#HERE YOU FUCKING GO ALIENS.
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I watched Starship Troopers tonight.
#personal#dumb#my art#immediately after finishing i was pumped to watch some analysis vids on it#cuz i heard a lot of the drama about the original author being a pro military fascist and the director going “fuck that” and making a satir#scrolling through youtube search results was not promising. lots of male film buffs i would Not trust even on a first glance.#“The Critical Drinker” (pfp of a bearded man drinking alcohol) lol.#and then I saw cinemawins did a video on it and was like oh nice i haven't seen his stuff in a while but he's a pretty leftist creator#scrolled through the comments#second panel face#this sucks i'm outta here.#just leagues and leagues and leagues of anime pfps and right leaning people dogpiling on him for “not understanding what fascism is”#idk it's pretty alien and weird to me watching this movie and going “wow yeah that was pretty obvious huh” like literally the from opening#to the teacher preaching militance and only giving voting rights to “those who serve their nation first and earn it”#and then seeing droves of people online going#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? It's not anti-fascist and even if it was it's#the director's fault for desecrating heinlein's incredible sci-fi epic vision. ermm media literacy is dead.
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[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#JUST NOTICED A MILLION MISTAKES FUUUUUUUUCK BUT WWHATEVERRRRR IF I STARE AT THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA HHUURRRLLL#SO I REALLY LIKE FISH AND CHIPS RIGHT. IVE BEEN IN LOVE W THE SHIP EVER SINCE THAT NAT 20 KISS#BUT I THINK I SHIP IT WRONG. OR LIKE. I AM CORRECT BUT EVERYONE SHIPS THEM DIFFERENTLY#THE FISH N CHIPS I SEE EVERYWHERE ELSE IS SO FLOWERY AND SWEET AND ROMANTIC. AND THATS NICE! THAT STUFFS NEAT#but gillion and chip would NEVERRRR enter anything similar to a romantic relationship. chips too damaged and gillions too uninterested#I LIKE MY FISH N CHIPS ONE SIDED AS FUCK#bc 2 gillion chip is his best friend in the whole wide world but hes also kinduvagross little man that took him a MINUTE to really warm up2#but to CHIP gillion is this powerful and gorgeous and heroic paragon of destiny and his best friend in the whole world who will#bring about the eschaton. 'i didnt believe in destiny until i met you' until i met a champion radiating with a light thatll alter the world#OHH REMEMBER THE FIRST ICE ARENA?he was so mad.still probably shaking from the ordeal.NEVER had he felt true divine radiance CLEAVE through#his SOUL like that.do you remember that moment in the forest w the bugs. an alien from the ocean; lacerating the land w lightning#when the realization flickered in chip for a moment.that the thing standing before him was more powerful than he could ever fathom#remember when grizz mentioned that the nat20 kiss was the 'best kiss chip ever experienced'. that has nothing to do w this. where was i.#LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT. BUT HEY. I THINK at the beginning chip absolutely knew that gill was smth grand n powerful n scary#when gillion revealed what exactly the prophecy was;chip got defensive and mad.sure he was sleep deprived but OOH. HES SCARED!#he believes gillion too! he believes that his destiny is to eradicate either the sea or land and that scares him!#but then he gets past it bc ultimately he trusts his bestfriend gillion so so much. he fuckin loves this dude.#he would throw himself intothe path of fire for this dude. he would boat across the ocean for this dude.he would build arenas for this dude#even if this dude will end half the world.even if this dude wields the power and the obligation to eradicate him at any second.#even if this dude is going to throw himself into harms way for his own comrades.even if this dude is just going to sacrifice himself.#one way or another one shall die for the other.these self-sacrificial bastards click so well with eachother!!#chip believes his body is best used to pave roads and gill believes his body is destined to pave prosperity.WHATEVER!!#i really love their dynamic!! they care for eachother so much!in MY heart tho. the icing on the cake here is the fantasy that chip is#just a bit more In Love w gillion than he realizes. like this powerful fish guy is HOT and PRETTY and KIND and FUNNY and LOYAL and STRONG#but gillion would never rly feel that same sort of attraction towards chip. its just not rly his thing. aroace as fuck man.#thats how it is in MY little heart atleast. and i sit here and play w my touys in my brain n i explore my silly lil one sided fish y chips.
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I need everyone to know that speedsters are allergic to nanobots.
No, seriously. They're allergic to nanobots.
Speedsters have absolutely insane metabolisms, which means that they have an absolutely insane immune system. They don't get sick. Ever. Their immune system works at warp speed and takes out germs the second they enter their body. Call germs 'the Rogues' because they're getting tackled by super speedy blurs before they can even think about causing issues.
Okay, so they have a great immune system and don't get sick ever. What does this have to do with nanobots?
Great question! When nanobots are injected into a speedster's body their immune system sees them as a threat. Only problem? It doesn't matter how fast or efficient their immune system is, their body can't destroy a bunch of tiny metal robots.
Because their bodies can't fight off the nanobots they start to display typical cold/flu symptoms instead. Vomiting, fever, runny nose, coughing, being tired, ect. The nanobots aren't causing this reaction. Their own immune system causes this reaction. The fever is the bodies attempt to kill off the 'germs'. The vomiting, runny nose and coughing is the body's attempt to expel the 'germs'. They feel tired because their body is putting everything into fighting off the 'infection'.
In a normal person the nanobots wouldn't even be an issue because they'd be able to avoid detection. They can't avoid detection in a speedster body because their immune systems are dialled up to 500 out of 10.
As a result you get instances like this:
(Inertia had injected Bart with nanobots and Bart had a reaction)
Just an FYI for people because this is extremely fun and versatile information. Especially because none of the speedsters are really aware of this and it doesn't kick in right away. I could totally see a situation where a mission requires nanobot injections and mid mission the speedster goes down out of nowhere. It's also great if you want to do a stereotypical sick fic or something and want to get around that pesky speedster immunity.
Anyway, it's fun information so I thought I'd share
#anyone watch that episode of TT where all the titans are injected with nanobots that'll kill them if robin doesn't work with slade?#and everyone is all 'WHY HAS ROBIN BETRAYED US?!?'#anyway im just saying that if Wally was there he would be on the ground delirious and vomiting#which#i don't know if it makes the situation better because the team would be looking into why hes sick#or if it makes it worse because wallys out of commission#but its 10/10 either way#i just want a yj mission where tims like 'hey we are going to space so here are gps nanobots'#and then like three hours later Bart is burning up delirious and vomiting#and tim (who knows that speedsters ONLY show symptoms of sickness if they have the plague or have been poisoned or something) FREAKS OUT#throws him into quarantine. stops the mission. gets an emergency surgery room ready. has doctors on the line.#Kon goes into quarantine with him cause hes 'AN ALIEN AND CAN'T GET SICK FUCK YOU TIM'#meanwhile hes like#completely fine#he just has flu symptoms#dc#dc comics#the flash#impulse#kid flash#wally west#bart allen#barry allen#speedsters
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#poipole#this doesn't look like a pokémon at all. this looks like some alien from a kids' cartoon that's like. trynna take over the world or smth#once again i know NOTHING about this thing and constantly forget that it exists. fake pokémon fan etc etc#side note: if anyone is looking for a super awesome and talented voice actress to voice in your things… well… heh… me#or if you know anyone who happens to need a voice actress. i would love to Have a job and you all have heard my voice. i can voice good#promise. i'm famous too i have 4500 followers on this blog#genuinely i need a fucking job. help. hire me to voice in your shit i'm begging#i'd been suggested to look for voice acting positions by someone else and i figured this would be the easiest place to go#of all places. just. because there's a lot of you here#so!
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i think about this part often maybe a bit too much
#i mean its just till getting choked#but 𝓮𝓻𝓸𝓽𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂#you catch my drift?#also the way ivan is just like hard staring through him bro is higher than the clouds#it looked like he was playing kahoot in his brain deciding what to do next after realizing the face sucking wasnt doing anything but he had#taken this kahoot quiz b4 so he just went for the green option instantly#(thought really hard about this for like 2 seconds or in this case had used all the other options)#like he was just fucking around no clear plan#and just Till's general expression of 🫨#he looked like he saw jesus for a second also his eye bags are more apparent#and now im just noticing the skin folds around the neck#so im afraid ivan did actually go for the juggler and genuinely tried strangling till#with intent to kill or not im unsure#im getting tears on my screen let me stop here#alien stage#alnst till#alnst ivan#alien stage till#alnst#alien stage ivan#ivantill
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nobody fucking touch me rn i went to see tf one in the cinema and im shaking. they actually made a good transformers movie. what the fuck
#time to go home and read the entirety of jro's mtmte and lost light again ig#what the FUCK i was not expecting it to be actually fucking stunning. that's MY loser dumpster fire of a children's toy franchise how did t#ey actually make it . good#really good#five out of five stars. when elita said “you dont have the touch or the power” i fucking choked#obviously it is only going to mire the canon more because of the changes to megatron's backstory (no gladiators 😔) & lack of allspark plot#but i dont even fucking care. dont even touch me rn i cant ever get over this#broken friendships & corruption arcs are THE SHIT and they did this one better than i was expecting#when pax fell like a falling star... primus itself opened to him...#ratchet cameo! arcee cameo! jazz cameo! not to mention ALPHA TRION#i can see the war in this . i can see this . millions of years in the future they will still b fighting. orion mightve been a “pacifist” by#megatron's standards but he knows how to fight. he fights more than he should. and bee.... bee... THATS MY FUCKING NAMESAKE GUYS DONT EVEN#TOUCH ME RN. IM SHAKING. HOLY SHIT#bumblebee you are SUCH a dork. what the FUCK.#and the quintessons!!!!! i am LIVING for the art direction and the organic/inorganic imagery#those quintesson energon-hoover things reminded me of energon eaters too. & in that first shot of them entering the cave w the primes i#originally thought scraplets before i came back to myself. there's something to be said here tho.#they did a good job with the worldbuilding. suitably alien-like. exceeded expectations. that ginormous quintesson ship? i'm going insane#you can SEE the birth of the myth in this stupid fucking movie you can SEE how op becomes who he becomes. the way he grew. the way they bot#grew until they were the only person that could hold the other back . the way he is going to be irreversibly changed. d16's eyes...#that scene w starscream has a chokehold on me. i cant breathe. the way they all looked at megatron when his blaster emerged#the fight scenes#ELITA ONE !!!#AIRACHNID !!!!#honest to god though i must confess that the first coherent thought i had about this movie was “oh they made him so cunty” . abt pax. i#am so sorry#but okay okay okay i . they were amica endura at the beginning. at the least. i'm. AKHRERJGH#tf one#me when megatron ascended out of iacon & he was the only land vehicle amid a swarm of planes. me when the SYMBOLISM#🐝
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Okay okay okay this is 100% my fav episode of the season so far that was so much fun oh my god I’m bouncing off the walls rn what a BOP
#dw spoilers#doctor who spoilers#rogue spoilers#look I know people are gonna go off like it’s not as deep as the others so far#but honestly I like that about it#they’ve been experiencing The Horrors since Boom#let them have a win#and YES I’m calling it a win bc obv the doctor is gonna get Rogue back eventually#(let them have a win let me have a delusion shut up)#but come ON#‘tap twice for battle mode’#shape shifting aliens that for no reason vaguely resemble an earth animal#the dancing#the DRAMA#the ROMANCE#fifteen being the smoothest motherfucker to ever walk the earth#like damn Doctor started from the bottom now you’re here with the romance skillz#David Tennant:)#rogue instantly going from Cool Bounty Hunter to fuckin NERD#my absolute PANIC when Ruby#Ruby calling the Doctor the FUCK out for avoiding his emotions#‘bitch no you need a hug you’re getting a hug’#the setup for a new storyline trying to find Rogue#satisfying ending that doesn’t make me rage at the world#while I’m still raging from the previous several#THE TEASER FOR NEXT WEEK#AHHHHHHHHH#I’m VIBRATING I loved that ep#and OH some of these are gonna be UNPOPULAR opinions#but oh well
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that gender post from last night has me thinking i wish other cis people knew how entirely bog standard and common it is to have zero innate sense or connection to gender - i'd go as far as to say that it's how the majority of cis people feel! it's a sense of being given one of two labels and simply having no innate notion to the contrary, but also, having no real innate sense that you ARE that. you're just that thang by default bc everyone calls you that and it's convenient and it's comfortable and the concept of gender is simply not interesting enough to spend time on
#you're not broken! it's normal!! and if you go down the agender route with it that's fine as well. we all process stuff differently#we are all a sum of our experiences and we each have a reason for why we are the way we are#the only thing that makes me a woman is that i am seen as one bc of my body parts. and that's fine. i don't care really#well. and the fact that i know i would NOT be a good looking man lmfao#i think being on tumblr (the gender site) for so long did leave me with a sense of alienation*#because on here gender seems to form a large part of many people's identities. and people really do care about it and talk about it a lot#and have a SENSE of it. which is cool for you guys.#but i just Cannot conceive the idea of 'feeling' like a woman or a man or anything else. and i just don't find gender interesting enough#but i'm no less a cis woman. i rly think this is how a vast number of cis people are. can't blame agender ppl for opting out entirely thoug#*but of course the sense of alienation /i/ feel as a cis person here is fuck all compared to the alienation trans people feel in cis societ#how the turn tables some might say
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hold on, hold on im losing my mind a little over that information. you’re saying ivan is basically the scumbag gong in chinese novels who dates people bc he’s bored and spends a majority of his time just thinking about his white moonlight till lmaoo
I mean, I'm not sure if scumbag gong is the right term (absolutely hilarious though) but Ivan was definitely one hell of a guy. Q and V call him prince charming for a reason (Mizi does too). Them specifically stating "if he was bored enough"... what kind of shit are you doing while bored my guy 😭
#despite q and v going on to state that ivan manipulated other people#id like to think he was pretty respectful with the people he “dated”#his heart was just obviously not in it and after the other person realized they could not make a connection theyd give up in frustration#cause you know. he was fucking bored#and he devoted his heart to someone else long ago#Prince charming huh.... prince charming.......#how do they feel about their prince charming after round 6....#also idk if im allowed to share more patreon info on here if im not pls feel free to tell me to take down#day 1 of dating ivan!! hes the perfect boyfriend!!#day 12 of dating ivan. i think he is just tolerating me#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#asks
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I have to say it is wild as shit going from the Supergirl fandom where huge swathes of it insisted that Lena was super totally completely in the right for going full supervillain and trying to kill Kara and also mind-control the entire world because she kept being Supergirl a secret from her, to the MAWS fandom where people are insisting Lois is a total bitch for daring to be a little upset that Clark lied to her about being Superman even though she'd mentioned that she has issues with people, including her dad, lying to her in the past, and Clark keeps disappearing during dangerous situations, making her incredibly worried about him when this whole time, he was Superman.
#it's also wild finding myself on completely opposite sides of this debate each time around!#in the supergirl instance i was totally on kara's side because lena kept being xenophobic towards aliens and also kara is entitled to keep#secrets! and for fuck's sake lena is allowed to be a little mad but going full supervillain is... a slight overreaction i might say?!#while here with maws i'm like lois is kind of right to be mad though?#i mean it makes sense why clark is keeping this secret of course but it also makes sense for lois to be mad! she's not being childish and#she's not overreacting and she's certainly not being a bitch!#just say you hate women and leave.#s says some words#fandom bullshit#maws spoilers
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Every now and then I see Hot Takes about Megatron's ending in IDW1 that drive me nuts like dlskfdjlskf some people really get caught up so much in JRO's sad old man Megatron that they deadass think that Megatron getting sent off to trial to face either execution or lifelong imprisonment wasn't just a bad ending, but was specifically some sort of "fuck you" or punishment to say that villains aren't allowed to have nice things or whatever. Girl do you know what the fucking genre/tone is of the comic you just read? IDW1 is a heavily political, morally gray universe leaning heavily towards realism in terms of its handling of plot themes and you're seriously out there saying that Megatron, a war criminal with crimes/deaths stretching to the billions, is being unfairly punished by the writers by getting sent off to trial? You know, like what makes sense for the realistic kind of universe IDW1 is?
I mean fuck man JRO literally plotholed/handwaved major lore about the Matrix and Cybertronian-organic relations with that "oh lots of religious organics recognize the sacredness of the Matrix" and completely undercut the emotional weight of Megatron's (and everyone else's) ending by having his quantum copy get to fly off and have adventures in the universe forever and ever.
What in the FUCK else do you want from an author (JRO) who's already a flaming Megatron apologist that whitewashed Megatron's personality, gave him so many sympathetic backstory points, and then invented an entire alternate universe as an excuse to have Megatron save billions of lives to contrast with the ones he killed. Like god I love Megatron too but some of you ppl are fucking blind
#squiggposting#negativity#megatron stans will look at canonical megatron apologism for 50+ issues straight and go#'this war criminal got sent off to trial as an appropriate response for the crimes he committed. this means the writers/IDW/hasbro hate him#'and also they hate morally gray villains and villain redemption and revolutionaries and oppressed people and minorities and--'#can you stfu like for real#also the whole 'megatron was a revolutionary against oppression so killing him has bad implications' line is so fucking funny to me#bc megatron also oppressed and killed the fuck out of multiple alien civilizations and did colonialism too yknow?#and the decepticons being anti organic imperialists who want to colonize organics for their own ends has been here LITERALLY SINCE G1#they didn't make that shit up just to slander idw megatron specifically lksdfjalksdlkf#all these stans wanna be political so bad and fail to realize their logic of 'you depicted this therefore you endorse it'#could easily be reversed for people to go 'well megatron colonized ppl so if they redeem him it means theyre excusing his crimes'#oh but megatron stans HAAAAATE IT when that logic gets applied to them. they bitch so much about it#the lack of self awareness really is astounding and i cant believe ppl are like this 6+ years after idw1 ended
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Books of 2024: THE SCOURGE BETWEEN STARS by Ness Brown.
Devoured this in one intense sitting last night! It gets right into the "fucked up shit happens in space" (as I was promised it would!), and I liked that you could see the author's astrophysics background peeking through without derailing the tension.
(And, for real: Don't Open The FUCKING Door, holy shit.)
#books of 2024#book photography#my photography#the scourge between stars#ness brown#i also appreciated the casual queerness#i was not prepared for somebody taking advantage of the android >:( but i thought it was handled well!#always here for fucked up shit happening in space#it was very uh. ALIEN-esque to me#(red of THE GIRL IN RED and jack of SCOURGE same hat lmao)#(young women suffering through post apocalypses together 5ever)#tbh it didn't feel like a super original concept/execution but. i couldn't set it down and go to bed. so it was done Well.#anyway another shortie bites the dust!!#i did appreciate how jack problem solved around her issues lol#the bit with the core and the observation deck were both very nice#GO JACK GO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS WITH YOUR ENVIRONMENT I LOVE THAT FOR YOU!!!!#i will however be killing otto again thanks#and the captain actually
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THE BEST OF ATTICAN TRAVERSE: KROGAN TEAM
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, and Urdnot Grunt With: Urdnot Wrex, Dr. Mordin Solus, Primarch Adrien Victus and The Rachni Queen I don't need luck- I have ammo. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#james vega#EDI#urdnot grunt#urdnot wrex#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#i finally finished gif’ing traverse and this set is cursed is all i will say :)#i don’t know why this one was such a pain in the ass but compressing them was a massive chore for some reason#and my dumb ass realized as i was assembling i set the frame hold wrong for like 4 of them so i had to go back and redo a few of them 🙃#the thing that pissed me off most is that there’s usually a nice planet shot with a normandy fly in to make a header from#and traverse just doesn’t fucking get one for some reason?? so ig we get rachni queen header#i’m so sorry but this is like my least favorite mission in the game 😭#like i do like grunt but this mission is just meh on all fronts to me at least#like the decision from ME1 to spare or destroy the rachni queen is so fucking cool?? and it has 0 consequences in ME3 LMAO#not to mention that half of this mission is just standing around with a flame thrower burning down webs lol#the only cool thing i’ll say is i ADORE the Aliens™️/xenomorph vibes that the mission has!! that is so cool the first time around#the cutscenes are alright but there’s really only some towards the front end and the back end? so you miss so much of the middle#which makes it hard to connect what’s going on to make a best of: set lol#grunt has some nice scenes if you have him here and the rachni queen quotes are cool#the enemies are also kind of interesting in concept? i just wish the rachni decision from ME1 had more weight here#james and EDI have a few nice lines towards the front in the shuttle but there’s not a ton of great dialogue like grissom has tbh#idk this mission is just okay to me i guess? like the ardat-yakshi sanctuary with samara is much more interesting to me#i feel like this one needed longer to cook and the rachni deserved more weight in the mission based on your decision in ME1#james and EDI looked cute like always!! and soph ate it up in cleric’s guardian armors for shepard (which continues to be gorgeous ❤️🔥✨)#idk seeing grunt and playing fashion dress up was the best part of this mission besides the wrex cameo at the end lmao
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Ok sorry I’m long overdue for a follow up of these tags I left on your post lol. Here goes: In my brain, the role of a cop is a very masculine one. Like obviously there are female cops but whenever they appear in media ( at the ones I’ve seen) they always are very masculine. So with Hayward whole thing about performing the role of a standard cop I think he was also performing masculinity in a very standard way. His whole arc in season 2 has also been about learning who he is outside of that performance so he I think he can also start to experiment with gender and get silly with it. I think that’d be good for him. maybe this only makes sense to me but thank you for the space to expand upon me ideas.
This is paige and Hayward season three. my final message
I just saw this response omg loving where you head is at... gotta get this out on the record before s3e3
#he can be gnc like harry dubois never let himself be#the silt verses#investigating officer hayward#hayward's gender has GOT to be weird like his whole thing with his wife who doesn't exist is SO gender#god I need to go back and rewrite 'come hell or high water' to make Hayward's wife not have been real#I think Jon and Muna have heavily implied that Hayward's wife was supposed to exist at the end of s1#but Jon decided to make her fake retroactively just to fuck with us#(in a 'just to fuck with us (affectionate)' kinda way#I don't believe in rewriting fic to conform to canon but the fact that THAT'S the fanon they canonized is *so* fucking good#a tasty tasty treat for us gremlins#but his wife that doesn't exist... he's like an alien in a human body doing a dane cook routine at work#whenever he talks about his wife who doesn't exist hating him I'm reminded of that John Mulaney bit#of 'my wife's a bitch and I don't like her? That's not a comedy routine! That's a support group for men in crisis!'#like Hayward. you invented this woman#she isn't real#why did you make her a bitch who doesn't like you????#and who YOU are pathetically still in love with#Like that's the craziest thing he doesn't even portray himself as in a failing marriage#he portrays himself as being desparate to stay in a failing marriage even though he isn't in love because he's afraid of being alone???#like hello am I speaking English here that's fucking insane in the membrane#siltposting#anyway thank you for answering my ask sorry to write this tag novel when you were just trying 2 help
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question for the erik selvig stans that i know tumblr MUST be full of - hypothetically if someone wrote fic where he was already mentally-ill before the mind-stone stuff would people reject that as Far Too AU or not?
#i want to write erik & loki friendship fic for some reason (everyone pls forget i ever said this thanks in advance)#and it'd be a reason for erik to instantly go “oh dear you so look troubled mind-control bestie :( would u like to talk/hug?”#(and then they can awkwardly hug or something idk i haven't rly thought it through that much yet)#BUT ANYWAY#also fuck it i want more mentally-ill characters who are NOT that way purely due to Weird Alien Shit#(AN: if u don't know who he is get da hell out of here!!!)#thor movies
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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