#also this is kinda a rant? or vent? I don't know lol

[themoriartyholmes]

'Haven't I Given Enough?' — Yet They Have; A Rant on Merlin of Ealdor and Sherlock Holmes.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

Currently listening to Gilded Lily by Cults and whenever the lines 'Haven't I given enough? Haven't I given enough?' were repeated, I kept thinking of Sherlock and Merlin.

Sherlock and Merlin; the two of them have given nearly everything they had for the ones they've loved and cherished yet they've suffered so damn much in silence for those sacrifices.

The two of them were also, in my opinion, considered anti-heroes. They meant well (each one of them truly did and tried their very best in remedying their personalised trauma and achieving their own set of goals; whether that be through legal, illegal means or both.)

For example, Merlin.

Merlin had lost so much in his life for Arthur's sake as well as the golden age of Albion with nearly no help and what did he get in the end?

He had to wait for Arthur's awakening all by himself for centuries — uncertain whether Arthur would wake up or not.

He had to live through his friends' deaths, the fall of Camelot, the various evolution of societies and raging wars whilst waiting for Arthur.

Before that, he had to face all sorts of obstacles all by his lonesome self, rarely with anyone to tell of it, to get advice or Hell, even a few hugs and words of encouragement.

Sure, he had Gauis and Kilgharrah but Merlin didn't have anyone his age to talk of it all. They all died one by one and mostly he had to bury them alone. He didn't have a place to freely practice his magic without the fear of judgement or death dangling on his neck. Not to mention, certain times, the two people he could count on either didn't help that much or gave unwisely advice that eventually tore Merlin apart — situation wise, physical wise or even emotional wise.

He had done and given everything he could for Arthur's sake and happiness even though his own was always put behind. He had killed, defied his own kind even though at certain times, he didn't want to or he knew they had the absolute right to be enraged.

Still, he kept pretending to be a fool, doing the dirty work in the shadows without getting any recognition — he didn't want any.

Merlin had been through various dangerous situations and some had even nearly died in them yet he still protected Arthur with all his might and magic.

Why?

Love.

Because he loved Arthur so much — whichever way people could see it (platonically, romantically or somewhere in between) but no one could deny that the love was there.

As for Sherlock ...

Sherlock had literally lost two years of his life, years of his hard work invalidated by being called a fraud as he was tearing down an infamous criminal network all by himself without telling the people he had done it for. When he wanted to explain himself, he was thrown with the whole conundrum of emotions; which he had specified earlier on that it wasn't his forte.

He could sympathize, could even feel protective over the ones he held near and dear but he didn't show it a lot. Most times, he kept his guard up, letting everyone around him perceive him as emotionless and heartless as they could whilst worrying himself to the ground silently when things didn't go his way.

Or when it all came out wrong and he lost people that meant so much to him.

He was so damn lost after returning, rarely counting on anyone and just tried his best to patch himself up all alone despite spiralling down regardless.

All the while, of course, Mary, Magnussen and eventually Eurus happened.

Again, another question would be why would he do such things for people when he had claimed himself as a high functioning sociopath?

Because he isn't one. It's a mere facade. Not to mention, he loved John, Molly, Greg, Mrs. Hudson and Mycroft (even if they seem like enemies - that's not true) dearly.

In conclusion, the two of them had given more than enough for their loved ones. The saddest thing however is that no one told them that by each sacrifice, a part of themselves would be lost. The more they sacrificed for the people they cared for, the more they lost themselves until what was left was a tired shell of themselves.

That and the fact that both of them seemed to believe the people around them wouldn't give a damn if something were to happen to them, as if their lives were worth little next to nothing is just ... Dear Lord.

They both need a ton of hugs and love — seriously. (Oh, and definitely therapy too.)

[sealovinq]

i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)

[vilelittlecritter]

...

That was an emotional rollercoaster I wasn't prepared for.

I had one really strange dream once, I think it was 3-4 years ago, and it was so vivid it stuck with me. When I recall it, it leaves me feeling some sort of emptiness, but at the same time, there is that curiosity. I know it's just a dream and I don't really know if they mean anything (my usual dreams are pretty wacky (and always include Miraculous and Minecraft (sometimes the Promised Neverland for some reason))) but I can't help but wonder if this one says something about me and my future.

It starts in what seems to be a meadow, during the end of summer. It was pretty late in the afternoon, and I was a kid, in the middle of a bunch of adults setting up their vans to leave the place. There was this kid I can't recall the face, with unkept light blond hair chuckling and smiling at me. It seemed like we were best friends. We would hold hands and run around, hide behind the vans and the high, wild grass. It can clearly remember how transparent, gold/faint beige the grass was. It reflected the last rays of light in this very nostalgic summer scenery.

This friend and I seemed very, very close. I don't know if we were friends or something more, like some childhood crushes. But I know that in this dream, the affection for this kid was strong. To a point where I feel sad whenever I think about them.

Then, the two of us got in the van, and my friend was the one driving (dream logic). We were having a good time together, singing and laughing. Until I noticed that the the landscape through the window repeated itself, and even weirder, it was fading. I looked at my friend, panicked, and I saw a sadistic evil smile on their face. I began crying and screaming, yelling at them, but they were laughing hysterically, like they betrayed me. I began scratching their face, they didn't flinch. I don't know why but I thought this was he lost appropriate reaction lol – but I felt a true sense of despair at that moment. It felt very real. It legitimately hurted.

I can't remember what happened next, I woke up suddenly. I think the can crashed but I honestly can't recall.

When I think about it, I feel sad, as if this kid really existed, as if I experienced that betrayal in real life. Really, this shit made me emotional one night 🥲

I'm curious about your thoughts on this guys

[the-kr8tor]

Katy can I like vent for a second??

Please??

.

.

.

Ok so- why is romance mostly from what I see, about one person learning to not be afraid of falling in love?? Because that's cute and all but so overused. Why can't both parties be afraid of falling in love and figure it out together??

In romance anime it's usually the girls who struggle with being vulnerable. In American tv/movies it's usually the men.

I was watching Bridgeton and both seasons are centered around the men being guarded and undeserving of love while the female leads have these selfless ambitions who have little to no character development. This is just what I've observed ok?? I'm totally open to critism.

I think mainstream female writers follow this trend a lot. Which is why I like your writing. Either the men/women have the patience of a saint and take all of this toxic/immature behavior from the lead or they don't communicate when things go wrong.

To me, relationships are not a form of making life better but being an amazing part of it you know what I mean?? It's usually like- my life hasn't started or it just did because now I have a romantic interest. I think that's why the friends to lover trope is my favorite. The relationship has this foundation of trust and friendship.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk and sorry it was so long 💜

Also me kinda ranting under the cut

It's like that bc it's tried and tested, and the producers/ higher ups know that this kind of story sells already so why change it y'know. Yes, it sucks but that's the gist of Hollywood these days 😞 oh and also writing a good female lead is a toss of a coin for them, like some are really good, they have flaws but at the same time likeable and they have different goals instead of just "omg hot boy/girl" but from the recent stuff I've seen it's the opposite like it's either they're mary sues or just plain which is really sad especially if you see potential in the characters if they were actually written decently

But there are ofc some really good romance stories out there! And I've heard of the romcom boom with better written characters, so they're probably finally listening to ppl

I get what u mean about relationships that should start out with friendship first, like knowing them better before making kissy faces with each other y'know lol

I try very hard to make my leads likeable but at the same time having flaws, goals, and their own morals that makes them interesting. I'm glad u like how i write them bc the majority of the time i plot stuff out is centered around the characters and their relationships with the other characters

And i agree friends to lovers trope is the best

[skylerfurmaniac]

Just saying this is sorta a rant/vent post? I guess lol but it's also some other stuff.

honestly thinking about how I should just. Delete Tumblr. IM NOT GOING TO but it's not the same anymore augh. I barley am even active here anymore and if I'm going to be honest I think I'm fading away from the Deltarune fandom. Honestly the only real reason why I'm in it is because of spamton lolz but even the obsession with him is starting to fade. Which tbh, really, really, sucks for me DUDE SPAMTON WAS THE START OF MY ART AND EVERYTHING CRIES he's still a very special guy in my heart but I've kinda moved on. Ive been doing a lot with this au I made with my friends, and also getting a lot more into the kinito fandom honestly, if you cant see by now.

Spacing here cus it's sorta a vent continuing on? I think lol it's nothing to serious

But also I just am starting to feel disconnected with a lot of people now and it's.....just not the same. I miss my friends honestly and I haven't really been able to talk to them as much as I used to (hi if you know I'm talking about you) but a lot has changed and I don't know if I'm going to be staying around honestly. It kinda sucks but I felt like I had to get this off my chest and just let you all know. Hopefully I can bounce back, but right now I honestly can't see that happening. So yeah. Love you all tho/p

[sqiggle]

time for me to go on a j rant

Sorry if you don't like my very upsetting little things man (ig tw)

Ok so like ep 8 j is kinda just tere letting to world get destroyed which I mean- she's working with flesha what do you expect

The thing is while she was fighting v sue says you can't even escape it even in death?? So like- I mean fair she's probably dies so many times, and she always comes back no matter what happens or what she does (if you know you know)

Like j not switching sides upset me but I mean? She never liked n in the first place and v left her

Yea v left her for a good reason but she still left her, she wants to be safe, she's not gonna fight sonthing that she thinks she can't beat, she's got the mind set "if you can't beat it, join it"

She hates worker drones, she wants to be the best

Were getting into head Canon territory but, I feel like j in a neat freak, not as in everything needs to be clean but as in everything needs to be perfect

She n3eds to do her job, she needs to be the best, she has to protect her and v (idfk abt n)

She offered to help v, she really thought v was gonna get killed if she didn't join flesha, which I mean is kinda fair, irs not like j likes cyn at all, she hates her, she literally killed tessa, (we all know j and tessa had some sort of bond)

Like j is definitely still a bad person but I feel like she has a reason

We also don't see much of actual j, we do t see her interacting with much drones, we don't see her what she does on her own, for all we know she could a be super depressed when she's alone, honesty I wouldn't be surprised if she was

I could seriously see j be super upset nothing perfect and end up doing sh or nit picking at everything, maybe she gets a day off and she bed rots since she has actually nothing to do, we seriously have zero idea

J also seemed relatively close to v, v also seeming super upset when j betrayed them, they both lived in the manor together, they both killed together, (yes Ima ex pil rose shipper) and I feel like maybe j atleast talked to v a little bit about her problems? Maybe j just like had enough and did a small vent to v or smt

Idk if that happened or somone makes somt with that i will love it, but you know

But anyways j ranks sorry for the triggering stuff don't hate me lol

[koskela-knights]

It's Alan Wake 2's first anniversary damn....

I played the first game back in like 2018 or 2019 for a school assignment and am familiar with Remedy through PoTF instead of the other way around (many people who got to know the band through Max Payne 2 ofc)

Honestly, I didn't expect AW 2 to become such a hyperfixation but here I still am. My creativity regarding the game has decreased significantly and so have my posts but I still think about the Koskelas almost daily lmao.

(More of a vent and lament beneath the cut lol)

But to end a positive note, AW2 did incite my creativity again. So much, that in less than a year, I've written almost as much AW fics as potf fics which spans multiple years lmao

Plus, it made me fill over 10 sketchbooks, maybe another record in my fandom eras. LIke many others in the fandom, did AW2 lift my artist's block. For that, and some friends I made along the way I'm definitely grateful.

Hopefully, there's a day my pc or my console can run AW2 properly so I can actually experience the game itself.

I briefly browsed the Alan Wake tag as AW2 was about to come out and found there wasn't much of a fandom presence as there is now.

I think I came into the (awaking lol) fandom somewhat naive? Legit thought Ilmo would be more popular and thirsted after but boy was I fucking wrong.

Sadly I cannot fully share the sentiment of other fans and their sense of a family. I've ranted and vented about it multiple times before but I felt that majorly becos of my focus on unpopular characters, I kinda fell out of the fandom boat. Besides, my art style not being interesting/pleasing or whatever it was that kept and keeps notes low. I don't create just for notes, but I wish that my Koskela love could've reached more people and there could've been more interactions with other fans but often bumped into dead ends :P And in a way it just sucks that your works specifically don't get interacted with (versus others' similar works)

Also, I couldn't help but notice Remedy's own favouritism and how they don't promote some characters, even Saga who is a dual protagonist but oh well.

After the first months of hyperfixation and overdrive in drawing art and writing fics wore off, did I start to notice that clique vibe.

In that regard, I'm trying to just focus on the handful of contacts I have with some people and cherishing those friendships instead of trying to 'break into the circle' or get noticed 😂

--

[fandomfluffandfuck]

hi S ok you definitely dont have to answer this bc its basically just me venting and its pretty lame haha but im curious if its something you've ever dealt with or if u have advice... basically i have diagnosed ASD and marvel is my special interest and has been since i was a kid and im pretty positive its going to stay my favorite thing for the rest of my life lol. and sometimes i get so sooo sad and kinda lonely thinking about the fact that like .. i know its basically still one of the biggest fandoms out there but like all my favorite fics were posted like 5-10 years ago mostly from authors that arent even in the fandom anymore and theres never gonna be another movie with steve and bucky together that everyone gets excited about and wants to talk about and theres also just so much less of a fun goofy little tight knit community for stucky on tumblr and online like ... idk i just miss so bad when the mcu was at its peak and there was so much content to consume and so many people passionate about it... and i know theres definitely still a huge presence and like im so thankful that youre an author that i love thats still super active and im always glad to visit your page and to see that theres still so many fans out there that care and wanna interact yknow. but tumblrs different now and its been like ten years since peak stucky content and the actors are all doing their own thing now idk it just makes me sad 😩😩 i feel like such a loser saying it i swear i have other interests and an irl life that is very fruitful and lovely hahaha its just makes me a bit frustrated at my autism because i know i wont be able to ever really stop loving these characters even as others move on

Hey, sweets!

I understand what you mean and you're not a loser, not at all. It's fucking great to have an interest in something, anything--what else is life for? You gotta have something to be focused on and interested in that gives you joy, otherwise, what is there? Just blandness. And, yeah, Marvel fandom is still very much active and that's wonderful and great! But, it's also true that it will never be the same as it was in its heyday. Personally, I wasn't around when the stucky fandom was exploding along the release of CA:TWS/the general MCU height, but I certainly see all the old art, edits, cosplay, etc. that's still reblogged and I've read so many of the fics from years prior, so I have a grasp of what was happening. And I can totally see how you'd miss generally, but especially if your fixation has attached deeply to these characters.

I have a sibling on the autism spectrum (who's old enough to have been diagnosed with Aspergers's syndrome before that was phased out but they are, of course, on the spectrum regardless of arbitrary hierarchical labels that I will restrain from ranting about because I fucking hate that shit, don't talk to me about "high functioning" ugh) and they have a few different life-long hyperfixations as well. So, you're not alone, but, it is hard to think of any actual advice per se. I think you're already doing what you need to be doing, y'know? You're here and enjoying what is going on now, connecting to blogs that are active, finding space where you can talk about these characters, you've got other things to do that also capture your attention, and, of course, you know you're sad about what isn't going on anymore. It's okay to be sad. You can't control what you're passionate about in the same way you can't control who you fall in love with. Are these silly little fictional characters not just people we've fallen in love with a little or a lot, no matter if they don't "exist"? I love that for us. Humans are so cute and full of love.

Fandoms and people change and sometimes it fucking sucks when it happens, sometimes it's great. Either way, it's part of the ecosystem of life. Water and nutrients and air and sun--it makes people change, it makes them grow, and you're allowed to be sad about what they used to be, you just have to keep growing, too. Remember what they were and know who they are now.

Hopefully, something in there helped you feel better, even if it was just from telling someone how you feel.

[carbonbasedmatter]

ig i've had tumblr long enough so here's my intro yay

★ABOUT ME: you can call me trey, tris or something related to my url :) he/they, istp, minor, audhd, south asian, trans guy, demiromantic(?) bisexual

★BYF: this should go without saying but dni if you're racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, xenophobic, exclusionist or just discriminatory in general

I made this blog so I could have somewhere to be myself I mainly post about fandom stuff, fictional characters, music, my art, rants and random personal stuff (I also vent here sometimes if you're uncomfortable with that please block the tag)

i'm a multishipper I guess...I don't know I just like analyzing different dynamics between characters and seriously cannot tell the difference between romantic and platonic stuff sometimes

english isn't my native language so sorry if I make mistakes/don't make sense sometimes

other than that im just a teenager so also naturally a bit cringe and annoying (that's what I tell myself anyway😞)

send me asks about me or my interests pls pls pls (school has been kicking my ass lately so it may take me a few days to respond I swear I do like getting them though)

I love talking to people and making friends idc if we have like one thing in common feel free to message me

★LIKES/INTERESTS

reading, art, sleeping, music, alt subcultures, chess, plants, fall, queer history, global history, the middle ages, chemistry(love hate relationship with the subject) crocheting, mbti, skating, philosophy ( esp existentialism), ranting, crystals, sea animals, bats<3

★FANDOMS(idk if i'll post abt all of these lol):

heartbreak high

ghibli movies

osemanverse(mainly solitaire)

mphfpc

bojack horesman

the magnus archives

total drama island

south park

derry girls

the good place

community

parks and recreation

nathan for you

brooklyn nine nine

young sheldon(NOT tbbt)

breaking bad

heathers

mlp

tmnt

star trek

death note

blue period

the promised neverland

the disastrous life of saiki k

gilmore girls

carmen sandiego 2019

the owl house

adventure time

alexa and katie

the worst witch

just add magic

gortimer gibbon’s life on normal street

the perks of being a wallflower

stand by me

a series of unfortunate events

fear street

dead poets society

the outsiders

★MUSIC:

pixies, mcr, mitski, radiohead, mbv, car seat headrest, the front bottoms, system of a down, dazey and the scouts, florence and the machine, asleep at last, teen suicide, queen, neutral milk hotel, nirvana, the cure, the brobecks, paramore, ajj, brockhampton, tyler the creator, childish gambino

(music is my special interest so there's a lot more hehe but I kinda tried to include a few from each genre)

★SOCIALS:

mutuals/followers can ask for them cus im terrified of someone I know irl finding this account lmao

i've gotten really comfortable with tumblr though so this is basically my main form of social media right now

[snufflepup]

I'm glad you'll check it out! Though sorry, I'm like kinda just ranting on about my favorite media in these asks -_-' but I can't wait to see if you like it! I like knowing people like the things I recomend^^ I loved loved Mike and Mal, but since I saw season one back a bit ago, I was a total Duncan fan girl (now fanboy lol) >.< he's just so!!!! Yk? Though his character development over the seasons wasn't the best :< I remember I liked Gwen and zoe a lot, and scott was cool too from what i remember. I used to hate Alejandro, but tbh he warmed up to me in the last season he was in, I think. And there's the book of Bill that came out recently, teasing at stuff, though. idk if anyone knows what's going on with it lol. And I think I might be fine on watching that video, it takes a lot to make me cry (not to try and be insulting or anything). I think the last time I cried was when my gf broke up with me, but I mean before that Idk when I cried lol.

I remember when I was 5, I'd cry every night cause I thought the sun would explode and we'd all die lol. I think tears would look cute on you, a cute little puppy face all puffy and wet with tears, ahh! It just sounds the cutest!<3 but yeah, I had existential dread at that age too, wondering whats the point in living if no one will really actually care. Thats why i wanna become a famous youtuber one day! Then everyone would remember me, or that'd be the plan. Though the older i get, the less i feel like that dream is obtainable for me. All that youtube cares about is clickbait and dumb shit, and i cant see myself gaining an audience cause i mean i post on my tiktok weekly and i struggle to even get 100 views, so its kinda depressing the more i think about it. I used to be so hopeful and excited to be able to share myself online and make people happy, but it kinda just feels out of reach now. And given I used to be a gifted kid, I mean I could have actually done something with myself when I was younger, but as I got older I just couldn't apply myself as easily and gave up on thinking entirely. I actually can't think at all because of that and just hope I understand the concept on the first try like before or I'm fucked lol. I'm actually sad now kinda and realized I just kinda vented to you- sorry puppy :<

-ike<3

It's alright ! I don't mind at all !!

I remember liking him in the beginning, but not so much later on, I understand what you mean about his character development didn't go in the best direction !! I'm really excited for whatevers going on with it ! I feel like I can get really emotional very easily at times, I wouldn't say that I cry a lot but . I kind of do at the same time . I recently cried over a video of someone talking about how they lost one of their pets, and the other one missed them a lot and stuff . I probably cried harder than I should have . It was so sad (◞ ⸝⸝ ◟ ) aaa ! I'm blushing . /pos

I think I had the same kind of thoughts, the memory is a little fuzzy now though, so I don't really remember exactly what they were. I'm sure if you keep at it, you can do it !! I think, from what I know at least, it's definitely harder than what it was at like the start of youtube and like you said it's all like . click bait and disengenuous and things like that, but I also see a lot of people talking about how they don't like it so I'm sure that means it's not hopeless ^–^ A lot of people also say you should do what makes you happy, and not to focus so much on views and stuff but idk ! I'm not one so take what I say with like a grain of salt !! Growing up is hard. . . I think it's okay to feel like things are harder now, because they are ! I don't think that means your not like, gifted or anymore, I think it just means things have changed . Sorry I don't think I made very much sense. . . I feel like I just said things, but I'm trying to say I think you are still important

I hope you feel better now ! I'm sorry this took so long, too

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

//spoiler talk for Agatha All Along...I am just having feelings ...this is me rambling so these are basically tag rants but since there is apparently a tag limit now... we are here!!!

okay I am going to talk a bit about teen

cause all these discourses are kinda going around in my head and I need to vent about it

-He is an amateur obsessed with witchcraft and in extension with Agatha…so he wanted Agatha to take him to witches road

-He said he wants power to cast to shield to do spells as he is lacking them

-Of course now we saw in the last epi he already have these powers but I think it's more of a emotional outburst than him actively channeling

-He was distraught over Alice's death with whom he bonded the most, and he felt betrayed and belittled by both his hero and the rest of the coven

-Calling him a pet, familiar etc. not letting him have a say not counting him as part of the group…and he desperately wants to be a part of this community ….it shows...

-He is always so eager to learn and gets excited about all the witchy stuff

-But he also deeply cares about them

-He is the one who from the beginning was trying to keep the coven together

-Asking them to work together

-When Sharon died he is the one who said that they were all suppose to look after each other and they failed

-He is the one who said people can't be replaced

-In Alice's challenge when both Jen and Agatha were blaming Alice, he is the one who asked them to leave her alone

-Even during the last trial when the entire coven turned on Agatha he kept reasoning and pleading with them not to do so

-He was concerned for Agatha …saying there has to be some other way

-When Agatha was pleading with the coven to not leave her behind…I know Rio stood up for her

-But so did Teen

-He was literally moving forward to grab Agatha away from the ghost when it re-possessed her and then Alice stepped up

-He snapped only when they all failed to revive Alice and then left her there

-And he realized that they are always going to be selfish and they will never consider him an equal

-He is a teenager

-He is lashing out

-This is understandable…..they have been very callous and at times cruel towards him; he is allowed to have this enraged reaction

-I don't think that makes him some mastermind who was orchestrating the whole thing from the beginning.

-I could be wrong but his enthusiasm felt genuine when he came to Agatha

-Obviously we don't know anything about his backstory

- While Agatha was trapped in the mind-spell…what exactly was he up to?…why did he come only at this point to break her out of her spell?

-Since I hear we are getting a teen specific flashback next, I guess they are going to answer those in the next epi/epis.

-So yeah it could be that he is trying to avenge Wanda or trying to find his brother but for me it just feels that he wasn't disingenuous with his intentions initially.

-Watch me getting proved wrong... may be I am reading too much into it.

-I have my biases …the Teen/Agatha relationship is very much akin to Regina/Henry in my mind... maybe I am projecting!

-Oh well it's gonna be answered soon I just want their relationship to grow and evolve and not regress I am invested in them ok ugh...I am going to shut up now...

If anybody wants to chime in feel free...and whoever is reading this ...if anyone actually is.....thanks for putting up with my nonsensical outbursts lol!

[riririnnnn]

Most of all, hello again! And before you ask, no, I'm not a telepath or a psychic. I mean, I was a psychic for a mini time to steal— I mean, make money fairly. :D

Back here again… I'm glad you've found some new hobbies and are doing other things! Of course, I'm also very sad when I see that you're stopping writing because maybe you feel like it's becoming more of an obligation than something cool that you're doing to share. I'm really feeling like a balance, I'm happy and sad because you really are one of the few creators of quotev that I like and you were also the one who gave me the starting point to start writing my Blue lock povs. <3

So what I'm really going to say here now as a young Brazilian who accidentally took a six bloody month psychology course is; Don't try too hard or force yourself to do something you no longer want to do. If that second one is the case then I just wait for a post like "It's over, I'm done writing, Bye and Lol."

And one more thing, I'm like air. You may not see me or smell me, but sometimes you hear me and feel me— :D

Ily, bye-bye darling.

—TJ. 🇧🇷

PS; Don't worry, I probably won't actually kill someone and I'm sorry about the accidental double ask.

Ah, well, I consider myself as a lawful good, but I don't mind the idea of, y'know, stealing money from the rich. Like, I don't condone the idea of stealing—that's a bad manner, but stealing from the rich? I understand that.

And you are scaring me now..

Like, be honest, do you have any special supernatural power? Do you have a camera in my room or something? 'cause how do you know that yes, writing indeed started to feel like an obligation to me—I lost the sparks—especially during those times when I, out of the blue, started to lose motivation to write.

You see, personally, I think the most important thing for a Fanfic writer is that you should have fun while writing! I mean, it's not a job, so you should enjoy it! And I've been living by this motto ever since I, myself, became a Fanfic writer.

But lately, I wasn't able to feel the same, y'know.

Whenever I do random things, I think of my books, the potential future plot and stuffs, and I always have this stupidly big smile on my face during the whole time—you might even think I'm mentally ill or something because I'm feeling that much of happiness!

However, you can say a couple of weeks to be completely honest, I wasn't able to feel the same joy, y'know, Instead of smiling and giggling like an idiot, I ended up frowning whenever I opened the books. My face used to be like: >:( It started to feel more like a chore of something, and I couldn't confess it truthfully until now because, well, haha, I thought it was very rude of me to say so.

I kinda don't have any idea why I started to feel this way, but I'm sure that the book Cliché had a pretty big hand behind this—I think I did vent about it to you some months ago (?).

I mean, it's very arrogant of me to say this, but I took (maybe take?) pride in the fact that I never suffer(ed) from writer's block and that my imagination power is very strong—ideas always keep flooding in my mind and story automatically formed on its own as I typed. However, I never realised that having so many ideas can also mean that they may not connect very well to eachother, y'know.

And that's exactly what happened while I was writing the book Cliché. I had abundance of ideas for the story to proceed, but they just didn't link up which frustrated me and, I guess, also damaged some of my ego.

I won't say I'm done with writing though :) I still like it a lot, and I'm, slowly, getting back into the track—it may take a while, I think.

Oops, I ranted a lot :p

Thank you so much! You are very, very sweet <3

Also, "You may not see me or smell me, but sometimes you hear me and feel me," hm? That's scary, hehe :p

And LMFAOOOO! Glad to know you won't actually kill someone, lol.

Take care <3333333333

Sending you lots of love!!

[lab-trash]

hi!! aplogies if this is pushing but i really really really love your michie fic titled “H̶e̶r̶” and i was wondering if you’re planning on updating it at some point?? no pressure i just love the premise a lot and i am HOOKED

[also i really hope i have the right blog lol]

Okay, so first off. Right blog? Yes and no? I am the person who wrote Her, but this is more of my... sci-fi, supernatural blog? Which I suppose NPMD could key into, but it's much more sitcoms and movies. (Also just my personal rants, vents and other bullshit)

That being said, I've gotten a confused person looking for my musical theatre blog enough times that I definitely should create a pinned post including my other blogs.

My musical theatre blog, for future reference, is @im-not-a-l0ser . Very fitting if you ask me ^-^

Anyway! About your question! I do plan on updating it at some point, I just don't know when that point will be. Something that keeps me on top of my stories is writing chapters in advance so I don't get burnout. Example, I'm writing Beanies right now and there are nine chapters posted. Chapter 10 is complete, but I haven't yet finished chapter 11, so I'm not posting Chapter 10, and Chapter 11 won't be out until Chapter 12 is complete. (This also allows me to double-post chapters when I'm finishing a book, although this has not actually happened yet.)

I did not start doing this until after starting Her. I'm stuck with Her, because I don't know what direction I'm going into, and I don't know where to start. Also doesn't help that my parents were never formally divorced (they have 6 kids and had been married for over 20 years by the time they separated; can't blame them) so I really don't know anything about the process. I know it's long and gruelling and stuff, but I don't know how quickly I'd be able to just gloss over it. But I suppose maybe Gary Goldstein (Attorney At Law) is a good enough lawyer to get it wrapped up real quick lol.

I understand that Her is more of an angst and trans-comfort gold mine, but feel free to take a peak into my other books, which are updated slightly more frequently, such as Beanies or Zeek: The Fighting Nighthawk. Beanies is more building friendship secretly between them, while Zeek: The Fighting Nighthawk has them becoming friends with one under false identity (obviously, that's Zeek.) Beanies does also include the same character being trans, but it's not a major plot/talking point (yet). I really appreciate the support, I'm just going to be very busy between planning for pride and writing for Beanies (I have a trio of chapters coming out that I want to get out of the way before I pick up something else; I don't want burnt out on this before I even finish the pride event stories.)

If you want something of mine that's complete, I have a handful of one-shots, such as Dance with Death (spoilers for Workin' Boys and Abstinence Camp), Max Jagerman's Socks, r/TrueOffMyChest (you can actually find some backstory for that on my blog under an ask @/24-guy sent in), and Max Jagerman's Private Story.

I also have an ongoing porn saga but we're not gonna talk about that right now

Hi! If you follow me for LREF, Stranger Things, It, etc. and you for some reason read this whole thing. You should totally go watch the Hatchetfield musicals! If you like musicals (some people don't lmao)

If you're interested, they have a rich lore, many meta-jokes, and a currently active fandom which you might enjoy (looking at you LREF fandom. That is to say, like six people.)

If you are interested, it's The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, Black Friday, and Nerdy Prudes Must Die. They're all free on YouTube, recorded by the creators and they're all absolutely fantastic IMO. Watch them in that order though! If you don't, you'll be really confused! This is a trilogy (kinda), the world is the same (kinda), the previous shows give context for world building and jokes.

If you do watch them, please please come talk to me about it over on @im-not-a-l0ser . I do highly recommend blocking the tags though before you've finished them. Spoilers can happen really easily, and when it comes to Hatchetfield, something that might seem small or insignificant (or maybe just extremely confusing) probably means something pretty big overall.

(Ps, there's also a 'mini series' called Nightmare Time. It definitely gives some context and it expands upon Hatchetfield as a whole, but it's not technically necessary to watch. I'm not gonna force anyone to watch it, just because there's so goddamn much of it.)

[twilightofthe]

okay i put all my cranky thoughts into a separate post that's now drafted and it made me feel better so i'll be able to watch this episode now lol but if it gets me worked up again i'm posting the rant i'm sorry i cannot be helped or changed or saved <3

ANYWAY AHSOKA EP 2

also i forgot to say so last episode but kevin kiner my ABSOLUTE BELOVED the return of the king is real so happy to have you here my dude the ending and full theme was absolutely gorgeous

anywayyyyyy so i am guessing sabine did not make like satine and survived her shish kabobing

well there's ahsoka

oh yeah there's bean she's fine she'll be fine xD

damn filoni really gave more handwaving to having a character survive a major impalement vs me twisting myself into fucking knots writing anakin getting run through lmao

ahsoka sorry but actually i'm gonna blame u for this you still kinda seem like a mess and i don't think you were a very good teacher to sabine and now ur dropping back in on her when she's convenient to you?

well at least we know why she's so adamant against training baby yoda lol

ope here's goth girl and the fuuuuck is his NAME again i keep calling him fucking bryan

i like the fancy sithy-looking sundial tho

pfff second ep is "toil and trouble" guess we're getting witchy!

OH YEAH WAS SABINE'S KITTY OKAY

THEY BETTER BE OKAY

I SWEAR TO GOD

yea ahsoka what happened to showing up in the nick of time and saving kanan and ezra from inquisitors in rebels u were slowwww girlie

OK GOOD THE CAT IS OKAY

that's all that matters

ope one more droid hanging around ezra's place

GIRL UR SITTING UP ALREADY?!

GIRL HOW CAN U BREATHE

we do love the mechanic girl of my heart

sabine does love her explosions

no huyang hera just likes explosions

sabine works best under explosive pressure we LOVE HER

ope back to corellia i guess? we can reuse the old solo sets?

sabine

you were just

impaled

"but she's not the one who needs to hear it right now" ahhh there's the sabine and hera dialogue. ugh but i'm still not used to natasha and mary i can just hear tiya and vanessa doing it instead :(

WHY DO Y'ALL KEEP MAKING SABINE AND AHSOKA ANGRY EXES TF

"ancient ppl from a distant galaxy" waaaaaaait are they bringing in those eu dudes

no wait i think i remember something about these guys that was mention as the big bad in the canceled animated rebels sequel

or it could just be the chiss lmao

that could be it too, makes sense why they'd want thrawn

ok that is some real cool galactic map visuals i am an absolute sucker for a good starmap

ok but wait how the fuck did y'all get a map to thrawn anyway did the space whales write it

also sorry morgan but i don't personally think thrawn would go for u nothing personal you are hot but you don't quite seem his type

waaaait is fucking thrawn gonna have force sensitivity now THAT would be absolutely hilarious and he'd hate it so much

who's marrok i have no memory

y'all you can't just make thrawn work for you didn't he only work with the empire cuz he had to because it would advantage his people somehow (has read zero thrawn novels and only seen rebels)

please tell me sabine is in the fucking vents of ahsoka's ship

THERE'S THE GHOST WHERE IS CHOPPER

I AM NO LONGER FUCKING ASKING

okay so i think my issue with Mary is she doesn't have any of the same authority and purpose Hera's meant to hav

CHOPPER

CHOPPER

MY MURDERBOT

MY SON

MY ANGEL MY EVERYTHING

Anyway

yeah

oh yeah harping in that the new republic is a total fustercluck

ew a capitalist

bro you know hera used to steal from people like you for the rebellion

sdlkfjsdk omg sabine's mom needs to talk to the teacher to keep her from getting expelled

but also y'all sabine is like 25-30 right now she's not a kid

@ ahsoka bitch you have no fuckin clue what you're doing doooon't talk about readiness

y'know maybe the imperial era just advanced medicine so later impalements don't kill people

oh oh so it IS ezra's!

sabine go find luke he'd love to have you

STOP WITH THE GAY DIALOGUE

ok so yeah she likely doesn't have force sensitvity

goddammit huyang neverMIND

so sabine IS force sensitive :) and kanan and ezra just never brought it up :) great :)

hera my beautiful ship nerd ily

bitch do NOT fuck with hera she has more presence than anyone ever

hera my dude you know better than anyone that if a ship wants to take off you gotta go try and stop it in person

ah i have been waiting like 5 long years to watch hera best pilot there was kick aerial ass

we STAN

chopperrrrrrrrr

oh yeah ahsoka's fighting an inquisitor too lmao

CHOPPER GET THEIR ASS

CHOPPER ADD TO YOUR KILL COUNT

ok this hera and chopper banter is perfect i do love it

VICTORY FOR MY GHOSTS

oh and good job ahsoka lol

aghhh sabine and her therapy cat i'm ;_;

theeeeere's sabine's mando armor

SABINE AND KANAN'S FUCKIN KNIFE I'M GONNA EVEN IGNORE THE BAD MULAN HACKJOB ATTEMPT

okay it seems like mary's kinda on and off for hera so far, she has her moments but she can't hold them

rosario keeps losing me i'm sorryyyyyyyy

natasha is doing GREAT

aaaaaand we redoing the end of the rebels epilogue!

god this makes me miss zeb

and kanan obvs but i've come to accept his death

zeb's still hanging around where is he!!!!!

ah all is right

sabine has her gay haircut back

here we go gay roadtrip to find ezra time

alright so i'm still not really vibing with jedi!sabine at All but i have concluded that this show is watchable but honestly not that good, writing-wise, sorry dave, so i think i'll be able to watch it with my brain turned off

goddammit first i thought the holograms visiting morgan were nightsister witch ghosts xD

RIGHT RIGHT HIS NAME IS BAYLAN NOT BRYAN

morgan stop simping for thrawn i guaranTEE he's not your type

oKAY

we are through with the two episodes! it is very late for me so i'm gonna sit and think on what i've seen so far and shitpost a little. i did really like seeing my rebels blorbos again even if the live action actors don't quite have their groove yet. obviously very excited to retrieve ezra <3 so yeah that was that and i'll be back for more next week!

[lemon-tea-leaves]

hiya, remaking a pinned for myself because i need to update some things. X)

we're lemon (or tea), also known as the lemon tree. We use "i" and "we" interchangeably, because we are i, i am we, and we are lemon.

i'm 24, and they/them tends to work for the collective. i have other brain stuff that i might talk about here, too, but this is mostly an acc for talking about DID and, kinda by extension, (C-)PTSD.

i'm black and we collectively identify as non-binary because of DID gender fuckery and also the fact that a lot of us are nb lol.

i prefer the term "person with DID/pwDID". i do not want to be referred to as plural or multiple, as those terms don't describe my experiences.

this is a sideblog! likes and follows come from elsewhere.

fyi

my stance on syscourse is that i have zero desire to be involved in it; there are more important things to discuss + some of y'all use it as a reason to be awful. do not tag my posts with syscourse tags, i.e., "[syscourse label] dni".

i am hoping to achieve final fusion once i'm in a better living situation.

i see myself as parts of one whole rather than multiple people in one body. i may refer to us as [part]-lemon or [part]-host-lemon for illustrating our connections to the whole. respect our individual needs and boundaries, but do so equally.

i have a cluster B PD and i do not tolerate ableism towards cluster B folks, including those with NPD and ASPD. i may not have either but i don't engage with people who demonize cluster B PDs or any other disorders

yeah this isn't much of a dni because frankly the only way i can control who interacts with me is via blocking.

tagging system

#lemon.docx or #[part].docx - for posts i've made or added to

#[part] tag - for posts that remind me of certain alters

#reblog - for reblogs

#a cure for what ails queue - for the rare queued posts, i don't really use my queue much lol

#vent - for vents or rants. these may end up being deleted later.

#sys stuff - for DID stuff

#personal - for things that are less general and really only apply to me. if you find them relatable, though, then worm

#informative - for informative or scientific posts

#sweet tea - for positive posts

i get too nervous to add things to the normal tags sometimes. 😅

(IDs in alt text; I don't know if you're meant to ID dividers but I did so just in case, I hope I did it right 😅; parts stuff below cut)

Frequent Fronters:

☀️ – daylight; they/them

🐝 – bev; they/it

🌤️ – day; he/they

Around + Comfy Being Named:

🕸️ – chloë; they/she/it

🔥 – nix; he/xe/they

🦋 – sophia; they/she/it

🍨 – tuesday; she/fae/they

👑 – karma; he/they/it

Around + Uncomfortable Being Named:

🌸 – they/she

🌧️ – he/it

🐭 – she/her

[mrsackermannx]

Thank you for your reply. You are really kind ily 🥹🥹

Pcos is really hard to deal with. It has fucked me up so bad. From facial hair to hyperpigmented private parts, it has given me everything. I'm so fucking insecure. It's hard not to be😭 I wanna look pretty. My doc gave me heavy meds I was nauseous the whole time I took the tablet. It was hell. Besides i had severse foodpipe ulcers. Now I'm off tablet. I'm just so much so worried about my hair only. I also had to have dandruff!!! Just my life ugh. I had hair down upto my knees. I had to cut it short as it got tangled all the time and it made extra hairloss. Im jsut 18. Haven't even joined university yet. Other girls are pretty ugh. Sorry I jsut ranted. I'm tempted to just shave my head at times. I cry every night lmao.

It is kinda good to know that I'm not alone (although I hope none of us have to grow through this) and thanks for the "don't"s 🫶🫶

Do you have any scalp washing tips btw?

If I touch my head, there's no hair..it's just touching my scalp directly lol bald me

BEAUTIFUL GIRL OF COURSE! I never want my pcos girlies to feel silenced???😚😚 first of all….Oh the facial hair has been kicking my ass since i was 15 and im 21 girl 😭😭 but i will say, at 19-20 it peaked for me, i hit rock bottom and i do think that the external stress of uni pushed it but i also thing it’s a genuine like canon event for us pcos girlies, i truly believe that until ur pcos really gets you down, you can’t rise up from it. i was the biggest id ever been, lost all my hair, facial hair was insane!!

i mean this in the best way, because I’ve been there girl, i still am there, i get laser on my face and neck, i wash my hair and like it gives me anxiety just washing my hair and seeing the loss, feeling the loss of density, like you i had hair down my back my whole life and i cut it over a year ago and now it has grown back thicker at least bc mine was all straggly at the worst point😭 i KNOW your pain.

BUT everybody always told me that the older i get it will level out and trust me it does!! and it did. im 21 and things have settled, we can only go through this process. i promise you, it gets better. my hair is still thinner but it shines and i put love into it!! i oil my scalp every time i wash it, I’ve been doing it for 8 months religiously.

and girl you are pretty!! i used to read the r/pcos thread a lot bc it made me feel less alone and like, i saw a post once venting about how hard it is having so much maintenance, to wake up and have to shave your face, to be conscious, to have to cover hair loss. that constant weight of having to get up and do all these steps that you feel other women don’t. i know the frustration, i have bumps and marks and body hair that makes me sob if I don’t shave it and then I look down in the shower and it hits me. but it’s also okay to pay for the things like laser or waxing, or learning how to wax etc, we have to manage in any way, we are allowed to prioritise and do things that make us feel beautiful bc we deserve it. we have to adapt rather than hoping it might just disappear, and we have to accept it🥺🩷

but diet is huge!! at least try and have a protein heavy breakfast!! 30g of protein is such an important aim, I promise that makes such a difference. definitely try not to have a lot of sugar in the morning. i only drink water or spearmint tea. matcha tea can be good bc it’s better then coffee, but I never drink caffeine because it’s so bad for us pcos girls especially on an empty stomach!! try and eat good fats!! and also integrating exercise!! and also MANAGE STRESS BABE I MEAN IT

but you are still beautiful, effortlessly and with your ways of coping. there is nothing wrong with us!! don’t be sorry for ranting at all, i also wanted to shave my head at the height of my weight loss i had a huge bald spot and it’s still kinda there 😭 i know this shit is REAL

but definitely check in with a doctor if you can get any advice/meds that could help, maybe a birth control pill could help you but again I don’t recommend that due to my own experiences bc it gave me severe acne, migraines and other things but tbf my hair was lucious😜, pcos is a lot of trial and error and seeing what might work for you.

as far as tips go!! look into Indian/arab/ayuverdic routines on TikTok/youtube!!! look up ways to massage your scalp!!!

here are my fave creators !!

@golabbeauty on tiktok for hair loss, hair oiling, diet, she has pcos herself!

@zoeantonia_ tiktok + instagram!! pcos positivity for facial hair, bloating, skin!! she also gives great diet and workout advice and she’s amazing!!

@mila.magnani on tiktok! pcos creator amazing!!!!!!

but i want you to know that you don’t have to start everything now, that you can eat something one creator says not to!! you will find your rhythm with this! steal, twist, tailor everything you hear and see creators doing !! whether it’s making your own mixture of oils for oiling or making some kind of nightly mock tail for your hormones you’ve found!! either way i believe in you and im always here <3333 educate yourself but don’t overwhelm yourself! time is your biggest ally, my heart goes out to you angel <3