#also this was supposed to be answered an hour ago
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sjsmith56 · 2 days ago
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A Better Man, Part 10 - Walkthrough
Summary: A year later two momentous occasions are pending. First, the three partners of Shield Renovations await the dropping of all charges against them. Secondly, there is a wedding soon to happen.
Length: 4.7 K
Characters: Bucky, Steve, Sam, Winnifred, Andrea, Lily, Natasha, Bruce.
Warnings: Fluffy fluff with a final touch of anxiety from Bucky.
Author notes: I hope you liked this mostly sweet story of a shy man falling for the right woman. Although there was some darkness, it also showed Bucky’s qualities that made him the better man.
<<Part 9
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Part 10
One year later
The three partners sat in Bucky's office late on a Friday afternoon, waiting nervously.  The courier was supposed to bring the confirmation directly to them but according to Hope Van Dyne, he had left the District Attorney's office well over an hour ago. 
"Maybe he got into an accident," said Sam, cracking his knuckles and getting glares from his two friends at the sounds.  "Well, why else would he be late?  Don't those guys go all out on their bikes?  It's gotta be that or someone trying to stop us getting cleared completely.  Pierce could still have people on his payroll."
"You watched that movie again, didn't you?" asked Steve, rolling his eyes.  "That Premium Rush one?  There are no corrupt cops wanting to screw us over, okay?  Both Natasha and Maria said that as far as the NYPD is concerned, we're reformed.  They're all rooting for us, plus ever since we did Tom Benson's renovation, he's managed to refer a dozen other clients to us.  Our reputation is sterling."
"It will be fine," said Bucky, searching his pockets in vain.  He looked at Steve.  "Give me some gum, will you?"
He reached into the chest pocket of his Shield Renovations and Construction polo shirt, pulling out a package of gum and handing a strip to Bucky.  Another hand appeared in front of him, and he placed one in Sam's hand before taking one himself.  Although all three of them gave up smoking, they still needed a substitute vice when they were stressed, and gum was the vice of choice.  They sat quietly, chewing away, then the door opened, and Hope came in with a large envelope.
"It's here," she said. 
Bucky put his hand out, taking it from her, then she left.  At the time he hired her it was because Mrs. Parker said she was swamped but in reality, Hope Van Dyne was her hand-picked choice to replace her.  Knowing that the operation was close to being wrapped up, Mrs. Parker had stumbled across the capable administrative assistant on her daily commute, befriending her and offering her consolation over the antics of the younger woman's employer.  Even though May Parker contemplated retiring from the FBI to continue working with the company, another undercover assignment was offered to her and she felt compelled to accept it.  The last they heard she was working at a private golf club and resort in Florida, keeping an eye on a retired high-level politician who seemed to have a lot of foreign dignitaries visiting him at all hours of the day and night. 
"Are you going to open it, or what?" asked Sam, interrupting Bucky's thoughts.
With an irritated glance at his friend, Bucky opened the envelope and pulled out three sheets of paper, handing one each to Sam and Steve.  They all read the words on the papers then at each other, slowly smiling.
"We're good," said Sam.  "Fury has come through.  We're completely legit!"
"We can travel," said Bucky.  "I was worried that it wouldn't come through before the wedding and we couldn't go on our honeymoon."
"I can propose now," said Steve, then he blushed.
"Wait, what?  You're proposing to Natasha?  Does she know?  Maria never said anything about a proposal."
"Of course, she doesn't know," answered Steve, pushing Sam in the arm.  "Dumbass.  It's a proposal.  It's supposed to be a surprise."
Sam rubbed his arm, then grinned, offering his hand to Steve.  "Congratulations, man.  She had you wrapped around her finger from the very start."
"She did not.  What about you and Maria?  You wanted her to move in within a month."
"Did not.  Her lease was ending, and I was being nice."
Bucky watched and listened to their bickering, then crumpled up a post-it note and threw it at Steve.  His two friends stopped talking, switching their attention to him. 
"Now that we have our confirmation that the charges are all dropped and expunged, I'm going home," he said, standing up.  "I'm going to hug my daughter, read her a story and tuck her in, then take my almost wife to bed."
"You can't," said Steve.  He ran his hand through his hair.  "You're coming out with us for your stag.  It's all arranged.  Andrea knows that you'll probably crash with me tonight."
"Guys ... I didn't want one."
"I know, but the troops did and a good general always supports his troops.  Just so you know, we're meeting at a sports bar that has twenty different burgers, a hundred different beers, and games galore.  No strippers, no hookers, nothing that you or we would ever be ashamed of."  He gestured at Bucky's company shirt.  "I have something for you to change into."
He left, coming back with one of Bucky's favourite shirts.  With a sigh, Bucky changed, while Steve and Sam changed theirs.  They locked up, since Hope had already left, and headed to where they could hail a taxi.  After a short ride they arrived at their destination and made sure that Bucky walked in ahead of them.  It was full of every guy who worked for them, including Thor, and Peter Quill.  A beer was put into Bucky's hands, then Steve stood on a chair, holding his beer up.
"In a week, Bucky gets married to Andrea, a woman that stole his heart from the first moment he saw her.  Sam and I met her two weeks before, quite by accident as she was taking her baby girl, Lily, out for a walk.  We were having a smoke break, and this breath of fresh air approached us, then stopped, smiled, and asked where the nearest park was.  Sam, being the smooth operator he was, asked about Lily, then gave Andrea advice about child raising, based on his experiences as uncle to his sister's two boys.  She thanked him and walked away, leaving us feeling a little colder and in the dark without her presence.  Two weeks after that, Bucky joined us, and it was like a light went on in his head and his heart.  Those of you who witnessed this special time knew that he was a changed man.  In his opinion, he's become a better man since then.  To our better man, Bucky Barnes."
They all repeated it and drank to him.  He smiled shyly and looked at all of them.
"After my surgery, we decided to change the name of Barnes Contracting to something new.  It was Andrea who suggested Shield Renovations and Construction.  She said the shield would represent protection, something that she felt with us.  She told me of how you all waited at the hospital during my surgery and told stories about us, about how we gave you all a second chance to be better men.  Obviously, you all wanted it, because you bought into our limited scope of operations and when we went legitimate you stayed with us.  We wouldn't be where we are today without you all.  Thank you for believing in us and in yourselves.  We're only as good as the people who work for us, and right now, I think we have the best of men as our employees."
He drank more of his beer, then received many handshakes and shoulder squeezes from everyone as they began to party.  For several hours Bucky nursed his beers, drinking only three in total.  After making sure Steve and Sam got home okay, he took a taxi to the brownstone and paid the driver, looking up at the building in the dark.  He sat on the top step and opened his phone, flipping through the gallery of photos he took of the renovation, finished seven months before.  In many ways it was a record of the second part of his and Andrea's relationship.  The job became a labour of love as he steered the renovation alongside her, making sure she was involved in all the aspects of doing it right, the first time. 
Everything new had to be done to last a lifetime, and everything old that he kept from the original had to be restored to the highest quality.  When the project was finished, and they took the walkthrough together before moving her furniture back, she turned to him. 
"You are moving in with me, right?" she asked.  "This is all so beautiful, that you must have done some of it for yourself."
"It was all for you, but I am moving in with you," he replied.  "My apartment was what I thought Dot wanted, and I stayed there because it cost a lot.  It was more of a home with you and Lily there but this is the home I want to live the rest of my life in."
He placed his hand casually in his pocket, feeling the edge of the ring box, then drew it out, when her back was turned as she opened the butler's pantry door and went inside.  When she came out, he was down on one knee, with the box opened towards her, and she gasped in surprise.
"Will you marry me?  Will you stand with this former criminal and keep me on the good path that I've tried to stay on since I met you?  Will you let me be Lily's father in name and not just practice?"
"Yes, yes, and yes," she replied without hesitation.  "I'll marry you.  The path is wide enough that you'll never fall off, not with me at your side.  As for Lily, Brock has given up his rights to her.  He never wanted her, except for the money she would bring him."
As he slid the vintage engagement ring onto her ring finger, he gazed at her face, then stood up.  When she looked up at him, he saw only love, something he never saw with Dot.  That was the night they made love for the first time, a perfect melding of hearts, souls, and flesh that made his dick thicken as he thought of it.  Even though they picked up their relationship from where they left off, he didn't push Andrea into anything she wasn't ready for.  Some of their make out sessions became steamy but, in his heart, Bucky knew they would be together in every way when the time was right.  Waiting just made their first time incredibly special.
The selfie of them in the kitchen with her showing off her engagement ring was the last of the renovation pictures.  Sighing as he closed the gallery Bucky thought of when he sold his apartment condo, paid his mother back for the renovations and invested the rest, including starting up a college fund for Lily.  In the seven months they had shared the brownstone he lived as he always wanted, without worry and fear of the law coming after him, with someone he loved more than anything.
Standing up, he entered the code on the door panel, closing and locking the door behind him.  Slipping his shoes off, he hung up his jacket in the closet and made his way up to the second floor.  Checking in on Lily first, he grinned at how she was sprawled out in her "big girl" bed.  At 19 months she was walking and talking, and still just as friendly to almost everyone she met.  The guys at the warehouse loved seeing her whenever Andrea stopped by.  It was hilarious watching a bunch of grown men trying to entertain her by making goofy faces and sounds to get her attention.  She had her favourites; Clint, the father of three who was now their foreman, and Scott, who was in a serious relationship with Hope.  He knew magic and could make Lily laugh and clap her hands at his simple tricks.   Surprisingly, at least to Bucky, she liked Luis, who was teaching her Spanish, even bringing some Spanish language children's books to the warehouse to read to her whenever she climbed up on his lap.  Of course, she had soft spots for her godfathers Sammy and Steeby.  Every time they were over at the house, she went from one to the other, scamming them out of candy or money.  His mother's love for the little girl was as strong as if she had been related by blood.  Nana always got hugs and kisses, giving them back in turn.  If only Andrea's parents saw her more, it would be perfect.  Although they had finally met there was still an element of disapproval from her mother, over their daughter being a single mother, living with a man who was not the father of her child, even though the biological father was an absolute bastard.  On the other hand, her father had tried since that meeting to stay in touch with Andrea, often coming over and doting on Lily.
Moving towards his daughter, Bucky gently tugged the blanket over her, then put a stuffed animal under her arm.  Kneeling down, he kissed her on the head and whispered his usual saying to her.
"Sleep tight, little star.  In the morning, I'll catch you in my hand and make a wish to love you forever and always."
Getting up from his knees, he stood at the doorway again, basking in the love he felt for this toddler.  From there he quietly entered the bedroom and stepped into the ensuite bathroom to remove his clothes and brush his teeth.  He always kept a pair of sweatpants on a hook and put them on, then slipped under the bed covers, spooning behind Andrea.  She made the sweetest sound when he draped his arm over her waist.
"I thought you were staying at Steve's?"
"I only had a few beers, so I came home.  Besides, he snores when he's had too much."
She rolled over, kissed him sweetly on the mouth, then snuggled into his chest.
"I'm glad you're home.  It was hard to get to sleep without you.  Did you have a good time?"
"Yeah, it was good to see everyone outside of work.  Thor and Peter Quill were there as well."  He kissed the top of her head.  "In a week we'll be married."
He could feel her smile forming on his chest, then she looked up at him again.
"Are we going to announce the baby?"
"I think we should wait.  You're only six weeks along.  Although they'll probably figure it out when you don't drink any alcohol."
"Probably," she yawned.  "Natasha thinks Steve might be proposing to her.  She said he's been acting quite mysterious lately.  Did he say anything to you?"
He couldn't help but smile.  If he lied, Andrea would know it.  If he didn't lie and she told Natasha, Steve wouldn't be happy with him.
"It was brought up, but he won't say when it's going to happen.  You're not going to tell her, are you?"
She didn't answer but by her regular breathing he could tell she was asleep.  He didn't even get a chance to tell her about the charges being dropped.  That could wait until the morning.  He kissed her head again and closed his eyes, feeling like he was the luckiest man in the world.
💍 💐
One week later
Having his head down between his knees wasn't helping Bucky breathe, even as his mother rubbed his back soothingly.  Sam and Steve stood there, wringing their hands, hoping that their friend wasn't about to pass out just 10 minutes before his wedding.  Winnifred looked up at the two of them.
"Get him some water," she said.  "Send Dr. Banner in."
"Yeah, good idea," said Steve, relieved at the suggestion.  "Sam, you get the doctor, and I'll get the doctor."  Sam looked at him, then slapped him lightly upside the back of his head.  "What the hell?"
"We can't both get the doctor," replied the other man.
"Boys, focus," said Winnifred.  "Sam, you get the water.  Steve, you get the doctor.  Go."
She shook her head.  For 34-year-old men, they still had their dumbass moments where they acted 14. 
"I don't know why I'm like this," gasped Bucky.  "I want to get married.  I love Andrea and want to be with her.  I feel almost like I did whenever I saw blood.  Ma, why is this happening now?"
How he got that torrent of words out when he could barely breathe made no sense to Winnifred, but she wasn't about to call her son out on it.  He always had been a sensitive soul, and she was sure this had something to do with it.  Bruce Banner arrived first, accompanied by Steve. 
"What's the problem?" he asked.
"He feels like he's going to faint," said Winnifred.  "Said it's like whenever he saw blood before."
"Bucky, do you feel like you're going to vomit?" asked Banner.
"Yes ... no, I don't know.  I just don't feel right, like I'm going to pass out at any moment."
"Hey, look at me."  Bucky raised his head.  "Tell me three things that you see."
"Um, the chair ... the mirror ... um, um, the carpet."
"Good," smiled Bruce.  "Now, three sounds.  What can you hear, right now?"
Bucky breathed in heavily.  "My breath.  The sound of music outside."  He focused more on Dr. Banner.  "A siren, far away."
"Excellent.  Just breathe, steady in for five then out for five.  Now I want you to move three body parts.  Can you do that?"
"Yeah." 
He sat up and moved his head from side to side.  Then he clenched and unclenched his fists.  Finally, he stuck his feet out in front of him, then brought them back to their original position.  Sam appeared with the water.
"I had to wait for the bartender to show up ... oh, you look better." 
He gave the water to Bucky, who nodded his head and sipped it, then took a longer drink.  He kept breathing in and out, following Dr. Banner's example.  The older man patted him on the shoulder.
"Feel better, now?"
"Yeah, I do.  Thanks."
"No problem.  It was just a little bit of anxiety you were feeling.  If it happens again try the 3-3-3.  Three things you can see, three things you can hear and move three body parts.  It redirects your brain to stop the anxiety.  Works every time."  The doctor stood up.  "Just give him a couple of minutes.  Winnie, are you walking him down the aisle?"
"I am now," she said.
"Just support him.  He'll be fine once he gets to the front.  I have to say this is a nice place for a wedding.  Very picturesque."
He left and Winnifred kept rubbing Bucky's back.  Finally, he nodded and stood up. 
"Okay, let's get married."
The wedding planner arrived to tell them it was time.  Together, they walked to where the outdoor ceremony was set up in the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens.  Sam and Steve walked towards the officiant first, positioning themselves at the front, then Bucky walked out with his mother, stopping at the first row of chairs to kiss her on the cheek, before he joined his friends.  Then Natasha and Maria appeared, with Lily in front of them, her tiny hands holding a basket of flower petals.  As When You Wish Upon a Star played, the little girl, wearing a lacy pink dress, scattered her petals, stopping to put some in people's hands along the way.  Bucky felt his heart in his throat, as his lips trembled, seeing his daughter taking her roll so seriously.  Then she saw him.
"Dada," she cried, dropping the basket, and running to him, making everyone swoon at the sight, as he picked her up and kissed her.
"You stay with me, and we'll watch Mama together, okay?"
She nodded then pointed to where Andrea waited while the music to A Groovy Kind of Love started.  He laughed at first, then began to cry at how beautiful she looked.  She stood alone at the other end, then she looked to one side and was joined by her father.  Kissing her on the cheek, he walked her down the aisle, a big grin on his face.  There were more kisses when she arrived to where Bucky stood, from her dad to her and Lily, then a handshake to the groom. 
For such a memorable moment in his life, Bucky could never remember much of the ceremony itself.  He remembered how Andrea looked while they gazed at each other as if they were the sun, moon, and stars personified.  He remembered saying "I do" and putting the wedding band on her finger but everything else was a blur until they kissed.  Lily had already wiggled out of his arms to go to his mother, making everyone laugh.  When he was told he could kiss the bride he placed his hands on Andrea's cheeks, then kissed her softly and sweetly, wanting it to last forever. 
More flower petals were tossed at them as they walked down the aisle and led everyone to the pool beside the Palm House, set up for cocktails.  They left briefly for photographs amongst the flowers blooming nearby.  When the late afternoon turned into the evening, and the light became more golden as sunset approached, the Palm House was opened for the reception.  The glass walled structure, filled with more colourful flowers, and festooned in fairy lights, seemed magical in appearance.  Lily was entranced by it and clapped her hands in pure joy.
The first dance for the couple was to You Make Me Feel Brand New, the third song they ever danced to when Andrea had to nudge Bucky into finally kissing her.  Everyone who had been there from the start of Bucky and Andrea's relationship, watched with soft smiles on their faces at the tenderness between the couple.  That song was the one most suited for the wedding dance, although the other two songs made it to the set list.  It wasn't all 70s and 80s music, as they made sure there was something for everyone, including some sultry Spanish style songs that brought out Steve and Natasha, in a repeat of the first time they danced. 
If anyone noticed that Andrea wasn't drinking, they didn't say anything, although Winnifred and several others suspected that Lily would have a sibling early in the new year.  The toddler held out for a long time, dancing with her parents and with anyone she asked.  No one turned her down.  When she finally conked out, a bed of sorts was made for her using a cushioned bench and Steve's borrowed jacket as a blanket.  She slept there, oblivious to everything around her, until her parents made their goodbyes, and Winnifred lifted the little girl up in her arms, carrying her out to the limousine that took them home to her apartment. 
The party went on for some time.  Steve, after a quite energetic dance with Natasha, suggested they go out to the pool to cool off.  They sat on a bench on the far side of the pool, overlooking the dark water, which reflected the lights coming from the Palm House. 
"What a great wedding," she smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.  "This was such a beautiful place to have it."
"It was," he agreed, looking up at the night sky.  "We could have a great wedding here."
"You have to ask me first," chuckled Natasha.
He looked at her.  "I'm asking."
It took her a moment to respond then she lifted her head up to look at him, aware that she could hear her heart beating loudly in her ears.
"What are you asking?"
"If you'll marry me.  I think we could have something amazing together."
It was what he said to her the night of their first date.
"Yeah?"  She swallowed.  "Maybe, but there are complications."
He tilted his head slightly, smiling at that answer.  "You already married?"  She shook her head.  "Engaged?" 
"I could be, to the right guy."
"Natasha, I'm the right guy for you.  I knew it from the first moment I saw you standing inside our office.  I wanted you then and I want you for the rest of our lives."  Gently, he traced her jaw with his fingertips.  "Say yes to being amazing together.  Say yes to the guy who loves you for the incredible woman you are."
"Steve?" 
"Yeah?"
"Yes.  Now shut up and kiss me."
Pulling her onto his lap, he kissed her fiercely, holding her as if he never wanted to let her go.  Reaching into his pocket, he brought out the ring box and opened it.  Natasha almost stopped breathing at the size of the diamond.  She knew business was good, but this....
"It's not hot, is it?"
"Baby, I'm a legitimate businessman now.  This didn't fall off a truck.  Legally bought and paid for."
She admired it on her hand, then they stayed out there for some time, kissing and enjoying each other's company.  When Sam appeared across the pool to say they had to close things up, he grinned at them, knowing that he would be repeating his own version of a proposal soon. 
🌃 🌌
In the hotel room, Bucky, and Andrea, were catching their breath, laying on top of the rumpled duvet with their legs intertwined and her head on his chest.  Their wedding clothes, strewn everywhere, weren't a priority, until his phone signalled a text message.  Climbing off the bed, Bucky picked up his jacket, searching for the phone but it wasn't in any of the pockets.  My pants, the phone must be in my pants.  Where are they?
Andrea watched with amusement as he looked for his pants, then she got up and lifted her dress up from the floor, pulling his pants out from underneath it and reaching inside one the pockets to retrieve his phone, placing it in his hand.  He grinned, kissed her, then opened the message, which he showed to Andrea. 
Steve:  She said yes.
"What should I say?" he asked.
"Congratulations, now go celebrate," suggested Andrea.  "Then come back to bed and put it on silent."
He sent the message, put the phone on silent and tossed it onto a chair.  Climbing back on the bed, he hovered over his wife, then stopped.  His wife ... this woman was his wife and in the new year, she would be the mother of his child.  How did he get so lucky?
"You okay?" she asked.  "You were somewhere else for a moment."
"I was right here, thinking of how lucky I am that I have you in my life.  You changed me, changed everything for the better when you walked past Barnes Contracting."
She shook her head, caressing her face. 
"All I did was take Lily for a walk.  Grandma said it was important to know the neighbourhood and your neighbours."  She shrugged.  "I just figured it would be good to know who had businesses in the neighbourhood as well.  She was a teacher and knew lots of people."
"What was your grandma's name?"
"Lily Dugan," she answered.  "She was a widow.  My grandpa, her husband, died when I was little.  She always said there was no better man than him.  That's how I feel about you."
Bucky felt a lump in his throat.  Dugan was the name of his dad's friend, who worked with him at Barnes Contracting.  He remembered him, a big burly man with a large moustache and genial attitude who always made him laugh, even after the incident.  Then suddenly, he wasn't around anymore, and his parents were sad for some time.  Was it a coincidence or fate that brought Andrea past the very building her grandfather had worked at?  It didn't matter, not in the long run.  Placing one hand on Andrea's, he moved it so he could kiss her palm, then laid with his head on her chest as she ran her hand through his hair.  He was right where he wanted to be; in the arms of the woman he loved, the woman he would always say made him a better man.
THE END
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thorneprincess · 2 years ago
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“You’re not surprised”
"Everyone heard the tales of the beautiful captain of the eight gifting plants to people she favors. I am honestly just surprised you know me well enough to give me something that's pretty and useful. Jasmines truly are the best."
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A light laugh escaped her lips. I was so mesmerized by their beauty that I almost forgot to thank you. This means that much to me. I will treat them with the utmost love and respect."
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honey-skulls · 4 months ago
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HUGE VENT
I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen
My routine these last two weeeks has been:
-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep
-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw
-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am
I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍
Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore
Silence is actually worse than loud rooms
It's driving me insane
It's so loud
#literaly so mentally exhausted to the point that i forgot to ask a bunch of really important stuff and tests at my last gyneco appointement#i can't remember which med I'm supposed to take at a specific hour and which one is whenever. so i just take them both at the same time#i can't remember if i have still boxes of meds in advance and which one i need to go refill#because they're stuff i need to constantly take and not suddenly stop with#but i keep forgetting to check#and i can't remember where i put the prescriptions anyway#and which one are the right one and which one are old#I'm so tired#and I'm so tired of being tired#and I'm SO so so tired of constantly fighting to have my health and struggles acknowledge#i kinda just gave up and now i'm just mindlessly sitting there at the appointments for only 10 minutes being being told that i can leave#I've just been run in circles for way too long#and i get aggresively criticised every time i use advice and seek for help on the Internet. by the same doctors who don't give me ANY advic#or help#and my head has been pounding for two days#and my verbal ticks have gotten so bad that it genuinely gets hard to breathe sometimes#with a therapist that just made me talk in circles and lowkey criticised me for two hours#(this was our first real therapy meeting and they're supposed to only be 1 hour and are NOT reimbursed because the autism center will NOT#fucking answer to ANYONE. medical professional or not. so i had to go private 😃👍)#and the only thing she gave me at the end of those 2 hours was this schedule that I'm not allowed to bend#I've been trying to daydream about my AUs and develope them as usual to try to feel better#but now that i have time to draw. i just get more and more drawing ideas that keep pilling up and tear me apart from the inside because i#can't draw any of them thanks to this damn fatigue#i literally only did 1 af revenge and still need to do 3 more. and i genuinely don't know if I'll manage to do that#i told two friends that ill draw something for them. but nothing. because too tired and everything keeps slipping from my mind#i will daydream about Dimentio for hours straight. then forget that i did. and panic that the fixation is slipping because i “haven't#thought about him in a while“. ”a while“ was 40 seconds ago. I'm not exaggerating this keeps happening#i also keep spending the night DRENCHED in sweat because i just can't sleep without my blanket on me anymore. so more struggles#vent#negative
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago
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#sometimes i feel like my brain is disintegrating in my head. coming apart like a lump of paper in a pool of water#it comes with this weird feeling of vertigo. like i turn my head and my thoughts are spinning too fast. they keep going despite my standing#still. its also a but when you start drinking something and when u stop your thoughts r hazy and ur breathing is heavy#maybe thats not a universal experience. sometimes when i stop i realize ive slipped half out of my body#and now im stumbling from day to day trying desperately to remember all the things im supposed to be managing#but there are these big holes in my brain. like im missing chunks of grey matter. the bits that would let me stop and start things#i dunno. when im taking measurements i have this image of myself on my knees holding the fragrance pieces of my life together as they#crumble thru my fingers and my insides shrivle away from the walls that contain them. i go hollow like a gord#and ppl say oh ur so passionate abt what u do. and i go brittle bc it doesnt feel like passion it feels like the symptom of an illness#i dont care. im just trying to burn the hours away. make time vanish. and for what? what am i building toward? i have an answer that i give#interviewers but i dunno i never thought id make it this far. but here we r. unhappy and lacking in purpose. its just that this last year#was so weird bc about a year ago i burned out so hard that i never recovered and it just got worse and worse. i feel now that ive stopped#the bleeding at least but the bitterness is still there. still infecting my words and curving my spine around the injury#and in theory i understand the path to healing but its hard when im just so. i dont even kno. angry? im not mad but the word feels right#but i dunno what id be angry about. maybe im just sick of empty tasks and not caring. i used to have passion and enthusiasm now i just feel#fragile and hurt. bracing for pain. and that makes me so sad. i wish i could go out into the woods and wander. just breathe#but no. instead ill start another day identical to 100 others and hope to keep my head above the surface bc im sick of swallowing sea water#anyway. itll b fine. hopefully this week i can commit to a program. hopefully. another program halfway across the country. this time#vertically. landing me still 2 time zones from home. but hopefully there i can breathe a little. maybe. hopefully. well see#unrelated
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yoohyeon · 1 year ago
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Some random user liked a post of me complaining about my neighbours earlier and f that user cause why are my neighbours playing music and screaming at pass 3am out of a sudden it’s like they predicted it
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#if I wasn’t so shy I would knock on that door so fucking bad#they were told next time they do something like that they are force to move#AND THEY ARE STILL DOING IT ?!?!#after 11pm there’s suppose to be no loud music no screaming#but they got people over at 11pm exactly and start partying#and it wasn’t even that loud the later in got into the night the harder they start being loud#and I can hear the boom boom to my room I never hear the boom boom to my room ?!?!#it’s that loud tonight#our walls are too thin or my ears are to good at picking up sound idk what’s the answer#i was suppose to go to sleep 30 minutes ago but I’m mad I need to get this out of my chest 😭#Idk if my dad will send a text to our landlord though he’s kind of exhausted complaining to her and valid everyone’s annoying 😭#and we don’t want them to be force to move we just want peace we will feel so bad but they can’t continue like that 😭#and also I heard a loud banging earlier I got scared to death I think it was my dad banging on the ceiling#the neighbours above have pretty sure change place so they girl is waking up my parents instead of me đŸ„Č#but unless me my dad is not afraid to tell them 😭#i get snoring but once I have my earplug I don’t hear the woman it’s okay but my poor parents at least I’m home while they work :(#even I was sleeping 6 hours cause of her it also sucked for me but not as bad as them#anyway got to sleep it’s 3:30 I’m more relax now with my earplug I won’t see them 😭#i have video evidence in case my landlord want one I film the time so they can’t say it’s not true#i feel like a goddamn Karen and I hate it 😭#maybe we complain too much or maybe I just feel to bad to think correctly if it’s really that bad or not 😭#i almost prefer my ex neighbors and I hated those guys too bdjsbjdbs#i do miss our friend above though đŸ„Č he call my dad this week they are doing fine I’m glad đŸ„°#alex.txt
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mrshowlettsgarden · 23 days ago
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Cherry Kisses - Logan Howlett: the one where he gets distracted from your ranting
─➭ pairing: Logan Howlett x professor!fem!reader
─➭ content warning: fluff, make out session, god bless this hunk of a man
─➭ take a walk in the greenhouse (master list)
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Logan lets out a frustrated groan as he stands out on the balcony leading to the back of the mansion. “These damn shitass kids
,” he sighs aggressively as he pulls out a cigar and begins to light it.
He’s been teaching history to the students for years now and he still can’t get used to teaching the students. He doesn’t know how Charles, Storm, and you do it so easily - near effortlessly - and you have been teaching longer than him despite the fact he’s been living for almost 200 fucking years.
He lets out a puff from the cigar and blows it out to the air above him as he basks in the quietness of the outside. Everyone left for the evening since it’s a Friday night but Logan chooses peace and silence.
And peace and quiet is what it is now. But there’s one more thing he needs in his arms and it’s-
“What has Charles told you about smoking here, my love?”
Ah
the only woman in the damned world that has kept him sane is here. You’re always there when he needs you the most.
His wife

Logan turned around to find you standing tall and all in your glory. You have your arms crossed over your chest with your hip popped out and a faux serious look on your face.
“Seriously, Lo. After 10 years, you still haven’t broken the habit. Even just for a couple of hours during the day,” you exaggerate with a laugh.
Logan has a soft smile on his face as he listens to you rant about his smoking habit as he continues to take puffs out of the cigar. He was supposed to break the addiction a long time ago but he stopped listening to you rant once his eyes fell to your glossy lips.
Wonder what flavor it is

“You also still leave ashes along the railing and it leaves burn marks.”
You’re still ranting with no true seriousness behind it but it still doesn’t hurt to keep trying to talk him out of smoking. Charles has threatened Logan that he’ll turn him into a six year old girl for smoking while he was using Cerebro. As you were about to go in that particular rant your words were caught in your throat when you noticed him stalking towards you with a curious but dazed look on his face.
You huff, “Logan, are you even trying to listen to - mph!”
Asshole, cut you off with a kiss but who are you to break that kiss? What kind of loving wife would you be and not enjoy the kiss?
You feel one of his hands cup your jaw to keep you close with his free muscled arm wrapped around your waist. You moan into his mouth when he pulls you tighter in his embrace. Your hands clutch his gray flannel as you try to ground yourself but he makes it so hard to do so, especially when he nearly whimpers in your mouth.
After what felt like a blissful eternity, Logan is the first to pull away still holding you firm against his body. You're both softly panting into each other's mouths trying to catch your breath.
“Wha-what was that for?” you breathlessly giggle, “Are you trying to shut me up?”
“Cherry,” he mumbles a whisper against your lips, “Fuck - your lips taste like cherry, baby.”
“Oh
,” you mumble as he continues to barely touch your lips with his. You feel an ache between your legs and you want more from his teasing. “I-I got it a couple days ago
 You like it?”
He answers you with a softer kiss followed by another one and another then one more.
“I love it, baby,” a kiss.
“Fuck, gimme more, yeah?”, another kiss.
“My pretty wife
”
And another kiss

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corkinavoid · 3 months ago
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DPxDC When You Are Suddenly Dating a Princess
This prompt is a variation of good!GIW AU (read here), but that's an excuse because I just wanted badass Jasmine Fenton and her good boy Jason Todd.
"Jason?"
The voice catches him off-guard. Not because he doesn't know it, no, quite on the opposite - he knows that voice very well, he's just heard it this morning when his beautiful girlfriend kissed him on the cheek and left for work.
It's just that he didn't expect to hear it at a closed auction full of magic artifacts, two states away from Gotham, and in a room full of rich-ass people from all around the world.
He turns around.
Jazz is looking at him with an expression of pleasant surprise, black off-shoulder silk dress with teal accents draping her figure all the way down to the floor - it's kind of reminiscent of Greek togas, with high waist and lots of folds on the skirt. It also makes his girlfriend look even taller than she is, which, Jason is fairly certain, was intentional.
She is also wearing a necklace on her neck, and just by one look at it, Jason knows that it costs at least five times more than the apartment they live in.
"Jazz?" He breathes out, astonished, but then catches himself and puts on a smile, "You look stunning." This is not the time to argue or ask questions; he is on a mission. And it's a time sensitive one, so no matter how curious he is, it can wait till later. They do live together, after all.
"Thank you," the girl smiles, and then briefly turns her head to a tall man in a very expensive dark blue suit standing beside her, "If you excuse me," she nods with an apologetic smile in the corner of her lips, and the man smiles back and takes a step away. Meanwhile, Jazz approaches Jason and casually places a hand on his elbow.
"Mind telling me what are you doing here?" She questions, and, wait, that was supposed to be his line! Jason blinks and shakes his head, snapping out of his stupor.
He can't exactly say, 'Constantine asked Batman for a favor because he knows the man is rich as fuck, so now Jason has to either buy or steal an ancient dagger for some bullshit magic ritual because he was the only one free tonight and John really needs that dagger and that ritual and Bruce owes him a favor, unfortunately'. Jazz doesn't know he is a vigilante/crime lord in redemption. She might suspect he is - that girl is perceptive on par with mind readers - but Jason never straightforwardly told her, and she never brought it up herself.
So, instead, he goes, "Sightseeing."
Jazz raises one eyebrow and pointedly looks around the dimly lit room full of magic users, rich collectors, socialites, and other shady individuals. Jason keeps smiling. Eventually, the redhead sighs and looks away, taking a step forward and guiding him through the auction at a leisurely pace.
"Looking for anything in particular?" She tries again, and Jason debates if he should answer her. On one hand, his head is buzzing with thousands of questions, starting with 'how did you even make it here when your shift at Arkham ended two hours ago' and finishing with 'to which group of shady individuals do you belong'. On the other hand, she clearly does belong here if her confident posture and outfit are taken into account.
And she is his girlfriend. Has been one for two years now. Maybe it's time to share some secrets.
"An obsidian knife with an owl on the handle," he finally says, and Jazz hums.
"A Tecpatl?" She clarifies, and Jason doesn't even feel that surprised by her sudden knowledge of Aztec culture. He nods. Jazz gives him a thoughtful glance, "And how important is it for you to have it?"
"To the point where I'm prepared to steal it if I have to," he laughs, but judging by the look on Jazz's face, she gets that he is only half-joking. She narrows her eyes at him:
"Is it for you, or for your, um, friends on the orbit?" She asks, briefly glancing up to the ceiling, and Jason feels very confused for a second there.
But then it hits him: she is talking about the Watchtower. She is implying the League.
Jason doesn't hold back a quiet curse, "Damn it, I should have hidden the guns better, shouldn't I?"
Jazz laughs softly, but it's a warm, affectionate laugh, "Well, yes, but you also shouldn't leave bloody bandages in the bathroom. And your helmet on the kitchen counter," she tells him, amusement lacing her voice, and Jason rubs his face with his free hand.
"Fuck," he mutters. And then, "Sorry."
Jazz waves her hand it the air, brushing his apology off, "Don't worry. I'm not in a place to blame you for having secrets, am I?" She muses, and, okay, fair. But before Jason can try to make her elaborate on the topic, she returns to her previous question, "So is it for a friend?"
The knife, right. Jason makes an annoyed face, scrunching his nose.
"Yeah. Bruce owes someone a favor, but he couldn't make it. Other stuff came up," he huffs. 'Other stuff' in question includes some off-world mission, so he really couldn't make it, but that doesn't make Jason any less mad about it.
"Let me guess, that 'someone' smells of cigarettes and liquor, has a British accent, and wears a trench coat," Jazz deadpans, and Jason stares at her with wide eyes.
"How- Are you sure you're not secretly a mind reader?" He asks. He knows for sure that Jazz doesn't have a meta-gene, but maybe she is a magic user? That would explain why and how she is even at the auction. Yet, the redhead laughs.
"No, sorry. Just met him a few times," she winces like she can smell the phantom smell of tobacco even when the mage is not here, "Can't say I like him, but asking someone to fetch him a Tecpatl seems like his style."
That only makes Jason even more inclined to believe his girlfriend is actually a magic user. But he doesn't get to ask because Jazz suddenly looks him in the face.
"Consider yourself in luck, by the way," she grins, "You won't have to steal it."
[part 2 ->]
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sweatervest-obsessed · 11 months ago
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Unexpected Visitor
Pairing: Spencer Reid x G!n Reader
WC: 788
A/N: A lil Spencer Xmas Blurb while I figure my shit out. Also! I'm imagining older seasons Spencer for this one.
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"Hi! I'm, uh, so sorry to bug you but, um, do you know where Spe--Doctor Reid's desk is? Or, really, where D-Doctor Reid is?" .
Derek Morgan had to get his shit together because his jaw almost dropped when you walked in. What was some hot piece of ass doing, dressed like that, looking for Boy Genius.
He jumped up from his chair and strolled over to where you had stopped Garcia, who was just as flabbergasted as he was. "Reid is currently in a meeting sweetheart--may I ask what you, uh, want with him?"
You raised your eyebrows at the 'sweetheart', but smiled anyways. "He was supposed to be home about an hour ago and he wasn't answering his phone, so instead of panicking, because I know what you do for work, I wanted to come in and check before I lost my shit."
"Home?" Garcia squeaked out, still baffafled by how gorgeous you looked. It was like you were sent straight from heaven, a literal vision.
You nodded and tilted your head, slightly confused. "Y-Yeah...I'm sorry why is that---"
"We just didn't know Reid was living with anyone, let alone seeing someone."
"Ah." You nodded. "He's private like that, isn't he." Your smile warmed the two of them, and you shifted the coat from one arm to the other.
"y/n?"
You turned your head towards the back of the bullpen, and Spencer was walking out of Hatch's office. "What are you doing here?"
"Being introduced to your friends and coworkers since you haven't."
Spencer bit the inside of his cheeks and walked over to you both, placing his hand on the small of your back. You felt how tense he was.
"I'm here because our reservation is in twenty minutes and you said you'd be home over an hour ago." You looked at Spencer, whose eyes went a little wide.
"Shit. I-I didn't realize what time it was---"
"I have your suit in the car, and this is why I made the reservation for eight pm, instead of Seven."
"And this is why I love you." Spencer kissed your head and rushed over to his desk, scrambling to grab all of his papers and his bag and his coat and his scarf and his--
"Hi Y/n." Spencer looked up at the mention of your name, pausing in his frantic nature.
"Hi Aaron." You gave him a quick hug, but a bright smile. "How are you?"
"Well." He laughed a little. "I'd be better if we didn't have to work the day before Christmas Eve since I still need to wrap all of Jack's presents still."
"Oh how is Jack!"
"He's doing well. finally starting to enjoy reading, no thanks to you."
You laughed at his joke, all the while Derek and Garcia just shared an incredulous look. How the hell did you know Hotch? Jack?!? Why does Jack's reading habits connect to you--
"Ready sweetheart?" Spencer appeared at your side and you nodded. "It was lovely to see you Aaron. I'll stop by some time tomorrow to drop off Jack's gifts as well as yours. I got it when Spence I and went to Paris last month. I think you'll enjoy it!"
"That's why you weren't here for two weeks?" Penelope's jaw was on the floor. "I didn't take you to be a Parisian man Doctor Reid."
"W-Well, um--"
"It was for my birthday. My choice. I love art and museums so it made sense. Well, it was lovely to meet you all but we have a reservation to get to." You gave them all a quick smile before taking Spencer's hand and walking towards the elevator, your shoes clicking on the floor with every step you took.
"How long have the two of them been together?" Morgan turned to Hotch after you both had gotten in the elevator.
"I think today is their two year anniversary."
"TWO YEARS." Garcia clutched her hypothetical pearls. "How have I not known? How have WE not known?"
"He's private, and...well. You know Y/n."
"No we clearly do not know Hotch."
Hotch gave them a little smirk and a shrug. "Merry Christmas guys. I'll see you on the twenty-seventh."
As Hotch walked away, Garcia and Morgan just stared at one another. "So we're..."
"Going to spend then next ten minutes in my office finding everything out about this mystery person Spencer has been apparently dating for two years?"
"You read my mind mama. A little Christmas snooping never hurt anyone..."
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enhard · 5 months ago
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sim jaeyun — “you’re in safe hands”
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pairing: s.jy x fem!reader
not proofread, enjoy! (MINORS DNI)
: you can’t handle looking at your boyfriend’s nice and veiny hands without doing anything about it.
cw: SMUT SMUT ALLLL SMUT, everything is consensual, hand kink (obviously), a bit of size kink, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering, riding, jake calls you princess most of the time, playing with your tits, slight choking, mentions of sending nudes??, lots of whimpers from him, jake slaps your mouth, established relationship, jake has a drivers license woahwoahwoah
—————————-â‹†ïœĄÂ°âœ© ✼⋆˙—————————
you faintly hear the ringtone of your phone through the buzzing in your ear. you slowly open your eyes, let out a sigh and immediately grab your phone to stop that annoying sound.. until you look at the now lit up screen of your phone, that your boyfriend jake is calling you.
you quickly sit up in shock, trying to clear your throat and answering the call, remembering that you were supposed to go on a date today.
“mm..yes my love? how are.. you?” you say, trying your best not to yawn in the middle of your sentence.
you can hear jake laughing at you through the other line. “princess, you’re still sleeping at this hour? i’m sorry for waking you up but.. it’s 4 pm already.” wait.. what?? 4 pm?? you were supposed to meet up 3 hours ago. how is it possible that you slept this long?
“don’t worry.. sunoo told me that he tried calling you since morning and you never answered, so i just let you sleep. instead of lunch.. could we go out to dinner now..?”
“ugh..fuck.. i’m sorry. i didn’t realise i slept that long.. is it okay in 3 hours..? i need to shower..” you reply as you’re massaging your head from the massive headache you got.
“of course love. i’ll come pick you up.. although.. does this mean i get no shower sneak peek??” he chuckles, and you just roll your eyes at his words.
“hold your horses now.. you might get to see me another time.” you smile.
there’s a few awkward seconds of silence, then he decides to hang up so you can get ready.
truth is.. you slept this long because of the hangover you’re having after a longgg night partying with your best friend sunoo. main reason why your headache is also present. —
you hop in the shower, actually debating to send jake a little picture or a video but.. you decide to be a bit of a tease. you just finish your shower and start getting ready.
you get dolled up all for him, putting on a nice laced dress and your favourite ysl lipgloss, that jake bought for you as a present not long ago. you get your phone and keys, locking your huge metal gate. your phone makes a few clicking sounds while you search for jake’s number to call him.
“baby, i’m right in front of my house. i’ll be waiting for you.”
“okay princess, i’m almost there. i can’t wait to see you”
you smile at your phone as you hang up, already seeing the blinding lights of his black suv, stopping right next to you. he gets out the car to check you out for atleast 5 minutes, offering you a kiss and then opening the car door like a true gentleman. you get in the car, the seats all warmed up. “good.” you say in your mind. it’s mildly snowing out, you needed this.
jake sits back in the driver’s seat, getting ready to leave. you turn to look at him while he’s focused on the road and you can’t help but admire him. you would lie if you said that he’s not the hottest man you’ve ever laid your eyes upon. with his slick back black hair, a nice black suit hugging his waist while also complementing his eyes.
your eyes suddenly slip to his arms, more specifically his hands. they’re resting on the top of the steering wheel, his fingers so long and pretty, multiple veins following from his forearm up to the back of his hand. that scenery alone made you squeeze your thighs together, knowing you couldn’t act on it here..
there is only one thing you thought about on that silent car ride, his long fingers inside you. you needed that more than anything. right now. instead, you try to look the other way, your body as stiff as a rock.
jake looks at you for a split second wondering why you’re moving around in your seat so much. he smiles, reaching out one hand to place on your inner left thigh. “what’s wrong love? are you uncomfortable?”
you thought you would let out a moan right there, right as he placed his hand on your inner thigh. you quickly shake your head left and right trying to diffuse the situation. you accidentally look downwards at your lap, and see that same hand, now grasping the soft skin of your thigh, one vein getting more prominent with each squeeze.
you continue through this hell for a few more minutes until you arrive, exhaling when he gets his hand off you.
. . . you get to your table, through the reservation that jake made previously. the place is pretty packed for a high end restaurant like this one. you’re both making small talk, asking how your day was and.. what plans you have for tonight.. he’s flipping through the menu and all you can stare at are those hands. you begin to breathe more rapidly, getting impatient.
“who cares about food right now? all i want are those fingers in my mouth” you think, trying not to slap yourself from the realisation of what you just almost said out loud.
still, you finish eating, he pays with his black card of course. even though you keep insisting that you want to pitch in. he loves spoiling you every time and all you can give him in return are kisses or.. something more.
after another few excruciating minutes in that car, you arrive back at your home. jake sits down on the couch, manspreading while you take your shoes off.
“thank you my love.. the dinner was amazing. what can i do to repay you?” he plasters on a confused look on his face, almost replying with “you don’t have to repay me” but.. seeing how beautiful you were for him.. how you looked and how you got ready all for him.. made him needy. in a blink of an eye. he knew he was lucky dating you, and the thought that you were all his made him so excited.
“hmm.. there might be something you can do for me princess. you think i’m stupid? i saw how you were drooling over my hands. you really love them huh?”
you get a bit embarrassed, but you’re way too horny to deny anything right now. “yeah.. i really do
 i need them. please.” you say already biting your bottom lip.
you can see him slowly form a grin on his face, not saying a word. he pats his thigh two times, to show you the seat you’ll have for the rest of the night.
you eagerly walk up to him and take off your coat to take your seat on his lap. he pulls you into a kiss that turns into a make out session. he travels his hands down to your waist, and you move yours to hold onto his shoulders. you don’t pull away from his lips for a long time, the taste keeping you addicted.
he makes you pull away at one point, smiling at you. he takes his own coat off, having only a white satin shirt underneath. two buttons of the shirt are already undone, showing his chest real well.. with a nod from him as agreement, you begin unbuttoning his shirt, in a few seconds leaving him shirtless. you saw those abs and muscles countless times yet.. it still makes your body have a reaction you can’t explain.
he softly tugs on your dress while whining and pouting. you laugh at his pouty face, finding him so adorable yet so demanding. “go ahead”, quiet words leave your mouth while looking into his eyes.
he does not hesitate. he takes off that dress almost ripping it off out of excitement, leaving you in your underwear. he uses his middle and ring finger to open your mouth, shoving them in and wetting them with your saliva. you suck on his fingers a bit, getting to be a bit of a show-off.
he pulls his fingers out of your mouth, taking off your panties now. he immediately starts rubbing your clit first, flicking it a bit and getting it all wet.. then he moves down to your folds, moving his fingers back and forth. you grab onto one of his shoulders for support, digging your nails in it.
“l..love please.. put them in..”
he does exactly as he’s told. he shoves both fingers inside you, slowly pumping them in and out.. you’re rapidly losing your mind, this is everything you wished for. you grab onto his wrist with your other hand, trying to make him keep going but.. to no avail.
he stops, giving you a signal to ride his fingers instead. you get into position, trying your best to move your hips back and forth. you moaned feeling his fingers in you, not being able to resist anymore already. when he curls his fingers up inside you, he was almost convinced you were about to cum.
you ride his fingers as well as you can, trying to get on his good side. he’s not quite satisfied with your pace, so he gives you a slap over the mouth. “ride them faster princess, what’s up? tired already?” you’re fucked up as is, his words are making this WAY harder for you. the moans are getting more and more consistent, figuring that you’re going to cum soon.
“okay slut, slow down now. i don’t want you to get too tired. i’ll make you bounce on my cock just like this if you’re a good girl for me.” but
 you don’t slow down. with how much energy you have left, you keep going. “ahh..i need to cum..first..plea..” he cuts you off, his tone getting more irritated.
“oh? you wanna cum? let me help you cum then whore.” he grabs onto your neck, choking you ever so slightly while fucking you with his fingers. he’s moving his hand as fast as he can trying to make you cum. you moan uncontrollably at this point, getting so close to your release and not being able to talk properly from the choking.
you do end up cumming all over his veiny fingers and pants. the grasp on your neck loosens, leaving a red mark around it.
“mmm.. since i stretched you out so well with my fingers.. how about we put that to good use?” he smiles, that smile being far away from innocent. you know exactly what he wants and you’re willing to give him that.
you catch up your breath, grabbing onto his shoulders again. “let me ride you then.” you reply, trying to be as nonchalant as you can.
you move your hands down to his pants, slowly slipping them off him. the bulge in his boxers is huge, obviously you already knew that but the thought didn’t comfort you. he’s usually hard to take in, now imagine being all fucked up and having to ride him. you let out a small scared sigh, while taking his boxers off too.
his cock springs up immediately and you lick your lips looking at it. you grab the base to stroke it a few times, before getting into position to ride him. you intertwine your fingers with his as you slowly go down on him. you almost feel like giving out when you take him all in but you need to make him feel good.
you slowly start riding him, his size almost being unbearable to take. he loves it though, he loves how you struggle to take him and how that small bulge appears in your stomach everytime you bounce up and down. he grabs and pulls on your hair just to make you speed up, teasing you with that hair pull each time he feels you slowed down.
you pick up your pace significantly, moving up and down, back and forth on him. your eyes roll back from the pleasure and it really feels like he’s splitting you into two. he stops holding hands to take your tits out of your bra just to fondle them a bit. he’s running his thumb all over your nipples, sending you shivers down your spine.
“such a good girl.” he remarks, coming from him this is a compliment. you smile at his words, motivating you to keep going. he’s very deep inside you right now, any sudden movement almost making you cum a second time..
you can hear him getting more vocal over time, he’s whimpering and cooing.. the usual tough guy that would control every movement of yours, is now getting so vocal.. you love it though, your favourite part of it might just be his moans.
you clench your teeth and force yourself to go as fast as you can, just to make him cum.
“fffuck
. princess hold.. on.. i’m close..” just music to your ears. you want to let this man fill you up right now. you push yourself even more to overstimulation just to make him cum.
he lets out a whimpery moan getting so close already.
“cum.. inside me.. please my love..”
those are the last words you can say before he cums all in you. he’s filling you up to the brim and you can do is smile, feeling his cum leaking out of you. you give him a sweet kiss on the lips then on the nose.
“fucking hell
 maybe we should go out to dinner more often hm?”
you laugh, running your fingers through his hair. “you’re so cute.. now, wanna join me in the shower? no games this time.”
“waittt.. so this is why you didn’t send anything from your shower today.. let’s go for another round baby. what do you think?” he says, hugging your waist.
“hmmm.. maybeee. if you use those hands of yours again.”
“well, you know you’re in safe hands with me.”
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reidmania · 4 months ago
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WHY WAIT | Spencer Reid.
summary; reader works at a childcare and realises she wants kids sooner than she expected she would and struggles to admit that to Spencer after their agreement to wait a few years.
warnings; 16+, slight angst, a bit suggestive at the end. fem reader, childcare worker reader, mentions babies, wanting babies, avoidant reader, guilt, feeling scared to talk about emotions, talks about feeling empty, references sex, makeout, talks about trying for a baby. lmk if i missed anything
a/n ; i imagined this as post prison reid but literally any works
Your head is almost a foggy mess when you step into the bau office out of the elevator. Your hand grouped your hair before tying it up into a mess of a ponytail but you couldn’t find it to care as your eyes skimmed over the room for your husband.
You had finished work almost an hour ago, to where you were supposed to go out with Spencer for a date night — it was an unspoken agreement between you two that no matter how busy you were, at least once a week you would go out for a date night. It was important for your relationship because of how much Spencer was away.
Working at a childcare had its ups and downs, being vomited on, the headaches from toddlers screaming tantrums and annoying parents weren’t always the best or easiest thing to deal with — but you were doing what you loved.
The little letters or flowers you would be given by kids throughout the say, the big grins on their faces in the mornings, and watching their curious faces grow more and more was so rewarding. The job fit you perfectly it allowed you to be able to be nurturing and caring, like you were in your everyday life.
Normally you worked in the toddler room, which you enjoyed the absolute most, having little conversations, answering their hundreds of curious questions, and reading to them. A few weeks ago however, you had to take over the baby room because one of your coworkers were out sick and causing the baby room to be out of ratio of babies and adults, whereas the toddler room was perfect — you were able to help out, it had been a continuous thing, you would go in and help out whenever due to the low staff in the baby room, over the last few weeks you had spent many days in there.
Only it didn’t go exactly as you expected and not at all in a bad way, you had something about you that was so enhancing to little humans, their adored you — It was no different with the babies.
Only holding them and rocking them to sleep, feeding them bottles and watching them coo and smile made you think too deeply. You couldn’t stop your mind from travelling to the idea of kids of your own.
You and Spencer had talked about it, you wanted kids and he wanted kids, that was definite, but you both also agreed you would wait a few years until Spencer was ready to teach. He didn’t want to risk the chance of not coming home to you and his children — he didn’t want to leave you alone.
And you were completely okay with that. You worked around kids all day so there was no rush for you, you were completely content with the decision. Until recently.
Until it was all you could think about all day, and the entire way home, until you were laying in bed thinking about it, until everyday doing anything it felt like there was something missing, someone missing.
You smiled as your eyes laid on Spencer who was sitting at his desk finishing Paperwork, the only reason you were here was because he had some extra work to do and would be here later than he planned but he wanted to see you. So he called you once you finished and suggested you come here to hang out with him until he finished and then you would go on your date.
You walked up to him, hand gently brushing over his shoulder. He tilted his head to look up at you, the smile on his lips arrived almost instantly after seeing your face. “Hey” He smiled, hand reaching back placing itself ontop of your hand that was on his shoulder.
You repositioned your hand, clasping it over his own. “Hi honey” You leant down to place a gentle kiss on the top of his head. You could feel his thumb rubbing back and fourth over the back of your hand.
“How was your day?” He asked, shuffling around on his chair to be facing you completely as he swung your hands together gently, everything he did was so gentle. You couldn’t stop your mind from imagining him holding your baby in his arms, playing peekaboo with them.
Your mind didn’t stop there. You could just imagine your baby wrapping its small hand around Spencers ring finger where his wedding ring stayed. You could see it all playing out in your mind.
“Baby?” He said after your lack of response, noticing clearly your mind was elsewhere. You looked at him— you were looking at him before but you were really looking at him now, out of your daze.
“Sorry, What?” You apologise as you realise you had basically ignored whatever he was saying, making a small puddle of guilt flood through your stomach.
He tapped his knee, encouraging you to sit down innocently. You did so without question after he repositioned slightly in order to make it more simple and comfortable for you. His hand rested gently against your thigh. “I asked how your day was.” He said softly.
You hummed, turning your head in order to be facing him. “Good” You nodded — purposefully not mentioning any details, too scared you may go into too much detail. You and Spencer had agreed on a timeline for your future and you knew how important timing was, and you didn’t want to ruin that for Spencer just because you had a bit of baby fever.
Or what you passed off as baby fever.
“Yeah?” He muttered, hand raising to brush untied strands of hair out of your face. You nodded in response, leaning into his touch as he hand paused, cupping your cheek slightly. “How was yours?” You ask, you hand trailed behind his head to rest gently in his hair.
“Good, I missed you” He said, head leaning back slightly into your touch. You smiled at the little thing, how his body relaxed at your contact.
“I missed you too, Im sorry I had to leave early this morning” You left before he woke up, which wasn’t normally the case but you were called in because a parent needed to drop off a kid extra early.
He just shook his head, bringing your free hand up to place a gentle kiss to your wrist. You heard your name causing you to turn your head, you smiled widely as you saw JJ — looking very pregnant. It had been a while since you had seen her, last time being at the start of her pregnancy, she would’ve been just over half way now.
“Hi!” You smiled widely, lifting yourself off Spencers lap to wrap your arms around the blonde girl, she reciprocated the action, smiling widely. “Hot mama!! you’re looking great” You smiled once you pulled away, referring to how good she looked.
She chuckled softly, “Thank you.” She said, her hand coming down to her belly, rubbing it gently. Your mind traveled slightly to the idea of you in that position, before you brought yourself out of it.
“When you two gonna start a little family of your own? He will need a friend” JJ teased lightly, a smile on her face.
You smile as you thought about your baby growing up with JJ’s, the idea of them having little playdates while you and JJ could mutually support one another, before your smile slipped slightly when you realised that wouldn’t happen.
You tried not to show it in your face as you pushed out a rough chuckle, shaking your head. You looked over at Spencer who’s eyes were on you with a soft smile on his face, before you looked at JJ.
“Oh no, not for a few more years” You said, you wondered if she could hear the lump in your throat as you talked, a lingering feeling of disappointment taking over your stomach as you plastered a smile on your face.
She frowned, looking between you and Spencer. “You would make amazing parents” She said, gushing slightly at the idea. “Seriously you would be the best mum, wouldn’t she?” She asked, looking at Spencer.
Spencer stood up from his chair to rest his arms around your waist from behind you. You hated the way you slightly tensed before relaxing. “She would” He said, placing a tender kiss your temple.
You pushed out a laugh — it all hurt. In a way you couldn’t explain. It was as if they were taunting you even though you knew they weren’t. You wondered why the universe chose today for JJ to ask the question.
The feeling of loss returned, the feeling of something missing. It had been turning up randomly, doing the littlest things like washing the dishes, doing laundry or just laying in bed at night next to Spencer when he was home — it was worse when he was home. You couldn’t stop thinking about how much you craved your baby lying with you and him.
JJ smiled widely, “Don’t you want kids? Why wait?” She was almost joking, you could hear it in her tone there was a hint of seriousness lingering in it.
“We’re gonna have kids.” Spencer said as if there was no question about it. Your entire body tensed and you hoped Spencer didn’t notice it, you silently prayed he didn’t. “Just in a few years, when everything had calmed down a bit” Spencer said.
Your chest ached at his words more than you cared to admit. A few years, just a few years.
You didn’t know if you could wait a few years. The feeling was taking over every aspect of your life and it was already driving you insane — it had merely been a month.
JJ pouted dramatically as she looked at you, “You would make such a hot mum, full milf” She nodded as she looked you up and down, throwing in a gentle wink.
You chuckled, “I don’t know about that” You brought your hand up to your face, rubbing your cheek gently pushing a smile to your lips as JJ looked at her watch before sighing. “I have to go, how about we go for coffee this weekend?” She suggested looking at you.
You nodded your head smiling as she said her goodbyes before making her way out of the building. Spencer spun you in his arms turning you so you were facing him.
“You’re so beautiful” He said, thumb brushing over your cheek gently as he brought his hand up to your face. He leant down for a moment finally placing a gentle kiss on your lips now that the office was basically empty.
You laughed as you pulled away, “Okay boy wonder, finish up — im starving” You said. He smiled, leaning down to place another kiss against your lips, this one softer and quicker before he turned to sit down.
“Tell me about your day while I work” And you did, leaving out the parts that caused your heart to pull on itself.
The thought never left your mind that night, or any night after that.
“So much for our coffee date” JJ joked after you both ordered hot chocolates rather than coffee’s. You smiled widely at her, shaking your head slightly. “Coffee is overrated” You joked.
She groaned, “Im glad you think that, I’m hardly surviving. My obgyn told me I should cut back a little bit — which is all well and good till I actually had to do it” She said, you watched as her hand instinctively dropped down to her stomach.
There was a feeling in your gut, jealousy? Envy? You weren’t sure but you knew it was beginning to get harder to deal with. You just chuckled, “I could imagine”
The table fell quiet as your eyes dropped to the table, almost wishing you had the struggle of not being able to drink a lot of coffee because you were having a baby — you hated that.
“Alright, no more small talk. Whats up”
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as you looked up at her. You pushed a laugh past your lips as your head fell to the side, “What do you mean?” You asked in confusion.
She rolled her eyes playfully. “You have been all
 sad. You’re so sad. Why are you sad? I noticed it the other night at the office— Did Spencer do something?” She started out worriedly before becoming slightly defensive of you at the idea that maybe Spencer did something that upset you.
You laughed, “Spencer didn’t do anything. Spencer is amazing.” You reassured lightly. Although the pit in your stomach deepened — you knew exactly what she was talking about and no matter how much you denied it if there was one person able to get it out of you, it would be JJ.
“It was right after I mentioned you having kids
 Do you not want kids?” She guessed, it almost made you laugh because it was exactly the opposite. “Does Spencer know?” She asked — everyone knew how much Spencer wanted kids of his own one day.
You shook your head. “I want kids.” You said but the words held more depth. You wanted kids, you wanted a baby and you wanted them with Spencer.
“I still don’t understand why you’re waiting.” She muttered shaking her head and she distracted herself from the topic at hand — which you would’ve been grateful for besides the fact she was now bringing up exactly what was wrong — waiting.
“Spencer couldn’t do it now” You muttered slightly under your breath but she caught it, furrowing her eyebrows she asked why.
You sighed, shrugging. “He loves his job and he wants to wait a few years before he starts teaching. We decided to wait” You said, you tried to hide the disappointment in your voice but that was useless when sitting across from a profiler.
“You don’t want to wait.” She realised, her lips pulling into a frown. You mirrored the look, nodding your head sadly. She huffed slightly.
“It’s alright, really. Its just working around kids all days, babies and toddlers really makes it difficult for me to just—“ You were cut off when your waitresses came to place yours and JJ’s hot chocolates on the table, you both thanked her before she walked away and you continued. “It just makes it difficult to ignore it.”
JJ nodded her head in understanding. “You shouldn’t have to ignore it! You know Im sure if you talked to him—”
You didn’t mean to cut her off, “He wants to wait. If i bring it up he will agree just because it’s what I want, I don’t want that.” You said, shaking your head as you looked down at the hot chocolate in your hands.
“He wants kids.” She said. You knew this but it felt nice hearing it again. “He wants to be a dad and he wants to have kids — with you. Of course he will do it if you want it, thats not a bad thing. He wants it to, theres ways to work around work — you just need to have a conversation about it” She said honestly.
You pushed a smile to your lips as you thought about her words, still there was an overwhelming amount of guilt in your chest. “Ill see how it goes” You say.
It had been two weeks since your ‘coffee’ date with JJ and you still found yourself unable to admit out loud to Spencer that you wanted kids now. He had been away on a case this week, which didn’t help you being alone with your thoughts — but it made it easier trying to hide the feeling of emptiness that had been present for weeks.
Not because of Spencer, he made you happier than you thought humanly possible. There was just something missing, you kept waiting for the feeling to go away but it never did. You kept waiting to be able to fall asleep at night without the feeling of longing for something more.
You were lying in bed, when you heard the front door of yours and Spencer’s home open and close. It was probably some outrageous time in the night. You had been lying in the same position for hours unable to fall asleep.
You heard footsteps you knew all too well coming towards your bedroom. The door opened and you turned slightly to look at Spencer who was tugging his tie off messily as he walked towards the bed, eyes widening when he saw you were still awake.
“Hi” He sighed tiredly, throwing his tie on the floor. As he began unbuttoning his shirt, after pulling off his suit jacket. “Im so glad you’re awake” He breathed out.
You furrowed your eyebrows as you sat up to look at him properly. His hair was a mess and he was rushing to get changed. He hardly finished taking off his pants before he was pulling on grey sweatpants leaving his top half naked as he got in bed next to you.
“Hi” You said.
He smiled, wrapping his arms tightly around your body as he pulled you in close to him, so much so you found yourself straddling his hips as he laid on his back. “Hi” He breathed out again.
You were confused. Of course you adored the affection — evidently he missed you but he was out of breath and you didn’t know why. You looked over at the clock seeing it was nearing three in the morning. Spencer never had this much energy this late at night — especially after being away for a week on a case.
Normally he would come home and just hold you. That was what he needed after being away. Just you in his arms.
“What-” you were cut off by him leaning upwards, capturing your lips in a heated kiss, you hummed slightly as you kissed him back, melting into the softness of his lips. His hand trailed down your torso before slipping under your shirt — which was actually his shirt.
You gasped as you felt his cold hands against the warm skin of your waist. His hands traveled up your back like a mad man — as if he could hardly get enough, he took your gasp into his advantage slipping his tongue into your mouth.
You made out with him for a few minute before pulling away, he chased your lips but you pulled back, “What has gotten into you?” You breathed out — chest rising and falling heavily as you worked to catch your breath.
He looked up at you, eyes full of an emotion you’d never seen on his face, one you couldn’t place. He let out a breath. “Let’s have a baby.”
You swore your heart stopped as your breath got caught in your throat. You were sure your pulse was going haywire as you tried to process what he said. “W-What? Spence.” You moved to slide off his lap, feeling a sense of hurt in your stomach.
His hands gripped your hips, keeping you in place. “Please.” He said breathily. “JJ told me” He said, looking so deep into your eyes. Your eyes widened and your lips parted as you sucked in a harsh breath. You felt a sense of betrayal from JJ but you knew deep down she was just trying to help you. She hated seeing you so.. Sad.
“Spence” You could cry. You swore you could cry.
“Im serious angel. Let’s have a baby. I want a baby.” He said, thumb rubbing over your hip sending a burning sensation to the place his fingertip brushed over.
You frowned, “But you wanted to wait.” You said.
He shrugged his shoulders, “So did you.” He muttered, leaning up to place gentle kisses down your neck.
You tilted your head instinctively at the feeling of his lips gently brushing over your skin. “But you shouldn’t change your- your mind just because I did” You sucked in a harsh breath as you felt his tongue brush over a sensitive spot of your neck.
“I want a baby with you. I want to raise kids with you. I want to be a dad to our children.” He said, pulling away to look at you. “If you’re ready Im ready, I’ll start teaching. I want a baby with you, now.” He said, looking into your eyes. He spoke genuinely.
“Really?” You asked.
He nodded, “Lets start trying.” He said, leaning back down to kiss your neck again.
“Right now?” You laughed out a giggle as your stomach swarmed with an overwhelming amount of happiness.
He hummed against your skin.
“Why wait?”
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cainsau · 5 months ago
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A Game of Updog || The Boys Imagine
(Platonic) Soldier Boy x GN!Reader Featuring: Butcher, Hughie
Summary: Set in S3E7. The car ride to Mindstorm is too quiet for your liking. You decide to spice things up by trying out the updog trick on good ol' Soldier Boy.
Warning: None, just silly stuff
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"Do you smell that?"
Soldier Boy, who's sitting next to you in the passenger seat, looks at you weird and starts smelling the car, "What?"
Hughie does the same in the front seat, "I don't smell anything."
"Really? 'Cause it smells a lot like updog in here."
Hughie manages to keep himself from smiling, not that you can see it, but he knows exactly what you're trying to do and will not mess it up for you. Soldier Boy, on the other hand, squints at you in confusion, "What's-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake." Butcher interrupts, also aware of your trick, and is trying to stop it. "We are NOT on a fucking road trip to the Dolomites. Can i just have a tiny bit of peace while i'm driving?"
Soldier Boy raises his eyebrows at Butcher. He seemed fine with you and Soldier Boy talking just an hour ago.
"Sorry," you tell him, "It's just... i'm bored, and the car smells like updog."
There it is again, the word he doesn't understand. Hughie was kind enough to explain new words like bluetooth and internet, so maybe this is another new thing... or it's a sensitive topic to Butcher, judging by how aggressively he reacted. Soldier Boy opens his mouth to speak, but Butcher beat him to it again.
"Fine!" Butcher rolls his eyes, "If you can't shut up, why don't we talk about Mindstorm, hm?"
"Okay." You sigh, leaning back into your seat, then turns to face Soldier Boy. "Do tell us about him."
"Well, he can read your mind." He says, matter-of-factly.
You look at him, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn't say anything else. "Is that it?" You ask.
"What, don't you know him?"
"Nope," You shake your head, "I don't know much about him, or you, or any of Payback to be honest."
Soldier Boy seems surprised. He thought that his former team was popular. Perhaps the times have changed and the younger people are no longer taught about the predecessors of The Seven.
"Oh, but it's because i used to be indifferent about these things, not because you're not famous." You assure him. "You heard it yourself, the things Homelander say about you."
"Right. Anyway," He shrugs it off, "Mindstorm can get inside your head too, so don't look him in the eye."
"Where am i supposed to look, then?"
"Anywhere but his eyes." He answers with a cheeky smile.
"Okay."
"And he's also kinda strong."
"Is he as strong as updog?"
"What's updog?"
"I don't know, what's up with you?"
Finally! The moment you've been waiting for! Your eyes sparkle with delight as you grin from ear to ear, celebrating the success of your little game.
Soldier Boy only stares at you, eyes furrowed and speechless, trying to process what just happened. Hughie is looking outside the window, failing to hide a little laughter. Next to him, Butcher groans loudly, mumbling curses under his breath.
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springseasonie · 1 year ago
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I'm a Mouse, Duh! | LJN + NJM (M)
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Roommate Jeno x fem reader x roommate Jaemin, Halloween party trope, pure filth
Summary: Nomin in police costumes and Y/N in a "mouse" costume (it's literally just lingerie). Will they fuck? Keep reading to find out! (the answer is yes) (the title is a mean girls reference if you didn't notice btw)
Warnings: sexual content, dom Jeno, dom Jaemin, oral (fem and male receiving), Eifel tower 😖, spiting, cum eating, ass eating, butt stuff (it's my first time writing this don't judge too hard), double penetration, slight crying kink
Word count: 8,3k
Song recs: needs by tinashe
A/N: the drought is over!!! I have posted. This is my kinktober thing bcs I've been too busy with life so I hope y'all like this even though it's a bit rushed. This can kinda be like a "the walls are thin" special episode if you will. Also tysm for 800 followers (even though I'm barely posting). Feedback is loved and appreciated đŸ€đŸ€
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"Can you please hurry up? The party started an hour ago," Jaemin yelled from the living room.
"Don't rush me. You want me to look nice right? Be patient," you yelled back, applying the red lipstick carefully. You checked your hair in the mirror one last time, fixing your lashes as you leaned into your vanity.
"I'm sure you look fine. Hurry, I want to get there before they run out of beer," Jeno yelled.
"Gosh, I'm coming," you said, grabbing your bag. You opened your room door, heels clicking as you walked out the both of them sitting on the couch. You stared at them, face contorting in confusion. "Cops? Really?"
They turned to you, staring at you for a little longer than they should've. Your outfit was definitely something beyond scandalous. Lace lingerie, fishnets, heels, and a headband. Jaemin swallowed hard, eyes scraping every inch of your body. The obscene 'costume' hugged your body like it was made for you. And your lips looked great in red. He always loved the color on you. Jeno didn't hide his emotions like Jaemin did though. He was always shameless. Letting you know how good you look even on days where you weren't very dressed up. Jeno had always been attracted to you. Both of them were, making being roommates with them very hard at times.
"That's your costume," Jaemin questioned, eyes scanning you once again stopping at your cleavage.
"Yes it is."
"And what are you supposed to be," Jeno continued.
"I'm a mouse," you said, pouting at the headband. "Duh."
Jeno chuckled at your answer, raking his hands through his hair as he stared at you. "If I were to guess, I'd probably say playboy model."
"Ha ha very funny," you mumbled. "Anyway, I'm ready. Are you both going to keep sitting there staring or do you wanna go?"
"Yeah, the party, right." Jaemin pulled out his phone, ordering Uber for the three of you. You all walk outside, standing in front of your apartment. Tonight, the biggest frat of your university was going to throw a Halloween party. They're known for having the best parties, so this one shouldn't be short of excitement. You were hoping and praying to get laid tonight after a 4 month dry spell. You needed action, no matter where you got it from.
Hopefully, your dream could come true. It shouldn't be that hard right? After all, it was Halloween.
-
You definitely were not gonna get laid tonight. Half of the frat is already piss drunk, the sports bros are hooking up or going home early, all the hot guys are with their girlfriends. It looked like luck was in fact not on your side. In moments like these you would nuzzle into one of your friends arms and complain but they were all off doing whatever for the night. Now it was just you and the red solo cup full of various alcoholic beverages mixed together. The drink was rancid, but it would have you loose in no time to help you get comfortable.
Funny thing about it was you'd probably never be comfortable. You definitely did not have the most outrageous outfit in the house, but the eyes that lingered on you made you feel like you did. This costume was completely out of your norm. Every other Halloween, Jeno and Jaemin would dress up as something funny, but this time you wanted to take a bit of a break. Now that break is costing you foot pain, forcing you to stand in the corner in 5 inch heels for an hour and a half.
You stopped your drink, trying your best to avoid the gaze of the men who migrated around the house. But there was one gaze you couldn't shake no matter how much you tried. Jaemin watched you from the other side, eyes scanning your body like they did hours prior. He was so attracted to you it made him crazy. This was probably the first time he felt like he needed you. There were times where he walked in on you accidentally, saw you in underwear, but nothing could compare to this.
You stood there, gorgeous as ever, in the sexiest clothes ever, tiny bits of skin peeking through the lace making his mind wild. And now that he had just the right amount of alcohol in his system, he could finally do something about it.
You didn't notice Jaemin walking towards you, so when you heard him speak, you jumped a bit.
"Y/N," he said, making you turn around.
"God, you scared me," you laughed. You watched him lean on the wall, one hand on his cup and the other in his pocket. His eyes hung low, lips curved into a smile as he stared at you.
"Ah, sorry. Didn't mean to." Jaemin sipped his drink, licking his lips as he continued to look at your cleavage. "I didn't tell you earlier but
 you look great tonight."
The way his eyes went from your lips to your chest didn't go unnoticed. "You didn't have to tell me, you've been staring since we got here," you say. You thought that would probably throw him off his game but to your surprise, all he did was grin and laugh.
"So you noticed?"
"Of course I noticed. Everyone's been staring at me. Am I that naked," you question.
"Do you feel naked?"
"I do when you look at me like that," you laugh. Jaemin's eyes were always the thing that told you the most. He could've lied and said you look ridiculous but his expressions never lie. He didn't know, but you always felt vulnerable under his stare. Like he could do anything and everything. And you would definitely let him.
"If you wanna fuck me, just say so," you joke. You brought the cup to your lips, drinking the party battery acid. Your eyes were locked on his, the tension between you both becoming thicker and thicker by the second. For a minute, you forgot that you were in a room full of people because all you wanted to do was rip that costume off him and give him what he was begging for.
Jaemin watched you as you pulled the cup away from your lips, lipstick staining the plastic. A drop of the liquid remained on your lip, the sight making Jaemin swallow hard. All he could think about was that pretty lipstick being in places it shouldn't be. Jaemin reached up, tilting your chin to him softly as he took his thumb and wiped the drop.
Your stomach erupted in butterflies, heat spreading between your legs when he maintained eye contact. You didn't mean to, but you leaned into his touch, slightly gasping when he continued staring at you.
"Should I fuck you," he said out right.
Your heart beat sped up immediately, this sudden surge of confidence in him making you go crazy. That's when you noticed how close you both were. Jaemin's face was hovering right above yours, one more step and he would be kissing you. His lips looked so soft and inviting, so why not make it happen. You glanced at his lips then looked back at his eyes slowly getting sucked into his little game.
"Is this part of your whole police bit? Interrogating me like this,' you joke, trying to take some edge off the moment. "Are you going to arrest me if I don't answer?"
Jaemin didn't answer, just grinned. You always had a way of getting out of something and that something just so happened to be the sexual tension that's been brewing between the both of you for the longest. You couldn't deny that he looked good in the costume. And you always had a thing for men in uniform.
But instead of making a move, Jaemin simply backed away from you, eyeing you up and down. "I'm not doing this here," he mumbled, licking his lips.
"Do it," you said. "Do whatever you want." You swallowed hard, watching Jaemin watch you. You wanted him to just grab you and take you right here in the corner of the room. No one would notice anyway. Everyone was either high, drunk or in their own world.
Jaemin chuckled, licking his lips. "I'll see you later okay. Don't get too drunk." And with that he walked away, leaving you hot and needy.
-
Your body moved to the music, surrounded on all sides by people who also danced, talked and laughed. So far it's been a blast. Nothing crazy has happened except for some guy fighting another guy for scaring him too badly, two freshmans getting caught in a bedroom together, a girl projectile vomiting all over the living room. But other than that, it's been a smooth night.
You keep thinking about how you talked earlier with Jaemin. His sly look, the confidence in his eyes, the way he towered over you. God, he was so enticing.
You kept sipping your drink, the liquid falling into your stomach and heating your body at the same time when you felt someone come up behind you. They held your hips, body swaying with yours. "I thought you would never come back," you said, leaning into their body.
"I haven't seen you all night."
You looked behind you, only to see Jeno staring at you with his signature smile. "I thought you were Jaem," you said, turning around fully. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he continued to hold your waist, body dancing with yours to the music.
"Why are you always looking for him and not me," he whined playfully.
You laughed, fingers playing in his hair. You felt his hands tense and tighten on your hips, fingers slightly pressing into your sides. This is the closest you've probably ever been to him. Due to the nature of your outfit, it felt like his hands were on your skin, making your body heat up a little too fast. You tried to push the thoughts of his hands ripping off the outfit, forcing you down to your knees, swirling your cup of liquid behind his head. You took your arm from behind him, sipping it slowly.
"Gosh what made you think this costume was a good idea," he groaned, his cute grin making you giggle.
"Why didn't you and Jaem tell me you guys were gonna be cops? I could've been a cop too," you laugh.
"No one likes female cops."
"Not true. You haven't seen me as a female cop yet." The funny thing is that he did it last year. Except you bought a proper cop costume instead of a 'sexy' one. "Besides, I like this one. It was cheap."
"Clearly," he chuckled. His laugh was deep, radiating through your entire chest. That's when you noticed he wasn't even looking in your direction. Jeno was looking directly at your cleavage as your chest was pressed right against his. He slid his hands down your hips and behind, palms loosely cupping your ass. "What were you looking to achieve wearing this Y/N? Because whatever it was, it might be working."
You reached back, moving his hands back to your hips. "I'm trying to get laid, and I'm trying to do it with anyone that's not you."
Jeno raised a brow, giving you a dry laugh. "You're the only woman I know who wouldn't take the easy route."
"And what do you mean by that?"
"I mean," he leaned into your ear, lips brushing against the edge,"what kind of woman wouldn't wanna fuck two guys who clearly wanna fuck her and happens to live with?"
Jenos hands snakes back to your ass, gripping it hard. Your brows furrowed as you looked up at him, who remained as calm and collected as he did earlier. God it made you crazy. You were already wet from the interaction with Jaemin earlier, this one with Jeno just making you soaked.
"You're so rough, don't manhandle me," you whined, chest slightly pushing against his.
"Don't pretend you don't like it rough. 'Harder, faster'," he mocked. You've been a little less discreet than you would've liked in the past, leading to weeks and weeks of bullying by the two. "Your taste in men is horrible. If you have to keep telling them what to do, they're horrible."
"And if I fuck you and Jaem, what would that make me," you ask, tilting your head.
"Smart."
You laugh, taking another big sip from your cup. All Jeno could think about was how close you were to him. How close he is to ripping your lack of real clothes off. He just wanted you to admit that you've been thinking about it too, but he's fine if you didn't. He enjoyed the chase. He watched you place the cup on the coffee table that's next to you, fully immersing yourself in the conversation you were having with him. But Jeno wishes he could immerse himself the same as you. The way you look at him, the way you let your fingers graze his arms. You had no idea.
"Do you like the police costumes," Jeno asked you, content expression on his face.
You nod, moving your arms from around his neck and placing them on his shoulders. "Of course I do. You look hot," you complimented, grazing your fingers down his arms.
"Hot enough for you to fuck?"
You gave him a soft laugh, rolling your eyes. "Keep asking and it'll never happen."
"So you've considered."
You shook your head, avoiding the obvious answer but he knew you better than that. You thought about fucking him and Jaemin almost everyday. The thought of them bending you over, fist in your hair as they took you from behind plagued your once sane mind more times than you would like to admit. The feeling of their rough strong hands on your body, forcing you into any position possible. You couldn't help it. Living in such close quarters with them gave you the privileges of seeing things other women would kill to see. The Halloween costumes made it so much worse, the want for them to dominate you stronger than ever. Maybe you had a thing for power, but whatever it was was turning you into the most horny woman where you stood.
"Don't lie to me," he said quietly. Jeno gave you a smug smile as he leaned into your ear. "Instead of trying to fuck one of these losers, all you have to do is say the word and we'll be out of here."
A shiver ran down your spine feeling his breath on your ear. You needed him badly. You needed Jaemin badly, and you just knew you had to take the opportunity, but not without teasing him so much. Just before you spoke, you felt someone press against your back, whoever it was was not breathing into your neck.
"You guys are having fun without me?"
You gulped, Jaemin's deep whisper traveling right between your legs. Jeno moved his hands to your hips allowing Jaemin to place his own hands on your waist. His fingers played with the thin fabric, nails threatening to tip the thread with every pass. Jaemin pressed his semi hard cock in your ass while Jeno pressed his to your front, sending you into a spiral. You were forcefully sandwiched between your roommates, the air getting thick around you as people began to stare at the three of you.
"Guys people are starting to stare," you say, looking down to avoid eye contact with Jeno.
"And? They're just waiting for us to fuck you right in the middle of this floor. And I bet you're waiting for it too," Jaemin says in your ear, chuckling when you arched your ass on him. For a second it felt like no one was in the room. The music muffled in your ears, the faint feeling of jaemin's lips on your neck and Jeno's lips grazing against your lighting a fire in your chest.
"Stop teasing," you exhale.
"Do you want it as much as we want it," Jeno questioned, biting his lip as he stared at yours.
"Yes."
A wicked smile you couldn't see spread on Jaemin's face hearing your words. "This is gonna be a long night then."
-
The Uber ride consisted of nothing but kissing and touching. You were squeezed between the two men, their hands all over your body not giving a second to breathe. You find yourself kissing both of them at the same time, one or the other pulling you away when they feel they've been left out.
Jaemin's soft touch contrasted how strong his kisses were, his hand resting gently on the back of your neck as he kissed you. He wanted you to feel how much he wanted you, not just know. Jaemin didn't hide how horny he was for you due to the number of drinks he consumed at the party. He palmed himself, his cock straining against the pants of the costume.
Beside you, Jeno kissed neck, holding your waist tight he was pressed against you, sandwiching your body between the both of them. The scene was something straight out of a movie. The three of you are unable to keep your hands to yourselves as your driver tries his best to not watch in the front of the car.
You were in a complete daze, Jeno grabbing your chin gently, turning you to him. You moaned on his lips softly, turning your body to him. Jeno's hands went from your waist to your chest, gripping your breast generously. Jaemin kissed your neck down to your shoulder, his big strong hands making their way between your legs. You gasped softly feeling his thumbs rub your inner thighs dangerously close to your soaking heat.
"Fuck," you whispered, brows furrowing as you felt his thumb graze your clothed clit.
"It would only take me a second to rip this shit fabric off you," he whispered low enough so the driver couldn't hear. "Is that what you want?"
You nodded, gulping as Jeno's hands rubbed up your thighs. "Be patient, pretty. We're almost home," Jeno whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth. You wish you could calm down, but the way jeno's hands sooth you as Jaemin keeps rubbing his thumb dangerously close to your clit makes you feel insane.
You kissed Jeno, hand on his neck as he wanted into his mouth. Jaemin began stroking his thumb softly against your clit, his lips on the back of your neck. Jeno bit your lip softly, kissing you once more as you began to quietly moan. Your hips moved on their own, slightly beginning to grind on his thumb.
"You're such a cute whore, putting on a show for everyone," Jaemin whispered.
"Are you gonna punish me officer?"
Your lips curled into a smile hearing Jaemin's soft laughter. You thought he would be put off by the sentence but instead he whispered something else that made your thoughts run.
"The costume came with handcuffs. You wanna put them to use?"
You nodded, heart beating fast in your chest. Jeno took your chin between his fingers, kissing you softly, his tongue making its way into your mouth. Jeno wrapped his hand around your neck, squeezing it lightly making you moan softly into his mouth.
"U-uh, w-we arrived at your location," said the driver, who was silent the whole ride.
Jeno planted one more kiss on your lips softly, before turning to speak. "Thanks for the ride." The three of you got out of the car, Jeno stopping before walking to the entrance of your shared apartment.
"Mark is your name right?"
"Uh-huh," the driver said, nodding awkwardly.
"Thanks for the ride Mark, I'll give you a hefty tip."
The driver nodded and drove off, the deep red on his cheeks completely noticeable. Jeno walked back to you and Jaemin, who were already eating each other's faces in front of the door. "You two look like 2 drunk sorority girls," he laughed, pulling you away from the other male.
"Well, I'm trying to fuck like a drunk sorority girl so let's go inside," you said, closing your eyes as Jeno kissed your neck. The male chuckled and pulled you into the building followed by Jaemin. The elevator ride up was just as eventful as the car ride, hands and mouths all over you. The ding of the elevator snapped you out of whatever trance they had you in, but not them. They pulled you down the hall and to the door of your apartment, Jaemin's hand fumbling as he put the code into the door.
In the blink of an eye, the three of you were inside and the door was shut. Both of their hands were all over your body, not even giving you a chance to breathe. Jaemin grabbed your face, kissing you roughly. "Fuck I've been waiting for this all night," he mumbled.
"C-can we get to my bedroom at least," you said.
The both of them chuckled at your sudden flustered expression, following you to your room. Once again they didn't even give you time to breathe before they were all over your body. Jaemin pulled you to him, lips on yours as his hands gripped your waist. His hands moved to your tiny shorts, unbuttoning and unzipping the fabric. You kicked your heels off, height shifting but still keeping your lips on his. That's when you feel Jeno come up behind you, pressing himself on your body as he groped your breast from behind, kissing your neck softly.
Jaemin tugs your shorts down letting the fabric fall to the floor. You step out of the shorts, moaning softly when you feel Jeno's hand slip between your legs, cupping your clothed heat.
"Bet you've been thinking about this all night," he whispered in your ear.
You nodded, brows furrowing as Jaemin begins to kiss your neck. "Just fuck me already," you whined softly.
"You're desperate aren't you," Jaemin mumbled, chuckling as he undid the buttons of your body suit. The male pulled the fabric up your body, his fingertips grazing your bare skin lighting a fire in your belly. Jeno wasted no time getting his hand back between your legs, finding that you were wearing nothing but a thong with your tights.
"Jesus, you really were just trying to get fucked tonight weren't you." You closed your eyes, letting your head fall on Jaemin's shoulder taking in the feeling of Jeno rubbing your clothed clit. He smirked to himself watching you push onto his hand as he kept going. "What do you want right now, hm?"
"Anything," you said breathlessly. "Please.."
"Isn't that cute," Jaemin mumbled, chuckling softly. "But are you gonna be a good girl for the rest of the night?"
You groaned softly, rolling your eyes. "Please just fuck me," you whined.
"You didn't answer his question," Jeno chimed, fingers playing with your fishnets.
You wanted to say something else, but you realized they had the upper hand at the moment. You needed to have sex badly, and was so desperate to get something out of someone. And as much as it pained you to not pick a fight with them m, you obliged not just for your own sanity, but also because the thought of them telling you what to do was fucking hot.
"I'll be a good girl," you said reluctantly.
"Good," Jaemin smirked. "Get on your knees."
Both of their eyes never left you as you dropped to the ground slowly. Their bodies towered over you in the most degrading way and you loved it. You move your hands towards Jaemin's belt, undoing it all while staring up at him. His eyes were glued on you, along with Jeno's, who was undoing his belt and unzipping his pants. You tugged his pants down, allowing his hard on to spring free from the confines of the fabric.
"Shit," you whispered to yourself, staring at the size of him.
You look to your left to see Jeno was just a big, a gulp moving down your throat.
"What? You're scared," Jaemin mocked.
"Don't tell me you're a quitter Y/N," Jeno taunts, "we barely got started."
"Shut up," you grumbled. Your face grew hot, breath a little shallow as you wrapped your hand around the base of Jeno's cock, stroking it slowly as you turned to Jaemin's. Jaemin's heavily lidded eyes lingered on you, watching you as you licked the tip of his cock, staring at him with those big eyes he loved so much.
You wrapped your mouth around his head, sucking and bobbing your head slowly. The way he looked at you lit a fire in you, the fire traveling to your stomach and even lower, making you press your legs together. You lifted your mouth off him, wrapping your hand around his shaft as you turned to Jeno.
You licked up the base of his cock all the way to his tip, making the man scrunch his brows. He bit his lip, watching you close your eyes as you started to suck him off with a bit more vigor, hand moving on Jaemin at the same pace. Everything about this looked like it jumped straight out of a porno. You're still in half of your costume, Jaemin and Jeno dressed like cops with their pants to their ankles, both their cocks in your mouth.
"Good girl, keep going just like that," Jeno mumbled, hand stroking the back of your head.
The praise went right to your head and your cunt making you squeeze your legs tight. The way Jeno looked at you made you feel like he was about to eat you alive, and that's all you wanted. You pulled off of him, breathing heavily trying to catch your breath. Your hand stroked him fast as you turned to Jaemin, giving his neglected cock your attention.
You stuck your tongue out, tapping the tip on the wet muscle in the most teasing way possible. Jaemin watched you in awe as you kissed his tip softly, opening your mouth wide to take him. Jaemin licked his lips, enjoying watching you.
"Take all of it."
And you did, sinking lower and lower until all you could do was splutter around him, gagging as he hit the back of your throat. Jaemin took the back of your head, pushing you until your nose touched his skin. Eyes screwed shut, trying to be the best girl you possibly could below both of these men making you go crazy.
"Good girl," Jaemin cooed. "Take it like the slut you are."
Jaemin took his hand off your head, allowing you to rise from him. You coughed, heaving as you tried to get oxygen in your lungs but even that couldn't stop you from spitting on his cock and taking him in your mouth again. You bobbed your head, hand pumping Jeno at the same pace you had no idea how you looked but it couldn't have been anything short from a mess.
However, to the men standing above you, you looked like a wet dream. On your knees, hands on both of them, tears straining your face, drool falling from your pretty lips.
"Fuck, just look at her," Jeno grunted, thrusting into your hand slowly as you stroked him. You stopped bobbing your head, pulling his cock out your mouth and turned back to Jeno. They were both so close and you could tell. You could feel it in the way they were talking, breathing, thrusting in your mouth or hands. Jeno raked his hand through his hair, throwing his head back at the feeling of you deepthroating him, a loud groan leaving his lips.
"I'm so fucking close," Jeno moaned, the sound of his voice making you weak.
"C'mon baby, make us cum." Jaemin breathing heavily along with the male across from him, watching you with focused eyes as you removed Jeno from your mouth, not just stroking them in your hands quickly.
Looking up at them, your doe eyes shifted rapidly between them, wanting them to cum badly. "Please," you spoke with a breathy moan, voice raspy. "Cum on my fucking face."
Your voice sent them both over the edge, the pressure building up in both of them resulting in your cum landing all over your face. You stuck your tongue out, catching both of their seed swallowing and sticking it out again to show them.
"Good girl," Jaemin praised. "such a good girl. Stand up for me pretty."
You did as you were told, letting go of their cocks as you rose to your feet, knees sore from being on them too long. Jaemin pulled you to him, lips crashing on yours. Behind you, you felt Jeno's hand snake underneath you, popping the buttons of the body suit. You moaned softly, feeling his hands pull the fabric up your stomach. He traced his fingers on your ass, giving you neck slow wet kisses.
You pulled away from Jaemin, reaching back for Jeno as you felt his fingers graze your inner thighs once more.
"I let me taste you," he said, ensuing an enthusiastic nod from you. Jeno took you, sitting you on the edge of your bed followed by him sinking to his knees right in front of you. You thought about this happening more times than you'd like to admit. But now here he is, spreading your legs wide for him, eyes unable to look away from your soaked thong and slick thighs. You were a mess and don't even know.
"Fuck," Jaemin breathed. "You like being on your knees that much?" Jaemin sat next to you, stroking his semi soft cock as he watched Jeno tease you.
Jeno kissed your inner thighs, tongue grinding along your skin licking your arousal. His eyes never left yours. They pierced into yours as if they could read every thought you had at the moment. A shiver ran through your spine as you circled his tongue on your clothes clit, hand reaching up and pulling the thong against the sensitive bud.
"Perfect little pussy just for me," he mumbled to himself, pushing the fabric aside.
"God we should've done this a long time ago," Jaemin mumbled.
Jeno gave you clit one lick, making your body shudder, a sigh falling from your lips. He did it again, this time harder and longer. Jeno wrapped his arms around the underside of your legs, placing soft kisses on your cunt. Jaemin turned your head to him, locking lips with you as Jeno began to eat you out with vigorous tongue moving all over.
Jaemin kissed you deeper, tongue exploring your mouth as his hand kept pumping his cock. Jaemin pulled away, smirking to himself as he looked at your cum covered face. "So fucking pretty," he mumbled, kissing the corner of your mouth.
Your moans grew, panting heavily as Jeno sucked your clit, flicking his tongue on the bud. Looking down at him, you couldn't help but get even more turned on. His mouth was covered in your slick, tongue moving inside you like crazy. Your hips began to move on its own, grinding on his face. You always loved his nose, especially right now. His nose continued to stimulate the swollen bud as he licked at your entrance.
"Fuck Jeno, oh my God," you whimpered, pleasure amplified by Jaemin's lips on your neck.
"Is this pretty pussy gonna cum for me," he mumbled, flicking his tongue on your clit fast. Jeno removed his arm from around your leg, hand immediately making its way in-between your legs. In the blink of an eye, his fingers were inside you, fingering you hard and fast.
"Jeno, fuck just like that," you whimpered, body starting to shake from the intense pleasure. He never took his eyes off you, lips wrapping around your clit once again, sucking it hard.
"F-fuck, you're gonna make me cum." You ran your hand through his hair, gripping it tight as you pulled his face closer to your body. Just as you felt yourself about to cum, Jaemin took your chin, kissing you messily. You moaned loudly into the other male's mouth, sucking his tongue as you whined, feeling yourself cum around Jeno's fingers.
You sat there panting as Jaemin cupped your face, trying to catch your breath and whatever piece of mind was still there as Jeno moved his fingers from inside you.
"You did so good Y/N," Jeno praised, standing up between your legs. "Open your mouth for me."
You did, dropping your jaw on command. No man has ever been able to dominate you in the way that these two have, but you love it. You were fuzzy, completely fucked out. You just wanted to be a good girl for them. Jeno looked down at you, taking in the absolute mess that you were and reveled in it. The amount of times he's jerked off to this couldn't compare to being here at the moment. You were a tease and knew it. He couldn't wait to wreck you.
Jaemin watched Jeno grab your jaw and spit in your mouth, sticking his fingers coated in your cum down your throat right after. Almost like you've done this a thousand times more, you sucked his fingers, staring up at him with begging eyes.
"Fuck if I knew you were like this I would've fucked you a long time ago," Jaemin mumbled. You pulled off his fingers, nothing but a string of saliva connecting your bodies till it broke.
"I need both of you inside me," you said, face hot at the thought.
"At the same time," Jaemin questioned. Both of the men glanced at each other, silently communicating.
You nodded, gulping as you stared at them with desperate eyes. "Please.."
Jeno sighed, laughing softly to your begging. He began to unbutton his shirt, the sight of his fingers moving setting your body on fire. "God, I love it when you beg."
You turned your head, Jaemin already out of his shirt. He removed his shoes, kicking his pants and boxers off his ankles. His hands then tugged on your bodysuit taking the sheer fabric off of you as lifted your arms. Then went your bra, Jaemin sliding it off your shoulders kissing the back of your neck softly. He took his shirt, wiping the cum that covered your face off, making you sigh in relief.
"Face down ass up," Jaemin said, tone more assertive than before.
You did as you were told, arching your ass in the air watching them watch you. Their eyes burned holes in your skin, smiles taunting you as you let them feel up your body.
"Where's your lube," Jeno questioned, raising a brow.
"Third drawer."
But before Jeno even pulled it out, Jaemin had already decided he was ready. You sighed softly, feeling his soft lips on the plush of your ass, his hands kneading your body like a stress ball. Jaemin never realized how unintentionally rough he was, how strong he was and it annoyed you except for this time. Your already sensitive cunt grew even more aroused as he squeezed harder. Jaemin smacked your ass hard, making your body jump.
"Has anyone ever eaten your ass before," he asked, his voice sounding darling from behind you.
Your face goes hot, gulping as you shake your head "no."
"There's a first time for everything."
The sensation that went through your body when his tongue touched your asshole was unexpected. Maybe you were simply too horny to function, but it actually felt good. Jaemin licked your backend again, this time starting from your pussy. Unintentionally, you pushed against his face more earning a hard smack on your ass once again.
"Fuck," you whispered, brows scrunched together. His tongue swirled around the tight muscle, eliciting yet another whine from your lips. Jeno stroked his cock, watching the both of you, precum already dripping. Jaemin was as hard as a brick, precum leaking down his tip as buried his face in your body. "J-Jaemin, this feels so good."
"Yeah?" He chuckled darkly, staring at you like you were his prey. He felt your body tremble in his hands when you felt his spit slide down your ass without warning. Jaemin rubbed the pad of his thumb on your puckered hole as he reached over to grab the lube. With one hand he opened it, squeezing its contents on your body. "You sure you want this," he asked, lids heavy with desire.
"Y-yes."
Jaemin took his finger, rubbing the lube a bit more before you gasped softly, feeling his finger move past the tight muscle. The deeper and deeper he pushed his finger, the harder your hands gripped the cover of your bed. The feeling was new, completely foreign and it would definitely take time before you got used to it. Your eyes were screw shut, the discomfort of him thrusting his finger in and out of you making your back hunch and whine tiredly.
"I know it feels strange but you'll start feeling good, I promise," he said softly.
And he was right, because after some time, that fire in your belly started to come back making you pant softly against your pillow. Your body becomes more relaxed, your brain adjusting the prior discomfort to pleasure. But you wanted more, needed more.
"A-add another finger," you mumbled, making Jeno bite his lip as he watched you.
Jaemin smirked, doing as you said. You gave him the reaction he expected. He loved your pretty sounds so much they gave him goosebumps. You were right around his fingers, the pressure making his cock leak. He popped the cap of the lube open, adding more.
"You're doing so well baby. Does it feel good," he said, voice sultry and sweet.
"Mhm." You could barely form real sentences, your brain too fogged in pleasure. You found yourself arching into his fingers more and more as he fingered you slowly. Jaemin's other hand massages your ass, adding more to the pleasure swimming all over your body. The room was silent with sounds of heavy breathing and the sound of Jaemin's fingers slipping in and out of you. That was until he slipped another finger in you without warning, making you whine loudly.
"F-fuck, it's too much," you whined.
"If you can't take three fingers, you can't take my cock," he said smoothly. "Don't tell me you're quitting Y/N."
"N-no," you managed to get out.
"Good," he mumbled. "Do you think you can take Jeno and my fingers at the same time?"
You nodded, gulping hard at the image you created in your head. "Yeah," you answered breathlessly. You lifted your body weakly, letting out a tiny whine as Jaemin pulled out his fingers. Jeno climbed underneath you, his head plopping down on your pink pillow. His hands ran up and down your sides, trying to soothe your sensitive body.
"God you're so pretty," he mumbled, staring at you from below. You hadn't seen yourself since you got out of the car, but you could only assume he was lying. Your lipstick was probably smudged everywhere, mascara running along your cheeks. You were anything but pretty, but his words still made you blush. "I would put a condom on, but I have no idea where you keep those."
"I don't have any," you said blankly, just now realizing your lack of protection. "But
 I don't mind. As long as it's okay with you guys."
Jeno didn't say a word, only giving you a look like he's been dreaming of this moment. He thought about it all the time, fucking you nice and raw. The thought of having your tight cunt around him was about to make him spiral. Jeno took his cock, rubbing the tip along your slit slowly.
He grinned, watching your brows knit at the feeling. "You want me to fill you up real bad don't you," he taunted, rubbing your clit softly.
"Yes, I want you to stretch me. Please," you whined, begging for him with a hot face. You let out a breathy moan, feeling his tip slowly enter you. Jeno let your hips do the rest of the work, groaning when you fully sat on his cock. "Jeno, you're so big," you moaned, mindlessly beginning to grind on him. Your hands curled on his chest, the stretch he was giving you overstimulating your senses but you couldn't help yourself.
Suddenly, you felt two strong hands grab your hips and still them. "You're so eager you can't even wait," Jaemin said with a small laugh. He kneeled behind you, forcefully pushing your body down against Jeno, making you arch your back. That's when Jeno wrapped his arms around you keeping you still as Jaemin added more lube. You shivered feeling the cold substance on your skin, hissing as his fingers filled your asshole once again.
Your body is on fire, Jeno filling your pussy while Jaemin plays with your ass. The vulnerability of the position, the way both of their eyes burned into you as you laid there weak and unable to have a single coherent thought only turned you on even more. Jeamin pumped his fingers in you while Jeno thrusted in you slowly, the discomfort beginning to melt away as time passed. His dick was painfully hard, wanting to do nothing but ravage your body.
"You think you're ready," he said, chuckling when seeing your fucked out expression.
"Y-yes, fuck me please."
Jaemin moved closer to you, pulling his fingers out at you smoothly. Picking up the lube, he added a generous amount. You bite your lip hard looking, Jeno unwrapping his arms from around you allows you to look over your shoulder. Jaemin pressed the head of his cock against your hole, his eyes droopy in lust. Jaemin pushed the head of his cock into you, the stretch making you screw your eyes shut, nails digging into Jeno's chest.
"I love first timers," Jaemin groaned. His brows furrowed deep, gripping your hips. Very slowly, he fills you, the tightness making the three of you moan. You were in a daze, body gone completely limp and weak. You never felt so full in your life and you loved every second of it. The only thing you could do was take deep breaths, as Jaemin bottomed out inside of you. Tears pricked the edges of your eyes as you let your face fall into the crook of Jeno's neck.
"You're doing so good baby," Jeno whispered in your ear, his hands traveling to your ass, squeezing your body hard.
The action made you clench, giving both men a chill up their spines. "Fuck," you whimpered softly. "So full..t-too much.."
"Shh baby you can do it," he moaned softly, hips starting to rock into yours slowly. "Take it Y/N. Be a good girl and take it."
With every rock of his hips, it caused your body to move also, adding a slight bounce on Jeno's cock. You couldn't even compute the feeling flowing through your body. All you could do was lay there weak as they filled every part of you, drooling and moaning uncontrollably. Jeno turned your head to him, kissing you lazily as he began to thrust in and out of you slowly along with Jaemin.
Your breathing quickened, hands moving from his chest to his shoulders. "Oh my God," you whimpered tearfully. Your body was completely overstimulated, overwhelmed with lust.
"Poor baby, she's crying," Jeno said, chuckling darkly.
"Wanted both of us at the same time, but can barely handle it." Jeamin spread your cheeks further watching both his and Jeno's dick move in and out of you. "So fucking pretty and tight for me. You've been waiting for this haven't you."
Absent-mindedly, you nod, the only thing in your brain is pleasing them.
"Good girl," Jaemin said in a slight whisper. "Every time you cum from now on, I want it to be from my cock in your ass. Understand?"
"Y-yes," you said in a small groan.
"Good girl." A hard smack landed on your ass check, the pain quickly turning into pleasure. Jeno was beginning to get impatient, the feeling of Jaemin practically rubbing right against him, the tight and snug fit of the both of you quickly about to make him cum.
"Faster," you whine. "B-both of you, please." Both men obliged your pleading, watching you throw your head back, eyes rolling back while you moaned in controllably. Your hips pushed against the both of them, desperate for them to be seeing inside you.
"Such a fucking cock slut," Jeno said through gritted teeth, his hands trailing down your arched back. "You like having two dicks in you don't you?"
"Y-yes," you said, gasping, feeling a pair of fingers on your neglected clit. Looking at your bodies, you see Jeno's fingers rubbing it fast. You were nowhere near cumming, but now you felt it. You felt the pit in your stomach grow. "I'm gonna cum," you moaned, tears threatening to escape again.
"Cum on my cock." Jeno's voice sent a shockwave through you, your orgasm coming to you almost violently, body shaking, nails digging into his shoulders as you held onto him. Your pussy clenched tight around him, making you clench just as tight around Jaemin, who was pressing his fingers into your sides. For the first time in a long time, you came so hard you saw starts and it felt real fucking good.
"Fuck, you take me so well," Jeno groaned. He lost all self control after feeling you cum around him, thrust started to get fast. Jaemin matched his speed, making your already weak body slump over on the man below you. Your face was buried in his neck once again, whimpers and whines escaping.
Jaemin pounded into you as Jeno went deeper, every single movement making you see stars, your brain going fuzzy with pleasure.
Jaemin watched you sit up as best as you could, looking back watching both of them stuffing you like a doll. He took one glance at your wet face, hands gripping hips hard when the sight made his mind reel. That's when he felt himself coming closer and closer to his orgasm. Everything stimulated him quickly, the way you felt to the way you looked on top of Jeno, he was going to cum quickly.
"Fuck I'm so close," he groaned. "You want me to cum in your ass?"
"Yes, yes cum in me," you moaned weakly.
With a few more thrust, you felt Jaemin cum, his loud breathy moans filling your ears. Jaemin kept thrusting, riding out the high until he couldn't take it anymore. Slowly he pulled out of you, breathing heavily as he stared at your gaping asshole, cum slowly leaking out.
In an instant, you wanted him back inside you, missing the feeling of being full, but Jeno didn't let you miss it for too long. The man took your hips in his rough hands, holding your body up as he fucked up into you.
"J-jeno, fuck, right there," you sobbed, throwing your head back. You mustered up enough energy to bounce along with his thrust, your orgasm finally approaching for the third time that night. You squeezed around him tight, making the man moan loudly."Cum in me," you whined, holding onto his shoulders. "Fill me up."
His hands slid from your hips to your ass, squeezing so hard it was going to leave a bruise. "You like this? You like being fucked like a whore?"
"Mhm," you nodded. Desperate to reach your climax you start bouncing on him as he pounds into you. Soon enough you begin to feel your stomach tighten, on the brink of cumming. "Fuck, I-im cumming."
You came hard, body shivering on top of the male underneath you. Soon Jeno came with a loud moan, the warm liquid making your brows furrow. The three of you were exhausted, bodies completely spent– especially yours. Jeno was still inside you when you plopped down on his body, heart beating and trying to catch your breath even though you had minimal movement.
"Hey you alright," Jaemin said, poking at your back.
You didn't respond, your brain still fried from the high you just got. You laid on Jeno silently, tuning everything out.
"I think we broke her," Jeno jokes. His hands caress your waist, taking in the breaths fanning his neck. Jeno thrusted into you, earning a breathy moan.
"Too sensitive," you managed to say.
Jeno chuckled softly, kissing your cheek tenderly. "You did a good job Y/N. God you're so pretty when you cum."
"She looks like she's about to pass out," Jaemin commented, gazing at your expression.
He was right you were exhausted, horny, and one hundred percent not ready for the pain you were going to have in the morning. You gave Jeno a small whine when he pulled out of you, laying you next to him on the bed. You felt him run his hand on your side, looking at him with begging eyes as he rubbed your waist.
"You can't look at me like that and not say what you want," he mumbled, licking his lips.
"Kiss me," you said quietly, slightly pouting.
Jeno gave you a small smile, kissing you softly like you asked. "Let's get you cleaned up okay?"
Jeno stood up followed by Jaemin. Jaemin tugged your limp body to the corner of the bed, putting his arms under you to lift you up. You wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him close to your body.
"So fucking cute," he mumbled. "Wanna watch a movie later?"
You shook your head, eyes getting heavy as he carried you to the bathroom. "I just wanna take a bath and sleep."
"Okay we can work with that," Jeno agreed.
You laughed to yourself in your drowsy state, biting your lip softly. "This has officially been the best Halloween ever."
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obsessivevoidkitten · 1 year ago
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Animal Farm: Mondays
Male Yandere Harpies x Gender Neutral Reader (CW: Noncon, harpies, general yandere behavior, captive reader, spit roasting, cum in hair, aftercare, male harem, brief mention of being used as a cock sleeve by bull men.) Word Count: 500 (Here it is! I have had a solid wave of productivity lately answering old asks and now there is this, something I said I would do a long time ago. I said I would make a mini-fic/drabble with every group of monster men from my animal farm fic which can be found HERE.)
You sighed. It was early on Monday morning, the sun starting to stream into the window enough to disturb your sleep. You glared at your alarm clock and preemptively turned off the alarm that would go off at 10:00. It was 9:53. You wanted to cry. You had not fully recovered from Rory, Sev, and Bruc swapping you between them as a communal cock sleeve all day on Friday. You lamented your decision to be a monster man farmer with so many different species. You should have stuck to one or two. Oh well
 no use crying over it now. At least you started the week off easy after your weekend break. The harpy men had pretty forgiving cocks. Ugh. Was that what it had come to? Judging how not awful your day was by the brutality of the cocks you were about to encounter? You scarfed down a quick breakfast then enjoyed your last few minutes before you were swarmed by the three harpies that called your farm home, Zan, Xilra, and Elry. They all looked similar, green and blue feathers in their hair, emerald green eyes to match, dark skin, with large angel-like wings sprouting from their backs and their legs ended in the way any bird of prey’s did. Sharp. Talons. When you stepped into the aviary your watch read exactly 10:30, you weren’t giving them a second more than you were forced to. It was like your one shred of resistance, even though it didn’t really matter very much. You also were too scared to be late after what happened the one time you were. You were sniffed out and fucked. Swiftly. As soon as you stepped into the large greenhouse-like domed building, it was like a miniature forest complete with all sorts of trees and plants, you were instantly pounced upon by the three monster men. They wasted not a single second in taking off your clothes and tossing them aside on the dirt while pinning you to the wall. “Hey come on! Those were just cleeeEEEEAAAAAANNNED. H-hey!” Two of them were biting, licking and nuzzling all over your neck while the third was using his mouth between your legs. “W-w-why do we always have to start the d-daaaay like thiiiiis??” “We love you little starling~” “Yes! And we must show you!” “We haven’t been inside you for a whole week love! It was torture~” “We must make up for the lost time sweet bird.” And that they certainly did. A week's worth of the pent up libidos of three tall harpy men unloaded on you and in you within hours. They spit roast you while you were on the ground before taking you in mid air. By the end of their breeding session with you you were exhausted. And this was supposed to be the easy day. At least they let you rest afterwards, washing the cum out of your hair and off your sore body before cuddling you and petting you while they sang sweet little bird songs and praised their darling little starling~
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samkerrworshipper · 25 days ago
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the lawn is dead. pt.2
hi! i wrote a part 2! i’m on a unofficial hiatus but had some inspiration the last few days and had to finish this. hope it provides a little bit more comfort then the last chapter .. sorry xo
warnings: suicidal themes, self harm themes, themes of depression, anxiety, dark thoughts. viewer discretion advised.
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You can describe the carpet of this office better then most people can describe themselves.
It’s a rug, for the most part, except for the where it’s clear a person has chosen laziness in favour of lifting up the heavier furniture to place the rug down underneath it. Where the rug doesn’t cover, there is bleak grey carpet that feels more boring then the time you spend in this room.
Where the carpet lacks in literally everything, the rug makes up for it blindingly.
It’s a messy mixture of far too many colours, pinks, purples, blues, greens and neutrals. It doesn’t make any sense in your mind, why somebody would chose for the focal point of their room to be a rug that doesn’t match with any of the furniture. It’s another sign that the furniture came before the rug, all of the furniture is dark mahogany, beautiful pieces that look as if they’ve come from and English period piece, whereas the rug looks so modern it’s almost painful.
The rest of the furniture has been picked with similar taste.
The painting on the wall looks like what a child would vomit after going to a birthday party. Every time you’ve come here you’ve had a new analogy, but this week that is the one, it looks like stomach contents and you can’t get past it, to the point it’s made you physically nauseated.
From the painting moves onto the bookshelf, where there is a odd mix of medical textbooks, classics and selfawareness books, all stacked in such disarray that you have to keep your eyes away because it makes you uncomfortable.
Beyond the furniture is your psychologist, with her stupid fucking note pad, stupid glasses perched on the very tip of her nose and stupidly calm face that never really changed.
She was supposed to be a specialist, the best of the best, supposed to be the greatest and getting to the bottom of the most famous athletes problems and yet you found pride in alluding her.
One hour, every four days was what you were down to now, a couple of weeks ago it had been every other day and that had been fucking torture.
Sometimes all you wanted to do was rip her eyeballs out, or her brains, or something else. You swore she made your ears bleed and your will to live deteriorate with every second and it was already pretty low.
“You can’t avoid my question forever.”
It was also that annoying tone that sent you, the sort of tone that meant she knew that technically for the whole of the hour she could ask you whatever she pleased and you were technically supposed to answer her. Defiance on your end just ended up in you being suspended from something else that made your life just a tiny bit more liveable.
“No, I haven’t talked to Mapi yet.”
You’ve been avoiding it, there have bits and pieces of homework from your therapist, but this one is by far the hardest.
“How about Alexia, how does she feel about that.”
You don’t want to tell her that you and Alexia are in shambles as it is, add on the pressure of her best friend being psychologically destroyed because of you and just talking about any of it at all and it’s like dynamite.
“Supportive.”
Your therapist nods, but in the way that you know she doesn’t quite believe you.
“Have you started to reintegrate with the team? I know last time we talked you mentioned that before the incident you’d been feeling quite isolated because of your ankle injury. It’s important that you start to normalise your life again before you start to self isolate.”
You don’t call it self-isolation, you like to call it self protection. You protect yourself by pushing against the grain, by keeping to yourself. It’s a lot easier that way.
“I’ve been busy.”
It’s a lie and a blatant one, your days are filled with complete nothingness. You can’t play football, not until she clears you, and you know that it’s not going to happen anytime soon based on the trend of your current sessions. There has been the same amount of progress as there was two weeks ago when you started with her. You shut down at every attempt she makes to try and open you up, you talk when you have to. It’ll probably get you sent back to a ward. You don’t remember much from your transition from the hospital to home, but you do remember signing something that referred to you making significant process or else you would be sent back.
Progress for your therapist is getting more then two word responses from you. You’re aware she’s in kahoots with Alexia, that Alexia is probably providing her more information then you are.
“You’re giving me the look that means that you’re writing something down along the lines of ‘unncooperative’.”
She is also in kahoots with the staff at Barcelona, another thing you signed was that she would work in conjunction with the clubs doctors to get you back to where you were, or somewhere in the vicinity.
They know every time you have a bad session, you’re guaranteed a consolation call from one of the coaches or even sometimes a teammate check-in telling you how brave you are and how strong you are for doing this.
You don’t agree, you nearly took the cowards way out and you’re proud of it. You wish it had fucking worked, every single second, of every single day, you wish you’d succeeded, wished that this hadn’t all ended up how it did.
“That’s not what I wrote, I wrote a observation. Uncooperative would be you refusing to speak to me like you did for our first two sessions, even if you lie it’s still trying.”
You don’t want to be curious of her, you’ve tried to give her as little attention as possible.
You’ve adapted the act that you call, therapised you.
You do your best job of smiling here and there, or at least when you know that you’re supposed to. Therapised you extends to a few people, Alexia, coaches, physios, people on the street.
You believe you’ve become a seasoned liar.
The funniest part is that sometimes you start to believe your act, you start to believe that all the ash and embers in your chest is really alight with flames, like you’re truly alive.
But then, you would pause, sit down, lie down, dissasociate and you would be reminded that that wasn’t your body. Your body wasn’t a place of life and prosper, it was as dead as anywhere else.
“What was the observation?”
You try not to be curious over her, or curious in general, you keep everything to yourself.
“You’ve told me time and time again that you attempted because you believed that not a single person would care if you were gone. Yet you wrote a letter, you knew that somebody would care, somebody would miss you. Guilt is what kept you from doing it earlier and guilt was what kept you from vanishing without a trace. Your conscience was clean in your own words, but that’s not true, your conscience was anything but clean. So what pushed you over?”
You hate that therapists have a way of worming out weird bits of information that they can use against you to worm out more bits of information, like they know your brain inside to out.
“My conscience was clean.”
Your therapist pulls her glasses up from her nose and scribbles on her pad again.
“Why’d you write a note then, specifically why did you write a note to your ex girlfriend?”
There are so many things you could say to that, but you can’t quite find the words.
“Let me rephrase to make it easier. When you were in the hospital, and Alexia reacted so viscerally, you weren’t surprised. You expected her to feel something about what happened, you didn’t seem surprised at all by her words or actions. You knew that she was going to be hurt by what you did. So, how was your conscience truly clean?”
Thinking about Alexia in the hospital makes you feel as nauseous as the furniture does.
Your still mad at her, still mad at yourself for never changing her as your medical contact and medical proxy. It had all been a clusterfuck.
“I didn’t know Alexia was going to be there, I though that she’d washed her hands of me. I left her a note because I thought there had been things left unsaid between us and I didn’t want to leave that way.”
Your therapist nods, she doesn’t scribble this time and that makes the itchy feeling all over you die down a little bit.
“Alright, let’s move on. Your ankle injury, how’s that going?”
You look to the window, it’s a horrible day outside, just your luck when you’d chosen to walk to your therapists office on what was supposed to be a 20 degree day with sunny skies. It was the epitome of your life, high expectations, low realities.
“Well three weeks between a hospital and psychiatric facility are probably the best thing anybody can do for a injury.”
You let out a self-deprecating chuckle and your therapist does nothing but scribble.
“So you’ve been doing your rehab as advised then?”
Rehab, both kinds, is mind-bogglingly boring. You go to your therapist and she tells you all the ways you have to work to rehab your brain, she gives you medication after medication and exercise after exercise. The same happens every time you see your physio, test after test, exercise after exercise.
Your stuck in the same cycle of boredom, it makes you wonder how people ever expect you to get better when all you are doing is living in a constant state of suffering.
“The physios are happy with me, say that if I continue on the track that I am I should be back on the pitch in a few weeks, with psychological clearance.”
At the current therapeutic rate your going at, you don’t think you’ll see a psychological clearance until your 50th birthday, if you’re lucky.
“How does it feel coming back from that injury, especially considering how the decline in your physical health simulatenously resulted in the decrease in your mental health?”
You keep silent, because you know that if you talk then it’s doing to be something emotional. When you don’t know how to answer questions without exposing yourself you opt to keep quiet, it’s a obvious tell that you feel uncomfortable with the question. But giving away a tell is a whole lot better then starting an emotional downpour.
“Y/n?”
You look at your shoes. You only were allowed to start wearing one on your bad foot a week ago, and you’d forgotten how hard it was to coordinate shoes with your clothes. This morning you’d thought that they matched with your pants but now they look much darker then they truly are against the grey carpet. The mix of your navy adidas that you might have stolen from Mapi’s wardrobe a couple of months ago when she was complaining about the amount of shoes she’d been sent with your grey wide leg pants was a interesting choice but therapy wasn’t a fashion parade. The shoes don’t quite fit your feet, that’sc how you remembered they weren’t yours. When you’d taken them, it had been during some kind of team bonding night at Mapi and Ingrid’s apartment. Life had been so good, Alexia and you had been so good and for once you’d kind of felt like you were beginning to fit in.You’d never felt that way before that era of your life.
But like most things, it was now a far distant memory.
“The injury wasn’t what made me depressed.”
It’s a half truth, you suppose. Yes, the injury definitely contributed to the factors that trigger your depression, but it wasn’t a sole cause.
“I disagree.”
More scribbling on her note pad, in your opinion it must be some psychological form of torture. You’ll google it when you get home, check to make sure that this isn’t a form of manipulation to somehow convince you to say the things that she wants you to.
“If you disagree then tell me why you think that.”
It’s daring of you to say, there is nearly a 99.99 percent chance that whatever she says you are going to deny vehemently. Even if she hits it right on the nail.
“I think that you don’t give yourself enough grace for the challenges that you’ve gone through. You came to Barcelona because you were running from things, from your past. You’ve never stopped running, truly. Everytime somebody gets close enough to begin to try and worm their feet into your shoes to try and relive some of it with you, you shut them down and stop it. For most people, shoes are a means of getting to where they want, for you, you keep running because if you stop you feel like you’ll suffocate, like your feet will be wrapped up in barb wire and you’ll be stuck. For whatever reason, you don’t think anybody will ever be able to empathise with that. You think that if you ever let anybody in for long enough that they learn what you’ve been running from that they’ll try and stop you, that you’ll be faced with everything that you’ve ever struggled with. So, you keep running, and running, you’ve always been in a state of escape. With your relationship, you finally stopped running, you slowed to a jog. Then, you got injured. All of a sudden you felt like you were stuck and instead of letting yourself finally come to a stop and accepting help and complete love for once in your life, and being vulnerable. You chose to start running again, running from your friends, running from your team, running from every single good thing that you’d gotten in your life until you were so consumed with all the running that you just wanted it all to stop. But you didn’t know how to stop parts of your life without stopping other parts, so you chose to stop it all.”
You don’t know what to say for a few seconds. You’ve never had the feeling that you’ve been experiencing your whole life summed up, you don’t know how to feel about it.
You look at your psychologist, and somehow she looks back at you in a way that you somehow feel like she understands, you’ve never really felt that way about her.
It’s always felt like she’s judging you, like it’s her job to judge every single thing you say. Or at least that’s the way you’ve always seen it. It’s her job to make sure you don’t fall of the rails again, to make decisions about what you can and can’t do. It’s never been a possibility for you that maybe she’s here for a little bit more then just the business side of it all.
“Is that it? Did you come to a point where it felt like you had no other option but to just make it all stop?”
You bite your lip so hard you think it might just bleed, it’s a mission to try and stop the tears that have begun to cling to the back of your eyes at bay. You’ve never cried during a therapy session, and there is no reason why today should be different. The amount of people you’ve cried in front of is limited to a very, very short list of people and you don’t intend for your psychologist to be added.
“It would be okay if that was it. It’s okay to admit that for you at that time it felt like there was no other option but to make it all stop.”
You feel muzzled, like you can’t speak without admitting to something that you don’t want to.
“I thought it would make it all better.”
Your therapist puts down her notepad, and you feel a whole load of anxiety rush out of you.
“You thought it would make what better?”
You keep your tooth pinned to your lip, if it draws blood, it draws blood. The pain helps to take your focus off of the word vomit you can feel coming up.
“Everyone else’s lives.”
Your response is croaky, and when your therapist points to the glass of water you don’t shake your head like normal, you find yourself reaching for it and taking a few tentative sips.
“What about your life, what about making your own life better?”
You take a few more sips, because it stalls the conversation for long enough that you can think up an answer that doesn’t make it sound like you are completely insane.
“I was never really thinking about it like that.”
You look at her, eye to eye again, and there is this weird understanding between the two of you. You can feel it, whether or not it’s real, for the first time you feel like you aren’t crazy for thinking the way that you do. It’s a weird kind of safety that you’ve never had.
“For a minute, I want you to close your eyes and think about exactly what you want, whether it’s the future, it’s right now. Not football, not other people, nobody else. Just you.”
You humour her, and close your eyes.
For a few seconds, you can’t think of much. You’ve never been a future thinker, not beyond emergency plans and second options.
You think about death for a few seconds, a couple of weeks ago it was all you could think of. Permanent, irreversible disappearance. Even then though, it wasn’t what you were actually yearning for, not truly, it was just an easy solution to complex problems, problems that still haven’t been solved.
You think long and hard, and eventually you find a pleasantness.
You want to resolve things with Alexia, you know that for sure. It’s been impossible trying to navigate your relationship in your new reality. You want to get to a place where it’s less impossible. You want happiness with her, pure happiness. You also want some kind of return to football, you don’t know how. You’ve never really played football because it’s what you love, you’ve never loved your sport, it’s more been about having something that could take you places when inevitable wherever you had been was no longer an option because you’d somehow fucked it up.
You want a better relationship with yourself, you want to understand why you think the way you do and why you can’t think the same way and be the same way as everyone. You want to get past the fear you have that you will never be the same.
When you have nothing else to think about, you open your eyes, to your psychologist smiling at you.
“That’s our hour, I’m really happy to leave this here and circle back to some of it in a couple of days. The progress you’re making is definitely getting bigger and I’m happy to sign off on you getting some hours in the gym if your physios are happy with it. I’ll call the team tonight and we can work out a plan that works best.”
You’re in slight disbelief as she speaks.
“You’re sure?”
You stay seated for the sake of making sure that you haven’t somehow dreamt up what she’s just said.
“If you try and make some progress with your homework. I want you to try and talk to Mapi, a text message, coffee, something. I want you to talk to Alexia beyond her being a caregiver for you and I want you to make progress with your teammates, don’t avoid the gym if you know they are going to be there, don’t avoid team events, dip a toe in the water with them and I can guarantee you will have a very different outcome then what you think.”
Contingencies. One thing you’ve learnt about therapy is that there are always contingencies, it’s always a give and take, never one or the other.
You nod your head anyways, somehow, with her weird manipulation games you’ve managed to agree to something that the version of you from and hour ago never would have.
“I’ll try.”
Your therapist smiles and stands up, for whatever reason there is always a part of you that loves the end of your sessions but also never wants to leave.
Whether it seems like it or not, you actually do want to get better, you just don’t know what better looks like for you and that’s scary. You’ve never met the version of yourself that is ‘better’ or ‘normal’. You can’t say that you want to be your old self because there hasn’t ever been a version of yourself that feels better. You’ve always been in the slums, always been dragging yourself through the thickest mud to try and make it to the end of a day or month or year. You don’t actually want to survive like that, you want to live your life properly, or whatever non-sluggish life looks like for you.
Your still desperately trying to work that out.
Alexia is waiting in the carpark as usual, it’s always the same carpark, always the same consolation hot chocolate in her hands afterwards.
Once you’ve sat down in her passenger seat, put on your seatbelt and the takeaway cup is settled in your hands she broaches the topic of your session.
“How was it?”
There is always an awkwardness around your sessions, Alexia picks your up from every one, on the odd occasion she’ll join in if your therapist thinks it would be good. Otherwise, she spends the time sitting in her car and picking up hot drinks.
It’s infinitely awkward between the two of you, but Alexia in your opinion is mostly to blame for that.
She’d been the first person to put her hand up to be your carer, your glorified babysitter.
You know it’s a guilt thing, she feels guilty that part of your pain could have been because of her, even though you’ve insisted time and time again that it wasn’t.
“Fine.”
Therapy is a tough topic for you, mostly because you’ve never wanted to be there in the first place. You’d been tricked into going from the beginning, Alexia insisting that she was taking you to a appointment to check up on your scars when really it had been to your psychologists office. You’d yelled and screamed and insisted that she take you home, but at the end of the day if you ever wanted to play football again it was obvious you were going to have to suck it up.
You hadn’t talked to Alexia for days after that, which is funny because that was less then three weeks ago and now you’re here.
“Fine?”
You nod your head, it’s hard to find words after a normal session, but after this one it’s ever harder.
“I made some progress.”
Alexia nods, you know there are probably a hundred questions going through her head right now, but she won’t ask them. She’s too scared that if she asks them, she’ll get an answer that will terrify her. One that will restart all of the problems, even if that isn’t really how it works. Alexia doesn’t understand mental health, that’s become frighteningly obvious over the past few weeks. She doesn’t understand your struggles because she’s never experienced them. She’s never had self hatred or depression or overwhelming anxiety. It’s what makes you feel so alienated and so out of place amongst your peers. You feel like a shark amongst a sea of dolphins, like you look the same but when it comes down to it you are completely different.
“That’s good, no?”
You nod your head, disguising the grimace on your face by the mouth of the lid on your hot chocolate.
“She says I can start doing some hours in the gym.”
Alexia smiles, big and wide, like it’s her whose been given the good news.
“That’s good bebita, you’ll be on the pitch in no time.”
The pitch. It’s all Alexia cares about.
When you can be back, how she can get you to the point you can be back. Because when Alexia is injured, it’s all she cares about. What she can do to get herself back on the pitch, how she can make the rehab process faster, she thinks of every single logistic and possibility.
You want to make it back to the pitch, or you think you do. But it’s not your priority. It’s become abundantly clear that your main priority has to be yourself, figuring yourself out.
“Mhm.”
You focus your energy on counting how many bike riders pass Alexia’s car as she navigates through peak city traffic. You get to 38 before she interrupts your intense search for every person on two wheels.
“Vicky’s supposed to be coming over later, I promised I’d help her with a school project. I can go to her house instead if you’d prefer?”
Every time Alexia’s broached the topic of teammates you’ve immediately refused any contact, and your immediate reaction is to say no. but you think about what your therapist said.
“I might text Mapi and see if she wants to talk to me.”
You hear the sound of Alexia’s shock in the form of a choken sort of cough, she tries to cover it up by slapping her hand against the wheel of her car, but it doesn’t do much.
“I think that would be a really good idea, bebita, I think she would be really happy to see you.”
You don’t look at Alexia, you don’t want to see the look of perplexion or shock or whatever emotion she’s going through. You haven’t seen Mapi since the hospital, and as little as you remember from then, you remember Mapi very clearly.
She had been just as out of it as you’d been, refusing to leave your bedside but Ingrid having to do everything for her to keep her alive. Every time she visited you, she looked like she’d seen a ghost, or something worse. You weren’t sure what was worse, seeing somebody dead or seeing somebody who was hanging on the cliff of life and death and having to save their life, knowing that if action hadn’t of been taken they would be dead.
Definitely the latter.
“I’ll text her, see if she can come and pick you up before Vicky comes over?”
You nod your head, allowing yourself to focus back on counting your tally, except moving over to motorcycles this time.
You shower with the bathroom door halfway open. There are no sharps anywhere in your apartment, knives, razors, scissors, nail clippers, vegetable peelers, glasses, anything that could cause any kind of bodily harm. For now, you aren’t allowed to be left alone for longer then an hour. You sleep with your bedroom door open and Alexia sleeping in the guest room next door. You eat a set meal plan, you do two hours of rehab every single day, you live on a schedule that is so carefully planned that you have no time to yourself and yet every single moment feels lonely.
It’s a process, you’ve been told. It’s crucial to your recovery that there are measurements in place to assure your ‘success’.
Alexia knocks on your door every five minutes whilst you shower, you yell back every time.
It had become a rule after the first time you’d showered with the door open you’d made a joke about using the shower curtain to harm yourself, because what did they really expect you to be doing?
It hadn’t gone well, Alexia going silent for a few days and a very heated conversation with your psychologist about the inappropriateness of making jokes about suicide.
It was your trauma, it was your fucking story, and everyone was acting like it was their most sensitive issue.
Bathrooms are a bit of a touchy subject, you don’t shower in your ensuite bathroom anymore, you can’t. The room has permanently been blocked off, completely forgotten about.
The first thing you want to do once you’ve ‘recovered’ is leave this apartment, there are to many bad memories, it feels like you’ll never be able to recover if your stuck in the same place that you were in when it all went bad.
It’s a problem for when you can deal with the stress of packing up your whole life and moving it to somewhere.
When you shut the water off and step out of the warm stream you let yourself breathe, showers are the only real alone time you get. Everywhere else you are supervised, watched like a hawk to make sure that you don’t try anything else that could jeopardise your return to football. The reality is that Barca can’t afford to have you sit on the sideline for a whole season, they need you back, they can’t risk another slip up.
Alexia at least gives you the privacy of getting dressed in your own wardrobe, all of your wired bras have been removed, but for the most part it’s all normal.
You get dressed in another sweat suit, it’s become your new uniform over the last few weeks, no draw strings of course.
Your hair gets swept into a messy bun, it’s too much effort to deal with the brushing and braiding and tying that you would have normally gone through with a couple of weeks ago. You aren’t allowed to wear jewellery anymore so your accessories consist of pretty much nothing. You’re bare from the bones to your clothes, your soul feels as bare as the rest of your body.
You’re allowed to wear laced shoes, but you often opt not to, slip on birkenstocks or uggs are just easier. The Barcelona January chill has been getting to you recently, so you upt for your ugg boots.
Your outfit choice is the most choice you get in your day, so you try and put as little thinking into it as possible, it’s easier for you to just succumb to the reality that everything in your life is controlled by other people.
By the time you’ve finished, you’re towing very close to the time Mapi had told Alexia she’d come and meet you. You collect the things that you might need from your vanity and shove them in your pocket, before making your way out to your living room.
It’s unofficially become Alexia’s office, her laptop and books cover your dining table now. She lives out of your apartment, leaves only for training and barcelona commitments, so it’s fair to say that she’s made herself at home.
When you were living together before, it had bothered you more, having her things everywhere. Alexia is a organiser, of everything and everybody but herself. You’d spend hours telling her to pick up her shoes from random spots around the apartment floor or getting her to pick up random clothing items laying on top of pieces of furniture. This mess is different, it reflects how the situation is different. There is nothing comfortable about your predicament, it’s not the same kind of comfortable coexistence you had when you were dating Alexia.
There is a boundary between the two of you now and it makes it all so much more confusing.
Alexia isn’t just your friend or your teammate, she’s you caregiver, the person who holds you accountable, unofficially the person who is supposed to keep you from doing anything to yourself. It adds a whole layer of stress to the situation, you can’t relax around her the same way you used to.
Your relationship is never going to be the same, but parts of you wished that Alexia hadn’t taken over the burden of caring for you, because maybe the two of you could work on rebuilding yourselves as a couple instead of Alexia trying to rebuild you as a person, as if you are a broken lego set that needed to be put back together.
She spends most of her time in your living room, doesn’t push the boundary of your bedroom unless it’s needed.
She’s sat at the kitchen table, preparing herself to help with whatever project it is that Vicky needs help with.
“Shouldn’t Vicky have maybe asked one of the younger girls? You’re practically ancient now, they probably teach the kids these days history from when you were growing up.”
Whatever Alexia looks like she’s going to be helping with looks like something she’s definitely not qualified in, although Alexia’s never the person to say no.
“You’re acting like I’m a dinosaur, I’m only four years older then you.”
She rolls her eyes at you and it feels so normal, for a second you feel so much more normal. Life would be so much easier if everybody stopped treating you like a fine fucking piece of china. An eye roll here or there, a yell here or there, some kind of emotion beyond sympathy would be nice.
“I mean, in comparison to Vicky you’re pretty much from the stone ages.”
Alexia rolls her eyes again, she looks like she’s about to fight back against you but a knock at the door silences you both.
All of a sudden the little smile is gone and the air goes thick again, thick with the reminder that you can’t just exist in a bubble of nothingness were nobody else exists and you can just be free from everything.
Alexia gets up to open the door, and you let her, allowing yourself to loiter around the table and enjoy the moment for just a little bit longer. It’s that moment that might just get you through what is about to happen.
Alexia calls for you and you know it’s Mapi, you know it’s Mapi because Mapi won’t step foot in your apartment.
Ingrid had come to visit when you’d come home, along with a handful of other people, but Mapi hadn’t been one of them. Ingrid had explained that it had been to hard for her, that she’d made it to the door but couldn’t come in, and you couldn’t find it in you to blame her.
Mapi smiles at you when she sees you, it’s the first time you’ve seen her since the hospital and the both of you look very different since then.
She looks less dead, that’s the first thing you take notice of. She doesn’t look like she would blow away into a puff of smoke if a gust of wind came past. She looks good, she looks healed.
Mapi and you don’t talk, for whatever reason, you take the normal walk you would every sunday morning before it happened.
Down from your apartment, onto the main street, up to the mouth of the road, across the street and then onto the boardwalk.
It’s the main reason you chose your apartment, it’s right next to the beach. Perfect for post matchday swims and a morning walk on the beach. It used to be yours and Mapi’s pregame routine and it’s easy to fall into the rhythm of your feet moving down the sidewalk.
No words are spoken until the two of you are seated on the sand, a wordless agreement that you both come to when your toes hit the beach.
You’re both seated, your eyes looking over the horizon. Your too scared to break the silence, so you wait for Mapi.
“You look good, chica.”
You nod your head, you feel better, you must look better then how you did.
“I feel better.”
Mapi nods, when her hand reaches out to sit on top of your own on the sand, you don’t flinch away, it feels good to have a physical connection with a person who isn’t Alexia.
The silence falls over the two of you again, except this time it feels less uncomfortable. You let it linger for a little bit, before you feel in a place to speak.
“I need to say thank you. I know I said some things in the hospital, I meant it in the moment but I want to take it back now. You saved me, you did something so brave and amazing and the version of me now is so grateful that you did.”
Mapi stops your rant, before you can say something else.
“I would have done it for anybody else.”
The problem is you think, that you aren’t anybody else. It would be so much easier to give cpr to a random person on the street and never see them again, never have to be worried that you would see them again and there would be some kind of problem.
“But you did it for me. You saved me from myself, and I want you to know that I genuinely am so thankful for you. You didn’t choose the easy option and I put you in a extremely hard position. If anything had of happened to me, you would have blamed yourself and it wouldn’t have been your fault but you would have felt like it was.”
Mapi nods, and then you hear a sniffle and it makes you feel horrible.
Mapi’s crying, she’s crying and you don’t know what to do.
“You begged me to reverse it, in the hospital, you didn’t say some things. You begged me to stab you or do something. You told me it was my fault you were alive and that it was my responsibility to undo what I’d done.”
You take a deep breath, you didn’t remember it being that bad, but you remember Alexia telling you that some of the things you’d said had been unrepeatable.
“I can’t reverse what I said, in that moment I was in so much pain Maps. I actually can’t tell you how much pain i was in, all I wanted was to disappear. I’m working through not feeling that way and that starts by apologising. You did not deserve to experience what you did. You did not deserve to see what you did. You did not deserve to hear what I said to you. I am sorry. There is nothing I can say that will make any of it okay, I am sorry that for whatever reason god chose you to be the person burdened with this. I am so sorry.”
Mapi sniffles again. You knew that the possibility of no reconciliation was possible, that Mapi would reject any offer of apologies you had, you’d just really hoped it wouldn’t be like that.
“You’ve been like a little sister to me. I know you didn’t feel like we were that close, but I saw so much of me in you from when I was younger, and that was part of the reason I ended up at your apartment that night. Because I was worried, more then anybody else. I had this weird feeling, and I hated that I was right about it. You were like my little sister, and I watched as they strapped you onto a gurney and wheeled you off whilst telling me that they would try their hardest. I don’t blame you, there is no blame for something like this. But I need you to understand that I can’t just get over what I www, I’m working through it, I’m trying. My therapist has really been helping me, but it’s not going to disappear.”
You nod, Mapi and you have been through two mirroring experiences, and oddly you feel the same way about your own therapy. You’re working through it, you’re trying, but nothing that has happened is ever going to disappear, with yourself or with your peers.
“Maps, you’re allowed to experience however you want. If you never want to see me again I won’t hate you.”
Mapi shakes her head.
“I don’t know how I feel yet, I just need you to know that I understand that the you right now is different to the you from weeks ago, and you are entitled to separate yourself from that person. You don’t have to be that person if you don’t want to be. Let yourself live in the new version of you, the old version died back then.”
You bite your lip, there is beginning to become a permanent divet from your front teeth, you like it in a weird way.
“I’m trying, I’m really trying.”
Mapi nods, raising her arm from your hand, to your shoulders, bringing you into her side.
“We’ll try together then, huh? You try for me and I’ll try for you?”
You nod your head, and for the first time it doesn’t feel like you’re totally alone in the battle that you’re fighting. It’s still very much your battle, but it feels like you have somebody in your corner letting you know that you are going to be okay.
—————————————
well aware it’s not edited
 if u have an issue with that such my dick xoxo
hope you enjoyed !!!! đŸ«¶đŸ«¶đŸ«¶đŸ«¶
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aquaticmercy · 27 days ago
Text
Waste a Moment / Part 2
Summary : Bucky had always kept his distance, but seeing you get hurt on a mission changed everything. For the first time, he has a chance to start over with you.
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x avenger!reader (she/her) 
Warnings/tags : Mentions of food. Cursing. Memory loss. Head injury. Reader used to work in a museum.
Requested by :  @remoony
Word count : 2.7k 
Note : Thank you so much for all the love ya’ll! Let me know if you want to be tagged in the next part!
Series Masterlist
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“No Kin”
Monday morning.
The next couple of hours were a blur.
The harsh, sterile scent of antiseptic filled your lungs, the fluorescent lights buzzed overhead, burning a too-bright, clinical glow in your corneas. Sam's voice faded in and out, his words distant, like they were filtering through a thick fog. Everything felt disconnected, alien, as though you were drifting underwater. The reality around you belonged to someone else.
In a way, it did.
You blinked, trying to focus, but even the sharp edges of the medical bay seemed to blur at the corners. The walls seemed to close in with a claustrophobic pressure that made it hard to breathe.
You sat on the edge of the bed, staring at your hands as Sam stood in front of you. To his credit, he had been sympathetic— but he was also mourning.
He was mourning a friend he had lost in you.
Still, he tried.
He told you about the last four years—how you had left the museum to train with the Avengers after an expedition to recover a powerful object in an archeological site three years ago. He told you how you had become a hero, fighting alongside some of the world's most powerful beings. He showed you pictures of you standing side by side with the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, who you swore only knew by reputation. 
It sounded surreal, like he was describing someone else's life, not yours. 
Sam’s words drifted around you like a static charge. You nodded when you were supposed to, said the awkward yes here and there. 
Sam hesitated every other second, his gaze soft but uncertain as he searched your face for some glimmer of recognition. His voice was steady, but there was a quiet strain as he forced himself to hold it together. 
Every time you failed to react to something that should have meant something to you, you noticed the brief hurt in his eyes, quickly masked. He pushed forward, pausing longer between sentences.
Deep down, you couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t your life. You were supposed to be at the museum, curating exhibitions, setting up tours for students.
“You’re safe,” Sam had reassured. “We’re keeping you here until we know more about what happened. Until we can help you remember.”
But you couldn’t remember any of it—this life, this version of you that everyone else was all so sure of. 
Bucky had been by your bedside for days, but even looking at him made your head spin. You knew him, of course you did—everyone knew Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier, the reformed hero. 
But the way he looked at you, with so much pain and familiarity, made your stomach churn. 
Why was he so devastated? What had you meant to him?
You needed answers, and you knew you wouldn’t find them in the clean, white, sterile room they kept you in.
Monday afternoon.
As the compound grew quiet, you decided you couldn’t stay there any longer. You didn’t trust yourself, didn’t trust this world they said belonged to you. 
So you slipped out, wearing whatever clothes you could find that fit you— black jeans and a white shirt. 
As you slipped through the compound's corridors, the faint hum of security cameras buzzing overhead felt like an accusation. Your heart pounded in your chest, each beat a reminder of how wrong everything felt. The shadows wrapped around you, familiar but unsettling, your muscles tensed with a mixture of fear and instinct that you didn’t fully understand. Your hands trembled as they brushed against the cold metal doors, the sound of your shallow breaths loud in your ears, blending with the adrenaline that coursed through your veins.
Sneaking past the security measures was easier than it should have been. It made sense, the more you thought of it. The compound was made to stop people from coming in, not prevent people from getting out.
Muscle memory guided your steps, an invisible map in your head kicking in without you understanding where they had come from. You moved through the halls like a ghost, heart pounding as you made your escape.
Your destination was clear—the museum. The place where your real life had been. The place that made sense.
—
When you arrived, using the staff entrance which you knew the code to, everything was wrong.
The exhibits were slightly different, the lobby had been renovated, and even the lighting felt a bit brighter than it should’ve been. 
You wandered the halls in a daze, your breath catching in your throat as you stumbled through what felt like someone else’s reality. How could everything have changed so much in such a short time?
Four years—they said you’d lost the last four years, but it didn’t feel like four years to you. It felt like a blink. A gap you couldn’t explain.
And then you saw her— a young woman with long black hair and a suit.
Alex!
You knew Alex! She was the intern you had hired what felt like just a month ago. 
She was older than you remembered, taller, with a hint of maturity in her features. 
Alex froze for a moment, her eyes widening as though she had just seen a ghost. Her smile faltered, the shock on her face poorly hidden behind an awkward attempt at casualness. 
She whispered your name.
"I—I haven’t seen you in so long," she stammered, her voice tinged with confusion. There was a pause as the distance between you felt like it had stretched for miles.
The version of Alex you remembered, eager but shy, was worlds away from the composed woman standing in front of you. The gap between what you thought you knew and what was real now felt more disorienting with every passing second.
She gave you a sisterly hug, squeezing you tight. When she pulled back, she asked. “What are you doing here? You—”
“I work here,” you interrupted, your voice shaky, your grip on reality slipping on thin ice. “I—I hired you. Last month.”
Alex’s expression shifted to shock. “You quit. Four years ago. You left to train with the Avengers. I thought you were on some mission.”
Your heart sank.
It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. You backed up a step, your mind whirling, trying to reconcile the reality facing you with the one you remembered.
“I quit?” you whispered, more to yourself than to her.
Alex nodded slowly, confused. “Yeah, you
 you told us you had to go help save the world or something. We thought you were pretty badass, actually.”
The realisation of it hit you then, hard and fast. The truth that everyone had been telling you, the facts you had refused to believe—it was all real.
You had been gone for four years. You had left behind the life you thought was yours, and now you were standing in the ruins of what was once familiar, a stranger in your own world.
You finally believed them.
Your legs felt weak, and you reached for a nearby display case to steady yourself. The room spun around you, the shock sinking in with every beat of your heart.
You had become someone else, someone you didn’t recognise.
Tears pricked at your eyes, and you didn’t know if they were from the overwhelming grief of losing the life you thought you had or the fear of the unknown that now lie ahead you.
You looked back at Alex, who stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say.
“I—” you started, but the words wouldn’t come. How could you explain the gap in your memory? How could you make sense of a life you couldn’t remember living?
“Do you want to tell me?” Alex asked gently, sitting you down on a bench to the side of the main hall.
Alex had her hands folded in front of her, fingers tense, her eyes searching your face as if trying to read something in your expression that wasn't truly present. The familiarity in her gaze was unnerving, as though she saw something in you that you couldn’t find in yourself.
Taking a slow breath, you began. The words felt heavy, tangled in your throat, but you forced them out, piecing together the fractured shards of memory. You told her what you knew—or rather, what you didn’t. 
You spoke of waking up in the compound, of how nothing seemed to fit, the way the people around you treated you like a ghost of someone you couldn't remember being. Each sentence seemed to echo with uncertainty, the fragments of your life splintering as you said them out loud.
Alex’s face shifted as you spoke, her initial composure cracking. Her eyes grew darker with every word, her mouth tightening at the corners as she tried to hold onto the version of you she knew. Her hands trembled slightly as they unfolded, offering to hold your hand.
You watched her as you spoke, the silence between your sentences growing uncomfortable. The pain in her eyes mirrored the unease inside of you, a recognition of everything that had been lost, even if you couldn’t name it. When you finally finished, there was nothing left but the soft sound of echoes throughout the halls.
Finally, Alex shuddered, before giving you a small, sad smile. This must be so difficult for her to take in, and yet she was still here, as a friend.
“It’s okay,” she said softly. “You’re always welcome here.”
You weren’t sure if that was comforting or not, but you nodded anyway, swallowing the lump in your throat.
It was real. All of it. And now, you had no choice but to face the truth.
You weren’t the person you thought you were anymore.
—
You wandered through the museum in a haze, your footsteps echoing softly in the dimly lit corridors. It was after hours now, the building nearly silent except for the distant hum of air conditioning and the muffled sounds of your breathing. You didn’t know why you stayed, but something kept pulling you forward, drawing you deeper into the heart of the exhibits. The old, familiar halls felt like a sanctuary, a place where time had paused, even if your own life had raced ahead without you.
That’s when you found it—the World War II exhibit.
The dark wood floors and vintage lighting gave the room a nostalgic feel, a place frozen in time, just like the stories held within it. You wandered past the displays of uniforms, medals, and grainy black-and-white photographs of soldiers who had once fought for a future they believed in. Then you stopped.
Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.
His name was etched in bronze on a plaque beneath a glass display case. Besides his photograph was a set of his old military clothing, neatly arranged—his jacket, trousers, and a pair of worn boots, remnants of a life long past. 
You didn’t remember him, not really. But standing there, looking at that face, you felt a pull. Something deep and bittersweet. Something that said this man, whoever he was, mattered.
You stayed there, frozen, for what felt like hours. Trying to piece together a past that didn’t feel like yours. A life you had lived but couldn’t remember. The weight of it all pressed down on you, leaving you feeling untethered, lost.
You felt a tug in your chest as you stared at the sepia-toned image of Bucky once again—the Bucky from another time, another world. His boyish grin was a far cry from the man you’d seen at the compound, a man worn by time and experience. 
Your own breath sounded too loud in the quiet of the exhibit, and the steady thrum of your heartbeat made the walls feel closer than they were.
Then came the voice that broke the silence. Low, hesitant. “I thought I might find you here.”
You turned sharply, your pulse quickening. Bucky stood in the doorway of the exhibit, his figure half-shadowed by the dim light. His face, though calmer now, held that same unreadable look from earlier—like he was carrying something heavy, something aching. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket, as if he didn’t trust himself to move them.
“I—uh, yeah,” you stammered, the edges of your voice shaky as you tried to steady yourself.
Bucky took a few steps forward, his movements careful, as if he feared he would you. His gaze drifted to the display, lingering on the younger version of himself. For a moment, you saw something flicker in his eyes—a glimpse of the man he once was.
“You found me,” he murmured, his voice barely more than a breath.
You nodded, swallowing hard. 
When you tried to speak, your voice faltered, the words catching in your throat. Bucky didn’t seem to notice, too focused on the shadow of his past. 
“I don’t remember,” you finally whispered. The words tumbled out before you could stop it, the guilt that followed sinking deep in your chest. “I’m sorry.”
Bucky’s face didn’t change much, but you saw the slight tightening of his jaw. “It’s not your fault,” he said quietly, his voice calm, with a rough edge.
“But I should,” you said, frustration slipping into your voice. “I don’t know where I fit in any of this.”
Bucky stood beside you now, not quite close enough to touch, but close enough that you felt the warmth of his presence. He let out a slow, deliberate breath, as if he’d been holding it in since the moment he’d walked in. “I know what that’s like,” he said, his voice soft, almost too quiet. “More than you think.”
His words hung between you, and you could feel the truth he carried. He didn’t have to say more—you knew he’d been through this, lost in a world that didn’t fit him anymore.
You had lost 4 years of your life.
They took nearly a century of his.
“How did you deal with it?” you asked, your voice a fragile thread, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Bucky glanced at you, his eyes softened, but you could see the battle behind them—the countless days of grappling with the man he used to be and the man he was now. He looked back at the display, his shoulders tense. “I didn’t
 not at first. But there were people who reminded me I wasn’t alone.”
If only you knew, he thought, that one of them was you.
His words made your throat tighten. You swallowed hard, unsure of what to say. The man you were standing next to wasn’t just a stranger—he was someone who had known you, helped you, maybe even saved you. And now, you were the stranger in your own life.
You felt a lump form in your throat, your heart aching with a mix of confusion and fear. “I don’t know where to start,” you whispered. 
Bucky’s gaze softened, his voice gentle when he spoke. “You have an apartment not far from here,” he said, “Yelena and I helped you move in last year. I could take you home?”
That was kind of true. Yelena helped you move in as he silent carried the heaviest of boxes since he was the only one without a mission that day who could.
You blinked, taken aback by the sincerity in his words. “I— I don’t know if I should be alone.” You told him, not knowing if you trusted yourself enough.
“I have a spare bedroom, if you need to stay with someone for a while?” The significance of his offer hung between you, heavy and raw.
You might not remember him, and you might never get these four years back. But you’re still you, to some extent. This was the least he could do.
Maybe, maybe this was his chance to start over with you.
After all, he did promise you that when you woke up, he’d make it up to you.
You took a shaky breath, feeling a strange mixture of relief and sadness. “That sounds
 good,” you said softly, your voice trembling.
You might not remember him, but you could tell that you trusted him.
For a moment, you both stood there, the quiet of the museum wrapping around you like a fragile cocoon. The past might have been lost, but standing here, in front of Bucky’s old life and the pieces of your own forgotten history lost to the fray, you felt something solid you could finally hold on to.
-to be continued

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@florie1 @nyutasgirl @coraliix @harrysgothicbitch @jules-and-gemss
@infqnitysblog
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roseykat · 1 year ago
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TITLE: Play Bite
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PAIRING: Hyunjin x Jisung x female reader
SUMMARY: You, Hyunjin, and Jisung have a really fun time playing a dirty truth or dare game after the plans for everyone to go out failed. Part 1 to the 'Play' series.
WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSWF SKZ related content and I know I won’t be able to regulate/monitor every single potential interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.
Part 1 - Play Bite Part 2 - Play Fight Part 3 - Play Right
TAGS: Hyunjin, Jisung, and reader have all consumed alcohol but are not fully drunk, smut, kissing, hickies, making out, dirty texts, dirty talk, erotic truth or dares, use of pet names such as 'bub', 'baby' and 'pretty', swearing, food play (nothing heavy), solo orgasm, female masturbation, suggestive material, very vague mentions of choking (not emphasised), slight traces of top!Jisung.
MASTERLIST
A/N: Think of this as a prelude to this hard thought I posted a while ago. If you haven't read it, it will give you some context into what will come in the future for this type of concept. Also just to preface but not give away too many spoilers, nobody is cheating in this story.
-
“Remove one piece of clothing, socks do not count,” Jisung reads aloud from the card in his hand. 
It’s the third task into the deck of dirty truth or dare at Hyunjin's apartment. After the entire group’s plan to go out for the night fell through when it started pelting down, it was in all three of your guys’ best interests to not waste the night. So, although he invited the rest of the group over for drinks, only you and Jisung decided to go around. 
An hour later into the night and already just past the point of tipsy, the three of you progressed to playing games. A set of dirty truth or dare cards was the first thing that caught Jisung’s keen eye as he analysed the plethora of games that Hyunjin had on a shelf in his living room. 
“You’re not even wearing socks, so you have no choice,” Hyunjin chuckles, almost evilly.
Jisung dons his best thinking face, eyes narrowing as he tries to come up with which item of clothing he wants to take off. He grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls the entire fabric up and over his head before placing it beside him, careful not to knock over his drink. 
Your eyes glue to his gorgeous bare top half for a few seconds too long before averting them to the floor like you weren’t supposed to look at him. It’s not like you’ve never seen him topless before in all of his honey toned glory. Almost always will Jisung proudly walk around half naked unprovoked when you’re around him. 
“Your turn bub,” he continued.
You clear your throat then lean over to pick a card up from the middle, then read it out loud, “oh
”
“What’s it say?” Jisung peeks his head over to see what’s written down before his jaw unhinges. “Let the person to your left select an area of your body for them to give you a hickey. Wow.”
Hyunjin, to your left, stares back at you in shock and horror. His cheeks were ballooned and full of liquid after taking a large swig of his drink before setting it down. The more silent seconds that tick by, the more flips his stomach keeps doing. But, he had to expect the unexpected with this game.
You and Jisung were ready to play by the rules and Hyunjin wasn’t going to exempt himself from it just because of the card you pulled. 
He swallows the mouthful of alcohol, “alright. Are you okay with me doing this?”
You nod even though you can feel your heart picking up its pace, “I am.”
He takes your answer and runs with it then ponders on the best place to plant a hickey on your body. It doesn’t take him long to think of a number of unspoken places where he would and even though he’s tipsy enough to disclose those areas, he decides to keep that to himself. 
“Okay, can you lie down for me then?” He asks. 
“Lie down?”
“Mm, otherwise it might be awkward to reach,” he explains vaguely. 
You start jumping to conclusions at the instant you hear his request, yet your mind is so hazy that your body just ends up listening to what Hyunjin has asked of you instead. You end up lying back on the floor, your head next to Jisung’s thigh who looks down at you while Hyunjin moves. 
His long body straddles yours but not fully putting his weight down on you. With his hand, he pulls back some of your hair so he can reach the area he wants before gently tilting your chin up and to the side towards Jisung. 
Hyunjin then sinks his face down just to the side of your throat and sucks. For a second, your body squirms at the slight achy pang that he brings to the surface of your skin. Still, with the way that your body is buzzing, it undoubtedly feels amazing. He remains there for a few seconds and uses his tongue to swipe over the surface he just marked.  
Jisung watches with his mouth ajar. He takes in the contorted look of concentration on your face, the way your eyelids flutter closed. 
It’s not long after until Hyunjin peels himself off of you then takes your hand to help you sit back up again. In hindsight, you wonder if it was all but necessary to lie down for him in order to give you a hickey. But Hyunjin’s thinking was that to reach your throat, you had to be on the ground. 
“That might’ve been-“ his face contorts with worry just looking at the fresh, deep and reddish mark. “A bit much, sorry.”
“It’s fine,” you respond, trying to act cool under the pressure. “It felt nice anyway. Okay, Hyunnie’s turn.” 
He draws another card, reading it in his mind before his eyes dart to Jisung, “make out
with the person beside you for one minute.”
“W-Which side?” You ask. 
“My left which is-“
“Me,” Jisung responds, pointing at his chest. “Alright then.”
Hyunjin stares blankly at his friend, unsure if he's joking or not, “wait, you’re
you’re serious?”
Jisung shifts his body closer to Hyunjin, his face nearing him, “that’s the game right?”
“Y-Yeah,” he replies sheepishly. “Yeah, okay then.”
“I can set a timer,” you announce.
He’s never done this before - kissed a friend, made out with a friend. For one, Hyunjin knows Jisung has done so multiple times, having been an impartial witness to it. Whether it was while Jisung was drunk, sober, high, it happened. Even with the same gender. 
“Alright,” you say, pulling out your phone as you go to the clock app to set a timer for one minute and place it on the ground. “3, 2, 1, go.”
You’re not sure who it was first that leaned in for the kiss after being so warped by the fact that they were even doing this. It was like Hyunjin offered his mouth and Jisung went for the kill. Both of them started off slowly by the time ten seconds hit. Twenty seconds in and Hyunjin’s hand comes up to the side of his friends’ face when the kiss deepens even further. 
You watch the glide of their tongues move so languidly with one another, doing unspeakable things in between your legs. Similar to Jisung’s reaction when Hyunjin gave you a hickey, your mouth was on the floor. There’s no way in hell could you ignore how hot it was to see them make out. 
After forty seconds, the pace had picked up a notch as they continued to move in sync with one another. Jisung’s hand had made it onto Hyunjin’s lap with some unintentional plan of slowly hiking up his thigh. In his mind, the more touch, the better. He already felt floaty because of the alcohol. Now Jisung touching him, kissing him, was an enhancement. 
At the mark of one minute, your phone rudely blares its alarm. Hyunjin pulls away with red lips, Jisung’s as equally as glossy as the other. They stall for a second, almost as if they briefly thought about going back at it again

“Minho was right,” Jisung breaks the silence willingly. “You are a pretty good kisser.”
“What?” Hyunjin exclaims, his eyes almost popping out of his head. 
“What?” He whines. “He and I were trying to figure out who in the group would be the best kisser. Minho reckons you are.”
“You say that as if you’ve kissed everyone in the group to try and find that out,” You realise. 
“Well I just kissed him, so it’s everyone except for you now. Which there’s still time for since it’s my turn now,” he responds in a slightly hopeful tone and picks up his next card. “Huh, maybe not - what’s the most amount of times you’ve had sex in one day?” 
“Is that the first truth question?” Hyunjin points out, trying to subtly keep himself calm after what just went down with Jisung. 
“I think so,” you reply. “We’re nowhere near halfway through the deck.” 
“Three and a half,” Jisung answers. 
“And a half?” You and Hyunjin parrot in unison, the confusion very present in both of your tones.
“Halfway through the act, got caught, had to wrap it up and leave,” Jisung explains very succinctly. “It would’ve been four if it weren’t for fucking Seungmin. Doesn’t matter, it’s not like I’m holding a grudge or anything.”
“Sure,” you trail off, trying your best not to laugh at his misfortune while you go to pick up a card. “Uh, lend your phone to the person on your right and let them send a dirty text to someone in your contacts.”
Jisung claps excitedly, “hand it over baby!” 
You roll your eyes, reluctantly passing him your device, “anyone except my family otherwise I probably won’t live to see another day.” 
He takes your phone earnestly with a cheeky and devious expression before delving righteously into your contacts list, “don’t worry, I wouldn’t do anything like that.”
Jisung’s thumb scrolls excitedly trying to find the right person to send the right message to. He pauses over a couple of names and then finds one he thinks will give the most entertaining response. He creates a new message and types in what he wants to say.  
From You: I’m horny. Come over and fuck me.
The silence was palpable as the fate of your dignity rests in your friends’ hands. Once the message is sent, Jisung keeps your phone on standby while you all wait for the response. The sheer riskiness of the dare calls for you to pick up your drink and finish the rest off, knowing that you’re going to need it. 
“What did you write?” You ask him anyway, setting your empty glass aside. 
He looks smugly at the screen again and repeats what he created, “I’m horny, come over and fuck me.”
Your eyes widen in horror, “t-that’s not
who did you send that to!?”
“That’s a bit straightforward isn’t it?” Hyunjin laughs. 
“Doesn’t matter now, your turn, go,” Jisung nods to you.
“Fine,” you groan, snatching up a card. “How many times a day do you get off? Once, maybe twice. Done. Next, you go.” 
Hyunjin blinks in surprise at the information you so rapidly provided and leans into the circle to grab his card, “alright. Choose one person to sit in between your legs for the remainder of the game.” 
“I think considering that he and I just made out, it’s your turn to do something now,” Jisung smoothly contends his point before you could even get a word out. 
“Fair enough,” you respond coolly.
The move is practically childsplay in comparison to what they’ve done so far. Nonetheless, it quickly proved itself to be rather effective on your body. 
Hyunjin tries not to grin and spreads his legs for you to slot perfectly in between them. You’ve been this close to him before - in a hug at least. But never has Hyunjin been as acutely intimate with you as of right now. As he’s pressed up behind you, it’s hopeless to try not to be so affected by such subtlety. The warmth from his body glows like a heater onto your back and the steadiness of his breathing is comforting. 
“Sungie’s turn,” he says from behind you. 
Another card is taken from the deck and Jisung reads once more, “feed someone a food item with your mouth. Okay, but what kind of food?” 
“There’s that bowl of grapes just there on the coffee table,” Hyunjin points over to it. 
Jisung spins around on the floor and sees the assortment of snacks that they had laid out on the table earlier on. He turns back with the entire silver bowl in his lap, popping a couple of them in his mouth and eating away to his heart's content before proceeding with the dare. 
“You’re breathing heavy,” Hyunjin whispers teasingly in your ear while Jisung isn’t looking. 
“S-Shut up,” you utter back to him, trying not to act so utterly embarrassed by the truth he’s managed to highlight. 
Jisung pops in two more grapes and goes to sit beside you before talking with his mouth full, “bo’ o’ ya.”
“Huh?” Hyunjin retorts, trying to decipher what his friend is saying. 
You ponder for a second, “I think he said both of us?” 
Your guess comes up as correct because without a proper verbal answer from Jisung, his actions spoke louder. He leans towards your face first - closer than it has ever been since you’ve known him. The purple grape sits between his teeth as he goes to pass it to you by his mouth. It was awkward to manoeuvre at first, but the pair of you discovered that using your lips is key. By that point, Jisung manages to exchange the fruit as you crush down on the grape that explodes with such a sweet flavour. 
Then, he moves a bit behind you to reach Hyunjin. Both of them struggle to pass the grape without fully touching each other's lips once more. Then again, that was the point of the card that Jisung pulled. 
“Yummy?” he asks, sliding back to his original spot with the bowl. 
“Mm,” Hyunjin hums while he chews. “Sweet.” 
Half of the stuff that you’ve done so far with them makes you realise that you’re not that nervous to do these kinds of things. It could’ve been the alcohol, that definitely helps. But also because they’re two of your best friends and wherever they are, you feel safe in their proximity. 
“My turn,” you say as Jisung picks the top card off of the deck and slides it to you across the floor. “Oh - same as Sungie’s, remove a piece of clothing, socks do not count. Isn’t this just a forfeit card since it’s already been picked up?”
“No, not necessarily?” Hyunjin answers. “Plus, what if you forfeit that one and pick another one but it’s worse?”
He had a good point. It was a very mellow dare in comparison to the others you’ve all completed. With that in mind, your hands find their way down to your shorts, contemplating whether to take them off or not. Considering Jisung already has his top off, you went for the opposite in a sudden spur of confidence that was short lived when you saw the look on your friend's face. 
Jisung’s eyes couldn’t leave where your hands moved as you freed your legs from the fabric, allowing you to remain in your underwear. However, it becomes very apparent to you that taking your pants off wasn’t such a good idea when you know that you’re wet. Whether they knew it, particularly Jisung who had a full view of you, was too late. 
Behind you, Hyunjin was trying to keep himself calm as you moved around a bit, “w-who’s turn is it now?” 
Jumping onto a different topic gave time for Jisung to blink away from your body. He feels guilty for even staring at you like that in the first place. Then again, it’s not like you weren’t doing the same ever since he took his shirt off. 
“Yours actually,” you answer and without any spatial awareness whatsoever, you lean forward just a bit to pick up a card for Hyunjin that your ass slightly pushes back into his crotch in the process. 
After the fact of the matter, you realise what you’ve done. But it wasn’t intentional. You just wanted to pick up a card for him so that he didn’t have to move from behind you. As you come back to sit between his legs properly, you feel his forehead rest against the back of your head - a silent sign to prove he definitely recognised what you did to him.
Although he didn’t say anything because what was there to say to that? In hindsight, it might’ve been better forJisung to just read it out for Hyunjin. 
“H-Here,” you offer the card to him, playing it off. 
He lifts his head back up from yours and takes the item, “what is your dirtiest fantasy and why?” 
Right now if Hyunjin was able to answer honestly, he would say ‘fucking you while his best friend watches.’ But even for a filthy game that they’re playing, he thought it would be inappropriate to say. On top of that, it’s not actually his dirtiest fantasy. He could do way worse but just doesn’t know what at this point in time in his sex life. There was still time for him to explore

“I haven’t really got one at the moment,” says Hyunjin. “I suppose just real
rough sex.” 
Jisung immediately becomes intrigued, oblivious to the fact that Hyunjin had it in him to admit such a scandalous piece of information, “what does that mean to you though?”
He becomes even more flustered under the heat of his friends’ question, it doesn’t help that he’s nearly fully hard behind you either, “it means things like
choking or hair pulling-”
“What
you like to do those things or those things being done to yo-
“Both, I like both. Anyway, that’s not the question,” Hyunjin interrupts impatiently. “Just move on.” 
It’s difficult for you not to laugh at him, yet as you go to pick up a card - more carefully this time for Hyunjin’s sake - your smile fades quicker than you could blink. Not one doubt crossed your mind about how obscene this game could get. Yet this card refuted all of that. 
“I
get
get yourself off in front of someone,” you mumble in a very quiet voice.
“Get what?” Jisung tries to reiterate. 
Hyunjin’s brows knit in concentration as he reads the card from over your shoulder, “she has to get herself in front of someone.”
An ‘o’ forms in Jisung’s mouth before he responds to that statement, “that’s a
an interesting card.” 
The three of you fall deathly silent to the weight that the dare has you under. Your mind wants you to do it, to satiate that instinctual appetite to pleasure yourself ever since the game heated up. To do so in front of your friends doesn’t appear to be a bad idea which technically it isn’t from the way they already have you unintentionally wet. That in itself said a lot.
Therefore, you spread your legs and bend your knees. 
An expression of realisation washes over Jisung, coming to grips with what’s about to unfold. As for Hyunjin, he can only sit and remain in place as a support for you to lean against when your hand slips down the front of your underwear as you begin to rub. A sigh of warm relief then pushes past your lips. The pads of your fingers collect your damp essence to use as you circle over your clit. 
Already, a hefty volume of pressure is escalating in the pit of your tummy, tingling and spreading throughout your lower half. All from being turned on by the game. The person in front of you and behind you feel the exact same way except the one behind you was already there a long time ago. Their cocks fill out against the inside of their thighs and Hyunjin is positive that you can feel him through his pants. 
“Y/N,” Jisung says. “Does that make you feel good?”
“Jisung,” Hyunjin warns him sharply, not wanting his friend to fuel the fire that’s burning. 
“Mm, y-yes,” you stutter, breath catching at the base of your throat the more you try and push yourself towards an edge. 
It could be better though. It could be the pair of them groping and teasing your body at their will. You know that they both know how to use their mouths with the way that they made out earlier on. Not to mention from the grapevine, you’ve heard about Jisung too; how he knows how to eat pussy. Then you have Hyunjin, who just exposed his fantasy of liking having rough sex. The possibilities with his ideas would be endless and fun. 
With the pair of them, you don’t think you would ever run out of orgasms. Just thinking about it makes your fingers speed up, becoming increasingly more wetter. Your muscles jerk every now and then when you inch closer to the tail end of your orgasm, which causes you to unintentionally move against Hyunjin’s crotch once more. 
“Y/N,” Hyunjin breathes out against you. 
“Don’t touch her,” Jisung snaps. “This is her dare.”
“I-I’m not fucking touching her,” he presses back madly, then mutters just to himself as he hides behind you. “Can’t help it Jisung.”
“K-Keep watching
” you plead. “So
close.” 
Hyunjin’s nails are digging deep into the carpet beneath him and his restraint not to touch you teeters dangerously on the last millimetre of a cliff. He’s throbbing, achingly hard. For you. Jisung can see his friends' knuckles turning white but he understands. He too remains hard in his sweats, which was obvious to you. Even just the slight outline that you can see indicates to you that he’s big.
Your mind starts wondering what that sort of length would do to your body, how would it feel to have inside of you? As you ask yourself those questions, you try to imagine that sensation when you start fingering yourself. 
You whimper pathetically, curling over that sweet spongy spot, “yes, feels so good. Makes me wanna cum
” 
“Yeah? Gonna cum in front of us?” Jisung eggs you on. “Gonna make yourself cum just for us?
Your dozy eyes lock with him just for a few seconds before you nod against Hyunjin’s body, “j-just for you both.” 
“F-Fuck,” Hyunjin squeezes his eyes tight shut, gritting his teeth so much that his jaw aches. 
As that familiar euphoric bliss catches up to you, a silent scream paints over your face while your eyelids clamp shut and your eyebrows are furrowed together, focusing on the pleasure. For a moment, you’ve forgotten that Hyunjin is behind you as you can’t help but shiver helplessly against his body from the waves of your orgasm. Quiet yet very audible moans ring throughout Hyunjin’s apartment, making themselves known as you gradually come down with heavy gasps. 
“Holy shit,” Jisung murmurs in awe, he can see that you’ve soaked through your underwear. 
The large wet and sticky patch makes him want to lurch forward, tear the piece of clothing from your body and taste you for himself. To have his face buried in between your legs would be the Atlantis of his own fantasy right now, to have you use his mouth and tongue until you’re cumming all over again. 
In the moments of quiet when the still air is filled with nothing but your staggered breathing and depleted whimpers as you try to collect yourself, your phone buzzes on Jisung’s thigh - the reply to the dirty text he sent from earlier on.
He looks down at the glowing bright screen and his jaw drops to the floor once more. His mind sobers quickly.
From Chan to You: Again? Still horny from this morning? Alright then, I can come over and give you what you need x
There was no way.
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