#also tried tiktok at one point but i had to delete that after like 2 weeks bc by god i could Not allow my audhd brain to latch onto that

[vero-niche]

lol, yeah, part of it was simply the fact that no other place really caters to my specific needs, so I wouldn't be able to find a replacement for tumblr and it would eventually entice me again. The only other place I've spent some time on was dreamwidth. I guess I just wasn't made for normal social media XD

thats so valid + i think its safe to say that none of us here were made for the normal social media sites lmao

[getsuuna]

another day, another dumb ass take from KNY TikTok Fandom !!!! /extremely derogatory

the topic of the day is Uzui's family, and it all started off from a girl on TikTok affirming Tengen's marriage is strictly polygamous, which could be a valid opinion from a certain point of view, but let's dig further.

she was specifically referring to people portraying them as a polyamorous relationship, and strongly opposed to it, going so far as:

•blocking people who tried to discuss (including me)

•making a mockery video on it (which she then deleted due to threats in DMs, which I don't justify, no matter how rude she was)

•unblocking me trying to discuss further, except all she did was talking to me as if I was an uneducated and misinformed fool, and eventually blocked me again after speaking utter nonsense

so, what was the nonsense about?

it started with Suma, but I'm sadly going to have to digress on Tengen himself. she denied Tengen being a polyamorous character, because "he's polygamous and no you cannot be both"

now, I indeed spent lots of time educating myself on labels as a queer person, but I am not polyamorous, so correct me if I'm mistaken: Tengen is polyamorous by definition.

I never denied that Tengen is in a polygamous marriage, but he's polyamorous.

Uzui's family was in a clan that canonically practiced polygamy solely for reproduction purposes, which, by the way, is usually the reason why polygamy was practiced in different cultures, and it's obviously rooted in misogyny. even the manga itself portrays this tradition as dehumanizing for women, it portrayed the historical reality of women being seen as possession and inferior worth overall.

Tengen, too, was forced into polygamy, but literally most of his character revolves around the fact that he detached himself from that toxic environment, and he was the only one that actively valued his wives' lives more than his own.

briefly, he was the only one that actually LOVED his wives, unlike every other male member of his clan in such polygamous marriages.

yes, he's in a polygamous marriage, but he loves all of his wives equally and they're all obviously consenting to that relationship as an actual marriage, and not as an excuse to make babies. polygamy was never about feelings and love, unlike polyamory. Tengen is undeniably polyamorous, and he's widely seen and known as polyamorous representation.

yet this kid apparently had the nerve to deny that, and also denied that polygamy as a concept and as a practice is misogynistic and messed up. "there's people who are ok with it" maybe because it's tradition forced upon them??? "polyamory didn't exist back then" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 neither did every queer label that we now know and use. sexualities weren't labeled nor legal, and it absolutely didn't mean they weren't there, and the sole fact that she assumed that made me want to just give up on that so-called argument we were having.

I wasn't even irritated anymore, just disappointed but not surprised. she just kept bragging about the same 2 phrases over and over and assuming I didn't know nor understand what she was trying to say.

what maturity level do you actually expect to give off if you start the discussion by assuming I don't know what you're talking about, using annoying and ironic pet names and just going "uhrm I don't think you understood...! hope that helps...!" ??? I unfortunately lack the patience to deal with such buffoonery but overall it's basic common sense that someone who wants to have an actual discussion should NEVER behave like that. it's not really the fact that she's wrong that pissed me off, it's the attitude, the fake superiority complex kinda vibe.

moving on to what was supposed to be the initial topic: their whole polygamous marriage being or not being polyamorous.

they're not all legally married to each other, the 3 women are only legally married to Tengen (which is the point that homegirl repeated to me over and over again as if I didn't have enough comprehension skills while reading the manga)

HOWEVER, just because they're legally recognized as polygamous doesn't mean the 3 women can't be interested in each other as much as Tengen is interested in all 3 of them.

polyamorous Tengen ≠ polyamorous relationship, we get it, but what if? Gotōge revealed that during the marriage interview, Suma proposed herself as a wife instead of her sister,, and immediately after, they also revealed that Suma is bisexual.

oh, wait, the bisexual label didn't exist back then, yet bisexuality existed indeed! 💋

but that's besides the point, because bisexuality obviously doesn't imply polyamory...however², Gotōge has coincidentally revealed this cute little fun fact right after speaking about the fact that she begged to be Tengen's wife.

Tengen's father apparently chose the wives for his sons basing himself on the "chemistry" they seemed to have with them (still NOT love btw, if we take in consideration how poorly Tengen's brothers treated their wives) and he chose Suma's sister alongside the others, yet Suma still crashed in. then Gotōge put a comma and added "it seemed she preferred both men and women".

technically, specifying that wasn't necessary, especially since Suma is married to a man. but can you see where this is going??? it was stated for a reason, and, even better, it was stated right after that sentence for a reason.

call me delusional or call it a headcanon, but the point stands, plus this silly bisexual woman lives every day of her life with 2 other pretty women and they're all a big family. I think it's valid to assume they kiss each other.

and homegirl took it personally🙏🏻 she defends polygamy but draws the line at polyamory and queerness, the irony🩷 also, she's christian. I absolutely don't want to generalize but I see a pattern.

anyways, I don't want people to harass her or send her threats, I was just pissed off by her immature behavior but hey, she was the fuel for me to make this brief analysis which I thought was basic analytical skill😭 this Fandom never fails to cross a line I never even knew was there🤞🏻

[solarwynd]

https://www.tumblr.com/solarwynd/747651444915748864/can-i-share-my-opinion-about-jungkook-and-that?source=share

Diff anon. Solar your points are so valid and I think you're right. I still have doubts this anon is right though just because all the points you mentioned also seem to apply for those smoking pics of JK and those I'm almost completely sure were staged. Also tkk's media strategy last year was crazy. JK would frequently go on a public Jimin love fest mode and Tae would go on a public JK love fest mode and simultaneously Tae tried to launch him and Jennie (I think a failed PR move) and the JK smoking pics (which made no noise). So in between all that if the video happened to be a deliberate leak, I feel that's too tawdry for BTS but with 🛴 at the helm, who knows what depths we might fall into.

Also I'm 100% sure that it was Tae and Jennie but a pap just coming across them? In France too. I'm not well versed in the practical situation but I've heard that the paparazzi laws in France are strict after the incident with Princess Diana's death. And taking photos that looked like they were taken on a potato? Doesn't seem random to me. I'm less sure with JK but there's some similarities. I know ssngs are the worst but they have so much time and money to track him but the moment they have to take a video it's potato time again? Meanwhile I'm watching the trend with those zoom tiktoks where people use their samsungs from the back of a stadium to zoom in and watch Taylor during eras tour. I think the bad quality is a feature too - just enough terrible quality that you can plausible deniability but still get buzz and people talking about you and building a certain image.

I'm just saying it's been ten years of half-rumors and hearsay and flat out lies about the guys' private lives but in 2023 we suddenly have two incidents for the both of them? Coincidentally before their solo release? I dunno. Might be a series of coincidences but it's interesting

Was TH’s hard launch with Jennie really just last year? Man 2023 was busy.

“I'm just saying it's been ten years of half-rumors and hearsay and flat out lies about the guys' private lives but in 2023 we suddenly have two incidents for the both of them? Coincidentally before their solo release? I dunno. Might be a series of coincidences but it's interesting”

No but this is so true. BTS have always been so careful about the details of their private lives and barely sharing anything. You can say that this is there way of freeing themselves from any previous restrictions they might’ve felt before chapter 2 but why go about it that way? I know that even Joon had a “slip up” where he posted a pic of him smoking on insta and then he deleted it but the amount of “confirms” you have to go through to post on that app? That for sure wasn’t an accident.

With JK’s smoking pics not making any noise I mean it did on twitter. People were thirsting after it but in terms of the audience they were trying to grab which was most likely American media considering he was in LA doing it out in the open, no one bit. No one in the US was gonna run that as a headline. Even with America’s perception of the kpop industry having strict rules, it’s just smoking. It’s not illegal. That’s why you have to ask (again if it’s staged) who’s planning these things out? And why are the operating off early 2000s or 90s rules to blowing up new acts in 2023? It just reminds me of that one Victorious episode where Tori was made into a big pop star and her manager turned her into a “bad girl” to interest the masses. But it just needed up turning people off from her.

“Also tkk's media strategy last year was crazy. JK would frequently go on a public Jimin love fest mode and Tae would go on a public JK love fest mode and simultaneously Tae tried to launch him and Jennie”

Jk’s Jimin binge was…something. I don’t think there was a particular strategy from him by doing that because fandom wise he had nothing to gain by mentioning jimin. Armys don’t care for jikook and jikookers are mostly biased towards him, they were gonna support him regardless. I believe there was some genuine interest there to see what was doing. (In retrospect, he was never gonna do it, but to be so in Jimin’s business, yet couldn’t still congratulate him publicly on getting that #1 on hot 100 🥴) Idk it just wasn’t expected considering they had barely been talking. Him and TH were at the hip so much last year, I would’ve thought he would’ve been the go to choice. (ig in a way he still was) Now TH was a strategist. It’s very obvious he wanted the best of both worlds with the actions he took, but neither helped him at all.

“I know ssngs are the worst but they have so much time and money to track him but the moment they have to take a video it's potato time again?…just enough terrible quality that you can plausible deniability but still get buzz and people talking about you and building a certain image.”

Ssngs are so particular about how they sneak videos and pics too. Like these people will literally be in trees to film these idols with those high grade cameras. “Building an image” as a member of BTS is a crazy sentence because while I get that everyone doesn’t know the members well individually, why would you want their introduction to you to be potentially staged cheap drama and not your music/talent? At their caliber it should be beneath them.

[transformersarelikemagicalgirlz]

Ugh I can’t believe I’m venting here of all places but I also need to get this out so bad

For context, i haven’t had an irl friend since I was 11. My parents didn’t want me in public school, the stay at home parent couldn’t drive, I was babied and not even trusted to leave the house to walk/bike ANYWHERE without a parent, but I finally did manage to be allowed social media in my late 16’s.

Both friend groups I’ve had online were ones I cared about deeply and they both ended with me realizing they didn’t care about me in return. One I was the oldest of and 80% of the group was 13, but I still got along with them anyways and after a whole year of being the mom friend, the therapist, the “Ill call the police if you don’t throw up all those pills you intentionally OD’d on because I’m not letting you take your own life so young” stays up all night spam calling them when they said they were gonna ktms only to find out they were bluffing and never even took all those pills or actually intended to hurt themselves, that kind of friend. Then when push came to shove, the one time I needed them, the one time I literally had to Voice message because I couldn’t see my keyboard through tears, they completely ignored and roleplayed over the top of me and left my messages on read.

The second was so much better, they were supportive and funny and super invested in the fandom I’m hyper fixated on and you can ask anyone in my family I was BEYOND happy with them. Then out of the blue, the admin messages me to tell me I’ve sent a server invite. I hadn’t, I didn’t even have people to invite in and I had been hiking in the desert for four hours straight with my family. They let me back in and then booted me out AGAIN after a literal misunderstanding with them thinking I was “Acting like they didn’t have a reason to kick me in the first place”, and said “I think it best if you just leave sorry.”

I tried to explain myself and they came back with “Uh huh, you still sent an invite which is all I need to know.” Mind you I’ve been friends with these people for MONTHS at the time this happens and they’re completely unwilling to hear me out.

Out of desperation not to be kicked from my only friend group at the time I offered to show them screenshots of all my recent DM’s to try and prove I hadn’t sent an invite, they came back with “I don’t need to see that you could’ve deleted the message 💀”. ATP they’re condescending me and acting as if the situation is funny and I’m having a meltdown sobbing in front of my mom and unbeknownst to me at the time starting to get sick from too much sun that day.

So I’m sobbing and seeing red at the same time, and I told them to shove a cactus up their ass but that I’d be explaining to everybody through DM’s why I was gone and what happened. But they got to everyone first, @‘ing everyone just showing me being aggressive and telling them to shove a cactus in their ass and they managed to turn everyone against me. One very sweet person was nice enough to share screenshots of the situation and let me know about it before I ever even reached out to anyone and at that point I was too humiliated to say anything watching everyone make fun of me.

I couldn’t hold food down for the next two days out of a mixture of emotional upset and what might have been heatstroke from that hike. As of today it’s been a week, 2 hours and thirty minutes since that happened and I still haven’t heard from any of those people after the admin blocked me on everything. I still have a DM with most of the people there, but they haven’t once reached out to me and I’m too scared to reach out to them. I just keep thinking about it all on loop.

Oh, and as a bonus fun little side note they fucking posted a slideshow of our DM’s on TikTok, tagged me in it and said “Uh you deserved to be banned as this screenshot shows you invited someone so yeah sowwy ☺️” AND DIDNT BLURR OR CENSOR MY USERNAME. That’s wrong on a LOT of levels, but holy fuck I’m so glad that video got taken down. I hope their 11 likes was worth my internet privacy. And again I legitimately have no clue where that invite was sent, i still swear on my life I didn’t do that.

So yeah, not a peep from any of them and I’m seeing a pattern here. Am I obnoxious, am I boring, do people not find me funny… literally wtf am I doing wrong that nobody cares about me as much as I cared about them? Maybe those were just texts to them but to me online interaction is my ONLY interaction, it meant a lot to me. Maybe I can’t force them to care about me but I wish I could at least force them to understand how bad it feels to realize you’re not cared for. Do I just sound like a chronically online pussy who’s being selfish? Idk, but the loneliness is fucking killing me and I’m scared to be open or even joke around with people anymore. I feel like there’s a standard I’m not aware of that I have to fit for anyone to even consider me an acquaintance.

I still feel literally sick just thinking about the year wasted with those first people and then months with the second, I can’t get all that time back and it doesn’t feel like a happy memory anymore it just puts a pit in my stomach to think of how it all ended.

Christ it’s 2:41 am now and this must sound so fucking dramatic, I need to go to bed.

[elizasidepiece]

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE

under the cut I'm going to include some minor versions of a few of my brain vomits for why I think these songs fit (only a few I don't want to make a massive post no one else will read lololol) so uhhhh read on if you want to see the result of two major hyperfixations colliding!!!!

Say Don't Go - Taylor Swift

first off may I say MISS SWIFT WHAT A BANGER!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KEPT THIS FROM US!!!!!! one of the best songs on 1989 but that's a long post for another day

second, to me this is from Tonks' perspective. specifically the two moments when she feels most betrayed by remus: when he turns her down in the hospital wing in front of everyone, and when he walks out on her after finding out she's pregnant

"I've know it from the very start, we're a shot in the darkest dark"

Then we get to the chorus, which I can only imagine fits in right as Remus has walked out to go try and join Harry on his quest

"Why'd you have to lead me on, why'd you have to twist the knife, walk away and leave me bleeding? / Why'd you whisper in the dark just to leave me in the night, now your silence has me screaming" Why did you let me believe you had fallen in love with me? Why did you get married to me and make a vow that we would stick by each other no matter the trial, only to abandon me when times got hard?

The second part of the chorus says "I would stay forever if you say Don't Go". I can perfectly imagine Tonks feeling like she's ready to drop this relationship and give up. She tried for too long to get him to see reason, what's the point of continuing to fight a losing battle? But....if he came back, she would take him.

THEEEENNNNN THE BRIDGE THIS IS THE PART THAT MAKES ME THE MOST FERAL

"Why'd you have to make me want you/give me nothing back/ make me love you...I said I love you, you say nothing back" GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD

(During the pause after this line I can just imagine an edit or something of Tonks dropping that "if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself you would know who I'd fallen in love with" line before the music starts back up again, a la a certain 2019 Little Women edit on tiktok that has since been deleted, but iykyk)

2. mirrorball - Taylor Swift

this one. is not a remadora song. it is just a Tonks song to me

HOWEVER

I need to talk about it I feel legitimately distraught over this

"I want you to know I'm a mirrorball, I can change everything about me to fit in"

right off the bat we know this song is about identity. not feeling like you know your "true self", and that you change based on circumstance and situation and present company

a mirrorball (a disco ball, for the uninformed) is not its own thing. it's just a warped reflection of it's environment

I imagine as both a metamorphmagus and a woman Tonks suffered from some sort of self-image issue as she was growing up. When we meet her in the series she's a self assured young woman who knows who she is and doesn't care how others perceive her, but people who become that in their adult years weren't always that way. They had to go through times of internal and

"You are not like the regulars ... drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten" as metamorphmagi are very rare, Tonks has been a subject of intrigue by everyone who has come across her. I read in a fic once that when she was little researches tried to "borrow" her from her parents in order to study her, since little is known about them and their abilities. this has since become canon to me.

Remus, to my knowledge, has

"I'm still a believer and I don't know why / I've never been a natural, all I do is try" and "I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me" I love a girl that is aware of her anxieties and need to be loved and adored and tries so hard to be effortless <3333 she's so me

I think that's why I like Tonks so much. I see a lot of myself in her

I also see a lot of myself in this song. it was my most listened to song in 2023 LOLOLOLOLLLLLLL

3. slut! - Taylor Swift

"flamingo pink" omg first line talks about her hair color 💕

this song to me fits more as an observation of the general fandom's opinion on Tonks as a character

specifically the BANGER line

"everyone wants him, that was my crime / wrong place at the right time"

ie, Tonks often gets brushed aside in favor of the favorited mlm ship, Wolfstar

and dont get me wrong. I like wolfstar! I think it's fun in the context of au's and canon divergents!

but. it's not canon and some people need to get over that LMAO

my personal "canon compliant" view of wolfstar is they were a thing towards the end of their Hogwarts years / the first war, but it all fell apart after the events of the war / Halloween, 1981. then after sirius escaped and they were both part of the order they realized it wasn't going to work out, and they had bigger fish to fry and other trauma to work through, and during this time remus starting developing a crush on Tonks (bi4bi is my head canon) but shoving it aside

anyway back to the lyrics

"in a world of boys he's a gentleman" aww <3

isn't that a great lyric? I feel like it fits remus really well

he's a gentleman :)

"you're not saying you're in love with me, but you were going to"

people hate on Tonks for being so up front about her feelings for Remus and "nagging" him into a relationship, but honestly I love her for it

other than that being a gross intentional misinterpretation of her character and the situation, in general we need more characters that wear their hearts on their sleeves and are emotionally intelligent to know how other people feel and work to make their combined desires a reality

4. ballad of a homeschooled girl - Olivia Rodrigo

ummm once again another Tonks song ❤️ im not sorry

obligatory no Tonks wasn't homeschooled BUT she went to a boarding school and some may say that was worse

but really, this song continues the theme of self-identity and trying to find out who YOU are in the context of your environment

"I broke a glass, I tripped and fell, I told secrets I shouldn't tell / I stumbled over all my words, I made it weird, made it worse" I mean come on. that is the most baseline lyric you could apply to tonks. even if you only know her character from the combined total of seven minutes she was featured in the movies, you would know this would fit her.

also I'm sorry but "talked to this hot guy, swore I was his type, guess that he was making out with boys like the whole night / everything I do is tragic, every guy I like is gay" is so funny if you're ALSO a wolfstar shipper / enjoyer (guilty as charged sorry ladies)

also this song just FEELS like something she would actually listen to. she likes more punk-rock type music and I KNOOWWWWW OR is pop and not punk-rock, but this is pop-punk-rock ok. let me have this. im making an executive decision

it's my fictional character and I get to cultivate the Spotify wrapped for her (I imagine she has the same music taste as Kat Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You ("angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion"))

ok last one I'll talk about

5. peace - Taylor Swift

A REMUS SONG YIPEEE

this song. kills me. in the best possible way

"our coming of age has come and gone, suddenly the summer it's clear" Remus makes it very clear how much older he is than Tonks. he loves hating himself for being a cradle robber (JOKE)

summer is often used as a metaphor for adolescence, since spring is youth and infancy. he's not a young adult like Tonks, he's nearing his 40s and is very aware of it. he's left behind the "summer" of his life and is able to look back on it with clarity and perspective as he enters his "autumn", which is not something Tonks can relate to as she is still in her "summer"

"and it's just around the corner darling, 'cause it lives in me / no I could never give you peace" while the original lyric is about the negative impacts of extreme fame on personal relationships, in the context of Remus Lupin it can easily be interpreted as the underlying anxiety of his lycanthropy. His whole life revolves around it, it lives in him. he could never give her peace, as he reminds her several times

"I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best / but the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me" he WANTS to be in a relationship with her, he WANTS to enjoy life with her, but the inevitable "rain" that comes with knowing him would ruin any happiness they could have together

"would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" is the closing line of the song, and gives a sense of ... not resignation, but something more hopeful. acquiescence? acceptance? unsure of the word, but yk what I mean. he's going to give it a chance, but only if she can accept that he won't be able to give her any peace.

would that be enough?

anyway!!!!! there's many more songs on that playlist, and I'll definitely keep adding to it, I just wanted to dump some of my recurring thoughts about a few of the songs where people could skim them if they want :)

Not everything applies in my opinion, BUT I do listen to "Lavender Haze" picturing Tonks venting about her relationship with Remus.

[sadlysoulx]

HAIKYUU CHARACTERS THINKING YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH THEM

(part 3 w/ Kita and Suna)

Part 1 | Part 2

⚠️ Warning⚠️: Angst

Holy shit. Did I just left a request for almost a month and a half. GOMEENNNN IM SO SORRY TO THE PERSON WHO REQUESTED IT. I forgot about it since I deleted Tumblr because y'know ✨storage✨ and because school is almost ending here and that means more school work. Im so so so so sorry, i hope finally posting the request can make it up to u. . .😔

Kita

He swung open the door, frowning. He isn't tired.

No.

He is exhausted.

The momment he went in your shared apartment, he was met by your crushing hug. Kita sighed, and slightly pushed you off.

"Hi. . ." You breathed out. "How was your day?"

Kita wanted to sarcastically say that it was the best, but he doesn't but to ruin your mood just because he had a very bad day.

"It's fine. . ." He simply said.

You laughed.

"How about let's go watch a movie?" You smiled, as you followed him into the bedroom. "I found a  good one, it's called Ocean's 8!"

You watched as Kita slipped into his pajamas, not really noticing a deep frown on his face.

"It's about a heist, I know you like those," you carefully set the CD on to the player and turned on the TV, smiling when the movie started playing.

You strutted back to the bed and your eyes landed on Kita, who was already laying down on his side of the bed, back turned to you.

"Hey!" You nudged him playfully. "C'mon let's wat—"

"Cut it off!" Kita frowned.

Your smile dropped immediately.

"Stop it okay? God your so fucking annoying," he sighed. "You know sometimes I wish I didn't asked you out. I'll waiting for you to break up with me, I have no problem with that,"

Your eyes teared up. A heavy feeling settled at the bottom of your stomach. The way he didn't stutter and the way he sounds genuine only made it painful.

But he didn't really mean it.

Right?

"I'm sorry," you got off the bed and took out the CD from the player, trying to hide you shaky voice. "I won't bother you anymore,"

He really wished he didn't say that.

But it was too late.

He woke up to you packing your things. Surprised and confused, he slowly got up, waking to you.

"Love, what are you doing?" You froze for a second before continuing to pack your things faster. "Love?"

You went out the bedroom, leaving Kita confused. Memories came flooding back in his head. Slowly but painfully, panic settled him.

You came back in the bedroom to pack up your other things.

"Love," Kita took the bag out of your hands, eyeing the half-empty closet of yours nervously. "Stop,"

"Kita!" You tried to grab the bag back but in your disappointment, he raised it up, out of your reach.

"You used to call me 'Love'," he smiled sadly, his eyes starting to water. "What happened to that?"

You stopped your attempt to get the bag back and stared at him, your own eyes starting to water. He dropped the back and his arms fell in his sides limply.

"You know I didn't mean what I said yesterday right?" He tried so hard to not to cry and tried so hard to keep his composture.

"So tell me. . ."

He let his tears fall.

"Why are you leaving me?" He sobbed out. "Y-you— We promised we won't let each other go!" he screamed, tears falling down continuously, not stopping. "What happened to that?!"

You sobbed and looked at the side, not having the courage to look at him at the eye.

"Don't leave me!" He begged and fell on his knees, head hanging low.

You slowly kneeled down and took his head on your hands, crying because you hated seeing him like this.

"I won't," you smiled, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "I won't, love,"

He sobbed and hugged you, crying onto the crook of your neck.

"Don't do that ever again," he cried, body shaking furiously.

You closed you eyes, smiling as you try to stop your tears.

"I would never,"

"I love you," he sobbed.

More tears fell.

"I love you more," you whispered, hugging him tighter.

Suna

Waking up from your sleep, you turned to the side, trying to feel for the familiar warmth. You opened your eyes, and saw that Suna wasn't actually there.

Again.

Squinting in the dark, you felt for your phone. Pressing the contact, your fingers flew over the letters of the keyboard.

'Where are you?' You sent.

There was no reply.

After 20 minutes of laying back on the bed, your phone lit up again, flashing a notification from your boyfriend.

'I'm coming home,' he replied, yet he didn't answer your question.

After a couple of minutes waiting, the door opened, revealing Suna who looked very tired.

"Where were you?" You asked.

He didn't answer and went in the bathroom. Sighing, you lay down on your bed, scrolling on your phone. Your mind wandered off.

Where would he even go at this late times like this?

A dreadful thought, made your stomach drop.

He isn't cheating, is he?

You shook your head, he wouldn't do that. He would never will because you trust him.

Suna came out of the bathroom, hair wet and droplets falling on the floor.

"You didn't answer my question," you pointed out, back turned to him.

Suna groaned out and lay down on his side if bed, back also turned to you. "Chill, I had a volleyball practice with the twins,"

"At this late time?" You scoffed.

"What do you want me to say?" Suna frowned and turned off the night lamp. "That I'm cheating on you?" There was a rustle as he lay down on the bed. "Y/N, please stop, okay?"

"I never pointed out that you are cheating on me," you said, anger starting to take over you. "You're the one who mentioned it,"

You stayed silent.

"You're probably giving me a hint that you actually are,"

Suna laughed, it wasn't the usual one that he lets out that when you say a cheesy joke, but it sounds like a stressed one, not a genuine laugh.

"See?" He said. "You're suspicious of me. Stop thinking that I'm cheating on you or else I'll actually will,"

"Unless I break up with you before you even can," you spat, you tried to hide your tears but let it out because you realized he won't see you in the dark.

There was a few momments if silence. Not a comfortable one nor the awkward ones but the heart breaking ones because none of you are brave enough to speak out your feelings.

"You're gonna leave me?"

You tried to stay still to pretend you were sleeping, but it didn't work because you were already shaking from holding your sobs.

"Please don't," he softly said, there was a waver in his voice, and you know, you just know he was already crying.

"I love you, you know that," he said, he turned around a hugged you from your behind, spooning you. "So I'm begging you. . ."

"Don't leave me," he whispered, sobbing afterwards. Suna wasn't the type to cry infront of others and the type to try not to cry infront of you. You turned around, kissing his forehead and wiping his tears.

"You don't need to tell me that," you smiled, tears still falling as you pressing your cheek on his chest. "I won't do that anyways,"

"I love you," he croaked out.

"Shut up, I love you more,"

Requests are closed for a while because I can't risk one to be hanging for a long time like that. Once school is over, I'll open it again.

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[06isa22]

Late night Shinso headcanons

Just a few headcanons about what sleepy boi #2 does while he can’t sleep cause you know your boi has free time with the amount of sleep he isn’t getting

Boy he has done a lot in this free time, he probably has tried a lot of things to try and get to sleep

Has tried essential oils, white noise, tea, warm milk, calming music, boring himself to sleep, has probably even tried ASMR

Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t, spoiler alert it doesn’t work most of the time

He scrolls the internet and now has random knowledge in his head (Like how it’s illegal to own more then 6 *cough* Dildos *Cough* in Texas)

Also like Denki he finds memes and dark humor more funny

Probably had TikTok at some point and he just didn’t like it so he deleted it

He strikes me as someone who has tumblr and is part of so many fandoms just because of the amount of times he’s binged shows and read 

He probably can go a two or three days without sleeping before he sleeps for 12 hours 

During the time he doesn’t sleep he does homework and probably extra work/works ahead because whenever he knocks out he’s dead to the world

Back to the late nights, I do believe just out of boredom he does read x reader to some character he relates to, probably only fluff though

Has been to the deepest sides of the internet, his YouTube recommended page is a mix of Cat videos and other random things

Speaking of which he probably has random granola bars and water bottles in his room to which he will snack on around 1am

around 5am if he still hasn’t fallen asleep he will go out on a run because he wants to be a hero and he’s got to keep up

Probably has a stack of books somewhere in his room, yes he has read them all and yes he has another stack somewhere else of books he’s planned to read/is reading but doesn’t wanna finish yet

He most likely is super productive during the night just because no ones awake to bother him so he’ll have some music in the background while he’s productive

I don’t think his room is super messy but after awhile it’ll just build up and at 2am he just goes on a cleaning spree and would you look at that it’s cleaned

He has candles in his room and dang do those go by fast  

Ya boi has tons of soft blankets and pillows, his bed is amazing (he wants it comfy to increase chances of sleep)

Has a fan in his room to keep it cold and whenever he gets bored during the night he probably puts random things on it

3am to 4am are the hours he picks up new things, boy now knows how to make origami boxes in 4 different ways

Has painted his nails (black in case you were wondering) around 11pm right before he slept for 16 hours (luckily it was a Friday) woke up and was very confused

Has done face masks, he doesn’t hate them (this was around 12am) he wanted to see if the helped with his eye bags

[epcot-anthony]

ok since I need to invest my time in something Janthony other than the Anthony scandal because it’s still causing me anxiety here’s some reasons why and why not I think Jasmine is pregnant

Reasons why

new wardrobe that is noticeably looser than her previous clothes that she’s just now started wearing

^^^the above is significant because while she didn’t wear loose clothes very soon after coming back from budapest it’s rather recent. and if we’re going off of emmy’s night she’d be a little over 3 months pregnant (or 12 weeks) and on average first time moms usually start to show between 12-16 weeks. however I would guess she’ll start showing showing second tri if/when she’s pregnant mostly because if her height and body type

they’ve been providing less content and if u look closely almost every single picture she has posted in the past month has had something covering her midsection or the picture has been taken from the waist up. the exceptions including the beach pictures (in which she’s wearing noticeably looser clothing than she has in the past.) Looking at the pictures of her in the blind spotting pictures (where she has the braids i don’t remember what they’re called i’m sorry) her whole body is pictures BUT if you’ve seen meghan trainers pregnancy reveal she was 7 1/2 weeks pregnant and no one knew until her reveal because of the angles and clothes she used to hide it. (check her instagram or tiktok to see) so it’s possible to hide a pregnancy from the front, especially when you’re curvy which they both are.

Reasons why not:

realistically if she were to be pregnant I honestly doubt it would be from emmy’s night. mostly because they were both obviously exhausted, emotional and I can’t imagine the chances of them getting pregnant from that one encounter are very high

it’s always possible that she’s been pregnant for a shorter amount of time or even a little longer. but probably not by much since if it was much longer she likely would have been showing when she did her online concert (maybe i don’t know much about pregnant women or pregnancy in general.)

In the live with Jaylen she’s wearing a pretty usual outfit (the yellow crop top and black jeans) and we see a pretty clear side view with no noticeable bump, again though it’s possible this happened later than emmy night (if it’s happened at all) so she could be only a month or so and be buying loose clothes now so people don’t get suspicious later on

Thé consensus: I’d say it’s about a 75/25 or 80/20 chance that she’s pregnant. the deleting of that one black and white post was odd, and the change in wardrobe definitely makes me wonder buts it’s also possible she just wanted to try something new

Omg an entire analysis! All of these are wonderful points!! I may be wrong, but wouldn’t it be a bit more than 3 months if it was a Budapest baby? Maybe 4? Idk this month has also felt so long so I may just be confused lol. But I will say that an Emmys night baby isnt as possible, but I don’t agree that it’s impossible (like, that they weren’t doing anything). She left the next day I think, so I think *something* probablyyy at least occurred that day because they were about to be long distance for so long. But it is a good point that it would be very random for it to happen really at all right now. Very good points though!! We love an analysis!

[fcmilylovedarchive]

@naturesloopholed​ said:  VENT AWAY! I MUST KNOW MORE!

in regards to my tags: #an elijah edit on tiktok just inspired great rage in me for elijah dying in the end of TO#i mean the edit itself was good#but it had the Scene#and listen i can explain why his ending is massive bullshit (and lazy writing) but until then i will scream 

so this is for anyone interested in reading why the fuck elijah should not have died in the end of the originals fgishdfguih coming from a writing perspective and also from an elijah fan. also dear god do not let this into the tags pleaSE FOR THE LOVE OF MY SANITY

basically it’s lazy writing. elijah’s character arc right from season one should have been realising that hey, he can live his life for himself too. and we were getting hints of that through seasons 2-3, and even in the start of season 4.

season 2 started to show him that no matter what he did, he couldn’t help klaus if klaus didn’t want to be helped, and klaus proved that by killing gia just to punish elijah. season 3 showed elijah pissed as hell with klaus, and not so easily moving past it (and i headcanon that he didn’t move past it. he just shoved it down) plus when finn came back and elijah realised the utter hell that finn went through and even called it a ‘betrayal’ (eg, they betrayed finn). now that really should have been the start of some deep inner thinking of elijah, but the show really just brushed past that. in season 4, rebekah asks elijah what he’s going to do now his mission is over and he has no clue. later, he says to hayley that they can have a life together. their own place. (with jean shorts and flipflops)

BUT THEN, later in s4 things start to go to shit. elijah gets his memories erased (which is another headcanon for why that’s a load of shit) which is lazy writing to not have to deal with his mind getting shattered. S5 for elijah is basically ‘let’s make this character depressed enough to kill himself’ and no one can change my mind. 

So my ideal ending would have no deaths BUT if I’m keeping to the general plot of S5 and how they had to die to kill the hollow (which 100% counteracts what it says in s4 if a host dies the hollow just body jumps), then it would have been just klaus making that sacrifice, which is an end to his character development that would show how he DID change to make that sacrifice for his daughter. He wouldn’t have let Elijah die with him, because he’d know that his brother has a whole life to live for himself. Elijah would promise to look after Hope (which would be a way of ‘redeeming’ himself in his own eyes for ‘his’ actions against Hayley which actually wasn’t his fault but he beleives it is anywaaaay) and he’d be there for the rest of his siblings too, so in his eyes he still sees himself with a mission (look after hope & his siblings) so he doesn’t feel like his only option is fucking killing himself, while having the chance to live life for himself too.

But at some point along the way, the Originals became the Klaus Mikaelson Show. Which don’t get me wrong, I like Klaus! But literally from some point on, the characters only existed for Klaus’s story. After the Red Door (which kinda disappeared quickly) Elijah never really got his own plot for himself. S3 TRIED with the Strix, and Aya and Tristan - but like nearly all of those scenes got deleted. S4 had his mind being shattered, which is an interesting plot idea but they also literally did NOTHING with that. erasing his memories was a cop out to just avoid dealing with the aftermath of that. S5′s erased memory plot really had nothing to do with Elijah, and more for making Elijah into the ‘bad brother’ to make Klaus look better.

And that’s not even touching on the other characters. Rebekah never had a plot for herself, it was either about Marcel or Klaus. Freya never had a plot for herself post s2. Kol is literally all about Davina. Weirdly, it’s like Finn is the only Mikaelson other than Klaus who had his own plot but even then, it went no where.

[irarelypostanything]

Unnecessary Arguments - Breaking up the FAANG Companies like Facebook

Person #1: Let’s just agree on one thing - Facebook is trash and will lead to the end of society. Facebook content is trash. Facebook ads are trash. The algorithm is trash, everything about it is horrible, and we would all be better suited torching it and starting over

Person #2: You know that we post these on Facebook, right?

Person #1: Speaking of trash, Instagram is also trash. I look forward to seeing the government put its foot down and tell these tech companies that they can’t take control of the world without consequence. This is unregulated capitalism. This is the reason we have things like the horrific treatment of factory workers at the hands of Apple, or the atrocities committed in the Amazon warehouses

Person #2: Do you actually dislike any of these tech companies, or are you just jealous that you came nowhere close to getting job offers from them?

Person #1: I have always advocated for collections of large open source communities. Let’s do away with these large corporations

Person #2: You mean like Google, the company that has arguably done more for the open source community than any other tech company?

Person #1: That’s completely untrue

Person #2: And how much of an idiot are you? Seriously. All you had to do on that Amazon challenge was use the string find function. Check to see if you get npos. And for the love of everything holy, why did you think it was a good idea to use an array of size one billion instead of the standard unordered map?

Person #1: I was implementing my own unordered map

Person #2: That’s like asking a staff member to please grab you 1000 whiteboard markers during the interview, then throwing 999 away in front of him. But let’s be completely honest here. Do you use Google, Amazon, and Facebook?

Person #1: Yeah, because I have no choice

Person #2: What do you mean? You absolutely have a choice. Delete Facebook. I dare you

Person #1: Ugh

Person #2: Yeah, you can’t. Because they’re the best. At the end of the day, and this is an argument you will never win, they have the best products. We use Google because the most searched result on Bing is how to delete Bing. We use Facebook because myspace was a massive pile of garbage. If we demand that these companies produce lower quality products, then Silicon Valley will no longer be Silicon Valley. Another country, perhaps China, will emerge as the new tech giant. Can you imagine a world where the most popular form of social media is TikTok? TikTok is the worst thing to come out of China since-

Person #1: DON’T SAY IT

Person #2: ...I was about to say “The Great Wall,” starring Matt Damon

Person #1: It wasn’t even bad

Person #2: And what about all the good they’ve done? Google, granting access to all the world’s knowledge thanks to a constantly evolving set of search algorithms. Apple, with its improving hardware. Amazon, with its-

Person #1: Amazon, with its rapid conquest for world supremacy. Amazon doesn’t just deliver the products anymore, it strives to be all the products. Did you know that 13% of their revenue is from AWS? 33% of all cloud is on AWS. So now we have these Amazon foot soldiers who control our goods, our means of production, our delivery, our network infrastructure, and pretty soon our media and our banking

Person #2: I don’t know what you’re talking about with the last one

Person #1: You will soon. An investigation uncovered a private email Zuckerberg sent to his team, describing Instagram as a serious threat that needed to be neutralized

Person #2: I’ve heard that, and I don’t see how it’s damning. Shortly before he died, Steve Jobs asked the Dropbox founder to sell the company. When he refused, Jobs said he would destroy him

Person #1: Case in point

Person #2: No, that’s just how business works. You have a big company. Some smaller company emerges and tries to cut into your market. So you eliminate them

Person #1: Sounds pretty evil to me

Person #2: It’s kind of funny...I’m getting Microsoft vibes from this. Why is Microsoft not part of FAANG? Oh, that’s right, because it’s a BS term that has more to do with the stock market than REAL value

Person #1: Wut

Person #2: The government couldn’t stop Microsoft then because they had no case

Person #1: They couldn’t stop Microsoft then because tech companies are now, in this horrible dystopia we’ve allowed to come into being, more powerful than the government. Democrats hate FAANG companies because they’re such large entities. Republicans hate FAANG companies because they censor the truth

Person #2: What do you mean “censor the truth”?

Person #1: Type “What percent of Trump supporters are racist” into google. It will instantly give you back 50%

Person #2: No it won’t

Person #1: Really? Huh. It used to

Person #2: No it didn’t. And tech companies are just that...Facebook isn’t the news. If you get 100% of your news on Facebook, you deserve to believe that Epstein didn’t kill himself

Person #1: Epstein definitely didn’t...okay I’m not touching that one. You may think this is all a joke now, while there are still little start-ups and such. Not for long. These tech companies will buy out the world like the titans leaving the confines of the walls

Person #2: Did you just make a reference to...stop, I haven’t watched any of the new seasons yet. But if I bend down to your level and use the reference, why not just let the titans fight it out?

Person #1: Google tried to do that with Google+

Person #2: What’s Google+?

Person #1: Exactly

Person #2: Have you seen the Facebook campus? I didn’t even really want to go, I was in a bad mood that day...and it lifted my spirits. All-you-can-eat buffet. The campus is modeled after Disneyland. they had their own ice cream parlor...like, just kind of had this 9-5 ice cream parlor employees could go to whenever they wanted with its own hired staff

Person #1: Stop making it sound like I’m jealous

Person #2: You suck at Leetcode. I get it. Well there’s this book called “Cracking the Coding Interview,” you should definitely check it out instead of just complaining that we should destroy the companies that don’t hire you

Person #1: Enough with your personal attacks

Person #2: You’re right. I want to watch that new Netflix original about that talking panda with a drinking problem

Person #1: See? See what’s happened? Tech is in so many places we’ve forgotten what the Internet is supposed to be about

Person #2: Fine...what is the Internet supposed to be about?

Person #1: Free speech! Free information

Person #2: Well it’s succeeded at that. And it’s only going to get better from here

Person #1: The nightmare is just beginning and the only hope we have is that these lawsuits against Facebook and Google will go through

Person #2: I’ll be sure to Google what you’re talking about later

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you sit on the couch or the floor? I’d definitely choose the couch over the floor. 

How many different colleges have you gone to? Two-- a community college and a UC. How much stress can you handle? It doesn’t take much at all before I get overwhelmed.

What is something you have to do before you go to sleep every night? I like to listen to ASMR. 

How confident are you in achieving your dreams? Sigh. I’m a mess. I don’t even really have any dreams I want to achieve right now. I don’t have the motivation or the energy. I don’t have any confidence in myself. I really need to get my shit together.

What is one thing you thought you’d never do but have done or are doing? I didn’t think I’d end up like this. I didn’t have a definite plan with what I wanted to do after college, but I can assure you this wasn’t it.

Have you ever disowned a friend or family member for their beliefs? No.

At what point in your life do you think you will be truly happy? I don’t know. :(

Do you ever make pictures or shapes out of the markings in the ceiling? I did that as a kid sometimes.

Do you ever feel like your life is too boring or predictable? It most definitely is.

Do you really think money will buy your, or anyone else’s, happiness? It can certainly help. I think it could bring some happiness, like happy moments and things that bring joy, but it wouldn’t cure my depression and the other stuff I’m dealing with. It wouldn’t just go away. At the end of the day, I’d still be left with those things. The thoughts and feelings would still be there. Those feelings and thoughts hit me in the middle of doing something I like or if I’m having a good time now and I don’t see that changing if I became financially better off. 

Is shopping a form of therapy for you? No.

Do you have to take medication for any mental illness? I’m not currently taking anything for it.

Do you believe it is possible for someone to change? Yes, of course. 

What is your favorite food to snack on when watching t.v.? I’m not a big snacker, but lately I have been into sourdough bread and spinach and artichoke dip.

Do you like looking at pictures? Yeah.

Have you ever set 2 people up and it actually worked out? It did for a little while.

Are you good at persuading? Uhh. Depends.

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? I’m not super into them for myself, but I think they can be cool.

Do you care what people think? Yes and no. Not as much as I used to. I wish it was because I’m now this happy and confident person, but no. 

How many dirty looks have you received today? None.

If a loved one who’d died showed up at your door, what would you do? Uh, I’d be scared and freaked out to say the least and extremely confused. I honestly don’t know what I would do or say. I think it’d be a roller coaster of emotions. If it really were them then I’d be overwhelmed and cry and want to hug them and talk to them and omg I’d be a mess. It would feel so surreal. I’d also have a lot of questions.

Do you believe the dead can have connections with the living? I like to believe they give us little signs.

How many times have you looked at a picture and wished you were there? Many times.

And your name is? Stephanie.

How do you like your coffee? With flavored creamer or cream and sugar.

Do you have a job? If so, what do you do? No.

If unemployed, what do you do to keep yourself busy? My days consist of rest, social media, TV, YouTube, Tumblr, reading, playing Animal Crossing, surveys, and spending time with family.

Top 3 favorite foods, go: Wingstop’s garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings, ramen, and breakfast sandwiches.

What does the person who texted you last mean to you? My mom means everything to me.

How do you feel about polyamory? Not something I would be okay with.

When did you last have sex? Was it good? Never.

Which apps on your phone do you use the most? YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, and Kindle.

Do you go through phases when it comes to music genres, or are you pretty consistent in what you listen to? I’m consistent. 

Does death scare you? Yes.

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be? I’d have good health, mentally and physically.

Which family member do you get along with the most? My mom and brother..

Do you like horror movies? Why or why not? Yesss. 

Do you play video games? If so, what are some of your favorites? I’ve been playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons for the past year.

How often do you eat fast food? Quite often.

Do you like sushi? Nooo.

Would you ever be able to become a vegan? No.

How often do you drink alcohol? I don’t. I haven’t drank going on 8 years now.

What was your favorite toy as a child? I was obsessed with Barbies.

Who was your first best friend? What is your favorite memory of/with them? Are you two still friends? These two girls, Crystal and Starr, in preschool. I remember they came to my birthday party at Chuck E Cheese; that was fun. No, we lost touch after preschool. 

If you could see anyone in concert, living or dead, who would it be? I wish I could have seen Linkin Park with Chester. :(

If you were to get married, would you rather have a big extravagant wedding or a small private affair? Explain your answer. I don’t plan on getting married. I really just don’t see it in the cards for me.

Do you want kids? Why or why not? No.

How did you meet your newest friend? I don’t have any friends.

Have you ever watched the show Teen Mom? What did you think about it? Yeah, I watch Teen Mom OG and Teen Mom 2.

Are you old enough to remember MySpace? Yeah, of course. I’m old.

Where is the boy you want most? There isn’t one.

Where will you be 2 hours from now? Right here.

How old is the last person you kissed? He just turned 30.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? My brother.

Can you make yourself sneeze? No. Tilting my head back and looking at a bright light doesn’t seem to work for me.

What is your current mood? Blah.

What are you doing tomorrow? Same stuff, different day.

Who was the last person to sleep in your bed besides yourself? I’m the only one.

Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? Not at this time, no.

Where were you at 9am this morning? I was in bed, asleep.

Whose bedroom were you in last? I’m in mine. Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? I don’t want to have kids.

Do you talk to the person you like everyday? I’m not interested in anyone right now.

Do you have trouble deleting your text messages? I’ve never had a reason to delete them.

Is there something that you haven’t told anyone that you actually would like to tell someone? Ehhhh.

Would you rather rent or buy movies? I like watching them through a streaming service.

What is the best part of your own body? Nothing.

Would you rather watch a full season of American Idol, or So You Think You Can Dance? American Idol, I guess.

Do you like to take walks? No.

Have you ever gone anywhere for spring break? Yeah, my former best friend and I took a few small trips.

Do you worry a lot? Yeppp.

Would you rather have big or small dogs? Medium dog.

Do you mind being cold? I much prefer it to being hot. I like wrapping up in a blanket or lounging around in a sweatshirt or drinking a warm drink.

What is your favorite sports drink? I don’t drink any sports drinks.

Do you keep a diary or journal (offline or online)? This is it.

What is your favorite candy? White chocolate.

Do you document everything in pictures? Not everything, but I do like taking pictures of things I want to remember and having those memories.

Have you ever waited for something for so long and then had it snatched from right underneath you when it seemed so close to grasp? Yes.

Choose one: being able to teleport yourself anywhere in the world at any given time or being able to fly? Teleport, hands down.

Do you feel more comfortable in public wearing jeans or sweatpants? I’m a leggings gal.

What is something that most people wouldn’t know about you from simply looking at you? I take surveys. <<< Ha, true.

Do you fear growing older? Yes.

Have you ever been called a tease? Yes and I was like wtf? I wasn’t the one leading them on or playing with their emotions like they were. 

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see or hear it? Yeah, many things like that with different people.

Do you trust all of your friends? I don’t have any friends.

Does The X-Files theme song give you the goosebumps? It did when I was a kid.

Have you ever taken the batteries out of a Ferbie only to have it come alive in the middle of the night? Omg, that did happen once! Those things were freaky.

Don't you find those black cat clocks with the moving eyes and tail just a little creepy? lol yeah they kinda are.

When things get bad, are you more likely to blame yourself or somebody else? Myself. 

Are most of your friends' biological parents married or divorced? Do you remember those commercials that scared kids into not playing around railroad tracks? No?

Do you ever wish your life was a sitcom, just so all your problems could be solved in thirty minutes? That would be nice.

Have you ever noticed how different everybody's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd bases are? I feel like it’s the same general idea.

Do you tend to set yourself up for disappointment? I’m always expecting the worst case scenarios, so.

Would you ever call a guy back and say, "Oh, sorry. I was taking a hot shower"? No.

Who do you get most of relationship advice from: guys or girls? I used to get it from both. Although, oddly, I was the one people came to for relationship more often and I had none.

Have you ever put your all into someone and got nothing back? Yes.

Do you think that you, personally, have been more shaped by experiences or by people? Experiences.

Do people ever make fun of your religion or lack thereof? Not to me, personally, but yes people do make fun of Christianity.

Have you ever put the television on mute and tried dubbing in new dialogue? No.

Do you say/do things a lot for shock effect? No.

If you were in an iPod commercial, what would you want your background color to be? They don’t make those commercials anymore, but rose gold.

What was the last compliment you gave a guy? I don't know.

Do you usually follow your head, instincts, or heart more? They all play a role, it just depends. I suppose my emotions do probably play a bigger role.

Where do you spend most of your waking time at home? In my room.

Does your jaw ever crack, pop, or lock? It pops sometimes.

With just your life, are you more optimistic, realistic, or pessimistic? Definitely pessimistic.

Is it hard for you to ask for help? Yes.

Have you ever thought of how you would give your kids "the talk"? No. I don’t want to have kids.

Do you ever feel like you're missing out on something? Yeah, life.

Is your high school ANYTHING like the ones in the movies? My high school experience was nothing like that, but I feared it would be going in. Movies never paint high school in a good light.

Are you going to be totally screwed if pigs start flying tomorrow? I don’t recall ever really saying I’d do something if pigs fly or anything like that. I don’t think...

Have you ever finished taking a shower and realize that there are no dry towels? I always grab a towel beforehand.

Do you love listening to sad piano solos? Sometimes.

Was one of your grandpas in a war? My paternal grandpa was.

Did you ever actually try to find the end of a rainbow? As a kid, I’m sure.

Are you afraid of jinxing things? Sometimes. 

Do you ever write/draw on windows that are fogged up? I did that as a kid.

If you were married, and your spouse's parents became ill, would you let them move into your home? I’m very close with my family so I would certainly understand and would want to do what we could to help. 

Have you screamed in a pillow before? For sure.

If a guy put his jacket on a puddle for you, would you actually walk on it or just look at him like he was crazy? lol aww I would be like you really didn’t have to do that now your jacket is all wet and dirty. We can just go around. I’m in a wheelchair, so that wouldn’t do much good anyway lol.

Would any of your friends dress up like a cow for a free chicken sandwich from Chikfila?

What do you like more, acoustic or electric? Acoustic.

Have you ever ordered something off a commercial on television? Nope.

What do you notice more, somebody's eyes or smile? Smile.

Did you actually have a cookie jar? We did when I was little.

Have you ever put on a shirt that came straight out of the dryer? Yessss. I love that.

Sometimes, does it feel like your life isn't going anywhere? That’s exactly how I’ve felt these past few years.

You've reach a fork in the road, do you go left or right? Hm. Right.

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them? Not flat out ignore, but I become distant and short. I don’t initiate conversation with them.

What's worse, having someone mad or disappointed in you? Disappointed, definitely.

Have you ever gotten up early the next morning to do homework or study? Yes, but I usually just stayed up late and finished instead. I didn’t want to risk waking up late or running out of time and stressing about it.

Do you still consider Pluto a planet? I always still include it. 

Right now, are you at a high, leveled, or low point? “And I’m at an all time low low low low low low low....”

When things go from bad to worse, have you ever been afraid of what kind of person you would be when it was all over? These past few years have made be become someone I absolutely do not want to be. :/

Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait? It can for some. Sometimes it seems like people are really just handed stuff with minimal to no effort, but generally speaking you have to work at it. I don’t think you can just sit around waiting, you have to get up and do it. And that’s something I need to do. I go on about how each year nothing changes and I’m worried about wasting away and doing nothing with my life, but I am doing anything to try and change that? Am I taking any steps? 

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? I’m always biting my lips. I pick at my nails constantly, but I don’t bite them.

Have you ever wanted to fast forward your life so you could see if it was worth it? Sometimes, but I’d be afraid to actually do that if given the chance.

Do you think that knowing when and how you're going to die would ruin your life? I really don’t want to know.

Did you ever feel bad for Tom and Sylvester? Jerry and Tweety did often tease and provoke. You can’t help but feel kinda bad for Tom and Sylvester sometimes. 

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 9

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 241: Shit day at work. To cut a long story short, I could complete a task Sueanne gave to me and then I got it in the ear, including a snotty email ay 5:40pm. Pissed off.

Day 242: Had a meeting with Sueanne (our weekly 1-2-1 actually) and she was alright. I feel much better tonight. Last night I didn’t even have an appetitie - unheard of! Going to make up for that tonight, pie and loads of veg! A much better day. Ridiculously, I believe yesterday was all my own fault - I take work for granted sometimes and I let myself down by ignoring the urgency of a task just because it was Sueanne asking me to do it and she was a peer. She is now my boss, and I should respect that.

Day 243: So-so day at work. It’s strange how used to work I am after over six months on furlough. It’s been less than two months back but all the highs and lows amd frustrations are commonplace. Most importantly, it being Thursday, I cannot wait for tomorrow eveninga dn to kick back, drink and smoke. Spoke to dad this morning, he’s same as...that’s always good to know. Sugar levels have been a fucking roller coaster today, and it has really fucked me off! No salad at lunch due to them being so fucking high when I got back from my walk. It ended up being my tea. Sarted watching The Undoing...it’s OK. 

Day 244: Glad it is Friday. Just cooking a (very hot) chicken madras, cracked open my first beer. Gonna eat, drink, smoke and watch a good film.

Day 245: Gold was the film I watched last night, with Matthew McConaughey and it was a good choice. I then watch a Kevin Hart stand up show on Netflix...very Eddie Murphy, very funny. I did a 12 km walk today...fucking felt it in my legs. Walked the footpath from Stoke Doyle road to Benefield road for the first time. I liked it and it comes out between Lytham Park and Wakerley Close....I posted on FB about the fact that when I move to Oundle, Clifton Drive was the last street heading out of town. Saw Becks on the walk down Benefield road, She mentioned she’s tired of lockdown. I replied that I’m tired of the virus!

Day 246: Up at 1pm, nice long walk, ordered new slippers and waterproof jacket (my Craghopper is bust again).

Day 247: I screwed up at work today, went for a (ridiculously) late lunch right when I was meant to be at an online meeting that Sueanne had reminded me about in the morning. There’s mitigation but, when push comes to shove, I fucked up and now Sueanne’s on the warpath - one more slip up and it’ll be an offical disciplinary matter. 

Day 248: Suzanne wants me to troubleshoot a ticket she has in her queue, some database request for a Cork guy. It’s a test and it’s fucking me off.

I did testing for a network change tonight...8 till 11:15pm.

Elliot and Aaron cleaned the windows today. It was nice to see them.

Rita sent a couple of emails recently. Dad’s ear is all clear but Paul has got testicular cancer.

Day 249: New waterproof jacket arrived today. It’s very nice, bargain for £25 odd. Also picked up slippers from M&S food hall in Corby so, while over their, did a shop at Tesco’s...£109 mainly booze.

By the time I was back, I ended up doing my evening walk at 9.30pm!

Day 250: Leigh from Oundle Chronicle has got back to me. She (he?) has selected the photos that are going to be in the article and wants me to write a sentence on each - where they were taken and what inspited me to do so. Whether that means the stuff I wrote before is not going to be used, or not, I dunno! New slippers are OK and the new jacket is still impressing me.

Day 251: Typing on Day 252. Usual Friday, beers, meatballs, pizza, long chat with Fog. I should mention that, as we approach the end of Lockdown2 in England, Boris and his government have laid out a three tier structure for how the second lockdown will be eased. It’s caused confusion and consternation across the board. None of it affects me, still isolating like I was on day 1. Day 252: Totally forgot about my diary entry yesterday! Up at 1pm, nice long walk, nipped rong Elliots to pay for my windows, had a chat with him, Artron and Camilla - it’s so nice to socialise! Gonna make fish pie and supp a few ales. Day 253: The weekend is over way too quickly. It’s 7.30pm on Sunday as I type and I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was 7.30pm on Friday. Day 254: In a meeting, a working Zoom, with Andy Ashler in the US re: qfiniti, which Sueanne pissed me off about earlier in te day (RCI diary updated), but the meeting went well. I am desparately trying to buy an iPad on Black Monday. As usual with tech, I cannot make my mind up which to buy! Day 255: I haven’t bought an iPad....I’ll wait for the 10.2″ iPad to come down in price. I had more involvement with Andy Ashler and in the US with the Qfiniti project at work. I’m really enjoying it, it’s very technical...although I didn’t finish ‘til 6pm because of it. The Oundle Chronicle is out and an article about me and my pics is on the back page. Leigh, the editor, sent it to me electronically. It’s good. I am chuffed!  Day 256: I booked some holidays today, making sure that I didn’t include any days off in the week December 14-18 (SB’s off). So, this coming Friday (4th Dec), Next Weds-Fri and Monday 21st. I know I have only been back from Furlough a couple of months but I am more than ready for some kick-back time.  1-2-1 with SB today, it was a relaxed affair, most espcially becaus eof my success thus far with the Qfiniti project - that being said, I got pretty much nowhere with it today.  Ordered a couple of long sleeved Ts and a fleeced hoody from a shop called Doubletwo today, well cheap in the sale. I saw half a dozen joggers on the Milton Road blind bend tonight, oblivious to any other potential path user. I posted about it (in my own, sarcastic way) on the Oundle Chatter FB group. It was met how I’d expected plus some direct digs so I deleted it. Cowardly but, I figure, I don’t get my point across, the vast majority of joggers really don’t think they are doing anything wrong by bulldozing there way around town and, lastly, I couldn’t be bothered with the flak, and its tennis like back-and-forth!

Day 257: Got tomorrow off so worked late tying up loose ends, including the qfiniti project - fucking nuts really, making sure no one asks any questions of SB or the team, in terms of my work load, for just one day off! Still, just had tea, cracked open a beer and am watching Shaun of the Dead. Nice.

Day 258: The main thing I did today is walk. It was about 12km but felt much longer ‘cos it was wintry, pissing down, windy and slippery as fuck. And I really enjoyed it! Badge messaged me today to ask how I am and, in replying, I mentioned that I think I am becoming addicted to walking...it wasn’t a throwaway comment. Just cooked up a chilli (which I think I have ruined with a Knorr beef stock pot), and will tuck in with beers, smokes and telly. While it’s been a day off, this Friday evening will be as all others are at the moment, late, drunken and solitary fun - no doubt.

Day 259: Typing on day 260. That chilli last night was actually OK. Plus I ‘invented’ a meatball wrap - moving on from the TikTok ham and cheese wrap you fold into the toaster, I tried the same with meatballs but no fucking way could I fold it into the toaster slot (pissed up kitchen shenanigans), so I wrapped it in tin foil and heated it in the oven, Fucking delicious. I watched Shaun of the Dead. I think it’s the first time since its release and I couldn’t help thinking “zombies just aren’t like that [in real life]” Wtf?

Day 260: I was quite sensible (for a Saturday) last night, in bed by 2am, up at my alarm this morning, 10:30am. Nice long walk, taking in a new path up by Biggin Grange and took plenty of pics that turned out really good. Btw, posh lost yesterday at Portsmouth (with 2000 fans there) and they lost midweek and last weekend in the FA Cup to Chorley, at home. 

Day 261: It’s freezing today...actually 0 degrees. This house is so fucking cold, even with the heating on.

Day 262: Typing on day 263. Last day of work for 5 days. Beers are in order. And a sausage casserole. Day 263: I completely forgot to do a diary entry yesterday....concentrating on starting my work break off on the right foot, which I did. As a result, I didn’t get up until 1pm. So, to stop that sort of day wasting, no beers tonight. Just got back from a shop (£90 in Tesco’s), trying to sort out Romiley’s Christmas present, then something to eat (more sausage casserole) and a early, sober night.

Day 264: So, after abstinence last night, I was up before 11am and did a walk that included the track from Benefield Road to Monson Way past Park Wood. It was fucking hard work due to mud. I have lost coumd the amount of times I nearly slipped right over. Throw into that a hypo, the 12-13km walk was tough. Sorted out Romiley’s present (guitar stand, music stand and guitar exercises book). Took soime nice photos today as well which I’ve prepared and shared. No booze today/tonight either. Some break, a younger me would say!

Day 265: Friday, and I am typing with a beer, balti on the hob and I am just gonna choose a film and roll a single skinner. I am knackered. Up at 10am, cleaned the hall and stairs after a 10km walk. Also, I spoke with dad who is, as always, fine.

Time to make up for the last two sober nights.

Day 266: I am typing this on day 267. So drunk last night I left nearll a full can of beer and went to bed in my jogging bottoms and t-shirt. I have had a day off from any exercise at all which felt very odd. A few beers and watched Snatch. Day 267: While I was nowhere near drunk last night, due to sleeping in late (2pm) I was up ‘til 3am watching TikTok so today I struggled out of bed at just before 1pm. Watch the start of the season’s final GP (Verstappen won from pole and it was boring af), back on the exercising including a 9km walk. Back to work tomorrow which I feel totally conflicted about! Posh won yesterday at home to Rochdale (with the allowed 2000 fans) 4-1 including a 17 minute first half hatrick from Jonson Clarke-Harris.

Day 268: Back to work - Sueanne’s off and it’s the first day I’ve been at work with Jon in charge which involves a daily ‘SUMO’ (whatever that acronym stands for?) at 9.30am every day. I am still involved with te qfiniti upgrade project which seems to have taken a step backwards in the 3 days I had off, so I was working until gone 9.30pm! I have decided to do a quiz, hopefully for Christmas, whereby I don’t want the actual answers (to 25 particular questions, all with a common theme in the answer), merely an omitted question!  

Day 269: Stand Up Meeting Online. SUMO. Ian Bird told me. I might struggle with double Y for my quiz. Work was OK, more Qfiniti stuff. Posh drew away to MK 1-1. Posh were 0-1 up but Lincs lost at home. I can’t undertsand why that pleases me so....oh, yeah I can Steve Dee.

Day 270: Struggling to order Dad and Rita booze for Christmas without it being a Morrison’s delivery that I can do through Amazon Prime. That would be OK but it’s just a bit clinical! Meanwhile, now I am paying for Prime, and they are showing some Premiership games (for example, tonight I watched Liverpool v. Spurs (2-1), I really have to contact Sky - I am paying £71pm atm! Sam posted pic of her Christmas tree but mentioned how she’s finding it hard to get in the spirit - Paul has testicular cancer and the outlook is bleak - fuck know’s what she’s going through with all that, trying to shield Romiley from the worst without lying!

[0rionz-belt]

...i'm going to film a few tiktoks before time is up.

i want to remake some of the first videos i've ever done first. i'll do my makeup better. i'll use it as a comparison.

then i'll move on to finishing one of my first ever drafts. i'll use it to compare makeup, lighting, and movements from when the first part was filmed and the stuff that will be recorded today.

then i'll try to remake some of my favorite videos. just for fun and nostalgia.

i'll post my goodbye and give the usernames to my other social media.

then i post every single fucking draft wether it's good or not and set it as a private video.

...

i find a spare usb drive. log on on my computer and i find every possible way to archive my stuff on to the usb drive.

i started tiktok during the summer before my first year of high school. it was called "Musical.ly" and was all the rage. i thought it was dumb. but i got it anyways because the friend i had made over the summer said it was the only social media she had and i wanted to keep contact with her. i set up an account under the user name "Not_a_ssnake" and followed her. she deleted her account a few months after and i hadn't seen her since. i made videos with Be More Chill and hamilton audios. i did one after taking my passport photo. i did one while at a practice for my rock band. i did one while on my way to a concert for concert band.

after my first semester of high school, i hit a low point in my life. it was the first time since 5th grade that i wasn't drawing almost every single day. i was sad. i stopped drawing entirely and lost that hobby. i cried myself to sleep at least once a week, and cried during the day even more so. i hurt myself. i turned into a toxic person. i didn't know how to handle my stress from band and school and theater while also balancing my emotions from realizing that my friends were talking to me less and that i had no motivation to do art and that i finally realized i was not straight and that i had been diagnosed with ADHD years ago and only just found out that year. i was turning into a sad empty shell of the person i used to be with only anger towards people who didn't deserve to be hated. this went on for two years.

so what did i do?

I turned to tiktok and did what i could. I learned how to do makeup. i learned camera transitions and how to move in a video being filmed with -2x the normal speed. i learned how to show more emotion on my face. i learned how cosplay. i learned how to make funny videos. i learned how to edit.

i found every way i could to use what little creativity i had in those two years to make something out of the nothing that i was. i didn't get a lot of views, likes, or followers, but i kept going. i would spend hours on 1 video or a few minutes on multiple, wether some of that time was on filming or on costume or makeup or just finding what i wanted to do with the video. i wanted to prove there was still something there and that i still had something resembling my old self. so of course, when i got back in contact with one of my old friends and became part of his new friend group, i filmed tiktoks with them. i would record our conversations at the lunch table. we would all be laughing and having fun. it was proof that i wasn't completely alone yet. i found those moments with my friends memorable enough to record them because it had been so long since i had people like them around because of those 2 years.

those videos were a testimate to how i tried to push through those two years. they showcased the two things that mattered most: my art and my friends.

and i'm not letting some fuckin government take those moments away from me.

[modiintrainguy]

Journaling

Movember 2, 2021

Obviously it's been a while, but you know, better to say it than not.

anyway its said now.

on to the task in hand...

Best get into it.

so 3 things:

1. setting myself free from the constant search for instant short dopamine hits

2. Money - what can i do about it

3. what i learnt from the Coach about anger shouting and trying to control it

1. Set me free

ok i'll do this longer later.

feeling anxious basically about this!

point is i saw a video on youtube on the tv yesterday about how you can trick your brain into doing hard things

Now, of course ADHD clasically makes it hard for me to do anything thats not something i want to do and instead i just get stressed and procrastinate.

So the one thing this video advised was to take a dopamine detox.

Because the big problem with things like social media is that you are getting a surprise - the attraction is you dont know whats next so you keep going till you get the thing thats going to make you happy. but really nothing does. its the same with porn.

its actually just like spinning a fruit machine slot game.

"it's the hope that kills you".

each time you scroll facebook, instagram, youtube, netflix whtever you are bored but hoping to get what your looking for eventually. but its rarely ever enough. the same with junk food. the expectation that this thing will make you feel good is false. you'll just keep on going cos you think eventually youll find the thing that makes you feel good but in the end u feel bad cos youve wasted time and consumed loads of rubbish.

Then yesterday i thoguht about the old nokia phones and how i nearly bought one instead of an iphone back in 2017 when i got the iphone 7 i had. one of the main reasons i didnt buy it was cos i needed whatsapp; and also i thought i needed email and internet for work (blame AM for that!).

so i thought if only i could have a phone that doesnt have all the stuff i go on just to pass time by continuously looking for something interesting.

then i realised i can - just delete the apps that are wasting time. like my watch - it is basically just funcitonal. you cant go on the watch and scroll and spend time, it's just for using it to do things.

so i went and deleted facebook and insta and tiktok and all the news apps - basicallly anythign that isnt functional.

and im going to not watch tv unless there is a specific thing i want to watch and i will only watch that.

i thought what about reading. isnt that the same dopamine fix. but its about constant short fixes. reading is a specific individual thing you decide to do and i think the dopamine comes out slowly.

So let's see how it goes.

but at least im writing here.

One of the things the guy in the video recommends is journaling. he says its better to write it on paper but my writing is a mess and its easier for me to type, so thats why im back here!

2. Money. money.

How scared am i about money.

what its all about?

Ok really im gonna do this later!

but its about avoiding something that is intangible. you cant see it or touch it.

really theres 2 things

1. im scared of finding out the reality - the truth that ive been wasting my money or not spending what ive had which has made me have a worse life than i couldve had if id had been realistic

2. i know that/assume that i have enough so it kind of doesnt matter what i spend. so when i spend it doesnt feel like im spending money. there is no money.

so now its time to try and come to terms with it

because without organising money i wont feel relaxed.

so im going to try and make a list of expenses and incomings and guess them and then compare them to the file the wife made (obviously thats ridiculous cos the file exists so i can just lok at it, but after like 20 years of hardly looking at it i dont feel like i can just jump in at the deep end).

3. Shouting

last week me and coach discussed shouting for an hour and a bit which was wonderful.

i said id basically given up. id discussed it so many times and tried so hard but still hadnt controlled my anger.

he said 2 things.

1. Think about unmet expectations

2. Try to keep emotional gas tank refilled and be aware when its low and how it makes you less tolerant

Expect the unexpected

so the first thing is to realise the reason you are angry is cos you have expectations of how a situation is going to/"should" pan out so when it doesnt happen

you need to realise that things dont always happen how you want them to and try and think of the reaons that could happen.

it's like the old road sign thing.

you look at an israeli road sign and see the english as if thats the only real thing but israelis see the hebrew and arabs see the arabic.

they are all there, but you see what is obvious to you - even though other people see exactly the same thing/situation completely differently which can make that act differently. ok the acting differently doesnt work with the road sign analogy but u get what i mean.

Try and think about it from the other persons perspective.

they say dont ask "why" - but in this case its best to ask yourself why the other person did that or this situation panned out like it did.

then you can think about it from the otehr perspective. "why does the little one not do what shes told."

ahaaaaa

Emotional Petrol tank

It's basically "lemale et ha dli".

Everyone has an amount they can stand before they get annoyed. its just during the day you lose some so you need to be aware if you are low on emotional gas and then have a break or meditate or somrthing to fill it up.

Parzuf coes!!

laugh about it!

ok jobhunt? what else? check the list.

lets do our best today and go running if its not hot and if not walk in a forest.

[spotifypremiumapks]

Who is Abigail Elphick? Wiki, Biography, Age, Family, Video, Instagram

Abigail Elphick Wiki - Abigail Elphick Biography

Abigail Elphick is the New Jersey woman nicknamed "Victoria's Secret Karen." Video of an incident involving her at the Short Hills Mall has gone viral. The 25-year-old woman was seen in a video charging a black woman, Ijeoma Ukenta, and later claiming to be the victim. Ukenta posted videos of the incident on TikTok and YouTube. On Twitter, some people criticized the Millburn Police Department and mall security for not doing more to protect Ukenta. “There were many egregious violations of her rights and general welfare by both the Millburn Police Department and Short Hills Mall security. Abigail Elphick should have been arrested {and still needs to be arrested} and at least charged with assault and intent. of theft, ”wrote one Twitter user. NJ.com reported that the incident began when Ukenta, 38, of Newark asked Elphick to move six feet away from her. At one point, Elphick appears to raise his hand towards Ukenta in the video. The police report says this caused Elphick "to have a panic attack, at which point she followed her to stop recording her," according to the news site. The police did not make any arrests. "Pending further review, the Millburn Police Department believes that our officers acted in a professional and competent manner to defuse the situation and restore calm and order," the police statement reads to NJ.com. “I was banned from Tik Tok, yet everyone else was able to tell my story. I'm traumatized, ”Ukenta wrote on Twitter. Victoria's Secret issued a statement saying that “the safety of associates and customers is our top priority and we are committed to creating a safe and welcoming environment for all. The video taken at our store is disturbing and we have launched a full investigation. Our associate followed our protocols and immediately called our Emergency Operations Center, as well as mall security, to provide support during the altercation between our clients. We are dedicated to continuing this critical conversation and demonstrating our commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion through our actions and our words. "

Abigail Elphick Age

Abigail Elphick is 25 years old.

Elphick can be seen in uploading videos

The video series begins with Elpnick charging at Ukenta and trying to hit her and the camera. She backs off when Ukenta says, “My God. Oh, Lord. See this? Oh, Lord. I never thought anything like this would happen to me. She tried to run and hit. "Elphick then crouches down, holding her head in her crying hands, and says," No, I didn't. "She says," I don't want to be recorded. " Ukenta tells other customers and workers: “Did you see that? … Karen had a nervous breakdown. She tried to hit me. "Elphick again states that she did not try to hit Ukenta and says," I don't want to be recorded, "while crying. While Elphick continues to cry, Ukenta, holding a coupon in front of the camera, says:" I tried to come to get my free panties. "Elphick then yells," Why aren't you defending me? I just don't want to be recorded. " Elphick then yells and yells, "Don't record my mental breakdown, please. Please please please." The second video begins with Elphick lying on the ground, screaming and kicking. "She's recording me. Tell her to stop," she squeals. "You keep lying saying I'm threatening you, so I'm filming to protect myself," Ukenta replies. She doesn't seem to be very close to Elphick. The video shows Elphick yelling and running towards Ukenta, who was filming the scene. Ukenta kept repeating that she was concerned that the police would believe Elphick if she claimed that Ukenta attacked her when the video shows Elphick charging at Ukenta and Ukenta doing nothing more than recording the scene. "She's trying to attack me, no, no, no," Ukenta says at one point. "Once the law comes, who are they going to believe?" She says that she is concerned that the police will believe Elphick about Ukenta because Elphick is white and Ukenta is black. Elphick, who makes a phone call at one point, yells, “Stop her so she doesn't record. ... She is recording my mental breakdown. ... My heart races ". Ukenta narrates: "She's lying on the phone. I don't give a damn if she's sick. I'm worried about myself. This is real. This is really happening to me. She's on the phone with the police for me and she was chasing me around the damn thing. store ". At another point, Ukenta says, "I just came to get a free panty, that's all.… This lady chasing me. Now she's calling the police. I can't believe security isn't here. This is how black people die. Do you see what these people do? They call the police and they call in a panic and tell the police that you are doing something to them when clearly she was chasing me around the store. " She also says, "I don't want to turn my back on this white lady, sorry. She's crazy. Did you see her trying to accuse me again? That's the third time." The video does not show Ukenta attacking or making any moves towards Elphick. Read Also: Who is Angela Alberts? Wiki, Biography, Age, Trev Alberts’s Wife, Children, Instagram

GoFundMe campaign

Ukenta created a GoFundMe page that had raised over $ 38,000 as of July 13, 2021, a day after it was created. "I am a black Muslim Nigerian AM and I was treated like it was 1920 in Short Hills Mall. I was assaulted and harassed by a white woman and neither security nor police did anything," she wrote on the page. “I am looking to hire an excellent lawyer who can help me clear up this problem. All videos and updates on the situation are on my YouTube channel: Mama Africa Muslimah. They threw me a TikTok for posting what happened to me and they let someone else post and get millions and millions of views, however, they deleted 2 of my accounts. … One that I have for my garden that was my original account and another 1 that I created after my main account was deleted. I have been harmed by Abigail Elphick (Karen in my videos), Short Hills Mall security, the Millburn Police Department, and most of all, humanity. Please help!"

Elphick told officers that he wanted the video to be recorded

In a video, Ukenta read what he said was a police report: I spoke to the "crazy lady" and told her that she had spoken with the store clerk and that they replied that what Miss Ukenta had said had happened. Miss Elphick seemed to admit that she was wrong and she said she was worried about losing her job and her apartment if the video was posted online. She was having a panic attack from the video recording. I told you that Miss Ukenta has the right to videotape. I asked her several times if she was okay and if she needed an ambulance. And she repeatedly refused. She kept expressing her concern for her job and her apartment. She finally said that she was going home, I asked her if she could drive and she answered yes. At this time, Ms. Elphick voluntarily left the mall with mall security. Ukenta says in a video update: “I see everyone asking me for an update. I'm at the police station. I have the police report, which is somewhat true, but very, very long. I'm happy I recorded because even the officers said that I only showed him the video of her lying on the floor when I showed it to him. Of course, first, they took a statement because she, of course, she called the police. And she completely lied. She is trying to say that I started recording her, which triggered a panic attack, at which point she followed me to try to get me to stop recording. " She adds: So, I am filing a complaint against the two officers who responded. I did not feel protected. I am also filing a complaint against the mall security. Victoria's Secret, in my opinion ... what can we expect? Grab this woman? The manager even sent someone to walk to get security because they were taking too long. So, I really don't have a problem with them ... not at the moment. Now if they give us trouble getting the video, we'll talk about that. That will be another story. "The Internal Affairs Division is now investigating the matter to assess how the officers behaved," the police department said in a statement to NJ.com. "The second woman who was filming much of the incident asked officers to remove the first woman from the mall because she felt threatened," NJ.com said, as described in the police report. "The officers explained that they did not have the authority to do that because they had no indication that a crime had been committed or a crime that could be arrested." Heavy has contacted the Millburn police to get her response as well as police reports, both of which will be added to this story if received.

Elphick says she has worked as a teacher's aide

Elphick posted a short biography on a site that lists people who have a colostomy. In it, she said that she is a teacher's aide. "My name is Abby Elphick," she wrote. “I was diagnosed with chronic constipation and pelvic floor dysfunction. I am a 24-year-old woman who has a colostomy. I am a paraprofessional assistant/teacher who works with children. I love walking outside, shopping, eating out at restaurants! I want to feel comfortable with people who have an ostomy like me to know that I am not alone! " Online records show that she has ties to Cedar Grove and Newark, NJ. The Cedar Grove School District has denied that she is an employee there, writing in a note at the top of its home page: “The person involved in the Mall at Short Hills that took place on July 11, 2021, is missing and she has never been employed by the Cedar Grove Board of Education. " Elphick wrote on a Classmates.com profile: “I am 24 years old and I am going to school to become a Child Development Associate in teaching preschool-age students. I graduated in June 2014 from Cedar Grove High School when I was 18. " She stated on the profile, "I got good grades" and "wrote a book." The Verona-Cedar Grove Times mentioned Elphick in a 2013 article about her brother with a developmental disability and indicated that she had a colostomy. Elphick appears in a photo with her brother and her parents, Kim and Andrew Elphick. There is no state professional license for Elphick listed in the New Jersey state database.

Elphick is not related to a Secaucus

A police lieutenant created a Twitter account just to counter what she wrote were false accusations that Elphick is related to her. "Wrong. This is me and I have no kids. I also have no idea who Abigail is," she wrote in response to one such statement on Twitter. Police Lt. Kim Elphick added: “Additionally, this incident occurred at the Short Hills Mall, which is covered by the Millburn Police Department. Secaucus has no relevance to this case at all, other than the last name. " She added: “Because I am the officer that everyone says is my daughter. I don't have children and I have no idea who Abigail is. Coincidentally, I have the same name. " She concluded: “I received personal messages about what was being published. I created this account to fix it. It spread too fast to get ahead of me and tackle it. Feel free to call the agency tomorrow and I'll be more than happy to verify my identity. " FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK Read the full article

[shirlleycoyle]

Why This Teen Walked Away From Millions of TikTok Followers

This is part of a special series, The Future of Fame Is the Fan, which dissects how celebrity became so slippery. It’s also in the latest VICE magazine. Subscribe here. 

Sixteen-year-old Ava Rose Beaune was hanging out at a friend’s house on an otherwise unremarkable mid-July afternoon when her cell service briefly shut off. She tried to text her dad, but it wouldn’t send—definitely odd, she thought, but not alarming.

Then people started messaging her: Did you see what’s on your Twitter? Your Instagram? What’s going on? She logged on to her social media accounts and saw that her new Facebook status alluded to suicide—but she hadn’t posted it.

“My whole family thought I was going to kill myself,” Ava said.

Suddenly, a man she’d never met was calling her parents, demanding to speak to her. He had control of all her contacts, texts, emails, and social media accounts. The next day, he texted her: I just want to talk to you. (Spoken and written quotes from Ava’s alleged stalker are italicized to indicate they are not necessarily direct quotes but are as she remembers them.) He called her, and she answered, begging him to do whatever he wanted to her Instagram account, if that’s what he was after. “Delete it. Delete it and leave me alone if that’s what you want,” she told him. You don’t want that, he said. “I do,” she replied. I just want to meet up with you and have sex with you, he said.

“That’s when I hung up the phone, and I was like, this is getting weird,” Ava told me. This stranger had managed to hack her accounts using a method called SIM swapping, in which he contacted her wireless service carrier and convinced them that he owned the account and needed them to transfer access to the SIM card to the phone in his hand—effectively taking over her digital life.

In screenshots viewed by VICE, the hacker can be seen posting a Story to her Instagram about being Ava’s new boyfriend, issuing rape threats, and writing things like “I can’t wait til I impregnate you and marry you. you only live 5 MIN away from me.” She got her social media accounts back in her own possession and resolved the problem with her carrier. “OK, this is, you know, the end, whatever,” she recalled thinking.

With more than 2 million followers on TikTok, Ava was a minor celebrity in her own circles. So, she said, she was used to men being creepy, or even hostile. This was extreme, she thought, but it was over.

But it wasn’t. This was only the beginning of weeks of daily harassment so severe it would uproot her life entirely.

As of this year, TikTok likely has more than 1 billion monthly active users, and the market research firm Statista estimates that adolescents between 10 and 19 years old make up 32.5 percent of those users. The spiritual successor to Vine, TikTok is a micro-video sharing platform that favors an off-the-cuff, do-it-yourself style: People of all ages lip-sync to movie clips and songs, mimic elaborate dances in their living rooms, and use filters to edit the 60-second videos into tiny works of art. It’s also something of a fame lottery.

All this manic, frenetic energy combined with massive audiences is addictive in the same way any social media platform is: with casino-style scrolling and a notification system and the looming chance at virality. Normal teens like Ava—who signed with a talent agency in January 2020—become voracious consumers as well as unstoppable creators, hoping to strike it big, get discovered, or at the very least, make it to the For You feed, where one video plucked by some mysterious algorithm from a user’s feed can get in front of millions of eyeballs instantly.

“I’d rather not give those people the satisfaction of being noticed.”

Despite all this, cyberbullying experts say that TikTok isn’t the worst social media app for harassment. “The way that TikTok is built reduces the likelihood of cyberbullying when compared to other apps,” said Sameer Hinduja, the co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center. Features like direct messaging that only allow mutual followers to contact each other, and the inability to add images or videos to comment sections, set it apart from other apps. “To be sure, cyberbullying can manifest itself in hurtful TikTok videos directed towards others, as well as in comments and in livestream chats—but these possibilities are no different than on any other social media app,” Hinduja told me.

According to TikTok’s transparency report from 2020, 2.5 percent of videos the platform removed were for bullying or harassment. But there are some features unique to TikTok that make it prone to a different, more personal kind of harassment. “Duet” allows other users to repost your video with a split-screen video of their own. Most of the time, it’s used innocently, for singalongs or miniature skits. But some users say it opens a portal for disturbing abuse. In 2018, BuzzFeed News reported that people—often young children—would duet their videos with a video of them acting out suicide, putting plastic bags over their heads or belts around their necks, to show their disgust at the original post. And a Duet from a more popular account can send a wave of attention from their followers to your page, not all of it positive.

Nick, who runs a TikTok account with his five-year-old daughter Sienna (the family goes by their first names publicly, to protect their privacy), told me that they experience Duet-based harassment on top of the usual comment section cruelty. “Some users would duet our videos and say mean, nasty things that were just not true,” he said. “In the beginning, it made us second-guess the path we were going down.”

It hasn’t stopped since they started the account, in October of 2018—and they’ve since gathered more than 14 million followers. But they have gotten better at managing it, Nick said. “Sienna is luckily very intelligent and knows that this is not OK. I made sure to sit down with her, emphasizing how special she is and that people may not see that right away.”

Nick believes TikTok does a good job of handling harassment, and giving creators the tools to handle it themselves. “If there is consistent harassment from a specific account, I block and delete their hateful comments,” he said. “For the negative comments in general, I tend to just ignore them. I’d rather not give those people the satisfaction of being noticed.”

TikTok does allow users to opt out of Duets. But these are the features that foster that slingshot fame; opting out of them means opting out of your chance at going viral or just growing your audience.

Fatima and Munera Fahiye, who are sisters and TikTok creators with around 3 million followers each, told me that they also find the platform to be responsive when they need support. “There were multiple accounts on TikTok impersonating me on the app, and TikTok helped me by verifying my account to let people know that my account is the real one,” Munera said.

Whatever harassment they do receive—which often means racist comments—they say is outweighed by the support of fans. “I have been on TikTok for a year now, and I have not experienced any harassment, but after gaining some followers I have seen some mean comments about my hijab every now and then, but I try to not give it any attention, because the love and support that I am getting from my fans is more than the little hate, so it does not matter,” Fatima said.

The harassment that happens on TikTok doesn’t stay there, however. On Reddit, whole communities are devoted to catching women and girls on social media in the middle of wardrobe slips, where you can see down their shirts, up their skirts, or anytime they shift and move and reveal a glimpse of more skin. Standalone websites are made for this purpose, too, and for doxxing and harassing women who might have a TikTok in addition to an OnlyFans or other separate adult platform.

In 2020, a server on the gaming chat platform Discord took requests for TikTok creators to be made into deepfakes—AI-generated fake porn. Although child pornography is against Discord’s terms of use, even in the form of deepfakes, one of the most requested targets was only 17. A request for another deepfake noted, “by the way she turns 18 in 4 days.”

Creators also find their content, clothed as in the originals or deepfaked, reposted to porn sites. In concert, the people on each of these platforms work together to create an overwhelming environment of virtual assault for many young women.

Until TikTok, Ava had never really been into social media, she told me on a Zoom call in her parents’ house. She was taking a break from high school distance learning; this was her senior year, spent over video chats because of the COVID-19 pandemic. “I always told myself I’d never make a TikTok because my friends all had it and I was like, that’s so cringe,” she said. “Like, I’ll never start that. But they were like, ‘Come on make one,’ so I did.”

She said she made her first account when she was 15, and posted the usual stuff: trend dances, makeup videos. Within a few days, her audience went from the friends who talked her into joining to 150,000 followers—a leap in popularity that she still doesn’t entirely understand. The sudden attention startled her; she deactivated the account.

She accidentally reactivated the account later, and at this point, having gotten over the initial shock of attention, decided to give it another try.

A rock smashed through her mom’s car window with a threatening note tied to it: I want to take you and impregnate you.

Once Ava started posting new videos, the hateful comments started. “I thought that was like the worst it could get,” she said. “It was like, body shaming and hate—the body shaming especially never bothered me, and the normal hate comments were just like, whatever.” A few users created accounts to post rape threats about her, and this did disturb her, but she took it as par for the course as a young woman online.

That is, until one of her followers started stalking her and her best friend, Gabriel. That follower messaged Gabriel, mentioning her home address and demanding to know who she was dating. “So, we’re both kind of like laughing like this guy’s obviously just some weird fan,” she recalled.

I have something planned for Ava. You’ll see in the next three months. I’m planning something big, Ava says he told Gabriel. He hacked her phone three months later, on Gabriel’s 18th birthday. After that, the man texted Ava every day.

“It was stuff about how he wants to rape me, how he’s going to get me, how I can easily stop this—he was texting my dad saying, She’s not allowed to hang out with her friends, if she goes out I’ll know. Saying he’s watching over us and stuff like that.” Every time Ava thought the situation was as bad as it could get—that this man she’d never met was going as far as he could go—he went further.

Then a rock smashed through her mom’s car window with a threatening note tied to it: I want to take you and impregnate you.

Cyberbullying has proven long-lasting effects on teens and young adults. As Hinduja noted, studies show that it’s tied to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, family problems, academic difficulties, delinquency, school violence, and suicidal thoughts and attempts.

“So at this point I was like, ‘OK, this is getting a little serious.’”

“Most important to me is how negative experiences online unnecessarily compromise the healthy flourishing of our youth at school,” he said. According to his and his co-director Justin Patchin’s research at the Cyberbullying Research Center, over 60 percent of students who experienced cyberbullying reported that it “deeply affected” their ability to learn and feel safe while at school, and 10 percent of students surveyed said they’ve skipped school at least once this past year because of it.

“That cannot be happening,” Hinduja said.

“In general, I hope people will remember that everyone is a human being just like them. We are all capable of feeling hurt and disappointment, and just because there are numbers and a platform attached to our lives doesn’t mean we are impervious to hurtful words or harassing comments,” Nick said. “TikTok is a space where everyone should feel safe to express their creativity, and in order to do that we need to be kind to others.”

Maxwell Mitcheson, Ava’s agent and the head of talent at TalentX Entertainment, told me that he’s seen harassment take a direct toll on young people. “A lot of creators are growing up in front of millions of people, and that involves making mistakes and learning and growing from them,” he said. “The hateful rhetoric definitely weighs on them; some don’t even look at their comments section anymore just to try and stay positive.”

“It’s the inability to make mistakes, being attacked for being authentically yourself, and the sudden lack of anonymity,” Mitcheson said.

Ava’s experience was on the extreme side, he explained, but creators at his agency have had instances of hacking and stalking, or fans randomly showing up at creators’ homes. “We’ve had to involve security and PIs before, but Ava’s was a situation that could have ended in tragedy if it weren’t for the Toronto police intervening.”

After the window-breaking threat, Ava said the police told her that she couldn’t stay at home. She went to stay at a friend’s house, but he still reached her there, she said. “He just kept going saying like, look at what you’ve done, this is all your fault,” she said. He sent her a private message that would delete after it was opened, so she recorded it using a friend’s phone:

I need you to accept the fact that I’m extorting you right now, you need to accept that this isn’t going to end no one’s gonna catch me, the police haven’t ever caught me when I did this before, accept it, give me what I want, I want you to meet up at this park right behind your house I want to do this this this this to you

if you don’t I will kill your parents in front of you in your living room and take you.

“So at this point I was like, ‘OK, this is getting a little serious,’” she told me.

She said she sent the message to the police, who told her whole family to stay somewhere else, hours away. They did, for two weeks. He kept texting her: are you going to be there Saturday you’re making the wrong decision you better answer me.

Eventually, Ava recalled, he was caught. He left the VPN he was using to mask his location off for a half a second, according to her—just long enough, she remembers the police telling her, for the investigators to capture his location data and pinpoint where he was texting her from.

Ava said that the police told her that when he was caught, they found six separate phones and a bunch of SIM cards in his possession—full of pictures and videos of Ava that he’d taken from her accounts. According to the Toronto area detective Ava and her family worked with, the case is still in the courts.

Talking to me now, over Zoom, in between classes and facing midterms, Ava seems fine. She’s able to recount this story in delicate detail, without flinching. She understands the gravity of what happened to her, and how it upended her life. Her family decided to move away, “to the middle of nowhere, pretty much,” she said.

But she is different now. She stopped posting to her TikTok to focus on her friendships and family, though she still posts sporadically on Instagram. She would like to be more active on social media, but she’s not pushing herself. She has anxiety that she describes as “really bad.”

“It’s really affected me, like, you know, just like not being able to live in your own home, and like, even when you are at home, not being safe… It’s really hard, especially when I was only 16 when this happened,” she said. “It is hard, and knowing that my parents were always stressed out and not being able to go outside and walk without feeling kind of scared…”

Before she stopped posting new TikTok videos, she tried to open up on the platform in videos about her mental health and her experiences. But people weren’t receptive to it.

“Especially when they’re like, Oh, a TikTok girl that all the simps love, or What are you complaining about, all these boys love you, kind of thing,” she told me. “I’ve been trying to go to therapy and trying to get over it, but when that kind of thing happens you’re not really the same afterwards. You have a different outlook on social media. You’re kind of scared of if it’s going to happen again. You don’t think those people exist until it happens to you, and then you’re like, wow, this is crazy.”

Online harassment has a silencing effect on people of all ages and genders, but women have it especially bad—and young women are pushed offline, out of the center of conversations and control of their own narrative, at earlier and earlier ages. As adolescents, harassment online makes them do worse in school, seek riskier behaviors, and contemplate or even attempt and follow through on self-harm and suicide. As grown women, this looks like anxiety, a lack of self-confidence, not sleeping, and stepping out of the online conversation altogether to protect their own mental health, and, in severe cases, the safety of themselves and their loved ones. When harassment is allowed to carry on, and women are shamed for seeking help, the damage digs deeper—and we lose those voices.

I asked Ava what she wishes more people understood—about her, about what it’s like to have a big social media following, about how it feels to have millions of eyes on you at such a young age. “I just wish they knew that just because you have followers, doesn’t mean you have this perfect life,” she said. “Just because boys love you, that doesn’t complete your life. When these kinds of things happen, you should be able to be open about it.”

Follow Samantha Cole on Twitter.

Why This Teen Walked Away From Millions of TikTok Followers syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/