#also though the last time I went to this course the person who mentored my ensemble was like... extremely mean to specifically me

[obstinatecondolement]

Hmmm.... I want to go to a week long event in July, but I would have to know if I could get the time off work before I booked a place and a) the early bird rate ends on Monday, after which time the fees will increase steeply and b) and my manager is not in tomorrow, so I can't ask her to provisionally block it off, and then the shop is closed until Tuesday. Fuck.

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

You’re Losing Me

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Prompt - ‘Every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes. How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?’

Notes -  I won’t lie I don’t know if House still has an active fandom but I just started watching it so have this, also the way this song was leaked like four hours ago and I immediatly jumped to google docs

It seemed impossible when you had first realised how you felt, falling in love with a man twice your age, a man who was your boss no less, it had been an impossibly bad, stupid idea. You hadn’t planned on acting on it, the man was meant to be your mentor but he was so unlike anybody you had ever met before, so bluntly honest, never beating around the bush, there was something so charmingly arrogant about how that you just couldn’t help but like.

So it went on for months, months where you silently pined for him, sneaking glances at him as he watched his soaps in his office, stealing moments together as he pulled you into an empty room as he avoided clinic duty and instead quizzed you on the latest patient. You had hoped that ignoring how you felt would just make your feelings go away, make you realise this was just a silly crush and yet nothing ever changed.

Nothing changed until the man started seeking you out more, he started to look to you first for answers, it was you he found first to talk about cases or music or whatever else came to his mind. He wasn’t open but he did begin sharing little pieces of himself with you, nothing overly personal to most people but when it was Gregory House sharing those tidbits they felt big, they felt important, like it was this closed off man's way of trying to open himself up, to give something in return for all you shared with him.

You knew as you spent more time with him that it wasn’t just a silly crush anymore, it wasn’t just some admiration that had gotten out of hand, you were falling for the man and you tried not to let yourself hope that he was falling for you too. Then you’d see him talking to Wilson, the two of them sat together, Wilson looking hopeful whilst House frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together before both their gazes found you and his frown turned into a small twitch of the lips.

Neither of you acted on it for a while but the pining and the tension eventually became too much for both of you. You couldn’t exactly say who snapped first, only that the case you had been working had lasted for an exhaustingly long week and you were both pent up with far too many emotions, add the bottle of something strong from his office and it wasn’t a surprise when you found yourself pressed against the wall with House’s lips on yours.

From there on nothing had been defined for a month or two, you both spent more time together, slept together, went for meals together, yet nothing was ever defined. It had driven you crazy, not knowing if House wanted something more from you or if you were simply a way to burn off steam after work.

Eventually you had given into your need to know, waiting until you were alone, you pulled against his chest, tucked up in bed together. You hadn’t been able to get the words out, mouth opening and closing, your fingers distractedly playing with him as you tried to collect your thoughts.

House never missed anything though and if he could read other people well without ever needing to meet them then he could read you like the words of his favourite book. He had been the one to start the conversation, telling you to say whatever you needed to say and listening as you stammered out the question of what were you.

House had paused, it wasn’t like he wasn’t expecting it, of course he had been waiting for it and yet he still had to pause. He had to remember all his conversations with Wilson, the ones where he had promised to give this a real go because his feelings were real. It wasn’t easy, he had closed himself off for years, never letting himself get attached, never letting himself fall.

Of course you came along and ruined that but he had never been able to find it in himself to be mad. He was glad it was you he got to try again with, he was glad it was you who showed him that he wasn’t totally ruined.

He may not have understood why you wanted to be with a man twice your age, a man who was explosive and closed off, a man who needed drugs just to make it through a day, a man who was so far beyond damaged he couldn’t remember a time he had been whole. He didn’t understand it but he wasn’t taking it for granted.

He told you as much and you let yourself fall a bit more for him at the honesty, at the trust he had given you. From there on, you hated how cliched it sounded, but everything just seemed to have fallen into place.

You went out together and called them dates, House let himself relax, stopped analysing every word he said, stopped debating whether he was enough for you and instead let himself slowly open himself up to you. You hadn’t been hurt the way House had, sure your last relationship had broken you for a while but you were trusting House to not do the same, you didn’t have the same insecurities so whilst you fell first it took House a little longer but he fell in love with you too.

It was good for the first few years, not perfect because nothing was ever perfect. You worked together and you went home together, sometimes that was too much, sometimes a case was too much and you couldn’t leave it at the door, instead dragging it in and letting it linger but everything always resolved itself, everything was good.

You fell hard and so did he. You moved into his place even after he offered to find somewhere else but you had just smiled at him and told him his house felt like home and you’d love to move in with him.

You couldn’t say how many nights had been spent with the two of you on his sofa, his arms wrapped around you with you against his chest, holding you close as you spoke softly to one another, how many nights had been spent listening to him play the piano that sat in the corner or listening to music filling the room after a long day where no words were needed.

It was good.

So where had things started to fall apart? When had that love turned into something else, something that seemed more for show than anything else. When had you gone from sitting in bed as House read aloud, the lamp lighting the room with a soft orange glow before the two of you drifted off in each other’s arms to you staying awake long after House had fallen asleep, staring into the silence and wondering what had happened, wondering if time was running out for you.

It had started with little things, things you hadn’t even noticed until months later. He brushed you off more, not just at work but outside too, suddenly your opinion didn’t seem as important. Then it escalated to him cancelling plans which evolved into him forgetting to cancel plans, leaving you sitting alone in a crowded restaurant, having to keep the tears out of your eyes as you left realising you’d been stood up again.

It was when the sympathetic looks came that you couldn’t bear it, not from the strangers around you but from Cameron, Foreman and Chase. Each of them had warned you away from him at the start, told you House just wasn’t a relationship guy but you had ignored them and it was worth it, it had been worth it for the best years of your life.

Their sympathetic looks hurt, they could see something wasn’t right but their’s weren’t the one that cut deep. That honour belonged to Wilson. House trusted that man more than anyone and to see his fond looks turn sad and sympathetic, that’s when it hurt.

The only person who couldn’t seem to see that things were falling apart was House himself. The man who notices everything, the man who sees the smallest thing and pieces together an entire puzzle without any other parts, the man who spots and obsesses over every anomaly failed to notice how tired you were. He failed to see the way you were sick, sick of being tired, sick of feeling unwanted, sick of questioning what you had done and why you weren’t good enough and where things had gone wrong and why he didn’t love you anymore.

You were sick and he couldn’t see it or maybe he just wouldn’t admit it. He still said the words I love you even as you frowned, wondering how he could so easily say those words when he couldn’t even see you in front of him, couldn’t see how you were dying from how much everything hurt.

How did he miss the pain and anger and grief in your eyes as you glared at him in the morning, him so easily going about his day whilst he ignored you, gave you a little bit but never what he used to. He smiled and joked in front of everybody, the others whilst knowing something was wrong never knowing the extent because not even House seemed to realise what was happening.

It had been years and you had wanted so much more with him, you wanted to give him everything and yet House seemed content stuck where you were, happy to stay frozen in time. You wanted to beg him, fall to your knees and plead with him to do something, to see that he was losing you despite how badly you had always wanted him.

It felt like your heart was twisting and stuttering, sometimes beating too quickly that you were afraid it was going to push you over the edge and sometimes beating so slowly you thought you were already dead.

You wanted him to notice, you needed him to notice, to do something to fix it. He was a doctor, he was the one who always noticed everything, focusing and giving it his attention until the problem was fixed but when he looked at you he didn’t see a problem because these days he never looked for long enough.

The thing was House had always been the one to understand you, to know what you were thinking without you ever needing to vocalise it, he used to be able to take one look and understand everything about you. Now though it was like you were a stranger to him.

You didn’t want to lose him, you didn’t want to be in a world where you didn’t love him anymore but you were tired and drained and just sad. Sure you may still fall asleep in the same bed but he never pulled you into him anymore, suddenly all the songs that he played sounded infinitely sadder and you nearly laughed at how you felt like those songs, becoming sadder and sadder as each day passed.

You had given him so much, you had never complained once about the drugs, accepting that was who he was, you had never given a second thought to his leg even when he tried to use it as an excuse to keep you from loving him, you loved his personality where most people struggled to even accept it.

You had given him the best of you and now it felt like everything was too far gone to bring back to life.

“Can I talk to you?” You asked softly as you stepped into House’s office, already having spoken to Cuddy and knowing you were doing what was best for you even if you did feel like your heart had exploded in your chest.

“Little busy right now.” He told you, barely taking his eyes away from the board in front of him, sparing you half a glance and missing the way your eyes were teary and red. “Can it wait?”

You took a shaky breath, wanting him to notice, wanting him to realise everything was broken. Where the man before you had once felt like home, had felt like he had been made by the universe for you to find, tied together with an invisible string to lead you to each other, now it felt like that string had been slashed, cutting off your blood flow and oxygen and stopping your heart all together.

“No, it can’t.” You said and watched as he huffed before turning to you, leaning against the desk to look at you and still not seeing something was wrong. Your lips quivered as you forced yourself not to cry, even as you felt the sting of tears returning. “I’m leaving.”

“You’re leaving?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you, not seeming too alarmed.

“Yes, I’m leaving. I spoke to Cuddy and handed my resignation in and-”

“Wait a second, you’re leaving the hospital? Why? You love it here.” House said, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to solve the puzzle in his head.

“I’m leaving New Jersey.” You interrupted his thought process, watching as he stared at you dumbly. “I already spoke to my parents, they’re letting me move back home for a little bit until I find something else but I’m leaving.”

“I don't understand.” He told you and it hurt, it hurt how genuinely confused he sounded. He really hadn’t figured it out, he hadn’t cared enough to notice everything had gone to pieces.

“I know you don’t.” You told him because it was all you could say, you knew he didn’t understand but he should, he should love you enough to see understand.

Do something, you pleaded in your head, say something, lose something, risk something, choose something, choose me.

You needed him to choose you, needed him to swallow his pride, to lose it for just a few minutes, risk being emotional, risk something, you needed him to choose you, all you wanted was for him to want you, to need you the way you needed him.

“So that’s it?” He said and your lips thinned as you fought back a sob.

Of course he wasn’t going to fight for you, of course he wasn’t going to choose you, not when he had been pulling away for so long without even realising it. Or maybe he did know what he was doing and he had just been seeing how long it would take for you to crumble and break.

“That’s it.” You forced out, somehow managing to keep the flood of tears from falling even as you felt the last of your heart stop.

“Right, well then, if that’s everything I have somewhere to be.” House told you coldly, not giving you a chance to say anything as he grabbed his cane and walked past you and out of his office, down the hallway without so much as glancing back.

Alone in his office you let the tears fall down, a hand to your mouth as you tried to muffle your sobs, not sure you’d be able to come back from this one. It hurt too much, all you had wanted was for him to fight for you and he didn’t even want to.

How had things gone so wrong?

Doctor Gregory House Taglist - 

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Thank you so much for reading!💜

[ilkkawhat]

i'm drunk enough to think about nick again (not that it like, hurts to think about him anymore i think that heartbreak is solved) and godDAMMN they really buried a man alive on network television and then went the extra mile to make him get EATEN ALIVE AND then almost k*ll himself and WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE to watch this in an IMAX theater, being buried alive is the ultimate Horror Trope for me and it happened on the one character that takes the cake, that changed my life forever like there has been characters that have impacted my life that i think made me better as a person but nick stokes is on a whole nother fucking level and it all started with this episode where he gets kidnapped and buried and i distinctly remember what it was like watching it for the first time, knowing that he survives cause he obviously shows up in episodes after this one and i started watching csi with re-runs of season 4 on spike tv but also the live season 6 finale where nick was clearly okay and cracking jokes even at a scene about severed heads (god bless him) but one day spike tv showed this episode and i stomped into the living room after part 1 ended almost yelling at my dad like ARE YOU KIDDING ME HOW DOES HE SURVIVE THAT BUT HE'S NICK FUCKING STOKES SO OF COURSE HE DOES AND i've never been that close to the knife or bullet in my life but have had..............idealiziations myself and sometimes, just sometimes, i remember how he was at the end of his rope, he waited until the last fucking second like think of a fucking saw trap he would fucking dominate that because he's nick stokes and he doesn't give up, he doesn't believe in past lives cause he's just fucking trying to get through this one and he's been though so fucking much between the fucking babysitter and stalker and gunpoint and being buried alive? ok yeah just another day in the office for him, he fights like hell, he resists his own temptations, he has so much belief in his co-workers, his mentor aka former boss that they'll find him that he hangs on for almost 24 hours in this goddamn coffin designed to torture him, sure, he can stay alive with the provided fan (something that honestly this year, i've have instilled myself when i go to bed) but the fan's gonna die and can they find him before that fan runs out? not fucking likely but TV magic unbeknownst to him they DO cause otherwise lmao nick stokes woulda died in the season 5/15 finale and i probably would have stopped right there even though grissom was my fav at first NICK STOKES STOLE MY HEART and even in my darkest hours i'll think of him, as if a ghostly image of him shows up in the mirror, "i survived why can't you?" motherfucker this is mY BOY stronger than any character i've ever related to--obviously nick and i have had different lives and he's so much stronger and better than me in so many ways but i guess he's what i aspire to be (albeit with a bit less...ignorance but nick is def the type who like. learns his lesson, he matures out of old prejudices which i admire SO MUCH of him) and i don't think i could have had such a strong role model in my formative years cause i started watching csi in 7th grade cause a real forensic scientist came to our school and of course, mentioned how CSI was not real but it piqued my curiosity and it possibly sparked my interest in horror to a degree cause my first episode was a horrifically bloated body (4x02 to be exact, assume nothing nick) and as a 7th grader up until that point even though 9/11 had passed (i was in like. 4th/5th grade that point) i guess i didn't know how cruel people could be but nick showed and continues to show me that people have the capactity of enduring the worst horrors this world can inflict on a person and they can still come out on top, they can still be the hero, they can still save themselves as well as others and FUCK man i miss nick stokes

[rosaletarosie]

"Give me monkey hcs"

"Angst or no angst?"

"angst"

-lmksimp

Your wish is my command >:')

YOU ASKED FOR THIS! >:'(

Hope it helps your motivation though ! ^^

( I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED ANOTHER VERSION OF THIS AND I LOST OF MY PROGRESS DJSJEKSNWJS )

@lmksimp

•------------------------------------------•

Category: headcanons

Fandom: lmk

S/O Gender: gender neutral

•-----------------------------------------•

The sun and moon duo reacting to their S/O's death

Let's start with..Sun wukong !

Oh shi-

Welp..let's start this! I hope I don't cry-

Soooo...let's say that wukong has been calling you on for hours now and you haven't been picking it up

He thinks that your just busy and forgot to tell him but what he didn't realize is that you were already killed at your apartment and he didn't know about it

An hour later mk called wukong telling some kind of bad news, he rushed over to where mk was and he was at the police station

He thought mk did some kind of misunderstanding but it was far more worse..

He wore his disguise and went inside the police station, there he saw mk crying and mei comforting him

He gets closer to mk and asks what happened..this is what mk replied "monkey king I..S/O.." he mumbled, "WHAT?! WHAT HAPPEND TO THEM?!" wukong replied

Mk wiped his tears and stood up and gives his mentor a soft hug, "S/O is...gone monkey king.."

AND NOW THIS IS WHERE THE HEADCANONS BEGIN AND ALSO HIS VILLIAN ARC STARTS XJSNSJS

Once he heard about the news, he knew someone killed you because I mean who would kill the only thing HE loved? It could have been someone who he didn't have good relations with or a vengeance scheme?

The first thing that came to his mind was macaque..he thinks macaque was the one that killed you

He went to see macaque but he would never realize that macaque would actually be this..honest before, macaque explains that he was not the one who killed his lover because he knows that he would be dead by now if he did..

Once wukong came home to flower fruit mountain without a lead he goes on a RAMPAGE!

After he went on a rampage he just sat down..looking at the sky..crying...

He will never feel the same again without you..

He doesn't want to fall in love again..if it means losing someone mortal again..

He..he could have given you a immortal peach as soon as he could but he didn't...it's his fault..it's his fault..

Next up..the six eared macaque !

Wish me luck trying to survive while writing this yall

Anyways..I believe that macaque would have already known in before anyone knew you were missing and assassinated

He sends out his shadow clones to check if you were alright but..he was too late..

OH HE DEFINITELY BLAMES HIMSELF FOR NOT PROTECTING HIS LOVER AHAHHAHA

He would hide away and lock himself in a room and all he will think about is who and how someone would kill the only good thing that happened to him in his entire life

He would probably think that it was wukong but declined it because he knows that he isn't the type of person to kill his lover...right?

He then visits wukong to reassure himself and by his surprise wukong actually wants to help him

Wukong told him that he will help him since his S/O actually helped him on some tough times

But when they have no leads macaque retreats back to his base and screams and punches the walls and then have a breakdown

....he would never thought he would lose something so important to him..he tried but..I guess it wasn't enough..

Of course it wasn't enough..when was it enough anyway..?

•------------------------------------------•

Why did I have to make macaque's last part WAY TOO RELATABLE WJSKJWJSWJ

Anyway I really hope you enjoyed it <33

Also sorry if it's too short :')

[kamryn1963]

But I see him (in the back of my mind)- Trudy, Makayla (and Al) fanfic

“Grandma Trudy?” Makayla called from the living room. She had been playing with some of her barbies before one of Trudy’s many pictures caught her eyes. 

“Yeah, Mak?” Trudy responded as she entered the living room with two plates of pizza. 

Adam and Kim had decided to go on a date night and with Randall working, Trudy had volunteered to have Maklayla over for a girls night and sleepover. 

“Who’s that?” Makayla asked as she grabbed her plate of pizza with a smile not realizing the meaning of what she just asked. 

Trudy froze momentarily as she realized what picture Makayla was referring to. It was a framed photo of her Hank and Alvin taken about two years before Alvin’s death. They had gotten together one night at her place and Randall had taken that picture without them noticing. 

It was one of her favorites of the three of them and one of the last ones she got. 

“That man between you and Grandpa Hank. Who is he? I’ve seen a picture of him in mom and dad’s room too”. Makayla added between mouthfuls of pizza. 

Trudy tried to figure out the best way to describe who Alvin Olinsky had been. This was all so wrong. Alvin shouldn’t just be some random man to Makayla. That should’ve been her Grandpa Al. 

“That’s Alvin Olinsky. He was mine and Grandpa Hank’s best friend”. Trudy explained though she knew Makayla would have more questions. That kid was definitely nosey at times. Not like Trudy minded much. She was too. 

“Why haven’t I met him before?” Makayla questioned looking confused as she took another look at the man in the picture. 

“Alvin got in a little trouble with some bad man and was hurt really badly. He sadly died from his injuries five years ago”. Trudy replied carefully. She knew Makayla was unfortunately familiar with the concept of death but she still didn’t want to overwhelm the poor kid. 

“Did mom and dad also know him?” Makayla said her voice quiet now. 

“Yeah. He was a detective too and was a member of Intelligence. Alvin was actually a mentor to your mom and dad. I’m sure they have some stories about him if you ask.” Trudy told Makayla who nodded, smiled and abandoned her half eaten pizza in favor of her barbies. 

Trudy knew that was a coward move and she had known Alvin longer but Trudy didn’t realize just how hard talking about Alvin would be. 

Of course she and Hank talked about him. They visited Alvin and Lexi’s graves often and just talked about everything and sometimes just sat in silence with them. But that was different. That was different than trying to explain the person Alvin had been. 

“Do you miss him?” Makayla asked suddenly a few minutes later. 

“Every damn day kid”. 

Trudy knew it was supposed to get easier with time but it hadn’t. Every day she thought of the person her best friend, her brother had been. Everyday Trudy thought about Alvin and it didn’t get easier. Every year that went by reminded her more and more of what she was missing. 

And when Makayla was settled in the spare room later passed out from the sugar, Trudy cried. God there wasn’t anything Trudy wouldn't do to have Alvin back. To see him or talk to him one more time. 

She couldn’t even remember the last thing they said to each other. Alvin had shut everybody but Hank out in his final weeks. She didn’t remember the last time she laughed with him or had a nice conversation. 

Her brother was gone and all Trudy had was memories and regret. 

[digitalsatyr23]

Why I like Sekiro so much

Sometimes I think about how different Sekiro is compared to the From Software games made before and after it. I remember playing through it multiple times in order to get the platinum trophy and did my last run without the protective charm and the bell rung. It was an experience. Even four years later, I wish From Software made more games like it. Not necessarily in terms of gameplay, but in terms of story. (Continue reading if you like my ramblings)

Sekiro has the distinct advantage of having several story cutscenes and a playable character that isn’t just a blank slate. Wolf is fairly tame in terms of characterization (at least on the surface), but who he is and his relationship with those around him is far more interesting than your typical Souls game protagonist imo, and this is best expressed through another character (arguably the most important) in Sekiro - Isshin Ashina.

Isshin led a rebellion in order to free his people from those who had taken the land from them many years ago, and worked alongside many of the characters you meet throughout the game, including Owl, Lady Butterfly, GYOUBU MASATAKA ONIWAAAAA, and the Sculptor. When he slew General Tamura and claimed victory, he kept the general’s spear as a trophy until he later gifted it to Gyoubu (though we later see his sword saint incarnation use it in battle). He also was the one that prevented the Sculptor from becoming Shura by cutting off the Sculptor’s arm. My understanding is that when everything was said and done, Isshin just kicked it in the land of Ashina and watched over his people both directly and indirectly. Of course, the Central Forces later come a knocking to take over Ashina, which is what causes the events of the game to unfold.

By the time the game takes place, Isshin is old as hell and is succumbing to disease. Despite this, the Interior Ministry (a division of Central Forces) is still scared shitless of the guy and doesn’t find the nerve to press their final attack until they know damn certain that Isshin has breathed his last. For those who may not understand why, consider this video where you get to see what would have happened if the Interior Forces tried taking Isshin on mere hours before his death. Even though he is going to die, he continues roaming around Ashina and fighting the good fight because that’s just the kind of person he is. And while it may not be fully obvious in the beginning, he’s actually on Wolf’s side for almost the entire game, because he’s opposed to his grandson’s plan to use the rejuvenating water and Kuro’s blood, so Isshin sends Emma to help you out.

Now regarding how this connects back to Wolf... Wolf was orphaned during the events of the Ashina rebellion, and his family was very likely killed due to the conflict. Wolf was picked up by Owl and given his name, and went on to be trained by Owl and others (such as Lady Butterfly). Later, Wolf was appointed as the shinobi meant to guard the divine heir, Kuro. Kuro himself was part of the Hirata Clan, a branching house of Ashina, which is important to note considering Owl went on to secretly side with the Central Forces and attack the Hirata Estate using bandits. Owl pretended to die and charged Wolf with recovering Kuro, which led to Wolf fighting his old mentor, Lady Butterfly (who was Owl’s co-conspirator). If you played through those memories, you know the rest. Wolf defeats Lady Butterfly, but then Owl stabs Wolf in the back, leading to Kuro making the pact with Wolf, and the rest is largely a mystery because Wolf lost his memory of that night. Seemingly without purpose, Wolf lives in isolation and is considered a traitor by Ashina as they believed he was related to the attack on the Hirata estate (again, because Owl is a backstabbing piece of shit). It isn’t until a letter is given to Wolf by Emma telling him that Kuro yet lives and is in need of rescue once more that Wolf springs to life and you take control of him.

With all that out of the way, let’s consider the game’s story and the events so far. Wolf was orphaned as a result of Isshin trying to free his people from oppression, taken in by one of Isshin’s then allies Owl, trained by another of Isshin’s allies, Lady Butterfly, only for Wolf to later be betrayed by both Owl and Lady Butterfly, and then later called to action by Isshin and Emma to save one of his grandsons (Kuro) from another one of his grandsons (Genichiro), which requires you to be an absolute menace to both the Central Forces and Ashina Forces on your way to Kuro throughout the game. After you lose an arm in your first fight with Genichiro, you’re later brought to an old temple where you meet Emma and the Sculptor proper, who both aid you in your quest. Do you see how all of these characters are so nicely interconnected?

Now compare that to Dark Souls. I like Dark Souls. I have played and beaten it probably a dozen times, trying out different builds, routes, factions, and all that fun stuff. The story of Dark Souls isn’t bad per say, but consider who you are. You’re a nameless undead, one of many in the asylum by the time Oscar shows up and starts freeing the other undead. The person who went on to reach the First Flame could have been anyone. I know that’s the point, but just remember that you’re a nameless nobody that no one knows or believes in (until you meet decent people like Solaire and Andre of course) and your role in the lives of the other people you meet is largely incidental. This pattern continues through many of the souls games and even in Elden Ring where you once again play an almighty nobody who no one even knows and in some cases actively makes fun of and/or looks down on you. That’s fiiiiine I guess? And it’s not like Sekiro’s story is perfect or anything either, but it just feels like it has so much more going on with it, and even though the story is much smaller in scale, the stakes feel a lot higher. The boss fights also felt more engaging, too, because again, you have a history with almost every person you cross swords with. Every time you fight someone important, there is a damn good reason for you doing it, and not just because you walked into the wrong room at the wrong time.

I don’t know if this is considered official or not, but so much in Sekiro pointed towards this I accept it as canon. Isshin clearly sees Wolf as a part of his family. Isshin kinda has this tendency to adopt and take people under his wing because he understands how important it is to have someone there for you in trying times, and boy howdy does the land of Ashina know trying times. In many ways, Isshin is more of a foster father to Wolf than Owl ever was, and you feel this as you bump into him throughout the game, whether hanging out with him and sharing sake or finding Isshin when he’s in the middle of his “rat” extermination (when he’s the Tengu of Ashina, Isshin’s super hero persona as far as I’m concerned). You fight a ton of dudes on both sides of the conflict, largely because you were seen as a traitor by most of Ashina, and of course Genichiro wanting to stop you so he can enact his plans with Kuro, and this results in you killing a lot of people that were on Isshin’s side as you progress, but Isshin doesn’t begrudge you. Not really. He knows why you’re there and why you did what you had to since everyone is trying to put you in the dirt anyway. The only time Isshin opposes you is if you go the Shura route and kill Emma.

The Shura route always gets me when I think about it. Imagine how hurt Isshin must have felt seeing Wolf fall so far. Again, Isshin was mere hours from death by the time you fight him in that boss fight. Prior to that, you could have been chilling with him, sharing sake, and hearing him regale you with stories about the good ol’ days as Isshin tries to enjoy what little time he has left. Now he has to put you down because you’ve crossed a line you can never return from, the same way he helped his friend the Sculptor so many years ago. And the thing is, Isshin isn’t even strictly surprised. Wolf always had the potential to become Shura, and Isshin notices a glimmer of that in Wolf as he shares a couple drinks with him. Here’s the conversation you have with him when you give him monkey booze.

Wolf: I have something for you.

Isshin: Ah, Sekiro! You know me well. Why, if this isn't monkey booze! Hahh! So this is what it's like to breathe fire! Do you know what other name this sake goes by?

Wolf: I don't.

Isshin: You don't? They call it Shura's Wine. Shura's Wine. That's right! You know your stuff. Don't tell me you've been treating someone else to this. I killed one once, long ago...  Shura... Or something very much like it.

Wolf: What is Shura, exactly?

Isshin: Those who go on killing will eventually become Shura. They don't even remember why...  Simply enraptured... They kill solely for the joy it brings them. I saw it in your eyes, too. The shadow of Shura.

Wolf: .........

Isshin: Or at least, I thought I did.

Wolf: .........

Isshin: However, it appears I was mistaken. If Shura were to appear, I would have cut it down myself. (laughs)

And then of course what he says after you defeat Emma.

Isshin: Sekiro... You were a most unkind and inauspicious man... But for some reason I could not bring myself to hate you. It seems... I must cut you down before you fall to Shura.

Do you see the look in this man’s eye? He sees you as family. He trusted you. He aided you every step of the way along your journey, and now that you’ve betrayed that trust and are about to become an actual literal demon, he’s going to stop you. Despite the feelings he may have towards you, he knows that he cannot hesitate for even a moment, because hesitation is defeat.

I wouldn’t consider the Shura ending to be canon but there’s something so painful and beautiful about it. Even Kuro is in denial about what you’ve become, despite the dead bodies littering the floor around you. Sekiro has a ton of great moments like this that will stay with me for a long, long time. Even though I love From Software’s newest game, Elden Ring, the lack of moments like this sting real bad. There are so many characters you should have been able to interact with at some point before their fight, but for some reason you’re denied this. Think about Mohg, think about Malenia, or Rykard, or Hoarah Loux. It’s even possible for you to have a history with Hoarah Loux prior to the game if you choose the Hero starting class because it implies you were part of the same tribe, but this has no effect on the actual game’s story. Regardless, the lack of history and lack of connection to the various important figures in Elden Ring’s story just makes most of it ring hollow for me.

And that’s why I remember Sekiro so fondly. It stands out among From Software’s other recent titles because of its approach to its characters, story, and how interconnected everything is. I’m not asking for a Sekiro 2: Shadows Die Thrice. I’m just saying that maybe From Software should give Sekiro’s approach to story another go.

[what-gs-watching]

"It's the things we love most that destroy us."

The other night, I did the last live session for my career bootcamp, and I decided I was gonna take yesterday to myself and just chill out. 

Which led to me seeing an early movie. I honestly enjoy going to the movies by myself, sitting in a mostly empty theater and just getting lost in whatever is going on for a while. I’ve been meaning to go since this ‘hiatus’ started and there hadn’t really been anything enticing enough, but finally I gave in, and went to see

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. 

….Fuck, y’all. I came home and I felt a lot of WAYS about a LOT of things.

I read all of the original books while the movies were coming out. They were lent to me by one of my forever best friend slash favorite coworker - this dude was NOT the type of person to ever, ever read the Hunger Games but he did, and we got into the habit of swapping books and I ran through all of them. It was only fair, I’d made him read The Rum Diaries.

I love dystopian shit. I really do. I think most of us are fascinated with the idea of society breaking down. And also, how much worse it could actually be than it is now. That’s why I loved The Last of Us and Handmaid’s Tale and a million other things. It’s a curiosity. And a comfort, kind of.  Like, things are fucked, but look how much more fucked they could be, aren’t you kind of glad, now? 

So of course I was all in on a villain origin story for The Hunger Games. Who wouldn’t be? 

I’m not really sure what I was expecting. I haven’t read the book yet, I’m so behind on actual reading (has fanfic taken over my life? Yes) but holy HELL. Like, they made this movie and they put it out and they were like “people are terrible, here’s a wonderful example of that. Hope you can stomach it.”

Wherein, a young Coriolanus Snow  tries to mentor a tribute in the 10th annual Hunger Games (whose popularity is waning)  to victory so he can get some desperately needed money for his family and shit spirals incredibly out of control. 

Heartstrings are definitely pulled for Corio, I can’t deny it. He lives with his grandmother and his cousin and their family used to be powerful but his mother died in childbirth and his father was murdered during the rebellion and they show him and the cousin almost starving during that time and I get it. It’s unfortunate. But he gets into the academy and he sees his opportunity to finally get his family back to better footing, and that’s commendable.

He does some dubious shit in the beginning to help his standing - like making suggestions on how they can make the Games more popular again. Suggesting people need to get attached to the tributes, so they’ll be invested in their ultimate fates. That’s some psychological warfare. But also, it makes perfect sense. And it’s so gross. 

Then he gets attached to his tribute, Lucy Gray, and he’s determined to help her live, and of course it’s because if his tribute wins then he’ll supposedly get some prize money, but it also seems like cares about her. Along the way, his friendship with Sejanus, another academy student who is originally from district 2, and who is rightfully absolutely disgusted with the games, grows. Eventually, Corio cheats to help Lucy, even though he’s been explicitly told that cheating will come with terrible consequences. 

And so like, I’m with it so far. You gotta do some unsavory things to survive, we all do, it’s human nature. And that’s really the entire point of the movie but this motherfucker eventually takes it too far.  But he also helps Sejanus when he goes into the arena to try and protest what the fuck is going on, and so it’s like, a balancing act. 

Lucy Gray eventually wins the Hunger Games. I’m not gonna go into how fucked up all the death scenes during the Games are. Or how horrible the one girl is, leading a pack. There’s a lot of ruthlessness but also tenderness and it’s just as terrible  as all of the other Games are, with a lot less finesse. 

Anyway, after she wins, Snow is obviously punished and forced into being a peacekeeper in the districts, and he weasels his way to 12 where he knows Lucy is. And surprise! They fall in love. I am VERY curious to know how he gets away with running off with her all the time, that dude is supposed to be part of the military that shit should not be possible, but whatever. 

Turns out, Sejanus follows Crio to 12 too, and that’s sweet. Sejanus really thinks they’ve got a bond. And maybe they do. But he’s dealing with a fucking psychopath and he doesn’t know it. 

So sweet little Sejanus sees injustices in the district and he wants to help so he starts cavorting with rebels because of course he does, he’s the good guy in this fucking story, and Snow doesn’t approve but he’s also caught up in Lucy Gray and trying to figure out a way to get back to the capital, apparently.

And then it all comes to a head when he follows Sujanus to a secret rebel meeting and Snow ends up killing one of the dudes involved, and then the mayor’s daughter dies too, and tells Lucy and Sujanas no one can know about any of this obviously, and another guy takes the guns that were used and hides them.

The next day the Peacekeepers are obviously intent on finding the guns and hanging the killers. There’s some searching, and then they find one of the rebels involved. THEN we cut to two guys up in the noose, Corio standing guard like a good little keeper, and then they’re pulling SEJANUS up to the platform too and he’s crying for Snow to help him and he just watches and this poor kiddo is unceremoniously snapped at the neck. 

Afterward, Snow makes a plan to run away with Lucy Gray and so they go. Like, he must love her if he’s going to try and escape Panem with her forever? Like, he must be abandoning his family and going for it? He’s abandoning his chance to be sent to 2 for officer training as well, his way back into property society. So he must mean it? 

But when they stop at a cabin to get out of the rain, he discovers the guns they’d used in the murders. And he realizes he can get rid of them for good, and maybe he doesn’t have to escape after all. And Lucy can see the gears working in his mind and she knows he’s already lied to her because he let it slip that he’s killed 3 people and she was like ‘who was the 3rd?’ and I’m thinking the same thing too. And he lies about it. 

So she lies too, says she’s going out to forage some food and when he goes after her, he finds the scarf he gave her on the ground and when he picks it up, a snake she’d planted there bites him. And he loses his shit. He’s carrying the gun he used to kill that rebel and he’s screaming and when he catches a glimpse of her, he shoots. He wants to kill her, she’s a loose end now, just like that. 

Maybe she got away. We never really know. But honestly, in my mind, he got a good bite out of her and she eventually dies. Because it would make sense this asshole ruthlessly kills the one person he worked so hard to help survive, the one person who loved him, just out of self preservation. 

Afterwards, he goes back to 12 and finds out he’s being sent back to the capital. And we need to give ALL the kudos to Viola Davis for her portrayal of Gaul, who was the head gamemaster, and was absolutely out of her everloving mind. She’d been pushing Snow behind the scenes throughout, likely because one fucked up person can recognize another fucked up person with potential. 

So he meets with her, and we find out that he’d slipped information to her about Sejanus’s activities, and that’s why he was strung up. She wants him to attend university and become her protege. And he’s all about it. Sejanus’s family is going to pay his way because he was such a good friend and tried to do right by their kid (jesus christ y’all) and tada! Just like that, his family is restored to the status they expect and they have nice things now and everything is tickety-boo. 

At the end, he meets with Highbottom, the academy’s dean, who has been absolutely not a fan of Snow throughout his exploits. He’d been determined to keep the kid down, and at first you’re like ‘yo what’s your deal?’ but we come to find out that Highbottom had inadvertently invented the Hunger Games as a thought experiment, sharing it with his best friend, Snow’s father. Who took it, and had it implemented. And Highbottom’s been trying to stop it ever since. No wonder he wanted to get rid of Snow. 

Joke’s on him though, he’s hooked up morphling and after Snow leaves, he takes one of the viles that Snow had dumped on his desk, part of Sejanus’s personal effects, and immediately dies. Everyone that could of stopped him, everyone that could have been even vaguely a threat, gone.

And all of this, for what? Power and money? Security, I guess in some twisted way? Because he felt threatened? Did what happened to him turn him into this, or did what happened to him just show him he’s always been this way? 

I wanted a villain origin story and I got it. And I kind of hated it. Because they had me in the first half. Because maybe we all have the propensity to become something so horrific if we’re thrust into just the exactly right set of circumstances. I mean, maybe we don’t, but we could, and I don’t think anyone ever really wants to find out. 

Don’t make me look too close at humanity. That way lies madness. 

The point is: I probably did not need to feel all of that right now. But it was good in a way that makes you angry. And sometimes, life’s just like that. Sometimes snow lands on top. 

Fucking dystopian futures...

[teecupangel]

So this is absolutely because @twitcherpated suggested the AC x Fruit Basket AU could have Western Zodiac Signs instead of Chinese Zodiac Signs as a reference to both AC Odyssey and the main Isus of Desmond’s Saga and my high school self just burst through the door and went: LET’S TALK ABOUT DESMOND’S AND HIS ANCESTORS’ ZODIAC SIGNS!

Because there’s actually something… interesting and kinda funny about them.

First of all, here are their Zodiac Signs:

Altaïr: January 11 (Capricorn - Cardinal - Earth)

Ezio: June 24 (Cancer - Cardinal - Water)

Ratonhnhaké:ton: Apr 4 (Aries - Cardinal - Fire)

Desmond: March 13 (Pisces - Mutable - Water)

(By the way, Cancer (Summer N - Winter S) and Capricorn (Winter S - Summer N) are opposites because of their season signs) which I find funny)

If you notice, Desmond’s main three ancestors’ Zodiac Signs all have cardinal modality. There are three times of modalities: Cardinal, Fixed and Mutable. We’ll be focusing on Cardinal and Mutable on this post:

Cardinal signs can be interpreted as the ones who push for change or initiate change.

Mutables signs can be interpreted as the ones more flexible and adaptable to whatever comes their way.

Which does sound like they could be about Desmond and his ancestors.

Cardinal:

Altaïr was known as the father of the modern Brotherhood and brought many changes to the Assassins as a whole.

Ezio brought change to the entirety of Rome (and even Italy to some extent) during Borgia rule.

Ratonhnhaké:ton helped shaped the events of the American Revolution.

Mutable: Desmond’s story had always been about him adapting to his circumstances. When he left the Farm, he adapted to a world he was unfamiliar with and, after being kidnapped by Abstergo and getting ‘rescued’ by the Assassins, the last few months of his life had been him adapting to what was happening in the real world and adapting to the Bleeding Effect he got from using the Animus.

It is funny how Desmond's main ancestors are all cardinal signs while his secondary ancestors (Haytham who he only saw a few memories of and Edward who he only started to have Bleeding Effects of during AC3 according to Valhalla) are both mutable signs with Edward being a Pisces like Desmond while Haytham is a Sagittarius (Mutable - Fire)

And then we have their elements:

Altaïr is Earth (practical, cautious, material world) which shows in the way he fights and how he handled the Apple. Instead of relying on superstition and the belief of men for things they cannot explain, Altaïr focuses on finding an explanation for this material world we live in but he was cautious enough to not fall into the Apple’s temptation until… well… near the end.

Ezio and Desmond are Water (emotion, empathy, sensitivity) which makes sense as Ezio is ruled by his emotions (especially in AC2) and that’s not a bad thing as his sensitivity and empathy are what made him a good mentor while Desmond’s empathy lies in his connection with his ancestors and his sensitivity with the Animus and the Bleeding Effect.

Ratonhnhaké:ton is Fire (assertion, drive, willpower) which fits Ratonhnhaké:ton a lot as, no matter what he did, his main drive had always been to protect and avenge his village. No matter what was thrown his way (even if it was a cannonball), he never faltered.

Of course, zodiac signs should never be taken as a way to summarize a person but I just thought it was funny how their Western Zodiac Signs were able to fit their personality and also how all three ancestors are cardinal signs and of different elements with Desmond having the same element as the ancestor he spent the longest time with in the Animus.

Let’s be clear though, the ambiguity of the characteristics of Zodiac Signs makes it easy to interpret it however we want, for example: Altaïr and Ezio could easily fit the Fire characteristic as well considering they were also driven. Desmond himself could be explained as a cardinal as his story is what kicks the modern day AC story.

In other words: Zodiac Signs are fun but don’t take them too seriously… Like me… who wrote 650+ words for this one.

(I had to doublecheck with Wikipedia on this one because it’s been a long time since I read up on this XD)

[krysta-cross]

Don’t Rain on my parade 3

Yes, there is now part 3 of this trip fanfic turned whack because my brain works like that 🤣

Still can’t believe so many liked this fic 🥹

I hear Rain talk in his MK11 voice most times hehe (Dempsey did a great job voicing him)

And of course this is another nsfw smut filth so you are warned ^^ minors please go whooosh~

Special tag because liquid husband @mortal-kombat-shitposts 💜

🫧Links to the first parts ⤵️

☂️Part 1

☔️Part 2

Days went by so fast after your first day of being a full-time student on Outworld Academy of Sorcery and also your first night with your moody water mage, the night he owned you is still fresh in your memories and you blush whenever you were reminded of what transpired but this all felt like it happened years ago because you don’t have much time to daydream about it as your personal spell mentor remained true to his words that he will put you into hellish training to improve your magical talents. Every day you spend to train exclusively with Rain are both a blessing and a curse, blessing as you spend more time each day with him, mentoring you and it’s a free pass to check him out, you can always look at his handsome features and hear his sexy voice even though he is yelling every time you make small mistakes still sends you sparks, his presence is subtly messing with your focus but thankfully he sees it as you’re still a newbie that needs to learn how to focus and channel your mana some more, not knowing that he is the main cause of your mistakes on the spells and chants. It is also a curse as he is nothing like that sweet and caring guy in bed, he is like a spawn of hell sent to make you suffer, he will have you repeat the same thing until you get it done right in his own personal standards of being a head mage. He drains your mana faster than a hungry vampire sucking blood as he is a perfectionist and wants the spells casted as clean and furnished as possible which is not easy for a mere neophyte like you. You want to tell him to cut you a little slack but you always hold back as you don’t want to make him think you’re complaining and anger him more than about your mistakes. Also he is a busy man that after training he immediately leaves to attend to his other commitments, he is the head mage after all.

The sky turns into a mixture of red and orange, signifying that daytime is almost over, night will take over in a few. For you it’s also a sign that the training is up and you can finally rest. You dropped the spell book down as you watch the sun slowly set and recalled that today is the 14th day of your training, “The days flew by so fast, I barely felt it…” you muttered to yourself while catching your breath after you have just finished the practice magic activities he asked you to perform for the day. “Ahh.. it’s finally done! My poor shoulders, my knees cannot even last to support my own body weight now…” you groan as you slumped down and lean your weary back on a nearby tree, your mana is so depleted due to the repeated spell casting you felt the body pains creep up swiftly, making you feel like you have turned into a mashed potato.

As you wipe the drops of sweat on your forehead, you felt something cold pressed on your cheek which caused you to jolt, you heard a laughter and your eyes caught the culprit who is now sitting beside you.

“By the magical gods, he is so pretty especially when he laughs, his voice is so sexy! I thought the test is over but what the heck is this?” you asked at the back of your mind, you now have a love-hate battle in your head for this man.

“I always find it cute when you are surprised, Y/N.” he teased while keenly staring at you who is pouting in annoyance, trying to hide your thoughts. He offers the bottle of cold water and you took it, gulping down the contents until the last drop for your much needed hydration.

Rain intently watched you down the water like a parched camel on a desert which made you anxious and snark a comment for his previous taunt “Really? You dare to make fun of me after what you have put me through these past few days? That’s so sweet of you, master Rain.”

He let out a chuckle, shifted his position and now you find yourself caged inside his strong arms on each side, with your back against the tree trunk. You can feel your heartbeat going fast as he leans close, his warm breath grazing your ear, whispering “Will a kiss or more make amends, my little vixen?”

You feel your cheek heat up upon hearing him, it make you feel like a melting butter on a hot pan. Your body is too tired to even retaliate, makes you wonder why you are always caught up with him during your most weak, vulnerable state.

You are just about to make a remark but he didn’t wait for what you’re about to say, he immediately had his lips on yours, teasing you by softly biting your lower lip as he goes. It sent a heat wave in your tensed up body but you still managed to reciprocate him, it’s clear what he wants and you get the message because your body aches not only in pain now, but in anticipation of what you both want to do.

The water mage breaks off the kiss, he pressed his forehead to yours and placed his hands on each of your shoulders “I feel like I already made amends with you, didn’t know you easily forgive..” he said and smirked.

“Oh, you must’ve interpreted that incorrectly. Should I make a list of why I hate you these past few days?” you blurt out to save your ego.

“You hate me?” he asked in a confused tone, his forehead is now slightly backing away from yours to stare at you in disbelief.

“Ask someone to do all the activities you made me do, critic them like it’s the end of the world while yelling and drain their mana by redundantly making them do everything over until you feel like it’s okay then tell me if they would love that!” you said, all of your pent up complains came gushing out like a busted water pipe but in reality you just want to lift off the weight of these inside you.

Rain didn’t say a word after your statement, there’s a long, dead silence between the two of you now that even forest animals seem to feel the tension building up. You thought that you upset him so you looked down on your now clenched fists placed on top of your thighs, the silence makes you feel guilty about what you told him and regrets it a little.

“Am I too harsh on her?” Rain’s thoughts ran after hearing your remarks, he looks at you and noticed that you have bruises and scratches around, he is aware of this as he knew that some of the activities makes you prone to wounds and the likes but he makes sure that nothing will be fatal.

Since you are looking down, you missed to see his sad and worried expression, which is never visible to anyone on the academy but you. The man kneeled down in front of you, held your face so you meet his gaze and once you did, he calmly spoke to you “I won’t deny that I am strict on what activities I made you do because I thoroughly drafted it all for you to nurture your magic. I have chosen you as my apprentice because I believe in you and your talents, I understand that I might have been harsh or unforgiving but I just want to braise you for the world. Remember when I said that the world won’t go easy on you just because you’re new and inexperienced? This is what I want you to learn, sorry if it is so hard for you but trust me it is for the better.”

The sincerity in his eyes as he explained moved you and at the same time made you feel much worse than before because you complained about his training when he already told you everything beforehand. He is right and since it’s your dream to be one of the best mages you shouldn’t complain and just do as you were told. You inadvertently avoided his gaze by looking down again. “Y/N, I know you feel bad but I want to let you know that I don’t hate you or is mad at you for telling me your thoughts, if not I appreciate the honesty.” he said and pecked on your lips.

“I think it’s me who needs to make amends..” you murmured, wrapping your arms around his neck and went for a kiss. He answered your advances by playing with your tongue, his hands started to run around your body while yours remained steadily wrapped and resting on his shoulders. He hugged you close, not breaking the deep, passionate kiss. His body felt so hot against yours but you love the feeling it sends you. The mage have his hands under your top, slowly rubbing your back. The warmth of his palms is driving your senses wild, you can feel yourself getting wet down there. The excitement welling up inside you manifests on your body and you can’t deny it.

“R-rain… haaaahhh…” you moaned as he trails his kisses on your neck, he knows how to tease you more by going a bit slow and savoring your reactions by doing so.

You gasp as he suck on your collar bone while his hands are now playing with your hard nipples, your naughty hands acted like they have a mind of their own by touching his bulging erection and running them up and down to pleasure him and you know it’s working because he makes audible pleasure moans in between his kisses, painting a smile on your face knowing that you are doing a good job.

Rain stopped and looked at you, which made you halt what you’re doing to stare back at him. “I can’t hold back anymore, let’s continue this somewhere more comfortable, Y/N.” he said and even before you can react he already had you in a bridal carry and opened a water portal leading to his bedroom. He placed you down gently on the bed and resume trailing kisses on you, his hands are always so fast on undoing your covers until he took them all off. He spared no time on playing with your breast using his mouth and fingers after he successfully unclothed you. You are so into it that you can only let out your moans as he suck on your right mound, his left hand is playing on the other in a strumming movement. His right hand is rubbing your already wet cunt and you feel his fingers going in and out of your entrance, feeling your warmth and sleekness down there.

While he is drowning you with pleasure, you wish to give back so you work on removing his clothes but due to its complex design, you are unsure how to do it. You hear a little ripping sound and he caught on that. “Easy there little vixen, no need to rip my clothes off~” he jests as he began undoing his clothes in front of you and unsurprisingly, like the first time you saw him do this, your brain stopped functioning while staring at him in his nakedness. Your eyes scanned his shoulders which you held on to awhile ago, down to his perfectly shaped chests and pecs, your gaze traveled down to his toned abs and when your eyes reached his fully erect cock, you swallowed your own saliva and it felt like a lump going down your throat because your body reacted immediately on what your vision sees.

“Y/N, my eyes are up here.” he said and walked back to the bed then crawls above you until his body is now covering yours. He is teasing you like always, you retaliate by saying “My eyes are up here too, Rain.” because you noticed him staring at your breasts. He let out a sexy laugh and conquered your lips once again in a heated passion. The heat of the moment engulfs both of you as you continue to romance each other in ways you know, after minutes of foreplay he finally decided to go in, his entry is smooth like your pussy knew his shape and size and adjusted to accommodate him. He began to move in and out of your wet cave while kissing you and his hands continue to touch your bare chest. “Go in deeper, uhnnnghh..” you requested in his ear and you can feel the intensity of his thrusts increased, touching the sweet spot inside making your senses go wild with pleasure, your hands clawing on his bare back as he goes, leaving trails but he doesn’t seem to mind as he is also drowning with pleasure.

“Y/N… I- I’m close…aahhh….” he murmured in a husky voice and his thrusts gained speed, signaling that he will climax any minute now and you responded by wrapping your legs around him, giving him a sign that he can pour his love inside you anytime. After a few deep thrusts he finally came, a flowing gush of his semen coated your walls, the warmth of it burned inside you that made you arch your back and scream in pleasure.

He pulled out and you can feel his warm love flow out from you. While you were still catching your breath, you can feel him sit down on the bedside, his back is facing you and you notice the reddish claw marks you made which stands out even his skin is tan. You reached on them and trailed it using your fingers, he turned to look at you and smiled. “You have a habit of giving me these marks, are you perhaps half human, half cat?” he teased and leaned to kiss you. “Who knows? Maybe I’m half cat but the real question is will you still love me if I’m one?” you answered and smiled at him. “You can be half of anything I will still love you the same, Y/N.” he said and laid down beside you. You let out a hearty laugh after hearing that and kissed him, who knew that this man can be this sweet and you are just so thankful he shows this side only to you.

[dc-sideblog]

I'm starting WIP Saturdays because that's more manageable for me than WIP Wednesdays. Send an ask and I'll post a snippet

Cryptid Bats

“Stop,” Wonder Woman said. She unhooked her lasso from the clip at her waist. Set it on the conference table. “There is a simple enough answer to this.” “I wouldn’t lie to you.” “Bruce.” Diana took his hands in her own. “I am concerned that you are lying to yourself. You are a rational man. I think you know, perhaps just subconsciously, what is really the truth.” Bruce stared at her. Diana didn’t blink. He unlatched his gauntlet. “This will prove only that I know my own mind.” He wound the rope around his fist. “I am… not human. Anymore.” Oliver wasn’t the only one who swore, then.

Cass and Jason are Twins

“You look just like my brother,” what a fucking prick. No Jason the fuck did not. It’s been four years since Dick last saw him, and during that time, Jason went through puberty, injected a shitton of testosterone into his veins, got dunked in a Lazarus Pit, and started killing people. He grew over a foot taller, put on more than a hundred pounds of mostly muscle, and has war in his eyes now. Even his hair and eyes are different. Dick deserved for Jason to have said worse, honestly. At least he had the good sense not to say that Cass looked just like his dead little brother, true though it may be. “So how do you two know each other, anyway?” Jason asked, just to force Dick to come up with a cover story on the spot. Fuck that guy.

Deaged Batkids

“Wait, no,” Dick said. “We can continue the meeting. I don’t want to delay anything important.” “Robin, that’s kind of you, but this is serious,” Vixen said. “I can handle peace negotiations! I’ve been a vigilante for four years.” “Your people employ child soldiers?” another well-dressed alien asked. “No! No, of course not. Robin here is a… child hero,” the Flash said. “it’s different.” “Very different,” a man with a scruff and scaled armor said. He looked… a bit like Garth. But Garth was twelve. Not… twenty-five? He was also, um. Pretty. Handsome? Garth grew up well and Dick thought his face might be hot.

Blood Drinking Dead on Main

Her interview was conducted with Superman, Batman, and an HR rep.

“So, Dr. Fenton, Arsenal tells me you have experience with ethics in heroism?” Ms. Hofbauer asked dubiously. “Yes, that’s correct. I provided psychological support and mentoring to the young heroes of Amity Park for two years.” “Which young heroes?” Ms. Hofbauer asked. “Phantom and Red Huntress.” She nodded. “How exactly did you support them?” “I offered counseling and advice on problem solving and stress management. I was a sounding board for the issues that came up in their heroic and personal lives. I also subbed in as a supportive fighter on occasion.” “How do you know Phantom?” Batman asked. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid that’s confidential. I will be respecting Phantom and Red Huntress’s privacy as much as possible here. I’m sure you understand; having a secret identity yourself.”

[the-crow-binary]

YOUR LAST PIECE GAVE ME FEELINGS SO

I am, for reasons I don't know if I can explain, a sucker for the idea of Isaac being a mentor to someone. It's my firm belief that neither Isaac (in an AU where he survives or he's brought back lol) nor Hector should pursue a romantic relationship after the events of CoD, they're not in the right mental place for that - and also, Isaac just... doesn't do well with romance sdjhfkhsjk he has. Issues. Plenty of them.

But also I would very much like him to get some bit of affection, a chance to redeem himself and do something good for a chance, and I keep thinking of him tutoring someone who admires him as a person, and not as a tool. So BB having an idol crush on Isaac and Isaac getting attached to this young boy who Is Just Like Him fr fr warms my heart ;A;

(also it's about time someone gushed about Isaac's pretty red hair in the same way everyone falls over Hector <.<)

And I don't know, but I think Isaac would like mentoring someone in general? Talking in his own dramatic way, explaining the intricacies of the dark arts that he loves so much, having someone hanging from his lips, being to his student what Dracula was to him? He seems like the type lol. He'd be a tough, cynical teacher, the one who believes in "the world is a cruel place, so you must be tougher than the world", but he'd care in his own way. He probably wanted to be a mentor to Hector, but we know how that went :P

So yeah. Love this AU. Isaac gets some affection (and probably heals from his broken heart a little) and BB gets to feel like he's less of a mistake of nature :>

HEHEHE ALL ACCORDING TO THE KEIKAKU.

But fr the idea of Isaac being a mentor to someone... aaaa <3 Love it. Though it breaks my heart to think about him wanting to tutor Hector, only to discover he didn't need him and was even more powerful than he. :( To the point of taking his place in Dracula's heart. :( He had ONE DREAM !!

The only things he got to be a "mentor" to are his Innocent Devils... but it's different. Because those creatures are MADE to be loyal to him. To love him... But what he wants is someone who wasn't made for him. Someone who's totally free to choose. Choose who they care about, choose who they admire, choose who they want to learn from. And who would choose him, willfully.

And who's more perfect for that than our baby boy BB <3 A boy from almost three hundreds years in Isaac's future. Wanting him so badly he went to the point of RESURRECTING HIM to get his help <3 How can you show your dedication in a more powerful way ?? You can't. BB is just that motivated. i understand better the people trying to resurrect Dracula all the time And of course, his dedication doesn't stop at just resurrecting Isaac and following his steps. He didn't bring him back just to have someone to teach him about Dracula and Devil Forging. He also brought him back because he felt like he needed him. He needed someone who would understand him, someone who would stay by his side no matter what. Someone he could feel at ease with. A friend, maybe. But he was fine with a master, too. As long as he could feel useful to that person, enough to want to keep him by their side. As long as he could care for someone. Isaac felt like the perfect match, judging by what the demons told him about him.

And he was right, wasn't he <3 (yeah i can see Isaac being to Benedict what Dracula was to Isaac <3 maybe, in a scenario where they both resurrect Dracula... he would still be more loyal and attached to Isaac than their Lord ? And oh boy... i'm not sure how Isaac would feel about that. Would he be satisfied, since being loyal to him means he's loyal to Drac anyway, or will he go "no, now that our Lord is back, it's Him you need to serve and follow. Not me." THE THOUGHT IS BREAKING MY HEART- NOOOOO)

Also, Isaac being all dramatic and theatrical when teaching <3 Doing exagerating gestures <3 Being all extra and fun <3 Yes yes yes !! <3 "he'd care in his own way" Oh my heart <3 (tbf, his "own way" is probably better than anything BB had to go through with his own family lmao. At least Isaac DOES care.)

[ledenews]

Rachael Haney: It’s Her Plan and She’s Sticking to It

What she was is exactly what she wanted to be. The local news lady. Sure, Rachael Dierkes was another talented female reporter with WTRF-TV 7, and yes, veteran news director Brenda Danehart has mentored a great number of anchors straight out of town and to a larger media market, but Rachael wasn’t interested with all that larger market/moving away part. Nope, she was happy with being that local news lady like Danehart was for decades before moving up the industry’s ladder. She wanted to be the Shadyside native who tells us about the first new baby every New Year’s Day, to report the names of each local high school’s summa cum lauds each May, and to offer us the next-best “Taste with Rach” every Thursday evening. Rachael wanted to be the local news lady who tells us the good news along with the bad during the ultra-important 6-and-11 p.m. broadcasts, but … you see … Rachael wanted an Eric and an Aubrey even more. And, of course, her husband and her little girl win that battle every single day. For now, perhaps? Rachael and her husband are avid skiers, so Aubrey is learning how to navigate the slopes, too. What is the one thing you miss most about being on the TV news? I had to answer this question last. It’s like opening Pandora’s Box for me because I miss almost everything. But my immediate response is always “Taste With Rach.” This will always be what I’m most proud of during my time on local news. It started as an opportunity to showcase locally owned restaurants and it grew into something so much bigger. I had no idea the stories I would hear. The incredible people I would meet and still stay in touch with to this day. I laughed and cried over many plates of hand cut French fries, grandma’s pie recipes, sandwiches named after kids and tables built by hand. I’ve been able to sit back and watch some of these places flourish and grow, move to new buildings, expand menus, and open new locations. I feel so honored to have had the opportunity to tell their stories. I always said even if a feature only brought in one new customer, I’d feel like I made a difference. What is your daughter’s favorite TV show now and what was your favorite when you were her age? There is a tie for a favorite TV show. It’s between Bluey and anything Mickey Mouse-related (You’d be shocked how many variations there are). While I’m sure many people are familiar with Mickey — let me turn you onto Bluey if you’ve never watched. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m fully immersed into this life, but I could write a thesis statement on how incredible this show is. Each episode is only 7-8 minutes long, so it gets right to the point, but it’s essentially about a dog family that lives in Australia. The main character being the older daughter “Bluey.” It’s hilarious and creative, the situations are incredibly relatable for any parent of young kids. We’ve learned so much about creative play and parenting from watching. And yes, it’s a cartoon. I had to ask my mom about my favorite TV shows as a four-year-old. She said I loved Reading Rainbow (Maybe a pre-cursor to my future career reading on TV?). She reports I used to love to sing the theme song. My all-time favorite movie was The Little Mermaid, though, and when we went to Disney this year, I actually teared up riding the Little Mermaid ride and meeting “Ariel.” The Haney family has had a lot of fun with the holidays. What have you had the most fun doing as a mother? I have loved every second of watching Aubrey grow into her own little person. Developing interests and personality, making friends, finding things she enjoys doing, and figuring out what she does not like doing. Plus, realizing the moment a new skill “clicks” for her, and seeing wonder in her eyes when we experience something new. Being a parent is tough. There’s the obvious factor of being responsible for raising a child. It’s the most adult thing I’ve ever done. But I’ve also got to be a kid again in so many ways. I’ve enjoyed learning how to slow down in certain situations and just enjoy the moment. I get to sit down and play Barbies. I get to be silly. There are so many things I’ve learned to love again seeing it through a child’s eyes. Who does most of the cooking at home? I do most of the cooking. I always joke I never realized how mentally taxing meal planning was (I definitely took that for granted as a kid), but we spent a lot of our relationship before Aubrey rarely getting a chance to sit down and have dinner together. Because of my schedule, I went to bed many nights before Eric was even home from work. Something I’ve cherished about my stay-at-home mom life is making it a priority to sit down at the table and have dinner as a family as often as possible. Like many things in my life, I used to make dinner so complicated and think it was too hard to accomplish. But once I started just going with the flow, I realized I actually enjoy cooking. She enjoyed her "Taste with Rach" food segments the most during her TV career. How often do you watch the local news on WTRF-TV 7? This is tough for me because I wish the answer was more than I actually do get to watch. The short answer is “I’m busy” and rarely even realize what time it is to turn on the TV. I’m partial to morning news, so I always try to catch the last 10 minutes of 7News This Morning. We also try to catch the A-block of the evening shows. When I’m looking to learn more about a specific story or situation, I will do better to tune in at watch. I think local news is something people take for granted. I knew when I was there and I know it even more now. Even though I don’t have the time to tune in like I’d like, I know it’s going to be there when I need it. Read the full article

[theawakenedstate]

Hello there, beautiful!

Let me start by saying that when you do the Inner work – That Internal glow up is REAL (see side photo for reference – that’s me from 2015 to Last nov)

What they often don’t tell you about energy & mindset work is weird shit happens:

Like sudden weight loss out of nowhere

You look younger

You decide to eat & drink better because your body doesn’t simply like it anymore

You clean up your boundaries

you take care of yourself better

you stop your co-dependent habits of smoking or drinking

You suddenly raise your standards the old crap doesn’t cut it anymore

people fall away that don’t serve you anymore.

And that’s just the start really,

Yesterday a random stranger said I looked 19! She asked me if the boy I was with was my son, in shock she went ‘but how old are you really?!’

I smiled sweetly, “i’m almost 34”

“you couldn’t look at day over 19 in my eyes…”

(happy early birthday to mee)

I wasn’t ALWAYS this glowy & optimistic though – For real though,

Let me bring you back to the late summer of 2015, I just had my daughter, Leandra I was battling hunger pains and sleep deprivation as I had a toddler at my feet and a Baby attached to my breast. Everyone was getting fed except me, I was always starving…

Living on hotpockets and whatever I could find was easy to cook, I decided for some reason to work for my friend for extra money(maybe for sanity reasons)

My side-hustle was doing her graphic design promotion on s.m., website management, and admin work. I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. And she was drastically underpaying me because I was good at what i was doing…

Meanwhile, I was struck with so many brilliant ideas I wanted to start with my own website, which at this time was kinda just in limbo – I wanted to build out a digital e-course. I wanted to transition my little tumblr blog with free mentoring i was doing on the side to a new space fully. And I NEVER HAD TIME TO DO IT – I NEVER HAD A MOMENT TO FOCUS ON MYSELF

And I felt like a selfish bitch because all I wanted to do was breathe life into my real work and have a break without anyone. LOL

I was always putting myself last, my own desires, my own dreams and on top of it I was getting underpaid, writing crystal bracelet descriptions & creating graphics for someone else when ALL i wanted to do was Write on my own blog, create my own work, Finally get the guts to hit record on my camera to film a video.

Instead – I was a procrastinating, anxious, exhausted, emotionally broken down and quite frankly Angry person who usually just beat herself up. Going through the motions of life – catering to everyone else – until one day – I kinda snapped.

my friend told me the work I was doing wasn’t good enough and I had to go back and edit it again, after the 3rd rewrite – and i kinda just lost my shit because I was so DONE.

Fuck. this. shit.

I had a realization that if i don’t put my foot down somewhere, i’m going to continuously keep doing things for other people first and keep putting my desires and dreams on the shelf.

It felt like I just continuously kept waiting until I could have a moment to start.

There was always so many excuses as to why I couldn’t just do things like have a break, work on my website, spend time napping for effing sake – it was a mess. I was a mess.

And I realized very quickly in that moment – if I don’t start smashing some plates and let them fall – I was going to fall.

Shortly after –

I told my friend I quit and she really wasn’t happy with me…(and we’re no longer really friends 😥)

but my low boundaries, lack of pay for a graphic designer VA and my story arc of putting everyone before me – it was tearing me apart.

(I also did my own Fivver research to see how much VA were actually getting paid…it was barely half that. 😳)

So I started doing my Inner Work, I got into what I know about the chakras, Gave my sacral chakra lots of love for the emotional upheaval,

I set some goals for myself, I think i made a vision board around that time too, and most importantly,

I STARTED FOCUSING ON WHAT I WANT.

I started saying an affirmation to myself to help anchor me – this affirmation changed the way I show up in Life, for my family and for my business.

I said, ” I now choose to put myself first for the highest good of all involved. I am grateful and happy to put myself first for the highest good of everyone in my life.”

And I started to ask myself: What would I do differently if I truly embodied this affirmation as my truth?

The words were clear. “Make time for yourself. Even if its 15 mins. Even if it’s a 5 min bathroom sanity BY YOURSELF, break”

I had a 360 Shift.

I started meditating more daily, i gave myself a mindset challenge from the library, I started investing in myself, scheduling weekly baths & nails and I got really assertive about communicating my needs to my partner which honestly was the real issue here.

He was super supportive and helpful but i was NOT ASKING FOR SUPPORT. So he had no idea. I was NOT communicating my needs and what I wanted.

And I definitely wasn’t honoring what mattered to me.

That period while as exhausting as it was, taught me a ton about: manifestation, raising my standards, honoring my boundaries, asking for what i wanted, & most of all it taught me about the Priorities and values I was setting.

Which is something I still honor and talk about today.

In Awaken your Aligned vision workshop we go deep into the Process of Priorities and Values so you can personally uncover yours.

In this week’s youtube video, I’m featuring a small clip from inside of the workshop so you can see first hand the start of the exercise of going into your Values.

I honestly feel understanding your priorities and values is a secret sauce to manifestation that is NOT talked about enough –

Here’s what I mean, 👇

Enjoy the Video!

Let me know what you feel about values,

Do you take the time to honor your values? Do you even know what your values are? Some people are even scared to look at them!

Drop your thoughts in the comment.

P.S. Only Less than 48 hours Left for the Visioning Workshop and then its back in the vault!

Awaken Your Aligned vision workshop is officially open.

This is my rare out of the vault special New Year Workshop.

February is the best time to claim your goals and intentions for the year.

this is the part of the month, where if we’re not careful we lose our momentum and stop the progress we made in January.

this is the moment to set yourself, your mindset and your habits up for success with my Unique Energetic Manifestation Visioning Workshop. Inside the workshop you will learn a beautiful System that helps Mentally & Emotionall support you going after your dreams! If you’re looking for a unique Vision board – this Proven System is hands down an incredible way to start setting new goals for your New Year!

Get yourself signed up today so you can start making waves. Full Details & Sign up information below: theawakenedstate.net/awaken-your-aligned-vision-workshop/

https://www.theawakenedstate.net/are-you-honoring-your-values-an-exercise-to-help/

Are You Honoring Your Values? An Exercise to Help

Hello there, beautiful! Let me start by saying that when you do the Inner work – That Internal glow up is REAL (see side photo for reference – that’s me from 2015 to Last nov) What they often don’t tell you about energy & mindset work is weird shit happens: And that’s just the start […]

[god-whispers]

jan 20

what may i do for Your glory

“take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it.” col 4:17

the other day i received a brief, but lovely note from a reader - one who i have never met.  it simply said, "thank you for your ministry linda.  amen"

it's so strange but for some reason i had never thought of my writings as being a ministry.  the words kind of hit me like a brick.  when i first helped my good friend, paula rayburn, set up her ministry with tax exemption, website and all, i had everyone write a brief bio of themselves.  i can still remember mine.  in short, it said something like, "i always considered myself just a passenger on the bus and not the bus driver.  my friend just kept going and dragging me after her.  i didn't even consent to be on the board for awhile even though i helped her in every way i could."  that was my bio along with a few other things.

it was always like that.  i was a follower and not a leader.  and now, suddenly someone says "thank you for your ministry."  even still, i credit her ministry at the end of each mailing, even though it is not practical to do so in other places i post on.  if this is indeed a ministry, it was definitely one birthed in her aspirations and not mine.

it was fruit from her tree, and what a wonderful tree it was.  she was such a special person and instrumental in my walk with the Lord.  She was not just my friend, but also my mentor.  oh, the stories i could tell.  oh, the memories i have.  even now i am tearing up thinking about her.

she was a deliverance minister and was instrumental in freeing so many to walk with the Lord.  while our friendship was birthed in the church we both attended, it went way beyond that.  we were each others' confidant and confessor.  i don't even know if she thought she was mentoring.  she was just being a friend.  when she was in need, i tried to be there.  what does one do when an experienced deliverance ministering comes to you for deliverance?  needless to say, it was not i but Christ in me.

after she had entered the hospital for the last time, i visited her and administered holy communion to her.  then i asked if she was sure this was what she really wanted.  (she had refused a procedure the doctors felt necessary.)  i was prepared to go to the mat with her; to do battle in the spiritual realm. but she had done her battles, having won and lost many.  she just wanted to be with her Lord now; be with the one she had given her life to.  she was a unique and special lady.  of course, we are all special to the Lord.

now i am left with doing battle no longer for her, but the fruit of her body she left behind.  they have become my daily prayer.  some know the Lord and His truth while others do not.  some are confusing the love of God with the love of the world.  we all know, "there is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." prov 14:12

and so i pray.  words and arguments cannot convince another,  though we never cease from trying.  it takes a work of the Holy Spirit.  "flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven." matt 16:17  i too have relatives and loved ones i desperately want to meet my Lord.  age is quickly descending on them and time for refreshing is running out.  they need to realize our righteousness is as filthy rags and they need Jesus.  God knows those that are His.  i can only pray and live the best witness i can.

so, i guess i really am in ministry.  and if i am, that means we all are.  not just to blood relatives and friends, but to every lost soul out there.  our ministry may not be to a great multitude like a notable preacher or evangelist.  our ministry may just be to that one; that one visitor to your church or that stranger you offer an encouraging word or a thoughtful gift to.

at one time i had printed up thee small folded notes.  on the outside it simply said, "a gift for you."  on the inside it told of Jesus and all He can bring if one lets Him.  when my mentor and i were eating out we would leave our tip inside that note.  fruitful or not, the word of life had been transmitted.

i have another friend who joys in giving out things to people; food, clothing, whatever.  she also is living her witness to Christ.  all our ministries are different, just as we are all different, but we all serve the same Lord.  we all have the same hope set in our lives.  we all are doing what we can, by the grace our Lord supplies.  "not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God." 2 cor 3:5

so yes, i confess this now as a ministry and by His marvelous grace, i will be faithful in it, so that i may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which i received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." acts 20:24  and to you all the Lord and i both exhort you: "take heed to the ministry which you have received in the Lord, that you may fulfill it." col 4:17

[donnerpartyofone]

I can't stop thinking about VORTEX. It brought together so many of my own contemporary thoughts about death, including a specific death from a couple of years ago, and a death I learned of several hours after I watched the movie. I don't even know if this is worth typing up but sometimes my weird burst of AM exhibitionism helps me warm up for a day of reading and writing, so I don't know. We'll see how it goes.

I was recently commissioned to do this big piece on Dario Argento that is simultaneously a great opportunity--certainly it will enjoy more exposure than anything else I've done--and a scary thing to have to do, since you're speaking to a large body of established scholarship (plus a lot of passionate personal opinions) when you work on a subject this famous. I've been at it for a while now, but it took me a long time to realize that how deep the whole Argento thing ran for me. I don't know about you but my appreciation for the classics feels a little different than my appreciation for niche items that feel more uniquely personal, or even private. I mean I love the films of Dario Argento and, like a lot of people, my history of thinking seriously about genre cinema began (in part) with the discovery of this work that invites such serious consideration. At the same time, though, it's easy to think of the Argento filmography the way you might think about, I don't know what, the Egyptian pyramids, or Mount Fuji. Or even hamburgers or pizza. Something so big and ubiquitous that you love it as much as you almost take it for granted. When I was working on Michele Soavi last fall, that felt like a very personal thing to do; he has plenty of fans, but his movies are far less exposed, even less available for a long time, and not much of substance had been written about him. Working on Argento made me feel like I had to be very clever, even somewhat perverse, to find something special and fresh to say about him. It surprised me when, halfway through the project, a great weight suddenly landed on me, consuming me even in my sleep.

Maybe it should have been obvious that this would happen. I was a dyed in the wool horror lover from the moment my parents pressed play, much to their chagrin, but I didn't quite realize that there were people out there taking the genre seriously until I was all the way in college. There I met my best friend, who is slightly younger but who I consider a mentor due not only to her passion and erudition, but also because she exposed me to the whole cottage industry (more of an underground at the time) of thinkers and artists and conservationists that had grown up around horror. Together we even met and became close with someone who produced scholarly writing and had relationships with some of our heroes and programmed for a major festival, and who revealed to us a whole world of movies--and a certain way of thinking about them--that changed the course of our lives. Certainly my life, at least.

Unfortunately this person was not a good guy. I was barely old enough to drink when we met, still a virgin, still extremely naive, and also mentally unsound. I couldn't believe I was striking up a friendship with this brilliant professional in his 30s who simultaneously represented what I wanted to do with my life, and also what I thought I wanted in a boyfriend. Things went about as well as you might expect. I'll spare you (and myself) the details but my most glib version of events is that over the course of a few years, he cultivated a totally inappropriate relationship with me for the main purpose of torturing his actual girlfriend. I'm sure I wasn't alone, either, as he kept a roladex full of too-young women who he'd had inappropriate relationships with, just to maintain a steady stream of attention and drama. It's not an exaggeration to say he had total control of my mind at the time, it's a good thing he didn't want me to rob a bank or anything. Being involved with him tainted my other relationships and made it very hard to graduate from college. When the level of toxic ridiculousness became so extreme that even I couldn't miss it and I just stopped talking to him (it was abundantly clear by then that dialoging with him was not going to fix anything and maybe fixing things was actually a bad idea), he went out of his mind for a little while. It felt like I must have been the only person who had ever said no to him, which was gratifying. He made intermittent attempts to get me back in his harem for ten or fifteen years, without ever even implying that he might want to apologize for something. The last time I heard from him, he had found this blog somehow and left an anonymous message suggesting that maybe I accidentally lost his number and email address and here they are if I feel like chatting. I learned through the grapevine that he had recently ended a brief marriage to some other inappropriate young woman. A few months later I learned from Twitter that he suddenly died. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have tried to talk to him one last time, but I'm pretty sure I know exactly what that would have been like. I guess I feel like I "won" in some fucked up way.

Of course Argento was one of his main guys, and he was the first person to kind of teach me how people talk about Argento, which became a window on how to interpret a world of other movies that don't follow the usual rules. There was a personal angle on this topic, too: Among those of us who accept that horror should not be politically correct, there are those who use the genre as a lens through which to interrogate difficult and antisocial experiences, and those of us who use it as a justification for difficult and antisocial behavior, ala "These films show us a hyperbolic version of human nature, but it is human nature all the same." The guy in question made all of his relationships into a torture chamber, and if cornered he was happy to throw up his hands and say "The heart wants what it wants" or whatever, as if he couldn't possibly be held responsible for the dark mystery of his own actions. It made sense that his favorite director would be someone with a well-known history of combative relationships and not-entirely-professional behavior. (I have a rather large tattoo of Daria Niccolodi, whose substantial creative contributions to Argento's finest work are often unfairly reduced to the vaguery of "muse") But over time I managed not to worry about any of this. Eventually the monolithic idea of Argento became decoupled from my personal experiences, remaining only as an acceptable and useful part of my training. And of course, the films are still a source of great pleasure.

Still, I managed to have a vivid and unsettling dream as my deadline countdown began and I was deep into the Argento memoir (which I have to read in Italian for various reasons, something I can do a little bit with deep concentration and technological assistance). The dream amounted to a vivid fantasy of dramatically telling the guy off like I always should have, choosing my own life and loved ones over him. When I woke up I had one of those disturbing moments of remembering that someone is dead all over again. Even though the dream was positive and maybe even cathartic, I was profoundly unsettled. It made sense that an item like this would never be completely resolved, but I didn't expect it to come roaring back to life like that. I underestimated the effects of my doing this kind of writing in public for the first time, over the last year or two--the very thing that originally tied me to this guy. When he was still alive, anytime I went to a film event I would compulsively scan the room and make note of the nearest exits. If he were alive now, as I'm being published on some of his favorite subjects, I would be worrying about hearing from him somehow. Now that he's dead I almost feel like I missed out on something. A chance to prove myself as his peer or competitor; or if our friendship had survived, a chance to hear him congratulate me, or have him treat me like an equal; or...I don't really know what. I just feel very strange.

I decided to give my brain a little break from reading and writing, and made an extra credit assignment out of watching the recent Gaspar Noe movie VORTEX. I had just seen the new Argento documentary PANICO in which Noe discussed directing Argento in a leading role. It's easy to love or hate Noe, but I tend to stay on the fence with an eyebrow cocked; I think that if you let him offend you or impress you too much, you're sort of falling into his trap. I really enjoy I STAND ALONE, which is just too outrageous to be genuinely offensive, and I seem to recall liking ENTER THE VOID to whatever degree--but actually it occurs to me that the dead guy I'm eulogizing here claimed to have somehow inspired IRREVERSIBLE; supposedly Noe had asked him to find a bootleg of the rape-themed porno FORCED ENTRY, which Noe found "so fucking funny", and supposedly IRREVERSIBLE was born not long later. Whatever. Anyway. I was curious about Argento's performance and I'm generally curious about aging and grief on film, so I checked out VORTEX and I was pleasantly surprised by how thoughtful and cogent it was. Argento himself is really good. It's a satisfying film.

With that said: As the movie unspooled I felt that I was contending with it pretty well, and then at some point in the last act it hit me like a ton of bricks and I just couldn't stop crying. I was thinking about the future of my marriage, and about us dying. I thought about my dad dying. I thought about that stupid guy dying. I had the strange feeling that I had been confronted with the fact that Dario Argento is not a young man, he seems to have already given us the greatest art that he will ever make, and we may lose him at any moment. The strange, embarrassing grief and mourning of a celebrity will come for us sooner than we think. It's the same for many of the people whose art gave shape to my life. I don't know what to say about it.

Later that night, shortly before dinner, I found out about the suicide of a certain artist who reached his extreme conclusion in the aftermath of accusations of sexual misconduct. I don't want to name the artist because I don't want this post to turn into a discussion of that exact guy and his work and legacy and the exact nature of the allegations etc. I don't even understand it all very well. He was someone I never thought about that much, although I was abundantly aware of him. I had been away from the subculture to which he belongs for years, for purely external and personal reasons. I didn't know he was under fire. The claims against him seemed to describe a situation I would characterize (as I'm able to understand it anyway) as "kind of gross"--kind of sketchy, in kind of poor taste--but neither criminal nor scary. Which is of course just my hazy opinion on a situation I'm not involved in. But apparently things quickly ballooned into a highly public social media trial that destroyed many of his personal and professional relationships, and dramatically affected his income and future prospects. I do not know if these effects could be considered truly proportional to his indiscretions. I also do not know if his suicide could be considered a proportional response to his predicament. What I do know is that his lengthy suicide note was very well thought-out and carefully articulated (whether one thinks it was actually fair or decent is a different question), and from what I can see, everyone on the internet is picking the most extreme reaction they can possibly think of. Like every single person who is being vocal about this, on every side, is being pompous and awful. The one part-way reasoned response that I read had its own problem, I thought, which is that it was so entirely ideological. It was the ideology of the artist's presumed ethics against the ideology of the true ethics that should have reigned him in or led to remediation. It was the reduction of everything to something like game theory: a condition we all live in now, where everything we think and do is plugged into some vast academic switchboard that illuminates larger social and moral patterns. It's so fucking weird. I often think that dogma comes from the fact that most people aren't high-minded self-aware philosophers and they really do want and need guidelines that are helpfully established by others--but then the guidelines become exalted way above the bittersweet messiness of life that they were meant to help with, and suddenly it's as if there's no psychology, no emotional life, no human weakness, nothing to consider except whether us anonymous members of the teeming masses have followed the rules. We're left talking about contemporary human foibles the way people talk about the Civil War or something, some distant historical fact to convert into pure theory. Holding individuals accountable for their destructiveness, and understanding that no person or crime exists in a vacuum--those things are important. But our collective, public attempts to grapple with those things have produced some truly strange outcomes. I have been thinking about the artist's family continuously.

I worked through Easter weekend and went to church this morning. The Wednesday priest is a real literalist and not usually that inspiring, but he said something really uplifting today. Masses are typically focused on acknowledging one's faults, which is a necessary step in any course of self-improvement--and of course things can and have gone off the rails there because instead of thinking of humility and reconciliation as steps in a positive process, people slam on the brakes at step 1 and fetishize self-loathing and shame and punishment, which has all sorts of unfortunate social and political effects. But anyway, the readings were about how the Apostles behaved in the aftermath of the crucifixion, how they--the guys who basically thought Jesus was leading them to the White House and everything was going to be great--found the strength to pick themselves up again and find meaning and dignity in the things they would go on to do. And the priest invited everyone to think about a time they'd hit rock bottom, or something close to it, and to remember what were the personal qualities and abilities that enabled them to keep on living a decent life. I was so impressed by this, I thought of many answers right away. Then during the part of the mass where we're all supposed to "show each other a sign of peace" across the pews, one of the lectors--a very sweet spanish-speaking guy I don't really know--peaked around the column between us and waved at me. I guess he remembered where I was sitting even though he couldn't see me, and wanted to acknowledge me. Almost immediately I burst into tears.

I have now spent a lot of the time I should be working doing this exhibitionistic purging ritual instead. I hope that I will not suddenly think of something I left out in the middle of the day and get dragged off course again. Now I have to really cram so I can justify going to see LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL later, before it leaves theaters. I figure if I spend time with the Lord, I gotta go pay a visit to the other guy, too. That is how one comes to understand things.

This is really good; necessarily upsetting, but never perverse (as one might fear). I happen to be reading the Argento memoir Fear, which is sort of breezy and not often surprising, but I found his brief chapter on losing his father almost unbearable. I was nearly sorry I read it. Dario doesn't permit a lot of intimate detail in general, which may reflect his control freak nature and his history of combative relationships, but what's certain is that his parent and producer Salvatore Argento was the one person who was there for him in every part of his life. I sort of have a dad like that, although we didn't make anything together except a life, and at this age I think a lot about losing him. I don't know what I think about it exactly, but it is on my mind. I guess I also think about the impending loss of certain artists.

There is something touching about the casting of Dario Argento, who may as well be a kind of artistic father to Gaspar Noe. He is very good in any case. It's hard not to think of this as some sort of response to Michael Haneke's AMOUR, though that film is a decade older and VORTEX exists for its own reasons. It's very useful, culturally, to have filmmakers who grapple effectively with end of life issues. It seems easier to talk about the tumult of life in progress.

And with that all said, please enjoy THE DEATH OF CRONENBERG, a moving collaboration between Caitlin Cronenberg and her famous father. Looks like her first feature HUMANE will be out for my birthday, can't wait.

[phoenixyfriend]

When Obi-Wan gets to AotC, there's also about two dozen Anakin clones on-site. They're all girls because... IDK Anakin is trans. They have a hive mind and are developmentally a few years younger than Anakin himself.

It's incredibly unsettling to Obi-Wan.

It's almost definitely a "fuck with Anakin's already fragile mental health" ploy by Palpatine, along with a "what if Jedi Black Widows, for me, a Sith Lord. Wouldn't that be neat? That would be neat."

Anakin is torn between "this freaks me out" and "GANG OF BABY SISTERS LET'S GOOOOOOO."

(I just finished reading Like Real People Do by glimmerglanger, so this is definitely inspired by that and the obligatory 'lay back in bed and daydream variations on plot points of that fic you just really enjoyed,' and also a little by Same Heart, Same Blood by loosingletters.)

They're physically like 14-16 on average, and Anakin's vibrating out of his skin with a million conflicting emotions, but when he tells Padme she's just like "oh, you have a handmaiden gang!"

I told this to @willowcrowned and she suggested:

Once Anakin decides to repress the part of him that’s weirded out and just regard them as baby sisters he gets. A little strange about it The first time one of them dies he may or may not slaughter every person he can [in response to Padme's comment] Anakin starts worrying that he needs to get them cool matching outfits

I also chatted about it with @firebirdeternal and they said:

Gang of Unsettling Smol Siblings is exactly the Karma that Anakin deserves

Do you think the Clones have a kind of Collective Name that they use at first that eventually just kind of morphs into a new last name? Skysisters or something? Like Palpatine was trying to be clever and name them like the Nightsisters.

I initially went with "functionally one person" hive-mind but I'm torn.

I think maybe they're BASICALLY one person on Kamino but drift into Separate Consciousness once they're far enough apart physically that their minds don't blend from proximity anymore.

Then they start Dating (like half of them are dating Fett clones because they grew up with these dudes, it's like childhood friends romance), and Anakin loses his mind about Protecting Them and They're Too Young.

Padme: You're nineteen and we just got married, they can date. Anakin: THEY'RE EIGHT. Padme: And the Fett clones are ten and dying for us in the field. Get them rights before you panic about their love lives.

Firebird:

it could be worse, one of them could imprint on Obi-Wan. "Anakin I promise I won't yell at you for the next five stupid things you do if you can figure out a way to stop this baby from having a crush on me" (I like the idea of Obi-wan bargaining not with "I won't be mad at you ever" because they Both Know That's Not True, and instead haggling with specific allowances. Like he's handing out Stupidity Coupons)

Please imagine Mace and Obi-Wan's personal responses to the idea of suddenly having to deal with not one, not two, but OVER TWENTY SKYWALKERS.

Plo is delighted to take one off their hands.

So is Yoda.

Willow:

Mace is like. okay suicide isn’t the Jedi way but on the other hand. i physically cannot deal with this Yoda: a skywalker, you say? one who is tall enough to reach the top shelf, you say? such a skywalker, bring me

Anakin would be given at least one because fuck you, suffer with us, but he's still a padawan so Ugh, fine, no.

I want to say one stays on Coruscant to hang out with the Guard, and ends up half-adopted by Padme. She keeps dressing up the Aniclone left with her in handmaiden outfits and sending selfies to Anakin.

"Hanging out with the little SiL!"

Anakin has so many issues about WHEN his genetic material was acquired.

And there's some confusion from the Fett clones about how much of a hive mind is normal for Jedi. They are confused that the answer is basically none, and "this is WHY nobody clones a Jedi"

ONE OF THEM STEALS BOBA FROM THE ARENA ON GEONOSIS.

Firebird:

"I have followed in our progenitor's footsteps and acquired a sibling." holds up a struggling Boba "He bites."

Willow:

Ooooo okay so if they have a sort of hive mind then they probably don’t have names other than their designations on Kamino right BUT When they SEPARATE The one that picks Boba up on Geonosis gets a name specifically for that. Okay what if the one Padmé picks up gets some variant on ‘pretty’ because she’s always being dressed up BELLE Maybe Yoda’s Ani has a name that means thief? Because obviously Yoda is using Anakin to steal sweets

So, to make the timeline work...

I don't think anyone would give Anakin one of his sisters until after he's knighted at least.

So obviously when they're doing initial placements none of the sisters go to him or Obi-Wan.

Once he's knighted, of course they're already all placed with someone, and Anakin instead gets Ahsoka. He loves Ahsoka. She is also a little sister. He said so.

At some point afterwards, one of the sisters is left without a place because the Master that was in charge of her died in the field battle.

That sister then gets placed with Obi-Wan, because he's already mostly-successfully raised one Skywalker, so he can do it again.

Anakin gets to hang out with her basically all the time.

Ahsoka is very very jealous of this girl stealing Anakin's attention.

Anakin is oblivious to the rivalry.

He asks Barriss to look after them while he's discussing Adult War Things with Luminara and Obi-Wan, and Barriss gets an eye into This Mess, which is quickly colored by Ahsoka growing a puppy crush on the lovely Miss Offee herself.

Firebird:

Ahsoka: Ah yes, my nemesis. Anisister: Ah yes, my new older sister whom I want to impress so bad.

"I will impress her by being Stoic and Competent" "Oh my god she must think she's so much better than me what a bitch"

Anakin is oblivious to most things to be fair Anakin: Laser focused precision fighting machine who can read the tiniest body movements and predict your moves seconds in advance, who also cannot understand even the most basic social nuance. I was originally writing this as to Dunk on Anakin but then I made myself sad, because none of those things are really his fault.

So you know that post about like, Sasuke and Brooding, specifically in the context of "Brooding" as it's used to refer to Nesting Chickens? Grouchy and protective and sitting on a tennis ball trying to hatch it because they're just. "These are my Babies." Anakin Broods. Baby sisters. Must protecc. "I'm actually fine and extremely deadly in combat." "MUST PROTECT."

Bad Guy: [catches Ahsoka in a Trap] Aniclone: Must rescue sister! Aniclone: [fights, is not winning fight, gets ouched] Ahsoka tearing her way out of Trap: I lived bitch. Also: stay the fuck away from her. [murders so hard]

Ahsoka catches the Protective Older Sib feels by the traditional method: "Hey, only I'm allowed to be mean to them."

Willow:

Oh Anakin has no clue what’s going on. He walks in on Ahsoka glaring at the Ani and is like!!! Little sisters!!! Bonding!!! When Ahsoka was about three seconds away from tossing her out of the airlock. Ahsoka mistakenly assumes that Barriss has a crush on the Ani, and gets even MORE jealous.

Obi-Wan is like oh god. I can’t take care of an Anakin going through puberty again. He’s great with periods and other stuff because he read about a billion books. He is TERRIBLE with everything else, as he was the first time.

Barriss is like???? YOU'RE BOTH CHILDREN, PLEASE CALM DOWN, I HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN DATING ANYONE, LET ALONE SOMEONE YOUR AGE.

IDK how old Obi-Wan's Aniclone is, probably physically the same age as Ahsoka?

Per @atagotiak on discord:

Also something something, similarities btw Anakin and Obi-Wan where like. "Am I a parent? That seems uncomfortable, I'm too young to be a dad to a kid this age, I mean I'm cool with being a mentor/caretaker but..."

Obi-Wan can't even sidestep parenthood this time.

"Is Anakin basically your dad?" "Uhhhhhh" [Muffled discussion] "So Obi-Wan is your dad." "Okay!" "WAIT NO I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS"

Ahsoka: She's stealing my brother, that BITCH. Obi-Wan's Aniclone: new sister new sister new sister gotta make a good impression

Firebird:

I feel like the Sister Squad would make very effective interstellar espionage agents Even like, kind of by accident. They just get encouraged to branch out in their interests and figure out what they want to do with their lives and end up all over the dang place, and since they're all pretty dang competent they tend to gravitate towards Important Positions wherever they end up. Except for one sister who just retires to raise Space Sheep.

I like that in this AU Palpatine is just like "I will create an army of Loyal Murderers who will obey my every whim and also be a big psychological lever on my Other Pet Murderer," and then they all just Baby Duckling imprint on the first Jedi to be nice to them instead and he has to just be like "Wait no not like that."

AND one of them Steals Boba

I want Obi-Wan's Aniclone to start dating Fives. All the sisters judge her for it, because he's a Goof. A very competent, ARC Trooper goof! But a goof.

Not as goofy as Anakin, though.

Firebird:

Who expects a clone of Anakin Skywalker to not make questionable lifelong romantic choices impulsively?