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supercantaloupe · 4 years ago

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okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.

#sasha reviews #sasha speaks #the unsleeping city #unsleeping city #long post #dimension 20 #gd i stayed up way too late to write this #tuc #the unsleeping city chapter 2 #the unsleeping city 2 #tuc2 #antisemitism

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corseque · 4 years ago

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Since you played those three’s routes, which one would you suggest if someone wanted the most the thematic ties, without romancing Solas? Blackwall’s feels the most obvious to me, but I’d love your thoughts. Also, how would you rank those romances personally?

BLACKWALL yeah BUT ALSO IRON BULL? And CULLEN too actually?

They’re all so related it’s wild. All 4 are monster husband romances.

Bear = Blackwall

Lion = Cullen

Dragon = Iron Bull

Wolf = Solas

In different ways, moral monsters with regrets who are trying to change their life, or are failing to do so. All of them are about the identity of the character, and who they want to be or decide to become. Names, and names changing. Titles and roles in society. Deception and shame.

Hissrad/Iron Bull, becoming tal-vashoth

Blackwall/Rainier, the concept of a “good man”

Cullen as a Templar or a free man

Solas (obvious)

Failure to live up to their promises or their responsibilities to their roles, and generally stories about weakness or faltering

Iron Bull and his responsibility to the Qun but also his men

Blackwall and his responsibility to his men

Cullen and his responsibility to the Inquisition

Solas and his responsibility to the people

About finding faith or strength or trust in those outside themselves

Iron Bull’s shift from the Qun to the Chargers

Blackwall’s shift to the Grey Wardens or the Inquisition

Cullen’s shift from the Templars to the Inquisition

solas’ failure to do this :’(

All of them are about these men trying to transform and heal after experiencing incredible trauma that just breaks you

Blackwall’s deep moral injury, having to live with yourself afterward

Solas’ indescribably deep moral injury that even Cole can barely catch the edges of, it’s so big and horrible

Iron Bull’s deep moral injury, when he lost himself fighting the Fog Warriors, and the tension dividing himself from his people

Cullen’s deep trauma after the Circle collapsed in DAO and Kirkwall collapsed in DA2, and the moral injury of how he contributed to what happened to the mages in Kirkwall, recognizing that and wanting to do better than Meredith

And actually, Bull, Blackwall and Solas in the game fully talk to each other and judge each other and relate and help each other process their traumas because they have such closely related experiences. It makes me so sad that Solas deeply projects onto the others negatively but at the same time is particularly good at helping and comforting the others over these moral injuries. I put their (spoiler) banter under a cut at the end, for reference to show they really do talk to each other about their traumas, and compare themselves to each other. I kind of wish Cullen could have had banters with them too.

As for ranking them, I think they’re all very good. Solasmance is bestmance lol

Blackwall: You haven't said much to me since... well, you know.

Solas: There is little to say. I assumed we were alike. We'd seen war, knew its terrible costs, but understood that it was necessary. But there was nothing necessary in what you did. You did not survive death and destruction. You sowed them. To feed your own desires.

Blackwall: I know that. I see it every time I look in a mirror. I try to make up for it.

Solas: By wearing another skin. You ran away rather than face what you had done. You wasted your time.

Solas: I wish to apologize for what I said to you, Blackwall.

Blackwall: You were right, though. I deserved it.

Solas: My people had a saying long ago - "The healer has the bloodiest hands." You cannot treat a wound without knowing how deep it goes. You cannot heal pain by hiding it. You must accept. Accept the blood to make things better. You have taken the first step. That is the hardest part.

Solas: So, you and the Inquisitor are together.

Blackwall: Yes. Is that a problem?

Solas: Far from it. People should seize any chance for a moment's respite in times such as these. I am glad you've allowed yourself some happiness.

Blackwall: I expected you to think that I should keep punishing myself.

Solas: I would be concerned if you forgot your past, but that seems unlikely. Beyond that, guilt is a distraction. One we can ill afford.

Blackwall: What of you, then? Have you found someone to share a moment's respite?

Solas: I find my peace elsewhere.

Blackwall: You sacrificed your own men.

Iron Bull: I'm Qunari. We don't flinch from duty.

Blackwall: Your men trusted you. You betrayed that trust when you left them to die.

Iron Bull: No.

Blackwall: No?

Iron Bull: Two key differences between you and me, Rainier.

Iron Bull: First, I didn't kill a wagon full of kids.

Iron Bull: My men were holding a position to secure an objective. I mourn their loss and honor their sacrifice.

Iron Bull: And second, I'm proud of who I am. I hope that's not a problem for you.

Blackwall: Not unless you ask me to hold a hill, Qunari.

Blackwall: So, Bull, how does it feel to be Tal-Vashoth?

Iron Bull: Feels a bit like I've been living a lie, and now it's coming back to bite me in the ass. What's that like, Blackwall?

Blackwall: Calm down, I meant no offense.

Blackwall: As you say, I know something of being cut off from a past life, having to find a new way.

Iron Bull: Well, you could've just led with that.

Blackwall: In any event, you have the Chargers. You haven't lost everything.

Iron Bull: Yeah, I think I'm good.

Iron Bull: Now, isn't this better? Getting the burden of that lie off your chest?

Blackwall: And exchanging it for the burden of everyone hating me? Yes. So much better.

Iron Bull: Hey, I don’t hate you. You and me? We’re good.

Iron Bull: Now that you know who you are, you can stop doubting yourself and start hitting crap again.

Blackwall: Why don't we hit a few bottles first, huh?

Solas: You fought the Tal-Vashoth for a long time, Iron Bull, did you not?

Iron Bull: Every day.

Iron Bull: I'd kill some of them, they'd kill some of my guys, and then I'd kill them some more.

Solas: No man can kill so many people without breaking inside. To survive... those you fight must become monsters.

Iron Bull: The ones that kill innocent people, yeah. The rest... I don't know.

Solas: The mind does marvelous things to protect itself.

Iron Bull: Nice job in that last fight, Solas. You really kicked the crap outta that guy.

Solas: I suppose.

Iron Bull: What, you don't think so? You ripped him a new one. It was great!

Solas: Unless the fight is personal, violence is a means to an end. It isn't appropriate to celebrate.

Iron Bull: I don't know. Gotta wonder about anyone who fights as much as we do and doesn't have some fun with it.

Solas: We have fought living men, with loves and families, and all that they might have been is gone.

Iron Bull: Yeah, but they were assholes!

Iron Bull: So, you going to let me have it, Solas? Or do I get to wait and wonder.

Solas: What do you mean?

Iron Bull: We've got the alliance with my people. Given how much you love the Qun, I figured...

Solas: I might scold you? Berate you for your decisions?

Iron Bull: Hey. The Chargers died as heroes for the good of the mission.

Solas: I never said otherwise.

Solas: The truth is, Iron Bull, you are Qunari. I cannot be disappointed in your decisions.

Solas: As a mindless, soulless drone, you could never make any.

Solas: You are not Tal-Vashoth, Iron Bull, not really.

Iron Bull: Well that's a fuckin' relief.

Solas: You are no beast, snapping under the stress of the Qun's harsh discipline.

Solas: You are a man who made a choice... possibly the first of your life.

Iron Bull: I've always liked fighting. What if I turn savage, like the other Tal-Vashoth?

Solas: You have the Inquisition, you have the Inquisitor... and you have me.

Iron Bull: Thanks, Solas.

#Dragon Age #Inquisition spoilers #monster romance #SO MUCH MONSTER ROMANCE #Solas #Iron Bull #Cullen Rutherford #Blackwall #I love romance #these are so good #Anonymous

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thequibblah · 3 years ago

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⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

#director's cuts #ask me #anon

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seoafin · 4 years ago

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Hello😊! How are you today? The drabbles for valentine day were so adorable, my heart went doki doki. This blog keeps on having quality content and shoutout to the big brained anons, like how can some be so big brained, there is nothing left for us common people☹️ (me sulking).

I had some things in my head and I just.. didn’t know where to ask them. It’s regarding Sukuna and Yūji. Did Yūji actually digest Sukuna’s finger? 1/4

Like ok, Sukuna is a curse, but his fingers are physical(?) so, is it like stuck in Yūji’s tummy and he is mad because it’s takes place for nothing (it’s not like he took nutriments from it) and he can’t eat as much as before because his stomach feels full more quickly? In this case, we could open his tummy and see if it’s still there, I mean it would be fun.

But it probably disappeared🥲, and then, is it because he digested it? 2/4

Or like it became just cursed energy(?)/molecules(?) and we know that when a curse have one, we can have it back but then do curses eat? Sleep? Go to the toilet? If not, it’s a win-win situation to be a curse!

Also, we don’t really know what are the Six eyes of Gojō, like some images suggested that he can literally see atoms🤯, could he have X-ray vision too?

Geto's name came from the Geto Ski Resort in Iwate. That’s all, I love to remind myself bits of the interview with Akutami. 3/4

I also made a post with links towards some of your analysis posts (🐱 anon supremacy), is it okay for me to have it (it’s for some references)

Anyway, I don’t really know what this ask is, I just had things to say I think even if it’s a complete mess.😶

Have a nice day/night! Lot of love on youuu💕💕

(I’m sorry if it feels like a spam, but I think tumblr are my ask bc there was too many characters.) 4/4

i actually scrolled a little down and got your first message!!! thanks for resending it again though ❤️

you bring up a.....really good question LOL I always thought it was the cursed energy itself that transferred to yuji so it wouldn’t exactly be the finger itself that has the power, but the cursed energy imbued in the finger that yuji gets when he eats a finger.

i want akutami to elaborate on gojo’s eyes SO MUCH. like i’m pretty sure we see in the HI arc that gojo can tell what other people’s ?? (idk abt this) cursed technique’s with his eyes. when he does that “i have pretty good eyes” line but i’m sure whatever it is makes him sensitive (not emotionally) but aware? of the world around him. so im looking forward to that. but if he did have xray vision....now that would be horrible 😭

GETO’S NAME CAME FROM WHAT. here i thought maybe there was some significance in gojo satoru and geto suguru sounding alike but akutami literally named geto after a ski resort i....LMFAO BYE

also you’re good with analysis links!! feel free!!!

#i hope YOU have a great day/night!!#I'm happy u wanted to send me ur thoughts 😁#.jjk ask #just-a-tiny-ghost

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bethd0456 · 4 years ago

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hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

#secretsanta'20

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the-lupine-sojourner · 4 years ago

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Roseluck and the Seer [Fiver/OC] [Bigwig&Sister!OC] [Combination of Iterations]

So I know I do not need to start yet another story, but here we are. I couldn't get this idea out of my head ever since stumbling upon the 2018 Watership Down Netflix miniseries and then reading the book.

I fell in love with the story and hope you all bare with me and maybe even enjoy this little adventure.

For those who have both seen the miniseries and read the books, I will be combining those two iterations. So Pipkin will be there, but Bluebell will be there, too, and so on.

Bigwig is gonna be a challenge to write with a little sister, but I shall do my best to combine the miniseries and book versions and make something I think will work out.

Real quick; yes I am aware of the My Little Pony character named Roseluck. I didn’t mean to name her after that character but my OC has nothing to do with that character. My OC simply had reddish fur so I figured naming her after a rose was a good idea. I hope y’all don’t mind!

Anyway, enough stalling. I hope you enjoy!

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

(Made this with Adobe Spark, if anyone was curious. Also, Roseluck’s fur is supposed to be a little redder with brown patches but I couldn’t find a good picture, so we’re rolling with it lol)

"You really think you can do this?"

I halt, the excitement in me aching to be released in a good run. "Yes, Bigwig, now come on! We'll be here all day at this rate!"

We'd been through this discussion so many times the last few days, I was growing irritated that he didn't trust me.

"It's just...you're hardly a yearling yet, Rose. You've still got growing to do."

"I know that, but I can't keep watching you prance off to patrols or farm raids forever. You've been showing me how to fight and patrol and other things. I want to see what I can do!" I reply, hopping a pace or two eagerly toward the path I'd always seen but never been down til now.

"I promised Frith and our parents I'd keep you safe." Bigwig counters, taking a softer tone than normal. "I just don't want to break that promise."

"You're not breaking any promise. You're not forcing me down that path. I'm choosing to go down."

Bigwig finally lets out a long sigh and hops over to me.

"Fine. Just stick close to me and what I say goes, right?" His tone was cross, but not angry yet.

I didn't want to upset him just as we're getting started on our adventure.

"Right." I agree meekly like I had numerous times before. "So let's get going before Frith-down!"

Bigwig laughs. "Calm down, Rose! It's hardly past morning silflay yet. But you're right; we should go. Plenty to be done today."

Ordinarily, Bigwig was a tough, no-nonsense rabbit who barked orders and enjoyed life in the Owsla. But when we were alone, it was almost like it was before he became an Owsla member, when we were outskirters hoping for more in life.

So I smile and enjoy the change as I hop beside my brother.

We wander down toward the river we normally get water at. I hadn't been to this area before and take a moment to sniff the air, clear and clean with the scents of the various vegetation in the area, not to mention the smell of Bigwig and myself, and a few other spots with day-or-more old rabbit scent.

Bigwig's head nudges my side and I begin hopping again. "Can't stop here, Rose. We swim across and skirt the field. C'mon!" He leads the way without another word and we end up looking out across a large open field, swaying in a small breeze.

Nature was so beautiful in springtime!

"If you're done enjoying the view like we're out for a casual hop, we can keep moving." Bigwig grumbles, nudging me again. "We need to be at the farm by ni-Frith, and it's a long way to get there."

I shake myself. "I'm sorry, Thlayli. I just can't help it! It's all so beautiful!"

Bigwig chuckles and shakes his head. "You get used to it, sis."

=#=#=#=#=

"What by Frith is this?" I ask breathily, staring in awe at the strange sight before me.

It's like a river, if the river were black and almost perfectly still, not flowing. There were strange, unbroken yellow lines going down the middle of this...whatever it is.

It smelled unnatural, like nothing I'd ever smelled before.

"It's a road, thick-ears." Bigwig replies good-naturedly.

"This is a road?" I ask incredulously. Bigwig had told me all about what he sees on his trips, be it patrol or raids to get flayrah. He'd talked about the black man-thing the hrududil run along, but I never thought this is what a road looked like.

"Yes, so let's get across it before a hrududu comes." Bigwig orders and I follow his lead, looking back again at the strange black thing before catching up to my brother.

"Are hrududil dangerous, Bigwig?" I ask curiously.

"Not in the day. At night they have these strange lights that make you go tharn if you look at them, then you get crushed beneath it."

I shudder at the thought and don't look back at the road.

So soon, it seems, since we left Sandleford, but all the things I was learning! It's incredible!

=#=#=#=#=

"Oi! Rose! Get back here!" Bigwig calls, and something in his tone has me hurrying to his side, just now noticing how far I was from Bigwig, and the change in the scents around me, warning of danger...but what it was, I didn't know.

"What is it?" I ask softly as Bigwig's eyes flick about and his nose twitches. His ears twitch occasionally, too, and I find myself following his lead, straining to hear, smell, or see any sign of the danger, whatever it is.

"Homba."

I pale. "What do we do?" I whisper.

"Stay calm or you'll go tharn and definitely die." Bigwig instructs, glancing around and still smelling the air. "It's a way off yet. We'll keep watch, but I think we're safe for the moment. Let's go quick and get far away before it catches our scent."

Heart hammering, I race after Bigwig as he leads us toward some end I couldn't see.

Finally, he stops at the crest of a hill and stands there panting, eyes scanning for any sign that our hasty retreat had alerted the fox.

When I'd caught my breath and my bearings a little, I sniff the air and try to find that strange scent. Nothing.

"Not bad, Rose." Bigwig muses, still breathing heavily. "Not everyone could keep up with me like that."

I smirk. "I've been running after you our entire lives, Thayli." I point out and he briefly rubs my cheek with his.

"And I've loved every moment." He says, voice and manner softer now we were well and truly alone. "Now, let's get some flayrah!" I grin and follow my brother's lead.

=#=#=#=#=

Carrying the food back from the farm took longer than we thought, but Bigwig led us down different paths and we never smelled or saw elil of any kind and made it back in time for evening silflay.

The Threarah thanked us as we delivered the lettuce to his burrow, where the other members of the Owsla would come to enjoy the privileges of their rank.

Bigwig always kept some flayrah or other reserved vegetation aside for me but pretended otherwise when anyone questioned it.

I ate quickly and, after saying goodbye, went about wandering, pausing to greet the few rabbits I knew.

It's then I noticed an outskirter, appearing worried as he called out. A few paces more and I'd gotten within hearing of him.

"Fiver!" He keeps calling it over and over. Curious despite myself, I hop after him.

He made his way toward the outskirter burrows, still calling for who- -or what- -ever Fiver is.

"Excuse me, but who's Fiver?" I ask.

"My, er, my little brother." The rabbit answers absently, eyes scanning around. "Drat him, where is he this time?" The rabbit seemed about my age, so I smile at him as we go past the burrows and back toward the main area, where most rabbits were at silflay.

"Wander often, does he?" I ask wryly.

The rabbit stops, sighs, and politely turns to talk to me.

"Listen, I really would love to talk, but I have to find my brother." I nod, hopping after him as he resumes his search.

"Then I may as well help. By the way, what's your name?"

"Hazel." The rabbit replies. "Who might you be, if I may ask?"

I grin. "You may. Name's Roseluck."

"Aren't you the doe that's all but officially in the Owsla?" Hazel asks, a twinge of jealousy in his tone. All bucks at this age want to join the Owsla, eager for adventure and thrill. To hear that a doe, much less a young one like me, was practically a member of the Owsla (according to rumors at least; in reality, the officers simply didn't feel like angering Bigwig should they protest him taking care of me), must sting.

"Oh, please. That is not quite true. I just follow my brother, Bigwig, around."

"Bigwig?" Hazel asks incredulously. "Frith above, he'll not be pleased you're here with me."

"Not if I don't tell him." I say, smiling cheekily at my new friend and hopping ahead.

"Knowing him, he'll find out." Hazel grumbles.

"Oh, he's not so bad. Besides, like I said, I won't rat you out. Relax."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be rude."

"Not at all, Hazel." I assure him, smiling. "Now, does Fiver look like you? Or does he look different?" I ask curiously, eyes scanning the rabbits around.

On account of my redder fur with brown patches (inherited from our mother) and different colored eyes (the right is brown, and the left is as green as a new leaf), Bigwig and I didn't look much alike.

"Oh, er, I suppose he looks like me, but smaller." Hazel replies, eyes scanning the rabbits around us as well.

"Is he that much younger than you, or..?"

"He's just a bit smaller, that's all." Replies Hazel shortly.

"Alright then, I'm looking for a smaller version of you." I reply placatingly, then stop for a moment. "Might there be a place he normally goes when he wanders off?" I ask, to get his mind off his irritation (a tactic I used a lot with Bigwig).

"Not really. He just...wanders." Hazel replies, sighing.

I nod, thinking it over.

When I wanted to be alone, I could usually be found on top of the hill overlooking the large space in front of the main burrows, so I could see nearly everyone who was out to silflay and socialize at the time.

When I suggest this to Hazel, he sighs and nods. "May as well check there. This is one other place, but its down the hill a good ways, and I don't think he's gone that far."

"Do this often, chasing after your brother?"

Hazel smiles fondly and nods. "Ever since we could walk."

I smile warmly at the thought and glance up the hill as we approach.

I can't see any rabbit up there, but who knows?

When we get there, there is indeed a rabbit sitting there almost as if he were a sentry, his small frame illuminated by the setting sun. Hazel wasn't kidding; he really was small.

"Fiver, please tell me you've had something to eat." Hazel calls as a greeting.

"Grass and some clover, Hazel. I'm fine." The rabbit replies, eyes still scanning the horizon as if to spot something.

"You must be Fiver, then?" I ask, coming forward myself. Startled by an unknown voice, the rabbit whirls, nearly falling down the hill in the process.

"Y-yes. I...I'm sorry, who are you?" He asks.

"I'm Roseluck." I sniff Fiver and get a good look at him like most rabbits do when meeting.

Hazel seems to remember he didn't perform this ritual upon our meeting and I can see his nose twitching.

I then turn back to Fiver. He was indeed a smaller rabbit, rather handsome like his brother, but with something...I can't quite place about him. He seemed different somehow, but it wasn't anything in his scent. It was in the way he carried himself, but perhaps I was mistaken.

In any event, he had two different colored eyes like me. His right was blue and his left was the light brown of the dirt. He was quite an interesting rabbit, I could tell.

"I didn't have anything else to do so I helped Hazel look for you." I add.

"She's Bigwig's sister." Hazel murmurs.

"Oh. I see. Shouldn't you be down silflaying with him, then?" Fiver asks.

I shrug. "I'm not hungry now. Rather talk to you."

"Hmm, I see. Well, I won't stop you." Fiver says, a small smile on his face. "You seem rather nice, as opposed...nevermind." He changes his mind about saying his thought aloud but I could read it anyway. Everyone always said the same thing.

"It's alright. I know my brother isn't the easiest rabbit to get along with, but with me, he's practically a hutch rabbit sometimes." I tease, laughing at my brother's expense. Bigwig had a reputation as a hardened Owsla member. Hazel and Fiver knew I was teasing. "It's true in some ways. He can be a softie when it comes to me. I mean...I finally got him to take me out on a farm raid today!"

Hazel's eyes go wide. "Really?"

I nod.

"Yup!" I grin. "Bigwig's been teaching me so much! I never imagined- -" I catch myself, remembering that most rabbits don't like it when I ramble...or, at least, that's what Bigwig told me. "I mean, it was fun." I surmise, straight to the point.

Fiver surprisingly scoots in a bit closer, smiling a bit at me. "I'd like to hear about it. I've never been far outside Sandleford."

That sent a shiver up my spine. No one had ever asked me to go on about something. Most of the time rabbits were asking me to stop talking once I was rambling on.

"A-are you sure?" I ask, tilting my head.

"Of course." Fiver says, settling into a bit more comfortable position to listen. "Hazel, if you'd like to go, I'll meet you at our burrow in a little while. I'm thinking it'd be a good idea to listen to Roseluck." The way he said it made it seem as though he took more notice of his feelings, and generally acted on said feelings.

Hazel seemed to accept this. "I would stay, too, Roseluck, but I'm feeling tired. If you're sure you want to stay, Hrairoo, I won't stop you." He says and nuzzles Fiver's forehead with his, then slowly leaves.

"So, what did you see out there?" Fiver asks.

"Here, why don't we compromise?" I ask, unsure about how to handle this strange situation. "I'll talk while we head back for your burrow. That way, Hazel isn't worrying about you and I can still talk a bit." Fiver chuckles.

"Let's get started, then."

In the end, it wasn't as far as I thought to the burrow, and I had hardly got past the description of the woods when we neared the outskirter burrows and was just about to describe the road when Fiver stops at the entrance to a burrow.

"Well...this is it." He says sadly, as if he didn't hear all he wanted to about the outside world. "I should like to hear more about the woods sometime."

I was slightly taken aback by this, but tried to play it off.

"Maybe someday soon." I reply, not sure precisely when I would be able to continue my recounting of the farm raid, but I was willing to try. If he was willing to listen, the least I could do was talk to him.

=#=#=#=#=

The next morning, however, I happened to bump into Hazel on my way to the river to get a drink, and he seemed a bit worried.

"What is it, Hazel?" I ask.

"Fiver." He replies. "He's normally out by now...unless…" He murmurs, then takes off back toward the burrows.

Ignoring the notion of water, I follow Hazel.

"Unless what, Hazel?" I ask. "What's wrong?"

"Sometimes Fiver has...well, feelings, and sometimes he sees things."

"What things?" I ask, getting more and more worried. "Hazel, is there something wrong with Fiver?" I don't know why, but the thought of something happening to Fiver was troubling.

"No! There's nothing wrong with him!" Hazel retorts. "It's just that he sees things, like images. Remember when that flood came last autumn?"

We were nearing the main burrows, so it wasn't far to the outskirters' burrows.

I nod. "Yes, I remember. We had to evacuate everyone. We were lucky there weren't many burrows that collapsed." I frown. "What about it?"

"Well...Fiver saw it coming. He saw that the river would overflow and there would be flooding in the burrows. We started getting the outskirters to safety while everyone else began to leave as well. That's likely why we had no casualties."

I blink, stunned. "Did he really see that?" I ask.

"Yes, he did. He's rarely wrong." Hazel muses as we reach the burrow. He glances back at me. "I'll be right back." He enters, calling Fiver's name as he hops.

I follow after a moment, curious.

The burrow was well-constructed, with several runs leading off in different directions. It seemed several outskirters lived in this area together. Hazel stopped at a run that wasn't very deep, but seemed warm enough for the two bucks. It wasn't as deep as Bigwig and I's run, but I suppose it was still deep enough to be cool during the spring and summer. and warm during the autumn and winter.

Then came a sound that cut off thoughts of the run and it's construction entirely; Fiver groaning and moaning as if in pain. I hope faster and find myself barely able to see around Hazel. There Fiver lay, a tiny little rabbit amid the grass and other bedding. He twitches and continues groaning.

"Is there anything we can do?" I ask. I felt terrible, standing here unable to help. Hazel hums under his breath and hops a little closer to his brother.

"Fiver!" He calls.

"Is this a vision?" I ask.

"I think so. Fiver!" Hazel nudges Fiver a little with his nose, trying to wake him.

Just as I move forward and nudge Fiver myself, Hazel speaks up again.

"Wake up, Fiver!"

Miraculously, Fiver's eyes open and he gasps as reality sinks in again. I breathe out in relief.

"You scared me." I murmur, panting a little. It had been stressful, seeing him in apparent distress with no real way to help him. "Are you alright?"

Fiver looks around in confusion as if he weren't sure if he were awake or not.

"Roseluck was going to the river when she bumped into me looking for you. I got worried and Roseluck wanted to help. You were having another of your nightmares, Hrairoo." Hazel explains gently.

"It was the strangest dream." Fiver mumbles.

"What was it about?" I ask, curious. It sounded dangerous, from all the groaning and twitching Fiver was doing.

"I can't- -I'm not sure..." He was still shaky as he glances around as if to assure himself that he was back in reality.

"That's alright, Fiver. Look, let's all go get something to eat and maybe some water, too." Hazel suggests and I turn myself around. "You know, I think I saw some sow thistle down by the stream and I haven't eaten anything decent in days." Hazel adds ahead of us.

Fiver frowns. He knew as well as I did that sow thistle was reserved for Owlsa. Bigwig hardly ever saved more than about a mouthful for me, but at least I'd tasted it.

"I think that's a good idea. Lead on, Hazel!" I chirp regardless. Maybe if we get there before any Owsla, we'd be able to enjoy without anyone being the wiser. "I'll get Fiver." I add when Hazel appears reluctant to go. I gently push Fiver to his feet and hang back to keep pace with Fiver. Poor fellow seems a bit shaken. "You alright?" I ask worriedly.

Fiver shudders a little, eyes downcast nervously. "I...I dreamt something was coming to Sandleford." Fiver looks to Hazel. "I think it might mean we're in danger, Hazel."

"You think so?" I ask, eyes wide.

"Yes! Captain Holly was in it, and there was a huge- -"

"Captain Holly?" Hazel interrupts, chuckling. "Fiver, I think Captain Holly can take care of himself." Just then, we pass none other than Captain Holly himself and another rabbit I recognized as an Owsla member. "They always do in the Owsla." He grumbles.

"I know. No offense, Roseluck." Fiver replies, glancing at me.

I smile. "None taken, Fiver." I reply. "Go on."

"Look, I know no one likes haring someone else's dreams, but- -" His voice sounded like mine when Bigwig was in a mood and I was trying to talk to him.

I was about to encourage Fiver to talk like he'd done for me when Hazel interrupts Fiver again.

"Dewdrop…" He murmurs absently, stopping to look at a pretty doe a little way off our path.

There were other does there, giggling to each other at the sight of Hazel staring starry-eyed at the doe with her back to us. I roll my eyes.

Does could be irritating sometimes, always giggling about this and gossiping about that. I had gossip to thank for everyone thinking I was in the Owsla.

"I dreamt something was coming." Fiver continues, too eager to talk about his dream to realize Hazel had stopped. "My dream was about Captain Holly, and…" Fiver finally clues in and turns, sighing and shaking his head. "Hazel?" He calls. Hazel shakes himself and hops over to Fiver, looking a bit embarrassed. We continue down the path and I can't help a tease at Hazel. "Do that often, does he?" I ask playfully, knowing Hazel could hear.

"You have no idea." Fiver replies equally as playfully.

Hazel grumbles under his breath and we make it to the stream. I take a second to drink as the brothers hop across on the rocks and then I join them.

Sure enough, there's sow thistle there. I near it, not hearing the approach of rabbits behind us.

"Look, Fiver! Sow thistle!" Hazel cheers.

"Not so loud, Hazel." I chuckle, preparing to eat it fast when Scabious' voice rings out behind us.

"Oi! You three know the rules! Is that you, Roseluck? Bigwig'll have your ears when he hears about this."

"Oh c'mon, Scabious! It's hardly worth taking, there's so little of it, and besides, Bigwig doesn't care who I silflay with." I point out, but the Owsla officers are insistent.

"Sow thistle is reserved for Owsla. You're lucky you got a brother who doesn't care about the rules, Roseluck, but don't let it go to yer head."

"Fine, fine. Take the thistle. I wasn't hungry anyway!" I grumble as Fiver, Hazel and I retreat toward the outskirts of the warren.

There, there was a fence, a man-thing of wood and wires. It was where I liked to watch Frith descend into the horizon above the hill. Bigwig thought it was too much risk, but I loved the view.

"'You know the rules'." Hazel repeats grumpily. "I'm sick of the rules!" He sighs. "I wonder whether there's a place for us in this warren, after all, Fiver! There's too many rabbits and too little good food as it is without the Owsla stealing from us, and- -no offense to you and Bigwig, of course, Roseluck, but I…" Hazel trails off and I see why; Fiver has stopped, up on his hind legs with his eyes scanning the area like he's scented or seen something. Fearing elil, I sniff the air, but can't smell anything amiss.

I hop to where Fiver is and there's only an old white man stick, put out long ago. It was nothing to be afraid of; the stick was long gone cold.

"Fiver, are you alright" I ask.

"...This is where it comes from, the thing in my dream." Fiver says slowly, glancing around as if to see this...whatever he saw. I feel a little uneasy, but manage to stay calm.

"What is this thing you saw?"

"I...I don't know, Roseluck, but it's bad. It's like a hrududu, but so much worse. It has strange paws, I think. I...I couldn't see clearly."

"It's alright, Fiver. It was just a dream." I assure him, remembering what Hazel said about Fiver's strange visions and feelings, but I refuse to believe that something so bad could come here. It was almost impossible to think about.

"It wasn't just a dream." Fiver murmurs, eyes locked on the hill with the burrows in front of us. "Look," he says fearfully, "the fields are filled with blood."

I look over and see nothing but the sunset, Frith's descent. There was no blood to be seen. The poor rabbit stands there, eyes fearfully scanning the hill as if there were some danger there.

Despite a little unease, like what Fiver was saying could be true, I chuckle.

"Nonsense, Fiver. There's no blood."

"It's just the light of sunset, Fiver. Roseluck is right; no blood." Hazel adds.

Fiver pants a little but finally looks away. "Brother, I know everyone thinks I'm strange. Even you sometimes, but you have to believe me; something will come to this place...something foul and fierce."

"Fiver...there's no scent of elil, the sun's gone down, and- -"

"You're not listening, Roseluck!" Fiver interjects, and I get the feeling he wouldn't be like this if he weren't utterly convinced he was right and that something was terribly wrong. "We have to get out! We have to warn everyone!"

"Remember, we're outskirters, Fiver." Hazel points out. "People don't listen to us." It was clear Hazel was beginning to believe Fiver's warning, and I was feeling increasingly anxious. If Hazel said Fiver wasn't wrong, and Fiver was saying something was coming that would destroy Sandleford warren…

"I'll help." I murmur. "More people will listen to me than you, unfortunately. But even with me, we won't get everyone to leave."

"Well, we must make as many listen as we can." Fiver says, eyes determined and set.

"And how do you propose we do that?" Hazel asks.

"By going directly to the Threarah," Fiver says.

"Frith above, this won't be easy…" I grumble.

"But it must be done." Fiver replies. "Roseluck, please...can you help us?"

I sigh and hang my head. Something told me I'd regret this if this turns out to be nothing, but on the off-chance Fiver was right…

"Yes. I'll see what I can do."

#Fanfiction #OC Insertion Series #watership down #OC #Original Character #Original Female Character #Fiver/OC #Bigwig&Sister!OC #Combination of the Netflix miniseries and the book

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thebluelemontree · 6 years ago

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summer-turtle

Would you ever write same-sex relationships...

Probably because a lot of people don’t trust Myranda with Sansa. This is backed up by Mya/Sansa being quite popular, and Mya being more trustworthy.

Yeah, well, people also tend to only take cursory glances at minor characters. I can see why people think that, but they are also wrong, and I need to rant about it. LOL. People who have that assumption that Mya = good, Myranda = bad, forget that Mya and Myranda are “close as sisters.” They are best friends of similar age and grew up together. So Mya, who already has serious trust issues from her father’s abandonment, would be “close as sisters” for years with a supposedly untrustworthy jealous schemer? Myranda is smart and isn’t forthcoming on some things, but that doesn’t make her ill-intentioned toward Sansa. That doesn’t really add up when we look at everything.

It’s Littlefinger that fears Myranda for being “shrewder than her father.” So her father, Nestor Royce, is the one taking bribes from Littlefinger and supports his moves to take power as Lord Protector after Lysa’s convenient death and taking custody of Robert. If Littlefinger fears Myranda’s interference, it’s because she’s not on board with her father being Littlefinger’s ally. And that was before Littlefinger’s move to betroth Sansa to HtH. "Soon or late you must meet Myranda Royce," Petyr had warned her. "When you do, be careful. She likes to play the merry fool, but underneath she's shrewder than her father. Guard your tongue around her."

Personally, I think that if Littlefinger is wary of Myranda Royce, that’s a good thing. She’s shrewd. She’s not buying into his bullshit. So Myranda is already suspicious of what Littlefinger is doing, so of course, she wants to meet this “daughter” of his that is so close to Robert Arryn. What’s her part in all this? Is Alayne a victim and forced into a situation against her will? Or is she a willing participant in LF’s scheme? And since she knows Alayne is really Sansa, the big question would be what the heck is Sansa Stark doing with Littlefinger? She’s wanted for regicide in KL. Is she a murderess that something to do with Lysa’s death too? We forget that Myranda might have good reasons to not trust Sansa at first until she gets to know her better. Just because we, the readers, know Sansa is not there by choice, doesn’t mean other characters do.

So she does examine Sansa closely when they ride down the mountain together. “She studied Alayne's face and chest. "You are prettier than me, but my breasts are larger. The maesters say large breasts produce no more milk than small ones, but I do not believe it. Have you ever known a wet nurse with small teats? Yours are ample for a girl your age, but as they are bastard breasts, I shan't concern myself with them."

So while Myranda is chattering away about boobs, playing the merry fool, she’s disarming Sansa with humor and frivolity so she has an excuse to look at her face and features closely without it being uncomfortable staring, which would make Sansa instantly more guarded. And Myranda doesn’t have a bastard prejudice. That’s nonsense. Her best friend is a bastard, so we know this is all a pretense. :P When we know that, it seems like Myranda is testing Sansa with different subjects to trigger a reaction: Lysa’s death, the mention of Jon Snow, if Alayne is still a virgin, how big is her father’s “little finger?” which is a bizarre question to ask, unless she’s trying to figure out what the nature of Sansa and Littlefinger’s relationship is. Are they lovers and is she his accomplice? She needs to know because Robert Arryn is directly under Alayne’s care and she does seem to genuinely care about Robert. Mya does too, despite the way Robert treats her. After the ride down and Myranda seeing the person that Sansa is, especially when she sees Sansa helping Robert cross the stone bridge, I think Myranda comes away convinced that Sansa is a good person and she’s most likely Littlefinger’s victim.

And that whole HtH subplot? Myranda was rejected by Lady Anya and Harry long before LF or Alayne were in the picture. Myranda is a great match on paper for Harry. The junior branch of house Royce is still an ancient family name. Catelyn advised Robb to choose an heir from that branch. The Hardyngs are landed knights, and Harry does have a need to emphasize his more prestigious relations, which he does on his quartered shield. Myranda is very sex-positive. witty, and fun, but she’s also fat, and Harry is horribly fatphobic. Lady Anya knows that as she cleaned up the Cissy incident for him. Of course, Anya rejected Myranda outright without hearing another word because she isn’t going to sour her relationship to her future high lord by betrothing him to a woman that would disgust him. Now Myranda says it might have been about dowry (which Anya may have told Nestor as an excuse to avoid making a personal insult), but I think Myranda knows it's about her appearance. Her first reaction to a mention of HtH is that she hopes he gets an STI, which is a pretty strong “fuck that jerk.” People always love to trot out:

"The first Lady Waynwood must have been a mare, I think. How else to explain why all the Waynwood men are horse-faced? If I were ever to wed a Waynwood, he would have to swear a vow to don his helm whenever he wished to fuck me, and keep the visor closed." She gave Alayne a pinch on the arm. "My Harry will be with them, though. I notice that you left him out. I shall never forgive you for stealing him away from me. He's the boy I want to marry."

"The betrothal was my father's doing," Alayne protested, as she had a hundred times before. She is only teasing, she told herself...but behind the japes, she could hear the hurt.

So we see Myranda firing back at Anya Waynwood’s appearance. Like “oh yeah, lady, it’s not like you Waynwoods have room to talk about how anyone looks. Your sons don’t exactly do it for me either.” Bullshit Myranda’s rejection was about dowry. Fat people know when they’re being rejected for being fat. It hurts! There’s pain behind Myranda’s jokes, yes, not true jealousy. We know Alayne never stole Harry from her. Harry rejected her long before. Alayne has never even met Harry before, so how could she steal him? Myranda’s attitude toward Harry before the betrothal plot happened was that Harry is an asshole and an irresponsible cad. She certainly didn’t say she had her heart set on marrying him then only that her father hoped to make a match. So what is she doing then and how do we make sense of it? Well, she’s reframing the narrative to a less painful version of events, one to where the reason has nothing to do with her weight and Harry wasn’t a cruel prick to her because I do think Myranda knows her own worth even if guys like Harry don’t. That she sees herself just as much of a catch as Sansa Stark even if she’s a bigger girl. Myranda is smart enough to know that whole narrative is bullshit, makes no factual sense, and none of this is Sansa’s doing, but she’s also human, and it really sucks to be grossly devalued like that. If you asked her what she thought of Harry, she’d probably still say she hopes he gets the pox. And Sansa’s reaction to her hurt is sympathy, which she gives Myranda over and over, as many times as Myranda needs to hear it every time she brings it up. She rescues Myranda from being besieged by two gross men ogling at her. Even with the death of Myranda’s first husband, Sansa reassures her that it wasn’t her fault he had a heart attack while they were having sex. But behind the jokes, behind the merry fool, is someone who has internalized shame for being a “dreadful slut.” She’s internalized some of her father’s criticism of the embarrassing way in which she was widowed. It’s very hard to be jealous and hateful of someone when they treat you with kindness, sympathy, understanding, and support at every turn.

And if Myranda really wanted to get Sansa out of the way, what is she waiting for? She’s had weeks and months to reveal her identity and turn her in. She could easily tell Lyn Corbray who she knows has a beef with Littlefinger and desperately needs the gold. What’s stopping her? Nothing. She hasn’t made one move to betray Sansa. Not once. Again, would the supposed good and real friend Mya go along with that if she suspected her CLOSE AS A SISTER BEST FRIEND Myranda was going to harm Sansa in any way? I don’t think so, because there is no plot to betray Sansa on Myranda’s end.

Later on, in TWOW sample, we learn that Myranda is being threatened by Nestor to marry her off to some nasty unwanted suitor. Why? She clearly runs Nestor’s castle capably, and with her family name, he could make a great match for her. Maybe it’s because Myranda has voiced her opposition to what her father is doing and that is why he’s threatening to get rid of her, probably at Littlefinger’s behest if she’s even thinking of betraying THEM, not Sansa.

And so what even if there’s a little jealousy there? Jon was undoubtedly jealous of Robb’s advantages, but he could overcome those feelings and love Robb like a brother. The love he got out of their relationship was worth more than his feelings of resentment. And readers give Jon that leeway to feel both love and jealousy and not hold it against him. Girls aren’t granted that. I hate it when people (general, not you) seem to think girls are incapable of overcoming their jealousies or petty rivalries, especially over a boy. That any conflict between girls will cause one of them to slam their hand down on the nuclear option and destroy the other. And I don’t think George is going that direction with Myranda

They made a race of it, dashing headlong across the yard and past the stables, skirts flapping, whilst knights and serving men alike looked on, and pigs and chickens scattered before them. It was most unladylike, but Alayne sound found herself laughing. For just a little while, as she ran, she forget who she was, and where, and found herself remembering bright cold days at Winterfell, when she would race through Winterfell with her friend Jeyne Poole, with Arya running after them trying to keep up.

By the time they arrived at the gatehouse, both of them were red-faced and panting. Myranda had lost her cloak somewhere along the way.

The girls have a race (a competition), but the race is framed around sisterhood and friendship. There’s no winner or loser though. And Myranda lost her cloak (as a marriage symbol) somewhere along the way, and it doesn’t matter because the girls were having too much fun together. The friendship was more important than any rivalry, and that’s our lead-in scene to Sansa meeting Harry for the first time.

AND THAT IS WHY I’m all fired up again, and I will make it a point to write a Sansa/Myranda bisexual slow burn with lots of fluff, mutual support, body positivity, and hot sex because both these girls deserve it and I love them with my whole heart XD

#summer-turtle #sansa stark x myranda royce #IS2G #I need this fic now #long post #ranting

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holmesoverture · 5 years ago

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The Christmas Party - Chapter 4

lol see this is why I never post fic, because I’m lousy at updating

First chapter be here Previous chapter be here More info on my fics in general

Warnings: Holmes is kinda stupid in this chapter and I’m too lazy to go back and fix it

Time for exposition woooo

“Eight months ago, I was hired to locate some Egyptian artifacts that had gone missing from the home of Sir Gideon Hibbert. I am sure you all are familiar with the details, so I won’t waste your time by reciting them now. So far as the Yard was concerned, the case concluded with Sir Gideon declining to bring any charge against young Harvey, but I was greatly dissatisfied with the product of my labour. I knew that Harvey must have had an accomplice, as he was thoroughly ignorant of archaeology and yet he had managed to steal only the most valuable items in his father’s collection. Due to the nature of Sir Gideon’s work, Harvey knew a great many people who possessed an encyclopedic knowledge of the subject, but none of them had particularly compelling motives beyond a potential desire for wealth, a desire so generic as to be useless to an investigator. And so, in the absence of other clues, I had little choice but to put the case aside until such time as a fresh lead presented itself.

“That lead arrived to me this afternoon in the form of a letter from Lilly Archer, a parlour-maid in the employ of the Hibbert family. In her epistle she expressed concern for her mistress’s plans for the Christmas party. But here, it will be much simpler for you to hear it in her own words. Dr Watson will be delighted to read them out loud to you.”

He abstracted an envelope from his sleeve and pressed it to my chest with rather more force than I thought necessary. I nevertheless accepted the missive, which ran as follows.

To Mr Sherlock Holmes,

I hope this letter reaches you in time to be of some service. I should have sent it sooner but I allowed fear to stay my hand. Now, at last, a sense of integrity has overcome my qualms about telling you the cause of my uneasiness.

I am a parlour-maid in the service of the Hibbert family of Belgravia. You made the acquaintance of my employers during one of your previous cases, so I’ll not bore you with lengthy accounts of their characters and habits. In the three years I have been in this position, I have been satisfied and content in every respect, excepting of course for the incident to which I previously alluded. The entire household was dismayed by Harvey Hibbert’s betrayal of his father’s love and trust, but we have learned to find a new, happy equilibrium following this loss. Life seemed quite normal again until this past Saturday when Philomena Hibbert told me of her plans for her Christmas party, the same affair to which your friend Dr John Watson has been invited. It all seemed perfectly routine until she said my services would not be required the night of the party, as she intended to hire outside help especially for the occasion. I cannot tell you how disconcerted I was by this statement. During my time with the Hibberts I have served at many a party, even at very large ones, so despite Miss Hibbert’s assurances that her decision was in no way a reflection upon my capabilities, I could not but take the news personally.

This alone would not have been enough to arouse in me more than hurt feelings, but on the next night, I bore witness to Miss Hibbert engaging in a most curious ritual. It was very late, and I had bid Sir Gideon a good-night. As I walked the hall toward the stair, the door to Sir Gideon’s study suddenly opened and Miss Hibbert stepped out.

“Oh good evening,” she greeted me very calmly, though I thought I noticed her jump when first she saw me. “Going up to bed, I assume?”

“That’s right. Do you need anything before I retire?”

“Not a thing. I was just finishing some letters before the party tomorrow. Sleep well, Lilly.”

“You as well, Miss Hibbert.”

Her presence in her father’s study was not itself suspicious, as she frequently makes use of it when Sir Gideon is not there. Yet I could not forget her insistence upon hiring new maids for the Christmas party, nor her surprise upon seeing me in the hall. Her excuse about why she had been in Sir Gideon’s study also lacked the ring of truth. I had never known her to write letters so late in the day, and even if she had altered her routine, she could not have altered her skill with a pen. Upon writing a letter, she always emerged with fresh ink stains upon her hands or her cuffs, but when I saw her last night skin and cloth alike were perfectly spotless.

When I reached my room I spent a great deal of time considering these very trivial matters and decided that they were, perhaps, not so trivial after all. I began to suspect Miss Hibbert did not want new parlour-maids for the sake of the party as she claimed, but rather because she feared I might see something untoward if I were present. I cannot begin to guess at what that something could be, and so I place the matter in your hands with the sincere hope that the only response I receive will be a firm chastisement for libelling such kind employers with my overzealous imaginings.

Very truly yours,

Lilly Archer

“A very observant girl, your Miss Lilly Archer,” Holmes said as he took back the letter. “By the time I received her letter I had mere hours to prepare myself for the party, so I dressed in the only raiment which I knew was guaranteed to grant me access to the Hibberts’ home and left my rooms at once.”

I had closely watched Holmes’ door before I departed and seen nothing. I could only conclude that he had left by his bedroom window, gown and all.

“It is very brave of you, exposing your source’s name,” said Professor Angues.

“Surely you are not implying that she is in any danger from you or Miss Hibbert, you who were too indolent to do anything more than nudge her brother in the direction of your dirty work? I think Miss Archer is quite safe from you, though given Sir Gideon’s propensity for laying the blame for his misfortunes at the feet of the innocent, she may find herself at the employment agency come morning. Given the events of the past year that may be a relief to her.”

Sir Gideon said nothing, but I was heartened by Miss Linwood’s look of resolute concern. I could only hope she would intervene on behalf of the upright Miss Lilly Archer, should such action become necessary. In the days that followed Holmes and I had several long discussions on the importance of protecting the anonymity of his clients regardless of how little harm he believed such an action would cause, or how much better his explanations would be received with the inclusion of such information. I cannot speak to whether or not he truly understood my arguments, but at the very least he has not revealed another client in such a fashion since that day.

“Miss Hibbert, you’ve been very quiet,” said Holmes. “Perhaps you would care to share with us the history of your association with the distinguished Professor Angues, and he can check you if he remembers differently.”

Miss Hibbert raised an eyebrow and I thought for a moment that she would refuse to speak. She must have realised, however, the futility of her situation and that nothing she said could make it any worse for her.

“I have known Rodrick since I was a small child. He and my father often spent their days working away in Dad’s study, and Rodrick spent more dinners here than anywhere else. For years he seemed to me a jovial man, forever sending my siblings and myself on small errands and paying us in sweets. But as the years passed, maturity opened my eyes and I saw that his good humour concealed a most resentful soul, jealous of the heights to which my father’s career had risen over his own.”

“You do me an injustice,” Professor Angues interjected. “I was not always the bitter creature you describe. When I thought of Sir Gideon and myself as equals I was both content in my work and proud to be his associate. But after he accepted his knighthood I reflected upon my own professional achievements and accolades and found them miserably deficient when compared with those of my colleague. For forty years I devoted myself to my career, foregoing the comforts of marriage and family in order to better serve my chosen field, and to what end? To see my accomplishments overshadowed by a man who had not sacrificed so much as a quarter of what I had? It was too much, too much for me.”

“It would be most uncharitable of me to begrudge him such sentiments,” said Miss Hibbert. “Dad encouraged my interest in Egyptology and sent me to the finest women’s colleges, for all the good it’s done me. The only expeditions I went on were those in which my father invited me to participate and I derived no pleasure from them, harassed and belittled as I was by the very men whom I had hoped would welcome me as their peer. I should have been very happy indeed to be an equal to them, but their mockery ignited within me the desire to prove myself their better.”

She paused for a sip of wine. I thought, with no small regret, how tragic it was that so many brilliant sparks should be snuffed out by the world’s unfair and uneducated expectations.

“Without ever giving voice to our grievances we bonded over them. With every tribute that came Dad’s way, our admiration for him and our acrimony towards everyone else grew in tandem. Finally, one clear April night, we aired our mutual complaints to each other and made a fateful decision: if our knowledge and our experience could not earn us true greatness, we would settle for notoriety. My brother Harvey was always something of a misfit, flitting from occupation to occupation with an incurable restlessness. He was unemployed at the time and we thought he might be receptive to the idea of any method by which he might gain wealth and excitement. Upon securing his cooperation, we agreed to move forward with our plans.

“The night before we acted, I was seized by piercing doubt. After all, every reputable Egypt enthusiast had snubbed me, so why would the disreputable ones behave differently? I said as much to Harvey, who quickly put me to rights.

“‘I very much doubt anyone willing to illegally buy Egyptian artifacts is going to quibble over the sex or the rank of his suppliers, so long as the merchandise is of a good quality,’ said he. I took his words to heart and have never doubted myself since.”

“How lovely it must be to have such a supportive brother,” said I, and Miss Hibbert ignored me.

“Our first attempt was unsuccessful, as you well know. Poor Harvey bore the brunt of our failure but loyalty sealed his lips and shielded us from your efforts to identify us. Rodrick escaped to the States without the treasures he had hoped to sell there, Harvey was evicted, and I was left alone to brood for six long, lonely, infuriating months. Even if I had conceived of a new plan during this period I would not have had the courage to implement it so soon after such a devastating blow. Was this my destiny, to never accomplish a thing no matter how diligently I devoted myself?

“On the day Rodrick Angues returned from his lecture tour, I paid him a visit at his home in Surrey and found him in a joyous mood.

“‘I have always believed that even the gravest misfortunes serve a higher purpose,’ he said. ‘But it is only now that I realise what the reason for our failure was. During my time in America, I was approached by many a gentleman who expressed the heartiest enthusiasm at the idea of owning a piece of Egyptian history. They were so enthusiastic, in fact, that most dropped subtle hints to indicate the method by which certain objects were obtained for them was of no consequence. I have here a list of the items they specified.’ He handed me a slip of paper containing a lengthy list of artifacts. ‘Now that we know precisely which artifacts are in demand and how much my contacts are willing to pay to obtain them, we can take from your father those for which we can guarantee a buyer rather than assuming that the most valuable are the most desired.’

“As I perused Rodrick’s list, I became more and more certain that his plan was a solid one and that he and Harvey and I should have little trouble in making a success of it. Although my father wanted no association with my prodigal brother, I have remained as close to him as before, and Dad never begrudged a sister’s love for her brother. I was certain that Harvey, cut off as he was, would be keener than ever to lay his hand upon our father’s treasures. When I later consulted with him I would be proven correct, but in that moment, I felt compelled to warn Rodrick of a probable obstacle to our success.

“‘This thing won’t be as simple as it was last time,’ said I. ‘Dad has grown paranoid since the incident with Harvey and locked his Egyptian valuables away where no-one can see or get at them. The only time he displays them anymore is when he is expecting company.’

“‘Has he not told you where they are and how to access them?’

“‘Of course, but that is a problem. It is only me he has told. If anything of his were to suddenly go missing, he would know I have betrayed him.’

“‘Then we must plan accordingly,’ said Rodrick. ‘If he only exhibits his collection at social gatherings, then we will raid it during a social gathering.’

“I reminded him of the Christmas party Dad liked to have every year, and thus the date of our undertaking was decided.

“I had intended to hire an additional parlour-maid for the night of the dinner-party to help Lilly in her duties. Now, however, I made up my mind to give Lilly the night off, and to tell Dad that I would hire two parlour-maids who had special experience in serving at such events to see if it was worth the extra cost or if our regular parlour-maid was good enough. He agreed at once, never suspecting that one of the supposed servants was his own son, and the other an associate of his whose true identity I would not divulge even if I had such information.”

“I won’t say anything either!” cried Harvey Hibbert, in what turned out to be his first and last contribution to our conversation.

“But Mr Holmes was the other maid,” said Miss Linwood.

“I could hardly be expected to know that,” Miss Hibbert replied, lips thinning with irritation. “I had never met the woman Harvey employed to help him in this endeavour, so I had no reason to suspect that ‘Chastity Page’ was anyone other than who she said she was. Harvey did appear to me somewhat anxious when he arrived but I blamed this on simple nerves, and as we never had a moment alone together, there was no opportunity for him to warn me of the unlucky turn of events.”

“I believe I might shed some light upon this matter,” said Holmes, cheerfully. “It was mid-afternoon when I arrived at Lowndes Square, and I waited at the corner until I saw two women approach this house. I intercepted the pair and begged them to allow me to replace one of them at the party. They were at first resistant, so I told a most extravagant lie about my violent drunkard husband and starving babe. Oh, it was an exquisite performance! I wish you all could have seen it. I carried on until one of the women acquiesced and hurried away without so much as a ‘good-day.’ It would seem that even thieves are not without some heart. The woman who remained, whom we now know to be Harvey Hibbert, seemed very uneasy about the whole business but said nothing as we ascended the stair together.

“Harvey, who had identified himself as Miss Mildred Myers, and I spent most of the afternoon preparing for the party, and I am sure you will agree that we executed our duties most efficaciously, with two notable exceptions. The first, as you saw, was when I fainted in the middle of the second course. I was a bit overzealous with the corset, I suppose. The second was instigated by Harvey himself. As soon as we served dessert he excused himself from the kitchen, giving a pretext that I could not quite hear. By this time I had already deduced that Miss Myers was not who she appeared to be, so I followed him through the conservatory and into the parlour. There I found him checking the bottom of each artifact and, if they met some standard that was quite unknown to me, he loaded them into a satchel he had procured from somewhere. I confronted him and we came to blows. But I’m afraid I am monopolising the conversation. Do continue, Miss Hibbert.”

“There is not much to tell that has not already been told. The reason for Harvey’s disguise was simple. Everyone knows he is no longer welcome in this house, so were any witnesses to see him coming or going, suspicion would be cast in his direction. But if the parlour-maids perpetrated the crime, then not only would the police have no reason to suspect Harvey, they would spend all their energies trying to locate the sticky-fingered women while Harvey rested easily and Rodrick arranged for the shipment of the stolen goods to America. We all would be completely safe and free of suspicion.

“As for the supposed letters I was writing last night, Lilly was quite right to distrust my excuse. I was using pen and ink to place a small mark upon the underside of each artifact Harvey was to remove from our father’s possession. Harvey had complained of having to memorise which items to take and which to leave during our first attempt, so I thought this would make his task all the simpler. I could not but feel tense and anxious as I hurried to finish my assignment before Dad caught me, hence my surprise upon seeing Lilly just outside the door to the study.”

“But why did you do it, Philomena?” cried Sir Gideon. “Have I been such a horrible father that I deserve such mistreatment from not one but two of my children? And you, Rodrick! How many hours did we spend studying together at university? How many adventures have we had? We have known each other these thirty-seven years! Did all of that time and work and amity mean nothing to you? To either of you?”

“Not everything is about you,” Miss Hibbert crisply replied. For the world I could not remember what about her had so captured my fancy mere hours before. “Our feelings towards you are unchanged. It is only that our feelings towards personal glory have grown enough to overtake all other sentiments. Now that those feelings are laid bare and our plans brought to ruin a second time, I will pack my belongings and leave this house to seek my fortunes elsewhere.”

Sir Gideon made no move to stop Miss Hibbert as she swept from the dining-room, straight-backed and stone-faced. She was followed moments later by Rodrick Angues and Harvey Hibbert, who withdrew with neither a look nor a word to the man whose heart they had so casually shattered, and that was the last Holmes and I ever saw of Sir Gideon’s cold-blooded friend and his even more cold-blooded children.

The party could not survive such a loss, and Sir Gideon bid us an awkward, tremulous good-night shortly thereafter. The other guests, including myself, did not loiter, dispersing into the raw frigid night in a decidedly less than merry humour. Holmes and I hailed a cab that offered only nominal shelter from winter’s biting chill.

“I fear that whatever gratitude I earned from saving the life of Sir Gideon’s son has been outbalanced,” said I, “and that his disinclination towards you has redoubled.”

Holmes lit a cigarette and made no reply. I really had hoped the challenge and the exhilaration of the case would have superseded that afternoon’s dispute in his mind. Perhaps such had been true during the investigation, but now that it was all ended, enough space in his brain-attic was freed for him to remember that he was justly angry with me. I took a breath and allowed myself one minute, no more, of private hysteria over the impending conversation.

“I believe I owe you an apology,” I said.

“Then we are in agreement.”

“I was wrong to dismiss you as I did. Although we were introduced only months ago I like to think that we have come to know and to trust one another, and you had every right to expect better of me. You are as always correct: one’s appetites are no reflection of intelligence, as my own actions this morning ably demonstrate. I pray you will afford me the opportunity to mend whatever damage my thoughtlessness has inflicted upon our friendship.”

His face was turned toward the window and away from me, making it impossible for me to gauge his reaction. The molokheyyah threatened to make an unpleasant and unwelcome reappearance, but then Holmes looked at me. The shadows from the cab and the light from the streetlamps combined in his thin face to great and enigmatic effect, but the smile, though small, was unambiguous. I smiled as well, and without a word all the tension that filled the cab dissolved.

“Where did you learn to be a parlour-maid?” I asked after a brief but comfortable silence.

“How does one learn to be or to do anything? I practised,” Holmes replied. It was unsatisfactory, so far as answers go, but I thought it best to not press the issue. “Now it is my turn to pose a question. It is one to which I have not been able to deduce a definitive answer, and I thought perhaps you would be willing to provide some insight into the matter?”

“I should be glad to assist you in any way I can, though I don’t see how I could solve any aspect of this case that has puzzled you.”

“Oh, it’s nothing to do with the case. I have already put the matter from my mind. This difficulty relates to the quarrel which we have since happily resolved. Why did it affect you so?”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“Your reaction to the knowledge that I hold that sort of intimacy in such low regard and am unlikely to ever change my opinion seemed rather more intense than the occasion warranted. I simply wish to know why.”

For the second time that day he had rendered me speechless. Everything seemed so clear that afternoon, but now it was as though a thick London fog had obscured my innermost thoughts.

“I cannot say,” I confessed at last. “I suppose it was the novelty of the idea. I have never before met a man who was so vehemently opposed to such activities, at least not one who felt comfortable enough to share his inclinations with me.”

Holmes regarded me with keen, steady eyes.

“I suppose I must believe you for now,” he said as he flicked his cigarette out of the window.

#my writing #sherlock holmes #this is old lol

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craftmanatee · 6 years ago

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Fantasy, is good, bad and ugly.

DISCLAIMER: Most of what I am writing here is for myself and not much consideration will take place. This is just a write up of all the things ive experienced and researched on put together as concisely as possible. A practice essay of sorts.

I do find myself to have finally separated what makes Fantasy what it is from Escapism or just Entertainment and how it works, especially for us today. Fantasy is used incredibly vaguely, going between its natural definition (Something akin to Imagining or daydreaming) to a specific genre in storytelling or visual or description of something. These are just methods of using the word that change based on how it is used, but it has been used often and vaguely to the point that it looses its original intent. A lot of what you use the Word on can already be better replaced with other words such as escapism, daydreaming or imagining, surrealistic etc.

Here is my addition to the definition of Fantasy: “Fantasy is an imagination derived from the Real World in order to better understand it.” Or “An explanation of the Real world”

This means that Fantasy can be negative, or positive. The imagination, or simplification or replacing of the things you dont know with things you do know. It is what we use to explain many things to children and people alike, especially if the specifics of the explanation will not suffice to the target person.

As soon as you put together this intent in which to understand the Real World through Fantasy, you can better identify what makes good fantasy, bad fantasy and Ugly fantasy.

To put Ugly Fantasy away real quick (As it is an entirely different subject). Ugly fantasy in the case of this writing is fantasies that abuse the uneducated, gullible or any person prone to fall for some kind of falsehood that flips their belief of the real world into something bad. So ideologies, fanaticism or any kind of prospect that changes how you perceive anything, into something that is not even remotely fundamentally real of that said thing.

Good Fantasy is fantasy that manages to convince, persuade or anything to you of the subject that they are trying to convey, but in a way that affects you. An example is simple folk tales told to Children such as “Hansel and Gretel”. Stories like these are meant to scare or teach kids of things to avoid, not do, etc. In a way, the same way how a Slasher Horror movie shows us what is stupid, or dangerous, such as splitting up.

Bad Fantasy is simply just fantasy that dont follow real world implications and as such could be misinterpreted. An example is Pornography. Therefor, for anything that is identified as “Bad fantasy”, its good to learn to not take in any implied effects, be it emotional or educational as true. But rather for entertainment purposes mainly. A better name for this would be “Simple” fantasy or “plain” fantasy to better describe it into the current definitions of Fantasy.

But for now, it should be Called Bad Fantasy as it is often used and is what people think Fantasy is in aspects of media today that I will point out.

Fantasy today is not Fantasy. It is escapism. You pick something up, it could be a book, movie or a game and you know how it is fiction and thus escape into it. Depending on your preferences, some things are suited to have you escape more into it than others simply because of either familiarity, or a deeper understanding of the subject. Movies as an example combine many aspects between visuals, story and music to have you have certain senses put your guard down and fall for whatever fantasy the movie has in place. There are many people who adore movies and have seen so many to the point where these cinematic tricks no longer work on them and they then happen to see how flawed the fantasy is. But that does not mean that it cannot be enjoyed.

This is where we separate Escapism and Fantasy from each other. I hate how (ex:)Toy Story 3 or a majority of animated films play out, but I do enjoy watching them. I know what comes next, but just maybe, I will still find something to like about it. This is me just liking a piece of Fiction for my own reasons, this does not apply to everyone.

But I can still identify how in Toy Story in general, has an amazing fantasy about better taking care of your belongings, or in this case, Toys. (I just think that the Fantasy can be enhanced if it did not fall slave into typical cinematic story beats)

But what we have majority of the time is fantasies that play an exaggeration to something. Such as power fantasies. Or fantasies that is exactly what you want. These are “Bad” fantasies that dont really add to any understanding, it is simply for entertainment purposes and feeds whatever “Sin”(Lust, greed whatever, lol) that you have in an innocent light. But I will claim that these fantasies are eroding Fantasy in general by the chance that these “Bad” fantasies can be misinterpreted and be wished upon. The reason why there is so much bad fantasies is because of misinterpretation of prior fantasies.

Here are some examples as to what is good Fantasy and what is Bad fantasy and what is Escapism, and how they surmount to themselves.

Lord of the rings is a story told and derived from the real world that puts conflicts into some kind of characterization. The fantasy tells of something very deep to the point of some kind of spirituality, religious or subjects of fate in general. But the Escapism is how the world is dressed up in these characterizations such as the different races and creatures. It is easier to buy in on a story of grand fate if it has appealing subjects. But, simply having elves should not be enough, there needs to be rules set in place and functions. Because of this, you then also buy into the characterizations. Basically, LotR didnt have what it had without reason. I do believe Tolkien did this in reverse however. He first had a Fantasy, but dressed it up later to better escape into. It is how Elves are Elves, and not just a different tribe of humans.

UnderTale is a good modern fantasy example and leads into a different subject such as modern intelligence! People today are a lot more educated than before, and thus when they want to escape into something, the fantasy needs to be really good in order for people to buy into it. Folk tales have been updated time and time again because of innovations such as writing, books etc that demanded more explanation in these stories. People asked more questions as stories get re-told which finally revealed cracks in these old stories. Undertale, however is a different kind of medium. Undertale tells of a pretty typical fantastical story of hope, but, it is the method that it tells it that gets people to buy into the story. As a Videogame, Undertale directly addresses the player for its actions. It also subverts videogame expectations in order to have you truly appreciate the message that undertale generally gives out. Even when the player disobeys this message, undertale still plays in on its fantasy that it is a Videogame. And as such, Undertale very well uses modern intelligence and expectations to the point of players realizing into listening and understanding what it has to offer.

The Marvel Cinematic universe is nothing but colourful escapism. It takes a simple fantasy of becoming truly special, and stretches it out far and wide. The best quote from a superhero film is probably “With great power comes great responsibility.” Just as a quote, this is the fantasy that Superhero fiction plays with even without the knowledge of this quote. Fundamentally and purely, this is what superheroes end up doing. Their power also becomes a responsibility. But, despite this. The movies, comics, etc mostly play with “ With great power..” portion of the quote. When a supehero character finally reaches a paragon status and finally realizes the full quote within its character, there wouldnt be any more stories to tell with that superhero. This is why we keep seeing reboots and rehashes. They keep starting over, witnessing the journey that it takes to fully realize that one quote again and again. And therefor, they are mostly being retold again for the fantasy of having super powers, or great power.

Fantasy is incredibly vague today, and I do feel like my added definition has you better deconstruct a fantasy from anything. Fantasy has started getting wishy washy near the 80s and onwards, and is why there is so many “Bad” fantasies today. With the advent of video games and new generations of people, it will become more clear and easier to seperate Good fantasy from Bad fantasy and Ugly Fantasy. Even movies, shows and games have a little Ugly fantasy that needs to be made aware of. Such as how Overwatch, a game that pandered to the LGBT community, making it all feel insincere, a complete opposite effect of fantasy.

After so long, I have read and researched on certain genres and going into deep analysis on them has made me discover a philosophy, or a new genre I will try to develop on. It is called Punk-Fantasy and that is a Write up I will make continuing this one. (And after that write up, actual proper content will be uploaded...)

#essay #real talk #fantasy #undertale #lord of the rings #folk lore #marvel #overwatch #movie #book #videogame #game #fiction

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officialthiamlibrary · 7 years ago

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Happy Friday!! We’re back at it again, with an exclusive profile of the one, the only @fandomtrashwhore, aka Marie! You’ve seen her instagram aesthetics, from Hunger Games to Parent Thiam AU to New Years’ AU. And now, we had the opportunity to learn more about her creative process and her life well…behind the screens. Let’s get it started!

Marie! Why not start us off with a simple introduction. Who is fandomtrashwhore? Or the artist behind her? The twist: the word count should be equal or less than the # of letters of the characters in your favorite TW rarepair ship.

Theo Raeken + Mieczyslaw Stilinski = 29

My name is Marie, I’m 19 years old and from Germany. My life is dedicated to my fandoms but besides that I’m an apprentice as an technical product designer.

Ha, I see whatcha did there with ‘Mieczyslaw.’ Smart, very smart! A Technical Product Designer! What does that entail? Do you like it so far?

I don’t know if there’s a perfect translation for it and I’m bad at explaining (that’s why I’m not a writer and my answers in this interview are gonna be shit :’D). I like the 3D drawing part most and till now I’m quite good at it and even ‘job school’ is pretty good. I feel like Hermione cause I always know the answer and my grades are on point af (which definitely wasn’t like that in my previous schools. I never said anything in class).

Pst, who said you have to be a good writer to have a good time? Just do you haha. That’s what we’re all here for any. That’s super interesting though. What’s another thing our fandom would be surprised to know about you?

I have to confess that I didn’t really mind Theo or Liam before season 6? Like I knew they were there and I liked them but I was too focussed on other characters + I didn’t know they wanted to end Teen Wolf then and felt like they wanted to shove the main pack away to replace it with Liam and his gang. (Now I’m all over the puppy pack ).

AND I watched the whole show till 5B or season 6 (not so sure) in one go and that’s why it felt like Theo and Liam both joined around the same time. (Even if there was one whole season between them…wtf.) I remember that I sometimes couldn’t even tell who was Liam and who was Theo cause I thought that they ‘looked alike’…BITCH WHERE? This is more than embarrassing, but every time I watch a show in one go I have trouble learning the names (when the name is said in the show I usually know who they mean but if I talk about it to someone I sometimes can’t remember the names cause I watched 3 seasons within a week…. :’D ). I definitely need to rewatch and appreciate them more this time cause they’re such amazing characters.

*Actually Cackling* Were there any other characters you were hazy on? Like, would Garrett be the “angry, tiny blonde one” to you?

No it’s embarrassing af. :’D And I know who Garrett is and what he did and he was indeed an angry tiny blonde kid, but I don’t remember details. Sadly (I mean I think he only was there for a few episodes so I don’t think there was much detail so I’m good as long as I know his storyline). :’D

Truth. When I started watching Supernatural, until (at least) midseason 2, I called both Sam and Dean, DeanSam cause they were always together when someone addressed them. So, you’re not alone, eek. Now, THAT’S embarrassing.

So, how did you go from ‘kid, what’s your name?!’ to Thiam instagram aesthetics and our fandom? What drew you in?

I think I jumped on the train quite late (cause as I said I didn’t really mind them), but I think I shipped them before but just realized it last season. So, I think I first felt something for them during their fight in the hospital because I was ‘fun-shipping’ them (not really fun but I wasn’t deep into it cause I didn’t bother checking their ship name or anything but I was like ‘lol. They’re gay for each other) during 6B and then I completely lost it in episode 6 of that season and realized that it is a real thing and it’s love.

From that moment I was a mess and died the last few episodes cause I thought they either make it canon or kill Theo off (and maybe make it canon) but neither happened so….ok. :’D I’m sad that I only had like two weeks left with them but since then it’s been a wild ride and they brought me new internet friends ( a whole pack) and made me tumblr fame … it’s crazy how inspiring they are for edits. I just can’t stop. :’D

BUT how I found my way into the Teen Wolf fandom is a bit funnier I think…(at least for me) :’D

This has now become the moment where I ask, “Marie, can you tell us how you got into the Teen Wolf fandom? Lol”

Idk if it’s funny if you don’t know my friends and me personally. But I always had this little group to talk about series with. Mostly The Walking Dead and Game Of Thrones but sometimes other series. A friend of mine, Lucas, once mentioned that there’s a series called ‘teen wolf or something like that’ and that he knows that one character looks like one of our classmates (his name is Tobi). He was talking about Derek and even showed me a pic AND HE REALLY FUCKING LOOKS LIKE HIM (I mean in close up you know it’s not him but you know…).

He already had a beard really really soon (he looked like 20 when he was 15 or something because of it) BUT NOW he looks even more like Derek cause I met him again, like a year ago, in a club and he lost weight and is working out now and….he’s really a Derek look alike (I wish I could show you but privacy…).

After laughing about that I never heard about that series again till I watched the trailer on youtube, and I have no idea why, but it was around new years eve 2015 to 2016 cause I thought about starting it and told a friend of mine on new years eve and showed her the trailer and she also thought it was cool and we started it about a week after that and binge watched the shit out of it.

BUT I ALWAYS HAD THAT PICTURE OF MY CLASSMATE IN MIND WHEN I SAW DEREK. And I still call Derek Tobi when I talk to my best friend who doesn’t watch teen wolf about teen wolf and want to explain something to her.

Lol are you kidding me?! That’s hilarious! And, I’ll raise you. I have a friend Michael who is a spitting image of Scott–skin tone, jaw, hair and all. I wonder if your Tobi/Derek and my Michael/Scott met, would they have a Scott-Derek-esque relationship haha! Since we’ve veered towards Friends, let’s say you, 4 characters from TW, and 1 of you personal friend were living in a Friends-type sitcom. Who’d you bring into your inner circle and which antics would yall get up to?

Ok! This is exciting! So it would be Stiles, Theo, Mason, Liam and my best friend Michelle (she doesn’t watch teen wolf but the hell do I care). We would just be such a funny sassy pack. Do you know that ‘meme’: ‘My friendship comes in 3 levels: Sass, insults, inappropriate sexual humor’? That would be so us. Michelle and me are basically Stiles and that meme describes our friendship so well; we’re really soulmates so I want the whole pack to become that close too.. Theo is a sassy ass anyways and Mason is also on fire.

Liam would suffer under our jokes and always be the one who makes bad jokes only he laughs about and the rest just laughs about him, but we still love him. Michelle and me would ship the hell out of Theo and Liam (and Mason and Corey are goals af). Mason would be sceptical at first but together with Corey–I can’t have Mason without Corey…sorry?–we get him to join us.

Sometimes, Liam and Theo even go with it and flirt for fun just to piss Stiles off who somehow ended up stuck with us after Scott left for college and Stiles decided to quit the FBI and now works as a police officer at the station. Of course, Thiam gets real and no one really notice it at first cause we think it’s just another prank on Stiles until we catch them making out in my kitchen during a pack meeting. There are also a few other pranks since we’re the sassy pack. Stiles mostly uses his position as a police officer, like towing our cars or getting us a ticket. Theo’s pranks are a bit shocking at the beginning since he needs to learn how to be a decent human being. Liam and my pranks fail most of the time. Michelle and Mason are the prank master team; they always come up with the craziest ideas.

Yassss of course, Corey would be there. There’s always a significant other who’s there so often, they become part of the group lol. That sounds like my kind of party, all the chaos and sassy destruction. All the creativity, it’s the perfect segway to our next topic of the day: fandomtrashwhore, aka your creativity.

If your creativity was a person, what type would they be? What would they do? Wear? Listen to? Handle conflict?

I think it would just be a furious working single mother? Cause during the week I’m working and even if I have nothing to do after work I only seem to be able to edit at weekends and then I sacrifice my whole weekend to it like it’s my child. And furious cause once I have an idea in my head, I drown myself in pic finding which can be so exhausting and I bet I look like a stressed single mom during that cause I’m having so many tabs open and so many search phrases to throw at google in my head at the same time.

I also have specific pics in my head and I could cry if I don’t find a perfect pic to fit that image in my head. I mostly listen to the Airplanes playlist I made while editing but I also love artists like Ed Sheeran and Halsey so that would also fit quite well to keep that person calm and grounded. I also think my creative process is quite vulnerable and moody cause sometimes I can’t wait to edit and other times I feel like I never want to edit again and I need to force myself to (during editing I love it again tho). And vulnerable cause like I said I hate when I can’t find a decent pic and could cry. Same goes for if the app crashes during a long edit or if something won’t go how I want it and my patience dies.

Does that single mother furiously create outside of the Thiam fandom too?

Yes, I do social media au’s for all my fandoms (at least I want to, till now I only have a few.) I’m not a writer but I have a started Sherlock fanfic with a trailer (I like the trailer tho and some one shots to several fandoms on wattpad. I’m ashamed of them cause I’m a bad writer but I can’t stop trying :’D So here’s my Wattpad. Don’t expect too much!!

I mentioned the trailer for my Sherlock before and right now I’m also working on a trailer ( more like ‘short movie’) for and OC (who ended up to be Marie Avgeropoulos) x Negan from The Walking Dead.Till now it’s 13 minutes long and I love the shit out of it. I never drew for a fandom before (german youtube back in the days, I had instagram fanpages. I still have them but I don’t edit for them anymore cause series took over my life. If you know german youtube and are interested contact me but they’re not that important for most of the people reading this, I think. ANYWAYS, what I wanted to say is that I want to draw something Thiam or rather Airplanes themed soon.

Oh AND I and my best friend (Michelle from before) used to write our fanfics (mostly about german youtubers) over whatsapp back in the days. It was legendary but also very unrealistic and hilarious. Sadly, we lost most of them when we got new phones which breaks my heart.

Dang, that’s tragic. Thankfully, you still have the memories. From trailers to Whatsapp/Wattpad fics, they’ve all led you to this moment: Instagram aesthetics. How’re you inspired when choosing a theme?

Most of the time I find a pic that inspires me to an edit theme. E.g., I saw the 3rd pic of The Buck’s party pic on Liam’s profile for the engagement & wedding edit coincidentally on tumblr or something and was like: “Yes, that could be Liam carried by Stiles and the boy on the right is Scott and the girl is Lydia and the pic was taken by Mason….why would something like this situation happen….A BUCK’S PARTY! I NEED TO DO A ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING AU. Then, the other pictures and ideas just find their way.

I also accept requests (like the new year eve one) or I’m inspired by a post (like for example when I did the Thiam Mykonos one.

And when you search for photos, what’s your process for choosing the best ones?

Most of the time, the story of my au’s is formed by the pics I find. Like I have an idea and look for pics and then I see which pics make a logic story. Most of the time, I don’t know myself how I find so good pics and I bet I could never find them again (I tried once after I lost some), cause I found them so deep in the internet. Mostly, I google pretty weird sentences and I wonder what the NSA is thinking of me. :’D For example, I googled “Throwing Tampons” for an Airplanes related edit once. I bet whoever observes me thinks I’m a killer when I look for aesthetics (especially when I did the The Walking Dead aesthetics) and googled for bloody pics. I nearly threw up a few times tho while doing so.

Finding pics is a harder job than you might think; I would say it takes more time than the editing itself, but I can’t say for sure cause once I start editing I’m lost in some sort of tunnel and suddenly it’s dark outside. When I want to google for ‘natural’ pics, I mostly add ‘snapchat’ or ‘instagram’ behind it (e.g. ‘couple eating take out food snapchat’). Also, you can find good pics on pinterest (my Pinterest name is ‘Marie Rosa’ btw), especially aesthetical and gay couple pics!

Deciding is even harder cause I often have 50 pics in my folder and can only use 12. Then, I check which one I definitely want to have in the edit and which I liked best and are the most decent ones to the images I had in mind.

When there are people on it, it’s also important that they look like the characters they should portrait. After that, I still have 20 pics left and cry because I love them all. Then I make two new folders to decide which ones are for Liam’s and which ones are for Theo’s profile and then I delete some more pics with a hurting heart (or I save them for other edits some day) and look which pics fit best together (when I edit aesthetics, similar color is a big topic). The biggest mess is when I get more ideas during editing or realize that one pic I thought I liked doesn’t fit at all and stop to look for more pics and the whole order I had is thrown away again and I need to start again. :’D

My goodness, I remember seeing you and Sammy (@glitter-cake20) talk about finding pics before on Discord, but that is…really involved. Are there times when you create your own images instead? If so, which edits/manips have been your favorite?

I would say the Hunger Games one was my best manip, but I also like the one in the Thiam parent AU where I replaced Cody’s cat with a baby two times. And, nearly all manips I did for my Airplanes series, especially Disney Kiss (I just edited Dylan on Cody’s ex-girlfriend…lol…no regrets), the bowling pic, all the pack video calls in which I added some more heads and the ones of Derek and Stiles in NYC. I also love the one of Mason and Liam carrying watermelons in the Dirty Dancing AU and the whole Daredevil Thiam (+Morey) AU is also one of my favorites cause it’s so aesthetical. I mean in the end I nearly love them all cause I wouldn’t have posted them if not.

You’ve mentioned CaptainMintyFresh’s Airplanes a few times. What inspired the idea to make instagram posts for the guys’ journey? So far, which has been your favorite chapter to conceptualize? And why?

I don’t really know how it started but I was editing my other ones and Tagan kept mentioning certain pic scenarios. (I think it was around the waterpark chapter.) I was just like: ”She’s giving so many good patterns why don’t you try to make Insta profiles to the chapters.” It was one of my best decisions cause I loved it, even if it was a pain in the ass! I finally managed to catch up and since then I feel so empty…sounds strange but my past few months were spend with Thiam and Airplanes and suddenly, I’m free. I was looking forward to editing other things again and I did but on the other side, I feel lost and don’t even know what to edit or I’m not in the mood. I have an Airplanes hangover or something. :’D

My favorite to conceptualize were probably the Disney chapters (it used to be the lake chapter but since editing Disney, I like that more) but every chapter was fun in it’s own way. (I’m planning on doing a commenting on the airplanes edits after Airplanes is finished).

I also think you can see how my skills improved while editing when you look at the first chapter edits and the last ones. That’s maybe the thing I’m most grateful about; it gave me the chance to experiment and grow along with the Fic and the characters.

Aww, that’s quite poetic. And, now we have Chapter 39 out, so you must feel the inkliest bit complete!

And, now I can feel the inkiest bit better about the next question to come.

CHALLENGE TIME! If you seen how BTS works, you know we love giving you the Time to Shine! For your first challenge, you can bring any of your insta posts to life in the TW Universe. Which would you choose? Set the scene for how that pic was taken.

I mean I would say the airplane series but it’s not my story so I’m gonna go with one of my single edits.

Then I would say the Parent AU cause I’m a bitch for parent Thiam. I’m gonna go with the pic of the crying baby with the title ‘Great. My son has my husband’s attitude’.

Liam sends Theo to the store with Leo after a discussion so he has some peace and can clean the house without interruptions. Leo won’t stop crying on top of his lungs in the middle of the store and Theo sighs while resting his forehead on the shopping cart (I hope that’s what it’s called).Then, he looks up again and gets his phone out to snap a picture and post it to show everyone that not only Liam is a whining little shit torturing him but now also his son. He laughs at himself for the joke which makes Leo stop crying and laugh with him instead. Theo takes that as an encouragement for his joke and carries him on his arm for the rest of the shopping trip, When they return home, he’s greeted by Liam who’s trying to look pissed but fails and just smirks at him and giving him a slight slap on the arm.

Hahahaha, yes! Dig it. And yes, it’s totally called a shopping cart (at least in my state). One final challenge before we wrap up? Since your images are always so unique to the theme, which pictures/ types of pictures would you use for these one word/phrase prompts:

Celebrity

Stuck at the Airport

Blind Date Gone Wild

Do you just want one pic or a collage of some good pics I would use? BUT I would love to do the whole edit. :’D

Heck yeah, we’d love a whole edit!!

FINALLY, done! Amen.

Wow!! I’m stunned. Over 80 pictures. 6 Days. 3 WHOLE POSTS!?! Plus Comment Posts! Honestly, how do you do it? Everyone, definitely go check these out; their linked with their respective challenges below!

[ Celebrity | Stuck at the Airport | Blind Date Gone Wild ]

While we all marvel at that, can we expect any other Thiam instagram themes from you in the future?

Of course. I have an Thiam folder with 357 a folder for the upcoming Mockingjay AU with 37 and my airplanes folder with still 194 pics. Somehow and someday I’m gonna use them all. Planned is to finish the Hunger Games series, cause I still need to do Mockingjay and I also have so many good parenting pics left so there’s definitely going to be another parent Thiam AU and some random ones.

It depends on my mood and requests I get or if I’m suddenly inspired by a pic to edit a specific theme. I also want to make more of Thiam x other fandoms, like Maze Runner, Divergent and so on but I also want to edit for so many other fandoms and ships. Why is there so less time in my mortal life?

Who knows? If only time stopped during the Fandom spurts of our lives, then we could enjoy it as long as we wanted to. Aww, I’m sad to see us come to an end. Marie, what’s next for you?

Finish my apprenticeship in 2020 and have a job after that + moving out. The next thing I’m saving money on right now is my own car till august (I also want my first own TV and playstation and need a new laptop any maybe smartphone :’D). Other fix dates this year are german comic con in december or turning 20 on 27th June.

Of course, I’m gonna drown myself in more fandoms and editing (I mean I’ve already watched 7 new series in 2018).

Oooh, which new shows? (I know I said we were ending lol, but shows are my drug!)

I finally got myself netflix since streaming became officially illegal (it wasn’t actually legal or illegal before but they couldn’t do anything to you and it was safe) here last year and I used it to watch all the marvel netflix productions like Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Daredevil, The Defenders, Luke Cage (which I haven’t finished cause Netflix won’t let me, every 30 seconds it crashes) and The Punisher. Jessica Jones and Daredevil are my favorites out of them. Then, I also watched How To Get Away With Murder….IT’S MY FUCKING NEW RELIGION! Coliver is giving me more than life. They’re goals.

(In case anyone is interested in what I’m watching and stuff here’s my TV TIME name: MarieRo)

OMG, Ok, Ok, let me end this before I start a rampage about all things Marvel. Thanks so much for hanging with us at the Thiam Lib and letting us get to know you! Is there anything else you’d like to add, including any life/creating wisdom? Write until your heart’s content.

There are SO MANY intelligent things to say, but I’ll go with: Don’t give a shit about what other people think but always be open for other people’s opinions and teachings BUT don’t believe anything blindly. Just survive somehow tbh.

I have some other blogs on tumblr: @marierosaurus (random shit I like, sexual or funny af, just everything) @music-is-all-i-need-in-life (my music fandoms) @edsheeranfanblog (as you can maybe tell….a blog for Ed Sheeran?) @youtube-fan-live (blog for mostly german youtube)

(Instagram (about my traveling and just random private instagram shit): marierosarius)

I also want to thank you Minna for doing all this (bts is such a cool idea and keeping us inspired with the movie fest and stuff has to be so much work!) and especially for inviting me in the Thiam Discord pack chat 4 or 5 month ago. It’s been a wild ride and I maybe would’ve never known about that chat without you.

I love that chat and how we spend the christmas holidays together and thiam got so much more intense and it’s not even only about thiam anymore we also exchange about many other fandoms and we cried so many smut tears together (I mean that nsfw chat is on fire and I remember voice chat talks between in that christmas holidays we will burn in hell for and I love it :’D) and also fluff and angst tears but mostly smut tbh.

Just thanks for everything the Thiam community gave me, I said earlier that thiam gave me ‘tumblr fame’ and that sound stupid but it did, cause I edited before and nobody gave a single shit and reblogged or liked anything. Thiam was the best thing that could happen to me, even if I mostly edit for myself cause I like it and it’s fun, I can’t deny that it motivates you and makes you happy when other appreciate your work. Even not Teen Wolf or Thiam related posts / reblogs are noticed and it makes me so happy. Ok, sorry for bothering you with all my stupid talking. All I have left to say is: Meow

Awww, thanks so much for the love! Hahaha, our first Discord chat feels like so long ago now lol. And I also wouldn’t be here without my other Thiam Library Mods, esp Tiffany, Esme, Lizzie, Euthoxia, and Vis. They keep me inspired and grounded when life gets crazy. Just as you all, the Thiam Fandom, keep us inspired with your interactions and massive talent. We love you all!

With that, Behind the Screens presents Marie to you! If you want even more, you can read her questions that didn’t make it into the official interview here! Of course, the conversation doesn’t stop here. Not only can you chat with her on her 4 other blogs AND TV TIME, you can find her at these places too:

Main Tumblr: fandomtrashwhore

Inbox/Ask: fandomtrashwhore ask

Wattpad: Marierosarius

Instagram: marierosarius

Snapchat: marierosarius

Twitter: MarieRosarius

She’s also accepting prompts and the like, so hit her up!

We’d like to thank Marie for entertaining our many questions and challenges!! We have tons more BTS coming in the next few weeks, so stay on the look out for those <3

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over? Send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

#thiam #teen wolf #officialthiamlibrary #fandomtrashwhore #mod: minna

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thydungeon · 4 years ago

Text

“Break”

In the fall of 2018, Stoic Studio held a short story fan fiction contest because they were publishing a compilation for The Banner Saga.

I really loved this game, but for whatever reason I didn’t play the second and third games until a week-long stretch in 2018 when Emily was out of the country. I stayed up until 5 am to finish the third game!

But then I saw the contest and I thought, “oh my god, this is perfect!”

They didn’t pick my story, and I have never been sadder about any personal creation of mine. I spent a lot of time on the story and had a lot of help editing from Russell and Emily, overcoming elements of some fairly old-timey fears. Obviously, the hard truth is that I’m not that good of a writer, but I struggled for a long time with whether or not to really regret a series of design decisions. That is, I wrote the story that I wanted to, the way I wanted to, but I wonder if the following needed to be true:

Why did I write a story that features only varl and literally no humans (read: no women)? Why did I write a story that covers the scope of only violence, something I’ve never been comfortable writing? Why did I write a story with only original characters, so out of the way of the games? Why did I make the first 270 words in the style of an emotionless recounting of strategic and tactical failures? Why did I develop only one character, with essentially no emotional arc?

Regardless, I do like the piece. I think I wrote it reasonably well given the above handicaps (that, again, I chose because I wanted them). And now, reading it two years later, it’s pretty clear it’s “about” switching roles at my old job in the US; the feeling of losing your position and drifting away from people is/was a common theme in a lot of things I’ve written, so go figure lol

Since Russell is the only person who ever read this with the full context (having played the games), here are some background details:

1. The game takes place in a Norse/Nordic setting. The antagonist is a Jormungandr figure, all the main characters have Germanic-sounding names, it’s Viking age tech, and the world is snowy.

2. Varl are like giant human-oxen hybrids; there are only so many of them because each one was literally created by a real, physical god who has since disappeared. Hence, the number of varl will never increase, only decrease (this doesn’t appear to have any kind of Krogan Effect, in case you’re wondering). The process of creation is apparently quite unpleasant and is one of the reasons they fear (and I mean really fear) fire. They share the world with humans, but generally do not intermingle.

3. Dredge are rock-like humanoids who communicate with vibrations and live underground. They fought a tremendous war (the “Second Great War”) against a combined human-varl alliance. Certain dredge who are very powerful are called Sundr and have English names that reference an attribute (canon Sundr include “Bellower” and “Raze”). I don’t remember if they are physiologically different from other dredge or just the classic video game “hero” unit.

4. Per the Wiki, “varl who are close knit enough to be family refer to each other as kendr.”

5. This is stretching my memory, but I believe the title is a play on the basic combat mechanic in the game series - your units can choose to attack an opponent’s armor or health. If you attack their health, your attack damage subtracts the opponent’s armor amount before dealing any health damage, but health damage reduces the opponent’s ability to do damage back. Get it? Breaking their armor? The story is about a breakout as well. Also, it wouldn’t be an early period (2015-2018) piece if it wasn’t about burnout, i.e. breaking down.

As for why I never posted this on Tumblr, it’s because, honestly, I thought Tumblr had a character limit on text posts?

Grofheim burns.

The largest city in the north, the varl capital, lies in ruins after an avalanche of dredge like none had seen before. A few weeks earlier, a handful of reports from northern patrols suggested a massing of dredge in the abandoned, half-sunken city of Skrymirstead; further warbands detailed a sturdy garrison increasing in size with each sighting. A dozen leaders forged north with a host of five thousand to meet them but limped home a mess of several hundred. Survivors spoke of organized dredge armies moving like appendages of the Sundr. Concentrated force separated our army amid a blizzard and obliterated them.

Eager to see the army for ourselves, we awaited their arrival at the city's gate facing the Valkajokull. To our surprise, the dredge struck first from the south, having passed between the Varlsmarch and King’s Barrow hills, and only then advanced from Skrymirstead, placing a hammer against an anvil with Grofheim in between. In the days of old, we expected battles like these to slow to the crawl of a months-long siege, but this generation of dredge attacked with unique urgency. We saw Sundr everywhere: Driver, Rampage, Dread, others we remembered from ages past. The walls collapsed on the eighth day of battle, and dredge poured into the city. After only two weeks of fighting within the walls, their advance was nigh-unstoppable, and we had lost entire sectors of the city, guard towers and homes alike reduced to rubble. By the end of the third week, our encirclement was almost complete and only slivers of light in an ocean of dredge gave us hope for survival.

Shortly after the dredge breached the city walls, Jorundr and many of the remaining varl had rallied to a fortress in the center of the city. Harald, captain of the city patrols, and I, his right-hand man, joined them with a fraction of the varl we had led previously for years; all others had fallen either at the wall or in the ensuing crush. At the top of one of the fortress towers, we pored over a map resting on a rickety table. Wooden figurines shaped like varl and dredge littered the map’s surface. We used to play chess with the little pieces.

Light filtered into the spacious room from all sides, but it illuminated nothing of renown. A couple of spears leaned against the wall, and a handful of varl were resting, drinking water and munching on dwindling provisions. We looked a sorry lot, even more bruised and unwashed than the typical varl cohort. Harald could no longer grip his shield due to a mangled left arm, so we fastened them together, hoping the banded wood would hold. Fiery debris had caught me at the wall, covering my face in cuts. Outside, we could see the dredge burning heaps of fallen varl, challenging us to come out and avenge our dead.

I ran my finger across the map from our location to one of the gates. A few hours’ march stood between us and the world beyond the city walls. “We have less than five days holding out here. By that point, we’ll be surrounded, and they’ll start breaking us apart group by group. The fortress will hold for maybe two more days after that. What’s the plan, Harald?” I lifted my finger from the map and found myself biting the nail of my thumb unconsciously. The sharp taste of iron-flavored blood crusted underneath snapped me back into the moment.

Harald moved a pair of dredge pieces between us and the gate. “From what we gather, the dredge that breached the southern gate destroyed everything from Skyhorn west through the Varlsmarch, but they are now less than full strength.” He moved several other pieces above us on the map. “Jorundr did not move any troops from the northern wall to fend off the surprise attack in the south, so the dredge advance from Skrymirstead was not a total disaster. Still, that group is reportedly much larger, so a breakout that way is not possible.”

“Eamonn and his whole clan stayed at the western tower,” I said, pointing to an ornately decorated tower on the map. “Heard a rumor that Roland and his folks battled back to the wall, actually. Either group is probably a heap of bones by now, though.” Looking over the map, I realized that every painstaking detail on it had been rendered worthless by the dredge.

“I do not blame them,” said Harald. “From all of our experience, dredge grant no quarter, and some varl may be looking for revenge after hearing what happened in the blizzard.”

“I heard it might have been an accident,” said Ismail, one of the younger guards and a fixture of Harald’s patrols. “The leaders out in the wastes forgot to put out a watch as they slept, and the dredge caught them unawares, daylight and all.”

“With dredge, there is no such thing as an accident,” said Harald. “Whatever happened out there does not bode well for us here.” His eyes dimmed and I could see the truth beginning to settle.

“I know Jorundr’s been quiet about where the dredge are coming from, but what have you heard?” I asked. “Did some idiot kick over a hornet’s nest?”

“We only saw the dredge near Skrymirstead and nobody saw them coming from the east,” replied Harald. “It is no coincidence; something is driving them, and it must be more than memories of the second war.”

“We have a dozen ideas what it might be, but nothing with real evidence,” added Ismail. “Jorundr has been tight-lipped about it, but I think it’s because he doesn’t actually know. I’ve heard everything from new leadership among the dredge, a misunderstanding at the border, to some faening scheme by the Valka.”

“No need to gossip on my account, just curious,” I said, turning back to the map. “What’s left for us here?”

“It all depends on how many dredge are out there and if you want to be hopeful,” said Ismail. “Me, personally...I would rather not.”

“The southern walls have been entirely leveled, but that may work to our advantage,” said Harald. “If we can cut a path through the dredge between here and there, we can escape with no bottleneck to hinder our advance. But numbers are not on our side.”

“It’s always possible there is relief on the way, maybe runners found their way to pockets of varl beyond the city,” suggested Ismail. “Can’t change how many dredge are here, but it helps if there are more of us.”

“Now look who’s being optimistic,” I grumbled. “If they got past the forts without any trouble, then that means we’re the only varl for days in any direction. From here, we’ll have to write our own stories.”

“So then getting away is our only real choice,” said Ismail.

“If we all make a break that way to the south, they will pursue,” I said, moving varl pieces down the map and dredge pieces in pursuit. “And we won’t make three days out of Grofheim before they catch us. Some of us must split off to hold or divert them. If not, we’re faened as soon we’re free of the city. The only question is how many and where we put them.”

Harald knew this but remained quiet. He had a way of settling his gaze into an intensity that bordered almost on horror. I never thought to say anything about it after years and years, but over time I understood it as his way of focusing. We all knew that the number of varl who escaped Grofheim would be however many would fight the rest of the war. Vognir’s entourage, the varl in Strand, and any others scattered across the mountains would not be guaranteed to join in time, if ever.

“We estimate there are four thousand of us remaining in the city that can be readied to evacuate at once,” began Harald. “A tenth of that number should be the maximum committed to a diversion.”

“Do you think that’ll be enough?” Ismail asked. My instinct was that we needed a thousand, but I always used more force than necessary to get the job done. Either way, I was happy to let Harald make the assessment. He was always better with strategy.

“We need to make sure we have a force worth carrying into human lands,” said Harald. “We do not know what Jorundr has planned long-term, but we have to give him the best chance to... win.” He almost said ‘survive.’

“Fair enough, then. We hardly ever know what’s on his mind, but that’s never stopped us before. Who’s going?” I asked. Around the room, everybody stopped and looked at me and Harald like awaiting a death sentence. Varl lead long lives, but we are seldom fearless as we pretend before the moment of truth. It is the best trick we play on humans.

Harald looked at me and lowered the shield still wrapped around his arm. For the first time, I noticed the streaks of grey among black in his hair and beard, the weariness in his posture, the chips in his horns, and his tired, deep eyes. His teal tunic rested on top of bandage after bandage; it was caked with blood and pockmarked with cuts and tears.

“As good a time to go as any, right?” I joked to the room. No one said anything.

“Could you give us a minute?” Harald said to the others in the room. They quietly filed out. “I’m sorry to have announced it in front of the others, but at this point, I may be a liability with this,” continued Harald, gesturing to his arm and shield. “I trust you to handle this task. It may be the most important of our lives.”

“Harald, I understand,” I replied, smiling through. “I’ll take the remaining guards we have and hunt for volunteers. Do you need to speak to the other clans to set the plan in stone? Wouldn’t want to ruffle any feathers before we get rolling.”

“I did before I came up here,” said Harald, smiling back. I started to leave but turned back at the door.

“Harald...are we really leaving Grofheim?”

It was a ridiculous question, but it nagged me, and I needed to hear him to make it real: to leave our home, to abandon it to destruction. I was loath to leave everything behind forever: my home, our monuments, the legacy of centuries of varl.

“There is no other way,” replied Harald. “If we were going to stop them, it would have been before they reached the city.”

“We were so sure we would beat them in Skrymirstead and, failing that, here at the walls. What went wrong? The second war took years and years, we were there.”

Harald shrugged. I knew it was futile to ask, but I had become so used to him having an answer. “We will find out once we... regroup.”

I slung a hammer high on my shoulder. “Nothing to do, then. I’ll get your four hundred in the next two hours. In the meantime, I look forward to your plan for our friend down there.” I gestured to the window, where far below at the head of the black sea was a tall dredge dressed in red robes, holding a glaive in each hand. The varl in his vicinity either stood dazed in his presence or routed in cowardice. Harald peered below at the Sundr and I could feel the stress rising in him.

“This is it, this is how it happens,” he muttered, still facing down below. I never knew if he meant for me to hear it.

I went to my makeshift quarters to pick up any remaining equipment. Sitting down on the bed, I dusted off my clothes and shook off stiff boots. The beautiful release of sleep had only found me once in seven days and I longed to just rest for a moment.

After floating down the river of a dream, I opened my eyes and sat up. As I slowly remembered the broken state of my body, I felt my left horn, jagged from days of shrapnel and glancing blows. I traced a line from the tip down to a matrix of scabs dotting everything from my left eye down to my right jaw.

It was time to take stock of everything before our final rush to the city walls. My boots were finally dry after a week trudging through snow; my armor had hardly any straps left to tighten, but I kept reinforcing it with bits and pieces of metal I scavenged; daggers and knives picked up along the way found homes in my belt. I still held onto a hammer I had picked up on the fourth day of fighting. The head had delicate twists and turns carved throughout, and the rune-covered haft was smooth from centuries of use. It sang every time it stung rock and crushed everything it touched.

Down in the courtyard, my remaining guards stood at attention, tired and injured but still eager to make their mark. Another couple hundred from across the city stood nearby, joining. I felt good knowing I would run with so many familiar faces, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of leading them all to a shallow grave.

Nevertheless, we moved over to one of the few gates in the area free of dredge; this exit was where we would perform our illusion. The dredge knew we were cornered and they would be expecting a breakout and a sacrificial diversion. The switch was simple: the initial attack would in fact be the vanguard making the escape. The diversionary force would be disguised as trying to escape, conspicuously filtering out from the side. Some of the worst mistakes we made during the second war had come from believing our enemies were incapable of strategy. Our lives now hinged on whether we had learned the lesson.

Harald emerged from inside the fort, shield still locked to his arm, spear resting on his shoulder. He had patched up the remaining cuts and bruises on his body and looked ready for battle (or as ready as he would ever be). Beyond the gate, we could see figures in the distance, working their way through houses.

“Where are we meeting you when this is all over?” I asked, forcing optimism to my voice.

“The old capital, across Burra Pass,” replied Harald. “A week away if we make haste. Once we break out, Jorundr will send scouts in all directions for help.”

“Look forward to seeing you there,” I said. “Are you ready? Four hundred of yours first, then four hundred of mine.”

“If all goes well, we should have a couple thousand outside the city by the time the dredge realize the game.” Harald gritted his teeth. “Not enough down the line without the menders or humans, but this gives us hope.”

“And the Sundr?”

“You’ll have to take your chances with them,” said Harald, shaking his head. “We cannot use the same tactics as when we had true armies during the wars. We had our hands full even then.”

“Captain, we’re made of flesh and bone.” I slumped while standing for the first time all week. Harald always had an answer, but was this the best he could offer me?

“I know... reports from across the city tell us that every Sundr we can name is here. My gut tells me if you see them, you should just run.”

I forced my face into agreement, but I couldn’t let it go. “How did this happen?”

Harald blinked and his mouth settled into a frown. “We will have more time to ask questions in Einartoft. For now, we just have to escape.”

His tone was final. He seemed prepared for, even unbothered by, our impending departure. Was this all he had to say after spending a hundred years together? Did it not trouble him that those years were spent defending a city now burning to the ground? But I looked into his unmoving eyes and realized my irritation was only immaturity. He knew every bit as much as I did that the world we had built was being undone. We had been colored and shaped by a duty to our home, a duty that we had chosen, a duty that was now sunsetting. Perhaps that spoke enough for both of us.

I felt the questions inside me slowly trickle to a halt. I stared at him, trying to force myself to remember the look of his calm, unshaken face. I could see the determination, the readiness to face our final hours. Varl are seldom fearless as we pretend before the moment of truth. It is the best trick we play on humans, but, finally, this was no trick. I realized I had been staring at him for perhaps a whole minute.

Thus ended my last interaction with Harald in Grofheim. I have a painting of him in my memory of that last scene before I turned to leave. It was in that moment that I knew Grofheim was gone.

The first gate opened and Harald’s four hundred varl rushed out. They pushed away from the gate, plowing through an initial wall of dredge. Once they cleared the first group, I could see a few grunts begin to give chase before the Sundr called them back to the fortress. We then clattered our way out through the side entrance. As expected, the wave of dredge charged in our direction, a contingent ten times our size, howling and humming as they slammed into us.

I swung wildly and tossed aside a dredge grunt. Another swing, another grunt. A third swing buried my hammer into the shield of a stoneguard, but a timely blow from a guardsman freed it again. With simultaneous strikes, we felled the stoneguard and pushed onward. As we nearly broke free of the circle, I could see the lone dredge from before, taller than any of us and shrouded in crimson robes: Dread. It planted both of its glaives into the ground and began shaking violently. We had heard stories of its powers, and I was hesitant to witness them firsthand. But then, I thought, if I could do it, perhaps end the battle immediately and save the lives of those around me--and slay a dredge legend... Stonesingers can be interrupted, one heavy strike would work.

As I neared, I swung back my hammer, twisted my hips, and stretched to meet him, hammer to Sundr. But before I could make contact, a vibration knocked me onto my back and everything around me disappeared.

I found myself floating in calm darkness for a moment before a great wall of flame surrounded me and began to close in. Memories of creation flooded my mind as the flames licked my clothes, but this was different, a perversion. The wall came closer and closer until every part of me was engulfed in flames. Links of chainmail resting on my skin branded themselves into flesh, while the skin itself peeled away and the nerve endings frayed into nothingness. An eternity passed. I saw my skeleton blackening in the deepest fires of the universe, and when the last bone disappeared into ashes, I felt suspended in nothingness. My voice was gone and the only thing I could feel was my mind trying to claw its way back to something tangible.

The hollowness subsided, and I found myself in the physical world, staring up at a sky of clouds and sun blurred together. The world was eerily quiet for that moment. The loud clanging and screams of battle gave way to dull thuds like the sound at a butcher’s. I looked back at Dread and saw it walking away with one glaive resting on a shoulder, the other at its side. It seemed so calm and pleased with its work, not even giving me a second glance.

As my senses sharpened, I saw peril everywhere. My companions were in the state of illusion that had captured me, now lying on the ground with vacant eyes while dredge bludgeoned them to death. I turned and saw one varl after another dying, eyes locked in a gaze into nothingness, not reacting to hammers crushing bone and rupturing viscera and muscle. We existed only like wheat waiting for the scythe. We weren’t even fighting. We weren’t anything.

The feeling of a weapon bearing down on me finally snapped me into action. I could almost see surprise in the grunt’s eyes as I batted away its strike. One swing from my hammer shattered its stone armor and a follow-up caved in its chest. As the light faded from its eyes, I took satisfaction in ensuring its final emotion was shock.

I turned and crushed another dredge, hammerhead vibrating from the point of contact down to my trembling hands. Rage boiled within me and I was ready to charge at Dread, ready to even the score. But my tunnel vision subsided and I realized the true danger to our mission. The Sundr was already leaving and there were plenty of other dredge to handle. The glory of battling a Sundr beckoned, but I knew I owed it to those around me to struggle a different way. I had to escape.

The situation was collapsing. The longer we lingered, the more enemies swarmed to fence us in. Before Dread arrived, we had been close to breaking free and dispersing, but now, we found ourselves surrounded. Neither vigor nor ferocity would save us. I spotted a solitary varl, covered in cuts and missing an arm, waving a red banner, trying to rally us to an alleyway. This was enough of a plan to survive: no glorious final stand, no victory of arms. Along with a few others snapped out of Dread’s illusion, I followed the banner and we began hacking through the crowd of dredge. The already injured varl was cut down as I arrived, but the rest of us barreled down the alleyway as the buildings on both sides began to collapse, supports chewed away by fire. I hated the thought of deserting those I led into the fray, but I decided I would see Harald again; I owed it to my kendr.

By the time we cleared the alley, only a couple dozen of us remained. I could still hear fighting from the other side of the rubble and the awful warping noise of Dread’s glaives. Thoughts of fire continued to race around in my head, but I was able to quell the fear. With the Sundr and its dredge on the other side of the fallen buildings, I assessed our state. So much for our plan: the diversion scattered and smeared into the streets. I could only hope Harald and the others had made their escape. I rallied those with me, a few brothers in arms for years, other newly made friends, mostly strangers in a dire situation, and we started moving toward the city gate to escape. At least there were no other Sundr in the vicinity, and the dredge we did see were not very interested in fighting us, some even running away on our approach. After we felt a safe distance from the violence, we rested in an empty temple dedicated to Hadrborg. It had already been in disrepair by the time the dredge attacked, but I felt the sadness of leaving behind yet another place that harkened to a golden age: lost glory, faded away.

“Where now?” asked Ismail. In the chaos of the breakout, I hadn’t realized he was with us. In fact, I was so sure he escaped with Harald. Selfishly, I was glad to have his shield and spear, but I also wished he were far away and safe.

“It’s another hour to the gate,” I replied. “We’ll need to run. There’s nothing left here for us.”

“Do you think Jorundr and the others escaped? Harald?”

“We can ask questions in Einartoft.” I don’t know how much I believed it now that I was peddling Harald’s words.

As we advanced toward the gate, we got an eerie feeling. The only sounds we could hear were the far-off city buildings crumbling in flames. There was no fighting. Was every other varl in the city already dead? Had the dredge caught Harald and ended all hope? In the long stretch between the final row of houses and the city gate, we saw a crowd of dredge gathered. It was small enough for us to directly engage but large enough that I knew most of us would not survive. And yet, beyond the dredge was a field of corpses, mostly dredge, and only a handful of varl--Harald and the others had broken through!

I exchanged glances with my surviving varl. This was no time for subtlety, and we were in no mood for anything of the sort so close to freedom. We charged.

In the ensuing chaos, I swung my hammer with the feeling that I was gliding into the end of days, with no caution left to spare. With swing after swing, I felt the vibration and resistance resonate throughout my body.

Chance blows may have broken a rib or two, but I felt immersed in my own world. By the time I stopped feeling the weight of the hammerhead against stone, I looked around and realized that I was entirely alone for the first time. Everybody was dead. I never saw Ismail go, or Stefan, or Jorgen, or Thorvald. We had so long to live and I had missed the opportunity to say good-bye all the same. We can ask questions in Einartoft. My final, anti-climactic words to them. The final event of my life in Grofheim. Over in minutes.

Looking up, I saw that the way out was laid bare. Slowly, I realized the only thing left was for me to leave. The gate loomed over me, silent. It struck me as a cruel joke that everything around it had been obliterated, but the gate itself was left unscathed. I had defended it after all.

Not a moment after I took my first step into the snow a mace swung down at me. My forearm flung up by reflex and I felt muscles bruise and bones crack. I stumbled backward and fell into the snow onto my knees. I looked up and saw a lone grunt before me and another figure in the distance. My hands reached furiously in the cold white, reaching and reaching before I saw I had dropped the hammer behind the grunt.

I inched away from the grunt, feeling the desperation and panic of one nearing his end. I could neither find the hammer nor even see it, but I remembered the knives and daggers on my belt and I hurled one at the grunt. A miss. I scrambled for a second knife and didn’t even aim. A thud. A scream, the kind I had heard a hundred times before. The figure in the distance began running toward us, and I rose and charged the grunt. Exhaustion permeated every fiber in my body. Muscle memory drove me to dodge the grunt’s clumsy swings. It was holding onto its side, clutching the embedded knife, as desperate to end the fight as I was. Finally, it committed too far on a downward swing and missed. I held down its mace with my boot and drove my remaining dagger into its face. It crumbled to the ground in a heap without even a whimper. One long exhale later, I gave the grunt’s head a forceful kick, yanking free the blade.

I hastily placed the dagger back into my belt and found my hammer a few steps away. Just as I turned to leave, a whizzing rock smacked one of my horns. I was stunned for a moment. When I recovered, the figure was close enough to see: a smaller dredge with a sling, something I had never seen before. With no shield for defense, I braced for another attack, but it never came. Instead, the dredge dropped the sling and ran to the dead grunt, cradling the body and touching it forehead to forehead, letting out a painful drone.

I knew what I had done. We always knew. Something in me wanted to stay at the gate forever, to die defending something like the grunt had. But I couldn’t bear to look at him and I couldn’t bear to look at her.

At last, I was clear of the city. I was alone. As I walked, the hills leading away from the city gave way to a snowy and steep incline. My legs forced me forward, following the trail Harald and the others had made as they fled, but each step up the hill resounded in my head. The ringing in my ears became unbearable. I turned around to look one final time and my heart cracked at the sight of the rising pillars of flame. Years and years walking the streets, patrolling the walls, drinking myself to sleep, growing camaraderie, watching the world go by. How could I forget what I had seen? How could I let it go? What future was waiting for us? But to live--to Einartoft!

#fiction #The Banner Saga #2 years later

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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897

Gonna take some liberties with bold surveys and elaborate on the ones I feel like talking about, regardless if it’s true or false; and I’ll leave blank the ones I don’t feel like touching on. You're nineteen and a vegetarian. I am three years older and eat meat almost everyday. You've been a vegetarian for over a year. You don't like John Lennon. It’s not that I don’t like him; I just don’t have an opinion on him. Of course what happened to him is very unfortunate. You are studying Mandarin Chinese. No thanks. You have blue eyes and white hair. Wrong. Dark brown and black, respectively.

People often mistaken you for sixteen or under. A few people would but I get mistaken for 17 or 18 most often. Either way everyone’s always shocked when they find out how old I actually am.

You enjoy reading and mathematics. I like reading. Mathematics not so much. You wish your family was healthier mentally. There are definitely underlying issues in there that most of them do not recognize or bother to do something about, which I find tragic because it just means that it gets passed on to future generations. Your favorite flavour of tea is mint. I mean it’s not that it’s not my favorite. I don’t like tea, period. I do enjoy other mint-flavored stuff though, like chocolate.

You listen to foreign music. Yes. I listen to American music. You watch the anime Naruto Shippuden. Other than Pokemon, I’ve never enjoyed anime. You prefer routine to your day. Yep. I like spontaneity to an extent, but when it comes down to it I find the most comfort in routine. I liked my everyday routine of getting up for school, driving, attending my classes, hanging out at Skywalk, and driving home, as monotonous as it would sound for others. It’s just more comfortable for me when things are predictable. You've never attended a concert. I’m not a big concert-goer but I’ve attended my share. I usually only go for the big acts because they’re the ones most likely to visit the country only once every few years. That being said, I’ve seen Paramore (twice), One Direction, and Coldplay. And it’s not a concert, but I also went to a WWE house show once. You're Chinese. As far as I know, no. But the history of Chinese people in our country is very extensive and I wouldn’t be surprised if I turned out to have like at least 0.6% Chinese ancestry. Your favorite sport is basketball. I tried getting into it at one point because basketball got really popular when I was in high school, but I’ve never understood the rules and as such I only watch games that my university’s team play in. Your favorite basketball team is the Lakers. When I was like, five. My dad bought an NBA game for the PS2 and the Lakers were the strongest team on that game, so solely based on that they became my favorite for a while. You basically want to marry Kobe Bryant. :( I had never felt this way, but it’s sad to come across this question now. You have a Samsung S4. Nope. I’ve never owned a Samsung phone. You hate English quite a lot. My grades in English were always good, but I just didn’t like what the class would take up. I never enjoyed analyzing literary works and cracking hidden meanings and symbolism and interpreting what characters do and say – so even though I’m able to do so, it doesn’t mean I enjoy the subject. You like playing card games. Whenever someone whips out a deck of cards at a party, 9 out of 10 times I’d stand up and move to another crowd. You think people who play League of Legends is stupid. I’m vaguely familiar with that but one thing I won’t do is shame people for what they like to do or play. You are often jealous of anything trying to take something away from you. I wouldn’t say it’s often. The feeling just pops out every now and then, and I wouldn’t describe myself as being jealous all the time. Your parents are scientists. (We are turning out to be nothing alike, my dude.) No, they are both in the hotel and restaurant industry. I secretly feel really bad because their industry is the one being hit the most during this pandemic. I’d love to tell them my concerns just so I can get it out of my system, but we’ve always been secretive with one another. You are really good at physics. I hated physics in high school, but my physics prof in college was very smart, a lot of fun, and made physics easier for me. Ended up getting a 1.00 in his class. You prefer noodles over rice. I love noodles, but no :( I never feel full from noodles and always need rice for me to feel like a meal is complete. You want to own a BMW when you're older. It would be a nice bonus, but I don’t really plan on being picky or too flashy with my cars. You were in choir in high school. I cannot sing. You like spicy food. LOVE them. I don’t have as high of a tolerance as say Koreans or Indians, but I still do like pouring chili oil or hot sauce on my dishes whenever it’s appropriate. You're short compared to your friends. I’m not dramatically short but I am the shortest out of everyone in each of my friend groups. You really like Hello Kitty and try to own a lot of it. Never liked it. I personally never saw the hype or found it adorable, but I do find it cute and fascinating when I encounter people who collect Sanrio things :) Your father is slowly dying. No, he’s in tip top shape fortunately. He plays basketball everyday and will go bike around the neighborhood sometimes. Your mother is studying in a university. She went to college in a university, but she’s not currently taking up a postgrad degree if that’s what you mean. You have a crush on someone who is younger than you. I mean, I guess. Even if she’s only a month and a half younger. You like to eat apples a lot. No fruits for me. I like certain apple-flavored things though, like juice. You've had braces and they were recently taken out. I did have braces but they were taken out around six years ago. You recently decided to have bangs for your hair. Yep and like only seven people got to see it when it was in its best form because the stupid lockdown happened righttt after. I feel like my time with bangs is definitely up but I’m not getting rid of them until I feel that enough people have seen them lmao. You eat rice at least every other day. Yeah but that’s pushing it. I have it everyday. I need it with every meal unless I was having pasta or something. You live in a huge house. It’s not huge; it’s simple and cozy, large enough for five people. You have multiple strangers living in your house with you. Nope, I live with my family. You got a large amount of Halloween candy last year. I haven’t gone trick or treating in a whiiiiile, but I did have lots of alcohol at my last Halloween hahaha. You are really good at badminton. I’m not really good, but I can hold a racket and return the shuttlecock decently. I haven’t played since the 4th grade but I think I’d be better at it now given my experience with table tennis. You like to watch Asian reality shows. I looooove the Korean reality show Return of Superman. I watch at least one segment everyday even though I’ve seen most of them at least once. You have no siblings. I have two. You hate your name. I used to, because kids tend to be bullies. I kinda love it now. You are very aggressive. I’m more passive-aggressive but I do have my aggressive moments, usually when I’ve absolutely had enough. You overeat a lot and feel very guilty afterwards. I never feel guilty about it. Food makes me happy haha. You are used to being left out. Years and years of being an outcast in school has desensitized me to it. You hate missing the person you care for. I hate it in the sense that I always wish it were easier to be together, not because I’m not supposed to miss her. You are a slow learner. Only when it comes to kinesthetic or more hands-on learning, like how to do origami or crocheting. I can’t think of any one moment that I was able to catch up whenever those kinds of activities were being taught. You don't like your teeth. I hate my front teeth and I hate that I lost my retainers. I’ve said on many occasions that one of the first things I’ll spend on with my salary is to have braces reapplied on my teeth. You have dyed your hair orange before. I haven’t. Your friends think you have a great taste in music. Not really; my friends don’t look at me and think music recommendations. But it’s fine, I never claimed to have cool music taste anyway haha. You would chose food over love anyday. Probably, lol. You often swear too much. Either when I’m by myself or with a crowd that’s comfortable with swearing. You have an older sister. No, I’m the eldest sister. Your mother owns a beautiful car. My parents own beautiful cars. You are only nice to people you trust. I’m nice to everyone, just nicer to those I trust. You like mood rings. You obsess over Candy Crush. I get phases, honestly. Right now I’ve stopped playing. You have an iPad or iPad Mini. We have an iPad but it’s like the 1st- or 2nd-gen model so it’s sorely outdated. I haven’t used it since 2016. You prefer your hair in a ponytail more. Both because of the weather and because I get more compliments when my hair’s tied up in a ponytail

You have very noticable dimples. I get compliments on those, too. My left dimple is more noticeable though; I have to smile bigger if I want my right one to show up. You always use a cute voice with people. Only with my girlfriend, and I don’t use it often. You have a blue bicycle. Part of it is blue, yes.

#survey #surveys #bold survey #that i made much longer for myself lol

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engazed · 7 years ago

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Part 1/ 2. Hi, so this will be coming from out in left field, but I was wondering in general, and you are the only person I can think of to ask. I just read this long explanation of why artists and writers won't read others work (short story: lawsuits/money). I know that somewhere out there you are a published author. Did/Do you read a lot of other fanfiction in Sherlock or other fandoms? Would reading fanfic (or just other fiction books in general) have the potential to cause you legal issues?

Part 2. It just seems so crazy to me. I would assume that most authors also really enjoy reading, so if reading has the potential to get them sued, why would anyone ever publish?? But then there would be no new books and nothing for other authors to read… It’s a really roundabout philosophical question, but I’d love to hear your opinion on it if you have any free time.

PS: side question I just thought of. Is the lawsuit potential why you write under a pseudo name online? Do you publish books also under a pseudo name? If you just prefer general privacy then lord knows I would never fault anyone on that. I have a massive weirdly possessive rant about why celebrities should be left alone in their personal lives and paparazzi are pretty much the worst people on the planet. But I won’t subject you to the whole thing lol. Anyway, your thoughts? Just in general :)

Thank you for the question. I was a little surprised by it, not because it is ‘out of left field’ (writing and talking about writing is absolutely by bread and butter) but because, while I don’t know the article you read (or was it a Tumblr post?), or the author of the post who said artists and writers don’t read others’ work, the advice/explanation is entirely wrong-footed. I’m serious about that. Professional writers and do read others’ works. They have to! It’s part of being a professional. You have to know the profession you are in. How else do you do that if you don’t know your colleagues and their works?

For example, one of the responsibilities of a writer–particularly a successful one with a strong sales record and reputation–is to read another author’s work for the express purpose of writing a review. If the novel is a work of mystery, for instance, then the publisher will reach out to another mystery novelist to help promote it, and reading and reviewing is exactly how that happens. Pick up any recent publication, and flip it to the back. You’ll see pull-quotes from reviews by critics and authors alike that go on about how wonderful the book is. Endorsing others’ work part of being a published author. You can’t do that if you’re not actively reading their work, now can you?For another example, imagine you are a burgeoning writer. Maybe you have one or two small publications, or none at all, but you’re serious about writing, finding an agent, and getting that book out into the world. How do you know you’ve got a book worth reading? How do you know your book will sell? You have to know the market, and you can’t know the market if you’re not reading! Say you’re a romance novelist. You should be reading romance! You should know the genre well, the conventions, the tropes, the pitfalls, the innovations. When you are first reaching out to agents, they’ll ask you for ‘comp titles’ (works you would compare yours to) as a way to capture their attention. How can you compare your novel to another in the genre if you’re not actively reading the works in that genre? You can’t!

How do you learn to become a good writer if you don’t read good writing? Hell, if you don’t read bad writing? If you don’t develop a sense of taste for the good versus the bad? How can you learn how to develop a character across 85,000 words, or construct believable dialogue, or pace the novel through hills and troughs, or create the perfect plot twists if you don’t read and study the masters in their craft? Impossible. Any author worth her salt will tell you that she keeps a stack of books by her bed. (Right now, I have three.) Any writer of notable quality will tell you that he reads more than he actually writes. Any writer who says differently is giving you bad advice.

The suggestion that reading someone else’s work will influence you–poison you–and that you’ll end up stealing their ideas is entirely misguided. Literature is the history of homage. We are constantly rewriting old stories, and putting our own spin on it. Constantly. How many versions of the Cinderella story exist throughout the world and throughout history? Too many to number. How many iterations exist of Holmes and Watson? We see them in Mulder and Scully, House and Wilson, Bones and Booth, and probably dozens and dozens more. Original ideas are never unadulteratedly original. We are influenced by every story we’ve ever been told, sometimes to a small degree, sometimes in greater measure. It’s what is new that you bring to it that makes it unique and fresh and worthy of being read.

My assumption, though, is that the post you refer to may have been talking about intellectual property rights. Holmes and Watson, for instance, belong now to the public domain, and we the public do as we like with them. However, Homer Simpson, for instance, is still under copyright, so you can’t just steal the name Homer Simpson, along with his character and traits, and publish it as your own. But that is a deliberate theft, and yes, you can be sued for it.

There’s the story, for instance, of the woman (Nancy Stouffer) who accused JK Rowling of stealing her concept of Harry Potter, particularly with regards of similarities between the protagonists and the word muggle. The burden of proof fell to Stouffer to prove that Rowling had indeed discovered her work prior to writing Harry Potter, which she could not.

Trying to protect yourself from lawsuits by not reading anything in the genre you write is foolish. You may as well not write anything at all. And publishing fan fiction online is not illegal (though selling it to a publisher and profiting on it may be). I don’t know how many people are publishing their fan fiction for profit, but the few cases I’m aware of do so only after changing characters’ names and other identifying details. Because really, the story is their own. The writing is their own. If you’re legitimately plagiarising, you deserve to be caught and sued. But that’s not what most of us are doing.

As is obvious, Engazed is indeed a pseudonym! It is one of two names I use online for writing. One of my reasons for writing under a pseudonym is to keep my online identities separate from my professional writing identity, because I do primarily publish under my own name. However, even in that world, I have a ‘literary’ name and a ‘genre’ name. My pen names online are about privacy and safety. Pen names in my professional publishing is less about privacy and more about branding. I’m trying to sell myself as well as my book, and there’s a persona that I need to maintain for that. I do not hide behind pseudonyms for fear of lawsuits. Pseudonyms aren’t actually very good hiding places! If you’re hit with a lawsuit, they’ll find you. But once again, that is not my concern. I write because I love to write, and what I write is original and good, and something people want to read. But I wouldn’t be any good at all if I wasn’t constantly reading as well. Books were my first teachers, and will continue to be. So please don’t fall into the trap of believing that not reading is good idea! It’s the worst advice I’ve ever heard.

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yoonminist · 7 years ago

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💕 crush stories p4 💕

My relationship with my crush is a little complicated lol she's the softes bean ever and has a lot of problems she doesn't wants to talk about and I'm the only one who's there for her but last year everything just went down because i needed a friend to be there for me but she treated me like shit so i turned to another friend and we started dating. While i was in this relationship my crush got a boyfriend (who treats her like shit) After 6 month of dating my gf me and my crush became best friends again and i spent a lot of time with her. I broke up with my gf last week because i had to realise we only dated because we were both lonely. Now I'm back at pining over the smallest cutest girl in the whole world while i have to take care of her or she would probably die dnkdks i actually got her to watch httyd with me as her bf was being an ass and she loved it even tho she usuall hates animation movies lol

you’re right this is complicated lmao so she’s still with her bf ??? even though she’s cute and has her own problems you don’t deserve to be treated like shit so i hope you cleared up whatever that was,,, i suggest you take a little time to enjoy being single before you start thinking about dating this crush now because i’ve seen people date for the sake of not being lonely and it usually isn’t good in the long term but good luck!! and i don’t know how bad her bf is but she should dump him

He's not texting since 3 days ago (our first date)... I think i don't like him any more 💔😭 we've been friends for 5 years...

:’( either he treats you better or you drop him bc you deserve better than that ♡

I think im a little strange, there's a guy that i like(a lot) he is really cool, funny and smart, but i think he is gay. Rather than i'm being sad or something alike, i ship him with his friend, but i still liking him. I'm getting crazy :')

ohhhh does he actually like his friend though or do you just ship them because you think he’s gay ?

aaa, so i've liked this guy for almost 3 months and i did the Thing where i told him (which never happens, because i'm usually way too shy and i tend to want to tamp my feelings back to nothing). that night, we spent hrs walking blocks and blocks and he told me he doesn't like anyone atm, which i understood 100%. after that, it really wasn't bad and we actually hung out at a lookout point for a few more hrs into the morning before he took me home. he's the first person in a while that made me feel so nervous, excited, fluttery, good about myself in a long time. i think (i hope) that i'll be over him soon - at the end of it all, he's still a good friend. the butterflies haven't left yet though - my lil heart won't stop hoping and he's not gonna stop being cute and gosh darn attractive and lovely anytime soon 😫 (ty for letting me rant through this! you're one of my favorite blogs 💝)

THIS IS SO CUTE ahh im glad you went for it!! even though he told you he didn’t like anybody it’s better that you know and don’t spend all this time being hung up on him and wondering about What Ifs so i’m happy for you ♡ he sounds like such a nice friend though so i’m glad you have a person like him in your life and hope that you get over him asap (and thank you !! you’re so sweet 💖)

My crush is an asshole who played push and pull with me for 3 years and recently decided to declare that he likes me, but he's still not sure about us. He said, i quote: 'what if i ask you out and then change my mind' . So we're at square one again😂 he is such an attractive guy, i can't give up on him😭

NO no matter how cute he is you should get rid of him omg what an asshole-ish thing to say,,, trust me even if it’s hard at first you’ll be way happier when you’re over him !! he doesn’t deserve you!!!! ♡

My crush is actually in Korea for the summer (no lie, he's an exchange student at my school). He's so adorable and sweet, but we almost never talk or hang out, and whenever we do I'm always the one to initiate :c Just trying to be optimistic and open about everything rn :s

optimism is good!! hopefully it isn’t because he isn’t interested or already has someone but i guess the best way to find out is always to hint at it or outright ask about his love life ??

Does it count if my crush and I recently married? lol because even though he is my husband not a day goes by that my heart does not flutter with something he does. Wether it be hugging, hand holding or even a smile directed my way, I still get butterflies like crazy. He is the most kind caring and thoughtful person I have had the pleasure of meeting. He is silly and loves laughing. He has the most beautiful eyes and smile I have ever seen. But maybe I'm just being biased lol I love my crush 💜

AWWW CONGRATS ON YOUR MARRIAGE this is so nice ✨✨✨ i love this n hope you’re happy together for As Long As You Both Shall Live

The last time I had an actual full blown crush on someone it was in seventh grade and Jesus Christ let me tell you I was so dramatic over it?? The dude's initials are M.J and I once burst into tears cause I saw the letters on my tv once and we had these letter stickers back then so I put M and J together next to the Pc and whenever someone asked about it I was like it's Michael scofield bc that was back when prison break was ongoing. God I cringe so much now when I look back at it lmaoooo

you burst into tears when you saw his initials fjngjnfjgfn

Okay so my crush is a girl and omfg, she's so pretty?? Her hair falls just above her shoulders and she has brown hair & brown eyes and I take most of my classes with her, but we have the most fun in German, Economics & Managment and Organisation. So she has a lot of... character (idk lol). She is hella stubborn and takes shit from no one but so do I so we banter and insult each other A LOT, but it's always playful so we never feel insulted. But the thing is that i'm a girl too And I didn't even know I liked girls too until I met her lol (so now i'm a closet bi girl). But the thing that gives me hope is that we low key flirt? We send each other snaps stating how much we love each other and always call each other bae/babe etc. I know girl friends do this but it's different I don't even act that way with my best friend and neither is she? And she once confessed to me that she kissed a girl when she was really drunk, but didn't feel anything with it And once we were hanging out with friends, she was drunk and this guy was lying on top of her (a friend who gets real touchy when drunk, but it was all good no harassment of some sorts) she like kept calling me to help, nothing real big. But she also got jealous once when I send a snapchat to her best friend (she was with her @ the time) & she was like why didn't you snap me? So i'm really confused and idk if she likes me too? Sorry for the ramble :(

i relate to this so much lmao i found out i was bi through my first gf too so this all sounds AWFULLY familiar,, i’ll just say if you joke about being in a r/s all the time it’s a sign that you should level it up to a real one but from what you’re telling me i have a good feeling about this!! i hope she really is into you and that you end up dating ❤ (and that you keep me updated whoops)

so im in marching band and there's this one guy in color guard who's really good and the way he can move his body is just like impossible to look away from? and he's really attractive like the other day he was wearing a shirt that had kind of a low neckline and his collarbone was really prominent and i just ahhh??? im not sure if he knows i exist but he's just really attractive help

I LOVE IT I HOPE HE NOTICES YOU AND IT’S LOVE @ FIRST SIGHT

im crushing on this guy for over 3 years. he is a meanie but i like him a lot :') this past week he confessed and said he liked me. but he is not sure if he wants a relationship. we even went out on something like a date :D im very confused rn ahahaha

you need to be clear with this kind of stuff in a r/s so just ask him!! trust your gut though, no matter how much you like him i think that if you don’t think you’ll be happy dating him then just don’t do it :’( ♡

Hey it's the anon that may or may not be gay who has a crush on the girl named Ramona. So.... I think I fucked up. A few friends of mine threw this huge party this weekend and I made sure to tell Ramona so she'd go (I mean goody2shoes at a party come on how cute is that?) So about an hour or 2 into the party she shows up with some friends and I hang around her most of the night, and when I'm not WITH her I made sure I knew where she was. See the part where I messed up is that Im not the best with alcohol... And I drank a bit much. Now I remember kissing Ramona. And that's it. However according to some friends I kissed her she slapped me I pushed her... into the pool and she left crying. Now its Monday and she wont look me in the eye (it's lunch rn and English is next) what do I do?!? I'm an obvious drunk asshole, BUT THATS THE THING! I was DRUNK! I mean I wanna apologize but I can't even get close to her with her friends there

NOOOOO oh my god you really did fuck up ;; can’t you text her asking if you guys can talk ?? tell a friend what happened and hope she’ll understand and let you explain?? honestly i have no idea but i hope you sort it out and let her know how sorry you are but also don’t beat yourself up too much!! accidents happen even if they are bad, it’s ok in the end as long as you apologise,,,,, good luck ♡ and don’t drink around her again ;;

#ask game #these are the last ones i have rn lmao #u can send more if u want !! and bc i love reading them but ill just publish now #unless it's a follow up then u Have To tell me what's going on #also disclaimer i have No idea what im talking abt so u can ignore me kfnjdknfj

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