#also this isnt a story about something like this it's just an adult with their full chest going IM ATTRACTED TO A CHILD

[weaponsdrawn]

HI i just remembered to respond to this FUCK ok so

I MASSIVELY AGREE with the binjpipe takes. i think ETS was good/iconic if only because it was so like. JARRING in a good way. but it was so lighting in a bottle tbh, and like u said it isnt rlly good horror. only rlly shocking if ur actually attached to cookie, which ppl are. cookie gets replaced by an AI tried to be ETS all over again, and it wasnt, and it kinda rlly showed, like you said, how they shine best with comedy. also I FULLY AGREE. fuck, im pretty sure its one of the reasons ive just grown tired of jackbox by now, both me and my gf (we met thru shared jackbox love), its bc every time binjpipe happened we were just like "THIS SHIT AGAIN?????" like it just made any sort of investment in it or hopes of cookie getting better just. feel so fucking moot. why bother getting invested if its just constantly going to get dragged back up. the "evil streaming service" joke is dead. its BEYOND dead. we havent even heard of the binjlady anymore. its lost any sort of omnious buildup. to me binjpipe's appeal was that it clearly wasnt going to last long. it was a nightmare that was just going to keep on ramping up until it crashed and burned horrendously, and fuck thats SO cool to consider and write about. but they keep dragging it out, and now its just sad. its boring. fucking. selling adult films?? give me a break.

ok about the party packs, HONESTLY SAME. like idk the writing is what really gets me about it tbh. i guess theyre good party games (tho i can get bored really fast, save for roomerang, and even so thats mostly bc of the goofyness of the responses), but YEAH youre so right. like idk if its because theyre ALSO doing the international translations but ithink it goes with the fact that the hosts severely lack character. when its like for some games, its ok if they dont have character (quixort), but its like that means theres A BALANCE. pack 8, ok? games like job job and weapons drawn, that CALLS for the hosts having character because its putting you in a situation WHERE the host is an active part of that situation. its like "wow im really in funny office" or "wow im really doing a murder!!!" right now, yknow? Push the Button, DODE was her own character and had noteworthy quips and she was a vital part of the games story/framing device! todd is iconic bc hes such a chill internet guy and then he sends you to hell! felicia is all morbidly romantic bc youre on a MONSTER DATING SHOW. a lot of the games stand out BECAUSE of the unique situations ur in that envoke unique prompts/unique gameplay, meanwhile something like fixytext? i dont know SHIT about the host. and its kind of a shame that the cannon jackbox lesbian host we have is SO FUCKING BORING GOD. most i can get is that shes introverted, but i gen cant tell if its genuine, if its some kind of "akward bacon unicorn moment! #millenial" type shit, what the fuck even really IS Fixytext at the end of the day. what makes it more than google docs shitposting simulator. its such a fucking shame, esp for the TENTH PACK. like god maybe they rlly do need to take a hiatus bc the change in. writing quality is. idk it just didnt help my dropping fixtation i'll say that.

also wait FR????? JESUS CHRIST thats actually a shame, i wanted to try and play that game!!! (namely bc funny objectum) and like. the ONE naughty pack exclusive host and we get NOTHING about her. i dont even like the fucking conch shell design im sorry. jackbox crew yall are great but how in this green unholy earth do you expect ppl to draw and remember your designs when your hosts are so. flat. fuck, mayonnaise, fucking M BUBZ, is more memorable than nickolas kranrker whatever and dr nanners and jerri, i cant tell you a SINGLE thing about jerri tbh. its such a shame. i want to love these guys i really do but theres nothing that endears them to me.

tbh if they end up not doing anything for ydkj it'll be funny in a kinda sad way tbh. on the one hand it'd BE nice on the other hand yeah its been nothing since full stream, eh. could they even do a YDKJ anymore? i remember once upon a time there was all this hype/discussion of a "ride 2" where the only real roadblock was that buzz's VA has well moved on from voice acting i think, but ppl had ideas for giving him a new voice, maybe even making it a transgender reason, all this stuff. this was like a couple of years back. but its like god i'd be shocked if they even remember guy exists at this point. or nate. hes sorta got a chance given his VA is literally a core part of the crew.

also i getcha. glad i could offer a space to let ya vent like that lawl

roomerang completely fucking fumbled with giving rue any sort of character we could've had a fun host we could've had that snark we could've had ANYTHING to match the sheer amount of swag in her design but we got BASICALLY NOTHING/very vague hints of character ("I'm beside myself... and I look good!" And "dramaaaa!!! :3") which is CRUMBS compared to even the most one note hosts like glargan o'toe or civic doodle's hosts and as petty as it sounds it's kinda the reason I fell out of love with current jackbox </3

.

[iwaasfairy]

please don’t send me asks about anyone in high school in sexual situations (or younger istfg)

I’m not ever gonna write high schoolers or high school gojo or nothin. thank you

[thedevotionaltour]

30 year olds online will really go i'm attracted to and in love with this fictional six year old and then manage to be shocked when people go that's fucking weird and gross to be honest. like what are you hoping for someone to say can i ask

[dollfat]

giving into the [outlander] peer pressure and deciding opal moved to the city after leaving the wilderness. probably around age 13.

her and her mom took whatever shitty jobs they could, usually physically demanding and not always legal. neither were especially good at socializing and opal was overwhelmed by all the people and noise. she still thinks of the Outlands as her home.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

JOHN: if you normalized something (non-awful) because your family did it and then realized it was not, in fact, normal or remotely common, i would love to hear about it. i'll start.

JOHN: the villain in my bedtime stories was always the president of the home owner's association and i was sooooo confused when no one else had heard of him.

JANE: When I was a kid, my dad and I would play that game at the playground where the kid stays up on the climbing structure and the adult stays on the ground to chase the kid. Usually the adult is like a monster or a lava monster, or something. But my dad always pretended to be George Bush?

JOHN: OKAY?

ROSE: My mom never let me roll down the windshield when we were on highways, because, and I quote, "the car is goign so fast tht the wind can topple cars". And I just... never questioned it until years later. Turns out she just didn't like the noise.

DAVE: oh yknow that game grown ups do with young children where they chase you around and go "oh youre so cute i could eat you up! im gonna eat ya!" that kind of thing

DAVE: ok well when my bro did that i used to go "no you wont you love me. also im your only brother"

DAVE: then my bro would go really silent and tell me that actually No i had another older sibling that he cannibalized. i only survived because i was a cute baby and he waited too long and i got too big to fit in the pot anymore

DAVE: and it would make me really angry because i knew he was lying but i had no way to prove it and he thought it was the funniest thing ever

DAVE: anyway i only found out in school when i was trying for a "lol so relatable" type of joke with my friends that apparently being told your whole life that you had a dead middle sibling that my bro cannibalized isnt a common thing that other families also do

JOHN: ...dude,

[ganondoodle]

since i have seen this argument pop up again and again and now its used to defend the minecraft movie

i really hate the argument that something, be it a movie or a game, can be as shitty as it wants when its primarily aimed at kids (or people THINK it is aimed mostly at kids) bc its 'just for kids'

like children are lesser an stupid? like they arent incredibly impressionable and deserve good movies? im not saying they should only watch critical acclaimed drama movies, but you can make a movie 'for kids' AND make it good, its been done before, sure there will always be shit movies, and thats fine, but dismissing any kind of criticism towards them bc "its just for kids" feels so unecessarily mean spirited towards children, like they are little people in wildly different stages of development!! they can think too!!

'kids' itself is such a wide range that i feel its not very useful as a category anyway, a 5 year old isnt the same as an 11 year old, both of them should get good things, and both can watch or play things they may not completely understand yet! i grew up with shrek, and while a big parody and haha fart humor movie, they (1+2) have an incredibly strong core, i didnt udnerstand them fully when i was little, so what? i still enjoyed them, i felt more connected to them than any disney movie (bc hey .. the monster is the main guy and no they dont all turn into conventionally pretty humans as the ultimate reward- i felt othered throughout my life too) and i still do, theres jokes and themes and meaning i understood fully only when i was rewatching them as an adult, i still enjoy them even at 27

and like, shouldnt it ESPECIALLY matter what children watch? (not in the puritan brain worm way) bc they are ... people in development?? do you think if they just sit down and watch shitty movies and play games that dont challenge them at all, be it thinking critically or emotionally, all day it wont have an affect on them??

(im sorry to bring up totk again, but that 'its for kids' argument has been used to defend it so much too, and its so incredibly annoying to me, ah yes, its puzzles are all skippable or easy as shit bc its main target are kids and children are stupid and shouldnt be challenged ever, the story is a simple fairytale type deal maybe to you, but contains alot of harmful stereotypes that have led to real world harm and its repeated unquestionably while offering nothing intersting to think or engage with, theres a reason alot of childrens media contains alot of stereotypes to propaganda even but its just for kids of course its not propaganda bc kids are stupid and cant understand that lol BECAUSE they are so impressionable, if a series 'for kids' only lets the girls be in frilly pink dresses and do 'girly' stuff do you not think that wil affect how they think about themselves??

if they keep seeing the light skinned blonde heroe stab the unquestioned evil arab stereotype bc he wants to take over your holy land bc hes just 'evil' and is never ever humanized in any way and only presented as a monster, while the good little maiden princess does everything she can to support her hero in shiny armor with big sad doe eyes and pretty little white dress- do you not think it will affect them? if it were an isolated incidence perhaps not much, but its a stereotype perpetuated to such a degree that you think its just 'how fairytales go'? yeah, you have been influenced by these portrayals, they are working as intented- and if they are used as such in media without the writer intending to influence you that way? thats even worse bc it means it has been so normalized to think that way people dont even realize it- while alot of real people in the world are ganondorf, they are demonized and dehumanized, others think of them as inherently evil.. but its just a "simple fairytale"

yes i know children can also question things on their own, but you shouldnt assume that comes naturally and then also in just the correct way, i questioned why i was just doing whatever the talking boat told me to do when i first played windwaker as a kid, but more bc i liked how ganondorf looked and hated being told things to do without a good reason being given (autism much?), 'evil' didnt do it for me, but that doesnt mean i knew he was an evil arab stereotype, i didnt like tetra turning white as zelda, bc i thought she looked cooler before and i didnt like 'girly' things myself, not bc i knew it was whitewashing

-not saying media should be free of anything 'problematic', the problem is how its presented and never questioned or engaged with critically and then that stupid argument being used to dismiss it like children are both unable to think and not influencable somehow-)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

too many teens whining for validation, this blog needs more weird and stupid so...

AITA for kidnapping my friend and trapping her in the cheesebarn?

Hear me out:

The story starts about a week before my (20 at the time ftm) 21st birthday. If you live in the US you know this isnt just some lame 7th birthday or 36th birthday, this is one of the big boy birthdays, the special ones. Its when you can legal buy alcohol and are therefore truly an adult in the eyes of the law.

Naturally my friends (20s) wanted to do something Big for our 21sts. So they asked me what i wanted to do and i said i didnt really care as long as I got a road trip somewhere with friends.

Everyone thought it was a fun idea but it was a little short notice for everyone to get time off from work, but my other friend we will call C also had her 21st exactly a month after mine to the day, and the two of us agreed to share our 21sts and not do much of anything on my actual birthday. This is important, bc it was a SHARED birthday road trip.

I agree to let C pick the destination and I provide the car. We didnt have much of a plan as we were going to meet up with C's old roommate who lives in the city we picked to show us a good time.

It was 5 of us total and about a 7 hour drive altogether there with not a whole lot on the way there. We get to the city she picked and meet the roommate and honestly the rest of this part is just standard 21st birthday shenanigans. Its when we start the drive home things really start.

Remember its a long drive with not much to see? Well that was a lie. On our way back we see it, the Real "Happiest Place on Earth" as far as places with a mouse for a mascot go:

Grandpa's.

Fuckin'.

Cheesebarn.

Obviously me and the other people on the trip want to stop and see the magic, but unfucking fortunately C happens to be the only Basic White Girl ™️ in the entire world who hates cheese and isnt even lactose intolerant. This girl is notorious for making "petty" and "I hate Cheese" her entire personality. She would constantly make faces and gagging noises and talk about how gross and nasty cheese is if you so much as eat a grilt cheese near her.

Clearly she made it known that she wasnt on board with it. "NO! FUCK YOU ALL IM NOT GOING TO A PLACE CALLED A CHEESEBARN ON MY BIRTHDAY!!" were her exact words.

But i remembered i was driving, it was my car, and it was supposed to be my birthday too. So I put it to a vote. "Raise your hand if you wanna go to Grandpa's Cheesebarn!"

All hands raise but one. With C out voted we head to the cheesebarn.

Guys. This place is amazing. Its obviously making cheese its main draw, but yhere's so much more, its every shitty midwest tourist trap rolled into one glorious place. There's even a chocolate shop. We even got C's roommate to ditch work and come meet us bc shr heard "Grandpa's Cheesebarn" and knew she had to drop everything.

All in all a good visit, C even seemed like she had fun once we got there (she sure spent $300 on candies and dip mixes anyway). We go home. Things seem fine.

Then C drops off the face of the earth.

She wont respond to our calls or texts and at first we thought maybe she was giing through a rough patch or something and try to just keep reaching out but give her space. But then we find out that not only is she still hanging our with our other friends who couldnt make the trip with us. So clearly she's just pissed at us about something.

Finally one day a few months later i catch her at her job and just tell her "I dont care if you hate us, we'll never speak to you again if you dont want us to, but what the hell did we do to you??"

And she just looked me over and says "Well. You kidnapped me."

lolwut

And she yells (bc this girl loves yelling at people) "YOU KIDNAPPED ME AND TRAPPED ME AT A CHEESEBARN ON. MY. BIRTHDAY!!!!!"

And i just said "Well it was my birthday too," and havent spoken to her since. Its been over a decade and "No ragrets" as we said back in the day, but uts baffled me for years that that was her reaction. "Im just over you guys" i can understand, and its not like she was shy about telling people she hates them and their out of her life ever before. And from what i ended up hearing from our other friends she kept talking with it really was about the cheesebarn and how we "ruined her birthday".

No but srsly AITA??? For making her go to a cheesebarn???

What are these acronyms?

[silvervinewine]

Hii! I saw ur reqs are open!! :D if its ok can I request dottore (+segments) relationship hcs?

DOTTORE (+SEGMENTS) RELATIONSHIP HC

introductions were short and brief, a simple hello before you got to work alongside him, or the multiple hims. (very confusing to digest at the very start)

an assistant, supposedly an easy job for just about anyone. but it isnt just anyone youre working for, its a harbinger and his multiple freaky clones, come on !

being dragged off to help fairly younger versions of him with their experiments of dubious ethical values, being careful as to do your best.

one wrong move and youll end up in the cleaners, great job prospect for you !! surprisingly enough though, they accept you in their circle.

compared to the older versions of him, the younger segments are less guarded... and more carefree. you joke around with em, you bring them gifts and they happily accept em.

you talk to em and slowly but surely they start revealin parts of their history. fast movin experiments, considerable murders and lotsa studying within the academiya was what they told you about.

you accepted them for them with a little hesistance, but still do. and to their delight (?), not very clear they come to seek for you. yearn is silent within all dotttore variants, but mutual respect becomes one sided puppy love.

dumb crushes and the ruse they put up, being in love.. they did not realize you were also a scholar, one with a little more sense of social awareness. soon enough you cracked open their supposedly top secret plot.

their eagerness and surprising acceptance leads you to work with some of the older clones. a challenging next step for you.

blunt and close guarded, thats whats you came to know the few late adult clones as.

engaging in conversation which would lead to laughter and giggles with the young adult variants quickly fell on deaf ears.

you became used to ignoring and being ignored, and you came to miss the younger guys, repeatedly seeking them out.

using your lunch break to talk to the younger bunch, some of them really liked you some of then merely respected you and that was normal within their little society.

talking and lunching, before being found out by the superiors. it was your lunch break, you were mortal and you needed to eat but the segments didnt.

fighting back and through persuasive means you managed to lure a few older clones, little by little.

sweet dinners lit by the firelight and you were able to seduce a couple of older clones into talking, they told you about their plights and you listened.

touchstarved and unloved were the segments, and you could change that. you could. brushing hands and sitting a little closer before ultimately hugging them.

definetly the begginning of the end, and in little to no time did you have an older segment in your lap resting while you ran your fingers across their hair.

then there were two, then three segments, then four, and eight and more. all competing for affection, all yearnin for something they hadnt experienced.

one day IL DOTTORE stepped in though, the real deal, the doctor.

heard of all the talk from within the grapevine, a distraction and there could be no distractions for the segments.

they were an extension of him, carefully crafted to do their individual jobs. careful workers, guarded and alone. a part of his conciousness, and he knew he was indeed guarded and he had no need for any romantic nuisances around.

stepping into a room to find upwards of 4 segments all curled around you as you read a story. this was not bound to happen, not bound to when they needed to work.

he shooes them away, brushing them off before demanding you at once worked directly with him. whisking you away to a far away laboratory.

the doctor himself was cold, cold and harsh with everyone around him. yet with careful consideration, you managed to find the man within him.

soft bribes with the best pastries and careful hugs and caresses and he was under your spell, geez did he come to love you.

you promised him you would stay by his side, keep him company and suddenly a good part of his years looked better than before.

a gruff man, he knew himself to be cold and calculated but you threw him haywire somehow. he didnt know what could be.

until he did, he came to realize you loved him and from there on he didnt let go.

one step at a time, and slowly but surely you entered a state of relationship. a state of pure lovesick bliss.

whether it was romantic dinner dates or soft picnics, he loved it.

he came to tell you bits n pieces of his past and you held him all throughout, holding his face and kissing it gently much to his dismay (pleasure actually, but he wouldnt ever admit that).

as long as you were beside him, he was down.

you loved him and he loved you, and that was a given. even though he was cold and a bit egocentric, he still loved you n only you.

(A/N not proof read or spelling checked or grammae checked, sorey if this isnt what you qanted kinda went off the deep end geez )

[autismcatboy]

i hear the sunspot is a story about being human first, disabled second and a bl third. it doesnt flow like a bl and has very brief moments of romance because its not intended to be read/watched a romance.

the mangaka did not write it as a BL because she herself wasnt even familiar with it as a genre until after she started publishing. she was writing a story that just happens to also feature queer romance.

the live drama is not going to end with them getting together. its an adaption of just one series within the story and even at the most current series, they only barely got together.

the story is not unrealistic in how it handles communication (or lack thereof). its a lot easier to judge characters (and people in real life) when you think you have all the pieces, but the reality is we know very little about how others truly feel and when you have a lot going on and pulling you in different directions, its hard to know it yourself.

continued below the cut, spoiler free.

taichi and kohei are busy adults. between work/school, family and personal health, they dont have a lot of free time. many people dont have ways to contact friends they made in school because usually, you just see each other and dont think about exchanging contact information until later.

exchanging contact information is a bigger step to take in japan compared to places like the us. taichi uses a flip phone until hes pushed to get a smartphone after it breaks. data plans are expensive and many are selective about when and how they use them, and chatting apps like line are usually the main form of communication method. many people in the us dont like to give out their number or social media (which is also a feature of line) to people they know, like coworkers or classmates.

theres some pretty big assumptions about japanese culture and what its like to be a young adult by fans watching the drama that, in my opinion, just arent realistic. you're thinking like a bl fan and not like what people actually do in real life.

i hear the sunspot is a story about navigating the awkward, the hardships, fumbling and coming to terms with the things we may not like about ourselves. this isnt just about being disabled. able bodied, fully healthy people have things they dont like, push off and ignore. we see this in taichi, and how he continues to push that hes happy, nothing is wrong, he's just a big goofball and doesn't have anything below the surface and a lot of you have fallen for it.

relationships rarely go "we met, we fell in love, and now we are together and everything is perfect with only mild and entertaining drama." in fact id say they almost never do. people get scared to get close to other people, people dont think about if their feelings are romantic love or not when theyve never considered they might be gay. people get busy and distract themselves from addressing the things theyre not ready to look at and understand. all of these things happen much more often and often subconsciously, too.

people are mean and bullheaded when they feel like their comfort zone is threatened. people *run* when they feel like their status quo might change and they dont know what that will look like.

its easy to say someone is being ridiculous when you dont have their full story or dont stop to consider their circumstances. will it be different from how you'd react? absolutely. you lived a different life and had different experiences shape who you are.

but its equally as ridiculous to assume you know exactly how you'd react better than someone in their situation. no one is perfect, and definitely not 20 something year olds figuring out how to be adults after tough moments completely changed their childhoods. your early 20s, especially, is about thinking youre an adult and realizing just how little you know about adulthood. its easy to look back on when i was taichi and kohei's ages and say "oh there is a /lot/ that i fucked up with and couldve done better".

i hear the sunspot is about being human. the mistakes, the drama, the pain and the laughter. it happens to also have a gay love story but its not written to *be* a gay love story or even to be any love story in the first place.

if youre not willing to wait, and consider all the troubles that come before and during their relationship, this is not the story for you. save yourself the time, its got a long way to go. maybe come back in a few more years and see if the story resonates differently.

theyre not going to dive right into a relationship when they still barely know themselves.

[malevolententity]

cradling the qsmp fandom by its face

i need you all to remember that they arent killing off all the ccs and eggs. in the first like 2 months of the server maxo was shown being MURDERED with a death screen and he woke up a week later in a federation hospital being told he was saved from death. 3 months into the server abuloier was also turbo murdered. and woke up in a federation hospital saved again from certain death. your streamers who didnt make it to the boat are not getting banned. some have said for meta they wanted a tiny break from minecraft and are using the nuke as that TINY break. the roleplayers who were ""left behind"" will most likely come back with some roleplay reason on how they were saved. the non roleplayers will just be back no fanfare whenever they log back in. please i am begging you to have some trust in the admins. the ADMINS have not burned us. the admins are not dickheads. the fictional federation are dickheads Please stop treating them as the same malicious entity.

perma banning half the server wouldnt feel satisfying to the creators. this is a project about collaborative storytelling. killing and then banning players without their consent is bad roleplay etiquette. if anyone besides maxo is revealed to be perma dead its because they the creator said they wanted to leave the project. Please remember that these people are friendly with each other off stream and the admins are working to help make the most entertaining story for the creators who are playing if something isnt working for the players they will tell the admins to ease up and/or what their limits are.

please remember that everyone on the server is an adult who can and do advocate for themselves if they think something can use improvement. have a little trust that friends will speak to friends if something isnt working

[darlinguistics]

'its just IMPOSSIBLE to not be addicted to your phone nowadays its UNREALISTIC-'

heres some advice to being less chronically online. for gen z (and younger??) who dont even know how to start thinking about it and have only heard shitty advice from older adults who just genuinely do not get it, from a fellow gen z and my experiences so far.

*these are personal and may not all 100% resonate but its still good prompting to start thinking about things! PLEASE feel free to add your own stories/advice in the notes! support your fellow humans, dont gatekeep what youve learned, lets have these conversations! and no negativity/pessimism please <3

first thing is to make it a less scary thought, a more concrete idea and not a hypothetical. it doesnt have to be all-or-nothing, cold turkey, a huge announcement and a fundamental shift in your personality. the internet will be in your life for the rest of your life, this is an ongoing relationship you are trying to make healthier thats all! and it takes one step at a time and some self-compassion, but a true effort nonetheless. 'dont you think thats a bit too serious-' if youre my age you quite literally grew up and developed online, it is literally part of your psyche the way your childhood is, it IS serious, you deserve to treat it seriously.

dont save your login info/dont stay logged in for social media accounts, having to manually log in when you want to go on like youre on some elementary school chrome book is a really healthy and clear boundary to have between being logged off and logged on.

-> bigger challenge - uninstall it on your phone in general, only log on on your laptop/pc if applicable for you!

if youre motivated to, try to work on your posture too. i only say that because most of our bad posture is at least partially related to being on our phones a lot, and when i started wanting to fix my posture, completely separately and unrelated from trying to break my phone addiction, it made it easier to lose interest in my phone since i didnt want to ruin my progress with my posture. it made me start to have a mindset like 'well if you cant do this on your phone with good posture then dont do it' and 'if youre on your phone so long your posture starts to cave in, youve probably spent too long on your phone anyway'

listen to music more. its easier for me to kinda write off my phone and do other things if i just open music or a podcast or long youtube video on it. i know we all love long video essays, but i recommend music more specifically for me at least because im less inclined to pause music or scroll while listening to it for some reason? whereas using a show or video or podcast for white noise, im way more likely to also be scrolling on my phone and that is my activity lol. music for some reason i dont want to interrupt and instead of being on my phone i can clean or do something productive on my computer etc

this one is sooo hard but try to fall asleep with some distance between you and your phone, even just a couple feet. mine stays on the desk next to my bed which isnt that far but its better than on bed like it used to be. when you wake up you probably wont feel like reaching for it right away if its far and even better if you have to get up for it because then at least you stand and move your body first thing instead of looking at your phone first thing. and try to get more and more of your morning routine done before touching your phone over time.

-> for me, i started by just trying to at least wake up a bit in bed before touching it, then stand up before touching it, then stand and stretch, then going to the bathroom first, making coffee first, feeding the cat first, etc. its surprisingly helpful to have a specific chore/task in mind that is The requirement so that everytime you do it you get a lil dopamine rush for unlocking your phone from yourself lmao. when the weather was nice i used to make my Requirement being outside first before going on it and i LOVED that. esp as it got easier and i started doing more and more before going on it and finally walking outside with coffee and my phone felt like such a pleasant little reward.

find a hobby that uses your hands. example: i really need to get back into knitting because when i did it regularly so much time that wouldve been on my phone was spent knitting with music/podcasts/shows/(even online lectures! when i felt productive lol) playing. its the same amount of physical relaxing - barely moving lol - but uses a longer attention span and a much better dopamine hit than scrolling, i literally MADE things.

-> you might be thinking, 'but mindless knitting isnt better than mindless scrolling is it?' but that mindless feeling on your phone is just that, mindless. the mindless feeling you get when doing something like knitting is actually closer to a flow state, which is actually incredibly good for you, like a fulfilling nutritious meal as opposed to 'empty calories' or whatever

get a widget for your homescreen that shows your screen time. i have one and of course it doesnt always stop me but seeing that time go up all day the more i use it and the pride of keeping it low is really helpful

practice grounding. in general.

spend more time on anonymous activities and have more privacy and less attachment with your 'persona' - what i mean by that is, i consider things like scrolling through tumblr (for me personally!) to be relatively harmless because i dont try to like,, brand myself here. if youre a tumblr regular you know the jokes - 0 follows, 0 notes, screaming to the void, moots you dont talk to, blorbo pfp and urls, fake names everywhere, and we're having fun! basically targeting the 'everyone is famous now' thing with this one - embrace being a nobody with no personal stakes here

-> personally ive never kept up with having social media accounts that are actually just, me irl - like a facebook or main instagram, like a locals account yknow? but i think it goes for that too - stop spending so much time trying to further personalize your online presence in the hopes of it representing you perfectly - because it never will, and it shouldnt, and you shouldnt aspire for that. your social media presence is lighthearted and incredibly surface-level, treat it like that! thats not me bashing social media either, having that mindset will make it more enjoyable bc youll be using it as it should be used!

do following/followers or camera roll/files or app purges. this is also a soft launch type of way to practice easing into a better mindset. aside from just literally getting rid of junk, the process of trying to judge whether or not you need something is good practice in mindfulness! even if you dont delete everything you feel like you maybe should, thats fine, youll do other purges in the future too. eventually youll get better at parting with things and realizing when things that feel good in a moment are actually bad for you. and it forces you to regularly check in on your more long-lasting parasocial relationships online and how theyre serving you or not

speaking of parasocial - for actual friends, if theyre irl, think about how much you interact with them online vs in person and why you think that is and how it affects you. maybe youll wanna see them more irl if possible (i promise its better for your friendship), maybe youll realize you dont need to keep tabs on them anymore (old high school acquaintances lookin at you). for celebrities and fandom things - try to think about the bare minimum content from them you could do with. you dont have to unstan all your faves and stop enjoying things - but do you need their notifications on? do you need to have a stan account? do you need them on all the platforms? do you need to have all that saved content of them? are there aspects of this that you love that could be found elsewhere?

if youre of the genre of online where you just cant help yourself from getting involved in big discussions or discourse and arguments - i recommend journaling when you get upset by something online, articulating your feelings without the idea of someone ever reading it and without the goal of 'winning' or being the most correct and logical or even the most sympathetic and morally good. take away every audience aspect of it. what is this really about for you, and why would strangers online deserve to hear your personal well-thought out opinions? why would your thoughts deserve to be simplified and misconstrued and underappreciated the way they would be in this discussion? is there even an outcome to this where you feel truly satisfied? are their people who are more worthy of hearing your thoughts who arent part of this audience? is this a conversation that is best held online where so much communicative nuance is inevitably sacrificed?

in the end these are all just practices in remembering how in control you are. and that goes for if any of these are scary or too difficult sounding too! these all become less scary if you remember that as soon as anything becomes too uncomfortable or painful, you have all the power to stop doing it, make a change, and try again later. so much of advice for quitting bad habits can be intimidating because the pressure and the shame that would come from failing scares you out of the possible benefits of trying - just go ahead and kill that shame from the jump. of course youre going to fail! you are going to have setbacks! thats part of it! you have agency in this, always. the internet is not inherently or completely evil nor good. build trust in yourself to make the calls on when it is serving you and when it isnt on a case-by-case basis, and then give yourself permission to learn through trial and error.

and remember you are worth all of this effort. i believe in us <3

[ch3rryb0mb3rr]

Tldr; please put warnings on smut and have it below the cut and stop sexualizing minors in media. Especially if they just came out of middle school thats weird. Write what you want but tag and put warnings when needed.

--

I get so pissed when im going to read something about my favorite character, and it's smut WITH ZERO WARNING.

No 18+, no NSFW, no MDNI and it isnt even in the fucking tags. I dont wanna read that shit. Put the damned warnings there for the love of all that is green on this earth it takes two seconds. maybe a bit more, but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure porn, I think you can handle a couple of tags and warnings

I am a minor, and i use those warnings, so I dont read straight-up porn!! I also dont need to read about incest accidentally because there was NO warning, and it was NOT in the tags!!

(And for those of you who do put warnings, i thank you and wish the best in life!)

(I am also well aware that a lot of people dont listen to dnis like that, but it's helpful for the people trying to avoid reading stuff like that)

Also, while im on the subject, let's not sexualize minors in media. Yeah their hot, i can see that. But i dont want to see the start of an NSFW alphabet for a 15/16 year old. Aged up my ass. Just put the beginning below the cut?? And not after the first four letters??

I do NOT need to know a fav characters preferred body part is the tits thank you very much. I definitely do not need to accidentally read that they wanna suck on it like a damned bottle.

--

'This character as your friend is soo perverted he wants to steal ur panties hehehe' NO HE DOESNT. HE'S A TEENAGER AND LIKES CATS. TF?? theres adults in the majority of the show that are reasonably attractive. Write that shit about them.

'Oh, they have this list of kinks,' and its shit only someone who has read hardcore smut would have. They are 16 and most probably haven't had sex because the creator cant give them a fucking break from trauma.

'He would be soooo toxic and blahblahblah [insert romanticised assault and abuse and trauma]' NO. that boy is my age and is a nerd. Motherfucker wants to study at princeton and has absolutely no flirting ability. You're only saying that because he's black, most of that shit reeks of racism.

--

These characters are kids, CHILDREN, and you as an adult (if you are one) should not be writing smut about them, aged up or not. You should not be thirsting over a sophmore when theres PLENTY of good looking adults that you can be.

Theres a difference in growing up liking a character and having a crush on them and growing out of it when you're an adult. And being an adult thirsting over a teenage boy. It's not cute. it's not 'oh, it's fine because he/she's not real'.

Its really fucking gross actually.

--

At the end of the day just tag your stuff correctly. That way its easier for everyone else to find EXACTLY what they wanna read. Because at this point im just gonna start reporting fics with no warnings at the beginning.

Someome younger than me with no parents looking through their devices could stumble on that, and not know what it means, read it, and be scarred for life.

I was reading that stuff way way way too earlier and its fucked up my mental state a bit so if we collectively start putting in the effort to help prevent this from happening to another 11 year old or younger than we should do so.

--

Start gatekeeping fandoms like creepypasta from young kids, start tagging shit correctly

Another child does not need to end up somewhat hypersexul with very violent intrusive thoughts by the time they hit high school because their parents wouldn't look out for them, and the fandom did NOTHING to try to prevent it.

Its not your job to parent the kid, and to look over their should. Thats not what im saying.

It IS your job to, again, tag shit correctly, put warnings for gore, bluring violent images, saying outright that a certain game/book/story/etc your recommending is NOT for kids due to its violent nature/sexual content/etc. Reporting accounts of children under the age limit for social media (i.e., a 10 year old with discord or instagram) (it is breaking the T.O.S)

Act like that one lgbtq+ chat room website I was on for a couple weeks where all the adults kinda looked out for me a bit. And supported me figuring out who I was and collectively riped a guy to shreds after I blasted him at a failed attempt to groom me. (And told me I had done exactly the right thing in this situation. Also, hi, if you know who I am from there!!!) (Story time if ya'll want I look back and think its the funniest thing ever how I dealt with him 💀)

[sassykinzonline]

sometimes its actually alarming HOW uncritically the naruto fandom looks at the text like because something isnt "shown" in canon/on-screen (it usually is, but just implicitly) people think it means it couldnt have happened and therefore making sweeping statements about the character like "theyre just weak" or "they make no sense"

as usual im going to focus on naruto (😌) heres an example but it applies to many others (itachi, gaara, neji, hinata,...me)

here are some things we know about naruto:

he is inexplicably talented at taijutsu despite having no mentor

he created sexy jutsu for attention from older men (he craves a father figure)

he is rather repulsed by affection aside from certain people

he relies on shadow clones to outnumber his enemies and protect him from damage, as well as acting like diversions (he only later on seems to learn to use them practically as well, and he doesnt use them as an actual team iirc)

he represses his memories and life severely if they cause him distress or negative emotion, and when he doesnt do that it causes him to lose complete control of himself in anger

some of these things are basic signs of a child who has been abused in multiple ways (particularly verbally, physically, and sexually), but also just logically how is it possible that naruto became proficient at taijutsu when he didnt train with anyone and had no teacher to correct him? why would it be important to naruto to have, what are essentially, human shields? why does naruto freely tolerate physical abuse he receives while others openly complain about it? why would that lead to naruto eventually wanting to defend/protect everyone in tandom with ANOTHER orphan who feels the same? why would WE not be able to have a clear directly depicted answer to this as a reader?

idk to me personally there are a lot of things people say are "headcanons" are just things they logically put together based on subtext, and theres a reason why a vast majority of people who read the same text come to the same conclusion. it seems like this is a lot less common in manga form (i dont read manga so i wouldnt know, i understand different mediums have different communication norms but some things are just literary basics), so its the first time ive encountered this "why does everyone believe in [some idea not said in plain english]? it's never said anywhere!" logic...it doesnt need to be. there are certain clues and patterns youre supposed to be able to draw conclusions for based on common life experiences (archetypes/universal symbols).

if you can do these above steps and come to a conclusion, and a plurality of people come to the same conclusion, it was probably intentional on the author's part. if the author explicitly states its not intentional, then sure, but that doesnt take away from how/why the story is impactful because the author may not even realize theyre doing it. an easy example i can think of is tsunade's fear of blood, where its meant to symbolize death, but in her case also ends up symbolizing love wrt her relationships with naruto and jiraiya. and thanks to blood gaining this symbolism through tsunade, when you see uchiha tears of blood, you instantly make those same connections. then you think back to gaara screaming about having never seen his blood (coming from his forehead where that tattoo of his is......), then the eventual resolution of that being an inversion of the symbolism the manga establishes when he battles his father during the war.

more than anything though i find it kind of concerning that adults sit around laughing at obviously what is meant to be traumatic. as if there arent people in your life who sit around with these same experiences and signs, with something they havent told you about because theyre afraid youll laugh at them.

[sunleaf-sims]

headcanon yapping

omg i LOVE all the lore and story in this expansion!

i love that the sims have set relationships, likes and dislikes and everything

i love that olive dislikes rocket science which feels like a hint back to the beakers! it got me so inspireddd

my headcanon is that olive had passed away like in ts2 strange town

as she was a ghost and finding a path to reincarnation, one of the beakers’ experiments went badly and actually killed Nervous (it sort of killed him/put him in a state of undeath)

the accident was somewhat visually noticable to the neighbourhood and the energy used ticked off olive in her ghost form which led her to investigate and find out nervous was with the beakers all along (after being taken by “services” which in my headcanon were actually people paid by the beakers because they correctly hypothesised that nervous was part human part grim..reaper/otherworldly. )

as the beakers were working on trying to resurrect nervous through further experiments, olive sought out grim and with his help managed to reincarnate and killed the beakers, pleading to grimm to spare nervous, which was delayed and not normally something you could do but because of their unique circumstance grimm did so, shepherding nervous’ stuck soul back into his body

but due to the various experiments and shock he sustained rendering him “dead”/undead for days, his memories would be even more fragmented, if not gone for the most part

olive used an elixir of youth on nervous in a sort of…somewhat misguided motherly wish to give him back the childhood that hed lost, to live it with her once more

but due to the boundless experiments hed been through and working up tolerances it all but took a few years off, resulting in him being a late teen (17 ish) vs being a very young adult as i envisioned him before

because of the murder on the beakers, olive took off with nervous, to a specific little place that grimm told her about where he could keep an eye on them better than anywhere else (ravenwood)

now he goes by Nyon again which was his original na,e, and he only has vague memories like bad nightmares of odd experiments, dark nights and sinister intentions >:)

olive definitely isnt over her old ways though

edit: my headcanon is also that Nyon wants to be a writer because its somewhat of a remnant of his life in ts2. i envision that he spent a lot of time having to write notes on how he feels, writing being one of the only things he could just do all the time and was allowed to journal and doodle. he spent a lot of time making up stories and worlds in his head (mood) and theres still like an echo of that, thats with him! 🧡

[blakefate1356]

Hime Azami

okay as promised we're back at it with the mew mew power..... sort of XD here's Hime Azami Hime technically isnt a mew mew... but hime was the original mew mew all at the same time. basically hime was originally the main character and the manga was actually meant to be more adult and less cat girl magic. then it became a bit softer more magical girl and then ichigo was added and then 4 other girls and then eventually i guess hime was scrapped and instead emerged mew mew power. interestingly enough a lot of Hime's design is alike or the same as ichigo's which i find really nice... like hime got to live on in another way even if here story never really came out into the world. there's actually also a small section dedicated to hime in the manga's with a snippit of what her story was gonna be and then in another book a small piece about how she came to be along side a picture of a certain mystery mouse girl who as far as i know was never named. anyway thanks for checking in today. the post was a little later than intended as i decided to take a break at one point and went for a walk with my dog. then i came back and decided to play ball with her for a bit and actually ended up throwing her ball on the roof XD (it's happened before ^^') well anyway i was meant to clean up the drains some weeks ago but never got around to it and figured since i had to get on the roof for the doggo toys anyway i may as well and so i did. after that we ended up sweeping the outdoor staircase (cleaning off the muck from the drains) and i thought i still had plenty time when i was finally back at my desk but then i was done with the flat colours and the time was nearing in on post time ^^' i debated posting it with just the flats but was like "no i wanna finish it" so i took some extra time to finish it. i played around with it a little trying something out with the shading. on the original 6 i was following this rule of colouring and shading them the way the manga/anime did and while it was fun i felt like it lacked some depth which was fine for the anime but needs more for these sort of uhhh stand alone things? idk anyway i felt that it wasnt enough so i tried some stuff out with theshading and i think it worked out really nicely. thanks to those of you who read through my little ramblings here XD sorry about the late post happy timezones people Commissions are Open links https://www.deviantart.com/blakefate https://www.tumblr.com/blakefate1356 https://www.patreon.com/BlakeFate https://ko-fi.com/steph90314 https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/31935735

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[agaypanic]

Hey could I request a klaus x reader where the reader is around his age and works for VFD (as a singer for her cover but is actually someone who charms people for information yk) but is like super lonely because all their attention isnt really/longterm but klaus and the reader fall in love anyway ( also if you could add him confessing at like a masquerade ball but the reader almost gets killed by count olaf kinda like the lemony and Beatrice flashback ) sorry for the long and specific request

The Siren and The Bookworm (Klaus Baudelaire X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: As a siren, all the attention you received was fake or short lived. But your new partner proves to be an outlier.

A/N: Klaus and reader have been working for the VFD for a few years, so they’re in their early twenties. Count Olaf didn’t die at the end of the series. Klaus confesses after the ball instead of during it. Also based off of the ball scene from Cruella. One more also, this is my last ASOUE fic!!! So I hope you enjoy

***

It felt simple, almost fun working for the VFD. Given your unique ability, you did much of your work and investigation at parties. You were a singer, but you had a certain charisma that made you able to get anyone to tell you anything. You loved it; the attention, the trust. 

But it never lasted. It was always temporary. When you were done getting the information you needed, you’d move on, and the person you had talked to would forget all about you and your conversations. But at least you always had the stage to return to, your one constant.

Although it felt easy, VFD work was sometimes dangerous. So, after a few minor incidents of being followed or getting found out, the VFD assigned you a partner to accompany you on missions and such. His name was Klaus Baudelaire, the son of the late VFD alumni Bertrand and Beatrice Baudelaire. A lot of the time, when you were undercover, he acted as your bodyguard. This amused you because he was better at reading about defensive strategy than practicing it. But it was still nice to have his company. 

You were first assigned to each other a few months ago. It was strange to form an actual relationship with someone. But after some time, you two became best friends despite your differences. The characters you portrayed accurately depicted your true selves in a way. You were known as The Siren, where being charming and open was just as important as your voice when you were put in front of the microphone. And when Klaus joined the VFD, he was lovingly nicknamed The Bookworm, for his mind was like an endless library that constantly desired to be filled.

You knew you shouldn’t get close. Eventually, he’d be like everyone else, a distant memory. But knowing that didn’t stop you from falling.

You were getting ready in your hotel room when Klaus came in. He was practically itching to leave, because this mission was especially important to him. The VFD had heard whispers of someone who was finally seen after years of hiding. And after years of attempts, he was seen in the limelight. Klaus knew this man all too well, and because of his stories, it felt like you knew him just as personally.

Count Olaf was now known as a talented and famous theater actor, instead of a murderer, kidnapper, and child endangerer. You don’t know how he did it. From Klaus’ stories, Count Olaf seemed to completely lack any sort of talent beyond fooling foolish adults with disguises. You and Klaus couldn’t understand why people were so favorable to him now, but you guessed that it had something to do with the fame and people having their opinion of someone so easily swayed.

The VFD wanted Count Olaf put away once and for all, which was why you were getting ready to go to a press event in his honor and why Klaus was practically about to push you out of your chair and into the car.

“Y/n, please hurry. The car’s here.” You couldn’t blame Klaus for his excitement. He had been wanting revenge on Count Olaf since he was first placed in his care. And although Klaus wasn’t a violent person, he was itching for justice to be served in any sense possible.

“I’m almost done, Klaus, I promise.” You sighed, applying a final touch of lipstick before standing from your chair. As you moved, you felt your dress was looser than it should’ve been and realized it wasn’t zipped. “Klaus, can you zip me up?”

“Uh, yeah.” If you were paying closer attention, you would’ve seen that he had a harsh blush on his cheeks and was about to choke on his spit when he answered you. But you were too focused on the tasks ahead of you. He zipped your dress up, being gentle in a way like he was almost scared to touch you. But you didn’t comment on it. “Ready?” You turned to see an outstretched hand. You took it, and the two of you made your way down to the car provided by the VFD.

“You remember the plan?” You asked as the driver took you to your destination. You fiddled with the ring on your pinky as you thought about it. This was probably the most risky mission you had participated in in all your years working for the VFD.

“Yes.” Of course, Klaus remembered the plan; he remembered everything. “And you’ll be okay.” He grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly to emphasize what he had said. It wasn’t a question; it was a statement. A fact. Even though what’s supposed to happen hasn’t happened yet, Klaus believed that everything would work out perfectly. Despite the series of unfortunate events that he had to endure in his child, he was such an optimist at times. 

“I’ll be okay.” You repeated after him. If you said it enough times, it was sure to be true.

Count Olaf resided in a mansion on a cliff. The drive to the estate was long, and the view was incredible from any part of the property you stood on. Clearly, he was doing well for himself.

When the driver stopped in front of the mansion, littered with guests coming in and hanging around the entrance, Klaus stepped out first before reaching for your hand to help you out of the car. Immediately there were murmurs and gasps as the lights touched your face. It was funny how your undercover persona was more known than the person you actually were. It seemed very counterintuitive. Count Olaf’s doorman greeted you and Klaus when you reached the doors.

“Ms. Hent, it’s such an honor. The Count will be most pleased by your arrival.” He smiled at you and then glanced at your partner. “And this is?”

“This is my bodyguard, and plus one. I don’t go anywhere without him.” You grinned, signaling for Klaus to introduce himself.

“Hembro Kotow, how do you do?” It was Klaus’ idea to use anagrams to form your identities. And it was your idea to use your nicknames for each other to turn into anagrams because if someone could unscramble your fake names, they still wouldn’t know your real ones. So you, The Siren, were also Ires Hent. And Klaus the Bookworm was Hembro Kotow. Klaus felt somewhat ashamed about the idea because he had gotten it from Count Olaf and his antics from when he’d chase him and his siblings around for their fortune. He hated that he had learned something actually useful from the crazed lunatic.

Before you knew it, you were on the stage in the main room, because of course Count Olaf would have a stage in his house. As you sang, you scanned the crowd to find your host. Everyone was masked because Count Olaf seemed to love secret identities. You and Klaus didn’t participate in the masquerade part of the ball, because the vital part of your undercover work was to be seen.

After a few songs, you found him chatting it up with a guest by the doors that lead to the back courtyard. As you sang the final note, the crowd turned their attention to you and started to applaud, Count Olaf being one of them. He smirked, and although you were disgusted, this was part of the plan. You nodded to Klaus, and he accompanied you on your journey through the sea of people.

“I’ll give you five minutes with him before I send everyone out,” Klaus whispered, hand pressed to the small of your back to guide you. “And I’m being very gracious by giving you that much time.”

“Five minutes is all I need.” You whispered back. “And stop worrying; I’ll be okay.”

“You’ll be okay.” He repeated softly.

“Count Olaf, it’s such a pleasure to finally meet you.” You gave a sweet smile to the man when you finally reached him. He immediately brushed off whoever he previously talked to and focused on you. He grabbed your hand, and you pretended to be delighted when he kissed the back of it.

“Believe me, Ires Hent, the pleasure is all mine.”

“This is such a beautiful home. Absolutely magnificent.” 

“Perhaps you’d like to see more of it?”

“I’d love to.” You linked your arm with his and gave Klaus a nod that said, ‘I’ll be right back, don’t follow me,’ and although this was all part of the plan, he wished he didn’t have to leave you alone with Count Olaf. “Could we see the ocean first?”

“Of course.” Count Olaf led you out of the mansion, and the two of you walked through the courtyard to get to the edge of the cliff that was fenced off by cobblestone structures. “Who was that man you’re with? He seemed familiar.”

You tried not to panic. After all, Count Olaf hadn’t seen Klaus in years, and he had grown up and matured a lot since their last meeting. Or at least you hoped. 

“Oh, just my bodyguard, Hembro. He came from Canada a few months ago.”

“So why isn’t he here now, guarding you?”

“I don’t necessarily think you’re someone I should be guarded from.” There was a flirtatious tone in your voice, even though you wished nothing more than to be away from this man. Count Olaf smirked, and soon, you two were looking out at the sea. “This view is absolutely marvelous.”

“It really is.” Count Olaf sighed, glancing at you. You caught it and had to play along. 

“Very handsome.” You said, turning to lean against the fencing while facing him. You played with the lapel of his suit jacket, wishing it was someone else’s. It was bad enough that he was so much older than you, but the fact that you knew of all the things he had done, especially towards someone you care so deeply about? It made you sick to your stomach. You hated having to act so pleasantly toward a monster. But it would all be over soon. He gripped your hips to pull you closer. “You wanna know a secret?”

“Oh, how I love secrets.” You leaned forward to put your mouth to his ear. In the distance, you saw Klaus talking to different groups of people inside, gesturing to the courtyard. Slowly but surely, they started gathering outside.

“Well, this is a good one.” You took a deep breath, preparing yourself for the inevitable. “The VFD found you, and they’re ready to put you away for everything that everyone else had forgotten about.”

“What?” He hissed, squeezing you tighter. You tried not to grimace from the slight pain. You had to stay strong and confident. “Who the hell are you, and what do you know about the VFD?” You decided to not answer that question.

“I guess it was a mistake to chase the spotlight, Count Olaf. Now the only light you’ll be seeing is from a jail cell.” He turned you around quickly, pushing your body against the stone barrier. 

“I don’t think so, Darling.” He said with a sick grin. You gulped. “I think it’s time for you to see what you wanted to see.”

“Which is?” You asked, trying to wiggle your way out of his grip.

“The ocean.” His grip was soon off your body, and you were free-falling off the side of the cliff. The last thing you heard was gasps of horror before your plummet took you too far down to see or hear anything else.

Count Olaf turned around, shocked for once that he had an audience. His guests looked at their host in horror, murmuring about how they just watched the Count push the famous Siren off his cliff.

“What?” He glanced back, realizing what they had seen. “She jumped. Everyone, I know how distressing this must seem. But Ms. Hent was deranged, threatening to take me with her.” He was putting on the performance of a lifetime, but it wasn’t to convince the audience this time. “She jumped.”

But they didn’t believe him. Soon, the police (who were secretly VFD agents) came and arrested Count Olaf for the murder of Ires Hent. He screamed as he was being dragged off, talking about how it wasn’t what it looked like and how he was innocent.

Klaus sighed as he walked to the car that had returned to pick him up. He prayed you were okay, even though he knew you were. After all, this was all part of the plan.

Knowing the layout of Count Olaf’s party and his murderous tendencies, the VFD had fashioned you a gown that was both expensive looking and practical for getting thrown at sea to your death in. The skirt’s volume hid the fact that it could also be used as a parachute. You were able to guide yourself into the water, close enough to the shore that you wouldn’t risk getting pulled back into the sea. You insisted to the VFD (more Klaus than anyone else) that you could make your way back to the hotel on your own, and to not send a car for you to avoid the risk of drawing attention. Using VFD tunnels beneath the city, you secretly made it to the hotel. When you opened the door to your room, you were squeezed and lifted in the air.

“Oh, thank God.” Klaus sighed, keeping you close to him as he rested his head against yours. “I knew you’d be okay, but then the minutes kept passing, and I kept thinking the worst.”

“I’m okay.” You combed your fingers through his hair which seemed to help calm him. You pulled him away from nuzzling further into you to press your forehead to his. “We’re both okay.”

“We’re okay.” He repeated, still refusing to let you go. He needed the comfort of knowing you were still alive, and you’d be a fool to deny both him and yourself that. He put a hand on the side of your face, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. He pulled away just enough to look at you. It was like he wanted to say something, ask you something. But he didn’t know how.

Even though he was the Bookworm, you knew how to read him. “Please.” The simple word drove him forward, pressing his lips to yours and pulling you as close to his body as physically possible. The kiss had so many unsaid words: ‘Thank God you didn’t die,’ ‘I’ve been in love with you for quite some time,’ ‘Never do something so crazy and risky like that again because I can’t lose you.’ Yet none of the words had to be said. Deep down, you had both known for a while. It just needed almost dying to confirm it all.