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whenyourshipfinallysetssail · 2 years

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Just some random

STRANGER THOUGHTS 2

***SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4***

*****My smoldering hot-takes on the season’s hottest DILF. 🥵******

Jeezus, is it a million and one degrees in here, or am I trapped in a Russian Prison with Enzo?

See, that’s funny because you’d think a Russian prison would be cold, but then there’s a hot DILF in there.

Question number one: ok yeah enemies to lovers but has anyone ever tried “helpful prison guard to sexy cell mate?” Is that a trope? Can we make it one?

Now you’re probably asking yourself, does this crazy bitch ship Hopper and Enzo?

And the answer is yes, of course I do, but not in an “I’m gonna be mad if this show doesn’t make this cannon” sort of way. I know nobody is queer-baiting me here. If anyone is queer-baiting me it’s me. I’m very good at it, thank you very much. I can imagine incredibly straight men are in love when they’re on screen together in my eyeline for too long. That said, Ronance, Steddie, Byler, and Jargyle: make it canon or we riot. [How fucking dumb was it when they just threw a random chick at Argyle to show the audience he’s got a big case of the not-gays? Who cares. This show loves smashing straights against each other. Show me some bi 80’s teens or shut the fuck up. Also, watch out, everybody, cause the Mileven Mafia is about to come gunning for me: I don’t give one single fuck about Mike and El’s relationship and I never have. El’s busy, guys. She’s got a whole “facing down an inter-dimensional existential threat/I’ve got two dads but one is abusive and one’s in a gulag” thing going on. Fuckin’ don’t make her date a boy right now.]

Now, back to that gulag. Ah, Enzo. Dimitri “Enzo” Antonov. My imaginary boyfriend that someone else imagined for me, who is never going to date my other imaginary boyfriend from Season 1 [on TV, at least. In head canon it’s already happening and you can’t stop it] for two reasons: A) because obviously Jopper is a thing and the writers aren’t going to suddenly drop that just because we got season 2 of the gay pirates. (But wouldn’t that be WILD? What if they had shot two versions of the ending and they held back Vol. 2 so they could use the gay ending if Our Flag Means Death got renewed? Would the internet survive the aftermath?) And B) my two boyfriends can never date because canonically Season 1 Hopper died in Season 3 when the Duffer Brothers got amnesia and started telling David Harbor to just scream at everyone in every scene. RIP, baby. I still love you.

[Side-Note: I’ve got so many good hashtags for this ship you guys: #jimitri #hopptonov #enzopper #hoppzo. They write themselves. These men fit like puzzle pieces. Sexy, sexy little puzzle pieces. Mmmm. Cold, boys? Why don’t you two papa bears snuggle up for warmth? Yeah . . . Yeah . . . That’s real cozy . . . . . . . ANYWAY]

And of course, C) #jimzo #twopigsinablanket [lol, they’re both cops] is never gonna happen because they’re absolutely setting up my glorious Russian cinnamon roll for a tragic heroic death.

Look, snow-muffin, I love you. You’re the steely-eyed, growly-voiced, salt and peachy mustached, true friend to the death, morally grey Russian with a not-so-secret heart of gold of my fuckin’ dreams. I’d watch a whole spin off that’s just you teaching your son to ice fish in silence. I want you and Mikhail to defect to America and move in with Jim and El and wind up in a super bi thrupple with Chief Hopper and my self insert OC. (Her name is Azelia Moondragon, she has three different color eyes, she can change genitalia at will, she has an IQ of 3.6 billion, and and she’s more powerful than the Mind Flayer, Vecna,El, and eight demogorgons put together . . . Nah, just fuckin’ with you. Her name’s Kate Kauffman and she’s a 38 year old therapist from New Jersey with a secret drinking problem.)

Listen, my ice duke, my proud Siberian wolf, my shot of Svayak with a spoonful of caviar, we both know you could have an AMAZING arc in Season 5. We both know you could wind up snatched by the US government and forced to remain at the lab in Hawkins while the feds scramble to cover up the existence of the Demogorgon you saw, that you could have a moving side mission to bring your son to the US illegally while you help your bestest pal Hop and his annoying girlfriend [no, she’s fine, it’s fine, I like her, they’re good together, not all the hot men want to kiss each other, and that’s ok] parent their sulky teens and save the damn world.

We both know you could fall madly, passionately in love with the mysterious new psychologist that the lab hires to provide you and the other Demogorgon survivors “trauma and readjustment therapy,” but who has secretly been tasked with wiping your memory so you can never go back to Russia and tell the world what you know. We’re both well aware that after she succumbs to your arctic-foxlike charm, Dr. Kate Kauffman could never bare to wipe your memories, that she would instead confess that she is not a psychiatrist, she is in fact a powerful psychic, a subject of the experiment that preceded Hawkins Lab, that in a fit of tears as she laid bare her secrets she would lift up her sleeve to reveal the mark on her wrist, faded, but perfectly legible: “000,” and then as you took her in your arms and told me no harm has been done, all is forgiven, you’re here to protect me now, the two of us would begin to float into the . . .

*Ahem* At any rate . . .

My beautiful near-winter ermine, we both know you have so much potential as a character. But it’s time for both of us to face the harsh, cold facts, so much colder and more harsh than the winters of your beloved homeland.

Dimitri, my darling, here are the reasons we both know you’re definitely not making it out of Season 4 alive:

1) You’ve got a son to get back to. ROOKIE mistake, my love. I’m frankly astonished at you. And you revealed it RIGHT before the big monster battle? I mean, why don’t you just do a big monologue about how you two are going to open up an awesome rabbit farm when you get home? Do you WANT to die? Baby, I volunteer for a suicide hotline. Next time you feel compelled to confess touching details about yourself the night before you face a deadly threat right at the end of a season arc, call me. We can talk it through. You have so many reasons to live!

And of course, that is why you are going to die.

2) Where is Mikhail’s mom?

Now, this one’s interesting. Arguments COULD be made this could go either way.

The facts are these:

You’ve made zero mention of your wife in all this “reflecting upon our lives as we stare into the gaping maw of death” talk. MAYBE your wife divorced you, and that’s why you don’t like to talk about her. Seems unlikely, given Hop got you to punch him by implying she was disloyal. (Although we can’t rule out the possibility that that remark hit just a little too close to home. Perhaps your drive to be seen as a hero of the Motherland in the eyes of your son stems from a need to demonstrate you are the REAL daddy, a bigger, braver, cooler man than the stepfather his mother left you for? Interesting. We can discuss this again in your next session, Dimitri. That is, if we even do any talking next time . . . I mean, what? Huh? Oh! Right, the thingy. Yeah, sorry, I uh, got distracted by the . . . Nevermind.)

ANYWAY, the much more likely answer is, Mikhail’s mommy is deadzo. You are not only a DILF, you are a hot widower, and the show runners are saving this juicy detail for the inevitable “calm before the coming storm,” beat, the moment just before your heroic sacrifice during the final battle or the crazy escape sequence, when Hop says something cheesy like “You’ve got to rest up. Tomorrow you’re gonna need all your strength to hug that wife and kid of yours.”

And you’ll stare just left of camera with your gorgeous, steely gaze, and you’ll say in your low, haunted voice “I will need strength for only one hug. I am all the family my son has left.”

BOOM. You’re dead. The emotional stakes just got higher and all the Duffer Brothers have to do now is fry ‘em up in the bacon grease of tragic irony and serve them to the audience with a side of mashed dream-potatoes as we weep for you. Now your son is an orphan! And Season 5 has a ready-made cute Russian to bring in and fatten with all our collective emotional investment before the final slaughter. [Fun fact: the third ritual sacrifice of a beloved fictional Russian in a series opens an actual real portal to a hell-dimension in our world!!! The last one opened on January 15, 1968, when the finale of The Man From U.N.C.L.E was broadcast! It was only closed by “chance” when the counter spell was “unwittingly” triggered by casting Armie Hammer as Illya Kuryakin in the GUY RITCHIE directed remake. GUY RITCHIE. Did you know he made a King Arthur Movie?! The Lock, Stock, and Every Movie Jason Statham Has Ever Been in guy. Made a remake of a 60’s tv show and a King Arthur movie with WAY TOO MANY GOD DAMN WIZARDS. Anyway, like I said, luckily the portal was closed, but the things which came from its depths still roam our Earth, seeking raw flesh and fun 60’s fashion accessories. Remember, Ritchie has more dark power and arcane knowledge than he’s letting on, and always wear an ascot or a cute colorful beret when you go out or you will perish horribly!]

Then again, there is a hopeful reading of the no-wife-scenario. MAYBE, dead wife means no strings to hold down the season 5 Enzo romantic D plot. MAYBE they’re leaving you open for more hasty and gratuitous hetero coupling! Doctor Kauffman?! Paging Doctor Kauffman to the set of Stranger Things Season 5! They’re prepping for your close up! And after that, you’re making ST history, they’re setting up to shoot the show’s first sex scene with two adults!!!

[remember when we watched two teens awkwardly fuck while Barb was gruesomely murdered in Season 1? That scene has gotten even LESS comfortable somehow as the actors have aged. You look back and see how young they look compared to now and you’re like “yikes! I know the actors were actually twenty, but please! No more babies fucking, thanks!” Glad they stopped doing that shit. If I had to watch El and Mike fuck I’d hurl, for more reasons than one. LEAVE HER ALONE AND LET HER FIGURE OUT HER SHIT GOD DAMN IT I DON’T NEED TO SEE HER PUNCH MIKE’S V CARD I DON’T CARE THIS ISN’T EUPHORIA ITS A GOD DAMN SCI FI 80’s THROWBACK FUN TIME ABOUT PSYCHIC BABIES!]

So, yeah, no wife could mean free meat for the season five Hetero-pairing meat grinder! There’s hope!

. . . Hope? . . . Who am I kidding? I’m sorry, Dimitri, but this is no time, no world for hope! This is Stranger Things! Do you really think we’re gonna make it out of another season with two new cast members still alive like we did in Season 2? No. No, in the end they killed Billy for his hubris in daring to outlast Bob Newby. All good looking things must end, my dear. Let us kill hope now, before she hurts us again.

3) This Show Fucking Loves Killing Precious Russian Moonbeams [alternatively titled “Are The Duffer Brothers Attempting to Summon The Ravening One From Beyond the 9,000th Eye?!?! Stay Tuned For Season 4 to Find Out!”]

I don’t know if, like, everyone in Russia knows everyone in Russia, but, like, probably not? It looks like a pretty big country on the map. But, Enzy, baby, can I call you Enzy? No? Ok, well, Antonov, sweetheart, do you remember Alexi? He was this really cute, funny, enjoyable Russian sidekick they had last season. We had so much fun with him! At first, we thought he was this bad Russian scientist who was going to help screw over our beloved friends, but in the end, he actually teamed up with them! We all really came to love Alexi! He was kind of a fan favorite! People wrote long, rambling things with a lot of weird jokes in them about him on Tumblr. And then . . .

Sound familiar?

Call me a pessimist, but I just don’t think the Duffer Bros can pass up an opportunity to murder a beloved fictional Russian. Besides, it has been long since the gate was opened. The Ravening One cries out for more tender flesh from our own corporeal plane. Its inessence rumbles, its dark mindlessness bends upon our dimension with all the fell, unfeeling intent and obsession of otherworldly instincts. The Duffer Brothers are thinking of doing a 60’s throwback for their next show, and Guy Ritchie is slated to direct the first seance, I mean episode! . . . Plus they’re like so attentive to details, they’d never kill three Russians on accident! Or forget their birthdays.

Dimitri “Enzo” Nikolai Andronic Niklosky Antonov, we could play this little game of denial, dream this little dream of happiness, torture ourselves a little while longer with what can never be. But neither you nor I are fools. Let us say goodbye now. Let us bid farewell to visions of you doing a really cool group side mission for one or two episodes with Steeve and Eddie and Robin and Nancy and Dustin and Max and El. Let us not cling any longer to fantasies of an episode beat where the adults go out on the town and you and Hopper get in a big bar fight with some assholes who are teasing Joyce and Murray, and you do lots of cool punching to some banging 1987 hit like, I don’t know, RICK ASTLEY’S “NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP?!?!?!” [Did I do it? Does it count as Rick Rolling if it’s in text?]

Let us let go once and for all of our wistful longing for all the dopamine-explosion moments as you interact and bond and integrate with the entire Stranger Things ensemble, the giddy spectacle of novel combination after novel recombination of beloved characters, that heady right of passage of exploring increasingly bizarre pairings and group dynamics all new ST characters who survive their first season are treated to, until the dread Season 5 finale ultimately tears them all assunder as the eldritch gods of the Upsidedown inevitably triumph and wipe all away with one mighty, slimy tendril of inter-dimensional horror.

All I can say, Enzipie, Dimipants, Antobutt, is that it’s been one hell of a ride. You may be just a corrupt guard of some remote, snowy prison in the middle of nowhere, betrayed by his crooked accomplice, imprisoned alongside his former captive, escaped with the aide of unlikely allies, and doomed by the conventions of narrative drama to die, but you melted my heart.

At least we get to keep Eddie! . . . Right? Duffers? DUFFERS?!

TOUCH HIM AND YOU DIE, GOD DAMN IT!!!

*begins sobbing and singing unintelligible Russian dirges while pounding the table rhythmically with fist*

#enzopper #jimitri #hoppzo #hopptonov #jimzo #two pigs in a blanket #stranger things speculation #stranger things season 4 #st4 spoilers #stranger things #dimitri enzo antonov #enzo stranger things #ronance #steddie #jargyle #Byler #humour #stranger things meme #hopper x enzo

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aliwritesfic · 3 years

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The Night Shift part 8 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

Summary: It's time to do what's best for you . . . also fuck Kurt

Warnings: physical violence, emotional abuse, brief mention of trauma

W/C: 2.2k

AN: So.... I'll be honest, I was quite sick when I wrote this (and I'm still not 100% but I'm at like 75% which is good enough) but I have a mentality of not editing or revising my work otherwise I embarrass myself and convince myself I'm The Worst(tm), but I hope this makes sense and the pacing is good <3

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Part 1 Part 9

Frankie was glad to see you finally opening up. Even if that meant tears he couldn’t wipe away, or a hand he couldn’t hold. The last thing he wanted was to put you in a position where you thought the only reason he was helping was to swoop in while you were vulnerable.

You sat next to him in his truck, your eyes were puffy and red from tears that once they started seemed to come in waves of intensity, from a few sniffles to shoulders heaving, gasping for air sobs. Manny sat beside you, holding your hand, which Frankie was grateful for. He was glad to see that you had people that cared about you. When he had messaged Manny that morning, it was more to find out if his suspicions were correct about the ‘friend’ you had talked about while drunk was you.

“You don’t have-“

“We want to,” Manny interjected for the fifth time. It occurred to Frankie that you weren’t used to people wanting to help you. “I’ve been praying that you’ll let me help you.” That made you sob again. You gave another apology, chest heaving as you tried to breathe.

Truthfully, Frankie was also glad that this was an excuse for him to skip talking about his own feelings. His own mind was a muddy mess of flashbacks and night terrors and bouts of anxiety that became so crippling he forgot how to breathe. How well would that have gone down in the little group he now found himself apart of? If he had to guess, about as well as it went down with Portia – pitying looks and urges to see a proper therapist, and a new distance that neither was willing bridge.

Manny answered a call as Frankie drove back. He wasn’t driving anywhere in particular, but when it had become clear you wanted to be anywhere but that bistro, he had suggested the three of you pile into his truck and see where the road took you.

“Mateo, honey, I need to ask you a few things,” Manny said into his phone. Out of the corner of his eye, Frankie saw you lean your head back and squeeze your eyes shut. Frankie wanted to reach out and squeeze your knee, take your hand, do anything to show that he was there, that he wasn’t going anywhere so long as you wanted him around.

Manny’s voice faded into the background as you turned to look at Frankie. He pulled up at a small nature reserve, which was just an algae slicked pond and a few oak trees surrounded by recently mowed grass. Frankie noticed how bloodshot your eyes were.

“You okay?” he asked, realising it was a stupid question.

“I will be,” you said, your voice hoarse. You cleared your throat with a wince. “I’m not upset . . . I’m just overwhelmed. Like, I’ve been holding this all in for so long that once the lid was opened it was impossible to put back on, and now I’ve just gotta let it all out. Does that sound stupid?”

Frankie shook his head. “Not at all.” You smiled weakly at him.

“Bet this is the worst lunch you’ve ever had,” you said.

“Nah, I think it ranks pretty highly,” Frankie said. “Mainly because of the company, though.” You rolled your eyes and Frankie could see the corners of your mouth twitch in an effort to keep a smile away.

“It’s not your fault, you know,” he said softly.

“What isn’t?” You asked, but before he could answer, Manny interjected.

“I’ve found you a new place,” he said. You shot up, confusion written on your face plainly. Manny smiled the type of smile when someone knows they’ve basically saved the day. “That was my dear friend Mateo on the phone. He is taking his first steps towards being a real estate mogul and recently brought a one bedroom apartment to rent out. And because he is such a dear friend and owes me like, a billion favours, I told him the minimum of what your situation was, and he has told me that he’s willing to rent the place to you for lower than market value. A hundred and twenty a week, including water.”

You’re silent for a few moments, and Frankie watched you carefully.

“When can I move in?” you said finally, and Frankie felt an invisible weight lift off your shoulders. He could only imagine how difficult this would be for you; making decisions that would change how you lived in a matter of hours, basically upending your life.

“He can get the keys to us on Wednesday, he’s just got to replace some fixtures and finish painting some walls,” Manny said. You nodded slowly.

“So, I just need to last till Wednesday,” you said.

“You can stay at my place, if you want.” Frankie said quickly, not exactly comfortable with the idea of you staying with Kurt. You had said he was never physically violent, but Frankie also knew how quickly a man could change when they didn’t get their way.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose,” you said carefully. Frankie nodded.

“Of course, you’re my friend, and friends help each other.” Just friends. Only friends. He wasn’t going to take advantage of you in this state just because he had a stupid crush. He had once had a conversation with a pissed off Eve Miller, who was ranting about the guys she thought were her friends instantly making moves the moment she became single. That had solidified Frankie’s resolve to not make moves on women he was friends with – it wasn’t fair to them or to him.

Before you could answer, your phone was ringing loudly. Your face crumpled as you looked at the contact, and Frankie frowned.

Kurt.

You took a deep breath and hit answer. “Hey! What’s up?” Your light and airy tone was at odds with your sombre expression. “No, I have lunch with Manny on Sunday, remember? You’re home already? But –“

Frankie listened to the angry buzzing coming from your phone, his revulsion growing.

“My phone died – no I just went out with Sara last night, she wanted to go to fight night . . . it’s not that short . . . No I didn’t fuck anyone else, Jesus Christ, Kurt! No! Look, I’ll be home soon, we can talk about this then.” You hung up with a shaking hand, your mouth twisting with effort to contain the tears.

Manny met Frankie’s eye over the top of your bowed head and gave a small nod.

“We’ll come with you to get some of your clothes,” Frankie said. “And anything else you need.”

“You’re really too sweet for this,” you muttered with a hiccup. “I’m sorry for dragging the both of you into my shit.”

“I crawled willingly into it,” Manny said breezily, “which I would only do for about five people in this world.”

The trio remained silent for several minutes, interrupted only but the sound of your occasional hiccups. Frankie reached out and patted your shoulder awkwardly, cringing internally while he did. Inexplicably, you leant into his touch, your damp cheek brushing against the back of his hand.

“Can you drive me home so I can get my stuff?” you asked softly. Frankie nodded and turned on the truck.

~*~

You were a ball of anxiety as Frankie pulled into the complex’s parking lot. Kurt’s car was already in the spot reserved for your apartment, sending you to the verge of a full-blown panic attack. You squeezed your eyes shut and counted to ten, then backwards from ten. Distantly, you felt Manny take hold of one of your hands.

“You’ve got this.” Manny’s voice sounded far away. “Francisco and I are behind you one hundred percent.”

“You’re calling the shots,” Frankie said, touching your arm. His hand was warm and calloused, and you didn’t know why that observation seemed to be at the forefront of your mind, but it was. You opened your eyes and met Frankie’s warm brown ones, suddenly feeling infinitely stronger.

You told them what you wanted to do – for you to go in by yourself and for them to wait outside the door, plug their ears if necessary, only come in if they felt like you were in any actual danger. Frankie’s face darkened at this, but to your relief he didn’t protest your plan.

You felt stronger with the two of them behind you. Every single step towards your apartment door solidified your resolve that this was the right thing, that this relationship hadn’t made you happy, fulfilled, in years. The click of your key in the door felt like one of finality.

Kurt sat on the couch, glaring at you. You left the door open a crack as you walked in, hovering by the dining table. You took him in fully and came to the conclusion that you were no longer attracted to this man at all. His skin was reddened by the sun, pale patches around his light blue eyes. His thin mouth was curled into a sneer.

“Care to explain what the fuck you’ve been doing while I was gone?” he said.

“Not really, no.” You replied. “Here’s the thing, Kurtis, you don’t get to go out with your friends for the whole weekend doing who-knows-what then turn around and get angry at me for spending time with the only friend from school that I still have! That’s not fair.”

“And who’s fault is that? You’re the one who pushed them all away!” Kurt stood up and advanced towards you. Normally, you would have taken a step backwards, given him space, but this time you stood your ground, clenching your fists tightly to stop them shaking.

“I’m still allowed to have a social life,” you said, struggling to keep your tone even. Kurt rolled his eyes.

“If you wanna go out and act like a fucking whore-“

“Think what you want, Kurt,” you said, “it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m leaving. You can’t stop me.”

Kurt spluttered for a moment, turning a shade of deep red. “Like fucking HELL you’re leaving me, you bitch!”

“I am!” you shot back. He was only a few inches from you now, so close his breath was hot on your face. “I’m miserable, I don’t love you anymore, and I’m done. I’ve been done for so long I can’t remember a time I was fully invested in this relationship! I deserve better! I deserve love that doesn’t make me so sad it hurts, and I can’t have that with you.”

Kurt’s face twisted into an ugly contortion of the features you once found perfect. “No. Nobody can love you the way I do! Nobody can understand you like I do! If you leave, I won’t want to live anymore. Don’t you remember? I can’t live without you!”

“Then go to a fucking hospital!” you snapped, moving to get past him. Kurt grabbed your wrist tightly. His grip was like a vice, cutting off blood supply to your fingers.

“Let go!” you begged. Kurt tugged you closer, spittle forming at the corners of his mouth, your noses almost touching. He’s going to kill me. Oh my god, he’s actually going to kill me. You saw movement by the door out of the corner of your eye, and your heart swelled.

“You heard her,” Frankie said, “let her go.”

Kurt didn’t let go, but instead gripped harder. He’s completely lost it, you thought dimly, the expression Kurt wore sending true fear into your heart.

“And just who the fuck are you?” Kurt demanded.

“Let her go,” Frankie repeated. He didn’t raise his voice, but you could still hear the power it held. Kurt scoffed and spat at Frankie’s feet.

“This is an issue between me and my girlfriend, now get out of my apartment before I make you.”

Frankie didn’t reply, instead, he strode forward, pushed the sleeves of his flannel over shirt up as he did. Kurt didn’t wait. He pushed you hard against the kitchen bench, knocking the breath out of you and sending a shot of pain through your back, and moved to meet Frankie in the middle of the room.

It happened in an instant, blink and you miss it. Frankie swung, his fist connecting with Kurt’s jaw with a sickening crunch. Kurt went down like a lead balloon, howling as he collapsed on the floor. Frankie stood over him, breathing hard through his nose.

Manny ran forward to help you, holding you to him like the protective brother you had always wished for. It took you a few moments to realise you were shaking, out of fear or adrenaline you didn’t know.

“Come on,” he whispered soothingly, “we gotta get your stuff.” You nodded and let him help you up. You didn’t feel like you were connected with your body like you were watching the whole thing through a separate set of eyes. You saw Frankie standing over Kurt, arms crossed and boot pressing into Kurt’s chest.

Manny held your hand as you walked to your bedroom. You were distantly aware of the aching in your body, your back, and wrist especially. It was Manny who packed your bag for you, grabbing anything he thought you might need. The whole thing was done in less than ten minutes. Before you left you turned to face Kurt.

“I’ll be back sometime this week to get the rest of my stuff. Do not contact me.”

You felt your strength returning to you as you left with Frankie and Manny with you. For the first time in a long time, you felt like you could breathe.

Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 @1800-fight-me @annathewitch @darnitdraco @frankiecatfish @punkerthanpascal @nakhudanyx @gracie7209 @quica-quica-quica @pintsizemama @phoenix-of-loki

#the night shift #frankie x reader #frankie morales x you #triple frontier #frankie catfish morales

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hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years

Text

Dating Seo Changbin

A/n: I am so sorry this took so long!!! i hope you like it <3 oof its been a while since I've done this style so here we go

Requested: @mrsunshine999

Tag List: @distrikt9 @mini-meanhoee @poeticallyspaghetti @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @yangomangos @jeonqqin @geminirules @crscendoforsung @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @multi-net

Warnings: cussing, changbin being best boi,

First of all....reader you are one lucky bitch.

Dating THE changbin

damn

Changbin is definitely one of the more domestic boys

He thriiiives with being a cuddly soft boyfriend

You probably met his parents on like your fourth date

But it was like a surprise thing

He was like “Stop by my place because I’ve got to take care of somethings before we go out”

and you were like sure whatever so you get there like twenty minutes early and knock on the door

changbin opens and says you can wait in the living room while he is grabbing some things

first of all you notice his house is super fuckin nice

you’re like “mental note to ask who his decorated is”

so he goes off and you walk in the living room and there are his parents just looking at you with kind expectant smiles

and you’re like “ummmm.........hello........changbin’s parents....”

changbin is like walking in and out of the room completely unaware that you are lowkey shitting your pants because omg his parents are right there and you were not prepared for this you were just promised food

its then you realize this is his parents house and he freaking tricked you into meeting them

by the time he sits down next to you on the couch you’ve practically sweated through your nice outfit and answered a billion questions

“I told you, I pick good ones mom- OW!”

you pinched him really hard and made a nervous look towards the door.

He laugh and got the message

the two of you said goodbye and you proceeded to whack him very hard the second the door closed behind you

loves to spoil you

anytime you're mad at him the next day you find a very expensive flower arrangement as well as a nice piece of jewelry on your desk or doorstep

he never lets you pay for anything

in fact the most common argument you have is about him spending too much money on you or not letting you pay

one time after a really big fight he secretly paid your rent for the month (which led to you yelling at him again)

“CHANGBIN YOU PAID FOR MY RENT?!”

“I thought I was doing a nice thing!”

“Yes it was very nice but I want to do things for myself!”

“But you’re so....baby....my baby....I wanna take care of you.”

“I AM NOT BABY!”

he thinks you look really cute when you’re mad so you never really end up getting anywhere with arguments like that

changbin is definitely a huge cuddler

likes being both little and big spoon

his favorite sleeping position is probably you sleeping on top of his chest so he can hug you like a teddy bear (you have replaced Munchlax haha)

probably takes you on the most aesthetic dates

he loves being your personal photographer

he can’t show you off on the skz insta so he probably has like a separate private account just to post really cute pictures of the you and him

changbin is a huge fan of couple clothes

like any kind

his favorite is finding couple shoes like sneakers.

he likes knowing that he could wear them onstage and bring a piece of you into the public view but its like his lil secret

changbin is like super no no about scandals so after a few months he probably announces the relationship before the press even think he is in one

changbin is like the pinterest boyfriend

like he strives to be pinterest worthy

the boys give him so much shit about it but like lowkey he doesn’t care he just steals their coffee or something in revenge

he probably keeps like special products for you in his apartment

he always has the coffee or tea you like stocked in his kitchen

changbin is definitely the type to love hard and love fast so once this boy has you locked down in a relationship he just goes all in

you two probably move in together pretty quickly because this boy is just so anxious to be around you all the time

lowkey whiny once you move in

“y/nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!”

“changbin you've said my name like 18 times what the hell do you want”

“i wanna hug.”

tries to use aegyo to get out of chores and housework

“I love dark my ass.” you say shoving a laundry basket in his arms and watching him pout

late night gym dates at like two in the morning

the boys lowkey getting jealous of how much time he spends with you

Felix and Hyunjin basically live at your apartment

you don’t know how they got keys but somehow they are always there

you’ll wake up one morning and felix will be randomly asleep on your couch for no reason

your dates are often crash by one of the boys but you honestly don’t mind because they are so much fun

changbin is actually the most caring and empathetic boyfriend

he always seems to know when you have a bad day or are just feeling bad about yourself

sometimes you don't even understand how he knows

you’ll just be laying in bed on your phone after a really rough day and wanting to cry and changbin will just come up and give you the warmest gentlest bear hug

he won’t say anything but he’ll just hold you until you want to talk or just cry it out

lets be honest changbin hugs would be the best tho

like he hugs with his whole being

in a relationship i feel like he is super affectionate so hugs are pretty common but he probably hugs differently for different circumstances

like he gives really gentle hugs when your sad and strokes your hair, kissing the top of your head

probably a big fan of quick side hugs when you're in public or with the boys

big cuddly hugs when you’re alone where he can rock you side to side or flop onto the couch with you

so ‘i love you’

again changbin falls fast and hard so he would for sure be the first one to fall in love

but he wants you to say it first because he knows sometimes he can move too quickly and he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable

the first time you say it changbin is just so happy

before you can even finish the sentence he’s already saying it back

“I love you-”

“I love you more.”

he never forgets an anniversary even if he is on tour

during one of their breaks he flew you out so you could celebrate together

he loves traveling with you

even if its just a road trip or the two of you randomly decide to spend the weekend at a hotel that's thirty minutes from your house

changbin definitely knows what he wants in life so the second he decides you are the one for him he starts planning how he wants to spend his life with you

he loves having serious conversations with you about the future

changbin loves when the two of you invite all the boys over for dinner and it turns into a fancy dinner party and he cant help but picture you doing this five or six years from now and you have kids and are throwing dinner parties like this on the weekends

you too throw a HUGE Christmas party every year

like inviting lots of staff from the company and a bunch of family and friends

so like one second you are talking to changbin’s sister and your mom then the next thing you know you are accidently bumping shoulders with fuckin BamBam from Got7 or Tzuyu from Twice and Jae is singing with Jisung in your living room

its like a huge fancy event that you and changbin throw at your place that you spend like a month planning for

everyone is dressed very nice and your house is spotless and flawlessly decorated with a brightly lit tree that you and changbin spent four hours decorating

by 9pm everyone is drunk on egg nog and opening presents from secret Santa

changbin also never lets a Christmas go by without kissing you under the mistletoe

the boys stay the night mostly because no one is sober enough to drag Jisung out of your house.

So Christmas morning is always spent with the boys

changbin always puts you first

he is really considerate and always considers how his decisions will affect you (unless he’s trying to pay for something)

all in all changbin would just be the best boyfriend

congrat reader you landed an angel

Masterlist

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worldwidemochiguy · 5 years

Text

Princess Peach (soft! yandere jungkook)

Summary: After Jungkook spends half the day ignoring you, he decides to make it up to you by teaching you how to play a game. But, once you win, what will be your prize? (hint: its jungkook’s undying love and affection like when i said this was soft I mean it’s sOMfT)

Word Count: 2.8K

Authors note: thank you to @kpopgirlbtssvt who requested a y!kookie who plays a video game with reader and the reader getting excited and kissing him when they win and then apologising before being pulled in for another kiss by jungkook. as i said before, this is V V soft and fluffy like there’s some mention of kidnapping and other stuff but like it’s barely there tbh. anyways, hope you enjoy!!!

masterlist :)

Your stomach rumbled again and you set your book aside with a sigh. You had been trying to focus on something- anything, other than your empty stomach for the past forty minutes but every method of distraction was proving to be ineffective. Normally, now was around the time Jungkook would give you lunch. He refused to let you go into the kitchen on your own on account of the ‘dangerously sharp cooking utensils’ and so insisted on making all your meals for you.

Jungkook was — to put it lightly — an atrocious cook. Your mouth watered at the thought of making yourself something that tasted good, or at least edible, but doing that would require an extended period of time with Jungkook watching your every move ‘to ensure your safety’. Though your feelings had, reluctantly, softened somewhat about him, you still weren’t exactly keen on spending more time with him than you strictly had to.

Which led you to your current predicament. You had not eaten since breakfast because Jungkook, instead of bestowing the usual amount of attention and adoration on you, had decided to lock himself in a room and not come out for several hours. You weren’t sure of what was in the room, or if Jungkook was even alive. You had knocked on the door and called his name as loudly as you dared, but there had been no reaction. You weren’t worried about him. You weren’t. And you certainly weren’t missing the attention he gave you normally. Of course not. You were just hungry.

So hungry that you returned to the door which stood in between you and Kook- Jungkook. You raised your knuckles hesitantly to the painted wood, rapping them against it three times and softly calling out his name.

No response.

You tried again.

Still no response.

Getting frustrated, you shouted his name, and even stomped your foot.

To be honest, you were kind of glad he didn’t come that time. If he saw you acting like a brat because he wasn’t paying attention to you, you probably would’ve leapt out the nearest window in embarrassment. Well, you would’ve if they weren’t barred. Again, it was something about ‘ensuring your safety, baby’. Jungkook was oddly fixated on your well-being, as you had realised over the past months.

Oh. You got an idea. You stumbled over your feet deliberately and loudly, and then fell to the floor, letting out an artificial moan of pain.

“Jungkook, help me! I’m hurt!”

You heard a loud crash in the room, before the door rattled obnoxiously. Obviously he was in too much of a rush to remember it was locked, but rather than unlock it, the door was practically wrenched off its hinges a second later to reveal Jungkook, wild-eyed and panting with exertion. You were almost worried he was going to run over you in his haste, but his eyes immediately fixated on you and he crouched down and yanked you into his arms, pressed so tight against him you could barely breathe.

A moment later, he pulled back to look at you, eyes running frantically over your every feature, searching for what was supposedly bringing you pain.

“Baby? Y/n? What’s wrong? What happened? Are you ok? Do you need to go to the hospital?” These questions were fired off so rapidly, you were pretty sure he didn’t even stop for breath. You shook your head repeatedly, unable to talk since he was currently running his thumbs over your mouth and pulling your lips back to check if any of your teeth were missing. You felt an odd flare of fondness in your chest before you smothered it ruthlessly.

“Stop!” You exclaimed as soon as his fingers were removed from your mouth, though they didn’t stray far, brushing against your cheekbones. “I’m ok! I’m fine!”

“But-” his brow wrinkled cutely- and no, he’s not cute, he literally kidnapped you a few months ago, “You said you were hurt? You yelled for me?” His tone had an upturn at the end, as if he was unsure.

“No, no I just…” you trailed off, and he tilted his head curiously, wide eyes somehow growing even bigger, which was also not cute, God y/n, get yourself together. “I just- I had knocked on the door several times and you didn’t answer. You- you haven’t been around all day…” his eyes became even wider, if that was possible, as his face stretched into a bunny grin which, ok, even you had to admit it was cute.

“So… you wanted my attention?”

“No!” You yelled, even as your cheeks flushed a deep red. Jungkook was properly grinning now, eyes swimming with amusement and you just could not stand it.

“Baby,” he started, his tone dripping with smug satisfaction, “If you wanted my attention, you could have just asked.”

“No I couldn’t!” You exploded, “I did ask for it several times but you didn’t listen! I’ve been waiting for hours!”

It was only after you had expelled the angry words that you realised what you had said. Your cheeks were now as flushed and furious as your shouts had been and Jungkook looked like his birthday and Christmas had just come at once. You already knew he found your anger adorable so you weren’t surprised when he tugged you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you tightly and tucking his head downwards to press his mouth against the crown of your forehead. You told yourself it didn’t feel nice to be so cherished by someone.

“Baby~” he cooed, and you wanted to die, “Daddy’s so sorry he hasn’t been looking after you enough. Can you find it in your heart to forgive him? Please?” You looked up to see his eyes were actually watering slightly in remorse, and you- You didn’t feel bad. At all. You had absolutely no reason to feel bad.

“It’s ok,” you muttered, “I wasn’t- it was fine. I’m just-” You let out a hushed sigh. “I was worried about you.” The last part slipped out without your permission, but you made sure it was as quiet as possible, murmured into the shoulder of his black sweater, and you prayed to every deity in existence that he didn’t hear it.

“You…” his voice wavered slightly, Fuck, “You were worried about me?” He seriously sounded like he was going to cry. Was he going to cry? You looked up to see him gazing at you with the most adoring expression you had ever seen. You tucked your face back into his chest to hide your newly-blushing cheeks.

“No,” you mumbled into the fabric, and his laughter warmed you to your core, no matter how hard you tried to freeze him out.

“Ok, well, I’m sorry, baby. I promise I won’t ever leave you alone like that again. I don’t even know how I did it, I guess I was just distracted.”

“What were you even doing?” You asked, and then stiffened. Maybe it’s not the best idea to question the guy who kidnapped you. But he didn’t get mad.

“I was gaming.” He explained in a patient tone.

“Gaming?” You sit up to look at the room, now exposed due to the door Jungkook had ripped off its hinges in order to get to you. It was dark, illuminated by the TV mounted on the wall which showed an animation of snowy mountains and what looked like a horses’ head pointing up from the bottom of the screen, positioned in a way to make it seem like you were the one riding the animal.

“Yeah, it’s one of my hobbies.”

“Oh,” you said, unsure of how to reply. “W-What game is that?”

“It’s called Red Dead Redemption.” Jungkook told you, “Would you like to play it?”

“Oh, no thanks.” You shook your head at him, eyes wide. “It sounds like a violent game, so… I’d rather not, if that’s ok with you.” He smiled, as if bemused by your words, and stands up, pulling you up as well.

“You don’t have to play that game, I have many.” As he spoke, he walked backwards into the room, drawing you along with him by your hands. You liked holding hands with him more than you would care to admit.

“What games do you have, then?”

“Well,” he started off, as if preparing to rattle off a billion different games and honestly, it wouldn’t surprise you if he did. “I have Overwatch, Skyrim,” he leant down to look at the stacks of cases he had on the TV cradle, reading off the spines of the cases, “…Mario-Kart-”

“Yes!” You burst out, “I want to play that one. Can I play that one?” He chuckled, then nodded, picking out the case and opening it,

“Of course you can, baby. Have you played it before?” You shook your head regretfully and he laughed again.

“My friend had it, but she never let me play. I always had to just watch her play it. She was a bitch.” You pouted, and he snorted.

“How long ago was this, exactly?”

“I was seven.”

“And you still remember?”

“It’s not the kind of thing you forget, Jungkook.”

Five minutes later, once Jungkook had finally stopped laughing, the game was all set up and you were picking your avatar. For some reason, you had expected Jungkook to leave once he had put the game on, as you knew he wasn’t patient enough to just watch you play, but instead, he sat down next to you, leaving almost no distance between the two of you and causing your traitorous heart to gallop faster than you were going to be able to drive in Mario Kart. You were kind of worried, you didn’t want him to think you were inept or something.

“Ok, so now you’re meant to pick what to drive as.” Jungkook explained and you scowled slightly.

“I know that.”

“Ah,” he smiled, the edges of his lips curling into that smirk that you couldn’t look directly at, “Don’t get bratty, Princess. You asked for my help, remember?” You did not deign to answer that question, but it was mostly because you were unsure how steady your voice would sound after he called you ‘Princess’.

“So, who’re you going to choose?” He asked, before raising an amused eyebrow and turning to you, shortening the precious distance between you even more, “Princess Peach?”

“…No.”

You were going to choose Princess Peach, but obviously now you would rather die than prove the smug bastard right.

“What are you going to pick then?”

“…Not Princess Peach.” Jungkook huffed a laugh, before leaning in even closer to you. You could feel his warm breath brush against your cheek as he came to a pause right in front of you. His expression practically dared you to say something, to react, but you kept perfectly still as he reached over and plucked your controller from your hands.

He selected Princess Peach.

The first game was… bad. There was no other way to put it. You came in 8th out of 8. Jungkook didn’t even try and pretend he wasn’t laughing at you as you went off the tracks again and again, at one point you even started driving in the opposite direction. That was probably when Jungkook tried to drink and then accidentally snorted the banana milk up his nose so hard he couldn’t breathe. After you achieved three more last-places, he seemed to eventually recover from his laughter-induced lactose attack.

“Let me help you.” His voice was low, and smooth, and you know you should have said no, but you couldn’t form the word. He reached one arm around your torso, bending round to put his hand atop yours on the controller, and then sidled up even closer to you so that his other hand was on top of your other hand. It was like some kind of awkward side hug. You voiced this complaint, and without further ado, Jungkook simply lifted you into his lap so that both his arms were wrapped around you, coming to rest on the controller that you were now holding with white knuckles. You weren’t sure whether the squeak you emitted was due to plain surprise, or shock that he could lift you that easily, or just sitting in his lap, but it made you flush deeply all the same. Jungkook said nothing, but you could practically feel his smirk.

“You’ve just got to relax.” Jungkook purred in your ear, and you found the tension in your body leaking away, obedient to his command. “Good girl.” You whimpered slightly, and you definitely felt his smirk that time.

“Don’t panic when the race starts, just keep your cool, and focus.” His advice made you determined to prove yourself — not to him, of course. You didn’t care what he thought. At all.

The race started and Jungkook pressed his thumb down on top of yours, pushing the button and somehow you were in first place. You felt the excitement bubble within you but you didn’t let that distract you, allowing Jungkook’s warm breath on the back of your neck calm you and centre you in a way you were surprised it was able to. As you reached the final lap of the race, Junkook was barely playing, just letting you take control to cross the finish line. And you did.

You won! You couldn’t believe it! Before you could even stop to think, you turned around in Jungkook’s lap so you were straddling him. From there, it was only natural to lean in and press your lips to his. You distantly registered that you were kissing Jungkook, then the realisation became a lot less distant when it was joined with the fact that Jungkook was not kissing you back. He had almost frozen, and regret bursted as a sharp and bitter flavour on your tongue, replacing the delicious taste of him immediately.

You pulled yourself off him, and you would’ve fallen to the floor if you weren’t being held around the waist.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered, and then again, louder, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I- I’m sorry,” you repeated it over and over, trying with increasing desperation to get away from him and back to your room where you planned to be screaming into a pillow for the next millennia. But you couldn’t get away.

“I’m sorry, just- what-” You looked down to see the reason why you couldn’t get away: Jungkook’s arms were locked around your waist, holding you tightly. As you looked down at them, they tightened quickly causing you to pitch forwards into his chest. You looked up again.

His face had morphed from the expression of shock into the widest, brightest, most devastating bunny-smile you had ever seen him wear.

“I- huh?” You stuttered, feeling more confused than you had ever felt in your life. His smile sweetened slightly as he leaned in to bump your forehead with his.

“Do you know how long I have been waiting to kiss you, baby?” His eyes were on you, as if expecting an answer, so you shook your head dumbly in response. He screwed his eyes shut, as if almost in pain, and you felt the irrational urge to soothe him swell within you.

“So long, baby. Too long.” He opened his eyes again to peer at you, “And now you say sorry for kissing me? Never say that again, Princess.”

“I-” It was difficult to speak, your lips were tingling what with all this talk about kisses, and you really weren’t sure where Jungkook was going with this. “I just- you didn’t kiss me back.”

“Baby,” started Jungkook, his voice dripping with sincerity, “Do you really expect me to be able to focus on moving my lips when I am experiencing a life-changing moment?” You giggled slightly, and he laughed with you, reaching up to cup your face in his hands.

“I have been wanting to kiss you since the day I saw you, and for a long time, I thought… Well, I thought it would take you much longer to like me. I just wasn’t prepared for it, that’s all.” His sweet smile bolstered your confidence, and you found yourself saying,

“So, if I were to… kiss you now, you would respond this time?”

Jungkook’s grin turned deadly.

“I guess you’ll have to try it out and see.”

#bts #yandere bts #yandere bangtan #Yandere BTS x reader #yandere jungkook #yandere jungkook x reader #jungkook #bts jungkook #bts Jungkook x reader #bts Jungkook imagines #bts imagines #bts fanfiction #bts fic #bts fanfic #soft yandere jungkook

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nat-roman0ff · 5 years

Text

i think we’re okay

---

a city-wide power outage leaves you and shawn stranded at home trying to stay cool, and leads to an uncomfortable conversation about your future together.

wc: 2,945

warnings: f-bombs, sweat, & the word moist

---

When you wake up, it’s like, unbearably hot.

You can feel the cotton of Shawn’s shirt that you wore to bed clinging to your clammy skin. The sheets below you are damp with sweat. You’re overwhelmed by a heaviness in the air. Shawn’s snoozing form is next to you, cheek pressed into the pillow, mouth slightly agape and blissfully unaware of just how fucking hot it is in your shared bedroom.

“Shawn!” You groan, pushing on your boyfriend’s shoulder, “I think the aircon shit the bed last night. It’s like a billion degrees in here.”

Shawn lets out a struggled moan and buries his full face until the pillow, “I’ll check it in a minute.”

You (quite literally) peel off the sheet that covered you. Shawn had pushed his all off and it bunched in between the two of your, creating a barrier. You smack his boxer clad bum with your palm, “do it now please!”

He turns his head to face you, “so demanding,” he grumbles, pulling himself out of bed. You notice a thin layer of sweat across his back. He makes a face and shakes his sticky arms out, “we’re fucked if it’s out.”

You grab a hairtie from the nightstand and pull your hair up into a sloppy bun at the top of your head. It was an instant relief to have it off the back of your sticky neck. A single swipe of your hand wipes away some sweat and your damp baby hairs stick to your skin.

Shawn re-enters the room within just a few seconds, “bad news, babe.”

You raise an eyebrow.

“It’s not just the aircon,” he starts, rocking on his heels, “the whole power is out. Checked the hallway outside too and only the emergency lights are on. It must be the whole building.”

You clamor from the bed to the large window that faces the CN Tower and the city.

Everything was dark.

You rush back to the bed and grab your phone off the night stand. A quick check on the news reveals that the entire city is without power.

“A blackout?” Shawn scoffs, “Is that even possible in this day and age?”

You shrug, “it would appear so.”

He flops back onto the bed, “what percentage is your phone at?” He asks, scrolling.

“Ninty-seven percent, you?”

Shawn drops his phone to the bed, “eight, we’re fucked.”

You roll your eyes, “I’m sure it’ll be back on soon, relax.”

There’s a pool of sweat at the small of your back and you shift uncomfortably against the dampened sheets.

“We’re going to fucking die,” Shawn states wiping his forehead.

You roll off the bed, walking to the balcony door in your bedroom, “Shawn it can’t be that bad. Let’s open the door and get some fresh air in here.”

He smirks, “go for it, Princess.”

You’re met with immediate Hell fire, “oh my God. Satan called, he wants his weather back.”

You scramble to shut the door, silently cursing Shawn for never getting curtains or blinds for the condo. The blaring sunlight burns your skin even through the glass.It wasn’t just bad enough that the power was out, the city of Toronto was now going through record high temperatures that had never been seen before. That, on top of high humidity made the outdoors quite literally intolerable.

“What do we do now?” You ask, your skin wildly uncomfortable.

Shawn smirks, “I think I’ve got an idea.”

He lunges at you, picking you up from behind and tossing you onto the bed. Before you have a chance to protest, he’s got you pinned under him, both hands holding your wrists above your head and locking you in place. Shawn immediately attacks your neck, kissing and nipping at your burning skin.

It’s all fine and good, until you feel a certain...wetness. And not the good kind.

“Shawn!” He stops dead in his tracks.

“What?!” He questions, freeing your hands.

You wipe the bead of sweat that’s fallen from his temples onto your chest, “you’re sweating on me.”

He rolls off and back to his side of the bed. You swipe a finger up his bicep, his skin slick, “shit, you’re so wet.”

Shawn scrunches his face, “aren’t I the one that’s supposed to be saying that?”

You slap his arm.

He lets out a breathy laugh and looks toward the ceiling. This week was supposed to be just the two of you. Amazingly, Shawn had managed a week off between legs on his North American tour and came home to spend some time with you. He’d been home four days, and you both had barely left the bedroom long enough to eat a meal a day.

It wasn’t necessarily a new relationship. You’d been dating for well over a year, and been friends even longer. Shawn liked to keep your relationship private, though. He didn’t talk about you in interviews or share photos of the two of you online. He kept you all to himself. Most days it was fine, and you stayed within the bubble of his condo, or going out in groups so fans wouldn’t get suspicious. But it was starting to get tiring. Not that you wanted to scream it from the rooftops, by any means, that amount of attention was not something you were equipt for. You were just sick and tired of feeling like Shawn’s dirty little secret.

“Where do you think the coolest place is in here?” He asks.

You purse your lips in thought, “the bathroom floor maybe?”

Shawn sits up, fluffing his hair, “grab a pillow, we’re moving to the bathroom.”

While the bathroom floor is quite cool, it’s also very hard. It puts strain on your lower back, but the cool relief against your skin is much welcomed. Shawn plays with your hand, letting his fingers lace between yours as he brings it to his lips to press a kiss into the back of your fingers.

“Although this really fucking sucks, I’m glad to be home with you.” He mumbles against your skin.

You kiss his shoulder, “me too, but I think I need less clothes.”

You stand and Shawn watches, locking his fingers and placing them behind his head to enjoy the view. You carefully lift up the oversized shirt until it’s just below your breasts, then turn away from him to lift it over your head.

“Fuckin’ tease,” he mutters, poking your ankle with his foot.

You give him a cheeky flash before going back to the bedroom to throw on a bralette. The pajama shorts you’re wearing come off too, leaving you in just the lacy cloth and a mismatched pair of underwear.

Shawn’s moved to a different part of the floor when you return, bringing your pillow with him, “found another cold spot,” he pats the tile beside him, “I also much prefer this outfit,” he stares with wide eyes.

“Pervert,” you retort, making sure to put a little extra bend in when you sit back down on the ground.

You don’t lay down just yet, letting your back stretch for a moment. Shawn reaches up and holds your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “I miss you.”

“I’m right here, dummy.”

He rolls his eyes, “you know what I mean.”

You know where this is going.

“Can’t you take some time off of school? Just the first semester. Finish out this tour with me,” he pulls you down to kiss him, “please.”

It takes all you can to say it, “no, Shawn.”

His hand drops, “fine. But one day I’ll get you to agree to it.”

A chill rolls up your spine when your skin makes contact with the fresh coolness, “dream on.”

Shawn presses his lips into your shoulder and leaves them there for a second before playfully nipping at your skin. The same argument always came up; travel with me, tour with me, come to this grand beautiful place with me. But it was the same response every time. It was hard, really, being away from him but you knew going into this relationship that you needed to still keep your sense of self, your goals, your dreams, and not just become the live in girlfriend of uber pop star Shawn Mendes.

That wasn’t the Shawn you knew and loved. Yes, you were always proud of his accomplishments and everything he’d done but that wasn’t the reason you were with him. You loved him for the moments like now: normal, at home. You were the last piece of his life that he’d been able to keep private and you adored that. Some days he begged, fucking pleaded with you to post a cute selfie with you, or a candid he’d caught on your morning coffee run. Just so someone besides you and close family and friends knew. But like traveling, the answer was always the same:

No.

“We should take a vacation,” Shawn mutters into your skin, “somewhere where the water is so clear you can see the bottom of the ocean. Somewhere where it’s just you and me for a bit. No distractions.”

“Oh yeah?” You lull your head over to face him, poking his nose, “and between which world tour or event do you suggest we take that trip?”

You guess you didn’t mean it to sound as harshly as it did, but Shawn sits up and scoffs, “you know, I’m really sick of you making me feel like I have to choose between you and my career. It’s not like any of this was a secret when you got together.”

“No, I’m the only secret here,” you quip, and you suppose its the heat that’s making you careless and brave.

Shawn just shakes his head and stands, leaving you alone on the bathroom floor. You hear the bedroom door slam shut and the squeak of your shared king sized mattress. Drama queen.

You give him a solid ten minutes before you decide to get up off the floor and go to the bedroom. You knock once and let yourself in. Shawn’s laying on the bed, his hands folded across his stomach, staring at the ceiling.

“Hey,” you poke his side, “I’m sorry for being such a bitch.”

He doesn’t look at you, “can’t apologize for what you are.”

Ouch.

You cuddle up next to him and he doesn’t dare move, but you can feel the muscles in his stomach constrict when you touch him, so that means he’s not completely pissed at you.

“I’m just scared, I think,” you start, Shawn still not flinching, “scared of people judging me because I’m a nothing nobody and you’re you. Scared that I’m going to get ripped apart by thousands of strangers who don’t know me or us. Scared that the media is going to make up stories about me and you. Scared to lose you -”

“That’s not going to happen,” Shawn cuts you off.

He finally looks at you, and his eyes are wet and he keeps swallowing something down.

“Which part?” You ask.

“All of it,” he chokes, reaching his arm around you to pull your body closer to his, “I love you so much sometimes I feel like I can’t take it anymore. Some days I wake up and feel like I’d drop everything just to be with you all the time and that’s the most terrifying thing I think that could ever happen to me. I never thought there’d be a day where I loved something more than what I do.”

“Shawn,” you sigh, “I’m not asking you to give up your career. That’s ridiculous. I just don’t want to only ever be known as that girl dating Shawn Mendes.”

His head drops to your chest and you thread your fingers through his hair. It’s wet from sweat but you don’t really care at this point.

“You should check Instagram,” he groans, “either you’re going to love me or hate me.”

You freeze, “Shawn-”

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t look up. Your heart pounds in your chest as you push him off of you to grab your phone, “Shawn what the fuck did you do?”

You open your phone and pull up Instagram. It’s the first post to pop up on your feed. It’s already gotten seven hundred thousand likes.

It’s a picture of the two of you from earlier this summer. You were at a picnic at his parents house. His mom had caught the two of you in an intimate moment and snapped the photo. You were on his lap, his arms wrapped around you. His face was held in your hands as you went in for a kiss, the smile on his face big and wide.

“You had no right -”

“Read the caption,” he cuts you off, then stands and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

Your fingers shake as you scroll through:

Life is funny sometimes. And not in a way where like you watch your best friend get hit in the balls or something. It’s funny in a way that takes your life, and all the things you thought were the most special and the most important and introduces you to someone who makes those things seem so small and insignificant without their love. This is my girlfriend, by the way. We just celebrated our first year anniversary two months ago. She wasn’t with me because I was in Europe on tour and she was home, working her ass off in University. It’s been her request that we keep ourselves quiet from the world, and I’m pretty sure she’s going to kick my ass when she sees this in about five minutes but I don’t care.

Babe, I love you, and I never want you to be my secret. I want the world to know that I love you, and I know if the world got to know you a little more, they’d love you too. They’ll see all of your best qualities (and even love your worst, just like I do). They’ll see all the beautiful, fantastic things that I see in you. And if anyone has anything other than that to say? Fuck them. Because at the end of the day, you’re what’s most important to me right now, in these moments. And I wouldn’t trade them or you for anything else in the world.

Your hand covers your mouth and you choke back a little cry. Shawn isn’t one for many words, despite being a songwriter, he can just never seen to get it all out in a cohesive manner. You keep refreshing the page as the likes add up, and the comments section explodes with congratulations messages. You don’t dare to look beyond into the depths of them. You can only imagine the disgusting things that are being said.

Slowly, you felt the anger towards Shawn start to disintegrate. Yes, you were pissed he didn’t ask permission, and it was definitely going to be a discussion you had, that’s for sure. But it was the words written underneath that photo that you were focused on.

You made your way out of the bedroom to find Shawn sitting on the living room floor, “I didn’t want to get sweat prints on the couch,” he makes a face and wipes around his hairline, “I’m...moist.”

You groan, “first of all, don’t ever fucking say that word in my prescince ever again,” you take a step closer, “second of all, I love you.”

Shawn smiles wide and reaches his arms out to make grabby hands for you. You accept, despite the obnoxious heat and sit on his lap.

“I love you too. You’re melting on me,” he chuckles while his lips ghost your below your ear.

You play with the damp hair at the nape of his neck, “we’re going to talk about you posting that without my consent later, but I’m too hot to argue about anything else. I don’t like being mad at you.”

Shawn kisses your neck, “I don’t like being mad at you either,” he replies, squeezing his arms tighter around you, “this is all new for me, I’ve got to learn to talk to you about stuff that bothers me instead of just getting snippy like that. It’s not fair.”

“And I should be more understanding about your career,” you twist his curls mindlessly as you speak, his lips peppering your skin “it’s not a normal job you can choose to take time off of. There’s contracts and expectations. I know that it’s going to have to come first most of the time and I’m fine with that.”

Shawn stops to hold your face, his giant palm covering your cheek, “I love you.”

You roll your eyes, “you’ve already said that.”

“Well I’m saying it again,” he laughs before planting a kiss on your lips.

There’s a loud beep that snaps the two of you out of it. You can see the time on the stove blinking, and hear the soft whoosh of the aircon turning back on. You’re met with the instant relief of cool air from the duct above you.

“Oh my god, yes,” you moan leaning slightly back to take in all the feeling of the cold air.

Shawn scoffs, “damn I can barely get you to sound like that half the time.”

You stand and hum, “better get to working on it then.”

His hand is still held in yours and you step away to get him to follow but he tugs back on you gently, “Hey,” he starts, his voice serious, “are we okay?”

You smile and kiss the back of his hand, “I think we’re okay.”

---

hi hi! i’m loving posting these oneshots/blurbs for you guys. thank you SO much for all the love on a lession in shakesbeer. over 600 notes R U JOKING??? amazing. i love everyone and this community so so much. i hope y’all liked this one just the same!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes oneshot #shawn mendes imagine

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years

Text

|CHALLENGE| M| 1|

SMUT/ANGST/HUMOR-ISH

**SUGAR DADDY AU WITH A SLIGHT TWIST***

CEO HOSEOK X MATCHMAKER OC

Hoseoks’s kinda an entitled little shit

The OC is sassy AF...his mother would hate her..so she’s perfect!

He’s also smooth,and fine AF and he knows it...but so is she!

There’s not much of an age difference there both in there mid-late 20’s

Hoseok is first-generation Korean Amerian BTW New York-born and raised

Jimin is Hoseok’s assistant so he will pop in and out of this

ABOUT- Hoseok is currently CEO of “Diamond Supply” a company within “Carbon Black INC“ which is a multi BILLION dollar company founded by Hoseok’s family and four others! The current CEO is Hoshi, which is not Hoseok’s father he’s actually the VP. Hoshi,doesn't have children and he needs to step down from his position. So over the next 6 months, there will be almost like an election period if you will, and the13 board members within the company will be tracking all four of the candidate's business and social stats with a fine-tooth comb. Prior to voting the next heir into his position as CEO of “Carbon Black Inc”!

That’s where Y/N comes in ...Hoseok has everything working in his favor expect the” Imagine” or at least the type that would appease there more “traditional” investors and board members. Y/N who works as a recruiter for Y.G.K. was initially hired to find him a “Sugar Baby” ! Someone to stand by his side and look pretty for the next 6 months to give him a more.”Settled down” image….Initially, that was the plan…..

WARNINGS: There’s just a lot of teasing and sexual tension in this one, light daddy kink reference, Hoseok is a whole dom, it’s so clear there fucking next chapter lol….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jimins Face alone already had you ready to barge in there before you wasted anymore of you clients time! Damn near throwing the phone at you , not even bothering to say hello in the process! You still couldn’t understand what the issue was, honestly, this was one of the simplest charts you’ve ever had, besides how obnoxiously specific the physical traits were ! It was 80% superficial, personality wise they didn't ask for much! Just Someone who could take direction well,non-confrontational...submissive is actually what they noted ! Essentially a woman to say yes sir with no questions asked ,damn near wanting a puppet you could feed a script to! That’s exactly who she was ...basically a pretty cockatoo so why isn't this working?!

Yes, yes you were eavesdropping on your clients “Interview”, and you had no shame,actually, this was Jimin’s idea he was just as annoyed by this shit as you where, the two of you had been going back and forth for damn near a month now! Practically besties at this point! Ariel, the girl currently sitting in Hoseok Jung’s office would be your fourth recruit. He’s rejected three! THREE! You've never had this happen...EVER..and you just can’t wrap your head around it, initially you thought he’d be your easiest client to place. He’s younger than most, richer than most..and more importantly finer than most, whoever landed this job wouldn't have to fake a damn thing! Yet, none of your picks worked..the last girl lasted 12 days...if the bitch would've just made it 2 more you would've gotten your bonus! Which meant you could have finally walked out of YSL, with your new crossbody you've been eyeing for the past 2 months!

But no such luck, so here you were, sitting next to Jimin, eavesdropping praying for the best, honestly, things where going well..for all of, oh I don't know 5 minutes “Did she really just say her favorite Korean dish was sushi!?” Jimin’s eyes cut in your direction and you literally can’t even at this point. Placing your index and middle finger around the bridge of your nose because suddenly you had the worst headache of your life! “Lodrt”

“Oh fuck meeeee” Whined from your lips in nothing but defeat, she couldn’t handle him if her life depended on it! Hoseok was far too quick, witty,sarcastic, charming from what you could tell, he didn't seem rude but you could tell he was very..intellectual...she wasn’t. She was young, nothing but arm candy, and he was eating her alive! Dropping your head down on the desk with a long sigh..already giving up, the feeling of Jimin’s hand soothing your shoulder as if he already knew...she was done! Back to the drawing board for the fifth time!

It wasn’t even a full 10 second before you heard his door creek open, insitally shuffling behind a filing cabinet, as you didnt want to hurt her pride by letting her no you came! I mean, technically it’s not her fault, you don’t want your girls to fake something there not, the reason you get such high reviews is one of your main focus..outside of the aesthetic is the genuine compatibility! Clearly she and the other 3 girls didn't have it, but why couldn’t you read that prior to sending them? This is what you got paid to do, and your typically damn good at it, why wasn’t his chart giving you what you needed to properly satisfy him!?

“Fuck it…” Ripped from your throat as you sauntered into his office once you observed her step into the elevator, Jimin didn't even attempt to stop you. A smug smirk tugging on the corner of his lips as he awaited the results..the glint in his eyes indicating he already knew how this would play out! “Hoseok! We need to talk!” Blurted from your lips as you welcomed yourself into his office, as if you’ve known him for years, closing the door behind you, tossing your bag on his chasie. Hoseok didn't speak initially instead he just took his time,taking you in from head to toe, somewhat impressed actually. It’s not every day someone just barges into his office as if they own the place..now the real question is..who the hell are you?!

There was suddenly a look of nothing but pure mischief dancing along Hoseok's face as he observed you, only you were far too focused on your little spiel running through your head at the moment to notice! Swaying in his direction, in your oversized black blazer that you were currently wearing as a dress. Legs on full display as a pair of black strappy Giuseppe heels laced your feet, just enough cleavage peeking between the lapels to have him curious! Big vintage Chanel earrings dangle from your ears as you welcomed yourself to take a seat in front of his desk.The sweet, yet slightly husky scent of your perfume grace his nose, delicately crossing your legs, reclining into your seat.

“I’m sorry, would you prefer I call you Mr.Jung instead?” Cocking your head to the side slightly, the warm somewhat inviting tenor more than evident in our voice as you batted your lashes in his direction!, Still well aware of the power you possess in a situation like this and you weren’t afraid to use it in your favor! Hoseok was intrigued it didn't matter if it was solely physical, you had his undivided attention... and you planned to spend it wisely!

A low chuckle rumpled in his chest as he took his own set, dusting his fingers through his dark mane of hair, that sat tousled on top of his head. Hoseok, had a slight undercut, which was lined to perfection..the top long enough where if he parted it to the middle you almost wouldn't know how nicely his sides where faded. The outline of his sideburns framed his disgustingly chiseled jaw to the Tee! A couple not so modest diamonds dusted his ears, fanning against his caramelized complexion. A burgundy paisley dress shirt, laid along his skin caressing every muscle on his body perfectly. Lips naturally pouty, forming almost a heart at their peak, sitting at the perfect shade of pink!

“Hoseok, Mr.Jung is my father...and you are?” Brow quirked in curiosity, the base in his voice catching you off guard, so was his avid eye contact… but you were smoother than that, this wasn’t your first rodeo!

“I’m Y/N...the recruiter for Y.G.K-”

There was a dry scoff that left his lips at that, nothing subtle about the current disposition he had towards you and to be fair you couldn't blame him so you bit your tongue! “ I stopped in to see what the issue was, I've never had to place more than one girl...ever! Yet with you...she was my fourth..I just needed to see for myself where the disconnect was coming from…”

A low hum leaving his lips at that, appearing almost amused as he reclined in his seat “And? Are you just here to waste more of my time or are you actually going to tell me what the issue is?” Flailing his hand in the air as if he’s already lost all patience for this conversation. The bite more than evident in his voice,clearly Hoseok’s a grade A smartass but again,in this situation you understood. So inteased of getting an attitude you took a deep breath..and answered the question nevertheless.

“Your charts the problem which is essentially my lifeline! I overheard part of the conversation with Ariel and your nothing like your stats, I'm assuming that’s probably your CEO persona... but not the person you are behind closed doors. Which doesn't help me because my goal is to match you with someone who can handle the real you!”

The low hum that fell from his lips almost had you hopeful, feeling as if he was starting to ease up a little and actually hear you out. You really where damn good at your job in this instance you were just fed bad information! “Hmm, I'm glad it took all of a month for us to realize this but yes, I agree with the fact that my “chart” as you like to call it was clearly total bullshit, and a waste of my time. You would have done better calling me instead of whatever generic Buzzfeed esque pick your match quiz you had us submit!”

God he’s really, really, testing every negative ounce of patience running through your body, you could literally feel your jaw twitching “I wouldn’t say the questionnaire is the issue..more so the way it was filled out. It’s meant to be a tool to work in your favor, but you have to make it work” Pausing to lock your eyes with his, yet you knew what you were doing, you gaze was taunting, not angry, playfully challenging him at this point. “I’m not here to argue, I'm here to sasifty…. so let me fix this.. I know your deal came with a specific deadline, If I’m not mistaken, we still have about a week left, that’s more than enough time for me to find you what you actually need!”

An almost offensively loud groan left his lips at that, eyes rolling to the back of his head, the blatant disrespect had your nose scrunching into your face, brows furrowed “Excuse me? What do you mean “Mmmm”!? I told you-” Now you were losing your patience..he’s officially pushed all of 2 of your buttons,and it took everything in you not to call him out of his name at this point! How dare he not take some accountability for the lack of effort he put into his personality chart even when you emphasize how important it is! Is he aware how much of YOUR times he;s wasted? The fact that you could’ve had these girls secured with other clients instead of also wasting there time!? No because all his spoiled ass can think about his himself!

“Where the hell do you get off getting an attitude with me Y/N? None of this is my fault, I hired you because I didn't want to be involved,I have enough on my plate! We've been through damn near 20 pretty faces and-”

“Four! Hoseok, four!” The base suddenly hit your throat, you were starting to get defensive voice elevating ever so slightly “And again, did we not just establish that you, or your assistant or WHOEVER, screwed up your chart to begin with!? So how the hell-’

“Ohh so now we're playing the blame game? Reallll mature....Great save , oh I fucked up so let me blame my client, great customer service with that one!” The chuckle that left is throat was meant to sound taunting and it really fucking worked!

“It’s not the blame game, I’m just asking for a second chance to actually help you, you spoilt asshole! You just sat here and admitted you chart was total bullshit!” Abruptly rising from your chair, eyes narrowing in his direction, a second away from completely losing your shit before you caught yourself! Yet, oddly enough so far he didn't even seem remotely fazed by your current disposition!

“I have every right to be an asshole right now Y/N why the hell should I even trust you?! You knew going into this that ...we had a damn deadline and now we're damn near grazing it with the tip of our tongues…with zero results!” Now it was Hosoeks turn to loose his composure,voice dropping what felt like an entire octave suddenly rough and gritty the more he spoke. Which was actually really sexy but ...we’re going to try and ignore that for the time being!

“What about that would make me want to even consider giving you another chance? Am I missing the part where you actually did what you were hired to do orrrr??”

“Oh for fucks sake, that's not my damn fault!” Yup, and there it goes again, all your self control ...Unintentionally stomping your foot against the floor as if you were almost having a temper tantrum.

“Awww, is baby whining now? Hmm? Is that your new tactic to try and get your way with me? ” Brow quirked in amusement, God you wanted to smack that smirk off his face. His tone was nothing short of condescending, though you found yourself more pissed at how good “Baby” sounds rolling off his tongue! Regardless of the context

“No I’m bitching which clearly you know a lot about since that’s all you've been doing since I got in here!!!” There was a sudden pause,a long one it was almost nauseating and it had you questioning if you'd finally crossed a line by saying that. You couldn't read the expression on his face right now, and that kinda scared you, so instead of just sitting in silence...

“ I place people based on the information I’m given, clearly we've never met so maybe if you actually put what you actually wanted we wouldn't have this damn issue to begin with! I gave you shallow and passive because that’s what you chart said you wanted.” Everything that radiated off your body was mounds calmer at this point, tone slightly tranquil “Your running out of time, and you need my help, I’m sorry we got off to a rocky start okay? Just... ...let.Me.Do.My.Job…”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do this entire time, do you think I want to sit here and play “ Are you smarter than a fifth grader” with these recruits? ! I didn't want to deal with this shit!I don't have time to deal with this shit!” Throwing his solid gold pen across the desk, sliding back in his seat to hastily ruffle his fingers through his hair. To be honest it wasn’t Hoseok’s intentions to keep bantering back and forth like this, he was just stressed! He didn’t want to go this route to begin with so it’s not helping that it’s not flowing smoothly!

“Great so it’s settled, you give me 48 hours and I'll find you perfect counterpart” Instantly turning around to head for your bag and see yourself out before the two of you were at each other's throats again.

“No.”

Stopping dead in your tracks, whipping your neck around so fast it almost looked painful!

“What do you mean no!?” Why, why won’t he just let this go!?

“N.O. You CAN help but in a different way….” Rising from his seat slowly pouring himself a glass of Scotch which he inhaled before it even fully settled at the bottom of the glass.

Brow arched in annoyance and curiosity

“Clearly when this is left in your hands I get malibu barbie with an I.Q of negative six...so let me pick….”

“I- fuck, whatever, fine, I’ll send you my roster and-” Fine sure, why not...if that kept him happy and had you signing a contract and hopefully reciving your bouns for landing him a susscessful recruit then sure! Pick all damn day Hoseok!

“I don't’ need it…”

“What?! I thought you wanted to pick?”

“ I don’t want your damn roster, if you care so much about redeeming yourself and actually doing what I paid you to do...then give me your best player…”

“That was my plan but you just said you didn't want me to pick.” Geunilly confused at this point, the slight attitude wasn’t even intentional.

“You can, as long as we're on the same page..”

“Which is what Hoseok? What?” Mentally exhausted was an understatement, if your pride wasn’t in the way you’d just leave...

“You.” The word left his lips so calmly it almost went over your head!

“If you want the deal then the Y.G.K. recruit I want is you...or theres no deal…I don’t have time for these rookies you keep sending my way” You screamed everything his mother would hate and he fucking loved it, it also didin’t hurt that you were fun to look at. You had one hell of a backbone, your whitty, determined,sassy ...everything he would've put on his chart if he actually made it himself! You haven’t taken your foot off his throat since you’ve walked in, Hosoek was always one for a good challenge, makes the word “Daddy” sound even better when it rolls off your tongue!

“What!? I’m not even up for hire, I’m a recruiter Hoseok, not a damn sugar baby! You can’t just snap your fingers and think I’m hired” Arms crossed tight against your chest, though...the idea was far more tempting than you let on you’ve damn sure missed this.

“No disrespect, but for you to be a recruiter..that probably means you’d have to have some prior experience right? “ Brow quirked at the implied question that he already knew the answer to “I don’t care how rich someone is...there not just buying Snakeskin Hermes bags for any “average” woman now are they?!”Tone blatantly challenging you as his head flicked over to your bag that set on the leather chaise diagonal from him.

“Trust me baby, it didn't go over my head the way you finessed your way in here like you owned the place , you know what you have working for you and your damn good at using it in your favor! I’m not here to judge, I finesse millions out of people all damn day...weather it be with my skill or my charm, either way, I'm closing deals and that’s all that matters!” I wonder if Hoseok could also tell how weak your knees were getting the more he called you “Baby”! More importantly how caught off guard you were for him calling you out on your shit!

“I’m retired…” Fell from your lips, it was all you could think of your mind was frazzled right now, but it was a true statement, you had not been on that side of the fence in almost 2 years!

“Yeah and so was Jay Z and yet we got a good 4 albums and a tour after that so what’s your point!?”

“My point-”

“Name your price.”

“Excuse-”

“Your.Price.Y/N...Name.it...Tell daddy what you want” Smug, nothing but smug, Hoseok didn't even try to be discreet, he was living for his!

“$150K signing bonus off rip…” Thatta girl! Hosoek had you tripping over yourself for a moment, but the minute he said that he flipped a switch!

You didin’t even know where that number came from..it was just like your body reacted on autopilot...he may be a total entitled smartass..but your not a damn fool. He’s right you got that bag because you are good at what you do, these sugardaddie’s aren't the only ones who know how to work there magic and get what they want. Your charm was deadly when need be, it takes a special kinda persona to finaness the “system” the way you do...or did I guess I should say! He wanted a price well...there ya go!

The smirk that danced up his face was just as sexy as it was offensive “Right, so essentially what I just made on this deal I signed off on?” Cocking his head to the side slightly, tongue playing at the corner of his mouth “Done.” He was so nonchalant about this it was almost comical, you would have sworn you asked for a Big Mac or something! Tossing the contract aside as if it didn't mean shit, because it didn't you knew Hoseok's net worth!

“I- you...what!? ” Did he really just agree that fast!? After you just yelled at him, and cussed him out!?

Clearly he found your state of shock amusing a gritty chuckle rumbling in his chest as he poured himself another drink. “Don’t act surprised, you know you aren’t used to hearing the word no, which I can appreciate because neither am I!”

“Why!? Why me, you don’t know shit about me, you could’ve easily had Ariel, or anybody else and none of them would have even cost you a fraction of that price! Why are you so willing to pay me whatever the hell I want even after I failed to place someone else in the position?”Slowly sauntering over in his direction until you were so damn close to him your eyelashes could almost flutter against each other. “ And I dare you to tell me that your any different than any other man I've dealt with in you position. That your reasoning runs ....deeper than you wanting to bend me over this damn desk” God, his lips were a problem, his damn jawline was a problem, why the hell did you get this close again!?

He didn’t respond right away, letting his eyes trace over every element on your face, and it took everything in you to pretend you knees weren’t caving in. Once his eyes landed on our lips, licking his in the process. Leaning forward, bracing his weight on the desk, hands resting on either side of you body as he hovered over you. Yet your stance never faltered he was challenging you ...AGAIN and There was no way in hell you’d show how consumed you were! Not when it was your decision to invade his personal space to begin with! The scent from his colgen filling your nose, having to physically remind yourself not to moan….. Hosoek knew exactly what he was doing, lips sitting slightly ajar, teasing you to arch up ever so slightly! You could damn near taste the liquor on his tongue...

“I’m a man, more importantly a man with damn good taste! So yes, the idea of having you face down ass up sounds, sinfully appealing” Fuck your throat was dry as hell right now…”But no that’s not why I’m offering. Your not blind, clearly I dont need to pay for sex, I’m not some 60 year old man with a saggy ballsack so I’ll be frank with you! The contract has a deadline because so do I…” Now we're finally getting somewhere...

“This was my families idea, hints all the confusion and my very short fuse, they want someone by my side as I embark on a new... Business venture. Clearly you can tell no one you’ve sent can even remotely stacks up to what I require in a partner, fake or not! I failed drama I don’t care how many cameras are in my face..I don’t act! Either I vibe with someone or I don’t..”

“We haven’t vibed Hoseok, we've argued! Since you think you can do my job better than I can...what's your rationale for pairing us together oh wise one!?” Nothing but sass dripped from your tongue at that...and he fucking loved it. The smirk that dance up hid lips said it all. A low hum fell from his lips as he leaned in, even closer, chest thumping so hard you questioned if he could even hear it. Fuck, you really wanted to grab him by the back of the neck and find out how good he tastes!

“You tell me ...tell me what I need…” Something about his delivery had heat pooling between your thighs, voice getting dangerously low, and so where his eyes …”Since my charts fucked and your claiming that’s what screwed you up...tell me what I actually need…”

Clearing your throat slightly, trying to pull your shit together yet you didn't pull back from him, you didn't want to...you liked the intensity! If you were smart you’d disregard his question but, you felt like you needed to prove yourself…..

“Someone to stimulate, and balance you out you mentally...” Purred from your lips earning a hum of approval, which , followed behind and confirmed every other bullet point …

“Someone well dressed..”

“Hmm…” - fuck he really needs to stop doing that

“ Cultured..”

“Mmmhmm..”

“Whitty..”

“Mmm, keep going…”

“Quick on her toes, Sar-” A dramatic sigh leaving your chest at that, eyes rolling to the back of your head more times than you could count once you realized what he was doing. Hoseok was having you describe yourself, because ideally, you were the type of woman you’d try and set him up with.

The level of smugness that danced along his lips proved he was proud of himself “And you were sayinggg???” Purposely Letting the last syllable roll off his tongue sing song like.

You should've realized this the minute you met him…. Hoseok only needed a “Sugar Baby” for the contrational purouses, the fact that once signed it’s the person's job is to be whatever he needs! That type of control would allow his family to insure she's adding to whatever “Aesthetic” he needs for this business venture..it was purely about control! That’s the disconnect, his family wanted the pretty faced puppet that they can morph into whoever they wanted. And clearly that's the last quality Hoseok wants in a partner, even a fake one! Now it makes more sense why a man like him..would have even signed up for something like this!

“I’m sayingggg...EVEN if I considered, and if I did it wouldn't have shit to do with you and everything to do with the money...there would be no contract because I’d get fired! I’m a recruiter Hoseok, I can’t use the information I get to look out for myself, that's the definition of conflict of interest. Once you find a girl we make a contract.. We get a monthly percentage of what you pay per outside of gifts and little bounces..there's no way they wouldn't know and-”

“So we cut Y.G.K out...“In all honesty, you haven't placed a girl yet, I’ll have Jimin write a very nice email, so it doesn't make you look bad. Will just say I’m going to try looking for love on my own or some bullshit! They’ve already made there fee to add me to the roster ...” Letting his gaze pry into yours only to snatch you by the throat “Then, me and you make our own contract...I’ll pay you directly...problem solved…” Hoseok was starting to work his own angle and you hated the knots forming in the pit of your stomach as he changed his entire vocal presentation. It was smoother, husker..slightly breathy..everything it needed to be to get you to say yes, but again you weren’t a rookie, you were still somewhat thinking clearly!

“No, not problem solved..what happens if pictures get out!? I’ve done my research, it’s a part of my job your Korea's resident bad boy..the press love to hate your ass over there! Yeah,granted I go to events that you’d probaly frequent and network or whatever the fuck you wanna call it! But what happens if someone gets a pic of us in Malta or something!?”

The slight shrug in arrgrence really didn't help … “See! You don’t stay with one person which is why I’m sure you got sucked into this..the minute were seen together more than twice it’s news! How the hell do I rationalize that!?” There was a sudden growl in your voice and you weren;t sure where it came from, maybe because you were slightly annoyed that the hustler side in you really wanted to say yes. Fuck rational, fuck how this would probaly all blow up...you missed getting paid to look cute! Maybe it was also because you really wanted him to bend you over and fuck the shit out of you on top of this desk…

“Then, will take it as it comes, I know that’s why you asked for a signing bonus..incase that happens and work finds out, or once this contracts over and we go our separate ways...so your not on your ass..your smart!” A slight smile tugging on your lips because he’s right $150K is about three years pay...at Y.G.K before taxes ...enough where if something happens at least you wouldn't be royally fucked!

There was a beat of silence eyes searching his for all the answers...

“I’ll give you until midnight...if you think there's a recruit in your roster that can actually keep up, I’m open to it. But if not we will be respectfully parting ways with Y.G.K. it’s solely business. I've actually already paid 2 other companies I just haven't used their services because I was trying to hold out for you...but were getting a little too close for comfort !” Pulling back from you painfully slow and it took everything in you not to chase after those pouty lips of his!

Instinctively you reached up pulling him back by his silk tie “What are you actually looking for Hoseok?” You’d be lying if you said you weren’t intrigued, especially with the low growl slipped past his lips at the sudden tension pulling along his neck. An amused smirk forming yours “Hmm..someone likes pain I seee….” Tone blatantly flirtatious you licked your lips

“Hmm..someone likes to tease I see...” Mimicking your tone to a tee, you were so stupidly turned on and this was all your fault! The sudden shift wasn’t as discreet as you hoped either “Don’t play if you can't handle it baby…just because I’m younger than probably anyone you’ve delt with...that stll doesn't take the “Daddy” part out of the equation” Oh fuck you! As if you ever even questioned that for a nanosecond!

“Answer. The.Question Mr. Jung…” Bounce back game sill on point, regardless of how your panties currently felt!

“You just said it... everything that’s NOT on my chart. I don't want some young bright eyed, bushy tailed girl who will cry everytime I take her to Chanel...or someone I have to order for at every damn restaurant. That's not for me...I dont have the want to desire for that. Like I said I don't have an issue getting laid this contract was never sexual for me it’s a…”Aestheic” if you will…” He was clearly being very selective about how much he told you about this job...which only had you gears turning, creating your own scenarios as we speak.

“I personally didn't want “This” to begin with but if I have to do it, even if it’s only for 6 months..I want it to be with someone I can actually tolerate. “ At least you could respect his honesty…he’s not desperate, nor is he begging, he’s just simply saying he doesn't have problem paying for quality! Especially if it’s going to make his life easier, either way he’s entering a contract that’s going to cost him money, why not pay top dollar for the premium package then?!

“Someone to look good on my arm at events, but also be able to hold her own if a mic gets pointed in her face, someone to stand next to me at board meetings. Attend gallas, charity events, company parties and just look like the, supportive partner that all the other men within my brigade have. And of course the fun part...because none of that shit’s fun, so whoever she is, she deserves to be spoiled.Wined and dined, shopping sprees, spontaneous trips to London, Pars, Spain, I live multi coastal so that’s always fun! All the perks your use too only I’m not expecting you to fuck me...if it happens... it happens ...”

A low hum leaving your lips at that, gazing up at him through your full set of lashes...“If you keep looking at me like you already want me to bend you over this desk, were going to have some problems…”

“You sure I actually even really want that?” Trickling your fingers up his chest “As you said, clearly I’m damn good at my job…” A subtle wink flutter in his direction earning a slow nod that essentially read “Touche”

“True, but your eyes have been pacing between my jawline and my lips the entire time you've been in here…” Reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear and it took everything in you not to lean into the contact. “Now if you excuse me, I have a very tedious conference call to get ready for, get my personal email from Jimin on your way out. Send your picks to me directly and will go from there…” Swiftly returning his gaze back to the stack of papers on his desk, it’s not even a full 20 seconds before his phone's ringing and Hoseok’s groaning!

“Mr. Zyang, how are you? How’s Linda?” Smiling from ear to ear as if the person on the other end could see him, charm on full blast! Shifting the bottom end of the phone away from his lips so he could whisper “I gotta go, get my number from Jimin, will talk tonight” His eyes were reading a little different right now, they were softer and you were turning into putty!

A slight smile tugging on your lips as you swayed past him, you could feel his eyes burning straight through as you walked, grabbing your bag off the chaise. Not even giving him the satisfaction of looking back at him before you exited the room. You knew he was waiting for it too, just so damn sure you needed one last look at him, which honestly you did…

Feeling a little more than accomplished that you didn't cave like you thought you would, seeming to remind yourself that at the end of the day..this was solely business! A permanent smile engraved on your cheeks as you closed the door behind you.

“SOOOOOOOOOO!? You were in there long enough! What’s the game plan!?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THIS HAS BEEN SITTING FOR A WHILE! PART 2 IS HALFWAY DONE..IF THIS GETS ENOUGH LOVE ILL GET IT UP....IF YOU LIKED IT “LIKE IT” COME HIT UP THE ASK...

LOVE YOU GUYS AS ALWAYS,

ROCKI

#hoseok #hoseok smut #jhope #jhoppe smut #bts #bts smut #bts au #hoseok au #kpop #kpop smut #kpop au #jung hoseok #hoseok angst

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headoverhiddles · 5 years

Text

Mephistopheles of Los Angeles - Marilyn Manson x Reader [Smut] (Part II)

Synopsis: After the kiss, it’s impossible to avoid the press. But behind closed doors, there’s no reason to deny that you two have a connection. AKA Marilyn invites you and Johnny over to his place for a night of fun.

Notes: Third and final part coming soon! Also, I love comments :)

PART I

PART III

You sit up by your window, watching the pool glisten. You can't come out and say anything-- he was probably drunk. But, you two did have that magnificent conversation before the drinks came around... there was definitely a connection there.

As if you two shared a mind, just as you're about to pick up the phone to call Johnny, his ID shows up on your screen.

"Hey," you say.

"Morning, sunshine," he says, his voice cracking from an obvious hangover, "Beautiful day, isn't it?"

You groan, sliding the curtains shut and blocking out the sun. He laughs.

"Hey, what if--" Just then, someone else starts to call through. It's an unknown number. You really shouldn't answer, you being who you are... but there's a glimmer of misplaced hope inside you, leftover from last night maybe.

"I'll call you back, kay?" you mumble, and swipe on the call. "Yeah?"

"Hey." It's him, deep, gravelly voice and all.

"Hey." You pull your feet up to your chest. "What's going on?"

"I was hoping-- I got your number from Depp by the way, so I'm not a stalker-- that you guys'd come over to my place, like, tomorrow night. Night before your premiere. We could celebrate properly."

"Sounds great," you smile. "How are you not hungover?"

"I am, I'm just a good faker." He pauses. "It felt good to unwind with you last night. I... appreciate company like yours. I also appreciate that that was the sexiest kiss I've had in like, ten years." That's all he says, then he hangs up. Sober, he's a very somber person... but his drunk side shines through every now and then it seems. Smirking, you stand, and start to think about a shower. Johnny will probably be getting a call next.

The next night, the three of you are situated in Marilyn's living room, the thermostat set to cool air and a low soundtrack of David Bowie floating in the background.

"Cherry. Blood red. So we can pretend we're vampires." A pyramid of jello boxes sit on his counter top, three bottles of Absinthe that would be used instead of water.

"We basically are," Johnny comments idly, watching a fly crawl along the counter.

"Or, or we can pretend we're eating flesh," Marilyn continues, shaking one packet out into the bowl, "Absinthe and flesh. Or we can pretend (y/n) is menstruating, and--"

Both you and Johnny groan loud enough to drown out the rock star's ravings, and finally he concedes, adding the absinthe (mostly) silently. Ultimately however, Johnny is unable to restrain himself from pitching in. "Who would want to eat a woman out on her period though?"

"You'd be surprised," you answer that one, swinging your legs over Marilyn's velvet couch.

"I wouldn't mind it," Marilyn offered, licking the cherry goop off his tattooed fingers, "If I was like, an actual vampire."

This sets Johnny off again, and as he's laughing, you saunter up to Marilyn, wrapping your arms around him from behind.

"And what if you weren't a vampire?"

"You mean if I didn't need to stick my tongue in a reservoir of ovum littered blood?"

"Yes."

"Well, I know girls get aroused on their period, because their hormones are raging. So if my girl was horny as fuck for me on her period and wanted me to eat her pussy, I mean, I wouldn't say no."

You pat his cheek. "A true gentleman."

"I've always wondered this-- when you fuck a girl on her period and she cums, is it like a dam of blood breaking?"

"What, like the parting of the red sea?" Johnny frowns. Marilyn considers this.

"More like... Titanic, but... the Titanic is your dick."

"Completely false," you say, and both guys look over to you, legitimately interested. "It's the opposite. At least for me. The blood stops for a bit, then... comes back with a vengeance once all your wetness has returned from whence it came."

"Very interesting, love," Johnny says, getting up and pouring himself another drink.

"I love being educated in the vaginal arts," Marilyn says, making obscene slurping noises as he licks the rest of his fingers clean.

As the night wears on the three of you (plus Lily) put down bottle after bottle, smoke a couple of joints, and finish the red coagulated creation. Once two AM hits, the conversation deepens, and the guitar breaks out.

"It's gonna be hell for you answering questions about those pictures this weekend, (y/n)," Johnny says, strumming the acoustic instrument.

"I know. The questions I get are so dumb, I've already had a billion asking about you and me and if we're dating. Just because two people play love interests--"

"And have fabulous onscreen chemistry," Johnny adds.

"Yes, doesn't mean we should get... shipped!" Angrily, you exhale a cloud of smoke, the joint hanging lazily between your fingers.

"It's because the media's bullshit consists of asking why male artists do what they do, and asking female artists why they fuck who they fuck," Marilyn mutters candidly, stealing the joint.

"Load of crap," Johnny nods, playing a riff of The Beautiful People.

"I like you... though," Marilyn mumbles, glancing your way.

"I like you too," you blink.

"I would've fucked you y'know... if the paparazzi weren't such cockblocking motherfuckers..."

"I know. When it comes to the press though, we've gotta make it look like an accident if they did get pictures."

"Which they did," Johnny nodded, "I already saw one this morning titled "Chateau Marmont's Wild Nightlife: Johnny Depp blazes one while rising co-star and shock-rocker best friend get 'cheeky' in the bushes." Now we've got not only rumours about you and me to deal with but you and this fuck." This makes Marilyn laugh.

"I'm just known as the best friend now? Wow." He touches his wow tattoo, holding it up.

"You're faded, man."

"Faded, faithful, and fuckin' fatal."

"They make me look like a fucking stoner now, so I'm not much better."

"You are a fucking stoner."

"I'm Jack Sparrow, mate."

"You're a fucking stoner."

You just roll your eyes as they bicker. You remember what your agent told you-- if it's not purposefully publicized, it's messy, and messy doesn't sell. Guess that's what it's like in the Hollywood dating pool.

"Nah, but of course we've gotta deny all of it," Marilyn sighs. "It would blow up your career in a not-good way cause they'd say this young, impressionable starlet is dating a satanist, or whatever they call me, and I don't really feel like answering a billion stupid questions about you either at this point, not when I'm trying to promote my record. They're going crazy over this cause you're so popular right now, (y/n). It'll be all over People and the internet and shit."

"Covering personal shit is the worst part of this job," Johnny mutters. "Unless it's a story about smuggling cocaine into the Pirates premiere."

"Wasn't that at Disneyland?" you frown.

Marilyn and Johnny both nod noncommittally.

"Worth it," Johnny says, holding his guitar with one hand and flicking a piece of the blood red Jell-O onto the ceiling with a spoon.

"Clean that up," Marilyn grins.

"Lick it off, mate," Johnny laughs. It suddenly falls, and with a jiggle, lands between your breasts. You yelp as it splatters into your cleavage, and the two men fall to the floor laughing.

"Mmmmhmmhmm," Marilyn smiles, crawling over to you on his hands and knees with tipsy half-lidded eyes, "I think I will lick it off." He straddles you on the armchair, one leg on either side, and puts his face into your tits, his tongue sweeping deep licks between, up, down, ugh...

"Fuck, you're making me horny," you whisper. Johnny giggles, standing and snatching a small bag and heading up to Marilyn's pool patio with his guitar.

"See you two in the morning."

"Don't drown," you call up.

"I don't want to have to clean up your chlorine bloated corpse in the morning," Marilyn adds.

"I will leave you the sexiest corpse you could possibly imagine, brother," Johnny calls back down, stumbling up the stairs. You and Marilyn turn your attention back to one another.

"Your tits taste good," he comments, eyes flickering lazily back down to them.

"My pussy tastes even better," you grin, taking his hand and sliding it down between your legs. He rubs it against you, and comes up with slick fingers.

"Bedroom."

His bed is covered in black silk sheets, a satin cover blanketed overtop of them. Messy piles of books and records litter the floor, and creepy artefacts you wouldn't want to see with a light on surround everything on bookshelves.

"You have blacklights?" you ask, looking around the dark, mysterious room.

"To admire the cum shots on the ceiling," he clarifies.

"Oh, is that all?"

"--But I don't like to call it cum, I like to call it... making wet in you," he giggles.

"Mmm, make wet in me?"

"I would love to make wet in you."

Before you can say anything else, he grabs you by the hips, shoving you forward onto the bed. You land on your stomach, and he stands behind you as you turn your head.

"Take your panties off," he says in a low, level voice, as if he had sobered up in seconds. You feel your bratty side coming out.

"What if I don't?"

He lifts his chin up, looking like a king. "Get on your hands and knees... arch your back and present your ass for me. It's a really pretty ass, I just wanna look at it. Promise."

You do so, and wait in the darkness. After a second, you feel his tongue dart out, licking a stripe up your panties from behind. Then he smacks your ass hard. "Ohgod," you whisper, and he smiles.

"You look so good like this." You flip over, and crawl up to the headboard, hanging on. "Why don't you spread your legs for daddy?"

"Why don't you spread them for me, daddy? I'm a little bit tired."

"Lazy little bitch," he mumbles, sliding his hand between your legs. It rests on your knee, then you feel the pressure of him parting your thighs. He rolls over on top of you, and for a moment, you think he's going to instigate a kiss. You part your lips, waiting for him. Instead, he slides down like a snake between those parted thighs and hooks his fingers into your panties.

"Just lick around them," you smirk, biting your lip.

"Uh, uh. I want to enjoy my meal," he drawls, and pulls them off down to your ankle.

"Eat my pussy good, baby."

"Oh, I plan to."

"Gonna fuck me after that?"

"You know I am, kitten."

He delves between your folds again, making low noises. His hands reach up to grope and grab at whatever they can; your hips, your breasts, your inner thighs. After a moment, you gasp as he slips two fingers into you, then three, fucking you rough with them.

"That's--" You gasp, grinding into his face, "That's so good..."

He hums, the vibration of his lips against your clit driving you wild.

"How fuckin' close are you?" he hisses.

"So fucking close," you whine.

"Cum for me. Make wet... in my face."

"God, you're gonna ruin my ladyboner by saying shit like that!"

A few more masterful circles of his tongue however, and you do cum, gripping the boards for dear life.

"Grab my--" he murmurs, "Grab my hair, love it when it's-- oh, tugged--"

Your hands fly to his hair, and you tug the short black locks as he fucks you with his tongue through your orgasm. Giving you a moment to breathe, he flashes his dark glare up between your legs, eyes shining almost demonically in the dark.

"Fuck me, Brian," you breathe. He crawls up on top of you, holding you by your shoulders as he guides his dick between your legs. When he finally pushes in, he gives a grunt as you moan, wrapping your legs around his ass.

"So fucking good," he groans, and you bite into his shoulder.

"Ohhh yeah, oh yeah," you moan, and he suddenly pulls out.

"Back on your hands and knees, kitten." You obey this time, fucked out but wanting more. He smacks your ass again, and you moan, wiggling back. He spanks you again, and again, and you bite your fist. "Nah, nah," he whispers, "I wanna hear you. Get fuckin' loud, scream it out."

You very nearly scream as he spanks you again, and presses soft kisses up your back, turning into hickies by the top between your shoulder blades.

"Wanna ride you," you breathe. Wordlessly, he lays down, and you roll over top of him, getting into reverse cowgirl position. With another gasp, you sink down over his big cock, and roll your hips.

"That's good," he groans, "Fuckkkk yeah, that's good."

"Daddy, daddy--" you gasp.

"Daddy's gonna make you cum," he whispers, reaching up and around to squeeze your breast. He sits up, so that his chest is pressed to your back, and the angle makes you moan even louder. "I gotchu," he whispers in your ear, "I gotchu, I gotchu, gonna take real good care of you... cause you're takin real good care of me..."

You nearly sob as you reach back and grab his hair, and he sinks his teeth into your shoulder as you had done with him. You feel a bit of blood drip, and cum hard. Marilyn increases his pace as he feels you gush around his cock, pounding you harder than ever. Skin slaps against skin as he fucks you on his lap, and your orgasm keeps burning through you as he mumbles growled-out words of praise.

When you finally come back down to earth, he's pressing kisses to the bite mark, which felt good in the moment, but stings like hell now.

"Guess you're a real fucking vampire, Manson," you giggle. He nuzzles his nose into your neck, laughing.

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ftaramintas · 5 years

Text

hi friends ! i’m koa and every time you see miss jennie kim on your dash , then you’ll be greeted with the strong presence that is araminta park ! you are absolutely correct if you know i got her name from the beautiful araminta lee from crazy rich asians , and that’s that on that .

i use emojis way too much in conversations , specifically my favorites exhibit a. 🥺 , b. 🥴 , c. 🤠 , and d. 🤪 . i talk too much sometimes and i don’t find that to be a bad thing , but right now i’m listening to itzy’s new album on loop , so make sure you’re streaming wannabe or we’re gonna fight ! i’m just kidding , but without further ado , here’s everything you need to know about araminta !

statistics .

FULL NAME : araminta josephine park .

NICKNAME(S) : ari , minta , and minnie ( by her parents only ) .

BIRTHDATE / AGE : july 25th , 1997 / 23 .

ZODIAC : leo .

HOMETOWN : manhattan , new york .

GENDER : cis female .

NATIONALITY : korean - american .

ETHNICITY : korean .

HEIGHT : 5′4″ .

LABEL(S) : the queen bee , the studious , and the opulent .

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : biromantic .

SEXUAL ORIENTATION : bisexual .

OCCUPATION : architecture student at steinhardt university .

HOUSING : perry hall .

LANGUAGES SPOKEN : korean , english , french , and learning portuguese .

POSITIVES : bewitching , regiment , decorous , methodical , and distinguished .

NEGATIVES : unvarnished , zealous , cavalier , hard - hearted , and priggish .

background .

araminta’s story begins with the fateful meeting of her parents , kim seo - yeon and park dong - wook , on a cold winter’s day . they found themselves at the tender ages of 20 and 22 , attending a boring christmas gala with their parents when they would have preferred to do anything else in the world . seo - yeon was a women who knew what she wanted the moment her eyes landed upon it , so when she made brief eye contact with dong - wook , she purposefully spilled a glass of champagne onto his expensive tom ford suit and made a big deal of it . this sparked their whirlwind romance , and six months later they found themselves announcing their engagement to korean media outlets .

despite how quickly they were engaged , their parents saw this as mutually beneficial . seo - yeon is the youngest daughter of the wealthy kim family , owners of the kq group conglomerate that was worth billions in its own right . dong - wook was the only child of his parents , and came from park family lineage where their hotels and resorts were the cause of their fortune . the families were soon to be one , and the couple was the chaebol heirs that others envied . following their lavish wedding , seo - yeon and dong - wook decided that they were going to head off to manhattan to make a life for themselves . so , they transferred to columbia university , finished their schooling , and shortly after seo - yeon’s graduation from the financial economics program , the couple discovered that they were expecting .

it was a sticky summer day when seo - yeon unexpectedly gave birth to their daughter , who decided not to allow her parents time to get to the hospital . araminta was born in the bathtub of her parents’ luxury bathroom , and right into the arms of her slightly panicked but overjoyed father . from the time that she was a toddler , araminta was a very precocious child , picking up on skills quite quickly and speaking in few short sentences by the time she was eleven months old . as she grew older , araminta’s parents remained hands on despite their busy schedules , and decided that they would see what their daughter would have the most interest in . when she was four , her parents began piano lessons , and it was evident that she had a natural gift for the instrument .

years continued to pass , and araminta was always a top student in both academics and her extracurriculars . as she attended the very best schools in new york city , araminta was usually the first to answer questions , the first to sign up , and the first to complete her tests . she was the recipient of various awards throughout the years , whether it be honor roll or due to her participation in various student organizations . by the time she reaches high school , araminta is on the fast track to attending the college of her choice . this is also the time where she discovers her love for both dance and volleyball . honestly , she tried out for the dance team at her high school on a whim , and immediately fell in love with it . volleyball is her main love , and she keeps up with dance because she gets to have fun and it helps to keep her in shape .

araminta was accepted into steinhardt university during her junior year because she was absolutely the girl who took her sat during sophomore year because she wanted to get it out of the way ! so , she went through her last two years of high school not stressing over college ( and honestly i think about that scene from mean girls where everyone’s freaking out because of the burn book and regina is just standing there JNFDFHD ) . during the first semester of college at steinhardt , though , araminta was dealt a heavy blow when she discovered that her parents were separating .

they weren’t arguing a lot or anything , but they simply didn’t want to be married anymore / the relationship lost its spark , so they figured it’d be best to end their relationship . during that time , it was really hard for araminta to understand because she didn’t want her family to be broken , but as the years passed , she began to understand why they decided to end their relationship . at steinhardt , araminta is an architecture major and it’s entirely due to the fact that she wants to someday take over her father’s position as ceo of the hotel / resort company that his family owns . she’s the captain of the dance team and the right side hitter on the volleyball team !

headcanons .

definitely plans on going to graduate school once she’s graduated , and more than likely will get a degree in business !

as mentioned , she currently resides in perry hall . when it comes to the decor of her room , i’d say it’s pretty minimal with muted tones , but there’s definitely some soft pinks scattered about ! really likes having gold as an accent color ( cannot stand the marble trend ) and everything has a place !

she never leaves her dorm without making the bed or putting away dishes from breakfast / lunch . it’s mostly because she usually gets back home really late so the last thing she wants to do is have to clean before bed .

studies a lot , studies late , and studies hard . if she were to have a studygram ( yes , that’s absolutely a thing ) it would be the most aesthetically pleasing instagram on the planet . probably only uses these heavy gold pens modeled after the ones her father uses with her name engraved on it .

araminta is full on the girl who does not show up to class in sweatpants and a hoodie . i draw a lot of her style inspiration from itsyuyan on instagram and jennie’s own style . the only time she’ll ever be casual is during those trips to the library or when she’s lounging at home , and even then she’s probably wearing jeans and a tee / sweater or a coordinated pajama set .

i know jennie has since cut her hair , but araminta’s hair is long ! specifically , her hair is waist length . she drives a white mercedes glc where she’s usually taking selfies lmao but her parents got her that car because it’s #safe and honestly she barely even drives the thing unless she’s going grocery shopping or making the trip back home .

personality .

oh boys , where do i even begin with this brat !

to quote that tik tok song : i’m a bitch , i’m a boss . araminta works very hard despite misconceptions that she has everything handed to her because of her family’s wealth . she can be very prideful of all of her accomplishments at times , but definitely will let them do the talking instead of being the type to bring them up in every conversation .

she’s nice to who she wants to be nice to , and sometimes she’ll be the very opposite of nice . she can complain a lot sometimes , especially when she’s doing something that she wasn’t want to .

will respond to attitudes with the same energy and she will take no prisoners .

she is and will remain as #1 in her program ( valedictorian ) and will do whatever it takes to remain in such spot . she’s wildly ambitious mostly stemming from her father being the same way , so she’ll step on toes and sink her nails in in order to get what she believes is hers .

crazy charming , and usually it only takes her flashing a smile in order to get what she wants . however since she’s pretty full of herself that can be a real turn off to others who don’t care about the luxuries that can afford .

desired relations .

i would love to have almost any and everything . first , some basics that i’d love to have are as follows : former roommates , best friends , academic rivals , friends with benefits , confidant(s) , frenemies , good / bad influence , one night stand(s) , flirtationship , enemies with benefits , and a current or ex fling !

i’ve been drinking my women loving women juice recently and i’d love for her to have an ex gf ? i really feel that they ended on good terms like they might have simply drifted apart , but they remain really good friends ? there’s probably even a sprinkle of them being confidants to one another , but give me this or give me death .

i would die for literally any form of angst that you could possibly think of ? angsty friends , angsty exes , angsty anything . i love to put myself through misery so honestly ... bury me six feet under and i will literally thank you .

all aboard the heartbreak train ! this ties back into my love for angst , but some form of an ex or maybe even someone who she go close to but it didn’t really work out ? maybe even a will they won’t they ? but essentially , clearly these two have feelings but for some reason things didn’t work out for them and now they’re probably in a limbo or trying to determine where they’re headed but they absolutely refuse to talk about it ! all of their friends notice but they blow them off and ok let me relax and actually allow us to plot , but just some potential ideas !

i will have a desired relations tag that i’ll be updating as frequently as i can , but if none of these work for you or if you have something you see araminta filling , then please let me know ! we can totally brainstorm or if you want , then we can work on chemistry !

#steinhardt:intro #this is really long even without her bio i'm CRYING

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lovelyirony · 6 years

Note

hi, saw your request for pairings and AUs & there's something I thought of the other day, if you consider it an AU. How about Pepperony & Hanahaki disease? what if palladium wasn't the only thing killing Tony slowly in IM2? :) ah, the smell of angst. hehe. thanks

ooh, aren’t you the evil one? also: anyone know why i included the year of 1977?

There were many things wrong with Tony’s life at the moment. 1.) Heavy metal poisoning (remind Pep–have Jarvis make a reminder to e-mail Black Sabbath about the new album title, that’s a winner) 2.) He was starting to hate pizza (for…reasons, but still) and he wanted pizza but at the same time it felt like when you were a kid and just slightly tipped the scales at sugar consumption and you just want to sit down for an hour or so, but– 3.) There was a Thing. That Came Up. Because of course it did. Heightened the death thing up by a week, go figure.

His whole body was wracked in pain for a moment as he braced against the counter top. Body’s last hurrah, still can’t believe he’s dying in a fucking bathroom, such a 1977 thing to do, honest to god–

There are petals. Red petals, and he puts one under a microscope because that’s what scientists do, and he’s basically just staving off a full on breakdown, because he knows who this is about, and it’s…

Red tulips. Red fucking tulips, because of course life hates him. He remembers being in Ana’s study at their house, reading a book. And Jarvis would always bring her red tulips. It meant a love confession.

Ain’t that a kick in the head.

And he remembers the red hair, the eyes that he’s completely fallen for, and the way that she rolls those gorgeous eyes and the easy way she wears jeans and old shirts on her off days and loves those novelty shirts just as much as he does and–

Well.

“Sir, with the added complications arisen, we have to shave a week off,” Jarvis says.

People could live years with the…thing. With the petals. If they were careful enough, no one would ever know. If they were smart, people would never know. It was a heart attack. A shame they died so young.

Tony takes a swig of scotch, and decides that his death will be one of a vice.

He starts pushing people actively away. His therapist–or rather, the little voice in his head because as much as he would probably like to settle some deep-rooted issues, talking to people about actual emotions, is just, ugh–said that he always did that. But now it’s just. More.

He sees how Rhodey looks at him as he creates this huge fucking mess, blasting up his home that he and Rhodey had planned together. Says things like not needing a sidekick, knows that it’ll piss Rhodey off, being second-rate, because that’s what he’s always viewed himself as, that’s what others have–

and there’s a petal dropping to the floor, and Rhodey stops. He looks at him, face dropping.

“You poor son of a bitch.”

“I have a net worth of over a billion dollars,” Tony snarks weakly. He can feel the bile run from his throat. Leans over.

“Blood toxicity at eighty-three percent,” Jarvis murmurs. “I would advise you in telling Colonel Rhodes about the situation, Sir.”

“You could tell her,” Rhodey says. “You could do that. Maybe she likes you back.”

“That explains why I’m spewing fucking tulips,” Tony says, sneering. “Just fucking admit it. I’m a lost cause, and I’m going out in the way that I fucking want to.”

“In the way you want to, or the way that guarantees no one shows up to your funeral?” Rhodey asks. “Because you know she’s upset. Not even pissed, really. Just upset because she thought you were better.”

“Everyone’s fatal flaw with me,” Tony says with a shrug. “And she deserves someone better than…better than me.”

He gets pulled into a hug.

A ton of shit happens after that. Rhodey is concerned, gets Tony a therapist, and he still doesn’t realize the heavy metal poisoning. It’s starting to take more effect. Tony forgot that Pepper was allergic to strawberries. She looks very angry at him.

Natalie or Natasha–whatever the hell her name is, and he’s betting at least a thousand that neither are–is there. Always. It’s annoying, having a complete stranger so close to your life collapsing. Rude, is what it is, the absolute nerve of her–

There’s a video. He kind of likes it.

“My greatest creation, Tony, was you.” All that happy-feely bullshit that Howard never fucking said to him when he was alive, but hey. Validation? Is that what he’s feeling? Love? Hell if he knows. He’s terrified by it.

But he knows the element. Still getting schooled by the dead, which sucks. But he works, works past exhaustion and the fact that he still needs to figure out what kind of urn he’s getting, because there’s no way that weirdos will leave his body at rest, and yeah.

A new element.

Blood toxicity lowers. More time for him. Yay. A villain to stop, Vanko. What is it with Russians and Tony’s life? Is this a Cold War thing again? He’ll ask Fury, since that guy seems to think he knows the answers to every question of life.

They…stop. The red petals stop coming, and he stops wearing pocket squares to stuff full of flower petals. And he looks towards Pepper, who hugs him tight and kisses him all over, sans lips because that’s personal, and–

God, he loves her. Still does, after all of that. Used to think he loved her like Icarus loved the sun, too close and too dangerous, but–

It changed. The wings lowered, and Pepper smiles him in the kitchen one day when she’s stealing his cinnamon sugar cookie coffee because she won’t buy anything fancy for herself, and

“I think I want to date you,” Tony announces. Pepper blinks.

“Date. Me. You want to take me on a date.”

“Yes, that’s a thing people do. Normally.”

“You’re not normal, Tony. You closed down a Tiffany’s store on a whim because you thought that they had a ring that they didn’t, and then sat there eating Chinese on the floor with Jim.”

“Ugh, why do you always call him Jim? Why not Honey-pop or sugarplum?”

“Because I’m the normal one? You’re the one who did weird stuff.” She’s grinning. She loves banter, thrives off of it. If she can trade back snipe for wit, laugh for laugh, she loves it.

“So, date. I want to take you out on one.”

“Does this breach company policy? I think it does. I think it definitely would.”

“Call it a conference? We just…veer off stock points. Immediately.”

She laughs, that gorgeous laugh that makes him feel lighter than air. Makes him feel like those movies with Bing Crosby that his mother would always watch, sighing happily as she tapped her feet to any song that came on.

“I want a lunch. With no salad or courses, I want a really shitty takeout lunch.” Tony laughs, making a note on his phone.

“Do you want any fried food?”

“Pickles.”

“You’re a crime against humanity, Pepper, honestly, what was I thinking–”

“You were thinking that you liked me,” Pepper says quietly. “Because I like you back. And I…well. I want this to work out.” Tony smiles.

“Well, we’re in too deep now. You can’t quit, you need a pension.” She snorts, but kisses him on the cheek.

“Pick me up at one. Bring wine.”

#anyway #you wanted angst and i hoped i delivered #but i wanted this to end happily so yeah #pepperony #pepper potts #tony stark #he's so head over heels it's not even funny #lovelyirony writes #hanahaki disease #this is fun #i like that concept but i don't think i've ever written it #i like it though #this is very fun #i listened to the song art exhibit by young the giant if you want to get into my mood #if any of you get the joke about 77 in here i'm pleased

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yoshimickster · 6 years

Text

RWBY Volume 6 Episode 7 “The Grimm Reaper” MicksteRecap-BEHOLD THE NICE BACKGROUNDS!

Hey everybody, last night’s Christmas party was a DOOZY, sorry I’m late-TIME FOR THE MICKSTERECAP!

IT STARTS OFF-

-THE SANCTUARY of the spring relic...which...Salem can just enter any time she wants apparently! Man, maiden powers AND a secret hideout, that’s awesome!

Hell, she can even invite FRIENDS inside! Just get some chairs, a TV and surround sound, you’ll have a chill pad!

Either way Cinder gives Neo the low-down about how Salem ordered Cinder to take Ruby alive NOT dead-ALL WHILE-

2:58 ...she...plays with her knife, like a total creep! I ain’t judging, we all gotta stim from time to time.

Anyway, Cinder tells Neo that while she can’t kill Ruby, NEO hasn’t taken ANYONE’S orders, and then the two become best murder friends forever!

Because we ALL KNOW how well the LAST time Cinder made a deal with a recurring antagonist...also holy crap Neo’s tiny, she’s like a murderous Felicity Smoak!

A THEN CUT TO-

3:38 THE BRIDGE FROM EVERY SAMURAI STORY! Don’t lie, you got Samurai Jack flashbacks to. It is HERE WE SEE-

-absoLUTE cosplay bait! LOOK AT THAT-its glorious!

And you just KNOW what’s comin’ next folks-

4:20 ONE ON ONE MONSTER FIGHT BITCHES!

Maria starts out with a bridge back-flip-

THEN-does a gun-scythe-kama toss-

-AND LANDS THAT SHIT IN THE SHOULDER-but wait-THERE’S MORE!

SHE FLICKS THE PURPLE SWITCH-oh Mauvisto we fear your dark power-WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE-

-MAGNETIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC SCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTHES-bitch! Most likely due to gravity dust! She then uses it to FLOAT HER ASS up to the bird!

“I’M MARY POPPINS Y’ALL!”

She SPINS IN for a shoulder strike-

AND LANDS-in the shoulder! Lot of shoulder strikes with this bird.

She then steers it through the anime mountains-

THROWS-one of her kamas-IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AIR-

-creating what LOOKS like a fixed point of gravity-

-PULLS back her weapons forcing the bird into a quick-stop turn, STEERING THAT FUCKER-

-RIGHT INTO A MOUNTAIN! FUCK YES-pro Huntresses rule! She also LANDS that bitch-

-RIGHT INTO A DITCH! RHYMING!

She then pulls one of her kmas out and everything is fine-OR IS IT?!

Nevermore: Hey.

Maria: Oh...hey.

Nevermore: Whatcha doin?

Maria: OH-I was just going to leave.

Nevermore: That’s nice, but how about I eat you instead?

Maria tries zigging and zagging-BUT-

4:56 It knocks both her weapon-

AS WELL AS HER! She’s only got ONE OPTION-

VAGUELY EXPLAINED MAGICAL SUPERPOWER GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

5:09 DAMN-petrified and then crumpled in MID-air!

After that kerfuffle, Maria than just goes on her merry way-

Tock: SURPRISE BITCH-I’m a crocodile!

We are then treated to one of the shortest...and MOST epic action exchanges of ALL time! Which starts out with THIS-

Maria: I don’t think you know who I am.

Tock: Course I do!

Clock: *Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind-DING!*

Tock: YOUR the Grim reaper!

AND YES-there are screws in her croco-teeth, don’t question it, its just awesome.

Tock: And THESE are the last 60 seconds of your life.

*SHING*

6:10*GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW*

And yes, the action scene ends exactly SIXTY seconds after she starts glowing, AS WELL as the clock stopping sixty seconds after it officially started and its absolutely brilliant-TO THE FIGHT-

6:13-Tock starts with a straightforward slash-BUT Grimm Reaper Maria blocks it like a boss-BUT-

6:16 -TOCK knocks away one of her mini-scythes-BUT MARIA-

-NOT ONLY gravetizes her other scythe back to her-

-BUT WHILE BLOCKING SHOTGUN CHARLIE-damn she was great in her prime. THEN-

-she slashes Machete Jackson RIGHT in the face-

6:27 Knocks away BOTH of these punks-

6:30 While knocking Hammer Armond down-LIKE A BOSS! BUT THEN-

6:31 TOCK comes in with the double slash, grinning like a mad woman.

Jackson and Tock get the jump on her, one zigs, the other zags, PROMPTING MARIA TO ACTIVATE-

6:44 BO-STAFF MODE-now it has DOUBLE the attack power!

She goes in striking Jackson-

-BUT TOCK-gets up close and personal-

6:47

And in a SPLIT second-

JACKSON’S back up and tag-teams Maria with Tock...wait, not like that.

Maria knocks back Jackson again, she zigs, Tock zags, LOTSA ZIGGING AND ZAGGIN UP IN THIS

ALL THE WHILE-the same tick-tick ticking is going on-OOOH-its like a Venture bros scene!

Maria looks like she’s got the upper hand-BUT TOCK-

6:56 BITES THE FUCK THROUGH her battle staff-

6:57 HEADBUTTS AWAY-her mask-

-where it SHATTERS in mid-air, holy SHIT! ALSO-Maria is pretty-HUZZAH!

Either way this LEADS TOCK-

7:01 -to slash her GOD DAMNED eyes open! All. Within. 60. SECONDS! HOLY SHIT!

Tock high off her victory then starts gloating to the no de-eyed Grimm reaper, mocking her as weak while Maria blindly shoots her gun-scythes-WHILE ALSO-

-throwing one of her weapons behind her, which Tock isn’t worried about at all...for some reason.

*CLICK*

*KER-SLASH* Dead...presumably.

Never doubt the power of purple folks.

8:04 FLASH FORWARD to the present, where everyone in the cart being pulled by a SINGLE motorcycle deals with the fact that they were travelling with THE Grimm Reaper this whole time. Seriously Qrow straight up geeks out a little to, admitting he based his scythe on her weapon...well...just the scythe apparently, also his gun is more of a shot-gun where as hers seemed more like glocks AH whatever.

Maria than gives herself a BIG OLD pity party, mentioning that even after she got her new fancy robot eyes she couldn’t bare to go back out into the field, fearing the danger that comes with battle and...I KNOW she’s clearly going to be Ruby’s mentor, but I ALSO hope she bonds with Yang as well, as holy SHIT she’s similar to Yang.

Both lost appendages during battle, both had said appendages replaced with mechanical accouterments, and BOTH are hilarious! HELL for wall we know Maria also had an almost-girlfriend who ran out on her, another almost girlfriend who got shipped off to Narnia, and a little sister who kept battling because CRIME!

Hell, she PRACTICALLY acknowledges it-

9:11 Maria: Because some of you are clearly stronger than me all ready.

Yang: *Sad ephiphany face*.

DAMN am I glad she’s part of the group!

After Maria avoids Ruby’s plea to train her to use her magical Grimm zapping super eyes-WE GETS A SCROLL CALL-

Jaune: OH MY GOD I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU ARE YOU ALIVE?!

Ruby: I answered the SCROLL Jaune, the answer is clearly yes.

Jaune: I just miss my friends.

-INFORMING THEM ALL-that they are RIGHT CLOSE TO-

10:20 BASINGSE-I mean-THE WALLED CITY OF ELDIA-wait not...ARGUS-yeah Argus! But FIRST Team RWBYQOM needs to FACE-

-THE STEEPEST HILL ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET! I mean...LOOK AT THAT THING-its huge! Also I love the design of the trees and the grass, its just beautiful!

BUT-through the magic of television-

-THEY’RE ALL READY THERE! Seriously I bet it took them like TWO hours inching down that path. I know construction is always lax in Remnant due to Grimm attacks, but someone NEEDS to make that path safer!

But enough about that-BEHOLD-

-THIS CASTLE WALL-with lots of armed guards on the top! No Titan is gonna sneak up on the city on THEIR watch!

But enough abou that-ITS HUG TIME:

And a billion shippers hearts, just exploded.

After the love fest, we get-ARGUS SCENERY THROUGH WORLD-BUILDING:

Look at all this, Rooster Teeth’s background budget got WAY bank and they are FLAUNTING that wealth!

This Objects and Oddities lady is my favorite, she’s just SO pissed off, I wander why?

We also see-

-A MOVIE THEATER-showing such brand spanking new films, INCLUDING-

TRYST IN THE MIST-a raunchy tale about a romantic affair that takes place IN THE MIST! Given 4 stars by “Incredibly specific affair based movie” monthly!

...a...MOVIE within a movie apparently...weird.

DEMON IN THE DEEP-one of several monster movies that SOMEHOW exist on Earth-RWBY. I’m just saying, with all the REAL monster attacks, wouldn’t monster movies seem insensitive? SPEAKING of insensitive-

THE FALL...of Beacon...I know I’m not the first to say this but too soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.

So bla bla bla, Argus was made to promote trade between kingdoms, bla bla bla, Atlas military has all but abandoned it bla bla bla-LET’S MEET JAUNE’S SISTER!

LOOK AT HER! FEEL-her youthful and adorable mom energy!

And the REST of the episode is PRETTY MUCH just an assortment of adorable images.

Yang playing airplane with baby Adrien(THE CUTENESS).

THE THREE ARMED-flopping Jaune-IN ALL of its glory!

AN INSULTED BOY-

12:56 -and the women who adore him-

AND ALL THE ARC SIBLINGS:

Okay I don’t know HOW many fan-artists are left on Tumblr due to the incoming purge, but I want some ADORABLE web-comics based on this STAT! LOOK AT MINI-JAUNE-he’s so CUTE! And just when you things couldn’t get ANY better-

13:22

Sapphron: Everyone, this is my wife Terra Cotta.

BAM-twenty gay-TEEN mother fuckers!

SUBTLE-Renora sandwich time! Look at these two, YOUNG LOVE mother fuckers!

But more importantly Terra asks THE REAL questions-

Terra: Is that (Bringing students along on dangerous Huntsman missions) even legal?

Qrow: Er, uh, of course!

And I just...LOVE that both Maria and Ruby have the exact same looks on their faces, their both thinking “The closest thing we have to a real chaperone is a bipolar alcoholic...this is what my life has become”.

After a nice little sandwich lunch, and learning that Terra Cotta-Arc is a hardworking radio engineer being unjustly accused of bad mistakes(if there’s ANYONE to blame its Lionheart), while team RWBY decides the best way to GO to Atlas is with the LOCAL MILITARY BASE-which I’m sure will accept them with OPEN AR-

SLAM

Ooooooooooooooooooor not. Hey, its only HALF way through the season, they gots PLENTY of time!

SUMMATION-this easily had one of the BEST action sequences of the ENTIRE season, the backgrounds were BEAUTIFUL and there were just so many cute scenes-TEN OUT OF TEN for me! AND WITH THAT-that’s the end of MICKSTERECAP-if you liked what you read, message me if you want to donate to my Paypal or Ko-Fi. With that I will see you NEXT WEEK-on Mick the Nerd’s a.k.a. Yoshimickster’s MICKSTERECAP! Sorry this one was a bit late!

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camp-half-mess · 5 years

Text

Anything For You

((I wrote a little fanfic about TKC Thoth and Manon (OC) that took place before our RP! ~Mod Sav))

Anything For You

TW: Alcohol, sexual harassment

Manon swore she’d never love anybody ever again. Not after what had happened to her family. They made her happy, they made her feel loved, then BAM! Gone. Dead, reduced to piles of ashes.

Manon swore she’d never let herself feel that heartbreak again. Those awful nights full of tears, where she’d cry herself to sleep and wish that their murders had been some sort of twisted prank, that they’d suddenly appear and be like, “Just kidding, we’re alive!”

Of course, that never happened. The dead tend to stay dead. But the hope Manon felt, the painful hope that a miracle would happen, destroyed her emotionally, so she swore she’d never love anyone like that again.

Until him.

Oh, that bastard.

Manon had had crushes before. The boy on the playground who Manon thought was cute when she was eight. The handsome magician who Manon followed around the First Nome when she was twelve, hoping he’d notice her and talk to her. A baseball player at her high school.

But never had she fallen in love as an adult. Never had she fallen in love with an ancient god.

Yes, Manon was in love with Thoth, the Egyptian god of knowledge. Seven billion people on the planet, and she had to fall in love with him of all people.

Manon knew she didn’t have a chance with him, as much as she tried to deny it. Thoth could probably get any woman or man he wanted. Why on earth would he choose Manon, his twenty-one-year-old assistant/bodyguard?

Thoth was very much capable of protecting himself. Manon really didn’t understand why he needed someone who basically served as his bodyguard. But the group she was a part of thought it necessary. Probably because she had more information about the cult than him, which was ironic considering Thoth was a god of knowledge. But whatever. Manon didn’t mind her job.

She didn’t mean to fall in love with him, of course. It just...happened. And if Manon could have predicted before she came to Memphis that she’d fall for him, she would have been shocked.

He seemed so cold at first. Like a slightly more emotional Vulcan with attention span issues. But then as Manon got to know him more, he let what Manon guessed was his real self show. And she fell in love with him.

In return, she started to trust him more. In fact, she trusted him more than she has trusted anyone in a long time. Manon told him embarrassing things about herself, like the time she managed to fall headfirst into a fountain because she was too busy reading, and the time she cried because she saw a really cute dog. Things she never imagined she’d tell anyone, especially not a millennia-old god.

Thankfully, Thoth didn’t make her feel any more embarrassed about those things. He’d simply give her a small smile, a smile that made Manon melt every time she saw it, and make a comment about how something similar happened to him. An ancient guy like him had hours of embarrassing moments to talk about.

And contrary to popular belief, Thoth had a sense of humor. His sense of humor was subtle but refined, his jokes coming in the form of off-hand, often passive-aggressive remarks and puns. The worst puns, which would always make Manon laugh, especially with his stoic delivery of them, the only hint of his mischief a smirk.

Of course, Thoth wasn’t without his flaws. Manon had seen his bad side in addition to his good side. In fact, she noticed that everyone had mostly seen his bad side, his stubbornness, emotionlessness, and his occasional arrogance, hence his not-so-good reputation among the gods and others who have met him. Despite his flaws, Manon still loved him for him. They were part of him, after all, and she knew she definitely wasn’t without flaws.

For the most part, though, Thoth was kind and caring. A real gentleman, in Manon’s opinion, although she might be biased. For the several months she had spent with him, he’d offered her nothing but kindness and hospitality and expected nothing in return but her companionship and occasional help. Sometimes, Thoth would ask Manon to be a test subject for odd spell combinations he wanted to try. Nothing that could potentially kill her, though, according to Thoth.

One time, Thoth asked her to be a test subject for a potential strength spell combination. Manon agreed, like she always did, and he tested the spell combination on her. Something must have gone wrong, though, because Manon lost consciousness and the next thing she remembered was waking up on the floor, Thoth kneeling above her and fretting over her, making sure she was okay. Manon wasn’t okay, she ended up somehow contracting some illness from the spell combination. She remembered Thoth carrying her to bed and tucking her in, then nursing her back to health for a few days.

He never asked for anything in return. Gods, he was so sweet. Manon loved him. She hoped one day to return his kindness. She didn’t know how she would, but somehow, she would do it.

In addition to his lovely personality, Thoth looked good. Sure, he didn’t look like a male supermodel, but damn, he was still hot. Manon could admire him and his multicolored eyes, messy hair, and slender but somewhat muscular body for hours. She also liked the way he dressed, especially when he wore his usual outfit of a lab coat, t-shirt, and jeans, all scribbled on in marker with various hieroglyphics for easy spell-casting. That outfit captured his personality well, Manon thought, plus it looked comfortable and hot on him.

Gods, she had it bad, didn’t she? Swooning over an ancient deity like some hormonal schoolgirl. Even just a thought of him made her blush and grin.

Manon sat at the bar, a dreamy smile on her face as she stirred her drink with her straw. Only a layer of ice and watered down whiskey remained in the glass.

She had come to this bar for no reason, really. She had just gotten out of a musical that she saw in downtown Memphis. Thoth said he had something else to do, so Manon went alone. And once she was done, well…she could use a small drink. Not much, just a little something to make her tipsy, to keep her attention off her thoughts and feelings.

Thoth had been hesitant to let her leave, though. “You look feverish,” he had said, laying his cool, smooth hand on her forehead, a look of concern upon his face. “Are you feeling alright?”

Manon said yes, and he let her go to the musical. Truth be told, Manon was only “feverish” because she was in his presence and was blushing wildly.

And now, she found herself here….

“More whiskey, miss?” The bartender asked her.

Manon nodded and slid her glass over. “Sure. Just a bit more, though. I don’t want to get wasted.” She chuckled a bit.

The bartender nodded back and went to go pour her drink.

A man who Manon hadn’t even noticed sat down on the stool next to her.

“French, eh?” He asked in a gruff, vaguely southern-US accent. He was a large, hulking man who obviously frequented the gym. His appearance reminded Manon of a modern Gaston from Beauty and the Beast.

Eyeing him suspiciously, Manon nodded. “Yes. From Montpellier.”

The man let out a whistle. “From what I’ve heard, the French are notorious for their lovin’. Is that true?”

Oh, so he’s one of those guys. Manon rolled her eyes. “I don’t know and I don’t fucking care,” she grumbled, turning away from him.

The man frowned. “I was just askin’ a question.”

“A weird one,” Manon muttered.

The man didn’t answer. Manon received her drink and took a sip. The man spoke again.

“I like that dress on you. Really shows off your beautiful ass.”

Manon almost choked on her drink. “Ex-Excuse me?”

“You have a beautiful ass,” the man murmured, leaning closer to her, his arm starting to wrap around her waist.

The shock wore off, and before the man could do anything, Manon picked up her drink and poured it all over the man’s face. Whiskey dripped down from his face in golden-brown drops as he glared at Manon.

“Bitch! I was giving you a compliment!”

“And touching me inappropriately!” Manon yelled back, not caring that the whole bar was staring at them now. She was pissed now. “And your comment was creepy! Who the hell compliments a stranger’s ass? Get away from me, creep!”

She moved to get up and find somewhere else to sit, but the man grabbed her elbow, yanking her back down. Letting out a yell, Manon snatched her arm from his grip. The man retaliated by shoving her, causing her to fall backwards off the stool.

Manon landed on her back, hissing at the impact. The skirt of her dress was all messed up, and Manon was thankful that she had the foresight to wear shorts beneath it.

She tried to get up, but the man kicked her down again. The bartender and a few bystanders tried to restrain this man, but his strength made this an impossible task.

He kicked again, causing a sharp pain to shoot through Manon’s ribs. Despite this, Manon tried to get up to beat this guy’s ass, but the man pushed her back down and tried to punch her, which Manon dodged with almost-expert reflexes.

The bartender and bystanders once again tried to restrain this man, but their efforts were futile. The man managed to break free of their clutches, and as he did so, he swung his arm and fist back, ready to punch Manon again.

Before Manon had time to react, an iridescent hieroglyphic flashed across the man’s face. Manon had time to just read it before it sank into the man’s forehead. Calm.

The man pacified instantly. “Sorry,” he mumbled in a dreamy voice, the voice of a mortal under the influence of magic. “I didn’t realize you were taken. My bad.”

He walked away before anyone, whether Manon or the bartender or the bystanders, had time to say anything.

“Are you alright?” Thoth asked, appearing in front of Manon and offering her a hand. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern. “Are you hurt?”

Dozens of thoughts cluttered Manon’s mind, and she turned pink and desperately tried to find some way to verbalize all of them, but only one of them managed to be said, the most important one.

“Why...why are you here?”

“According to my calculations based on all known information about the musical and its venue and location, I estimated that your time of arrival back to my place would be around 10:45 PM, give or take ten to fifteen minutes,” Thoth began. “But that time period passed, so I decided to find your location, in case something happened to you. You seemed feverish earlier, and I was hoping that you didn’t fall ill while on your way from the musical.”

He frowned, putting his hand once again against Manon’s forehead. “You still look and feel feverish...though I suppose it could be the result of the alcohol you’ve consumed and the fight against that...moron.”

Manon blushed even more and gently pushed his hand away. “I’m fine, I’m fine, it was just the fight and the whiskey.”

Well, she wasn’t fine, she was fairly certain she broke a rib, but Thoth didn’t need to know that at the moment.

Thoth nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Very well.” He then tilted his head. “I saw that man kick near your rib cage. No pain around there?”

Ah shit.

“They hurt a bit,” Manon said, biting her lip and looking away. “Not much, though. I’ll be fine.”

That was a lie, they actually hurt more than a bit, but Manon didn’t want Thoth to worry about her, even if she would like it if he did. She was just his mortal assistant. Nothing more.

“Very well,” Thoth said again. “I can take a look at them once we get back to my building.”

“I sure hope you can,” Manon joked, looking back at Thoth, a grin dancing on her lips. As her gaze returned to him, she noticed his outfit. He wore a maroon button-down shirt, which was tucked into a pair of purple pinstripe pants with suspenders. A black bow tie hung from his collar. Manon turned even redder.

“You like nice,” she complimented, her mischievous grin turning into a shy smile. Thoth smiled back.

“Why thank you. I didn’t want to stand out too much here.” His eyes moved up and down Manon’s body, analyzing her outfit of a black dress with lace sleeves. “You look nice as well.”

Manon grinned. “Thanks.”

The two kind of just looked at one another for a few moments, then Thoth looked away, clearing his throat. “Well, shall we head back?”

Manon nodded. Thoth offered her his hand again, and Manon took it this time, standing up. She wondered if Thoth used lotion or if his hands were naturally that soft.

He let go of her hand and started leading her towards the front door of the bar. Manon followed, her walking wobbly due to the bit of alcohol she’d had and the pain in her ribs.

As soon as they were outside the bar, Thoth looked back at her and noticed her difficulties walking. Manon thanked the gods that she decided not to wear high heels that night.

“Do you need help walking?” Thoth asked, his voice gentle.

Manon nodded. “I’d appreciate that. I’d like to not die before we get back.”

Thoth smiled at her joke and walked towards her, offering her his arm. Manon took it, appreciating his kindness as well as the firmness of his muscles, though she’d never admit that to anyone.

They walked together, Manon using Thoth’s arm to steady herself as they walked in the direction of the university where Thoth’s building was located. It wasn’t too far of a walk, thankfully, maybe just ten or fifteen minutes, but Manon was thankful for Thoth’s presence. She knew that walking alone in the city at that time of night could be dangerous for a young woman like Manon, especially if she was intoxicated. Of course, she could always use her magic and fighting skills to take down any mortal threat, but that would be rather difficult for even a mildly intoxicated person.

People smiled at the two as they walked, obviously assuming that Manon and Thoth were a couple. Why people were out on the streets that late, Manon had no idea. Thoth seemed to pay no attention to them, focusing straight ahead. Manon just blushed and focused on walking like a normal, functioning human being, ignoring the pain in her ribs.

They were almost to the university when Manon decided to break the silence that stretched between them.

“Thank you.”

“What for?” Thoth asked. Manon giggles slightly. Gods, he was so adorable.

“For saving me from that douche in the bar. And for walking me back and letting me use you as a support. And for, well, everything, I guess. For allowing me to exist in your home and exist in your life. For...being my friend.” Manon looked away, suddenly ashamed of her giving of gratitude.

To her surprise, Thoth gave her a gentle smile, a smile that seemed to ease her pain and dissipate her embarrassment. A smile that brought her joy and a sense of security and comfort whenever she saw it.

“Of course. Anything for you.”

The End

Word Count: 2626

#TKC #tkc oc #tkc fanfiction #tkc fanfic #tkc fic #the Kane Chronicles #kane chronicles #rick riordan #riordanverse #riordanverse oc #tkc thoth #mod sav #fanfiction #fanfic #manon fournier

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insvisiblestrings · 5 years

Text

A Chat About Mental Health

So if you didn’t know it is mental health awareness month and I happen to be diagnosed with a few of the most stigmatized illnesses as well as a few that typically aren’t stereotyped as belonging to people like me. So I want to.. talk about it. In hopes to break some stigma, break some stereotypes, and maybe even inspire someone to hold on? That’s asking a lot, so, let’s just see where this takes us.

I was a sad anxious lil kid. I was praised for being so polite and mature and in reality I was being hit at home and I wasn’t shy, I was anxious. When I went to my grandma’s after school I would eat and eat until I could feel anything at all, anything other than the shame of having no friends. I will skip the triggering details but I eventually saw a psychologist who did horrible things to me, I was seven. So at the age of seven I was anxious, I was traumatized, and I had been engaging in disordered eating for about 3 years. I also had the perfect storm of genetics and a bad home life where my brain just went bad. Not bad like evil, more like an avocado you forgot about in the fridge. I was a good kid, a good thing. But the mush inside was not good. I had violent, angry outbursts. I started self harming when I was 9, banging my head into walls and touching radiators too long. At 10 the panic attacks started and to cope with them I would count anything and everything, obsessively. If I was interrupted I would panic even more. At 11 I graduated to other types of self harm, mixed with too many pills, and at 12 I went on my first diet, which involved a sticky note on my bedroom door saying “do not go get food”. Looking back I see my diagnoses plain as day, a neon sign above my childhood memories of “this is when you started!” and other times just a question mark of habits I don’t ever remember living without.

I do not remember my teenage years. I remember bits and bobs, but not the way I remember my childhood, which is so cleanly divided by year. It is a blur of “why are you like this” and “maybe this time the treatment will work.”

Things I do remember: the first time I threw a fit in the school cafeteria because my friend put her cheese into my salad (14), passing out and hitting my head on the stove on christmas morning (15), having a heart attack in 4th period english (16), long nights of texting my friend how scared I was the blood wouldn't stop (17), crying as I walked across campus (18), the onset of kidney failure from dehydration (19), and lying to my loved ones (14-19).

My teenage years were a blur of waiting rooms and bathrooms and my bathroom scale, the nutrition facts of my favorite foods and the taste of Kim K’s diet pills (grape, blegh). I saw a lot of people who didn’t do a lot to help. I got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Bulimia, EDNOS, and social anxiety. When I got to college I tried to commit suicide... four times. I got hospitalized and tried so hard to do better, to be better, to get better. It did not stick. I saw a psychiatrist on campus, we tried on a lot of diagnoses. I drank a lot of Ensure, I cried a lot. I screamed at her for daring to tell me what I did not want to hear.

She diagnosed me with: Anorexia Nervosa (purging type), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, and the cherry on top: “Parker I’m afraid you’re on the path to becoming an alcoholic.”

Life with these is not easy. For one, people are annoying as hell. Joking about having OCD when you mean, “organized.” Thinking that people with personality disorders are “abusive and scary.” Or, and this is maybe the worst one, thinking that only combat veterans get PTSD. Eye. Roll. Also the “you’re not thin enough to be anorexic” and “you don’t seem crazy.” But what is life actually like when I am, lowkey, crazy? It is listening to Taylor Swift while eating a meal I really do not want to eat. It is learning to plan for down the road, because I will be alive many years from now. It’s trying my very best to put kindness into the world despite the horrible things in my mind.

I saw that psychiatrist last in June of 2018. Since then I went off my meds, attempted suicide twice, contemplated suicide a thousand times, went through another traumatizing event and got PTSD: The sequel, and also I relapsed with my eating disorder like, a billion times. I made a post on here in August about being 10 months into recovery. I relapsed the very next week. Then again. And again. This is when my kidneys almost failed, and I was told “you’re going to treatment” and my insurance said “no he isn’t” and I had to not die at home. and also it was Thanksgiving. Anyone else in recovery from an ED: you feel my pain on that one. I also celebrated a very happy christmas, I baked a lot of treats and I actually ate them!! I went vegan for the best reasons and I did not lose weight doing so. I cried in a very fancy restaurant but I ate my whole freakin meal and that became a favorite spot for us. I stopped telling people “I’m bipolar, not borderline” and admitted that I am, indeed, borderline. OCD is still a bitch, I need to be back on prozac. My room is a mess, just saying! But I think that my loved ones will die in a crash if I do not say “drive safe” and close the door 3 times and count the minutes until they get where they are going.

In short: Life went on, and had very happy moments. Life dragged on, and left me feeling miserable. At this point in time I am 3 months into recovery from my eating disorder and I am struggling but I want to get better, truly, and that’s something. I am kind of suicidal lately, to be honest. I have angry outbursts and I cried in public the other day. But I’m about two months clean from self harm, and I told my boyfriend that I was feeling rough and needed extra support. I got told the other day that I look like I’ve lost weight and I tried so so hard to stay off the scale. I caved. I have lost a little weight. I can recognize that isn’t something to be happy about, even if I am a little bit happy. I am still struggling, that I can say. PTSD is here to stay, as is BPD. Manageable but not curable, that’s just my life. I am moving forward beyond the years of waiting rooms and hospital walls. I smile every day. I struggle, but I am miles away from where I was at 10, 15, 17.

That’s my mental health story. It’s still in progress, but I hope it can show that some form of upward movement is possible. I am both a “it gets better” moment and in need of some “it gets better” inspiration. Thanks for reading if you did :) If you ever have questions about how I try to get better, or about my illnesses please send me an ask! I love talking about it, I needed someone to tell young me that I wasn’t ok and there were answers and help out there.

#mental health awareness month #anorexia recovery #borderline personality disorder #actuallyocd #ptsd

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curlicuecal · 6 years

Note

This is kind of a self-indulgent question, but how do you deal with people who VERY BADLY want to be your internet friend, and they'd be Crushed if you stopped talking to them, but you just don't have the energy for it/are beginning to resent them for it? (And for other reasons you can't bring up because whiffs of criticism squeeze their "I'm a terrible person" reflex)

Oh, gosh. As someone who has been on BOTH sides of this experience, this speaks to me right where I live.

If you’re at all like me, this stuff is difficult from several angles:

Firstly, I like people to be happy and not unhappy. If I can do things to make people happy, I tend to want to do them. Other people’s (un)happiness often feels like it weighs more strongly than my own (un)happiness.

Secondly, I am extremely rejection-sensitive myself, so this ups my perception of the harm to the other person. It also makes the whole topic feel extremely charged, b/c if *I* secretly don’t like this person for no reason they can control then maybe other people secretly don’t like me for reasons I can’t control. Maybe all my friends secretly hate me! (They don’t. I’ve checked.)

Thirdly, if I’m honest, I would like to be able to reject someone in a way that somehow causes zero change in their opinion of me, see previous All People Must Like Me At All Times Or I’ve Failed As A Human Being. (Also not true. I’ve checked on that one, too.)

Soooo yeah. This is one of those easier-as-a-bystander things, but here’s some things that have helped me.

-Untangle what you do control from what you don’t

You are in charge of your feelings and your actions. You CAN’T control (or even 100% predict) how the other person will react to them, so stop assigning yourself the task of being feelings!forecaster and emotions!wrangler.

Sometimes things in life (like you not manifesting the correct feelings) will make people feel bad in ways you can’t actually prevent or control. Give yourself permission to not try. Break ups hurt, and the idea that there is a Magical Correct Perfect way that will cause no hard feelings is, sadly, not a real thing. Pull off the band-aid fast or slow or however the heck you prefer. It’s gonna come off.

-Try not to project

Worth emphasizing: If they haven’t said it out loud, you don’t actually know what they’re thinking or feeling. Mind reading is a cognitive distortion, so try to spot when you’re falling into it. Ditto for fortune-telling (you don’t know how they’re going to react) or catastrophizing.

-Practice enthusiastic consent in relationships

Seriously. Do this *today.* Every time you find yourself in a position where you need decide to skype/message/reply/hang out with/otherwise spend emotional energy on this person" check in on your consent. Do you enthusiastically want to?

If not: don’t.

It is amazing how often this idea feels revolutionary. But you don’t owe strangers (or your friends) make-outs or sex just because it would make them happy, and similarly you don’t owe them a deep, emotional feelings jam. Or even a relationship. Neutrality towards someone is not harm.

Guilt is a toxic as fuck relationship dynamic, Do Not Do.

-Sometimes people don’t click

It’s not a referendum on someone’s character if you just don’t feel it the same way. You don’t need to be someone’s friend because they are nice. You don’t need to be someone’s friend just because you don’t have a compelling reason not to be. You don’t actually need a reason to not want to be someone’s friend. There are several billion perfectly nice people in the world you will not have time to be in either a platonic or romantic relationship with.

Also, having incompatible relationship needs doesn’t necessarily mean EITHER of you need to change as a person. It just means you have incompatible needs.

If you feel bad for not being able to be the Nice Thing in this person’s life, go leave a comment on someone’s fanwork. There, you’ve brightened someone’s day.

-It’s not rude to not answer someone on the internet

This one’s hard for me! But seriously. Especially the less well you know someone, the less you owe them dropping everything to craft a response of any flavor on demand. Try not to frame it as “ignoring someone speaking to your face” and look at it more as “ignoring someone shouting vaguely in your direction across a crowded room.” I’m bad at small talk, so my rule of thumb is if I don’t have anything in particular to add to a conversation, I just…. don’t. “I liked ur post” does not mandate any particular response.

-Therapists get paid

Therapy is hard, emotionally-draining work aand that is why therapists get paid to do it, and why they only do it in a very specific, limited context. When you engage in therapy as a friend, it should be as part of mutually beneficial relationship. Does this mean that 2 friends always get the same benefits out of a relationship or that 2 friends will always have the same amount of spoons to spend on a relationship at any given time? No. But over the span of years it should probably feel like it evens out.

In my personal experience, starting as someone’s free therapist doesn’t usually work out well in terms of friendship. It feels nice to be helpful, but it’s a weird power imbalance, and best case scenario you’re both eventually going to have to work out new ways to relate to each other. Worst case scenario, one or both people’s spoons drastically change and suddenly you CAN’T continue the current dynamic and nobody’s got a safety net interaction-style to fall back on.

-You can understand and empathize with a reaction without having to prioritize it

You mentioned a “terrible person reflex”. And god, I feel that. But this is one of those areas where both of you have GOT to be aware of who is in charge of handling that reflex. (Hint: it is not you). It’s very similar to struggles with jealousy or any other cognitive distortion– they are real, painful emotions, but as distortions they are not based in reality. People outside your own brain can find some ways to provide reassurance, but they cannot manage them for you. Is there a way you can work out a ritualized shorthand for the long set of reassurances or nimble tap-dancing that it sounds like ensues from this reflex triggering? (Something like: “are we still friends?” “yep!”)

In particular, if you find that expressing a need/feeling leads to you setting that conversation aside for prolonged discussion of the other person’s needs or feelings THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY OR SUSTAINABLE PATTERN.

-Listen to your brain when it wants you to stop doing something that hurts

When you’re experiencing emotional overload, distress, or damage, a healthy brain is gonna take steps to protect you. That resentment? That is your brain giving you armor. That is emotional coping.

If you’re like me, and not always very tuned in to your own needs (I *can* so obviously I *should*). Sometimes your brain will just scale up the shouting (”Seriously, Stop Doing the Thing”) until you have to acknowledge it. One example is the “bitch eating crackers” phenomenon, where your brain escalates resentment of a person to the point where even the way they eat crackers starts to bother you. “Look at that bitch sitting there eating crackers.” This is not a good place to be in in a relationship. Repression is not a sustainable interaction style in a relationship.

-People that love you want you to be happy

If you are unhappy, that is important. If your happiness requires you taking a step back, *even in a way that hurts the other person*, most of your friends will want you to take that step. Plus side: this means that sharing a relationship problem will trigger good friends’ protective problem-solving rather than defensiveness. Or at the very least you know what they would want for you if they were in a better place.

The corollary to this is, of course, people that don’t value your happiness are not worth pouring your emotional energy into.

-If you’re waiting for the Thing That Will Give You Permission to Leave, “I want to” is sufficient reason

I have to include this because it is so damn important. Seriously. If you want out of a relationship, this is your sign. Go.

-Be aware that “do this or I’ll hurt myself” is also abuse

Also so damn important. Threats of physical violence to coerce behavior are Not Good. Run run run.

-You aren’t required to invest work in fixing a relationship, but if you DO want to put it in, here are some quick thoughts:

Switch to only engaging in ways, frequencies, and topics that you find rewarding. (ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT. DESIST FROM EMOTIONAL SUPPRESSION.)

State your needs without feeling the required to offer detailed explanation or justification. (“I’m really stressed lately, so I need to only talk about casual things”)

Resist the urge to get drawn into guilt spirals. (”I’m not mad” + restate need).

Resist engaging with stuff that violates boundaries you’ve communicated–just ignore and switch the topic. Redirect any too-heavy stuff to other channels. (“Sounds like you need a therapist to talk to”; “Ugh, that sounds stressful, hope you find someone that can help you through that”; “Sounds like something you two will need to work out together”; + TOPIC CHANGE).

Shift some of the relationship work to the other person, such as strategizing ways to balance conflicting needs.

Frankly what I’m hearing from you is “I want to stop” so…. yeah, you can stop. Official Stranger On the Internet permission given.

ps, check out Captain Awkward’s tag on The African Violet of Broken Friendship, highly recommend.

#Anonymous #advice #curlicue has opinions #1k

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nubnubblr · 6 years

Text

If You Do .1

Masterlist

THEA

"I really don't want to be here," BM whined, for the 100th time since we walked in the door, five minutes ago.

"We know," Charlie rolled here eyes.

"We've literally been here five minutes," I frowned.

"That's five minutes more than I wanted to be here," he grumbled.

"Dude, seriously," Sam chimed in.

"I'm just going to complain the whole time we're here, you should just let me go home,"

"You'll get bored with complaining eventually," I shrugged.

"No, I won't,"

"It's your money, you're building, and you have to live in it. You should at least have a say in what is bought," I tired to reason.

"Just take my card and get me a comfortable lounge, I don't actually care what it looks like," he held out his credit card waving it around.

"I'm not spending your money without you being here, besides, Sam can't lift things on his own and Charlie and I can't lift things. We need your muscles,"

"You can totally lift things, you actually scare me with your manual labour ability," he frowned.

"Yeah, well, I don't want to, besides we won't fit everything in Charlie's car and she won't let you drive it, so suck it up and enjoy,"

"Yo, what's our budget here?" Sam asked.

"Should we have really brought him here?" I turned to Charlie.

"Even if we hadn't told him, he would have sensed we were coming here, he has an IKEA radar. The amount of time he spends here on his own," she shook her head.

"Like you two in Target are any better," BM frowned.

"We only buy the essentials," I glared.

"You have two fruit bowls," he raised an eyebrow.

"And an empty spice rack for more spices than you two will ever actually use," he added.

"We need two fruit bowls, you boys are over more often than not and always eat our fruit so we have to buy more fruit, thus we need more space to store said fruit. Therefor, we need two fruit bowls. As for our spice rack, it's only empty because it's new and she bakes, and I'm a chef, we need all those spices," I defended.

"Also, shut up," I added.

"You would have made your point so much better if you didn't tell him to shut up," Charlie shook her head.

"The problem with Thea is she keeps talking when she should just stop, especially when she says something stupid, she just carries on, half the time trying to explain what she meant which just makes it worse," Sam stated.

"Shut up Samantha," I frowned.

"You didn't answer my question," Sam turned to BM.

"Just get what we need, beds, lounge, stuff like that," he shrugged.

"You realised he has probably been on Tumblr and the IKEA website, and already planned out the entire space by now, right?" Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever, the bar is finished and the upstairs bathroom has been paid for,"

BM had bought a building a few months ago and had just finished renovating the ground level from an outdated restaurant into a bar. Something he had been wanting to do since before we were in high school. The building's second floor, I assume use to be used as an office space or possibly a studio apartment seeing as it had a functioning bathroom, if you could call it that. So BM, who had just put basically all of his money into buying and renovating the bar, decided that he would use the office as a living space for him, Sam and our other friend Jae, who's jobs pay little and infrequently. It's a smart plan, except BM hates shopping and they're all currently sleeping on foam mattresses on the floor of the empty space. Which brings us here, to IKEA, which happens to be one of Sam's favourite places.

"Did you just give him a limitless budget?" Charlie frowned.

"God no, the budget is about half of whatever is in my account right now,"

"Only half?"

"Mm, the other half is delegated," BM nodded.

"I guess I'll have to work on a budget," Sam nodded.

"Yeah because you have so much money normally," Charlie pulled a face at him. Sam just mimicked the face she pulled and continued walking, BM shuffled his feet next to me continuing to make it obvious that he didn't want to be here. Because he hadn't made that blatantly clear already.

"Stop sulking, we'll be out of here soon enough," I nudged him.

"No we won't, you brought Sam to IKEA, we're going to be here for hours," he huffed as his phone started ringing.

"Hey bro, what's up?"

"Yeah we're not there, I've been kidnapped and dragged to IKEA with the girls, you've got to come save me... Yeah Sam's here too, the spare key should be in the usual place, just drop your stuff off and come down... Okay, see ya,"

"Jae's on his way,"

SAM

My phone buzzed in my pocket, the other four were bickering about the consistent whining which was just redundant. 'Bianca <3' flashed across the screen, I let out a sigh and slid it back into my pocket. The ringing stopped, and it started ringing again, when it rang for a third time I gave up on ignoring it and answered it.

"Hey," I sighed.

"Hey, I tried calling, where are you?" she asked as if we hadn't spoken less than twenty minutes ago.

"I told you I was going out, we're at IKEA getting some things for the apartment," I answered absently looking through the display room.

"You should have said so, I would have come with you, I know you hate IKEA, and I have killer interior design skills," I wouldn't call an entirely orange and pink apartment with tacky miniature statues and leopard print everywhere, killer interior design skills.

"It wasn't planned, it was another one of Thea's spontaneous ideas,"

"Thea," she hummed,

"Is Charlie there too?"

"Thea's here so,"

"Well I'm not doing anything, I'll come and help, you're apartment will need a feminine touch and god knows those girls don't have it,"

"It's okay, we won't be here too long, I'll just come to see you once we're done and we'll go get something to eat or something,"

"I don't mind really, I'll just get changed and be right there,"

"B, really we won't be long,"

"Love you," she chimed before hanging up.

"Was that Beunka?" Charlie asked, saying her name in the pretentious way Bianca insists it's pronounced.

"It was," I nodded

"Checking in?"

"Something like that, yo, checkout that bed," I changed the subject. It wasn't exactly hard to figure out that the girls and Bianca didn't get along, Charlie especially didn't like Bianca and Bianca was unnecessarily jealous of Charlie, she made it a point to try and be around me every time Charlie was.

"I see you in more of a racing car sort of bed," she teased.

"Have you ever though of stand-up? I mean you're hilarious," I rolled my eyes going to actually look at the loft style bed. It was the style of bed I was looking for.

"I resent your sarcasm,"

"In that case, I believe you should resent almost all of yourself," I countered.

"You don't know me,"

"Hey is anyone else hungry?" Thea asked.

"I could eat," Charlie shrugged.

"Why don't we grab some food while we wait for Jae?" she suggested.

"Sounds like a plan, anything is better than shopping," BM continues to whine.

"Dude, shut up, no one likes a whiny bitch," Thea frowned at him.

"Some people do," Charlie shrugged making a small dig at Bianca.

"Let's get food," Thea smirked.

"Does anyone even know where the food court is?" BM asked, they all paused and turned to me.

"What? Because I've been here a billion times you think I know where everything is?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah pretty much," was the general consensus.

"This way," I lead them towards the food.

"See," Thea stated smugly.

"No one likes a dick Thea," BM smirked at here.

"Not true," she smirked back winking.

"We can't take you anywhere," he shook his head at her.

"We can't take either of them anywhere," I pointed out, honestly they were as bad as each other.

"Good thing we brought you here then, huh?" Thea rolled her eyes.

"Like you two are any better, the only difference is we're funny and you're lame," Charlie shrugged.

"You think you're funny," BM muttered.

"Better to think we're funny than look funny like someone we know," Thea looked directly at him.

"Are you sure you're not actually 4?"

"Only mentally," she shrugged.

They continued to bicker back and forth while I lead them to the food court, Charlie added a comment here and there which threw BM off guard for a few seconds, long enough for Thea to throw a comeback at him. In the end he gave up, and sulked a little which only made them ridicule him some more.

"Look, food," I stated in an attempt to save him.

"Why are you looking at me? You eat more in one meal that both of us combined, in a whole day," Thea defended herself from and attack I wasn't staging.

"I was simply pointing out we were in the food court because you wanted food, do you not remember?"

"Probably not, her memory is as bad as the men she's attracted too," Charlie took the opportunities to make fun of her.

The two had a running joke, Thea liked old men and Charlie liked children. Every time, we'll not every time but quite frequently, if Thea finds a guy attractive he turns out to be over 30 and if it's Charlie finding a guy attractive he's between 18 and 20 which in her head is a child, in reality, they're only 4-6 years younger than her.

"Yeah well at least mine have memories, will yours even retain their memories yet?"

"They have their whole life to develop memories, yours are basically dust, they grow older as rapidly as they lose their memories,"

"That's how I like my men, old and dusty, at least they don't smell like a baby,"

"That's disgusting," Charlie pulled a disgusted face, if you didn't know her you would think it was the old and dusty comment, it was actually the baby smell comment, the smell itself actually makes her sick, she boarder line throws up. It's probably a good thing she hates children because I don't think she could handle having them.

"It still confuses me that you can literally use you bare hand to pick up any kind of animal poop, you don't even flinch if they get any form of bodily fluid on you but the slight smell of a newborn and you're out of that room so quick you would think it contained a plague," BM shook his head.

"Animals are adorable, babies a gross and sticky, I'm confused as to why people choose to have them,"

"You realize you were a baby once right?" He frowned.

"I didn't choose to have me, I would have aborted me," she shrugged.

"I would have aborted you too," Thea agreed.

"Like anyone else would understand what you're saying," Charlie countered.

"I have BM,"

"Who only understands you half the time,"

"It's not my fault he's dumb," she shrugged.

"I'm not dumb," BM drowned

"Yes you are," Thea nodded.

Arguing with her was pointless, she'll just keep going until she gets bored and then she'll tell me to shut up. I swear she has the mentality of a toddler, a cranky over tired toddler.

"Just sit down," he rolled his eyes.

"You can't tell me what to do,"

"So you're just going to stand there the whole time?"

"No, I'm going to sit down, but only because I want to, not because to told me too,"

"You really showed me," I replied sarcastically.

"Shut up," she pulled a face.

"Child," I retorted.

"You realizes you're as bad as each other right?" Charlie raised an eyebrow.

"We are not," we both said at the same time.

"Thea is worse than me,"

"Yeah," she agreed.

"Can we just get food so we can get back to what we came here for?" Sam stated.

"He's getting IKEA itchy," Thea smirked.

"He's always IKEA itchy," Charlie stated.

"Where is Jae?" Sam ignored them.

"On his way, why?"

"Because he'll keep her entertained," Sam nodded to Charlie.

"One, don't refer to me as if I'm an infant, that's gross, and two he'll just join in and you know it,"

"She's right," Thea nodded.

"I'm always right," Charlie shrugged.

"You've been wrong before," I stated without thinking.

"Name one time I was wrong?" She challenged.

"Dude, she doesn't argue, comment, or make statements if she doesn't know she's right," Thea shook her head at me.

I was sure she had been wrong about something before. So I tried to think about it but I couldn't remember at this point.

"See" Charlie stated smugly after what felt like about five minutes of my inability to think of one.

"Never wrong," Thea smirked a millisecond later.

"Can we just eat?" I sighed.

"No one is stopping you," she nodded.

"What does everyone want? I asked.

"Why are you paying?" Thea teased.

"If it gets me away from you for five minutes,"

"That was mean," she frowned and pouted.

"You're annoying," I shrugged.

"I'm bored, I've been bored all week. Having nothing to do after working full time will drive a person crazy you know,"

"What's your excuse for when you were working?" I countered.

"I have to deal with you," she shrugged.

"You should try dealing with you,"

"If Charlie can deal with me I'm sure you can,"

"Charlie is as broken as you,"

"No, I'm not," she shook her head.

"Okay, she's on the same level of broken as you, just not as bad,"

"You're so mean when you're forced into going shopping," she pulled a face at me.

"Hello," Sam sighed.

We stopped bickering thinking he was talking to us but he was on the phone.

"We're in the food court, just follow the yellow line on the floor until you find the sign that says food court, yeah, okay just stay there and I'll come get you, bye," he hung up the phone and stood up.

"I'll be back in a minute," he stated leaving the table.

"Where are you going? Jae knows how to follow a coloured line," I frowned.

"It's Bianca not Jae," he said before leaving.

"Did anyone else know she was coming?" Thea pulled a face.

"No," Charlie also pulled a face.

"It explains why he has to go find her," Thea stated.

"Seriously, this is not what I had in mind when you said we were going to IKEA," Charlie rolled her eyes clearly annoyed.

"I didn't invite her," Thea defended.

"Well obviously," Charlie shot back.

"Play nice you two,"

"Shut up BM," they said in unison, which eased their irritation slightly seeing as they both laughed a little.

"Dude, does she even know the difference between a bed and a lamp?" Thea questioned.

"Of course she does, a bed is what she sleeps with Sam on, a lamp is what he turns off so he doesn't have to look at her when he's doing it," Charlie nodded.

"With that logic, she might think a lounge is also a bed, and probably the floor and a shower," I commented.

"Dude I don't want to hear about their sex life," Charlie pulled a face.

"Is it morally okay for him to sleep with someone that has the mental age of a toddler?" Thea asked sounding a little too serious.

"Toddlers are smarter that her," Charlie stated.

"You two are so savage," I shook my head.

"You should hear what we say about you," Thea smirked.

"That you're eternally in love with me?"

"Not even in your dreams," she shook her head.

CHARLIE

It didn't take long for Sam to come back with Bianca. Yay. I noticed her hair first, her usually very bleached, probably severely damaged, bottle blond hair was still mostly the same, except she had ombréd pink through the bottom, which interestingly enough, was the exact hairstyle I had the last time I'd seen her. Not that I was surprised.

"Hey everyone," she plastered on a smile, I'm guessing it was fake seeing as Sams face held a slightly bored, slightly annoyed expression which he normally had when Bianca was annoyed and had tried to argue with him about what ever it was that had annoyed her. Probably my presents here. She was consistently pulling me aside and trying to warn and or threaten me to 'stay away from her man' which honestly only made me hang out with Sam more, mostly to spite her but partially to see if she would do anything because I was certain she only knew how to act threatening, or at least try. Please, my kitten holds more of a threat.

"Oh, you have a new hair style?" Thea asked slowly.

"Yeah, I just had it done. Do you like it?" She smiled smugly. That girl spends way too much money on her appearance, and it's not helping.

"I got kind of bored with it after about a week," I shrugged.

"I thought I'd seen it somewhere before," Thea nodded.

She had a habit of doing that, if I did something, or wore something, she would either do something extremely similar or just out right copy it. Honestly, she was probably insecure about how close Sam and I are, she should be more worried about the fact that Sam is only with her out of convenience.

"Let's eat," BM stated.

"Do you want something?" He turned to Bianca.

"Can I get something with no sugar, no carbs, no gluten or dairy, and is fat-free?"

"So, water?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well she can't use up her calories this early in the day," Thea smirked.

"How many calories are you Sam?" Jae walked up behind him.

"Dude," BM frowned.

"What?"

"That's gross,"

"Thea put the idea out there, I just asked,"

"Thea shouldn't speak half the time," BM stated.

"Hey," she pulled a face.

"I hear Thea puts a lot out there," Bianca made an attempt at joining in on the usual banter, the issue there is, none of us liked her, not even Sam. Which meant it was okay for us to attack each other but it was not okay for her to do it.

This was clear by the way everyone stopped joking, BM looked over at Thea who looked both shocked and like she wanted to jump over the table, I half though she would, half knew she wouldn't at least not in such a public setting. Jae looked amused by the whole situation, but he usually was.

"That wasn't okay," BM stated slowly.

"Yeah That was kind of mean," Sam added with a small frown.

"Why? I was joking?" Bianca was completely oblivious to the mood.

"You're a joke," I shot.

"You think I'm funny?" She smiled not getting the insult.

"I think it's funny that Sam chooses to continue to put it in someone with an IQ of negative,"

"Charlie," BM shoot me a warning look.

"What? It's not my fault she doesn't understand when she's being insulted,"

"I think I would understand if someone was hitting me,"

"I said insulted not assaulted," I rolled my eyes.

"What's the difference?"

THEA

Charlie was getting more annoyed the longer their conversation continued. Sam looked uncomfortable, Bianca was literally too dumb to know she was being insulted but Sam knew, he wasn't an angry person so he wasn't going to get mad at Charlie for it, but that didn't mean he was okay with it either. Sometimes I felt bad for attaching her, in front of him anyway.

"Insulted is done verbally, assaulted is done physically," BM frowned explained trying to defuse the tension. Idiot.

"She'll figure out the difference on her own if she keeps talking," I stated.

"What?"

"There is really no point explaining it, why don't we just eat and get this over with?" Charlie rolled her eyes.

"That's a great idea ChaCha," Bianca used my nickname for Charlie, which the boys barely got away with using and they only got away with it sometimes.

"Don't call me that," Charlie stared at her seriously.

"Why?"

"Only I get to call her that," I answered, to an outsider it probably seemed childish.

"Oh relax Theo, were all friends here," she shrugged this time using Charlie's nickname for me, which made me more mad.

"One, were not all friends, and two, you can't use our nicknames for each other because we don't like you, these three don't even get to use those nicknames and we at least kind of like them," Charlie stated but again the tone and complete message of her comment completely evaded Bianca.

"We're totally friends,"

"Okay B, you know how you only let your grandmother call you Bianca?" Sam stepped in.

"I don't let her, she's just too dumb to know how it's actually pronounced,"

"My point is you don't get mad when she calls you Bianca but you get mad when everyone else does?"

"Yeah, because it's pronounced Beunka,"

"This is the same kind of thing, only they can call each other by those nicknames because they get mad if anyone else does it,"

"Why? They're nicknames it's not like it's their real names,"

"Seriously, a brick wall has a higher IQ," Charlie shook her head.

"What is an IQ,"

"Why don't we just skip eating," I stated slowly, the less time we had to spend with Bianca the better.

JACKSON

I walked through the door and set the box on the table, the TV was on so I was assuming Mark was also the home for lunch, until he walked out of the bathroom clearly just having showered.

"Sick day?" I raised an eyebrow.

"There was nothing to do and I can do nothing at home," he shrugged.

"Right, do you actually do work anymore?"

"I do boss stuff,"

"Okay boss man I have pizza, because some of us only have lunch off and can't sit at home all day,"

"You choose to work, why are you home?"

"Because I'm apparently working in the city for the next two weeks," I sighed.

"And that's bad?"

"Do you know how much of a pain it is to work in the city? With rude assholes and everyone is a rush to get to where every they're going?"

"Dude, I work in the city permanently,"

"You sit in a CEO office while your slaves do the foot work,"

"What's your point?"

"I work on the street in the weather with the people, and they're not very nice,"

"Again you choose to work, no one forced you, besides one phone call and you wouldn't have to work in the city. So, I'm not really seeing the issue, I mean you're home for lunch and you'll be home like almost two hours earlier than normal,"

"I don't like working in the city,"

"Whatever, where's the pizza?" He shrugged.

We were finally leaving IKEA, two and a half hours later. We would probably have spent more time and had more fun, or any kind of fun, if Bianca hasn't of been here. The girls were annoyed, mostly Charlie, probably because whatever Charlie pointed out for, not just Sam, but any of us, she insulted and pointed out something she thought was better - it wasn't. Then Bianca would get mad because we chose what Charlie or Thea pointed out, that gave the two a small victory but it didn't seem to minimize the irritation levels at all. You would think the tension would ease when we left the building, but it didn't.

"So where to now?" Jae asked once we'd finished loading the flat pack furniture onto the back of my Ute, the smaller items had gone into the back seat and boot of Charlies Mini Cooper.

"Well this isn't going to put itself together," Charlie nodded to the pile of boxes.

"So home?"

"Obviously," Charlie stated.

"Should we get something for lunch on the way? Like a hot chicken and some bread rolls?" Thea suggested, she was like a mother sometimes, when she wasn't a four year old anyway.

"Sam and I can get it," Bianca suggested. The girls faces changed.

"Why would you get it?" Charlie frowned.

"We don't have anything in my car, it will be easier,"

"Oh, you're not helping," Charlie shook her head.

"Sure we are," Bianca smiled.

"Sam," Charlie gave him a serious look.

"Charlie's rights, Beunka took time out to come and help with shopping when she didn't have to. You should take her to lunch to thank her," I suggested, Sam nodded understanding what I was doing.

It was bad enough having them all in IKEA, if we left Bianca in a small space with Charlie, Thea, and tools, it probably won't end well. It's worrying enough letting Thea handle tools, let alone giving them a target.

"That's a good idea, let's go to lunch,"

"We can't just leave them to do it, if there's more people not will get done quicker,"

"Like you'll be any help anyway," Thea rolled her eyes.

"No I don't think it will, besides the room isn't very big so it will just be cramped with a lot of people being in there," Sam stated ignoring Thea's comment.

"I really feel like we should help,"

"Why don't we go to that restaurant you wanted to go to, the one your friend was bragging about?"

"Really? I thought you didn't want to go?"

"But you want to, so do you want to go to lunch?" Sam pushed.

"Of course, sorry guys we'll help next time,"

"Yay," Charlie rolled her eyes sarcastically.

CHARLIE

"Do you think I could run her over and claim it was an accident?" Thea asked.

"She's too dumb to think it was on purpose, and if she did it wouldn't take much to convince her otherwise,"

"If she lived," Thea shrugged starting the car.

We followed behind BM's truck and Bianca followed behind us, for a minute I was worried that she had changed her mind about going to lunch and had decided the come and help us instead.

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salt-sass-and-lyrium · 6 years

Text

Problems in tech support #???/??? aka “How do you not know how to turn it off and back on again?”

The sheer amount of people who don’t know how to turn a computer off and on, or what restarting a computer is never fails to amaze me

So I just got off a call with a lady... let’s call her.. Susan. Susan was actually pretty nice, called in to say she was having trouble getting her emails to send after she’d changed her password this morning. TL;DR her Outlook was still trying to connect to the Exchange server with her old password.

I asked if she’d rebooted since changing her password (99% of the time that’s the issue, passwords haven’t sync’d up, restarting fixes it) and she said yes. I asked again:

“You’re sure you restarted? Like, the PC powered off and back on and you logged back in?” “Yes.” “And you did that today, after you changed your password?” “Yes.” “And you’re positive you didn’t just log off, that the PC actually fully shut down and powered back on?” “Yes. I’m sure.”

So I remote in to this lady’s PC and check her up time: 22 hours.

So, literally not possible she restarted her computer today. I again ask if she’s sure she actually hit “restart” and not “log off”

“Yes. Positive.”

FFS

So I reboot the computer, which solves the problem. But the lady gets angry “Why did it work when you did it??!! I restarted before calling you!!”

Me: ... Susan your computer has been on for 22 hours. It’s literally not possible that it was restarted today. Susan: ... 22 hours? Me: Yes. 22 hours. Susan: ... Oh. I guess I logged out Me: Correct. Susan: But... that’t the same thing, right? Logging off, shutting down, restarting... they’re all the exact same?

Long post under the cut

A few more anecdotes since I’m in the sharing mood

I had a dude at my old job... let’s call him Gary. Gary was a piece of shit. He was just an asshole. An asshole who’s goal each day was to just be a fucking dick to people (his own secretary told me that). Unfortunately for me, Gary was also largely computer illiterate, but refused to acknowledge that and would just insist he knew what he was doing (he never did).

Anyway, Gary would call in every few weeks with the same issue: “My computer is moving slow, things are freezing/not opening correctly, programs are crashing, etc”.

And so we’d always ask “Gary, when’s the last time you restarted your computer?”

Now. Gary did not know how to restart his computer. He did not know how to turn it off or on. I literally had to walk him through how to press the power button once, hand to God. In the years I worked there, I spent... I don’t even know how many times, walking Gary through how to restart, telling him how often he should be doing it, etc.

Gary would bounce between two things:

1. He JUST restarted his PC and he’s still having the issue so we don’t know what we’re talking about.

And when we’d remote in and show him that his computer has been on for like 2 months, he’d jump to:

2. He never restarts his computer because it takes too long.

IT TAKES TOO LONG BECAUSE YOU NEVER RESTART IT YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

Anyway, Gary calls in one day with a bunch of issues he “is sure are not fixable” (they absolutely were, super tiny things he should know how to do himself). I check his up time, and realize... it.. to the literal fucking hour and minute, has been on since the last time I restarted it, weeks ago. Gary is going on and on about how he’s been restarting like we tell him to and it doesn’t work so we’re all dumb yada yada yada. I show Gary his up time, then show him the ticket time from the last time I restarted his computer, and that they were the same, and explained “Gary, you cannot possibly be restarting your computer as much as you say. It’s literally been on since the last time I restarted it weeks ago.” Gary seems to take this in stride, asks a few questions (same shit I’ve explained to him time and time again), I help him with all his other issues, he thanks me for my help and we call it a day.

Gary then calls back in after I’ve gone home for the day to “Demand information on [redacted]’s ‘computer restart policy’.”

If it sounds like bullshit, it’s because it is. Because there isn’t one. So when the person who answered explained there isn’t one, but explained that he should be restarting ideally every day, at the bare bare minimum once a week. Gary then starts to complain about me, saying that I’d ‘’called him dumb’, (nope) and ‘laughed at him’ (nope). The analyst, having known me, knows that’s not a thing I would do, so he pressed him. Gary back peddles and says “Well, no, she didn’t call me dumb or laugh... but she was extremely rude.” Analyst asks for more details, because if it were true (it wasn’t) it’s a big deal. Gary back peddles some more says ‘well, no, she was perfectly polite and helpful... but she made me feel stupid (all because I told him he needs to restart his PC)”. Luckily, I’d been with the company long enough where my manager didn’t even look into it because he knew it was bullshit. But still.

A year or two before Gary, there was... Debra. I actually think her actual name was Debra, iirc.

Anyway, Debra was also not very tech savvy, and, surprise surprise, never rebooted her computer. She had a really old Windows PC that she wanted to use to work from home with, and somehow made it work. But, she’d been having troubles getting things to load, things were crashing, freezing, etc. Unfortunately for Debra, when she called in the first few times, she got people who don’t really know what they’re doing, so no one though to check “Hey how long has this computer been on?”

I remote in, and realize that a LOT of the icons on her desktop are super outdated. Like, several updates ago outdated. So I check her up time.

ALMOST 4 FUCKING MONTHS. FOUR. FUCKING. MONTHS. She had not restarted her PC in FOUR GODDAMN MONTHS.

So I point this out to Debra, who asks if that’s the reason behind “all this bullshit” (keep in mind, this is her own personal computer, we are technically not required to help her with it and could’ve told her to go fuck herself). I say “probably” and that we’ll need to restart, but inform her restarting could take a long while, as she’s got 4 fucking months of updates.

Debra: Well! I hope you have the passwords!!! Me: ... the passwords? Debra: YES. The passwords. Since you wanna turn things off.

First of all bitch, I don’t wanna do anything. I’m doing this because I’m nice.

Me: .. the passwords...? To your own personal computer? Debra: *now realizing she sounds stupid* Yeah.. Me: ... Debra...why would I have the passwords to your own personal computer? Debra: *huffs and puffs and starts swearing under her breath*

We restart (keep in mind, I TOLD her it could take a long while because she’s likely got a billion updates), and of course it takes a long while. I hang on the line with her (again, a thing I do not have to do) and the entire time she bitches.

Debra: WELL, how long is this going to take?! Me: Can’t say. Debra: what do you mean you can’t say? Me: Well, you’ve got over 100 updates (it was like 106 or something). Debra: WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY?! Me: ... because you haven’t restarted your computer in almost 4 months. You have about 4 months of updates just from Windows, not to mention from [redacted].

The updates take probably over 30 minutes or so. Again, I don’t have to help this lady, and the long call time is fucking up my stats, which negatively impacts my performance reviews. But I’m nice and want her to be able to work.

Debra spends the entire time screaming and yelling at me, before the updates finish and she goes

“Oh, now it looks like my computer in the office does.”

Yeah... because it’s updated, finally. Debra was a cunt, tbh.

Alright, one more before I get outta here

So right after Windows 8 came out, [redacted] decided to upgrade their systems from XP to 8. Which, huge fucking jump if you’re not tech savvy. So this lady calls in, zero idea what her name was... well call her... Lisa. Lisa calls in to complain because her computer is freezing, running slow, yada yada yada.

I, knowing that with Windows 8, the shut down/restart options are hard to find for many people, ask “Have you been restarting your computer?”

Lisa: Yes! I restart it every night! Me: You sure? You’re sure it’s fully powering off every night? Lisa: YES! I’ve been working on computers longer than you’ve been alive (she sounds fucking ancient so that’s probably true). Me: Ok. It’s just in the Windows 8 OS... Lisa: *cuts me off* *shouts over me* *demands I remote in to her computer*

I remote in, check her up time. About 3 weeks iirc. So I ask Lisa

Me: When you say you’re restarting the computer, powering it off, where are you going to do that? Lisa: ... the uh... welll... Me: Can you show me just so I can see? You said you do it every night, what do you do? Lisa: *now indignant* I go to blah blah and hit sign out. Every night.

... ok so that’s not restarting.

Me: Ok, so that’s not restarting. All the ‘sign out’ option does is sign you out of your Windows account. It does not power the PC down. Lisa: ... No. That’s not what I was told. Me: Told by who? Lisa: *stammers and refuses to answer* Me: Well, if you were told that, you were told wrong, unfortunately. *shows her where the restart and shut down options are* *gives usual ‘the importance of restarting your computer’ speech* Lisa: *proceeds to tell me I’m wrong* *screams at me some more*

Spoiler alert: Restarting her computer fixed her problem.

One thing that always irks me is when people say:

“I’m not a tech. I’m not trained in technical support” etc. Because... you don’t have to be a tech, you don’t have to have any certifications or special training to know how to turn something off and back on again. Especially if it’s something that you own.

TONS of people (mostly iPhone users in my experience) do not know how to turn their phones off. Many of them don’t even know you can. Have no idea where/what the power button is, etc. Like... this is a thing you own, that you likely picked out and bought yourself... learn the basics of how to fucking use it.

#problems in tech support #personal

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