 Take a 5-minute action 3-4 Eat slowly 5-6 Stop eating at “80% full” 7-8 Eat lean protein with each meal 9-10 Eat at least five servings of colorful fruits / vegetables 11-12 Make smart carb choices 13-14 Eat healthy fats 15-16 Plan PN-friendly meals 17-18 Record what you eat 19-20 Create & use a sleep ritual 21-22 Drink only calorie-free beverages 23 Break week 24-25 Use a targeted recovery strategy 26-27 Eat whole foods only 28-29 A little more, a little better 30-31 Protein & colorful plants at each meal 32-33 Practice 80% full 34-35 Do a 5-minute mind-body scan 36-37 Take a fitness information vacation 38-39 20 minutes of de-stressing 40-41 Create and practice your fitness mission 42-43 Choose your own adventure 44-45 Prepare for your final photo shoot 46-47 Celebrate your progress 48-50 Spread the love, pay it forward

Some of these habits (like “Eat slowly” or “Eat healthy fats”) are more straightforward. Others (like “Celebrate your progress” or “Pay it forward”) might be more open-ended.

The order of these habits, of course, isn’t an accident.

This is a carefully planned, cumulative client development experience.

We start simply and concretely, with clear and specific early habits that help our clients build a foundation. Over time, as clients develop skills and independence, we give them more freedom and opportunities to explore and expand their horizons.

Each habit builds on the previous ones.

Clients are able to do habits more effectively because of the skills they’ve already built. Which makes them feel even more successful and empowered.

They might start out tentative or nervous, but by the time they get to the final habits, they’re rocking ‘n’ rolling.

Here’s how our nutrition coaching software works.

Every day, clients:

Receive an email with what’s on deck for that day.

Example of the daily emails clients will receive.

Read a lesson (which supports the habit).

How lessons and habits are presented on a client’s “today page”.

Mark whether or not they’ve read their lesson for the day.

Example lesson for a client to read.

Practice their habit for the day.

Mark whether or not they’ve done their habit for the day.

Example habit / practice for clients to follow.

Then…

Every week:

Clients measure and record their progress. This can be body measurements or other indicators (such as energy levels, mood, or habit consistency).

One of the progress checks that comes every few weeks.

Every 2 weeks:

Clients get a new habit to practice.

Example of a new habit / practice, which a client will get every two weeks.

Every month:

Clients upload more progress indicators such as photos, body measurements, etc.

One of the progress checks that comes every few weeks.

How do we support clients’ new habits?

Habits are supported by lessons.

We ask clients to practice a new habit for 2 weeks. During this time we share short lessons and assignments that help them understand the habit more deeply and implement it within the context of their lives.

For example, here’s a list of the lessons we use with the habit “Eat at least five servings of colorful fruits and vegetables.”

Lesson 1: How to get your colors.

Lesson 2: Just add vegetables.

Lesson 3: How to prep and cook your vegetables.

Lesson 4: The waste-not game.

Lesson 5: Greens supplements and powdered veggies.

Lesson 6: Tomato travels.

Lesson 7: Who’s your farmer?

Lesson 8: What’s for breakfast?

Lesson 9: PN Coaching movie night.

Lesson 10: Are you over-processing your fitness?

Example lesson that supports the habit “Eat at least five servings of colorful fruits and vegetables.”

Most habits offer Level 1 and Level 2 options.

Clients can make a habit as easy or as challenging as they like.

For newer clients, this takes away the fear of “doing it right” or “having to do too much”. Even the most intimidated beginner can usually find a habit level that works for them.

For more experienced clients, a bit of difficulty or a tougher game to play keeps them interested, challenged, and growing.

For example:

Level 1: If you’re new to eating our plant friends, feel free to mix up veggies and colorful fruit. Keep it simple and just get in the habit of eating the rainbow.

Level 2: If you’re already a produce-eating ninja, then use this habit to polish your plant consumption skills. Here are some things to try (choose one):

Improve your overall consistency.

Try more servings, especially of colorful vegetables.

Try new vegetables.

Try a new way of prepping or cooking familiar favorites.

Aim for more dark leafy greens.

Hit up the farmer’s market and try something in season or something organic.

We don’t just give our clients habits. We build their skills.

Over the course of each program, we help clients build dozens of skills through very specific and well-defined daily habits.

Each habit is decided upon using our “Five S Formula”.

Simple.

The best habits are small daily actions that can be done in the context of real life.

If you ask yourself or your client, “On a scale of 0-10, how confident do you feel you could do this habit every day for the next 2 weeks?” the answer should be a 9 or 10. Anything lower and the habit is too challenging or intimidating.

Segmental.

Most goals are too big, or complicated, to try for in one go. Most skills are the same way.

So you break them down into defined and organized segments. Just like when learning / teaching complex exercises, you need to chunk bigger things into their component parts.

Sequential.

Once you have segments, you have to practice those segments in the right order.

If you do “thing 4” before “thing 1” you’re less likely to succeed. So start with thing 1, then do thing 2, then thing 3, and so on.

Do the right things in the right order and success is a reliable outcome.

Strategic.

Being strategic means being purposeful.

Strategic habits create a set of smart, deliberate decisions that leverage your strengths to help you address the thing that’s in your way right now.

Focus on that one thing — and only that thing — and a difficult process becomes easier and faster.

Supported.

Nothing worth doing can be done alone.

Habits work best when they’re supported by some form of teaching, coaching, mentorship, and accountability.

Habits are good. A curriculum is even better.

The habit-based approach is awesome. However, if you — or your clients — have ever tried a habit-based program or app on its own, you probably got stuck with questions like:

Which habits?

In what order?

How do I actually do the habits?

What if this habit is too hard or easy for me?

Why can’t I do four habits at once?

And so on.

That’s why we focus on a habit-based curriculum.

A curriculum is a set of strategic, logical lessons and activities that go in a particular order, step by step.

It’s a purposeful program, plan, and progression based on the best practices of client learning, engagement, and development.

The PN Coaching curriculum, at a glance.

While the order of the habits above might seem a bit random, each one is carefully placed in a particular sequence based on very specific learning objectives.

To check out detailed curriculum guides, including a lesson-by-lesson breakdown:

Men’s coaching curriculum

Women’s coaching curriculum

Habits and lessons are cumulative and coherent.

Each habit / lesson builds the skills for future habits / lessons.

Then, later habits and lessons return to themes and ideas from earlier ones.

Everything is connected to everything else in a logical progression.

For instance:

Week 4: The “Notice and name” lesson covers the importance and basic process of self-observation and self-awareness.

Example of the “Notice and name” lesson.

this leads to…

Week 14: The “Experiment day: Snapshot” lesson, a very simple self-tracking exercise that looks at a few items throughout the day like energy levels, mental state, mood.

Example of the “Experiment day: Snapshot” lesson.

which leads to…

Week 17: “Record your intake” habit

Example of the “Record your intake” habit.

and eventually…

Week 29: The “How to listen to your body” lesson, which helps clients analyze patterns in habits.

Example of the “How to listen to your body” lesson.

Week 35: The “Your schedule doesn’t lie” lesson, which helps clients keep a time diary.

Example of the “Your schedule doesn’t lie” lesson.

Week 38: The “Time bandits, time warriors” lesson, which helps clients review time use and what it says about priorities.

Example of the “Time bandits, time warriors” lesson.

And so on.

As you can see…

It all fits together. It’s progressive.

Just like any other subject, you start at the beginning.

When learning math, students learn what numbers are, then how to count them, then how to add and subtract them, and so on… before they can start doing calculus or algebra.

Notice also…

“Anchor habits” come first.

These are things you can do anytime, anywhere. They’re foundational behaviors.

For example, for fat loss, the two anchor habits are “eat slowly” and “eat to 80% full”. These trump all other habits.

When clients get stuck or overwhelmed with new habits, they can simply return to these “anchor habits”.

Concrete, practical, prescriptive habits come first.

“Do X in Y way” habits lead the way.

While clients can still customize all habits to their needs and nutritional levels, early habits focus on clear, unambiguous basics.

Then, we start loosening the reins, allowing more open-ended habits and interpretations of them.

For example:

Early, concrete habit: Eat 5 servings of colorful fruits and vegetables each day

Somewhat open-ended habit midway through: Use a targeted recovery strategy

Completely open-ended habit near the end of the program: Pay it forward

Example of habit progression.

In addition, we like to mix things up. For example…

We mix up “hard” and “easy” habits.

Not all clients will struggle with the same habits. However, some habits tend to be harder than others.

We carefully dole out “hard” and “easy” habits so that clients aren’t constantly asked to do difficult things.

We also mix up “new stuff” and “review / consolidation” habits.

For example:

Habit: Eat whole foods only (a “stretch” habit, fairly difficult, requires learning new things) is followed by…

Habit: A little more, a little better (relaxing the control, scaling back expectations, allowing client to choose the next actions and simply improve slightly on what is familiar).

Clients are presented with new habits and have opportunities to improve on existing habits.

Some habits are “stretch habits” or “experiment habits”.

(Rather than “forever” habits.)

These are presented as “things to try” for 2 weeks, rather than “you should always do these as specified, forever”.

For example:

Eat mostly whole foods.

Drink only calorie-free beverages.

Example of a “stretch” habit and an “experiment” habit.

The idea here is for clients to:

Try something that pushes their boundaries for 2 weeks.

Expand their skills and repertoire while doing so.

See what they learn and discover about themselves.

See what they like, need, and/or want through this process of experimenting.

Add this information and insight to their understanding of their needs.

At the end of the 2 week “play period”:

Clients decide what was most interesting, valuable, and useful for them.

They decide what pieces of that habit to keep.

Stretch habits in particular are great opportunities for coaching and collaboration.

For Level 1 clients, stretch habits get them outside their comfort zone.

For Level 2 clients, stretch habits encourage them to “up their game”, improve their execution and/or variety, and refine their skills.

A new kind of personal: Building your Owner’s Manual.

What’s interesting about this habit-based approach (supported by daily lessons and assignments) is that it’s personal in a unique way.

When most coaches think “personal”, they think about telling clients what to do based on something physiological.

For example:

You weigh 180 pounds, so start eating xx grams of protein.

You have xx genotype, so avoid xx foods.

You just finished working out, so eat exactly xx.

And while there’s nothing wrong with suggestions based on known physiology, it’s still a coach-centered approach.

A client-centered approach recognizes all this physiological information while also taking into account what clients can reasonably do within the context of their lives.

We call this process “Building Your ‘Owner’s Manual”.

One of the “Build Your Owner’s Manual” exercises from the program.

Throughout our coaching, we ask clients to track their progress, gather data, and reflect on thought exercises. The purpose of this is to write an “Owner’s Manual” — a collection of information and analysis about their lives, bodies, needs, wants, and real-life-tested experiences.

The Owner’s Manual:

collects information about the client,

asks the client to test hypotheses and collect data for making decisions,

increases the client’s self-awareness and self-knowledge, and most importantly,

puts the client in charge (which makes them take responsibility and reduces their resistance).

Each client creates their own Owner’s Manual by answering several sets of questions online throughout the course of the program. This process helps clients:

Take responsibility for themselves — their thoughts, their beliefs, their stories, their environments, and most importantly, their behaviors. (No more coach-blaming or “This diet / workout plan didn’t work for me!”)

Feel empowered by and invested in the idea that they now have a set of “handling instructions for their bodies”. (No more “one-size-fits all” programs.)

Test hypotheses, gather data, and draw conclusions, just like scientists. (No more blindly “just following the rules”.)

Example of “Owner’s Manual” questions.

This is a very different kind of personal.

A good Owner’s Manual empowers clients to make informed decisions about their own needs, wants, and priorities (instead of you telling them what to think or feel or do). It’s client-centered coaching at its best.

Of course, none of this eliminates the need for:

Guidance and support.

Strategies to get through blocks and setbacks.

Problem solving and goal setting.

Indeed, that’s what what coaching is actually for.

Unfortunately, a lot of coaches spend too much time trying to measure adherence, trying to put together one-off education sessions, and doing a host of other tasks that should be automated.

This robs them of valuable time they could use to do what humans do best…

Build accountability, support, and relationships.

Automated lessons, habits, assignments, accountability checks, and progress checks are awesome. In fact, they’re the cornerstone of our very successful program, which produces results like these:

And these:

Precision Nutrition Coaching – Men’s Hall of Fame (225+ men’s before and after photos. Ages 21-70)

Precision Nutrition Coaching – Women’s Hall of Fame (375+ women’s before and after photos. Ages 21-74)

However, both research and experience show:

People do their best when they have strong, supportive relationships with a mentor or coach.

Having a ready-made curriculum (a clear, strategic, purpose-driven progression through client development and learning) frees coaches up to do the relationship-building, supporting, guiding, helping, and coaching that clients deserve.

Sure, if clients are ridiculously motivated and relentlessly tenacious, they might be able to figure everything out on their own without a coach or mentor.

Maybe.

However, most people need some amount of support. And that’s okay. It’s not a sign of weakness or incompetence. In fact, it’s the way most humans do most things.

The individual hero who accomplishes big things all by themselves is a myth.

That’s why, as a coach, it’s important to provide the following to your clients:

Encouragement during the courage phase.

The “courage phase” is the gap between when your clients commit to something and when they have the skill to actually do it.

At first, clients are committed but not capable. That’s scary and takes courage.

At times like this, it’s important to get enthusiastic support from coaches or mentors who’ve been through the process themselves.

A known cadence of accountability.

We all know accountability — regularly checking in with someone — is important. The social commitment helps us stick with what we started.

But accountability works best if it happens at regular, expected times. Whether through an app, in a group, or one-on-one, accountability should have a known cadence (i.e. weekly, every other week, etc).

Access to a respected coach.

Most people don’t want “a coach”. They want a leader, an expert, someone they trust and respect.

Most people don’t want someone in their face “coaching” them 24/7. They just want the security of knowing for sure that someone is there if they need them.

A positive progress focus.

Comparing clients to some superhero ideal doesn’t work. It makes them feel inadequate.

Which is why it’s important to seek out any and all positive progress. Bonus points for celebrating that progress when it happens.

Even if clients aren’t seeing physical results yet, if they’re showing up, good things are happening. By identifying and celebrating that, the physical progress will follow.

Proactive obstacle identification.

It’s not all high-fiving and progress celebration. Sometimes real challenges come up. People need strategies to move past these inevitable obstacles.

What’s better than solving the problem? Avoiding that problem in the first place.

Experienced coaches can give clients a heads-up about what they’re likely to come up against. That way clients know what problems to look out for, and they’re less likely to get derailed.

Help when stuck.

Even with the best daily habits, ongoing progress tracking, accountability, and proactive obstacle identification, sometimes clients get stuck.

That’s when an expert guide can help. Someone who’s “been there, done that” and knows how to navigate.

In our coaching programs, this is where our coaches really shine. They’re available to provide careful, patient, empathic coaching to clients as they go through the full journey.

But here’s the thing… this is only possible because we’ve automated so much.

The habits, lessons, assignments, consistency trackers, and progress reports are delivered reliably in a way that can scale. So coaches aren’t wasting time doing “admin” work.

Now they’re free to do what only a caring, empathic human coach can do: connect.

Here’s one of the ways our coaches connect with their clients.

As a special bonus: Coaches can take on more clients this way, helping more people than they ever thought possible.

You see, when I started doing online nutrition coaching, I soon realized that I could only handle 25-50 clients at a time while preserving quality control. Most of my time was wasted on admin tasks.

However, with automation, Precision Nutrition now coaches about 5,000 amazing clients per year with 20 full-time Precision Nutrition supercoaches (and an awesome group of part-time interns and mentors). That’s an average of about 250 clients per coach.

It’s the best of both worlds: 10 times the clients with even better results because of our proven, progressive, and change-promoting curriculum.

Client list within the ProCoach dashboard.

Tracking, feedback, and oversight for coaches.

So far I’ve talked a lot about the client side of things. Let’s look at the coach experience.

How do our coaches onboard, monitor, and provide feedback to clients?

Over the last 15 years, we’ve spent millions of dollars building our coaching software and curriculum — Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach — with the help of world-class researchers and dozens of full-time ninja programmers.

ProCoach is designed to:

Triage and assess new clients quickly and efficiently.

Deliver habits, lessons, and assignments from our curriculum.

Monitor consistency and habit adherence every single day.

Track physical, mental, and behavior changes every week.

Set clients up for long-term, sustainable success.

Help you attract new prospects and clients with photos, data, testimonials, and straight-up, irrefutable, hard-data evidence of success.

The home page of the ProCoach dashboard.

We start by getting to know our clients.

When clients enroll, we ask them lots of questions about themselves. We want to know as much as possible so we can best help them.

What do their lives look like?

Who are they as people?

What are their goals?

What are their biggest challenges?

How much do they know about nutrition right now?

How much of that can they actually do?

Do they have any injuries or other limitations?

Etc.

Client intake questionnaire.

Then we track our clients.

Not only do coaches get the confidence of knowing their clients are well taken care of, they can also see their progress through a special dashboard that allows them to track their entire client list at a glance.

Client list within the ProCoach dashboard.

The client list gives coaches overview stats on each client, including:

where they are in the program,

how consistent they’ve been, and

how their body has changed.

But that’s just the beginning.

We keep learning about our clients as individuals.

Coaches can also drill down to each person’s client details by clicking on their name.

Client details page within the ProCoach dashboard.

There, coaches see photos, important details about clients (from their intake questionnaire), and how they’re doing in the program. Coaches also get access to pretty much everything they’ve done (or not done) in the program to date.

We keep an eye on how clients are doing.

Once a coach’s client list gets longer, they keep close tabs on their communications with each individual with this real-time feed of messages and updates.

Real-time feed of messages and updates.

Each client’s “Progress” section records whether the client did their habit and completed their lesson for the day.

Lesson and habit adherence are tracked on the client’s “my progress” page.

Responses to their assignments and lessons are also recorded in the “Archive” section.

Lesson and habit archive.

Of course, coaches get access to these adherence and consistency data through the Client List and Client Details areas of the ProCoach dashboard, as well.

We help clients assess themselves.

Along with the lesson and habit completion information, the system collects such other assessments as:

Progress updates.

Every few weeks clients are asked to report body weight, girths, photos, and other progress indicators. Also included are questions about whether they felt like their behaviors for the last week or so matched up with their goals.

Example of a behavior based question.

Surveys.

Every few months, clients are asked to fill out a quick survey. One is a psychological assessment evaluating their mindset and resiliency. Another asks important questions about how they feel about their progress so far. Another asks them to rate the program.

Example client surveys.

Coaches can easily access all of this within the ProCoach dashboard area.

We stay in touch.

Finally, there’s a built-in messaging system within the ProCoach software.

Through this system, clients can reach out to coaches and vice-versa. It’s like email but it’s all contained within the ProCoach software.

Imagine having all of your client’s details right there in front of you as you emailed them: their body stats, progress, latest messages and lesson responses, photos… everything.

Each time a coach is messaging with a client, all of that client’s data will be up on the screen at the same time. Coaches don’t have to rely on memory.

Everything coaches need to know is all right there for them, literally at their fingertips.

Messaging system within the client detail page.

In addition to the messaging system, there’s a built-in feedback system. So, when a coach reviews a client’s progress updates or assignments, they can send feedback or encouragement that’ll be delivered to them via their coaching homepage.

Coach feedback on a lesson in the “today page”.

15 years ago we set out to build a nutrition coaching platform and curriculum to deliver client-centered, habit-based coaching in a way that’s awesome for both clients and coaches.

Today, we now have efficient tracking, seamless oversight, and easy sharing of feedback.

By automating as much as possible, coaches can work with more clients, deliver better results, and spend less time on recordkeeping.

Help more clients with our software’s reliability, scaleability, and automation.

So far I’ve talked a lot about automating certain tasks so they’re done reliably and in a way that scales.

But what does that really mean?

Reliable

You’re able to deliver the same high-quality coaching experience to every client regardless of what else is going on… in your life or your clients’.

This is hard to do when your coaching is one-off or when you have more than one employee.

Scaleable

You’re able to coach 5 clients, 50 clients, or 500 clients.

(And going from 5 clients to 500 requires very little additional effort.)

We’ve used ProCoach to help over 100,000 clients over the past 15 years. So I think it’s safe to say that scalability is well-proven.

Automated

You’ll be able to deliver nutrition habits, lessons, and assignments on time and on track, no matter what else you’re doing.

Whether we’re sleeping, busy, out of town, in bed with the flu, stuck in traffic or on a plane somewhere above the Pacific ocean… it doesn’t matter.

Our system will take care of your clients regardless, and make sure they get what they need.

Daily, weekly, and monthly check-ins are completely automated too.

In the end, I think Precision Nutrition Coaching is so unique because it does what nothing else out there can do:

It uses high-powered technology (ProCoach) to automatically deliver a progressive and carefully curated curriculum (built right into ProCoach) that’s supported by live coaches.

Want help doing this yourself?

With this article, I tried to break down each component of Precision Nutrition Coaching to give you an inside look at exactly how we use all three elements:

software,

curriculum, and

coaching.

Hopefully you now have a better understanding of how we coach as well as how you can use some of these elements in your own coaching.

If you’d like some support with this, we can help.

As I mentioned, Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach software has been specifically designed to help you use client-centered, habit-based coaching in your own business.

ProCoach will help your business.

Add habit-based nutrition coaching to your existing services, easily.

Add a totally new, and highly profitable, revenue stream, immediately.

Market and sell your services to clients and prospects, effectively.

Take on more clients, while offering high-quality coaching and attention.

ProCoach will help your clients.

Assess new clients quickly and efficiently.

Deliver habits, lessons, and assignments from our proven curriculum.

Review every client’s consistency and habit adherence at any time.

Track every client’s physical, mental, and behavior changes every week.

Set clients up for long-term, sustainable success.

Attract new clients with photos, data, testimonials, and straight-up, irrefutable, hard-data evidence of success.

Ready to build a thriving coaching practice?

Tested with over 100,000 clients now, Precision Nutrition’s

ProCoach makes it easy to deliver the sustainable, research-proven nutrition and lifestyle coaching discussed in this article to anyone who needs it… from paying clients and patients, to family, to co-workers, to loved ones.

Want to coach in-person? Online? A combination of the two? Whatever fits your ideal lifestyle, it’s all possible with

ProCoach.

With the

ProCoach curriculum, coaching tools, and software, you’ll be able to turn what you learned in the Precision Nutrition Certification into a thriving practice, getting better results with dozens, even hundreds, of people while working less and living life on your own terms.

Interested? Add your name to the

presale list. You’ll save 30% and secure your spot 24 hours before everyone else.

On Wednesday, June 5th, 2019,

ProCoach becomes available to all Precision Nutrition Certification students and graduates.

If you’re interested and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our

presale list. Being on the presale list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition, we like to reward the most interested and motivated professionals, because they always make the best students and clients. Join the presale list and we’ll give you 30% off the monthly cost of Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach.

You’re more likely to get a spot. Remember, last time we sold out within hours. But by joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to help more people live their healthiest lives, grow your business, and worry less about time and money… ProCoach is your chance.

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