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hanazuma-inactive · 3 years ago

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Hello! This is kind of a long request and well- Hopefully you’re fine with doing temporary Body Swap. :>

So basically Bakugou and his Male S/O are pro heroes and when out on a mission, they both get hit by a villain who has a swap quirk. Basically, they just swapped bodies. (Y/n is in Bakugou’s body and Bakugou is in Y/n’s body, they basically just switched minds.) They are told by the other pro heroes that the two should go home and take the day off. Unfortunately, nobody knows how long the quirk effect will stay, but they were convinced it was only temporary. So the two go back to their shared apartment and the day goes on pretty normal- besides the fact that, you know, they’ve swapped bodies. Though later Y/n gets a bit of an idea. What if he were to f*ck Bakugou in this body? The thought seemed kinda strange at first since he would literally be f*cking his own body, but he couldn’t deny that the thought was turning him on. Especially wanting to see Bakugou’s reaction. So, he basically handcuffs Bakugou to prevent him from struggling and.. while in the middle of doing it, something happens.. Shit! Why did it have to happen now?? Y/n panics in his head as he realizes they just swapped bodies again, and he is now at the mercy of Bakugou Katsuki himself..

I actually sent a request kinda similar to this to someone else but it was a while ago and they haven’t responded so they may not have liked it, or it just didn’t arrive. And sorry for choosing Bakugou again, you just may be able to figure out who my favorite character is.. Sorry for my rambling.

If you don’t wanna do it, that’s fine. Anyways, have a good day/night, man!

in his shoes (nsfw) bakugou x reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: body swapping during sex, bottom and top reader+bakugou, selfcest (?), degrading, bratty behavior, claimming and possesive themes, bondage (handcuffs)

a/n: i really like this concept and i will write it don't worry 😎👍 i usually write all of my requests anyways. im also sorry this took literally 5 years.

_____

katsuki bakugou and y/n bakugou. the two of you have been married for 2 years now after you guys started working as heroes. you both went to UA and graduated at the top of the class. neither of you had time for love or romance resulting in neither of you confessing you feelings for each other. gladly, things managed to work out in the end.

"he's on it again, i need the bakugous here right now."

hearing the police force requesting your assistance, you and your husband show up on the case. it turned out to be the villain that the two of you couldn't capture the last time during patrol.

"HEH?! look y/n, it's this motherfucker again. what's up with this loser, coming back every time it's annoying."

"play nice now katsuki, let's just go and restrain him and let the police take care of the rest."

the two of you move quickly to match the villain's rapid movements. katsuki flew around using his quirk to attempt to catch him but failed. the villain was surprisingly agile and you guys had a tough time trying to chase him down.

after around half an hour of chasing you finally cornered the villain on top of a tall building in the middle of the city that was still in construction. the ground was hard to walk on and somewhat unstable but you managed to find your balance.

"alright, give it up, you've got nowhere to run now.

"what he said, stop resisting and i won't blow your face off."

the villain's expression turned to fear as you started to close up on him. out of panic, he used his quirk. it was a small beam that didn't hurt at all. however, after a few seconds your body started to heat up, you looked over to katsuki and you could tell he was feeling the same. what was happening?

seeing the two of you struggling, the villain quickly left the scene but he had trouble moving around due to his surroundings. his movements were also somewhat impaired due to fatigue. it was most likely the aftereffect of his quirk which was why he was pretty reluctant in using it.

the strange feeling in your chest wouldn't go away and your vision started to blur. next thing you know you woke up on top of the same building to see yourself lying next to you. was his quirk duplication? no it couldn't have been. you tried to stand up but felt the weight of some heavy armor dragging you down. you look down to see yourself wearing katsuki's hero costume and his gauntlet. still in awe, you heard a groan in your own voice next to you.

"shit… wtf happened, y/n where are you where-"

it didn't take long for your husband to find out what happened.

the two of you have switched bodies.

you both tried to explain to the police who's who but it only ended in confusion. you went home with your husband after they put the two of you on break for "damaged mental" from the villain because the majority of the police thought you guys were crazy.

there weren't any cases similar to body switching between heros before so the doctor said there's nothing that can be done other than attempting to wait off the effect. so there you were, in your husband's body, cooking dinner for the man while you saw your own body lazily sitting on the couch with your legs spread open watching the tv.

life went as normal for the next two days, since you two were both males there weren't any problems whatsoever. however, one day a thought flew into your mind while taking a nap with katsuki. since he was the one who would usually top, now that you're in his body wouldn't it technically mean you get to top?

physically you would be using your boyfriend's body to fuck yourself. but the thought of the all mighty bakugou katsuki taking his own dick, his bratty attitude, and lastly breaking him and making him fall apart by your touch aroused you in an indescribable way. you knew katsuki wouldn't agree to this due to his prideful personality so you had to take other measures to carry out your plan.

you and kastuki had all sorts of toys laying around and you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine with them. while he wasn't looking you grabbed the vibrator, handcuffs, and blindfolds and put them all on the nightstand. now that everything is in place, all you have to do is wait to catch katsuki off guard tonight when he gets tired.

later tonight, after finishing dinner, katsuki was yet again sitting casually again on the couch watching tv, not giving a single care to the world.

"heyy katsuki!"

"hm? yah?"

"come with me for a second? i want to show you something!" you said with a sly grin on your face

katsuki didn't care enough to talk back, neither did he think this could lead to the ill intentions you had with him tonight. following you into the bedroom, you gestured katsuki to sit down on the bed. he obeyed although he began to have a suspicion of what you're about to do. using your new body, you abused katsuki's strong muscle and speed to restrain your own body with the handcuffs you prepare. there was no way for katuski to fight back in this situation because your body was simply not built enough to resist his.

"h-huh? what are you doing dumbass…if you're joking s-stop it now, it's not funny."

"oh i am very serious katsuki, now that i'm inside your body. i am going to fuck your brains out. i'm gonna thrust that bratty attitude of yours right out the window."

hearing you say that, your husband looked away to avert his eyes while you heard a small gulp coming from his throat. you could tell he was nervous and that's exactly what you wanted. katsuki has never bottomed in his life before and he does plan on doing so either.

finally having katsuki in your grasp, you decided to carry on with your plan. you put on the blindfold for him as he jolted in surprise. katsuki tried to get out of the handcuffs but later found his attempt futile. these were the toys he used for you too and he out of everyone should know it's impossible to get out of them. once your husband stopped moving you gentlt took off his pants, leaving him exposed wearing only your boxers with an erection under it.

"aww katsuki~ already hard and i haven't even done anything yet, maybe you're better off being the bottom hm?" you teased

"s-shut up you shit head, just get on with it, whatever evil plan you have in store for tonight…"

"no need to rush katsuki" you said as you entered his asshole with 2 of your fingers, loosening him up for the vibrator.

"we have the entire night."

you heard your own voice whimper as you explored more with your fingers. soon enough it was time to put the other toy in. your fingers left for a bit preparing the vibrator, leaving bakugou panting from the pleasure and clenching his hole around well, nothing. you turned on the vibrator and katsuki immediately noticed the familiar sound of what's in your hands.

"o-oi y/n, don't put it in here, i-i won't be able to take it."

"oh i'm sure you can~ you made me do it plenty of times, why can't the big and strong bakugou katsuki do it?"

without mercy, you put in the vibrator quickly and let the show play out. katsuki was moaning and groaning while you stroked your own cock enjoying the view. katuski's cock was bigger than yours and you weren't used to jacking off such a big dick but it was a nice first.

seeing a wet spot forming on katsuki's underwear, you knew he was ready to go. you took off katsuki's underwear to see the precum leaking from it, so much it looked like he was about to cum any second now. next, you took out the vibrator and started to spread some lube on your cock. you positioned yourself on top of the katsuki and teased his pink hole with your huge cock.

"what do good boys say katsuki~?"

"tch! i'm not saying it, y-you sadistic fuck."

you slapped katsuki's ass so loud that the neighbors probably could've heard you.

"i'm the one in control right now, you listen to what i say, understood?"

"f-fine, jesus christ! p-please y/n, put it inside me…"

"that's a good boy…"

after you fit ¾ of your cock in katsuki was already panting heavily trying to catch his breath. it reached his prostate you leaned down on his chest to bite on his nipples to make him feel even better. his hole clenched on your hole so tight you were barely able to move your cock around. you continued to make thrusts and sped them up each time.

during your thrusts you suddenly felt the weird feeling when fighting the villain again. both you and bakugou's body started to burn up but it wasn't as painful as it was last time. next thing you know everything was pitch black. you felt a piece of black cloth on top of your eyes and a familiar size inside your ass. it didn't take you long to realize that you and bakugou finally switched back.

you were glad to be back in your own body but why did it have to happen now?! out of all the times it could've happened this was no doubt the worst possible timing. you just teased the crap out of bakugou and now that he's in control again he can take his revenge right here, right now.

"oh? would you look at that…our bodies switched back…" you couldn't see katsuki say this but you could already tell the evil smile on his face.

"k-katsuki i'm sorry, i didn't mean to tease you that hard i was just trying to have some fun y-y'know." you desperately tried to explain.

"too late now baby boy… bad boys get punished for what they did. now… get ready, for the night of your fucking life."

regret, nothing but regret. bakugou was already an aggressive person when it comes to sex, now that you pissed him off even more you weren't prepared for what he was about to do to you.

without warning, katsuki pulled back his hips and thrusted into you harder than ever. you took his entire length right away and the full feeling in your ass was too overwhelming for you to handle. you started to blabber nonsense, unable to form words due to the pleasure.

"c'mon baby… gotta speak up if you want me to understand you." bakugou said knowing damn well you can't talk back.

incoherent moans and groans escaped from your mouth as you felt dry orgasms again and again from katsuki reaching your prostate. you were on the verge of passing out till you saw your husband's panting just as hard as you. you could tell he was very close as well. you tried your best to stay conscious and cum with your husbands.

katsuki let out a loud moan as he cummed inside you. you reached your orgasm too cumming all over yourself. katsuki licked up the cum on your stomach as you slipped into sweet unconsciousness. he gave you a warm smile and patted your head as he took you into his arms and fell asleep with you.

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hetalia-reacts · 3 years ago

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PLATONIC HEADCANINS !! PLATONIC HEADCANONS !! HOW ABOUT- a doting touchy-feely PLATONC reader with the allies?? Friendship headcanons :3 (do Axis if u can but PLEASE don't do that if you are tired or busy PLEASE don't ♡♡:))

America

I feel Alfred is also a bit of a touchy-feely kind of friend too

Especially with best friends and whatnot

Is either always at your house or telling you to come to his

He just wants to watch movies or play video games with you

Heck he just wants to exist in the same room with his bestie

Will Alfred wake you up at 3am to do something with him?

Yes

Y’all will either be doing mundane things like going on a store run or literally committing a crime

There is N O in between

Since the both of you are both touchy-feely and likely clinging to each other you bet you’ve gotten the same question 1000x

“Are you two dating?”

You both either go for the ewww hell no or a straight faced but sarcastic yes we totally are

But it’s 50/50 if you both actually go for the same response

It’s a game at this point to see if you guys can read each other’s minds

You guys usually make an awkward situation for the person that asked because one will say yes and the other says eww and neither of you will back down and explain that you guys are just sarcastic and teasing jerks lmao

England

Arthur isn’t the most touchy person so having a friend that is can be tough sometimes

He does appreciate the hugs and physical comfort/support but he just gets kinda awkward

Well at first anyways

When you are certified besties he’s used to it and one can often find him gravitating towards you to just be close

Will never admit he likes it though sorry he’s a hard head

No one dares ask either of y’all that dreaded question though because they don’t want to deal with his sarcasm and the lecture that’s sure to follow

Arthur is a chill bestie though

Often invites you over to just be together

He doesn’t care if it’s just to talk, do something, or simply enjoy the presence of someone else

Help him cook maybe?

Even if you suck at cooking he enjoys attempting to cook with someone else

And that also means having fun in the kitchen and being complete dorks the whole time

And also having to order food or eat a sandwich because unless you can cook it’s going to be inedible

Will make you watch and read Sherlock, even if he has to be there or read it to you it’s happening

France

Francis is very touchy as a friend unless he knows someone dislikes it

So having a bestie that is like him is perfect

People probably think y’all are glued together at this point

No one would ever think y’all are dating either because Francis acts completely different with his bestie than a love interest

He’s kind of a mean ass ngl

He likes to jokingly bicker and fight with you

And definitely likes to cling and be dramatic with you to the point it’s annoying to others

Francis drags you with him everywhere

His house, the gym, the store, England’s house, etc

He cant just go alone anymore it would feel wrong like he’s forgetting something

If you’re bad at dressing or have no style he’s got your back

Literally shops for you but also constantly says things like you’ll never look as good as him

You are also one fo the few that will ever see Francis get serious or down in the dumps

It’s just something he doesn’t wear on his sleeve and reserves for those closest to him

Canada

Matthew is not used to having people cling to him

He’s not really used to having people notice him so having a someone that’s his bestie, that notices him the most, and always clings and talks to him is a strange and wild concept

Doesn’t mind the touchiness and honestly rather prefers it

He’s kinda touch starved :/

Matthew is likely always at your house with Kumajirou

Movie marathon and cuddles yo

Also as his closest friend you come to see his ‘secret’ side of being sarcastic and a complete savage

This boy does not hold back with you either

Maybe at first he did but when he realized y’all are in this friend stuff for life he won’t censor or sugar coat things if it’s not necessary

Makes you play and watch hockey with him

Will teach you everything if you know nothing

Matthew is the type of friend to invite you to his families holidays/vacations and come to yours

He knows and is cool with basically all of your family

I mean who could hate or dislike this polite boy?

Russia

Ivan is not used to friendship either as people usually tremble in fear before him

so having a friend that is touchy on top of having a close friend can be a bit much at times

But he’s happy!

He loves the hugs! Loves the contact! Loves having a friend!

Loves cuddles most of all he won’t lie, Ivan loves the feeling of comfort and support when you cuddle him

People do often assume you two are dating because most people assume someone would only put up with him if they were in love with him

Neither of you mind the rumors since y’all know the truth

Ivan is the sweetest friend

He shows up unannounced with food or groceries all the time

Always helping you out without being asked

Like oh your washing machine broke I fixed it/bought you a new one already or oh you suck at this let me explain it and teach it to you

Does this completely unprompted

He’s always over at yours or always inviting you over to his

Wants to do classic friend things?

Like things he sees in movies and shows that friends do a lot or things he’s overheard from others

Late night store runs, hanging out at parks, showing up unannounced to crash at your place, those kind of things

You’re the only person he confides in, you know all his secrets, his sadness, everything

Honestly, Ivan is the person who needs a touchy-feely friend the most out of everyone

China

Yao is happy about having a touchy friend but will always play like he hates it

Not in like a tsundere “I totally d-don’t need friends baka” kind of way but a really dramatic “omg I can’t believe you’re so obsessed with me haha loser” kind of way

He’s only joking of course and apologizes if you get hurt by his teasing or he crosses a line

Only a brave few would try and ask if y’all are more than friends

They have to listen to a lecture with an angry Yao explaining that people can be close and not want to date and how immature and inappropriate they’re being

Totally the type of friend that mothers you

Constantly says you look skinnier than last time and forces you to eat because he’s worried for you

Will not sugar coat anything for you

If you ask for his advice then I’m sorry but you’re gonna get it even if it makes you cry or get mad

Yao wants you over at his constantly

He’s lonely man ㅠㅠ

And he doesn’t want to leave the comfort of his house

Expect a lot of his gifts for your birthday/holiday to be cute plushies he found

Germany

Ludwig act differently depending on when y’all become besties

Like before Italy, he’s nervous, confused, and slightly annoyed by all the touching and notion of being besties

If it’s after Italy he’s used to all the touchiness and has figured out how to show his friendship to you in other ways

Like making you things! Or simply inviting you to hang out!

Ludwigs is always gonna be a bit awkward though

Always shy about hanging out and inviting you over

Many people assume you two to be dating because of his awkwardness but he is the first to start defending your friendship and it’s pure nature

He develops a sixth sense and now answers people’s questions about the two of you without even looking at them

He can just feel the nasty vibes

Asks you to do mundane things with him

Like shopping or even chores

Asks you to come bake with him a lot

It was embarrassing at first since not many people know his love of making sweets but he’s over that now

I know I say this a lot, but please work out with him _(:3 」∠)_

My guy just wants a work out buddy, a spotter, a n y t h i n g just please pick up the smallest dumbbell and pretend you want to work out

If you ask for advice expect him to be straight to the point about it but comfort you afterwards

Italy

Feliciano is a god tier bestie if your touchy-feely

Doesn’t matter if that touchy-feely emotionally and/or physically he’s down for both

Like please hold his hand, hug him, give him head pats, cheek kisses or any form affection really

No one even thinks anything of it, it’s just Feliciano being himself

If anyone did ask if you were dating he might get self-conscious of his actions, he doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like he was trying to be something more with you

He’s easy to calm down though

Feliciano invites you out all the time

Restaurants, wine tastings, farmers markets, gondola rides, just about anything he can think of that he thinks you would like to do

Always at your house

He eats all of your food too, but he makes you some in return so it’s okay

Gives really good advice

Like for his bestie he’ll get super serious and thoughtful about your issues, even spending days thinking of solutions

Tries not to sugar coat things for you but ends up doing just that

He doesn’t want to make his friend cry or even more anxious

Will comfort you though if you are upset about anything he’s said and apologizes profusely for it too

Japan

Kiku is overall one of the ones who needs a touchy bestie but is the most challenging with receiving or giving the touchiness back

He’s a man who enjoys personal space and alone time, so he’s honestly surprised anyone considers him a true best friend

He knows he can get a bit feisty and shut himself away when he gets uncomfortable and that makes it hard to truly befriend him

But he’s really happy you stick around and deal with his awkwardness and rejection of your affection

Tries his hardest to at least accept your friendly affection

No one would dare ask if you two are flirting or together because my god it’s taking so much of his effort to just sit less than 2 feet away from you at the start so they don’t want to ruin his progress by making it awkward

Kiku definitely asks for your opinion on anime and manga

Gets into heated debates with you over certain ones

Is shy but asks you to come over a lot

Likes to have tea and snacks with you while you guys talk

Y’all can talk for literally a whole day

You sleepover a lot, he insists and even got you your own futon with a cool custom cover

Gifts you a kotatsu at some point because he loves them and he thinks you should enjoy them all the time too

When he gets over a lot of shyness he loves when you do simple forms of affection with him

Like ruffling his hair or holding onto his arm or even just leaning against him

He enjoys those the most since they aren’t too physical and mentally taxing on him and it still let you physically express your friendship with him like you love to do

If you ask for advice either get prepared for a harsh wake up call or a stumbling mess of words

It’s 50/50 if Kiku gives you the stone cold truth or tries to spare your feelings

As your friend he thinks you deserve the truth but he doesn’t want his harsh advice to ruin your mood or make you hate him

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chroniclerdl · 3 years ago

Text

Seven Fundamentals to Writing Better Yu-Gi-Oh Duelfics

Ever wanted to write a duelfic just as good or better than canon?

Done right, duels are memorable action scenes.

Done wrong, duels shatter the suspension of disbelief. It’s already a big ask to imagine the world revolving around a card game.

You don’t want the tragedy where your readers yank the scrollbar past your duel, or worse, close your tab. Even the small pool of duelfic readers/writers like me will skip huge chunks of your chapters when the duels sag.

By implementing basic storytelling techniques tailored to dueling, you can hook your readers into following the play-by-play.

High Stakes

Consistent Rules

Sneaks Checked

“Balanced” Gameplay

Foreshadowing Victory

Engaging Description

Dramatic Tension

1. High Stakes

When you advertise your story as a duelfic, your first duel tells readers whether or not what you wrote is worth their time.

If your characters duel without a concrete reason to rip the opponent’s throat, readers already know the outcome:

You lose.

Why? The game is pointless. Who’s dropping whatever they’re doing just to read the equivalent of your characters sipping afternoon tea? If you’re introducing the setting and characters, why can’t you introduce exciting threats?

No reader expects your first duel to decide the fate of the world, but your characters still need to bet.

Characters wager life chips.

If your character loses, they suffer death or suicide-inducing despair.

Is it too much to start with life-and-death? No. Think of the life chip as the culmination of hopes and dreams.

As the story progresses, the stakes will rise, must rise. How? Others will entrust the main characters with their own life chips, and/or the life chips acquire additional meaning. Consider this loose analogy: at the end of a poker tournament, gamblers sit at the final table with stacks built from the chips of others.

Life chips mean different things to different characters. Let’s take the Duelist Kingdom arc.

Yugi’s life chip is the hope to save his grandfather (and later, his own soul)

Joey’s life chip is the hope to win the prize money to fund his sister’s medical operation

Kaiba’s life chip is the hope to save his little brother (and later, his own soul)

You don’t even need your final showdown to revolve around the fate of world; it just has to be one or more things that matter to your characters.

Also, make sure to communicate the stakes, or why the characters accept uneven bets.

If you have the chops, you can also play around with disguising the stakes. As in, your character thinks they’re wagering something small, but it’s actually their life chip. However, your readers still need a vague reason to believe that a defeat will devour the character.

Always make sure the characters stake one or more life chips!

2. Consistent Rules

If you watched the Duelist Kingdom arc and tried to understand the moves everyone made, your head exploded.

Ask yourself: will the clever scheme that your hero invented drive readers crazy?

If I write a magic system that requires a wand, this applies to all. I cannot become a genius and suddenly wave my hands to cast magic.

Demonstrate the rules early, preferably in the first duel, and keep them sacred.

If you must make an exception, establish it early. In that case, the exception becomes a well-defined branch of the rules that the readers can anticipate.

Can the players magically draw the card they need, whenever they want?

If you can establish the when and why, by all means. The readers proceed with the understanding that the players can reach into their deck like a glorified toolbox.

For example, Duel Links has a concept called “skills” that function like a player’s special ability. At the time I wrote this, Yami Yugi’s “Destiny Draw” skill lets the player take any card from their deck once per duel after losing 2000LP (and even if they stacked the top of the deck earlier!).

Card should also have the same, predictable effect. If the card prevents attacks, I doubt the text discusses physical properties or mentions holding things in the air. But you knew that, right?

The rules are the laws of the universe.

3. Sneaks Checked

I love duels. I also love getting what I want.

Why does getting what I want have to be through a duel?

If we talk, maybe we can come to an agreement. If I blackmail you, maybe you’ll give in to my demands. If I shoot you, I can loot your corpse. Give the readers a good reason as to why your characters would bother with the hassle of honest dueling and can’t wiggle from the consequences of losing.

Often, the duel takes place in the context of a tournament. Hopefully, the tournament officials are keeping a good eye on the players and cracking down on cheaters.

However, even that’s not a guarantee. What’s the key concept?

Power.

The competitors have equivalent capacity for coercion (usually violence) or have a neutral referee presiding over the match with the most capacity for coercion (shoutout to gambling manga Usogui).

Anyone who enters a game otherwise has lost before the first move.

In Yu-Gi-Oh, magical and sci-fi enforcement are common. The Shadow Realm can trap the loser in a desolate hell. In a digital world, the loser suffers deletion. Or just have good tournament officials.

Be vigilant when your duel doesn’t call upon these tropes.

Your amoral characters won’t mind blindsiding your other characters, and they won’t mind blindsiding you with a plot hole.

If you’re not careful, the readers will ask you why they played uncharacteristically fair.

4. “Balanced” Gameplay

Duels should be fair and fun…for the villain.

Ostensibly, everyone plays a balanced game, designed to give both sides a sporting chance. In reality, the villain tilts the field to their favor with one or more tricks up their sleeves. Why would your villain ever fight fair?

But that’s fine. We love rooting for the underdog and watching the villain get their comeuppance.

Overpowered ability to let the villain read minds? Deck full of unbalanced cards that makes the villain’s monsters invincible with no drawback? Creator who knows every strategy in the game? Readers will turn the page as they wonder how the hero will prevail.

The more obstacles you can throw in the hero’s way, the better.

Got custom cards? No problem, just follow a couple guidelines. After all, some duelists are more equal than others.

The hero’s deck is full of regular cards that have a cost to use. For every play they want to make, their cards insist that they give up their attack, discard to play, etc.

The villain’s deck is full of rare cards that power up their game for free. So long as you can justify why the card made it to print, the villain can play whatever they want.

For every step your hero takes, the villain gets two.

5. Foreshadowing Victory

How many times have you watched a duel where the protagonist comes up with this never-before-seen card that does exactly what the protagonist needs to clinch the win? In the final showdown, no less? It’s like the writers begged to be called amateurs and idiots.

No other genre tolerates such laziness.

However, readers don’t want an infodump of the characters’ decks. Show the cards in action. To cover the deck, you'll probably need multiple duels.

This also implies you have more freedom in how your character defeats their early opponents in the duelfic.

Does that previous statement contradict what I said about never-before-seen cards clinching the win as the mark of laziness? No, because here’s the rule:

Tolerance for the hero’s new cards decreases as the story progresses.

(Notice that I specify the hero’s new cards; your villains exist to make life harder by inventing unfair tricks.)

When you must include new cards for the hero late in the duelfic, at least find a way to make them first backfire.

Now, some writers have lots of knowledge about the card pool and metagame. Can they assume the readers a priori know the hero has access to any of the available cards in a given archetype?

I’d err on the side of caution and properly foreshadow the cards before they appear late in the duelfic. Not every reader is a walking card database. They have no reason to assume something exists unless you show the card.

Take the tolerance rule into consideration when planning your duels. If you know the awesome combo you want to use for the final turn in the duelfic climax, that’s your cue to scatter the cards into the earlier duels.

Plan the last duel first and your early duels last.

6. Description

Every reader wants a front-row seat to the action.

They’re paying you their time, so make it worth the admission: sleek combatants & budget-busting fights. Kaiba invented Solid Vision technology for a reason, so help readers envision your duels.

Who’s fighting? Describe the point-of-view’s impression of the monsters’ appearances. Red-Eyes Black Dragon should be self-explanatory.

What about a decorated monster like Time Wizard?

You could go into detail about how the red clock humanoid has yellow gears that form epaulets and purple, pointy boots and a green mustache made from clock hands and so on, but such a level of minutiae bogs pacing and invites skimming.

Readers just need to hear about a purple-caped, red clock humanoid with a wand to form an image. Their imaginations can handle the little details.

Paint appearances in broad strokes and one or two brief sentences.

How are the monsters fighting? Duel Monsters is a game where the target takes the aggressor’s attack like a champ. That doesn’t mean you can’t spice it up.

For example, my opponent’s dragon attacks my weaker knight with a fireball. My knight, interested in not dying, raises his shield. Unfortunately, he screams as the flames engulf him.

You wouldn’t just stand still with a straight face if someone armed with a knife lunged for your gut.

A fight scene is a string of action and reaction.

Most people also experience life in more senses than just sight.

A dragon’s fireball is a bright reddish-orange, hot, dries the air, smoky, and explodes with a boom on impact. I never tasted a fireball, and I hope I never do, but that’s still four senses: sight, touch, smell, and sound.

Include multiple sensory details.

Let’s spare a moment to talk about the heads-up display (HUD).

In Yu-Gi-Oh, cards have multiple stats and abilities. You’re free to mention whatever you deem necessary. No set formula exists. On one extreme, you can mention nothing to keep the narrative clean at the risk of confusing the readers. At the other extreme, infodumps about the monster’s abilities provide great detail but wreck the pacing. But there’s a cozy middle.

State only what you need from the card.

If your duels occurred before the era of Synchro, you don’t need details about levels. You can just display the basic stats to determine the stronger monster. If a deck has Pendulum monsters, just mention the scale numbers when they're played as scales. And so on.

You can also make an index of new cards at the end of a chapter.

BONUS TIP! Understanding show, don’t tell.

What is show, don’t tell? At its core, this concept refers to immersing your readers in the senses and feelings instead of exposition. Unfortunately, that definition is a bit vague to execute. After writing for a while, I had my lightbulb moment.

Don’t TELL the readers how to think or force-feed them a conclusion.

SHOW your readers the evidence.

Here’s a written example from Joey vs. Rex in Duelist Kingdom. See if you can spot what makes this prose telling instead of showing.

“Joey watched nervously as Two-Headed King Rex stomped Baby Dragon. He messed up his Baby Dragon-Time Wizard combo!”

You can see two failures: “nervously” and the second sentence.

Adverbs like “nervously” and other “-ly” friends get a bad rep because rookies tend to use them as telling crutches (especially beware adverbs after dialogue tags!). “Nervously” tells me how Joey reacts. But what does “nervously” look like? One character might bite their thumb. Another might fidget in their seat. The adverb in this context lacks nuance.

We also have the second sentence: “He messed up his Baby Dragon-Time Wizard combo!” When you’re explaining the “why” to something, you’re telling. It’s like talking down to your readers.

Contrast with the next example.

“A bead of sweat rolled off Joey’s face as Two-Headed King Rex stomped Baby Dragon. He stared at the Time Wizard in his hand.”

The first sentence shows me Joey’s physical reaction. I see him sweating, so I think he’s nervous.

We also see a second physical reaction: “He stared at the Time Wizard in his hand.” This comes on the heels of the first sentence, and I also have knowledge of when Joey used the Baby Dragon-Time Wizard combo in a prior duel. Combined, I think Joey is ruminating about a missed chance.

Readers are smart; they’ll catch your intention if you show the proof.

7. Dramatic Tension

I bet you know what it's like to draw a bad hand.

Imagine: The hero staggers into the arena, and the villain just needs to win one duel to take over the world. The villain draws a bunch of powerups with no monster, but the hero draws a one-turn-kill combo.

Anticlimactic. The readers throw that duelfic straight into the trash.

Don’t just write real-life duels. “It really happened” doesn’t mean it’s emotionally satisfying.

That’s why we have literary structure.

Success and setback pace together with progressive intensity to maximize dramatic tension and emotional payoff.

I’ll spare the nitty-gritty theory detail, but your duels should look like this on a basic level:

Part 1: Villain’s basic threats. Introduces the villain’s deck and style.

Part 2: Villain’s minor strategy. The villain’s first serious attempt to defeat the hero.

Part 3: Villain’s major strategy. The hero’s reversal! But the villain has worse in store.

Part 4: Hero’s imminent defeat. The hero must break through, or else will instantly lose!

Ideally, you’re also integrating the story itself into the duel; themes and duels synergize to create a stronger effect.

You may notice how the format resembles the three-act structure.

Act I is Part 1

Act II until the Act II midpoint is Part 2

Act II midpoint until Act III is Part 3

Act III is part 4.

I’ll use Yugi/Pharaoh vs. Pegasus in Duelist Kingdom as an example.

Part 1: Mind scan. Pegasus can read minds to counter combos.

Part 2: Toon World. Indestructible, cartoonified monsters attack.

Part 3: Shadow game. Toons destroyed! But playing a shadow game weakens Yugi.

Part 4: Yugi passes out. The Pharaoh must find a new way to stop Pegasus’s mind scan!

Figure out each part of the structure for your duels before writing the turn-by-turn plays.

By the way, modern real-life Yu-Gi-Oh duels don’t suit drama because the rules provide weak constraints to creating strong boards. A good modern deck usually establishes a scary turn one board and jumps straight into Part 4, whereas other card games like Magic: The Gathering and Hearthstone force the powerhouse cards to wait several turns until the player builds the mana to pay costs.

You can still write a good modern duel. Here’s a basic outline of Arc-V’s duel between Sora and Shay. Technically, “tragedy” is the structure of this duel, so I’ll make Shay the “hero” to flip it and keep matters simplified.

Part 1: Basic monsters. These clash before a monster appears from the Extra Deck.

Part 2: Frightfurs. They come one after another to crush Shay’s Raidraptors.

Part 3: Sora’s wrath. Rise Falcon survives! But Sora’s malevolent nature comes to light.

Part 4: Frightfur Chimera. Sora chomps candy and summons his biggest fusion horror!

If following the four parts is too difficult for you, that’s okay. They're just logical extensions of one basic concept. Keep the following in mind, and you’ll never go wrong:

The villain’s subsequent threats become increasingly overwhelming.

Conclusion

Much of writing a duel boils down to storytelling technique.

Let’s tl;dr the main takeaways.

High Stakes: Minimum ante is the life chip, worth a character’s hopes and dreams.

Consistent Rules: Everyone plays by the same logic.

Sneaks Checked: Characters can’t skip the duels with violence and coercion.

“Balanced” Gameplay: Villains enjoy advantages.

Foreshadowing Victory: Readers have a chance to predict the winning combo.

Engaging Description: Immerse senses and invite reactions.

Dramatic Tension: The villain makes progressively stronger threats.

As a duelfic reader/writer, I can gauge a writer's ability by measuring their duels with the fundamentals. Many fan writers struggle; even the canon writers struggle.

But writing a duelfic isn’t rocket science. With practice, minding the fundamentals will become second nature.

And don't forget to tag your story as a duelfic. It's a whole genre in fanfic, so sort it properly and help readers from the future find you.

May the heart of the cards be with you.

…

Want to see in-depth examples of my advice? I rewrote the Orichalcos arc to reimagine its untapped potential without the failures of the canon presentation. You can find it on FFnet and AO3.

#yugioh #ygo #yugioh fanfiction #yugioh fandom #fanfic writing #duelfic #writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing help #how to write #listicles

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tenacityreturns · 3 years ago

Note

momoi shifts , carefully drinking her bubble tea. today , she was waiting on sakurai to show up for their bi-weekly shopping trip and had seen kagami out of the side of her eye so of course, she had to say hi! leaning back in her chair , she gets a flash of lunch with aomine wondering about fate. " hey , kagamin, " she starts, " do you believe in fate ? " / from momoi <3

@peachmuses

kagami is watching a tall girl across the mall cafeteria demonstrate, without a ball, how to shoot a basketball. he assumes it's a basketball. she's laughing as her friends have a go, none of them caring that they're in public and everybody could see them. one friend says something as she puts her wrists together, it looks like she's talking about volleyball or something. he wonders what it's like to have friends with different hobbies. he hasn't given it much thought since finding a love for basketball, but he'd still be a loner if not for that. not everyone is as out-going and friendly as tatsuya used to be. the girls sit down at their table again, and he loses interest. he wonders, briefly as the thought is soon interrupted, whether putting all his chips into basketball is the right idea. maybe he should join a cooking class or... run a cooking class ( inspired by present company ).

“kagamin,” he repeats with a grumble as she continues speaking, more to himself than to her. what is it with these people and giving out nicknames like it’s christmas! all these generation of miracles do it, just about. it’s so annoying! kagamin, kagamicchi, bakagami, even! will they ever stop?

but this thought, too, is interrupted before he can make a scene with it. kagami’s got an expressive face, and every emotion sparked by the random question is displayed clear as day. surprise: raised eyebrows, opening mouth as if to speak but with nothing yet to say; incredulousness: squinting eyes, now a frown; contemplative: downturned lips tightened into a line, averting his gaze. does he? why the hell is she even asking? without having given it much thought, he sighs.

“where the hell did that come from?”

“nowhere,” she smiles, then taps her chin with her index finger, “it’s just, dai--- aomine-kun brought it up the other day, and i haven’t gotten it out of my mind.”

“dai-chan brought it up?” kagami deadpans, “no way did that idiot come up with a thing like that.”

“oh, but he did! he’s impulsive, which sometimes comes across as inconsiderate or inattentive, yes, but he thinks about these things a lot.”

“what did he say?” he sits back in his seat, careful not to kick her. kagami folds his arms across his chest.

momoi lowers her drink and hides behind her hand, suddenly acting all embarrassed. “maybe i shouldn’t say!”

“now you have to, saying a thing like that! i won’t tell anyone.”

“he said-- he said!” she’s playing up her embarrassment, right? there’s nothing dai---- aomine could have said that would make her go all... gooey... right? unless-- he didn’t confess to her or anything? no...

“momoi,” he grumbles, “come on.”

“very well!” she sets her drink directly in-front of her on the table, frowning seriously. her hands grip the edge for a moment before lacing together. when she looks up at him, her eyes are cold and calculating -- but gentle. “i trust you, so i’ll tell you. aomine-kun believes that it’s fate that you met.”

here comes the incredulousness again. it distorts his face into a squinting grimace. “he didn’t say that.”

“he did.”

“about me?”

“about you,” her hands release and then fold again.

ah. his cheeks are the first to betray him. in fact, his blush is currently his only reaction, besides downturned lips. does he have any thoughts right now? kagami is short-circuiting. momoi’s eyes are putting him off, so he stares out the window finds nothing easier to look at there. fate, huh? fate. alright. he’s got to say something. or leave. fate. stupid idiot aomine said he thinks it’s fate that they met? what the fuck? what the fuck! alright. alright. alright! alright? alright. alright! that’s a song, right? an american song or something, it’s in english at least. there’s a hook he’s got stuck in his mind now. it’s something else to think about, anyway. alright, now fellas! what’s cooler than being---

“please don’t be upset with aomine-kun,” she says quietly, “or bring it up. he’ll only deny it.”

“no-- no, i--” he sits forward, “i’m not upset. i told you i wasn’t gonna tell anyone so i won’t. he really said that about me? specifically?”

“yes! how you met us at exactly the right point in time, how you happened to join tetsu-kun’s team, the best you could have met first. wouldn’t things be different if you had joined some other team?”

“this is a lot to think about,” he rubs his temple, “you mean aomine thinks like this all the time?”

“well, not all the time,” she reaches into her bag to bring out her pink phone, and replies to a text as she speaks, “but he does talk about you a lot.”

“me? what’s he say?”

“mmm,” she looks around the room searchingly, tentatively standing. no, don’t leave now! what kind of fate is this?! in his desperation at the fleeting moment of opportunity, kagami also stands. as he does, he notices a guy a full head and shoulders taller than most other people around them. speak of the devil! somehow, seeing aomine’s frown dissipate into a smile ( even if that does turn into a smirk ) makes everything worse for once. “oh! what’s he doing here? i guess i’ll see you around, kagamin!”

“huh?!” he feels like he’s being left behind, and stands helplessly as she runs over and greets her friends. sakurai says something, momoi says something, and aomine walks straight passed them. kagami stands straighter, shuts his gaping mouth, and returns to that downturned look of embarrassment.

“oho, what did she say to you?” he’s smirking, but he’d probably just leave if he knew the truth! kagami’s resolved to not say it, of course, but it’s too much to look at him right now! kagami picks up his backpack and pulls it over one shoulder. when aomine repeats his question, it’s with a touch of horror in his voice. “what did she say to you?”

“nothing!” kagami blurts, “nothing. you--- uh, you’re not hanging out with them today?”

“maybe i will,” aomine takes a step away, like sand through fingers, “you’re being weird.”

“uh-- yeah,” his brain is in overdrive right now. “i am? sorry.”

“look, half what she says is bullshit to get a rise outta you. i know it doesn’t look like it, but she likes pushing people’s buttons too.”

“no, no-- i don’t think it was like that.”

“okay,” he turns and starts off in the direction of the others. he must have been able to sense that kagami was off ( no, you fucking dumbass, it’s literally so obvious that you’re uncomfortable and don’t know up from down. cute to think you were being subtle though ? ).

well, that’s no good! if aomine leaves now, kagami doesn’t know how long it will be until he can face him again! better to conquer the fears and awkwardness and butterflies -- however the fuck he’s feeling right now -- and grab the bull by its horns! or, in this case, to catch up and throw his arm around aomine’s shoulders, steering him away.

“no way, you think you can get outta playing a one-on-one with me?” kagami’s trying to be normal, but aomine’s scrutinising glare is a lot to deal with. he gives his best toothy smile, and gets shrugged off but not in the don’t touch me, you weirdo kind of way. hopefully?

“maybe losing will knock some sense into you,” aomine grumbles. “wait, you don’t even have a basketball?”

“uh,” yep, hadn’t thought of that. “i could just buy one-- ?”

“nah, let’s go to the arcade and i’ll whop your ass in there.”

kagami does his best to bury the whole fate concept, which has clearly done little else but freak him out, as they make their way to the arcade. he doesn’t have it in him to talk shit, though, so there’s no reply to that last comment. kagami isn’t sure if he believes in fate, but it’s weird knowing someone else thinks that about him. he’s got butterflies he can’t shake, and he finds himself fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. like that would help anything! instead, he balls up his fists and shoves them into his hoodie pockets. just as he can feel a frown forming, he glances at aomine and notices the familiar red hoodie. kagami’s red hoodie. just as kagami is wearing one of aomine’s. what. that’s--- that’s kind of funny, actually. they could just swap back right now, and that would probably be the normal thing to do, but it looks so good on aomine. kagami’s smiling before he can do anything about it.

“what the fuck are you looking at?” aomine’s alarmed when he spots the change, and instead of sounding insulting or argumentative, his question just sounds surprised.

“nothing, dumbass!” kagami elbows him, giving in just a little. aomine hits him straight back, even as kagami’s continuing. “that’s my hoodie, is all.”

“yeah, so what? you’re wearing mine.”

“you think i don’t know that?”

“you ain’t getting it back, pal,” aomine looks away again, with the excuse of looking around the arcade as they walk inside.

finally, kagami pulls his eyes away. what is it aomine talks about when kagami isn’t around? is it his cooking? his basketball? what does he think of him? usually, kagami doesn’t care-- or at least, he pretends not to. and he cares a little bit about how aomine feels about him... naturally, his eyes settle on the basketball hoops in the corner and he grabs aomine’s arm to drag him over. aomine shrugs him off again.

“what the-- oh kagami,” it’s a groan, but aomine’s smiling. “you just can’t help yourself, can you?”

“loser buys the next game!”

“better get your money ready, bakagami.”

“like hell i will!”

he isn’t thinking about it anymore, but maybe it’s fate that kagami noticed that they’re wearing each other’s hoodies at such a crucial moment. it frees him up, somehow, to enter the present. soon enough, fate is completely out of his head, and he’s playing the hoop shooting game backwards because the two of them can’t help but show off. then they’ll play racing, kagami pays, and a platform game, and then kagami’s talking about the arcade he used to go to as a little kid with tatsuya. then they’re talking about something else. something else. nothing and everything. maybe it’s fate that he wasn’t carrying a basketball today, so that they could have whatever today had turned into.

#answered.#peachmuses #drabbles.#aokaga.#aonon.#ok this is my favourite thing ever #i always go way over the top with these and this time it comes with 3 DIFFERENT CHARACTERS' ICONS SDHSJDHJSDJHSD #anyway i really played all my cards #fate is a strange mistress and tonight her name is robyn #JSDHJSHDJHSD

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duhragonball · 4 years ago

Text

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (138/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation. This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[23 November, 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

Through his mastery of the alchemical arts, King Rehval III Trismegistus had conquered the universe. The Saiyan had merged his life essense with the Planet Nagoka, making both impervious to any attack. The bulk of the Saiyan species had bound themselves to his will, and any galactic powers who dared to defy him would suffer the wrath of giant earthen creatures that he could control like puppets. The cult of Saiyans who served him had been in high spirits. Their greatest enemy, the Super Saiyan Luffa, had failed to destroy them, and she had fled the Nagaoka System, disgraced and alone.

Then she returned. King Rehval believed she had come back to die in a blaze of glory. For all her power, she was no match for him, or his army of alchemically powered Saiyans. He expected his warriors to hunt her down within a matter of hours.

Eight days later, Luffa was still at large, and the morale among Rehval's followers had declined sharply.

What frustrated everyone was that no one understood Luffa's plan. If she only wanted to die in battle, then there was no need to drag things out. Whatever she was trying to do, she needed at least eight days to make it happen, and in the meantime, Rehval's cult had been powerless to figure out what it was or how to stop it. The two prevailing sentiments among the cultists were:

"Why doesn't Trismegistus do something?"

And:

"Trismegistus has it all under control. Trust the plan."

Because of these contradictory opinions, the growing list of Luffa's victims were viewed both as "heroic martyrs" and "unfaithful losers".

From her lowly position in the cult, Lesseri heard it all. Scrubbing the breeding pits, she would catch parts of a conversation from passers-by. Trimming wicks for the candles, she would overhear idle chatter from the barracks. Disposing of diapers in the nursery, she would see how frightened the children were when they could sense Luffa's ki on the attack. There were a multitude of perspectives, but it boiled down to just two. Either their omnipotent leader couldn't kill Luffa, or he was allowing this terror to continue for unknown reasons.

Lesseri's own thoughts were usually focused on binaries like these. Strength and weakness, acceptance and rejection, good and evil. Of all the cultists, she had actually trained under Luffa during a brief period in her former life. The cult had a dim view of this past association, and Lesseri had been struggling to redeem herself ever since. She found herself awed by their grace, but also frustrated with the way they punished her for something so trivial.

For Luffa, that training camp had been a passing fancy to try to teach other Saiyans her ways. For Lesseri, it was just an opportunity to get close enough to kill her own mother. Vigurd had abandoned Lesseri and her sister in a gestation facility, and Lesseri had been bitter about it ever since. It seemed strange to Lesseri that the cult approved of her ruthless assassination, but not of the way she had manipulated Luffa to achieve it. It wasn't as if Luffa had passed on forbidden knowledge to Lesseri and the others. Mostly, Luffa had nagged them all for not being "Saiyan enough". Lesseri had dismissed Luffa as a hypocrite a long time ago, but the cult still demanded more contrition from her.

But now that Luffa was here, and Lesseri could sense that immense Super Saiyan ki once more, she was reminded of just how deeply Luffa's harsh words had cut. Luffa accused other Saiyans of cowardice. On Nat-Chezz, they had encountered a pair of aliens with the ability to to fool ki senses. They used this power to bluff stronger warriors into surrendering without a fight. Only Luffa had the courage to stand up to them, not because she saw through the deception, but because she alone wanted to fight enemies stronger than herself. The lesson of that incident had been lost on Lesseri that day, but now, Lesseri was experiencing it all over again. Nagaoka was supposed to be an invincible stronghold of power, and yet Luffa had dared to attack it all by herself. Rehval's followers had the advantage, and yet they were still anxious about what would happen to them. None of them were eager to die when they were so close to achieving final victory.

It hurt Lesseri to think about it. She had given herself over, body and soul, to Trismegistus, and yet her old frustrations and doubts still lingered. It had been convenient to blame everything on Luffa, but now she wondered if Luffa's only crime had been to point out the problems that had always been there. And now, she had come to Nagaoka to pass final judgment on them all.

Lesseri didn't know or care who would win in the end. She only knew that, no matter what happened, that Lesseri would surely lose...

*******

The surface of Nagaoka was desolate, but not completely uninhabitable. The persistent cloud cover made the scenery especially gloomy, but enough sunlight made it through to support some vegetation. Most of it was inedible, although Luffa had discovered some roots that were nutritious enough to justify the effort of picking them. Game was scarce. The apex predator in the grasslands of Nagaoka was a small, four-legged dinosaur that chased after rodents. It took patience to catch them, but that was no problem. She needed something to pass the time anyway.

As she chewed on the raw carcass of a fresh kill, she walked back to her latest campsite, which was little more than a small fire and a Saiyan skull she had been using to carry her stone tools. The only other item was her prisoner, a cultist she had captured on one of her raids, three days ago.

"I killed six more," she told him as she slung the carcass by the fire and picked up the skull. "They sent more after me, but it didn't help much. I think Rehval's trying to do a pincer thing this week."

The man lay helpless on the ground, his arms and legs fractured in several places. Luffa had hurt him so badly that he lacked the ki energy to be sensed by his comrades. She estimated that he would die in another day, if not sooner. She kept talking to him anyway.

"Pincer. You know what I mean? Spread out his forces across the planet, then when one group is close enough to engage, some of the others can come in from the other direction and cut off my escape. What he doesn't get is that it just gives me a bigger target to shoot at while I run away."

The man groaned, either from the pain of his injuries, or from hunger, or terror, or delirium, or from all of these. Luffa ignored him and began carving up her kill.

"Funny, that's the same thing Jerk Number Seven said when I killed his six buddies," Luffa said. "You should have seen it. They tried to surround me, but I rushed right into a group of them, like I was trying to slip between them. Then I set off an explosive wave right in the middle of them. The six died right off, but the seventh was far enough away that he just got hurt really bad. He's probably still alive, though. For now."

"Triis... mej... isssss..." the man tried to say.

"He's not here and he's not coming to save you," Luffa said. "You can pray to him all you want, but he doesn't give a damn about you. Idiot. You sold your pride to that fool, and he doesn't even know you're still alive. I doubt he'll bother giving you any medical attention, not after that stunt I pulled on their hospital ward a few days ago. No, he'll want to conserve his supplies for the healthiest troops. The ones who stand a chance of pulling through in time to defend his sorry ass. That won't be you."

She put the bulk of the dinosaur on a spit she had fashioned from a spear she had taken from one of her victims, and carefully positioned it over the fire. "Ahhhh," she said. "This is really gonna hit the spot. It's like the old proverb: hunger is the best seasoning. So how was your day? Anything cool happen while I was gone?"

"Wh-wh-why... are you... doing this?" the man whimpered.

Luffa lay down on the ground, propping her head up on a pile of brush she had gathered. "Really?" she asked. "I mean, we've been over all that, haven't we? I told you all about it. How Rehval's a monarchist fool. How he took my son from me. Twice. He wrecked my marriage-- although I'll take partial responsibility there. And he even showed me that my own species is a worthless band of hooligans that deserves to die. Oh, and he's trying to conquer the universe, which wouldn't bother me so much except for the rotten way he's going about it. Magic potions. Really, what is that?"

"Nooooo..." the man whispered. "Not that... Why...... why... keep me... alive?"

"Oh, that," Luffa said. See, it's actually pretty simple. I learned this when I was a kid. I guess your parents never filled you in on it. See, when you're up against a superior force, you can even the odds with some psychological warfare. Wreck their morale, they start making little mistakes. Before they know it, their advantage starts to fritter away. That's why I hit their medical supplies. I'd like to taint their water supply too, but I haven't planned that out yet. I may not have time to get around to it, actually. Make sure you tell Rehval that when you see them."

"See...?"

"Yeah, they should track down this camp before too much longer. If not, I'll just transform and they'll come running. I'll be long gone when they get here, but they'll find you. And you can tell them everything I've been telling you this whole time. Every last word. Or as much as you can remember. I think the message will get across."

"M-message...?"

"Yeah," Luffa said. "See, I'm not 'keeping you alive'. You'll die eventually, no matter what. But I want the others to see what I've done to you, and hear what I've said to you, and I want them to realize exactly what it is they're dealing with."

She reached into the pockets of her yellow pants and pulled out a wooden stick, about five inches in length. There were several notches cut along its length. As she spoke, she stared intently at it.

"I think a lot of them see me as some sort of ultimate foe, and they get to have this big epic showdown with me, or at least they can die for their master, quick and clean. Makes sense. I'm the Legendary Super Saiyan, and Rehval's taught them all that I'm the devil or something. They want a big dramatic battle, like in a movie. A few of them might get their wish. But not you. No, you get to suffer. And I want them to know that any one of them might get the same treatment as you. Or not. Some of them might luck out and take a Vengeance Cannon through the brain and die painlessly. Some choice, right?"

He shivered, either due to the cold, or the onset of some infection he had contracted, or perhaps simply because Luffa's words horrified him so. Luffa simply did not care. She watched her meal cooking, monitored enemy movements with her ki senses, and then carved another notch on her stick with her thumbnail.

*******

[25 November, 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

"The water supply? You're absolutely certain that's what he said?"

The cultists who found Luffa's prisoner bowed low to the ground as they murmured in the affirmative. "He was insistent on this point, Master," said their leader. He rambled like a madman, repeating everything she had said, including many unspeakable insults towards you and your ancestors, but--"

"Enough," Rehval said. "Return to your duties. No, wait. You three." He gestured to the trio of men on the right side of the group. "Go and help the repair efforts on tunnel six. Dismissed."

Normally, he spoke to his followers in more parental tones, closing with words like "Let my triple-blessing be upon you," or "Go with Jindan, my children." But Luffa had been laying siege to his planet for ten days straight. He no longer felt the mood to keep up his role as Trismegistus, the almighty Alchemist Supreme. Even the easy diplomacy of King Rehval seemed to escape him these days. Nearly two thousand of his followers had been killed since Luffa had arrived on Nagaoka, and with each hit-and-run attack, Luffa always found a way to hint that this was only a warm-up act.

"Having trouble, dad?"

He had begun to find a measure of comfort in his daughter, the Princess Seltiss. In his heart of hearts, he had always viewed her as more of an apprentice in statecraft, or a great bridge he had engineered to lead the way to the future. Now that she was back in his life, and now that they were stuck together on this planet, he finally began to appreciate her as family. Of all the Saiyans on the planet, she knew him best, and was never afraid to speak her mind.

"You saw the man they brought in this morning," he grumbled as she walked into his chamber.

"Yeah, I just came from the infirmary. They just pronounced him dead," Seltiss replied. "I came over to tell you. His last words were something about the water resevoir--"

"I already know," Rehval said. "It's bait. It has to be. There's fresh water all over Nagaoka. Even if she does poison our wells, even if she takes out our geothermal stills, it would only be a minor inconvenience."

"Like the spaceport," Seltiss said. "And the medical supplies. And Tunnel Six. She's not interested in striking decisive blows. She's wearing us down, a little bit at a time."

"It's more than that!" he insisted. "She's... building towards something. She threatened to kill us all, even me, when she already knows that's impossible!"

Seltiss shrugged. "She probably thinks that if she kills enough of your followers, then you'll lose the power you took from them, and that'll weaken your connection with the planet," she said. "Could that work?"

"Not well enough to do her any good," Rehval said. "I need the Saiyans. Without them, my work has been in vain. But there are other Saiyans in the galaxy. Weaklings, and not many of them, but enough for me to begin anew. As for this planet, my connection to it is complete."

"Cool beans. Then you have nothing to fear," Seltiss said. "It's like you told us before. Luffa's no threat to you anymore."

"That doesn't matter!" Rehval shouted. He rarely raised his voice. He considered it one of his more admirable qualities. What surprised him more than his outburst was the way he had slammed his fist on the armrest of his throne. Without thinking, he had pulverized it, and sent cracks running down the right side of the seat.

Seltiss had never seen him like this before, and though she tried to mask the shock with cool indifference, he knew better. He leaned back in his seat and rubbed his forehead. "She is the serpent in my garden," he said. "Rebelling, even when there's no possible way for her to win. I have to kill her or control her, or my authority will never be absolute. Her defiance proves that I can never tame the Saiyan heart, no matter how completely I control the others."

"So control her," Seltiss said. "You keeps saying you have the power. Find her, and put an end to this."

"She can mask her ki, and somehow use it at the same time," Rehval said, more despondently than he meant the reply to sound. It was unseemly for him to whine before his own child. "I suspected that she could do something like this, but I didn't realize to what extent. The squads can't find her."

"Then take away her hiding places," Seltiss said. "We know she's living off the land. Like, you keep saying you are the planet now. You can do with it as you please, right? Take the land away from her, and what does she have?"

Throughout this crisis, a thin beard had begun to grow on Rehval's face. He had been too preoccupied to shave. Now, he rubbed the stubble thoughtfully as he considered his daughter's advice.

*******

[30 November, 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

Luffa waited for the squad of cultists to fly directly overhead, and then she attacked, transforming into her Super Saiyan form so quickly that none of them had time to react. There were twenty of them in all. The first died instantly, and she used an explosive wave to kill two more, and throw the rest off balance. Then she flew away, leaving the other seventeen to wonder what had gone wrong.

As she flew into the clouds that covered the Nagaokan skies, she took a moment to admire the destruction taking place on the surface. Rehval had finally grown impatient enough to order a carpet bombing of the wilderness. As before, there were groups of twenty or more Saiyans spread out across the planet, but instead of hunting Luffa, they were now scouring the land with ki blasts. This suited her perfectly. With so much Saiyan energy being tossed around all at once, Luffa could fly much more freely across the planet without being detected.

Adjusting her trajectory, she propelled herself directly into the path of another squad two hundred miles away, and powered down so they wouldn't sense her approach until it was too late. Then she transformed again, and tore through them like so much paper. Just as they began to get their bearings, she flew away again, leaving them completely disorganized.

She repeated this trick again and again, picking off targets across the entire planet. It would have been glorious, if she wasn't so furious with them all.

"It's not like it was in the Federation, is it?!" she screamed as she impaled a warrior on his own short spear.

"Boxing me in, forcing me to jump from planet to planet to keep you from hurting innocent people!" she screamed as she broke another's neck three thousand miles to the southeast.

"You thought you could wear me out! Well I'm still standing!" she yelled while blasting four of them with a barrage of energy needles.

"And now you're the ones on the back foot!" she roared. At the equator, one of them managed to get off a decent shot at her, but she pulled one of his teammates into the line of fire.

"You've got nowhere to run!" Her boot slammed into a Saiyan's back at twice the speed of sound, and she grinned at the wet snap she heard on impact. Nearby was Nagaoka's fourth-tallest active volcano.

"This time you're trapped here with me, and I've got nothing and no one to protect!" Near the south magnetic pole, her Vengeance Cannon technique cut through five of them in one shot.

She doubled back to the fourth-tallest active volcano and shoved a woman face-first into a lave floe. "You all move so slow you might as well be standing still!"

She found a beach and decided to stand her ground for a few minutes. This wasn't for sport, but just to remind them that she could. The squad she attacked seemed almost grateful for the chance to try to fight back, but they soon found that their numbers weren't as effective as they'd hoped.

"I've been fighting you clowns for months!" she screeched as she slashed her nails through a Saiyan's throat. As he fell back and clutched his bloody neck, Luffa rolled forward and caught one of his partners with her legs. She flipped him over and sent him crashing down to the surf below, and then fired ki blasts down at him, then towards a third Saiyan who was trying to catch her off-guard.

"All that ganging up you punks do? It doesn't mean anything to me anymore! I've seen all the routines a dozen times! Hah!" She suddenly flung her left hand under her right shoulder and fired backward to catch a Saiyan coming up from behind. "Six? Ten? Twenty? It won't save you!"

One of them had the good sense to focus his ki on protecting his vital organs. Luffa punched him in the forehead and was surprised that he withstood the blow. She kept on punching him, like a jackhammer, until his skull finally gave way.

Before long, she had finished them all off. She sensed reinforcements coming, and by the time they arrived, they found her in a half-squat position, charging her power. Once they were within range, she unleashed it all at once, creating a massive explosion all around them.

"Still alive..." she observed as she flew towards handful of survivors. She rose up into the air above them and swung out her arm at the ground. "Now that's what I like to see!"

Her follow-up fused the sand into glass, but could not penetrate more than a few feet into the ground, thanks to Rehval's mystic power that tied him into the planet. Instead, the energy Luffa released was reflected back upon her targets, and they were helpless to resist the intensity of it. A few survived, and Luffa slaughtered them, lopping off their heads by using the edge of her ki-charged left hand like a knife.

"Enough, Luffa!"

She turned and found a familiar face, and she grinned savagely at the sight of it.

"Well, well," she said. "Look who's finally come out to play."

The ground behind her had swelled up, forming a hill, which gradually shaped itself into the image of a man: King Rehval.

"I'll say this for your stupid alchemy powers," Luffa said, "You've made this planet a lot sturdier than anywhere I've ever been before. I can't destroy it, but that's kind of handy too. It's nice to know I can cut loose while I fight your lackeys, and not have to worry about the whole planet exploding out from under me."

"I command you to stop this immediately!" he shouted.

Luffa responded with a Gallick Gun to his stony face.

"You can't harm me in this form!" he said. Indeed, the attack had left his earthen avatar completely undamaged. Luffa didn't find that very disappointing.

"Don't worry," she said. "That Gallick Gun was just a baby, Rehval. When I'm ready to hurt you, you'll know it."

"Damn you, woman!" he seethed. "You know this is pointless!"

"Sure it is," Luffa said with a grin. "And you came all the way here to remind me, just in case I'd forgotten how pointless this is. Very thoughtful of you."

"If you already know that, then why do you persist in this--?! Arrgh!"

As he had spoken, she gathered her energy and plowed directly into the avatar's body, then released it in a massive explosion. The surrounding area was reduced to charred wasteland, and Luffa alighted near one of the largest fragments of the rock-Rehval she had destroyed. Slowly, it merged with the ground below it, and rose up again to form a new body.

"Will you--! Stop that?!" Rehval seethed.

Luffa laughed again. "What's wrong? If what I'm doing is so pointless, what does it matter whether I do it or not? Don't tell me the almighty god-alchemist, his royal majesty King Revahl the Third is getting flustered over little old me."

"I'm not!" he shouted, and then he attempted to regain his composure. "I just... I don't like when you... when you flout my authority. I wish you would... not do that."

Luffa raised her hand high over her head and extended her middle finger. "And I just don't like you. I don't like your authority much either. I don't think anyone else on this planet likes it much either. I'm just the only one around here with the guts to do something about it."

"I'll kill you," Rehval said. "You won't be able to avoid my forces forever, Luffa. There's only so much habitable land on this planet, and there's less of it each day. Once you run out of hiding places, you'll have no choice but to face the full force of my power."

"It's a date," Luffa said. "You're going to rue the day you first heard my name, Rehval. But right now, I gotta go. See you real soon!"

With that, she shot into the sky like a rocket, just as another squad of Rehval's followers arrived.

"My lord," gasped their leader as she fell prostrate before his earthen likeness. "We came as quickly as we could..."

"The Saiyans who joined us," the rock-Rehval said. "Seltiss's band, the Free Companions. Have they received the Jindan power yet?"

"N-no, Master," the leader said, now rising to an upright position. "There hasn't been time for them to complete the initiation rites, and--"

"I don't care about the rites!" he snapped. Go back and prepare them immediately. I want them as strong as possible, so that I can crush that vile little throwback once and for all!"

The leader was gravely disturbed to hear this, but she was too loyal to question the command. "Yes! It shall be done right away, Great One!"

Then they flew back in the direction of their base. Having no further use for the rock-creature, Rehval allowed it to collapse back into the ground.

From her hiding place in the sky, Luffa saw all of this while she listened in on the comm-link she had stolen from one of Rehval's soldiers. She made a grim smile, then cut another notch in her stick.

*******

[3 December, 233 Before Age.]

As Trismegistus, Rehval had established a lengthy series of rituals and trials for initiates in his cult. He claimed that these were necessary to make the applicant worthy of receiving the potion that granted the Jindan power. In truth, their actual purpose was to brainwash the cultists and erode away their sense of independent thought. Now, as Rehval became more desperate to put an end to Luffa's rampage on Nagaoka, he chose to skip the protocol and dispense his potion to the newest recruits into his fold.

His daughter, Princess Seltiss had assembled a band of independent Saiyans, with the idea of establishing a new Saiyan nation in her father's absence. She had allied this Free Company with Luffa's Federation, but then switched sides, rejoining her father once it became clear that he was unstoppable. Seltiss considered herself a pragmatist above all. In her mind, joining her father in his moment of triumph was completely consistent with turning against him during his apparent madness. The decision was simple. There was no hope in opposing an invincible enemy, one who held every card and offered no weaknesses to exploit. And yet, she still feared for his sanity. The decision to join him had been a simple one, but it was by no means easy for her.

On the other hand, convincing the Free Companions to accept the Jindan potion had turned out to be very simple and easy. Luffa had killed over three thousand Saiyans since she arrived on Nagaoka's surface, and most of these had been Free Companions. The Jindan-empowered cultists were stronger and faster, and while Luffa had killed plenty of them as well, the Free Companions made much easier targets. As much as Luffa despised the cult, she had a real talent for driving Saiyans into Rehval's open arms.

In her quarters, Seltiss contemplated the bottle containing her own dose of the Jindan elixir, the last one. The cultists seemed to trust her to drink it, or perhaps they didn't see her empowerment as a high priority, since Seltiss didn't have a high power level to begin with. There was really no point in anyone checking to make sure she took her medicine. It was a matter of survival now. The curious red liquid might be the only thing that would save Seltiss' life during Luffa's next attack. And even without Luffa rampaging in their midst, she had already resigned herself to drink when she ordered her ship to surrender and land on Nagaoka. Things were happening faster than expected, but the cold equations had not changed. Her continued survival depended on swallowing her father's concoction, and then washing it down with whatever was left of her pride. What was she waiting for? Seltiss herself didn't seem to know.

And then, just as she brought the bottle to her lips, she sensed that terrible ki once more. Luffa was on the move again. Startled, she dropped the bottle, and so great was her dread that she didn't even notice it until the glass shattered on the stone floor. All that remained of the potion was a strange discoloration on the rock, and some maroon stains on her pink Montablanian leather boots.

Seltiss wasn't sure whether to be relieved or afraid. As she sensed the rising powers of her father's followers, she realized that it might not matter how she felt any longer.

*******

There were no names for the places on Nagaoka, and even if there were, Luffa wouldn't have known them. She had chosen a particular location to make her stand, but mostly for aesthetic reasons. It was a dry lakebed surrounded on all sides by buttes and mesas. It reminded her of some of her favorite hunting grounds on Dorlu Prime. More importantly it offered the best of both worlds for a battle: The lakebed was a wide-open space for fighting, while the surrounding topology allowed plenty of nooks and crannies to hide behind for ambushes. Luffa didn't expect any of this to matter, but she had a sentimental reason for choosing her battleground.

She expected it to be her last.

Rehval's forces had destroyed most of the terrestrial life on the planet by now. His hope was to cut off Luffa's supply lines by taking away the flora and fauna that she fed upon in between her hit-and-run attacks. But he had utterly failed to consider the seas, which were abundant in edible wildlife. While his followers had scoured the land in a desperate attempt to flush her out of hiding, she had been diving under glaciers for aquatic mammals. In the lakebed, she now chewed on a piece of blubber while she prepared herself for what came next.

The skies of Nagaoka were perpetually overcast, but on this night there were peals of thunder that hinted at a storm. It was completely dark, save for an occasional faint flicker of distant lightning in the clouds. Luffa took the stick out of her pants pocket and felt the notches that she had made in the wood. Satisfied with the count, she cut one last notch with her fingernail, and then tossed the stick to the ground. The time was right.

She transformed. Since coming to this planet, she remained in her Super Saiyan form only long enough to attack or to outmaneuver an enemy. This time, she stood and waited, letting the yellow glow of her aura illuminate the desiccated ground. She could sense Rehval's minions all over the planet, searching in vain for her. Now that they could sense her power, now that she was staying in one spot, they all began to converge on her position. Within minutes, she was surrounded. Thousands of Saiyans stood on the rocky outcroppings in all directions, all of them dressed in dark red uniforms, and carrying short spears, which seemed to be the signature weapon of the cult. The tips of the spears glowed a pale blue color. Luffa had been dealing with these weapons for some time now, and could only guess that there was some trick to making them work. Every time she had taken one for herself, it only behaved like an ordinary spear.

They all kept their distance. Luffa might have accused them of cowardice, but she couldn't deny that it was the smart play. Anyone who might have broken ranks to rush at her prematurely was probably already dead from all of the previous skirmishes. Those that remained knew that best hope of defeating her was to put their combined might into a single, concentrated force. If they could cut off her escape, if they could keep her surrounded and attack her on all sides, then they would have the power to overwhelm her.

Or so they believed.

At last, King Rehval himself showed up, after a fashion. She could still sense him staying behind at his underground compound on the opposite side of the planet. She had expected as much. He was a coward, above all else. Instead of appearing in person, Rehval used his avatar again. By whatever mystic alchemy he used, he formed a mass of earth and rock to rise up from the ground and assume the shape of his own body, more or less. The eyes of this two-hundred foot tall creature glowed purple as he glared down at her.

"Enough, Luffa. This time, there will be no escape," he announced.

"That's what I was about to say to you," Luffa replied.

"I thought you had some plan," Rehval said. "But I see now that you really did come here to die, after all. You just decided to drag things out for as long as possible. You wanted to kill some of my flock to get a measure of revenge, but now you've run out of hiding places, haven't you? Why else would you stand still and raise your power level? You practically summoned us here to destroy you. You've clearly given up hope."

She turned her head and spat on the ground. "You don't get it, Rehval," she said. "I already gave up hope before I came to this stupid planet. Everything since then has been rage. And patience. The waiting is over, Rehval. I'm ready to kill you all now."

"You don't have the power for that," Rehval said. "And even if you did, you could never kill me, Luffa. I have transcended beyond the mortal realm. I am more than anything you could imagine. I have the power of this entire solar system behind me. What do you have, besides that garish transformation?"

Luffa smiled. "Let me show you," she said.

And then, she began to yell.

Rehval and his forces held back, unsure of what to expect. Luffa's body glowed brightly, and for a moment, some of them expected her to attack, but instead she fired a ki blast straight up into the sky. The energy dissipated into the clouds, and for a moment the thunderheads turned yellow from the light. Then they parted, opening up a hole of clear skies directly above Luffa's head. For the first time in untold centuries, starlight shone down upon the surface of Nagaoka. The hole expanded in diameter, until at last, the clouds had retreated to the horizon, leaving only a panoramic view of outer space.

And there, high above the battlefield, was Nagaoka's moon.

It was full.

Luffa looked straight up to admire it. Her lips curled into a wicked smile, and her green eyes suddenly turned blood red in the moonlight.

"No..." Rehval said quietly as he realized what was happening. Panicked murmurs could be heard among his troops, as the ones who understood explained it to the ones who didn't. Luffa could barely hear them over the pounding of her heart in her chest.

"The tail!" Rehval shouted. "Destroy her tail! Now, before she has a chance to--!"

But it was already too late. Luffa began to laugh, and then a wave of golden energy spread out in all directions. Then another, and another. The Saiyans attacked, firing their own energy in unison, but none of their ki blasts could penetrate through to Luffa herself. They couldn't even see her.

But they could hear. The lakebed echoed with the giddy laughter of a Saiyan woman with nothing left to lose. And they heard this laughter gradually transform into the low, feral growl. Bolts of yellow lightning arced out across the lakebed, dancing from one mesa to the next.

At the epicenter of this terrible disturbance, Luffa continued to stare up at the moon. Her heart beat harder and faster with each passing moment. She let the transformation carry her away, neither knowing nor caring where it would take her. Normally, her body was only sixty-three inches tall. Now, she expanded with each breath, swelling to ten feet, then twenty, then thirty, and more! Her limbs and torso changed proportions as she grew, and a thick coat of fur sprouted from her skin. Her face contorted, warping her nose and mouth into a savage muzzle lined with sharp teeth, and her ears formed slight points on top. Her clothing was ripped to shreds by this awesome change, but this was the furthest thing from Luffa's mind. In that moment, all she cared about was power, and the retribution it would bring.

At last, when the transformation was complete, and her enemy could finally see her clearly, she loomed over them in the form of a giant ape. The Saiyans knew the Oozaru form well, but this was different. For Luffa's Great Ape had glowing yellow fur instead of the usual dark brown. Her blood red eyes glowed with murderous intent, and her bestial lips twisted with fury as she looked down upon them all.

By now, Rehval's followers had been fighting Luffa for some time, and they had allowed themselves to believe that they were used to the idea of what Luffa had become. Now, as each of them felt their blood run cold, they realized that they had no idea what to do. They all stood transfixed at the sight of this new horror, unsure what would happen next.

Luffa threw back her head, and began to pound her fists upon her chest. And then, she made a deafening roar.

NEXT: The Golden Oozaru.

#dragon ball #fanfiction #super saiyan #luffa #lssjluffafic #trismegistus #lesseri #seltiss #nagaoka

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buns-with-a-book · 4 years ago

Text

Beginner's Luck

Teeechnically a Bayonetta/DMC crossover, only because it’s based on concept art from Bayonetta of Enzo and Dante gambling...and Dante losing because of his bad luck. And a little bit of his Diesel costume from DMC2 (which actually isn’t that bad?)

Fandoms: Bayonetta, DMC Characters: OC (DMC), Rodin (Bayonetta), Enzo (Bayonetta) Tags: @furyeclipse @synchronmurmurs @harlot-of-oblivion @queenmuzz

Summary: Cassandra takes up poker against an old friend of Dante’s to retake the hunter’s beloved guns: Ebony and Ivory. Of course, grabbing that signature red coat was a plus.

Cassandra hummed as she walked down the grimy streets, bobbing her head to a song only in her head. Despite her chipper attitude, she had a place to be: a bar that Dante visited and came out with nothing. Literally, given his change of clothes from the iconic red to muted green. It didn’t look good, hence why she was walking down the street, finding the very bar he had been in the night before: The Gates of Hell.

Cassandra really had only one concern: Did he have to head to the nastiest place in the city? The Dump was a perfectly appropriate name for this shithole corner of the city. Not even Morrison, as far as she knew, came to this stretch of the city.

But here she was, walking through the darkness like a lonely star in an abyss-black sky. She stood out of place, that she knew well enough, but ignored it to focus on where she was going. She could fend for herself, she wasn’t exactly unarmed despite all appearances.

She pulled out a flyer, a garish purple scrap of paper, and glanced at the building to her left. Just like it said, the Gates of Hell was here. She shoved the paper back into her bag, the bag being full of hard-earned cash to gamble with. If Dante had gambled away his prized guns, then she’d have to gamble it back (and have enough to pay for their tab, depending on how much of a drinker this mysterious man was).

Did it make her a target? Yes. Yes it did.

Was it worth it to make Dante happy? Yes. Yes it was.

With a soft sigh, she opened the door. Much to her surprise, it was empty. The only music in the bar was from the gramophone, the worn record playing a jazz piece that sounded like it'd come from a film noir. Her green eyes glanced around the empty establishment before she walked over to the bar, eyes focused on the black bartender.

“Hm.” The bartender hummed. She could feel his eyes focused on her, analyzing her every movement. It was almost supernatural...but she ignored that gut feeling for now. “Haven’t seen you ‘round here before, lightspark.” She squinted at the name, something that only Dante called her.

“I’m looking for a man. He was here last night gambling with my...employer, Dante.” She said. “Perhaps you know him?” The bartender was silent for a moment, mulling over her inquiry as he lazily cleaned a glass.

“What’s it to you?” He asked.

“...because that idiot gambled something precious to him and I’m here to gamble it back.”

“Sounds risky.” The bartender hummed. Cassandra shrugged.

“Perhaps. But I guess I’m feeling lucky tonight.” She said, tilting her head just a little. The bartender smirked.

“Better keep an eye on your back. Luck doesn’t like being pushed.” Cassandra glanced back behind her before back to the bartender.

“Duly noted-”

“Rodin!” The doors flung open, causing her to wince at the sound. “Fuck me sideways, I’m beat!” She glanced back, watching as a portly Italian waddle to the bar. “Hit me up with a martini!” She looked to the now-named bartender, who subtly nodded to her, before returning his gaze to the portly Italian.

“No can do Enzo. Not until you pay your tab.” Rodin said as he turned around. The Italian, now named Enzo, let out a whine.

“Aw come oooonn! You haven’t yelled at me for it before!” Cassandra slid a hand into her bag and pulled out a crisp $20 bill. Rodin paused as the bill hit the polished counter.

“You payin’ for him?”

“Yep.” Rodin shrugged before finishing the drink, setting it in front of Enzo. Enzo’s eyes widened.

“For me?”

“I mean, I just said I’d pay for you.” Cassandra said with a shrug as Rodin took the bill. “A second martini for me, please. Strawberry flavor.” Enzo laughed as he took a swing of the martini.

“Well, you have my attention. What cha want?”

“Well, you have something I want. Ebony and Ivory.” Enzo’s eyes went wide.

“Ooooh, you want those lovely ladies.” He laughed, walking to an empty table. Cassandra watched the martini rest on the counter before taking it. She took a sip, watching Enzo as Rodin counted out change. “Look, I ain’t gonna give those guns to anyone-”

“Not even back to Dante, where they belong?” She asked.

“You know Dante?” Enzo asked, flopping down in the chair. “How is he?”

“Miserable without his ladies.” She said, taking the change Rodin laid down. She quickly thanked him before walking over to Enzo. “But I get the feeling you won’t let them up without a fight. Or a good ole fashioned game of poker.” She sat down across from him, who had burst out laughing.

“Lemme guess, Dante taught ya! That man has HORRIBLE luck!” He howled. Cassandra rolled her eyes.

“You don’t need luck to explain the rules.” Cassandra pointed out patiently. Enzo set his martini on the table and pulled out a deck of cards.

“Tell ya what, let’s play a quick game and if you win, I’ll give ya the coat.” Enzo set the cards down and took a sip of the martini. “I’ll even go easy on ya for the martini!” He threw out some cards, to which she took with a smirk.

‘You think I’m a push-over?’ She thought as the game began. ‘You’ll find that I’m no pushover.’

“So.” Enzo began. “How long have you known Dante?”

“Oh, about eleven years. He’s like a brother to me.” She replied, occasionally glancing up to him. She noticed she could see his cards in his sunglasses but kept her mouth shut. If he was helping her win, then she would take that as long as she could have that boon.

“Eleven years? Cute. So you ain’t doing this because you wanna fuck him, right?”

“Hardly. I like him but, as I’ve said, he’s a brother to me. And he’s been looking like shit without his coat and his ladies.” She said. “It’s a good thing he’s not going off to do some big job because if he went out without those things, I don’t think anyone would recognize him as Dante. That coat is his brand.”

“It’s also expensive to repair.” Enzo rolled his eyes. “But I’m not dealing with that anymore. That’s someone else’s job.”

“Mine, actually.”

“Ha! I don’t blame you for trying to get the coat back! Replacing that’s expensive!” Enzo said, throwing down his cards. “Alright, let’s see what you got!” Cassandra did the same, looking at his cards. Enzo quietly swore: she had gotten three of a kind. Enzo had gotten two pair. She had won.

“Huh. Guess I won this round.” She said as Enzo took back the cards.

“Ok, that was just a freebie because I wanted to see how good you were.” He clarified, retaking the cards. “I’m gonna be harder on you for the guns. And that means real money!” He opened up his coat and pulled out a wad of cash. “For Ivory, $250 dollars!”

“I can match that.” Cassandra said, mirroring his actions. Enzo grinned wide as he began to deal the cards.

“I like a gal who ain’t afraid to gamble.”

“These are Dante’s ladies, of course I’m gambling for them to come back home.” She pointed out, taking the cards dealt to her. Enzo took a sip of his martini.

“Ah, reminds me of my brats.” Cassandra raised an eyebrow and looked to his fingers, seeing a golden wedding ring on his finger.

“You’re a family man?”

“Yeah, two little monsters of my own. They’re cute as fuck though.” He chuckled fondly at the thought. Cassandra felt a twinge of sadness at that. Despite his profession, it still seemed as if he loved them dearly. It was something she wished her own father had done with her in her adult years.

“Cards?” Enzo’s inquisitive voice roused her from her thoughts. Cassandra laid down her cards, a Flush. Enzo swore under his breath as he laid down the Straight he had accrued. “Beginner’s luck…”

“Well, how about we raise the stakes a little? $500 for Ebony.”

“$700!” Enzo snapped. Cassandra let out a humorous huff.

“A bit of a sore loser, aren’t we?” She teased as she pulled out $1000 and set it on the table. “Let’s make it $1000.”

“Do play nice with the lady.” Rodin rumbled from behind the bar. Enzo grinned and leaned forward, taking back the cards and reshuffling them.

“You got yourself a game...aw shit, I just realized I didn’t get your name. What kinda player am I?”

“It’s Cassandra.” She pulled back a strand of hair.

“Cassandra...ok, nice to get a name to a face. Dante was talking up a storm about you.” Enzo chuckled. Cassandra raised an eyebrow.

“Has he now?”

“Oh yeah!” Enzo nodded. “Went on and on about this chick that’s been rooming with him. It ain’t the bazooka gal so it’s gotta be you.”

“If he calls me lightspark, then I’m the one.” She hummed, playing a card. Enzo laughed.

“It’s nice to meet ya. I know Dante’s got a new broker now and that means getting you is off the table.” He shrugged. “Oh well. It’s nice to play cards with him-”

“Because you can win.” Cassandra interrupted dryly. Enzo snorted.

“Fuck yeah I can win.” He smirked at that before throwing down his cards. “Four of a kind, haha!” Enzo laughed. Cassandra glanced to the cards, to her hand, and then back to the cards before chuckling, laying them to rest.

“Straight flush. I believe I win.”

“WHAAAAAAAAAT!?” He howled, staring at the cards. “Oh come fucking oonnn!” He whined. Cassandra finished off her martini and set it on the table.

“I won fair and square, Enzo.” She gently pointed out. Enzo groaned before getting up with a grumble.

“Ok ok ok, I’ll go get them.” He waddled out of the bar. Cassandra took her rightfully won cash, frowning.

“I thought I’d gamble away more money.” She said quietly. Rodin merely laughed from behind the bar.

“I never heard someone wishing they were unlucky.”

“It’s not that.” She corrected him. “I didn’t think I’d actually win back the guns.”

“I believe it’s called beginner’s luck.” He said with a shrug as Enzo reentered the bar. In his hands were Dante’s red coat and the handguns of note: Ebony and Ivory. They looked pristine, not a scratch on them since she last saw them. Cassandra swung the red coat over her shoulders.

“Ah, I hate beginner’s luck…” Enzo grumbled as Cassandra made sure the two were empty before placing them in her bag.

“At the very least, I’ll pay for the tab tonight. And only tonight, before you get any ideas.” Cassandra said, walking to the bar. She pulled out five $20 bills and set them on the counter. “Au revoir.”

“Jeez, you better tell Dante he’s lucky to have someone as nice as you!” Enzo yelled as she stepped out of the bar, walking her way down the streets away from the bar and back to Devil May Cry.

One long walk later, Cassandra pushed open the door. While she was heading back home, she picked up a pizza along the way, just for Dante.

“Dante!” She called. “I’m home!”

“I’m awake.” He grumbled. “No need to yell-” He perked up at the box in her hands. “For me?”

“Yeah, you dummy. But don’t get your hands all greasy yet. I got more than pizza for you.” She lowered the pizza on the desk and opened up her bag, producing the handguns and setting them on the table. Dante stared at them, eyes wide before she whipped off his coat and threw it back at him.

“You got them back?”

“Fuck yeah I did. These two.” She pointed to Ebony and Ivory. “Are your ladies. And your ladies should stay in your hands, not in some alcoholic Italian in a grimy fucking bar in The Dump.”

“...thanks.” Dante took the handguns and put them away. “Did you lose anything?”

“Only a hundred and twenty dollars for drinks.” She shrugged. “Mostly to make sure said Italian’s tab was covered for the night.”

“You’re spoiling him.” Dante shrugged, opening the box and taking a slice. “He’ll want to be your broker next.”

“Pfft, nah. I’m taken by Morrison and he knows it.” She sat down on the edge of the desk, setting the bag on the ground. She reached over and took a slice. “You know, you should keep the scarf. It’s not that bad.” She said casually. Dante just shrugged.

“Thanks for...everything, by the way.”

“You’re welcome, Dante.”

#devil may cry #devil may cry oc #bayonetta #bayonetta rodin #bayonetta enzo

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pro-bee · 5 years ago

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“Ziva, sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons.” “People always think their own reasons are right. Especially parents.” “Yeah, they got perspective.” “Parents don’t make mistakes!” “Yeah.” “My mother never told me what kind of a man my father was. Perhaps she thought I was not strong enough to handle it.” “Nah, she was just being a mom.” “How do you know?” “Perspective.” “Are you lonely Gibbs?” “You’re never alone when you have kids. ‘Night, kid.”

God, this is one of my favourite scenes of the series, and I think recent developments give it new depth because this conversation has kind of come full circle.

I love it because this moment, right here, is the Ziva-Gibbs relationship in a nutshell.

[very long post with lots of feelings under the cut]

You’ve got Ziva frustrated at the tangled webs people weave to protect their families, even when it ultimately ends up unraveling one giant mess.

The whole episode, Ziva’s interactions with Mariam are fraught with both compassion and frustration. She feels a sort of kindred spirit in Mariam, trying to survive a conflict with no winner but only losers while escaping with some sort of humanity. Yet she’s also deeply frustrated, because Ziva is tired of this shit and particularly the kind of shit men will put the women in their lives through in the name of honour, and she has trouble seeing why any woman would stand by it when they can clearly see they are in the wrong.

It’s one of the most interesting aspects of Ziva’s character to me, one which I wish they would have explored more in the series, because she’s a bit of a dichotomy. She’s clearly deeply entrenched in the system her father raised her in, but she also is compassionate towards the very people she was probably trained to mistrust, knowing that at the end of the day, they’re all after the same thing -- a peaceful existence where they are free to be who they are. It’s a nuanced view that isn’t always given the chance to breathe in the media.

But, here she is having just finished a case where someone -- a woman -- has once again covered up for the misdeeds of the men in her life, because she tried to protect them. Which gets her thinking about her own mother, who she now realizes covered up the things Eli did from her as a child so she could grow up with a father she could trust and love, even if we know now and Ziva would learn as a young adult that he did not deserve it.

We don’t know what happened to her mom (other than Ziva says she was killed, like Tali and Ari), but we can probably infer that she went to her grave trying to protect Ziva from Eli’s exploits.

(Now I’m wondering if Tali and their mom were killed in the same event?)

She’s still reeling from the fallout of Somalia two years earlier, of cutting her father out of her life, of trying to figure out if she’s able to forgive him, look past what he put her through and put other people through, if she can find a place in her heart for him the way Mariam has for her son and husband even if they’ve committed atrocious acts.

And that is where Gibbs comes in: That it doesn’t make Ziva weak that her mom didn’t share any of this with her, one which she had to find out herself the hard way. It’s that her mother loved her so much that she wanted to shield her from that part of their lives, let her keep her innocence for as long as possible so that she could live in a world where her father wasn’t capable of heinous acts in the name of “duty”, because he was still her father and she needed that presence in her life, such as it was.

As we know now, Ziva seems to have grown up thinking that being strength = taking things and moving on. But we know that true strength, one which Mariam shows and arguably Ziva’s mother did, is being able to accept those parts of your life and still maintain your humanity and decency.

Then that flips to the Ziva-Gibbs relationship, because she has a moment of honesty with him, asking if he’s lonely. With Borin he brushes it off, but with Ziva, he offers his truth as he knows it. “You’re never lonely when you have kids.” Is it a delusion he tells himself? Perhaps, but in that very moment, I believe that he believes it, completely. Because he cares for these people, the same ones who have spent the entire week trying to set him up with someone specifically because they care for him and don’t want him to be alone.

But more than that, when he tells her, “’Night, kid,” he’s not just teasing her about being one of the “office kids” who he looks over and takes under his wing. Coming off the discussion about the parents, he’s also telling her that he’s watching over her here the way her father couldn’t. That he sees her heart, the way she cared for Mariam and her family, and he knows where she belongs. He’s reminding her that she is part of a family here, one that may have had its own share of secrets to protect one another, but caring nonetheless. He’s acknowledging the love he has for them (and her) as much as the love they have (and she has) for him.

What really gets me, though, watching this now after season 17, especially these last two episodes, is how much their relationship has come full circle. We went from them being his “kids” to Ziva fighting for “her family” in the season 10 finale, to all the heartache between season 11-16, to the bitterness of season 17, and back to their father-daughter relationship.

Because now that Ziva is a parent herself, she has that perspective that Gibbs is talking about.

She, too, has now done the wrong things for what she believed were the right reasons.

(Ahem, keeping Tali from Tony. Faking her death. Acting alone to fight terrorists. etc.)

And now, of course, with her perspective, she can see why Gibbs did or didn’t do the things he did, the same way she can probably now better understand why her own mother did what she did when she was a child.

(Except Eli. Eli is still the worst. In this house we drag Eli David.)

She has done things as a mom that have been painful and impossible but necessary, the way Mariam did or Gibbs did or her own parents did.

Yet another thing that I love about it is how it comes around for Gibbs, too. He wasn’t lonely here, he claims, because he had the love of his family, his “kids”. Admittedly I have only seen a few episodes between season 14-16, but the few that I have seen, what has stood out to me is just how lonely and isolated Gibbs has become. (I never saw the Paraguay arc, but I take it that messed him up a lot?)

Arguably, he’d lost his “kids.” Ziva was “dead,” Tony was gone, Abby left, McGee was around but now busy with his own family. (Of the newbies, Ellie is the only team member with a normal family so she doesn’t need the surrogate parent in Gibbs, and Torres, well, I don’t know enough about him but he’s got a whole other kind of personality and doesn’t seem to crave that parental bond the way the others do, and Kasie keeps herself a bit at a distance.)

And, yeah, obviously “kids” grow up and move on, but the episodes I’ve seen, it does seem that Gibbs holds himself back at a distance even further than he used to. (I remember in one of Ellie’s episodes in season 11, Gibbs essentially told her that he went easy on her and held back because every time he looked at her desk all he could see was that Ziva wasn’t there.) He has grown older and colder, at all-time peak aloof, save for rare moments. He just seems sad. (Like, not obviously grief-stricken, just... worn out.)

But then in these latest Ziva episodes, we’ve seen him more animated than we have in a long time. He’s laughed and yelled and choked up and smiled. Because something has finally clicked back into place. And it’s not just that Ziva is back, although that is a huge part of it, but it’s like this black cloud that has hung over them has lifted. The guilt and the grief have dissipated. The missing piece of the puzzle has been put into place. And even if Ziva isn’t actually around full-time, knowing she’s out there is comforting.

And mending that relationship with her is a big part of that. Because Ziva was “the favourite”. I mean, I know Abby was, technically, but he had different relationships with them. Abby’s was a parent-child one, too, because she too was a girl who’d lost her parents, but she’s so sunny and self-assured that I think theirs was more one of comfort. However, with Ziva, I think he recognized immediately how vulnerable she was, how emotionally fragile she was beneath the bravado, and that she was a girl from a broken home who’d never really been protected, and was now making her way in the world without having learned the safety of her father’s love. Plus you add the shared combat experience between them, and the connection makes even more sense. If you think that she left under the most contentious of circumstances, then (nearly) met a tragic end, you can see why that guilt would have weighed down those memories of Gibbs’ even more than Abby’s, who left of her own volition to follow her own dreams. (lol let’s not get into the off-screen reasons.)

I digress.

What I’m trying to say is that now that Gibbs and Ziva are back in each other’s lives, and have laid their cards on the table and confessed their hurt and in turn forgiven each other for it, they have reached a new stage of their relationship. That they both have new perspective. That Ziva understands what her mother did, but also what Gibbs did. And Gibbs tried to protect Ziva then like he has now, but understands better what that actually means for her and what she needs. (Ah, communication, what a concept.)

So they’ve both done very wrong things for what they thought were their own right reasons.

He won’t be lonely anymore, because he’s got his kids back, and his almost-daughter most of all. He’s not going to let her go anymore than she will him.

And on another note: That puts Ziva’s comment in 17x02 about how she was never alone, even on the run, because she always had her daughter, into relief. Because, yeah, she was alone while Tali was with Tony, but she carried Tali in her memories and in her heart, and that was her guiding light throughout this whole ordeal. So Gibbs was right, you never are alone when you have kids. And Ziva will never be alone ever again.

#9x05 #safe harbor #season 9 #17x11 #in the wind #season 17 #ziva-gibbs family feels #I LOVE ZIVA SO MUCH OK #I AM SO GLAD SHE IS BACK #AND I GET TO HAVE ALL THESE FEELINGS AGAIN #WITH ALL THESE PARALLELS #AND I JUST WANT HER TO BE SO HAPPY #this got in the way of my fic writing #oh well #lol #i don't want to go to work tomorrow you guys

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theuniversitychallengereview · 4 years ago

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UC 50.13 - Manchester vs Edinburgh

Generally speaking, there are two kinds of all-conquering sporting dynasties - those that seem fair, and those that don’t. In the second category we have the likes of Michael Schumacher at Ferrari in the early 2000s or Manchester City and Chelsea in modern football.

While there is undoubtedly a massive amount of sporting talent on show in each of those cases, there is something about the inevitability of their successes that makes them feel a bit unearned, be that by virtue of the vastly superior car the German had in at least three of his five consecutive championships, or the stinking piles of dirty money that has allowed Pep Guardiola to squander more than £400m on defenders in his tenure as City boss.

In the other category we have Michael Phelps, or Serena Williams and the Big Three in men’s tennis. They have exerted a vicious dominance over their sports, but without any seemingly unfair advantage over their peers, other than their sheer talent and determination (obviously they will have had various advantages that allowed them to reach the top in the first place, but I think professional sports is one of the few places where consistent greatness is truly reflective of who the greatest people are at a given thing).

This realisation, as to why I always resented Schumacher his relentless winning, while simultaneously being annoyed when someone other than Federer, Nadal or Djokovic (or Andy, of course, one of the only people to ever make me cry) won a Grand Slam (how dare they break the streak), only came to me today when thinking about the Manchester University Challenge team.

There’s just something that feels more organic, and therefore more impressive, about Federer making 34 consecutive Grand Slam quarter-finals than there is about the Golden State Warriors winning back to back NBA titles having signed MVP-calibre Kevin Durant off the back of the best season in NBA history (not sure how niche that reference will be to the readership here, but I already deleted a bit about him earlier on, and I’ve put a link to the story in so you’ll have to deal with it).

The Manchester Uni Challenge team of 2005-2013 fall somewhere in the middle of the two categories (so I guess there is, as with all things, another category that encompasses everything between two extremes). Those of you who have been reading this for a while (and I have no idea how many people will have stuck around even since last year) will have heard this spiel about the semi-final streak before (because I relish talking about it every time Manchester are on), but I’m going to go through it again because its a great story.

So, first of all, Manchester do have some obvious advantages over other teams competing to win University Challenge. For one, its pretty massive, with more than 40,000 students. This means its more likely for them to be able to put together a team who will make it onto the live recordings - and indeed there are only two teams (Durham and tonight’s opponents Edinburgh) who have made more appearances on the show in the Paxman Era.

However, between them Durham, Edinburgh, York and Warwick (the other two most appearing-est institutions) have fifteen semi-final appearances out of seventy five. Manchester alone have ten, with nine of them coming in a ten year period when they didn’t exit the tournament before that stage. This historic run saw them lift the trophy four times, tying with Magdalen College, Oxford for the all-time record.

The source of their sustained excellence can be attributed in part to the coaching of Stephen Pearson, a man known as the Sir Alex Ferguson of University Challenge (I really do recommend reading the linked article here). Under his tutelage, successive cohorts of students were able to create a dynasty this quiz had never seen before (and isn’t likely to see again). Thats one of the things which makes it seem fair, that the system he built allowed different sets of four students to repeat the same results.

Another is that it broke up the historic duopoly that University Challenge is famous for. Between 2008 and 2019, Manchester were the only non-Oxbridge side to win the competition, and it is the teams from Oxford and Cambridge who you can most easily level the ‘unfairness’ tag at, what with their combined ten entries a year (yes, yes, I know. If you combined the college teams you’d create a monster team and no one else would ever win (I think they would, but that’s beside the point) but that’s beside the point).

Manchester haven’t reached the semi-finals since the end of that run in 2013, but with back-to-back quarter-finals in the past two years they look to be on track for a return to the top (I’m going to look very silly after all this if they lose tonight, which you probably already know, reader).

I’d like to talk about Edinburgh too, my beloved Alma Mater who finally upgraded my degree after two years of appealing recently, but I’m conscious I’ve already spewed out a full article on my Manchester intro. I will say, however, that if Edinburgh win, there will be four Scottish Unis in the second round for the first time since ever (there are already there guaranteed for the first time since 1995).

Anyway, you’ll all be exhasuted if you’ve made it through all that, so I won’t bother with the rules; here’s your first starter for ten.

Edinburgh are introduced first, with Jeffcoat, who’s actually wearing some kind of tweed blazer rather than a coat, but I’ll let him off. Their mascot is possibly the best I’ve ever seen on the show - a framed photo of the moment Robbie Campbell Hewson won Edinbugh the title in 2019 (bottom right of below picture). They have a scottie dog too, but its the picture thats the real star.

Manchester have a pig in a hat (or possibly a scarf, or possibly something else entirely), but the main interest on their table is Jones-O’Brien, who has perhaps the first name I’ve ever seen to contain both a hyphen and an apostophe. Good job all round, there.

It is his captain, Spacey, who kicks things off in a luxuriant velvet jacket, with Jane Eyre. Manchester take a full set on the bonuses, and then another, racing off into a 50 point lead. Jones-O’Brien is whats known in the game as a leaner, and rotates his body 45 degrees towards Spacey each time Paxman reads out a question. It seems to be working though.

Jeffcoat, who has a pen stored in his blazer just incase he needs to do some working out, gets Edinburgh off the mark and shoots his teammates a wink for good measure. They zap a hat-trick out quickly too to halve the deficit.

No one gets the first picture starter, which is an arrow on a map to ‘Worthing’, and I’m not surprised - who the heck has even heard of Worthing let alone knows where it is on a map (offence to Worthing), but Manchester pick up the bonuses, which are more towns that have won Pier of the Year, as according to the National Piers Society, something I am extremely happy to hear exists but never wish to be a part of (I’m sure they wouldn’t want to write University Challenge blogs either).

Paxman laughs as Edinburgh’s Clarke gives an answer which suggests that a puffin makes a noise that sounds like the word puffin, and to be fair thats a pretty funny mental image (mental sound image?). The perfect bonus streak is over, though Manchester will manage a fourth set before they miss any five pointers. The music starter goes to Edinburgh, but they remain ten points adrift despite having been better on the buzzer, thanks to Manchester’s bonus-work.

Now, I’d actually been taking notes for once this week, but around this stage I got so caught up in the action that I quite literally was unable to pick my pen back up, so I’ll just go from memory (I know I could just slide the timer back on iPlayer, but I’m on a bit of a roll here and I don’t want to slow myself down).

Manchester went on a bit of a run at this point, opening up a lead that would probably be unassailable. By the time of the second picture round the gap was in three figures, so Edinburgh would purely be fighting for one of the high-scoring loser spots (tough first round draw for both teams this).

Jeffcoat jolted them out of their stupor with Degas (who I almost spelled as Degat. For some reason I can never spell painters names correctly. For years I though Titian was Tischen), but only a single bonus followed (though Clarke did pronounce Seurat impeccably, both as a wrong and right answer). Spacey hit back with O, but Manchester struggled for the second time tonight on science-y bonuses. They wouldn’t score another point, but they’d already won.

The two captains then guess the 8th and 2nd of December as the date of Jesus’ conception - the heat of the competition was getting to everyone - but Clarke makes up for it with Oak next time around, and Fricker comes up clutch with Flag on the next starter as well.

A full set of bonuses saw them reach 150, which would be enough to see them make the play-offs, but Winter negged on the next to drop them down to 145 (which would also have been enough, as it turned out, so I was getting too excited at the end). Clarke then got them another to put me at ease for the final few seconds.

Final Score: Edinburgh 155 - 200 Manchester

Another excellent, high-scoring game - probably the highlight of the series so far for me - and I’m very glad we’ll be seeing both sides again.

Phew, that was a long one. If you’ve made it this far (first of all, congratulations) then you might like the retro reviews I’m doing of the 2015/16 series of The Challenge over on my Patreon. To sign up for exclusive content, for as little as £1/month, you can follow this link.

Thanks for reading, see you next time out.

#university challenge #bbc2 #manchester #edinburgh #Jeremy Paxman

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carcino-generic · 5 years ago

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HOW HUMANS ARE HAVING THEIR LIVES RUINED BY KARKAT VANTAS

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ALRIGHT, HERE’S THE BASICS OF CAPITALISM FROM A WORKING CLASS AMERICAN. I WANT TO START OUT BY SAYING I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT EUROPE, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, OR ANY OTHER “FIRST-WORLD” COUNTRIES. I DON’T KNOW WHO TORIES ARE AND I DON’T CARE ABOUT EMMANUEL MACRON. FOREIGN AFFAIRS ARE NOT MY CUP OF TEA THANKS. I HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITH DOMESTIC POLITICS. ALSO DON’T GET ON MY ASS ABOUT CALLING IT AMERICA INSTEAD OF THE U.S.A., CANADIANS DON’T ACTUALLY WANT TO BE AMERICANS AND IF THEY DO THEY’RE MORONS FOR REASONS THAT WILL BECOME CLEAR AS YOU READ ON.

YOU KNOW HOW IN A NORMAL SOCIETY, TRADE IS DRIVEN BY RESOURCES AND PRICES ARE DETERMINED BY THE AVAILABILITY, COMPLEXITY, AND DIFFICULTY IN PRODUCTION OF A PRODUCT? SO IMAGINE YOUR COUNTRY GETS ENOUGH MONEY, POWER, AND SHEER BLIND DEVOTION FROM ITS CITIZENS TO THROW ALL THAT IN THE GARBAGE, AND THEN IMAGINE THAT EVERYONE CAPABLE OF MAKING MEANINGFUL CHANGES AT A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL, WHILE REMAINING WITHIN THE CURRENT SYSTEM, IS OWNED BY SOMEONE WHO BENEFITS EGREGIOUSLY FROM EVERYTHING STAYING THE SAME, AND EVEN MORE EGREGIOUSLY FROM THINGS BECOMING WORSE. NOW IMAGINE THAT WHEN I SAID “SOMEONE” I MEANT “ONE OF MAYBE FIFTEEN MEGA-CORPORATIONS THAT OWNS EVERY OTHER BUSINESS IN THE COUNTRY,” AND WHEN I SAY “EVERYONE CAPABLE OF MAKING MEANINGFUL CHANGES...” I MEAN POLITICIANS WE ELECT TO PRETEND TO REPRESENT OUR INTERESTS WHO HAVE IN REALITY BEEN BOUGHT OUT BY CORPORATE INTERESTS AND RISK LOSING THEIR JOBS IF THEY MAKE LAWS THAT THREATEN THOSE CORPORATE INTERESTS’ BOTTOM LINES. BASICALLY, WE INVESTED ALL OUR POWER INTO PRIVATELY OWNED MONEY SINKS AND FORGOT TO CARE ABOUT THE THINGS THAT MATTER, LIKE THE ACTUAL CITIZENS? OKAY THIS IS GETTING AWAY FROM ME, WE MIGHT HAVE TO START FROM THE BASICS.

I DON’T KNOW HOW YOUR SOCIETY WORKS, BUT IN OURS, YOU START OUT AS A LITTLE BABY. AS SOON AS YOU’RE PHYSIOLOGICALLY CAPABLE OF EXISTING FOR CONSECUTIVE HOURS WITHOUT THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED YOU, THEY SHOVE YOU IN A CLASSROOM AND START FEEDING YOU A MIXTURE OF COLONIAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL, PHILOSOPHICAL, AND POLITICAL PROPAGANDA. THAT’S ALSO WHERE THEY TEACH YOU HOW TO SOCIALIZE WITH KIDS YOUR AGE AND SHIT. FOR SOME KIDS IT’S THE *ONLY* PLACE THEY CAN LEARN TO SOCIALIZE, BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS ARE TOO BUSY, ABSENT, OR PROTECTIVE TO BRING YOU OUT TO INTERACT WITH PEERS. EITHER WAY, THIS IS WHERE KIDS FORM THEIR CONCEPTS OF BOTH PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SOCIAL CONTRACTS. THE TRAUMA OF RACIAL AND GENDER PROFILING IS NASCENT HERE, BUT OH BOY IT INTERNALIZES QUICKLY. (MORE ON HOW PEOPLE OF COLOR, THE WAR ON DRUGS, AND PROFIT ARE ALL LINKED LATER ON, OR MAYBE JUST LOOK UP A VIDEO ESSAY ON IT IDK.)

IT’S PRETTY MUCH THIRTEEN YEARS OF THIS SAME SHIT, ESPECIALLY THE PROPAGANDA BIT. KIDS GROW UP BEING INDOCTRINATED WITH THIS COMPLETELY WHITEWASHED VERSION OF REALITY, BELIEVING CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS* IS THE SHIT AND CAPITALISM IS THE ONLY EFFICIENT MODEL FOR MODERN SOCIETY. THEY’RE USUALLY TAUGHT ALL ABOUT WORLD WARS I AND II, THE VIETNAM WAR, THE COLD WAR, AND THE SPACE RACE, WHICH (BY UNEQUIVOCALLY POSING AMERICANS AS THE GOOD GUYS AND THE SOVIETS AND CHINESE AS THE BAD GUYS, CEMENTS THE CONCEPT THAT CAPITALISM INHERENTLY RULES AND COMMUNISM INHERENTLY FAILS) FURTHER INDOCTRINATES KIDS. IF YOU’RE REALLY AN ALIEN I DOUBT YOU’VE SEEN THIS IMAGE, BUT EVERY SINGLE AMERICAN EARTHLING HAS:

THIS GUY IS NAMED UNCLE SAM, HE’S BASICALLY AMERICA’S FURSONA. HE EXISTS TO PRESSURE YOU INTO SIGNING UP TO FIGHT IN A WAR. HE WAS USED A LOT IN THOSE WARS I TALKED ABOUT UP THERE, ESPECIALLY THE FIRST THREE. HE’S NOT AROUND SO MUCH ANY MORE BUT THE GENERAL SENTIMENT IS. HERE’S HOW.

WHEN YOU GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, THE LAST “REQUIRED” STAGE OF SCHOOL, YOU ARE EXPECTED TO MOVE OUT AND GET A JOB TO SUPPORT YOURSELF. BUT NOWADAYS, IF YOU WANT A JOB THAT PAYS FOR YOUR HEALTH CARE, LETS YOU STAY HOME WHEN YOU GET SICK, GIVES YOU DAYS OFF TO GO TO FAMILY EVENTS SUCH AS WEDDINGS, FUNERALS, THE BIRTH OF YOUR CHILDREN, AND OTHER UNIMPORTANT DRIVEL THAT DOESN’T MAKE CEOS MONEY, YOU BET YOUR ASS YOU’D BETTER GET A COLLEGE DEGREE. HAVING A DEGREE IS THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU CAN GUARANTEE THAT YOU MAKE MORE MONEY. THAT ALL SOUNDS FINE AND DANDY, EXCEPT NOW YOU HAVE TO PAY SOME INDUSTRIAL-SCALE LOAN SHARK MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER HAVE IN YOUR 401(K) TO LET YOU GET YOUR HIGHER EDUCATION. A LOT OF PEOPLE END UP OWING UPWARDS OF FIFTY GRAND TO A PRIVATELY OWNED LOAN AGENCY BY THE TIME THEY’RE TWENTY-ONE, BECAUSE AS FRESH ADULTS THEY WERE TOLD THEY WOULDN’T GET A WORTHWHILE JOB UNLESS THEY HAD A DEGREE. BUT HERE’S THE THING: A LOT OF TIMES, JOBS LIKE THAT WON’T EVEN HIRE YOU UNLESS YOU HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE NOW! THAT’S ANOTHER TWO YEARS OF CLASSES AND ANOTHER HUGE CHUNK OF MONEY YOU NEVER HAD TO BEGIN WITH.

OF COURSE THERE ARE LESS EXPENSIVE OPTIONS, LIKE TRADE SCHOOL AND COMMUNITY COLLEGE. BUT REMEMBER THE PROPAGANDA I MENTIONED? IT’S SO PERVASIVE, A LOT OF YOUNG PEOPLE DON’T EVEN CONSIDER TRADE SCHOOL AN OPTION NOW, BECAUSE WE CULTURALLY VALUE THE “INTELLECTUAL” JOBS—DOCTOR, LAWYER, ENGINEER, ACCOUNTANT, BUSINESSMAN—WHICH ARE STRANGELY ALSO THE CAREER PATHS THAT REQUIRE THE MOST INVESTMENT OF TIME AND MONEY! NOW IF YOU DECIDE TO BE LIKE ME AND GET A JOB RIGHT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL BECAUSE THE EDUCATION INDUSTRY IS A PUTRID WASTELAND, YOU’RE AUTOMATICALLY LOOKED DOWN UPON. A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE WHO ARE PURSUING LESS LUCRATIVE CAREERS THAT INTEREST THEM***, INSTEAD OF THE BIG MONEY JOBS, ARE DISPARAGINGLY ASKED IF THEY WANT TO “END UP WORKING AT MCDONALDS.” I DON’T PERSONALLY WORK AT MCDONALDS BUT THIS SHIT STILL OFFENDS ME. BUT THEN AGAIN I’M A MILLENNIAL SNOWFLAKE SO WHAT DO I KNOW.

ACADEMIA HAS A LOT OF ITS OWN PROBLEMS BUT I’VE ONLY HEARD THOSE SECONDHAND, SO LET’S LEAVE THAT HELLSCAPE TO ITS ELITISM AND STAY WITHIN THE BLUE-COLLAR SUBCLASS. COMMON PARLANCE WILL REFER TO THREE MAJOR CLASSES: THE LOWER CLASS (DIPLOMATICALLY CALLED THE “WORKING CLASS”, HA FUCKING HA!), THE MIDDLE CLASS (WHICH THEORETICALLY MAKES UP THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION), AND THE UPPER CLASS (FUCK THOSE GUYS BUT WE’LL GET AROUND TO THAT LATER.) THIS MODEL IS PRETTY MUCH JUST DESIGNED TO CREATE TENSION WITHIN THE PROLETARIAT, BUT HANG ON A SECOND, I JUST REMEMBERED YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE PROLETARIAT IS YET.

SO BASICALLY, THERE’S NOT THAT MUCH DEFINABLE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE “MIDDLE CLASS” AND THE “WORKING CLASS.” WHEN YOU THINK OF WORKING CLASS, COLLOQUIALLY, YOU THINK OF THOSE LOSERS THAT WORK IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY OR DRIVE TAXIS OR (AND THIS IS INCOMPREHENSIBLE TO SOME PEOPLE) HAVE NO JOB AT ALL. THE MIDDLE CLASS IS MORE LIKE TEACHERS AND MIDDLE MANAGERS AND GUYS THAT BUILD SOFTWARE REMOTELY FOR MICROSOFT. REALLY THOUGH, THERE’S NO WAY TO DRAW A DEFINITIVE LINE BETWEEN THESE PEOPLE. THE BEST WAY TO DEFINE CLASS IN AMERICA, (AND ALSO APPARENTLY GERMANY, AT LEAST IN THE 19TH CENTURY,) IS TO SEPARATE THOSE WHO PRODUCE GOODS AND THOSE WHO OWN THE GOODS THAT ARE PRODUCED. THERE IS NO “MIDDLE CLASS”, THAT’S JUST A MEANINGLESS THING TO STRIVE FOR BASED ON WHAT WHITE FAMILIES IN SITCOMS LOOK AND ACT LIKE.

WORKERS WHO PRODUCE GOODS AND SERVICES ARE THE BACKBONE OF SOCIETY AND THEY’RE CALLED THE PROLETARIAT. THEY ARE SERVICE WORKERS AND JANITORS AND TAXI DRIVERS AND HOTEL VALETS, BUT THEY ARE ALSO ELECTRICIANS AND PLUMBERS AND MECHANICS, AND THEY ARE LAWYERS AND DOCTORS AND PROFESSORS, AND THEY ARE YOUTUBERS AND INFLUENCERS AND SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGERS. THE PROLETARIAT IS ANYONE WHO MAKES MONEY BY SELLING THEIR LABOR. THEY CAN BE CONTRACTORS SELLING THEIR LABOR TO INDEPENDENT BUYERS, OR FREELANCERS SELLING THEIR LABOR TO MULTIPLE LARGER BUSINESSES, BUT MOST OF THE PROLETARIAT IS DIRECTLY EMPLOYED BY SOME KIND OF COMPANY OWNED BY A MEMBER OF THE BOURGEOISIE.

THE BOURGEOISIE IS KIND OF A MEME AT THIS POINT BUT THEIR IMPACT ON THE WAY WE LIVE IS FUCKING INESCAPABLE. THEY’RE PEOPLE WHO *BUY* OUR LABOR, ACCRUE CAPITAL BY SITTING ON THEIR (SOMETIMES LITERAL!!!) THRONES, OWNING COMPANIES AND PEOPLE, SOMETIMES BEING A PUBLIC FIGURE (LIKE ELON MUSK) WHO RAKES IN ADORATION FROM HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MINDLESS TWITTER DRONES WHO STILL BELIEVE IN CLASS MOBILITY****, OR SOMETIMES BEING A SHADOWY FIGURE IN THE BACKGROUND (LIKE THE KOCH BROTHERS) WHO JUST PASSIVELY RAKE IN THE BENEFITS OF OUR HARD WORK AND CAN’T BE ASSASSINATED BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD RECOGNIZE THEM IF THEY WERE SEEN AT KROGER. THEY ARE USUALLY BORN WEALTHY, BUT VERY RARELY THEY CAN USE THEIR CHARISMA, INTELLIGENCE, SOCIAL CONNECTIONS, AND INTRINSIC PRIVILEGE AS A WHITE PERSON TO YANK THEMSELVES UP FROM THE PROLETARIAT (READ MY CLASS MOBILITY NOTE FOR MORE!!!)

SO THE RESULT OF THIS CLASS DIVISION IS AS FOLLOWS:

THE PROLETARIAT NEVER EARNS THE ACTUAL VALUE OF THEIR LABOR. A “SMALL” CHUNK IS ALWAYS TAKEN OUT FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE TOP, WHO “RUN” THE COMPANY (BUT REALLY THEIR JOB IS USUALLY TO EAT FANCY LUNCH AND TELL RACIST GOLF JOKES TO RICH INVESTORS). IN FACT, WAGES ARE USUALLY ENTIRELY DISSOCIATED FROM THE ACTUAL PROFIT THE COMPANY MAKES. FOR A BUSINESS TO BE PROFITABLE, IT HAS TO PAY THE EMPLOYEES IT RELIES ON LESS THAN WHAT THEY BRING TO THE TABLE, WHICH MEANS MOST COMPANIES ESTABLISH A BASE WAGE THAT’S EITHER EXACTLY THE STATE’S MINIMUM WAGE OR A COUPLE CENTS HIGHER TO COMPETE. THEY LITERALLY PAY THE LEAST THEY LEGALLY CAN. SOMETIMES *LESS*.

YOUR JOB IS EXPECTED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE. EXHAUSTED AFTER YOUR FORTY, FIFTY, OR SIXTY HOUR WORK WEEK? THAT’S JUST NORMAL, THEY’RE NOT SQUEEZING THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF LABOR OUT OF YOU THAT THEY CAN WITHOUT KILLING YOU! WANT TO TAKE A FEW DAYS OFF TO SPEND TIME WITH YOUR WIFE AFTER SHE GAVE BIRTH TO YOUR INFANT CHILD? SORRY, YOU’RE OUT OF SICK DAYS. MISSED THE BUS AND THERE’S NOT ANOTHER ONE FOR AN HOUR? IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR NOT HAVING A CAR OR SPENDING FIFTY BUCKS ON AN UBER. TRYING TO GO TO YOUR FIFTH FAMILY FUNERAL BECAUSE ALL YOUR RELATIVES ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES AFTER A HARD SIXTY YEARS OF LABOR? OOH, SORRY, YOU ONLY GET FOUR FUNERAL DAYS A YEAR! NEED TO GET ANOTHER JOB BECAUSE YOUR CURRENT ONE DOESN’T PAY ENOUGH? WELL, YOU FORGOT TO DISCLOSE IT TO YOUR BOSS AND THEY FIRED YOU FOR TWO-TIMING THEM! A JOB IS MORE OF A COMMITMENT THAN A SPOUSE, AND IF YOU HAVE OTHER PRIORITIES, YOU WON’T LAST LONG.

BECAUSE THE BOURGEOISIE OWNS SERVICES THAT SHOULD BE PROVIDED BY THE GOVERNMENT, LIKE HEALTHCARE, HOME AND AUTO INSURANCE, A LOT OF HIGHER EDUCATION ESTABLISHMENTS, CREDIT BUREAUS, LOAN COMPANIES, AND HOSPITALS, PROFIT IS THE MOTIVE THERE TOO! WHICH MEANS IF YOU HAVE ANY KIND OF INSURANCE, NEED TO BUY A HOUSE OR A CAR, WANT OR NEED AN EDUCATION, ARE CHRONICALLY ILL, OR JUST EXIST ON A GENERAL BASIS, COMPANIES ARE RIPPING YOU OFF. YOU ARE BASICALLY PAYING THOUSANDS A MONTH FOR THE CHANCE TO GET *SOME* OF YOUR MASSIVE HOSPITAL BILL COVERED IF YOU GET IN AN ACCIDENT. THIS ONE IS NEAR AND DEAR TO ME. FOR UNIMPORTANT REASONS, I MANAGE TO RACK UP A LOT OF DEBT EVERY YEAR GOING TO HOSPITALS AND URGENT CARE, CALLING AMBULANCES, PAYING FOR MEDICATION THAT DOESN’T WORK. DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE CHARGED NIGHTLY TO STAY IN HOSPITALS LIKE THEY’RE GODDAMN HOTELS? LIKE IT’S A FUCKING VACATION? AND DID YOU KNOW THE BILLING DEPARTMENTS OF EACH OF THESE PRIVATELY OWNED ESTABLISHMENTS IS MADE UP OF UNDERPAID, OVERSTRESSED MEMBERS OF THE PROLETARIAT WHOSE JOB IS TO FUCK UP YOUR BILL SO YOU OWE MORE THAN YOUR VISIT ACTUALLY COST?

MEDICAL FACILITIES ARE ALSO PUSHED TO SELL OVERPRICED DRUGS THAT DON’T WORK TO PEOPLE. HEADS UP, GUYS, BUT ANTIBIOTICS DON’T WORK AGAINST VIRAL INFECTIONS, AND YET THEY’RE PRESCRIBED FOR THE FLU AND COMMON COLD EVERY DAY. AND SOMETIMES THE DRUGS DO WORK, BUT THEY’RE STILL OVERPRICED! IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE INTERNET AT ALL THIS YEAR YOU’LL KNOW ALL ABOUT THE INSULIN CRISIS, WHICH WAS CREATED ARTIFICIALLY. BASICALLY THE PEOPLE WHO OWN INSULIN (YEAH, *OWN* A LIFE-SAVING MEDICATION) RACKED UP THE PRICE SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE COULDN’T FUCKING AFFORD IT ANYMORE, DESPITE A NORMAL DOSE OF INSULIN COSTING LIKE FIFTY CENTS TO MAKE?? OR, HOW ABOUT THIS—THEY INVENTED THIS COOL NEW CHEAP PAIN-RELIEVING DRUG CALLED FENTANYL AND DISCOVERED THEY COULD MAKE A SHIT TON OF MONEY OFF IT, SO DOCTORS PRESCRIBED THE HELL OUT OF IT UNTIL PEOPLE GOT SO ADDICTED TO IT THAT TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIED OF OVERDOSES. OH, DID I SAY “PRESCRIBED” IN THE PAST TENSE? MY BAD, THEY CONTINUE TO PRESCRIBE IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. IF YOU HAVE CHRONIC PAIN AND ASK DOCTORS NOT TO PUT YOU ON PAIN MEDICATION, A LOT OF TIMES THEY WILL STILL PUT YOU ON PAIN MEDICATION. IF YOU EXPLAIN TO YOUR DOCTOR THAT YOU KICKED A HEROIN ADDICTION AND YOU REALLY WOULD NOT LIKE TO HAVE OPIOIDS PUT IN YOUR BODY, THEY WILL PROBABLY STILL BE LIKE, HUH, SUCKS FOR YOU, AND PUT OPIOIDS IN YOUR BODY.

DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE ANY OF THIS? PERHAPS PETITION YOUR LOCAL POLITICIAN, OR GOD FORBID, STATE CONGRESSMAN, TO PASS A LAW THAT YOU THINK MIGHT IMPROVE YOUR LIFE? WELL, IT TURNS OUT YOU NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO RUN A CAMPAIGN NOWADAYS, AND POLITICIANS ARE ALLOWED TO BE SPONSORED BY BIG BUSINESSES, BECAUSE BUSINESSES ARE PEOPLE. SO IF YOU’RE THE SENATOR OF NEW JERSEY OR WHATEVER, AND YOUR CONSTITUENTS WANT YOU TO VOTE TO RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE, BUT YOUR CAMPAIGN IS OWNED BY WALMART, WHO WANTS TO KEEP PAYING ITS WORKERS ELEVEN BUCKS AN HOUR, YOU HAVE THE CHOICE BETWEEN MAKING A COUPLE LITTLE WORKING CLASS IDIOTS ANGRY OR GETTING ALL YOUR FUNDING FROM WALMART PULLED BECAUSE YOU THREATENED THEIR PROFIT MARGINS.

NOT ACTIVELY DYING FROM A TREATABLE ILLNESS, WASTING AWAY FROM DRUG ADDICTION, OR ENTRENCHED IN SLAVERY TO A CORPORATION WHOSE PRODUCT YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN? GREAT! DID YOU KNOW THE PLANET WILL BE ON FIRE IN LIKE A FEW DECADES? OIL AND GAS COMPANIES HAVE SO MUCH INFLUENCE OVER THE LAWMAKERS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO PROHIBIT THEM FROM RUINING THE PLANET, THEY’VE PUT THE ONUS OF SAVING IT ON INDIVIDUALS’ SHOULDERS. REDUCE YOUR CARBON EMISSIONS BY TAKING THAT HOURLY BUS (YOU’LL EITHER BE FIFTY MINUTES EARLY TO WORK OR TEN MINUTES LATE!) OR RECYCLING YOUR SHIT (BUT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR MUNICIPALITY CAN’T RECYCLE, THEY’LL THROW THE WHOLE BATCH OUT WHEN YOU PUT TRASH IN) OR TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF IN YOUR HOUSE (JUST EAT DINNER IN THE DARK YOU PIECE OF SHIT) OR INSTALLING SOLAR PANELS ON YOUR HOUSE (FUCK ME FOR RENTING I GUESS?) THERE IS SO MUCH WE CAN DO JUST WHENEVER TO SWITCH TO SUSTAINABLE ENERGY, BUT EXXON AND BP AND SHELL OWN SO MUCH INFLUENCE THAT WE’RE JUST *NOT*, AND LEAVING THIS WASTELAND OF A HOME PLANET TO OUR FUTURE GENERATIONS. BUT AT LEAST ELON MUSK BUILT THIS REALLY COOL LOW-POLY BETHESDA LOOKING PIECE OF SHIT FOR US TO MAKE MEMES ABOUT

HERE’S THE SKINNY OF IT, PEOPLE. THERE’S NO OUT WITHIN OUR CURRENT SYSTEM. EVEN IF YOU DID THE MAGIC AND PULLED YOURSELF UP BY YOUR BOOTSTRAPS AND NOW YOU’RE A BIG BOY WHO OWNS HIS OWN COMPANY, YOU LEFT BEHIND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T WIN THE BIRTH LOTTERY LIKE YOU DID. INNOCENT FOLKS ARE DYING OF HUNGER OR ILLNESS THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO TREAT, CRASHING CARS THEY CAN’T AFFORD TO FIX, WORKING THEMSELVES LITERALLY TO DEATH TO SUPPORT THEMSELVES OR THEIR FAMILIES, AND SCRAPING BY WITH A MEASLY ALLOWANCE OF FREE TIME WITH WHICH TO UNWIND AND CATCH UP WITH OTHER PEOPLE. THEY DON’T HAVE TIME TO WATCH THE NEWS, THINK CRITICALLY ABOUT THE SOCIETY THEY LIVE IN, CONCEPTUALIZE UNIONIZING OR REVOLTING OR BUILDING GUILLOTINES. THEY WANT TO KEEP US EXHAUSTED AND STRUGGLING BECAUSE IT’S WHAT KEEPS THEM COMFORTABLE UP THERE, KNOWING NO ONE HAS THE ENERGY OR THE GALL TO TOUCH THEM. THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO ESCAPE THIS HELL WE’VE CREATED IS THROUGH REVOLUTION. WE NEED TO SCRAP THIS WHOLE THING AND START OVER. BUT I THINK THAT’S ANOTHER ESSAY. ANYWAY I HOPE THIS WAS THOROUGH ENOUGH FOR A LITERAL ALIEN SOCIETY.

TL;DR: WE ARE ALL FUCKED IF WE DON’T OVERTHROW THE RICH.

---------------

*CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS IS SOME EUROPEAN WHO SAILED THE WRONG WAY AND ENDED UP IN THE AMERICAS. HE AND HIS BUDDIES RAPED AND PILLAGED THEIR WAY THROUGH A BUNCH OF INDIGINOUS COMMUNITIES AND DECIDED THIS COUNTRY WAS “FREE REIGN” TO SETTLE IN. HE IS HAILED AS THE AMERICAN ODYSSEUS AND CREDITED WITH THE “DISCOVERY” OF AMERICA BECAUSE OF COURSE ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIVED HERE FIRST DON’T COUNT??

**I DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT WARS EITHER BUT LET’S GET INTO IT FROM THE POV OF A GUY WHO PASSED HIS WORLD HISTORY CLASS WITH A STRAIGHT B MINUS.

THE FIRST WORLD WAR: I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS ONE.

THE SECOND WORLD WAR: THE ONE WHERE A BUNCH OF SCIENTISTS AND GOVERNMENT OFFICERS BOMBED A COUPLE OF CIVILIAN SETTLEMENTS IN JAPAN AND I’M PRETTY SURE AN *ENTIRE HAWAIIAN ISLAND* JUST TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED. TURNS OUT IT KILLED A BUNCH OF CIVILIANS. HUH! WHO’D HAVE EXPECTED THAT! OH IT ALSO TURNED AN ENTIRE GENERATION OF OTHERWISE DECENT FOLKS INTO RABIDLY PATRIOTIC IDIOTS, BECAUSE THE PACE AT WHICH THIS COUNTRY CHURNS OUT PROPAGANDA DURING A WAR IS FASTER THAN THE SPEEDING RUBBER BAND I SHOT WITH MY FINGERS AT THE TEACHER WHO WAS EXPLAINING WHY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY WAS IN THE ABSOLUTE WRONG DURING THIS CATASTROPHE.

VIETNAM: OKAY SO BASICALLY PEOPLE HATED THIS ONE BECAUSE THEY REALIZED SOLDIERS WERE GOING ALL CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS ON THE COUNTRIES WHERE THEY WERE STATIONED. ENOUGH SAID.

COLD WAR: THIS IS NOMINALLY A WAR BECAUSE THE GOOD OLD U.S.A. AND ITS HATEFUCKBUDDY THE U.S.S.R.† DID THIS WITH WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION

(EVENTUALLY THEY DECIDED TO PUT THE FINGER GUNS AWAY. I’M GONNA LET YOU TRY TO PUZZLE OUT ON YOUR OWN HOW COUNTRIES “PUT AWAY” NUCLEAR WEAPONS CAPABLE OF ENDING ALL LIFE ON EARTH.)

SPACE RACE: THE U.S. AND THE U.S.S.R. HAD A FUN COMPETITION TO SEE WHOSE DICK WAS BIG ENOUGH TO GET TO THE MOON. SCIENCE IS RUINED.

***ARTISTS, WRITERS, JOURNALISTS, VIDEO ESSAYISTS, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO ISN’T EITHER OWNED OR SPONSORED (THAT’S A FANCY WORD FOR “OWNED”) BY BIG BUSINESS TEND TO BE THREATENED BY POVERTY. PRETTY MUCH ANYONE WHO CAN FREELANCE ACTUALLY, BECAUSE WORKING FOR A CORPORATION PROVIDES THE SAFETY NET THAT SOCIAL PROGRAMS WOULD OTHERWISE TAKE CARE OF IF SOCIAL PROGRAMS WERE FUNDED EVER.

****ALSO KNOWN AS THE AMERICAN DREAM, IN WHICH *ANYBODY* CAN MAKE IT IN THIS COUNTRY IF THEY TRY HARD ENOUGH! UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS A MYTH, AS YOU CAN SEE BY THE FACT THAT I AM STILL REALLY POOR, AS IS LIKE 90% OF THE COUNTRY. PLUS CLASS MOBILITY WORKS REALLY HARD TO KEEP MINORITIES IN EXTREME POVERTY, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EXIST AS AN ISOLATED SYSTEM AND ANYONE WHO THINKS IT DOES IS A DUMBSHIT WHO’S BOUGHT INTO THIS EVEN MORE THAN THE AVERAGE DUMBSHIT.

†RUSSIA’S COOL NEW NAME WHEN IT TRIED OUT SOCIALISM

#HERE YOU FUCKING GO ALIENS.#I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A D MINUS FOR THIS IN SCHOOL.#FOR REASONS THAT ARE ESTABLISHED UNDER THE CUT.#{{i typed this in google docs? its uhhh 8 pages long #addiction/#drugs/#war/#uncle sam/#tesla truck/#watch as it fucks up the formatting and kills me instantly

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evolutionsvoid · 6 years ago

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Back when I was updating and posting the Furies, DarkSideDuck made mention that their backstories and lives sounded like a teenage drama and I thought that was pretty hilarious. That concept got stuck in my head so I decided to goof around with it and make this. What I imagined was a show that was exactly like one of those high school teen drama shows, but all the characters are these monstrous god-beast things. Everything in the show would remain the same, with all the buildings, vehicles and everyday gadgets staying human-sized and designed for human use, but the people were just monsters for some reason. No explanation would be given and no attempt would be made to try and make things grounded in reality. How does a two headed turtle creature fit through a doorway? No clue, it just happens. How can a massive snail beast riding a raft of bubbles drive a car? Doesn't matter, she just does. The entire show focuses on a group of girls who attend the same school: Ka'Ran High School. These 7 ladies (technically 8, but two of them are fused together) are just your average teenage gals who are just trying to make their way through high school and life. Bad enough that they got to deal with school drama, homework and that darn principal, but they also have to put up with their super controlling and buzz-killing parents! Lame! But as the hits keep coming and life keeps throwing curve balls, this group of gals finds help and care from each other, which is what gets them through this crazy world known as high school. But that is only if their parents don't kill them first when they find out who dented the car! WHOOOOOOOOOOA! Cast: Ter'Mora: High school and classes may be a pain in the butt, but Ter'Mora prefers it much more than being at home dealing with her parents. Her folks are incredibly uptight and overbearing, always keeping tabs on her and refusing to let her have her own life. There are some days it feels like she lives in a prison, as her parents practically keep her locked in the house whenever she is not at school. With drama both at home and school, Ter'Mora just wants to get through each passing day and hopefully find some freedom when she graduates. She mainly keeps to herself and does her best to stay unseen and unheard. This quiet, lackadaisical life, however, gets turned upside-down when her old childhood friend Tsundra suddenly shows up! The crafty runaway shakes quite a few things up for Ter'Mora, as she now gets dragged into crazy situations that her parents most definitely wouldn't approve of! Though Tsundra can cause some headaches and may get her in trouble, Ter'Mora enjoys the time spent with her. Perhaps this old friend may be the key to unlocking those prison doors and at last setting Ter'Mora free. Tsundra: Though she may be found hanging around the high school, Tsundra doesn't actually belong there. She is less of a student and more of a runaway, as she fled the clutches of her parents and drifted to this little town. Now she just wanders the streets and looks for any way to get by, even if it calls stealing a thing or two. She occasionally will get a job, but sooner or later her attitude and lifestyle causes some trouble! If that happens, she doesn't worry, as her smooth talking and sly thinking always gets her out of a jam. During the day, she often shows up somewhere on the school grounds, blending in with the student body. She does this mainly to avoid unwanted attention, as the town's Svlranix keep a lookout for any kids skipping class and she certainly doesn't want them catching her! The other reason she does this is to hang out and socialize (and con some folk for a free lunch), which is how she found her old friend Ter'Mora. Back when they were kids, Tsundra and her family lived in this very town and the two were inseparable friends. Sadly, Tsundra's folks took her away and moved elsewhere, shattering that beloved friendship. After all these years, Tsundra assumed that everyone in the town forgot her and that Ter'Mora moved on. Upon their first meeting, though, she found this was hardly the case! The two now work to rekindle that special friendship, but unfortunately Ter'Mora's strict parents often get in the way. Tsundra cannot stand the way Ter'Mora lets her folks control her, so she tries to find ways to toughen her friend up and get her to stand up for herself. Trouble and wacky adventures usually ensue with these efforts!

Vortess: The very picture of rebellious teen, Vortess has no love or care for things like rules and curfews. Trouble is her profession, as she is always finding a way to stick it to "the man" and thumb her nose at the "authorities." This hardcore, punk lifestyle can be seen in her all-black wardrobe and by the fact she got piercings without asking her parents' permission! WHOOOOOOA! When at school, she can either be found in the halls skipping class or in the principal's office (mostly the latter), as she refuses to be a part of "the system." Not only is she a pain to every adult in town, but she frequently picks on other students at school, mainly the nerds and any one who follows the rules. Outside of school she can be found in any alleyway or any place where it looks cool when you loiter. Pretty much any graffiti found in town belongs to her and her "gang" (there is like only two people in it), and she has been known to go on the occasional joy ride with somebody else's car. Vortess wants to always be cool and tough, no matter the time and place. Even if she is out of her element or doesn't know what she is doing, she will always try to keep the cool persona up. This often leads to her doing dumb weird things to impress others, or saying things that make absolutely no sense because that is how cool people talk. She is also currently dating Elkaz, but she would never admit that because the "boyfriend girlfriend thing" is something only losers do. They just like to hang out a lot and do the same things together, it is nothing serious or stupid like that SHUT UP!

Typhin: The main gossip girl of Ka'Ran High, no juicy info ever escapes her ears. She is always on the prowl for the latest info and drama that she can use for her own plots. It also doesn't help that she is the head of the school paper, which is a role she takes WAY too seriously. If she gets her hands on a real juicy piece of gossip, she will be sure to slap it right onto the front page. That is unless an interested and charitable person is willing to "convince" her not to do so. This leads her to be the master of blackmail and also the top person on the "Do Not Let This Jerk Any Where Near You" list for practically any student. This doesn't bother her, as she has some ingenious (and possibly illegal) ways to gather information and find out humiliating secrets. Her insidious and conniving ways makes her despised by most, but very few are foolish enough to take her down. This is because she most likely has info on them that she will leak out to all if confronted, a fact she is quick to point out every time. She also is under the protection of Magalya, head cheerleader and top girl of all Ka'Ran High, and no one wants to cross her. It is rumored that Magalya took Typhin into her clique to ensure the sneaky reporter never said a bad thing about her and so that she could focus her attacks on Magalya's enemies. Magalya: Not only is she the head cheerleader and most popular girl in school, but she is also the most feared. Magalya carries a lot of power when it comes to social standings and the school food chain, and she won't hesitate to use it on those who tick her off. Some may be fooled by her cheery, rah-rah attitude when she is performing, but when off the field she is a rather foul-tempered mean girl. It doesn't take much to irritate her, and she will make her annoyances quite vocal to the offending parties. Those who truly anger her will face extreme punishment. This can lead to her either turning her posse on them, using Typhin to publicly humiliate them or resorting to some good ol' physical violence. As a star athlete, she is quite in shape and deceptively strong, so don't think picking a fight with her is a good idea. Most students work to stay on her good side or at least be so insignificant that she doesn't even acknowledge them. Those who seek to be in her good graces hang around her like flies, showering praise and agreeing with every word. This is a risky maneuver, though, as one misstep can easily result in becoming her next target. Rumor has it that Magalya is dating lead quarterback, Grkhan, but many think that is a rumor made by Grkhan himself, as she only refers to him as "that idiot." Avla: From her enthusiasm and naivety, one should immediately know that Avla is not from around here. She is in fact the new student at school, as her family just moved into town from some far away place. She is eager to learn and way too happy to be at school, which has quickly led to her being labeled a nerdy loser. She has a love for study and books, which makes her a favorite to the teachers and a target to the students. Vortess is one of the folk who see Avla as an easy target, and she frequently picks on her. No matter the bullying, though, she seems to always be optimistic and looking to make new friends. This effort to make friends often backfires or makes her a target for ridicule, but it has worked in her favor once. Strangely enough, Avla wound up getting into the good graces of Ter'Mora and Tsundra, but not for the reason she thinks. One day she cornered the duo and tried to get into conversation with them. After some talk, she asked if they wanted to have a sleepover at her place, which was weird because who has a sleepover when you're in high school? Though the two were ready to blow her off, Tsundra came up with an idea. If Ter'Mora could convince her parents to let her go to this innocent sleepover, than it would be the perfect cover for her and Tsundra to ditch Avla and hang out all night. They agreed and Ter'Mora eventually got her parents to let her stay the night at Avla's house (but only if Avla's parents were home and watching). When dropped off, the two were surprised to find out that Avla's mother was actually a rather cool and chill person (ya know, for an adult). She let the trio do whatever they wanted, and she was quite the nice and understanding person. In the end, the two abandoned their idea of skipping out and actually stayed there the entire time. Now they have taken Avla under their wing, but mainly because they want to use her place as a way to escape the folks and chill out. For Avla, she thinks that they are now best of friends, and is unaware of their other motives. Funny enough, though, Tsundra and Ter'Mora wind up being really good friends to her while trying to pretend to be her friends. Felor and Drogue (not pictured because no space): These two twins are the right and left hand of Vortess, which isn't saying much since they are one of the few members of her gang. While they are trouble makers just like their leader, they mainly do this out of bumbling and buffoonery. The two are not the brightest pair and they make things worse out of their desire for pranks and jokes. Much of the pranks they pull are petty and stupid, but they find it absolutely hilarious when people fall for it. While Vortess prefers trouble that is more rebellious and destructive, she has recruited this duo because they are easily impressed by her. The two are in awe of her cool attitude and think that hanging with her makes them cool as well. Not only do they work as Vortess's cronies, but they often play the role of hype men for her. They do, however, often mess things up for Vortess, but she never truly punishes them as they are two of the few people who actually hang out with her. Oddly enough, Felor and Drogue seem to have a fine relationship with their parents, which constantly baffles and annoys their leader. To Vortess, parents are lame tyrants that should be blown off and ridiculed, and Felor and Drogue pretend to agree with this. At the end of it all, though, the twins get along just fine with their folks and they are always apologetic when they get caught causing trouble. And that is the end of that! Nothing really to add or say, as this was just some dumb fun doing a dumb thing! Enjoy!

#monster #creature #high school #art #drawing #dumb stuff #fury #titan

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tassium · 5 years ago

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#TAYLOR SWIFT APPRECIATION LIFE

PART 6 - reputation

(part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5)

Listen. This was by far the hardest review for me to get going into properly. I love every single track on this album without exception, and it was SO HARD for me to come up with coherent comments to make on all of them.

But I think I managed alright, and we’re finally about to embark on the wild ride that is @taylorswift‘s 6th studio album, reputation.

Hang on tight, and please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.

1. ...Ready For It?

No, Taylor, none of us were ready for this, not even a little bit.

Can we just talk about that introduction? like. What a way to kick off an album. This track grabs you by the hand and just pulls you along for the ride, like “get in losers”. That little throat clear at the beginning! the beat that drops off and lets her voice go all light and ethereal! This song is a wild ride from start to finish, and I love it. “Let the games begin” indeed.

And that MUSIC VIDEO!!! I want the rest of that movie, please.

I made a reaction video to this track/video and if you wanna check it out, click here

2. End Game

I love the synths at the beginning of this song, but I’ll be honest that Future’s verse took some time to grow on me. Ed’s verse and Taylor’s on the other hand? Boy. Those grabbed me from the start, as did the harmonies that are laced all through this track.

Is it just me or was this the first time she used the word enemies for the people she’s clashed with? I feel like that’s a new thing.

I also reacted to this one when the video dropped, click here to watch

3. I Did Something Bad

Okay so first and foremost. Taylor Alison Swift, in the year of our lord 2017, swearing on a track out there in front of god and everybody. I feel like if there was any remaining ‘oh she’s just a sweet young thing’ attitude from anyone, this album shattered it to pieces in the best way.

The production on this track, I can’t even. This is an explosive track, it just hits you like a train and drags you along for the ride. There’s a bit on the way out of the track where she says “I did something bad” in a straight spoken voice and it is. Too much for this weak swiftie!

4. Don’t Blame Me

This sacrilegious hymn of a track. I swear. That almost broken electronic wavering synth behind the chorus. The choir effect on her voice. The stripped down beat-driven verse. The lyrics in general? My dude. I can’t. Also anyone who still thinks she has no range can physically fight me after that note after the bridge. That’s power is what that is.

Also can we talk about that behind the scenes clip of her filming the angry distant vocals for the chorus? I’m weak.

5. Delicate

Another thing I’m weak for is use of vocoder. And that beat that comes in for the verse! AND THAT LITTLE ‘delicate’ IN THE CHORUS!! kills me every single time. I’ll be honest here and say that the video for Delicate didn’t really grab me as much as some of the others, but the song itself certainly did.

Can we just. Talk for a second about how sad it is to think about that concept of ‘wow. you must really actually like me if you’re hanging around through all this mess.’

One of my favorite things in this track is the descending harmony behind “sometimes when I look into your eyes”. I always want to sing along with the harmony instead of the melody on that part because I find it so compelling.

6. Look What You Made Me Do

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN! that building drumline is absolutely gorgeous and I can’t not air drum to it - I don’t even play drums!

Also, yes, I am fully aware that I JUST SAID on the 1989 review that Out of the Woods was too repetitive for me, and here I am raving about this song which... honestly. Is just as repetitive if not more so. But this song just grabs me so much more and so instantly that I really get into the repetition (And maybe that has something to do with the familiarity because of the sampled melody).

That plinking lead line thing, and oh my god, the percussion on the second chorus. I can’t.

The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now CAUSE SHE’S DEAD. And I feel like with lover about to come out, maybe we’re killing off yet another “old taylor”

click here for my reaction video

7. So It Goes...

I read somewhere that the tracks with the ellipses on them mark out the edges of the “side A” part of the album, and it’s the spot where things shift over to a different feeling, and I believe it.

Again, this track has absolutely outstanding production on it, the softness dropping into the driving beats, and the bridge. Oh my god. I’m still not over that whispered “1 2 3″. And that line “i’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you’ reminds me of blank space and that “I can make the bad guys good for a weekend” it’s like the inverse of it.

Also welcome to the first track on this album that I refuse to let my dad listen to - “scratches down your back” indeed t a y l o r

8. Gorgeous

Adorable baby voice!! This song is so great, I love it to pieces. I love the sort of bitter quality about it and the way she’s taken how tumblr and twitter fandom talks about celebrities and made it just a mainstream piece of her song.

Also is that a bell like the kind they put on counters to get the attention of the person working? because I can’t help but hit the bell (air bell!) when it comes in and that’s what I always picture when I do so.

I can’t come up with anything more coherent so .... guess I’ll just stumble on home to my cats.... ;)

9. Getaway Car

More vocoder! I love. The wording in this song is so evocative and brings up such perfect, crisp mental images for me, and she applied that to perfect metaphors for the situation in question. I love the idea of how.... like. It’s a rebound relationship, right? but it’s the getaway car from the previous relationship. And really, you can’t be surprised when something like that doesn’t last as long.

Also that outro beat? Be still my heart!

10. King of My Heart

THIS SONG!!!! More gorgeous vocoder use, of course, but then also. So many little things about the lyrics that get me! “Salute to me, I’m your American queen” and “jag-u-ars” and the way she sings “luxury” and just!!! so much!

As for the musical side of things, I absolutely adore that really subtle acoustic guitar in the chorus, and the DRUMS in the post-chorus (or whatever you want to call that bit). They’re so full and almost feel-it-in-your-chest even just in headphones! (I’m still not sure I survived that concert)

11. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Early on I had a half-baked theory that this song is about John Mayer, but the timeline doesn’t work at all, so... definitely not. Still though, think about it. “slow dancing in a burning room”/”swaying as the room burned down”

That aside, though, this song makes me think of the Halsey track Bad at Love if ONLY because of the theme of melancholy looking back at relationships that felt doomed from the start (or didn’t, as the case may be, I don’t know)

But also just. Taylor’s vocal performance on this song. Those ‘ad libs’ in the background of the final chorus have so much power in them.

12. Dress

And here we have the other Taylor song I won’t let my dad listen to. He would be scandalized to death by this song.

I love that lyric about the golden tattoo. I can’t really explain what it is about that line that gets me so much.

More beautiful production - something about the tracks on this album feels so grand for lack of better word. Plus there’s that moment in this song “say my name and everything just STOPS” and the whole thing goes silent... I will never forget the feeling of that line coming out and the way the whole stadium went dark.

13. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Ahhhhh I love this song. Gotta love a nice sassy Taylor style clapback, right? Beautiful.

“Feeling so Gatsby” is the best line for getting her point across. You don’t even have to be particularly familiar with the work that references, it just brings the opulence to mind effortlessly.

That laugh in the bridge though, and the tumbling low piano crash afterward, I love it so much. Again to reference the tour, it was such a great extended moment of laughter. So great.

14. Call It What You Want

This... Is probably my favorite track on the album, if I were pressed to name one. I adore this song so completely. I still get just emotionally overcome if I take the time to really pay attention to this song when it comes on. I love it so much, and it’s such a beautiful hopeful song. Like, yeah, my life’s been a right mess but it’s better now with you in it, and just.... this song fills me with feelings like that one animation in the lizzie mcguire movie. 90s kids, you know the one I mean. (lover, the song, gives me those same feelings, just amplified like 30x)

The smile in her voice on “yes” can almost bring me to tears all by itself.

my reaction video can be found here

15. New Year’s Day

Speaking of beautiful mushy-feelings-bringing tracks... The fact that these two are paired back to back like this is just bringing both barrels to my emotions. Gosh.

At the show, I’d taken my shoes off literally two songs prior - I was the girl carrying her shoes in the lobby.

I love so much that it’s just her with a piano and then a little bit of guitar, and those soft self-harmonies on some parts - “please don’t ever become a stranger” reminds me of Enchanted.

This song will without fail make me cry because it’s just so soft and I’m so happy for her. I can’t believe how long it’s been and she’s so happy and in love and. Even when this song came out. Gosh.

We did it, yall. We’ve made it up to date, and it’s almost time for Lover to come out! I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready. My emotions aren’t ready. Gosh.

Anyway, thanks for coming along with me on this ride. See you on the other side of the release!

#taylor swift #reputation #album review #Taylor Swift Appreciation Life #Our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift

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messrprcngs · 6 years ago

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* THEATRE NERD!PETER PARKER HEADCANONS .

SUMMARY : just some really cute theatre nerd!peter headcanons because i feel like if peter knew anything about musical theatre he’d be really into it PAIRING : theatre nerd!peter parker x reader WARNINGS : none, i think A/N : so this hasn’t really been edited and i may or may not switch from present-tense to past-tense like halfway through it so i’m really sorry but i hope you guys like it anyway ! and if you could send me a message if you like it ? i can be on or off anon, i just really need some encouragement right now because i have a lot of schoolwork to do and actually hearing that people like what i write takes a bit of stress away from me

- okay so i just imagine peter being like super into theatre and honestly it's just the cutest shit ever and i love and stan this concept but anyway - - you're new to midtown high, and you and michelle are, like, best friends. the two have been inseparable since birth, and have gone to the same school since preschool. so imagine your disappointment when you find out that she got accepted to midtown high, this school for geniuses that you didn't get accepted to - fast forward to the end of your freshman year, and you've finally convinced your parents to let you apply to midtown again you also may have accidentally gotten yourself into enjoying musicals, dear evan hansen specifically ( damn tumblr for introducing you to mike faist and his wonderfully amazing hair ). you were hoping for the best, but unfortunately, you were sure that the 'best' you were going to get was a letter from midtown saying something along the lines of "sorry, you didn't make it in. try again next year !" - so imagine your surprise when you get the letter from midtown in the middle of july saying that you did it. you got in - you're so excited for school to start, because even though you've only gone one school year without your michelle by your side, and even though you two saw each other practically every weekend, you missed your best friend - so now it's the very beginning of your sophomore year, and michelle's showing you around the school about half an hour before the first bell rings because a, she's your best friend, and b, she gets extra credit for doing it. even though she doesn't need the extra credit, she likes to have it anyway, for those days when she just really needs to skip school to go attend a feminist rally or a pride parade ( i see her as being like 100 % demisexual okay you can fight me on this i'll win ) - she's shown you everything except your locker so far; your classes, the cafeteria, the courtyard, the auditorium. she even shows you the fucking basement. and now your tugging her away from the chemistry lab because you only have ten minutes til class and you need to put all the extra shit you carry around in your backpack into your locker because if you don't you're sure that your back will snap in half - there are way more people in the halls now than when the two of you first got into the school. mj drags you by the sleeve of your oversized sweatshirt, towards what she says is most definitely your locker, when you suddenly stop in your tracks - there, just feet from you, is the most attractive boy you have ever seen - his hair was brown and an unruly tangle of soft curls and yeah, he was probably a little shorter than most boys your age, but did you give a shit ? the answer was no, you did fucking not - and now mj's looking at you with her eyebrow raised, before her intelligent gaze is following yours and her eyes land on peter and she knows. she fucking knows and then she's smirking so wide and she wants to laugh and you can see it out of the corner of your eye but you're too busy staring at the adorable little bean in front of you and - - and then mj's whispering in your ear, "jeez, y/n/n, drool much ?" and you nearly jump out of your skin. you want to be mad, but then she's laughing and you can't be mad at her because she's your best friend and you love her so much so instead you opt for hitting her on the arm and sending her a playful glare - "shut up !" you exclaim in a whisper, not wanting to draw the attention of mr. too cute for school. "he'll hear you !" - mj let out a breathy chuckle, before crossing her arms to stare right into your soul eyes. "so, how are you going to get past him, y/n/n ? we both know how terribly nervous you get when you have to pass people you think are exceptionally hot." - she was right. you couldn't pass by cute individuals without doing something totally embarrassing to save your own damn life. last time you had tried, you ended up in the hospital with four stitches in your lower lip and three in your chin - "i'll do what i usually do nowadays whenever i'm nervous : i'll just start singing a song from deh. i mean, it's not like he would know anything about the musical, right ? so it won't attract his attention." you nod to yourself, patting yourself on the back for coming up with such a good plan - mj opens her mouth to say something, before closing it and letting that smirk settle onto her lips again. god, did you hate that smirk - you held her gaze for a moment, looking at her warily, before turning around and marching straight forward as you began to sing a song from the dear evan hansen soundtrack; unfortunately for you, it was a song that would definitely attract attention. and you were singing it very loudly - "DEAR EVAN HANSEN, LIFE IN REHAB IS ALRIGHT," you sang. you can hear mj failing to stifle her giggles as she trails after you. "I LIKE THE YOGA, AND THE SHARING CIRCLES EVERY NIGHT" - you were passing him now, the terribly handsome boy who was still at his locker. was it just you, or did you see him turn his head in your direction from out of the corner of your eye ? - "BUT DUDE, THESE STORIES -" and that was when you heard another voice join in with yours. you look back at mj, eyebrow raised in a silent question as you continue to sing. she shook her head and points to the right of you, smirking that irritating smirk - it was him; he was the person singing along with you. your jaw drops open for half a second, before you got back to the song - "SO MANY PEOPLE END UP SUCKING DICK FOR METH !" - and your jaw stops functioning completely once jared's creepy ass laugh starts up in your head. you can't believe that he knew the song; but honestly, that just makes you like him even more - he smiles sweetly at you. "sorry if i startled you. but i just heard you singing the reprise and - well, i guess i just couldn't help myself," he apologizes, giving you a sheepish shrug. god you want to marry this adorable dork - wait, what ? - so first off, just to clarify : yes, peter is still spiderman. he is still the ultimate nerd of midtown high, and is still a chemistry whiz. he just also happens to be really into musicals and shakespeare and stuff and is really gay for michael mell and really straight for veronica sawyer. just imagine that the drama club has replaced the academic decathlon team in this au. okay, now back to the headcanons !! - "i'm peter !" he quickly adds, in response to your gaping mouth. and he sticks his hand out and waits for you to shake it, and it takes you a few seconds to process that yes, he is actually introducing himself to you, and you somehow find the strength to close your mouth. both of your hands shoot up to grasp the one he's holding out, and you manage to stammer out a "i - i'm y/n." - he gives you a smile, and it's a tad less sheepish this time. "so, you like dear evan hansen ?" - and this is when you start in on your long-ass rant about how much the musical means to you and how great it is and how you just love connor murphy and jared kleinman and alana beck with all of your nerdy little heart. and you practically completely forget that mj is even there, even though she's standing about a foot behind you two the entire time. and then the bell's ringing, and peter's asking you what your first class is, and you tell him as quickly as you can because you're hoping, just really, really hoping that you have the next class with him so that you have more time to talk about musicals during passing period. and he grins so wide when you tell him that you have ap world history for first period - the two of you head to ap world history together, and by now you've completely forgotten about mj, who watches the two of you leave with a smirk on her face. she only heads toward her own first class when the final bell rings - by the time lunch rolls around, you already know so much about peter. his favorite subject is chemistry, he has a genius level iq, he has an internship at stark industries. and he's in the drama club. he tells you that ned, the nice boy that the two of you are sitting with, is also in the drama club. ned nods along excitedly, and quickly suggests that you join the club, too - before you can say anything in response, however : "would you losers please stop trying to bring my best friend over to the dark side of the nerd moon ?" - if your guess was 'who is mj ?' then you would be correct, my friend. she's trying to look pissed but she's very clearly smirking and you think that this is the first time that you've ever seen mj fail at looking pissed when it's not solely at you - ned looks so startled and it's really funny and sad at the same time. "you have friends ??" - and now mj's actually glaring at him, and you swear that if looks could kill, ned would have dropped dead a second ago. peter looks concerned, and you don't know if it's because mj is glaring daggers at his best friend or because he knows thinks ned's hurt mj's feelings or something - "yes, i have friends, thank you very much," mj finally says, looking away from ned and rolling her eyes. "y/n/n, you aren't going to make me sit with these losers, are you ?" - you just give her an apologetic smile. she grumbles to herself for a moment, before plopping down next to you, across from ned and peter - lunch that day is spent making some pretty bad star wars puns and rapping hamilton songs, and, of course, listening to mj complain about how all of you are losers ( but you caught her smiling once or twice, and you know she enjoyed it ) - it doesn't take you very long to figure out how things work here at midtown; that meaning, you had somehow managed to befriend the two most loserest losers in the entire school ( those two losers being peter and ned, of course ). you've also found out, much to your dismay, that peter has a thing for liz allan, who not only was head of the drama club, but was also the prettiest girl at school. so much for marrying peter getting peter to like you - despite the fact that your crush's crush was head of the club, you still wanted to join; you had heard that they did a musical at the end of every year, and you really wanted to be a part of that - and so you go to beginning-or-year auditions and drag mj along with you, and you audition together, and you both get in. and you're happy, because you, ned, peter, and mj are friends now ( though you're closer with the boys than mj is. she's still pretending she doesn't like them ) and you really don't want anything else in life at the moment ( except for peter to like you instead of liz ) because you're perfectly happy the way things are - but then about a week later, peter starts acting weirder than normal, and then he's quitting the club - and then ned's starts to act odd, too. one day, and you can't help but think that it's something you did, that maybe they don't like you anymore, and despite mj trying to convince you otherwise during your lunch period, you start to really believe it - and then during gym class later that day, you hear ned saying that peter knows spiderman, queens' resident spider-themed superhero, and that gets you thinking that they didn't just start ditching you and mj because they don't like you, it's because they found someone cooler, someone who made them realize that they didn't like you. and that someone was spiderman - you and mj go to liz's party that night. she tells you that it'll be good for you, getting out of the house. says it'll keep your mind from obsessing over your 'unrequited love' for peter and your new-found hatred of spiderman - but it doesn't. it doesn't, because you see peter there, and you can tell that liz likes him, and it just makes you feel worse. and so you run out of liz's house and end up in a little corner of the front yard crying your eyes out, wishing that peter would see in you what he saw in liz - and that's how mj finds you a few hours later, except you're not crying anymore; you're passed out, snoring softly and mumbling peter's name over and over again in your sleep - fast forward a couple more weeks, and peter's joining the drama club again, just in time to for the theatre competition the club's been invited to in washington d.c. - so you hate spidey, right ? i think it'd be really great if you, like, told peter that when the drama club is at the hotel ? like maybe before liz asks peter if he wants to go down to the pool. like you knock on his and ned's door while they're still working on the suit and they have to shove everything under the bed so that you don't see it before letting you in - alternatively, they just don't let you in at all and peter opens the door and quickly steps out side and closes the door before you can see anything inside the room - and you're a little curious about it at first, but you decide to let it go, and you ask him if him and ned are alright ( "yeah, y/n/n, we're fine. you don't have to worry about us." ) and you just kind of stare into his eyes for at least thirty seconds and peter feels like you're staring down into his soul and he feels a little twinge of something but he dismisses it because the only time he's ever felt something like it is when he's with liz and no, he does not like you - and then you ask him something you've been wanting to know the answer to since you heard ned in the gym : "do you really know spiderman ?" - peter's startled, but he gives a hesitant nod, and he doesn't know why because it's not like he wants to impress you or anything, because the two of you are just friends - and then you let out a quite "oh" and his face falls because you sound disappointed and now he's disappointed anD - - "is - is that bad ?" - and you shake your head and shrug and stand there for a second before managing to get out a soft, "i don't really like spiderman. at all." - and now it's peter's turn for his face to fall because that was the last thing he had expected you to say and he wishes you hadn't said it because it makes him feel like you don't like him, and he knows it isn't like that but it is like that at the same time because him and spiderman are the same person. the only thing is that you don't know that - and he suddenly realizes that he really does like you, and he really wants to change your view of his superhero alter-ego because he can't take you disliking him, even if you didn't know it was him - and then spiderman saves you and the rest of the drama club from that elevator, and you can't decide whether you hate him more or less because on the one hand, he did save your lives, but on the other hand, he's probably so full of himself and thinks that he's just so great and you just want to punch him - so then you get back to new york ( you won the theatre competition ) and everything is kind of okay but you can't stop thinking about the conversation that you and peter had that night at the hotel, and how he looked kind of disappointed that you didn't like spiderman. you put it down to the fact that he's disappointed that one of his friends doesn't like the other ( though were the two of you really even still friends ? ) - and then a few nights after you get back, you're heading back towards your apartment complex after just stopping at the store on the way home from michelle's. and it's late but you don't mind because you've been out late in queens before and you actually really like it - and you hear a noise behind you and suddenly you're paranoid and start thinking about how you left your pepper spray at home and you wish you had it now and - - and then something human-shaped, red, and blue drops down from the lamppost above you before your eyes and you drop your groceries and let out a shriek, before the thing in front of you clamps a hand over your mouth. and that's when you realize that the thing in front of you isn't a thing, it's spiderman, and you're suddenly overcome by the urge to kick something ( preferably his head ) - after a few minutes, you hear a soft "are you going to scream ?" come from behind the mask, and you shake your head. spiderman takes his hand off your mouth, and he just stares at you for a minutes, hanging above the ground attached to his web like some kind of actual spider and it's starting to freak you out - "my friend peter parker told me you don't like me," the spider-themed hero said eventually. you can feel the heat rush to your cheeks and you suddenly wanted the ground to swallow you. sure, you didn't like him, but he was a superhero, and he could kill you in a second if he really wanted to. you just gave him a small shrug and looked away - he let out a chuckle. "i bet i can change your mind." - this, of course, piqued your interest, and you looked back up, eyebrows raised. "are you really so full of yourself that you think you can -" - it all happened too fast for you to really register but when you reached the phrase 'full of yourself,' spiderman reached up for his mask, bringing it down over his mouth, and then his nose, and his eyes, until suddenly it was peter parker hanging before you and he swung forward a little bit and then suddenly his lips are on yours and you're kissing and your eyes are wide before you melt into the kiss and reach up to cup his cheeks with your hands - don't you guys just love the wonderful spiderman upside down kisses like reall y my dudE S

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #headcanons #peter x reader #reader insert #reader insert headcanons #peter parker x reader headcanons #theatre nerd!peter #theatre nerd #peter loves theatre #like rlly loves it #theatre nerd peter parter #the reader also loves theatre #theatre nerd peter parker x reader

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snapsnapmyturtleback-blog · 7 years ago

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Headcannons for the Group Therapy fic thing cuz it was requested like twice that I continue this so. I might do a fic later, no promises.

This also includes stuff already mentioned in the fic ‘Group Therapy’ which I wrote :D

I know someone else made some headcannons that i kind of base some of these on ? but i read a lot of headcannons so i dont exactly know which are based and what theyre based on. Sorry.

-Eddie has social anxiety and is a huge germaphobe

-He and Stan bond over cleaning things and how neat things should be.

-Eddie is very nurturing and will disregard his germaphobia if it means he can comfort someone

-also very badass ??? Eddie will use all of his first aid kit for his friends and he’ll punch people in the face if they mess with them

-Eddie is the only one that Stan will touch him bc Stan knows that this kid washes his hands more than Richie makes crude jokes and he basically bathes in hand sanitizer so he’s the cleanest

-Eddie is so good at handling emotional episodes and panic attacks that the others go through ?

-Like he’s internally freaking tf out but in the outside he’s so cool and collected that it’s hard to feel threatened around him

-has like friend crushes on everyone ? Like he only wants to date Richie but he loves he others so much that he hates being apart from them

-Stan has OCD and is obsessed with the number three.

-He prefers Stan over Stanley because Stan Uris is three syllables.

-Everything in his room is sorted in three; pants, shorts, and underwear. Polos, button ups, and t shirts. Etc.

-Everything he does is in sets of three and he’s constantly bullied bc of the panic attacks he’ll get during class or when he helps the teacher clean up and ends up sort everything in the classroom into threes.

-Stan’s dad took him birdwatching in an attempt to get Stan out of the house but at the same time keep him in a calm environment and he loved it so much so now they regularly go birdwatching for exactly three hours

-Stan goes to school two hours early so he can arrive at six and he is allowed to leave three minutes before everyone else so he doesn’t have to come in contact with people

-for the first week of school, they forced Stan to try and be like everyone else and it didn’t work ??

-like he doesn’t know what they expected but he couldn’t do anything bc if he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was compulsively tapping his desk or the wall in threes in an attempt to calm himself down

-Stan wakes up at five thirty am every morning

-he goes to bed at nine pm

-it’s like fucking clockwork and if he’s even a minute off, he’ll be hella upset and no one wants to see Stan upset

-Mike has insomnia and stays awake for days on end.

-He survives purely on coffee from the coffee shop located down the street from the school where the rest of the losers go to

-he’s really good at hiding the bags under his eyes by keeping his head tilted forward so the bags look like shadows and no one looks close enough to tell the difference.

-if it gets bad, he uses make up to cover up the bags under his eyes

-he loves talking to people so much ? Especially kids his age bc he isn’t really exposed to anything back at the farm

-he was actually the only one who was really excited to do the group activity

-Bev and Richie were okay with it bc they knew they’d see each other but Mike was excited !!

-new people to meet and talk to ??? Hell yes !

-he and Ben hang out pretty regularly at the library to find history books and discuss them

-they’ve gotten into some pretty awesome debates that would end abruptly bc they’d get really heated and the two boys would start laughing bc they can’t take each other seriously

-Mike likes to draw and he does it mostly when he can’t sleep

-One time Richie had spilled some water on a picture that Mike was drawing and Mike didn’t talk to Richie for a week and a half

-Ben had to convince him that Richie didn’t mean it and that Richie was probably sorry

-of course Eddie made Richie apologize

-it wasn’t very sincere bc Richie + an apology is just a mess

-but Mike accepted it and forgave him nonetheless

-Bill has mild depression and can see and hear a clown (Pennywise) talk about his brother

-no one else can see this thing so Bill feels like he’s tripping balls 90% of the time

-he can see Georgie too which is why he’s so adamant about finding him alive bc he can’t be seeing Georgie’s dead ghost ?? That’s not allowed ??

-Bills stutter had gotten so much worse after Georgie’s disappearance and at this point he just doesn’t talk in public

-Bev steals money from her father for cigs and weed that she buys from Richie because he charges her a lot less then most of the dealers she’s encountered

-she has like three outfits that she wears but that’s it. Don’t even try to buy her clothes bc she just won’t accept it.

-she smokes her sadness and fear away. That’s how she copes and it’s really not a good habit but she doesn’t really care

-Beverly and Richie smoke up on the rooftops during gym class and sometimes whenever Richie needs a break during whatever class bc the boy gets very overwhelmed very easily ??

-Bev is the only person who can tell when he’s getting overwhelmed and since they had every class except for Spanish and geography, she’ll always pull him aside and go for a smoke whenever he looks tense.

-Beverly is such a fucking babe ? Like she does literally nothing and she’s so pretty ? But she hates compliments with a passion.

-only Richie can compliment her without getting slapped

-I’m living for the Bev and Richie friendship tbh they’re like siblings and will die for each other.

-one time Henry Bowers was hitting on Bev and wouldn’t leave her alone and Richie fucking decked him

-Richie left with a black eye, busted lip, some cuts, and some burn marks (curtsy to Patrick) but it was fucking worth it

-Bev is like 10/10 great at making deals. Patrick and her are actually acquaintances bc Bev gives him new lighters when his run out of fuel from terrorizing people and his weed goes missing all the time so she give him some of hers so he’ll leave her alone

-Ben is so fucking soft ?? I love him so much

-he is literally the embodiment of a book, flower, and warm aesthetic

-Ben cares about people so much ? Like he will fuss about his friends eating but then he will forget (or sometimes purposely) to eat

-he’ll be so into writing poetry for someone cough Bev cough that he’ll just not do his homework or remind himself to stay hydrated

-but what’s weird is that when he reads, he’ll be brought back down. Like the self image problems and the forgetfulness temporarily go away

-he’ll be reading a history book that he borrowed from Mike and suddenly he’ll remember that he hadn’t eaten all day and he’ll ask his mom for something to snack on as he reads

-or maybe he’ll be reading a book for school and then he’ll think “shit when was the last time I had some water ?”

-And he spends most of his free time in the library reading or writing so he knows the librarian personally and uses her first name

-he even has his own little place to go with a mini fridge so he has something to eat whenever it hits him that he needs to do shit to s u r v i v e

-Richie doesn’t even want to go to therapy but it’s helping him so he just deals with it

-Eddie and Bev being there is also a plus

-Richie is broke asf so he basically makes Bev pay for his sessions in exchange for weed

-He steals the weed from Patrick and whenever the school decides to have drug dogs come, he just slips that shit right back into Patrick’s locker

-Richie really likes Eddie ?? And he sees Stan as like a little brother that’s easy to annoy

-he’s indifferent towards Ben and Mike bc like he doesn’t interact with them very much but when he does, they’re okay

-Bill is a fifty fifty. Sometimes Richie respects him bc the dudes brother is dead and here he is getting help that’s pretty fucking cool but other times it’s like shit does this kid ever take less then ten minutes to say something ?? And who tf does he think he is telling Richie what he can and cannot say

-Richie has little to no sexual experience so everything he jokes about is purely based off of what he’s read online

-the little experience that Richie does have is making out with Bev while they’re high

-Richie is always the second to arrive (Stans first, he arrives three hours early) and he’s always the last to leave with Eddie.

-he does the same with school, even if he does skip a lot

-he’s really fucking smart tho so skipping class never fucks with his grades

-he tries to stay out for as long as possible bc the boy doesn’t like staying home alone or with his drunk mom

-he has some anger issues

-he and Bev have a thing where every night they go out and break shit

-he really cares about these idiots in his group therapy

-like he could get extremely annoyed with them sometimes but he will fight for them

-Stan was once trapped in a locker by the Bowers gang and Richie was the one who found him

-Stan was freaking out bc he was in an unsanitary locker and he was supposed to have left two hours ago

-Richie calmed him down and took him home

-now Stan allows both Richie and Eddie to touch him

-Stan is basically Reddie’s son at this point

-Richie steals everyone’s clothes all the time and he just walks into they’re house, except for Bev.

-Knocking is not a concept to this kid and it pisses everyone off

-Richie once walked in on Bev and Ben making out in Bens room. He simply smiled and said “wow the new kids on the block poster must be a real turn on for this sex fest, eh ?” and left

-Richie now has a burn mark on his collarbone from Bevs cigarette

-Richie has to take like three different medications and when they were trying to figure out the dosage, it was a rough couple of weeks

-basically these kids are all fucking messed but we love them anyways

#therapy group fic #tylers au #headcannons #reddie #benverly #but just a little bit #i love my children #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #stan uris #ocd!stan #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #bill denbrough #the losers club #it 2017

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star-shuttle-scout · 7 years ago

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Jonathan Byers: AKA My Underrated Son Jonathan Byers, according to the script, is a sixteen year old boy. The eldest son of Joyce and Lonnie Byers, big brother to twelve year old Will Byers. Let’s talk about how this family dynamic works from the perspective of season 1. Lonnie and Joyce have divorced apparently, and while the show makes it unclear whether Lonnie left or Joyce kicked him out I do believe that it’s been said in the original manuscript that Lonnie left four years prior to the story. So let’s go back.

Four years. Jonathan would be twelve, Will would be eight. The year would be around 1978, it wasn’t impossible for women to live on their own or have their own job although careers were a little limited. We note that currently, Joyce works in a super market of sorts. The idea of working at a market and being able to keep up with herself and two boys is beyond baffling, but perhaps she has another job. However, she talks about taking off of work and only ever mentions the market as her place of employment. We also glimpse into the fact that Lonnie never quite tried to maintain a relationship with his boys. Will tried to earn the affections of his father, but according to Joyce he also berated Will and called him ‘queer’ and a ‘fag’. Now, if he was treating a little kid like that then... Let’s think about what he might have done to Jonathan. When Jonathan goes into the city to look for Will at Lonnie’s house, which he shares with his current girlfriend Cynthia, he has an interesting interaction with his father. He storms his way into the premises, searching for his brother. Lonnie’s first appearance is slamming into his son. Now, you might assume that hey, Jonathan could have been some intruder and Lonnie thought it was some guy breaking in. But Jonathan was calling quite loudly for his brother, so how didn’t he recognize his son’s voice? Drawing from that it’s quite plausible he just decided to physically assault his eldest for the fun of it. Not to mention, once he’s grabbed him and pushed him against the wall. He just sort of stands there, hands clutched in his jacket and smiling like some jackass. Jonathan pushes him away, demands that his father “Get off”. Lonnie steps back and smiles again. He says, and I quote “Damn, you’ve gotten stronger.” Now wait a second, what the fuck does that even mean? What sort of person would say that? It’s not “Damn, you got big” which would be plausible considering it’s obvious that Jonathan really doesn’t see his father very often and maybe he hasn’t seen him in a while. But stronger is the word he uses, insinuating that both himself and Jonathan have been physical with one another at some. This right here is proof enough of physical abuse, whether it be fights between the both of them or maybe something Jonathan started in lieu of Lonnie’s past actions. It could be a downright reference to Lonnie beating the shit out of Jonathan and the little boy trying to defend himself. The honest truth is, Lonnie has thrown hands with his son before, his son he hasn’t seen in a while... His son that... He hasn’t seen very much since he was twelve... See where I’m going? Anyways, so we have that going on. We can also put Jonathan’s personality and attitude in the spotlight and dissect it. If you’ll notice, he’s very standoffish and to be honest a little rude at times. Let’s list all of his interactions besides his father, he talks with Joyce, Hopper, Will, Nancy, and Steve. Those are the main ones at least. He seems often angry, whether it be with his situation or at other people for not doing things he likes. Whether it be for his mother for losing her marbles when Will goes missing, to the way Nancy acts with Steve. He’s very selfish at first glance, but to be honest I see him as more frustrated that he doesn’t understand people. Of course, that’s not an excuse for his behavior, it’s just an explanation. He doesn’t understand socializing, doesn’t understand teens, kids his age. We can assume from his interactions at school that he has no friends, when Will goes missing Tommy and Steve’s group makes fun of him. They don’t depict him as a loser or a poor kid, they say things like ‘I bet he killed him’ insinuating that they see Jonathan as creepy and strange rather than just weird and underneath them. They seem unnerved by Jonathan, he probably has at one point or another had to interact with some people at school. And they all find him more scary than anything else, which doesn’t mean that people started off excluding him. His personality seems fine, although a little cynical, he seems like an okay guy. He interacts with Will just fine, his mother as well. But when it comes to Nancy, he seems hesitant to interact, social anxiety most likely or perhaps a grudge against kids his age for picking at him in the past. When he’s confronted by Steve, he doesn’t want to interact. He goes to follow Nancy, until Steve starts pressing buttons he shouldn’t. If there’s one thing Jonathan can’t stand, it’s his family being torn into. He can take any dig, any brutal comment about how he’s always took Jonathan for a ‘queer’. A repeated word. Queer. Now if some of the kids at school think that, and Joyce mentioned that Lonnie dug that into Will... It can be assumed that Jonathan too was branded a queer and a fag by Lonnie, having mentioned at one point that his father thought going hunting might make him ‘more of a man’. More of a man... More of a man than a queer might be, in Lonnie’s eyes. Jonathan snaps when Steve goes too far and in a fit of rage, he beats the shit out of Steve. Of course, pretty much anyone would, the kid was itching for a fight in the first place. But Jonathan goes past that, he doesn’t just want Steve to regret his words, he wants Steve to hurt. He wants Steve in pain because of all the pain he’s endured, whether from Steve himself or most likely Tommy and whatever other kid that’s picked on him. Most of all he wants everyone to know that nobody can get away with ranking on his family without getting absolutely pulverized. Even with the sirens, the cops, Tommy even pulls him back and says “He’s had enough” but Jonathan pushes them all away and continues. He’s not just releasing anger, he’s probably never been in a fight in his life, he’s releasing every pent up emotion he’s been having to deal with since Will went missing. Frustration, fear, sadness, grief. He even knocks a cop in the face (I have some more thoughts on this scene, but that’s for another post). Now let’s go back. The funeral. Everyone knows that Joyce isn’t going crazy or making it up from the viewer’s perspective. But let’s look at what everyone else sees. This woman, after her youngest goes missing, starts freaking out and talking to lights and going on rants.

They find Will’s so-called ‘body’ and she denies that it’s him. Let’s look at Jonathan’s perspective. Where he has to watch his mother in his eyes, slowly lose her mind. Sure, she’s worried and afraid, freaked out and scared for her youngest. But let’s be real, what about Jonathan? He might be sixteen, but Jonathan has absolutely no friends in the world and it seemed a lot like Will was his best friend. I love Joyce, don’t get me wrong, but that was fucked up on her part. The only people that really showed him any kindness during that point was Hopper and Nancy. Neither of which really fucking knew him at all!!! Jonathan Byers supposedly lost his baby brother then had to subsequently plan his funeral and deal with the death all by himself. We had that scene of him laying in bed and crying, not just a few tears, struggling not to completely break down into nothing. I know that cry, late at night when you don’t want anyone to hear you for fear of seeming weak. He’s trying to keep it together, trying to make everyone think he’s got it all handled when in reality he really doesn’t. Eventually, it comes down to the monster. Jonathan and Nancy come together to deal with the monster, for Nancy she wants revenge, but for Jonathan.. He’s just trying to help his mom get his brother home, risking his life for his family... And then Steve shows up to apologize. They tell him to leave and he won’t, of course he wants an explanation as to why the fuck Jonathan has a bat covered in nails and the place smells like gasoline. But notice that Jonathan could have just ran where they were supposed to and left Steve for dead. I mean, I know it’s kind of a cruel concept. But think of anybody you’ve really hated, like... Someone who’s bullied you, made you feel like shit, someone you know is just the epitome of an asshole... Would you go out of your way to help them? I sure as hell wouldn’t and I kind of have to tip my hat to Jonathan for doing so. He doesn’t just say “Come on!” He grabs Steve by the hand and yanks him away, he throws himself into protector mode. He doesn’t want anyone to get hurt, not even Steve. I dunno, this is a bit of a mess but honestly... Like... Jonathan Byers, man... Y’all act like he’s some emo edgelord... And I mean he is, but he’s got more than a few redeeming qualities as well. If I go anymore on this one I’ll just be rambling but c’mon y’all... Jonathan Byers. I’ll probably do some stuff on Steve after I learn more about him, because that boy is a Quality Boy. A good ol’ chap he is... Anyways, so yeah, Protect Jonathan Byers. Jonathan Byers Defense Squad, peace out.

#stranger things #jonathan byers #this is a super long post #but y'all asked

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raining-v-coffee · 8 years ago

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Naruto time travel fic recs

~ My notes * Multichapter

Just the Usual Habits

Sakumo has no idea where all of these habits of Kakashi's are coming from. In which five-year-old Kakashi forgets the existence of his left eye, loses his ability to lie believably, and is a little too knowledgeable about the Birds and Bees. Still, no matter what oddities went on in Kakashi's head, one thing is certain – the boy will always love his father, through thick and thin.

Rebirth

Kakashi dies. He wakes up to a second chance.

shut up & dance

sakura just wants to eat in peace, unfortunately the founders won't let her.

Hardest of hearts *

Orochimaru gets one more chance. Just maybe, it will be enough to save him—and the entire world as well.

Do Over

Naruto and Kurama accidentally end up in the past, on the day of Naruto's birth, and are forced to live their lives all over again. They make the best of it, to everyone else's extreme confusion. (Alive Minato and Kushina, humor.)

It's For A Good Cause, I Swear!

After receiving a time travel jutsu as payment for a mission, the original four members of Team 7 each get a chance to go back to one event in their life and change it. Surely they will use such an awesome power responsibly...right? Don't count on it.

~ Crack, utterly perfect crack.

ghosts in her heart

She had no idea what compelled her to do it, but she poked his forehead with her index and middle fingers.

"Do not be foolish, otouto."

(Sakura is the reincarnation of a future that she cannot let happen.)

let life lightly dance on the edges of time

Time-travel fics written as a birthday present for their twin brother.

The life and times of Hatake Kakashi, the long-suffering jōnin-sensei

Kakashi is being trolled. He doesn’t know how that can be, but he knows with utmost certainty that he’s being trolled somehow.

Kakashi gets saddled with the cheekiest little brats ever and wonders if it's too late to become a missing nin.

It's a Mad, Mad World

Kakashi was a weary ninja who'd had this dream (nightmare) too many times before. And until the pain of the kunai stabbed in his arm kicked in, he'd never even considered the possibility it was real this time. Time-travel? One-shot.

How To Raise Your Ninja Child

Kakashi is six years old again, sent to the past. After his father dies, Minato acts as his caretaker, and chaos ensues: well-meaning chaos, but poor Minato doesn't know what to do.

How To Save The World With No One Even Realizing *

Minato knows at the beginning of the week that it's going to be a hellish one. Mostly because it starts with the kidnapping of one of his two remaining students, only a year after they'd lost the first one. He just doesn't realize at the time that it's not going to be a hellish week - it's going to be hell for quite a bit longer than that.

It all starts with Rin's kidnapping, and her subsequent rescue at the hands of a mysteriously appearing, monstrously strong, murderously violent woman.

A woman with cotton candy pink hair.

It only devolves from there.

hands like houses *

Sakura finds herself trapped in the past and discovers a new family along the way, however unwilling she may be.

How Long is Forever? WIP

Time Travel AU. Sakura has come back to do good deeds and fix some shit. Not posted in chronological order.

Tempest WIP

Back in time and armed with years of future knowledge, Sakura is ready to take the world by storm. Except... she's four again, not twelve. Ah well, nobody said she couldn't start a little early. Gen, time travel, AU, Sakuracentric.

Jagged Pieces WIP

On his way back from a mission, Minato gets ambushed and suffers injuries before being rescued by a mysterious blond. Meanwhile, Naruto gets blasted into the past and tries to save the day (and subsequently, the world), not understanding why Minato seems so taken with her.

(Or in which a pregnant Naruto is a victim of time travel, and Minato just wanna be her baby's daddy.)

now, for the second act WIP

After his death at Pein's hands, Kakashi finally makes his peace with his father. But when he opens his eyes, it's not to the the ruins of his village. Instead, he's thirteen again, armed with all the knowledge he has of the future and the skill set of a thirty year old ex-ANBU Commander. He's ready to save his precious people.

Except, he's not the only one to make it back.

[Team Minato wakes up in the past after their deaths, a week before the mission to Kannabi Bridge. Yes, all of them.]

Steps We Take WIP

After being hit by an unknown technique, Sakura's in the past - or rather, an alternate universe that's running slightly behind schedule, judging by her continued existence. Thing is, she's totally satisfied with her happy ending. All she wants is to find her fellow time traveler (and master of dimensional-warping jutsu) and get back home.

...Still, it wouldn't hurt to push a few people in the right direction (or totally mess with them, that's cool too.)

[Formerly 'been loop the looping']

Reflection WIP

His nose itches with the long dead scents of incense, saltwater, and spice but he doesn’t look back until -

A choked, “Kakashi?”

He closes his uncovered eye, takes a deep breath, and turns.

Three ghosts stare back.

In this world, Team Minato returns as heroes.

(This time, there was no disgraced Hatake runt carrying the most prized doujutsu of the famed Uchiha clan, no questions of theft or accusations of treason, no doubts of Minato’s abilities as a teacher let alone Hokage, no back-stabbing comrade killers-

-no Kakashi.)

An Inch of Gold WIP

Team 7 is sent on a mission to investigate a disturbance outside of the village, where they encounter an unconscious girl in a crater. The mysterious Sarada insists she's a shinobi from the Hidden Leaf trying to rescue her teammates, but something about her is suspicious. When the team discovers she possesses a Sharingan, things become even more unbelievable.

Ten Years Gone Mature *

Kakashi goes back in time.

Force of Nature Mature

He had died- honorably, he'd like to think, despite living as a villain and an assassin for over half a century- and that, as far as Xanxus had ever figured, would be the end of that. No heaven. No hell. Just life when you were breathing and nothingness when you stopped.

Except that it didn't, quite, turn out that way. Except he came back as the son of the kindest, sometimes saddest father in the world. In both worlds. A father that he knew, without a doubt, to be his flesh and blood. All at once, Xanxus had everything he'd wanted as a child. A home. A family. Stability. And he was going to fight like hell and beat down anyone who tried to take it from him, no matter what his age.

(In which Sakumo raises a son who speaks multiple languages from birth, all of them gibberish to the poor single father jounin, spits vulgarity with the same ease as he does his praise and burns with an unshakable determination to build himself a family that will not fall, no matter who or what is thrown against it.)

Second Wind Mature

Waking up alone in a deep forest made her believe she had died. Naruto had done a lot of crazy things in her short life, like challenging the Kyūbi and fought against the powers of a God. But this just might be the most incomprehensible thing she'd ever managed. What do you do when being unwillingly thrown back in time?

Wasting Time WIP Mature

Sakura was not the type of person to linger over her own demise, but sitting at a dinner table with Itachi and Sasuke as her flesh and blood cousins she realises that perhaps her death should have been more thought out. Well, being an Uchiha instead of a Haruno couldn't be that bad, right?

AU Time-Travel fic in which Sakura is totally screwed over.

(Though isn't she always?)

Tampering with Time WIP Mature

When Kyuubi was extracted from Uzumaki Naruto, it was the Nidaime Hokage that came up with an unconventional solution. An experimental reincarnation jutsu on Namikaze Minato and a one-way trip, with his Kurama, to the past.

Deathless WIP Mature

Mortality is for losers. So is time as a linear concept.

In other words, the entire planet is dead, Sakura is over five hundred years old, and she's bored as fuck.

Time-travel is clearly the only option.

Hush WIP Mature

He really hated hospitals. The novelty of being in one again disappeared as quickly as it came when Tsunade forced a cup full of pills down his throat.

Being stranded in another world really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Especially when people start dying and Naruto is at a complete loss of what to do.

After the Rain WIP Mature

Never had Naruto predicted she'd end up in the past. Not even the one who caused her to go back had anticipated she'd be dragged along for the ride. The kyūbi had been trying to save himself, not her. She'd once said that the hero always arrive late, this was quite the opposite. Naruto would be very, very early this time.

To my Masterpost of Naruto Fic recs <3

I also have rec lists for Harry Potter and Doctor who.

#Naruto #fic recs #time travel #none of these wonderful fics belong to me

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