#also this could take so many different directions
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Have You Ever Tried This One? | m.s.
Summary: The triplets attend singer!reader's concert and Matt gets catches her eye from the crowd.
Warnings: insinuating sexual acts, talks of sex positions
Word Count: 640 words
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Divider by: @anitalenia
A/N: This is inspired by this post by @delilahsturniolo . Thank you for letting me use your work as inspiration! Also thank you to @chestersturniolo for helping me find her piece. I do not give consent for my work to be reposted, rewritten, or shared on this platform or any other.
<3 - Billie
The lights in the arena darkened around the group standing at the barricade. Matt, Nick, Chris, and Chris' girlfriend cheered along with everyone else as you appeared in a spotlight on the stage. "Boston! It's so good to see you!" you exclaimed into the microphone causing the crowd to roar. Matt practically had hearts for eyes as you sauntered around the stage in small, sparkly outfits. Sure, he had heard your music and seen you in photos before, but there was something different about seeing you in front of him. Chris and Nick quickly took notice of Matt's in awe state and chuckled.
After a few numbers you had reached the interactive section of your concert. Oftentimes you chose a person in the crowd who was dancing the most or seemed to be having the best time. It was never actually based on your physical attraction to someone, until this time. You had been eyeing the three identical boys in the front row. One specifically caught your eye. You'd seen these boys online before and while you didn't know much about them, you knew which one you wanted. He seemed a bit more quiet than the other two and was staring at you like you were glowing. "Girls, girls, come here!" you spoke into the mic, gesturing for two of your dancers to come over. "Do you see that guy right there? Yes, the triplet but that one, with the pink t shirt," you pointed in Matt's direction. He froze as the camera panned to him for the crowd to see on the big screen. Everyone went wild causing Nick and Chris to bust out laughing. The lights throughout the arena flashed red and blue as a siren sound played throughout the stadium. You knelt down in front of him, "hey there, what's your name?" You cooed into the microphone, batting your eyelashes.
"M-Matthew!" he stammered nervously as Nick filmed the interaction.
"Oh Matthew, I'm afraid you're under arrest. You are just way too hot!" You giggled into the microphone, "Will you take these sweetie?" The security guard took the fuzzy pink handcuffs from your hand and held them over the barricade for Matt to grab. His blush was iminent as he took them with a smile and a nod. You stood back up, winking at him. "There are so many thoughts running through my head, Matthew. Dirty, dirty - oh! my clothes are falling off for you, Matthew!" You laughed stepping out of your dress revealing a shiny pink body suit. The intro of the song began and you danced and sang with your crew. "Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit. God bless your dad's genetics," You sang, gesturing to the triplets with a giggle. Every once in a while throughout the song you'd shoot Matt a look or a wink. "You make me wanna make you fall in love. Oh, late at night, I'm thinking 'bout you, ah-ah. Wanna try out some freaky positions? Hey Matthew, have you ever tried this one?" You sat on your knees with one arm in the air doing a lasso motion to represent cowgirl. Matt about fell over and Chris was a laughing mess next to him. His brothers could not believe what they were witnessing.
That song ended and the show continued. A few songs later, the triplets and Chris' girlfriend were approached by someone from your team. "Matt?" Your manager asked, "You've all been requested backstage after the show." She smiled handing them all passes and getting back to work.
"No way!" Chris' girlfriend jumped up and down.
"Dude, your charm got us connections!" Nick laughed patting Matt on the shoulder. Matt stood staring at the backstage passes in awe. He couldn't believe that you had noticed him in the first place but also to invite him backstage??
#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#matt sturniolo fluff#matt stuniolo fanfic#Spotify
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DUDE I JUST PLAYED THROUGH THE GAME, WHY IS IT SO SADDDD😭😭😭
and why is he hot
Starling went through quite a few redesigns through the entire development process so let me talk about it a bit :3
It all started with this notes app drawing I made with my finger
Right from the start we knew his tail would be made out of tongues but figuring out how many and placed how was quite hard, I really had to girlmath my way thru
This was the first actual drawing I made of him. The story wasn't complete yet but I went ahead and designed something anyway. Here he was definitely "scarier" and his scar was also placed differently. He had gills on his neck but as you will see I changed their location to under his arms later on. We were actually considering not giving him a tongue of his own so I wanted to make his mouth terrifyingly big and empty.
Here I tried giving him bigger eyes like a fish. This was when his playful and childlike personality had started shaping as you can see from the expressions. I definitely liked this direction better but it also wasn't perfect just yet so I went ahead and did a few more changes
I slowed down on trying to figure out his design a bit after that and instead focused on how his sprite would look. He is a merman after all, he can't just stand straight like a lot of the other visual novel characters. This stage was PAINFUL.
These were the first ones I sketched, we ended up deciding we liked the 3rd one the best.
I carried that 3rd one over to another canvas and started playing around with how we could place his tail, we started entertaining the idea of having him sit on a big rock
This is when his pose really shaped up. The animated Little Mermaid movie was actually a big inspiration, I sat and rewatched the entire movie and studied how they animated her tail
And after that I finally finalized his design. We decided to change the end of his tail to be more eel like for aesthetic purposes (normal tail shape looked weird with tongues)
And for anyone wondering this is what Maelyn looked like at first. Since the story wasn't complete yet I thought it'd take place in a more modern setting and designed her with that in mind but we decided to have the story take place in 1800s so I changed the design based on that. I did a lot of research on glasses and corsets to make the design as accurate as I could.
Yes glasses! We didn't use the sprites in the main story but Maelyn does wear glasses and looks very pretty in them if you ask me. You will be seeing more of it in the bonus episodes!
#asks#hold your tongues#Starling#Maelyn#yandere merman#merman#gamedev#game developers#game log#development log#indie game dev#indie game#indie vn#indie visual novel#yandere visual novel#yandere vn#indie yandere vn#vn#visual novel#indie yandere#artists on tumblr#digital art#male yandere#yandere#yandere monster#sketch#illustration#sprite#visual novel sprite#visual novel characters
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The solution is to build up power inside our local communities outside of capitalism by getting involved with (or starting) an organization seeking to do that. We have to look to Leftist organizers for guidance. We have to look to historical Leftist strikes, resistances, and rebellions and learn from them, critically sifting through the actions of the past in order to not make the same mistakes.
“Be A Revolution: How Everyday People are Changing the World and You Can Too” by Ijeoma Oluo is an AWESOME book to read if you are feeling hopeless, drained, or are looking for how to start. One thing Oluo helped me with was realizing how capitalist-fucked my imagination was— every solution I could think of was a half-measure and I always felt overwhelmingly unsatisfied at the progress that my imagined solution could affect. Once you realize how powerful imagination is, you realize how we need to weaponize it as a means of deradicalizing people out of the death cults of fascism and capitalism, and you realize just how possible that really is. The first thing you’ll need to do when organizing is convincing other people to have hope— which is to imagine a better future.
Oluo also relays a LOT of accounts of how specific people went about starting organizations in response to the terrible conditions they were experiencing. There are men who are working against the patriarchy in prison— teaching their fellow men about how they’ve been trapped in a cage of toxic masculinity before ever being imprisoned. There are people dedicated to teaching about hierarchy and the functions of oppression. I haven’t finished it yet but the accounts I’ve read so far have changed everything for me.
So, what can you do?
First off:
Take care of yourself. You matter in so many ways to the cause— more than what you can do to make change, you are a beacon for people around you. You are a lover, a friend, a comrade. We must care for ourselves because we are loved and valued and losing us will only add to the despair people are already contending with. We must remind ourselves and each other that people are relying on us and not better off if we’re gone.
Focus on the humanity of the people around you. Are you surrounded by republicans? Focus on your mutual interests and don’t assert your differences— people will work with you while still calling themselves conservatives, so take advantage of that. You don’t have to be friends with everyone in the movement, even if having friends already engaging in direct action makes it way easier to do so yourself. Remember our goal is not ideological purity— it’s affecting change and change is all about numbers.
Keep moving further Left and continue questioning authority. These problems have been going on for hundreds of years, and they were never going to be solved by a system that exists to arbitrarily prevent people from access to human needs. We must look to the people who have already been in the fight rather than continue deferring to politicians.
If you’re able:
Volunteer at any local organization that is providing food or shelter— even if they are conservative, volunteer. Having that volunteer experience can help you see how those organizations are structured and who in your community is being failed by them.
Start an org for needs that aren’t being met in your local community. Start as small as you can, even as simple as starting a community garden in your backyard. It will snowball if it is helping people.
Find a spot to set up a free store. We all have stuff we don’t need anymore, instead of selling it or giving it to a thrift store, give it away to someone.
Print posters and zines and hand them out outside of high schools. We need to be engaging in tactics that work to bring young people further left and a part of that is simply informing them.
And since this is not a comprehensive list, continue seeking out radical solutions from authors and activists who have dedicated their whole life to studying and explaining. Look to the people who have been doing grass-roots organizing for years.
If you’re disabled:
spread information about how oppression functions and how to organize an assembly— you can explain to people who don’t have the time to study or who have a learning disability that make it difficult to parse the thousands of words that are used in explanation. Synthesizing info so that it is accessible to all is CRITICAL
start an artist coalition with friends and make provocative art that makes people think twice about all this shit. People are not aware of what their options are. They are also just trying to survive under capitalism.
share your knowledge on essential skills with your friends (gardening, opsec/infosec, conflict resolution, etc.) There are people who are working in these orgs that could use the expertise that you have.
Books on my TBR that could be helpful:
They Will Beat the Memory Out of Us: Forcing Nonviolence on Forgetful Movements by Peter Gelderloos
The Solutions are Already Here: Strategies for Ecological Revolution from Below by Peter Gelderloos
Beyond Cop Cities: Dismantling State and Corporate-Funded Armies and Prisons edited by Joy James
Renters Unite: How Tenant Unions Are Fighting the Housing Crisis by Jacob Stringer
Against Technoableism: Rethinking Who Needs Improvement by Ashley Shew
Let This Radicalize You: Organizing and the Revolution of Reciprocal Care by Mariame Kaba, Kelly Hayes, Maya Schenwar
Surviving the Future: Abolitionist Queer Strategies by Shuli Branson, Raven Hudson, Bry Reed
We Do This 'Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice by Mariame Kaba, Tamara K Nopper, Naomi Murakawa
Becoming Abolitionists: Police, Protests, and the Pursuit of Freedom by Derecka Purnell
Unbuild Walls: Why Immigrant Justice Needs Abolition by Silky Shah, Amna A Akbar
A People's Guide to Abolition and Disability Justice by Katie Tastrom
is this fucking SATIRE??????????????????????
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Pac : Let's get insights on your purpose for the next 5 months !
nov-dec-jan-feb-mar
using safe passage tarot from "Agatha all along"
Pile 1-2-3
Hey guys hope you're doing well , chose the Pile that calls to you intuitively, know that I'm not gonna sugarcoat things because I want your best . Hope you enjoy this
For more see masterlist and paid readings
Pile 1 :
You are represented by the king of wands a very charismatic person , you attract people who are looking for growth and you are someone who always wins in all fields you exactly know where to play the cards right to win . Alternatively for the other part of the group king of wands can mean someone who's nose is kind of everywhere they're at too many different things not giving one thing the change to reach the full potential.
What's missing is an ending !!! Ending to certain things relationships, people , in order to reach something new you have to let the old things go which is something you have to learn . You need stronger boundaries , more self worth and less attachment issues .
The lessons you have learnt is represented by the queen of wands it is about social settings I feel like you're someone who easily becomes friends with everyone and that's a good networking skill. You could also be someone who is very creative and starts at everything their heart calls for .
Your path ahead is represented by death , it calls for an ending ending of doubts , bad thought patters , old beliefs and relationships let shit go and see what happens .
Your Obstacles is represented by chariot I feel in this case it's about you staying in the same zone and resisting change it's like an ouroburos moving but in the wrong places and wrong circles , cut the string , your comfort zone is killing you honey
O of wands in this case is like don't wait around for anyone not even about being ready yourself just do what you need to do end the things that you need to you can't drag this anymore dear, this could also be about drug addiction or addiction in general .
Your destination is magician yay ! You know how if you just let shit go the magic happens so will it happen for you. Just let it go let people be , only work for yourself, give yourself all, heal and you will know you're powerful, you don't need a guru you're the star itself.
Thank you for reading, if you liked this and would like personal insights or a longer read to book click here .
Pile 2 :
You are represented by four of cups , you are someone who wants what they want and won't settle for anything. I sense a stern energy . Alternatively you might be someone who is extremely bored these days and just wants to lay .
What is missing is justice , you need to work hard rn for your dreams , but in the write direction I won't say you never worked hard but somehow in the wrong way , you might have a retrograde Saturn. You need to find what can do justice to yourself as you owe yourself everything and you are worth everything.
The path behind is represented by page of wands , your reading is like you were a very enthusiastic person once but now you have lost the zing for life . You have a great influx of ideas why don't you use them dear.
Path ahead is represented by the empress , clearly you are to start working on these ideas start the creative project take the leap. Focus on letting your creativity flow , your intuition knows , your soul knows.
The Obstacles is represented by eight of coins is that you need to learn dedication and working on something even if it takes time be it studying , art or relationships you are called to enjoy the journey and not just the victory.
Represented by ace of wands in this case I think you should avoid working on something new until you finish the old , you need to give one thing commitment and mastery then you will reach your destination
Represented by the king of cups. Mature and passionate about what they do . This infact represents a chance that you might become the best at what you wanna do . You might become a professor a teacher or a guide to people if you choose to follow this path .
Thank you for reading, if you liked this and would like personal insights or a longer read to book click here .
Pile 3 :
You are represented by six of coins a very beautiful earthy loving energy of gratitude and kindness , you give without thinking anything part of why you are blessed with more .
Ten of swords is what is missing in my deck it's literally a person cutting off a hand honey someone is using you , the awareness and discernment on who deserves your time money and energy is the thing that is missing .
You have learnt that people will be who they are despite giving your all so why don't you apply that in new relationships keep the knowledge but also use it . Alternatively this could be about relationship and someone leaving you in the past who was toxic.
The path ahead is represented by the fool , you're in the start of a new journey you have endless possibilities you can now leap into new and have faith that universe will do the best for you.
Your Obstacles are represented by death , you're ruminating on a past relationship too much which is making you work extra even for the bare minimum you have to work to stay in your queen energy don't do too much it's not worth it .
You must overcome the queen of wands I think this is a toxic person who was in your life you said you stupid shit that didn't align with you and now you have taken their words literally , recognize who this is maybe a family member a friend or a youtuber guru idk they have flowery energy but they're unhealed
Your destination is represented by the two of cups yay a union this can be the union of your logic and intuition. Masculine and feminine energie or a new relationship:) all in all an energy of balance and love .
Thank you for reading, if you liked this and would like personal insights or a longer read to book click here .
#pac tarot#pac reading#pick a photo#pick a pile#pick a picture#pick a card#tarot community#tarot blog#tarot reading#tarot cards#tarot#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#intuitive readings#intuitive tarot reader#agatha all along#witchblr#diviniation
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Foreword to the Dragon Age: The Veilguard art book.
Text version:
“FOREWORD Dragon Age: The Veilguard was a special project, and so it requires a special art book. More concept art was made for Veilguard than the rest of the Dragon Age series combined (and very likely the Mass Effect trilogy as well). This is one of the surprising advantages of being in some state of development for nearly a decade. To organize this huge collection – and to bring you along on the twists and turns of our journey – we have divided the book into three major eras: post-Inquisition, Joplin, and Veilguard. The post-Inquisition stage includes the earliest work we did from before Inquisition was even out the door until the official sequel was given the code name “Joplin”. This was meant to be the direct sequel, and much of what was planned out during the Joplin years remained relevant to the end. After Joplin was halted to shift the focus to Mass Effect: Andromeda, the project changed course and was given the code name “Morrison”. This live-service version of the game eventually pivoted back to being a single-player experience. Each of these stages had different design requirements, but because we didn’t start from scratch, we had the advantage of building on previous work. Our goal was to create a Dragon Age game that was respectful to the world the fans of the series knew and also a refreshing and exciting addition. We also knew that we were going to realize parts of Thedas that had only been hinted at in previous games. It’s one thing to imagine the Tevinter Imperium; it’s another thing to walk down the streets yourself. Whatever we designed, we tried to stay true to the established lore while also attempting to exceed expectations. Each region was given its own design language and recognizable motifs to try and make sure that every location, character, prop, etc., fit into its placed and helped to create a rich and enticing world for players to immerse themselves in. One artist can make a painting, but it takes a huge team to build a cathedral, something no single person could achieve on their own. While a colossal amount of creativety goes into video games, they are a lot more like cathedrals than paintings. They require years of cooperation between many disciplines, from animation to writing to audio to many, many more. In many ways, we see the final game as the completed work of art: the finished cathedral. Art books like this one are the perfect opportunity to showcase what you don’t see in the finished product: the inspiration, the blueprints, the unused drafts. We barked up a lot of wrong trees. We explored some wild directions – some ending in dead ends, others ending in precious treasure. We also created a lot of material that we liked but didn’t have the capacity to build (in this game, anyway). We decided to cram as much art as we reasonably could into these pages. Maybe one day we’ll be able to make the eighty-pound edition, but until then, we sincerely hope you enjoy this glimpse at the art behind the art. Matt Rhodes Art Director”
#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: dreadwolf#dragon age 4#the dread wolf rises#da4#dragon age#bioware#video games#mass effect#mass effect andromeda#long post#longpost
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Imagine
Imagine you are offered an exciting, well-paid job with an up and coming spirits business, whose owner you happened to sympathize with at a work event. Imagine you really invest yourself in that job and you are so enthusiastic about it, that you even put your own business network to service. Imagine you start seeing the first results of your efforts.
Then imagine that the owner you happened to sympathize with (and who probably recruited you) has a teeny-tiny problem, the amplitude of which was absolutely impossible for you to grasp. He is also an actor and, as many actors who are actively involved in successful cinema/TV productions, he has a fandom. Some things may have been mentioned to you, such as the abusive behavior of 'some' fans - but you really had no idea and you were way too excited to make this new job opportunity work for you. You definitely didn't take any warnings too seriously: you know that series has some sort of cult-ish status and that actor is many ageing women's secret fantasy, all around the world. You probably even think it's definitely corny, but overall these ladies seem harmless enough - plus they seem to show up in droves and buy in bulk, everywhere he goes. You are way too focused on your job to notice any misconduct: you dismiss it with a laugh.
And then, someone, somewhere decides it is your turn. You have excitedly posted a snapshot of a rugby match you have been invited to by the owner of the up and coming spirits company, who happens to have an excellent relationship with the local, prestigious club and is a rugby fan himself. You are over the moon to be a part of an event that allows you to better discern the new type of customers the business hopes to attract, in the foreseeable future. You enjoy the wonderful camaraderie in the galleries: you had no idea about what rugby means to so many different people, wow!
You are, therefore, very surprised to find out some women already started to claim on the Internet you and your boss are an item. This is completely nuts: courtship seldom involves attending a rugby match, in Europe - that much you know. You begin to receive nasty, insinuating DMs on your Instagram page. You perhaps remember one of your boss's friends, a young disabled artist, has very recently been harassed by his fans and had to call the police, in order to make it stop. You decide the best thing you could do is to erase the rugby match pic: too late, it has already been screen capped, shared and discussed. This is how you also find out that some of those women think you have an agenda, that you plan to seduce your boss and that you are, at any rate, a lousy wannabe in the business world and a highly functioning alcoholic, to boot. The ones claiming so are either pretending to be experts or to have SOURCES, based on FACTS. This is beyond your understanding. You may even have a mild panic attack and you definitely feel all of this is: a) ridiculous; b) unfair and c) potentially dangerous.
Most of the women who called you out have no idea about what happens at a rugby match. They are that kind of older people who still think geishas are prostitutes, for example, because they lack proper education. They have no direct experience of the business world, let alone the spirits business world. No real facts and no logical arguments are ever presented to seriously discuss your efforts, but many smearing accusations are being written down, with full confidence. All they know is that they don't like you, because you somehow failed to comply with their own, twisted version of reality. In their books, your boss is either a closeted gay man or a lewd womanizer, with a dirty penchant for whores. This would normally make you grin, but today you're just not in that mood.
Today's your turn.
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There are some blogs optimistic about Tommy back at some point, what are your thoughts about it?
I don't want to get too optimistic, because that's how we got ourselves here in the first place. Let's be honest. This was always a possibility and was even laid out as a possibility in the articles/interviews, we just chose to get too high on the hope. We were treating it as a sure thing and that was never the case. We duped ourselves a little on this one, and yes, I'm absolutely including myself.
Now, as many have pointed out (which I absolutely agree with) if you were to be completely oblivious about the articles and/or what they said, the breakup very much looks like it's open ended. It looks like something that's unresolved or meant to be resolved at a later date. They made it something that could be resolved. Something like moving away or wanting completely different things in life is a lot harder to work through and more definative. They clearly both want to be with each other. Tommy said he wanted to be Buck's last. He said he wouldn't be able to deal with the (what he thought was inevitable) heartbreak. You only get hurt that deep when you lose something you wanted that bad.
This is honestly the first time we ever heard Buck even utter the words "engaged" or "married" to any of his SOs. I do think it's something he wanted down the road, I just don't think he was there yet, and that's absolutely fine. The relationship was still very new. There was clearly a lot they didn't know about each other yet.
It was far too soon to make the commitment of moving in, and Tommy was just trying to stop things from getting any further before he got too deep (too late, me thinks.)
If you remove the clear bias of the journalists writing these "exit interviews" (is that even a thing in television?) they start to sound much like your run of the mill interview they do with every main after they have a major storyline play out on screen. Look at the direct quotes, not what the journalists are inferring for themselves.
All that being said, I'm not getting my hopes up, and I'm not planning on watching live again until I have a definite as to where the storyline is going, and if that takes until the final episode ever, so be it. I will get back to it eventually. Until then, I'll be keeping tabs on what's going on through Tumblr.
Now, this is just a little thought in my brain that has absolutely nothing to back it up whatsoever. I think maybe either Lou needed this break to get away from the bs and finish his role on SWAT, or they gave it to him and he's taking it.
We know he was surprised, but what he was surprised about was how soon it happened. Tells me that at least a temporary break was planned, just not until further down. Or maybe he only meant the disagreement.
We very much know Tim likes to plan out his story about 5 seconds in advance, there could be a tentative plan to maybe bring Tommy back down the road, say, after the midseason hiatus. Could even be the "project that may or may not be happening" that Lou had mentioned.
Buck is my favorite character, but I'm not interested in seeing him regress or go through the same storyline for the millionth time. If he doesn't at least try and fight for Tommy or talk things out with him, it's just more of the same season 5 Buck. I love 99% of the other characters too, but they also suffer from the Groundhog's Day writing and I'm just old and tired.
#one thing you can always count on me for is a long winded answer that you probably didn't want#but thanks all the same! i love interacting with y'all!#hope for the best but expect the worst basically#bucktommy#911 abc#tv shows#asked and answered#anon#and yes if we don't see some type of resolution one way or the other then that's just piss poor writing
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suburban legends - in depth of a theory that the song is written about matthew gray gubler
this theory was made by me and rafa (@bendthwrules on twitter) cause we’re both delusional and have lots of free time apparently lol please take this lightly this is just to have fun. if you have any thoughts to share or add to our theory dont be shy !
first and foremost, we’ll start with a timeline then dive in to analyze the lyrics! it all starts with taylor’s infamous 4th of july parties, as most of you probably already know, matthew was in one of her parties in 2013, she threw the party at her house in rhode island.
on july 3rd, matthew tweeted that his next stop was new england, later that day, he took a photo with a fan during a flight to connecticut. the rumors that he was at her party started when he posted pictures with face paint and sparklers and people started to notice similarities between his and taylor’s pictures, he later deleted said pictures.
for reference, first are the pictures he posted and the pictures taylor took with other friends on the same occasion.
later on, we got this picture of the of them together, confirming that he was at her party indeed. (i can’t remember who posted this so if you remember please let me know)
his attendance on taylor’s independence party sparked rumors of a possible romance, although they didn’t officially date, it’s common knowledge that they did have a fling (also for the sake of the theory we’ll accept that as true lol).
let’s fast forward to 300 (and almost 65) days later, a new movie premieres at the fantasia international film festival on june of 2014, the movie is suburban gothic. and this was the starting point for me and rafa i mean suburban gothic… suburban legends…
taylor announced her first pop album ever, 1989, on a yahoo worldwide livestream on august 18th, 2014. by the time she announced it, of course, the album was already finished and the tracks it would have were already determined so anything taylor wrote after that, wouldn’t be in the original version of 1989.
our grand theory is that the premier of matthew’s new movie, suburban gothic, made taylor think back on her (very very) brief relationship with him, therefore, inspiring her to write suburban legends, a direct reference to the movie title.
without further ado, let’s get to the lyrics!!
taylor start the song by singing
“You had people who called you on unmarked numbers
In my peripheral vision”
which led us to associating it to mgg’s previous girlfriend and also his co-star in suburban gothic, kat dennings. since they were doing a movie together, they probably were in contact a lot and that’s possibly what taylor was referencing in this verse.
she then goes
“I let it slide like a hose on a slippery plastic summer
All was quickly forgiven”
keep in mind all the 4th of july parties are in the middle of summer, this verse could be a direct reference to that since the very first rumors started with a party in the middle of summer.
“And you kiss me in a way that's gonna screw me up forever”
do i even need to say anything else?
“I had the fantasy that maybe our mismatched star signs would surprise the whole school”
when sharing my thoughts on the lyrics with rafa, i reminded her of what taylor wrote in state of grace “just twin fire signs”, this could be about taylor and the person she’s singing about sharing star signs (of the elements fire) but also about them being twin flames (or at least she thought so). just like she purposefully mentioned matching signs in previous lyrics, i do believe she would mention mismatched signs, mind you that taylor is a sagittarius and matthew is a pisces.
that verse could also be a metaphor about how would people view their relationship, they are from different parts of the industry and didn’t share many mutual friends. “surprising the whole school” could be about how shocked the general public would be about them being together.
“When I ended up back at our class reunion walking in with you
You'd be more than a chapter in my old diaries with the pages ripped out”
here i want to highlight the expression “you’d be” and in the previous verse “i had a fantasy”, when using these expressions, taylor is taking a position of someone imagining something, someone wondering even daydreaming about what things would be like. all the other theories about who this song is about revolve around people who taylor actually had a relationship with like harry styles and it just doesn’t make sense to me why she’d be having a fantasy of how things would be like when she knew how things were. personally, this verses make much more sense when placed in a context of someone who taylor didn’t have a real relationship with, like matthew.
“I know that you still remember”
if we’re starting from the assumption that she wrote the song almost a year later looking back at what happened between them, this verse could be how she is directly talking to him, she is remembering what happened and she knows he still remember as well.
“When you told me we'd get back together”
this could possibly hint to him wanting to get back together with her, wanting to actually evolve into a true relationship.
“I broke my own heart 'cause you were too polite to do it”
although i think there’s something almost sarcastic to this verse (like you were sooo polite you couldn’t even break my heart 🥴), i still do think it makes a connection to the previous verse i mentioned, perhaps he wanted to have a real relationship with her and when she realized it wouldn’t work, she had to break her own heart so she could move on.
and some other verses that just scream matthew gray gubler (iykyk) but i can���t quite put into words like “You were so magnetic it was almost obnoxious” or “We were born to be national treasures”.
well, that was too much ! i think it’s pretty clear that i’m not the most skilled writer (😭) but this was just to share the thoughts that were making me go crazy. huuuuge thanks to rafa cause she was the one to make me stop and think about it also helped me with the writing process and also is big on timeline cause she’s been on both fandoms a long time, ty love 🩷.
please let me know your thoughts on this, love you pookies 🫶
#mgg#matthew gray gubler#taylor swift#ts#1989#1989 taylor's version#suburban gothic#suburban legends#fan theory#taylor swift theories#gublernation#dare i debut the tag vivi theorizes
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Me again 😈 this is the last one (for now)
How about Howzer x reader with "sh, sh, I'm going to patch you up."?? I love Howzer so much and virtually no one writes for him </3
Playing Doctor
Summary: In an ideal world, being trapped in a cramped place with Howzer would be a dream come true. After all, you’ve been crushing on him for ages now. You just wish the situation was a little less sucky.
Pairing: Captain Howzer x GN!Reader
Word Count: 1200
Warnings: Reader is injured, pining, Howzer is jealous but pretends that he isn't
A/N: Sorry that this took so long! I couldn't get Howzer to agree with me. Until I put on a Disney playlist on Spotify and the words just started flowing. (Also, I have been in a not-great mental place since the 6th, but I think I'm better-ish now). I hope you like it!
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You’ve known Howzer for years now.
You first met him at the beginning of the Clone Wars, all of those years ago. And, looking back now, you can admit that your first impression of him wasn’t the greatest.
He was arrogant. Cocky, even. And in his opinion, you were a meddling busybody who needed to spend a day or two sitting in a jail cell.
You weren’t, and aren’t, a soldier. You were the former base commander’s receptionist, and when he left for greener pastures, you were left behind with a handful of soldiers and support staff who weren’t important enough to anyone to manage to pull a reassignment.
In truth, you kept the base running through duct tape and a prayer. And then Howzer came along and took it from you.
It wasn’t until he realized that none of the NatBorn soldiers, or support staff, would listen to him, that they all deferred to you, that Howzer realized that he stepped on a few toes.
And he didn’t apologize until your Squad of Misfits pulled him and his men out of an ambush that should have killed them, but only left him badly injured and with a scar on his face.
The rest, as they say, is history.
By the time the Jedi Purge happened, you and Howzer were friends. Friends enough that, when he called you to ask for help, you dropped everything and hurried to his side.
That had been a year ago, and while you won’t ever say that you regret it, you do wish that you had been more clever about your career prospects.
Or, at least, more clever.
Surely, if you had gone to medical school like your mother wanted you wouldn’t be in this situation.
Right?
You release a pained whimper as Howzer presses his hands, firmly, over the wound in your side. You try to pull away from his painful touch, but the way he has you positioned against the wall of the cave you’re taking shelter in means that you can’t move.
“Howzer—”
“I know it hurts, ad’ika.” His voice is low, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen such a grim look on his face before. Well, not directed towards you, at least, “but I need to stop the bleeding.”
Hesitantly, because he’s been funny about you touching him lately, you wrap your hands around his wrists, “‘m sorry. I messed up.”
“It’s not your fault. Who knew that the Stormtroopers had people who could use fucking javelins. Where are we, the Middle Ages?” He sounds stressed and angry.
“Many Indigenous people use weapons like that,” You reply, “Like the Ewoks and the Tusken Raiders of Tatooine.”
Howzer releases a huffed laugh, “Why do you know that?”
“I saw a documentary about it before,” You admit.
“Yeah? When was this?” He applies more pressure and you whimper as the sudden pain knocks the air out of your lungs, and you see a muscle work in his jaw.
“When I was a kid,” You manage to say, “There used to be a show. Tula the Tooka. Tula would teach kids about different races and show how we’re all the same.”
“Fighting bigotry one little kid at a time?”
“Something like that.” You wince, “She also covered some basic language skills, like how to say hello, or I’m lost, in whatever language.”
“Sounds educational,” Howzer shifts his hand and glances at your side, and then he takes your hand and presses it over the wound, “Apply pressure while I pull out my kit.”
“You could always just leave me here,” You offer.
“Don’t be fucking stupid, I’m not leaving you behind.” Howzer replies as he starts digging through the bag he’s been carrying, “You can’t actually think that I would do that.”
“I don’t.” You admit, “Make your life easier if you were less loyal, though.” You pause, “Idiot.” The word is affectionate, and the corner of Howzer’s lips curl up into a small smile.
“Wonder what having an easy life would be like,” He jokes, before he turns back to you, “Alright, move your hand.” You do as he asks, though you don’t realize why he’s saying that until the sharp scent of alcohol reaches your nose.
You yelp and jerk back when an alcohol-soaked cloth presses against your side. Though, you don’t get far.
“Shh, shh,” he effortlessly tugs you closer, so he can keep the cloth pressed against your side, “I’m going to patch you up.”
“You couldn’t have given me some warning?” You choke out.
“Sorry, ad’ika. But you’re kind of a baby when it comes to pain.”
You stare up at him through tear-filled eyes, “And you thought this would help? You’re a jerk. Rex would never—” You yelp again when his touch gets rough enough that it hurts.
The painful pressure vanishes almost immediately, “Sorry, I’m sorry! I forget that you’re so much more fragile than me.” Howzer blurts as he uses the sleeve of his jacket to wipe a tear from your cheek, “Please don’t cry.”
“I-it’s okay, you didn’t mean it.”
Howzer sighs, “It’s not okay, but thank you.” He pulls some bandages from his bag, “I bet Rex would never forget that.” There’s something odd in his voice, and you realize, with a start, that he’s jealous.
“Howzer?”
“Hm?”
“Are you jealous of Rex?”
He fumbles with the wrapper of the bandage, and his dark eyes flicker up to meet your gaze, before dropping back to your side, “Course not.”
You stare at the top of his head for a moment, and then you sigh and reach up to run your fingers through his hair, “You know you’re my favorite, right?”
“Are you allowed to have favorites?” Howzer asks as he applies the bandage and tapes it to your skin.
“I think you’ll find that I don’t care about what’s allowed,” You counter, “You’re my favorite, and I’m glad that I ended up stranded here with you over anyone else.”
He finally meets your gaze, “You hate being stranded anywhere.” Howzer corrects with a wry smile.
“See, no one else knows me like you do.”
“Well, I have known you for years now,”
Your hand falls from his hair to rest against his cheek, just over his scar. There are so many things you want to tell him. So many thoughts you want to share.
Things that he deserves to know.
But the words seem to stick in your throat.
After all, there’s no way he feels the same way for you as you do for him.
So, instead, you offer a tiny smile, “I’m guessing you have a plan.”
Howzer turns his head and presses a light kiss to the palm of your hand, “Always do.” He pulls away from you, “Are you okay waiting here for me?”
“Just don’t forget about me.”
“Never.” He stands and peels off his jacket, “Here, use this as a pillow and get some rest. I’ll be back when I’m done.”
You take his jacket and fold it so you can lay down, “Be careful,” Howzer tosses you a wink, and then he’s gone.
And, now alone, you release a quiet sigh. “I love you, Howzer.”
@imabeautifulbutterfly
@n0vqni
@bad4amficideas
@justiceandwar98
@mira-loves-star-wars
@tiredbi-peach
@dukeoftheblackstar
@trixie2023
@kimiheartblade
@padawancat97
@falconfeather23435
@etod
@bb8-99
@kiss-anon
@continous-mistakes
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@heidnspeak
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@silly-starfish
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@maniacalbooper
@rebell-ious
#star wars#tbb#captain howzer x reader#howzer x reader#star wars fanfiction#x reader fanfiction#gn!reader fic#answered asks
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Here. The excerpt of this Fix-It Fic chapter with most of the flirting skipped.
This takes place after Singularity, after Burning Shores has started and Aloy’s companions disappear and leave data nodes for her.
It was inspired by the OP’s sentiment being shared by @fogsblue to give credit where credit is due.
Setting: Kotallo stops in at the Base and finds Erend already there doing some air guitar to [Travis Tate’s] death metal music videos/holos.
———————————
They were about to head out when Kotallo paused. Something about the Death Metal video had bothered him.
“Erend, would you bring up your music’s image once more. Uh, with the volume down. Just for a moment.”
“Uh, yeah, sure.”
Kotallo stepped beside and slightly behind him, looking over his shoulder. Erend glanced at him with his eyes only, holding his face still, seeming to hold his breath.
Kotallo pointed, reaching around him. “Are those… subtitles?”
“Yeah! It’s helpful to read the lyrics. I love the screaming, but I like to know what I’m screaming, ya know?”
Kotallo squinted.
“Why are they so small? And what is that font?”
“Small…? Font…? What are you talking about?”
Kotallo leaned in further, resting his chest against Erends shoulder to try to see, trying to avoid stabbing him with his neck spikes.
“Hmmm. Can you bring up a text file? Just something simple. Maybe a data point from around the Base or one of those messages people leave each other in ruins.”
“Uh, ok.” Erend manhandled some Focus gestures, and chose a text file at random.
Kotallo squinted again, leaning forward again. He looked at the file name, and then stepped to Erend’s side, opened his Focus’ display with the publicly-visible setting, and found the same file. The text was much larger, in a clear font, with ample line spacing.
Erend’s eyes looked back and forth between the two displays and then he abruptly shut his Focus display off so he could stare at Kotallo. “Hey, what? Is that the same file!? Why does yours look so different?!”
Kotallo closed his as well and stared back at his uncertain friend, who was so often putting down his own ability to read or make sense of things. How to offer help, delicately?
“Hmmm…”
“That’s all you’ve got for me, you brooding Tenakth? ‘Hmmm ?’”
Kotallo waved a hand for patience.
“When I first arrived, some of the Focus gestures needed two hands with normal settings. GAIA showed me how to adjust ‘Accessibility Settings’ so that I could use it with only one hand. She also directed me to particular ‘fonts’ because I would mix up the same glyphs over and over as I was learning to read. Something called, oh, what was it…?”
GAIA’s voice sounded between their Focuses’ speakers. “ I believe the phrase you’re looking for is ‘dyslexia-friendly fonts .’”
“Yes! That was it! Thank you, GAIA. Here, Erend. Let me see if I can lead you to these settings. Open the main menu and then go to Focus settings… Further down. Oh, wait, your menu is shorter. Maybe… there?”
Erend followed Kotallo’s gestures, with some help since the menu lengths were so different between the two displays and Erend’s display text was so very small and in a strange font that looked like handwritten Carja glyphs made with a leaky pen.
With his metal hand on his shoulder, Kotallo helped him pick a font that was easy to read, and switched it a few times to make sure Erend’s choice worked in multiple contexts, and set it to default. Changed the screen’s view size and taught him how to temporarily zoom in on a text file. They even experimented with shifting the saturation of the text display light until Erend said it wasn’t hurting his eyes as much.
Erend looked delighted.
Kotallo felt a little ill.
He had overheard Erend talking to Aloy on many occasions about how much trouble he was having learning to read and understanding the content, and the glyphs causing headaches, and it had never occurred to him to not take the man’s own beliefs about his stupidity at face value and just look at the damn settings. What kind of a friend believed their friend’s self-criticism?
Varl was also Erend’s friend. And Zo? Aloy knew him the best; why didn’t she…? Oh, but at that point, she was relying on GAIA to train everyone because she was almost never there, and everyone else was learning the Focus from the very beginning. Aloy had to believe what her team reported to her, when she stopped in, and her team was all doing their best.
Kotallo had gotten help from GAIA and Beta with ‘accessibility,’ and had received Aloy’s special attention for making his metal arm, and rebuilding his trust in himself, because his main impediment was physical and obvious.
But during Kotallo’s first days here, he’d had trouble with swapping glyphs, confusing words, having them blur before his eyes or fade into the environment behind him, causing headaches, as Erend might have been having this whole time. GAIA had talked about ‘dyslexia’ but also about past head injuries affecting reading, and that was an injury they likely both shared.
But unlike Erend, Kotallo had been shown how to make adjustments right away, and then knew it was possible to ask for a change. It had only impeded him for a few days at most, and after that he hadn’t been taking it personally when new but similar challenges slowed him down.
He shook his head in dismay and also awe.
Once Erend had closed the menus, looking stunned at how easy it was now that he’d made the font size match his fingertips for better precision, Kotallo spoke.
“Erend, you are one of the smartest people I know.”
“What?! What in the Forge’s tool chest are you talking about?!”
Kotallo just kept shaking his head, amazed.
“You learned everything we all did. But it was if you were learning to fight swinging a warhammer the size of a cart, rather than a practice wooden one. And you did it —you learned it— all the same.”
Erend looked even more stunned. He blinked.
“I did?”
He looked down. Quirked a smile. Huffed a laugh.
“I did!”
Kotallo slapped him on the shoulder and gripped where his hand landed. “Truly, you walk in strength, Oseram.”
Erend looked back up at him, still apparently amazed, and a few other things besides. Then firmed up his expression.
“Hey, we should still go hunting. A couple of us battle-hardened ancient tech experts, forging into the wilds, should have no trouble bringing down a brace of pigeons. Otherwise I’m going to get all emotional.”
Kotallo smirked. It seemed none of Aloy’s friends particularly enjoyed having many feelings. “Agreed.”
Erend in Forbidden West
maybe controversial opinion again but another thing i've noticed so far in Forbidden West is that they lowkey kinda butchered Erend...
idk if anyone else feels this way, i never see it talked about, but i swear to god he didn't used to be so one-dimensional. Again i'm only halfway through the game so there's hope for change, but i recently rewatched the Ersa mission in ZD and it just made me realise how he used to have so much character outside of just "haha funny dumb alcoholic", and that seems to be all he is in the second game (so far). I'm sooo sick of hearing constant jokes about how he's stupid, clumsy, drunk and annoying, as if that's all he is when i swear he didn't used to be. Sure there were jokes about him being a drunk in Zero Dawn too but it wasn't the majority of his character! They can have him be the comic relief character without making that ALL he is 😭 i'm honestly really really hoping we get more serious scenes with him to cancel this out... justice for Erend man, he's supposed to be more than that.
#Erend & Kotallo#erend is dyslexic#erend has head injuries#erend needs accommodations#Kotallo is disabled#Kotallo has head injuries#Kotallo got accommodations#visible vs invisible disability#disability justice#erend got done dirty by the writers of hfw#so I wrote some fix-it fic
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"Colton and Akiyama have a long and rich history, having worked together for Arasaka since their early twenties— Colton as director of the SERPENT projects and Head of Special Programs, and Akiyama as recruiter and quality control manager across all of the corporation's Night City facilities. The two disliked each other from the start and from an outsider's perspective only rarely saw eye to eye; but if anything their rivalry was a challenge, a way to keep each other sharp, and one of the only ways they could have some fun in the megacorporation's grasp. Years later, the two reunite at Club Bodytalk following the incident in spaceship Elysium and the fall of Cobra Cybernetics. Surrounded by the victims of the projects they once ran, their heads are forcibly turned into the direction of their past mistakes— their guilt connects them and it forges a bond of understanding they can't get with anyone else, and while they cannot erase their past they can ensure that no one else ever has to go through any of that again." ↳ andy belongs to @mojaves, template here [x]
taglist (opt in/out)
@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @roseeway, @stars-of-the-heart;
@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;
@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;
@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;
@kanos, @swordcoasts, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf
#cp2077#edit:kaida#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#sorry i'm bouncing around between five billion projects and interests right now so i go where the waves take me LMAO#the pictures aren't entirely accurate. kaida is also very good at pressing andy into a wall and making him moan like a girl#it's also funny that they're both part of the rest of the club bodytalk polycule but in VASTLY different directions#well. i'm saying that right now but that's not true. i'm lying sorry#because kaida also loves diving in bed with seb and hanan who are both also from xyr time at special programs#and andy has another boyfriend. beckett. who was a test subject at special programs many years ago#AND andy also kisses vitali from time to time. who used to bother him with a thousand and one emails back at arasaka on weekly basis#so basically if you've been an arasaka employee in any way in your life you're messy. is what i'm implying here#either way the dynamics between kaida and andy specifically make me so fucking insane they're so good. so so good#when they officially reunited at the club kaida punched andy on the nose threatened to kill him and then fucked him#while carving a heart on his chest with a knife no less. and then they both pretended nothing had happened for a good few months#while also hatefucking at any and every given opportunity. because. you guessed it. THEY'RE MESSY#i could go deeper [haha] into the themes and their arasaka crimes but i think it's funnier to explain all of this to you. it's funny#they used to get into car crashes with each other to get some time off from work
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Light would be the type of Sims player to make his Sim take the Criminal career and then actively make their home life a living hell
#Death Note#The Sims#Smol and I have been playing a crossover game lately and Sims/DN came up#The rules are very loose so it could've gone several directions - A Death Note sim or the DN cast in the Sims or playing the Sims#The image of L watching him play over his shoulder and point out how unnecessarily cruel he is towards creatures he sees as lesser#And Light having to weigh how much like a stereotypical Sims player he could be without showing his hand lol#''I see you've failed to add a fire alarm over the oven-'' ''I did that on purpose'' ''Hm. Interesting'' hahaha#Okay but genuinely how cool would it be to have a Death Note mod with Shinigami eyes where you can hover over your Sim#And see their projected lifespan - would you the player count as a Shinigami?#Probably not since the rules are that you can take but not give and there are plenty of players - myself included - who protect their Sims#It'd be an interestingly morbid little ticking clock - more than the the little ''How Many Days'' meter in the Sims 2 anyhow haha#Smol has also shown me the Sims 3 equivalent so lol - but the potential spookage!#I don't even think about mine all that often since I tend to turn aging off lol#But there are other ways to die!#We were also talking about how the ghosts might look different if they were Death Noted - maybe like an overlay of a page turning animation?#Pretty neat :)
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habeas corpus – detective comics #1086
(ID in alt!)
#loved this back up feature so much and seeing that bruce timm shit made me annoyed enough to actually transcribe it#first the way hes depicted as having to stand trial and ARGUE and fight for the rights of using the coin#rather than it just being a compulsion and something he must do before a decision....#like every time. every time when he's 'leaving it up to chance'—thats a time when harvey won. thats a time when harvey fought for the right#to use the coin and make it at least a 50/50 chance instead of 'crawling away until the hard part is done' like two face pushed for#every single time. regardless of the results regardless of knowing theres only a halfway chance of it actually achieving anything#or lessening the damage two face can/will do. every time hes fighting for and still believing in a fair trial and that everyone deserves on#it isnt him being weak. it isnt him avoiding responsibility. its him fighting and forcing and pushing for it as hes internally at war#with himself 24/7. even when two face wins he doesnt give up & continues to fight for what he believes in despite the injustice done to him#the way he tells Judge Janus that it isnt about HIM (himself!) while defending the right of existence to the jury of other societal rejects#the way he gestures to himself only at the very end. he asks the judge does that sound like anyone he knows and janus replies in two faces#voice but harvey keeps going. he keeps fighting for others. but at the end in actually acknowledging two face being part of him#(and by extension harvey being part of two face) and how harvey is fighting just as much to have a place as two face is#(but more within his own mind & upholding his belief system still despite knowing how it continues to fail them) and just FUCK#and two faces snaps! how theres no jurisprudence system above there either ! just no one will admit it!#how harvey knows!!! look what happened to him when he was doing the right thing!#look how many criminals and mob bosses paid their way out! look how the police are corrupt!#but still believing in it and how a system has to be in place despite being a direct victim of it as well and just GOD#I LOVE YOU GOOD HEARTED AND WANTING TO HELP PEOPLE HARVEY DENT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME !!!!!!!!#taking away how he genuinely wanted to help people and bring wrongs to rights takes away literally everything hes built on#it takes away the entire fucking tragedy of his character (and in many ways it changes how bruce himself operates and believes because#harvey WAS a good man doing everything by the books. he was trying to bring justice in the 'right way' and believed in the system. he was#what people tell bruce he should be and look where it got him. look how the system failed 'even the good ones' because the system itself is#corrupt. it isnt flawed—it was operated to oppress and thats why it cant just be fixed but must be entirely rebuilt and why bruce must#operate outside of it. it also gives more depth because harvey is one of batmans first and biggest failures. he didnt protect him.#he didnt save his parents as a helpless child (as bruce) but he couldn't save his parents as BATMAN.#it wasnt just random chance like his parents tragedy but this was calculated and something bruce didnt stop. its ALWAYS going to eat at#him if he could of prevented it by telling harvey his identity. by doing something different. by being more prepared or somehow#knowing it was going to happen. harvey is the face of tragedy in so many ways that cant fit in these messy rambly tags but its ALLL!!!!!!!#bc harv was (and still is despite it all! despite two face!) a good man!! because he originally was a glimmer of hope to bruce & the city!!
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I don't understand why it's generally not socially acceptable to recognize your good qualities. Like I don't understand why it's bad to be a show-off or a know-it-all or to brag. Like I think most people know "those things = bad" but not why.
It also seems like people are always either waaaaay into one end of the scale where they are just so unbearably full of themselves and have preposterously high self esteem (and most people act like this is fine too? Like a lot of celebrities and white men specifically seem to be like this) and I don't understand why so many people respect them then. Or they're the complete opposite with self esteem way too low despite the fact that they have redeeming qualities.
I feel like maybe the reason it's considered bad to brag is because you might 'make' other people feel inadequate but see that seems like a stupid reason to me because the problem then is not that you stated an opinion of your own self worth but is actually that everyone else is conditioned to compare themselves to each other in a very unhealthy way. And I think instead of discouraging people from opening up about what they take pride in, what they like about themselves, what makes them feel happy or content or confident, maybe we could just be discouraging people from viewing those things as personal threats? Idk just trying to formulate some thoughts on this
#idk why but this feels like a very convoluted topic#like so many people are probably coming from different starting positions on this than i am and im afraid that might#make it be misinterpreted or something#like i feel like there definitely is a balance where some self esteem is too little and some is too much#it just feels like it is exceedingly rare to find anyone with ideal realistic self esteem and idk why#i also dont mean this in a way to say that every action is the responsibility of the people taking offense either#because obviously thats not how that works. its understandable to demand a certain amount of respect#and to accept that your words (even the ones you say about yourself) could negatively impact other people#and thats not necessarily on them for being defensive#idk social concepts are strange and foreign to me so im still figuring this stuff out and through an autistic lense to boot#so sometimes i feel a bit like im conducting a study or an experiment more than writing a blog post#im just trying to understand people because i need to#it seems like the overwhelming majority of allistics have absolutely no interest in why they do the things that they do#so i have to go around experimenting instead of asking direct questions about this stuff#because when i do ask direct questions they look at me like i just asked them if the sky is actually blue or if its just gasses up there#in case you are not the most common dimwit. the sky is both of those things. however when you ask someone a question#phrased like that about a topic they dont want to admit they dont know about. they will usually avoid the question or answer absurdly#its actually kinda funny you should try it sometime#now im distracted because i dont know enough about how the sky works and i need to know#anyways gonna go down a research rabbit hole methinks
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#SORRY im mad about my stupid college again#WHY do they require so many internhip hours??????#no wait i KNOW why. bc the chef who runs the program is EVIL AND STUPID#he literally thinks he as a chef is gods gift to this earth. he thinks CHEFS are gods gift to this earth but only if they agree with him.#however. gods gift to this earth do NOT deserve breaks. ('chefs dont get breaks' is a direct quote)#he thinks all chefs should work like dogs and SUFFER. and the industry should never change#and he loves the power of being the program head. (and most students' advisor)#and he can say im preparing you to be the best!!!!! and get away with it#and he doesnt respect pastry chefs. and guess what i am hahahah#like i know the culinary industry is toxic and most chefs are jerks. but bakeries are very different from restaurants#so i thought i could handle some jerky chefs during school and get my degree and go work in a bakery#(i can handle some jerky chefs)#the problem was that a jerky chef ran the program as if you were already working in the worst restaurant environment imaginable#and he only taught like everyone wanted to be world renown chefs of 5 star parisian restaurants that take 4 years to get a reservation#(which is crazy that he thinks hes qualified to get other people to that level but ok.)#and thats great for people who want that! but some people (me) just want a cute little bakery!#also ! its advertised as a 2 year associates program#which. is true that you'll only get an associates degree out of it#but 2 years is including summer semesters. sorry i don't think thats how that works. i think thats 3 years#2 years for people who decide to do extra and take summer semesters.#and i think the only realistic way to complete the internship hours is to take an off semester and only do the internship#so you're not doing it at the same time as classes#but that adds a minimum of 1 semester and maximum 2#or if you cram the spring and fall semesters to have summer off and do the internship during summer#summer semesters are shorter. so youd have less weeks to complete the same amount of hours#it is simply not a 2 year program for the average person!!!!!!#i was IN COLLEGE FOR 2 YEARS!!!!!! AND I ONLY TOOK 1 (ONE) PASTRY CLASS!!!!!! I SHOULD'VE BEEN ABLE TO GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!#and what do you MEAN you expect me to be in college for 3 years and only get an associates degree out of it. no thank you#its almost like...... an associates degree requires 2 years of schooling........ and theres too much happening in this program.......#bc the man in charge of it is power hungry and wants to control people and thinks chefs need to be beat into shape.......
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
#thoughts from hel#so basically i submitted a cover letter with some highlighted text in random colors bc i forgot to unhighlight them before submitting#(i highlight things to remember to change them for each job app but i might have to deprecate that practice after this)#and then i realized and was like oh fuck and i was like well maybe i should just own it y'know. it's me being super innovative and creative#and also since i highlight stuff to change all the highlighted texts were the most relevant parts of the cover letter anyway#but the highlighting job was messy as hell after i dragged sentences to and fro all over it while i was formulating that thing. like#the highlighting started kind of in the middle of my sentence and had extra highlighted spaces and colors n stuff it was. haphazard.#so i was like okay. i probably can't gaslight (by sending psychic vibes to the recruiter-- since it's an online form#with no direct communication between me and them whatsoever) the recruiter into reasonably thinking this highlighting job#was on purpose. so i spent a full like TWO EXTRA HOURS spiraling into “can i submit the form twice or should i just take the L on this”#and ultimately submitted it a second time with the fixed letter. uhhh hopefully it was the fixed one but i'm too tired to care now#part of the job description was “attention to detail” so i definitely failed that one the first time around but the recruiter#who reads (hopefully. because with how saturated the job market is now they might not even do that) my apps#had BETTER see all the fucking attention to detail i paid to making sure my decision to resubmit would be a good one#telepathically. of course. (the difference between overthinking and attention to detail is how much you are appreciated)#i literally went on so many forums and the help page for the recruiting application website thing to find out how exactly they handled#duplicate applications bro i could RECITE this shit to anyone now. fuck#time to go to sleep. tomorrow is a new day. with ten+ more companies to apply to. 👍
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