#also the sam/jack bc she belongs with him

[mushroom-through-the-stargate]

i figured out why we don't like pete - and its not just because he "gets in the way of our otp" or because shes settling or whatever ship reason

she flinches. when he yells at her, she flinches. this woman, lieutenant colonel Samantha Carter, has stared down goa'uld system lords. she's decked ba'al, spat in (i think) apophis' face, taken the entire sgc back from hathor with only 5 other women - and she flinches from some douchecop. shes scared to turn down his proposal. sam carter isnt scared of anything - except the man she supposedly loves. shes searching for reasons to break up with him and she only does when her dying father points out that he can tell shes not happy. thats why we dont like him.

[ardentpoop]

What do you think when people insist Dean is the only one with feminine characteristics or woman-coded, but that sam isn't?

I think you can guess my answer lmfao.

when ppl talk abt dean like that I find it incredibly irritating as it is based on superficial and demeaning ideas of “femininity.” bc truly what the fuck does dean as a character have to do with social expectations of womanhood. his role in the story is Head Of Household which he inherited from john. in terms of samndean’s relationship dean is the partner who calls the shots and who determines when sam should be considered trustworthy/“good” by the audience and by other characters like bobby and cas. he’s the domineering husband (to sam, for most of this story) and the abusive father (very true for jack, also kind of true for ben if you’re paying attention) and he started metamorphosing into his Own father from the very beginning. he makes himself big and rough and mean because that’s what he thinks he’s supposed to do to protect His Family (mostly just sam). he makes decisions abt sam’s body for him bc sam’s body tacitly belongs to dean, no matter how much sam initially fights this reality. he views women as either sex objects (his neverending conquests) or helpless lambs who need protecting (see how he talks abt jo or claire, for example, or even just the female victims he takes a shine to throughout the early seasons). as soon as a female antagonist displeases him she’s a Bitch and a Skank and a Whore whom he’s desperate to stick his knife in.

fyi dean being super misogynistic is delicious to me and very important to the narrative but most people straight-up edit it out which is. wild. you’re pretending THIS MAN isn’t a woman-hater? THIS MAN???

anyway yeah a male character isn’t Mommy-Coded for preparing a meal or tending to his sick partner lmfao. he isn’t One Of The Girls bc he occasionally deigns to pierce the suffocating shell of his toxic masculinity to indulge in shit that he’d call Gay if another man did it around him. you’re being sexist and ignorant when you talk like that lol. people who use that language for sam are more often than not doing so bc his narrative is deeply and painfully relatable to women bc at its core it is abt his lack of agency over his own body and his own life. people who use that language for dean are just being fucking. silly. and I would guess they don’t have strong opinions abt the show’s actual female characters and how it treats them.

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

I feel like Jack as a character is largely interesting/good, but the way people react to him makes me deeply uncomfortable. Like i guess you could forgive a teenager you never actually agreed to be in charge of for accidentally killing your mom, but i don’t think that should be a societal expectation. Like that’s Dean’s MOM, i don’t think Jack deserves to die obviously but why should Dean HAVE to forgive him? And the common defense that Jack is a literal baby (so he can’t be held responsible for his actions) is so weird bc… no he isn’t??? He literally isn’t a baby. And I’m okay with Dean forgiving him too, but it’s so weird that people act like it’s unreasonable to have any negative emotions about the person who killed your mom. And that’s not even getting into how many people blame Mary for her death when she did absolutely nothing wrong.

Yeah I agree with everything you said.

It is not fair to expect anyone to immediately forgive someone for killing their mom (or really expect that at all...). I would also add to this that the person Dean COULD not and WOULD not forgive...

was NOT Jack!!!!!!!

It was Soulless Jack, who cast the blame for what happened onto Mary and said it was "regrettable". So more disturbing for me than this tendency to treat Jack as a baby who isn't responsible for his actions... is this inability to see the distinction between the REAL Jack and Soulless Jack, when their differences are READILY apparent!! Jack—the real Jack—would NEVER have spoken to Sam and Dean about Mary's death the way Soulless Jack did. He would NEVER have hurt people because Dumah told him to—he would have thrown her into a wall in a fit of righteous rage and said "You're hurting people!" THAT is the REAL Jack!!! We see that we have the real Jack back when he comes back, and one of the first things he does is break down in tears and apologize genuinely for Mary. So when Dean can't forgive and he's full of rage in the aftermath of Mary's death... the person all that anger is directed at ISN'T Jack. It's a thing wearing Jack's face—devoid of the real Jack's strong moral compass and love for others which continuously counterbalanced his naivety and allowed him to parse when he was being manipulated and used by evil forces, tempered his anger, and made him who he was.

I do think part of what makes fans so angry with Dean is the lead up to this and how Dean and Jack interact in general since season 13... and some of that frustration is fair, but some of it also really... is not.

I've said before (in tags) on @dontfeedthestansaftermidnight that a lot of fandom interacts with Dean as a representation of love and belonging within the narrative instead of just as a human being. So it doesn't matter how [insert character] behaved toward him/what they did or how Dean's hurting or what's going on with him. He needs to be actively loving everyone all of the time—unconditionally—or he isn't doing his job. Only Dean's feelings need to be placed under a microscope and analyzed and judged because only his feelings (and how he displays them or doesn't) carry the weight of judgement and what it means to be loved and accepted.

Dean is kind of like... well—he's the doors and walls and windows of the Winchester family house, and he's the hearth, and almost everyone wants a piece of that warmth and that sense of belonging. This is especially apparent in the Carver era, but it ultimately prevails from the very beginning to the bitter end of the series—that Dean's love is kind of... different. It's tangible and transcendent, and it's wrought with some serious trauma that gives it sharp edges, but it's something truly special and even... coveted? What Cas said about Dean in that speech in 15x18 wasn't wrong at all—it was a testament to the power of Dean's love within the narrative.

So yeah—I think the reason we tend to see Dean judged for how he interacts with Jack isn't just because Dean is being a jerk sometimes, but also because of the power of his love specifically within the narrative, and what him specifically "rejecting" someone means to fans.

We all see Jack as a sweet kid, who deserves to be accepted, and Dean—the representation of love and belonging—really struggles to love him? Or at least in the way Jack (and Sam and Cas and most fans) would like—and that's... tough for people to accept. It makes them angry.

I think that Dean loves Jack and I think Dean believes that Jack is a good kid and I think that Dean believes that Jack deserves to be loved... but I also think there is something that makes it really difficult for Dean to give Jack the love everyone (including Dean!) would like Dean to to give Jack.

I personally think maybe Dean feels out of place in terms of how he's expected to love Jack (as a son) versus how he would prefer their relationship to look. Like—Dean taking Jack fishing when Jack is dying... to me it feels more like Dean giving Jack the thing he knows Jack really desires—the relationship he knows Jack really wants to have with Dean. I can't shake the feeling that for Dean, Jack brings up a lot of really traumatic things, and Dean knows that isn't Jack's fault (but that's hard to remember), but it also changes how Dean wants their relationship to be and the boundaries he wants to set. I think it's very significant that just one episode before Jack was born, Dean stood in Mary's dreams and told her that he had to be a mother and a father to his little brother and that that wasn't fair, and in the next episode, he loses Mary and Cas, and is saddled with someone else's child. Sam begins urging him to put aside his grief and accept a parenting role over Jack immediately. Dean's very first response to that is that he doesn't want to be Jack's mother. And I have to wonder... is that so unfair?

I think Dean has an obligation to treat Jack with decency and respect (and sometimes he fails to do this), but despite his place in the narrative and his transcendent love... Dean is actually just a guy—not the actual god of love... so while Dean's love and how it's viewed is really beautiful... it also isn't fair to Dean that these expectations of his feelings (which he can't fully control—only his actions can be controlled) are placed on him? And look—Jack isn't his son. He isn't obligated to be Jack's mother or his father and he isn't obligated to love him as a son. Dean wasn't the one who swore to love and protect Jack—that was Cas. Cas adopted him, and then immediately died, and... I don't even ship destiel, but not because I don't think there's something to it—there's some obvious implications here with what happened with Cas lying (again) to Dean and tricking (read: cheating) him right before all of this happened too—rejecting Dean's gift (the mixtape) and his request for them to work as a team in the process.

So Jack is like... well—he was literally designed by the writers to be a person that Dean would struggle to love. He represents pretty much every defining trauma of Dean's life. He represents Dean's parentification, the loss of his mother (twice), the abandonment of his father, the trauma of losing Cas over and over, Cas's secrets and betrayals, Sam and how he was unfairly and cruelly tainted from birth—slated for an evil purpose—and how Dean had to be the one to deal with that most closely (besides Sam himself). Jack also represents Dean—he is the child forced to grow up too fast, and that is also Dean (and this last one absolutely sets the groundwork for a lot of their interactions and similarities in terms of self-sacrifice and being weaponized).

Mary being blamed for her death is also gross and I don't feel any need to comment any further on that and all the problems in fandom that this relates to.

[nastyburger]

Shit I worded that weird sorry. I myself am agender and I didn't mean to lightly dead name anyone (trans or Danny or anyone else). I was thinking in more of an AU, gender-reversal sense. Like, Sam can stay Sam bc that's androgynous. But Tucker would have a different name and maybe, in that world, Danny isn't trans (or is transfemme instead) so she wouldn't have chosen Danny as her name. And would, thus, probably still go by whatever jack and Maddie called her/have chosen a more femme sounding name instead

Sorry that didn't come across well AT ALL in my og ask. (But thanks for the honest reply anyway!)

(and also yesss I am so on board with Danny also being Jackie that's such a cute name in general and the lore/reasoning/Easter egg behind it is perf)

theres nothing wrong with coming up with a dead name for a trans character, especially if youre trans yourself and youre okay with it! i only made that point cause the way your ask was worded felt like a question directed to the general phandom's hcs so i gave my two cents on why it possibly was the way it was.

your previous ask did not mention an au at all or maybe i missed it so yeah didnt realize that was why you were sharing that info! it doesnt seem like something id be interested in but certainly a classic fun idea to play around with.

(also glad you like the name hc but for me personally i dont really want it thrown around as some official girl name or anything like that. people are free to do whatever and even use it as a dead name in fics if they want but i personally dont want to take it out of the dead name context and have it be a cute genderbend name. its a fictional character that doesnt belong to me with a little trans headcanon attached to him so it is in absolutely no way that big of a deal like i seriously mean it when i say i do not care that much but i just prefer my dead name hc not being used as anything else or being really open with it.)

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

what do you think tfw 2.0’s favorite pixar movies are?

i think cas would like a bug’s life (part of an ant colony but feeling out of place) or finding nemo (like dory, discovered by two clownfish and dealing with memory/belonging issues).

i think dean would like cars for obvious reasons, but also toy story (with all the abandonment and childhood, but also enemies to friends between a cowboy and a space man who doesn’t realize he can be his own sentient being).

jack would love the incredibles (jack jack! also a family who kicks ass is cool) or monsters inc (basically two dads raising a powerful kid).

sam might enjoy something a bit more out of the box and philosophical, or a commentary on humanity, like soul and wall-e.

special mentions: coco because they’d all cry. luca for deancas reasons. onward for sam and dean reasons. ratatouille because i don’t have a good enough character excuse, but it’s my favorite.

I absolutely love all of these. I also posit re extended found family that Uncle Crowley busts in pontificating about the underrated but absolutely stellar non-Pixar Hunchback of Notre Dame (bc that one is MY favorite); Claire continuously explains to everyone Moana and Brave are the best because the 'princess' saves herself in both; and Jody just rolls her eyes and puts Lion King back on because "they just don't make them better than this one, kids. Trust me." [Donna agrees even though she secretly prefers Tangled] (also Kim Rhodes would rock the hell out of singing that opening song sequence).

PS Cas likes Finding Nemo specifically bc Dean made him watch it because of his own love of Dory :) (see 'Regarding Dean,' 12x11 - "I'm not going to apologize for loving that fish. Not to you, not to anyone."

[expectingtofly]

Not Jealous (Okay, Maybe a Little... Maybe a Lot)

8.1k

fluff, set sometime in s13, tfw gets a visit from the djinn queen

(okay so in 13x16, Cas says he killed most of the djinn guarding the Tree of Life, but this fic ignores that bc I like to think that Cas is an excellent negotiator and actually became friends with the djinn and their queen :))

also posted on ao3

created for CastielWasTheFirstTemptation for the Profound Bond Discord Exchange

Dean was having a crappy Tuesday. And he’d had plenty of experience with bad Tuesdays. 

He was sitting in the library trying to parse through a stack of books, organizing them according to random categories he was half-sure Sam had made up to specifically torture him. 

They’d been busy with hunts all month and on their one day off, Sam had decided it was “organize the bunker” day. He was downstairs in one of the storage rooms happily cataloguing away. Dean was stuck up here, doing the same thing, less happily. 

He was tossing a book onto the Sewer Dwelling Monsters pile when the bunker door screeched open. 

“Hey,” he called, grabbing another book and leafing through it. “You better have remembered to pick up beer and pie because I’m going crazy here.”

“Dean, we have a visitor.”

And that’s when Dean’s Tuesday got worse. 

Dean looked up to see Cas standing on the stairway next to a ridiculously tall man—and that was saying something when they lived with Sasquatch himself. Dean only needed one look at the black tattoos snaking over the man’s bald head and forearms to realize he was a Djinn.

Quickly, Dean stood, pushing his chair back. “Who the hell are you?” he demanded.

The man fixed him with a heavy stare, then proceeded to scan the room. Cas spoke up, “Don’t worry, he’s not a threat.” To the man, he said, “I promise it’s safe in here.”

“What—” Dean started, then the man nodded once and motioned to someone beyond the doorway. 

In a loud voice, he announced, “May I present Queen of the Djinn, her majesty Zara.”

At his words, a woman swept through the door, dressed in a long, dark cloak, her arms and neck also covered in Djinn tattoos.

“Why, Castiel,” she said, gazing around the room. “What a lovely home you have. I have to say, though, I didn’t expect you to live underground.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean spoke up. “Who the fuck are you?”

The woman turned her eyes on him and Cas shifted uncomfortably. He was holding several reusable grocery bags in his hands. “Dean, this is Zara. My, uh, betrothed.”

“Your what?” Dean spluttered and the woman—Queen Zara, apparently—started down the stairs, her dress and cloak sweeping behind her. 

“You must be Dean Winchester,” she said. “Castiel told me about you.” Reaching the bottom of the staircase, she extended her hand palm down, and Dean stared at it. He settled on shaking it, unsure whether she was expecting him to bow or kiss her hand. 

“Sorry, can we back up for a second?” He looked up at Cas who was following the other Djinn down the stairs. “Did you say betrothed?”

“Yes,” Zara answered brightly. 

“Okay,” Dean said, slowly, unsure if he was understanding this correctly. Cas looked a little guilty. “Care to elaborate, Cas?”

“I may have technically become married to Zara when I went in search of the fruit of the Tree of Life.” Dean raised his eyebrows, and he added, “And I may have forgotten to tell you.”

“You forgot to tell me?” Dean repeated. 

“I was going to,” Cas said. “But then we ended up in that cartoon with the talking dog and there was so much going on—”

“If I may,” Zara interjected, and Dean realized Zara and the man, presumably her bodyguard, were watching them go back and forth. “I see there’s been a miscommunication. See, when Castiel arrived for negotiations to obtain the fruit of the Tree of Life, we Djinn were in the middle of a war. I asked for Castiel’s hand in marriage in exchange for giving him the fruit, and we pledged ourselves to each other, agreeing to hold the official binding ceremonies later when the war didn’t require all my focus.” 

Dean glared at Cas. Pledged themselves to each other? Cas ducked his head with a sheepish look and set his grocery bags on the table.

Unbothered, Zara continued, “Now that the war has ended, I am able to turn my thoughts towards finalizing our relationship. I came to reunite with dear Castiel and bring him back to my kingdom for our official wedding ceremony.”

“Hold on,” Dean spoke up. “Wedding? Bring him back—Cas ain’t gonna marry you.”

Zara’s eye twitched. “I think that’s up to Castiel, isn’t it, Dean?”

Dean looked to Cas for help, who spoke up, “I’m afraid Dean is right, Zara. I’m sorry, but I don’t think I realized the extent of the commitment I made. I can’t marry you.”

Dean eyed Zara and her bodyguard, tensing for a fight, but Zara’s reaction was only to smile and pat Cas’ shoulder. 

“It’s no surprise that you would feel that way, Castiel,” she said. “We hardly know each other, after all. I confess, part of my reasoning for journeying here was to see the real you, to learn about you. I’m eager for us to grow closer during our time together.”

“During our time—” Dean was interrupted by Zara clapping her hands. Instantly, the bunker door opened to admit a line of other Djinn who filed down the stairs, all carrying baskets or trunks or cases.

Dean stared at them. “What the fuck…” 

“There’s more of them,” Cas said unhelpfully.

“Alright, we need to talk.” Grabbing Cas’ arm, Dean pulled him into the adjacent hallway. “Stay right there!” he told Zara, jabbing his finger at her.

“Dean, I’m sorry,” Cas started as Dean dragged him into the hallway. 

“Dude, what the fuck? Getting freaking engaged to a Djinn isn’t just something you forget to tell us about!”

“I was preoccupied!” Cas protested.

“And now you’re gonna let them into the bunker? Are you crazy?”

“They’re not a threat, Dean. Zara is very different from the Djinn we’ve encountered before.”

Footsteps sounded behind them and Dean turned to see Sam running over. “What’s going on out here, what’s all that noise?”

“We’ve been invaded by the Djinn,” Dean said, and Sam’s eyes widened. 

“What? How? I’ll grab guns—”

“No, Sam.” Cas put out his hand to stop Sam from bolting down the hallway. “It’s not like that, they’re friendly.”

“Oh, so now you’re buddies with them?” Dean asked. 

Cas shot him a look and started explaining the situation to Sam. Shaking his head, Dean peeked out through the doorway to watch the Djinn pile their belongings on the map table, Zara giving instructions. 

Preoccupied? Really? Then again, communication never had been one of his and Cas’ strengths. 

There were about ten other Djinn besides Zara and her bodyguard. One of the men set down a large trunk and Dean winced at the scuffing noise it made on the floor. Then the man opened the trunk and Dean startled, realizing it was filled with weapons and blades.

“Hey!” he protested, storming into the room. “No weapons allowed in here. You don’t wanna start something with us, this is our home turf.”

The bodyguard stepped forward, cracking his knuckles, but Zara only laughed. “This is a friendly visit, Dean, I assure you. These items are for Castiel, as part of my dowry.” She brightened, seeing Sam and Cas enter the room. “Sam Winchester, I presume?” She extended her hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Sam took her hand and made an awkward nod, half bow. “Um, uh, pleasure."

“Charming,” Zara said with a laugh. She looked at Cas. “You were right, he does have such beautiful hair.”

Dean rolled his eyes and Zara motioned around the room. “As you can see, we’ve brought quite a few things. Would you mind having your attendants show mine to the cookery? We brought food for a feast.”

“Um, we don’t have attendants,” Cas said. He looked to Dean for help, and when Dean didn’t offer any assistance—Cas was the one who had gotten them into this mess—he said, “I can show you around.” 

He headed off with Zara, her attendants holding baskets of food, and her bodyguard, who cast a suspicious look at Dean before following. 

Dean glared at their retreating backs. “A feast? What the hell is happening?”

“She seems nice,” Sam commented. 

“Nice? Did you miss the part where she’s engaged to Cas?”

“Yeah. Weird.” He started for the library. “I think we have a few books on Djinn. I wonder how binding their engagements are.”

Dean stared at his retreating back, then at the doorway where Cas and the Djinn had left through. “What the hell is going on?” he asked aloud.

A peek into the kitchen showed the Djinn plating food and cooking—Dean had to force himself to walk away before he started a war with them by barging in and demanding they stop touching his stove.

He followed Zara’s annoyingly regal voice to the hallway outside the bedrooms where Cas was apparently giving a tour to her and her bodyguard.

“How many people live here?” she asked as Dean walked over.

“Just the four of us,” Jack said. 

Oh, so now Jack was in on it too. He smiled, noticing Dean. “Dean! You should try these cookies.” He held up something that looked suspiciously like what the Djinn had been putting on plates in the kitchen.

So now they were bribing his family with food? Crossing his arms, Dean said, “I don’t know if you noticed, Zara, but we weren’t exactly expecting you or your, uh, attendants. Just how long are you planning to stay here?”

“At least a week,” she answered, shattering any hope that they might be gone by 6pm. “Cas was just showing us all these extra bedrooms where we can stay.”

Dean glared at Cas, who avoided his eyes and motioned to Zara to follow him down the hallway. “Um, over here is where we keep archival documents,” he said.

Jack made to follow and Dean grabbed his elbow. “What’s her deal?” he asked, watching Zara and her bodyguard follow Cas down the hallway. 

“What do you mean?” Jack asked, following his gaze.

“She barges in here with a dozen Djinn saying she’s engaged to Cas? Are they trying to infiltrate us? Can you tell if she’s evil?”

“She isn’t saying she’s engaged, she is engaged to Cas.” Jack finished off his cookie. “Cas told me, when he came back from Zara’s kingdom.”

“He told you?” And not me? he wanted to add. 

Maybe it was implied on his face because Jack looked mildly uncomfortable. “I can tell, she isn’t evil. She’s friendly.”

“What else did Cas say about her?” Dean asked, trying not to sound too interested or concerned. No need to panic; Cas had only gotten engaged to obtain the Tree of Life fruit. Not like Cas was actually into the Queen.

“Cas said she was very nice, but that he was in a rush and didn’t realize what was happening until it was too late. I don’t think he thought she would come after him.”

“Yeah, he looks real concerned,” Dean muttered, hearing Cas’ voice echo down the hallway along with Zara’s laughter. 

Wiping crumbs off his hands, Jack said, “I’m gonna get another cookie.”

 Stopping to grab his gun first, Dean followed Jack back to the kitchen. He swore, if the Djinn made a mess… But the room was empty and surprisingly clean for the amount of activity that had just been going on in there. 

They followed the sound of voices to the library where the tables had been pushed together and covered in platters and dishes. Dean stopped in the doorway, staring.

“Cool!” Jack exclaimed, going over to a plate stacked high with cookies.

“I told them we could have the feast in here,” Sam said at Dean’s elbow and Dean startled.

“You told them—” Fuming, he glared at the Djinn talking to Jack. “What’s the verdict? How many do I gotta kill to get Cas out of this engagement?”

“Put the gun away, you don’t have to kill anyone. According to a book I found, as long as Zara agrees to call the engagement off before the wedding begins, Cas isn’t tied to her.” He gestured to the book shelves. “You know, this isn’t such a bad thing, them being here. We've never actually gotten to talk to any Djinn before, and the Men of Letters don’t have much information on them.”

“Of course you’d be a nerd about this,” Dean complained. He nodded at where Zara was entering the room talking with Cas. “Don’t think she’s gonna give Cas up that easily. She already seems pretty attached.”

“I’m sure Cas will talk to her, let her know this is all a misunderstanding. In the meantime, try to be friendly, okay? We can’t risk getting the Djinn on our bad side.”

“We could take them,” Dean said and Sam gave him his patented bitch face. He huffed. “Fine.”

A clinking noise drew Dean’s attention to where Zara was standing at the head of the table, tapping a glass with a spoon. The room grew quiet and she announced, “I want to say thank you to the Winchesters and my betrothed Castiel for so graciously welcoming us into their home. I hope this meal marks the beginning of a wonderful alliance between us Djinn and the hunters. Now let us eat!”

Everyone moved to take a seat, Zara gesturing for Cas to sit at her right hand side. Dean pointedly took a spot close by to keep an eye on her. “I think you’ll enjoy this dish,” Zara said, passing him a bowl. “Cas tells me you’re the cook here.”

“Uh—” Dean took the bowl and ladled what looked like mashed potatoes on his plate. “When’d he have time to tell you that?”

Zara waved her hand. “We talked some when he came to my kingdom. He told me all about you and your brother and why you needed the Tree of Life’s fruit. I must thank you for saving the world quite a few times.”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.”

“You’re welcome,” Sam spoke up. 

Cas had been telling Zara about him? Inconsequential stuff, like that he cooked? Gathering himself, he said, “You know, we’ve encountered plenty Djinn before you.” He ignored the death stare Sam shot at him. “Had to kill plenty too. You wanna tell me how I’m supposed to trust you? What’s stopping you from poisoning all of us?”

Sam cleared his throat and the bodyguard standing behind Zara’s chair glowered at Dean. Dean glared back.

“Those Djinn were not part of my kingdom,” Zara said solemnly. “Our most sacred law is to never bring anyone harm. If I had found those Djinn you speak of, they would’ve been brought to a swift justice.” She glanced at Cas. “I’ve already gained the trust of Castiel, I'd hoped I had your trust as well.”

“You do,” Sam said quickly, side-eying Dean. “Dean’s just being, uh, cautious.”

Cas nodded, and across the table, Jack tore into his meal, seemingly not worried at all that the Djinn had prepared it. Sam gave Dean a pointed look and Dean rolled his eyes. So, Zara and her crew weren’t evil and apparently didn’t mean them any harm. Didn’t mean Dean was going to fall over himself trying to be friends. 

Ignoring Sam’s record-setting bitch face, he hesitantly started eating, finding to his annoyance that Zara was right. This food was pretty damn good.

He kept his mouth shut throughout the rest of dinner. Zara answered Sam’s questions about her kingdom, about the community the Djinn had created in the mountains, hidden from humans. According to her, it was “Heaven on Earth.”

Scowling, Dean drank from the goblet in front of him. Some kind of concoction he wasn’t sure he liked or not. Zara sure was laying it on thick. When she mentioned royal gardens, Dean saw the moment interest flared in Cas’ eyes. 

For fuck’s sake. Of course Zara loved to garden. Bet she had a whole bee farm, or whatever they called those. Anything to get in Cas’ pants, no doubt. 

He tried another sip from the goblet and grimaced. No, not good, he decided. Way too similar to the healthy crap Sam was always eating. Cas asked about the plants Zara had in her gardens, and Dean wondered why Cas had never planted a garden here at the bunker. He was always talking about the benefits of spending time in nature since, apparently, they didn’t get enough sunlight living in an underground bunker. Then again, Dean hadn’t ever really taken Cas’ talk about gardens and sustainability seriously. He categorized Cas’ interest in plants and bees as just another example of what a dork he was. A powerful angel of the Lord, but a dork all the same.

“I’m so happy to see you again,” Zara told Cas as a few of her attendants served what Dean guessed was some kind of Djinn desert, some weird pale pudding. She leaned forward and took one of Cas’ hands, and Dean clenched his own hands into fists under the table. 

Zara stroked her thumb over Cas’ knuckles. “Now that our tribe is at peace with our warring siblings to the North, we are looking to expand relations with other kinds. Humans, for instance, and angels. I think you can be a strong ally in making that happen.”

“I can try,” Cas said. He looked uncomfortable, staring at her holding his hand, and Dean remembered sitting across him in a brothel, trying to get him laid on possibly his last night on Earth. Good times. Even after years of being on Earth and talking to women, Cas never lost the deer in the headlights look when one of them showed interest in him. The sight gave Dean a strange satisfaction. Zara had no chance with Cas. 

She was going to give it her best shot, though. As if a feast wasn’t enough, after dinner, Zara presented Cas with gifts—ornate swords and knives with gilded handles, books detailing the Djinn history and folklore, robes and cloaks like the ones Zara and her entourage wore. Cas kept a polite smile on his face, but Dean saw the increasingly overwhelmed look in his eyes at the sheer amount of gifts.

Dean felt similarly overwhelmed and, somewhere along the line, he decided he’d had enough of Zara doing her damndest to impress Cas, touching his arm at any given chance. She had Sam and Jack under her spell too, it seemed, because neither of them were bothered by the ridiculous show she was putting on. 

Even when he left the library and shut the door to his room, voices and laughter carried down the hallway. He was glad everyone else was having a good time and completely ignoring the absurdity of this situation. Cas? Engaged? And to royalty? 

Seething, he sat on his bed and turned on the TV, trying to distract himself. He didn’t know how much time had passed before he realized he was watching an infomercial for a nonstick pan. 

A knock on his door sounded and he swore under his breath. “Go away, Sam,” he called. If he had to get another lecture about hospitality…

“It’s just me.”

Dean straightened, said, “Come in,” and Cas opened the door, holding a grocery bag. 

“I know, I know,” Dean said. “Don’t be rude to our guests, blah blah blah. I get it.”

“You were very rude to Zara,” Cas agreed, shutting the door behind him. “She’s only trying to be kind.”

Dean scoffed. “Yeah. Kind. That’s all.” Cas stared at him, cocking his head, and Dean rolled his eyes. Of fucking course Cas would be oblivious to Zara flirting with him. “You finally get through the fuckton of gifts she brought?”

Cas sighed. “It was too much. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with it all.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Sam will be up early organizing everything.” He nodded at the bag in Cas’ hand. “What’s that?”

“Oh, um,” Cas glanced down at it. “I thought you might want this.”

Dean took it from him and looked inside. The pie and beer he’d requested from the grocery store earlier that day. “Thanks,” he said. 

Cas stepped closer to the bed, then hesitated. Dean motioned for him to sit and Cas did so on the edge of the bed, away from Dean’s legs. He glanced at the TV. “We should have another movie night soon. We haven’t had one in a long time.”

“Yeah. Sure.” He was pretty sure Cas was just trying to appease him, though he didn’t know why. He was the one who’d been rude to Zara, Cas’ “betrothed.”

He opened a beer and watched Cas out of the corner of his eye, heart starting to quicken a little, as it always did when he was alone with him. It was ridiculous, because he and Cas were just friends. Obviously. He didn’t know why he had to remind himself so often. 

Cas twisted a loose thread on his trenchcoat sleeve. “Dean,” he started.

“Your girlfriend’s gonna start looking for you soon,” Dean interrupted. Cas lifted his head and squinted at him. “She sure is trying to impress you, going on and on about her kingdom.”

“It's a very beautiful place,” Cas said. “I wouldn’t mind visiting again. But I wouldn’t want to live there.” He studied him and Dean looked away, picked at lint on the comforter. “Dean, she may be trying to impress me, but I have no intention of marrying her, I never did. This whole situation is an unfortunate accident.” 

Dean cleared his throat. “Right. Yeah. Of course.” Obviously. I know that. Didn’t mean Zara fawning over Cas didn’t make his skin crawl. 

Cas looked like he wanted to say more, but he stood. “I suppose I should return to the library. Are you coming?” 

“Uh, yeah, in a bit,”

Cas left and Dean stared at the closed door, then down at his pie. It shouldn’t matter what Cas did, who he was interested in, who flirted with him. Not like Dean had any say in the matter, not like they were dating or something—which was not an option. Because Cas was just a friend. His best friend, but a friend all the same.

Sighing, he picked up his pie and beer before he left his room. He was going to need them if he was going to have to watch Zara and Cas interact. 

*** 

The next day, Zara and her entourage showed no signs of going home. Dean ran into several of them in the bathroom down the hall, two sitting in the kitchen talking to Jack, and four more in one of the archival rooms helping Sam—as Dean had suspected—catalogue Cas’ gifts.

Zara and Cas he found talking in the library, continuing a conversation from last night about agricultural practices in her kingdom. Apparently there was a lot to say on the topic. Last night, before going to bed, Zara had made some cheeky remark about waiting after the official wedding ceremony to consummate her and Cas’ marriage, and Dean had wanted to rip her head off. It only made things worse that apparently Cas wasn’t bothered by that remark, but of course not—Zara liked gardening and was cultured and had given him a million and one presents. There was no real reason to hate her, though that wouldn't stop Dean. 

He paused in the library’s doorway, before Cas and Zara could spot him, and caught the tail end of what Zara was saying,

“I know that you are distanced from Heaven, as evidenced by you living with hunters.” 

Dean bristled at the underlying meaning in her words—Cas had no place with him and Sam. They were just gross humans. 

Zara continued, “We have many in my kingdom who have been displaced from their homes, who are no longer a part of their own. I think you will find us to be an accepting community.”

“I’m sure I would,” Cas said, and Dean’s heart sunk. “But Heaven hasn’t been my home in a long time. This is my home now.”

Dean felt a little stunned at his words. Cas said it so emphatically. As if the bunker wasn’t just a place he’d ended up, but somewhere he chose to be, wanted to be.

Making a U-turn, he grabbed his keys and jacket and took Baby out for a drive. Unfortunately, even the rushing wind through the windows and the blaring music on the radio couldn’t distract him from his thoughts. 

Did Cas really think of the bunker as home? Here? With him and Sam and Jack? Well, of course, he told himself. Cas lived here, didn’t he? 

It was more than that, though, Dean knew. Cas had rebelled against Heaven to help them. Stuck by their sides for years. If this wasn’t his home, then where else?

And who did Zara think she was? She thought Cas needed a home, that she could give him one. As if they weren’t good enough for him. Well, Dean knew Cas deserved a lot better, but they got along pretty well. Had been through enough shit together, at least.

Zara had met Cas only once; she hadn’t stopped apocalypses and faced demons with him. Dean knew Cas better than anyone, or so he liked to think. Cas knew him better than anyone, at least. 

That’s what this is, he told himself. Why Zara annoyed him so much. He was just pissed that Zara thought she knew what was best for Cas. It didn’t matter that Cas seemed to get along well with her, that she had so much in common with him, that she wanted to marry him. Technically, if Cas wanted to marry her too, that wasn’t a problem either. 

He gripped the steering wheel tighter and glared out at the road. Not a problem.

When the sky was dark, he returned from his drive to a quiet bunker. Zara and her attendants were nowhere to be seen, and as he came down the stairs, Cas walked into the war room.

“Where were you?” he asked, stopping short.

Dean shrugged. “Just out for a drive.” He held out a plastic bag. “Here.”

Frowning, Cas took it from him and pulled out two packets of seeds. “Tomato seeds?” he asked, studying them. 

“Just thought, I don’t know. You’re always talking about nature and whatever. You could start a garden outside. If you want.”

Cas looked up at him, some unreadable emotion on his face. Dean almost asked if a garden was still in the works, or if Cas had started to envision the Djinn gardens. “Figure even if you don’t eat you should contribute to dinner,” he said instead. “Start growing food.”

Cas smiled and looked back at the seeds. “Thank you, Dean. That's very thoughtful of you.” 

Dean felt his face heat. Looking around, he asked, “Where’s her majesty?”

“She went to bed.”

“She try to seduce you?”

Cas cocked his head. “No. Why would she?”

“Uh, maybe because she’s trying to marry you.”

“Well, I’m not marrying her. I think she understands that.”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“I’ve made my intentions clear, Dean.”

“Right,” Dean said, not convinced. Cas studied him, the familiar, peculiar squint to his eyes and Dean nearly squirmed. Turning, he said, “I’m going to bed.”

He passed Sam in the hallway near the bedrooms. “Hey,” he said, not stopping.

“Dean,” Sam called, and he turned. “You alright? Where were you all day?”

“Just wanted to get away from our million visitors. I’m fine.”

“Is, um… Is everything alright with you and Cas? He was wondering where you went.”

Dean crossed his arms. “We’re fine. I mean, he brought the Djinn here, but nothing we can do about it now.”

“Right. Um. Well, it’s just…” Sam looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “You’ve been acting… Well, acting kinda weird around Zara and Cas.” Dean stared at him. “Like you’re jealous or something.”

“I’m not fucking jealous! What the hell is there to be jealous about?”

Sam raised his hands. “I’m just telling you what I see.”

“Well, you’re fucking wrong.” Sam started to speak, but Dean ignored him and turned on his heel, continued to his room. “I’m not fucking jealous,” he muttered under his breath.

I’m not jealous, he repeated to himself the next day, watching Zara and Cas talk over breakfast. Or the next, which played out the same way: too many strangers wandering the hallways, Zara taking up all of Cas’ attention. Not that Dean needed Cas’ attention; he just didn’t see how Cas could be so oblivious to Zara’s intentions.

Unless Cas wasn’t oblivious and he was actually interested in Zara.

Absurd, Dean told himself. But the idea sat heavy in his stomach anyway. I’m not jealous, he told himself again. He was starting to sound less convincing. 

***

“Hey where’s Cas?”

Zara looked up from where she and Sam were poring over books in the library. Sam frowned, looking around. “I haven’t seen him yet today.”

“If you find him, tell him to join us,” Zara said, “Sam and I are going through the Men of Letters’ books on the Djinn. I’m afraid there are quite a few historical inaccuracies.”

“Right, sure.” Leaving the library, Dean headed back through the hallways, wondering where Cas could’ve gone. He hadn’t left Zara’s side much in the five days she’d been here. 

Maybe he’s finally gotten annoyed with her, he thought hopefully.

When his search through the bunker proved futile, Dean had a thought and headed outside. Sure enough, a few yards from the bunker door, next to a bag of potting soil and a tray of small green containers, Cas sat cross legged on the grass holding one of the seed packets Dean had bought for him.

“Hey,” Dean said and Cas looked up at him.

“Hello.” He began placing the seeds into the containers and Dean stood there awkwardly, watching. Maybe planting the seeds was a sign; maybe this meant Cas was planning to stay. Or maybe it meant Cas was going to take his tomato plants with him to Zara’s kingdom.

When Cas remained silent, Dean started turning away to leave him to his planting. “You can fill this tray with soil,” Cas spoke up, stopping him.

“Um, okay.” Sitting down next to him, Dean scooped soil out of the bag with a shovel and poured it carefully into the planting containers. Cas smoothed soil over the seeds he'd planted.

“Zara and Sam sure are getting along well,” Dean said after a few minutes of silence. “They’re going through the books in the library right now. Apparently there’s a lot of ‘inaccuracies’ in them.”

“Hmm.” There was a smudge of dirt on Cas’ chin that Dean was more than tempted to wipe off. Looking away, he poured more dirt in the containers before he was idiotic enough to try.

The weather was warm, a breeze rustling the leafy tree branches around them. Dean wished he could relax, but being in such close proximity to Cas was making his pulse race, per usual. Maybe even more so now, considering the way he’d been feeling lately. Not jealousy, he told himself. Just, concern. Friendly concern for Cas. 

Unwittingly, he thought of the way Zara looked at Cas, spoke to him, touched him, and he gripped the shovel tighter in his hand. Okay. Fine. Maybe Sam was sorta right. Maybe he was a little jealous. It didn’t mean anything though.

Realizing Cas had stopped planting seeds, he glanced sideways at him. Cas was letting soil sift through his fingers, a crease between his brows and a seriousness in his gaze that didn’t match the gentle way his fingers moved through the dirt. Dean started to wonder if Cas had come out here to get away from everyone, if something was on his mind.

“You and your plants there wanna get a room?” he asked and, fuck, that wasn’t what he wanted to say. Words were hard.

Cas glanced at him, then his recently planted seeds, and dropped the dirt he was holding. Apropos of nothing, he said, “Zara said she’ll call off the engagement if I really want.”

Dean’s initial surge of relief faded away when Cas kept glaring at the soil. Since he was pretty sure the tomato seeds hadn’t done anything to bother him, he asked, suddenly nervous, “Do you want to call it off?” 

“Yes, Dean. I don’t want to marry her.” Looking away, he brushed dirt from his hands.

“But?” Dean pressed. 

Cas sighed. “But she wants me to come back with her. Just for a visit. And I don’t know if I should.” He reached for a watering can at his side. “Zara and the other members of her kingdom were very welcoming when I first visited, and I’ve enjoyed taking to Zara during her stay here, but we have work to do. I can’t just leave.”

They did have work to do, but that was nothing new. Dean looked around at the start of Cas’ garden, at the slight rise of dirt a few yards away that marked the bunker underground. Maybe this was home for Cas, but it couldn’t compare to a kingdom, not how Zara described it. Begrudgingly, he thought of Cas and Zara's similar interests and her descriptions of her kingdom and how perfect it would be for Cas.

“Maybe you should visit,” he said, hating the way the words felt in his mouth. Cas frowned at him and he added, “Not saying you should marry Zara, but sounds like a cool place.” One part of his brain screamed at him to shut up shut up shut up, but the other told him this was the mature thing to do. Give Cas the freedom to make up his own mind. 

Cas nodded, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know.” he said quietly. “But if you really think so...” 

“Yeah, of course,” Dean said, feeling a little sick. Ignoring the sensation, he pat Cas on the shoulder. “Whatever you want.” 

Take that, Sam. Could a jealous person do this? 

***

Encouraging Cas to leave with his Djinn friends may have been the mature thing to do, but that didn’t stop it from hurting like hell. Going back inside, Dean holed up into his room, not wanting to hear Zara’s gleeful excitement when Cas told her he was going back with her to her kingdom. He had a feeling Zara wasn’t going to be calling off the engagement anytime soon.

He didn’t emerge until that night, when sounds of conversation and activity had diminished outside his door. One thing he had to say for the Djinn, despite the number of them staying over, the bunker had never been cleaner and they’d all obeyed his command to stay out of the garage. Begrudgingly, he had to admit it wasn’t so bad having them over. If only Zara wasn’t actively trying to impress Cas. 

How many days had they been here? They’d probably be leaving soon. His stomach twisted at the thought, knowing they would take Cas with them.

Just for a visit, he told himself. He’ll be back.

He went into the library looking for a drink and found Zara and Cas poring over books side by side.

“Oh, hey,” he said, stopping in the doorway.

Cas looked up at him, a worried expression on his face. “Are you alright, Dean? You disappeared all day.”

Why does everyone keep asking me that? Going to a side table, he poured himself a drink. “Yeah. Just tired.”

“I’m sure it must be exhausting hosting so many visitors all week,” Zara said. You don’t know the half of it, Dean thought. “But don’t worry, we’ll be out of your hair tomorrow.”

Dean turned, nearly spilling his whiskey. “Wait, what?” 

Zara smiled at him. “We’re returning to my kingdom tomorrow.”

He thought he’d have a few more days… “Tomorrow?” he managed. 

“Yes. I’m afraid I can’t stay forever, my people need me back home. And I know they will be waiting to hear news of my betrothed.” She pat Cas’ hand and Cas turned red.

“Oh. Right,” Dean managed. “Okay.”

He tried to say something else, then turned and left the room in a rush. Tomorrow. Cas was gonna leave and Dean had told him he should go. 

The kitchen was empty and he sat at the table, stared at the glass in his hand. 

I’m being an idiot, he thought. Cas can do whatever he wants, he doesn’t have to stay here. Probably been looking for an out for ages. 

Needing to do something with his hands, he stood and grabbed ingredients from the cupboards. Without really thinking about it, he started making a pie, mixing the ingredients with more force than was necessary. 

“Fucking ridiculous,” he muttered under his breath, rolling out the pie dough. Tell Cas to go to a Djinn kingdom, that’s smart. With Zara of all people? He’s gonna come back officially married to her, talking about the royal gardens. Or just not come back at all.

“Fuck,” he muttered, throwing open the fridge door to grab the butter.

“What’re you doing?”

Dean wheeled around to see Sam standing in the doorway. “What’s it look like?” He slammed shut the fridge door. “Making a goddamn pie.”

“At…” Sam leaned forward to see the time on the microwave. “2:14am?”

“Is it a crime to make a pie at 2am? I had a craving.”

“What are you, pregnant?”

Dean flipped him off and Sam leaned on the doorway. “Don’t see why you’re in such a bad mood. You should be glad; Zara’s leaving tomorrow. You’ve been bitching all week about the ‘invasion’.”

Pausing in draping the pie crust dough over the filling, Dean stared at him. Glad? Was no one else seeing the problem here? “What, you going with them too? Packed your bags yet? Zara seems to have put you under her spell too.”

Sam frowned. “Dean, you don’t think Cas—“

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean said quickly. “He can do whatever he wants.”

“Yeah, but you got this all wrong.” Straightening from the doorway, Sam came to the island. “Cas isn’t going with the Djinn.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he isn’t! Why the hell would he?”

Oh, I don’t know, Dean thought. Maybe because Zara is fucking perfect for him and knows exactly what he wants and knows how to actually talk to him and not act like a goddamn idiot every time he’s in the room.  

Furiously, he crimped the edges of the pie crust and accidentally tore a hole. “Son of a bitch!”

“Okay...” Sam said, watching him. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on with you, but snap out of it. Cas isn’t going anywhere and maybe if you talked to him, you’d know that. Or even just stopped to think for a second.”

“Fuck off,” Dean said, and Sam threw up his hands.

“Fine,” he said, leaving the room. “But you’re freaking out over nothing.”

Dean glared at him and put his pie in the oven, sat back down. He’d done plenty of thinking and like it or not, it didn’t seem completely outside the realm of possibility that Cas would want to be with someone who understood him and appreciated him. Not that Dean didn’t understand or appreciate him, of course he did. Cas was his best friend and Cas had saved his life countless times and Cas was Cas—he was dorky and sarcastic and weird and considerate and too fucking earnest in a way that made Dean squirm while also being secretly jealous of how Cas could just say things and, and—

And fuck he wanted Cas to stay.

He didn’t know how long he stared at the table, but he startled when the timer beeped to announce his pie was done. He glanced at the oven, then looked around the empty room.

"I think I really like him," he said aloud.

 Taking the pie out of the oven, Dean grabbed plates and silverware and headed to the library, hardly knowing what he was doing, just hoping to find Cas. Thankfully, Cas was still there, sitting alone.

“Made pie,” Dean announced eloquently, setting everything down.

Cas looked up and shut the book he was reading. “Oh.”

Tossing his oven mitts to the side, Dean cut a slice and wordlessly slid the plate to Cas. Cas stared at him like he had two heads. “Figured you might want to try it,” he said. “See what the molecules taste like.” In truth, he was stalling. He didn’t know what to say to Cas, how to share his recent epiphany that yes, he was jealous, and yes, he did like his best friend, and yes, he was panicking a little.

Cas looked like he had a few questions, but he took the plate. “Thank you,” he said. 

“No problem.” Dean’s hands were sweating as he served himself his own slice and sat down across from Cas. He had been hungry before, but now his stomach clenched in anxiety, too many words rolling around in his head with no coherency. 

Cas picked up his fork and Dean figured the best way to start was with the truth. 

“Don’t go,” he blurted out.

Cas paused, fork poised midair. “What?”

Dean’s face flushed, but it was either speak now or regret it forever. “I know I said you should leave with Zara, but I didn’t mean it.”

Cas slowly lowered his fork, and it seemed speaking a few words broke down a wall in Dean’s mind because the rest came flooding out.

“I know I can be a real dick,” he said, “and I know I don’t know anything about gardening or agriculture, and I know I’ve been acting weird lately, but it’s because I really don’t want Zara to take you away from us. And maybe that’s selfish on my end—no, I know it is. But she doesn’t know you, really know you! And I do. I’ve known you forever and you’re my best friend and also maybe I wish we were more.” His face heated further, and he quickly added, “It’s alright if you don’t want more, that’s fine, just forget this conversation, but the main point is that I don’t want you to leave. I mean that. Please stay.”

Cas’ gaze had turned serious during Dean’s rambling, and Dean stopped there, heart pounding, mouth dry. He hadn’t expected to say all that, but he realized he meant what he’d said. Had meant all of it for a long time now, even if he’d been pretending not to. And maybe it was too late to tell Cas now. But he’d finally said it.

“Dean,” Cas said, and Dean braced himself for the I’m sorry, but... The, you suck and I’m leaving with Zara. Or even, you want more? That’s absurd. Why the hell would we ever be more than friends?

But what Cas said, instead, was, “I thought you wanted me to leave.”

Dean stared at him. And, yeah, he guessed he had told Cas to leave. But Cas should know by now that he was an idiot who usually said the wrong things. “I didn’t mean it,” he said. “I’ll go crazy if you leave, honest. I can’t…” He thought about how empty the bunker felt when Cas left for even a day, thought about how much it killed him to see Cas with Zara, and said, almost desperately, “I can’t do that. You leaving.”

Cas’ gaze had softened and his voice was quiet when he asked, “What do you mean by more?”

Dean’s heartbeat kicked up and he stared at his plate. Fuck. What did he mean? “I don’t know. Well, maybe I do. I just…” He took a deep breath and met Cas’ eyes. “I just want to be with you. Romantically, or whatever. More than just being friends.” He held Cas’ gaze even though his heart was pounding and a tiny voice in his brain screamed, abort mission, because it felt like such a relief to get the words out, albeit awkward and stilted.

Cas studied him and Dean’s pulse hammered in his chest as he waited for inevitable rejection. Instinct told him to backtrack, but now that he’d voiced everything, it seemed like torture to have to carry it all inside him again. He didn’t know how he’d done it for years. 

Then Cas spoke. “I want more too,” he said, like it was the easiest thing to say in the world. 

Dean stared at him. “You do?” he managed, and Cas nodded. 

“I was never going to leave, Dean. This,” he gestured around them. “This is my home. Here with you. I want to be with you too.”

“Oh,” Dean breathed. Cas never was going to leave. He started to feel a little ridiculous for his panicked pie baking, but a smile tugged at the corner of Cas’ mouth and Dean started smiling too. Cas wanted more.

“Can I… Can I kiss you?” he asked and Cas nodded. He started pushing his chair back, then Dean was standing and meeting him by his chair. 

Raising his hand, he touched Cas’ cheek. He was feeling a little dizzy from the remarkable change of events in so short a time, but the look in Cas’ eyes anchored him. This is what he wanted, had been wanting. 

Cas’ eyes fell shut when he leaned down to kiss him, and Dean smiled a little before pressing his lips to Cas’, finally.

His brain short circuited a little when Cas kissed him back, and it was a second before he could process the way Cas was pressing up close to him, hands gripping at his shirt. Slipping his arms around Cas’ waist, he pulled him flush, chest to chest. Cas made a small noise in the back of his throat and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck. Dean’s head spun.

They kissed until Dean couldn’t catch his breath, until he felt weak at the knees. He let out a breathless laugh when they broke apart, and Cas smiled at him.

“I’ve wanted more for a long time,” he said. “I didn’t think you did too.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean kissed him again, pausing to say, “I guess I just never admitted it to myself.”

“And you realized this while making pie?” Cas asked, gesturing to the dish on the table. 

“Yeah,” Dean admitted, a little sheepishly. “But better late than never, right?”

“Right,” Cas said with a smile and kissed him.

Dean kissed him back, then took his hand, tugged him to the hallway. Cas followed easily, smiling, and Dean couldn’t resist kissing him again along the way. 

They eventually made it to Dean’s bedroom, but Cas paused when Dean grabbed the doorknob. “Hold on.”

Letting go of Dean’s hand, he went to the room where Zara was staying and knocked on her door. 

After a few moments, she opened it in a silk nightgown. “Why, hello, Castiel,” she said smiling. “What a surprise.”

“I need you to annul our engagement,” Cas said and Zara’s smile froze. Dean bit back a grin. “Now,” Cas added.

“I—Um. I thought we would discuss this further at a later time. Perhaps allow you more time to decide—”

“I’ve decided.” Cas motioned to Dean, and Zara leaned out to see him standing there. Dean waved. “My home is here.”

Zara blinked at them and Dean stepped forward. “What he means is,” he snaked his hand around Cas’ waist, “he’s taken.”

Cas grinned at him and Zara looked mildly stricken, staring back and forth between them. Then resignation spread over her features and she smiled a little. “I see.” Waving her hand, she said, “Well, then. Consider yourself free of our engagement.” 

“Thank you,” Cas said. 

“Of course. It’s the least I can do to repay your hospitality. And I won’t stand in the way of true love.” She started to shut her door, then paused, looking at Dean, “And since I seem to be single once again, please tell your brother he is welcome to visit my kingdom anytime.” With a wink, she shut her door, and Dean stared at it for a moment.

“I don’t wanna unpack all that.” He looked at Cas and smiled a little. “You sure you don’t wanna marry her?”

Cas rolled his eyes. “I’m sure.” And, as if to prove his point, he kissed Dean again. Then he pulled back to meet Dean's eyes. "You haven't been jealous all this time, have you?" 

"No," Dean said. Cas' eyes narrowed and Dean admitted, "Maybe a little." Okay, maybe a lot.

Tag List:

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[espejonight28738]

So after a good night sleep here are my takes on what we can take from the ending of TFW:

DEAN:

Good things don't happen and even when they won against the ultimate villian, his destiny was to die young in a hunt gone wrong. "There'll be peace when you are done" really meant he'll be happy when he dies.

Family ends with blood, it also starts with it.

Let me elaborate last point: He spent years building a family with others, just so he 1)spent the next 40 years alone in heaven waiting for Sam like it's some kind of penance for dying without him??? Instead of going to look for Kevin or Charlie or Ellen or Jo or Pamela or fucking Castiel (you know, his bestfriend of more than a decade that died a few days ago and confessed he loved you???) or anyone who is waiting for him. And also 2) in earth literally just Sam was there in his funeral. He obviously didn't told anyone bc Donna clearly didn't know, so I guess that meant Sam was the only one who cared for him and it wasn't important to mention all the lives Dean touched also grieving for him.

Also this really said "Dean's life only exist in regards of his brother and can't have a life of his own" so I guess John was right all along.

SAM:

After years hating the hunting life you find true contentment in saving lifes and using the legacy you have to help people, so it's only logical that instead of sharing it you just yeet yourself out completely and go for a picket fence life that you stopped dreaming about years ago

Because what you now dreamed of is having a romantic partner that understood the life and the trauma and hey!!! You found her!!! And she's alive!!! Is she your wife at least? Idk the wife is just a plot device so he can have a son named Dean, she doesn't matter.

On that same note, what is the plan when you die? Did Dean just spent 40 years waiting for you without looking for anyone else so you could go, say hello, and then go your way to live in heaven with your wife??? Or are you staying with Dean and tell your wife to visit once in a while in the impala??? Like damn this is why Dean should also have, idk maybe HIS OWN FUCKING LIFE

Sorry for that it's not Sam's fault

CASTIEL

After your love for one human literally invented free will you died and no one mentioned it.

After DECADES without feeling like you belong and without anyone telling you how much you mean to them, you died without ONE character teeling you "I love you". Not you best friend/love of your life, not your son, not the guy you think of as a brother.

Guess you never really mattered to anyone

Sorry for that that's me hurting bc I always related to Cas and this was really depressing for me

But anyways here's what happened after your death with the 4 persons the show made more enphasis of your relationship with:

DEAN: Didn't think of looking for you in heaven. He only said his way of honoring your sacrifice was living and then died two days later

JACK: Yeah I guess he got you out of the Empty, he's a good boy. But god forbid we see a family reunion.

SAM: Uh... yeah I think he said something about wishing you were there or something. Pretty deep.

CLAIRE: Idk man they made a big deal of your relationship back in s10, got me hooked, and then never mentioned it again. Did someone even tell her Cas died??? Is she gonna find out when she eventually asks Sam if he knows why ain't Cas answering her texts??

I guess the only character that truly cared for him was Garth that named his son Cas. And we never saw them interact. Fuck this shit.

So yeah queer angels can't have nice things

"Good things do happen" you fuckin liar

[atlascas]

DEANCAS FIC REC

(last updated 7/1)

FINALLY. this is like. just a place for me to rec and write excessively abt the fics i've been reading lately. it won't be organized but it WILL be very earnest and i'll keep it updated as i find/remember more. also i have obnoxiously high standards when it comes to fic so these ARE the cream of the crop, if u will. the god tier. the s tier. 

very loosely organized into "newer fic" and "classics." these are subjective categories. do what you will

✨ = new fic on the list

💖 = in my brain rent free!

CURRENTLY READING

these are the fics that i’m currently reading! may or may not get recced. usually i read the first couple paragraphs/lines and if i like the writing it gets bookmarked and put on this list.

lazarus needs a robe of scarlet thread by herrosesneverfall, 90k, canonverse au. dean starts getting stigmata. when i was getting back into spn there were a LOT of religious fics flying around bc that was the Hot Topic of Discussion. this was one of them

Three weeks ago, Dean woke up in a pine box. He thought dealing with the nightmares was going to be the most difficult part of his new life after Hell, but at least they were something he could understand. Something he could deal with. Something he deserved.

Then he began having agonizing visions of crucifixion. Wounds appeared on his body out of nowhere. Wounds that refused to heal and coated his skin with the sickly sweet smell of roses.

Stigmata are said to be the marks of saints, but Dean is not a saint and the wounds are only the beginning.

kingdom come by ahurston, 8.7k, coda to 15x18. cas gets to go home. im gathering all the s15 fix-its to my heart and holding them close

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

hunger by ellispark, 10.8k, s13 au. dean grieves cas, post s12 finale. perfect writing perfect awful heartwrenching characterization so far on dean’s end especially towards jack. nuanced emotional writing

Dean takes his meal and throws it away, plate and all. He's not hungry. How can he even begin to eat, knowing what he kept from Cas — what he kept from both of them?

They could have had something, and now all Dean has is this gaping, empty hole in his stomach, in his chest, and he has to learn to breathe and eat and move around it.

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog, 60.8k, canonverse. cas loving dean in all permutations of humanity, throughout time.

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Of love? There isn’t one. Loving is its own purpose.”

NEWER FIC

“newer” just means “i discovered it in 2020/2021 after coming back to spn fandom” so it very well could have been published before 2015 but really who’s checking. not me that’s for sure.

💖 so says the sword by komodobits, 85k, s4 au. cas guards the michael sword in the beautiful room. this is easily the MOST obvious rec on this entire list but it was the first fic i read when i got back into spn this year and jesus christ it set the bar sky fucking high. the way they create a coherent mythology out of the mess that is spn canon is incredible.

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

assimilation by komodobits, 5.6k, coda to 12x01. mary meets dean and cas and they go to find sam. such good character studies of all three of them. the best mary pov fic i’ve read

Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

cuckoo and nest by komodobits, 10k, ambiguously canonverse. dean and cas navigate relationship anxiety. cute, in character, and their relationship is realistic and the conflict well-written and emotionally nuanced and really really really good. 

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

💖 one white lie by komodobits, 11k, au. cas panics when trying to ask dean out and has to fake being a jehovah’s witness. it’s adorable and hilarious and it’s been ages since i actually got butterflies at a kiss in a fic but this did it. it did it. it felt like someone swaddled my soul in a cashmere blanket and kissed me on the forehead

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (scaramouche), 11.5k, set during s6. cas comes to as his s4 self without any memories of the past two years and has to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s kind of like so says the sword. you’ll know it when you get to it.

Castiel is captured inside a trapping circle of holy oil set by Dean and Sam Winchester. The brothers call him "Cas", claiming that he has amnesia and that he is obligated to help them take down Crowley to atone for his betrayal of them. It's the strangest story Castiel's ever heard, and one he doesn't have time for because he's only just raised Dean from Hell and has work to get back to.

💖 cas and dean’s adventures in gardening by ahurston, 19k, post-canon au. a series featuring dean and cas living in the bunker, human. cas is very into plants. i read this yesterday actually and it made me smile SO much it’s just so lovely and sweet. i’m also a sucker for any fic where cas has a garden. he deserves a fucking garden okay

In this post-God world, everything is different. A little quieter, a little softer. Cas grows a garden, Dean cooks, and they take care of each other.

tall grass by aeli_kindara, 57k, post-s12. dean and cas live in the bunker on their own, and cas grows a garden. i did say i love fics where cas has a garden. plus domesticity, plus some good case fic, PLUS dean and cas’ relationship is so gentle and good

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.

Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.

Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

in a week by renrub, 2.3k, post 15x18. cas is in the empty. dean saves him. this is genuinely the best “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fic i’ve read so far like conceptually this entire thing just fucks. when cas is cycling through the barn scene. god. SO well written

Castiel is outside a barn covered in sigils. He frowns. This isn’t right. This has never been something he repented for.

i won’t even wish for snow by annie d (scaramouche), 5.6k, college au. cas goes to the winchesters’ for christmas. honestly scaramouche fics belong in the classics section bc she’s like an og deancas writer but whatever. mistletoe! banter! good in-character au! this fic’s got it all

It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

convenient husbands by annie d (scaramouche), 39k, canonverse au. cas is a phoenix, dean is a hunter. they get married and have a sick psychic bond. unexpectedly fluffy considering how the fic starts and i love the banter so much and dean/cas’ relationship gets fleshed out and organically developed it’s very cute

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

cinderwings by bendingsignpost, 181k, cinderella au. cas goes to a masquerade ball to save his people from an eternity trapped in a void. he meets prince dean. i can’t tell u how much this fic drew me in - thru good worldbuilding, but mostly thru cas’ social awkwardness. like it works PERFECTLY to his advantage in this fic and reading how expertly he manipulates social situations w/o any fucking idea what he’s doing is both hilarious and inspiring

Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.

as the crow flies by bendingsignpost, 3.4k, au. dean and cas go on a roadtrip. cas has wings! it’s so dreamlike and meandering and the slowburn is so good. honestly it reminds me of stevebucky/stevesam post tws era roadtrip fics if ur hip LMAO

Cross country road trips with Cas are the best.

long-term relationship by bendingsignpost, 2.7k, au. dean and cas have a Serious Conversation about their relationship.

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers, 7k, ambiguously canonverse. dean is trans. dean and cas are fucking and lowkey hiding it from sam. perfect character study PERFECT trans dean fic it’s so fucking well-written 

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

💖 the love story of the runner up by margo_kim, 4.7k, ambiguously canonverse. cas tries dating other men. bear with me here. this is an outside pov fic from an oc named miguel who is WONDERFULLY characterized and very endearing like i find outsider/oc pov to be on Thin Fucking Ice bc it always ends up as fandom/author self-insert but miguel is his OWN MAN. he gets his own lil arc and everything. dean and cas are concentrated perfectly crystallized versions of themselves and the little glimpses we get of them are amazing. ALSO i wrote like 9k of an spn vent fic (basically the same premise but w an oc named marcus) back in like. freshman yr of hs. so when i first opened this fic i was like what the fuck someone’s been in my google docs. very weird experience 10/10 regardless

“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”

“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.”

For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.

sunshine by northernsparrow, 8k, set during s13. dean and cas have a long conversation about their Profound Bond. the description left me off-balance (it really. really truly says “dean is straight in this fic” like okay bro WEIRD hill to die on) but it pulled through w the relationship study and reassurance and snuggles. a sweet fic

One-shot with a single conversation between Dean and Castiel, set in a late-S13-ish world. Gabriel, Cas, Sam & Dean are all living in the bunker together, Gabe's been cracking certain jokes, Sam's found a certain book, Cas is injured and isn’t healing... and it's all making Dean wonder if his angel friend might have some sort of a "bond" with... somebody? Whatever that means.

Maybe it's time for a talk.

💖 still life by catchclaw, 16.5k, post-s8. cas, newly human, goes to live on his own for a while. he and dean maintain a relationship thru the phone. this is LITERALLY the only first person fic i fucking respect okay like i was skeptical! i really was! but the pov is PERFECT and also my man kevin tran is in this fic and i love him and miss him very much. oh and cas going off to explore humanity on his own..............perfect arc. very much in character we love that for him

Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

it’s mostly cowardice, and bad timing by ferritin4, 1.6k, pre-canon. actually this one is just a dean study it’s not deancas but i spent an entire night looking for it and i need someone else to read it too. dean is smart!!! SAY THAT

Dean gets his GED.

a list of reasons the bunker shouldn’t get a sofa by lizbobjones, 5.6k, set during s12. sam and dean and mary and cas haul a sofa back to the bunker. cute domesticity and fluff

Let me count the ways that this is a terrible idea.

no kingdom to come by domesticadventures, 16.8k, canonverse. dean and cas deal with being stuck in quarantine in different ways. this is the one and only quarantine fic i’ve read and it’s really good lmao. dean and cas’ relationship is so organic and tentative in this one

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo, 8.4k, canonverse. it’s like dean’s being cursed to have bad hookups with men. SUCH a funny fic and the deancas tension is so simple and sweet and GOOD. plus cas is so enjoyably characterized here he’s so human and worn in and experienced in his own unique way. perfect use of rowena too

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

turn of the year by kototyph, 3.9k, canonverse au. sam and dean get stuck out in the middle of nowhere on the winter solstice. what i wouldn’t give for a full 80k of this verse actually. also i went on a kototyph binge after reading shut up put your money where your mouth is and they have a SOLID spn repertoire

Fifteen minutes later, Dean gets back in the car with empty hands and ice in his fucking eyebrows. “Get the map out,” he says through chattering teeth, sticking numb fingers under his arms.

Sam holds up the battered 1995 Rand MacNally they keep in the side pocket, turned to a page of uninterrupted green. “We’re going to die,” he announces.

💖 bullets in the gun by kototyph, 4.9k, canonverse au. cas is a cop (i know. still) who gets kidnapped by dean in an unfortunate turn of events. GOD this fic is SO FUNNY. cas’ canny and strategic escape attempts render him a very active VERY funny pov character plus the hate attraction to dean is PERFECTLY WRITTEN VERY BELIEVABLE. dean’s kindness also shines thru even as he literally holds cas hostage like!!!! PERFECT characterization. both of them are so LIKABLE here. if you read anything on this list read this

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

as you will by kototyph, 1.8k, victorian au. cas endures a proposal mishap. it’s cute it’s funny it’s sweet!

"No?" Castiel echoes, dumbly.

and if i was looking too? by kototyph, 2.6k, au. cas is undercover where dean works. this fic is just so cute like. bird angels.................

There are some things Castiel hasn't told Dean, and there are some things he doesn't need to.

the most important thing by northernsparrow, 94.5k, s10 au. amnesiac cas raising claire until he comes across someone familiar. claire is so well characterized here i really loved her arc thruout this fic. she just wants her dad back and u can’t even blame her the author rlly does an amazing job creating realistic and heartbreaking motivations for her. oh and dean and cas (esp cas characterization!) are sweet in this but honestly the highlight IS claire for me

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

there’s only one sure thing that i know by blinkiesays, 20.3k, post-s5. dean goes to help cas out in ohio and they end up building a home together. i love the writing it’s rlly funny and sweet.

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

💖 to an angel, love and worship are the same thing by geminisage, 10.3k, post s15 fix it. dean grieves cas - and then cas gets brought back back from the empty. i didn’t have this in my bookmarks so i MISSED it the first time around on this list but this was another one of the fics i came back to spn fandom to. it’s so fucking unique?? it actually reads like spn like i think fic tends to soften dean/cas up and makes them more emotional + emotionally intelligent than is ever shown in the show. here the dialogue/characterization adheres RIGOROUSLY to their communication in canon in that dean’s not overtly emotional, and cas is very reserved. they have to negotiate their relationship exactly like they would in the show. it’s all clipped conversation and anger and hurt and (warning btw) LOTS of internalized homophobia on dean’s end but it’s SO worth it. dean navigating his [GESTURES VAGUELY] everything is compellingly written, emotionally true, and PERFECTLY characterized. cas characterization also amazing like u rlly feel the quiet devoted bittersweet love. ok this was long clearly it’s a good fic go read it now

Just as Dean knew they would, the weeks do stretch into months, and then into a year. Grief never gets easier, Dean knows from experience, but you do get better at it. After all, you can get used to anything.

the violin house by teh_helenables, 8.5k, post-s5. dean and cas build a home after stull. so slow and lovely and sweet and gentle. i need to put this here so that i don’t forget it tbh. it’s very much dean as a war wife cas as the husband away on the front

The Apple Pie Life is a slow process, but Dean and Cas are getting there—until Cas is called for battle and Dean is forced to wait.

💖 muscle memory by komodobits, 18.9k, au. amnesiac cas wakes up three years in the future with dean in his kitchen. komodobits DOES NOT FUCKING MISS!!! i CRIED at the end of this i had NO INTENTION OF CRYING the rest of the fic isn’t even SAD i just had to sit there at the end of it w tears dribbling down my face. INSANE work of art

Dear Castiel,

Hello – it’s Castiel. This must all seem very confusing, and I’m sorry for that. Dean says to tell you that this isn’t some kind of ‘time-travel stunt’, although I’m sure that won’t be your first thought. I know it wasn’t mine. I’ve told Dean to leave now, as this is my notebook and I want everything in it to come from me – or rather, from you. I know you think it's the fifteenth of January, 2010, but it isn't. At the time of my writing this, the date is the fourth of October, 2013. Dean Winchester is your boyfriend of a year and a half, and you no longer work at the library, and in early 2010 you were hit by a car and hospitalised. I’m sorry.

a.k.a the 50 First Dates Dean/Cas AU where Castiel wakes up on a day just like any other, except that three years have passed without his knowing, and Dean Winchester is in the kitchen wanting to marry him.

don’t forget the experience points by annie d (scaramouche), 10.8k, au. cas is sam’s work friend, and he and dean get to know each other. genuinely an adorable fic. i adore cas’ characterization in this it’s snarky AND awkward AND confident in a way that i absolutely believe he would be if he had 30 yrs of human life under his belt

It's because Dean was an awesome brother than he took such an interest in Sam's new friend. No, really. What happened afterwards was mostly an accident.

actus fidei by manic_intent, 5.6k, canonverse au. dean’s a priest, cas is still his angel. i was HOOKED from the description alone like That’s Everything I Love in One Sentence. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the very first time that Castiel manifests in front of Father Dean Winchester, he gets as far as "Rejoice, for you are blessed-" before Dean shoots him with a salt-loaded shotgun.

not with a bang but a yelp by strange_estrangement, 1.4k, canonverse. team free will leave yelp reviews. this isn’t d/c actually it’s just a crack-ish fic but the formatting is cool and the references are SO funny and so well done

What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.

the courtship of combat by bendingsignpost, 18.2k, medieval a/b/o au. cas is politically coerced into fighting in a courtship melee for prince dean's hand, and he teams up with two unexpected allies to do it. I KNOW HOW THE ABO THING SOUNDS but i swear it's done well - it's by bendingsignpost so ofc he puts his own spin on the premise. im absurdly into it. PLUS jack is in it!!!!!!! it's technically an unfinished series but the first part is so good just on its own

When pressed upon to mate for a political alliance, Commander Castiel dares to refuse his king. As “I do not wish to mate at all” is clearly the wrong thing to say, Castiel takes the other path and lies. “You must know my affections lie elsewhere, my king.”

King Michael studies Castiel’s face long and hard. Then, with a nod, he snaps his fingers, pointing to Castiel. “The Winchester omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel says with no real recollection of who that is.

The ruse of an unavailable omega works well enough, right up until that omega is no longer unavailable. Then, with what seems to be his entire nation cheering him on toward victory, Castiel must enter the melee to win his mate. Backed by allies, training, and his own natural talents, the only question is how well he can contrive to fail.

four letter word for intercourse by bendingsignpost, 194.7k, au. dean calls a sex hotline. OH BOY solid characterization excellent plot/premise like bendingsignpost is so good at turning absurd premises into realistic, believable fiction. also sex hotline fic is usually a BIG turn-off bc of the power dynamics/one-sidedness of a relationship based on sex work but. BUT. bendingsignpost does it well! it’s not weird at ALL i started reading and was immediately reassured abt its intentions and its plot direction

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties.

What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right?

(It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon, 21.4k, post-canon. case fic! dean and cas have to kiss on a loveboat to solve a case >:)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."

Dean just stares at him.

when you have a future. by firebog, 17.6k, post-s8. dean and sam and cas learning to be human post-apocalypse. reminds me of robotmango’s writing! it’s kind of eccentric and very very sweet and funny.

Sam closes Hell. Castiel closes Heaven. The heroes save the day. There's no Heaven or Hell waiting to cause the next big disaster. There's no more end of the world. There's only a squirmy feeling in his chest that feels a lot like freedom. So, now what?

(Things I promise you in this fic: dog poetry, rabbits, and fluff)

six inch heels by alitneroon, 2.3k, canonverse. dean does drag! excellent fucking character study. prose is fantastic

Dean does drag on a whim, and ends up in way over his head.

sharing is caring by gateskeeper, 2.5k, canonverse. five times dean and cas shared something and one time they didn’t. look. sometimes u just need some saccharine tropey fluff. it’s VERY well written

Sam knows that Dean and Cas have shared a lot together, but ever since Cas became human permanently, it seems like they've been sharing a lot more. 

Or: five times Dean and Cas shared something special and one time Dean refused to.

💖 empty spaces by schmerzerling, 60k, au. dean has to take care of his dying father, and takes up running to cope. that’s just the beginning. HEAVY trigger warnings for ED (specifically anorexia) and suicidal thoughts. there is a happy ending, but dean has to fight to make it there. god. okay. this is a dark fic. it’s also one of the most well-characterized fics i’ve ever read. dean’s spiral is excruciatingly accurate and written with the kind of wry compassion that comes from either extensive research or extensive experience. it’s also completely immersed in dean’s perspective - dean’s relationship w his dad, dean’s relationship w food scarcity, etc. it’s incredible. it’s kinda scary. it’s deeply sad. cas is explicitly autistic and it’s ALSO incredibly accurate and loving, and makes cas so true to his canon self. ugh. and i burst into TEARS at some of the accompanying art, which is so sparse and lonely and beautiful. 100/10 experience one of the best fics i’ve read this year

Dean is fine. The way he sees it, things are simple. He had a house and a family and food in his stomach, and now he doesn't. And yeah, that's a downer, but he's not going to let that stop him from being fine, because he's in control of the situation. He definitely doesn't need anyone to save him. And it's not like the weird guy with the nice butt from down the road is the knight-in-shining-armor type, anyway.

broken road by thegeminisage, 109.6k, 14x13 au. dean makes a wish and gets more than he bargained for. a lot of “john comes back” fics are kinda short on nuance, which this author has talked about a lot - and oh MAN does this fic deliver on nuance. john’s abuse is absolutely present, but his pov makes him a complex character instead of a flat caricature for dean to reject. and the way this fic resolves really makes it clear that the priority is dean’s emotional well-being over all else!!! this isn’t about dean taking the path fandom thinks he should take w his abuser (killing john, punching john in the face, etc), this is abt dean coming to terms w his abuse and finding his own emotionally satisfying way of resolving it. also dean and cas are in an established relationship and it’s very slow and sweet.

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end. 

home is not a place by imogenbynight, 6.8k, post-s11. human cas struggles with belonging, and dean struggles with their relationship. this reads a lot like komodobits’ cuckoo and nest, but it’s its own sweet little thing. they watch movies!!! very cute 

In which Dean is the oblivious one for a change.

love: a retrospective by xylodemon, 40.7k, post-s12. dean tries to deal w cas’ absence after s12 and reflects on their relationship thru the years. this was written before s13 aired, so - no spoilers - but jack plays a different role than he ends up playing in canon. it’s kinda fun seeing ppl’s theories pre-s13 tbh. makes me VERY glad that they took jack in the direction they did in show. anyway this is THEE definitive “they’ve been fucking all along” fic

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

✨💖 if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee, 37k, post-s15 fix-it. cas gets broken out of the empty - and he immediately makes a break for it. new fave fix-it!!!! the writing is so understated and so straightforward - SO in character for cas tbh - that every single emotional beat feels like a PUNCH. and there are so many amazing character moments it made my chest seize the fuck up!!!!! perfect characterization perfect relationship moments perfect cas/jack parenting moments. the yearning over the phone is OFF THE CHARTS and spocklee makes the most of that tension!!!! PLUS old canon characters get to make fun appearances!!!!! i cannot recommend this shit enough

After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.

✨ before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10.5k, post-canon. dean and sam and cas tackle a monster of the week case with unexpected consequences. perfect pov perfect relationship moments SUCH GOOD TENSION. again this writing style just lets the tension dial up to 1000% every word is meaningful and it makes my chest hurt!!! spocklee SHOULD have blown up during the spn renaissance and i STAND by that

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

CLASSICS

isn't it cool how every person has diff fics they consider "classics?" anyway these are required fucking reading. if u've been around these will prob be old news.

💖 asunder by rageprufrock, 23k, au. dean and cas go to sam's wedding. i reread this once a year like a religious ritual.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

💖 the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock, 15k, set during s5. dean teaches cas how to be human. mostly the sex part. literally the gold fucking standard of s4-5 era deancas fic and for deancas fic in general, personally

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed, 4.5k, au. dean tries to sign up for an ok cupid profile and has a revelation. as soon as i put this entry down i realized this entire fic rec was an exercise in futility, because if i could i'd literally just rec everything orange_crushed/robotmango has ever written. still one of THEE best authors in this fandom. go read all her fics. i’ll put the highlights here

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements."

"You hang out in your basement."

"I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

💖 pwp: pie without plot by orange_crushed and majorenglishesquire, 82k, post-s8. sam and dean and cas quit hunting for a little bit to open a bakery. this is my comfort fic. i love it so so much.

he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything

💖 la cucina by orange_crushed, 4k, post-s8. dean gets into cooking for a newly human cas. it's so gentle and loving and kind and makes me tear up every time. YES food is a comfort item and expression of love for dean. no i don't want to talk about it

Dean turns around and Castiel is picking through the jars, turning them over carefully to read the labels, totally engrossed. Dean watches him.

"Is there," Dean says, "uh, anything in there you like?" Castiel looks up at him and then back at the apples, sitting in a basket on the counter in their golden skins, ripe and pretty. Castiel smiles up at Dean.

"I don’t know yet," he says.

today, your barista verse by orange_crushed, 13.6k, coffeeshop au. a series of short sweet lovely fics where cas is a barista and dean is a smitten customer. literally the only coffeeshop au i respect

"Is that-"

"My number," says Dean, because he's a fucking champion, he's cool, he's collected, he's Captain Smooth of the USS Smoothtania, that's right. He is definitely not leaning against the counter for moral support. Cas doesn't looked seduced or impressed, though. He does not look like a dude who just met Captain Smooth and wants to ride the loveboat. He looks puzzled.

fata morgana. by orange_crushed, 6.6k, post-s9. dean is the king of hell. bela and cas team up to find him. bela pov. yeah you fucking heard that right BELA POV. BELA AND CAS!!!!!!!!!! makes me lose my mind i love everyone in this stupid desolate fucking hell wasteland.

The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell.

"Oh," says Bela.

That changes certain things.

💖 gran fury. by orange_crushed, 5k, pacific rim au. sam and cas pair up in a last ditch mission to save the world. permanently damaged me at age 15 and i've never recovered. major fucking angst warning.

They sit in silence and Castiel passes him the bottle. There’s not much left to say. Sam takes a gulp and it burns going down, like the cheap shit it is. He holds the bottle up against the light. He can see the Fury through it, distorted like a funhouse mirror. She’s a tomb but Sam loves her. Loves everything that’s left.

"To the end of the world," he says.

"To the end of the world," says Castiel.

💖 shut up (put your money where your mouth is) by kototyph, 24k, au. dean and cas get drunk married in vegas. dean renovates cas' house. this fic is SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered/expected and the entire series is fucking adorable go read it RIGHT now

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

not part of the plan by annie d (scaramouche), 338k, arranged marriage au. cas is slated to marry a noble from the winchester house. things spiral out of control. if you’re looking for an extensive well-developed political au, this is fucking it. i love reading about political machinations so this was FASCINATING to me. 

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

💖 all things shining by askance and standbyme, 142k, au. sam and dean and cas go on a hunt that's not really a hunt, and against all odds good things happen. it's beautifully written and has scenes that literally make my heart leap out of my chest with joy and awe it's just WONDERFUL it's a wonderful fic. incredible mythology too omg i found that the authors actually created the myth the entire story is based on - like they don’t pull a random one from history, they made one up THEMSELVES. they even self-published it on amazon if ur curious

Something in the world is waking up.

It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago.

Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

💖 broadway musical by griftings, 12.4k, crack. romcom where cas is supposed to play matchmaker to dean and jo and well. you know. it actually made me cackle out loud when i read it again so you know it's still good. absolutely one of the funniest fics i’ve read

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

the five people you meet in heaven by chevrolangels, 22k, ambiguously canonverse. dean dies and goes to heaven and meets five people from his life. NOT a post-finale fic but still horrifically sad. i remember sobbing hysterically when i first read this so

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

any port in a storm by microcomets, 53k, post-s8. dean and cas go on a haunted cruise for a case. you know what happens next. also the art is by anobviousaside and it's gorgeous

The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)

a turn of the earth by microcomets, 95k, pre-canon au. cas is on the run from the empty and crash lands in dean's life. at one point he punches john in the face. a fucking beautifully written character study of pre-canon dean, honestly.

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

unfinished duet by microcomets, 5.8k, canonverse. sam observes dean and cas throughout the years. i remember this breaking my heart back in 2013!

Sam watches Dean and Cas over the years and notices a few things. (Or, Dean and Cas unscripted.)

💖 ergative/absolutive by glassedplanets, 8k, college au. dean and cas are best friends who meet in an astronomy class. i'm never not thinking about this fic it's so sweet and the friends to lovers is so soft and believable

He really shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this about his best friend who literally just broke up with his girlfriend, but he knows he’ll blame it on sleepiness in the morning. He always does.

a certain light by flightagain, 24k, au. cas works at the gas n sip. dean is a customer. this author’s writing style is so lonely and heavy but it’s very lovely

Castiel works at the Gas-n-Sip. There are half-price nachos and flickering lights, there are office-workers and werewolves stopping by for snacks. Dean is a frequent customer, and his office might be haunted.

the one thing you can’t lose by majorenglishesquire, 5k, ambiguously canonverse. dean can pull cas around and it’s adorable. character study-ish. very sweet.

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

brother lover by twentysomething, 4k, set during s4/s5. dean’s jealous of sam and cas’ budding relationship. this fic is so tropey but it does it well and it’s funny as fuck

However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first.’

his fucking kids by 8sword, 3k, canonverse au. dean and cas raise claire and emma together. yes, claire novak. yes, emma of 7x13 spice girls fame. this was the first kidfic i read for spn i think. obvs written before jack or claire actually came back into the picture but it was the TEMPLATE of kidfic for me for ages

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

💖 what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie d (scaramouche), 16k, post s8. dean gets turned into an octopus. another fic that was SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered i fucking love when that happens. it isn’t even about dean being an OCTOPUS like NO. NOT EVEN. it’s ACTUALLY about the bunker and building a home and a community and a family and about PHYSICAL COMFORT and you can actually feel the world expanding at the end of this fic like a gusty sigh of relief it’s SO WONDERFUL. kevin is in this fic. ellie is too and i had to look her up but THIS is her!!!! danay garcia u were too hot to stay on this show but i love you and miss u

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

💖 a beginner’s guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, canonverse au. dean is a cop who summons a powerful entity to help him solve a cold case. oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t put this on here i love this one so much. the writing bowls me over it’s so confident in its worldbuilding like you’re IMMEDIATELY plunged into dean’s pov (FLAWLESSLY executed throughout the fic btw) and you just learn about the world as you go!! and it’s such a fascinating world!!! i love the magic i love the typical bureaucratic red tape procedures i love normalizing the supernatural. i ESPECIALLY love monsters as normal people in a society. at one point there’s this exchange

“Monsters,” says Cas finally. “Beyond the Wall there are monsters.” “You mean, like, vampires and djinn and stuff?” Cas shakes his head. “Those aren’t monsters, those are just people.”

those lines have stayed with me for years. i think about them every time i rewatch an episode of spn.

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

dean’s list by almaasi, 3k, canonverse. dean makes a list. short and sweet. i read this so much in 2015 that it literally got engraved into my brain line by line and rereading it caused synapses to fire that havent felt anything in years

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

💖 the path of fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, post-s8. dean and cas open a charming bed and breakfast in vermont. no, literally. another CLASSIC. i think about the food in this fic all the time...........maple bacon baked french toast......the cinnamon rolls.....it literally sounds so good

After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

long nights in cold months by pyrebi, 2.3k, au. dean’s an insomniac and cas works at walmart. i forgot i had this fic ALSO basically memorized. holy shit. pineapple in the fruit aisle.....................anyway it’s short and sweet and the “plot” resolves in such a satisfying way

When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

incredibly single & ready to mingle by imogenbynight, 3.6k, au. dean and cas meet on facebook. short cute au!!!!!!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

💖 unknown quantities by xylodemon, 8.5k, post-s8. after a post-case tryst, dean has to figure out his and cas’ relationship. human cas fics hold a special place in my heart. funny AND good dean pov AND a misunderstanding that i actually think works!!!!!

No one ever tells Dean anything.

(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

[mzannthropy]

Rebecca (2020)

I really couldn’t be bothered typing it all out, luckily I was tweeting about it excessively while watching so I’ll just use those tweets to write my review. 

Yes, it was a very nice looking movie, but that’s just not enough. Re the mustard suit... 

We’ve already heard enough about the mustard suit.

They start with the famous first line (duh, of course) and I also like that they kept in the line about bottling a memory like a scent. BUT---

The heroine and Maxim are NOT supposed to be physically intimate before their marriage. Hell, they’re not even physically intimate after they marry!

I don’t know what I make of her driving the car, I think it’s out of character. And in the book, he let her have the book of poetry. 

Nice car and how gorgeous is Monaco? 

Ann Dowd killed it as Mrs Van Hopper. Must be a fun character to play for an experienced actress like her!

So, the proposal, I’m probably an unpopular opinion about this, but I have always liked it, from the first time I read Rebecca--and I’m a Maxim hater. I love how casually he drops it, while eating breakfast (breakfast is one of my favourite things, ok?). I have always loathed big, dramatic proposals, the going-down-on-one-knee-with-ring things, I find them cringey and they make me feel like I want to run away. Ok maybe he didn’t have to call her a little fool, but I like it. Maxim grabbing her shoulders while saying that line was just...meh. (Also, since they had already kissed and more, why would she think he wants her to come to Manderley to be his secretary??) 

Manderley. There should have been a long, winding drive to the house but ok. Kristin Scott Thomas, a highlight of the movie. 

This is where it starts to go really wrong. The point was that Maxim DID NOT show, or let Mrs Danvers or any other servant show, the house to his new wife. She gets lost in it later! The family history is irrelevant. 

This is what I tweeted:  “Why is he sleepwalking? Jesus. Do you even know the story you're adapting?”

I liked Beatrice, Giles and Granny. Giles makes a good comic relief. I also liked Frank Crawley, now I realise I never mentioned him in my tweets but he’s like my favourite character and a million times better man than Maxim. Not sure this movie really captured the nice friendship he has with Mrs de Winter 2. 

Good to see Dolorous Edd again, not seen him since Game of Thrones! I liked the actor that played Robert too, even though he hardly had any lines, I thought he was a good fit.

So, Sam Riley as Jack Favell. Before watching, I hoped he, too, would be one of the highlights, as this is a good role for an actor to sink his teeth into, such a deliciously slimy character! I loved his performance--but that horse riding scene... not right. And then Maxim getting jealous over him?? Did these people read the book?

In the book the dress for the fancy dress ball was white, here they changed it to red but it doesn’t matter bc red is associated with Rebecca anyway. Speaking of which, they could have at least put those red rhododendrons in, they’ve got nice scenery and sets, why not flowers too?

These are my following tweets and I honestly don’t remember what they refer to, but at this stage it doesn’t matter:

This is now a different story.

I'm pretty sure there shouldn't be that many storms. (Ok, this one clearly refers to storms and yes, remember how in the book it was very hot and stuffy and the air was heavy and they *wanted* a storm, but it didn’t come until the evening after the inquest.)

Eh not sure that Armie is pulling this off... Sorry.

That's.... Not how it happened...

Gosh this is so flat.

THIS IS ALL WRONG!

This is not how it happened. This is not how it's supposed to go.

"Why shouldn't a woman amuse herself." Finally a good line.

It was good to see Maxim in a jail cell, where he belongs. He got out the next day, but I’ll take what I can. 

They confirm the Rebecca/Danvers relationship but then have Danny kill herself. Ok. And the ending...

Ok, the ending. It was really a beautiful scene. Lily in front of a mirror, smoking, then Armie and her get intimate. Absolutely gorgeous. BUT--that’s not the de Winters. That’s a scene from a different movie. It made them look like a couple that travels the world doing crimes, like Bonnie and Clyde or someone, but that’s not what de Winters are. They live a boring existence somewhere in southern Europe (I think) in hotels and read papers. Like, you might call them criminals, after all Maxim is a murderer and he made her an accessory, but not in Bonnie and Clyde way. Wrong.

What I especially hated was that they brought up all that stuff about Rebecca in court. The book has so much tension, this is where it turns into proper thriller. The point was that it never gets out. (If it was true at all, we only have Maxim’s word for it.) Well, the point is that this movie completely misses the point, so what can I say.

So much melodrama. And it had it potential.

[childactress-a]

i don’t believe in earnestly writing an “everybody lives” au bc the whole essence of mara is that everything was taken from her (well, some things! a lot of others she fucked up for herself) but if arthur and donna were alive still in 2020 or so, here’s how things would go down:

arthur and donna still act. they don’t do as many films together - billing the banks couple as co-leads was more of a novelty in the ‘80s and ‘90s, more of a hook, and the newness of it has worn off by now - but they remain a healthy and supportive couple. every few years there are divorce rumors, most often based off an out-of-context photo of donna upset or yet another recurrence of the gay rumors that’ve always swarmed around arthur; they’re just rumors, always. (if we’re talking long-term, arthur and donna never divorce. they’re happily married for life. i refuse to say which of them dies first because i refuse to think about it!)

arthur and donna aren’t top billers anymore; their peak is long gone. they are still super famous, though. not every college student knows who they are but most of america is at least familiar with their names. arthur still prefers to act in crime dramas and thrillers; donna returns to her roots and has a few important roles in some movie musicals. they guest star on tv every now and then, but their hearts will always belong to the movies.

arthur and donna also participate in lgbt-related advocacy and causes, encouraged by what they perceive to be as a more progressive industry. they’re not the hugest activists out there, but they do donate to charities and speak at los angeles’s pride events. donna causes a tiny stir one year when she mentions that “my husband and i have always felt part of the community.” was she referring to the fact that they’re big in gay communities like lots of other older actors or the fact that they’re closeted bisexuals? (it’s the first. but they are indeed bisexuals!)

without a baby sister to keep out of trouble, natasha’s got a lot more free time on her hands; she uses it to attend college for 6 years. she majors in psychology and struggles with finding a job she’s passionate about. eventually she works for the human resources department of a major film studio. 

nat also never marries sam ridley; instead she marries a woman and together they adopt a son. 

mara is mara, spare of some trauma! the deaths of her parents may have been the inciting incident to really get mara fucked up in canon, but she’s always had mental illnesses and just a flair for mischief, all of this still under the pressure of being a child actress and the toxicity and abuse of hollywood at large.

mara still acts! she never really falls off like she did in canon. she struggles professionally as she grows into a teenager, acting out here and there. she’s arrested for possession of cocaine when she’s 20, which derails her a little. there are rumors she’s forced into rehab, but those aren’t true. instead, following her arrest, she maintains a regular amount of drug usage and tries to be a little more careful and responsible about it. 

as influencer culture begins to rise, mara participates some. she’s not an influencer influencer out here selling tummy tea but she does what she can to maximize financial gain through instagram. well, her manager does, and mara gets an email asking to plug some sparkling water. as you can imagine, she does enjoy being paid to take a selfie and tell her fans what to do.

mara’s still seen as the stunted, dramatic child actress because... she sort of is! like her mother, mara says the wrong thing very often, and she has a reputation for being a party animal, seductress, and all around disaster. she is still manipulative, self-centered, and needy, but not as much as in canon. she’s not nearly as trashed or hated as canon and she’s still got some stans but she’s still a lil bit of a mess. a manageable mess, though, because she has her support system still.

jack is not around at all. being a little more stable, mara never has the urge to go out to that bar that fateful night. mara never lost a manager for good, and even if jack had tried to go for it, arthur and donna would never let him manage their daughter when she’s 16 and he’s 26, inexperienced, and just presently sucking at life. jack’s fucked off and gotten married again and found a desk job, still in los angeles.

[freeshavacado]

My thoughts while reading Gone by Michael Grant:

* wait how old is Sam

* He do be liking Astrid doe

* Damn so Sam is a Leader

* Ew Orc is an 8th grader? 🤮

* Ok I googled it Sam is 14

* I like Quinn

* Sam thinks he’s so awkward but he’s actually really chill so far

* THE PAIN THIS GIRL IS GOING THROUGH OH MY GOD

* Poor Mary :(

* Howard’s a bitch

* Cut to Quinn being a racist motherfucker

* I love Edilio

* Sam is WHIPPED for Astrid

* Orc is such a piece of shiiiiiit

* LANAAAAA :(((

* Poor thing is in so much pain

* Patrick her dog is alive so that’s good

* She’s deadass slowly dying

* Thank god her arm is better

* I want to make this into a TV series

* If Sam and Astrid don’t kiss at some point I swear

* Hahahaha Sam do be shirtless rn

* Why isn’t Astrid happy to see Little Pete???

* MARY. IF YOU POUR HOT ASS COFFEE ON A CHILD, DONT JUST STAND THERE AND THEN RUN AWAY. PUT COLD WATER ON THE BURN

* Aw Mary has had bulimia since she was ten :(

* Ok so what she just took her Prozac and then threw up? Wouldn’t the pill go up too? I think your stomach/body needs like 30 minutes to absorb it into the blood stream...

* HELP SAM HES CHOKING

* Bruh my ass would be so exhausted

* Quinn low key an ass tho

* Lol edilio isn’t standing for this bullshit

* Lmaooo Astrid knew 💀

* Omg little Pete has it too

* Wow Quinn is an asshole pt 2

* I feel like Caine is gonna be a villain...like he’s pretty AND nice? Nah bro too good to be true

* Fucking Orc god 😒😒😒

* Caine is up to some shit 🤨

* Lmao hold up

* Diana probably whipped tho

* Sam please only be a simp for Astrid 😩

* I bet Drake is hot

* Aww computer Jack :) DONT YOU TURN ON ME SON

* “The captain is already maintaining” Bullshit 💀

* Are they really gonna call this eighth grader ‘Captain’?

* LMAOOO THE BASTARD CANT EVEN READ OR WRITE 💀💀💀

* Lol making Sam the fire chief because he was brave enough to go into a fire one time, so therefore he is the most qualified

* Bruh that’s like if I gave a kid the Heimlich maneuver bc he was choking on a gummy worm or some shit and they were like “Well because she did that, she should be the head doctor!!!”

* CAINE IS FULL OF SUCH BULLSHIT OML

* PRETENDING TO CRY N SHIT GOD

* I already know that Diana is gonna try and seduce Sam while she’s actually a spy for the private school kids

* Which, btw, of course it’s the private school kids smh

* I feel like maybe Computer Jack will be someone who eventually switches to the Good Side

* ALSO wow jack really be thinking that he’s smarter than Astrid smh 🙄

* Jack is such a smartsass

* Diana is such a fucking bitch oh my god 😒😒😒

* “You don’t look tough, Astrid” STFU SHES THE TOUGHEST OF THEM ALL

* Ok but I bet Diana and Astrid low key have sexual tension. Like obviously nothing’s gonna happen...but still

* Bruh I hate Caine

* Fuckin Diana with her ‘readings’ bullshit smh

* YESSSS LANA 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 so strong

* Literally how do they not know how to make pasta

* “I thought your people ate tortillas,” QUINN YOU RACIST PEICE OF SHIT UGH

* Poor Bette :(

* Orc is a piece of shit, I know we’ve already established this but I wanted to say it again

* I love Edilio so much

* Orc really using a slur against Edilio huh. Imma kill him

* IM SO DONE WITH QUINN. THIS BITCH REALLY JUST SAID “let him have her” LIKE TF????

* Drake is such a bastard oh my god

* If you hate Quinn and you know it clap your hands 👏🏻👏🏻

* No seriously. I fucking hate him.

* Nooooo Bette died :((

* “I can’t kiss you with your little brother watching” AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

* Did they kiss or not wtf

* What the hell is up with this cat

* Ah so they did kiss!!

* Why didn’t I get details 🤨

* No a baby died 😞

* Quinn s u c k s

* How convenient that Sam got there *right* before Emma disappeared

* Those last 6 minutes before Anna disappeared too and was calling out to her sister, and so for what she thought was her last few minutes on earth she held sams hand :(

* Lol Diana sucks

* ‘WoRDs DONT sCArE mE’ shut up Drake

* Okay Computer Jack is definitely going to betray them because they underestimate him and take him for granted

* You’re telling me Caine and Sam could be TWINS???

* Why was the kiss ‘a mistake’ ?

* Okay NOW they’re awkward

* “But it was the first time I meant it” I CANT. ITS SO CHEESY

* I HATE QUINN

* These kids are crazy violent

* Fuck Diana

* Yikes now Sam only has some of his eyebrows left 😬

* Caine is in love with Diana 👀

* Little Pete might be more powerful than Caine 😛

* THESE KIDS ARE CRAZY LIKE CHILL

* Diana: I really dislike you Astrid: of course you dislike me, I make you feel inferior

* ROASTED ^

* Mmmm Quinn is trying to redeem himself

* “Don’t call me brah. I’m not your brother” OHHHHHHHHHHH HE REALLY WENT THERE

* that’s what you get for being a backstabbing asshole

* Poor Astrid :(

* Poor Little Pete :(

* Bro I need this to be a movie

* I love that Sam just punched Quinn like we had no choice but to stan

* Ok drake would definitely shoot up a school

* Fuck Drake

* Lana is so strong. Like she’s been in so much pain physically and mentally, and she almost died. But she saved herself and now even though she thinks she might be the only person left alive on earth, she is still keeping strong.

* What happens if the boat runs out of gas?

* Bruh these coyotes don’t give up

* THE COYOTES AGAIN??

* “Go out” “You’ll kill me,” “Yes. Go out, die fast. Stay, die slow”

* Wowwwwwwwwwww^

* Lmaooo “L.P.”

* Awwww Sam: “...she was still so beautiful that sometimes he had to look away.”

* Okay he a lil’ horny

* Awe Astrid and Sam hugging I’m soft 🥺

* I’m so sick of these damn coyotes

* Bruh these coyotes 😒

* Diana is annoying

* Literally can’t remember who Andrew is, but they’re about to film his passing away like wtf

* Poor Andrew :(

* “You’re a deep sleeper, Jack. Just now, while you were sleeping? I held your pudgy little hand. Probably as close as you’ll ever get to holding hands with a girl. Assuming you even like girls.” FUCK YOU DIANA

* Okay so Diana will protect Jack as long as he ‘belongs’ to her and does what ever she wants? That’s pretty sus

* Sam and Astrid kissed again 😖☺️

* Lmaooo Albert over here running McDonald’s

* Salads disappeared quickly from the McDonald’s menu since this whole thing? Who the hell orders a salad from McDonald’s?

* So Albert kinda whipped for Mary 👀

* I haaaaatttteeee the private school kids

* Y’know what depending on where I was and who I was with in this situation, I might’ve just killed myself

* “Remember who owns you” ew 🤨

* Diana. I hate you

* Bro I feel bad for Andrew

* How is Lana back at the cabin?

* That IS Lana right??

* Okay things are moving fast between Sam and Astrid. Like she’s already saying “I just want you here with me. Safe” like 🤢

* Lana, about Sam: your boyfriend? Astrid: ThAts nOt WhAt iTs AbouT

* LMAOO AFTER SHE SAID THAT SHE SAID IN A LOW VOICE “kind of” WHAT

* Lol Lana be out here like “yeah shits crazy. Get with the program”

* Ew they’re eating pudding with their hands 🤮

* I don’t care how hungry you are, that’s gross

* Like get a spoon or something

* Lana just called Astrid “smart girl Barbie” 🤨

* Part of me is like “lol” but the other part of me is like “bruh stop Astrid did nothing wrong”

* I still hate Quinn but he is kind of funny

* Lana calling Astrid “the blonde” like girl 😑

* Bruh you’re stuck in a house that is literally on fire and getting hotter by the second as it fills with smoke, now is not the time to be kissing Astrid

* Finally the damn coyotes are gone.

* Sam is so angry and he’s disgusted with himself for being so angry, I relate

* Fuck you, Quinn

* Fuck drake

* I would gladly kill Drake

* OOOOOOOOO EDILIO LIKES LANA AHHHHHH

* SIMP

* omg I love it 😩

* Lmaooooo Sams speech wow

* Sam you should NOT forgive Quinn. Especially not that fast. Yikes.

* Orc should feel bad for killing Bette. I have no pity for him rn

* Yes please kill drake.

* I am so happy that his arm is on fire. 100% he deserves to feel that pain

* Aww that’s kinda nice that Albert is planning thanksgiving dinner for everyone

* DAMMIT DRAKE

* I hate drake so much like dude just shut up and leave everyone alone

* Orc oh my god I could not be rolling my eyes harder right now

* Tbh if Orc and his other friends die, I’m okay with that

* What tf is up with this DVD

* Little Pete caused all of this??? 😦

* I’m sooooo sick of this whole darkness and coyote stuff istg

* Where is Patrick?????

* If Patrick is dead imma throw hands

* Diana is such an evil person. Like Drake is a monster, but she’s horrible in a different way.

* Also ughhhhhhhhhh Drake is back 😒😒😒😒😒 so sick of that mf

* “So. When do we go take down Sam Temple?” 🙄🙄🙄 no one likes you Drake

* AHAHAHHSJAHSHSHHSHD

* SAM JUST TOLD ASTRID HE LOVED HER

* AND SHE SAID IT BACK

* IM. S O F T

* (like my brain is still saying “y’all have talked for less than two weeks and you’re 14”)

* But like whatever 😭❤️

* My eyes just rolled into the back of my skull once Diana appeared

* Taylor low key flirting with Sam tho 👀

* When I first met Dekka, I was all: ‘what the hecka?’

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* I’m crying because Quinn couldn’t kill Drake because he was scared, and now children are screaming. Ugh I really wanted him to kill Drake but I understand that killing someone is a crazy thing to have on your conscience

* Call me cold hearted, but I would’ve shot him

* This is all in theory of course ^ I bet if I was in that situation though it wouldn’t be as easy as “just shoot him”

* I don’t think I’ve ever been more annoyed with a fictional character than I am with Drake rn

* Yooo I bet Isabella has some animal powers or sumn

* Caine 🙄🙄🙄 like that emoji doesn’t even come close to describing how annoyed I am

* Wait so is Patrick back now or...?

* Caine really just. Kissed Diana. Because she “owed him”????

* THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT

* I literally hate sooooooooo many characters in this book ugh 😒😒😒

* Quinn is watching Drake kill Sam and is doing nothing. I’m so done with this piece of shit

* Ok finally he tried to shoot him

* “You know it always gets me hot when you say ‘apt analogy.’” “Why do you think I do it?”

* Y’all 🥴🥴🥴

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* Literally? Imagine being this heartless. Giving up hundreds of kids to coyotes without hesitation. The hate I have for Caine is real

* Once again, Orc feeling bad for what he did to Bette. And honestly? I’m still okay with that

* This kid is an a l c o h o l i c

* Computer Jack is so annoying like dude stop holding on to Sams leg. Literally

* Still hate Diana, but I like that she’s helping out Sam a little bit

* Ew Diana just kissed Sam on the corner of his mouth 🤢

* I TOLD YALL ^^^

* Yay Patrick is alive :)

* “I guess we won,” Sam said. “Yeah,” Edilio agreed. “I’ll get the backhoe. Got a lot of holes to dig.”

* ^im. Depressed

* I cannot for the life of me remember who Cookie is

* “Orc sat with Howard in a corner by themselves. Orc had fought Drake to a standstill. But no one-least of all Orc-had forgotten Bette.”

* ^good.

* Y’all Sam and Astrid flirting I- 🥴🥴

* We love to see it ^

* Awww “we’re going to the beach” y’all Astrid and Sam are so cute

* THOSE DAMN COYOTES

* FUCK. Goddamn this cliffhanger 😡

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 5 episode 3

"ASCENSION"

Notes by me

- the music sounds like land before time

- bandana!Daniel

- "tedious.....tediousness"

- anytime Daniel talks about his job Jack and tealc walk away

- "dont turn it on" do u even know her

- she looks tired does she need a shoulder rub. I give great shoulder rubs

- Daniel swings his slutty little hips when he walks

- never not conducting the theme

- sam: I'm fine

Fraiser: have you considered the trauma

- Jack wants SPACE GUNS

- ok why we being bitchy to Sam

- oh this is gonna be a gay fight between Sam and friaser wife vs wife

- "take up golf, fly a kite...knit something"

- ah I remember answering machines

- creepy stalker ghost??

- holy shit that silhouette in the living room actually scared me. I'm turning it off now goodbye

- ok damn!!!! Ghost guy kinda cute???

- Daniel promising to call bc theyre besties and they share everything ❤

- ghost guy: I wont hurt u

sam: I will fuck you up so bad

- bro she knows how to murder ppl like professionally.......back up or get punched

- "I love you" who doesnt

- jacks gonna think she lost her marbles

- "surveillance" is a giant camera in the most obvious place imaginable

- tealc and Daniel research buddies

- tealc said she Cray Cray

- velona is 636

- orlin never missing an opertunity to tell her how hot she is

- its spirit swapping time

- why does he look like he belongs in like the backround of one episode of buffy the vampire slayer

- "close your eyes and relax" obligatory sex joke

- "no one has seen the things youve seen and until that happens we're all gonna think youre nuts!"

- the Pentagon sucks all they want is weapons

- surprise!!!! You can touch me now...maybe even...kiss...just a little...haha jk ......unless??

- tealc loves star wars so much he watched it 9 times

- also yeehaw another great hat for tealc in the books

- jacks like oh???? A date????? Text me details later girl u know I love that gossip

- he saved a whole ass planet!!! A good guy all around

- I hate his beings rules they suck

- orlin took a gamble on if Sam would fuck him if he turned human and boy is he bad at math

- hammond threatening ppl with the president is always a good time

- I would kill for a guy that broke my microwave to make me an emerald

- orlin: you think I'm so sexy it hurts

Sam:............................yeah

- pentagon guy can suck my dick

- I literally love him so much omg. She walks in and is like omg I'm sorry about all this I promise I didnt give u up and hes like I know.

- he made a stargate out of her toaster 😩husband material

- of course she followed him

- let him destroy the weapon clearly he knows what hes doing . we blowing shit up as usual folks

- they shot my alien hottie!!!

- he blew himself up for them:( I want to drown in a lake of my own tears

- how come all sams love interests die

- bye orlin :( sorry you never got to smash

~

Sam whump: emotional at end

Orlin whump: shot several times, fought, blood, dying, sacrificed himself

🎶listening to Better Place by Rachel Platten 🎶 for Orlin falling in love with Sam as soon as he saw her after being imprisoned on a trash planet for centuries

[verobatto]

TFW: Time to rewrite your stars.

(The Phoenix Complex in Supernatural characters development. S14 spoilers)

Hello fandom! I just wanted to write something about the exciting idea represented in this season: Growth Time.

I already wrote about this Phoenix Complex before in my "breaking jars" meta, and how Supernatural used it as character development. This season 14 is showing us how our beloved characters slowly but certainly... Are arriving to fullfill their inner circle.

Sam from the "child with demon blood" to "there won't be new king of hell"

Since the beginning, Sam was marked with this "destiny" to fulfill, written by the unfortunately events that made Mary took the wrong decision.

You could say he was "screwed", surrended by demons in disguise, controlling all his movements. It was written... This kid with demon blood should rise with Lucifer, bring the Apocalypse and rule the world.

But even so, he's Sam "fucking" Winchester, he fought against all written destiny, against all bad decisions and he sacrificed himself for the good and his own ideas and perceptions about what is good. That was a triumph, but not the only triumph he had.

We could say his destiny was OPEN HELL GATE AND MAKE HELL OF THIS WORLD. But instead of that... He tried to closed hell's gate like a brave warrior looking for redemption in season 8.

I really believe this is Sammy season too. Episode 1 showed us a huge character growth, a bright Phoenix resurfacing from the ashes, screaming to every word written about him and his destiny, that here's is where this must ended.

Gif credit @itsokaysammy

And how glorious way to closed that hateful destiny. He rules his own path. He says "ENOUGH!" To those demons, but also, to his past with them. We won't come back to those black days. He even saw his prison guard, Lucifer, died in front of him. The victory is by his side.

This path of self knowledge and self acceptance is about to end. He's not anymore this guy with so many regrets and so many incomplete desires. He even had the opportunity of reconciliation with his mother, that profund wound, healing with forgiveness.

Jack from son of Lucifer to son of Kelly Kline

What a most impossible changing destiny Jack had. The living son of Lucifer itself. What a dark path was extended in front of him. The darkest panorama.

But nevertheless... He wasn't only Lucifer's son, he was also Kelly Kline's son.

Kelly Kline erased that dark path, and brought a new one, full with kindness and love, to his son.

He's part of this family now, he was filled with goodness and firm ideas about what is worth to fight for. And he's is the youngest warrior, but not the less brave.

He even visited his grandparents and meet them. Was the reaffirmation of his human roots, his good roots, and that was huge for his self knowledge.

There's too much things for him to learn... Loosing his grace as a Nephilim was a new reborn, he's learning now how to growth again in self acceptance. But with all those dad's surrounding him, it wouldn't be so hard for him.

Castiel from Angel of the Lord to Winchester's Angel

This is an amazing transformation. And I wrote a lot of him and Dean in my other meta talking about the Breaking Jars and Slow Construction of Destiel Canon.

Here is the link

So... Everybody remembers our Badass Angel from the earliest seasons...

Both gorgeous gif credits @magnificent-winged-beast

Yes, this Angel of the Lord with a mission, with faith in the Sacred Oath and in God, with a thousands of brothers, one of the best soldiers in Heaven, changed everything for humanity. For the Winchester Family. He rewrite his Oath, traslating his faith for God, to Dean and Sam. But mostly, to Dean.

All of his bad decisions, taken with good intentions, brought him to depressed states, and always self recriminations.

As I said before, being human was cataclysm for him, and after that, being useful for the battle, slowly twisted to being just there, for his family.

In season 13 we witnessed the huge improvement of the character, if this season wasn't applicable the Phoenix Complex to Castiel, I don't know then where tu put it. Castiel started being dead, facing himself in the Darkness, and by the end of the season, he literally killed his old him, AUCastiel, the Cas that never met the Winchesters, who never fell for love.

Because he had lost everything for them, for Dean, but he also won everything with them.

And in season 14 we're in front of this Castiel. He knows where he belongs, he knows he's part of the Winchesters. And he accepts that without regrets.

IDK you guys, but I see him more human, and emotional. IDK if this bc he misses his human, or bc he IS becoming human by feeling himself as a human...

Dean, from Righteous Man to a man who must love himself

And here we're, at this point with "What do you want, Dean?" Season.

This is the most complex character of the series. Our beloved constipated hunter, needs a lot of breaking to reach the new Dean.

He has this distorted imagen of himself in which he's the Patriarchal protector, some kind of kamikaze who is willing to die and sacrifice himself as many times as necessary for his family and for save the world. He thinks he's expandable, he almost hates himself, for trying again and again to be someone he is not. To fullfil all expectations his father put on his shoulders. He must be the strong, macho, righteous man in charge of his family.

That's why I feel Michael's Possession and the new mark in the non Destiel mark shoulder, will be two strong expositions of what Dean really wants. He must learn, after so many "deaths", to accept who he's, accept what he really want inside and accept himself, then and once for all, he'll be able to love and be able to recognize that his family loves him in return. Bc he is important for them. He matters.

This is Dean's exposure season, in all the aspects. He must to look himself in the mirror, and be honest. Breaking free from his emotional prison. Is time for him to feel loved, to started to love himself, to truly love their family in a healthy way, and to love his angel without shame. I know, it looks like a long journey... But he's getting there.

Closing circles at the end of the journey

To conclude, I want to share this beautiful quote.

"And what if a piece of wood discovers that it's a violin?"

A. Rhimbaud

This is the end of every journey, to discover who are they for real. And accept and love themselves will make them free.

We are there with Sam, Jack, and Cas... We are waiting now for Dean to reach it.

As you have seen... We are almost there, I presume, after writing this meta with a little of melancholy, I could say we are arriving at the end. Of course I can be wrong, and the writers could make the cliffhanger an put reverse in every arc or just put pause, bc hey, I don't write the show, and this just are my thoughts about TFW in this story till now.

Ok! I have to make a big mention here bc @magnificent-winged-beast made those beautiful gif set from Season 4 "The rapture", and she had this accident with an electric storm and lost the work she was doing with the gifs I asked her for this meta especially, and she did it again, and she even didn't sleep the hours she should bc of this gifs and I'm so grateful with her... 😭 Your gifs are the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 💖 You are awesome!!

You can share your opinions and debate, i'd love to read you!

I'm tagging some friends to discuss...

@emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @silvie111 @mrsaquaman187 @castiellover20 @lykanyouko @agusvedder @lovemesomecas94 @navajolovesdestiel

And everyone who wants to share!

Ja neeeeee!

Buenos Aires, October 23rd 2018 01:25 PM

[deeisace]

hmmmm

i like to think there are a lot of interesting folks in my family

or there were, at least

well, yeah okay my recent family is pretty weird also

but just to list some odd/interesting/cool folks? i think, anyway. because i’m thinking about it and i can’t research bcs i turned off my ancestry account bcs i don’t have £15 a month spare

uhhh anyway okay

most of these you will know i’m sure, cs i do talk rather a lot of nonsense fairly often

--

because letterkenny has reminded me of the existence of canada-

henry bird, ghost child. the only record of him ever that i can find, ever, is the passenger list of him going over to ontario in i forget if it was 1873 or 1878, but he was 8 years old, and i assume he is a cousin of mine somehow (since he went over with my 4th-great grandparents, an aunt and her neices/nephew(/stepchildren - the aunt, Grace, married her sister, Thirza’s widower, 6 months after her sister died, and who died 6 months later)).

on the subject of Canada, Willie Bird, my cousin four times removed, who became a mountie in somewhere called Moose Jaw (someone who is from there is called a Moose Javian, which is fuckin amazing) in his early 20s/the late 1880s, and I can’t find a mention of him following that, in 1891. His sister Ann married a postman and moved to Ohio, where it seems she fairly immediately died, and his sister Thirza married someone called John James Nicholson, stayed home in Dufferin County, Ontario and named her second son Beryle.

--

Ellenor Moore, an aunt of mine, whose husband Thomas was in fact legally married to the woman next door - they had 10 children between the three of them over 15 years, with most of the eldest listed to Ellenor, and most of the youngest listed with Mary - or at least, they lived in that manner, according to the 1891 census, although the youngest two, the same age, had swapped residence according to their baptisms - John was baptised to Ellenor but lived with Mary on the census, and Selena was baptised to Mary but lived with Ellenor. I couldn’t find baptism records for most of the elder children, however. Of course I don’t know their lives or their reasonings, but I like to think they were happy, living in such a way, even in 1870s-1890s(etc) rural Lancashire.

Alfred Wyatt Pettit, my 3rd-great grandfather, the cheesemonger apprentice turned coachman - turned tram driver, turned omnibus driver, turned omnibus conductor. He really must’ve hated cheese - or just really liked these new motor cars, I suppose!

Redvers Madge, my 3rd great uncle. He just has a funny name, tbh. I’m not at all surprised he went by Henry. Jack, why on earth would you do that to your youngest son?? The rest of them had normal names, f god’s sake.

On the subject of odd names, tho - Thirza Bird, Devereaux Aland, Wyndham Evans (on my father’s side), Wyndham Madge (on my mother’s side), Mark Darke, Horatio Fox... A set of sisters all called variations on Mary - Mary, Maria, May - with Elizabeth and Charles the youngest two siblings. And a set of sisters all with flower names - Daisy, Violet, Ivy, Hyacinth (who hated her name, and was called something entirely unrelated as soon as she was able to protest) and Lily - where all the boys had, again, normal names - Charles, Sam, Eddie and Cyril.

Alice Fox, who came from a family of criminals - or at least, her dad (the aforementioned Horatio Fox, “a rough-looking fellow [and] lazy, drunken vagabond”, according to the papers, who I talk about here a bit) was terrible in at least most ways you can think, to his family as well as himself, and seems to have been in prison more often than not, fortunately - and one of her aunts was the 1870s equivalent of a shoplifter, whilst the other caused a lot of bother fighting with her neighbours, and the last married a policeman, which must’ve caused some family drama, I imagine. But Alice married a baker, who’sone and  only mention in the local paper was that once he got fined for leaving his car outside a shop for too long, which spooked a horse, in 1912 - so while that’s no proof, I do hope her later life was happier than her childhood.

Ah, who else, now.

John Stuart Scarth, who was a son of a gun - although not in his manner, so far as I can tell. He was born, impossibly, on a ship on it’s way back from Malta. Impossible because although his dad was a soldier, the regiment he belonged to would not be in Malta another 30 years. He lists himself as being born in Lisbon, however - but although his daughter must’ve got something wrong - or I have, or someone has - he must’ve told her that story, for her to remember it and tell it to the author of a genealogical book about posh people in Illinois. I’m not entirely sure I believe that book, that she was "a lady of culture and refinement”, since that is certainly not true of any of my more recent relatives (refinement?? nah), although I do believe the book/her that her dad was the precentor of St Magnus’ Cathedral, sort of like a choir master, for 40 years, and had “a peculiar talent” “in vocal and instrumental music”, and valued music far above his trade (which was tailoring, same as his dad - who also had the same name) - I know from the Orkney papers some of the songs he sang, and that he had a “neat manner” and that he sang as entertainment for the local Temperance League meetings sometimes - which is why I say he was not a son of a gun - although his place of birth makes him one.

James Linklater Fergus, the first actual Scouser in my family (although Lancashire goes further back some, on another branch), a sailor on a steam ship who died in Alexandria, Egypt, after stepping on a rusty nail - or at least, that is what I assume from “puncture wound, sole rht foot, 10 days hosp”.

Betsy Evans, my 4th-great aunt, from Darlaston, who listed her occupation as “latch-press” in 1871 - I know of course it means that she made latches, in a factory or suchlike, but it seems so much like an old-timey word for a thief, doesn’t it? I can quite imagine her making the locks she will later break into, though I’m sure that’s a foolish thought if ever there was one.

Alfred Cotterill, my great great grandfather, who emigrated to Boston and came back not two years later - to join the war effort, for ww1 had begun (supposedly, according to his grandson - but he married in april 1914, in Newport, Wales (to an awful woman), and the war did not begin until july - so unless he was clairvoyant, I fail to see how that was the case. He had a tattoo, on his right arm, although I’ve no idea what of, since I can’t find his blummin war records, can I? He spent most of the war as a POW, in the salt mines - he was shot in the leg in no man’s land, and was reportedly glad the germans picked him up instead of the british, since it meant he kept his leg, rather than the british, who had no time or resources, just amputating it.

Richard Mussard, a cab driver in London in the 1850s etc, who lived near two train stations and did so alright for himself that he owned his own cab after some time. He became a cabbie before the advent of The Knowledge, and so must’ve been one of the first to have to take it. I’ve no idea of his parents, but London in 1800 seems to have had two Mussard families - one, lightermen (sort of like ferrymen, only for things rather than people, working with the currents and with long paddles used for steering) from Battersea, or the other, a middle-class fencing/dancing instructor to boarding schools who did indeed have a son called Richard, although it was his middle name and not first. I don’t know how Richard might have got from an alright middle-class background to ferrying people between train stations for a pitance, and I would not wish such a decrease in fortunes upon him, but I do hope I’m decended from a fencing instructor anyway.

---

I think that’s rather enough, I suppose - I’ve run out of people that other people seem to find interesting, and I’m sure if I continued I’d bore you. And it’s midnight.

[zhenyakatava]

former hs friend group/clusterfuck

when you’re a young adult going to a public high school in middlebury, vermont, image is everything. being a part of something is everything, especially when you’re part of a group that everyone knows. these guys have watched each other grow up, from birthday parties at the local mcdonalds’ jungle gym to middle school dances to house parties and keg stands when someone’s parents were away. through the best - like senior year, when the football team won the state championship - and the worst of high school, these guys were always there for each other. somehow, though, graduation proved to be too trying for them to stick it out. some have gone their own way, and some have stayed in middlebury to create homes and families. either way - no matter how hard they try to forget, the friends they made and kept for twelve years of their life are hard to cut ties with. somehow, by some stroke of luck (or misfortune) they’re all in town to attend elijah and valentina’s wedding. y i k e s.

*side note: names were just the most basic names i could think of. u do nOT i repeat DO. NOT. have to use them. in fact please don't xo. faces are suggestions, but if you could keep the twins poc and obviously the same race that would be 👌🏼 also the backstories and blurbs are suggestions, the relationships listed are ~basically~ suggestions unless they’re with an already-made character. basically, it looks intimidating but it’s really not!! we all out here to have fun and enjoy all the drama! change the characters, add characters if they’re in the age range. go wild. i sure have w this post.

“bobbie” (29-31) 

reserved for coral

bobbie + mia: twins bobbie + valentina: slept together in hs when he had a girlfriend bc he always had a lil crush on her tbr bobbie + elijah: best friends; michael is matt’s best man in his upcoming wedding

bobbie is the Good Guy of the group. had kind of a rough childhood, his father disabled and his mother working as the school custodian. hard working, down to earth, loyal to the end and willing to help everyone in the group out. he played football with the rest of them in high school, otherwise his mild-mannered temperament probably wouldn’t have landed him in the same social circle. precious cinnamon roll. must protect at all costs. 

face suggestions: michael b. jordan, alfie enoch, charles michael davis

“mia” (29-31)

reserved for lana

mia + elijah: having an affair mia + joey: dated for like a year in hs mia + noah: she cheated on dev with sam and then they dated for a short time

unlike her twin brother, nathalie is not so pure. her upbringing hardened her - she’s brash, unapologetic and sometimes downright rude. she’s known as being more of a fun time than commitment material, but tbr that’s fine with her because she doesn’t see herself settling down in the foreseeable future. 

face suggestions: nathalie emanuel, tessa thompson, kat graham, zoe kravitz 

“joey” (29-31)

joey + mia: dated for like a year in hs joey + noah: used to be best friends with sam until sam slept with his gf… now they hate each other

back in high school, dev was known as the pothead. incredibly smart, but a serious case of Wasted Potential because he got caught with enough to get an intent to sell charge during his freshman year of college and since, has been kind of hating his life. 

face suggestions: dev patel, rami malek, godfrey gao, bob morley, dylan o’brien, miles teller, kit harrington

valentina (30, lindsey morgan, jenn)

valentina + elijah: engaged!! the rzn for the szn valentina + cass: besties; jamie is eiza’s maid of honor

“oh she's sweet but a hoe” - brought to u by jennifer. that’s it for now. more to come.

elijah (30, matthew daddario, anna)

elijah + ashley: brother and sister elijah + theo: used to be best friends until armie knocked up matt’s sister and left without a word hehe

“the quiet smart one that lowkey didn't belong but somehow ended up there. dan humphrey but not poor and the Worst. now eli is a 2x New York times best selling author who is burnt out and in a rut and kinda mean to everyone cuz of it but ultimately has a big heart but is just sad” - anna™

“noah” (29-31)

reserved for emma

noah + ashley: married; he’s basically her (and armie’s) son’s dad

goofy but well-meaning perpetual sidekick - to his former bfs dev, his ex nathalie, and now his wife adelaide. doesn’t know how to be alone. 

face suggestions: sam claflin, grant gustin, jack falahee, tyler posey, tyler hoechlin

cass (30, jamie chung, alex)

pioneer of the rbf, never leaves home without her planner, and was probably a black cat in another life. she grew up just above the poverty line but has worked really hard so that no one would ever guess her roots. she's a lil prickly, but not Mean and she's v passionate about supporting the ppl who have earned her loyalty.

theo (30, armie hammer, morgan)

theo + ashley: dated for not that long before she got pregnant and he peaced tf out of there because he sure as hell wasn’t ready

grew up living with his grandparents and getting occasional visits from his crackhead parents (a few times with a new sibling in tow). high school golden boy and football star who left his family and friends behind after he accidentally knocked up adelaide after a short fling… oops. became a travel journalist to escape his problems and is lowkey lonely as hell and ready to grow up.

“ashley” (28)

reserved for maddie

maternal type, always looking to look after others despite being the youngest of the group. can be pretty cynical and woe-is-me at times but like… c’mon. she had a kid at 17 so cut her some slack! now she’s married to sam and she’s not sure if she really loves him or if she’s just glad to have someone to help her raise a kid. 

face suggestions: sophie cookson, willa holland, aja naomi king, alicia vikander, nina dobrev, priyanka chopra, naomi scott

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 2 episode 9

🚨trigger warning: mentions of rape in my notes🚨

"SECRETS"

Notes by me

- the chief from abydos! Also daniels father in law :)

- no glasses!Daniel in this scene

- I love how dedicated Daniel is to his space family and their culture😌 like this random Egyptian planet was like I'm gonna keep you! And he said okie dokie

- "I couldnt possibly be safer than in the company of tealc" AKDEOSNDJSJSSKA

- Jack wants to go back too lol

- Daniel back in his robes 💕

- back home for daniel! To abydos!

- Bodyguard!tealc

- apologizing to sha'res dad for not being able to find her yet 😟 its not your fault babe!

- SHA'RE??? YOUVE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME WHAT THE FUCK

- tealc:

- shes pregnant and that is....really bad. If its one of the goaulds that raped her. This got dark real quick

- "husband!" "My daniel" I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ALREADY GOING INSANE

- he doesnt want to bring his hopes up that its actually her 😭

- hes shocked but like.....i would be too

- I was right its apophis kid :\ this so fucked up

- Host Baby??? Big Yikes

- okay I'm gonna say this right fucking now before i watch any more. If Daniel blames her and gets mad at her for being raped and getting pregnant WITHOUT her consent than i will personally come thru this screen and slap the fuck out of him

- meanwhile! Jack and Sam bonding time!

- SAMS DAD

- sha're thinking Daniel wont love her anymore :( she better be wrong or I'm throwing hands

- she said the goauld is Amunet? Is that the dog goddess? Or the crocodile? I'm getting my Egyptian gods mixed up

- Daniel sitting outside to Process™

- "hasnt she gone thru enough?" My brain stopped working I'm so happy hes not not blaming her. Writers for once youre doing something right

- man hes really emotional about this

- tealcs right they need to take her anyway for her own safety.

- do u think he sympathizes with her bc hes been raped too? Its not said but I feel like thats what it is. He knows it wasnt her fault. And that also means they can comfort each other about what happened to them😟bc they understand

- okay why is sams dad being a total dill hole

- "Ive heard nothing about you, sir." Jack youre not off to a great first impression

- Jack making sam smile with sly jokes

- her dad knows she be lyin about her job

- he wants her to go to space HAHA if only he knew. His tiny brain would explode

- Daniel said he loves her no matter what and then gave her a big hug im LOSING MY MIND

- are we keeping the baby??? Am I gonna see Dad!Daniel and mom!sha're ??? 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

- micheal shanks eyes are super blue in this episode for my viewing pleasure only

- protective!Daniel 😍

- I'm just remembering how they met and when she showed him the forbidden drawings in the caves and they spent days together just sharing knowledge. When he found out they were married(in her culture) and just completely accepted it. When he saved her bc he realised he was in love. When he stayed on abydos so that he could live a full life with her and her people because he felt like he belonged. I'm fine

- parents need to ask before they set up things like job interviews. I have personal experience with this and im full of rage

- this reporter literally having a recording of Jack talking about the stargate and Jack flatly denying it. Zero fucks given

- Daniel saying he wont force sha're into anything. Bc up to this point shes been forced into so much!! He knows he needs to let her make her own choices!!! He gets it!!!

- im sorry both Daniel and sha're are so pretty in his episode. My bisexual brain is just having a real good time looking👀

- I REALLY really love it when she calls him "my dan-yel" ❤❤❤

- the SGC has a mole???

- LABOR somebody boil water

- oh its my goauld mans with the sick earrings

- Daniel helping her give birth. Sitting behind her and helping her breathe. I'm love

- "this is where we hid from Ra remember?" Ajdjsisnana thats such a cool detail

- he'll never leave her again there goes my heart

- "It's O'Neill. With two L's. Theres another colonel O'Neil, but he has no sense of humor at all."

- dont you hate when youre about to uncover a huge government secret and then immediately get hit by a car

- shooting the zat gun into the camera was a cool directing choice 🔥

- sam: so I'm getting a medal for my service this week! Cool right?

Jacob Carter: I have cancer

- he could not have been any more blunt

- ok dude cant you just accept the fact that she cant tell you what her job? Dont you know what top secret means? Cant you just be proud of her for what she does already???? Dick

- "I will always love you!!"

- she is scared she will lose Daniel and the baby :(

- its a boy! 💙💙

- the goauld is back in control oh god Daniel run

- shes actually pretty scary as a goauld

- yeah ok shoot the woman who just gave birth tealc YEESH

- that was a good idea to frame Heru'hur tho

- Daniel hesitating to leave her again. My heart is breaking 😢

- they saved the baby at least

- poor sha're didnt even get to see her son 😔

- bringing the baby back to the grandfather was a good idea😊

- this baby is SO SO cute

- is Daniel a stepdad now. Is he gonna come back and play catch with the kid when hes older. Is he gonna fully adopt him. I want him to fully adopt him

- Jack blaming himself for the reporters death. You gotta stop doing this to yourself man

- black shirt Daniel 👀👀👀👀

- HAHA tealc shoving the jaffa into the vortex lmaooo

- "you dare challenge me?"

"I was thinking about it"

- WHEN JACK GRABS HIS KNIFE REAL QUICK AND SPEARS IT INTO APPOPHIS HAND

- she definitely saw them and didnt say anything

- "are you alright?"

"No. No im not.........but I will be."

"She looked directly at us, Daniel jackson. And yet she did not reveal our position." YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS LADS. Theres still hope for my girl. She can fight this I believe in her ✊😤

- I will say it again tho. This storyline for her is very fucked up. No excuses, its just a bit over used in sci fi for the women characters to have surprise pregnancies.

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: fought with jaffa

Daniel jackson whump: shocked, emotional, crying, forced kneeling, back handed

Sam carter whump: emotional , crying

🎶listening to You Are The Reason by Calum Scott and Leona Lewis 🎶 in honor of Daniel and sha're making me lose my collective mind

No glasses!Daniel for most of the episode