#also this has kinda happened to me before in different fandoms where people were asking me if i agreed with a hc

[jessiesjaded]

popular fandom artists being seen as like Word Of God by other fans will always have me like No <3

[florsial]

you should totally talk about ur lily more😔 (pleasepleaplepleasepleaspeleaapleaase)

Sigh, I have a very love-hate relationship with Lily with how some of her fans can get. Unfortunately, I did post about her at some point but took it down. Truthfully, I do love her in my own personal way.

Anyways, here's some headcanons:

-She's from Spain and was raised Catholic. Her family moved to the UK and unlike Petunia, Lily settled kinda well while Petunia wasn't used to the sudden change in environment. They moved when Lily was 10 and Petunia was 12.

-I feel like people will hate me for this, but I think her friendship with Severus was one of the most important ones. First friend-first love kinda of thing. They were each other's first person and even when they part ways, Lily will still feel fond of him even when they both wronged each other (because there is no way in hell two lonely teens weren't gonna hurt each other one way or another). Modern AU version of them is just two teenage girls who don't know where the boundaries of romantic-platonic end and begin which causes a lot of weird feelings and toxicity (don't ask how I know that)

-She's like one of those people who are like "Stop doing that, you're making me stressed", and the other person just placed a book in a different place. There is always a certain way she likes things done because she feels like works better, so if another way is introduced, she will be skeptical about its efficiency

-I don't see her reading fiction books all that much. She would much prefer biographies to draw her life inspirations from, literature essays to validate her internal points, and poems for small readings to just relax with. I think if she would read nonfiction, they would definitely have an overall message that she obsesses over. However, I think she would LOVE magazines.

-Not all that into movies, I don't think she would have the patience to watch them.

-We as a fandom must never forget her skill for potions. I think in the muggle world, she was very into chemistry (I've always found this funny stereotype about religious people not liking stuff like chemistry)

-Much more easily agitated during the war. Her head was constantly filling with regrets and a back-and-forth desire to run back to Petunia or stay with the Order. Once Harry was born, she kinda had this melancholy look about her, she won't be able to return or try to make amends with her sister for a long long time, or if she's even able to. At every meeting, she had a frustrated look in her eye but when she was pregnant/after Harry's birth, she just looked like she was reluctantly accepting a terrible fate. She's happy with the family she's crafted for herself but also misses when she didn't have to go through the loneliness of making one for herself because she had Petunia and that was more than enough for Lily.

-I don't think she regrets helping muggles at all. That's not what I'm saying. I'm more in the thinking that she wanted to the comfort of her own family in a such difficult time. Jealously when Regulus dies, Sirius can finally mourn and put his family to rest while Lily fears for her family's life every day as they live, living in regret and feeling like an outcast. James and his parents and her desire for her mother when she's pregnant, yes Effie is kind, but she isn't Lily's mom. Remus has the comfort of knowing his family is safe because Lyall is a wizard, and the same can go for Peter. Lily's family probably doesn't even know what was happening.

-All that anger and frustration kinda boils over and I WISH that JK Rowling made her more angry before her death. Lily's life was unfair! She deserved to yell and scream, plea for her son's life but also cuss out Voldemort. Screaming and crying (literally), shaking with fear but also anger, and I know, female characters can be soft/sensitive/emotional, it's not a bad thing. It's just I wish she was more angry/a mess because she was seen as a witty, sharp-tongued girl! This stereotypical fierce redhead! I would've been fine with her simply pleading for her son's life even in the most pathetic way (no shame) but her personality was established as being very fierce by JK Rowling!! But this could honestly be just me and yes, I know, situations change people sometimes. I just wished there was more anger, or maybe I'm angry on her behalf lol

-Teenage Lily is the helpless romantic, the girl who reads real-life love stories to prove love is real, the girl who cheers her boyfriend on the field, and the girl with gum and finished homework notes that could be given to anyone who needed them. But 20-21 year old Lily the tired woman who cried for her mother when she had her first child, the tired woman who wanted her sister's hugs again, the tired woman with sickly green eyes and moved too slowly for a woman in her early 20s, and the tired woman who watched everyone like a hawk at Order meetings that talked of more death. She sits in the corner, the chair seemingly too big for her, or anyone for that matter, and watches with frustrations simmering under her eyes. Sometimes give a cutting remark that Sirius laughs to.

[signanothername]

Ough, I'm wondering I know I know we should try and figure out ourselves BUT im wondering. Are you soul colors you use for color's flame in your comic hold any significance? I'm not sure if I'm just... overanalyzing things. Especially since there's a shift to a rainbow to more solid soul color switches from the first few panels to the other ones. Thanks!

Nah I’m actually glad you asked cause I actually love when people analyze the shit outta my comics, it makes me so happy cause i actually love to put all sorts of details in them gdgdgdgdh

I was even planning on replying to your tags cause they were so good dhdhhdh but i might as well use your ask to do so

And in fact, Color’s soul colors do hold a very big significance! I specifically chose the color depending on how Color is feeling or depending on the situation that’s happening ( this is far from what’s actually canon for Color, as the shape of the flame is actually what gives hints about his emotions in canon, so take the colors changing as simply a headcanon i love jdhdhdhhd)

Color starts with a rainbow cause he’s on a hike, he’s feeling all sorts of emotions (I headcanon that Color loves hiking) but it also represents that Color isn’t feeling one emotion strongly over others

Then when he sees Nightmare, the colors turn to a solid color one at a time, but if you look closely you realize the colors i chose are specific to the situation

Here’s an example

When color talks about whether Killer wanted “payback” I specifically chose yellow cause it’s the justice soul in Color, then it changes to blue when Color tells Killer that he loves him more, and blue is for integrity, then it turns to orange when he tells Nightmare about Killer’s message to him cause it requires bravery to say such things to the likes of Nightmare, and so on the colors keep changing to suit the situation throughout the comic >:)

And allow me to reply to your tags here (they’re so good i love them sm dhhdhdhhd)

And thank you for liking his design shdhhzh i just really wanted to draw him with a different outfit, especially since he’s on a hike, a lil adventure if you will, so i wanted to have him be pretty <33333

And as for the clasp it was honestly unintentional hdhzhsh but now that you mention it I definitely need to have Color wear all sorta things that point to his besties, idk i feel like Color would be the type to do that a lot dhhxhxhxh

And i’m glad you called Nightmare pathetic actually cause that’s what i was aiming for, Nightmare is feeling like a lil frightened kid again >:)

AND YESSSSSS like when i was making the comic, Color calling Killer to ask if it’s ok was so damn important to me, like Color is that kinda person y’know? He tries to take into consideration so many things before he acts, he thinks about things and keeps thinking and thinking, Color is emotionally intelligent and his consideration of everything is why i love to think Color gets burned out sometimes, that being said, Color would absolutely think about Killer first before he acts, and while he obviously wants to help Nightmare where he can (despite disliking Nightmare cause he’s selfless like that <333) his bestie comes first <3333333

AND THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THESE DETAILS EEEEEEEEEE

As for the big hand, YAS!!! It’s Canon! Color has 2 other weapons besides his blaster! It’s mentioned in Color’s official ref sheet! (Warning for flashing colors!) But the fandom doesn’t portray it often unfortunately (including me I’m guilty of that) that’s why I really wanted to include it in the comic! :D

And yessssss!! I aimed for Nightmare to look extremely exhausted by the end, I really wanted to show how enduring 500 years of cruelty did to him hdhdhhdhd

And yessss Color is that kinda person, he wants to help where he can, and I mentioned it in a convo with a friend here hdhdhdh

And actually thank you for connecting Color’s design to carebears i love them dhhdhzhhz (the design wasn’t inspired by them i just did it on a whim but i’m so glad it reminded you of carebears actually hdhshs)

[iammeiamwe]

At first I wanted to colour it using a more dull/cold colour pallette, but then I remembered how much I love the vibrant and colourful sunrise/sunset kind of lighting scenario so I just went for it. Killer's presence is still making it creepy enough anyway😅 (click for better quality)

This is actually a small gift for @signanothername , because, well, they are kind of one of the reasons I even started the blog:)

For the ones who want to read me rambling about them (and probably my whole life story as well because I literally couldn't stop writing haha), go ahead:

I mean I used to be more of a reserved and even shy kind of person, I didn't use social media too often (if YouTube and a couple other apps can even count). And even when I used it I mostly only watched and I didn't interact with people/content creators much. (I didn't even comment on YouTube like at all).

I've actually been drawing digitally (both my characters and fanart for different fandoms) since 2018 and I've never posted my art online anywhere, only showed it to my friends. And I thought I would actually never do it.

But then I randomly stumbled upon tumblr a couple weeks ago, and then I stumbled upon signanothername. I was like so heartwarmed and amazed and blown away by how they interact with their followers and community - like seriously I just couldn't stop reading their answers to all the asks they got they were all so cool and cute and I probably was glued to the blog for nearly 2 hours after I first saw it. This blog (and a couple of others) actually made me realise what a nice and welcoming community and people you all have here on tumblr (and how many cool features tumblr has for communication both between creators and their followers) and I immediately went: "I want to be a part of it!"

And yeah, they've also (almost) singlehandedly brought me back into the utmv fandom. I've actually been out of it for a while, and even when I was a part of it I didn't actually really contribute anything to it, I was kinda scared to draw something new I had never drawn before (skeletons) and I also didn't really see the point in it since none of my friends were interested in the fandom so no one would actually see my art.

But something about their beautiful art made me think: "Yeah, I can make and post cool stuff too!"

And don't get me wrong, there are also other people and blogs that have motivated me. I'm actually planning on making small gifts for them too, just a bit later. It just so happened that signanothername goes first.

So. Get my first ever drawing of Killer, of my three first ever drawings for utmv, on my first blog on tumblr, which is actually my first ever social media account where I actually create and post stuff.

Yeah. And take a small heart🩷

[spaceorphan18]

Okay, some Glee discourse, because it's been a while ::

@lilacdaisyrose mentioned in a comment :: I’m so shocked that Ryan Murphy actually revealed that!! Also, I’ve always wondered (sorry kinda related), at the time was Adam quite a big thing in the Klaine fandom? To me I find Adam so confusing because there’s so little character development and I always wish there was even a bit more, but also wonder why they introduced him if they weren’t going to really add to his character? 🙂

Okay. So. There are a lot of components to this. In order to understand the whole Adam thing, you kind of need to have the context of what was going on within fandom at the time.

The short version (because this deserves it's own psychological thesis piece) is that Kurt Hummel had a huge fan base that had been fractured into many different sub fandom groups, all of them centered around shipping him with different characters. But mostly the big divide was between people who liked Kurt with Blaine and people who didn't.

[This whole sub culture fandom thing is so fascinating, and I really should write up a giant master post about it some day.]

So, we got wind that Adam was coming some time around Christmas (And, I mean, originally his name was Paul, and it was Paul's Peaches. I wonder why that didn't clear Fox Standards and Practices, huh.) And so the Anti-Blaine Kurt Stans got a hold of this info and just raaaan with it. Like, it did not matter who he was or what kind of character he was -- he was not Blaine and that's ALL that mattered.

So, Adam became a thing before he was even a thing.

A couple of things happened, though. First of all, like usual and typical, the Klaine fans (and I mean, I'm not even getting into the sub culture of Klaine fan divides either, because that is another post) began harassing everyone - including the actor, which, you know, made him a little cold (understandably). He did one interview attempting to insinuate that his role was important, but it definitely bristled and I don't think it was his best PR move, but that was lower compared to all the rest of the nonsense going on.

The big thing that happened was that Adam's first song -- the remix of Baby, Got Back, was tied up in some legal issues. Basically, Ryan Murphy used the mix without crediting or even asking the person who mixed it if they could use it. Now, they got permission from Sir Mix A Lot (or whomever did that song originally) but then it got into some weird legal gray area stuff, and blew up in the media and left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. So the general audience soured on him pretty quickly.

On top of that -- there was a shit ton of stuff going on BTS -- Cory's addiction was becoming a problem, the network wanted to kill the show, the tinhatters were driving Chris to murder, like there are a bunch of layers of stuff going on that made all this complicated, and it all kind of results in Season 4 just being wonky on a lot of levels.

(Btw - do Kevin and Jenna talk about Adam at all? I haven't listened to the podcast in a long, long while, so I don't know, but my curiosity is piqued.)

But during that time, this was when the Glee cast was finally beginning to set some boundaries concerning social media, but Ryan Murphy was beginning to try to use it -- and he kept getting himself involved in fandom, and flying a little too closely to the sun. I do think Klaine was always where he wanted to go (because the actors (mostly Chris) did complain -- which, again deserves it's own post). But they were loud, and they were obnoxious about it.

No, Klaine fans did not like Adam. At all. They wanted him gone, and we wanted reconciliation. But the Anti-Blaine Kurt stans made Adam the measure of who Kurt's bf should be. They did not really care that Adam only had three episodes and very zero development and was clearly dropped like a hot potato because it's obvious Kurt still has feelings for Blaine because, you know, Kurt's sleeping with Blaine while this whole dating Adam is going on but...

It was just a mess.

The other thing you have to remember is that -- while this was live, we didn't get the chance to just watch quickly in succession and go onto the same thing. Those of us who were spoiled knew of this character for months before he appeared. And it was a whole fucking long time before Love Love Love finally closed the door on it officially. So while he was only around for those three episodes, the open endedness of it last a LOOOOONG time. And no one knew what was going on.

So the shipping wars, as usual, continued on and on and on.

I'm trying to think if I at all answered your question, lol.

Why did they create him? the tl;dr version is that since Season 3, they had Klaine (the now b-couple) mirror Finchel (the a-couple) -- prior to that Finchel was the b-couple and Wemma the a-couple, and Glee loved to do parallels with them. But Wemma really wasn't a thing much by season 4, and Klaine was much more popular, and my god they just loved having Kurt be Rachel lite sometimes that they're basically telling the same story with both couples.

So, Rachel gets a season long boyfriend only to wind her up with Finn again (only the cory stuff threw a wrench into that). So, clearly, Kurt needed to have one, too. But also -- they needed to have Kurt do something. They weren't going to put Klaine back together until sweeps week, or the finale because that's how network tv paced things back in the day. So Adam was just subpar character development.

I don't know what their original intentions for the character were. I don't know if they knew. I think they had their story up until 4x15 (overall) and then it got rocky because things with Cory were getting weird and it all just fell apart.

I do think, like Darren, the actor playing Adam got a three episode contract, and they wanted to test the audience's reaction. Clearly, it did not go well, and the added legal issues of the song just kind of made them sweep it under the rug all the faster.

Hopefully, some of my rambling made sense.

Maybe at some point in the future, I'll do an expansive history of the Kurt fandom series.

Or y'all can keep asking questions. What ever you'd like to do <3 lol

[louisisalarrie]

honestly you have to shake your head at these naive people. The TikTok shows the kids face unaltered. Some Freddie accounts froze the frame and he looks identical to how his brother looked at that age. But that’s the whole key to this farce, the Freddie’s don’t know what Austin looked like at 9/10 even though T has it up so you can do a side by side.

I’ve had some serious bbg feelings and thoughts clearly bubbling to the surface because this turned into a longer one than I thought. Anon, welcome to the show!

It’s just such a lack of critical thinking. But it’s also, like all these stunts, a massive thing of trust with the fan to artist relationship. Fans don’t want to be lied to. They don’t want to believe that their idol is lying to them, they don’t want to believe that the industry is capable of such stunts, and they don’t want to believe question this all because my god it is so much easier just believing everything you’re fed.

There’s also this weird toxic superiority complex that happens within this fandom, where all these solos/people who believe F is his son, believe they are better fans and that that is going to make louis like them more (which is lol). That Larries aren’t real fans because they “disrespect Louis’ family”. And let me tell you - when this all comes out, or any other scandal/stunt happens, Larries are gonna be the ones who stick around. We always have been. The most devoted and kind and loving fans are larries, and I’ve seen that for the last fucking 13 or so years.

Larries, these days at least, don’t gift louis presents related to Larry, we dont ask directly, we don’t push those boundaries because we understand privacy. Giving gifts to him for “his son” and making Instagram accounts for said child, who is still very much a minor, is creepy as fuck. If louis was posting this kid all the time, or was actually being a “super dad” (which like… if you believe louis’ a dad, he sure as hell ain’t a very good one and we’ve discussed that before with those folks just fucking celebrating the bare minimum) and was just… like.. had this kid on Insta all the time and was very loud and every day we’d have content of him, sure. Maybe it’d be a little less weird because he’d be plastering this kid’s face everywhere and making it 100% known. BUT if you believe he’s a dad, you should respect privacy, because louis is a private person, etc. and anyway they contradict themselves every second of every day and it’s extremely amusing, yet sad, to watch.

The narrative of who they’ve decided louis is, strays far from the 1d days. They just entirely don’t acknowledge what he was like back then, what he and Harry were like back then, the radical shift of him being a party boy, BLATANT evidence of stunts and that pregnancy being fake, and just roll with who he is now. And that just doesn’t make sense to me. Harries do it too. They choose what part of their idol exists, what part of their idol’s life matters, and disregard all the stuff those dudes said years ago about privacy and family values and what they wanted for their future and who they are, and were, and wanted to become.

It just also baffles me that they think F is his son because he kinda looks like him. Well… you’re hiring a kid for a closeted artist who’s pretending to be related, you’re not exactly gonna choose a kid who’s gonna look massively different, right? They’re gonna look at the parents and siblings baby photos and go “yes, we could work with this, they look similar”. It’s not rocket science.

And that kid does look soooooo much like his actual blood parents and sibling that it’s indisputable. But no, we get these random DNA family experts or whatever who decide he’s definitely louis’ because clearly everyone’s a professional these days. They ignore the facts and the photoshopping and everything that has come out over the last 9 years to keep up with their narrative.

Also, you simply cannot convince me that kid’s real name is “Freddie Reign”. Louis could sit me down and tell me himself and I wouldn’t believe him. He “named” him that to take the piss out of the whole thing, and prove it’s fake.

[markantonys]

Someone on Twitter: Rand was such an asshole in s1. They handled his character's stubbornness much better in s2. You're calling him an asshole? Based off one episode? I am a s1 Rand defender

this is the worst take!!!! the only difference in rand's stubbornness in the two seasons is that in s1 all the trauma and upheavals are extremely fresh and also he still has some hope that he can get his life back, and so he's more argumentative and hot-tempered, whereas in s2 he's hopeless and downtrodden and so he's too tired to argue as much. in s1 his entire world was turned on its head, but by s2 he's had 6 months to settle into the new status quo, which is a shitty status quo even before he finds out he didn't actually defeat the dark one, so when moiraine does come to tell him that, he's more like "[deep sigh] you know those days where you're like, this might as well happen". the reason he doesn't try and fight her in s2 is because he's long accepted he can't go back home again, not because he was an asshole in s1 but is written differently/better in s2. (also, it's almost like coming-of-age stories involve the heroes becoming more mature and better at managing their emotions as the story progresses. imagine that!)

it really is insane how harshly s1 rand is judged for having normal human emotions re: getting dumped and being led away on a life-threatening quest by an extremely shady wizard. i'm sure many of the haters would handle all that way worse than rand did if they were in his shoes! (plus when you look at the other kids: mat and perrin have painful memories in the two rivers (childhood trauma & laila) and so are not that opposed to leaving, while egwene is interested in becoming an aes sedai and so not that opposed, so naturally rand has the most reason to dig his heels in and resist being taken away.)

i think it kinda stems from our human tendency to see all conflicts as A Bad Guy vs. A Good Guy. rand & moiraine both have valid and understandable reasons for clashing (rand is scared and doesn't want to leave home; moiraine is acting for the good of the world) as do rand & egwene (rand is hurting over the breakup and upset that egwene's trying to act like nothing happened and get back with him now that her first choice of being a wisdom fell through; egwene is scared and wants to cling to the comfort and familiarity of their relationship after her whole life was overturned). but people's instinct is to make someone the bad guy in every argument, and so they give that title to rand. we see that time and again in the books too - WOT is really quite good about having the heroes disagree and have conflicts with each other even though they share the same broad goals, but fandom always simplifies it down to "X character is Right and A Good Guy, Y character is Wrong and A Bad Guy". (rand & egwene with the seals: egwene is the bad guy. rand & elayne with the dragon banners: elayne is the bad guy. egwene & gawyn with their TOM relationship negotiations: gawyn is the bad guy. mat & the wondergirls constantly: the girls are the bad guys on reddit, but mat might be the bad guy if you ask some people on tumblr.)

in conclusion, i will leave you with some of my earliest thoughts on rand as a show-only. he immediately came off to me as a walking green flag, and that opinion only strengthened as the season went on! him getting angry and having emotions never soured my opinion of him, it just made him feel real and human! so the haters can suck it, their experiences are not universal.

(i think this was from only about halfway through the season, because he did become my #1 favorite by the end of the season!)

[bdafic]

How have you been?

I appreciate this -- it's very kind to ask. I'm putting the answer under a cut because it's an honest one, and I get that not everyone is comfy reading about more serious medical/health stuff.

Not great!

Some years back, I suffered a pretty significant brain hemorrhage that resulted in permanent damage. I had a smaller one about a year ago, and possibly another in the summer. This is all due to a genetic condition.

I made a good recovery, but part of that was (is) accepting that I will never go back to being the person I was. And that really fucking sucks. Among other things, my short-term memory, speaking, word-finding, reading, and short-term memory are all severely impacted. I am bursting with the desire to create, but much of the time it feels like my hands are bound and my mouth taped shut. Writing is something I was always pretty good at -- I've been doing it since childhood -- and it's demoralizing to see it ripped away so easily.

I would love to be more connected to fandom spaces, but it's hard to feel comfortable talking to people. It's embarrassing to repeat myself, forget shit, talk too much, mix up words, say things the wrong way... People on the internet are not known for extending grace and patience. What I miss the most is being able to read tons of other works and leave comments. Nowadays I have to use a voice reader, take notes, frequent breaks, constantly restart chapters, and potentially wait ages for another 'good' day. I genuinely get a lot of joy out of uplifting others, but it's deeply uncomfortable to do all of that and then spend the next week worrying that I still managed to mess it up somehow. I was already weird and autistic before any of this and let me tell you brain damage has not improved things!

Currently, I am awaiting surgery for a different thing relating to the same genetic condition. My body is not digesting food, and it causes a lot of pain. As a bonus, malnutrition also messes with your brain function. This, too, sucks.

(For the record, my wife has instructions on how to update this account if anything more permanent were to happen to me).

I think about my writing almost every day. I try to pick at my drafts whenever I can make my words work. It's cliché, but every time I get a comment or someone like you comes by and asks me a question, it feels very revitalizing. It tells me I was once capable of creating something that someone else thought was kinda neat. Maybe I still am. I'm fairly unknown in this fandom and very rarely get asks or a bunch of comments or anything, so every time an AO3 email comes in it is a genuinely wonderful surprise. The one perk of brain damage is that I may forget to archive the email and then get to experience that wonderful surprise several times over!

(If I have ever replied to a comment twice: I'm very sorry. I will do it again).

I hope this does not discourage anyone from leaving one, because I regularly go back and re-read them. They mean a lot to me, especially right now. I don't have anyone to talk to about Dragon Age and fic, and I am not comfortable with the people in my life knowing how many hundreds of hours I have spent thinking about elves having sex, so it's really nice to live in a world where I can gush with someone else for a moment.

Thanks for taking the time to ask.

[sokkastyles]

Hey!, I love your atla meta and zutara posts.

I was scrolling through Instagram and saw this. So if u don't mind, what do you think about this?

After a break from the atla fandom bcz the discourse lowkey left me exhausted and traumatized. This was'nt pleasant.

Maybe it's bcz this feels like someone read a zutara post and is trying to paint smth similar to it with maiko , but for some reason, this makes me feel kinda sick.

Thoughts?

I think I've responded to this sentiment before because there's a lot to unpack with the idea that Mai "loved Zuko unconditionally," because first of all, she didn't. Their relationship only began because Azula decided it would be more beneficial to bring Zuko back as an ally than as an enemy. If things had gone as expected, Zuko would have been brought back to the fire nation as a prisoner, and he would have been spending the trip home in a cell like Iroh instead of smooching Mai. We have no idea whether Mai might have been distressed by this possibility and the hand she would have played in it, and the show gets her off the hook from having to have feelings about it because things just happen to work out so that she doesn't have to and she gets a boyfriend instead of the knowledge that she helped destroy the life of the boy she had a crush on when they were kids. I actually asked myself once whether she would have cared, and even attempted to write a fic where I started out thinking that Mai would actually try to break Zuko out of prison, but that's not what ended up happening as I channeled Mai's character. Here's the fic by the way.

My point is that their relationship is conditional. It's conditional on Zuko choosing to side with the fire nation. That's why he has to break up with her when he realizes that's not what he wants anymore, and when he tries to explain that to her, she refuses to understand it. And then when she decides to get back together with him, it's conditional, too. She literally tells him never to break up with her again. That's not something you say to a person you love unconditionally, because unconditional love means allowing someone to make their own choices, even if it means letting them go. I'm not even sure you can claim Mai loved Zuko before his banishment, either, since all we see is her blushing once when they were kids. The most you can say is she had a kiddie crush.

I've also seen people say that she loves him unconditionally because she's willing to get back together with him despite not agreeing with his morals, and as I've already said, that isn't true, because she threatens him with ultimatums, and she makes Zuko promise something he can't keep. They broke up because of their differing morals, and since that doesn't change, Zuko is likely to do the same thing again, just like he did at the Boiling Rock when Mai thought he would just back down if she yelled and threw things enough.

But also, the idea that unconditional love in this particular instance is a good thing is something I have to question in the first place. Unconditional love is a lofty phrase, but there are absolutely things that SHOULD be conditional in relationships, and having the same morals and ideals is one of those things. Especially since Zuko is the Fire Lord and his beliefs about politics and ethics will affect the future of his country. This isn't just a difference of opinion, it's something that makes them fundamentally incompatible and it's never resolved. And using it to claim that Mai "loves him unconditionally" because she's willing to stay with him even though they have fundamentally different ideals rubs me the wrong way.

Which leads me back to why I think people make these arguments in the first place, and I agree that it's nauseating. Because often when people say this, they're making some kind of implication that Zuko was so horrible to her and he should be grateful to her that she's willing to stick with him. And not only is that a shitty thing to do to someone in a relationship, but it is not unconditional love. It's gaslighting. It's especially creepy because Zuko has already had enough of that shit in his life. He deserves to be with someone who loves him for who he is, not despite who he is, and that kind of love is not real love to begin with. People are like "oh, but she saved him!" Yeah, she was the reason he was in danger in the first place, though. "Oh, but she put up with his anger and jealousy!" He was angry and jealous because she wouldn't listen when he tried to tell her that he was hurting. "But she isn't his therapist!" Literally shut up. I've said it before and I will say it again, I don't think I've ever seen a fictional relationship be accidentally written like an abusive relationship the way this one is, and it's even worse given that Zuko already has a history of abuse.

And yeah, I agree I think people try to make this argument to counteract Zutara, because Zutara is so much about change. Zuko had to change to have a friendship with Katara, so to counteract people try to make Mai a more appealing partner because she "accepted" him even when he was a mess. But the thing is, as I outlined above, not only is this not true, because Mai isn't particularly accepting. But the other thing is that changing, becoming a better person for someone else, is a good thing. Not being fixed by a relationship, but being willing to become better for the person you love. Katara may not have loved Zuko when he was a villain, but she believed he could change, and that actually is unconditional love, the right kind of unconditional love, the kind of unconditional love that makes people better and doesn't come with obligations. Mai loving Zuko when he's a confused mess isn't all that impressive since his abusive father and sister also "loved" him when he was enough of a mess to be kept under their thumb. This is abuser logic. And it's even more transparent because the second Zuko stands up for himself and takes steps to become a better, happier version of himself, Mai can't stand it and refuses to listen to his reasons, and then continues to act like he'll just shut up and put up if she tells him to.

This sounds harsh but a lot of it isn't directed at Mai necessarily, who is a fictional character who suffers from being underwritten and used by writers with an agenda. But the people who make these arguments that don't seem to realize how much they reek of abuse apologism, about a character whose narrative is so much about overcoming abuse? They can absolutely shut up.

Zuko doesn't owe Mai - or anyone - anything no matter how much she loved him or for how long.

I'd also question whether she made him "happier than we've ever seen him." Half those screenshots don't even show Zuko happy. Another one is when Zuko is commiserating with Mai over "hating the world." The last one is when Zuko is surprised that Mai doesn't hate him. So much for unconditional love.

[coolingrosa]

Just wanted to drop in and say Chapter 4 was incredible and it absolutely devastated me.

Killer finally finding a sense of security only to have it ripped away from him… Dust trying his hardest to acclimate to the most jarring change of scenery possible and being constantly rebuked by the only other mortal there… Nightmare trying to defend his employees/found family(?) and instead so severely damaging the relationship he had built with them…everyone is trying so hard and failing so miserably and hurting each other in the most perfect, in-character ways possible and it is wonderful and agonizing to read!!!!!!

(The end. The end will haunt me.)

I already love how Dust is depicted, and his dynamics with both Killer and Nightmare are SO GOOD! And of course Killer and Nightmare’s relationship continues to be fantastic and heartbreaking. Ah, I so badly want this little family to be happy and healthy but it seems there is so much they have to work through before that can happen - and I loved reading the beginning of that journey.

All of that to say, Roseverse is astounding.

(P.S., to make this an actual ask - on his reference sheet, it says Dust’s scar is from a fight. Is it from the fight with Killer?!)

EEEE I CAN FINALLY RAMBLE ABOUT CHAPTER FOUR IM SO EXCITED

Yes, the fam is struggling so hard. All of them are terribly different people and yet are stuck in a situation where all they have are each other. And so, they desperately want to cling to one another, but their differences and behaviors make it tricky to properly co-exist. I’m very glad everyone could see all sides of the dynamic. Nightmare was definitely most at fault given his status and power, but I also hoped to show how he’s still trying to connect to both Killer and Dust and keep everything afloat. He’s bright, but shockingly horrible with emotions as he never dealt with many before where he actually cared for those around him. It’s a hard situation.

I was so so nervous about my characterization of Dust and how people would take it! I had Dust written out in drafts and plannings to be cold and a jerk to Killer, as the typical fandom interpretation. However, none of it felt right. It always felt so off even if I was staring at a character I was used to reading over and over, and I think that was the major problem: RoseVerse Dust, to be a smart character, had to have a level of empathy for Killer. To be so observant and insightful on why people do what they do and yet bash Killer for his actions was inaccurate and made him a hypocrite whose smarts faltered in favor of who and pride. Which just….isnt Dust??? Not even including just RoseVerse Dust here regular Dust just isn’t that egotistical when he has so much self hatred. Plus, Killer isn’t an adult here. He’s a child- a younger version of who Dust could’ve been. It’s kinda hard to be hurtful to someone who looks just like you when you were still happy.

And yes! So glad I can confirm this now. The scar Dust sports is from Killer punching a crack into the corners of Dust’s sockets and it healing like that.

[monstersinthecosmos]

So I'm a newbie in the VC universe that discovered the books only a few months ago through the series and I have a question regarding Louis character so I came here because I believe it's a safe space for that. Well, to begin with, I'm not really into the vampire lore before so the show was okay to me and since I'm more of the reading type, I plan on reading the books after watching the movie too because I kinda like the aesthetic of that century. And oh gosh, that was the best decision I ever made because I am madly in love with it especially with Louis whom I find so relatable, but then that's when I realised that though I find myself relatable in Book Louis, that never came across me with Show Louis and I wonder what could be the main reason for it. Is it my lack of understanding the story in the show or the show doesn't show me the side of that Louis? I suppressed this thought for a long time because of the constant fandom war going around regarding the book vs movie vs show on Twitter and I only upload Tumblr not long ago so I really got no one to ask at that time. Sorry if my question is hard to understand/lacking in any sense, I'm not really good in voicing out my thoughts.

Hi! So like, TLDR; they are two completely different stories and two completely different sets of characters that happen to share names. I don't think it's a big mystery that one resonates with you and the other doesn't, that's just how it goes! And I hesitate to compare & contrast the two canons too deeply because I don't need any drama lol. But I'll try to parse some of this: I don't think you're missing something in the show. Unless I missed it too. 😅 But truly the show has a completely new character, and while I think they have some things in common, and I definitely really SAW LOUIS a couple times, they really aren't the same. And even in moments where I think I see Louis (ie: thoughtful, brooding, spiritually tortured) I think some of the decisions the show made to change the story just really narratively don't work for the book character. I really think these two pieces are best enjoyed as completely unrelated series, because we can tie ourselves in knots trying to make the book fit what we're watching, and vice versa, and every character on the show is essentially an OC. Of all the characters we've met on the show, I don't think ANY of them feel like the book counterparts. (Lestat is the worst offender for me personally LOL.)

The book I think also is about grief and Anne Rice often discussed using "the vampire as the other" as a means to write stories about feeling isolated. I think that's a huge reason why the books are so successful and why they reach so many people! It's such a broad theme and using vampires as a symbolic conversation means that we can make it about anything when we're reading. And especially like IWTV being written IN GRIEF I think makes that theme so so powerful like not just the pain but like, how disorienting it is, how lost you feel, how small and powerless. And feelings of grief come up over and over in the series, and not just literally about people, but about the sun, about life, about things we lose when we're forced to go on without. And I don't think the show really got into that topic; even using vampirism as a conversation the timeline of the canon is so short it doesn't really stick the landing. We get some brief glimpses of the life Louis had before, but by the end of the season his family is still alive. Barely any time has gone by. If this will be sort of an overarching theme over the longevity of the whole series we shall see, but tbh S1 was so absolutely unrecognizable to me as a book fan that I'm not super interested in following up lol. You'll have to get back to me in a few years and let me know how it went. 😂

ANYWAY. I outsourced this ask to a couple friends because admittedly I've never been a huge Louis fucker so some of the show changes were lost on me and I hesitate to speak deeply on either version of him for that reason but!

@somevagrantchild says: [...] the tv show created a whole new character in Louis’s place, in a different century with different values and a different background that gave him his own unique personality and struggles that are very different from book Louis. Which means the decisions and choices he makes are also very different as well as the way he relates to Lestat.

An example is show Louis using his vampire powers to get revenge on people from his mortal life vs book vampires becoming detached and not caring about those things anymore Also show Louis being selective about who he kills (coming up with the evildoer idea on his own) vs book Louis just never wanting to know, so being the most indiscriminate killer of them all @covenofthearticulate says: i mean god the whole goddamn point of louis' character is that he only really values humanity after losing it, so after being turned he's like desperately grappling to find some sense of humanity and identity and goodness and i think that's something that resonated with a lot of readers who feel Othered………whereas the show gave him vampire powers that were basically an excuse for gore porn and weird revenge power fantasy @covenofthearticulate also wrote this post (in her @sangcreole blog) about the decision to have Louis kill Lestat rather than Claudia and I think it sums up a lot of the dissonance as well.

Anyway yeah the fandom can be a nightmare about this topic because I think people can be very defensive and emotional, and unfortunately there's a lot of cult behavior and bullying when people step out of the party line, and it makes it difficult to discuss these as two pieces of media which are different from each other, without saying that one or the other is bad. And we all relate to characters differently, and for random reasons, and we often DO NOT PICK OUR BLORBOS LOL, so like it makes sense that a book character might resonate with you when the TV character didn't, because they aren't the same character, and they are acting from different backgrounds, they are being used for completely different narrative functions, and their relationships to the people & places & centuries around them are totally different stories.

[definitelynotshouting]

Hi!! Hello!! Your worldbuilding has once again enchanted and fascinated me! But I have no one to talk to about mcyt-related worldbuilding so I’m just going to (definitelynot) shout (ha ha. I’m funny.) at you if that’s ok!!

Ever since I found this fandom I’ve been fascinated by how to deal with video game mechanics in writing, and I’ve found it a very interesting ongoing puzzle, to come up with worldbuilding or lore to explain the more mechanical, coding-based stuff and cover up the fact that the characters are in a videogame. I think that’s part of why I love your worldbuilding so much, because you went in completely the opposite direction, and made Code the base, the reality-fabric, of all the rest of your universe! It kinda blew my mind!

Anyway, the player inventory and in-game chat are two of the most glaringly Video Game mechanics, and two of the first that I came up with explanations for, which is why I (like Tango) latched onto those few lines and details about them in chapter four. For me, they’re both explained by the very flexible fabric of reality inherent to server-words. Because reality is so easy to manipulate (and be manipulated without breaking down) in these worlds, it’s easy for Players to simply open a small personal pocket dimension they can store stuff in. (The same way it’s easy to make something float by just leaving it there and taking away what connects it to the ground) the chat happenes basically the same way. Server-worlds allow for a very shallow telepathic link across all players that everyone experiences a little differently (you might see it scroll across the inside of you arm, look at it in the corner of your vision, actually hear it quietly in your head, etc.)

But that’s a lot of My Ideas, I am, in fact, here because of Your Ideas. Because I’ve alway seen them as sperate things, and I am So Curious about how you’ve linked them. The chat being on external comms on a watch or phone-like device seems pretty common in the fandom, but linking them the way you have — in that you can’t have an inventory without a comm — raises so many questions!! (/pos) how do they work? Are they mechanical? Magical? Natural? Bio-magical? If they were something that needed to be invented, who invented them? How long have they been around? What did people do before then? How does a new player get their first comm/inventory? If comms can comunicate across worlds, could they theoretically take their inventory across worlds/servers as well? Is cross-void trade a very dangerous, but lucrative, profession? Do they have to exchange comm-phone-numbers or can they immediately contact anyone they’ve ever met? If you have stuff in your inventory and you loose your comm, do you lose the stuff too? Or does it transfer like an ender chest? Could someone else steal your inventory by stealing your comm? Does a player have to attune to a comm like a dnd magic item? How common is it to have to build a new one?

I’m gonna stop now because this is really long, it’s 11, and I Will just keep thinking of more questions. I’m so intrigued by this!! Those few little lines have completely captivated me with their potential!! I’m excited!!

(Sorry if this had a bit too much of my own personal worldbuilding ramble, I just really wanna talk to someone about this stuff!)

Ive been 👁️👁️ at this ask since you sent it in and first of all im so sorry the autism won for a bit and kept me from answering your questions, second of all i think your worldbuilding is SO NEAT :DDD this is SUPER COOL i love your ideas, comms being a telepathic link is so interesting to me!!! Also, im intensely flattered that you like the direction i took with hunger au's worldbuilding so much!! I've been having a lot of fun sorta marrying biology and irl physics with computer programming-based building building blocks for this universe, to the point where im actually starting to put together a legit glossary in my masterlist doc to keep it all straight in my head 😂😂😂 it's an interesting challenge for me to try and meld all these things together so i can make something that feels completely different from our world without losing its relatability, so im super glad you're appreciating it!!!

These are a lot of questions im gonna try and answer all at once, so i'll put it beneath the cut so it doesnt clog people's dashes LMAO

So firstly, the way i view communicators is,,, okay dont laugh too hard but i literally just visualize them as pip boys from fallout SKDNJWNDJS for some reason ive NEVER been able to shake that mental image, so ive just sorta accepted that into how i view them for hunger au. Personally, i see them as sort of a... mishmash of the bio-mechanical, something that isnt QUITE a direct part of them but is very much attached and integrated with their code. So its not like an organ, but an interface, i guess-- comms are how you can access an inventory, which is basically just hammerspace the way you've already described it, and where you can change your own surface code, and its also just... the way Players are able to interact with the worlds around them.

You also send messages with comms, but instead of there being anything like phone numbers, you're forming a direct link between your comm and someone else's!!! Not telepathic the way you've done with your worldbuilding, but because i see comms in this universe as something that latches onto and interacts with your code, its still a very important connection. Once connected, you can talk to that person all the time through your comm, even if they arent currently on your server-- although I do think that this only extends to when youre within the same server cluster.

As for how Players get them in the first place: for spawned Players, they just spawn in with them. Thats where the bio part comes in i think, and its a little hard for me to explain the way i view it, but its something like... i guess a bit like when moons form around planets. The code of an entity has a certain weight to it, and when a Player and their singleplayer world spawns in, the comm does with them, already attached and integrated with their code. For birthed Players, its very different-- they arent born with a comm, so they need a comm made, and then integrated with their code by a skilled code wrangler. It is VERY tricky to make a comm-- theyre incredibly fiddly, super hard to code without mistakes, and they take an extraordinarily long time to put together, let alone integrate properly with someone's code. Im not sure the word dangerous is the most accurate term here, but there are potentially harmful consequences if you integrate a poorly made comm with someone's code.

As for inventory transfer, i think you can bring stuff in your inventory from one server to another. This is mostly used for personal items or gifts, i think-- Player culture and attitude generally emphasizes fun, and whats more fun than giving someone something special that you made/got for them, or bringing a little memento with you from an old world you want to remember?

Theoretically, im sure there are Players who bring supplies or previously used tools with them to new worlds, but i think most Players like the excitement and challenge of starting fresh. It all depends on the person and the community culture surrounding that server if its a multiplayer. Cross-void trade is probably definitely a thing, but i dont think its necessarily very dangerous, just something more personal that you'd do for yourself or for a friend rather than any kind of business model.

As for someone being able to steal a comm, i dont think you can if its attached to the Player it belongs to, because at that point its basically a part of them. They can take them off, though, so someone could potentially steal it then, but unless theyre a skilled code wrangler and can crack into it, i dont think it would work for them or let them access that person's inventory. It would, however, be an incredibly effective (and cruel) way of controlling someone's actions and where they can go/who they can talk to.

This is why, ultimately, lost comms are a huge deal; losing your comm is literally losing access to pieces of yourself, your world, and your community. And while as a Watcher, Grian doesnt technically need a comm to access his code or enter other servers, he does still need it to keep in touch with other people and facilitate those community bonds, as well as keep an inventory. So yeah, Tango fretting over Grian losing his comm was very much warranted.

AAAAAAA THIS WAS VERY LONG i hope it was worth the wait!!! I know you sent another question but im gonna answer that one separately later since its about a different subject, and this is already SOOOO MUCH RAMBLING on my part. Thank you for sending these asks, and you are absolutely welcome to ramble at me as much as you want!!! :D

[crazylittlejester]

TW FOR *MENTIONS* OF S/A

I don’t want to ask stupid questions or anything but is there SA/RP/NCON stuff between ur wars and ur cia? Ik its a popular LU headcannon for wars, and it feels very implied in some of your fics (one of the FH9 spin offs, I think) but I also don’t wanna read too deep into this or say something’s there when it isn’t. If this is a major plot point or smth you can’t answer bcuz if spoilers just don’t reply and I’ll figure it out :p

It’s not a stupid question at all, and the short answer is yes.

The severity of the situation and also like, the circumstances are very different depending on which series it is. For example in FH9 Wars and Cia were actually together as a couple for a bit where in some of the other things I’ve written they do not even know each other and have met like twice. For the most part I try to keep it as more of an implied thing because, with the exception of FH9, the interactions between them are never super relevant to the plot, but it is there, and that’s how I meant it to be read.

I know it’s a bit of a sensitive topic for a lot of people, so even though it’s only been implied and not outright stated, I try to post trigger warnings at the start of the chapters/fics that imply it, and also (unless it’s super plot relevant) I try to write it in a way where if you don’t want to read into that, you can kinda skip over it or imagine they’re talking about something else. I know a good portion of this fandom is on the younger side and because most of my fics are rated T, I feel like if I wrote anything more than just heavily implying what happened I should move the rating up, if that makes sense…?

One thing really important to me is representation in writing, being able to read a book or watch a show and see someone who’s gone through something similar to you and be able to feel seen through that character. Male SA survivors are something I rarely see in media, and without talking too much about my private life, I personally would’ve loved to have seen more characters healing from traumas growing up, I think it would’ve really helped me when I was younger. I tend to write a lot about my own experiences and traumas, it’s really helpful actually- And this is just another thing I’ve kinda thrown unto Wars, although this one has a lot more canon ‘backing’ than a lot of my other headcanons and I know this is a headcanon a lot of other people have as well

The whole canon situation between those two was honestly a bit insane for a nintendo game, like just the wiki thing about her that shows up on google is kinda crazy. Like I’m not sure what the hell nintendo meant their whole dynamic to be but playing the game it made me uncomfortable as hell

So yeah, I have this headcanon too, I’m not sure if I’ll ever write a detailed fic about it, that would be a lot for me mentally I think. The most I’ll ever get into it is probably having him say the words ‘I was assaulted’, but nothing more than that.

Full disclosure I wrote this out in my car twenty minutes before class starts so sorry if parts of this make no sense but TL;DR: Yes in my fics Wars was assaulted, I don’t wanna trigger people because I know that’s a bit of a darker headcanon, I think Male SA survivor rep is important, and yeah I think that summarizes everything 👍

(sorry for spelling errors or oddly autocorrected words i am dyslexic-)

[tarysande]

Can I ask, how does one go about becoming an editor? Like, where do you apply for jobs?? What kinda training do you do?? Are there companies that hire out editors to writers? Im just so confused about it. Ive always been interested in editing, and am considering doing it as a job

Editing is a weird career.

Really, I started as a writer. Like, when I was eleven. In jr. high and high school, I was in a writing critique group and I wrote a lot. I graduated from university with a degree in theatre, film, and creative writing. I was often the person my friends came to when they needed help with a paper (or the correct placement of a semicolon). I've been involved in fandom since I was about 17, and I was very fortunate to fall in with a group of excellent writers who were also excellent betas and editors. I learned a TON from them without realizing how much I was learning.

I started editing by accident, really. Sometimes, that's how it happens. I mostly got gigs here and there through friends or word of mouth. About ten years ago, I got more serious about it. I worked for companies that paid horribly. Then I did an editing test for a company that paid less horribly, and they hired me. After a couple of years editing countless academic papers, ESL academic papers, novels, emails, business documents, etc., I decided to branch out on my own (mostly so I could work on more fiction; I was burned out on academic papers).

I joined Editors Canada, started volunteering with them, got a lot more experience, and took a few continuing ed courses to gauge where my skills were at and to determine if I needed to upgrade my education. I decided I didn't need to do that, because I already knew the things I was being taught.

I read a lot of books on editing, writing, and craft. I familiarized myself with the Chicago Manual of Style, APA, MLA, and a couple of other style guides. I learned the differences in spelling, punctuation, and style between US, UK, and Canadian English. I went to webinars, conferences, and courses (all the major editing associations offer these, usually cheaper or free for members; they are a great way to determine what kinds of editing you actually LIKE). I learned the difference between rules and preferences, and when to apply them to a text.

I work freelance, which means I have my own business as a sole proprietor. I'm a contractor with a couple of companies who sometimes send work my way, but most of my clients are individual writers planning to either self-publish or polish their work before seeking traditional publication via the agent/tradpub route.

Freelancing has many perks but is not particularly secure. Especially if you're American and need an employer to provide health insurance, or if you're single and don't have another income to lean on when contracts are scarce. These days, most of my work comes via referrals, my website, or the listing I have in the Editors Canada directory. I follow a couple of editing-related Facebook groups; I've learned a lot there, and I've also picked up the occasional client. A couple of people have found me through LinkedIn. A couple of people have found me through here!

I've never worked in-house for a publisher--mostly because having control over how many hours I work and when I work them is my top priority. In-house is a whole different ballgame; I know a bit about it from my peers, but I don't have firsthand experience to pass on. These jobs are supposedly more secure--and they tend to be salaried, with benefits, etc.

"Editing" is a GIANT umbrella term. There are SO many types of editing out there. People tend to think of book publishing first, but that's only one avenue. There are also different kinds of editors who tackle different types of problems. I've done enough of everything to recognize that I am much happier when I'm working on big picture stuff--coaching, developmental editing, manuscript critique. Others specialize in the nitty gritty mechanical details that make proofreading or copy editing a better fit.

Right now, the bulk of my work life is actually spent ghostwriting. The client's business-materials editor posted that his client was looking for someone to help with characterization in a novel. I ended up winning that contract. He came to me with one monster book. I helped him realize it needed to be at least a trilogy, and now he has plans for a ten-book series--and I'm helping write it. But I got the job because of the work I've done on the development side of editing--and because I've spent SO MUCH TIME learning about characterization (via acting, fandom/writing fanfic, reading, etc.). So. It all feeds into the same place.

The tl;dr is that my experience has been a bizarre mix of being in the right place at the right time, ongoing professional development, and learning the value of volunteering with an association. If I were starting down this career path right now, I'd probably do an editing certificate (there are many out there, depending on country). I'd definitely join an association sooner (even as a student member) and volunteer.

Actually, the ultimate tl;dr is ... this industry IS CONFUSING. So, don't feel bad about being confused. It's actually probably about eight different kinds of job wearing a trench-coat and pretending it's something called "Editing."

[halfmoth-halfman]

You should respond to reblog comments more tbh. People are taking the time to reblog your stuff, and tell you how much they enjoyed it and not answering is kinda rude. I love your fics, and you seem nice and all, but I’ve seen your notes recently— they’re nowhere near what they used to be and you don’t get anywhere near as much interaction as other CoD writers. It’d probably help your blog a lot! Just some advice, but maybe think about it! 😘💖

this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days cause i've been debating about whether or not i want to answer this, but i'm 98% sure you're the same anon who's sent me a few other messages since they all use the same kiss emoji and are riddled with the same backhanded bullshit you're spewing here, and you've succeeded in annoying me so here's your answer before you get blocked. 😘

i do this for fun. writing is not my bread and butter, it's not how i make my money, it's not how i support myself. it is a hobby. i use some of my free time to write and post fics for my own enjoyment above all else. i don't give a fuck about how many notes, or likes, or reblogs i do or don't get. is it nice to see them and see comments from people who enjoy my stuff? absolutely. i'm incredibly thankful for anyone who takes time out of their day to read one of my fics and even more so for people who go out of their way to interact with me and my work, but i'm not going to worry myself over numbers, because that's not why i write.

also, i've been in fandom spaces for a long time and, i hate to break it to you, but more often than not fandoms tend to slow down and die after the initial hype. i posted my first CoD fic like a week or two after the game came out when it was blowing up all over social media, of course it got an unusually high amount of notes that were, honestly, a little bit overwhelming at the time. now it's been some time, and the hype for the game has died down, so people are moving on to different shows/games/etc. which means interaction is gonna slow down. it happens, and i don't intend to sit and worry over how many asks or reblogs or whatever i get compared to other blogs. that's not fair to me, the other authors, or the people interacting. i'm happy with where my blog is at, and the amount of interaction i get.

i've said this a few times already, but i work a full-time job and have other obligations outside of tumblr. i don't have a lot of free time, and have to plan ahead how i want to spend it. i try my best to respond to replies, to answer asks, and everything else when i can, but i am an adult with adult responsibilities and just don't have time to keep up with every single like and reblog i get. that doesn't mean i'm purposely ignoring anyone, or that i'm ungrateful, i just simply don't have the time to keep up with every single notification i get. if i had more time in the day, then i'd probably respond more and be more active here in general, but i don't.

i greatly appreciate every single follower i have, every person who likes, reblogs, comments, replies, sends asks, etc. while i write for myself, it's always nice seeing other people enjoying my work, i won't pretend that it isn't. it absolutely blows me away the amount of people who like my writing enough to tell me. i'm always open to people sending me stuff, and try to respond as best i can, but i feel it's unfair (and not just to me, but to other writers and creators in general) to call me rude for not responding how you think i should. and i think it's even more rude for you to come into my inbox (on anon of all things) to spam me with messages about how you think i should run my blog with condescending and backhanded asks that you want to pretend is friendly advice.

i think it would be good for you to take some time and step away from tumblr and go outside, touch some grass, climb a tree, eat some dirt, or interact with real people, and maybe try to realize that, outside of this blog, i am a person too and one who really doesn't need to deal with this shit.

Just some advice, but maybe think about it! 😘💖

[ashtonsunshine]

hey carmo!! i'm wondering if i can ask you maybe a couple questions/for advice as someone who's on other social medias than just tumblr? (to which i have to say 1) you're so pretty omg and 2) congrats on ashton retweeting you and liking your poster) i've been off basically all my other socials for about a year now and i'm realising i'm much more able to be myself on here without the expectations of all the people i still have on my socials from school and uni and every part of my life, and showing this side of myself on say, instagram, is kinda terrifying me, but at the same time it's important to me to push through this and get to the point i can be more genuine on there, i know it'll feel good when whoever still follows me knows a version of me that isn't as fake and highly masking as i've been for most of my life.

kinda pressuring myself on this rn too because i've gone and made a parody of red line that's about protesting genocide and i know if i post it there's a nonzero chance ashton will see it and if he sees it he will absolutely love it but i've never posted any of my music online before and i've also never sung anything in public either. and these are just things that are scary but i can get through them, but in the meantime i did want to ask, how do you do it, how do you decide what to post on there vs here, etc, if you're willing to answer at all? anyway thank you so much <3

Hello! 😊

Thank you so much! That's very nice of you. 💛

I've been on Tumblr for so long now and I'm pretty sure that people on here who follow me from the beginning can attest to the fact that I'm not the same person I was back then. I've grown a lot here. More confident. More outwards. More free. More unashamedly me.

Back then, there were no relatives on my Instagram, which made it easy for me to just do whatever I wanted. I've always been very careful in keeping family away from me online (hence Tumblr) because, as you said, expectations. That's why my Facebook is dead. All of them are on there. I was never afraid of my friends or uni colleagues. At 23, I had stopped caring in a way. I just wanted to be me, but it still didn't come naturally. I was still in my shell and afraid of what people would think, but I kept posting photos I liked that I wasn't ashamed of.

However, as the years went by, relatives started migrating onto Instagram, and I couldn't just block them (I mean, I could, but, ya know, interrogation would follow), so I just let it happen. I did block them from seeing my stories, though, so I still have some total relative-free freedom on there. Now they comment on my pics online and irl and they just accept it. What are they going to do? Tell a (almost) 30 year old woman what to do? I don't think so. I'd tell them to fuck off. They know not to mess with me anymore. 🤣

I personally always used social media for the things and people I like, and not to please anyone but me. I created and upkept my own bubbly, happy and genuine bubble, and I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm still very awkward in person, though, but I'm embracing looking stupid and silly in order to be able to move on with my life. It's not easy, but we roll anyways. 😎

My point is: it takes time and a it's a constant effort. You don't need to go all out, just bit by bit. You'll reach a point where you don't care anymore. And if someone has anything unpleasant to say about you or what you like, then bye bye! You don't need them in your life. You said "whoever still follows me", and that's exactly it. Those who don't mind your quirks and genuinely like you will stay, and that's all that matters. Hell, they might even encourage you further! 😊

When it comes to what I post here vs anywhere else, it's simple. I have different standards for each. Tumblr is for fandom and for me to be silly and fun and weird and insanely unfiltered. Instagram is for me irl, so it's more curated (my photos, my art, be it 5SOS or not). And Twitter is for...., honestly, I don't know. The reason I still have Twitter is because Ashton follows me on there, so I have a higher chance of him seeing my stuff. My Twitter page is very quiet. My feed is basically updates from artists I like. I don't do the social on there because I've always been scared of Twitter fandom, ngl. 😅

I only started posting my art on Instagram and Twitter because I wanted 5SOS to see it, and it has paid off on various occasions, which made me very happy. So there is a chance he will see your song, but you have to tag him in it. That's what I do. That's how he saw my StyH poster.

My advice to you, and for anyone who's reading this, is to be yourself, and I don't mean that in a magical oh just be yourself kinda way. I mean it as be genuine in what you post, wherever and whatever it might be. Masking or not masking. If you post something you truly like and that you are truly fully comfortable with, then there's nothing to fear. If people leave, then they leave. It doesn't need to be grandiose. It can be something little for a start. A photo that you absolutely adore but think that people will find weird, for example.

For me, I've learnt over the years to just be. I'm living my life, and I'm not ashamed of what I like. I'm insignificant, so I'm just gonna exist my own way. I don't care anymore. If people think I'm crazy for liking a band so much, so be it. I'm not hurting anyone. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I kinda ramble a bit, but I hope it was helpful. 😚