natelm2nd
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Nate, he/him, guide dog Neptune DFTBA! Current interests include; Critical Role, natural history, fantasy/sci-fi video games, learning to be a better home cook.
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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Read this & be mindful of those partaking in Ramadan.
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constellation's ages (estimated)
i've been playing this game since preload day and over time i've come up with estimates for how old each member of constellation is. these are based partially on math using info they give you and partially on how old they look and act
sarah: 43 years old. she was in the UC navy for 20 years and if we assume she enlisted at 18, that makes her 38 when she left after the colony wars. i think she does mention how long she's been in leadership at one point, i want to say 5 years. adjusting for margin of error, that makes her around 43 years old give or take
sam: 38 years old. this is solely based on the "you're flying in the face of my thirty-plus years of experience with the man" line which initially landed me at 35. he looks a little older than that though so i rounded up to 38. he's definitely younger than sarah based on how they interact
andreja: 27 to 30 years old. as far as i know we don't learn much if anything about her past, so this is almost a complete guess. she looks rather young but clearly possesses a maturity beyond that of, say, a 25 year old. i think the oldest she could be is early 30s but she seems closer to 27/28 to me
barrett: 56 years old. i always see him in my head as looking older than he actually does but he also seems like someone who's older than he looks. i'd say he's a particularly spry mid-50s goofball but the youngest he could be in my opinion is late 40s
matteo: 20 to 23 years old, definitely around my age or younger. he's full of youthful enthusiasm and talks openly about supporting his parents. he's a little naive but still extremely smart and introspective, which puts him around college age to me. possibly 19 at the youngest but i think he is over 20
walter: 72 years old. definitely older than he looks but anything in the 60s feels too low for him. most ethical billionaire in gaming. which isn't saying much but at least he's passionate and would rather be at constellation than dealing with his company. his scheming trophy wife takes care of all that. retiree behavior
vladimir: 65 years old. also older than he looks which makes sense because he's essentially a bodybuilder by the time you meet him. had a loooong history as a pirate and also seems to have been retired from that for quite a while. he's definitely older than barrett in my opinion, also refers to himself as an old man while asking you to check on andreja. older people tend to call themselves old before they actually reach the age society deems as "old" (70s) so it's likely that he's in his 60s
i for one appreciate the wide age variation. i loved how many choices there were in fallout 4 but it's nice to have a range of all walks of life
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I think he might be part emu
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wishing scam accounts a very GO FUCK YOURSELF but especially the ones who start? Tagging RANDOM ACCOUNTS?! Posting with random tags? Fuck off.
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to me the appeal of pathetic vampires is similar to the appeal of stupid cats. you have the teeth and claws to rip through flesh to your heart's content, but here you are. paw stuck to a quilt. staring woefully with eyes the size of saucers to get someone to help. same goes for a vampire failing miserably to use a touchscreen because his fingers are too cold.
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shout out to everyone who participated in the january-february mass depressive episode
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@i--ihavemoney there are hedgehogs named sam and dean at the Philadelphia zoo.
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5,000 more notes I summon thee!
I love how here on tumblr dot website we regularly cast the greatest curse we can muster on each other by pointing our long creepy fingers and intoning "10,000 notes" in a voice that carries the winds of the mountain with it.
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This guy raised an abandoned moose calf with his Horses, and believe it or not, he has trained it for lumber removal and other hauling tasks. Given the 2,000 pounds of robust muscle, and the splayed, grippy hooves, he claims it is the best work animal he has. He says the secret to keeping the moose around is a sweet salt lick, although, during the rut he disappears for a couple of weeks, but always comes home…. Impressive !! MINNESOTA CLYDESDALE
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every ad is a personal insult to everyone who sees it and i’m not kidding
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A parody of better homes and gardens titled Better Gnomes and Martens. Several gnomes and martens (ferret shaped long mammals) are pictured
too tired to draw, just tired enough to not be allowed near a computer
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Crokas has the ORB OF AVALIR!!!!
From Patia!!!!
#you gave Killer Krock the Wizard Orb#Absolute Trilogy right here#We'd be Doomed if Ludinus got this#cr spoilers#exu divergence#exu spoilers
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you know even if a homeless person or a starving person is in that position because of their own "bad decisions" i don't care. it doesn't matter. no supposed financial misstep is enough to condemn someone to homelessness or poverty.
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See, the thing is, Dragon Age lore has always been given to the player second-hand, complete with the biases, lies, and misunderstandings of whomever is telling the tale. So whatever we have learned through codexes, character interactions, and even supplementary materials like the World of Thedas books come with a certain level of uncertainty that prompts the reader to think “how trustworthy is this source?”
And, most of the time, the answer is “not very trustworthy.”
In Origins we get the character of Brother Genetivi, whose writings are codexes in the following games. He’s a fantasy medieval historian/monk, and his reliability is at about the same level as real world medieval historian/monks. How accurate do you consider the works of the Venerable Bede?
The entire game of Dragon Age 2 is as-told-by Varric Tethras, a known liar, to Seeker of Truth Cassandra, who occasionally calls bullshit when she knows he’s lying. Do we think she was able to find every inaccuracy in his story? Or did some things slip by her?
A main theme of Inquisition is that it doesn’t matter whether the player character believes in the Maker or whether they are truly Andraste’s chosen, history will remember them that way in any case. This is reinforced by the Jaws of Hakkon DLC where you meet the previous Inquisitor, and learn that most of what history has remembered about him is wrong. What other characters have had their stories told by others? What changes would the story-tellers make?
In the Inquisition DLC, Trespasser, the Inquisitor’s former companion, Solas, is revealed to be the ancient elven god of lies & trickery, Fen’Harel. An Inquisitor who romanced him can accuse him of lying to them, to which he replies “only by omission.” Do we think it is possible that he is generalizing, or just lying about whether he was lying, or perhaps only speaking of things he neglected to tell them within the context of their romantic relationship?
Does this one line mean he should be considered a more trustworthy source than any other in the games?
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Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views
Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:
That is not what a happy gator looks like.
That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.
Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.
Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)
So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!
Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.
How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!
Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.
For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?
Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.
By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.
Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:
It is doing a threat display.
It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.
It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)
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It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.
There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.
In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.
It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)
Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator
So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.
Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)
Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.
As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.
Why Should I Listen To You?
Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?
Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!
But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.
Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:
Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets
The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt
Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk
Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet
Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang
Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)
Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson
Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul
Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.
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