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esmealux · 3 years

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The Devil Doesn’t Do Children

Part: 2 / ?

Setting: About a year after 5a

Word count: 3.5K

Rating: T

Summary: ‘I certainly did not choose to impregnate the Detective, Doctor!’ In which Lucifer doesn’t know how to cope and goes to see the one person who might be able to help him.

Warnings: Mention of death, murder (and, quite indirectly, foeticide)

When Chloe parks the car a little outside the film set, Lucifer has finally got his thoughts and the threatening sensation in his chest under control. He had stared silently out of the window the entire ride, calculating, weighing the different possibilities; which one was more likely—him impregnating her after being sterile since the dawn of time, or her getting food poisoning from a hole in the wall filthier than medieval England? The latter. Definitely the latter. It is the only logical—nay, possible explanation. He has no doubt.

But then she asks him to get her a gum from her glove box (she still has a bad taste in her mouth), and when he looks inside the small space to find the pack she always keeps there, something catches his eye, something pink and flat, something he usually associates with mood swings and five days of limited access—something that reminds him she’s more than a week late.

He grabs the gum between his fingers and hands it to her, smacking the glove box shut as if it will erase what he just saw and the distressing epiphany it led to. He searches for alternate explanations in his panicking mind, something, anything, that will ease his returned and now stronger fear that she’s… That they’re… But he comes up with nothing. Just obscure theories that even he will admit are far-fetched.

He doesn’t say anything—not because he knows she doesn’t want to have the conversation on their way to talk to a potential suspect, but because he can’t. So he just follows after her like a lost puppy, until they’re suddenly sitting in a cramped trailer, facing former child-star, current man-child Max Steinfeld.

‘Why did you walk away when we asked you about Laura?’ Chloe asks the actor. He had fled? Lucifer hadn’t noticed. Then again, he’s not entirely sure he would have remembered if they’d been in a car chase, or a gunfire.

The sad example of a man slides a tabloid towards them in response to the Detective’s question. The front page shows a picture (undoubtedly shot by a paparazzo) of him and Riley walking down the street hand in hand, smiles plastered on their polished Hollywood faces. Next to the headline promising insight in ‘all the details about the magical wedding,’ there’s a close-up of an offensively distasteful diamond ring.

Lucifer sees a chance at escaping the cacophony of disturbing thoughts in his head and takes it. ‘What, because you’re marrying Miss Riley and didn’t want a murder case spoiling your-’ he takes the magazine and swiftly flips through the pages till he finds the right one, ‘uber-romantic seaside wedding? Is that it?’ Lucifer leans a little forward and stares intensely into the man’s eyes, his best cheshire grin playing on his lips. ‘Come now, Maximillian, what is it you truly desire?’

‘I…,’ he begins, not blinking as he’s sucked into Lucifer’s stare, ‘I want to stop pretending.’

‘Pretending that you didn’t kill an innocent woman because you put a bun in her oven?’

Steinfeld’s brows draw together in confusion before they arch up in worry and disbelief. ‘Laura’s… dead?’

Lucifer’s just about to call him out on his charades, when the Detective jumps in and confirms that she was found in her home, stabbed to death.

Max’ face turns white. His jaw goes slack. Then a cry of raw agony fills the confined space.

Once Steinfeld has calmed down enough to continue the conversation, Chloe decides to go easy on him and begins by asking him where he was between 9 and 10 PM last night.

‘With Moni,’ he says, looking almost ashamed. ‘I had a date with Laura—we were gonna see each other for the first time in weeks—but she didn’t turn up. I figured she was still mad.’

‘Mad?’ Chloe prompts him to elaborate.

‘Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly handle the whole pregnancy-thing very well. I couldn’t- I just- I panicked.’

‘So you killed her,’ her partner concludes beside her. She gives him a stern look and a reprimanding ‘Lucifer.’ He ignores her.

‘No! I would never hurt her! I love her,’ Steinfeld tells them, all kinds of emotions swimming in his eyes. ‘But when she told me, I just couldn’t… deal with it, so I ignored her, for five weeks. One thing was trying to wrap my head around the fact that I’m-’—he gulps and takes a deep breath—‘was gonna be a dad, but I also had no idea how I was gonna tell them.’

Chloe is just about to ask who he means by ‘them’ when Lucifer opens his mouth. ‘Oh, I’m sorry, my mistake. I’ll refer to them as Mx Riley from now on.’ He sounds genuinely apologetical. Chloe side-eyes him, confused.

‘What? No,’—Steinfeld shakes his head—‘Moni goes by “she”. I meant the studio. They made us sign a contract at the beginning of production in which we agreed to pretend to be a couple in public to-’

‘Build hype around the movie, sell more tickets and boost your personal career?’ Chloe finishes. She’s familiar with the concept.

‘Yeah, something like that,’ Steinfeld mutters and rubs his brow, his hand still visibly shaking from the shock. ‘But I was growing tired of it. I like Moni, she’s one of my best friends, but nothing more than that, and what I had with Laura was so… real. It was all pretty new, but she made me happy. I wanted her in my life—to share my life with her. Still, I was nowhere near ready to have a baby with her, to become a dad! I mean, I still have a bad reputation in the business, I’ve spent all my savings on drugs and alcohol and a mansion I can’t afford, and sometimes I get so stressed I don’t eat for days. How am I supposed to take care of a kid?’ His voice is laced with frustration and tears stream down his stubbled cheeks. She expects Lucifer to scoff at the ‘dramatics’, or at least show some kind of disapproval of the emotional display, but he doesn’t.

‘Look, I get it,’ Chloe says, laying her arms on the table. ‘When I was pregnant, me and my ex-husband were absolutely terrified too.’

She senses Lucifer looking at her out of the corner of his eye. She’s not sure why, or what it means, so she ignores him and continues.

‘Is that why you did it? Did you go to her place when she didn’t show up for your date and then when she brought up the baby you lost your temper? You got scared?’ She wills her voice to be calm, knowing the man is vulnerable.

Max frantically shakes his head. ‘No! No, more the opposite! I was gonna tell her that I loved her and that I was gonna try. That’s why I went to Simone’s when she didn’t show up. Moni knew about Laura, what she meant to me, so I went to her to talk about how we could escape this fucked-up PR stunt controlling our lives,’ he points angrily to the smiling picture of him and Riley on the cover of the tabloid, still on the table. When he continues, his voice is calmer, but also more emotional, ‘so we could be free, and I could do right by Laura… and our baby.’

Chloe turns to look at Lucifer—to see if he, too, believes Steinfeld is innocent—only to discover that her partner is glowering at the now frightened man across from them. Lucifer is breathing heavily, his fist clenched between them, his knuckles white. His voice is sharp and venomous when he speaks, almost hisses, ‘How exactly were you gonna do right by them? How could you just accept that you were gonna be a… a father, even when you knew, in every cell of your damned body, that you couldn’t?’

He’s standing now, his tall frame shaking, heat rolling off him. She reaches for his hand to calm him down (Steinfeld has faced enough trauma today as it is), but he quickly draws it back, as if he’s burnt by her touch. His eyes remain brown and his face smooth and tan, anthropomorphic—still, a lump settles in her throat. Before she can say anything, he speaks again, his voice lower now, only a few octaves from demonic and flaming with something she can only describe as wrath. Wrath and pain. ‘How could you ever pretend to love something you never wanted?’

He storms out of the trailer, surprisingly elegantly considering his emotional state. She excuses herself to Steinfeld and rushes out to talk to her partner, comfort him, ask him what the Hell is going on.

But he’s gone.

Vanished.

Sighing, she bends down to pick up a large, silky feather from the ground.

The door bursts open, the hinges shrieking in protest as it slams against the wall and knocks down a picture frame in the process. Linda takes a deep breath and slowly turns around to face her intruder. ‘Lucifer, what have I told you about barging-’

The words get stuck in her throat when she sees him. His hair is dishevelled, his clothes wrinkled and disarranged. A dash of colour is missing where a pocket square usually sits and completes his outfit—whether he lost it without noticing or he didn’t pick one out in the first place, she can’t tell, but either way, it’s concerning. Even more so when combined with his face. Oh God, his face. He looks pale, too pale—ghostlike. His pupils are mere specks, his eyes manic. His chest heaves rapidly as he takes in short, ragged breaths.

Last time she saw Lucifer in a state similarly chaotic, dark, leathery wings were sticking out of his back. Before she can ask him what’s wrong, his tremulous voice fills her office.

‘The Detective’s pregnant.’

Not what she’d expected, but his reaction seems about right.

She goes to his side to help him sit down on the couch, pours him a glass of water, and doesn’t sit down till she’s made sure he’s drunk some. Once in her chair, she takes a deep breath, partly to prepare herself for the incoming conversation and partly to make Lucifer mirror her so they can get some oxygen to his head. She’s not sure if angels can pass out, but she’s not gonna take the risk.

‘Okay,’ she says calmly, ‘and how do you feel about it?’ The question sounds kind of absurd as he’s sitting there, practically radiating distress. Nevertheless, he needs to put his feelings into words.

‘How do you think I feel about it, Doctor?’ he growls.

She doesn’t answer that. Instead, she looks at him with a slight smile and raised eyebrows, inviting him to tell her.

‘I feel betrayed, for one,’ he spits, feeding her plant with the sparkling water she’s provided him—before emptying his flask into the glass and taking a large gulp.

‘By whom?’ she asks.

He glares at her and takes another sip. ‘My father, obviously.’

Linda suppresses a sigh of frustration. She’d thought God coming to Earth and their subsequent bonding time had finally made Lucifer bury his manipulative daddy issues. Guess she was wrong. ‘What do you think your father has to do with Chloe getting pregnant?’ She doesn’t miss how he winces at the last three words before his face sets into taut lines.

‘Oh, I don’t know, Doctor.’ His voice is thick with sarcasm. ‘I mean, it’s not like he has ever sent down one of his pathetic thralls to “bless” a barren couple with a spawn.’

‘How are you so sure you’re infertile?’ she asks him with narrowed eyes, leaning back in her chair. They’d thought Amenadiel was infertile, but she has 31 pounds of pure joy at home to disprove that.

‘Well, it’s simple maths,’ he replies. She gives him a curious and mildly sceptical look, and he leans forward, putting his now half-empty glass down on the table. ‘Right, I’ve been practicing safe sex since the first ever condom came about—you know, for the sake of my lovers’ health—but condoms are only 98% effective at preventing conception, and the ancient prototypes were much worse, which means that, had I not been sterile, I would have fathered one hundred thousand children, give or take, throughout history, and I haven’t. I would have noticed; they would have flocked around me like little rats to get a piece of my fortune every time I appeared on Earth. Ergo, infertile.” He gestures towards his crotch with a dead-serious expression.

‘Right,’ she says, forcing herself to look at his face. ‘And what makes you think that that trait, or whatever you wanna call it-’

‘I call it a blessing,’ he interrupts her, the slightest glint in his eye as he peers at her from over the brim of the drinking glass.

‘What makes you think it’s everlasting?’ she asks him, a theory suddenly forming in her mind.

He furrows his brow. ‘Beg your pardon?’

‘Well, you’re not completely immortal anymore,’ she reminds him, her eyes shifting to his thigh where his first (not self-induced) scar is covered by his creased suit pants. He sends her a hurt look. ‘What a positively shitty way of trying to cheer me up,’ he huffs before downing the remaining liquor.

‘What I mean is,’ she begins to clarify, ‘what if your infertility is like your immortality?’ She lets the words sink in before she continues, ‘What if your aversion to having children, to becoming a dad, has affected your ability to physically father a child? But just like you chose to be vulnerable around Chloe, you’re now choosing to have a baby with her, to grow your family.’

He scoffs, almost laughs, but there’s no trace of humour in it. Only torment. ‘I certainly did not choose to impregnate the Detective, Doctor!’

‘Maybe not on a conscious level,’ she argues. ‘But maybe after the personal development you’ve been through, after seeing you’re worthy of being loved, not just by Chloe but also by Trixie, you’re finally realising, somewhere deep inside, that you’re also worthy of being someone’s dad.’

‘That is…’ he whispers, gazing out into empty air with a thoughtful expression, only to ultimately conclude, ‘absolutely preposterous!’ He sends her a dirty look, as if he’s accusing her of humbug. ‘I don’t want to be someone’s dad, Doctor—I don’t want a baby! The Devil doesn’t do children. I despise them. Always have. You know that.’

‘That doesn’t mean you always will. I mean, do you despise Charlie?’ She waits a couple of beats, watching him intently. ‘Do you despise Trixie?’ She nods in the direction of his chest, knowing his phone is in his breast pocket, nestled against his heart, the screen lighting up with a picture of himself and his two favourite girls every time he gets a notification.

‘Your son appreciates my devil face,’ he defends, ‘and the Detective and her offspring are a package deal.’ Linda knows he tries to appear indifferent, but he can’t hide the fondness suddenly twinkling in his eyes. If Linda wasn’t sure before, she’s now absolutely positive that Lucifer loves Trixie nearly as much as he loves her mother. She sees it all the time; it’s in the way his eyes flash red with hellfire when Trixie is hurt or sad; it’s in the way his chest puffs out with pride whenever he talks about her; it’s in his jealous stare when she and Dan laugh at an inside joke; it’s in his jubilant eyes when he’s the one who makes her laugh; it’s in the immense effort he constantly makes to always be there for her, to never disappoint her.

‘You might call them a package deal, Lucifer,’ she says softly, making him look at her, ‘but they call you family.’

He’s snatched the empty glass from the table and is now nursing it in his hand, unintentionally mimicking his nephew with his security blanket. His eyes are downcast, but she can tell his heart swells at the mention of the F-word. He’d dropped by her place about a month ago, shock all over his face. ‘The urchin referred to me as her family,’ he’d said. Linda had smiled and replied with a simple ‘Of course she did’. As narcissistic and self-indulgent as he is, he is surprisingly oblivious to other people’s affection for him. Then again, what else could you expect from a person who was abandoned by his parents, literally pushed into the abyss, and for eons deprived of any kind of love?

With Lucifer’s background in mind, Linda steers the conversation back to his feelings about Chloe being pregnant. ‘If you’re being completely honest with yourself, Lucifer,’—she stares at him until he lifts his head and looks her in the eyes—‘what do you think is the main reason you’re having this reaction to Chloe being pregnant? Is it because you don’t want children?’ She lets him think for a couple of seconds before adding, ‘Or is it because you’re afraid you’ll let your child down like your dad let you down?’

Sadness flashes across his still ashen face before the muscle in his jaw flexes and hot fury fills up his eyes. ‘My father didn’t let me down,’ he snarls, putting the glass down with an alarming clank, ‘He banished me from my home and sent me to Hell—after my mother wouldn’t let him kill me! No words cover that immense extent of neglect, Doctor. That cosmic measure of betrayal!’ His voice is shrill and rough as he shouts the last word, accompanied by the jarring sound of the drinking glass shattering to a million pieces as it collides with the wall behind her.

Lucifer takes a few heavy breaths and, once he’s gotten his anger somewhat under control, pointlessly adjusts his jacket and straightens his spine. ‘No one should have to endure even a fraction of that,’ he tells her, appearing strangely remorseful. ‘Especially not an innocent child.’

And there it is.

‘You are not your dad, Lucifer,’ she reminds him. ‘Or your mom. You’re not gonna abandon your child. You’re not gonna hurt them.’ She waits till he looks up at her (his brown eyes are so sad it makes her chest ache) before she says, ‘You’re gonna love them with every piece of your heart and go to the ends of the earth, or Hell, to protect them, because that is who you are. Maybe you weren’t that person when you cut your wings off on the beach eleven years ago, and maybe not even when you first started assisting the LAPD. But that’s who you are now. Just ask Chloe and Trixie.’ She would add all the other people around him who know this to be true, who know him, but there are only two people whose opinions matter to him in this case.

He doesn’t answer. His lips part, a smidgen of hope and belief appearing in the sea of fear in his eyes.

‘You referred to it as a “blessing” before, the fact that you couldn’t have children.’ He grimaces at the past tense. ‘Based on that, I assume you think having a child would be a curse?’

He raises an eyebrow, questioning her intelligence.

‘Right. But why do you think that is? I mean, if you think about it, is it really so bad that you and Chloe are having a baby? Someone who’s a beautiful mix of the two you, created out of your love for each other?’

He stops tending an invisible spot on her couch to look up at her. Colour has returned to his face, and the anger from before is gone; only a crease of worry remains. He looks tentative, but not scared to his core like earlier, his gaze warm and soft.

‘I…’ he says, musing. After a few seconds of silence, he answers, ‘To be frank, Doctor, I don’t know.’ His lips settle into a crooked line, stuck between a smile and a frown.

Linda lifts a friendly brow, her own lips tugging up at the corners. ‘Can’t know till you try, right?’

‘Right,’ he admits. It’s still not exactly a smile she sees on his face, but it’s close enough.

‘Have you talked to Chloe about all this?’ she asks him.

‘I haven’t, no. Do you think I should?’

Linda blinks, a little dumbfounded he’s even considering it an option not to talk about his fears with the woman who’s carrying his baby.

‘I’m joking,’ he says then, the smallest of smirks playing on his lips. ‘Of course I’m gonna talk to her! I just thought it best to, you know, sort out my own thoughts on the matter first.’

‘Oh,’ she mutters, realising she might not give him enough credit. He really has come a long way since their first session. ‘That’s very mature of you, Lucifer,’ she praises him.

The minuscule smirk from before spreads out into his cheshire grin. ‘What can I say? All good people know everything below an M-rating is boring and worthless.’

He smooths his pants over his thighs and checks his cuffs before standing and walking to the door. Just before he leaves, he turns to her with newfound courage in his eyes and says, ‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a detective I need to have a chat with.’

Part I | Part III | Part IV (coming soon)

#deckerstar fanfiction #writing #The Devil Doesn't Do Children #lucifer x chloe #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #dr linda martin #lucifer goes to therapy #hurt comfort #pregnancy #murder case #trixie espinoza #post 5a #established #angst #deckerstar #lucifer on netflix #lucifer fanfiction

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calypsoff · 3 years

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Eighty Four. Part 3

Chris sent me pictures of Rylee and him together and it’s the cutest thing ever, I love that she is with her dad, and he sent me pictures too, it makes me laugh because it’s like he is holding a mini me, she seems content with her daddy and it’s pulling at my heartstrings. The selfies are cute actually, I like them. Also like that he hasn’t posted them, he’s sent them to just me, but you can tell he’s made a mess of her dress already. Like the milk belongs on her clothes, and I can even tell he’s done a diaper change, the little skirt is put wrong way, men. But it’s cute, my daughter is happy, so I am happy, but I am about to ruin the day, wish I wasn’t though but I am. I need my daughter back and with Rorrey, he’s coming to get her because I do not want her here when it all kicks off. I would say I feel nervous, but I don’t, I need to show Chris that I meant well, and I am innocent. He is feeding Chris shit about me but what I hate is that Chris is taking it, he should be saying nah that is my wife don’t speak on her like that, but he didn’t, and I want him to feel shit about it so we will see, tapping on Chris’ number, pressing my phone to my ear. Watching Rorrey walk in and sit next to Tina “hey” Chris seems out of breath “uhm, what you doing?” I questioned “Rylee fell asleep just now, and I was running away with the phone so like she doesn’t hear” looking at the clock, she’s having a nap now. It’s near the evening “so she’s been playing all that time? She been playing up” now I am concerned about my daughter “she was just turning up with me so she didn’t sleep, she was fussing so yeah” letting out an oh “shit, you don’t have the car seat” I just realised, placing my hand on my forehead “can you walk?” Why am I saying that “ignore that, I need you to come to the studio, I have a little trouble. If you can, please?” The line went silent “are you ok?” He is all concerned “yeah, just come to the studio. I have the car seat, just I don’t know. Hold her close and bring Rylee here ok?” My SUV took him to his hotel, so the seat is in there, but my driver is gone right now “yeah, but I’m concerned now?” I chuckled “just come, don’t be concerned” poor guy is panicking now, I feel bad.

I sighed out placing the phone on the soundboard “I feel like there is a master plan happening” Rorrey said looking around him, I just laughed out “a little, you don’t need to know anyways” laughing at him “you seem happier, since Chris has been around” look at him pointing it out “mhmm you think?” I chuckled “I don’t think I know; I see it with you sister, you’re very elated” I shrugged, I mean I had sex so I am going to be happy, but I will just shrug constantly “I am happy he has seen his daughter” Mel slowly made her way over to me “all good?” Nodding my head, Mel just gave me an awkward smile “imagine if he tells Chris anything, you know we are fucked” I laughed at her saying we, she is my ride or die “I know, just a little sad actually” I said in in a whisper “that he didn’t trust me? Like am I a whore? Do I seem like a woman that would” Mel blew out air “if I didn’t know you, I would say you had men. They fall at your feet Robyn, you can get any when you want, maybe he is the insecure one, you know?” Nodding my head, I guess she has a point “I hate that title, I really do because I am in a way not that kind of person. I do not sleep around, I thought Chris was different, I thought he cares for me, but he cared more for what others thought, that does hurt” nodding my head and then putting my head down “I am ok” lifting my head up again “need to deal with this at hand, get Rorrey out. Just have us here, you know” Mel nodded her head, we are on a mission.

Pressing my lips into a hard thin line as Chris came into the studio, he looks harassed and so does my daughter. She is not happy at all, he placed the baby bag down “hey” he looked around, a small smile played on my face because of how harassed he looks, Rylee is not going to be in a good mood “how did you come here?” He has no car seat “Uber, how else” he made his way over to me “is she not happy” Chris turned himself to the side, Rylee saw me and that was it for her, she cried “how long did she sleep for?” Reaching my hands out “calm down you, you are so grumpy” carefully taking Rylee from Chris, shushing her as I bought her into me “ok, I know you’re tired. It’s ok” holding her close “get me her pacifier please, Rorrey. Please, sleep first. Straight away, no playing about” watching Chris make his way to the bag “she slept like twenty minutes then you called” looking down at Rylee, she is so sad, and her eyes are tired “this what happens when you play too much” pressing a kiss to her cheek “what was the rush? Or didn’t you trust me with her” shaking my head taking the pacifier from him “take a seat, I will tell you once I settle her” placing the pacifier in Rylee’ mouth “Rorrey, as soon as you get to the apartment. Milk and sleep, she is tired, and she may sleep through actually. I will change her diaper before you go” Rorrey is really going to have an unsettled Rylee now, her routine has changed.

Rorrey left with Rylee, and I walked them out, put her in the seat and settled her so they can go back in peace. I want this over with now so yeah, this will be fun “what happened? Like I am really confused right now? Is this where you tell me we need to talk and stuff? Did I do wrong?” Shaking my head smiling at Chris “I just think you need to open your eyes with things and know the people you hang with, I have been called a liar by you, you may not have said it but I felt it, so I now have a point to prove with you, because me. I was being selfless, and I was trying to protect you in this, but I feel like I have failed in a weird way, that is because you made me feel like that, you don’t trust me, but I have to do this. It’s sad that I do but Chris, you left me no choice when you let Drake enter our marriage” Chris groaned out “not that again” he said “of course it’s that, I want you to hear something and once I know then you can go” looking at Mel “about ten minutes” she said, nodding my head “what are you doing? You are setting me up?” He is getting so uptight “Chris, it’s me. I am not setting you up, but you need to go through this to know the truth, I am your wife and I want what is best for you, you know that right?” Chris looking away from me, he isn’t happy, and I understand that, but I got to do it, I know he doesn’t trust me, but he has no choice in this right now.

Drake is coming and Chris decides it’s a great idea to kick off now about it “Robyn I am not going in there when I don’t know what the fuck you doing? What the fuck?” he shouted “don’t shout ok? Listen to me right” my eyes catching my people just watching on while he is acting like a whole ass, he didn’t need to do this but he did, of course he did “right” I breathed out, looking up at him “you don’t believe me when I told you and said what I said, you don’t even fucking believe Drake is the person I am telling you he is” Chris’ eyebrows knitted together, now I feel nervous “if you don’t do this then I can’t save the marriage we have because I look like a liar to you and I can’t live with that, you thinking I slept around” his face softened “what does Drake got to do with this?” he questioned “a lot” I swallowed hard “it was a mix up Robyn, he said you gave him mixed messaged and it was wrong” my eyes bulged out “I flat out never fucking wanted him, he is a liar. You go in that booth there, you put them headphones on, or you remain the dumb nigga he thinks you are” Chris is so fucking stubborn “he is literally coming” Mel said in a panicked tone, Chris huffed out and walked off, I breathed out closing my eyes, he is such an idiot.

I sat down on the chair; Adam is just watching on all wide eyed. He is so confused on what is happening and why this is happening, looking over at him and quickly grabbed the rolled up blunt and sat back, the studio door opened, I expected an entourage but nothing, he listened like he would “hey, my people. How are you all, Mel” lighting the blunt as he greeted everyone in the room, I am so nervous about this, like I can’t even concentrate with lighting my blunt, I am shaking “let me” Adam reached over, the poor guy is just sound engineer, he doesn’t know shit but mix and write, but he is a good guy. He lit my blunt for me, moving it back from my lips “thanks” blowing the smoke out from my lips, I am so nervous “Rihanna” looking up at Drake “I thought you was busy in Canada, I am shocked you came?” I questioned “well I said I would always be around for you, did I not. I always said this, where is my hug?” I laughed “I ran out of those; you came alone then. I expected Chris with you? Seeing as you both best friends now, I didn’t think you would come, you had family issues right?” Drake chuckled “not exactly, I needed to get away, being with niggas is just a lot. Also I am here for you, like Chris is just you know. He is acting out, he doesn’t deserve you in that way so I was like let me not bring him here, upset you” nodding my head slowly, he is full of shit “let me pull up a chair and we can listen to the song” shifting in the char.

The song Work played out, I was so silent throughout it “is this about Chris, I notice the shady lyrics now” Drake laughed “I can certainly add to it, but I may be shady too?” I shrugged “do whatever” I mumbled “so you both like splitting? You both was you know, kissing or whatever in the club, and went away? I mean we all know what happened?” looking over at Drake “we all have needs now Drake, I needed sex, he was there. Who better then your husband, don’t you think or was I giving him mixed signals?” he laughed “every word you say just seems so sexual to me, I don’t know. Maybe it is that sex appeal, but I know you really did feel me like that?” I scoffed “no I did not, that is a lie. I just can’t believe you came here though, like so quick” I said “for you, I mean who wouldn’t” he laughed “my husband?” I retorted “he is totally dumb; I would honestly not treat you the way he does. I would one hundred percent be there for you, this is why I was confused on why you got with him, I was mind blown. He is flexing on your money; you are like his mother. You really are, you have to mother him. I said to him don’t you have a backbone, like you listen to everything” my mouth fell open “so you the one that been saying shit to him, you just said to me you would do anything for me, so you just confessed to being a liar, because you would do that for me” his face softened “I mean, yeah. Like any dude would, that is what I am trying to say! I would for you” he spat; he really has been manipulating Chris.

I snapped a little there, I am actually shocked Chris hasn’t come out “I didn’t mean to snap but like you need to relax, so you going to split then with him?” he would ask again “why you asking? Why are you clowning my husband, I don’t like it” he is annoying the hell out of me “is this what rejection does to a nigga, you trying to make him look stupid?” I said, Drake sighed out “I like Chris, he is a good dude, but I feel like you can do better, that is all. He was easy to befriend you know, but are you looking to leave him?” shaking my head staring at him, Drake and I just stared at each other, and I was going to speak but Chris stumbled out and Drake shot up ever so quickly, Chris is so angry “wait, now what is this?” with a slight panic to his voice, I instantly knew what Chris was going to do as he charged over to Drake, oh he is angry but I also know Drake is very much a snitch too “Christopher no” I got up from the chair “Chris!” I shouted, Drake ran around the middle isle in the room but Chris jump on top of the isle and ran across it and at Drake, who’s made him run at me and stood behind me. Chris jumped down and this was my chance to grab his arms “Chris, no” he is so damn strong, he is literally pushing me back “Chris, please listen to me. He is not worth it!” I spat “you motherfucker, you think I am the dumb motherfucker!? Me!? Ain’t you the same nigga ducking a fucking fade from every nigga in hip hop, you pussy as fuck. Come on then, you talking about my wife! You want my wife huh” every time he is speaking I am being pushed further back “I have been set up here, can’t you see this” he is still being sly as fuck “you want my wife!? You spoke all those things about her, you made out so much shit!” Chris broke away from me and I turned around wrapping my arms around his waist, it won’t help but I got to try “Chris, don’t fight him” Mel came to help because I am being dragged around this studio. Because Drake is jumping and ducking behind every thing in this studio Chris’ anger grew and grew, me on the other hand is still trying to stop him from doing anything stupid “fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” Chris punched the wall for every time he said fuck “please calm down” I mumbled, I have never been dragged around like this.

Chris isn’t looking away from Drake, and I mean he isn’t looking away from him “I want to know why nigga! Why! I fucking rode for you! You dogged me out like that! Some sick motherfucker. You shoved women down my throat, I thought you my fucking friend! All along you ruining my marriage for what!” Chris shouted so loudly “I invited you to my wedding, you were there you played me, you played in my face. You could have came to me and said to me this what happened in the past but I don’t like her like that now, you been playing on my wife, you disrespecting me!” Chris is having a fit in the studio and has already made a hole in the wall from punching it “why? We got on, I told you shit, I thought we was bros. Oh my god” he threw his hands in the air and walked by me “oh my god” Chris mumbled turning away from us “I am sorry Chris, I really am sorry. Rihanna, she just. I needed to get her back but then I realised that it wasn’t hate, I just really fell for a woman that didn’t even know it. I did wrong but I am sorry” Drake said “you want a tissue for that?” Adam asked Chris, he is leaving blood on the soundboard “I want to jump of a cliff bro, that is what. Like everything, you literally just wanted my wife, after all that” Chris turned around and Drake made a break for it to leave, Chris pushed by me “no, Chris” chasing behind him “stop him!” I spat to anyone but he was gone out of the door so fast “oh chile” running out of the door and they both ran out of the exit and all I can hear is shouting and a loud thud. Running out of the exit door and then stopped when I saw Chris and Drake just both on the floor “stop! Please! The both of you” running down the steps, these are grown men and I can’t stop them “Chris, please get off him!” grabbing his arm but it didn’t shift at all, they are both just got a hold of each other “get off Chris please” I am not making a whole difference, Adam came rushing down after so long “I really fucking want to kill you” Adam is useless because he touched Chris’ arm and that was it “Rihanna please get him off me, just get off me. I am sorry! I said I am fucking sorry!” Drake spat, placing my hand over Chris’ hand “get up, come please. Just get off him” Chris let go of him but through gritted teeth.

Chris is limping so god knows what he did “don’t help me!” Chris spat, shaking my head as Drake got up “you’re not hit” he is literally fine “I mean we fell down the stairs Rihanna, Chris. I am sorry” he is not hurt, Drake looks fine “just leave, and stay away from him” moving back, Drake is just staring at Chris “I am sorry” he said again “just go” turning to Chris “did you hurt your leg?” he nodded his head, they very side he got shot on “damn, Adam can you help us” Chris shook his head “did you not hit him at all?” I questioned “we fell down the steps, I wanted too but then I would get locked up for that, but the way we fell. My leg, it’s in pain. You know, I didn’t know” I shushed Chris “I am going to get you a SUV, get you back to your hotel. I just wanted to show you what I was seeing, you were seeing me as something I wasn’t, he brainwashed you and I needed to prove you was wrong. I got that but check in with the hospital too, I will call you tomorrow maybe” I am not going to nurse him like a dumb bitch after that, I just needed to prove my point, Chris nodded his head with his head low, he is defeated, he is very sad “I didn’t know” Chris mumbled, his voice broke too “I am sorry” turning to Adam “help me” I just want to help him and then I can start cleaning the mess of the studio, I am sad for him.

#chrianna fanfiction #chrianna #chriannaff #chrianna ff #fanfic #fanfiction

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huearmy · 5 years

Text

Not My Friend.

Summary: Yoongi is a ordinary house cat hybrid with an ok life and a huge crush in his ower’s friend. Even if Y/N always treated him lovelly and as an equal he is all insecurities and thoughts of rejection about being a hybrid, without imagining that the feeling can be reciprocal.

Pairing: cat!Yoongi x human!Reader

Genre: FLUFF, angst, slight smut.

Words: 3737.

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: not grafic description/mention of sex.

gif is not mine.

Yoongi was kind of pissed, slightly upset... Absolutely stressed. The lights and loud music of the club did'nt help, the drunk people ingnoring him, dancing around him as if he don't exist, neither. Is unusual for him feel so bad about being who he is, but today is a day that everything screams that he is less than everyone and it won't change. He brought the last swig of his drink to his lips, sad that he could'nt get another one alone, and for the sake of his pride he would'nd ask to Namjoon.

Is also unusual for Yoongi to argue with his friend and brother Namjoon, but today is a day that things got ugly. "You know that I love you hyung. For me we are equals, but is not like this for others. Even if my friends like you, they still seeing you as my pet.". It hurted. Hurts. Because is true, and Yoongi knows it.

And it hurts so... so bad... Because for a second he belived otherwise.

The discussion started when Yoongi thought he could share with his friend the feelings he have for you. You, the pretty human friend of Namjoon, the girl who is usualy at their house with no reason, the one that give the greatest pets ever and whose conversation is so good that he wouldn’t mind that you definitely lived with him. It took too long, but when Yoongi figured out his interest in you being a really romantic thing he was so happy he couldn’t keep to himself.

“What do you think, Namjoon? How should I tell her?”

It's obvious to Yoongi that the negative reaction of Namjoon was caring, he knows his friend well enough. It wasn’t his intention to freak out and smash Yoongi heart. He is trying to protect me. He told himself for the hundredth time, fighting against resentment. He discarted his plastic cup in defeat.

And there was you. The reason of his frustration. Oblivious at his issues, dancing with your friends. Namjoon's friends. Not his friends. His stomach droped.

Yoongi sighed. He can't just not stare at you. You are so beautiful to him, feeling yourself while dancing with your eyes closed, your pretty hair swinging around your delicate shouders, hips moving with the music naturaly - because you love dancing even if you are not goot at all. Another music started making you jump and sing. He almost can smell you now.

If he wasn't a scared cat... A hybrid cat... He would be dancing with you, talking in your ears, placing his hands on your waist and pulling you close, maybe kissing you... not only picturing it in his mind. But he is a pet, not a normal guy who you would like to flirt with.

He sighed again. He remembering clearly when he first meet you two years ago.

____________________________________

Namjoon was a freshman in college, excited with everything new, the new apartament, new city, new knowledge, new friends... Every day he would enter trough the door, drop himself on the couch and speak his day out. Yoongi would listen, commenting on a thing or other once in a while. Your name was present in most stories, or the stories were about you. "I was trying to makes myself clear to the philosophy teacher when this girl spoke. She conclued my trought and argued for herself shuting up the teacher.", or "Remember that girl? Her name is Y/N and we get coffee together today. She is amazing, dude.", and "Y/N made an asshole cry today, seriuosly, she is beautful. She have that 'I don't give a fuck' atitude, you would love her, hyung". And Namjoon was right, as always.

It was on a day that Yoongi was feeling clingy and dependent of Namjoon's full attention but he was supposed to do a project with you in your place though. So insted of cancel with you to spend the day watching Netflix with Yoongi, the younger boy opted for bringing the hybrid to your apartament too.

“Dont worry, hyung. Y/N told me to bring you. Actually she was anxious to know you, she likes cute things you know...”

“Shut up.”

The poor cat was hating every second of it till you opened the door. You treated him as a old friend, greeting him with a genuine smile e tight hug.

"Enter you both and make the home yours. I bought snacks... And! I used that drive you gave me, Joonie, and already started the dissertation... You can revise if want to. It won't take so long as we through, then we can get fat cuddling on my couch."

Yoongi get unsure with you straightforward behavior at the time. But your focus was to finish your and Namjoon's work so he could get Netflix and cuddles as much as he wanted. You made coffee with cream when he said he like it and listened his complains about Namjoon breaking everything.

“Seriously is his third classes this year and we are in May.” Yoongi grunted making you laugh.

"I noticed it! Joonie always talk about you repair skills, though."

"What else he talks about me?"

You laughed throwing your head back. You both were alone in the living room, sharing a blanket.

" A lot of things!” You said “That you are savage but actually a baby... That you are a good roommate to live with... And if I ever need a a good pianist, sincere advises, or help to hide a dead body, you are the man..."

"Oh..."

He didn’t expected the two of you to talk much about him.

"And what Joonie told you about me?" You rested your chin in your palm. He take some instants to answer, and as if his brain are of jelly, it went terrible.

"He said I would love you."

Yoongi expected for a rispid response or for you to change the subject, or at least you’d laugh, somethig like it, but no. He would learn later how unpredictable you can be sometimes.

"And do you?" You asked in real interest, looking into his eyes. His cheeks turned pink, and you by instinct brought a hand to his hair and ears. You cooed "Sorry, Yoongs."

____________________________________

Thats right. You are nice to him... Gentle and kind... Always respectfull... You would enter his space and make him comfortable, or respect his distance when his not in the mood. Make silly things just to see his gummy smile and then pet his ears for hours. If any of your friends make fun of him you defend him and then make fun of them lighting the air. The fact of him being a hybrid never seems to bother you or changed the way you treated him.

He had hopes.

But he was just a pet... And you would never look at him the way he looks at you. Mesmerized by the club lights passing over your dancing body, changing color and pattern, he let himself sink a little more in self pity.

As if you could feel his dark troughts you opened your eyes and looked right trough his. His ears rose, tail moving unconscious behind him. You walked straight to him, concerned, ignoring every intoxicated person dancing in your way.

"What's wrong Yoongs?" You raised your voice because of the loud music. "Don't tell me that's nothing."

Yoongi licked his lips nervously. "I not feeling like partying. But Namjoon is having fun so I can't ask to go home now."

You seemed tipsy, he could smell the alcohol on you, along with that sweet perfume that you love and he hates, and your own scent that he loves.

You looked around, maybe looking for Namjoon, face thoughtful, wrinkling your nose cutely. Your tiny hand found it's way to his larger one, and instinctively he hold it tight. Yoongi love holding hands, especially with you.

Suddenly you smiled excited to him, getting closer to his face. So close he could kiss you...

"Do you want another drink?" You asked right in his ear, without get away an inch from him.

"What?" Yoongi asked, not understanding the purpose of the question.

Your smile spread devilishly.

"Dance with me, Yoongs. If you continue wanting to leave I'll get you home."

And then you were pulling him towards the dancing floor.

___________________________________

"Are you sure you want to do it?" His lover's voice got serious, eyes searching for his reassurance.

"I am." He answered not thinking twice.

His lover's smile were so pure and beautiful and genuine and happy that filled him of happyness too.

____________________________________

Yoongi woke up happy. He woke up in a bed that wasn't his. He didn't have to look around to recognize the room he was, the bedsheets were impregnated with your fragrance. The room was dark, the only light coming from a fissure between the curtains. He closed his eyes again, holding tight in a pillow and breathing deep. He still felt sleepy but couldn't stop his mind to revive last night.

You both danced and laughed and drinked and kissed. You made out in the club, in the Uber's backseat, in your couch...

He was naked on your bed. Things didn't stop in just make out.

Yoongi can remember clearly the view of your naked body in front of him for the first time, the lines of your silhouette, how it felt under his hands, so smooth. The way you took of his collar, never breaking eye contact, and then kissed him sweetly before riding him. How your fingers intertwined with his while he thrusted into you till you shake. Beautiful beneath him, repeating his name in moans in his soft black ears, nails finding it's way in his scalp. Your soft skin against his when everything you both could do was heavy breathing, too tired to even pull out of you. Praising him you kissed his lips again and held him close to your bare chest, playing with his hair the way he likes so much.

He never slept so well. Never felt so well with someone.

And then he realized... Where was you? Fully awake now, he searched for you under the fluffy blankets, finding nothing but your empty side of the bed. He slightly panicked.

His jeans were on the ground, beside your discarded dress, but his shirt wasn't anywhere to be seen. Would be a problem he wandering through your apartment shirtless? A ding caught his attention for a forgot cellphone under your desk chair. It was just a notification of low battery, but there were also five calls and some massages from Namjoon:

[03:18 am]: hyung I'm sorry. rly.

[03:18 am]: where are you?

[03:21 am]: I'm worried. call me back.

And then the phone died.

"Shit." He needed a charger urgent. Knowing his friend maybe he was already searching for Yoongi in hospitals, morgues and shelters.

He went to the door and suddenly stopped, hand on knob, the thought of calling Namjoon back totally erased of his mind.

You wasn't in bed with him unlike as Yoongi imagined his first morning with you. He should had woke with you in his arms, you would say "good morning" to each other in a meaningful way, then he would give little kisses in your whole face, treading to your lips to a real kiss, you would get embarrassed and hide your red cheeks in his chest... He woke up alone instead.

What if you regretted everything? You could awakened with hangover and regretted the one night stand. Or feeling awkward for sleeping with him... Or disgusted. And if you woke up and realized that you had sex with a hybrid and regretted? It wouldn't be the first experience Yoongi of this kind. A disposable kink or drunken mistake... It would hurt...

No.

You are different. After the night you had together he could trust you.

Even if you don't feel the same as him... You wouldn't kick him out of your apartment... Or cut him off of your life...

Right?

"Stop being idiot, Yoongi." He told himself. "At least you have Namjoon to buy you beer in the worst case."

Music was playing in your kitchen, a amazing smell of eggs, bacon and something sweet come meet him in the corridor. Yoongi found you humming happily, holding the door of the fridge open while searching for something.

"I'm running out of milk..." You whispered to yourself. Wearing a purple silk robe and your fluffy slippers you closed the fridge door without taking anything from inside. You did not heard Yoongi enter the kitchen neither expected him to hug you from behind, pulling your back against his chest, arms crossed in your waist. So didn't he. But you were so cute, with messy hair and being just your always self, his own scent still on you. His concerns gone, Yoongi couldn't help it unless be straightforward and reach for your touch.

You let out a yelp of surprise, grabbing his forearms, slightly sticking your nails on it. He chuckled softly at your heart rate speed up.

"Jesus, Yoongs... How are you so quiet?". You said with a hand on heart, already relaxing in his embrace.

"Sorry." His deep morning voice took you by surprise once more, spreading a shiver all over your body, making your silly mind remember the last night events, just to you get flustered. You were so chill until right now, damn. When you woke up facing a sound asleep cat, thigtly holding you close to him, you needed to hold yourself on to not squirm in excitement. Your fear was to make the atmosphere awkward between you two after being friends for so long. So you chilled up and planned to do everything right.

"You was supposed to be sleeping..." You scolded him, turning in his arms to face him, with red cheeks and pouting. "I'd take breakfast in bed for you."

Shock stamped up Yoongi's features. "Really?"

Your face reddened, suddenly the white wall was more interesting. "Really... I must treat you well."

You always treat me well, Y/N. Yoongi through to himself, but by your tone and the slight smirk in your adorable lips, he could tell the difference. "Ok.". He gulped.

"Since you are here... Sit." You said, getting apart from him. "I'll feed my Yoongs.".

Instantly he felt the loss of your warmth and contact, but at the same time he melted with the sound of your voice calling him "my Yoongs". Once you turned your attention back to breakfast again, he choose the chair next to the window, where there was sunlight and he could see the busy avenue below - many cars going to somewhere, and people like tiny ants doing their own thing in their own lives, and the river running and shining below the bridge, on the other side was the park Yoongi like to go with you... You were singing along with the music now, serving the table before him, your cleavage exposed by the robe - apparently you were wearing nothing else... Maybe panties too... He scolded himself, biting his thumb's nail to focus on something else, but then he noticed hickeys in the curve of your breasts and in your neck.

"Fuck." He whispered.

But in your not too large kitchen, you listened it clearly.

"What was it?" You let ou a nervous giggle.

"Nothing." Yoongi rested his elbows in the table, hiding face in hands. He couldn't handle look at you with the thought of biting and marking you and make you his and his only in mind. Last night he did so much effort to not do it without your consent, and even more effort to not ask, afraid of rejection.

You brought him back from his dreaminess, pulling him against you, petting his ears and hair. His tense body relaxed instantly.

"Did you sleep well? Need aspirin for headache or something?" You quietly asked, resting your chin on top of his head.

"No. I'm ok." He snuggled his face in the tender skin, scenting you.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. You hummed.

"Oh!" You frozed. "Namjoon is super worried about you...! Like... He called me twenty-four times and left thousands of voice mails and massages..."

He licked his lips.

"I need a charger to tell him I'm ok."

You pout.

"I already did it, silly. I told him you are here with me, safe and sound, and that I won't give you back till you get grumpy.". He smiled and you mirrored it. Then you got serious, tracing his jawline with your index finger. "He think you are upset with him... and you really was not ok yesterday. What happened?"

Yoongi gulped. He can be sincere with you.

"Namjoon can be an asshole sometimes. We argued, and I disappeared from the club, my phone is dead so..."

"It seems you are giving him the cold shoulder." You pointed.

"I'm not." He finally closed his arms around you. " I just forget about him when with you."

Your heart speeded up again, making him smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Due to his hesitancy, you added. "You don't need to."

"He told me to not expect too much from our... His friends. 'Cuz most of them only see me as a pet of him."

You remained silent for a moment, and then sighed.

"We really have some friends that are... Ignorants. And we can't do anything about it. But there's Hoseok and Jin who understand that hybrids aren't different of humans, and is obvious for me how much they like you."

"I know... I know." Yoongi pressed his eyes tightly. "We argued because... being an hybrid there's limits that I can't cross... At some point I'll be repelled, even by Hoseok, Jin..." He gulped again. "Even by you."

You pulled away, eyebrows joinig in irritation. Your words sounded offended.

"Seriously, Yoongi? After years knowing each other, didn't I make my positioning and support to hybrid clear? Or my affection for you? For heaven's sake...! We had sex. How can you doubt..."

"It wouldn't be the first time of being the fetish of someone that thinks I'm not a man at all." He interrupted.

You shuted up.

The angry expression faded away from your features, replaced by shock and then sadness. In your absence of words, Yoongi continued.

"I was afraid you would regret last night... I even through you would cut me off of your life, or at least kick me out of the apartment..." He let out a mockery laugh, not handling to look you in the eyes anymore. "You will be judged for sleeping with a hybrid. And I don't want it. Don't want you being treated differently by anyone...".

You approached again, taking his face in your tiny hands, lovely caressing his cheeks with your soft thumbs - just like last night, and he almost expected for you to kiss him. You were being soft and caring, but at same time, firmly make him look you straight in the eyes.

"I'm already judged, Yoongs. A lot of people think I'm fool and talk about me behind my back." The voice that reached his ears was so soft now. You opened a smile of pure pride. "And I don't give a damn.".

He couldn’t break eye contact, he couldn't dare to blink and lost a second of the sight of you.

"It don't matter for me race, gender, age, sexual orientation... If you have fluffy ears and tail or not. I'll love and respect everybody equally. At least I try, reading about and listening, and learning what I don’t know. You can always tell me what you are felling or where I’m failing..."

You have beautiful eyes and now they were sad again.

"I don't care about what those...bastards talk about hybrids... And I'm sorry for your past experiences..." You took a deep breath. Thinking in someone having the opportunity of be with Yoongi and choosing to break his heart make you sick. "For me you are an amazing man.".

"These words mean the world to me, Y/N." Yoongi said in his breath, feeling belonging as never before.

"You welcome, Yoongs."

___________________________________

A lazy saturday came along after this. You both spend all day cuddling in the couch, netflix on, or sharing earphones, and chit chating here and there. When the hunger came you ordered take out and decided who would get up and pay the delivery guy with rock paper and scissors. Yoongi lost it, but you got up anyways to pick plates and forks. And then you were tangled under the covers once more.

Hanging out like this is not unusual for you two. But it felt odd for Yoongi, different from before, like it was the first time. Sleeply observing you scrolling through your social media, Yoongi conclued that If having sex with you didn't ruined the friendship you have, expressing his feelings probably would.

But Yoongi wanted be in the same page as you.

You were watching a video on Instagram, not really focused on it, with your free hand playing with his hair, making him even more sleepy. You could feel his gaze on you, but besides the butterflys in your belly, it doesn't make you uncomfortable at all.

"Y/N..." He said in his low voice.

"Humm?" Blocking the cellphone's screen, you stared back at him. Your nose at centimeters from his.

He took your hand, circulating his thumb in the torso of it in a caring way. The gesture not passing unnoticed by you.

"I need you to know... Even if it isn't reciprocal... Last night had a whole meaning for me. I like like you, Y/N."

You stated at him in silence for a moment, making the whole world freeze. Before the conversation you both had in the kitchen that morning, Yoongi would be panicking, already regretting telling you such a thing. Now he just waited.

Like he wanted to, you smiled. With your beautiful lips, warm eyes, and all your body too.

"I know, sleepyhead."

You leaned to him, he came to you too, no hesitation. And that's it. He was kissing you again.

"We must talk about this reciprocity thing later." You whispered against his mouth.

Yoongi was kind of horny, slightly euphoric... Absolutely happy.

___________________________________

So, I really hope you liked it, pls interact, tell what you think... I’ll be posting more if I have a good feedback, probably a witch!au with Jin :) kiss kiss pls I dont want to be insecure about it kiss kiss.

#bts hybrid fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts fluff #bts blog #min yoongi #cat!yoongi #hybrid bts #hybrid yoongi #yoongi x reader #suga #bangtanshadowfamily

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mrsdr-ethan-ramsey · 5 years

Text

Rookie (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

Y’all, I couldn’t stop myself from writing this at like 12:30 last night. I literally fell asleep writing, but I needed to feel more angst. Honestly my biggest fear is that Ethan will start calling someone else Rookie. Plus it was an excuse not to do homework. I hope you all like it! (Also if you have any ideas or requests with Ethan, I would be more than excited to try to write them!)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Parker Kennedy)

Summary: When Parker hears Ethan call another intern Rookie, she can’t stop herself from confronting him.

Warnings: Angsttttttt, cause I love and hate how much Parker and Ethan hurt right now

Word Count: ~2500

‘So far, so good’ Parker thought as she maneuvered through the familiar halls of Edenbrook. She was off to pick up her intern, Esme Ortega, after delivering the results from the diagnostics patient she tested early today. She felt like she was on autopilot as she thought back to her discussion with Dr. Ramsey.

“We’ll be okay. We’ll make it work.”

Her heart still stopped as she thought about those words. To anyone else it would sound like they were talking about work; about their professional relationship. But they weren’t. He held her hand as he told her those words. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand so lightly that if she hadn’t looked down she probably would have missed it. Was he talking about their work relationship? A little bit. Was he talking about their personal relationship? She hoped to some greater being that he was. Needless to say, she felt like she was on top of the world.

Once she reached the nursing desk, she found Esme talking with Jackie and her intern, Molly Addison, adamantly. Parker put her best smile on her face as she came over.

“Hey all! How were rounds? Sorry I had to miss it Esme.”

Esme looked over at Parker, obviously not enjoying her peppy attitude. “It was fine.”

“Oh my gosh, no it was amazing!” Molly squealed. At this, both Jackie and Esme cringed. Parker hid her slight annoyance for the young red head as she gushed about all the ‘super cool!’ things they had seen! Parker only slightly regretted asking her about rounds, but she was happy that the young intern was enjoying her time at Edenbrook.

“I’m glad you’re finding your place here!” Parker smiled, “But I’ve got to talk to Esme about a couple things. We’ll see you guys later!”

Esme quickly followed Parker whispering a small ‘Thank God’ as Jackie sighed, being left with the human version of sunshine and bubble gum.

***

After a couple hours of showing Esme the ropes and watching her present her case, she finally found herself back at the nurse’s station. She was about to congratulate Esme on her stellar performance so she could see her roll her eyes again before she heard a deep voice call down the hall.

“Rookie!”

Parker’s head immediately snapped to the familiar voice, ready to go help with Dr. Ramsey with whatever he needed. Just as she was about to head over, she watched Molly skip over.

“Yes Dr. Ramsey?” She asked sweetly, her voice dripping with desire.

Parker couldn’t hear the rest as her high from earlier quickly died. He obviously called her that before because she came right over and he started talking to her. When did he start calling other people Rookie? That was her nickname! Right? Although, he did seem reluctant to call her Rookie when she saw him at Donahue’s…but that doesn’t matter. The point is, he had only ever called her rookie. Now suddenly this beautiful intern was Rookie?

“Woah, Parker. Don’t think too hard. There’s going to be smoke coming from you soon,” Elijah called, snapping her out of her internal panicking.

Parker turned to see Elijah and Sienna coming up, their interns following close behind. They seemed good, not overly excited like Molly but more open to conversation than Esme.

“Second year doctors meeting only,” Parker said quickly, tugging Sienna and Elijah some ways away from their interns.

“What’s up P?” Elijah asked.

“That!” Parker whispered angrily as she gestured towards Dr. Ramsey and Molly talking down the hall. “He called her Rookie!”

At this, both the doctors’ eyes widen.

“Seriously?!” Sienna exclaimed. She wouldn’t be happy to beat up Dr. Ramsey, but if Parker needed her to she would happily kick his ass back to the Amazon.

All three of them turned their eyes turned back to Dr. Ramsey and the intern. He must have felt their eyes on him, because his attention immediately turned and shot them a little glare. In panic the three quickly ran off with their interns, hoping to avoid the wrath of Dr. Ramsey.

***

Parker tried not to think about how betrayed she felt. She really did, but it always seemed to be nudging her in the back of her mind no matter where she was. She bumped into six different people because she had been so distracted about it. That’s how she ended up wide awake in her bed at 2:30 am. Her body rolling around under the covers, hearing Ethan say Rookie only to have the young intern bounce up to him happily. She was pretty, Parker did have to admit that. Her hair was naturally red, layered with different shade of red and orange that made it look like flames. She was small with a near perfect figure. Parker, on the other hand, was scrawny right now and slowly starting to gain weight now that Sienna was making sure she ate three meals a day. While Parker had brown-green muddy eyes, Molly’s eyes were crystal blue. Seriously, how could a man resist a girl like Molly?!

Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or the desperation to know what was going on, but Parker found herself climbing out of bed quickly. She pulled on leggings and a baggy sweatshirt before she called an Uber. Tip toeing through her apartment, she was glad Landry was no longer there. If he had, she wouldn’t be surprised if he was up ‘getting ready to go to the hospital’ as this time. She rolled her eyes at this thought before slipping a pair of shoes on and hurriedly leaving her building.

The ride was short without the normal traffic of the busy city. 2:45 was an excellent time to drive through Boston, Parker thought as she stared out the window at the lights flying by. The towering buildings were a dramatic change from her Midwest home, and she loved it. She was meant to be here; she could feel it deep within her.

Once at Ethan’s apartment, she thanked her driver and tipped her generously for driving her at such an awful time. Parker than moved towards the familiar building, pressing his apartment number praying the buzzing would wake him up. After a bit with no response, she repeatedly hit the button over and over (she knew this would annoy him awake).

“I swear if this is a prank I will call the cops,” she heard Ethan’s familiar voice crackled angrily through the intercom, Jenner barking in the background.

Quickly, she hit the speak button and said urgently, “Ethan! It’s Parker! I need to talk to you, now!”

“Parker?” He sounded confused, and tired.

Before she could reply, she heard the lock click. She didn’t waste any time getting into the building, hitting the number for his floor. The elevator shot up, brining her closer to a sleepy (and more than likely pissed) Ethan Ramsey. When she was outside his door, she hesitated. Was she really going to barge into Ethan’s apartment and demand to know why he’s calling Molly, Rookie? This was crazy! She was crazy! She should just go home, and if Ethan asks her just deny, deny, deny. She could convince him it was a dream, right? Ugh, who was she kidding. Ethan’s too smart to fall for that plan, she thought. Instead, she stood at the door; petrified as she lifted her hand and knocked gently against the wood.

Ethan had never been a heavy sleeper, so when he heard his buzzer go off the first time he thought it had been someone hitting the wrong number. After it keep going incessantly and Jenner started barking, he forced himself out of his light sleep to scare the kids ringing his buzzer shitless. He had been more than surprised to hear Parker’s voice and quickly let her into the building, assuming that something had happened. He couldn’t think of another reason as to why she’d come 3 am. He swung the door open, preparing for the worst, but was surprised to see her completely fine.

“Parker, what’s wrong?”

Hearing his voice, heavy and low with sleep she lost her train of thought. All she could think about was how she had woken up to that voice before. How he kept her in bed as long as possible, knowing that when they left her room it’d be over. She just hadn’t expected him to replace her so quickly.

“Did I mean nothing to you?” she whispered, barely audibly. Tears threatened to stream, but she refused to cry in front of him. She already felt like a child compared to him, if she cried in front of him it would be the icing on the cake. But Ethan could easily see through her, so he opened the door wider to let her in. He wouldn’t let her cry in the hallway.

As she crossed into his space, Ethan’s brows furrowed in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“Rookie.”

Ethan’s face flushed. “You heard that?”

Radio silence. Neither knew what to say to make this situation better. There was an invisible wall between the two and neither were quite sure how to take it down. Parker had tried that first night at Donahue’s when she kissed him, only to receive the nicest rejection she had ever gotten. She had hoped that seeing her and kissing her again would remind him of what they had before he vanished. Unfortunately, he had a much better resolve than her. So now she didn’t know what to do. She had no backup plan on how to win him back over.

“If you weren’t interested in me, you could have just told me…if you just wanted someone prettier you could have just said, you didn’t need to string me along for two months and then flirt with another girl in front of me to make that point.”

“I wasn’t flirting with her Parker. Christ.” He ran his hands through his bed head. How had she gotten that from one conversation with an intern whose name he couldn’t even remember? Did she really think that he’d try to get with an intern when he just told her that they need to keep a professional relationship? Did she really think that low of him?

He locked eyes with her. “I didn’t know her name and couldn’t be bothered to ask.”

Parker looked back at him, begging his deep ocean eyes to tell her the truth. She saw that he was actually hurt that she had thought he was flirting with another intern. She felt stupid for jumping to conclusions, but it had hurt to hear him call another person ‘Rookie’. If he was looking for a sure way to drive her crazy, he found it without even trying.

“I…I guess I had always thought I was your Rookie. I didn’t think you’d drop it as soon as you got back…”

“Parker,” he said gently, “You’re not a Rookie anymore. You’re a skilled doctor who earned her way onto the nation’s top diagnostics team. I assumed you wouldn’t want me calling you that anymore.”

He was right, as usual. Anyone else listening in would probably find the nickname degrading, not endearing like she did. She couldn’t fight his rationale behind the name change, so instead she looked down at her feet like a child caught stealing a cookie. Ethan looked at her small frame, finally analyzing her. She seemed a little off than what he had remembered her being two months ago. She seemed a little duller, not as wide-eyed and hopeful as she did when she first walked through Edenbrook. He hated that she lost her sparkle under his watch; he had no one to blame but himself.

Parker made her way to the floor to ceiling windows, looking out over the bay as she crossed her arms protectively in front of her. She was putting up a barricade around herself, hoping to ease the pain. If the wall between them wasn’t coming down, she’d simply put one around herself to stop her from trying to scale or break it down to get to him. “You still have the best view in all of Boston.”

“I’ve learned to appreciate it more,” Ethan said with a sad smile, thinking about how Parker had pointed the view out to him the first night they were together. That felt so long ago. He studied her shrunken frame. She looked at home in his space. He loved that, but he knew he shouldn’t get used to it.

Ethan heard her let out a small yawn, reminding himself of the time. “Why do you get a little rest before your shift. You take my bed; I’ll take the couch.”

At the offer, Parker turned back to look at him. “Oh, you don’t need to do that. I’m fine on the couch.”

“Nope. My house, my rules.” He insisted, as he lead her into his bedroom. He made quick work ordering Parker to take off her shoes and get in the bed. Once she was laying down, he pulled the covers up around her.

Parker let out a yawn as she looked up at Ethan sleepily. “Thank you.”

“You’re always welcome here Parker.”

As she closed her eyes and flipped onto her stomach, Ethan couldn’t stop his heart from going wild. Seeing Parker Kennedy back in his bed made him wish that he could wake up to this view every day. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed next to her and pull her into his chest, whispering sweet nothings as she drifted off. Fuck, he had never been a romantic before she came barging into his life. He hated that she did this to him, but loved it just the same. Fighting every urge in his body to get into the bed, he walked out to the living room and sat down on the couch. Flicking on the lamp, he slid his glasses on and began to read a new medical journal as Jenner slept happily at his feet.

***

The morning had been weird for Parker and Ethan, but they maneuvered it as gracefully as they could…like a baby giraffe learning how to walk. They stumbled around kitchen making coffee and toast. He even offered to give her a ride to the hospital. As they walked in, they saw Baz walking in as well, so Ethan (ever so smooth) made the comment that ‘He and Dr. Kennedy had met early to discuss her role on the team’. Parker couldn’t help but smile at this as she went off to find Esme and start the day.

Late in the afternoon at the nurse’s station, Parker caught a glimpse of Dr. Ramsey talking to Molly again. Her stomach flipped and she tried not to listen in to the conversation…but she really couldn’t help herself.

“Dr. Addison, I expect the results on my desk by 6. And your patient better not be dead.” He said sternly, leaving Molly with a shocked look on her face.

As Dr. Ramsey stormed off, he met Parker with a soft smile. He may not call her Rookie at work, but he knew he couldn’t call anybody else her nickname.

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woah-were-halfway-there · 5 years

Text

The Most Stressful Time of the Year.

A/N: Just a little something I thought up over these past few days that is pure fluff. (And my first hockey player one shot, yikes, so please be nice) Hope you enjoy 😊.

Word Count: 2.1k

“Aus, hey.”

Although your boyfriend was partially aware that he was being called, he was too focused on his phone to even bother giving whoever was talking to him any attention.

“Auston?”

His brows furrowed as he read through his text conversations with you. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The two of you were talking about a possible date to the Toronto Christmas Market in the upcoming weeks before you wished him luck, and he had to put his phone away to get ready for the game in Philly.

It was a tough loss against the Flyers, and the entire team was in pretty low spirits because of it, but what threw Auston off, even more, was how when they were getting ready to leave the arena, and he finally looked at his phone again, there wasn’t a single notification from you.

He was almost positive it was nothing, but he’d grown accustomed to having at least one message from you as soon as he got off the ice. It was your thing. After every game, you would always say how proud you were and how much you loved him, regardless of the score. Auston appreciated it immensely, and although he had grown so used to such a small yet meaningful action, it still made the butterflies in his stomach flutter with affection. So, to not see a message from you after a game; made him worry a little bit.

You were in the midst of exam season at uni and up to your ears in homework, which was why you didn’t tag along for the trip to Philadelphia in the first place so that you could attend the game in Toronto the following night; maybe go to the Raptors game the night after. Before the game, you told Auston that you’d be up late finishing your assignments and would meet him at Pearson just like you usually did. What you didn’t tell him though, was just how exhausted you were with everything going on in life at the moment. Although he did ask you how you were doing on multiple occasions earlier in the day, you insisted that you were fine and made sure to not show how tired you were during a brief facetime call the two of you shared.

As soon as he dipped out of the dressing room, Auston called you. Again, it was something he always did after a game; but when he was instantly met with your voicemail… he was a bit confused. So, he sent you a text.

Auston

Heading to the airport now. Can’t wait to see you, x.

He couldn’t help but anxiously glance at his phone every time it buzzed with a new notification in hopes that it was you saying you’d gone to get a bite to eat or something. However, when the device dinged, and it wasn’t a message from you, his facial features would fall slightly, and he’d let out a sigh; gestures that didn’t go unnoticed by his teammates as they made their way through the airport terminal.

As everyone boarded the plane, Auston tried once more to call you, getting in the way of John and William as they tried to pass him in the narrow hallway. He didn’t realize at the time, but a few of the guys were watching as he began pacing and stressfully pushing his free hand through his hair once reluctantly hung up his phone after being met by your voicemail again. It was then they decided maybe someone should see what was going on.

Freddie was the one who decided to step up and ask what was up. But it still took him a few tries to actually gain his teammates’ attention.

“MATTHEWS!”

Jumping at the sudden outburst behind him, Auston was quick in whipping around to face Freddie. “Woah! What’s your deal?”

“My deal? What’s your deal? You’ve been acting weird since we left the arena. Everything alright?”

Auston sighed.

“You’re going to think it’s pathetic.”

“More pathetic than I already think you are?” Freddie quipped. “I’m kidding. Clearly, something is bothering you. What’s going on?”

With another sigh, Aus explained the situation. He said how he didn’t want to think much about it because maybe you were just busy with schoolwork, but there was also this weird feeling about it all that he couldn’t shake. What if something happened to you?

Freddie was able to see where he was coming from easily. He knew of yours and Auston’s cheesy antics, having seen it first hand since the two of you started dating, and to be completely honest, even he found it a little strange that no one could get ahold of you… especially Auston.

“That is a little weird, not going to lie.”

“I know,” your boyfriend huffed as a flight attendant came by to say they’d be departing soon and for them to please take their seats. “I’m probably overthinking it, but, ugh, I don’t even know…”

“It’s part of your routine, man,” Freddie reasoned. “You’re worried cause you’re not used to suddenly not hear from her, any of us would be if it were our girlfriend. But, we’ll be back in Toronto in a couple of hours. I’m sure she’s fine and will be there waiting to pick you up.”

“You’re right, thanks, man,” Auston replied with a smile before getting into his seat and trying to relax for the flight home.

As soon as the plane landed and he was able to turn his phone off airplane mode, Auston stared at his phone, hopefully, thinking it would light up with just one simple message from, but still nothing. His face fell immediately, growing even more anxious as he gathered his things and exited the plane.

You ended up not being at the gate waiting for him, and that made him feel even worse. Panicked even. So, he tried calling you again to make sure you were ok.

All he cared about at that point was knowing that you were safe. He couldn’t have cared less about you not picking him up or texting him after the game; right then, all he wanted to know was that nothing had happened to you, and all would be fine. But yet, he still couldn’t get an answer.

“Hey, she’s probably at home asleep or at the library studying or something,” Mitch spoke up from behind him. “I just got off the phone with Steph, she was talking to her earlier tonight. Said she was exhausted but had a lot to work to do, I’m sure she’s fine, Aus.”

I’m sure she’s fine. No matter how many times he was told that it was becoming harder for Auston to believe. However, there wasn’t much he could do while stuck at Pearson and you somewhere downtown.

“Yeah, um, I think I’ll just stop by her apartment… Don’t think she’d be at the library this late. Think I could catch a ride with you and Mo?”

“Of course, let's go.”

The three men made their way into the city as quickly as they could with the odd late-night traffic. Your apartment was a one-bedroom in the Church-Wellesley Village. It resided above a coffee shop, and even with its small size, you never complained, despite it being in a rougher part of Toronto’s downtown core when comparing it to where Auston’s fancy condo was. You found it after your first year of university as you were moving out of student residence and had stayed there since. However, after dating Auston for as long as you have, you pretty much lived with him and had plans to not renew your lease in the spring so that you could properly move in together.

But your apartment was near your school, so it made sense that you crammed yourself up there rather than at Auston’s with how early some of your exams could be, and how much you hated waking up for them. Also, that’s where you said you were when you and he talked earlier in the day.

You liked your apartment, to put it simply, and although you’d never admit it… you much preferred being at Auston’s when he was there as opposed to alone because it didn’t quite feel like home just yet.

When Morgan pulled up outside of your building, Auston was quick in grabbing his stuff and bolting. He muttered a quick thanks and goodbye to his teammates, saying he’d keep them updated, before digging the key you gave him out of his pocket so he could use it to let himself in. He made his way up the dingy staircase to the second floor and walked down to the hall to your door, taking a deep breath before opening it and hopefully seeing you on the other side.

But your apartment was dark and empty.

Auston could see indications that you were there at some point when he switched the light on, but after a quick look through the space, he determined you were definitely not there. But where could you be? It was too late for the library to be open, he was sure someone would’ve known if you’d gone to a friend from school to study… but no one knew anything. It was as if you had vanished.

He raked his mind for ideas of where you could be, and the only other place he could think of was his condo. Again, although you never admitted it, Auston knew you didn’t love being at his condo alone. He was determined to make it feel like home for you and things were definitely progressing in that direction, but you still hadn’t moved in fully and he was pretty sure you wouldn’t want to be there on your own until that happened. But he figured there was nowhere else you could possibly be, so that’s where he headed.

It was a short Uber ride from your apartment down to where his condo was, but for Auston, it seemed like ages. He didn’t make very much conversation with the driver, just the basic hellos and how are yous, all while his knee bounced anxiously and, he wished he could just get there faster.

As soon as he arrived, he was rushing through the building's front doors and to the elevators. It took dreadfully long for him to finally get to his floor before the doors opened again and, he hurried down the hallway to his unit. He was quick unlocking the door and pushing it open, before letting out an audible sigh when he was able to see inside.

You were completely passed out. Curled up on the large sectional in the living room, surrounded by various notes and textbooks with your laptop still open on the glass coffee table. The blinds on the windows were still open, showcasing the nights CN tower light show in the distance, while Sportsnet's late-night reruns of NHL highlights played on the flat-screen TV.

Auston couldn’t help but chuckle at himself over how worried he’d gotten, but also at his relieved he was just to know you were safe.

With a slight shake of his head, he dropped his things by the door, took his shoes off, and made his way over to you. He gently scooped you up off the couch bridal style, smiling as you unconsciously nuzzled into his chest, and carried you to the bedroom. He tried so hard to not wake you, but struggled in opening the door while making sure to not drop you in the process; ultimately resulting in you being jolted awake.

“Aus?” You muttered sleepily while knuckling at your eyes. “W-when did you get home? What time is it?”

“Almost 3am,” he replied with a soft smile.

“What!? I- oh my god, I thought I set an alarm to wake me up if I fell asleep. I didn’t even see the whole game.”

“Trust me, you didn’t miss much. Was worried about you though, couldn’t get ahold of you regardless of how hard I tried.”

“Oh,” you said quietly as he laid you down on the bed and tucked you in before beginning to strip down to his boxers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- oh shit, I was supposed to pick you up I-.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he chuckled as he switched off the light and crawled into the bed beside you. The loud yawn you let out as he pulled you into his chest didn’t go unnoticed by him, and he couldn't help his smile as you instinctively cuddle up against him. “I’m just glad you’re safe. Are you ready for your exam tomorrow?”

“I think so.”

“Good. Let’s get some rest then, yeah?”

“Deal,” you answered while letting your body gradually relax as you began falling sleep again. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied and placed a soft peck to your forehead before holding onto you just a little bit tighter than usual, and eventually let himself drift off into a peaceful sleep as well.

#nhl imagines #nhl writing #nhl fanfiction #auston matthews #nhl imagine #auston matthews imagines #auston matthews fanfiction #hockey imagines #toronto maple leafs imagine #hockey imagine #hockey fanfiction #auston matthews imagine #hockey rpf #nhl rpf #nhl headcanon

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chaoticneutralwriter · 5 years

Text

Jamais Vu

A remedy, a melody A memory that only I will have If we stop here Would it be better to just turn everything off?

guardian demon!Jimin x reader

genre: supernatural, romance, comedy, angst, fluff

word count: 13.5k

related works: see Masterlist under guardian demon!Jimin

Continuation of Second Act: Temperance

A/N: IT’S HERE!! AHHHHHH TT-TT This chapter, we’re finally heading to the concert! :O what other sorts of things can possibly happen here...? 👀 👀 LOLL As always, thank you so much for all of you guy’s patience and the endless love and support i’ve been getting through your asks! I really truly appreciate you all for sticking it out for this story!! 💖💖💖🥺🥺🥺 As always, I hope you enjoy!

Tag: @cherryjiminiee @kokobaekkie @breathebangtan @itsadoozie @thatshylatinagirl @chiminieboi @azulamakesmeblank @sectumsemptae @awkwardwookie @aduky @poisonseashell @shortannoyingginger

“Hey Y/N, we’re here.” A hushed voice along with a gentle nudge stirs you from your half-slumbering stupor. Blinking, you sluggish look around, mind beginning to catch you up on where you are and what’s happening as you hear the car doors open. It takes a minute but you eventually get your butt into gear, taking off your seatbelt and exiting the car as well to round to the back where your friend, Rosa, and the Uber driver were unloading your luggages.

You hastily make to grab yours, the last of it and place it onto the four wheels before pulling up the handle.

“Thank you so much for the drive.” Rosa thanks the driver, a fairly elderly man who’s been nothing but sweet and accommodating to the both of you despite it being nearly the ass crack of dawn.

“It’s not a problem. You two have fun on your trip; take care and be careful okay? There’s been too many horrible stories about young women traveling alone lately.” He says it kindly, almost like a grandfather to their granddaughters and even though you’re so tired, you can’t help but to smile in return.

“We will sir. You take care driving out there too.”

He nods before waving you two off as you and your friend shuffle onto the island. When he pulls away from the curb, you hear your friend take a deep breath in before exhaling. Turning to her, you catch her eyes and she grins at you, white teeth peeking out past the tops of the neck pillow she has on.

“It’s really happening.” She says, a little breathless — nervous yet excited.

You nod, her giddiness, although self-contained (you had a feeling it was because it’s so early and she’s mindful to the people who aren’t as awake yet i.e. you), is still contagious, the smile on your own lips stretching a bit wider.

You both head on inside, rolling your luggages along until you come upon the many self-checkin kiosks placed in the large terminal. The process was thankfully made easy with no need to send anything off; the trip was short and thus, Rosa and you have settled on just having one carry-on case and a crossbody handbag (or in Rosa’s case, backpack) each. With that done in no time, the next thing on the list was finding your correct gate, go through security and then finding the nearest Starbucks to ingest as much coffee as your body will allow you to.

Contrary to Jimin’s advice on getting as much rest as you can, you felt like you hardly got any sleep at all. Your restlessness was caused by many things — nerves from flying out for the first time with a friend, navigating your way through a city you’ve never been to until now, the excitement of not missing out on seeing a BTS concert when you were so sure you wouldn’t be going, it all felt so surreal to you, even as you’re strolling through the airport amongst many other people who bustle along with you, either arriving from a flight or off to catch one like yourselves.

But rising above everything, like a tumultuous wave ready to crash down on you, was your guardian demon. It should be no surprise really as it seems he’s constantly occupying your thoughts nowadays, a permanent resident and not paying rent though you think this time around, you can forgive it. The worry you have for him had remained firmly in the back of your mind, festering and growing until it too, joined in with the other thoughts keeping you tossing and turning that night.

Jimin told you that he would be meet you at the gate in spite of just coming out of a two-day coma from a near death experience; something that you can’t process at all. Even though he’s reassured you that he would heal in time, the very thought of the slight chance he could be putting up a front didn’t sit well with you, made worse that it’s more likely than not. Before you know it, the anxiety is eating at you and already, you’ve caught yourself doing double-takes for the fifth time, mistaking someone else for him. It’s embarrassingly made you prone to spacing out, so much that an officer at one point had to nudge you along because you were holding up the line during the screening process.

Thankfully, you make it through without further incident (though your cheeks are red and you kinda want to curl up in a corner somewhere but that would probably get you sent to an interrogating room under suspicious behaviour).

“Oh hey, I see our gate.” Rosa’s voice breaks through your thoughts, forcing you to take in the overhanging sign indicating that and the fairly empty seating area. Beyond the large windows overlooking the runway, the sky is still dark, the barest soft orange hues peeking through along the horizon. You’re about an hour and a half early for your flight, glad that the ample time you’ve given yourself arriving to the airport was used well because you weren’t in a panicked rush in finding your gate and risk missing your flight. Furthermore, you now have the leisure to do the next thing on your list — finding some food and caffeine.

“I think most of the cafes and other eating places are just a little further down that way.” Rosa comments, stretching her neck to peer down the long pathway before turning back to you. “Do you want to stay here and I’ll go grab us something or…?”

You smile, shaking your head. “No I’ll come with. I think I need to keep moving around to stay awake at this point.”

You choose to leave out the fact that you’re also feeling a little too fidgety, your anxiety not allowing you to stay put.

So the both of you wander further down the terminal, taking advantage of the moving walkways when they come and eventually come across the duty free stores, some luxury brand boutiques, and of course, the cafes and eateries. There’s a decent amount of foot traffic here despite the early hours, though you suppose you shouldn’t really be surprised — the airport only ever gets busier so to some, this might be considered ‘quiet’.

“Which place? Starbucks, A&W’s… I see Second Cup too. Is that a Mcdonald’s?” Rosa lists out loud before audibly gasping at the prospect of seeing the faint traces of the trademark ‘M’. You squint your eyes too, trying to make out if it was indeed your potential elixir of life and can’t help the snort that escapes you.

“It’s a McCafe, which is close enough so let’s go.”

Rosa giggles, falling into step beside you as you both make your way over. Fifteen minutes later, you’ve got a muffin and a medium ice coffee in hand. The shock of the cold drink in your system has you feeling more alert but the effect doesn’t last long nor does the caffeine (you swear it’s actually making you sleepier). You walk around for a while longer, looking at things you can’t afford and nibbling on your chocolate muffin before you lose your appetite halfway eating through the top half. Stuffing the remaining into your crossbody, you continue to follow after Rosa, your conversations kept light by the underlying buzz for your upcoming travels and yet you feel like you’re not all really there yourself.

“Hey, Y/N….Y/N?”

“O-Oh! Yeah sorry?” Your gaze snaps back to Rosa, unaware that you had become lost in watching people pass by the shop you and Rosa were in.

Your friend chuckles, giving you a wry smile. “You were spacing out hard fam. I think you need to take a nap.”

“Hey, have pity on me. I am not a fully functioning human-being any time before 12PM, at most.” You reply defensively in half truth. In the end, it’s decided that you should both head back to your gate to wait out the rest of your time there. The seating area has become fuller when you arrive, at least in terms of an early flight which thankfully means you still have no trouble in finding a place by an outlet to hunker down until your boarding time an hour later.

You practically sink into your seat, the exhaustion encompassing you like the flannel blanket you should’ve brought along with you just as a yawn threatens to tear your mouth open.

“Oh my God, we need to board soon before I just pass out right here and miss the flight entirely.” You say around it, stretching your arms before you cross them to get comfortable.

“For real, but luckily you have me to haul your ass onto the plane. It shouldn’t be too long now…” Your friend remarks, taking the seat beside you. She peers out at the runway, the sun already rising and daybreak beginning to light the sky an azure blue but even that isn’t enough to pull you from teetering over the edge of sleep again. You fall into companionable silence, Rosa occupying herself with her phone while you begin to drift in and out of a haze, a confusing seesaw between staying awake and drifting off. You don’t notice how the time pass as when you’re nudged gently on the side, you find your friend grinning at you like a Cheshire Cat.

“We’re twenty minutes from boarding fam! Watch my stuff for a second while I go use the washroom? I don’t want to have to go while we’re 5000ft off the ground.”

Your astounded expression pulls a laugh from her, no doubt picking up on your lack of time awareness but nonetheless, you smile with a nod, voicing your own desire to probably do the same after she’s back so please hurry, the ice coffee needs to be drained from your bladder too. She takes off in a brisk walk, beelining straight to the overhanging sign indicating the facility and make to stretch out your arms and crack your stiff joints. Lifting your gaze, you scan the sitting area, noting the few people sitting ahead of you with their heads buried in their phones or other electronic devices, some having taken up the seat facing the large windows, and there are even those looking like they’ve spent the night here as they lay curled up on multiple seats, oblivious to the world around them as they rest.

You wish you could be like that, but you’re plagued with a restlessness you can’t drown out no matter how hard you try. You breathe a heavy sigh, shoulders heaving as you think how even though your flight is a fairly short one, you get the feeling that it’ll be twice as long in your mind and that’s something you’re not looking forward to.

“Maybe I should’ve grabbed a pack of Xanax or something….” You grumble to yourself, rubbing your eyes with your hands.

“I don’t think you’ve got the health insurance to cover that sweetheart.”

You jumpstart in your seat, nearly jostling both yours and Rosa’s carry-on luggage over as you whip your head to the side. Your gaze catches the back of his head, and you wouldn’t have known any better had it not been for the unmistakable smooth lilt of his voice. He’s sitting on the other side of the bench from you, back to back, one seat to your left so when you twist just slightly, you would’ve caught sight of his side profile. To your dismay and surprise though, the lower half of his face is hidden by a black surgical mask, the rest by his black ball cap.

“Ji—!“

“Eyes forward cherub, don’t want to draw attention.”

Your mouth snaps shut, heat warming your cheeks when you realize how much of your elation at seeing him came through your voice. You heed his advice, partly because he’s right but also to hide your struggles in fighting off the wide smile threatening to break out on your face. Plus, this way it feels like you’re suddenly in a spy movie, meeting up with a contact incognito.

“Could’ve sent me a text to let me know you were here…” You say afterwards.

“I could’ve, but where’s the fun in that?”

You scoff quietly, rolling your eyes at his playful gibe but you’re not bothered by it at all. You’re glad Jimin’s here, his presence having some sort of immediate effect on you and your previous uneasiness, which now, has calmed to something manageable, like the invisible shadow following you has disappeared and you no longer have to keep looking over your shoulder to make sure it doesn’t sneak up on you. You finally have breathing room however, there’s still something that lingers persistently.

“So…H-How are you feeling…?” Your question comes out far softer, more hesitant than you had intended and you bite your lip. There’s a drawn pause, one that felt too long for you and makes you all too aware of the heavy pounding of your heart. Unconsciously your fingers begin to tug at the ends of your loose cardigan sleeves, nervous all of a sudden and just when you open your mouth to fill in the void, Jimin replies.

“Do you really have that little trust in me cherub? I’m kinda hurt…”

 “N-No! What I meant was—!”

“Relax I know, I was just pulling your leg.”

A huff of air leaves you, a little on the exasperated side as you’re frozen midway in fully turning to face Jimin, subtly be damned (you think you’d never make for a good spy anyways). You know he’s trying to reassure you and it would’ve worked had you not picked up on the way he downplays the seriousness of the question, deflecting with humour and banter. He’s clearly intent on not worrying you so much but it only serves to do the opposite. It makes you want to turn around to gauge his expression, see for yourself if he’s really okay.

“Hey,”

The call of his voice tears you from your train of thoughts, head naturally turning towards him and you’re a little surprised to see dark obsidian eyes staring back at you. You’re lost in their depths, how they hold you captive in a gentle but firm way and instantly it’s like the whole world melts away and it’s just the two of you. Then, they turn up slightly at the corner in a way where you can already imagine the soft smile he has on beneath the mask, it sends your heart racing once again as you wait with almost bated breath for what he has to say.

“I’m okay, really. I promised I would be didn’t I?”

Your teeth pulls at your bottom lip, eyes darting off for a second before they come back to his. You take him in as much as you can, searching for anything that might give way to his front but it’s either he’s concealed it so well that you can’t tell or maybe perhaps he really is okay like he says. Jimin was already a hard person to read, but with that face mask on, it’s even harder.

You sigh, relinquishing.

“Then…Can you also promise me you won’t push yourself?”

His eyes crinkle a bit more but you’re determined to remain steadfast in your conviction. Jimin sees it as he tilts his head before nodding in agreement.

“Okay, I’ll try not to.”

You shoot him a pointed look, one that makes him chuckle and raise a finger to tap on your nose, so quickly you didn’t get the chance to lean away. You blink, flinching back in a delayed reaction but cheeks warming just the same.

“Will it convince you if I told you I’m not going to teleport there and that I’ll actually be on the flight with you?”

That makes you straighten up, eyebrows shooting into your hairline.

“You are?”

“Well, I figured it’s the best solution to the two problems we have; I don’t have to strain myself like you said and we’ll be in close proximity to each other, enough that in case anything goes wrong, I can step in without any issues.”

You nod, seeing his point and honestly even asking yourself why you hadn’t thought of that before until you furrow your brows, zeroing in on him again.

“Wait, you haven’t been recognized yet have you?”

“Of course not, I got this on for a reason.” He gestures to his face, indicating the face mask and baseball cap but that only makes you cock your head back, chin tucking in with an extremely dubious look scrunching your face. There’s absolutely no way this ‘disguise’ of his worked, in fact, he’s playing right into the ‘obviously-a-K-Pop-idol-leaving-for-a-flight’ airport look. It makes you cast shifty eyes around you suddenly — maybe you should actually turn around and pretend you’re in a spy movie again.

“Jimin that’s hardly a disguise! And you can’t tell me you haven’t taken it off at least once to do airport security checks. Are you using your cloaking spell right now? Don’t tell me you are.” You resort to frantically whispering to him as you sink a little lower in your seat.

“I’m not right now, but I did use a couple of enthralling spells here and there, nothing too taxing though so relax. Just enough that I get by with no incidents.”

You suppose that’s as good as it’s gonna get with an answer so you choose to not pry any further. Rubbing the bridge of your nose, you let out one last sigh.

“Alright… Just stay out of trouble.”

“I should be telling you that.” He chides back, getting up with a stretch. Jimin reaches down to grab his denim jacket and black duffle bag (Louis Vuitton, you’re not surprised at this point anymore) sitting on the seat beside his. Your eyes can’t help doing a full sweep of his figure; fitted black t-shirt tucked into dark wash jeans, held by a belt cinched around his waist. You feel like a troll next to him in your sweats and oversized t-shirt (that you double up as a sleep shirt too, you literally just threw on a bra before you left that morning).

“Where are you seated?” You ask after getting over Jimin’s unfaltering immaculateness (you swear the apocalypse could be happening and he would still be dressed in designer brands).

“Business of course.”

You nearly choke.

“B-Business…?!”

“Ah, I should really try to snag another cocktail at the lounge before we start boarding soon.” He says offhandedly, dark eyes drifting off in thought and then redirects them to you. “I’ll be in touch cherub, even if you might not see me. Still, stick with your friend and don’t have too much fun now you hear?”

He’s striding off with a finger wave salute before you can get another word in, but not like you can you think, absolutely stunned speechless. You don’t even notice your friend making her way back to you, just as the attendant at the front desk to your gate announces pleasantly that you would all be boarding soon and can those with special needs, young children and the elderly begin to line up to board first.

“Hey, what’s up? You look…kinda pissed? More alive but pissed.” Rosa laughs good-naturedly. “Some bastard try to pull a fast one on you?”

You exhale a wheeze because she’s not too far off with that statement so you don’t necessarily deny it, almost ruefully replying, “Yeah…I guess you could say that…”

She lets out another laugh, grabbing your hand to tug you out of your seat when the attendant calls for your section to begin lining up. As you gather your things and begin to make your way, you ironically think that your friend wouldn’t be laughing if she had known she, and by way you, have been robbed first class seats.

Oh well, you think, you can’t be too mad because as they say, beggars can’t be choosers. And besides, you have a lot to be thankful for in that moment and you’re not just talking about the round trip to seeing your favourite band play. So with a little more pep in your step since you first arrived to the airport, you eagerly board the plane.

What you had planned was to use the flight time to catch up on as much rest as you can before landing where you know it’s going to be a whirlwind of hopping from one place to another.

Unfortunately for you, your ice coffee kicks in despite having emptied your bladder only fifteen minutes into the flight. You significantly feel more alert so your attempts at getting comfortable against the window were futile. Even when you shut your eyes, you’re very much still conscious and aware of everything going on around you, especially the loud droning of the plane’s engine. You don’t know how people get used to it, let alone make it as part of their white noise to help them sleep.

What you do know is that it’s not easy as after a few more minutes of shuffling in your seat, you give up on any hopes of getting any decent sleep and instead, settle for just closing your eyes, earphones on with your old iPod touch cycling through BTS albums — might as well drown out the plane engine with some good music.

You zone in and out for the entire four and a half hour, which felt like it went by in a snap because next thing you know, you’re startled by the chime of the PA going off.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking, we are about ten minutes away from landing and — …”

You pull off your earphones, winding the cord to tuck your iPod away into your crossbody as you gaze out of the window, watching the clouds drift like oversized cotton candy through the clear blue sky, sun blazing on overhead. You’re glad that it seems like the weather would be perfect for the concert, which means there won’t be any pains in traveling around by foot. Bonus is that sunnier weather always puts you in a better mood.

Rosa seems to share the same sentiment because when you turn over to her, she’s staring out the window too, eyes practically sparkling and way perkier now that she doesn’t have to hold back. She grabs your arm, giving it a squeeze, silently conveying her excitement and you grin back at her, wiggling a bit in your seat as you both eagerly watch the wing of the plane dip, swooping down lower until it breaches the sea of white below and you get your first glimpse of the city.

You land without a hitch, even having some passengers clapping much to your amusement but in general, the lively buzz just adds to the atmosphere. You gather your belongings, double checking to make sure nothing is left behind as you wait to join the queue in the aisle to exit the plane.  “So it’s close to eleven-thirty right now, which gives us a good amount of time before doors open to let us into the stadium. Should we find our hotel to drop off our things and then go find something to eat? Or should we drop off our things, head to the venue and then see if we can find a place to eat near there?” Rosa asks, tapping her phone so that the airplane mode is turned off.

You contemplate, humming before you say, “How hungry are you? Because I don’t really have an appetite right now but if you want to eat after we drop off our things first, we can do that.”

“Oh, I’m pretty good too so we drop off our things, head to the venue, then eat?”

“Yeah, sounds good to me!”

After struggling to get both of your carry-ons down from the compartment without giving yourselves a head injury (luckily your seat neighbours were kind enough to lend you a hand), you and Rosa wheel off out of the plane, down into the ramp. For a split second, you catch yourself glancing back one last time, eyes searching for that familiar shadow but the pace in which the masses move easily sweeps you up, not allowing you to linger for too long less you want to hold up traffic. However, you recall his words, assuring you that even if you might not actually see him, he’ll be close by to still be able to help you out if you need it. So you continue on, exiting out into a terminal in no time thanks to bypassing the need to go to baggage claims, telling yourself that everything’s fine and there’s no reason to fret.

You’re here to see BTS damn it; your faves, your ultimate and you can’t waste this golden opportunity by overthinking on things.

 “Okaaay…” Rosa starts, not unlike a ranger about to take their scouts on a rigorous hike while teaching them survival skills. “Let’s grab an Uber and head on over to the hotel. You have the address right?”

“Oh, yes!” You quickly pull out your own phone, pulling up the text file as Rosa opens the Uber app on her phone. She’s typing the address into the destination bar when you hear someone call out to you.

“Um, excuse me?”

You and Rosa both look up, wide eyed like rabbits caught out in the open and turn to see two other girls staring back at you, no older than you are but what caught your attention immediately was the firefighter red cushion that’s shaped like a heart clutched in one of their arms, only this heart had a funny little face on it — two beady eyes, straight brows and round, yellow plush lips. A familiar face.

Tata.

Your eyes light up, you hear Rosa gasp softly beside you and in an instant, the mood shifts. You’re no longer confused from not recognizing the pair, instead it’s like running into old friends again if the way they smiled back just as widely was anything to go by, a knowing look on their faces.

“Are you..—?”

“ARMY?”

“YES!”

“YES!!”

You barely stop yourself from escalating in volume but your newly formed group had already drawn a couple of judgemental looks in your directions. Cheeks warming yet pleasantly aching from the grin, you wave frantically in an attempt to quiet the excited chattering that has exploded, your initial task forgotten in favour of acquainting yourselves with your new found friends, comrades gathered here for a common purpose and love for one particular group.

Rosa lets out a surprise squeak before falling into more of a hush, a sheepish smile playing on her lips and everyone sort of follows suit, still giggling.

“Oh my God this is so wild!” One of the girls laughs, “Are you guys staying somewhere close by the venue?”

“Yeah, actually we were just about to grab an Uber to head over there.” Rosa replies, flashing her phone with the app still open but address only half completed.

“AirBnb or did you somehow grab a hotel?” The other asks you, adjusting her backpack and making a few keychains jingle. You get a flash of a Cooky enamel chain glinting in the light.

“Yeah we’re staying at this hotel.” You showed them the official website page and she gasps.

“Wow! You’re lucky, that’s so close to the venue! Literally everywhere I go I keep hearing how everywhere is fully booked, even the AirBnbs around the area.”

“Where are you guys staying?” Rosa asks, after she’s copied down the address from you.

“We got an AirBnb that’s a little bit further away from the venue, like a ten minute drive? Not so bad but we’d definitely need to Uber to and back.”

You make a sound of understanding, picking up on the implication that it’ll be more money spent but that’s just what comes with these things. However, an idea comes to you.

“Hey,” You speak up, getting the attention of the party, “We can… split rides for Uber to your place if you want to? I mean, we’re all heading out anyways so we might as well right? I think it’ll be cheaper that way too.”

Rosa nods at your proposal, jumping in to add, “Yeah! Uber has a feature for that, I can definitely set up a second trip.”

The two girls glance at each other in a wordless act of debate, shortly reaching an agreement of sorts when one of them shyly turns back to you and Rosa with a timid smile.

“If you don’t mind? That would be really great actually.”

“Of course not! Save money when you can right?” Rosa says exuberantly, dispelling any remaining doubts to the two as their smiles widen again. So with a few taps, you make the necessary adjustments to your ride and now you’re all heading out to meet your driver in a merry band of four.

During your wait, you finally realize you haven’t made any formal introductions to each other (which, upon bringing it up, causes a round of laughter) but at least now, they know yours and Rosa’s names and you know them as Sam and Megan. Conversation flowed easily between the four of you, quickly getting acquainted with each other and by the time you and Rosa are getting dropped off first at the hotel, you’ve all followed each other on Twitter, Instagram and gotten everyone’s backstory on becoming fans of BTS (and of course, biases and bias wreckers).

“Hey, hey I got this, don’t worry!” Rosa says, trying to bat away Sam who had stepped out of the car as well to help you unload your carry-ons in the trunk. Megan follows suit after placing her Tata cushion and duffle bag in the backseat.

“No! This is the least we can do for sharing the ride!”

“It’s not even that heavy, it’s okay!”

Everyone fusses until it eventually turns into a group effort, even if what Rosa said was true. It makes you all giggle in the end at how silly it is but no one seems to mind.

“Thank you so much for the ride again! We should try to meet up at the venue!” Megan suggests to all of which you nod in agreement.

“Yeah! We’ll be in touch then since we have each other’s handles.” You smile back as Rosa closes the trunk. You go to shuffle onto the sidewalk, ready to see the other two girls off when Sam, wide eyed, suddenly lets out a loud gasp.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” She says quickly, darting into the back seat to grab her backpack to rummage through it, you and Rosa watch on curiously. After a short while, she triumphantly pulls out two baggies and already you see the goodies in them — self-printed photo cards of a member, fan art stickers, post cards, and a handmade purple bracelet. What’s more is that she hands them to you and Rosa, making you and Rosa squeal simultaneously.

“I’m handing these out at the venue and I wouldn’t want to run out before seeing you guys again.”

Immediately, you’re thanking her profusely and after another round of bidding each other later, you and Rosa head inside to the lobby of the hotel. It’s nothing fancy to be of note, but thankfully, it’s not sketchy either. The interior is quite simple yet spacious, the decor all in warm tones that matches the lighting, the accents emphasize on a deep mahogany wood. Off to the side, closest to the windows overlooking out onto the streets, is the lounge, the only area where it’s carpeted while the rest of the hotel is tiled, curtains drawn up and out of the way with an array of long couches and chairs surrounding coffee tables. The flat screen tv hanging on a single panel of wall space that perfectly divides the windows in half is set to a local news channel, displaying the weather and traffic around the city.

You and Rosa roll your carry-on towards the front desk, standing behind a few people ahead of you. It’s actually quite busy with lots of people coming in and out or taking up space in the lounge but all of it doesn’t surprise you because you have a sneaking suspicion as to why. Almost on cue, the group at the front begins to walk away, keycards in hand and bags full of BTS merchandise hanging off or stuck to their travel cases. Rosa nudges you but you’re already nodding with a grin on your face to show that you’ve noticed.

Checking-in was an easy process, what with both you and Rosa only needing one room with two beds to share. So you scurry off to the fifth floor, locating room 517 and as soon as you get the keycard on the door, you fling it open, rushing into the room with a bounce.

“Lemme change my outfit real quick! I feel like a slob and I can’t be looking like this in front of my boys!” You gasp, throwing your case onto the ground to open it.

“Oh shit you’re right. I need to put on liner or something! Can’t show my face like this to Jin.” Rosa says, doing the same with her carry-on case to pull out her little make-up pouch.

You grab your change of clothes, rushing to the bathroom and it felt like you were doing a quick change routine by how fast you managed to switch out everything. Looking in the mirror, you can’t help the grin on your face as you check yourself over. You’re wearing a black t-shirt with BTS’ logo taking up most of the front of the shirt while on the back lists all the members names in white text. It’s an old shirt, unofficial merchandise too but you’ve worn it the previous time you were lucky enough to go to their concert so you feel like it’s only right to bring it out again. After deliberating on a French tuck or a full on tuck, you decide to go with the latter, stuffing the ends into your distressed skinny jeans.

Satisfied, you step out to find Rosa already decked out in her concert gear that includes an RJ shirt over black cargo pants and RJ headband. She’s carefully applying lipgloss in the vanity and it prompts you to grab your own make-up bag until the both of you are crowding around another for the mirror. Once you’re done applying liner, some lip tint and other touch ups, you turn to Rosa.

“‘Kay, I’m good to go!”

She turns to you with a grin, grabbing both of your light sticks that’s set out on the bed, presenting it to you like it’s an Oscar. You can’t help letting out a boisterous laugh but take it from her anyways.

“Let's get it!”

You grab your bag, emptying out the things you wouldn’t need and leaving only your wallet, cellphone, charger bank, and keycard in. Stepping out, you make sure the door locks itself properly before you and Rosa start heading towards the elevators.  “So the venue is like… a ten minute walk from here, do you want to Uber it or walk?” You point out, pulling up Google maps as a reference.

“I’m good for walking because we’ll make it five if we power walk.”

Turns out, she’s right. Apparently Rosa’s enthusiasm sparks to double yours which you’ve completely underestimated because before you know it, you’re walking alongside other concert goers and then you see the first of the banners and then…

“Oh my God…” Rosa whispers beside you, absolutely vibrating but you nod, sharing the same sentiment.

There are banners with each members faces on it hanging from the flagpoles lining the walkway towards the stadium. Around on the grounds, there are canopies of tents selling official concert merchandise, light sticks and a giant wall poster with BTS at the centre, dressed to impress as always, giving the fans the opportunity to take a commemorative photo. It’s like a little marketplace for the fans — there’s so much to look at and so much to take in that it makes your heart pound but along with that, there are lines.

Oh the lines.

You gulp just looking at all the different lines leading to different activities and booths, how they seem to stretch for miles and miles, twisting and curving like one giant serpent. You can’t even begin to imagine how early some people must’ve arrived here in order to be the first twenty in line. Honestly, it makes you sweat a little, but somehow, you’re determined to embrace this madness, swept up by the hype and the fact that you may never get this chance again.

“Okay, what do we do first?” Rosa asks, “I’m really not about to try for that merch line but I really wanna do the photo booth. We didn’t get to do it last time right?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking too.”

“Okay! Photo booth line!”

So without a second thought, you and Rosa speed on over to the set up, racing to find the back of the line. You find it curving halfway around one of the buildings that was a washroom with vending machines posted out at the front. Once you made it, you and Rosa buckle down and play the hardest game known to any fan — the waiting game.

It wasn’t so bad you think, you and Rosa basically spent time catching up on things you didn’t get to talk about in the early morning, talk about which songs you’re looking forward to see live and even getting interrupted every once in a while by kind fans handing out freebies. Time is lost amongst the shared laughter, swept away in the electrified thrum of other people’s combined energy and you soak it all in, loving the feeling even if your cheeks ache from having smiled and laughed so much. You shuffle and move along with the line, at times, zoning in and out or simply watch what’s going on around you (you think it’s amusing how every time the venue staff would announce a round of items that were sold out, the awaiting crowd would groan or yell in anguish altogether; it resonates with your soul).

Soon, you find yourself within the winding barricade part of the line, thirty people deep and close enough to hear the squeals and squawks people are making when they first enter the photo booth.

“I’m totally gonna be like them when I go in, just completely lose my shit at holographic Jin.” Rosa points out, grinning.

“I’m just so excited to finally do it! It’s just too bad we can’t get any merch but at the same time, I’m pretty much too broke to afford anything.” You reply. Rosa nods solemnly in agreement.

Another half hour later, you’re finally at the front, waiting for your turn and you’re absolutely besides yourself, rocking on your heels to try to restrain from combusting. It’s hard to do because Rosa is bouncing in her spot which makes the monitoring staff giggle. You shy away a little, even though you know they’re probably used to it by now but your embarrassment doesn’t last long when two of the three booths become free and you’re given the go ahead along with Rosa. You’re laughing all the way in from hearing Rosa’s gradually fading scream.

Drawing back the curtains, you enter in the little room, brick red in colour with one ottoman bench fit for two people. On the wall in front is a touch screen with seven squares, each displaying a members face on it and all you have to do now is choose who you want a digital picture with.

Your finger moves as if on its own, right towards —

You stop.

It takes a second for you to realize where they hover, a hair’s breadth from his picture.

Jimin.

No…Not him. Not…

You shake your head, ridding the thought and this odd feeling that overcomes you in that second. You chalk it up as it finally hitting you how all of it seems so bizarre that you’re here to see BTS’ Jimin when all this time you had a literal clone of him manifested as a demon meant to protect you. It’s tripping you out, which is why it takes you a hot minute to get your head in the game, so to speak.

This is BTS’ Jimin — vocalist, dancer, model idol and member of BTS, the biggest boy group in the world right now. Park, nation’s angel/fairy, Jimin.

Totally different.

You repeat the words in your head like a mantra, convincing yourself before breathing in deeply. Then you press the icon, submit yes and watch with a rapidly beating heart as a countdown begins, the screen switching to the live selfie camera and on one, Jimin appears as if entering the booth. Your eyes dart up to the space he should be instinctively but you quickly chastise yourself, drawing back to the screen in front of you as you hear him speak a few lines. Even as a digital hologram he’s breathtaking, soft honey blonde hair swept off his forehead and dressed in a black suit that fits him so well that it’s almost criminal. He strides to sit beside you and you reel a bit, quickly trying to orient yourself on the seat in the screen and his figure, barely catching a few words in Korean that initiated the first photo take.

The countdown begins and you get into position, smiling towards the screen but within those three seconds, you catch sight of yourself and him; the way he leans into you, a soft smile adorning his lips and in that moment, your heart squeezes and you falter as the camera shutter goes off.

You blink, stunned but you can’t stop to process the feeling so you push it back as Jimin prompts for a second photo, this time holding his hand to form half a heart which you’re meant to complete.

This is BTS’ Jimin.

You hastily follow, almost stubbornly so as again, the countdown begins and you force a smile, angling yourself to look half as flattering as Jimin.

This is BTS’ Jimin.

The shutter goes off again, he says a few more sweet words before he walks off screen and you’re left to choose between the two pictures you’d taken to have printed.

You grimace as you scan them over — neither one of them are satisfying to you.

“I think your photo looks cute!” Rosa exclaims, looking over yours before giving you a nudge on the shoulder with a teasing glint in her eyes. “You two look good together.”

You nudge her back, taking the photo from her and stuffing it into your crossbody. “Stop, before some sasaeng overhears.”

Rosa cackles loudly, throwing her head back. “Oh please, a bitch can try to run up on you or me. I will fight.”

That pulls a laugh out of you but somehow, you have no doubts about it. Clicking her phone, Rosa checks for the time and with a glance, you’re shocked to see that you’ve already spent a good three hours around the venue. And a chunk of it was just waiting in a line.

“‘Kay now should be a good time to grab something to eat.”

At the mention of food, your stomach gurgles and churns in response and you’re surprised it’s only then that you feel the ache of not having eaten anything sufficient since six in the morning.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it now. Where should we go?”

Rosa hums, straining to look around as you come to the borders of the stadium grounds. She turns her head from one side of the street to the other and you follow her, spying a few familiar fast food chains by their company colours.

“I think we should grab something that we can take on the go, it’ll be easier in case we spontaneously decide to jump in a line again.”

You snort, not arguing with the idea but the thought of getting into another lineup is…. You’re gonna have to think on that after eating a sandwich or something. Your head cocks a little at that.

“How about a sandwich then? That’s pretty easy to carry around, and filling too.”

Your friend considers the idea and then nods, “Yeah, I can do that.”

It wasn’t hard to find a place that would meet your requirements of a delectable sandwich as the concert venue was situated very closely to the downtown parts of the city. It was only a matter of how far you’re both willing to walk, which is…not very far. You and Rosa both agreed that it would be in your best interests to stick around the venue because on your way to picking a spot, you chance your first look at the one lineup you and Rosa probably dreaded the most, outright feared.

“God is that—?”

“…Yeah….” The words come out short but heavily in a resigned sigh. Like with any other lines you’ve seen so far, this one stretches just as long with the only difference is that you can at least pinpoint exactly how and when it started. You easily spot the makeshift camp ground fans have created, tents of varying colours dotting along in the empty parking lot, peeking out from over the heads of those currently waiting in the queue for GA. Now your stomach churns uneasily for a different reason.

“Let’s hurry and get in before the line gets any longer!”

The both of you rush into action, entering the closest fast food establishment for the sake of not dallying but perhaps you think all in vain because it too was crowded with people, specifically other concert goers. At this point, there’s no escaping the wait anywhere and Rosa seems to realize too as she gives you a wry smile, moving to stand at the end of the formed line with you following suit. Another twenty minutes later, you and Rosa are dashing out, a bag in each hand containing your sandwiches, extra snacks and bottle of water. You’re out of breath when you finally reach the end of the line, ready to sit on the sidewalk and eat. To your pleasant surprise however, you find some familiar faces.

“Oh my God! Sam, Megan!” Rosa exclaims, wide eyed as the girls glance up from their phones respectively, wide smiles appearing on their faces when they see you and your friend. They envelope you in a hug each and you fall into conversations, all centred around what you’ve done so far in the venue, showing the pictures you took and freebies you got. It goes on for a while until you can’t stand it anymore and as politely as you could, informed that you must devour this sandwich now or else you would keel over. The first bite you took was nothing short of heavenly and it’s like a ravenous monster has been awakened because you think you downed it all in ten seconds flat.

Regardless, it does the job of filling your stomach with something so that it doesn’t end up eating itself but you somewhat had the thought before to try and portion it out, knowing you had a bit of a wait to get through before doors officially open. Within that time, you had also finished your bag of chips, sharing amongst the group and drank your fill of water. Hydration has always been the one thing everyone emphasizes the most when going to BTS’ concerts but you still struggle to find that balance between getting enough water and having too much water because who would want to have to go to the washroom in the middle of a concert? Plus, any water you don’t finish before security check you would have to throw away anyways.

You end up holding back on chugging your entire bottle, stopping when you felt like your bladder won’t explode any time soon but that means you’ll have to accept that the rest would be given to the trash.

Finally after some time, you’re startled from your stagnant position when the line ripples to life. You perk hearing the muffled bass of songs you’ve grown to love and know word for word despite the different language. Megan is the first to stand up, all of you at one point resorted to sitting right along the sidewalk edge, tip-toeing to see what the commotion was.

“I think doors are opening! The line looks like it’s moving now!”

The news has an immediate effect, the rest of you springing to your feet just as the people in front of you start shuffling forward. A surge of jitters tingles along your spine as you move along, inching closer and closer to the entrance. Not only does this mean you’ll be finally getting into the arena, but it also means that the concert is well on its way to starting soon. You catch yourself in time from bumping into the person in front of you when the line suddenly stops right on a bend. You think nothing if it until you hear murmurs of a commotion and see people actually leaving from their spots.

“What’s going on?” You ask, concerned.

“I think there’s a confusion between lines?” Sam answers, peering around the many bodies in front of you. You do the same, trying to worm your way through this broken telephone game until you hear someone raising their voice.

“Left side of this line is for GA!! This line is for seats!!”

“Ah shit!” Rosa curses, turning to Sam and Megan. “We gotta bounce then. Enjoy the show girls!”

“Bye!! You too! Now go, go!”

You wave hastily before Rosa is pulling your arm and you both go running to the newly formed line beside the one you were just in. You’ve made quite the jump, even if you are a bit aways still from seeing the front entrance. But it’s almost like it doesn’t matter because the line continues to move and before you know it, the doors are right in front of you.

“As soon as we get through the security gate, we’re booking it.” Rosa says, determined and fired up, even doing little stretches as if she’s getting ready to do a 100m sprint. You don’t argue with her though, chewing on your lower lip at thinking about how many people must already be in the pit, how your chances of getting a good spot is dwindling lower and lower with every people let in. Slowly, you grow more anxious and now you’re antsy to get your ass in ASAP because like hell, you’re going to be stuck with an awful view!

You swear it takes everything in you to remain as calm and collected on the outside as you can once it’s your turn for the security check. You present your crossbody, showing them the inside, dispose of the water bottle in the growing bin, pull up your ticket on your phone for verification and once you’ve given the all-clear—

“Go, go, go, go, go!” You take off, following the herd as your only means to finding the path to the concert pit, glancing over your shoulder to make sure Rosa is behind you (she is with a big goofy smile on her face). You hear the echoes of numerous excited voices bounce off the walls and they increase in volume, easily intermingled with instrumentals and growing clearer, more distinguishable as you approach. When you finally pass through the entryway, you feel your breath hitch.

The crowds are already gathered at the edges of the barricade, singing along to the music video being played on the large screens. Above and all around you, the seats are being filled by more fans, their light sticks twinkling to show their numbers. You rush to join in with everyone, coming to the space furthest left at the head of the stage, just a row or two behind others, brandishing your own light stick to switch on. With the app, you sync it up, right when Rosa joins you.

“I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’RE HERE AHHHH!!” Rosa screams, waving her light stick crazily and falling into the fan chant. You laugh, not caring how loud you might be. You spend the next remaining minutes dancing, singing, and screaming, immersing yourself in the energy all around you. Rosa pulls you in for selfies, taking commemorative videos every once in a while. It helps pass the time and as the final notes of the music video fades out, the lights dim and the screams are louder than ever. All eyes are glued to the intro VCR, your heart’s pumping in your ears as you feel the rush of adrenaline increase. You’re blown away by the visuals and you can’t help but to scream whenever the sight of any of the members appear (and this is all before they’re on stage dear god).

The video fades to black, transitioning into a new track as the spotlights light up one by one to the beat until it swells into a climax as extravagant stage props are revealed and the pyrotechnics are going off. You truly lose all sense of inhibition when from the floor of the stage, seven figures emerge. You don’t know if you’re shaking from the force of your scream, the screams of a thousand people around you reaching a whole new level of pitch and intensity, or from the booming stereos that begin to blast their title track.

They were nothing short of incredible, you’re starstruck at how coordinated they were, all the while maintaining such stable vocals, not to mention look absolutely stunning in their stage outfits — sparkly black suits with varying gold accents that decorate their shoulders or as lapels, giving off very princely vibes. And you’re witnessing all of this with your own two pair of eyes. Never have you ever been this close to them before where you seldom rely on the big screen camera in front of you and you’re having trouble on where your eyes should be, so captivated by their aura and charisma.

So you find yourself screaming names left and right when you’re not shouting the fan chant. The first song comes to an end though it doesn’t mean that the energy doesn’t carry on as after a moment’s pause, the next song starts up, another hit single everyone recognizes and loves. When the lines of the first verse starts, the boys start making their way down the catwalk towards the thrust stage. As they move, so does the audience, all eager to keep their eyes on them no matter what. It’s hard to fight the wave so you can only go with it, forced to shift from your original spot to something a little less than favourable. You’re still too far up the main stage that the only thing you see is their backs and try as you might, half the time a phone is blocking your view.

It’s a struggle but you make do with the large screen and when there’s a song this hype playing, it’d be a crime to not do anything besides dance and cheer at the top of your lungs. And that’s what you love about their concerts; the moment you step into the arena it’s like you’re transported into another world, a place where you can let loose and for once be happy, blessed and thankful.

No more worries, no more what-ifs.

You’re going to seize this moment as if it’s your last.

When the song comes closer to the end, the members gradually make their way back to the main stage, waving to the crowd as they go and you swear Namjoon had returned your wave, dimpled smile on display. You can’t help the squeal that comes from your mouth.

When the last notes end, you finally turn to assess your surroundings, the crowd once more shifted but thankfully you spy Rosa not far from you so you maneuver yourself to her. She greets you ecstatically.

“DID YOU SEE JIN?! HE HAD PURPLE HAIR!! I’M GONNA DIE!!”

 “I KNOW!! AND NAMJOON WAVED AT ME!!”

The two of you fangirl until the VCR is done and the melodies of another song bubbles over the speaker. Once more, the attention of everyone in the arena draws towards the main stage and from there, it starts all over.

You work up a sweat dancing and singing along to the songs, breathless in the best way possible. You were enjoying the concert through and through, the only issue you have was your throat beginning to burn a little more than usual from all your screaming and the sea of people you’re currently swimming in is getting a bit more pushier. But the night was still young and though you’ve been dancing nonstop for four song straight, there was nothing stopping you when the spotlights turn into a warm golden yellow, the ones along the ground turning green and the first notes of possibly your favourite song starts to play.

From the floor, Jimin’s figure rises up, voice as light as a feather filtering through the building and instantly, you’re entranced.

Before, you had been unsure of how you would react to seeing the original Jimin on stage, the apprehension nearly smothering you as you waited but like a spell, as soon you laid eyes on him, singing and dancing so gracefully, so effortlessly, you knew that this was someone else entirely different. Now dressed in a flowing silk shirt embroidered with crystals that twinkle endlessly in the spotlight, he has singlehandedly rendered you speechless as the rest of the thousands watching him. Your eyes were glued to him, heart swelling with emotions as you watch him in his element, nailing each step and note and like caught in a siren’s song, you itch to be closer. Scanning around, you try to find an opening you can squeeze through, anything.

You see a space, big enough for you to stand in and without even thinking twice you surge forward, weaving as best you can before the chance disappears. You bypass two people, grazing their shoulders but shrinking in on yourself pays off because your view is even better than ever. Now you’re a row away from the metal barricade and when you focus back on Jimin—

You’ve heard many times that photos don’t do any of the members justice, not even a fraction of how they look but being this up close, you think it’s the understatement of the century. You’re stunned, mind going blank like it has trouble processing the fact that there is a human being that exists in this world you’re living in that is beautiful beyond words and his name is Park Jimin and you’re currently staring at him, in person.

Being this up close, you can see the details of his movements, how every part of his body from the tips of his fingers to his toes is adding something to this choreograph to make it that much more fluid or powerful. You see the rings on his fingers glint as he brings it up to run it through honey blond hair, strands falling so delicately and softly against the thin sheen of sweat against his forehead, it has you mesmerized. And then you see the beginnings of a secret smile, one that starts in his eyes before stretching over his lips as he sings those sweet words. You don’t stop yourself from swooning loudly because you’re not the only one who’s affected. The song ends all too soon, Jimin backing away to be lowered down on the stage but not without throwing another smile out towards the audience, gaze so full of love for the people around him as he sings the last notes and you feel like you can finally breathe properly again.

You find yourself laughing, half in disbelief and giddiness, smile so wide thinking that that performance was closer to a spiritual experience more than anything.

BTS’ Jimin is truly something else.

So caught up in it all, you fail to notice that, at some point, you’ve lost your friend Rosa, only after when you turn your head, ready to gush about Jimin and finding that she’s no where to be seen. You had the mind to look, but it’s difficult for you less you want to lose your newly obtained good spot. Besides, the lights darkening makes it even harder to distinguish her. You leave it for now, as the next song starts up; if you can’t find her by the end of the concert, you can always call her. With that settled, you return your attention back to the next member performing.

You’re thankful for the relatively slower songs, allowing you to the time to recover and more importantly, keep the crowd controlled to a rhythmic swaying. You hate to admit it, but you really wished you had bought another water bottle even if they did cost you an arm and a leg in the arena. Your throat aches uncomfortably, making swallowing hard even if it’s a knee jerk reaction in an attempt to quench your thirst. The most you can do now is refrain yourself by simply mouthing along to the lyrics but it’s a lot easier said than done. You still catch yourself shouting the fan chants when the timing comes up even when you sound like a dying cat (but who says no to the Kim Namjoon?!)

Perhaps a poor decision on your part because then comes the medley.

You feel it in the crowd before the track even kicks in, like the tides pulling back in a telling sign that a tsunami would follow and you have no choice but to ride it, too deep into the sea of bodies to put up any sort of resistance. You’re forced to move as close to the thrust stage as possible, everyone trying desperately to grab the boys’ attention as they walk along the edges. It pushes you until you’re on the left side of the catwalk behind two rows of people now, much to your chagrin but you don’t linger on it long, too immersed in the heavy beats of the song that makes you dance with reckless abandon.

Your spurt of energy doesn’t last you long as you quickly tire, heart hammering as loud as the bass in your chest you feel like it would burst through your ribs, and what’s worse is that every ragged inhale and exhale of breath agitates your scratchy throat. The t-shirt you’re wearing is too damp for your liking, clinging to your skin and does nothing but add to the heat already surrounding you. You slow yourself down, fighting off a dizziness the overcomes you, like you’ve accidentally stood up too fast and your shoulder collides into someone. You get shoved back and though there wasn’t any real strength behind it, you stumble, barely catching yourself. You think a couple of toes have been stepped on but you think it’s collateral damage at this point, too preoccupied with trying not to succumb to this moment of weakness.

Breathe, relax, you’re fine!

You blink rapidly and as if out of sheer willpower, it begins to subside, the dark hazy border clouding your vision seeps away. You remain in your spot for a while longer, making sure that it goes away completely and once you’re sure, you focus back in on what’s happening. You’ve been moved way farther back into the crowd than you had thought, maybe about ten steps away from reaching one of the sides of the catwalk. You’re surrounded on all sides by jumping bodies, the high of the atmosphere showing no signs of stopping and with the boys still partying it up on the stage, it’s all it takes to pull you back in.

Literally nothing will stop you from seeing this concert to the end.

“Everybody say—!!” You think you hear Jungkook scream and you can’t help laughing but join in to the chorus of thousands of others singing along. The song tapers to a simple beat, the main instrumentals dying off a bit so that you could really hear the echoing voices and see the way members egg on the audience. It gradually builds again, you realize it’s a remix in place of the original song that seems even more hype than should be possible. It’s gearing up for a drop you know would have the whole arena lose their mind over as the boys travel back towards the main stage. You naturally follow the crowd, always vying to get a better view just as the music picks up and everyone starts jumping in place again.

You’re torn from trying to see the actual stage or the big screen, so keen on keeping your eyes on them until the song comes to an end. You’re out of breath once more, shoulders heaving in effort and the foggy feeling creeps back again. The stage lights dim until the only source of light you have is the big screen playing the next VCR. You distantly hear the dreamy soundtrack, a mere muffled sound against the ringing in your ears. You try desperately to make it pass, along with this dizzy spell and you shut your eyes in hopes of doing so.

It was meant to be for a moment; just like the first time it happened, you had expected for it to pass easily, only… it doesn't.

It’s like your body decided to shut down without notice, going numb before you even had a chance to fight it.

It all happened so fast.

When you become conscious again, you’re extremely disoriented, vaguely aware that you’re not where you thought you would be — on the ground, trampled with a concussion and causing a whole scene by having a team of on site paramedics surrounding you (and if you’re being honest, you’re thankful that it’s not the case because you would rather take the concussion, unconscious and all than having to see thousands of people and all the members of BTS remember you in that way).

Vision clearing a little more, you slowly start to piece the shapes and colours that come together until you recognize them as eyes…

You…You know those eyes….

Time seems to slow until you’re taken back to the night you first met eyes with a pair of crimson ones. You remember how vibrantly they gleam against the dark, burning so deeply into your soul that you had dared not breathe. Those eyes stared at you with an intensity that had frightened you from the power they hold, yet you learned that they can shine with mirth, twinkle impishly, soften in tenderness, become the moon and hold endless stars and galaxies that had you wanting to see more.

But now, they stare back at you, pupils shaking in an amalgamated storm of emotions so palpable you wonder if the stars had burnt out and the world was no more.

Distress.

Panic.

But above all, fear.

“Y/N….? Hey Y/N, can you hear me?”

You blink, rousing from your daze, the faint smell of lavender intermingling with burnt wood enveloping you like a warm blanket— a comforting and familiar scent. You turn to get a better look at the owner of this voice but all it does is throw you in for another loop.

Jimin is staring down at you, wide eyed in alarm. The black surgical mask he’s wearing is pushed down, revealing full lips parted in a way that can only be described as holding his breath, bracing for the worst. The hoodie he has pulled over his head makes it hard to get a good look at him, the orange cast of the light above almost intensifying the shadows over his face that it has you squinting, wanting to discern his features, wanting to confirm that it’s him but his voice alone should’ve been enough.

“Ji…Jimin…?” You wince at the croak you just let out, voice completely shot and sore but you need to know if this is real or not, still feeling so out of sorts. Gently, you’re being propped up into more of a sitting position and something touches the bottom of your lip.

“Drink…”

As soon as you get that first sip of the cool liquid, it’s like you come to life again, grasping at the bottle to gulp down more like you’ve spent the past hours in a desert rather than in a concert arena.

“Slow down cherub….”

A bit spills over, trickling down your chin but you don’t care, the feeling is welcomed against your hot skin. After having your fill, you pull away to take a deep breath, finding the strength to support yourself though you feel the solid arm behind you linger.

“Wha — What happened….Where..?” You mumble, bringing a hand to press to your forehead, to yourself or to him you’re not sure.

��You blacked out, probably from dehydration. I had to get you out before you got seriously hurt.”

“Out…?”

The word belatedly registers with you but when it does, your gaze whips around you, taking in your surroundings for the first time. You’re outside, on the side of the building that acts more like a back alley meant for delivery trucks and it’s secret employees-only side doors that more or less, lead to the dumpsters you see farther down the way. It’s dark out, the night air much cooler now and distantly, you hear the cheers and the thumping of the bass, the concert still going on.

The concert!

A gasp flies from your lips as you spring to your feet, so fast your world spins and you would’ve toppled over had it not been for a hand to steady your shoulders.

“Y/N! What are you— “

“I-I have to get back! The concert—!” You sputter, cutting yourself off from a cough that tears through you, making you duck into the crook of your elbow in hopes of quelling it. Your feet falter in trying to figure out which way you should go but that wasn’t the only thing holding you back.

“Wait, just hold on a second—!”

You’re tugging against his hold on your wrist, eyes watering from the force of your cough but all you hear is the waves of excited screaming and the start of a new song which rings more like the tolls of a bell signalling time is running out. You become more frantic and frustrated — at him, at yourself. All at once, these tumultuous thoughts surge forward, consuming you in their urgency; you’re blowing it, completely throwing this chance away, couldn’t even do this one thing right, why couldn’t you just hold out?

It was all a waste. You really don't deserve any of this.

“Let go of me! I need to—!”

“Y/N! STOP!”

You’re jerked back quite suddenly, firm hands taking hold of both your shoulders until you feel your back pressing into the rough brick wall of the building. Your mouth parts, a retaliation ready at the tip of your tongue but you’re cut off with a hard shake.

“Are you out of your mind right now?! What do you think you’re going to accomplish going back in there in your state?!”

“Can you just lay off?! I’m fine!”

“You can barely hold yourself up! I’m not letting you put yourself in danger!”

“I DON’T CARE!”

“Y/N LOOK AT ME!”

His voice snaps you out of your frenzy, the sheer volume of it able to pull you out of the spiralling decent into your own madness — you don’t think you’ve ever heard him shout before. The revelation makes you pause and it’s enough for you to finally become aware of what’s in front of you.

At some point, his hoodie had fallen off, letting you finally see him. He’s everything you had remembered seeing, still so utterly beautiful in that otherworldly way that it’s almost heartbreaking. Your mind can’t help but to replay those images of him on stage, so ethereal and mesmerizing until they shift, melting away altogether to what you see in front of you — raven locks replacing the honey blond, slightly more disheveled against his forehead, strands sticking to a light sheen of sweat that makes the bruising stand out more against paler skin, and stormy blue irises for a subdued scarlet, the faintest glow barely visible behind those eyes that look at you in such a pained way.

It’s a sobering sight, one that has your heart clenching.

This isn’t BTS’ Jimin.

No, he’s —

You’re slightly out of breath but you realize you both are, his exhales fanning warm against your lashes. You see Jimin’s eyes search yours, not really sure what he’s trying to find in them but you don’t want to know, too afraid of that answer. After a tense moment, he asks, a single question falling from his lips in a disquieted whisper that resonates above the cacophony that surrounds you, inside and out.

“Why….?”

Why…. It tumbles around in your head chaotically with no signs of reaching any conclusions, the thoughts disjointed and fragmented for your mind to even begin processing. It dredges up feelings you’ve unconsciously tried to bury, way more than you had imagined and it becomes too much for you to handle right now, much less put into words. But perhaps above everything, you can’t find it in you to face any of it.

You break eye contact first, turning away from the intensity that has you feeling more vulnerable than it should.

“I....You—….” You struggle to form the words past the trembling in your voice, hands balling into fists until they dig crescents into your palms, on the precipice of breaking down entirely from experiencing so many heightened emotions in one night that you just want it to end. “Forget it…Please, you— you wouldn’t understand….”

You don’t look up to see his expression, won’t dare to but you feel the way his hold tenses, going rigid until slowly, his fingers begin to slip away, touch barely brushing the tops of your forearm before they recoil completely. And then you feel his warmth leave you as he steps back, feet heavy and you miss the way the glow in his eyes extinguishes, leaving nothing more than an empty, dark abyss.

“You’re right…. I wouldn’t…” He rasps, the resignation palpable and your heart squeezes again without your permission. Your guardian demon doesn’t say anything more, the silence threatening to suffocate you but you’re moving before it has the chance to, pushing away from the wall even though your steps hesitate.

You feel like you should say something, guilty conscious tugging you to hold you in place, the words I’m sorry sitting on the back of your tongue but when you swallow, what comes out instead is, “I…should go…”

You run without looking back, ashamed.

A coward.

You find your way into the arena following the sounds of the cheering crowd, rising continuously in crescendos. You have no sense of how much time had passed, the lack in any distinguishable song playing makes you sprint and when you burst through the entrance, the entire place is bathed in violet and magenta as the white lights of people’s cellphones twinkle all around you like a sea of constellations in a galaxy.

“This is gonna be the last song for tonight, love you guys, let’s go.” Namjoon says, a bittersweet smile on his face as the music begins to play and everyone cries out again in recognition. You’re left bewildered, not wanting to believe that the concert is coming to a close already and after a brief moment of stunned silence, you force yourself to move, rejoining the crowd in the pit. You walk, wanting to immerse yourself again and finding a spot on the farthest side of the stage, closest to one of the big screens displaying the members. All around, people are singing along to the uplifting lyrics of the song and you do as well, but it’s like your body and mind are on autopilot, completely numb.

Your thoughts are running rampant inside, the fight still fresh no matter how much you’re trying to take everything in around you, commit them to memory before…

Before what?

Before you lose this small piece of happiness you’ve ever known? Or are you afraid of losing the feeling it brought you, when watching these seven amazing men who share their music that heals the hearts of so many no longer bring that sense of comfort and joy to you, but instead remind you of sad, distant memories full of unspoken words, yearning and regret.

You can almost feel it already happening.

The song comes to an end, continuing on in an instrumental loop as the members gather up to do one final bow at the thrust stage, hand in hand. Afterwards, they disperse, each taking their time to wave and interact with the fans from all corners of the stage before leaving through the lift at the main stage. You catch sight of Taehyung on the catwalk waving and gesturing cutely, Hoseok who’s eyes are glued to the far off seats, grin broad and waving enthusiastically to make sure that the fans there are not forgotten, Jin who makes a show of following the camera to blow kisses into it for everyone to see….

And then your eyes wander unconsciously, searching for him, for Jimin who’s ever the sweetheart, is running to the farthest left of the stage he can reach, right in front of where you’re standing to greet the fans there. He's radiant, a stunning smile stretching over his face so wide in a way that makes his eyes turn into crescents but you know no doubt that they sparkle in pure happiness as they look out to the fans, like he’s trying to memorize each and every face of the people who made all his dreams come true. Jimin waves to as many people as he can, blowing kisses here and there and occasionally gesturing to those to not cry and smile.

You watch on fondly, but your chest begins to ache uncontrollably in a way you don’t think is because he’s beginning to make his way back to centre stage, ready to leave. He walks languidly, like he’s trying to draw out as much time as he can while his eyes still remain focused out onto the fans and in that moment, he looks your way.

You’re not even sure if it’s just your mind playing tricks on you but you see him so clearly. With the softest smile gracing his lips, you lock eyes, his gaze so warm and adoring and as cliche as it sounded, the world slows and you see him mouth something that makes the breath catch in your throat.

I love you.

He reaches out a hand to wave one last time before he’s turning away, screaming those same words again into the microphone to let the whole arena know and with that, the boys are lowered down. The music fades, there’s a final huzzah as a massive lit up panel with the band’s logo rises up to take up centre stage and like a movie, the credits begin rolling on screen, signalling the official end of the concert. People around begin to disperse, intending on leaving to beat the rush of traffic while there are some who remain in their spots to watch the extra practice footage the boys took.

You are the latter, however your attention is not on the clips rolling, rather you are lost amidst a turmoil of emotions as your mind seems to be stuck on replaying that moment with Jimin. You’re not sure why, can’t understand the affect it has on you when logically you know this isn’t the first time you’ve seen something like it. It’s almost a bit absurd until you realize….

For the split second it happened, you had wished for raven hair and deep ruby eyes.

211 notes · View notes

lovelylunarwriting · 5 years

Text

Soonyoung College!AU

Dance Therapy Major, with a minor in Astronomy (Astronomical Sciences)

He chose dance as a major because it’s his life passion and something he genuinely enjoys, and more specifically dance therapy because he wants to share dancing with people in a way that can positively influence them and strengthen their quality of life through self expression.

If you ask him about it, prepare for a powerpoint presentation and fifteen minute speech because this boy will go off on how important it is to express yourself.

As for astronomy, he thinks stars are the shit.

At first he registered as an Astronomy minor because he misread it as “Astrology”

He has a tendency to read way too heavily into horoscopes and will explain in extreme detail how your horoscope relates to the stars.

One time he told he told Seokmin that he was going to “meet an untimely end” because it said so for Aquarius on the horoscope blog he checks daily.

Seokmin spent the rest of that day following Chan “for security reasons”

Also, anytime Minghao says something snarky, Soonyoung is like “Omg you’re such a Scorpio”

Soonyoung is very heavily involved on campus, especially with organizations revolving around volunteering.

He just wants to help out whenever he can and give back to the community, whether it be assisting the elderly, helping out with food drives, etc.

Although he enjoys volunteering, don't get the wrong idea- he’s no saint.

He’s the life of the party everywhere he goes, which is mostly,,,, parties tbh.

And that’s how he ends up fracturing his foot.

After a night of drinking with some of the boys, they were making their way back to the dorms when they passed through the main courtyard, resulting in Seungkwan challenging the group to do something pretty stupid.

Seungkwan : “I bet none of you will jump into the fountain”

Chan: “Of course I won’t, I just bought these shoes?? Why would I ruin them”

Seungkwan : “Because it’s a (dare)”

Soonyoung: “A DARE, YOU SAY??”

Seungkwan : “yES it’s most definitely a dare. Unless you're too chicken...”

Seokmin : “Ooooooo Soonyoung’s a chicken!”

Soonyoung: “Oh yeah? Would a chicken do THIS??”

The boys gather around the flowing fountain in the middle of the courtyard, leaving space for Soonyoung to jump in.

But he doesn't jump in. He cartwheels in.

And slams his foot right on the edge of the fountain.

There’s an unsettling crack and Soonyoung falls backward into the shallow water.

Seokmin and Chan pull him out and set him on the ground while Seungkwan calls an ambulance.

When the paramedics arrive, they haul Soonyoung into the ambulance, Chan and Seungkwan jumping in after.

One hospital trip and an unfortunate amount of medical bills later, it turns out that Soonyoung fractured a bone in his foot and won't be able to walk on it for at least six weeks.

Seungkwan feels terrible and literally w i l l n o t stop apologizing.

Seungkwan : “I'm so sorry about this. Had I known you would’ve gotten hurt, I never would have said anything-”

Soonyoung: “Dude it’s fine, it's not like you threw me in. I was the one being reckless”

Seungkwan : “So you're not mad? Our friendship is still going on stronger than ever??”

Soonyoung: “I'm not mad, but you do realize since it was your dare that got me in this position, you have to go explain to my dance instructor why I won't be able to participate”

Seungkwan : “...I guess that's fair”

Chan: “Didn't your instructor completely go off on a girl for walking on the dance floor while wearing stilettos?”

Soonyoung: “Yeah, she's terrifying. Which is why good ol’ Kwannie is going to be a dear and break the news to her for me~”

Seungkwan : “Can't you just break my foot instead?? An eye for an eye kind of thing?”

Soonyoung: “Nope. Next time maybe you'll watch your mouth”

Seungkwan: “And next time you'll watch your step”

Soonyoung: “I’m literally crippled dude, leave me alone”

The night ends with the boys taking an uber back to campus, and each person going to their respective dorms.

Aka Soonyoung hobbling on crutches into the building (somewhat literally, he almost slipped trying to scan his I.D. card) and then to his room.

The next morning he gets a text from Seungkwan being like “I’ll go with you to tell your dance instructor but I'm not going in alone,'' to which Soonyoung is like “okay that's fair”

They meet up outside the Fine Arts building and brave their way through the halls to admit that They Fucked Up.

When Soonyoung hobbles into the dance studio she’s like “YOUNG MAN WHAT DID YOU DO” and Seungkwan is like “uhh he tripped down the stairs yesterday… real sad”

Soonyoung is like “It-takes-six-weeks-to-heal-bYE” and tries to bolt for the door but forgets the whole,,,, crutches thing,,,, and they slip out from under his arms.

Let’s just say that's not the first time Soonyoung has face planted in the dance room and it definitely won't be the last.

The professor tells him that even though he can't participate, he needs to show up for class to watch and that he can make up whatever assignments he misses after he heals.

She’s surprisingly nice about it??? And is like “you’re dumb for getting hurt but take care of yourself, you’ll make us all worry”

Anyway, let’s move on to you~

You know who Soonyoung is because you've had classes with him before but you've never really talked to him??

He was always "that kid watching Netflix on his laptop in the back of the lecture hall"

Which is tempting but when you're paying to take these classes,,,, you don't wanna waste your money and time by not trying your best

His friends would frequently wait for him outside the building to grab lunch after their classes, since they all had classes in the same cluster of buildings at similar times

They're a difficult group not to notice,,,, such loud and rowdy boys are hard to miss

This semester you don't have any classes with Soonyoung, and don't think anything of it until you barely hear someone over the roar of your earbuds shout your name and to hold the elevator

Looking up from your phone, you're shocked to see Soonyoung on crutches furiously shuffling to get to the elevator before it closes

You wordlessly mash the "open doors" button a few times, and he sighs, slowing his pace and trudging into the small space.

You consider just keeping in your earbuds but curiosity gets the better of you

"So umm.... what happened?", you ask, popping out a single earbud.

Soonyoung's face goes from tired to panicked real quick and at first you regret asking, but then he explains how he fell down a flight of stairs and you're more at ease, but not completely.

Your dance major friends have dragged you to their showcases, and you've seen Soonyoung dance. it seems weird that someone so balanced and elegant could just fall like that.

You: "Were you drunk?"

Soonyoung: "I- what? Why would you ask that?"

You: "Ahh, so you're not denying it. That makes a lot more sense, you're much too graceful to slip out of the blue"

Soonyoung: "...you've seen me dance?"

You: "Yeah, I've got friends who dance and I go to their recitals to support them. You're really good, by the way"

With that comment, Soonyoung turns to face away from you and you think you may have said something wrong on accident until you notice the tips of his ears burning bright red.

"He's shy.... that's pretty cute", you think to yourself.

The elevator dings, signalling your arrival on the second floor. You step out and surprisingly, Soonyoung follows.

Apparently the "nani???" face you're making is a lot more communicative than you’d intended, because Soonyoung is like "I live,,,, across the hall from you...."

Now it's your turn to be embarrassed because,,,, how the hell did you not notice that

He goes on to ask you if you could help him get into his room- something about not being sure about balances crutches and keys, and before he can even finish asking, you’re like “yep! Gimme them keys” to try and move on from the “how could you not know I live right across from you” thing

You open the door and prop it open all the way so that Soonyoung can hobble on in, then you go ahead and help him get settled on the couch so he doesn’t topple over trying to stand.

You: “Okay, is there anything else you need?” you ask, handing him back his key and trying really hard not to blush when your fingers brush against his..

Soonyoung: “I mean,,,,, I don’t need anything, but if you want to stay and hang out for a while, that’d be nice. It’s no fun wallowing in self pity all alone and Seokmin won’t be here for like three hours”

Thinking about what day of the week it is and then checking your watch, you conclude that you don’t have any classes or labs left today and agree to stay for a bit.

You: “Actually, let me head to my dorm to drop off my bag and grab some snacks, alright?”

He nods his head vigorously at the mention of food so you make sure to come back with more than enough snacks for the both of you.

If someone had told you this morning that you’d spend your evening laughing and playing Wii Sports with Soonyoung of all people, you’d tell them they’re crazy, but here the two of you are, acting like old friends would.

After defeating him in tennis more times than he feels comfortable admitting, he checks the time on his phone and sees that it’s like,,, r e a l late.

Soonyoung: “It’s this late and Seokmin hasn’t come home yet?? What if something happened to him?”

Seokmin: “I walked in literal hours ago. I said hello to you. You said hello back. I’ve been in my room ever since???”, he says from the doorway to his room.

Honestly, you hadn’t noticed him either. Soonyoung is such a bright person inside and out that it’s easy to get caught up in him.

You: “Well since it’s getting late I should probably head back to my dorm. Gimme your phone real quick?”

Soonyoung: “You could at least ask me out before putting your number in my phone,'' he says, peering over your shoulder at the glowing TV screen.

You: “I’m putting my number in your phone in case you fall and need someone to help you. Since I’m right across the hall I’d be the closest person other than Seokmin who probably isn’t too pleased with you,,,, since we forgot he was here,,,,,”

Soonyoung: “Oh. Okay that works, too” he says sheepishly, hoping you’ll forget about the whole “ask me out” comment.

He has to hobble around for the next six weeks so saving any fraction of pride that’s left is his main objective.

That and not dying of boredom. He has a feeling that the two of you will be playing a lot of mario kart.

Maybe next time you’ll let him win?? Odds aren’t for it though.

Seeing his frustrated little pout whenever you pass him and getting to see him get all mad when you blue shell him is just too impossibly adorable to pass up.

And you refuse to lose. But anyway-

The next few days pass by as they normally do, not particularly eventful in any way.

That is until you get a text from an unknown number that creeps you out before you realize it's just Soonyoung.

Unknown Number: "hey boo are you home? ;)))))"

Your Phone: "I'm just walking in the building, why?", you text back, adding him to your contacts.

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: "oh thank goodness pleaSE come over, Seokmin put my laptop on top of the bookshelf as revenge and I have an essay due at midnight!!＼(;´□｀)/"

You Phone: "Okay, I'll be right there!"

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: "THANK YOU MY ANGEL!!!～(^з^)-♡"

Reading that last text jump-starts your heart, and you almost drop your phone.

Stepping out of the elevator, instead of taking a right into your room, you turn to the left and knock on Soonyoung's door.

The door swings open almost instantly and you're met with a very pouty looking Soonyoung.

Laughing to yourself but mostly at him, you step inside and peer around for the bookshelf.

Once you spot it, you drag a chair over and begin to step up on it when Soonyoung interjects.

Soonyoung: "What are you doing??"

You: "I'm getting your laptop! I can't reach it without standing on something"

Soonyoung: "But that's dangerous!"

You: "More dangerous than cartwheeling into a concrete fountain?"

Soonyoung: "..."

You: "Chan told me. He's in my Sociology class"

Soonyoung: "So you knew and yet still agreed to help me?"

You: "Of course! That's what friends are for, right?,” you say as you step up onto the chair once again, missing the falter in Soonyoung's smile.

He doesn't say anything but you can tell that he's hobbling over to you due to the distinct clicking sound of his crutches hitting the hardwood floor.

When his hands find your waist, you forget how to breathe for a moment, looking down to him as he gives you a reassuring nod.

"He's just helping you balance. It's not a big deal", you tell yourself, and yet the warmth of his hands on your hips has your heart racing.

Focusing solely on the task at hand, you reach up, retrieve his laptop, and take the hand he offers as you step down from the chair.

The two of you keep your hands locked together longer than necessary, but don’t say anything about it,,,,

"Is that all you need?,” you ask, dropping his hand and setting his laptop down on what has to be his bed (the Shinee posters are a dead give away)

You looking anywhere but at him, afraid that you'll accidentally reveal more of how you feel than you want to.

“That’s,,, that’s it. You can stay for a bit if you want, though? I found Seokmin’s snack stash”, he offers and as nice as it sounds, you decline.

“You have an essay to write and I have,,,, something I need to do so i’mgonnagonowbye”, you manage to say, power walking out of his dorm room and even more quickly into yours.

Your roommate takes one look at your wide eyes and obvious blush and is like “,,,,this is about a boy isn’t it”, to which you eloquently reply for them to “mind their own business and yeaH maybe it iS”

The next morning you jolt up in bed, breaking out of your dream somewhat forcefully.

It wasn’t even a bad dream- it was just you and Soonyoung hanging out like you did the other day but instead of being on opposite sides of the couch you were,,,, a lot closer, to say the least.

As soon as Dream Soonyoung leaned in for a kiss, your subconscious dragged you back into reality.

Why is it that dreams always end right before to good part?

Grumbling to yourself, but not too loudly so you don’t wake up your roommate, you grab your bag, swing it over your shoulder, and step into the hall.

So does Soonyoung. Who shoots you a smile and a wink, while you stand there looking like a deer in headlights.

“Something wrong?,” he asks with a confused tilt of the head.

“No no it’s just- those morning classes ya know? Getting up this early is rough, ahaha”, you say trying to play off your initial weirdness, and Soonyoung seems to take the bait, complaining about his early dance class all the way out of the building.

“I normally don’t mind getting up this early if I get my body moving but,,, having to watch everyone else dance instead is kind of torture”, he admits.

“That does seem like it would be tough. If it gets too frustrating and you need someone to vent to, send me a text alright? My next class is three hours long and super boring so I’ll definitely be on my phone anyway”, you say.

He agrees and the two of you go your separate ways, you heading to your class and him heading to his.

Throughout the whole dull lecture you can’t help but check your messages every so often, just hoping that he’s texted you.

1.) Because you enjoy talking to him and 2.) Because the class is really that dull.

Feeling your phone vibrate, you open the messaging app to see about exactly what you expected.

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: “It's been thirty minutes and I already wanna die”

Your Phone: “Please don't, who else would I destroy at Mario Kart??”

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: “(╥﹏╥)”

Your Phone: “I'm kidding~! And actually I have something that I think might help. When’s your last class of the day end?”

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: “Like 5:30 in the Science building. Astronomy lecture”

Your Phone: “I'll meet you there with take out, alright?”

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: “my angel leads me through these dark times once again (ToT)”

Your Phone: “stop with the crying emoticons or I'm not buying you dinner”

The Lovely Kwon Soonyoung: “SIR, YES SIR!”

You can’t help but let out a small giggle as you go back to playing solitaire on your phone.

Soonyoung’s gotta be the most beautifully ridiculous person you’ve ever met, but at least there’s never a dull moment when it comes to him.

A promise is a promise!! Which is why you find yourself sitting criss-cross on one of the benches outside the science building at about 5:30.

“What kind of person signs up for classes so late in the day,,,,,” you mumble to the bag of Chinese food in your lap.

“THIS GUY!!”, an all too familiar voice shouts from behind you.

You turn to glare at Soonyoung but find it difficult once you see his signature cheesy grin.

A brief walk and much too crowded elevator ride later, you and Soonyoung sit on his bed as you explain your idea to him (and break into the lo mein)

"You're frustrated because you can't express yourself, right?,” you ask.

"Exactly. I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not able to dance"

"That's exactly it- dance isn't the only form of self expression. There's singing, art, photography, scrapbooking, instruments, graffiti-"

"I can barely stand on these crutches and you want me spray painting under bridges,,,," Soonyoung complains.

"You know what I mean. There are other things we can do"

"We?,” he says with a playful smile.

"I- I didn't mean like,,,, you can do whatever you want on your own, you don't have to include me-"

"Hey! Hold up, I was just playing around. I want to spend time with you. Who else will make fun of me when my stick figures end up looking like a bunch of random lines?", he says.

"That's true. Alright, I'll be right back", you say, getting up and heading to the door.

"What? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to go get some glitter pens and paper from my desk, geez. Clingy much?"

"I can't help it, I just want to be with you,,,," he says jokingly, but you blush regardless.

That comment sends you flying out of the room before your heart beats out of your chest.

Being around Soonyoung goes from "we're comfortable friends" to "ahahaha yeah but I adore him" way too quickly to be able to cope properly.

Taking a moment to recover, you wander back across the hall with paper and pens in hand, plopping them down on Soonyoung’s bed.

The two of you spend the night doodling poor renditions of each other and drawing whatever comes to mind.

Honestly, you can’t imagine any other way you’d rather spend your time. With Soonyoung, you have the most fun and feel the most comfortable.

Your other friends are great, don’t get the wrong idea, but with Soonyoung there’s just something,,,, different.

Like if the people in your life were cupcakes, he’d be the one with sprinkles and edible glitter on top. He’s that special.

The next few days, and before you know it- weeks- go by with you and Soonyoung exploring new crafts and spending every free moment together.

Your usual table and friends that you eat lunch with have been bombarded with Soonyoung and his gang of hyper boys (Chan, Seokmin, Seungkwan, and the occasional Mingyu)

Luckily they all get along, and are enjoyable to be around. Even if the table is much more cramped and significantly louder than before.

Most of your time is spent with one another though, whether it be trying and hopelessly failing to fold paper cranes or even looking up YouTube videos of “How to Mime Like a Pro”

The more time you spend together, the more difficult it becomes to deny your feelings for him.

Especially because he’s prone to saying flirty things in such a deadpan tone that it’s hard to tell if he’s joking. But he does it so frequently that you’re pretty sure he has feelings with you. He doesn’t flirt with anyone else like that from what you’ve seen.

He may seem like an open book, but a lot of the time it’s hard to tell what he’s really thinking

So you do the Logical Person thing and vow to never talk about your feelings for fear of making it Weird

Which wasn’t too bad at first,,,, but after spending an ungodly amount of time together, you’re so smitten for him it’s all you can think about.

And you need to think about your GPA. Emotions are becoming genuinely distracting.

But alas, your persist out of sheer stubbornness (and fear of rejection)

One day, you’re doing your usual “out and about, creative task” with Soonyoung and it happens to be photography, one of your personal favorites.

The combination of doing things you love with the person you’re crushing hard on has you smiley the entire time, and Soonyoung notices.

“You’re in quite a good mood today? Something I should know about?”, he asks.

“Things seem to be falling into place, ya know? The beginning of the semester was so hectic but now that I’ve gotten into more of a routine, everything seems,,, okay. Better than okay, even”, you answer, snapping a few shots of Soonyoung dramatically posting on a bench.

“Yeah, I mean you didn’t have me at the beginning of the year”, Soonyoung comments nonchalantly as you almost drop your much-to-pricey camera.

“I,,,, I mean yeah,,, there’s other things too though”

“Another man? Hmm… so I’ve got competition, huh?”

Heart feeling like it’s gonna burst out of your throat, instead of amused and flattered with his usual flirty nature, you find yourself frustrated.

Unable to hide your change in mood, you lower the camera.

Soonyoung stands up off the bench and wobbles on over to you. Usually you’d try and meet him halfway but you’re too lost in thought. Perceptive as he is, of course he notices.

“Hey, are you okay? I’m just messing with you”, he says, probably trying to be comforting but it feels like you can’t breathe.

“Are you though? Just messing with me?”, you begin to snap, unable to keep how you really feel inside even a moment longer.

“What? I would never”

“Okay, then what’s your goal? To endlessly flirt with me but never actually make a move? What’s your end-game, here? To lead me on until you find someone better??”

“...there isn’t someone better. There isn’t anyone better”, he says softly, taking a few slow steps closer to you.

“Then do something about it”, you say quietly, looking up into his eyes with such ferocity it makes his own eyes widen.

“Fine! Maybe I will, then”, he snaps.

Soonyoung drops his crutches (practically throws them, honestly), swings one arm around your waist and pulls you towards him. More gently now, he cups your right cheek and kisses you with such passion that you kind of forget to breathe.

Much too quickly for your liking, he pulls away and lets you go. Neither of you say anything.

It’s the slightest bit awkward and a lot of things have been left unsaid,,,, but after that kiss you mostly get where he’s coming from

So you raise your camera and aim to take a photo of him. To your surprise, he bursts into laughter.

And so you do too.

For the next half hour or so, it becomes a game of camera tag essentially,

Soonyoung’s current state gives you an unfair advantage of catching up to him quite easily to try and snap unflattering photos of him.

At one point, he shuffles out of your sight. As you swing around a tree to continue your search, you end up crashing straight into him, sending both of you crashing to the ground.

If it weren’t for the autumn leaves, it probably would’ve hurt a lot more than it did.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay?”, you ask, laying on Soonyoung’s chest.

“Dude forget me- is the camera okay? It’s like 600 bucks!”, he says.

“I don’t care about that! You’re more important than a stupid camera”, you gripe and to your surprise, he starts blushing.

“I,,, didn’t realize I meant that much to you”

“More than 600 dollars?”

“No, I mean,,,,, I thought you were just spending time with me because you felt bad that I got myself injured”, he confesses.

“Wha- Soonyoung. We literally just kissed earlier today. I don’t kiss people out of pity”

Cue more blushing from both parties

“,,,well that’s good,,,, because I like you,,, and stuff”, he mumbles, making every effort to avoid eye contact (even though you’re literally On him).

“Well I like you too and stuff. So I’ll even consider helping you up”, you say, grinning so hard your cheeks muscles begin to ache.

The rest of the day with Soonyoung goes by mostly normally, not including the hand holding and even more blatant cheesy flirting.

You guys make it official a few days later after Soonyoung overthinks everything and texts you at 4 am on a Tuesday to Confirm that you actually wanna be his s/o

To which you reply “yea. now go to sleep loser<3”

Y’all have a very chill and sweet relationship.

You’re super duper comfortable, but like,,,, almost too comfortable in the eyes of your friends.

Soonyoung will let out the most mighty burp and instead of being grossed out, you just give him a score out of ten.

“Five”

“What do you mean five?! Did you hear that??”

“Five and a half. You can do better and you know it”

And after a little while, Soonyoung gets his cast off!!

He goes back to dancing, and every day you text him “be careful you f o o l” right before his classes. Because even though he’s healed, that isn’t gonna stop you from worrying.

You thought that once he got back to dancing, he might not wanna draw and take photos with you anymore, but honestly it’s the opposite.

He’ll barge into your dorm room and say something along the lines of “if I have to do one more pirouette I’m gonna do a stag leap off the roof of the student union” and then doodle various farm animals with you.

This happens more often than he’d like to admit, but you thoroughly enjoy his company regardless.

He also gets to vent while drawing, so that’s a plus, too. He’s the kind of guy that has trouble telling people when he’s feeling down, so you appreciate that he’ll talk to you about it.

Overall, y’all relationship is cute and goals, even if it began in the most unconventional way.

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i-will-be-forever-yours · 5 years

Text

Don’t Leave Us

A/N: Another Shawn x reader fic...please give me feedback about it! if you like it...give me your ideas too! I have limited ideas guys! Thanks for reading and I hope you all like it

Warnings: angst, pre-term labor (not detailed) fluff at the end

Summary: Shawn is going on tour, leaving his pregnant wife, and her neediness causes a fight. What happens when he leaves without a goodbye, and ignores her?

Word Count: Like 2.2k ish

posted 12-21-19

my masterlist

“Hey love, what’s that you’ve got there?” Shawn asks y/n, his thirty-two-week pregnant wife. He peeks over her shoulder to see her thumbing through their wedding album, and it warms his heart while bringing a smile to his face. She is sitting criss-cross in the middle of their bed, facing their floor to ceiling windows that open to the beautiful view of the Toronto skyline.

She looks over her shoulder to see the man she fell in love with, smiling like a child at Christmas. “I was just looking at this for old times sake,” she chuckles. “We’ll have to show this little one when they are older,” she says while rubbing random patterns on her midsection.

He sits behind her, causing the mattress to dip a little more with the added weight and hums into her neck, rubbing his nose in the spot he knew got to her. She giggles at the gesture and playfully shoves him away.

“Shaaaawn!!! Stop that, it tickles!” she laughs. However, he soon pushes her down on the mattress and moves the album out of her hands, only to start tickling her sides viciously. He was still very gentle, aware of the precious being within her, but makes a fierce assault nonetheless. When he could tell she was getting tired, he stills his assault to her sides and flops down on his side while facing her. He reaches his hand and ever so gently caresses the swell of her midsection.

She positions herself onto her side to face him and caresses his cheek. They were there for a couple of minutes before Shawn hears a small sniffle. He immediately looks down and sees tears forming at the edges of y/n’s eyes. Quickly, he brings the hand that was on her bump up to her face, to wipe the tears away.

“What’s wrong, love? Are you hurt...is it the baby?” he questions in a frantic voice, while hurriedly sitting up.

She chuckles before saying in a broken whisper, “no...it’s just that I’m gonna miss you. We’re going to miss you.”

He looks her in the eyes while saying, “I know y/n, and I’m gonna miss you both as well, but it’s only for a couple of weeks. I’ll be back before he decides to join us.”

Smiling, y/n just nods in response before falling asleep. Shawn kisses her on the temple before carefully getting out of bed and wrapping the covers around her. He then heads back into their home office/studio to finish up his last minute things before he has to leave.

It is nearing twelve when he hears the padding of feet. Looking up he sees his wife’s head pop in the cracked door. “What are you doing up honey?” she asks after yawning. He barely shrugs his shoulders before looking back at his laptop to finish up his tour plans.

She feels a little hurt at his action but merely shrugs it off before stating, “well, I’m going to the kitchen to get some strawberries and peanut butter.” Padding off into the kitchen she rummages around before coming up empty. She is able to find the strawberries fairly easily, but there seems to be no more peanut butter.

Finally, she decides to ask Shawn if he knows where any might be. Making her way into the office, she quietly knocks before entering. “Hey, hun...do you know where the peanut butter is?”

She is met with a huff and him pushing his hands against the desk, sending his chair into the wall while he stands. His hands meet his hair, while they start to aggressively run through them. He leans forward, while his hands grip tightly to the desk before he replies “y/n I don’t have time to find the fucking peanut butter. Can’t you just use the Nutella or somethin’?”

In a shocked state, she replies, “We were just, you know, kinda craving some peanut butter.”

“Arghh, will you please stop blaming everything on the fucking baby! The baby is making my back hurt, the baby is craving this, or the baby is doing that! Just stop, you are the problem, not some stupid baby!” he yells in an exasperated voice. As soon as the words come out, he can see the hurt on her face and realization kicks in. He knows what he said and quickly goes to comfort her but she is backing up from him, refusing to let him touch her.

“Baby, I didn’t mean that, ‘m just stressin over leaving…” he tries to explain, but she just shakes her head dejectedly.

With a sad smile, she just turns and lets the tears fall. In a small broken voice, she barely gets out “I think I’m just gonna go to bed now, and if you really feel that way you can go stay with Connor tonight. I know your bag is packed, so you can just go, we’ll be fine. Bye Shawn, I’ll talk to you later.”

He is just left standing there, not knowing if he should go, or leave and let her cool. He decides with the second option and leaves for Connor’s house. The next day he doesn’t even text her to let her know he left. Even after arriving in L.A he refuses to text his wife, not wanting to be rejected once again.

Back home y/n is broken. She thought for sure that Shawn would come home to make up with her before he left. That was not the case, and he just left, without a call or text. She knew from posts online that he made it, but her stubbornness refused to reach out to him. All she had wanted to say to him was ‘Don’t leave us’. It had been three days without contact, and after being overwhelmed with stress, y/n forgot to eat and take care of herself. She was consumed with worry for her relationship, and Shawn. The stress had caused the being inside her stress as well. So much stress that she went into labor, but she was still only thirty-three weeks along. To say she was panicking would be an understatement. Never had she imagined this would happen. She was not prepared for this, she thought she had more time. The nursery wasn’t even finished.

She immediately called Shawn when she felt the spasms in her midsection after calling the emergency services for help. However, her calls when straight to voicemail. Hysterically crying she calls Connor and when she hears his voice she cannot help but let out a relieved sigh. “Connor? Can you tell Shawn that I’m on my way to the hospital and to call me.”

There is a pause on the other end before he asks the inevitable, “why are you going to the hospital y/n?”

“Just tell Shawn for me?” she asks, and Connor can hear the sound of a door opening and the faint sounds of Y/n talking to the paramedics. There’s sounds of movement on the other end before she picks the phone up again and utters a incoherent goodbye. The call is ended and Connor is left standing there in shock and worry for a moment.

Since he met Y/n, he has had a soft spot for her. He could tell how happy she made Shawn and he’d be damned if anything happened to you. He also knew about her condition and that it was relatively early in the pregnancy and that worried him even more. It left his rushing until he was standing before Shawn’s door knocking wildly.

Shawn is lying on his bed when he sees his wife’s face fills his phone screen. He smiles at the picture but denies the call, not wanting to fix the issues over the phone, but waiting to do it in person. The picture was one when she had just woken up and had a soft, sleepy smile adorning her face. He is broken from his daze when he hears banging on his door and quickly jumps off the bed and strides to the door, only to see the red face of his friend Connor staring at him. “Buddy, I don’t know what the hell is going on between you and y/n but you need to get home to her. She really needs you right now Shawn, and I already texted Andrew and he’s going to send out a notice that you can’t perform the next shows.”

“I cannot go home yet, I still have to perform for a couple of weeks before I go on maternity leave.” he chuckles with a confused stare.

“No! You don’t understand! I spoke to Andrew and you are heading home in…” he looks at his watch, “in...less than two hours!”

“And why the hell would I do that Connor? You have no business coming here and telling me how I should fix my life. I can do that on my own, and I don’t need you in my business,” he replies, getting more annoyed and confused by the second.

“It’s because your wife called me when I’m guessing you didn’t answer and told me she was on her way to the hospital. And then I heard the emergency people talking to her and then she ended the fucking call!” he said without taking breaths.

Shawn just stared for a moment before running back into his room and throwing his suitcase on the bed and shoving everything he could grab into it. “Did she say why she was going to the hospital?” he yelled over his shoulder.

“No, ‘m sorry but when I asked she just told me to let you know.”

Nodding to himself, Shawn packed everything and ran to the lobby. Knowing everything would be taken care of he let his mind wander to why Y/n would be going to the hospital.

Shawn was a nervous wreck the entire flight, and various ideas flooded his head at the thought of y/n being taken to the hospital. Once he arrived he was like a bat out of hell and rushed through the airport with his security and into his awaiting uber. Finally arriving at the hospital, he ran to the room that he had been told she were in. However, what he saw made him want to cry.

There y/n was, with tubes up her nose and various ones sticking in her arms. What scared him most was that she was still, and there was no longer a swell to her midsection. He moved like a sloth, inching slowly to the side of the bed. Slowly he pulled up and chair and grabbed y/n’s hand in a vice grip, now and then kissing her hand and whispering for her to wake up.

It felt like hours, but in reality, it was only minutes when he saw the flutter of her eyes. She was staring at him, and that’s when he saw it. He saw that she had not been taking care of herself in what looked like days. “Oh baby, what happened?” he asked while leaning up and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She let out a sob before she moved her hand to his soft curls, running her hands through them to soothe herself. She then moved her hands to her midsection, only to realize the swell that had been there was now gone. Her eyes went wide before a sob was released. “Shawn, the baby! What happened to my baby?”

Shawn could see the panic in her eyes and quickly called for a doctor before she slipped into hysterics. The doctor and nurse came running in and were pleased to see that she was awake, but alarmed when they saw Shawn struggling to hold down her trembling body from getting up.

“Oh, it’s good to see you awake Mrs. Mendes,” the doctor said. While motioning for the nurse to start the check up.

“Where’s my baby, I need to know where he is.” y/n cried to the doctor while fearing the worst news. She was no longer trying to get up while the nurse went through the list, but her heart still pounded in her chest.

“Well you see, since you were only thirty-three weeks into the pregnancy when you went into labor, there were some...complications. You unfortunatly had passed out on the way here, and when they brought you in, you were barely holding on to consciousness, so we had to do an emergency c-section. You didn’t have the strength to go though a natural labor ma’am.”

“That didn’t answer my damn question! Where. Is. My. Baby!” y/n yelled through gritted teeth, while Shawn sat at the edge of the bed clutching her hand in his trying to soothe her, but in reality he was terrified himself. He feared for his baby boy and also for Y/n and what would happen to his marriage if they had lost their baby boy.

“Yes, as I was saying, there were complications. There was some unexpected bleeding, and we had to fix that, but it’s okay now. But your baby...well all I can say that he is a fighter. He is very, very tiny being born so early, but he will make it. Right now he is in the nique and will have to stay there for a bit, but you can visit him and he will be good to go home very soon. You will also have to stay for a couple of days to make sure you recover properly as well.” the doctor smiles gently at the shaken couple.

Relieved sighs left their mouths as they both embraced each other and cried tears of joy. The doctor quietly stood as they embraced, and was about to leave when Shawn looked up and asked, “What caused her to go into preterm labor?”

“Well, it could be several things, but it seems that high blood pressure and added stress was a major factor. It also seems that Mrs. Mendes was a little malnourished and dehydrated, but that can all be fixed with a couple of days of rest and proper food intake.”

Shawn nodded and the doctor took his cue to leave. It was quiet for a while before Shawn broke the peacefulness by caressing y/n’s face and brushing away the tears with the pad of his thumb. “I’m sorry for neglecting your needs y/n. It’s my fault you went into labor, and we could’ve lost him because I failed to be the father and husband I’m supposed to be.”

“You are not the cause of this, and you are the best husband I could’ve ever wanted. I wouldn’t want to have a baby with anyone else. And he is okay, we didn’t lose him okay? I love you, Shawn.”

He smiled at her, and let the tears flow, before colliding his lips with hers. It was not the hungry kiss, nor was it a simple peck on the lips. It was a kiss that was like their first. It was meaningful.

Later that day they both saw their baby. y/n was pushed in a wheelchair because she was still weak after surgery. They saw their little boy through the glass, and their hearts felt complete. Never had they felt so much love for such a tiny being. They loved him with all they had, and they were a family. They were gonna be just fine.

_______________________________________________________________________

guyyyys......sooooo what did you think? if you liked hit please like it and repost!! give me your beautiful ideas...I think I'll add that requests are open! thank you so much for your time reading this

#shawn x reader #pregnant reader #angst to fluff #kinda bad writing #shawn mendes imagine

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anandasamsara · 4 years

Text

Just ranting for a bit here, bc people wont see it and then i can take things off my chest.

Im feeling really lost. I worked all year to open my store, and then i had the biggest and most challenging commission i ever got (and i only ever got like, 3) to make just as i opened shop. The 2 or 3 days between opening the store and starting the commission, i felt terrible, bc it was like i hit an end and there was nothing after.

And now im at the same place again. I only feel a spark of excitement over new orders at the store (only five in almost 20 days) and then its over. I feel bored out of my mind, but no idea what to do. I keep having new ideas for new products, but i can’t do that until i get at least half of my investment back, which i can see will take a long while.

I also feel disconnected of everything. I get distracted trying to enjoy my hobbies, sidetracked and ignored in conversations with more than one friend at the same time, fully ignored and discarded in other friend groups. Im tired of being stuck inside while my parents go out as if nothing was really that bad. Im angry that they get to see people and i cant see any of my friends bc my family is putting me in risk, and i will not put anyone else in risk bc of it.

I did see 2 friends the past 2 weeks. My bro came here to get his things that he bought from my store and another artist’s one that we bought together, but i saw him for less than a minute and he was off. We barely talked, i couldnt touch him bc of his health issues. Yesterday i saw my last crush and friend from uni for the same reason, but he hugged me immediatelly. I was almost panicking, but it felt soo good to finally hug someone after so long. We talked for a while trading problems and ideas and making plans to see each other again when it all ends. But that was it.

Then i got home and mom came with news that my baby cousin’s birthday party will be at his godfather’s place, the other side of the next city, and they want me to go. We dont have a car, we dont have 300 bucks for the there and back uber, and i wont risk public transportation. Fight number one has already happened, and i can only imagine how many more will come.

I’m starting to feel like everything is pointless. Even my most dedicated friends are getting fed up with it all and starting to let go and go out and such. I had to go get some things from a courrier service and mom went with me, convinced me to eat at a restaurant, then got mad at me bc i was having a panic attack bc some guys were fully and loudly ignoring all safety precautions in place. People are getting this mentality of “if i die, i die”, but no one stops to think how many more they’re taking with them. I dont want this to happen to anyone, particularly me, and i dont know what i’d do if i accidentally let it happen to someone i care about bc of me, or my family. If my bro catches it somehow, and i have an inkling that i might be responsible, i dont know what i’d be capable of, truly.

And yet, im anxious to see them, to hug everyone, or to just be in proximity. Im terrible at staying in contact over only online means, im not really part of any group. I dont have anything to talk about. The last messages between me and my friends are mostly me trying to find something to talk about and it falling to the void of unread or ignored messages, i guess. I dont know how to keep in touch with people anymore. I probably never knew.

I think the only other time i felt so lonely was when i broke my foot in 2011. I couldnt walk for 6 full months, and eventually everyone got tired of me. It was when i started using tumblr, when i learned english, gotten into fanfic, bc there was nothing else to do and no one else to talk to. This time around i turned to art, but apparently even that has a limit, as my right arm starts hurting the more hours i keep at it.

And this all is only part of my problems, but i guess i’ll stop here.

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1-1snailxd-art · 5 years

Text

Answer the Phone (oneshot)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Ships: Analogical, Royality

Warning: some panicked boys

Summary: Logan and Roman receive an SOS message from Virgil, but they can’t get hold of him. Logan is afraid for his partner and as Roman receives no replies, he starts to fear for everyone's safety.

Word count: 1084

______________________________

Music blasted from a Bluetooth speaker as Virgil bounced his leg to the beat and sketched away at his desk. A knocking on his door had him absentmindedly pressing the sides of his phone to try and turn the tunes down as he moved to answer the door.

******************************

It happened so fast. On opposite sides of town Logan and Roman’s phones rang loudly; while Patton’s dead flat phone remained silent. The messages that came in quick succession had the two men’s hearts racing immediately.

Virgil: I need help.

Virgil: I am here *click for directions*

Virgil: Please call or come find me.

Roman called an incomprehensive apology to his rehearsal group as he headed for the door; pausing to grab his bag as he headed out of the theatre. He ordered an Uber for the next block as he began his journey to Virgil’s location; attempts to call Virgil yielded only an old voice message.

Roman: Virgil. Call me

Roman: I’m on my way but please call me back.

Fearful of the endless possibilities, Roman sent a string of messages to Patton and Logan as well; desperate for any form of response from his partner and friend. Again, Patton’s phone had no life to receive the message and he remained oblivious as his silence cause Roman to panic further; Logan on the other hand, was beyond logical reasoning.

The moment the messages appeared on Logan’s phone, he was out of his seat and leaving the lecture hall with nothing but the contents of his pockets. Luck was in his favour as he had his keys in his pocket, practically running to his car while attempting to call Virgil back. He left voice message after voice message to his boyfriend, begging him to answer the phone and let him know that he was okay. It was safe to say that Logan ignored every second road rule as he raced home; hitting redial and hoping present day Virgil would pick up the phone, rather than his monotone past self.

Virgil’s phone was discarded on the carpet; silently vibrating with every missed phone call and message as the two men raced ever closer.

******************************

To say Logan parked in the driveway, would be unfair to the poor plants that were mowed over as he came to a halt outside of the house. Leaving the car door open, Logan bounded up the front steps without a moment for his senses to fully take in his surroundings. Reaching the front door Logan was even more shocked to find the front door was unlocked, Virgil’s phone discarded in the entry and Virgil yelling “stop!” from upstairs.

Roman leaped out of the Uber before the driver had fully stopped the car, catching sight of Logan disappearing up the internal stairs and racing to catch up. Mind working overtime, Logan struggled to register the scene he was met with once he reached the landing.

Virgil slammed into his chest….laughing?

Instincts still in control, Logan wrapped his arms around his partner and turned them away from the footsteps that approached from the bedroom.

“I’m gonna get y- Logan?” Patton beamed as he came out of the room. “What are you doing here?”

“Yeah, Lo?” Virgil giggled and craned his head back to get a better looked at the others face. “Didn’t you have cl-“

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” Roman hollered, practically frantic as he looked at the group in shock.

Smiles faded from the faces of the two oblivious men; Virgil noticed the tear that now trailed down Logan’s cheek and Patton was taken aback by Roman’s unusually harsh tone.

“Logan?” Attempts to pull out of the hug were futile, as Logan only tightened his hold on Virgil as more tears slipped from his eyes. Giving in, Virgil leaned in closer and squeezed him back just as tight; hands gently rubbing his back.

Patton stepped past the pair to reach Roman. “What’s wrong, Roman? Has something happened?”

“Oh, something happened alright,” Roman huffed; chest heaving as he struggled to process held emotions. “I got a crazy message from Virgil calling for help; with his location and everything so I thought it was a serious emergency. I left rehearsals to come over because no one was answering my calls, and I get here to find you and Virgil acting like everything is sunshine and rainbows.”

“It’s okay, Roman.” Reaching a tentative hand out, Patton froze as Roman snapped back.

“IT’S NOT OKAY, PATTON!” Though his tone was harsh, his face expressed fear and hurt. “I-I-I thought something…bad had happened.”

“Jeez, guys, I’m so sorry. I have no idea what you are talking about. Sorry, Lo. I’m sorry.” If Logan and Virgil held each other any tighter, they would begin to disrupt their oxygen flow.

Hands roughly scraping through his hair, Roman took a shaky breath and leant back against the wall to support himself; feeling faint as adrenaline faded from his system. Lowering his head, Patton took cautious steps closer to Roman until they finally connected, and he could wrap careful arms around his torso.

It took a good 5 minutes for Logan to find his reality again and release his hold on Virgil; shifting to take his hand as they walked down the stairs to retrieve the discarded phone. It didn’t take long for them to discover that Virgil’s new phone had a SOS command that Virgil had accidentally set off while trying to turn down his music when Patton came around for a surprise visit. Guilt was a heavy weight on both Virgil and Patton’s hearts as they did their best to make up for their ignorance; even if it wasn’t entirely their fault. The sun was just beginning to set when Virgil and Logan’s roommate, Remy, stumbled in from a tiring day and found the group taking up the lounge room.

Tossing their bag and shoes aside, they strode into the room with nothing but confidence.

“Okay ladies, make room because this queen has a need for cuddles and comfort too.”

As natural as breathing, positions were adjusted, and the group nestled into the corner couch comfortably. The moment was now and everything else could come tomorrow. Though the days events had scared them beyond description, it had also brought the couples closer. Except Remy… they were blissfully unaware and didn’t care; happily ordering pizza for the group and changing movies as needed. They didn’t need to know what happened; they only had to make sure it ended happily after all.

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halstudandruz · 5 years

Text

Competition

*Not my gif*

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Requested: Yes

Prompt: You’re done vying for Jay’s attention when it comes to Hailey

Warnings: Swearing

I’m more of a jealous person than I’d like to admit. Although I do think I hide it well. Jay and I always had a flirty relationship ever since my first day in intelligence. I was told Voight had originally planned to partner us together, but changed his mind quickly putting me with Kevin after he caught on to Jay and I’s flirting. We kind of had an implied relationship. Fooled around, stayed at each other apartment’s most nights, bickered every so often. It was pretty much your typical relationship although we never did put a label on it. Kim had always pushed me to sit down and have “the talk” with him, but I just never felt it was necessary. I figured we both knew it was a thing so why put us through something awkward. However, whenever Hailey came into intelligence I began to second guess my thoughts more and more. Hailey was partnered with Jay, and I’m not going to lie she intimidated me upon her arrival. She was pretty, smart, strong, and just over all a morally good person and cop. It worried me more whenever Jay seemed to shift our flirty relationship over to Hailey. I tried to convince myself I was being crazy, but it just made me uncomfortable and honestly quite jealous. It was becoming increasingly more intolerable by the days. I did as best as I could to not let my relationship effect my job. I mean that was Voight’s one rule, but I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I felt like I was being childish, but working with Hailey was just uncomfortable. I knew she had only been in the unit about a month, but she had to know Jay and I had a thing. Jay had to have told her. Right?

“Am I just being overly jealous?” I asked Kim glancing over to Jay and Hailey goofing off together.

“I don’t know it seems pretty weird.” Kim agreed with me. “I told you, you should’ve had the talk.” Kim scolded.

“Okay, well I figured it was just implied.” I wined.

“I love Jay and all, but he’s a guy [Y/N]. You can’t just rely on things to be implied with them.” Kim explained. I sighed heavily knowing she was right.

“She’s just needs to stop being a hoe.” I crossed my arms seeing red whenever I seen Jay brush Hailey’s hair out of her face.

“Unfortunately, it works both ways hun.” Kim scrunched her face towards them. I seen Jay glance over at me as I stormed off towards the break room. I began to make a new pot of coffee whenever I heard Jay come in behind me.

“What’s wrong?” Jay asked.

“Nothing.” I answered shrugging.

“Yeah it really seems like nothing.” Jay said giving me a look.

“I’m fine. Just tired.” I replied.

“Well I did keep you pretty busy last night.” Jay smirked leaning against the counter beside me. I couldn’t help the chuckle that came out of me.

“Shut up, get back to work.” I rolled my eyes pushing his chest. He laughed loudly turning to walk back out. The unit had decided to go out to Molly’s together that night. It had been a long week and we just wanted to have fun on a Friday night.

“Where are we staying tonight?” Jay yelled from the kitchen as I was getting dressed.

“We can stay at your place. I just need to pack a bag.” I answered.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve accumulated enough clothes at my place to not have to pack anything.” Jay laughed walking in my room to sit on the bed.

“That’s probably true.” I shrugged still grabbing a few things to throw in my purse. “Who’s all going tonight?” I asked trying to be casual as I walked into the bathroom to grab a few more things.

“Kev, Adam, Kim, Hailey, I’m not sure if Antonio is going to be there or not.” Jay answered making me sigh heavily. “What?” He asked.

“Nothing. Come on I’m ready.” I said grabbing my purse walking towards the door where he followed. When we arrived at Molly’s everyone was already there seated around a table. There was a seat open next to Kevin and one next to Hailey. I hesitated not wanting to sit next to Hailey, but also not wanting Jay to sit next to her. He beat me to it though walking past me and sliding right up next to her. I composed myself before walking over sliding in next to Kevin.

“Hey [Y/L/N], nice of you to finally show up.” Kevin joked making me roll my eyes.

“Pretty boy over there likes to take hour long showers.” I said nodding my head towards Jay hoping Hailey would hear, but her and Jay were already emersed in conversation. The night was full of drinks and jokes. Jay pretty much focused on Hailey the entire night barely acknowledging me. Our group was spread across the bar, but Kim and Adam were seated at the counter with me. I finally lost my cool whenever I watched Jay whisper in Hailey’s ear which she replied by running her hand up and down Jay’s thigh. “Yeah nope that’s it I’m going home.” I told them.

“What the hell is he doing.” Adam said wide eyed at what was happening. “You know Hailey isn’t like that right? It has to be cause she’s drunk.” Adam continued.

“It’s okay. I don’t care anymore, it’s my fault.” I sighed grabbing my purse saying goodbye to the two and carefully sneaking out so nobody else saw me. I called an Uber to get me back to my apartment. I was so angry and hurt that I couldn’t really feel anything. I just felt emotionless. It was my fault. I should’ve listened to Kim, but it was too late now. I just couldn’t believe after everything we had done in the last few months that he would even back out like that. I walked into my apartment throwing my bag on the couch and heading straight for my bedroom. I got changed, and put my phone on do not disturb not wanting to deal with anything or anyone. Eventually the tears did start to roll down my face just as I fell asleep. I was awoken by a loud banging at my door. I groaned getting up to answer it. Looking through the peephole I seen Jay standing outside with his phone to his ear. I contemplated opening it but decided to do so. As soon as I open the door he came flying in wrapping me in a hug.

“What the hell [Y/N]!?” Jay yelled.

“Would you lower your voice! It’s 3 in the fucking morning. People are sleeping.” I said harshly shutting the door behind him. “Why are you yelling at me anyway?” I asked.

“I’ve been calling and texting you for the last 2 hours and it just kept going to voicemail, I was worried sick.” He explained reaching for my hand, but I backed up.

“Probably because I didn’t want to talk to you.” I retorted crossing my arms.

“Why? I thought we were staying at my place tonight what happened? You just disappeared.” He asked confused.

“You’re joking right now right? You can’t be serious.” I laughed.

“I am so confused.” Jay admitted wide eyed at my anger.

“I’m done Jay. I’m not doing this anymore.” I explained causing him to be taken back.

“Wait what? What do you mean? What’s going on?” Jay panicked reaching for me but failing when I backed up once again.

“I’m sick of feeling like I’m in competition with Hailey, and I refuse to do it anymore. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I thought that this was a thing, but I know now it’s not. I was stupid enough to fall in love with someone who was just messing around with me, and that’s on me.” I whispered feeling a huge lump in my throat despite the few tears that were now rolling down my face. Realization and shock came over Jay’s face.

“I’m such a fucking idiot.” He sighed running a hand down his face. “Can you please come here.” He begged reaching out for me. I shook my head no standing still. He dropped his hand, hurt and guilt clear on his face. “Hailey and I have nothing going on. It sounds stupid now, but I liked seeing you jealous. I thought it was cute. I liked knowing you were worried about losing me. But now I know I took it too far.” He explained.

“Ya think?” I asked still angry.

“I’m so sorry. I promise I would never hurt you on purpose. I love you so much. I’m sorry baby.” Jay pleased walking towards me slowly. I stood still arms still crossed but also not moving backwards. I could feel my heart beating rapidly at his confession knowing he had never said it before. He reached me pulling me in his arms. I gave in grabbing his biceps and stuffing my face into his chest his scent overwhelming me.

“So what is this? What are we?” I asked figuring now would be a good time to take Kim’s advice.

“Are you really asking that?” Jay laughed.

“Well I didn’t think I had to, but someone had to go and be a manwhore.” I huffed.

“I was not being a manwhore.” Jay said eyebrow raised amusement on his face.

“You keep telling yourself that.” I glared at him.

“Okay well if you’re okay with it I would be more than happy to spend my life with you by my side.” Jay smiled bringing his hand up to cup my cheek.

“You sure about that? Cause I’m sure Hailey would jump at the chance to-“ I began to tease him.

“Babeeeeee come on.” Jay whined causing me to giggle.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” I smirked looking at him making him chuckle.

“I hope you know how much I love you.” Jay whispered leaning down to kiss me. Luckily after Hailey was informed of the situation she apologized profusely to me and just about killed Jay.

#chicago pd imagine #chicago pd x reader #jay halstead #chicago pd #halstead x reader #jay halstead imagine #jayhalsteadxreader #jay halstead x reader

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crowdedimagines · 6 years

Text

Home - David Dobrik

word count: 1960 summary// David asks the reader to come back home to chicago with him even though they are just friends

“Please, Y/n” David groans.

David has been begging and pleading all night for me to come back home to Chicago with him. He hates traveling alone and was looking for someone to go with him. Usually he would just take Jason, but he can’t come because Wyatt has a concert at school.

“Fine!” I finally give in, he has been persistent about it.

“Thank you!” He exclaims, he goes over to Natalie to ask her to book another flight for me.

“When do we leave?”

“Uhhh, in a few hours.” He immediately gets a guilty look on his face.

“David.” I groan, “We leave tonight?”

I look at the clock, it’s already seven. Natalie yells from her room that the flight leaves at 11:00.

“I can’t believe we leave so soon David! Why didn’t you tell me it was that soon?”

“Because then you would have for sure said no.” He smirks, knowing he’s right.

“I am going home to pack.” I inform, getting up from the couch and grabbing my car keys off the coffee table.

“Thank you, Y/n.” He sing songs, he does a dorky little dance as he walks over to where I stand. He gives me a hug and eventually lets go.

On the drive home I can’t stop thinking about the trip. I’ve never gone back home with David before.

I take a shower and pack all of the warm clothes that I have. The midwest is definitely colder than Los Angeles is right now. I’m excited to go to a new city. I’m also excited to spend time with David.

David picks me up at my apartment building so I don’t have to drive straight back to his place. He opens the wings of the car for me to put my stuff in the backseat.

“Hey!” He greets.

“Hi.” I smile, putting on my seatbelt.

We almost miss our flight but thankfully we don’t. David got us first class tickets, meaning it’s only David and I in our row. We film a bit together before David turns off his camera and puts it away.

Our flight is late enough that they pass out blankets. David and I both recline our seats and curl up in them. I rest my head on David’s shoulder and neither of us acknowledge it.

“Wow, David you’re going to actually go to bed at a normal time.” I tease.

“I know, it doesn’t feel right.” He laughs.

I manage to fall asleep and I don’t wake up until David is gently shaking my shoulder.

“Hey, we’re about to land.”

I sit up and start putting all of my stuff together.

“Where are we staying tonight?” I ask, my eyes still half closed.

His face flushes for a second before he scratches the back of his neck.

“David? Tell me we have a place to stay tonight.” I laugh nervously.

“We do, it was just kind of a last minute trip so…”

“So?”

“We have to stay at my parents house tonight. We have a hotel room for the other nights but it was too late for tonight.”

“Oh, okay.”

“Is that alright?” He questions.

“Yeah! I don’t care, you just had me nervous that we were going to be on a park bench somewhere.” I joke.

We get our luggage and take an Uber all the way to David’s family home in Vernon Hills. His family knows that we’re coming so the light on the front porch is on.

“Awe, David this is your house.” I punch his shoulder lightly.

“Yeah.” He laughs and brushes it off.

We go inside and I scream loudly when the entire Dobrik family jumps out at us. David is laughing hard now, he was just as surprised as I was.

“What the hell?” He laughs, “I thought you guys would all be asleep by now.”

“It’s a Saturday, mom and dad let us get up!” Toby explains.

“Oh my god, Y/n!” Ester and Sara scream and run forward and pull me into a tight hug.

“Hi!” I smile and hug them both back.

“Wow, where’s my hug?” David pretend to be hurt that his sisters hugged me first.

“Y/n is actually cool.” Sara explains, making me burst out laughing.

“I am so glad that I came.” I laugh.

Everyone settles down a bit after that, David introduces me to his parents who are very nice. They all decide to go back to bed, simply stating it was too early.

“Y/n, you can sleep in my old room.” David throws his bag down on the couch.

“Okay, where are you sleeping?” I ask.

He jumps on the couch and nestles in to answer my question. He looks too long for it, there is no way he could be comfortable right now.

“David, you aren’t serious are you?” I ask, I give him a look.

“I’m fine, Y/n. Really.”

“David, it’s your room.”

“So?”

“So, I feel bad just taking your bed.” I laugh.

“Don’t, I made you come here anyway! You’re doing me a favor.”

“David it’s not like that any you know it.”

He gives me a look at sits up a little bit.

“Why don’t you just come up with me?”

David thinks for a second before getting up off the couch. He leads the way upstairs to his bedroom. He opens the door and I imagine it’s exactly the same as it was when he was a teenager still in high school.

“Wow.” I laugh at some of the old pictures.

“Shut up.” He groans.

We both set down our bags before getting under the covers. Since knowing him we have never shared a bed together only ever naps on his big couch. It isn’t as weird as I thought it would be.

“Goodnight, Y/n” David mumbles, I can tell by his voice he’s already half asleep.

“Goodnight.”

I don’t fall asleep as quickly as he does. I sit there for awhile just staring at the wall trying to get tired. David is snoring at this point, completely gone. He moves around, his arm comes around my waist. It makes me halt immediately.

His snores continue, telling me that he’s still asleep. Somehow now with his body warmth as a comfort I fall asleep.

David’s POV

The sun is shining brightly on my face when I wake up. Neither Y/n or I shut the blinds last night when we went to bed. I look over and see we’re much closer now than we were when I fell asleep. My arm is wrapped around her waist, her arm on top of mine holding it there.

“Morning!” Toby yells, bursting into the room.

“Shh!” I pull my arm out to hold a finger to my lips.

“Dad made breakfast.” Toby whispers loudly.

I nod and Toby goes back downstairs, leaving the door wide open. I look over and somehow Y/n is still asleep. I get up and stretch, my mom walks by the hall and peeks her head in the room.

“Good morning.” She whispers, acknowledging that Y/n is still asleep.

“Morning.”

“So, Y/n came home with you this time?” She smirks and raises her brows inquisitively.

I look over, she’s in the same position.

“Yes.” I roll my eyes at my mom.

“She is the one you told me about all those months ago. She is sweet.” My mom remembers more than I wish she did, “She’s the one you love.”

“Shh!” I push my mom back out into the hall and pull my door shut behind me. “Mom!”

“What? She doesn’t know?” Mom is confused at this point.

I shake my head no and walk downstairs to get breakfast.

Y/n POV

David loves me?

I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I was hoping to fall back asleep. I didn’t know I was going to overhear that David is in love with me.

I get up and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweater, I find a bathroom and brush my teeth and wash my face. I go downstairs to find that everyone has finished eating except for Toby.

“Good morning, Y/n!” Toby says loudly.

“Good morning, Toby.” I smile at him.

David gets up so he can grab a plate from the cabinet for me. He hands it to me with a smile. He seems like normal David but I’m panicking a little inside. How long has he loved me? I can’t tell a difference in how he acts. When did it start? Hearing that he loves me only reminds me of the feelings I had a while ago. I decided our friendship was worth to much to risk telling him so I buried it. Now, I have a feeling it’s resurfaces.

I grab a pancake and sit down with everyone else. We talk all morning and even play a few games as a family plus me. It’s nice to see David like this. He isn’t worried about filming or social media. He doesn’t even have his camera with him.

“Y/n?” David asks, grabbing my attention.

“Yeah?” I look up at him.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go see where my old high school was. I want to show you around my Vernon Hills.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.” I smile.

I run upstairs to grab my coat, David comes up too to grab his camera. We take the car that David got for his Dad a few months ago. He shows me where he used to play tennis, light fireworks, and his high school.

David stops the car by a park and starts to tell me a story of something that happened there.

“-yeah so that’s when I met Natalie for the first time.” He smiles, reminiscing.

“That’s so cute.” I grin.

He starts another story that has to do with this park, but I can’t focus at all on what he’s saying. All I can think about is what I overheard this morning.

“David.” I interrupt.

“What?” He looks at me with concern.

“Do you love me? Like love me love me?” I ask bluntly.

His face pales and he runs a hand through his hair.

“Shit, I thought you might be awake. Dammit Toby.”

I wait patiently for him to answer. He takes a deep breath and turns in his seat to face me.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Y/n, I love you. Wow that feels good to say out loud. It feels like a weight off my chest. I feel like I can-”

“Since when?” I cut off his nervous rant.

“Since I met you. On and off, but yeah.” He scratches the back of his neck.

We both sit in silence for a while.

“Please say something.” He rubs at his eyes.

“I love you too.”

David’s head snaps towards mine at breakneck speed.

“You what?” He asks in disbelief.

“I love you too, David. I have for a while. I buried it but once I was reminded of it this morning it all came rushing back.”

“Oh my god.” He grins. “Thank you, Toby.”

I continue to roll with the confidence. I reach forward and place a hand on the back of David’s neck. I pull him closer and lean in until our lips meet. It’s perfect. We both pull away to smile at each other for a second. Then we start to makeout, not wanting to ever stop kissing. I don’t want to lose this feeling. After our lips are red and swollen we pull away, resting our foreheads against each other.

“Let’s go home.”

OMG PART TWO?

#david dobrik imagines #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik #david x reader #david #david imagine #vlog squad #davids vlog #david's vlogs #vlog squad imagines #youtuber imagines #youtube imagines #david dobrik x you #should i do part two #like

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abovethesmokestacks · 5 years

Text

💜💜💜

Extraction

“Captain? Captain Rogers? Captain, report!”

The crackle over the comms sounded far away, but the voice was still so familiar. Steve groaned, pushing himself up and balking at the mayhem. Smoke billowed from crashed vehicles, people were running around, screaming and panicking. His body ached, protesting the impact of being blown into a car by a shockwave. There were times when he missed it, a sense of nostalgia attached to feeling pain, to feeling human.

“Steve! Sound off, or I’m coming to get you!”

“You better do it, Steve, she’s looking like she might do something you’d approve of,” came Maria Hill’s voice, still a little garbled over the shaky line. “Like, I don’t know, jumping off a moving air craft. Hey! Sit down!”

Steve laughed, a sound that turned into a groan when his ribs protested. “’M here. Just… had a run in with a car. Where’s Sam and Wanda?”

“They’re fine. Wanda’s got a banged up wrist, Sam’s air lifting them out of there,” you told him. “Backup is ten minutes out, they’ll get you out of there before they move in, but we need you to evacuate from the area.”

“What about casualties?”

“Stark’s sending reinforcements,” Maria supplied, “just haul ass out of there, we’ve got a good extraction point three blocks away, but you gotta move now.”

With a succinct “copy”, Steve got up, feeling joints crack as he stretched. It was supposed to be a simple recon mission. Go in, surveil, gather intel. For obvious reasons, he didn’t have his shield, or most of his gear. The nanotech ballistic fabric Stark had approved for testing had done a good job withstanding the blast, but Steve knew his ribs would still ache by the time they got home, and you would insist on sending him to the medbay for a check-up.

Wincing, he jogged through the streets, zigzagging between cars to avoid any possible hostiles that could still be in the area. God, they really needed to start questioning intel more. He’d make it a New Years resolution. Or a mid-year resolution. Bucky would fall to his knees and praise whatever higher power available for that insight, Steve knew it, and he also knew he’d never hear the end of it from his friend when inevitably they found themselves in trouble again after charging into battle because of lacking intel.

“Take a left at the next intersection, and you’re there. Back up will arrive in three minutes,” you updated him, and Steve sprinted the last thirty yards, turning and spotting a dinged up bus stop shelter.

Three minutes stretched out like an eternity. Steve felt like his body was going into a cramp, tensing up every time a distant boom sounded. The streets seemed so much more menacing when deserted, cars abandoned with their doors open, sirens blaring from all directions, smoke rising towards the sky. When the large humvee turned the corner a block away, Steve almost broke into a run, his heart beating wildly in his chest.

“Someone called for a ride?” Clint popped up from the hatch in the roof, shooting him a grin.

“Jesus, you guys are worse than Uber. Can’t even pick me up from my original location,” Steve laughed, pulling Clint into a brief hug when the man jumped down from the roof, while the rest of the team poured out from the doors like clowns out a VW bug

“Gotta stand apart from the competition, Cap. And I can guarantee you that Uber won’t come pick you up from an active battlezone.”

“Barton, if you keep encouraging him, I will end you.”

Clint merely laughed, jogging after the team. Steve climed into the car and was sped out of the city to the sound of screeching tires. His heartbeath calmed, but his muscles still refused to relax. The driver, a rookie agent named Collins, had to have the patience of a saint because she never once commented on the way Steve tapped his fingers against the door panel or jiggled his leg. Well out of the city, they veered towards a wooded area that opened up into a clearing, the quinjet waiting for them. You stood on the opened hatch, arms crossed over your chest. Steve smiled, waving of Collins and walking up to you with a smile on his face.

“I can’t let you go anywhere, mr. Rogers,” you remarked, feigning disappointment.

Steve pulled you into a hug, laying a soft kiss to your lips and melting into your warmth. “No, you can’t, mrs. Rogers.”

#Good Friday gif drabbles #Steve Rogers x reader #hispeculiartreasure #submission

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spideyspence · 6 years

Text

no one nowhere knows me better than you ; tom holland

and it’s done wow. my lil bby is done oh my gosh. this is my first little series that i wrote and sorry that this has taken quite a while. i had 3 assignments to do for school and and i was prioritising school over this fic. so it’s done, i hope you guys enjoyed. i’m going to say thank you again to @jazzyjoc for proof reading this and i apologise for any spelling mistakes.

thank you all for joining me on this lil journey.

masterlist

part one ; part two

You stood there in your apartment with the music blasting through the speaker in the kitchen, dancing and wearing a hoodie.

This time, the hoodie wasn’t Tom’s.

You loved oversized hoodies and you knew that the way to get over Tom (for good) was to pack away the clothing he never came to pick up. You put them in a card box, to be forgotten at the back of your wardrobe. You went out shopping and bought five new ones, and you called it ‘self-care’ which seems funny, but it was what you needed.

You had tried to rush getting over Tom, but now you knew that it wasn’t an overnight thing. It never would be because your relationship with him meant so much to you.

Over the music you don’t hear the door knock on the door, nor were you expecting it. It was only when your speaker turned off to sound your phone ringing that you heard the knocks on the doors. You see your close girlfriends all standing around, one ending a call which quietened your phone.

‘Oh my gosh, sorry guys I’ve just been caught up lately.’ You apologise.

Your friends brush it off as you continue back into the kitchen and they follow you into your apartment.

It’s been a couple of hours and you and your friends are completely smashed. Starting off with a nice glass of red wine and then someone revealing that they had a bottle of vodka in their bad.

Your original plan for the night was a nice chat with your friends with a glass of red wine, and that being it. The bottle of vodka was not on the agenda but with the events of that night, you don’t regret it at all.

‘So, Y/N, how are you going with Tom?’ One of your friends said to you, wanting to know how you were going, if you were getting over the man.

‘Tom? Tom who? I’ve moved on. I don’t need anything other than you girls, my hoodies and this great shot of vodka I’m about to drink.’ You laughed as you drowned the liquid that burned your throat.

Your friends joined you in your laugh but in your drunken state you still managed to lie well. You were getting over the boy, but you still needed him.

You missed him.

After a few more shots, your friends decided to call it a night at 11pm. You were a bit shocked at their early departure, but they said that they were officially tired and a couple of them were about to crash.

You offered for them to just stay where they were and to let them borrow some of your clothes so they could just fall asleep in the spare room or even the couch. They insisted on going home though.

So, they called an Uber and went home. It again, wasn’t the night you had planned, but you still enjoyed the night.

You were still buzzing from the alcohol and you weren’t ready to go to sleep yet. You were also lonely, which you weren’t surprised about because that’s one of the things that usually happens when you’re alone and drunk.

That’s why sober you would be disappointed in your decision to call Tom, but she would understand.

She also wouldn’t regret the decision.

‘Tommy, it’s an emergency.’ You whine when he answers the phone.

‘Y’N, what’s wrong?’ He says, panicked but also confused.

You both hadn’t talked nor caught up in too long. You were both distant and it was hurting the two of you. Everyone around you both could see it, but you couldn’t see the pain you were causing one another.

‘I’m all alone. My friends have gone home, and I miss you and I’m lonely.’ You mumble but after so many years of Tom knowing you like the back of his hand, he understood.

‘Do you want me to come over?’ Tom says, slowly and carefully.

‘Yes please.’ You say with a drunken, soft smile.

Tom turns up at your place half an hour later, and when you open the door you give him a hug.

In your intoxicated state, you didn’t focus in on the look of tiredness on the curly-haired boys face, like he hadn’t been sleeping properly. His hair was all over the place, but when he wasn’t working, he just let them roam free. You would always run your fingers through his hair, one, because he loved the feeling, two, his curls are so soft.

You missed your best friend, even if you still felt that little pull of your heartstrings whenever you saw him, missing him hurt more than that pull.

Tom smiles as he looks at you, neither saying a word. You invite him in as you jump on the couch and wrap yourself up in a blanket.

‘Guess what Tom, I’m a burrito.’ You joked as you rolled around, trapped on the blanket. You laughed as if it was the funniest joke you had made, and Tom laughs along with you.

How could he not? The reflection from the light in your eyes is a place that Tom never wants to leave. Your laugh always being contagious and managing to stir emotions in his stomach that make him feel like he’s just seeing you for the first time all over again.

You grab the remote and turn on the TV because when you were drunk, you tended to be a lot more stubborn than sober you.

You continue watching Orange is the New Black, a show your friends had been nagging you to watch but when two of the characters start to have sex, you had to protect your best friend.

You jump over to him and cover his eyes with your hand.

‘Y/N, what are you doing?’ Tom chuckles.

‘It’s a naughty scene, I have to cover your eyes. It’s a sex scene and you’re still this small,’ you say as you indicated with your index finger and your thumb that Tom is about a centimetre ‘small’. ‘You need to be protected, you’re not old enough to watch this kind of stuff.’

Tom laughs at your childish acts and when the scene finishes, you return to your previous spot on the couch and watch the rest of the episode.

Tom could be watching the show but instead he’s watching you. How you seem so much more relaxed around him but what scares him is he doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol or not. He wants things to go back the way they were prior to him and you dating but he doesn’t want to have to continue to look at you every time with this sense of longing.

It’s now one in the morning and you have both watched two episodes of the Netflix show and you’re about to pass out. You’re warm with the blanket around you so you fall onto your side with your head landing in Tom’s lap.

‘Night, night Tommy, I’m tired.’ You mutter sleepily as your eyes start to flutter shut.

‘Do you want me to put you to bed sleepy head?’ He says as he (still out of habit) starts to run his fingers through your hair.

‘No, I’m gonna sleep right here.’ You mutter as your curl your arm around Tom’s leg, much like a teddy.

‘Okay then,’ Tom smiles. ‘Night, night.’

‘Love you.’ You mutter as you doze off into a deep sleep.

Tom sits there in silence, unable to comprehend what he heard. So, he doesn’t say anything, as he removes you hand from his thigh as he lays onto his side.

Your couch is only small so in your tired daze, when you feel Tom move away you make grabby hands in his direction for him to come back.

So, he doesn’t move to the other couch, instead he lays beside you with his back facing you. He doesn’t wrap his arm around you (as much as he wants to) because he doesn’t know what you’re going to be like in the morning, or what your reaction will be.

So, he smiles, as his mind repeats the two words you had muttered just before, as he falls asleep right by your side.

You wake up and you feel a weight over torso as you lay on your side. You look down to see an arm and you tilt your head back to see that it was Tom. He’s fast asleep and looking as soft and peaceful as ever.

Tom being a heavy sleeper, you sit up slowly and rest your back against the arm of the couch you two had passed out on. Tom stirs for a moment but doesn’t wake up as he moves and places his head on your lap and continues to sleep.

It’s all familiar, this position. Mornings like these had happened so often and you couldn’t help yourself, but you started running your fingers through his hair.

You haven’t noticed the light throbbing in your head due to the alcohol you had drank last night and thought about what had happened the night before.

With all events coming back to your head, you laughed at the memory of you two watching Netflix and your stupid reaction to the sex scene.

Then you remember passing out and that being the end of the night.

You notice Tom start to stir and you feel panic starting to form. You stop running your fingers through his hair, but you don’t have anything to, nothing to distract yourself with.

‘Don’t stop.’ You hear come from his mouth and he moves his arms and grab onto your thigh and hugged it like a teddy.

You smile as Tom moves his hand around to locate yours and then moves your hand so you can continue to run your fingers through his hair.

You didn’t want this to end. You thought you were in one of the final steps of getting over him but now you were thrust straight back into the deep end. You didn’t want things to become awkward between you again and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to handle being ‘just friends’ without having to take bathroom breaks to pull yourself back together.

You were going to treasure this until the end, the moment where everything felt right for the first time in what felt like too long.

But you also knew that you shouldn’t feel like this. Tom was over you. He didn’t like you anymore. He was over you and had found someone else.

You were now confused on why this man was lying on your couch with his head in your lap if he didn’t like you anymore.

Shouldn’t he be with the one he actually has feelings for?

Your curiosity was starting to eat away at your insides and as much as you didn’t want this end, you had to know.

‘Tom?’ You say with a sick feeling, not wanting to face the outcome of this information.

‘Yeah?’

‘Why are you here?’ You ask quietly.

Tom sits up and you almost whine as your thighs are greeted with the cold air, no longer kept warm by Tom’s body heat.

‘You called me last night, or do you not remember?’ He asks slowly, as if he’s now worried where this conversation will go.

‘No, no, I remember what happened. Watched Orange is the New Black, covered your eyes from the sex scene and fell asleep.’ You smiled, almost wishing that you hadn’t started this conversation.

‘That’s all you remember? You didn’t remember what you said?’ Tom asks, now very nervous.

‘Did I say something embarrassing?’ You joke, trying to swallow your nerves.

‘It wasn’t really embarrassing…’ Tom says, trailing off while playing with his hands.

Something he does when he’s nervous.

‘What did I say?’ You smile nervously, as your fingers start to tap your thigh, another nervous habit.

‘When you were about to fall asleep,’ Tom started as he ran his fingers through his hair.

‘You muttered ‘love you’.’

You feel your breath catch in your throat.

‘But I understand it’s just the general best friend love we have for one another. Don’t worry, I understand.’ Tom starts ranting.

‘And I know that you’re over me, I know this now. God, I texted you. I texted ‘her’, like you told me to, and she didn’t reply in the way I wanted to. You didn’t reply like I wanted you to.’ Tom says, his voice now weak.

He’s shaking and it scares you.

As it clicks in your head, you look down at your fingers that are now resting in your lap. You move them forward and hold Tom’s hands in yours.

‘Y/N, I asked you for ideas even though I know you so well. I wanted you to know and realise but you didn’t. You know I’ve never been that good with properly talking about this stuff and I didn’t want to have to see that look on your face if you didn’t like me anymore. It just hurts so much because I know that you’ve moved on, but I feel like I can’t even put one foot forward without taking two steps back.’ Tom says with tears in his eyes.

You knew that you needed to say something, before he starts to continue on with his rant and you really couldn’t stand to see him with any tears in his eyes.

‘Tom, goddamnit I know that you’re bad at it, I know you’re with communicating our emotions like this, but I wish that you would’ve just come out and said it.’ you said, looking to so Tom could also see the tears in your eyes for the first time.

‘All your stuff is in a box, packed away so I can’t touch it. I forced myself to put in away because here, when I was alone, I would only wear it. I couldn’t stand being without you. I brought too many new hoodies, so I had an excuse to not wear yours. I brought them in a larger size so I could feel like I was wearing yours even though I wasn’t. I kept that though pushed away because I didn’t want to admit it.’ You said, wanting Tom to know that it hasn’t been easy for you either.

‘And that night in the pub, when you were with her, I swear it was like my heart broke all over again. I drank shots so the burn in my throat would numb the pain that I felt in my chest. Waking up next to you that morning scared me because I didn’t want to find out that it was just a ‘drunken mistake’ for you. I left before I could find out. I don’t even know why we broke up. Tom, I still love you and I doubt I will ever stop loving you. You’re the one who knows me the best and sometimes it scares me, but I wouldn’t want anyone to know me as well as you do.’

Tom smiled and you returned it. It was as if you could feel your heart being pieced back together after it being broken for so long.

He leant forward and kissed you and you knew that your heart was back in one piece. Kissing him felt like home and with his arms wrapped around your torso, you always felt safe.

You sat on his lap, just like you did that other night, the last time you kissed, and you couldn’t get over how good it felt. You were overwhelmed with how right this felt and how at home you felt.

When you both broke away from the kiss, you both look deep breathes and smiled at each other. You could feel Tom toying with the bottom of your t-shirt, and you took a deep breath as you lifted up your shirt.

You softly kissed his cheek and lasted the dried saltiness of his tears. As you wiped his cheeks to rid any dry tears, Tom started to lie back down on the couch. You went back to kissing as your love’s arms were still wrapped around you.

You both smile into the kiss as Tom slowly started to move his hips, testing out the waters, to see how you were feeling about where this kiss may lead.

You join Tom and move your hips in time with his. Your kisses slowly start to speed up and become much needier. Your breaths come out heavier and a moan slips from your mouth and at that noise, Tom also groans.

With your smiles and your movements, you knew that this time it’s going to end well.

You both knew.

Tom runs his fingers through your hair as your rest your head on his bare chest. You traced random shapes on his chest, enjoying this moment in time. One hand was still linked with Tom’s as it was during your actions prior.

Sure, the sex was always good but that silence after was what you loved the most. It was what made you feel at home.

Nothing was needed to be said between you two.

You knew that you didn’t need Tom, you could have continued on without him, but without him, you felt as if half of you was missing.

It was no longer in your head, instead your head was on his chest.

#tom holland fanfic #tom holland imagines #marvel imagine #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #marvel #peter parker #spider-man

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